#if my sister did this to me I would become worse than anyone could ever imagine

[the-darkestminds]

I wish soooo badly that Nesta had said something like “taking a page out of Tamlin’s book?” to Feyre when they told her she’d be locked in the house of wind. Feyre prob would’ve cried and Rhys prob would’ve killed Nesta for making Feyre cry but the satisfaction for me in that moment would’ve been 🤌

[impyssadobsessions]

DPXDC Prompt: Amnesia Danny learns a lot more about himself than he ever did before.

Danny ends up with amnesia after a recent ghost fight that landed him straight into the Kent's family farm.

He had no reason not to believe he must be an alien too- from Ma and Pa's reactions to his powers to his acceptance into hero circle.

That is until he met Jon's friend Damian- who recognized him immediately. Was he not from space? Despite his love of stars- if he wasn't from space then where did he come from?

When he slowly discovers more and more of his past nothing makes sense. What version of his past is true? Who was he? Why did so many people claim to know him?

He hoped he can figure it out soon before a war develops between fractions that lay claim to him.

(not demon twins but perhaps siblings ;3 or some secret third thing) Below just continuation of my thoughts I posted on discord ;3

Just makes me think the more Danny learns something else throws a wrench into! Like- Imagine he starts learning about the LOA and what Damian knows- then bam GIW are claiming Danny's hero persona- to be Phantom.

And everything keeps going down a rabbit hole.

Even ghosts or perhaps the ghost he was fighting that caused this confronts him to- or to the media at large. Revealing something else to him. Perhaps it was dan or a version of- or its Plasmius

Or a new ghost entirely with ties to that.

Or could add ghost king to really mess with stuff- and its Pariah wanting his crown back.

Just so many ways to make this into a shit show.

Danny's friends and sister getting involved too- happy to see Danny safe- but Danny just confused.

His brain hurts and he's at a lost at who he is.

Even worse if his dna did show him as part alien. So his world is flipped on its head even once he remembers himself- or the part of himself he knows the most.

I think it would be a fun idea to play with. Creating more and more mystery. And by the time Danny gets some idea- something else happens.

LOA is pissed, GIW are too- Ghost problem is ramping up - everyone wanting to take claim to Danny and Danny just wants to know who he is and how stop the fighting.

But imagine Danny getting acceptance from the league- and maybe they finally get answers who Danny's parents are- why does he have alien dna Danny actually going through puberty with his powers same time as his accident so he never knew and imagine Danny saves the world and becomes into himself. He still doesn't have all the answers but he has enough to know WHO he is- and he's not going to let others taint that image for him.

He's sure he'll find out more as time comes but for now- he's who he strives to be. it definitely be such a big ass story but it would be fun to play with different identities maybe a few red herrings if you want to be extra- but i think just even knowing all of danny's identities be interesting. how people have perceived him to what he actually has done and was. maybe before they use slade to make respawn they experimented with another hero dna or an alien dna in general that was unfortunate to cross their path- and the two grew up together- but found Damian's compassion towards the other as a hindrance. maybe booster gold or impulse know danny from the future due to time travel and/or how he was seen. or if anyone from bad time line before traveling back only remember Dan. ewe luckily Ma and Pa kent supporting Danny through this and protecting him- bats too

So he isn't all on his own but he's certainly confused.

Imagine they help him the most in accepting who he is.

[cxlamarisalxmi]

Some Sunny Day

[Platonic Drabble]

c/w: angst, depictions of trauma and injury, character death, no gendered terms used to describe reader

a/n: I couldn’t help it, the part two of the Spider-Venom reader is in the works and is being written and edited consistently and progressively, but this was inspired by me feeling in the shits about my trauma so.. here we are lol

—

[Unedited]

We’ll meet again

You hadn’t given much thought to how you would die, not ever really considering the thousands of possibilities that would result in the loss of your life. Never really finding the consideration of those pathways important enough to think about long enough.

Don’t know where, don’t know when

Perhaps you should have— maybe this wouldn’t be happening otherwise. That’s a lie, because death is inevitable.. it was coming for you one way or another. Perhaps it wasn’t you trying to trick yourself into believing you could avoid it— but prepare yourself for it instead. Had you considered all possibilities of death then maybe you could’ve prepared yourself for the painful one you had come to face.

But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day

It did not announce itself, did not trumpet it’s arrival. It had been silent, quiet in the darkness as it coiled itself around your throat pulling you off your feet. By the time you had seen it coming.. it had already set it’s teeth.

Keep smiling through

You didn’t wish for anyone to be sad for you, it was a good life you had lived. Sure, it didn’t start out too great but it had been decent.. and then it had turned for the better when you had found them.

Just like you always do

You didn’t want anyone to force their lives to a screeching halt for your sake, that wasn’t fair.. and you knew that regardless of what you had thought— they would celebrate your life everyday from here on out. Now settled in the acceptance of grief, the stage that had come after a long and painful endurance through denial, anger, bargaining and depression.

‘Till the blue sky drives the dark clouds far away

They had felt such a dark and heavy cloud hanging over them since your death, and they had grown accustomed to it. Not bothering to address the way all of them were feeling about losing you. Suppress it down and ignore the searing ache in their chests —they believe— being the best way to overcome it and grow forward.

But you knew that was utter bullshit and you had wished they knew that too. Ignoring it will only make it worse, because ignorance allows the pain to linger. And if it lingers long enough it will fester and grow into a raging inferno that will swallow them whole.

Only in acceptance could they move forward, only in accepting that you were gone could they move on. Grow past it and become stronger together. And you believed they could, they just had to let themselves do it in their own time— at their own pace.

And eventually, that dense and weighted cloud overhanging them would be driven away.

So will you please say hello

You were Miguel O’hara’s eldest. And you had been with him through everything, after the loss of your younger sister the two of you couldn’t overcome the grief that had overwhelmed you both. And in the wake of that dimension’s destruction— there had been a wedge driven in between you and him.

Your relationship, previously stronger than any trial or tribulation life had thrown your way, had shattered to pieces. And you had attempted to at least pick up the shambles and put your bond back together.. but you had met a wall every time. A wall your father had built around himself to protect his broken heart and vulnerable soul from ever being touched again.

He hadn’t made an effort.. so you figured you shouldn’t either, and just accepted the turn of his back on top of the ache you felt at the loss of your younger sibling. The weight of guilt at killing all those innocent people had become the icing on this shit cake.

To the folks that I know

It was hard for you to grow past what had happened, because you were doing it on your own. In the wake of it all, it was you and only you trying to mend yourself back together. What hurt the most was that you had depended on your father to be there for you.. you had expected that this would only make your relationship stronger. Not tear it apart.

And it was naive of you to think such a thing, childish and ignorant of you to dispose of your initial thoughts that he would react this way. Because maybe if you had you’d have been far more prepared to take the bullet that his neglectful response had fired at you.

In the end of it all —the final steps you had taken to improve yourself— you had developed a fierce sense of independence. Nobody has your back better than you. And that was the unfortunate and heartbreaking truth that you had faced head on, it was a hard pill to swallow but it was necessary for you to move forward.

You garbled a cough, the gob of blood previously sitting in your throat jacked up to spill down your chin.

You grunted as the pressure in your chest grew exponentially, the rebar pierced through your chest causing an uncomfortable sensation to sit heavy beneath your ribs.

Tell them I won’t be long

The young teenagers who have come to adopt you as their elder sibling will be heartbroken. You knew that well, and you hoped that you father had picked up on the subtlety in your message to not reveal you were dying.

They wouldn’t take it well, and you knew they would follow your father to this dimension. The last thing you wanted was for them to experience more loss than they needed at their age. You couldn’t help that though, this was going to court one way or the other. What you could control was them being there in your final moments.. you had thought that maybe it’d go down easier if your father just told them you had gone peacefully.

They’ll be happy to know

It certainly would’ve been easier for them than seeing you impaled through the chest and coughing up the blood that had begun to slowly fill your lungs.

They’d at least have some semblance of peace within the grief and pain they’d feel that you didn’t go in pain. Regardless of the fact that this was easily the worst experience you have ever had the misfortune of dealing with. But they didn’t need to know that nor did they need to see you like this.

That as you saw me go, you saw me singing this song

When your father had finally arrived he had rushed to you immediately, his mask peeling away as he approached and dropped to his knees at your side.

“No, no no no, not again. Please no.”

“Dad…”

“Shhh,” he encouraged softly, “don’t talk. Save your strength, I’m going to get you out of here.”

“It’s too late.”

He didn’t listen to the way you quietly murmured those words, their execution breathed on a plane of exhausted agony. Your heart’s rhythm slowly fading from it’s previous thunderous beat in your ears. Slowing as it gradually eased itself into a state of utter still and silence, not having enough strength to continue to keep you alive.

Miguel wouldn’t let this happen again, he refused. As he thought of the best way he could move you he thought back to when you both had come back from the dimension that had unraveled. How he had shut you out, built barbed barriers thick and tall— and left you on the outside of them.

At the remembrance an abrupt ripple of regret shucked down his back, it made the blood in his veins turn bitterly cold. It was regret that was soon joined by grief that settled in his heart, heavy as lead sinking through his chest at the prospect that you would not make it.

And he suddenly felt knots tighten themselves up in the gaping in his stomach, because he didn’t even know what the right thing to do was. He couldn’t accept this, he couldn’t.. not again. But you were in pain, certainly worse than anything you’ve ever experienced. Not only that, but you were certain it was far too late for you.

He knew if he pulled you off that thick rebar pipe you would immediately bleed to death, if he left you on there you would die of a broken heart. Literally— the rebar had punctured through your heart and lung. Now both metaphorically and physically torn apart.

“It’s too late dad.”

“Please—”

You reached up to him, cupping his cheek as he laid his hand against your own. You lifted your opposite hand to hold his wrist as he brushed his gloved thumb over your bloodied and bruised cheek.

“Please no, not like this.. please there’s too much.. too much I have to do to show you I love you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to shut you out mi amor I’m sorry—”

You did to him the same thing he had done to you seconds prior and interrupted by brushing your gloved thumb over his angular cheekbone. You felt the familiar sting in your eyes and burn in your nose as you watched him. His eyes broken and devastated, the windows into his soul wide open as his defenses crumbled. His brows taut together and a hurt frown tugging his lips down.

“It’s okay,” you promised giving him the only smile you could manage. Soft and small— but full of all the love a young child has for their father. “It’s going to be okay.”

Miguel couldn’t contain the pain he was feeling a moment longer, and his ache had erupted in the form of the rivulets of tears gliding down his cheeks. And he listened intently to them as they spoke, holding them in his arms as best he could with the rebar through their chest. Still holding their face and leaning down to press their foreheads together, he internally wept at the way theirs felt colder.

“We’ll meet again,” you promised smiling up at him as he held you in his arms and kept your foreheads together. “I don’t know where, and I don’t know when.” You felt the way your heart continued to slow, the pressure on your chest increasing dramatically as exhaustion began. “But I know we’ll meet again—”

Finally the injuries had grown to be far too much, and you had only wished you had told him how much you truly loved him no matter what. How much you had understood his feelings and how you had already forgiven him for the toxic way he had decided to cope. Breathing felt like too much work, needing extensive energy that you no longer had.

Your heart gave up first, and the very last thing you saw before the black that had been seeping in from the edges consumed you entirely— was your father looking you in the eyes with the love you had craved from him since the loss of your sister. Your lungs followed after, and Miguel only sobbed harder at the way your chest rose, then fell, rose once again.. and fell.

He felt sick and angry at himself for the way things had gone, the regret he’d felt since the destruction of that universe was abruptly more pronounced in his chest. And he wept over your body, long since gone cold, as he completed the promise you had made to him. Whispered against the skin of your cheek —cold to the touch— and lost of all color and vibrant life held within.

“Some sunny day.”

—

a/n: when this was being written I was listening to life eternal by ghost and it just encouraged me to put as much ouchies in this as I possibly could so I killed ya!

[madneedshelp]

See Me - Eddie Roundtree x FReader

Summary: You had spent your whole life trying to prove yourself, to be seen. Living in the shadows of your brothers was exhausting, but you fought to make a name for yourself. So, how could not fall for the only person who saw you no matter what?

You had always been Billy and Graham’s little sister to everyone. It didn’t even make sense because you and Graham were twins, but you were still always considered to just be somebody’s something. You were never known as just you.

When you were a kid, you were mildly annoyed by your afterthought status, but you expected the feeling to fade with age. It didn’t. It was only made worse when The Dunne Brothers formed.

Did Billy and Graham ever ask their own sister if she wanted to join the band? Of course not. You didn’t play any instruments, but you had talked about wanting to learn before. It kind of hurt how little attention they paid to you.

Instead of let it drive you crazy, you decided to use it. You were going to make them see you, and then maybe it would feel like they gave a shit. You were even lucky enough to have the perfect opportunity open up.

You could tell Chuck was flaking. He wasn’t serious about the band like the others. So, you took up bass guitar in secret. You were earning your spot in the band once he left, because you could very obviously tell he was leaving.

Sure enough, right before the band was leaving for LA, Chuck told them he was done. You walked out in the driveway to find the remaining band members looking absolutely pissed. 

“What’s going on?” You put a hand on Graham’s shoulder to catch his attention. 

Billy beat him to an answer. “Chuck quit. Now we’re out a bass player.” 

“The fuck are we going to do, man?” Graham looked over at him. 

“I don’t know, Eddie can switch to bass for us.” Billy spat out.

You glanced over in time to see a flash of anger in Eddie’s eyes. He didn’t want that, and frankly, neither did you.

It was now or never. “Let me do it.” 

“You play, little Dunne?” Warren asked. 

“Yes,” You assured him at the same time Billy and Graham let out a sure “no”. 

Your brothers turned to you in surprise the second the words left your mouth. 

“Since when do you play?” Graham gave you a suspicious look.

“Long enough to be better than Chuck.” You folded your arms and looked between him and Billy sternly. “Will you give me a chance to prove it?”

Everyone turned to Billy as he turned to you.

“Fine, yeah, let’s hear what you got.” 

You played one song for them and the vote to let you in was unanimous. 

————————

There was nothing quite as exciting as the feeling when you all arrived in LA. The night after you arrived, you all partied hard. Sure, you all didn’t know what you were doing or how you were going to make it, but you took a huge leap and that called for celebration in your eyes.

“Hey, I never got to thank you.” Eddie handed you a beer as he took the seat next to yours.

You thanked him and took a swig. “Thanked me for what?” 

“You saved my ass before we left. I like where I am, I never wanted to be a bass player. Besides, you’re way better at it than I am. You could kick anyone’s ass at bass.” 

You chuckled at him. “Well, I don’t know about that.”

“No, I’m serious. We should’ve kicked Chuck out when he started skipping practices ages ago.” 

A genuine smile grew on your face. No one has ever complimented you this much before. Especially not someone you barely knew. Eddie hung out with Graham, the most you’d really talked was small conversations in passing.

“Thanks, Eddie. I really appreciate that.” 

He gave you a smile in return and you felt a flutter, an honest-to-God, romance movie flutter. That was not good. You couldn’t fall for someone in the band, things would blow up if it didn’t work out. 

You excused yourself and went to find Camila. She might’ve been Billy’s girlfriend, but she had quickly become your best friend. 

“Hey Cam, come get another drink with me?” You put a hand on her arm.

She turned to you and nodded. “Yeah, sure.” You led her back inside and went immediately to the fridge. “More beer or should we open a bottle of wine? Fair warning, it’s super cheap and super shitty, but it’ll do the trick.”

“How about you tell me what happened with Eddie out there first?” She gave you a sly look.

You closed the fridge and whirled around. “What? Nothing happened!”

“Oh there was definitely a moment. I saw some looks over there.” She poked you. 

“He was just being nice about me joining the band. That’s it. Nothing more.” You held up your hands defensively. 

“Why not? Eddie’s a good guy.”

“I just got in the band, I’m not complicating things with that. Besides, we’ve barely ever talked before. I don’t even think you could call us friends yet. The most important thing right now is figuring out how to actually get famous out here.” 

Camila considered your words for a second and shrugged. “I guess you have a point there. And I wouldn’t worry about you all making it, I have faith in this.” She looped an arm through yours. “Now, let’s go get drunk off our asses on this cheap wine.”

————————

After that night, you found yourself acutely aware of everything Eddie did and it frustrated you to no end. Every time he glanced at you in practice, every compliment he gave you, every little gesture he did. The last thing you wanted to do was develop feelings for Eddie, but it looked like it was maybe too late for that.

Y/N: To make matters worse, Camila had definitely not done what I asked and liked to play the subtle matchmaker. She thought I didn’t notice, but she was pretty obvious about it. 

Camila: So maybe I tried to get them together, is that so bad? Y/N was skeptical, but I knew it wouldn’t blow up like she thought. Besides, I’ve known them almost my entire life, and they deserve to be happy. 

“Hey, would you mind grabbing some ice from the kitchen?” Camila called out as she arranged some plates of food on the table. 

It was Julia’s first birthday, and you and Cam decided to plan a little gathering for it. Just the band was there, it wasn’t anything huge. 

“Yeah, of course.” You dusted off your hands as you finished setting up a folding table. 

“Great! Eddie, go help her.” 

You didn’t even have time to shoot Camila a glare before he nodded and started toward you. Instead you mouthed not funny at her as soon as Eddie couldn’t see. She gave you a smug grin and mouthed you’re welcome. 

You followed Eddie into the kitchen, nervousness faintly tingling in your veins. This man had entirely too much power over you. You had tried everything to get him off your mind, and it would work for a little, but then he would tell you he liked that little riff you threw into that song or he’d bring you your favorite drink after you and Billy had an argument over some stupid thing at the studio and you would turn all mushy again. You had come to realize that he understood what it felt like to be overlooked and maybe that was why you felt a weird connection with him. 

“You seen the cooler?” Eddie asked, bringing your attention back to the moment. 

You glanced around. “Yeah, it’s up there on top of the fridge. One second.”

As you stood on your tiptoes to reach for the cooler, you were realizing that you weren’t going to be able to reach it. Then you felt the ghost of warmth behind you. 

“Here, I can help with that.” Eddie’s smooth voice murmured above you. 

Instantly, you felt your face flame. God, you hadn’t behaved like this since you were thirteen. It was more than a little embarrassing and you sure as hell weren’t about to let him see you like that. As soon as Eddie snatched the cooler and stepped away, you put distance between the two of you. 

“I’m going to go see if Cam needs any more help, you got this from here?” You blurted as you made for the back door. 

“Wait!” Eddie grabbed your wrist gently. You flinched out of surprise, but he immediately dropped your hand. “Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to talk.”

“No, it’s fine, uh, what’s up?” You put on an entirely forced smile. 

Eddie folded his arms and gave you an earnest look. “Did I do something?”

“No,” your brows furrowed. “Why?”

“You avoid me all the time. I don’t know if I pissed you off at some point, but you act like I’ve got the fucking plague or like you want nothing to do with me.”

It stung a little bit. He seemed genuinely hurt, and you never wanted to do that. “No! It’s not you, Eddie. You haven’t done anything wrong, I swear.”

“Then what’s wrong? It’s bad enough being in a band with one Dunne that can’t stand me, I don’t know if I can handle two Dunnes acting like that.” Eddie threw his hands up in frustration. 

You closed your eyes and sighed. “Eddie, I promise I don’t have a problem with you.”

He took a step closer to you. “Then why do you act like you do?”

His tone was becoming more and more irritated, and the insistence was starting to annoy you too. He was going to make you say it, wasn’t he? But honestly, maybe you should’ve just told him. It had been well over a year of pining. If continuing to act like this was going to cause a fight, maybe it would be less chaotic to tell him and see what happens. Things couldn’t keep going the way they were, regardless. 

“You really want to know why?” 

He nodded. “Please.”

You took a breath and looked him directly in the eyes. “I like you, okay? And I don’t want to like you because liking people in your band doesn’t usually work out well, but it’s been too fucking long and I can’t stop feeling like this so I avoid you.”

Eddie let out a dark chuckle. “That’s it? You’ve been ignoring me all this time because you like me?”

“Yeah, I have. And don’t act like that’s so wild. My reasons make sense. It’s not stupid.” You practically spat the words. 

There were lots of ways you had envisioned this possibly going, but you never thought he’d be this angry. You didn’t think he’d be angry at all. Awkward maybe, but not pissed. 

“It is stupid, actually.” 

Your head snapped toward him. “I’m sorry, what?”

Eddie stepped closer again. “I said that’s actually pretty fucking stupid.”

“Eddie, I swear to God, if you-”

Eddie crashed his lips against yours before you could say another word. Your shock wore off after a moment and you were able to kiss him back like you’d wanted to for so long. The two of you broke apart after what felt like a small eternity, panting and grinning.

“Graham owes me $20.” Warren chuckled from the doorway. 

Both of you jumped apart and were met with Warren’s pleased face. 

“How long have been there, Warren?” You stammered.

“Long enough, Little Dunne. Long enough.” 

You pointed a finger at him. “Keep it to yourself, or you lose nickname privileges.”

“We already know!” A voice called from outside. Karen. 

You rolled your eyes. You kind of hated your friends sometimes, but you also kind of loved the infuriating little shits. 

“Whatever, let’s just get the ice back out there.” You shook your head with a laugh.

Eddie grabbed the cooler with one hand and your hand with the other, and you had to admit, you felt way less scared of the possibility of dating a bandmate. 

————————

Y/N and Eddie Roundtree got married a year after Daisy Jones and The Six broke up. They currently work together producing music and are still located in LA. Their daughter and son already have a huge love of music, and are rumored to be starting a band of their own.

[lovemyromance]

Stop Kicking Elain out of the NC

She doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to leave her family. The cauldron turning her into high fae was unfortunate, but in typical Elain fashion (my favorite quality of hers) she made the best of a terrible situation and adapted to her new home, her new body, her new life. She has friends. She glows with health. She is mending the relationship with her sisters. The male she loves is there.

Why would she want to leave?

And if anyone brings up the fact that Cassian said she couldn't pull off a black dress - I swear to god I'll be convinced you've never read a book before. Cassian, the Miranda Priestley of Velaris, declaring Elain doesn't look good in black does not mean she is being rejected by the Night Court.

Do people not read? Did you not read how Nesta had to stand out to be Eris-bait, and if Elain, gorgeous, sweet, with beauty-that-could-bring-a-king-to-his-knees Elain was done up like the rest of them, the chances of Eris following after Nesta would have been slim? They had to make her look muted, to purposefully fade her into the background. That is ALL.

Now let's get into the even worse arguments for booting Elain out of the NC. Specifically,

She belongs in Spring (with Lucien)

She belongs in Day (with Lucien)

She belongs in Autumn (with Lucien)

Do you see what all those have in common (other than being surface level awful arguments)? They all center around Lucien. Who currently, Elain avoids like the plague. But I'm getting ahead of myself, lets go one by one, slow and steady:

Elain does NOT belong in spring

Why is this a thing, even? Because she likes flowers and Feyre said "oh elain would like it here?" That's it? Are we reducing people down to their hobbies now? Nesta likes books, should she also move to Day? Mor likes...wine I guess, should she move into a tavern? Amren likes puzzles, ship her to Dawn? Azriel likes Elain, let's put him in the Prison??

Or, oh wait, Tamlin should lose his court and Elain and Lucien will rule? How. Genuinely, how? Lucien is already an heir to Day Court & Autumn Court. How would the magic pick him of all people if Tamlin somehow dies/gives up his court? Wouldn't it pick someone...of Spring Court descent?

P.S Flowers also grow in the Night Court.

Make it make sense.

2. Elain does NOT belong in Day

First of all, right now, nobody knows about Lucien's parentage except for Feyre/Rhys and LoA (maybe). Helion doesn't know. Lucien himself does not know.

For Lucien to become high lord of Day, y'all realize Helion would have to die, right? Why would you ever kill off such an icon? And even if he just casually lives there while Helion still rules...a lot of things would have to happen for this to occur, like: Lucien's parentage is revealed, Helion accepts him as his heir, likely a blood duel between Beron/Helion over LoA, If Beron wins THEN Lucien becomes HL of Day, but if Helion wins then Eris becomes HL of Autumn...all of this would have to be covered in one book before they can even think about moving to Day and living happily ever after. You know, if Elain ever actually gives him the time of...day.

Don't even give me the "but Elain needs sunlight"!!

P.S. The NC also gets sunlight

Elain is not a plant. She does not undergo photosynthesis and need to go to the Day Court to physically be alive. Elain does not need light she IS the light. What's not clicking folks? Her name literally means LIGHT. Some variations say fawn/deer, but mainly she is light.

3. Elain does NOT belong in Autumn

This argument is more rare, but I don't understand it either. Why would she go live in Autumn as the reluctant mate to the 7th son of the awful Autumn HL? Autumn court cannot be this interesting to y'all, that you would be totally okay with not hearing from feyre/rhys/nesta/cassian/any of the IC, just to read a story about Elain avoiding Lucien in different climate/setting? Autumn exists in the NC too, you guys. She can ignore him when the leaves change color there, just as much.

And all of this, is only centered around Lucien. Because if you just asked this sweet flower child what she wanted, I can guarantee you, her answer would be to stay right where she is: home.

If she weren't mated to Lucien, would you still be sending her away to Spring/Day/Autumn?

This isn't even a ship thing at this point, like...Lucien doesn't currently have a home right now? Why are we tearing Elain away from her home to go live with a mate she does not want? If Elucien ever did get together, it would make so much more sense for Lucien to just move to the NC instead. Because Elain sure as hell is not going to live in her ex-fiance's manor, far away from her sisters, with a mate she didn't ask for and his rude bestie who literally made a r*pe joke about her (yeah, not understanding the Jurian & Lucien friendship here either).

Stop kicking my girlie out of the night court. She's staying where she belongs. If she leaves, it will be her choice. Not because her mate lives somewhere else. Not because she likes flowers. If she stays, it will be because that is her choice.

I thought it was obvious.

[artiststarme]

See You Later, Big Brother

Well @hannahhook7744, your prompt is distracting me at work, I hope you like it!

~*~*~*~

Steve was never very close to his brother. With ten years between them and too little hobbies shared, their relationship seemed more forced than voluntary. Even still though, they were family. Steve knew that if he needed him, Phil would be there to help (as seen in the many times he looked the other way with Steve’s speeding and horrible driving). 

That’s why it hurt so horrendously when he found out that Phil had died in the earthquakes. 

Steve felt numb. Frozen. Dead inside and the most alone he’d ever been. His only family, besides his parents that had moved away without ever looking back, was dead. Never again would Phil pull him over for speeding and let him go with exasperated threats. Never would they silently eat burgers across from each other in a small diner booth while sipping on butterscotch milkshakes they both denied were their favorite. And never again would they talk about boys or girls with stuttered pronouns and nervous glances searching for the other’s acceptance. 

What hurt even worse though was the loss of what they could’ve been. Phil had seen him as a bratty kid, King Steve, and the traumatized version of himself that he was after the Upside Down. But he would never see him as an adult, as someone he could be proud of. They wouldn’t get a chance to grow closer or become proper brothers in a status they never quite reached. 

Perhaps worst of all was what Phil could’ve been thinking when his patrol car fell into the fiery cracks in the earth. Did he know that Steve loved him? That he looked up to him as a role model? That he loved having him as a brother? Steve didn’t tell him any of that enough, never showed his appreciation, and he sure regretted that now. And now Steve wouldn’t get the chance to tell him. Nor would he have a chance to apologize for all the harsh words he spewed at Phil during their last fight. He wouldn’t get to tell him that he didn’t mean anything he’d shouted at him. Steve would never get to make it up to him or earn his forgiveness. 

No, now Steve had to live with the fear that his older brother died alone, in pain, and thinking he hated him. 

He spent the next week recovering from the bat bites on his sides, avoiding probing questions from the Party, and visiting the comatose Max in the hospital. He knew better than anyone how she felt now. If Vecna was still around, he would target Steve and feast on the pain suffocating him. An all-consuming pain only someone who’d lost a sibling could feel. More than ever, Steve wished that Max was awake, unhurt, and present. She would understand Steve’s feelings of turmoil of losing Phil much like she did with losing Billy. Even as he begged her from her bedside though to awaken, she stayed frozen with her eyes closed tight. 

She would die just days later. 

Steve had to plan two funerals just two days apart. One for his estranged brother and one for the girl he saw as his sister. He didn’t cry at either. His eyes were far too dry from crying so much in the privacy of his crypt of a home to spare any tears in the light of day. 

He would grieve his family, his blood brother and the sister he’d adopted. He would watch the youthfulness and innocence of the kids melt away in their grief. Eventually though, Steve would move forward although the scars, just like the divots in this sides and the silvery line encircling his throat, would remain as a reminder of the pain he had to suffer all too young. 

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[doingitforbokuto]

The White Knight - Chapter Ten

-> KNIGHT! KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS! READER

-> Series Masterlist

-> Previous Chapter

Summary: Both you and Kita have a painful past that you need to face - for better or for worse.

Words: 2,005

Warnings: brief mentions of death

Your Point Of View 

You blinked at your brother, trying to process what he had said.

“Talk about Garret?” You repeated his words. “What..” You swallowed, “what exactly is there to talk about?” 

“What is there to talk about?!” Ethan's eyes almost bulged out of his head. “What is there to talk about? You almost got killed! You almost got killed by one of my best friends and you're asking me what there is to talk about!” He threw his hands in the air. 

You couldn't tell if it was anger or frustration that got him so agitated but it was clear that something was weighing heavily on his heart, something he cared about deeply. And there you were, thinking he did not even spare you a thought, only because he had not come to visit you. Perhaps he had not visited you because he cared too much, because he needed to calm down. If this was how agitated he got over this weeks after it had happened, how did he act the days after? You had only seen him for a quick moment when he had come to check on your wound shortly after he had heard about the incident and you truly were not in a state to worry about anyone but yourself then. He must have been upset. And then he started sorting through every knight in the castle, making sure that no one else could become a threat to you. He did care about you. Too much so. But that had not been a thought that crossed your mind up until this moment. 

He took two big steps now, easily closing the distance between you two and took your hands into his. You hadn't even noticed you had reached out to him - but you had. You needed him, you needed your big brother who always kept you safe. 

The rims of his eyes glistened with tears and pain painted his features. His voice was a whisper when he spoke, his face closer to you than he had been in a long, long time.

“I am so, so sorry.” He swallowed. “I am so sorry I did not see it coming. I should have noticed, I should have kept him away from you, I should have protected you better, I - I should have done something -” 

“Ethan,” you interrupted his rambling. “This is not your fault-” 

“Isn't it?” Now he was the one interrupting you. “I am the reason he even had the opportunity to do this. I am the reason he was here, at court. I am the reason he had access to the part of the castle that houses the royal quarters. I am the reason you have to deal with this..” His fingertips came up to graze over the bandages that still covered your wound. “I was his friend. I should have seen it coming.” 

“Did you?” 

“No. And I'll always hate myself for it.” 

You squeezed your brother's hands. He was blaming himself for someone else's actions and it hurt you to see him like this. What Garret did was horrible but it did not have anything to do with Ethan, you were sure. He thought he should have seen it coming, but how could he have? What are the signs of someone planning to break into your sister's bedroom to threaten her into marrying them and then taking her hostage, trying to kill her when everything goes wrong? Who could have ever imagined that someone as close to the family as Garret would do something like that? You certainly did not and you doubted that Ethan ever had a chance to see it coming, either.

“I do not hate you for it. I could never hat you.” 

He looked at you with hopeful eyes. “Never?” he asked. “Not even when I was being an asshole to you?” 

“Ethan!” You rolled your eyes, unable to stay serious - despite the situation, you could not help but feel at ease with your brother. Yes, your relationship had been strained as of late, but there was no one in the world that would speak this freely with you. Not your father, not your servants, not even your friends. He was still your brother. 

“Sorry,” he shot you a gentle smile. “But I am serious. I did behave horribly towards you. Especially ever since.. I mean - these last years I..” He broke off, unsure of what to say. Or perhaps he knew what he wanted to say, but just could not bring himself to say it. You felt like you had an idea what words were stuck in his throat. 

“It is hard to behave normally when your mother dies,” you said, hoping to ease his burden at least a little. A burden that both of you had to carry, though you two had never truly shared it with each other. Each one of you had been too overwhelmed by carrying your own package that you did not have the time or energy to check on the other one. But perhaps that would have eased the weight. Perhaps it was what you needed to be doing now.

“I know I haven't been very pleasant to be around after she left us,” you continued. “And it was probably even harder for you, having to step up as father's most trusted advisor since he lost her. You had so many duties to the kingdom and you were still so young then. You were almost a boy, beingforcedacinto the duties of a man. I don't know how you managed to get through all of that. You must have suffered so much.” 

Now the words were getting stuck in your throat. You had been so wrapped up in your own suffering that you had been almost blind to the things your brother had to go through. The death of your mother. Replacing her as the person your father always asked for advice. Fighting in an uprising trying to take advantage of the weakened king. Now, losing one of his closest friends. And you thought you had it hard. 

Suddenly, two strong arms pulled you into a tight hug. 

“I would have suffered less if I had just talked to you,” your brother whispered. His voice was muffled as he pressed his face into your shoulder. “I've missed you so much.” He was crying now, sobbing into your gown. “I abandoned you.” 

“No, no -” Why was he talking like this now? Why was he crying? Panic started to rise up your spine. Did you just make everything worse when you were trying to make him feel better? 

“Yes, I did!” He sobbed. “I was so angry because I had to run around and do everything father wanted, I thought - I seriously thought you had it easier. I thought you didn't appreciate how easy your life was. I am so sorry. I shut you out and turned a blind eye to every hardship you were facing.” 

He pulled back to look at you. Both of your cheeks were wet from your tears. When was the last time you had seen your brother cry? And when was the last time you two had been this close? 

“You were so alone, weren't you?” Ethan asked you. His voice was quivering from his previous sobs, but quiet, gentle. He was the big brother you looked up to again. The one that blew onto your scraped knees when you were children. The one that scared away boys that played tricks on you. The one that taught you how to make a slingshot. 

You nodded, fresh tears running down your cheeks, your neck. 

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I was, too. I would have saved both of us a lot of pain had I not been such a selfish asshole.”

“It's not just your fault.” You pulled out a handkerchief from your dress-pocket to wipe our running nose. “I was pretty much doing the same thing.” 

Ethan smiled at that. “We are two idiots, aren't we?” 

And then, finally, for the first time in God knows how long, your brother's laughter filled your room again. 

—

Kita's Point Of View 

The sun was still warming his face when he took a walk through the streets near the training ground. He had been dismissed from his duties earlier than usual when you and your brother decided to go for a walk in the royal gardens. 

Since your brother was with you, a knight was not needed for your protection and Kita could have some rare time to himself.

As he strolled through the streets, he found himself looking for things you might enjoy: A flower. A group of friends, laughing. A bird singing. A cat chasing that bird. A rock shimmering in the sun. It wasn't that he planned on showing you these things - he knew how constricted you were in where you were allowed to go - but it made him happy to know that you would find some happiness in these things as well. The way that you were starting to look at the world now was what he had wished for the entire time. You weren't as happy as you should be just yet, but he was sure that in due time, all would be well. 

As he kept on walking through the streets, he rounded a corner and saw a stray dog was rolling around in the dirt, warming up his belly in the sunlight. Kita paused to look at him for a moment. That was what he wished for you. To just be able to go out, into the sun, and be happy. Not needing anything else, not having to worry about anything else. Just being able to enjoy the simple pleasures that the world offered to you.

He lifted his face up to the sun, closing his eyes. It was what he wished for himself, too. If you could be happy, then he would be happy too. Then he wouldn't have to worry about anything else. Perhaps that goal was not so unreachable now. Just when you left with your brother, you were smiling, holding onto his arm and walking out into the sunlight. The glimmer of hope Kita had had for your future was slowly growing into fire that warmed his heart.

Kita allowed himself another moment to enjoy the warmth on his face and the one in his heart. Without even meaning to, his mind wandered to memories of your smile, of a leaf getting tangled up in your hair, of your skirt moving as you walked through the gardens, of your hands skillfully sorting the herbs you had picked. They were images that Kita found himself returning to almost every day. He had told you to find beauty in the small things, because he knew what it was like. 

When he was younger, it was hard. There were always ups and downs in his life, times when it was easier to see the good and times when he had to really search for it. Before he had met you, it was a tedious task he had to master day in, day out. But not long after he entered your service, it dawned on him that it did not have to be tedious. It could be swift, easy and light if only he was around you. His happiness was not far from where you were. 

“What the hell are you smiling about?” 

Kita opened his eyes just in time to see the man step towards him, making the dog jump to his feet and run away. He never thought that he would come face to face with the man in front of him ever again and, truth be told, he had wished to never see him again. But of course, fortune was not so kind. 

“You're living the life, huh?” Michael huffed as he came to a stop in front of Kita, arms folding over his broad chest. “I wonder how you can even sleep at night after killing Ediva.”

-> Next Chapter

[chiyeko-kurea]

white girl rant

mc tavish scottish accent i hate mini doorways i can’t see if someones comin in until they’re in the middle of my room like jeez stop giving me anxiety i love when i wake up and my dog is on my bed. i know it’s because im the only one who allows her to sleep on my bed but i like to think that in the middle of the night her brain just thought of me and went ‘i wanna go sleep next to her’ i know it’s not the case she’s just bored of sleeping on the hard floor yet she always falls alseep in my sister’s bedroom she prefers to go there just to be beside her oh my god the only thing that makes her finally go in my room is discomfort. but when she wakes up she asks for cuddles and to be pet a bit and i like to imagine she’s my dog only and she’s mine and she gets me and she’s not my freaking dad’s favorite daughter. and she prefers my dad he made me so upset today i cried and i felt ashamed and like a loser because i asked him several times to sign me up to a tennis class to try it out and he did and then i panicked so much i couldn’t do it because i dont want to be alone with a man but then it was gonna be a woman days later so i said yay but the days flew by and i realized to matter who i can never find what to say and im awkward and ugly and my whole lower face skin is peeling away and my teeth are fucked up and my chin skin is flayed raw and bright bloody red and i have acne and dark circles and an embarrassing smile and i can’t play tennis for shit. for. shit. so i acted all moody teenager and i thought my dad was gonna be like you know what it’s fine if you dont wanna do it i don’t get why you changed your mind but that’s okay i’ll just cancel it. he didn’t. he was aggressive and mean and purposely shamed me in front of the family and reminded very loudly the price even though he didn’t even paid yet and my sister had to go for me and i sat there watching her be so extraverted and comfortable with a stranger when i know i wouldn’t have been able to say a word that didn’t sounded weird and wanting to cry every second and burst in tears and my dad was so so mean and usually he gets me, and my sister saved me and went i got home i burst into tears in my room and he just wanted me to try a new thing and i just wanted to cut cut cut and why on earth am i this fucking awkward loser with my earphones in and too big black hoodie like im some kind of pseudo rebellious annoying emo kid i just want to be pretty and funny and shine like why do i the worse part is i kind of really wanted to try tennis. and i think i would’ve been good. i think would not have made a total fool of myself thing is whatever i do i am a fool anyway, i am a fool for even thinking for one day of my goddamn life i could have not ruined everything. my dad looked at me weirdly the rest of the evening and i wanted to yell maybe im reminding you of your loser son you lost to drugs no shocker we get along i also want to lose myself and you saw my scars you know there’s something wrong with me and there’s something wrong with him and with you and with all of us and wherever your blood is. i like my dad, he’s a good father but at the end of the day he’s a man, and not a better one than the others. if i have good grades and a pretty face let me tell you there is NOTHING you can complain of me. i am working on my appearance to be prettier to not embarrass you anymore but one day you will have nothing to complain about and i will do whatever i want and you will try to say what changed and i will say it’s not of your business anymore you can introduce me to anyone and say yes she’s my daughter she is clever pretty she has friends she reads and she jogs and i will be perfect and i will throw plates at your head and i will be the worse and no one will know. montgommery forever and ever and ever and i will blow up and i will become a doctor and have a boyfriend and you will say we used to laugh and i will say you were there but somehow the moments when i NEEDED you to understand me you didn’t. you got me but never got me. i cant stop seeing you as a man no matter how fathe

[heybaetae]

alright, his letter really got me.

if i can get kinda personal really quick—which i usually avoid doing too much—i promise it’s warranted if you feel like reading to the end of this post in which i’m about to share some things about a deeply painful experience i went through this year and am still enduring the weight of. if you follow me closely enough, you probably know what i’m referring to…

before i do though, i want to mention how truly mind blowing it is that someone who already means a lot to you can somehow keep becoming more and more important as time goes on without even doing much, really, just by being there. since the start of the year, i have not been in the best mental state. i suffer from anxiety and depression which causes me to have a really tough time sleeping and it’s only gotten worse over the months.

i cannot stress enough how many times jungkook lifted my spirit and my mood on some of my worst days/nights since he started doing his frequent weverse lives. it sounds bleak to say because it is, but he was one of the only constant sources of light in my life this year. i can’t tell you how many times it felt like whenever i was feeling my lowest or was riddled with dread about something, i’d suddenly get a notif that he was live. like he’d just pop up when i’d need a distraction the most. even if it was a temporary relief, it would often help take my mind off of things and sometimes it was the only time i’d smile or laugh in an entire week. he was already such a comforting person to me, but it was only amplified every time he went live seeking the same feeling and i quickly found a lot of solace in the thought that we both seeked a familiar warmth for a while. i think a lot of people felt the same. i was seriously getting though the first half of the year thanks to the music the members were releasing and jk’s lives. that’s it. not much else was driving me forward.

then june 11th happened. that morning, i was woken up by my mom telling me my older sister was unresponsive in the hospital. i won’t go into specifics of what happened, but i ended up spending the whole day at home alone while the rest of my family rushed to the hospital. i couldn’t go with them. i knew i wasn’t going to be able to handle it and that made me feel absolutely riddled with guilt. instead, i spent hours in bed just waiting for text updates of what was going on, but they were few and far between. all i’d been told was that they were going to turn her life support off at some point in the day and i hadn’t heard anything after that for a few hours, so i didn’t know if it had happened yet or not for what felt like ages. i felt totally in the dark.

so i was laying there feeling numb, not doing anything but trying to reconcile with losing a sibling so soon and staring at my phone, willing news to come through but also praying it would stay silent. in my denial, silence meant what was happening wasn’t actually happening.

then that 🌟 JK live notif came through out of no where and i felt my heart literally stutter because there was just no fucking way. this was the first time i’d ever gotten that notif at that hour in my timezone. he rarely did morning lives, what on earth could he be doing? why now? why why why?

absolutely nothing in that moment was more important than my sister and what my family was experiencing, but there was literally nothing that i or anyone could do. i was helpless and unable to process the million thoughts and questions running through my head. in my desperate need for that familiar comfort, that distraction, i eagerly clicked the notif and was faced with those big, ridiculous brown eyes blinking at me sideways over the top of a blanket in his bed too. “you can’t be serious,” i said to my screen out loud and then i fucking laughed. incredulously, in disbelief, in amusement, in horror, in grief, in happiness, all of the above.

“how did you know?” i wanted to sob, but all i could do was keep laying there, practically comatose (for lack of a better word), as i watched who had steadily become what felt like my closest and dearest friend across the ocean tell me he wanted company falling asleep. it almost felt like a sick joke the universe was playing on me. like hey, you need a distraction from something really bad happening and it’s not gonna change a thing and it’s parasocial as fuck, but it’s literally the only thing that’s been working so far up until this point aka the lowest point. so here he is, the booooy.

anyway, he fell asleep. i finally rested my eyes. my thoughts calmed down for a brief while. frankly, at the risk of sounding insane, i felt like i was being looked after. supported? no, he had no clue. he was in dreamland and his arm was twitching. he hadn’t even said much after the first few minutes and once he passed out, all that mattered until it would inevitably be cut off was the fact that he was just… there.

my sister passed away not too long after the live was turned off. i wasn’t told until a couple hours later, but the fact is this: in the hour leading up to it, i was successfully distracted and i was comforted. of course, it didn’t last long but it had helped me in the moment i most needed it (again, but x10000) and i am forever in jungkook’s debt for those last few moments of solitude before my entire year was flipped on a permanent axis that day. i’m with one less sister and the grief has been insurmountable.

so i just wanna say if it’s seemed like i’ve been leaning a bit more on jungkook than usual this year, this is why. he’s just been an angel for me, quite literally. it’s also why i refuse to entertain any messages i receive slandering him for whatever reason or accusing me of favoring him over anyone else lately when that’s just not the case. i’m just trying to get by. i’m channeling my grief into my content, my creations, and in doing so, i am channeling my love and appreciation into what is getting me through it the most. so it’s a waste of time to twist it into something it isn’t and i’ll only ever give you a pity laugh and move on. none of the kpop industry jargon that people get mad about these days matters to me at all and life is too short to waste being angry about shit you can’t control. you don’t know what people are going through and you don’t know what someone means to someone else or why. so put your energy towards things that make you happy instead. you’ll feel better. i never owed an explanation, but there it is if you’ve been looking for one.

to wrap this up, i didn’t think i’d ever write any of this down and i could probably write essays just as long as this one for all the other members and what they did for me this year too. it’s going to be incredibly hard to see them go. my ult bias for-fucking-ever, my taehyung, i simply do not know how i’m going to get through my days without him. i just can’t picture or fathom it and i don’t fucking want to. he’s my favorite person in the world. i will be so empty with him gone. there are no words for how painful it’ll be so i’m not even gonna try to find them. my sweet jimin who also brings so much comfort and hilarity into my life, i simply cannot stomach the thought of him going away. my dear namjoon who i swear to god yanks my ass back up above water when i feel like i’m drowning in my feelings and inspires me to be better, what the hell am i gonna do? i’m already spiraling without yoongi’s tranquility. and of course, jungkook, who you now know has just been an incredibly special presence in my life this year. someone i’ve learned so much from, laughed with, cried with, eaten with, rested with, who showed up for me over and over and over and has no idea the impact he had, how grateful i am. i’ll never be able to thank him. thank you thank you thank you for being there for me. thank you all the members for fucking being there for me literally all the time.

this sucks! this sucks but i’m gonna power through it with the rest of you. i’m gonna try.

[lightning-and-dragons]

Strength and Survival Chapter 9

Previous Chapter (Chapter 8)// Next Chapter (Chapter 10)

I'm so glad that this chapter is finally posted! I hope that everyone enjoys it! Read on Tumblr below! Rated Teen and Up.

Cole often wondered how things would’ve changed if the Merge hadn’t separated the Ninja team. Would Cole have ever met his new family from the Land of Lost Things? Would Lloyd have ever met Arin and Sora? Would Wyldfyre still be living among dragons? Would Jay and Nya continue to pursue their relationship, even get married, despite the changes the realms went through? Would Zane and Pixal have become Yin and Yang? Would Kai understand himself like he did right before he was thrown into the portal? Would Wu have finally found the peace he often looked for, but couldn’t find with all of the evil threats Ninjago faced? 

He knew that he may never know. The Merge didn’t just separate realms, they separated families, homes, teams, friends, brothers, sisters, everyone. It ripped their team apart. Even now, years later, there were still those in his family that were missing. Jay. Pixal. Sensei Wu. And now Kai.

Cole knew that they would all be together eventually. But, for now, he had to reunite another family. He had to save Rontu and Egalt. 

So, he decided to focus on that. 

He didn’t know the dragons, he never got a chance to meet them, but he knew that they were special. Lloyd and the others spoke highly of them, and as he watched Rontu’s student, the stranger with elemental powers, lead them through the Administration, so full of determination, Cole knew that they meant a lot to him, too. 

The Administration was exactly how Lloyd, Arin, and Zane had described it, full of hundreds of hallways, all brightly lit with white light. Rontu’s student navigated the pathways expertly, avoiding the busy hallways to avoid suspicion. Cole wasn’t surprised about that. If he did work at the Administration at one point, why wouldn’t he know the way?

As Cole ran behind him, he watched how the man ran, his feet barely touching the floor yet still propelling him forward, allowing him to go faster than any of the rest of them. It seemed familiar, achingly so, yet Cole didn’t know why. Despite his speed, the man kept close, looking behind him every so often, no doubt checking to make sure that Nya, Lloyd, and Cole were still there. 

“Where are we going?” Lloyd asked in loud enough to be heard by only them, and the man fell back to them, his kusarigama swinging lazily from where it hung on his waist.

“There’s a lab not far from here, Lab A. It's never guarded unless it’s being used.” Rontu’s student said, and Nya glanced at him in question. 

“How do you know it won’t be used?”

“It isn’t. It’s only used when they capture an elementalist. I was the last one there, and I’m pretty sure that if anyone else here had powers the Administration would have dealt with them a long time ago.” His voice quivered slightly as he spoke, yet no one called him out on it. 

The words took a minute to register in Cole’s mind. He was captured because of his element? What did the Administration do to him in the lab? What happened in there that would make a man like Rontu’s Student afraid? 

“They experimented on you?” Lloyd asked, his eyes wide, and Cole couldn’t blame him. His own stomach twisted at the thought of someone being studied, someone probably being tortured, just because of their element. 

It was wrong. It was disgusting. 

“They tried to take my element from me, to power their weapons. I escaped before they could take it all. So, not experiments or torture, but it was painful.” The man said simply, despite the fear that was evident, pushing away his trauma like dirt under a rug.

“Dude, that <em>is</em> torture. That’s probably one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever go through.” Cole said, and Lloyd hummed in agreement. 

“Trust me, I've been through worse.” The man replied, and everyone fell into silence. Cole knew that it was because no one knew what to say. 

How could anyone have been through something worse than torture? How much had this guy lived through? Did he lose someone in the Merge? Did he have a family before he was ripped away from them? Or did he come from a place that put him through more pain than the Administration? How evil was the Administration?

Cole didn’t get a chance to ask. Rontu’s student began slowing down, an office door in front of them. There was only a corridor in their way, but after making sure that there was no one in it, they crossed easily. 

The office was tucked away in an odd corner, nearly completely hidden from any prying eyes, with only one corridor near them, the one that they had just ran across. The office looked just as normal as the rest of the offices did. The only difference was that instead of a regular lock, there was an electric keypad, no doubt placed to keep people out…or in. 

He didn’t let himself think about that for long.

The man stopped, hesitating at the door, before reaching for the electronic keypad. Lloyd pulled Nya aside, looking down the corridors, no doubt keeping watch. If an agent found them now, their plan would need to be changed, and fast. 

But, one thing was clear. They needed to get out of the hallways and into the office. That way less people would see them, and they could continue on.  Rontu’s student still hadn’t opened the door, seemingly watching the keypad with confusion, so Cole walked over, causing the man to turn to him. 

“I got it.” Cole said, slamming his fists together, conjuring the strength of earth from within himself, but the man shook his head.

“Give me a second. Whatever….that is, it might be too loud. Let me have a go.”

In a mere second, blue lightning sparked from his fingertips, and Cole stuttered to a stop, watching as the man shocked the keypad easily, allowing the door to open with a soft click. 

Lightning. The man just used lightning. 

Cole’s breath left his lungs, his body struggling to take a breath, leaving him lightheaded. He stumbled into the nearest wall, confusion and panic seeping into his bones, dazed, the world spinning around him. 

He used lightning. He used Jay’s element. He…he…he…

Through the blurry haziness his surroundings had become, Cole could see Lloyd and Nya make their way to him, their hands held up, as if they were worried about him. Nya grabbed Cole’s shoulder, her grip strong yet still so far away.

“Cole! Are you okay?”

Her voice sounded like it was traveling through a layer of stone, muffled and muted. But one thing became clear to Cole. 

They didn’t see it. They didn’t see the lightning. 

Was Cole going crazy? Or did Rontu’s student actually use lightning? Was he missing Jay so much that he started hallucinating? But if so, how did the door open?

What was going on?

That couldn’t be Jay. If it was, he would’ve told them right away, he would’ve thrown off his mask, he would’ve embraced them all with the biggest hugs, he would be talking all of their ears off and they wouldn’t care, he would’ve kissed Nya and told Cole all of the adventures he had been on. 

He wouldn’t have hid. He would never hide from them. 

But, if that wasn’t Jay, and the lightning was real, what did that mean? Was Jay dead? Was his element transferred to another man? Was Cole never going to see his best friend again?

Yet, deep down, Cole knew that that wasn’t true. This man ran like Jay, it was why it was so familiar. His voice sounded exactly like Jay’s. He fought with a kusarigama. He used lightning. 

This was Jay. It had to be. 

“Cole, what happened? Cole!” Lloyd sounded scared, desperate, and it was that fear that brought Cole back, all of the noises around them flooding back like a landslide. He took a moment to regain his bearings, taking in deep breaths, avoiding looking at Rontu’s Student, who was no doubt watching him. 

Was he watching Cole with those sapphire blue eyes that never stopped shining? Or with the eyes of a stranger? 

“I’m…I’m okay.” He managed to whisper, but Nya didn’t seem convinced. Cole didn’t know if he should tell her what he began to believe. What he saw. He didn’t even know if what he thought was even possible. 

He couldn’t give her a false hope. But he was so sure.

Jay was there, this whole time. He was running alongside them, like old times. 

And they didn’t know. None of them knew. 

He wanted to tell them. He needed to. But the words got caught in his throat.  

“Come on, we need to get inside. We’ll talk later, alright, Cole?” Lloyd replied, and he nodded weakly. 

Cole could feel all of their eyes on him, including Rontu’s student, but no one said a word. They made their way into the room, the door now opened, the keypad fried. As they entered, Cole paid no attention to the area around him, but only Rontu’s student. 

The man walked around the lab, around a large glass cage, and focused on multiple computer screens, all blacked out. With swift fingers, fingers that Cole knew had worked in the belly of hundreds of mechanical pieces, had mastered lighting, had nearly destroyed video game controllers with how frantically they played, Rontu’s student turned the screens on. Now reaching for a keyboard, it looked like he was typing in a password, and he let out a little whoop of delight when it allowed him access. 

That was so Jay. Everything about it screamed Cole’s best friend. Told him that Jay was standing right there in front of them. 

How had they all been so blind? 

Finally, Cole found the strength to speak. 

“Jay?” Cole asked, his voice barely above a whisper, the words tumbling out with no control. “Jay. Isーis that you?”

Rontu’s student stiffened, and both Nya and Lloyd turned to Cole in shock. 

“Coleー”

“No.” Cole replied, dodging Lloyd’s hand, walking closer to Rontu’s student, who didn’t move from where he stood at the console, frozen. “Jay. What happened to you? I’m not blind. You used lightning back there. You talk like him. Run like him. You’re Jay.”

“Cole, I know you miss him, we all do, but Rontu’s student can’t be Jay.” Lloyd was arguing, but Cole couldn’t find it in himself to reply. His heart ached knowing the truth. He wasn’t going to waste any time trying to convince the others of what he was so sure about. 

“Look,” That was Nya now, her eyes expressing concern, as if he was losing his mind. But he wasn’t. “That can’t be Jay. It’s impossible.”

She looked sad, and he felt her pain, the pain of loss, the pain that came with mourning someone you cared about, of wanting them to be here when they weren't. He felt her pain, but he knew that they could stop it. He just needed to show them what he saw. 

A tense silence fell over them, and Cole didn’t know how to break it. But he wasn’t the one who did. 

“How do you know my name?”

The man’s voice lowered,  and Cole watched as he tensed. Nya gasped beside Cole, her eyes widening, and Lloyd’s mouth dropped open in shock. 

“What?” He asked softly, but Rontu’s student, <em>Jay</em>, didn’t acknowledge him.

“How do you know my name?”

Each word was cold, sharp, like the kusarigama at his waist that the man grabbed, his fingers tight around the hilt. 

Cole didn’t know what to do. So, he spoke. It felt like the right thing to do, if the roles were reversed. But why was Jay acting so defensive? Why did he ask that question, of course Cole knew Jay’s name!

“I know that you’re Jay Walker. I’m Cole, your best friend!”

“You’re working with them. The Administration.” Rontu’s student said darkly, “You want to take my powers again, don’t you?”

“No, no, I would never do that! Don’t you know who I am? I would never hurt you!”

“You would! The only people who know my name are the Administration, Rontu, and Egalt! You’re one of them! You have to be!” The man turned to them then, his body tense with worry, and Cole could feel his own heart racing. 

“Jay.” Lloyd said, slowly walking towards him, but Rontu’s student pointed his kusarigama at him, his hand shaking. “Jay. Please. Can you take off your mask? We can talk about this.”

The man huffed, and with a fluid motion, one born of years of practice, his hood was off, revealing startling blue eyes, blue eyes that Cole hadn’t seen in forever. They didn’t meet Cole’s own. His tousled brown hair was unkempt, and a galaxy of freckles was scattered across his cheeks, a slight brush of scars light on his skin.

The man standing before them was Jay. It had to be. Despite the dark clothing, which now looked odd on him, it was clearly Cole’s best friend. The Master of Lighting. Jay Walker. 

But something was so, so wrong. Why didn’t he recognise them? Why was he afraid of them? 

“There. Happy? Finally got all of the proof you needed to throw me in the Chamber again? Let me guess, in accordance with file DT5Y-RM7?” Jay was nearly yelling now, fear and panic evident in his features. 

Nya didn’t move as this happened. All she did was stand there in shock. He couldn’t imagine how she felt right now. Why did he think that they were working with the Administration? Didn’t he know who they were? Didn’t he know that they would never do anything to him?

“We won’t hurt you. You’re our friend.” Lloyd said calmly, authoritatively, like a leader, despite the shock that he must be feeling, and Jay fixed his eyes on him, his face set with determination. 

“I don’t know you. I don’t know any of you.”

The words felt like a knife to the heart, and Cole flinched back. He reached for Nya’s hand, and she grabbed it, her body slightly shaking. 

What? Jay didn’t know them? How….how could…

No. No. He couldn’t have forgotten them. No. 

It was in that moment of hesitation that Jay attacked them. The blade of his weapon swung, narrowly missing Lloyd, and the Green Ninja sidestepped it, bringing his own sword in front of him. 

“Jay! Wait!”

With a swift kick, Lloyd was on the ground, his sword clattering by his feet, and within a second Cole felt a fist in his stomach. He landed roughly, the air escaping his lungs with a wheeze, where he coughed, struggling to take in a breath. Jay stood above him, and for the first time in years Cole’s brown eyes met familiar blue, the blue eyes wide and terrified. 

Cole hated seeing that. He hated seeing Jay so afraid. 

“Jay, no!”

There was no hesitation as lightning sparked around them. Cole closed his eyes, refusing to fight his best friend again, trying to think of a way to convince him that they were friends, but nothing came. 

He expected a shock of electricity that didn’t come.

He opened his eyes to the sound of struggle, and saw Nya holding Jay’s arms back, twisting his wrist so the kusarigama fell from his grip. 

“Jay?” Nya said, her voice trembling, “Jay, it’s me, it’s Nya!”

“I don’t know you!” Jay thrashed in her arms, fighting tooth and nail to escape, as if he was being held by a monster insead of the woman that he loved. His breathing was ragged, and his lungs couldn’t take in a full breath. “Let me go!” 

“Why don’t you remember us? What happened to you?” Nya demanded, yet Cole could see tears in her eyes, a slight waver in her limbs, showing her true fear. 

What didn’t Jay know who Nya was? Why didn’t he know that they were here to help? Why did he fight them?

“Jay! I promise we’re your family.” Lloyd was saying, as if words could calm Jay down, raising his hands as if Jay was a rabid animal. But he wasn’t. Jay was the kindest, most caring one of them all. 

He was. He was until now. 

In that moment, Cole could see Jay’s eyes focus, taking on a familiar look, one that told Cole that Jay was about to use his lightning. He didn’t hesitate to get to his feet and move his own sword to Jay’s throat. He hated to do this to his friend, hating that it came to this, but he couldn’t let Nya get hurt. 

“Shock her and I’ll swing.”

Jay’s eyes widened even further, he still struggled in Nya’s grip, but he made no move to attack her. Cole counted that as a blessing, though it was a small one. 

“Please, just listen to us! We’re your friends, your family!” Lloyd said, getting to his feet, and Jay shook his head rapidly. 

“No, no, that’s not possible! If I had friends they would’ve found me by now!” Jay yelled, and Cole’s heart broke.

He was right, wasn’t he? How great of friends were they if they hadn’t found him for so long? The Merge happened so long ago. Was Jay alone all of that time, other than his time with Rontu and Egalt? Did he spend his time thinking that no one came for him because no one loved him? That they all just forgot about him and moved on? Was that why Jay was pretending that he didn’t know them? He didn’t see them as his friends anymore?

Jay spoke up again, his voice a whisper. “They…they would’ve found me.” 

With those words said, it was as if a string had been cut, Jay going still in Nya’s grip. He frowned deeply, and Cole could see anguish and conflict stirring in those blue eyes, blue eyes that were becoming wet with tears. 

“I don’t have anyone left. My only family is Egalt and Rontu now.” Jay said, defeated, the tears falling from his eyes now. He looked confused, more confused than ever. “I lost all of my memories after the Merge, alright? I woke up, and I just knew my name. Nothing else. So if I did know you before, I don't anymore. But I know that you aren't my friends. You…you can’t be.”

It was those words that shocked them all into silence. Nya let go of Jay, stepping away from him, her hands shaking, but Jay made no move to attack them. His body crumpled in on itself, like rocks tumbling down a slop and crashing on the ground in one heep, defeated and weak. He curled in on himself, his arms wrapping around his torso, his head tucked low. 

Lloyd looked devastated. Cole could see it in his eyes. He looked as if what happened to Jay was his fault, that he couldn’t protect his friend from the lost memories, that he had failed him. Cole felt the same. 

If what Jay said was true, he lost all of his memories. It…it made sense. It explained why he didn’t recognise them, why he had hid his identity from Lloyd and the rest of them, why he was so afraid of them. Did he not remember anything about them? All of their adventures, the nights spent playing too many video games, the roads and journeys they had taken together? Did Jay forget meeting Cole, becoming friends, sticking by each other’s side no matter what? Did he forget his love for Nya, how much he was willing to die for her? Did he forget how much he trusted Lloyd?

And what about the rest of them? Did Jay not remember Kai? Zane? Pixal? Sensei Wu? Did he forget all of the enemies they fought, all of the battles that they won? Did he know that he was a ninja, a hero? Did he know anything about his life from the Merge? Anything about who he was?

Cole knew that he probably didn’t, and the thought was too much to bear. 

Jay seemed to get even smaller as they watched him, speechless. He refused to meet their eyes. He was basically unrecognizable. How could someone so lively, so joyfully loud and happy, be so sad and scared?

Cole hated seeing Jay like that. He found it in himself to speak up, when everyone was too stunned to say a word. If Jay had truly forgotten them, which was a thought that destroyed Cole, making him feel like he had lost his best friend for good, then they needed to first make sure he felt safe around them. He wouldn’t listen to them if he was still afraid of them. 

“We won’t hurt you. I promise. We aren't with the Administration, we’re only here to help.”

Jay took a moment, watching them all hesitantly. “How do I know?”

“For starters, we have elements too. We know how precious they are, and we would never dream of taking your lightning from you. Wouldn’t the Administration have found us too, if we had worked for them? We wouldn’t be free right now if we did. They would be draining our elements like they tried to drain yours.”

Once again, Cole could barely stomach that thought. He knew deep down that the glass cage near them was for draining an elemental power from what Jay had said, and he couldn’t bear to think of Jay being trapped in there, alone and hurting. But Jay was afraid of them. Cole had to change that, he had to use words and ideas that would make sense.

Lloyd then spoke up, his voice even and sure, seemingly catching on Cole’s plan. “The Administration attacks quickly and quotes rulebooks. They don’t really have a conversation during them either, do they, like we’re having now?”

Jay visibly relaxed slightly at the words. “No. No, they don’t.”

“So, we’re not with them. I promise.” Lloyd finished, and Jay hesitantly nodded.

“If I do believe you, then how can I trust that you know me? From before the Merge? Why haven’t…why hasn’t anyone come for me?”

Cole spoke up then, knowing that his words were true, despite the chaos that the last few months had been for them. “We looked. We never stopped looking for you, Jay.” 

“How do I know that you’re my friends? You could just be saying that! You could be lying!”

“Can’t you feel it?” Nya asked, her voice softer than Cole had ever heard it. “Doesn’t some part of you know that we’re special to you? That I’m…”

She couldn’t finish the sentence, but Cole knew what she wanted to say. Did he know how special she was to him? How much Jay loved her? Because how could Jay forget Nya? Those two had been through everything together, had loved each other with a deeper love, an unbreakable love that Cole could never doubt was real.

If someone could completely forget that, then how unbreakable was it?

<em>Nya forgot Jay.</em> Cole reminded himself, <em> She forgot him but then she remembered.</em>

He hoped that Jay would do the same. 

Jay met her gaze, watching her, studying her, as if he was trying to determine what to say through her eyes. 

“I…I don’t know.” His voice was weak, breaking up, and he looked away, shaking his head. “I don’t know.”

Jay’s body shook with sobs, his shoulders quaking with the force of dozens of bolts of lightning. He looked so lost in front of them, so confused. Cole had to hold himself back from taking Jay in his arms and giving him a big hug, because he knew that all it would do was scare him even more. 

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

Nya nodded firmly at his words, but Cole could see that she was breaking on the inside. Her eyes filled with tears, tears that he knew wouldn’t fall, and she stood tall. 

“It’s okay.” She said gently. “It’s okay.”

He wondered how difficult it was for her to stay away from Jay too. Nya was never the one to initiate hugs, Jay was the more physically affectionate one of the two. But whenever Jay fell into panic, whenever the world got too rough, he would always run to her, run to her embrace. She would hold him, protecting him, letting him take in as much comfort as he could. 

Now, Jay didn’t run to her. He stepped further away. 

“Look.” Lloyd said. Jay watched him warily, yet didn’t run. “We’re asking you to trust us. I promise we’re your friends, and I have photographs that I can show you to prove it, just not here. There’s a monastery that we live at, there’s a lot of proof there that you’re one of us. You could even see your old bedroom.”

Cole knew that that was true. Despite the chaos that the Merge caused, the rooms within the Monastery had barely been touched. Lloyd had checked them all himself. Cole didn’t dare go into Jay’s old room before, it was too painful to admit that he was still missing, yet now…now he might be able to. 

He also remembered a few things that would be in there, too. 

“I’m sure Mister Cuddlywomp is still there. Do you remember him?” Cole asked, and Jay shook his head, a small, uncertain smile on his lips. “We fixed him up after…well, that’s a bit of a story. Anyways, there’s probably still video games in there that we still need to beat, too.”

“I…” Jay took a deep breath, his chest still shaking with sobs. “I have a hard time trusting people.”

Cole thought back to the cage that sat beside them, one that Jay had told them takes elements. 

Of course Jay couldn’t trust anyone after that. 

“I promise, we’ll一”

Lloyd’s voice was cut off by a loud wailing sound, a siren, one that pierced the air, causing Jay and Cole to jump. A deep voice echoed around them, and Cole’s breath caught in his throat. 

<em><strong>Intruder alert. Intruder alert. All agents proceed to Lab A. Intruder alert.</em></strong>

All of them glanced at each other, their eyes wide with fear, Jay’s being the widest. Cole was kicking himself. In all of the chaos of finding Jay, of trying to understand what happened, they had completely forgotten that they were in enemy territory. 

And now the Administration knew that they were here. Now, their whole plan was in jeopardy. 

Now, Cole had no clue what to do. 

Previous Chapter (Chapter 8)// Next Chapter (Chapter 10)

[soracities]

Ur so eloquent and i love ur posts about the societal pressures associated w makeup!!!! 💗💗💗 u put everything I feel & think about into coherent words and I so appreciate that! Also I would like to hear ur thoughts on plastic surgery bcuz I am also annoyed. If I see that smug smiley little dickhead plastic surgeon tiktoker on my FYP one more time saying “ohhh my patients r beautiful. Anyway here are all the procedures I’m gonna do to alter their ethnic nor unique features and make them look totally different” I’m gonna scream. The patronising pseudo-kindness is almost worse than when he goes completely mask-off about exploiting insecurity - like the vid he made laughing w the caption “when a 20yr old says she’s doesn’t need Botox bcuz she’s gonna age gracefully.” I’ve spent a lot of time cultivating a healthy self-esteem & generally not defining myself by my appearance - yet even I felt a flicker of my old insecurity seeing that post. I block every post referencing plastic surgery and I STILL get them. It’s incessant & so insidious - esp for poc. My 13yr old cousin (who watches lots of tiktok) told me she’s saving up for a nose job and a BBL when she turns 18 and my heart fkn broke. No 13yr old shld even KNOW the term BBL.

I feel so much for your younger sister, anon, because whatever else I may have gone through with my own insecurities at 13 (and they were profound and absolutely did a number on me), I genuinely cannot begin to imagine what it's like to cope with all of that in the age of TikTok and IG and the added pressure of beauty influencers magnifying everything.

Honestly, my thoughts on cosmetic surgery are very complicated--I don't think it's something that's ever going to go away, and to be honest I'm not even sure if it's about that. I know people who've had cosmetic procedures done and I know it was something deeply important for them and I know how much happier and at ease they felt afterwards--I'm not going to judge or begrudge anyone that happiness because the reality is, as much as it would be amazing if we all loved and celebrated ourselves and each other, everyone's individual constellation of insecurities and worries is completely different and not everyone will be able to address them in the same way.

To live in a world where we are not defined and punished for our physical differences would be an incredible thing, but we don't live in that kind of world--and so learning to be at peace with yourself in the midst of the world we do have, learning to accept your body or any individual aspects of your appearance is incredibly difficult--and these difficulties are influenced even more by gender, or race, or the culture in which you live etc., or even just the people around you. Do I wish my friends could see what I see? Of course. But I also don't know what they see, or how deeply that runs, or the impact that has on them. Because I also know that, when it comes to myself, I don't see what they see, either. I've said before that I find prominent noses absolutely beautiful--but I know that I cannot impose this on someone who has had to live their life under constant comments about their nose (or any other feature), to the point where they feel that is all they are to people. I don't condemn people for the choices they make in this, but I do condemn the structures and societal expectations that force some people into certain choices in the first place by normalising this idea that there is a "correct" way to look (and I'm not immune to it either--I have a lot of profound insecurities that are incredibly difficult to get past).

It's very similar to how I view makeup in some respects because whatever choices people make when it comes to cosmetic procedures should feel like choices to them. But not all cosmetic procedures are made equally and my real issue with cosmetic surgery (and in my mind I distinguish it from plastic surgery because they are not the same to me), more than anything else, is when it becomes a tool for upholding and celebrating particular beauty standards that are deeply gendered, politicized and racialised while claiming it is "just" a matter of aesthetics, which is deeply, deeply insidious to me. "Aesthetics" have never been neutral. Even the language we use in talking about it isn't neautral: "fix", "adjust", "improve" etc. Improve according to whom? Why do they decide this? At the end of the day, no matter what you say about the golden ratio there is nothing wholly objective about beauty because human beings are not static Ideals; you cannot distill beauty into a mathematic formula like a conch shell because beauty is not something separate from the thing it occupies. These ideals work for Plato, but we are living, breathing, moving, exsiting in the here and now. A static image of a beautiful woman in a Vogue covershoot is just that: an image. And all the rules that govern that image fall apart the moment the model moves again, the moment she becomes a person again.

And besides, nothing can be "just" aesthetics in a world with the warped beauty standards that we have. There's nothing neutral about nose jobs in a society marred with as much anti-black racism and antisemitism as ours. There's nothing neutral about BBLs in a society that fetishizes black women's (and other woc) bodies as ours. There's nothing neutral about buccal fat removal in a society so plagued by thinness as not just a physical but also a moral ideal. I read a horrifying article on GQ a few months back about men undergoing cosmetic surgery to widen their jawlines so they appear more "manly"--and a surgeon in the article casually said one of these patients also "needed a rhinoplasty" which made me see red: nobody needs their face smashed open for the sake of an arbitrary standard whose very purpose (Beauty) requires the existence, and therefore manipulation and condemnation, of its opposite in order to appear valid. These beauty standards only have value so long as their opposites have no value--but these "opposites" are not disembodied traits: they are real human features that belong to real breathing human beings who have to live surrounded with this rhetoric for their entire lives. There's nothing neutral to me about looking at a human face and dissecting all of its features, ascribing values to some, and disparaging others, as though they exist as separate building blocks you can rearrange at will. In some instances, it skirts too close phrenology for me, and I'm not saying that lightly.

These are some of my thoughts but as I said, my views on this are very complicated and I have to be careful how I talk about some of it because there are some things that genuinely make me deeply angry. Again, I don't believe the solution is to get rid of cosmetic surgery, because I don't think that will ever really work and I think it misses the point--most people will always have something about themselves they'll want to change or just wish was different and for some people more than others they will want to make that change: and I would much rather people have access to legal, qualified, accountable medical professionals when they do. But in cases like your sister, in cases like that GQ article, in cases like that TikTok surgeon (I have no words, anon, truly...), or really just TikTok in general, in cases like ethnic rhinoplasty and eyelid surgery, the fact that the number of people getting Botox has grown since the increase in video calls and Zoom meetings....in all honesty at this point I am just tired and infuriated by our refusal to have an actual conversation about the society these procedures exist in and are normalised within and I'm especially tired when influencers and celebrities make a point of not being upfront about their own procedures. I don't care what people get done or why (as long as its a freely made choice for no one else's sake but yours), but I do care when we make it as acessible as these procedures are now, when they are tacitly (and in some cases outright) encouraged, and yet talking about them or admitting to having had that work done is somehow gauche and I am incredibly tired of it!

[azzandra]

Stuck in cat logistics hell, because Mitzi really, really needs to be seen by a vet, but she has a seething murderous hatred for vets and becomes completely unhinged when put in a cat carrier as a result. But over the past 6 weeks? two months or so? her health has taken a very concerning turn.

The problem is she's 13 years old and the vet says because she's this old it's too risky to sedate her for the vet visit. But I suspect some of the issues she's experiencing are age-related and googling things like "symptoms of cat dementia" has been very disheartening. Some very bad changes in behavior lately have me extremely concerned.

She's currently at my brother's place because about a month ago she started becoming extremely aggressive towards our other cats (more than usual, because she's never been a fan of the others anyway) and they started basically harassing her constantly in response which made her extremely stressed. She stopped using the litterbox and also started having anxious fits. Since my brother's cats are more well-behaved, we thought maybe Mitzi would do better here, but it turns out Mitzi is just as aggressive towards them. She's still a lot calmer here because she has a room mostly to herself and these cats are less persistent about bugging her.

She's also hostile towards my brother and sister-in-law, in spite of the fact that she knows them?? For the first 10 years of her life my brother was also there living in the same house, there's no reason she should be constantly hissing at him now. She never did that before.

She also freaks the fuck out if anyone touches her body. She's always liked being petted around the head more than her body, but now if anyone touches her lower body she yowls and bites and scratches. She's also lost weight despite eating about the same, and she's shedding like hell but isn't washing herself as thoroughly as usual.

I've been spending the past few days at my brother's, observing Mitzi closely (something that was impossible to do home because the other three cats were constantly glued to my side, and if they were there, Mitzi would not approach). She doesn't even play the same. I was waving a toy stick around her and her eyes didn't seem to track it. I had to grind it against the ground and she seemed to track it by sound better.

I've been trying to figure out if she really can't see or if she was zoning out, and I'm 90% sure she can still see, but also about 80% sure her peripheral vision isn't great anymore? It would explain some incidents where she didn't seem to notice other cats when they approached her and then freaked out when she finally did notice them. It's come to the point where if another cat enters the room, we purposefully draw Mitzi's attention to it because it's worse if she's taken by surprise. She's been spending a lot of time with her back to walls. Staring into space, losing track of toys she was playing with moments ago, losing a lot of weight! Very suddenly! I've switched her to some senior cat-specific food and she seems to love that. She doesn't sleep coiled up anymore, and I'm worried that's related to why she won't let people touch her body anymore. She's also been moving more hesitantly. She's always been a slow and cautious cat, now she's just... doddering.

I'm also pissed because when I took her to the vet two years ago, I wanted to have bloodwork done, but she was so insanely angry and already drew blood from both me and the vet instead, and we just sort of decided not to go through with it because of how uncooperative she was being. And that seemed like a fine decision at the time because she was still healthy as ever back then, but now I'm pissed I didn't let her maul me as long as we could get her tested and see if she was actually fine.

We've had cats before Mitzi and since, but Mitzi is the oldest cat anyone in my immediate family has raised so far (for a variety of reasons). And she's my cat. I've had her since she was so small she fit in my palm and had to be fed with a syringe. I was thinking she'd be around for a very long time, and 13 seems like way too young to be undergoing this kind of decline.

[tumblingxelian]

Wednesday Fanfic Concept - Soulmate Struggles

Summary:

Wednesday has always loathed the idea of a Soulmates. Emotions of warm nostalgia and love forced on her for a stranger by the whims of fate? IF she ever meets the people whose marks match hers she will ensure she doe snot become a slave to passion as her parents did!

Bianca had always feared meeting her Soulmates. Already terrified of the power she had over the minds of others she could think of nothing kinder than to reject them as harshly as possible.

Enid had always longed too meet her soulmates, hoping to find two kindred spirits who could perhaps love her without conditions or demands.

Too bad for the three of them what they got was each other.

Concept:

This is likely one of m most painful ideas, and definitely the one that explores Wednesday's toxic traits the most overtly.

The nature of soulmates in this world is that as you grow and aspects of your personality, temperament ETC settle in you develop a connection with your soulmate/soulmates.

But all this means is that you have some base comparability. It says nothing for beliefs, ideologies and little for life experience.

Despite this, because of the schooling systems and such most people meet their soulmates in their onw age brackets, communities. schools ETC. & from this comes the entirely cultural expectation of romance, despite the fact soulmates are not inherently romantic or platonic, they just are.

As a result, lots of people with soulmates outside their age range or no soulmate tend to experience some stigma or at least judgement.

This also means a lot of soulmate relationships actually end up really unhealthy and or destructive but not enough that its become a talked about problem. But yeah, basically despite the comforting feeling a soulmate provides, any relationship actually requires work.

This story was also inspired by the concept of "This will always be our first" That is to say, a first meeting, a first reaction, a first date and one party intentionally making it worse either out of some mild selfishness that just exploded or even a degree of malice.

The two inspirations I drew from were:

RWBY's volume 9 with main character Ruby Rose, having been driven to a breakdown lashes out at those around her. Including her sister and her girlfriend because their budding relationship and happiness is just agony to see when she's in so much pain. Any other day or time she'd be over the moon for them, but the tragic thing is this will always be the reaction they all remember.

The other was from a Wenclair fic, where despite having been engaged for months, Wednesday did not tell her parents until she & Enid touched down at the airport. Morticia was awkward & Gomez was distraught and ended up fighting Enid who then went to her & Wednesday's room to be depressed because that too will always be her first meeting with Wednesday's parents.

The first being bad is not something that cannot be worked through but it is inherently bittersweet I feel.

Characters:

Enid: Wow I have two soulmates… Maybe they will, I dunno, love me unconditionally? 🙂 Wednesday: Emotions. Complicated. Vulnerability. Awful. Hate them, you did this to me, how dare you. Stay away! Bianca: I don't like affecting anyone's mind by my mere presence, I hate the idea of someone doing it to me even more, I will not be made vulnerable, so stay away!

Bianca & Wednesday: You made me feel emotions against my will. Die. Enid: Wow, both my soulmates are like this… Great… I'm so lucky... :/

Kinbott is actually a better therapist in this cos her soulmate is platonic, IE Cassie from Uriah's heap. SO she is a bit socially isolated herself and more thoughtful. She also has a thing for Principle Weems who was Gomez's soulmate but that didn't pan out.

Chapters:

As noted, this story would definitely be delving into some of Wednesday & to a lesser extent Bianca's more toxic defense mechanism and general attitudes.

Be they born from being indulged by her parents but socially isolated in Wednesday. Or traumatized by her mother and adopting an extremely toxic self image in Bianca.

Enid will be contextualized below:

Chapter 1:

When encountering Enid for the first time, both register they are soulmates. Desperate to avoid her parents cooing, Wednesday is quick to evacuate the situation and Enid surprisingly enables her.

Through the tour, Enid is much more indulgent of Wednesday and generally open even revealing her issues with transforming. She in essence pulls her rib cage open so Wednesday can see her heart.

Wednesday uses this as a chance to stomp on it.

Partially because of her complexes regarding emotions but also because she thinks Enid is just 'that way; because of the Soul Mark and she just wants her gone and so is generally the worst.

Enid puts up with it until the next morning, where she gently confronts Wednesday and Wednesday keeps trying to antagonize her:

"I really wanted you to feel welcome and safe, to make the feeling the mark is meant to give real. & now… That first day and night will always be how we met. (Deep breath) You didn't want I offered, and fair enough, but-"

"Are your ears as broken as your transformation pick it u-"

Enid literally tackles her to the floor, nearly breaks her wrists and snarls against her throat.

"I have spent my entire life pouring love and dedication down a bottomless pit. I will not do it again. You don't want me? Fine! But I am not your servant, not your friend and not your family. Never demand anything of me again you spoiled brat!"

Then she gets up and walks to class like nothing happened.

Wednesday lies on the floor for awhile longer processing:

1: She drastically misread Enid's personality. 2: She just got physically outdone by a peer for the first time ever. 3: Evidently the soul mark did not make Enid a simpering wreck. 4: For the first time in years, Wednesday felt a spike of fear.

Chapter 2:

Displeased by all that, Wednesday wants to get back on the horse so to speak and restore some of her damaged confidence and also figure out how the hell that happened.

Mostly cos it runs contrary to how she thinks soulmates work despite she herself not following the 'rules' of soulmates.

She & Bianca have their encounter and there is not even any speaking. Both register the other as their soulmate and draw swords and it is on sight, because both of them would rather an enemy that let someone in close.

Wednesday still loses so she's still not having a great time. Especially as it turns out Enid is more interested in chatting up a vampire than her or Bianca!

Enid is not outright blanking her, or hating her, but just treating her like any other student she happened to share a room with.

Wednesday would find cloying affection smothering but not unexpected and she would find hatred acceptable.

But it turns out just being kind of dismissed, really gets under her skin. So she storms off, meets Xavier, is generally caustic ETC.

After the Gargoyle incident Enid did show some concern but very generalized, "We're both Outcasts & you are a person who almost died?" and then gets distracted and spends the rest of the night chatting with Thing.

Wednesday's music garners no real reaction from Enid, though we see Bianca having a not emotionally fun time of it in her room because of it.

After that when they go to be, Enid even says, "Night Wednesday." But that's also its, it's so dismissive, it's so... casual.

Wednesday was not built for casualness.

Wednesday was built for soul crushing devotion be it hatred or love!

Chapter 3:

Because of these elements she does not have Enid's help trying to get out of Nevermore. As a result she may actually turn to Bianca because "We both want me gone, help me make it happen." Which may even cut Tyler out for a bit.

Still, the two otherwise remain in their ongoing "We will be eternal enemies/I will ensure you never get close" stalemate. Its not healthy but both deem it acceptable.

Meanwhile Enid begins to fixate on Enid either in her first session or a later one, talks to Kinbott solely cos she wants an outsider perspective on Soul Marks and obsession.

We learn about her ties to Uraih's heap and that soul mark obsession is just down to obsessive people.

IE, Wednesday is obsessing because she's prone to such behavior and because Enid dismantling and then dismissing her is a huge blow to self identity. Wednesday is used to being rejected, or hated, or feared and even adored without resveration from her family.

She is not used to being looked at like a spoiled teen and summarily dismissed as unimportant and it makes her feel like Enid is 'winning' some kind of contest she's not even playing but Bianca is.

Chapter 4:

Wednesday & Larissa do get that hot choc, & Wednesday does fix the machine & Tyler says he owes her. Later, when drinking, Tyler interrupts claiming Thornhill called and could not get through on her mobile.

Its a brief distraction but it lets Wednesday scribble a note demanding his number and she gets in on the receipt and organizes her extraction.

Cue the festival a brief interaction where Enid warns her of Tyler's hate crimes.

Wednesday tries to ply it into being about her rather than Outcast solidarity but is shrugged off as Enid goes off with Yoko, leaving her in a bad mood.

Yes Wednesday is still jealous of Yoko, she cannot escape it XD

Kinbott is there and chatting with Larissa but not enough to distract her.

Then Wednesday blocks two darts flying at her head and one ends up in her hand.

Bianca shouts "Rowan!" Who takes off running and is followed by Wednesday into the forest.

His ambush doesn't work though cos Bianca was after him to and she knows he is a telekinetic. So she manages to knock him out with a drug and steal the book. Bianca likely knows she has it but won't cause a scene around the sheriff.

Gaplin tries to shoot her but is stopped by Weems and Kinbolt makes sure Rowan is alive before practically shouting the man down and then helps carry Rowan back to Nevermore while Weems rounds up all her students.

Wednesday wants Bianca to use her siren song to make him talk which makes her livid and Kinbolt has to intervene a bit and also reveals its not useful for that as the subject just says what the person wants to hear in their own head not their own mind.

After that, Enid arrives.

Turns out Thing fell out of Wednesday's pocket and she was so pissed off she sort of forgot him in the chase.

So, Thing is sulking & Wednesday is initially more interested in trying to get info on Rowan and or proving a point to Enid to acknowledge it so they clamber back over to Enid to sulk and they go off with Yoko to do their nails.

Though not before revealing Rowan was "More like a normie than Kinbolt."

IE, he did not like other outcasts besides his fellow psychics.

Basically a more extreme version of Xavier's distrust and contempt for Bianca and Sirens in general.

Enid: (Puts Thing in her hand) Rowan was always like, 'Oh you may be outcasts (Sneers) But I am the only Outcaaast! (Falls back and it caught by Yoko. They then put an equally dramatic Thing back on her shoulder and leave.)

Wednesday and Bianca are shooed out while Weems and Kinbolt try to get Rowan to talk (Gaplin is being yelled at by the mayor for almost killing a 15 year old)

She & Bianca likely have a tense stand off regarding the book Rowan stole but Bianca needs to keep her secrets and despite being presumably able to Siren Song Wednesday into giving it to her does not. Instead promising to collect it with her scaled hands later, before ominously vanishing through a secret passageway.

Wednesday returns to her dorm room to find it empty.

Her victory over Rowan, briefly a restorative of confidence now tastes like ashes, the book seems useless, Bianca refused to fight and Enid is still vexing her mind.

She shatters the window, as loudly as possible.

Enid comes racing up and Wednesday antagonizes her and Enid's claws and fangs come out and she's barely held back by Yoko and Thing. But more by the arrival of Thornhill making them all have a "Sleep over" with Yoko cos its dangerous to be in a room with so much broken glass.

The three mostly ignore Wednesday and go on about their nails and let Enid vent about the window, but it never ties back to soulmates, or romance, or anything Wednesday wants it too and they eventually go to sleep, with Thing giving her a judgmental vibe lecture while safety out of reach.

Back to square one, incredibly frustrated!

Notes:

As noted, this story is kind of exploring Wednesday at her most intensely bratty, but I think the window would be the farthest it would go so after that there is nowhere to go but up.

Ya know, maybe.

But she & Bianca still have a lot of issues to work through and if either of them ever want anything more than a superficial understanding of Enid she will need to overcome her distrust.

It will likely be revealed in the Rowan bit that Xavier lied to Bianca about not having a soulmate when trying to become her boyfriend. This also comes up in the herbology class when he tries to flirt with Wednesday and fails hard.

Chapter 5:

I think Wednesday may actually, after a point call her mother and kinda low key ask if she's spoiled and or being childish.

"Your father and I wanted you to have every freedom, every opportunity to explore your passions as you pleased. We have always been astounded by you, but... Perhaps in doing so we did not impart to you some key lessons."

"You think I am broken. The-"

"NEVER. A child cannot be wrong or broken or unwanted in anyway. All this is is that your father and I expected your to enter a contest without imparting to you the rules, you are not at fault for anything."

She later asks Wednesday for a favor.

"You are doing very poorly at imposing limits, mother."

She wants Wednesday to tell Weems she and Kinbolt will have a lovely tea together in her office.

Cos of the attack, Wednesday has another appointment with Kingbolt earlier and imparts the message to her instead and claims its the Weathervane to try and see if she can influence visions. She doesn't get to know if she can.

Also Rowan is taken off campus by his father so he lives but Wednesday gets no more answers from him.

Final Notes:

But yeah that's about where I am with it.

But I wanted to explore the idea of soul bonds but with the romantic angle being entirely socially engineered. Pus other aspects for the casts as you may have noticed :3c

Oh, also Bianca is more shocked by Thing than Kinbolt, a hint that she is from a background that isolated her from the Outcast community compared to Enid or Yoko who are just sorta like, "Weird but neat" and "My sire has a haunted samurai mask that constantly yells at us. Thing is way more polite."

[jordan-the-pious]

Hello again! I have an update about my sister.

I think trying to hold a sincere conversation uh... Frightened her somehow? She didn't take to it well. She always did get nervous about uh. Real feelings...

Extremely recently, she filmed an indecent video showing off her undergarments and posted it online, specifically asking that it be spread around so she could get lots of attention. Then when she inevitably got disgusting messages from a dangerous seeming person, I had to hide said undergarments so she wouldn't sell them to this person!

Also recently I saw her sending a different dangerous seeming person a weird message revealing her real name and address, calling them a "walking red flag" and herself something like a "helpless deer with red-green colour blindness"????

Sydney is usually able to mellow her out without doing much, which is reassuring, but in no possible universe could I even consider just... Walking up to them and saying "Hello Sydney! Lovely weather we are having! Please babysit my younger twin sister for me. She is very self destructive and I am worthless! Thank you!" For uh... Many reasons! At least she's peaceful and harmless and not being harmed when she's asleep haha...

Oh gosh, I went completely off the rails here... I'm so sorry. I only meant to give you an update like you asked, but I think I got a little worked up...

~ @poorsadorphanposting

Hello there young Edin! Thank you very much for the update, I was rather worried about both of you.

I am sorry to hear that things did not work out well between you and your sister Esmee. I had hoped my advice would have served you well, and I am sad to hear that it seems to have made things worse. Please know that was never my intention.

In terms of Esmee's behaviour, this is all very concerning, I am tempted to say that she may be possessed by something malevolent, but I am worried that making an incorrect call in that area may cause more harm than good.

You mentioned that young Sydney seemed to have a positive effect on her, yes? But that you feel bad asking them to watch over her, which is understandable. You do not want to appear incapable of caring for someone who you care for and who should be relying on you. Perhaps I shall assign young Sydney to take watch over her, and inform me if more direct action is needed.

That way you would not lose face with anyone, and Esmee can maybe achieve the help she needs.

I do worry about you in all of this, young Edin. It cannot be easy seeing one so dear to you change and struggle like this. Know that if you ever need me, even if just to vent your frustrations, I am always here for you. And I know that this decision may be a long ways off, but if you ever become more comfortable with your relationship with your sister, know that there is always room for the both of you here. We would love to have you be a member of the church.

[fictionkinfessions]

[《 Fandom this post is about : «“Persona ５”»｜«“Persona ５ ROYAL”» 》]

[CW : Mentions of death(?), locking people inside ____, potential depersonalization regarding __mi__ (name is a spoiler), maybe some other stuff but those are the major ones I believe?]

[WARNING : This post contains major, MAJOR spoilers for (if I recall correctly) the last parts of «“Persona ５ ROYAL”», please scroll if you haven't finished the game or plan on doing so!]

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

♧ – « “Oh god, I just realized that my first post may somewhat imply (depending on how you look at it) that I actually took Maruki's deal oh crap” »

♤ – « “heyyy, guys.. I hope that's not what anyone thought, that was just me remembering stuff and being sad because we all went our separate ways and also because someone I really cared about was freaking 💀 😞” »

◇ – « “That being said, it would have been horrifying to be in such a reality. Especially because the whole ‘solution’ was just: ‘oh, you're sad? Bingo!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!’, and it didn't really get rid of the root problem.” »

々– « “It felt more of a childish solution to (almost) every problem there could have been. Simply being “happy” all of the time..” »

♡ – « “Not to mention, Sumire wouldn't have even gotten her sister back, she would just have stayed as Kasumi forever, but you know what's somehow WORSE?” »

❅ – « “That it would have been just an idealized version of Kasumi. 😕” »

✪– « “It didn't really feel like he was that same trustworthy therapist I kept going to whenever I felt sad, or whenever I just wanted someone to talk to for all of those months.” »

☆ – « “Which is sad.” »

❀ – « “It's always been sad, seeing how people you have grown to like, or even those you didn't, show their true colors like that.” »

✸ – « “He didn't have bad intentions, of course, but that doesn't remove what he was doing. Good intentions don't remove the wrong actions someone can take to fulfill something.” »

❆ – « “That's why he had a palace, no?” »

✧ – « “But.. even with that being said.. even despite everything that happened.. I feel as though, somehow, I still can't say that I hate him with complete confidence that it's true. I just.. don't know what to feel or think about him. I didn't want my friends to be caged in such a reality, but if they were all going to have the very things they longed for.. was breaking that bubble really the right thing to do? No, of course it was, but sometimes it feels like I did something wrong by not accepting that deal, as terrible it would have been.” »

❂ – « “So if any Maruki is reading this.. please get a therapist for yourself and refrain from giving anyone therapy until you no longer feel like running away from problems or traumatic stuff is somehow better than accepting that they happened. Seriously.” »

✮ – « “Have a nice day, doctor, but please don't try to come near any of my friends or even acquaintances until then. That's the least you could do after that.” »

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

[ Side notes : ]

— #❂🥞🐈‍⬛✮

(《✮ «“Ren Amamiya”» ✮｜❂ «Akira Kurusu» ❂｜♧ «“Joker”» ♤ fictive + fictionkin》)

(How I managed to forget to put the custom tag in post number 6 I will never know.. side effects from using symbols and decorations on excess 😞)

(I should start making more shout outs to certain people in the side notes actually..)

(shout out to Yusuke and Ann!!)

(FINALLY FINISHED DECORATING EVERYTHING, WAR IS OVER 😭😭 I know I said I liked doing this, but sometimes I just wanna share little silly stuff that happens to me.. and then I find myself suffering because I just so happened to believe that decorations on the last few posts I made was the GREATEST idea ever 😞 this is why I forgot to put the custom tag I swear to god 💔)

[ Post number : ７ ]

(slowly becoming a regular here..)

x

[a-v-j]

i am just a human being but i manly i’m just so easy to kill dispite being having a full name that has names from each of the greatest individuals of leaders in history and in stories one of my first neme is literally the same as a book a book and a leader from a story about this guy who my first name came from who was the wisest individual he went from servant to ruler of a land in a matter of days but i don’t even know how to talk to people i originally that people loved getting beat up because well my sister beat me up growing up which got the idea that other people love to get beat up because of how i got bullied by my sister and beat up and basically punched bit and more just because i was weeker than her so i swear to never be week again by training by body to handle every amount of pain ever i would spend weeks to years building my strongth and durability but to no avail because no matter what i did i always stayed week i perfer to say i’m stronger than i actually i’m to avoid getting hurt trust me you would never like my sister she is mean to me because i never could do anything she is one of the worst things in my life making my life worse rither than better hell she said that i would never amount to anything and to give up on my dreams she never supported me or tried to help me out when i needed it she lied to me as well so yeah don’t hurt me by the way or i will call my mom to talk to your mom please don’t hurt me i don’t wanna hurt anyone else my sister as made me wanna kill myself by telling me that i would never amount to anything i started to wonder meybe she’s right at times and that i should just kill myself to end to be with the dead grandpa and now it’s only getting worse my mental state is getting worse at this point my mind is only one piece because of how i many people try to bring me up but my mind is only filled with dispair depression grief anger rage sadness anxiety and all negativity i no longer i’m happy because of my sister making my life worse my grandpa dying and now i lost another family member when will it end when my grandpa died that’s when i become consumed by negativity the trauma almost broke my mind i was forced to watch my grandpa die right in front of my eyes hopeless and powerless to do anything as my grandpa died right as i had to watch after i tried everything to bring him back trust me back than if a demon offered to bring him back to life i wouldn’t think i would accept the deal even if it meant I had to sell my soul to get my granpa back i would done it because in my mind at that point i would have done anything to get him back even if i had to sell my soul to get him back that’s how dispirit i was i was so deeply dispirite to get him back from the dead that i tried to summon a demon to make a deal to bring him back to life i learned everything i could thinking by learning everything i could find a way to bring him back to life the way he was born so i read everything watch every educational thing you can think of to everything i can because i couldn’t accept that he died i just couldn’t if i saw my grandma die it would break me that’s how much willing to do for the ones i care about

Is this a weird summary of John Maxwell's “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”?