#i'm so sorry this is so long

[hcmoeroticisms]

Moiraine Damodred & Rand Al'Thor, The Wheel of Time

[nyxsealia]

When I was 17 and trying to figure out what the heck my sexuality was, the main, if not only, piece of advice I found online, even when I directly asked people, was to go out and experiment sexually with various people and see what gender I enjoyed sex with most. And years later, that still seems to be the advice most of us give when someone is trying to figure out their sexuality. And there's nothing wrong with doing that, and if that's what helped you, great. But I do think there's issues with this being the most prevalent advice.

There are a lot of reasons someone may not want to do this, various personal or religious reasons, comfort levels, a lack of interest in sex, not experiencing much or any sexual attraction, or simply being too young for this to be applicable.

I found the advice unhelpful for many of the reasons I just mentioned, and it left me feeling lost on how I was supposed to find out what my orientation was. It also left me with thoughts like how can I be a part of queer culture if I don't want to experiment sexually or be sexually active? Even looking at articles with advice on dating as a queer woman I saw bullet points like "It's okay to have sex on the first date!" there was so much emphasis on how it's okay to have very active sex lives that it left me feeling like if I didn't want that, I'd never be able to have relationships because there'd be an expectation of sex right off the bat. Don't get me wrong, sex positivity is important and we shouldn't shame people for their sex lives. But I feel like we don't don't talk about not being into that kind of thing enough.

I also didn't know at the time that I was asexual, and while I'm sex neutral and open to the idea of sex with a trusted partner, I don't have any desire to seek out sexual relationships. Not experiencing sexual attraction made figuring out my attraction a thousand times harder. I still don't know if I'm bi/pan or lesbian. I do refer to myself as gay or lesbian in some instances, but sometimes I say queer or just shrug and say "I like girls" or "I'm not straight" and some days I'm okay with the vagueness of that, but other days I feel the stress and pressure of having to pick an identity in order to have a community to belong to and be accepted. That stress and pressure doesn't get better when all the advice I can find on the subject just tells me to have sex and that'll clear everything up.

We put a lot of focus on finding out exactly "what" you are. And I don't think sex is the best way to do that. Lots of people have varying interest in sexual or physical intimacy, not just queers. My cishet friend told me she got a boyfriend but she wasn't entirely sure if what she was feeling was romantic, and that the idea of kissing made her uncomfortable. She doesn't identify as ace or aro, and she shouldn't have to. People can have a lack of interest in these things without a lack of attraction.

Another issue with this advice is that sexual and romantic attraction doesn't always line up for everyone. You may enjoy sex with all genders, but find you only have a desire to date one. So sexual experimenting wouldn't necessarily answer the question for you. Orientation is really complicated. I did mostly consider myself lesbian, but I occasionally find men aesthetically attractive, and I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm actually bi but still feel uncomfortable using the term.

All this needlessly long and ramble-y text to say, this advice is simply useless to a lot of people. And while I can't speak personally for this part, I'd bet at least some people who enjoy sexual experimentation still weren't sure of their orientation at the end of it. This advice shouldn't be presented as the one size fits all solution.

If you're uncomfortable or uninterested in figuring out your identity this way, there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with not knowing. You don't have to know right now, or ever if you'd prefer that. It's okay to use vague terms. It's also okay to use whatever label feels closest even if it's not perfect. And remember, you're not locked into anything. You can always change labels.

There is no right way to determine your orientation. Everyone discovers themself in different ways and at different ages. It's not a race or a checklist. The most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself and whatever you do to figure yourself out, be safe.

[hecckyeah]

Hey! So, I know you probably haven't watched it yet, BUT: when you do, I must know your comprehensive thoughts on the latest Rookie episode!?!

ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE!!!

Okay, because I'm insane, I'm going to split this into two sections: not-chenford, and chenford.

SPOILERS FOR 6x02 UNDER THE CUT

First up, everything NOT-chenford-related:

Honestly they could have botched it, but it was SO FUN having Randy back for the wedding. "Sit down, German, I got this." i mean???? iconic. Also having him be literally in Pete's place and WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND? even more iconic. I'm a ride or die Randy fan, so all his scenes just made me unreasonably happy :)

it was understandably short, but I loved having Celina ride with Nyla, finally. It was kind of satisfying to see her get humbled in interrogation, because imo Nolan has been kind of lax with her training, letting her get away with things the other rookies would have been fired for. So it's nice that she'll spend some time away from him and with a *ahem* more experienced TO. hopefully. We'll see.

Ugh, my heart breaks for Aaron this season. Kid's traumatized for REAL. And his comment to Celina about not sharing things with the therapist because he wants to get back on patrol, not necessarily get better. That bothered me. I really hope they dig into that a lot. But I also hope nothing horrible happens because of it. He seemed so unstable, even when he wasn't drunk. I'm also very interested to see where this goes with his and Celina's friendship. Just a lot of good stuff that could be a really thoughtful and interesting story if handled right...

Aaaaand this episode confirms that I intensely dislike Bailey. Everything about her character is just trying too hard, like the writers were so tired of having Nolan date and break up a few times, they were like okay fine this one can stay, and even though they have chemistry readings in the negatives, they keep trying to push it even though it feels so wrong. I'd rather have Nolan be single the rest of the show than be in this stale cardboard relationship. But it's fine, they're not going to split them up now, so I'll have to deal with it lol

The whole thing with Oscar suing was SO rushed. Like, so insanely rushed I couldn't even be annoyed at him. I hope they bring him back and do it for real, because that was weird to kind of shoehorn in there just for dramatic effect.

EPIC COP TEAMUP IN SUITS AND TIES MY BELOVEDDDD. Seriously they all looked SO GOOD chasing down bad guys and beating people up. White dress shirts were truly the MVPs of this episode

Will Celina just. be wearing long sleeves the rest of her life? Seriously how long has she been a rookie already?? Most of Angela's pregnancy and maternity leave, so at least 10 months, if not more. Hell, she should be graduating from the program soon. The timeline in this show is absolute trash.

Speaking of-- Baby Wopez name drop when????? poor girl's been nameless for too long

James coming in clutch with the playlist was chef's kiss. I LOVE that man

ALSO JAMES AND WESLEY'S BROMANCE. "I went with a suit." "Me too. Mine has a tie." "Oh my god, same!" I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO. Probably my favorite bromance of anyone ever.

Finally, just in general-- I know some people were put off by how much stuff was jam-packed into 42 minutes (again. how???) but I think they pulled it off reasonably well. There was actually very good pacing, lots of comedy and angst and everything in between. I personally LOVED this episode and I think it deserves a few rewatches just to pick up on everything they threw at us. It has its flaws, but it will definitely be a 100th episode to remember, that's for sure.

AND NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Chenford thoughts :))))))

But first let me just get this out of the way real quick-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHLSKDJFOAHGOIJWE;LKTH;SKLJD;LFKHAGLJKSDFA;HLGKJLSKJDKFJDKJFKDJFKJDKFJDKFJKD OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHA;LKGHSJNBMNMCC HELP KJAEHKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG IM HYPERVENTILATING AHGHGHAHSHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay, anyway.

Here we go!

I'm just a little bit torn on how they decided to approach this. On the one hand, it was nice that they were still able to work together and talk without excessive drama. Although... Tim shutting the door on her did hurt. Yeah. That hurt a lot. But I had really hoped that they would acknowledge that Lucy was in the wrong last episode too. She was being completely unreasonable and like Tim said, she was projecting. But in this ep, it seemed like she was validated and he was the one being unreasonable. While his trauma with Isabel is something they desperately need to talk about (like Lucy said), she was also reacting too harshly to it and being unfair with her accusations. But honestly, it's okay. We still have 8 episodes to sort it out and it seems like they're very much on the right track. I'm hoping they have a really really really intense, tearful, honest, raw, cathartic conversation about the whole thing. Seems like that's the direction they're going, so I won't hold my breath but it is something that needs to happen.

ALL OF THEIR INTERACTIONS were just so. hnnggg. so chewy. so much going on. THE LOOKS DURING THE WEDDING. hang on I'll come back to that in a sec.

The scene with the Hammer was NEXT LEVEL. (Also fun that they named the episode after That Scene, specifically. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........) For some reason I immensely enjoyed watching Tim get thrown around like a rag doll. Not sure what that's about. Never seen that side of myself before.

THE FORESHADOWING. That on-one-knee thing was more than I thought they'd give us, and OMG I ATE IT UP. The little pause, where Lucy's breath kind of catches, and Tim just seems kind of oblivious. THAT'S CINEMA, BABEY.

Kind of insane about Tim just passing out like that. Poor man.

CELINA MENTIONING LUCY'S BACHELORETTE PARTY????? hello even more foreshadowing :))))

The scene cuts back and forth when Lucy is helping with the cake and Tim with the flowers??? THEY'RE TELEPATHIC SOULMATES DON'T TALK TO ME.

And the fact that the lie detector was RANDY'S IDEA? I'm shrieking. "Ein wenig crazy," is definitely something my adhd bilingual ass has said irl

oh my lord how CLOSE she scoots her chair?? i'm melting

I thought it was kind of a nice touch to have Tim be actually surprised by the lie detector picking up his answer to the last question being a lie. Because honestly.... now it makes a little more sense: he's been lying to himself. Which is kind of an angle I didn't see coming. "I guess we do have a problem," sounds to me like he literally hasn't been able to admit to himself that he doesn't want Lucy undercover. Of course he wants her to make detective, that's not a question. Detective doesn't equal undercover. But he's been telling himself probably since day one that he's fine with it, that she's not Isabel, that he has nothing to worry about . . . and now he's finally seeing that he really is terrified. Something she's seen in him all along. And while their argument last episode was about more than just this (I still believe she was in the wrong for projecting so hard and making crazy assumptions about him), I think I can see where the writers were going with it.

THE I LOVE YOUS D E S T R O Y E D ME

Okay, back to the Looks at the wedding. Tim being all 🧍and scanning the crowd for his girl . . . Lucy delivering the Heart Eyes of the century . . . Them still sitting together because even though they're fighting, they're still each other's person, and nothing can change that . . . I'm going into cardiac arrest.

In my book, "We're gonna get through this" is a nice breath of fresh air and a bit of relief, but it doesn't mean they've worked everything out. Again, they need a good solid conversation. One that this episode was never going to give us, sadly. But it'll come!

ALSOOOO that moment when Aaron interrupts them and we see Tim's hand around her waist, I just OOF i need a moment

I AM NEVER GONNA BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS EPISODE. the foreshadowing, the parallels, the pining, the dancing, the fighting, the emotions, EVERYTHING. It was not perfect but it was WONDERFUL. 10000/10, I need to watch all their scenes about five million more times.

AND THERE WE HAVE IT. I'll definitely be posting more thoughts soon, but that's where I'm at for now. Basically I think they set the groundwork for a really solid, healthy relationship going forward. I LOVED their moments in this ep, absolutely top tier. The ANGST. I am eating up every second of it.

2 episodes down, 8 to go!!!

[claudiajcregg]

s5pAU (a folder with many “Chapter XX” inside) for the WIP ask meme?

Welp, I forgot I hadn't answered these! Apologies! (These are from this WIP ask meme.)

s5pAU is my short way of referring to “S5 Pregnancy AU,” and it's… what it says on the tin! Sort of. Basically, the entire ridiculous concept is “what if CJ got pregnant at the end of S4?” (Around Zoey's kidnapping, in this case.) It's 11 chapters so far, with only a bit of 12 written… And it was my main WIP for the better part of 2023, even if I took months here and there.

(I had written a lot of unneccesary backstory that I've tried my best to summarize into the important parts. It's still long, sorry. It's just been the WIP, for most of 2023. It's sitting at over 76k words already!)

I have a note on my phone with a list of most ideas I kept having while rewatching the show last year. This one was part of it, and it jumped at me for how ridiculous it is. I recall having a mental image of a scene that was too OOC, but could work, around late February? Early March? It's definitely not a realistic idea, but there was something about some of her moments in S5 that I felt would be interesting (and not that different) to explore under new circumstances.

Before I started writing it properly in June, I did a few outlines (two detailed ones, in March and April), with the idea of having 1-2 chapters per semester, maybe some interludes here and there. I also started a playlist with ✨ vibes ✨, but though I thought a lot about it… I wasn't really writing it. Until I just needed to get so much stuff out of my head.

If I had to say, I think it is following the outline, but also not… Because I am being far more detailed than I intended to be, the show's actual timeline is a mess (not that the one I tried to create is better, but at least I know what month it is), and some story beats happened differently, hopefully still organically.

Anyway. This is boring. It still doesn't have a proper title, not that I'd change the folder's name (not really); it's not done (haven't written anything new since November, and it goes for everything); I could see this becoming some sort of series/universe by the nature of it.

Snippet! The part I always feel most self-conscious about. (Can't remember if this is the snippet I posted on the server, forever ago.)

“What’s up, Daniel? I was about to… Can’t it wait?” “It could,” he conceded with a dejected expression. One that told her this was hard to broach. “I didn’t even notice the time.” C.J. didn’t move, awaiting whatever it was that he was going to say. “And well?” She moved a stray strand of hair from her eyes. She couldn’t wait until her hair finally grew out, that was for sure. “You planning to stand there all night?” “I have to go, C.J. I have to go back to my post.” Whatever retort she had thought up for the first part died on her lips when she heard the second part. Her heart sank, and she chided herself. The second she had believed this day to be ordinary had been her first mistake: once you perceived anything as ordinary, you should know the universe would make it so it was anything but.

[constantineshots]

hey f slur post anon again.

okay I understand what you mean now - I think your thoughts on that are really interesting!

I think probably at the time they didn't tintend to say that John himself was explicitly queer, but they definitely did intend to comment on homophobia.

It's really interesting to me how John was queer-coded before Smith canonised his bisexuality.

Reading later comics, I often feel like there was more to show his bisexuality before it was canon than after (in the hellblazer comics at least).

Delano and the artists in those books really put a lot of queer coding in.

If we imagine an alternate history where that "boyfriends" line was never written, you could say that the version of John portrayed at the time was a man who was not (necesarily) queer himself, but who was the type of man who is victimized by homophobia as someone who is percieved 'not masculine enough' by heteropatriachal society.

This relates to his punk background. Subcultures often deliberately subvert traditional heteropatriarchal norms, and therefore are criticised for non-conformism.

Queer people are victims of this same system which demonises those who refuse to conform.

I think that's what they were going for at the time. I think they also wanted to criticise homophobia as part of the political messaging throughout the comics.

They show John witnessing and experiencing homophobic violence as a way to criticise it. However, the queer coding of the character's style and experiences made him ripe to be read as a queer character.

And Smith confirmed it! Personally I think that makes these themes cut deeper in retrospect. When we know that John is a queer man, I think the homophobia of the world reads as more dangerous and impactful.

yeah, that's a good point too- the political messaging throughout the series is very prominent, so i wouldn't be surprised if those panels were designed to call light to it. this was also probably one of the few instances in hellblazer itself ( though! we do see a lot of homophobia in lucifer as well, starting right from the beginning issues. not relevant here exactly, but something to note in relation to vertigo not being afraid to delve into these topics ) where we see homophobic tones prior to john's confirmed bisexuality.

this turned out being a lot longer than i intended.

there is more homophobia explored- in the horrorist, which i believe was also written by delano- in reference to john as well. john doesn't explicitly say he's bisexual, but the comments he makes in retort ( for example, "you don't know where my mouth's been" and so on, in his own style ) suggest that he is. though the horrorist was written after the confirmation of his bisexuality, so i like to think that john's always meant to be queer-coded regardless.

with john being who he is and having the history he does, i think he was always queer-coded. it's just that some writers didn't have the guts in the rest of the series to explore it, or that when it was explored, it was... not in the best light. at all.

then, in the new 52, we do explore more of his relationships with men- and i do think there is this misconception where you have to date someone of the opposing gender on screen or you're just straight when it comes to bi people and people also like their biphobia, but that won't be talked about here- but some people have noted that, in one run, john was drawn as more "twinkish" ( the people who dislike the run's words, but i can say he doesn't really give that rugged look ) and some people found it off-putting. i'll reread the run and explore that, but there is that. and at one point, someone decided to write in that john had a crush on dick grayson. then there was the joke relationship between him and king shark- and i could go on.

i think as dc handles his character more in the light of "look, representation" whenever pride month rolls around then shoves him in zatanna's direction the whole time- again, not that there is anything wrong about a bisexual person dating someone ( or whatever it is with zatanna. i'm so confused. just let her date wonder woman and be done with this back and forth. ) of the opposite gender, but it's more what dc is trying to sell him as and then not doing it in the long run. it doesn't make much sense to me, where they play this "see? look! he's not straight, he'll date this guy" as if dating a guy has to prove that he's bisexual, but they killed off oliver ( i believe his name was? ) and then after that... we're stuck with the fact they can't write him right in general. there's no political undertones. there isn't much reference to any homophobia that he might face- he's a political character, and politically, if they're cramming him in the united states to work with the jld, they could explore that more. but they don't.

sure, hellblazer didn't have. much. on his bisexuality, but at least it was referenced. there's a newer run of hellblazer where he mentions having an ex boyfriend who was mute, i believe, and that's how he learned some of his sign language. and otherwise, john is single the whole run. i don't have a problem with john being single. but in most dc-aligned run, there's some need for him to have a romance, but they won't touch on anything regarding his bisexuality. there is nothing political underneath his character at all. they don't really explore homophobia- not that they have to, exactly, but john's a political character and now he's been deprived of that.

this is a long rant i am so sorry. point is, yes, i agree with what you are saying and it's a wonderful point to make, and it is SUCH a shame that this is something that is integral to john's character as a whole and not one person who currently works for dc comics at this very moment will explore this. let me work for dc comics. please.

[hxntresses]

@unlockthestars asked:

“Are you lost?” [Ren for An? ^^]

Lost was an understatement - An was completely out of her element. Before Kuroyuri was destroyed, she had barely travelled beyond its borders. Since then, she had mainly stuck to the village that took her in and nursed her back to health. She'd had nowhere else to go - nobody to return to - and so she had stayed, to repay their kindness and allow herself time to grieve her husband and son.

Eventually, the village's resident huntsman had urged her to take her grief and turn it into strength. To honour her family's memory by protecting others from the same fate. With him as her mentor, she became a decent huntress - even if it was only in name and with no formal training. For years, she helped to protect the village from Grimm, bandits and wildlife alike. But one day, she heard whispers from travellers about a group of young huntsmen and huntresses - one of whom shared her family name. Ren. She couldn't believe it. Could one - or even both - of her loved ones have survived Kuroyuri? Were they really out there somewhere all this time?

With her mentor's blessing, she had left the village the next day. She had to follow this lead, if there was any chance it would bring her back to her son and perhaps even her husband. She had travelled throughout Anima, trying desperately to track this elusive Ren down, but the last thing she had heard was that his group had now left for Atlas. She had been too late. With no way to get there with the borders closed, she had been heartbroken. It felt like she had lost her little Lie all over again.

Several agonising weeks - perhaps even months - passed before she would find a new lead in the form of an emergency broadcast from Atlas. The young girl, who's name she recognised as one of those who had been traveling with this Ren, dropped all kinds of unbelievable truths before being suddenly cut off. To think of what her son, if it really was him, could be going through in Atlas pained her greatly. The world later found out that Atlas had fallen, but that refugees had somehow found their way to Vacuo. This was her chance. She had to believe that her son had made it there safely with the rest of them.

And so, she had made the journey to a kingdom she never would have visited before, holding fast to her hope that Lie was here and that he was safe. However, no amount of hope could help her find her way around this foreign kingdom, let alone find him within its winding streets - especially at night. As fate would have it however, a voice speaks up from somewhere behind her as she attempts to locate a place to stay. Turning with a smile, she begins to speak.

"Oh! Yes, it would seem I am. I--"

Any words she was about to say are stopped dead in their tracks, and the woman gasps, dropping the map in her hands. Before her stood a boy, taller than her, with long black hair and striking pink eyes. Her eyes. The boy even had a streak of magenta in his hair. Just like her son. There was no mistaking who stood before her. The mother begins to tremble, widened eyes threatening to spill over with tears, and she is barely able to speak.

"Lie?"

[boopiddyboop]

I knew you were joking, but if I'm being honest, I get the vibes too, BUT I'm also always told that people think that I'm gay and I'm like *bitch where 😀* and I have a venus in virgo and Mars in scorpio (opposite of hongjoong) so I wondered if it had something to do with that??

To comment on your placements, Mars in Scorpio might lead you to giving off masculine ~energy~ if it's in your 1st house, ruling a Sun in Scorpio, or combined with a stellium of Scorpio placements. But even Scorpio is a water sign, and doesn't necessarily scream "Rawr, I am man". For example of this, Katy Perry: Sun, Moon, Mercury, Saturn, and Rising in Scorpio. Yet her image is very hyper-feminine to the point of camp.

(As far as her sexuality goes, while being very LGBTQIA supportive, Katy has basically said "I experimented a bit" and describes sexuality as not black and white while maintaining almost exclusively heterosexual relationships *shrug*)

Venus in Virgo, while being a Mercurial sign, is actually the more feminine of the signs ruled by Mercury, Gemini being considered the more masculine. So while depending on how that Mars in interacting in your chart, you might be described as intense, nothing about those two placements indicate strongly anything one way or the other on how your energy reads in the first place, nevertheless who you like.

On the grander scale of things, a lot of times, our ability to read the sexuality of others is based on acknowledging when people are stepping out out of heteronormative behaviors. But is that a critique of who we like, or who we are? Am I gay simply because I couldn't cater to the male gaze if I tried? Personally, my energy is very Saturnian and heavy, but I've very much has enjoyed a sausage in my time. Yet a lot of my research from yesterday was like "Aquarius placements are very indicative of LGBTQIA+ placements." To which I respond that while there are many ways I scorn society's standards, my sexuality really isn't one of them

Especially when it comes to K-Pop celebrities, foreigners (and specifically Western fans) base their perception of an idols sexuality and personality on factors that may or may not exist in Korea. I've seen many people claim XYZ idol video as proof of a ship or a sexuality, that, after having lived in Korea, when I watch it I'm like "...that's a heterosexual, your honor."

Inversely, that video of Hongjoong on the first response was very "pan-coded" if you will, but still is hardly proof xD But yeah, nothing in the chart as I see it specifies.

...Wow, this response got long. I read my inbox in the middle of the night and dreamed about my response for hours before waking up and writing this during my morning coffee... Is this even coherent?

[muuurder]

i agree with the anger issues, lack of boundaries, not knowing his own strength, and the entitlement!! i think that he doesnt know how to go about like.. loving someone? there were books and stuff so i think we can assume that some of what he knows is based off of the books hes read/listened to. another common thing ive seen is people assuming hes uneducated but in my head, hes not. his view of reality just might be slightly warped due to the media that he consumed. which could maybe play into his lack of boundaries.

but i think he genuinely is not a bad person. his trauma just plays into everything. then of course you have his parents practically giving greta to him

but im interested in what you have to say about him being autistic. ive never really looked at him from another perspective mentally.

I am now off of work *rubs hands together* so let’s get into this. I’ll leave an undercut so I’m not killing everyone on dashboards with a long post lol. I’m so sorry. Cause this is going to be a hellishly long post. just a quick mention there will be brief mentions of Su*cide as well as specific disorders and the like. Obviously nothing graphic but wanted to give a warning in case.

I agree in the idea that a lot of his knowledge as far as how things work revolves around classic books (pride and prejudice, the great gatsby, etc etc. i personally Headcanon his favorite story is beauty and the beast because he’s a hopeless romantic.) This can cause a bit of an issue as usually the “male” role in old novels tend to be rather problematic as far as how women are viewed and treated. Not to mention his parents for sure are conservative uppity aristocrats but with money so far up their ass they can’t think straight.

I have also seen people acting as if he’s uneducated and incapable of doing basic things. Which is incredibly far off in my opinion. We know for a fact he was home-schooled, I mean we got a glimpse of his routine. I think his knowledge of the outside world is incredibly limited. I do agree with that. He doesn’t know about social media, or computers if we’re honest, or most functions you need to know as an adult to live and survive in the real world. So I imagine if you introduced him to it, it would be an incredible culture shock for him. He’s been locked away for years. He loved his parents but the moment he is given the chance to grow and change he will be absolutely angry. Honestly, that’s a tantrum he needs to have. He needs to break shit in their room in my opinion and he has a right to be angry with them for a plethora of reasons. I’m derailing a bit here- but he’s incredibly smart. There’s a screenshot of Brahms’s room. It’s somewhere I’d have to go scrounging which I don’t want to do right now, but it shows every tiny detail In that room. He has a washbin, a microwave, a fridge, as well as books and tons of sheet music plastered on the wall. I could talk for hours about the common thought he’s nasty and hates baths (which is I think far from the truth.) but that aside; I think he’s a prodigy. He builds mechanisms in his free time (he made the rat traps for the house,) and he’s well versed in the arts (particularly where I think he excels the most.) we can see that much with drawing he seems to have and the sheet music heavily hinting he plays violin. I also have a personal Headcanon he can absolutely read beowulf and both comprehends and can pRONUNCIATE EVERY DAY WORD CORRECTLY. I could never my god. But he’s well read, and incredibly smart. Not to mention, the only thing he has as far as childlike behavior outside of regression is I truly believe he enjoys learning and like a kid he absorbs information and learns quickly.

As far as my take that he’s autistic, it’s got a lot of layers. Particularly I think he has bpd and/or has autism. I personally have BPD so you can take that as it is, it could be me rubbing my grubby little hands all over brahms, but I’ll give the gists of what it is and why i think BPD should also be tagged onto him along with autism and if you’d like me to go further in depth about them let me know.

So BPD is a personality disorder that is characterized by unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships. I always joke and say it’s basically speed running the DSM-5. I know it has a bad rep (you’re either demonized or infantilized by it because it’s a hellish and intense disorder.) Some of the symptoms are irritability, explosive anger, rapid mood swings (we’re talking you feel the world  crumbling, wanting to kermit sewerslide and then it shuts off like a switch. You feel nothing and it’s over. and that’s in like a span of 10 minutes? and you’re left numb and disassociating. real riveting shit), risk taking behaviors, impulsivity, a general lack of restraint: I mean I could go on. To get to the point, there is a phenomenon with those who have the disorder where they will form an FP. They don’t pick em, it just kinda happens. But FP stands for favorite person and to put it short, they are the most important person in that person life. You can’t imagine living without em and it’s usually a supportive person (family, friends, therapist, romantic partner, etc etc. so you can see how a nanny would suit this role.) I know for me personally, I get rather territorial with my own FP (we have boundaries trust me, I know it’s incredibly important so you don’t hurt the other person cause it can be hellish.) and it can cause intense outbursts especially when other people begin to socialize or get involved.

Now that I’ve laid the ground level knowledge to understand where I’m coming from, I think that Greta was an FP which explains the obsessive behavior, as well as the way brahms acts regarding malcolm. He’s clearly irritated by him especially since malcolm is out here making moves on her lol. (def doesn’t help that his parents really did pull the “shes yours” card as if that wasn’t a whole ass human being) I also think this is why he steals her shit too (I know theres the whole fucking doll thing which is weird but also this is a grown man whos been isolated for years. Though with as tidy as his room is i don’t think the tissues you see on the bed are from uh.... the purposes everyone thinks. The letter from his parents was there and a photo. Idk bout you all but i sure as hell wouldnt be getting horn knee in front of that shit ESPECIALLY after their deep dive but thats me.) He has impulsive issues and general fucking lack of restraint which is also apart of bpd. Coupled with the bordering obsessive behavior that comes with having an FP it’s hoog. It’s also why I think he reacted the way he did with cole (is that his name? idk the abuser.) Not only was he trying to deal with it in a relatively harmless demeanor by being spooky, but the moment it was clear as hell that 1) his doll that has been a fill in for him was destroyed and 2) greta was in danger; he was PISSED. I’m talking throw caution to the wind. The walls rattled, he busted the mirror (which is fucking painful and dangerous mind you. He’s fucking barefoot. He did not think about that shit. It’s why he killed him too I think. Tunnel rage is pretty common. You don’t think, some people black out. And if you rewatch the scene, the moment he looks at greta (who he was mindful to keep her out of harms way, pushed her but made sure she wasn’t hurt) He realizes she’s scared and you can hear him go ....i know, i know. and when he grabs her, it wasn’t to kidnap her. I think he was hugging her and trying to move her out of the room to cool off at best. In his eyes he’s known her, he’s been there, she cares deeply for him. He thinks that kind of contact and boundary breaching is alright. This is his FP after all and he loves her. Finally theres the whole scene of him bartering with her trying to make her stay after he knocks out malcolm (poor malcolm jesus.) So when I first was going into the movie, I legit thought he had killed every nanny who had come around and I think people also believe that because of how he barters but I don’t think he’s actually killed anyone besides cole (emily cripps I’m convinced was an accident. I know the movie explains he was possessed and started the fire to avoid punishment and smashed her head in but fuck the second movie I don’t believe that shit for a second. I have a whole theory on that but I’m not discussing that right now.) He clearly manipulates or tries to when greta is leaving. He starts with the child voice, clearly ready to regress back into what he deems as the most acceptable version of himself. The child. I mean for christ sake his parents couldn’t view him anymore than an 8 year old and actively ignored it like yikes. So of course he’s going to use that, when it’s clear it’s not working he demands with aggression, and then goes straight into bartering. Using threats particularly. “I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him just like the others!!” I know for me personally, I’ve behaved this way. When you fear abandonment, you’ll do anything to keep people around. People who have untreated bpd can sometimes behave in extremely inappropriate ways and in ways that are harmful. It’s pretty ugly I’m not gonna lie. I know when I was younger and before I knew I have threatened to kermit dye to keep someone around (I’ve grown and I know better now. I was also a fucking child so please don’t come for me.) So I can see brahms desperate attempt to keep her is in line. I also think when he mentions the others he’s referring to a) emily who again I’ll be happy to explain if you or anyone else would like b) his parents because p sure he’s convinced he drove them to kermit dye c) cole or whatever his name is.

As far as him having autism, Honestly It’s literally because when I watched it he had the vibe tm. I can’t explain it but my friends who have autism called it too. I think it attributes to the photos of him as a child, he isn’t smiling and that’s a pretty common thing among kids with autism. Not to mention, he may have had no interest in socializing or doing much of anything that is often required of aristocratic families. I mean his father said he was odd. Always had been. Which I don’t know why that personally for me leaned towards he was autistic but the idea that his parents were ableist and didn’t want to get his ass help and rather be rid of him. It’s not a stretch. Rich families are fucking terrifying and if you don’t fit the look well. Yikes. He just strikes me as someone who likely was autistic and now has it layered with extensive trauma which makes a funky mess. I’m pretty neurodivergent (honestly beginning to think I could be but shhhhhhhhhhhh we don’t talk about it lol) and he reminds me of friends a lot. It’s a little hard to explain. But I can see him just having little to no interest in socializing and is far more interest in music (a potential special interest) or reading and often was paired or forced to be with emily due to family ties (money, arranged marriage, its hard telling.) Not to mention I don’t think he knows his own strength? which isn’t a trait of autism (it’s not a gene that does that and even sometimes it can cause issues with motor functions.) but it reminds me of someone I know who has autism. Again not knowing your strength and being strong doesn’t tie to autism I can’t stress that enough, but like it’s just an odd tie to people I know who also happen to be autistic.

My brain does this fucking meme:

[hwichanis]

Hello. I've been wanting to get into SF9 for awhile now and I was wondering, what would you recommend variety show wise / music wise.

Hi, hi!! Welcome new Fantasy so happy to have you here. I hope you know that getting this ask makes me immeasurably happy. My sf9 boys are beyond talented and it brings me a lot of joy to be able to recommend things to you!! I'm sorry this ending being horribly long and has a million links, but I hope you find it helpful!

Variety Shows:

League of SF9egends

Secret Code 9

Trip With Fantasy

SF9 Fact in Star <- Be prepared to die of laughter.

Mafia Dance (Poor Chani this whole episode ;-;)

SF9 Sangsa

They will also be on Weekly Idol next week, July 13th, so check them out!! :D

Title Tracks: These are personal favorites!

Summer Breeze

RPM

Mamma Mia (They said their new comeback has a similar style and I'm excited)

Easy Love

Savior This is actually a Universe release! But the video and song are sooooo good.

B-Sides: These are some that I really love. I tried to pick from a variety of their albums so there is a good spread. :)

My Song, My Story (It's actually one of my favorites in all of kpop)

Shadow

On and On (Inseong and Youngbin)

Fire

Jungle Game

Play Hard

Love Again

Liar

Some Really Amazing Performances: Quite a few of these are covers but, I feel like you get a better idea of a group's talent when they are out of their elements so I wanted to include them. :)

"The Stealer" Kingdom Legendary War

"Move" Kingdom Legendary War (Best performance from the whole show imo)

"Love Shot" KCON 2019 NY × M COUNTDOWN

"Good Guy" Comeback Stage

"RPM" SF9 LIVE FANTASY #2 UNIXERSE

"Fanfare" Debut Stage

"K.O." Debut Stage (Literally some of the most insane choreography in kpop)

"Be Mine/Growl/I Need You" KCON Japan 2017

Dramas: This may be a little on the extra side since I know that watching dramas is a whole new level of commitment, but SF9 are frequently in dramas... likely more than any other group. It feels like such a huge part of who they are so I wanted to include it! These boys have been in so many!! You can get a full list here, but some fantastic dramas they have been in are:

Hwiyoung & Chani / Imitation - they were part of a project group called "Shax". Hwiyoung even gets his own romance sub-plot, and it is just the CUTEST.

Rowoon / Extra-ordinary You - He has been in a ton of dramas, but this one is my favorite. It's about comic book characters who are trying to change their destiny.

Dawon /Doom at Your Service - This one is about a girl who is dying who makes a deal with a god of doom. Dawon plays the little brother and has an adorable bromance with the male lead. It's such a cutesy character, but the show is pretty top tier and he does such a good job!

[littlcfreaks-archive]

closed starter for @thekoolkat

plot: accidentally swapped phones with someone at a party and don’t realize until their mom calls in the morning and you spend like three hours talking to this hilarious woman about life and when you go to her house to return her kid’s phone wow the kid is the really good kisser from the party last night au

Parties were really not Phoebe's normal 'scene' - you were much more likely to find her sitting in the library or in a cafe. However, her friends were insistent that at 26, she was becoming a 70 year old lady about to end up with 12 cats. So, she went out and had a mediocre time. Except for him. She had no idea who he was, what his name was, or where to find him. It was only one kiss, but she couldn't get it out of her head, even the next morning as she was getting ready for her day. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. "That's weird." Her phone was never off of silent, but she picked it up without thinking about it. An unfamiliar woman's voice was on the other line, "Hello? My son left his phone at a party last night. I think he may have yours." Phoebe looked at the phone again, and confirmed to the woman, "Oh, no. I really need my phone, like soon. I'm waiting on a call about my thesis!" She internally started to panic, but the woman continued, letting her know that she could stop by in a few hours and pick up her phone. She let out a sigh of relief.

The woman on the other end introduced herself and they continued to talk - about Phoebe's concerns with the direction of her life, the pressure her parents put on her to support the entire family after college, and about her fears of ending up single. Before she knew it, they had been chatting for hours like they were old friends, "Well, I guess I'll see you soon. I'm on my way now to drop off your son's phone." They said their goodbyes, looking forward to meeting one another in person. It wasn't long before Phoebe arrived at the house and knocked on the door. Her mouth dropped when the door opened. It was him. "Wh- wha.." Her voice trailed off in shock, "Its you. Well, here's your phone." She held the phone out to him, "I need mine back."

[sunkenmooncurator]

@ofamelias 

Where: Sunken Moon Gallery

When: May 18

Who: Remi and Amelia

He let's out a breath, nervously adjusting his tie once more. Pure silk won't make a difference between his new exhibit failing or succeeding but he's still chosen his best suit. It's the first time he's managed anything as incomparable as Leonardo DaVinci and had someone outside the art world as notable as Amelia Bones attend. He’s not sure which one curls the pit of his stomach more. However, if he fails, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t look good doing it. 

A few of his closer acquaintances are already present, wine in hand and critical gaze in place. He knows the look, a stern but serene gaze to hide excitement. He’s managed an impressive feat, with no shortage of hoops to jump through to get there; their had even been a certain challenge in ensuring everything was Kosher which Remi had found amusing. It had cost him more than a few favors to people he wasn’t sure he wanted to be indebted to. The promise of Amelia’s presence was worth it though, a step out of the shadows he had lived in for so long. 

Remiel crosses the room immediately when he spots Amelia. Relief floods his chest, though he can’t say why he was so afraid she wouldn’t come. Would it really matter in the end? Besides some flickering curiosity of his own desires, the consequence of her presence was entirely personal. He offers her a hand, his voice blooming like an ounce of fresh cream in a cup of hot coffee, “Benvenuta Miss Bones. . . Amelia. I’m so pleased you made it. I can only imagine how hard it is to find the time so I’m very grateful you have. I would like to formally welcome you to ‘God is a Woman’. A little on the nose I know, but what is art without a little pretentiousness?” 

[suiheisen]

studio trigger understood the assignment. i would let her wreck me.

[madegeeky]

31 Days of Horror Movies (3/31)

FIND ME THAT FOOTAGE AND FAST, SUPERNATURAL EDITION

I fucking love me some found footage. Just love it. Everyone has that one sort of trope that they go absolutely bonkers over and this is mine. I love that anyone can make a found footage horror film as long as they have a video camera and some friends that are willing to play along. I love seeing the ridiculous reasons people make up to keep the characters recording everything. And I really really love it when I get a movie from this trope doing something different and interesting.

I've broken up the movies by a read more because otherwise this was just way too long. Those above the read more are those I'd recommend to anyone who's interested, in general, in horror. Those below the read more are those I'd only recommend to fans of found footage specifically.

Paranormal Activity: When strange things start happening in a young couple's home, they decide to set up a video camera in an attempt to capture evidence of the supernatural. ... Despite The Blair Witch Project being most people's Found Footage Film, this is mine. All the movies recommended here were made after this movie for good reason. Paranormal Activity takes what BW did and hones it, showing the genre in a whole new light. It revitalized the trope and it's easy to see why. (Also, one of the few movies to cause me to shiver.)

Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum: The crew of a horror web series travels to an abandoned asylum for a live broadcast. ... Despite my squeeing, I generally go into most horror movies expecting that it won't be good but hoping to at least be entertained. So I'm always so happy to make finds like this one. Having some truly original and creepy moments, it's one of the few movies that actually creeped me out by doing something that's not inherently creepy.

Grave Encounters: A tv show about paranormal investigators decide to lock themselves in a haunted psychiatric asylum for an episode. ... This is probably one of my favorites. The relationships between the characters are great, the situation is chilling, and they do such a good of embracing that feeling of being trapped. There was actually a moment in this movie where I gasped because it was so perfect and horrible. Loved it, definitely recommended.

Found Footage 3D: A group of filmmakers set out to make their own found footage film, the first one in 3D. ... This movie is very much a look at the trope as a whole. I, as a fan, find what they're saying about the genre and the way they play with it fascinating. There are a few things they do that made me go, huh, that's perfect, I can't believe no one has thought of that before.

Hell House LLC: The opening night of a haunted house goes terribly wrong and the only proof of what really happened is the video log the staff was making. ... There isn't anything necessarily new or original about this particular movie (though there is a couple scenes that are quite creepy) but it does everything so well that if you like found footage, this is definitely worth checking out.

Unfriended: While video chatting one night, a group of friends receive a message from someone who says they're the classmate that killed herself a year ago. ... I feel like no one loves this movie but me. :( I love the way the characters interact and instead of seeing everything through a camera, you see it all through the desktop of the main character, to great affect. Definitely for found footage fans.

Blair Witch (The Blair Witch Project #3): People on a camping trip discover that something is lurking in the woods. ... Listen, I'm just not a fan of the original Blair Witch Project, I'm sorry. I actually didn't see it until recently and found it largely underwhelming. I found this one much more compelling and creepy but I'm well aware that I'm in the minority here.

Host: Six friends hire a medium to do a seance via zoom during lockdown. ... At under an hour this is a short sweet snack of a movie. On top of that, it's quite good. The things that happen are creepy and start off small (which I always love). The different relationships between the characters are interesting and help ground the story which is definitely needed for such a short film.

[the-boy-meets-evil]

4, 9, 21, 23 and 24 for the bias game!!!

(wanna ask soooooo many more.... but, let's just go with these first 👀)

- Love you loads 💕💗❤️

omg you are too sweet, thank you 💕 ask me some bias questions

4. who do you think would give the best hugs?

starting out with a hard choice (or maybe i just have a lot of biases), but i'm going to say mingi. he's a giant human and he's very cuddly so i just feel like he'd envelope you in the most comforting way.

9. are there any general trends you notice in your biases?

idk my friends constantly tell me that my biases are predictable. i tend to gravitate a lot towards sunshine-y humans that are always smiling and being supportive. especially if they get on stage and turn lethal. i'm also a sucker for a main dancer.

21. talk about one of your favorite features of a bias

i'm gonna go with the number 1 loml hobi for this (because i miss him a lot). there's so many things to talk about. he's stunning, he's insanely talented, he's hardworking, he's just wonderful. but my favorite thing is the way he shows up to support the people he loves and cares about. he's the number one cheerleader and i love it (and him). also gonna add a cut for the last two because there's pictures.

23. any particular clips you find comforting of a bias?

for hobi: carpool karaoke specifically. for him and dk both: any time they smile for real.

24. any favorite funny moments of a bias

sorry dk, but this one moment from going seventeen specifically:

[mintysammys]

Go white boy go

[mienar]

close-ups of a commission i did a while back! 🌱

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