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dojolarusso · 3 years

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daniel larusso's outfits megapost

hello, loves! i'm just gonna go through the movies and make a few comments on all of daniel's outfits. give or take a few that i may have missed, but i tried to get them all. they will also (mostly) be in chronological order.

so here goes. if you wanna read my ramblings, look under the cut!

okay, here goes. the first time we see our daniel. not my fave. but when i first watched thses movies, i was instantly attracted to him lmao. he was my first celeb crush at like age 12/13 and he still is as a 59 year old man now..

the beach wear is nice but not one of my favourites.

v cute when he adds the red hoodie though. definitely his colour

this look is one of my favourites, vvvv nice and he does actually look really cool. the red checkers are real nice - i am very much a fan of anything plaid/checkered/flannel, so i always love it on him. i would wear this for sure, glasses included

his gym wear, we see twice.. another fan favourite, i believe. i prefer it without the jacket though

probably my least favourite out of the movies. not a fan of the orange, daniel

the yellow shirt was really nice, he looks very good in this with his very pretty bruise too. we only get to see this outfit for like a minute though :(

the red jacket - very very nice. he is stunning in this scene

this one always has a lot of different opinions. personally, i really like it and it's one of my favourite outfits of his. he makes the colliding patterns work, right? and the whump adds to the look. he wears the same pants when he's trimming his bonsai tree with miyagi too.

this is another one of my faves but we see it for literally 4/5 seconds because he's trying to avoid ali. it's vvv cute.

he usually wears his flannel buttoned up, but here, he wears it open and i get writer or artist vibes from him here too

another fave.

look at himmmmm. or...... it. lmao

hi beautiful boy

okay, and this scene after the fight, wearing the same shirt and looking so so comfy and cosy (despite the whump). i just wanna cuddle him so bad in this scene

guess what? another favourite outfit.. in fact, the rest of the outfits from part 1 are in my favourites. he looks v good. the blue and white checks are one of the best ones he wears.

this little moment where miyagi puts on the headband... doesn't it feel like some very monumental moment? like when someone in your family passes down a watch or piece of jewelry, or just any kind of item with meaning. it feels special and it's very nice too. the fact that this scene was improvised by pat oo, and then the headband became a statement.. amazing. also, i was curious about the pattern, and looked some stuff up, so if you didn't already know - it's a japanese hand towel or handkerchief, called a 'tenugui'. they are usually used to dry hands, sweat, etc (never for blowing your nose though), but they can also be used to wrap things, to give gifts, as belts etc. so hopefully that's something new for some of you to learn today. also! how sweet that ralph still has one of them!!

okay, enough on that.. the next one.. the green/navy kinda flannel, also very nice on him! the whump!!!

the date night outfit is basically and example of how i dress whenever i'm not working or living in hoodies. very lush

this could be my top favourite if there wasn’t so many. the headband around his neck, the plaid, the smiles, the background... it all adds up and it’s stunningly gorg

this one is like, probably one of the most popular, no? it's like one of the first pictures you see if you search daniel larusso on anything. he looks angelic

this one is pretty too! it's like he knew he would be painting or something because the outfit sort of gives off artist vibes again

these are probably the same shorts that he wore to the beach party, right? listen, he was the same age here, that i am now and just, like... turn around, daniel, pls :)

okay, fine..

look at that background.. so pretty.. and so is the main subject :)

his birthday outfit is him in a sweater, so of course, i love it very much. the hat just makes it that much more adorable too

then he tries on the gi for the first time.. gorgeous

this jacket is really nice.. one of my top faves! i would probably buy a jacket like this

the plaid he wears just before the tournament.. pretty pretty

the gi!! it's very hard to pick an all time favourite, but this is very close to being it. idk what it is but i just really enjoy him in it.

and the patch is really really cool

first outfit of part 2... a top fave. another outfit that is pretty much an example of what i wear a lot

not a fan, not a fan. the colour of his prom suit is nice, but it's not his best look

it looks slightly better without the jacket though

not a fan of this striped shirt either

it seems like part 1 was a lot of plaid/flannel and part 2 is a lot of stripes.

he wears this shirt a few times throughout this movie..

the pink shirt is quite cute, and he's a lil cutie during this scene meeting yukie

this scene is very sad, but the outfit is very good. wish we'd seen this at some other point

one of everyone's favourites. yesyesyes. very, very nice.

damn, he looks good. the peaking shoulder and the shirt blowing in the wind. yesyesyes. very, very nice.

just... yes.

he wears that tank top again a little later too!

more stripes, very cute

i've realised that a lot of you love red on him and i happen to very much agree.

gorgeous

then here's the shirt that kumiko gifts to him. also, very very nice

the pink checkered shirt - he wears this for the cermony, then through the storm, up until this moment.. again, it's another that i really like

bet you've been waiting for this one, huh?

or maybe you scrolled down to it because you wanted to see what i would say.. hm? haha

it's actually shiny just so nice. the bonsai is so cool too. and it matches with miyagi's grey version

anyways, if he didn't have so so so many good outfits then this would be my all time favourite. he is radiant. the little bonsais on the front are so sweet!!! ugh, i just love bonsai trees too, i guess

this is like the only full shot of it, unless you use something from the actual fight

had to include this glorious, perfect smile and moment. ugh, just look at him.. stare at it for a moment and enjoy his beauty and the very nicely done whump goodness

okay, you done staring? good, because we're onto the final movie... part 3

these three shirts are some of the few that i like in part 3. the blue is cool

the yellow is nice

the red is pretty

this puffy jacket appears a lot in this part, and i don't really like it

this shirt is one that miyagi gifted to him, very nice.. and i think it's actually very similar to one that miyagi wears in the first movie too

the sweaters. oh, the sweaters. he looks so good in them. this grey one with the red pants.. gorgeous

such a pretty man

he just looks so comfy and cuddly, pls

ugh, precious angel

i can't decide if i like the grey or dark blue one more, but they are both really nice and two of my favourite colours which is part of the reason why

come and cuddle me, pls

this has to be the same outfit he worse while running with jessica, only with the joggers rolled up a little.. v cute

this was a nice outfit! despite the heartbreaking moment that comes right after. i think he really suits red.. and blue

this jacket, he wears it a few times with different shirts. i actually love this one. it has like a plaid/check inlay which is really cool - i want it.

i prefer it like this though, with the collared shirt and sweater

and finally, we have the gi again. a classic, one of his best best looks ever.

if you would like to use these screencaps, please feel free, but just tag me somewhere because it truly tok a long time to get them all/edit/sort etc :)

#courtney's ramblings #tkk #tkk2 #tkk3 #the karate kid (1984)#the karate kid part ii #the karate kid part iii #daniel larusso #ralph macchio #outfits #fashion #daniel's outfits #my screencaps

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jade-marie · 3 years

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Rio Flashbacks/Backstory Thoughts

Flashaback 1

Baby Rio was lefthanded, adult Rio is not. Also, WHY DOES NO ONE ADDRESS HIM BY NAME. FUCK MEEEEE. THEY LITERALLY GO SO FAR OUT OF THEIR WAY TO AVOID IT AND I HATE THEM.

The rotten eggs thing was soooo on the nose, it's super lazy and a really weird thing to translate into crime. Like he adopts a mentality of killing people before they cause problems because of grandma baking cookies? Ok.

So brother-cousin disagreements are a lifelong thing, I would've liked to know... why? Anyway, Nick is the rotten egg of the bunch, already gathered that, and Rio is a good egg, also not news. I've called him a good egg before. I assume the thing about learning to draw eyes is about Rio learning from Nick and manipulating people to further his own agenda, I guess we shall see if he's successful.

I feel like this didn't really fill in many blanks. Like grandma raised them as brothers but when did this start? Why did it happen? Where are their parents? Why does Rio not accept Nick as his brother at this young age? I could understand if it was later, after he got out of prison, that he effectively demoted Nick from brother to cousin. But like - this was so odd.

Flashback 2

Really not vibing with Marcel. He's not a bad actor or anything, he's just not Rio. I'm glad this is a one and done flashback episode tbh. The half-on-half-off hoodie thing and 'champ' - goddd why are these flashbacks so on the nose? Like, it's genuinely cheap and lazy. I expected them to be trash but this literally confirms how they feel about who and what Rio is. They reduce him to these random little quirks but there's no substance.

So Nick has been playing the game from day 1, exchanging favours with powerful white guys to get ahead etc. Not at all surprising.

Flashback 3

Rio is a little country club Robin Hood. Stealing from the rich white men to get grandma a new oven but like... why? He's got his whole future ahead of him and there was no indication that they were in deep financial struggles. He could've got a second job or something to achieve the same thing. They didn't really show his true motivation for crime or whether the wallet he emptied was a one-off or if he'd been doing it for a while and this was the one time he got caught.

Flashback 4

Fuck Nick. He can choke. And die. How is grandma ok with him ratting out his brother cousin? Especially when Rio was her golden boy???

Flashback 5

This is confirmation that Eddie must be alive because Rio can't handle rotten eggs for shit and snitches do not get stitches or end up in ditches. Nick the Nark needs to get fucked. I would like Rio to shoot him in the face. See how smug he looks then.

Anyhoo. Rio got 6 months for petty theft with no priors? Seems a bit excessive. But even then, why would he still work with Nick? He did 6 months not 6 years and he suddenly got a whole new personality? LOL. And the bird is definitely not a prison tattoo. Give the fuck over.

I really don't get the rationale that Rio would go to work with Nick, who cost him his entire future and allow Nick to maintain this ‘man of the people’ image, while he's the criminal. I can understand him pursuing things alone because he feels like he's got no choice after being robbed of every other opportunity. But the only one who truly benefits from this endeavour is Nick. Rio wasn't motivated by money, he was trying to help his grandma. So why would 6 months in prison turn him from that into the Rio we know today? He went from petty theft to racketeering and murder but they've given us no real indication as to why.

Also, the level of overacting was painful. Like Rio got out of prison and suddenly his voice drops etc? It felt really forced and Marcel tried too hard with the accent on "who do I need?" but again, I think this boils down to how little consideration the human aspects of Rio's character are given by the writers. Rio is Manny. Everything we love about him comes from Manny and this episode confirmed it.

Overall Backstory

So basically Nick the Nark is a slippery fucking bastard who manipulates Rio to serve his own agenda. He wants to get down in the dirt but he wants to keep his hands clean, offering Rio up as a fall guy instead. Sound familiar? The whole conversation in the car between Rio and Nick about adding this favour to the list just made me sad for him. Not only did Nick steal his life, but he's also now holding favours over his head as a means to control him? Tbh that doesn't line up with anything we've seen of Rio in previous seasons and the fact they're related makes it suckier. Also, the whole "put your seatbelt on. Are you hungry?" part was kinda infantilising, again making it feel like Rio is just Nick's broken, beaten little attack dog.

Presumably, Rio intends to use Nick's own strategies against him and maybe use the Secret Service to exact his revenge... Idk. It was all very lazy and stupid.

I find it very telling that we learned 100000x more about Nick than we did Rio, and it was supposed to be his episode. Typical

#good girls nbc #rio good girls #nbc good girls #gg season 4

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judesstfrancis · 4 years

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so I was late to asking u things and I don't want u to have to repeat yourself so answer all the questions in the thing that you haven't already answered thank u 😌

the way I had to pull out my laptop to answer these bc I couldn’t keep them straight on my phone clipboard................ fdskjfsdkj I think I’m gonna put most of these under a read more so they don’t take up too much dash space. thank u!! <3

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

honestly I’m great! it is currently almost 2 in the morning but my day was nice, I got some new clothes, did my laundry, made a good dinner...good vibes all around, loving it for me rn

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of!

I haven’t really listened to a lot of new music lately dkfjskj I think the most recent new artist I started listening to was orville peck?? but that was back in like february

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

uhh when I’m at home. yes I’m a homebody <3

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home?

truly it’s with the thots I just feel so at ease

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend.

it’s just easy, u know? like no matter what we’re doing, even if we’re just vibing on our own together, it’s nice. I can tell them absolutely anything and it’s not weird and I don’t have to force it out at all

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

ok first I always see if any of my friends are busy fkdjsfkj and if they aren’t I see if they wanna just chill or w/e but otherwise just like. turning some music up and sitting in my room with a book/a couple movies I love is ideal for me on a day off. I am very simple I just like to chill

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

yes! there are two whole people in this world that I spill absolutely everything to bc I trust them with my life and esp when I’m sad bc they always make me feel better. talking to them when I’m having A Day is like I vent and instantly I am normal again. they know who they are I’m sure but for transparency’s sake, it’s u (robin) and maya, no one else gets to unlock my tragic backstories <3

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings?

relaxing evenings!

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything?

actually I am currently rewatching cycles 1 through 22 of america’s next top model, I’m on like cycle 5 rn I think. having the time of my life, thanks for asking

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)?

I am very much more into creative endeavors, like work-wise, but I feel like the way I think about things is much more analytical. like I prefer Making things, writing or various crafts or what have u, but even when I create I think about the things I’m doing like analytically?? so ig left-brained

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it?

boy with squirrel by john singleton copley. I love him

english red; what animal do you relate to most?

interesting question! I have no idea. maybe birds? like a finch, maybe. they seem like they have fun

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other?

this one is hard for me to answer bc like. I truly have no idea what a “type” is idk if that’s an ace thing or what. no? maybe? all the people I’ve had crushes on have been vastly different, in terms of like physical looks so probably not actually. I’m not attracted to muscular people tho bc I don’t think they have feelings <3

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like?

once again I have never pictured a date. I just want to hold hands! I think for the ideal first date question I said it just had to be going somewhere where we could Do things together, like walking around a museum or going through shops downtown or something, and that does still apply here, but for the sake of shaking it up, uhh...idk maybe staying in and watching a movie. like not at a theater no one needs to know my business like that but like. at a House. whoever’s, I’m not picky, again ideally I just want to hold hands.

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date?

yes. literally if the first thing u do is kiss me I am okay with it. I’m 23 someone just take the shot and kiss me already I’m going crazy over here

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

really looking forward to the holidays personally I got everyone some really good gifts this year and I can’t wait to hand them out. also my copy of 13 storeys is supposed to finally ship out this week, for real this time! so that’s exciting too

violet rose; what does your dream house look like?

u know that idealized house with the yellow paint and the white trim? yes. just small and cute and homey

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down?

I guess not?? I’d like to be somewhere near my mom bc she’s important to me but like. as long as I’m living with someone I love it doesn’t really matter where I don’t think

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down?

uh. settling down to me equates to like falling in love and living together so honestly that could happen any time. I need to get a job before we live together so I can like Help Out but like. really any time

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

I have not been to a lot of places! I’ve been to new york, and san diego, and like. phoenix outside of where I live so. actually if I can include like buildings in places I would like to say that one opera house I went to in new york. I learned I wasn’t a fan of operas BUT I also learned those chandeliers were cool as hell

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

I’m usually in a good mood, I think? my baseline mood is genuinely just like. happy/chill, pero I think the last time I felt Euphoria (tm) was a couple days ago when my mom and I made a really nice dinner together and my brother was there and we just played board games all night

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

I have this recurring habit of waking up from dreams but only barely so when I fall back asleep it feels like I just woke up within the dream? anyway the last one was like that but in one of the times I ‘woke up’ I looked out the window and instead of outside there was like this. static photo of buffalo grazing in open fields?? and it was like green screened kinda, so when I move the image moved with my line of sight it was weird. that’s how I knew it was a dream and woke myself up again, only to immediately fall back asleep and feel like I was waking up from a dream within a dream again

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each?

I think living with friends would be cool. like I want to have a significant other I live with but also if we lived with other friends that would be fun. kids, maybe! would be something I’d have to discuss with whatever partner I have in the future. if yes to kids, max two. also I don't want babies, preferably I would adopt older children. pets absolutely, however many doesn’t matter. I’m open to just living in a house with the love of my life and like twelve dogs, that’s ok with me

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

I do like my name! I think it’s nice and it feels like it fits me. I don’t think I’d change it ever, but if I did I think maybe I’d go with jude bc yes I do love to project <3

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent?

it’s a tie between suntan lotion and the lumber aisle of any hardware store

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

vanilla rooibos tea supremacy!

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

lots of flowers, first of all. also some kitchen herbs. maybe some fruits!

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog?

yes <3 I want to force people to listen to my pretentious horror opinions and get paid for it

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

look I just have to say it: I’m hot. last night I took a photo and saw my nose from the side and went “omg who IS she” like it’s cute. I’M cute. I’ve seen my ass in the mirror and nothing can top it, sorry

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

all I’m getting is those scenes from horror movies where eerie whistling starts and like birds start going crazy

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

I think so?? I’d like to be more financially secure, pero. I think for the most part yeah I’m alright

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

ireland and greece for sure, ireland is the one I have most planned out in my head. ig maybe england for the third one, just bc I know my mom wants to go and also I’m very bad at geography so I don’t know what counts as a country. I had to look all these up, I do want to visit them tho, genuinely! esp ireland

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn?

the one I’m most fluent in is spanish! and I’m still cracking along at russian, currently I can hold a conversation with like a 4 year old and we can understand each other, it’s pretty cool. I really wanna get into learning irish!! I have a few resources downloaded onto my phone I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

a little life <3 yes I hate it when things are sad just to be sad yes this is my favorite book I contain multitudes

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

the burbs! I’ve seen it so many times but it always hits

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

the day IS over it’s like two thirty am now but uh. drink some water before I sleep probably

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent?

I post the “kirby’s fucking pissed” meme on twitter and then I ask u (robin) if I can yell for like five minutes and then I feel valid and then I am normal again

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic?

it’s a little bit jock and it’s a little bit 1980s skater boy but the best way I can really Describe it is just “gay”

#had a lot of fun answering these personally thank u legend!#asks #a-company-of-heroes #robin

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svtegg · 4 years

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sebongies and the taeyeon songs they remind me of:

seungcheol: gravity. gravity is about finding solace, finding something to hold on to even through the hardest of storms. i firmly believe seungcheol has had to learn this the hard way, and because of this gravity reminds me so much of him. ive also personally found such a warm and safe place in the group he has lead and fronted to where they are today. he will never know how much strength i’ve gained from him, how much he has been the gravity pulling me back down to earth in those especially hard times. the song also has this hopeful and nostalgic feel, which i feels fits him. it sounds sort of like an anthem for us hopeless introverted romantics that find solace in the small gestures of affection and love. just saying i would also die for seungkwan to cover this song.

jeonghan: i am all ears. i feel like jeonghan is definitely seventeens anchor. he grounds them and guides them, in a way much different from how seungcheol does. cheol is their leader, their frontman and main man. jeonghan works the sidelines. he knows all the members inside out, easily knows all the little details about the other 12 boys, what their favorite food is or what snacks they like, what their habits are and what gets them the most frustrated. it’s a silent type of support, almost like a parent or an older sibling or relative. that silent looking out for your friends that’s almost not noticed. just like this song he’s a comforting presence in svt that always offers a hand to hold, a ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on anytime of day or night while still keeping everything lighthearted and honest. this song is actually one of my most beloved songs, the lyrics and the melody is just so comforting and i feel so safe when i listen to it and i feel that’s the kind of feeling jeonghan gives off too..

joshua: 11:11. now this song is probably my all time favorite kpop songs. period. the whole vibe of the song just screams joshua to me. the simple guitar instrumental, the plucking line, the soft percussion in the background and the effortless yet beautiful vocals that softly blends in with all the other elements. it’s a simple and beautiful song, the lyrics reflecting sadness for missing and happiness for experiencing the past, which i feel is such a joshua thing to say.. i might be over analyzing him with this though, and to be honest most of the reason why i chose this song for josh is because i want to hear him sing it, it just fits him so perfectly. a slow, simple and soft track with some sweet guitar and bittersweet lyrics sung in a soft and breathy voice. it’s just so him!!

jun: time lapse. time lapse is easily one of my favorite taeyeon songs. it holds this childish and naive undertone with such serious and beautiful lyrics about growing up and realizing life maybe isn’t what you once thought, yet still seeing the beauty in everything you’ve experienced throughout your life, and despite the hardships and the traumas you’re still able to move forward and try again. i feel like it reflects junhuis personality very well. he’s a very reflective, thoughtful, headstrong, stubborn and smart person, yet he manages to keep this amazing and childish happiness and naiveness to him that i hope he never ever looses.

soonyoung: find me. find me is such a strong song, conveying a message of making your own path, flyging as high as your wings will take you and youll find what youre looking for. it’s a little ambitious, very headstrong and fierce. even though soonyoung may not be precieved as the most fierce or ambitious member, i feel like he’s definitely one of the few in seventeen who has the most self discipline, the most ambitious ideas, the most headstrong mindset and definitely a fierce working ethic. he definitely has his insecurities, as we all do, and this song is almost like a self reassuring anthem telling yourself that no matter what you’ll be fine as long as you keep going forward. which i feel very much reflects him and his values as a person.

wonwoo: city love. i feel like wonwoo is 100% a hopeless romantic at heart. at the same time he’s very simplistic and almost brutally realistic, and i feel like i could definitely connect with him on that..despite this i still imagine that he has this very special ability to see beauty in ordinary everyday objects and things. like the reflections of lights in a puddle or the way the morning fog wraps along the tallest skyscrapers. which is exactly what city love is about. the line; “To me, the things that were meaningless before meeting you, Become new every day” gives me major wonu energy.

jihoon: feel so fine. this song i picked out just because of the lyrics. it’s obviously a beautiful song in itself, but i feel the lyrics hit especially as a song that maybe reflects a bit of the inner conflicts jihoon has endured and learned from. it starts out a little helpless, wondering how you got to this place, what happened, why can’t i be the way i wish i was and then later realizing you’re okay, you’re fine and realizing you’re living in the world you once only dreamed of. i feel especially because of how jihoon opened up about how he felt responsible for seventeens success, he felt accountable for whether or not seventeen would be a hit, if they would make it or not. and now he’s produced a three times platinum, critically acclaimed, award winning, bonsang awarded album. look at you now jihoon, look how high you’re flying. (he also mentioned in hit the road that he no longer feels this obligation and i think that is because of the growth he and the rest for the guys have experienced through these 5 years)

minghao: wine. minghao has this quality about him. he just seems like he’s experienced the world before. he’s an old soul, poetic to an extent yet such a realist. and this song is about loving the memories of a painful love and despite the hardships realizing the beauty of heartbreak. it’s poetically and beautifully heartbreaking, which i feel reflects minghao very well. especially the way taeyeon sings ‘my vintage love’ over and over and the entire feeling in the track..it’s just very minghao. idk how to explain it

mingyu: do you love me. this pick has nothing to do with lyrics, which is kinda funny because this is one of the first kind of cliche love songs on the list i think. the biggest reason why i picked this is because i feel like mingyu would actually enjoy listening to this song, i feel like it’s very mingyu-esque. a soft jazzy ballad with sweet lyrics and gorgeous backup vocals. the lyrics of course coincidentally also convey a message of a newly fallen in love person who hopes the other also feels the same way. which is such a puppylove type song, so much to the point that it makes chills run down my back in excitement. just the feeling you get when you’re newly in love i guess....

seokmin: fire. this may get some of the sonecarats out there confused. because fire is such a heartbreakingly sad song. it’s mostly about a love that’s not good for you. a fire eating you up from the inside and leaving nothing but ash. about feeling alone. but i honestly believe seokmin is one of the boys in seventeen with the most worries, the most internal pushes and pulls. i definitely feel like seokmin is a person who feels his emotions very strongly no matter if they’re happy or sad. i also honestly believe he is his own worst critic, and i wish for nothing else than for him to realize the immense talent and charisma he holds, how much of a fire he is on the outside. how much he shines and how far his warmth reaches. he’s such a star.

vernon: curtain call. this is probably one of taeyeons songs i feel is the most neutral in the feeling it gives me. it has a sort of happy yet sad quality that is kinda hard to come across. i feel like this song is mostly about being okay with how things have turned out, to say goodbye with a smile and remember the good times. and then when we meet again we’ll prepare to smile again. it’s a very calm, reflected and reasonable song which i feel is some of the core personality traits vernon possesses. i don’t think he’s neutral in the sense that he doesn’t feel things, he’s just a person who makes every situation the best it can be, which i think is in all honestly a great way to live.

seungkwan: here i am. this song is so incredibly heartbreaking. it explains the difficulty in showing your true self, masking your real feelings with happiness, smiles and laughs. being afraid of being vulnerable, yet knowing your true raw unfiltered self is just as beautiful and strong as the ideal self you show to everyone. i think seungkwan has definitely had some inner conflict with being labeled the funny one, the mood maker and the jokester of the group. there’s no way that’s not been a chip on his shoulder sometimes, and i think he’s definitely fallen more comfortably now as he’s started to grow to be more secure of himself. i hope he knows just how much carats love every side of him, not just the funny mood maker but also the seungkwan that talks about his mom and cries and the seungkwan that explains his feelings and gets angry and frustrated, the insecure and the tired. everything.

chan: i’m ok. this song is about fighting back, not taking any bullshit. giving back exactly what you got. just ignoring all the people wasting your time and following your dreams and believing in yourself to the fullest. i feel especially this line is full of lee chan energy:

“This ambiguous and lukewarm something. I don’t like playing games of push and pull. No thanks baby”..

it’s also a very sexy and powerful song, i feel like despite this technically being a pop ballad, if jihoon just remixed it slightly and chan maybe wrote a little rap verse for one of the verses it could easily have been a chan solo song, with such a strong and stand-alone type message it fits his personality perfectly. i definitely feel like chan is one of the people in the group who has full awareness of his abilities and how far he can push said abilities. he doesn’t bullshit when it really comes down to it.

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q-u-a-c-k · 4 years

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im just gonna talk. I apologize for feed spam so I'll just talk under the cut

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also I'm sorry for the complete spam I hope you can ignore me well enough, but I just wanted to say that I feel content for the first time in a while. I've been doing shitty lately but too scared to really say anything about it. my brain is constantly urging me to relapse or do something stupidly insanely harmful to myself. but right now the voice is quiet and I'm allowed to think and I like thinking happy things like this. I wish there was a way to have the voices this quiet without doing it this way (unintentionally high, I think there was something in my drink that I didn't put in there). like if anyone actually reads this and knows a way to quiet the voices in my head so I can think, please let me know. I know things like taking time to take care of myself or positivity things, but when the voices are back they dont really let me do that stuff. so if anyone has a quick and effective way of getting them to be quiet please tell me.

anyways I think I already told you two, but I have the potential to be quadruple gay and I think that's pretty cool. So identity crisis time trying to explain it. Although I'm still confused about how two of the parts work together but I'm gonna try to explain it while I can think. So I'm definitely gay and I think probably pan because I honestly have no preference, a pretty person is a pretty person. I believe I'm ace or at least under that umbrella term because ew. I think I might be nonbinary but I've never really outright said I use that label. because I honestly dont know yet but I'm not comfortable with male or female and I just am who I am but dont know what that is. so I'm hoping it's okay to use at least until I figure it out? and now the confusing part, possiblity of aro???? I'm not really sure because I could have just not really found the right (or any) person yet and I dont really want to use a label just because I'm not really sure. but like thinking about romantic stuff like... it's okay?? but that doesnt really sound like my thing. like I'd like to hang out with people and know them better and do things like dates but not with a romantic intention? just to vibe with the person? idk. but it's confusing because I also said I was pan but idk what about me is oen if in possibly under aroace. like I know they're both umbrella terms, but I dont know where under them I am. or where pan fits? idk identy crisis, yay!!

I wanna do a platonic date with someone. Like we can go to the movies or something and go to a park and just get to know each other better but like platonically. I think that just sounds fun. I need to get a job so I can have money to platonically take someone on a date. I've been meaning to look for places or put in applications but I keep forgetting. Which also reminds me, I want a fuckung sword. Imagine how cool that would be!! I have the money for this nice one that I've been looking at for a while, it's a pretty white longsword with a blue gem in the hilt. I want it so bad. but my parents wont let me get it which i think is stupid. like I'm gay and have themoney, let me get my sword >:(

I want an axe, too. it doesnt necessarily have to be a pretty one because I wanna get strong and chop wood with it. I want to be a lumberjack. like not cut down trees that dont need to be cut down, but anything that has fallen already I wanna chop up with an axe then make things out of it!! I like wood working stuff. it sounds like fun. but I would need the right stuff to do that that I dont have right now. like skills.

that is making me think about another life crisis but I dont wanna think about that so I'm gonna try to think of something else like how I cant wait to move out. because they have stuff planned out for me and what they want me to do but I realized I dont wanna do that. and now I'm thinking and vaguely talking about the crisis I dont wanna think about so I'm gonna think about what I actually want to do. I wanna do the plan thing you came up with where you're gonna have your cottage in a small town and we're gonna live hopefully somewhat close to you and we can visit each other a lot and vibe. you're gonna do what you want to do and work in a museum and talk about the things you enjoy.I dont really know what I want yet but I know I wanna live near you so we can hang out and be a lot closer because you're my family and my best friend. I think I wanna have lots of plants. I want to take better care of them than I do now and. have a lot and spend time with them and make sure they're doing well and growing. I like most plants vibes. they're mostly simple but very pretty and calming and looks like what home should feel like. you feel like what home should. like sometimes when the three of us are playing games like minecraft or something and it's getting all competitive and laughing it feels like home and makes me really happy. I'm excited to leave this place and have a real home.

I wanna leave as much of this as I can behind. and since I don't plan on coming out to them soon or possibly even at all, it might actually be easier to leave. because once I do I can go by Ash everywhere and not the name they gave me. I wont have to feel sad when I have to introduce myself as the name they gave me. and as far as people would know this is my name and the only one. they wouldn't even know what the other one is and cant call me it.

I still dont know what I want, but I know just being there I'll already be happier than here. they upset me a lot here. they say rude and insensitive things and insult me whether they know they are or not. and I think one day when I leave, if they try to justify themselves instead of fixing it, I have the freedom to leave them behind. they're not as bad as a lot of other people's family, especially since I thought compared to other people my family was nice. but still I think unlike the voice says I dont deserve to feel bad about who I am, especially when they're the ones who impacted me that way and made me a lot of who I am. or caused it.

I also cant wait until I move out because I'll have a lot more control of what I can and cant do, how I can be myself, and what kinds if things I'm eating. because right now, my parents dont really buy things that are good for you because it's cheaper to get processed foods. and when they do get better things, they get things I dont like. or I never get any because my siblings have it. bht I guess in some weird way it is good that they make me feel horrible about food stuff because then that's less of the bad stuff that I eat. I don't really like eating at all and I thought that was a good thing becuas ei vcd ont have access to the things I'm supposed to be having. so to me it's better to have nothing than things that are bad. and I've been kinda proud of myself for having less because it's not good stuff. like last night's I had a slice of cheese, half of minimal dinner, then only a little bit of chocolate. but then my siblings got taco bell and now I feel like shit. because I felt bad because they got it specifically for me but I didnt want it but I had it anyways. but I'm proud of how I did today before that!!!!

I want it ti rain. I wanna go outside when there thunder and lightning and pouring rain and just walk around. I want to stand in the rain. the rain makes me happy and calm. I feel safer in the rain. and it's just an overall pleasant thing. of course i don't want it to flood or cause harm to anyone else, but I want it to rain. good thing rain season is coming up soon. it might be cold but I dont care. I've waited too long for it.

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dimpled-gukkie · 4 years

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A day in my life (work edition)

Hello, if you’ve decided to read this thread i’ve made, I hope you enjoy the chaos that will undoubtably ensue bc weird things just happen to me and I’m also kind of a mess. That being said I’ve decided to catalog memorable moments from my first job (lol I got a job) in the month I will be working there before I quit so I can focus on the upcoming semester.

I’ve been working here for about two weeks now so I’ll catch you guys up. Right now we have three main characters: bread guy (dubbed that bc he doesn't like bread which I don’t understand), g (hes italian in case you wanted to know) and dennys (honestly i just chose that rn). But basically they’re waiters at the restaurant i work at who’ve caught my eye (or weaseled their way to my attention).

I met bread guy first (also he’s the same age as vmin and i’ve never considered them old before until this guy told me his age and i was like wow that's old). But anyways, he’s kinda standoffish (for example he talks to everyone but me and only occasionally me if we're alone so im not sure if he actually likes me even though he assured me that we were friends) but like your stereotypical main character I’ve become interested in him solely for the reason that he doesn’t seem to like me. Oh he also has these like real sad puppy dog eyes and when I was talking to shay about it apparently that’s like a big winner for other people? Maybe i’m just weird but they dont spark adoration for me. OH he also likes to call me a baby (even though im legally an adult) bc im the youngest one who works there.

G is new to my field, like I saw him a few times during shifts but its been kinda like polite hellos, how’s your day type convos. But yesterday i curled my hair (apparently this is great for my attractiveness bc i got four separate compliments on it yesterday and normally i don’t get compliments) and he told me he liked my hair and then like swished it. Oh he also hugged me and then like nudged me when he stopped by where I was and stood so our shoulders were touching while he talked to me for like three minutes. Idk if that’s flirting or not bc every time i think someone’s flirting they’re being nice and if i think they’re nice they’re flirting so if you’ve made it this far let me know. Oh also he was supposed to work with me tonight but he switched shifts so i was disappointed

now uhh what did i call him? Dennys (will not remember that) is hard to read. Like he doesn’t really talk to me, he only like watches me when i walk around. But he rarely ever like speaks and if he does it’s only a couple words. He actually caught my attention on my first day but then i found out he was really thirsty and i got disheartened. He’s def not my usual vibe though bc he’s pretty intimidating (hes super tall and has a sleeve and im pretty sure i saw a neck tattoo at one point.... for reference i normally go for the like dorky soft type like guk) but anyways yesterday (im telling you my curled hair is doing something for me) he was like goofy with me. like he slapped my shoulder with a menu and then pretended to flick my nose just to watch me flinch and fake juked me out. and then today he was back to his 👀 mode.

if you’ve made it this far congratulations, as you can see i get infatuated very easily. I’m just writing this down so i can find it in a couple months time when i inevitably stumble across this after forgetting its existence like five minutes after posting this. Oh also i almost tripped today when i was walking across the floor in front of customers so that was cool. oh and this one guy that came in was so cute that i couldn't stop smiling and giggling LIKE A FOOL and when he made a joke my heart skipped a beat so that was fun.....also hi shay

#working woman #i will 100% forget this post and tag #noelle nonsense

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winchesterbrotherstan · 4 years

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SPN- Bloodlust (2.03)

Pairing: Olive Winchester (OC)

Summary: While investigating a case, the siblings run across someone from a familiar background. Dean clicks right away, but Sam and Olive are weary. Chaos ensues.

Warnings: blood (lol duh), fighting, choking, idk writing part of this made me sad but i did it for the ~drama~

Word Count: 6078

“Whoo! Listen to her purr!” Dean turned to Sam and I with a huge grin. “Have you ever heard anything so sweet?”

I giggled, overjoyed to see him so happy. He had fixed Baby up, and she looked better than when Dad gave her to us.

“You know, if you two wanna get a room, just let me know, Dean.” Sam teased.

Dean shook his head, the smile still on his face. “Oh, don’t listen to him, Baby. He doesn’t understand us.”

I giggled again, and Sam laughed.

“You two are in good moods.”

I shrugged. “I’m happy that Dean’s happy.”

Dean grinned and leaned over to press a quick kiss to my forehead.

“Got my car, got my baby siblings, got a case. Things are looking up.”

“Wow.” Sam scoffed playfully. “You hear a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you’re Mr. Sunshine.”

Dean laughed. “How far to Red Lodge?”

“Uh, about another three hundred miles.” Sam threw an arm over the back of the seats.

Dean grinned wider. “Good.”

***

“Why do I have to stay in the car?” I whined.

“Because I said so.” Dean frowned back.

I sighed. “I didn’t have to stay in the car on other hunts.”

He sighed again. “I know, kid, but you don’t seem like a reporter when it’s the three of us.”

“It’s not even like I can play with Jinx. Sitting in a car is boring.” I huffed.

Jinx was still at Bobby’s. She was going to stay another week before we picked her up, since she loved his house and he loved her.

“Then say I’m your daughter and you couldn’t find a babysitter!” I begged, chin resting on the windowsill.

He huffed, then looked at Sam. Sam shrugged.

“It’s not that far off.”

He sighed again. “Fine. Fine, but you’re Sam’s kid. Come on.”

***

“The murder investigation is ongoing, and that’s all I can share with the press at this time.”

I was sitting in a chair across from the sheriff’s open door. Sam and Dean were in suits and ties. They were reporters today, and I was Sam’s teenage kid. I could see Sam and Dean from my spot, but not the sheriff. He sure as hell sounded ridiculous though, which proved enough entertainment for me.

“Sure, sure, we understand that.” Sam nodded. “But just for the second, you found the first, uh… head… last week, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, and the other victim, a uh, Christina Flanigan…”

“That was two days ago. Is there-”

There was a knock on the open door, and the blond girl pointed at her watch.

“Oh. Sorry, gentlemen, but time’s up. Looks like we’re done here.”

“One last question-”

“Yeah, what about the cattle?” Dean cut Sam off.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and stayed silent, eyes closed.

“Excuse me?”

“You know, the cows found dead, split open, drained… over a dozen cases.” Dean reminded him.

“What about them?”

Dean gave Sam a look, and I cleared my throat. Sam was quick to save Dean.

“You don’t think there’s a connection?”

“Connection? With?”

“First cattle mutilations, now two murders? Kinda sounds like ritualistic stuff.”

“You know, like satanic cult ritualistic.” Dean’s eyebrows rose.

The sheriff laughed. “You…” He stopped laughing upon seeing that Sam and Dean were completely serious. “You’re not kidding.”

“No.” Dean shook his head with a sickly sweet smile that soon faded.

“Those cows aren’t being mutilated. You wanna know how I know?”

“How?” Sam instantly shot back.

“Because there’s no such thing as cattle mutilation. Cow drops, leave it in the sun, within forty eight hours the bloat will split it open so clean it’s just about surgical. The bodily fluids fall down into the ground and get soaked up because that’s what gravity does. But hey, it could be satan.” He scoffed. “What newspaper did you say you worked for?”

Sam and Dean both cleared their throats, but Dean beat him to it. “World Weekly News.”

“Weekly World News.” Sam corrected.

“World… I’m new.” He chuckled.

The sheriff snorted. “Get out of my office.”

***

“Dean, I’ve been in a morgue before.” I whined.

“Yeah, I don’t care. You’re staying in the car, where it’s safe.”

I scoffed. “Safe from what? A dead guy?”

“Olive.” He was serious. “This is not up for debate. You are staying in the car. Do you understand me?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” I sighed. “Be careful. Please.”

He smiled and ducked his head back in through the car window. “Love you, sweetpea.”

“Love you too. Bye, Sammy.”

“Bye, bug, be back soon.”

***

The boys slunk into the car with matching looks on their faces.

“What happened?” I sat up.

Dean huffed and Sam shook his head.

“We got something weird on our hands, Ol.”

“Like what?”

Dean glanced at me in the rearview. “Vamps.”

“Hey, Ollie, you got your fake ID on you?”

I grinned as I flashed it. “Always.”

***

“How’s it going?” Dean asked as we sat down at the bar.

“Living the dream. What can I get for you?”

“Two beers and a water, please.”

The bartender snorted and I smiled. “Someone’s gotta be able to drive.”

“So, we’re looking for some people.” Sam started.

“Sure. Hard to be lonely.”

Sam smiled. “Yeah, but um…” He pulled out a fifty and stretched it out before dropping it on the bar. “That’s not what I meant.”

The bartender pocketed it and slid us our drinks.

“Right, so these… these people. They would’ve moved here about six months ago. Probably pretty rowdy, like to drink… real night owls, ya know? Sleep all day, party all night.” I took a sip.

“Barker farm got leased out a couple months ago. Real winners. They’ve been in here a lot. Drinkers, noisy. I’ve had to 86 them once or twice.”

The boys and I looked at each other. That was all we needed. I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach and latched onto Dean’s arm.

“Thanks.” He smiled and stood.

“What is it, sweetheart?” He asked, casual.

“We’re being watched.” I said through a smile.

Sam heard me and nodded, pushing Dean to lead so he could bring up the rear. We slunk across the floor and slipped out the back door.

“Alright, I’ll be the bait.” I whispered as I popped to my toes and pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek.

I didn’t give him time to protest it as I slipped into the back alley, leaving them to hide in the shadows. I could hear the man’s footsteps as he followed after me. I stopped at the alley way’s dead end and turned, gun trained between his eyes. It was one of the men that had been sitting in the bar.

“Can I help you?”

He turned to run, and Sam and Dean popped out of their places. Sam pinned him to the wall with a fierce look on his face, and Dean’s knife was at his throat. I put the gun back in my waistband and walked over, feeling like a total badass even though my brothers were doing all the work.

I framed myself between them and scowled. “Smile.”

“What?”

“Show us those pearly whites.” Dean growled.

“Oh, for the love of… do you wanna stick that thing someplace else? I’m not a vampire.”

I glanced up at Sam, who side-eyed me, then Dean.

“That’s right. I heard you guys in there.”

“What do you know about vampires?” Sam snapped.

“How to kill them. Now seriously, bro. That knife’s making me itch.”

Dean tilted his head.

Oh how tragic.

The man tried to stand straight, and Sam slammed him back into the wall.

“Hey! Whoa. Easy there, chachi.”

I held back a growl as I glared at the man.

I wish Dad was here.

I blinked, taken aback.

Had the voice in my head just… talked to me?

I miss Dad too.

The man pulled his lips up to show us his gums. “See? Fangless. Happy?”

Sam let him go, and Dean pulled the knife away.

“Now.” The man spat. “Who the hell are you three?”

***

“Sam, Dean, and Olive Winchester.” Gordon Walker, solo hunter spoke. “I can’t believe it. You know I met your old man once? Hell of a guy. Great hunter. I heard he passed. I’m sorry. It’s big shoes. But from what I hear you guys fill ‘em. Great trackers, good in a tight spot-”

“You seem to know a lot about our family.” I cut him off.

“Word travels fast.” He sighed. “You know how hunters talk.”

“No.” I shook my head. “We don’t, actually.”

“I guess there’s a lot your dad never told you, huh?”

“So those two vampires, they were yours, huh?” I mocked his tone.

“Yep. Been here two weeks.”

“Did you check out Barker farm?” I spat.

“It’s a bust. Just a bunch of hippies. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.”

“Where’s the nest?” I ignored the rack of fancy equipment that he pulled out of his car.

“Look, girl-”

“Her name’s Olive.” Sam snapped.

“I got this one covered. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a real pleasure meeting you fellas. But I’ve been on this thing for over a year. I killed a fang back in Austin, tracked the nest all the way up here. I’ll finish it.”

“We could help.” Dean offered, finally getting a word in.

“Thanks, but uh, I’m kind of a go-it-alone type of guy.”

“Come on, man. I’ve been itching for a hunt.” Dean grinned.

“Sorry. But hey, I hear there’s a chupacabra two states over. You go ahead and knock yourselves out.” He shut the back door and got into his car. “It was real good meeting you, though. I’ll buy you a drink on the flip side.”

He drove off, and Dean and Sam both turned to me with strange looks on their faces.

“What?”

“What the hell was that?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. Dad never mentioned him, so why did he know so much about our family? He’s not a vamp, but he could be something else. A werewolf, a shifter. Hell, a skinwalker. Or he could just be some very shady dude.”

“Ol, I’ve never seen you go at anybody like that.”

“Yeah, Dean’s right. Not before.” Sam shook his head.

I sighed. “I don’t like his vibes.”

Dean sighed and Sam shrugged. “Alright. Let’s go.”

***

“Hey!” I roared, fangs on display.

The vamp turned with an open mouth and wide eyes. Sam took the chance to pull Gordon out from under the power saw, helping him to his feet. The vamp came at me full force, and Dean picked up a loose crowbar and hit him with it. The vamp fell under the saw, and I watched as Dean moved without hesitation. He drove the crowbar into the vamp’s chest before throwing a few punches.

He lowered the saw, cutting the vamp’s head off. His face got sprayed with blood, and I jumped at the sound of bones crunching. Sam reached for me and pulled me into his chest. I hid my face in his shirt and shook, horrified. I had seen Dean kill, but this sent chills down my spine.

There was a long silence, and Sam ran a hand through my hair.

“It’s okay, bug. I’ve got ya.”

“So uh… I guess I gotta buy you that drink.”

Dean laughed, and I shrunk further into Sam.

“Yeah. Hey, babes.” He reached for me, and I forced Sam back as I moved forward, away from Dean.

Dean stared at me, confused. “What…”

Sam eyed him and shook his head. I turned and huddled back into Sam’s chest.

Too much blood.

***

I was curled up in the chair, leaning into Sam’s side as much as I possibly could. Dean was on my other side, because it was either him or Gordon, but I didn’t want anybody except Sam.

“Here you go.” The waitress came by, placing another round, as well as the bill, down on the table.

Dean reached for his wallet, and Gordon waved his hand.

“No, no, I got it.”

“Come on.” Dean tried.

“I insist.” Gordon handed a 50 to the waitress. “Thank you, sweetie.”

My stomach churned and I pressed my head further into Sam. He wrapped his arm tighter around me.

“Another one bites the dust.” Gordon raised his glass.

Bad vibes, bad vibes, bad vibes.

I swallowed, hard.

I know.

“Dean.” Gordon laughed, and I shivered.

It sounded wrong coming out of his mouth. Like he had broken some ancient, blood-rule.

“You gave that big-ass fang one hell of a haircut, my friend.”

“Thank you.” Dean grinned.

“That was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”

“Yep.” Dean took a swig of his beer and glanced at us. “You alright, Sammy?”

“I’m fine.”

“Princess?”

“Feel sick.” I mumbled, not moving from the security of Sam’s grip.

“Well, come on. Smile, princess. Lighten up a little, Sammy.”

I clenched my jaw and a growl slipped its way through my throat. Sam scowled.

“He’s the only one who gets to call us that.”

“Okay. No offense meant. Just celebrating a little. Job well done.”

“Right. Well, decapitations aren’t my idea of a good time, I guess. And my little sister is sick to her stomach, so excuse me for not throwing a party.”

“Oh, come on, guys. It’s not like it was human. You’ve gotta have a little more fun with your job.”

“See?” Dean’s face lit up, and I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him! Sam, you could learn a thing or two from this guy.”

Sam looked back and forth between the two, a look of disgust forming on his face. “Yeah. I bet I could.”

I tugged on his jacket. “Sams, can we go home? Think I’m gonna puke.”

He nodded. “Look, I’m not gonna bring you guys down, and Olive really doesn’t feel well. We’re just gonna go back to the motel.”

Dean sighed. “You sure?”

Sam nodded as he stood, helping me stay steady on my feet.

“Alright. Hey, buttercup.” Dean reached for me again, and I stumbled back into Sam’s hold.

Dean sighed and looked down. He tossed the keys at Sam without looking.

“Remind me to beat the buzzkill out of you later, Sammy, yeah?”

Sam only rolled his eyes.

“Bye, De.”

He said nothing. My bottom lip quivered, and Sam swiftly picked me up by the waist, letting me cry into his neck.

“Come on, bug. Let’s go home.”

***

“How’re you feeling, honey?” Sam whispered, putting a hand up to my forehead.

I shrugged. “Better, I guess.”

“Yeah. Maybe your tummy just needed to get all the yucky out, yeah?”

I nodded. Sam had rushed home so that I could barf. He held my hair back during, then made sure I brushed my teeth afterwards. He had braided my hair and put me in bed so I could sleep. The last time he had taken care of me, I was eleven, so the old habit was dying hard.

“Thanks for taking care of me, Sammy.” I mumbled.

He smiled and bent over, kissing my forehead. “Of course, baby. You gonna be okay if I make a phone call real quick?”

I nodded. “Can I get a ginger ale?”

He smiled. “Yeah, I’ll go after I’m done on the phone.”

I sniffed. “Are you sure?”

He nodded, pressing another kiss to my face. He sat down on the other bed with a wink as he pulled out his phone.

“Hey, Ellen, Sam Winchester.”

I felt my eyelids grow heavy as I watched him.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Just got a question.”

I turned onto my side, focusing on Sam’s face.

“You ever run across a guy named Gordon Walker?”

A pause.

“And?”

Sam caught my eye and made a silly face at me. I smiled, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders.

“Well, we ran into him on a job and we’re kinda working with him, I guess.”

Sam’s face morphed into one of confusion. “I… I thought you said he was a good hunter. Wait, Ellen… Right…” He nodded. “Okay. Uh, alright. Thanks, talk later.”

He shut the phone and sighed.

“What is it, Sams?”

He shook his head. “Nothing to worry about, bunny.”

I sniffled again. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” He smiled, smoothing my hair out. “Yeah, I’m sure. Okay. You get some rest, I’m gonna go get your ginger ale, alright?”

I nodded, letting my eyes fall shut. “Love you, bambi.”

He smiled. “Love you too, baby girl.” He kissed my head. “Get some shut eye.”

***

“Hey. Hey, Ollie. Olive. Baby girl, wake up.”

I rolled over to see Dean shaking me. I inched away as I sat up, squinting. I caught a glimpse of Gordon at the table and my chest clenched.

You aren’t safe. You aren’t safe, you aren’t safe, you aren’t safe.

“Where’s Sam?” I asked, beginning to struggle to breathe.

“Figured you’d know.” Dean tried to move closer, and my chest began to ache like I had just been shot.

“Uh-”

“Car’s parked outside. Probably went for a walk. Seems like the take-a-walk type.” Gordon cut me off.

I scowled, and Dean shook his head, unconvinced.

“Yeah, he is, but…”

The door opened, and Sam walked in. I scrambled out of bed. I dodged Dean as best as I could as I jumped over the other bed and made a beeline for Sam. He caught me in his arms and glared at Gordon.

“Sammy.” I whimpered.

“I’m here, bug. I’m here.” He cradled my head.

“Sam, where you been?”

“Can we talk? Alone?”

Dean sighed. “Mind chilling out for a couple minutes?”

Gordon shrugged, and Sam opened the door. I shuffled out past him, leaning into his side as he began down the stairs.

“Oh, I’m…” I trailed off, looking down at my bare feet.

Sam scooped me and placed me on his hip without a word. “Dean, maybe we gotta rethink this hunt.”

“What’re you talking about? Where you been? I got here and Olive was all alone.”

“I was in the nest, Dean.”

“What?” My eyes went huge. “Are you okay?”

“You found it?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m alright, bug.” He sighed. “They found me, man.”

“How’d you get out? How many’d you kill?”

Sam scowled. “None.”

“Well, Sam, they didn’t just let you go.” Dean scoffed.

“That’s exactly what they did.”

“Alright, well where is it?” Dean’s eyebrows furrowed.

Sam shook his head. “I was blindfolded. I don’t know.”

“You’ve gotta know something, Sam.”

“We went over that bridge outside of town, but Dean, listen.” Sam sighed. “Maybe we shouldn’t go after them.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t think they’re like other vamps, Dean!” He hissed. “I don’t think they’re killing people.”

“You’re joking.” Dean scowled. “Then how do they stay alive? Or undead, or whatever the fuck they are.”

“The cattle mutilations.” I realized, looking up at Sam.

He nodded. “They said they live off animal blood.”

“And you believed them?” Dean was shocked.

“Look at him, Dean. He doesn’t even have a scratch on him. No bites, no blood, no bumps or bruises.” I ran a hand through Sam’s hair. “They didn’t hurt him. And they didn’t hurt me either. I was asleep in the room, they could’ve killed me, easy.”

“Wait, so you two are saying…” Dean shook his head. “No, man. No way. I dunno why they let you go, and I don’t really care. We find ‘em and we waste ‘em.”

“But why?” I stressed.

“What part of vampires don’t you understand, Ol? If it’s supernatural, we kill it, end of story.”

He kept talking, but I couldn’t hear him.

We’re supernatural. Is he gonna kill us?

“Dean! Our job is hunting evil. And if these things aren’t killing people, they’re not evil!” Sam spat.

“Sam, they’re all the same. They’re not human, okay? We have to exterminate every last one of them!”

We’re not human. Is he gonna kill us?

“Gordon’s been on those vamps for a year, man. He knows.”

“Gordon?”

No!

I tensed up in Sam’s arms, and he held me tighter.

“You’re taking his word for it?”

“That’s right.”

“Ellen says he’s bad news.” Sam hissed.

“You called Ellen?”

Sam nodded.

Of course!

“And I’m supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam. No thanks, I’ll go with Gordon.”

“Right, cause Gordon’s such an old friend. You think I can’t see what this is?”

“What are you talking about?” Dean fired back.

“He’s a substitute for Dad, isn’t he? A poor one.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“He’s not even close, Dean.” Sam growled. “Not even on his best day.”

“You know what, Sam? I’m not even going to talk about this.”

“You know, you can slap that big fake smile on your face, but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad’s dead, and he left a hole, and it hurts so bad that you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It’s an insult to his memory.”

Dean took a breath, then stared right at Sam. “Put her down, Sam.”

“What?”

“Put her down.”

“Wait, no, Sams-”

“Put her down or she’s gonna get hurt too!”

“Sammy-”

Dean ripped me from Sam and pushed me over onto the floor. I crumbled against the wet pavement, in shock. Dean punched Sam clear across the face and I began to cry.

“You can hit me all you want, Dean. It won’t change anything.”

Dean took another swing, and I stumbled to my feet. I let out a growl, baring my fangs at Dean. He turned to me with death in his eyes and knocked me to the ground, hand on my neck.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Olive?”

I only growled louder, and he raised a fist. I shut my eyes and flinched, but it never came. Sam pushed him off onto the ground and kept him pinned.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re gonna hit her? You gonna punch your baby sister?”

“I’m going to that nest.” Dean shoved Sam off and got to his feet. “You don’t wanna tell me where it is, fine. I’ll find it myself.”

“Dean!”

Dean turned on his heel and walked away. Sam turned and brought me to my feet.

“Olive.”

“I’m okay.”

“It’s okay if you’re not okay.”

I coughed, put a hand up, and turned. I leaned over and puked again, only this time what came up was blood from my mouth and stomach acid. Sam rubbed a circle on my back.

“I’m okay. I’m okay, let’s just go.” I stood straight and took off after Dean.

“Dean!” Sam called.

He was in the motel room, which was empty.

“Gordon?” He called.

“You think he went after them?” Sam asked.

“Probably.” Dean scowled. “I fucking hope so.”

“Dean, we have to stop him.” I spat.

“Really, Olive? Because I say we lend a hand.”

“Dean, you just took me down in the middle of a parking lot.” I hissed. “Give Sam the benefit of the doubt. You owe me that.”

“Olive-”

“This is not a debate, Dean. Either you trust Sam or I’ll leave and I will never come back.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“And I thought you would never lay a hand on me.”

He sighed. “Fine. I’ll drive. Gimme the keys.”

Sam sighed and pointed to the table, where he had set the keys when we got home.

“He snaked the keys.”

“Mother fucker.”

***

Dean grimaced as he hotwired Baby. A few sparks later, her engine turned over and she purred like she had earlier today.

“I can’t believe this.” He groaned. “I just fixed her up, too.”

I leaned into Sam’s side and refused to look up. Dean sighed. I could already feel his guilt, but I didn’t wanna hear anything from him right now, even if it was an apology.

“So the bridge… is that all you got?”

Sam nodded, tracing over the map. “The bridge was four and a half minutes from their farm.”

“How do you know?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I counted.” He traced the trail. “They took a left out of the farm, then turned right onto a dirt road, followed that for two minutes slightly up a hill, then took another quick right and we hit the bridge.”

Dean huffed. “You’re good. You’re a monster pain in the ass, but you’re good. Alright kids, ready to rock and roll?”

I finally looked up at him and said nothing. My neck hurt, I had scraped my elbow, and my fangs had cut through parts of my lip. This was his fault.

He sighed again, then looked back at the road. “Let’s go.”

***

“Come on.” Dean pushed me slightly behind him.

“Don’t touch me.” I snarled at him, backing away from him and into Sam.

“I’m sorry.” He shrunk down.

“Just stay with me, bug.” Sam whispered as Dean led the way into the farmhouse.

“Sam, Dean, Olive. Come on in.”

“Hey, Gordon.” Dean was at attention. “What’s going on?”

“Just poisoning Lenore here with some dead man’s blood. She’s gonna tell us where all her little friends are, aren’t you? Wanna help?”

“Look, man…” Dean trailed off.

“Grab a knife.” Gordon gestured to the knives on the table. “I was just about to start in on the fingers.”

He dragged a knife covered in blood across her arm, and her veins pulsated black, tracing away from the cut. I gasped.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Let’s all just chill out, huh?”

“I’m completely chill.” Gordon smiled.

“Gordon, put the knife down.” Sam took a step toward him.

I grabbed his wrist and Dean put a hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Sounds like it’s Sam here who needs to chill.”

“Just step away from her, alright?”

“You’re right. I’m wasting my time here. This bitch will never talk. Might as well put her out of her misery.” Gordon whipped out a larger knife. “I just sharpened it, so it’s completely humane.”

I took a step forward as a growl flowed past my lips. Gordon’s eyes locked on me, and I froze.

We fucked up.

Dean stepped in front of me, and I huddled behind him, hands gripping his jacket.

“Gordon, I’m letting her go.” Sam went at him.

“You’re not doing a damn thing.” The knife went up to Sam’s chest.

“Hey, hey, hey, Gordon. Let’s talk about this.” Dean’s hands went up.

“What’s there to talk about. It’s like I said Dean, no shades of grey.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear ya. And I know how you feel.” Dean moved closer, and I moved with him, horrified.

“Do you?”

“The vampire that killed your sister deserved to die, but this one-”

He stopped as Gordon started to laugh.

“Killed my sister? That filthy fang didn’t kill my sister. It turned her. It made her one of them. So I hunted her down. And I killed her myself.”

“You did what?”

“It wasn’t my sister anymore. It wasn’t human. I didn’t blink. And neither would you.”

My blood ran cold, and Dean reached behind him, his hand landing on my arm. I moved to hold his hand in mine and gripped it. He locked eyes with me over his shoulder.

His eyes said it all.

I’m so sorry.

I sighed and leaned against his shoulder.

He would blink.

“So you knew all along, then? You knew about the vampires, you knew they weren’t killing anyone. You knew about the cattle. And you just didn’t care.” Sam shook his head.

“Care about what? A nest of vampires suddenly acting nice? Taking a little time out from sucking innocent people? And we’re supposed to buy that? Trust me. Doesn’t change what they are. And I can prove that.”

Gordon twisted Sam’s arm back and sliced it. Sam grunted as Gordon put the knife to his throat and dragged him to Lenore. Dean pulled his gun and cocked it faster than I could blink.

“Let him go. Now!”

Sam looked horrified, and I panted, trying to hold back.

“Relax. If I wanted to kill him he’d already be on the floor. Just making a little point.” He twisted Sam’s arm again and squeezed.

His blood began to fall on Lenore’s face. She gasped before her fangs extended and she began to hiss.

“Hey!” Dean shouted.

“Think she’s so different? Still want to save her? Look at her. They’re all the same. Evil, bloodthirsty.”

Lenore regained control of herself. Her fangs went back inside, and she turned her face away, crying.

“No. Please, no.”

“You hear her, Gordon?” Sam challenged.

“No! No!” Lenore hung her head low.

Sam pushed the knife away from his throat and backed away from Gordon. “We’re done here.”

“Sam, get her out of here.”

“Yeah.” Sam picked her up. “I gotcha. I gotcha.”

Gordon took a step toward Sam, and Dean kept the gun trained on him.

“Uh-uh. No. Gordon, I think you and I’ve got some things to talk about.” Dean inched closer.

“Get out of my way.” Gordon put the knife back up.

I pulled my gun and cocked it, aiming between his eyes once more. “Sorry. Not gonna happen.”

“You’re not serious, Dean.”

“I’m having a hard time believing it too, but I know what I saw. If you want those vampires, you gotta go through me.”

Gordon eyed his knife before jamming it into the table. “Fine.”

Dean eyed the knife and nodded. He pulled the clip from his gun and set it on the table. I put the safety back on mine and tucked it into my waistband. Dean and I looked at each other. He had a soft smile on his face, and I felt close to tears.

Gordon came at him and punched him across the face. I pulled my gun again, but they were tussling back and forth, and I couldn’t get a clean shot. Gordon grabbed the knife again, and Dean let out a groan. They kept fighting, but my hand wasn’t steady enough to knock Gordon without hitting Dean. Dean knocked the knife out of his hand.

“What are you doing, man? You doing this for a fang? Come on, Dean. We’re on the same side here.”

“I don’t think so, you sadistic bastard.”

Gordon took Dean back to the ground, and I groaned as Dean grunted, hitting the floor.

“You’re not like your brother and sister. You’re a killer. Like me.” Gordon howled.

Dean rolled away, and I grinned, finally lining up my shot. Clean through the knee. Gordon screamed, and Dean smiled at me. He pinned him down and slammed His head into a wall.

“Oops, sorry.”

Gordon was now out cold, and I pulled over a chair so Dean could tie him up.

“You know. I might be like you, and I might now. But you’re the one tied up right now.” Dean grumbled before spitting in his face.

He turned to me and gave me the same small smile from earlier. I slowly made my way to him and accepted a hug, resting my head against his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Olive.”

I nodded. “I know.”

“I shouldn’t have put my hands on you. I’m so sorry.”

I nodded again. “I know. I shouldn’t have lost it in public.”

“I shouldn’t have hit Sam either. I’m sorry.”

I nodded a third time. “I’m sorry too. You miss Dad more than Sam and I do, and we should try to respect how you’re coping.”

He let out a soft laugh. “I really lucked out with you, kid.”

Another nod. “I know. I love you, De.”

“I love you too, baby girl. My sweet, beautiful girl.”

***

“Did I miss anything?” Sam asks as he walks back into the barn.

“Nah, not much.” Dean shakes his head. “Lenore get out okay?”

Sam nods. “Yeah. All of em did.”

He eyes Olive, who is fast asleep on the floor, her head in Dean’s lap. He looks at Dean, who smiles.

“We made up.”

Sam grins. “Good.”

“Then I guess our work here is done. How you doing, Gordy? Gotta tinkle yet?” Dean taunts.

Gordon glares.

“Alright. Well, get comfy. We’ll call someone in two or three days, have them come out and untie you.”

He shakes Olive awake, who groans and rubs her eyes. She remembers what happened last night and tries to dig her head into Dean’s leg so that she won't have to get up. He laughs as Sam grabs her by the hands and drags her to her feet. She huffs.

“Ready to go, De?”

“Not yet.” Dean sighs. “I guess this is goodbye. Well, it’s been real.” He smiles his charming smile before punching Gordon at full force, sending him flying backwards in his chair.

Sam clears his throat as Olive giggles. He turns to his younger siblings with a smile.

“Okay. I’m good now. We can go.”

***

“Hey, sweetheart.” Dean cups Olive’s face as they stretch outside of the farmhouse, basking in the sun.

“What?” She asks, cheeks smushed.

“I need you to know that I will never lay a hand on you again. Okay? I will never hurt you again. Ever. I love you.”

She nods, feeling tears well into her eyes. “Okay. I love you too.”

He pulls her into his chest and kisses the top of her head. Olive wipes the tears away from her eyes. Dean may be a douchebag at times, but he’s her brother, and she wouldn’t trade him for the world.

“Okay. Okay.” He clears his throat and stands, setting his feet apart like a boxer would. “Sam, clock me one.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You get a freebie, and then Olive gets to do whatever the hell she wants. Come on, let’s go.”

Sam and Olive cock their heads, staring at each other, and then their big brother.

“No.”

“Come on, I won’t even hit ya back. Let’s go.”

“You look like you just went twelve rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I’ll take a raincheck.”

Olive giggles, and Dean turns to her, patting his cheek. “Come on. Your go.”

She smiles and runs at him, but jumps into his arms. He catches her with a groan as he stumbles backward. She’s not heavy, but Dean’s so tired that he wishes she would’ve bitten clean through his arm instead.

“This is my punishment?”

“Yeah, you gotta carry me to the car.” She grins as she gets comfy in his hold.

He sighs, patting her back as the siblings start back toward their car.

“What is it, De?”

“I wish we never took this job. It’s jacked everything up.”

Sam and Olive share another look.

“What do you mean?”

“Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy. Our whole lives.”

Sam nods. “Okay?”

“What if… what if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing? Ya know? I mean, the way Dad raised us…”

“Dean… after what happened to Mom… Dad did the best he could.”

“I know he did.” Dean sighs. “But the man wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things. And man, I hate em. I do. Olive’s the only creature I’ve ever loved. When I killed that vamp at the mill, I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I enjoyed it.”

“You didn’t kill Lenore.” Olive pipes up.

“No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill em all, ya know.”

“Yeah, Dean.” Sam starts. “But you didn’t. And that’s what matters.”

Dean scoffs. His younger siblings keep him grounded, and he knows that. But he’ll be damned if he admits that.

“Yeah, well, cause you two are major pains in my ass.”

Sam grins. “Guess I might have to stick around to be a pain in the ass, then.”

“Thanks.” Dean whispers.

Sam grins. He can’t tell if Dean’s whispering because he feels weak or because Olive is sleeping again. He smiles either way.

“Don’t mention it.”

Sam climbs into the car. Dean opens the back door and lays Olive down, letting her curl up onto her side. He peels off his jacket and lays it over her with a smile. He shuts the door, stares at the sunset, and then gets in the car and drives off.

Previous Ep: Everybody Loves a Clown (2.02)

Next Ep: Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (2.04)

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throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 4 years

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Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot. but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :( -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

#half valid anon

6 notes · View notes

makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 230: League of Thots

Previously on BnHA: We learned all about Twice’s past, which was a lot like Oliver Twist, if you’re like me and you never actually read Oliver Twist and only have extremely vague memories of watching one of the movie versions as a kid and seeing some poor wretched child asking for more oatmeal and falling in with some lovable scalawags. Although I’m pretty sure Oliver Twist never hit a dude with a motorcycle and made a bunch of clones of himself because he was lonely and then the clones all tried to kill each other. But like, other than that, I still kinda got that vibe, idk. Anyway so Twice is great and we all love him and feel sorry for him, and the Metahuman Liberation Army ripped his mask off because they’re dicks, and then they broke his arms because see re: the part where they’re dicks. But once his arms were broken, Twice, who’d been having an ongoing identity crisis due to not being sure whether he was one of his own clones, realized he couldn’t be a clone since he was still alive and hadn’t melted into a big blob after taking all that damage. So then he got all empowered, and he made like a dozen fresh new clones of himself, and now they’re gonna fuck up the MLA’s shit hopefully, and good riddance.

Today on BnHA: The League of Twices surges forth to do battle with the forces of evil and it’s my favorite thing ever. What started out as a dozen quickly multiplies exponentially -- we’re talking literal exponential growth here -- until Re-Destro’s Army of 116,000 people actually find themselves outnumbered. Up in his tower, Re-Destro is all “gee Skeptic you sure did fuck up spectacularly :)” and Skeptic quickly makes himself scarce, leaving Giran all on his own to antagonize RD about how royally screwed he is. Back in the thick of things, Dabi continues to attack The Night King, but it turns out he’s able to create new ice from just about any water source, so that complicates things a bit. Meanwhile Dabi is apparently starting to roast himself with his own quirk, which is very interesting and a huge clue as to how he came to be where he is, all scarred up and presumably Presumed Dead, and it’s all very intriguing. But before we can ponder that much, we cut to Ujiko, who’s getting tired of watching the League kick ass so effortlessly and decides to throw a Gigantomachia-shaped wrench into the mix just for the hell of it, waking the big guy early so he can join in on the fun. Well you won’t see me complaining omg.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a couple of ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oh my god

first of all, y’all know I love it when Horikoshi really gets into the nitty-gritty of how someone’s quirk works and hammers out all the little stipulations and provisions about what they can and can’t do, etc. but then to do it with this adorable little chibi Twice sketch is almost too much. we’re only on the first panel here; if this is an indicator of what the rest of the chapter is gonna be like, fair warning that I will probably have a number of little fangirling breakdowns

anyhoo, so this definitely clears some things up. the translation could be a little clearer, but I’m gonna take this to mean that he has a two-clone limit, period, and can’t make more than two of any person or object until the existing clones disappear. meaning that this can’t actually be used to create entire armies, which is a smart move on Horikoshi’s part in terms of keeping him from getting too op. this is especially important because we know his clones can use the same quirks as the original. so yeah, that could potentially get out of hand real fast without a few limiters in place

but! there is one exception to the “only two” rule, which we’re now seeing in action! a quirk hack, if you will. which is that if he clones himself, each of those clones is then capable of using the same Doubling quirk under the same rules. so each clone can make an additional two clones. which is dope. like, past a certain point, you actually have to start using math to keep up with him. and that part is in fact pretty motherflippin’ powerful, even if each duplicate is weaker than the last. it’s definitely not something you want to fuck with. I would sure hate to be a person, or army of people, who have done just that and are now going to have to feel his wrath. oh man

so because this is a Flashback Arc we are now cutting to another flashback, but this time a more recent one involving the Shigaraki Squad all hanging out in the ol’ Villain Shack

-- holy shit

okay but this is so fucking smart, though. these guys keep thinking of things that would never, ever occur to me because try as I might, I just can’t get on the same level of thinking outside the box that they’re at. obviously they’re a good deal more primed to think of creative applications of their own quirks, having lived with said quirks for most of their lives. but still

anyways, look at me, I’m practically beside myself being impressed even though Twice wasn’t actually able to do anything lol. but just, even the fact that they tried is impressive to me. leave no avenue unexplored. god this manga is so good

anyway so now we’re cutting back to the present, and Twice is thinking that he wants to repay his friends for accepting him. “that’s all I ever think about!”

weekly reminder that Twice is in fact the nicest guy in the series. and it’s all the more impressive since he lacked any kind of good influence when he was growing up. dude is a fucking saint if you think of it like that

lol. well no one ever said saints couldn’t be violent sometimes

so now the MLA goons who were formerly watching on the sidelines are all “oh shit” and they’re rushing in to try to help contain the situation

only to be confronted with this

you see?? math. Twice to the nth power. holy shit

also the title/attack name Sad Man’s Parade is so good and evocative that I assumed it must be a reference to something, but when I googled it just now all I got was links to articles and reviews of this very chapter. but I still think it must be a reference though. we’ve had a lot of them recently, including last week’s title, which as @herongale pointed out to me was a reference to The Killing Joke. so if any smart person can figure this one out, please let me know. it sounds like a song or something maybe

anyway I just clicked to the next page and it’s the most badass thing I’ve ever seen so let me just share that with y’all

things I like:

Twice’s face

that last panel. just. that

Twice holding Toga all protectively fffsdfasd

and did I mention that face though. holy hecking fuck my lovable lil LoV mascot is suddenly all grown up and making me feel things. going after all of my weak spots at once! protecting his friends: check. all scuffed up and covered in blood all sexy-like: double check. and last but not least, that look of utter, fearless determination: checkcheckmotherfuckincheck

jesus christ. first Giran and now you. more like League of Thirst, fml. what was that he was saying in the previous chapter about his scary looks?? you know what Twice, you can fuck right off with that noise. I can’t believe you were holding out on us this entire time

anyway so now here’s Re-Destro to chill me out before I completely lose my shit

ah, nothing like that arrogant pointy mug to bring me back down to reality right quick. really can’t wait until someone knocks this guy down off his high horse

and now he’s turning and casually remarking to Skeptic that it’s rare to see him fail. and holy shit though, there’s something about this scene that just sent a chill down my spine

and why did I get flashbacks to that poor lil dead mouse guy just now, though. the thing about Re-Destro is he’s the kind of guy who can and will be all smiles right up to and including the point where he happily snaps your neck for having displeased him. and that is scary as fuck. just look how quickly Skeptic noped the fuck out of there

look at him omg

he sure got the message right away, didn’t he? better go fix things right the fuck now if you enjoy being alive, dude

holy shit. he is genuinely scary. that one panel there may actually be scarier than anything AFO ever did. I suddenly had a rush of appreciation for Overhaul of all people, yes you heard me right, because at least he was just unabashedly Straight Up Evil. none of this pretending to be all nice with this cold dead look in your eyes bullshit

just, I really don’t like how it just seems like he could snap at any time and you’re never quite sure what the final trigger might actually be. it’s terrifying. but I guess that’s the kind of vibe you’ve got to have if you’re looking to be a villain so bad that the actual villains are fighting against you lol

now Giran is straight up not giving a fuck again, and acting like he’s not tied to a chair with one remaining hand and trapped in a room with this profoundly unsettling man, and as usual I love it

you just keep on being insolent and sarcastic you sexy piece of shit. you’re doing great

lol now Re-Destro says they’ll overcome quantity with quality, and wow. that may just be the most delusional thing this asshole has said thus far. have we even been reading the same arc?? are you really trying to say that your Metahuman Army of Jackasses is in any way even in the same league as Tomura’s merry band of ragtag prodigies? just go ahead and admit that they’re wiping the floor with you

and as if to prove my point

tbh I’m genuinely starting to feel like any one member of the League could singlehandedly take out Re-Destro’s entire force. and they haven’t even introduced you to Gigantomachia yet!! my god. RD’s horribly discomforting general vibe aside, this arc is like watching a horror movie play out where none of the victims realizes how screwed they are until it’s too late. and also you’re rooting for the killers because they’re likable and sexy

I do have to hand it to Parka here though because he’s somehow not dead yet in spite of all that, which is legitimately impressive

Dabi even says that his ice is almost gone. you’re living on borrowed time Baskin Robbins

ooh now we’re getting a quick panel of Compress doing his thing while Dabi carries on

Compress are we getting your flashbacks next. I can only begin to imagine what kind of tragic and relatable things you’ve been through and how hot you probably are too underneath that mask. how long until you’re my new favorite character. I’m onto this arc and its games by this point, Horikoshi. you and your motherfucking League of Thots ffff

Dabi is all “why do I have to help you?” lol. classic Dabi

eh what’s this

before I click to the next page, I’m just going to assume he’s talking about the twelve million Twices headed their way

yep

new favorite panel alert

oh my god. this is amazing. more of him to love

LMAO

FUCK YOU AND YOUR CAREFREE SELF-AWARE MANGA HORIKOSHI KOUHEI. I CAN’T LEGALLY MARRY A SHOUNEN MANGA SERIES SO WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS

and Compress is all “wow that sounds like something from a hero story,” and then we’re cutting to another Twice panel so that we can’t see him turning and winking at the audience

Twice says that the League are his only friends in the world and that they’re all precious to him. actually, he didn’t say it so much as he straight up yelled it. nicest guy in the fucking world I’m telling you. what a good egg. what a chaotic good little boy scout

lmao now he’s drunk on power and ambition

lmao go for it. THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER

(ETA: also I just realized what I said before about him not being able to make an army is clearly blatantly untrue, since even though he has the two-clone limit, that hardly matters if there are like 17,000 of him and each of them can clone two other people. he truly is a beast.)

oh my god

are you telling me that you guys are kicking so much ass that it’s actually backfiring on you. “that was such a good plan that we had, but unfortunately we didn’t take into account that we’re straight up gangstas who kick ass and take names”

hell, if the Army’s all gone by the time G-Man gets here, you can just sic all the clones on him and see if it finally gets you somewhere! I’m past the point of putting anything past you guys now. I’m pretty sure you can do anything. I’m glad you’re on our side. oh shit wait

anyway so Compress is checking his dandy pocket watch and says Giganto should be there in one hour and five minutes

are they taking travel time into account?? or wait, I guess Ujiko can just warp him over to their location once he finally wakes up. right

Twice is telling them all that Toga’s in trouble and needs help! yessss help her. I got so caught up in your tremendous badassery that I almost forgot

HEY WHAT THE

RUDE. WHO DID THIS

oh go figure

you know it really is incredible how quickly Horikoshi can get me back on that “so are we going to get any Dabi flashbacks” train though lol. I really should know better by this point. quash those hopes. this manga is not a charity; we don’t give out flashbacks for free just like that

and yet. my brain says no but my heart says “pleasepleaseplease”

so now Ben & Jerry’s is saying that he can also control the temperature of the ice. um, what? it’s already ice; how much colder can it possibly get? unless you’re talking about making it warmer, in which case I hate to break it to you but then it’s water and not ice, and you obviously can’t control water so

oh wait he just means that he can use his ice to freeze other stuff and make More Ice. oh

RIGHT, DABI??

and now Klondike here is launching into some kind of speech, oh joy

hoohhhhh boy

[sidles up to Dabi] hey there boy. that last part sound like anything you’ve heard before? jog any memories for you there bud? provoke any thoughts? spark any reveries??

Dabi you’re really one hell of a closed book, you know that? fuck my life

(ETA: but also! so the real colors of the MLA finally come out, huh. for all their talk of freeing people from oppression, they’re no different from the people they want to overthrow; it’s just that they want to oppress the people who don’t have quirks, or whose quirks are “weak.” no doubt the original Destro had a similar philosophy. can’t imagine quirkless people making out too well in this brave new world of theirs. in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if there was eventually a mass genocide of anyone quirkless. it would get real dark real fast.)

oh shit

everybody sHUT UP, WE’RE GETTING DETAILS ABOUT DABI’S QUIRK AND ABOUT HIS SCARS AHSLDFJASLK

okay first of all, !!!@KLK!L!!!LK!”!!!GGKK

and second, Horikoshi continues the trend of putting the brakes on the League’s powers getting out of control, even as he shows how much they can still kick ass when unleashed to their fullest potential. that’s a hell of a balance to strike

and third, !LJ!L!!!!”!”“!DSFLSDIW for reals though because this is the first we’ve ever gotten as far as actual details regarding those scars and their possible origins, and holy shit but I can’t. finally some more info on the mysterious house elf

and meanwhile Compress is sitting in a mess of melted and frozen Twices, and thinking that it would be great if they could have Haagen-Dazs face off against Gigantomachia. but like, the way he says that kind of implies that he doesn’t think he’s gonna last that long lol. which I’m in agreement with. Dabi you can go ahead and take this popsicle fucker out now

-- !!?!!

okay Horikoshi you can’t just CUT TO UJIKO LIKE THAT WITHOUT WARNING you ass. give me a sec to brace myself first would ya

and poor little John standing there in the corner. John-kun ;_; god that’s so fucked up to just draw him chilling there all but forgotten until he’s actually needed

and what do you mean “if you were to die here.” underestimating them much? but if you want to toss them a bone though sure go ahead

so does this mean he’s going to unleash another High End?? because I’m all out of puns for those, so I’ll have to come up with a new shtick and I can’t just do that off the cuff you know

oh, nope. even better!

yooooooo things about to get lit up in the club omgggggggg

YESSSSSSS

okay first of all is he literally uprooting fucking trees just by waking up from his nap slkjdlfffff how many more ways can Horikoshi come up with to show us how much of a fucking beast this guy is. holy fuck

and second, YESSSSSSSSS. THAT’S RIGHT YOU ARMY MOTHERFUCKERS! PREPARE TO TASTE SOME PAIN. JUST LOOK AT THAT. HE’S GONNA STIR UP SOME CALAMITIES AND SHIT. ALL YOU FUCKERS GONNA DIE, AND I’LL BE RIGHT HERE, WATCHING CONTENTEDLY AND CAPSLOCKING ABOUT IT

hahaha this arc is making me want to be a villain. I can’t help it. they make it look like so much fun. shit

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 230 #twice (bnha)#dabi #mr. compress #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #I like how tomura vanished off the face of the earth after disintegrating all those redshirts #did he actually fall asleep #you're missing out on all the fun kiddo #calamities are stirring and your mascot made 80 thousand copies of himself #I guess he's just resting up for the final battle with re-destro once everything else is destroyed #that's gonna be good #though part of me hopes giran gets to deal the final blow #that would be the cherry on top of this perfect arc #either way I'm looking forward to it

113 notes · View notes

nikatyler · 6 years

Photo

Oh hey, long time no replies. And these are the first ones of this year. I have a hard time replying now. It’s not like I don’t have time - I’m doing okay, actually. I mean, I wouldn’t complain if there was less homework, but still. Free time exists. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to replying to either comments or messages...I replied to asks quite quickly though, which is something unusual for me. Usually that’s where I’m slowest. I don’t know, is this another weird anxiety thing? Like I know I can reply, but I just...don’t?

Anyway...let’s get that done now I guess. There’s a lot of these, apologies if something got lost. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, all I know is that sometimes my activity feed doesn’t show me everything.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Vlad the fashion icon strikes again.”

he's rocking that goth TM look lmao

I mean yeah.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “This brings back memories. Maybe he’s not evil, he just wants some...”

he's vv nice to his friends..... the problem is becoming his friend ��

I was going to reply with “if this ain’t me” but...actually once I get comfortable around people, irl especially, I’m awful to them D: (I can quite easily turn into the sarcastic asshole friend and no one believes me until I unleash it lmao) But anyway yeah I kinda can see Vlad to be that way, now that you mention it

#JusticeForVlad2k19

justkeeponsimming replied to your photo “End of the Year Tag 2 This time I was tagged by @justkeeponsimming....”

Ronnieeee!!! Your sims are SO gorgeous! Love love love this!

Aaaaah thank you so much! ♥

dandylion240 replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

When Ross and Caleb finally got together. I'm still hoping Caleb changes his mind and turns Ross.

If I had replied to this a week earlier, I could’ve used my favourite eye emoji. Oh well. Yeah, it’s good he changed his mind, isn’t it? :D I couldn’t stand the idea of separating them.

jackssims replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

The birth of Miracle! Caleb, Ross, and Sunset! The high school story and when Miracle and Adam got together as well!

ghkjahfljhk lately (I mean for the past few months) I’ve been really disliking Miracle and Adam’s storyline but for some reason when people mention it, they always say they liked it, so I guess I didn’t do that bad of a job?

Same with the good old Zoey storyline. Everyone who has ever talked to me about it said they liked it and thought it was interesting, but I’m over here like “gjkfjgfjhg don’t mention that mess to me ever again”.

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset spent the New Year’s Eve by playing sims. This is very...”

I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

I feel personally attacked

It’s fine, we’ve all been there :D

I think I played sims too this year. Well, first we played some board games with my parents, then there was midnight, I cried, went to see the fireworks (while finishing a bottle of wine but I swear I wasn’t drunk)...oooh and then I watched a stream and edited my sims screenshots! Okay so I didn’t actually play but I edited the pics and like...these are still fun new year’s eve plans, am I right?

melien replied to your photoset “Dawn came over and the two spent hours talking about space.”

I love their outfits! Totally would wear something like this

I like Sunset’s style especially. Well, sometimes she wears clothes I wouldn’t, but for most of the time, it’s just comfy fun stuff I wish I had. Especially considering my dark phase is over and colours are slowly coming back to my closet :D

melien replied to your post “I have some random sims I could share. Anyone interested?”

Ohhhh... on one hand I'd always want sims from you but on the other hand I fear I won't do them justice because idk where to use them rn. Dilemma

pls ask

I’m always down for creating sims for mutuals and friends (I just never talk about it), so just let me know when you want one. Also, I’m sure you would do them justice. I’m really not afraid you would fail there. You know I love everything you do, so... :D

melien replied to your photoset “This guy ♥”

Ending 2018 on a high note

The best note possible

simtress replied to your photoset “Caleb: Isn’t it sad that there are so many ways a vampire can live a...”

i love the name caleb...♥

Me too! I’ve liked it since the first time I had seen it in an English textbook years ago.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Oh god please tell me I didn’t accidentally have risky woohoo on or...”

It'd be fun to see what their kid would look like.

I agree and I’m surprised I’ve never played with their genetics. smh ron

cafeheart replied to your photo

okay he's hot but this also makes me uncomfy for some reason asfdlkjaj put him back

jackssims replied to your photo

I agree he’s got a hot vibe going, but this just feels wrong tbajfnakcn

It is kinda weird, I’ll admit that (but “reimagining” him was fun). It’s like...taking away Caleb Vatore’s weird emo hair. I admit I’ve done that once but it was just to mock myself anyway. I wouldn’t do it “for real”. Emo hair must stay. Yes it’s dumb, but also, it’s iconic. we stan dumb hair

I’d say this is something similar. I don’t want to say anything about Ross is iconic, but...you get my point, right?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Okay, I don’t like this. I have a theory.” Caleb: “I know what...”

👀

The funny thing here is, when I was writing this dialogue, I had no idea what was going to happen later.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I don’t…I don’t ever want this to end.” Ross: “You’re the only...”

Way to dodge that, Caleb

Oh yeah. He’s good at that

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Sunset: I know I said I’d work out today but I really don’t want to…oh...”

mood

An everyday one

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Sim Download: Cara Meadows she/her, bisexual Another one. I imagine...”

ahh she's cute! might have to nab her for my private save ;)

Yay, I’m so happy to hear that! :D

jackssims replied to your photoset “Everything about this picture is a big mood. You may tag yourself now.”

Tbh I’m both Caleb and Sunset

Relatable

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Valentine: “Relationships and love aren’t really for me, but attending...”

Ironically her name is ValentineXD

Yup. Exactly. I bet it must be annoying for a person who couldn’t care less about getting into a relationship.

myopiccc replied to your photoset “Sunset wasn’t born to follow the crowd.”

Seriously!?!? I would never know THEY can use an umbrellas clever way! LOL

Lol they sometimes open it inside. Doesn’t seem clever to me :D But yeah, I didn’t expect them to sit down like this.

solarmoodlet replied to your photo “Sim Download: Enric Noel he/him, gay Sometimes a miracle happens and I...”

hes so cute. added him to my save. Tyvm!

Ahhh thank youuu!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I join you with the last point�� I kinda defeated social anxiety irl but the online anxiety stays. And they say shy people can communicate better online!

melien replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I third the online anxiety, glad to know I'm not alone

I wish I could say I defeated it irl as well...things got better (mainly because I just had to get used to it and grow a thicker skin) but I’m still an anxious trainwreck 99 % of the time :D It’s the same online.

Also, instead of actually starting a conversation with people, I’m always like “oh you know, if you feel like talking to me, just send me a message, I don’t bite” but the problem is I know there’s a lot of us like that here and I’m not the only one with this fear of communication so maybe I should be the one to find the courage once

Wow that didn’t make sense but I think that only proves my point that I’m an anxious trainwreck :D

penelope-and-wonders replied to your photoset “You can put the umbrellas away, guys.”

What fun would that be? ��

Oh right, I can’t have a normal wedding :D It’s a universal rule that I should finally accept. Something would be wrong if everything went right for once.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Leigh Smith she/her, pansexual A long long time ago I...”

Omg, I looove her! ❤️❤️

Thank youuu ♥

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “Sunset: “What can I say? Freaking finally. Took you long enough to...”

The fact that she call him dad :O

Yep, she did. I love the relationship these two have.

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Damn Sunset! You tell her girl ��

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Go Sunset!

That’s what she deserves

sparkiemonkey replied to your photoset “I mean, Sunset was right. Dawn is adorable.”

she is totally adorable

Up until now I was always saying that this legacy has some Good Genes, now with Dawn it will be more like Cute Genes.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Marcella: “What are you two doing?” Sunset: “Watching the clouds!...”

let them be dorks in peace!! lmao

Exactly!! No reasons to judge

cafeheart replied to your photoset “I would lie if I said I saw this coming.”

yknow if someone didnt have context for your legacy this kinda looks like caleb is murdering ross asdkfbbd

omg you’re right and I hate that you are right

vampcatsims replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

noooo he's going to leave him at the altar god this is going to hurt so much

omg wow this is where scrolling down and reading new ones before old ones causes reaction mistakes cuz omg this is for realsies isn't it?

kyveria replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

@vampcatsims don’t worry, ross has already had someone leave him at the altar so Caleb is going to stay ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Haha yeah, they’re going to be fine. I think. Can’t promise anything.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I…how can I say no to this? Yes, Ross. Yes, I will.” Ross:...”

Good! I was scared he was going to say no for a second ��

Imagine if he left him and I’d introduce a new spouse now. Or bring back Jordan. Or Marika.

Omg imagine I’d bring her back and she’d get her “happy little family” she claims she wishes for now.

myopiccc replied to your post “ - fave types of movies?”

Such a tense era! I'm a historic nerd too:)

Yeah, I love it! I mean, I don’t actually love it, there were some bad things happening, no freedom of speech and such, but for me, it’s an interesting era to learn about. I also think it’s important to know about these times because in a way, they’re still so similar to where we are now, we really should look back at them and try to not make the same mistakes...sadly, when I look at the situation in my country...sometimes it feels like people forget. Not just people like me who didn’t experience it and have only learned about it in History classes...feels like even people who have been there forget and it’s sad and frustrating and I wish I could do something about it. Okay rant over.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “Tell me honestly. Did you expect me to change my mind with...”

Nice! But I swear if this somehow backfires and Ross ends up dying...

👀

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

Ross you better not have died!!

jackssims replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

/ROSS/

ajkfaglafkghlahgfk I didn’t realize this would seem like he’s dying I’m sorry for causing panic fjaklflk

I just thought it was funny he set himself on fire and Caleb is over there like “nooo I agreed to marry this freak I have made a grave mistake”

princessdejamars replied to your photoset “Ummmm”

oh no not again

Yes. Yes again. And yeah, I could’ve left without saving. I didn’t. I was shocked when it happened and once I realized he’s pregnant again...you should’ve heard my hysterical laughter. Something is wrong with me and I don’t like it.

cafeheart replied to your photoset “Dawn: “Not a chance.”

sunset looks scared shitless asdkfjdbdb

"fhlakhfalklahkjjkij she’s kissing me I wasn’t prepared for this what do I do jgljfkjhlaafkgl”

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: Nothing happened…I’m fine…I’m just gonna give this dog a bath...”

That's totally not going to lead to more problems later, Caleb, if anything *did* happen (/sarcasm)

Yup. It’s totally okay to do that.

jackssims replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Oh fuck

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “oh shit”

wow

this is wild haha

Basically my reaction

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Dad, you’re home alone?” Caleb: “I think so.” Stella: “Aw,...”

jlkfdzsjlkfadg She's pregnant, he's pregnant, truly amazing

ikr

That’s a twist I truly didn’t expect at the end of this generation. Not that I’m complaining

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Anything else?” Caleb: “What? Is there supposed to be...”

/Caleb/

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “And that’s not all…” Ross: “Huh?” Caleb: “Nothing. Forget it.”

//Caleb//

See Ross and Caleb were made for each other because they both have a hard time learning from their mistakes lol

dandylion240 replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

There's a way to bend the rules. Since Ross will become a vampire. He and Caleb have forever to have a child together. So once Sunset takes over as heir I say anything goes for Ross after that �� but that's just me lol

Ooh, technically that could work! I didn’t even think about that. Good point. I don’t think they’ll have children together but I really do like this idea.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Is there anything you would like to tell me?” Caleb: “I was...”

Good! Caleb got the courage to tell Ross

I mean he didn’t really have another option at this point

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “You’re not going to leave me now, are you?” Ross: “I’m...”

Wholesome Ross (he’s really come full circle tbh)

I kept saying he would get better and no one believed me. There you have it guys, he’s a changed person. Character development! :D

simtress replied to your photo “™¥ â™¥”

*eeps! she's too cute1

ikr, I miss her ;-;

melien replied to your photoset “Stella: I can’t believe it’s actually raining on my wedding day. We...”

It's a free riiiiide when you've already paid

Is this a reference I am supposed to get

Because I’m dumb and don’t get it lmao

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Say cheese hair!”

So don't ask how I remember it because I'm probably too invested lol but your theme with red hair/blonde(yellow) hair in gen 3 of every legacy? It continues

Omg I didn’t even realize! Sebastian and Lynn started it obviously, then in my Raven Legacy it was a little “easter egg” but this time, it’s a coincidence (a nice coincidence). I guess I just can’t have too many redheads!

melien replied to your photoset “oh shit”

The ultimate plot twist

The plot twist I normally would’ve welcomed but this time, I actually felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve it the first time (aka the time I was petty and did it on purpose) and he didn’t deserve it this time either. But still. Aliens. I can’t just quit the game without saving when it has to do something with them, can I?

melien replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

Maybe babies for them perhaps?

Y’all really want them to have kids huh

melien replied to your photoset “Nooooo Rocket :( He’s old now!”

Can Caleb also turn Rocket? Vampire doggo would be fun

Man I’d love if that was possible (even though...I just imagined him biting the poor dog and that’s kinda weird). Buuuut...there’s something else that I did and it’s almost as good.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Minako Ito she/her, lesbian Traits: Good, Loner,...”

All of the Sims you put for download are so pretty! I'm grabbing them all!

Thank you so much ;-;

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “i was enchanted to meet you”

Aaahh nostalgia!

I knoooow ;-; I love them and I miss them and I want to play with them again

I mean I could, first I’d just have to finish the high school story and that’s...highly unlikely lol

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Aliens are in love with him that's true

New otp: Caleb/Aliens. Oh that's weird

They have a weird thing for Calebs

If you guys know a Caleb irl protect them

If you are a Caleb, well...I’m sorry

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Rocket: Hey I’m old, just thought you should know…oh nevermind what...”

This is somehow sad=((

Yeah. I love this little dog so much :(

#replies #unstablesims #justkeeponsimming #dandylion240 #jackssims #melien #simtress #cafeheart #alfalfalegacy #myopiccc #solarmoodlet #tiny-tany-thaanos #penelope-and-wonders #green-productivitea #yamekamerainbows27 #sparkiemonkey #vampcatsims #kyveria #princessdejamars

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psychotic-spectrum · 6 years

Text

I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO MY OWN FRIENDS ANYMORE

Namaste ^^ So I have a question…is it a schizo thing to not be able to talk to your friends? Like we all be chilling, everything’s fine but after some time I just kind of forget how to have a conversation. It often happens when I “embarrass” myself by messing up words or even whole sentences, that upsets me so much my heart starts beating like crazy sometimes it’s so intense my vision starts to get blurry and i feel like I’m in slow motion. In that case it’s Level 100000 uncomfortable but like I said it happens as well when we just be chilling. Even in my own place where I feel really comfortable and everyone else also. At some point I just can’t think of anything to say and it makes me anxious ( if I’m not already anxious because I “embarrassed” myself). I’m then usually trying to force a conversation, which just leads to me asking dumb questions and realizing how dumb they are the second after they left my mouth. I also have bpd so I notice the slightest change in someone’s tone or their facial expressions so basically I just sit there, asking dumb questions and watching my friends first get irritated then bored and finally annoyed. They never laugh at me or make rude comments they’re literally so sweet and kind but idk I guess it’s the borderline that makes me realize all the details that show what they’re thinking and feeling. Like they be glancing at each other for 0.1 second after I just said some dumb shit and someone without mental illness probably wouldn’t notice. I, on the other hand, am waiting for shit like this to happen every second of every day. It’s like I have a seventh sense for stuff like that (thx bpd, I see what ya did there). After a while the whole vibe just dies and everyone starts getting uncomfortable and kinda bored. That, sadly it’s even possible, gives me even more anxiety and I’m one step from going bananas (one time I had to throw up and sometimes I even fucking dissociate in front of other people)!!!! So at this point there’s absolutely nothing I can do, I’m just a bundle of stress and anxiety, like there’s no calming down or getting over it, every attempt to do that is making it worse. My friends are now full on bored and confused and kind of having they’re own conversation, they’re just still there cuz once again they’re too kind and would never leave me sitting there feeling like shit ( little do they know I’m already on my bullshit and I wouldn’t be surprised if they just left lol) sometimes this state lasts up to 3 hours and you can probably imagine how awful that is. I’m constantly thinking about stuff to talk about and when I find something I rehearse it in my head a million times and guess what? I just end up talking shit again. Ok, so I accept the fact that I’m not able to bring up a topic or something so I’m just trying to drop a few comments here and there but nope, I suck at saying “oh” or “yeah I’ve heard about that”. It’s not in my head, like I see the way they look at me when I say something and at some point they even avoid eye contact, like I know I have bpd but ITS REAL IM NOT KIDDING. My anxiety is now on level 10000000000 ( and by that I mean I can’t even control my mimic I can literally feel it I DONT wanna know what it looks like) and my friends are obviously annoyed. Yup. That, I don’t know for a fact, but I’m always feeling like they start texting each other about how they wanna leave, cuz they happen to get a text from their mom or gotta catch the last subway home at the exact same time and the goodbye is like soooo awkward I’m just such a piece of shit I swear I sometimes even fucking apologize to them for being boring or weird or annoying like who the fuck does that omfg I’m 20 years old that’s hilarious. like it wasn’t enough i manage to make it even more uncomfortable and fucked up. When they leave I often start to cry, cut or burn myself or freak out like a little child and toss shit around and kick my Inventar it’s unreal. I think about it constantly for days sometimes weeks and the anxiety is also not leaving, in fact growing day by day because of my overthinking. I really don’t know what to do anymore, it’s making me sick and worst of all, really lonely…I’ve lost lots of friends because of this shit and the few close friends I still have (besides my 2 best friends, I can totally be myself around them, no anxiety whatsoever) will eventually get tired of me and my behavior soon too. I can’t blame them honestly. I think I wouldn’t like me If i met myself. I’m just creeped out, weird, awkward and psycho to the bone. Some of them even feel sorry for me I think. They always go like “sweetie you can always hit me up with whatever, that’s what friends are for” and they be the ones making fun of me in group chats later. Sad thing is they don’t do that because they’re assholes like that (well kind of maybe) they do it because there is basically nothing else you could do but LAUGH AT ME. The point I was trying to get to is: Is that a schizo thing ? I’ve been diagnosed a few months ago and I’m also bipolar and like i said i suffer bpd. I just wanna know if anyone with schizophrenia can relate or if I’m really fucking casually sliding into another goddamn mental illness???

This is one long ass text but I needed to get this off my chest and I have no one to talk about this. Also your blog has helped me so so so much with realizing that the things I do and feel are “normal” I guess when you’re mentally ill. I’ve found many people, who struggle with the same shit i do and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Thank you for creating this little comfort zone where we can share our struggles, experiences and coping mechanisms. I’d be the happiest girl if you took some time to reply to me <3 Or maybe you could post it on your blog so that other people can share their opinions, Im pretty sure there are many people out there that experience similar situations. Even if you don’t share this or answer me I’m still very very thankful that your blog made me feel like it’s okay to just rant about my feelings. Who- and wherever you are I hope you’re doing okay and feel loved today and everyday!! Stay strong !!! Peace and Love, M

Hi, first of all, thanks for trusting me with your situation… look, I’m not sure if this is a schizo thing, in schizophrenia you have disorganized speech and that can cause problems in communication, but what you’re experiencing seems more like anxiety to me, or connected to bpd. I relate because for the longest time I had anxiety communicating with people, I think it’s only decreased in the last three years and I’m lot older than you, I also have bpd and I remember when I was 20 it was a torturte to communicate with people and the anxiety was through the roof, but I link that to my bpd more than my schizoaffective disorder. You’re still very young so you can work on this through therapy, therapy helped me alot to overcome this fear of not knowing what to say. A piece of advice a therapist told me is that, when I don’t know what to say, ask questions to the other person, people love talking about themselves, and you know what, it works!

I wish you the best and I hope you can find the help you need

#submission #answered #bpd #bipolar #social anxiety #schizophrenia #psychosis #problems with communication #disorganized speech #s-parklingsoul

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ts-autumns-world · 3 years

Text

Episode 4: “Tua supremacy babey” - Lily O

I GET TO REUNITE WITH JINX YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

me waking up to see that im in the new tribe: https://media.tenor.com/images/93212119a4887f9fa0ad945c7ae2a5d0/tenor.gif

tbh i expected the swap since like we have 14 rn so its a reasonable number to do a swap before the merge.. but like this swap sucks not only me being the only one from og eener but its also me having to be with these 4 whites ppl. you know i don't trust white ppl except mikki SDFSDFSDFSDF so this absolutely SUCKS. and geekoffilm is on another tribe too.

URGH i hope i can team up with jinx and jude. and joey and i used to play together in CoW so hopefully, i am able to make him want to work with me again.. but monty... monty is very skeptical cause like they could just vote me off now. BUT THEN, i know that either jinx or raffy has the idol for sure, so maybe i need to ask jinx for that. or i just ask the person who i'll be up against with in the tic tac toe to throw a challenge if they are the og eener too.

much to think about bestie booth. i wanna trust these ppl so bad but i have trust issues

https://youtu.be/JrXnnD5KU0I

---

naur this is the plan if we go to council

imma be like joey

you are the only cis white man on the team

you have to go.

you wanna be an ally?

THIS IS HOW!!!

so im pushing for u FEWEJFEEFJEFEIFEFIJW

heS ALWAYS SAYING HE WANTS TO BE A BETTER ALLY

ALWAYS CALLING ME LIKE JINX IM SO SORRY

ILL BE LIKE FOR WHAT??

HE'S LIKE FOR BEING A WHITE CIS STRAIGHT MAN.

IF UR REALLY SORRY ULL LEAVE!

I have to start this out by saying Giraffez, I’m so sorry! I tried my best but too many people wanted to keep us comp strong and wanted Lily O to stay. I really wish we would have had the chance to play longer together but sometimes it’s just not in the cards.

As far as swap goes, I’m really happy about my team. We have a majority from my original group which is pretty wild. I wish Chips was here and I really hope he makes it work somehow but I’m ngl I’m a little worried about him.

I was so so thrilled to see Jinx on Tua with me. I also have started talking with Captain and Jude. They both seem super nice so as always I’m hoping to avoid tribal once again.

I’d like to the think that original Llih (was that how you spelled it?) will stay together but Giraffez told me that Lily O told her that she was voting for me. Now obviously we all voted Giraffez but I think Lily O knows I was plotting. So. I hope we can stick together. But. Yeah. Your girl is worried. And excited. She is excited cause this group seems cool. But nervous because yeah I’m not ready for another vote out. Mkay. Bye.

This swap went pretty well for me all things considered. I still have a bunch of people from my OG Tribe, and the new people seem active and really nice! So, I like my tribe. Blake offered to me today to work together closely in the game which I am down for. The semi-inactive people need to stick together and all that lmao. Other than that, I am straight Vibing

Swap time! honestly its time to kick it into high gear and win this immunity challenge! make some real allies!

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD!!!!!! So I have arrived in a swapped team with 3 of my old members! SOOO happy Mikki is here firstly since we can discuss basically anything. Blake and Raffy im also cool with but not like as close with them. Maybe a bit more with Blake. Of the new people my fav is Chris !! Already liking our chats and hope it can turn more strategic later maybe!! Ricky is also cool and funny and chips I was allies with him in Kili which is cool but probably the weakest connection of the new people so far!! It looks like we are gonna lose and if so its kinda hard like on one hand we have easy majority to vote off idk probably chips or maybe ricky or we could go against tribal linesI think Blake truly does wanna work with me tho but is just busy. Like going against tribal lines is kinda fun but maybe dumb. And chips being the 1 in a 4-2-1 swap sucks too!! Idk kind of evaluating the vibe with Mikki and will see what we think later if we lose… we would probs be safe regardless being protected by tribal lines on one side and having developed sorta good vibes with Chris and Ricky from the other side so probs wouldn’t be targeted from that angle either?? Hopefully… I did have kind of a delayed start with the new people cuz of irl stuff but yah we will see!

My opinion on swap was initially sad because I was missing out on Jinx/Jude/Joey/Captain BUT then I realize I like this tribe?? Im with Ricky still, Mikki probably is sitting at the cookout as we spesk, Chips is lowkey goody but I got my eye on him, Benj and I bond over Agatha Christie <3, Blake I knew from TDI so we have been goofin like a Goofy movie, Raffy I actually enjoy that we chat of the most mundane things, and that's everybody! I think I have a chance to survive on this tribe

---

My thoughts are that I've got Ricky and Mikki at minimum. I know Mikki/Raffy got beef but I doubt they go for each other. Chips is like a level-headed Joey but I reckon one of him/Blake/Benj will be targeted if I had to guess. Nevertheless me and Captain talked during our matchup and exchanged info. My hope is me or Ricky are in Outhouse but I also hope not so we have higher odds to keep the goodies all goodie and safe

https://voca.ro/18WSqZznajDx

---

I LOVE JUDE

so idk where my last confessional left off but i think it was before tribal. so after tribal, jinx’s manifestations came true, we swapped, i ended up on a tribe with no one i knew except chris, so that was kind of…nnng. but hey, gotta roll with the punches. me and jinx were paired up for the challenge which game me a bit of time to talk with them, and they gave me some insight on ppl i didn’t really know on my tribe, and also they gave me a tarot reading, and it basically said that while i’m probably gonna have to deal with some bullshit, i just have to use everything i’ve learned to get over any obstacles, and stay calm and collected through it all. i’m really really praying for this one, since we just lost immunity, and now chris is going to the outhouse, i’m afraid that i’m truly all alone now. and if there’s one thing that scares me it’s being alone. i really like mikki tho, and i heard benj was good ppl. maybe if i let them know that raffy might have the half idol then maybe they’d be more inclined to work with me, but i also really enjoy raffy’s presence, so i don’t really want him to be a target. blake and i have had a good amount of dialogue so i’m hoping that he’d be willing to work with me, to be honest. ughhhhh why why why tribal. WHY TRIBAL. in all my years of playing tumble survivor i’ve never been sent to like…and exile or redemption island ONCE. not once….ever…. please god let me get to the outhouse just one time.

First of all, lemme just say I'm so amused by how quickly my chances of no-votes went RIGHT out the door. But also thank god that it went off without a hitch! And right before a swap, no less New tribe is definitely iconic. LOVE Jinx, Captain and Jude are cool too, and then my Llih buddies are also v nice to have (shoutouts monty and joey)

Tua supremacy babey

https://youtu.be/oP7DWOnmt40

https://youtu.be/Z3_pyWTdRh8

https://youtu.be/UFshPYJ98z0

hello confessional booth... i'm here to give you um. something i hope!!!!

well since the swap, i feel like i've managed to fit in better than i expected cause ive been feeling under the weather and i don't rlly have energy to talk to anyone (which is so great that our tribe won this IC) but i rlly need to work on that more for sure..

joey wants to work with me.. like a lot. we worked together for a bit in CoW before he was voted out and he was a great ally to me back then so i think i can trust joey a little bit? and he rlly wants the pocs to go far so i think this is a good sign.

with jinx, we've been wanting to talk about the outhouse thing but jinx wants to call and i've been feeling sick so we haven't called but hopefully we can do that soon. i trust jinx a lot and i know they're gonna take care of me.

jude.. you know i like her since i saw her intro vid so yup gonna need to talk to her more!!!

lily c.. my fellow teacher pls SFSFSDFSD i enjoy our chat a lot like idt its much but every time we talk, with her, it just feels great and nice and like we just get to know each other so far so i hope we can talk game a bit more but we'll see

lily o.. we haven't talked since the day the swap happened. idk why. maybe she's busy or maybe i should dm her first so i think i'm gonna do that tmr my time if i have the energy.

and monty... PLEASE idk if i can trust monty or not. like he's a good friend of mine but my experience in orgs with them is that they tried to break the swp apart (which was smart but then mikki and i are both playing so gotta keep an eyes on them)

i'm just trying to feel good and hopefully recover soon cause i hate being sick. idk i'm scared of covid!!!!! but i haven't gone outside for a week or two methinks so we're gonna pray and see.

---

missing mikki and hope she will be fine

Blake suggested starting an OG Eneer alliance to Mikki and Benj. They took them up on the offer so I guess I am in my first alliance of the game based on arbitrary reasons. In any case, they seem to want to vote out Chips which is a RIP. But whatever keeps me safe for one more round.

I don’t have an obsession with the Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood sketch from SNL... No I clearly don’t... https://youtu.be/whfQf3Pd5bU

It’s my chronic overthinking in this swap that is going to do me in, I feel. It’s the pressure of having to actually think differently, and coming off of EVERYTHING I’ve seen in this community over the past 6 months, oh good Lord have mercy, I feel as though its so hard for me to want to not sacrifice my game, but at the same time... I feel all the pressure in the world to flip. I did have a lucid dream that if I got to a point where I consistently voted only white people at every Council, it would make my game look REALLY good by comparison, since I literally did everything I could, and no, I don’t want to hear anyone post season say this was rigged for Jinx, it’s not, we’re only going to go against each other down the road because of how this season has been set up, and it breaks my heart

https://photos.app.goo.gl/eSvSGkc4zmBfnYVP7

So here's some tea I suppose. I was a pretty big fan of the tribe swap because people talked more in general. This was particularly interesting considering their different timezones but continued ability to keep up conversation. It was pretty apparent that I was at a numbers deficit from my original tribe but my hope was that people didn't want to play like "that" and then if they did that my former tribe would throw it to keep the numbers. Apparently that is not true as Lily C went as hard as possible to win a challenge she could have convincingly thrown as an "accident" multiple times. At any rate, based on the total lack of communication with me concerning who I am voting it is evident that either the plan is to vote someone without telling me or that it is to vote me. This means that regardless of the situation I am in a terrible position and will be leaving sooner rather than later. I don't know that I've been swap screwed in the past (perhaps, I've been playing for too long) but it really stinks.

For the TL;DR watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzftXB28gBE

http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-no-sir.gif

As I'm writing this, I have a big gulp from... you guessed it... 7/11. I need to flip on one of the three of Monty, Lily O, and Lily C. My best option is going to vote for Lily O, I need Monty and Lily C to know I'm only doing this because yanno, things look awfully awful, and the pressure of making the right move and yet making sure I don't lose relationships is starting to get to me.

I also need them as shields because theyre the only winners in this game, and I need them here as shields for down the road heading into a merge.

I can't even believe I found TWOA IDOLS! I had to think a lot about who to give it too but I decided to do what felt like the smartest thing to do. Jinx and Captain already trust me and I enjoy Ricky but he gives semi chaotic energy. With that in mind, I had to give it to Jude as a sign of faith. Not only am I wanting her to do well, but I want to prove to her I legit want to work with her come merge 😊

https://youtu.be/vOn8Zsi0njA

https://youtu.be/UWTB-LYjbu0

for Chips: https://youtu.be/lSeDZdSEl4o

#tsaw #episodes

0 notes

krystlind · 4 years

Text

my mind is kinda all sorts right now. what am i doing lol but going back to austin was just for me to vibe remember, has nothing to do with this person. i don’t know what i’m feeling, at ALL. i can’t even define it. it has absolutely NOTHING to do with wanting to stay in a relationship with this person, and everything to do with, where does this sit with me? I had this weird feeling earlier today, where I wanted to be jealous and I was trying to make myself jealous. cuz it almost makes it more fun and thrilling that way, and easier to know I’m walking away and we’re doing our own things. i think the strange feeling is that of.. idk what he’s doing right now or who he’s talking to right now. on tuesday we talked on the phone and almost called us off. it was this ongoing back and forth of

“well i want to see you but i just don’t know if i could stand walking into the drama”

“i feel the same exact way. i’ve been much happier solo and silent”

“I don’t have the capacity” “you think i do?”

“we can’t just pretend like everything’s normal we’d have to really work to the relationship”

“look, tbh i don’t even want to work to the relationship. i’m not groveling. we are completely on the same page.”

“yeah but i want to see you so bad and i want to hold you”

“but i’m not going over there, knowing you’re talking to someone else, that would disrespect me, and i just don’t do that. not even close. I’m not gonna be on stand by.”

“no krystl it’s not the case of you being alongside anyone, you’re the priority that’s why i’m talking to you. I want to see you and I’ve made that clear it’s just that if I have the capacity to walk into this again.”

“how do you think if feel?” “the exact same way”

“well, honestly, I’m not going to convince someone to want to see me. this is my effort and I’m not groveling.”

“I know you’re not, i know you want to see me and i want to see you. it’s just like what happens after that. and if we want to continue it would take a lot to work back into the relationship and what would that even look like?”

and I go

“look.. to be honest, i know how i’ve felt this past week. you’ve felt it too. the distance and the space. i’ve started to like myself a lot more. and just feel a lot happier without the toxicity. i just kinda wanted to go for a quick trip and vibe.”

and he goes “okay, well I’d be down for that. I just don’t want to talk about serious stuff.”

“i do NOT want to talk about serious stuff at ALL. like at ALL. I just wanna have a fun time.”

and i made him really commit to that in between this time and that, like i will not have it if i’m coming and he’s talking to others. and he agreed. who the fuck knows, lol and i could be kidding myself. but part of me is like, do i really care? the goal isn’t even to maintain this relationship, to have him as my boyfriend. at ALL. what is the goal here?

to win krystl? to kind of feel like you had the last say, you made a burning impression? damn i go a long way to make sure i win and that somebody will leave on the exact note i want them to. but will they? who cares - i realize this is also for me. i’m here, in loma linda. i don’t even know when our miami lease is starting. i feel in limbo of all sorts! and i just don’t want to be sad and alone so much. i’ve always been good at reframing, and the way i’m framing this situation, it isn’t terrible to me and i don’t think i’m disrespecting myself because i’m kinda going for the kick and fun, and to see some girlfriends, and to be feel like .. i’m wanted and so so wanted again? isn’t that what you always go after, that fuel that feeling? i guess the reason, is that i can say no harm no foul, like i can walk away unscathed, there’s no real big repercussion.

well i’m going and that’s that. i’m not entirely surprised at myself for this move. what i’m trying to keep myself from doing is all the presumptive planning and playing out the a->b->c scenarios, if this then that will happen next. that has never played out as planned in my book, so i just kinda take the next step as it comes.

but the weird feelings comes from: the possibility that he is with someone, or talking, right now, and i’m coming tomorrow, and i “don’t” care and I do because I don’t wanna be disrespected but also, i don’t want to be in a relationship with him? so am i lowering my standards for myself, when it’s like i’m achieving what i mean to? why do i ask myself these questions- i’m so hung up on the “rightness” of the decision and justifying it. but if the goal is to be in “flow” and this is at best a little out of flow, might as well flow with it, because i’m not controlling it anymore. go into things with no more expectation.

i know what i want. and after this run, it’s a life where i am founded on my own internal foundations of love, running my own business, and attracting all the right kind of people, energy and opportunities, and no boy is disrupting my mind and mission anymore. i feel in limbo right now, and in the mean time, i know me i wanna have my fun. so it’s interesting going into this, and it feels a little good because he doesn’t want a relationship with and i don’t want a relationship with him and we wanna “be” physically together. so that makes me feel so much less pressure about the whole thing. but at the same time.. are you disrespecting yourself if said scenario was happening right now?

i’ve already made it up in my mind he’s kind of not a good person. especially the way he was brainwashing me in that one call. that was traumatic af.

okay so you go in it, like a breeze, you exude your confidence and you vibe. for you the baby. you don’t let anyone let you lose, you only win.

and then you step away. this is what this week of silence taught me - i CAN step away and take the pain, and feel good about my growth. painful, but i can trust myself to do it.

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 3 | “It does not look good for our tribe. Honestly, we suck... Really bad. ” - Duncan

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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Wow we’re really flopping this challenge huh! I really hate this as a group challenge bc we wasted so much time believing in an algorithm that doesn’t even work!

okay so i again filmed a video confessional while walking the dog which i WILL eventually upload i promise hosts BUT. this challenge was literally torture, staring at the excel spreadsheet was so draining. TJ did so much work for it so I really really hope we win he is so sweet i was real mean to him at the start for truly no reason NNN i really really want the beauty tribe to go to to tribal, or the brains lot again i guess? i dont really wanna go to tribal even though i think Liam M is the easy vote? i'd rather not. i just feel really drained after that challenge i wish this confessional was even a little bit exciting im sorry hosts

i feel like i underappreciated dan as an ally?! the more i talk to him its like hmmm we vibe and we have similar energy? like i get very different but good energies from all of dan, jake and jordan! which i love, like i feel really good about them all. like what's reassuring about dan (and this sounds weird) is he feels fine complaining about others to me in pms? like jake does the same and that makes me feel really reassured trust wise - like i would never talk negatively about another player to someone i distrusted tbh... so i feel really good about that! i feel like particularly in a maybe swap i'll really bond with whoever i get to swap with even MORE. idk i just feel good about this brawn tribe still i don't want to GOOO.

okay so yesterday was... eventful! i watched the sequester mini with jake which was super fun and then right after... he cracked the tomb and i decided to tell jake about my idol. have i had it since day two? yes. but i told him i found it during the mini so i wouldnt seem sus. i dont regret my decision (so far at least anyway JKASD) because a) he cracked the tomb and immediately told me b) i think he is loyal and particularly since i told him i can and will idol him like i dont think he has incentive to leak my idol unless it comes down to lategame and he wants to blindside me but i don't see myself being able to hold onto the idol until that stage anyway! but yeah so jake knows about my idol so i'm hoping i can use it to my benefit, or to save him because i'm really invested in his success this season. maybe we are gonna be the two brawns at the end woo and tony style even tho i think i'm probs the woo nnnnn

Trace went home and that is yet another potential connection I could’ve had in the game GONE… like the Brains really wanna see me flop huh! It’s interesting that it was 4-2 vote tho like it has my overthinking self spiraling lowkey. I do really feel for the Brains having to lose twice though like I’ve been on a flop tribe before and morale is always low so my heart goes out to them and I hope they beat Brawn xoxo

This challenge? Literal homophobia! Like I love unscrambled eggs and I want my eggs cracked by VARIOUS men but this was not what I had in mind (‘: this challenge being my alliance + AJ is interesting as well considering that AJ was the one person I haven’t established a game connection with but I do really like him. In a way, I do think him participating in this challenge is the best thing that could’ve happened to his game since it allows him to build more connections with others? That being said, Connor on the other hand… is disappointing me in a way like the king isn’t talking much or doing much. If he has personal stuff to attend to, I completely get it and he should focus on that first but I do wanna know so I don’t assume he disappeared yknow (‘: but oh well !!!

I do think me honing in on the fact that Kendall and I are two peas in a pod in this game has her really thinking that which is awesome! I do adore that girl but I gotta keep an eye out (for Selener). She did tell me that her goals this round include the following 1) Set up an alliance with us + Austin, 2) Get AJ to be our alliance’s fake 5th, and 3) Get out Adam. While I am glad she told me all of this, I’m just very cautious of her connections? Austin and I are super close and he likes her, that’s fine. My thing is with AJ because while we were calling, I did pick up on the fact that those two have played before and whatnot so who knows. I’m just a naturally stressed person so ye !!! I do really like Adam though so I hope we don’t lose at all (‘:

I hate myself for being on a call for 9 hours in this game ghjfkdls but that being said, I do genuinely love everyone on this tribe and the thought of losing makes me super emo because I feel close to every person here in one way or another. It’s a dilemma too because us winning this challenge would be ideal but if we do win and Brawn goes to tribal, the Beauty Tribe becomes public enemy number one in a swap scenario because why wouldn’t the other tribes wanna get rid of the tribe that has the most members yknow? It’s a nail-biter regardless ;-;

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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fpSJvDJxy38LcRI4MjwzIa64zT_tytXC/view?usp=sharing

So I'm not surprised that we lost AGAIN! Lowkey I feel like I did everything during this challenge so not only do I feel more defeated, but I'm annoyed that not too many people contributed. Like I have to constantly ask people how they're doing in the challenge, and they provide me with NOTHING!! And I'm tired of voting people out :/ Anyways, I feel like voting out Isaac is a dumb move for my game going forward, because Duncan/Autumn are clearly a duo. Duncan even said to me that he wouldn't mind voting out Devon if we needed too. If we don't swap next round and lose again, I have the feeling Duncan and Autumn are going to try and pit Devon and I against each other. I like to think they'd choose me over Devon since I don't have any connections to anyone. The smart move would be for them to utilize Isaac and blindside me, but I like to think they wouldn't be doing that anytime soon. I feel bad voting out Isaac because I know how much he hated being booted early in Malaysia. So to do that to him again is really sad to me. I would try to convince Devon to split up Autumn/Duncan, but he's all about the 4 going forward. Everyone is and as much as I love the 4, that type of game is boring. Idk maybe my style of gameplay is different than theirs. If I see that I'm in a sinking ship, I make sure to grab a life vest and swim to another boat. I don't sit on the boat and say "okay, time to drown now". Luckily none of them know me for the numerous times that I've flipped on alliances before. If we do swap next round, my plan is to remain loyal to whichever brain is on my tribe. However, this won't stop me from trying to make connections with people from other tribes and making new alliances. If I need to ditch my brains to solidify trust with my new tribe, then that is exactly what I am going to do. In the event that I do leave tomorrow, this game was fun! After being out of the tumblr survivor community for 3 years, I don't think I'd come back for a future org/season because the amount of stress i've been in this past week is more than I've endured with online learning since corona came to town. Idk I wouldn't be surprised if a #blindside came my way.

it's only day 7 and we havent even been to tribal yet and we STILL arent going because we won again, and im already going off the deep end like am i crackedt?? what the hell is happening on this tribe like am i the quiet one or is there just a collective quiet going on since we're just sliding through the game rn?? im not gonna lie it's kinda boring... it's getting weird.....the fact that there's an idol just looming around and someone has it and isnt telling me is making me crazy, and then to make me even more crazy i foolishly decided to sit out of the challenge today, i knew i probably wasnt gonna be good at anything with the letters all jumbled together, im just being real so i decide to spare my tribe and myself mostly the misery and sit out, i dont want to be perceived as weak completely and be voted off right now for it, but i do want to start to make sure people think im not that good at the challenges so i dont have a target going foward- also, im really just not good at the challenges. BUT apparently everyone was just like on a call together all day because of the challenge and obviously i couldnt be in it so :// my own fault! i didnt think it through completely and luckily we won, but if we hadnt, i mean... a day long on/off call is more than enough to bond over and pick a first boot from those not in it, but aj updated me on everything and at least according to him, my name wasnt mentioned and they were mostly working on the challenge and discussing white men, so that means i didnt miss much! im still working day by day on trying to water my relationships with everyone and make sure theyre ready to bloom into my little alliances once its had enough time to absorb all the sunshine i naturally radiate!! However.... others arent doing the same gorl.... like connor, literally messaged me out of the blue just to have a conversation and when i tried talking to him he stops messaging me right away ... like hello is it something i said?? i literally feel like parvati when she was going is it me?? am i being punkd??? also tried talking to kendall again today, i do enjoy her i will say she's growing on me but as of now she hasnt responded to me yet, which is ok since i never respond to anyone either oop hopefully its just not everyone vs. adam already in other news i guess a swap could be coming?? i really just dont want to be on a tribe with jakey because im not ready to dig up the hatchet from cvc lets keep it buried please!! unless he's completely forgotten that and wants to work with me and be my shield again but um... dont think he'd be up for that! im here to play a NEW game not my old one, in any case, no matter what happens i feel like as long as i have any of my fellow A name sisters- AJ, Augusto, or Amir with me, i could possibly be fine... i dont think Amir was really playing me anymore either like i did yesterday smh i think that was just a tangent of paranoia my mind created (maybe ..)

I feel like we have to be swapping tonight like this brains tribe has lost so many challenges in a rwo, that ifit wasnt planned i feel like the hosts have to be like "put it in sis they movin" Im gonna spendthe rest of the of today working on my relationships with the rest of my brawny boys, so no if we do swap, on matter what configurations it lands on I should have options. Still dont know jac shit about the tomb and that is bothering me but thats a problem for another day.

Well, thank god that we were able to pull that challenge out. I knew if we lost it that my ass could potentially be on the line given how large of a role I played in organizing that challenge, so it would have been sad (and hella scary) to have lost that. But I do think I've shown that I can be a valuable asset to this tribe now in the event that we somehow stay in tribes for another round. I'm anticipating a tribe swap here this next round, so I kind of just need to prepare to meet some new people and hope that I'm on a tribe with some people that I've gotten along with. Ideally, I'd have Jake with me and we'd act as if we weren't that close, but I'd be happy to see basically anyone but Liam there with me. He's a great guy, but I know he doesn't trust me, I know I don't trust him, so I really don't want that to be my only lifeline on a swap tribe.

okay so in the event we swap out of the brawn tribe tonight... which would be TRAGIC i wanted to do an in memoriam of apis 1.0! TJ - i was SO rude and wrong about him! he is genuinely so sweet and lovely, and super hard working. i think he would be a good one to swap with, it would build our bond and he is a challenge workhorse! i hope he isn't mad at me for my round one confessionals, just know tj that i was WRONG and that i was the clown! Lovelis - I get really good energy from him but we also... never talk so idk where I'm getting that from? I think he is definitely going to be a casualty of the swap, I see him definitely getting picked of? Which would be sad! idk we will see Liam M - He is really sweet, but we also talk super infrequently? I feel like he trusts me which is good?! But I think he is definitely gonna go premerge unfortunately just since he isnt super active? we will see ahh Jordan - I really like Jordan i think he is great! we are working together but something about his energy has seemed... off recently? and jake has noticed the same thing and idk what to do with that it just seems off? idk i feel like we potentially are gonna drift apart as allies which would be a shame! Dan - I really love Dan, he has such good energy which I really vibe with him? I think I kind of underestimated his potential as an ally which I really regret I like him a lot tbh.. I'd like to build that trust further for sure, he just gives off such good ally energy Jake - ahh yes have left my favourite for last. ugh i love jake his energy is the best and i trust him 100% unequivocally. he knows about my idol (may've kept it a secret for two rounds but i told him eventually which is what counts jasldfkas) i want him to succeed in this game so badly, im really hopeful for him to SNAP also quickly about the brain tribal, i just hope isaac/autumn/duncan are safe. those are my only preseason connections and would kinda love to see any/all of them in a swap situation tbh i think i want that devon slithers man gone he seems sneaky (is it just because slithers sounds like a snake yes)

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It’s been way too quiet around here so I’ve accepted that Duncan/Autumn/Devon/Isaac are all voting me out tonight. Devon keeps talking to me about the swap and really emphasizing about it, so I get sketch vibes from that. Plus that Duncan/Autumn duo is very strong so it makes sense for them to want to vote me out. Plus apparently Isaac is writing my name down tonight so... it’s been fun! I enjoyed my 7 days that I spent here and can’t wait for the perjury trip with Trace and Bodhi 🥳🥳🥳

Lowkey kinda bummed we won this challenge. Which probably raises a few death flags but whatever. I would have liked to put our alliance to the test before a swap :/. It also would have been neat to have the fucking idiot who voted with Trace as a spare vote, now they are definitely going to get fucked. Luckily the challenge provided some new optunity for alliances. For starters we can make a natural extra alliance with AJ without drawing conclusions to a mysterious third faction. Even though Connor did jack shit... I'm not bitter just... disappointed. :/

PERIODTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, WE WON HOES! Like I am incredibly shook that we won because I was ready to jump off of a ledge hgfjkdl so yay for that! The Brains lost and I really do feel for them but Brawn winning makes our numbers equal and the Brawns are more threatening overall so that should mean that Brains would want to work with us in a swap scenario yknow? I’m just shook I’m on the winning tribe ghjfdks

Now that we won, I SHOULD be chilling right? Well, I hate myself so I’m not doing that one bit. I am deathly afraid of a swap next round because the makings of a swap are all there (a flop tribe that needs a swap to save them, us being at 18 people is perfect for 3 tribes of 3, etc). I’m scared I will get swap fucked in some capacity so I’m just aaaa. That being said, I do want to make sure I leave on amazing terms with everyone before we swap in case I am separated from anyone or I join some of these legends on a new tribe.

honestly, our tribe has been pretty much on a high. our most recent challenge seemed like something tailored for us to lose, and while i was nervous for a second, we were able to best the brains tribe and send them to tribal for the THIRD time. (i really thought they'd have that one in the bag!) i feel sorry for those nerds, they just can't catch a break :( but seriously, the challenge itself really opened doors of opportunity for me in the game i feel. me/kendall/amir/augusto were on call from 11AM est to the time challenge results went up.. and it was an experience. we all got along pretty well and put our braincells together to get through that challenge, but their company was what made it worthwhile! connor was also participating in the challenge, but he didn't really do anything. although i know he's been pretty busy lately so i'm not too bent about it and completely understand, just wish he said a little more in the chat other than the two messages he did! i think what i'm preparing for right now is the swap. i really wanna cement solid relationships and allegiances with the people on my tribe as we anticipate going into bigger tribes as of next round or the round after. i wouldn't mind just staying on this tribe, though. our dynamic is great, the people are great, and we're even better in competition. there's really not much of a loss there if you ask me!

So in the past 24 hours I've worked my ass off to try to get Autumn and Devon to vote with me against Scott and/or Duncan and I'm not getting my hopes up. Like everything they've given me has been so vague and I've tried to go the extra mile to try to get Autumn and Devon to trust me. I think I'm going home tonight and if I do that's tragic but not exactly a #blindside. It might be my curtain call but I hope I at least made them doubt each other.

Also #FuckThoth, Jess rigged me out

Me waiting for tribal to happen: https://66.media.tumblr.com/c327b3a59ef66f9835241d079c1fbe39/tumblr_n20f10EtZH1rkuhmio2_400.gif

Me if I make it out alive tonight: https://media1.tenor.com/images/664df9da1de6fb8913ff67b2ca8234e0/tenor.gif?itemid=16269462

Me if I get voted out tonight: https://media.giphy.com/media/aUW1R5qccvQ3K/giphy.gif

I HATE IT HERE I WANNA GO HOME!!! I feel like the underpaid babysitter that the parents forgot about cause these boys are triiippppinng. I’m selling the vote so well to Isaac I actually wanted to vote Scott with him and I was going to but my damn alliance has him secondguessing and now everyone is all misty eyed about being split while Isaac is panicking so the solution is a CALL. Even though we call EVERYDAY so there ain’t shit to talk about??? Isaac has been blowing my pm’s up all day so no sir, no farewell calls. My emotional energy has been spent for the day lying for 6 hours straight thank you very much. Scuncan and Devon need to cut the melodrama out cause we have a whole game left?? So we will see each other again??? And if we don’t, we don’t. Also we could not get swapped tonight??? So simmer down. The Lord NEEDS to take me cause I can’t do it. Everyone needs their hand held and their feelings coddled and I’m tired. Less kumbayah, more playing Survivor

So we won again! I felt terrible in our challenge chat because I really couldn't get my head around the patterns and shit everyone else was doing, honestly hope they don't see general weakness in me because of it.. I'm good at like, everything else, but I dunno, this season's just not been looking favourably on me yet. After the flag incident and then that challenge, I feel like I probably am in the most danger, and I still don't know what to do about it except spam everyone all the time in hopes they feel some social tie to me... I hate it here I rly do. Hopefully we'll start to get more comps I can excel in because so far it's been flop after flop and I rly hate to see it.

Not AJ telling me that I am the person he is closest to on this tribe… I’m crying ugh, I feel so bad for wanting him to leave first like I didn’t get to know him well until recently but I really do like him… why was I blessed with these iconic people on my tribe? Game aside, I do like them all and want them to slay in life <3

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I'm so screwed if I don't win this immunity challenge. I know I'm a weak link, so if I don't win this, hopefully *dan* doesn't either cause I might have to target him to save my skin. This is where I'm really gonna have to be social over the next day, cause my ass is quite literally on the line right now. I'm not getting 18th-16th, screw this.

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Okay I’m gonna say it, I love my alliance so much.I will not play with my heart and I’ll kill them if I have to but I really really really don’t want to, I obvi love my alliance with Augusto, Kendall, and Connor so much, but i will not play with my heart and ill backstab them if i have to but i really really dont want to. I would also like if adam austin and aj were safe. I really really like adam a lot. he is a fking sweetheart, and hes so funny. Austin is also great and super genuine and kind. i feel bad for calling him boring earlier, and aj is just funny and cool in general. the best case is we never have to go to tribal and i get to keep my inbred nocturnal intoxicated-at-all-times tribe members here. I am gonna need as many of these people in the game as possible for the swap and for the merge, and if we end up do having to go to tribal, I will do everything in my power to keep the tribe from getting divided, because we're gonna need each other to take down the brawn tribe.

I want to be tight with every single one of the beauties because a swap is likely coming and I need them, and the biggest issue rn I see moving foreward is if brawn and brain align, so we must snatch the brains first. every one keeps talking about being stumped about the tomb and I just keep lying DKNDKDNDD but I am lowkey scared they know I’m lying

#BackWithVengeance

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