#nonbinary problems

[kazbrekkerfast]

I love being non-binary but the amout of times I see a post I relate to but it's titled "girl ____" and I'm like well then. that's made me sad

or like "this is for the men" and im sat there sad because why is life so gendered all the time with such stupid things

[whereserpentswalk]

See, misogyny inherently operates under the idea that women are weak, childlike, and incompetent, and thus need protecting by men and society. It basically frames it so that the idea of women's being men's equals is seen as being dangerous for women. And a lot of this carries over to how transmascs and afab enbies are treated.

While transfemmes and amab enbies are seen as being dangerous perverted men, it's way more common for afab trans people to be seen as confused women being put in a dangerous position by nebulous outside forces.

If a trans woman is seen as something dangerous and powerful hiding as something weak, and thus she's seen as a threat, a trans man is seen as something innocent that can't fend for itself being place in the dangerous position of something powerful and competent, and thus he's seen as a victim. It's a disturbing and distorted type of sympathy. Transandrophobia hurts as much as transmisogyny, but transandrophobia is unique in that it's much more common for the transphobes doing it to see their bigotry as a form of protection and love.

(Also, sorry if transmascs and afab enbies (and transfemmes and amab enbies) are being lumped together. Transpobes deal in agab, not gender identity, so when talking about how transphobia works, we kind of have to split it that way. I say this as a transneutral enby who doesn't even tell strangers online my agab.)

So we end up in this very weird position where people treat misgendering afab trans people as something they're doing to help them. It's done by terfs of course, but it's also done by the type of person who says "women and nonbinary people" who basically treats afab trans people as women with different pronouns. There's this aura people have when talking to or about afab trans people where it feels like they'd consider not treating them like a woman to be a disservice to them. I've even seen a lot of transmascs fall into this trap themselves, especially with modern "feminism" often treating femininity as a group that must be maintained as fought for as opposed to a harmful social construct. So many young afab trans people end up being pushed into either trying to make their identity something that doesn't offend binary femininity, or feel a need to completely detach themselves from womanhood by suffering the worst of male gender expectations.

If you find yourself misgendering (and that goes deeper than just which pronouns you use) afab trans people and thinking it's to help them, take this as your sign to stop.

If your an afab trans person, please remember that you can be loved and protected without being treated like a girl. You can be cute and pretty without being a girl. You can be emotionally vulnerable and given affection without being a girl. Your achievements can be celebrated without you being a girl. You can have community without being a girl. And you don't need to be treated like a child to be protected, you don't need to be misgendered to have community. Anyone who will only be able to love you by seeing you as something you're not doesn't deserve you.

Also, if you're a woman (normal or cisgender) reading this, you also don't need to put up with being seen as weak or incompetent to be protected. Your accomplishments aren't just women's accomplishments, they're your accomplishments. You should not have to buy your safety by painting yourself as lesser.

[firewolf111]

My gender is a clown car.

"What's your gender?"

Short answer. Nonbinary.

"And the long answer?"

I laugh maniacally as a car with the nonbinary flag colors painted on it zooms towards us. As it parks, I maintain eye contact with a creepy grin as I open the door. Out comes microlabel after microlabel, xenogender after xenogender. You watch in horror as they just keep coming, no end in sight. It's a never-ending swarm that begins to surround you until you lose all hope of escape.

[starstickerzzz]

The amount of time I’ve had to remind people that they has always been used as both a singular and plural pronouns is so silly, like. If you don’t know the gender of a person you say they???

Like if u see someone lost something you might say “oh I hope they get that back” or something like that. Like it’s been a thing before people wanted to use they as a pronouns for themselves?????

It’s already been used as a singular pronoun when u refer to a person that u don’t know the gender of so why is it so hard for people to use it on purpose it comes naturally in certain situations they just don’t want to cuz they suck 💀 im not nonbinary btw but i know how to use common sense and respect other human beings. Happy early pride everypony :)

[waywardtyrantpirate]

So does anybody else want to be a villain? Like I'm not talking 'oh, im a villain bc I said no' or just an edgy person. I mean in the punk way. I want to be evil in the way of helping people bc I've been so let down by the system an people that it's insane. To create an evil corporation that gives out free food bc I can. That makes really cheap housing. To hire disabled people an accommodate them. To basically say a big fuck you to the whole system that never wanted me to live.

So who wants to revolutionize w/ me? What would this look like?

[angelheart-bunny]

the nonbinary trans experience

being nonbinary, whether you identify as trans or not, comes with its own set of specific obstacles that being a trans binary person doesn't come with. this isn't to say that binary trans people struggle less than us, obviously; it just happens that our struggles are different, because we're nonbinary.

here are a few examples on how being nonbinary makes my life difficult:

i can't legally change my gender marker to x or remove the gender marker from my id entirely

many languages (such as portuguese, german, spanish and french) don't officially have gender neutral pronouns, which means that nonbinary speakers have to come up with new terms, which aren't recognized and respected by other speakers 99.999% of the time

it is especially difficult to pass as a nonbinary person because the idea that gender is binary (m/f) is so deeply ingrained in westerners' minds that they wouldn't conceive the possibility of a nonbinary person even when said person is dressed androgynously

and please keep in mind that these are struggles i face as a white able-bodied person who is not an immigrant. other nonbinary people have it much worse than i do based on their circumstances and other axises of oppression.

exorsexism is real. uplift nonbinary voices.

[icy-hot-slut]

[violahenshaw]

Just watched The Phoenician Scheme and I loved it. About Zsa-zsa Korda: I don't know if I want to be him or if I want to bang him. He's delightful either way.

[your-rutherfurr]

We need to make more gender neutral language that doesn't sound cold, like soulless.

And this is mostly for a better alternative for "girl" and "boy". Before anyone hits me with the "enby"; I wanna say that's not what I'm looking for, it directly comes from the word nonbinary and not everyone is nonbinary coming from a nonbinary person myself! I want something for EVERYONE. And if any of you say "person" I'll rip your head off cause that's exactly what I'm saying when it sounds soulless. I want something just as catchy and fluid as "girl", "boy", "man" and "women"

If you have any non-soulless gender neutral terms please drop them down!!! >_<

[savage-rhi]

My pronouns are she/they. I tried the he/she/they triple burger combo royale with cheese in the past, so unless you say "he" with the energy of, "oh look at that cute lil lizard he's cute!" I ain't having it.

[whereserpentswalk]

Remember that supporting nonbinary people means supporting nonbinary people who don't medically transition, or who don't look androgynous, or who don't dressed differently from what's expected of their assigned gender.

And when I say "support nonbinary people who don't differ in presentation from their agab" I don't just mean fully medically transitioned transmasc femboy or transfem butches (though those people are cool and valid). You have to support people who don't medically transition, and that doesn't just mean naturally androgynous afab people who fit a butch tomboy aesthetic, or naturally androgynous amab people who fit a femboy aesthetic (though those people are valid and cool), you have to support nonbinary people whose appearance doesn't fit into any aesthetic of nonbinaryness. And not just people who plan to medically transition, or dress differently someday, you have to accept nonbinary people whose presentation is probably not going to change.

There are a lot of nonbinary people who just kind of look like cis men or cis women, and you have to accept that they're still nonbinary, that they're still valued members of the community. Nonbinary isn't an aesthetic for you to consume, it's not something people perform for you. It's an internal identity, and it's a community. We don't choose to be nonbinary (most of the time), and we shouldn't have to look a certain way for who we are to be recognized.

It even goes into the way nonbinary people (and trans people in general) are complimented, where it's always so focused on how alien the complimenter sees them as. It's always "girlcock", "boy boobs", "they/them pussy", it feels so fetishistic. And it's not even about how sexual it is, like "UwU you're such a cute genderless girlboy" feels more fetishistic than "you have dick sucking eyes". It's this focus on how the viewer enjoys them specifically as a deviantion from what they consider a normal human, as opposed to just being attracted to someone who happens to be a deviation from what most humans are. Like, I want to see someone express attraction to a nonbinary person, as opposed to just being attracted to nonbinary people as a concept. Like can people on here even really be attracted to transfem penises as penises anymore, like be attracted to them as sexual body parts they presumably want to interact with sexually, as opposed to fetishizing them as masculine body parts on a woman.

And I use chasers as an example because it's both obvious and way too common. But this acceptance without humanization is so common in so many queer spaces, and it's specifically so common twords nonbinary people. The focus on bodies, and the focus on how those bodies differ from from what someone considers as normal. As opposed to focusing on human beings and their experiences. And I think it's why it's so hard for people to accept nonbinary people who don't look diffrent from how their agab is expected to look and never will, because you have to accept experiences over aesthetics to support those people.

Like, I need to stress that if you meet a nonbinary person, whose afab, and isn't medically transitioned, and dresses femininely, you still have to accept that they're nonbinary, you have to accept that they're 0% female if they say they're 0% female. And its not just that you need to use their pronouns, you also need to not think of them as female. And I'm specifically using a non medically transitioned afab person as an example here because the internet, especially the queer internet, seems to have a specific hatred for those people (which combined with how transfem people are talked about, and how certain cis queer people are talked about, it makes me think a lot of the queer internet inherently sees feminine bodies as lesser, and sees bodies as losing value the more feminine they become).

And there's two things I mean by "it's important to support these people". The first is just that it's a lot of nonbinary people who are like this, and a lot of them are uniquely vulnerable or invalidated, and they deserve your support and love and validation. But also because if you don't support nonbinary people who don't "look nonbinary enough" for you, every nonbinary person you know is one failure to present in a way you deem valid away from losing your support. When there's a way someone can fail at nonbinaryness to you, than there aren't any nonbinary people you truly unconditionally validate.

I have to admit that I am a nonbinary person who looks a lot like their agab myself. Not telling you if I'm afab or amab, but I am telling you that I have no plans to medically transition, and I don't dress in a way that screams nonbinary. And it sucks in certain ways, especially now that I'm in my twenties and I've lost a lot of weight (both of these are things I'm happy about in general btw), I look so diffrent from what anyone wants to validate. The only time I see art of nonbinary people who look like me it's when they're specifically the opposite agab to me. It sucks that I feel like for at least 25% of the community will either always see me as basically the gender I was assigned at birth, or they'll basically see me as a binary trans person waiting to happen.

This was a lot of words and I don't know how to end it. Please reblog to support me and nonbinary people like me. It's going to be depressing to tag this a few moments from now and see just how many fetish tags you see recommended when you try to tag something with words like "enby" or "nonbinary". It fucking sucks that I see "#enby feedee" before I see "#enby pride".

[hi-imaflamingo]

i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won't get my name from a uquiz, i won-

[quotesfromthepolycule]

“Im a non binary polyamorous pansexual vers switch with abandonment issues, so maybe I am not the best person to be told ‘no you choose’”

“…babe are you okay we were talking about dinner choices”

[ascenari0]

thing that sucks ab the world, is being non binary sucks, cause I can introduce myself as “they.” But people will still say “she” and I have to be the one to just get used to it.

I’m not too bothered by it, I just notice it. Anyone else?

[andreacollector925]

Some revelations about my Gender.

[histrionicscribbler]

love how the mere presence of nonbinary people sends some particular folks into sex essentialism fueled rants about how we cant just "ignore sex" as if nb people dont already know the immutable and important nature of sex bc it stares us in the face every day

ignore it? don't make me laugh. we can't ignore a damn thing if we tried.

i hate to break it to you, but WE ALL KNOW you cannot clock a nonbinary person from appearance alone. sometimes (not always) that is even the point. androgyny is not always the nb goal. androgyny also isn't always nb. divorce the two in your mind rn.

we are well aware that what we look and sound like directly influences what we are perceived as upon first impression. it is just the truth. a lot of us will never escape misgendering. but that is really not an excuse to refuse to change your language when you learn otherwise

if ur gonna become deaf when someone uses they/them (or any other non he/she pronoun) on somebody (out loud, multiple times, perhaps even correcting you), then do it about 9000 yards away from me, k?