#i'm so goddamned tired of being told i don't know what i want or understand what i'm demanding

[insipid-drivel]

Sigh. Another day of firing potential OBGYNs for preferring to save my uterus instead of my life.

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[unclewaynemunson]

Pt2 of the badly kept secrets of Eddie's heart monitor

After the first two weeks, Steve seems to have suddenly decided to stop visiting Eddie. No explanation, no goodbye: one day he's there, and then he... Isn't. It takes a few days, sometimes, Steve has a life of his own after all, but a whole week goes by with nothing. And another one. Eddie only knows he's alive – and in town – because the others told him when he asked. Maybe Steve's gotten tired of being surrounded by all that hospital sterility. Or maybe he's gotten tired of being around Eddie. Or maybe... Eddie groans and takes up a stare-down with the fucking heart monitor that's still attached to him at all times, his biggest enemy.

Unfortunately, he has way too much time on his hands, alone in this room and unable to do anything but lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. It makes it far too easy to let his thoughts spiral. Maybe – no, probably, certainly, undoubtedly – that goddamn heart monitor was the ideal help for Steve to decipher Eddie's biggest secret without any difficulties.

Yes, that must be the reason why Steve is staying away. Sure, the guy could tolerate being around “the freak” for a few hours a week out of pity, but of course he wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore upon finding out exactly what kind of freaky thoughts he really has about Steve. Steve was polite enough to pretend like he didn't notice the heart monitor speeding up every single time he got in Eddie's proximity, but of course, of course he noticed. He noticed and now he hates Eddie.

And honestly? He has every right to hate Eddie, with the way Eddie has been exploiting every opportunity to get Steve to touch him. Even though he'd regret it right away whenever the heart monitor couldn't shut the fuck up, Eddie never learned from his mistakes. He was even stupid enough to find meaning in the way Steve's touch would linger after helping him lie down or sit up, stupid enough to find tenderness in the way Steve held his arms when helping him out of his bed and to the bathroom. Obviously, Steve never wanted any of that. Obviously, that only made Steve uncomfortable, but the poor guy was too polite to lash out to the dude chained to a hospital bed healing from having all his organs chewed inside out.

Eddie sighs and closes his eyes; not because he wants to sleep, but because the staring contest with the heart monitor isn't really getting him anywhere. Maybe it's for the best that Steve is staying away. That way, Eddie might be able to get over him more easily. He doesn't deserve Steve's friendship anyway.

***

“I wanna visit Eddie today.”

“Alright, have fun,” Steve answers. “Tell him I said hi.”

Robin sighs dramatically. “No, dingus, you're coming with me. I need a ride.”

“No!” It comes out of his mouth a little too quick, a little too loud, and Robin raises her eyebrows at him.

“No, I can't,” he explains in a calmer voice.

Robin raises her eyebrows even further, making them disappear beneath her bangs altogether. “You literally just told me you don't have plans after work.”

“Yeah, but...” He lets his voice fade out and settles on muttering something incomprehensible.

“I did not understand one single word of what you were saying,” Robin points out. She sounds annoyed, but there's a vaguely amused smile playing around her lips, betraying how she really feels about the whole thing. “Seriously, what's up with you and Eddie? Did you have a fight or something?”

“No...”

“Until two weeks ago, you were at the hospital basically every spare minute of your time. You even canceled two dates just so you could spend more time with Eddie! And now, all of a sudden, you'd rather spend your evening on your own at home watching TV than visit your friend?”

“He's not my friend,” Steve protests.

She gives him a punch against his shoulder.

“Okay, I'm pretty sure he hates me, Rob.” Steve finally caves in. “He gets, like, very uncomfortable whenever I'm around. And I don't wanna add to his discomfort any more than necessary, so it's better I stay away from him.”

“Well, I don't know what on earth gave you that idea, but that is by far the biggest load of bullcrap I heard all week,” Robin says matter-of-factly. “He's asked about you every single time I visited him. He'll be happy to see you, dingus, you're coming with me today. No excuses.”

***

Like clockwork, the steady beeping of the heart monitor falters as soon as Eddie locks eyes with Steve. To make things even worse, what little color that is on Eddie's cheeks leaves his face immediately.

Despite the paleness of Eddie's face, Steve can't help but notice how good he looks in comparison to when he last saw him two weeks ago. He's sitting straight up, leaning against a pillow, and the look in his eyes is far from drowsy.

“S-Steve,” Eddie stutters out. “Hi.” He clears his throat. “And – and Robin, of course, hi! Good to see ya, Buck.” He stretches out his arms to embrace her, and Steve awkwardly comes up behind her. It feels weird not to follow Robin's example and give him a hug, but when he bows over the bed and wraps his arms around Eddie, the beeping immediately picks up speed again. To make things even worse, Eddie quite literally recoils from his touch, leaning away as far as possible and letting his arms hover in the air around Steve more than actually hugging him back.

When Steve looks at Robin, he notices that her eyes have grown about twice their normal size while they flash back and forth between Eddie, the machines around his bed, and Steve.

He locks eyes with her and tries to silently convey a See, I told you so about Eddie resenting him. She answers with a barely visible nod and relief fills Steve's chest. He's lucky to have Robin right by his side, his best friend, the one person he can always count on understanding him. She'll get them out of here in no time and leave Eddie in peace and –

“Oh shoot, sorry, I forgot I need to get a, um, a thing from the car,” Robin says. “I'll be right back.”

As she stumbles out of the room, Steve wants to scream at her that that was very much the opposite of what he wanted her to do, but she disappears before he can do anything about it, only leaving an awkward silence in her wake. So Steve has no choice but to turn back to Eddie and take his familiar place in the chair beside his bed.

“I kinda didn't expect to see you anymore.” Eddie is the one to break the silence. He sounds more distant than the last time Steve saw him. It must be worse than Steve thought: Eddie had been happy to be rid of him and now here he is again, after a meager two weeks of peace.

“Sorry,” Steve mumbles. “She insisted I come with her.”

“So you didn't wanna come?”

Steve chuckles darkly at the irony in that question, not really knowing how to answer that.

“Alright, I'm just gonna say it,” says Eddie when it becomes clear that Steve doesn't quite know what to say. “You figured out what I – how I felt about you, didn't you? Cause of the heart thing.”

Steve looks away, stares intently at the ugly dark blue linoleum carpet under his feet.

“Yeah,” he quietly confesses. There's no use denying it now, he figures.

Eddie heaves out a long sigh.

“For what it's worth: I'm really sorry, Steve, I didn't mean to make you-”

“It's fine,” Steve quickly interrupts him. He doesn't think he could bear Eddie's pity right now. “Don't worry about it. I just wanted to give you some space, y'know, get outta your hair for a bit. I didn't want to make this any more painful for you than it has to be.”

“Really?”

The heart monitor stutters again and Eddie's voice sounds weirdly strained. Steve can't help but look up. He's met with big brown eyes that are looking at him like Eddie actually cares about him. For a moment, Steve imagines to see tears, but then Eddie blinks and the illusion is gone.

“I um... I appreciate that, man,” Eddie says.

Another awkward silence dawns over the room.

“Wait,” Eddie says after a few seconds. “So you're not angry?”

“No!” Steve immediately replies – and it's true. He understands why Eddie doesn't like being around him, that too much has happened in the past for them to just move on and hold hands or some shit.

“It's not your fault,” he tells Eddie. He looks away again, back to the floor in front of his sneakers. “If it's anyone's fault, it's mine, right?”

Eddie huffs out a sound of disbelief. “Why, cause you're just too damn sexy, Harrington?”

Steve frowns. “Well, no, cause I was an asshole and I was mean to your friends during all of high school and it's stupid of me to expect you to just get over that shit and-”

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

There's that stutter in the heart monitor again. It makes Steve wonder if he's putting Eddie's health at risk by simply existing next to him. Maybe it would be better to leave Eddie alone and wait in the car until Robin is done with her visit. What the hell is taking her so long anyway?

He keeps his eyes stubbornly focused on the blue floor. “Isn't that why you got so uncomfortable having me around?” he points out. “Look, I get it, man. I was an asshole, it's true. And it was selfish of me to keep showing up here only because you were too polite to say to my face what you thought about me. I was only thinking about myself and about how much I liked being here with you, it wasn't fair.”

All of a sudden, the soft touch of a hand lands on his shoulder. He hates how that makes his own heart speed up. If he were the one attached to a heart monitor, Eddie would've seen right through him in an instant, that's for sure.

He looks up and meets Eddie's wide-eyed, somewhat shocked face.

“You - you thought you were making me uncomfortable?” Eddie asks him, sounding like he's completely gobsmacked.

Steve frowns. “Isn't that what we've been talking about for the past five minutes?”

“Steve,” Eddie says. “I am so sorry. I didn't – I never – Look. Listen.” He removes his hand from Steve's shoulder and roughly wipes it over his face. His heart monitor accelerates even further. “Please don't hate me for what I'm about to tell you, okay?” He doesn't wait for a reaction, only uses his pause to take a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again and looking right into Steve's.

“I'm gay, Steve. And that evil computer over there-” He points towards the heart monitor, “-keeps betraying my big, fat, gay crush on you. Every time you walk in here, or read my book to me, or do so much as smile at me, I just – God, I'm such a goner for you and there was no hiding it because of that stupid fucking thing.”

This time, Steve is quite sure he is not at all imagining the tears in Eddie's eyes.

“I thought that's why you stopped visiting. Cause you figured out how gay I am – about you – and you didn't want anything to do with that. With me. Being gay. For you.”

Eddie swallows. He lifts a hand and pulls a strand of hair over his face in a poor attempt to hide the truly terrified expression that's all over his features.

“Jesus, Eddie,” Steve breathes out. He can't even begin to comprehend how spectacularly wrong he has been about everything. It's almost like he's in shock. Only a minute ago, he thought Eddie despised him. And now, he has to process the revelation that the guy in fact has had a crush on him – a “big, fat, gay crush” – all along. That the reason his heart was behaving so weirdly was because Steve's proximity made him lovesick. That he recoiled from Steve's touches out of fear that the monitor would give him away and make Steve realize he was gay and in love with him.

“Please say something?” It sounds like a question, small and so afraid of what is about to come.

“Eddie, I – Jesus. This is... A lot. To process,” Steve manages to choke out.

“I know,” Eddie says. “I'm sorry I made you think I hated you. But... Please don't hate me. I really missed you visiting. We can be friends, right? You won't even have to touch me ever again, we can just hang out like bros, and I'll try to get my feelings for you under control, and you can-”

Steve finally gains control over his body again: he leaps forward and presses his lips against Eddie's with slightly more force than he had meant to do.

A surprised yelp escapes from Eddie's mouth, and the beeping of the heart monitor goes even crazier. It makes Steve's own heart do a goddamn cartwheel, that audible proof of what he is making Eddie feel.

He completely understands why the heart monitor is going batshit crazy right now; everything about this is fucking amazing. One of his hands finds its way to Eddie's surprisingly soft hair, and he revels in the feeling of touching Eddie again and in the taste of Eddie's lips against his own, and maybe he should just climb into Eddie's bed to–

“Thank God for that.”

They quickly jump apart to find Robin standing in the doorway, an annoyingly smug grin on her face.

“You two could really not be more stupid if you tried, huh?”

Steve squints at her while his hand blindly finds Eddie's on top of the sheets and curls itself around it. He feels his cheeks heat up, but he doesn't care. Nothing matters anymore, except for Eddie's hand warmly resting in his own.

“Did you even need anything from the car at all?” he asks Robin, raising an eyebrow at her.

“No, of course not,” Robin scoffs. “Just needed you idiots to finally get your shit together. I don't think I've ever met anyone more dense than the two of you, seriously! There were at least three moments when I almost barged in here to just smash your faces tog-”

“You were eavesdropping on us?!”

“Obviously.”

Steve opens his mouth, indignant and ready to tell her exactly how mean and evil she is, but she merely raises a hand and the look in her eyes is terrifying enough to shut him up before he has even started speaking.

“Hey, listen,” she says. Something in her face softens. “I'm really happy for you guys. Seriously, no matter how stupid you are, you two deserve every bit of happiness in the world.” She takes a step backwards towards the door. “I'll go wait in the car, dingus. Go kiss each other some more.”

And before Steve or Eddie can say anything, she winks and closes the door behind her.

Taglist: @estrellami-1 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @saramelaniemoon @lololol-1234 @carlajim98 @7-starboi @acedorerryn @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @zoeweee @resident-gay-bitch @my2amgaythoughts @didntwant2come @steveshairspray @noodle-shenaniganery @thedragonsaunt @finntheehumaneater @queerriotgrrrl @co5m0 @dino-nuggets-posts

[lees-chaotic-brain]

For your recent event can I request

Blue Ocean and #2

Thank you

Three Little Words (Gojo x Reader)

CW: rejection, blood, slight spoilers for the jjk movie, implied past satosugu i guess, mutual pining, reader is female, implied death, brief mentions of blood, mentions of injury

Event Masterlist | Event Guide | JJK Masterlist | Blog Navigation

"Sorry, not interested."

Three little words. Three little words was all it took to shatter your heart.

You had spent the last three years of your life trying to track down the person attached to the other end of your soulmate thread.

All that time spent hoping. All that time spent daydreaming about what he would be like, only for this.

For you to meet him because he was your new coworker, and fellow teacher at Jujutsu Tech. For him to reject you upon first sight.

You hadn't even spoken a word yet. All it took was him glancing at the red ribbon connecting the two of you for him to shut you down.

Your mind went blank. There was no way you heard him correctly, right...?

"What?"

"I'm not interested."

He stated casually, as if he was just commenting on the weather.

"You-You don't even know my name yet!"

With all logic having flown out the window, this was the best you could come up with.

"Oh, you're right. What's your name?"

Stupefied, you told him.

"That's pretty. Anyways, it's not you, it's me."

Taking your blank gaze as understanding, he perked up.

"My name's Gojo Satoru. I hope we can be friends!"

With an enthusiastic handshake, he was off, leaving you standing in shock, unsure of what just happened.

Reaching up and touching your cheek, you were surprised to find that it was wet.

Huh, that was strange. When did you start crying?

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Days turned to weeks turned to months.

At first, things were a little awkward between you and your soulmate.

You were hurt, angry and confused. But the more time you spent with him, the more those feelings ebbed away, his presence a balm that soothed all your hurts and insecurities.

Why. Why did he have to reject you? Why did he have to be so insufferable? Why did he have to be so goddamn attractive? Why did he have to be aware that he was so goddamn attractive?

Why couldn't he send you any clear signals?

One day he was playfully calling you his 'best bud' while the two of you played pranks on Nanami or got into mischief.

And the next he was tenderly cupping your cheek and running his thumb over the dark bags under your eyes; concern evident on his face as he quietly asked if you were doing okay, and telling you to take a break.

And if he really wasn't interested, why didn't he officially break the soulmate bond? Why did he change the subject every time you tried to bring it up?

It was driving you insane. You were falling for him. And hard. But the echo of his words replayed in your head every time you considered broaching the subject.

You didn't know what to do.

So you did the only thing you could; you kept it professional. After all, the two of you were coworkers, nothing more, nothing less.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Gojo was tired of just being your coworker.

He wanted more. Had wanted more from the moment he laid eyes on your breathtaking face.

Sure, it had broken a visceral part of him to reject you, but if it was to keep you safe, he would do it a million times over.

However, no matter how much he told himself he couldn't be with you, that he had to officially sever the soulmate bond, he couldn't bring himself to officially break the tie that made the two of you soulmates.

The more time he spent with you, the more time he got to spend with you, the harder he fell.

He had never felt like this towards anyone. The only person that had ever come close before this had been Suguru, but his relationship with him had been soured by the fact that they both knew Gojo's soulmate was out there.

But when you were in his life, his entire world lit up. Everything was brighter and more vibrant. He felt like you saw him for Satoru, the man he was, instead of the burdens fate and Jujutsu society had placed upon his shoulders.

So selfishly he had kept the soulmate bond intact.

And now, staring at your mangled form laying before him, the precious blood that belonged in your veins leaking out onto the floor as you struggled to breathe, he remembered.

He remembered why he wasn't allowed to love. Why he had pushed you away.

God, he was so stupid to think that Suguru wouldn't go after you. He was so stupid for believing that his friend wasn't irredeemable.

And his stupidity and selfishness could very well cost you your life.

"You never change, do you."

Only then did Gojo realize that he had been speaking aloud, voicing his inner turmoil as the two people he cared for most lay dying before him.

Suguru coughed, wincing as the motion aggravated his injuries.

"You say that she's injured because you selfishly clung to your soulmate bond, right?"

"What are you implying Suguru?"

Gojo asked, weariness and heartbreak in his voice as he applied pressure to your injuries. He couldn't take you to get help until he took care of Suguru, but he wanted to give his former best friend a chance to say his last words.

"What I'm saying is that she got hurt because you were selfish, yes, but not in the way you think you were. You aren't selfish because you refuse to break the bond. You were selfish because you kept your distance. You could've come to her rescue much earlier, but you didn't because doing so would admit that she meant something to you. And you were more comfortable keeping her at a distance, because you didn't want to have to fear losing her."

Suguru sighed, shifting to a more comfortable position.

"You know, I never hated the people at Jujutsu Tech. If she survives, tell her how you really feel. She deserves at least that. And after that, tell her I'm sorry, okay."

Gojo barked a laugh, tears burning the backs of his eyes as a looming sense of grief and apprehension filled him. He knew what he had to do next.

"Okay, I will."

He smiled.

"Wingmanning me till the end. My best friend."

His face softened as he reminisced on better times.

"My one and only."

Suguru returned the smile, and Gojo finished him, gently closing his eyes afterwards.

Standing and wiping the tears from his eyes, he turned and picked you up, before stepping into a new chapter of his life.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

When you woke up, you were greeted by the bright white of the hospital ceiling.

Groaning, you attempted to sit up, only to be stopped by the massive man-child sprawled across your lap.

With a snort, he shot up, disoriented as he rejoined the land of the waking.

Noticing you were awake, he froze, before reaching out and grabbing your hands.

"Can I say something?"

"Right now?"

You asked, a little confused as to what could be so important that he was waiting at your bedside for you to wake up.

"Yes."

His unusually somber tome threw you off.

"Of course. What's the matter?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Um, I'm confused. For what?"

"For rejecting you. This is by no means any excuse, but the last person I was close to abandoned me. I was afraid to let anyone get close to me, but instead of facing my fear, I excused it by telling myself that if I let myself care for you then curses would target you to get to me. So I told myself that it was to protect you instead of acknowledging that I'm selfish coward who was just trying to protect myself-"

"Hold up."

You cut off his rambling, needing a moment to process.

"Are you trying to tell me that you rejected me because you were afraid that in the end I was going to betray you, but you were too emotionally constipated to acknowledge that, so instead you convinced yourself that you were pushing me away for my own protection?"

Downcast he nodded.

"And you're apologizing for that."

"Yes. If I had just protected you by staying by your side, you never would have gotten hurt! The only reason you're in here is because I was too scared to admit that I love you!"

You froze.

"Say it again."

"What."

"What you just said."

Realization dawned on Gojo's face, and his cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink.

"I love you."

He murmured shyly, looking at the comforter.

You leaned forwards and hugged him, burying your head in his chest.

"Again."

You whispered, lips brushing against the fabric of his uniform.

"I love you."

A content smile spread across your face.

"I'm still sorta pissed at you, but you have no idea how happy you just made me."

You said, nuzzling into his shirt.

"I love you too."

He froze in disbelief. There was no way you returned his feelings. He didn't deserve that.

"Do you really forgive me?"

"Mmmm, say it one more time for me."

"I love you."

"Okay I forgive you."

Finally at peace, you basked in the warmth from being in the arms of your soulmate.

Who knew that those three little words were all it took.

Three little words to heal your heart.

Cuddling with soulmate, you knew that you would be okay, as long as he continued to tell you those three little words.

You deep personal reflection was interrupted by Gojo's voice.

"Oh, by the way, Suguru says sorry."

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

[silent-stories]

𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍

Pairing: Eddie x GN!Reader

Summary: Eddie can't sleep and you find out it's because he has to go back to school after his name was cleared.

Warnings: angst, fluff, mention of scars and bullying

Note: everything i write lately feels just so stupid and without any emotion so i don’t really know how to feel about this :')

When you woke up you immediately realized that something had changed, that something was wrong and when you turned around in bed and found an empty space next to you you understood what it was: Eddie was no longer with you.

Eddie, who would be back in school the next day after the Upside Down and after Hopper cleared his name.

The sheet slipped off your body as you got out of bed, you grabbed one of the shirts Eddie had left on a chair, and slipped it on as you walked down the short corridor of his trailer.

You found him sitting in the dark of the kitchen corner and, if it hadn't been for the moonbeams filtering through the window, you probably wouldn't have even seen him.

He was staring at an indefinite point in front of him, as if absorbed in his deepest thoughts.

"Eddie?" you softly asked, walking slowly towards him.

He snapped his head up, relaxing and slightly smiling seeing you. "Hey sweetheart. I woke you up didn't I? The walls are so thin you can hear every little noise here."

When you reached him, stopping in front of him still sitting on the chair, he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around your waist and push you close to him, between his legs.

"It's not because you made noise, Teddie. My boy wasn't next to me anymore, I could feel it."

He rested his head on your chest for a moment. "I'm sorry." He murmured then.

"Don't be. What woke you up?"

"Fear." His voice was shaky.

"Fear of what?" You reached out a hand, rubbing his shoulder and drawing circles with your thumb, as if to calm him down.

"Of going back there." His voice was thin and almost frightened, like a child's afraid to go to the doctor.

"Eddie-"

"Don't tell me everything will be fine, I know it won't. Those people treated me like shit before everything happened, I can't even imagine what they'll do tomorrow when I'll be back at school. Because even if your cop friend told everyone I was innocent, for the rest of the town I'll always be the responsible, the murderer, the freak. They wanted me dead before, now they want it even more." His eyes were watery and his hands on his waist were now gripping the Metallica shirt you'd put on a few minutes before, as if he was afraid you were going to run away, tired of all the problems being with him entailed.

"So please don't tell me everything will be fine, that no one will yell at me when I'll walk down the hallway tomorrow and that I won't find my locker covered in indelible writing and etchings because I know people can be so fucking mean. And I know tomorrow they will be." His tone wasn't angry, he sounded more defeated, and tired.

Your hand on his shoulder gently moved a few inches, finding the base of his neck and continued to gently caress the scarred skin there.

"I'm not saying that."

Eddie tilted his head slightly, like a puppy who doesn't understand what's going on.

"I'm not saying it will be easy. But I'm saying I'll be there with you. I'm saying that I'm going to sit next to you in every class and we'll walk down those goddamn hallways together. You won't be alone, okay?"

There you were again, showing him what it felt like to be cared for. To be loved. Eddie thought he'd never really get used to that.

He slowly stood up, his hands on your waist softly pushing you against him as he wrapped his arms around you. He left a kiss on your hairline before resting his chin on your head and standing there in the middle of the trailer, just holding you.

"I'm just so fucking scared." He mumbled against your hair.

"I know" your hand gently stroked his back. "I'll be with you. We'll be with you and I won't let them hurt you."

Eddie knew that by "we" you meant all of Hellfire and Corroded Coffin as well.

After a few moments he placed his hands on your shoulders to slightly pull you away so that he could see you in the eyes, and then cupped your face with his hands. His thumbs gently ran on your cheeks.

It was weird not feeling the sensation of the rings that he took off just to go to bed against your skin.

"I love you so much, you know that, right?" He asked, now softly smiling at you.

"You tell me that only about a hundred times a day, so I'm not sure yet."

He chuckled and you loved that sound.

You reached up, your thumb carefully traced the outline of his lower lip, engraving the image of him to your heart forever.

His eyes were sparkling in the dark, his skin was lightly illuminated by the moonlight, the scars on his arms and neck looked silver in it and his hair was a total mess but you knew it was one of the softest things you've ever touched in your entire life.

He leaned towards your touch. "I'll say it again then: I love you."

"I live you too." You giggled. "And with that, we should be at hundred and one."

The answer you got was the feeling of his soft lips molding together with yours in a sweer kiss that was somewhere between a way to tell you he loved you and a way to shut you up.

"How about we go back to bed and you try to sleep again?" You asked.

He nodded as your hand slipped into his, as it would every time in the school parking lot until you entered the classroom.

You walked down the corridor again and reached his room.

There, when Eddie rested his head on your stomach and wrapped his arms around you as you ran your fingers through his hair and caressed his back, he thought it didn't matter what happened the next day, what other people said or how they looked at him. You were with him, the Hellfire was with him, his friends, his family was with him and they wouldn't leave him and that was all he really needed.

Tags: @jacklesdeanvessel @morning-sky7 @pipsqueakkitten @navs-bhat @michaelfuckinglangdon

[beanxiv]

NAGI X READER WHEN HE CALLS THEM A PAIN AND THEY GET SAD SO HE COMFORT THEM -🌷 anon

waiting ; nagi seishiro ✩࿐

warnings: hurt/comfort (im so bad at writing hurt/comfort so pretend this is good), petnames, nagi being mean (at the beginning), communication issues :/, established relationship

notes: nagi is definitely the type to bottle in all of his frustration and then take it out on you unintentionally, but its ok i can change him.

wc: 1.9k

"sei, can we watch a movie together?" you sit on one end of the couch while nagi lays on his stomach next to you (feet by your thighs and head facing the opposite arm rest) taking up the rest of the couch. his nose is buried in his phone screen, explosions and other video game sounds blasting from the speaker.

"uhhm, 'kay. lemme finish this round." your boyfriend mumbles, not bothering to look over his shoulder at you.

you sigh, but decide to stay patient. "okay, baby." you fiddle with the tv remote as you wait. when a couple minutes pass you tilt your head to glimpse at nagi's face. "done yet, shiro?"

"no. wait."

you frown, "okay.. but you've been playing for an hour before i asked you to watch a movie and you said you'd finish this round fifteen minutes ago."

"oh, my bad. i accidentally started a new round. i have t'finish the round now, can't pause an online game. just gimme a few more minutes." he still barely acknowledges you, nothing more than a slight shrug of his shoulders.

when another ten minutes pass your patience starts to wear thin. "seishiro, do you want to watch a movie together or—"

"i said wait a few minutes. the round is still goin— ah, fuck! you made me die.." nagi clicks his tongue in annoyance. pushing up off his elbows to sit up and angrily tossing his phone on the carpet. "goddamn, y/n. you're such a pain sometimes."

you blink, an ache building deep in your chest. "what?" you swallow the lump in your throat away. "i asked you if you wanted to watch a movie. you said yes and told me to wait. i waited fifteen minutes and asked again. you told me to wait. i waited again. i stayed patient for thirty minutes. now you're calling me a pain? after barely even looking at me today? you haven't talked to me since you came home from practice three hours ago!" you scoff in spite of yourself, "..really, seishiro. if you wanted space, you could have told me."

you see the weight of nagi's words start to process in his eyes, "shit— i didn't mean that, y/n. wait—"

"i'm tired of waiting, nagi." with that you slide off the couch and walk into your shared bedroom, slamming the door shut before nagi can see tears of frustration threaten to spill over your eyes.

when the door shuts loudly nagi flinches but doesn't move from the couch. he sits there, swearing under his breath and running a hand down his face. "i'm such a fucking idiot.." he wishes he could kick himself for his stupid mouth. the image of your face completely falling into bitter sorrow when he called you a pain replays in his head. regret freezes his veins, and his own heart starts to ache each time your expression fills his brain.

he swears at himself again before jumping off the couch and rushing to your shared bedroom. he hesitates but manages to knock twice on the door.

"y/n, baby. i'm so sorry. please," he chews on his lip. please what? he doesn't even know what he's asking for. please open the door, please forgive me, or please talk to me? he doesn't know. he'll take any option at the moment.

he hears you shuffle to the door and sniff. are you crying? his heart breaks a little bit more at the thought of you hurt because of his idiocy.

"nagi, i meant what i said." you still haven't opened the door. but talking through the wood is better than nothing. "i'm tired of this. it's not the first time this has happened. you've ignored me a lot before. i understand if you want time for yourself, i do too sometimes. but don't tell me you're going to do something with me and not mean it."

"i know, y/n. i'm sorry, i just.." nagi isn't known for his way with words. he's not used to voicing his every thought. but he's willing to make the effort to fix his mistake and make it up to you. "practice sucked today. i was in a shitty mood after and i took it out on you when i shouldn't have."

he hears you sigh. the lock on the door clicks and you pull the door open. nagi searches your face for any indication of your reaction. his heart drops at the sight of your red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

he wants to pull you tight against himself— kiss the hurt away— but he holds himself in place. he doesn't want to push his limits until you completely forgive him.

"why didn't you just tell me? we've been dating for so long now, do you still not feel comfortable enough to tell me things?"

"no! i do. i just— today was so stressful, i just wanted to lock myself up in the house and play games to get my mind off of it. i didn't realize i'd been ignoring you all day, i'm sorry."

you let out a laugh that doesn't quite reach your eyes, "see? nagi, you could have told me all of this hours ago. none of this would have happened." you have a bitter look in your eyes that tells nagi you're still upset. "it would've been that easy. just a simple 'hey, y/n i had a rough day today, and i'm not really in the mood to do anything today.' and i would have respected that and moved on."

he steps forward and takes your hands in his, "angel, i'm sorry. really sorry for calling you a pain. i swear i didn't mean it. it was— i was projecting my frustration onto you when i should have just communicated it and found an output a different way. you're the farthest thing from a pain. you're— you're honestly the reason why i'm living my life," nagi breathes out a laugh. "if it weren't for you my routine would just be wake up, football, games, eat, sleep, repeat. and not only that, you're beautiful, inside and out. and you make me laugh, and you make really good food for me, and you help me take care of choki. actually, not only that— you help me take care of myself too. honestly, i don't know if i could survive without you, y/n. so please, please forgive me, angel."

you chew on your bottom lip, "nagi—"

nagi winces, "and please stop calling me that."

this pulls a ghost of a smile onto your lips which sends a flutter through nagi's heart. you think to yourself for a moment and the smile fades slightly. "seishiro, a relationship works two ways. you know that. for it to work you have to talk to me. tell me everything— if practice went well, tell me. if it was absolute shit, still tell me. if you feel like doing something, tell me. if you don't, tell me again. i didn't start dating you just for the title, sei. i want to be with you. i want to know what makes you happy, what stresses you out— i want to know everything you'll allow me to. in exchange, i'll trust you with my heart too."

nagi presses his lips together in a tight line, "i trust you with everything. you know i do. fuck, i trust you with some things more than i trust myself." nagi sighs through his nose, his eyes a window of rare vulnerability. a window that opened only for you. "i can tell you anything, y/n, i know i can. i just don't know how. it's not something i do. i mean before you moved in with me, i lived alone during high school-- until blue lock-- and i didn't talk to anyone except reo in school. i'm not used to talking about myself and what's on my mind. the only thing i ever spilled my thoughts to was choki— my cactus for fucks sake," nagi laughs dryly. he felt pathetic telling you something so stupid. it reminded him why he kept his heavier thoughts to himself. but...

"well, you have me now. ah, and choki too if it helps," is that a smile? you're smiling— only slightly, but a smile nonetheless.

does that mean you've forgiven him? no... even if you do forgive him, he still owes you a proper apology. he wont let you walk away without it.

"i think you're a better listener than choki," nagi admits. when he expected you to scoff in his face and turn away, you stayed and continued talking with him. "i just took to long to understand that. and i promise to work on it. i'm sorry, angel. i never want to hurt you, i only want to see you happy."

"thank you, 'shiro." you murmur, finally looking up at him. nagi searches your expression for any remnants of pain and he sees none, as soon as he sees the soft look in your eyes he exhales, all of his worry leaving his chest. you smile slightly, squeezing his hand a bit. "i accept your apology. and ill try to be patient too, i understand it takes time to completely share all of your thoughts and feelings, so i won't push if you don't want to tell me anything, but at least tell me that much if you don't feel like talking."

nagi nods, "i will. i promise, i swear i'll work on it. thank you, yn. thank you for forgiving me." he can't help himself anymore, and pulls you snug to his chest, his arms right around your waist as he buries his head into the crook of your neck. "i love tou so much.. i would beat myself up if i lost you because i'm a moron."

you giggle a bit, your hand coming up to card through his hair. "mhm, you are kind of a moron."

"yeah?" nagi chuckles back, sighing softy. you feel his breath fan against your neck and pull him from the crook of your neck to look at him.

"yeah, you are. but as long as we both work on communicating, we'll be okay." a grin tugs at your lips as you look at your boyfriend.

nagi nods, his soft white hair swishing a bit as he does. "i promise t'communicate better, angel. or at least i'll try my best for you."

"and that's all i'm asking for," you murmur, the grin still on your face as you lean towards nagi to plant a kiss on his lips.

nagi returns your kiss before pulling away to look at you, "you wanted t'watch a movie together earlier.. right?"

"are you sure?" you chew on your lip, looking at him with a furrow between your brows that he wants to kiss away. "if you're still not feeling up to it, it's oka-"

"i want to," nagi interrupts, pulling you in by your waist to kiss between your brows. "so let's go cuddle and watch something."

taglist : @astruosie @saesins @dreamlessimp @hanmasdolly

©beanxiv — all rights reserved. copying, reposting, translating, and modifying in any platform or by any means is not allowed.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie had lost a lot of blood. He thought for sure that he was still talking to Dustin. Shit, was the butthead carrying him? When did he get so strong, and did he get taller? Hmm. What the fuck?

"I love you, man," Eddie mumbled as he wondered if he had already told him this.

"You do?" 'Dustin' said in a squeaky voice.

"Wasn't it obvious?" He asked.

"You haven't known me very long," 'Dustin' said.

"Quality over quantity," he said.

"Nancy, you drive. I got him," 'Dustin' said.

"Um, yeah, okay," Nancy said.

Eddie opened his eyes and discovered that he was being held by Steve. Oh, fuck. If he hadn't lost so much blood, he would have freaked out more, but all he did was gasp. Steve held him tightly.

"I think - I think I love you too," Steve blushed.

"What the f - ," Eddie said before his eyes rolled in the back of his head, and he lost consciousness.

The next time he woke up, he was in the hospital with Wayne beside him. He looked tired and ragged. Eddie burst into tears with Wayne as he leaned his forehead against.

"You're okay, son," Wayne whispered.

"I want to tell you everything," Eddie sobbed.

"It's alright, your boy already caught me up," Wayne replied. "We won. Hawkins is safe. You're safe and cleared of all charges."

"My boy?" Eddie asked.

"Steve, he's a good man. Seems like he's good for you. He certainly won't stop gushing about you, and he simply refuses to take off your vest. He claims he doesn't want to lose it," Wayne smirked.

"Steve isn't my boyfriend. I don't like men, although I'm glad you'd be accepting of it if I did," Eddie grinned.

Wayne gave him a look for a moment as if he didn't believe him before sighing and giving him a look of understanding.

"If you say so, but I wouldn't lead the boy on, so let him down gently because I think he might be smitten for you," Wayne said.

Eddie started to argue with him on whether Steve Harrington actually loved him or not when he remembered. His eyes widened.

"It's too late, Uncle Wayne, I already told him I loved him," Eddie said.

"Boy, I thought I you said - " Wayne said.

"I thought I was talking to Dustin! I lost blood!" Eddie exclaimed.

"You mean, the freshman who's five years younger than you?" Wayne asked in disapproval.

"Like a brother, Uncle Wayne! Like a brother!" Eddie said quickly and Wayne sighed in relief.

Suddenly, Steve popped his head in, and his eyes widened when he saw that Eddie was awake. He came all the way into the room, a wide smile on his face. Holy shit, it was like the sun, or were those the pain meds that he was on?

"Eddie, hey!" Steve said, his eyes brighter than ever.

He wore his vest over his polo, and oh, god, he looked good. The pain meds were making him think crazy shit.

"I'll leave you two alone," Wayne said and gave Eddie a look before leaving the room.

"Would it kill you if I gave you a kiss?" Steve asked.

"No," Eddie said with a laugh. "If the demobats couldn't kill me, I don't know why something so sweet would."

Steve practically giggled because, of course, he wasn't thinking of the chocolates like Eddie was. Steve leaned over him and pressed his lips to Eddie's. Eddie's eyes widened, unable to respond, and Steve pulled back with a frown.

"Is something wrong?" Steve asked.

"I thought you meant the chocolate," Eddie whispered.

"Oh, I thought because you said that you loved me that - ," Steve started to say.

"I thought I was talking to Dustin!" Eddie exclaimed, causing Steve’s nose to flare and put his hands on his hips. "Like a brother! LIKE A GODDAMN BROTHER!"

"So, you don't love me. That figures," Steve frowned. "I fall in love too quickly."

"I'm straight. Or, at least, I thought I was. Now, I'm thinking these thoughts where you're the sun and I'm the moon, but we're like together. My brain is all fuzzy, and my tummy. I'm on all sorts of drugs right now, Steve," Eddie said. "I'm pretty sure there's a golden light around you, so I'm not one hundred percent sure you're even real. Can we circle back to this conversation when I'm not high as hell?"

"Sure, Eddie," Steve said softly.

"Just don't give up on me," Eddie mumbled and started drifting off to sleep again, feeling Steve’s lips against his forehead.

"Never."

Eventually, though, when he was sober enough, Eddie became well aware of the conversations he had when he was high. He was mostly healed by now but not totally well enough. Steve and Robin were lounging in his bed on either side of him, arguing over who would win in a fight: Conan or Hopper.

"Conan has a cool sword, no contest!" Robin exclaimed.

"Yeah, but Hopper survived Russia!" Steve exclaimed.

"I don't know, Conan is definitely stronger," Robin said.

"Wait, a minute, Hopper had a sword in Russia," Steve said. "He brought it back with him. It's hanging in his office!"

"Still, Conan," Robin shrugged.

"Wait, a minute, are you doing that thing where you act like you're disagreeing with me, but you actually agree with me?" Steve asked.

"Caught," Robin giggled.

"I hate you," Steve said.

"No, you don't," she sang. "You just think that Hopper would win because you wish he was your dad."

"No, I don't," Steve scoffed.

"Your mustache is looking awfully full," Robin said.

"That doesn't mean anything," he said.

"Yeah, okay, then why do you have a green Hawaiian shirt in your closet?" Robin asked.

"That's just - That's just - alright, fine," Steve muttered. "I do wish he was my dad."

Steve leaned back against the headboard to find Eddie staring at him.

"I love you," Eddie said.

"I thought you were off your pain meds?" Steve asked.

"I am, I had time to think about things," Eddie said. "Decidedly not straight and definitely in love with you. Do you still - ?"

"I still," Steve said breathlessly.

"Do you guys want me to leave?" Robin asked.

Eddie and Steve ignored her as their lips crashed together. Robin let out a strangled yell as she tried to move away.

"PLEASE, DON'T MAKE OUT AGAINST MY BACK!"

Robin finally slithered out of the bed, almost falling on the floor. She strolled out of the bedroom.

"If you hurt my best friend, I'll take your other nipple!" Robin called cheerfully.

"Would she?" Eddie asked, breaking the kiss, wincing.

"Yeah, she almost got me a couple of times," Steve said. "She's got the pinching skills of a lobster."

"Oh my God. Steve, Hopper's out here, and he says he wants to adopt you! Aww, he's got matching shirts for both of you," Robin called out.

Steve pulled away from Eddie and went to jump out of the bed when Eddie grabbed him.

"Be strong, baby, she's fucking with you," Eddie said. "She just wants you to take her to the music store to get that new tape. Don't do it."

"Oh, there's a time limit on the offer. It's going. . .going. . .going," Robin said.

Steve pulled himself out Eddie's grip before running into the living room.

"He was never here, was he?" Steve’s voice came from the living room.

"Now that you're up, can you take me to the music store?" Robin asked.

"Goddamnit!" Steve exclaimed.

Eddie face planted onto the bed, laughing as he plotted his revenge. He was going to get her back when it was her time with Vickie. And despite the fact that Robin is a pain in the ass, Eddie loved her too. As much as Steve, in fact, loved her platonically. And if Robin was Steve’s platonic soulmate, then she was Eddie's soul sister. How many times was Eddie himself as much of a menace to Wayne as Robin was to Steve?

[password-door-lock]

“Don't you ever get tired, boss?” You ask, peering over Unknown's shoulder at his screen.

He turns around to scowl at you. Yes, of course he gets fucking tired. That's by no means something he's proud of, and it's by no means something he wants to hear you prattling on about. Unknown has discovered that he likes having you around— it's nice to have someone to talk to, and even better that you're usually able to entertain him, at least to some degree— but he could do without the constant questions. You always want to know what he's working on (which is classified), what you can do to help (nothing whatsoever, unless you're sitting on a bunch of useful skills that have somehow managed to escape Unknown’s notice thus far), and, worst of all, how he's feeling (which is none of your goddamn business, actually). Unknown has no interest in anything even remotely resembling a conversation about emotions with you, let alone one about his physical state. 

“Hm,” he says eventually, not caring how you interpret the sound. It's none of his business how you interpret things, at least as long as you're keeping those interpretations to yourself and staying out of trouble.

“Then you should sleep,” you suggest, “I'm sure that it'll help you work better.”

“Oh, is that so?” Unknown hums, still not looking up from his screen— truth be told, he's barely listening to you. He couldn't care less what you think about his methods, though that certainly doesn't stop you from peppering him with moral qualms and concerns about his health under these working conditions— as if Unknown has any control over that, anyway. Why do you want to make him feel so powerless? Can't you just stay securely under his thumb and let him go about his business? 

“Yeah,” you reply, “It is. If you're tired, you should sleep. That’s kind of, like, basic knowledge 101, you know?”

“I can't sleep, prince(ss),” Unknown grits out. He’s annoyed that this is even a discussion. 

“Oh, you mean you can’t fall asleep?” You ask, probably trying to be helpful. Normally, Unknown wouldn't give a shit about anybody's intentions but his own or his Savior's... however, lately, he's begun to pick up on the fact that people can mean very well while somehow managing to remain insufferably annoying. He wouldn't have thought that this combination was possible until he met you— you should be proud of yourself, Unknown supposes, though not too proud— that would be a bit much. “Then that might be because of all the monitors. Maybe you’d be able to rest better if you turned a couple of them off.” 

“No,” he growls before you can give him another useless suggestion. Just because Unknown understands your motivations doesn't mean he's going to entertain any more nonsense from you. After all, he's your boss, not your friend— and honestly, boss isn't the term he originally would have selected, but it would be too much of a hassle to change anything now that you seem married to the idea. “I can't sleep unless that redhead sleeps, get it? He’ll attack and undo all my progress while I’m wasting time in dreamland.” And if that redhead is sleeping, then Unknown isn't going to sleep, either, because it'll give him an opportunity to get a leg up. If he rests only when his exhaustible body forces him to do so, then eventually, he’ll arrive at his revenge. 

“Well, if you're not sleeping, I'm not sleeping,” you declare, “And if you think I'm annoying now, you're just gonna love me when I'm sleep deprived.”

Unknown rolls his eyes at your sheer audacity. “Aw, do you think you're being clever?” He coos. “You can't control me that easily, assistant.” Lately, Unknown has gotten into the habit of calling you by your title as if it were a pet name of some kind. He likes the reaction that it gets from you, though he doesn’t understand it— if you’re so proud to be his assistant, then why do you constantly question him? Can’t you just leave well enough alone? 

“I’m just showing you how ridiculous and stubborn you’re being, boss. What are you gonna do about it?” You ask.

You’re challenging him, trusting that he’ll humor you as you test him in a vain attempt to prove a really useless point. Unknown isn’t sure why you couldn’t have applied this determination to chatting with the RFA, or at least going into that apartment. Maybe you would have been happier there, with people who would accept and embrace your affection and concern. But there’s no point in thinking about that now— you’re stuck with Unknown, and for all intents and purposes, he is equally stuck with you. 

Unknown just rolls his eyes at you again. Honestly, maybe he is starting to get tired, if you've managed to get under his skin so easily— but it doesn't matter whether he's tired or not. Unknown will get his work done regardless of his physical condition, and you should get that through your head as soon as possible. “You're gonna go lay down on the couch and shut your mouth,” he intones, “Or else I'll send you to your room, and you can stay there alone. How does that sound, cutie?”

Even if you insist on staying awake to prove some useless point to him, eventually, you’ll drift off if you’re laying there not doing anything. That way, Unknown won’t have to worry about you while he’s working— of course, he isn’t at all concerned with your well being, he reminds himself. He just doesn’t want to have to waste time thinking about what kind of trouble you might be causing behind the scenes. 

“Wow, so cruel,” you pretend to lament with a pouting expression as you throw yourself onto the couch. You’re just joking, of course— you don’t actually think that about him. If you did, you wouldn't be able to say it so flippantly. You’re convinced that he’s a good person somewhere deep down, but Unknown might very well be cruel— no, scratch that. He knows for a fact that he's a bad guy to his core, a monster in every sense of the word. Unknown is by no means a nice person, but he knows how to get what he wants. That’s got to count for something, right? “But just promise me you’ll rest eventually, okay?” Your concern is evident in your voice, even if you try to hide it behind that playful tone. 

“Mhm. Maybe I’ll be able to rest when my assistant isn’t causing me so many problems,” he hums. It’s best to just humor you, to keep you from wasting time worrying when you could be helping Unknown with his revenge. Besides, he’s not even really lying— he’ll have to sleep eventually. No matter how many times he pushes his body to its limits, it never seems to get any stronger or better at staying awake when he needs it to.  “But if you want to stay with me, then you should start being quiet now.”

You don't respond, and for his part, Unknown counts it as a win.

[intomusings]

﹒﹒  guts   sentence   starters    !

my  brain  goes  ahhh  !  guts by olivia rodrigo just dropped and it's been on repeat  in my household .  olivia rodrigo  can do no wrong in my opinion and i  realized  that  the  lyrics  make  for  some  perfect  sentence  starters  —  so  under  the  cut  you’ll  find  a  bunch  of  heart  wrenching  and angsty one  liners  .  if  u  found  this  useful  ,  feel  free  to  like  or  reblog  to  boost  this  .

﹒﹒  all - american bitch  :

" i feel for your every little issue , i know just what you mean .. "

" you know me , i forgive and i forget .. "

" i got what you can't resist "

" i know my place and this is it "

﹒﹒  bad idea right?  :

" haven't heard from you in a couple of months .. "

" i'm out right now and i'm all fucked up "

" i know we're done , i know we're through but god when i look at you .. "

" seeing you tonight , it's a bad idea , right ?

" i know that he's my ex but can't two people reconnect ? "

" i only see him as a friend .. "

" i know i should stop but i can't . "

" i'm sure i've seen much hotter men but i really can't remember when "

﹒﹒  vampire  :

" i loved you truly "

" i've made some real big mistakes but you make the worst one look fine "

" i used to think i was smart but you made me look so naive "

" every girl i ever talked to told me you were bad news "

" you called them crazy god i hate the way i called them crazy too ! "

" you're so convincing , how do you lie without flinching ? "

" can't figure out how you do it and god knows i never will "

" you said it was true love .. "

" you can't love anyone cause that would mean you had a heart "

" i tried to help you out , now i know that i can't . "

" how you think is the kind of thing i'll never understand "

﹒﹒  lacy  :

" did i ever tell you i'm not doing well ? "

" i see you everywhere .. "

" i'm losing it lately . "

" well aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist ? "

" my stomach's all in knots "

" you got the one thing that i want "

" it's like you're made of angel dust "

" it's like you're out to get me "

" you poison every little thing that i do "

" i just loathe you lately "

﹒﹒  ballad of a homeschooled girl  :

" i don't think i get along with anyone .. "

" i guess i should go .. "

" i told secrets i shouldn't tell . "

" i made it weird , i made it worse . "

" oh god , what did i say ? "

﹒﹒  making the bed  :

" i thought it so i said it "

" sometimes i feel like i don't wanna be where i am "

" i'm so tired of being the girl that i am "

" i'm playing the victim so well in my head "

" i got the things i wanted , it's just not what i imagined "

﹒﹒  logical  :

" god , you're so good at what you do . "

" i'd put myself through hell for you "

" hear all the rumors lately that you always denied "

" you convinced me , it was all in my mind "

" changing you is possible .. "

" i'm sure that girl is really your friend "

" our problems are all solvable "

" why do i do this ? "

" i know i'm half responsible and that makes me feel horrible "

" i know i could've stopped it all .. "

﹒﹒  get him back!  :

" i met a guy in the summer .. "

" i wanna get him back "

" i wanna make him really jealous "

" i really miss him and it makes me real sad "

" i miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh "

" i am my fathers daughter so maybe i could fix him "

" i wanna key his car "

" i wanna break his heart "

﹒﹒  love is embarrassing  :

" i told my friends you were the one "

" you said space was what you need "

" i waited by my phone like a goddamn fool "

" i consoled you while you cried .. "

" how could i be so stupid ? "

" you found a new version of me "

" i give up everything "

﹒﹒  the grudge :

" one phone call from you and my entire world was changed "

" you took everything i loved and crushed it between your fingers "

" i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did "

" i hear your voice every time i think i'm not enough "

" how could anybody do the things you did so easily ? "

" i say i don't care , i say i'm fine but you know i can't let it go . "

" i fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry "

" i try to understand why you would do this all to me "

" do you think i deserved it all ? "

" you have everything and you still want more "

" but even after all this , you're still everything to me "

" i know you don't care "

﹒﹒  pretty isn't pretty  :

" there's always something missing "

" i don't know why i even try "

﹒﹒  teenage dream  :

" it gets better , but what if i don't ? "

[sl33paholics]

Can't Be Fulfilled

Jotaro Kujo x Black!Female reader

Warning(s): Mentions of divorce, infidelity, domestic v¡olence, arguing, angst, listen the shit is depressing alr? Felt like writing one bc I got tired of the smut. Can be triggering into some readers.

We're close to 40 followers. Thx everyone 🤲🏾

"I don't think this is going to work anymore..."

You stood near the bedroom door with your hand on your elbow, looking at your husband on the bed before staring at the other side of the room as your eyes quickly met the ground. The room was completely silent, save for the quiet sounds of your breathing and the sound of your heart beating in your chest.

"What do you mean?"

You flinched. "Just... I'm tired of this. All of this, Jotaro." You sighed, turning your head slightly toward him. "All of it...this is too much. Days, weeks, hell, even a month of you being away because of your work, it's not fair." Your voice was barely audible through your closed teeth. Tears stung your eyes, but you weren't ready to give in yet. You had been trying so hard not to break down, but it just wasn't working out. You had tried to keep it together for years but it wasn't possible anymore. You watched as Jotaro put his book aside on the nightstand right next to the bed and sat straight up, facing your direction. "It ain't fair...for me...for Jolyne." He opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupted him, continuing. "And it's not fair for you either, Jotaro." His expression grew grim after your last statement, knowing that he had failed you once again, but he wasn't expecting this.

"Y/N...don't tell me what I think you're trying to say." His tone sounded more serious than usual. "Are you saying...you want us to split up? Is that what you're getting at? Y/N...we can make this work. We always have-"

"Yes," you said quietly. "I tolerated your absence for these years but you have to understand how things are now, Jotaro. Our daughter is growing up and as the years go by I don't want her to..." You paused. "Not this again."

Jotaro didn't let you finish. "She's seven years old." You wanted to respond but Jotaro continued anyway. "I work my ass off to provide for this family. I try. You know I try, Y/N. Every day." He took a deep breath and stared at his hands resting in his lap. "To keep both of you safe. To make sure we'll be okay. And this is how you repay me? With this? This bullshit? This stupid fucking arrangement of yours?" The tears were streaming down your face silently now and you felt yourself crumple into yourself further. Jotaro finally stood up. "We've had this conversation before, Y/N."

"I'm sorry," you choked out between sobs. "I'm sorry, Jotaro, I am. But you have to listen to me." Your voice was small and soft. "You don't know how many times Jolyne asks me when you're going to be home or if you're coming back, at all. When I'm bathing her, her bus dropping her off, braiding her hair, or even reading her to sleep."

Jotaro scoffed and stepped closer to you. "She misses her daddy." You could feel his eyes bore holes into you. "Even if she doesn't talk about it." He stopped close enough to touch you but still far enough not to scare you.

"She does," Jotaro responded. "But we shouldn't split up over this Y/N I told you whenever I got the job, that I won't be here as often. I'll try to respond when I can or if I have time off. What about that can't you understand?" Jotaro's voice rose with each word, becoming louder until you were sure the neighbors would hear what he was saying. You bit your lip and averted your eyes from his gaze. The truth was, you hated when he used this argument against you. It made everything hurt. Made everything worse.

"Do NOT try to pin this on ME!" you clapped back, seeing Jotaro startled, which is rare. "Of course I understand! I'm not stupid, JoJo! If it wasn't for your goddamn job, we wouldn't be having this discussion! Talking to me as if I have no damn sense, I supported you when you were pursuing your degree!" finally turning to look him in his ocean eyes. "Can't you see our marriage is falling apart?!" Your voice broke at the end. "I make sure to text you every morning, leave a voicemail every time you don't pick up the fucking phone, even LETTERS! It makes me believe something happened to you!" you continued.

"That's because I'm WORKING! I can't be on or even near my phone every second of the hour to respond to you. What's wrong with you, woman?!" Jotaro shook his head. "You have to understand that I'm stressed out too, you know? Not only with work but make sure to at least keep in touch with you every time I have the chance to!" he shot back. You pushed him out of your way, angrily stomping out of your shared bedroom into the hallway. Jotaro followed behind you as if his life depended on it and you heard him call you an idiot. You ignored him. You kept heading towards the living room.

Jotaro came to a halt when he saw packed luggage on the ground. "What the fuck is this?" he asked.

"I'm serious, Jotaro. This isn't going to work out no more," you replied without looking at him. He grabbed you by your arm and spun you around to face him. You tried to yank your arm out of his grasp but failed, you were nowhere near his level of strength. The sharp pain of being pinned against the wall. "Let go of me-" "You got some damn nerve!" Jotaro roared out in your face, quickly shutting you up. "Y/N, we are NOT getting this divorce! We've had our ups and downs, I admit that. But we always work it out one way or another, you're NOT leaving me for another guy who you think that's ten times better than me!" "Ten times better?" you echoed incredulously. Jotaro looked like he was getting ready to explode, the veins in his forehead bulging dangerously, and his lips turned downward into a frown. "I never said I was cheating on you, I wouldn't do that! Just because we don't have sex as much anymore, doesn't mean I would cheat!" you screamed.

Nothing but back and forth. It was for certain that your neighbors could hear you two bickering and the police were called. If only you two could see the green-eyed little girl peaking through her slightly cracked door watching and clutching onto the dolphin plushie her dear father gifted on her birthday. The sad expression on Jolyne's face watching her parents argue. She knew it was bad news. It was very alarming news. Sickening. Disgusting. Horrifying. Jolyne was scared and confused. She knew her parents loved each other deeply. How could they fight like this?

"You ain't leaving. That's final." Jotaro stared into your dark brown-colored eyes before letting your arms go, watching you slowly slip to the ground as you slightly sobbed in your hands. He stood there before kneeling to your level, gently wrapping his arms around you, embracing you in a hug. "I'm sorry, dear," Jotaro said quietly. "I know it feels like I'm abandoning you, but please believe me when I say we will work this out, together." You nodded, sniffling and leaning further into his hold. You closed your eyes and gave into his embrace.

You can't help but be disillusioned.

[captain-mj]

Heya, I love your writing! It’s the good shit.

Talking about good shit, you have dragged me into price x graves hell. It’s cozy here, so I‘m not complaining, but your recent angst headcanons for them made me crave more.

If you have the time/motivation for it, would you be up for expanding on those? It can take any form, really. More headcanons or maybe a short drabble about an instance where Price couldn’t trust Graves' word, but it came out he was being truthful (or anything about any of the previous headcanons rly (the food as apology hit different ngl), I just need angst rn).

Hope you have an amazing day! :D

The food apology has not left my brain, so here you go! Included a couple of my headcanons here

~~~~

Graves was staring a hole into him. "So you don't trust me?"

"Look, it's not that."

"No. It is that. It's good fucking intel, Price. Makarov will be there tomorrow. I have a few people who work there and..." Graves trailed off, just staring at him. He looked hurt and Price didn't get why.

"Graves. You can't tell me who the source is and... you know what happened in Mexico. I can't tell my team this intel on your word alone." Price was tired of this conversation. It felt like they had some version of it every week. He waited for Graves to do what he normally does, get angry. Maybe raise his voice a little before just giving up because he knew Price wouldn't budge.

Not this time. Graves quietly pulled on his coat, not looking at Price this time. Price frowned and went to touch his shoulder but Graves pulled back.

"I get it. I understand I... I messed up in Mexico. Really badly. Did things I'm not proud of. But you said you forgave me." He looked up at him. "If it really was just your team you're worried about, I'd accept it. But this isn't about your team. You just... don't trust me at all. You don't trust me with anything." Graves didn't look angry. "I'm going to head out for a bit. Want to grab some stuff for tonight."

Price sighed. "I'm sorry."

Graves looked up at him before shrugging and leaving.

Price went to his office as normal. They were all on base, plus Alex which was nice. He was American so a lot of them used him as a translator for Graves because asking that man to explain himself usually just made them more confused. Graves had laughed when he found out, saying he was glad someone spoke both their languages.

Price shouldn't have brought up Mexico. He sighed, watching Soap and Ghost continued their conversation about the map and best plans of execution. The map they were talking about was where Makarov had been seen lately. It made zero sense on its own, just a confusing set of points that looked painfully random.

Graves came in and paused. Most of his team had gravitated towards his office so there was quite a few people in his way.

"Ghost." Graves handed him a bowl. "Hand that to Price. Your stupid British stores are annoying, had to travel across your entire goddamn country." Ghost did as told, setting the food in front of Price.

Ghost looked up. "How the fuck did you make gumbo here?"

"How the fuck do you know what gumbo is?"

"I was stuck in Texas a while, don't want to talk about it, do you have more? Is it good? I'll pay?"

Soap hit him lightly, trying not to laugh.

Price was still stuck on what gumbo was.

"Well, I had to make a few substitutions and the base kitchen was missing some things, but you make do. There's plenty if you guys want some."

Alex and Ghost were gone.

Price frowned. "Why did you bring me food? You usually just wait for me to not be busy."

Graves blushed the smallest bit. "Look, it just got done cooking so eat it or don't." He crossed his arms.

Price quickly tried a bite, not wanting to be on Graves's bad side anymore than he already was. It was spicier than he was expecting, but good. Really good.

Gaz stole the spoon from his hand to try it. He got up. "I'll be right back."

Soap looked at Graves. "Ya didn't poison it did you?"

"I wouldn't waste the food on you guys. Would've just made fucking beans on toast." Graves glared at him. Soap nodded and noticing he was alone with them, quickly left.

"I hope you like it." Graves looked shy, not looking at him anymore. "Felt kinda homesick. Knew some of your crew had experience with the South and thought it would be nice."

Price got up and pulled him over, kissing him softly. He felt Graves stiffen before melting. They wrapped their arms around each other and stayed still for a minute. Price squeezed him before hearing his phone buzz. He pulled away to check it and saw that Makarov had been seen. Exactly where Graves said he would.

Graves looked at his phone and he could feel him biting his tongue to not say 'I told you so'.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay." Graves didn't have any inflection in his voice. "Do you guys have time?"

"We'll attempt. Do you want to come?"

Graves looked excited. "Yes. I'd love to come."

Price squeezed him a little tighter. Neither knew how to apologize. It seemed to work just fine for today.

[tonberry-yoda]

Secret - Nanami

notes: FINALLY AFTER 400 YEARS I AM WRITING THIS NANAMI FIC!!!! maybe not my best fic, but definitely something lmao very happy to announce that it is finally here. this fic was based on this poll. and definitely expect more polls from hereon out! glad i finally got it done though!!! hope you all enjoy!!!

word count: 1,574

WARNINGS: f!reader, not proofread, goofy ahh writing lmao

Nanami claimed he never had time for dating, so honestly, he never really bothered with it. He’s flirted and been flirted with, but honestly, that was all way out of the ordinary for him, and what he claimed to be a waste of time.

But when you came along, something changed. Something about his whole demeanor. He smiled more. He was willing to take breaks from work. God, he was even willing to get off of work early just to be around you. You never noticed this difference though. You met Nanami like this. You never got to see a side of him that was just pure workaholic. Sure, you were introduced to a “rougher” version of him where he would almost push you aside to get his work done, but somehow, he ended up in conversation with you. And from then on, that’s how it always went. And for a while, it was peaceful.

Until Satoru Gojo, that is.

Not only had Nanami just stopped showing up to work, but something else was definitely going on. He still stayed in contact with you, sending nice messages and even getting coffee every now and again, but he wouldn't tell you why he left work. He wouldn't tell you what was going on in his life anymore. It was like he was hiding something.

He obviously couldn't be cheating or something because the two of you weren't even in an official relationship, so you couldn't even think of what was going on.

“Okay, can you tell me exactly what's goin on with you, Kento?” You finally asked over a cup of coffee. You were getting sick and tired of being left in the dark especially since he was looking both exhausted and a little dead inside.

“What do you mean?” He looked at you confused and took a long sip from his cup.

“You won't tell me why you quit or where you’re working now. I know it’s none of my business, but I'm worried about you. Honestly.”

Nanami chuckled and set down his cup. “There’s nothing to worry about, I can handle myself.”

“He’s right,” you jumped when you heard a new voice enter the conversation. “He’s a big boy and he has big boy stuff to deal with.” A man with bright white hair and a blindfold around his eyes talked to Nanami like he was a baby, wrapping his arm around Nanami’s shoulders.

“And… who are you?” You asked, looking the man up and down.

He took off one side of his blindfold revealing a bright blue eye dusted by white eyelashes. “His boss. Who are you?”

Nanami sighed heavily. “He’s not my boss. This is Gojo, Gojo, this is y/n.”

You and Gojo just stared at each other for a second without a word spoken.

“Do you need something?” Nanami asked Gojo, breaking the silence.

“You’ve got another job. An important one. There’s a special class-”

Nanami’s hand flew to Gojo’s mouth to shut him up. He looked at you with a worried expression and hurried Gojo to a more private area in the cafe.

“Can we not talk about demon hunting so goddamn loud.”

Gojo gave him a confused look and everything clicked. “You haven't told her?”

“Of course I haven't told her! She doesn't need to know this, okay? I want her to live a normal life without curses and demons and all that. Do you understand?”

Gojo rolled his eyes. “I think that’s a terrible idea.”

“Well I don't. Look, I can do the job later, okay?”

“People are going to get killed, Nanami! It’s now or never. Leave your little girlfriend for five seconds and get your ass in gear!”

Nanami pushed past Gojo and back over to your table where you just played with your fingers for a little bit, only taking small sips of coffee.

“Sorry, y/n.” Nanami chugged the last bit of his coffee and looked at you with concern in his eyes. “But I gotta go. I'll be over at your place tonight if that can make it up to you.”

“You don't have to make anything up to me. I just would like to know what you do these days. I miss you at the office. I just want you to be safe.” You stood up from your seat and threw your arms around Nanami. At first, he hesitated, but soon, his arms were around you too. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and just breathed you in for a moment before pulling away.

“I won't be long.” He said, looking into your eyes. Something told you that you should be worried about him.

“Okay.” Your voice was faint, but you stood tall and watched him walk out of the coffee shop.

But this time, you did not sit back down. This time, you followed.

You watched as Nanami went down several alleyways, following close enough behind to still see him, but far enough away to not get caught. You stayed quiet when Nanami slowed down, entering a large, extremely old looking building.

Naturally you followed, squeezing your way through the old rusty door that would barely budge open. It was hard to avoid the old rotting wood on the ground, so you stepped on it lightly, trying not to make a sound as you stepped. You had lost Nanami at this point. He was either upstairs or somewhere on the floor you were on. Either way, you wanted to find out what was so interesting about this old crackly building.

You couldn't even tell what the old building was. It was either an old empty office building or a warehouse. Either way, it was too beat up to tell. You decided that the floor you were on was too boring and decided to walk upstairs.

That’s when you jumped. What felt like an earthquake rumbled the building, making you hold onto the railing of the stairs. Oh god. Nanami was in trouble.

You got your ass in gear and ran up the stairs shouting Nanami’s name. The old building was falling apart around you as more and more rumbles happened.

Avoiding both falling rubble and tripping hazards on the ground you searched the entire building floor by floor. But nothing. Nanami wasn't anywhere to be seen and this crappy building was still falling apart.

You decided to skip the last few floors and head straight for the roof, sweat dripping down your forehead and heaving for breath.

When the door to the roof flew open, you found Nanami fighting… nothing?

“Nanami?” You asked, tilting your head.

 Nanami turned to you with a terrified look. “Sh-Shit, y/n, you shouldn't be here!” He turned back to the invisible entity and slashed thin air with a blunt sword.

“What’s going on?” You felt the ground rumble again, but you still took a step forward.

“y/n! Stop right where you are! You’re-”

But it was already too late. Suddenly, that invisible thing wasn't invisible anymore. It was giant with green drool coming out of every corner of its mouth. It slashed at you and grabbed you in one of its giant hands. You couldn't even scream, you just stared at it while it stared back.

“N-Nanami,” you were finally able to get out. “I-”

The monster opened its mouth, its jaw a little too wide for your liking, as it moved you forward. This thing was going to eat you and you were just as helpless as ever.

You closed your eyes tightly, prepared for the worst, until you heard another boom sound and felt yourself fall. You landed in Nanami’s arms and you looked into his eyes while his stayed on the monster.

“What the hell was that?!” You asked, jumping out of Nanami’s arms.

“A giant asshole, that’s what.”

“Are you just going to act like that was nothing?!” You exclaimed.

“Look,” Nanami sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know it's a lot, but I didn't want to get you wrapped up in all of this. It's dangerous and the last thing I wanted was for you to get-”

You threw your arms around Nanami, nearly knocking him off of his feet. He was shocked, but held you close. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.”

“Thank you for saving me.” That’s all you could say. You didn't need him to apologize. You didn't even need him to explain himself. You just needed him in your arms for just a little bit longer.

“You’re welcome.” He picked you up just to hold you closer and you squeezed him against you, never wanting to let go.

You pulled away from the hug just a little bit so your nose could press against his. “Are you still coming over tonight?” You giggled.

“Yes. Of course I am.”

“Good,” you sighed. You tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear and cupped his cheek. “Thank you again.”

Nanami smiled at you softly and leaned down to press his lips to yours. Desperately, you pulled him closer, practically ignoring the dead demon behind you. You gripped his hair in between your fingers and Nanami tipped you down, groaning on your lips.

You pulled away quickly, a little embarrassed. “We should probably leave that for home, huh?”

“Well then,” Nanami grabbed your head and led you out of the building. “We should get going quickly then, huh?”

~~~~~

jjk masterlist | pinned post @tonberry-yoda

[cqcandchill]

eugh

i wish i felt safe talking to anybody at all about what's bothering me without them focusing on

1) having understanding for my mother (i have spent 30 years stuffing down my own feelings to feel compassion for her at the expense of my own shit going unheard/minimized, i've really just had enough)

and/or 2) how much she sucks (i know!!! better than anyone!!! but god if i don't wish my own feelings could be heard, acknowledged and validated without making it about her being a cunt the way feels like my entire life has been made to revolve around her bullshit.)

i always think about the fact that when i told her the doctors found a heart defect, the first thing she did was talk about how hard it was for her... and how she tried so hard during pregnancy!!! woe is her to produce a defective baby!!! but how this diagnosis might affect ME - y'know, the one living with a congenital defect where 4 out of 5 people need open heart surgery to reconstruct a failed aortic valve, lol - was never once considered. and then being told that ~it affects her too~ when i reminded her of that fact. gee sorry i forgot you're the centre of the goddamn universe and no one can suffer more than you i guess!

anyway i don't think i'm going to anymore family gatherings with her because i cant handle being spoken at and not having a choice at what i want shared or not. i've just had enough of feeling like an object and not a person whenever she's around. i'm tired of feeling like a small child at my big age and i'm tired of being made to feel that way so she can feel validated by acting like the authority on my fucking life.

[hirunoka]

Just Dennis

Words count: 2,265

Angst with a Happy Ending, Not that much angst though don't worry, Episode: s16e04 Frank vs. Russia, nearly two weeks after the whole Johnny incident, First Kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Ao3 link: (x)

"Why did you do it, Dennis? Just why?"

Mac asks out of nowhere while Dennis is busy waiting for the water to boil for their evening tea, and Dennis immediately knows what he is talking about. It has been nearly two insufferable weeks after the whole Johnny incident and Mac has been acting really distant. Not that Dennis can blame him.

“Did what?”

“You know what I’m talking about," Mac lets out a loud sigh. "The whole Johnny thing.”

"I told you why, because you were annoying me and—"

"And that was the only solution you could come up with? You? The Golden God, the master of scheming who can come up with twenty different plans in two minutes? It's funny how you won't let me—"

Mac swallows the tight lump in his throat and Dennis finds it extremely difficult to ignore the way the other man's eyes are welling up. He wants to reach out and make the tears stop from spilling. He wants to offer Mac some comfort, even though he is the one who caused this in the first place.

But here he is, frozen in his place. Just like always. He is never able to do the right thing. He never was. And he is well aware of the fact that he destroys everything he touches.

"And you won't just let me... be, either. You just won't, will you?"

Dennis knows what he means.

You won't let me be with you, but you won't let me love someone else, either.

"I'm not preventing you from anything, Mac,” he replies, leaning against the counter. “I'm not stopping you. I'm really not."

A beat.

Not anymore.

He wants to say.

Please read between the lines, Mac, please. A small, pathetic voice inside his head screams and begs on his knees, scratching the walls of his brain.

I'm not preventing you from doing what you've been wanting to do for years, before you were even aware of it.

Please see it in my eyes.

I'm not preventing you from being with me, to take what is left of me. If anything is left of me.

I don't understand why you even care about me after everything, I probably never will.

And I can't promise you won't ever regret loving me.

Hell, you already regret it, don't you?

But I'm not gonna stop you this time, Mac. Just say something to me, just say you didn't give up on me, just do something, goddamn it. I'm tired of running away. I'm fucking exhausted.

Mac looks at him with a glimmer of hope in his puppy-like eyes, tilting his head slightly to the side and furrowing his eyebrows like he is silently questioning him as he takes a step towards Dennis.

And then another step.

Then another one.

Mac is so close to him that it would take just one more step for him to close the small distance between them.

"In fact, didn't I help you by coming up with the SINNED system?!" Throwing his hands up and surprising himself, Dennis yells in a high-pitched voice as his heart beat frantically in his chest.

Shutupshutupshutup—

"I helped you out with your date which ended successfully thanks to me and my great efforts. It's not my fault that you chose to ruin your chance by thinking you were in love with someone who didn't even exist, like an idiot! Like anyone could ever love you!"

Mac flinches and takes a step back as if he had been physically slapped by those words.

Dennis doesn't know what made him say that. He knows he should have kept his mouth shut instead, giving Mac some time to read between the lines and act accordingly.

They were so close.

Maybe it was about to happen.

Maybe Mac was about to take his chance one last time.

And he fucking ruined it.

He is not the master of scheming, that's for sure. He is the master of self-sabotage, if anything.

"Yeah, right. I'm an idiot for believing he existed." Mac nods to himself, seemingly ignoring his last words. "Well, even if he did exist, you said it yourself. Such an idiot for believing in Johnny. Johnny who didn't love me. Johnny who didn't even like me, let alone love me. Jonny who was... you."

If only Mac knew Dennis meant every word he said through Johnny. Meant all the compliments, all the praises.

If only Dennis was brave enough.

"Mac, I—"

"I hope that you had fun teasing me like that. I hope it was worth it, pretending you gave a shit about me. All that sweet ‘good mornings’ and 'how was your day baby boy?’ and ‘I missed you today’ texts, and all that kinky shit and, fuck—" Another laugh. "And even aftercare through the damn said texts... All the praises."

A hysterical laugh escapes Mac's lips as he wipes his tears away from his eyes, looking down like he is ashamed, but also done.

So done.

Dennis is afraid of what might come next, so he opens his mouth to speak, but it's useless since no words other than Mac's name come out again.

"You know what? I owe you a thank you, though. This was sure an eye-opening experience. So... Thank you."

Thank you? For what?

"I better go pack."

Wait—

No.

Nonononono—

"Go pack for what?" he tries helplessly. "Going somewhere? Decided to go on a small vacation? You should have let me know before so I could—

"I think it will be better for both of us." Mac takes a deep breath and turns on his heels to grab a damn plastic bag that was laying on the ground—instead of bothering to find an actual bag— and starts collecting his stuff here and there in the living room as Dennis trails behind him, not knowing what to do. "I should just go. Have to leave. I should have done so years ago, but you said it yourself, I'm an idiot. An idiot who does idiotic things.”

“Mac, Mac, stop, I didn’t actually mean it, man. Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Dennis tries. He can’t let Mac go. He just can’t. “I’m sorry that I said that, can’t we just forget about what I said and move on?”

“I'll have to disagree with one thing, though.” Mac carries on, not seeming like he was listening to him at all. “I believe, I want to believe that I'm not unlovable like you claim. I need to believe that there is someone out there who is capable of loving me, capable of caring about me. Someone who actually exists and gives a shit about me. Someone who is real."

I care about you, asshole!

Dennis feels like screaming at the top of his lungs.

And I AM real! There is already someone who loves you!

“I can’t keep doing this,” Mac mutters with a shaky breath, refusing to look at the other man and shoving things he doesn’t even need into his silly plastic bag, just for the sake of doing anything but looking at him. “I can’t just keep on trying my best only to go back to square one.”

“Then don’t!” Dennis finally screams out loud this time, snatching the damn bag from Mac’s hands and hurling it across the living room. Something breaks when he does that, by the sound of it, but he doesn’t care at all.

The only thing he cares about right now is the man right in front of him.

The man he is about to lose if he doesn’t do something.

Yeah, sure, Mac always, always comes back to him, but it feels like it’s different this time.

Feels like he’s going to lose him forever if he lets him go.

“If that’s what you need, if that is what will keep you here, then don’t try your fucking best,” Dennis continues: “in fact, don’t try anything at all, Mac.”

Mac looks so confused and pretty that Dennis wants to kiss the stupid creases that appeared on his forehead. When he hardly dares to breathe, let alone move, Dennis takes three big steps towards him.

“Just be yourself, and do whatever you want to do, baby boy.”

That’s one of the pet names Johnny used.

Also one of the pet names he used as Hugh Honey years ago.

But this time, it’s not Johnny or Hugh calling him “baby boy.”

It’s just Dennis.

“Don’t—” Mac’s eyes widen, “don’t play games with me anymore. Please don’t.”

“Just like I’ve said, I’m not preventing you from anything. I swear. And I’m not… playing games.” Dennis gently cups the other man’s face in his hands, looking directly into his eyes. “I’m standing before you, not as Johnny, not as someone else, but as me. Dennis. Just Dennis.”

“But you’ve also just told me that no one could ever love me. You said that, Just Dennis.”

“I lied,” he confesses, and his confession takes an unimaginable burden off his shoulders while also adding to it at the same time. It’s a weird, complicated feeling, the realization that this is really happening.

The realization that he is finally being honest with Mac.

“And how am I supposed to know this is not a part of whatever sick game you’re playing with me right now?” Mac questions. "A part of a scheme? How am I supposed to know that you’re not gonna—”

Dennis cuts him off by pressing his lips to Mac’s ridiculously soft, beautiful lips; sliding one hand around his waist to pull the other man closer to himself and show him that he is not willing to let him go. Show him that he means what he said.

Mac gasps against his lips, still not moving, but not pushing him back, either. Right when Dennis is about to pull away, feeling discouraged by Mac’s lack of response, Mac finally kisses him back and throws his hands around Dennis’ neck. His lips move tentatively against his, like he is still not able to trust Dennis’s words or actions. Like  he cannot believe this is really happening.

He makes a sound at the back of his throat and lets Dennis deepen the kiss as Dennis tightens his grip on his waist.

Kissing Mac feels like coming home.

A home that was patiently—okay okay, maybe not always patiently—waiting for him to return to him for ages. And Dennis knows that every road leads him back to Mac.

No matter how hard he tries to take another road, no matter how much he denies it and lies himself by saying there sure must be a different road somewhere, every damn road he takes leads him to Mac.

His Mac.

No one else's. Always his. Always has been.

And it feels so natural.

For the first time in his life, he feels like he is on the right road: the road that directly takes him to Mac.

He is walking, no, running like he is trying to make up for the time he lost on the wrong roads for oh so long.

He is running on the right road with his lips, his hands, his breath, and they all cheer for him: “Happy to be home finally,” they all say.

His brain, on the other hand, protests him like it has been doing so as long as he knew himself. It insults him and his choices, telling him he will only break Mac's heart and his own heart. Telling him that he doesn't even deserve Mac.

Dennis tells it to shut up and listens to his heart instead, his kiss getting more heated and urgent like he is trying to prove a point and say “FUCK YOU” to his brain. And when he cannot hear the mean comments of his brain anymore, he slows down again, taking his time and kissing Mac sweetly.

When he eventually breaks their kiss and leans his forehead against Mac’s, he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes to take a look at the other man. Mac’s eyes are still closed, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

“Baby boy…” Dennis whispers, feeling Mac shiver under his touch when he tenderly wipes his tears away with his thumb. “Look at me, please?”

“I swear to God I’m sooo gonna make you meet your maker if you tell me you were just teasing me or something,” refusing to do as he is told, Mac threatens him, making Dennis chuckle.

“I’m my own maker. Besides, wouldn’t your own maker send you to hell for doing that?”

Mac opens his eyes and looks at him before mumbling: “I’m sure He will make an exception for me.”

Dennis smiles at that.

“Well, I’ll gladly let you know that he won’t have to do so, then. ‘Cause I’m not teasing you or playing games, Mac. Did you ever know that you're my hero? You are the wind beneath my wings." He sings softly. “Remember..?” He swallows, caressing Mac’s face. “And I’m not letting you go. I can’t. I would fall without you, Mac. I would crash to the ground.”

Mac is silent, but the look in his eyes tells him that he is willing to try to trust his words and give him a chance— give them a chance.

“I wouldn’t let you fall, Den,” there is a ghost of a smile gracing his lips and hearing Mac calling him “Den” again makes something to Dennis’ poor heart. “I wouldn’t let you fall.”

Needles to say, Mac is the one who starts the kiss this time.

[willel]

Seeing your post about Joyce making Will's clothes and Willel makes me so sad because I just know half of s5 is gonna be about the ships and love triangles and it's so frustrating because I know the stuff we do get will just get buried under ship wars and complaining. I don't care what happens (honestly I'd rather neither Mileven or Byler be endgame at this point) cause no matter what, the "losing" side will use every possible chance to kill a vibe and the "winning" side will just be insufferably smug, it's like a lose lose situation for me lol

Love triangles never work in shows like this. If stranger things was a teen drama, I'm all for shipping and ship wars but for a show so heavy on the plot, having constant romantic drama makes no sense and takes away time we could spend with the actual supernatural aspect idk :/ There's just soooo much more I want explored than Will and El having deep introspective conversations with only Mike again for the 5th season straight

-sigh- Same anon. Same.

I don't think anyone understands how much I am DREADING all the romantic drama next season. I really might just die next season if all my family feels are buried under characters bickering about their romantic feelings. I'm just tired.

I feel like there's so much more to see and understand about these characters but it always get boiled down to who loves who romantically. WHY

Maybe I wouldn't be so tired and bothered if the fandom weren't filled with people fighting about ships day in and day out. Not only that, they sometimes attack the familial bonds because they see them as threats. It's so goddamn annoying and almost impossible to avoid at this point. It's EVERYWHERE

There was another thing I wanted to add to that post but I forgot.

There are some people under the impression that people who care about WillEl (such as myself) only care because of ships (as if that makes sense). That we push Will and El together as siblings to either get in the way of a ship or to support a ship. That caring about WillEl is a recent development. That people only pretend to care because they've become step siblings. That because they don't have as much screen time as the romantic drama, their relationship is worthless an non-existent. That people try to push Will onto El because they think Will should be the main character or some crap.

NO.

WillEl has been around since the beginning. Sure, I didn't hop into ST until 2017 but even when I got here, I remember there was at least one prominent person in this fandom pointing out some of the WillEl things I had been thinking about since I binged season 1 and season 2 (then I started posting my own things under this username and voila)

People don't push Will and El together because they're siblings now. People don't care about them because of ships.

Will and El have a CONNECTION. They've had it from the getgo. Even the actors noticed and understand it. It's always been there!

El RECOGNIZED WILL IN A PICTURE!!! To our knowledge, she has never met or seen Will in her entire life but as soon as she laid her eyes on him she was stricken with recognition. WHY, AREN'T THEY CURIOUS ABOUT THAT???

Don't they ask themselves how Will and El were able to speak to each other in the Upside Down when El has only been able to do that with her mom and possessed Billy???

How about the weird parallels of when El is in the picture, Will is not and when Will is in the picture, El is not??? Or a lot of their scenes being mirrored especially from season 2 onward???

Haven't they questioned what El "saw" about Will when she saved everyone at the Byers house before Joyce or anyone told her a goddamn thing about what was happening???

Can they not feel the connection these two have whenever the topic of the Upside Down enters the conversation??? Have they not seen the constant quiet glances between the two of them whenever something fishy is going on???

Like, of course there could be MORE and I've always wanted more, but these burning questions have been swimming around our part of the fanbase for years and years while they were on the other side only caring about their ships.

And hey, if that's all they care about in a series like this, you do you. Maybe the plot and the supernatural connections just don't interest you and hey, that happens! We've all seen the Star Wars shipping wars after all even though it's supposed to be a sci-fi space adventure.

But I need answers! I love theories!!! And most of all, I LOVE FAMILY FEELS.

If being a shipper in a fandom is your thing, then please do! ... But why oh why do they turn around and try and degrade all these adorable heartfelt platonic and supernatural relationships? I just don't understand it.

Most of all, why the heck the Duffers write it in in the first place. Man. Love triangles are the bane of tv shows (That I don't even watch just know about second hand)

The only love triangles I approve of is Hopper-Joyce-Bob and Lucas-Max-Dustin. Those were tame. To be honest, I'm surprised the fandom isn't shitting itself fighting over Lucas-Max-Dustin, how did the Duffers pull that off? They need to do that again.

[anaxenxelxmachen]

I don't want it to be like this. I want to have a dad who wasn't a god damn p3doph!l3 and loved me and actually put me or really anyone of my siblings before himself. I wish I had a mom who had the intelligence and emotional stability above the level of a fucking teenager. I wish my parents actually tried to be better people and gave me the life I deserved if they were going to be selfish enough to bring me into this world for the sake of them cosplaying "normality." I wish my siblings actually cared about me. I wish anyone in my family cared about me. I wish I had a family. I wish I had all the experiences and things I should have had. I wish I had a fucking childhood. I want so badly to have the hope I once had, to dream and daydream endlessly and have a reason to keep going. I wish my stupid ass bitch of a narcissist selfish asshole of a sibling kept me ignorant and now I can't go back, I can't unknow that I have trauma and abuse and no one did a goddamn thing to save me and in fact they kept me ignorant and around my abuser unchecked and with full access, leaving me completely vulnerable and alone. I wish I had friends and people in my life who actually stayed. I'm grateful for my boyfriend and my dog but even my boyfriend isn't around that much because of his work schedule and my dog is no substitute for a community. I'm so tired of opening myself up to and extending myself for people who don't ever do the same for me. And then they leave. They always do one way or another. I'm so tired of being me, I'm so tired of having to live this life. I'm so tired of no one understanding. I'm so tired of people minimizing my emotions and trivializing my experiences. I'm so tired of people wanting me to "snap out of it" so I can resume being a cog in the machine of corporate America on their timeline. I'm so tired of having to schedule having fucking emotions around everyone else's needs. I'm so tired of being told I should have nuance towards my fucking abusers but no one extends that courtesy towards me, the one person who was always innocent in all this. I'm. So. Tired. I'm waiting for the switch to flip back to the way it was but I don't think it ever will. This reality is all I've seen and I can't fucking handle it. I don't want to be independent anymore. I don't want to be self reliant anymore. I want to know that I can break down and I'll actually get help. I don't know if I want to live anymore if it means keep living like this. I don't have the energy I used to, the joy I used to. I can't even fucking lose weight like I used to. I don't know what to do.