#if you knew me in middle school no you didn't

[222col]

good luck, babe

★ tashi duncan x reader ★ inspired by 'good luck, babe' by chappell roan ★ 1.8k ★ 18+ | cw: angst, smut

"tashi, c'mon, let's go." you're pleading with her, pulling her from the man she's wrapped around. flirty eyes looking up the man before her, leaning up to kiss him. you sigh, you've seen this sight a hundred times. kissing boys in bars before going home with you. you're halfway out the bar by the time tashi comes running over to you. "sorry, he was so cute." she's hiccuping her way through her words, drunk making out with boys. she's sober almost every time she kisses you. linking her arm through yours as you make your way back to your shared dorm room. sitting her down, taking off her make up and getting her changed. "goodnight, angel." you sigh, placing a kiss to her forehead as you tuck her in. "give me a proper kiss." you do, of course. tasting the tequila shots on her tongue mixed with her cherry flavoured chapstick.

you're not sure when you fell in love with tashi, honestly it could have been the moment you saw her. walking into your dorm room to meet your roommate, seeing her unpacking her bags. her snaggletoothed smile greeting you, you think it must have been then. watching her hang up your posters for you, when you wanted them somewhere you couldn't reach. it could have been the first party you went to, dancing with her like you fully understood how your body moved for the first time, when it was dancing against hers. you know it was definitely the first time you kissed. hiding in the bathroom of your dorm room while your friends were over pregaming, not wanting to talk to anyone but each other. backs against the bathtub as your lips met. you think she initiated it, she thinks you did. neither of you really care. those big brown eyes pulled you in the second you really saw them. you let yourself be dragged into her world, happy to have a piece of her that was yours. she slept in your bed almost every night, caressing the skin of your stomach as she held your back against her chest. you knew she wasn't out, she barely admitted it to herself. she knew she liked you, but that was as far as she could go in accepting her sexuality. stealing kisses and touching her behind closed doors was fine for a while, you'd never rush her. but it was when she started pushing you away that things got hard. she'd kiss boys at every bar you went to, almost always in front of you. she was in denial, forcing herself to ignore how she was falling in love with you. she'd always lie, telling you it's just how she was. but it wasn't, she just couldn't admit that she was in deeper than she thought.

she climbed into your bed in the middle of the night, most likely when the alcohol started to wear off. "i'm sorry, i wish i could kiss you instead of them." she mumbles into your skin. why don't you? you'd wonder. you'd never want her to push herself out of the closet, but you couldn't help longing for more. even if she didn't kiss you, why kiss anyone else? you brush her off, telling her it's okay. you didn't want call it off, but she didn't want call it love, she couldn't. her hand sneaks around your waist, down underneath your underwear. "tashi," you mumble, squirming under her touch. "shush, let me look after you." she whispers into your ear, placing wet kisses on the skin of your neck. her long fingers rubbing circles on your clit, causing quiet moans from you. "just wanna kiss you in front of everyone, wanna show them you're mine." you're so grateful you're facing away from her as she speaks, silent tears dropping down your cheeks as her digits keep circling you. she makes you cum quickly, she knows exactly what you like, how you like to be touched by her. tashi leans over to place a gentle kiss to your cheek as she slides her hand out of your panties. keeping you flush against her chest as you fall asleep in each other's arms.

you carry on like this with tashi for the rest of the school year, rejecting girls who are into you, waiting for the day she'll stop kissing boys in bars. it's only as you're both packing up your dorm room that everything hits you. seeing your things blended in with hers, your shared clothes, pictures of the two of you darted around the room. you're waiting for a woman that'll never be yours. watching her slump down to the floor, her back against her bed after all your things were packed away in individual cars. "i need to talk to you." she sighs, looking up to you stood above her. you sit down on the floor, facing tashi, your heart in your throat. "i- uh, i have a boyfriend." tashi bites her lip, bringing her knees up to her chest as you feel your heart start to shatter. "what?" you ask, fiddling with the socks on your feet. "but i don't wanna stop this, us," she continues, her eyes glassy as she looks to you. "i love you, i don't wanna call us off." you scoff at her words, shaking your head down at the floor. "you're unbelievable." you mumble, picking at your nails, avoiding her gaze. "i have been so patient, all year, praying for the day you'll tell me you love me." you breathe out, finally meeting her eyes. "and when it comes, it's you asking me to stay hidden away while you parade around with a boy?" your words are sharp, harsh. tashi's brows are furrowing, holding back her sadness. "no, tashi. i won't do it." you mutter, a single tear dropping down your cheek. "it's not fair, what you're asking me to do."

she simply nods her head, wrapping her arms around her knees. "i know-" you cut off her words. "then why would you ask me to do that?" you choke out your words, looking around the empty dorm room, that holds all the memories of your relationship with tashi. blue tac marks left behind on the walls were pictures of you both lived, coffee mug stains on your nightstand, that tashi would bring you every morning. the slight indents on the wall behind the bed frames, the kiss mark left on the mirror. "because i don't want to let you go." tashi bites back a sob, tears slipping out from her eyes as she rests her chin on the top of her knees. "i'm sorry tashi, but i can't do that. you deserve more than lying to yourself that you want the life you're making. i won't do that to myself, i deserve more than some sexually explicit kind of love affair." those were the last words you said in that dorm room, looking at her one last time, looking so small as tears fell from her eyes. breathing in sharply before closing the door on the dorm, on the memories, on her.

you'd heard through the grapevine that she got married, a year or two after college. you imagine to the guy she told you about, but you wouldn't know. you moved on with your life, found people who accepted you, accepted who you were, and loved you for it. you moved on from tashi duncan. until you saw her friend request come through, all these years later. you stare at it, the accept or decline, for days. stare at her new name, stalk through what you can see of her profile, mainly pictures of her and her husband. you're slightly tipsy when you accept the request, sat at a bar alone, glass of wine in hand.

tashi donaldson: hey, i know we haven't seen each other in a long time but do you wanna go for a drink soon?

all these years later and the memories still flood your brain. watching her tennis matches, watching her fall asleep in your arms, holding her hand under tables. you agree to meet up next week, she's in your city for one of her husband's tournaments. walking into the bar, tashi already sat waiting for you. she looks good, her hair is shorter. she's fiddling with the rings on her finger as her hands wrap around her drink. walking over, her eyes lighting up as you take off your jacket and sit down in front of her. "hey, i got you a vodka soda." she smiles, it used to be your favourite. "i don't drink them anymore." she chews the inside of her cheek as she flags down the waiter to order you another drink. "it's been a long time, tashi, why am i here?" you ask her, thanking the waiter as your new drink arrives. "i've been thinking about you a lot lately, i just wanted to see you." she admits, your eyes floating between her face and the rock on her finger. you sigh, bringing your glass up to your lips. "i loved you, you know?" you shake your head at her words. "tashi, this isn't fair. you're married, a wife."

"i'm nothing more than his wife. i can't stand it." tashi breathes heavily. you can see the emotional behind her eyes, see everything she's been holding back all this time. "that's what you wanted." you hiss, not letting yourself fall for her games. "you could never even kiss me outside of our dorm room, tashi. you wanted me to be your secret play thing while you played house with your now husband." she winces at your words, she knows it's true. her eyes fixate on the table, glancing at the ring on her finger. "i hate to say it, but, i told you so. i told you this wasn't the life you wanted, it's not who you are, tashi, i understand that." you're whispering the last words, leaning towards her. her eyes lift up, looking into yours. "but you can't just expect me to come running back to you." tashi's eyes flutter closed, breathing in deeply, you can feel her leg bouncing up and down. "i know, it's just-" her brows furrow as she empties her lungs, looking to you. "you're the only woman i've ever loved. the only person i've ever truly loved." you've never seen tashi so vulnerable, never heard her admit her feelings outside the four walls of your old dorm room. "you've spent your whole life trying to ignore how you feel tashi, you'd have to stop the world to stop the feeling." you can see a sob get stuck in her throat as she chokes it down, bringing up her drink to her lips, letting the alcohol burn down. "good luck, tashi. i mean it, good luck, babe."

you half smile at her as you stand, putting your jacket back on. her eyes are pleading with you, asking you to stay, but she can't find the words. taking one last look as you leave the bar, looking through the foggy windows. her head in her hands, the ring on her finger glistening in the low light. biting back a sob as your eyes linger on her, before walking away. hoping that one day, she'll learn to accept herself. good luck, babe.

[euryvices]

weird things about my town that lowkey remind me of tma

god, this is going to be a long post.

okay so. i grew up in a town in the middle east (about 200 people), with my bestfriend Whom I Will Not Shut The Fuck Up about apparently, and it was a strikingly different experience to most people who've grown up in the middle east, or in america. it was yk, a rich people town, populated and run mostly by generational wealth owners. as a result, our town was very hush-hush, despite it being in the Crackass Of Nowhere.

i started listening to tmagp about two months back, under the instructions (*cough cough coercion cough cough*) of my lovely moots (im looking at you @forflightlessbirds and @need-a-name-101) i've noticed a few things which may be...off.

the first thing i need to clarify are the rules. we had five of them, that nobody really stuck to, but we all knew of. the rules in and of themselves are normal things any parent tells their child, but weirdly specific. there weren't really any repercussions if we didn't stick to the rules - but most of the time, we didn't like breaking them. they were, as follows :

don't tell strangers your real name, and if you do, run and tell the head of the community center.

if people approach you about 'coming to god' (i.e, christian/muslim/jewish missionaries) tell them god has moved.

do Not enter the junkyard at night. (we broke this one)

always carry a knife. most of us were given jade knives, but my bestfriend got a gold one. ive teased him about it most of our lives, even after we shifted.

take a buddy with you everywhere, and if you can't find one, don't go out.

me and my brother have broken all these rules about once at least, except for the knife one and the junkyard. me and my bestfriend broke the junkyard one though. we shifted together when we were barely teens. first, we lived in the uk, then in the states. we headed back home and barely spoke for a year before he died, at the ripe old age of 17. i miss him, but thats not the point.

it was only after we moved, that we realized how truly Fucked Up our town was. we were living in the middle of war ravaged county, and we had swimming pools, and ipads, and sunset cocktails? obviously i didn't realise it as a kid, as a pre-teen even - but looking at it from the outside feels like a gut punch.

now here's where im going to yap about the similarities between tma and my shitstorm of a childhood and hopefully Will Not Piss Anyone Off. if you're from my town - you'll know exactly what im talking about, and i seriously hope you reach out and/or message me.

the things everyone knows the things. they're just. there. kinda like the bogeyman your mom scares you with when you don't eat lunch except most of us have just accepted that they're real

old man hanna if you've lived here, you know him. he's weird, he's kooky, and he's got a million books and tape recorders and vinyls. he's maybe the only person in that place that doesn't come from money. he hates electronics, says they can't capture things the way old school stuff does

the graves now, our town is mainly christian. uber arab christian. we've got graves, we've got cemeteries. but outside it, on the outskirts, lie a long line of unmarked graves. are they from the arab-israeli war? the gulf war? lord knows

the 2015 blackout this was the creepiest thing that happened here. the blackout, and then the radio stations playing that reading of the bible? my parents shut everything off and rushed me and bulos to the master bedroom

the skydiving institute i have no idea if the government approved this godforsaken place, but it was there. it led to the disappearance of nahren, who was deathly afraid of heights but she said she was ready to face her fears

the church when i shifted to the uk, i saw the proceedings of the greek orthodox church there. and let me tell you - it's so different to our church. for starters, our church doesn't even seem to have any affiliation to the goc, even though it should?? the entire thing is so different

the pond now this is rather controversial. our town's pond was created in the early 70's, but no one knows How or Why. realistically, there shouldn't have been any water supply that far inland. and the water should not be that salty. we don't acknowledge it, and no one drinks from it, even if its really hot. there's a sign outside that asks parents to hold their children tightly when passing by the pond

the soldiers they're mainly american (at least the one i met was), but they rarely enter our town. and when they do, they can only stay in one specific motel - we're not allowed to talk to them. once i did, though. im still...fucked up from it

there's a lot more, but i don't think y'all wanna know about my fucked up town anymore. just writing this is giving me the heebie-jeebies.

we usually aren't allowed to leave our town once we're in it. but my dad got special permission for us to leave, before the divorce. so we did. and then my parents got divorced. which made our family Not Happy, so we weren't exactly welcomed back.

that being said, i don't think there's anything really wrong with my town. it's just a bit...different. and i love it. even if it doesn't seem to love me right now.

god, i think i need to go lay down. i hate remembering all this.

[wh1spyz]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ LET ME LOVE YOU

P1HARMONY hyung line when they accidentally confess to you

a/n : sorry if these lowkey suck.. i ran out of ideas...

KEEHO and you loved shopping together. it was a routine for both of you since you were absolute shopaholics, so might as well share the experience together, no?

you were both strolling around the mall, several bags in his grasp despite your insistence that you could carry a few bags (he wouldn't listen, of course, since he was just as stubborn as you). your eyes lock on a certain jewelry shop, a glimmer in your eyes as your eyes lock on a pair of gorgeous earrings and keeho notices your intense stare.

though, you quickly saw the price tag of a few items on display, and your eyes widened in shock, and you groaned.

"god! why are all the pretty things expensive these days..." you mumble, continuing to walk until keeho grabbed your hand and interlocked it with his.

"you want the earrings right?" he says, looking at you with a smile that brightened up your day even more than his amazing offer. but regardless, you nodded eagerly.

you both walked into the store, your eyes wandering to the other things, but you knew it was out of your budget, and you were grateful with what keeho was buying you anyways. once you reached the cash register with the earrings, the cashier inspected the both of you.

"are you two a couple?" she says, and you shake your head no.

"nope!" you say, a bit too quick for keeho's liking (but that was only because you were getting embarrassed).

"maybe we should be, princess..." keeho mumbles, continuing to grab his card from his pocket and pay for the pair of earrings, not realizing his comment until he looks up from his wallet and sees your widened eyes and flushed face.

"..."

"ah, said that outloud didn't i?"

THEO had a habit of going to this small, corner cafe near his apartment whether it was just to get a small cup of coffee, a pastry, or just to intake the smell of the cafe, he would go almost everyday. you were always there as well, leading the two of you to become friends.

you eventually arrived a bit later than you usually do, and you bumped into theo in the middle of the street.

"ah, y/n! youre a bit late today, no?" he says, with a soft smile and a laugh.

"oh shut up, i just came back from a date, thats all." you said, rolling your eyes.

after you said that, theo's face seemed.. sad? upset even, and you were just confused. was it because he had a bad day? did you say something? was it the date that made him upset?

"hey, whats up? you look upset.." you say, placing a hand on his shoulder.

theo sighs, looking a bit annoyed.

"its nothing, just cant believe that someone got to take you out on a date before me.."

JIUNG was the one of the smartest kids in your school, but he was a prime target for bullies. he was constantly getting picked on and bullied by others in his class, but he was unable to defend himself.

that was the case, until you came along.

you were a new transfer, and immediately picked up on how badly he was being treated, and defended him constantly.

whether it would be someone trying to throw paper balls at him, or trying to hurt or ridicule him in the halls, you were always there. this lead to you both becoming best friends, telling eachother everything.

well, almost everything.

and with your help, he eventually ended up making a few friends.

you and jiung were having a short study session for your upcoming exam, but it quickly just became a truth or dare session for the two of you.

"ok jiung, truth or dare?"

he thinks for a moment before answering.

"dare? i guess..."

your eyes widened and you smile, and jiung knows he just made a mistake.

"call your crush, right now. and confess."

his eyes widened, and his face flushed a bright red. he had told you he was friends with his crush, so he couldn't get out of this situation.

he sighed, scrolling through a few of his contacts, debating on which one to call to decieve you into thinking it was someone else, before accidentally clicking on your contact, thinking it was someone else (due to how similar the contact names were) and called you.

your phone rang, and you both looked at eachother with wide eyes.

"shit."

[thirteendaysintaunton]

how long did dimi and el know each other for as kids, like a month or two? and then he wants to claim that he knows her better and claim some kind of ownership over that friendship? that's like me saying my friend from summer camp taught me how to make boondoggle and then I never saw her again when camp ended, how dARE SHE NOT MAKE ME HER BEST MAN AT HER WEDDING

[introspectivememories]

best ending: they talk it out after lewis wins his 8th wdc and we end up with brocedes in each other's lives again. lewis shows up on nico's yt channel. nico is on lewis' insta. vivian dogwalks both of them for letting the divorce last that long. i join the convent because this is clearly a miracle from god and reblog gifsets of brocedes interacting from the chapel. rinse, repeat.

ending we're most likely gonna get: whatever the hell we have now. nico talks about lewis. lewis will say karting is the best time of his career. for two seconds out of the year, lewis will say nico's name. i will sob, rinse, repeat.

worst ending: they shut the fuck up about each other forever. they process the divorce and move on with their lives without each other. i will go on tumblr and reblog angsty web weaves about their relationship and what could've been. i take psychic damage. rinse. repeat.

[redysetdare]

Y'know me never believing love at first sight makes a lot more sense once I realized I was AroAce.

I was the annoying kid who would always go "Um actually it's infatuation not love." when "love" songs came on that was about one night stands or men finding women attractive on first meeting and saying that they were in love or whatever.

I am so AroAce that even younger me knew this Love nonsense was bullshit.

[enobariasdistrict2]

thinking about the scene in book!tbosas where teslee (district three female) was being attacked by the horrifying snakes and she nonverbally pleaded with mizzen (district four male) for help. and he only shook his head, not moving to help her - but the book specifically stated that this was more out of stunned fear/horror than any kind of menace or glee at teslee's imminent death.

and he wasn't even from her district too. they were not in an alliance. she literally had no reason to expect any assistance from him, but district divisions & sectionalism didn't matter when she was scared and in pain. none of these divisions of districts one, two, three, four, five through twelve matter!!! not when children are suffering and dying as penance for a just war that ended several years ago! it's as if the narrative is trying to tell you there is no difference between a suffering/dying child from one district or another.

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

[maddy-ferguson]

fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

As the first math anon (the one with the failed exam), I really do appreciate you writing out a response for me. I will sincerely take your advice and tips to heart.

I hope it helps, anon!! If there's any specific parts giving you trouble (except geometry bestie sorry) I'm happy to try and help break it down!

[charlesleclerctv]

what's ur fave one direction album.. cant believe we've never discussed this before

FOUR !!!! not a single skip 🫡 something about 2014 albums hits like crack

[wrinkledparchment]

if we meet again, somewhere far away

My dearest, I will not rush to join you in heaven, to stand by your side again.

I will not run to the arms of relief, the sweet embrace of death, to escape this pain.

I will not end my time prematurely, I will not do as you did.

I will take my time, picking flowers in the field, buying every souvenir, eating something new, meeting the people you did not.

I will take my time, in visiting the places that you wanted to go with me, smiling in the sunshine, getting wet in the rain.

I will gather these experiences, photographs, trinkets, flavours, scents, and I will present them to you, when it is all over.

I will empty my pockets before you, and show you what you willingly gave up. I will show you the laughter, the joy, the love, the light, and the sadness, the grief, and the bittersweet.

I will present it all to you, and I will tell you, smiling, "Do you see what you missed?"

And I will sob before you too, and I will ask what I've been wondering all this time, "Why didn't you want to Come with me?"

And I will have to settle for the answer I didn't want, "I didn't know there was such beauty, until you showed it to me."

And I will grab your hands, and I will look you in the eyes. "I could've shown you, if you'd asked." And we will both cry and apologize, finally understanding each other, because we will both know that I was lying.

[grilledkatniss]

Kim Kardashian is not, never was, and never will be a victim.

[moe-broey]

Thank you transwomen (in general but also) for the term "boymode" bc using that terminology for myself as a transguy (so, "girlmode") has been the only way I've been able to aptly and succinctly describe whatever the hell was going on *vaguely gestering to my adolescence from ages 15 to 19* there.

[boys-and-such]

sometimes i mayhaps would like a boyfriend

[liinos]

saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!