#idk maybe they’re also autistic and thought it was supposed to be helpful? and again i dont think they’re a bad person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meichenxi · 4 years

Text

*rant commencing*

ok guys let’s sit down and have a think about the way we talk to kids, particularly neurodivergent ones, and the weight it carries

the other day, I opened up to a friend about something really hurtful my best (and only) friend said to me when I was fifteen. It was a moment of emotional intimacy and the first time I had brought it up seven years later and, once again, I got laughed at and told I was too fucking sensitive

and ok maybe yeah I was a ridiculous child. I’m a ridiculous adult, that shouldn’t be surprising. But this hurt and hurt and hurt and I was trying to think about why this in particular and not anything else was so painful

so here’s the situation. at fifteen, like many smart kids, everyone thought the world was open to me. Ok I had no social skills to speak of and was ostracised by teachers and students and family, but I was an optimistic kid, and in a disaster of a home situation (involving kidnappings and court cases and running away and being out of school for a year and a brother starting drugs at 12 and living in a shelter and basically just a LOT) I was always the smiley helpful one. and apart from being defeated by very simple mechanisms like idk drawers or biscuit packets, I picked things up quickly. I took GCSEs early and extra and tutored others; I was a regional competitive swimmer in breaststroke and open water; I taught myself the flute and got into an international touring youth orchestra without lessons; I won a poetry competition for adults in primary school; I played competitive netball and was a long distance runner; I drew and sold my art; I wrote shitty novels and started making conlangs and was interviewed on bbc world about it; I loved performing and was invited to join a theatre company when I left school; and my biggest passion in the entire world apart from Tolkien was martial arts. And the best thing was for my parents - one of whom was disabled and didn’t work and the other who was a cleaner - is that I worked two paper rounds and tutored younger children and earned all of the money for it myself. blah blah blah. I was your mum’s friend’s kid.

well, I’m a disaster adult, so you can probably guess that none of that lasted for very long. and there are gazillions of people here with exactly the same story.

the point in question, though, was when I was fifteen and thinking about sixth form (the last two years of school in the UK) it was becoming clear alarmingly fast that you weren’t allowed to just keep doing everything you loved. at some point you had to make a choice.

but how could I give up swimming for music? Or music for languages? Or languages for athletics? Or athletics for theatre? or, actually, all of them but one???? how did people just know what they had to do with their lives? how did they choose?

the problem was, I said to my friend, I know I could do well at any of them, so how was I supposed to choose? (tactless and a stupid thing to say and also just not true but I was fifteen and simultaneously disgustingly cocky and cripplingly insecure) And he laughed and said, well, fuck you then.

oh noooo. poor meeeeeee. I’m so fucking good at things what do I dooooo

I haven’t stopped thinking about that comment for seven years. Every single time I think about wasting my potential, every time I can’t sleep because I’m terrified that I’m not being productive or useful and hating myself because I’m upset that I can’t do something right away and I know it’s a stupid thing to be upset about - I think about that comment. I’m lucky. It’s alright for some.

because, actually, being expected to know what to do with your life aged 15 is a fucking terrifying thing. we were kids at fifteen being told to make decisions as if we had all the facts, as if we weren’t also being blindfolded and spun around in circles until we couldn’t stand. Do you do what your parents say? what you think you want to do? what your teachers say? do you just stay in education even though it’s not for you because your dream is stupid, or because you don’t have a dream like everyone else seems to? are you supposed to have a dream?

*it’s NOT a stupid thing to worry about*

particularly when? well, when your entire self worth equates to the things that you output, the things that you do. so just for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of all of these wonderful, dazzling, damaged, crazy kids with big dreams and big hearts, kids that are struggling right now and kids that are our future, and imagine that you’ve been told since you were old enough to read or speak or walk that you’re just so very clever

isn’t it just wonderful how clever you are? isn’t it just great how we never need to worry about you? you’re such an easy child, it’s a blessing. always so considerate, so thoughtful, never making a fuss! isn’t it just fantastic how well you do in school? I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child who went to all of those nasty parties. you’re so dedicated

raise your hand if you were only ever told you were good. raise your hand if you were never told you were kind.

so, what happens? you take a child, and you tell them for its entire childhood that they’re clever. You don’t tell them that they’re creative, or hard-working, or dedicated, or driven, or helpful. You let them know that it’s ok that they’re weird, because they’re going to be successful. what do you think parents say to their kid who’s crying because she has no friends and she doesn’t understand what the other children are thinking and why they would hurt each other like that? even good parents, the very best of them, say things like: you’re just more mature than they are. it doesn’t matter. keep your head down - you’ll show them.

your child, in the best case scenario, has access to her hyperfixation that makes the world big and bright and beautiful. she’s a bit weird, but it’s kind of cute. anyway, she’s good at it. and as long as she succeeds, conventionally, and you get to brag, then it’s ok that she’s a little bit unconventional.

and then things to break, just a little. and then, aged eleven, your child is having an asthma attack in the classroom because she got so anxious she couldn’t answer a maths question she couldn’t breathe. it’s ok, her parents tell her the next day. you’re just not good at maths - that’s alright. you don’t have to be good at everything

your child, because she’s perceptive, begins to realise that things don’t get better as you get older. people are just as cruel at 12 as they are at 7, and they’ll be just as cruel at 15. and then one day, as a bad joke because she doesn’t really understand humour, she writes a fake text to her dad from someone’s phone in legalese that actually has a secret code hidden it in that she knows her dad will crack right away because he’s brilliant. she thinks it’s hilarious. her father thinks he is being threatened, and spends the next week in meltdown, bedridden and burnt-out. and when she owns up, he turns and snaps at her, and says as if you could write something like that. an ADULT wrote this, not a fucking child

and suddenly, that cleverness they kept talking about? they don’t even understand that.

suddenly, no one sees her at all.

she needs to learn to be like the other kids. to be like a fucking child. and while she’s learning, she doesn’t speak for a year

that happened to me, but take your pick - I’m sure you don’t have to look far to find examples of your own.

My point is this: if you tell a child for their entire life that the only thing that is worthy of being loved is what they achieve, if every time they do something they love you tell them oh, you could be a famous writer! you’re so talented! rather than saying that you loved listening to their story, if you only praise them when they’re good and quiet and convenient and tell them that as long as they succeed, it doesn’t matter if they don’t have friends or if they’re miserable, and THEN you tell them to choose ONE THING and drop 90% of everything that makes them who they are -

what the hell did you THINK was going to happen??

because here’s the first thing. for many kids, whether that’s because of neurodivergence or age maturity or whatever, hyper fixations and hobbies aren’t just things they like to do. THEY ARE LIFELINES. they’re the things these kids go to when they’re hurt, angry, upset, because they make sense. for many kids, especially but not always girls, they are able to camouflage themselves and mask tendencies of neurodivergence because they’re ‘good students’. at a family gathering once, my mum, so frustrated at my inability and lack of desire to talk to any members of my extended family, snatched my German grammar book and locked it in the boot of the car. knowing that I escape and read it in the toilet was the only thing keeping me going, exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. I vomited on the grass.

and here’s the second thing. you tell us from an early age that they only way we’ll ever be acceptable to the rest of society is if we succeed. autistic kids are fine, as long as they’re international maths olympiad champions. adhd kids are fine, as long as they’re famous athletes. if you’re obsessed with musicals that’s ok, as long as that obsession leads to a well-paying job as a successful writer on Broadway.

and then you tell us that we only have one chance at that success? and this decision determines the rest of our lives? and that we had so much potential when we were kids, and we better not waste it now? that not everyone is so lucky to be able to choose between so many things??

because being asked to choose between these things isn’t being asked to choose a hobby. when the only way anyone else defines you positively is by your success in one area, that becomes your entire identity.

so no, we’re not being too sensitive when you ask us to pick and choose what career, or what hobby to take forward. you’re not asking about hobbies. you’re asking us to choose what kind of person we want to be. you’re asking us to choose the most impactful way we can give back to the world, because we can’t waste those god-given talents. you’re asking us to figure out, still a child and hopelessly lost, what our purpose on this planet is. and you’re looking at us as if the ways that we survived all of these years, the things we clung to for comfort, are things we can just cast aside without further thought

ask me now, and I’ll tell you that’s not the way things work. we have second chances and third ones and tenth ones, we can be different things to different people and we can do different things at different parts in our lives, and be successful in different areas. life isn’t a fucking flowchart. and I’m still trying to come to terms with all the things I could have been, and my freak-outs about ‘wasted potential’ are so clockwork I could plan my calendar around them, but I’m beginning to understand that life doesn’t end when you’re twenty, or when you haven’t written a best-seller by eighteen. you have time.

but at fifteen? at fifteen, that question broke me.

do you know what you can do instead? you can show a little thoughtfulness. you can be kinder, and lead by example, and praise your kids when they’re kind too. when your son runs to you and shows you what you think is a better picture than you - a stick figure artisan, if you say so yourself - could ever create, you can actually just say you really like it. you can ask him if that’s him and daddy and the dog on a cloud. describe the picture back to him, and engage with this thing he’s made from his imagination - tell him the clouds he’s drawn are so big and fluffy and white, and ask if there are giant spiders living there. you know how to shut a child up? tell them yes dear, it’s wonderful. don’t be that person. promote your kid’s creativity - ask questions, have fun, play with this thing they’ve made - and not destroy it

when your daughter comes to you and shows you a song she’s written, don’t tell her she’s so talented or that she could be a musician one day. just sing along. ask her why she wrote it, and what she was thinking of when she did. ask her if she could make it different for two people singing it at the same time.

and if your child just really, really loves maths? let them do maths. it’s ok if their interests are stereotypical - as long as they love it and it’s fun, supporting them is wonderful. the best present my father ever got me was five hours of tutoring - an introduction to linguistics!! - when I turned twelve, starting on my birthday at 8am. I had never felt so understood and so loved.

as much as these simple things can destroy someone’s life, can stop them talking for a year, you have the chance to be that one voice of kindness that is a friend where a young person needs it most.

for me, this was the Bus Lady. I never knew her first name because I forgot immediately and was too embarrassed to ask again, but we got the bus together for two years right before I applied to university - she was a trainee teacher at my school. she saw that I missed tutor group and sat in the corridor every morning writing, and that I ran laps for an hour every lunchtime instead of sitting alone. but she came and sat with me one morning and asked what I was doing; I was developing a new shorthand and told her so warily.

she didn’t raise her eyebrows or say wow, that’s...that’s amazing. instead she frowned and looked at me skeptically and said ‘But why would you do that? There are plenty of functional shorthands out there - what does your shorthand have that they don’t? Tell me about it.’

I had no idea what to say

this was the first time anyone had actually ENGAGED in any capacity with what I was doing. and just like that, just by treating me seriously and asking valid questions and pointing out inconsistencies, I was a person who happened to have an idea that was in some serious need of questioning, and not a freak

there’s no way she remembers that interaction; she’s been a teacher now for year and probably doesn’t even remember who I am. But I had been this close to not going to university, to not bothering, and she made me stop, and wait a moment

she will never know the difference that that conversation and two months of kindness on the bus from a stranger made in my life.

so let’s be kind to each other, please. let’s be forgiving. let’s challenge each other and let’s engage with kids with special interests and listen to them talk. and so to any educators or teachers or parents or even other kids, I want to say - let’s treat our words seriously and with respect, like we treat our children, because they have immense capacity to hurt, because they can be used for good.

to any other fifteen year olds in a similar position, I just want to say: none of us here on tumblr have properly sorted our lives out, but I promise you it does get so much better.

you’re not too sensitive. you’re not a freak. you’re not only acceptable because you succeed. I know if you’re masking you feel you have to and it’s for survival, and I’m sorry, because you shouldn’t have to. and you should never, never have to think that you ‘have it good’ or that you’re lucky and are not allowed to hurt. there’s always some one who has it worse, and you can’t stop beat yourself up about that. fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. if you have gone through trauma, if you have unhealthy coping mechanisms, if you are depressed or anxious or otherwise mentally ill and some of it stems from this, I am so very very sorry. but you will be ok, even if you can’t write for a couple of years, or even if things change. you’ll get there. speaking as someone who is now writing for the first time in six years, drawing for the first time in longer, it’s scary and new and weird, but you will come out the other side.

and you do work hard. and you are creative. and you are loved. and you are so very, very kind.

*rant over*

#neurodivergence #neurodivergent #adhd #autism #giftedness #gifted kids #tag for this fucking awful school system?#neurodivergent kids #parenting #education #long post #meichenxi rants #mental health #trauma #depression #anxiety #mental illness #sorry for the scary tags I don't mean the post to be scary I'm just annoyed #and it got longer than I thought it would

174 notes · View notes

normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

Note

Thoughts on mermaid Magnus au

my immediate thought is “magnus and maia brotp!” because like yeah? yeah? maia? marine biologist? magnus? mermaid? yeah? yeah? yeah! so like maia is this aspiring marine biologist who lives by the seaside and she’s always trying to figure out new ways to watch the ocean from afar, since she’s kind of scared of the ocean, you know, maybe especially because she’s a marine biologist and she knows all the weird stuff that lives in there.. anyway she eventually ends up seeing magnus because she was out there staring at the ocean wishing that she’d get to courage to at least snorkel dive or something and oops there is some guy coming out of the water and he DEFINITELY has a tail even if it transforms into legs when he’s on the ground or like smth idk and she’s like “what” and magnus is like “uh” and she’s like “uh” and they’re like “uh”

anyway cue magnus freaking out because obviously a mundane shouldn’t know about mermaids and what the hell does he DO now but maia is just like “wow. that would... solve a lot of my problems” and magnus is all confused and she explains to him that she loves the ocean and wants to be a biologist one day but she’s terrified of the sea, and magnus is like “ah. well. you have to be born a mermaid” and she chuckles like “bummer” and he’s like “...and you’re not freaking out about this”

so you know, she promises she won’t tell anyone and who would believe her anyway? and he ends up sitting down beside her and she asks questions about what living in the ocean is like and stuff and he answers and eventually the sun is going up and he goes “ah. better go back home while i won’t be seen” and she teases him that he’s not that good at not being seen

anyway! so the next night they see each other again and she asks him even more questions and he even like, brings some stuff for her to see and shows it to her? you know? and she’s super excited about it and it’s hella cute

and it goes on for like a week or so until one day magnus brings raphael with him (did you REALLY think i wouldn’t bring him into this) because before he wasn’t sure if he could trust maia but after a while has passed and she clearly hasn’t told a soul and is obviously just interested in seeing magnus’ aquatic friends and hearing his stories, he figures it’s safe to bring him too. he just wants to introduce his new friend to his boy and it’s cute

raphael is understandably a little scared because there magnus is, befriending mundanes, and they fucking know how dangerous that can be but magnus is a stubborn unstoppable asshole when he wants to so he figures it’s best if he knows about it than if he doesn’t. but him and maia get along fine. eventually he ends up pointing at the sky and he says “i’ve always been fascinated by that, you know?”

and maia is like “what?” and raphael is like “the stars. we grow up in the deep sea, so we don’t really see them. what you call the ‘sky’, to me, has always been the surface. but then when i broke out... there was more. this huge, untouchable thing, a surface over the surface. and it’s so beautiful” and maia pauses for a while and she’s like “you know, if you are willing to teach me what you know about the deep sea, i can teach you about the stars”

and magnus huffs like “and what do i get in return?” and she’s like “what do you want to learn about?” and he promptly goes, “the surface”

because magnus is a curious guy and he loves to learn and he’s always wanted to learn about the surface, but he only tried once and he was too scared that he would be found out, especially as he had no idea what mundane culture was like. and maia’s like well that’s easy to solve, i can show you around” and raphael is like no and magnus is like yes and maia is like yes and raphael is like then i’ll come too because he’s not letting magnus just wander around with mundanes

maia is like “it sounds like you are the papa bear in the relationship” and magnus is like “oh, don’t be mistaken my dear, if it were the other way around i wouldn’t let him” and raphael huffs but well, fine

so the following night they hang out some (i’m guessing maia has to bring them both clothes?) and maia shows magnus the town and magnus is in awe because wow there is so much stuff going on at nighttime. he never knew because the beach is relatively secluded, which is why he never expected to see maia there

the next night it’s raphael and maia’s turn to satisfy their curiosity so she teaches him the basics of the constellations and tells him a bit about astrology and like, a basic history of beliefs surrounding the stars and stuff like that. you know? Mundane Sky 101. in return raphael starts teaching her about the deep sea fishes and the mermaid’s knowledge of them as well. and they kinda bond because they are both fascinated by things that are out of their reach in many ways? and it’s like sweet and they smile at each other and stuff

then the next night it’s magnus’ turn, and it goes back and forth like this for a while. until one day magnus tells maia that he wants to visit during the day? see what it’s like and all. and she’s like well okay, i suppose you can... sleep at my place on friday and then we go out on saturday so i can have the day to show you around. and he’s like what is saturday. but they make a deal

raphael lowkey hates it during daytime because it’s so... bright and full of people (autistic raphael babey!) and noise and just, very different from what he’s used to, so he feels a little overwhelmed by it all. but magnus loves it. and it’s during one of their day adventures that magnus meets alec, because let’s be real, alec is just not a nighttime guy

and idk how exactly this would go but they hit it off and like you know. also at this point magnus knows quite a bit about mundane life so he can pretend swiftly and he’s always been smart and good at socializing so they’re like, on equal ground, just throwing this out there. and they get along well and soon magnus is flirting and, to raphael’s horror, alec is responding, so this is something that they all deal with now. magnus makes up something about being from the city and only coming on the weekends to explain why he isn’t around any other day and saturdays kind of become “magnus is going to see alec” time and raphael and maia are kind of just chilling on the corner of the cafe or something, talking

and there’s gonna be some coming out as a literal mermaid angst involved here but idk. maybe to be extra cliche alec goes visit maia saturday night and they get there just in time to see raphael and magnus going into the water and swimming away or something lmao. anyway alec is understandably shocked by the whole thing as his whole world has been tipped off its axis and he’s kind of freaking out but not because he’s like, afraid or something, just because it’s a lot to wrap his head around

so like idk the next morning alec waits for them at the beach with maia? or something? lmao and magnus almost has a panic attack but he tells him that he’s already seen and i guess from there alec becomes magnus’ guide to the mundane world? since he now officially knows. maia and raphael are not gonna leave the two of them together yet but now that he knows he has so many date ideas, things magnus has never seen before, you know. and magnus falls all that much harder because alec just... accepted that and wanted to show him things and it’s cute

and also maia and raphael get to spend more nights alone at the beach talking and looking at the stars and maybe raphael gets to show her things and it’s also cute. and they all fall in love and this is irrelevant but i love the mental image that magnus has a golden tail and raphael has a silvery tail, simply because the colors suit them respectively (even aesthetically, esp gold for magnus) and there is that whole... you know. gold and silver thing. idk i just love this

anyway magnus and alec start dating and so do maia and raphael and everyone is happy and cute and i guess magnus starts spending more and more time as a mundane and no idea how this would happen but fuck it lmao maybe maia and raphael study together and get into college and he gets to actually learn astronomy and she does groundbreaking research with maybe a little help as a marine biologist and idk what’s going on anymore this lore is a mess the end

#maia roberts #magnus bane #raphael santiago #alec lightwood #malec #maiaphael #shadowhunters #sh #ask #anonymous #au idea #long post #brotp: never trust a stingy warlock *gives u 100 dollars*#brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

57 notes · View notes

urproblematicfav-arsonk · 4 years

Text

There's a lot of things about Borderlands 3 that makes it kinda a garbage game. And all of those things are valid and true but a aspect of bl3 that deeply bothers me isn't something I've really seen people talk about?? Maybe they have but I missed it but I want to say my interpretation. (Also like, spoiler warning throughout all of this post)

To start off with: hi, I'm a autistic afab nonbinary person and this is relevant for this little rant I'm bout to go on.

I want to begin by stating why I love this franchise so much.

Borderlands, whether you like it or not, is INCREDIBLY queer. And not in a coded kind of way, it's just flat out gay as fuck. And that means so fucking much to me. Borderlands 2 was one of the first times I ever felt fully represented in a game. Zer0 being this dumbass making Yugioh references and generally being a fun garbage boy and also being nonbinary meant a lot to me and I adore him to this day (nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns fuc off). And getting more and more into this series and finding out that basically every character was on some level queer was really cool to me. Maya being asexual and most of the characters being attracted to multiple genders so honestly and off handily was so refreshing and amazing to get to play through. The casual mentions of a woman's wife or some man's husband in the echo's you find or Moxxi talking about her ex girlfriends was one of the reasons I loved this so much.

Another thing I loved particularly about Borderlands 2 was how feminist it was. I can not tell you how quickly I lost my shit at Mr. Torgue talking about the friend zone being misogynistic(it is btw). And the repeated jokes about fully murdering men for being rude to women was some of the highlights of my first playthrough. Punching a guy till he explodes because he disrespected a sex worker?? Fucking immaculate.

SPEAKING OF SEX WORK.

Mad Moxxi is a icon. She is a mother of MULTIPLE children, a survivor of rape and assault and a fucking bad bitch who runs a now intergalactic titty bar. Getting to have not only a sex worker be respected in a narrative, Moxxi is fun and a genuinely complex character who isn't defined by her job or her appearance. She is emotional and strong and funny and flawed but amazing person.

And then there's the way the male characters a represented and treated. I'll be honest here, I haven't really played Borderlands 1, mostly because have been spoiled by auto pick up and also I just didn't feel like it. So my idea of most of the men are based entirely off of Bl2, the pre-sequel and Tales. Anyway, Mordecai in particular is a character I really liked upfront. I love how a lot of his motivation and character is driven by his love of animals and Bloodwing. He's kind and though troubled knows when to get his shit together and be there when he needs to be. His casual "are you okay?" After the latter falls in the Arid Nexus was such a nice moment and the way he genuinely tries to be there emotionally for all of the people around him who he cares for is so fucking rare to see in a male character. And his arc of giving up alcohol to focus on being a better bird dad and you getting to help Brick make Mordecai a special gift to celebrate his sobriety is so amazing and I'm so proud of him.

Mr. Torgue is my dad and I love him. As mentioned, he is normal and believes that the friend zone is absolute garbage talk is ICONIC™ and the best scene in that game fight me. Torgue is a crybaby. He is an emotional person who is not afraid to express his pain and hurt when people are mean to him. He respects women and loves unicorns. The fact that is physical appearance is a big muscle guy who screams but is the literal opposite of toxic masculinity will forever make him the best male character of all time and I love him and he is my dad.

Roland was a character that I was never in particularly attached to but I still respect him and did enjoy his presence. I really appreciated his leadership style being primarily based on empathy and logic as opposed to him being a big meanie man with a HUGE dick who yells at people. I always really resonated with the echo from Tannis talking about how she came to Sanctuary. Roland going out of his way to bring Tannis to safety while completely respecting her autism and struggle with socializing really made his death hit harder when Tannis was very obviously distraught by losing him. It really seems that Roland was the only one who didn't treat her differently. And as someone who's autistic, finding people who legit 100% understand and respect you and just let you live the way you want/need to is kinda hard and those are the qualities I'd personally want in a leader.

Angel is also a big spot of affection for me. Handsome Jack being a irrefutably horrible person who Angel flat out says gaslights people and killed her means a lot to me considering 99% of Bad Parent stories end with "I forgive u" getting to see an abusive victim take that narrative and say fuck you was powerful and meant a lot to me coming from my own abusive home life.

There's a lot of other things I love about Borderlands but if I keep going I won't stop lol so let's get into why Borderlands 3 makes me so uncomfortable.

One of the main things that bothered me was the sexism. Its nothing too horrifying but given how feminist bl2 was it was really shocking and a bit hurtful the number of times women are called bitches or made to seem crazy. If you recall I brought up how you punch a man to death for calling a woman a bitch? Yea no, in this game we mock women for having boundaries and opinions because lol she's just a CRAZY BITCH who just needs to stop acting so hysterical am I right guys?

Yea the whole mission with that stupid bear thing and his ex robot girlfriend made me insanely uncomfortable and upset. I kept waiting for the gotcha moment where it says actually this bear guy is a dick and he shouldn't use language like that but no we just,,,,,, are supposed to laugh along. I hate it.

Even though Borderlands 3 is still very much queer, this game introducing 2 new trans characters as well as a whole DLC about a gay marriage and one of the playable characters being a lesbian there was this some shit that bothered me.

The mission where you crash and ruin a lesbian wedding.

That mission made so upset and uncomfortable. I hated how traumatized and hurt Tumorhead was as I murdered her family and wife. I hated how unfulfilling the mission was where PLOT TWIST the lady was actually a spy or whatever. I hate how there's a mission about ruining some poor psycho ladies wedding. I would've much more preferred a mission where Idk Bloodshine asks you to help her kill a spy who's causing problems and then fucking go around Promethea collecting wedding decorations or something. OR MAYBE JUST NOT A MISSION WHERE YOU KILL LESBIANS FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I'm mad, anyway.

I also hated how Tannis was treated in this game. Under absolutely no circumstance would Doctor Patricia Tannis ever willingly take up a position of leadership. She is a severely autistic woman who gets nose bleeds from talking to people she wouldn't just be like "I'm in charge now pls talk to me!!!" Fuck off. And the joke about her dating a minecart isn't funny. The whole thing with the chairs, though funny in its absurdities was still a very important and powerful moment of character exploration. Tannis is insane. She is traumatized and hurt and in a moment of severe torture, she humanized some inanimate objects to cope. Tannis crying over the echo over Phillip is a heartbreaking moment of true vulnerability. It is also funny, because that's how good dark comedy works. It can be both hysterical and emotionally ruining at the same time. So what exactly does Tannis divorcing a minecart mean? What is this saying about her character? Why is it funny? Because lol lol reference??? Again, fuck off.

I hate how the Calypso twins childhood is handled. Troy implies it was horribly abusive and traumatic. But when we met Typhon whatever, he acts like it wasn't that bad??? He acts like he just didn't buy his kids the latest iPhone and oh no whoopsie now they're evil, my bad guys. It feels super weird and I don't like it.

Speaking of abusive parents. THEY DID MY GIRL ANGEL DIRTY SO BAD. This was literally when I decided I hated this game. Angel being the one who killed her mother and not Jack was fucking horrible. Especially after the literal foreshadowing in borderlands 2 implying he did. The fact that Jack is treated like a fearful man making what he thought was the right decision was insulting. I get that MattPat manipulated the fandom into thing Jack is a uwu bean but fuck you, you're the writers and you should fucking know better. Handsome Jack saw his daughter had power and turned her into a living battery for him to use as he saw fit. He was not scared and he was NOT right. Fuck you and fuck you for framing child abuse as chill and ok if your spooked enough like that. And the mission directly contradicts the echo's in Get To Know Jack. If Angel killed her mom why does she ask Jack where her mommy is when he's putting her in her chambers?? Why is it in the echo Jack is aggressive and forcibly and hurtfully makes her go into her chambers but in the memory, he's quiet and passive about it?? That's literally just flat out bad writing. Also fuck you.

Anyway,

I think that's really all I wanted to say about this topic. Obviously, there are also things that suck about bl3 but I'll try to chill and not make this too long.

I mostly wanted to make this to see if people cared/are bothered by the same things I am. I've seen how some of the fandom treats the more emotional and gay aspects of this franchise(the people throwing a fit over Amara, the friend zone line, not respecting trans peoples pronouns, sexualizing and being gross about Moxxi)

Anyway that's it byeeeeeeeeeeeee

#rant time #i was also gonna post this on reddit but it turns out i don't know how to use that app lol #so i prob wont #but dont worry still got tumblr #anyway #borderlands #borderlands spoilers #borderlands 3 spoilers #borderlands 3 #borderlands 2

38 notes · View notes

theghostisametaphor · 4 years

Text

Got up to episode 25 of Untamed and viewing’s been kind of sporadic and piecemeal for the last week or so but let me just make another bullet list because that’s the best way to convey my thoughts apparently.

Wen Chao’s Evil School for Hostages seems so long ago. those were the good times. so many people weren’t dead. also my god he was so bad at his job. let’s uhhhhh drag all the hostages along to a random cave. things got bad? uhhhhh yeah let’s block all the hostages up in the cave and let them die or whatever. i mean, it’s not like we needed them for anything.

Wen Zhuliu was not paid enough. actually i’m not sure if he was paid at all, but whatever it was it wasn’t enough. i don’t think it’s possible to be paid enough to babysit Wen Chao.

still delighted abt how fanficcy the whole ‘oh no we’re trapped in a cave for several days, there’s nothing for it but to wallow in sexual and emotional tension’ thing with LWJ and WWX was. also i appreciate that the show was like ‘you may feel the need to watch an amv at this point, but don’t worry, we already put one together for you.’ just an entire fucking music video for the two of them smack dab in the middle of the episode.

he sang him a song

killing a tortoise monster together! just fun couple things.

in all seriousness it’s been so - emotional in a way i didn’t expect to see Lan Wanji getting to be The Love Interest and treated as desirable when he’s low verbal/nonverbal pretty much 24/7, and touch averse, ‘i don’t like people touching me when i don’t know them well’ was such a mood, and usually if there is a character like that, the message is that you have to stop being that way in order to have a relationship or be loved. so yeah. important.

so the family situation at Lotus Pier was - tense. good to know where all the kids got their Issues from.

Madame Yu was such. an asshole. cool whip though.

so the show just really tried to break my heart into pieces in the aftermath of losing Lotus Pier, huh. Jiang Cheng is my son and he is not allowed to cry like that, it’s not okay! none of them are supposed to be that sad!

Wei Wuxian sort of managing to hold it together until Jiang Cheng disappears again and then finally starting to lose it. Freaking out over not knowing whether to trust Wen Ning or not, decision-making ability going to shit, visibly being unable to control his emotions, paranoia etc.

was really painful, but also really good? idk, it’s just really cathartic to see so many nd-coded characters going through Bad Stuff in ways i can relate to and understand.

poor Jiang Yanli being like ‘WWX, i already have one brother who can’t get out of bed bc he’s melting down so badly, please do not put yourself in the same state because of hyperfocusing on ‘I Can Fix Everything If I Just Read Enough Books And Also Never Sleep Again’.

(yeah i have some feelings about Jiang Cheng maybe being autistic, which i’m kind of nervous about bc it’s not something i’ve seen other people mention like adhd WWX, or autistic LWJ, but. it’s something i keep coming back to).

Wei Wuxian having that moment where he forgets that Cloud Recesses burned and then being like ‘oh i know! i just need to find Lan Zhan, he’ll help me fix this!’ was just - ouch.

Wen Qing + Wei Wuxian friendship! research pals!

ditto Wen Ning + Wei Wuxian they’re both so good.

i’d been spoiled for the golden core thing beforehand, so i knew what was going on when WWX was like ‘hm, maybe i know how to fix this’, and that just made it more emotional, honestly. i cried a lot.

Xue Yang cameo!

i feel so bad for Jiang Yanli, like ‘yes dear sister we will absolutely always stay together and nothing shall come between us’ i say as i knock you out with sleeping powder so i can send you off in a carriage without involving you in this decision At All.

i know why you do it, Wei Wuxian, but my god. i would develop severe trust issues.

Jiang Cheng’s face when he gets a golden core back. tears.

i find it incredibly funny how we just take a brief moment to say ‘oh yes, anyway, there was also this entire military campaign going on while the Yunmeng kids were missing from the main plot. it had a cool name. lots of badass weapon waving. would you like to see Lan Wanji looking very attractive while stepping on a Wen flag? of course you would. anyway back to the important stuff.’

have a lot more ground to cover but i’m getting tired and also have some chores to do so just gonna leave this here for now, and finish catching up to 25 in another post.

(when will the rabbits reappear though, i was sort of disappointed that they didn’t show up in their little rabbit headbands to fight the Wen during the Cloud Recesses battle).

#more rambling #a voice echoing from a sewer #the untamed #jamie watches the untamed

15 notes · View notes

sleepless-in-starbucks · 5 years

Text

Screw it

LAOFT from someone who’s never read the main story

100% of my knowledge of LAOFT comes from askes of @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors that I read and the one-shots I’ve read. Some of it will be right. Most of it will be wrong. Hopefully all of it is a hilarious, sleep-deprived mess.

Since there’s a good chance I’ve got at least a few bits of plot right there are some spoilers herein so beware weary traveler who really should just skip past this mess of a post.

Sleep-deprivation baby let’s go.

The basics:

Setting: Wickhills

Creepy fae town

I think it’s based in Ohio. Maybe. Probably. idk

Tho if you came here for exacts buddy oh boy I have bad news for you

I digress

I think the description of the first part says smth about the people not minding having their things stolen

Except for uh I think her name’s May Gage

Ro’s Mom?

I think

NO WAIT

Description has to do with Dot Sanders

Mum of Lo and Tho

Will talk about them later but I just had to get that straight first

Even tho there’s, like, nothing straight in this AU

I think the main plot problems arise, originally, due to miscommunication

Or lack of communication

All I know is in the drunk history of Wickhills that I barely remember there was a mention of them not communicating and that basically dooming them

And y’all... lots going on around here

Lots

So uh we’re jumping into characters now here I go

Virgil Lastnamesmth:

No I don’t know his last name and no I’m not going to learn it just for this post

It’s Lastnamesmth now deal with it

I think he’s Spider King

Or smth like that

He rules the forest

After he gets out of his magic coma

He’s in that for a long time tho

100 years I think?

And uh I think Durant did it to him but we’ll talk about the devil in a snake suit later

He got put in a protective coffin by... I want to say Greta but ngl I know nothing about Greta.

She may be one of Vi’s sisters

He has a LOT of siblings actually

Many are spider sisters I think

And I think Elliot and Thomas are also his siblings in a way

Maybe

idk

Again don’t trust what you read when it comes from me peeps

But he’s super powerful

And I think he’s in the winter court

Whatever that means

I know courts exist for the seasons, and I’m reasonably sure Virgil’s is Winter, but that’s about it

He has magic but I don’t think he used it in any of the one-shots I read so what do I know

Well he does in one

That one where Logan gives his full name

That one was good I quite liked it

Well actually they’re all good I like all the ones I read

Back to Virgil

Hates parties which is a mood

He has to host them tho

Being Spider King is cool other than that bit I gather

And the part where the court gossips about you but oh well I suppose

I believe he’s autistic too

Or at least written with a lot of autistic traits

Is that how you say it? Autistic traits sounds wrong

Can fae be autistic? Or just like it?

Y’know what fuck it fae can be autistic and the only one allowed to @ me about that is the author screw off haters

I think the rest of what I have to say can live in the misc section

NEXT CHARACTER

Roman Gage:

I’d like to start with I love him and every time I think about what little I know of his backstory I want to cry

idk how he ended up in an abusive relationship but I know he did

And he’s such a good boi

He doesn’t DESERVE IT GODSDAMNIT

Only Vi would get me this emotionally invested in characters I only sorta know I swear

So yeah

Current Ro still has some problems with that

For very obvious reasons

And yet!

He is a gentleman and a knight and a champion and a prince

Yes that is a direct reference at that one one-shot shhh

His family is also one of witches right

He has a familiar

Tis a cat named Dizzy

I only know about Dizzy from like one fic tho so that’s all I can say about her

Dizzy can talk too in case that wasn’t clear

He made a potion in the microwave despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t and I think that’s a good summary of his character

I think he found Virgil first

At the very least he did find Virgil

He’s a human who found a hot dude in a glass case crawling with creepy crawlies and thought ‘ah yes the perfect place to spend all my time’

Sounds legit I’m sure

I don’t know how this lead to him in a bad place with the motherfucker also called the Serpent King

But it did

But in the end he got glass coffin boy and two others so at least he’s got that going for him

We move on once more!

Patton Uh what’s Remy’s last name again I think it’s that:

Or it isn’t

I said it before I’ll say it again:

Looking up info for this defeats the point

Deal with my horrible misinformation

He got a gift from White!

I believe this is because his Mum saved her or something

The problem?

The gift is also a curse

Because while it’s incredibly written that’s the cliché folks

People have to do what ever he ‘orders’

Basically anything that techincally demands something from the other

Including things like ‘stop’ which is like one-hit KO murder word

Patton had a nightmare about that

That was a fun one-shot

Though if you could just like kill people on accident I guess I’d have nightmares ‘bout it too

He’s the other human of the trio plus one

No I don’t remember the word for a group of four people and no I’m not going to look it up

A Professional Cuddler according to that one fic where the description’s like ‘Patton thinks he’s got the best seat in the house’ or whatever

There’s one fic where Emile help him put make-up on

Wowsers

That fic was fun to read because he flustered ALL his bfs

No question

What else what else

I think he’s got a bodyguard

Named... Bell???

Maybe???

Okay I think that’s most of my Pat knowledge

ONWARDS

Logan (Berry) Sanders:

Yes adding the Berry was very important

It’s a huge part of that name fic

And I like it so

Deal with it

He’s a fae

I believe a changling to be exact

And a selkie

He’s... spring court...?

He was replaced for Thomas in typical Changling fashion

But then Thomas came back (I think Dot got Tho back idk) and suddenly he had a brother

He has nature magic of some form

But his best power is his flower power

He can’t control it and I love it so much

I don’t even KNOW what each type of flower appearing means 9 out of 10 times but that doesn’t make me any less happy about it

*Sigh*

I wish I sprouted flowers at random...

I think he’s also autistic

He and Virgil occasionally bond over that it’s sweet

Like with the painted nails tap tap tapping

Or the singing walls

I know something happened to him

Something relating to something stupid Ro did

I think that’s the stupid thing that got Ro forced to be with the dick that is Deceit in this

But I honestly don’t know what happened to Logan

Hmph

He can be a nervous boi

That fic where he tried to say I love you with his notecards?

Love that one

...Twenty-five percent of this is just me randomly complimenting Vi’s one-shots ain’t it

Huh

Oh well

No regrets

I just realized I use ‘Vi’ for Violet and Virgil interchangeably

That may be problematic but screw off if you think I’m going to change anything

That’s too much effort

BACK TO LOGAN

He has a honey problem from that one fic I read

Where he gets real sappy about his bfs to Thomas

Not like a bad problem

Just a ‘maybe he should stop drinking it if he wants to pretend he has dignity’ problem

Okey-dokie I’m moving on to his bro now

Thomas (Bug) Sanders:

Lo’s incredible brother

And when I say incredible I mean it

Very nice

Will squish Logan when needed

Actually will squish anyone when needed

He has a Squish Instinct

Also has Brother Instinct and no it’s not the Cain Instinct

It’s the opposite

Will Fight if you try to hurt Lo from what I can tell

I think he also had a monster in his head

The monster has a longer name but I can’t spell it so I won’t try

This fact is based on One (1) one-shot where he has a weird freak out

That’s also the fic I base my belief that he’s somehow Virgil’s brother on

But no promises

The fic starts with italics and bolded lines interchanging

I don’t remember the name tho

If you haven’t already figured out I’m not going to look it up you’re even more sleep-deprived then I am

But yeah Thomas is great

Teases Lo about his crushes like a good bro

Helps Lo when he’s panicking or freaking out or something

Even when Lo’s at college

I don’t know as much about Tho so let’s leave it there

Onto the Monster

Durant (is that his name idk) Monsterunworthyoflove:

His last name is Monsterunworthyoflove because that’s what he is

I know almost nothing about him actually

They call him ‘he’ a lot because I think trigger reasons

But honestly he also doesn’t deserve to have his name spoken

He was the Snake King

Maybe Serpent King

Eh idc

I believe he put Virgil in magic coma to rule as King

I think they were brothers but idk

HE SUCKS

I think he’s dead

I wish I knew how or by who’s hand but he is

He got a coffin in the ground which I think if unfair

Let the worms devour his flesh and let me make his bones into my furniture

I am a part of the Kill Durant Again squad only because I missed my chance to kill him first

Like I said I know little about him

But he put the abusive in Roman’s abusive relationship so honestly fuck him to Hell and back and then do it again for good measure

Every time I read a scene with Ro being uncomfy because of him

I want to strangle him

I fucking mime the motions

Violet honestly props on making such a hate-able character

I could talk about him more because I do know a few other things

But honestly the fact he’s not real and my dream to choke him slowly is therefore impossible makes my skin crawl

I hate him so much it’s not healthy so we’re moving on

To minor characters!

Minor Characters:

As in characters I know very little about

I guess they could be vital characters

REMY

MY BOI

I know he’s a classic badboy who will die if Emile kisses him and I love him

Also he’s super smart with his moonshine and I’m so proud

I love him so so so so much and I barely know him

Good job Violet you wrote him well and I love you

Emile is also great

Remy has protected him for wearing skirts because Rem’s a good boy and he’s RIGHT

Emile feels bad for treating Patton bad in the past I think

Hence that one make-up session

Emile also crushes on Remy hard the remile in this AU is on point man

Elliot exists

I think they’re Virgil’s sibling. Somehow. Maybe

I read one one-shot that focused on their relationship with Vi and that’s all I know about them

Mawmaw (Mamaw? mawma? I’mma just call her May. If she’s May. I think she’s May) is Ro’s Mom.

Also a witch I think

Really tough but she cares

Dot is super nice

She’s Lo and Tho’s Mum I think

I don’t remember the one-shots with her in them well but she’s always sweet

Okay there’s this one character who’s name starts with an E

I think she’s Logan biological mom

Logan cut a knot he had with her or smth

Apparently she’s awful and Vi would kill her but it would have a bad mental effect on Ro for... some reason

he got pale when the idea was brought up idk

I would have thrown her in forever prison if I couldn’t kill her but that’s just me

She placed a curse on Lo that stopped him from leaving Wickhills I think

Or smth

Lo broke the curse tho so what does it matter

Linda is the LAMP’s daughter??? I think???

I... haven’t actually read the fics she’s in so idk

But people really seem to love her so that’s neat

Out of minor characters so we progress to my fav part about the series

Gay bois:

Aka the LAMP gang

They’re so gay guys

The gayest gays

I like to think I can write decent gays

But these???????

They barely have to look at each other before they’re dead, murdered, killed by the mere beauty of one of the others

I LIVE FOR IT

In the one-shots I’ve read they’re either completely 100% fluffy gays

Or gays helping each other with one Trauma or another

But they still end up gay-ing over each other in the end

and the KISSING

as an aroace I generally find kisses meh or ew

But these gays

All they want to do is kiss

Sometimes it’s tender and sweet and loving

More often than not tho the kisses are like

‘If one of you didn’t manage to barely hold onto a brain cell throughout the gay you’d be fucking in public’

I am repulsed to write that sentence but it’s TRUE

...I think

Note: idek the difference between passionate but just passionate kisses and passionate about to get steamy kisses

Because you know

aroace

But the main point:

I find kisses meh

But these gays very clearly illustrate how beautiful kisses can be and I think that’s wonderful

Also I just generally love LAMP and this is good good LAMP A++ Vi

They’re so gay and loving and protective of each other

They really deserved their own category

Onto the final section

Misc:

Aka stuff that doesn’t fit in the other sections and/or stuff that did fit in the other sections but I forgot about it and am too lazy to put where it belongs

I realize now that Remy and Pat do not have the same last name

They’re not brothers (I don’t think......)

Does Pat’s last name start with a W?

That sounds right

Fug me if I know what Rem’s last name is tho

Where do they all live

I thought only Vi lived in fae land

But I think Pat may live there too

But Lo lives in non-fae land???

idk

Also fae land is called fairyland and I can’t tell if that’s it’s actual name or the name one of the Bois gave it jokinly

Because if fairyland is it’s serious name, that’s hilarious

No shade Violet I’m just easily amused

Y’know I always forget how young these bois are

Then I remember Lo’s not even 18 by the time the after main plot one-shots come in to play

So like

Damn son they young

I feel double bad for all of them

Triple bad for Ro- the Serpent King’s head will be mine I swEAR

I think Ro’s been a knight twice

Tho if you ask me he’s only been a knight once

Because I refuse to associate him in any way to the dick that is Durant if I can help it so he’s only ever been Vi’s knight suck it

Apparently like almost all of Wickhills hate the Sander bois

Probably the LAMP crew too idk

What I mean to say is despite how desperate I want to live there a lot of Wickhills’s residents are jerkwads

I think I saw a post where Lo can do photosynthesis and idk if it’s a shitpost or not but in this mess of a post I have decided it is canon

Mainly because that’s cool and I would like to do photosynthesis

A new one-shot I didn’t read has sparked a lot of askes about a Matt

I believe this man to be Pat’s father

But I can make no promises as to the accuracy of this belief

Did Linda come out of a tree?

idk why but I feel like she did

That’s weird man

How do you come out of a tree

(me @ me: ‘you could... you could read the fic and find out’

So turns out I can shut the hell up

I am a bitch who understands nothing)

And I have ONCE MORE gotten off track oof

My favorite part of reading LAOFT is all the fae knowledge I learn

Really has sparked my interest in fae

Even if I’ll never know enough to do anything with it asfsdfb

Plus apparently Vi just sprinkles in her own fae lore here and there

Which is super cool

But also means if I tried to write something I’m quite sure someone would be like ‘umm this isn’t true’ and I would feel played

Also what is up with Vi and Lo and rainfall

In that one fic where they hide in a tree and Logan senses a raindrop

His skin breaks open and sews itself together????

wtf????

So confusion

But hey guess whose bitch’s fault that is

*finger guns at a mirror*

ELDRITCH MONSTORITY

That’s not at ALL how you spell it but that’s it that’s the thing that was in Thomas’s head

Go me for remembering it

Fae land has a lot of customs and I know very few of them

Tho I do adore that one Flirt fic

Poor poor Virgil

Oh yeah Logan can make these super cool bushes

I know he used one rose bush when fighting someone who’s name started with a Mrs/Miss

Yes I know the first name wasn’t actually Mrs/Miss

But all I know of her name is Mrs/Miss something

And he used another bush against some idiot of a fae who grabbed Patton

By the way go protective Lo go

Like they can all get crazy protective of each other and I LIVE for it

ROMAN HAD HIS MEMORIES SPLIT UP??????

I mean I knew about a Night Roman and a Day Roman but I thought that was

a metaphor

Like Roman acted differently during the night because he was stuck with a monster whom I shall revive simply to kill again

And he was trying to be separate from that person??

Or something like that

But NOPE

Serpent King is a Bastard of a being and I would happily crush his wind pipe beneath my foot

I hope the most amusing part of this sleep-drunk post is my different names for Durant the Dead Bitch because I am having fun insulting him

Okay listen peeps that is not even CLOSE to everything about this series but I wrote this over a couple of days, and my memory of what has been written and hasn’t been written is nonexistent, and if you think I’m rereading this to edit, you’re a fool (no offense) so like. We’re just gonna do a wrap-up summary and call it good.

Summary: Gay fae messes who should figure out the value of communication get themselves in a LOT of shit because of their lack of said communication.

Also, final apologies to Violet, because LAOFT has incredibly deep, rich, intricate lore and my response to this lore is to grossly misrepresent it and also write this while I’m in the constant state of being sleep-deprived, and more or less acting like I’m drunk or smth

So uh. I hope this was amusing.

#the cryptid speaks #the cryptid is a fool #tired I am #won't stop me from doing this tho #laoft #violet #I have no apologies #also #no fact checking #because we die like men #swearing tw #long post #really #very very long post beware #and almost all of it is my stupid ramblings #violence tw #tell me if I need to tag something I forgot about and it will be done

101 notes · View notes

almaasi · 6 years

Text

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x14 “Ouroboros”

conclusion: yes, apparently feet can look gay, and Dean and Cas are both queer by proxy

04:35pm

me: still v magnesium deficient, sick, dizzy

LET’S WATCH A THING AND THINK ABOUT IT WITH MY PUDDING BRAIN

any thoughts stated here are run through a pudding filter so please do not be alarmed if they are incoherent or a weird colour

okay it’s a Steve Yockey episode so i guess he’s gonna give us a great character and then kill them before the title card

04:41

hang on i need to eat and i can’t eat and think at the same time so i’mma go watch an episode of shaun the sheep brb

04:46

okay well i watched half an episode and ate half my food so,... yay

LET’S WATCH THIS OTHER THING THEN

04:48

sam’s “i believe in us” *PUNCH* still makes me laugh

04:49

the body on the AAAAAAAAAAAAA I’

M SCREAMING NOPE NOPE NOPE

can i just watch this whole thing with my hand over the screen

because that is what i’ doing rn

oh god i hate this

actually you know what

i just skipped to the title card

cause fuck that haahahhaah nope

oh lord it didn’t skip to team free will

how much of this do i have to take

oh okay tfw are here already

WELL GREAT NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO SKIP BACK TO

ASJFSDFHSFHSJ

04:54

i fuckin love rowena and how much they ask for her help even though they’re “enemies” except they’re clearly lowkey Fond of each other

also i like how this ep started in the middle of the case

04:56

rowena: “hello castiel” ;) ;) ;)

okay well

this pleases me

because i know the only way this ends is that cas is not interested and that’s the Point

because he <3s dean

but also why the hell is rowena into cas....... surely she knows he loves dean. unless she’s just into starting shit, i wouldn’t be surprised

04:58

the way jack says “i’m not dying”

10/10

04:59

cas: “he’s now claimed the lives of six people in northern new mexico”

why does he say “people” like that

05:01

dean’s throwing a looooot of salt at rowna. maybe because she keeps flirting with cas

“everything means something”

YEAH EXACTLY

DEAN’S SALTY BECAUSE ROWENA’S FLIRTING WITH CAS I’VE DECIDED

05:03

sam says dean can keep michael locked in his head “because he’s dean and dean is dean”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah okay

expert closet curator, you mean

05:05

dean has a good feeling about bringing rowena in on this one??????????????? after all the snark????????????

cas: “they do have many books”

me: *squINTS REALLY HARD* i feel like they’re implying something else and neither of them are talking about the same thing. did dean set sam up on a date with rowena????????????

also?

DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DATE. DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DINNER DATE IN A DINER. ALERT ALERT ALERT

paralleling rowena and sam perhaps

05:08

concerned head tilt

oh god their love and mutual understanding and trust in each other is killing me with its softness

i’m so so so glad we get to see them in some downtime at fucking last

05:10

oh no jack’s coughing again

why can’t he have nice things

05:10

dean: “that’s what i’m supposed to say, right? i’m fine? keep on moving?”

cas: “no, dean”

the fact dean lets his guard down only with cas in private ;~;

sidenote, this episode is giving me my bloody valentine meets hunteri heroici vibes, which is nice because they’re two of my all-time fave episodes

but god i wish it would go easy on the cannibalism

05:14

dean: “i’m barely even sleeping” :D

THAT PAINED GRIN OH GOD

but also

i’m so emotional because he told anyone at all, but especially that of all people he told cas

of course he told cas, cas is his emotional sounding board

if this were a fanfic cas would offer to share the bed with dean and help him sleep

....but i mean, who knows, maybe dean was secretly hoping for that anyway

05:19

that’s the face of “dean doesn’t know what liturgical means”

05:22

jack: “what’s an av club?”

cas: “it’s a special club for people who do not play sports”

dean: *points at cas* “him. he’s av club”

mmmmmmmm yup

autistic nerd

dean’s baseball and track team, cas is av club and student tutoring

but also if dean ever got cas onto the baseball field cas would hit every ball first time

and dean would be swooning

BUT ALSO DEAN WOULD FUCKING LOVE AV CLUB ARE YOU KIDDING ME

he’d be in there with charlie every fuckin day and leaning seductively on furniture while cas does his nerd thing, until the point where something properly capures dean’s interest and then HE WANTS A GO and bats away everyone else’s hands and hogs the contraption for 3 hours. also he’d fix things when they break

DEAN TONE DOWN THE PROJECTION A NOTCH WOULD YA

JEEZ

look i’m just gonna count dean calling cas “av club” as flirting, because hello yes there is no way dean doesn’t find that interesting

05:30

i fucking knew it

the moment this episode opened and i saw the guy’s bare feet in the kitchen somehow i knew he was queer ??????????

i can’t explain it

but the fact there was a shot of his feet and his feet looked gay i can’t even

anyway this probably doesn’t even count as legit queer rep given he’s seducing guys and killing them so

stupid gay feet

sidenote: did ANYONE else get queer vibes from that opening scene? CAN PEOPLE’S FEET LOOK GAY OR IS THAT JUST ME

maybe it’s like... the sensuality of bare feet + cooking, breaking pointless gender roles n stuff, my brain has been coded by society’s bullshit to perceive sensual men as non-heterosexual

idk

but also. the foot-upward view of a new character... male gaze, right? and seeing the male gaze on a male character makes it queer

goddamn

it’s a thing

it’s a thing and the directing got the point across and it took me until now to work it out

GAY FEET

also

now i’m going back to cas’ line “six people”

my initial understanding of that line was that they weren’t all men

but the thing was the people didn’t need to be said that way if it was just men and women

my immediate instinct said the victims were non-binary, but i didn’t type it because i had no reason yet to believe that might be true and it seemed unnecessary to say it

but at this point, as the baddie hits on a guy at a truck stop in exchange for a ride, they’re clearly potentially queer victims

yeah that explains the inflection

05:41

on the one hand, i’m seeing a connection to that time dean was seduced by a siren

but see my problem with this is that the guy’s either gonna end up dead or saved and i don’t know which yet

i just want happy queer stories

so i’m pretty divided about this

but on the other hand, please, god, let this gorgon guy “sense things” about dean

ALSO WAIT

IS THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS ON THIS SHOW?????????? 90% SURE THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS. there might have been a background one once

PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE

EVEN IF IT’S EVIL AND TWISTED AND MAKES ME FEEL WEIRD

05:44

i feel like there should’ve been an optic nerve attached to that eyeball.. and a lot of gross stuff

but also thank goodness there wasn’t

ohdfjfdg i really hate this

but also i’m smiling?

05:46

cas: “is this amusing to you?”

the guy called him sir!!! eeheheh

05:47

cas: “you’re not standing alone, why doesn’t he mention me?”

dean: “maybe you’re not his type”

i mean. guess he can’t see angels. BUT ALSO

CAN WE UNPACK HOW UTTERLY QUEER EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS

WE NOW UNDERSTAND THAT NOAH’S TYPE IS QUEER GUYS

AND DEAN KNOWS THIS

SO BY SAYING CAS ISN’T NOAH’S TYPE THAT MEANS HE’S IMPLYING THAT HE HIMSELF IS

BECAUSE HE’S QUEER AF

steve yockey, this is the episode i was waiting to see from you

team free will working a case together, dean and cas on a date talking about their feelings, on a case about queer stuff

hell fucking yes

05:52

rowena: “need anti-venom in case one of you boys gets sloppy”

wouldn’t that mean noah kisses either cas or jack

god i’m so glad rowena’s there too

this episode is great sdgsfkg

05:53

ROWENA AND SAM FAKING A RELATIONSHIP + A DOG OH MRJGJD IFUCKING LOVE THIS

WHERE DID THEY GET THE DOG

WHERE’S THE BIT LATER WHERE DEAN AND CAS ~FAKE~ A RELATIONSHIP PLEASE

05:55

OH MY GOD THE VET STUCK A THERMOMETER IN JACK’S ASS

OH MY GOFH D:

06:00

noah: “then he doesn’t have to die like all the other men”

hmmmmmmm

okay so all the victims were men

which makes me even more curious about why cas used that inflection on “people”

cas also looked like of amused? definitely a misha expression rather than a cas expression, the little lilt of a smile on his lips like the way he says any word starting with “h”

maybe some of them were transgender men and cas didn’t know them before they died so could only guess as to their gender? maybe some of the bodies they found were not gender-conforming

it also kiiiiind of sounded like misha changing the script after a discussion on set about it

but if that were true then that means someone on set doesn’t believe gay or queer men are men? maybe? maybe i’m reaching there

but i’m genuinely caught up on that inflection and the use of that word, it really stood out to me

and it stands out especially, now, because like i said, we know the victims were men, we know team free will found them all, and we know they were queer.

but also it’s not dean saying it, it’s cas

and i can’t imagine any scenario where cas would have trouble with non-binary pronouns

if anyone has further thoughts on this, please direct me towards them

06:23

my browser broke?? and i lost a chunk of this post, but i had the above stuff backed up in email

i'mma go back a bit and try and remember what i typed

idk i think it was just about the fact noah confirmed all his victims were men which further confused me

and then said he also eats ladies

and then said some feminist stuff which made me sad that it came from the bad guy

but also that i could imagine cas saying something similar, deadpan, and then reaching for dean’s burger

* schmooch *

whEN DOES DEAN GET TO DO THAT

06:28

okay YES

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO SAY

NOAH SAYS HELLO TO DEAN

WHY JUST DEAN

WHY IS HE FIXATED ON DEAN WHEN THERE’S 3 OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM? and why only write the letter to dean?

I’LL TELL YOU WHY

BECAUSE DEAN’S BISEXUAL AF

AND YES HE IS HIS TYPE

REPRESSED “STRAIGHT” MEN WHO SECRETLY LIKE GUYS

CAN THAT BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS?? I THINK NOT

i love how this episode refers back to some of the older episodes, in the best possible way

conclusion: dean is bi

06:32

noah took the bag with the snek inside but i guess the snek esckep

06:34

maybe true love’s kiss will wake dean up

CAS QUICK

MIGHT AS WELL TRY RIGHT

06:40

hurts my heart how cas has apparently made peace with the fact he’ll outlive dean and sam

i guess it’s good but

can’t help but believe deep down he would rather die than live without them

and now i’m crying because cas says the point is that you got to know them at all

suddenly catharsis for future pain

06:47

oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS THE WORST

06:47

rowena as michael??? okay, that i can get behind

ooh

BUT ALSO

OH NO

06:49

michael (about dean): “it didn’t work out. it was him. not me.”

flip of a classic dating line, making this QUEER AGAIN

06:55

JACK THE LIL HERO

WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

//waits for the silence to be over

06:56

oh boy

06:57

OKAY WOW

WHAT AN EPISODE

i was really hoping it would turn into a plotty one, the way changing channels does at the end

this was really well done and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!!!!!! i mean, besides the squicks, and the fact the queer rep and feminist lines came from a bad guy

dean was 100% noah’s type

jack is the bestest baby bean

i feel so bad about the thermometer thing..... like, i’m not sure if it was meant to come across as funny? but there was no indication it should be... which is good i guess? but also i feel secondhand violated

DEAN AND CAS’ DATE AND TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS WHEEE

i like that this episode actually came full circle on that “dean vs michael” point, rather than having it be a one-off conversation and things aren’t resolved until a later episode

i think i’m gonna enjoy rowena as michael. and i like that she said yes because she does care about team free will

sad about maggie :c

but also all those other extra hunters were changed out pretty much episode so there was no real way to know who they were. they seemed pretty diverse though, across various episodes

i liked the asian lady vet!!!! she was fun. and i’m glad the asian gay guy didn’t die... where did he even disappear to though? who knows

overall 10/10? it had all the good shit i like so. yep.

I WANT MORE EPISODE LIKE THIS. QUEER CHARACTERS (PREFERABLY NOT EVIL), MORE ASIAN CHARACTERS, MORE TEAM FREE WILL ON HUNTS, MORE LADIES GETTING COOL ROLES AS PART OF THE TEAM AND/OR AS AN FRENEMY, MORE JACK SAVING THE DAY

MORE ROWENA IN PANTS

yeah

but more of all

MORE GAY KISSES FOR DEAN AND CAS

i love that the fact noah was fixated on dean put him in the “noah’s type = queer” category, and when noah kissed cas it did the same thing

so really, by evil proxy, noah made a point of showing us who’s queer

i mean we already knew

but HE SHOWED US

yee

no conclusion on why cas said p e o p l e though

#14x14 #ouroboros #spn spoilers #Steve Yockey #season 14 #Elmie watches things #post of postiness #Destiel #my meta #meta #Dean is bisexual

63 notes · View notes

paw-patrol-kiddo · 6 years

Text

2018 for my regressive side

Oh my gosh, we’re at the end of the year already! It went by sooooo fast!!! I’m a shook baby hee hee hee

Anyways, as some of y’all may remember, I did a post like this last year! Things have happened since then, things have changed-- and I wanna cover it all! I don’t think I’d call this the best year of my life (I say this because I’m not so sure about 2017 being the best year of my life anymore tbh), but it was still pretty dang good!!! Had its hard parts and such, bu otherwise, was a v good year!!!!

Y’all probs know the drill: I write mostly about my age regression adventures this year, with occasional bits of my Teenage Life(tm) sprinkled in here and there! I try to keep the latter to very important events, though (frankly, I think I have failed terribly at this, but do I care? At this point in my life, not really tbh), and mostly focus on regression when I can.

If you wanna do somethin like this for what this year held for your regressive side, feel free to!! I’d love if ya tagged me in it so I can read it!

Are we ready for the year review? I am and hope you are! It’s below the cut if ya wanna read it! Here we go!!!

January of course started off with my 16th birthday! It also marked five years (note: I miswrote this as either five or six in my first year review post! It’s actually been five, almost six years now) since I started liking diapies again, something that’s been a part of my life on-and-off since 2010 for sure, though I think I’ve liked them since at least 2008 according to my memories and the vibes I get from them!

“Chloe, why is this important?” You probably ask as you read that sentence.

Well, personally, I think it’s a huge part of what led me to begin age regressing! I started off liking diapies, then I started wondering about “being and acting like a baby/toddler again”, I started acting on some of the desires and urges I got as a result whenever I could, and well, it went on from there as we can see!

Towards the end of this month, I got some cool baby toys, more toddler snacks, and another pack of binkies! That was a pretty good-ish day from what I’m able to remember. c:

Oh yeah! I gots another rattle before then! She was one of the only good parts of a terrible day. I still love her so much.

This month, I also began seeing a friend irl again that I refer to here as friendo! We first met when we were 12, saw each other again twice when we were both 13, and then never met again... until back in 2017 at a Halloween event! For most of this year, we saw each other weekly, and I’m so happy to say that friendo is my best irl friend. He’s really an amazing guy. He doesn’t know it, but he’s helped me get through the rest of my depressive episode.

Yup, I said it. Remember when I said I thought the episode I had back in November last year was over and that I probably just cheated one and thus was irritable as a result? Hoo, buddy, I was so wrong... I was still depressed and had no idea and it blew up in my face. It was bad. I’m talking being hardly able to get my chores done, being able to get out of bed being a miraculous achievement, happiness being a rare feeling.

It was so bad that my doctor told me if I kept having problems, we’d have to talk about “getting a mood stabilizer or anti-depressant on board”.

Fortunately, it hasn’t reached that point, and things started getting gradually better when I finally admitted I was depressed and got help after things took a sharp turn for the worse briefly (my parents even let me take a few days off of my chores so I could focus on resting and recovery! They’re no strangers to depression themselves).

The only happy thing I can really note during this time involving regression is that I discovered one of the very few things that could make me feel happy that wasn’t involving my special interests: Wearing diapers. It’s kinda funny to me! Depressed me was quick to figure out that was likely one of her best ways to cope.

That event sucks because now whenever I start feeling sad for more than one day, well, as you can imagine I immediately begin worrying that it’s coming back for another round. Whenever I stop feeling as happy, I start observing myself more closely. The thought of it coming back actually scares me.

I know one thing for sure: If that beast comes back, I’m going to get myself medicated for it ASAP. I’d really rather not, but if it comes back, then I guess it’s safe to say that seeing as I’ve struggled with depression on-and-off since at least 2013, medication’s probably a good idea!

Man! How’s that for a ramble? Let’s move on and talk about February! My ex came back to me after he stopped talking to me in October. At first, I was so happy! I quickly began befriending him again, especially after I learned that his ex-girlfriend, whom he had just broke up with, was less-than-ideal towards him.

But then I discovered he wanted to get back with me and was actively trying to get me to. I was scared if I flat-out said “I do not want to get back with you. I want to just be friends”, he’d flip out in the bad way. Honestly, he probably would. So what did I do?

Did what I felt was best to do with the help of Mama.

Let’s just say we’re not friends anymore. :3c I still feel bad about it sometimes, but hey, I can write An Actual List of problems involving our relationship, romantic and otherwise, so I guess it’s valid to not be comfortable with being his friend anymore, especially since it’s clear he just wants me back with him, no matter how I feel. He still stares at me whenever we play baseball. It bothers me a lot. Hopefully, he’ll get over me soon.

On the more positive and regressive side of things, some cool things happened. Friendo also pretty much called me out about me being little a lot (even when I’m big!) and accepted it without realizing it. Some may say he didn’t, but I think he did and it means so much to me. Pretty sure I almost cried of joy when that happened. I think about it every now and then and love friendo a little more. He’s a keeper for sure when it comes to friends!

March was w i l d. First day into the month, I literally had one of my then-rare nonverbal episodes. I was worried that maybe I was beginning to become depressed again as I noticed I was beginning to feel more tired. As I know now, turns out it was just my autistic burnout kind of setting back in-- oh, and my anxiety beginning to reach the point where I couldn’t cope anymore. But I didn’t know this at the time.

I shrugged it off briefly-- until I had another episode while on voice-chat with friendo. And another one the next day while on a real life trip to a museum. And then another when Kim came to visit... The nonverbal episodes rapidly became a close-to-daily experience, sometimes totally daily. As I watched myself “regress” as my mom and aunt put it, I was confused and scared about what was happening to me. The confusion eased once I figured out it was burnout, but obviously the fear didn’t really.

I went off my ADHD medication I was taking at the time (Adderall) towards the end of the month. I still find it interesting that I couldn’t regress on it. I don’t quite know why! I just couldn’t.

I tried taking two other medications after, but they... didn’t quite work, at least in pleasant ways. I won’t go into detail on those!

Kiddo-wise, I got new window curtains for my room! They’re one of the first things I see every morning. It’s very nice~ One of the things that gives my room the kiddy vibe of it. Oh, and I got a Paw Patrol bowl this month, too! I love to eat Cheerios out of it~

Literally the last day of this month, guess what happened? Kim moved in! That was an awesome day~ It sucked seeing her cry, though (that part right there? A bit of a personal part that I suppose I won’t share since I’m not sure if she’d be okay with it or not)

April was a Nice Month! I finally started going to occupational therapy (I was originally going to start in May, but I got pushed forward a month) and I can say with confidence it’s helped me a lot in the time I got to go. My occupational therapist taught me a lil trick I can do before I actually try eating any foods I want to try and it’s made my life much easier. I can try all the kiddy foods I want now without feeling as anxious about it! :D Who would’ve known that I’d like peanut butter sandwiches and string cheese? I wouldn’t have! Also, the Wilbarger brush? A gift to mankind imo

What else happened this month? Let’s see here... I went on anxiety medication via suggestion of my therapist/psychologist (oh my gosh, life-changer right there friends, 10/10, I actually don’t know how I lived without it), watched my nonverbal episodes take a major decrease afterwards, and Mommy surprised me with a pack of diapies with tapes! I can definitely say I prefer diapies with tapes, but I’m not that picky. Actually, I kind of am. It depends on how old I’m regressing to. Then I’m kinda picky, heh heh

May tbh? A pretty quiet month. All I can note is that summer break started for Kai and I and we both got to actually take a full summer break without the usual math-work we have to do! (I’m dyscalculic and prone to what my mom and I call “math skill regression”, so that’s why I have to practice. Idk about Kai, but I think it’s because she seems to have some difficulties with math herself)

The day I was told about our Complete Summer Break(tm), man, I flipped! I told myself I would make this summer the littlest one ever! Did I succeed? Sadly, no. But hey, there’s always next summer! And the next one if that doesn’t work out...

June was super-duper cool! I got a new bed to replace my queen-sized one and I managed to get a complete Paw Patrol bed set for it! I love my bed so much~ It’s so cute and Literally Perfect, especially when we consider the fact that I also have a weighted blanket with Elsa and Anna from Frozen on it! (I’ve actually had it for about two years now, but it’s not shown in the photo-set in the link!) Oh, and let’s not forget the Pillow Pet I’ve used as my main pillow since I first received it back in 2010! (That’s not in the photo-set either!)

The day after I got my new bed? Baseball ended for the summer. I knew what to do the first Saturday of no baseball. Funny enough, as if she read my mind, Mama surprised me with some Paw Patrol bandages that day! They always cheer me up whenever I get a boo-boo :3c

Towards the end of this month, I celebrated this blog’s one year anniversary! I am seriously so glad I made this blog. If I hadn’t, I can’t imagine what my life would be like, where I’d still be hiding this from A LOT of people, where I likely wouldn’t have met and become friends with quite a bit of y’all, where I wouldn’t have become more comfortable with myself. I’m sure I’d be very unhappy and feeling so trapped and lonely involving this. Otherwise... I simply can’t imagine what my life would be like otherwise.

As if I observed this day without thinking, I went to the Dollar Store pretty much next to Easter Seals (where I went for occupational therapy) place and had quite the shopping trip! That was fun~

July was a pretty nice month, I suppose! Early this month marked one year since I first wore a diaper for the first time since my first childhood! I just had to observe it in a specific way (aka wearing a diaper), only the day before the actual anniversary itself. Funny enough, Kim’s cat ended up coming to live with us that day! Her name is Rogue and she's really cute! She can be really mean sometimes, though. She ended up having kittens later this month~

Another regression-related thing that happened was that while we were on vacation, I got some cool toys! I got a train with lil block things on it, three stacking cars, a pink spiky ball, and two teddy rattles! I... still need to post pictures of those, apparently. I also got a dinoroar plushie that I named Jackson! He’s one of my favorite plushies and I love him a lot. I should post a piccy of him on here sometime!

Something else that happened on vacation was that I went nonverbal the second day of being there. Everyone, including me, was chill since it was normal by then. I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning, only to find I was still nonverbal. Talk about quite a shock for everyone! (I normally stop being nonverbal once I sleep, so this was really weird for me)

I ended up spending the rest of the vacation nonverbal, which I was pretty chill with, save for some problems communicating in a hot-tub without my tablet (Kim had a hard time keeping up with what I signed).

The day after we got home, back came my verbal skills. Five days later? If I’ve got my memory of what day correct, I heard Dad coming home from where he volunteers occasionally and suddenly got the paralyzing feeling in my throat I usually get just before I go nonverbal. In around ten minutes, I was nonverbal, but for seemingly no reason.

Save for two or so brief breakthroughs, I spent quite a while without mouth-words. My family and therapist and I have figured out what the cause is likely since then. (It’s quite long... I actually had the explanation here, but removed it cause it was Way Too Long. If anyone’s curious, I’m okay with talking about it if anyone wants to message me n ask about it~)

August isn’t very exciting!

Non-kiddo wise, I got my IPad to use as an AAC device! I use Proloquo2go on it if anyone’s curious. I honestly love it a lot.

Kiddo-wise, the only thing I can really note is that I... kinda started sucking my thumb again. Oops :3c Kim’s made me mostly stop though, by kind of using consequences for me if I didn’t stop and get my chew necklace I like to suck on (One big example I can think of: “Go get your necklace or we won’t cuddle anymore.”). She even had Kai take over redirecting me when she left for Texas the next month! It’s not fun, but I guess I don’t need to risk making my already severe overbite worse.

September didn’t have a lot either! The only thing I can think of noting is that I tried some Paw Patrol mac n cheese. Either the two or so brands I’ve tried weren’t that good or I just don’t like mac n cheese! Who knows? I’m probably gonna try Kidfresh’s mac n cheese if I can actually find it irl and if I don’t like it, I think we can safely conclude that I just don’t like mac n cheese.

October was a v nice month as semi-usual the past couple years! I finally got some Kidfresh food to try out. I like their super-blastin’ triple cheese pizza bites a lot! I don’t like their chicken meatballs, though. I have quite a bit of foods I wanna try from Kidfresh next and I can’t quite decide which, but I’ll probably try their cheese pizza or chicken nuggets or maybe their fish sticks next!

I also went trick-or-treating for Halloween! it was super fun, except when Kai got upset about being treated Not So Great by others (Example: People loved to give kiddos multiple pieces of candy and just give her one piece when her turn came, despite having lots of candy for everyone... Can confirm this myself) and when I used my IPad to say trick-or-treat for the first time there, I was greeted by the lady turning away from me, apparently no longer paying attention to me, and beginning to go on about “kids playing on their phones and tablets”... How’s that for hurtful? Last time I checked, Halloween was for everyone, no matter how they say trick-or-treat.

In case anyone’s wondering, I’m going trick-or-treating again next year and have no plans to stop ever cause I’m stubborn. :3c I’m just going to find a place that will be cool with people “too old to be trick-or-treating” trick-or-treating to take my trick-or-treating business-- and hey, maybe I won’t have to encounter any ableism there!

November has nothing I can note besides me getting a new pair of overalls! This was not only useful seeing as I might be getting close to outgrowing my first pair I got a few years back, but also welcome! It’s nice having overalls that are blue instead of some green country print thing all over.

December was... an adventure! I slowly began regaining my mouth words, which means that I can babble again (A lot of the sounds I make while babbling are apparently inaccessible to me when I’m nonverbal as I’ve discovered)! It’s nice being able to babble to myself again when I’m very small instead of just staying silent and occasionally giggling, squealing, and perhaps vocal stimming in the way I’m able to when I’m nonverbal.

At Walmart, while shopping for some fellow kiddo friends (y’all know who y’all are, hee hee hee~), I ended up picking up some small stuff for myself! I got another Paw Patrol plate, a set of bath toys, and a doggie and piggy rattle! I’ve posted a piccy of the plate already, but not everything else! Guess that’s some of the stuff I need to do for next year~

Christmas was great! I got lots of toys! I also got quite a bit of Paw Patrol merch! I love my new toys so much. I’m especially glad that I finally have more blocks to play with, and another Mr. Potato Head I can make super great creations with, like monsters n aliens disguised as a repairman!

Oh! I also got a Fisher-Price record player toy after wanting it for so long! I love it soooo much!! Whenever I play with it, I get so flappy n clappy n wiggly n vocal stimmy... I just have so much love for it! It’s definitely one of my favorite toys to play with right now.

I also got a 3D model of the solar system that I’m gonna build n hang up in my room sometime soon! I actually had a 3D model of the solar system in one of my kiddo room fantasies for the longest time omg. Oooh, if I can find a way to get rid of the popcorn ceiling (never put glow-in-the-dark stuff on a popcorn ceiling), I bet it would go so good with another glow-in-the-dark star set that also includes a big 3D moon and 6 meteorite stones! Y’all, my room just gets cuter and more kiddie-like as time goes on...

As we can all see, I’ve had quite the year! It’s had its good and bad parts of course, and I’d say overall, it was a pretty good year! Hmm, you know what? I should list some people who have played a role in making this year Great!

Mommy - Mama, I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for all you’ve done for me. The past year you’ve taken me to therapy appointments, held me and bottlefed me, and helped me finally get occupational therapy after wanting to go for 3 years. You’re such a beautiful person, inside and out. You love me for who I am, and I love you for who you are right back <3

Daddy - I didn’t list you last year, but to be honest, I think I should this year! You’re trying your best and I can appreciate that. From taking me to therapy appointments, to being okay with me using bottles and sippy cups, to getting me that Paw Patrol nightlight back in May if I’m correct, you’ve done a lot for me. You’re a good dad. I need to tell you that more often. I love you Daddy.

Kai - You’re such a good sister I can’t even begin-- You’re just? so accepting of me??? and you’re such a good person???? I’m love you????? Seriously, thank you for being there for me pretty much all our lives and taking care of me whenever I needed it, especially early this year during my depressive episode. Love ya sis <3

Kim - I, umm... I love you!! You’re so sweet, gentle, and you’re so accepting of my age regression (or as you call it, “identifying as a 7-year-old”). I had lots of fun browsing the toy aisle with you that one time! I’ve miss you lots since you decided to stay in Texas back in October, but hey, at least you’ll visit us sometimes! And you’ve got a nice man I actually like to live your life with. Love ya sissy <3

Ray - You’re super cool and adorable~ (Random fun fact: I tend to think of you whenever I read- or hear- the word “Ray”) Also, I still love that mood board ya made me back in 2017. I’m never gonna get over it! Hope you’re doing alright, buddy <3

Cass - It’s been even longer since we talked! You haven’t been on Tumblr in a while it seems, actually. I hope you’re doing okay and that you’re just busy (in a good way, preferably) and that’s why you haven’t been online! You’re so cute and sweet. Whenever I can, you know what I’m gonna do? Take a picture of my bumblebee plushie and send it to you, just for you <3

Leah - Oh goodness, you’re someone else who I haven’t talked to in a while, as well as who seems to not have been as active as of late. I hope you’re doing okay! I can’t thank you enough for the times you checked on me when I wasn’t okay. You are... so sweet I literally can’t

Meena - You are literally... so cute! You’re super sweet, too! I always have lots n lots of fun whenever we video-chat n talk together! You n Iku are actually the first people whom I met on Tumblr I’ve gotten to video-chat with! Also, your cats are so pure n good I can’t. Please pet them for me if you can! (I love both you and Iku so much)

All my followers - Whether or not we’ve talked before, I love and appreciate all of my followers! According to my Totally Professional Research(tm), I have discovered a link between my followers and cuteness! I have lots of love for each and every one of y’all. Thanks for following me~

2018 has proven to be quite the adventure full of different discoveries, like that I’m very good at horse-riding, that I can spend at least an hour playing with my rattles and other baby toys if I want to, that I apparently have IBS... It’s been quite the ride!

This year has also proven to be the year of growth for me. I’m beginning to stand up for myself and my needs more often, I’ve become more proud of who I am, and each day that passes, I love myself more and continue to become less afraid to be who I truly am.

I can’t wait to see what next year will bring, and what kind of person I’ll become as time goes on. I’m sure my evolution of who I am as a person isn’t quite finished yet. Whatever I become, it’s bound to be wonderful. And most importantly, I get to enter next year with each and every one of y’all.

From my plushies, plush rattles, and I, happy, happy new year! May you learn to love yourself if you haven’t quite yet, your babas/sippies/kiddo cups always remain full of your favorite kiddo drink, and you always have lots of your favorite kiddy/baby things, whether it’s toys, diapies, binkies, or baby food n toddler snacks!

As always, remember to stay little/tiny/small.

#Chloe babbles #Mmph... wanna list sooo many people bu is already New Year's Eve n I forgot to return to workin on this til yesterday #Remember last year when I warned y'all about The Longest Post In The World? That post is nothing compared to this one #No seriously. My computer actually froze twice while I was writing this one. Not kidding #So if you decide you wanna read this be prepared for lots of lag n stuff hee hee hee #Just like last year this'll be my last post on here for the rest of the year. I'll see y'all next year~! (Aka tomorrow hee hee hee)

5 notes · View notes

destressjournal · 4 years

Text

Ranking all (109?) DCOMS

Yes! It will be a challenge but I already ranked all 58 Disney animated movies, and once I complete more rankings, maybe I’ll start a blog/podcast about that. Who knows.

The easy part about ranking the Disney films was that each film was unique. The Disney channel films....many of them are pretty similar so I have to remember what each film was about. And this blog can be my way of writing those thoughts down!

So here are my rankings for the 10 first ever Disney channel films!

10. You Lucky Dog

I never heard of this film before i decided to watch all of these in order. And I think there’s a reason. It’s fucking weird. Someone must have been high or something when coming up for the premise of this movie. Like I thought it was supposed to be a movie like Beethoven or Air Bud, just a cute little dog movie about a wacky dog that turns a family up-side down. But no, it’s a dog...therapist??? That had the ability to channel a dog’s mind when he was 14, yet built an entire business based on that ability that he LOST and never got back....and people bought into it??? It’s just the weirdest movie and I really didn’t enjoy a grown man acting and talking like a dog throughout like half the movie. It was weird. I liked the dog. But the rest I didn’t like.

9. Genius

This movie was also weird....but it was better than You Lucky Dog. The logic and the plot points of the story just didn’t line up for me, and the main character was extremely cringey. I had to pause every 10-15 minutes because I literally couldn’t take it. His acting was great! But the lines he was given aren’t good. The story is also really weird, like he was lying about his identity, enrolled himself in middle school while being a college student, faking an entire personality and purposely failed most of his classes, tried everything he could to be in two places at once throughout the whole movie, almost killed everyone in the ice rink due to his negligence of his machine, all to impress some girl. None of the characters I thought were believable, not because of their acting but because of the dialogue and the story, it just doesnt make any sense. But at least it’s about a kid genius and NOT a dog therapist, lol.

8. Brink!

When I first saw this movie I thought it was fine, and then I sat with it for a bit and it got further down my list. There are parts of the story that don’t make sense to me, like don’t you have to compete in the invitational to compete in the championship? Cuz the main characters didn’t even show up and they’re still able to enroll their team in the finals?? And it’s supposed to be a national event of the best teams in the country, and these kids literally just stroll in out of nowhere with their dinky dog groomer shirts, can just sign up, and then beat all the professional sponsored teams?? So yeah, this movie loses points because the logic doesn’t line up. But I think the lesson is good, that who you are is different than what you do, and that your value shouldn’t be determined by how productive you are at something. The execution of that lesson is a little iffy though.

7. Under Wraps

The first ever DCOM and it shows. DCOMs will never be like this ever again! It was more mature and dark than anything we have today on Disney channel. That alone gives it some points. However, as a movie, it’s missing the connection you make with the characters. I just personally didn’t think any of them were interesting. The mummy was cute and funny at times, but sometimes the slapstick jokes and gags were a little over the top. Also, I just kept hearing Patrick from spongebob every time the mummy made any noise, and that ruined it a little for me. I know it’s the same voice actor lol. But I do like the touch that the main character’s mom’s bf are the same actor, making the connection between them a little easier. And at least the logic (pretty much) lined up for this movie. I might watch every Halloween, we’ll see.

6. Can of Worms

This movie was only SLIGHTLY better than Under Wraps. And that’s only because I felt a good connection with the main character, Mike. You can tell because I actually remembered his name. He’s a relatable character to me and his acting was very good. I have personally met people that talk and act exactly like Mike, and I honestly think his character represents someone on the autism spectrum very well (I’m autistic too so don’t get mad at me stereotyping). I’m not saying he represents everybody, or even me, just that I’ve met people like him before. His desire to fit in and be normal, and then later his desire to get off earth, was I think the most powerful part of the movie. He truly believed he was an alien from outer space because it made more sense in his mind than believing he was just different, because there was no possible way he could be the same species if everything he says and does is considered “weird”. I related SO hard to this, because it’s exactly what being autistic can be like. I was really into the first half of the movie, and then....the second half with the aliens was just dumb. It became a generic alien monster movie, with some tiny good parts sprinkled in. But the ending just didn’t make sense....mike still plays football at the end even though he’s not good and doesn’t like it....? Like he’s still trying to force it because he thinks “this is where he belongs”. Like you could have easily showed him building robots with new friends in robotics club (something that he’s good at and likes) and then hanging out with the rest of his friends after to send that message home. That you can usually find a place where you belong. So anyway, this movie is stuck in the middle for me.

5. Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

Now we’re gonna get into the more popular ones. I think I would have enjoyed this so much more as a kid, but I didn’t grow up with it. This was my first ever viewing. The movie itself is pretty good, and it’s so interesting to see what people in the late 90’s thought about what the future would be like. Flying cars, computers you can hold in your hand, taking commercial flights to space, etc. but it was all still based on 90’s technology at the same time, it was really interesting. The biggest aspect of the movie that makes it lose points for me, is Zenon as a character. I like her, don’t get me wrong! But she hardly changes throughout the movie. Yes she learns to like earth but then at the end of the movie she’s happy to be back in space and that’s it. Now, I haven’t seen the sequels yet, but JUST based on this movie alone, I think it would have been more valuable to show her traveling back and forth, or say “Hey Greg, wanna see each other next week?” Just something to show that she likes earth now. But even then, that’s the only aspect of her that changed. All the antics she got in were justifiable, she was right the whole time. It was on everyone else to change to see her perspective. And I just don’t like when movies do this. I need characters to have reasonable flaws and learn to either accept them or change them depending on the situation. Also, this is just a little nit pick, but WOW that song at the end was so bad yet it’s STILL stuck in my head...they call this a rock and roll song yet I didn’t hear any guitar or bass. Even the drums were just kicks and pops made on the computer, that doesn’t sound like what an actual drum sounds like...It’s just a pop song. Call it for what it is people! The lyrics were good tho.

4. Halloweentown

I’ll probably get some hate for putting this at number 4, but when I was watching another review on a YouTube channel, they pointed out how annoying Marnie was, and now I see it. She’s not unbearably annoying, but enough to be like “wow, this kid is a bit of a brat. I would never talk to my mom like that.” On one hand, I see how she matured throughout the movie, so I think it makes sense for her to be a little obnoxious and naive, she’s just a kid. On the other hand, you’re supposed to like your main character and root for them, which doesn’t help if you think they’re a brat. I didn’t grow up with this movie either, so maybe that’s why I didnt immediately put it as number 1, cuz there’s no nostalgia factor. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. It’s still a good movie that I will watch every halloween! I liked the characters and the story, and things seemed to flow together pretty well. The only reason it lost points for me, were the over-the-top gags. I get it, the movie is made for kids, and I always keep that in mind when I watch these, but sometimes it gets a little too silly for a movie about a dark overlord who wants to get rid of humans. Idk. Still like it though!

3. The Thirteenth Year

Okay, I admit it. This one is a guilty pleasure for me. I’m sorry. I feel like Halloweentown should be at 3 and this one at 4 if I want to be truly objective, but I have too many nostalgia feels for this movie. And I like that the tone is more serious and there aren’t any silly over-the-top gags. But that doesn’t mean this movie is perfect, it’s at number 3 for a reason. The last few times I watched this were when I was a kid in the early 2000’s, so as a kid I loved this movie. And I was also obsessed with mermaids and I wanted to be one so bad. This movie kind of fulfilled this dream for me, and other movies like Aquamarine and The Little mermaid. But anyway, after watching this as an adult, it doesn’t exactly hold up. Sam is kind of an annoying character who doesn’t add much to the movie. She’s just the popular girl, and another reason for Cody to stay with the popular crowd. She gives him a picture of herself as a birthday gift...? I think it would be an okay anniversary gift for adults who are dating, not kids. It just rubs me the wrong way. Also, the kid who plays Cody is not a very good actor...he’s just okay. Everything else about the movie, still love!!

2. Smart House

I grew up with this one too, and again, they try to imagine what a futuristic house would look like in the 90’s. And half that stuff actually came true with things like Siri and alexa, which is pretty neat to see almost 30 years after this movie came out. Still what kid wouldn’t want to have a giant screen on their wall showing something like a music video, the beach, or a basketball game. Every kid wanted to live in that smart house back then. The movie still holds up pretty well today, not because of the technology but because of the message and the characters. All of the actors and actresses were wonderful! The story is so sad but believable. I’ve never gone through a parent death, but I’ve had friends that have, and it’s such a weird dynamic when the other parent starts dating for the first time after. I can’t imagine what effect that can have on a young child. At least when my friends went through it they were at least in high school, if not, college. So they had a bit more understanding/maturity about it. But yeah, the kid who plays Ben rocked his part. Some tiny nitpicks include the house itself being somewhat outdated now, and the side characters presence in the film. They don’t have much significance, idk. The movie really tugs at your emotions, and is definitely the movie that got me closest to crying so far.

1. Johnny Tsunami

This was my first viewing, as I didn’t grow up with this one either. Compared to Smart House, which is honestly just an emotional roller coaster, this is just a good movie imo. It was more epic, it had more diversity, great acting, and a plot that made sense thematically. There wasn’t over-the-top slapstick gags, and I think it teaches good lessons about life. I honestly thought the grandpa was gonna die because that’s usually what happens to old wise mentors, but I’m glad it stayed away from that trope and actually brought him back for the end of the movie. I thought that was an interesting touch. Basically, while I was watching these I was thinking “okay this can be done better” “I don’t like this” “this feels too forced”, but with this one, I was just watching a movie most of the time. I honestly don’t know how it could be much better. It’s still not the best Disney channel movie ever (I’m guessing), and it still has some flaws. For example, the girl character was being such a flip flop throughout the whole movie and was being a little too mean to Johnny. Another tiny nitpick is when johnny’s parents are like “yeah we’re moving to Vermont” I was expecting a little more pushback from Johnny but he’s like “awww okay” and idk what to think about it because it could be considered out of character. Otherwise, this is a great unique movie that I will definitely rewatch in the future.

For every movie that I watch, I’m going to review it separately and that’s how I’ll keep track of my thoughts as I go through each film. But this is where I stand for the first 10 DCOMs. Unlike the Disney animated classics, I don’t know what my number one film is. Right now it’s Johnny Tsunami but that is definitely going to change. I can’t wait to see what my personal favorite will be! It may come down to several.

1 note · View note

almaasi · 8 years

Text

reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x12 “Stuck In The Middle (With You)”

well THIS is some delightfully interesting bullshit right here

06:43

frankly i am not ready and i don’t think i will ever be ready

i saw some shit on instagram and i went from being “scared but interested” to HYPED and now i’m scared again

i just want cas to come out of this okay

like that’s what i’m here for, just cas being alive and loved (by dean. but also sam and mary)

06:48

*DEEP BREATHS*

06:50

mr ketch is definitely cute, in a murderous stephen fry kind of way

06:52

cas: “cheese isn’t a carbohydrate”

i guess cas read up on the ketchup vs vegetables debate

give me a nutritionist!cas au stat

06:54

cas: “sunrise special please”

CAS IS SUNSHINE

also flustered under mandy’s attention BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND

RIGHT

RIGHT???

06:55

guess sam’s magic wifi hair doesn’t work any more

06:56

what i have learned here is that dean is turned on by the smell of food

give me cas bathing himself in strawberry syrup before bed

06:57

obviously there’s something else going on but right now it kind of looks like mary’s uncomfortable with either a) using mandy as part of a plan, or b) dean instructing his boyfriend to go flirt with someone else

edit: probably more like uncomfortable that they’re trying to make cas flirt and not focusing on the issue at hand

06:59

CAS SNIFFING PEOPLE

OH GOD CAS YOU’RE SO INAPPROPRIATE AND SO UNAWARE OF IT

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

sidenote, cas was the only one who didn’t get screentime when mary asked if everyone understood the plan

07:01

DEAN: “MY SHY BUT DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME FRIEND”

OKAY THAT’S CANON

GUYS THAT JUST HAPPENED DEAN JUST DESCRIBED CAS AS DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME

CONTEXT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE THOSE WORDS CAME OUT OF DEAN’S MOUTH

07:03

dean: “when do you get off?”

mandy: “whenever i can”

woooowwwww go mandy

also i’m so concerned for cas right now DID HE CONSENT TO BEING USED AS A HONEY TRAP I DON’T THINK SO

HE HASN’T SAID A WORD ON THIS

edit: mandy wasn’t even part of the plan ?? i’m ????

07:05

DID I JUST SEE A BLACK GUY DIE FIRST

///SQUINTS REALLY HARD

07:06

and then a white guy BUT THEN THE (asian? native american?) LADY

AAAND WE’RE BACK TO ZERO REPRESENTATION

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

ARE THEY ACTUALLY KIDDING LIKE

DO THEY EVEN SEE THE ISSUE

DOES ANYONE MAKING THIS SHOW EVEN REALISE WHAT THEY’RE DOING

fuck

y’know i’m just gonna have to let this go right now because i can’t even comprehend how ferociously problematic this show is

i just wanna enjoy it for my fave characters and i can’t do that unless i bundle the problems into a box and forget about them for now

07:09

still thinking about it though

this is trump’s america, where problematic bad things happen so often and with zero time to process that you just get to the point where it’s like “oh great another social apocalypse, must be thursday”

07:12

“the wounded angel” // “earlier”

i feel like i’ve watched a movie like this (certainly a lot of tv show episodes clearly all based on the same source material)

pulp fiction or something idk

something bizarre and character-action-driven that doesn’t make a lot of sense until the end

07:14

AW MAN THAT SLOW MOTION WALKING SHOT IS GONNA MAKE A REALLY GOOD GIF

THANK YOU GABRIEL RICHARD SPEIGHT JR

07:20

IS THAT YELLOW EYES

WHAT

WHAT WHAT WHAT

07:21

nOOOOOO CAS

NOBODY HARPOONS MY BABY AND LIVES

except dean, who stabbed him first, married him later

07:21

YYYEEEEEEE MARY SAVING CAS WITH THE CAR

07:23

and while mary and sam are talking about yellow-eyes, dean is smothering cas in kisses and magic healing tears, yes? yes

07:26

WOW WAS THAT FLIRTY LOOK DEAN GAVE DIRECTED AT CAS

I THINK SO

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE THO

07:26

i watched that bit again I THINK DEAN WAS SIGNALLING TO CAS THAT MANDY’S RESPONSE WAS A POSITIVE THING

aaaah the people who subtly and automatically support autistic friends are the best

also why is dean so determined to get cas to like other people?? CAN’T YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT CAS IS ALL YOURS AND WILL FOREVER BE YOURS