#i’ve been begging. pleading for years to just find someone that could understand and like ik this sounds edgy as fuck but like

[munamania]

alright. best i can settle on is take her at her word but not. end being friends with her. i just. i don’t expect anything from her. do i wish? yeah but like. i know it’s messy maybe and i’ve had these feelings built up for forever but it’s all just human and. really getting to know her as a person is different and i feel safe with her. i feel like maybe some day i could tell her and it would be okay

[bxeckersz]

Let You Go | Caitlin Clark x Ex gf!reader

Summary: Y/n just can’t seem to let Caitlin go.

Warnings: language

A/n: hey guys, i’m locking in and posting all my drafts today 💪🏽.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I don’t understand. You said you’d never leave. You told me that you’d be there but you lied again to me.

It’s been 2 months since me and Caitlin broke up. Our relationship spiraled to shit after 3 years. I pick up my phone, scrolling through the photo album of her titled “Cait 💍🤍”

“I can’t do this anymore Y/n.” Caitlin yells, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What- What do you mean.” My heart drops to my stomach.

“This. Us! I can’t do this anymore. All we do is argue!” She screams, motioning between us. “Cait- please don’t say that. I- We could talk this out. Please.” I plead, grabbing a hold of her arm. Caitlin shakes her head, moving her arm.

“Cait-“ I say, tears falling. “I- i’m sorry. Please.” I beg, watching as she packs her bag. “I’m done, y/n. this shit is miserable.” She mutters, walking towards the door.

“Caitlin, please don’t walk away from me.” I cry. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” Is all she mutters before walking out and slamming the door. I notice she takes the ring and necklace off that i bought her.

All I can do is cry.

You’re always on my mind, and when it’s late at night I think of what you’re doing. Do you think of me sometimes?

Tears fall from my face as I scroll through the photo album that seems endless. I wipe my tears with the sleeve of her hoodie that i’m wearing.

I throw my phone down, sobbing louder and harder. I pull out a box from underneath my bed. It’s not just any box. It’s a box full of things that Caitlin has bought me.

I cry pulling out the items.

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control. Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go.

A teddy bear she won me at our first date to the fair.

So if you wanna talk to me again

Endless polaroid pictures of the two of us.

Don’t try to act like we were always friends

A candle she bought me because it reminded her of me.

When i’m all alone, I try to clear my mind

A charm bracelet she bought me for our one year anniversary.

But you’ll be coming back and you’ll be saying that all night

A bracelet she bought me with a ‘C’ and a basketball bead on it.

I never did you wrong. I’ve always had your side.

A matching necklace she bought me.

And you just took it all away, and make me wanna cry

A hoodie she bought me simply because it was my favorite color

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control.

Everything in this apartment reminds me of her. I can still smell her in the air. Everyday I wait for her to arrive home from Practice.

Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go

Everyday I wait for her to get home and ramble about her day.

So if you wanna talk to me again

She was my first love. and she threw it down the drain like i was nothing.

Don’t try to act like we were always friends

Sometimes I find myself doing our morning and night routine. Preparing things for her like I have the past three years.

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control.

I even find myself buying her favorite foods and snacks when I go grocery shopping.

Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go

I can’t get her off my mind. I can’t let her go. Her laugh. Her corny jokes. Her cheesy smile. The way she used to wrap her arms around me. Her touch. Her voice.

And when i’m feeling down, I lose all control.

I miss her so much. I spent three years of my life loving the same person. Catering for the same person. Just for her to turn away and throw it all away like I don’t matter.

Emotions keep coming and i’m trying to let you go.

I find myself Calling for her to open things for me. Or grab things off the top shelf. Or help me pick something you wear.

It hurts to remember she’s not with me to help anymore.

And when i’m feeling down I lose all control

I cry pulling all of the things out the box. I’ve never been this heart broken over someone. Never.

Emotions keep coming

“Please, come home.” I cry, hugging onto the stuffed teddy bear she bought me.

“please.”

And i’m trying to let you go.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Thanks for reading all the way through!

[avatarkv]

Two hearts on the floor— one mine, both yours. (And when he died, the sun was buried with him)

You can’t seem to get over it— him.

Content and warning: Neteyam x Reader! Mentions of death. This is purely angst, trust me it does not get better haha good luck

“I want to go home,” You applied pressure to the bleeding wound, eyes never leaving his. Time was a ticking bomb and any second now could be the last so you pleaded— begged! Not now Eywa, you cried, don’t take my darling like this.

His cold hand gripped your wrist tightly, the other on Lo’ak and it only made you shudder in disbelief. The waves hit violently towards the shore and it was difficult to keep track of the voices; a mourning mother, the regret of a brother, and the mistake of Jake Sully— all from the loss of a first born. On top of that, your heart broke loudly that it became inaudible, like white noise growing higher and higher.

“Dad, I” He faltered and then, no more.

☆

“You still with me?” Neteyam tilted his head near yours, worry etched along the creases of his forehead. It was unlike you to be so quiet, especially in escapades with him during eclipses. Times like these were rare, given the responsibilities you both shouldered and the multiple eyes strictly watching over you.

“Sorry, what was it?” You asked, a sudden sting running through your head making you grimace.

“I said, I wanna finally tell my father,” Guilt immediately seized your insides; he was bawling his heart out and you had only spaced out. What was that gut-wrenching sting just then that had taken a piece of your mind?

“I’ve always been so conflicted when I’m not even supposed to— Heck, I’m only thirteen. I thought,” He palmed his face harshly, sighing deeply right after. “I thought I had it good, having Toruk Makto as a father. Five year old me was the proudest, if not a bit boastful too.”

A depressing pause followed after, his shagged breath growing deeper by the second, as if he carefully plucked the words already long buried. Neteyam wasn’t always the mighty warrior everyone drew him to be; he was a coward— terribly scared of what his father would say when his first born denies him of his demands.

“But now, there’s this huge difference that draws the line between being the Toruk Makto and a father and I deeply miss the latter.”

If people could hear how your heart cracked just now, it would bellow throughout pandora. You embraced him tightly, and he let out another sigh that sounded like it was plucked from the deepest pit of his stomach— like he carried all the problems of the world. Poor boy, only wanted what was best.

“I see you, my yawne.” You caressed his cheeks and he took the moment to fully bask in the heat of your palm. How long has it been when someone touched him like this? It was always you that gave him great comfort and he was grateful. “Your father will understand, so help knock some sense onto him, yes?”

He chuckled. “I see you too, ma y/n.”

“Neteyam?” He hummed in response and you felt it vibrate through your body. You love him deeply and you’d do anything to help carry the burden, “I feel you, always.”

☆

It dawned you, he never had the chance to tell Jake.

You wake up, eyes still adjusting to your dim surroundings. It was night still and hearing the sound of harsh waves hitting the shore in the distance fluxed your insides with familiar anguish— had it really been two years since then? You couldn’t tell. Making your way out your pod, you weren’t at all surprised seeing a figure sitting by the sand. Slowly, you sat with him, making your presence known with a soft hi.

“Him again?”

“I would be a big fat liar if I said it didn’t bother me anymore” you chuckled, remembering the countless times you’ve had this conversation already. It was almost like a routine at this point— finding Lo’ak here, talking about him, seeking comfort in each other’s pain. “I don’t think I could ever unlearn him, Lo’ak. I have loved him a bit too much and now I have to stomach it for every day to come.”

“I’m sorry,” For a minute, his mouth stayed agape and deprived of any words. He debated if he should say more instead of lousy apologies, but it was all he had; Lo’ak kept mountains of apologies— sorry for being a trouble child, sorry for not listening, sorry for not doing better. The list would go on and on, but he would never get the chance to get it out his chest so it continued to pile. He sighed, dropping his head.

“It’s not your fault, Lo’ak” You say it again like every other time, but you meant it always. He only hummed in response. You sat in silence with only the noise out for company. It was peaceful like this; no more war, no reprimanding, and no bickering— but at what cost?

“My prayers that night be damned— all of it.” You stood up after hours of watching the water sway indefinitely, legs wobbling from it being idle for a while. It isn’t as heavy anymore, you’ve realized; the conversations weren’t as long unlike before and it’s been long since you have both confided in each other with tears. Maybe it has been two years. “I’m going back to bed, you should allow yourself to rest too, okay?”

“Hey, y/n?” He called out after only taking a few steps.

“Yes?”

“I feel you, always.”

☆

And when you slept, of course it was him again. It was always Neteyam. You were back to the familiar greenery and atmosphere

“You don’t look so pleased for someone who’s been dying to hunt with me all this week,” He laughed, but the way your lips quivered alarmed him so he quickly made his way towards you. “What’s wrong, why are you crying?”

And he seemed so young, you noticed. Dreams aren’t always this vivid; sometimes it fades into blur and a few comes in fleeting sights, but today he stood so real. Only now you felt embarrassed of how you looked— hair unbraided and unruly, posture restless, and you probably looked older— more mature. It was like time only worked for you while he stayed ethereal. It stung how this might continue on and on until you appear all gray and tired. He never became Olo’eyktan and he never became your mate. Funny how he’d forever stay as a child without ever feeling the joy of being one.

“If it was Eywa’s will to take you away from me, then why do you still come back?” You traced his face and its features; the dots and the stripes of his skin. You desperately pictured him over and over, afraid that you would someday forget how he looked like and his entirety would contort to nothing but a distant haze. “I do not feel you anymore, Neteyam, please come home to me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m here, you’re here,” Neteyam swept a few strands of locks behind your ears. He started to feel uneasy and was debating if hunting would be a good idea while you seemed under the weather. “We’re home, always been.”

This was compensation, you thought. The great mother must have taken pity for her to send Neteyam to infiltrate your dreams every night and you were beyond desperate. You shook your head, hugging him as close as you can. “Sorry, just had another bad dream this morning.”

“We are home, Neteyam, always.”

☆ mauve here! i present to you *drum roll* neteyam angst because GOD DAMN I CANNOT GET OVER IT I HATE EVRYONE I HATE YOU JAMES FOR KILLING HIM AND AND AND

the title (and when he died, the sun was buried with him) will be a series of me mourning over his death haha so buckle up. mauve out! ☆

[teashadephoenix]

I looked up an old friend today, for no real reason other than I thought of her randomly. (Actually it was her birthday four days ago. Maybe that’s why she was lurking in the dark parts of my brain.) 

Things did not end well between this person and I. We were friends for eight years. Most of that time was spent “breaking up” bc she was the type of person who lost interest in me if she got a boyfriend, and she had to have a boyfriend, but she had bad judgment (like everybody does when youre 17) so they would cheat on her or were bad boyfriends, or whatever. So she’d dump them and come be my friend again-- for a few months, until she forgave the boyfriend or found a new one. This was exacerbated by the fact that even when we were hanging out, we fought. I couldn’t tell you what we ever fought about, but I do know that I wrote letter after letter telling her I was done with being treated badly and that I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. But she always managed to find a way back in.

It wasn’t until after my mom died and I ventured into the adult world that I really saw how abusive she was. She talked down to me. She talked over me. My opinions were worthless. She had no respect for my beliefs (she was always trying to convert me to Christianity by way of “casually” reminding me I was going to Hell if I didn’t.) She was openly homophobic at a time in which I was just beginning to really question my own sexuality. I knew I would never be able to be honest with this person --who called herself my best friend-- about who I was. I’ve also referred to this person occasionally when talking about my asexuality journey, because she was the one who kept trying to set me up on blind dates and could not accept that I was happy being single. (Which, I get. I get that it’s hard to understand where someone is coming from when it’s so different from your own place. But that’s literally part of being a compassionate human being: accepting others’ differences even if you maybe don’t fucking get it.)

There is just... so much damage that this person did to me, that still affects me today. She was my first real brush with a Christian who wasn’t my mother, and she’s laid the foundation for all the Christians who followed her. I still have a hard time trusting people who say theyre Christian, bc I know no matter how much I beg and plead for them not to, the conversion attempts will follow. She is why I have a hard time talking things out when I am frustrated, why I simply let things fester in resentment-- because I couldn’t discuss any problem that arose between us without calling a guilt trip down on my own head. Any criticisms were mortal wounds to her ego, and she played the victim until I was apologising for bringing it up. I know the narcissist’s handbook now but 16 years ago I did not. She’s probably the reason I don’t like having people in my house, because she used to come over and stay nine, ten hours, and of course I couldn’t ask her to go home, because she would take it personally. (And no, before you ask, I did not have any other friends. I had been convinced, a little bit by her and mostly by my own self, that I was bad with people and couldn’t make other friends, so I had to hang on to the one that I had.)

Even just writing this out is bringing back the anxiety that I used to feel when she’d texted to say she was on her way to my house. I haven’t seen her in years and it’s as real as it was the last day I saw her. And I’m so fake, even now, with people. I can have so much anger and frustration boiling under the surface and you’d never know because Im so used to pretending everything is fine. 

Anyway, all this to say:

It isn’t just parents or romantic partners that can hurt you. How we relate to people is built by all the people we know, parents, teachers, regular faces in the crowd. And friends. That is how we learn how to people, by being with people.

And anybody can abuse you, especially when you trust them not to. Friends have a special key to your heart and you must be wary who you let in there. 

Because friends who talk down to you are not your friends. Friends who make you feel afraid to be who you are are not your friends. Friends who give you anxiety attacks at the mere idea of them coming over are not your friends.

But if you let them have a key, they can trash the place and you are the one left picking up the mess. Sometimes that shit takes years. Sometimes you can think it’s okay, that everything’s back where it’s supposed to go, and then you remember it’s their birthday and everything just upends itself off a table.

[ensnapemysenses]

i just want a sappy, angsty one shot where schoolboy!Sev has a crush on popular, pretty reader but he doesn’t feel like he deserves them and ends up confessing his feelings while having a breakdown in front of reader and they comfort him, confessing as well

(btw i love your writing style, you really are a gem to the community❤️)

Long Awaited Confession

Genre: Slight angst with a happy ending, fluff

Pairing: Student Snape x Student Reader

Warnings: some arguing, talking about bullying

Word Count: 999

Masterlist

A/N: Thanks for liking my writing! It really means a lot! Lot's of love! <3

Severus has had a crush on (Y/N) since their first year at Hogwarts. They had befriended him on the train when they had sat beside him in the carriage, but their friendship quickly became – complicated. They had quickly risen in popularity and they were soon of the most popular students in the whole school. Severus, on the other hand, became as popular as a flobberworm the moment he set foot inside the castle. He had immediately been sought out as scum and was bullied profusely. 

For some reason, they had not abandoned Severus, though their friendship became more distant with each growing year. They had their other popular friends, but they were the only friend Severus had and though he knows their friendship will always stay like this, a passing thought on their mind while meaning everything to him, he wishes they could see him as something more. He knows he doesn’t deserve them, but he wants them; more importantly, he wants them to want him as well. And so, he doesn’t know how he ended up here with them in the corridor, deciding that he is going to confess his true feelings to them and get it over with no matter what. 

“Hey, Sev!” you say, spotting him huddled in the corner fiddling with the skin on his fingers. Severus looks at you and smiles, though you can tell it’s a nervous smile, not his usual happy smile, you decide to just ignore it. 

“Hey, (Y/N),” he mutters, before taking a deep breath. “Could you walk with me for a bit?” he asks finally, cringing at his lack of social abilities.

“Sure! Where are we going?” you ask, curious to know what he has planned.

“Oh, I just wanted to go for a walk around,” he shrugs.

“Sounds fun! After you!” you say gesturing for him to lead the way.

Severus begins walking and (Y/N) falls in step beside him. They walk at a pretty slow pace, just taking in the sights of the castle. Instead of talking, it seems they are both just enjoying each other's company, as they walk in silence. Soon, they find themselves down by the lake and Severus sits down on the rocky shore, staring out at the water as the wind stirs it creating a rippling effect.

“(Y/N),” Severus starts, his mouth suddenly very dry, “I know I don’t deserve you as a friend –”

“Sev, don’t say that!” you plead.

“It’s true and you know it! You are so popular and I – I am nothing!” he says, his voice raised slightly. “Why do you even stay friends with me? You’ve got all your other more popular friends!”

“I – What?” you stammer, very confused at his sudden outburst of anger.

“Figures. You don’t even know what to say to me. Think about it, (Y/N). What do we even have in common?” he demands, his eyes suddenly wide and his teeth barred slightly. “You never even give me a second glance! Can’t you see that I – I like you and you probably don’t even give a damn about me!” he screeches, standing up and stomping over to the edge of the lake. He picks up a stone and chunks it in.

“Sev! Please don’t speak like that! You don’t understand!” you beg, willing your feet to move until you are standing next to him. He won’t even look at you, he just continues to stare off into the distance, seemingly lost in his own mind.

“I like you a lot and I am miserable having to hide it from you! I’m not hiding anymore, even if it means our friendship is over now that I’ve confessed. I don’t want to stay friends with someone who views me as disposable anyways,” he says his voice trailing off and tears falling down his face.

“Look at me!” you utter, firmly grasping his shoulders and turning his whole body so that he is facing you. “Severus Snape, you’re right. We don’t have much in common, hell, I don’t even know why I’ve stayed friends with you this long.”

At the end of your sentence, Severus’s eyes fall to the ground, and he hunches his back a bit in despair as his tears flow faster now. He is shaking and sniffling; he’s lost all control over his emotions. He struggles against the grip you have on his shoulders but he is unable to break your grasp.

“I KNEW IT –” he screeches before you place a hand over his mouth, effectively silencing him.

“Shut up for a moment! I’m not done speaking,” you say, glaring at him. “I was going to say that I don’t know why I’ve stayed friends with you for this long when for a long time, I’ve wanted to be more than friends… I like you too, Sev.”

The tears stop flowing in their tracks as Severus takes in your words. “Really?” he finally asks timidly, scared that you are just toying with him.

“Yes,” you reply with a nod, embracing him in a hug. His body melts into yours and as you pull back from the hug, you can’t help but glance at his lips. Taking a chance, you lean forward and hesitantly and gently kiss him. For a mere moment, he doesn’t return the kiss causing you to freak out a bit but just as you are panicking, he returns the kiss. It’s a soft and sweet one but it has your heart pounding against your chest.

“What will people say when they find out we are together? I can hear them now: Look at ugly Severus! Did he confund her? Perhaps he laced her drink with a love potion!” Severus mocks, a frown upon his face and his eyebrows scrunched together.

“I don’t care what anyone says!” you say, taking his hand in yours, and winking. “I will gladly show you off, my prince. With you by my side, I could take on the whole world!”

[witch-hazels-musings]

scaramouche, diluc, and childe with a [gn] reader whos terrified of needles?

Needle Fear

Warning -> General, sfw (mention of needles, getting a shot, cussing (S), sudden kiss (Ch))

Character X GN Reader | Anthology 

Includes: Childe, Diluc, Scaramouche 

Childe

Not only has Childe seen many sicknesses and many healers, but he’s also had to help his siblings through any and all visits they had to take - so it wasn’t unusual for him when you nearly begged him to visit the healers with you

There was something adorable about the way you tightly gripped onto his hand, the way you hid behind him just enough when you walked down the hall to the examination room, the way you glanced at him or turned to him every time you heard a person walk past the door. How could he not think you were adorable? 

“Childe, it’s gonna hurt.” Your fingers curled around his shirt as you pulled him closer to you. His comforting scent and tall frame were like a barrier between you and the door you didn’t want to see. 

“It’ll be okay, I have to do this all the time.” 

“Really?” He nodded his head and lifted your chin. The smile on his face was reassuring and, for a moment, as his fingers rested against you, you forgot where you even were. That was until you heard the click of the door and the sound of footsteps. 

“Hey there, are we ready?” They entered the room and set their items on the small table next to you but all you could respond with was shifting closer into the shield you’d made out of Childe. 

“Hey, it’ll be alright. Wanna know why?” He leaned down, his arms spanning either side of you while his palms pressed into the mattress you sat on. The soft cool of his eyes brought you a reprieve, a distraction from the current environment and as you looked at him, you shook your head signaling him to continue. “I’ll be here the whole time, right here, that’s why it’ll be okay.” 

After a moment, you gave in - how could you not when he was so comforting to you. “O-okay, I’m ready.” Your hands moved to grab onto his wrists and as you heard the healer begin to prepare their items, you continued to stare at Childe. “Don’t move.” 

“I won't.” You nodded again, your eyes drifting to the healer, and when they ran a cool, cleansing cloth over your arm you tensed. “Look at me, it’s okay.” Their hand wrapped around your arm to hold you steady and your head twisted in fear.

“Childe --- I can’t … hold o-” Your words were cut off by his lips, his fingers wrapping around your jaw as he pulled you back to him. The suddenness of his kiss blocked out everything else, the heat of his lips, the fullness of his connection, it was all so distracting. 

“All done.” You pulled away, your gaze dropping to the small bandage they placed onto your arm. When did they do that?

“See, I told you it would be simple.” Childe smiled at you and you hid your embarrassment in the palm of your hand. 

Diluc

He couldn’t count the times he’s had to experience this type of care - from the constant exams done in the Knights of Favonious, to the aid he received during his three mysterious years - getting something like this was just common practice to him at this point - plus, it only took a few moments and then it was over, so it wasn’t that bad 

Though, as he watched the way you fussed, worried, and nearly drew yourself to sickness at the idea, he recalled a memory of his childhood. If he could do it for you, he would, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case and he was going to need to find some other way to keep you steady 

Diluc stood next to you, his body angled in such a way that he could keep you in his line of sight while also observing the door. You didn’t dare turn around so instead, you looked out the window as you held onto your arms with a grip that hurt your fingers. 

“I don’t like this.” You muttered, watching the workers meander through the vineyards. It would have been better if you could just be with them, hide in between the many dangling grapes, and as far away from this situation as you could get. 

“I know, I’ve been assured this person is very experienced. You should have nothing to fear.” 

“Save for the whole needle part, archons, why do we even need this.” You shook your head and moved closer to the window. 

“It will only take a moment, I’ll be here the whole time.” Turning your attention away from the outside world, you gazed up at Diluc. His neutral expression surrounded by lively hair was somehow more comforting than anything you’d ever come upon in your whole lifetime. He was your rock, steadfast and sturdy, and as his fingers grazed your arm, ran over your ear, you knew his words held true. 

“Oka--” 

“Master Diluc, the healer.” You turned and saw one of the maids ushering in a young woman whose brightness lit up the room. You recognized her from the church and immediately you felt more at ease. Quickly, the instruments were prepared and as you settled onto the bed, your eyes found the one thing you were most anxious about. 

“I know you’re scared,” She began, pulling a chair close to you while she explained the process. “I’ll clean your arm with this,” She pointed to the small tin before continuing, “then I’ll gently take your arm and give you the shot.” 

“It’ll hurt, right.” You whispered, shifting uncomfortably to make more space. 

“For a very brief second. Then it’ll be over.” Her smile was so warm and you knew she must have done this quite often. 

“I’m sure it’s silly to see a grown adult so afraid of needles.” 

“Not as silly as you would imagine, are you ready?” You looked at her and nodded your head slowly but when she began the process, you turned away and closed your eyes. That’s when you felt the bed dip and a warm heat spread across your body. 

“I’m right here.” Diluc’s voice was soft, and sent a shiver down your spine - or was that the cleaning salv? It didn’t matter because as soon as your face found his chest, you disappeared into his warmth and security. All you felt was his hand over your ear, all you heard was the pounding of his heart; you weren’t sure how long you stayed that way, but by the time you looked up the healer was gone but Diluc had stayed. 

Scaramouche 

He didn’t understand your aversion to something so small. How could one little thing cause you to break down into a panic, it’s not like it could really hurt you - he’s felt much worse in his lifetime

So when you begged him to go with you, pleaded practically on your knees, he was stuck between his irritation of your complaints and how cute you were with those pouting lips and watering eyes (how adorable you look, he’ll never tell you though)

“It’s not that bad, just be quiet for one minute.” Scara pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed so loud you were sure people outside of the room could hear him. Of course, he’d be annoyed, you literally dragged him here to your check-up just so you could have someone with you when they … when they brought out the needle. Why did they need to do this to you anyway, weren’t there healers all around Teyvat that could cure you with a flick of their wrist. The fact that they also had instruments like these was confounding. 

“I know, I’m sorry …” You bit your lip and turned away from him. Your eyes finding the sheets and fingers moving to poke at your gums, teeth clenching hard around your nails. This habit was one you developed a long time ago and while you managed to curb it during most activities but when you were stressed and uncomfortable it reared its head. 

You heard the sound of Scara’s voice and turned to look at him but were interrupted by the healer entering the room. “Hello, are you ready?” As soon as they placed the items close to you, you went stiff. You wanted so badly to be calm but it was … impossible, look at that thing! Eyes darting to Scara you slipped into pleading but did your best to keep your thoughts to yourself. 

“Will it hurt?” Scara asked as he watched them prepare the needle and syringe. 

“Only for a second, I promise you won’t even notice it.” They looked at you but all your eyes could see was the large pointy metal bit that was about to go right through your skin and as a child reaches for their parent in the darkness, you grabbed onto Scara’s clothes. 

“Fine, give me one. I’ll show you there isn’t anything to be scared about.” Quickly, he rolled up his sleeves and after the healer prepared a second needled, they held his arm while he looked in your direction. 

“Ready?”

“Get it over with.” You watched as the needle moved to his arm, your head shaking but he seemed so calm. “See there is nothing to -- FUCK WHAT THE .. SHIT!?” His sudden outburst startled both you and the healer, but their professionalism powered through until it was all done. 

“Wasn’t that bad … huh?” You laughed, your hand covering your mouth as you watched him stare daggers into the person at his side. 

“Shut up, I’m leaving.” 

“Wait! I still haven’t gotten mine!!” 

“Too bad, you’re on your own.” 

“Scara!” He pushed his way through the door and you heard him shouting indiscernibly down the hall. 

“Are you ready?” The healer asked, and you began to bite your nails.  

--

tag list:

@sufzku @plenilunegazes @the-mermaid-of-mondstadt @fuwon @aoirohi @anatthesavage @actstfbla @shy-specter @fvushiguros @kaidou-pie @cyphermagic @linarizaki

[goldenharystyles]

Punishment part-2

warnings; - dom harry, wax play, electro-shock play, dirty talk, ropes, toys, bad words, edging,  bondage, whipping. 18+ .........9 years age gap (Yana is 9 years younger) send me requests and concepts please hope you enjoy 😊.

Harry’s pov;-

Yana and I had our dinner and right now we are watching an episode of friends. I’m letting her rest a bit so she can take so much more. She is in my lap, half, she is on my side, head on my chest hand wrapped around my waist, and legs upon mine. She does this when she is tired or when she knows I’m tired or mat at her.

''Harry'' she said'                                                                                                                                                         'hmm'' I mumberld

‘’Are you mad or upset with me?'' She asked picking her head from my chest to look at me. the sadness in her voice

‘’A little yeh’, but more like disappointed’’I said without looking at her. I can see from the corner of my eyes she was holding back tears. Yana is a very sensitive person, she devotes herself to me, she believes in me so much even I don’t believe in myself that much. I don’t think someone has ever loved me as much as she loves me. She’ll be all upset when I’m upset or even when she is sad and I’m happy she’ll be all happy. In this generation where I thought I’ll never really find anyone yana came into my life and filled me with love, so much love. She is always, always there for me. There is no single movement where I needed a shoulder to cry or celebrate something or needed a solution to some situation and yana wasn’t there. She is an old soul just like me, only wants to love nothing else in return. I hope she knows I love her more than anything in this world and I heartily appreciate everything she does for me.

She knows I like control in bed and she trusts me with her soul with that.

‘’I’m really sorry harry’’she said with a trembling voice.

‘’It’s fine’’I was a little disappointed but it’s not like it was so much of a deal. We both know I was just enjoying and I know she was sorry as soon as I asked about breaking my rule. I could see it in her eyes, they were teary but she didn’t cry.

‘’ I know it’s not fine. and that you’re unhappy too. I should have waited for you’’she was looking at me

‘’You’re taking the punishment for it, aren’t you? So it’s ok.’’I said truthfully

‘’I know I’m. But- I- I- Am just sorry’’she dropped her head a little. she never makes eye contact with me especially when I’m angry she gets scared it’s not that I scare her trust me it’s just she finds it hard.

‘’It’s ok love.’’I look at her I know if I don’t take her in my arms now she’ll start crying so I took her I’m my arms and kissed her all over her face.

‘’I love you harry’’she hugged me.

‘’ I love you more my love and I’m not upset with ya’. Alright? Don’t feel bad about it. Think about how you took your punishment. My strong girl. I’m so proud of ya’’I said and hugged her tight. We sat like that for another 10 minutes

10 min later;-

‘’ I’m ready’’she said suddenly

‘’Um- what’’I asked confusingly

‘’ I- um ready for whatever you have in mind’’her voice slow like perfect submissive, but I don’t want her to feel like submissive I just want control I don’t like when she looks down or speaks slowly. I want my girl to enjoy instead of taking what I am giving

‘’ Bub why are you talking to me in a slow voice and why is your head down instead of up, you’re very confident, than the way this?I asked rubbing her back for her comfort.

‘’ It’s just i.. I feel guilty. Like I’ve been caught, which I have but I’m like…guilty.’’She said looking up at me then immediately she looked down in her lap. I swear I saw her teary eyes and it breaks my heart.

‘’No need to feel bad love. And no need to cry too. You said you’re ready yeh’?She nodded

‘’then go to the red room and wait for me’’I said giving her a big smileShe didn’t smile back‘’bub if you’re gonna be like that then we are not doing anything,’’I added

‘’ No no no I’m-… I wanna go and see what have in store for me, let’s see what Mr. styles have got’’ she smiled and winked

‘Ahh- really huh call me Mr.styles one more time I dare you baby girl’’I grabbed her taking both of her wrists in one hand and tickling her

‘’ ahhh harry no, stop..stop’'

‘’Nah- uh uh I’m not stopping and I was thinking too that what should I add to your punishment’’I started ticking her harder

‘’ Ohh sorry I’m gonna pee harry stop. fuck’’she laughed

‘’ Whoah shameless child, you’ve got dirty mouth love’’I gasped dramatically

‘’ You’re acting like a child and you’ve got a filthier mouth, baby boy. And please stop I’m really gonna pee’’she pleaded to laugh

‘’We are not even started and you are begging to stop what a shame’’I teased she narrowed her eyes and laughed. There she is back to herself finally laughing I love her like this.

‘’We’ll see about that’’she winked knowing she’ll lose as always

‘’ Challenging me, my love?’’I raised my eyebrow. She nodded

‘’we’ll see when you’re begging me to stop and when you beg I’ll do it more so next time when you challenge me you’ll think ’’she stared at me. She clenched her thighs‘’ already wet love?’’ I asked

‘’No’’ she said quickly

‘’Don’t lie bub I saw you clenching your thighs’’

I stared at her she shook her head‘’so if I undress you right now you won’t be wet? I questioned She shook her head again

‘’Ohh if I undress you And I don’t see you wet you’re forgiven but if I checked and you’re wet you’re in for a terrible one. (Punishment) so again are you wet angel?’’

‘’Yes, daddy’’she said I smiled

‘’Does my filthy mouth gets you wet? Without me even touching you? How pathetic.’’I stated

‘’Yes, pathetic for you daddy no one else’’ she said shyly

‘’Yeah that’s my girl, you look so good when you smile Now, let's see how you look when you cry.’’ ‘’now go wait for me in the red room. Strip and do whatever I’ll be right there in 5 mins max’’ i said she nodded and went upstairs.

---------------------------

As I entered the room I was shocked she was wearing a sexy linger and was on her knees, Hands-on her lap and face down but not too much jus straight but down type god I love this girl so much. I smiled at her she was being good for me.

‘’Bub look at me’’I said she looked at me not sad or like submissive just yana my yana. The excitement in her eyes‘’ you look lovely in that bub and on you’re knees too’I winked at her with a smile.

‘’Wore just for you sir’’she smiled

‘’ Yea?’’She nodded

‘’Now pup get up and get there on the X’’I gestured (X means X shaped pillars, the one like 50 shades of freed had I the movie ig but this were thinner than that)

‘’Okay sir’’she said and went there I went to get some ropes. I know I can easily chain her and I don’t need ropes but I want her to remember this so I’m not gonna go easy. I lit some candles at the time and put them aside I took ropes and went to her

‘’Strip’’I said she obeyed.

''I want you to feel the rope burn your skin as it tightens around your fragile body. Let me hear your little whimpers, as you squirm needily. Beg me to fuck you, tell how much you want, no, NEED me.’'

Yana was so sensitive to my touch that, even if I touch her neck or kiss it she’ll be dripping. I tied her up with ropes hands on top of X and legs open too. Everything is tied and fully exposed for me to use however I want. And she can’t even move more than 2 inches.

''Such a dumb slutty rope bunny, turned on over just a few ropes binding you. Don't get me started on that preciously weak facial expression of yours. So cute and stupid, you just want to be used as a toy. Be good’’I ordered.I went behind her She was all naked for me. I ran my hands through her sides to her arms to her neck again to her sides to her thighs she was whining but couldn’t move too much.

‘’You like being tied up bunny? you like when daddy takes control over your body. Do you Like when you are all helpless to daddy? Like being used huh?’’I asked not expecting an answer I know my words get her wet so I ran my hand over her slit

‘’you’re dripping angle. I’ve not even touched you yet and look at you..dripping for me’’she moaned loudly I started kissing her neck. I held her throat with one finger making her look up and the other just resting around her neck. I started kissing her hard leaving hickeys all over the neck. And started rubbing her cilt slowly too She moaned

‘’feels so good sir’’

'’Yeah? There might be so much in your stomach because I didn’t let you cum right?’’I asked voice dominating

‘’Yes sir there is a lot in there’’she said weakly as I drawing a fast circle on her clit and pushed her lower stomach in

‘’ So small touch of mine and you’ll cum?''I asked

‘’Yes sir I’ll make a good mess for you please let me cum I’m so close please please let me’’she pleaded

‘’You’re gonna cum baby girl? Go ahead come’’I fasten my speed

‘’ Oh god yes yes I’m cumming sir’’she said and I pulled my hands off of her clit leaving her unsatisfied. she was a whimpering mess.

"The more you squirm, the more I will ruin your orgasm,”I threatened I held her breasts in my hand both of them they re exactly my hand size. I massaged them a little and went to stand in front of her. Her head was reacting on her shoulder. I attached my mouth to her left nipple sucking it and massaging it with my mouth. She moaned and tried to close her leg. Poor puppy. I smirk on her boob kissed all of her chest parts and backed off. Looking at her she is so helpless. I took oil in my hands and massaged her boob, her chest, her hands, her neck, her stomach, her legs, and her pussy in short whole body. She was shining from all the oil

‘’ pup don’t squirm much it will get you in trouble’’I warned she nodded and stayed still.

‘’Now, you’ll do as I say right?’She nodded

‘’ I’m gonna untied you one hand and you’ll do as I say’’I untied her right hand

‘’Draw slow circles to you clit baby and don’t stop, if you stop without me telling you. I’ll give you 3 ruined orgasms do you understand? You stop 1 time to feel relief and I give you 3 bad ruined orgasm. Whatever you want’’I said.

‘’ I understand sir’’she said I nodded. I came up with you wax candles in my hand she was shocked ‘’rub you clit bubs’’ I ordered. She started rubbing her over-sensitive clit. I dropped wax on her chest and held it there just moving slightly to cover up her boobs with wax. She hissed at burning

‘’Does it burn pretty girl?’’I asked dropping it on her nipple

‘’Yes sir too much’’she hissed hand still rubbing clit my both candles were nearly over

‘’good. Move your hands' fast dove’’I said looking at her hand. She did it faster

‘’Sir I’m close please please sir please let me cum’’she begged I smiled

‘’Go faster baby and stop pleading it’s not getting you anywhere, go faster’’ I ordered

‘’Ahhh ah-uh sir…’’she cried

‘’I said more faster can’t you listen to me’’I said voice up. She was going faster and faster I know when she is right on her edge and that she was planning on cumming too.

"It feels so good, though, doesn't it?" I smirk as she nodded she was right on the edge...‘’Stop’’ I said and she didn’t, she wanted to cum ‘’ I SAID STOP SLUT’’ I took her hand and tied it again. ‘’SLUT’’ I said shaking my head.

I took all of the candles wax and threw it all over her body except her cunt.

‘’Ahhhhhhhh sir burns’’she screamed I chuckled

‘’Yes baby scream this is just starting so think how much you’re gonna scream’’I smiled and she looked at me with pleading eyes. I took some more candles and again covered every single part of her body. She whined but couldn’t do anything except taking it. I smiled at her helplessness. Then I took one which was in glass (candle) and lit it up and let it be for some seconds till it’s was is melted a bit. I looked at her and grin her face drooped haha! I brought a candle near her wide open pussy she hissed at the feeling. I moved it around a bit and stooped on her clit a little further didn’t wanna actually burn her.

‘’There was so much ice in your underwear an hour ago right? She nodded ‘’so here’s a candle heat it up baby’’I smiled and drag the candle closer to her clit

‘’Shit sir burns please can’t whole body is on fire from wax sir please’’she pleaded I chuckled and threw all melted part on her pussy

‘’Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck shit it’s too much sir it burns uhhh’’she tugged to her restrains to feels some relief but bad luck?

‘’I know baby girl I know’’I kissed her teary cheeks I again took one candle and lit it and threw all the was on her body parts as well as her ass

‘’Sirrrrrr’’she cried

‘’Don’t scream I’m right here not in another room plus I don't think I'll be done with you anytime soon so don’t show me your puppy eyes’’I said

‘’Sir it burns so much it’ll leave marks sir please’’she pouted

‘’I rubbed oil before it won’t leave a mark but it sure will burn like hell when I do next thing which I’m gonna do after not right now. Right now I’m gonna clan your body, but not with my hands of course,’’her eyes widened and I grin at her ‘

’I’ll use some toys for that’’I went to get our thick 20-inch leather flogger I smiled at it.

‘’ I want no voices coming from you do you understand?’’I asked

‘’Yes sir’’she obeyed I took it into my hand and looked at her and hit it on her body with a smile. She screamed without voice. My poor baby. I did it again and again and again till there was almost no wax on her body her body was all red. No marks on her body just red

‘���Sir please’’she pleaded with teary eyes

''"excuse me? didn't tell you can speak. I’ve to gag you now. wait'’ i said and came with a gag and gagged her with a silicone ball gag ‘

’ now you look perfect. SLUT’’I chuckled

‘’There is still some wax on your body I think I’ve to clean’’I smiled and took a step back and hit her with flogger all over her body. She was screaming in gad which made me chuckle

‘’Sul plluz’’she pleaded again something she is doing all night. I was finished with flogging so I thought I’d take off her gag and I did

‘’Good girl’’I praised

‘’ standstill I’m gonna blindfold you. Hard time starts now’’I repeated the thing I said when I showed ice in her underwear

‘’But- sir’’I cut her off

‘’ No buts just shut and take it. You can scream or whatever all you want but don’t talk to me’’I wared

‘’Ok sir’’

I put a blindfold on her I went to the kitchen and took the thing I planed when I last came here. She’ll give-up I guess. I took wet napkins and ducked them into lemon water and put all of them around her body (not pussy) She screamed on top of her lunges

‘’fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck noooooooooo shit I can’t godddd please please I can’t’’

‘’There is my pathetic whore’’I rubbed the wet napkins I put around her body

‘’Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god god god god pleaseeeee’’she whimpered For pussy I took' The faux leather spanking paddle’ and sat down on a stool in front of her

‘’didn’t wanna burn your pussy tho so……’’ Ismiled when she shook her head I was gaining to hir heer pussy but it was a bit uncomfortable.I untied her ‘’ go get on bed’’ I ordered the obeyed ''spread your hands and legs wide open’’ I said I tied her ankles to upper Sid of the bedpost (headboard) and hands to her ankles I even tied her thighs so she remains fully open I again took leather spanking paddle

‘’you’re gonna count with me 10 but if one is wrong or you miss count we’ll start again’’I said and didn’t give her a chance to say anything, and hit the paddle to her wide open pussy

‘’Fuck ahhhh hurts 1 one sir’’she screamed a little Again it hit

‘’two’’ ‘’three’’ ‘’four’’ ‘’five’’ ‘’six’’ ‘’seven’’

''Does it hurt puppy’’I asked as I was tapping on her clit

‘’ Yes sir it’s too much hurts’’

‘’Good as it should’’

I again hit with full force her pussy was so red

‘’Ahhhhhhhhh eight’’,

‘’nine’’ ‘’ten’’

‘’How are ya feeling baby, are you okay?’’I asked her she was still in a recovery zone

‘’Yes sir I’m okay’’she gave me a small smile

‘’Think you can take more?’’I asked coming hands on her body

‘’Not right now but after 15-20 mins yeas I guess’’ she said

‘’ That’s ok pup do you need something? Wanna drink water? Or eat something?''I asked wiping her tears

‘’Need some water my throat is dry’’she said and laughed a little

‘’ I bet it is. god, you scream so loud’’I dramatically put my finger in my ear and shook it.

‘’Haha not funny, shouldn’t have gone that hard the I wouldn’t have screamed’’she laughed

‘’I'm no mediocre baby’’ I smiled and kissed her

‘’now ya rest in that position cause I’m not gonna untie you. I’ve still got 1 chapter left’’

‘’Uhhhhh harry’’she good I slapped her ass hard

‘’owww’'

‘’It’s daddy to you’’I glared

‘’Oooo Mr. styles got angry’’

she teased I slapped her again on her ass and then her already beaten pussy ‘ahhhhhh fuck’’

‘’Behave and shut up I’ll give you water drink and rest for 10 mins’’I said and gave her boatel with straw in it. After 15mins;-

‘’Arey ya ok bubs still tired?’’I asked her she shook her head

‘’Nah just burns a little’’she said I nodded

‘’Ok so this is the last one and uh- we’ve never tried this one but I saw it’s safe and I’m gonna do to you it’s electroshock’’I said

‘’What I- uh- i.. dunno’’she said

‘’Oh I know everything and I know you too so don’t worry enjoy’’

I kissed her forehead she nodded

I took 4 clips and joined them with wires. I went to her and put 2 clips on her each nipple and the 2 on her pussy lips

‘’I’m gonna start the power clench your fist if it’s too much don’t scream’’ I told her

‘’I’ll try my best sir’she added I started the machine she jolts from the first shock but I didn’t stop and continued on medium setting I took the vibrator with we used before

‘’Meet your friend from earlier bunny’’I smiled when she shook her head

‘’No more edeging please’’she said

''My favorite pass time is listening to your sweet moans, and watching you squirm as I hold your favorite vibrator against your cute pussy. And I’m free till this shock shocks you up.’’I laughed and changed the setting to a little bit up of electro

‘’I’ll hold this vibrator to your clit. I'll use you. But you won't get to cum do you understand?’’I raised eyebrow

‘’Yes sir, I do’’I changed electro to highest and she screamed

‘’ Don’t scream hold it in’’I shouted over her screams

‘’Sir I can’t shit’’she can feel shock all over her body I took one clip go her pussy lip and clipped it to her clit and started again. Having shock direct on her clit she jolted

‘’’Ahhhhhhhhhhh siirrrrr mmhhhhh’’she screams but then held them in I started the vibrator on mid-speed and hold it against her clit. After 1 min max

‘’P-please sir, I can’t take it anymore. Stop it, I wanna c—‘’I smirked and increases the speed she moaned

"you fucking whore, you need to learn to control yourself.”I glared at her and put vibe on the highest"another word and you won't be begging to cum, you'll be begging me to stop."

‘’ Sir please I wanna cum please, I’ve held a lot please’’she cried

‘’ok baby girl let go’’ I rubbed her pussy with a vibrator as well.

‘’Really’’she asked I nodded with a smile ‘’thank you so much goddddd’’ I didn’t say anything

‘’I’m cumming’’and she came.

''You came? But don't expect me to stop. I'll vibe you till your cheeks get covered with tears, lips bleed and swell, wrists get red from being tied up, eyes roll back in your head and breathing gets uncontrollable. I want you wrecked from top to the bottom’’I said and started moving the vibrator fast on her clit. After some seconds

‘’Sir I’m cumming please let me’’she asked

‘’Who stopped you cum and then cum again cum cum cum cum keep cumming.’’ I said

‘’ I can’t take anymore’’

‘’ Of course, you can you don’t have a choice’ I laughed

‘’Sir--‘’ Iput my hand on her mouth and stopped her begs then she came again and again and again and again and again and again and again idk at least around 7-8 times,

I switched off everything

I started to untie her

‘’love are you ok?’’I asked and kissed her writs

‘’Yeah i’s sir’’she teased

‘’Hey I’m Harry or baby or baby boy to you’’I said kissing her lips

‘’Yeh baby boy I’m good just can’t feel anything that’s all’’she replied

‘’Are ya hurt somewhere? Did I hurt you or went too hard’’I got worried because she did cum many times

‘’Nah, it’s fine I’m good you just have to take me everywhere that’s all’’she laughed

‘’Fucked the shit out of ya didn’t I?’’I smirk

‘’Yeah yeah’'

‘’Hey don’t talk to me like that do wanna do that all again?’’I raised an eyebrow

‘’Nahh nahh god no’’she said and I smiled.

‘’Good hope you learned your lesson, ok now I’m gonna run a bath and put some candles just thy way you like''said she nodded very tiredly

‘’Ok H’’I got off of the bed and filled the bathtub lit candles.

‘’Let’s go bub I’ll pick you up common now get up’’I said touching her shoulder so she could give me some space to carry her

‘’Hmmshe replied I took her to bath and set her down climbing back of her I took her In my lap in the bathtub and bathed her and relaxed. I brought her back to the bedroom with a towel around her and got her a fresh pair of my t-shirt and her panties and dressed her.

‘’Come love let's cuddle and sleep’ she came to me and wrapped her arms around my waist and I took her head and placed it on my chest. She was all over me.

‘’You took all of that so bravely love gonna be honest didn’t think you’ll be able to take that much I’m so proud of ya’’she didn’t speak but kissed my chest.

‘’What did we learn today pretty girl?’’I asked

‘’Not to touch daddy’s pussy without his permission’’she said voice low I smiled

‘’Good bub. I love you so so much I’m sorry if it was too much’’I rubbed her back

‘’Nahh, I’m good. I love you more and you know it’’she said. And I know she’ll love me more than anything.

‘’Good night love’’she didn’t reply was asleep when I look. My baby.

thanks for reading. sorry for mistakes 😅 please reblog if you liked😊

[plush-rabbit]

Cultural Differences - BNHA Headcanons

Request: Hi! If it's not too much may I request a Shigaraki, Hawks, Overhaul and Dabi with an s/o who likes wearing revealing clothes because they grew up in western country. Like they're half japanese and half western. Thank you!

Warning: Breast is used gn here!! (not sure f that counts as a warning but i felt like the a/n not was too long)

A/N: I hope this is good. I tried to make in character as possible because I feel like I’ve been stray from that the past times i’ve been writing for them

-

Chisaki Kai:

It isn’t that Kai hates the clothes, it’s just that he isn’t used to them. Of course, fashion has evolved and things aren’t as prude as they were years ago, but even so, he’s someone who values traditional customs. The clothes aren’t anything that he hates, and most of the time, he finds them cute, as if you’re trying to fit into some sort of aesthetic, but it’s just different. It shows just a bit too much skin than what he likes and if he were to be honest, he would prefer if you covered up.

Most of the time, he allows you to wear whatever you want, but if it happens to be a certain temperature, he wants you to cover up and will scoff when you actually have the audacity to feel cold. Nonetheless, if you get sick, he can’t see you, so he’ll offer you a coat. If it happens just enough times, he’ll have you either start dressing in appropriate clothes for the weather, or he’ll get you a jacket that matches his. He finds it almost offensive with how quick you are to cover-up when he offers to get you a jacket like his- your taste may linger toward revealing, but he’s sure that jackets over clothing is still something that is considered fashionable.

He’s controlling and there’s no easy way around that. It’s a miracle that he lets you reveal as much skin as you do and that he’s hardly done anything about it. While he does mind that you go out in revealing clothing, there is nothing he can do about it, since he hardly sees you in your own home. However, if you were to visit the base, he has you follow a strict dress code. He doesn’t want people to gawk at you, and even if he isn't the type to officiate something, you are still with him, and that should be enough reason for you to cover up when you are around him and his subordinates. He doesn't want others to see you in a way that he is only meant to see you so before he brings you over, he’ll choose something for you to wear.

There are a few times that his actions and words can be hurtful. It’s nothing new, but sometimes it can be upsetting to hear such awful things leave his mouth- especially when they are directed towards you. It isn’t that he means the words, but sometimes, you just refuse to change into something more appropriate, and he always catches people staring at your exposed legs, or midriff. The few times when he catches people staring at your chest, is enough to send him over the edge. In the end, he apologizes in his own way- a small gift, his hand wrapping around yours- still covered in a glove- or even the next outing, not commenting on how short your attire is. He knows that sometimes his words can be a bit too harsh, that you aren’t like the others that he keeps around him, and that you aren’t used to his way of speaking, so he tries to relax a bit on it. He’ll blame it on the need to protect you, for you to understand that others are viewing you in some sort of way, but when you don't’ care about- when you only care about his opinion, he’s taken aback. He’s left speechless for a moment and then he nods to you and himself.

Of course there are going to be cultural clashes between the two of you, but he hadn’t expected clothing to be one of them. It isn’t that he hates it, he finds that you look rather cute in the things you wear, but, it’s also short. And people are vile, disgusting little things. He can almost sense the motivations behind every person when their eyes stare at the low cut of your shirt, and he just fumes, because you have no real motive to cover up. The last thing that Kai will do is plead for you to cover up, but he will often wrap his jacket around you, until you are away from the public eye. It’s always a weird moment for the both of you- he refuses to look at you and will let his hands linger a bit too long on your shoulders, and when he pulls away, he adjusts his gloves, telling you to keep up. To him, it’s just a bit more than him offering you his jacket at a certain point in the relationship, it isn’t him begging for you to cover up, but rather than the trust that he has with you to wear something of his. He hates germs, anything dirt and grime, but he’d be willing to give you a staple of his clothing as long as it meant that you weren't cold- or stared at by the perverse eyes of others.

Dabi:

Despite Dabi’s upbringing, he shed most of those ideals and morals once he became who he is now. He’s seen much more revealing things in all sorts of ways, so wearing something revealing isn’t a big deal to him. You wearing something revealing, is something up to you. He hardly cares one way or another about your style of attire. There are a few times where his more traditional sense of style will show, such as the almost brooding looks that he gives you when you wear something just a bit too short. However, despite that, he won’t say a word to you- what you choose to do, is what you choose to do- he has no reason to intervene unless it’s something potentially dangerous.

He sits at a weird line where he doesn’t look at you and your exposed skin, and where it’s just where his eyes happen to land on. You look great, there’s no doubt about it, but he’s also seen skin before, so he doesn’t know why it’s you that is so captivating. He doesn’t understand why seeing the side of your breasts makes him feel so flustered. He’s hot, burning at the nape of his neck and constricting around his chest until he’s dizzy and unable to catch his breath properly, and yet, he still can’t pry his eyes away from you. He can’t dare to look away and stop tracing over the soft stretch marks that curve around your thigh or the soft fat of your stomach that stretches when you lean over the counter.

Depending on where and who you are both with, is how he’ll act towards you. He doesn’t mind if you wear something revealing around the League; he knows that the most they’ll do is playfully hit on you in order to get a rise out of him, and as annoying as that is, he knows that around them, you’re safe. Being around strangers is a totally different story. He doesn’t know their intentions and even though he doesn’t, it doesn’t take much to figure out that those intentions are less than playful. He doesn’t like for others to be around you for too long and will often interject himself if you’re having a conversation with what he can assume is a stranger. He’ll put a stop to it immediately and as he pulls you away, he’s tempted to throw his jacket over you, but then you pull him closer to you and tell him how he’s cute when he’s jealous. There are few things to make him react, and that happens to be one of the few; he scoffs lightly, shaking his head and taking you elsewhere- often to another seedy bar or back to the hideout.

Most of the time, he has his hands on you. Whether it be on your knee or curved around your thigh, he keeps you within arms’ length. He doesn’t like for you to leave his side for too long, and tries to keep you around him in the most subtle ways possible. There are few times where he’ll actively ask for you to stay beside him, and even then, those are rare moments where the alcohol has taken over and he’s leaning close to you, his breath warm on your neck as he asks you to not leave him. When he isn’t intoxicated, he’ll throw his leg over yours and keep you trapped there, giving you a short wolfish grin as he refuses to move even when you begin to lightly hit his knee.

There are very few things that Dabi shows to the public, but at the end of it, he is emotional, bubbling over and showing his true nature when it’s late enough. He’ll lean beside you, trace over your skin and watch as goosebumps prick under his fingertip and when he catches your eyes, he waits for you to tell him to stop, but when you don’t, he continues. He likes to touch your skin, to let his touch trace over anything and everything exposed- to trace against your stretch marks, to touch at each birthmark and mole, to let his fingers hover over your scars, and he could fall asleep doing just that. He likes the difference, the way that you laugh lightly when he touches your sides, or how you shiver when he ghosts over your ribs, and when he finally falls asleep, his hand is over your stomach.

Takami Keigo:

Keigo may play the playboy attitude, but he’s under constant watch of the hero commission which leads him to have little romantic relationship. He’s charismatic, and he’s received his fair share of uncomfortable fan-mail, but it’s different when your partner reveals little clothing- at least in Japanese standards. When you come to him wearing clothing that leaves little to the imagination, he can’t help but feel his face grow hot and look away from you. Sure, he’s seen and been given pictures that are much more lewd than what you wear, but it feels different when it’s someone that he cares about in a romantic sense. Each brush of your skin against his leaves him giving you a small smile, while a few of his feathers flutter against each other in a weak attempt to remain calm.

It isn’t that he’s uncomfortable with you wearing so little- just a bit, but that’s more for cultural and personal reasons- but he also just wants you to wear more. The hero commission already controls so much of his life, and he’s fearful that if you get any sort of bad reputation, it’ll follow him and cause the commission to terminate the relationship he has with you. He doesn’t want his relationship to end with you, and he’ll request that you wear more. He hates how you pout and whine telling him that you’re just used to wearing a bit less, but he hints that it’s something that you should do. That usually puts an end to the conversation, but he still feels a bit bad for trying to control you and how you dress.

Control is something that he knows well and something that he’s dealt with his whole life, and the last thing he wants is to control you. He doesn’t want to tell you what to wear or what not to wear, but it’s difficult. You wear so little and while he doesn’t hate it, he doesn’t want other people to judge you. Whether it be for hero work or casual wear, he’s often seen wearing a jacket. Because of that, he’ll give you his jacket most of the time, gently putting it around your shoulders and flexing his wings when you actually wear it, acting as some sort of curtain for you. Truth be told, while he is a fan of you wearing short attire, he prefers seeing you with his jacket around you, loose fitting and just enough collar to hide the lower half of your face.

Your style of clothing isn’t something that he hates. He actually likes it. It’s almost teasing, seeing the bare skin of your upper thigh, or the soft swell of your breast that hides under the low cut shirt. He can see why you would wear those types of things- you look good in them, and they’re quite cute. On more than one occasion, he’s caught himself staring at you, letting his eyes linger just on the edge of where your shorts bite against your thigh, the soft push of the fat or catching your midriff when you raise your arms over your head in a yawn. When he does catch himself, he turns away, clearing his throat and going to hold your hand, his smile tense as he tries to discreetly catch his breath.

Being a hero- a top one at that- requires for the hero to be charismatic. They have to have a good smile and look pretty for the camera, and while he’s all of that, his life has been under control and under the watchful eyes of the hero commission. Keigo has never had time for a romantic relationship, so when you come along, it’s quite a surprise for him with everything that comes with it. You’re affectionate and yet, the cultural difference is never something that he realized would have played a big part in the relationship. You’re so different compared to him and he welcomes it. He likes that you wear revealing attire and even if it does make him flustered, he can’t help but enjoy how much freedom you have. You’re different compared to him and he enjoys it. He loves to lean into your touch and feel how warm your skin is because the sun has touched you, not because you’re covered in layers, but because you just are.

Shigaraki Tomura:

Tomura hasn’t been exposed to much of life outside of murder and hatred. When you come to him with revealing clothing, it’s something that he isn’t used to. He’s used to watching shows that show two-dimensional characters in revealing outfits, but reality doesn’t touch with the revealing clothing. So here you are, wearing revealing outfits that have him scratching more out of anxiety rather than annoyance and hatred, and he can’t help but feel his heart race and beat against his ribs, to make sure that Father is properly placed to avoid anyone peeking at his pink tinted cheeks. There’s still a bit of a cultural shock with how different the two of you dress when compared, but to him it’s insignificant.

Due to being raised in a sheltered environment, he has been denied anything meaningful in his life like relationships- romantic or not- so when given the freedom to finally have a relationship, he doesn’t notice how often he stares. Whether you sit beside him or across the room, his eyes are on you, tracing over your body, watching how you hold your cup and bring the rim to your lips, and when you catch his eyes, he looks away. He’ll deny that he ever stared at you, and if pressed, he’ll only tell you that he stared because you had something on your shirt. He hates being caught, it makes him feel as if he has done something perverse, and leaves him feeling almost shameful, and even if you were to laugh and tell him that you don’t mind, he still can’t help but grumble under his breath and move away.

At a certain point of the relationship, it becomes less shameful to stare at you, and more normalized. He sits close to you and when you start to talk, he’ll keep his eyes on you, and even when done, he’s still watching you. He’ll start to be more playful, softly elbowing your side and teasing at your short attire with a sharp grin. He enjoys how you’ll jab back and pull at his sleeve or even when you stick out your tongue and call him some crude name that he’ll return. The relationship becomes much more lighthearted, where the two of you just lean into each other.

You choosing to wear something revealing interfere in anything that he does, so he doesn’t mind how you dress. He doesn’t own you, and no one owns him, he wants you to feel comfortable however you dress, and if you feel better dressing in something short, then he doesn’t care. At the end of the day, it’s about how comfortable you are, and he’s grateful that you’re comfortable around him to dress in something revealing. There are a few times where he prefers to have you dress a bit more revealing, wanting to touch your skin and watch how you react to him- the little jumps, the bumps that cover your skin, the hitch in your breath when he happens to graze over a sensitive spot. It’s much more than just trying to get a rise out of you, it’s to touch you and feel that you are real beneath him, that you willingly let him touch you despite his quirk.

Tomura just likes having you around. He’ll try to keep you to himself as much as he can, excluding the both of you from events that the league invites him to. It isn’t that he’s jealous of the attention that they’ll give you like the playful flirting, but rather, he just misses you. He wants you beside him, he wants to touch you and keep you by his side. He wants to be greedy and not let anyone see you when you wear so little, he wants it to be for him. He understands that it isn’t, that it’s just how you dressed back home and it’s something that you’re used to, but he wants to believe that it’s for him. The infamous villain wants to believe that you’d wear something revealing for him in a way to show that you trust him, that you’re comfortable in letting him see you and touch your skin that is so different compared to his. To him, touch is important, it’s denied and dangerous for him, and yet with you, you welcome him and that’s enough for him to lean into you and rest his head on your chest.

[savemesomenachos]

Heyy could you do one where Steve and bucky get sick and the reader has to take care of them? And they actually act like big babies and try to convince reader they're fine and don't need the help. ( If you've watched friends, kinda like the one episode where Monica is sick and trying to initiate sex)

Maybe the reader even says " I'm dating two 100 year old babies."

I’ve been waiting for someone to request a Stucky fic coz they’re honestly my favourite ship from the MCU. Hope you like it!!!🌺

You can find my other works on my Main Masterlist.

Getting sick makes me horny

Pairings: Stucky x Reader

Warnings: NON-CANON, fluffffff, talks about sex but no actual smut, Stucky being super cute!!! (as usual)

Next

Word Count:

Y/n’s POV:

“Babe, we’re fine.” Steve said for the seventh time in 2 minutes while Bucky sneezed. Steve turned to glare at Bucky with betrayal written on his face while Bucky shrugged helplessly.

I chuckled at them and pulled the blanket tighter across our shoulders where we were all huddled on the bed. Bucky cuddled further into Steve and for a second I thought Steve would finally give in with how he melted against us. I spoke too soon because Steve immediately shoved Bucky off him while the latter squawked in protest. He scoffed in annoyance and shoved Steve off the bed while cuddling into my side.

“Steve’s right though, we’re fine. We’re super soldiers so we can’t get sick.” Steve nodded in agreement and lifted the laundry basket in rebellion.

“What the fuck are you doing Steve? Put that down!” I squealed as I rolled away from Bucky and toward Steve.

“Language doll.” He said as he held the laundry basket far out of my reach, in the air. “Steve, put that down. I honestly don’t understand why you two are being so stubborn.”

My gaze shifted between them while Bucky knelt on the bed with a smirk on his face. He started to take his shirt off and Steve choked.

“Bub, what are you doing?” I asked as I hid my smile behind my palm. “I’m seducing you of course. I’m horny babe.” He whined and scooted to the edge of the bed while flinging his shirt off to one corner of the bedroom.

He was interrupted by Steve sneezing real big. He winced and apologised before quickly sporting a similar expression to that of Bucky as he started to take his clothes off as well.

I laughed and crossed my hands in front of my chest as they started to inch closer to me. When Bucky realised that this wasn’t working, he grabbed Steve’s chin and started to make out with him. Steve gasped when Bucky’s hand came down to palm at his ass and he slipped his tongue into Steve’s shocked mouth. Bucky pulled away from Steve abruptly and sneezed.

I immediately shifted forward and nudged them into bed. They both whined and pleaded with me to ‘be reasonable’ and ‘sex fixes everything’. I only chuckled and tucked them into bed again.

Bucky turned his annoyed gaze on Steve and said, “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t sneezed in the middle of our make out sesh, we’d be having sex right now, not lying down in bed.”

Steve gasped in offence and turned his equally challenging on Bucky. “If you hadn’t convinced me to go out in that rain, we wouldn’t be sick in the first place.”

“Aha, so you do admit you’re sick?” I said with a smirk while Steve flicked Bucky’s ear. Bucky was about to retaliate when I grasped his hand in mine.

“Now, children. No more fighting. I’ll go make you some soup.” I said as I placed a kiss on each of their warm foreheads while they sighed and snuggled into each other without complaint.

🤧🤧🤧🤧

“How’re the drama queens?” Sam asked as I stepped into the kitchen. I chuckled and responded with a quiet ‘horny’. He choked on his coffee and burst out laughing. I shook my head at his reaction and went back to the soup. “Well, all the best with them.” He said as he waved goodbye with a sympathetic smile. I responded in kind and lifted the tray of soup and started to make my way to our bedroom.

I walked into the both of them making out with no care in the world with Bucky’s hands down Steve’s sweats, fondling his ass and Steve starting to inch his hand down the front of Bucky’s boxers. I had the sudden urge to join them but I couldn’t risk getting sick too. I coughed to get their attention and with a blush on their cheeks, they turned to look at me.

“Can’t you two keep your paws off each other for a whole of 5 minutes?” I asked between a chuckle as I set down the tray on the bedside table and pushed Bucky’s hair out of his face.

Steve, now feeling left out, cuddled into Bucky’s back and pushed his head against my hand.

I laughed and instructed them both to sit up. They followed suit and sat up against the headboard with Steve’s head nestled in the crook of Bucky’s neck and his eyes almost shut. Bucky giggled at his state of Steve and nudged him awake. He whined in protest but sat up nonetheless.

I handed a bowl to Steve who immediately moaned at the warmth from the soup while Bucky begged with a “Feed me!” and a pout. I was about to say no when he jut his bottom lip out and his eyes started to miraculously glisten like in cartoons.

I sighed in defeat and spooned up some soup and lifted it to his lips. He stuck his tongue out at Steve in some sort of victory before lapping up the soup. For a while, it was quiet except for the occasional slurp from either boys which made them both laugh and me, smile.

“Babe, I’m sleepy now.” Steve said after setting down his bowl and tucking himself under Bucky’s arm.

Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve, pulled his face close and planted a kiss on his puckered lips. I nudged them to rest their head on the pillows and pulled the blankets over them. As I got up to go, Bucky’s arm wrapped around my hand and pulled.

“Cuddle us doll.” He said while the both of them sported a pout. “I’ll get rid of these dishes and be right back bub.” I said while turning to leave again.

“Do them later. Please?” he said while Steve whined some more. I sighed and nodded while getting into bed.

“In the middle doll.” Steve said and lifted me off Bucky and in the middle of the both of them.

While I lay on my back, Bucky nestled his face in between my breasts and wrapped his arms around me. Steve laid his head just below Bucky’s; on my stomach and wrapped his arm around my thigh and the other around both me and Bucky. One of my hands rested in Bucky’s hair and across Steve’s shoulders. I pulled them closer into me if that was even possible. Both of them sighed and Bucky started to place kisses on the top of my breasts.

“Thanks for taking care of us doll. We know we can be a handful.” Steve said as he stroked the inside of my thighs.

“I'm dating two 100-year-old babies but I love you both and I love taking care of you. Now get some sleep and maybe when we wake up, I’ll think about following through on your earlier proposition.” I said with a smirk.

Bucky’s head shot up along with Steve’s and with a hopeful voice, he asked “Sex?” I laughed and nodded.

Bucky lightly nudged Steve’s head to rest in it’s previous place while begging him to sleep. Steve was about to protest when I shut him up with a kiss. Without saying a word, he drifted. Bucky smiled and kissed my cheek with a giddy grin. I wouldn’t change this for the world.

@spookyparadisesheep​ @julyvegan​@tenaciousperfectionunknown @mysweetlittledesire @bbl32 @noshame-bb @cece5 @hart-failure @sohoseb @white-wolf1940 @marvelfansworld @jassiejj2118 @Clints-worldavengers

If you wanna be tagged in my works, lemme know here

[sirthisisa-wendys]

hi. can i request something angsty i absolutely love your angst works! so being in a long term relationship with mr ran haitani that's kind of already having fallouts. then reader cheated and confesses to ran about it but he still kind of didn't expect reader would do something like that. thank you very much! pls ignore if you want <3

This hurt to write. But it hurt so damn good.

King of Sorrow: Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader

wc: 1.6k

tw: A N G S T

masterlist

song recommendation:

Things had been going downhill for a while.

Ran noticed the way you stayed out late, the way you no longer cuddled him in bed at night, the way your eyes wandered when you two were at the club...

But he never says anything.

You two had been together since he had become part of Bonten - and that was five years ago. FIve years of bliss, love, and happiness.

But that all started to fall apart last month.

He can't recall what he did - if anything. Ran tried his best to show you that he loved you, even when he was away. But lately, it'd been met with a half-hearted "thanks" or "I love you, too". Ran knew you weren't saying it because it was inherently true. You were saying it because you felt obligated to.

But he didn't feel obligated.

No, he's convinced he loves you, even if you're falling out of love with him. It's a hard thought for him to grasp, but he does somehow - that you might just have fallen out of love with him.

So he ups his gestures of love in an attempt to stave off the routine. This week, he's taken you on a trip to Italy. No meetings, no calls, nothing that has to do with work. It's just you and him on a cruise ship, sailing from port to port.

"This is amazing," he beams, cutting into the steak with gusto. "I've never had steak like this before."

"It's Wagyu," you mention, looking more somber in the dim lighting of the restaurant than when you both entered. Come to think of it, the moment you stepped onto the boat, you seemed downcast, even more so than when you were at home. You couldn't even look Ran in the eye anymore, and even though he'd made love to you the previous night, it seemed like that didn't have any effect on how you felt today. Usually, you'd be excited and full of life, but...

"Babe," Ran whispers, putting his fork down. "What's wrong?" Your bottom lip quivers and Ran stiffens. No, he thinks. Don't cry. But he also wants to get to the bottom of things, so he continues cautiously. "Things have been really strange for some time now, and I brought you here so maybe we could fix whatever's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," you lie, wiping your eyes quickly. "Everything's fine."

"No," Ran tuts. "It's not. My love, you've been distant. I'm worried about us." He reaches across the table and touches your hand, and gesture he hasn't tried in a long time. "I'm worried about you." You snatch your hand away, standing and throwing your napkin over your barely touched food.

"It's fine, Ran," you snap, then walk away from the table quickly, rubbing at your eyes furiously as you leave the ship's dining room. Ran sighs, motioning for the waiter as he cuts his losses with the dinner.

"Just send the bill to the room, please."

Ran finds you in your shared suite, sitting in the chair facing the balcony with your head in your hands. You're sobbing, and for a moment, he replays the interaction between the two of you before approaching, holding your purse in one hand.

"Love," he begins, kneeling beside the chair and placing your purse in the other seat beside him. "I need you to talk to me."

"I just..." you start but break off, tears flowing down your fingers. "It's not your fault." You reveal your reddened face, eyes rimmed with smeared mascara. "I didn't mean to..."

"Whatever it is, it's fine," Ran whispers, taking your wet hands in his. "It'll be okay. Just tell me what's wrong." His heart is aching to know why you're so heartbroken, but you inhale shakily, then exhale before opening your eyes.

"Ran, I want to start off by apologizing." Ran shakes his head, his violet eyes unsure, but you stop him, squeezing his hands once. "Just listen to me all the way through, okay?"

"Done," he affirms, shoulders relaxing now that you're finally telling him what's wrong.

"A month ago... I went to Takada's bachelorette party, right?"

"Mmm-hmm." He remembers that night. You looked so stunning in your tight mini-dress and pinned-up hair. He thought about railing you over the side of the banister before you left and was a little disappointed that you came home around eight in the morning instead of that same night.

"I..." You shakily inhale again, shaking your head rapidly. "I got so drunk. I don't know what was wrong with me, I..." You sniff, then remove your hands from Ran's, wiping at a stray tear. "I ended up sleeping with someone. I don't know who they are, I don't know where they came from. But I just remember waking up in the bed, naked, and seeing him there."

Ran stares at you, face empty, still not fully processing what you've said. He is still for a while as the cogs in his mind turn around and around and around and around and around and then

stop.

His mouth dries up, and his violet eyes look away from you, at the wallpaper, at the mirror, at the corner of the room, at the ceiling.

"I've felt so guilty since then," you mumble. "I couldn't tell you because I felt so ashamed, I--"

Ran stands, letting out a soft "oh", wavering a little on his feet. He blinks a few times, still not looking at you, then cocks his head to the left, like he's hearing something. But he's just processing. His mind flits from one day to the next, trying to pinpoint any signs, any clues... How could he have been so stupid?

No, you couldn't have cheated. It was a mistake. You'd gotten undressed, the man was drunk and also fell asleep in your bed... No, you couldn't do that. Not to him. Not to Ran Haitani.

But your guilt is written all over your face.

"Oh," Ran mutters again, jaw clenching. His breaths come quick like he'd been running for hours, and he can barely think as he sees red cloud his vision. He can't understand what he's doing when he breaks the table in the conjoined living room, or swipes the vases onto the floor, shattering them and depositing the flowers among them. He can't think about anything as you shout for him to stop, trying to reach him past his haze of red, but he's too far gone.

And the thing that frightens you the most is that he isn't yelling or screaming.

He's quiet.

He's not cursing at you, he's just destroying anything that looks whole, tossing it to the ground and rendering it unusable. You slide down against the wall, tears coursing down your cheeks again as he huffs, standing in the middle of the wreckage, gasping for air.

And then, the clearest thought Ran's had in almost an hour comes to him.

"Let me get you your own room."

"Ran," you plead, stumbling over your feet to get to him as he marches over to the phone. "Ran, please."

"Hello? I need a new suite for Mrs. Haitani. Do you have one available?"

"Ran!" you beg, pulling at his sleeve, but he doesn't move from the phone, gripping the receiver as the person on the other line tries to find an open room for you. You try to reach the button that will hang up the call, reaching past Ran's frame in earnest. He's blocking it, but there's just enough room for your pointer finger to tap the button, ending the call.

Ran doesn't even move. The phone is still up to his ear as if the call is still going on, but no voice is on the other line.

Fat tears roll down from his eyes, and he's frozen there, standing with the phone in his hands as if he were paused in time. But he lets the phone slip from his grasp, walking like a zombie over to the chair by the balcony, and sliding into it slowly.

And he doesn't get up, staring out at the sea with an empty, forlorn look.

"Ran," you whisper, crouching next to him. He doesn't answer, tears running freely down his face. "Ran..." Again, there's no answer, so you hang your head next to his leg, touching his thigh with your right hand. He doesn't move, even when you get up to prepare for bed, the door leading to the carnage of his temper still open.

He doesn't move from that chair all night, and you don't sleep, staring at him as his tears dry. You even succumb to sleep for a brief moment, waking to see him still in that same chair, still trying to think.

But eventually, he moves, walking into the bathroom and staying in there for a while. You wait patiently for him, sitting on the edge of the bed as he emerges, wiping his face with a towel before he inhales sharply.

"As soon as they dock this ship at the next port, we're heading home. Couples counseling or a divorce, it's your choice." You look down at your hands, nodding. You understand the need to cut the trip short. It's for the best.

When you arrive back home two days later, Ran immediately grabs a new bag of things, loading it up with clothing and toiletries, choosing to take residence at Rindou's home instead of sleeping in the same bed as you.

And that hurt the worst, his cold violet eyes not even glancing over at you as he left the master bedroom without any words.

[pigeonp0st]

Reader jumped off the cliff in Vormir instead of Natasha 😈

Natasha Romanoff x Reader #8

Words: 2,826

Warnings: Reader dies...angst

Notes:

Thanks you for requesting ;) and thanks to @gaytrashgoblin for proofreading. I had fun with this one...I’ve been having fun writing a lot lately.

————

There’s something sick and twisted about the world's constant need to fail the good people in it. Weirdly enough, that’s the first thought you have when Wanda turns into dust in your arms.

Then, the next;

“We failed.”

———

When Natasha finds you crouched by Visions body and staring lifelessly at, it she pounces on you, wrapping her arms around you more tightly than she ever has before and repeating, over and over again, “thank god.”

She’s sobbing into your shoulder with her relief, and your arms are hovering over her back, frozen. Frozen because you’re in shock, frozen because you don’t feel like you’re you. You feel like you're watching someone else’s life, because the Avengers don’t fail. They can’t fail. They...failed?

They failed, you failed, and too many are gone now. Too many are gone but Natasha isn’t, so you sag into her arms and you clutch onto her as tightly as she’s holding on to you, and revel in the fact that you lost everything, but you still have everything. You have Natasha.

It should be enough...but somehow it isn’t. Somewhere along the way of reluctantly becoming an Avenger you started to want more, more than just her, and you curse yourself now for loving these idiots who risk themselves so much. These idiots who mean too much.

———

Natasha is clingy after the...blip (that’s what people have come to call it). She’s clingy, and angry, and devastated, and you push aside everything you're feeling and do everything you can to take care of her for five years, because it’s much easier to analyze and argue about Natasha’s self deprecating habits than to sit down for a moment and realize that you’re not okay.

It’s easier to pull Natasha in at night when she wakes up from one of too many nightmares and tell her that you’re there, that you’ll always be there, when you’re not allowing yourself to think about how much you wish you disappeared with the rest of them.

It’s easier to yell at Natasha for her drinking than to talk about why some days you’re unable to get a drop of sleep, and other days all you do is sleep.

It’s easier to pretend Natasha’s nightmares are what keeps you up at night, and not the way your skin crawls at the possibility of closing your eyes for a second and not seeing her there.

It’s easier to stand alone in front of the doorway of Wanda’s room, replaying the moment she disappeared over and over again, then to do it with Natasha next to you worrying about whether or not she’s letting you down.

——

Time Travel. Getting the infinity stones before Thanos can get his hands on them.

Hope. Hope for the first time in a long time. You look over at Natasha and notice the spark that's in her eyes, the spark that’s been missing for five years, and feel your own type of hope too.

Whatever happens, you’re going to make sure everyone comes back, but more than that you’re going to make sure Natasha gets to see it.

——

You and Natasha are assigned to get the soul stone in Vomir.

The whole trip up the mountain you feel this unexplainable dread and you don’t know why. You don’t know why until;

“In order to take the stone you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul for a soul.”

Natasha is silent and tense as she takes this information in. You begin forming your plan.

——

“We both know what needs to happen here,” Natasha sighs, finally standing up and deciding to stop putting off the inevitable. You glance up at her, not moving an inch other than to tighten your grip on your gun.

You have a plan. A plan that to you seems full proof, but if Natasha goes psycho before you can manage to even say something then you’ll just have to shoot her.

“If you jump off that cliff I'm jumping after you. Titanic style, Nat. Don’t test me,” you pause, narrowing your eyes at the way her own hand tightens on her gun, “don’t even think about trying to physically stop me from jumping because there’s other ways people can die, ways you can’t stop me from when you aren’t here. The Avengers won’t get the stone if I’m given it.”

Natasha tenses again, her jaw locking and her eyes harder and more angry than they’ve ever been looking at you. You know why, it’s totally justifiable, but it still hurts. “Everyone doesn’t come back if we don’t get that stone.”

“Yep.”

“Y/N!” Natasha yells, her voice echoing all around you. “This isn’t a fucking joke, okay? We both know you wouldn’t do that.” Natasha says that but there’s this small barely noticeable uncertainty in her eyes, and it’s all you need.

Natasha won’t jump if there’s even a slightest chance that you’d jump after her. If there was even a slightest chance that you’d fuck up everything everyone has been fighting for, and you wouldn’t—you couldn’t—you think most of her knows that...but nothing in life is certain, and so much uncertainty in something so integral to the mission is too big of a risk.

“You’re...this is your plan, huh?” Natasha says quietly after a moment, wheels visibly turning in her head. “And if I said I'd do the same, if I said I'd jump after you if you didn’t let me do this?” She asks, curious.

You had enough time to think about that too. “You aren’t willing to take the risk that I’m telling the truth when I say I'll jump too. I’m willing to take the risk that you aren’t.”

There’s a long pause where Natasha says nothing, and during it you start to wonder if you read her all wrong. You start to wonder if this is a risk Natasha would take, just to make sure you stay alive, but then Natasha grabs you by the collar of your shirt and pushes you off the log you were sitting on and straight to the ground and you think you’re screwed.

Your instincts have you pointing your gun at her thigh and tightening your grip on the trigger, heart beating a mile a minute, but before you can pull it you feel a tear fall on your cheek.

Natasha’s crying, you realize, heart in your throat. “I’m sorry,” you want to say, “I’m sorry, Natasha. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for not being strong enough the first fight, I’m sorry for not being strong enough for the five years after, I’m sorry for not being strong enough now—strong enough to let you die. I’m sorry for wanting you to live through another death because I’m too weak to do it myself.”

But all you manage to get out is a broken, “Nat,” and you think she understands anyways. You think she understands because she shakes her head roughly and slumps down on you, burying her face in your neck and breathing you in.

“I’m sorry I can’t choose you over the world,” Natasha whispers, voice breaking. And then, angrily; “how dare you?” She asks, pulling away to glare at you so brokenly you start to feel guilt—so brokenly that you're selfishly glad you won’t have to be there for the aftermath of how you destroy Natasha. “How- how could you make me choose when you know…”

She doesn’t finish, just sobs and shakes her head, but you know. You know what she was going to say.

How dare you make her have to choose the world, when you know she wants to choose you.

It’s an admission of defeat that doesn’t leave you feeling victorious.

“You’ve been an idiot before, I can’t risk you being an idiot again. They need that stone,” Natasha gets out between sobs, wanting to explain because she needs you to understand. You already do though. You already do.

“I get it baby. I’ve been too unpredictable,” you laugh but it’s humorless and Natasha only shakes harder. “I’m sorry for all the missions I've sabotaged for you.”

How does one do this, you wonder. How does one just walk off a cliff to save the world, to save the women they love, with the women they love watching. How does one decide when they’ve said all the goodbyes they need to say and are ready, when you don’t think you could ever be done talking to Natasha, when you don’t think you’ll ever be ready to leave her if you’re leaving her alone.

You think you're done and that the world can’t hurt you anymore, but then it hurts you more, and how can you leave Natasha in a world like this one if you’re incapable of showing her it can get better too. If you’re incapable of showing her that there’s beauty in life too.

“Don’t hate people,” you ask quietly, “don’t hate people, or the world, because you had to sacrifice me for it. The world is beautiful, Nat. The world is beautiful,” and as you say it you think back on five years where you were incapable of seeing it and you’re left to regret it all.

That’s the irony of life. You realize things and you see them as they are when it’s too late.

“There’s poetry in life. There’s meaning in everything. Look for it when I'm gone, okay?” You beg, closing your eyes and feeling this. Feeling Natasha on top of you, shaking but there, feeling the breeze, feeling the ground beneath you, feeling the coldness, and the warmth, and everything in between, feeling the beat of your heart, and the breaths you take. Feeling the love. The love that’s there when everything else becomes not good enough.

“Look at the sun when you want to feel me, and listen to the rain when you want to hear me. Listen to the others, you aren’t alone even when I'm not there.”

“Stop,” Natasha pleads breathlessly, squeezing you so tightly you’d be worried about the bruise it’s going to leave later if there was a later for you. “Stop talking. Stop it—stop. You can’t—you can’t. It’s unfair. It’s unfair.”

You nod, opening your eyes again and gently nudging a shattered and broken Natasha off of you. “I was done anyways,” you tell her with a smile, glancing at the cliff you’ll be jumping from. Natasha’s hand holds onto your wrist tightly when she looks at the cliff too.

Her eyes are more expressive than they’ve ever been right now, and you can see how close she is to saying ‘fuck it’ and jumping instead. You can see it in how tense she is, like she’s physically fighting herself to stay, you can see it in the way her breath quickens, the way her eyes narrow like she’s trying to think of another way, and you decide that it’s time to go before she decides she’s willing to risk.

“Close your eyes and count to ten.”

Natasha’s eyes snap back towards you. “I love you,” she says quickly, “I love you so much,” and then she’s kissing you, and pulling back much too quickly , and you're shooting her in the thigh, shooting her because she had this look. This terrifying look on her face that was entirely desperate, crazed, and determined. She was heart over head, when you needed the opposite.

You run towards the edge of the cliff as soon as the gunshot rings out because Natasha is an immovable object and when she wants something a bullet in her leg isn’t going to stop her.

“You’re a real asshole Nat!” You growl out, dodging a grappling hook.

Natasha doesn’t have a lot of long distance weapons on her other than the grappling hook and her gun, and she’s not fast enough to get to you with an injured leg, that’s what you think until she shoots some weird electrocuting web thing at you.

It only takes you out for a couple of seconds, but she still manages to catch up to you in that time.

And now...now you’re scared. Now you’re terrified.

She’s on top of you again, eyes hard and unrelenting as she pushes you into the ground and tries to get up again. You prevent her by wrapping your legs around her waist.

“Natasha! What about Clint’s family?! What about Wanda? What about Peter, he was just a kid, what about—”

“What about you?!” Nat chokes out roughly, struggling against you. “What about you, Y/N, and what about— what about me?”

“It’s either you lose or I lose,” you say softly, freeing your hand from Natasha’s grasp and finding the knife Tony made for you in its safety sheath. It’s hot enough to cauterize a wound—he made it that way because he said you got injured too often—and you brought it just in case. “And Natasha, I’m too selfish and my ego is too big to be okay with losing.”

“There’s no winner here,” Natasha says a moment before you press your scathing knife against her injury.

The yell she releases then is nothing compared to the earth shattering cry she lets out when you manage to escape from under her and leap over the edge of the cliff with one final look over your shoulder and a smug; “I really hope there isn't a hell.”

The whole way down you think of Natasha’s face before you went over the edge, pleading and so unbearably sad. So unbearably unwilling, and not ready to let you go.

Your final thought before you hit the ground is; “The world was really beautiful because of you, Nat”, and then you only have an instant to wish you could have had time to tell her that.

———-

They bring the people they lost from the snap back, but they don’t bring everyone back.

It’s victory, they all know, but it doesn’t feel like victory. It doesn’t feel like victory because Vision is gone, Gamora is gone, Tony is gone, you’re gone, and none of them will ever be the same again.

It’s victory on the back of sacrifice, so it isn’t good enough. It isn’t good enough to be worth celebrating. They’re all just so tired. Natasha is so tired.

They won, but she doesn’t feel that, all she feels standing there is the phantom touch of your hand on her back, and your lips against her ear, asking her to not hate the world, asking for her to look for the poetry of things—but she thinks that if life is full of poetry, then her life is just one tragic poem.

She still tries though. She opens her eyes back up and tries to think of anything other than the way her heart feels so much heavier than it did with half the world gone.

When she looks up at the sky, the clouds and smoke part just a bit and she gets washed in the glow of the sun.

Look at the sun when you want to feel me.

Natasha’s breath catches in her throat, full of too much emotion, and her legs give out from under her, because suddenly the world is beautiful. Suddenly you’re there, and the world is full of poetry too, because there has always been poetry in the way that you have always been there for her when she needed you the most.

“Thank you,” Nat whispers, clutching a hand over her heart and trying to find the words to communicate with you that she needs you forever. That she needs you back. Trying to find the words to say that the sun and rain aren’t enough, but knowing that you realistically couldn’t hear her anyways.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect us from the ugly of the world. I’m sorry I let us live in it for too long,” Natasha thinks, “I’m sorry it was all I could see when you were right there showing me the beautiful.”

———

Wanda is the one to find Natasha after people start wondering where she is. She finds her with her face pressed into the dirt, and oddly enough—the lowering sun peaking through the clouds only touching her.

When she wakes her up Natasha’s eyes are frantic and scared until she looks up in the sky and sees the sun still there. Still on her somehow.

“Are you okay?” Wanda forces herself to ask, even though she knows the answer.

Surprisingly, Natasha nods and laughs, exhausted and delirious. “As long as the sun is still up.”

It’s the closest thing she’s got to you, Natasha doesn’t say.

It’s the only warmth she thinks she’s going to feel for a long while.

It’s the only thing she can find beautiful in the world anymore, even as she tries to look harder for other things like you asked.

It’s the only thing she feels, and the only thing she wants to feel anymore. It’s the only thing she has.

[athensgorgia]

Jealous Gojo x female reader

Summary: Gojo is running all your dates with potential partners. He just doesn't know why yet.

Warnings: Mature language and suggestive themes

Gojo was sitting next to you.  Why the fuck was he sitting next to you.  For the first time in your life you had a date and Gojo decided to tag along.  "Get the fuck out of here before my date gets here or so help me god I will kill you!" you seethed.  Gojo payed your threats no mind flagging down a waiter "I want whatever cake you have.  What about you y/n-chan?" he asks nonchalantly.  "I want you to leave." you say in an exasperated tone.

     "Now, now y/n-chan.  We can't have that now can we?  What if he's a total wierdo?" Gojo insists.  "You're the one who is being wierd!  I didn't even tell you I was on a date!  How did you even know!?" you cried.  "Well when something is really important I make it my business to know what is going on.  Especially when it comes to my little  y/n-chan."  Gojo explains ruffling your done up hair afterwards.  "Ugh, I'm not a little kid anymore you have to start letting me go." you sigh.

     You think you've finally gotten through to Gojo.  He turns to you and sighs.  "That lipstick is so not your color." Gojo scoffs.  Gojo then takes his hand and starts forcibly rubbing his thumb on your lips to remove the makeup.  You Immediately start trying to slap his hand away, but him being the strongest it was no use. 

     Right then your date walks in and finds you and Gojo.  Gojo's hands still resting on your face smearing lipstick everywhere.  You instantly muster all your strength and shove Gojo off of you.  "Hiro, hi it's good to see you!" you greet your date awkwardly.  Hiro puts on a very confused face.  "Hi, who is this y/n" Hiro asks.  "He's nobody and he was just leaving." you insist and give Gojo a face that says 'beat it'. 

     Gojo cracks a sinister smile.  "So Hiro, how much money do you make per year?" Gojo prods.  You go to hit Gojo but your hands just bounce off of him.  Hiro looks very nervous and stays silent.  "I was just wondering what redeeming qualities you have since attractiveness clearly isn't one of them." Gojo prattles on.  Hiro turns to you "Sorry I don't think this is going to work out." Hiro says not even waiting for an excuse and rushes out.

     You place your head in your hands trying to recuperate from the fiasco that just unfolded.  When you look at Gojo he's happily eating his cake not at all ashamed at what he had done.  "Why would you do that?  That's the first time anyone has ever even wanted to ask me out." you say too defeated to yell.  "Oh it's definitely not the first time.  This is just the first time I haven't assessed them beforehand." Gojo states casually continuing to munch on his cake.

     "What!?" you gasp in disbelief.  "Oh you know I've just been really busy so I couldn't get around to it this time." he shrugs.  "Not that stupid the thing you said before!" you seethed.  "I'm not just gonna let anyone date you.  I have to make sure they're good enough for you.  I have to do alot of research.  It's very tiring you know.  You should really thank me.  The least you could do is pay for my cake." Gojo huffs mouth full of cake.

     "Oh my god..." you whimper and run your hands through your hair.  "It makes so much fucking sense." you cry.  "Don't cry over that guy!  He was as interesting as a piece of white bread."  Gojo says with gusto trying to cheer you up.  "FUCK YOU!   I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE BECAUSE OF YOU!" you screech and then storm out.

     "And that's why I need you to date her for me!" Gojo chimes.  Nanami takes a deep breath "I'm not going along with this game of yours." he sighs.  "Aw c'mon!  She's a great girl.  You won't find anyone better than her." Gojo pleads.  "Find someone else it doesn't have to be me." Nanami deflects.  "Yes it does Nanami!  I can only let her date in good conscience if I know the person is good." Gojo insists.  "Find someone else then there are tons of people better than me." Nanami states flatly.

     "No Nanami you're perfect.  You're young, handsome, responsible, make a decent living, and have a nice dick.  I know because I peaked in the urinal." Gojo says proudly.  Nanami was disgusted with Gojo's hidden knowledge and wanted to flee as fast as possible.  "Fine one date." Nanami sighs already regretting his decision.

     Gojo waited outside the door of your apartment and kept banging on the door.  "Hi y/n!  I know you're still mad at me but I have a piece offering!" Gojo announces.  "Go away!  I'm still mad at you!" you yell through the door.  "I can make it up to you!  I got you a date with the best guy I know!" Gojo promises.  You open the door "What!?  When!?" you ask very confused.  "Right now.  Go get ready!" Gojo urges you to hustle.

     You get ready as fast as you can and bolt out the door with Gojo.  The walk there was stressing you out.  You had no idea what kind of person Gojo set you up with all Gojo sad was 'the blond one with glasses'.  On your way there Gojo walked arm in arm with you making sure you didn't trip in your heels and assuring you looked great.

     When you reached the front of the restaurant Gojo pushed you through the door and waved goodbye.  You were nervous, very nervous as you scanned each table to find your blind date.  Till you spotted a serious looking man matching Gojo's description.  You walked over and introduced yourself "Hello I'm y/n l/n.  I think Gojo Satoru set us up together." you said.  The man stood up from his seat and held his hand out for you to shake it.  "I'm Nanami Kento." He says formally as you shake his hand.

     "Have you been waiting long?" you ask genuinely concerned about how long Gojo made Nanami wait.  "I've been waiting two hours, but I know that's not your fault." Nanami replies coolly.  "I'm sorry he's always been like that.  He must have also dragged you here for a date." you apologize.  "No worries.  Your a pretty and polite young woman.  I'm glad he's found someone like you." Nanami says and flashes the ghost of a smile.

     "What do you mean?" you ask not quite sure what Nanami was referring to.  "Gojo's always going on and on about you.  I'm not even sure he realizes how in love with you he is." Nanami chuckles.  "No, he doesn't like me like that.  He's got pretty much all of Japan to choose from if he even wanted a partner." you say trying to shut Nanami down.  "That's precisely why he likes you.  He's just a regular man to you.  You don't care if he's rich or handsome or strong.  With you he can be whatever he wants.  I bet you've even gotten him to share sweets with you." Nanami explains.

     "No.  That can't be." you say more to yourself than to Nanami.  "Yes it is.  He's an extremely busy man but he makes time to spend with you.  Who do you think is always covering for him?" Nanami sighs hoping you'd understand by now.  Nanami looks at his watch "Any moment now he's going to realize his feelings and storm in like the man child he is.  Don't say anything one he walks in just go with it." Nanami says and as if on que Gojo walks in.

     "Date's over Nanami.  I've decided she can do better." Gojo says as he stomps over to your table.  "Why, I really like her.  I'm even considering marrying her one day." Nanami bluffs.  "No, you're not right for her." Gojo hisses and pulls you out of your chair.  Nanami stands up "Then who is?" Nanami prods trying to get Gojo to admit it.  "I am!  She's mine!" Gojo yells and holds you close to his chest causing an even bigger scene in the restaurant.

     Gojo processes what he just said and carries you out of the restaurant.  Suddenly Gojo teleports you somewhere and when you look around you recognize that this is Gojo's appartment.  Gojo says nothing and just continues walking in the direction of his bedroom.  "Gojo slow down!  Where are we going!?" you protest.  Gojo doesn't answer and continues walking to his bedroom's adjoining bathroom.  He sets you down on the counter.

     "Take your makeup off." Gojo demands.  "What?  Why?" you ask desperate for answers.  Gojo doesn't answer he just grabs a wet towel and starts scrubbing your face.  "Ow that hurts!" you protest, but Gojo continues scrubbing your face too hard.  After your makeup is off Gojo smiles and drags you over to his bed.  He pushes you down and straddles your waist.

     "What are you doing!?" you scream.  "Oh c'mon y/n isn't it obvious or do I have to tell you exactly what I'm going to do to you?" Gojo whispers in your ear.  "No!" you yell as you push him off of you with all your strength.  Gojo falls and lands on his butt looking utterly confused.  You gather yourself and begin leaving.  Gojo grabbed your arm to stop you "Wait... please." he said hesitantly.  "Why should I  you just tried to fuck me like some whore?" you hissed.

     Gojo stayed silent gathering what he was about to say "Isn't that just how I make you mine?" he questions.  "No that might work on some people but that's not how you make me yours." you state.  Gojo gives you a dumb stare.  He was utterly shocked.  No one had ever not wanted to sleep with him, and if he couldn't win you over with his body then his personality sure wasn't going to win you over.  Gojo broke into a cold sweat he wanted you like no one he had ever wanted before and for once in his life what he desired was out of his reach.

     He wracked his brain for something people usually wanted from him.  "I know!  You're like Mie Mie!  I'll just give you money!  How much do you want?" Gojo asks cheerfully but he was not joking this time he was dead serious.  You looked at him appalled and continued walking out.  "Wait!  Wait! Wait!" he pleaded desperately.  You only stopped when he got down on his knees in front of you "Please!  Just tell me how I get you to love me!" he begged. 

     You had to admit you liked seeing Gojo beg for you, but now was not the time for that.  You tilted his chin so he was lookingup at you "You promise you love me?" you smiled.  Gojo nodded his head  frantically.  "Then I'll pick you up tomorrow at six?" you winked and left.  Leaving an awestruck Gojo in your wake.

[christ0pher-evans]

Shattered Heart

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader Warnings: Angst / Cheating / Mentions of Sex  Word Count: 1.9k 

A/N: I never usually write RPF angst fics, only fluff or smut, but I was drowning in many of my drafted smutty stories (not a bad thing) and I felt like I needed to clear my head with something different. I had this idea and Chris was the best fit. If you don’t feel comfortable reading RPF then please don’t! Based on ‘I love you’ by Billie Eilish. Please reblog and like🖤

 ♡

PRESENT DAY Laying in bed, wrapped tightly in Chris’ arms and listening to his soft snores over your shoulder was your confirmation that it was the weekend. Any other day you would be waking up alone, Chris already long gone and busy working. You shifted carefully before sliding out of his gentle grip, putting on your oversized jumper which was discarded on the floor from last night. 

Once you were downstairs and waiting for the pot of coffee to finish, your gaze lingered on the big garden to your home; the hammock that held a blanket from summer evening cuddles, Dodger’s toys flung carelessly from energetic play dates and the makeshift bar that you had built together for the parties you always hosted. All things that highlight the life that you and Chris had started together seven years ago. Smiling to yourself and caught in your memories, you didn’t even hear Chris coming down the stairs. You only realised his presence across the kitchen once you turned around. Taking him in quickly, you noticed a look of anguish fixed on his face. 

“It’s not true, tell me I’ve been lied to”

“Babe, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Upon trying to approach him, to check he was alright, he hastily stepped away as if he was frightened from your touch. Looking away from you, he stayed silent. 

“Chris?”

Now, you were airing on the edge of nervous, genuinely worried something bad had happened but something was also telling you to stay put, to not move closer to him. You kept your distance, leaning against the breakfast bar for support against the unknown. 

“Y/N, I… I have to tell you something.” 

Sick rushed to your throat at the tone of his voice; coarse and frightened. You stayed quiet, too scared to ask him to continue. 

“Last night..” he took a deep breath, “last night, at the work dinner, before I came home; I kissed someone else.” 

Chris took another deep breath before he looked up. You were already looking at him, tears building in your eyes. Gripping the edge of the counter, you bit your lip and took a shaky breath, too afraid to do anything else incase you collapsed from the utter heartbreak washing over you. 

“Y/N, please say something.”

The sound of Chris speaking startled you, suddenly conscious of how long you’d been frozen, practically in suspended animation. Your ethereal bubble of love and adoration abruptly shattered, even the sound of his voice was making you shudder. 

Deep down, you were burning with rage, but your voice only came out as a whisper, “Tell me it’s not true, tell me you’re lying.”

You pleaded, praying and begging that this was some horrible practical joke that he wanted to play on you. 

“I - I’m not lying..”

“So, just to be clear, you went to a work dinner when you knew that I would be spending the fifth night in a row, in our home, eating alone-?” 

Chris went to interrupt but you weren’t finished. You were determined to get your point across before you crumbled. 

“-You went out and kissed someone that wasn’t me and then came home to me, sat and had wine with me and then made love to me but didn’t have the respect for me to tell me the truth the second you walked in the door last night?!” Staring at Chris, you felt the first tears drop onto your flushed cheeks. You didn’t mean to sound so harsh but when everything was fracturing around you, your emotions were the last thing you were trying to control. 

“Up all night on another red eye, I wish we never learned to fly” 

THREE YEARS AGO “Chris, I thought you said you were going to be home this week? It’s our four year anniversary!” You sighed into your wine as you sat eating dinner with him one Sunday evening. 

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry but they want to squeeze in a week of location shooting, it was a last minute decision.” 

You flicked the contents of your dinner round your plate, sad at the thought of another week at home alone. As an editor for a fashion magazine, you could do a lot of work from your home office therefore you’d already told your boss that you were working at home all week to spend time with Chris. In these situations you were so grateful to have an understanding and flexible job but frustrated to have such an in-demand and famous boyfriend. Sitting in silence with Chris, you couldn’t help but feel like this was another nail in the proverbial coffin that was your relationship. 

“Come with me!” Chris blurted out nervously. “You were working from home this week anyway, why not just work from London?” 

Your heart felt warm suddenly. The idea of spending a week in London with Chris was exciting and the sense of feeling wanted squashed your previous anxiety. 

“Of course I’ll come with you, if you want me there?” 

Chris leaned forward, reaching out and pulling your face to his, lips gently brushing against yours as he whispered, “There is nowhere that I could be in this world where I wouldn’t want you by my side, ever.” With that, he caught your lips in a bruising kiss. 

SIX MONTHS AGO “Chris..” you sigh, holding your phone away from your ear so he doesn’t hear the sob that escapes your lips. “I just don’t think that flying me halfway across the country will fix these problems!” 

You were exhausted with fighting a losing battle. You played with the loose tendrils of hair that had fallen around your face, waiting for his reply, wondering if he understood your hidden rejection of his offer. 

“Y/N, you can’t tell me that you want to see me and sort our problems out in person but moan when I offer a perfectly valid solution! I know I’m away a lot at the moment, but your job is so flexible, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just come with me in the first place!” 

You involuntarily groan, irked by what Chris had thought was a perfectly acceptable compromise. He had missed the point completely. Flying from state to state, hell even country to country for the past six months just to get an iota of time with your husband was taxing, it was also forcing you to surrender your own life to follow his. All you wanted was for Chris to understand the sacrifice you’d been making. 

“Okay Chris, I’ll book my flights now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You sighed, disconnecting the phone call and slamming your phone on the sofa in frustration. 

Reflecting back on the past few years, you felt ashamed at your naivety with Chris. You had taken everything with a pinch of salt because you could only imagine how difficult it was for Chris to uphold a relationship, let alone a marriage, with his career, so you were happy to make a small sacrifice if it resulted in spending time with Chris but now you realised, you were sacrificing everything for his happiness, not yours. 

“Cryin' isn’t like you” 

PRESENT DAY The words you had spoken hung over the room like a dark cloud. You knew you were being heinous before you’d given him a chance to explain but you were heartbroken. Your fingers skimmed your lips, disgusted that they’d entwined with Chris’s after he had kissed another woman, disgusted that they had begged him for release as you made love after he had kissed another woman. 

As you wiped your own tears from your eyes, you noticed tears spilling from Chris’s eyes. Your body went rigid - you had only seen Chris cry a handful of times. The feeling of sympathy and guilt should have been foreign to you in this situation but you felt pain from his misery. You could see the torment in his eyes, and you knew that he was angry with himself for hurting you; maybe, just maybe you could sort this out and salvage your marriage. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one that’s crying?” You tried to make light of the problem but recoiled at the distastefulness of your question. 

Moving to the now well-brewed pot of coffee, you poured two mugs before placing one at the other side of the breakfast bar for Chris, a symbolic waving of the white flag. You sat down, anxiously waiting to see if Chris would follow, hoping that you could sort this out like adults and maybe try to recover your trust and your marriage. That’s what you wanted, right?

“Maybe we should just try, to tell ourselves a good lie” 

You took the first sip of your second cup of coffee, still sitting in silence. You had been pondering with how to start the conversation but was admittedly hoping Chris would instigate it. Looking like that wasn’t going to happen, you tore off the bandaid and asked the question you had been dreading finding out the answer to. 

“So, can you start from the beginning and tell me what happened? I think I need to understand what transpired before we move forward.” You spoke calmly, channelling your nerves into picking at your nail varnish. Distracted by the chipped pattern on your nails, you were startled when Chris spoke up. 

“So, um, obviously you and me, we’ve been dealing with what feels like a long distance relationship; even though we live in the same house.” Chris paused from a moment, and you thought he was going to start crying again. You had to look down into your coffee, scared that if you started crying also, you wouldn’t stop. 

“Not that we haven’t handled that before, but this time it felt different, it felt worse. I know it’s not your fault Y/N and it’s not mine either, our jobs are so demanding but I was just feeling so alone.” 

Your heart was shattered at Chris’ confession. Knowing that you were both hurting from the same issue but keeping it to yourselves, it seemed absurd. 

“She was always there. I saw her every day at work, definitely for many more hours than I was seeing you each day, and she is nice. She became my friend and my comfort.”  

Now you felt like you’d been stabbed through the heart. Hearing Chris talk about another woman being everything you thought you were to him crushed you. How could you ever trust him again when he chose another woman to confide in?

“We get on really well, and um, whilst we were waiting outside the restaurant for our taxis, it just sort of.. happened.” 

The rest of the conversation passed by like a bad dream. Remembering snippets of trying to stay calm as Chris told you he made the first move, screaming at Chris when he told you he would still see her at work every day and crying into his shoulder when you admitted you wasn’t sure if this marriage  had a future. 

Chris had left hours ago to stay at a friends house to give you some space. You glanced at the tissues surrounding you - reminders of the tortuous day - as if you were looking for the answers among them. Wiping your puffy eyes for the final time, you waited for something, or someone, to make the decision for you. 

Now, it felt like the quiet at the end of a storm. Like your nightmare had come full circle. You sat in the same spot, alone. 

Part Two: Troubled Heart

[missdawnandherdusk]

Love Story

Draco X Reader

Request: @dracofeltonmalfoy​: your heart breaks at seventeen when you realize that Draco doesn’t love you enough to not marry his betrothed, Astoria. It’s years later and though you’re still hesitant and bitter about what occurred, you still answer the call that Ginny makes to you to help Draco. 

A/n: Look at me posting!! And during midterm week no less!! Thank you so much for this request! (I promise I’m getting to the rest of them). And can I say that I am in love with grown up Draco? Like yes ma’am I’ll take them all. Maturity is attractive. Let me know what you think! I love y’all so much. 

“You don’t understand,” Draco paced the small room. “I have to marry her,”

“Sure,” I spat. “Marry Astoria. I don’t give a damn anymore Malfoy,” I hadn’t used his last name in such a malice tone in years. I could see the effect that it had on him, his face fell.

“Don’t say that,” He begged softly, “Please, I love you,”

“But not enough,” I raised an eyebrow at him. “What happened to everything that we planned? All of the things you promised me? Where did that Draco go?” My voice became thick with tears. “No, you’re so paranoid about your reputation... I’m not waiting around for you to figure out who you want or who you want to follow. I don’t care.” A heavy silence and I had decided. “Have a nice life, Draco.”

“Y/n,” He called as I stood to leave.

“No,” I snapped. “Just... no. I deserve more than this.” 

“I know,” He confessed in a small voice.

That was the last time I spoke to Draco Malfoy in years. At first, I was okay with it. I felt free. I had moved on, found someone new that made what he did to me hurt a bit less. It wasn’t the same, nor what I felt when I was with Draco, but it was enough for the moment. He didn’t last long, and my heart still waited for Draco on some nights, but I had grown up. I had grown confident. I was independent. I didn’t need anyone to tell me they loved me because I loved me. And that was enough. I had healed from having to walk away or face being cut off forever.

I assumed that Draco was happy. His union with Astoria was in the paper. The invitation I received was burned. Why he’d think to invite me left me aggravated and loathing him more than before. But that night I was weak. I cried for Draco Malfoy that night. I almost went. But I refrained. I knew nothing would change even if I did go, so I’d rather be left wondering than left crushed.

The next time I saw Draco’s name in the paper, it was splashed across the front page. A scandal that Skeeter couldn’t wait to publish and get her hands on. Astoria Malfoy caught in an affair with Blaise Zabini. I saw Draco’s stoic face, and though the image moved, and the small child in his arms squirmed, he remained static. I threw the paper down because though it was just a photograph, his eyes still bore into mine, in the same pleading look that he gave me before I left him. I wonder if he knew that I see the photo.

I wonder if he knew that I still loved him even after all these years.

And I had no intention of crossing paths with him. Though I thought about it. A lot. And maybe I had actually written the letter before I burned it... but I decided that no. I was not interfering with his life.

I just never thought that he’d interfere with mine. Well, Harry interfered with my life. Well, Ginny did.

Ginny and I got lunch every once in a while, to catch up along with Hermione. Now that our Hogwarts days and the war was over, an amity fell between the three of us. And it was nice to see some old faces that didn’t cause my heart to rabbit trail into painful memories.

It was a phone call that I had gotten that interfered with my quaint Friday night. 

“Are you in town?” Ginny’s voice sounded strained and frantic.

“Yes, why?” I set down my book, standing.

“Can you come over? We... have a situation...” She voiced.

“What sort of situation?” I pressed, going looking for my shoes and cloak. “Harry just did a spell wrong and now he can’t speak English situation or Ron and Harry tried to do something stupid on their brooms and need medical attention sort of situation?” I teased lightly.

“It relates more to the former...” Ginny sounded almost hesitant to give me details. Her voice was suddenly far from the receiver and muffled. “No, Scorpius, put that down! Harry! No don’t encourage him!” That caught my attention.

“Ginny, what in Merlin’s name!?” I demanded.

“Please just get over here, you were better than we were at potions,”

“Ginny,” I baited.

“Thank you!” Was all she got out and I heard a crash before the line disconnected.

Utterly shocked and standing in deafening silence I let out a frustrated growl. After grabbing my carpet bag of miscellaneous counter curses, antidotes, and talismans I took the Floo network to the Potter’s.

And the sight before me was something that I would not have ever imagined. Draco was slung over Harry’s shoulder, looking intoxicated and completely out of it. Nothing like the cold refined man that I knew him to be. Then Scorpius was running around with Albus all trying to be corralled by James and Ginny while Lily laughed in the background, sitting on the counters.

Deciding that Harry could help with the children more than I could, I rushed to his side and took Draco off his hands, supporting him.

“What’s wrong with him?” I bit out, watching as Harry scooped up Albus as Ginny swooped in and caught Scorpius.

“Nothing, well, he’s been drugged but we’re sure it should wear off in a few hours.” Harry appeased, almost nonchalant.

“Drugged?” I demanded, leading Draco to a well-loved recliner.

“I’m finnnnne,” Draco slurred, his fine blond hair hanging into his eyes in a complete mess. “You have such pretty eyes Y/n,” Draco’s head lulled back against the recliner back as his half- opened eyes gazed into mine.

“Yeah, okay,” I smiled sweetly and gave an alarming look to Ginny—Harry having disappeared into the house with the three other children. “You’ve got to be bloody joking,” I hissed, nearing her.

“I know! Harry was filming him. You should have heard him on the way over. Wouldn’t shut up about you.”

“Get him upstairs.” I begged, exasperated and rubbing my face. “I’m going to find Harry.”

“What? Why?” Ginny’s eyebrows furrowed as she set Scorpius down now that he was calmed with the lack of the other children.

“Because no one makes fun of Draco!” I shouted, not realizing the depth of my words, or how much I sounded like I did back at Hogwarts... when Draco loved me.

Ginny and I both seemed to grasp this as I went red and sighed, going to find Harry. After throwing his phone out the third-floor window, I headed back down a level to where Ginny had taken Draco to a spare room. I found Draco asleep in the bed and Ginny leaning against the doorjamb.

“He’s still asking for you,” Ginny muttered. “He wants to know where the ‘fairest maiden has gone and when will she return’” She raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I groaned, distressed. “How am I supposed to deal with him like this?”

“You probably know better than any of us.” Ginny pointed out. “Isn’t there a counter curse? Or something that you have or know?”

“In all my years I’ve seen nothing close to this. It’s like he’s drunk and on Veritaserum and Amorentia and believe me there is no legal potion out there with that sort of affect.”

“So... what do we do with him?” She asked.

“Wait it out? That’s all I know to do.” I paused. “I’ll stick around and make sure he doesn’t start to die or anything... but I can’t fix him,”

Ginny nodded and gave me a pity look. “Are you going to be okay?”

“That is not the question to ask right now,” I muttered, shrugging off my cloak. “Go on up to Harry and your little ones. Make sure Scorpius is alright, I’ll look after him,”

“If you need anything,” She baited.

“I’ll call,” I smiled.

Alone in the room, I sighed and stared at him before heading to the edge of the bed and sitting gently on the edge.

“Draco?” I asked softly, trying to hide the hurt that sparked in my chest. 

“Y/n, my fair maiden,” He slurred, trying to get up.

“No, no, you need to lie down,” I scolded, pushing him back down, pressing my hand to his forehead—he didn’t have a fever.

“As my lady commands.” He mumbled, causing me to withdraw my touch.

“Don’t.” I inhaled sharply. “You need to sleep Draco. You need to get better.”

“I’m already better with you here,” A dopey smile crossed his face.

“Oh my god Draco!” I snapped, standing, pacing the small room. “Stop saying things like that! You don’t mean them, and I don’t want to hear it!”

When I didn’t get a response from him, I looked over and he was fast asleep at an awkward angle. Sighing, I brushed the stray strands of silky hair from his face and slowly righted him, taking off his shoes and socks positioning him in the center of the bed. After I laid a blanket over him, I sat in the lone chair that was in his room and taking my book from my bag, started again.

It neared eleven at night, and he still hadn’t woken back up. My book finished, I sighed again and stood, stretching. Leaving his room, I saw Harry nodding off in his chair downstairs, Scorpius in his arms, also asleep.

“To bed with you,” I smiled, helping him up.

“Draco?”

“Still asleep.” I informed. “I’m gonna change and I’ll be back to watch him.” 

_______________________

Draco blinked, his head pounding, trying to keep up with the blurred image around him. The first thing he noticed was the blanket over him and his shoes were gone and that you were asleep in the chair next to his bed and this bed was most certainly not his—neither were you for that matter. His memory was fuzzy, and he didn’t remember much, and he didn’t like not remembering.

In an attempt to get up, he woke you, not sure why some part of him cared. He didn’t ask to be taken care of like a child. He processed that he was at the Potter’s for some godforsaken reason, and that you were next to him. Some part of him wished he was just having a really awful nightmare.

“Draco?” You asked sleepily.

Who else would it be?

“Yes,” He spoke quietly.

“Are you... you again?” You mumbled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He snapped, defensive that you were there, or anywhere near him. The nightmare continued.

“You were drugged... were acting weird for a while... I had to throw Harry’s phone out a window.” Your words made some sense... except the last part.

“Why would you do that?” He mused, enjoying your half-asleep state.

“He recorded you... was making fun of you... wasn’t right...” You stretched and rubbed your face yawning.

“I see,” There was a pang in his heart at your words. Something reminiscent in them. Maybe this wasn’t a nightmare after all.

You nodded and stood, staggering slightly. “How long have you been there?”

“What time is it?” You asked weakly. 

“Five in the morning,”

“Mhmm... twelve hours? Finished my book.” You gestured vaguely and yawned again. “M’gonna head back home.”

You started to walk towards the door and almost fell. He was there to catch you though. Your hands clutched at his shirt, running the fabric through your fingertips.

“Okay, yeah. You’re going to stay right here,” Draco muttered. “Because I am not dragging you down those stairs or back home.”

“I’m fine, I’ll get Ginny to take me home,” You yawned gesturing vaguely, your eyes still didn’t open all the way.

“No, you’re not. You’re sleep deprived, and whereas I can handle it, you can’t.” However long he had been asleep—twelve hours apparently—had given him enough rest to be completely awake and alert.

“You’re bossy.”

He chuckled at your sleep ridden words and moved you to his bed, tucking you under the blanket he had been under. You smiled and inhaled them deeply, relaxing instantly. He wondered why you thought of him as a reason to relax.

When he got up to leave, your eyes opened partly.

“Where are you going? You need to rest more. You were drugged.” 

“I’ve dealt with worse drugs Y/n,”

“Mmm I don’t think you’ve ever been like that. I’ve seen you high and drunk and that was... something else.” You mumbled. “Please rest Draco. Stay with me and sleep.”

Your words were like daggers to his heart. Were you aware that you were saying them? Surely you couldn’t be, because surely you wouldn’t ever mean them. It had been too long since you ever murmured those words.

“Am I not allowed to find to where my son has gone?” He mused, knowing you’d let him go for that and then be too far into sleep to notice that he didn’t come back.

You hummed in agreement he supposed. Just as he went to close the door, he heard you jumbled words again.

“Why would you say that?” There was hurt and confusion in your tone. “Why would you...?”

Not knowing whatever that was about, Draco closed the door softly behind him and sighed. He felt disgusting. He wanted nothing more than a warm bath and some fresh clothes and for Merlin’s sake a comb. But those things would have to wait, because bright blue eyes blinked up in the early morning as they always did.

“Good morning my little birdie,” Draco smiled, pulling Scorpius into his arms. “Quite a change of scenery here isn’t it?” He mused, to a nodding giggling Scorpius.

“Draco, you’re awake,” The tired voice belonged to Ginny, who sounded surprised even in her weary state.

“I am,” A quiet pause. “Thank you... I’m not quite sure what happened last night but...”

“Do you have any memory at all?” Ginny asked, taking out a jar of applesauce, setting a bowl and spoon for Scorpius.

“I... no. I was at the Gala, next thing I know, I wake up and Y/n is asking if I’m me again,” Draco thanked her and began to spoon feed Scorpius the apple puree.

“Are you, you?” Ginny asked, leaning against the counter before setting off to brew a pot of coffee.

“Quite,” He clipped. “What does that even mean? What happened last night?”

Unbridled terror set in Draco’s chest as Ginny recounted the night back to him. The only thing that kept him from breaking something was the toddler in his arms, clinging to him.

“I... I was asking for Y/n?” Draco asked, his voice shaking.

“Honey, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say even intoxicated and drugged, you knew she’d be there for you,” Ginny raised her eyebrow at him. “You wanna explain that?”

Draco shot her a cold look and went back to aiding Scorpius eat. Maybe that had been why you asked why he would say something like that... and that was a valid and honest question: why would he? He had gotten over you. That was that. He moved on.

Not that he loved Astoria. No, he could never see her as more than someone who drove you away from him. And perhaps that was the reason behind her affair. Maybe it was because she knew that he didn’t love her, and she didn’t love him. Some part of him wished that she had just been honest with him... then it wouldn’t be such gossip in the Wizarding World. They could have divorced and gone on their own ways. But perhaps not. The marriage was arranged. It would take more than a divorce to end it. Perhaps the scandal was for the best after all.

“Thank you for your hospitality, but I’m afraid I have to go,” Draco said softly. 

“Draco,” Ginny chided. “You can’t just leave her here,”

“I can do as I please,” Draco snapped harshly before remembering himself. “Thank you, once more,”

Draco only hesitated when he went to fetch his shoes from the spare room, and caught sight of you sleeping soundly, a soft smile on your face. Something in his chest distorted a bit more.

_________________________

I woke in the late morning, semi remembering why I was at Ginny’s, then it all came flooding back. I didn’t even have to ask where Draco had gone because I knew he had gone. I knew he’d leave at the first chance he’d get.

Apologizing and thanking Ginny, I headed back home to shower and don clean clothes. Ginny gave me a worried look and said to call if I needed anything. I assured her I was fine and wasn’t going to have an emotional breakdown. Crying while I showered meant nothing.

I was fine.

Monday at work, Harry found me in the staff room fixing a cup of tea.

“You’re going to have to talk to him eventually,” Harry nudged my shoulder as we stood at the mini coffee bar, not even having to specify who he thought I should speak to.

“I’m not gonna follow him around like a lost puppy Harry, I’m done with that.” I shifted the weight on my feet. “He’s grown, he can handle himself,”

“Well I get that, but you can... act human at least. You’re shutting him out completely.” Harry pointed out. “And I don’t think either of you want that,”

“I wouldn’t know what he wanted,” I sighed in vain. “It’s not that easy Harry,” I pressed, cradling my mug in my hands. “I haven’t worried about him before, why should I now?”

“Because when he was drugged all he could do was ask for you and you dropped everything to make sure he was alright and slept in a chair for a night to keep an eye on him?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“And maybe it was the drug and maybe I’m a decent person,” I refuted.

“All I’m saying I’ve been his work partner for a better half of five years and I’ve never seen him like this. He’s shutting everyone else out since the affair... everyone but you,” Harry’s green eyes reaffirmed his words.

I stared at my tea and didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to believe Harry’s words. I didn’t want to entertain the idea that maybe there was something left between Draco and I. But no matter how much I didn’t want to, I still thought about it all day during work, despite my best efforts.

How fitting it was that it was raining as I stepped onto the London street. Typical of London, no doubt, but it seemed as a sign all the same. Going to cast a shielding charm I froze when I saw in my peripheral pale skin and near white hair. I tried not to pay him any mind, but it seemed that whatever intentions I had were stopped by the words Harry had said earlier. My eyes wandered out to the city streets as rain started to fall slightly harder.

“Y/n?” Draco called my attention, his use of my name barely having any life in it.

“Yes?” I tore my attention away from the view.

“It’s raining,”

“Stellar observation,” I commented, remembering my shielding charm, creating an umbrella over me.

“Perhaps you would like to get out of it?” His voice was hesitant. “I suppose I do owe you for Friday night,”

That caught my attention and I finally turned to look at him. His was reserved, guarded. Yet there was something in his eyes that he couldn’t hide. A hope. A wish. A fantasy that I had written myself out of.

“You don’t owe me anything,” I finally whispered.

A sad sort of smile played at his lips. His eyes still didn’t leave mine as if we were transfixed on another, the stars wishing us to remain connected.

Screw the stars.

“Have a nice evening,” I ushered out before Apparating back home.

It was that night that I gave in. For the first time in almost ten years I gave in. There was a small fabric box tucked into my closet, collecting dust. Green and black with silver engravings. Tears streaming down my face, I sat on my bedroom floor and opened it.

It was every letter he wrote me. I should have burned them long ago, but I never did.

~

My Dearest, Y/n,

In the midst of this darkness, you are the only light I need. I’d face a world full of demons for the sake of you, my angel. I know it is dark now, and this path isn’t ideal, but I will fight for you, I will fight with you. Stand by my side my dearest angel. Be the fairytale maiden in this narrative and let me be your hero. I’ll never leave you, my love. And when morning light comes, I shall be in your arms again and my world will be complete.

Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you, 

Your Draco

~

My Beloved, Y/n,

Do you know what my paradise would be? You and me, away from it all. Free and able to love and live freely. Rainy days and warm cups of tea. Even without a fire to keep us warm, the warmth of your smile will keep me from freezing even on the coldest night. And though it may be nothing more than you reading a book or watching the sun rise, you’d be my goddess, the reason I existed, the one that I praised and prayed to each morning and evening. My paradise would be you and I, in a heaven of our own when I could worship you in every way, in every language known to man.

Your Draco

~

My Darling, Y/n,

How this summer grows longer with every day that passes. I wish that I weren’t away in Paris having to accompany my parents. I’d much rather be in your arms. And each night I watch the stars and the moon, knowing that you are doing the same. We are watching the same moon after all, no matter how far apart we are. That gives me more hope that you are true, and not a dream that I’ve let run wild.

And just as the night that I could not see the moon because of the clouds, I know that even now, though I do not see you, I know you are still there and that you still love me. You are my moon, my darling. You are my stars, my night sky. You hold every bit of majesty and wonder as they do.

I shall be back soon my love, 

Your Draco

~

Though the pile of unread letters was still tall, my vision was blurred by tears and heart wrenching sobs that broke from my chest. Hugging my knees and hiding my face in my arms, I wept. For the first time in years, I let myself mourn Draco Malfoy. For the love that I had for him. For the love that we shared. For the boy I knew in Hogwarts and for the man I resented. For the Draco Malfoy that called to me while drugged and inebriated. For the Draco Malfoy who had tried to make amends. For the Draco Malfoy I had turned down.

I mourned the girl in the mirror as well. For her broken jaded heart. For the years she spent alone and in denial. I mourned the girl who would still do anything for him if he’d only ask. I mourned the girl who was tired of trying to be strong on her own. I mourned the girl who craved companionship even though she was confident in herself.

I cried for the lovers in the letters. I held them close to my chest and cried. Tears dripped off of my cheeks and onto the faded aged parchment. Senseless words left my lips as I tried to rationalize these emotions. As I tried to make sense of this feeling—something that I had neglected for too long.

The hour was late as my fire burned lower and lower in my hearth. I sat curled up under a blanket on the floor with a mug of tea. Watching the flames, I let myself reminisce about the past. About Draco. About what could have been. A small smile lingered on my lips as gentle tears fell occasionally.

The rest of the week, I didn’t run into Draco. Not that I sought him out. Or that our departments ever crossed. Or that I cared.

I did however run into a former Malfoy in Diagon Alley a week after having to babysit Draco. 

“Astoria,” my voice was calm and gentle as rage lurked beneath.

“Y/n,” she seemed almost happy to see me as she came forward to hug me. My cold step back stopped her, her eyes finding my judgemental gaze. Her demeanor changed. 

“Of all the people I know, I thought you’d understand,” her voice was guarded and hurt.

“Thought I’d understand?” I nearly gasped, surprised at my anger towards her. “I know Draco like I know my own mind. I hope you’re happy because you’ll never find someone that trusting and kind again.” Our glares combatted another as tension grew between us.

“You walked out on him same as I did.” She accused. “Who do you think had to pick him up from that?” Her words were sharp as I took a breath in.

“I walked away because he had to marry you!” I snarled. “I’d never walk out on him if I had another choice!” We were starting to draw attention of passersby. I didn’t really care. “I chose his happiness over mine,”

“Oh really?” She didn’t seem convinced.

“I chose your happiness over mine, even.” I realized. “He had to get married. He had to marry rich. A pureblood. Someone his parents approved of. He desperately wanted their approval...” my voice fell as the memories came flooding back. “That made him happy back then, doing what he thought was right...”

“You should be thanking me then!” Astoria exasperated. “I gave him his happiness!”

“Are you serious?” I demanded. “You broke his heart! You left him with a child alone! You publicly humiliated him! In clearing your name from the Malfoy’s you’ve ruined his life! And you think he’s happy now!?”

“How about we ask him?” She countered; her gaze fixed on someone in the distance.

I whirled around, meeting curious jaded blue eyes as he strolled down the lane. 

“Draco,” The soft gasp left my lips.

“What’s the meaning of this?” His voice was calm despite the firmness it held as he addressed me, not Astoria.

“Nothing,” I answered softly. “It’s nothing,”

“Sure, defend his honor and call it nothing,” Astoria sneered.

“You don’t get to talk,” I snapped, turning back to her. “You’ve done enough.”

“Y/n,” Draco chided softly, taking a place beside me. “I can handle this,”

“Draco,” I argued, looking up at him only to be silenced by a steady pleasing gaze from his eyes.

“Astoria,” He finally greeted, and I could see his guard go up. There was a warning in his single word and something passed between them.

“Draco,” She nodded then turned to leave without another word. He went to leave as well, and I caught his arm.

“Draco, hang on,” I called.

As he faced me, a sadness lingered in his eyes. I wondered about Harry’s words and how he was shutting everyone out. Everyone but me.

“If that offer is still open...” I tested. “I’d love to get out of the rain with you,”

Calculations ran through his eyes and I could see each one. For a moment I thought my request was a lost cause. That he was about to turn me down as I turned him down not a few days ago. Our eyes locked and the stars seemed to draw us back together. Now... now I felt something different. Something new in my heart towards Draco. It wasn’t what it had been before, but something morphed, changed, unyielding.

“Alright,” He nodded with a sigh.

“If you don’t want to... you don’t owe me anything Draco,” I rushed out, taking a small step back.

“Publicly defending my honor might count for something,” He mused softly. “Shall we?”

“I think I mentioned tea,” A soft chuckle left my lips as we entered Florean Fortescue Ice Cream Parlor.

“This is a favorite of Scorpius’,” Draco murmured. “I’ve grown accustomed to it...” He paused. “You used to like it as well,” A small smirk lingered on his face. “Has that changed?”

“No,” I admitted, flushing a bit pink.

“Butter pecan, waffle cone?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Waffle bowl,” I amended. “I’m not a child,”

“Oh, I’m sure,” He let out a soft laugh and ordered for the two of us. He hadn’t changed either, he still chose mint chocolate chip in a sugar cone.

“So, where’s Scorpius, he’s not old enough for Hogwarts, is he?” I asked as we sat at a small table outside.

“Merlin, no,” Draco chuckled. “He’ll be six in January, and at the moment he’s with my mother. She watches him while I’m away at work,” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“How’s he doing with—um...” I asked timidly,

Draco’s smile sobered as his gaze dropped to the table to the used napkins that had gotten the stickiness off of our hands and left colorful wrappings from the cones.

“Or not,” I whispered. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It wasn’t my place,”

“Still the apologetic I see,” A sad sort of smile hit his lips. “And he’s taking it hard... harder than I am, I think. I knew she didn’t love me... I don’t think he ever understood it all...”

“I’m so sorry,” I offered.

He shot me an amused look.

“I mean it,” I insisted. “It’s not fair for either of you...” 

“Thank you,” Genuine gratitude held in his voice.

“Oi, Malfoy! Lunch ended twenty minutes ago!”

I heard a familiar voice and turned to see Harry walk into the small shop. As soon as Harry saw me sitting across from Draco, his demeanor changed and a grin grew on his face as if to say: ‘I told you so,’ but to which one of us I wasn’t sure.

“Hi Y/n,” Harry said cheerfully.

“Not a word, Potter,” Draco and I said simultaneously before catching the other’s gaze. Harry and I began to laugh, and I heard the gentle sound of Draco’s true laughter—something he rarely did, even when I knew him, but I cherished the sound all the same.

“I’m glad you two got to catch up, I am, but Draco, Mulligan has my arse because you’re missing,” Harry air-quoted the last word.

Sighing, Draco stood. “Y/n,” Was all he said as a goodbye before he and Harry set off.

I sat and stared at the empty space he left for a while, wondering what was going on between us. Was something going on between us? My heart said yes but my mind said no. I had forfeited the right to have anything with him. I walked away.

But still I wondered.

The next morning my phone kept chiming. Again, and again it wouldn’t stop with notifications and calls. I groaned and grabbed it off my beside table and squinted at it. A lot of the notifications were from friends and people I rarely talked too. One of them was from Ginny. I opened that one.

“How was your date?” It read and showed a picture of Draco and me at the ice cream parlor yesterday. We looked happy. The headline read:

Malfoy Moving On? Head Auror Caught with Old Classmate Sweetheart After Scandal

Then it dawned on me. This made the news. National news.

Scrolling through my phone, I found a number that I had but never called before. I had gotten it from Harry and Ginny long ago for emergences if Harry got injured on a case. I don’t think he knows I have it.

“Hello? Auror Malfoy,” A slightly tired voice answered, and it drew a smile on my lips before I remembered why I called.

“Draco,” I began, not knowing how to start this conversation.

“Y/n? How did you get my number?” In his weariness his tone was a lot harsher and blunt. His words stung.

“Harry gave it to me in case I needed it if something went wrong on one of your cases,” I explained softly. “I can delete it if you want... I was just wondering if you’ve seen this morning’s paper yet,”

“I have not,” He replied.

“Oh,” Anxiety grew in my chest. “Call me when you do?” I squeaked out. “Or don’t. Yeah, bye,” I quickly hung up and screamed at the ceiling, throwing my phone across the room. “Stupid Draco Malfoy!” I shouted at no one. Staring at the ceiling I wasn’t aware of how long I sat there.

Then my phone started ringing across the room. Of course, it was Draco.

“Hello?” I answered timidly.

“When can you be at the Manor? We need to talk,” Nothing scared me more than those four words.

“I—uh... half an hour?” I fumbled for words. “Draco—” The line disconnected. “Draco!” I yelled in frustration.

My body trembled as I got ready, knowing that that last time we had “talked” had ended our relationship and set us on different paths. I hoped to the stars that that wouldn’t happen again. I... I liked having Draco in my life. I wanted to be there for him, because according to Harry, I was the only one he would let in. Then there was the matter of whatever happened the night he was wasted and calling for me.

Taking the Floo network, I stepped into Malfoy Manor—a place I hadn’t been in over ten years. Draco was waiting for me in the grand foyer, appearing quite unkept, his hair a rumpled mess and his dress shirt still untucked, the tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“Hello,” I offered softly.

He hummed a greeting and motioned for me to follow him. I thought that I was going to throw up with the amount of anxiety bubbling in my stomach. I didn’t like this at all.

Leading me into the grand kitchen he nodded to the island bar where two mugs of tea had been set out. My heart panged as I looked at the warm liquid that held the right hue of creaminess and I wondered if Draco remembered how I took my tea after all this time.

“I’m having Mulligan and Granger take care of it,” was all he said as he took a careful sip of his tea, his gaze fixed upon the newspaper on the counter before us.

“Take care of it?” I pressed, frowning.

“The photos. The newspapers.” He filled in.

“No, I get that,” I almost rolled my eyes, “But why? It’s just gossip...” 

“Why?” Draco almost snapped. I looked to my tea ashamed. He took a breath. 

“Do you regret it? Yesterday?” I barely spoke.

“Why would I?” He acted if I were the insane one here, “We went out. We enjoyed each other’s company. It was fine.”

“Then why would you tell Mulligan to— “

“I didn’t.” He stopped me. “He told me he was doing it. He was supposed to have stopped it from ever happening.”

“You knew. You knew this was going to happen,”

“Yes, or something like it, and I tried to stop it. The press has been... unforgiving of my name and business as of late and I didn’t want to drag anyone else into it,”

I nodded and looked down till I heard him sigh.

“Especially not you,” He tacked on.

“What?” My sleep deprived brain was trying to catch up.

Draco pursed his lips and stared at the photo of us smiling at another on the front page.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe that I have forfeited the right to ask anything of you or hope to include you into my life in any way,” Melancholy riddled his words and my heart fell as I yearned to reach out for him.

“So, you’ve been avoiding me?” I didn’t understand the frustration I felt. “I... You—God above Draco.” I hissed. “Why don’t you let my make that choice myself? I forfeited that right just as much as you did,”

“I don’t see how,”

“I walked away from you... I made that choice.” 

“But did you have a choice?” Draco countered softly.

I didn’t have a response for that. Not a good one that I could defend well. Sure, I could claim I did and that I made the choice... but back then, our hands were tied. There was fear and war and uncertainty, and perhaps I didn’t have a choice after all.

He spoke before I had the chance to form a sound argument.

“As you know work with Harry as well.”

“Yes,” I acknowledged.

“And that a week ago Friday was a bit of a disaster for the both of us,”

“Wouldn’t be one of my least favorite nights, but a disaster... sure.” I drawled, raising an eyebrow. He ignored my taunt and pressed on.

“Harry suggested that I take you out to make it up to you. Hence the invitation that one day and then our date yesterday,” His explanation made me pause.

“That was a date?” I asked, anxiety growing in my chest of where this could go.

“I mean... it fit all the perimeters of a date.” He was testing the waters as much as I was.

I let out a short laugh.

“I suppose it did,” I nodded to the paper in front of us.

“He also said that perhaps I shouldn’t have to be inebriated to figure out and express my emotions toward you—or anyone for that matter,” He tacked on, a mumbled mess.

“I... you—”

“You asked me why I would say something like what I said,” Draco gave, pressing on, not giving me a moment to process. “I doubt you remember it—you were half awake—but... No matter how much I’ve lost the right and privilege, I want you in my life, Y/n. Apart of it, if you’re willing,”

They talked about time freezing around you and how everything comes into focus. And that there are moments when all of the heartache and pain will one day count for something, and perhaps this was it. This was that moment. That point that I could make all of the pain and tears mean something beautiful. Something not quite new, but no longer old and forgotten.

“I... I want you in my life too,” I whispered the confession. “It’s... it’s really nice... to have you back,” My gaze dropped to the counter and the tea in my hands as guilt pierced through me.

“Can... can you ever forgive me? For all the hurt and pain I’ve caused you? Have I done too much that there’s no hope?”

“I... I never blamed you.” I admitted. “Or if I did, I don’t now. But Draco, we’re both different people now. I... I need your patience. Because as much as I want to say yes, I... I don’t know. I don’t know what hurts are going to come back up or what scars might reopen... If you’re willing to deal with that...”

“If you’re willing to deal with the rumors and gossip and stuffy life that I lead... I’ll wait a thousand lifetimes for you to be ready again,”

________________________

The kindness and forgiveness in your eyes brought him back. Way back. To the Yule Ball when you had been introduced to him. It was a dance of formalities and posture. He knew that you were a bit of a flirt, but after spending time with you, he could see that your bright over-friendly personality earned you such a reputation.

When Draco was younger, when he was at Hogwarts, when you were by his side, he thought he knew three things that would never change.

The first was that he was a Malfoy. He had to marry rich, marry whoever his parents picked out for him. There was no debate about that. It was the way things were. Keep the pureblood line going and the wealth in the family, if not expound upon it. He was the only son of his parents and it was his duty to carry the name on, carry it higher. He was a Malfoy.

The second was that as soon as he saw your face, that all changed. There was no one quite like you. He had never met anyone who matched him heart and mind and yet somehow you were kind and gentle at the same time. Your intelligent eyes that made him forget his name. He knew there would never be a day that he didn’t love you. That freedom you gave. He loved you.

And thirdly: he was betrothed to Astoria Greengrass.

That was about a decade ago. Now, only one of those things held true. Blinking away the memories and thoughts, he met your intelligent determined eyes once more. Everything came crashing down around him. The truth.

Draco didn’t have to marry rich. He had and the girl he married had an affair with another man and he was free from the obligation. He was no longer engaged to Astoria. He no longer had to entertain her listless petty stories or her frivolous shallow needs. He had a son. That kept the family name going, that kept the pureblood line alive.

But Draco still loved you.

And God damn him if he wouldn’t find every way to express that to you.

Maybe that was the reason behind his further actions. It was the reasoning behind why he reached out to you, stroking your face softly as he did long ago. He caressed your cheek as if it were precious marble, a sculpture given to him by the gods.

And for the first time in ten years, Draco didn’t have to fantasize what it would be like to kiss you again. He didn’t have to desperately cling to how your lips felt against his. He didn’t have to deny how much he missed you.

Frozen under his touch, Draco worried that perhaps this was something he should regret. That he should stop. That he should deny still.

But your hand came up slowly, not to push him away but to hold him close as he held you, cradling his face as if he were the most precious thing to you. Your fingers curled into his hair, causing the butterflies in his chest to set flight. Your soft sounds were met with his steady purrs.

His tongue danced with yours in a forgotten waltz. Even after all this time you still tasted the same: sweet, alluring, and faintly like chai.

But you pulled away all too soon for his liking.

“You’re gonna be the death of me one day, Malfoy,” A smile curled on your lips.

“‘Til death do we part,” He jested lightly, earning a slight giggle from you as you pulled away and rebalanced yourself on the barstool.

“So... are we doing this? Like actually doing this?” You asked, fear lurking in your voice.

“I will do everything I can to make this right. To do this properly. To give you what you deserve,” He couldn’t quite understand why you laughed this time.

“I know you love your rules and traditions, but Draco I don’t need any of that and I don’t want any of that. I just want you. To get to know you again. To get to know Scorpius. I want my friend back,”

The desperate plea in your voice mirrored in your eyes and maybe he understood you a bit better and maybe himself, because he wanted that as well. He wanted you in his life. Woven into it. And possibly the first step to having that, was to get to know you again.

So, he would wait. He would learn. And he would love you till his dying day. 

“That would be enough,” Draco smiled softly and took your hand into his.

A few months of dates and quiet nights and lunches together in the break room and the rumors in the papers seemed to fade and the shock value seemed to wane to others. But Draco was still amazed that you decided to stay by his side. That you let him back into your narrative. That you completely adored Scorpius more than his own mother ever did.

As you crouched beside Scorpius and a peacock on the Manor grounds as the three of you took an evening stroll, the smile you gave him made him believe that the past ten years were nothing but a terrible dream. A trial to prove that he had earned this reward.

Though you had asked for patience, it turned out that he needed some as well. Draco had no idea how deep seeded the betrayal from Astoria and his supposed best friend affected him. There were times that he grew angrier than he meant to. There were times he was harsher than he wanted to be. There were times he was more distant than he needed to be. There were times that he was more reckless than he should be.

And there were times when something lingered in your eyes that he didn’t quite enjoy. Fear, or hesitancy. There were new boundaries that you had, and he had learned to respect. You weren’t the same girl he knew at Hogwarts. You were independent, confident, self-made, but still kind and gentle. You didn’t depend on him for everything. You didn’t lean into every touch. You didn’t smile at every jest. His perspective of you changed, and he loved every change made.

A weekend when Scorpius had gone to his parent’s house in Paris for a weekend was the night that Draco truly felt alone for the first time in a long time—since you had been back in his life. As the hour grew later, he paced his study, debating on going to see you, knowing well you’d still be awake.

As the ghosts of his past came to life and overpowered your gentle voice in his mind, Draco was decided. Drawing his wand, he apparated straight to you.

“What in Merlin’s name!?” You demanded, wand drawn, looking frantic, only relaxing when you saw that it was him.

“I... couldn’t sleep. Everything is...” His voice was small, like a frightened child.

You lowered your wand as he stood in the doorway of your bedroom. Running a hand through your hair you sighed softly. He knew he was asking a lot—too much even. It had been a boundary of yours. You weren’t ready to sleep with him—innocently, not sensually—yet.

“Well, come on then,” You smiled softy, sliding over in your bed. “Just like old times,” His memory flickered back to the sleepless nights in the dorms at Hogwarts behind drawn drapes.

“This isn’t me trying—” Draco started, not wanting to push your boundary. He’d sleep on the couch for Merlin’s sake. He just wanted to be near someone who cared for him.

“I know,” You replied softly, reading him like an open book, as you were always able to. 

“And I don’t—”

You rose from your bed, going over to him.

“Still trust me?” You whispered, your hands running up his arms, earning a shudder from him.

Draco nodded; his gaze transfixed on you. He knew what the question meant. It had been a routine of yours at Hogwarts. When he couldn’t seem to get a grip on the day and came to you at night, you were always there to care for him.

And you were there now.

Slowly you unbuttoned his shirt, leaving it to the floor. Going over to your dresser, you pulled out one a shirt that he recognized as his and placed it in his hands. He gripped the fabric tightly.

“You kept this?” His eyebrow furrowed.

A shrug left your shoulders as you neared your dresser again, opening another drawer. “Cotton or fleece?” The question was soft.

“Cotton,”

“I have flannel?” You offered, pulling out a pair of plaid sweats.

“That’ll do,” Draco smiled as you handed him the pants; he gripped them tightly as well.

“You’re safe,” You encouraged, stroking his cheek. “No one’s going to hurt you. No one expects anything of you. You’re alright here... You’re with me,”

“You knew I was coming,” It wasn’t an accusation.

“Eventually, yes. You hate nights alone.” The warmth of your eyes was intoxicating. 

“I prefer it when you’re here,” He admitted.

“Then go change and we can get some sleep, yeah?”

That night had been quiet. It had taken some time, but eventually you laid in his arms, holding onto him as he held onto you. Silent tears fell for the both of you—of fear and acceptance and a new beginning. A step forward.

..........

Draco paced the floor, keeping a close watch to his temper as you arrived, looking confused and worried. And with the scarce information that he gave to you, it was well placed. Without a word—fearing that it might not be a kind one— he led you into the den, to where Scorpius was sitting on the couch, looking guilty and repentant.

“Scorpius,” Draco’s voice was concise and controlled. “Would you care to explain exactly what you told me to Miss Y/n?”

Some anger leaked through. A gentle hand on his shoulder reminded him to find calmness. A gentle smile on your face appeased and welcomed Scorpius as he began to speak.

“I... well... mother left. And papa had these letters... I found them and...I didn’t know who she was... but I thought—” the young boy stammered. “Father always has potions on hand down in his study... I thought that—if I just... he could be happy again,” Scorpius’ voice broke as he started to cry.

Your face crumpled softly, and Draco could see that you yearned to reach out to Scorpius and gather him into your arms but you refrained.

“So, you’re the one who drugged Draco,” You understood his son’s words, not nearly as upset as Draco had been because something else held your attention. “You kept my letters?” You seemed baffled. “All this time?”

Draco scoffed and his face remained stoic, but his cheeks tinged pink, affirming what you had said. And possibly it was the right thing to call you over to deal with this because with calmness and kindness that he never could find, you reprimanded Scorpius.

“Do you understand how dangerous that was?” You scolded. “Potions are not something to be played with or mixed. You could have really hurt your father.”

“I know,” Scorpius cried out, tears falling. “But—he... I thought I could get some answers. Find out who he loved—”

Your eyes met his with wonder and curiosity. There was no escaping that one. Draco wasn’t sure he wanted to avoid it.

“Okay,” Draco pinched the bridge of his nose, his face folded into a pained expression. “We’ll talk about this later young man, now go start your studies.”

“Yes sir,” Scorpius nodded and disappeared into the house.

“Draco don’t be hard on him,” You pleaded, reaching out to him. “He’s just a kid,”

“I know,” Draco sighed, taking your hands. “That’s why I called you. I knew you’d handle it better than I ever could.”

“I’m not his mother, Draco,” You reminded him softly. “I don’t have authority here,”

Draco held his tongue before he really did ask you to be Scorpius’ mother but Merlin he wanted to. And maybe you could see that in his eyes because you looked down, flushing.

“He does seem truly sorry,” You changed the topic quickly before something was confessed after all.

“I think so,” Draco looked to the door from Scorpius had exited. Sighing softly, a hopeless chuckle left his lips. “As livid I am that he got into my stuff, and that I was drugged by a six- year-old, it brought me back to you,”

“I suppose it did,” You smiled. “As long as he promises to keep from your stuff, and to come to talk to you instead of taking matters into his own hands... I don’t see any harm.”

Draco nodded and pulled you into his arms, finding comfort in your solace and steady compassion.

“So...” You drawled, pulling away from him. “You kept my letters?” A mischievous smirk fell upon your face as you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes,” He admitted, defeated. “I know, I know. It’s wrong and—” You burst out laughing, causing him to pause.

“I kept yours too,” Beaming at him, you reached up and stroked his cheek. “Granted I didn’t read them until again the day we got caught in the rain...”

Draco chuckled softly and drew you in for a kiss, marveled that you were even standing in front of him.

______________________________

There was a day that Draco did ask me. Another four words that made my heart soar and want to scream from the rooftops that he was truly mine. It had taken some time, make no mistake. It was redefining what it meant to be married and figuring out what it meant to marry for love and not advantage, but we made it. There was love, patience, and a strong foundation.

“Ginny, I can’t do this,” I whispered, tearing my eyes away from the mirror. “I... I’m not a wife... I—”

“Hush,” She ordered and fixed a hair that was out of place. “You’re the perfect one for him,” 

“But... me? Getting married? I can’t.”

“You love him, don’t you?” She tested, and I nodded, not trusting my voice. “And you can’t see a day without him in your future?” I nodded again, fighting back tears.

Ginny’s face softened. “I know,” She took my hand. “It’s a lot and it’s scary sometimes, but you deserve this. You deserve a happily ever after with a man who is willing to do what it takes to give it to you,”

I looked down at the floral lace of my dress, blinking away the moisture in my eyes. 

“Maybe you’re right...” I murmured.

“Of course, I am,” She smiled and picked up my bouquet, offering it to me.

Cannon in D began, and the door opened. My veil hid the water in my eyes and the fear on my face. Fears that faded when I saw him at the end of the aisle. He looked just as nervous as I did. It made me smile. It was so like him to be nervous about this. I almost laughed.

I took Harry’s elbow and inhaled deeply.

“You look beautiful,” He murmured.

“Thank you,” I mumbled back as we made our way down the aisle.

Harry placed my hand into Draco’s, and I felt secure. I felt safe and sure of my future. My eyes darted to Scorpius who I had seen grown up the past couple of years. He waved to me and I giggled before turning back to Draco.

There were tears in his eyes as he beamed down at me, our vows exchanged, and rings placed. 

“Don’t you cry,” I scolded quietly. “Because then I’ll start crying,”

“I’ve waited so long for this day,” He defended. “I’m allowed to cry,”

I laughed as my husband leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, sealing our promise to each other.

.

masterlist

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more like this:

beautifully beastly

together in paris

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[solarwonux]

Sangyeon x f!reader

W.C: 6.2k

Warnings: alcohol consumption, suggestive themes, arguing, mentions of cheating

For the 12 Months I Loved You Collab by: @sunlightwoo

Note: um...better late than never right?? This was supposed to go up in February but things happen. It’s one of my favorite ones that I’ve written, but I feel like I say that for every single thing I write lmao. I hope you like it plsssss let me know your thoughts. Thank you.xx

A long exasperated sigh left your lips at the sight of Sangyeon in the corner of the reception hall, chatting up a pretty redhead. His arm draped around their waist, clutching their body close to his, their faces close enough to smell the expensive champagne lingering in their breaths. A palm was placed on his chest as he leaned down to whisper something in their ear. Earning a flirtatious giggle from them, along with a sultry nod.

Their delicate fingers wrapped around his black tie as they pulled him close to whisper something against his plump lips. It was your cue to look away, but something inside of you—maybe the five flutes of champagne you had indulged in when the night was still young, prevented you from looking away.

Gripping the body of your sixth flute you prepared for what was to come, though when he smirked and unraveled their fingers from his tie, you let out a sigh of relief. Sangyeon still hasn’t broken rule number three of your friends with benefits arrangement.

As common courtesy for the other party, under absolutely no circumstance you are to hook up with other people.

Though when he ran his fingers down the side of their arm teasingly making them shiver at the feather-like feeling. One you had relished in for many nights on end, you knew he would not only be breaking rule number three but rule number four as well.

As common courtesy for the other party, under absolutely no circumstances you are to hook up with other people, especially when the other party is in the same room.

The anger flourished inside of you like an unwelcome weed. And you knew green was definitely not your color, but you couldn’t help but feel the jealousy take over, running along your veins like bitter poison. Your grip on your champagne flute got tighter. So much so that if you were destined with superhuman strength you would’ve shattered it into pieces, especially when his knowing eyes met yours. A glint of something sinister sparking behind them while his fingers laced with those of the red head.

He turned away before giving them a shy whisper and then tugged them gently towards the door of the reception hall. Leaving you behind in the middle of his best friend’s wedding reception, on your sixth flute of champagne, while you broke rule number six.

Don’t catch feelings for the other party involved.

To be fair when you and Sangyeon had agreed to the terms and conditions of your new no strings attached relationship. You were positive, even overly confident that you weren’t going to be the one to fall for your brother's asshole friend.

You had known him for years, grew up with him. He always made it his mission to make your life a living hell. Whether it was purple food coloring in your hair conditioner back in middle school (you had an odd mixture of purple and red that had somehow turned a nasty shade of burgundy in your hair for almost a year as you grew it out enough to cut off the damage,) or calling you ugly while simultaneously including all the the synonyms. He had made your life a living hell, he had been the reason for your tears whenever your insecurities took over. And he had been the reason for your newfound jealousy now as you sat on your couch a week after your brother's wedding still replaying the scene back in your head like a bad old timely movie.

It had started when two of you got drunk on Christmas Eve, laughing boisterously at your nonexistent love life’s.

“Who knew the reason we would be bonding is because we haven’t gotten laid in months.” He said, throwing his head back, gulping the remnants of his beer.

”For your information, I got laid last week. But I’m not bringing my one night stand to meet my family.” You rolled your eyes, bumping your shoulder against his.

He sets the beer bottle to his side, before leaning his elbows on his knees and gazing over at you. “How many people asked you where your date was tonight?”

“Too many.” You sigh, running your finger along the condensation of your own beer bottle. The memories of yours and Sangyeon’s family coming up to you asking you the million dollar question still prevalent in your mind. “You?”

“Not as many as I expected but still a lot. I just wish maybe they can back off.” He leaned back, placing his elbows behind him. He tore his eyes from your form and focused them on the night sky. “Maybe I should’ve hired a date or something.” He comments.

Your family's holiday party was still bustling behind the front door of your childhood home. Yet, the thought of ever going back in, earning judgmental looks from your single aunts was keeping you away.

He was right, maybe you should’ve hired someone as a date for the night.

Sangyeon bumped his knee against yours gently, “Want to date for the holiday’s?” The question came off as a joke, his sweet and gentle laugh following it. But as you sat there contemplating the idea, you realized that it wasn’t as bad. He was practically family. Your parents and his parents had been trying for years to set the two of you up. If you were to show up on New Year’s with your arm looped in his, no one would bat an eyelash. In fact you were willing to bet money that your mom and his would start crying pure tears of joy.

“Why not?” You shrug, “Our parents have been planning our wedding since we were kids, and as much as we don’t like each other. In some twisted sense of the word I do trust you.” Sangyeon did a double take, sitting up straighter and leaning in just enough to be in your line of sight.

“Are you sure?” Concern washed over his features. His bottom lip found its way in between his teeth as he waited for your response. “Like, you want to date me for the holiday’s?” He asked pleading for reassurance. Despite the relationship between the two of you not making sense to anyone outside your friendship circle, the level of trust and respect for each other’s boundaries was evident. You two pushed each other, got under each other’s skin, but you also knew when to stop. Which is why this plan was perfect. Foolproof.

“Yes.”

And somehow the two of you agreed that from then until further notice you would be each other’s dates for every holiday in the near future. Yet, if you had known the outcome of it you wouldn’t have agreed, especially not when the thin threshold had been crossed on your birthday.

He had showed up with a cheap bottle of vodka, all the romantic comedies he could find at the gas station and a boyish smile. His lips were on yours after five shots of the drinking game you had invented and you were naked underneath him after seven.

“I’m just saying, adding sex into the mix wouldn’t be such a bad idea.” He proposed with a shrug during a very awkward hang over filled coffee talk at the rundown cafe the next day. “We can even add some rules so it wouldn’t be so weird.”

“Adding rules is the weird part, Sangyeon.” You rolled your eyes before taking a sip of your herbal green tea and then cringing at the taste. “But they would help...you know to keep things from getting messy.”

“Then it’s settled.” He smiled widely grabbing the kids menu you had ordered from and a red crayon, scribbling down messily in his almost indescifrable handwriting:

Holi-date No Strings Attached Rule Book

Can I come over tonight.xx

Your eyes roll to the back of your head in annoyance, upon reading the text from Sangyeon. Of course, he hadn’t contacted you for over a week and the only time he decides to do so is when he’s in need of a good fuck. You throw your phone down on the table, resting your forehead against it. An annoyed sound falling out of your lips.

“Hello there negative nancy,” Kevin says, slipping into the seat in front of you. “I got you your favorite.” He sings, placing the iced matcha green tea latte in front of you and flicking the top of your head to get your attention.

You whine, lifting your head up a pout evident on your lips as you break the seal of the plastic lid with your paper straw. A poor attempt to reduce the consumption of plastic. Changing the straw wouldn’t do anything for the Earth when your whole cup is made out of non-biodegradable plastic. Maybe it’s the effort and the thought that counts, either way you take a sip from your drink, savoring the taste as it coats your tastebuds. Letting the false promise of a full six hour surge of energy run down your throat.

“Thank you for buying today.” You nod.

“It’s the least I can do for helping me with the web design project.” He smiles an award winning smile before bringing his hot mug of black coffee up to his lips. Hissing from the heat and cringing at the taste. Just like how he couldn't phantom how you liked the vibrant green liquid, you couldn’t understand how he drank five cups of black coffee daily. Indeed, he was not human, you concluded that a couple years ago.

You shrug, wrapping your fingers around the cup, “I had time to spare, but don’t get too comfortable with my help. It’s rare that I finish my work early.” You point an accusatory finger at him, furrowing your eyebrows before breaking into a wide smile.

“Ehh,” Kevin shrugs, “we’ll see about that when you’re begging me to buy you one of those nasty vomit colored drinks in a week.” He finishes sending you a wink that usually has all the girls and guys weak in the knees. You on the other hand have been so accustomed to his flirty ways after years of working side by side that it did nothing to you but annoy you slightly, yet in some odd way it comforted you.

Since day one everything between you and Kevin was comfortable and easy. He sat next to you in your digital marketing class Sophomore year of college and the two of you had been inseparable ever since. For a while you harbored a fat silent crush on him, his flirting being a point of confusion for you back then. It wasn’t until you experienced first hand what dating Kevin would be like that your crush dissipated into nothing but a platonic kind of love.

It was awful, the two of you had only gone on two dates. Two very disastrous and nightmare inducing dates, that sent shivers up both of your spines when just the mere thought of it entered the front lobe of your brains. It was then, while attempting to wash out a red wine stain out of your white dress in his and Jacob’s kitchen that you both agreed to just being friends. Eventually leading up to being coworkers as well.

It was a shame, you could always see yourself possibly loving Kevin and it would be easy too. And as much as you’d like to imagine it sometimes, he wouldn’t be able to give you what you wanted and vice versa.

“How’s the boyfriend, trouble in paradise yet?” He raises his eyebrow at you, hitting your calf lightly with the tip of his dress shoe.

You groan, running a hand through your hair, “Sangyeon is not my boyfriend, we just hang out sometimes.”

You quirks an eyebrow, smirking, “That’s what I said about Jacob and I, and look at us now.” He raises his left hand wiggling his ring ringer, letting the gold band catch the light of the setting sun. “Till death do us apart or something like that.” He shrugs, taking another sip from his coffee.

“Yeah but you two are perfect for each other, Sangyeon and I are like water and oil we don’t mix unless, well...you know.”

“Unless the two of you are fucking? Yes I am aware, the horror of me walking in on the two of you last month still keeps me up at night.” He shudders, pushing his half empty mug away from him. A disgusted look on his face.

“Ugh,” you put your head in your hands in utter despair, “I thought we agreed to forget about that and move on.”

“Fine I won’t bring it up again,” He rolls his eyes and sits back, crossing his arms in front of him. “But I know there’s trouble in paradise, does it have to do with what happened at the reception?”

You stare at him with wide eyes. It wasn’t just the events that took place at the reception. It was everything before the reception, during the reception and after the reception. You swore to yourself and him the morning after the two of you first accidentally slept together that you would never fall for him. But as it turns out, you had fallen for him long before that, a moment lost in time. A moment you couldn’t pinpoint but you just knew that what you felt for him was more than platonic. It sucked.

“Maybe,” you shrug, stirring the contents of your drink with your paper straw, distracting you and avoiding Kevin’s look of concern. “Honestly, I’m not sure. He’s just so frustrating. We agreed to have rules to make this whole fucked up situation less of a mess, but he broke two of those rules that night, purposely. I could tell that he was enjoying it.” You let out a defeated sigh and push your drink out of the way, bringing your arms to rest on top of the table, crossing them and hiding your face in them. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact emotion you were feeling, but you just knew it was bad from the way your throat closed up and the tears that were brimming in the corner of your eyes.

Kevin hummed and leaned forward onto the table, ruffling your hair in the process. “And what rule have you broken?” He whispers.

“The one in which I wasn’t supposed to fall for him.” You lift your head, digging your palms into your eyes forcefully. “I didn’t want to, I still don’t want to, but I can’t stop. It’s like he’s casted some kind of love spell on me. Maybe it’s part of his evil plan to destroy me once and for all.” You sigh, grabbing your phone and turning it over. The text sitting there unread, haunting you.

“Don’t answer it.” Kevin covers your screen with his hand. The sadness he held for you is evident behind his soft eyes. “I know you want to but don’t answer it. It’s only going to make you feel worse and frankly I still hate seeing you cry.”

He’s right. Answering him would only make you feel smaller than you already do. You didn’t want to see him, but you longed to have him hold you even if it meant nothing to him. You push Kevin’s hand away, swiping your thumb over the text, hitting reply. You know you should listen to your best friend, but there’s a reason why the two of you would’ve never made it far in a romantic relationship.

You were stubborn and never listened.

8pm, don’t be late. I have to wake up early tomorrow.

Kevin sighs, shaking his head in disappointment, falling back in his chair, scoffing. “Last time, tonight will be the last time and then we break it off.” You say, avoiding his eyes.

“That’s exactly what I said and I ended up having a shotgun wedding.”

Can’t wait, miss you.xx

“My job’s having an event for Valentine’s Day.” Sangyeon broke the silence, his chest still rising rapidly, matching yours. As you came down from your highs.

The second he had walked in through your front door he was pinning you against your poor excuse of a dining room table, without a proper greeting. He barely gave you a second to think before he was peeling your clothes off in a haste and carrying you off to your room.

“And you want me to go with you?” You turn your head to face him. He was laying down on his side, his head resting on his arm, watching you cautiously.

“Mhm,” He puts his arm around your waist and pulls you close. “I need a plus one, I have this annoying coworker that doesn’t leave me alone. I figured if I brought you along they would back off.”

“So I’m not just your date, but also your cockblock?” You tilt your head to the side, raising your eyebrow. “What happens when they find out we aren’t actually dating?” You poke his chest with your index finger. It was smooth and muscular and decorated with the beautiful marks you left behind a few minutes ago.

“They won’t.” He smiled leaving a light kiss against your neck, trailing his lips up and sucking on the spot he knew would have you moaning in seconds. “What do you say?” He bites your earlobe, pulling it before sitting up again.

You sigh and bring your sheets up to your body, sitting up. “I can't, I have plans already.” You lie hugging your knees up to your chest. You wanted to go, pretend once more that you and Sangyeon were more than holiday dates and fuck buddies. But you couldn’t put yourself through that anymore. You were getting used to being by his side, living out a fantasy in your head. When all he wanted was a quick fuck and an easy pass.

“I have a date, Kevin and Jacob’s friend.” You shrug, closing your eyes, mentally apologizing to the couple for dragging them into your problem’s once again. “We’re going out to dinner.” You finish, opening your eyes and looking over at Sangyeon who laid there, messy hair decorating his pillows, stunned. You knew what he was thinking and you were just waiting for him to say it. To get it over with so he’d leave as fast he came in.

He chewed on his bottom lip and then scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Oh, what about rule number seven or whatever.” He quickly got up from your bed, letting the sheets covering his lower half fall down to your carpeted floor.

As common courtesy for the other party, under absolutely no circumstances you are to date other people, until officially calling the deal off.

“Well, I don’t know. I like him. We’ve been talking for a while now and he’s sweet. He likes me.” You shrug, watching as he walks around your room looking for his discarded clothes. “And I haven’t broken the rule, yet. I was hoping we could talk about it and just call this whole thing off once and for all.”

“No but you broke rule number one or something.” He puts on his boxers fast and digs through your scattered clothes on your floor for the rest of his clothes.

You sat there silently watching him, running through your memory files as you recalled the rules and what rule number one consisted of which had nothing to do with what you had done. Or lied about doing.

As common courtesy for the other party, always use protection.

“That’s not what rule number one is, it’s -”

“Whatever, you broke a rule before calling it quits, you were basically cheating on me.” He yells, leaving his white washed jeans unbuttoned as he runs a frustrated hand through his hair. You were floored, witnessing an angry Sangyeon wasn’t rare for you. In fact, growing up you had been the product of many of his angry outbursts while inducing your revenge, but it was never serious. This was different. This felt different. This was serious, he was accusing you of something you didn’t do. He was accusing you of doing the one thing you saw him do at your brother’s wedding reception. It made your blood boil.

“That’s fucking rich coming from you, when you cheated on me first, but I never brought it up because although you fucking did break a rule. We are not together so who am I to get angry at you?” You threw your hands up in the hair, before pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Who are you to get angry with me?”

“And they were a good fucking lay, much better than you in every single aspect.” He spits out, angrily putting on his shirt. His words hurt. He was hitting you where it hurts the most and he wasn’t even aware of it. You held his gaze, refusing to break down in front of him.

“Why not ask them instead, why didn’t you go to them tonight instead of coming here?”

He shrugs, looking around your room, focusing on the polaroid pictures you kept on your mirror. Anything was better than looking at you, and the tears pooling in yours in which he undoubtedly was the cause of. But he was hurt too, you let him come over, you let him in and he had given you everything. Poured out his unwarranted feelings into every kiss he left on your body and every pattern he painted onto your skin with his delicate fingertips, just like he always did whenever the two of you got together. He knew he had broken rule number six a long time ago. Back when the two of you were still in high school, when the rules didn’t exist and his crush on you was nothing compared to what he felt for you now. But he was scared of telling you, and it had gotten him nowhere.

His heart still broke just like he feared, and even worse he had broken yours too.

“Maybe I should, this was a mistake. Being with you in the first place was a mistake and I knew it was going to bite me in the ass one day.”

“Get out, I never want to see you again.”

“With pleasure.” Sangyeon turns around and walks out the door. It wasn’t until you heard your front door slam shut that you finally let yourself cry.

You should’ve listened to Kevin.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Jacob pulls his scarf around his neck. Though, it was February it had snowed last night. The winter clothes that you had slowly started putting away, swiftly made their comeback when you woke up shivering that morning.

You shake your head, stuffing the heart shaped cake you had made for both him and Kevin the day before. Be mine inscribed in sparkly purple store bought icing as per request from Jacob, “It’s Valentine’s Day, you should spend it alone together.” You raise your eyebrows suggestively at the two men in front of you.

Kevin leans forward, one hand on his waist while the other one moves up and flicks your forehead, “get that pretty head of yours out of the gutter, Jacob and I are gonna romantically eat our weight in this beautiful cake you’ve made us, while watching the Bring it On series.”

“I’m trying to get him to realize why the third one is the best.” Jacob says pointedly, bumping his shoulder against his husbands. “Solange Knowles steals the show, but he doesn’t want to admit it.”

Kevin scoffs and turns to face him, “I love you and I love your love for the Knowles family but face it babe the best Bring it On movie is the first one, it sets the precedent for all the other movies.” He finishes painting the picture out with his hands in the air before kissing the others cheek.

You shake your head, silently giving Jacob a knowing look. Of course the third Bring it On was the best one, but you won’t ever say that out loud. At least not with Kevin present, he won’t ever let you live it down. Will go on and on about how both you and Jacob were wrong until he was repeating himself.

“It sounds tempting but I’m going to pass, I have my own date with my couch and heart shaped pizza and -”

“Your vibrator.” Kevin interrupts, raising his eyebrows, smiling smugly at you. The embarrassment taking over your body and rising out of your ears. Jacob rolled his eyes, hitting his husband’s upside the head, and a warning look. Kevin pouted, “What? I’m not wrong, that's what she does every Valentine’s day, I’m just stating the truth.” He complains rubbing the back of his head.

“We’re going to go now.” Jacob places both of his arms on top of Kevin’s shoulders, mouthing a sorry in the process. You brush him off, “the offer still stands, if you get bored you can join us.” He opens the door and pushes his husband through the door frame.

“I’m good, have fun and no Kevin you can’t sleep on my couch after Jacob’s kicked you out again.”

“Wasn’t planning on it, last time, I walked in on you and San -”

Jacob covers his mouth with wide eyes as he continues to push him out of your front door, Kevin shrinks at the realization that he almost slipped. It had been three weeks since you last met him, since he last reached out to you. The only thing you knew of him was that your mom had called you to tell you that he had finally gotten the promotion he had been desiring for almost a year. Doting over him like she always did. It had gotten worse when the two of you showed up hand in hand at New Year’s last year. You were proud of him. You wanted to hug him and celebrate his achievement in every which way you could. But you meant it when you told him that you didn’t want to see him again. You couldn’t trust yourself or your heart when it came to him.

“We love you, call us if you need anything.” Jacob said, sending you a kiss and shutting your front door. You smiled, listening to their bickering out in the hallway, standing there until they were far away and you couldn’t hear them anymore. They were characters, the two of them and even worse when they were together. It was why they were so perfect for one another, they completed one another in every sense of the word and it made you insanely happy, but also sad.

Sometimes you wished, whenever you were alone at night and staring up at your popcorn ceiling that you could have what they had with someone that loved you to the point in which they couldn’t live without you.

It will come, at least that what you told yourself whenever the tears stopped. You just had to be patient.

You were halfway through an episode of the Vampire Diaries, and your fourth slice of pizza when the knocking on your front door sounded. You rolled your eyes, quickly pausing your show and setting down your half eaten pizza slice in the box, before standing up. You obviously weren’t expecting anyone but you figured it was Kevin after getting kicked out again. It was never serious, this game both he and Jacob played. It was some form of twisted foreplay thing they did to keep things interesting. They had explained it to you once when you shared your concern for their relationship. Sometimes you wished you hadn’t asked. You could’ve gone living your life peacefully without knowing the details of their sex life.

“I’m going!” The knocking became more desperate the closer you got to the door, and it confused you. Maybe this wasn’t part of their roleplay fantasies and something had actually happened. It worried you. You could feel it all over your body as you grabbed hold of your doorknob. “Kevin is something wro-” You stopped mid sentence when you swung your door wide open revealing a very drunk and disheveled Sangyeon.

You brought your hand up to your chest, holding onto the necklace his family had given you back in highschool as a graduation present. You never took it off, it brought a sense of comfort whenever you were caught in situations that had your anxiety spiraling out of control. Situations similar to this one.

“What are you doing here?” You step aside to give him room to enter, inviting him in without a shadow of a doubt. You shouldn’t have done that, but the part of you that will always care for him was stronger than the part of you that wanted nothing to do with him.

“We agreed to be together every single holiday season and it’s Valentine’s Day.” He say, his voice slurring slightly at the end, evident that he had consumed more alcohol than what he could handle. “I can’t leave you alone on Valentine’s Day.” He finishes, his voice turning small at the end. He ran a shaking hand through his hair causing it to stand up in different directions as he paced through your living room.

You pressed your hands up to your cheeks, letting the coldness of your palms relieve the heat that had suddenly overtaken your body. “B-But we broke things off, we don’t have to do this anymore.” You drop your hands down and point at him and then at yourself, swallowing the lump that was forming in the back of your throat. “Don’t you have an event at work? What are you doing here?”

Sangyeon looks down, taking his lips in between his teeth, “I didn’t go.” He whispers before raising his head, his eyes welling up with tears as he stuffed his trembling hands into the pocket of his white washed jeans. You swore he didn’t own another pair. “I couldn’t go without you. I-I want to spend Valentine’s Day with you and the rest of upcoming holidays...But I also want to take you out on dates and binge watch shows with you and make love to you and hold you while you sleep. I want to wake up with you in my arms, and kiss you while you’re complaining about morning breath and make you breakfast.” He takes a shuddering deep breath before sitting down on the armrest of your couch, digging his thumb into the palm of his hands. “I just want to be with you forever.” He says, clearing his throat before letting the few tears he had been keeping fall.

“Sangyeon I-” You looked around your living room frantically. Your heart was beating out of your chest. The words that had fallen out of Sanyeon’s lips with ease were the last thing you had expected to ever hear him say. It was everything you had longed to hear him say for almost a year now and you didn’t know how to react. Should you tell him to leave to give you some space to take everything in? Or should you run up to him and kiss with all the love and passion you harbored for him? You were caught at the crossroads. was overwhelming.

Sangyeon scoffed, shaking his head before raising it again, turning his head to focus on your tv, avoiding your eyes. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you don’t feel the same way, I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids and I don’t know when you told me that you were seeing someone. I was so angry at myself for never being able to just confess and hurt that I had been too late.”

The air in your lungs caught itself in the back of your throat. You walked towards him quickly crouching down in front of him, taking his hands in yours. “Sangyeon look at me.” You swallowed, placing two of your fingers underneath his chin and guiding his head to face you, finally locking eyes with you. You felt so weak and full of energy, ready to kiss him until the two of you died from lack of air and you wanted to laugh. “We’re so stupid Sangyeon. This entire time I thought you only wanted me for sex while I slowly fell for you and now you’re telling me that you had the hots for me since we were kids...wow.” You smile, swiping your thumb underneath his eyelids wiping away his falling tears. “I’ve loved for a long time. I don’t know when I started to love you. Just that when I realized it I couldn’t stop.”

“‘I’m sorry.” He hiccups, his fingers wrapping around your wrist. “I’m sorry for what I did at your brother’s reception, but I swear on my grave that nothing happened between us. They were drunk so I called them an uber and walked them to their ride when it arrived.” He confesses, leaning down and circling his arms around your waist, guiding you to stand up.

He rests his forehead against your stomach sighing. “There’s never been anyone else for me other than you. You make me feel so stupid and frustrated sometimes. I know I shouldn’t have said the things I did that night, like you said I had no right to bud into your love life and being angry is no excuse but I was scared of losing you.” He looks up, his bright eyes pleading. “I’m still scared of losing you.”

You sniffle, bringing your hand up to his head, letting your fingers thread through his already messy hair, “I’m sorry too for lying. Clearly I had no plans.” You laugh lightly, pointing around your living room. “I had somehow convinced myself that lying about seeing someone else would be an easier way to end things, but it hurt so much seeing you leave knowing that there was a possibility I would never see you again.”

Sangyeon laughs, his shoulders shaking gently before he leaves a chaste kiss against your clothed stomach. “Honestly, that would be impossible, we’ve been practically married since the minute we entered this world.” He stands up, towering a couple inches over you, “If I hadn’t come tonight our moms would have forced us to talk sooner or later, I just got a little too drunk and beat them to it.” He presses a kiss against your head before pulling you into a tight hug, sighing happily. “I never want to be without you.”

You nod against his chest, “Will you remember this tomorrow?” It was a thought that had been running through your mind since his confession hit you full force knocking the wind out of your body. Though the few times you had a drunk Sangyeon in your presence he remembered every single tiny detail the next day. This was just your fear taking full charge at the thought of him waking up next to you confused, and walking out again.

He hummed, smoothing his hands down your back. “I’ll write everything that happened down and in detail. I’ll even describe the look on your face when I told you that I loved you. Which by the way have I told you that I love you...a lot.” He teased, leaning back and wiggling his brows.

You leave a light kiss on his chin before pulling away, unraveling his arms from your body. “I love you too.” You walked around him and sat on the couch picking up the remote. “Want to join me?” You tilt your head, your thumb hovering over the play button.

Sangyeon pouts slightly, copying your movements and sitting down next to you. “I haven’t asked you to be my official girlfriend yet.”

“Ask me in the morning, I want you to ask me when you’re sober.” You smile, kissing his lips lightly and wrapping your arm around his waist, leaning your head against his chest.

He makes a sound of approval, placing his arm around your shoulder, “Okay but I have another confession before you press play.”

“What is it?” You press your cheek against his chest before looking up at him confused.

“I already watched this episode, Elena and Damon get into a fight.”

“Don’t they always.”

“Yeah but I don’t want to watch it again.”

You shrug and press play, “Unfortunately, you have infiltrated my Valentine’s Day plans so you’re stuck watching.”

“I did it in the name of love.” He groans, shifting and pulling one of your legs over his lap, holding you closer, as the snarky remarks between the two characters start, sounding loudly through the speakers he had helped install when you first moved into your place three years ago. He almost told you he loved you that day, but then you had put an ice cube down his back and his mind instantly started thinking of ways to get his revenge. His confession hiding away again.

But now it was out in the open and finally he could love you the way he knew he could. The way you deserved.

“And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

[austajunk]

Please PLEASE go into detail about how protective he is over Chiaki!! I literally am begging to finally hear someone else actually acknowledge their friendship/relationship especially after having to deal with a pretty toxic anti-bi/pan Nagito rper I was on a server with for a good part of a year! (Sorry went kinda ranty but hopefully my anguish is understandable!)

Oh my lord, you’re giving me a chance to shine with my fixations?! I can’t thank you enough! Now, please understand that this is based on my perception of the series as I’ve played through the second game twice. I’m pretty good when it comes to being the person who has unpopular opinions and ships and I know claiming that Nagito is bi/pan/Demi is probably one of them. But honestly, it comes from the desire to see this boy get as much love as possible. Because he sure needs it.

Ultimately, Nagito’s sexuality is never canonly specified, so I think whether gay, bisexual, Pansexual, or what have you, we’re all well within our rights to just have fun and see what we want to in a really flawed and relatable character. And that’s what makes it interesting.

That being said, let’s talk about Nagito and Chiaki. Friendship or romantic, I don’t think you can deny that Chiaki is at least special to Nagito in some way.

Upon replaying the second game, I’ve realized how protective Nagito actually is towards Chiaki interestingly enough.

In chapter 2, she leaves to go question Fuyuhiko but Nagito stops her and tells her not to let Fuyuhiko get rough with her. Every time Chiaki’s skills help them advance, he deeply praises her. Even after he’s stopped praising all the others (which he does mostly after Chapter one, hinting he does not like some of them as actual people). But for some reason, especially during the trials, Nagito is quick to jump in and mention how wonderful Chiaki is and compliment her (only to be usually cut off by someone when he starts to ramble).

It should also be noted that Chiaki and Nagito both share an appreciation for games. Nagito seems to like more luck-based games for obvious reasons, but he also mentions that like Chiaki, he likes the Twilight Syndrome series. Both of them similarly state that they felt Monokuma was butchering a favorite game of theirs.

They also both have an odd way of trying to cheer Hajime up and joke with him, the examples shown coincidentally beside one another. Chiaki says she’s gonna look for a dirty book, throwing Hajime off and Nagito “jokingly” tells Hajime to lick his boots and now to him, but Hajime is extremely put off when he claims it was a joke. These oddballs get each other in the weirdest of ways is what I’m saying. They’re both incredibly antisocial, but their hearts are reaching the same place too when they try to make an effort.

In chapter 4, when Chiaki teams up with Nagito and Kazuichi, then leaves because they’re both being clingy, Nagito quickly follows and chases after her to make sure she’s okay. Then he chastised her for running off, looking deeply concerned. Even after his attitude change, he will answer her more directly and not ignore her. When she tells him to be quiet, he politely obeys... or maybe it’s because he’s deep in thought about her motives as he mentions he was watching the trial carefully to decide on who the traitor is.

I may just be mentioning this because they’re my OTP, but if you know about their school time together and pay attention to Nagito’s Hope versus Chiaki’s Hope, I think it’s fascinating.

Okay, now let’s head into Danganronpa 3 territory. Now this is the part where I am the most shaky as I’m still trying to determine what I take canon from this series. The thing is, a friend who got me into the series informed me that the production was way rushed and that Kodaka never wanted to do the anime in the first place. But! That being said, Chiaki and Nagito have some great moments in this and the anthology comics along with it, so let’s get into some stuff.

First of all, Nagito warmly mentions that Chiaki being their class rep makes her the true Hope of their class. And you can tell he’s serious because as he’s saying it, he’s doing that thing where he’s staring at his hand desperately like he wants eat it. You know the look.

Moving on, it’s clear that aside from Chisa, Chiaki is the only one to value and treasure Nagito. And this makes sense. In her own dying words, she loves her classmates. They are the world to her. All of them. And of course, she loves Nagito too with all her heart. As evidenced as she cradled him protectively in her arms while he’s injured. At first when Chiaki and the others are determined to stand up to Junko and get their teacher back, Nagito pleads with Chiaki not to. That his luck could not overcome them. He knows they can’t win in this situation and I do think he was actually trying to talk Chiaki out of it. But of course, when Chiaki pushes back and says she wants to go anyways, he literally can’t help himself when it comes to wanting to see Hope shine. So he agrees and praises her again because of course he does.

Until it all leads to the Pain Train with Despair coming out on top. Chiaki is brutally slaughtered and we see something new from Nagito. He breaks down crying. Tears are streaming madly down his face as a forced and twisted smile appears on his lips. He even beseeches Chiaki’s name. “You understand right? You know you’re a stepping stone for Hope!” “What has been done to Nanami is unforgivable...” Nagito’s already trying to cope. To rationalize something horrible that he just witnessed in his mind. He’s trying to protect himself as he’s utterly being destroyed and breaking down like all of his classmates. Chiaki’s death literally shatters his mind. It’s a pretty well done scene even if I’m not a big fan of the brainwashing stuff. Not to mention, the way he says “You understand right, Nanami?” As if he’s begging for her forgiveness as he falls apart. It’s so very very tragic. And of course, when being made apart of the Neo World Program, his desire to see Chiaki once more, just one more time like his classmates, brings her back to him(and the other classmates) in AI form.

Honestly... it’s pretty beautiful. Chiaki is apart of Nagito in some way and is imprinted into his mind and heart. He longed to see her as much as everyone else. This person, who doesn’t seek out relationships because his luck either gets them killed or he finds their Hope to be too weak, has a connection with Chiaki like that. This is literally a person who believes his life is just a stepping stone for better and more worthy people, someone who knows their existence is a formality at this point. And still, he does have connections. There are people capable of caring about him and loving him and Chiaki was one of those people. And he wanted to see her again in the Neo World Program. Like Chiaki said, it’s no less than miracle.

But alas, this is getting rather long, isn’t it? Well in the D3 anthology, Nagito also is concerned when Chiaki avoids eating because of her hyperfixation on gaming. Chiaki skipping out on self care?! Not cool, Chiaki. And so he challenges her to a game to make sure she’ll eat lunch. Fucking protective as hell. And yes yes, the anthology isn’t canon... but that’s the thing about Danganronpa. The series is over. Any additional info and stuff added to it is meant to enrich the experience for the fandom, so it’s canon to me. What’s the fandom gonna do? Whine at me and tell me it isn’t? That Nagito wouldn’t do these things when official anthologies and content that’s sold for Danganronpa tells me he would? So... yeah.

Ultimately, whether you ship them or not, I think this fandom is missing out on the Komanami side of things and how good their relationship is when you really observe it. :3