#i've had issues with this same person trying to tell me (a lesbian) that men can be lesbians

[protectcosette]

this may be a controversial opinion but if you're still exploring your identity, some labels should be put on hold until your understanding of yourself is a little more concrete

[disaster-theysbian]

Gotta say, I've been out as a lesbian for 3 years and nonbinary for a year and a half. And I've noticed something.

Just because someone *always* gets your name and pronous correct, and angrily calls out anyone who forgets, doesn't necessarily mean they support you.

Conversely, just because someone struggles to remember your name and pronouns, or can't wrap their head around gender neutral/neo pronouns at all, doesn't necessarily mean they DON'T support you.

This is applicable to any situation really not just queer shit. Watch what people do, not just what they say, and you will find your friends. Someone might shower you with compliments and have common interests with you, but what happens when you tell them no? Do they get angry when they are corrected? Do they have kind things to say about other people?

My colleagues wouldn't know a gender-neutral pronoun if one hit them in the face with a dictionary, but they make sure I've had a lunch break and get home safely. They have my back if I have a difficult patient. They defend me against other staff members who like to create drama and bitch about people as if they're still in the school playground. If someone has something to say about me being a big ol' queer, they make it known that discrimination has no place in our unit.

My best friend in the whole entire world forgets my name and pronouns every day. When the organisers of her therapy group changed "men and women" to "people" and "he/she" to "they" in order to be more inclusive, there was outcry. Everything from the "it just doesn't sound right" grammar-policing nonsense to the "f*cking special snowflakes are offended by everything". She came down on them like a ton of bricks. She said if the organisers hadn't told them that it was changing, that they wouldn't have noticed. She told them they obviously haven't loved someone outside of the gender binary and they were missing out. She then told them how she had seen me grow and develop since I came out, and how in awe she was of the person I had become. No, she doesn't understand it at all, but why should that mean that she can't be there for me and appreciate how happy I am to be able to be me? Why should that mean, because you lot don't understand it, that someone with the same issues as the rest of the therapy group feels unsafe and unwelcome and doesn't get their issues resolved? As a result, a few of them changed their minds, INCLUDING HER OWN FATHER, and the rest at least shut the hell up about it.

ON THE FLIP SIDE...

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns delighted in making me walk on eggshells, inventing reasons to be angry with me, convinced me I was a terrible person and even went as far as to try and turn me against my own therapist. They tried to tell me that my therapist only said I was a good person because she was paid to, and that because they themselves had a psychology degree that they could tell I had all these complexes and needed to work hard to be a good person, and it was unlikely I'd never get there. (I chose to listen to my therapist and stop being friends with this person).

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns continued to do things that made me uncomfortable when I asked them to stop. Never said in as many words "you're not allowed to hang out with your friends" but conveniently had an emergency every time I had plans, and accused me of being uncaring if I needed my own space. They knew I had difficulty asking for help, but still got angry with me when I asked because I didn't ask "soon enough".

A queer person who used my correct name and pronouns told me they would look after me and they didnt. .

A queer person threatened to misgender me MORE when I corrected them.

I'm just saying, that if you choose to yeet everyone who doesn't get your name and pronouns right... that doesn't necessarily make you safe. We live in a very binary world. As much as we want that to change, it won't if we ignore or shout at the bits we don't like. (Believe me, I've tried).

[willalove75]

stop simping over women and pay attention to your husband. You clearly made your choice to be with a man and have his child rather than choose a woman. You bisexual women don’t get to exist in lesbian spaces when you lean towards men. Unless your husband lets to you step out on your marriage or lets you have delusional thoughts that any lesbian would want a woman knocked up by a man. You bisexual women who lean more towards men or are with men have no right to be in sapphic or lesbian spaces. And lady d is a lesbian so as if she would be with someone who let a man touch them let alone knock them up.

Oh, I'm sorry, did my husband tell you that I'm not giving him enough attention? Didn't think so.

Yes, I made a choice to be with him, because I fell in love with him. Because he's my best friend and my biggest supporter in everything I do (yes, he even supports my writing and fics and he tells me often how proud he is of me). I did not chose him because he's a man. Truthfully, his gender had absolutely nothing to do with why I married him. I just happened to fall in love with and marry a man, but that does NOT make me any less of a bisexual woman.

"You bisexual women..." and people question whether or not bi-erasure is a thing, meanwhile, this entire ask is such a great example of just that😒

"delusional thoughts that any lesbian would want a woman knocked up by a man." is truly offensive to not only every bi woman who has been with a man, but any woman who has. What about the lesbians that got pregnant by men?? Because this may come as a shock to you, but it does happen. It may not happen a lot or often, but it does. Does that mean that those women are "tainted" or "ruined" also??? No it fucking doesn't, you idiot.

It really makes me laugh when people try and use a fictional character to make a real life argument. You want to know why? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUCKING REAL!!! So honestly, you have absolutely no idea if that's true or not because she's a fake fucking character from a video game. Are you also this upset at the fic writers who make her trans??? Or what about fic writers that make Alcina's partner trans??? Or are you just that much of biphobic person and this is the hill you're choosing to die on?? Either way, you're an actual bigot.

This post just SCREAMS biphobia and bi-erasure and it's fucking gross. You are so very obviously projecting your own issues and insecurities in this and honestly I would be embarrassed if I were you. Because not a single thing you said is true AT ALL or holds any merit.

Bisexual women who lean towards men or who are with men ABSOLUTELY do belong in those spaces. Just because a bisexual woman is married/with a man or leans towards men does not discredit or change their sexuality. No bi person automatically becomes straight if they date/marry the opposite gender or become gay/lesbian if they date/marry the same gender. It's called BIsexual. More than one gender. You do not get to invalidate every bi person with this shitty (and inherently wrong) opinion.

I know you wrote this trying to get a rise out of me, and congratulations because you succeeded. But I also know that people like you leave messages like this because they feel so broken and hurt and shitty that they want others to feel like that too. Unfortunately for you, I grew up in the era that birthed anonymous hate messages so you'll have to try harder next time. Not only that, but I am proud and confident in who I am and no pathetic anonymous (especially anonymous, you pussy) message is going to shake me.

I am a proud bisexual woman. I am proud to be married to my husband. I am proud that I will soon be the mother of a little boy who I will raise to be a much better person than you'll ever be. I am proud of what I've written and no, I will not stop.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/732092052701052929/im-actually-really-really-tired-of-reading-posts?source=share

Ok, so, I'm the transsexual gay anon you're trying to vague.

First off, my ask was inspired by a reblogger from here who claimed that the reason straight men don't enjoy romance novels is because straight men are uncomfortable when women in fiction have agency. Lots of other commenters and rebloggers debunked that idiocy, but any point anon might have had about misogyny in straight men's choice of reading material was undermined when they described all straight men (a group which people like to forget includes trans men) as raging misogynists, instead of discussing a systemic issue in men's choice of reading material, or even talking about misogyny as a cultural problem. (By the way, if your response to this is to turn around and say that straight trans men don't count when you're talking about straight men as a group, the word for that is misgendering)

So, lets take your post point by point.

1.) I never said that male privilege isn't real, you're the one who made that up.

2.) it's possible to discuss systemic issues like the wage gap without pretending that trans men always have exactly the same male privilege as cis men, AND without pretending that they aren't men. You are correct to point out that privilege is not exactly identical for every single person, but ignoring that trans and gay people exist is not actually good praxis.

3.) "men don't have to take precautions against strangers of the opposite sex potentially assaulting them whereas women learn to do this from an early age" You forgot to slap "cis" on there. This is an accurate (if broad) statement about cis people. I grew up having to worry about the same exact things a cis girl worries about. The fact that I identify as a man and pass well today does not retroactively shield me from gendered violence or harassment back when everyone who saw me thought I was a teenage girl. Also, homophobic violence exists and men (cis or trans, straight or not!) who don't conform to their culture's standards of masculinity have to watch out for it, often to the same extent that women need to watch out for misogynist violence.

4.) no one asked you to pretend that cis men have it worse than trans lesbians, you made that up.

5.) Honestly, anon, the fact that you think that LGBT men like myself are insignificant and that our feelings don't matter tells me everything I need to know about you as a person (and very little about your political ideologies).

6.) you're right, it isn't about me. It's about systemic problems. Demonising an entire gender does not solve systemic problems. Transphobia and homophobia are also systemic problems, and overlap a great deal with misogyny (I've heard it argued that all three are actually the same thing directed at different people). You can't solve one while pretending the others don't matter.

7.) You're right! Trans men who don't pass are subject to the same crap that cis women are! You outright stating that their feelings about this don't matter doesn't help anyone, no, not even cis women.

6.) Acutally, "all men are scum" is radfem rhetoric, no matter if you allow trans men to be scum or try to define us out of manhood.

--

[carabiner-axe]

wish people stopped having an issue or just being weird about how i look. i sat down next to my mum to talk to my uncle, my aunty, and my 91y.o. nana over a videocall and my mum was like, "look, she got her haircut, now she looks like a boy again" (as if my hair wasn't already short before i got it done again at the barbers on friday, and as if she's never had short hair herself) and i had to try and laugh it off like, "don't be silly, i just look like a girl with short hair!" and my nana was like, "oh, you aren't going that way, are you, wanting to be a boy?" and i was like, "no, no, i just like my hair like this, that's all there is to it" and my nana was like, "do people treat you like one? how do people treat you with your hair that short?" and it's like, nana, i love you but you don't know i'm gay and get clocked for it. i love you, but i don't want to have to how to tell you i've had slurs yelled at me for having my hair be short (whether it's been "dyke", or the f-slur which isn't mine to say) or i've had a man follow me into the public loo (thankfully to only wash his hands but because he just wasn't paying attention and thought i was a boy going into the men's bathroom) or i've had older women be confused by me, i don't want to make you worry. i don't want my mum to want me to grow it out and dress femininely when it was suffocating me for most my teen years having to stick to the script. nana, i don't know how to tell you i'm just doing what i find most comfortable and what i've always wanted, but i just want you and mum and every other person confused by me to know i'm just a somewhat butch lesbian who prioritises personal comfort which so happens to be, dressing like this. being like this. that women CAN be like this, it doesn't mean we want to be anything else even if we don't always LIKE our bodies.

thankfully, my aunty was like, "oh, i imagine they just treat you like your ordinary self with your own unique personality!" and i was like, "yeah, sure, yes THANK you!" (mentally thinking, god, can we leave this? i got my haircut the same length i always do these days, it's not anything new, i am STILL ME)

[theaquinn-misc]

A-spec Lesbian

I decided to make my own list of things that have helped me realized I'm gay. Disclaimer: I'm not the arbiter of what makes someone an aspec lesbian, however if you experience some or most of these it's something to consider. Disclaimer 2: I've also not had a lot of experience dating so I can't include much of that here. This post will be divided in 3 sections: Men, Women and NBs and media

Men:

only crushing on "unavailable" men: married, in a relationship, much older, gay, fictional, celebrities

"crushing" on men and enjoying fantasizing about them, but not trying to flirt or even get close to them in any way

"crushing on a man" for a set period of time and then and thinking he's the hottest thing since sliced bread, but later (especially after a physical separation) finding him meh or cringey

fantasies about men having more to do with being happy and fulfilled in life and being seen as someone to be jealous of, not so much about the specific person

having a crush/attraction to a man only for him to return it and you realize that you feel uncomfortable

meeting a guy who is conventionally attractive and meets all your standards and telling yourself you are attracted to him but still feeling a weird pressure in your stomach/chest because "something is missing"

liking a guy, until he changes something minor about his appearance (shaves, does his hair differently) and then finding him basic/meh and losing all attraction to him

never understanding what women see in the men they date or like in media, at least looks-wise

finding even extremely conventionally attractive men to be kinda meh and thinking women attracted to men must be exaggerating how hot they find them

being uncomfortable when you find out a man has a crush on you and wanting him to stay away, but with women/nbs it's just a bit awkward and overall no big deal

having to force sexual and romantic fantasies for men and getting bored of them after a while

finding the most aesthetically attractive man in a group and deciding you are attracted to him (bonus points: being relieved when you find out he's taken/ and/or you could never date him for some reason)

being anxious or sad or bored when you imagine your life with a man

only wanting to date men if it's polyamorous (note: this is not to invalidate poly people, but if you can only imagine dating one gender ONLY if it's poly and having no issues to be monogamous with another gender... that might be something to look into)

getting sad/anxious/bored at the idea that your first boyfriend could be your forever partner. thinking "of course i want to experience life before I settle down"

wanting to dress sexy and reveal your body, but wanting to hide it when a man pays attention to you

Men expressing their attraction to men is more relatable than women expressing their attraction for men Women/ NBs:

finding only a few men aesthetically attractive but nearly every woman/queer/nb person (esp more femme ones) being gorgeous to you

wanting to impress and/or be liked by "special" women

going on dating apps and switching to "women only" even though you are (supposedly) bi/pan (note: some people may do this for safety reasons but if you can't even IMAGINE finding a guy off an app, even if you take all possible precautions, well...)

finding the fantasy of sharing your life with a woman/nb person far more rewarding and satisfying than the fantasy of doing those same things with a man

having some inkling of attraction to trans women pre-coming out, but suddenly thinking they are the most gorgeous people ever post knowing they are women(especially if they go on HRT),

really "admiring" masc/butch women and women who break gender roles (women in suits, women with defined muscles etc.)

thinking that everyone thinks women are more aesthetically attractive than men (hint: ask a gay man about this)

having deep feelings about a female actor, singer, teacher growing up etc. that feel special and unique

feeling guilty in locker rooms, not wanting to look at women too long

getting really excited at the idea of having a gf, or being a girl/nb person's gf/ partner but not feeling the same way about dating boys/men

wishing to be a lesbian because you think lesbians are cool and/or to avoid dating men

feeling uncomfortable feelings about the label lesbian, especially when applied to you (but not gay/queer/sapphic/wlw/nblw etc.)

not getting crushes on women IRL often because you're still aspec

getting crushes on fictional women, influencers, celebrities etc. Media:

never relating to m/f pairings even if they have bi/pan characters or the m/f relationships you see in media or around you.

shipping m/f, but thinking "that's cool for them, but I don't want that" (note: this might also have to with gender, if you're nb)

imagining yourself as the "man" in m/f ships never the woman

not relating to f/f ships with two thin conventionally feminine and usually white women (esp if you are fat, gnc, WoC, and/or are attracted to butch/masc women)

seeing posts about the attractiveness of men but relating them to m/m ships, not yourself

wanting every bi/pan character to be in a "gay" or at least, in a visibly queer relationship

only relating to m/f ships if they are more obviously queer. Like say, masc woman with a twink boyfriend (side note, I've never seen that, so if you have recs please send them my way)

only being able to get off on gay/lesbian porn, finding straight porn to be unsatisfying or boring or uncomfortable (note: porn is not a great way to determine sexualaity as most actresses are fetishized and fake prgasms, and most lesbian porn is not made for sapphics. but still) Things you are allowed to do as a lesbian/don't make you less gay:

Have m/f ships you feel strongly about

read/write m/f smut

relate to/write bi/pan characters

joke about liking celebrity men & fictional men

not be attracted to the women the lesbian community has decided are the hottest thing since sliced bread (Kristen Stewart is not everyone's type)

not be comfortable with certain sex acts or sex as a whole

[gnometa233]

It's bad enough these lesbophobes on tumblr see butch lesbians as "men lite" but it gets worse because the way they talk I can tell they think masculinity is for men only. If I wanted to hear that I would just listen to a cishet man talk about how butches are "copying him" instead.

It's baffling! Like we've gone back in time and we're back to the gender binary of masculine = man and feminine = woman. I genuinely don't think these people have ever seen a gnc woman in their LIVES. Not just a slightly edgier femme. And I don't even wanna get into how much worse this is for gnc trans people of all genders. How little respect they get from these same people

Time to get personal now: I'm even thinking about starting to bind because sometimes I don't want my tits to by out (I'm also trying to lose weight +gain muscle by changing my diet + home cooking + exercise but it's a Slow Process and i have a killer sweet tooth) but I don't want people to assume I'm abandoning my womanhood cuz I'm not!!! I'm still a fucking woman even if I wear more masculine clothes and bind. I've tried he/him and they/them pronouns and other gender identities and it just never felt right. To me, it felt like a cover up of bigger issues I had with myself and problems society had with women in general. That's a discussion for another day tho and I'd love to talk about it sometime.

Point is: gender presentation does not equal gender identity. If people don't get this right ima start biting people

[johannestevans]

Hey, I'm a big fan of your work and longtime follower, and I have a question re: navigating hookups while having Issues if you have the time and feel like you can answer (or want to toss it out to your followers.)

Basically, I have some pretty extensive csa trauma, and I haven't had a lot of sexual experience. I've been doing a lot of self-discovery lately and have been really intensely craving and fantasizing about getting to know and play with some cocks. I'm in the process of doing therapy for the trauma and extracting myself from a shitty relationship situation, and while I've had some fun exchanging pictures and videos online, I want to try dipping my toes into exploring irl hookups...

...but I'm not sure what the best way to navigate the potential trauma timebomb is! I genuinely don't know whether or not I'll end up getting triggered when I'm actually faced with a real cock in front of me, because I've never been in that situation as an adult. I'm not looking for another relationship, although I wouldn't mind an ongoing casual fooling-around-buddies type of thing. And while I'm okay with fantasy talk and exchanging pictures/videos, right now at least I'm not comfortable actually letting someone else touch/see my body when we're together - I pretty much just want to find someone who has a dick who is cool with letting me play with it for a while.

I'm not sure what the most, I guess, graceful way of communicating "I've had bad experiences in this area and I'm trying to experiment and really want to just touch someone's junk for a while without any reciprocation at all, but also I don't really know what I'm doing, and also there's a nonzero chance that trying might freak me the fuck out" - I have a pretty good idea of what I know are firm boundaries and where I suspect there could be problems, but I'm just not sure how to go about communicating it in a hookup app type environment without telling random strangers way more about my life and business than I want to.

So I was wondering, since you've also mentioned dealing with similar experiences if not having exactly the same type of issues bc of it, if you had any suggestions for when or how to bring it up in a way that communicates the necessary information without getting into the nitty-gritty details?

Honestly, Anon, I think you're overthinking it a little - you don't ever need to explain anything at all, let alone get into the details.

You don't even need to focus on not wanting to be touched - you can put the focus on wanting to touch and play with the other person without a need or desire for reciprocation.

Some people want to just show up and give someone a handjob or a blowjob with no reciprocation, and it's the most normal thing in the world - lesbians have stone butches, gay men absolutely have similar equivalents where like...

Someone might not want their dick touched because they have erectile dysfunction; they might be in a chastity cage, or have an agreement with partners or doms that they not be touched below the belt; they might be celibate, semi-celibate, or ace; they might be very sensitive and prone to premature ejaculation or immediate; they might be going somewhere else later and don't want to come too soon; they might be insecure about the size or shape of their genitalia; they might be poz or have lasting anxieties around HIV or other infections and thus prefer only giving oral without receiving anything or doing other forms of penetrative sex; they might, like you, be traumatised or otherwise touch-averse. They might just be in the mood to suck a dick!

I think your brain has jumped to the explanation part when like...

I don't think a lot of people would necessarily ask in the MLM cruising scene? Like.

If I've showed up and said, "listen, I just want to suck your dick then hit the bricks, that cool?", I doubt that you're gonna go, "Hey, why only the dicksucking? Why don't you want to do something else?" because like. We met up for the dicksucking thing, and I already said I didn't want to do anything else. People are generally chill with that because like I said, there's a million reasons why.

To use an example, like... I frequently tell hook-ups I'm not interested in kissing on the mouth, or that I don't like kissing on the mouth, which generally, I don't - I'm quite picky about it.

People have expressed disappointment when I've said I don't like it, or gone, "Aw, okay," or similar. No one, out of dozens of men, has ever asked me why I don't like it in response to the boundary as I set it - a few have asked about it after we're done, and it's always been in a casual way that's curious and just interested in what makes other people tick.

The thing about the MLM cruising scene is that a lot of us are having a lot of sex. We're having sex with different people, we're learning what we like and what we don't like and what our quirks are, and in the process of that you become quite comfortable setting boundaries or asking for the specifics you like without worrying so much about if they're odd or weird or esoteric to other people - not wanting to be touched reciprocally when you're just interested in dispensing a blowjob or playing about with a dick is barely odd at all in the scheme of things, and even if it were, a lot of people wouldn't necessarily ask the whys and reasons for it. They'd just say "yes" or "no" as to whether they want to be involved.

And same for tapping out, like... Any reason, at any time, you can just say, hey, sorry, I'm not feeling this, and head out. It happens all the time!

[supercriminalbean]

Things that made me insane during criminal minds evolution:

Written while I watched so enjoy my bumbling mess. Spoiler alert of course.

Episode 7:

I've seen spoilers this time so I sad oh we. It's mainly only because of Garcia stuff.

The women in the opening looks like my old friend..huh weird.

Why did deputy dipshit do the opening quote gross.

Oh no it's the JJ and Penelope from season 3 scene but worseeeeee.

Emily is concerned and thinking.

Garcia baby you need a friend your obliviously not okay you need support.

Emily is a mood.

So I'm emotionally lately and Papa Rossi with Tara I'm cryinggg.

Okay no. I'm sorry but look I LOVE Tara I do and I get she just got broken up with but hear me out hear. When Luke and JJ almost died they didn't even get to go home for a sleep before they had to keep going on the case but Dave Is trying to get Tara to take 3 days off (hell yes she desever it but not my point right now) JJ in the last episode qas exhausted and honstely she's probably close to a break down and no one e is there for her apart from Will of course but what happened to the team that use to be a family please. It so broken.

I need David Rossi to give me a dad talk or someone to give me a dad talk please.

Where's Luke??? Ughh I'm over the writers.

Oh hi Luke never mind.

I fucking love Rossi and Luke they feed of each other I swear 😂

JJ your so quite baby. Your so pretty I love you.

The deputy douchbag is growing on me.

He was now no more.

Okay I love him again

Am I the only one who ships him and Emily? I mean no what no I don't...

Mm Ellias 😍

Rossi 😳😳 I uh um. I was looking at that yesterday to.

Everytime I hear them mention Reid I get excited but I know it's just teasing.

Boss, JJ, Double Boss. Only Garcia haha baby 😂

Emily freeze definitely scared the fuck out of Penelope you can't tell me otherwise. It scared me.

Emily is scared haha.

Emily same.

Committed to pleasure oh baby that's one type of pleasure huh.

He spent the night at my house..

EMILY GROAN IS ME I LIVE FOR IT.

EMILY FACE IS TO RELATABLE RIGHT NOW WHY IS SO HOT ALSO LIKE FUCK MOMMY?!?!!!

Penelope is scared and then was like a bitch like bruhh

I have to say tho even without Prentiss being a profiler just her being friends with Garcia for so long she knew she wouldn't call him today.

I can not take this episode seriously im sorry I love Garcia right now she reminds me of me this weekend.

I'm also Emily at my friend's decision in men.

The little I love you when she leaves.

Garcia needs to get her shit together but why is Noone asking her what she's up to? Does anyone check in on Penelope and JJ anymore like thoes two were always there for the team. Derek and Spencer were thier supporters and so was Hotch now they gone so just thoes two thinking they are all alone again because they have trust issues someone hug them please.

I'm starting to like deputy director he cool man just don't lie to people man, but damn he good at.

Why is Luke called Alvez by everyone it's weird.

Moose aww, I was also suprised the girl was alive.

Tara baby I wanna hug you.

Garcia please talk to him.

David Rossi I love you but why can't you fucking see that JJ and Garcia are not okay. Thank you.

Haha okay when the deputy director speaks and Rossi stares at him I just shkgfybsuajb fall in idk not love maybe I just need to get laid.

Bailey smile is cute haha dumbass I think you might die soon.

Fuck why is Luke in leather hot

The way Emily glance at him damn.

Okay I was hoping for Lesbian Emily this season ugh.

Mm Elias swearing 🥵🥵 holy crap me I'm not good

Nooo where did grace go???

Bitch don't follow the lights you dumbass

Aww I love this girl haha her view of God is great.

Garcia. Okay I know I KNOW we don't like this Tyler Green situation but his smile when she speaks is cute why can't I get a person to smile like that at me.

I love Garcia rambling its so cute.

Tyler getting it is good I like this it's good.

Um no do not go over!!! At least have Emily or JJ over please!! Or even better Luke... jealous Luke...please.

Ugh I'm sorry but I hate it I HATE it when females think they can push or slap other when annoyed or angry and think it's okay but if a man did it oh hell no. Ughhh Elias your wife annoys me.

Omg he was really so close to killing her and that's kinda hot and sad.. and I need therapy.

Grace and Ashley are awwww.

Bailey is cute and Emily Is adorable.

Bailey didn't lie, not suprise love it.

BAILEY I 100% UNDERSTAND I NEED MORE MEN MY DADS AGE TO DISAPOINT TO. but for different reasons...unless you also uhu.

Come and get it Mother fucker 😂

I hope Ashley lives.

Aww Bailey dumbass put pressure on the wound. I know it's late.

He's so sweet 😭😭 if I'm dying can he hold me please.

Oh no another crush on a fictional man ahhhhh noooooo. No no no. Oh fuck it why not.

Elias shot your wife please I don't like her.

He's not leaving for good it'd just a little while damn. Why they crying are they like not use to this. Doesn't he travel alot for work anyway I don't get it? Do I just have trauma and use to this shit?

Rossi ugh fuck you. Like yes Tara needs love but JJ just seems sad like please something wrong.

Holy fuck Will hi I missed you.

Oh shit 😂

I'm sorry but I love them but somethings wrong.

Noooo the case is closed haha Emily won't let that happen.

Tyler fuck off!!!!

He hot tho and the way he looks at her Is kinda cute.

TYLER SHUT UP PLEASE YOU ARE RUINING MY HOPES FOR LUKE.

I mean he's not lying Penelope Garcia also saved my life.

Her smile her smile her smile!

His smile his eyes.

No shut up Garia ew yes hot yes kinky yes I want you to say that to me (and Luke) but not him.

Like I don't like it but at least we finislly get to see Penelopes love life without stupid Kevin because when she dated Sam (season 9 to 11) IT DISAPPEARED.

NO PENELOPE NO! BAD PENELOPE!

Rossi please get some rest, I'm worried.

Oooh his own kill kit

Rossi gonna get himself killed.

Haha neighbor same, omg the song choice nooooo. Omg no no 😂😂

Okay I'm GARCIA! actually no I'm blaming that line on. KIRSTEN VANGSNESS!!!

THIS SCENE IS SO HOT HOLY FUCK.

His grin, the books,the heavy breathing. She totally rided him hard. But his hair isn't messed up weird.

Okay so um thoughts I know we want Derek go come back to knock some sense into Penelope but I don't think he's going to be that good... you know who we need.. we need and I know the Writers are going to really really struggle on this but um what about bringing but... JJ, Emily and Tara. OH WAIT THEY NEVER LEFT BUT SOMEHOW THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THOES FOUR IS COMPLETELY GONE!!!!!!!!!BRING IT BACK! Or at least JJ and Penelope or please please after season 13 Emily just doesn't seem to like JJ any more. WHY?! GIVE ME A REASON AND MY FAMILY BACK.

Also Luke. Why is he even in the show? If your not going to give him much to do your just fucking us off. WE WANT LUKE WE WANT MORE LUKE.

[urlocallsimp]

Believe victims first ❤️❤️❤️ ty for that statement. She had acid thrown on her face and there is other women and comments coming out. As a woman of latin origin, I feel he was just a very good manipulator and charismatic (Jonathan Meyers has a similar Charisma), which are sadly something very usual. Men nowadays use being humanists or feminists to desguise their misogyny/power trips, self serving!! I'm trying my best nowadays to mostly support and follow fellow women of color, eg mabel cadena (lesbian afaik).

Oh boy this turned out to be a pretty long reply but I just had to clarify where and how I stand w this situation. Just note that the 'you' in this is mostly used in a general way not specifically addressing you anon :) so here's my reply:

You absolutely don't need to thank me for that! It is my personal belief that as women it is our duty to stand with other women. I believe in believing victims first bc it's not about BELIEVING them blindily without proof in the sense of trusting they're being truthful but what that sentence means (to me at least) is STANDING with women, forming a defensive line protecting these victims from hate and showing solidarity, it is about sending a message to the patriarchal/sexist/misogynist world that we live in and the people (mostly men) that actively try to uphold it that way, that there is an equal force that is RESISTING IT and pushing back the silencing they're trynna impose on victims bc we see that they're trying to silence women and trying to pretend that SA doesn't happen and portray EVERY SA victim as a liar for money/attention. it's about SHOWING UP with ur morals and showing you are aware of these existent, continuous and repeated issues and you are against them. It is showing up bc it is an opportunity to fight.

I've seen the response of people to this situation throughout social media and it's mostly men immediately jumping to say it's another Amber Heard situation as if it's not a MEN situation, as if it's not that men are notoriously known for being shitty times and times again as if this issue doesn't happen and ALOT. So naturally, I'll side w women first (even if they turn out actual liars later on, bc yk what? men side with other men UNAPOLOGETICALLY, REGARDLESS IF THE MAN TURNS OUT SHITTY, THEY FIND WAYS TO VICTIM BLAME) but also bc I can SADLY EAAAASILY believe it happened, since it HAPPENS ALOT!! and if she's lying I DO NOT CARE, that's on her!!! That makes HER a shitty person, it doesn't change my morals or the way i approach these issues bc if one woman lies there are thousands others sadly not lying. And they're all accused of lying, not believed, attacked and bullied into retaliation, into shutting up, into fear, into reverting back to not daring say there is a problem in the world we live in, just so the system continues working in favor of men abusing and controlling women without any change or resistance! That's what I mean by standing w her, not bc i personally know her or that im 100% certain or convinced she's telling the truth but bc she's a fellow woman, bc it's a very REAL SERIOUS women issue that any of us can find ourselves in one day, it can happen to me, to u, to my sis, friends... Etc. Again, if she's lying that's on her and we can rest assured she'll be punished for it, if not judicially, then publically, i mean victims get punished for simply speaking, and are threatened with death, so let alone if it turns out they lied, have we not seen what happened to amber heard? All that public ridicule ??

And this supposed worry for him that she's lying and might ruin his career sounds so fake and soo 'awww men are the real victims in this world' to me bc hello!?!? R we living in the same reality or are u actively trying to pretend we're not living in a world that is biased towards men and protects abusive men. Have we not seen ezra miller strolling freely in the premiere of the flash like he's done nothing??

Men don't need you to defend them bc they're disproportionately at more advantage than the woman. + Counting the fact that SA is hard to proof + the fact that the court could be biased towards men in these situations. All of these factors stand against the women. U don't need to worry abt men. They seldom suffer consequences for their actions especially if they're famous and rich and have teams.. And if he turns out innocent and his career is damaged u better believe I'll be here rooting for him again and supporting him it's that simple.

Idk, this is how I see things, to me this situation is a typical man vs woman situation. I don't see it as a 'tenoch my beloved whom I wanna stay in denial about him VS someone who might be taking advantage of him'

And i wanna clarify that me standing w her is not an act of betrayal towards my previous love for tenoch (like some are actively trying to guilt his fans into) + if he is truly innocent and truly a feminist he'd actually understand, he'd know the importance of believing victims. As long as I'm not ACTIVELY hating on him or bullying him or being racist like some ppl are (which is fucked up). For now, I'm just absolutely NEUTRAL ABOUT HIM. My love and simping for him is just on pause until it is confirmed that he's absolutely innocent.

So, tbh about the second part of ur message about him being manipulative and all, I don't wanna engage in that, or in deciphering his statement or picking out red flags etc.. Bc people can see whatever they wanna see when they wanna see a fault, flaw or red flag.. Etc. Bc one day everything will be clear and we'll find out. As I said, I'm very neutral abt him for now.

To conclude, i stand w women the same way men (most) openly and actively and shamelessly stand with horrible men even after they were proven to be shitty, ex: andrew tate's fans. There is such a double standard that exists for women that many aren't aware they're falling for; Men can be soooooo easily flexible with their morals and support abusers whereas women have to absolutely make the most perfect rational logical CORRECT DECISIONS at all and any time. I choose to believe her simply bc she's my gender (at least for now) and if I'm wrong im wrong and we as women are allowed to be wrong. Men stand w men all the time even after they learn they're shitty. So, sorry I'm not sorry that I show up to my own gender the same way men (again most) show up unapologetically to their own gender.

And it's not an act of hatred towards Tenoch it's an act of defiance to the patriarchy/sexism/misogyny... It just happened to be a situation that involves tenoch in the mix.. But just bc i loved him alot, won't make me go easy on him (equally doesn't mean imma start bullying him). Neutral.

Anyways, wish you and everyone else safety and support throughout ur lives. Trust me as a North African (Algerian), the situation and men of my country aren't any better so I understand..

[discyours]

since you're a very ssa-leaning bi woman, have you've ever made people feel confused and like they seriously believe you to be a lesbian instead of bi? i don't read as straight at all, but i also apparently don't read as bi either. people of all orientations have told me that they seriously think me to be a lesbian, despite years of confusion on my end and 'trying' on labels before just shrugging and going "welp i'm just bi i think" right now. but i think it's the ssa-leaning part that's making things complicated. also, how does you being ssa-leaning bode with having this relationship with a man right now? does he know and does he ever get insecure about your desires oriented towards women rather than men? you don't have to answer if this is too personal but i feel like we have a lot in common regarding our orientation and trauma, so it's nice to hear from another like myself. <3

I'd say I'm pretty straight passing right now, but I did used to have an online lesbian friend/mentor who invited me to some kind of lesbian meetup after I'd realised I was bi. "I'm not a lesbian though" was met with "well it's for all young lesbians, regardless of what you're calling yourself right now". And semi dated a woman who also didn't really accept that I might be (or as it turns out, am) bi. I think the issue is that people take it quite personally when someone they heavily relate to identifies differently than they do. Society's pressure for women to be with men is really strong. You really have to be quite confident in yourself to assert that that isn't something that's going to work for you, and that confidence can be shaken when you meet someone who seems to be like you but doesn't consider themselves to be 100% incompatible with men. I don't really blame anyone for finding my sexuality confusing, I just ask that they grant me the same level of patience for initially mislabeling myself.

As for my bf, yes he absolutely knows and I think that's the reason that this is the first healthy, functional heterosexual relationship I've ever been in. Pressure is the death of healthy attraction, and in the past I've always felt the need to feign feelings I didn't have. Women are conditioned to always do The Nice Thing. Refusing to call someone handsome even though he just called you pretty is not The Nice Thing. Turning down a guy you aren't attracted to is not The Nice Thing. Telling your partner you don't love him back is not The Nice Thing. I actually convinced myself that I had a "type" for ugly (old, fat, just downright strange looking) men, because at least they don't expect you to find them handsome (doesn't work, they're insecure and I only ended up feeling more pressure to salvage their self esteem by lying to them).

When I first met my bf we had a good connection and bonded over both struggling to develop normal romantic feelings (in general, not towards each other) despite wanting to. I was 100% honest with him from the start about finding men (including him) ugly and there were never really any expectations that that'd change. Which I guess isn't the same as not having any hard feelings about it but he never has. All either of us has ever cared about is that we're both happy with whatever kind of relationship we have, and that's gradually grown into one where we're both physically and romantically attracted to each other.

Being more attracted to women than I am to men doesn't mean I'd leave him for some random woman who happens to be my type. It means I never could've built a relationship with him based on initial physical attraction. Once you're in a long term relationship I don't think it makes any sense to be insecure about that (and when we weren't in a long term relationship it didn't make any sense either, because the feelings required in order to be hurt weren't there). All being with me instead of a woman who does have a lot of surface attraction towards men means now is that he knows I'm attracted to him because of who he is and because of the degree to which he's been able to make me feel comfortable, not because he has abs (which he did when we met, and now he doesn't have to worry about losing them). The capacity to be attracted to other people is there for straight women too, so being bothered just because mine is aimed towards women would have to be based on either homophobia or an inability to believe that I actually like him. We wouldn't be in a relationship for very long if either of those applied.

[rikkami]

Whoa didnt think id do this ever, personal, venting about life, relationships and shit.

So uhh.. My girlfriend broke up with me. Funny how I made blog posts about her a few weeks ago and now we are here. The few past months I had noticed she wasnt as interested in me as she previously was and we had our share of issues (not fighting or arguing but like, she had a hard time reciprocating my feelings sometimes.) and turns out, she's a lesbian. Another one of my girlfriends turns out to not like men, it was funny the first 2 times but the 4th time it just hurts. Extra cherry on top, I came out as a woman to her slightly over a month or so, obviously I still am male presenting so its understandable that if you dont like men or feel any attracting to them the same goes for me, but uhh, something about that hurt even more. She truly was someone I could trust and talk to about everything, my best friend ever since I had a harder time keeping in touch with my highschool friends. We did talk about life and everything, nothing will probably break our friendship unless its me fucking something up again (it has happened before with other people). We made a promise to each other that if it gets too hard to be with her for me I'll tell her and if at anypoint during my transition she starts being into me again, she will tell that to me, that we would keep everything out in the open, but theres no reason for us to commit to what 4+ years of nothing. We'll continue cuddling when watching movies because we both like human touch etc, I just hope it isnt too much for me. And deep in my heart I really hope its just the physical part of me that she couldnt fall in love with and at somepoint we can return to how we initially felt. But going down that path is not I want to put myself on again, I know how it goes already. But I truly do feel lost because despite being in another relationship of 7 years before her, I dont think I've felt this much attraction since I was in love with a long time highschool friend of mine, and thats more than 8 years ago. Theres like only 3 people who might read this, so at the sametime I guess its my way of telling whats been down with my ass since I really dont do that ever. I still havent started transitioning, trying to get in contact with my doctor has been a fucking hassle, but my legs are epilated and im smooth as fuck boy. I'm any/all, always has been, because finnish language doesnt have gendered pronouns i dont care. New name will be a finnish variation of Rika-Lily Jenny Riikka coming from my mothers name (its a long story but she doesnt use that name) Lilja has an even more personal meaning that would take even longer to explain, but also apparently its the Yuri flower (i did not know) so uhh this ex teased me about that and we had a good laugh. oh and the boring part, Jerry, Jenny, its too easy.

[northern-passage]

hey, i hope you don't mind my asking and feel free to not respond, but what actually happened with twc? i've never played it, but i see you posting about it sometimes and what happened seems to be pretty major in the if community, but i haven't seen anything explaining what it is (besides some complete bs, of course). could you tell me?

alright i'm going to make one post about this only because i've gotten multiple asks about this, and i'm going to assume this is in good faith, but i implore you to just go through the twc tag and read what actual readers are saying - but for people that missed what initially happened, i'll try my best to condense it under the cut.

know that firstly this is not a one off incident but an accumulation of mistakes and inaction and general ignorance on mishka's and nai's part, and also that i am white and their apologies are not mine to accept, and that the best we can do right now is to listen to readers and writers of color and understand why people are upset and angry.

leading up to this incident, there have been multiple problems that readers have time and time again brought up to mishka and called attention to, including:

harmful stereotypes in the depiction of M, a person of color, as being crude and hypersexual - so much so as calling them "animalistic" at one point (mishka did apologize for this)

which also leads to repeated whitewashing of M, N, and F, and that their skintones and ethnicities have been treated as "spoilers" and were hidden behind a paywall for a period of time in which people unknowingly whitewashed the characters due to the poor in game descriptions and encouragement of mishka (the skintone swatches have since been posted and mishka/nai has completely stopped reblogging colored art of UB. they have never properly acknowledged this)

making all of unit alpha, who are werewolves, people of color, which is already a whole issue on its own within the supernatural genre, as well as perpetuating the stereotype that Māori men are aggressive and sexual, likening them to dogs, just so the vampire RO can be possessive/protective over the detective

F's character continuously being sidelined as the "black best friend" trope

the fact that apparently she has queer beta readers but the gay/lesbian intimate scenes with M are... like that.....

also this is me personally but the heterosexual ideals for unit bravo where they look different depending on their gender is something that really bothers me and while i could let that go on it's own, adding it on to the way the gay romances are clearly second thought compared to the straight romances makes it more of a problem

the way A's demisexuality was handled (this was the same time that the animalistic comment was made about M) - mishka stated that A was ace due to trauma, and then had them teased about it by F and M which was. a choice

this has accumulated and led us to what happened the other day. and i cannot stress this enough - these are all problems that have been brought to mishka's attention again and again and have been ignored again and again.

the other day nai/mishka were posting instagram edits for unit bravo and posted one for M in which M had a white hand. M is not white. for reference, this is their official color swatch released by mishka after pressure from the community:

people were rightfully angry and hurt by this and commented under the post expressing so. eventually this led to nai deleting the edits, and posting a very vague and self-pitying apology in which she did not explain what she did or why it was wrong and also made it seem like she was a victim, somehow. this then resulted in the comments under the apology exploding, with people throwing around racial slurs and harassing readers of color for not accepting said apology.

during this time, nai/mishka chose to post a cheeky picture of a beach and about how their holiday was going, completely ignoring the comments and notifications under the post as well as people fully @ing them in separate posts to bring attention to what was happening. i understand that if they were on holiday they may not have had the time/ability to fully address what was going on, but the tone-deafness of posting the beach pic and allowing their queue to run for some time and completely ignore what was happening was... not a good look.

eventually after a lot of pressure and suggestions from the community they completely turned comments off for their posts, as well as went through and deleted all the racist comments under the apology. they then made another statement promising to do better, and look into bias training and getting sensitivity readers.

how someone chooses to have over half their cast be people of color and not already have sensitivity readers is beyond me... but the real problem here is the repetition of the same mistakes and lack of acknowledgement or growth from mishka or nai.

they can keep making apologies and promises but they have been doing that since the beginning and there has been no change. i've said before i do not think either of them are willfully malicious, they are simply ignorant and privileged, but when you have a platform like this and have had these same issues come up again and again i think it's time to step back and actually listen to these criticisms. they also make an insane amount of money off their patreon - they can easily hire sensitivity readers with that.

they stress that they want their blog and fandom to be a safe place for everyone but they harbor racists and homophobes and refuse to take a firm stance against them, instead making hand-waving comments and empty promises while maintaining a center stance that can sway one way or another.

in both statements, mishka/nai paint themselves as victims, going so far as to blame fans for whitewashed content and saying they can't control them, and while this is true to an exent, it was also their choice to paywall the official art of unit bravo and choosing to reblog whitewashed fanart (with praise!!) early on. again, this has never been acknowledged by them.

and that brings us to today. i really don't have anything else to say - again, i really suggest you go through the twc tag and read what actual fans/readers of color are saying. i have not read twc since book 2 and have only been kept in the loop about all of this because some twc fans have consistently been harassing me and other authors for various things, and i'm going to be honest - i'm really fucking tired of twc.

i wish the best for mishka and i sincerely do hope she actually puts real effort into making changes going forward but forgive me for being a bit cynical about it when this is a repeated pattern of behavior from her. at the end of the day she's still going to put out 7 books with cog and continue to be a big name in the interactive fiction community. the least she can do is set a better example and put in the work to earn it

[shortkingvi]

I've read a few books that were marketed to me as like 'and its top ten queer books' and after putting it down i was just like oh so that actually just took time off my life like did we not have an editor?? did we just let this person write whatever no proofreading for narrative under the guise of 'its gay?' I'm not even sure what I'm upset about im trying to understand like is it bc queer writers have wobbly new writer legs? bc we havent been given the same amount of practise opportunities as the wider cishet authors have had? is it bc its a smaller pond so we just have fewer gems comparatively due to numbers alone?? is it just a failure of editors ??? feels like Good Queer content is so hard to fine comparatively to like more 'sword lesbians' and 'twilight but gay', not to gatekeep at all im just disheartened

omg guys LOVING these asks today LOVING the opportunity to pontificate on the media industry

so basically i think this is a twofold issue and i will answer this as such:

first, i believe that the same can be said for books directed toward young women. there’s a reason john greens and stephenie meyers and books like divergent are arguably barely readable and yet widely marketed and pushed toward preteen and teen girls. the reason why is because teen girls, like queer people, are NEVER the target demo. speaking as a person in marketing and media, the target demo is almost always men 18-34 or adults 25-54

this results in a lack of care or even consideration that queer people or young women deserve complexity or well executed stories! because we are always the afterthought!

the second issue here is somewhat a fault of internet fan culture. because of the prevalence and popularity of things like fanfiction or fancams or compilations or AUs or other things along this line, queer consumers oft enter into consumption from the lens of someone either already knowing the characters or someone SPECIFICALLY looking for queer as the backbone of the product

i can’t tell you how many people i’ve seen saying “oh i’ve never watched the show/movie but i watch comps of the queer ship and read fanfic about them!!” like??????? do you not realize the issue here? fanfic and compilations presuppose knowledge on the product, meaning they do not teach you how to consume a narrative, fill in blanks yourself, or establish your own thoughts on the successes or failings of the product

which means!!! when these people begin to recommend books or other media to your their frame of reference is “it’s queer!” because even if they’ve consumed the whole product, they’re hardwired to think that all consumers are searching for solely queer rep and not like,,,,,,, well-executed queer rep. it’s genuinely a side effect of the filter bubble era and the assumption that no one cares about narrative because my uwu gay little website rarely interacts with plot and regularly only focuses on ships

romance and sexuality and identity and love is good. it can strengthen and develop a narrative beyond where you might expect it to be. some of the most beautiful stories live and die based on whether their romance delivers on what it attempts to. however,,,,,,,,,, we are humans beyond who we love just as characters and plots exist beyond those same parameters. i wish people would try and remember that

little add on here that of COURSE i would never begrudge or belittle someone who consumes a product solely because it’s queer, particularly young people who are newly out. i was there once. as a kid raised in a catholic family who went to a catholic school all her life, i salivated at any glimpse of myself in media. i don’t fault any young person for this. BUT! at the same time, you do eventually need to become critical of the media you consume

you should never let corporations and conglomerates trick you into thinking half assed narratives are worth it solely because they’re a little diverse because then we’ll never truly break the chains of capitalism, rainbow capitalism, and heteronormative hegemonies that seek to push us to the fringes and give us the leftovers not deemed good enough for cishets. that’s all

[rantingcrocodile]

I know this is a dumb question but any advice on making anything in solidarity with bi people that isn't too perfomative? I want to make something nice.

I also want to say bi people are amazing in their own right. Being able to appreciate both sexes doesn't mean bi are always available to everyone.

Also I do admire how well written you've made your blog. Especially about how consent is an absolute importance. Too much of the TRA logic is rapy.

Thank you.

I also don't believe in "dumb" questions when they're asked in good faith. No one can learn if they can't ask genuine questions in a safe space.

As far as bisexual people are concerned, I could give a trite answer like, "uplift bisexual people!" and "listen to bisexual voices!" but I actually don't think that's as important as going back to the basics.

The most important thing to know is that bisexual people experience our sexuality in a different way to straight people and lesbians/gay men, and that the vast majority of bisexual people aren't malicious in our words and actions. A lot of the issues surrounding bisexuals are down to internalised biphobia, looking at sexuality through a bisexual lens, desperately wanting to fit in and not understanding ourselves.

People understand the world through their own experiences first, and so that becomes the default until they learn more about others and listen to other voices.

For example: the "sexuality is a spectrum" homophobia makes sense to uneducated bisexual people because that fits in with what we understand about ourselves.

"I'm bisexual. I can objectively look at a woman and a man and recognise whether they're conventionally attractive or not. Straight people and lesbians/gay men can do the same, even when they're not attracted to one sex. Therefore, lesbians/gay men are one extreme end of the sexual attraction spectrum, straight people are at the other extreme end, and bisexuals are in the middle."

It doesn't actually work like that. Sexuality has nothing to do with being socialised to understand patriarchal standards of beauty.

I'll give you a personal anecdote.

I've stated before that I almost lost a close friend because I argued with her about my sexuality. I was genuinely convinced that, after having sex with women and enjoying it, I was still completely heterosexual. My friend tried to tell me I was bisexual. I didn't believe her.

In my mind, it made sense to me that me having sex with women and enjoying it was nothing like a lesbian having sex with women and enjoying it because I was still attracted to men. I managed to rationalise that, because I share the same basic body as all other women, it was more akin to masturbation to be completely sexually involved with another women, so of course it made sense that I was aroused by women.

I thought that everyone enjoyed kissing, regardless of the sexes involved in that kissing, because all humans have mouths and tongues, so why wouldn't everyone who likes kissing enjoy kissing whoever?

All of that was absolute rubbish. It was internalised biphobia. It led me to accidentally being homophobic because I truly didn't understand other sexualities outside of what I had managed to "figure out" in my own mind.

Every bisexual's "coming out" is as unique as the person, but when you understand that there are also plenty of bisexuals that go through something that is at least similar to what I personally went through, you can better understand how easy it is for TRAs to manipulate bisexual youth for their agenda.

In this space, the loudest, most listened-to voices are those of lesbians, and they do not understand what it's like to be attracted to both sexes in the same way that straight people do not understand what it's like to be attracted to both sexes. They see sexuality through the lens of their own experience and then project that onto us, and then we're silenced when we try to explain the reasons why bisexuals might see certain things or behave in certain ways based on our experiences of the world.

Bisexuality is horrendously misunderstood and weaponised for different political arguments and biphobia is always applauded. Bisexuals are terrible at organising bisexual-only spaces because we end up being abused for our sexuality whichever way we turn.

If a bisexual is in a relationship with the opposite sex, then they're gross "bihets" who are basically straight and don't deserve any support.

If a bisexual is in a relationship with the same sex, then they're either appropriated as "lesbian/gay," told that they're the "good kind" of bisexual for not being "straight," or attacked for "stealing" resources for lesbians/gay men.

And then there's all the muttering about the bisexual leaving their partner to find someone of the other sex, because naturally our sexuality means "non-monogamous" and "cheater" and "hypersexual."

Bisexuals are also blamed for the actions of straight people who call themselves bisexual to falsely claim themselves as "queer," too. Even when they aren't. Exactly the way that, years ago, straight girls thought being bisexual was "trendy" and kissed other girls for male attention, even though they weren't actually attracted to women. Bisexuals were still penalised for it, with that used as "proof" that bisexuals are "sluts" and "attention-seekers."

Because of the rampant biphobia around, bisexuals end up being just as guilty as others in perpetuating biphobia. There are the fake "lesbians" who pretend to be lesbians and openly hate bisexual women, all to protect themselves while they stir up hatred. There are the bisexuals who deny the use of the bisexual label because of biphobia, who then perpetuate the idea that bisexuals are "straights lite". There are the bisexuals who have been manipulated by TRAs to perpetuate homophobia and rape culture, because they don't understand sexuality outside of their own experiences. Just to name a few. But then they're taken as face-value examples to paint everyone who also happens to be bisexual as evil, and that's wrong.

One of the things that I hate most of all is the belief, in this space, that bisexuals have a choice about their attraction to the opposite sex, and that plays into my firm belief that too many women in this space spend too much time buried in theory and not enough time understanding how things work in the real world in regards to real people.

Of course anyone can politically choose not to engage in relationships and sex, it's fair to critique relationships with men, but it's not "easier" for bisexuals to make that choice because "but women exist." No one can turn off their sexuality or parts of their sexuality. It's like there's this belief that bisexuals can simply choose to stop finding men attractive at all and focus everything on women. Because we're bisexual, then the rest of our contexts suddenly don't apply. Are we in a space where it's safe to have a relationship with the same sex? Do we have peers that demand we conform to relationships with the opposite sex? Are we in a community where there are plenty of same-sex attracted people to reach out and try to find a relationship? Etc.

There's enough thought for books to be published, so I can't go over everything here, but I would ask, as the best kind of support for bisexuals is to be mindful of the bisexual experience and try to be understanding when it comes to the bisexuals that get it wrong.

Every glare that you see with "This is why I hate bisexuals" only encourages another bisexual to hate themselves even more, understand themselves less, and accidentally end up hurting even more people around them.

[spookymultimedia]

A Summer to Remember Ch4

CW: internalized homophobia

the f slur and queer used as a slur

[Ned Pov]

My eyes fluttered open to the sound of birds early in the morning. It was still dark outside. I looked down at Maude who was spooned into my arms. I recalled the conversation we had last night. As much as I wanted to hide from it, it was clear that I was homosexual. . .a queer. The word queer made me wince for some reason. I was gay, I was a gay man. It made too much sense. I bit my lip suddenly remembering something that happened in my youth. I remembered being in a group of.  . . secular non-Christian people. It was the early 70s and no one knew where I was. They didn't have to know. It was simple teen curiosity; there was a desire to explore the world that was kept away from me. Again, I always had an innate curiosity to understand. It's impossible for a person to be perfectly free from sin. It was only human nature to have sinful tendencies. What I'm trying to say is I tried marijuana. It wasn't that bad. I actually felt less stressed than I  usually was but let's not focus on that. There was this boy. This boy who was good with the guitar. He had long hair and wore blush from time to time. He called himself bisexual. I remembered how comfortable I had gotten with him one afternoon where we all were hanging out by a river. I remember the smoke and the lesbians who had made love in the shallow water. There were s'mores and homemade tea. By all logic I should have felt scared I was there; I wasn't. 

        I got up close to him by my own will, I remember. He asked me if I had ever kissed a boy before. I hadn't. He asked if I wanted to. Despite the quiet guilt in my soul I nodded. We kissed and kissed again and again until I got a hang of the rhythm. I liked it. The more I reflected on the memory, I remembered how much I enjoyed it. I stared at the window thinking while watching the warm glow of sunrise touch the curtains. I really am gay aren't I?

      I looked down when I felt Maude move and wake up. She stretched her arms and legs and blinked awake. She smiled at me, "Good morning." 

          "Mornin." 

She pressed a small kiss on my cheek and sat up. 

       "You don't have to do that kind of stuff to me if you're not comfortable." 

            "Hm? Oh. .I'm sorry it just felt natural I don't know. Are you uncomfortable?"

    "No, not at all. . .shouldn't I be uncomfortable?"She shrugged. "It doesn't mean anything inherently romantic to me. . .does that sound silly?" 

 I shook my head, "I don't think so. .but I get what you mean."

She rubbed her eyes and played with her hair. 

      "So. . when you said you where gay last night do you mean. .?"

         "That I'm a. . . lesbian? Yeah, yeah I think I'm a lesbian. Sounds right." 

  "That's just lovely Maude."

She frowned, "Is it? I. .thought it wasn't right to be. .-"

     I laid there thinking for a minute, "Is it really wrong?"

        "I'm not sure. . "

"It's just love. I can't see what's so wrong about it. . . Maude I. .I kissed a boy when I was younger." Why did I suddenly feel ashamed? It was just a kiss. Imagine what my uncle would say. He'd probably call me a f*gg*t or something. What would Reverend Lovejoy say? I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

     "Oh? Hm. . . was it nice?"

"Yeah. ." I stared at the wall again.

        "Are you going to tell them?"

"Me?"

    She nodded.

"I'm not sure. You?"

        "I'm too scared."

"I understand." I pet her upper back to comfort her.

[Maude pov]

      After breakfast we followed Tim and Helen led us to the Rock climbing area. There was this gigantic wall in front of us. It had multicolored rubber rocks that I adored. It wasn't my first rodeo with rock climbing. I had climbed with Ned plenty of times. I smiled up at them with anticipation. I had on some white tee from a church event and

jean shorts that reached my knees.

"Now this exercise is supposed to encourage teamwork and support in each other. When this world brings you down you need to have someone to encourage you." Helen explained as Timothy put on a harness. Helen looked at me puzzled as I put on one myself.

        "What? It's not on backwards is it?"

"Oh, no it's just that. . ." She trailed off looking at my harness. She bit her lip lightly for a second before her concentration quickly returned. "Well I was going to have Ned climbing the wall but that's fine that works. . .Maude, are you sure you can?"

      "I've done this many times." I smiled and laughed. 

"Oh. Okay." She said a bit surprised.

Was it just me or did she blush? Was she checking me out. . .? No, no it had to be my imagination. I dismissed any other possibility of why she looked at me like that.

      Once me and Tim were set up we started our climb. I made a speedy start grabbing onto each rock I saw available. It was fairly easy. I made a mental note of the colors. I loved them. Red pink yellow pink orange red blue green red turquoise. I focused on the rocks and moving.

  "You got this Maude!" Ned cheered. I smiled and kept on climbing. I glanced over at Timothy who was only a couple feet from the ground. It seemed I had more upper arm strength than him. I wouldn't have guessed. 

    "I believe in you Timothy! You're doing great. One at a time." Helen cheered, encouraging him. God bless her, she's so sweet. He nodded and slowly found himself a bit higher. At some point I got stuck. 

     "Go left, use your legs!" Ned coached. I nodded and did as he advised. Tim had caught up with me before I made my way ahead of him again. Before I knew it I was at the very top. 

I sat on the wall and smiled as Ned clapped for me. Helen was clapping too. So cute of her. I stared out at the trees and the shimmering lake as Tim was making the rest of his way up. Do I like Helen? I asked myself. Of course I did, she's been my best friend for years. But, Ned was also mine for longer. Yet, something in her sparkled that hadn't in Ned. Every time I had saw her, things we're better. I felt . .giddy. Oh. . .oh. I do love her. I love her more than anything. My chest had ached. Oh God, I love her. 

   "I'm so proud of you!" I looked down at Helen who was cheering at her husband who loved her too. She loved him. She loves him, not me. She's straight, I think. It didn't matter anyways. I sighed. Still I couldn't help but smile. I was in love and couldn't do anything about it. I wonder how Ned was coping with this yearning. I then faced the wall and quickly leaped my way down. With gravity and my emotions taking over me I couldn't help but laugh. I landed on the ground giggling. "That was fun." I snorted and covered my mouth blushing. But then she laughed too. "Oh Maude, that's adorable." She put an arm around my shoulder. Oh God I could kiss her right now. She's so close yet so far from reach. So I just stood there blushing and smiling. Tim slowly but surely came down with a bit of a dizzy stumble. Ned was close and caught him. For a moment the two men were arm in arm. Tim smiled bashfully and a tad embarrassed. 

       "Thanks." 

    Ned stared at him a moment before helping him stand-up straight. "You did great, Reverend." Neddy said smiling. The poor thing. He must feel the same ache in his soul. He has to. 

[Ned pov]

          Later that day I found Timothy by the river. He was just sitting there watching it flow. I had to ask. I needed to know what he thought on the matter. Despite everything, I felt in my soul it was right and only natural. But I just needed to know. You always need to know, it'll be death of you, Ned. I sighed and walked up to him before sitting by him on the grass by the sore. "Hi Reverend."

      "Ned, we're friends, you can just call me Timothy. Really I insist."

         "Of course. Timothy," his name was so intense. Calling him by his name was so tender and intimate it almost felt wrong. "I wanted to talk to you about something. Well, I at least wanted to hear your thoughts on the matter."

         "What is it?" He looked at me slightly exhausted. I felt a pang of guilt. He probably wanted a break from being asked things everyday. It had to be exhausting. But I needed to know. I knew it was important.

    "What do you think about homosexuality?"

                   "Hmm. . ." He hummed and looked out on the lake. "Sexual deviance isn't a good thing."

      "Deviance?" I felt a bit hurt. Was it really cheating if my wife knew how I felt. I mean, it would be if I kissed a married man. I wanted to kiss a married man. Am I lusting? Is this sin? The homosexuality couldn't be though. "Is it really deviance??"

    Tim paused to think again. "Well. Hm. There are some verses-"

            "I know, I've heard about them. But I don't think they're talking about homosexuality. It could be just an error. It could be referring to a completely different sin. But if you don't mind my boldness Reverend, I really don't think it's a sin at all."

     He nodded slowly, pensive. 

"There are verses that have forbidden the consumption of some meats that were unsafe at the time. . .hmm. That's not a sin at all anymore. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding. Prophets are still human after all." He stared at the water. "I suppose homosexuality isn't so bad. Why, it's not bad at all. I mean everyone feels sexuality . . .right?" He looked a bit confused. I wasn't sure why. Was he gay? No. . . was he?

          "I believe so."

He stared at the water thinking, I assume. I looked at those hands that tempted me. Guilt was burning me alive. 

      "Timothy I've been sinning!"

He looked at me startled at my outburst. 

      "Ned. . Ned, why are you asking me about this? Is. .this why you and Maude are having issues? Are you gay?"

I froze.

        "Ned you said it yourself and I agree, I don't think homosexuality is a legit sin."

"No. I mean, no that's not the issue." I felt my eyes water. 

"Ned. ."

        "I've been lusting after a married man! That's a sin!"

       "Ned. . .are you talking about me? Do you like me that way?" His eyes were wide. 

       "I do." I started to cry. 

"Why are you crying?"

         I looked at him like he was absurd. 

       "It's lusting!"

"Eh, well. You're not acting on it. I'm sure the Lord understands your intentions and will forgive them."

     I shrugged, "I understand if you're uncomfortable. ."

         "Not really. Don't worry about it."

"I just don't want to ruin anything."

          "I understand."

"How long have you felt like this?"

                   "I . .I don't know. Maybe I was born like this." 

      "Born??" He looked confused.

"Well not literally. I mean. I've just always liked men." I rubbed my arm anxiously. I was still trying to make peace with myself.

     Timothy stared at the ground, his eyes furrowed.

 "Like them?"

           "Yeah. Like I've just always wanted to.  . .kiss them and stuff. You know?"

 He slowly shook his head looking a bit lost.

   "I don't understand."

I suddenly felt sick. Did he think my attraction was that weird?

       "It's just the same feeling that you get  with women."

    He fiddled with his hands. He looked really uncomfortable.

    "What's wrong? Is it me?"

"No it's not you.  You're fine Ned I promise. I'm glad you decided to come to me about this." He closed his eyes and bit at his finger gingerly. I had seen him do this a couple times. It was usually when he got stressed or something. "Does Maude know?"

"Yeah. She took it well." 

        "Good." He stood up and walked off.