#i’ve been in a very pure bubble of My Own Opinions for the past few weeks

[starbuck]

so. I watched Better Call Saul.

[demonslayedher]

Kanao: Did Tanjiro Give Her A Weakness?

Kanao already reached the Tsuchinoto rank (5th of 10) within about 1.5 months* of passing the Final Selection but then only progressed to Hinoto (7th of 10) over the following 10 months or so.* Why the slow-down? I've got a handful of possible ideas but no indication of if any of them would be true. *(According to my timeline estimates.)

In the extra chapter in Volume 7 about all the suffering in Kanao's past, Kanao snaps. All of a sudden, she stops feeling anything. She doesn't think for herself at all, only doing things as she's told.

According to the Taisho Secret at the end of Chapter 163, Kanao learned Flower Breathing by observation, though neither Kanae or Shinobu approved of this. She entered the Final Selection without permission. Although, as Tanjiro puts it, the voice of Kanao's heart is very small, Kanao had a growing sense that she couldn't forgive demons for how they orphaned her housemates and took Shinobu's parents, sister, and Tsuguko from her. Straight from Word of God-touge, fighting demons is Kanao's will. However, Shinobu at first worries that it's not really something Kanao felt that deeply about, and admonishes her simply to not falter or overthink things, and just cut off demon's heads. I suspect she declared Kanao her Tsuguko immediately as a means of keeping an eye on her, and that she had to enforce a professional distance that she otherwise never would had wanted to impose on Kanao. I suspect that Kanao did not only observe Kanae; Shinobu may very well have had other Flower Breath users among her Tsuguko. We don't know how involved the Tsuguko were in the Butterfly Mansion household; I suspect there was a bit of professional emotional distance, seeing as how Kanao goes from referring to Shinobu as her sister to referring to her as her master. None of the other Butterfly Mansion girls ever use such close terms of endearment to Shinobu. Although Kanao did enter the Corp of her own accord (feeling nothing, except perhaps "demons are bad, I should get rid of them"), she still is in a pretty broken, unfeeling state. When she's not on missions or training, she's content to sit somewhere and stare off into the sun (Kanao, your eyes, take care of your precious eyes!!). And since she doesn't need to think about anything besides cutting off demon heads, and she doesn't mind any fear or suffering, she probably goes about her missions in a manner similar to how Muichiro did in that whirlwind two-month journey to becoming a Pillar. The "I don't care (but actually I just hate you)" method of demon slaying, apparently pretty effective. While we don't know how the rate of climbing the ranks is calculated, I suspect that Flower Breathing stresses evasion (see here and here), so Kanao likely doesn’t spend at much time down with injury, and therefore she took a lot more missions. And, being in a Pillar’s household, she might have had a Nichirin blade she could use right away to start taking missions while hers was being made, giving her at least a 10-day leg up on the others in her Final Selection batch. Likewise, being in the company of a Pillar, she’s probably gone straight into fighting higher level demons. And who knows? Maybe being declared a Tsuguko also adds to rank? But then Tanjiro turns her world upside-down at the flip of a coin, like how Shinobu throwing coins around a bridge changed her life years before. And, little by little, the voice of Kanao's heart starts growing stronger. While before Kanao was happy to simply stare off at the sun, Fanbook #1 tells us she's started looking at the world around her afresh. Bubbles!! Blowing bubbles is her new hobby. And she might not be good at treating injuries, but she goes on errands now for the Butterfly Mansion and likes bringing back candy and other small gifts for everyone. Look, it's even fun to poke the paw pads on cats! Beans! (Seeing as Shinobu doesn't like furry creatures (yet somehow puts up with Inosuke), Kanao probably only interacts with cats on her errands, and I'll bet Shinobu and Aoi both stay on pins and needles wondering what's taking her so long out there on her own). Kanao's even started to try helping with cooking! In one of the light novels, we see her go to Aoi for help, asking her to teach her new recipes. And, a few months into this bright new outlook on the world where she actually takes and interest in things and forms her own opinions, the Uzui Incident happens, and Kanao, at least by Kanao's standards, flamboyantly stands up to him. It was a terrifyingly bigger and more complicated decision than she's ever faced in battle. So here's a question:

Can a Corp member be

punished for anything by being downgraded a rank? Was there any repercussion to interfering with a Pillar's demon slaying mission? That might explain some of the sudden slow-down in Kanao's dramatic rate of promotion. What might also be possible is that a different Pillar, Shinobu, was concerned about the speed with which she advanced, especially seeing how emotionally stunted Muichiro was despite his skills, and how he wound up in more and more dangerous situations because of his rank. Even if Shinobu recognizes (perhaps with some surprise) that Kanao is innately talented, she's no genius, and she can't simply survive by cutting off heads as she climbs the ranks. Shinobu perhaps puts her foot down against Kanao's advancement to make sure there is time to focus on other aspects Kanao needs to mature in, and Oyakata-sama would probably be pretty understanding of that. This sort of request may be allowed purely because of the nature of the Hashira-Tsuguko relationship, regardless of the reason, who knows. But what it also might be is that as Kanao starts feeling things, she starts feeling all the things. Whereas before she might never had cared enough to be affected by fear or pain or sadness or weariness, just as she's seeing the simple tiny pleasures of life with fresh eyes, perhaps she's lost the natural armor she had against these other feelings. And, given the reasons why she snapped in the first place, it may be an especially confusing process for her to have to deal with these negative feelings in a healthier way. That's got to have a negative impact on her effectiveness in battle, and if it ever breaks her focus (though I don't see any evidence of this ever happening), it could be something that leads to injuries, which would decrease her number of missions (but, given her mastery of Breath technique and Functional Recovery Training, she's probably quick to recover). Even if Kanao doesn't get to the point of having breakdowns, people like Shinobu and Oyakata-sama would be keen enough of her development as a person that they might slow down how often she's assigned missions, as she requires that time to work at her new interests and becoming a more whole person. They've probably been watching over her without her even being aware of it, and as Shinobu perhaps devotes more and more time to her research, Kanao supposes that's the reason for her own slow-down in missions. If Master is busy, then the Tsuguko should merely help out and keep training. And it's not as if Kanao enjoys slaying demons; she's probably happily distracted with all these new things she finds she enjoys. She's probably never cared about promotion anyway. But, would Kanao have blown through the ranks if Tanjiro hadn't unwittingly derailed her so dramatically?

As an aside, the aforementioned Taisho Secret also states that Kanao joined the Corp because unlike Aoi, she wasn't good at treating injuries. Yet in the extended epilogue comic in Fanbook #2 Tanjiro says she's a fantastic doctor??? Hmm???? When?? How????? Can she see well enough to administer medicine safely?? Umm? Aoi? Please supervise her???? No offense, Kanao, but--where---did--this--come--from???????

[little-diable]

Coffeeshop - Spencer Reid (smut)

I don’t like writing fluff, but I truly love this imagine. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Spencer can’t help but fall for the owner of his favorite coffeeshop 

Warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex, choking, dom!Spencer

Pairing: Spencer Reidxfem!reader (roughly 2.4k words)

The sweet scent filled Spencer with comfort, his eyes fell shut for just a second, welcoming the familiar sensation. By now it was part of his daily routine, he’d visit the shop after a tiring day at the BAU, desperate for another cup of sweet coffee and finally some silence to read his new book at peace.

No matter how many people would visit the shop throughout the day the scent of her perfume would still linger in the air as he’d step inside, way past after midnight. Deep down it felt as if he was coming home, stepping into his apartment, a place where he could truly be himself without worrying about other people and their opinions. She made him feel safe, accepted.

He had met the owner of the shop 47 days ago, it had been cold outside, way too cold for his linking, leaving Spencer shivering and bothered, searching for a drink to warm himself up. 

(Y/n)’s cafe had been within reach, welcoming him in as the snow danced in the air. Forever he would remember the smile she had worn on her lips, the twinkling of her (y/e/c) eyes as he stumbled upon his words, distracted by her beauty.

“A-a black coffee, with,” another deep breath spilled from his chapped lips, gaze switching between hers and his trembling hands, she wouldn’t need to be a profiler to tell that he was nervous, “with a lot of sugar, please.” 

A lot? Spencer cursed himself for giving her such a vague order, though the second he tasted the coffee he was sure that she was the one. Nobody had ever managed to prepare such a delicious coffee.

“Hey, I’m sorry, but I’m closing.” Her soft voice rang in his ears, his heart pounded in his ribcage, “of course, I’m sorry.” Spencer packed his bag, jaw clenched, he wanted to ask for her name, for her number, already imagining their first date. 

He had always been impatient, way too impatient for his own good. “I’m (y/n).” As if she could read his thoughts she had mumbled her name, reaching her hand out for him to take.

His mind screamed for him to take a step back, calculating the amount of germs on her hand, overthinking the small gesture. Though his heart encouraged him to take her hand, to feel her soft, warm skin against his. Her scent would stick to him for days. 

“Spencer,” his hand tingled, he never wanted to let go of her, wanted to pull her down besides him, talking all through the night, getting to know the calm, sweet girl.

That night had been the beginning of a wonderful routine, by now she’d wait for him, even way past her closing time. Patiently she’d prepare his coffee as he would enter the shop, looking as exhausted as ever. (Y/n) would pull him in for a hug, still not knowing anything about his fear of germs, she’d sit down next to him, with her own cup of coffee and a book she was currently reading.

There were nights where they’d barely share a word, basking in each other's company, there was no need for words, no need for mindless smalltalk, they just needed each other. But there were nights where Spencer would ramble about facts and statistics, wooing her without even noticing, too oblivious to notice her burning cheeks, the way she’d fiddle with her book, hands trembling from the rapid beating of her heart.

“Here you go, sugar with a few drops of coffee,” his laughter reverberated through the empty shop, her fingers brushed along his, tightly grasping the hot cup. It had been a tiring case, forcing Spencer to follow the team to another city, hundreds of miles away from (y/n) and their small bubble of happiness. 

“I’ve missed you.” She nudged his side with her shoulder, shuffling closer to the tall, awkward man. “I’m sorry, it took longer than expected to find the unsub.” Last week he had finally told her about his profession. Instantly (y/n) had been hooked, asking one question after another, excited to hear more about Spencer Reid’s job at the FBI.

“I can’t give you any details.” His voice trembled, growing more quiet with every passing moment, scared that he’d share any classified information. “Don’t worry about it, tell me about your team.” 

She had her knees bent, arms slung around them, pressing her thighs closer against her chest. (Y/n) found herself getting lost in his eyes, she had fallen for him from the first day on, there had been something about Spencer that had lured her in, leaving her breathless as she’d think about him.

“You’re not even listening.” Spencer chuckled, taking another sip off his coffee, wondering if he was boring her with his stories and details, he had never been an expert in talking to women, especially those who were as gorgeous as (y/n).

“Here,” (y/n) pressed a small piece of paper into his palm, she had scribbled her phone number onto it days ago, “if you want to, we could meet up outside of here.” She didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, though she couldn’t stop thinking about him, she needed to be selfish every now and then, taking her chances with the handsome man.

Before Spencer could stop himself a few words stumbled out of him, “we could go on a date now? If you’re not too tired.” A date? He wanted to row back, sure that he had just embarrassed himself, messing up his only chance of being with a woman that perfect. “Are you hungry? I could cook something for us?” She rose from her seat, “Give me a few minutes.”

No words left him as he watched her, his mind was working on overdrive, calculating all the different outcomes of this very evening. He felt excited, though strangely calm, as if they had been on numerous dates before, nothing to worry about. “Ready?” (Y/n) took his hand, fingers interlaced, welcoming the warm sensation, skin littered with goosebumps.

The chilly december air engulfed them, instinctively he pulled her closer, smiling down at the woman he had dreamt about for the past nights. He could only focus on her scent, the sweet perfume that had stuck to him from the first day on. Spencer tried to keep quiet, knowing that as soon as he’d part his lips random facts and statistics would leave him, showering her with confusing information.

“Here we are,” she pulled him into her apartment, giving Spencer some space to explore her four walls, studying every little detail, engraving it into his memory. “Dr. who?” He pointed towards a small mug she had left on her table, long forgotten from a hectic morning, “mhm, I’m quite the fan.”

He was sure that he’d never love somebody as much as he loved her.

Spencer could only smile at her, following (y/n) into her small kitchen. “You up for some pasta?” She didn’t feel his intense gaze on her, didn’t notice how his eyes wandered up and down her frame, body screaming to tug her close, to finally kiss her like he had done too many times to count in his dreams. “Spencer?” Her voice ripped him out of his trance, cheeks blushing as he mumbled a small “yes”, helping (y/n) with the ingredients.

Soft music was filling the apartment, they bumped into one another every now and then, bodies tingling in excitement. She couldn’t force her eyes off him, she had been waiting for this moment for way too long, couldn’t back down now. Wordlessly she pulled him closer, small of her back pressed against her kitchen island, arms finding their way around his neck, fingers toying with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

His breath hitched in his chest, hands firmly placed on her hips, not giving her a chance to move away from him. There never had been a moment before where his mind would shut down, but now complete silence echoed in his head, no worries, no numbers clouding his thoughts, just the pure imagination of her.

Both moved at the same time, lips meeting halfway. All those cliché, romantic novels finally made sense to Spencer. He had never understood the metaphor of “fireworks going off in the distance” but now, with his lips moving in sync with (y/n)’s he could feel all the fireworks, could almost smell the smoke, could almost hear the explosions in the dark sky as their bodies melted together.

(Y/n) clung to him, a squeal bubbled out of her as he picked her up and placed her on top of the island, legs wrapped around his waist. The kiss grew more heated, more passionate, emotions got shared, feelings both didn’t find the proper words to. Spencer gave her a few seconds to catch her breath, lips exploring her throat, hands disappearing underneath her shirt, tracing her soft skin.

“Bedroom,” her hoarse voice left his length twitching, uncomfortably pressed against the zipper of his trousers, “What about the pasta?” Her laugh rumbled through him, having an addicting effect to it, chuckles bubbled out of him, forehead falling against hers. “Fuck the pasta.”

Seconds later they found themselves in her dark bedroom, bodies pressed against one another, skin heating up with every shared kiss. “Let me touch you, please.” Spencer toyed with the buttons of her jeans, waiting for (y/n) to give him any sign, any reassurance that she truly wanted this. “Do it Spencer, touch me.”

The nervous feeling seemed to let go of him, encouraging him to go on. His hands hastily undressed her, ripping the layers of clothes off her body, eyes fixated on her dripping core, the pulsing clit that ached for his touch. 

“Tell me, if I hurt you,” She couldn’t reply, mouth ripped open by a powerful moan, he had his lips wrapped around her clit, sucking her skin dry, cleaning her arousal off her. Needy whimpers filled the room, she was sure that she’d cum way too soon, though she couldn’t overthink her movements, mind tracing back to his touch.

His loose curls ticked her inner thighs, he had his mesmerizing eyes closed, indulging in her taste. His tongue brushed through her folds, filling her body with a new found confidence, fingers tangled in his dark hair, guiding him through the dark. “Fuck, you’re so good at this.” Her pants spurred him on, thumb adding more pressure to her clit, teasing the pulsing bundle of nerves.

“I got you love, cum for me.” She arched her back off the bed, moaning his name as a powerful wave of lust, of adrenaline and love crashed upon her, pulling her underwater, letting her drown in Spencer and his touch. 

“You’re so beautiful,” He tried to ignore his rock hard bulge, wanting to pleasure her with everything he had, selfless as always. “Spencer,” his name rolled off her tongue, followed by a deep exhaled, “fuck me.”

He studied her for a moment, profiling the panting girl, though the hungry look in her eyes gave him the final push, roughly pinning her back down onto the mattress. “You feel that?” Spencer ground his bulge against her naked folds, arousal staining his trousers, “This is what you do to me.”

A rough kiss was shared between them, he let go of her, giving her trembling hands the opportunity to undress him. She traced along his chest, down to his throbbing bulge, pumping him a few times before he slapped her hand away. “Condom?” (Y/n) connected their lips once again, “I’m on the pill, I trust you.” An animalistic growl slipped out of him, hand finding her throat, squeezing just enough to make her eyes roll back into her head.

“You’re mine (y/n), I hope you know that.” With one forceful thrust he ripped her open, walls painfully trying to adjust to his length, fluttering around him. She felt tight, tighter than any woman he had ever been with. 

Like a drug she forced herself into his system, leaving him hungry for more, Spencer was sure that he’d never be able to let go of her, to forget about her, he didn’t need to have an eidetic memory to remember all of (y/n).

His hips met hers with every bruising thrust of him, hand leaving marks on her throat, a souvenir for lonely nights. “Tell me how it feels, tell me (y/n).” With her eyes squeezed shut, with her fingernails pierced into his shoulders she whispered a small “so good”, not able to say anything else. Her lungs were burning, just as her walls, struggling to keep going with his rough ways.

It- he felt too good to be true, everything Spencer did left her hungry for more, obsessed with the pain that flooded through her veins. Small, satisfying grunts left him, “I’m so close.” She could feel her orgasm slowly creeping closer, leaving her sobbing and moaning, more powerful than any orgasm had ever been. “Touch yourself, love.” His gaze followed her hands, thumb rubbing her clit, in sync with the speed of his ferocious thrusts.

“Scream my name,” his breath crashed against her lips, his speed began to falter, he’d follow her down the edge, would release himself into her heat any moment now. “Oh fuck Spencer,” her body shook, mind hazy from the lust that left her breathless. Her bed moved with his thrusts, crashing against the wall as he gave it one last push, heat filling her, prolonging her orgasm.

“I’m really glad you came into my shop that day,” she turned towards him, giggling as Spencer pulled (y/n) into his sweaty chest, arms wrapped around her, “me too, I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Tagging people that might be interested: @negans-lucille-reads​ @savior-adriana​ @honiebee​ @uchihasteph​ @playboysbunny​ @bwbatta​ @writethelifeyouwant @miraclesoflove​ @shrekboobies​ @jensenackles512​ @trickassmotherfucker​

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[vermin-disciple]

For the random scenes - ask me to stay?

(Random Scenes Ask Meme)

This is one of the backstory scenes I wrote early on for the This Be The Verse universe (although it doesn't really need that context - it's basically an AU take on the final Garak/Bashir scene in the finale). It's one I've just never been that satisfied with. I did end up cannibalizing parts of it for one the Interludes in Tell Me You See Me (with a change in POV), and I may end up using other parts of it in something else (so it will probably end up thoroughly dismembered by the time I'm through). But here is the original version.

***

Julian remembered his last conversation with Palis, and the guilty little bubble of relief swelling in the back of his mind when he’d ended things. He’d always known that he couldn’t stay on Earth sitting behind an oversized desk anticipating the medical needs of visiting dignitaries and treating the occasional bout of indigestion. But there was more to it than that. There were the lies between them, the fact that he wasn’t the man she thought he was, and his certainty that she would never have loved him at all had she known the truth. He never even gave her the option of coming with him. The thought of her accompanying him to some starship or starbase, following him from posting to posting while he calculated just how many accomplishments he could get away with, was too utterly incongruous to contemplate. And she, well—she didn’t suggest it either, did she? Maybe a part of her was just as relieved as he was to end it.

He searched his psyche for that same sense of relief now, and found something else churning just beneath the surface of that bone-deep, hollow despair: anger. Because of course, of course, Garak wouldn’t even contemplate the idea of asking Julian to come with him. When it came right down to it, he hadn’t asked Palis to come with him because he didn’t want her there. On some subconscious level he had known that their feelings for each other were shallow, and the hurt of leaving her could never be more than skin-deep. The relief covered it over like a bandage, and he’d hardly thought of her in those first months on DS9. Until this moment, he hadn’t thought of her in years.

If he thought that Garak’s reasons were the same as his had been seven years ago, then maybe he could just go back to DS9 and let the cycle of sadness and loss run its course, piecing his heart back together so he could present it to someone else, maybe someone less maddening and broken and morally questionable.

But he knew Garak too well to dismiss his feelings as shallow. Garak feared sentiment because he felt it so deeply that it was beyond his ability to control.

It wasn’t even some misguided appreciation for the importance of Julian’s career. He didn’t think that much of Starfleet, or of Julian’s ambitions.

No, he was going to give Julian up without even trying to discuss their options, because in his mind this was some sort of symbolic final sacrifice to the great alter of Cardassia, just like in some depressing Cardassian epic. What kind of dutiful Cardassian hero were you, after all, if you hadn’t sent the love of your life away to prove your devotion to the State? Julian wanted nothing more than to grab him and shake him and shout at him, remind him that his whole goddamn life of self-sacrifice had not saved Cardassia, and force him to admit that rejecting every opportunity of personal happiness wasn’t going to help rebuild her.

Julian had always known that he would never outrank Cardassia in Garak’s heart, but if he could accept that, then frankly, Cardassia was going to have to learn to share.

“You’re going to need doctors.”

Garak froze. After a moment he turned around, examining Julian with narrowed eyes. “Undoubtedly.”

“You’re going to need more doctors than the Cardassian Union has left. You’re going to need to accept aid.”

“True. I’m sure the Federation will be happy to step in. Out of pure altruism and magnanimity, of course.”

“I’m not saying there isn’t any strategy to it. We’ve done very well for ourselves turning enemies into allies. Just look at what happened with the Klingons, after Praxis.”

This show of cynicism had the desired effect. Garak took a few steps closer to him. “You’re right of course, Doctor. In the decades to come, our civilizations may yet be friends. But this situation differs from the Klingons’ unhappy catastrophe in several respects. Cardassia isn’t the only world to suffer devastation. The Federation has also suffered in this war, and they will have to allocate their resources accordingly. They will have to temper their generosity. After all, Betazed is also in need of doctors.”

“Any Federation doctor can work on Betazed. Or Ricktor Prime or Tyra or any other Federation planet. But there’s a limited number of us who have any experience treating Cardassians.”

“Doctor,” said Garak, and there was a warning note in his tone, and a hesitation. “Julian—”

“For god’s sake, Elim! Do you want me to come to Cardassia with you or not?”

“Please think about what you’re doing,” said Garak, in a soft voice, the hint of warning replaced by something else, something that made Julian’s heart ache. “I don’t know if you can truly understand loss on this magnitude. I know that it hasn’t occurred to you that you might add to it, but let me assure you, that is exactly what you are proposing.” He held up a hand to stop Julian’s protest. “Listen to me, my dear Doctor. Back when I used to consider you entirely off-limits, I used to imagine what it would be like to bring you to Cardassia - to tour the museums of Lakarian City, or the Institute of Art, with my arm linked in yours. Take you to a little restaurant in Lakat that I think would make you reconsider your opinion on sem'hal stew. Listen to you scoff at all the monuments to colonial excess in the Imperial Plaza. It was a very idle fantasy, you understand. Or so I told myself, at the time. It was far too intoxicating an idea to take seriously. Being welcomed back to my home with open arms, all my sins forgiven, and you at my side - your body and mind at my disposal. Your love, if I was feeling especially maudlin. Not just for me, but for my world. I would have liked nothing better than for you to see her the way I did. And now…” he sighed. “And now, Doctor, tell me what it is you’re offering, exactly? You will volunteer your considerable skills to help my people. I certainly don’t doubt your intentions - compassion is second nature to you. I know that asking you to turn your back on them is pure selfishness on my part. But I don’t know if I can cope with it. How long would we have? A few months? A year? How long before Starfleet realizes that it has better uses for your talents? And where would that leave me? I know that in the midst of this destruction I will be haunted by memories of the past, visions of things as they used to be, faces of the dead. Don’t ask me to see your face there as well.”

Julian digested all this in silence. “And what if I stayed? Is that what you want?”

“What I want is not, and never has been relevant.”

“I think you actually believe that.”

“I’ve told you before, my dear, that I believe all my lies. But I know better than to believe yours. You are not going to resign from Starfleet, leave all your friends behind, and give up the protections of the Federation so that you can come live in the ruins of an enemy planet. With me. Not even you are that impetuous.”

“I’m not being impetuous,” he said. He paused, trying to form his reverberating, tumultuous thoughts into something that Garak would understand, and accept. “I’m smarter than you, you know. And that’s not arrogance, it’s just a fact. I’m smarter than most people. My parents made sure of that. But you’ve been spinning me around in circles since the day we met. You make me question everything I know and re-examine everything I believe. I can’t just wave my ideals and principles around like a flag, I have to argue for them - they have to hold up to scrutiny. I like the way you provoke me, even if sometimes you push too far. But when I get you to concede a point, I spend the rest of the day glowing. And sometimes, more than anything, I wish that you would let me comfort you, because I think you need it more than you’ll ever admit. You might be the most frustrating person I’ve ever met, and you drive me completely crazy. But I think I would rather be driven crazy by you than stay sane with anyone else. And frankly, you are being selfish - I can do more good here than I can anywhere else, and I think I’m going to, whatever you say. Avoid me, if you can’t bring yourself to trust me - it’s a big planet. I know you think that I don’t know what I’m getting myself into. You’re probably right. When I came to DS9 I was naive enough and insensitive enough to see Bajor’s woes as my grand adventure. But I’m not that person anymore - at least, I hope I’m not. I know this is going to be nothing short of hell. And—” Julian swallowed, and reached out a hand to cup Garak’s cheek. “And how can I say that I love you, and leave you to face that alone?”

Garak exhaled slowly, as if he’d been holding his breath. He leaned into Julian’s hand and covered it with his own. Then he chuckled, almost to himself. “This may surprise you, but I don’t have any idea what to say.”

“That must be very disconcerting for you,” said Julian. “Say that you want me to stay with you. Say that you want me to help you rebuild Cardassia. Say that you love me.”

Garak wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed him. “I want you, in every conceivable way. Stay with me, and help me rebuild my home. I love you more than I have ever allowed myself to love anyone.” His smile shifted into something more mischievous as he leaned in again and lowered his voice, speaking directly into Julian’s ear. “And I would very happily ask you to take me hard against that console, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay quiet enough to avoid detection.”

Julian laughed, a little helplessly, wondering at the humanoid capacity for inappropriate humor in the face of tragedy, to reach for love amidst unspeakable horrors, and to find hope when nothing else was left. For a moment, they clung to each other as if the world might fall apart when they let go. But it didn’t, and it wouldn’t, and there were still many things left to do before they could take another step.

[shreddedparchment]

Pseudo Princess Pt.24

A Stressful Morning

02/03/2020

Pairing: King!Steve x Reader          Word Count: 5,127

Warnings: fluff, smidge of angst, lots of sweet Steve

A/N: So I had planned on making this chapter super long. Like probably 10k words but rather than have you all wait longer for more, I decided to just post what I had ready to go since it was at a good stopping point too. I hope you like it! If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! Reblogs are SO appreciated. xoxo

“Are you alright?” Nat’s gentle touch is reassuring.

“I’m nervous.” You confess, holding your arms out as Nat pulls over your shoulders a warm linen nightdress.

There is a thick sash that wraps around your waist several times before she ties it off with a bow at the back, a large slit down the middle for the ease of the doctor’s inspection.

The fabric is heavy. For good reason.

Outside the blizzard that had begun to freeze you by the small shack full of Steve’s past had hit harder over the night and you’d awoken snug in Steve’s arms with the strong wailing of the winter storm making the ancient stones of the cottage quake.

You and Steve had only a few moments alone—eager to reassure you that he’s capable of making love to you, his hands had traced down the length of your leg until he could flip your nightdress up and trail tickling fingers up until he gently coaxed your legs apart to feel for his prize—before a gentle knock interrupted your good morning.

It had been Bucky and Nat, whispering in tense tones, cutting your good time short because something much more pressing had come up.

“Who will be there?” You swallow the lump in your throat and then reach down to rub the small swell of your stomach.

Your little one is still so tiny. So fragile. What if they hurt him?

“It will be the doctor, Lord Ross and Lord Pierce.” Nat leans down, sweeping her crimson and silver threaded skirts back as she takes hold of your left calf to lift your leg and slip on your foot a simple satin slipper.

“There will be men in the room?” You gasp, staring with wide eyes as your heart begins to pound.

“You’ll be behind a screen, dear one.” She slips on your second slipper then stands up, fixing her skirts before she takes hold of your arms and gives them a reassuring squeeze.

“And Steve will be there, with you. And I, to make sure that they respect your dignity as a woman and Queen of Broklin.”

The way Nat says it, the truth of you having a right to your dignity as ruler of the kingdom…the respect that the title should command. A reverence that you’ve never had before.

Can I possibly do this? Is this my life?

“Nat…” You nearly whine, but really your nerves are frayed. You’re absolutely on edge. “What…what if Grandmother was wrong? What if I’m not really pregnant? What will they do to Steve if I’m not as I should be? We have so little time left!”

Nat chuckles sympathetically with you, reaching to pull you into her arms. She strokes the back of your head gently.

“Shh, oh Y/N. Don’t worry. You are most definitely pregnant. And they will know that as soon as they see you.” Nat pulls back, cradling the sides of your belly. “Look at you.”

You’re not sure what she’s seeing, but the look of fondness in her emerald eyes soothes your worry if only a smidge.

“You are a vision. Glowing with life. And I have never seen Steve so smitten. Even with Margaret.” She smiles and you halfway manage to return it.

“Because I’m pregnant?” You wonder.

“Because you’ve embraced it so readily. So happily. Margaret wanted to wait. Steve…would have done anything to make her happy. She was a good woman, but her life was in her work. As was Steve’s but he was ready to be a father.” Nat nods.

“For Margaret, the Avengers were the most important? The work all of you did?” You try, not having spoken of this to her just yet.

Nat continues to caress your belly, feeling the warm fabric of your nightdress.

“He finally told you?” She smiles, nodding and biting her lower lip. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” You tell her, trying to catch her eye. “It doesn’t matter to me whatever it is that happened before I met you.”

Nat’s smile grows, her eyes twinkling with pure joy.

“You’re not like anyone that I’ve ever met before.” She nods. “I will tell you my story, my Queen. But perhaps later?”

She finally meets your eyes.

You nod. “I love you, Nat.”

Nat nods. “I am so grateful. You know that you have mine. You are my closest friend.”

You like the way she looks happy. You don’t want her to think that her past will weigh on your opinion of her.

“When my little one is born. Will you be his Godmother?” You ask, and the look of utter shock on Nat’s face makes this choice worth it.

She will make a wonderful second mother to your prince when he is born. No one better to protect him and nurture him if something should happen to you.

“You are the only real choice.” You tell her. “I trust you, with my life and the life of my son.”

She stares at you, dumbstruck.

“Nat?” You check, starting to worry.

Snapping out of it, she pulls you into a hug once again, so tight you groan but laugh.

“Of course, I will be the baby’s Godmother!” She squeezes you. “You honor me.”

In all of the joy, you almost forget what you’re about to face.

There’s a knock on your door, and you’re suddenly reminded.

Panic begins to bubble up in your tummy. As Nat pulls back, she quickly wipes away tears from her cheeks, shocking you back into forgetting your impending inspection.

“Nat?” You ask, reaching out to hold her arms as she smiles and laughs a little in an attempt to shrug this slip of unexpected emotion away. “What did I say?”

“It’s not you.” She assures you, reaching to take your hand. She pulls it to her lips and kisses it in genuine affection. “Later.”

Her promise is heavy, the sadness in her eyes is real, but there’s happiness there too. Gratitude.

“We’ll speak again later. Maybe send the men away and spend some time just us ladies?” Her offer is tempting and how can you possibly resist?

“I’d like that.” You nod.

Another knock on your door interrupts, and this time there is a voice to accompany it.

“Y/N?” Steve’s voice, gentle and coaxing. “Are you ready for us?”

“What’s wrong?” Thor’s booming voice sounds on the other side of the door and your heart gives an excited beat.

“Thor?” You call, instinct pulling you forward as Nat moves out of your way.

You pull the doors open and Thor stands beside Steve wearing thick dark trousers and a stylish charcoal jacket with a set of sterling silver buckles all the way up to his neck where the collar of a yellow shirt peeks around his perpetually sun kissed skin.

“Little bird!” Thor smiles, looking just as elated as you feel.

“Thor!” You spring forward, throwing yourself into his open arms as he rushes to meet you.

He laughs, a big rumbling laugh that shakes your ribs but fills you with warmth.

“How have you been, little bird?” He asks fondly and doesn’t put you down as he pulls back to look at you.

You reach up and push his hair back, caressing his cheeks fondly. It isn’t the same way that you caress Steve. Not one bit…but as you chuckle once, happy to see Thor after so long an absence, you catch sight of Steve’s pout.

You wiggle down out of Thor’s hold and he looks over his shoulder at Steve.

“Oh, I forgot you were there.” He says playfully.

You chuckle, but Steve frowns.

“A jest, my friend.” He tells Steve then rests his hand briefly on your cheek in affection before taking it back.

Steve moves in to stand at your side, his arm wrapping around your waist as the other finds a resting spot on the small swell at your front which is much more visible now in the thick white nightdress for your examination.

As he meets your gaze, his glowering look fades, replaced by the cutest look of adoration you’ve seen on his face to date.

For a moment you’re flabbergasted. You can’t reconcile this man…those storm blue eyes absolutely full of love, had once looked at you with distaste and resentment. The man on your wedding day seems like a different life.

The normally angular lines of his chiseled chin feel softened by the warmth in his eyes. The small curve of his lips, the pink in his cheeks.

He’s so happy and you’re so giddy to be the one to make him so.

Steve leans down to press his lips to your own for a quick peck, then stands tall and holds you against his side, dropping the hand on your belly.

“I’m glad that you came around.” Thor nods, approving of the sight before him.

“So am I.” Steve indeed sounds grateful.

Your mind begins to wander however, and Thor’s sudden appearance, while very welcome is a surprise.

“Thor?”

“Yes, my little bird?” He gushes, chuckling again at the frown that Steve gives him.

There’s a playfulness in their looks, a fight of siblings.

He knows that Steve doesn’t like his little pet name and he’s calling you by it on purpose. It’s not malicious and Steve’s distaste for it is superficial.

“Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want you to think that I’m not happy to see you but, why are you here?” You ask, brow furrowed with thought.

Thor’s playful expression shifts, curious confusion etching is own brow.

“Well, I brought the doctor for your examination.” Thor says.

“You did?” You reply with a gasp.

“Yes. He’s a close friend though not many know it. His name is Selvig. Erik Selvig. He is a very skilled doctor. And he has assured me that if he finds you void of an heir, he will happily lie to the council that you are indeed pregnant.” Thor smiles.

You look between him and Steve as they exchange a look of amusement.

“You’re teasing me.” You accuse them and both of them chuckle.

“Only a little, my petal.” Steve kisses your head. “But Thor really does know Doctor Selvig and escorted him here as a favor to me. The council was presented with several doctors and they chose Doctor Selvig.”

“Of course, they did not know that he is a close friend of mine.” Thor explains. “And we will keep them in the dark as long as we can.”

“Must you leave straight away?” Steve asks Thor, his tone changing quite a bit from its disapproval to careful and easy flowing concern. “Have the attacks ceased in the Southern villages since I left?”

“They have.” Thor nods. “I can spare a few days. I will stay.”

Steve nods. “You can take the tower on the North side of the house. There’s a balcony if you need to use it.”

“Thank you. I’ll go there now. I haven’t slept in three days. Not the longest I’ve ever gone without sleep but if I can, I will take it.” Thor smiles and for the first time you see the small signs of his weariness.

He’s still beautiful, Godly…but tired. Listening to them talk, the ease and the familiarity with which they converse is pleasing.

You suppose that now that you know about the Avengers, they don’t feel the need to be so tense around you.

“Good luck, little bird.” Thor tells you, his smile winning and knowing. “Don’t worry. I only look this tired.”

You frown at him. “You’re both insufferably self-sacrificing.”

Both of them chuckle.

Thor leaves the two of you without another word, smiling fondly at the two of you before he shuts the door.

“Are you ready?” Steve asks, chaffing your arms with the intent to give you comfort.

“What if-?” You begin, terrified once more at the reminder of what’s to come, but are interrupted by more knocks on your door.

“Doctor Selvig is here, your Majesties.” Peter’s voice chimes in. “Uh…shall I show him in?”

“Why are you waiting out here?” A deeper irritated sounding voice butts in. “Where is her Majesty?”

“Is she refusing the examination?” Says another more charming sounding tenor.

He almost sounds hopeful that you are.

“First one was Lord Ross. He sounds angry but he’s on our side…mostly.” Steve whispers for you. “The second was Lord Pierce.”

Steve’s voice darkens as he speaks the second name and you have to wonder what makes him hate the man, because clearly, he does.

You cling to his arm, feeling suddenly nervous about them being in the room while you’re exposed and vulnerable and Steve so clearly disapproves of one of them passionately.

“Let them in, Peter.” Steve instructs and the door creaks open.

Peter peeks in first. When he gets his eyes on you and Steve and sees that you’re alright, he smiles at you and straightens up to stand at full height.

“This way, my lords.” He pushes the door open fully and holds his arm out to show them in.

Nat appears to your left pulling a folding screen along with her. It’s made of what looks like deer hide. Thick. No one is going to be able to see you through it. It comforts you a bit.

She begins to unfold it, blocking the bed behind you from the view of two large chairs set before a smaller fireplace than what you’ve become used to the past few weeks.

It’s a little cold in this room but with Steve beside you, you’re fine for now.

Still, you’re grateful for the room. You and Steve had discussed very quickly where you wanted your examination done and you were terrified of doing this in the bed where you both spend so much time together. So, you chose to have it done here.

This examination is invasive and you’re terrified of having yet another bed that you share with Steve be tainted by a feeling of violation.

No. You might have to go through with this in order to help Steve keep his crown, but you will be damned if you don’t demand to control that which you can.

The first man that walks through the open door is stern looking. His brow set firmly with disapproval. He looks displeased with everything he sees. Even you.

Still, he bows, the sleek gray tunic and trousers he wears have no frill. They are simple but made with beautiful linen and only the intricate stitching gives away that he has money. There is no vanity in his outfit at first glance, but you can also see the pride in his demeanor.

It’s slightly aggressive. Combative. The cold look in his eyes gives you pause.

“Your Majesties.” He says, bowing at the waist to both you and Steve.

Already tucked into Steve’s side, you hide even further behind him, hoping to shield your baby from this man’s disapproval.

Steve gives you a glance before he clears his throat lightly and tugs on your hand back forward.

You know what you need to do and what he’s reminding you of.

After steeling your nerves, you come around from behind Steve and offer the man your hand.

“Lord Ross.” You assume, and it seems correctly so.

Lord Ross gives you what must be the closest thing to a genuine smile, takes your hand, and kisses it gently. A mere brush of his prickly lips with their black and white moustache.

“You are looking radiant, your Majesty, if you don’t mind my saying?” He flatters you, as every good subject should do to their Queen when she’s expecting.

“Thank you, Lord Ross. I’m glad to finally meet the man who keeps my husband from my bed.” You feel weird talking to him, but he seems at ease as he releases your hand.

“I will endeavor to do better, my Queen.” He says. “In your delicate condition however, is a husband really what you need around you? Should you not rather have more ladies?”

You smile, taking no offense. He’s only making conversation and from what you’ve seen here in Broklin, the gentry tend to let their wives take comfort in their servants rather than spending the time themselves.

“All I need is Steve.” You tell Lord Ross and he seems taken aback for a moment by the real way that you say those words. Not to mention the use of his name sounds natural and casual as it slips from your lips.

Ross bows his head again and moves to stand by his designated seat as a second man with a rounder face but handsome. This man was very good looking in his youth. The red of his hair is still speckled throughout his head.

His skin is more vibrant than Lord Ross’s. More pink.

You do see what Steve meant about the charming nature of his character. At first glance, Lord Pierce looks like a kind man. A gentle smile stretched across his lips. The aura that surrounds him is non-threatening, and he keeps his body bowed so as not to appear a threat.

He’s trying so hard not to be intimidating that it makes him seem suspicious.

Only the sinister gleam in his eyes gives him away. You don’t trust him.

“Your Majesties.” He gushes, his voice a lovely tenor, aged…but inviting. “How lovely to see you, my Queen.”

“Lord Pierce,” You state, then offer him your hand.

Steve steps closer, wrapping one arm around your waist and you feel like this is more for his state of mind than for your own. He needs to feel you safe there beside him maybe?

Pierce takes it and kisses it briefly before releasing it.

“I’m sorry that we must meet again under these circumstances.” He tells you, not meaning it.

“We’ve met before?” You cock your head to the side, trying to remember when you’d made his acquaintance.

He stutters. “Uh, not formally, my Queen. I was at your wedding feast. Both of them. I hope you are fully recovered after the illness that kept you from court for so long?”

He’s probing into you, searching for a crack. You don’t like it. Still, you smile.

“I am recovered. It seems my pregnancy did not fair well with me the first few months. It put me in bed and made me very ill, but I am much better now.” You assure him, then reach down to cup your barely bulging belly. You caress it, rub it, and hope that it looks bigger than it really is. “And as you can see, faring well with our heir growing ever stronger within me.”

You smile at him, smug, but genuinely happy.

Pierce’s smile falters, its truth momentarily exposed as ire.

“That is as it should be, your Majesty.” He bows once again then moves to stand by his own chair.

Where he stood now stands a man with a wide face. He’s handsome for his age but is younger than the two lords waiting to sit.

With ashy blonde hair and sharp blue eyes, he approaches you wearing a kind smile. It’s unthreatening, but almost secretive and makes you feel as if he knows something you do not.

You offer him your hand, feeling comforted by the fact that this man is a friend of Thor’s.

The doctor takes your hand, kisses it, and holds it as he knows.

“Your Majesty,” he remains stooped over but looks up to meet your gaze. “It is so wonderful to finally meet you.”

His voice is lightly accented. The cadence a little different but otherwise his voice is smooth and relaxing.

“Good day, Lord Selvig.” You smile.

“Oh, no.” He smiles wider, a small chuckle escaping his lips and a tinge of pink painting his cheeks. “I am no Lord, your Majesty. Only a doctor.”

“Is that so?” You ask, raising your eyebrows, amused by his blush.

He nods and finally releases your hand.

“Nat?” You call.

Nat comes around the screen and stops to look at you.

“Are we ready?” You glance back at the screen and find it perfectly set up and angled to give you all the privacy you may need.

“We are.” Nat nods, she motions for you to follow her behind the screen but you turn to Lord Ross and Lord Pierce first to give them a small smile.

“I hope you will find the results to your liking.” And the slight venom in your voice is reserved for Lord Pierce specifically.

Lord Ross seems to know that because his eyes twinkle with delight at your bite, and speaks first. Before Lord Pierce can maneuver is charisma for you.

“I am sure we shall everything as it should be, your Majesty.” He says, then nods once.

You move around the screen and Nat follows. Doctor Selvig comes too.

Nat helps you onto the bed and with a pounding heart you settle yourself where she indicates. Doctor Selvig giving her quiet instructions.

“Just here at the end. A legs here.” He points at the base of the bed and where he wants you to place your feet.

You do as he says and slide close to the end, legs still clenched closed as your nerves begin to fray.

He seems to realize your worry and places his hand over yours while you sit.

“I’m sorry that this must be how we meet. It will be over quickly. I promise.” He swears, and you believe him.

You begin to lay back then realize that Steve isn’t with you.

“Steve?!” You call, a little more frantic than you like.

You don’t want Lord Pierce to know how this whole thing is affecting you.

“Nat?” You turn to look at her as you sit back up. “I thought you said-?”

Nat rushes around the screen.

“Excuse me, my lord, but our Queen needs her King.” You hear her say.

“She-?” Lord Pierce begins, confused.

For men to be present at these things is strange in itself. To be right there while it’s happening? Unheard of.

“Excuse me, Lord Pierce. My wife needs me.” Steve says, cutting him off.

A moment later, he rounds the screen and moves to stand to your right, taking your hand gently between both of his.

“I’m here.” He assures you. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Having Steve beside you helps, but as Doctor Selvig settles between your ankles, your heart begins to pound.

“Ready?” He asks you, and you are.

You nod.

The examination takes only ten minutes. The most invasive portion is over in less than a minute. As Doctor Selvig straightens up, he gives you a nod then looks at Steve as he brings your legs down and together.

“Healthy so far.” He tells you both and Steve releases a breath he’d been holding.

You look to meet his gaze and see the same nervous energy you can’t seem to escape reflected back at you from those storm blue eyes.

“Are you alright, petal?” He checks, brow knit with worry.

Still on edge, you can only nod as Doctor Selvig moves over to your left.

“I’ll be feeling for the baby now.” He tells you, then waits a moment to let your mind catch up before he begins to feel your tummy.

He traces the sides of your bump, up and down, pressing with gentle but firm fingers.

“There he is.” Doctor Selvig says, pressing on your left side more than your right.

“I-Is he okay?” You stutter, frantic energy coursing through you as the possibility of this pregnancy being in your head flies out the window.

“Perfectly fine, as far as I can tell.” He says, then scoots up closer. “If I may, your Majesty?”

He indicates your chest and you’re not sure what he needs but if it’s for the health of your baby, you’re willing to do anything.

“Of course.” You say weakly.

Steve’s hands tighten.

Doctor Selvig dips down, resting his ear between your breasts. You turn to Steve who stands chewing on the inside of his cheek, restraining himself. He doesn’t like this any more than you do.

“Nice strong heartbeat.” Doctor Selvig says. “I foresee no complications, as long as you take care and remember to prioritize your health over everything else.”

“So, she’s alright?” Steve wonders.

“Perfectly so. She is indeed with child and very healthy. Congratulations, your Majesties. I cannot wait to meet the young Prince.” Doctor Selvig’s smile widens and his words fill you with comfort.

You are indeed carrying Broklin’s future. You are mother to Steve’s heir!

And no one will take that from you.

Smiling, you look at your husband. Steve is beaming and he reaches over to shake Selvig’s hand before placing his hand on your belly and leaning down to kiss you.

You chuckle, ecstatic. All of your stress has melted away and you can’t imagine how anything might bring you down from this high.

There’s a knock on the door.

As Doctor Selvig moves back around the screen to deliver his findings, Steve helps you sit up while Nat rushes to answer the door.

“What do you need?” Steve asks, scooting closer so that your side is pressed up against his chest, his arm extended behind you on the bed to help prop you up and support your weight. “Are you…okay?”

“He was very gentle.” You assure him.

“Good.” Steve smiles. “Good. I’m glad it’s over.”

The relief in his face is apparent. He’s so glad that the examination is done, and you don’t blame him.

“Are you hungry? I can have some food brought up here or to our room?” He offers.

Just as you’re about to tell him you’re fine, your stomach grumbles loudly.

Steve huffs a small laugh, reaching up with his other hand to smooth out a stray hair along your right temple.

“Are my loves absolutely starving?” He asks you, a slight teasing quality to his tone.

Your cheeks burning, you nod.

“You were so worried this morning; you really did eat like a little bird.” He points out. “I’ll have something brought up.”

He kisses your cheek then gets up to pull on the cord by the bed while you scooch over to the end of the bed and reach down to put your slippers back on.

“I’ll do that.” He fusses and hurries around to the end of the bed before dropping down onto one knee.

He takes your left slipper and coaxes your leg up, wrapping his large hand around your calf. His fingers tickle the skin there as he slides your shoe on. He does the right too and you can’t stop smiling.

“You’re a king.” You remind him. “You should not be on your knees.”

Steve smiles, his beautiful lips twisting up into a half smile as he runs both hands up from your ankles, calves, to rest behind your knees where he hooks them and pulls you a little closer.

“For you, my knees must bend. Only you.” He says, flooding your tummy with heat.

“Your Majesty?” Nat calls from the other side of the screen. “Lord Barnes and Wilson are here to see you. They say it’s urgent.”

Steve looks back at where her voice floats in from before breathing in deeply then sighing forlornly.

“Urgent?” You worry.

Steve looks at you, smiling sadly. “I suppose I can’t forgo everything forever for you, no matter how much I may want to.”

Caressing his bearded cheeks—which he grew out for you after you mentioned how much you missed his scruff—your heart aches just a little.

“If you must go, you must. But please stay out of danger? I only just got you back.” You stress.

Steve chuckles, amused by your worry.

“I’ve had worse, my petal. No matter what I face, with you waiting for me, how can I do anything but come back to you?” His attempt to reassure you is weak and he can see it in your pout because he gets up to sit beside you, wrapping your up in his arms. “I promise that I will not do anything reckless.”

“Truly?” You lean back to look up into his face.

“Yes. I promise.” He reaches down to rub your tummy, a loving caress as he leans down to kiss you silly.

His lips are soft and slow, his tongue coaxing your lips open as both of you lose yourselves in it.

Someone clears their throat, Bucky it sounds like.

“Your Majesty?” He urges.

Steve pulls away, a quiet smack, as you pull apart.

“I’m coming.” Steve says, voice deep. It penetrates your bones and makes you want to trap him back in your bedroom where you can ravish him and also keep him safe.

“Will you be alright without me?” He checks, and you see that he doesn’t want to leave you either.

This gives you comfort.

“I will cope. I won’t be alright until you return.” You admit.

“Then I shall return quickly.” Steve kisses you again quickly and with one final caress to your cheek he turns and leaves. “What’s happened?”

“More attacks in the South. I didn’t want to wake Thor.” Bucky says.

“No. Let him rest.” Steve agrees, their voices fading as they leave. “Peter, stay close to her Majesty until I return.”

“Will do, your Majesty!” Peter replies.

Nat pushes the screen away, revealing Steve’s wide shoulders as he moves down the long hallway on the other side of the open doorway, Bucky and Sam moving briskly at his side before they turn the corner and disappear from sight.

“I’ve ordered a feast for us.” Nat tells you. “I heard his Majesty ask if you were hungry.”

“Nat…”

“Don’t worry.” She offers you her hands and you take them. She pulls you to your feet then hooks your left through her right and begins to lead you out of the now empty room.

Lord Pierce and Ross must have left just after the examination.

“If he promised not to do anything reckless…” Nat thinks for a moment.

“Something tells me that he’s always a bit reckless.” You frown.

“Looks like you’ve gotten to know your husband a bit more.” She praises. “But if he promised you…he will keep it.”

You frown, not really believing her.

“Are you ready for our day of self-indulgence and bonding?” Nat offers, smiling at you with those green eyes of hers betraying no worry. “Are you ready to hear my truth?”

In all the craziness of your examination, you’d almost forgotten Nat’s promise to tell you why she cried when you asked her to be Godmother to your little one. Now it’s all that matters.

[oumakokichi]

What's your opinion on Kaito and Maki! I don't know if anyone's ever asked this before (sorry if yes) Ur blog is epic btw!

This question is pretty recent, so I feel like this is a great one to kick off with getting back into writing full meta! I know in the past I’ve answered a few brief questions on how I feel about Momota and Maki respectively, as well as their relationship in-game, but I don’t know if I’ve ever written at length about the two of them.

I also don’t know whether you want my opinions on them both as individual characters or their relationship together, so I’ll probably touch on both aspects! This ask will obviously include spoilers for the whole game, so I’ll talk more under the cut!

Momota and Maki are definitely two of the most important characters in the game. Both their dynamic with each other, as well as their eventual friendship with Saihara, are pivotal plot points that come up again and again. Momota’s good intentions and attempts to help Maki come out of her shell and self-imposed isolation from everyone else are initially met by her with skepticism, distrust, and a feeling that he’s being incredibly overbearing and putting his nose where it doesn’t belong—but in the end, she does find herself pulled in by his unrelenting optimism and offers of friendship.

As Momota helps Saihara begin to overcome his anxiety and self-doubt by pushing him forward and reaffirming that he believes in him, Maki also begins to face some of her own demons. Like Saihara, her issues are rooted in deep-seated trauma from a young age, though hers is considerably more severe as it concerns both physical and mental child abuse, as well as a life filled with violence and murder.

It’s interesting, because both Saihara and Maki struggle with what I would call self-loathing, but go about showing it in completely different ways. They both doubt their own ability to do anything right and feel that they’ll only hurt people in the end, but where Saihara overcompensates for this by trying to please everyone and being afraid of saying no, Maki’s approach is much firmer: she tries to shut everyone out completely, keeping everyone at arm’s bay in order to prevent any attachments from forming in the first place. As someone who lost pretty much everything at such a young age, she’s clearly afraid of the same thing happening all over again, as well as wary of anyone who might try to get close to her, only to attempt to “take her out” in the same fashion that she’s had to kill people her entire life.

Momota’s persistence in striking up a friendship with her is therefore really, really interesting. It’s the first time in Maki’s life that anyone has ever been so adamant about wanting to get to know her. Considering how harsh and unfriendly she initially is, as well as the fact that her talent is revealed to everyone by the end of chapter 2, it would make complete sense if Momota wanted nothing to do with her, in her opinion. She’s used to being alone, and she’s already convinced herself by that point that it’s preferable to the alternative.

But Momota is a character who fundamentally refuses to take no for an answer. This is simultaneously both his best and worst trait, in my opinion: it’s literally right in his catch phrase, whenever he claims that he’s going to reach the stars someday. He runs purely on the idea of faith and belief. There’s no middle ground with him: either you trust someone implicitly, regardless of everything stacked against them, or you don’t. Shades of grey, especially at the beginning of the game, are virtually nil. It’s a very “shounen protagonist” sentiment that winds up being somewhat challenged for him as the game goes on.

He’s interested in Maki, and wants to know why she closes herself off in her research lab. When the finger is pointed at her in chapter 2 and she falls under suspicion of murdering Hoshi, he defends her even at the expense of making himself look worse, and even to the point of claiming that he would “bet everyone else’s lives” that she’s innocent (a line which was completely omitted in the localization and dub, but which you can still hear him say in the jp dialogue of the chapter 2 trial).

There’s absolutely no evidence to back Maki up or support her; Momota’s defense on her behalf stems more from the fact that he hates Ouma’s equally black-or-white “guilty until proven innocent” approach, and resents the attempts at mutual suspicion and paranoia that Ouma tries to force between them. Momota is, in a word, stubborn. He figures things out by “feel” or “intuition” and is extremely slow to change his opinions even when facts and evidence are presented before him.

Again, this can be a good trait: his loyalty means he’s the last person who would ever throw someone else under the bus, and it’s the main reason he succeeds in getting closer to someone as emotionally closed-off as Maki at all. It’s less of a good thing, however, in later chapters like chapter 4, where his stubborn refusal to look at the facts genuinely endangers everyone’s lives in the trial and results in a huge blow-out that threatens his friend group with Saihara especially, but really with the whole training trio.

It’s this stubbornness of his that really baffles Maki. Initially, she doesn’t know what to make of Momota’s attempts to befriend her. She assumes he must be reckless, or stupid, or both, to want to get close to someone as dangerous as she is. But as she gradually begins to let her walls down and starts opening up despite herself, it’s such a nice change to see her eventually starting to believe in herself and view herself more positively as a result of Momota’s own belief in her.

I think momoharu as a ship works really well and has potential specifically because of these themes of “self-love” and “believing in yourself” that come up in the main game’s narrative again and again. And unlike the dynamics between Momota and other characters, such as Saihara, I feel like Momota and Maki are on much more of an even footing, where the two of them can view each other as equals and aren’t afraid to challenge each other whenever one of them is in the wrong about something.

For example, Saihara and Momota have much more of an imbalanced, sometimes one-sided friendship. That’s not to say that they aren’t both extremely important friends to one another—but between Saihara’s inability to say no to people and Momota’s tendency to take charge and view himself as “the hero” while everyone else is his “sidekick,” their relationship becomes incredibly uneven very quickly.

Add to this Momota’s unspoken jealousy of Saihara’s talent and his pivotal importance to the rest of the group in trials, and it gets even messier. I’m reminded of the chapter 4 trial, when Saihara really goes against Momota’s opinion on something for the first time by proving that Gonta is the culprit, and Momota is livid. Even when all the proof is laid out before him, and even when he knows, logically, he feels so betrayed by Saihara’s lack of “belief” in him that his underlying jealousy bubbles up and he lashes out. The localization considerably dulled the impact of this, but in the original Japanese dialogue, Momota even stops referring to Saihara by his first name for a long time, referring to him much more coldly by his surname from the end of chapter 4 until the latter half of chapter 5.

Momota and Saihara never feel as though they’ve really escaped that “hero and sidekick” dynamic until the very end of chapter 5 when they say their farewells, and even then there’s a real hesitance with Saihara to call Momota out when he’s wrong or ask for an apology even when Momota owes him one. If the game had explored more of Momota’s jealousy and feelings of inadequacy compared to Saihara, I would have really loved that, and I feel like there would be real potential to explore how they could eventually be on even footing… but as it stands, in canon we don’t really get that, and most of Momota’s shortcomings and flaws are somewhat brushed aside after his death in favor of Saihara remembering him more fondly.

This isn’t to say that Momota doesn’t have any flaws when it comes to how he interacts with Maki, of course. His character has a lot of “toxic masculinity” baggage, including unironically believing really outdated things like “women shouldn’t be fighting, they should be raising children,” or thinking that women are inherently weaker physically and more fragile emotionally than men. Luckily though, Maki often consistently proves him wrong on all of these points: her ability to wipe the floor with him during their training sessions is of course part of it, but it’s worth noting that she’s also considerably more level-headed than Momota is in many ways.

Where Momota is superstitious and afraid of the occult to a comedic degree, Maki remains the rational, down-to-earth one who doesn’t believe in such things. Where Momota is prone to letting his pride and temper get the better of him and refuses to speak to Saihara or apologize for the things he said during their fight in chapter 4, Maki is the one who attempts to push them into interacting with each other again, and believes that Momota is being much too childish about the whole ordeal. Again and again, Maki proves Momota’s outdated and harmful stereotypes about women wrong, and isn’t afraid to poke fun at him or get exasperated with his bullshit whenever he’s being kind of a dick.

Her relationship with Momota works specifically because of how much it feels like the two of them are on a more even footing. Where Saihara somewhat meekly accepts the “sidekick” role, even when he thinks it’s unfair, Maki doesn’t really accept it or go along with it in the first place, beyond showing up for training sessions. And when she gradually begins to develop romantic feelings for him, it feels authentic—particularly because it ties back into the idea of Maki learning to believe in herself the same way that Momota has believed in her from the start.

Deep down, Maki is someone who fundamentally believes herself not only undeserving of, but borderline incapable of love. She feels as though any human emotions she might have once had were stomped out of her from a young age and that absolutely nothing remains, to the point where she says “even Kiibo is more human than she is.” This self-loathing and dehumanization are the main reasons she keeps people at arm’s length: she simply thinks she doesn’t deserve any kindness, and that even if it’s given to her, she doesn’t know how to reciprocate in turn.

Her entire character arc is about unlearning this, and gradually coming to accept that she does have the capacity to love, including love for herself and for others. I’ve seen some people who believe Tsumugi when she claims in the chapter 6 trial that she “gave Maki those feelings for Momota” for the sake of the show, but I feel that believing that at face value really doesn’t do justice to Maki’s autonomy as a character.

Even if Tsumugi somehow did insert those feelings there (which I highly doubt, especially considering how she blatantly lies about giving Momota his illness too despite pretty obviously not knowing he was sick prior to chapter 5), the whole point of Maki’s confession to Momota in chapter 5 and reaffirmation of those feelings in chapter 6 is that she eventually comes to believe that they’re her feelings, and no one else’s. As someone who was denied any free will or choice for her entire life, her coming to view Momota as someone precious to her, as well as herself as an individual capable of making decisions and loving other people, is an incredibly powerful arc of character growth. I honestly really love to see it.

And it’s clear that Maki coming to love and value herself as an individual is exactly what Momota wanted to see from her. We don’t really know if he reciprocated her romantic feelings or not since he dies without really giving her an answer. I personally think he spared her an answer because even if he had said he reciprocated, it only would’ve hurt her worse to see him die immediately afterward.

But what he does make really clear is that he fully believes that because she could come to love him, she could also eventually come to love herself. Whether it’s romantic or not, he clearly cherishes her a lot as a person and wants her to be happy. He wants her to live on as herself, and not any of the roles she’s had to take thus far in order to survive. She eventually does do this, and I think he would’ve been absolutely thrilled to see it happen.

All in all, I feel like momoharu has a lot of potential for character growth (both for Maki and Momota), as well as for cute moments, comic relief, and all around as a feel-good ship. Momota definitely has some issues to work out with misogyny and toxic masculinity, and while it’s certainly not Maki’s job to hold his hand and walk him through those things, she’s the type of person who doesn’t mind putting her foot down and telling him no when she feels like he’s crossed a line, which is exactly the type of dynamic I like to see in relationships.

Anyway, I’ll wind this up here. This was a really fun question to go into, thank you again anon! I had a lot of fun getting back into the swing of writing meta, and I’m glad I got a chance to write a little more about my thoughts on momoharu, and Momota and Maki as characters.

[its-chelisey-stuff]

We need to talk about Wooyeon

That’s right it’s me again, who won’t shut up about this drama. I just have a lot of feelings for this, okay? Okay. Enjoy my essay lmao

One of the things I liked about Wooyeon (and still do), from the very beginning, is the way she seemed like your classic romcom female lead (bubbly, girly, poor but great clothes, feels ungly but she’s super pretty, etc) on paper, but actually got more substance, a strong will (perphaps a bit too strong, come on girl, let your heart decide a little, go with the flow) and real personality once we got to meet her. I honestly think I’ve met a few people in real life that acted like her, so she seems like a real person (but that’s more of a praise for the writer than for her character so let’s continue).

During eps 1-2 I was completely on her side, more than Lee Soo’s. And I mean, we got most of our setup for the story from her, so it makes sense that she was more likable or she was more a person the audience would root for. The thing is I used to think she was not afraid of being vulnerable in relationships because of the way she confessed to Lee Soo on the airport, and how she did it again seven years later (but that second time still seems weird to me because the dude was only in Korea for a few days). 

Except that things are clearer now and I wonder, was she ever vulnerable? Not with Lee Soo, but with others, I mean. It takes a lot of courage to confess your feelings to someone (believe me, I’ve been there) but it takes a lot more to actually open up to someone while in a relationship. And I think that’s one of the many reasons Wooyeon’s relationships with these other 12 guys never worked out.

What did that boyfriend, that broke up with her on the first ep, said? “Don’t date. You don’t know how to love”? And then she nostalgically starred into the distance, remembering how her “curse” with Lee Soo began? Like saying “That’s because I only love one person and I can’t forget about him”? Yeah, I think that ex-boyfriend was right. Not in the sense that she is unable to feel the emotion, but more like she really doesn’t let the other person in, there’s a wall around her and that’s why she can’t ever form a deeper bond with the other, thus leading said relationship to a premature end.

On eps 3-4 I was still on her side and this is when Lee Soo got on my nerves a little (well maybe a lot).  The girl was clear that she never wanted to see him again but he kept pushing and pushing. That’s the only behavior of his I can call proper of a jerk, because before that, he’d been honest with WY and straighforward even if his words hurt her feelings a bit because it was not what she wanted to hear. And he took that job because he had decided to stay in the country already though, not to torment Wooyeon. Only once he had accepted the job he realized Wooyeon was gonna be working there as well.

It was on ep 5 when things took an unexpected turn and I started to root more for Lee Soo (not exactly his romance but for his development and for him to realize his feelings for WY as there were starting to appear some cracks on his emotional shield lol) than for Wooyeon. And I know why now. Because I wanted her to take a step back and look for therapy understand that jumping into another relationship after being once again swayed by Lee Soo, was not going to help her at all. Dating a man (no matter how nice and ‘perfect’) while she was still having all these unresolved issues and lingering feelings for Lee Soo, was only going to make things worse and confuse her. 

Which you know, it happened. Especially because Lee Soo figured out his own feelings for her.

The fact that she started a relationship with a man she had rejected, a few hours prior (and he was waiting outside her house why exactly??creepy), for Lee Soo, is the most undeniable proof that her brain wasn’t working properly anymore. She was acting purely on emotion: hurt, shame, anger and resentment. None of that were love.

A lot of people have some very strong opinions about Lee Soo,but let’s not blame the man for the decisions Wooyeon took, especially for the time when he was out of the country. His biggest stupidity, in my opinion, wasn’t rejecting her twice (that was actually a good thing, he wasn’t ready to admit his feelings) but lying to Wooyeon on that Namsan day.

I think that Wooyeon, as of ep 8, is too angry to see clearly. I get her anger and her incredulity of Lee Soo’s words when he says he likes her. He has sent her so many mixed signals in the past. He acts like he has feelings for her but tells her he only wants to be friends. She’s tired, understandably.

Yet, I know she still likes Lee Soo. I know that, no matter how hard she tries to like CEO, that’s just not how feelings work. And we saw her treating him at arm’s lenght like all of her other boyfriends, so her wall is not down. And that’s not because of something Lee Soo did to her, that’s because that’s how she is at relationships. I believe that she has had more vulnerability with Lee Soo, as a friend, than with any of the men she’s dated.

So now, I wonder, will she or will she not realize in time that she’s doing wrong by remaining by CEO’s side despite her feelings for another man? Will she understand that she really is going to be the “Lee Soo” this time around? On purpose? Now that he has promised to do the one sided love? Because she knows how much that hurts and drains someone, so is she really going to put Lee Soo through that? Even when she cares for him? Let’s put aside whether or not he deserves it (I personally think he doesn’t). I think that’s just too cruel and more than enough “punishment” for not realizing his feelings sooner.

So I’m hoping Wooyeon breaks up with CEO and decides to start over with Lee Soo and I’m not saying they should date right away. Because there’s just no point in giving pain to a loved one, even if they wronged you. That’s below anyone and not something that should be one’s work.

[kitchenscene]

austin’s 911 / buddie fic rec

[ long post, so all fics are under the cut ]

tags: @michaelgrantnash , @bisexualbuck , @terryjeffordss

﹂cause love is whatever we want it to be by wafflesofdoom

summary: "he and buck, there was a sort of an inevitability to their relationship that scared eddie to his core, sometimes – but more and more now, he was realising that his fear was holding him back from something amazing.he –well, eddie was going to sweep buck off his feet."

personal opinion: there’s this line – ‘falling for you just felt inevitable’ –that just stuck with me. this is one of those fics that i’ll probably still be thinking about years from now.

﹂the ivory keys by tkreyesevandiaz

summary: buck didn’t think he’d come back to this one thing again. as a kid, he’d crashed into the habit like a beautiful accident. he’d stumbled upon the old instrument in the guest house where his parents usually held brunches and parties for other aristocrats in their circles, at age eight. after hearing the reverberating sound from the keys, it became an obsession to learn.

personal opinion: very very very sweet. i literally had dreams about this fic after i read it.

﹂encore by pline

summary: “I’m going insane.”

“Did something happen?”

A dark, bitter laugh bubbles out of Buck – a mockery of joy.

“Everything keeps happening, and it’s still the same fucking day. It’s always the same and every time it’s different and I can’t do anything.”

Or

Buck keeps reliving the same day, over and over again.

personal opinion: oh my GOD oh my god i love time loops. the angst !!! (make sure you read the tags though for tw)

﹂knocking on heaven’s door by MomentsOfWeakness

summary: buck isn’t sure where he is. the last thing he remembers was being out on a call. now he’s here, in a place he has never seen before surrounded by people he doesn't know. it's bright. that's all he can really tell.

based on a tumblr prompt where someone asked for buck and chris both ending up in purgatory at the same time before they ever met in life. buck has a ticket back to the living world but he gives it to chris who is supposed to die. an old man, seeing what buck did for chris, decides to give his own ticket for the living world to buck, because the world needs more people like him.

personal opinion: i included this on an old fic rec post and i’m linking it again because i love it. this is so poetic and lovely.

﹂eddie begins by malmal88

summary: these are words he’s never spoken out loud before. each experience that counts as proof has been folded up and carefully tucked away inside of himself. he spent all the time in between each one of the cornerstone moments trying to prove to himself, to his father, to anyone who was paying attention that it wasn’t true. he was almost successful at it. but there is only so long you can deny who you are.

personal opinion: this is part of a three fic series, and it’s one of my fav eddie centric fics. all three together are a masterpiece.

﹂i’ll see you in my dreams by talk_too_much

summary: in which buck finds himself inexplicably married to his best friend, but it’s fine, he’s figuring it out.

personal opinion: this is part one of a two fic series, definitely read both of them. not much i can say plot wise without spoiling it, but this is a fic that i come back too a lot.

﹂it wasn’t fate that led me to you by theskyisblue

summary: evan buckley was seven years old when his vision for the red string of fate came to life. his mother had talked with him for hours that day, explaining to him what he saw, why he saw what he saw, and how he should never breathe a word to a single soul about what he saw. he was still too young to understand that the red string of fate was more complicated than his seven-year-old mind made it out to be, that love was far more complex than a simple fated partner and a happily ever after.

personal opinion: oh it’s got a Moral at the end, which i like. happy ending, but not in the way you’d think.

﹂carnations by red_to_black

summary: evan buckley has never once been given flowers in his life. that is, until he mentions it in a fit of self-pity at the firehouse. then they're everywhere. what he can't work out is where they're coming from.

(or: buck mentions never getting flowers before, and a certain someone decides to remedy that.)

personal opinion: one of those fics where it’s so cute that i have to set my phone down for a sec and take a few breaths or else i’ll get overwhelmed. love love love.

﹂kiss me like you mean it by HaleyDingle

summary: 5 times eddie kisses buck + 1 time he really kisses him.

personal opinion: i think i’ve reread this like five times at least. very sweet.

﹂stick with you by soft_satan

summary: eddie licked his dry lips as he reached for his radio, trying to keep his movements slow and delicate to prevent any more damage to himself or buck.

“Diaz to Captain Nash.”

“Go for Nash,” came Bobby’s quick reply.

“You two okay? Where are you?”

“We’re in a bit of a sticky situation here…”

“We’re a shish kabob, Cap!” Buck chimed in. Eddie rolled his eyes.

personal opinion: oooh babey the angst. the self sacrificing bullshit. i love it.

﹂to glimpse red by tkreyesevandiaz

summary: red was the color of passion, of seduction, of happiness and prosperity. it was the color of danger, of fire, of violence, of blood. but in this moment, red was the color of pure terror.

personal opinion: oh im a slut for navy seals!buck and this delivers.

﹂the urgency of now by wayfarer

summary: buck is pretty sure the universe is actively trying to murder him at this point. there’s just no other explanation. in the last two years he has been blown up and subsequently crushed by a fire truck, suffered from a pulmonary embolism, nearly drowned in a tsunami and now this. how many times can he almost die before it stops being an accident and starts being some kind of cosmic hit put out on his life?

or, a building collapses on Buck and Eddie. confessions ensue.

personal opinion: i don’t usually cry when i read fics but this made me cry like a little baby.

﹂if i didn’t have you by rebeccaofsbfarm

summary: Eddie groans, but he gets down on his knee, setting their beers on the pavement. He works to unknot the laces, then ties them again. He goes to stand, but Buck stops him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Eddie…” he looks up to see that Buck’s eyes are the size of dinner plates. He leans on his knee, trying to understand why Buck is so flustered, and then he hears the shutter of a camera. In his peripheral, he sees that a crowd has gathered around them, and half of the people have their phones out, recording.

Eddie’s eyes connect with Buck’s, and while he is panicked, Buck is trying so hard not to laugh that there are tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. The crowd must see it and misread it as Buck being overcome with emotion, because they coo in response.

“Fuck,” Eddie curses under his breath, quiet enough that only Buck can hear him. “What do I do here?”

Buck snorts, “Sorry man, I think you’ve got to commit now.”

personal opinion: fuck dating we’re skipping straight to proposals.

﹂waves (it comes and goes) by SunSpell80

summary: evan buckley left his past behind when he left home for good at age 19. but an unexpected phone call on a quiet shift disrupts the life he's built for himself: forcing him to confront his past in order to build a new future.

personal opinion: make sure you read the tws but oooOOh the slowburn ? the family drama ? i live for it

﹂you’re gonna have a great time by waytotheend

summary: chris leaves a list of 20 things buck can do to cheer eddie up while he's at camp; somehow it turns into a 20 steps plan to woo eddie.

personal opinion: ‘i don’t know buck, i’m nine’ sends me every time.

[raexxbb]

Critic of Cartoons (SPOILERS!)

KyI figured I would begin doing on here what I do in my life. Rate a cartoon 10 out of 0 (-10 being highest/best and zero being the worst of the worst nonsense-) while telling my thoughts as to why. The third one is older and full of adventure with tales beyond what’s expected. Now on Netflix:

9 -Avatar: the Last Airbender

This may get a bit long ‘cause I want to bring each character justice. I love this show so much. I only deducted one point for the smallest of reasons otherwise it probably would have gotten a ten.

There’s a strong love-hate relationship with this show. All of the characters are incredible in there own unique way. My only issue is with the fact that the ‘hero gets the girl’ and does so by being whiny. It’s such a cliche and literally the only reason this show has a nine. The romantic element has a strong scale to hold but this show does a poor job of holding it up. Aang is fine, and I love Katara just not them romantically. Aang’s crush on her right away just rubbed me weird. I guess, it’s fine to crush on a pretty girl but to push the crush so much until she feels the same way... Katara had multiple boyfriends along the show and didn’t show much interest in Aang other then as a friend. So, them romantically together I never saw it being as Aang also pushes the chemistry. That’s it, my only issue is there in that relationship. Alone every character is very well thought out and placed in such a particular situation it makes them each perfect.

This forced kiss is the most disgusting moment in the entire show. He pushes this on her right after she says she’s confused and doesn’t know her feelings towards anyone. He’s just being childish (yes, I register he’s twelve) but if you want an adult relationship this is the wrong way to go about it. I don’t see why Katara would ever consider moving into a romantic relationship after this. Pushy is such a red-flag for me. Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way but it just outright infuriates me. Just look at how uncomfortable she looks during this moment.

Another thing I’d like to bring to light is the fact that Aang maybe a bit sexiest. I state this lightly ‘cause of the play episode in the third season. The thought came to be while reviewing Korra. Katara fights against sexism and to empower women. However, Aang became overly insulted when a woman was acting as him in the Ember Island play. Toph loved the idea of a guy playing her, but Aang just couldn’t get over his part being played by a female cast member. It is rude. Yes, everyone knows he still isn’t a girl but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t doing a decent job representing him. The fact that Katara still enters into a relationship just makes me feel like she’s going against something she stood so strongly for. 

People may believe it’s because I favor Zuko and Katara but it isn’t that. Honestly, I’m no longer sure I like them as a couple anymore either. They have cute moments. There are just so many issues among all of the romantic relationships. Somehow, I found myself wishing it revolved more around friendship ‘cause the romance in this show wasn’t handled well at all.

The only reason I’d ever argue for Katara and Zuko to be a couple is because of the ending where he saves her life from Azula. I mean, yes, he put her in danger quite a few times but he was slowly redeeming himself throughout all of that. This wasn’t the only time he saved her and tried to give his life for hers. Throughout the third season of him trying to redeem himself, he tried the hardest with Katara because he had already betrayed her trust once. 

Although, I’m still not saying they would’ve been the best couple either. Let’s not forget: they’re young -teenagers and children. If someone has found their soulmate already, good for them. It’s just abnormal and I’m trying to look at these relationships with a bit of a more realistic thought process. 

There are a few times this show has been about friendship:

Toph was once worried about their friendships, however, one line from Roku gave her confidence and soothed her completely.

“Some friendships are so strong, they can even transcend lifetimes.” -Avatar Roku

Really love this quote from Roku~ 

Zuko’s redemption ark was beyond the best point in the show and had me balling the entire time, every time I’ve watched it gets my heart throbbing for this boy! What if his mother had taken him with her? His life would’ve been so different and probably a lot better! The scar would be gone. No father abuse for him! Of course, without him the Fire Nation would be even worse then it ever was.

“It was to teach you respect!” -Ozai

“It was cruel! And it was wrong!” -Zuko

“Then you’ve learned nothing!” -Ozai

“NO! I’ve learned everything! And, I’ve had to do it on my own.” -Zuko

That conversation with his father, where he finally stands up to such a horrible man was beyond astonishing. Especially seeing as it seemed like something Zuko would never do. 

Although, Iroh new all along that Zuko is great.

“Then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?” -Zuko

“No. Someone new much take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko.” -Iroh

Uncle has always believed in his nephew. That he would be the one to take the Fire Nation and bring balance to the world. They’re the best relationship in this show once Zuko stops being so angry.

Of course, there’s also the Mai of it all. 

They’re occasionally good for each other. Their relationship is highly problematic. Mai is an awesome character alone, standing up to Azula when she’s terrified of her is great! However, Zuko and her argue nonstop and have an on-off dating history. It can be tiresome to watch. There just wasn’t any chemistry between them that I felt.

The only thing that I love about them is the prison scene. (Which could’ve been a friendship scene.)

Even when Zuko locks her away she chooses him. That is when I thought perhaps their relationship isn’t terrible. She still chooses him afterwards. Their behavior before is erratic and not that of a good relationship. Mai alone wouldn’t have been a trouble thing. Honestly, I relate to Mai as a gayer character then straight.

Although, that leads me to think about Azula, the girl of evil.

“My own mother, thought I was a monster...” -Azula

She’s only fourteen and she’s been raised by an abusive mad man. The entire background just makes me wish someone had tried to love her instead of shown her hatred. Her mother feared her, didn’t even say good-bye. Her brother had to fight her in order to save her from herself and father. 

The thing that made her truly snap was her friends (only ‘cause they fear her) betray her. The last people she had on her side! She just needed love as Zuko did. It would probably take her years to recover from the madness just as it took Zuko. She needs love and help. Who was going to give it to her after the third season? 

In the graphic novels, it’s revealed Zuko has her in a special insane asylum trying to give her the mental help she needs. But, she still seems tense and full of rage. It would’ve been nice to see further into that department of the Fire Nation.

These two are both extremely important. Their bond throughout the entire story is amazing. Him becoming his teacher was his true redemption, true honor came from that act. Of course, he learned so much from hunting Aang and trying to kill him as well.

Above all else, Uncle Iroh (-Zuko’s true father-) is definitely my favorite of all the characters. He’s just so warm and always does the right thing. He waited for Zuko when he went down the wrong path continuously knowing Zuko would realize his mistakes.

The White Lotus is one of the greatest things about this show.

“Don’t you know? All old people know each other?” -King Bumi

He’s just so hilarious and random. All of the great masters together in a secret society despite their nation’s differences is the most grandest thing.

Of course, another favorite is Appa.

The episode portraying animal abuse is heartwrenching. Him being taken from the ones that love and protect him only to be beaten and abused. This show goes beyond any other show in displaying all the different types of abuse in the world- emotional, physical... And it covers even more than this.

Another piece of me would’ve been interested in seeing if Aang had died and a water Avatar born to be the last Airbender. *Cough, cough* Maybe Katara? She is the most powerful bender in the show after all.

“I will never ever turn my back on people who need me!” -Katara

Perhaps instead of killing Aang off, just have them be wrong that he’s the Avatar and so whoever was actually got killed during the air temple raid. Causing the line to move on to water. Aang could’ve been trapped in an iceberg to be able to teach Katara air. Of course, that may not work if he weren’t able to waterbend and freeze a bubble around him. But, there’s definitely an air pocket in there. 

It is one of the most beautiful cartoons ever created. Besides the fact I never really enjoyed Aang as the main character. All of the others are just so much more interesting then him, in my opinion.

Toph is one of the many characters I didn’t discuss. That fact just is that Toph is beyond incredible. She is the character that is ahead of her time. She proves that being disabled doesn’t mean she a person that’ll stop trying.That’s all, her blindness doesn’t work against her. Instead it works for her giving her a stronger way to see the world.

I’ll be doing Avatar: Legend of Korra at a later time. Trying to make sure I go back and re-watch everything to properly review it.

I really wish they would go back and create a show called Avatars about all of the past lives. Maybe 2/3 episodes to display each of them. There are hundreds and I’m curious to know more about them. I’d love to see Kyoshi as a badass teenager.

[cl-babydew]

Priceless

Who knew this would be my first MHA and IzuOcha fic! XD I’m saying that becuz I have a fic in the making, along with an IzuOcha idea that’ll continue it. Both are gonna reference to Lion King! This one is unrelated to all of that tho! I was pressured to do this based off of a tiny thing I did in the IzuOcha HC channel! XD I tried resisting...that didn’t help...this fic isn’t anything special tbh, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Pure fluff is on its way, with tiny crumbs of angst! Angst and fluff blend well, what can I say? XD @amynchan I hope you are satisfied!

—-———-

Sunsets are nice. The coolness it brings, washing away the summer heat. It’s wonderful colors blanketing the sky in red, pink, orange, and so much more. Ochako could stay right here for hours, especially since her special someone is standing besides her enjoying the sun go down. She couldn’t ask for more.

“What are you thinking about, Sunshine?” Nicknames, did she love them. It wasn’t anything new to their relationship; it’s been something they pick up even before being a couple. The nicknames just seemed to get a bit more...cheesier, in her opinion. In all honesty, she never understood it. Not the use of nicknames, but confused about the ones he chose to gift upon her. Why call her Sunshine? It would make more sense to her if he were upheld with the cherished name.

She turned from the colorful sky that continued to send shade, covering them in darkness with -soon to come- twinkling stars. Her clothed back rest against the balcony rail, her hum vibrating it a bit. “Just wondering...” she smiled to herself, her thoughts still lingering. The name just fit him more. Besides, he was the reason she woke up every day. The light in her life that just never seemed to dissipate. He was a beacon of hope to everyone, not just to her. She had her moments where she felt selfish, wanting him to herself. She knew. Ochako knew that he was for everyone. Not just for her. She’d cherish the part of him that she does have. The part of him only she gets to see. He’s Deku, and that’s all that matters. At least, that’s all that should matter. Why? Why couldn’t that be enough. He was enough. More than enough, in fact! Maybe it was her? Was she enough? No! She shouldn’t think like that, she knew he loved her. She knew she was enough for him. Yet...the back of her mind will forever linger with that toxic thought, “He deserves better”.

Shaking her head, she snapped back into the present. There he was, looking at her with those emerald, worried, irises. She jumped on her toes, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly, “Ah, sorry! Kinda zoned out there for a minute.” The boy blinked, staggering back a bit. She noted how his body was now facing the same direction as hers.

Before he could put his worry into words, she clambered on, fiddling with her fingers, “Can I ask you a question?” He took attention, nodding with that determined smile of his. Gosh was he a dork, couldn’t hide that worry in his eyes for the best of him. Ochako rolled her body to the side, facing the one she felt like she didn’t deserve. Gosh were his eyes capturing. The girl sucked in a breath, her eyes shut, levitating on her question and how she was going to ask without it sounding strange.

“Um, this may sound weird but,” A nervous giggle slipped past her lips. Her fingers toyed with the strands of her hair, eyes averted to the ground. Fighting back a blush would be hopeless now. “Izuku,” saying his name so freely always left her tingling inside. “Why is my nickname, Sunshine?” She flailed her hands, her heart pounding. Couples would be lying if they said relationships get easier in time, “Ah- I mean, why am I the sun?” She covered her face, “I’m sorry if it’s a strange question, I’ve just never understood it.”

Izuku’s confused face washed away, a smile springing into action. He started to chuckle a little, only causing her to hide more. Clearing his throat, he moved to her, his hands gently grasping around her wrist, guiding them down, “N-No it’s okay! Sorry for laughing, it’s just- Well...” he coughed as he felt a blush of his own seeping onto his freckled features. Trying his best to brush off his latest thoughts, a smile found its way back to his lips.

“Ochako, please look at me.” He’d be lying if he said he didn’t let a few laughs lips past his lips. She just looked so cute; he couldn’t help it. Her cheeks puffed in announce, rosy, yet flourishing more than usual. After a bit, the girl let out a breath, giving in.

“That’s better.” He perked up, trying his best not to drown within those chocolate brown eyes of hers. “The reason behind that nickname I gave you...” maybe having her eyes on him, wasn’t such a good idea. He mustered all the courage he could find, “Your so bright, sometimes it’s even hard for me to look at you.” That was a mood within this very moment, his eyes engulfing hers, and she did the same to his. The confidence he had seconds prior all but left him. He shrunk, his voice getting smaller, “Not to mention that my life revolves around you.” Now he knew how she felt.

Ochako squeaked, hiding her face once more, Izuku following suit. Even though she’d never fully understand it, she understood that he surly felt the same as her. She just hoped he knew he was enough.

The couple stood there, allowing the cool air to calm their burning cheeks. Which thankfully subsided not too long after the stars floated above their heads, moonlight coloring the both of them.

Ochako was the first to break, laughter filling in the quiet, and thick air, around them. The hero besides her lowered his hands, a laugh bubbly out of him as well. Gosh they were a mess.

Wiping a tear from her eye, her giggles fading, not minding their closeness, “Then... I guess that means you’re my world, Deku?” She beamed, both her fist landing in front of her stomach, between them.

Izuku’s face scrunched up, “So bright!”

“Ah, Deku! Your face is doing that thing, again!” Ochako screeched, leaning forward, her hands attempting to poke at his face.

Her boyfriend’s head shot up, his scarred arm laying over his eyes, “Sorry!” He squeaked out, stuttering on his next few words, “Y-You’re just so bright.”

She scoffed, nudging his shoulder. Peaking from under his arm, a warm smile danced on his lips. He loved how she couldn’t contain a frown for long. As if on cue, a giggle broke free, her laugh lighting up his world. To both their surprise, a snort snuck in between her giggles. This only caused her to laugh more, Izuku joining not long after. His chuckling didn’t last unlike hers. Just a glance, and he was drowning in her. Caught in her effective trance; he never wanted to escape. The boy’s breath was taken away. He couldn’t help but think of how lucky he was as he continued to watch on, breathless. Her hair bounced along with each giggle she blessed his ears with. The moon light absorbed them within its beauty and peacefulness. A true gift.

Maybe they were already enough. All they knew was that the one before them was worth more than the stars above them. Actually, they weren’t even close to that. Love didn’t have a cost, because...it’s priceless.

-————-

I hope you enjoyed this!! XD

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Love me, love me not ~ pt. 3

03: When Grayson walks the red carpet

Summary: Grayson recounts the past week before walking the red carpet with Y/N and Ethan.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, SMUT

Word count: 3000

Love me, love me not ~ Series Masterlist

"Wait, so what happened?" Ethan was a little lost, finally getting the truth from his brother who had been rather coy for the past week. "You kissed her and Henry stormed off and through the paps and you went inside and stayed the night?" Ethan repeated the version the media believed, the one they all assumed considering Grayson was seen leaving the next morning, disheveled, his shirt missing a few buttons.

"Yeah. And then..." Grayson licked his lips, trying not to smile because he genuinely didn't know if there was anything to smile about.

"Bro, tell me! I've gots to know!" Ethan insisted, well aware he's acting like a fan instead of like his twin, but he was rather lost on number of things that happened in the past week and he needed answers. His attraction to Y/N may or may not be a big reason why, but hey, no harm in looking was his life moto.

"And then she closed her door and slapped me so hard I saw stars." Grayson licked his lips, wanting to continue before Ethan chuckled so loudly, a small squeal had made his laugh sound like a kicked puppy.

"And then she pushed me against the wall and kissed me even harder." Grayson continued, making Ethan's laugh die in an instant.

"She fucking kissed you?!"

Her hands ran up and down his chest as her lips claimed his - passionately, roughly, determinedly. Without a word, she started to unbutton him, her cold fingertips brushing his warm skin - until she lost patience and ripped his shirt open, pressing her palm against his chest as he broke the kiss.

"You stopped the kiss?!" Ethan exclaimed, unsure if he should let him finish the story or punch him in the face for missing out. If it wasn't clear by now, Ethan lived vicariously through Grayson.

"Wait. Y/N, are you sure?" Grayson breathes out, his own brain malfunctioning as she stepped back long enough just to pull her shirt over her head and give him a glare.

"Less talky, more kissy." She ordered, drawing a smile on his lips as she pushed him toward her bedroom, her lips reattached to his, her teeth sinking into his bottom one.

"So you actually? Like, you really - ya know?" Ethan winked suggestively, smiling like a goof who was very proud of his little brother.

"Wait. Hold up! Do you have a condom?" Y/N stopped herself, her brain working just enough to let some sane thinking push down on her incredulous desire.

Grayson groaned, his hands moving from her breasts to his face as he realized how unprepared he is. But he how could he have expected this to happen?

"Fuck." She cussed under her breath, pulling his briefs down.

Grayson's eyes snapped open, propping himself up on his elbows as he watched her cold little hands take his already hardened cock in her hand, her eyes hungrily inspecting it.

"What are you doing?" He chucked, unable to hold off the bubbling laughter of confusion and enthusiasm of having her touch him, feeling himself twitch on her palm.

"You'll fit." She smiled, leaning forward her body covering his entirely, naked completely and pressing in all the right places as he released a shuddered breath. Y/N reached her nightstand, pulling out an XXL sized condom, smiling victoriously as she showed him.

"You just have those lying around?" Grayson questioned as she shrugged, her thumb grazing over his sensitive, pink tip, making him shiver as a chill went down his spine.

"Gonna question it or gonna let me ride you until you can't breathe?"

"She dominated you! Oh my God, I love this!" Ethan threw his head back, tapping his legs on the ground as his arms crossed over his chest, laughing once again.

"Bro, that's not even the worst part." Grayson scowled, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

Heaving, Grayson could hardly get enough of the view on top of him - her beautiful mouth opening in pleasure every time she sunk down on him, her eyes rolling back into her head, her breasts bouncing as she speeds up, her hands placed over his chest to keep herself steady. She'd reach back with her left hand - fondling his balls every chance she could, prompting his loud, uninhibited moans that drew an honest smile upon her lips. He'd rub her clit every time she did so, returning the favor until she pushed his hand away and placed her own back on his chest.

However, closer to their high, Grayson had watched her move like a goddess on top - half convinced this is a wet dream instead of reality, giving his orgasm a chance to hit fully as he trusted up and into her, taking her by surprise as she gasped, giving her an unexpected release as she clenched around him.

And that's when it happened, a loud wheeze filled the room, forcing Y/N down from her pleasurable high much sooner than she'd like, finding Grayson unable to breathe.

"You had a fucking asthma attack?!" Ethan cackled, falling off his chair as the story pieced together in his head, looking at his embarrassed brother with a look of disbelief.

"She found my inhaler in my pants and we fell asleep soon after. I mean...there was cuddling, but I woke up alone. There were pancakes on the kitchen counter, her key left on a note - Didn't want to wake you. Last night never happened. Lock up after and keep the key. - and she was gone. I was supposed to drive her. Instead, I saw her two days later and only for a few minutes and we weren't even alone." Grayson slammed his head down in his desk, cringing at the situation, unable to decipher this girl he barely even knew.

"She rocked your world, got scared she might have killed you and decided never to fuck you again. That's what I think happened." Ethan's opinion didn't help. Hell, Grayson hoped it was anything but that.

Their relationship was already the talk of town, their first public outing later that night as the E! Choice Awards nominated the Dolan twins and they were expecting a win. But he wanted to know what to expect with her.

While he was getting ready, Ethan stepped in and opened the front door as she came in, all glammed up, her dress with her assistant who came along.

"Can we talk?" Ethan asked, a little serious which definitely didn't seem like him from what she could tell.

"Sure." She smiled, giving a small nod to her crew to leave them alone.

"You know." She deadpanned, aware how Grayson always said he and Ethan had no secrets between them. She also wondered how long will she be able to go on without them realizing she knows them a little too well for someone they've never met.

"Look, he's my brother and I love him, but his heart is in his penis and his brain in his chest and his head is just a bunch of butterflies and rainbows and unicorns. I get that your heart isn't in your vagina and having sex with him probably meant nothing, but he falls in love with every girl that smiles back at him and thinks he's found a soulmate in every girl who cares for him. Just, don't play with his feelings, okay?" Ethan's words left her speechless, he could tell just by a gentle flush of her cheeks that showed through her make up. He stunned her into silence.

"That wasn't my intention. I promise I'll be professional from now on. I wasn't quite in my right mind that night, so have no worry." She flashed a weak smile, passing by him as she got into the bathroom, getting dressed as well. But that's not what Ethan wanted. He expected her to admit she's into Grayson, or that she wanted something real, but she simply brushed it off and he knew Grayson will definitely be hurt by that.

Finally dressed, Y/N had walked to the middle of the hall, meeting a very handsome looking Grayson Dolan.

"Don't you look dashing in that suit!" She complimented, noticing the older Dolan come into view as well. "Both of you look incredibly handsome." She smiled widely, clicking her heels before dropping her gaze, realizing she's top excited and they might see through her.

"And you look stunning." Grayson smiled, reaching out and grasping her hand in his. He had never seen her all dolled up before. Well, not in real life. He didn’t believe she could get anymore beautiful, but oh, how wrong he was.

"I - uh, wanted to ask if you're free this weekend?" Grayson's shy attitude and shaky hand alerted her, but she remained ambivalent, her eyes losing the warmth from just a moment ago as she looked up at Grayson, trying not to remember how heavenly he looked under her - because he looked like pure porn in her mind, even fully dressed as he is now.

"Actually, I have to go to Paris." She excused, pressing her lips together in a form of a silent apology, her fingertips dancing along his palm as she hoped to withdraw her hand, but his tightened grip didn't allow it.

"That's what I wanted to ask you about. Louis Vuitton invited Ethan and me to attend and do a few photos and since you're supposed to be my girl, I thought to invite you." Grayson tilts his head right, his sort brown eyes doing much more damage to her than a thousand knives to a heart.

"Me too. So, lose the puppy dog eyes cause I guess we're attending together. Good chance to get to know each other before we get a few interviews in line." And while she didn't want to turn it into a business deal, the trip something that genuinely mattered to her, she had to find a way to explain why her finger twitched when her heart skipped a beat.

"Your hand isn't as cold anymore." Grayson remarked, quietly, almost as a whisper.

"When fire and ice meet, ice usually loses the battle." She shrugged, raising her eyebrow before nodding over her team to file out, opening the limousine she had rented for the three.

"We're going in style then?" Ethan fist bumped Grayson, happily sitting inside, screaming loudly in his excitement.

"You're gonna spoil him." Grayson fought to keep a smile at bay, glancing at her from the corner of his eye only to find her looking up at him.

"Gotta create some good memories for the children." And whether she knew it or not, the statement went straight to his heart. Grayson’s mind instantly crafted a picture perfect family for the two, shaking his head to stop himself from going overboard.

“Coming?” Y/N smiled, looking back at the gentle giant she tried hard not to let into her heart, wondering if she can do it when even at a few days mark, Grayson made her head spin.

“Yeah.” Grayson bit his lower lip, trying not to think about her asking him the same in bed, just a little differently with a sultry tone and hooded eyes and lot less clothes.

The drive was pleasant, Ethan and Grayson bickering about the Halloween decorations Y/N found ever so present this time around, their home looking more like a haunted house than an actual house. But she didn’t mind, simply watching out the window as she hoped she could put her mind at ease and get through the night without hiccups.

“We’re here.” Grayson’s warm hand on top of hers had brought her back to reality, the flashing lights already going off even with the limousine door unopened, her stomach knotting into an anxious mess as she accepted Grayson’s hand and let him lead her out.

A Dolan at either side, Y/N felt like the Belle of the ball. She couldn’t help but smile proudly, even a little victoriously as the crowd screamed as they passed the red carpet together, taking a few photos alone with Grayson as requested by a few photographers.

She was very aware of his arm around her as it pulled her close, his hand on her hip, giving it a light squeeze. He’d lean into her, his lips pressing a tender kiss to her temple, making her tingle with anticipation of something more - something she said she wouldn’t do again.

But then he spun her into his chest, her hand pressing against it as she looked up, finding his face rather near, inches away as his peppermint breath caused her eyes to water.

“And here’s the hottest couple in town!” Giuliana Rancic welcomed them after finishing up with Ethan, ecstatic to be the first to speak to them since they’ve been spotted together.

“Your dress is to die for!” She added and Grayson used the opportunity to help Y/N twirl, showing off all the best parts of her truly breathtaking look.

“Good to see you, Mercy. We’ve been missing you.” Giuliana continued. “And on the arm of such a handsome man. Tell us how you two met.”She pushed the microphone toward Grayson who looked like he’d throw up any moment now, despite his dapper smile. Y/N steered the microphone toward herself, deciding to save him as she actually had a story to sell.

“Well, after Ellen had gotten me to choose this hunk as someone I’d date, I found him in my Instagram messages the same night.” Y/N blushed, looking back at Grayson who just nodded, his hand on her hip giving more than just a reassuring squeeze - he held onto her for support.

“And she ignored me for days.” Grayson adds, chuckling.

“But he was persistent and well...look at him!” Y/N pointed at her date, giggling. “I was quite happy there was such a beautiful soul inside an Apollo as him. I genuinely didn’t expect to find someone who would have my heart a few hours into the first date.” Y/N wasn’t lying...not really. She was worried he had won her over and she was resisting him with every fibre of her being. Not that she had much strength to begin with after the public masacre she endured.

“You had me before we even met.” Grayson pecked her cheek, pulling her into his side as Giuliana gushed how perfect they seem to be and how she expects to be invited to the wedding.

Finally inside, Y/N had introduced the twins to dozens of people, all capable of furthering their career when the time comes. Grayson was patient with her, not bringing up their night, but he was on the edge - itching to say something - anything.

And he did...right after he and his brother had been called to the stage as winners for Social Star award.

“And I also want to thank my beautiful girlfriend for bearing with me and the crazy filming schedule Ethan puts me on - for giving me amazing days and...memorable nights.” With a wink, the two waved goodbye, leaving the stage as Y/N stood up and went backstage as well.

“What the hell was that?” She whisper shouted, stopping Grayson backstage, her eyes set alight with fury and mixed feelings about his insinuation. Sure, a rational part of her knew it was a good, strategic move on his behalf, one that ensures their lie can continue, but the irrational part - one she had frozen to death in her head and in her heart, the one that’s been hurt time and time again and had left her in shambles for letting people in too easily, for being too naive...that part of her wanted to scream at the man before her.

“I can’t pretend it didn’t mean anything. Angel, I can’t.” Grayson sighed deeply, feeling his chest constrict under her heavy glare.

“You need to learn to. This is a business transaction, remember? Nothing else. Sooner you get it through your thick head, the better.” She poked his chest angirly, huffing as she went to the bathroom to calm down. The rest of the night she was poise and composure, picture of elegance - as was he...no one could see his broken heart and hurt ego.

“You okay, bro?” Ethan checked in with him before bed, noticing he’s zoned out, mind elsewhere.

“I can’t do this, E. This is too much.” Grayson ran a hand through his hair, licking his lips.

“You can either accept her words or try and find a way to change her mind. I don’t think she’s the type to sleep with someone she just met and yet, she slept with you. There’s more to it, but I also think you should ignore it. She’s a mess - a beautiful mess, sure, but broken beyond repair. Probably best to just do your duty and get that audition and forget her.” Ethan reasoned, his words harsh but ringing truth.

But Grayson knew it would be impossible. Two days later, he’d be in Paris with her and while she was the main cause behind his throbbing headache and aching heart, she was also the one girl he believed would be perfect for him. And yes, he had thought so about a couple more before she came along, but this time was different - he felt it in every cell his body is comprised of, down to the twenty-one grams of soul he was given. He couldn’t give her up.

“If she’s a mess, I’ll help her clean it up and if she’s broken, I’ll fix her. She’s real and she’s a very complicated girl, but I want to know her. You’re the one who said nothing could go wrong.”

Ethan simply shrugged, deciding to let him be because he did say that and he didn’t want to admit he’s wrong for he underestimated Y/N and her charm and her ever enchanting nature. “It’s your funeral, bro.”

Tags: @xalayx @dolandolll @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @anything-dolan @peacedolantwins @maybgrayson @nowheredolan @graydolan12 @beautorigin @justordinaryjen @starrydolan @pitreshawn @grays-laugh

[the-wordweaver]

The townhouse's black front door was opened by a man with a thin face, pinched nose, and limp brown hair. He wore a black suit, a blue silk vest and a white cravat. 

"Mr. Plinth, I presume," Corander said, tipping his hat. "A pleasure to meet you in person."

"As this is our first time seeing each other in person," Plinth said in a dull tone, "it would follow that we have never met at all."

"On the contrary, Mr. Plinth," Corander replied brightly, "I am of the opinion that reading what a man has written is a way of meeting him, purely on the level of the mind. But we could argue the point all day; won't you let us come in?" 

For a moment I believed that Mr. Plinth would not, though he had in fact asked for us to come. But he stepped aside and opened the door wide for us to enter. The townhouse's foyer was a long narrow hall with a tall ceiling, and the walls were lined with doors leading off to unknown rooms. In the farthest corner of the room a slender staircase rose up to the second floor, disappearing around a corner. 

"As you will recall from my letter, gentlemen," Plinth said, and then cleared his throat. "That is, ladies and...er, mister and miss....umm..."

"Inspectors," I said. I had encountered enough men who gave the same reaction as this that I had no qualms about correcting him. It was better than dealing with the boorish pigs who would pitch a fit when a woman stepped through their door in the role of an investigator.

"Miss Leefort is my partner in investigation," Corander explained smoothly. "We will work together to solve your problem, Mr. Plinth." The man looked askance at us---at me particularly---as if he doubted we could get anything done together. "Yes, of course. Anyway, as you recall from my letter, I've had peculiar incidents occurring in my house." 

"Yes, I remember the letter," Corander said. "But won't you please explain it once more?" 

"About three months ago," Plinth began, "I started to notice things going missing in my house. Just small things: a silver spoon, an old candlestick, an inkwell. My maid and serving man also told me that small items were missing. We searched for them but found nothing. I was perplexed, because none of the items were very valuable, so it would be strange that a thief would go to the trouble of breaking in and stealing them. I suspect that the maid might be culpable; she's always been shifty and she continually asks for a pay raise to feed some illegitimate child she's got stashed away somewhere. Since I consistently refuse to pay her more for such a cause, she likely decided to start taking things that she believed I wouldn't miss, so that she could sell them." 

"Why would your maid tell you of missing items in your house if she had stolen them herself?" I asked. 

"To cover her tracks, of course," Mr. Plinth sniffed. 

"But that was not the whole of your letter, I believe," said Corander. "Was there not more?" 

"Yes. Two days ago, all the items that went missing were returned to my house," Plinth said. "All of them, put exactly in the places where they belonged. And they weren't replicas, either; I have a photographic memory and they were all precisely the same items." 

"Interesting," Corander mused in a tone that, I had come to learn, meant he was not interested at all. "And what is your theory as to the reason for this bizarre occurrence?" 

"I think the maid felt guilty, or surmised that I suspected her," Plinth sneered. "She must have decided return everything she'd stolen before I confronted her and sacked her. I still fully intend to, of course. However, as I do not wish to be thought of as an unfair man, I thought it best to ask you and your...assistant...to investigate the matter for me before I make any final decision." 

"Very prudent of you, my good man," Corander intoned blandly, giving a slight bow. "Now, to begin our investigation, my assistant and I would like to see all the items that were pilfered and then returned." 

Plinth nodded and gestured for us to follow him. Corander pressed my arm and we fell back to walking a few feet behind the man of the house.

"Tell me you don't buy the rubbish about the house maid," I murmured. 

"Of course not," Corander said. "Mr. Plinth is clearly hiding something, although whether it's directly related to his immediate little puzzle remains to be seen. Depend upon it: we will try our best to discover what Master Plinth is so keen to keep hidden."

 Mr. Plinth first led us to a small room with blue walls and dark wood paneling. It seemed a peculiar chamber, as its function was not immediately clear to me. On one wall sat a desk covered with papers, and next to it a matching bookcase filled with books. And yet I was not inclined to call it a study, because along another wall there also sat a sideboard such as for storing china and linens, and in the center of the room was a small dining table. Both were laid with white lace runners and silver candlesticks. Four place settings sat around the table, as if it were ready for a full dinner party, but with barely enough room to pull a chair out and sit. It seemed an odd arrangement; surely one of the many doors in this impressive house must lead to a chamber better suited for at least one of the multiple purposes this room seemed to serve?

 A serving man stood at the sideboard, polishing some silver pieces. At his side was a very small girl in a flowing white nightgown. When Corander and I entered behind Mr. Plinth, she turned to look at us. I was immediately struck by her features; her skin was pale and her hair was long and blonde like white gold. She watched us with big blue eyes and smiled with soft pink lips. Overall her fair complexion, slightness of figure, and delicacy of feature gave the impression of an angel. But I recognized her right away. She was no divine creature; she was my sister!

At once my brain clamored in alarm. How could she be related to me? Her blonde hair and delicate face were the exact opposite of my own black locks and heavy brow. In fact, I was sure I had never seen this child before in my life. And yet somehow in my bones I was still convinced that she was my sibling.

I glanced at Corander, hoping he would have some explanation, but if he noticed my state of distress he did not acknowledge it.

"This is where I first noticed something missing," Mr. Plinth said. He pointed to the lace runner on the sideboard. "This was the first thing taken from my house." Plinth walked crossed the room to it. At his approach the serving man turned, and Mr. Plinth gently pushed him out of the way, planting his fingertips on the man's chest. Five red spots appeared on the servant’s white shirt. Mr. Plinth removed his hand, and the spots grew rapidly. They were wounds, bleeding rapidly and profusely! Mr. Plinth continued talking as if nothing were amiss, and indeed the servant himself seemed not to notice his injuries. He gathered up his silver and exited the room with unruffled composure, oblivious to the blood stains blossoming on his chest.

"Can you tell us any of the particulars regarding this piece of lacework?" Corander asked. He stepped aside and let the bleeding servant glide past him uncontested. 

Plinth nodded. "This lace runner is nothing special; my sister bought it some years ago. It's a cheap sample, made with mediocre skill. The style isn't even in fashion anymore. I understand a poor lady's interest in lacework and other delicate furnishings, but there's no reason why my housekeeper would want to steal this. Not as far as I can see." 

Corander came over and closely inspected the lace runner with his magnifying glass. When he straightened he simply gave a noncommittal grunt. Plinth, clearly dissatisfied with Corander's methods, cleared his throat. "Let's move on, shall we?" He placed a hand on the golden head of my little sister. "Excuse us, my dear. Sorry, but I can't play right now. I have to help the nice detective and his lady friend look around the house." She merely blinked her big eyes at him. He patted her head and walked back to the door. Corander followed. 

I stayed still, watching the girl. She stared after Mr. Plinth. A red droplet dripped down her forehead like a bead of perspiration. 

And then I saw her skull begin to crack.

 A scream clogged my throat but would not manifest. The little girl -- no, not just a little girl, my sister --  stood there placidly, seemingly unaware of her condition. I slowly moved around the table to approach her; she turned to follow my movements, until we were standing face to face. Blood was dripping down her forehead from the crack in her skull, violently red against her porcelain skin, but she calmly looked up at me with her wide blue eyes. They were neither questioning nor accusatory, just vaguely curious.

I opened my mouth to say something to her, or perhaps call to Corander for help, but before I could utter a sound my little sister dropped to the floor like a sack of flour, as if her legs had been swept out from under her. She lay there sprawled on the floor, and now her eyes were blank and vacant. They were empty eyes, and now I knew that she was most certainly dead.

"Corander!" I finally managed to shout. "Corander, help!" I looked back down at the little girl. Her hair had vanished, and her bare skull was exposed like a cracked eggshell. Bubbles began to hiss and fizz across her scalp. My mouth was filling with chalky powder. I tried again to scream once more, but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. Blood was pooling on the floor around the dissolving skull, slipping outward until it touched the toes of my boots. 

Finally Corander appeared in the doorway. "What's the problem?" he asked me. 

My mouth would not move; I could not speak. I could not even tear my eyes from the sight on the floor before me. Now the powder in my mouth was bubbling and fizzing. The little girl's face was melting away, disappearing into a pool of blood and bubbles. Corander did not seem to take notice of the atrocity on the floor.

Something began to push itself into my mouth, forcing its way up and out of my throat. I could feel it between my tongue and my pallet. It was soft and slimy, only about the size of a kidney bean, and it rolled around in a solid mass. I wanted to shout, to scream, but I could not open my mouth. Before me, the little girl's skull was almost fully dissolved, with very little left to make her recognizable. A horrific realization overtook me. My God, her brain, her brain! What else could possibly be in my mouth? My throat constricted and my stomach heaved within me. The only urge in my body was to expel the repulsive thing. I wretched and forced my mouth to open, and spat the foul package out. It landed with a splash in the pool of blood, and looked like a yolk that had spilled out of a cracked egg. The dissolving reaction of the poor little girl's skull had slowed to an impotent sizzle, and all that was left of her head was half of her delicate mouth and single glassy eye, staring up at nothing.

 As if some levee had broken, tears began to stream down my face. I still could make no sound; I merely stared down at the tragedy on the floor, hands reaching to grasp yet not daring to touch. The room smelled like rotten eggs. From the doorway, Corander's stern glance dragged my attention away from the remains of the little girl.

 "Come, Miss Leefort," he said. "We're here on a job, we've no time to dither." He turned and left me. And what choice did I have but to follow?

[storm-driver]

Hi! Do you have any writing tips for Roxas and Ventus? :D

I am about to bash heads in with this, you might wanna sit down.

I’m known to be particularly brutal when it comes to analysis and judgement of others’ works, so asking for my advice might lead to me being very harsh about it. I also just typed up a bit of shit and one misclick on my keyboard deleted literally all of and I’m PISSED the fuck off at Tumblr for not having an AUTO SAVE FEATURE ON POSTS. But whatever here we go

I’d qualify this as a character’s study, because that’s honestly what I’m doing. I’m gonna cite to you my character studies for Roxas and Ventus. I’ve spent literal days analyzing their archetypes and who they are as people. And all I’m gonna do is cite it. Below the cut because oof I got a LOT TO SAY

Ventus is one character I see people get half right and half wrong in their fan works. Many characterize him as a bubbly and upbeat, naive child with hardly a copious sense of what it means to be the kind of child warrior that he is. A Mary Sue, to use a term. And to an extent, Ventus can seem very Mary-Sue-like, being such a young person and such a caring and, at times, gullible child.

In the story of BBS, we see Ventus progress through the worlds in search of his friend, deliberately defying his Master’s wishes in the process. When he finds out one of his friends, Aqua, was only out looking for them to drag them home, he called her an awful person. From the moment he met Vanitas, he was flat out rude (though with reason).

Point being, even if Ventus’ heart is literally made from pure light, he is not a pure person. He makes mistakes. He has choices he regrets. He’s not happy with everything that’s ever happened. He has his dislikes, things that make him uncomfortable, things that he hates. He’s not a saint. He’s not without flaws. So in my honest opinion, he cannot be written without them.

One of Ven’s most defining character traits is his personality being a near polar opposite of Roxas’, the character whom he most resembles. Ventus is upbeat, he’s outgoing, he wants to see new places and meet new people. He wants to protect those people and he wants to call them his friends. And sometimes, that’s his downfall.

His overtly strong care for Terra, as his brother-in-training, led him to defy his Master and go out on his own. This led to Ven going about and protecting people from the “monsters” (Unversed) that plagued all the worlds. A good outcome, yes, but it led to Ven’s doubts about who Terra was and what he was capable of. And that led to a falling out in their friendship. To a point where Ven was so hurt by Terra not letting him come on the journey, Ven kept going just to find new friends. A hint of jealousy.

As the series has progressed, though, we find Ventus is acting a bit more mature after he woke up in KH3. When Aqua started to feel down that Terra was still missing, Ventus held his Wayfinder to the stars and assured her that they would be able to bring him home. A role reversal that showed how much Ven has grown as a person, given that it was usually Aqua, one of the most mature characters in the series, who would support Ven in his times of need.

All in all, Ventus remains a very kind-hearted person who I’d hope is still eager to make new friends. Though he’s matured just enough to realize that the world may be a bit more complicated than the black and white views that Eraqus taught him. I.E. When he told Vanitas that he didn’t ask to be split away, that their split didn’t define them. And you can visibly see Ventus get upset when Vanitas insists that all he is capable of being is darkness.

It’s such a strong sign of maturity that Ven also calmly accepts Vanitas’ answer. He doesn’t try to fight it like Sora does. He’s aware that he can’t change what some people think, and he just needs to live with it. Giving up on an argument, especially with someone as stubborn as Vanitas has shown to be, is an insanely strong sign of maturity that not a lot of characters show with such a collected grasp on the situation. Ventus knew exactly what he was saying. And that’s amazing growth from when he tried to argue with Terra and Aqua in BBS.

I would say he’s a kind person. Still a bit childish around the edges, as he’s shown he’s capable of being. But he isn’t quite a child anymore. He knows what he’s supposed to be, what Vanitas is supposed to be, and how this development affects him as a person. He’s very mature for his age, but still very caring. And maybe just a little naive.

Roxas, on the other hand, might feel like a polar opposite.

Consider first that Roxas is just over a year old. He’s almost as close as you can get to an infant in this series, besides the literal children Sora, Riku and Kairi from BBS. He probably doesn’t have a fantastic grasp on even the most simple concepts like gender or friendship. That second one should most especially be true to Roxas.

Something I tend to see people do very wrong when writing Roxas is making him emotionally driven by nothing but sheer anger. Yes, Roxas’ most defining trait is his remarkable ability to dual-wield, something he learned through the unbridled rage of watching his best friend die in his arms. But think about why he’s angry first and you start to unveil who Roxas really is.

First and foremost, he’s a tragedy of a character. Everything about his existence is tragic and leaves the viewer with strong pity and condolences for Roxas. He even pities himself and the fate he’s forced to face by end of KH2. Why, though, is it all so tragic? How come Roxas’ story hurts more than, say, Riku’s or Aqua’s?

Part of it comes back to Roxas being born a literal blank slate. He had no grasp on reality for an entire week after he was born. No sense of purpose, what was right and wrong, self-preservation or care for other things. He needed to be taught what all of that meant, and it was only after he made the mistake of following Xemnas and joining the Organization. It’s akin to a child being adopted and immediately put to work for the efforts of the homeowners. The child knows no better than to do so. Especially for Roxas, who has literally no memories or cohesion of who he is.

Furthermore, the person who taught him what it was to be alive, to be friends with others and to experience joy, ended up betraying his trust and flat-out lying to him for most of the time that they were friends. Axel may not have enjoyed lying to Roxas, but the point being that he did. And it gave Roxas trust issues from that point onward.

Now that’s not to say that Roxas isn’t capable of liking other people. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. We know that Roxas wants to be friends with others. In a way, it mimics Ventus’ wishes to make new friends, and maybe even has some deeper meaning to it. (We do know that Ventus’ heart was with Roxas for some time, so who knows, maybe it was overflow?) We know for a fact that Roxas would’ve liked very much to be friends with some kids he saw in Twilight Town. There’s even a point in the manga where Roxas says that he was jealous of their friendship.

Now I also wouldn’t put it past Roxas to be a little cold towards people. For someone who’s gone through as much tragedy as he has, he has a right to be cold. But it’s not like it was every random stranger’s fault that he had such a shitty start to his life. Roxas has shown he’s capable of being compassionate and kind to others, even to people he doesn’t know too well. I know the Roxas we met in the data Twilight Town wasn’t exactly genuine, but the little mini-games you did during his segment? Just proof that, if Roxas didn’t have his Hell of a life at the constant front, maybe he could’ve lived a bit more calmly. Been a helpful person around town and just an overall calm and chill person.

Of course, he probably has his gripes. I think he’d be playful and teasing with his friends. Maybe give Riku a cold look for that time he stole the munny pouch. Stare at Ventus oddly for a few seconds before realizing that it wasn’t a mirror he was looking at. But he wouldn’t be 99% anger and 1% “ice cream!” Everything Roxas has gone through doesn’t lead directly to rage mode 24/7, despite how much we as a community joke about it.

Roxas is a compassionate and loving person, but because of his numerous trust issues in the past, he might hold some friends closer than others. He can be nice to anyone he wants to, but only so few people know what Roxas is really like. He has a playful side, but he’s also capable of being very aggressive, stubborn-willed, and flat rude when he wants to be. He might even have a bit of a temper problem. But that doesn’t define him. He is Roxas, nobody else.

[readersguidetotheuniverse]

Beach Read, by Emily Henry

Beach Read was a ridiculously well written view on the tragedy of losing one’s father and dealing with a very well-kept secret.

Cover-content

Alicia: Okay, so let’s start with the name. How delusional of me was it to expect an actual beach and people reading in it? Also, the cover does not help at all to make you think you’ve got another thing coming. I don’t think this cover fully represents the concept of the book, to be honest. I mean, spoiler alert, they do read in a beach. At the very last chapter! If you have to read the whole book for the cover to make sense, maybe it’s not the right cover.

Ariadna: I found it quite misleading. I expected sand, sunscreen and ice lollies, but it turned out to be… a lake. A bit underwhelming (the cover, not the book). A romance novel coming out in May, expected to be a Beach Read. Ok, marketing team, we see what you did there!

Marina: I expected a summer romance on a beach in, say, Florida and got an enemies-to-lovers on a lake. I get that they live right on the beach (lake-shore more like) but they barely spend any time (reading or otherwise) there except for the last chapter when they read each other’s books. I guess they must have chosen it because of the title.

Past- vs. Present-January

Alicia: In my opinion, past January was a bit too naive for her own good. She sees the world through rose-colored glasses and that’s okay while you’re young, but at some point you have to grow up and see that life is not that simple. Happy endings don’t just happen to everyone. Not everyone has the luck to have good supportive parents, a career in something you love, loving partners or friends… people are a spectrum and sometimes you just lie there in the grey middle and that’s just how it is. Now, I think the change in January’s ‘personality’, or just her way of interacting with the world, is simply the consequence of life hitting you with the worse it’s got. She has not only lost two of the most pivotal people in her life, she has also found out that she has kind of been living a lie, and also she’s stuck in her career and money is starting to run low. That changes you whether you like it or not. And even though I would not wish that suffering and pain to anyone, I think she really needed it to finally grow and find herself.

Ariadna: Me being a single, unemployed, 28yo romantic booknerd born in January whose father died a bit more than a year ago, January’s description in the first chapter felt almost like a personal attack. Overcoming her emotional turmoil post her father’s death, all the doubts, the anger, the sadness… Imho, all that makes the new January much more plausible character-wise than the “rose-colored glasses” Janie from before. I really liked her evolving through the chapters into a less naive, more realistic and emotionally intelligent adult.

Marina: Even January says it during those first few chapters: she was living in her head, a life that could be but never was. I can only imagine what it would have been like had she not lost her father or never discovered his affair. Then again, she was wound to find out eventually as he writes in one of his letters. This “new January”, as she keeps calling herself, to me is a medium point between the January that believed her life to be a romance novel and the January that knows her life is not perfect and that’s ok. Throughout the book January explores herself, the character development is there, though subtle.

The families

Alicia: It was a bit hard for me to relate to January’s family issues. The same way I don’t believe in perfect love stories, I also don’t believe in perfect families, so the fact that January’s family is represented as such a perfect unit just makes it a bit too unreal for me. And I don’t need a cheating husband, which felt a bit too shoehorned in the story, to know that it just couldn’t be that good. It’s definitely a ‘too perfect to be true’ kind of situation that only really happens in novels. And I know romance novels are labeled as ‘fiction’, and this is not supposed to be an accurate depiction of any real family. But still this kind of perfect people with perfect relationships makes me not connect as much to the story or characters, ’cause I don’t believe in perfect anything. Gus’ family, on the other hand, seems painfully real, damaged, abusive,… which is not nice. But family is not always nice.

Ariadna: Even though both Janie’s and Gus’ family stories are crucial to the plot, both “alive” families seemed too artificial to me, put there by the author just to help move the plot forward, as could have been any other character. I felt the relationship between January and her mother could have been explored a great deal more, and it would have helped her make sense of her father’s secret without the deus-ex-machina in shape of letters. Gus’ aunt and her wife felt a bit neglected to me too. I understand the journey of mutual understanding and openness between the two main characters, but I think Pete’s big mouth could have been a greater catalyst for the big fight… which actually wasn’t either. Too random, too vanilla for my taste.

Marina: Can I just start by saying I think it would have been way more realistic if the author had introduced more interactions between January and her mother and Gus and his aunts. The reader barely gets any context on what’s going on with January’s mother. She is also a grieving person and I feel like the author centers too much attention on January’s feelings about being betrayed by her mother and too little time exploring how to deal with those emotions, or how THEY dealt with those emotions.

The romance

Alicia: I’m about 0 percent romantic. I don’t like romance. I don’t believe in it. I believe in love but not fairytale romance. So I am always a bit dubious when I read romance novels ’cause it just doesn’t seem realistic to me. And this was a beautiful love story, there’s no denying that. And I’m a sucker for an enemies-to-lovers story. But this one in particular felt, maybe, too cliché? Maybe. For starters, what was the chance of her moving next door to her college enemy? This is the US we’re talking about. Over 300 million people. My scepticism was too strong for this. Cliché #1. Then, turns out, he loved her basically from the get go. She thought he hated her so she ‘hated’ him as well but they had been ‘thirsty’ for each other the whole time.. The ‘I look at them all the time but they never looks back at me’ type of thing. #2. Then little clichés all over the place. Confessions and kissing in the pouring rain. Notes through the window Taylor Swift style (I did love this a lot to be honest). Letting her go because she is too pure for this world and he doesn’t deserve her… Anyway, this book kind of failed at making me believe in romance, but still made me root for them and their love story which is a lot.

Ariadna: Maybe I’m a bit cynical –which I am, why lie– but I found the romance between January and Gus to be a bit forced, for the sake of the plot. Nemesis turned lovers, both writers, both living next to each other, both developing feelings the second they see each other… I think it would have been nice to use the family stories, the secrets and subplots, to make them connect more, and not fall in love because they already fancied each other but because they really came to understand the other in depth and fell in love with that “new” version of them.

Marina: Not going to complain about this, enemies-to-lovers is one of my favourite tropes in romance fiction. Though at times it felt like reading YA, not Adult Romance because January acts a bit like a teenager at times. For example, when she hides from Gus at the bookstore. And ALL THE DRAMA, by God, the drama! That reads YA through and through. But, oh well, if there weren’t drama it wouldn’t be a romantic novel, would it? Even though the romance is a bit weird, to be honest. The reader knows from the beginning that January is halfway in love with Gus and that’s not really an enemies-to-lover theme, is it? I would have liked it more if January actually despised the guy and then, slowly, came to the realization that “oh, this guy is not so bad!”.

Light & dark personalities

Alicia: There is this part of the novel that especially resonated with me, in which Gus describes his parents as a black hole and a bright light. It took me a moment to digest this ‘scene’. First ’cause I think the concepts of black hole and bright light as types of personality are really good metaphors and I was a bit wowed. Second because I sometimes see me as a black hole myself, and this hit too close to home. It made me reconsider some aspects of myself I do not like very much. I have doubted myself and my relationships with other people one too many times because of this. And seeing a character go through the same process and describe himself in a way I can see myself in, it was hard. I have bright lights in my life and day after day I think ‘one day they’ll get tired of me, one day their light will outshine me forever’. This book, in some way, made me feel seen and understood. And somehow that made me feel better. Gus sees himself as a black hole, but I could definitely see the light in him. January is a bright light but I could definitely see the darkness in her. This book gave me hope that it is possible to find someone that sees my darkness and doesn’t reject me for it, but finds light in it. I’ll hold onto it.

Ariadna: At first, I identified with January because of all she was going through. But as soon as I saw her “real” personality, all rosy and bubbly and outgoing, I fell out of love with the character (see above). However, it hit right in the heart when Gus opened up about his feelings, specially about how he felt about himself. I’ve personally felt like a black hole so many times in my life that, well, I literally cried while reading that. I think that passage is what really made me root for the love story and specifically for Gus. It made him much more realistic than “early-thirties-crisis” Janie, and I love how Emily worked their story and developed both characters to the point where they realise that “bright light” and “black hole” coexist in a person, but don’t actually define them, as a sign of emotional maturity and a glimpse of hope for those who feel lost and broken. Repeat after me, those feelings do not define us!

Marina: When January first started telling her story I saw her anger. Not just towards her parents but the world she had had to survive in. Those first chapters shaped her to be almost embarrassed to have felt that way. I think growing up and seeing how much her parents loved each other and then to suddenly discover that her dad had been cheating on her mother the whole time must have been a huge shake to her world-view. Emily Henry made a wonderful job describing the reticence of losing that last part of your loved ones, the last thing you have that belonged to them. Meanwhile, there’s Gus: a morally grey character who failed at showing his emotions towards January when they were younger because of the way he was brought up. And this brings me back to what I was saying about the families: there’s not a whole lot of background even if at the same time you get parts of their lives before they met.

Overall

Alicia: It is a pretty good novel. It was definitely enjoyable, relatable, funny, dorky… It’s not a novel you have to take seriously word by word. But at the same time it does touch some dark topics and it can be a bit painful to read at times. It surely was a bit overwhelming to me at some points. But I think the tougher themes and the lighter ones are well balanced, and these darker topics give the story a depth that many romance novels do not have. I liked it quite a lot.

Ariadna: At first, I identified with January because of all she was going through. But as soon as I saw her “real” personality, all rosy and bubbly and outgoing, I fell out of love with the character (see above). However, it hit right in the heart when Gus opened up about his feelings, specially about how he felt about himself. I’ve personally felt like a black hole so many times in my life that, well, I literally cried while reading that. I think that passage is what really made me root for the love story and specifically for Gus. It made him much more realistic than “early-thirties-crisis” Janie, and I love how Emily worked their story and developed both characters to the point where they realise that “bright light” and “black hole” coexist in a person, but don’t actually define them, as a sign of emotional maturity and a glimpse of hope for those who feel lost and broken. Repeat after me, those feelings do not define us!

Marina: Would recommend exactly for what the title says: as a beach read. It’s funny, it’s light and you can easily read it in a couple of days while sunbathing and/or drinking your favorite cocktail!

[bidisasterforzutara]

Why Stomco >>>>> Jantom

I’d like to preface this by saying that if any of you guys genuinely like Janna and Tom as a couple, That’s great! I find them adorable platonically, and tbh if they would’ve had more development, I’d probably ship them too. I’ve just been noticing a very large amount of jantom fan art within the past few months and I’d like to offer my own opinion as to why they just don’t work.

First off, Janna does not care for Tom romantically, and vice versa. Janna was clearly using him throughout Junkin’ Janna and the two generally do not have any chemistry. There aren’t even any subtle hints between them; they don’t blush or act nervous around each other. With Star and Marco however, Tom has such a strong bond with these two that it’s undeniable how much they love each other. His relationship with them are much more developed, and he knows both of them so well, unlike Janna. Just consider Tom’s entire sweet history with star, and how they literally made magic emerge from the ground when the dance together, or how he basically poured his heart out to Marco and called him his best friend, and their adorable duets. And of course, when the 3 of them hug, it doesn’t take much to see that these 3 love and value each other more than everything. And Janna and Tom just... don’t have this connection. I’ve heard some arguments about them both liking the occult, but honestly, this is not a sufficient reason to declare them soulmates. And honestly, Janna isn’t the type of character that’s fit to be in a serious relationship, at least not atm (her random, very brief relationship with the skeleton proved that).

Second, I feel like most jantom fans ship them solely for the fact that they don’t interfere with starco, which is very sad. People should ship characters because of their special relationship and because they'd work so well; not because they allow another ship to happen.

I understand that, unfortunately, many fans probably aren’t willing to accept poly ships or still believe that Star can only be with Marco and that Tom absolutely NEEDS to be with Janna bc of this, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Tom has such a pure, loving relationship with his two best friends. They complete each other.

Again, I’m not insulting the ship or anyone who likes them as a couple. I think it’s nice to have genuine reasons for shipping certain characters and I’m glad you can appreciate them when I can’t. But overall, while many fans like to believe that Tom ends up with Janna post finale, I believe my stomco bubble is equally as valid, and I’m perfectly content to live in it 💖💖

[mobius-prime]

159. Sonic Super Special #15

Welcome to the final Sonic Super Special ever! Here's my opinion on it. Past Super Specials have ranged from okay to amazing, depending on the writer and the subject matter, and their long length has usually, if you ask me, worked in their favor, as it meant more time and space to tell a compelling story. This is not true of this one. Unfortunately, the last super special of the comic is utterly awful, with two stories that do absolutely nothing to grip my attention, one of which ends in a status quo with a net gain of absolutely nothing, and the other of which is cringeworthy and isn't even very clear on when, where or how it takes place. Let's just get this over with, shall we?

Naugus Games

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Many Hands Colors: Josh and Aimeee Ray

This first story is far, far longer than it has any right to be - it really feels like they were trying to find ways to pad it out it to take up the full 48 pages of the special. Furthermore, you might notice some oddities about the credits above. First of all, Aimee's name is misspelled with three E's for both stories for some reason, indicating some lazy copy-and-pasting as well as a lack of care from the editors. Even more frustratingly, no one is actually credited directly for the pencils (or inks), with the art instead just being credited to "many hands." Remember how I said the comic was getting annoyingly bad about properly crediting people? Now, in case you're confused, there's not just some artist out there literally named Many Hands; instead, that's the comic's way of sidestepping actually bothering to credit any individuals for their work. It just means "eh, a lot of people worked on this I guess, but we don't care enough to actually tell you who." Unfortunately, unlike a few issues ago where the art style was immediately recognizable as Steven Butler's, the art style for this story is foreign to me, suggesting they got some people who weren't their usual artists to work on this one, so I can't even take an educated guess here. All I know is that both the art style in general and the quality of the inks are very poor, and as we'll see, the art gets unforgivably lazy at times. Perhaps best of all, this story was later retconned into a much more interesting and concise version of itself at a later date, with better storytelling and artwork to boot. The only reason, then, that I'm covering it at all, is honestly as a demonstration of just how lazy the comic could get at times, as well as due to the fact that this is the first appearance of "Many Hands," who later pencilled one other issue for the comic that was of equally poor quality.

So this story takes place at an unspecified time in the recent past. It seems to be sometime after Eggman's return, judging by some of the lines of dialogue within the story, but the actual timeframe is pretty vague. Sonic has returned to the Southern Tundra to pay his respects to Eddy, recalling how Eddy sacrificed himself when he, Tails, and Nate all fought Naugus here some time ago. He's brought a single rose to lay on the site of the wreckage, but the ground isn't quite stable…

And here we have the first instance of a truly terrible art decision. Sonic falls into a pitch black cave system, but instead of representing this with maybe one page max of blackness or darker lighting, we're treated to nearly four pages straight of nothing but this:

He blindly stumbles around for a while, informing us of this fact through dialogue bubbles because everyone knows that telling is better than showing in fiction, right? He finally hits a wall and sees a glow through a crack in it, so he tunnels his way into the next room only to find it full of glowing rings - apparently, either he, Tails and Naugus somehow didn't use up all the rings when they fought, or these one have just auto-generated themselves somehow down here. Sonic recalls memories of the previous battle when Nate sealed Naugus away with a wish from a ring, and then decides to try to use one to get out of the cave system.

Wonderful! Apparently, a "wish" as defined by the magic of the rings just means that you think of someone's name while touching a ring, and so with a flash, Naugus is back from his imprisonment in the zone that Nate sealed him into! But how is this possible?

That explanation makes… basically no sense, dude. Naugus was definitely sealed away in another zone, he didn't just get turned into a pile of telepathic rings. But whatever. He and Sonic start battling it out, and somehow make it outside, where Naugus conjures up a snowstorm that consistently stays centered on Sonic no matter where he runs. Time for the second awful art choice of the issue - now instead of four pages of pure blackness, we get six whole pages of this:

I think the best thing about this is that the blizzard backgrounds are clearly not even hand drawn like the rest of the comic is - there's only two types of snowflakes up there, and they're consistently just copied and pasted in that same repetitive swirl pattern on every single page. I get that drawing for a big story in a super special like this can be long and tedious work, but this is why you don't try to find a way to artificially elongate a story like this which could easily be told in the span of a normal issue length. It just ends up making the audience feel like their time is being wasted. Anyway, the blizzard finally ends when Sonic pulls out a ring from his jacket and wishes for Naugus to be sealed away in his previous zone once more, and thus, Naugus is out of our hair again, with absolutely nothing to show for it. Man, if it's this easy to defeat people in this universe, why hasn't anyone tried this on Eggman yet?

Sonic then leaves back for home, thinking one last time of Eddy, who is shown looking down on him from the heavens above. And thank god that story is over.

Sonic Spin City

Writer/Pencils: Michael Gallagher Colors: Josh and Aimeee Ray

Michael Gallagher, over the course of the comics, has gone from one of the series' main writers to basically a guest writer who's brought on every once in a while for special occasions. In this case, he even makes his return as a penciller! Unfortunately, his goofy writing style has begun to clash with the much more serious plots of these later issues, and this story is no exception. It's entirely unclear about whether we're supposed to take this story as actual canon, as a story from an alternate zone, or as just a silly joke story that doesn’t mean anything - and while I tend to try to avoid looking at non-canon materials in this review series (I've already skipped a few stories and issues for exactly this reason), the ambiguity of this one forces me to cover it. In addition, I don't even know why Josh and "Aimeee" were credited as colorists for this story, considering the entire thing is black and white with no color to be found.

Much like the first story of StH#52, this story has the flair of an old detective serial. Sonic is wandering the streets on a rainy night when two swatbots ambush him. Of course, two swatbots are no match.

What does a swatbot need matches for? Eh, whatever. Sonic races over to Rusty's, a hangout for abandoned badniks, and orders himself a "chili dog float," which in addition to sounding absolutely disgusting doesn't even seem like something a bar for robots would serve in the first place. As he takes his seat, the lights go out, and… this abomination emerges onto the stage.

Yes. The badniks are going wild for a swatbot with tits dancing seductively on a stage for them. What is she gonna do, plug them into a wall outlet? They even start screaming out for "the stretch," and appear to get even hornier as she massively elongates her legs for them. I mean, just, what? I swear, Michael, if we get one more weird borderline-sex thing like this from you in this comic, my eyes are gonna pop out of my head like Natsuki. A bot grabs the dancer's ankle, and she's thrown off balance and crashes down, with the head popping off to reveal that underneath, it's Bunnie in disguise.

You know, after her claim all those issues back that she's a "sax cymbal," I'm not even gonna contest the idea that she'd do a sexy dance during infiltration for a mission. Hell, I get the impression she'd do one anyway just for fun back in Knothole if she got the chance. You might also notice her arm is the arm from her old design, and that coupled with Sonic's own design seems to indicate that if this took place at all in actual canon, it was before Eggman's return, though I'm immensely skeptical that this is supposed to be canon at all. Sonic and Bunnie take out the rest of Rusty's customer base, and then evacuate before the last swatbot activates its self-destruct chip, blowing the place sky high. Congratulations, nothing important was accomplished in this issue and nobody cares!

It's kinda sad that the final Sonic Super Special turned out to be so low-quality, honestly. However, this marks a bit of a turning point in the comic. For the first time in its entire run, from now on, there are no more special issues, no sister series, no miniseries, nothing. From the next issue, all the way to almost the 200th, with one exception in the form of a Free Comic Book Day issue, there are absolutely no interruptions from issue to issue. While this may not seem too notable at first, since we've just been reading everything in mostly-chronological order anyway, keep in mind that as far as the comic is concerned we're still in the year 2000, with a mere seven years having passed from the beginning of the comic all the way to now over the course of 159 issues. Over the course of the next 106 issues, we're going to blaze through nine years of comic history, meaning that the story is going to flow a lot faster, with more plot points being covered in a shorter amount of time. While this does make the order of issues a lot easier to follow, since there's no questions about which issue fits in where or anything, I am sad to see all the special issues go, as I quite enjoyed how they served to break up the flow of the comic as a whole with special stories and side content. Though we're still in the middle of our current plot era, we're entering into a new era of the comic as a whole, where we've got a straight shot through the next hundred issues. So I say - let's do it to it!