#i’m finding myself again

[biillet-doux]

i used to romanticize my life, every detail of it. i used to consistently find love for even the smallest of things. i used to think so highly of every moment. there was vibrancy in everything.

i lost myself, the older i got. the older i got, the less i romanticize my life. the less i find the positives in things. everything became more dull.

i’m now on a journey of rediscovering the beauty in everyday life. i crave that romantic feeling of everything that caught my eye. i crave that vivid vibrancy that everything appeared once before.

i will get there. my gods, i cannot wait.

[foursaints]

nothing funnier than barty taking notorious bad bitch professor aurora sinistra to the yule ball actually. while still disguised in moody’s old man body. barty crouch jr is in a life-or-death imposter situation with monumental stakes doing the most impressively sustained method acting anyone has ever seen. but if there is one trait he cannot ever manage to suppress it is his rizz

[helloimtired]

never being anyone’s best friend or the most important person in anyone’s life, ever, can really fuck you up emotionally

[honorthysalad]

Seems like Yoshiki’s eyes are starting to lose shape whenever he’s stressed out, starting with his left pupil getting more jagged when he’s putting back ‘Hikaru’s head in ch22, and then in ch24, his left iris moves to the side.

[lazzarella]

So, I'm super new to Thai BLs (as in, just started watching them a week ago, because I'm dumb and didn't realise how easy to access they were lmao) but I've watched a lot of romance (movies/shows) over the years, both queer and het. And I've seen a lot of onscreen couples with great chemistry!

Couples who look at each other in a way that makes you feel like you're intruding, or whose kisses (or more) are fire, or who do those longing looks that make you ache, or who are just so damn sweet together you get a toothache, etc. and so on. But I feel like it's rare to find two people who can do ALL of that really well?

But MileApo do (does?? IDK how to grammar with ship names lol) all of that extraordinarily well on top of being so. Fucking. Funny! Seriously. Finding comedic partners like that is a pretty rare thing too, I think

And then to balance all of that and have none of it feel forced??? To have two actors who have that comedic and dramatic range, who can be that vulnerable with each other, can play off each other like that, (and I think they're both really early in their careers? Like I said, I'm new here!), IDK... It's definitely special! All the praise I read beforehand was not undue

I know I'm so late to the party here but I'm just so blown away that I'm embarrassing myself by rambling on Tumblr but I needed to get my feelings out somewhere and where better than this hellsite haha (and sorry to my three followers who were here for Saltburn 🤣)

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Okay so legitimate question here, but is bkdk canon canon or heavily implied but with plausible deniability fanon canon now? I know it’s some flavor of canon because I’ve seen some panels and it looks super extra rainbow gay in the epilogue, but I can’t tell if Hori actually made them gay, or if it’s heavy handed queerbaiting that we’re all just running away with as the new canon. Like did we kidnapped the characters and declared it canon no matter what the official story says, or did the man actually say it??

[communistkenobi]

more and more I’ve been wanting to go by they/them but I don’t want to give cis people the wrong idea that I’m not actually a man because I know they would not fucking behave

[mirrren]

He’s so Christian rock

[candyheartedchy]

Feeling disconnected again…

[seraphicalsuccubus]

I’m sorry for a really heavy post but um, I am literally in the throes of the most intense and miserable and fucking sickening and psychologically convoluted mental fucking battle with my paranoia and straight up panicking myself senseless right now, so I really need to just vent about how I feel like my anxiety just decided it needed to beat the ever loving shit out of me with a fucking steel chair or some shit, out of nowhere for no fucking goddamn reason at 4 in the morning and just left me to fucking rot afterwards, so like ?? okay ?? thanks for this ??

but it has done so to the point where I’m shaking uncontrollably and can’t relax any part of my fucking body and I’m cold like, in my fucking bones, which is weird. and I just feel this very debilitating sinking feeling that something very, very bad is coming for me. and soon. as if it’s very much so this imminent threat and going to happen very fucking quickly. but out of absolutely nowhere so I won’t be able to brace myself for it even though I know it’s coming because I still don’t know when it’s coming. I just know that it is. and it’s like I have this deeply rooted pit of that like, fucking terrifying, stop you in your tracks despite wanting to force yourself to just run until you can’t anymore in any attempt to try to get away from it, kind of fear that has grown in my stomach so fast that I feel physically sick. and at the same time, I also have what feels like a huge hand balled up in a fist and tightening everything I have in my chest and I can’t fucking breathe.

I feel like I’m suffocating and drowning and I’m being whirlpooled in this fucking wave of unending alarm bells sounding from every nook and cranny in my head right now from my intuition telling me something isn’t right and also warning me of something worse on the way. because it’s as if this … this horribly intense, chilled to the bone, fucking heart stopping, breath catching in your throat and physically choking to death on the fear, just absolutely sickening feeling of fucking dread has made it’s nasty little unwanted self a home in me for the time being, and I am unable to evict it or ignore it no matter what I do. it’s just fucking buried itself deep in the core of my being and my psyche, and it’s fucking taunting me and eating at me because I don’t know what is going to happen, but something is going to happen. it’s fucking haunting me. something bad is coming and I’m so unbelievably fucking afraid of what it is after everything else I’ve had to deal with up until this that has never fucking once instilled this kind of, like, just full on fucking gut wrenching paranoia and dread, or this kind of immediate emotional and mental kind of like weird ‘natural selection is coming for me and I’ve gotta come out a survivor’ sort of fear response in my entire being. I’ve never felt a fear this all encompassing and … oddly life threatening? but more in like the stress is going to give me a heart attack and kill me at 27 not like as if someone’s going to come actively murder me, just to clarify. but I feel like I’m actually fucking losing my grip on fucking reality because of this panic episode. I seriously can’t just shake this one off like usual and smoke myself to sleep and forget about. I’m like, actually very genuinely fucking terrified of whatever’s going to happen to me next in my life, instead of looking forward to the future like I have been for a while.

I now feel like at any time from here on that my life itself is going to fucking unravel around me and I can’t stop it and I can’t predict when it’s going to start or what is going to trigger it. I can only watch and desperately grasp at the shreds while it’s all fucking ripped away from me without any warning and I’m left back in that hole I was in for so long, once again.

it’s coming. and I don’t know what it is. but it’s absolutely not good. and I am genuinely afraid that I’m legitimately going to panic myself into a fucking heart attack because of my anxiety and all this fucking mental stress, in the very near future if this feeling doesn’t fucking leave before it kills me.

I’m just. tired. I’m so fucking tired and fatigued and exhausted on a molecular fucking level at this point, and it never leaves. I am always constantly fucking drained and tired in a way that sleep just cannot provide the rest that my soul needs, and I feel very defeated lately. like fucking hell, can’t I get a fucking break? just fucking once? just for a fucking day? before I literally lose myself entirely to my mental illnesses again and ruin all the fucking progress I’ve made all these years as if it didn’t fucking matter and have to start from fucking scratch after all this time? I thought things were finally looking up, why is this happening again? why must I constantly live with this ingrained, irrational, petrifying mental fear of just … something? why do I never know what it is, but always know when whatever it is, is coming for me?

like, fuck. I don’t know what karmic bullshit this is punishing me for from a past life but I hope that version of me fucking rots eternally for whatever the fuck they did to cause this kinda of mental turmoil on my current incarnation. because this stupid fucking deep seated panic randomly blooming in my chest until it just clenches it all in a ball, and burying itself even deeper in my stomach, and starting to take over my fucking logical sense of thought and reason that I find myself now constantly fucking at war with, is actually going to be the fucking death of me.

I’ve always joked that stress was going to kill me because I really am a constant ball of fucking nerves and paranoia and stress, but I was kinda hoping I wouldn’t be right about that one.

talk about manifesting gone wrong, lmfao 🫠

sorry for taking y’all on this rollercoaster of ridiculous emotional and mental fucking warfare against myself, with me ??? I don’t know 😭 I just needed someone to talk to and it’s easier to just make a post than bother anyone personally because I don’t want to burden anyone specifically with my shit. but right now I’m just screaming to the void I guess so it’s different, I don’t know. I’ll end this here and try to go calm my panic, really hope y'all are having a better night than I am 😭

[jeanmoreaue]

can’t stop thinking about the idea of a Kevin pov prequel like starting with his time in the nest, befriending Jean, breaking his hand, leaving the nest and meeting his father for the first time, the decision to join the Foxes, and the decision to finally start playing again after thinking his whole world was coming down around him, and then ending with the decision to recruit Neil. i could go on

[mxtxfanatic]

Y’all think Xie Lian will ever share what happened to him pre-second banishment with Feng Xin and Mu Qing, particularly the things that happened to him after they left?

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

[alwaysneedyforsir]

is a hug too much to ask for

[bugeyedfreaks]

Okay guys, what is going on?! 😳

I had to make an emergency stop at a Wal-Mart this weekend and found OG Powerpuff Girls pants and a hoodie?! With the original logo and everything?!

(Actually, credit and love to @burninglilly-art for telling me about the pants in the first place, but I couldn’t find them at my local store and thought it might be a lost cause! Fate thought otherwise! 💖)

Then today I ended up having to kill some time because of some surprise traffic, so I went into a Five Below for the first time in forever… and look at the magnet I found right before I left that was at the exit?!?!

And it was the only one there!

All I can say is that fate has been ultra weird this weekend for inexplicably drawing me to these stores to find these things, but I’m thankful for it! 💙💖💚

[stylesrecord]

i wonder if he still does this or has discovered the capabilities of google calendar