#im liking angst very much atm

[tartagliatum]

SPOILERS FOR FONTAINE ARCHON QUEST PART 4

This just gave us so much help

I mean we had aether throwing up and then freminet (idk if he's a little too young for you or not) with the primordial sea water 😶😶😶

the way aether brought it on himself too like pls 😭😭 unless it happens again but i have Yet to finish bc of work </3

there isn't really enough of freminet yet for me to figure out his character but i honestly just felt like sad for him. the LYNEY material though ohhhh :) all of his fear and pain rooted in codependence/abandonment issues and the need to shoulder the blame causing him to panic even thru a sedative making him all sick and slow and blurry like .......maybe his anxiety ridden ass needed to be tranquilized damn. i can't lie i really did enjoy the angst and pain they put lyney thru i lov him so much <3

[sc3n3kitt3h]

doodles !!!!

[qlossytbh]

𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐛𝐚𝐮!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 you were in an accident and both you and spencer are figuring out how to deal with it.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 angst, typical criminal minds content, reader gets beat up, physical violence, descriptions of physical injury’s, lots of freaking out, mild panic attack, angst + comfort, established relationship

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 2.5k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 this fic is inspired entirely on billie’s eilish’s the 30th. haven’t been posting but i’ve got a lot of almost finished drafts and requests im getting through atm

𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Sometimes, Spencer hated his limitless memory.

Because of course, it worked wonders when he had to remember important dates, or endless facts that came remarkably handy in cases. Things no one else even considers remembering. Amazing for remembering favorite things of his favorite people, or remembering things they��d previously mentioned liking.

It was amazing until it found ways to haunt him.

He remembered when Morgan pulled to a stop, glancing up at the red light in front of him. He remembered when Penelope typed away aimlessly in the back of the car, reading out a few connections she found between this particular Unsub and the third and hopefully last victim. Everything was fine.

They almost had the case figured out. Hotch had called in, (exactly twenty-three minutes ago) informing them that that you and Emily had a lead on the whereabouts of the Unsub.

He remembered the tone in Morgan’s voice when he picked up the phone. “What?”

Both him and Penelope had glanced his way absentmindedly, not really thinking much of it.

“Do they know who yet?” He had asked, taking a sudden sharp turn towards the left. The pair watched as Morgan’s face fell, and his grip on the steering wheel had tightened. He remembered the look on Penelope’s face as she quickly glanced over at him, who probably looked equally as worried, if not more. Something hadn’t been sitting right, at all— he remembered from the second the day had started something inside him was telling him that.

“What’s going on?” Penelope's voice was shaky when she set her computer down to the side. Spencer just kept his eyes on Derek, narrowing them slightly at the subtle gulp in his throat and the way he nervously looked over at him. Not Penelope, him.

“Derek—“

He remembered when he told him that you had been hurt and how he was unable to think of anything else.

He looked forward towards the road, avoiding the way his co-worker and friend sat up in his seat, straining against his seatbelt as his chest turned to face him. “I don’t know exactly what happened, Hotch just told me she was ambushed and they’re now waiting on the ambulance.”

“Ambulance?” He could’ve sworn his heart dropped into the very pits of his stomach.

Penelope covered her mouth, tears already boring into them with a soft gasp that came from her mouth. “Is she okay?”

Derek’s mouth twisted into a straight line as he opened his mouth to speak and Spencer swore he had never felt as much panic course through him.

He didn’t usually freak out, but he swore his head just stopped working right there and then. All he was able to think about was getting to you. “They don’t know—“

“Drive.” Spencer told Derek. With a firm nod and no room for complaint, he stepped on the gas pedal, signaling on the sirens as he swerved through the streets.

Six minutes and thirty five point two seconds.

That's how long it took for them to get to the scene, where two ambulances and cop cars seemed displayed around the small suburban home. He felt time move as if it were in slow motion.

The car hadn’t even come to a stop and Spencer was already stumbling throughout the door, pushing his shaky legs towards the already chaotic scene.

Unbearable noises surrounded him— people clattering and shouting about, orders being thrown around aimlessly, sirens and bypassers stopping to gasp and gaunt at the scene.

Two officers were down on the floor, covered by a simple thin white cloth and he felt the nausea settle in. Just the thought of one of them being you made his knees grow weak and the bile quickly hike its way up his throat.

Before he could rush around in attempts to find you, his eyes landed on Hotch, hunched over a moving stretcher surrounded by about three, maybe even more, medics.

It all seemed visceral. An automatic response. Soon enough his legs were pushing him towards the stretcher that made its way towards the ambulance. “Hotch—“

He turned around, and allowed just enough space to reveal your absolutely destroyed form. Your eyes kept fluttering open and close, seemingly bothered by all the noise and light. Your breathing sounded strangled, covered by the oxygen mask you had on but the sound alone was something Spencer was sure would haunt him until the day he died.

He still remembered.

Spencer felt like he had been punched in the stomach. All he could do was push one of the medics aside and hunch over you as you fought against the universe itself to regain consciousness.

“Hey,” He cooed, voice tightening and nearly breaking in a cry. He cleared his throat and blinked through his tears, smiling down at you.

You couldn’t say a single word, but you mustered enough strength to lift your pinky, grazing it against his knuckles. Your face showed a much different reaction though, furrowing your brows in what seemed to be excruciating pain.

“She’s mostly unresponsive,” The medics informed. Spencer followed them alongside Hotch, until they got to the ambulance, clicking the stretcher upwards.

“Hey, listen to me,” He whispered, ducking down so he was closer to you. “I love you, okay?”

Your small fist grabbed the fabric of his shirt, not wanting him to leave your side, but it was hurting you too much to hold on. Your fist feebly fell and the medics somehow pushed him off and you were taken into the ambulance and he really didn’t know if that was the last time he’d see you.

He watched the doors slam shut, frozen completely in his place. He remembered watching the ambulance drive away and having to stop his legs from running after it. He remembered Hotch trying to grab his attention from the disappearing ambulance.

He remembered thinking non-stop but for the first time ever, wanting to stop it and not being able to.

Something so alarming started to awaken within him and he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself.

He spent thirteen hours and sixteen minutes in the hospital that night and next morning. Hotch and the others came by in turns to keep him company in the cold empty waiting room, but he didn’t budge.

The second to stay the most was Emily, given how she was also attacked at the scene but much less severely. She ended up with a few bruises and scratches— she silently wished it had been more.

Maybe then the damage on you would’ve been less.

He remembered sitting with Morgan and the others when the doctors came in, informing him that you had gone into hypovolemic shock and they needed to perform an emergency surgery to stop the internal bleeding that was causing your vitals to plummet.

Spencer even remembered, word by word and syllable by syllable that there was a high chance that you may not even wake up from the surgery due to how much trauma your body had received.

Three broken ribs, dozens, maybe hundreds, lacerations scattered across your arms and stomach, a ruptured spleen and a concussion. That wasn’t even including all the bits of physiological trauma you now had to attack once— and if— you woke up.

Spencer seriously felt his resolve to remain calm crumple the second the medics mentioned that the Unsub used a metal pole to beat you nearly to death.

He had asked for every detail and he remembered each one and how utterly hopeless they all made him feel. He cried, because he simply didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t know how to fix it, or how to help— he wasn’t even sure he could.

Because what if he had been there instead of Emily? What if he was able to stop it? What if more backup was sent in, what if when you had told him you felt off this morning when going into work he’d tell you to stay put and rest it off? What would’ve happened then?

What if he would’ve gone with Emily instead of you, what if you were actually lifeless when they had found you? What if you didn’t wake up? What if this meant he’d never get to hold you for a last time, and had to stick with the memory of seeing you bloody and bruised. What if you never actually—

“Reid,” Spencer looked up from his palms, which holstered themselves on his knees by his elbows. Emily smiled at him meekly. “She’s awake,”

Spencer looked around, blinking heavily and realizing he was in the same cold hospital waiting room he’s been in for the past day and a half.

He opened his mouth to speak, but realized it was incredibly dry. Too dry. He cleared out his throat with a firm cough and nodded, standing up feebly.

They walked down the quiet hallway, something so heavy hanging in the air. Just the patterning of his shoes and Emily’s heels bouncing off the walls along with the shuffling of their clothes. Spencer swore he wouldn’t be okay until he saw you but even then he didn’t think he’d be okay. How was any of this going to be okay?

Emily led him to a door and when they pushed it open, you were staring at the wall, seemingly in some kind of deep whirlwind of thoughts. A small knock offered by Emily caught your attention. You turned your head to the side, probably expecting another endless round of nurses. But to your surprise, there stood the one person you’d been wanting to see after this whole ordeal.

A broad yet tired smile made its way onto your face while laying back into the pillows. Spencer took you in, letting out a shaky breath. Your hair was disheveled, and your eyes looked tired. Soft and welcoming but hiding something so much deeper underneath that he’d have to be an idiot to not notice it.

There was a stitch on your forehead and the lash line of one of your eyes protruded a growing dark purple bruise. There were machines and cables and needles stuck beside and into you. And the more Spencer noticed, the more he wished he hadn’t.

“Hey,” Your voice was raspier than usual, small and steady, Spencer noticed this.

But then you smiled just like you used to before the accident and he couldn’t have found you any more beautiful.

“Hey,” He finally answered, walking up to the side of your bed. “How— How are you feeling?”

“I’ll give you guys some privacy.” Emily said, slipping past the door and leaving the two of you to your own accord.

“I’m okay,” You whispered, sounding so small and frail it nearly broke any ounce of self control he was mustering to avoid breaking into tears. “The pain meds are helping a bit,”

He gave you a silent understanding nod. His hand held onto the railing of your bed, not entirely knowing what to say or how to act. You watched him intently, noticing how he couldn’t really bring himself to look at you.

“Do you remember anything?” You turned to stare at the wall, trying to recall anything about the attack, but you unfortunately— some would argue fortunately— didn’t.

You shifted in your bed, scrunching your face in pain in the process, which Spencer noticed. Again. Of course he did.

Spencer looked down at you, dangerously entering territory where the back of his eyes burned, and his own mind bit at him, and he just didn’t know what to do with all the huge feelings that swarmed around inside him.

“Not really,” You muttered, scrunching your nose with a small huff. Spencer reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and letting his hand cup the side of your cheek.

“You really scared me,” You leaned into the touch of his palm.

“I’m sorry,” He shook his head before he even spoke, blinking rapidly to prevent any tears from falling.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I almost died,”

Okay, they were starting there. Great.

You had said it in barely above a whisper, staring at your lap and preventing Spencer from getting a look in your eyes. Your lips tugged into a frown. And Spencer said your name, trying to catch your attention.

Suddenly it all hit you. The gravity of it all. It came in stronger than a tidal wave, than a slap you didn’t even see coming. You felt the burning in your ribs, the rips and tears in your skin, the slight swell of your eye, the rattling of your own skull.

Spencer pulled out a chair and sat on it to level himself to your height. He reached out a hand and laced his fingers with yours.

It felt hard to breathe.

More silence.

“You okay?” You sucked in a sharp breath that came out as a little squeak, and suddenly you wanted to cry. Because you were tired of feeling so broken and feeling how every inch of your body hurt.

You shook your head and as soon as you did, a broken sob left your mouth. Your hands flew up quickly, attempting to hide the broken fragments of your gaze. Spencer heard every shard of the glass his heart had been made of around you shatter. He sat up, attempting to hold you from the side in any way he could, letting you cry out all the trauma you received in the past two days.

And you did cry it out, and your ribs burned, your head was pounding and you felt every ache and bruise in your body worsen. Seeing you like this hurt him more than any pain that had ever been inflicted on him.

Spencer pulled away from you once you had calmed down enough and brought one hand to the side of your face, leisurely dragging his thumb against your cheek bone and anywhere any stray tears fell.

“Dang it,” You sniffled, bringing the back of your palm up and rubbing your nose. “This is not how I wanted you to see me after my mini coma,”

Spencer knew you couldn’t keep serious for more than fifteen minutes at a time even if your life depended on it. He’d let you stall the situation this time however. He knows the two of you needed it.

“You look so pretty,” You smiled at his words, looking at him with so much gratitude and leaning into his palm, trying to find refuge in it.

“I bet I do,” You narrowed your eyes at him and he leaned forward pressing a kiss to your lips. You grabbed the wrist of the hand that held your face while he kissed you and gave it a small squeeze, hopefully letting him know how much you cared and appreciated him.

He pulled away, sitting back into the chair but intertwining his fingers with yours, reminding himself to always drag his fingers comfortingly across your knuckles and allow you to know he wasn’t ever leaving your side again.

“They had to change my IV needle,” You decided to stall for a bit. “The vein on my right arm wasn’t doing the job.”

“Really?” He knew that wasn’t entirely possible and that the doctors probably did an ass job at inserting it there in the first place, but he let you wonder on. “How’d that feel?”

“Im afraid of needles, but!-“ You shuffled a little bit around on your pillow for more comfort, huffing proudly. “I squeezed my eyes and tried thinking back on that book that talks about marxist criticism you read to me last week,”

He smiled warmly, bringing your hand over to him and kissing your wrist. “My brave girl,”

You let out a laugh, and he knew then he’d sleep a little better that night. He always did when you were by him.

“Hey Spence,”

“Yeah?”

“Can you stay?” You asked earnestly.

Spencer squeezed your hand. “Your pain meds are hitting you stronger than you thought if you think for a second that i’m leaving your side,”

You smiled. “I’m not going anywhere angel, I promise.”

The two of you basked in each other's silence. You closed your eyes and tried to alleviate the burning in your lungs as your breath shaked from the crying. Spencer just watched you, appreciating a while longer the small freckles and marks across your face.

“Spence,” He hummed, “I’m scared.”

He sighed heavily. Suddenly realizing that this wasn’t something easy to come. And he was too, because he almost lost the love of his life and he didn’t know what that information would do to him, much less to you.

For the first time, Spencer was out of smart answers and reasons why this would all be okay. It was hard for him to think he’d never feel this scared of loosing you again, and that idea haunted him.

“So am I,”

[liketolovexx]

heyyy, can i request good old enemies to lovers with so much angst but ends with fluff with sirius??? maybe they used to be friends before and Sirius just suddenly turned cold? and the reader was giving the same energy and all they do is bicker and one time the reader just burst out about how siri is being a prick and then it ends with confession?? it's very long 😭😭im sorry

Hey guys!!! Sorry I’m going through requests VERRRRY slowly atm but please feel free to leave requests in my inbox for me to get round to <3 love u all so much

Also, I included reader seeing Regulus as a little brother figure and looking after him, because I can’t not :-( sorry if it puts u off the fic!!

(CW: LOTS of angst, child abuse from walburga, sad Sirius, sad Regulus, Sirius being cold and cruel to cope with loss, basically the reader being the black brother’s best friend, ends with fluff<3)

“I used to love you.” ~S.O.B

{you were from a pure blood family, best friends with Sirius Black. You comforted him through his mother’s cruelty, and fell in love along the way. Until Sirius ran away, leaving you to protect his little brother from harm out of the love you still held. Now, when you see him in school, you give him a reciprocated glare. But why does he hate you?}

“Sirius, come here!” Came the harsh, threatening voice of Walburga Black, she sounded angry, really angry, and you watched Sirius tense, looking up from the book you were reading together. His eyes were wide, face whiter than usual, holding much more terror than a little boy should ever have to endure. You put a hand on his shoulder, warming him in this cold house. “Hey, it’s fine. Whatever happens, you can come back up to me after. I’ll take care of you.” You told him. You may have been only children at the time, but the way Sirius nodded and his silver eyes softened and glittered with tears, you knew you had a certain way with him.

Alone in Sirius’s room, you played with your hands, shoulders stiff as you listened to the mother scream ruthlessly at her son, trying not to picture the broken, guilty, vacant expression you knew would be adorning Sirius’s tear-stained face. You couldn’t hear Sirius’s responses to Walburga’s yelling, you knew he froze up when he was scared, so he’d be mumbling in response. “I DONT CARE IF YOUR FRIEND IS UPSTAIRS. YOU ARE A DISGRACE ALREADY!” She yelled. You had to cover your ears when gut-wrenching cries and wails started to echo up the stairs. Walburga was using the crucio curse on her son. Again.

~~~

Soon, the screams ceased and Sirius rushed up the stairs and into his room where you still sat. He slammed the door desperately, and crumbled to the floor beneath it, shaking like a leaf and loud sobs starting to make his small back heave. You leaped off of his bed and knelt beside him. Hesitantly, you reached out to touch his back, but he flinched away from you with a sharp, choked gasp. That was when the first crack painfully sliced its way through your heart. To see your best friend weak and bawling on the floor of his bedroom, scared of even you, was an agonising feeling. Eventually, Sirius realised you wouldn’t hurt him, and wiggled into your lap, crying quieter now. His head found its way into your neck as he cried, and you could feel his wet tears snaking down your skin.

“Sirius, I’m here.” You whispered into his disheveled black curls. At that, you felt his body weaken in your lap. Before you knew it, he was asleep ontop of you, your arms wrapped around him. He stirred, turning slightly, slipping down your body so his head lay comfortably on your chest, and your face scrunched in both pity and guilt. A puddle of thick crimson blood stuck his hair to his pale forehead. You hated yourself for not being able to stop his mother from hurting him. Watching his body rise and fall with each peaceful breath he took as he slept, you spat on your sleeve and wiped the blood away, earning a harsh twitch and broken whimper from the raven-haired boy. He deserved nothing but peace.

With Sirius draped over your body like a snow-white blanket, hair splayed over you like he’d claimed you as his own bed, the door creaked open. You tensed, holding Sirius tighter, ready to give anything to protect him if Walburga showed in the door, but instead, a small frame appeared. Regulus. “Oh, Regulus.. did the shouting scare you?” You ask softly. The boy nods. He’s the spitting image of his big brother. “Is Siri okay?” He murmurs, rubbing his eye. You nod. “C’mere.”

Regulus tucks himself into the crook of your arm, head laying on the flesh of your shoulder. With big eyes mirroring Sirius’s, he peers up at his brother. “Heard mama shouting at him. He breaked something, I think.” Regulus explains shyly. “Mh. Your mother isn’t kind to Sirius. She isn’t kind to you either.” You say, more to yourself than him. He still nods in agreement. You stroke Sirius’s hair as he shifts in his sleep. “I’ll get you both out one day. And… and me and Sirius can get married. And you can be the best man-“ you describe your fantasy to the small boy, who has a wonderful smile creasing his little face, eagerly listening to each and every detail of the life he hoped to one day live.

~~~

You were now both in hogwarts. Over the years, Sirius had become rebellious, learning to fight back to his mother, but this always resulted in the crucio curse, which resulted in him collapsing in your arms. You were, admittedly, all he had. You and his little brother, who he’d noticed following the path of his parents. He hated the fact that regulus was so obedient to their inane beliefs. He hated it. It was only you who could calm his rushing mind.

It took only one night for everything to change. You weren’t over at his house, so he was alone, and he had a particularly bad row with his mother. After using the crucio curse on the boy until his thin limbs were tangled and trembling on the ground, his jet black curls tangled and his bitten-raw lip quaking like a child’s. While he was in this state, his mother mocked him. All he wanted was to be in the safety of your arms right now. He knew that although you came from a pure-blood family, you were not evil. You were good. You were like him, but braver. Kinder.

That night, Sirius knew he couldn’t live in this house anymore. He packed a bag full of clothes, essentials, and was unable to resist taking Regulus’s old teddy bear, an old shirt of yours and a necklace that was matching with you. He tied up his dark hair and slipped on his leather jacket. He’d grown out his hair because his parents didn’t approve of it: he wore the jacket simply because his parents didn’t like the 70s-rocker look. He’d do anything to escape those sleek black suits, hair styled tidily, silver and jewels everywhere he looked. In this house, he was nothing but a decoration, so he vowed to make his appearance undesirable to his parents. But, you always thought it suited him. While he crept silently down the corridor, boots hardly making a sound on the fancy patterned carpet, he heard a creak. His heart stopped. Fuck, he thought. Its mum. I’m never getting out. Oh, god, I’m never getting out.

“Siri?”

A small voice asked. It was Regulus. Sirius spun around where he stood to see an unruly mop of black curls matching his, framing a pale, soft face that didn’t at all suit the bitter yet elegant brutality of his family. “Reg.” was all Sirius could squeak.

“…you’re leaving aren’t you?”

“…yeah.”

“Oh.”

Regulus looked at his feet. He looked back up at his older brother.

“I’ll be by myself, Sirius.”

Sirius’s jaw clenched. He fought back the tears.

“I’m sorry, Reggie. I love you.”

Regulus’s daintily perfect face crumpled. “You can’t go, Siri, I don’t-.” He swallowed. “I don’t want to be alone. Not with them.” Sirius opened his arms. His little brother crashed into them like he’d disappear if he wasn’t fast. “I’m sorry, reg. I love you, but I can’t stay.” He murmured. Regulus was now sobbing into his shoulder. Sirius felt like the worst person on earth. He needed to get to James’s house before his mother woke up. “Regulus, I have to go.” He told him, petting the back of his head. Regulus suddenly pushed his brother back. Sirius recognised this; the anger that reg was displaying. When he was the same age, when he felt vulnerable, he disguised it with anger. He still did. “F-fine. Go. I don’t need you.” Regulus spat, his glistening silver eyes betraying him. “You’re… you’re really… really mean, Sirius, you know that?” He tried to hiss, but it turned out as a cracked whimper. Sirius felt his heart shatter in his chest. Stinging tears dripped down his cheeks.

“I love you, Regulus.”

“…”

Regulus walked to his room.

~~~

Sixth year.

Sirius had decided that he couldn’t hurt you anymore. With him leaving home, being a blood traitor, he knew he’d only cause you trouble. He couldn’t bare the thought of it. Little did he know he’d be doing just that.

When break had ended, you’d gone to greet your best friend. “Sirius! I’m sorry I didn’t see you much over the holiday, god, how’s regulus? Are you-“ your shoulders clashed together as he continued walking. much to your confusion, he walked straight past you with the icy glare of his father. “…Sirius?” You tried again, catching up with him and grabbing onto his shoulder. The physical contact from the person he loved most hurt like the touch of searing iron, and he flinched away. “Fuck off! Can’t you just.. just fucking go away?” He growled. His silver eyes were a stormy grey, he hated himself more as he watched your face fall. “What..?” You breathed, looking so heartbroken. He hated himself for making you hurt as well as his little brother.

He hated himself, he hated himself, he hated himself.

Trying to soothe the ache in his chest, he rushed past you. He left you standing in the ruins of what he had torn down.

From then on, everything changed.

~~~

Sirius Black was not your best friend anymore. He was cold and unresponsive, shooting you murderous glares whenever you saw him. He’d make offensive comments at you when he came close enough to communicate with you, and it confused you immensely. What happened to the boy who came to you for comfort? Who cried in your arms and begged you to keep him safe and warm? What happened to your boy? Your best friend? Only god knows.

You didn’t even know Sirius had run away until your parents informed you that you couldn’t go around to the Black’s house anymore. This had sparked a heated argument. “What? He ran away? He didn’t tell me!” You’d exclaimed. “Yes. To the Potter’s house, we hear. Walburga has burned his picture off of the tapestry, and-“

“Wait, what? I can’t go round anymore? What about Regulus?”

“No. Walburga doesn’t allow guests to see her children anymore.”

“What? No, no, no, I need to see Reg. come on, Dad, he needs me!”

Long story short, your argument was to no avail. You couldn’t see Regulus. You couldn’t protect him from his parent’s wrath like you had his brother. Alike Sirius, you spent some of your nights lying awake thinking about Regulus, alone and cold in that hellish house, and most of your night thinking about Sirius, and what you did to make him despise you so.

Soon enough, You and Regulus had fixed your relationship, and many nights you’d find yourself singing the youngest Black brother to sleep. You could comfort him from within the walls of hogwarts where his mother couldn’t hurt him. Even when Sirius hated you, you cared for his brother like he was your own.

~~~

At first, you’d tried to coax Sirius into talking to you. You’d stood with tight lips while he insulted you, and listened to his hateful, meaningless rants. You noticed how his friends, James, Peter and Remus, stopped egging him on when it came to you, and started nudging him or trying to distract him, as if he’d say something he’d regret. But you’d come to think that Sirius black was remorseless.

You weren’t sure why he’d switched up on you, become so mean. You did, however, decide that you would be just as harsh right back to him. You knew you could never bring yourself to hate him. He owned your heart, whether you liked it or not. You learned to hate that you couldn’t help that.

It had soon been a year. One torturous year of finding your spells book torn to shreds, looking at dark eyes that you once knew so well only to see an unrecognisable boy. The smirk that once brought warmth to your chest now opened a bottomless pit in your stomach. With each day, you ached more and more. So did he. Sirius loathed himself indescribably. He knew that if he told you, even after the torture he’d subjected you to, you’d kiss his forehead like old times and tell him it was okay. Tell him that he was good, and he’d never be like his parents, and that you were there for him. You were an amazing person, and he was horrible. But he couldn’t drop his facade now.

You were just trying to study when a voice you’d come to find agitating and grating permeated the silence of the library. “Ooh, little blood supremacist… what you studying? Dare I say dark magic?” Rolling your eyes, you slammed the textbook shut. “shut up, Black. You came from quite the same roots.” “Maybe: but I was brave enough to get out. I was good enough to get out.” He retorted with a grimace. Looking up to meet his cold gaze, you noted that his creased white shirt was unbuttoned, his crimson and gold tie hanging loose over his shoulders, only curls pinned up carelessly with his wand. A dangerous hairstyle, for sure.

“Would you give it a break? I was the reason you didn’t go crazy in that house.”

“I did go crazy in that house.”

“Yeah, I can fucking tell.” You said with a scoff. He pulled away your notebook. “So, have you got the dark mark yet? Godric knows you’ll be ecstatic-“ “why are you such a dick, Sirius?!” You yell hoarsely, jumping to your feet. His eyebrows furrowed at your outburst. Slightly, his eyes softened at the sight of your glassy ones, brimming with unshed tears. He said nothing, lips parted. “You’re.. you’re a fucking prick. I never did anything to you.” Turning away to hide your face which had turned pink as it did when you were about to cry, You started upstairs to your dormitory.

~~~

knock, knock, knock.

Someone rapped on your dorm’s door.

Knock, knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock.

Someone was incredibly impatient. You used the palm of your hand to dry your eyes slightly and sniffled. “What? Who is it?” You croaked. A voice answered, “please can I come in?” You frowned. This time, it was a voice you knew. You recognised it, broken and weak, pained, yet honey-smooth all the same. That was your Sirius. Your heart hurt again knowing you’d never have him back, not fully. You fully believed this was another of his cruel pranks.

“Come in.” You mumbled.

As Sirius muttered your name, you felt you were transported back to your childhood. When you’d play and read together. Laugh and smile. “What do you want, Black.” When you said that, his lip twitched, face scrunching slightly. He looked as if the words physically pained him. With that expression painted on his face, he looked just like he did as a child. Except now, his hair was longer, his face more angular, more beautiful. “Don’t call me that. Please.” He begged, voice cracking with emotion. You looked up at him with a waning expression of anger. “Why not? You have been awful to me, I will call you what I choose.” You say. He whimpers pitifully.

He shuts the door behind him. You hear him mumble something. “What did you say, Black?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Your body is tense. Everything is silent. You have one question.

“Why were you so angry with me when you left?”

He hesitated, before answering as raw and truthful as he can. “Because I was stupid. I knew nothing but that I loved you. And I hated myself, and I couldn’t hurt you any further.”

“What? Hurt me? Hurt me how?”

“I burdened you all those years, with my weeping and pathetic pleas for comfort after my mother hurt me. When I could only feel safe shrouded in your warmth. I needed you. And I need you now. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.”

Nothing felt real. You reached a hand out, and Sirius lowered himself so that his cheek rested in your palm. It was cold.

“You’re cold.” You stated blankly.

“I’m fine.” He protested.

You pulled him into your bed. Seconds later, you stretched out your arms. With a sob of relief, Sirius fell into your embrace. He cried silently into your neck for a while, reminiscent of the time you helped him as a kid, except this time you were both much bigger. You pet his hair affectionately, a tear sliding from your eye. “I missed you so much. I’m so, so in love with you. You don’t even need to love me back. I just… need this.” He said, voice muffled as he presses his face into your shoulder.

“…I never stopped loving you.” You admit, pulling him in closer.

~~~

You both spoke through the night, smiling and laughing and talking, telling secrets and jokes and all of the inbetween. He was so beautiful in the dim light of the lamp in your dorm. He was so beautiful anywhere. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, sounding lovesick and dazed. You laughed softly. “You don’t even know how beautiful you are. But that doesn’t matter to me.” You kiss his forehead, before pulling back and looking deep into his eyes. “You are good.” He practically melts into you.

Sirius falls asleep safe in the crook of your arm, and you fall asleep with one arm under him and the other around his waist, with the peace of mind that you can protect him always, now. Your boy. Your Siri.

You looked down at him, running your fingers through the roots of his hair. He moans lowly in satisfaction, practically purring as he presses himself against you. “Now we can get married: with Reggie as the best man, just like we dreamed. With a pretty house and a four-poster bed.” You said, a sweet, hopeful smile gracing your lips.

“Mmmh.” Sirius groaned sleepily. “As long as we can christen that bed.” He added, eyes still closed, with that stupid Sirius Black smirk on his face. You scoff, hugging him closer, before falling asleep yourself.

~~~

(Please don’t copy or share any of my writing anywhere else!!)

[chryblossomjjk]

the weekend | jjk (teaser)

→pairing: dilf!jk x babysitter reader

→rating/genre: m/18+ | fwb?, angst, full fic will include smut

→word count: 618

→warnings: suggestive (as in building up to smut), some dirty talk, hair pulling, neck smoochies, lil lingerie moment, slightly dangerous moment in a car?, implied infidelity, smol appearance from bby yul (holds up ‘aww’ cue card)

→summary: Every weekend, you give Jungkook a little taste of something he’s missing Monday through Friday.

→notes: um long time no see i haven't posted any writing in a while so im v excited and nervy atm! had this teaser planned for a hot minute so yeah v excited to see your reactions! i don't have a set date when this will come out but hopefully soon. as for now, you can check out my masterlist if u wanna wink wink. also this fic will be v angsty so pls if thats not ur thing, skip this. ok love u bye !! feedback is appreciated v much uwu. also this is not beta’d obvi so if there’s any typos or goofiness rip im sorry :’(

“Well, there’s still time.” You point to the clock on his touchscreen stereo; 11:12 p.m. You throw your hair over your shoulder before slowly undoing the top two buttons of your shirt, revealing the skimpy black lingerie set you bought just for tonight. Just for him. “We can celebrate…”

“Yeah?” His cheek bubbles, teasing tongue poking at the inside of his mouth, eyebrow jumping at your suggestion. “How so?”

You bite your lip, contemplating your next move. Hastily, you unbuckle your seatbelt and lean over the center console. It’s reckless, but so was being with a man like Jungkook. You’re incapable of rational thought when you finally get to have him the way you want. One night of him isn’t enough. What kind of tease is that? You need at least six more to be satisfied.

“__,” he warns, arching his head away from your sneaky lips.  “Put your seatbelt on. Wait until we get to the hotel.”

“Where’s the fun in that, though?” You pout, cupping his cheek and batting your eyelashes innocently. Jungkook doesn’t take the bait, giving the desolate road ahead his unwavering attention. Despite his nonchalant demeanor, you can tell you’re getting to him. Below you, his slacks tighten around his thick, tensed thighs. He’s playing right into your hands. Needily, you tongue the little silver hoops dangling from his ear. 

“If I have to pull over, you’re in trouble.”

“Maybe I-”

A hushed ‘fuck’ cuts you off as the car comes to a screeching halt. Jungkook slams on the brakes, coming too close to the slower vehicle in front of you for comfort. Luckily, his dad reflexes kick in, strong hand gripping your waist tightly, preventing you from barreling forward. You brace yourself by clutching his shoulders, and when the adrenaline rush fades, you finally look at him. His nostrils are flared and his jaw is clenched painfully tight.

He’s pissed. 

You know you should apologize, or be shaken up at the very least, but the blinking of his turn signal as he pulls to the side of the dark highway has your mouth watering. This is just what you wanted. 

Jungkook sighs in frustration, tilting his head back against the headrest. The movement is counterintuitive, exposing the inked canvas of his neck that you’re desperate to paint red and purple. You go in for a bite.

A hand fists your tangled hair, pulling you off with a harsh yank before you have the chance to sink your teeth into his skin. The silver ring on his finger digs into your scalp like a knife. “Do not fucking mark me.”

The feeling of the frigid metal is agonizing. Not physically, his grip loosens immediately after the initial tug, but emotionally. You know why he doesn’t want you to mark him. Any evidence of you, other than your weekly babysitting duties, would unravel his entire life. Jungkook is an intelligent man. You don’t have to tell him that it’s all a facade, and everything’s already been undone. 

“I’m sorry.” Your voice comes out frail and shaky. “I just want you.”

And like some cruel joke, his phone rings. 

The contact image would normally make you swoon. It’s a picture of him and his daughter from her first birthday party; her sticky, strawberry ice cream covered, hands holding his cheeks as he stares at her with scrunched eyes and a big smile. You think that picture is the only time you’ve ever seen him genuinely happy.

The bold, white font at the top of the screen, though, makes you sick to your stomach. 

‘Wife.’

Jungkook releases your hair and places a finger over his mouth, signaling for you to shut up, before answering. 

“Yes, Seulgi?”

© chryblossomjjk 2023 [do not copy, translate or repost]

[bearw-me]

Post-extermination!Lute x fem reader? Where lute is trying to show that she's still good/strong enough for reader and she can still be independent. Along with reader comforting Lute about how she's still perfect for her. (Details and examples below bc i enjoy rambling sorry)

I imagine that after loosing her arm lute would be very showy about overcompensating for it. And that if reader even tried to treat her bit differently, like being more SLIGHTLY gentle/careful with her, lute would get offended tell her to knock it off.

Lute's a strong woman, pre-extermination her carried reader alllll the time. Post-extermination Lute would most certainly still try too (and surprisingly succeeds somehow) despite the reader's worries of being dropped or being too heavy for 1 arm.

This ranges from trying to hold all the groceries alone to trying to prove she's still good in the bedroom by not allowing the reader to help (like she'd literally tell reader to let her do it alone)

I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

dont apologize for requesting! i adore long requests! they have all the little details for the prompt included that make the story just- *chefs kiss*

𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 — 𝐋𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𐐒 includes : post-extermination!lute x fem!reader 𐐒 cw : fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, mention of blood/stitches/wounds 𐐒 summary : lute's adjusting to life after extermination day, and as her girlfriend, you hope to make it easier on her 𐐒 note : i don't even know what to call my rambling anymore lol, love it

like we all saw at the end of the season, lute is full or rage- and a little hurt

the loss of her arm, initially, didn't hurt as much as losing her best friend

it takes longer for her to heal and accept the sudden turn of events

she doesn't want it to stop her or hold her back, especially from her relationship with you (especially with the loss of adam) she'd want to hold on tight to you

(like in the ask) Lute isn't one to just be beaten down by this, its a challenge she's going to fking overcome-by herself

likes to do things for YOU instead of the other way around, like if you want a snack or something she won't even let you stand up (let alone THINK) about grabbing it yourself

definitely wouldn't tell you about how she feels unless its too much, but you can see it in her; the way she's sluggish or looking down more often.

(although im not sure atm) I assume Lute is right-handed; without the left, things can get a bit trivial at times

like when you watch her try to balance her long spear with one arm, the weight of the steel trembling between her fingers. the muscles in her arms not used to carrying the entire weight by itself

Lute carrying you with one arm: she tries like how she used to, by putting an arm under your arms to support your back-but stops when she realizes she cant pick you up bridal style

I think she could manage holding you that way, around your back if you also hold onto her by wrapping your arms around her shoulders

(on this note) you being so close to her face is the perfect opportunity for her to kiss you

Hugging her from the back is not happening- her wings and all. . .

If you tried to help her take care of her arm too; bandaging it or cleaning it; she'd refuse all help and lock herself in the bathroom until she's handled it herself

(you can hear a ton of mumbled swearing and things knocking around)

its not a you thing, its a her thing; she needs to prove to herself that she can do it

Lute would hate all the flowers the other exterminators would get her; to the point she wouldn't even acknowledge the roses you placed on her nightstand

she's too stubborn to ever say it, but she's thankful you're still with her: Lute giving you soft kisses when she thinks your asleep, whispering all the 'thank you's' she doesn't think she could ever say to you awake

The loss of her arm pushes her to work harder, especially on the arm she still has in order to compensate for what happened

Technically, the hell-spawn didn't take her arm, but they still took a lot from her- she doesn't want that to mean they could take you from her too

You bet your ass the day will come where she picks up that spear again, better than fucking ever

[stayevildarling]

not sure if you take requests atm… but if you do, could i request an angst, mina x cordelia x billie x reader fic where reader is struggling with like depression and/or sh, but tries to hide it from her girlfriends. i know you’ve written a few stories just like this one, so please feel free to add anything or twist the story however you’d like. idk im just thinking some kind of argument but a fliff ending

thank you! have a good day

Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Confessions in the dark

A/N: honestly I considered making this even longer but I have no idea whether people enjoy reading very long fics anymore. But I can easily make a part two with this as I don't believe it would end there and like this because let's face it- life isn't all sunshine and rainbows 🤷‍♀️

word count: 7k

tw: mention of depression (very mild), mention of self harm (mild), mention of troubled eating (very mild), mention of being sick, cursing, smoking

taglist: @lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahs , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

As the day slowly winds down at the academy, the atmosphere shifting from a busy morning filled with classes, errands and working, to a cozy and relaxed one. Wilhemina had been working, Billie as well but having a more quiet day, only some meetings on her usual busy agenda. You had spent your day moping mostly, trying to focus on teaching your classes and helping out your students, eventually collapsing on your bed as the responsibilities tired you out, causing you to retreat to the comfort of a nap, sleep drawing out all the thoughts that had been lingering on your mind lately, shushing the battles you had been fighting in silence for the last few weeks.

When you eventually awaken, your usual darkness surrounds you and clouds your thoughts but as you almost lazily scroll through the academy, you find her. Medium to your heart. Billie arrived home earlier than usual, her presence bringing a sense of warmth and comfort to the spacious living room. She settles onto the plush sofa, kicking off her heels and letting out a contented sigh as she sinks into the cushions. Not expecting either of her girlfriends to have finished with their days yet, she is surprised to find you lingering by the doorway, chuckling seeing you so comfortable in an oversized hoodie and looking adorable as ever.

You join her, snuggling up beside her on the sofa, grateful for the chance to unwind together after a long day. The two of you share easy conversation, laughing and joking as you catch up on each other's day. Billie's presence is like a soothing balm, and you find yourself relaxing in her company, feeling safe and cherished.

,,How has your day been babydoll?'' she asks as she presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, her nails comfortable settling on your back, creeping underneath your hoodie and scratching over the skin ever so gently in a soothing way, the way you loved it most.

,,It's been fine, how about yours?'' you muster up your best smile, trying to avert her eyes as you knew she could see right through you. As she begins to share some details about her day, her manicure appointment and some meetings today, you notice Wilhemina lingering in the hallway, having returned from work a few moments before. She moves gently around the room, with a sense of quiet grace, her presence adding an air of sophistication to the space. She joins you both after a little while, giving you both a gentle smile before settling in her armchair besides you and listening to Billie talk about her day, the redhead usually enjoying some quiet rather than sharing details about her day, very much like you but at the same time very much unlike your other two girlfriends.

Cordelia on the other hand, has been out running errands, her day filled with tasks and responsibilities. At first the was doing some work in her office, going over some council things, replying to some emails, checking for any new applications. Briefly, she made an appearance in one of the classes run by you and Zoe, smiling contently as she noticed everything was running smoothly. After lunch, she decided to head out, doing some errands, including shopping and also visiting the doctors office to pick up Wilhemina's medications and prescriptions. Usually the redhead did these things herself but she had asked Cordelia as she knew the supreme needed to head out today and Wilhemina couldn't make it in time. During her visit and conversation with the receptionist, knowing the four of you and especially the supreme quite well by now, she however, received some unexpected news.

And as she finally returns home, her mind racing with worry and concern, the tension is very noticeable as she enters the living room, taking a deep breath, as her eyes lock with your own. Almost ignoring Wilhemina's and Billie's presence as the medium stopped talking when noticing the supreme's presence and greeting her with some warm words. All three of you notice, the tension and the concern written across the blonde's features and so Wilhemina is the first one to take over, sensing yours and Billie's hesitation and the flick of fear in your eyes.

,,Honey, what is it?'' she asks gently, trying to make eye contact with the supreme. And despite the flicker in the blondes eyes, acknowledging the redheads statement, her eyes can't help but leave yours.

,,I stopped by the doctors office today to pick up some of Wilhemina's medication'' she begins and instantly you shiver in Billie's arms, the blonde noticing the shift from you comfortable and safe in her arms to being able the feel the tension so clearly.

Wilhemina's eyebrows furrow in confusion, not understanding what any of that has to do with you, before her eyes travel towards you and noticing your state.

Cordelia takes a moment to gather her thoughts, her mind racing with how to broach the sensitive topic, doubting whether she should have talked to you alone, however her worry not being able to delay this conversation any further. ,,Sweetie'' she addresses you directly, her tone gentle yet a little firm. ,,Why haven't you been picking up your medication for quite some time now?''

The room falls silent as Cordelia's words hang in the air, the question not being answered, as all you can do in response being shivering in Billie's arms. The medium's brows furrow with concern, as her hands try to keep you calm, trying to reassure you as she is sure there is an explanation for this, despite the flicker of guilt in her brown orbs. Wilhemina's expression remains neutral, though her eyes betray a hint of worry. All eyes are on you now, awaiting your response and what they are sure may just be a simply misunderstanding.

As Cordelia's words sink in, you feel a knot form in your stomach, your thoughts racing as you realise they had caught on. The weight of their gazes on you, Billie's hands on you, hit you like a ton of bricks. You guessed they would eventually catch on, despite your best efforts at hiding your emotions and state, however you didn't expect it to be today of all days, now, in-front of the other two as well.

Billie's hands travel towards your cheeks, trying to give you some comfort as she meets your eyes, noticing how your chin begins wobbling, tears lingering in your eyes, the tension in the room growing with each second. ,,Babydoll, is everything okay?'' she asks softly, the concern evident in her voice and features.

Wilhemina watches you intently, her expression unreadable as she waits for your response. Though she remains silent, her gaze holds a silent plea for you to open up, despite knowing you are very much like the slightly older woman, having a hard to time lay your feelings out like that. Her eyes eventually find Cordelia's, both questioning her choice of bringing it up like that, at the same time giving her an understanding nod, sharing the blonde's concern over you.

And as time flees on, the seconds slowly turning into minutes, you try and think of something. You could easily lie, making up some sort of excuse for not having been able to pick it up, or even blame it on the doctors office, making some kind of mistake. You despised it, lying to them, but you couldn't share how truly bad you had been feeling. For a moment it does cross your mind, whether to be honest, tell them about the battles you had been fighting, how you had really been struggling with sleeping, eating, often making excuses and how an all too familiar friend, the blade, had come to greet you again some time ago.

And then the room begins spinning a little, the lack of food mixed with your anxiety slowly bubbling inside you, threatening to spill out any moment and cause for panic to win over. Billie's hands still linger on you, but you can't feel them, their gazes blurring together as one, mixing in with the walls and furniture, the orange and yellow from the sun setting in the background. And then your ears begin ringing a little, fading out the sounds of Cordelia's words, begging you to fill them in on what's been going on. But somehow, Wilhemina notices, how your eyes are fixed on a point somewhere, staring into nothingness, how your hands are shaking, your legs bouncing up underneath the blanket ever so slightly, how your face turned noticeably pale.

,,Y/N, I need you to talk to us'' Cordelia begins again, ignoring your state as her thoughts of concern and worry win over.

,,Cordelia-'' Wilhemina begins, slowly drawing her eyes away from you and towards the redhead. And when the blonde notices the expression on her girlfriends face, she instantly stops, her mouth closing as she stops the words that were about to follow. Wilhemina's eyes plead with her to stop, to notice your struggling state and to focus on helping you rather than interrogating you right now.

Cordelia fights back some tears, internally scolding herself for pushing you and not noticing she was pushing too much, not noticing your vulnerable state, still sitting in Billie's arms. And then, they just let you sit in silence, waiting for this little storm to pass as your breaths become a little more erratic, your chest rising and falling quickly. Wilhemina composes herself, reaching for your hand, as Billie lets go of them. And when you feel a slightly firmer grip on your hand, your eyes snap open, her brown eyes drawing you towards her.

And as you look up at her, meeting her brown steady and safe eyes, the little reassuring smile and feeling her thumb rub little circles on your hand, your breathing finally returns to normal, the colour slowly finding it's way to your features again. And just like that, her safety guides you back to reality, your vision much less blurry, the panic slowly subsiding. She simply gives you a proud little smile as you return the favour by mouthing the words ,,Thank you''. And then the room is quiet again, Billie glancing at Cordelia, who still stands in the room, almost frozen, watching the exchange between you and the redhead.

,,Are you tired little one?'' your girlfriends asks, noticing how you are trying very hard to blink the sleep away. Glancing at your other two girlfriends, you simply nod, feeling a little shy and embarassed, also guilty for never answering their questions. ,,Let's get you upstairs, shall we?'' she asks before balancing on her cane and holding out her hand to you. You hesitate then, glancing at Billie who simply forces a smile and nods, allowing you to go and reassuring it's okay to get some rest.

And so you take her hand, not daring to glance at Cordelia, feeling horrible and guilty for ignoring her like this, but at the same time not being able to help it as sleep and a sense of fatigue washes over you, almost drowning you in it. And so carefully, you balance on Wilhemina, quickly up on your shaky legs and following her upstairs. Billie and Cordelia watch as the two of you leave, the only sound to be heard, the sound of Wilhemina's cane as the two of you ascend the stairs and eventually make it into your shared bedroom. Cordelia sighs heavily as soon as she hears the faint sound of the bedroom door opening and closing, almost with a sense of defeat walking over to the sofa where you had sat and sitting down next to Billie, rubbing her temples in annoyance and distress.

,,I'm sure it's nothing, darling'' Billie tries to reassure her, noticing the supremes state, knowing her words wouldn't give much comfort to the blonde, but wanting to try nevertheless. ,,I'm sorry'' Cordelia whispers, the guilt weighing heavily on her mind. ,,I shouldn't have brought it up like that'' she apologies, more to you and herself rather than Billie Dean. ,,I understand love, but you're worried and it's okay'' the medium reassures as she reaches for the supreme's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, her girlfriend simply responding with a sad smile.

Meanwhile, Wilhemina had guided you upstairs, with so much love and gentleness, it almost makes you cry as you sit on the bed where she had sat you down. As the room turns darker and darker by the minute, you watch as she walks over to your wardrobe, carefully opening some draws until she finds your pyjama one and looking for some comfortable ones. Once she is content with her choice, she reaches for a hairbrush and scrunchie before returning to you. Neatly, she places the clothes beside you, before ushering you to turn around. ,,Mina- you don't need to'' you begin to protest but she shushes you quickly with a gentle smile and shaking of her head.

And so you comply, sitting crossed leg and turning around, before you feel her fingertips slowly brush over the top of your head, before leaning her cane on the bed, brushing through your hair gently, removing some knots, before braiding your hair for you. Usually, Cordelia would do these things for you, without ever asking for it, but your Delia loved taking care of you and so there is something so special about this encounter with your Mina that again it almost brings tears to your eyes. Her hands feel so gentle on your scalp that it almost makes you fall asleep, yet the braiding keeps you awake a little as she has to apply a certain amount of pressure to make your hair stay in place. Once she finishes, she reaches for her cane, putting the hairbrush back neatly in place, as you turn around and reach for your pyjamas.

,,Let me help you with those little one'' she tries, but you protest then, reaching for them and heading towards the bathroom. ,,Thank you but I'll do this'' you reassure. And she brushes it off then, knowing if anyone tried to dress her, she would be furious, Mina especially struggling with accepting help, even if it was with you three. And as you stand in the bathroom, smiling at first, noticing how much gentleness and care she had put into the braiding, your smile quickly fades as you noticed what pyjamas she had chosen for you. You didn't mind the trousers, however the matching shirt was unfortunately short sleeved as it was the middle of summer and her choice was more than valid.

However, as you take off your hoodie, the red marks another reminder of your foolishness lately, adding another pang of guilt to your features, almost causing your heart to sink in your chest. ,,Shit'' you think to yourself, knowing Wilhemina was perceptive, maybe not as confronting as Cordelia but after the encounter downstairs, you knew you had to be careful from now on, at least if you want to continue the hiding and keep the perfect facade up. And so you opt for the only thing you can think of, putting on the shirt but quickly putting back on your hoodie, easily being able to explain that, simply saying you are cold. And after quickly brushing your teeth, you find yourself back in the bedroom, Wilhemina waiting patiently for you, as she sits on the bed, smiling seeing her little one so comfortable and adorable.

A little unsure what to do next, you simply abandon your clothes in a nearby washing basket, before walking over to your side of the bed, crawling underneath the covers, before Wilhemina gently tucks you in, sitting beside you. ,,Are you cold, little one?'' she questions, noticing how you are still wearing your hoodie. In response, you simply nod, not wanting the subject to be adressed further and despite her being able to tell, she simply tucks you in a little more. Yawning, you glance at her before mumbling ,,You can go back down... mm.. tired'' and she smiles then, loving to see you so sleepy and adorable. ,,It's okay little one'' , she whispers before watching your chest slowly rise and fall, much more comfortable than before as sleep slowly greets you, her hand rubbing little circles on your forehead, lulling you into a soft slumber.

After a while, the redhead carefully gets up, walking towards the door but making sure you are still asleep. And when she leaves, walking down the stairs, she can hear both Billie and Cordelia in the kitchen. Her mouth watering a little as she smells the supreme's cooking, hungry and tired from her busy day, the concern about you still lingering on her mind. She finds Cordelia walking back and forth from the kitchen island to the fridge, gathering ingredients for a quick meal, while Billie is leaning against a counter, nervously fidgeting with her nails. And as the redhead finally joins them, she can't help but notice the guilty expression on the mediums face and how it had been there already when the four of you were in the living room.

,,Is she okay?'' Cordelia asks, noticing Wilhemina's return, her eyes locking with the redheads. ,,Yes, she's asleep'' she states, her eyes wandering towards Billie again.

,,What's wrong with you Howard?'' she questions, noticing the blondes unusual fidgeting and nervousness.

,,Have you also forgotten your medication or do you just need a cigarette?'' she almost mocks, Cordelia giving her a disapproving glance, before Billie chuckles nervously and reaches for a cigarette and lighter out of her handbag, before disappearing to the garden. The other two watching from the kitchen window ,,Something is up'' Cordelia remarks before adding the last ingredients to a pan while Wilhemina nods in agreement, before reaching for some plates and cutlery and placing it on the kitchen table, opting for three, unsure whether you would wake up any time soon.

And while Billie smokes her nervousness away, she can't help but think back to an encounter with you a while ago. How she had assumed that the other two already knew by now but given their lingering concern and Cordelia's discovery today, she worries whether she should have said anything, should have shared what she saw. And despite taking a deep breath, as soon as she returns and takes a seat, she can't help the shaking of her hands or averting their gazes.

While Cordelia serves the food, almost absentmindedly, her thoughts still with you, Wilhemina can't help but feel annoyance towards the mediums behaviour, never usually seeing her high energy girlfriend like this. ,,What is it Billie?'' she asks again, her tone mirroring her annoyance, Cordelia not paying much attention as she sits down and begins taking some bites of the food. ,,It's nothing'' Billie reassures, shakily reaching for her fork and forcing down some food. But Wilhemina couldn't just brush it off, knowing there was something wrong by the way Billie's behaviour shifted as soon as Cordelia filled them in on her discovery and how that same guilty expression had been on the mediums face ever since.

,,Why do you look like you just broke one of your newly manicured nails then?'' Wilhemina jokes, trying to lift the mood a little and hoping the medium might share then. And when Billie stays silent then, dropping her fork and not responding with her usual sarcasm, Cordelia picks it up, her attention now on Billie, equally abandoning her food as she notices the mediums unusual behaviour.

,,Billie darling, what's wrong?'' Cordelia questions, reaching for the mediums hand and placing her warm steady hand on her shaky one.

,,So you don't know then?'' Billie questions, her eyes locking with Cordelia's.

,,Know what honey?'' the supreme asks dumbfounded before Wilhemina joins in.

,,You knew about the medication?'' she questions, almost a little sternly but Billie is quick to shake her head.

,,No, I had no idea about that'' she confesses, only adding to the confusion on her lovers features.

,,What is it then?'' Cordelia asks, anxiously, not understanding what Billie was implying.

And when an uncomfortable silence falls over the quiet kitchen, Cordelia's and Wilhemina's concern grows with each second passing, never knowing Billie to be so quiet, to not share with them. And while the blonde thinks back to her discovery a while ago, she is hurting inside, her heart beating angrily with guilt. It was a quiet day, just you and Billie as the other two worked late, the two of you carelessly strolling through the gardens, Billie clumsily dropping the cigarette she was about to light, when you picked it up for her. A split second of carelessness, you bending down and your sleeve lifting up ever so slightly. But the split second was enough to see the fresh cuts and her mouth opened after taking the cigarette you held to her but then some girls joined you two and she couldn't say anything. And since then she had thought about bringing it up everyday with you, however she never had the chance as the two of you barely got any time with just you two. In fact, she had thought about bringing it up tonight, as the two of you sat so comfortably on the sofa, knowing about your past struggles with mental health and you taking the medication, but then Wilhemina joined and she couldn't ask about it then. She had hoped silently, that the other two already knew, Wilhemina ever perceptive and Cordelia just Cordelia and always knowing and in control of things. However the evening made her realise they had no idea, that she was the only one who had seen you struggling and the thought of not helping sooner killed her, causing for her to sit in silence, Wilhemina's impatience growing by the minute.

,,Spit it out Howard'' Wilhemina tries, pulling the medium away from her thoughts and flashbacks but she remains quiet, growing a little pale.

,,Have you forgotten English?'' Wilhemina pushes, her own anxiety betraying her.

,,I just assumed you knew being the supreme and all and you.. you wear glasses'' Billie finally speaks, pointing at Wilhemina, unsure how to ever say the words lingering on her mind.

,,What do you mean darling?'' Cordelia tries gently, her eyebrows knitting in confusion, not understanding what Billie was implying.

,,You know...'' Billie tries, stopping herself from putting those words in her mouth, the thought too painful.

,,No we don't, what do you mean Billie?'' Wilhemina tries again, softer this time, noticing how much her girlfriend is struggling with this.

And then after taking a deep breath, she finally fills them in ,,Harming herself'' is all she says, Cordelia instantly knowing what Billie means, her eyes closing as the pain of Billie's words sink in, remembering your struggles in the past and the faded scars on your wrist, despite them being barely visible when she had last seen your arms anyway.

However, Wilhemina didn't know as much as Cordelia as you never wanted to burden the redhead with your past, her own way too painful for you to ever be selfish enough to burden her with your pathetic attempts to rid you of the pain you endured. ,,What do you mean?'' she asks a little dumbfounded, not understanding how you could be harming yourself. But as she meets Cordelia's form, seeing how quiet she had gotten, how she never questioned it, how she simply sits there with her eyes closed, tears forming in Billie's vision, she knows and the realisation almost kills her, much more painful than the pain her body gave her on a daily basis due to her scoliosis.

,,Why on earth didn't you say anything?'' Wilhemina argues, now dropping her fork in annoyance as it clanks on the plate. Cordelia's eyes snap open, startled at the sudden noise and her girlfriends raised voice. ,,I assumed you both knew, I'm so sorry'' Billie apologises, the guilt gnawing at her insides. ,,Why would she do this to herself? I don't understand- Cordelia?'' Wilhemina tries reasoning with the blonde, hoping she could make this any less painful.

But Cordelia doesn't say anything, as a wave of concern and anger washes over her, concern for you and also anger at herself of how she didn't pick this up, only now realising how she hand't seen you in short sleeves in ages, how you had often not been in bed at night when she sometimes woke up, how you had often made excuses about meals. How she hadn't really seen you all that much, thinking about it now and how you had seemed so tired and sad and how she never picked it up until now, as if Billie's words only now wake her up and make her see. And so with one swift motion, she almost jumps out of her chair, startling the other two in the process before she sprints upstairs, Billie and Wilhemina looking at each other with both shocked and concerned expressions, before they are quick on their feet and behind their girlfriend.

,,Cordelia.. Cordelia'' Billie tries but it's hopeless as by the time they are both upstairs, the supreme is already by the bed, tugging at your sleeves. You jump from sleep, confusion washing over you as you try to yank your arms away from your girlfriend. ,,What are you doing?'' you ask confused and angry, just having woken from sleep.

,,Show me'' the supreme demands, her voice firm and lacking her usual gentleness. Billie watches in shock, while Wilhemina is already in the bathroom, searching through absolutely everything, trying to find some evidence, knowing you wouldn't show them, at least not like this.

,,Show you what?'' you ask confused, jumping from the bed and holding onto your sleeves, backing away into a corner as Cordelia continues to take steps towards you, her concern lingering on her features.

The blonde sighs in frustration, seeing you back away like this, before Billie takes over, taking gentle steps towards you, wanting to show you she has no intention of checking, no intention of scaring you further. ,,They know honey'' she whispers, tears lingering in her eyes as the realisation suddenly dawns on you.

Moments later, Wilhemina returns with a little makeup bag and you sigh heavily, knowing what she had just found. She holds the bag in her trembling hands, giving it to Cordelia as they pass each other. Inside the supreme finds a pack of razors, some tissue and wipes, shaking her head in disbelief, not understanding how she could have missed this, fighting back her tears as guilt and concern wash over her. ,,Are there any more?'' Wilhemina questions sternly, searching your face, searching your eyes but you remain silent, shivering as you stand in the corner under their gazes.

,,Y/N'' she tries again, banging her cane once in frustration, causing you to flinch. But this time Billie is quick to interject, positioning herself in front of you and stopping the redhead. ,,Wilhemina- enough'' she scolds, pleading with her to notice your state now.

,,No Billie, you do not get to do this'' Wilhemina argues ,,You knew all along'' she counters, causing the guilt to fill the mediums features again.

And then the room fills with silence, as neither of you can find the right words to say. Billie simply standing frozen, facing Wilhemina, still protecting you by hovering in front of you. The redhead holding onto her cane for dear life, the anger very visible on her features. Cordelia having abandoned the bag by now and sitting on a nearby chair as her legs felt like giving out, sighing in frustration as she watches the confrontation between Billie and Wilhemina unfold.

It doesn't take long before the confrontation triggers your anxiety again, causing you to shiver even more, your stomach twisting and churning before you eventually grow pale. Seconds pass until a small gagging noise escapes you, the panic growing in your eyes before you run towards the bathroom, brushing past your girlfriends. Wilhemina sighs, the guilt of this whole encounter weighing heavily on her, Cordelia and Billie sharing knowing glances and sighing in defeat, knowing they could have prevented all of this, by Billie speaking up sooner and Cordelia not addressing this in the way she had earlier this afternoon.

And as you empty the very small contents of your stomach over the toilet, tears stream down your cheeks, not from this whole encounter but more from being sick. You absolutely hated being sick, and so you can't help the hot tears escaping you. With a few deep breaths it's over and you quickly compose yourself, flushing the toilet, before brushing your teeth, wanting to rid all the evidence of what just happened. And as you stare at your pale complexion in the mirror, your brain races with thoughts, thinking what you could do to make all of this go away, to go back into hiding and them not knowing as this was exactly what you wanted to prevent. And so, the only thing your brain can think of in this moment, is make it all disappear, rid you of the scars and cuts so you could lie, go back into hiding and make this all go away.

You begin by closing your eyes after abandoning the toothbrush, rolling up your sleeves and focusing your magic on your wrists. If you were in a clear state of mind, you would know this could never work, especially not on the healed ones, or to begin with. You knew it needed healing potions and swamp mud to even remotely make it go away but your magic could never make them disappear like that. Still, you pathetically try, growing annoyed at yourself as you open your eyes and they are still there. Eventually stumbling backwards and sliding down the side of the bathtub, trying over and over again to make your magic help you out.

Meanwhile the three of them remain frozen, each of them contemplating whether to go in and help you but they knew you prefered to battle everything in silence, including being sick and they all breathe out in relief once the retching stops and the sound of a toothbrush can be heard. However, Cordelia is quick on her feet when her supreme senses alert her of something else. For some reason, Cordelia could quite literally smell your magic. It always lingered in the air whenever you used magic around her, the smell of strawberries. Ever so slightly and ever so subtle and it doesn't take long for her to connect the dots and figure out what you are trying to do. The other two watch in silence and confusion as she bursts through the door, sinking to her feet as she takes in your shivering form. And despite your best attempts to roll your sleeves back down, she had already caught a glimpse of it, knowing you are trying to make all of this go away.

,,Sweetie'' she tries, holding your hands back ,,No, No, No'' she tries to stop you ,,It doesn't work like that sweetie'' she reminds you, taking your sobbing form into her arms. ,,Shh'' she coos as you finally fall apart in her arms. The blonde is quick to sit on the floor, lean on the bathtub herself before pulling you into her chest, you holding onto her shirt for dear life, for some support to guide you through this storm. Billie and Wilhemina watch the scene unfold in confusion, not understanding what you tried to do in the first place, not being able to do much beside watch and frown, seeing their sunshine in so much pain, all the guilt and anger subsiding from their features slowly.

,,You're okay darling, it's all going to be okay'' Cordelia reassures as she holds you closely, grounding you by guiding you through your breathing, her perfume and smell calming you further as you listen to her steady but slightly quickened heartbeat. And so the two of you sit on the cold bathroom floor, neither of you caring about that as of right now. And after a while, your sobs slowly subside, the only sound to be heard your quiet breathing, as you close your eyes and continue holding onto your darling Cordelia. ,,Come on sweetie, let's get you to bed'' she tries gently but your eyes remain closed. With a worried glance, she looks up at Billie and Wilhemina who remained frozen in the exact spot, the medium quick to support Cordelia by helping her lift you up and gently take you to bed. And as you lay there, you still don't move, simply curled up, with your eyes closed before Billie tucks you in.

,,We need to let her rest'' the medium announces as she glares at the other two, getting ready to head to the bathroom to get ready to join you in bed. Wilhemina and Cordelia simply look at each other, a questioning look on the redheads face. ,,She-'' the blonde begins but quickly gives the redhead a signal to follow her. The two of you stand a little away from you before Cordelia explains ,,She tried to get rid of it with her magic'' and Wilhemina simply nods, understanding now what the supreme had sensed before and with a worried glance taking in your exhausted form.

And as the night wears on, the three of them join you in bed, Billie opting for the space next to you as she snuggles into your side, holding you close as she wraps her arms around you. As if she could make it all go away by holding you closely to her. Wilhemina in her usual spot but not able to sleep a wink, so in the end opting for simply sitting comfortable on the bed, a book in her lap, watching over you, Cordelia and Billie sleeping softly while holding you. And her thoughts can't help but trail off, why you hadn't told them, why you hadn't told her specifically, also about the medication. She worries then, that there was something about her that made you not feel safe, whether she was too strict or intimidating with you at times, despite a little voice reminding her that you hadn't shared with the other two either and that after all she managed to calm you before when panic was rippling through you.

It's about 3am when you wake, the only noises being heard the occasional car outside, the moon illuminating the coven and your bedroom, however another light source coming from another side of the bedroom, assuming it must be Wilhemina's nightlight. And then you hear a quiet noise, the sound of a book page flipping and you can't help but turn, being able to feel both Billie and Cordelia beside you but not your Mina. And as expected, she sits there, reading glasses on her face, her hair down which was a rare occasion, a lilac nightgown keeping her warm and comfortable. And it both made you sad and content, knowing she was awake because of you but also appreciating not being fully alone. You consider turning around again, hoping the soft arms of your girlfriends would coax you back to sleep but also knowing there was no way your racing thoughts would allow that.

And for some reason, the previous evening caused those all too familiar thoughts back, you felt guilty wanting to punish yourself, you felt pain wanting to make it go away, you felt fear hoping the blade could rid you of those. But you know they wouldn't have kept your things anywhere close to you and you also knew with Wilhemina awake she wouldn't let you brush past her, especially not now. And so the only thing you can do is cry, ever so quietly, trying to contain the sobs and simply letting the tears flow. But Wilhemina notices, despite your back faced to her right beside her. Cordelia and Billie beside you on the other side of the bed. She notices how your breathing was a little different and when the first sobs wrecks through you, she is quick to abandon her book on her night table, her hand reaching for your shoulder in an attempt to turn you around.

Shivering into her touch, you pretend you can't feel it, pretend you aren't crying and sobbing but it's useless as her hand taps your shoulder again, begging you to turn around. And when you do, her face crumbles seeing you in so much pain and wanting nothing more than to hold you, to comfort you, to fix all of this, to make her little one happy again. ,,Little one'' she whispers, her face filled with concern. ,,Come here'' she offers, moving her legs a little so you can get comfortable on her lap. You don't even hesitate, moving closer to her, settling on her lap, checking her expression whether it hurt her back. And for a while she holds you, her hand rubbing soothing circles on your back, helping you through each sob, wiping your tears in between with her thumbs, trying to make all of this go away.

It takes a while, but you settle in the end, finding your breathing as the sobs had stopped, as your Mina had wiped most of your tears, only leaving your damp cheeks. ,,Little one?'' she tries, softly, causing you to look up and meet her eyes. ,,Are you alright?'' she asks, unsure what to say at this moment as you really hadn't said all that much to them yet, and it worried her. ,,Hmm'' you simply nod, unsure what to say, your tired eyes locking with her worried ones. Silence follows before you feel her fingertips travel from your back towards your arm, beginning at the top before ghosting over your hoodie and stopping by your wrists. ,,Can I see, little one?'' she tries, her eyes still locked with yours. But you flinch, not really caring about Billie or Cordelia seeing them now but Mina, you simply couldn't.

And so, you shake your head no, feeling terrible as she was so kind, gentle and loving right now but you couldn't, not with her. ,,Why?'' she questions, not sternly or angrily but curiously, wanting to know why you couldn't let her see. ,,I can't Mina, not with you'' you whisper before doubt fills her features. Her earlier concerns and voices returning, telling her you had no trust in her and you can tell, by the way her eyes avert yours and how her expression turns into a pained one. ,,I can't show you because I feel terrible'' you admit, tears lingering in your eyes again. Her eyebrow furrows in confusion, before she looks at you again with a questioning look. ,,Why little one?'' she tries, brushing a strand of hair from your face.

,,Because.. you have to go through so much pain Mina'' you whisper, the truth spilling out of you a little bit. ,,Everyday and I'm so stupid for doing this to myself, I'm sorry'' you confess, biting your lip anxiously as more tears pour from your eyes. Once the realisation hits her, her face scrunches up in pain, all the doubts and self consciousness leaving her, unable to believe that despite all the pain you had been going through, her still your main concern and caring more about her feelings and pain than your own. ,,Little one'' she tries, her eyebrows knitted in concern, her eyes filled with heartache. ,,This is not the same'' she begins ,,You are hurting and that's just as valid my darling'' she reminds you. You falter then, glancing at your wrist as she gently lifts your sleeves, her eyes landing on the healed and cuts from a few days ago.

It brings tears to her eyes but Wilhemina knows how to fight them back, knowing she needed to be there for you now. But she hated it, the thought of you so sad to do this to yourself. ,,I'm sorry that we didn't see this little one, I'm sorry we didn't help'' she apologises, gently pulling your sleeves back down, to make you feel less exposed, internally grateful that you showed her, her heart swelling a little at your honesty with her in this moment. ,,You aren't mad?'' you whisper, a little anxiously but seeing no shame, no disgust in her features. ,,No little one'' she reassures, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. And somehow she makes you feel so safe and loved that you feel confident enough to confide in her in this moment, the truth about the past few months and weeks spilling out of you.

,,I stopped taking my medicine a few months ago'' you admit, meeting her eyes as she listens contently, her expression remaining calm, loving and understanding. ,,I thought that- that maybe I didn't need it anymore'' you admit before adding ,,I don't know what I was thinking'' and Wilhemina understands all too well, herself having tried some experiments with her medication in the past before. ,,And honestly I was better Mina'' you begin nodding your head to make your statement more believable. ,,But the last few weeks have been awful'' you admit to yourself more than herself really. ,,It all came back badly and I didn't know what to do'' you finally admit, all the truth finally out there. And Wilhemina simply looks at you, feeling content after understanding your reasoning, not for a second mad or upset with you as she understood all too well.

,,It's okay, come here'' she coos as she watches your face fall apart again, knowing this must have been a lot to admit to her, and so she simply holds you again, getting you both comfortable as she lays you down and holds you tightly on her chest. ,,It's okay little one, it's all okay now'' she coos. Wilhemina tries her hardest to coax you back to sleep and despite it taking a while for the sobs to stop, your breathing to get slower and sleep to eventually welcome you, she holds you through it all. And once you are finally asleep, she sighs, not in frustration, never in frustration but in pain, wishing she could help fix this, wishing this never happened in the first place.

And when morning arrives, Cordelia wakes first, finding Billie still asleep next to her, however she wasn't holding you anymore and she gets scared then, quickly turning around, only to see you cozily asleep on Wilhemina's chest, the redhead watching over you protectively, getting some sleep but waking as the first cracks of light flooded their bedroom. She exhales, the panic leaving her features, before a soft content smile spreads across her features. ,,You okay honey?'' Cordelia mouths and Wilhemina meets her eyes then, knowing she would have to fill the supreme in on this eventually but for now simply nodding and forcing a smile. Cordelia notices the way your fist was gripping onto Wilhemina's nightgown despite being asleep and how your sleeve was exposed ever so slightly. The blonde isn't sure what to do and so she simply does what her heart tells her to, move a little closer and snuggle up to Wilhemina, one arm protectively around you as she seeks in the warmth of her two lovers.

Eventually, you wake as well, opening your eyes only to feel that you are still in Wilhemina's lap, Cordelia and the redhead smiling at you as they notice you waking. ,,Good morning sweetie'' the blonde greets you with a warm smile, Wilhemina's features matching the supreme's softness. Remembering the previous night, you can't help but wonder what Cordelia already knew, what Wilhemina may have already shared with her and they can tell by your expression before the blonde cups your cheeks, brushing over them softly with her thumbs. ,,Sweetie it's okay, I understand now'' she explains and Wilhemina's face grows a little anxious, hoping you wouldn't be upset with her but your face is filled with relief, grateful that you wouldn't have to tell them again as last night had drained you enough. ,,I'm sorry'' you whisper guiltily, tugging at your sleeves a little nervously. ,,Sweetie'' Cordelia tries softly ,,You have nothing to be sorry for'' she reassures.

Meanwhile, Billie finally wakes, having heard muffled and whispered conversation, only really picking up the last parts of it. ,,Good Morning Howard'' Wilhemina greets her, noticing her rolling over and moving closer to the three of you. ,,Morning'' Billie mumbles, still a little sleepily smiling at seeing you three so closely. ,,Someone going to fill me in?'' she asks as she presses a kiss to your cheek. Glancing up at Cordelia, she gives you a reassuring smile. ,,How about we do that over some breakfast sweetie?'' she asks, as you stare at her a little anxiously but seeing both Wilhemina and her comforting and reassuring glances you can't help but nod, knowing Billie equally deserved to be filled in.

And somehow today felt a little more manageable, knowing todays conversations would be unpleasant and painful but also knowing you wouldn't have to hide it all, being able to just be yourself in front of them again, which you hadn't been in the longest time. And in their embraces all you can feel is safety as of right now, as Billie scoots a little closer, also wanting to feel her little babydoll close.

[tatteredtoby]

so incredibly sleepy. But. Ftm reader (Highschool au) with unsupportive parents x Simon (theater/theatre au as well)

A Panic/Anxiety attack will be described, so will transphobia and very uncomfortable sensations. Self misgendering, as well. (This is targeted towards myself!) If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to click the back button.

Angst that turns into fluff

Agluff!

You had bought a binder without your parent’s permission, and had been keeping it in the dressing room for the show. It was opening night, and you were playing a male character. Nothing could go wrong. You felt the adrenaline pumping, you were shaking out of excitement, then you remembered, your parents would be in the crowd that night.

Your chest starts heaving. Your vision blurs after it darts around. You land on the ground, backing into a set piece and hiding behind it. The happy shaking turns to terror induced shaking.

Your director yells out “5 minutes before show people!” Before noticing you. Oh Ms. Emily. She was so incredibly supportive. She gasps as she notices you, since you startled her with your heavy breathing.

She shuffles out onto stage, taking center and facing the audience.

“We have a small problem backstage. The show will be held back a few minutes, I am very sorry for this inconvenience.”

SMALL????

This was not small. Your world was closing in on you. It felt like Jell-O or Oobleck was being poured over you, or you were being cemented into a wall against your will. The binder only made it worse. It tightened around your armpits and sucked in your chest, which made the caving feeling worse. You fiddled with your costume before throwing off the excess pieces.

You barely notice the tall stature coming into view before you’re pulled out of deep water by two costumed hands.

“Hey, hey, im here, it’s me. It’s Simon. What’s wrong, can you say it or is it too much to talk about?” He gently utters, kneeling closer to you.

You barely babble out, “‘s too much..” Before your vision starts to go in and out. He notices. You’re swaying too much for it to be your normal rocking. He latches his hands onto you and pulls you into his chest, like a life raft after drowning at sea for centuries.

“I’m right here. It’s okay. Your parents won’t even notice. You can tell them that it was a casting issue, and you were just cast because of how they liked your auditions performance, alright?” He whispers, rubbing your back very gently.

“I gotcha. I gotcha.” He mutters, holding you closer to him. It feels like this hold is meant for a wounded dog, not a 17 year old gir-boy.

He cups your face like he would a wounded pigeon. He’s got eyeliner on. Specifically on his waterline. His cheeks are dusted with powdered blush. His arms are covered in black cloth, specifically for his role as a Crow. The entire show was written by you, only taken up by Ms. Emily and practically blocked by you in its entirety. You played Satans Cat. (Two little city animals who are a contrast difference to eachother go on a journey that changed them forever, or smth. Idk. Sleepy.) He wore big wings with straps on his thumbs to keep in place. You wore cat ears and a tail. You felt so good in your costume. You had many costume pieces to hide your chest, and you just looked so boyish all around.

“You alright now?” He asks, tone in his voice evident he’s trying to hide the fact he noticed you glancing for a prolonged period of time.

“Yea. I’ve got some time..I’ll go splash my face with water.”

“You’ll be alright, Felid.”

“That I will be, Corvus.”

————————————————————————————

very sleepy atm. I’m projecting as well. Felid comes ffrom the name for cat in fancy. Look up cat. And for “Corvus” look up Crow. I don’t got time to explain it.

Cramps kicking me in my stomach ballsack. This some bullshit.

[wwandaslover]

New Romantics

previous chapter | next chapter

pairing: taylor swift x fem reader

warnings: angst with comfort

a/n: i’m sorry this chapter is kinda rushed, i’ve just been forgetting to add more chapters and i’ve been really busy lately. also it might be a while before the next chapter comes out because i’m working on some other stuff atm.

waking up next to taylor had become your regular routine, you two had been dating for months now and you were as happy as could be. you two rarely fought, and when you did, it quickly blew over.

you could feel yourself falling more and more in love with her but after the past 3 blissful months of dating, you began feeling a pit in your stomach every time you remembered you two were only together in secret.

anytime you and her were seen out in public you acted like friends because taylor was still not out of the closet, and it was weighing on you heavily. in the past month it had become pretty much all you could think about when you were with taylor, so of course you distanced yourself.

you began staying at your place more often than you’d go to taylor’s, you stopped having doing anything beyond a quick kiss, you didn’t contribute much to conversations, and you mostly just focused on reading and writing.

taylor had noticed your change in behavior instantly but she didn’t want to push you into talking about it out of fear you’d be upset at her.

neither you or taylor brought it up, until one night. you were over at taylor’s for the first time in two weeks, taylor was sitting on the couch in her living room while you were in her kitchen making popcorn for the two of you to share while you watched a movie.

taylor anxiously bit her bottom lip, wanting to break the silence that seemed to last evermore between the two of you. you finished making popcorn and sat down on the couch next to taylor who was fidgeting with her hands.

“what’s wrong taylor?”

your voice was tired and quiet but you still cared and she could tell but it just brought tears to her eyes faster and she buried her face in her hands as she let out a string of broken sobs. you quickly set the popcorn down and wrapped your arm around her, pressing soft kisses to her head.

taylor continued to cry, unable to stop the tears that ran down her cheeks. “taylor, please tell me what’s wrong.” you spoke softly and pleadingly. she hesitantly looked up at you, hot tears still rolling down her cheeks.

she hoarsely whispered to you “do you still love me?” you instantly felt your heart drop, you never thought about how your behavior would affect taylor. you hugged her tightly which she instantly returned and you repeatedly whispered “im so sorry” and “i love you” against the skin of her shoulder.

taylor sniffled and whispered back “it’s okay, baby. i love you too.” after what felt like forever, she pulled away from the hug. “why have you been so distant?” her voice was soft but showed she was very obviously, but reasonably, still upset.

you sighed defeatedly before speaking, “i dont like us being a secret.” she looked down for a moment before returning her gaze to your weary eyes.

“we don’t have to be a secret anymore, i just want to be with you. i dont care if people know.”

you stared at taylor in slight disbelief, you didn’t think it would be that simple. you felt completely stupid for not saying anything until then, and you frustratedly sighed while you began blaming yourself subconsciously.

taylor could tell what you were thinking, so she wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you onto her lap. she kept her arms around your waist while you straddled her, you wrapped your arms around her neck and also buried your face in her neck.

your overthinking slowly came to a halt as taylor gently rubbed your back and whispered sweet phrases to you. you pulled your face out of her neck and kissed her, you two held it for a few seconds before pulling away and smiling.

you and taylor spent the rest of the night cuddling and watching movies together.

the next day you and taylor went out together, you walked down the sidewalk holding hands and talking. multiple paparazzi photographers had spotted the two of you and took pictures of you together.

you and her went to starbucks and got some coffee, sharing a kiss after you had complimented taylor which had multiple photos taken of and then almost all of taylor’s fans were going crazy over it.

it wasn’t as bad as taylor thought it would be, especially since she was just happy she was dating you.

This is discontinued 👎

[cupcakeslushie]

hi lovely how r u?👋🏽

ok so im very new here but i did binge a good chunk of the separated au tag yesterday soooo needless to say it's been on my mind all day (plus that oneshot that someone wrote of donnie's pov and meeting mikey and raph did NOT help) but all this to say..

i don't remember the exact wording so apologies if im mis-paraphrasing but i believe in one post u said that au!donnie is a lot more uhhh "affection seeking" than canon donnie?

do u possibly hav sketches of what that would look like? is he less touch averse than canon donnie or does he just perceive, receive and search for "affection" in a different way? cuz if he is more physically affection i will in fact pass away😭. and as an avid disaster twins enjoying i am more curious in this aspect of him i regards to au!leo specifically🙏 (ig this is just me requesting said sketches if not. BUT OFC U DONT HAV TO IM JUST CURIOUS) anywyas i love ur brain this au is everything🥹🤝🏽

Hello I’m doing very well! 👋🏻

He still very much has canon!Donnie’s texture hangups and he’s often uncomfortable when things get “real”, but here he is very very very affectionate with his family. (I know I’ve said this before, but I don’t 100% buy that canon Donnie is as touch averse as the movie made him, since in the show he initiates hugs and often leans into group hugs. I think he believes he’s got to grumble to keep up his bad boy image, but for the most part he secretly loves getting hugs from his family but that’s just me. I could totally be wrong in that assessment. Anyways! Back to Sep!Donnie)

At first his displays of affection are very much over the top and performative because he doesn’t really know how positive touch works, but this boy craves any kind of hugs, head pats, and turtle piles he can get. Plus, here he has no bad boy image to maintain so he has no problem seeking out any and all forms of affection from his fam.

I’m kind of realizing I’ve sorta swapped him and Leo’s personalities to a degree lol. Sep!Leo is kind of the aloof-thinks-they’re-the-bad-boy, but awkward with displays of affection one, while Sep!Donnie is the one craving validation and attention 🤣

I don’t have any disaster twins sketches atm but I promise you won’t be wanting for that type of scenario very often as I tend to do more fluffy ideas in between the angst of comic updates (Feral Leo AU not withstanding lol 😝) -❤️

[generalsdiary]

you won't get disappointed in kuro games when it comes to their fanservice lol their other game, punishing gray raven is basically like a hack & slash game with a side of dating sim lmao, the pining and yearning and looooots of angst. the plot is good too and very dark.

though the downside is there are few men, they only release one male character a year and im hoping they won't do it to wuwa :")

dear anon you had me in the first half ngl TT

the downside just might be too harsh for me lol. ofc I don't only play for the characters; but to go into more detail, zzz is a good example. zenless zone zero has a rly good world built, and the story telling is v well done, it is just so enjoyable and light and easy and... there wasn't a single new man/masc character on banner since release (until this one with the 4 star Seth Lowell). I honestly had to bench zzz and wuwa (I did jump into wuwa the other day to check up on stuff), cos playing 4 gacha games as a min-maxer isn't something I could afford timewise. for the case of zzz, where the MAJORITY of the game is combat and I basically have low choices with masc characters, it made it less enjoyable for me ngl. I get it, fem characters make them money, and sadly the characters themselves also suffer for it. how many times are they made shallow, without depth or any good characteristics and history, just cos it is enough to slap abnormal bodily autonomy to attract people who only care about the physicality? (I'm talking about gacha games in general, & I'm not saying that this is every fem character).

whereas when it is about masc characters they make more of an effort. (patriarchy keeps hurting the world even when the games have more fem than masc) and when they do make fem characters without the "assets" they make them a foggy age (basically many ppl assume the character is a minor), and they develop a much better story surrounding them. ex., Huohuo (hsr), Furina, Hutao (gi).

my point being around zzz/wuwa; I may come to play the game for the world and the story and the lore (I'm huge on world exploration and the story) but once I complete everything and there's a whole month before the next update, I'm left with the characters I got, and building them. and when it lacks characters that appeal to me and my preferences it sucks asf and I'll keep playing, but to have low to no (hi3) options of masc characters- it does affect my motivation to continue playing it.

regarding wuwa they have really good and diverse masc characters (genshin could make more men like that), moreover in comparison to zzz, they (wuwa) actually release new masc characters. I can say I'm quite satisfied, as a Jiyan/Calcharo main (Xiangli Yao has my attention atm he's a pretty one+clever) tho I wonder when we will meet Calcharo in game (did I miss something help?).

but you are so right anon, it feels a tiny bit fanservice-y (luckily not in the icky way!), but I don't have experience with kuro games like you do- I would love to hear your predictions regarding wuwa in comparison with their previous games owo. ty for the ask!

[toestalucia]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

im easy...........and like too much.......personally ! i prefer akira with the older wizards, ive talked about being in those ship tags ummmm a lot<3 i cant narrow it down further......the twins are an exception but ive been over that in the past. atm i like emu with mafuyu, rui, nene & akito a lot :D theres def more (like honami i think would be cute! and i do like her with tsukasa too, but emu tsukasa besties....), but im like twice her age so i think about that stuff so rarely LOLLLL i thought hard about the rest of my muses but.......?????????? eight/machina....perhaps...........sofia/forte.......yeong/tara......(cagli teehee)

what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

i lov drama. with gran it comes natural cuz welcome to ur 'assuming things w/out asking' and 'thinks way too much into the future where they dont want to settle down' captain. i think akiras the most tender of all of them? and most likely to actually bring up issues? sofia is fun because i think about the event where she Doesnt speak in opposites and micah ends up rly confused........being accepted with her weird speech patterns..... natsume too, either staying at the accepting his weird behavior (jumping, scared expression, running) or having the 'i can see youkai' convo....yknow.....its good...i know tanuma alrdy had a convo like that (UNREAL CONVO i miss it) but yknow. Overall ! anything. mostly. theres some 'ohhh angst' topics im not interested in, so i think most stuff stay on the more lighthearted/loving side tho

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

feel like a fraud everytime i say that i personally wont write akira with some of the 20yo's cuz im always close to deciding to make akira closer to 30. and then i say i like akira with figaro & oz......the ancient ppl......

are you selective when shipping?

rather than selective i just dont ask ppl........and i have no interest in making relationship calls nor liking them........i want to see where the writing goes first cuz i knoowwww i sometimes say gran would say x but then i write it and y happens yknow LOLLLLLL i'd be open to jumping into stuff on discord or something tho i think ? i think i could jump into romance stuff no problemo then cuz it'd feel slightly separated from here...?! cuz idk but theres something when i open this blog that i......its a very slowburn......if ure willing to spend some months writing so gran can become more accepting of the idea then its go go go. does this make sense. well either way im not sure tbh. grans a bit added difficulty too considering how i deal with their age LOLLL since cygames is pushing 15yo still. which gives me a headache seeing how the summer events etc are explicitly yearly.....i cannot write act3 gran as a teen, not when theres a political engagement with alliah like cmon....i refuse..........but since ure following this blog uve alrdy read this stuff in my rules/about LOL

either way akiras easier with romance. i just dont approach ppl about it. whenever i make that farmsim blog i wanna be more casual with this stuff tbh...T_^ for funsies............write some yearning...

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

not far at all. LMFAOOOOOOOO i use that tag very liberally. its unlikely im writing that stuff anyway....

does one have to ask to ship with you?

:DDDDDDDDDD if i ask u we've probably written for years & years && its starting to reach crush-territory anyway (hello kaitlyn) but man idk what it is....romance is just difficult to write on tomblr rn for me...gran does not make this easier. the issues r endless. can i offer u akira.

how often do you like to ship?

(person whos always in ship tags) (smiley face) (smiley face) (smiley face) can u get into mhyk for akira....or farmsims....................ill ship everything in there.....

are you multiship?

YAAAAAA the idea of having 1 ship on my blog doesnt excite me. even tho i dont write romance atm. LMFAOABKAJD

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

do u wanna hear about the akifi doujins ive read. or the akifau art where faust puts a flowercrown on akiras head.

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

THIS IS HOW DIANTHA/CLARISSE CAN STILL WIN. i am also a sabrina/leona fan. 'did they interact' no but they should. ppl who lost their husband(s). ppl who both should be AT THE CLUB. me/canaria. me/crystal

finally, how does one ship with you?

u like my posts & listen to my ramblings and i twirl my hair and send u more asks and then it just happens. foolproof.

tagged by: @convxction faty my beloved my everything u should do it for ur multi too.... tagging: @shiningstages kait i think u should do this for ur multi and ramble............

[alienssstufff]

putting elquackity aside it still hurts seeing slime become more gullible (due to him just not knowing the important information) and easier to take advantage of (grief and loneliness made him extremely emotionally vulnerable :( ). maybe im just remembering this completely wrong but he felt unshakable with his wife and daughter :( (even despite the arguments)

sorry for talking so much but do you think slime will have a happy ending? he deserves it so much but he is a slimecicle character after all so idk how hopeful i should be lmao

[dont apologise its fun talking abt this with everyone!]

You were right, q!Slime was unshakable when it came to his wife and daughter U_U this was during a time where he had clear goals and a proper place on the island. Nowadays he does not, even when he was campaigning as Gegg there was always that internal conflict on what being Gegg was all for.

Call it copium but part of me thinks q!Slime is at least somewhat aware and suspicious of ElQuackity and his ulterior motives, but like you said too, emotionally vulnerable to outright do anything about it atm especially with Q (both of them) considering their history. He reads the signs in chat, he willingly puts himself into a corner by ElQuackity (not just to be discreet but perhaps unconsciously an instinctual thing). What makes that exchange even more interesting is that ElQuackity doesn't offer any incentive to Slime, just that he knows people and has power.

Very interested to know the real reason why Slime even took this offer but my theory is that Slime was motivated by the idea on being able to change ElQuackity from the inside if he teamed up with him. Knowing that by experience (himself) that even the most fucked up people are able to undergo growth if someone was there to just listen. Of course Slime doesn't know how to do everything and is still very fresh on the road to healing he is easily swayed this way.

SKHVDBDKFVB OMG and to that end question: yes I wholeheartedly believe he can get a happy ending (granted through a lot of trauma). He may be written by Charlie but that guy knows how to write good characters and when angst is too much angst.

[aesrot]

Feel free to delete this, but I remember you saying that you liked Sonadow (I think that’s the ship name?). Anyway this is your invitation to infodump about them as much as you want. Also if you want to give fanfic recommendations I just might read them <3.

GIGGLES you shouldnt have said this >:3

idek what i could talk abt bc at the same times theres a LOT but also, despite me being mostly caught up game lore wise, i still dont feel like i have a good enough understanding of the characters, i'll probably only feel that when im caught up w the comics. which,,, will take me a good while to get through (just the archie comics are like over 500 issues long lol)

BUT. hmm what could i say that doesnt really require much prior knowledge...

ig, as every ship i ever ship, i see them more as queer platonic, sonic gives me the strongest aroace vibes, so i feel like his love for shadow wouldnt take a much different shape than his love for his other friends. but their connection goes a lil further to me, bc, when it comes to certain stuff, i feel like they're the only ones who can understand each other. and shadow... my dearest little guy... he represses a lot. his life experience wasnt. the best. i dont think he got that many opportunities to explore his own emotions, he probably cant even name a bunch of his emotions, its just easier to lash out, thats smth he's used to. he knows violence, it feels safer, he knows that dance.

and its because sonic has his fair share of violent background (aka, took up the role of a hero since he was way too young) that i feel like he is one of the few who can read shadow much easier than anyone else. hell, sonic himself is kinda knee deep in some repression (in my own understanding of his character). obvs most of this is bc its a franchise that targets kids, they wont get wild w the angst, but my boy sonic be out there fighting all the time and takes on a responsibility that shouldnt be his, the consequences of his actions can be catastrophic sometimes (once again asking everyone to watch sonic prime <3333 so much angst potential, im not normal abt it), and even when things go wrong, he jut smiles and powers through it. just think this for a second. god. imagine the amount of times he pushed himself beyond his limitations for the sake of others, how many times he pretended to be fine....

and yet. despite all that, they are terrible with communicating to each other, so things get physical often (as in fighting, not sexual, which makes it even gayer to me <3), and sigh. not surprising. put two stupid traumatised hogs in the same room and they'll either zoom around trying to race each other or they'll try to tear each others throat bc they just cant be normal together. ig thats how they communicate, go figures lol

my thoughts are all over the place atm so its hard to make this coherent <- my thoughts abt them are usually just violently screaming and sobbing. im sooo normal abt them. cant get much deeper than this without getting into the Lore, but yeah, ig this is smth

and oh, abt fanfics, hmmm i dont have that many that you could read without any background, but i did just finish this one shots collection thats very sweet and pretty chill to read without much prior knowledge, its mostly just a bunch of fluffy sick fics and them exploring their own feelings.

[sadistpet]

Meet the Writer

it's munday everybunny you know what that means

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

i love choosing muses that aren’t very. canonically fleshed out. it gives me a lot of opportunity to make them into my own ig :3

raikov is generally a pretty blank slate besides the little we know about him ( being violent / sadistic, being in love with volgin, u kno ) and i think he's potentially a really interesting character from what little we see of him. im personally not ascribed to the eva theory bc i think its kinda silly and robs him of a lot of his personal agency, but it is a common theory, so i kinda wanted to build up a characterisation that was more. faithful to canon rather than fanon u kno. plus sometimes my autism just latches onto specific random characters for no reason and in this case it was raikov JDSFHDFKJ my partner loves raiden and when we were scrolling his wiki page for the funnies obviously raikov's page comes up at the top as a "maybe you meant this" and i just kept coming back to him

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH i hate writing anything with like. eating?? which is ironic considering . raikov . but i just never know how to word it BUT aside from that i think combat is really the only thing ! just cause i feel like it relies heavily on input from both parties and i constantly feel like im overstepping kjshkfjhg

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

fluff angst smut grins. they just come a lot easier to me, especially angst because i always have a LOT to say about silly little internal thought processes and i love writing sadness and pain ^-^ it makes me very gleeful ironically jdkhfdjhg i get very emotionally invested in angst especially. smut is a little bit harder? kinda like with combat ironically it heavily relies on the input of both parties but i do feel for the most part its pretty open ended fun :3

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

i just know. BUT NO SERIOUSLY sometimes it's just Vibes, sometimes it's through reading canon stuff and linking it back to my backstory for him, sometimes it's through interactions with others. there's a lot :3 i do put a lot of thought into my headcanons though, maybe like. too much lmao. but i enjoy it i really love doing a lot of analysis to get to my headcanons

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

a bit of both ! rn i'm writing in silence and i think last night i was mostly writing in silence on my phone and then listening to music while i finished stuff on pc. i think it depends ? sometimes i just get really distracted when listening to music and end up completely neglecting actually writing HDFJGHED so i think overall i prefer silence, or something in the background that i've already seen before so i don't need to pay much attention to it

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

i love winging it :3 i like the unpredictability of it but i think i tend to like. outline ? replies before i actually write them properly. ive never really plotted with anyone besides a vague kinda outline or premise, because i do really like the unpredictability :3 but im always open to plotting grins cutely.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

Yes. not just romantic shipping; sexual, enemies, rivals, whatever, idgaf I LOVE CONNECTIONS!!!!!!! i love being able to write relationships between characters. even if its like, familial relationships or whatever, i think it's SO FUN like ourgh. grins really big

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

frances ! it’s not my irl name but the one im most comfortable using online. i also go by rosalind, neo, and vanya :3 one of these is closest to my irl name but youll never guess

ᴀɢᴇ?

22, 23 this year somehow

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

september 17th !

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

pink. fairy tale pink. baby pink. any shade of pink

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

UM im not sure ?? of all time maybe dysph.oric reverie by [redacted] and the art of suicide by emilie autumn and valley of the dolls by marina atm though its a stranger i remain and holding out for a hero

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

the thing (1982) !! oh it was so fucking good i really really enjoyed it. theres a bunch of old classic horror films ive never seen so im glad i could tick one off the list :3 the effects in it were absolutely stunning my goodness

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

i think it was blue eye samurai ?? i gen dont remember

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

im so sorry for my crimes but it was the stains of time and then holding out for a hero

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

meat. and sweet things. i dont think i really have any favourites in particular besides liiiike caramel

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

spring ! all the other seasons make me depressed in some way somehow

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

i have avoidant personality disorder so im too scared to explicitly call anybody my friend in case they hate me so unfortunately i will not think of us as friends unless yuou tell me we are. but if i talk to you / interact with you regularly just know i consider u a friend ok. snf

[monstersinthecosmos]

okay so i just finished IWTV....... oh my god!!! oh my god. it's embarrassing how insane this book made me. for the last 50 pages or so i was regularly taking breaks to run laps around my apartment like a lunatic because i physically could not handle all the pain and angst and despair coursing through my body LOL. i got so immersed in the story i forgot pretty much all of the background for armand you'd given me (and i can't remember most of it even now!!! my mind is in shambles) and still, very organically...... he became my favorite. even despite all of the. you know. and maybe even more so BECAUSE of it. i've just never witnessed an evil so heartbreaking!!!!!!!!!!? THE ABSOLUTE DEVOTION?????? DERANGED AND UGLY AND UTTERLY BEYOND REASON????!!!! FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! i'm sorry for vomiting all over your inbox i genuinely cannot conjure up any resemblance of coherence atm!!! THANK YOU FOR POINTING ME TOWARDS SUCH LUXURIOUS PAIN i LOVE it i want MORE! <3 <3 <3

oh my god OH MY GOd ,... omg... 🥹🥹

WELCOME WELCOME YES THIS HOW I FEEL EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE I WISH I KNEW WHERE TO EVEN START 

(I really feel like just answering with this meme and not subjecting you to a wall of text but I'LL TRY !!!)

GOD LIKE WHAT THIS BOOK DOES SO SO WELL AS LIKE IMMEDIATELY GROUND FLOOR OF THE SERIES LETS US ALL KNOW THAT ALL CHARACTERS COMMIT EVILS AND ARE NOT GREAT PEOPLE BUT THEY ALL WANT TO BE LOVED AND ARE TRYING LOL. 

LIKE LOUIS MOVES FROM ABUSIVE PARTNER TO ABUSIVE PARTNER UNTIL HE’S FINALLY SO DEAD INSIDE THAT HE CAN BE BY HIMSELF AND WALK AWAY.

AND LIKE IT’S SO HARD BECAUSE YOU SEE HOW CLAUDIA FREED HIM FROM LESTAT, AND THEN ARMAND FREES HIM FROM CLAUDIA. AND SOMETHING THAT ALWAYS FUCKS ME UP SO BAD IS THAT ARMAND HAS SUCH A SKEWED MAP OF APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR BUT HE’S NOT EVIL. HE’S TRYING HIS BEST, IN THE BEST WAY HE KNOWS HOW.

Wait hang on I’ll take caps off I’m so sorry lmfao I’m just really worked up. 

I think there’s a sort of meme-ier version of this like Armand going “hi 🙂 I killed your daughter 🙂 you can kill all my friends if you want 🙂 I won’t stop you 🙂 do you like me? 🙂"

But it’s actually SO TRAGIC god. Like I read IWTV as a story about domestic abuse and the family cycle, personally, and I see Claudia as an Oedipal figure. Louis is unable to get away from Lestat until Claudia makes it happen, and Claudia winds up being so cold and cruel and he’s stuck with her until Armand frees him. And there’s a lot of conversation about like, Armand being manipulative or what he did to CREATE this, how did he push them both where he wanted them, etc, but the thing that gets me is that when Louis wants to break up, Armand lets him leave.

And like SKIP WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY IF YOU DONT WANT A SPOILER BUT LIKE I DID MENTION THIS IN MY OTHER POST  —— but if you read Lestat’s book and get the background on how he and Armand met, it’s sort of the opposite where Lestat destroys Armand’s coven and Armand is so devastated about it, vs 100 years later he ALLOWS Louis to destroy a coven. AND HE GETS THE GUY!!!! In TVL he like BEGS Lestat to be with him and Lestat isn’t interested lol but he gets to keep Louis this time.

IDK IDK IM JUST REAL EMOTIONAL. 

And like !!!!!!!! God idk. If you read more of the books you get so many indications about how people in Armand’s life don’t respect him, and a lot of times people write him off because he looks like a teenager. They don’t take the danger of him seriously, which makes him even more dangerous. But it’s so heartbreaking reading IWTV and seeing how Louis respects him so much, and sees him as wise and calm, and needs him! 

And like maybe Louis is uniquely qualified to not judge people for looking like children because he has spent the last 90 years with a vampire child and respects her as an adult, you know?

If you keep reading you’ll see how much Anne Rice like retcons or how much the continuity flops around so like EVERY book will have a Doylist vs Watsonian conversation like, she never comes out and says that Armand looks like he’s 17 in IWTV and in the later books it’s a huge point every time he’s on the page just HE’S SHORT HE’S 17 HE LOOKS LIKE A CHERUB etc and maybe that’s because she hadn’t decided that yet but also maybe Louis is the only person who fucking respects him. :)