#i was like. just stepping into my room to doodle between cooking and my dad runs in like COME LOOK OUTSIDE :DDDD

[midnightcaptions]

my plans to draw Lord Death leaving a turkey in charge of the Death Room for turkey day was thwarted by an actual legitimate turkey in need of rescuing in my driveway. alright.

[transexualpirate]

“Perfect.”

When he first told Dean, he looked so small and helpless, almost guilty, like he expected Dean to just smack him right in the spot for daring to bring it up. Maybe that's what convinced Dean to participate. Or maybe it was the warmth that painted his cheeks when he imagined Cas smiling brightly at his kid and his... and Dean coming together to make something for him. "Father's Day, huh? Sure. Yeah, why not?" Jack smiled as bright as Cas did in his head.

so uhhhh aparently it’s father’s day in the usa? so i wrote a little something for @dadstielweek​ i hope this is okay <3 also thank you @creepyeyesandfrogs​ for the inspiration ur the best!!!

Summary: Dean and Jack have plans for Cas on father’s day. They also have some unresolved issues.

Warnings: Miscommunication, self worth issues, J*hn Winchester, brief mentions of self destructive tendencies (nothing explicit), brief mentions of sexual themes between Dean and Cas (also not explicit), background Saileen.

also, english is not my native language and i mess up sometimes! i’d much appreciate it if you warn me about any possible mistakes.

"Damn, kid, those are some bright colors you used." it was meant as a jab, but Jack only smiled proudly

"Thank you" he replied "I thought I might be using too much yellow, so his name is written in pink. See?"

Dean did. He stared at the card for a few more seconds. It read "Dad: I feel so safe with you! You always took good care of me and you hold me so gently when I can't sleep. Your the best dad ever!" in yellow, with blue doodles of bees and hearts around it, and "I love you, Castiel" in light pink at the bottom. It wasn't a work of art, but he clearly had fun doing it with some old colorful markers he found around the bunker. It was funny to Dean that a 5'8'' man had done it.

Not a man, he corrected himself. A kid. It was easier to see it in days like these.

"Yeah, it's real pretty, alright. But, uh, just a note-" Jack looked up then, his eyes wide. Dean tried not to be offended about how obvious it was that he was waiting for Dean to back down at any moment "You wrote 'your'. As in, 'your bag', 'your drink', 'your pen', you know. It's 'you're'. Like, 'you are'. You're. You're the best dad ever. Okay?"

"Oh." he looked down again. Stayed silent for a few seconds. Dean imagined he was processing this new information. Then he brought up the yellow marker and fixed it. "There. Is that it?"

"Yup. Looks perfect, kid. Cas is gonna love it."

Jack looked like someone had just told him he could eat all the candy he wanted. Dean found himself chuckling softly at him, then turned back to the cake he was decorating. He was pretty anxious himself. He knew he wasn't the best cook out there, and art also wasn't his strong spot, but he figured that writing "Happy Father's Day" wouldn't be so hard. Jack insisted in some skittles on top of it, too, because "Cas loves colorful things and he even ate some of Jack's last week and seemed to like it!". Dean wasn't so sure. He knew Cas had a weird relationship with food. He didn't need it, and hardly found any he genuinely liked. So he might not eat it at all. Or he might eat it just to make Dean feel good.

But there was something else he had in mind. Something he and Jack had picked in town last week. It was sappy and simple and exactly the kind of thing he never though they’d get to experience.

In the kitchen counter, close to the coffee machine, there was a porcelain mug wrapped with a colorful ribbon. And on it was written “BEST DAD EVER”.

Coffee was something that Cas liked. Especially when it had plenty of sugar. The mug was silly, the kind of thing you’d find at the dollar store, but it made Dean smile just thinking about it. Cas could drink from it everyday. 

Jack followed his gaze and stared at it with a smile. Then he turned to Dean, and to the cake, and seemed to understand something.

“You know he’ll love it too, right?” Dean smiled, but it wasn’t natural anymore. He wasn’t surprised when Jack didn’t buy it. “No, I’m serious. He likes chantilly. He likes chocolate cake. He likes skittles. He loves you. Why wouldn’t he like it?”

 It wasn’t planned at all. It just came out. Easy like that.

He likes all those things. He loves you.

Dean sucked in a breath but before he could reply Jack was staring back at the mug. It seemed like he was already thinking about something else. He was like that, sometimes. Too much energy, a bit like an actual child would have, and not enough place to put it. It wasn’t uncommon for him to lose his train of thought mid sentence. It’s like his own brain was a bit too fast for him.

Dean was like that too, sometimes.

He silently wondered if he should scold him for that, like his own father did to him. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Instead, He nudged Jack’s shoulder softly. “Go on. Use plenty of chantilly, ‘kay? You’re right, he likes it.”

Jack didn’t need to be told twice. He hopped to the fridge and got the rest of the chantilly Dean used for the cake. Gently placed the ribbon a little lower on the mug so he could pour something inside it. Turned to the kitchen cabinet and picked up a spoon, and, before Dean, he raised his index finger.

And the coffee machine started working.

Magically.

“Jack!” Dean hissed. He didn’t want to deal with that right now. “Jack, please. Don’t-”

“It’s okay!” he seemed excited “I got it.” he brought a spoonful of chantilly, and the mug floated and stood right in front of him, gravity be damned. “It’s easier this way, I can just-” he held the chantilly container with one hand, the spoon with the other, and the mug was hovering in front of him. There was no way he couldn’t see how that was dangerous.

“Jack, come on,” Dean stopped decorating the cake and reached for the mug “just put it d-”

“Whoa, guys?”

Too many things happened too fast. Sam walked through the kitchen door, rubbing his eyes lazily. Dean flinched. Hard. He thought Cas had discovered them. Jack also flinched, his eyes wide and scared, like he’d been found doing something he shouldn’t be doing. The coffee machine stopped working. The mug fell.

It shattered on the floor, before them.

“Oh, shit.” Sam said, wise as ever.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Come on! Look at it! Goddammit, kid, why did you have to- Come on!”

“Guys? Uh, sorry-” 

“I’m- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I thought- I thought Cas had- I got scared, I’m sorry, Dean, I can fix this, let me just-” he gestured to it, clearly intending to use his powers again, but Dean stopped him, gripping his wrist forcefully with just a little too much strength.

“No. You’ve done enough.” Dean said, his voice cold. He wasn’t sure how exactly things could get worse, but he didn’t want to find out either. Jack struggled to get away from his hold with wobbling lips.

“Dean-” Sam placed a careful hand on his brother’s shoulder “what’s going on?”

“It’s father’s day.” Dean said “We baked a cake and bought Cas a stupid mug but now-” he sighed “the kid used his creepy ass powers and now it’s broken.”

That was like someone had slapped Jack in the face. He finally managed to get his arm free and stepped back like it had burned him. He clutched his wrist, and cried.

“I’m s-sorry...” he managed between sobs.

Dean stared.

He was crying. Outright bawling his eyes out like it was all he knew how to do. If Cas hadn’t slept in Dean’s room (conveniently far away from the kitchen, it was all thought out, that’s definetely the only reason he was there) exhausted from last night’s activities (angels don’t need sleep, per se, but they do benefit from it every now and then if they’re low on grace and already tired from... uh, hunting) he probably would have woken up.

“Oh, shit.” Dean said, for once, somewhat wise.

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- I shouldn’t have used th-them. It’s my fault! I didn’t- I didn’t mean-!” he stepped back again, like he was scared anyone would hurt him (or he would hurt anyone).

Dean’s heart dropped to his toes and he wanted to punch himself in the face.

“Shit, kid. No, it’s- Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Fuck. Sam, a little help here?”

Sam stared at them for a second, his eyebrows knitted together. 

Dean got mad and went a bit too far. That’s happened before.

It happened a lot with John.

But Dean would always chime in and fix John’s messes for him.

Sam turned around, brought a shovel and a broom and in two swift movements cleaned the remains of the mug while Dean stared at him like he’d grown a second head.

And then he left the kitchen.

“What the fuck. Sam, what the- Sam!” but, obviously, Sam didn’t turn around. It wasn’t that he didnt care. He did. So much. He was scared that if he let them there things would only get worse. But he trusted them- he had to.

Dean and Jack needed to have this conversation by themselves.

Jack. The Jack that was pressed up against the wall crying desperately like there’s no tomorrow. Dean wanted to cry too.

“Kid. Jack. Jack, I’m sorry. Hey, listen to me.” he took a careful step but Jack didn’t even seem to notice. He was clutching his own wrist so hard Dean was scared he was going to break the skin. 

He raised his hand and slowly reached for his wrist. Jack flinched again and looked up to Dean like he was surprised that he was so close. Slowly, like he was trying to approach a wild animal, Dean held the kid’s hand and opened it, forcing him to let go.

“There we go. Careful, kiddo. You were hurting yourself.”

Jack scoffed, or tried to, but as he hadn’t stopped crying yet it sounded a little like a scared cat. “Right. Like I d-don’t deserve it.”

“No.” Dean’s voice was suddenly rough again “No, you don’t. Kid- Jack, look at me.”

Jack didn’t want to, but Dean reached for his chin softly and, carefully, as if the Nephilim was made of glass, he brought his face up.

“I-I ruined it, Dean. I broke the mug.”

“Yeah.” his voice was soft again “You did. But it’s okay. You didn’t do it on purpose. You got scared. You shouldn’t have been so careless, but you didn’t mean to do it. I know you didn’t. Okay? You just have to be more careful next time. It’s fine. You’re fine, okay? I’m... I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Jack stared at him. His lips were slightly parted and his face was still tear stained. Dean ran his thumbs through his cheekbones, drying his tears softly. Jack let him.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have... Used them. My- my creepy powers.”

“No, Jack, it’s okay. Those powers, they’re not creepy, okay? They’ve helped so many people before. They’ve saved us. And they’re a part of you, and you’re not creepy, okay? You’re not. I’m sorry I said that. I was wrong. And I shouldn’t have- Shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry, Jack.”

Jack looked like he was waiting for the punchline. He studied Dean’s face, and eventually he stuttered out “It’s... It’s okay, Dean.”

“We both fucked up, huh?” he chuckled softly, and Jack did so too.

“Yeah. I guess- I guess we did.”

“Well, I’m the adult. I can’t let this happen again. I’m not going to. Okay? I’ll be more careful too. I just- I lost it, Jack. I’m so, so sorry. I hope you know how wrong I was. You’re not bad, Jack. You didn’t do this on purpose. You were just trying to be faster. It’s okay. You made a small mistake. It’s no biggie. I need to keep it cool next time, okay?”

“No! No, there won’t be a next time, Dean. I’ll be more careful, I promise!”

Dean smiled. “I know, Jack, I know you will. But you’re four. You’re gonna make silly mistakes like this. Your job is to try a little more everyday. Okay?”

Jack nodded enthusiastically. “I will. I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will, little guy. I will, too, okay?”

“Okay.” 

“I promise, too.” Jack smiled at that. Dean swept his hair from his face, leaned in and kissed the kid’s forehead. He beamed. And then he stopped. Dean glanced at his face.

“But, Dean... It’s, it’s broken, now. We only have the cake and the card.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll love them, Jack.”

“Yeah, but... It’s... It’s Cas, Dean. He deserves better.”

Dean contemplated for a second. And then he smiled. Jack tilted his head in a very Cas-like fashion.

“I have an idea.”

Cas turned around in Dean’s bed, hoping to find the man laying next to him. He didn’t. 

It wasn’t unnexpected, you see, Dean woke up early everyday. Cas wasn’t used to sleeping, but when he did, he slept in late. He only needs his four hours after all. But honestly, Cas couldn’t help but wonder if there was some shame in there.

He glanced around the room and decided it would be best if he got dressed. He got up, groaning softly, then retrieved his underwear and pants from Dean’s desk. His shirt was on the ground. Tie and trenchcoat were perched on a chair. His cellphone was on his pocket. He thought about going out, maybe make Jack some breakfast, but it was still early and the kid was probably asleep. So he decided to go back to bed (without his trenchcoat, mind you, not even he is that formal).

Immediately as he laid down there was a knock on the door. “Come in!” he slurred out, still sleepy.

Whoever was on the other side hesitated. “Are you... Decent?”

Cas couldn’t stop his smile. “Yeah, Dean, I’m decent.”

“No, like... Jack- Jack is here, Cas.”

There was a laugh on the other side. “Dude?” Sam whispered. Cas decided to pretend he didn’t hear him.

“Come in, Dean. Unless you want me to put on my shoes as well.”

The door opened and the first thing Cas noticed is that Dean’s whole face was red as a tomato. The second thing was that he was holding a cake covered in chantilly and skittles and the third is that he was followed by Jack and Sam.

Oh, no, did he forget anyone’s birthday?

But they didn’t sing. Instead, Jack jumped on the bed, holding something colorful. Sam was right behind him, holding a wooden platform and placing it on the bed. It was like a support so nothing would fall. Dean put the cake on the platform and Jack placed something too.

Cas blinked.

“Uh, wh-what’s... Did I... Miss something?”

“It’s Father’s Day!!” Jack beamed. Cas couldn’t help but mirror his smile. But he was still a bit confused.

“O-okay, so...?” Jack leaped at him, involving him in a hug.

“Happy Father’s Day, dad!”

Oh. Oh! “Jack!”

“Kid’s super excited. It’s your first Father’s day without an apocalypse, after all. So, we... Yeah. We did something.” Dean tried to explain. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Cas stared at him like he’d personally brought him the moon.

“They did something for you, too, Cas. Look!” Sam pointed at the colorful package at the improvised table. He noticed, then, that it wasn’t a package. 

It was a mug involved by a colorful ribbon. The one he usually used. It used to be white and bland. But now, there was a blue tie doodled on it, and in Dean’s unmistakable handwriting it was written “WORLD’S BEST DAD”. It was filled with coffee and chantilly, just the way he likes it.

Cas held it in his hands and couldn’t stop the tears flooding his face. 

For a second, Jack panicked. His eyes widened and he looked between Cas and Dean questioningly. Dean reached a hand to his shoulder and whispered “I think he likes it, Champ.”

“But- But he’s crying?”

Cas sniffed loudly, then. He couldn’t explain it. He didn’t expect it. World’s best dad, him? “They’re... T-they’re tears of joy, Jack.”

Sam giggled sofly. He brought his cellphone up and started recording. He was happy he did, because just at that moment, Dean leaned down and kissed him wholeheartedly.

Like, on the lips. Full on romantic kiss. The type they show on TV. 

If Jack was surprised, he didn’t show it. But he was happy, that was clear. Sam, however, cheered them on. “Oh, fucking finally!”

Dean showed the camera his middle finger. Jack tilted his head again, and Sam zoomed in on him, mumbling something about “like father, like son”. When they broke apart, their pupils blown and panting softly, Dean cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. Cas was at loss for words.

Jack seemed to remember something, then, and shoved his card on Cas’ face with no mercy. “Oh, oh! I also made a card! And Dean baked the cake! We painted the mug together. He taught me how to draw a tie. Do you like it?” 

“Liked it? Jack, I love it. Look at it! You drew a bee, too! It’s so pretty.” he sighed contented while Dean tried to steal Sam’s phone only to find he had already sent the video to Eileen. Jack stared at him with childlike wonder, and Cas was almost scared for a moment because of how happy he was. But it was okay. He was allowed to be happy. He deserved it. “I love it. Thank you, so much. All of you. It’s perfect- you’re perfect.” he turned to Dean, with Sam’s hand on his shoulder as he cooed childishly. “I love you, Dean.” And then he turned to Jack, the kid smiling in blissful, childish naivety. “And I love you, son.”

“See?” Dean grinned, nudging Jack playfully “I told you he’d love it.”

[rosaliepostsstuff]

Weasley support system

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Summary: Y/N takes the position of a subtitute teacher at Hogwarts; her and George’s eldest son comes out as gay Word count: 1465

warnings: pretty emotional, but I wouldn’t say sad? supportive parents and siblings

a/n: This is based on the concept from my last post. I didn’t spend too much time working on it so I hope you like it?  I couldn’t decide on a title so this one might be rubbish. It was a good palate cleanser while writing the next chapter of little steps as it’s long and my mind started going in loops. Which is why if you have any request, send it my way. I know I haven’t shown much yet, but I’m open peeps

Feedback encouraged!

14th May 2020

Dear Y/N,

            The reason I am writing to you is to make a request.

            I have recently received news of our current Defence Against the Dark Arts professor’s plan to retire. I’m afraid this has come as a bit of a shock to me and I won’t be able to find a suitable and competent successor in time before September. I don’t suppose you would be willing to take that position long-term, however, I’d like to offer you the position of a substitute teacher for one year, time in which I’m sure to find somebody good enough.

            I am giving you time to think the decision through, but I hope to see you at the start of September.

 Minerva McGonagall Headmistress Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

  You finished reading the letter and placed it on the table next to your coffee mug and the breakfast leftovers. George took your hand and you looked up at him, both of your facial expressions in a mix of excitement and uncertainty. “What do you think?” He asked after a bit of silence, softly caressing your hand with his thumb. “It’s an interesting opportunity..” “It is..” you trailed off “I would see the kids more” he nodded.

You got a bit happier at the thought, and your mind once more went to how soon they’d finally be back home for the summer. You got used to being apart from them, last September even your youngest left for Hogwarts, meaning you and George were left alone at home. You got used to it, but you still missed your babies, who were not babies anymore.

Your eldest, Lucas - now finishing his fifth year, was an introvert with a heart of gold. The twin girls – Ruby and Vivian – although different from each other, both took after their dad – but to your luck with less interest in mischief. The youngest – Jacob, had a natural talent for driving his sisters insane.

You knew being apart from George for months after nearly twenty years of being married would not be easy, but you decided to go through with it, hoping this interesting experience would prove worth it.

Riding on the Hogwarts Express brought a familiar sense of excitement, but you weren’t a student anymore. It was strange, passing the compartments and seeing your children and their many cousins chatting with their friends just as you have all those years ago.

As a professor, you were determined to make your students comfortable and interested in what they were learning. They often asked questions about your work and sometimes about Weasleys’ Wizards’ Wheezes (as a Mrs Weasley it was inevitable) which served as a treat.

 “Luke, could you stay behind, please?” you called after your son one day, right after a N.E.W.T. level class with 6th years. He gave his friends a look and walked up to you. “Could you pass me your textbook for a second? I think there were some changes between editions and I’d like to check it with the one I have before my next group…” You said as he reluctantly took the book back out of his bag and put it in front of you.

You flipped through a few chapters and started skimming through one you needed to check. You saw some doodles around the text, along with a few signatures from the same person – Dylan. You did not give it much thought – you knew Dylan, he was Luke’s friend and visited your house a few times in their first years.

You also didn’t notice Luke’s change in expression when you reached that page. His whole body tensed up and breath hitched. He didn’t listen to you ramble about the change in the description of non-verbal spells, he wiped his sweaty palms in his trousers and studied your face, waiting for something.

“You should invite him over around Christmas, baby. It’s been a while.” You said closing both of the books. “Who?” “Dylan” “Why?” asked with a shaky voice, starting to feel slightly sick. “Well, you mention him so often. He’s still your best friend, isn’t he?” you looked up to see your son in a state you’ve never witnessed before and you didn’t understand why. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his eyes started to shine. “He’s not really my friend, mum.” you waited for him to continue, “I like him.” his voice barely audible, yet you still didn’t understand what was going on. You brought your hand up to caress his arm as his lip began to tremble, “I know, baby, it’s-“ “No, mum, you don’t get it!” He bit his lip holding back his tears. “I- I like him…”

You pulled him into a hug and cursed yourself for taking so long to catch up. You embraced the boy as tight as you could. “I’m sorry,” he said between weeps. “No, baby! You have nothing to be sorry about” You brought his face to your shoulder and caressed his head. He took his height after his dad and was already taller than you, but right now felt so small in your arms as you wanted to protect him from the world. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner” “It’s my fault you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me.” You said, now crying with him. You stayed like that for a bit, kissing the side of his head from time to time. “I’m not sure you could’ve done any better, mum. You’re pretty great,” he laughed softly. “I try.” You chuckled. “Could you.. could you not tell dad?” he said pulling away. It slightly worried you. Was he afraid of coming out to George? You didn’t know how he’d react, but it couldn’t be bad. He loves his children, no matter what. “I- I just want to tell him properly, face to face. I’ll do it during Christmas break.” “Ok, baby,” you said, relieved, pulling him down to place one last kiss to his cheek, to which he rolled his eyes. Back to normal, that means.

It wasn’t easy hiding it from George when you saw him next weekend, but you managed. Luke soon came out to his siblings (Jacob replied with ‘so?’ and the twins claim they knew).

Before you knew it, George was picking you all up from Kings Cross and you were heading home for Christmas.

The next day, you spent the early afternoon at the Burrow to Molly’s delight. Back home, you planned to decorate the house and most importantly – the Christmas tree, after dinner which you were now preparing in the kitchen. It was open to the lounge room, where you could hear George mumble mostly to himself while reading a magazine. You had missed that.

Lucas walked down the stairs inconspicuously and walked up behind the couch. “Can I talk to you, dad?” he asked and you tried to stick to your cooking and let them have their moment, but it was hard not to listen in. “Sure, champ, what is it?” George looked up from behind the paper for just a second, and Luke sat down. “I- I gotta tell you something.”

George put the paper down, confused by the sudden seriousness. “..You’re not making me a granddad yet, are you?” he tried to lighten the mood, but when Luke only looked at his feet, George straightened up completely with raised eyebrows. “No, I’m not,” George’s face relaxed a bit, before his son continued, “that’s unlikely.” he paused for a bit and took a deep breath. “I’m gay, dad”.

There was silence for what felt like hours when in reality it lasted just a few seconds.

George’s face showed pure shock. His back fell against the couch. “Dad?..” Tears started to well up in Luke’s eyes and you wanted to run up to him when you heard the shakiness in his voice. But then George looked up at him.

The warm, reassuring smile you saw on his face reminded you again why you love that man so much. He opened his arms and your son entered his embrace. “I love you, son. And I’m proud of you.” “I love you too, dad.”

That evening, decorating the house with your family made you happier than ever before. You watched the kids bicker about the placement of the ornaments when an arm snaked around your waist. “The rascals will always find something to fight over, won’t they?” he said with a smile and kissed your cheek. You looked up and placed your hand on the side of his face and whispered “I love you” “I love you back,” he said and kissed you softly. When he pulled away, you saw that familiar smirk and he turned to the kids.

“So, any boy you’re gonna introduce to us soon?”

[anarcoqueer1994]

No More Dates

It was the summer of 1933, and Steve had just turned 15 years old. He is sitting in his kitchen with his ma, as she cooks. He's doodling on a scrap of paper when behind him he hears the door open; Bucky. Sarah never minded the brunette busting in without knocking. She sees him like another one of her kids and loves that her son has such a good friend. 

Steve hears Bucky walk up behind him, feeling Bucky's strong arm wrap around his shoulder. Steve has to focus on not blushing. Ever since his friend has started down at the docks, his already handsome body has taken on harder lines and muscles. It was not helping Steve’s massive crush on him one bit.

 He is broken out of his thoughts when the other boy starts to speak. "Good evening, Mrs. Rogers." He smiles at the blond woman at the stove. She smiles back and waves slightly.

He turns his attention to Steve. "Hey, Stevie. What'cha drawing?" Bucky looks down at the paper which Steve tries to hide. He isn't quick enough. Bucky sees. "This is good." Buck beams at the hastily sketched lips on the page. Luckily for Steve, he doesn't realize those are his lips.

"Uh, thanks Buck." Steve flashes a little smile back before turning the paper over, giving his full attention to the older boy.

"So listen Stevie, want to go out with me tonight?" Steve's  hands suddenly get sweaty. What does Bucky mean, out tonight? With him, like a date. They can't do this, two guys. Bucky sees Steve’s panic stricken face. He asks "What's  wrong? Please tell me you don’t have a shift at Mr. Green's do you?" Mr. Green owned a grocery store where Steve would bag at, one of the only places that would hire him. Bucky continues. "Please say you don't, I got us two pretty dames looking for a good time."

Oh. Steve thinks. Of course Bucky wasn’t talking about going out with him. Why would he? He got them a double date. He doesn't particularly want to go. Over the last few months, Bucky has gotten them all these double dates. But they all end up the same. Whatever poor girl who is his date, politely conducts herself but she always is more enthralled with Bucky. Oftentimes the girl only says yes to a date with him so her friend could get a date with the other man, since Bucky has made it clear that he won't go out with anyone if Steve can’t come.

But Steve would watch as the girls would whisper between themselves, teenage girls tending to not be discrete. He would see them giggle and bat their eyes at his friend, when the most he would get is an obligatory smile. He can't blame them though, he wasn’t much to look at, not like Bucky.  Steve swore Bucky was the picture  perfect man. To be honest, he catches himself staring at his friend too, jealousy  often washing over him when he would see Bucky's  hand wrapped around a girl's waist, pulling her close. He wishes Bucky could hold him like that; wanted to hold him like that back.

"No, I worked this morning. But Buck...you didn't need to get me a date. You go on and have fun. Plus I promised Ma I would help clean the oven tonight." He lies lamely.

Bucky frowns but nods his head. "Alright, Stevie…" He sounds disappointed.

Sarah, hearing the lie, shakes her head, careful not to embarrass her son while still not letting him off the hook. "It's alright, Steve. I got the oven. Just go have fun, tonight." Sarah doesn’t want her boy sitting at home. She knows that her son is a little...funny. And she knows she will always love her son no matter who he loves. But their church and society could be mean. She didn’t  want her Steve facing that. She hopes that with these dates he can find a nice girl. 

Bucky's face lights up.  "Perfect! Thanks Mrs. Rogers!" He smiles at Steve and heads to the door. 'Be ready in an hour, okay?"

"Sure Buck…" Steve says unenthusiastically as the older boy leaves. He sighs before putting his head down in his arm on the table. 

"Steve…" Sarah says softly. "It'll be fun. Maybe the girl will be nice."

Steve picks his head up slightly to look at his mom. "Ma, it always is the same. The poor girl who gets stuck with me has no interest. And why should she? Look at me."

She puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Baby, you're very handsome and any one would be lucky to be "stuck with you."

"You have to say that, you are my mom. I look like those yappy dogs with the big head and tiny body. I am nobody's type." He mopes.

"Steven Grant Rogers, you stop that right now. You are going on this date tonight and you are going to have fun." She says sternly.

Steve knows there is not a use in arguing with her so he just nods and resides himself to his fate.

~

Sarah had pulled out Steve's dad's  

old grey suit, insisting on dressing the boy well for his date. He felt ridiculous, everything slightly too big. He should be used to that, all of his clothes fit like that. He wore the jacket unbuttoned hoping it would be less obvious about how too big it was. His mother let him use some of the little colgne she had, stored away from her late husband. She said he was perfect.  He knew otherwise.

He meets Bucky at the bottom of the steps of his tenement. Bucky, of course, looks flawless, hair slicked back, effortless handsome, with button down shirt rolled to his elbows. Steve thinks he is the most beautiful man he has ever seen. And then Bucky smiles. A smile Steve cherishes as it is just for him.

"Hey Stevie" he throws his arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a half hug. "You look great!" 

Steve blushes. "You're lying but thanks, so do you, pal."

Bucky wants to argue. He wants to tell him he's wrong because Steve always looked great, always looked perfect to him but knows Steve won't  back down. So, he just smiles sadly at his best friend. "What are we going to do with you, man?" He asks as they start walking.

Once they get their dates, they head to a dance hall. Bucky's date is a pretty blond girl with bright blue eyes, Margaret, and Steve's is a redhead with green eyes named Dora. Steve is polite and is surprisingly light on his feet. Dora looks like she is having a good enough time as Steve tries his best to small talk with her and enjoy this date.

But it's hard because it is obvious that they both want someone else. As they danced, Steve would watch out of the corner of his eye as Bucky would twirl and dip his date, then pull her oh so close. There felt like there was something pushing down on his chest, making it hard to breathe. He hated himself for hating that Bucky was holding someone else. 

He tried his best to put on a happy face for his date, who had been nothing but sweet. But he noticed that she too was making eyes at someone else, a guy across the room right that she seemed to know, as he looked back equally as sweetly. Steve knew how it felt to want someone else, but unlike him, she had a chance.

He pulls her over to the table mid dance. "What is it?" She says softly. 

"You're a very nice girl, Dora. You have been incredibly kind and I have had a good time. But I'm not the one you want to be here with, am I?" Steve asks nicely, careful not to sound accusatory.

She looks down before saying "Am I that obvious? 

He laughs, showing her he is not mad. "Yea. Also... it looks like he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. So go and dance with him, have fun."  Steve replies lightly.

She gives him a pretty smile before surprising him with a hug, which he returns. She whispers "Thank you Steve." She holds him there a little longer before whispering  one more thing. "I know I'm not the only one of us sweet on someone else and for the record, I think he is sweet on you too." What Steve didn’t realize was that between his glances at Bucky, Bucky glanced back, an evening of missed gazes.

She pulls away and waves, without another word making her way to the other man. Steve is left dumbfounded, and terrified, and excited all at once. 

Most importantly he knows he has to get out of there, a feeling a dread that he gave himself away as a fairy. He knows she won't tell anyone other than maybe her friend...but what if others do find out. Suddenly it is hard to breathe, as he rushes out the door. 

~~

He ends up on the fire escape outside Bucky's room. The lights are out in the Barnes' residence,indicating that the family was asleep. He comes here a lot when he wants to escape. He guesses he is not that great at escaping since he always ends up at the same place. He sits with his arms wrapped around his knees, eyes shut.

What did she mean he was sweet on me too? How can she know that? How could, Bucky, the boy who has been chasing skirt like it was going out of style the last few months, be into him? They were just best friends, and he was just a hopeless fool who wanted to much. What if Bucky turned on him when he found out that Steve liked other fellas...liked him.

The last thought made him shiver, made him sick to his stomach, losing the one man that means more than him than the entire universe. A tear rolls down his face, before closing his eyes again. He is so focused on his thoughts, he doesn’t hear the window open behind him and someone step out. It isn't until he feels an arm wrap around his shoulder and pull him close that he realizes he isn't alone.

Bucky's voice is gentle as he whispers "Why'd you leave, Stevie?"

Steve’s  breath hitches in his throat as he feels Bucky's strong arm holding him there. He forces himself to talk "I...i just wasn't having a good time, I just wanted to leave…thats all."

Bucky's voice gains a level of worry as he replies "You wouldn’t be sitting here if that was all. Please tell me what's wrong...I would of left with you, Steve. When I noticed you were gone, I left immediately and searched everywhere for you. Your ma said you didn’t come home, so I knew you would be here. Why didn’t  you get me?"

Hearing the worry and sadness coat Bucky's  voice makes Steve feel terrible, unable to look up at him as he answers "Because, Buck, I left because of you…" another silent tear falls. 

"What..." Bucky sound confused, voice broken as he instinctively pulls away from Steve, scared whatever he did, he is making worse. "What did I do?"

Steve lets put an unamused laugh, silent tears falling more freely now as he looks at Bucky, who's  face is distorted with guilt and confusion. Steve just wants to reach up and smooth out his features back to the beautiful care free ones that typically live on his face. "You...didn't do anything, I did. I'm whats wrong here, Buck."

Bucky is torn between wanting to pull Steve into a hug and never let go and not wanting to scare away his friend by touching him, so he fidgets with his hands in his lap. "Steve that's impossible...you couldn't have done anything wrong." He sounds sincere, like he thinks Steve is perfect.

"You---" a strangle sob manages to escape. "You think to highly of me. I don't deserve it. Buck, remember when we were in school, and the other boys would call me a fairy because we spent so much time together….and I look like this?" Steve feels bad, Bucky would always stand up for him, the other boys always backing down. They never backed down when Steve would stand up for himself, often getting his ass kicked.

"Yea, those guys are idiots, still are. I work with some of them down at the dock." Bucky says plainly.

"No...they aren't, because they were right." Steve sound sad.

"What?" Bucky says again, confused more than ever.

"I'm a fairy...a pansy….I like fellas like you are supposed to like dames, Buck. And I'm so sorry….so so sorry. I'm so afraid of anyone finding out. It'll break ma's heart….everyone at church will hate me...God hates me….everyone will hate me. I'm disgusting…" Steve is shaking now, sobs freely escaping between words. He hadn't meant to say all this but it slipped out.

Bucky, unable to not do anything, throws his arms around Steve, pulling his head to his chest, gently petting his hair. "Shhh...shhh….its okay Stevie, s'okay." He repeats for awhile before whispering "If you're disgusting,  I'm disgusting." Steve gets really still in his arms, before tilting his head up to look at Bucky. "What?"

"I said, I'm "disgusting" too. I...uh like ladies, I do. I just like fellas too...especially...one fella in particular." He answers shyly.

Steve’s heart feels like it is on a roller coaster. In the same breath that he found out Bucky was also a queer...he finds out Bucky has eyes for a guy already.  Jealousy wells up inside of him, this somehow hurting more than a dame. Being a glutton for punishment, Steve asks "Who?"

Bucky laughs, arms still around his oblivious friend. "You, punk."

Steve’s heart is literally going to beat right out his chest qnd fly away. In disbelief he asks "Then why did you drag me on all those dates?" 

Bucky takes a deep breath, steadying himself. "I thought it was easier this way...hide how I was feeling and get to spend time with you, thought it was a win-win."

Steve clears his throat, pulling away so he can look Bucky in the eyes, Bucky’s arms still resting on his shoulders. "Not...not for me. I...hated seeing you holding other people...that weren't me. Do you know how many times I wished it was me in your arms, slow dancing. Because…I really love you. And I know people say that you can't  know love at 15….but I do….love is whatever I feel when I'm with you and---" 

Before he can finish, Bucky pulls him in for a soft, chaste kiss. Steve practically melts. This is is his first kiss, and its clumsy and sweet and everything he ever wanted.

When they break away, both boys smile like love sick puppies. Bucky smiles "I love you too, Stevie."

Steve smiles back "No more dates?"

"No more dates." Bucky agrees.

[thora-jane]

Twin-Way Mirror Pt. 1 (Weasley Twins/Reader Love Triangle)

Series Summary: You've been friends with the Weasley twins since your first train to Hogwarts, but as the three of you start your 6th year, you start to question if your feelings go beyond friendship.

Summary for Pt 1: as Summer draws to a close, some old friends come to take you off to the Quidditch World Cup

Warnings: none, I don't think. Maybe some tension between you and your parents.

Word count: 2,200

female!reader, 2nd person POV

Summer Holidays were special, you supposed, what with everyone taking a break from classes and unwinding for a couple months. You personally hadn’t been as big of a fan since you started Hogwarts. You were a Muggleborn, and Hogwarts was the first time you felt you actually understood school. You had been a horrible student in muggle school and consistently got terrible marks, but at Hogwarts? You were the brightest witch of your year. Even before your first day of classes, you had poured over every book cover to cover, examined your wand and robes for hours on end, and it took everything inside you not to start making potions.

Summer holidays were just the months in between. The time when you would lie to all your muggle friends about your new school (a private school, meant to reform students doing poorly in the academics department), and hold your breath amidst the tension of your muggle parents heavily encouraging you to continue to study muggle subjects and go to a muggle university after you graduate (“Come now, (y/n), you can’t possibly think you can just live out your life as a witch, do you?”).

A silver lining to all of this were the letters you would get from your friends. Once the sun had gone down and you could release your pet owl, Eros, with a letter or two strapped to his foot. In the morning, he would fly back with a letter or package before falling asleep in his cage. The letters would be from a few different friends every once in a while; Angelina would write to you about the latest news in Quidditch, always assuring you that this would be the year you make it onto the team, Hermione would send you newspaper clippings as your parents didn’t want you subscribing to a wizard newspaper, even Oliver would write and tell you about how his summers were going since he knew you didn’t see your friends much. And of course, there were the letters from the Weasleys.

You were in the same year as the twins, Fred and George, but no one could ever be friends with just a few of the Weasleys, it was always all or nothing. Ginny would write to you about quidditch (also assuring you you’d make the team, though you never did), Mr. Weasely would write and ask for common muggle objects, or with a whole laundry list of questions about muggle life, Mrs. Weasely would write asking you if you were being taken care of, sending you recipes and craft patterns, knowing how much you loved to cook and work with yarn, even Ron and Percy would write you, though mostly because Mrs. Weasley made them. Percy never let on as he scribbled about ministry business, but almost all of Ron’s consisted of “How are you, I am fine, mum wants me to write you. The twins miss you. xoxo Sorry, that was Fred and George.”

Ah, the Twins. Their letters were always your favorite, filled with page-long jokes or stories of their epic pranks and escapades, sometimes with a chocolate frog or some other sweet taped to the inside of the letter. Of course, when they mentioned making a line of pranking sweets, you were a bit hesitant to eat some of the things they sent. But you always seemed to walk away from the experience with all your teeth and toes, so you figured you wouldn’t get pranked unless they were there in person.

You kept all the letters and souvenirs and clippings sent, and even hung some up on your bedroom wall. Of course, none of the letters sent to you went unanswered, there would be days on end when you would write and craft responses to them, especially when one of the twins sent you a letter. You always closed out their responses assuring them that the three of you would see eachother again soon, and that next term would arrive before they knew it.

Granted, when you said this, you didn’t expect anyone to show up on your doorstep one day.

You were up in your room, writing out a response to George’s most recent letter and scrounging around for one of the candybars you had bought for him after finally convincing him to try muggle candy. It was then that you heard the doorbell ring. You paid it no attention, and chalked it all up to one of your mum’s friends stopping by for a coffee.

This of course, was not the case. You heard a few different voices, besides your mum, one or two of them belonged to who you assumed were women, but the others sounded much deeper. Then you heard thumping footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. The next thing you knew, there was a loud pounding on the door.

Then there was silence.

You weren’t quite sure who was there, but you hadn’t heard anything from your parents about company. And if there was one thing you’ve learned at Hogwarts, in these past few years especially, is that you always need to be on your toes.

You drew your wand out from your tied back hair and, holding it at the ready, opened up the door.

You weren’t quite sure who you were expecting, but not a second later two messes of red and black hair came flying towards you as Harry and Ron yanked you into a half-hug, half-tackle.

“(y/n)!” Harry laughed, moving your hand holding your wand so it didn’t stab him in the face, “the look on your face!”

Ron almost snorted, “Bloody hell, the twins would have paid galleons to see that!”

It took you a moment to recover your breath, but once the two boys stepped back from their hug, you managed to stutter out a question.

“Why are...uh...what are you doing here? And where are the twins?” You turned to Ron, who had walked over to your desk and started looking up at all the letters tapped to the wall, he started talking, but you could tell he was much more absorbed in all the papers and pictures and doodles.

“We’re here to pick you up, you’re all packed, aren’t you? The cup is in a few days and-say, were you going to eat this?” he interrupted himself, holding up one of the candy bars.

You walked past your bed and yanked a pillow out from Harry, who had seemed to make himself comfortable before you hit him with a pillow, then did the same to Ron.

“No, you may not eat that, that isn’t for you. And what cup? What do you mean all packed?” You tossed the pillow back onto your bed, and it landed on Harry’s face with an ‘oof’ before you pulled your trunk out of the closet and started tossing some of your cleaner and folded laundry in there, “Ronald I have no clue what you’re talking about. Harry, what does he mean?”

Although neither of you were in the Weasely family, you and Harry treated each other like siblings. Maybe not close friends, but the two of you were close enough that talking to him wasn’t too difficult.

“The Quidditch World Cup. Ron, didn’t you tell her?” He sat back up on your bed, looking over at Ron with his brow furrowed, “Your mum had you write her about it the other day, yeah?”

Ron smacked himself in the head, “I knew I was forgetting something! (Y/n), Dad got enough tickets to the Quidditch World Cup and you’re coming with us. Now, mum thought I wrote you and you’re supposed to be packed for school too, we’re taking all your stuff to the burrow and dropping you off at the Hogwarts express with the rest of us.”

“You’re only just now telling me?!” You tried not to shriek as you started packing faster, racking through your brain for all the things you’d need. You hadn’t gotten the list of books yet this year, but you intended on going before the year started. After running to the closet again and tossing your school uniform into the trunk, you ran over to the desk and shoved Ron aside to grab your box of letter writing things and some of the magical books you thought might be useful this year. While hastily stacking the boxes and books into your trunk, you ordered Ron and Harry from over your shoulder, “Ron, my potions kit should be under the bed. Harry, run to the bathroom and grab the small bag with butterflies on it, it should have my toothbrush, soap, shampoo, makeup -bathroom stuff. Well?”

The two boys nodded, a little intimidated at the speed you were packing. As Harry Ran to the bathroom, you turned to Ron.

“Do you remember the extra thing on the list this year? Fourth years and up needed…?”

“Don’t remind me. Fourth years and up need dress robes. I hate mine, they’re bloody awful,” he sighed, looking morose as he handed you your cauldron full of potion tools, “I’ll look like an old lady in them. What about you?”

You ran over to the closet, rifling through the jumpers and other clothes, tossing a Mrs.-Weasley-Handmade-Jumper into the trunk, “My mum took me out to get a dress a few days back, it should be...ah yes, here it is,” You pulled out a dress with see-through billowy sleeves and a skirt that went almost to the floor when you wore it, “You think this is good enough?” He raised his eyebrows, nodding.

“It looks nice,” You could tell he wasn’t too interested and agreed only to be polite, but you appreciate the sentiment as you carefully tucked it into your trunk. Harry came back and tossed the bag to you and you added it to your trunk before closing the lid and placing Eros’s cage on top. Sticking your wand back into your hair and slinging your yarn bag over your shoulder, you looked back at the two boys.

“Where are the twins? I thought they would have wanted to come pick me up?”

Ron tossed you the candy bars on your desk before walking to the other side of the trunk and helping you lift it, “Well, mum needed Hermione and Harry to help us get to a muggle house, and I tagged along. They wanted to come, but mum said she wanted to make a good impression on your parents and the last time they picked someone up from a muggle house dad had to go to at least a dozen ministry hearings.”

You chuckled, remembering how back in their third year they stole the car to pick up Harry from his aunt and uncle’s, “That sounds about right, Harry, could you get the door?”

Harry picked up Eros’s cage and held the door wide open as you and Ron waddled the trunk out of your room, stopping as you got to the edge of the stairs.

Your mum, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley turned at the sound of you making your way down the hall. The two witches waved, their faces lighting up as you greeted them, then Mrs. Weasley pulled out her wand and waved it gently, “Let me help you with that, dearie,” She smiled as your trunk delicately floated down the stairs.

“(y/n), Mrs. Weasely and Miss-” She looked over at Hermione for a second, before Hermione answered. “Granger,” She smiled politely.

“Yes, Miss Granger just explained to me that their family was going to take you to a...Wizard Football match?” She smiled a little, puzzled by the own words coming out of her mouth, “they offered to have you stay at their house,” She glanced at your trunk and the wide grin on your face, “I take it you’re interested in going?”

You nodded vigorously before pausing, “Is...Is that alright with you?”

She smiled, though it looked a bit forced, “Yes, yes it is. Just make sure you brush up on your real school subjects, please. And do mind your manners.”

You practically squealed, your hands shaking excitedly as you ran to grab your normal shoes (school shoes and dress shoes had been packed in the trunk).

Mrs. Weasely thanked your mum again and the boys and Hermione helped carry your trunk out to the car. Once you had all settled in and started to drive off, Mrs. Weasley looked at you through the rearview mirror.

“Your mum seems like a wonderful lady, but she isn’t too fond of magic, is she?” She asked gently, and you noticed the whole car go a bit quiet.

“No, she isn’t. I think she’d rather I focus more on traditional muggle subjects than magic,” You answered shyly, looking down at the yarn in your bag.

“Ah well, I wouldn’t fret too much over that, dearie. Muggles can be like that sometimes, but she’ll come around,” She offered a smile through the mirror again. Before you knew it, you were back to talking with your younger friends, excitedly asking about their summers as the five of you made your trip back to the burrow.

[suituuup]

pieces - chapter eleven

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn’t expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rated: E (drug use and emotional abuse in early chapters)

ao3 link

*

Beca woke up the next morning to the birds singing, which was odd, until she remembered she wasn’t in NYC, but in Oregon, at Chloe’s parents’. A glance at her phone told her she had slept later than she usually did, and she burrowed herself deeper beneath the covers, exhaling a sigh. 

The smell of breakfast eventually lured out of the warm cocoon, and she made a stop at the bathroom before heading downstairs. 

Chloe’s mom was cooking at the stove, and she looked over her shoulder when Beca approached. “Oh, good morning, Beca. Did you sleep well?” 

Beca wasn’t usually one to talk in the mornings, at least not before she had her morning coffee, but she mustered a smile and made an effort. “Morning. Yes, thank you.” 

“Chloe told me you drank coffee in the morning. I put a mug out for you on the table, there’s fresh coffee in the pot. You like pancakes?” She asked as she flipped one in her pan. 

Beca could tell where Chloe (or at least college Chloe) got her morning energy from, and she stifled a chuckle as she moved to pour herself a much-needed cup. “Yeah. Pancakes sound great.” She leaned against the counter, cradling her mug between her palms. “Where’s Chloe?”

“Talking with her dad out on the back porch,” Alice said, adding the freshly made pancake to the pile. She turned off the stove and wiped her hands on her apron, focusing on Beca. “We didn’t have the chance to yesterday, but Mike and I wanted to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for what you did for Chloe. Thank you really doesn’t feel like enough. I’m not sure where she’d be without you.” 

“You really don’t need to thank me. I’m just glad she’s doing better.” 

“And for taking over those payments, too. It-- it feels like too much and…” 

Beca shook her head. “Like I said to Chloe, it really is okay, Mrs. Bea-- Alice. I don’t want to flaunt my money around, but I’m more than able to spare 2000 dollars a month, and I’m happy to spend it helping people who need it, like you and Mike. So please, accept it?” She smiled softly. “I know how much you mean to Chloe, and I’d do anything for her.” 

Before Alice could reply, the door at the back of the kitchen opened and Chloe stepped inside, holding it open to let her father wheel in. She cast Beca a smile. “Hey, you. Sleep well? Mom didn’t attack you with questions, did she? I told her you needed coffee first.” 

“I behaved myself,” Alice mumbled, sticking her tongue out before going back to her pancakes. 

Beca chuckled. “She did.” 

After breakfast, Beca helped herself to a shower, before Chloe whisked her away to show her around town. They drove down the main street, and Chloe parked in front of the local high school, cutting the ignition and stepping out. . 

“I feel like you were Head Cheerleader,” Beca said as she shut the door. The smell of the ocean made her smile and breathe in deeply. It was really nice to get out of the city for a bit. 

Chloe smirked, shaking her head as they headed down the sidewalk of what looked like the main street. “Nope.” 

“Softball? You had to be some sort of athlete.” 

“Wrong again.” 

Beca hummed as she thought. “Track?” 

Chloe slipped her hands inside her jacket pockets, walking backward so she was facing Beca. “You’re looking at Oregon’s 400m State Champion for the year 2006.” 

Beca’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? How come you never told me that??” 

Chloe’s shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Never came up. I’ll show you my trophy when we get home.” She pointed across the street. “This is the cafe my friends and I went to every weekend to gossip about the boys.” 

“Gossiping about boys, huh?” Beca asked, smirking. “Who was your high school crush?” 

“This guy named Ian. He was on the swimming team.” 

Beca cut her a glance. “You guys ever dated?” 

“He asked me out once. Then he asked another girl to prom. I was heartbroken.” 

“Aw.” Beca grinned. “Did you cross off the love doodles featuring his name from your notebooks while belting out to songs from your break-up playlist?”

Chloe shoved her shoulder as Beca laughed. “Shut up. I didn’t have a break-up playlist.” 

“But you had one for songs you liked getting off to?” Beca couldn’t help but tease. “Weirdo.” 

A bright laugh burst past Chloe’s lips. “I can’t believe I burst into your shower.” 

A fond smile spread across Beca’s features at the memory. “And I can’t believe I still auditioned knowing my stalker was part of the group.” 

“I wasn’t a stalker!” Chloe cried, her jaw-dropping. She giggled. “I just… sort of ignored the boundaries.” 

“Which is what stalkers do,” Beca pointed out with another smirk. “It’s cool. I’m glad you did, in hindsight. I got to meet the people who would end up becoming my best friends for life.” 

Chloe narrowed her eyes, amusement flashing in her features. “When did you get so cheesy?” 

A groan flitted past Beca’s lips. “Ugh. Gross, right?” 

As Chloe laughed, Beca realized how much she had missed the banter. Every little piece of Chloe Beale surfacing never failed to make her smile. 

Chloe’s step faltered when they came across a baby shop, her eyes lingering on the window. 

Beca smiled, nudging Chloe’s shoulder with her own. “We can go in if you want?” 

A matching smile spread across Chloe’s features as she nodded, and they both stepped inside the medium-sized store.

“Jesus, kids need that much stuff?” Beca asked as she glanced around the various items, muttering an apology when the employee glanced at her. 

Stifling a giggle, Chloe headed to the onesie section and browsed through the rack. “Oh Bec, look,” she said, holding up a simple, white onesie that read little bean in cool lettering. The smile that lit up Chloe’s face as she looked at the item was the first one Beca had seen reach her eyes since Chloe had been back in her life and the sight of it made her heart swell.

Chloe must have felt her staring, and she glanced up curiously. “What?”

“Nothing,” she cleared her throat. “You’re just… glowing.”

“I think you should get it,” she added not to make it awkward. “It’s adorable.”

After their stop at the store, she and Chloe headed to the wharf for lunch. It was a sunny, warm spring day, and they sat on a bench in front of the sea to eat their sandwiches as Chloe shared more memories about growing up in her hometown. 

“So how did you and Sarah meet?” Chloe asked following a lull in the conversation. 

Beca finished chewing her bite and swallowed, washing it down with a sip of soda. “I used to go to the coffee shop pretty often for lunch. We would talk for a bit each time. I was clueless to her flirting, it was only when she left her number that I realized she was into me.” 

Chloe chuckled, eyeing her with a raised eyebrow. “You? Clueless to flirting? That doesn’t sound right.” 

Beca’s eyes rolled skyward as she fought back a smile. “Bite me, Beale.” 

Chloe giggled. “Sorry. She seems like a great girl, though.” 

“Yeah,” Beca breathed out, trying to ignore the way her stomach flipped. “She really is.” 

And she meant that. She cared a lot about Sarah, but ever since their talk about a month ago, she had been questioning her own commitment to their relationship, going back and forth about what she wanted. The fact that she had been so oblivious about Sarah’s needs to take the next step because she felt comfortable with where they were at was the first red flag that she wasn’t all in. 

People should feel the need to move forward after fourteen months together, right? 

Sarah was kind, funny, loving, and everything Beca imagined in a significant other, but whenever she found herself trying to picture their life down the road, two, five, ten years from now, her mind went blank. 

“You okay?” Chloe asked, her head tilted as she gazed at Beca. 

“Yeah,” Beca breathed out, shaking those thoughts out of her head and focusing back on Chloe. She cleared her throat. “What’s next on the list, Beale?” 

After buying ice-creams from her favorite shop, Chloe took her to her favorite beach, and they headed home around three, as Chloe felt like taking a nap. 

Over the next two days at her parents’, they baked, took walks in the forest or by the sea, and had movie nights with Alice and Mike. Beca made sure to give the three some family time as well, spending a couple of hours every day working on her laptop in the guest room. 

That last night in Oregon, she found Chloe on the swingset in the garden, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Beca approached with two hot chocolates, handing one over before lowering herself on the other swing. 

“I’ve yet to find a prettier sky than this one,” Chloe mused aloud, craning her neck to look at the starry darkness above them as she cradled her mug between her palms. 

“It’s pretty dope,” Beca agreed softly. She glanced at Chloe, and finally plucked the courage to word the thought that had been going in a loop in her mind since their first night in Newport. “Have you given some thought about moving back here?” 

She was hoping Chloe would stay with her, to be completely honest. They had just rekindled, and Beca didn’t want her to live on the other side of the country. She could also feel some sort of attachment to Bean, which sounded ridiculous as they weren’t even born yet. But she also understood that Chloe might want to be with her parents, someplace that is close to her heart.

“I don’t know yet,” Chloe admitted, clearing her throat. “I’m concerned about disrupting their lives with a newborn baby. Mom’s already got so much on her plate with taking care of dad, and I don’t know if me being around while I’m still recovering is the smartest idea, with my dad feeling so guilty. I want him to focus on his health. But I guess it would be simpler, right? For you, I mean.” 

Beca shook her head. “I told you you could stay as long as you’d like. My place is your home, and I…” she cleared her throat, shrugging as her gaze flickered back to the stars. “I like having you around.”

“I like living with you, too,” Chloe admitted, smiling softly. “And I like my therapist and my NA group.” 

And having a routine was essential for a recovering addict. 

“Then it feels like a no-brainer,” Beca concluded.

“What about Sarah?” Chloe asked after a moment. “Are you sure she’s okay with me living with you?” 

The mention of Sarah made Beca’s heart squeeze with guilt. The last few days only further confirmed how she felt. She wasn’t missing her like she was probably supposed to, even though it had been ten days since they had last seen one another, as Beca had been too busy to do anything besides working, eating and sleeping that week leading up to their trip. 

She had been sending Sarah check-in texts because she felt like she had to, not because she wanted to. 

Beca needed to sack up and be honest with Sarah, something she had been delaying because she was a coward and terrified of breaking her heart. But she knew deep down she was doing more harm than good right now by running away from how she truly felt. 

She knew deep down, that Sarah deserved someone better.  

“Yeah,” she replied absent-mindedly, swallowing, then mustering a smile. “Don’t worry about that.” 

She sent a text to Sarah later that night, asking if she could come over after they landed in NYC tomorrow night. The following morning, she and Chloe grabbed an early breakfast, as they needed to be in Portland at ten. 

“You’re welcome back here anytime, Beca,” Alice said, pulling back from the hug. 

A genuine smile spread across Beca’s features. “Thanks, Alice.” 

“Bye dad,” Chloe murmured, leaning in to hug him tightly. 

Mike closed his eyes and hugged her back. “Safe travels, Chlobear. Love you.” 

“Love you, too. So much.” She embraced her mom next, echoing the same sentiment before sliding into the passenger seat and shutting the door behind her. 

Beca slid behind the wheel and started the car, pulling out of the driveway and onto the main road as Chloe waved to her parents. 

“You okay?” She asked after a moment, glancing at Chloe briefly. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Chloe replied with a firm nod. “Thanks for coming with me.” 

“No problem. A break from the city was pretty nice.” 

They landed in NYC a little bit after 8 pm. Beca had the cabbie drop Chloe off at her apartment, then headed to Sarah’s, riding the elevator to her floor. 

She knocked on the door and stepped back, wiping her sweaty palms over the denim of her jeans. Her stomach was in knots, and she wished she could fast-forward the next twenty minutes or so. The door swung open a few seconds later, Sarah standing on the other side. 

“Hey you,” she greeted with a small smile. 

“Hey,” Beca murmured, kissing Sarah’s cheek out of habit. “How was your day?” 

“Same old,” Sarah said as she shut the door, then moved towards the kitchen. “How was the trip? You want a beer?”

“It was nice,” Beca replied as she followed, leaning against the counter. “No thanks, I’m good.” She took a deep breath, knowing she had to do this now before she chickened out. 

“What’s up?” Sarah asked as she closed the fridge and turned around, leaning against the opposite counter.

Beca cleared her throat, nibbling on the inside of her cheek. “So, um. I’ve been thinking a lot about us moving in together and I…” Honesty. Honesty was the best policy. Rip off the band-aid. “I don’t see myself getting there.”

Sarah visibly swallowed, and she nodded slowly, glancing down at the floor for a few beats. Given her reaction, Beca could tell she had been sort of expecting it.

“I’m sorry,” Beca murmured, a lump rising in her throat. “I know I gave you false hope by saying we would figure something out, I just wasn’t sure how I felt up until recently.” She grimaced. “The last thing I want is to hurt you. But you deserve someone who can be all in.”

The tear running down Sarah’s face broke Beca’s heart. She blinked back her own, exhaling slowly. 

“Like you seem to be all in with Chloe?” Sarah asked quietly, stunning Beca into silence. 

“What?” 

Sarah’s eyes rolled towards the ceiling. “You’re oblivious to that, too?” When Beca didn’t say anything, she released a soft laugh. It was anything but humorous. “I see the way you look at her, Bec. I know the both of you living together was something that just happened because Chloe didn’t have anywhere to stay, but I can tell you like having her around. I can tell you have feelings, even if you don’t seem to realize it yet. I was hoping I was wrong, but you not hesitating on going on that trip when we hadn’t seen each other in over a week made it pretty clear that Chloe would always come first.” 

Beca’s brain was stuck on the first part. Did she really look at Chloe differently? Feelings? She cared about her, sure, but-- “That’s not—”

Sarah swiped her palm over her cheeks, nodding. “And you’re right. I deserve someone who looks at me the way you look at Chloe. Like I’m their person. Someone who loves me as much as I love them.” 

“Me ending things doesn’t have anything to do with Chloe,” Beca said softly, truly believing that. She knew the next words were going to sting, but she needed Sarah to believe it, too. “I just… don’t see this going anywhere.” She hung her head, feeling like the worst person in the world for breaking someone’s heart. “I’m sorry, Sarah.” 

“Yeah. Me, too.” Sarah cleared her throat, pinching her lips together for a moment, seemingly trying to keep a hold on her emotions. “I think you should go.” 

Beca nodded, another apology laying on the top of her tongue. She swallowed it back knowing it probably wouldn’t make Sarah feel any better, and pushed to her feet, quietly walking out of Sarah’s apartment.

[calumance]

Father’s Day- C.H.

Warnings: fluff, some sexual tension, one cuss word.

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: Aiden and Mama pull together a whole day of surprises for Calum.

A/N: I got multiple requests for a Father’s Day special, so I put some of my other requests on hold so I could ACTUALLY post this on Father’s Day. Hope you like it!!! 🥰🥰 Feedback and requests are always welcomed!!! (Want to be tagged? Let me know!)

Masterlist

        For the first time since Aiden was born, she woke up before Calum. It’s Father’s Day and even though she has made the past three absolutely special, she wanted to make this one the most special Father’s Day yet. In an effort to not wake up her sleeping husband, she very slowly crawled out of the bed, placing the blankets back so the bed looked neat. She tiptoed out of the room and shut the door as quietly as possible. When she opened Aiden’s bedroom door, he was already standing at the end of his bed waiting for her. Together, they made their way down the hallway to start preparing to have the most amazing Father’s Day.

        While Aiden sat at the table, coloring a special picture for his dad, she stood in the kitchen cooking his favorite breakfast. Just as she finished putting his food on his plate, Calum rounded the corner. All he was wearing was a pair of grey sweatpants, his hair was still messy from sleeping, and his eyes were only half open. She laughed and met him halfway, wrapping her arms around his torso and looking up at him. “Happy Father’s Day, honey.” She said as he sleepily wrapped his arms around her neck, pulling her close.

        He kissed the top of her head and hummed, “Thank you, my love.” As if the aroma from the food finally made its way to him, he popped his head up and looked over her into the kitchen. “Did you make me breakfast?” He asked and smiled down at his wife.

        She smiled from ear to ear and nodded before letting go of him and patting his chest. “Go sit down, I’ll bring you your food and some coffee.” Calum nodded and kissed her nose before moving towards the table Aiden was sitting at.

        Aiden smiled happily at Calum as he sat down, “Hi, daddy! I made you this!” Aiden pushed the paper towards Calum and Calum grabbed the paper and held it between his fingers.

        It was a picture of two stick figures one bigger than the other, but they were holding hands and smiling. Above their heads were little doodles of hearts and stars, and then the words ‘Daddy’ written over the bigger figure and ‘Aiden’ written over the smaller figure. Calum’s heart melted and he smiled from ear to ear. He looked over to his son who was happily waiting for Calum’s reaction. Calum reached over and ran his fingers through his son’s hair. “Thank you, buddy. I absolutely love it.” Aiden giggled as Calum leaned over and peppered Aiden’s face with kisses.

        As Calum pulled Aiden into his lap, she put a plate down in front of Calum and ran her finger nails through Calum’s hair. Calum leaned his head back as her nails trailed to the back of his head. That feeling always drive’s him nuts, when he turned towards her, there was s mirk sitting on her lips and all he could do was shake his head. “We have more surprises for you, daddy!” Aiden exclaimed as he twisted around to look at Calum.

        Calum raised his eyebrows and took a bite of his food, but before he could say anything, his wife pipped up from the other side of the kitchen. “Yes, but we have to let daddy eat breakfast first, remember?” She looked at her overzealous four year old in a way that made him duck his head and giggle nervously. Calum chuckled and Aiden hopped of his lap and ran towards the living room to go watch TV.

        Calum took a drink of his coffee as she sat in the chair next to him, holding her own cup of coffee between both hands. “You didn’t have to do anything for me, sunshine,” he said as he placed his cup back on the table and then placed his hand on her knee.

        She smiled and looked at the tattoo on his hand, the one that has his own father’s initials on it. “I know,” she started as she ran her fingertips over the black ink, “but since you’re so special to both me and Aiden, we wanted to do something special for you.” She noted as she looked back up at her husband, love filling her heart to the point that it was about to overflow.

        He moved his hand from her knee and gently cupped her face. “Thank you, my honey. I love you.” He leaned forward, leaving his hand on her face and pressing his lips to hers, gently but absolutely full of love.

        She reveled in the feeling of his lips against hers, a smirk playing at her lips as they disconnected from his. “I have my own surprise for you later,” she said seductively while his face was still close to hers. Calum paused and she smiled fully and popped up, away from him, “Now, finish your breakfast, we have a full day of activities ahead of us.” She patted his leg and abruptly stood up from her chair, leaving him to groan and roll his eyes as she walked away.

        After Calum finished his breakfast, he made his way into the bedroom to shower and get ready for the day. He was half way through his shower when there was a soft knock on the door, “Do you mind if I join you?” She asked as she poked her head into the bathroom.

        He ran his hand down his face to clear the water from his face. “Of course.” He said as he pushed open the shower door. She pulled her clothes off and stepped into the shower with him. His eyes trailed over her body and he couldn’t stop his hands from trailing down her sides and feeling her warm skin against his.

        She smirked as his lips softly pressed against his. “Not until tonight, dear.” She whispered as her lips grazed over his.

        He groaned and looked over her again. “You’re torturing me.” He sighed as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck and kissed the water off her skin. She chuckled and ran her hands down his back, and kissing the side of his head.

        After they got out of the shower and got dressed, they both helped Aiden get dressed, and then headed out towards the car. Calum sat in the passenger seat as she drove them into town and stopped at a little café. “Stay here,” she said as she popped open the door and ran into the café. Calum watched her as she smiled at the cashier and grabbed a large brown paper bag. His eyes stayed glued on her, but his attention was on Aiden who was happily singing along to the radio in the backseat. When she returned back to the car, she opened the backseat and placed the bag on the floor in front of Aiden. She sat back in the driver’s seat and smiled at her husband, “Alright, let’s go.”

        They drove into the mountains, and eventually parked at the entrance to a hiking trail that Calum frequented before Aiden was born. Calum looked at his wife who just smirked and hopped out of the car. He placed his hands in his pockets as she pulled Aiden out of his car seat and grabbed a bag out of the trunk and placed the brown paper bag inside. She threw it over her shoulder and locked up the car before grabbing Aiden’s hand and starting down the trail.

        Calum followed behind, looking at the scenery and the two people in his life that have made everything seem right in his life. They were swinging their hands back and forth while singing songs from the TV shows Aiden watched often enough that he knew the songs by heart. Calum smiled to himself and looked at the dirt beneath his feet. Even if they just turned around and went home now, this was still the best Father’s Day yet.

        At the top of the trail, they stopped and she placed the bag on the ground. She squatted and pulled out a blanket and unfolded it before laying it on the ground. Together, the three of them sat on the blanket and enjoyed the food she had preordered from the café. “So a picnic at the top of my favorite trail?” Calum asked while raising an eyebrow and leaning back on his hand.

        “Am I killing this Father’s Day or what?” She asked with a shit-eating grin pulling at her lips. Calum chuckled and nodded, taking another bite from his sandwich and then reaching forward to ruffle the curls atop his son’s head.

        The hike back to the car was easier than the hike to the top, but still did not make it any less exhausting. On the drive home, Aiden fell asleep, and was still out cold as the car pulled into the driveway. Calum carefully lifted Aiden’s limp body from the car seat and placed him on his shoulder as he carried him inside. Calum placed Aiden in his bed to continue to let him sleep, he stirred and mumbled while still holding onto Calum “But daddy, we still have more surprises.”

        Calum smiled and kissed Aiden’s cheek and pulled his fingers off of his shirt. “We’ll get to the rest of the surprises when you wake up, okay, buddy?” Aiden nodded as Calum ran his fingers down Aiden’s soft cheek and he went limp in the bed.

        The door clicked shut as he walked out of the room and into the living room, finding the love of his life laying on the couch, the TV off but her eyes closed and her arm placed over her forehead. He smiled devilishly and made his way over to the couch and crawled over her, places soft kisses over her jaw. She groaned and moved her head, “Not until later, now it’s nap time.” She chuckled as he groaned and fell on top of her. Eventually giving in to the idea of a nap, and falling asleep with his head on her chest.

        “Daddy, mommy, wake up! There’s still more surprises!” Aiden exclaimed and he shook Calum awake.

        Calum sat up, careful of the woman underneath him, and he looked around. It was dark out now, and he looked at the clock to see how long they had been asleep. It had only been a few hours, but he still sighed knowing that there was little chance of getting Aiden to go down easy tonight. “What other surprises do you have for me, buddy?” Calum asked while pinching Aiden’s chin gently.

        “Come on, daddy!” Aiden grabbed Calum hand and pulled him off the couch. He looked over to his wife who was still laying on the couch, smiling like she knew exactly what was happening. Aiden pulled Calum into the backyard and he was met with a big screen and a bunch of pillows and blankets ready for them to cuddle up under the stars and watch a movie together.

        “Wow, did you and mommy do all of this for me?” Calum asked as Aiden let go of his hand. Aiden nodded and Calum looked to his side as he felt the warm touch of his wife against his arm. Aiden pulled Calum over to the pile of blanket and pillows and sat down with him, Aiden quickly crawling into Calum’s lap. Calum wrapped his arms around his son tightly as his wife sat down next to them and turned on the projector and the movie started.

        After the movie ended, Aiden pulled Calum up and pulled him back inside. She followed behind them, her arms crossed over her chest and a smile on her face. Aiden pulled Calum down the hallway and into his bedroom where Aiden pulled out a cutout of a bass in different colored papers, and then in the middle of the bass was Aiden’s school picture. Calum took it from Aiden and tears started to form in his eyes. “Did you make this?” He asked and Aiden nodded. “This is amazing, buddy, thank you!” Calum leaned forward and kissed Aiden’s forehead and pulled him into a hug that seemed to last forever.

        “Alright Aiden, it’s time for bed. I’m sure daddy is all tired from all of the surprises from today.” Aiden groaned but obeyed and got ready for bed. Once Aiden was tucked in, Calum followed his wife out of his bedroom where she slowly walked across the hall and into their bedroom. “Are you ready for your last surprise?” She said as she turned and wrapped her arm around his neck and hastily pressed her lips against his.

        He groaned against her lips and wrapped one arm around her waist, blindly putting Aiden’s Father’s Day gift on the dresser behind him. As soon as her lips left his, he found the breath to say, “More than ever,” before kicking the door shut and falling onto the bed with her.

************

Tag list: @mantlereid @notinthesameguey @viiirg0 @wheniminouterspace @thinkofmehlgh​ @another-lonely-heart​ @limer-encia​ @itsmytimetoodream​

[itsbuckysworld]

What’s on your back?

Pairing: BUCKY x Single Parent Reader AU

Prompt: Anon asked: #84 Drabble request please. (really old ask from when I did Short Bucky Drabbles  - pick a number from this list )

This is also my entry for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​: Star’s multi fandom writing challenge. My prompt is Single Parent AU

(first of all, wow this is from SO FUCKING LONG AGO I haven’t been writing but I felt like writing again today, picked a random forgotten ask from my inbox and am currently praying and doing every ritual in the history of the world so that this writing impulse continues.)

Also this is just short and sweet and fluff and badly written because I’m off my game 100%, like how does one even write prose? I've been only writing scripts for a month, idk how to do this anymore

  Bucky’s footsteps have always been very silent. Call it a curse – or a blessing – result of having night shifts most of his life and just being a rebellious teenager, getting in at late hours of the night, tip-toeing so as to not wake his mother or roommates.

Him sneaking up on you with great ease has been a staple since you first met him and it’s almost impossible to get him back. “I’m like a spy babe” he’d say “you can’t out-spy me” and it was true. No matter how hard you tried, he always knew. 

That added to his prankster self equalled many and many little jump scares. And he’d time them perfectly too. For a while you expected them and then when the anticipation died down, he’d strike again. Coming up from behind you and tickling you into his arms. 

He would do it to your daughter Ellie as well, but she loved it, so much so that now she was becoming a little prankster herself, trying to spook you left and right – although to be completely honest, 90% of the time you and Bucky both acted surprised just to see her giggle at your exaggerated scared faces. 

It always warmed your heart seeing Bucky play with her, even when the game was scheming how to scare momma. The two of them had all of your heart. 

Finding Bucky had been your second biggest blessing, right after Ellie, and seeing them get along as well as they did? Well, that was everything to you. 

It was a warm summer evening when it happened. You had spent the day finding ways to keep your daughter entertained as the last few days of summer vacation rolled around. Summer camp was over, it was just you and her – and almost always Bucky – and toys and movies. 

Bucky had taken her upstairs for a much needed bath and then she was tasked with picking up her toys for the day, while you cleaned around the mess that was a day of drawing and cooking.

The kitchen smelled like freshly baked cookies and you scooped crayons and markers from the counter and into a bag filled with tons and tons of colored pencils. Thankfully no walls had been colored in the activity this time around. You admire your little girl’s pieces of art. Cats with wings, happy trees, polka-dotted flowers outside a rainbow colored house, and one drawing of a happy family of three that made you stop in your tracks. 

Ellie’s representation of herself stood in a red dress and highlighter yellow shoes, holding hands between two drawings of a man and a woman, clearly marked Mom and Daddy Bucky.

“What’s that?” Bucky’s voice startled you, making your heart race even faster than it already was. Damn him and his silent feet. You turned around in a hop, hiding the drawing behind your back, and seeing his smug smile paint his features. 

“Hm?” you tried to act nonchalant, step around him and leave the room, but he wouldn't allow it, instead your actions making him even more curious. 

“Babe? what's on your back?”

“Nothing!”

“What are you hiding?” his tone was playful as the two of you danced around the kitchen counter, him trying to get the mysterious paper from your hands. He was into the game while your mind was busy overthinking the drawing.

It wasn’t that it was wrong of Ellie to be thinking of Bucky as her dad – for fuck’s sake it gave you chills to think about it, the good kind. But it was something that you and Bucky hadn’t really talked about. In fact, Ellie has probably only called Bucky dad by mistake a total of 2 times in the years he’s been in your life, and he had never heard it. It’s just...

What if Bucky didn’t want that?

He wasn’t only light on his feet, he was also quick, and before you knew it he had tricked you into a corner and reached over to grab the paper. He kept it out of your reach, laughing as he unfolded the corners and took a look. 

His eyes lingered as the laughter died down and your teeth found comfort in bitting down on your lip. Shit shit shit. 

Bucky gave you a long look, mouth hanging open in disbelief, and then his eyes danced back and forth between you and the small drawing.

“Wha- I” he stuttered. The silence felt heavy, almost deafening. Your chest felt a sledgehammer trying to tear down a wall of bricks – thump, thump, bang, bang – and the room grew smaller and smaller. The happy chills that ran down your whole body mere seconds before, were now little bumps of dread covering you from head to toe. 

And then Bucky’s lips turned into a small smile. Painting shaking lightly in his hold.

Bucky looked at himself in it, a bubbly teary laugh escaping his lips, as he took in his doodle figure dressed in very tall boots and a bright pink tie, and the whole look was tied together with scattered brown dots that made up his beard and spikey black hair.

“Buck?” your voice was small barely above a whisper. Bucky’s sniffles echoed around the room. “are you mad?” his head shot up to look at you. Before you could process what was happening, he had you pressed to the fridge and between his arms, kissing you madly. 

“Mad? How- Fuck, this- I’m the happiest man alive, doll” His words slurred, out of breath from kissing you. 

His forehead was pressed to yours, the tip of his cold nose caressing the tip of yours, and he didn’t dare open his eyes as tears slid down his cheeks. And he laughed, oh how he laughed, so full of joy and whole. 

“I-” he stuttered, pressing kisses to your lips before he took in a long deep breath. The breath before he bared himself to you, fingertips caressing your jaw. “Y/N, I’ve had a ring in the inner pocket of my suit jacket since you told me you loved me too last spring. You and Ellie - you’re my girls, I- Gosh I can’t imagine being without you two. You girls are my family, you’re it for me”

Under the blinking cold light of your kitchen you had never felt warmer, not from the summer heat that clothed your house, but from love for the man that stood before you. 

“You’re it for us too” you answered in a truthful sigh, melting into his figure. 

The piece of paper that crumpled between your two bodies in your embrace was just the first of the collection of family portraits that would litter your house in the days and years to come, but definitely Bucky’s favorite, for it was the fire that ignited him to ask you to marry the fool that he was. A fool who adored you and your daughter madly.  

Thanks for reading!

I haven't written anything for this blog in ages. I’m very out of the loop. I’m sorry. I hope you enjoyed this either way. 

Love, L

[lanamemories2]

rides onto the dash nude n on horseback like this pic of sam way. oh fancy seeing u here.......... im impeccably tensed our entire exchange. buns like steel cld crack a nut open between them. i’m nai n it’s so nice to meet u all!!!! i’m one of the admins here (josefine frida pettersen on the main) n i’m so Excited 2 get things going........... some facts abt me r i sometimes hv a witch’s cackle, i once drunkenly swung frm a tree branch pretending to b tarzan n fell n grass stained my fav jeans at 4 in the morning n i lov spicy food despite the fact it mkes me sweat like a hog in the sun. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here n playlist is here 👺🌚

「kristine froseth & cis-female」⇾ jameson , lana, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a gemini and 22 years old. she is studying dance, living in off campus and can be vivacious, passionate, childish & impulsive. when i see her i am reminded of stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, lipstick on a stranger’s throat, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, an origami swan made from an old receipt, tickling a stranger’s chin with the end of a feather boa, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off a bruise there, doodling penises in the condensation of a car window, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. albums framed on the walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i summarised it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”, not that u wld know from all of the gardener’s pruning

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. (drugs/addiction tw) they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast. very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation/delusion tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her PBJs so they lkd like teddy bears (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents / a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving like pretty besides herself bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in n out of hospital n he turned to using as a way to cope so it’s been a rly bumpy road since. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Pretty Gorl

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr hookups even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. the risk is honestly part of the appeal to her sometimes she’s :////// quite self destructive n jst likes a thrill to mke her feel Alive. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) she’s had.................... SCH a bad history dating wise. she almost always dates fking.... actual beasts like i jst wna gently shake her by the shoulders sometimes bt :////////////// one of her recent exes is in prison aftr he beat up someone she’d slept w in front of her like she jst. has had a very Not Sexy time w romance...... she hd to b a witness in the trial abt it n he ws found guilty n sent down so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

this past summer she gt a job at a burlesque club in downtown lovell!!! it honestly is her dream job like. dancing? being sexy? fav hobbies................. most delicious pastimes... 10/10 ideal fr her............... she almost started working at a coyote ugly bar bt this one won her over. she usually jets off to some foreign country n has a rly exotic n action packed summer bt i think she wldv just been working local there fr this one to b close to her brother (the rehab he’s at is close like a 40 min drive so!). she’s also moved into a big lofty apartment w 3 roommates tht’s above a chinese take out w lots of lanterns hung outside. the street? scott street......................... tribute to mizz phoebe bridgers hunger games salutes to the sky so it travels 2 her............. she gt a red heart shaped bath tub installed which hs always been her dream so honestly the summer hs been pretty gd to her....... five stars on yelp she deserves Some happiness once in a while

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

growing up lana was always a HUGE social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget (cld b a gd or bad thing depends on ur Stance...... she can be a lot tho frankly). very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring act tht femme fatales wear in movies sometimes. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as or the person she feels ppl want her to be. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

always the last one awake at the party. jst doesn’t seem to hv.... an off switch. every1 else cld b passed out at 6am n she’d still b swaying around to sunday morning by the velvet underground in her underwear drinking frm a bottle of merlot

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. she’s tht tumblr post tht’s like flirting will b ur hubris n the reply is like kind of sexy of u to say so................ SO confident cld talk to anyone. makes a joke out of anything. tends to laugh when she feels like crying. even if she DOES cry she’ll smile thru it like it isn’t happening she jst.... doesn’t like to b negative ever if she cn help it

she’s amassed a weird collection of like... Things various ppl she’s known hv made abt her. this guy she ws friends w wrote a song abt her n performed it at a gig she went to without telling her in advance. it ws rly dramatic he sang it n looked at her the whole time n she ws jst a bit like.... omg.... lmfao............... she’s also hd various paintings done of her. i honestly dnt even rly kno hw it happens she jst has a personality where she..... leaves an impression like a lipstick print on a white shirt w some ppl.................. she’s like tht tumblr post where someone arrives at a poetry reading n is like hi yes........ where do the muses sit? except she isn’t rly.... obnoxious abt it she jst shrugs n is like.......... oh that........... KJHSFKHGSFKGHSFKGSFHGK. it’s a charmed life fr some

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. whips her in the town square like gale

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her??? chaos. anguish. strife. 

someone tht works at the burlesque club in downtown lovell w her!!!!! as like a bartender or another dancer or security or................... whtvr honestly. hvn’t worked out a name fr the club yet bt i think it cld b a fun setting to write stuff in n there cld b lots to build off there!!

a cousin plot cld b fun too

her n freya nilsen run smthn called Dick Sisters Inc......... they hv a twitter fr it n everything.... n a hq based in one of the abandoned dorms in the leach building.... lots of inflatable furniture disco balls.............. lana even gt replica airplane seats so they cn sit n b served drinks by this guy tht runs errands fr them who they call bucket....... they bsically like. set ppl up n help ppl get laid it’s a matchmaking service of sorts.......... started as a joke bt nw it’s genuinely become quite a profitable business w word spreading all over campus........ ugh entrepreneurial icons... anyway mayb ur chara cld come to lana fr Dick Sisters assistance......... mayb they’v come to them in the past......... 

a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

briefly did camgirl stuff on an independent bt up n coming porn site....... titters.......... mayb ur muse used a pseudonym n recognises lana frm it bt is too embarrassed to admit they were subscribed............ mayb they happened upon her on there once n nw r jst like. what do i do w this knowledge. idk cld b fun to work around perhaps

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all i won’t lie to u. relentless.....

umm a good influence too mayb?

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

[bi-cookie]

“Little Rookie”

⇾ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Ethan Ramsey x Kinsley Kentwood x their daughter { Bellamy Ramsey }

⇾ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): so sweet you might wake away with diabetes.

⇾ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐲: Ethan cooks up a delicious breakfast for his little rookie.

⇾ 𝐀/𝐍: This is Day 10 Promot: Food for the @choicesnovemberchallenge. Enjoy.

⇾ 𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭: @cxld-play ✫ @zeniamiii ✯ @malakbesharah ✯ @it-lives-everywhere ✯ @eudxra ✯ @hayden-deserves-better ✯ @lives-for-fanfics ✯ @dr-nancy-house ✯ @warrior-queen-kenna ✯ @princess-geek ✯ @nyssa-loves-choices ✯

It was a quite Saturday morning, the steady patter of the rain tipped upon the window, the wet season didn't generally start for another fortnight but the sky was painted grey already. Kinsley was sitting on the couch flipping through the new issue of Medical Journal Monthly while Bellamy sat next to her watching Jenner play around and eating her cereal.

“Mornin’ rookie,” Ethan walked up behind the couch and planted a small kiss on his wife’s temple, while ruffling the top of Bellamy’s head, ”Mornin’ little rookie.”

“Papa you’re awake!” Kinsley took the bowl from Bellamy as she fidgeted to stand up, reaching for her dad with both arms.

“I sure am,” he grabbed her up and spun her around as her mother watched, her chin propped up on the edge of the couch. This had to be better than heaven. The three of them just like this.

The older Doctor sat his daughter down on the counter and she scooted a bit to cross her legs.

“What would you like to eat angel?”

“Mama made me cereal.” Ethan glanced at his wife who caught his eye, but quickly turned away, flipping through the pages of the journal.

“Kinsley.”

“What?” She chuckled and shook her head,

”You know what.”

“Nope. I have no idea,” she smiled.

“I think Bellamy here knows what.” He watched his daughter perk up and nod fervently, “daddy knows that mama can’t cook.”

”Such a smart little angel aren’t you?”

“Hey! I am a great cook.”

Ethan clapped and raised his eyebrow at her, who’s now leaning her hip against the counter by Bellamy, arms crossed,

“Okay fine I can’t cook And since you’re so good at judging my cooking why don’t you cook for us Chef Ramsey?”

“Alright I will. Step aside and let me show you how it’s done. I’m going to make us some hearty and delicious pancakes.”

“Oh! Please will you make them with the chocolate chips Papa? Pretty please?”

Ethan smiled so hard his cheeks begin to ache, “Anything for my little girl.” Bellamy hopped off the counter with help from her mommy, wrapping her tiny arms around her papa’s legs. He patted her head lovingly and watched, as she skipped all the way to the living room.

“Need help with the pancakes Papa?” He raised an eyebrow at her while getting everything ready.

“Yeah sure, but leave the Papa name calling to Bellamy.” Kinsley scoffed as she got the milk and eggs from the fridge.

“That’s not what you said last night.”

“W-what?”

“Nothing,” she answered innocently patting her eyelashes at him; he began separating the ingredients to add to the bowl, cutting up some fruit so they could add them as toppings later on.

[ A few moments later ]

Kinsley turned the stove on, when suddenly she felt the kitchen go quite for a while; turning around she was met with Ethan watching Bellamy doodle in her little coloring book, smiling at his little girl.

“Ethan?” She called out, but he didn’t respond. She walked up to him and upon approaching; she could see that his eyes were glistening.

“Ethan?” this time he turned around facing her.

“She’s so beautiful Kinsley. I wake up every morning and find you two sitting on that couch and I swear to god, you two are the best goddamn thing that had ever happened to me. I love you so much.”

Kinsley’s breath hitched, she’s never seen Ethan this vulnerable.

“Ethan.” She leaned forward and caught his lips with her own. Their kiss was sweet and quick, but perfect as it is. He smiled, burying his face in her neck. They stayed like that for a little while before resuming their cooking.

In about 15-20 minutes the food was ready, they watched as their little angel helped with putting the pancakes on everybody’s plate; decorating them with blueberries and banana smiley faces. The three of them headed into the living room and sat on the couch, Bellamy right in between.

“How is the food sweetie?” Kinsley asked after a couple of bites, knowing the answer already. Ethan makes the best pancakes ever, and Bellamy never gets tired of saying so.

“Wike Weahen.” She replied with a mouthful of food. Causing her father to laugh, as he kissed the top of her head. 

“Awwe thank you angel. Hear that Kinsley. Just like heaven.” Kinsley rolls her eyes. 

“Right. Rub it in why don’t you.”

Laughter filled the room as they continued to eat. When they’ve all finished up, Bellamy sat herself in front of the television, coloring in the book her grandfather gave her for her birthday. 

Ethan wrapped his arm around his wife, who pressed herself more into her husband’s chest as they watched their daughter think about which color would be perfect to fill in the empty spaces.

Kinsley traced the letters ‘I love you’ on Ethan’s belly. He rested his head on top of hers; and traced the letters ‘I’ll love you always and forever’ on her arm.

Fin.

[bri-anne-not-neville]

dancing under red skies - one

the wolf that waited at the edge

"I want everything back, the way it was. but there is no point to it, this wanting"

Margaret Atwood

--

In life there are these moments. These crystal clear moments where you knew without a doubt that nothing would ever be the same again. And all of that happiness you had once felt so intensely would be eclipsed by this tight darkness that wove itself around you, that pushed against you until you thought you might suffocate from the pressure. And there it would stay, a perpetual reminder of what you may never have again.

This was one of these moments.

When you stand solemnly, head bowed, maybe in prayer, as a body is lowered into the ground. And you only vaguely register the hysterical sobbing of the people that loved him. That loved him the same way you did, maybe even more.

And you'll grip your mother's hand tightly, perhaps, to reassure her because between the screaming and the tears she's definitely not breathing right, but maybe it's to make sure you can still feel things. Just to make sure that you're still rooted so irrevocably to this Earth nothing can steal you away. Not even this grief.

I hate crying in front of people, but today, I cry, and I cry, and I cry. I let the tears slide down my cheeks and I don't care who sees it. Because I will never see my dad again.

While my tears are silent, save for the sporadic breathy hiccups that force its way out of my throat, my mother's is the opposite. Nothing about her suffering is silent. She clutches at her throat like she can't breathe. She bends over lower with each wail like she can't believe the coffin is being lowered into the ground without her.

My mother wraps her arms around herself and grips the bare flesh of her forearms so tightly the little half moon crescent's left behind bleed. My aunt Emily's hands hover precariously above her shoulders.

And as I watch my mother come undone I know I will never forget this moment.

--

By the time my mother composes herself everyone is gone, save for my aunt, and her fiance. Emily clasps my mother's hands in her own, and Sam stands protectively behind her. Not for the first time I wonder how they ended up together, he's so much larger than her, and his face seemed forever stretched into a scowl.

I could only hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

"Come home… Eva, you know you aren't safe anymore…" Emily's usually pleasant voice came out in a harsh whisper. Her large doll-like eyes glistened with unshed tears. She was still so beautiful despite the large crooked scar that traveled from temple to chin.

Sam's voice came out in a low grumble, too quiet for me to hear, at any rate. My mother's head bobbed along to whatever they were saying lethargically. I knew what they were talking about had to be important, and that I should want to know more about it but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Instead I circled the freshly churned dirt.

Golden leaves crunched beneath my feet noisily. Parts of the soil were moist and while I was walking primarily on solid ground I couldn't fight the feeling that I was sinking.

The wind picked up and sent a swirl of red brown leaves spiraling. In the distance the horizon was an unbroken line of trees that twisted and reached unanimously for the sky. Save for a large dark mass of fur.

At first I thought it was a bear, and my heart dropped in the pit of my stomach. But on further examination it wasn't a bear at all.

It was a wolf.

However, It did very little to calm the incessant beating of my heart. My instinct was to run at first, to gather up my broken mother and finally go home, but the wolf wasn't moving. He sat there patiently, like maybe he was waiting for something.

I inched closer until I didn't have to squint to make out the details, the fur on his chest was a light brown that traveled down his back into a brown so dark it could have been black. His eyes were a burnt orange, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Its large head tilted to the side, akin to that of a dog. His ears twitched and large rounded eyes met mine.

Come closer, they begged. Come see what I'm hiding.

Without thinking I took a step, and then another. Forever inching closer to the edge. You're going the wrong way, my brain pleaded, turn around, turn around, turn around.

"Maggie!"

Like that the spell was broken, I whipped around so quickly it hurt my neck. Sam was glaring in my direction, at me or behind me, I didn't know. Emily watched cautiously; her face unreadable. Tears still fell freely down my mother's cheeks, but she was using her stern, I-am-your-mother voice.

"Don't go wandering off, you know better than that." Her words startled me, or maybe not her words but the annoyed undertone that punctuated the silence.

"I-I'm sorry… but…" the words were slow and apologetic, I pointed half-heartedly to the expanse of trees that stretched across the skyline in front of me. There's a wolf. I want to say, and I don't know why but I think he wants me to get closer. My mother's brows furrow together in confusion, and Sam raises a skeptical eyebrow as if to challenge my sanity.

When I look again the wolf is gone, trees spill across the horizon in uninterrupted waves of mossy green. Maybe grief was making me crazy.

--

When we get home that night nobody does much talking. Save for Emily's occasional idle chatter, Sam grunts out a response, but my mother is too heart sick to do even that, instead she picks at her food and stares blankly ahead.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed." My voice is a little hoarse from misuse, and I have to clear my throat to make the words come out clearly. Normally, I wouldn't be allowed to excuse myself, and I wait for my mother to say something, to call me back to the table. But she doesn't even flinch. I carried my uneaten plate of food to the kitchen, it was a shame I wasn't hungrier, Emily really was an amazing cook.

"Oh, sleep good Maggie." Emily gave me a sympathetic smile as I rounded the corner back into the dining room, my mother nodded numbly along with her. I couldn't blame her. I had never seen two people more in love than my mother and father. I lost a dad, but she lost something so much more.

My room was a mess, usually I keep it very clean, but the past few weeks had been a frenzy of crying and screaming and breaking things. As a result, my favorite belongings lay strewn across the floorboards. My latest sketchbook lay motionless face down underneath a few of my old stuffed animals and t-shirts.

I shrug off the black dress I'd been wearing previously and change into pajamas, I don't bother picking it up. I leave it on the floor and I let it rot. Hot tears prick at the back of my eyes but I force them down. I don't look at that dress, the dress that meant my dad was gone for good now.

I curl up on my bed and wrap the covers around myself, and for the first time since I heard the news I pick up my sketchbook and I draw. I've been drawing for what feels like forever. Since I could hold a pencil I was doodling. My father always doodled along with me. My fondest memories are of us painting together.. He bought me every single sketchbook I've ever owned.

"Don't know where you get that talent from girlie," He'd say, but he'd pick up his brush and he'd try anyways. His colors would be muddy and he liked to flick paint on me but every time without fail he'd set his canvas up to mine and asked what we were painting. "I sure as hell can't draw, and don't ever tell her I said this but neither can your mother. We're the same in that way."

"And how are we the same, Daddy?" I would ask, and even then I wanted so desperately to have something in common with him.

"Well, Maggie," He'd humm softly and glob a disgusting brown on his pure white canvas, he'd scratch his cheek and his lips would quirk up. His eyes crinkled at the edge and he'd make his voice soft for me, "we're cave dwellers you and I."

I didn't realize I was crying until the tear stained paper ripped. I pressed the eraser into the paper hard. And for a moment I have an insane urge to rip every single piece of paper out of my sketchbook. But this is the last thing my dad ever gave me; did I really want to destroy it?

Yes, a part of me screamed. A part of me wanted to split the book in two, I wanted to feel the resistance of something held together by more than glue break beneath my fingertips.

Instead I snap the book shut and toss it to the floor, out of sight, out of mind, right? I don't want to do something I'm going to regret.

I flick the bedroom light off and I put on my headphones, I press play and I turn it up to full volume. I let the music scream at me, at first it hurts my ears but slowly I become desensitized to it. The vibrations travel down my spine in ripples of magnetic shock waves. I let myself get lost in the music, in the loud screaming, in the rasp of the lead singer's voice. And for a moment I can almost pretend everything's okay.

I'm at the cemetery again, it takes a long time to register that maybe I shouldn't be. It's dark out now and the tombstones are bathed in shadow and moonlight, birds dance across the stone. A devastating tango.

I search for my father's grave; the stones stretch upwards for miles. A sense of urgency abruptly fills my bones, away, get away, my brain screams. I take a step forward, the mud gripping my shoes makes it hard for me to move. It's like wadding through water, but I force myself to take the next step. And then another.

I don't know how many steps I take until I finally crest the hill, but I make it to the top, sobbing and breathing and muddy but at the top all the same. And there at the end of all things was the dense wood. Shrouded in darkness, the watery moon shone directly on a dark mass of fur. A spotlight made of bone and blood.

The wolf took a tentative step forward, my heart hammered dangerously in my chest. I could feel every angry beat. The wolf took another step, and then another. Gradually his soft padding turned into a break-neck run.

I tried to take a step backwards, but the mud was working and winding itself up my exposed legs pulling my down. Angry music screamed in the background.

This is chaos.

Still the wolf angrily charges forward, not deterred by the music or the sinking even though the mud tries to take him too. He's so close now I can see every little detail I'd missed earlier.

Finally, he stops in front of me. Nose to nose we stand. He's so much bigger than I thought he'd be, and even if I wasn't sinking, he'd still tower over me. His wet nose presses against my cheek.

And it's enough. It calms the thump, thump, thump of my heart.

I bolt upright, the headphones are slightly askew and my head hurts from crying. I push them down until they rest around my neck and I press a firm hand to my chest. Be still, I pleaded. Each inhale is sharp, and it takes a long time for me to calm down.

My free hand twitches at my side, asks, no begs for me to draw the wolf. To try and capture him, even if it's only a small part of him. It doesn't have to be whole, nothing's ever whole at first.

My hand twitches again, and again until it's almost painful. I don't bother turning on the light, I rummage hap hazardously for my sketchbook, but for some reason I can't find a pen. I have more pens than I know what to do with.

I rummage through drawer after drawer slamming each one closed when I can't find what I'm so desperately looking for. I slam my fist against my desk in unfiltered anger and let out a cry.

Slowly, so slowly, a single pen rolls across the flat mahogany surface of my desk and I cry even harder in relief.

I snatch the pen up, and I clutch it to my chest tightly. My fingers tips turn white from the pressure, but I have to know it's still here, that it won't disappear at any moment. I plop on my bed and I get to sketching, they're scratchy outlines at first. But that's what every drawing starts off as. A line.

I chisel away at the details, I get it wrong multiple times. The leg is a little too large, the head's too small. I keep chipping away though, I think of my father's unfailing determination. Slowly it becomes the wolf that had waited patiently at the edge. For what, I would probably never know.

[purplesurveys]

772

What was the last thing you threw at someone? A piece of meat for my dog to run for. Well, walk and sniff around for. He’s an old guy and doesn’t run anymore unless we’re taking him out for a walk. Do you follow recipes? I always certainly have to, since I don’t have any one dish memorized. I’ll start off with a collection of recipes for sure, but I’m hopeful that I’ll be at least a decent cook over the next few years. Where's the last place you had an itch? The area behind my knee.

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? It’s always important to have eye contact to show you’re paying attention so yeah. But I know it can get uncomfortable for most people at some point – and me – so I’ll give my eyes a break and look at their forehead, their nose, the space between their eyes, etc. When you look into someone's eyes, can you see their pain? Uh no, I don’t look that intensely lmao. And even then, I’ve learned over the years that most people are very good in hiding or playing off their true emotions that even if I try to find something off, I’ll likely turn up with nothing.

When was the last time you sneezed? Midnight today. How do you act under pressure? It will depend on how much there is to do and how much time there is left. I don’t have one permanent behavior for every time I feel pressured, which is pretty often. Who did you last say "I love you" to? My dog. Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? Yes, back when everything was normal I’d sometimes call my girlfriend just to drop by and say hi, and also because our schools are a little far apart and I’ll miss her in the middle of the day. School usually stresses her out so I do that as a pick-me-up for her. When was the last time you used a glue stick? January maybe? Our profs always ask us to submit index cards with our contact details and a 1x1 photo at the start of the semester, so there’s a good chance I asked to borrow glue from someone to paste my photo onto the card. What was the last startling noise you heard? Some dipshit on my Twitter feed decided it was good fun to share a jumpscare disguised as an innocent, cute video at 3 AM. I was mad about it then and I’m still mad as hell about it now lol. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? I did this a lot as a kid. Idk why, I found it interesting to get to know the people in my school and read their write-ups I guess. I stopped looking back on them precisely because I did it too much when I was younger. Do you ever want to be prom queen/king? No. I did not give a shit about prom at all. I really would’ve happily skipped out on it but my school is a complete killjoy and made both attendance and bringing a date mandatory for everyone. No stags, can you believe it? It’s like when Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine said “Have a good time, I specifically requested it” lol Are you tired? Tired of this quarantine, yes. But I took a nap not too long ago so I’m not feeling to sleepy in that sense. Have you ever ran from the police? I haven’t done anything for them to have to do run after me, so no. Are you afraid of clowns? Not really. I was never exposed to them much so I always just saw them as people in heavy makeup that do balloon animals and other funny tricks. Have you ever written on someone's face in your yearbook? HAHA yes. When my sister and I were kids we bickered a lot, and in one of our fights I thought it’d be funny to doodle on her kinder portrait. She didn’t think so and she started wailing - just in time, I heard my mom coming home and I had to think fast so my sister a) stopped crying and b) wouldn’t tell on me. So I did the stupidest thing and also doodled on my own prep portrait to make her feel better. She calmed down and my mom never found out. When was the last time you made dinner? I *helped* my dad make dinner a few months ago. I haven’t completed a meal myself. Do you have any special plans coming up? They’re gonna be mellowing down the lockdown rules in my province by the 15th and I’m really hoping to see Gabie soon. Realistically I doubt it would happen as I don’t think both our parents would agree to it, but it’s still nice to keep hoping. Did you just lose the game? Yep, but I really only found out about this game from Reddit a few months ago and I didn’t grow up having to play it, so I’m never all too pissed off or like emotionally invested in general whenever I lose it haha. What is a class at school you are interested in taking? There are global studies electives that I was unaware of until someone told me to take them after I enrolled for my last sem in collefge. There are courses on Turkish culture, global gastronomy, and they also had past courses on ‘Diversity on Perspectives on Peace and Conflict,’ ‘Cultures of Disasters,’ and ‘Cultures and their Global Entanglements.’ They all sound right up my alley and am disappointed no one told me sooner. Do you hold on to your dreams? Some of them, the ones I know I have a chance of attaining. Obviously I’ve had to let some go, like wanting to go to the moon or becoming a firefighter. Do you follow rules or break them? Follow. I don’t like getting into trouble. Is there someone you are dying to see? A lot of people. Who do you want to be buried next to? I’ve given this zero thoughts. Are you double-jointed? Nope. Did your dream last night involve blood? It didn’t. I’m not even sure what my dreams were anymore. Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom, probably. How do you feel about the new president? I wouldn’t call him new, he’s in the latter half of his term now. I hate him and I hope he dies soon. Do good things come to those who wait? Sure, it can happen. What is the last song you played on iTunes? I haven’t used that in a while. The last one I listened to on Spotify was Sudden Desire by Hayley Williams. Petals For Armor is still on loop, surprise. What is the last thing you looked up on youtube? I was showing my sister the hilarious Vine of Beyoncé where she thanks a talk show host who tells her “You are Beyoncé,” as if it was a compliment looooool, so I looked up “you are beyonce thank you.” When is the last time you went to the grocery store? March 9th. What is your favorite fish? Tuna or eel for raw fish, tilapia for cooked. What kind of calendar do you have? A digital one. Have you ever been two hours late for school? Oh hell no. I’ve been late before, but if it’s as dramatic as being an hour late I usually just cut class to save myself the embarassment of having to do the walk of shame entering the class. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? I don’t have any stuffed animals. Who did you hang out with yesterday? My family, as has been the case since March. Has anyone stolen your heart yet? Yes. Have you ever won a gold medal? No. I’ve won first place before, but they didn’t issue out gold medals. Do you have any trophies? Also no. Do you work out? I don’t. When you introduce yourself, do you give hand shakes? Sometimes, but tbh I just picked it up from Gabie who’s a big hand-shaker. I preferably wouldn’t cause it seems so formal to me. Is there a limit to how many best friends you have? Yeah, like I wouldn’t want to have a lot; I like keeping my immediate circle small. I’m more than content with my two best friends. When's the last time you went to a dance? 2016. What grade are you in? Soooooooooo unbelievably close to graduating college. Are you in a band? I’m not and haven’t been. Have you ever been in a talent show? No thanks. Have you ever won a contest? Competitions, yes. Contests, no. How do you feel about germs? I’m quite particular about them. I don’t like sharing clothes with people; I pick which friends get to eat off of my spoon or sip from my straw; I’m super iffy about touching someone else’s keyboard; I really don’t like having to touch other people’s hair and with that is also the fact that I never borrow or lend hair ties. Holy shit so I’m more germaphobic than I thought and all I had to do was list these things down......................... Do you like screamo music? Not really. What does your wallet look like? Pink and a lot thinner now that I haven’t been given an allowance since they stopped school. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. At this point, I really wish I did lmao Would you rather have money or love? Money. I love love, but I won’t deny that I also love being able to afford the lifestyle I want to live haha. Do you have any family pictures hanging on the wall? Not on the wall, but we have several frames lined up on the first few steps of our stairs. Which do you prefer: bath or shower? Bath after a long hard day. Shower most days. Do you have a lamp in your room? I used to, but I removed it after realizing the light just keeps me from falling asleep faster.

Do you have windows vista? No. Do you have the strength to say goodbye forever? I’ll deal with it if I had no choice, but I’ve never handled goodbyes well.

[feltlivians]

Paper knights (pt. 1)

           Sitting on the edge of my plush baby blue bed I sigh as I place my sketch book next to me. The afternoon light trickles into my room through the window above my desk. My room is rather small with a bed sits next to my desk in a corner. And behind my desk is a small dresser. I lay back on my bed with my legs hanging off the side. I brace myself when I hear the pitter patter of feet running to my bedroom door. My door then bursts open, and someone jumps on top of me.

           “WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!!” Sarina screeches into my ear.

           “Hey that hurts!” I whine holding my ear as Sarina giggles on top of me. “I’ll get up ok, now out.” I command.

           Before Sarina leaves the room, she turns to me. “Oh! Mom and dad left on another business trip so come make breakfast please!”

           I sigh slightly annoyed. I walk over to my tall black dresser and open the top drawer and grab a grey shirt with a paint brush on the front and a sports braw. After closing the first drawer, I open the second one and grab a pair of dark blue jeans and a pair of underwear. Closing that drawer, I open my sock drawer and grab a pair of light pink socks. Taking off my white silk night gown. I put on my cloths and walk over to my desk and grab my phone off the charger and headphones. I also grab my hairbrush and run it through my long strawberry blond hair. I like to leave my hair down most of the time.

           Stepping out of my door I walk down the hall that leads to the living room. Our living room has a large flat screened TV mounted on the wall. About 7 feet from the TV is our charcoal grey L-shaped couch. Between the couch and the TV is a small coffee table that sits on a colorful rug. Behind the couch is a hall that leads to the front door, my parents’ bedroom, and their offices. At the side of the living room is a large arch way that is framed by sticks and twigs.

I walk through the arch into the dining room. In the center of the room is a large dining pine table that is supported by a large pine tree trunk. At the sides of the table are six hand carved chairs each one slightly different from the other. Hanging from the ceiling is a deer antler chandelier with electric flame lights. On west side of the walls are pictures of our family. A grandfather clock sits beneath the photos ticking loudly. At the northern part of the room is another arch with the same design as the last.

Walking through it I enter my destination the kitchen. On the wall across room the arch way is her mother’s pride and joy two restaurant grade stacking convection ovens. Next to the ovens is an antique woodburning stove that only gets used in black outs, and when mom wants to use the bread drawer. Directly next to the wood stove is a marble counter that wraps around the wall and stops two feet from the arch, and about three feet from the wood burning stove is a gas range built into the counter. On the wall behind the gas range cast iron pans hang from hooks. Resting above the rest of the counter space are cupboards. At the center of the room is an island table on wheels. The island table has a bowl of fruit on top of it, and on the bottom shelves are bowls and cooking utensils.

           Walking over to the cupboard next to the gas range. I reach up to the cupboard and open it and grab the pancake mix. After I set it on the counter, I close the cupboard. I turn around and reach to the island table and grab a bowl and whisk I then set it next to the pancake mix. I then walk over to the fridge and grab four eggs and four strips of bacon. Setting the eggs on the counter next to the items I had out. With my spare hand I grab a cast iron frying pan off the wall and set it on the range and lay the strips of bacon in the pan.

Starting the stove, I bring it to a low heat. While the pan was getting warm, I started work on the pancake batter. Once I finish the batter, I flip the bacon pieces. While waiting for the beacon to cook I grab two plates. Once the beacon is nice and crispy, I take it off the pan and set two pieces on each plate. I then pour some of the batter into the pan with the beacon grease. I flip the pancake and gently press on it with a spatula. I perform the same process for the next three pancakes. I place two pancakes on each plate. I then spread some butter on the tops of the pancakes. Smiling to myself I crack the four eggs into the hot pan. Gently flipping the eggs, I call out to my sister.

“Breakfast is ready! If you don’t come here ill eat it for you!” I yell with a smirk on my face as I hear frantic running.

Smiling I place two eggs on each plate. Taking the plates in my hands I waltz into the dining room and one of the plates in front of my giggling sister, and the other on the opposite side of her.

“Here is your breakfast my lady.” I bow and giggle.

In an English accent Sarina responds “I approve of this breakfast loyal servant of mine. Now, where is the syrup?”

I gasp and place my hand over my heart “I am deeply sorry my princess I shall go and fetch it for you now. Oh! By the way my lady would you like milk or tea?”

Sarina taps her finger to her chin and smiles “I would like milk dear servant.” With that she shoos me away with her hand.

I giggle and walk back into the kitchen. Grabbing the milk from the fridge and two cups from the cupboard. Filling the cups with milk I place the jug back in the fridge. Reaching up to another cupboard I grab the syrup and begin to waltz back to the dining room.

“Your milk and syrup my lady.” After I set the things in my arms down onto the table we double over in laughter. “We are weird!” I laugh as I move to sit in my place across the table.

“No, you are the weird one Ziny!” Sarina giggles

I gasp in shock and hold my hand to my heart “You have wounded me with your mighty sword of words dear sister! Why are thou so cruel to your older kin?”

Sarina sighs and smirks “You know I don’t understand your weird words dear Ziny.” She says sarcastically.

I giggle “Well we better eat breakfast before it gets cold.” I smile and pick up the syrup and drizzle some on my pancakes. I then pass the syrup to Sarina. “After we are finished with breakfast we need to head to school.” Sarina groaned and nodded her head.

The rest of breakfast continued in a comfortable silence. Once finished I picked up the plates and entered the kitchen to wash them. Placing the plates on a drying wrack I wash the other dishes I used and put away what I left out. Stoping in the arch of the kitchen I see Sarina doodling on a piece of paper with her backpack on her back. However, I noticed she forgot to change out of her night gown.

“So, do you plan on going to school in a night gown and rag muffin hair or are you going to go and change into some proper cloths?” I smirk as I lean against the arch. Sarina’s eyes widened as she looked down at what she was wearing and scrambled away from the table and dashes towards her room.

I shake my head and chuckle. Walking into the living room I grab my backpack and swing it onto my back. Five minutes pass when Sarina bursts out of her room and runs up to me. She wears light blue jeans, a pink unicorn cat shirt, silver sparkly tennis-shoes, and her hair is tied up into two small pigtails.

“That looks much better you ready to go my rug muffin?” I say as I shift slightly.

“I am not a rug muffin!” she states as she puffs out her cheeks.

“Oh, forgive me how about monkey instead?” I cross my arms and smirk.

“I am not a monkey either! Let’s just go.” Sarina huffs.

I chuckle turn around and walk towards the door. Opening the door, I raise my hand up to my eyes to block the bright rays of sunshine. Once my eyes adjust, I walk forward. I smile as the sun’s rays heat my skin. The cabin my family and I live in is located on a large plot of 150 acres surrounded in forests. The only way to the property is an old dirt road. Next to the cabin is a shed that holds supplies for gardening and our bikes. Backing the bikes out of the shed we turn them towards the road. While I close the shed Sarina starts peddling away.

“Hey! You why are you leaving without me!” I shout as I jump on my bike and follow her. I catch up to her easily and she begins to giggle. I shake my head and chuckle as well.

[hollyhomburg]

BTS as your boyfriend

A/N: Is there supposed to be an order to reactions?  some of these features specified occupations of the reader and there are touches of smut and angst but this is mostly fluff 

W/C: 2.1k

Seokjin

Takes cooking classes with you but half of the time the two of you get distracted (you tease him by grabbing his thighs and he retaliates by gripping a handful of your ass)

“This tastes good- but not as good as you” is one of his favorite things to say and you’ll often take turns saying it, (ie you’ll say it over breakfast, and then he’ll say it a few days later at dinner.

Doesn’t let his family intimidate you by bringing you around for a surprise visit so that you can see his parents in a more natural form and not their “Miss Korea and CEO” glory. Because to Seokjin- they’re just mom and dad.

Will literally drop everything if you say that you just need to get away for a little while. The two of you will often pack a suitcase and just go to the airport for a weekend- not quite sure where you’re going to go until you get to the airport

king of pet names. 

Is literally the most caring prince whenever you get sick, rubbing down your sore muscles with his strong hands aided by vapor rub

Called up your mother to find out how she used to make soup when you were sick.

Regularly makes you apart of his Vlive’s.  

The fans request that you two do a competition of who can stay silent the longest and you make him laugh within seconds.

So Seokjin has to make you your favorite meal because you won and the entire Vlive is just you making puns out of things in the kitchen

You hold up an onion and say “onion-haseyo” to greet the fans. 

You Throw a roll at him “I’m on a roll” 

hold up a piece of meat “the tur-KEY to cooking is a good attitude!”

You distract him so much that the sauce burns.

Wakes up early to cook you breakfast foods.

Yoongi

Both of you keep really strange sleep schedules. 

Some nights you’ll call him up and you’ll go to the Local Park and play basketball together to work off some of your energy.  

And he thinks it’s hilarious and adorable how competitive you get

Hears you humming one morning while you’re getting ready and records the sound on his phone only to use it as the hook on his next song (And it ends up being kind of an anniversary present)

Sometimes when he’s away and he can’t sleep and you’re not awake because of the time difference he’ll just play it to hear a little bit of your voice.

And it will lull him easily to sleep.  

Complains about how needy you can get but at the end of the day it’s always him making grabby hands at you for cuddles or holding your hand tighter in crowds.

Puts his hand on your thigh while he’s driving. lots of back hugs. 

God forbid any man show interest in you he’ll let all his Dageu swagger show. 

lovingly calls you “punk” 

 both you and Yoongi enjoy quite a lot- you both have a tendency to get overstimulated and overwhelmed by the world.

When you’re having a bad day you’ll curl up on his couch in his studio and he’ll turn the lights down low and pull you into his lap,

And you use his soundproofed headphones to block out the noises of the world while he works on his laptop.

And Yoongi can periodically comfort you by running a hand down your calf and watch as you slowly relax, your body becoming jelly next to him.

He’ll wake you up with soft kisses on your cheeks and his low grumbly voice asking “better?”

Hoseok 

Will try to teach you how to dance no matter how many times you’ve kind of…failed at being taught? Hoseok loves to spend time with you regardless.

Loves to guide your body into movements, he’s got a thing about control

Defiantly one of the kinkier ones in bed, he has a little thing for bondage and sensory deprivation; both giving and receiving.

He is absolutely whipped for you and would do anything to please you.

He likes to buy you flowers, sunflowers most of the time. 

Spends late nights with you staying up talking about your future, he’s actually the one out of all the boys that will probably ask about marriage first. (After Namjoon and Jungkook)

Thought it will be more of a thing that the two of you discuss rather than him just springing it on you.

He’d want to make sure you were on the same page as he was; every step of the way.

The two of you talk about everything- and plan out your future meticulously even though you know things rarely ever go to plan.

You go back and forth arguing about whether you’ll want a modern vs American style house, 

about possible pets and how big of a backyard you want (though you defiantly know you want enough space for a garden.)

You argue about kids’ names and whether or not you’ll try to push music and the arts on your children.

You know it might be foolish to dream, but Hoseok tells you that it’s just as foolish not to daydream, - without a plan for your future how do you know where you’re headed?

but Somehow Hoseok thinks he’d always know the way to happiness if you whereby his side. 

Namjoon

 Loves going to cafes to read with you. Takes picnics in the park just so you can sit and draw’s each other (even though he can’t draw for shit)

He keeps one of the doodles you drew in his wallet; right next to a picture the two of you took in a photo booth. 

Takes pictures of things when he’s away and sends it too you with captions like “this reminded me of you.” sometimes it’s a cute animal and he says “this is you in pet form!” 

Likes to do little crafts with you once he realizes finds pleasure in working with his hands- it helps him learn to control (no god of destruction tendencies anymore) and calm down his over-excitable nature. 

 Helps you repaint one of the rooms in your apartment and ends up having a paint fight with you. (Gives you handprints on your ass) 

 Always leaves a romance novel with you before he goes away for a stretch of time with a little notes saying that the romantic lead will keep you company until he gets back. 

Loves to hear you singing in the mornings softly under your breath- almost like you don’t realize you’re doing it. 

Pulls some strings and gets you to meet your favorite author for your birthday.

 You spend half of your time hiding behind Namjoon too nervous to meet them, but afterword’s you end up launching into a discussion about charters with the author and completely forgetting your boyfriend next to you

 But at the end of the day, that’s why Namjoon loves you-you're so passionate.

Jimin

This boy loves matching everything! Matching pajamas, matching designer shoes, he’d even tried to convince you to dye your hair pink with him once but that was where you drew the line. 

Gets matching couples necklaces. 

He’s your best hype man, taking photos of you for your Instagram and always making you feel praised. 

Jimin loves how you’ll blush and get embarrassed- maybe a little too much, he has a little bit of a praise kink himself. 

Does this thing where he’ll put his full weight on top of you and then refuse to move, saying that you’re too comfy. 

He’ll start to fake snore, and then giggle and thrash when you start to tickle him- queue a mutual tickle fight that he always wins. 

Secretly Kind of loves the jealous looks people give the two of you- because you’re the “it” couple and you both know it. 

You guys don’t talk about your feelings much, but some night’s he’ll come in from a particularly difficult day and he won’t be able to meet your eyes when you say his name.

You’ll drag him into the bathroom. Sometimes you’ll shower together and other times you’ll just slowly clean his face of makeup and run a cold cloth over his arms. 

You’ll stand in between his legs and tell him about your day, and by the time you’ve applied his skincare regime he’s lost that far away look in his eyes. 

Then the two of you will spend a little while winding down watching a movie or something before you fall asleep against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat.

Jimin wonders what he did to get someone as caring as you in his life.

Taehyung

Asked you out during the Seoul lantern festival, you were all bundled up in his jacket and his scarf. He loves seeing you in his clothes

Wrote, “I wish you’d be my girl” on a lantern for a wish, and then slowly turned It so that you could see it while hiding his face.

When the two of you let it go he watched you with baited breath, until you nervously pulled him in for a kiss. 

 Asks you to put on fashion shows for him. but always end with him sighing and saying, “I still think you look best in your birthday suit“ and you’ll slap his arm but let him pull you in close for a steamy kiss. 

Make out sessions everywhere- backstage, in the studio, in the hallway closet. 

Will buy expensive lingerie for you literally just to make it dirty

Supports you in designing your own clothes and making alterations to make it fit you and your style.

You’re kind of known as the hot topic fashion designer with the idol boyfriend.

Wears one of your pieces to an event and when asked who he’s wearing he proudly proclaims “my girlfriend!”

Can be the tiniest bit possessive of you- and if you ever get angry at him he’ll just put his hands on your waist and say

“Do you think the Louvre would ever let a Picasso go? The world treasures and protects masterpieces babe which is why I feel the need to treasure you.”

Absolutely loves it when you run your fingers through his hair, you’ll go to his performances and he’ll get all sweaty and between sets

And all you have to do is run your fingers through his hair and he’ll get this pulse of sexual energy

Fansites will be talking about it for weeks. And meanwhile, you’ll know that every smirk was just for you.  

Jungkook

buys you a lot of makeup (practically all of Sephora) and all the fragrance collections- though he does have his favorites.

He often pulls you close and smells your neck and asks, “Which one is this? You smell like candy!” 

But loves how you smell after sex- how you smell like him- the best.  

Really supportive of your choices and your hobby of making makeup tutorials on youtube. And you end up becoming a Makeup Mua (one of the most popular ones in the world) 

Even does a video with you where he lets you do his makeup? And it ends up being one of your more popular videos. 

And then he does a video where he tries to do your makeup and he does a terrible job but you just end up laughing. 

He see’s a tutorial “how to make your girlfriend a makeup bench” on youtube and tries to make it for you, almost staples his hands and ends up getting sawdust everywhere.

And ends up asking for your help picking glass out of his hand- he broke a light bulb. 

And you’re torn between being serious about the glass or laughing over his pout- because he really wanted it to be a surprise but he’s in so over his head as he has zero experience in carpentry 

You think it’s so sweet that he would try to make it himself instead of just buying it for you. 

Harmonizes with you when you sing in the shower- no matter what song it is- even if it’s let it go from frozen he’ll put Elsa to shame. 

Sings you to sleep at night when you can’t sleep. 

He’s also one of those boyfriends that’s just a stereotypical gentleman

Always holding open doors for you, hand on the small of your back, offers to carry everything for you

It’s not a misogynistic thing he just does it because he just wants to treat you how you deserve. 

Proposes to you on your first anniversary, “I might not be good at making things, but I know something that was made for me when I hold it. I was made for you and you were made for me- I’m sure of it, there is not a woman in the world who could make me happier.”

[angelpunswriting]

Show Me (unfinished NaNoWrimo story)

(beware, this is super long, read at your own risk)

Landon sighed, gripping the handle of his suit case tightly. He didn’t want to be here. As nice as this family was for taking him in, he was sure they didn’t want him here either. He continued to stare up at the ranch-style house for a few more moments, admiring the chipped white paint and broken shutters. It wasn’t exactly the nicest house, but the rustic vibe was rather charming. Taking a deep breath, the raven finally made his way up the creaking, wooden porch steps and into the house. Before he even opened the door, Landon could hear a woman singing along to a radio inside, her voice loud and rising even above the laughter and shouts of children throughout the house. He reached up and fixed his hearing aid, knowing it’d be too loud the moment he went in. As he stepped inside, the smell of something cooking filled his nose. It was pleasant, but he couldn’t exactly place what kind of food it was.

The door squeaked as he opened it, and the singing stopped, a rather plump woman looking up from her work at the stove. He didn’t realize the kitchen was so close.

She grinned at the sight of him, showing off the gap between her teeth.

  “ oh, you must be Landon! “ She wiped her hands on her apron and sauntered over, pulling him into a tight hug. The male stiffened at the touch, but didn’t push her away.

He wasn’t sure he had the strength to, anyway.

Even if she only came up to his chest, she had a steel grip on him. Despite being short, the woman was quite stocky, her skin dark and her chestnut hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head.

It tickled his chin a bit when she hugged him, and Landon could only wonder if she put it up that way to make her appear taller.

“ sorry I couldn’t pick you up at the airport, I’ve been up to my ears in kids and housework for the last two weeks!” She laughed, her booming voice making his chest vibrate.

She finally pulled away, though her hands remained on his shoulders and she gave him a once over.

“ Look at you, doll, you’re so big now, “ she smiled warmly, squeezing his shoulders gently, “ last time I saw you, you were just a baby..”

There was a brief moment where she looked as if she were recalling a good memory, but the woman shook her head and let go of him, grabbing his suitcase. He almost protested, but she had already started down the hall, telling him to follow her.

“ let me show you your room, then you can freshen up before dinner,”  she headed up the staircase at the end of the hall, kicking at toys and shoes that sat in her way.

Landon followed close behind, simply avoiding the stray items altogether. He guessed that this woman was Mrs. Harper, his dad’s old buddy. He hadn’t expected her to have so many kids, or to be so kind. His dad was always telling stories about his old friends, and he’d been told some crazy ones about Mrs. Harper. Now that he’d actually met her, he wasn’t sure which reality to believe.

“ Maybe after dinner you can get Jesse to show you ‘round the farm, “ she began, pulling Landon from his thoughts, “ he’s about your age, maybe a couple of months older”

She continued to talk about the rest of her children, though Landon only really caught bits and pieces, as she was so quick on her feet that she was a bit too far away for him to hear. They finally stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall, Mrs. Harper pulling out a key and unlocking it  for him.

She handed Landon the key, before making her way inside and setting his suitcase by the bed.

Landon followed her into the room, glancing around as she continued to speak.

“ make yourself at home, honey. Dinner’s at six or so, “ she began out the door, giving him a little wave before closing it behind her. He watched her go, making certain she was gone before taking in the room.

It was cleaner than the rest of the house. At least, cleaner than the parts of the house he’d seen already.

The bed was pushed against the wall under the window, and had been fitted with clean, white sheets and a nice quilt. The only other pieces of furniture in the room were a desk and a dresser, both of which were bare, except for a small lamp they’d placed on the desk.

It wasn’t particularly small, but he could tell it only seemed bigger because of the lack of furniture and how clean it was. Landon didn’t mind, of course, he was just thankful that he didn’t have to share a room with anyone. As many children as there were in this house, he wouldn’t be surprised if more than two slept in a room together. Landon picked his suitcase up and set it on the bed, unzipping it and starting to unpack.

When his dad had told him that he’d be living with a couple of his friends, he hadn’t expected them to be this inviting. He’d been even more surprised to find out that they lived on a small farm. They lived so far out from the city, he wondered if they had really been friends with his dad. After all, all the other people he’d met that were involved with his dad were gang members, drug addicts, and prostitutes. The fact that the Harper family was so normal was surreal.

The raven got over his initial shock pretty easily and began putting his clothes away. He’d only really brought enough for two weeks and two or three pairs of pajamas, all of which he put into the bare dresser. The only other thing he’d brought aside from clothes and his toiletries was his spiral notebook. It already had several pages that were filled with stories and doodles, some of which his dad had helped him out with.

Some pages had little conversations between him and others, when he couldn’t speak loud enough or didn’t understand. The latest was between him and a police officer, only minutes after his father’s arrest.

He’d been crying so much he couldn’t understand what the officer was saying. Even if he had, he might have turned his hearing aid off completely so he wouldn’t have to hear it.

Sometimes Landon wished he was deaf in both ears so he wouldn’t have to listen to some of the bullshit he’d heard in his lifetime.

Landon was a lot like his dad.

They both liked to write stories, but his father had stopped after they’d left his mother back in Washington, turning instead to his cultivate his new business. If that’s what he wanted to call it, anyway.

That damn business was the reason he couldn’t have new clothes, or a new hearing aid. They needed as much money as possible for his dad’s ‘very important job’, as he called it.

His dad had been found two weeks ago with illegal drugs that he’d been planning to sell, though he was clean. He’d never liked using the merchandise for himself, after all.

Landon didn’t know how long he’d be locked up, but he hoped it wasn’t long. He just wanted to go home at this point, it was too quiet out here in the country.

The raven-haired male was suddenly pulled from his thoughts by a loud knock, and he was quick to get up and answer, knowing that whoever it was had probably been knocking for a while.

A boy stood on the other side, obviously annoyed and looking to be about his age despite being quite a bit shorter. He looked a lot like Mrs. Harper, though his skin was a bit lighter and his eyes were a lighter brown. His hair, however, was very similar. It was just as unruly as his mother’s, the brown curls falling a little over his ears and eyes. He had very faint freckles as well, barely noticeable in the dim light.

“ you Landon?” The boy asked, his soft southern drawl coming out as he continued, “ dinner’s ready, mom said to come get ya”

Landon nodded, though he really wasn’t fully sure what the other said. He grabbed his notebook and a pen, just in case. He guessed that this was Jesse, judging by his looks.

The dining room and kitchen were connected, but the Harper family had managed to cram two tables into the room, as well as twelve chairs, including one for Landon. He was surprised that there was any spare room at all, really. Everyone was already sitting down, passing the food around and filling their plates. Landon took a seat and filled his plates with what was left over, he wasn’t all that picky. He was stopped, however, by Mrs. Harper suddenly shouting for everyone to settle down. They did immediately, even the youngest of the children going silent.

 “ now, who would like to say Grace?” she asked, glancing around the table. Her gaze stopped on Jesse, who had taken the seat next to Landon. He was quick to refuse, and one of the other children called out before Mrs. Harper could chastise him, “ Landon should! He’s the guest!”

The raven heard his name, but he hadn’t been paying attention at all.  However, Mrs. Harper just scoffed, “ well, Georgia, since you decided to volunteer Landon, you can do it.”

He was relieved, knowing he wouldn’t be able to even if he wanted to.

The girl pouted a bit, but finally clasped her hands together and told everyone to bow their heads. Landon had never been religious, but he did as he was told. Once Georgia said ‘amen’, the room was loud once again, everyone talking and laughing and fighting over food. Landon began to eat slowly, not wanting to make too much of a mess. The atmosphere was pleasant, despite how loud it was, and he figured he’d eventually warm up to living with these people.

Jesse nudged him, startling the male so much he almost dropped his fork.

“ so, you’re Uncle’s kid?” he asked , studying Landon’s face, “ ya don’t look nothin’ alike. Don’t act nothin’ alike, either”

Landon must have looked confused, because the brunet beside him suddenly set his fork down and began to explain.

The raven attempted to listen, but it was hard with the buzz of his family’s other conversations in the background. So he just smiled and nodded, attempting to read the other’s lips to compensate for the pieces of the conversation he was missing entirely.

“ ya see, mom used to be doin’ drugs and all that, and she was always hangin’ with this guy Jimmy, they had a business sellin’ them too. When she got pregnant with my brother Mason, he told her he’d help her out ‘n’ take over the business and stuff. Said he’d help her quit doin’ drugs, too” He informed, using his hand to gesture as he spoke. He stopped a moment and waited for Landon’s reaction, as if waiting for the other to confirm what he’d said.

The raven-haired male nodded faintly, as if telling him to go on.

So far he’d gotten that Mrs. Harper and his dad used to do business together, but that didn’t explain why she was so different now.

Jesse sighed, taking a moment to squash up his steamed carrots with his fork and take a bite. He seemed to be finished with his story, since he continued to eat in silence.

However, when Landon glanced away to eat his own dinner, the male seemingly began speaking again. The only reason he knew was because the other suddenly tapped on his shoulder, making the raven jump.

He glanced at Jesse, afraid he did something wrong.

“Hey, are you deaf or somethin’? I asked you a question” The brunet spoke a little louder than he had been before, making it easier for Landon to hear what he’d said.

However, it seemed that everyone else at the table had heard it loud and clear as well.

Landon nodded slowly, opening his mouth to speak. However, before he could utter a word, Mrs. Harper suddenly stood up from the table, her chair squeaking against the wooden floor.

She looked absolutely furious.

Landon shrunk under her gaze, averting his eyes as she stood up and stormed over to where he and Jesse sat. She looked like a bull about to charge and Landon wouldn’t be surprised if he saw steam emitting from her ears and nose.

Jesse dropped his fork, already apologizing repeatedly, both to Landon and his mother. Landon watched, wondering silently if she was going to ground him or something. He didn’t really think it necessary, he was used to this kind of reaction, after all. It had made things feel a little more normal, after all.

However, all she did was demand him to come with her, and he better not say a word!  Jesse did as he was told, looking ashamed and scared. They headed into the hallway, and Landon couldn’t help but watch the door with a soft frown. He finally turned back to his food, as everyone else already had, and continued to eat.

He was eventually tapped on the shoulder, gentler this time. He turned, glad to see that jesse was back despite what the other said. He knew Jesse couldn’t have known, and besides, the raven had been through stuff much worse because of his disability. This was nothing compared to his days in elementary school.

Jesse held out his hand for the other to shake, looking faintly annoyed that he had to do this. Landon shook, the other nodding in some sort of half-assed apology.

Jesse stared at him for a moment, opening his mouth to question him before closing it again when his mother shot him a look. He began to eat as well, glancing at Landon every now and then, as if scared that he’d be angry about the whole outburst thing.

Landon eventually nudged him and told him that it was fine, that he was only deaf in his right ear and partially in his left.

“ it’s no big deal, really” the male had smiled, knowing full well that he was a lot louder than he intended to be. He’d never been all that great and knowing when his voice was too loud or too soft.

Jesse didn’t even say anything, simply nodding and thanking him with a faint smile.

Landon finished his dinner easily, assuring Mrs. Harper - Bea, as she’d told him to call her -  that he was full. All the kids were told to help clean up the mess from dinner, but Jesse suddenly grabbed Landon’s hand and practically dragged him out the front door, shouting that he was going to show him around. He let go of the the raven’s hand once they were out the door, before sauntering across the lawn and plopping down into a hammock.

Landon watched, figuring Jesse was just trying to get out of working at this point.

“ ‘s too dark to for a tour, I just don’t wanna mop” The brunet exclaimed, laughing a bit. He rocked the hammock with his foot, glancing at Landon as he made his way over.

“ I’ll give you a proper tour tomorrow, we can go into town ‘n’  all that”

Landon just nodded,  a little relieved that he could hear the other a bit better now. He had turned his hearing aid up a bit after the incident earlier, not wanting to get Jesse in trouble again. He’d much rather spend the day in his room. Hell, if he could have he would spend his dad’s entire sentence up there. Then again, Mrs. Harper didn’t seem like the kind of woman to tolerate that kind of thing.

“ so, you’re from the city, right? We went to New York once, is it anything like that?” Jesse asked, turning his gaze back to the night sky.

That made Landon laugh a bit, shaking his head as he did, “ it’s small!” he exclaimed, “ so much smaller”

Jesse looked quite surprise to hear Landon yelling and laughing like that, but soon enough he was laughing as well. Landon rather liked his laugh, it was soft and kind of stifled, but it was still pleasant.

The two stayed out there for a while, until Jesse was positive that they’d finished cleaning the kitchen. He said something about the lights turning off when they were finished, and it wasn’t until they saw the kitchen light shut off that they actually went inside.

“ I doubt you’ll be able to get a shower after dinner most days. Your best bet is to take one after lunch or in the mornin’ “ The brunet explained, leading the way back into the house.

Landon was a little surprised to see the kitchen look so clean, glad that Jesse had been right. The rest of the family had finished cleaning without them, and were supposedly getting ready for bed.

Jesse walked Landon to the end of the hall, before leaving him at the staircase, “ well, I’ll see ya in the morning. Meet me on the front porch at six, and we’ll go to town after I finish my chores” .

With that, Jesse turned and headed back down the hall and into what Landon guessed was his room, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Landon headed upstairs to his own room, gently shutting the door behind him and locking it.

 He sighed, plopping back onto the bed and closing his eyes. He was exhausted.

Between a five hour flight, another hour of driving and a hectic dinner, he hadn’t had a moment to actually relax.

Of course, he had so many unanswered questions.

Would he have to do chores? What if they kicked him out? What if Mrs. Harper suddenly decided she didn’t like him?

His inner questioning was interrupted by a pounding at the door, and he hurried to get up and answer it.

It was Mrs. Harper.

“ I didn’t see you after dinner, was Jesse tryin’ to get outta cleanin’?” she asked, coming into the room with a warm smile.

He stood and nodded a bit, smiling a bit at the sight of her. He rather liked Mrs. Harper, as she had a loud enough voice for him to hear properly, and from the moment he got she’d treated him like her own son. It was nice, even if he did plan on leaving as soon as possible.

She laughed at his nodding, knowing exactly how Jesse acted, “ s’pose it was too dark then. You can get ‘im to take you tomorrow, I’ll make sure he takes ya into town, too”

“ uh..” he was about to speak, but ended up grabbing his notebook and just writing it out. He didn’t want to speak too loudly, knowing he’d wake someone up.

All it said was ‘thanks for letting me stay here. Goodnight Mrs. Harper’

She read it with a smile, starting to close the door, “ Sweet dreams, Landon”

The door closed slow and gentle, the room becoming dim once again. The sun had gone down at this point, and the only light came from the lamp on his desk.

THe raven got ready for bed, curling up in the rickety bed and attempting to get comfortable.

He didn’t turn out the light, the soft orange glow comforting him more  than he’d like to admit. The male fell asleep soon after, too exhausted to bother with what side he slept on. It didn’t matter here, he wouldn’t be screamed at to wake up and hide in the middle of the night, and he wouldn’t be shaken awake to help count money.

It didn’t matter here, in the near silent countryside.

The next morning, he was dressed and sitting on the porch by six o’ clock sharp. He hadn’t bothered with breakfast, figuring everyone was too busy to eat anyway. After all, Jesse had described their life as hectic and crazy busy, especially in the morning.

Landon waited for a while before Jesse actually showed up, sweaty and slightly out of breath. He apologized, breathlessly telling him about having to chase goats.

The raven didn’t bother telling him that he couldn’t hear a single word the other had said.

Jesse managed to catch his breath, before standing up straight and instructing Landon to follow him. They headed down the small slope the house was on, and into the driveway, where an old white truck was parked. It was pretty rough looking, dents were all over and it was halfway rusted.

Landon gave Jesse a look that said ‘really?’,  bit the other didn’t even seem to notice. He’d already gotten into the driver’s seat, and was currently attempting to start the old vehicle.

Landon got in as well, though he was pretty hesitant. The truck finally sputtered to life, though it sounded like it could stop at any moment.

The raven went to buckle his seatbelt, but there were none. He glanced at Jesse, who assured him he’d drive slow. It seemed like he got a lot of looks like that when someone got into the vehicle.

Jesse pulled out of the driveway, turning up the radio and singing along as they went. For such a raggedy truck, it rode pretty smoothly. As smoothly as possible on a dirt road.

The drive into town was mere minutes long, and soon Landon could see the tiny town he’d passed through on the way to the Harpers’ home.

There was only a few stores, one being a terribly-run down Walmart, a post office, a couple of restaurants and a courthouse. The nearest hospital was about thirty minutes away, in the next town over.

Jesse drove slowly, as he’d promised, pointing out certain restaurants and monuments and explaining them.

“ we sell our goat cheese and crops in that lot over there, but people come to our house and pick them up too” he told Landon, nodding to an empty lot with a couple of tables and chairs.

Landon really didn’t pay attention to a lot of the things he said, mind drifting easily since the other was speaking so quietly.

He silently wondered how his dad was holding up and when they’d be able to see eachother again. Would Mrs. Harper really be willing to take him all the way back to Louisville to visit his dad? She didn’t seem like she had a lot of time to spare just to take him places.

The raven-haired male didn’t like the idea of being apart for so long. It would be the first time in years that they wouldn’t spend his birthday together. Or Christmas. Or any other holidays. What if he graduated before his dad was released?

He didn’t have the money for college, and he couldn’t just live with the Harpers forever. They had their own family to worry about.

Suddenly, there was a hard tap on the male’s arm, making him jump.

Landon whipped his head around to look at Jesse, who had parked and was already halfway out of the truck.

The brunet waited for him to get out, before shutting his own door and starting across the street.

They’d parked on the curb, in an area of the town that Landon apparently hadn’t seen. It was shabbier than the rest of the town, but there was still one store open.

A bakery.

Landon hurried to get out of the truck, jogging across the street to join Jesse, who was waiting for him just outside the door. The raven felt bad about having not heard him, but what could he say, it was on his bad side.

“Hope you’re hungry. I’m payin’ so just pick whatever you want” The curly-haired male smiled, before starting into the bakery. Landon nodded, a little relieved that Jesse wasn’t completely angry with him.

Landon headed inside as well, a bell above the door signaling his arrival. A woman behind the register looked up, watching Landon curiously.

“ well well well, who’s this?” she asked, her gaze making Landon’s cheeks heat up, “ you’re pretty cute. What’s your name?”

Jesse answered for him, “ that’s Landon. His dad’s a family friend and we’re lettin’ him stay with us for a while. He’s too young for ya anyway”

Landon glanced at Jesse, thankful he had answered for him. He had never been good at conversing, especially since he could only hear fragments of their conversation. He strained to listen, letting Jesse do all the talking for him.

“ what? c’mon , Jess, you’re supposed to bring me boys I can actually date” The girl scoffed, giving Jesse a pouting look.

Jesse didn’t even look, too busy studying the menu.

“ you don’t have those chocolate things anymore? The ones filled with cream cheese?” he asked, finally turning to look at her.

The girl just sighed, giving up on her previous conversation too easily, “ nah, Dad said no one buys’em but you. besides, we’re gettin’ something new later this week.”

Jesse scoffed at that, “ what? C’mon, I can’t be the only one! Doesn’t Jack like them too?”

She shrugged, “ I just follow my Dad’s orders, okay? I don’t keep track of who eats what around here”

Jesse finally just seemed to give up, asking her for two chocolate donuts instead. He handed one to Landon and paid, before heading out the door without so much as a goodbye.

“ Jack’s at the riverside, if you were wondering” The girl called, “ you should introduce him and Landon!”

Landon glanced back at her, then to Jesse, only to see the brunet’s cheeks become a bit flushed. He nudged the other, nodding back to the cashier, “ what was that all about?” he questioned, knowing he’d been loud by the way Jesse’s face became an even darker shade of red.

“ Oh, that’s Maria. Her family owns the bakery, and her little brother Jack is a friend of mine” The male explained, looking both ways before he crossed the street, despite the fact that it was practically empty. Landon followed, nibbling gingerly at his donut as he did.

“ guess I gotta introduce ya now, since she’ll probably tell him everything anyway” The male muttered, biting into his donut and holding it in his mouth while he started the truck, needing both hands to do so.

Landon hesitated, before asking in a loud voice what he’d said. He ended up having to repeat himself three times before Landon finally got it.

Landon ate his donut slowly, taking small bites and savoring it. He hadn’t eaten breakfast, so of course he was starving. Jesse’s was gone before the bakery was even out of sight, and Landon really wasn’t surprised. They were pretty good, probably even better than Dunikn’ Donuts’.

Landon couldn’t help but smile to himself when he thought of that, knowing his Dad would be quick to argue against such a claim.

He was suddenly pulled from his thoughts by the truck stopping abruptly and Jesse cursing loudly.

“ Fuck! Jesus, don’t people know how to drive these days!?” The male cursed, running a hand through his hair and obviously trying not to completely freak out.

Landon glanced up, surprised to see that a car had apparently stopped right in front of them.

“ It’s a good thing I was payin’ attention, else we’d be sued or somethin’ “ Jesse muttered, putting the truck in reverse and back up a bit before just turning the vehicle off.

“ C’mon, let’s go meet Jack, he’s probably fishin’ “ He invited, getting out and slamming the door, obviously still a bit peeved about the car situation. Landon did as he was told, joining the male on the sidewalk that led down to the riverside.

The riverside here wasn’t as cleaned up and nice like Louisville’s, there was trash lying everywhere, all along the flood walls and in the grass. There were steps that led down to the water, but the railing was falling apart and the concrete was covered in graffiti. Landon tried to imagine this place being cleaned up, but it didn’t seem like something this town would really care about. After all, they weren’t exactly a tourist hotspot.

Jesse led the way down to the dock, waving to a figure seated at the edge of it. Landon guessed this was Jack, since the figure soon stood and set down his pole, waving with both hands in a goofy manner.

Jesse chuckled, the laugh soon softening into a warm smile.

They soon left the concrete and were on the wooden dock, the old, rotting planks creaking beneath their feet. It made Landon a bit uneasy, but he figured since Jack and Jesse were confident that it’d hold, he’d be alright.

“ Hey man, catch anything good?” Jesse greeted, holding out his hand for the other to shake. Jack did just that, though when their hands touched he pulled Jesse closer, into some kind of half hug.

Landon listened as Jack pulled away from their hug and began to go on excitedly about what kinds of fish were out today and how these were ‘the perfect conditions’ to catch something they called a Bowfin. The redhead before him could have been speaking a foreign language for all Landon knew, talking about amia calva and Etheostoma zonale. The only reason Landon was sure the other was actually speaking english was his accent, the soft southern drawl similar to Maria’s and Jesse’s. He supposed everyone around here had that sort of lilt to their voice, everyone but him, of course.

He guessed it had something to do with fishing, but he couldn’t be sure. Jesse, on the other hand, seemed to be absolutely enthralled by Jack’s words, nodding along and listening to everything he said as if he could understand perfectly.

Neither of them paid any mind to Landon as he sat on the edge of the dock, letting his feet hang over the edge. Water didn’t bother him all that much, he could swim at the least.

The brunet couldn’t help but think Jack was handsome.

He had full cheeks and large, awestruck eyes, his long eyelashes only contributing to that innocent, soft look he had. His nose was rather thin, the tip sloping down just a bit. His lips were thin, but it may have just been the fact that he had been smiling the entire three minutes Landon  had looked at him. His hair was shorter than both Landon’s and Jesse’s his red locks cropped short around his forehead and ears especially. It made his ears look a bit bigger, but that only made him look more pixie-like.

Landon admired him from his place on the dock, surprised when said male suddenly glanced at him, grinning still.

“sorry, I didn't catch your name. I'm Jack Faustas, nice to meet you” he greeted, speaking to Landon with just as much energy as he had been with Jesse. Thank goodness, he was just as loud as Mrs. Harper.

He stuck his hand out to shake, and Landon did just that, nodding faintly and glancing at Jesse.

The brunet didn't even notice at first, seemingly too busy gazing over Jack’s head at the water. Though at this point, Landon wouldn't be surprised if he was staring at Jack like that.

“Jesse, c’mon, introduce me to your friend here. I haven't seen him around” he mused, letting go of Landon’s hand to turn and speak to Jesse again. The male blinked in surprise, glancing at Landon and then back at Jack.

“Oh, right. That’s Landon, he’s pretty hard of hearin’, so don’t speak too quietly or he’ll keep o askin’ what you said. He’s stayin’ with us for a while” the male answered hastily, obviously more interested in their conversation from before than introducing Landon. He did chuckle a bit when he mentioned having to repeat himself, but Landon definitely wasn’t smiling. He frowned, but didn’t turn away, waiting for Jack’s reaction.

Jack glanced at him, “so you’re kinda deaf? Don’t worry, I’ll repeat it as many times as ya need, my grandma is gettin’ to be that way!”

“ Don’t worry,” Landon insisted, smiling faintly, “you’ve got a nice, loud voice”

“Gee, thanks!” Jack laughed, making Landon laugh a little as well, “ I’m usually told to shut the hell up!”

“ so, where you from? ” Jack questioned, sitting down cross-legged next to Landon. Jesse did the same, though he seemed a little annoyed that the conversation had shifted more towards Landon.

“ Louisville” Landon replied, playing with the sleeve of his shirt, “I lived with my dad”

“ wow, why’d you move here? You’re livin’ with Jesse or somethin’, right?” The redhead asked, glancing back at his friend to confirm it. Said male didn’t speak, simply nodding and focusing more on playing with the fishing lure he’d picked up moments before.

Landon frowned at that, shaking his head. He didn’t wanna talk about it.

Jack didn’t seem to mind, still smiling, “ you don’t gotta tell me, just curious.” He turned back to Jesse, asking him if he had his phone and if he could see it.

“ yeah, sure ” Jesse didn’t even hesitate, pulling his phone from his pocket and handing it to his friend, “ you gotta call your dad or somethin’?” he asked, glancing at Jack.

“ no, just didn’t want it to get messed up ” the redhead mused, setting the phone in Landon’s lap and suddenly pushing Jesse into the water, before jumping in after him.

Landon watched, gasping loudly. At first, he thought they weren’t coming back up, but then a couple of bubbles rose to the surface and the both of them emerged, Jack laughing as Jesse suddenly began to chase him around the river’s mucky water.

The brunet on the dock grinned, laughing as he watched Jesse chase the other in mock anger, the two of them getting water all over Landon as well.

They swam for a bit longer, before the both of them finally decided it was time they get out of their wet clothes.

“ Hell, maybe we could even get our suits and go swimmin’!” Jesse decided, grabbing Jack’s hand and starting to pull him up the dock, “ how ‘bout it? I brought my truck!”

Landon got up and followed, though he didn’t exactly plan on going swimming. He couldn’t, anyway, he didn’t know how.

Jack stopped, glancing back at Landon. He turned back to Jesse and said something Landon didn’t quite catch.

Jesse looked upset for a moment, but it was replaced with a smile. They stopped, and landon caught up, just knowing they were talking about it him. Jack probably didn’t want to hang out with someone he’d just met. He knew Jesse didn’t want to, he was obviously possessive of his friend.

However, Jesse just smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him a bit, “Landon, you brought a swimsuit, didn’t you?we were thinkin’ of going swimming, if you’re up for it, we could even jump off of Devil’s cliff”

He shook his head a bit, “ no...I-I’d rather just watch, I didn’t even bring a swimsuit”

Jesse sighed, shrugging and moving away, “that’s cool, it’s gonna get pretty hot though. You could always stay home if you wanna”

Jack had stopped as well, giving Jesse a look like ‘stop saying shit like that’.

The brunet immediately took his first statement back, telling Landon he could still come, whether he swam or not.

“No, that’s alright,” Landon assured, playing mindlessly with his hands, “ I’ve got summer homework to catch up on anyway, it’s fine”

The three walked back to Jesse’s truck, and Landon ended up sitting in the middle since he was the thinnest. Jesse and Jack talked over his head as they drove, laughing and carrying on about one thing or another. Landon couldn’t help but feel a bit isolated. He couldn’t even hear what Jack was saying, and he was sure Jesse wasn’t going to bother telling him anytime soon.

The drive back to the Harper’s home felt so incredibly slow that he thought he’d get car sick, the usual anxieties bubbling up inside of him.

They all got out when the truck finally rolled into the Harper’s driveway, Jesse leading the way into the house. He led Jack to his room, but Landon went upstairs to his own room, closing the door and immediately collapsing onto the bed. He couldn’t believe himself, telling them he had homework! Of course he didn’t, it was the middle of July. Even if he did, he probably wasn’t going to get to go back to Louisville anytime soon.

He eventually rolled over onto his left side, letting the silence take hold of him. He needed it right now, his mind too cloudy for him to really relax.

It took Landon nearly an hour to fall asleep and even then it wasn’t very relaxing.

But he needed this.

He needed to dream that he was home again.

Chapter 2(?)

Landon was later woken by one of the younger Harper kids, who he later learned was a boy named Max. It took him a couple of weeks, but he soon memorized everyone’s name and face.

He spent  lot of time in his room, but sometimes he could be caught following Jack and Jesse around town, or reading one of his stories to the kids of the household.

He was doing just that one evening, the lot of them sitting round him in a circle as he read aloud from his journal. He’d already told them this one before, but planned on changing the ending.

“ And then the king, he jumped off of his white stallion and said to the wizard, ‘begone, you old quack!’ and then the wizard turned him right into a frog!” The raven exclaimed, grinning as the children around him laughed. He’d somehow managed to settle into a life here, with everyone accepting him and how loud he was easily.

Mrs. Harper told him all the time  that he shouldn’t worry about it, after all, they were the ‘ loudest household this side of the ohio river ’. That always made him laugh.

“How come you never talk this much ‘round me ’n’ Jesse ?” Jack asked, coming up next to Landon with a grin. He didn’t know when the redhead had gotten her, but he hoped that he hadn’t heard too much of the story. After all, he never really spoke around Jack or Jesse. He’d sort of..learned his place as the third wheel.

After that first day out with Jesse, Landon began to easily notice how Jesse spoke to Jack or about him. How he looked at the taller male with this amazing expression. Like Jack could never do him wrong.

Landon was afraid to say it was love, but there really was no other explanation. Of course, he wouldn’t dare ask Jesse, knowing the other might punch him or something. He’d seen the farm boy beat a guy up just for making fun of him, who knows what he’d do if Landon questioned him.

The raven shrugged faintly, now at a loss for words that Jack was here.

His cheeks were faintly flushed by now, since Jack was so close.

Oh, that was right.

Landon only figured Jesse was in love with Jack because Landon might’ve been himself.

He’d never really shown an interest in anyone, much less another boy, but he knew the signs of a crush. Quick heartbeat. Sweaty palms. The way he’d feel when Jack looked at him. God, he’d fallen hard.

At first he’d thought it was some sort of anxiety thing again, but when he reviewed his last few weeks here at the Harper’s, he could really tell.

“Guess I thought you and Jesse wouldn’t like them…” he finally murmured, glancing away. He couldn’t look, knowing that even his ears were red at this point, “ uh...y-you can read it if you want”

Jack just stared, eyeing the book for a minute before even acknowledging the question.

For a moment he thought Jack hadn’t heard him, he’d been practicing keeping his voice quiet, but was that too low? Should he ask again?

“ sorry, Landon, but I’ve gotta get home. Dad’ll kill me if I miss my shift again” he seemed to get up in a hurry,a nervous smile on his face, “ but-uh- I think Jesse’ll really like it! He’s in his room, you should ask. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

He was soon on his way out the door, leaving Landon sitting cross-legged in the living room, alone. The kids had fled after Jack had sat down, already fighting over one thing or another.

He sighed, shutting his journal and getting up before heading down the hall and to Jesse’s room. He’d really never been in there, nor did he ever really speak to Jesse unless he was asked a question. He’d thought they’d be at least...sort-of friends when they first met, but Landon had tried a lot of things to get Jesse to actually want to talk to him and nothing had really worked.

Maybe jack’s suggestion would actually go well, but he doubted it.

He hesitated, but finally knocked sharply on Jesse’s bedroom door, waiting patienly for the knob to turn or even just jiggle a bit.

He ended up knocking three times before the other finally answered, in his pajamas and sock feet.

“ what? I’m real busy sleepin’ you know…” he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Landon. The raven smiled nervously and tried to avoid his eyes. Yeah, this was pretty normal between them. Even when Mrs. Harper asked how he and Jesse were getting along, he told her it was just fine. And it sort of was. As long as Landon didn’t continue to bother the other, this could be fine.

“ Uh...Jack said you might wanna read my story... he said you like that sort of thing..” he greeted, holding up his notebook.

Jesse seemed to hesitate at first, but moved to open the door fully, “come in…”

He obviously didn’t really want Landon in his room, but said male guessed his mother had gotten onto him or something. Then again, she thought the two of them were a lot closer than they actually were.

“Lemme see. You can sit on the bed if you wanna” He took the notebook a little too forcefully, but Landon didn’t stop him, only telling him what page the latest story started on. He took a seat on the bed and glanced around, surprised the other had let him in at all.

It was a bit smaller than Landon’s room, but it also had more furniture. Jesse had a crappy tv sitting on a small dresser on one side of the room, his bed against the other. Navy blue curtains were drawn to cover the window, though Landon was beginning to wonder if there was a window in the first place, considering how dark it was. It smelled pretty bad too, the tiny trash can by Jesse’s window filled to the brim with food and trash of all sorts. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was a mouse or a cockroach lurking around somewhere.

The bed was an absolute mess. It didn’t have sheets or even a blanket, just a couple of pillows and a pair of jeans that looked like they’d been through hell and back.

Jesse also had something Landon didn’t; an actual closet. Of course, the door was open and the contents were spilling everywhere but at least he had one. Jesse himself was sitting on a beanbag chair by the tv, reading through Landon’s notebook without so much as a smile on his face.

He finished far before Landon would have thought he would, and tossed the notebook across the room back to the other, frowning faintly.

It was silent for a moment before Landon finally spoke, “ well?”

“ well, what?” Jesse scoffed, “ it wasn’t nothin’ special. Don’t know why Jack liked it so much, it’s not really his style”

“What’s his style, then?” the raven asked, watching Jesse curiously, “ since you know him so well and all that”

Jesse became pink at that, “well he likes...sports’ n ‘  stuff...like soccer..of course i know what he likes...we’re best friends..”

He just looked sad after that and Landon was worried he might actually cry or something. The raven frowned faintly, “ what’s wrong?”

Jesse didn’t answer for the longest time, just kind of mindlessly playing with his hands and thinking.

“ is it cause you like him?” Landon asked, knowing he overstepped his bounds. But he couldn’t just let this kind of thing go, “ did you tell him?

“ of course I didn’t tell him!” Jesse exclaimed, turning back to Landon angrily, “ we had a fight, dumbass! A-and I don’t like him, okay? Who the hell even told you that?”

Landon just shrugged, not really phased by Jesse’s shouting like he used to be“ I sort of figured it out for myself. You’re always looking at him and listening to whatever he says. It’s pretty obvious”

“ Just shut the hell up, lefty. Get outta my room!” He turned away from the door, not even watching as Landon got up and left, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t even care if it pissed Jesse off, he was pretty pissed himself. After all, he had finally gotten away from being called ‘ lefty ‘ and now it was back? Jesse could be such an ass, he really couldn’t believe that guy had said such a thing.

The raven walked out after that, knowing he didn’t need to get all worked up over something little like this. He had more important things to worry about.

He headed out the door and into the front yard, taking refuge in the hammock Jesse’s older brother Mason had set up earlier that summer. He curled up inside of it like some kind of cocoon, already scribbling angrily i  his journal. It wasn’t even words, just ugly, ugly scribbles.

Landon had become so comfortable here. He had his own chores. He felt like he was a part of the family. He didn’t have to be shy anymore. The raven didn’t like this, of course, since he also got mad at people more often when he was comfortable with them. Hell, he and one of the younger kids had even had an argument already. Mrs. Harper took his side, if only because he was the guest. It really isn’t all that great to get comfortable in a home you’re not meant to be in the first place.

The scribbling and fuming continued for a little over ten minutes before Landon finally cooled down a bit. He eventually set the notebook down on the ground beside him and just relaxed, letting the gentle breeze calm him.

That was right, he reminded himself, he shouldn’t have gotten so mad. Especially after saying something like that to Jesse. The other hadn’t been all that hospitable, but it still wasn’t his place to suddenly claim that Jesse was gay. Besides, what if he was wrong? Maybe Jesse really did just admire his friend a whole lot.

WIth enough rational thinking, maybe Landon could fix things. As long as he thought things through he’d be alright.

After all, his dad’s motto had always been something like ‘you don’t succeed just by working. You have to think about it’

Of course, it wasn’t like his dad was the best role model, but still. He was better than nothing.

Landon eventually began writing again, starting another story. It always made him feel better, writing about things that didn’t exist or couldn’t exist. It was nice to think that there were realities where he could do whatever he wanted. He could be anyone, say anything. Hell, there was probably a reality out there where he could hear everything. Sure, he’d managed to live this long without being able to hear much, but he knew there was so much more that he could do if he could just hear.

Like just a moment after that, when someone suddenly pushed the hammock a little too roughly and the brunet was promptly dropped to the ground. It only hurt a little, but that didn’t stop him from immediately turning to the culprit and shooting them a glare.

It was one of the preteen twins, either Dahlia or Amanda. He still couldn’t quite tell them apart.

“Woah, sorry Landon, I thought you were Jesse. That jerk still owes me twelve dollars’n’ I’m gonna hold him to it”

She left without even asking if he was alright or anything. He didn’t care, her actions told him who it was. Out of all the younger kids, the most well-behaved had to be Dahlia. Unlike Amanda and all her other siblings, the ravenette was quiet and would keep to herself. Landon didn’t actually have to talk to her to enjoy her company  and vice versa. That said, they still didn’t hang out a lot. She would always choose hanging out with her friends in town over sitting in the living room with him and reading.

Landon didn’t bother with the hammock again, deciding he could be doing something productive rather than writing. Maybe he could try and pull weeds again, or offer to the dishes. He’s been put on the chore chart, but he only had one or two chores. He didn’t mind helping out, it was the least he could do. After all, the Harpers weren’t really gaining anything from him being here.

The brunet headed inside and put his notebook up, before searching the house for Mrs. harper.

He asked if there was anything he could do to help out, but she assured him it was fine. He ended up sweeping the kitchen, but he wouldn’t tell her that he’d done it. It would be nice to see Jesse sweep it again after dinner, kind of like a miniature-payback for being kind of a jerk earlier.

Besides, it gave him time to think. He had begun devising a plan the moment he’d arrived at the Harper family farm,  but he’d gotten off track what with all the chores and having to tag along with Jesse when he went into town, not to mention trying to figure said male out.

Just days after his dad’s arrest, Landon had figured out that with enough money, his dad could be out of jail in no time. Bail money.

He realized, of course, what a crazy idea that was for someone like him, with no money, job, or even his own room. Where the hell was he supposed to be getting this money, anyway? He considered a fund-raiser, but he had nothing to sell. It wasn’t like he could bake, either, so even a bake sale would be a bust. He certainly couldn’t ask Mrs. Harper for money, she’d been way too nice to him for that. Not to mention it was almost like she didn’t want his dad out of jail at all. He couldn’t imagine why, they were friends, weren’t they? Even if she had given up the life of selling drugs, she’d been close enough with his dad to take him in while he was in jail. She wasn’t rude to Landon either, despite the rough circumstances.

He didn’t bother asking, knowing she’d either lie or simply not tell him. She wasn’t secretive like that, but he knew the idea of bail money should be kept between himself and his notebook. Maybe even Jack, if they ever got the time to talk alone. It was unlikely, since jack was always rushing off to work and Jesse was with him every other time.

He couldn’t have Jesse knowing either, since the other might tell Mrs. Harper and try to make a big deal out of it. He just knew Jesse hated him enough to do that, especially after today’s incident. It would be the perfect payback, wouldn’t it?

Little did he know, Jesse was quite the sneaky male. He’d already planned the perfect payback, and the dismissal of Landon from his room was only the beginning.

Chapter3

It wasn’t that he was angry at Landon that particular day, it was more like he was angry at how Landon’s appearance had shaken everything up. Even Jack was beginning to like him just as much as he liked Jesse. Landon was like some sort of replacement, except everyone liked him more and treated him like he was something special. Not to mention how much better he was at nearly everything.

In the past month, Landon had shown Jesse up at almost everything. He was better at doing the chores, better at dealing with kids. Hell, Landon probably had perfect test scores too.

The only thing Jesse bested him at was soccer. The other didn’t even know how to play, he’d never even played a sport before.

Talk about sheltered.

Jesse’s mama had ended up making him teach the raven how to play, but Landon still sucked. He claimed he couldn’t hear the other well enough, but sometimes Jesse wondered if he was faking it or not. After all, he talked fine now, he had even managed to control his voice volume. Jesse had yet to call him out on it though, knowing his mama would slap him upside the head if she heard anything like that.

Jesse had a plan, though, knowing if he could just catch Landon in the act, it would be the other’s downfall. However, it just hadn’t happened yet. Landon was either too sneaky or an amazing actor. He didn’t know which would be worse.

So, that’s why Jesse had lied, and why he was now crouched behind one of his mother’s huge flowerpots, peeking through the leaves at Landon. He was writing in that little journal of his, Jack sitting next to him and reading as he wrote.

He was sure that Landon trusted Jack more than anyone else, especially since Jack was so understanding. The brunet moved a bit closer as the two began to talk, straining to hear their conversation. He didn’t like how close they were sitting, or the way Jack’s hand brushed Landon’s when he pointed something out in the journal. He’d rather get this over sooner or later so he could put an end to this.

It was true, after all, what Landon had said. He really did like Jack and it was definitely ‘more than just friendship’. His mother didn’t know, no one knew, so he was pretty surprised when Landon so easily guessed the truth. That guy was going to mess this all up if he told either Jack or his mama. He’d be ruined. His life would be ruined.

They talked for a bit about Landon’s story and occasionally laughed at some joke the other said, the both of them having too much fun for Jesse’s liking. He was about to give up when he heard it, the words that would turn this all around for him.

“Listen, you can’t tell anyone what i’m about to tell you, alright?” Landon warned, voice softer than usual. It was an obvious attempt at whispering, but he wasn’t doing all that great. Jesse leaned in closer, nearly visible by now.

Jack hesitated at first, then nodded, promising softly that he wouldn’t say a word.

“ I’m going to bail my father out of jail,” Landon continued, scribbling in a corner of his sketchbook as if to distract himself, “I don’t have the money yet, but I’m going to save up enough money in secret, then I’ll run away and bail him out myself. I can’t keep living here, Jack..”

Oh, that was good.

That was by far the stupidest thing Jesse had learned today, and he’d heard a lot of stupid shit from his siblings that morning already. But this was even better, especially seeing the way that Jack frowned uneasily in response to what Landon had said.

“ I’m not sure that’ s a good idea. Besides, Bea is taking great care of you, isn’t she? You said she was the nicest woman you’ve met!”

“And I still think so,” Landon retorted, sighing, “I just don’t want to cause her more trouble than I already have just being here. I can’t stay here and have her pay my college tuition, she’s already got so many other kids to take care of, too. She shouldn’t waste her time with me”

Jack just shook his head, standing and patting Landon on the shoulder, “you know she doesn’t think you’re a burden. Just think about it, okay? Besides, I’d like it if you stayed here…”

He gave Landon’s shoulder a little squeeze and smiled at him, before starting away, “ I’ll see you later. Jess and I are going to play a soccer match with some school friends if you wanna come”

“Thanks, but I’m good” Landon assured, smiling warmly as the redhead walked back into the house. His cheeks were a bit flushed, but Jesse was already gone, running around the house in an effort to get to his room before Jack could. He couldn’t know Jesse was eavesdropping, he’d be pissed.

The brunet made it back into his room just in time. Luckily, Jack had stopped to talk to one of his younger siblings, making it easy for Jesse to slip past him and get to his room.

He was sweaty and panting, but was sure Jack wouldn’t really notice. Said male knocked on the open door, grinning at Jesse.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, my dad made me stay a little late at the bakery, someone puked on the front step” He laughed, taking a seat on the bed next to the other, “you ready to go?”

Jesse returned his smile, trying not to make it obvious that he knew Jack was lying. He stood, “yeah, let’s go. We’re already pretty late..”

The two made their way back out to Jesse’s truck and soon left, Jack showing know signs that he knew a secret or even knew that Jesse had been spying on him. Said male still didn’t know what he’d do with this information, but he knew something like this could get Landon either kicked out or shunned.  

He wouldn’t mind if it was both, really.

Jesse’s other friends were a little more rough around the edges than Jack. They didn’t care for Landon either, but their reasons were a bit different. They only thought he was a bad guy because of all the things Jesse had said, so he’d never introduced them to the guy. After all, he wouldn’t have anyone on his side if they really met him.

The game itself went pretty well, Jesse and Jack’s team winning with ease. However, he really hadn’t thought out his plan well, because the other two males began questioning Jack about Landon.

The three of them were sitting in the grass, huffing and puffing and just trying to catch their breaths when his friend Alex brought it up.

“ so, have you met that bastard that Jesse’s been tellin’ us about?” Alex  asked, blowing his blond bangs out of his eyes, “He sounds like a real douche, I’d totally fight ‘im if we ever met”

Jesse was quick to intervene, laughing nervously, “ you mean that guy Brent? Don’t worry, he moved away, you’ll never have to meet him! Jack hasn’t met him…”

Of course, even Jesse couldn’t stop them from talking about it.

“What makes him to terrible? He didn’t hit you or nothin’, right?” Jack asked, glancing at Jesse with a frown. He didn’t like it when the male got into fights and he’d scold him terribly if he thought the brunet had even argued with anyone.

“ nah, Jess said he was a weakling! He’s a liar too, he’s even tricked this guy’s entire family” The blond continued, laughing a bit, “said he might even rob’em or somethin’!”

Before Jesse could try and rebuke such a thing, his other friend Emmet suddenly clapped him on the shoulder, sipping the drink he’d gotten at a nearby vending machine, “ you all talkin’ about that asshole that’s stealin’ your life? What was his name again?”

“ Brent. His name’s Brent, but he moved away..” Jesse assured, glancing at Jack. The redhead looked suspicious and Jesse knew he was putting it all together in his head. He had to do something quick, before he figured it out.

“C’mon now, I never said he was stealin’ my life. More like he looks enough like a thug that he’d steal all our stuff. He’s more of a stalker, really, he was always followin’ me around’n’ tryin’ to ask me out’n stuff” He explained, twisting the story a bit so Jack didn’t catch on.

“Really, Jess? This faggot’s been followin’ you for what, a month now? You shoulda just punched him before he left or somethin’, let him know who’s boss!” The blond boy scoffed, standing, “ If he comes ‘round again, you should call us up, we’ll fight your fights if we gotta!”

Both he and Emmet headed for Emmet’s truck, wishing Jesse good luck and promising that they’d get ‘Brent’ next time. Thank God they were idiots, he thought, they could have messed everything up way too easily.

Of course, Jack was still suspicious. He wasn’t thrown off the scent too easily.

“How come I’ve never seen this guy?” he asked, frowning and putting a hand on Jesse’s shoulder, “ is he really stalkin’ you? What makes you think he wants to steal your life?”

Jesse shrugged, “ who knows. It’s over now, he moved back to the city a couple of days ago. I really only saw him once, but i know he was followin’ me”

Another blatant lie. He didn’t like lying to Jack, but this was another of those times where he had to.

The redhead just shook his head, grabbing the other’s arm and helping him up, “think you can drop me off at home? Dad’s wantin’ me to meet his new girlfriend’n’ I need to at least try’n’ look nice”

He smiled a bit,  but Jesse just sighed, “ how long are you gonna pretend you’re okay with all this? I’d be havin’ a fit if my Momma did somethin’ like that….”

Jack’s mother had died nearly two years ago,  but his dad had sure moved on quick. He was always dating younger women, though it never lasted. Jesse knew how much Jack hated it, but the other insisted on keeping it to himself.

He would always greet the girlfriends with a smile, even if he’d just end up calling Jesse ad asking him to come over so he didn’t have to be alone. Those were rough nights, but Jesse would do anything for him. He was in love with the other after all.

Jack didn’t say anything, just shaking his head and getting into Jesse’s truck. Jesse got in as well and started the vehicle before pulling away from the soccer field and heading towards downtown.

“Just promise you’ll call me later, alright? I’ll bring our emergency granola bars if it’s before dinner” He chuckled, nudging the redhead playfully. He could see Jack smile at that out of the corner his eyes, and smiled as well, just glad he could be of use to his friend. He knew that even if Jack found out how much he hated Landon, he’d still be there for him.

                                                 CHAPTER FOUR

Even after telling Jack everything, Landon still felt guilty. Like he was keeping some sort of terrible secret. The other had given him some options for raising money, but they wouldn’t be quick enough or get him enough money. HIs own options were awful.

He wrote them in his notebook, but that only made him feel worse.

1. Sell everything in my room

2.write stories and sell those

3.get a job in town

4.steal it

He hated it, he really did, but the truth was that the only thing that could get him money fast and with minimal effort would be stealing it. Over the past few weeks he’d gathered his courage and began stealing little things. Pennies and dimes he found in the couch cushions or on the floor. Of course, he still had no money, since he would immediately take it to mrs. Harper and apologize. She assured him it was alright, but he ended up putting it in the ‘rainy day jar’ they’d set up on a table in the hall. It made him feel a bit better, imagining that money going towards their Christmas or something.

Of course, the idea still lingered. Even if he did steal the money, it’d have to be from somewhere with lots of it, enough they wouldn’t notice. Plus he would have to be sneaky, so it would have to be somewhere with a shitty security system. There were only a couple of places like that around here, and Jack’s bakery was one of them. He definitely couldn’t steal from them.

He’d realized, just days after talking to Jack about the matter, that he  also had feelings for him. Just like Jesse. He’d never really speculated on his sexuality, nor had he cared. The brunet was too busy to even think about dating anyone, plus he’d sort of been a social outcast at his school. He’d never really liked anyone before, his dad had never given him the talk. Or any talk about relationships for that matter.

They only talked about the things that were important.

Money and stories.

That was all they needed back when it was just them. When they had just left his mother behind and moved into their crappy apartment, that was all they had to worry about. His dad had been writing a novel when they arrested him. Landon could only wonder if after all that he was still writing. Maybe he would even write Landon a letter or something one day.

He could only hope.

The male shut his journal and tossed it at the end of his bed. He didn’t want to think about the list. Not right now, anyway.

He knew he’d have to do something to get the money, but it was hard. There was only one other person he trusted to help, but if he hurt Jack like that...Jesse might actually kill him. That or the guilt, whichever came first.

Landon sighed, running a hand through his hair. What was he going to do? He didn’t mind living here, but he couldn’t help but want to be home. In his own apartment. In his own bed. If it was even still there for him to sleep in. He doubted that their landlady actually kept the apartment closed for them, she was greedy enough to auction off all their stuff without so much as an email. He had to get his dad back before it was too late. Their books were there. His journals. Those stupid family photo albums were still there, he knew how much his dad liked those photos. They reminded him of when Mom wasn’t completely crazy.

The male finally got up and changed into his pajamas, deciding on a plain white t shirt and a pair of fuzzy pajama pants his dad had gotten him as a joke for Christmas. It was only 7:30, but Landon was honestly too anxious to stay up much longer. The guilt from even thinking about stealing from the Harpers made him feel nauseous, but sleeping would definitely make him feel better.

He curled up in bed and turned out the light, but less than fifteen minutes later was jolted awake by someone shaking him roughly.

He pushed them away and sat up in a panic, not sure what to think. Oh. It was just Jesse.

“ Jesse, what the hell?” he muttered, sitting up and putting his hearing aid in so he could actually understand what the other was saying.

“ just hurry up. Get your shoes on, we’ve gotta get there before it’s too late” Jesse retorted, obviously terrified. He was panting, his cell phone gripped tight in his left hand, as if he’d just immediately run to Landon’s room. “ Jack’s in trouble, okay? I’m gonna need backup”

The color drained from Landon’ face and he was quick to get his shoes on and follow the brunet down the stairs and out the door to his truck. It didn’t start right away, but Jesse finally managed to get it running and he sped out of the driveway before Landon could even register what was going on.

“ what’s wrong with Jack? Why do we need to go help him?” he questioned, but Jesse didn’t answer, driving in concentrated silence. Why would he even bring Landon? THe raven knew the other didn’t like him, he especially didn’t like how close Jack and Landon were getting. Jesse tried to hide it, but his facial expressions gave him away, just like when he looked at Jack. He was constantly glaring at Landon or looking like he wished he could push him off a cliff. Well, maybe not something that dramatic, but something close to it.

They arrived at the bakery sooner than Landon thought they would. Jack was waiting outside, wearing a nice suit but looking way too pale and disheveled. Jesse got out and told Landon to scoot over, before leading Jack to the truck with the most gentle expression Landon had ever seen.

Jack got in next to Landon, but didn’t greet him. He didn’t even look at him, resting his head on the window without a word.

Jesse got in and zoomed off towards the river, reaching across Landon to tap Jack, “ what happened? What’s wrong?”

The redhead didn’t respond until Jesse parked on the side of the road , ready to go down to the dock for who knows what.

“...we had a fight…..Dad, he..he was talkin’ about marryin’ her and I started to argue with him’n’ i ran to my room….I climbed out the window, but i was afraid he’d do somethin’ crazy..” He murmured, voice shaking, “ He looked pissed, I thought he was gonna punch me right there…”

Jesse and Jack both got out, but Landon wasn’t sure if he should. He wasn’t even sure what was going on, what Jack was talking about. He knew next to nothing about Jack’s family, only knowing that they owned the bakery and that his dad was the boss.

The two left for the dock and Landon finally got out, following at a distance. He really shouldn’t be here. This….it wasn’t really his business, he knew, but what was he supposed to do? Just wait in  the truck the whole night? Besides, Jesse had brought him for a reason, hadn’t he? He knew the other was in love with Jack, but maybe he needed help comforting him.

nO, that couldn’t have been it.

Landon gave up on trying to figure it out, settling down with the other two at the end of the dock like they had the first time Lando  had come here.

It was silent for a while, spare for the croak of frogs in the night and soft buzz of the last of the summer bugs, all preparing to leave once fall rolled around.

Finally, after nearly half an hour, Jack spoke.

“ I’m….really glad you’re both here…..it means a lot, thanks..” he murmured, smiling faintly up at jesse, then at Landon. Jesse smiled warmly at his words, gently patting the redhead’s shoulder, “you know I’ll always be there for you. Wanna head to my place for food and relaxation?”

The redhead nodded a bit at that, “sure. Maybe Landon could join us this time?”

Jesse hesitated, glancing at Landon with a faint frown. The raven felt himself flush, but didn’t say anything, glancing between Jack and Jesse nervously. He definitely didn’t want to hang out with Jesse, but he supposed if jack was there it wouldn’t be terrible. After all, said male was something of a mediator for them.

Jesse finally caved, nodding, “sure, i don’t see why he can’t. We’d better get goin’, Mama will be pissed if she knew I was drivin’ round town this late”

The three got up to leave, Landon still allowing himself to lag behind a bit. He couldn’t imagine this miniature sleepover going all that well, but he supposed he could try to enjoy it. It was all for Jack’s sake, after all.

The three did get yelled at by Bea, but she softened a little when Jesse told her what had happened. She even made them all some snacks and told them they could stay up late if they wanted. It seemed kind of childish, but Landon didn’t mind. He hadn’t had a sleepover of any kind before, so the special treatment was kind of nice.

The three of them headed to Jesse’s room, but Landon ended up going upstairs to get his pillow and notebook. He ended up tearing the page with his little ‘money list’ out, crumpling it up and throwing it away in a spur of the moment decision. He didn’t want either of them to read it, but he knew he’d need his notebook at some point.

He headed back downstairs, hearing the two others laughing like crazy when he went to open it. He couldn’t back down, though, Jack had asked him to stay.

THe raven entered with a faint smile, shutting the door behind him a bit nervously. The two of them were playing a video game on the Harpers’ old wii, the both of them claiming they’d win by a landslide and just...laughing. Already Landon felt like some kind of intruder, but he didn’t leave, simply sitting on Jesse’s bed with his notebook and pillow in his lap, just watching the two of them play for a while. He didn’t mind, it’d been so long since he’d played a game like that, he was sjure he’d lose easily. However, after nearly an hour of Jesse and Jack battling to the death, Jack tossed the controller to Landon.

“ you know how to play Mario Kart, right? “ He asked, sitting on the bed and nudging landon towards the empty bean bag chair beside Jesse, “ I bet you could beat ‘im. I’m all tuckered out, I never win”

Landon nodded a bit, setting his stuff down and taking a seat next to Jesse. SAid male gave him a dirty look,  but said nothing. He obviously intended to beat Landon and make himself look better to Jack, but Landon had the same idea. He may have been a bit rusty, but that wouldn’t stop him from winning. Afterall, he easily beat a grown man all the time, why would this be any different?

He ended up losing the first two races in eighth place. Embarrassing.

However, by the last few races Landon got it together and ended up winning the rest of them easily, with Jesse just behind him in second and third. Said brunet was absolutely pissed, but he hid it just as easily as he hid his other emotions. That is to say, he really wasn’t doing a great jb keeping his anger contained. He was red in the face and trembling, gripping the controller way too tightly. Jack didn’t notice, cheering and giving Landon a high five for ‘defeating the king’.

“ What do ya think of that, Jess? The newbie beat you more than once, five times, even!” The redhead laughed, clapping Jesse on the back. Landon was sure the brunet would shout at the both of them, but he only turned to look at Jesse sheepishly, “ I didn’t think I’d be givin’ up my title to this bastard”

He punched Landon teasignly in the shoulder, laughing along with Jack now, though it was a little forced. Oh God, this guy was definitely pissed.

“ Oh, uh, you can keep your title, “ he assured, nervous now that Jesse was angry with him, “ I only one those few rounds, it was probably just luck”

“ nuh-uh, no one’s ever beat Jess, not even Bea or his brother Mason. I can’t imagine how much you’d have to play to be as good as this guy” Jack retorted, “ that’ why his grades are so bad, cuz he plays video games instead of studyin’”

“ why you-” Jesse turned at that, pulling Jack off the bed and attempting to pin him to the ground as if they were pro wrestlers or something. Landon couldn’t help but laugh a bit, but he was more relieved that the attention was drawn away from the whole ‘Jesse lost’ thing. He was a little afraid to see what Jesse might have done if Jack kept going on about how he’d won.

They continued to joke around and play games, though Landon said he was tired and just sat on the bed and watched for the rest of the night. They finally decided to go to sleep around one am, but Jesse and Landon were still up, the silence between them far too heavy.

Landon had opted for the floor, though he knew he’d be sore in the morning.He just couldn’t accept having to sleep in the same bed as Jesse, and he knew the brunet was going to keep him and Jack as far apart as possible.

“ You still up, too, huh?” Jesse muttered, rolling over and looking at Landon through the darkness. His curtain was open a sliver, so the light of the moon peeked through a bit. Though it was dim, it lit up Landon’s face easily, but he couldn’t see Jesse as well from where he was, both the fact that his vantage point was too  low and the moonlight didn’t quite reach the bed, leaving Jesse in the shadows.

It was silent for a moment, save for Jack’s soft snores from the other side of the bed. He was fast asleep, and apparently a deep sleeper.

“ Isn’t there some other relative of yours you can go live with? What about your mom or an aunt or uncle or something? Grandparents?” He asked, the words making Landon frown, “ Neither of us wants you to be here, ya know. You want your dad back and i want my whole damn life back”

“ I can’t….i don’t have anything like that…” he murmured, though he realized it was kind of a lie. HIs mom was still around, after all, they just didn’t contact her anymore. They left for a reason, he sure as hell wasn’t going back, “everyone’s gone…”

“ even your mom? What happened?” Jesse continued, apparently not seeing the look on Landon’s face when he said that.

“ nothing. We left. I don’t think it’s your business, anyway….” He murmured, looking anywhere but the bed, “ Sorry I’m makin’ your life shitty, I’ll try and leave as soon as I can…”

Jesse was silent for a moment, before sighing, “ I’m sorry, alright? I just...you’re everyone’s favorite, but you’re not special….You know I like Jack, right? I just don’t want you to get between us, too…”

“ thanks, I guess…” he muttered, “ listen, I’m not gonna steal him away or whatever, i’m not even gonna tell him i like him, but you should. You can’t hide it forever, Jess, he’s gonna realize it soon”

“You what?” Jesse asked, voice angry now. Landon could tell he’d sat up, probably preparing to tackle Landon right then and there, “ you-you don’t have a chance with him, anyway”

“Yeah, I know, genius. I’m not gonna confess anytime soon, okay? I’ve got a lot of other shit on my plate right now, anyway..” he muttered, “ ‘sides, i’m not sure you’ve got much of a chance either. How do you know he even likes you back? He might not even be gay”

“ I know that…”Jesse sighed, the bed creaking as he settled back down, “ I’m….probably never gonna tell him…..I’d rather him not know’n’still like me as a friend than know and hate me for it….”

Landon’s expression softened a bit at that, but he said nothing. He felt bad admitting aloud that he liked Jack too, especially after hearing what Jesse had to say. He felt the same, he’d much rather have a secret and a good friend than truth and an enemy.

“I….know I said i don’t want you here, but I guess it’s alright if you got nowhere else to go….” Jesse muttered, “ let’s make a deal. Neither of us makes a move on Jack and we’ll keep each other’s secret. mIne being my crush and yours being the fact that you wanna bail your dad out”

Landon sat up at that, paling at Jesse’s words, “How the hell do you know about that?”

“ did you read my journal?did Jack tell you?” he asked, his anxiety growing. Was he going to tell Bea? What if he was sent away? What if Landon was kicked out and left with nothing? He couldn’t live alone, how would he get food and shelter?

Not to mention he was going to be eighteen in less than a year, he could be charged as an adult and sent to jail. He might be with his dad again, but it wouldn’t be the same.

“ I heard you two talkin’...don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t “ Jesse assured, chuckling a bit, “don’t know why you’re so scared, my mama wouldn’t do nothin’, hell, she’d probably even help you out”

Landon shook his head,” I couldn’t ask her to do that. She’s been so kind to me already. I promsed I wouldn’t make her spend too much on me”

Jesse was quiet for a moment, hesitating to speak. He finally did, his words too soft for Landon to hear.

“What did you say?” the raven asked, glancing up at the bed. He never did get an answer. There was a long, still silence, and then he heard Jesse sgtart to snore as well, his being a bit deeper and softer than Jack’s.

Landon soon fell asleep as well, managing to doze off easily after Jesse’s confirmation that he wouldn’t tell anyone.

He was just glad the other didn’t seem to completely hate him anymore.

CHAPTER 5

Several months passed with no mention of money or unrequited love. Thank God.

Jesse didn’t like the idea of Landon being able to blackmail him, but he was sure the other didn’t like it either.

The both of them had agreed to some kind of truce, but Jesse still wasn’t completely on board with the ther living with him and his family. He even considered helping Landon get the money to bail his dad out, but he didn’t know where he’d get it either. He didn’t have a job and he’d rather not get one in this area. Don’t get me wrong, Jesse loved his hometown, but there was just no where to work that could get him enough money to bail Landon’s dad out. Besides, he’d much rather use that money for college. He wanted nothing more than t support his family. After his dad had run off, both Mason and his mama had been workin’ their asses off trying to keep the family from falling apart. The money from their produce and eggs helped too, even if it was just a little. Landon was just another mouth to feed, another student to support.

He was going to bleed their family dry.

He, Jack and Lando were hanging out again today, own by the river. Landon had been following them around more and more since that night they divulged their secrets to eachother, but Jesse reminded himself that if he even thought about sending the male back home, Landon would probably tell everyone he was gay and in love with Jack Faustas. He wouldn’t have any friends or life here anymore. Not to mention he already didn’t have any money. His family wouldn’t turn against him, but ti would be so awkward all the time. He didn’t know if he’d be able to take it.

“Jess, you’ve got a nibble”

The brunet looked up when he heard Jack’s voice, surprised to see his fishing line wiggling a bit, the fish that was nibbling not strong enough to pull the entire pole. He was quick to reel it in, standing and rushing to get the line in before the fish could escape.

Jack cheered when he managed to pull the fish up onto  the dock, the thing flopping and wriggling around in an attempt to get back in the water.

“Damn, it’s just anoter bluegill…” Jesse muttered, picking it up and removing the hook from it’s mouth before tossing it back into the murky water, “ I was hopin’ i’d get a catfish, that’d really be impressive”

“Well, you’ll never beat me in terms of fishin’” Jack laughed, casting his own line back into the water, “then again, Landon’s doin’ pretty well’n’ he’s a city boy”

Landon smiled faintly at that, moreso at Jack than Jesse. It was digusting, watching him get all dopey and lovestruck over a little attention.

“ well, maybe one day we’ll have a big fishin’ competition. We’ll see who the winner is then~” Jesse decided, drawing back and casting his line back into the water.

He sat back down again, pole sitting lightly in his grip so he could enjoy the view. It was near dark, the sunset peeking over the trees on the other side of the river and casting a soft, pink glow on the three. Their bobbers wiggling with the cool breeze that October had brought on.

Fall break was nearly over, but the three of them would continue to hang out after school, like they had been.

{ completely different scene}

“ Jess….you don’t still hate me, do you?” Landon’s voice was softer than ever, his now calloused hands sitting still in his lap, as if his heart wasn’t beating like crazy in his chest. He knew he’d messed up, he just..he didn’tknow how to fix it anymore. Promises meant nothing now.

It was silent for several minutes, Jesse lightly rocking the hammock with his foot, as if waiting for Landon to just leave him alone.

He didn’t.

After what seemed like forever, Jesse spoke, his voice trembling as he did.

“ I-I’m not….I don’t hate you..” he murmured, just loud wnough so Lando could hear him, “ I just….I can’t believe you told him…”

“ I’m sorry, Jess, I just couldn’t bear to watch you two any longer. He needed to know and you needed to see the truth” Landon retorted, “ besides, you said you didn’t even like him anymore...do you?”

“I don’t” the brunet replied. His gentle rocking had long since stopped and he was sitting up in the hammock now, frownng at the male on the ground beside him. The full moon left nothing unseen, Landon’s unkept hair looking even worse after running , his jacket slipping off of one of his shoulders. He shivered in the chilly March air, but didn’t lok up at jesse. He hadn’t noticed him watching, too bus fis=dgeting with his hands in his lap.

“ why not?” “I like someone else”

Landon looked up at that, fear evident in his features, “ who is it?”. It was obviou he didn’t really want to know the answer, like he was afraid to hear it. Jesse hesitated, the air between them thick with fear and nervousness.

“It’s you. I like you” he murmured, glancing away, as if that would makd him any less embarrased. Landon was silent for too long, and Jesse looked up at him again, only to see him flushed red and hiding a smile with his hand.

“I-it’s embarrassing, stop looking at me!” he exclaimed, hiding his face further, “I...also...like you..” he muttered, voice muffled by his sleeve.

Jesse sat there in shock, his chest filling with warmth and his heart feeling fuller than ever. He smiled, “ really?”

“Yeah...for a while now, too…”Landon retorted, his smile showing on the moonlight,  “just...s-stop looking at me with that stupid grin on your face!”

Jesse continued to gaze at him for a moment before lying back down with a sigh. Landon went back to fiddling with his hands, but the silence was soon filled with Jesse’s laughter, the brunet making the entire hammock shake. He was just...he was so happy.

Jack wasn’t mad at him, his mother hadn’t found out and Landon even liked him back! It was funny to think that nearly a year ago he’d hated the guy, and here he was falling for him!

“Jess?” Landon asked, peering over the edge of the hammock, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

The brunet didn’t answer, too busy just laughing and laughing and laughing at all of this. At everything.

He finally managed to get his words out, but it was still hard to understand. “ y-you just- I can’t beleive you l-like me back!” He was gasping for air at this point, his laughs mostly just wheezing, near silent ones now, “ a-and my life is still t-together! Everything’s okay!”.

Landon was surprised for a moment, but just smiled and began to laugh a bit as well. He soon climbed into the hammock with Jesse, the both of them laughing their worries away through the night.

{chapter end}

The both of them were nervous, squeezing eachother’s hands under the table. Any moment now and that officer would walk back in with Landon’s dad. It’d been so long since he’d seen him, even this little conversation would mak him feel amazing Especially since they had th money to bail him out now.

After getting the money, Jesse had driven him across the river and into Lousiville, promising that they’d come back with his dad. They had the money, they had a car. Landon was finally getting to see his dad again and he was coming home with them.

The both of them straightened up in their chairs when the door opened, the officer leading his dad in with handcuffs on. Landon stared, unmoving, his mouth open in surprise His dad looked so..different. He was so skinny and his five o’ clock shadow had grown out into a short beard. His hair was graying in some places, and his curly brown hair was an absolute mess. Why did he look like that? Landon thought prison treated their inmates better.

“ you get an hour, then he has to go back” the officer muttered, uncuffing his father and leaving. He closed the door, but it was apparent that they would be watching through the one sided mirror on the far wall.

The moment the door shut, Landon got up and hugged his dad tight, his arms fitting way too well around his dad’s waist. Hot tears picked his eyes, his throat burning when he realized he’d get to see him everyday, just like he used to.

“Dad-” “what the hell are you doin’ here, Landon?”

The raven looked up at the man through a teary gaze, frowning and pulling away a bit, “what...we...we came to see you, i-it’s been a year….”

His dad gazed at him for a moment, his warm, brown eyes glassy with emotion. He said nothing, pulling the male back into the hug and burying his face in his shoulder, his own tears slipping down his nose and onto his son’s shirt, soaking it through.

“ I’ve missed you so much….how’re they treating you? Is Bea nice’n’healthy?” he asked, pulling away with a faint smile. Landon had gotten taller, he knew, and was now almost the same height as his dad. They didn’t look alike at all, save for their eyes.

“ yeah….she’s great, they’re all great…”Landon replied, glancing back at Jesse with a warm smile. He turned back to his dad, now speaking rapidly, “ I can’t wait til you meet everyone, the twins are so cute and Geogia has sucha  great imagination and Ja-”

HIs dad cut him off, “ what? Landon, I can’t just leave….I’m never getting out, don’t you know that?”

“No, no, we brought bail money it’s enough to get you out!” Landon assured, Jesse nodding behind him, “ I did all my research and now we’ve got plenty of money and you can get out and we can go home, right?”

“It...it’s not that simple, Landon….”he murmured, running a hand through the boy’s hair, “I’m really not gettin’ out, Little Legs, they’ve got me here for good”

Landon was becoming desperate, already begining to cry again. He gripped his dad’s arms tightly, face paling, “why not? Y-your sentence can’ be that long! You only got caught with the drugs, they didn’t know you were sellin’ them! Why can’t you come home?”

He was shaking his dad by now, desperate for the information. He’d been waiting a whole year for this, why wasn’t it going right? Why now? They’d worked so hard and now it was falling apart, it was all crumbling and slipping through his fingers like sand.

An officer burst into the room before Landon could get his answer, pulling the two of them apart. He held Landon back, asking what the hell had gotten into him?

“ B-bail money! we ‘re bailing him out! I-I just want my dad back, please!” He cried, not fighting the officer too much, “ He’s innocent! “

A lie, but he wanted so desperately to believe it. The officer let him go, Jesse gently taking the male’s arm now. He’d stood up when the commotion started, he’d never seen his boyfriend like this. H’d never seen him act so desperate, so scared.

“ he killed a man, son! You expect us to just let a kid bail him out!?” The officer scoffed, cuffing his dad and leading him out again.

Landon stopped, watching them go with wide eyes that were already filling with tears again.

His dad…? A murderer..?

The officer soon came back alone, both Landon and Jesse now seated again. Landon was pale now, lip trembling as the officer began to tell him the truth. His dad had murdered one of his clients after a deal went south and was charged with manslaughter. He was going to live out a life sentence in here, no bail money could help him now.

Landon didn’t want to believe it. He was full-on sobbing now, desperate for this to be some kind of dream or something. Of course, the officer wouldn’t lie, and when he realized this Landon just started screaming, the sound echoing back at them. He hugged himself tight, ignoring jesse when the other tried to calm him down, his hands over his ears. Not like he could hear them anyway, his hands covering his good ear and silence befalling him. He couldn’t hear himself think, he just kept screaming and screaming and screaming , fighting both the officer and Jesse when they tried to get him to stop. He just wanted it all to go away.

Landon wished they’d never come here, they never stole that money. He wished he’d never fallen in love with jesse and had never moved in with his family. He wished his father had never been arrested. He wished he’d never been a drug dealer in the first place, wish they’d nver left his mom. Even if it meant living with the devil herself, he wished it would just go back to how it was before.

{excerpt}

“Come here, let’s lie together..” Jesse murmured, pulling Landon towards the hammock. He’d been crying again, face red and puffy and tearstained. He looked so much like a little kid, jesse could have laughed at the sight. But he didn’t.

The two curled up together in the hammock, Landon’s face buried in his boyfriend’s chest, just breathing him in for a moment. It was nowhere near silent, the buzz of the cicadas and other nightlife singing to the both of them.

It was a while before Jesse spoke, one of his hands now entangled in the other’s hair, his other holding Landon’s hand. He rubbed circles into Landon’s palm, soft and slow like he always did.

“ Is it about your dad…?” he asked, voice almost too soft for Landon to hear. He nodded a bit, looking just a little less pitiful than he had moments earlier.

“ ...he-he’s not like that...he’s no killer, Jesse…” he whispered, “he’s not like...her”

“Who?”

Silence.

“ Landon…” he started, cupping the raven’s cheek and pulling Landon’s face closer to his own, “ I wanna know everything about you, even if it’s difficult. Tell me so I can help you…”

Landon gazed up at the other, speechless for a moment. He wiped at his tears and let out a shaky breath, nodding, “alright….alright, but it’s...a really long story…”

Jesse smiled softly at that, “ we got all the time in the world. Tell me everything that’s a burden’n I’ll help you carry it”

Landon was smiling now too, relaxing into the other’ grip and closing his eyes as he began to speak. He told Jesse everything, all about how his mother was normal until the year he turned nine. Then she just went crazy. He recalled coming home from school one day and there she was, standing above his dad with the tv remote and threatening to kill him. She’d threatened Landon too later on, and soon his dad just packed up and left. He didn’t tell anyone where he was going or why, he’d just left his life behind. He told Jesse about how he’d help organize the merchandise and hide the money his dad got. How they had thrown most of it away on even more merchandise. How he’d go to school sometimes and he wouldn’t even be able to eat lunch because his dad couldn’t give him another two dollars for whatever reason. Landon didn’t cry anymore, soon going on aboujt the dozens of stories he and his dad had written, about the prizes he won and the newspaper he was featured in. By the time he finally stopped talking, the sun was beginning to rise over the fields behind them, bathing them in a soft pink and orange glow, the both of them grinning like the lovestruck idiots they were. THey remained there for most of the morning, soon dozing off to a chorus of birds and a rustle of trees in the summer breeze.

[chickensinliterature]

From The Bill from My Father: A Memoir by Bernard Cooper

Light shot from the lens of the projector and burrowed through the room. It flickered over the furniture and gave the dark a restless depth. I watched dust motes whirl and collide in the beam, and this bright turmoil, this erosion of countless powdery grains, was proof of a fact I knew all along but hadn’t grasped until that moment: the world was being ground to bits. I was still transfixed when I heard my father tell me to snap out of it and pay attention to what was on the screen. 

In a wood-paneled office, a stout black woman sat across a desk from a white man, whose bony hands were folded atop an ink blotter. A pen holder slanted in his direction, and next to it a name plate identified him as a judge. His lips moved nonstop, but the film was silent and I couldn’t make out a word he was saying. All the while he stared into the camera with the unnatural expression of a person who’d been told to act natural and not stare into the camera. The woman paid respectful attention, leaning forward once or twice in a futile effort to interrupt. She clutched under one arm a leather-bound book that was either a Bible or a volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica. On the desk beside her lay an overstuffed purse. 

The judge was still yammering when the purse, without so much as a twitch of forewarning, stood up, wavered on two spindly legs, and walked toward him, though “walked toward him” suggests that the purse had a particular destination, whereas its halting progress was more along the lines of two steps forward, one step back. For a moment I wondered whether it was a marionette, though I couldn’t see strings, and besides, who in their right mind would make a marionette that looked like a staggering handbag? No, the purse’s senselessness hinted at the possibility that it once possessed sense and now was trying to get along without it. This was animal motion, too reflexive with muscle and nerve to be anything inanimate. 

The judge’s mouth stopped moving when the scruffy whatever-it-was lurched into his line of vision. He gave it a wary, sidelong glance, ready to react should something unexpected occur, which, considering what had occurred already, would have to be inconceivably strange. That’s when the camera slowly zoomed in, moving as if it, too, were an animal, a predator hunting its unsuspecting prey. It slid between the woman and the judge, intent on the mound in the middle of the desk. Feathers slowly came into focus. Wings bristled as the creature breathed.

“What is it?” I whispered. 

“Watch,” said my father. 

He had been a witness to the actual event, but because I didn’t know this yet, his Watch was like a magic command that caused what happened next to happen. A stump emerged from the thing’s right side, which until that point had looked identical to its left. The stump pivoted toward the camera and paused long enough to reveal its severed end. A tunnel of tendon and pearly bone led inside the creature’s body, the sight no less gruesome in black-and-white. The woman’s fingers descended into view, holding an eyedropper by its rubber bulb. She squeezed until a bead of clear liquid glistened at its tip, then angled it toward the cavity. The stump strained upward. 

The idea of watching the creature being fed made me speechless, queasy. How much closer would the camera zoom? What kind of contractions would swallowing involve? That blind, groping, hungry stump was the neediest thing I’d ever seen. Leaving the room was out of the question; my father would view my retreat as rudeness, or worse, as proof that I was a delicate boy unworthy of paternal wisdom. I couldn’t have fled anyway; sunk in the possessive depths of the couch, I could barely move. 

The droplet wobbled. 

“Sugar water,” said my father. 

Not until later that night, after unsuccessfully begging myself to please stop thinking about the gaping wound, did I realize that sugar water referred to the solution in the eyedropper. At the time, however, my father might as well have said spoon clock or hat bell for all the sense his comment made. 

The pendulous droplet fell into the stump. Then another and another. For all that creature knew it had started to rain, and the rain tasted sweet. As the woman doled out the final drops, words scrolled up the screen: 

There is hope for you too 

when you see how divine power 

keeps Lazarus alive! 

Mrs. Martha Green’s decapitated fowl 

lives to become 

THE MIRACLE CHICKEN! 

This 20th century wonder brings a possibility

of new life and new healing 

to an army of believers. 

It’s all TRUE! 

This movie is AUTHENTIC! 

The woman’s purse was a headless chicken. I might have uttered this fact aloud since it came as such a great, if short-lived, relief. My father had used the phrase “like a chicken with its head cut off” to describe all manner of frenzied activity, applying it to bad drivers and harried salespeople and even to my mother, who cooked dinner in a state that could be described either as motherly gusto or stifled rage. Every time I heard the expression, I pictured the figurative chicken running around a barnyard in circles and spurting a geyser of blood before dropping dead in the dust. Dropping dead forever, I should add, because it never occurred to me that a chicken might survive its execution, give hope to humans, and star in a film. Wasn’t a head indispensable? 

Dad towered beside the projector, his figure awash in flickering light. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar. 

“There’s your old man,” he said, pointing to the screen. 

A crowd dressed in Sunday finery milled around the front lawn of a clapboard house. People stepped aside to let my father pass, a sea of hats parting before him. Mrs. Green trailed in his wake. She cradled Lazarus in her arms, careful not to let the bird be jostled and also not to hide it from view. Making his way through the crowd, Dad cast frequent backward glances to make sure Mrs. Green and her bird were behind him. Photographers jockeyed to get a good shot. Reporters frantically scrawled on their notepads. Men and women craned their necks, some letting children straddle their shoulders to get a better look. 

Mrs. Green refuses to hand Lazarus over to the S.P.C.A. despite a court order from Judge Stanley Moffatt. Her attorney, Edward S. Cooper, claims the bird is “an act of providence for the benefit of all mankind.” 

The throng of spectators, two or three people deep, waited behind a listing picket fence as my father escorted Mrs. Green into a yard overgrown with blooming hibiscus and bougainvillea. She seemed at home there, so I supposed the yard was hers. It may have been an effect of the grainy eight-millimeter film, but this ramshackle Eden glowed with an ancient, paper-thin light, as if the screen had turned to parchment. It wouldn’t have surprised me if one of the bushes had burst into flame and spoken in a holy baritone. 

My father carried his monogrammed briefcase by his side. He and Mrs. Green walked to a small table that had been set up on a patch of grass. They glanced nervously at the camera, humbled by the expectant crowd. Black and Caucasian faces looked on, soldiers in an army of believers. Mrs. Green gazed almost sorrowfully at the bundle in her arms. Hesitant to let it go, she inhaled a bracing, duty-bound breath, then gingerly lowered the chicken onto the table. Its feet dangled like scrawny tassels, and once his legs touched the table top, they buckled without a hint of resistance. 

I’d learned over the years to heed my father’s impatience as one would a storm warning, and watching him stand there on-screen, I recognized signs of impending anger as he glared at that motionless bird. A prominent vein bulged on his forehead. His grip on the briefcase tightened. I could almost hear him thinking, Of course this would happen. What did I expect? Just when things were going my way, fate sticks out its leg and trips me. He and Mrs. Green stood side by side and I thought I saw him nudge her with a silent ultimatum: Do anything you have to do, but get that goddamn poultry to move! You want people thinking this is some kind of hoax? I felt the weight of his briefcase in my hand, his hot collar encircling my neck, his heart thumping inside my chest. “What if it doesn’t move?” I asked. Meaning if it didn’t, would we both be ashamed? 

He looked worried in the movie but not in real life. He smiled faintly and crossed his arms. 

“That bird’s as alive as I am,” he said. 

Silent concern rippled through the crowd; a few people used their hats as fans or consulted hefty, gilt-edged Bibles. Mrs. Green patted her forehead with a hankie. The twentieth-century wonder looked about as wondrous as a feather duster. 

What were my father and Mrs. Green to do? They couldn’t rouse it by snapping their fingers or waving their hands in front of its face. Maybe they could communicate to the bird through touch, the way Annie Sullivan had tapped the word water on Helen Keller’s hand. Of course, it wouldn’t look good if my father and Mrs. Green started poking at the chicken; you can’t badger a miracle to happen and then expect people to marvel when it does. 

I gasped when the chicken sprang to its feet, wings thrashing the air. Feathers bristled when it stretched its stump. The camera pulled back as if rearing in fear and astonishment. People in the background flung up their arms in a mute hallelujah. Mrs. Green’s unbounded joy caught my father off guard; he swayed in her embrace, eyeing the chicken over her shoulder. Big letters bellowed from the screen: 

Cock-A-Doodle-Do! 

My father’s high, delighted laughter rose over the sound of the projector. 

“Is that chicken something?”

“Rooster, you mean?” 

“Chicken,” he corrected, annoyed that I might have missed the big finish, might have been distracted when water turned to wine. 

“Chickens don’t crow,” I told him. 

“What?” 

Tricky business, repeating a statement that belonged, I realized too late, in the “back talk” category. I scrambled to match oinks and tweets and moos with the appropriate animal, only to discover that the correspondences were more debatable than I’d realized. My rooster remark sounded arrogant now, and possibly untrue. “Do roosters crow?” I found myself asking. 

The projector lit my father’s face from below. His chin and brow were islands of light, his eye sockets deep, unreadable. “Supposing a chicken doesn’t crow,” he said. “Then this one’s more of a miracle.” 

                                                         * * * 

Remember the headless rooster?” I asked. 

My father leaned toward the microphone.

“Chicken,” he insisted, then sat back in his chair. 

“But the chicken supposedly crowed, Dad. And chickens—I’d stake my life on this—don’t crow. They cackle. Or cluck?” 

The querulousness in my voice, and the irritation in his, had been preserved for thirty years. 

“Look,” he said, “if the client says a chicken crowed, the chicken crowed. Mrs. Green heard it. So did half the people who were at the press conference that day. Maybe they were in a religious state. That kind of thing has never happened to me personally, so I wouldn’t know. All I know is that Mrs. Green buys the chicken from a local butcher, takes it home for dinner, puts a pot of water on the stove, and when she goes to pluck the thing, it stands up and starts strutting around the kitchen like this was just another day on the farm. She’s standing there gawking when a voice comes out of nowhere and tells her to name the bird Lazarus, and she hollers, ‘Praise the Lord.’” Here my father lifted his arthritic arms as high as he was able, the jumpsuit stretching taut across his belly. “She gets on the phone to call her friends, who call their friends, and so on, and pretty soon people are showing up at Mrs. Green’s house in droves, lining up just to get a look at the thing. Being your enterprising type, she starts charging admission. Can you blame her? She sees a brass ring and she grabs it. That’s America.”

Book “The Bill from My Father: A Memoir” by Bernard Cooper

Painting” “The Cock” by Chef and Artist Jacques Pepin