#idk I’m feeling real angsty tonight

[detentiontrack]

Do you guys think that Anne would ever wish that the guardian had never brought her back during times of depression and guilt from amphibia after she got back home

[piper-2244]

unsaid

how gn!reader and spencer handle deeper feelings with each other- or how they don't handle them.

angsty fluff? some hard feelings? idk WHAT this is word count: 1258 warnings & tags & stuff: I was picturing mid seasons spence for this, brief mention of a spider?, insecure reader, ugh they're SO in love but also so quiet about it, ignoring problems, happyish ending author's note: first piece of writing on here! this is actually so bad but my brain is ROTTED from spencer fluff and honestly him in general, he's all i can think about so obviously i have to contribute to the epidemic

“HELP!”

You hear footsteps bounding towards you and the door to the kitchen slam open. Spencer’s head swivels as he assesses the situation: you, backed into a corner, clutching a glass, looking directly at a point across the room with a terrified look in your eyes. Spencer’s face immediately relaxes and he moves over to take the glass from you.

“Where is it?” He asks calmly. You point, and the spider is quickly dealt with and brought outside. Spencer walks back into your apartment and you look at him, blushing a little, heart still pounding.

“Thanks,” you say, self-effacingly, taking the glass back from him and setting it in the sink. “I'm sorry for bothering you, I know you were in the middle of doing some work, and I know that my reaction was completely irrational, it’s just-”

“Hey,” he interrupts, reaching out to trace your arm lightly. “It's alright. It’s actually completely justifiable. Our brain is wired to be afraid of spiders because they were a larger threat to our ancestors. Today, although we seldom encounter spiders and they are not a constant threat to us, we still have this fear because it’s ingrained in our DNA,” he explains, trying to calm your anxiety. “I’m also around 80 percent done with my report. So I can finish it later in the week. I'm all yours.” He peers down at you, a small smile playing on his face. You admire his smile for a second or two before his words actually register and you squint disbelievingly.

“I don't know how I feel about that. I shouldn't be taking you from your…duties,” you say, tilting your head.

“My duties?” he asks, matching the angle of your head, laughing a little. You shrug, giving him a slight giggle too.

“Okay, duties are the wrong word. But you do do important work that I should recognise has to take priority sometimes. I bet Hotch would rather you finish your report tonight.” He nods quietly, and you know he agrees. He beckons his head, a signal you’ve come to know means ‘come closer and hug me’. You do so, hugging him tightly and letting his arms wrap around you. You back away after a bit and give him a signal of your own- standing on your tiptoes and looking at him expectantly. He bends down and kisses you firmly, arms still wrapped around you.

Your entire relationship is built off of signals like these. You two just seem to know when the other wants something, whether it be a hug or a kiss, or something more. It made things easy.

So you were also sure that Spencer knew that this kiss was making your heart literally melt. It’s like he can reach in through your sternum and hold your heart until it dissolves in his hands. You can feel it dripping through the cracks into your bloodstream until your legs are jelly and your head is spinning.

You pull away for air and rest your head on his chest.

“How about we compromise and I do it tomorrow?” He asks softly.

Your mouth creates an uncomfortable line. “I know I’m obviously not the boss of you, so feel free to do whatever it is you want…” You pause, trying to find the words. “I just feel like it’s important for me to not take you away from your work at all.”

It wasn’t the complete truth, but it wasn’t completely askew from what you meant to say.

The real, slightly more selfish truth was that you felt like it was easier to send Spencer off to do his work than to try and understand why he wouldn't always want to. You constantly felt so raw and open around him. Like he could always see you and your melting heart. It was insanely scary and new, and not easy at all.

That was not something you were willing to admit today, not right now.

“No, you're not the boss of me, but I do think you have opinions worth listening to and considering.” He kisses the top of your head. He pushes your hair back and looks you directly in the eye. “But I also really don’t want you to feel like you can’t ask me for things. Being in the BAU requires a sort of responsibility. Not to just do my work by the time it’s needed, but to also take breaks and spend time with the people I want to be around. Whether it’s to catch spiders or to give her kisses. Okay?” He checks.

“Okay,” you say quietly. He looks at you patiently, knowing that you had more feelings in your heart but also knowing that it was hard to come out and say it. It was a topic for another night, a braver night. He dips his head down to you, and smiles, almost excitedly.

“Ice cream?” You smile too at the change of topic, and nod.

“Can we get changed first?”

In your bedroom, you throw on a massive white T-shirt that you may or may not have stolen from Spencer many weeks ago, along with a pair of shorts. You turn your head over your shoulder to where Spencer was digging around in his bag. “Did you pack comfy clothes? I know we didn’t discuss sleeping over or anything,” you ask.

“Uh, yeah, do you have a shirt I could borrow?” he responds, not looking up. You dig through your drawers and toss him one of his own shirts, this one Dr. Who themed and navy blue. It lands on his face and he swats it away. “Hey, I was wondering where this went!” He exclaims, looking up at you, offended. He takes notice of your shirt, and stands up straight and moves toward you, feeling your shirt between his fingers. “This too. Theft is in fact a crime.” You blush bashfully in response.

“I like your shirts. They’re cuter than mine,” you argue. He shakes his head, smiling. Soon enough, you're on the couch, working on a pint of Tonight Dough.

Your legs are intertwined and you’re laying on his chest, trying to get to the ice cream he was teasing you with, moving away as you chase it with the spoon. “Stop it,” you giggle. He wrestles the spoon from your grip and digs it in the ice cream.

“Open,” he says quietly. You do so, savoring the taste.

You stay like that for a good while longer, just holding each other, until you break the silence.

“Thanks for making time for me tonight,” you whisper, giving him a soft kiss on his chin. He looks at you and gives you a kiss on your forehead. A meaningful one. One that said a few things that were too scary to say.

It was nice, knowing that you had time to figure out your emotions, that there was no hurry. Your problems and insecurities would still be there tomorrow. You could choose to ignore them for a bit. You could look away from the fact that you weren’t exactly sure why Spencer picked you out of all the other girls. Spencer could ignore the fact that going to work was the most terrifying thing because he finally had something to lose. You could just stay like that, intertwined, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

You let the rest of the ice cream melt on the couch side table, not unlike your heart, neither of you strong enough to get up and put it back in the freezer.

[alexfromjersey]

ℂ𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 | 𝕁𝕖𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕆𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕘𝕒

Jenna Ortega x Black!Reader

summary: you and jenna have been in a relationship for the past eight years when suddenly everything starts to get rocky.

warnings: mature language, angst, violence, jenna doing some dirty shit

a/n: idk why but I wanted to write some angsty 😬? God forbid this ever happened to me cause I’ll be in jail…

“Who is she Y/n?”

That was the first thing you heard when you walked into your home after a long day at work. You just got off an agonizing 12-hour shift at the warehouse and all you wanted to do was shower, eat, and then sleep.

“Who is who Jenna?” You tiredly questioned as you pulled off your boots and work jacket.

First of all let me say, you can’t accuse me of all the things, you know you’re guilty of

“The woman you’ve been sneaking around with” Jenna answered and sipped her wine. Her eyes never leaving your figure.

You sighed, “Please don’t start this shit again tonight please I’m exhausted.”

That it is easy for you to blame everything on me

“I wonder why. Too exhausted from all the lying, the sneaking around, fucking her, and giving her all the attention that’s supposed to be for me” Jenna snapped.

“How many times do I have to say that I’m not fucking anyone, Jenna! What’s your problem? For the past two weeks, you’ve been accusing me of seeing some imaginary woman when all I do is work and come home to you. I don’t even go out with my friends anymore when will I have time to cheat on you” You questioned her loudly.

“How do I know you’re going to work? You could easily say it and go somewhere else” Jenna said.

“Jesus Christ you have my location on your phone!” You shouted.

“You could have left it at your job and left to go sleep with her” Jenna shrugged.

If that’s the case I should go have my fun and do all the things you say I do

You scoffed and just let out a laugh, “How fucked up in the head are you? Maybe I should do all this shit since you think that’s my grandmaster scheme. Drive almost an hour away to go to work, leave my phone at my job, miss out on a shift that makes me lose money, and go fuck a girl.”

You laughed and walked straight past the woman. You walked up the stairs and into your bedroom. Your patience was wearing thin and if you didn’t step away from her, you were going to say something to really hurt her feelings.

Girl, I can’t continue to take this from you

“I can’t fucking win with this girl man. Ever since she came back from filming that new movie, she’s been on a thousand. Accusing me of cheating and lying shit. I don’t do anything but go to work and go home” You ranted to your best friend Donny.

It was your day off, you sitting on your front porch watching the cars pass by when you felt the need to vent to someone. You haven’t seen Jenna since last night, you slept on the couch and when you woke up she was nowhere to be seen. She only left a note telling you that she was going to be hanging with Emma. You invited Donny over to hang out for a little.

“Maybe she just needs some of that groundbreaking pipe” Donny chuckled.

“I would if she let me touch her. She won’t let me go near her to initiate anything. Haven’t had sex since she left and I haven’t stepped out once” You stated.

“Oof you better than me. I would have cheated as soon as she left” Donny admitted unashamed.

“Yeah that’s why your ass is single” You chuckled.

Donny chuckled also and shrugged, “I’m just keeping it real.”

Suddenly, a message notification came from the top of your phone. It was from one of your co-workers that you used to go get a drink with.

When you say I was out with somebody else when my girl told me she saw you with some girl

Kai:

yo I just seen your girl

Your eyes furrowed at the message.

You:

seen her where?

Kai:

the shopping center a town over. I’m out with my daughter and she pointed her out. she walked away from some tall-looking man but I’m pretty sure it was her

At the mention of a man, you furrowed your eyebrows. She told you she was hanging with Emma today. You needed to get to the bottom of this. You found Jenna’s number and just as you were about to click it. A FaceTime call from her came.

You answered it and all you saw was the roof of a car. You go to say something but you hear the sound of a soft moan in the background. You put yourself on mute and turn your volume up.

“Oh my…you feel so good baby” You heard Jenna moan.

Donny’s eyes widen at the sound coming from your phone. He was in disbelief that this was happening to you.

Your heart starts beating faster and faster. Your hand kept clenching and unclenching in anger. You wanted to say something or do something but you were frozen.

Jenna’s moans continued to increase in volume and you saw the phone bounce from the movement of the car.

“I love you Luis” You heard Jenna shriek and the slapping sound increased. You then saw the phone move to a position that’ll forever be engraved in your mind. You quickly took a screenshot and hung up the phone.

It was silence for a few moments. Neither you nor Donny making a move or uttering a word. But your hands kept clenching and unclenching into fists and Donny noticed. He looks at you in concern but you pay him no mind.

You abruptly stood up from the chair and stormed into the house. Donny was hot on your heels concerned and slightly scared.

“Y/n?” Donny asked you but you ignored him. You practically run up the steps and burst into your shared room. You start to throw open all the drawers and throw out everything. You didn’t know what you were doing, just angry. You started throwing anything breakable into the wall.

The once organized and clean room was now in disarray. Clothes, shoes, and personal items were thrown and broken everywhere. Next, you moved to the walk-in closet. You threw every piece of clothing on the floor, moved the boxes from the top shelves, and threw shoes everywhere. But then you noticed a small LV purse, you got her for her birthday last year. It was tucked in a deep dark corner, you would have missed it if it wasn’t for one of her other bags falling out of place. You grabbed it, opened it, and dumped everything onto the bed.

What you saw officially confirmed your fears. It was Polaroid pictures of her and a guy you’ve met numerous times. It was one of her co-stars, Luis Gutierrez. Pictures of them kissing, at the state fair, and one in a bed.

The same bed you and her sleep in.

“Y/n…” Donny cautiously stepped towards it before his eyes landed on something on the bed. You look to where his eyes are and landed on a half of heart necklace with the initial “L” engraved into it.

After seeing that, you grabbed your jacket and left the disarrayed house with Donny following.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dude I think you should slow down on the drinking,” Donny said to you in concern.

“I think you should shut the fuck up and let me drink in peace” You snapped at the male and downed two more shots. That marks it as your fourth and fifth shot.

Donny didn’t take your words to heart either. He knew you were hurting badly. The only way you knew how to deal with that pain was by drinking until you passed out…a trait you learned from your mother.

You still didn’t feel drunk enough so you ordered another round of shots. Donny just watch you take them back like water.

“Eight years Donny…eight fucking years I gave her. All those years down the drain. She was accusing me of cheating when SHE was the fucking one sleeping with someone else!” Your voice raised in the building.

Thankfully, there weren’t many people in the bar but the ones who were turned to look at the commotion.

“I understand but calm down-”

“Man don’t tell me to fucking calm down. How the fuck am I supposed to be calm about this? My girlfriend accidentally FaceTimed me and practically showed me her fucking someone.” You laughed.

“Hey take that shit somewhere else” An angry customer demanded.

“Who the fuck is talking to you Mr. Clean” You insulted the man. He didn’t like that and he pushed you. You stumbled back into the counter but quickly recovered and pushed the man as hard as you could.

“Hey! Enough!” Donny shouted and pulled you away from the man.

“Get the fuck off me” You pushed Donny’s hands off you and walked out of the bar into the autumn weather.

You didn’t live far from the bar you were just at. You take some shortcuts and you’ll be home in 10 minutes but you wanted to take the scenic route which added an extra 8 minutes to the walk.

While you walked, you had to figure out your next move. You and Jenna share a house, a car, and a dog together. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t just up and leave. It wasn’t as easy for you as it was for her.

On your walk home, you stopped by a liquor store. You bought yourself a bottle of Tequila and started drinking it on your walk. You were well aware that you could potentially get arrested for public intoxication but you didn’t care.

Just when it seemed like you were calming down, God decided to hate you even more than he already did.

A honk of a horn and a shout of your name made you turn around to the source. A familiar red Audi pulled up next to you and parked. The man responsible for your current rage hopped out of the car with the woman you used to love.

“Y/n? What are you doing walking like this?” Jenna questioned.

“Yeah, and why you got a bottle of Tequila” Luis innocently questioned.

You stared at the male with a blank expression, “I’m clearing my head.”

Jenna scoffed, “Clearing your head for what? Got something you want to tell me.”

Your eyes cut to her and she didn’t make it noticeable but she jumped at the sight of your dark emotionless eyes.

“Nah I get it, sometimes you just need a few minutes to yourself. I get like that all the time especially when I’m home. I’m so used to…”

Your eyes stared into his before wandering down to his neck where you see a faint bruise there. Your eyes then land on a silver necklace, similar to the one you found around his neck. The necklace had a “J” initial engraved on it. Your hand tightens around the neck of the bottle.

Your eyes then glance at Jenna who was staring at Luis with a look she used to give you.

“Y/n?” Luis called.

His voice goes distorted and starts to fade away as a blinding rage starts to take over. Before you know it or stop yourself, you swing the bottle and it connects with Luis’ head.

“OH MY GOD!” Jenna screamed.

Luis fell against his car, blood dripping down the side of his head. You didn’t waste any time and hopped on top of him and landed punches to his face.

You were blinded by your anger, by the betrayal, and by the emptiness you had inside of you.

“Y/N STOP!” Jenna yelled and tried to pull off Luis but you wouldn’t budge. You kept landing punch after punch after punch to his face. Your hand went numb and blood coated it. You were finally tackled off the unconscious male by two police officers.

“Put your hands behind your back!” One of the officers yelled and forcefully pulled your arm back. They slap handcuffs on your wrists and harshly stand you up.

As you walk past, you see Jenna and a couple of bystanders standing over Luis. She then looked at you but you averted your eyes. You kept your face expressionless as you were loaded into the back of the cruiser.

Or maybe I, I should have done it, should have given away all my love or maybe I, I should have played you, 'cause you don't appreciate me, no

The loud sound of a jail buzzer wakes you up from your slumber. You open your eyes to realize that you’re still in a jail cell with three other people. You look down at your aching hands to see them bruise up and dried blood on them.

Blood that wasn’t yours. You’ve been in this cell sobering up for the past nine hours.

“Y/n! You’ve been bailed out” A guard shouted. You stood up from the seat and walked to the door. Another buzz was heard and the door swung open. You stepped out and followed the guard to the front.

Once you got to the front, you saw Jenna standing there with an angry and frustrated expression on her face. You sighed and you grabbed your things before signing some paperwork with much difficulty. But once you were finished, you didn’t say a word to Jenna, you just left the police station.

“Y/n? Hello? Are you going to fucking explain yourself? What the hell is wrong with you?” Jenna snapped at you.

You ignored her and continued walking. But Jenna wasn’t having that, she jogged in front of you and stepped in your path. You tried to walk around her but she just followed her.

“You almost fucking killed Luis, Y/n. Do you not realize that?” Jenna seethed.

“Leave me alone Jenna” You mumbled and finally went around her but she was at your side in a second.

“No, I won’t leave you! You beat Luis so badly that he had to go to the hospital for stitches and a concussion. You’re not explaining to me why!” Jenna yelled.

You let out an angry breath and your eyes glare at her. This makes Jenna jump a bit because she’s never seen you this angry before.

“You wanna know why? You wanna fucking know why I should have killed that fucking bastard! Here!” You shouted and you pulled out your phone and showed her a screenshot you took. You then pulled the pictures you took from her bag and threw them at her chest.

“You are a fucking hypocrite Jenna. You accused me of fucking cheating on you when in actual reality, you were the one sleeping with another man. I gave you eight years…eight fucking years of unconditional love. Eight years of being by your side. Eight years of being loyal. Not once did I ever give you a reason to question my loyalty to you!” You shouted at the girl.

Jenna’s eyes widen as the biggest secret of hers has finally been discovered.

“You made me feel like I was the bad guy. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I stopped going out to places. I did anything and everything I could to try to fix what was broken between us” You fumed as your voice cracked. Tears were threatening to spill down your cheeks as you finally let your emotions out.

“Y/n…I-”

“You had him in our bed. You fucking FaceTimed me in the middle of you sleeping with him in his car. How much more disrespect do you think I can tolerate?” You cried. The tears now falling freely down your face. But you wiped them aggressively from your face.

“I should have fucking cheated,” You said and left her standing in front of the police station.

a/n: so…I’m watching the vmas right now and SZA should have won song of the year but we ain’t gon get into that 🙂…

[tallyica]

ok i have such a good request for you ml

i’m thinking maybe teenage james and he’s not very popular at school so sorta gets made fun of and reader is like a really popular girl on cheer and stuff so obviously she’s dating a jock and he james secretly likes her or something. Anyway i thought maybe reader and her jerk bf breakup ON prom night and James sees when he’s standing near the snack table and he really wants to do something and nervously asks her to be his prom date (even though they’re already there, idk)

i have faith in you wowza (please ignore how disgustingly horrid i wrote that out)

hihi!

maya omg ily sm this is sooooooo good you're so getting it tonight

also this pic gives off a lot of teen vibes so I thought it was rly cute and fitiing

uhhh idk what to make the readers name so its just ___

word count: 5,446

warnings: extremely toxic/abusive relationship, people get slapped twice, swearing, fluff, fighting, angsty start, happy ending

OPPOSITES ATTRACT (1980)

It seemed like I had a picture-perfect high school life, I was popular, on the cheer team, I had straight A’s, and my boyfriend was a football jock, which was every girl's dream it seemed. People at school adored me, I had beauty and brains. Though, I couldn't shake the feeling of unfamiliar eyes on me sometimes, watching me, but not in a creepy way.

The last few days have been full of excitement, as tomorrow was finally prom night, everyone had their prom dates, dresses, or suits, all of us ready for the festivities tomorrow night would bring. I was walking down the hall with my best friend Tammy, we had known each other for years and did cheer together. We were giggling and chatting when I heard a familiar voice, mixed with others and cruel laughter. It was none other than my boyfriend Darren. Tammy gave me a glance of confusion, and I just told her to shoo and let me deal with this, and she did, walking away. I quickly looked to see who he and his asshole friends were laughing at, and I saw a boy sitting on the floor, his long, curly blonde hair draping over his back and shoulders, a hurt expression on his face, watching as Darren went on to laugh and ridicule him before kicking him. I was not pleased with the sight, and I quickly approached the situation.

The boy was familiar, a past player of the football team. I didn't know his name, but I had seen him around school a lot, we had some classes together. I walked over to Darren, pushing him away from the group and the other on the floor, “What the hell are you doing?!” I asked, worried about the state of the familiar yet unknown man, searching Darren's face for any signs of regret.

“I'm putting that loser in his place, don't tell me you think he's more than that, he quit the team!” Darren yelled back at me, trying to convince me to forget about this.

I shook my head, “That doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to him!” I responded back, going to help the blonde boy off the floor, offering my hand, and he took it as he stood up.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? If he did I'm-” I was quickly cut off by him.

“No, I'm fine, thank you..” He responded quickly, brushing off his well-worn jeans as I scanned over his face.

“Are you sure? I'm so sorry, Darren can be a real jerk sometimes.” I added, still watching him as his eyes finally met mine. This time, they felt familiar, though in an unfamiliar way. Could he have been the one watching me?

He nodded, “Yeah, I'm fine, I promise,” He smiled at me slightly, which made me feel a little bit better. “I'm James, by the way.” James introduced himself to me.

I nodded with a small smile, “I'm ___. It's nice to meet you, James.”

Of course, I couldn't get even a simple conversation in without Darren pulling me away, grabbing me by my arm, and dragging me away like a child. I looked back at James, giving him a small wave and he did as well.

Once Darren pulled us away from the crowd and around the corner, he quickly shoved me against a locker, holding me by my shoulders.

“You think you can just talk to other guys like that? Especially shitheads like him?” He scolded me through gritted teeth.

I always hated it when he got like this, it scared me so much. “No, no, I- I'm sorry, I won't do it again,” I barely mumbled in my shaky tone.

He slapped me across the face, causing me to wince in pain and cover the impacted area, the sting growing with each second, and I could feel tears pricking my eyes.

“You better keep that promise, or else you'll be bruised way worse next time.” He threatened, pushing me back against the locker again before storming off, leaving me there as I began to cry, my mascara starting to run as I quickly headed to the bathrooms so I could hide. No one could see me, not like this. I'm considered the queen of the school, and the queen doesn't cry, right?

I quickly scurried into a stall, locking the door as I heard other students enter the bathroom. I quickly grabbed toilet paper to wipe my eyes, trying to clean up the mess I had become, trying to stop the tears that just kept coming. I covered my mouth, hearing the mumbled words of the other girls in the bathroom, waiting for them to finally leave to clean myself up.

I didn't want to go to prom anymore, not with Darren. I thought back to James, he seemed so sweet, and he was cute too. But unless I wanted to be hurt again, I wouldn't be able to speak with him, which disappointed me slightly, as he seemed like a nice guy.

As I heard the girls leave the bathroom, I quickly came out of the stall, looking at my messy face in the mirror, using water to rinse off my eyes and remove the mascara stains. I could also notice the growing red mark on my cheek, making me frown that it would be obvious, and possibly even appear tomorrow night.

Luckily, I probably wouldn't have to see any more of Darren until cheer practice, since he leaves campus for lunch. He normally watches me at practice, or at least I think he's watching me. I finished cleaning myself up, walking out of the bathroom as I wiped the last of my tears away, and headed to the cafeteria to get my lunch, which was a plain, boring salad, a diet suggested by my coach, and one forced by Darren. I don't even know what he sees in me, or what I see in him, but love is a crazy thing I guess.

I grabbed my tray, heading towards the salad bar, grabbing a paper bowl, and scooping some lettuce and tomatoes into it, garnishing it with minimal sauce and other salad additions before looking for somewhere to sit. I normally sat with my friends, and the rest of the cheer squad, searching for Tammy, but I couldn't notice or see her, but I did notice a familiar face sitting at a table, alone in the corner.

It was James. Darren wasn't here, so maybe I could go sit with him and talk, he looked really lonely, though he was always shy anyway. I headed in the direction of his table, all the way in the back, pushed into a corner. 

I approached him, “Mind if I sit with you?” I asked James, who didn't notice me approaching, though he nodded.

“Uh, no, go ahead.” He responded, his voice soft and shy.

James watched as I sat in front of him, picking and mixing my salad before he spoke again.

“That guy, Darren, he didn't seem too happy about you talking to me,” He began, his voice still soft as he spoke.

I shrugged, “Oh, my boyfriend Darren, he's a bit.. Sensitive, I guess. But love works in odd ways, y’know?” I said to assure him, but it seemed it was more to assure myself instead.

James' face changed, maybe disappointment, “Darren is your boyfriend?”

I nodded as I continued to eat, “Yeah, we’ve been together for a couple of months. Do you know him?”

James shrugged with a nod, “Yeah, I was on the football team with him.”

I glanced up at James, “He said you quit the team, why was that?”

“Coach told me to cut my hair or quit the team. I didn't have much choice.” He answered with a small chuckle.

I smiled at his answer, finishing my small salad as James continued to eat his own lunch.

“Are you looking forward to prom tomorrow?” I asked James, expecting a ‘yes’ as it seemed everyone was, but with him, I don't think prom is his biggest dream at the moment.

James just shrugged, “I guess, I wasn't really planning on going, but my friend Ron is, so I'll just go to hang out with him.” He answered, though his voice did not convey a single bit of excitement.

I just nodded, “It'll be fun.” I added, getting up to put my lunch tray away, feeling James' eyes on me as I walked away. After a minute I returned, going back and sitting in front of him, looking to the side briefly, making the faint red handprint on my cheek obvious, and James watchful eyes definitely noticed.

“Hey, what's that on your cheek? Did someone hit you?” James asked, his voice worried.

I felt my stomach drop, quickly covering it up with my hand and shaking my head, “No, no, I just uh.. Fell, earlier.” I muttered quickly, my words obviously untruthful.

James clearly didn't buy it, sitting up straighter and reaching out to moe my hand, his touch gentle and caring.

“You don't get a handprint on your face from falling. Who hit you?” James carefully moved my hand away, gently caressing the slap mark, making me bite back a wince of pain.

“No one, James. I'm fine, it's nothing.” I kept denying the truth.

Even with my continued responses, James wouldn't let up. “___. No one just ends up with a red print on their face, someone hurt you. Who.” This time he demanded that I tell him, but if I did, things would be a lot worse for me, and I didn't want James to get hurt by Darren again.

I shook my head, “James, just drop it.” I sighed, and he slowly pulled his hand away, backing down to where he sat.

“Fine.” He mumbled, letting it go for now, but I could see him continue to think about it.

It was silent between us for a while, until the bell rang and we gave each other a look of goodbye, walking off to our separate classes.

LATER THAT DAY

School had finished for the day, and now I was at cheer practice. The whole day Darren was gone, a bit of a blessing for me, but I also noticed that Tammy was gone too. She probably just didn't feel well and left early, and Darren probably had a party with his friends.

I walked towards the gym where we normally practiced, expecting to see Darren in the bleachers and some of the other girls' boyfriends or siblings.

I entered the gym, hearing the squeak of sneakers on the wooden floor, noticing I was 4 minutes late. I sighed, setting my bag down as I joined the rest of the group, looking for Tammy, but I couldn't see her. Maybe she was just in the bathroom or something, so I walked up to Ashley.

“Ashley, have you seen Tammy?” I asked her, almost worried about my friend's absence.

She just shook her head, “No, not since our last class together. Why?”

I shrugged, “Nothing, thanks.”

I walked away, looking at the bleachers to also see that Darren wasn't there either. It had to be a coincidence, right?

Tammy wouldn't do that to me, we had been friends since middle school. I was probably just overthinking everything. The prom was tomorrow, and that should be what I'm focused on.

Until my coach snapped me out of my haze, grabbing my attention back to practice.

THE NEXT DAY

I awoke with a groan, stirring in my lonesome bed as my alarm clock rang. I slowly sat up, turning off the blaring machine. I sighed, the events of yesterday playing over in my mind, getting up and walking towards the full body mirror in my room, seeing that the mark Darren left had grown to a darker bruise, the faint and warped shape of his hand more obvious. I felt a sadness in my whole body, today was prom, and I'd be a mess all because of him. I looked to my prom dress I was so excited to wear, hanging on a rack, the slightly poofy, flowy baby blue dress, so beautiful, would now never be brought to its full prom night potential. I had spent months working up the money to finally get it, not to mention to heels I would be wearing with it.

I quickly got ready for school, wearing a denim skirt with a light pink sweater, quickly doing my hair, keeping it down, and working on my makeup before I could put on my shoes and head out for school.

As I drove to school, I couldn't help but wonder why Darren and Tammy were absent from cheer and lunch. Darren normally was gone during lunch, but Tammy was normally always there, sitting at the cheer table waiting for me.

And she had never missed one cheer practice, ever. This wasn't like her, but maybe she just felt sick and left early. Eventually, I shook the thoughts out of my head, my mind wandering somewhere more pleasant, James. He was so shy and sweet, though a complete opposite of me.

A guitar-playing metal head in a band, his beautiful long hair almost like a lion's mane, I couldn't help but feel a little attracted to him, even if I was in a relationship with Darren. I hadn't known James long, but he feels closer than that.

After a few more minutes of driving, I arrived at school, parking my car, and walking into the building, firstly headed to my locker, where I saw Darren hanging nearby, seeing him talk to a friend of his as I walked up to him.

“Hey, ‘you excited for prom? We're still going together, right?” I asked with a smile on my face as he broke away from his conversation, shooting me an annoyed glare.

“God, just leave me be, ____. I don't needa hear you bitch to me.” He replied coldly, ignoring my questions.

My smile quickly dropped, sighing and walking away with a frown, heading back towards my locker to grab my stuff, not paying much attention to my surroundings, my shoulder bumped into someone's arm snapping me out of my sad haze. 

“Sorry, I didn-” I glanced up at the person, realizing it was James.

He quickly noticed the bruise on my face, his face changing with worry, “What happened? I want an answer this time. You don't just get a bruise like that from nothing.” James more so demanded rather than asked.

I sighed, shaking my head, “I really shouldn't be talking with you right now,” I muttered, trying to walk away quickly, leaving him hurt and confused as he followed after me, grabbing my arm.

“Hey, where are you going? Why can't you talk to me?”

I grunted, trying to get out of his hold, Darren's threat replaying in my mind. I didn't want to get hurt further, and I really didn't want James to get dragged into this and hurt as well.

“James, I can't talk to you. Leave me alone!” I grumbled, and he let go of my arm, a look of hurt and sadness on his face as he watched me walk away from him. I felt horrible for treating him like that, but I couldn't put either of us at risk.

Even after I stormed off, I could still feel his eyes on my back, heading towards class. It was like he was glued to me, unable to remove himself until I got too far into the crowd where he could no longer see me.

School was slow that day, though the classes and students buzzed with excitement over prom, smiles, and laughs with last-minute prom-posals, though I couldn't get myself to feel excited over the eventful night.

Eventually, it had reached our lunch hour, everyone heading to the cafeteria, seeing the cheer table, where Tammy actually was, and I also saw James, alone again, in the corner.

I had to talk to Tammy for a minute, even though I would've almost preferred to be with James. He looked disappointed, sad in a way, and I knew I was part of it.

I sighed, grabbing my lunch and scurrying towards Tammy and the table of other cheer members, sitting down next to her.

“Where were you yesterday? You were gone all day basically and didn't make it to cheer.” I asked, slightly worried but confused.

She just shrugged it off, “Oh, I just didn't really feel like going. I had other things and people I wanted to do instead.”

Her voice had an undertone to it, I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly, but it was not good. She sounded snarky, and when she said ‘people she wanted to do’ I could tell something was off. I gave her an odd look, eyeing her before something caught my eye.

Hickies, on her neck. It wasn't something usual, she didn't have a boyfriend or crush or something, or at least not one that was known. She gave me a small smirk, noticing my staring.

“What? Is something wrong?” She teased rather than asked, and now everything clicked.

Why Darren was gone all day, why she was gone all day, why Darren disregarded the prom thing, why she is acting so strange.

It seemed that my world crumbled around me, my once perfect social life, shattered in just a day.

I quickly got up, not thinking to grab my food, I had lost any appetite I once had, storming towards the back of the cafeteria. I needed someone to talk to, but there was no one I could air something like this out to. I wasn't thinking much, quickly leaving through the back, but I could feel familiar eyes on me as my own welled up with tears.

James.

I ignored the feeling, running out to the empty hall and outside the school, tears streaming down my face as I wandered towards the empty school courtyard, sitting in the grass as my emotions crashed down on me, everything coming loose in my head, though clicking.

Darren had always been an asshole to me, sure, there were the good moments, but I never felt truly happy with him because he never seemed that happy with me. I loved him, so much, but all that love was now thrown away for my own best friend. He doesn't even know that I know, but I doubt he could care.

I tried wiping my tears off of my face, staining my sleeves black with runny mascara as I heard footsteps approach, glancing up, my puffy eyes meeting James.

He slowed as he came closer, sighing. “I know you want me to leave you alone, but..” He trailed off, watching me as I sniffled, shaking my head.

“No, I don't want you to leave me alone,” I mumbled, and he came closer and sat next to me. 

I looked at him as I sighed, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it, I didn't mean it.”

He shrugged, “Why would you not mean it? I'm a fuckin’ loser and you're, well, you.”

We sat in silence together for a moment, and I sniffled again as I tried to stop my tears.

“What's wrong? Or do you not wanna tell me.” He asked, and I had to tell someone, I had to tell him.

I began to cry more as I explained what happened, Darren hitting me for talking to James, the threats he made, getting cheated on with my best friends, all the toxicity of my relationship with him finally coming to light as I leaned against James, and he held me, gently wrapping his arms around me as I sobbed into his shoulder, hearing every word, cry, and sound I made, careful to listen to me in a time of hurt.

The story seemed to make James upset that that had happened to me, but it also seemed to fuel a fire in him. For the short time he'd known me personally, he seemed to care a lot already.

I eventually stopped mumbling the story as I kept crying, his worn band shirt soaked with my tears as he gently rubbed my side with his hand, his touch making me feel warm, something that Darren never could do.

“Shhhh, you'll be okay, I'm here, alright?” He said to me in a soft voice, trying to comfort me as I kept crying against him.

“You don't need that asshole, you can do so much better than him. And if she was really your friend, she wouldn't have done something so shitty like that.” He kept comforting me, the soothing motions of his hands helping me reach a calm after a good couple more minutes of crying into him, my sobs slowly stopping as I just sat there with him, in his arms.

After a few more minutes of silence, just us together, James spoke up again, “You alright?”

I just shrugged, “I don't know.. Everything just.. Crashing down around me.” I mumbled, snuggling in closer to him, my hand on his shoulder/neck area as I moved my face from his shoulder, laying the side of my face there as I looked up at him, my puffy red eyes, tear-stained and mascara-ruined face, his eyes meeting mine.

We stayed like this for a few moments, our eyes breaking contact for a moment before he spoke up again, “Class is gonna start in a few minutes. Let's go to my car and I can get you cleaned up, alright?”

I nodded, and we got up and walked together to his beat-up truck, grabbing some tissues and an old bottle of water. I sat on the edge of the truck bed, James coming up to me and dampening the tissues with water, wiping my face clean of the stains, his touch gentle and caring, my cheeks heating up slightly.

LATER THAT AFTERNOON

School was done for the day, and now I was at home, hastily getting ready for prom.

I curled my hair, making sure I looked as beautiful as possible. I did my makeup, nothing too over the top, though I was careful to night use mascara, feeling that I would probably end things with Darren tonight.

I slipped on my beautiful dress, one that hugged my features well, the poofy skirt of it flowing amazingly, and I had never felt more pretty as I slipped on my heels, admiring my glam self in the mirror with a small smile. I had never felt so gorgeous as I walked to my car, and drove back down to the school.

Darren was supposed to be my prom date, and I'm guessing he still is unless he's changing his mind and going with Tammy. I tried to ignore the thoughts, hoping that James would be there if anything went wrong.

Something about him made everything feel… right, in a way. He made me happy, even though we'd only been friends for two days.

Eventually, I arrived at the school, the parking lot packed, trying to secure a spot so I could get in without being too late.

Soon enough I found a parking space, getting out of the car and sighing, beginning to walk towards the school and into the gymnasium which had become a makeshift banquet hall, a messy, rushed dance floor in the center, loud music, balloons, streamers, lights, the full nine yards. Couples danced together, some getting too touchy, friends laughed and talked, and then it caught my eye.

Darren and Tammy. Together. Again. Except this time, they looked like they were practically making out, hands dragging across each other, lips locked as she squealed in excitement and pleasure. 

I felt something in me snap, anger. I stormed towards the two, pushing Darren off of her, making him look pissed, “The fuck is your problem?” He sneered at me, pushing me back. The interaction garnered some attention from other attendees as I was pushed back by Darren.

“My problem is you're making out with my best friend!” I yelled back at him, more people watching by the second.

Darren just rolled his eyes as Tammy stayed silent, “You're just a basic whore, there's nothing to you.”

That hurt, deeply, but it only fueled my rage as I let out an annoyed grunt, my anger showing as I slapped my past friend hard across the face. She winced in pain, touching the stinging mark.

He was now beyond pissed with me, and I was even more pissed with him.

“You're a loser! I'm done with you! You think that you're all this and that because you're some fucking dumb jock, but you are just a loser!” I nearly screamed at him, feeling someone tug on my arm and pull me away, saving the three of us from experiencing a rough beating from each other.

I turned back to see who was dragging me away, and it was James. I was annoyed at first, needing to get some final words in, though I couldn't stay frustrated with him for too long, he was just doing me a favor. After we walked toward the back of the gym, he let go of me.

“You should go fix yourself up quickly. Not that you look bad, you look really pretty, but-” He paused himself, taking a breath. I nodded, walking out and into a nearby bathroom, adjusting my slightly tussled dress and fixing my hair.

I didn't look too messy, even after the mini tussle with my now ex-boyfriend. I just had to fix a few things, and I'd look as good as new, and now I do.

I took another breath, walking back into the gym, slightly sad, now alone. I couldn't see James, and I could see Darren and Tammy in a corner. The last two people I wanna be around right now. All of my other friends were messed about with their boyfriends or crushes, flirting with them.

Then it began. The slow dancing. The notes of a slow, soft love song stung my ears, and the sight of all the lovey-dovey couples who couldn't get enough of each other made me sick. I was always a sucker for romance, but I guess when you have no one to share it with, it just seems yucky.

I sighed, watching them all dance slowly with each other, debating if I should just leave or not, I had nothing to do here other than just stand in the middle of the floor, feeling jealous of truly in love couples.

I evaded my eyes from the sight, looking down at the floor, until I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, turning my head to see who it was.

A shy, nervous blonde boy stood beside me, his long curly hair hiding his face somewhat as he held the back of his neck with a hand, “Do you uh.. Wanna be my prom date..?” James asked me softly, his eyes not meeting mine out of embarrassment and nervousness.

I smiled lightly, nodding, “Mhm, yeah. That'd be nice.” I answered, my voice also soft as a small pink crept up on my cheeks.

He raised his head, a sheepish grin on his face as he placed his hands on my waist, and I placed mine on his shoulders as we began to slowly sway to the music, our eyes meeting with a sense of familiarity.

“I'm not much of a dancer, so… sorry,” He muttered with a small chuckle, and I just smiled in response.

“That's fine. You're doing great anyway,” I reassured him, and he smiled slightly wider.

I took him in with my eyes, admiring his fresh, orderly dark grey buttoned-up blazer with matching slacks, and his little blue tie the white undershirt, his whole suit was so fitting on him, he looked very handsome, very cute.

“You look, really, really pretty tonight, I know I kinda rambled it earlier, but-” He complimented me with a smile before I cut him off.

“Thank you, you look pretty handsome yourself,” I returned the compliment, smiling up at him still as we continued to dance slowly to the music, both of our cheeks having a hint of pink to them as we looked into each other's eyes, and for a second, everything felt right in the world. Even though I hadn't known James long, I felt closer to him than I do with some longtime friends.

After another minute of dancing with each other, the slow dance had ended, though we didn't leave each other. We stood with each other, sat with each other, and just talked about so many different things.

He told me about his band, how he played guitar and did some vocal work, and told me all about his favorite bands and musicians, and I just listened with a smile on my face. His voice was calming, and he was such a fun person. I admired him with my eyes, his beautiful features filling my senses. His icy blue eyes fit his features so well, accenting his angel-like hair, and I just wanted to stroke it, he was so beautiful and very caring.

We were in the middle of a conversation about one of his favorite bands, Motorhead.

“They're this like, super heavy rock band, and their front guy, Lemmy, is a total badass! I wanna reach his heights one day. Musics has always been there for me, y'know?” He explained to me, acting almost childlike with his excitement over the topic.

I nodded with a smile, “Mhm, they sound pretty cool. Maybe you can show me some of their music sometime.” I added, hoping he would say yes. I could care less about the music, but I'd love to spend more time with him.

He nodded with a wider grin, “Yeah! Sure, I'd love to show you some of their stuff,” he responded with excitement.

I smiled again, “Good, I like that.”

Another hour or so later, prom had ended, and people began to leave the gym, heading to their cars and leaving with their partners or friends. James walked away, looking for his friend Ron who was his ride to prom and supposed to be his ride home too.

James approached me again, slightly confused and nervous, “Uhm, my buddy, Ron, he was supposed to take me home but uh, I think he took his date home and forgot about me, you mind giving me a ride back to my place? It isn't that far,” James requested, and I couldn't say no.

I nodded, “Sure, I don't mind. You wanna go now?”

“Yeah, let's get out of here,” He responded, and we began to walk out together toward my car. I got in the driver's seat, James next to me in the passenger seat as we began to drive, James giving me directions to his home, the car ride was scattered with random conversations and rapidly switching topics. One minute were talking about class, then TV shows, movies, music, friends, stores, clothes, everything. 

After a good 10 minutes of random talking and directions given by James, we reach his home, my car slowing across the street from his home, giving him a glance, “The house across the street, right?” He nodded in response.

“Yeah, that's the one,” James answered, though he didn't leave the car yet. I watched him as he sat still for a second, his eyes looking down in thought before he glanced back up at me.

“I uh, I had a great time tonight, a lot better than I thought. Thank you for, well-” I cut him off, my wants giving in as I leaned in and gave him a quick, soft kiss on the lips, which surprised him, and also myself. I pulled back, staring at him to examine his reaction.

After he was silent for a couple of moments, I grew worried that maybe I did something wrong, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't-”

James just shook his head, “No, that was.. Good, I've wanted that for a while,” He answered with a small, loving smile on his face, I nodded.

“Good, I.. I liked that.” I admitted, glancing down as my cheeks heated up.

This time he leaned in, giving me another soft, gentle kiss. We pulled away after a few moments, both smiling softly and glancing at each other before James undid his seatbelt.

“Well, I should get going, I guess,” James informed with a small smile, getting up and out of the car.

“Bye, James,” I said with a smile, watching him walk away.

“Bye,” He answered with a smile as well, heading back to his home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

next fic will be a Dave mechanix fic!!!!

[hughiecampbelle]

Waves Pt. 2 (Kendall Roy Oneshot)

Character/s: Kendall, Logan mention

Word Count: 1,447

Inspired By: All Things End by Hozier

Requested: Kendall Roy one shot pls 😩🙏🏼🙏🏼 I’m begging on my knees. My heart wants some major break up angst with Kendall. Prompt : “this isn’t working” - anon

Requested: Part 2 of waves with Kendall ? I don’t even have a prompt but I need to know what happens next? Like if there’s a reconciliation or break up😭🙏🏼 does Kendall find reader and make up or does it end in permanent heart break? I have so many questions ❤️🙏🏼 - anon

A/N: My loves!!!! I can only hope this is as good as part one, I'm a little nervous I used up all my writing ability on that fic lol. I also hope I've made it angsty enough!!! My absolute favorite thing is to write the crumbling of a relationship. It's real and raw and idk, I just love how complicated it can all get :) Feedback is always appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

REQUESTS ARE OPEN 🔮 / Waves Pt. 1

His hair is still damp and sticking to the pillow when he feels your body beside his. It’s been hours. The city lights glitter against the vast darkness of the night sky. You’re high enough to touch the stars. He must’ve fallen asleep: he hadn’t heard you come in. He is still, though, frozen against the sheets, holding his breath. It is an eternity before you say something. In these moments he has no idea what you’re thinking, only that your thoughts are howling in a language he can’t decipher. Your mother tongue, one long dead to men like him. Back to back, your spines kissing. He hopes, foolishly, the vertebrae will become knotted, intertwined, and he will never have to fear another moment without you. You will live as a singular monstrous creature. People will laugh and stare, but it will be the fullest extent of devotion. He wants to turn to you, express this innate want, but he understands even the smallest touch will leave you wounded. Flinching. There is little left of him that can stomach you becoming repelled by him, disgusted even. He is laying on thin ice. One wrong word, move, one false breath, and he will fall through. Perhaps it’ll be a welcomed feeling: the frozen sensation is all-encompassing. It will cradle him, swaddle him. It will pool in his lungs. He will gasp and choke until he is too weak too fight. He will reach for you, but your back is to him. You never heard the ice crack. 

Your bed, the mattress, has become home to something bleak and starving: it is eager to tear you apart, limb by limb, until there is nothing left. It sleeps soundly in moments like this. It has for a long time. He has tried not to think about it, give it attention. He has tried ignoring it, but it is harsh and spiky and it presses into him. Rips his skin open. A barrier between you, a wall, a gap. Another body keeping him from you. His father. If not his father, his siblings. If not them, then this creature. If not it, then himself. He has no one else to blame. It certainly isn’t your fault. This, at least, he can admit to. Delicately, he maneuvers himself so that he is facing the back of you. Your outline illuminated by the moon. How easy it would be to wrap his arms around you. How easy it would be to nuzzle his face into your neck. How easy it would be to fall back into place. He refrains from doing so. Heat radiates from your skin. Your warmth, physically and emotionally, had always drawn him close. You are the sun and by god, he will be your Icarus. It leaves him melted, a puddle of himself. He watches as your breathe, body rising and falling. They are not deep. You’re still awake. He opens his mouth only to close it. The silence he can live with. It’s what you’ll say next that might kill him. 

Kendall is reminded of all the nights you have survived together. Like tonight, they are wordless. Undressing easily, thoughtlessly. It’s the time of day you loved most. He’d come home to you, he would finally belong to you. He’d see you before a shower, smelling of cologne and sweat and fabric softener. Kiss your head before disappearing, not for long, and reappear clean. The soap scent would embed itself into your sheets, into you. One of you would make the journey across the bed, rest their head on the others chest, listen to a heartbeat they swore was their own. He’d go on about his day, his blood, but all you could hear was the steady beat of his heart. A series of sounds. A song, perhaps. You’d make all the right noises, all the right movements, but none of it could compete. Now his heart pulses out of his chest, rapid, fluttery, scared. It pounds and screams and there is little can do to tame it. Tame himself. The realization that he has ruined everything is neither new nor astounding. It seems this feeling has lasted a lifetime. Beyond that. It will out live him. His words fall feverishly from his mouth. He’s always saying the wrong thing, the worst thing, and he cannot stop himself. He has tried. So he doesn’t talk. He doesn’t say anything now. Is it better to speak or to die? To die, he decides, and he knows he could never take it back. To die. 

There is too much to repair. His words, his actions, there is too much bleeding. There is too much gore. You are hemorrhaging out before him and he can do nothing but lay very still and pretend it isn’t happening. You’re holding your insides, wrapping them in your arms like a child. These moments are becoming more frequent: the internal gratitude you have not brought children into this. You wanted them, many, and he did, too. But where was the time? The patience? Where was the love you could show them so that they might one day go on and find their person? It’s easier this way: the disintegration of a partner hood, a couple, than a family. You’re not sure you would. You’re not sure you could. You’d always imagined your child, children, with his eyes. Facing them, a second time, saying what you’re thinking, hazel and rich and so ashamed, would devastate you. Your perfect white carpet will be stained. So will your hands, under your fingernails. It drips from your mouth, the red, and it is all you can taste. Iron. Platelets. Plasma. Cell by cell, the seams fall apart. 

Your thoughts are strung together, knotted. There is so much to say and so little time. Soon, the sun will make her way across your skyline. You will have to look at him. You will have to face him. Quietly, though loud enough for him to hear, to understand, you let out three words. Behind you, he stops breathing. This is it, you think. To call it. A small piece of you fights back, kicking and screaming. It is desperate. It is in agony. Take it back! Take it all back! Please! It sobs into you, a bloom of despair spreading out from the middle of your chest. You have no one to hold you and so, you must do it yourself. This act is not lost on him. You pull further away from him, your arms tight around you. Once, not long ago, it would have been his skin you would have felt instead of your own. Sometime between then and now he regains the ability to mechanically gasp for air. In and out, exhale, inhale. It shouldn’t be, but it is: a slap to the face, stinging, his skin red. Something innate in him knows this is it. Shallow versions of himself laugh, they become hysterical. After all these years, your marriage ends one insignificant Wednesday morning. It’s not insignificant, though. He knows you would point this out, he knows you would be right. It’s not just now. It was your entire relationship. A begging, a cry, he had grown so used to he no longer heard it. This isn’t working. There is no fight left in him. Okay.  Time of death: 4:39. There are no monitors, there is nothing left keeping this relationship alive. Okay, he says again, and you understand what he means. Everything he’s ever needed to say, to apologize for, encased in that single word. He is not accepting it because he wants to. He wants to perform CPR, break a few ribs. He wants to revive this marriage, keep it alive by tube. But he loves you. He loves you and he cannot do that you. Trap you like that. So he lets it go. He lets you go. You should find someone better than him, his family. You will. That love will not be as painful as this love was. It will be easier. They will cherish you like he should have. For now though, he is thankful for your warmth. Your body beside his. The sun will rise and you will leave and he will be all alone, but now, while the stars sing, he can pretend for a little while longer. Everything will be okay. It will be okay and you’ll find happiness and he will too, knowing he can’t hurt you anymore. He can be content with this. Without you. You have already given him so much of your time. It’s selfish of him to ask for a second more.

[ashsostrange]

i’m (not) sorry to say, but miles is better off by himself.

idk if i’ve ever written a post this long, but i got energy tonight. y’all have been sucked into the black hole of shipping, so let me ground you and remind you of this amazing thing called being single. i’m gna talk ab margo and gwen, but mostly gwen bc she’s obv miles’ (main) love interest. i’ve said more than enough about why miles and gwen don’t work/make sense. if you wna be enlightened then feel free to click the links.

thoughts on ghostflower: here!

reblogging a moot's post w/ added thoughts: hereee!

i love ranting so let’s get it! 😛

i don't have much to say about margo bc sadly, she's barely there. what i will say though is that as cute as miles and margo would be together, there’s one more movie left lol. the third movie’s gna be busy as hell. there’s literally no time for romance, and to rush miles and margo (two people who just met) into liking each other in, like, a three hour timespan would just be terrible writing. plus, we all know she’s there for some bs having to do with miles nd gwen, which is literally soooooooo very lame, words can't describe. one, where are you finding the time to cram in jealousy/all this angsty romance mess when miles’ dad is ab to die and the universe is ab to collapse bc of a nigga that looks like the lovechild of a cardboard box and a cow?? two, is this really all margo is here for?? to make gwen jealous or “help miles realize he’s in love with gwen” ?? shameeee, like summer said. 😐 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: margo could be SO much more than a disposable love interest!!!

gwiles/ghostflower fans, i’m going to tell you something that will make you upset. i said i was coming for you and i meant it 🗣️‼️

before you yell at me and push smoke out of your ears, i need you to put your right hand on your chest and close your eyes. you feel your heartbeat? good. now, count to three while taking deep breaths and remember that none of this shit is real so you’d look stupid af trying to attack me. 🙃 some of y’all are getting TOO comfortable being unnecessarily disrespectful and ion like that lol. don’t try it here bc i’m on another level of not gaf!

listen, even if (when?) gwen and miles team up to save his dad, it won’t change the fact that gwen was keeping some hefty info from miles, yo. she was smiling in jeff’s face and cracking jokes like she didn’t know he was bout to die. y’all gotta be so very real with yourselves. you wouldn’t wna date, let alone be FRIENDS with someone who kept something that big from you, regardless of the circumstances or lack of ill intent. one of the most important people in your life concealing the fact that you’re about to lose another important person in your life is insane.

i’m aware that gwen didn’t tell miles about his dad because she genuinely thought it’d cause mass destruction if he saved jeff. thing is, even if miles knew that, i think he’d still feel betrayed. that’s 100% valid because this is his dad we’re talking about. he just lost his uncle not too long ago, too. i wouldn’t blame miles if he never wanted anything to do with gwen again. i wouldn’t blame bro if he got sick to his stomach every time he saw her. it’d be justified, bc if he never followed her that night, then he wouldn’t have had the chance to save jeff.

my point is that you can be a “good person” and still fuck up bad enough to make someone never wna speak to you again. miles is a sweetheart so he’ll probably forgive gwen. my thing is, miles forgiving gwen doesn’t mean the two of them are obligated to be friends again. they can handle it maturely, go their separate ways, nd never speak again. it’s really not even gna hurt y’all cuz it’s the last mf movie anyway??? 😭😭

if it isn’t clear by now, i don’t want miles and gwen together at all. they have no business being around each other frl 🙃 not as friends and definitely not as lovers. like, sure, that one scene where they’re swinging/talking on the bank was my absolute fav. it was cute. i shipped them before i really thought about it. that scene is still my fav, but my adoration for it isn’t gna stop me from keeping it real.

i really don’t care what anyone says or how in love they think these two are, this isn’t a “forgive and forget” situation. if the writers truly wanted gwen and miles to be involved romantically, then not only should they have structured their dynamic better, they shouldn’t have made gwen the person she was in this movie. love, love, LOVE redemption arcs because it’s a reminder that we're human and we're flawed, but you can’t redeem yourself from that. sorry. (not) i say miles should leave that girl alone 🤷‍♀️ leave all potential girls alone ffs.

in conclusion, it’s okay for miles to be single. he's 15 anyway, it's not like he'll die without a girl. i’m the suckiest sucker for anything to do with romance, but characters in film/animation don’t need to have love interests for a project to be considered good. if you feel like it does, then maybe ts you’re watching just sucks, lmao. a girl and a boy can be friends without one having feelings for the other, or both of 'em having mutual feelings. (in the media idk ab irl..) it’s time to stop forcing ts. please.

and it’s okay y’all, i promise you. it’s okay if miles and gwen don’t end up dating. it's okay if they reconcile and stay friends. it’s okay if they reconcile and don’t stay friends. though unlikely, it’s also okay if miles doesn’t forgive gwen at all! resolutions like these go to show that you can “forgive” someone without letting them have access to you anymore. that’s what miles needs to do. straying away from the “happy ending” everyone is expecting would be nice. it’d be a different approach and a realistic way to complete the franchise. (i’m not just saying this bc i love angst)

but before the gwiles (ugly ass ship name btw) fans start throwing up and telling me to end my shit, it’s 99% unlikely that anything i just stated will actually happen. we’re more than likely getting a kiss between miles and gwen, nd that’s bc the writers are probably high off the same dope they were on when they wrote gwen sneaking in thru miles’ window, j for his parents to be way more calm about it than any other normal parent would be. i could say some more about certain scenes but that's for another night.

miles doesn’t need to be with anyone. especially not gwen when it comes down to it.

oh and i HATE peter b. fuck that nigga. he was nun but an extra in this movie and i know he’s an opp in the next. 🙎‍♀️

that’s all! if you read allat then thanks, cuz i wrote a lot. if you're feeling angry, then go for a walk. this isn’t a place for any typa criticism bc i am right, therefore, i am not requesting confirmation. 🙌 i said what i said. have a good night.

[reyesstrand]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags @welcometololaland @strandnreyes & @alrightbuckaroo <33 this was a much needed distraction tonight!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

86

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

335,298

3. what fandoms do you write for?

predominantly 911 lone star. the only other thing i’ve dabbled in recently was the old guard

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? (i’m going to exclude prompt collections here!)

like a bright new dream (first i love you)

wanna be still with you (2x08 coda)

lit the spark (that set a fire) (firefighter!carlos au)

take me back to the light (1x08 coda)

to be reborn (3x04 coda)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do!! even if it takes a few days (where i’m likely just staring at nice words in my inbox and using them as fuel to brighten my mood) i love having that connection, and seeing maybe what stood out to someone who read my silly little story

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

any of my codas that i wrote immediately after an episode aired—my 3x02 spec fic some and now none of you, or my 3x07 coda/3x08 spec fic not a victory march—simply because we didn’t know the outcome for these storylines yet, and i let myself get angsty.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think 95% of my fics have happy endings but to shout one out in particular….hm. i’d say got real love maybe—truly just. fluff. and the boys coming home to each other and making that official. i also think the proposal bliss in (not afraid of) living on a fault line has got to be up there as well

8. do you get hate on fics?

nothing major

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i’ve always stuck to very implied levels of smut in my fics….idk i always worry i won’t be able to make it sound good when there’s people out there who do it brilliantly. however i’m challenging myself with food fic which does have some smut (with feelings. oh the feelings)

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

crossovers aren’t really my thing!!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, would be honoured though!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

love helping with brainstorming bits, but have never actually co-written anything

14. what’s your all time favourite ship?

tarlos brainrot always and forever

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have tons of ideas that i never commit to, which sucks. off the top of my head…the andrea & tk fic that i just never got into a flow with

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m strongest when it comes to setting a scene; when exploring what that character is feeling. i like to think i can kind of evoke a mood through imagery? i’m most comfortable when it comes to introspection and exposition and general narrative

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i tell myself i’m getting better, but i’d say dialogue is the constant thing that throws me off. i also worry i over-write sometimes

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i like it, if it’s being done with good intentions and suits the character. i’d imagine for heavier dialogue it would make sense to ask for someone who speaks the language to read it over to make sure it’s accurate

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i think the get down, back in like 2017

20. favourite fic you’ve written?

i can’t choose, so i present to you two wildly different honeymoons. first, dream this night away—almost 8.5k words after a seven month gap between posting when my writer’s block was at an ultimate high. then of course, to which there is no reply—i’ve been growing happier and happier with my writing especially with these last few fics of mine, and this one is something i’m just super proud of, and the support on it definitely brought me to tears a bit ajdnskdn

no pressure tagging @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @paperstorm @tailoredshirt @theghostofashton @inflarescent @birdclowns @liminalmemories21 @rmd-writes @heartstringsduet @freneticfloetry @orchidscript @tellmegoodbye @safeashousespdf and leaving an open tag as well!! <333

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ARI *slams palm on table* i WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. YOUR JJK CHASE ATLANTIC THOUGHTS PLEASE. (i agree very geto very gojo very megs)

SEL. take a seat we’re gonna be here for a while. here r some snacks for u while u read <33 🍦🥪🥤

but okokokok so these are my general assignments!!!!! pls let me know what u think…

gojo; heaven and back, ozone, obsessive, vibes

geto; swim, triggered, hold your breath, moonlight

megumi; roxanne, august

FIRST OFFFF heaven and back…… obvious gojo pick. sue me but it rly is so Him. so pretty and angelic and high and mighty………. but also kinda melancholic?? the way he flirts w godhood…. yeah. the chorus makes me think of him so bad sel. and the instrumental in general.. hhhh…. T_T

and then!! ozone!!! star and space symbolism aside…. its just so pretty and soft n hypnotic. and the lyrics GOD the lyrics sel…. the angst of it all. the same person that i need is the one i’m running from // i don't know why……….. oh, no, you don't understand // i neglected you again (explodes) 

as for obsessive and vibes….. no pun intended but both of these just have gojo vibes to me. Extreme gojo vibes. they feel so warm and nice 🥺☹️ n make me smile sm!! i can see the edits in my head 

BUT ALSOO the lyrics in vibes……….

oh, she says i’m out of her league // i don't think so // i’m not ready to leave, but i should go

and i’m ready if you're ready to go // just say the word, just say the word // please say the word

let this feeling slide // and girl, i’m yours tonight 

HEAVY on the last one im a big advocate of satoru ”im yours” gojo <33

(also sel…. i just finished reading col 2 and im gonna write a whole bible for it BUT for some reason these lyrics just make me think of col!reader and gojo…… idk why exactly its just such a lovely song and it makes me think of like. gojo being w someone hes comfy with!!!! after hes started letting his guard down more…. can i imply that it’s alright to let me in? // just give me time PSJFJD THEY MAKE ME INSANEEE)

but okok gojo aside. cracks knuckles….. Sugu Time

ive assigned him angsty songs but also some that r very soft bc to me he just has that contrast yknow…. teen sugu is the softest boy in the world to me but obv breakdown sugu is angsty and cult leader geto is just Twisted. and i love them all!!!!

swim…… its just. mesmerizing and pretty but also just a lil twisted to me… i feel like it can work for a lot of different versions of sugu. you picked a dance with the devil and you lucked out……… world is on my shoulders // keep your body open……. i’m exorcising demons, got ’em running ’round the block now???? its HIM.

AND AND….. triggered. this one is mostly just the overall vibe and the way it sounds but like… idk. i can just SEE the edits in my head yknow……. geto during his deterioration…. the moment he just snaps. and then his acceptance afterwards…. patience is a virtue // and i’m all out of time right now…….. tell me u see the vision

angsty songs aside i had to give him smth soft because soft sugu is real to me. so we have hold your breath…. obv emphasis on teen sugu here but i just think he loves so gently…. hold your breath // we’ll be just fine….. the smoke’s building in my lungs // well, goddamn, i’ve gotta have you…….. 😔😔😔

and finally the biggest sugu song of them all imo!!!! (and also my fave :3) is moonlight. i just adore it soo much its so lovely…. and above all else sugu is so unbelievably mooncoded to me. which is weird bc canonically hes suncoded. but hes also such a moon character……. and the ocean!! any kind of mention of drowning/waves/etc just makes my brain go ”suguru” 

the lyrics are just. so so SO sugu like;

we’re diving through the bottom of the ocean // swimming through a bottle of emotions, girl

you’re hanging for a good time // something that'll make you stay

caught up in your own small world // well, i might wanna see it then // call it hesitation, girl

we’re running in the moonlight // could you show me the way again?

and then FINALLY we have gumi ….. to me hes just such a softie. so both these songs are soft and a little sad bc hes also a sad boy.

roxanne is sooo pretty and the lyrics make me think of him!! in particular college!gumi (ur influence)……. i don't ever wanna let you down // no, i just wanna kiss your lips in the rain // you know i’ll pull you closer if you start to drown…… hes cute.

as for august gumi is just SUCH an autumn boy. so ofc i had to give it to him. but its also just a pretty song for a very pretty boy!! the vibes are very Him :’3 and some of the lyrics too… you said you wanted to ride away from everything // keep pedaling, we're on our way out // i never said we should try to be anything…. yeah.

OK IM DONE 😭😭 as u can see jjk x chase atlantic is a concept im extremely normal abt. BUT SEL PLSPLSPLS……. lemme know ur own thoughts 🎤🎤🎤 recs 🎤🎤🎤🎤 anything 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

I saw you updated late last night but couldn’t go to sleep without reading it first so i’m writing you know because i was really tired yesterday…

jaksksjsjsns new update got me feeling all type of feelings!!! i’m so happy oc and jk are starting to trust each other even though i can see that more on jks side.. i think after THE KISS his walls are slowly breaking down and in order to not appear manipulative, he is kinda opening up to her 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ idk maybe i’m wrong but i definitely see more progress on jks side than on ocs side..

also i just loooove when she slips up and call him jungkook like ajaksksjsjns can’t even tell you how much butterflies i got when i read it and jks reaction is chefs kiss!! when i reread all chapters few days ago i noticed she slipped up few times but we never got to see what did he thought in that moment like when she almost said his name in front of his apartment after he got beat up,, what did he thought? did he think she was being disrespectful or what? imo that’s the only way he will pay attention and actually listen to her so i really want to know what was going on inside his head even in the last chapter..

and for the anna,, please tell me my gut feeling is not wrong and we will get some angsty situations involving those three like I NEED IT!!! i need oc and jk to fight and than make up and strengthen their bond (don’t feel pressured it’s just my thoughts and you know i’m sucker for angst 😭) anyway,, i was evil happy when oc showed some type of jealousy?? or whatever that was

thank you for updating and not abandoning the series! i think i would wait for updates even when i’m old because it’s so good and i literally can’t live without knowing how did it all go so i feel really happy about you not leaving us!! and for your “long” an: DON’T ever say that again and i mean it😂 i always read them and all your asks because you share with us your thoughts and explain things about chapters and characters and sometimes i really need explanations as to know i interpreted that well or when you give us some mini spoilers so we know what can we expect next so please don’t apologize for that!!

love you and thank you again!! 💋💋

It’s alll good, always happy to get your thoughts in my inbox no matter the time! I hope you still got a good night of sleep though 😁

I think the reason why it’s more visible on Jungkook’s side for now is because Jungkook is making a very conscious effort to go against his knee-jerk reaction of distrusting OC. His walls ARE breaking down because he’s realized that under everything else, she cares about him. OC’s going much slower because this is just so completely new to her. Trust?? In this industry?? But she’ll come around eventually. You’re completely right though, Jungkook is the one who’s taking the first steps here!

Ahah that’s funny, I come from a fandom where one of the characters only calls his love interest by her name when he starts getting closer to her, so that’s a device I’ve grown very fond of and I’m shamelessly reusing that in here. So there is a brief passage that talks about Jungkook’s perspective in the Interlude:

“Worried about your safety, Jung— Mr. Jeon.” You sound almost annoyed, and normally he’d mark that as a small victory, but he doesn’t miss your slip up. He can’t. It makes him tense, and he has to wonder if it’s because you think less of him tonight. He’s sure — he’s convinced — that you would never, not in a million years, have made that mistake with Mr. X.

But the truth is, Jungkook’s conflicted about it. In the beginning, he suspects it's disrespectful because OC called him Jungkook when she was his handler and he thinks it means she still sees him like that. As time goes on though, he starts to think that the real 'OC' is not the cold, calculating appearance and that when she calls him by his name it’s when she lets the genuine 'OC' surface and shows that she cares. In the chapter before this one, he kinda realizes how hard it is for her to do that and how much she has to fight herself to let it happen. In this chapter, that’s why he changes his mind when she says his name, he realizes it must mean something’s gone very wrong.

My lips are sealed about Anna but like, from a story perspective it would really disappointing if I dropped that plot thread, right? Surely I wouldn’t leave everyone hanging like that right? 👀

I’m happy if you’re enjoying my long ramblings about life/this story lolol, I have so many thoughts about so many aspects of it and really enjoy discussing them but sometimes I wonder if anyone’s as interested in it as I am 🙈 It’s good to know you are!!

Thank you so much for this ask, made me so happy to see you again and to get to read your thoughts!!

[uhswag]

regret

fwb!charles leclerc x fem!reader

summary: you seek comfort in your situationship after a shitty day, but it only makes your day worse.

warnings: kinda toxic, smut (not that detailed tho), fwb

a/n: this was lowkey hard to write😭 and kinda based on something that happened to me😦 but f it we ball. i think this is angsty tho?? i tried idk. anyway enjoy buggos 💋

today sucked in all honesty. people on the street were mean. it was too hot and humid. your skin felt too much like skin. every little thing seemed to bother you and you were looking for a release. your release in mind? sex.

showing up at charles door for this was pretty natural at this point. the sex was good, and you guys had a friends with benefits situation going on for about four months. it was mainly sex, but sometimes you two had days that felt like real dates, and it made you wonder if whatever you had could be real. but all those “dates” ended with sex.

as much as you wished the lingering stares meant more, realising that most of your time together included sex at some point brought you back to reality. nonetheless, a small part of you may have started to catch feelings, but you would never admit it to the monegasque; you barely could admit it to yourself. your answer to avoid your feelings was that it was your “brain chemicals tricking you,” because certain hormones release after sex and can make you feel lust… right?

you end up at charles door this evening. you probably should have texted him before you were about to knock on his door, but this was an impulse visit. you craved something comforting tonight, and this was where your body took you.

the door swings open and a cocky smile is glowing from charles face, “surprise visit?” 

“just need to get my mind off things,” you hum, stepping inside his flat and taking in charles’ appearance. your eyes wander about his grey joggers and a white t-shirt that fit him perfectly.

“why waste any time then?” he says, then pulling you in for a kiss.

you immediately kiss him back, hungry for him. your hands wander to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss while you fight him for dominance. 

“someone’s needy tonight.”

per usual, you end up in his bedroom in some position on his bed. tonight, one leg is thrown over his shoulder as he thrusts into you. however, the sex wasn’t curing your feelings from earlier today at all. if anything, it made you feel worse.

mentally frustrated, and now sexually frustrated, your body starts to tense underneath him. regretting the position you are currently in, the comfort you sought in sex was nowhere to be found.

charles, who was confused, noticed your discomfort and slowed down, scanning your face for answers. 

you pull away from him trying to find something to cover your bare body, “sorry, i- i just don’t know if i’m feeling sex right now.” you stammer hesitantly. struggling to find the right words to say as you don’t know the best way to vocalise all your thoughts right now. all the same feelings from the previous hours of the day resurfaced and you felt stressed. 

“did i do something wrong?”

“no, no, it’s me i-,”

“then come on, mon ange, at least finish what you started.” charles cut you off with his suggestion, finding it hard to ignore his erect cock, but his words did not help you whatsoever. he clearly didn’t seem to grasp the level of your discomfort. and you really couldn't care less about that fact you may have given him blue balls.

“i just- i think i’m gonna head home.” you mutter, not knowing what else to say in response to his comment. this was the only thing you thought of as your mind was blanking. you were starting to deeply regret your visit.

“ok fine,” he laughs slightly, getting up off the bed, “go home then.”

“wait, what?” you ask in disbelief at what you just heard. a pit in your stomach forming slowly because deep down all you ever wished for was him asking you to stay.

“you came here for sex, no?” he states bluntly, redressing himself. “you don’t seem to be enjoying that, so why stay any longer.”

you look at charles, still in shock at what you heard, but his back is facing you. the man who is basically telling you to fuck off can’t even say it to your face. 

“right,” you whimpered, ”just sex. i’ll get going.” was all you had to say. you had no energy to even fight him back, all you could do was half heartedly agree. you needed to get out of his flat as soon as possible. frantically, you were searching for your belongings while biting your lip, trying to hold back that flow of tears and ignore the pain that was growing in your chest. 

forgetting everything from earlier, this was worse. charles made you feel like a useless cumdumpster, and maybe that’s what you were to him for the past four months. he spoke to you like you meant nothing. 

seeking solace in your own bed, you practically ran home. you wanted to walk as far away from him as humanly possible.

but, some part of you wanted to believe maybe he was pushing you away because he caught feelings too. maybe he was scared and that’s why he said what he said, but no matter the mental convincing or the “what if’s,” you heard him loud and clear. showing up tonight was your first and last mistake. you should've just stayed home.

━━━━━━━━

part 2??? let me know idk. also sorry for the verb tense changes but i actually cba to fix them because i wanted to get this out since i havent posted in a min.

also if i missed any warnings lmk bc i also suck with those😭 this writing shit be hard for real, so constructive criticism is welcome!

[katnissmellarkkk]

drabble request: katniss comforts peeta after a nightmare

Hi, anon bestie again!!! Idk if you’re the same person but hi anyways 🤗. Strangely emotive, I don’t have a lot to say about this drabble. The prompt (thank you for that by the way!) was super straight forward and so therefore, so is the contents of this drabble. I did turn out a little more angsty than I originally intended but I went with it 😅. Anywayssss as per usual, I hope you like it!

Oh and also! Thank you to everyone who gave me an outpouring of love yesterday for my non-hijacked Peeta oneshot! It warmed my heart and made a somewhat … difficult day better! So thank you so much! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

-

The darkness has rarely proven to be my friend. It’s rarely ever provided me with anything besides trepidation and flashbacks. And an innate sense that something is wrong, deep in the core of my being. Even after an entire day filled with nothing but peace and laughter — days that luckily have become more and more common for me in the last couple of years — the darkness still manages to slither beneath my skin, to swim along the blood in my veins, to gnaw on my bones, until I feel like nothing is left of me but a shell. A shell of the girl I sometimes manage to convince myself I am.

However, tonight it’s not me that the darkness has caught up to. Tonight it’s bypassed me and mercilessly gripped Peeta within its clutches.

He wakes with a wail. That much I immediately note. I’m still somewhere between sleeping and awake when it happens. Peeta gets up early to open the bakery four days a week, today included. And seeing as there’s no real need to hunt at every given opportunity anymore, I haven’t exactly been waking up at the crack of dawn as I once did.

There’s been many nights when I’ve resented Peeta’s ability to magically fall asleep hours before me. On paper, it does make logical sense, considering he starts his day hours ahead of me, but in the black of night, with nothing to fill my mind but my husband’s loud snores and the wind breezing in through the open window, it’s easy to stew in irritation.

But tonight isn’t such a time. Tonight I’m glad that I’m still somewhat alert when Peeta thrashes upright, his baby blues wide and stormy, like a rain cloud rapidly exploding across the sky. His limbs flail and the covers fly to the floor and a cry of agony emits from the back of his throat.

And I know all too well what to do.

“Peeta,” I whisper into the lightless room. “Peeta, you’re dreaming,” I assure in the calmest tone I can. He doesn’t react, he doesn’t calm at the sound of my voice — which isn’t a good sign by any means — and he doesn’t stop making that horrible, guttural choking sound. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he couldn’t hear me at all.

But I do know better. I know better and I know how to gauge his reactions by now, so when I reach out to touch his back, I fully expect the way he shudders away from me like I burned him with a white hot cattle prong.

Johanna never should have told me about those awful tools. I could have easily lived without knowing how District Nine authorities abused their animals and their citizens alike throughout history.

“Peeta,” I whisper again, knowing not to raise my voice above a murmur, knowing not to startle him, knowing that his nightmares are usually about me. And not the same way they once were.

“My nightmares are usually about losing you. I’m okay once I realize you’re here.”

Those dreams still exist for him. They still make their violent appearance every so often. But they aren’t the only fears that haunt Peeta in regards to me and unfortunately there’s nothing either of us — or even Doctor Aurelius — can do at this time.

I watch on, biting back any sort of emotion that threatens to rise up in my throat, as Peeta buried his face in his hands and let’s out an agonized cry. Of anger, of fury, of blatant despair. I don’t know and I refuse to ask. But I wait it out, as patiently as I can, until his shoulders still and his cries cease.

I unintentionally hold my breath as he raises his head, still moving at a lethargic pace, and finally meets my eyes at once.

And I know then that it’s okay to touch him. His eyes are clear, the tension is removed from his expression and his strong arms are relaxed. Relaxed and reaching for me.

Because he’s realized now that I’m not a monster. Sometimes — a lot more often than either of us are too happy to admit — his nightmares center around the mutt version of me that Snow conjured up in his head. Sometimes Peeta dreams of me torturing him, taunting him, using and abusing and at times even maiming him. And when that occurs, it takes a moment for him to separate the waking from the dream.

But when he does, I can’t explain the immense relief that washes over me like a tidal wave. Like a star falling straight out of the sky and hitting me square in the chest.

He knows me, a small, desperate voice cries out incredulously in the back of my mind. He knows who I am and who I’m not. He knows my heart and what I wouldn’t do to hurt him.

I fling myself across the bed, hurdling my body full force into his arms. My arms wrap tightly around his neck and I press my cheek to his tearstained one, murmuring soothing words directly into his ear.

“Shh, it’s okay,” I promise, petting down his wild curls gently. “It’s over now, Peeta. The nightmare is over done.”

His shoulders bound up and down as he continues to cry in earnest. Every pent up emotion he keeps inside, every scar that Snow gave him that continues to still bleed, every last terrifying thought he has bounding around inside his head, spills down his face in the form of liquid salt. And my chest hurts at the sight. My heart aches as I realize that I can never take this away from him, that there’s an entire segment of his story that I can never fully understand, that no matter how much I love him I can never fully heal him myself. That he’ll have to always live with this open wound forevermore.

It’s not the first time I’ve had this realization but as of yet, it hasn’t gotten any easier to accept.

We sit in a huddled up position for a long time, his head burrowed in my chest, my hand alternating between rubbing his back and smoothing down his hair. My legs sit in a straddle on either side of him, my entire body weight resting on his thighs. But he doesn’t seem to mind. He doesn’t seem to notice the extra weight I’m piling on top of him.

“Real or not real, you have the ability to make fires by clapping your hands,” Peeta mumbles after a while, breaking the ice. His mouth is pressed against my shoulder and it takes me a beat to decipher his words but when I do, I can’t help but pull back to peer down at him.

“Not real,” I say, maintaining a serious expression as not to leave him with any doubt at all.

He chuckles though, with a genuineness that is too characteristic of his real, sane self, and I know the storm has official passed. “Yeah, I know,” he says as I brush his cheek with the back of my fingers. He turns his face to kiss my hand softly and sighs. “But I still hate those dreams.”

“So do I,” I whisper, knowing there’s nothing that we can do to take it away. And not wishing to dwell on that fact long. After all, dwelling on the tragedies of our pasts won’t help us heal. It surely isn’t conducive to living a productive, meaningful life. And it’s not going to change anything for us either way now.

Peeta’s hand slides beneath my shirt and I feel his short nails tenderly trace the outline of my spine, like it grounds him in this moment here. Like it helps him to physically feel the things that are real about me. The things his nightmares cannot falsify.

I lean down and plant a kiss on his bare shoulder, trailing over to the side of his neck. He hums contently and pulls me tighter into his embrace.

“I wish I had more dreams like this here,” he says and I can’t suppress my chuckle.

“You’ve definitely had enough dreams like this here to wake me up for some… strenuous activities before you leave in the morning,” I remind coyly, moving up to kiss the underside of his jawline.

But he’s never been one to be abashed. Not about all things romantic. “I’ve told you, I’m helping you get your daily exercise.”

“How generous of you,” I deadpan, pressing my mouth against his cheek now.

He catches me by surprise though and turns his head, capturing my lips with his own. I grip the soft hair on the back of his head, taken aback by the abrupt action.

I don’t pull away though. The kiss feels too warm and passionate and right to deny, to run any chance of ruining. Instead I let him take the lead, letting him tip me onto my back and lay me beneath him on the bed. My hands run up and down his naked chest hungrily, wanting nothing more than to make him feel better. Wanting nothing more than for him to just be okay, than for him to know deep in his bones that I love him. That I love him so undeniably. Even if I haven’t always been great at expressing that fact.

Just when I’m growing fully immersed in his tender kiss though, he suddenly breaks away, leaning back on his elbow. “Hey, Katniss?” He murmurs.

“What is it?” I ask breathlessly, my fingers still lingering on his bare skin.

“Thank you,” he proclaims and I have to blink a couple times to comprehend the words, his sudden mood changes throwing me through a complete loop.

“For what?” My voice couldn’t sound more plainly confused if I were playing dumb right now.

“For sticking by me through everything. For always being there.” He shrugs, abruptly avoiding my eyes, choosing to brush a wild strand of dark hair off my forehead instead. “I know it’s not always easy but somehow you never give up on me.”

“Never,” I say automatically, with every ounce of devotion I can possibly convey. “I’ll never give up on you, sweetheart. Not for as long as I live.”

He smiles sweetly, and then leans down to pick up where we left off. His hands slide up inside my shirt, jumbling my thoughts and curating a feeling of mania inside me, from the passion and the pain that has swiveled around in an alternating pattern these last few minutes.

As his lips trail down to my chin and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist, I can only force out one more coherent sentiment. “I promise, no matter what happens, I will never give up on you, Peeta. Ever.”

[beyondspaceandstars]

A Good Man

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: TFATWS SPOILERS, angst, underlying anxious tones (happy ending, though!) Summary: Bucky calls you distraught after having to resume the classic role of the Winter Soldier again A/N: When I saw this scene in TFATWS all I could think about was how wild that had to be for Bucky to assume that brainwashed role again and idk maybe it isn’t that deep and i just went crazy with it but what can i say? i love a good sad/angsty one shot with happy ending :)

Masterlist

Your heart leaped with joy as your phone started buzzing beside you on your desk. Only one person would be calling you at such an obscure time and seeing your boyfriend’s name and picture pop-up as confirmation made your heart melt.

Hitting ‘accept,’ you happily greeted him, "Hi, honey."

You couldn’t contain the smile on your face as you waiting for his answer. You two hadn’t talked for a bit after he went off, only giving you a brief rundown of his plans. He was a bit frantic, a bit worried about his actions, but you assured him you knew what he had to do. Not being much of a hero yourself, all you could do was support him and promise to be there when he gets back, arms opened, ready to comfort him.

"Hi, doll," Bucky responded but his tone absolutely did not meet your energy. He sounded a bit out of it, almost distant, as his words dragged out in a sigh. At first you thought maybe he had just gotten tossed around in a fight but there was something in his voice you had to inquire about.

"How’s everything going?" You asked, cautiously, as you leaned back in your desk chair. The late-night work you were doing was becoming abandoned as your attention turned to your boyfriend.

Bucky paused, the line practically going dead. You worried he had hung up, maybe thought better than to tell you what was going on, but you could still hear his uneven breaths. They were haunting and rigid. You started to get more worried as the seconds of silence went on.

Afraid he was going to drop the call, you wanted to change the subject when Bucky finally spoke up. "We teamed up with Zemo."

Your phone nearly slipped out of your hands. Sitting up abruptly, you did your best to contain your shocked tone. "Wow, um, alright," you nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. "How- How is that going?" The last thing Bucky had explained was going to see him in prison and now somehow, some god-damn way, the man was outside. The man who had done all that to your boyfriend. Had controlled and weaponized him. The terror, the fear, everything Bucky would tell you came rushing back-

"Doll," Bucky mumbled, cutting off your thoughts. You gulped at his weak, sad tone. "You still love me, right?"

Your brows furrowed. "I love you so much, Buck," you said, meaning every single word entirely. After a deep breath, you then asked, "What’s wrong?"

"If you see any videos tonight, please don’t watch them-,"

"Videos?" You gasped, "Bucky, what is going on?" Your jaw clenched as you sat on the edge of your seat, desperate for answers. You weren’t about to disobey him but he was also giving you nothing.

That silence came back but you forced yourself to wait patiently. No dial tone came, just the same haunting breaths on the other end of the line.

He spoke abruptly, nearly catching you off guard. "We needed to speak to an informant so…" Bucky coughed, sounding like he was covering any worry. You still waited, silent. "I had to take on the role of the Winter Soldier, that Winter Soldier, again."

"I- What?" You asked. What the hell did that mean? "What do you mean took on the role? What- Bucky, what did you do?"

"No, no, babe, it’s fine," His voice was frantic, making something twist in your heart out of sadness. "I- I had to just pretend but it was back in that headspace, that role, and… And it was a lot, doll. I felt like a soldier again, following commands, and I didn’t- I mean I’m fine, everything’s fine. I know it wasn’t real but I- I just needed to talk to you. It got overwhelming and…" Bucky took another deep breath. You sniffled, holding back some tears as you listened to the worry, the tragedy, in his voice. "I just needed to hear your voice. Remember who I am now. What I have waiting for me."

You couldn’t help the little sob that escaped you. You didn’t exactly think it was the end of the world but it was… alarming. Necessary, it seemed, but alarming, and you didn’t know how to really help. Part of you wanted to beg him to come home but that just wasn’t reasonable. You knew the stakes very well.

Bucky started mumbling your name trying to calm you down but you cut him off. "Bucky, you know that’s not you anymore. You’re no one’s soldier, you’re no one’s asset, okay? You’re a good man who just wants to make things right." You took a deep breath as the waterworks flowed. "It wasn’t real, honey. You did what you had to do for the great good. As cheesy as that may sound, it’s true. And I think the fact you’re worried about it means you’ve come a long way."

A shaky breath came through on the phone. You both seemed to be such messes on different sides of the world. All you desperately wanted was to take him in your arms, reassure him everything was fine, feel his touch and give him that comfort. But he was doing what he had to as a hero and you knew it didn’t come without its challenges.

"Thank you, doll," Bucky mumbled. "I really needed to hear all that."

You mustered a weak smile through your teary expression. "You’re doing good, honey, I promise. You’ve worked so hard and I’m immensely proud of you."

You could practically hear the smile finally forming on Bucky’s lips as he gave you another thank you.

"Now, if I may ask," you sighed, "what is this about videos?"

Bucky groaned. "Some witnesses had those genius phones or whatever."

"You mean smartphones?"

"Whatever," He scoffed. "I think they took videos of the fight."

You shook your head, moving the phone to your other ear for comfort, and leaned back in your chair. "Your therapist is not going to like that."

"Please don’t remind me."

You couldn’t help but give a little chuckle at his response. "Are you doing okay, now?"

Bucky hummed. "I think so," he said. "Sorry for bombarding you with all that. I got a little panicky when I realized…"

The trailing off made your heart break just a little bit more. In your time of knowing him, when he wasn’t speaking his mind could be wandering, filling with worries and horrors you just wanted nothing more than to magically cast away. But the best you could manage was to actually be there. To listen to it all, fully on the roller coaster ride.

"Hey, honey," you said, trying to pull him away from his thoughts. "I promise, you’re okay. You were doing your job and it might not have been ideal but that wasn’t you. You don’t even know that person anymore."

"You’re right," he sighed. "God, how are you always right?"

You giggled, wiping away some stray tears. "I’m just so smart."

Bucky gave a weak laugh. It wasn’t much but you’d take it. "That’s for sure," he agreed.

He sounded like he was about to say something else when a voice called in the background. Bucky let out an annoyed sigh then said, "I have to go, doll, but I can call you tomorrow."

"Okay, honey," you said, sniffling slightly. "Please be safe."

"Always," he mumbled, his voice cracking just a bit, but he seemed to quickly compose himself. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Buck," you sighed. "Come back to me in one piece."

"Doll, please, you cannot say that to your boyfriend who has a detachable arm."

You gasped, "Bucky, you know what I mean-,"

He cut you off with another weak laugh. You were slightly relieved his humor hadn’t totally abandoned him in his panic. You wish you could see the same for yourself but Bucky always knew how to break the mood.

"Of course, I do," he sighed. "Just like teasing you."

"You’re insufferable."

He scoffed. "You love me." You could practically see him shaking his head with that stupid but loving teasing grin playing at his lips, trying to overcome those sad eyes.

You chuckled as your heart absolutely warmed at the mental pictures of your boyfriend. There was no denying you were madly in love with him. All of him. Brain, body, heart, soul. The entire package. "Of course I do."

[emmyhem]

always (l.r.h)

a/n: hi everyone! this is a lil angsty piece i wanted to get up. i just want to say again how sorry i am for not getting anything up for the past two weeks, i’ve just been overwhelmed with some stuff for my classes, but i am starting to get back in the swing of things now. also, this is unedited as i was rushing to get it up in time. i do plan on posting something else tomorrow night and hopefully i’ll be posting pretty consistently from now on. also this does end kind of abruptly but i wanted to leave it like that because i’m a sucker for angst, with that being said i would be happy to write a part two if that’s something you’d be interested in. anyway, feedback and comments are appreciated as always and i hope you’re all having an amazing day/night. enjoy! - emmy <33

pairing: luke hemmings x fem!reader 

summary: luke recounts his mistake and hopes he can patch things up with his always. 

warnings:  very brief mention of sex, cursing, mentions of alcohol, luke’s being an asshole, mention of pinching (idk), slight insecurity from the reader, lots of angst :( 

word count: 2.6k

Luke had always hated the quiet. That’s when his thoughts were the loudest. That must be why he had never really liked being alone with himself. 

Tonight in particular, his thoughts were practically screaming, one word over and over again. 

“Y/n”

For the past two years that name had acted as his most favorite word, one that he would utter whenever he had gotten the chance. Whether it be to brag about your recent accomplishments to his friends, to catch your attention from another room, or falling from his lips with a sigh of pleasure as he reached completion with you laying breathlessly beneath him. 

Now the word seemed torturous, the last time he uttered it replaying on a relentless loop in his head. 

It was your 2nd anniversary. Dinner had been laid out on the table for an hour. Two glasses of wine sat untouched in front of a vase of roses you had picked out at the florist earlier that morning, and there was no sign of Luke. 

You were wracking through your brain as you watched a petal fall from a rose and land lightly in one of the glasses. 

Had you gotten the time wrong? 

But you were sure that the two of you had agreed on 8:00 for dinner, that way you had time to get everything ready after getting home from work, and Luke wouldn’t have to rush to leave the studio. 

Yet somehow you found yourself staring at the now cold dinner at 9:30, with absolutely no word from Luke. You wanted to call, if for no other reason than to check he was still alive and breathing, but your nerves stopped you from doing that, not wanting to take on the role of the overbearing girlfriend. 

Your stomach growled hungrily over the light music that was playing through the house speakers. So, begrudgingly you took a bite of the pasta on your plate before downing your entire glass of wine. 

Luke arrived home about 2 hours later, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. He caught sight of the table, with one setting completely untouched as he hung up his coat, causing guilt to pang in his chest. 

“Baby,” he called out, carrying himself to your shared bedroom.

When no response came his heart rate sped up in fear that you had left. 

“Y/n” he called, louder this time with a sense of urgency clear in his voice.  

That’s when he spotted a person sized lump underneath the duvet. Releasing a sigh of relief he moved towards you, peeling the blankets off and leaving a soft kiss on your shoulder. 

This caused you to stir a bit, eyes fluttering open to meet him. 

“Hi, my love.” he cooed. 

A frown was prominent on your face, and a crease separated your eyebrows as they furrowed angrily. 

“I’m sorry I’m late. We got a bit carried away in the studio, but in good news the album is coming along great. M’so excited for you to hear it” 

You had always tried to be understanding of Luke’s job for many reasons. One being that you both reaped the benefit of his success, you wanted for essentially nothing, had a nice house, the opportunity to travel, and Luke often spoiled you with gifts even if you asked him not to. Another being how happy it made your boyfriend. Music truly was his passion, and he was so talented that you wouldn’t want for him to ever put his work on the back burner for you. 

With that being said, you made a point to take time off to spend time with him whenever you were able to. You had even changed jobs because your last one hadn’t allowed you to go on tour with him, which he had been adamant about, insisting, “There’s no way I can be away from you for that long.” 

And you were happy to do all of those things, because you were in love, and  you felt incredibly lucky to even be a part of his world. But you did start to question things as your relationship went on. It felt like Luke didn’t even consider your job. He only saw it as something that took you away from him. 

You had worked hard to get where you were in the occupational field. Without your job all you would have to do is sit around and wait for Luke to be ready for you, and you just couldn’t live like that. 

Luke turned on the lamp on your nightstand as you slowly sat up in bed. 

“2 weeks Luke, we’ve had these plans for two weeks.” 

“I know baby I tried, but you know how it is when inspiration strikes.” he dismissed while sitting the flowers on the ground. 

“No, I don’t. Do you not think that I have things I could be doing for work? Cause I do, and I choose this over all of that.” you huffed in frustration. 

Luke took a deep breath while subtly rolling his eyes. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry for missing dinner, but you don’t understand the pressure I’m under, from the fans, the label, management, and the band.” 

“I know that you work hard and I know how important this is to you, and I’m so proud of you, but I’m proud of us too and I would’ve liked to have a night for just us.” you tried to explain. “Not to mention the fact that I’m under pressure in my job too and I always find time for you, no matter what.” 

“Yea, you have pressure from a job that you don’t need.” his voice rising in anger with each word as he paced around the room. 

“How many times do I have to tell you Luke? It’s my job, it’s a part of my life and I don’t plan on giving it up anytime soon.” you shouted. 

“Great.” he replied sarcastically. “Then you should understand that I won’t give up my job anytime soon.” 

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking for a bit of consideration, and just a sliver of your time.” 

“I’m working to make us more money.” he stated.

“Luke, we don’t need any more money. You should be working because you enjoy it and because it’s your passion.”

He let out a condescending laugh before turning to look in your eyes. 

“Yea, well you don’t seem to mind all the money when you're sitting at home in the house that I bought, and leeching off of my bank account on the daily. D’ya think you could afford all the shit you have just based on your salary?” he spat crudely. 

You physically leaned back as if the words had just actually been thrown at you. They must’ve, because the pain they caused felt far too real to just be emotional. You opened your mouth to fight back, to scream, to do something but the lump in your throat prevented anything to come out other than a sad, and pathetic squeak. 

Was that what he thought about you? 

This had caught you completely off guard. Sure, you were expecting an argument, you’d even say you were expecting a big one, but you would’ve never guessed he would throw this in your face. 

You felt betrayed. It had always made you insecure that you were making such little money compared to your boyfriend. 

Some days after receiving your paycheck you would go out and spend it all on Luke, solely because you wanted to know that you could contribute too. You would do that whenever you got the chance, to reassure that your work was important, and valid. And mainly to show Luke that you appreciated all he did for you. 

He would always reply, “You don’t have to do this, love. I like spoiling my girl.” 

Yeah right. 

“I wasn’t, I m-mean I don’t try to lee-,” you paused, the word feeling too gross to repeat back. 

“Well, you do whether you're trying or not so the least you can do is give me a break occasionally.” he spoke casually, while changing into sweats as if he wasn’t ripping you apart with every word. 

You kept a blank stare at the bedroom door, your eyes already stinging with unshed tears. You wished you could be angrier but his words left you questioning and feeling guilty. 

As hard as you’d tried to provide for yourself and make your own way you couldn’t help but wonder if you had subconsciously started leaning on him, more than you had ever wanted. 

Luke continued getting ready for bed, not taking a second look at you since hitting you with his harsh words. 

“I-I’m sorry.” you croaked. 

“It’s fine, Y/n I just wish you could’ve been slightly more understanding.” he continued, still not facing you. 

“I think that maybe, I mean, um I gotta go.” you were speaking through tears, as you abruptly stood from the bed and hurried to leave the room. 

This caught Luke’s attention causing him to spin in your direction at lightning speed, finally taking in your emotional state.

“Going? Going where? I-what are you talking about?” 

You didn’t reply, grabbing your keys, bag, and shoes as you continued to speed to the front door. 

“Y/n!” he continued, following closely behind you. 

You paused at the front door and turned to meet his eyes. His stressed appearance subsided as you allowed him the opportunity to talk. 

“You’re upset.” he concluded, reaching a hand out to hold your cheek.

You leaned away from his touch and shook your head lightly, “M’not.” 

His features softened and he took another step closer to you, “You are. I’m sorry, I was harsh.” 

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” 

“Didn’t know?” 

“I don’t want t-to leech” you stuttered out. 

This rendered Luke speechless, realizing how cruel his words had been. You had taken this as an opportunity to exit the house, quickly running to your car. Luke made it to the driveway just in time to see you drive away. 

“Fuck” he snapped, jogging back towards the house to get his phone and call you in hopes of convincing you to come back. 

After calling you at least 20 times with no response he conceded and decided he should try and get some sleep, that way he was rested enough to get you to forgive him in the morning. 

His body fell naturally to his side of the bed, but his eyes lingered on where you typically laid. 

Rolling onto his back, eyes finding the ceiling he muttered to himself, “I’m an idiot.” 

Eventually he was tiring out, the bedroom ceiling growing extremely boring after staring for so long. He turned on his side to hug your pillow to his chest. As his hand slid under the pillow it came into contact with an envelope that had been hidden underneath. 

He sat up and flicked on a lamp to read the front, “To my Lu” 

He could tell that you had taken your time penciling on your words, each letter was flawless and written delicately. Before ripping it open he hesitated, questioning whether or not he even deserved to see what was inside after the way he spoke to you. The selfish part of his brain won for the second time that night. 

The first thing he saw after opening was two airline tickets situated just in front of a folded piece of notebook paper. 

He held his breath as he brought them into the light, two roundtrip business tickets to Sydney. 

He rushed to read the note you had left with them, unfolding it quickly. 

“Lu, 

Happy two years, my love. I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine for this long. Not a day goes by where I’m not in complete and utter awe of you and everything you do for me. I know how hard you work and how much you miss home and your family while you continue to grow in your music, and in yourself everyday. I know these aren’t the best tickets you’ve ever had by any means or the most extravagant vacation you’ve taken, but I wanted to show you how much I love you and how much I know you deserve, and need a break. We have 2 weeks, we leave tomorrow. I’ve worked it all out with the guys and your label. I know this is just a small way to repay you for the way you’ve taken care of me and the way you’ve loved me so selflessly for so long but I hope it shows you just a sliver of how much I love you. 

Yours always, 

               Y/n” 

He traced the letters of your name repeatedly as he blinked back a few stinging tears, before falling asleep, the note clutched tightly to his chest. 

That was a week, and about 100 missed calls ago.

About two days after you left, your friend had called to let him know that you were safe and staying with her for the time being. It had slightly lessened his worry, but the guilt he felt grew exponentially each day he had no reason to say your name.

He had claimed your side of the bed as his own in hopes that it would bring you closer to him. When he had finally dragged himself out of bed to shower he used your body wash and as embarrassing as it sounds nearly cried when the room was flooded with the familiar rose scented steam. And tonight while scouring through the liquor cabinet and feeling completely sorry for himself he had come across a bottle of tequila that you had purchased on your most recent vacation. 

Luke had put a serious dent in it by the time he was done scrolling through all of his pictures of you, and his finger began to itch with the need to call you. 

Through blurry and clouded eyes he located your contact, a breath hitching in his throat when he clicked the call button. 

With each unanswered ring he pinched his wrist, willing himself to wake up and discover this was all just some horrible nightmare, that he would just roll over and see you curled up next to him, warm, and sweet, and perfect. So fucking perfect. 

“You’ve reached y/n. Sorry I can’t get to the phone, leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks” 

But it’s not his nightmare that got him here, it’s his mistake. 

“Y/n,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he hasn’t used it much in the past couple of days. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I miss you and I’m sorry. I-” his heart was pounding and his intoxication numbed him from the feeling of  the hot tears that streamed down his face as he continued. “M’selfish baby. I’m so selfish and I was talking out of my ass that night, of course you’re not leeching. That’s fucking ridiculous, you couldn’t be, I give you nothing compared to what you give me. I just don’t know how to admit I’m wrong and the money is bullshit, it doesn’t matter, we could both live without it.”  his chest felt tight as he took a large gulp of air. “I-I can’t live without you, really I don’t think I can. I need you and I love you. I love you so much. Just please come home to me, please baby. I need you with me, and I want to fucking give you the world and I know you don’t need me to give it to you. I want to. I just-I want to give you everything, anything. You can have it all. It’s yours. I’m yours, alwa-”  his pleads were cut off by the dial tone. 

“Always.” he repeated, staring at the black screen. 

pt. 2

[dreamsclock]

for requests (so sorry if this is late, ignore it if it is): tommy and enderwalk!ranboo, some hurt/comfort after a nightmare maybe? idk I’ve always hc enderwalk as rlly affectionate because I Need These Vibes. sentence 6 but less angsty?

this is a sprawling mess fhdejhsf my apologies gl with everything!

I RLLY ENJOYED WRITING THIS ONE !!! i’m not very good at writing c!ranboo, but practise makes perfect - and i had a load of fun, as usual, writing c!tommy, who is probably my favourite character to write !! and hurt/comfort with mostly comfort isn’t something i usually write either so this was super fun :]

i incorporated sign language into this though i don’t speak sign, so i hope all portrayals of it were accurate !! i did research into it a little but of course my limited research isn’t going to be completely accurate - i hope nothing was offensive, and please reach out and let me know if it was !! i plan on learning sign soon but as for now my knowledge is limited jkadssjd

prompt: “forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.” (REQUESTS CLOSED)

warnings - hurt/comfort (mostly comfort), trauma, nightmares, indications of c!wilbur critical + c!quackity critical, implied c!dream critical (talking about c!tommy’s trauma), explosion mention, injury mention, PTSD, brief panic attack, happy ending 

This is how Ranboo finds Tommy late that night - curled up in a ball with his hands fisted in his hair roughly, breathing shallow and erratic.

He’s been staying at Snowchester for a while now, a couple of days turning into weeks with Tommy’s excuses growing lamer and more ridiculous by the minute - “I’m mourning Big Q not letting me gamble,” he’d told Tubbo that morning lazily between hungry bites of breakfast, “I’m gonna stay longer, bee boy.” Ranboo is convinced that isn’t the real reason he’s staying, especially in his Enderwalk state as he is right now, but he’s not about to pry into Tommy’s private life, not after everything (so maybe he’s still feeling unreasonably reasonably guilty about helping Dream when his mentor had been one of Tommy’s main abusers, so sue him, he’s not heartless, contrary to what his ‘awake self’ thinks). 

But as much as he refuses to pry, he also refuses to ignore clear signs of distress.

Like right now.

Tommy’s whole body tenses when Ranboo sits down across from him, but he doesn’t lift his head to look at the intruder to his makeshift room - a mattress strung on the floor of the main room and a blanket thrown to the other side of the room. Ranboo wonders if he’s crying, wonders what he should do if he is. Tubbo is physically clingy when he’s upset most of the times, but even he gets occasions where the slightest touch makes him worse. He knows Tommy is the opposite, and knows, regretfully, as much as he wants to embrace him, that it won’t help. Not right now.

He settles for a question, hands fluttering in sign as he speaks. “Nightmare?”

Tommy’s face doesn’t emerge from the depths of his palms. “What’s it fucking look like?” He mutters, but it’s not aggressive. He sounds drained. “Use your brains, memory boy.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Ranboo offers, keeping his voice casual. “Discuss or distract?”

That’s the system the three of them have very loosely established. Discuss or distract: because there are times when talking about issues is too much, and tonight looks to be one of those times. The little of Tommy’s face he can see is ashen and drawn, and when he twitches at the sound of Ranboo’s voice, Ranboo very gently touches Tommy’s shoulder and, when he shifts enough so he’s staring at the floor, Ranboo moves his hands where Tommy can see. 

Discuss or distract? He asks again, through sign this time, because Tommy’s hearing has been sensitive since exile, an explosion wrecking one of them and leaving him sensitive to noise, and he knows he’s made the right decision when tension slides out of Tommy’s shoulders. 

“Distract,” he says, lowly, and he moves his hands enough to slowly sign it back, enough to make Ranboo feel encouraged, “Michael.”

Ranboo has to smile. One relationship he’d never thought he’d see flourish had been the bond between Tommy and Michael - for someone who complained about children all the time, Tommy had befriended Michael quicker than he or Tubbo had thought. So he’s more than happy to fill him in on Michael. He talks about his son’s developments, his and Tubbo’s race to get him to say Dad or Papa, the pranks Michael is beginning to pull, his and Tubbo’s uncertainty about letting him outside - with everything going on, Ranboo explains, it doesn’t feel safe to yet. But he’s getting too old to keep in the house - it’s not the best, but it’s the only solution we have right now.

Tommy’s face, removed from his hands as Ranboo had continued, is blotchy and pale, but growing in liveliness as Ranboo signs his way through each sentence. He hates being stuck in there, Tommy signs back to him, and Ranboo notes the tremor in his hands is beginning to disappear from when he’d signed first that night, should take him on walks every week or two weeks. Or-

His eyes light up.

Build an underground area for him, he signs, movements sloppy and excited, like a playroom. Build a garden underground, let him see trees and water and shit. Like a training room but for the outside world.

Ranboo blinks, and then grins. Are you offering to build it for us? He teases. Tommy, that’s so thoughtful of you.

Forget it, Tommy signs back with his signature scowl, you’re a fucking asshole.

But he’s rolling his eyes, and though they’re red-rimmed, they’re not the dull grey colour they had been before, and Ranboo counts that as a win.

They spend most of the remainder of the night signing about plans for the underground area, and Ranboo has to admit, it’s a good idea. He even writes it down so he doesn’t forget when he switches back to his ‘awake state’ - he doesn’t miss the delight that crosses Tommy’s face when he tells him he doesn’t want to forget his idea.

You don’t have to pretend it’s good, Tommy tells him with an eye roll, most of what I does fails, I know that.

Ranboo pretends not to be caught off guard by the self deprecation, and tries to roll with it as best he can. That’s not true, he signs casually, your hotel looks good. It hasn’t failed.

Tommy scoffs. “’S Jack’s hotel,” he mutters, “not mine any more.”

“Things you build don’t fail because of you,” Ranboo switches back to using his voice for a moment, sincere, firm, “they fail because other people tear them down. That’s what happened with L’Manburg, right?”

“L’Manburg was Wilbur’s, Ranboo,” Tommy sighs, and he looks so old for a minute, so worn - Ranboo forgets sometimes that Tommy is seventeen, forgets that he’s been through so much in so little time, “it was never mine.”

This isn’t true. Everyone knows this isn’t true, surely, because L’Manburg had been everyone’s, but there’s nobody Ranboo associates the old L’Manburg with more than Tommy. And he shows him so - making sure he has his attention, Ranboo signs his name, not using letters, but using the motions for flower, and does the same to sign L’Manburg: a sign him and Tubbo had unconsciously developed months ago. A flower for Tommy, a flower for the old L’Manburg. Manberg is an explosion, New L’Manberg is promises (the same sign, coincidentally, he used to use for Tubbo until he chose a better one) and the war-days of L’Manburg, when they’re spoken about in sign, are represented with a simple broken promise. Tommy is flowers, early days L’Manburg is flowers, and for the first time, Ranboo sees Tommy make the connection, watches his face transform into something surprised and confused and painfully, quietly hopeful.

Allium, Ranboo signs carefully, I gave you it for a reason.

Tommy looks like he’s going to cry. He resorts to opening his mouth, closing it again, before shuffling over to let Ranboo sit closer to him. Ranboo, with silent permission from Tommy, wraps an arm around him, and pulls the blanket over them to keep them warm. Snowchester is painfully cold even in the mildest of summer nights. Tommy’s lips had been going a pale blue colour. Tommy grumbles and complains about Ranboo being too tall, about Ranboo’s limbs being everywhere, about Ranboo - but doesn’t budge from his position, staying exactly where he is. If he signs thank you to Ranboo, and uses the sign for flower for his name too, then Ranboo only feels warmth blossom in his heart, and stays silent about it.

This is how Tubbo finds Tommy the next morning - curled up at Ranboo’s side, a blanket draped over both of them, Tommy’s head leaning on Ranboo’s shoulder, breathing deep and even and a look of peace painting his face youthful.

Tubbo smiles, and backs out of the room. He’ll leave them a little longer to sleep.

.

taglist for writing (if you wanna be added or removed send an ask!): @pastelicious-nova  @kynamite  @chasingstarsandthemoonwith11  @cyanbutnotquite  @purpleglitch  @saltsasssnark  @elenath-s-misc  @carpedzem  @ruby-whistler  @prodigal-sunlight  @runninshoos  @dt-anon  @ronywillcox  @calculatingpillow  @kazo0-boy  @barely-corporeal  @ethereal-deadly-clover  @demi-and-awkward  @0325-4419  @fandom-theorist  @darkikyu  @faeholic  @sn1per-tank  @kath-is-being-weird  @dreamscat  @lady-star-strings  @namewastaken  @duckachu  @far2late @alpineripcord  @keorami  @astrariums  @gia3700  @dreamsmpsideblogging 

[mxvladdy]

Ey, could you make food source reactions for Mammon & Levi like you did with the others?

I've read it like 3 times now, they're all so sweet and believable you did a great job!

You got it Fam! Glad you like them so much lol. (I got a lot more angsty with Mammon than I thought I would but I love him sooooo)

Mammon

This poor man. He gets to spend so little time alone with you. He has to make every second count. Between the hustling, modeling, and running from Lucifer, he’s a pretty busy guy. 

So he plans date nights. Just you, him, and his leather couch. Ya ain’t goin’ nowhere, ya hear? He looks forward to this every month. He pins it on his calendar too just so he doesn’t double book himself. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. Just cause he plans this doesn’t mean he necessarily has a plan. Not that you care. Most of his activities turn into trouble anyway, even when he is not trying.  

 Sometimes he teaches you how to play cards (also shows you human ways to cheat-just in case you need it). The hours are spent pleasantly sitting in his lap while he teaches you how to count cards.

But, most nights, he just wants to talk. He enjoys his time with you. You and him cuddling and chatting away the hours before passing out for the night. 

He has a lot of things he wants to know about you. To him, he feels like if he knows you better than the other brothers he’s won. 

Won what? Idk, your affection? Approval? He already has it, but he is insecure about his place in your heart regardless. 

This evening starts out like any other. Mammon dashing to the kitchens to pilfer some snacks and drinks before Beel can steal them all, and you bring your cute self over to his room. 

You two toss back a few drinks and spend some time looking over his latest photo shoots before going on to the main event. Tonight you brought one of your favorite human card games. It was like 20 questions, but some questions were more risque than others. Was it meant for more than two players? Yes, but whatever- Mammon wants to play it so you are.

You both are relaxed and drowsy by the time you start playing. Your stomachs are full of junk, and the morning moons are just on the horizon. It’s the perfect mixture for loose lips and secrets, before falling asleep in each other's arms. 

You pick easy cards first, jumping from silly innocent questions to one that made him blush from ear to ear. The hours pass quickly and Mammon’s answers become more slurred and accented as he tires out. 

He was on the verge of sleep when you ask,  “What’s your favorite dish?” 

It was a slip of the tongue, a long-lost memory pulled up from the dregs of his exhausted mind. He remembers a savory dish Barbatos use to make way back when. He can still smell the savory smoky spices mixing with the fresh vegetables and meat- Oh shit.

He feels you stiffen and he ain’t sleepy anymore, that’s for sure. Immediately up and apologizes. He stumbles over himself in his haste to explain himself. 

You spend the rest of the evening with him in your arms trying to comfort him as he tearfully swears he hasn’t eaten a person in a couple of hundred years. 

Mini Fic

He regrets it the moment the words slip out. His sleepy remark hangs out in the chilly air of his room. He feels you jerk in his arms as if punched. “Shit! I-I didn’t mean.” Mouth agape, he backtracks, tongue working faster than his overtaxed brain. He looks down at your head on his chest. 

Your eyes are wide. Their surprise reflected in the bright blue moonlight. His heart sinks to his stomach. Gods, he ruined it. “I’m sorry- I.”  Pushing you off of his chest he goes to grab his shirt and redress, ignoring the prickling heat growing at the corner of his eyes. He could sleep somewhere else tonight. You could have the room if you wanted, or at least give you a minute to flee in terror from the demon that masqueraded as your friend. He can’t look at you. Hells, he was too ashamed to even glance in your direction. What kind of idiot let’s slip that? They even had a council meeting about this very thing before you arrived. 

So lost in his panic he doesn’t notice you trying to get his attention. It wasn’t until you forcefully grab his arm did he hear you. “It’s ok Mammon.” You engulf him in your warm and comforting scent. Strong arms dragging him back to the crumpled sheets of his bed. Your soft fingers wipe at the silent tears streaking down his cheeks. 

He dislodges himself from your light grasp to rub at his own eyes. “How can ya’ say that?” Where was your sense of self-preservation? Ain’t humans supposed to be aware of such dangers? The irony wasn’t lost on him though. Being your ‘protector’ and all.

You shuffle closer, hellbent on comforting. His pack mark hums gently on his chest when you touch it. As much as his body wanted to run, your pact mark cemented him to his seat. He sits while you fuss over him slowly breathing through his mouth to calm his racing heart. He can’t help but drift closer to you when he feels your hand on the top of his head. When had he become so weak for you? 

“Well-How can I not?” You shrug. He closes his eyes when you start ruffling his fringe. “You’ve been nothing but sweet to me. Yes, you have,” You cut him off firmly before he can object. “Always my number one anyway.” That pulls a wet chuckle from your demon. His eyes clear up at your admission. “I trust you Mammon, honestly. I mean, I kinda knew that you’ve probably eaten a human or two in your life. Knowing, and knowing are more different than I thought.” 

 Mammon cages you in his arms, his nose brushing along your neck and jawline. “Damn-.” He huffs covering you in his warm body, arms tight around your sides. “I’m sorry. I ruined tonight.” Mammon sighs into your skin. 

You hug him back. “Nonsense, if you want to get technical I think you won this game. I can’t top that answer.” You push away with a wide yawn. “Now can we go back to bed?” With a nod, he flops over pulling you down with him. You bully your way into his arms again. Sighing constantly you snuggle in for the night, ready to drift off. His eyelids began to feel heavy again too. Your soft weight on him like a security blanket. He listens to your slowly beating heart, matching his breathing to yours. The rhythmic thumps working to calm him better than his noise machine. He basks in your presence, rubbing his broad hand down your back for a moment before you speak again.

“Hey, Mammon.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think I would taste good?” 

Leviathan 

Awkward boy. Of course, he has had his fair share of humans. Not particularly his favorite through. A lot of the time it wasn’t on purpose. His demon form is big and sometimes more than just fish and other demons get swallowed up. Course when that happened, they weren’t exactly fresh either. Bleh-just thinking about it makes his stomach turn. 

No, he never got a taste for it, even when it was served in the royal palace. The memories of the sea are still pretty vivid. It never really crosses his mind anymore. Till you bring it up.

He invites you over for a game night. A new VR game he had been saving up for just dropped and he had to play it with you.

It was a horror stealth game. Heavy on critical thinking and solving puzzles in real-time.

Your two characters were on a race against time against a flesh eating cult that had invaded a small village. He thought it was a fun concept and you both liked horror games. He didn’t notice how quiet you had gotten until you had set your controller down. 

You ask during a loading screen after a pretty graphic cut scene of a npc getting caught. How realistic was that cut scene? Had he ever eaten a human before?

Boy is a brighter pink than Ruri-chan’s signature outfit (and twice as cute lbr) 

He gets so flustered that he misses the start of the next round and gets you both eaten. 

He doesn’t take conflict well. Like at all. He much rather slink off into his fish tank and hide than answer you. In fact, that sounds like an excellent idea.  

He slithers back out of his tank hours later thinking you had left or found a better brother to hang out with. Yucky people eaters like him aren’t good company for humans. 

You jump him the minute his feet are back on solid ground. Have an answer now you must! Yrssss. 

Mini Fic

“L-Let go!” Levi shrieks, caught in your sneak attack. He locks up when you jump him, all four of your limbs wrapping around his soaking body like an octopus. 

“No!” You squeeze him harder taking full advantage of the fact that he won’t remove you himself. You feel the heat of his blush through his soaked clothes as you cling closer. If he could blush any harder you were pretty sure steam would be wafting off of him. 

“Why do you want to know anyway?” He wiggles gently, trying to loosen your tight grip. 

“Morbid curiosity.” Well, at least you were honest. He was still going to say no, you didn’t need to know that about him. He opens his mouth to shut you down but makes the mistake of looking at you. The words die when he catches the pout growing on your face. Oh no- his one weakness. Your way your lower lip pops out adorably, accompanied by slightly puffed-out cheeks. It was a one-two punch to his defenses. 

“I-they weren’t on purpose.” He pleads. Nevermore in his life did he wish he could turn into a mist-like his brother. He feels you slip off of him. Your bare feet don’t make a sound on his carpeted floor. “It just happened sometimes.” He admits. You accept it for a few seconds before his words fully hit you.

“Wait? How do you accidentally eat someone?” You ask incredulously. “All though- that’s something Beel might do.” You ponder the logistics and step back to give him some space.

He rights himself, wicking the moisture from his coat and pants with magic until he is completely dry again. You start asking a dozen more questions in rapid fire. It was enough to make his head spin. You were too curious for your own good. “Ever heard of basking whales?”  

You blink. 

Levi sighs and waves a hand to himself.  “When I lived in the ocean… I’m big ya know. I kinda would just open my mouth and swallow. Whatever I caught I ate.” He waits for you to get the jest. Most of the time it was smaller fish and aquatic mammals. When a demon encroached on his territory he would eat them too. The dead were meant for his army, but sometimes they got sucked into.

Instead of nodding in understatement, you cover your mouth with the palm of your hand and snort. His eyes grow big and his blush turns brighter. You were spending way too much time with Asmo. “No-Not like that!” His flailing only makes you laugh harder. Great, as if he didn’t want to die of embarrassment already.

“Well word it better, nerd.” You laugh retreating back to the mound of pillows you claimed for gaming, VR headset in hand. “Come on, we have to start over now- thanks to someone.”

“You started it!” Levi shoots back grabbing up his gear as well. He fiddles with it for a moment before glancing back at you. You were oblivious to inner turmoil over this admission. A naval admiral was one thing. Humans had them too, that wasn’t too much for you to comprehend. Being a devil was easy enough to understand too, at least in his mind. But eating people? Shouldn’t you be more concerned? “So-that’s it?”

You look up questioningly. “What’s it?” 

He raises a purple brow. “You have nothing else to say? I just admitted to eating people!” 

“Not really.” You shrug. “I can’t get too pressed about it. It’s not like you are human. I’m like what-at the bottom of the food chain to you, right?” Levi nods. “See! So no point stressing over it. ‘Sides, you haven’t munched on me yet.” You turn your attention back to the screen, flicking your controller to wake his flat-screen back up. “Unless~” He gulps at the sly eyebrow wiggle you throw at him, the shit eating grin that accompanied it only made him worry.  “Perhaps you just have an appetite for seamen.” 

Your peals of laughter mix with his shrill yelps of objection, as he tackles you. His previous worries were completely forgotten by your teasing. 

[smallblip]

Yooo, so idk if you’re taking prompts by i have one, it’s angsty

Normally I don’t like angst (unless it has a guarantee happy ending or there’s comfort, w/ a happy ending) but this one can be either pure angst or happy end or one of them has a crush on the other and is using this song as a metaphor or something to cope with their feelings idk 😅

So, truth untold by bts popped up in my head and the song is abt a forbidden love and it’s based off this story called ‘La Città di smeraldò’ which is abt this “ugly” man who hid in an old castle and would rarely come out, then one night he a saw a thief stealing flowers in his garden. He went into town one day to try to catch the thief (i think) only to find that the thief was a poor girl selling his flowers for money. He then grew more flowers for her to sell and one day grew the smeraldo flower, which is the rarest and most expensive flower. I think he was planning on revealing himself to her then only to find she never came back and then discovered she died......

Here are some lyrics that stood out to me that can spark a story or au:

And I know

All if your warmth is real

The blue flower your hand was picking

I want to it but

It’s my fate

Don’t smile to me

Light on me

Because I can’t get closer to you

There’s no name you can call me

You know that I can’t

Show you me

Give you me

I can’t show you a ruined part of myself

Once again I put a mask on and go to see you

But I still want you

Hopefully you find this ask and if it sparks something, great, thanks and good day.

Hello @potato-an0n 💖 this is such a lovely prompt? Thank you for the song rec, I haven’t heard this one and it’s just beautiful💖 I wrote a drabble based on the first thing that came to my mind it’s not as literal as I wanted it to be but! I hope I did your prompt justice:

This garden is filled

Levi is familiar with ghosts. He’s lived amongst them. Some would call them bureaucrats. He’s also familiar with spirits. People he had come to love, people who occupy space in his life, people who are now but ash and dust. The soul doesn’t go anywhere. It can’t. So it becomes a ghost.

The soul weighs twenty one grams. Or at least, that’s what Hanji had told him. So he assumes that’s what a ghost would weigh too.

Levi’s familiar with ghosts. So he’s sure the figure he sees in his garden- of a person he had come to love, who occupies so much space in his life he might as well be dead- isn’t one.

Levi sees her every night in his garden. She’s glowing almost. Ethereal and beautiful and young. She doesn’t look a day over thirty. And Levi- well- Levi has lived a full life- one filled with pain, with loss, with enough love to fill a garden.

So he watches her every night from his window. Like she’s in a painting and if he does so much as catch her attention she would fade from the canvass. Sometimes she plucks at the dandelions, sometimes she sits on the grass and looks at the skies. She’s always smiling.

But tonight is different. There’s a knock on his door and he wheels himself over to answer it. There’s a moment of hesitation. Something that claws at the pits of his stomach like a warning. Lucky Levi, cursed Levi, it’s better to leave it alone. Nothing good comes from longing.

But tonight is different.

He opens the door and there she is- smiling, always smiling. And as always, she takes his breath away.

“Why are you here... Hanji...” he breathes.

She laughs, it’s clear as day, “I can’t come unless you invite me, Levi...”

“Like a vampire?” He says. Silly, meaningless conversation to fill the air. He has so much to tell her.

“Yeah...” she chuckles, she remembers telling him that. But the memory is distant, out of grasp. It belongs to another life entirely. “You’ve been thinking of me haven’t you?”

I haven’t stopped thinking of you, Levi wants to say. But from the way she’s smiling, smug and impish, he figures she already knows.

“You planted those flowers for her? Your Hanji?” She sits across him at the table. And it aches in a way Levi can only describe as heart wrenching. Because if there’s a picture he had to burn of a life he wanted after the war- this was it.

He nods, “they’re weeds...” he adds. Words to fill the space. She already knows, he thinks, after all, it’s Hanji.

“They grow on you...”

As she did.

“What are you?” He asks. He felt her in his embrace and he’s sure she’s more than just twenty one grams and a time of death.

“I come here in my dreams. I’m asleep in my world.” She replies. She drinks her tea with as much gusto as he remembers. And he remembers saying something about wasting his good tea on her.

“What happens in your world?” He asks.

“We got married...” she shows him the band on her finger, “we have two dogs, a cat, three hens... Oh and two kids...”

There’s something clawing at his throat, the same wretched feeling prickles at the corner of his good eye. “Sounds like a crowd...”

Hanji chuckles, “oh it is!”

“What are they like?”

“The dogs?” Hanji quips, heart swelling when she scoffs, just as her Levi would. She thinks about their kids- the brats- Levi calls them. “They’re the best... You spoil them...” Her daughter has his eyes, she keeps her mother in check. Her son has raven hair, and he wants to be just like his father. And-

“They have my nose...”

Levi breaks a smile. “Yeah?” he says, breathless, and he sees it in his mind, clear as day, a picture he’s never gotten round to destroying.

“What happened in your world?” She asks.

“I lost you...”

“Looks like I fixed you up pretty good...” She whispers, leaning across the table to run fingers along the scars on his face. He closes his eyes. She’s warm. He nods. She tells him he’s the most handsome old man she’s ever seen.

“You made it to the forest like you promised...” Hanji says. Every river meets the sea, in every universe, every lifetime, they find the forest.

“You’ve always liked the forest...” he says.

“The light is different in the forest...”

“It’s magic...” they say together and Hanji laughs, eyes holding all the affection in the world. In every universe, the river meets the sea.

But she can’t stay to watch sunlight warm the earth. She has another life to lead. One in which they survive the war. One in which their scars serve as memorial to their lives as soldiers. One in which they pretend to sleep through their kids making a ruckus in the other room. One in which her Levi kisses her cheek when he gets up earlier to feed their animals.

“Will you come again, Hanji...”

“Only if you think of me... Like a vampire remember?” She winks.

Only every living moment.

After all, this is a picture he’s never learned to burn.

With all his heart,

All twenty one grams of his soul.

Levi falls asleep when the light touches the earth.