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writingtoforgetreality · 3 years

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Faking To Pretend (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Request: cathy cathy cathy here i am with another request *sigh* i cant help myself your writing is just too good

i was wondering if i might request a steve rogers x reader fic where maybe reader and steve are paired up for a mission and have to pretend to be married (undercover) and some thing happen to kind of force them to admit their feelings for each other (maybe one of them gets injured? or kidnapped idk you do what you want to 😂) anyways LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️ (by @msmarvelsmain), [Marvel-Masterlist]

Summary: Fake engagements, wedding plans & an undercover mission that jeopardized your well-being in the blink of an eye. Throughout it all, you somehow had to hide the fact that your feelings for Steve were just friendly, nothing more.

Words: 8,610

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, humor, argument, brief mentions of drugs, undercover mission (engagement & wedding plans), female pronouns used, that's pretty much it

[Mimi…this happens when our ideas get mixed up. LOVE YOU TOO!]

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The familiar sound of a notification emanated from your phone. You deposited the book you had been immersed in onto the mattress & replaced it with the device. It confused you for a second when you noticed Tony being the one to message you. After all, you were literally in the same building.

Stark: meeting in 5.

(Y/N): you do know that you could tell me in person, right? just knock or something.

Stark: you’re too far away.

(Y/N): two doors, stark. TWO!

Stark: meeting in 4.

(Y/N): i hate you.

A loud sigh escaped through your lips. Typical Tony. Two could play that game. You planned on arriving right in time, not earlier. Maybe a few seconds too late. Anything to mess with him. At least he could get a taste of his own medicine that way.

“You’re a minute late.” Tony commented when he watched you walk inside the room. Your arms crossed over your chest as you leaned your shoulder against the door frame.

“You’re lucky I came in the first place.” you remarked. “Besides, I’m the first one here. Mission alone?” you questioned, raising your eyebrows while expectantly waiting for his answer. It was not usual for you to go alone. Except if the mission concerned grabbing pizza from the place down the block. You hoped for him that he did not pull that card, though.

“No but I wanted to discuss it with you before the others- oh, never mind.” Tony stopped talking when three more figures entered the room, brushing past your frame without paying too much attention to you. Sam. Bucky. Steve. What a damn combination. That was your team? Well, good luck. Everyone got seated on the chairs circling the big table but you stood your ground in the doorway. Steve patted the free chair next to his side, eyes flickering up to yours. A silent invitation you politely declined by shaking your head but you made sure that he could detect your small smile. Tony did not seem to mind & went straight ahead into explaining the mission you four had to perform. Most of the time, you zoned off though you really did try your hardest to stay focused. But when you glanced between the men in the room, you already knew the chaos that would come with them.

Basically, the team came across a signal emitting from the back of a small shop. From what you knew so far, it was some sort of a database that saved a whole lot of criminals. Some of them who you had fought in the past & some of them who you had never heard of but they sounded incredibly dangerous nevertheless.

“Question.” one of your hands raised & you waited for them to look at you.

“Go for it.” Tony pointed over to you, letting out a low breath because you were behaving as if you were in class & needed permission before speaking up.

“Why do Steve & I have to be the ones engaged?” normally, you would not care about undercover missions. But when said mission had you teamed up & fake-engaged to Steve? Well, you had a hard time separating work from personal feelings. Not that anything was going on between you guys but you would not lie if you said that you wanted to change it.

“What, do you want Sam & Bucky to be the couple in question?” Stark, in return, asked another question & you rolled your eyes.

“No, of course not.” that earned you disagreements from both, Sam & Bucky. Steve simply sat by, chuckling quietly while observing your conversation quietly.

“And Steve & you are close. It’ll be easier for you guys to pretend.” Tony casually stated & you had to fight the urge to avert your gaze. If you did, they sure as hell would realize something being wrong with you. And you were not about to be embarrassed in front of them. Maybe you already were but at least they did not know about it. After all, you were a fucking great actor.

“Uh-huh.” so you played it cool. As cool as the situation allowed you to be. “But why do we need Laurel & Hardy with us then?”

“Because I said so.” Tony used your most hated phrase & he damn well knew it. After a short pause, he turned a bit more serious again. “They’ll be Steve’s best men.”

“Wait.” your hand raised & you closed your eyes for a second. “Steve has two best men & I’m not allowed a maid of honor?” now everyone inside the meeting room was chuckling. Everyone but you.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Stark shrugged, brushing it off as nothing though he was aware that you were annoyed by his plan already.

“How is that fair?” you could not stop asking questions, somehow hoping that if you continued, you could get out of this successfully. Deep down, it was clear that the mission had been planned & you could not do anything to change it. Not even a single thing.

“It isn’t.” Tony admitted with a brief nod of his head. “But you’ll need Sam & Bucky on this one. So stop bitching around.”

“These are gonna be some long ass days…” you mumbled, putting your face in your hands in frustration.

“Enjoy!” & with that, Tony dismissed you, leaving you behind dumbfounded.

Sam & Bucky exited the room soon after. Steve & you were the only ones left.

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Immediately, the frown was replaced by a genuine grin. You found yourself in this state whenever he looked at you like that. Whenever he talked to you, actually. “Everything okay?” his eyes showed concern. They usually did when he noticed you zoning off.

“Huh?” you asked before the words had processed. “Oh, yeah. Of course.”

“I’m sorry about.” his hands gestured wildly, searching for the most suitable words. “The mission being uncomfortable for you.”

“No, it’s not uncomfortable.” you tried to explain yourself. “Just, sometimes I feel like Stark just wants to mess with me.”

“Well, if it helps cheering you up…I’ll behave.” he winked at you playfully & you hated how your body reacted to such simple movements.

“I’m sure you will.” you snickered. “My true worries are your best men.” a sly smirk spread onto your face & Steve could not hold back a chuckle.

“Yeah, I can’t control them.” he agreed with you. “I’ll see you around.” he walked past you, turning around one last time. You simply nodded at him, not trusting your own voice. While you handled the situation as best as you could, you wanted to avoid an awkward goodbye. Besides, you would set out first thing in the morning. You needed some alone time before shit started going down. Not that you expected this mission to fail. The exact opposite, actually. The four of you worked incredibly well together. Compensating other’s mistakes & improvising fast if needed. Mostly, though, you ended up straying from the actual plan & that was what had you worried. Because if you did not stick to it, things could turn real uncomfortable real quick.

As if the mission itself was not demanding enough, the car ride to even arrive at your destination was ten times worse. Steve was behind the wheel & you were lucky that you occupied the passenger’s seat & did not have to sit in the back with either Sam or Bucky. They were children, really. Right now, it felt like Steve & you were the parents of two incredibly challenging kids who could not shut their mouths. Not even for a second. Steve succeeded with ignoring them & he was concentrating on the road so that gave him another thing to do. You, on the other hand, were stuck without any distractions except for the bickering that was currently going on in the backseat. But you knew better than to interrupt them because if you did, it would only turn worse. So you took a few deep breaths & settled further into your seat, closing your eyes to maybe rest a bit before your arrival. What you did not notice was Steve glancing over to your figure, a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he recognized you attempting to sleep during the stress inside the car.

At least the hotel Tony checked you in was worth it. Fake-engagements had their perks. Especially if a luxurious suite was a part of it. Sam & Bucky were somewhere in another room but Steve & you, the two of you pretty much occupied an entire floor. That was how huge your room was. You did not even have to carry your own suitcases. There was an employee who helped you with that. What a nice way of living that was. If only you were not pretending. But why were you even thinking that way? You had a mission to perform & more importantly, you could not fail. And you would not if you solely focused on your task. It could not be that hard, right? You had done something similar multiple times before. It should be an easy one for you. But it was not. And the main reason was Steve. It was wrong of you to put the blame on him but how could you not if you literally had to pretend to be his fiancée? It felt like a secret wish you did not dare to voice. And yet he was here right in front of you, in the same room. A place you were supposed to share for the next few days. And you somehow had to play it cool. There was only one outcome. Burying your feelings deep down in order to not jeopardize the mission or your team. No matter how much your heart protested.

“(Y/N)?” you heard Steve’s voice as you were stepping out of the shower. Only a towel was covering your still wet body but you feared that, if you did not open the door right away, you were in danger somehow. That was your mind’s conclusion. Which really did not make any sense if you gave it a second thought. You opened the door a crack, risking a glance outside & eased when you only saw Steve on the other end. It was a natural reaction for you to push the door open wider. But you kind of forgot that you were not wearing any clothes except for that poor excuse of a hotel towel which was way too small for your liking. Steve’s eyes widened & he could not stop from letting them flicker up & down your body. You squirmed under his stare, arms coming to cross over your chest in order to keep the fabric in place. A few moments of awkward silence ticked by & you wanted it to end. So you coughed & gained his attention once more. His eyes were locking with yours & while you usually lost yourself in them, you were way more comfortable than having him eyeing your every part in great detail.

“You needed anything?” you stuttered out, hoping your voice did not sound all too weak but even to yourself, you were aware that you were failing.

“Um, yeah…” his cheeks turned rosy. One of his hands came up to scratch the back of his neck. “But I probably should’ve waited a couple minutes longer.” he should have but it was too late now anyway.

“If it’s nothing too important then I’ll go get dressed real quick, alright? I’ll take like two minutes.” you attempted an honest smile but it was underlined with a hint of embarrassment that was definitely detectable. Steve simply nodded, stepping back a bit so you could close the door once more. Your back rested against the wooden surface & you quietly sighed out with closed eyes. That was not what you expected. Fingers crossed nothing between you two would turn awkward from now on. But then again, he was your best friend & it was not like you were completely naked. Just barely dressed but covered enough so he did not see anything. You would be just fine.

With a decent outfit & regained confidence, you exited the bathroom & found Steve sitting at the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands where he shifted a small package between his fingers. His head snapped up when he heard your footsteps. You two exchanged a smile & it was then when you knew that your shamefaced encounter would not change the bond you shared. It was as if everything was the same old. And it was probably for the better.

“Was that why you needed something from me?” you gestured to the little box & Steve was brought back to reality. Right, there was a reason why he wanted to talk to you in the first place.

“Tony gave it to me right before we left.” he stood up & approached you with long steps. “Said it’d be more believable if you wore one.” Steve stretched out his hand so you could take the black package from him. With curious eyes & delicate fingers, you took it from him. Your eyebrows raised as your eyes met his but he only shrugged at you without giving you an actual explanation. Carefully, you uncapped the box & were shocked when you noticed the small, sparkling ring inside. The colors of the rainbow reflected in the diamond adorning the silver jewelry. It looked way too expensive for it to be a fake one.

“Tony wants me to wear an engagement ring?” you asked even though it was more than obvious. Maybe you just needed reassurance.

“Makes it more believable.” Steve repeated.

“It probably cost more than what I’ll earn in a lifetime.” you chuckled & closed the lid again.

“So you’re not gonna wear it?” he questioned cautiously. For a flicker, he turned insecure because maybe the reason why you refused to wear it was because you did not want people to believe he was your fiancé.

“Of course I’m gonna wear it! It’s stunning. Just…” you paused briefly & bit your bottom lip to contemplate your next words. “It’s expensive. I can’t risk losing it. I’ll put it on whenever we’re outta this room, though. I won’t be the one blowing our cover.” you assured & laughed because you were indirectly blaming Sam or Bucky to mess up. Steve silently agreed with you but did not say anything else as you situated the ring on the nightstand right next to the large bed. It was late, the moon already doing its job with providing a pleasant light that shone through the blinds & illuminated the gloomy suite. For tomorrow’s mission, you needed to be well-rested to fully function.

Steve insisted that you should occupy the bed on your own. He would be perfectly fine on the couch. The cushions of it were incredibly soft, Tony had paid a fortune after all, you still felt poorly for sleeping in the bed alone. Tomorrow would most likely bring him back pain. He was not the youngest soul, after all. Not that you would ever tell him. It was not meant as offending, though. If you were the one on the couch, your back would kill you as well. But you were too much of a coward to suggest that there was enough space for two people. That & you were scared that he did not even want to share in the first place. That could be an intelligible possibility. Your overthinking consumed quite a bit of time because when you heard Steve’s soft & even breaths, you knew that you were too late already. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe you could gain enough courage to ask him tomorrow. Why were you even so eager to have him beside you? What kind of question was that? You were very well aware why. The conversation you held with yourself in your mind came to an abrupt stop as exhaustion overcame & lulled you into a dreamless night.

Constant knocking stirred you awake. You groaned into your pillow because you were still tired but someone decided to shorten your rest. Assuming Steve was already up, you peeked over the blankets covering your body. You were right, he was opening the door. Appearing like he had not just got out of bed. Or off of the couch, in his case. Steve tried to be as quiet as possible, thinking that you were still passed out on the bed.

“G’morning.” you mumbled out & wiped your eyes with the back of your hands. Steve smiled at you. Right now, you looked cute. Pissed off because it was too early but that did not matter when you were all wrapped up in the blankets.

“Coffee?” he suggested & you immediately got into a sitting position at the mention of it. He had his answer then.

“Wait. What is this?” you gestured to the serving trolley Steve was pushing over to the bed. It was obvious what it was but you were bewildered because you did not expect him to order breakfast.

“Tony took our undercover mission very serious.” he shrugged, leaving the food next to you & wanting to grab a few things to eat by the table.

“No.” you shook your head & halted his movements. “I mean, come on. When was the last time you had breakfast in bed?” you patted the spot next to you. Steve paused for a second but after a short while of contemplation, he agreed & got seated on the mattress. Breakfast in bed. That itself would have been amazing but with Steve? It was almost as if a dream of yours got fulfilled. You needed to stop thinking that way. Undercover missions meant faking, pretending. Why were you struggling so much this time?

“I look like a bitch.” you commented once you got into your undercover outfit. Sam & Bucky were already in your suite & they complained about what a poor excuse their room was compared to yours.

“So what’s different?” Sam joked & earned a slap from you.

“First of all, if we don’t wear what Tony prepared for us, people will notice. And (Y/N)? You don’t look like a bitch, you’re good.” Steve commented & even though his words were not necessarily cute, they still did things to you.

“Woah, Steve. Nice ring you picked out there, pal.” Bucky spotted the diamond on your finger & could not help himself but tease you two about it.

“Could we all just focus on the mission?” funny thing that you were the one saying that. Considering that you probably struggled the most out of the four of you.

“Okay, got it. (Y/N) doesn’t look like a bitch but she acts like one.” Sam smirked & started sprinting through the suite when you took off to catch him. Steve & Bucky shook their heads & chuckled at your childish behavior. None of this was new, though. Things usually went that way when you were sent on a mission together.

“The signal comes from the back of this shop.” Steve whispered, all of you trying to stay undetected for the time being so you could discuss the plan further.

“It’s a pastry shop?” you pointed out & suddenly, three men were rolling their eyes at you. “What?”

“You expected something that sold knives?” Sam teased.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” you whisper-yelled.

“Sam, Bucky. You two enter the back while (Y/N) & I distract the guy.” Steve described your plan once more & you all nodded, each understanding their task. While you did not exactly know what you would do to grab the clerk’s attention, you were certain that you could think of something. Improvising was something you were skilled at, you simply hoped that Steve would not stand in the way.

“Welcome! What can I help y’all with?” the almost sweet voice of the man behind the counter was not what you would expect when you looked him up & down. At the same time, he really appeared out of place in a shop like that.

“Yes!” your enthusiasm, well fake-enthusiasm, was more than obvious & you wrapped your arms around Steve’s torso to get into character. “My fiancé & I are looking for some pies for our upcoming wedding.” Steve let you do the talking, his only response being a nod, underlined with a genuine smile.

“Ah, young love.” the guy clicked his tongue & shook his head slightly. “We have a variety of our best wedding cakes right here.” he pointed to a selection behind a class cabinet.

“No, no, no.” you contradicted. “We’d love to have pie at our wedding. I saw you have some delicious looking options over there.” you gestured to the other side of the shop.

“Pie at a wedding? Isn’t that a little unconventional?” the seller raised his eyebrows, seemingly suspicious & it looked like Steve noticed that as well.

“I think we’ll do fine with cak-“ but before he had the chance to finish, you nudged him with your elbow & shot him a look. “I’m sure your cake is great but pie reflects us better.” Steve corrected himself quickly once he realized what you were planning to do.

“Alrighty, then please follow me over there.” the place behind the counter was now free so Sam & Bucky had a clear path to enter. “Any preferences?”

“Anything, really.” you encouraged the man who opened the showcase. He was so busy with his task, Sam & Bucky had it easy to break in. The corners of your eyes spotted their figures. Now they just needed more time to successfully get the information you all needed.

“Can I ask y’all something?” the clerk spoke up after handing you yet another sample of pie. Truthfully, it was a dream come true. Spending time with Steve while eating pie after pie? If only you did not have to pretend. Did you pretend? Or did you fake to pretend? Your brain did not make sense anymore.

“Go for it.” Steve encouraged.

“You’re the first couple to ask for pie samples. What’s up with that?” the man asked curiously, no longer looking at you like you were suspicious but genuinely interested.

“Well.” Steve chuckled & you could not help but let your gaze flicker up to his face. “We are a very unusual couple. Pie at a wedding is unusual. It’s perfect.” while he spoke those last words, his eyes locked with yours & you could have sworn that time halted right then & there. But you had to snap out of it. For the sake of this mission. A look over the shop owner’s shoulder confirmed that you did not have to pretend too much longer. Sam & Bucky were already on their way out again, turning their heads in your direction to silently confirm that they were done. Successful? That you could not tell just yet.

A few minutes & another pie later, you looked at your watch on your wrist & gasped exaggeratingly.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Steve asked & you almost gasped again, though this time, it would have been for an entirely different reason.

“Um, it’s late, we need to head to the thing.” you were doing so well & now, at the end, you managed to slip.

“The thing?” Steve inquired & by the look on your face he could tell that you were overwhelmed & could not think of a proper excuse. “Oh, the fitting.” he quickly added, hoping nobody would ask which kind of fitting. Seemed like you two were lucky today.

“In that case…I’ll let y’all go. Do you want me to put the rest of the samples in a box for you to take home? That way you have more time to figure out which one to choose.” he reasoned & Steve & you nodded gratefully. Behind the counter, he worked quickly & handed you a paper bag in no time.

“Thanks, man. We’ll get back to you.” Steve waved, putting an arm over your shoulder as you exited the shop. The moment you were out, you could finally breathe again. Missions made you extremely nervous. Undercover missions such as this one, actually. During the others you were perfectly fine.

“Thanks for helping me out back in there.” you chuckled once you were out of sight.

“Pie? Really? Wouldn’t have surprised me if he just saw through us right away.” Steve said with a smile on his face. Good, so he was not mad at you.

“In my defense…The pies were at the other end of the shop so I helped Sam & Bucky.” you finished your sentence but it sounded as if you wanted to add something.

“And you love pie?” Steve did not even have to ask, he knew you well enough.

“And I love pie.” you repeated & laughed. Steve still had not let go of you, hugging you to the side of his body. You did not seem to mind so he kept continuing to hold you close.

Steve placed the paper bag on the small table right in the entrance area. Immediately, you went to the bathroom to rid yourself of that stupid outfit you had to wear & threw on something more comfortable. Once you exited, Sam was already in your suite. The four of you decided to have the meeting in your room because it was bigger & the others kind of wanted to move in with you.

“What’s in there?” Sam asked, pointing to the brown paper bag.

“Pie.” you simply answered without much thought. Sam hummed but did not say anything else. Steve & you were in the living room area, waiting for Bucky to show up so you could start discussing more about this mission. Specifically what they found out during their inspection. The creak of the door gained your attention & you looked up only to find Bucky entering. Your gaze then flickered to Sam who was hiding behind the door, pie in one hand, his free hand came to his mouth, telling you to be quiet. It all happened too fast, Bucky was in Sam’s sight & in an instant, there was a pie right in the super soldier’s face. Steve came right in time to watch the scene, his previous intention to greet his best friend completely forgotten now.

“Sam.” Bucky growled, way too quiet for your liking. But you could not focus on his warning right now. You glanced over your shoulder & noticed Steve’s almost sad expression. The only one who could not control his laughter was Sam. He was practically on the floor because he was laughing so hard. The only emotion running through you was anger.

“I. WANTED. TO. EAT. THAT.” you were seething & all three men turned their heads at your tone.

“Sorry?” Sam tried but you were having none of it.

“NO YOU’RE NOT!” you pretty much yelled.

“I’m gonna kill you.” Bucky whispered & Sam took that as his cue to run away, through that labyrinth of your suite. Bucky sprinted after him, leaving Steve to shake his head at their childish behavior.

“(Y/N)?” Steve’s voice was soft & yet it did nothing to calm you down. You really did love pie & you had been excited to eat the rest of it in bed tonight ever since you left that shop.

“WHAT?” you snapped back, only now realizing that it was not Steve’s fault. “I’m sorry.” you added almost inaudible.

“It’s fine.” he raised his eyebrows & opened his arms. You were not sure why but Steve wanted to hug you & you never declined one of his hugs. So you fell into his embrace, both of you silently knowing that this action was not because of a stupid pie. Though you had to admit that you were mad at Sam that you could not eat the rest anymore. This hug held a deeper meaning & for a few seconds, you let yourself enjoy it. Until a loud screech from the other room snapped you back into the present. Steve & you parted unwillingly. You had to, before Sam & Bucky ended up killing each other.

The four of you sat around the coffee table, you occupying the floor while the others each took a seat on the oversized couch. A pout was still very much present on your face. Yes, you were mad at Sam but you had other things, more important things, to deal with right now. Revenge could come later.

“So?” Steve was the one to speak up after nobody else made a move to do so.

“Sam & I managed to break in.” Bucky casually said as if you did not see that to begin with. That was the plan after all.

“But?” your tone was still harsh but you tried your hardest to push that aside.

“We couldn’t hack the system.” Sam finished. “That’s your specialty.”

“Okay, wait.” you closed your eyes briefly. “You wanna tell me that it took you what felt like an eternity to check out the back room only to sit here now & tell us that you couldn’t get the information?” you concluded with a loud sigh.

“In our defense…We know that we’re definitely looking at the right place.” Bucky commented, careful to not anger you any further.

“So what do you suggest?” Steve asked the two men.

“We’ll go there again tonight. All of us. (Y/N) here hacks the system & we’ll see what we can do after that.” Sam established the new plan & you nodded in understanding.

“I still hate you for wasting the pie on Bucky.” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Sam chuckled though you knew he was not planning on keeping his promise.

“Alright, please go back to your room before I do something I might regret later.” you motioned for Sam & Bucky to leave & they did after arranging a time to meet again.

Since you had the brains in this group, it was an easy one for you to deactivate the security cameras without being seen. After that, you went on to the alarm system & turned it off as well. Which meant that you were free to go. It was the dead of the night, nobody was around. You could enter without a single soul watching you. Steve pushed his body weight against the back door. Once, twice. Until it opened.

“You do know that I could’ve picked the lock, right?” your voice made him spin around. It looked like he only now thought of that but he brushed it off, pretending that this was his plan & it worked out the way he wanted to. The room appeared rather normal. Nothing that caught your eye, nothing that was out of place. An office like you had seen multiple times. The computer was turned off so you changed that real quick, waiting for the screens to light up.

“Earlier today, it wasn’t protected by a password.” Sam furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah, dumbass. Because the computer was on already. Give me a second.” you opened various drawers to look for a sign as to what the password could possibly be. The others let you do your work, not daring to speak up to interrupt you. “There we go.” you found a small paper in between some notebooks. Not necessarily the safest place to keep secret things but you would not judge. The home screen showed up. Again, nothing special. Simply a picture of flowers. Weird for the guy who worked here but that was none of your concerns.

“And?” Steve broke the silence.

“There are some decrypted files…” you mumbled, sitting down on the office chair. This would take a bit longer, you assumed.

“Can you get access?” another question from Steve. At least the children were quiet for now.

“Of course I can.” you smiled triumphantly. “Give me a few minutes, though.” you were so focused on the screen, you did not see the others nodding. It was tough, you were not going to lie, but it was you who hacked into the system. You never failed with that.

“Huh.” you breathed out. Truthfully, you were overwhelmed with all the information you were receiving with one look only. Steve, Sam & Bucky each took a place behind you, staring at the screen curiously. “Guys? That’s…scary.” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“What is this?” Bucky mumbled quietly but since it was so silent in this room, everyone heard. This was way bigger than you initially thought. Once you made it back to your hotel, you needed to call Tony.

“(Y/N).” Steve shoved you away gently, taking the mouse in his hand to enlarge what caught his attention. You had to gulp at what you saw. What the hell were you doing on there? Steve’s muscles tensed, you could tell by one single look at him. It took a few deep breaths from your side until you started the process of transferring the information on your little flash drive. ”(Y/N).” Steve tried again, this time a bit louder.

“Yeah, I know.” you answered, ignoring your fast beating heart as much as it was possible. “I got everything, let’s head back.” it was clear that you wanted to leave this place behind & you were the first who made it out into the cool night air. Breathing worked easier out here.

“Hey, Tony.” by now, you were back in your hotel room, picking up your phone to call Tony once Steve went into the bathroom.

“(Y/N)! Successful?” he asked, already thinking that you finished this mission & started heading home.

“Not yet. Seems like this is bigger than we thought…” you trailed off at the end, not really wanting to explain what you found out.

“Bigger how? (Y/L/N), come on.” Tony urged & heard you sigh over the phone.

“It was at the back of the shop, that was correct. I hacked into the system & …it looks like it’s some sort of website where people can pay beforehand, assigning criminals for certain acts. It’s huge, Tony. Tons of people have an account & there are so many new assignments every minute…I’ll send you the data in a second, okay? We’ll check out the coordinates we found tomorrow. We think it could lead us to a very important member of this website. And maybe the guy from the shop has something to do with it, though I’m not sure which part he plays in all of that.” you left out a very significant detail & hoped he would not ask more questions.

“There’s something else.” he stated, knowing you better even though he could not read your body language like he usually did.

“That’s all. I promise we’ll finish this missi-“ your phone was taken from you but before you could complain about it, Steve continued the call with Tony.

“Someone instructed to eliminate (Y/N) because, & I quote, “She’s too pretty to be part of the Avengers”. That assignment was where we got the coordinates from. Means the guy from the shop probably manages all of that but he isn’t the one we’re looking for.” silence enveloped you two & you figured that Tony was talking on the other end. “Yeah, sure. That’s the top priority. We’ll work on that & you start looking into the website.” Steve ended the call & threw your phone on the mattress next to where you were sitting.

“What the hell, Steve?” you were furious because he acted differently. And not in a good way. The only response from him was a cold look. He then moved out to the balcony that was attached to your suite. It was unusual for him to be so distanced, especially when it came to you. And you were hesitant to follow him. Considering his body language, he was mad at you. Why? You had no idea. Did you do anything to piss him off? Your gaze fell to your hands in your lap. The diamond on your ring finger sparkled beautifully. You recalled how it felt to be next to Steve, in that small pastry shop where you ate pie after pie to pick the perfect one for your wedding. This was something that could never be. It was all pretending but why did it feel so real to you? Steve probably was not struggling as much as you were & you hated yourself for it.

A hand on his shoulder startled him. Steve eased when he found you standing next to him. The sun would begin rising soon but the both of you were not tired at all. Though the reasons were different. Steve’s mind was still occupied with the information that there was someone out there who paid an awful lot of money to have you eliminated. You, on the other hand, struggled with keeping your feelings buried. Your hands held onto the railing. The movement made Steve look down where the engagement ring was still adorning your hand. You had not taken it off yet. In fact, he only realized that now, you even wore it during your mission of breaking into the shop. Sam & Bucky did not comment on it & to Steve, it was almost…normal. But you did say you would not keep it on you unless you were outside, pretending to be engaged to him.

“What did I do?” your voice interrupted his racing thoughts.

“What?” Steve was confused that you believed you did something wrong.

“Ever since we got outta that shop, you’ve been distant & cold. Was it something I did?” you kept looking straight forward, not wanting to hold eye contact because you feared the worst. That you managed to mess up somehow & Steve was angry at you.

“You didn’t do anything.” his body faced yours & you could practically feel his eyes on you. His intense stare made your breath hitch up.

“You sure about that?” finally, you turned around. Your bodies were almost touching, you underestimated the distance between you two.

“You act as if you don’t care.” his statement had you furrow your eyebrows. He rolled his eyes but continued anyway. “Someone paid a huge amount of money. To have you killed. And here you are, pretending that it doesn’t matter. It’s something you’re really good at, huh? Pretending.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” your voice raised slightly but you still wanted to keep it down, you were outside, everyone could hear your conversation.

“See? You’re doing it again.” Steve called you out. “We found that piece of information by accident.”

“I’m aware.” you arms went to hug yourself. A distraction that barely did its job.

“So your life means nothing to you.” his words were harsh. And if you were honest, they hurt. A lot.

“I never said that.” you hated how your voice wavered. How you could not appear to be the strong woman right now.

“You act like it, though.” with each word he said, your heart broke a little more. If only he knew. “I understand. This whole pretending thing is something you’re good at. This mission showed that much. But this is real, (Y/N). So, for a second, stop pretending & act like you care!”

“STOP!” you yelled out of breath. Instinctively, Steve took a step back, eyes wide by your sudden outburst. “Just stop.” this time, you spoke it much softer. Your gaze flickered to the ground, head hanging low.

“I’m sorr-“ Steve was interrupted.

“I said stop.” you repeated. “Steve, we’re on a mission. We’re supposed to put a stop to this shit. None of this has anything to do with me pretending to be your fiancée or me pretending that I don’t give a damn about my life.”

“Are you sure about that?” he emphasized. One hand went to the diamond on your finger & slipped it off. You made a fist around it, though it was not with a lot of pressure. You did not intend to damage the ring.

“I might be good at pretending but I’m no professional.” you admitted. Steve grew more & more confused. He did not know you were talking about the fact that you were not pretending to be engaged to him. To you, it felt natural, it felt good. Right now, though, you did pretend that none of this faced you. But Steve could not tell the difference.

“Can I be honest with you?” he waited until your eyes met his.

“Go ahead.” you waved your hand for him to continue.

“I was cold towards you because once we found out about that, you didn’t say anything about it. And I can’t believe that you just don’t care about it. About your life. I can’t. You don’t have to pretend when you’re with me, you know that. We’re not engaged right now. No undercover mission. You & me. So please be honest with me.” he took your hands into his & you did not flinch back. The touch grounded you but it was no lie that you were having a hard time to be completely honest with him.

“Why do you care so much?” maybe not the smartest thing to ask. Steve’s reaction was proof enough. He let go of your hands, turned his back towards you & let out a breathless laugh. His hands raised to his hair, messing it up in the slightest. Seconds ticked by but it felt like hours until he spun around once more.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” it seemed like that confession made the both of you stop dead in your tracks. It was not the first time Steve said those words but his tone differed from the previous ones. Still, chances were high he addressed your friendship with that. Because you were friends. Simple friends. “Say something.” he grew desperate when you did not reply.

“I-I don’t know what you want me to say. That I love you, too? You know that, Steve.” your words were steady, calculated. It was too soon to get your hopes up.

“How far do I have to go for you to realize that I want you?” he approached you, hesitancy in his steps. “Didn’t it feel natural to you when we acted like a couple? Because, I can’t keep that up anymore, I can’t. Tell me you don’t feel the same & I’ll back off. We can forget this right now, we don’t have to talk about it anymore. But if you-“ his speech was cute but you had to be close to him now that he finally confessed that there was more between you two. You cupped his cheeks & pulled him in to kiss him. Steve was shocked at first but it did not take him too long until his hands rested on your waist, tightening his grip on you. After parting, Steve kept his forehead against yours. Both of you had your eyes closed, breathing the same air. You imagined this exact moment more than once. But never before had it played out like that. Not that you were complaining, your feelings were finally out there.

“You were wrong, you know?” as much as you enjoyed the silence, there was still something you wanted him to know.

“Wrong about what?” he opened his eyes to look at every feature of you. Because it was no longer forbidden, he was allowed to do that now.

“I didn’t pretend while we were in the shop pie tasting.” you admitted, a small smile playing at the corner of your lips. “I faked pretending, if that makes sense…But, after I saw the bounty on my head, I started pretending.” he nodded at you, squeezing your waist once to encourage you to keep talking. “Steve? I’m scared.”

“It’s okay.” Steve’s arms went around your shoulders, pulling you close once again. His chin on your head. If only that could dispose of all of your worries. The only thing he could do was letting you hold onto him.

Steve did not sleep on the couch that night. Not because he did not want to but because you insisted to have him close. It was not the first time you two shared a bed. Sometimes, when missions did not allow you anything else, you ended up next to each other. Tonight felt different, better. Because there was no longer a weight on your heart. Were you two in a relationship already? Maybe you had been for some time but the two of you were too oblivious to notice. There was enough time to label whatever this was as soon as this mission was over. Your focus should solely be on this mission. Tons of lives depended on it. Yours included.

“You’re stubborn. Do you know that?” the next morning came sooner than you would have liked. No time for cuddling in bed, no time for breakfast. Two hours of sleep was all you got. But you had never felt this rested in your entire life. The reason was a certain super soldier. Not that you would ever admit that.

“Would I have chickened out if I didn’t know they were after me? No. I can handle myself.” Steve suggested for you to stay behind because they were looking for you. It could bring on unnecessary danger & he obviously needed you to be safe.

“But we know now.” Steve tried reasoning but it was useless, you already made your decision.

“Right. So it’s time to put a stop to it. Come on, Sam & Bucky are waiting for us.” you were out of the door before Steve found enough time to argue with you.

The drive to the coordinates was tense. Not even the kids in the back were joking around. Possibly because this mission turned into something way more hazardous. The situation between Steve & you was the same. Hence why nobody commented on it. After all, you pretty much confessed before there was an actual confession. Therefore, it was the same old. The only difference was your gut feeling that did not give you a hard time anymore. That was not entirely true. You had a bad gut feeling but for another reason.

“That’s the house?” you gestured to the building after the car came to a stop.

“This is it.” Steve confirmed.

“I don’t know why I expected some sort of villa.” Bucky commented while glancing out of the window.

“Maybe that would be too obvious. I mean, we do know that they receive the money beforehand, right? And I’m sure that the order to eliminate me wasn’t his first one.” you spotted Steve tensing up when you talked about that assignment. Your hand squeezed his shoulder & you hoped that your smile was convincing enough. You were alright & you would be after this mission. With Steve, Sam & Bucky on your side, you had nothing to fear. If push came to shove, they would go out of their ways to keep you safe.

“Steve?” Sam spoke up. “You know we need him alive, right?”

“Of course.” Steve nodded though his mind was contemplating going further than that. Unfortunately, you still had to figure out who was the one to assign this to the criminal. Tony was onto that, checking if there was more to find out about that anonymous account who paid the money. “A few punches won’t kill him.”

It was the break of dawn & the neighborhood was completely empty. The silence inside the car was interrupted by Steve’s sign to make a move. All of you stayed close together, you were not about to make the same mistake people did in horror movies. Besides, you felt safer with them around. A noise made you spin around. It was coming from down the hallway. Steve took the lead, you right behind him. Sam & Bucky trailing behind after you. A gun was clutched in your hand but you were not intending to use it today. Hopefully there was no need to. Steve shot you a look over his shoulder, silently telling you to be prepared. When he pushed the door open with his body weight this time, you did not tease him about it like you did when you broke into the back of the pastry shop the other night. The sight you were met with was…unexpected. There was a man sitting behind his computer. The room smelled like drugs. A mixture of multiple things you could not identify & did not even want to.

“Woah, you’re the Avengers.” he slurred his words. So he was drunk as well. “Hey, I’m supposed to kill you.” he pointed at your figure & instinctively, Steve stepped in front of you. Shielding your body with his.

“You sure that’s our guy?” Sam leaned closer to you & whispered. Your shoulders shrugged & you pointed over to the desk where a name tag was proudly displayed. Seemed like he was not the smartest guy if he used the same name for his account on that website. Your heartrate slowed down because you knew you were not in danger. Not right now. Steve approached the man, coming to a halt mere inches away from him. His hand balled into a fist & after one punch in the guy’s face, he was on the floor, unconscious.

“Huh.” you breathed out. “That was almost too easy.”

“Yeah, if we forget about the website where thousands of people assign offenders every single day.” Bucky was right, of course. You stumbled across something way bigger. Hopefully Tony had good news once you returned.

The police was called. They inspected the room & that guy really was everything but intelligent. He horded a file full of his assignments. He would not see the sunlight again, that much was sure. Steve & you waited outside, leaning on the hood of the car. Sam & Bucky were busy talking to the officers.

“Hey.” you started & nudged Steve with your elbow. “Is it appropriate to thank that asshole?”

“What for? For wanting to kill you?” he answered with furrowed eyebrows.

“No.” you chuckled. “But…if it were not for him, we wouldn’t have confessed.”

“There was a possibility that he was dangerous. Maybe we just caught him at a bad time.” Steve mumbled the last part.

“Let’s not worry about that, alright? I’m fine. See?” you gestured to your body, a big smile adorning your features.

“I know.” he nodded but it was obvious that he was still careful about this entire situation.

“I love you.” that seemed to do the job. His eyes met yours, his expression less tense & softer.

“I know that, too.” he smirked when you playfully slapped his chest.

“Steve, you ruined a very roman-“ his lips were on yours before you could finish your complaint. Steve was aware what he was doing, because he smiled into the kiss which caused you to giggle.

“I love you, too.” his lips still ghosted over yours. You could feel as his words left them. “Romantic enough?”

“I’m sure you can do better.” you pulled away & winked at him, moving away to join Sam & Bucky. Steve’s eyes followed your body & he shook his head at you. Yes, he did love you. A lot. And he was already planning how to make his next move even more romantic.

Published (05/18/2021) by Cathy

✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨

Tags: @zestyemby, @captainxholmes, @met4no1a, @bibliophilewednesday, @weareironmanbitches, @n3ssm0nique, @2bornot2b, @iaalien, @bibliophilewednesday (thanks for your support <3)

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squiggledrop · 3 years

Text

I’m Sorry - Spencer Reid x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Reid gets shot on a case and is in the hospital. But him and Reader have so much left they want to do. So, living on borrowed time, Reader does all they can do.

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Allusions to death, hospitals, references to major injuries, mentions of a god

Note: Could be read as a part 2 to Your Other Half, but doesn’t have to be. But you should go read that if you haven’t👀👀. Also, the italics are “Spencer”, but are kind of up for interpretation. Also, I’m like ✨struggling✨ so I just kind of wrote this and figured I’d share, but I promise I’ll have some actual fics soon. Also, just saying this so it’s said, but, this is literally just me ranting and believe whatever you want to believe because it is 100% valid and should always be respected. Last thing, title should be read in John Mulaney’s voice because every time I read it that’s all I can hear in my head, so I think you should too. “I’m SoOOoRy”

“Hey Spence.” Your hushed voice broke through the unbearable silence in the room, only mediated by the monotonous beeping of the countless machines hooked up to Spencer.

“We’re in the hospital right now. You had surgery and they were able to fix the bullet wound. But, the doctor said that your injury caused swelling in your brain, and if it doesn’t stop soon, there won’t be much they can do.” Your breathing stuttered as you blinked back tears. “So, I’m going to need you to try and stop it okay?”

You gripped his hand in yours, resting it against your forehead as tears poured down your cheek.

“We always knew you had a big, genius brain. I guess we just never thought about what would happen when it got a little too big.” You let out a slight laugh through your nose, blinking away the tears in your eyes. “I always knew you were too amazing to be bound by something so nominal as a human body. Normally, every room you occupy is consumed by your warmth and filled with your laughter.” You forced a weak smile as his comforting laugh replayed in your mind. With a sigh, you looked around the sterile room. The fluorescent lights were too bright. They would give Spencer a headache.

“But not this one,” you choked out, turning back towards his unconscious form. “I miss your beautiful smile and gentle eyes because, right now, you feel so small. Your hand is in mine, but it just doesn’t feel right.” You cautiously stroked the back of his hand, examining the foreign feeling. “It’s too bony and fragile. Your hands are normally soft and warm, but right now they’re just so cold.” You placed a kiss on the middle of his palm before resting your cheek in it. The chilling of his hand burned your inflamed cheeks.

“I asked the nurse to get you another blanket because I know how much you hate the cold. She gave me that look we give victims' families when we have to tell them their loved one is dead,” you scoffed. “Sometimes it really sucks to always know what people are thinking.” You tried to calm yourself down, rolling your lips between your teeth, but it was no use.

“I really need you to hang on okay, baby? I hope you aren't in any pain, but I need you to hang on.” Despite your best efforts, desperation bled through every word you spoke. “I-I know it’s selfish, but I can't do this without you Spence.” With every second that past your throat constricted even more. “I know it’s selfish, but I need you. God, Spence, please come back to me,” you cried.

I always found that to be such an interesting term: “praying to a god you don’t believe in”. You closed your eyes, relishing in the sound of his voice. You knew it wasn’t real, but for now, it was good enough. It is used in literature and in modern music so often, and rightly so, but is never given the weight it truly possesses. Despite everything you know, all of the scientific explanations you have that can explain the world around you, when you are that desperate, you throw it all out the window in a split second. You don’t believe in a god. Yet, when faced with a difficult situation, and you have nothing else to hold onto, you immediately pray to something that you know holds no validity.

“Because it’s all I can do.”

You are so desperate and helpless to the extent that you are praying to something that you know logically is not real, yet with every fiber of your being you are praying for its help.

“Isn’t it just human nature?”

Well, some may say it’s humanizing. I would disagree. I think it is the least human thing you can do. It’s human nature to be curious and want explanations for the phenomena around you. That’s why, out of all species on earth, humans are the most advanced. They are the only species to change their environment to fit their needs. They have no natural predators, despite having absolutely no defense mechanisms. They have survived and evolved based on their thirst for knowledge and answers. But, when faced with some of the toughest situations in life, yet some of the most natural, they disregard everything they know to be true, and blindly beg for the help of some mythological deity.

Death is a natural progression of life. We know how and why it happens, and we have formulas and data to predict when it will come.

“But when it’s someone you know, someone you love, despite knowing everyone’s time will one day come, you can’t help but to beg for it not to be the case,” you pointed out.

You ask something you don’t believe in, something you know to not be true, to change the inevitable. You ask something you don’t believe in to change precedent. You ask for some miracle, that you already know the minuscule probability of.

“Is it avoidance?”, you genuinely asked out loud, missing the way Spencer was always there with an answer for everything.

Well, you know the science and statistics behind it. You know the odds are not in your favor. So, rather than acknowledge that and live with the truth, you abandon everything you hold to be true, and instead conjure some faith in a god you know isn’t there. I mean, is it better to have blind hope or just accept the facts?

“Isn’t there something to be said for being optimistic?” you countered.

Of course. One of the amazing laws of our natural world is that nothing is impossible. Sure, if you keep shoving your hand at the wall enough times, statistically speaking, eventually your hand will have the exact orientation to go between all the atoms perfectly, and your hand will go through the wall. But, if I were to ask you to believe that I could do it, would you?

“No,” you replied.

Of course not. Because it’s illogical. So then, why is your immediate reaction to devastating information to refuse it and do something illogical?

“Is it to feel useful?”

You know the statistics. Realistically, you know there is nothing you can do to change the outcome. But, it is human nature to try and come up with solutions to our problems. After having exhausted all other possibilities and coming up empty, you persist. You don’t give up. Even if you know it’s nonsensical, you still need to feel as though you are trying. But that’s the operative part: feel as though. Is it human inclination to want to try and solve the problem and contribute positively to the situation? Or is it a selfish need to not feel powerless?

“There is nothing worse than feeling as though you have no control. When everything you love has been taken from you, and you are desperate for any solution to your problem, it makes sense that one would try all their options, no matter how unlikely, because you still have to at least try.”

But, it’s important to remember that no matter how many times you shove your hand at the wall, you will always end up hurt before it goes through. You let out a small smile, pondering his words.

“Is it a reminder, that despite how much we claim to know and understand about the universe, that we know practically nothing?”

Ah, therein lies the beauty of science. Every time a question is answered, it introduces a plethora of others to be figured out. Despite knowing the facts, you are reminded about how much you do not know. There is so much uncertainty in everyday life, and no matter how much you may try, life does not take place in a laboratory. You cannot control for all the confounding variables life has to offer. You don’t get to test your hypothesis over and over, tweaking your experiment as you go. You are granted one life. You must use it to its fullest extent.

“Did you?” you abruptly asked.

I wouldn’t have changed anything, because it brought me to you. And you are my greatest accomplishment. You nodded your head, wiping away the tears that pooled in your eyes.

“Look, I may not believe in this supposed god I’m praying to. But, if she actually is out there, what’s the harm in praying she lets my hand make it through the wall? The worst that could happen is she doesn’t listen and I end up with a few bruises and a broken bone. Because, in the grand scheme, what’s a broken bone compared to your life?” There was silence, and you didn’t feel like waiting for a response.

“You are the kindest, gentlest, most generous person I know. Everyone has been through so much. I-it’s too soon. That's how I know there isn’t a god, because she wouldn’t be this cruel. She wouldn’t take you from us too.” In your mind, all of the losses you two had suffered over the years replayed. All of the lost lives, lost friends. “I always tried so hard to be strong for you. I tried to be there, and for the most part I was. I held you in my arms. I kissed the top of your head. I let you know you are so loved, that I was there and I would never let go, because that’s what you do for the ones you love-

I know

“-but for every ounce of strength I gave, I lost a part of me. I still remember the day it happened. I remember the day we said goodbye, and I remember the endless months of hurt. But, what are you supposed to do when someone loses someone like that?”

Well, you hold them in your arms and let them know they are loved.

“But I can’t do it again,” you practically shouted. “I can’t,” you gasped.

I know

“I can’t go through that again-”

I know

“-my arms are too tired and weak-”

I know

“-my eyes have lost enough tears-”

I know

“I-I can’t be strong for anyone anymore.”

I know baby, I’m sorry

You let your head collapse in front of you, hugging Spencer’s limp arm into your chest.

“It’s not fair,” you murmur between broken sobs. “I need someone to hold me-”

I know

“-and I need someone to tell me it’s okay, because I know it’s not. Nothing about this is okay.”

I know

“God, would you just shut up? Just for once Spencer!” Your breathing heaved as you lifted your head, looking down at the lifeless body in front of you. “I know you know, okay? I know you know everything.” Your own voice bounced around the room, ringing in your ears. “You can claim that you have a formula for any problem, and sure, you can rattle off any statistic. But, for the love of god Spencer, don’t forget, mathematics was invented,” you spat. “It is a made up world that people use to quantify the incomprehensible. It’s a tool that was made to try and make sense of the chaotic world that surrounds us.” The volume of your voice shattered, and you broke down again, cursing yourself for screaming at your unconscious husband.

But, you heard his soft, knowing voice that you missed so much, try as we might, the law of entropy prevails, and with every negative delta g we descended further and further into disorder. One variable that does not have a differential equation to solve is emotions. That’s what makes us different. We care for one another. That is human nature. We try to help those in need and even if we can never fully understand the working of the universe, at least we can make a slightly more positive place. Yes, you can calculate the probability of every known outcome, but you are not a robot. We have survived because of our inclination to help others. We work together for a common goal. We love. We hate. We get scared. We get excited. We are shy and outgoing. We are happy and we are sad. But, no matter what we are, we do it with passion. We love so intensely that it physically hurts. We can feel such joy that it feels as though it is bursting out of us. We are empathetic. We can feel others’ emotions as if they were our own.

“But, we can also hurt,” you chided. “We can hurt so bad that it feels debilitating. We can hurt so bad that it's easier to just shut off and not think.” You looked over his stoic face, desperately trying to picture his golden eyes through his ashen eyelids. “Yes, that means losing your humanity, but when it’s at the cost of feeling your world crumble before you, suffocating you with it, being a robot begins to have its appeals.”

I guess. You could hear the slight smirk in his voice. It depends on your point of view. You can have a reductionist mind set, and see the world for what it is: a bunch of chemicals interacting. Or, you can take a more philosophical approach and contemplate the meaning of life. But one cannot exist without the other. There is a nuanced duality that must be maintained, or there is no point to either.

You cupped his jaw in your hand, running your thumb over cheek.

“Every time I see your face I smile. When you tell me you love me my heart feels so full.” You swallowed thickly, picturing all of the morning you woke up next to Spencer, never really knowing which one would be your last. “When I hug you, I feel safe. Yeah, we may just be a sack of chemicals, but I was lucky enough that our atoms came together in this specific combination at the same point in time.” Your voice squeezed as you tried to continue speaking, “And I know the probability of that happening is minuscule, so why can’t this be too?” you pleaded. “I know it’s unlikely, but if I was so lucky to have you in my life, why can’t I be just as lucky and get my hand through the wall on the first try?”

Because you are human, whatever that means. He spoke as if it was the simplest thing in the world. No matter how hard we may try, we are controlled by our emotions. I love you, and you love me, and it’s as simple and complicated as that.

“I know that every moment you are alive is a second of gifted time, but it’s still never enough. I don’t want to say goodbye. We have so much more to do. We have plans, and promises that still need to be fulfilled”

I don’t want to say goodbye either

“This isn’t fair, we are supposed to have more time.”

I know, but I need you to be strong, for me.

“But I don’t know what to do.”

I need you to try.

“No, Spence, I-I’m letting you know now that I won’t be able to do it. I can't be strong again. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.” You cried into his chest, savoring the sound of his faint heartbeat.

“I’m sorry.”

You waited for a response, desperate to hear his voice for as long as you could. But, it never came.

“Hey, you doing okay?” You gasped, lifting your head and looking around the room. Your eyes fell on Derek in the doorway. “I thought I heard you talking, are you okay?” Concern laced his brow as he looked at you.

“Y-yeah, I’m as fine as I can be,” you reassured, wiping your eyes. He nodded and gave you a sympathetic smile. You watched as he turned to leave, going back to the others in the waiting room. You let out a helpless breath, your eyes falling back onto the man that lay beside you.

Yes, you are human. And as tears roll down your face, and helplessness courses through your veins, you will continue to pray to a god you don’t believe in, because what else are you supposed to do?

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #reid x reader #spencer x reader #Criminal Minds #spencer reid angst #mgg #derek morgan #spencer reid x y/n #spencer x y/n #reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer

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c-watches-too-many-shows · 4 years

Text

‘The One’ - Mat Barzal (Part 1)

And it’s finally here! Clearly inspired by ‘the 1’ by Taylor Swift.

Let me know your thoughts on a second part, I kinda feel like it’s needed.

Hope you like it!!

Part 2

Masterlist

Persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?

“Cappuccino with 2 sugars for ... Mat?” the barista said from her spot behind the counter and your heart stopped for a second because you knew someone named Mat whose usual order was that. He happened to be your ex boyfriend.

This happened a lot of times, way more than you’d like to admit. Whenever you heard someone say his name or saw a tall brunette on the street that looked just like him. This time, just like all the others, you pushed the thought away because there were probably thousands of Mats and tall brunettes in New York, and even if it was him you wouldn’t know what to say. So you went back to your phone as you took another sip from your cup, trying to distract yourself.

“Here.” he answered, making you almost choke on your drink. You’d recognize that voice anywhere and your suspicions were confirmed once you looked up to find Mat thanking the barista as he took the coffee from her hands.

Mat on the other hand knew exactly what he was doing. He knew your workplace was only a couple blocks away, he knew you’d sometimes like to take a break in the afternoon and he knew this was the place you’d always choose. However he didn’t see you when he walked in so instead of finding a table and taking a seat he decided to order something to go since he was already there. He stood there waiting for his drink, feeling dissapoited and stupid for thinking this would ever work. He thanked the barista as he grabbed his drink after they had called his name, and was about to leave the coffee shop when he heard you.

“Mat?” you called him and he turned around instantly at the sound of your voice. A certain spark appeared in his eyes when he saw you. You thought it was probably a surprise, but what he was feeling was pure happiness.

“Hey.” he said with the biggest smile as he walked up to your table.

You stood up to greet him, not sure if you should go for a hug or not. He awkwardly opened his arms once he was in front of you and you stepped into his all too familiar hold. The two of you stood there in eachothers arms, it was clear you both had missed this.

“What brings you to this side of the city?” you asked breaking away from the hug, worried it had gone a bit overly long for a hug between two exes.

“I was just- you know, running some errands. What about you?”

“I wanted to take a quick break from work and this place is near my office.”

“Oh! You still work a couple blocks from here, right?” he pretended to remember just then, even though that was the exact reason he had driven to the other side of the city for coffee.

“Yeah I do.” you replied and the conversation died there. Neither of you knew what to say, you had both imagined this moment so many times and now that it was happening you were silent. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long.” you finally said.

“Same. We need to catch up one of these days.” A thought crossed your mind and you let it out without much thinking.

“I still have some minutes left from my break if you want to- you know. I mean if you have the time, I-I get it if you don’t-” you started to regret it as you were saying it, not because you didn’t want to sit and have a nice talk with him, but because maybe he didn’t. After all you were still his ex, no matter how friendly exes could be, maybe he was just being polite when he said you should catch up and you shouldn’t have taken it seriously.

“I’d love to.” he said with a sweet smile cutting you off when he saw how nervous you were getting. Relief washed over your body and you went back to your seat.

“Are you sure? Weren’t you running some errands?”

“Oh yeah but that can wait.” he brushed it off as he pushed the chair in front of yours to take a seat. “So how’s life? Anything new?”

“Not really.” you said and it was like a weight was taken off his shoulders. All of this would have been pointless if you were with someone new, however he knew you were too nice to actually tell him if you had moved or not. “I finally got that promotion I wanted.” you added like it wasn’t a big deal, not sure if bringing up work was a good idea. It was a sensitive topic when you were together because your jobs were the main reason you couldn’t spend as much time as you’d like together, that was one of the main reasons you had broken up after all.

“That’s huge news Y/N! Congrats!” he said grining from ear to ear. You could tell he was genuinely happy for you. “I know how hard you worked for that. You really deserved it.”

“Thanks. What about you?”

“Everything’s pretty much the same. Family is good. Team is good. We play next friday.”

“God I miss going to the games. It’s not the same watching them at home.” you said thoughtlessly, it didn’t feel like a big deal to admit you still saw him play but to Mat it definitely was. You could tell your comment surprised him by the way his eyes went wide and he caught his breath.

“You still watch our games?” he asked, still unable to believe you would. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he thought after the breakup you had stopped watching their games, trying to avoid him like any ex would. Knowing you didn’t try to somehow erase him of your life gave him hope.

“I became an Isles fan because of you but I can’t just stop being one because we’re over.” you replied like it was the most obvious thing on earth. His smile only grew bigger at the thought of you laying on your couch in your pijamas, watching him play, cheering when they’d score and probably doing that cute twitch with your nose you’d do everytime it became too rough for your liking.

“Maybe I could go to the next game. Say hi to the team and the girls. If you’re okay with it.” The idea came to your mind as you witnessed how happy he was to know you were still a fan, nevertheless you started to regret what you were saying again as the words left your lips, not wanting to overstep that line between friendly exes and actual friends.

“I’m more than okay with it.” he was quick to reply, excited at the mere possibility of you going to see him play. He knew you were going to see the whole team, not just him, but still he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss looking up and seeing your face in the crowd, a huge smile full of pride for him.

“The guys really miss you and the wags too. They ask me about you all the time and I never know what to say.” he added.

“I miss them too. The barbeques, going to the bar after a win, gossiping with the girls, kicking everyone’s ass at beer pong.” you said, reminiscing all the amazing moments you had lived with his team.

You had dated for over 2 years and in that time you had become part of his family, not just the team that were like a second family to him, his actual family. In those two years you had somehow made your way into all the aspects of his life, rooted yourself there to the point that after the break up it felt weird not having you there. That was the reason why he was here today, because even almost an year later he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing in his life.

The conversation kept on flowing naturally between the two of you, no one who saw you would’ve guessed you were exes. Mat could feel that other part of him that had been missing slowly coming back, and you too, slowly all the reasons why breaking up seemed like the only answer to your problems started fading away and you even found yourself wondering why you broke up in the first place.

You talked about your families, your friends, your jobs, and once you had run out of topics you started sharing anecdotes, remembering all the good times you have had together. You remembered that night you met after Mat saved you from the worst date of your life, you had become friends after that and slowly started falling for eachother. His happiness the first time you went to see him play and how it had been one of his best games ever. The time you almost burn down the kitchen trying to cook, that had actually happened many times. How nervous he was when he decided to tell you how he really felt and the overjoy when he heard you say you felt the same. The fact that no one was surprised when you told them you had gotten together, they even teased you saying it was about time. Everyone seemed to know you were meant to be except for the two of you.

Without him even noticing that one question started forming in his head. It wasn’t a new one, he’d sometimes ask it to himself and drift off in his thoughts about all the possible answers and outcomes. He always felt tempted to just text you said question, finally put an end to it and find out the real answer. And now as he had you right in front of him for the fist time in months, a sweet smile plastered on your face, laughing at some dumb joke he had made, he couldn’t resist it anymore.

“Do you ever wonder if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?” The question left his lips before he could even process what he was saying. He was as shocked as you were to hear him say it. “I mean, if we had worked it out how different everything would be today, you know.”

“I do.” you replied, taking another sip of your now almost empty cup and looking away trying to hide the blush that was quick to appear in your cheeks. You didn’t know why you were blushing, it felt like you were admitting something you hadn’t even been able to admit to yourself yet.

“Me too. I think that by now, after trying a million times, a lot of begging and maybe a bit of extortion, I would have finally convinced you to move to my apartment.” You couldn’t help the childish laugh that escaped at his comment. Mat had asked you to move in with him countless times when you were still together, saying it wouldn’t be much different since you already spent most of your time there. But you never gave in, there was always that one insecurity, what if we break up? What if the convenience was too much? You weren’t wrong after all you did end up breaking up, but now as you thought about it it sounded nice, you almost wished it was real.

“And I would have convinced you to adopt a puppy.” you added and he was the one laughing now.

“That’s the extortion part. If you move in, we adopt a puppy.”

“It probably would have worked.”

“So it would be you, me and a dog living together?” he said while counting with his fingers, then stopped to look you in the eyes. “Doesn’t sound bad at all.”

The conversation went quiet once again, but not because there was nothing left to say. On the contrary there were so many things the both of you wanted to say. ‘I miss us’, ‘I regret it all’ were some of them. But neither of you had the courage to say them, you just stayed there looking at each other with a mixture of nostalgia for everything that happened and regret for everything that didn’t. There were smiles on both your faces and your heart started racing when Mat finally opened his mouth to say it, somehow you knew he was going to say what you were too afraid to confess to even yourself.

That’s when your cell phone started ringing bringing you back to reality, the reality in which you were just two exes grabbing a coffee together. You had forgotten you were supposed to go back to work, that’s the effect he had on you, the whole world would disappear. Your phone was in your bag, at some point you had put it away so there would be no distractions. You grabbed it and saw your boss's name on the screen.

“Shit. It’s my boss.” you said shoving it back in your bag. You don’t know how long you had been talking, but it was definitely past your break. “I probably should head back to work.” You hated each word as it left your mouth, but there was nothing you could do. The moment had come to an end.

“Yeah of course.” he said as both of you stood up.

After you made your way out of the coffee shop you stood on the sidewalk. It was clear neither of you wanted to say goodbye but it was time. He noticed your hesitation, so he stepped forward and pulled you into a hug.

“Goodbye Y/N.” he whispered into your neck. It felt like your break up all over again, neither of you wanted to pull away, neither of you wanted it to end, but there was nothing left to say or do. You hated it.

There were a million thought runnign through your head but all you were able to reply was:

“Goodbye Mat.”

Then you pulled away and turned around quickly so he wouldn’t see your face, because if he did he would know exactly how you were feeling. You started walking down the street, trying to push away the feeling that there were so many things left unsaid.

Mat watched you walk away. A feeling of dejavu took over, it was just like your break up, you walking away from him down the hall of his building, into the elevator and out of his life. He couldn’t do it again. No. This time it was going to be different, he would not let you go.

Before he knew it he was running down the street, shouting your name.

“Y/N wait!”

“What?” you turned around confused.

“I wanna see you again.” he finally said once he had caught up.

“Sure we can keep catching up-”

“No I mean see you as on a date.” he cut you off. “I wanna take you out on a date and talk and laugh and discuss what went wrong and how to fix it. I wanna try again Y/N.”

He was saying everything you knew you wanted to hear but hadn't admitted it yet. However your insecurities were stronger. It was getting real and the moment you have had minutes ago was slowly being overshadowed by the bad memories. The fights and the impotence you’d feel after each one of them because the problems you had couldn’t be solved.

“Mat ...” He knew you were about to turn him down, that doubt was taking over, but he wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you didn’t feel that. It was like time hadn’t gone by, like we had never broken up. We still have it. Please give me a second chance. Give us a second chance.” He didn’t care how embarrassing he sounded basically begging you, all he needed was the chance to show you not everything was lost.

You stopped for a second to actually think about it, but there wasn’t much to think about, your destiny had been sealed the moment you called out his name when he was about to leave the coffee shop earlier.

“One date.” you finally said and his whole face lit up. You couldn’t help but smirk at how sweet he looked.

“One date.” he agreed.

“Then we can see how we go from there.” You wanted to be clear with him, accepting his offer didn’t mean you were getting back together. He nodded. “When?”

“Whenever you can. If it was up to me I’d take you out tonight, but I don’t wanna be pushy.” You laughed once again at how cute he looked ecstatic to get that second chance.

“Maybe next friday after the game?”

“Yes.”

“I better get going.” you told him slowly, turning around to leave, but he stepped forward to hug you one last time. This time it felt different, it wasn’t a goodbye, this time it was full with hope.

“Thank you.” he whispered before letting you go.

“Don’t thank me just yet.”

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murasaki-murasame · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep10

I’m kinda out of it due to a mix of toothache and painkillers, so bare with me on this one, lmao.

Anyway, thoughts under the cut. Also lots of Umineko spoilers, probably.

I’m genuinely kinda shocked that this arc STILL isn’t over, but at least it makes a lot more sense now why it ended up being longer than I expected, lol. I still think it probably could have been condensed by an episode or two, but still. It turns out that way more was going on with Satoko behind the scenes in this arc than I thought.

There’s also the whole possibility that Ryukishi might have intentionally laid out the script of Gou/Sotsu so that this whole sequence of Satoko definitively accepting that she’s a witch and killing her humanity happened on the cumulative 34th episode [24 from Gou and now 10 from Sotsu]. I’ve been wondering if anything could actually justify the extremely slow pacing this has had up to this point, but this might actually be dumb enough to make me think it was all worth it, lol.

Also, I’ve been trying to avoid saying it, but I looked at the whole batch of leaks from this arc when they got posted about a month ago, and it looks like we’ve officially covered everything that was in those leaks. I kinda regret looking at them, since it spoiled that Satoko would have an internal conflict that gets expressed literally in usual WTC fashion, but in a funny way I guess I ended up getting a misguided idea of what was going to happen just from looking at the leaks.

For one thing, I completely forgot about the leak of Satoko shooting Teppei until I double checked it a few days ago, so I was mostly just focused on the stuff about her two sides fighting against each other, and I guess I thought it would have made her seem a lot more redeemable than how it ended up actually working out, lol. I thought that it would basically go in the opposite direction and this would signal the start of her spiraling into regret and despair over the course of Nekodamashi, but basically the opposite happened.

I guess this probably answers the question I’ve had of what could stop Satoko from just immediately shooting Rika after the cliffhanger from Nekodamashi, since this raises the possibility of her ‘human side’ literally stopping her from doing it.

Though at this point I’m starting to seriously wonder if there’ll be some big meta twist about how Sotsu has actually been a separate set of loops to what we saw in Gou, and maybe Nekodamashi really did just end in tragedy and then everything got reset. I’ve been toying with that idea in my head for a while, mainly just as a way to try and make Sotsu feel like more than just a literal retread of Gou, but this is giving it a bit more validity as a theory.

For one thing, Eua already implied during Satokowashi that she had a history with Satoko, and going by something Ryukishi said in an interview, there’s already been a time where Satoko called her Eua, so it’s possible that Satokowashi onward is an entirely new loop where both Satoko and Rika have had their memories reset, but Eua still remembers it. Presumably the ‘Gou loop’ would have just ended with failure some way or another, and Eua decided to do it again. She’s given Satoko a pretty definitive failure state in Sotsu, but it’s possible that wasn’t always the case, and up until now she’s been willing to just do it over and over again until she gets the right outcome.

There’s also the theory some people have suggested that maybe the conflict between Satoko’s two halves represented a literal split in the timeline of some kind, with Tataridamashi maybe being a version of events where her human side won out, if only temporarily, and Teppei stayed alive to attack Keiichi at the end of the arc. That’d at least be one way to explain the weirdness of Satoko killing Teppei in this episode after we saw him attack Keiichi at the end of this arc in Gou. I’m not entirely sure I support this exact interpretation, though, even if I like the idea of these maybe being different arcs.

I think that for now my theory about the Teppei situation is that either 1: it was some kind of hallucination from Keiichi, 2: it was a fictionalized account of events that she fed to Ooishi to help trigger his L5 state, or 3: it’s the same sort of thing as the ‘Illusion of Witches’ in Umineko, and we as the audience were directly being shown a fantasy version of events by Satoko. Which is basically the same thing as the second option, but still. Considering how this seems to be barreling it’s way towards being some kind of Umineko prequel, I’ve been wondering if maybe they’d go that far with introducing narrative concepts here that get expanded upon more in Umineko. This would at least be a pretty straightforward example to use to illustrate the idea of how fantasy is used as a device in Umineko. And since there were infamously major issues with people not understanding what Ryukishi was trying to do with those scenes in Umineko ep2 which lead to him having to rewrite ep3 to explain it more clearly, I can see why he might go as far as to include an introduction to this idea in this series.

It’s possible that it’s just a hallucination, but I kinda doubt it at this point. For one thing, it’d feel kinda weird if THIS was a hallucination but not the whole fight scene between Keiichi and Rena, but it’d also just feel kinda weird since Keiichi didn’t really seem to be going L5 in this arc, so it’s kinda hard to imagine him jumping straight to that level of insanity on such short notice.

At least if we assume that this leads into the ending we saw in Tataridamashi, and not something entirely different, I think the real version of events is probably that after leading Keiichi to her house, Satoko attacks him with the bat [or she rigged some kind of trap to knock him out], and then when he wakes up he sees the aftermath of Satoko killing Teppei and he assumes he did it. Though tbh even at the end of Tataridamashi I’m not even sure if Keiichi acknowledged any memory of what happened with Teppei, so I’m not even sure if we need to explain how he’d end up convinced that that version of events happen. For all we know it might just be something that the audience alone was being shown, and from Keiichi’s POV he just gets knocked out and then wakes up in the hospital.

It’s possible that Ooishi ends up attacking him, but I kinda doubt it, at least after how this episode went. Even in the midst of HS, he seemed aware of the fact that Keiichi was at worst just being unwittingly manipulated by the villagers, and that he genuinely thought he was helping her, so I doubt that Satoko would be able to convince him to attack him. And at this point it just seems more likely that Satoko would attack Keiichi herself instead of pointlessly relying on someone else to do it for her.

We do know that he shows up at the festival with the bloody bat, but he could have just entered the house after hearing the commotion of Keiichi getting attacked, and then Satoko told her version of events to him, and he just picked up the bat from the crime scene and took it to the festival.

It’s also worth noting that apparently in the manga version of Tataridamashi, Satoko never even leads Keiichi to her house in the first place, and he just gets shot by Ooishi at the festival, which makes it seem more likely that Keiichi himself isn’t super relevant to how this arc ends. At least in the manga version of the arc, it seems like Ooishi probably just walked in on Teppei’s dead body and then picked up the bat and went on to do his killing spree.

Now I’m also wondering what’ll happen in the next episode, since it seems like they literally only have the festival left to cover before this arc ends. I guess there might just be a lot of content related to what happens with Satoko in the fragment space between this arc and Nekodamashi, but either way it feels like it shouldn’t take long at all to reach the big climax of this arc, especially since Satoko has already steeled her resolve. I mean, I doubt that human-Satoko is gone for good, but the rest of this arc is probably just gonna be witch-Satoko putting her final plans into motion, so there shouldn’t be much to cover there.

There’s a possibility that they’ll also speedrun through all of Nekodamashi from her POV in the next episode, but I kinda doubt it’d go by that fast. In spite of it mostly being a montage from Rika’s POV, and there presumably not being much worth showing about the mechanics and reasoning behind how Satoko set up the different mini-loops there, I think there’s still a fair bit to be shown from her perspective in that arc. For one thing, we’ll probably get a reveal of what was really going on behind the scenes with how Hanyuu suddenly gave Rika a new set of powers, and the whole deal with the sword. And even after the loop montage, I think that stuff will go on behind the scenes with Satoko and Takano to lead into the scene where Takano apologizes to Rika.

At this point my main question is how long it might take to get through all of that, since we only have five episodes left. At least as far as we know. There might be some kind of continuation yet to be announced, but I don’t want to bet on it.

It just feels like there’s a whole lot of stuff left to do before we end this. Like the stuff I’ve mentioned before with the OP having scenes of the club members as teenagers wearing outfits different to their ones from Satokowashi, and the scene of teenage Rika and Satoko fighting in the fragment space.

I’m also wondering at this point if we’ll get some Bernkastel origin story stuff to go with the apparent Lambda origin story. At the very least, they never really explained why she ended up being Featherine’s miko in Umineko, aside from the vague ‘Featherine is probably some version of Hanyuu’ thing. Which has been especially weird since Eua has been using Satoko as her pawn against Rika in this series. But this episode also makes it seem even more likely that Eua doesn’t even like Satoko, and is just using her as a pawn towards a greater goal of entertainment, while probably also playing both sides, so I could see this leading to a situation where she ends up working with Bernkastel instead.

There’s still the question about if this is even a Lambda origin story in the first place, but at this point I think that it’d just be a straight up waste of time if it’s not. That basically feels like the entire purpose of Gou/Sotsu’s existence right now, so if it’s all some sort of elaborate troll, then that just feels like it’d make EVERYONE pissed off. It’d obviously annoy the Umineko fans who like the idea of this being a genuine prequel or tie-in of some kind, but for the people on the opposite end who hate that idea, I don’t think they’d appreciate being told ‘I was just spending nearly 50 episodes tricking you into thinking this was something you’d hate, lol’. It just seems like the worst of both worlds.

Also, I’m pretty open to different variants of how they could pull off the specifics of this being a ‘Lambda origin story’. Like, I still think it’d count if this ends up being set after Umineko and is some kind of elaborate reenactment of how Lambda came to be, or whatever. There’s a lot of specific ways it could be executed, but it’d basically just be the same thing at the end of the day.

I know that witch Satoko right now doesn’t have the same sort of personality that Lambda had, but like with how Beatrice went through multiple design iterations that changed her personality, Satoko might just end up going through more development that makes her closer to the Lambda we know in Umineko. There’s also the fact that the end of Umineko already implied that Bernkastel was just ‘playing the villain’ for fun, so Lambda’s whole personality there might have been somewhat manufactured.

I guess at this point I just have to wonder if we’ll see Satoko come up with the name Lambdadelta for herself, lol. Even back in Higurashi we saw how Rika came up with the name Bernkastel, so if they’re really going in this direction, it’d make sense. I know Satoko is still calling herself Satoko by this point, but just a few episodes ago she denied that she was becoming a witch, and now she’s calling herself one, so these things can change, lol.

Anyway, this whole episode ended up being more Umineko-y than I expected. Even aside from the obvious stuff with them using the term witch, the whole fight between the two Satokos in the fragment space was exactly the sort of thing you’d see in Umineko, down to the fact that it was a gun fight like the love trial was. The imagery of the red cracks on the black background, and the entire screen shattering like glass, also felt like it was lifted straight out of Umineko.

Even if it might be kinda cheesy and forced, the monkey brain part of me really likes this stuff, lol.

Come to think of it, I guess this also makes it a lot more likely in hindsight that her classroom panic attack in this arc really was [at least in part] a representation of her two sides clashing. I think she always planned to do it as a recreation of that scene from Tatarigoroshi, but when it actually started her human side bled through and her genuine regret came through as well. I also assume that all the shots in this arc of her looking uncomfortable or depressed, especially around Teppei, were probably also setting up for this. Which I think is fine, but they probably should have been a little more clear about it, since it came across as her just faking everything, and this ended up feeling more sudden than it should have. I get why people would still see it as being sudden and unearned, but I don’t really think so. They probably should have included more stuff like that during the first two arcs of Sotsu, though.

I’m curious to see if I’ll end up being right about my theory that the sword will end up being used as a plot device to completely separate Satoko’s witch self, and maybe Rika’s as well, into their own beings separate from Rika and Satoko in the ‘real world’. It still feels like the only way to have this actually set up for Umineko without having things end in total tragedy for Rika and Satoko in general.

There’s probably a lot more I could say about this episode, but I think this has gone on long enough as it is, lol.

#murasaki rambles #higurashi #higurashi sotsu

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choco-mark · 4 years

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A Marriage of Inconvenience (1)

overall pairing: mafia!jeno x mafia!oc

overall genre: angst | smut | fluff

warnings: language, mentions of violence + death, y/n wanting to kill jeno, jeno being an asshole, oppression of women

summary: when two mafia gangs decide to end their family feud after decades, your mother decides to give your hand away to marriage of their son, lee jeno. he seemed to hate you from the moment he laid his eyes on you, but could the resolution lead to something much more than a bride and groom?

words: 2.8k

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requested by 🤡 anon

15 April

“You’re going to invite her in, and take her to her room. I don’t care what you have to say about it, son, you’re doing it.” Jeno’s father finally finished his words, looking over at his son with an annoyed expression on his face. “This is for their family and ours, don’t be selfish and get on with it.”

Jeno scoffed, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “Oh, I’m gonna be selfish, I just find it so fucking hilarious that you decided to let a girl from our rival clan inside of our damn house. And what’s even funnier is that I’m engaged to her. Really fucking ideal, Father, seriously. I’m loving it so much.”

The sarcasm in his voice didn’t fail to burn searing holes into his father’s skin, making him sigh at his teenage son’s resistance. “Stop complaining and get out of my office. I don’t care what you have to say about it, son, you are getting married to her. It’s already been signed off completely.”

He rolled his eyes, running a hand through the light colored hair. “I don’t even understand why we need another girl in our house; we have enough. What’s so fucking great about her that you wanted her here so fast?”

“We just—need her.”

Jeno looked up at his father’s words, his eyes half closed with absolutely no amusement in them at all. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? If she’s a Park, we don’t need her.” His father’s head was down, pretending to look through papers that were on his desk. “Father—”

“Get out of my office, Jeno.”

You were currently standing in the lobby of NCT Lee’s mansion, which was surprisingly glittering with jewels and riches that you knew they could have never gotten without their illegal antics. Well, you leaned against your luggage, smirking as you looked up at their diamond-encrusted chandelier, none of us could be living such a luxurious life without murder.

“Park Y/N,” a voice came from beside you, startling you a bit as you slowly looked to the side. You didn’t show your surprise, at least, not when your eyes fell upon the man standing in front of you. “I have to say in all my time here, you are the first Park to enter this house without a fight.”

He was handsome, you acknowledged as you looked him up and down, your eyes stopping momentarily on the velvet choker fastened around his neck, probably the most good-looking guy you had seen in—a long time. But something, judging from the way he was looking at you, told you that this wasn’t the man you were forcibly engaged to.

“That’s a shame,” you answered, watching the man check you out immediately, licking his lips as he trailed up your body. You could’ve laughed in pride at the way he was basically eye-fucking you, but instead, you moved forward, standing in front of him. “I must be a pretty first, then.”

His eyes met yours, the gleam of his colored contacts bouncing into yours as you stared back. As he moved a step forward, his hand stretching out as if to receive you, there was a loud call that broke him out of his trace, making him look to side in annoyance.

“Taeyong,” the call was loud, almost as if of a young boy’s, making you look over in caution. It was, yet another, attractive man walked towards the two of you, holding a straight posture that made him appear taller than he was. “Father wants to talk to you in his office, he said it’s important.”

The man hummed, looking from him to you, and then bit his lip slightly. “This is Park Y/N, Mark. She’s here for her first day as Lee. I was going to escort her to her room, but it seems I have other commitments right now. You don’t mind, do you? Escort the lady to where she belongs?”

“Just go Taeyong,” Mark sighed, glancing over at you for a brief moment. “Don’t keep him waiting, he’s been looking for you all day and he’s not happy. Hurry up before he kills someone else.”

The man rolled his eyes, giving you a wink as he walked away, the chains on his dark jeans clashing against each other to give an attractive noise. You watched as he walked away, chuckling slightly from the way he clearly wanted to ‘escort you’ to your room. It wouldn’t have been much of a distance anyway, considering he looked at you like he could take you against a wall in less than a second.

“I’m Mark,” the man beside you held out his hand, his actions being much different from the earlier. “That was Taeyong, assuming that he didn’t introduce himself in the first place. Jeno was actually supposed to be here for your arrival, but since he isn’t, I guess it’s me.”

You scrunched your face at the sound of your fiancee’s name, which sounded familiar when it rolled off his tongue. Taking his hand, you gave it a short shake before asking him, “Who’s Jeno?”

Mark blinked, “My brother, the one that you’re engaged to? Right? Or are you not Park Y/N? Because I’m pretty sure Park Y/N is engaged to my brother.”

Oh, shit. I forgot his name already. You chuckled slightly, looking away from his awkwardly. “Yeah, that’s me. Kinda just learned I was getting married to him—like—yesterday so—” Jeno, Jeno, okay that’s not that hard. Je-no.

He seemed to understand your struggle, or he was just really good at pretending that he understood, since he nodded frantically at your statement. A few moments later, Mark finally took you up to your room, which seemed to be a little more of a maze than you expected.

NCT Park was a high class clan, that was something you knew. You all were able to dish into the black market and purchase expensive items at such a price you would never have gotten if you lived a normal life. The vases were made from pure gold, and the handmade clothing made from silk. It was a beautiful sight for anyone to see if they ever entered the palace of a house.

But NCT Lee was higher, and it was something you knew, but you hadn’t expected so much. They were at the aristocratic class, one of the highest of all you had ever seen. You could tell from their weapons; the way your eyes drooled at the sight of rubies on their blades and precious metals on the triggers of the rifles. And this mansion, was beyond one you had ever seen.

Mark, you learned on your way through this house, was a friendly person. Well, he really seemed like he liked to talk. His words were welcoming, however, a little different from what you had expected when you entered the house in the first place, but you didn’t mind it. It seemed that he looked past your status as a Park, or looked at you more as if you were a human.

“Anyway,” the two of you finally stopped in front of a door at the end of a huge hallway, one that didn’t seem to have any other rooms other than random doors you were a confused. “This is your room. You have a personal servant, by the way, she’s usually two doors down. There’s a speaker in there if you want anything, and she’ll bring it to you.”

You could’ve gasped at the sound of the word ‘servant’ flowing through your mind, but instead you widened your eyes. It was safe to say that your family did not have anything of the sort, other than the chefs and maids. Personal servants, that was a bit new to you, and not to mention, it startled you from the level of their class.

He left shortly after that, telling you that Jeno should be there soon enough to introduce himself to you, considering he had avoided it in the first place. You finally let yourself into the room, one that seemed a little massive for a bedroom, but decent enough to accommodate you.

And so the challenge began.

Jeno hadn’t expected an empty room when he bottled up the annoyance of his arranged marriage and went to visit you; and he sure didn’t expect your personal servant telling him that you had decided to go to their training room.

The first thing that went through his mind when he stormed off to the training room was ‘a Park shouldn’t be able to do as they pleased in the Lee palace’ but it soon turned to ‘she should’ve at least waited to meet me.’

But something that didn’t seem to go through him mind when he entered the room, was the fact that maybe you had also not wanted to get married. It would’ve been an easy way to blame, which was his exact plan. However, you weren’t about to let that happen.

The Lee training room was different than the Park’s, smaller in size as they had multiple rooms depending on what training they wished to do. You, however, were currently in training clothes, practicing your knife throwing skills in the corner.

Jeno tried to compete with just his eyes, watching as you held the blade with caution before you sent it hurling through the air. It landed dead in the center, perfectly straight as he blinked in disbelief.

You clicked your tongue at your outcome, cocking your head sideways as if you had just missed by a hair. But in reality, you could feel the eyes of someone else on you, and as much as you wanted to hurl a knife at them, you kept your calm. If it’s another one of their boys that’ll ogle at me, might as well try and scare them away.

However, the moment you heard steps of a person from close behind you, you quickly swiped from behind, tripping them in response. You grabbed the other knife from your hand, enclosing your fingers around the shaft as you turned around.

Even though you had no clue who it was, you took a seat on the man’s chest, leaning yourself close over him to make sure he saw how close the knife was to his face. He watched with wide eyes, struggling to stand up from the way you were intricately positioned on him.

“You want to stare at me some more?” you offered, pricking your finger with the blade lightly to show how sharp it really was. “Because you can loose an eye as a complement.”

Jeno managed to grab your ankles, yanking you forward to pull you off him and onto the ground instead. He stood up at the same time as you, giving you an odd look. “Didn’t know Parks were that fucking crazy.”

You chuckled unhumorously at the statement, sucking the cut in your finger that was already forming a clot before rolling your eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m a special one. Everyone’s always got their filthy eyes on me.”

“Filthy? What made you think I was even looking at you? I literally walked up with zero intention to maim but you’re already making it a lot harder than it should be—”

“Goddamn, you talk a lot,” you commented, skimming the man from head to toe. “Which Lee are you? The one that wanted me to marry one of your people because you thought I’d be a nice sex slave? I’m hoping you are.”

Your words were full of fire, definitely the opposite of what he expected when he walked into the room. It was different, different from how his sisters sat pretty and pure like statues of virtue as a breeding ground, while you seemed to be a female—fighter?

Jeno was always told the Parks were different, so completely opposite from the Lees that it made them unfit to enter the higher status that they were already in. All he had expected for you, just like the Lee girls, was for you to be sitting at the end of your bed, reading a book or doing something that was stereotypically ‘feminine.’ And god, he had expected you to be obedient, a listener to his words.

“Staring at me some more,” you snarled, rolling your eyes again as you stepped forward, knife twirling in hand as you did. “Have you never seen a woman before? Everyone in your household seems to be like that, but I can’t take out all of their eyes. Yours look pretty inviting, however.”

Jeno took a step back, holding out his hand as if to stop you. “Shut up and put the knife down, stop being stupid. We have women in our house you know, they aren’t a rare species.”

You scoffed at his remark, crossing your arms. “You can stand in front of the target and I can practice; you’ll see how great my knife skills are till your death.”

“Do you even know who I am?”

“Why should I?” you cocked an eyebrow up, pursing your lips. “All you Lees think you’re so high and mighty, but you all end up sounding so full of yourselves. Most of the time, people introduce themselves instead of assuming everyone already knows who they are.”

Jeno was left speechless to that, never having been spoken to by a woman so—harshly before. It was weird, but it fueled him to want to win as you rested your hands on your hips, still looking at him as you waited for an answer. “I’m Jeno.”

“Very nice,” you commented, scanning him once more. This is supposed to be my fiancee? Damn, no wonder he looked at me like that. “I’m sure you know who I am, I’m the only one of my kind here. Now, if you’ll let me go back to practicing.”

“No. You’re coming with me.”

After Jeno had (forcefully) taken you to the lobby of the palace, he had very unsuccessfully attempted to establish some rules in place. Rules that he thought would be hurting enough to make you run crying back to your Park family, but you honestly could care less about his words.

You had sat on a velvet covered sofa as he spoke, barely paying attention as he went on and on about not caring about marriage or engagement. It made you think, for a very slight moment, what the rest of the household would do if you pulled out your knife and stabbed him right then and there.

“Park?” He snapped his fingers in front of your face, gaining your annoyed attention. “Are you even fucking listening to me?”

“You sound like a child, Lee,” you leaned back in the chair, looking at the ceiling. It was decorated with jewels all around the rimming of the walls, making the room shimmer. “Telling me I shouldn’t leave my room, tsk, do I look like a toddler to you? Or should I break your arm as a lesson?”

Jeno sighed at your words, realizing that there was no way he couldn’t keep you from wandering about the house. But he shook his head, clapping to grab your attention again. “No, Park, we’re taking you on a mission tomorrow.”

Your ears perked up at the word ‘mission,’ and your eyes narrowed back down on the handsome man. “Mission?”

“My father insisted that you join us this time,” he crossed his legs, mimicking your positioning. “But only this once, he doesn’t like to see women out of the house.”

“Excuse me?”

“And out of all women, you are the one I’m engaged to,” he groaned, throwing his head back at your defensive stance. “Nothing seems to get through that thick head of yours, huh, Park? What the hell are you doing here anyway?”

You had enough of Jeno’s back and forth conversation, not even fully understanding what he ever truly meant because his teenager-like mind kept him babbling like he was talking to himself. Rolling your eyes, you leaned over, delivering a sharp slap to his thigh.

“I’m here because your lewd family took their chance at seeing women outside of the bedroom,” you snarled. “I’m here because someone inside this marvelous house thought that I was a perfect snack for them to feast on, so they sent a letter to the head and asked for me to come and fulfill their pleasures. I’m here because I’m thinking of my family before myself, and I am the reason we are all not infiltrating your hideouts right now.”

You stood up, turning on your heel to walk away before you looked back at the man’s shocked face, watching you with confused eyes. “I am not here for you, Lee. I am not here for anyone else in the house, and I am most certainly not here for me.”

“I am here for my people, my clan. I am a Park, and loyalty is before anything.”

previous | next

what’d you guys think??? this took a long time lol, but please look forward to the next part it’s gonna get real saucy out here...

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btsandvmin · 3 years

Note

How involved do you think BigHit is in Vmins relationship? If they are real, do you think they are putting all the stops? Like no vlives, no photoshoots together and etc. There was a Vmin drought from 2016 - 2018 do you think they had something to do with it? I hope you are feeling well, take care.

I think if Vmin is real the members and likely at least some people at Big Hit would know by now. Especially looking at Vmin’s behavior and the members’ beahvior I think those things show there is awareness about Vmin’s closeness and also possibly a narrative of being platonic. But this doesn’t have to be a narrative made on purpose to hide Vmin, they simply could be platonic soulmates and they all show it or talk about it because it’s there. It’s just another point that makes me look a bit closer at Vmin, but that could be projecting. For example we also have to remember idols get away with a lot without people suspecting them of being together... Or it’s possible Vmin are also holding back on their own because they don’t want people to misinterpret them.

As for putting all the stops we know for sure they aren’t... I mean, we see Vmin, quite a lot. We got a few photoshoots last year and even interviews and other things with just Vmin. Not to mention “Friends”. If anything I think Vmin are quite open with a lot and seem to over time show more and more, while there also seems to be possible parts they hold back on. For example Vlives. But that too might have other reasons behind it and might not be from Big Hit.

I think if Vmin is real Big Hit and Vmin and the members would rather try to work together to make it work as well as they can. I think Big Hit wants BTS to be happy (enough) and we know all of BTS decided to resign for 7 more years. I also think not being too “obvious” could be in the interest of the hidden couple rather than forcing them apart. Or if they are apart they would at least understand and partly agree to it. For example choosing to put BTS before being together because of the risks it could involve. That being said, love is love, and BTS and Big Hit seem to cherish these things, so hopefully they would be supportive. Being careful is also difficult to put into exact terms with what it would mean, because they could be more or less careful about various things for various reasons.

As for how involved Big Hit would be, of course all I can do is guess. I think again, it could be all from suggesting or giving advice to simply denying them to do certain things... But it’s beyond what I can see, except for the possible outcome. Like we know the Christmas song was denied, but we don’t know how or why. We also know Taehyung talked about it, despite it maybe not shedding a great light on Big Hit. We can make some assumptions based on what we see or are told, but rarely get enough information to see the full context.

I suppose what I mean is that the involvment could vary a lot, and also that Vmin’s attitudes and own reasons could matter a lot on how things are shown or how they work, if they are in some sort of relationship. I have theories, but these guesses are something I try to not cement too hard, as the hidden aspect of a couple and how they are treated can have so many variations.

For example I am a person who doesn’t really think Big Hit would go through the trouble of heavily editing everything when the easier and more discreet way of simply avoiding situations you would have to edit seems like the better option. I don’t think it would be common knowledge if there is a couple and that everyone from Big Hit would work together to hide it or shape the fandoms perpective on certain members. But of course that some could, and would be involved with how the couple is handled. I don’t think they would just completely leave them alone to do whatever... I mean, even as individuals I am sure BTS have a lot of rules to follow and have PR teams that help create their images. But I also think it’s likely Jimin and Taehyung would understand this to some level and agree with how to act to some extent. Which then could be a possible explenation for being unsure about being alone and afraid to show too much rather than relying on editing. Just as one example.

As for your point about the “Vmin drought” in 2016-2018 I am still of the opinion that this was highly exaggerated by the fandom... There are plenty of Vmin from this time, and even some of their best or most intimate looking moments come from these years. A few examples being their increased hand holding, the soulmate necklaces, the matching phone cases, calling each other soulmates openly, the letter in Bon Voyage (or actually just BV in Hawaii and Malta in general) and the list goes on... You can check my throwback posts from 2017 and 2018 which I made for the explicit purpose of reminding people Vmin did a lot in those years. A Vmin throwback - 2017 and A Vmin throwback - 2018

These moments could of course mostly be Vmin’s choices themselves, and even be a small way of showing how much they mean to each other while being a bit more lowkey with other interactions... But we also got Vmin photoshoots and them being paired up quite a few times these years, so at the very least they weren’t held back completely if Big Hit got involved.

Vmin seemed to do some things less, but we also know BTS had a difficult time during 2017-2018 and got more famous. We know 2016 was a difficult time for Taehyung that probably changed him a lot. There are many reasons that could affect them even outside of getting together and being stopped by Big Hit to do certain things. For example, I do think the weirdness about vlives started sometime during 2016, and I do think Vmin did a lot of weird things that seem to indicate being careful or even a bit off with each other. But a lot of these things also doesn’t seem to be consistant... It’s possible they changed because Big Hit found out of a secret relationship, it’s possible they changed because their relationship changed, it’s possible they changed as individuals, it’s possible they changed because they got bigger and their world changed around them... Or a combination of course. Which I think is likely the answer if they would be a couple. But I wouldn’t call it a “drought” and I don’t think they were forced apart or anything drastic like that even if Big Hit could have been (and would be) involved with how they handled the situation if Vmin either came out as or became a couple around that time. If Vmin are being careful because they are more than friends I assume it’s partly by choice and partly with help or advice from Big Hit.

Anyways, I think this is a very difficult topic, and this is quite a short reply for such a complex question. So I am sorry for this short reply. I am trying to talk about this in my longer analysis I am working on where I can go a bit deeper and give a few examples and more reasons for certain reasonings. Until then I hope you at least found this interesting.

This ask is from earlier this year, so I don’t see how we could really say Vmin is held back much after “Friends”, even if there likely are limits to what and LGBT+ couple would be allowed to do if they are together. My points still stands that I don’t think Big Hit being involved would include forcing them apart as much as helping them with the risks it would mean to hide a LGBT+ relationship within the group.

Thanks for the ask, and hope you found my answer interesting despite the shortness and lack of definite reasons or examples.

#vmin #big hit #vmin analysis #btsandvmin ask #btsandvmin #btsandvmin answer

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Fighting with Aliens”

So I wrote this to address a very interesting difference between humans and aliens because I realized it could potentially cause serious conflict if an outsider would to look on. Has fight scenes in it obviously, and blood, so there is that. I can foresee some of you not liking the outcome, so if you are easily bothered, probably don’t read this one.

Where was that man! She swore, every morning he was somewhere different. Like what kind of person has a schedule THAT erratic. She wondered how he even survived as a person without structure in his life. But then again, that’s what she was here for, to bring structure, and he very much desperately needed it.

She was determined that by the time she was done, he would have a schedule predictable to the minute.

That was, of course, if she could find him.

She swore that one of these days she was going to have to lojack that man, fit him with some kind of tracking system in his sleep so she could find him every morning.

Unfortunately, right now she was on her own, and was forced to start from the top down starting with the bridge then moving down to the administrative deck.

She rather hoped he might already be in his office, but when she found nothing she definitely kicked herself for being that stupid. Admiral Vir was NEVER in his office. In fact, he was notorious for avoiding it whenever he could.

Then again, Admiral Vir was notorious for a lot of things, and that was included but not limited to avoiding his office, wearing heelies on the job, making horrible dad jokes, blasting music on the bridge, and eating all the popsicles.

Simon herself was notorious for almost the exact opposite, her perfectly pressed uniform, her ability to be one time down to the minute, her tendency to get stressed when things didn’t go to plan, and her surprisingly frequent inability to understand the Admiral’s jokes.

It made her feel sort of bad considering that Even the little alien doctor Krill seemed to get it, and if there was anyone on the ship that she could understand, it was him. He had a schedule like a rock solid wall of dependability, a mind like a steel trap, and a sense of humor so dry and clever it ALSO went over her head.

She turned the corner brooding her face pulled down into a frown nearly running into a figure rushing in the opposite direction. She had to leap out of the way in surprise as Dr. katie, the dark haired bespectacled attending physician, yelped in shock.

“Dr Katie!”

Dr. katie put a hand over her chest, “Simon, you scared me half to death.”

Simon rubbed the back of her head a bit, “Sorry, um, do you have an idea where the Admiral is?”

“Oh Adam, yes I know where he is. I was actually headed down there right now if you want to join.”

Simon nodded and fell into step beside the tall doctor.

“I can never find him in the morning.”

“Yeah, no that does sound like Adam. If it helps, just head down to krill’s office one of these days, and we should be able to give you administrative access to his tracking system.”

“Wait, you-”

“Yeah sort of a precaution after he kept getting kidnapped so much, plus he has a habit of hiding when he gets stressed, which isn’t so much a problem these days, but in the past it was a real bitch to find him.”

Simon shook her head in near amazement as she followed Dr. Katie down a set of stairs and onto the crew deck.

They walked for a few meters when the sound of metal ringing on metal reached her ears.

She trailed after Dr. katie as they came around the corner into the massive Rec room at the center of the crew deck. She didn’t come here much and so would never have thought to look. She was rather awkward around people and didn’t know how to talk to them in a normal manner outside work related topics.

She had always been horrible talking to people, getting to know them, or bonding with them in general.

Humans weren’t exactly easy to understand.

So she tended to spend most of her time locked away in her office or in her room, or sitting on the bridge where she could work, where things were procedural, and memorizing notes and lists was a strength. When it came to work there were always protocols, measures to get things done, and a strict adherence to he rules. When it came to people, there was no telling what they were going to do: the Admiral being the prime example.

Generally Admiral Vir was not the kind of person she would like to spend time with. He was extroverted, outgoing, erratic, and high energy, but he was a very empathetic man, and he made up for most of the other things with patience and kindness towards her even when she didn’t allow it for herself.

In return, she had put all her effort into trying to understand him. She had observed, and watched and made lists and taken notes. She knew what he liked and what he didn’t like. She knew what people on the crew were his closest friends, she knew his favorite places to spend time.

She had a detailed profile written up about him in her personal log -- which never occurred to her could be misconstrued as being super super creepy.

Those were the reasons why she knew he was a science fiction nerd, he had a collection of old movies from the information age, he liked a mix of alternative, hard rock, heavy metal, and punk, when he ate his food he insisted on eating the items in order from least favorite to most favorite, he benched 270, and he talked with his family every friday night at six.

Of course that wasn’t exactly a comprehensive list, but just things she knew off the top of her head to better understand the man that she was working for She hoped that the more that she knew one day she would be able to understand him and work well with him without forcing him to hold her hand when it came to running his daily routine.

However, when she stepped into the rec room, she received a shock that she had not expected or really appreciated.

She wasn’t a big fan of surprises.

Yet this was, indeed, a surprise.

The rec room was large and circular inhabiting the very center of the fourth deck. The outer ring contained chairs and tables and TVs and pool tables, all of the sort of recreational things that normal people liked to do in their downtime, but in the center of that there was another large ring, bounded by walls on all sides and with benches looking inward.

Simon hadn’t been sure what that was for when she was first brought aboard the ship, though now she was getting a first hand demonstration as to its use.

Admiral Vir stood in the circle, lightly dressed and wearing hard leather padding on his head, shoulders, chest, arms, and upper legs. In one hand he was holding a metal staff just a little taller than he was.

His knees were bent in a low crouch, and the staff was held at a low forward angle.

On the other side of the ring stood one of the Drev clan members.

Flipping through her mental notes Simon remembered her name as Sunny or Chalan in her native language. She was the Chief weapons officer aboard the ship, was a mechanic, and rather short of a Drev. her and the Admiral tended to spend a lot of time together, and so she assumed that they were close friends.

However the part of this that surprised her tended towards the fact that, she didn’t know that Admiral Vir knew how to use a quarterstaff.

She froze in her place just as one of the watching drev -- a large red one named Cannon pronounced Kanan in his native tongue, slammed a metal spear against the ground to mark the beginning of the round..

Simon yeled in shock and surprise as the two charged at each other with roars, of what seemed to be rage -- though she had never been good at divining emotions.

Metal slammed against metal as the two crashed into each other. Sparks shed out to either side as they exchange a flurry of blows. He struck to the right, she parried to the left, she brought the right side of her spear up to try and catch him off guard, he spun away ducking under and jabbing forward. She blocked the jab to glance off to her right, and kicked out at him with one of her feet.

He dodged to the side and aimed a sheering blow at her head, which she caught last second on the shaft of her spear.

The fury of their fight left Simon reeling in shock and surprise. They didn’t pull their punches, they didn’t aim for the body only. This was full force, full speed, real weapons no holds barred combat!

In the stands Drev cheered them on with great enthusiasm. The humans that were watching had mixed feelings. Ramirez and Maverick were standing with the Drev screaming at Adam to get his head in the game and not be a wuss. Other humans were grimacing and wincing.

Dr. Krill st to the side looking exasperated at the same time he appeared at least sort of worried.

The Celzex onlookers were cheering with the frenzy of the Drev, yelling insults and encouragement to their favorite contender. A few of them were sitting on the shoulders of other enthusiastic, or, in some cases, concerned humans. THe FInnari huddled together around one specific human who looked to be having the time of her life comforting the tiny creatures.

And the Tesraki were nowhere to be seen, probably hiding or run away somewhere to count money.

Adam ducked under a cything blow that would have sent him straight to the emergency room and cut upward quickly, catching Sunny hard on the lower arm. She backed away showing no sign other that the blow had managed to phase her.

From there the fighting only grew more intense. From across the room Simon could hear the swish of the metal as it cythed through the air.

The clattering of steel hitting steel was practically deafening. SHe had no idea how the two of them were still fighting without their hands hurting.

And then Sunny feinted to her left passing into his blind spot where the epatch was.

He turned to face her, but she had already been moving.

A loud THWACK rent the air.

Admiral Vir’s feet left the ground as he was pitched back violently a good three feet before slamming into the ground. The metal rod was jostled from his hands and went clattering across the ring.

The cr4owd had taken to their feet as a chorus of sympathetic noises rose from both sides.

Simon stood in shock for a half moment as Admiral Vir groaned and crawled to his hands and knees.

Sunny approached quarterstaff raised.

Simon raced forward and jumped into the ring, hands held up, “STOP!”

Sunny pulled to a halt looking confused.

The crowd booed.

“What are you doing!” her voice went up a few octaves, not sure what was going on. Why was no one trying to stop this. Admiral Vir sat back on his heels, wiping blood from his mouth and chin, which was dripping down from his nose, “Simon.”

The Drev above her were frowning, “Get out of the ring lieutenant.”

“No, what-”

“You're interrupting a duel, get out of the ring.”

Simon turned in a confused circle, “But-”

Admiral vir stood, holding his nose waving a hand at the Drev, “Timeout guys, she’s not familiar with Drev war practices, so give her a break.”

The Drev backed down a little but still looked a little miffed as Admiral grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the circle, “May I talk to you for a few minutes.” He marched her out of the circle, a hand on her arm, face still bleeding. Katie offered him a gauze pad, which he held to his face as he walked her oer to a table and sat her down.

“Simon, I may have failed to mention this rule to you, but it is highly improper to intervene in a drev dueling match.”

Simon shook her head still reeling with confusion and horror, “But, Admiral, she hit you! Under section two subsection b of the UNSC manual it describes an act of violence on a UNSC ship as domestic battery.”

He coked an eyebrow, “You think Sunny just committed domestic assault, like punching your wife or husband or something.”

“Well yeah! Since we live on a ship, the UNSC classifies any aggressive action as domestic in nature.”

He sighed, “Simon, I am the leader of a Drev clan, I was adopted by two, which means I am a Drev and I must abide by their customs and rules.” He went to place a hand on her arm, but drew back after a moment knowing that she didn’t like to be touched, “Look, Simon, I know this is hard to understand, but the Drev aren't like us. To be Drev, to be friends with them, to be in a relationship with one if that were the case, means letting go of some preconceived human notions.”

“But hitting each other is not ok! She insisted

Admiral Vir shook his head in a long suffering sort of way, “Simon, you're looking at this through the scope of being human. If it were a human that hit me, by all means lock them in the brig. Because when humans are aggressive it is attached to anger, or frustration or aggression. But when Drev fight it isn’t attached to emotion, in fact their mating practices require them to duel each other. Drev relationships seen by humans are often violent and aggressive, but it's part of who and what they are. To them something like this is a sign of trust and friendship. You cannot judge them based on human standards any more than they can judge us based on our human ones.”

“But I-”

“Simon, I agreed to this. I walked in here this morning and I said, hey sunny want to beat the tar out of me. To them an offer like that is a good thing, its….. Well it means much more than what it means for humans. Besides, once upon a time I lived in a Drev village for a few months and was beaten up by pretty much everyone I Came in contact with. From their language and their culture, I have since gained a much different understanding of fighting. I have a different relationship with it now.”

Simon shook her head, this was difficult to compute. People hitting each other was bad, that was a rule, that was something that was black and white to her. She didn’t understand how this man could consider it a good thing, or even as a sign of friendship. It didn’t make sense in the framework of everything she understood.

He sighed, “Look, how about this, you trust me to know what is right and wrong when it comes to the Drev. Working with them I expect things to be aggressive, I expect them to be violent. Assume that everything they do is a low level of aggressive. A lot of people would look at my friendship with Sunny and think that something is wrong with it based on how it looks from a human perspective, but both of us have made compromises, and it is actually a very healthy thing we have going. Honestly if she pulled her punches and didn’t hit me in the dueling ring I would be offended.

Simon still wasn’t sure about this.

He tapped his fingers on the table, “Ok, this might help, the Drev society is based on a very specific set of rules. You should go talk to Cannon about it. Sunny isn’t going to hit me outside of a duel. To strike someone in anger is considered to be bad as well. As far as outside the ring, Drev are expected to be bossy, pushy, stubborn, and mildly aggressive, so Anything they do that falls within a scale of mild is alright.

He stood, “Now if you'll excuse me. I have a Drev’s Ass to kick.”

Dr. Katie took the gauze from his hand as he clamberted back into the ring, blood still staining his mouth and chin.

Simon watched nervously as sunny spun her staff around.

“Done taking your little break.”

He cracked his neck, “Done taking my break, and to make it even, I’ll start from the ground.”

She snorted and Cannon slammed his spear into the ground once again.

Admiral Vir rolled to the side, picking up his spear on the way as Sunny charged after.

She cut down towards his face, and he caught it on the flat of his spear kicking upwards and catching her in the knee.

She scrambled back.

He lept to his feet.

The fight went on like this.

Sunny got caught in the face once a shallow cut bleeding orange down her cheek, but instead of growing angry her eyes seemed to brighten with excitement. Admiral Vir took hits on the shoulder and the leg. Sunny got hit in the stomach and chest.

The fight continued, Admiral Vir was thrown to the ground. The Celzex were screaming in delight.

Sunny charged, but the admiral rolled forward thrusting the spear to roll along the ground before him.

Sunny was to late, her foot landed right on the shaft of the spear, and the spear rolled. Her leg slipped out from underneath her and she went crashing to the ground.

Admiral Vir leaped forward spinning the spear behind his back.

The room went quiet.

Admiral Vir Sat stradling Sunny’s chest one end of the quarterstaff to her throat.

He leaned in a little, “Better luck next time.”

The crowd Cheered.

Sunny raised her hands, “Good fight for a puny runt.”

“I could say the same about you he teased, rolling off to the side.”

Simon wasn’t really sure what to make of any of this. She still hadn’t managed to reconcile the fact that hitting wasn’t necessarily a bad thing because when Admiral Vir came out of the circle he was limping and still wiping blood from his face. If she had seen that on the street down on earth she would be very worried about him. She would call the cops.

But he was also smiling walking with Sunny as she limped right along with him.

The way they looked at each other was…. strange .

She couldn’t place it.

She would need to rework her profile of him just a little. And she would have to rework her profile of the Drev. it seemed as if she was going to have to learn a whole new set of social rules for the different alien species.

She sighed in frustration.

She hadn’t even figured humans out yet and now she was expected to do more.

This was going to be a very long deployment.

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3pirouette · 3 years

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Fic: Five, Four, Three, Two... One (1/1)

Title: Five, Four, Three, Two… One By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Disclaimer: They're not mine. Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Sequel to Six Dates, Times, and Places

Story Summary: Steve nodded, looking away over the horizon. “I’m still sorry about it.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky moved his hand back to his lap, lacing his flesh fingers with his vibranium ones. “You got me out eventually. You stopped me when it counted.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, “Not every time.”

“Enough times.” Bucky was adamant, his voice sharp and brokering no arguments. – Six Dates, Times, and Places

There were five more dates. This is the story of the very last, and maybe most important, one. Angst, Canon-compliant death.

A/N: Yes, in theory there are four other stories to be told. But to me, this is the most important one. It makes a lot of the MCU make sense, and is a headcanon of mine. No promises on if I’ll ever revisit the other dates, this is the only one I ever really planned on telling.

For Steggy Week Day 7: Free Choice

~*~

Steve and Peggy made a plan in 1948. Somewhere between arranging the wedding and securing him a new public identity, they set down ground rules regarding the last five dates, times, and places. They would do whatever they could, in reason, to get Bucky out.

Steve would do whatever he could, reason be damned, to make sure Peggy stayed alive.

It hurt his head to think of how it all worked. He wished for someone to talk to about it, to try to help explain this cyclical loop to him, to explain to him how he’d already done this and Bucky knew about it, yet it was still his unknown future.

What he really wanted to know, above all else, was if he could actually change anything or if every choice he made was already pre-destined. Was he just a chess piece playing out a game that had long since been played already or could his move affect or change the outcome?

He had to believe what he did made a difference.

It was too depressing not to.

He once asked Pym his thoughts on the matter, disguising it as a hypothetical question based on a Sci-Fi movie he’d seen, but the man was too theoretical, too unable to break it down for someone who wasn’t a scientist for his opinion to be helpful or reassuring.

He’d asked Howard once in the beginning. Howard took it almost too seriously, reminding him so much of Tony as he talked about all the things that could go wrong, the paradoxes, the potential for catastrophe. By the end of the night, Howard was drunk and staring at him dangerously, and ended the night by telling Steve he shouldn’t have come back.

They’d never talked about it again, but Steve noticed Howard started to keep his distance from them. It was a slow process as he distanced himself. Year by year, he saw them less and less. Peggy thought it was Howard being Howard, pulling away from the good things in his life and burying himself in his work.

Steve was fairly sure it was him.

Even then, though, Steve thought it might be for the best.

It had always rubbed him just a little wrong in the 21st century that Tony had seemed indifferent about Peggy, that he didn’t know her well when she had helped Howard build SHIELD. Steve couldn’t understand then how Tony had managed to avoid being around Peggy so often, how her influence hadn’t been felt by him at all.

He knew that Tony hadn’t met Peggy’s husband, had barely known Peggy for all those years. He didn’t know about Steve and Peggy’s relationship during the war for all Howard had bragged about Steve to his son, and Peggy’s death hadn’t phased him in the slightest.

Steve found out as the years ticked on, and as Howard and Peggy drifted apart, that it made sense.

While it was possible Tony had known Steve all along, and hadn’t realized it had been him or had played along, the easier thing to do, especially since Steve knew how it all ended, was to stay as far away from the boy as possible.

Which ended up being easy once Peggy found out Howard was working on the side for the pentagon, trying to recreate Erskine’s serum yet again. She stopped speaking to him all together unless it was necessary for work, and the yelling between the two when the topic came up was unfathomable.

And through it all, Steve kept his little scrap of paper, even with the dates memorized.

In 1956 they sent the kids with the Jarvis’s to the mountains for a week and Steve didn’t leave Peggy’s side for a minute until it was over and they were left watching Bucky slip through their fingers.

In ’65, Steve tried everything he could think of to keep Peggy away from New York City, but when the President called, she couldn’t say no and Steve still couldn’t pull Bucky from the clutches of Hydra.

With the kids grown and out of the house, Steve and Peggy had taken the opportunity in 1972 to try to figure out how to turn the tables on him by prepping months ahead for the assault they expected in the swank DC hotel Shield liked to put Peggy up in when she had to be in town. They had blueprints and had tapped into surveillance and thought they were prepared, but he still managed to slip away in the night.

In 1986, their son had taken up the mantle. Strong like his father, Steve and Peggy brought him into the family secret, and Steve gave their firstborn the job of helping him protect Peggy while they were at an unavoidable State Dinner. Steve and Peggy were both proud, and yet still saddened when the paper was right, yet again, and Bucky slipped away into the night.

Steve generally didn’t ask much of her when it came to where she went or who she saw, especially for work. Peggy didn’t argue with him when it came to the dates on the paper.

Asking her to stay away from the Pentagon for the last date was easier than he’d anticipated.

For this last one, though, it wasn’t just about Peggy.

There was one date left, and it might be the most important date of them all: December 16, 1991.

Despite having their differences, Steve couldn’t at least try. He begged Howard to get out of town. He told him as much as he could, but didn’t reveal the exact time or place that he knew to be the man’s downfall. Just the day. “As far as you can. Take Maria, take Tony, please.”

Howard wanted to push back, especially with how estranged they’d become, but he knew better than to try to defy Steve’s knowledge of the future. “She’s been mentioning going on a vacation, anyway. Bermuda, Bahamas, someplace like that. I’ll have Jarvis arrange it.”

Steve thought he was in the clear. Peggy was staying home, Howard was going to be out of the country, and no one was going to be on a back road just outside of DC in the middle of the night on December 16.

He was going to fix this one. If changing nothing else mattered, this one thing did.

He was nervous all day, fidgeting about the house and checking doors and window locks until Peggy had to stop him and physically make him sit down. It was cold, and a Monday, and it left Steve with little to do but think about the hours ticking by until the very last deadline. They had leftovers from Sunday dinner, then worked on what still needed to be bought or ordered for Christmas for the kids and grandkids, and ended the evening in front of the television, nestled together under a blanket, sidearms within easy reach. They watched MacGyver then flipped between the football game and Murphy Brown. She had a glass of chardonnay and he finished off the red she said was too dry.

Steve had almost, almost thought they’d managed to somehow escape the fate of the last date on the paper as he clicked over to the evening news.

Until the phone rang.

Mister Jarvis’ voice echoed through the phone, tinny and distant.

Steve felt the grief well up in him.

If he hadn’t known it yet, though he was sure he’d become sure of it decades ago, this was the moment that proved it: none of this could be changed. It was always, always meant to be exactly the way it was.

“What… what was he doing there?” Steve choaked out as Peggy wrapped around him. “He was supposed to be on vacation. On the plane by then.”

Jarvis’s voice wobbled on the line. “He pushed back the flight. He was to deliver something to the Pentagon, then head to the airfield.

It welled within him and he rushed through their home to the bathroom, retching the little in his stomach out.

December 16, 1991: Howard was dead. Maria was dead. Tony was left alone.

It had been as much his fault as anything that Tony hadn’t known his father as well as he could have, and now he was gone.

He felt like he was watching Tony die all over again.

He’d failed him.

Peggy hung back in the doorway, eyes full of tears. “He told me he canceled it.”

Steve looked up at her, confused, and swiped at his mouth with his hand.

“Department of Defense contract meeting.” She stepped into the room and sat by him, her hand on his shoulder as he crumpled against the wall across from the toilet. “We were supposed to video conference with DOD contractors from all over the world, that’s why it was so late at night. He told me he’d cancelled it.” She swallowed hard and tried to sniff away her tears. “It’s the only reason I can imagine he was going there.”

“What… what could be so important?” Steve asked, eyes welling.

“He’d fixed it,” Peggy whispered, snuggling into Steve’s side. “He had a viable version of the serum.”

“Fuck,” Steve groaned, swiping at his eyes. “If they knew—”

Peggy kissed his head fiercely. “Of course, they knew. That’s why they sent the Winter Soldier. The always know.” She sighed, her own tears falling. “I was supposed to be in that car, not Maria. He just couldn’t stay away from the office for one day.”

His voice was still hurting, still confused. “They’ve never programmed him to go after anyone else before.”

“Maybe you did save me by keeping me home. Or maybe this day wasn’t me, darling,” she whispered, trying to comfort him, comfort herself. “Maybe it was the serum itself and they were collateral damage. Maybe it was Howard.”

“It is my fault.” Steve shook his head and looked at her. “I knew the date, the date Howard died, and how. I knew it, Peg. I should have…”

Peggy pressed her finger to his lips. “How long ago was it that Barnes gave those to you, hum?” She let her hand caress over his cheek and behind his neck. “We’ve tried, for so long, to try to change the outcome. To bring Barnes back. But it has never worked.”

Steve slumped further, resting his head on her shoulder. He felt a tear drip from her cheek to his, and he wiped it away harshly before tucking them closer together. The tile was cold, but it assured him that he wasn’t completely numb.

“I think we’ve both known, all along, that this whole thing was always supposed to go one way,” she whispered softly, her voice thick with tears as she ran her fingers through his hair. “You’ve never shied away from helping anyone in your life,” she softly spoke against his temple. “You tried. That’s all Barnes ever asked.”

“No,” Steve bit out, voice low and thick. “I saved you. But I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save Howard. I couldn’t save Tony…”

Peggy sat up tall, pushing Steve away from her until he could look her in the eyes. “Now, you listen to me. You didn’t kill Howard. Hydra did. You didn’t kill Tony. He sacrificed himself because of that man, Thanos. You did everything you could to save not only the ones you love, but millions of other people.” She grabbed him by his wet cheeks, her own tears still spilling over. “The tragedy is that this was how it has always been, and was always meant to be, not that you didn’t try hard enough. If you could have changed the world with just your will alone James would be joining us for Christmas dinner and things with Howard and Tony would have gone much, much differently.”

Steve’s eyes flickered over her face for a moment before he reached up, taking one of her hands in his and kissing the palm fervently. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against her skin, eyes closed. “I’m sorry that you lost a friend because of me. I’m sorry that you lost all these years together.”

Peggy nodded, sniffing away a fresh set of tears. She swallowed hard before speaking. “Howard made his choice, and I made mine. And I don’t regret a day.” She pulled him back to her, hugging him closely. “Not a single moment, my love.”

“I’ve made my peace with it long ago, Steve,” she whispered after a long moment. “I didn’t see what you saw, I don’t know what you know, but the world had to burn to bring you back to me. To give us our family. We have all lost so much, and from what you’ve said, Tony’s losses have only begun. Maybe this has all happened before and it is destined to happen again, I don’t know.” She kissed his cheek, holding tight. “But tomorrow? Tomorrow the little slip of paper in your sock drawer no longer holds any power over us.”

Steve held her tight on the bathroom floor, tears trickling quietly for both of them as the clock in their bedroom ticked by the seconds in the silence. “I don’t know how to help Tony.”

“We’ll figure something,” she whispered. “There may be no help for him, Steve. To become the man that will sacrifice his life for the universe, he may have to go through everything just the same.”

“I wish…” He sighed, unable to finish.

“I know,” she replied softly. “Me, too.”

#Steggy Week 21 #Stegy Fic #Angst #Tissue warning maybe #3P's FIc

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justabstractthings · 4 years

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Worth It | Kaminari X F!Reader

Prompt: “Wanna get out of here?”

Pairing: Kaminari Denki X Female! Reader

Warnings: A bit spicy but fluffy overall. Another domestic fic

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: This is my first fic for the first @bnhabookclub‘s event! Anybody can enter so here’s the link if you want to join in! It was really fun writing for Kaminari and I just thought he would totally do this. Please ignore my badly made and cringe worthy banner... I should leave edits to the professionals... whoops

Laughter filled the room as all of your old classmates chatted amongst each other. They carried drinks in their hands, but not the ones that would normally be sipped at parties you and your friends have attended. But that didn’t dim the playful and energetic atmosphere that seemed to follow your group of friends.

After a few hours of mingling with your friends, you were finally able to sit down on your couch. Playing hostess was exhausting, but it was definitely worth it when you watched the scene in front of you unfold.

There was your baby girl being surrounded by her aunts and uncles that have spoiled her rotten. Ashido had your baby propped against her stomach while Ururaka was making funny faces at her. The other women were gushing about how adorable and happy your baby was. You could also see the men slightly fawning at how cute the baby was (even if they were trying very hard to hide it).

“Look here, Hotaru!” Jiro exclaimed as she held up her phone with Yaoyorozu jingling one of the baby’s new toys. “Big smile!”

Hotaru flashed her a smile and squealed at the attention she was receiving from everyone around her.

Yep, it was worth it.

A warm presence pulled you out of your thoughts. “Wanna get out of here?”

You stared in disbelief at the straw-colored hair male leaning over the back of the couch. Kaminari rested his chin against your shoulder and nuzzled against the side of your neck. Goosebumps rose as he peppered your neck with light kisses.

“Denki, we are at your daughter’s 1st birthday,” you deadpanned.

Your boyfriend groaned against your neck as he nuzzled against you a little bit more. “Come on, babe. I bet she won’t even miss us for a couple of minutes. What could happen?”

“It’s her first birthday, Denki! We can’t just leave!”

Both of you watched as your daughter began trotting around to different people in the room while babbling at them. She had her little bumblebee plushie clutched in her little hand while it dragged on the carpeted floor.

Your breath hitched as Kaminari began nibbling and leaving wet kisses against your neck. You could feel his hot breath against your ear as he whispered more promises and reassurances. You had to bite back a moan as Kaminari bit on the sensitive spot against your neck.

“It’ll be fine. Little bug is with her aunts and uncles. See?”

Hotaru was now in the arms of Kirishima as she babbled and pointed at different things in the room. Kirishima conversed with her as if he completely understood what she was saying, nodding once in a while and making funny faces to keep the child happy and bubbly.

He was right. Your daughter would be fine. What’s more safe than a room full of pro-heroes?

“Plus, I have a little surprise for you.”

You groaned as you felt your resolve crumble at Kaminari’s incessant pleading. He knew you couldn’t resist surprises.

Just for a few minutes, you told yourself.

You nudged Kaminari away and turned your face to kiss him smack on the lips. “Fine.”

Kaminari flashed his bright smile that was identical to the little girl you shared. Everyday, you saw more of Kaminari in Hotaru while Kaminari argued that your daughter was more like you in every way possible.

Kaminari offered you a hand as he pulled you up and led you to your apartment’s balcony. The chatter and laughter coming from their living room was muffled when he closed the balcony doors.

You took a deep breath as you welcomed the clean, crisp spring air. Your boyfriend joined your side as both of you leaned against the railing and enjoyed the natural warmth. Below you, kids were playing at the park across from the apartment complex. Families were walking around and enjoying the warm weather.

Kaminari pulled you against him with an arm wrapped around your waist. “I still can’t believe it,” he mumbled against your hair.

You looked up into his shocking yellow eyes that looked at you with so much warmth swimming in them. “Can’t believe what?”

“How lucky I am to have you even though it wasn’t really a great start.” Kaminari chuckled to himself as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Geez, I was such a dork.”

You smiled at the thought of your UA days when you would repeatedly avoid or reject Kaminari’s advances. Little did he know, you did have a crush on him in high school but his flirty attitude with every other girl put you off. But you weren’t going to tell him that, even if you did share a daughter.

“But when I saw you for the first time, I felt sparks fly.” You groaned at your boyfriend’s corny joke, which he has repeatedly used with every chance he could get. “What? Too much?” You nodded as Kaminari pondered even further. You loved the way his eyebrows scrunched up and lips pout. “How about… When we touch, it’s electric.”

You snorted the minute Kaminari flashed what he thought was a flirty smirk, but it only made him look funnier as his right eye scrunched up and the right side of his mouth smirked down at you. Kaminari deflated at your reaction, but he, nonetheless, smiled as he listened to your melodic laughter fill the air.

“I’m sorry, Denki. It-it’s just-.” Kaminari watched as laughter bubbled out of your beautiful mouth. He found himself laughing alongside you. You’ve always had that strange power over him that he could never quite understand, but he was happy to be completely affected by it. As long as it meant that he would share those moments with you.

After a few seconds of calming down, you sighed and leaned against Kaminari’s solid frame. You let out a small gasp when Kaminari suddenly pushed you away from him. You tried to look at Kaminari’s face, but he hid it behind his straw colored hair.

Kaminari audibly gulped as he could feel his hands start to sweat and tremble as he held you at arm’s length. He felt his heart pounding at his chest as resolve dwindled with every beat. He can’t freak out now. Not right now. He needed to do this. He needed to do this now.

“Um, there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Your eyes widened as you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

What was he talking about? Did something happen? Was something wrong? Did you do something wrong? You felt sick to your stomach. The worst possible outcomes start flying through your head. You bit your lip. No matter what happened, you needed to be strong. For you and for your daughter.

“It’s just that with everything that’s been going on, I think something needs to change.”

No. No. No.

“I can’t keep going like this.”

This cannot be happening.

“It just isn’t working for me anymore.”

Not on your daughter's birthday.

“So I wanted to ask you.” Kaminari reached into his pocket as he bent down on one knee right in front of your trembling form. He opened the velvet box to reveal a small diamond ring. Kaminari looked up at you expectantly with nervousness swimming in his electric yellow eyes. “Will you marry me?”

No words could describe the thoughts and feelings swirling in your head. You did the first thing that came to mind.

“DENKI, YOU IDIOT!” You launched yourself into his waiting arms as you clutched onto him for dear life. Kaminari had to keep himself from falling back and ensure that he didn’t lose the ring. He wrapped an arm around your trembling form as you cursed at him. “I thought something was wrong.”

Kaminari pulled you away from him and asked nonchalantly, “Why would something be wrong?”

You stared at him in disbelief. “Be-because you...you were… and then… Goddammit Denki, you’re such a moron.” You groaned in embarrassment and buried your face into his shoulder one more.

“So, what do you say, babe?” Kaminari strained his ear to hear your muffled voice. “Can you repeat that?”

You pushed yourself away from your idiot boyfriend and looked at him in the eye. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Kaminari swears that you looked more beautiful than you’ve ever had in that exact moment. From the little pout on your soft lips to the light blush peppered on your cheeks. He felt the rush of 1.3 million volts of electricity running through his body and he swears he felt his mind go blank the moment you said those words. His brain could not process a single thing. “Wait, whu?”

“I said yes, you moronic idiot!”

With quick reflexes, you grabbed Kaminari’s shirt and pressed your lips against his. You weren’t going to tell this to him either, but he was right. The moment your lips touched his, it was electric. A jolt of lightning that had you tingling from the tips of your toes to the top of your head and no one can make you feel this way except for the idiot with the dopiest look on his face.

Light banging caused both of you to separate as you looked to see your daughter smiling widely at you with all of your friends watching with knowing looks in their eyes.

“Mama! Dada!” Hotaru squealed in delight and continued to bang on the door. Uraraka placed Hotaru on the ground and opened the door for her. The little firefly trotted into your waiting arms and smacked wet kisses all over your face just like she had seen her daddy do many times before.

“Hey, what about daddy?” Kaminari pointed to himself.

Hotaru wiped her straw colored hair to Kaminari and showed off her growing baby teeth. “No Dada!” Her high pitched laughter escaped her little body as she saw her father’s dejected face. She squealed even louder when he began tickling and leaving little kisses on her baby face.

“Smile!” Jiro said as you beamed up at your friends while your fiancé and daughter left kisses on either side of your cheeks.

Yep, it was definitely worth it.

Hotaru is written as 蛍 meaning firefly or lightning bug.

#bnhabookclub #kaminari denki #kaminari x reader #kaminari fluff #bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #kaminari domestic #denki x reader #my writing #domestic fics for dayzzzz #domestic fic #just abstract things

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makeste · 4 years

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not a cavalcade of Katsuki panels

damn, anon. you stone cold came for me with that last part. and just fyi to all onlookers, this was before I had posted the headcanons ask proving this exact point lmao.

but a challenge has been issued now! so I will do my best to pick a variety of impartial panels featuring a veritable medley of characters. not sure I can really provide much in the way of insightful analysis of symbolism and metaphors and stuff, but I can certainly type a lot of words about the pretty pictures, and about how cool people look when they’re standing around all serious surrounded by clouds of billowing smoke.

why I like it: I figured we’d start off strong. no point in holding back. can the other panels possibly even hope to compete. maybe. we’ll see.

why I like it: because, you see, he punched a giant robot, and it exploded. you see that, there? and the text was all “SMAASH” in humongous comic book letters, and it was pretty cool. also Deku is very tiny and the robot is very big. and just to clarify, most of the time if a tiny fifteen-year-old child tries to punch an 80-foot robot, it’s not actually going to go all that well, and the robot probably will not explode. but in this case it did! and so this is a very novel and unexpected outcome, which makes it all the more visually striking, which is a very good thing to be when you are trying to show off the brand new superpower which your protagonist just inherited, and letting people see it in action for the very first time.

why I like it: so you may have noticed we just skipped a whoooole bunch of chapters lol. this is because there are almost 300 of them, and so I’m going to have to use a bit of discretion. anyway so this is a gorgeous panel. just, everything about it. the lighting; the expressions; Shouto’s hesitation; and his mom facing away, not looking back yet, and us not yet knowing how she’ll react. and the fact that they’re visually separated by as much distance as possible -- at opposite ends of a two-page spread -- and yet they’re so close, closer than they’ve been in years. mm. anyway it’s pretty.

why I like it: first of all because there’s nothing like seeing a deserving character get punched in the fucking face, and few characters IMO have been as deserving as Stain. and second because this is Deku, showing up to save the day out of nowhere at the last minute, because excuse you, but he’s a motherfuckin’ hero. sorry to interrupt your evening plans of stabbing a kid while lecturing him about why, philosophically, he deserves to die. but I’ve got a package here for a Mister Stain. it’s from Mister Smaassh, with two A’s and three S’s.

why I like it: fyi, anon said nothing about a cavalcade of BakuDeku panels. you didn’t think I’d let that loophole go to waste, did you? but nonetheless I will try to restrain myself until we get to the second ground beta fight. anyway, I like this panel because All Might’s canonically 7′2″ self looks about twelve feet tall here, and he is just TOWERING over these two boys, who’ve been tasked with somehow outwitting him during this curiously sadistic final exam. and it’s just an interesting perspective, because we know they both look up to him, and here they are physically looking way, way up, up, up at him.

why I like it: now this is how you do a villain entrance. I love absolutely everything about this. the sheer scale of destruction, and the way he’s just sort of casually hanging out there in the middle of the panel almost dwarfed by all this dust and smoke and carnage, and yet is unquestionably the focus of the page. the way that you can’t actually see his face, not yet. not until the end of the chapter. the way the clouds are drifting so calmly and peacefully in the night sky in stark contrast to the horrific events that are about to take place on the ground. this panel gives me literal chills, especially when I think about All for One’s creepy theme music playing in the background.

why I like it: this panel is so iconic to me that it’s one of the first ones I immediately knew I had to go and find when I got this ask. this entire fight is perfection from start to finish, and there are other panels that are more artistically striking if I’m being honest (in particular, the ones where he’s half-transformed with his face perfectly split down the middle between Muscle Might and Skinny Steve). but there’s just something about his determination in this panel, though. something about the fire in his eyes, and the way he clenches his fist. “my heart is still the heart of the Symbol of Peace.” I remember being sooooo fucking anxious when his true form was revealed, wondering if this was it, if the people watching were going to turn on him, if he was going to lose both the fight and their faith. turns out I was wrong on both accounts. basically what I am trying to tell you guys is that this panel was and is still the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

why I like it: because he’s just a frail old man doing what he can to protect the last flickering embers of the thing that enables him to fight on. there’s something so fucking desperate and yet so determined about this image. he knows it’s futile, but still he persists.

why I like it: damn it was hard to find a “you’re next” panel with just the right angle I like best. this is probably as close as it gets, but I kind of wish Deku was somehow visible in this image as well. but at any rate this is an amazing moment, and All Might is dramatic af for basically no reason but IT’S BADASS. “no I’m not going to actually look where I’m pointing. it’s cooler this way.” or was it because he wasn’t sure if he could keep the emotion off of his face if he actually turned and looked? in this moment of knowing that it was finally over for him, that he would never be the Symbol again, and knowing that he had no choice but to move on and entrust that burden to the next generation? damn.

why I like it: I... fucking... okay, here’s a fun fact. did you know that I still get emotional over this panel almost a full two years after reading it?? obviously a good 84% of it is the context -- All Might losing his power; Deku being forced to take up the mantle before he feels ready; All Might feeling responsible for him; and both of them being so desperately grateful to have each other in that moment. but don’t underestimate that remaining 16% either though! this is just an extremely well-drawn hug, on top of everything else. All Might pressing Deku’s head to his shoulder with his fingers laced in his hair is some mighty fine fiercely protective hug tropes there, you guys. and the way Deku is clinging to his shirt so tightly his knuckles have probably gone white?? while he cries?? while both of them cry? ON THE BEACH? WITH THE WAVES LAPPING SOFTLY AT THE SHORE IN THE PEACEFUL NIGHT AIR?? jesus fucking christ. this hug contains more emotions than I am capable of carrying inside me at once. I just sort of have to let them flow in and out little by little until they finally subside.

why I like it: you bet I skipped right from Kamino straight to Deku VS Kacchan Part 2. no regrets. anyway, so these two panels are an absolutely gorgeous one-two punch. so much has changed from the days when they were innocent little kids marching off into the woods to have adventures. they’ve changed. their relationship has changed. and yet, at the end of the day, Izuku is still willing to follow Katsuki even without being given any kind of explanation. and Katsuki still seeks out Izuku when he’s on the verge of having a spectacular emotional breakdown. because he doesn’t know who else to turn to. and because despite everything, there is trust there still, on some deep, fundamental level neither of them fully understands or knows how to acknowledge. anyway, so these two panels just give me a ton of feels all about the passage of time and how everything changes and how you can’t get back what’s lost, but also sometimes if you look deep enough you find that parts of it were never fully gone.

why I like it: because in a striking display of dramatic main character energy, these boys decided to stage their life-changing destiny-affirming rival fight on the coolest possible stage in the middle of the goddamn night. and then Katsuki made it even better by producing WAY MORE SMOKE than his attack by all rights should have produced! and then they went and crouched down all symmetrically so as to more poetically make intense eye contact at each other. I really like panels with smoke and/or dust clearing dramatically. there are like four more of them coming up on this list. what can I say. it’s cinematic.

why I like it: I actually had this one as my icon for a while. it’s rare imo to see an action panel that’s so balanced and has so much going on and is so clean and easy to read. both of their poses are so dynamic. I like the way the arc of Izuku’s kick is drawn, and I love the way you can clearly see that Katsuki propelled himself backwards with his quirk in order to dodge it. it’s just a really cool little panel that for me perfectly sums up the general feel of this fight, and its awesome choreography.

why I like it: actually you know what, before I go any further, let me skip ahead a bit and add three more panels with this same energy.

I just really, really love these rare moments when all differences between them are momentarily forgotten and they’re just two teenage boys caught up in the intense pressure of an awkward social situation. the one enemy neither of them is the least bit equipped to handle. anyways Horikoshi clearly enjoys it too because he seems to delight in drawing it over and over and over.

why I like it: because it’s more billowing smoke and dust. because it’s Endeavor, the guy we all swore we would never ever root for, and then 160 chapters later Horikoshi pulls this shit without an ounce of shame. because it’s All Might’s pose, but tweaked juuuuuust enough so that Enji can avoid copyright claims. because he knew that pose well enough to know which arm not to use. because Endeavor is a profoundly flawed human being, wholly incapable of filling the void All Might left behind. and yet he still tries. because it’s better than nothing, and because it’s all he can do. it’s the one thing he can do, his sole redeeming virtue. he tries. he doesn’t give up. anyway so yeah, Horikoshi didn’t have to take the single most unlikable person in the entire manga and give him the world’s most controversial and openly scorned redemption arc. but he did! and I think it’s one of the best things about this entire manga.

why I like it: because nothing in BnHA is just black and white!! it’s messy and layered and complex, just like in the real world. Shouto despised his dad for almost his entire life. with good reason! Enji was abusive and selfish and treated his son more like a prized possession than a person. we as readers are fully aware of all of this, and we sympathize with Shouto 100%, and that’s completely by design. Horikoshi is well aware of this. so for him to still give us this little moment, where Shouto is so relieved that Enji survived that he drops to the floor and presses his face against his hands in this little prayer gesture -- whatever you think it might mean -- is just so fucking powerful, and again speaks to his commitment to refusing to let anything in this series be completely clear-cut and unambiguous. I love that the characterization of Shouto and Natsu hating their dad exists side by side with the equally authentic characterization of them being terrified that they’re about to watch him die. because those two things aren’t contradictory! sometimes that’s just how it is. anyway so this is a beautiful moment of nuance that instantly adds so much to this relationship with just a single panel.

why I like it: for once the symbolism is so obvious that even I can’t fail to miss it! Izuku’s face half in light and half in shadow as he thinks about the power bestowed on him. “All for One’s power.” anyway so in my mind Izuku having AFO could not be any more fucking foreshadowed if he was wearing a freaking t-shirt with the Musketeers saying on it and the background was peppered with little Sistine Chapel-esque images of AFO giving his quirk to his brother lmao. but regardless of how it does end up playing out, this is nicely done.

why I like it: I wasn’t sure whether I should include this image, given that I just made a whole separate post about it a few days ago. but I just really like it, okay. this is one of the all-time great entrances in the series. Bakugou being perched on that pole for absolutely no reason other than to add visual interest. Todoroki’s hair blowing dramatically in the wind. Katsuki’s frayed pant hems and characteristically asymmetrical facial expression. the fact that you just know both of them spent the ride home with their faces pressed to the windows of their taxi cab hoping desperately for an opportunity to break in their brand new licenses, and then lo and behold. that’s amazing you guys. it’s almost like you’re main characters or something.

why I like it: they did great.

why I like it: because I lost my fucking shit at this fucking reveal and can you even blame me?? we knew coming in how much trouble Endeavor and Hawks had dealing with just one of these Noumus, and then Horikoshi goes and divulges that the villains have at least A DOZEN MORE waiting on standby. including Hood right there in the foreground, which is a fantastic touch! this panel, for me, almost instantaneously established the League as a legitimate threat once again, and gave me the kind of spine-tingly evil vibes I hadn’t felt since the Kamino arc. and while the payoff might not quite have lived up to my expectations, the Mirko fight at least was more than worth it.

why I like it: BILLOWING SMOKE AND DUST CLOUDS. you just see this vast landscape of destruction that Tomura has oh-so-casually wrought, and this once-powerful enemy utterly defeated on his hands and knees bowing before him. and it’s just like, oh. Tomura just became a fucking king, didn’t he. he finally stepped up and became the main villain. really the main villain, not just an awkward fumbling NEET whose adopted dad is not-so-secretly pulling all the strings. he did this himself. he went out and conquered and Awakened and won himself a fucking army. and he’s just standing there so cool and casual in the aftermath of it all. and then he goes “oh wait, you guys have money right, that means you can buy us the good sushi.” yes, Tomura. yes.

why I like it: um because this panel is fucking amazing?? hello?? do I really need to explain this one. the detail is jaw-dropping. he’s got the little scars which are either from the head wound that caused his death, or from his Noumufication. his expression is fucking heartbreaking, and the transition from Kumo to Kuro is so subtle and seamless, and yet it distinctly is both of them. this panel is gorgeous and fucking haunting and almost made me gasp when I first saw it.

why I like it: the decision to have the night sky take up so much of the space in the panel was [chef kiss]. nothing says existential like the night sky on a cold winter’s night.

why I like it: this is the best panel in the entire fucking series.

why I like it: dude. showing his actual family holding onto him with their hands in the same spot as the severed fashion!hands was a stroke of genius in and of itself. but combining that with the emotional tension of them desperately trying to hold him back and protect him from AFO?? that’s just so fucking smooth it’s almost inhuman. just how much meaning can you cram into a single image?? sometimes I wonder just how far in advance Horikoshi plans these things.

why I like it: guess I’m just a big fat sucker for panels of Tomura calmly standing around in the ruins of his own senseless destruction. the sense of scale on this one is really great, too. and yet again, those dust clouds. gotta love it.

why I like it: because Tomura literally appears out of nowhere, like he’s ripping a hole through the fabric of time and space. it’s so fucking sudden and he looks evil as FUCK, and Deku and Kacchan are totally caught off-guard, and it is scary. this is one of those panels that made me say “holy shit” out loud. in fact I practically screamed it. and the angles are all funky and weird, and the sky is all BLACK FOR NO REASON, and it really just feels like Tomura could reach right over and just MURDER THEM like it was nothing. just like that. this panel is so incredibly effective at conveying how hopelessly outclassed the boys are. they’re not even in his league, and it’s honestly terrifying.

and on that happy note, we have come to the end of my list of favorite panels! and I gotta say, it’s really gratifying that a good deal of them are from this year alone. I said it in another post a few days ago, but imo the overall quality of the series has been insanely high as of late, and it honestly just blows my mind whenever I stop to think about it. the art is still this good six years into the game. the story is still this good. we are spoiled goddammit.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #all might #endeavor #todoroki shouto #shigaraki tomura #horikoshi kouhei #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

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help-me-im-old · 3 years

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Hi, I am 29 and I haven't really liked myself since 1997. I was supposed to post this on my birthday. My birthday was on the 30th of September, it took me 5 days to sit down and start writing this whole thing. This type of overthinking and procrastinating has always controlled my life. I am always late, I overanalyze before I start and rarely finish on time if I could finish at all. When I am worried about being successful, I overthink, overanalyze and over-stress myself to a point of shutting down.

The same thing happened exactly a month ago when I tried to take bike lessons. I used to ride a bike back when I was a kid, then stopped and developed a fear of falling. The first hour of the class, it was going relatively ok. All of a sudden, I did shut down. All I could think was that I would be a failure if I did not go on. I was clenching every muscle in my body. My heart rate was 180 according to my smartwatch. I stopped everything, sat down, and sobbed. Looking back, it sounds bizarre and pointless to even care about something so insignificant but I did, I pushed myself to a point of breaking down. That breakdown was the moment I realized I have built my own walls and obstacles my whole life. The tangled mess of desire for perfection, fear of failure, never-ending obsessions and compulsions, procrastination, and the eventual running away that dominates my brain became apparent. I know it sounds like a sudden realization but I had been finding the pieces since early 2021. It was just the moment the picture became a whole.

I could have said a lot of things that day instead, I decided to make a list. It was the first summit of my enlightenment mountain. It made me look back to all the actions I took in the last 20+ years, all the trauma I faced, and all the reactions to them. I thought hard about the list that night. A list that prioritizes enjoying the process, rather than stressing over the outcome. I googled online bucket lists and realized I already did 60 percent of them but enjoyed roughly 5 percent. I did learn foreign languages, English and French because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I did travel alone and the whole time I wished I was not depressed. I did dye my hair purple (and every other color) but I still hated myself. I did stay awake for 36 hours, my record 50 hours to be exact but I doubt it counts because having a sleeping schedule is more of a challenge for me. I came to the grim conclusion, if I want to make my bucket list enjoyable for me, I need to stop trying to force myself to do stuff other people think is cool. I don't want to skydive, I don't want to buy a designer bag, I don't want to pet a crocodile. I want to do silly and creative stuff, I want to achieve things and I want to enjoy them. There had to be a balance between downright goofy stuff and serious goals so it actually felt fulfilling. Lastly, it had to avoid any vague statements and strict outcome-based points. In this house, we do not obsess over the destination anymore. We enjoy the ride.

Here is my list explained:

1. Learn Tarot. Because why not? Those cards are mystical and entertaining. They give me insight into how I actually feel about certain prompts.

2. Get my Driver’s License. I’ve never even tried to learn to drive because I am terrified of hurting someone/something. I am so worried that I will crash, it makes me sick to even imagine myself driving. The only reason this is on my list is that I want to challenge my boundaries.

3. Make a Kite and Fly it. Just sounds like a fun activity.

4. Buy Matching Bras + Panties. I’ve always wanted to buy at least one.

5. Learn Stars and Stargaze. I have been obsessed with the night sky since I was a kid. My name has the word moon (in Turkish: ay) in it and I legit thought I was the estranged princess of the moon when I was 6 or something. When I was 14 I would sit on the balcony and stargaze for hours. So, it only makes sense to pay tribute to that.

6. Play a Song on Mandolin. I have a short story about that. In middle school, we were forced to learn an instrument, either mandolin or recorder. (if you were already playing an instrument, you could continue on that one.) I tried mandolin for a year, hated how I could not excel immediately, and left it for good as soon as I graduated. This year, I decided to re-learn it just to give it a fair chance and I actually enjoy it. I am hoping I can play songs that I actually like this year.

7. Start a Youtube Channel. I don’t know I feel like I need to try to make some videos for fun. It might help me, might not. Can’t know without trying.

8. Try 5 new cuisines. Simple enough. If there is someone reading, leave a suggestion. (Anything but Middle Eastern/Mediterranean, please)

9. Create a Time Capsule. Honestly, why not?

10. Be able to speak French. I know French grammar, I understand French. I have my B2 level. However, I am deadly terrified of speaking French. If you ask me anything in French, I will smile and leave.

11. Go to a Festival. I have a love-hate relationship with festivals, they sound fun until I realize I need to be there with other people. I like it when I am there, I hate it when I am not.

12. Enter a Competition. Preferably an architectural design one because I am an architect (almost).

13. Do Shadow Work and Journal Regularly. There have been things I have been hiding and suppressing for so long, it is about time that I face them and grow.

14. Invest in my Body. It is just a cute way of saying, I need to get in shape, be active and try to stay healthier because I have way too many illnesses. I have lost 9 kg (20 lbs) in the last 3 months (down from 101kg/222lbs to 92kg/202lbs) by not eating things I am intolerant to (milk & gluten). The best part is my IBS is manageable now. I also cut off refined sugar because it triggered inflammation in my body. I am not in favor of diet culture but I am actually feeling better physically. I am trying my best not to get in an unhealthy mindset about food, I try to be an intuitive eater and I reason things I can’t eat with physical conditions.

15. Learn to solve a Rubik’s Cube. This is a funny one because I can almost solve one. I just never learned to solve the last face. It is that the idea of finishing something makes me anxious.

16. Become a Baroness (in Sealand?). I really enjoy the concept of Sealand, not only that I also think it is amusing to buy yourself a 50 Euro royal title.

17. Get Ceramics Lesson. Something I have always wanted to do. The only problem is I don’t do well in a class setting but it is impossible to have a ceramics studio at home.

18. Plant a Tree. Trees are great, I would need to take care of it too and I don’t know if I am ready for that kind of commitment.

19. See a Caretta Caretta. I have lived in Turkey my whole life and have never seen a Caretta Caretta. Can you believe that?

20. Go on a Blind Date. Sounds interesting? Might be a horrible idea. I will need to ask someone I trust to refer me to someone they trust.

21. Become a Tourist in İstanbul. I was born and raised in Istanbul and honestly, I’d rather sit in a dark room for 8 hours than be at Grand Bazaar. I always go there to actually buy something though. As long as I pretend to be an aimless tourist, it might be an interesting experience.

22. Ride a Hot Air Balloon in Kapadokya. The only reason for this one is the last time I was there we were in a hurry.

23. Get very Flexible (Yoga, Pilates, etc.). I am naturally very flexible. (might be hypermobility) but I am not good at controlling it.

24. Learn to Dance. Why not? There is nothing to lose, other than time and money.

25. Write a Dumb Book + Publish it. Sci-fi novella, precisely. Just to be able to say I tried. Anyone interested, I may tell the full story.

26. Learn to Code. I have been learning Python for a while now. I would like to get better and actually code something.

27. Sew my Own Clothes. I am a very crafty person. As a result of being a very easily bored introvert, I’ve learned to distract myself with alone activities. I can sew, knit, and crochet, do embroidery, make small sculptures, paint and whatnot. There are some clothing items I would like to have but I can’t find them anywhere. Let’s make them at home?

28. Learn to do Latte Art. I can't even drink animal milk or soy milk. I don't know what was my reasoning behind this.

29. Have a Small Herb Garden. I cook a lot and use copious amounts of herbs (and spices), it might be fun to grow them. It might be good practice for keeping plants alive.

30. Graduate. Lastly, I still have my diploma project from university, I am scared to do it. I believe doing this will help me get to a new chapter in my life.

Note: I can't believe it took me 23 days to post this.

#30before30 #bucketlist #am i doing this correctly

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tododorks · 4 years

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quiet. ‣ izuku m.

➟ synopsis: he knew he was wrong, but maybe so were you. just two stupid teenagers.

➟ warnings: two stupid teenagers; possibly some inconsistencies; not proofread

➟ word count: 1.8k

➟ a/n: @ everyone who asked for a part two, hope this is okay, sorry it’s short. this is from both pov’s kind of, it should be easy to tell the difference hopefully. (this is a mess) the first bit is kind of confusing w/ the rest because i didn’t go into enough detail w/ that bit, but hey you can skip it

part one ‣ insignificant

.・。.・゜✭・.・✭・゜・。.

It’s funny how stupid people can be. And it’s funny once you realize that maybe you were the stupid one, that you were the one who messed up, how you deny it until eventually, you start to believe your stupid little lie.

Because you don’t want to believe you’re the bad guy.

You want to believe that you were being a good person, that you tried as hard as you could’ve to help. Even though you didn’t, and you knew you didn’t. It wasn’t an accident that the teary eyes and longing looks were never spoken of. Nothing was an accident, it hadn’t been for a while. Pretending it wasn’t real was easier than facing it.

Because you don’t want to believe you could’ve possibly done that to them, someone you supposedly loved.

. . .

People are stupid and can be oblivious to obvious at times, but Izuku wasn’t like that. And even if he didn’t notice something at first, he’d quickly pick up on it. He wasn’t just observant when it came to heroes, he noticed and memorized things about you that you probably didn’t even know yourself.

At first he dismissed it as just a bad morning, and when he asked later in the day you just said you felt sick. He believed you, why wouldn’t he? A week passed and you got worse. Not a lot, but he could still tell. You brushed it off once more and simply gave him a smile. He didn’t want to push you, so he stayed quiet hoping that perhaps you’d come to him.

Was that the right move?

The second week passed and you stayed the same. The same as the pervious week that is, quieter and stiff around him, if one wrong move would destroy you.

He noticed his first mistake when you were studying in the kitchen. The others were in the living room or in their rooms and it was just the two of you, besides the occasional student walking to grab a snack. You were explaining a problem for him, writing a similar example in his notebook. His eyes shifted from the paper to your hands.

When was the last time you held hands?

Actually– when was the last time he had hugged you, or even kissed you? He couldn’t remember when, answering his question. Too long.

His second mistake was not doing anything about it.

Before, you would be by his side before class would start, but now you sat in your seat far from him. He’d come by your desk sometimes, but you acted the same. Quiet and stiff.

Why were you like that now? Could it really have been because he hadn’t hugged you for a little while? He found it a little silly if that were the reason, but truthfully he had no idea what was going through your head, so maybe it was more than that.

“Y/N, angel?” He called out to you.

“Hey, Izuku. How are you?” You turned to him, giving the same smile you had for nearly three weeks. A smile clearly forced. Why couldn’t you just drop down your walls for a moment, let him know what you were feeling?

“Good,” He took a seat next to you. “Just wondering if you wanted to hang out with Iida and Ochako tomorrow? M-me too, obviously.” Damn it, he shouldn’t have stuttered.

You nodded and began to fiddle with the end of your skirt. You were anxious, weren’t you, but was it because of him? He quickly averted his gaze and patted your shoulder.

It didn’t feel right to him. A pat on the shoulder? Even when you were just friends there was an occasional hug. As he made his way back to his, he bit the inside cheek, mentally cursing at himself.

“U-um…” You stammered.

He looked back at you, waiting for you to speak, and yet you didn’t. Is this what you were anxious about? Speaking to him?

Knowing you, he waved and went back to his seat, the bell following shortly after. Chances are you wouldn’t have said anything. Every now and then he would look over in your direction. You looked okay now, he hoped you were okay now.

You didn’t seem okay with him.

. . .

I’ll meet up with you and Iida, okay?

sent 1:54p.m.

Oh, sure.

Is Ochako with you?

sent 1:56p.m.

yeah, sorry we had something to do. see you there?

sent 1:56p.m.

“She’s upset, isn’t she?” He mumbled to himself.

It wasn’t a lie, they did offer to help Hatsume with something and it just so happened to land on the day you were meant to walk with them. He frowned and sent Iida a quick text, asking him to check up on you when he saw you.

“She’ll be okay, Deku. It’s just one time.” Ochako reassured him, smiling sympathetically.

Iida noticed them first, shouting their names and waving at them. He looked away from Ochako and ran towards the two of you. She followed suit, somehow beating him though starting after. He heard her give you a compliment before seeing her turn to Iida.

“Hey, Izu.” To his surprise, you spoke first.

“Hey, Y/N!” He grinned, happy to see you a little more relaxed with him than in class.

Soon the four stood in a circle, him opposite you and vice versa. You spoke every once in a while, but sometimes when he’d look at you you seemed so uncomfortable.

You were okay with them before. Something happened– something happened, right?

Izuku had meant to ask to walk you home, but he got a call from his mom and had to leave early. He apologized to you, saying he’d walk with you another day and left. He wasn’t upset with his mom for asking him to leave early, more upset with himself for not doing anything about your discomfort.

When he’d asked Iida earlier he said you were okay, so maybe it was just him being there that made you so uncomfortable. But it couldn’t have been just because of him. There had to be a separate reason that you were keeping hidden too.

Or was it just really just his mere presence you couldn’t stand? What awful thing could he have done for you to be feel like that just by being near him and talking to him?

You haven’t been affectionate, you haven’t even made an effort even after knowing how long it’s been, he thought. Maybe she’s tired of it.

“That’s not... it’s a small thing...” He said.

Maybe to you.

“That’s bad isn’t it? I’m bad, huh.”

It seemed like a step in the right direction for you both, admitting that avoiding affection was bad of him, and if you didn’t know the outcome, you’d say it was. He did try to improve that area of your relationship, but unbeknownst to him, in a way he was helping you understand that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t just him that was the issue.

Truth be told it was never just him. It was your insecurities, your resistance to speak about it, and his lack of motivation and blindness to your true feelings. It was small things piling up. In some cases it’s worse than something that hits you suddenly because you don’t realize you need to stop it until it’s already too high, out of reach.

. . .

“This is nice, isn’t it?” You mumbled against Izuku’s chest. He hummed in response and continued his work. He had an earbud in one ear, and you could faintly the music. A quiet sigh slipped past your lips and you grabbed onto his shirt tightly, closing your eyes.

Your actions didn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. He took his earbuds out and wrapped his arms around your waist, stroking your hair. “You okay?”

“Mhm, just tired,” You said. “You can go back to your homework, I don’t mind.”

“I could use a break.” He rested his head on yours. “Wanna take a quick nap?”

It didn’t take long to settle on his bed. As soon as he got comfortable, he was fast asleep, slight drool trickling down the corner of his mouth. But you laid there, clinging to his shirt as if your life depended on it, wide awake. Normally the afternoon sunlight helped you sleep. It’s warmth was comforting, but even it couldn’t comfort you now.

Izuku had become more affectionate and talkative to you lately. At least, more than he was before. There were cute good morning texts everyday, nightly reminders to sleep and make sure you didn’t stay up too late. Regular dates, well, you liked to call them dates though really it was just the two of you hanging out. It brought you hope and for a moment, just a moment, you believed everything would work out. It was a silly thought, but hope itself is silly, isn’t it? Especially when there’s so clearly no good ending.

There was a part of you always wondering the right answer to Bakugou’s question– “Is it really worth it?”– to be exact. Back then, the answer seemed obvious and yet it didn’t seem like the right answer. But maybe it was your guilt telling you not to say it. The inevitable guilt you’d feel if you broke his heart... And now, the right answer only seemed farther.

You tried not to feed into the thoughts any longer, shutting your eyes and bringing yourself closer to Izuku (if that was even possible), hoping to find any solace in your sleep. He was warm as always. A snore interrupted the quiet every once in a while, followed by the occasional mumbling. He’s as adorable as ever, you thought, brushing some hair out of his face. Sleep came soon after.

. . .

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

It was a similar afternoon. Quiet and warm, the two of you even held each other the same as that day. Laying down on his bed, facing each other. One of his arms was draped across your waist and the other he rested his head on. Except it was a different time, close to a year apart. Not just that, but everything was different. The circumstances of how you found yourself in this position were different too.

“For not understanding you and being an ass.”

“I didn’t try to either, we’re both at fault, you know.”

Back then it seemed as though it was like the two of you were opening up the door of possibility again– starting anew. This time it was a goodbye to your former relationship.

An odd way to end a relationship, being in the arms of your ex, but it happened that way nonetheless. It was a decision the two of you had come to mutually, both knowing it had been coming for a long time. The first break up, end of your first love. But it was okay, and it really was this time.

“We’re kind of stupid.”

“Mhm, two stupid teenagers.”

#bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #reader insert #mha #x reader #bnha angst #mha angst #midoriya izuku #midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #deku x reader #izuku x reader #bnha x reader angst #mha x reader angst #midoriya angst #midoriya izuku x reader angst #deku angst

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jafndaegur · 4 years

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Sesskag Week 2020 | Day 1: Crime

He-who-annoyed-her

Sesskag

a/n: If you accuse me of writing a wannabe BNA au, then I mean...youre not wrong but way to call me out lol

Kagome took a deep breath when she woke up. The unfamiliar room and the unfamiliar sounds of a city that wasn't her own caused her to pause and bite her lip. Sitting up was a disorienting affair. It felt as though the air hammered against her from every side, and it took every second of her waking to try and just focus on herself and the action of sitting up in bed.

"You're focusing too hard on the wrong things," the low voice from the other side of her door huffed, slightly muffled. "Just breathe. Let everything flow around you."

She growled and grit out, "I'm not in the mood."

There was no reply and she welcomed the silence.

That man on the other side of the door infuriated her. If she could even call him a man for that matter. That male. She groaned and rested her forehead against her palms, wishing she was anywhere else but here.

Still...she wondered how solid his advice was, he who annoyed her. Taking a few stabilizing breaths, she focused on the sounds and shifted pass the sensations—like strokes through water. Gradually and painstakingly slow, the overstimulation eased away. The bombardment that had assaulted her mind, all those irritants that she couldn't quite name, finally petered off. Taking a breath of relief, she slid her legs off the bed and dressed for the day.

Opening her door, the back side of he-who-annoyed-her faced her from across the room. His head was bent down and yet his posture was impeccable as always. The shorts strands of his hair tampered back along the base of his head, stopping just above the nape of his neck—pointed ears displayed quite clearly. The rest of him was hidden away behind an ever-pristine white coat, a red t-shirt, and jeans. He looked so clean cut, Kagome was almost grateful he wasn't wearing a stereotypical PI outfit of trench coat and suit.

"You are in less distress." His tone never wavered and it never reached anything other than a disinterested monotone.

"Thanks for the advice," she muttered.

"Hn." He shut the book he'd been occupying and returned it to the shelf in front of him. "You'll find no shortage of youki, jaki, and miasma in this city. For as long as you stay here, a natural ability to ignore it is apparently imperative for your daily functions."

Kagome bit her lip and nodded, despite the sharp pang of pride stinging and making her want to snap and tell him she knew exactly how to block out things that weren't her reiki—she knew he was just trying to help. In fact helping was all the man, male demon she corrected herself, had done.

He turned around so that the bright glitter of his gilded eyes, and the stark contrast of crescent moon and magenta stripes on full display. This was Private Investigator Sesshomaru. Current landlord of her loft (which was actually a rooftop janitor's closet in his study) and interestingly enough her savior.

He stared listlessly at his nails. "I've recorded and analyzed the scents at the site where you were found. Based on the olfactory trails that were left behind, you were kidnapped and dragged here by a centipede demon."

"Centipede demon?" Kagome echoed with an owlish blink.

He flicked his gaze up with an unamused expression and didn't repeat himself.

There was a pause as Kagome messed absentmindedly with her bangs. Three days ago she woke up in one of the most dangerous places a girl like her, a miko to be exact, could be. Shikon City. A city with a 100% population of demons or those of direct demon descent. Not knowing where she was or how she was there, she suddenly woke—her body ablaze and overreacting to the completely untamed demonic energy that saturated the metropolis. And in her loss of control that was when he-who-annoyed-her found her, knocked her out, and took her to his home. Because there was one teeny tiny problem about Shikon city, unless you were an official or extremely and brazenly overpowered, the barrier surrounding the town neither let things in or let them out. So obviously the PI had questions. Questions she couldn't answer.

What's your name?

"Kagome Higurashi."

Occupation?

"I'm a highschool student—although I just applied for my first year at Tokyo university."

You realize demons cannot leave this area, correct?

"W...what do you mean demons? We're in Meguro...aren't we?"

You're human.

"Um. Aren't you?"

"Thanks to your scent being eradicated by your reiki outburst a few days ago, I can neither confirm nor deny that you are actually from outside the barrier," Sesshomaru clenched his hand. "However your little stunt did not vanquish the smells on the surrounding ground and further behind you. Congratulations Ms. Higurashi, you may be able to process out of here in less than a month if what you claim is true."

Ah yes. That was one other thing, and it was the main reason for why she'd so kindly dubbed him the annoyance of her existence. "I told you. I had a wallet on me, and it wasn't there when you found me. Someone must've pinched my wallet, but if you find that, my ID in it would prove that I really am not a demon or from this city!"

"And yet conveniently, said-wallet disappeared before I arrived on the scene of your kidnapping."

"Aren't you a detective? Isn't it your job to find missing things?" She bit out with exasperation.

"You need money to hire me, Ms. Higurashi." He gave her a cruel and fanged smile. "And that was stolen. Apparently. Be grateful I'm scenting without charge as to why you are missing from wherever you came."

Her lip curled up in anger and she stormed away. Sesshomaru made no move to stop her and she was glad. Maybe she'd find her own way out! She didn't need that stupid, smug, stuck-up jerk's help. After all she was a miko, if she could make a barrier then surely she could escape one.

Outside in the open-city was as unnerving as it had been the first day. Different auras of all demonic pedigrees pressed upon her as if they knew she were a human. As if they knew they could disperse the holy energies inside of her. She shivered and didn't like the idea. Trudging along she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to avoid bumping into people along the walkways. The demons here were for the most part humanoid. Sesshomaru told her no one took on their true forms unless it were for festivals or protection. And extreme emotional overload. Her warned her that for every chance that she could blow a circuit, so could a demon. And neither outcome would be pretty.

Something pulsed.

The air, herself, the aura inside her. Sight shooting up, she swung her gaze everywhere, trying to spot what drew in her power. And that's when she saw her. An eerily tall, four armed woman with wiry wavering locks. She was walking away from her, and right then and there Kagome felt a shiver of familiarity. A centipede demon. What were the chances? Honestly in a demon city, what were the chances.

Tucking herself to the crowd and trying to appear small, Kagome followed the woman. There was no proof that the demoness had stolen the wallet—but if it was the same centipede that Sesshomaru had sniffed out, then it was really truly super super possible that the wallet had been stolen by her kidnapper. The only question was, why go through the impossible hassle of dragging Kagome from the human city to a demon one. It shouldn't have even been plausible and yet somehow it happened. But all that was taken was a little tiny wallet that was hardly more than an over-glorified coin purse.

Kagome tailed the centipede demon to a back alley that led into a dumpster area—little more than a small turnabout for garbage trucks to circle around once they've picked up their loads behind the buildings. Crouching against the wall and doing her best to hide, she waited to see what the centipede would do. To her horror, the woman turned towards her direction and slid a long and slimy tongue from parted lips. Between clawed hands she reached into the pockets of her outfit and held Kagome's missing item in the air.

"Oh little human so predictable. Come out, come out, I'm hungry," she sang out.

Hand covering her mouth, Kagome paled. Oh no.

"You need this don't you?" The demoness didn't move, just swung the pink wallet back and forth like a pendulum without a string. "All I had to do was hold onto this and my little meal came back to me without a fight and more importantly without that stupid guard dog. How tantalizing. I like obedience in a girl."

Something struck a nerve.

Kagome stood up and stomped her way over, holy pink aura unhinged with her anger. "I'm hardly obedient! Least of all to someone like you!"

"Oh but you came to me, didn't you?" The centipede dropped the wallet and lunged—maw outstretched and ready to snatch up her snack.

No time to lose, Kagome ducked to the side, wrapping herself around the woman's leg and sending out a bolt of her aura. Purification rose into the air like the crisp clean stench of bleach. The demoness fell back and screamed as her leg faded away to wisps of incense—her body spasmed in pain as the residual effects of the purifying blast took its toll. Smiling Kagome picked herself up and sauntered over to her wallet. Well that was that.

One moment she was on her own two feet and the next she was elevated upside down, body restrained by tight exoskeletal coils. Kagome screamed and kicked, sending wave after wave of her miko abilities. And yet the hold on her only constricted.

The centipede woman extended her jaw and giggled. "See if you can get through my skin now, little human. Your struggling makes me even more hungry!"

This is it. This is where I die.

A flash of white, an agonizing scream, and then Kagome slammed into the hard cold cement. Her head spun and her limbs protested in agony. But when she looked up, Sesshomaru stood in front of her—protectively, angrily—claws barred and nose in the air. The centipede woman was no longer in her true form. The centipede woman was no longer. She lay in pieces, in shambles, in tatters on the floor melted by acid and torn apart.

Not a single spot of blood stained the PI's still immaculate jacket.

Sesshomaru turned around with a smug grin that quickly faded while she sat up. His nose flared and his gaze snapped to the abandoned and pink wallet by his foot. He grabbed it and flipped it open, staring at the contents as if they personally offended him.

The glare he shot her could've burnt a hole through her forehead if she had been paying attention. It took her a moment, but she realized why his nose was acting up. That wallet, that precious little thing that she'd been desperate to find and that he hadn't cared to find, held one thing that spoke on more volumes to he-who-annoyed-her than the words printed on the plastic ID in the pockets. That wallet had been stolen before she woke up her first day in Shikon City, and subsequently before she had burned her own scent in the subconscious attempt to self-purify.

That meant her pure and unblemished scent, the details of her original home and original whereabouts, all sat there waiting for him to take a sniff and realize.

"Will you help me now?" She staggered to her feet and cradled her side.

His gaze slid to where her hand rested, and lifted a delicate brow at the sight of blood seeping through her shirt. One of the slabs of the centipede's skin must've sliced the side.

"Only a human," he huffed and pocketed the wallet. He easily slid his arms beneath her legs and scooped her up against him. "Once we patch you up, we'll take you to the police for an official statement. This one will be able to start conducting the investigation from there."

Kagome smiled weakly and poked his chest. "Hey. Did you save me for free too?"

He rolled his eyes and didn't answer, carrying her out of the alleyway.

#skw2020d1 #sesskag #sesskagweek2020 #sesshomaru #sesshomaru x kagome #kagome higurashi #bna ish #au: brand new animal #i hope you like this steaming pile of garbage i served for day one i had waaay too much fun with it #skw2020

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