#im really glad. it means a lot to me to be able to be closer with ppl

[noxtivagus]

bday dump cont. in tags 🫶🏼

LOOK AT THE PICS I TOOK OF MY WOL W THE GLAMS A FRIEND GIFTED 😭😭

[ranhaitanisgf]

Helloo!!! could you write a oneshot about ran dating fem!reader and she is like a total good girl i mean like good grades, a teachers pet and always listents to her parents.

Hope you have a good day you are one of my favourite writers<3<3

little miss rule follower

synopsis: moments w/ ran dating his fem!reader who is a rule follower

☆ a/n ˎˊ˗ hiii thank you for requesting!! :3 +thank you for the message you are so sweet !! im so glad you enjoy my writings :D i wanted to include a lot of diff moments w this idea, so i did a little collection of mini oneshots, i hope thats alright ! i hope you all have an amazing and gorgeous and fabulous day & enjoy !! xoxo

☆ characters ˎˊ˗ ran haitani x fem!reader

☆ wc ˎˊ˗ 1.8k+

masterlist

“y’know, it would’ve been a lot faster if i’d just driven you home, right?” ran suddenly asked, his voice laced with playfulness. “is it just that you want to spend more time with me~?” 

“hm? you know i’m not going to show up at home on the back of a motorbike, ran.” you rolled your eyes at his teasing, jokingly trying to pull your hand from his. he frowned at the action, lacing your fingers together and keeping your hand in a firmer grip. 

“you don’t want to be close to me? you don’t want to be able to hold me all you want? maybe even feel my abs-?” 

“no.” 

“...ouch. that one really hurt, sweets.” you giggled at his crestfallen expression, finding it rather cute as he pouted, side eyeing you to see your reaction. his jaw dropped dramatically when he saw your face. “you’re laughing?! wow, this really is a cruel world!” 

“yeah yeah, the world is sooo evil to you, right?” you teased, your sarcasm evident as you laughed at him. 

“yes, it really is!” he exclaimed, letting go of your hand and suddenly wrapping his long arms around your shoulders, putting his full weight on you. “(y/n), you understand, right?!”

“gah! r-ran! get offa me, you’re so heavy!!” you groaned, struggling to hold the both of you up at the same time. “i was joking!! of course i want to…ahh, of course i want to be close with you!!” as soon as those words came out of your mouth, he got off of you, smirking at you with a pleased look in his violet eyes. 

“that’s all i wanted to hear~” he stated, continuing your walk home as if he hadn’t been laying all his weight on you two seconds ago. all you could do was roll your eyes at him, but your smile was still on your face as the two of you continued walking, ran’s hand finding yours again and lacing your fingers together. 

“also…” you suddenly spoke up, “i know it takes longer to get home this way…but i get to spend more time with you…” you trailed off, feeling a bit shy about what you had just admitted. “i mean, i don’t want to be greedy or anything, but it’s nice that we can spend this time just the two of us, since you’re usually pretty busy with your…stuff, and i’m busy with school...” 

when you looked to ran after you finished talking, you were surprised to see the soft smile that was across his lips, his eyes looking at you as if you were the only person on the planet. 

“you can be as greedy as you want, (y/n). hell, i’m probably more greedy than you’ll ever be in your whole lifetime.” he squeezed your hand a bit, pulling you a bit closer to his side as you two kept walking. “if you tell me you want more of my time, i’ll drop anything and everything for you. so, just tell me.” 

“...okay then.” you answered warmly, smiling at him. “also, walk a little slower. your strides are so long it’s hard to keep up with you.” 

“hm? i’m already slowing down for you.” 

“yeah, well, walk slower.” 

“oho, you were serious about wanting to spend more time with me, huh? no problem then, doll~” 

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

“c’monnn, you know nothing would happen to you, right? i wouldn’t ever let anybody hurt you, (y/n).” 

“i’m not sneaking out to go out with you, ran! we have school tomorrow! why can’t we just do something after school?” you asked, already knowing what ran’s response was going to be. 

“that’s no fun!”

“ohh, so you don’t have fun with me when we go out during the day? wooow, i see how it is, haitani.” you answered, making your voice seem upset. ran was always teasing you, so you could do the same every once in a while, right?

“hey, you know that’s not what i meant.” 

“pff, ‘m joking.” you relented, laughing a bit at the sigh you heard from the speaker on your phone. “sorryyy, forgive me please~?” 

“that was a mean little trick, but i’ll forgive you ‘cause you asked so nicely. you seriously won’t even consider it though?” 

“no! i love you ran, but i also enjoy not being in trouble and i enjoy not breaking the rules. i know you’re not like that, which is fine, but you’ll just have to get over the fact that your girlfriend is unfortunately a stick in the mud.” 

“well, i prefer to use the term ‘good girl’ ‘cause it’s cuter, but it’s okay, i can let it slide. can we go out after school, then?”

“that depends…are you actually going to show up to classes tomorrow?” 

“hey, that hurts! i’ve been showing up to school a lot more lately!”

“and then all you do is pass me notes instead of taking notes.” 

“in my defense, you just said show up, not to actually do anything.”

“please?” 

“...fine, but you’re riding on my motorbike when we go out.”

“as long as you don’t drive me to my house, that’s fine i guess…” 

“don’t worry, you can hold onto me as tight as you want~”

“h-hey!!” 

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

you look so beautiful today ♡ can’t wait to see you after school~

you immediately folded up the piece of paper, shifting your notebook to slip it underneath so that nobody could see it. you could already feel ran’s gaze on you, confirming it when you peeked over and made eye contact with his lazy violet eyes, the corners of his lips turning up into a small smile. 

you looked back to your teacher in the front of the classroom who was droning on and clearly not paying attention, so you decided it was okay to not pay attention for a little longer. you looked back at ran, who was now making a little finger heart at you and mouthing something. 

“i…love…you.” 

your heart skipped a beat and you could feel your cheeks flushing, which only made ran chuckle a bit as you continued with paying attention to the lesson, (he was satisfied knowing that he had successfully distracted you). 

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

“(l/n), can you make copies of this printout for tomorrow’s class?” 

“sure!” you chirped, taking the handout from your teacher and glancing over it. “i’ll leave them on your desk when i come back!” 

“thanks, i appreciate it.” you hummed in acknowledgment before leaving the classroom, making your way down to the printer room where the copier was. 

“where’re you goin’~?” the sudden voice in your ear made you jump, though you didn’t do anything more drastic since you recognized it almost immediately, your mind suddenly remembering that you were supposed to be going out with ran right now. 

“ran! ahh, i’m so sorry, just let me do this and then we can go?” he joined you at your side, looking into your pleading eyes for a second before sighing, a bit of a frown on his lips. 

“fiiine, but let’s make it quick. i found a sweets place i think you’d like.” you raised a brow when he continued to follow you to the printer room and he raised a brow back, wondering why you were confused. “you thought i was just gonna leave?” 

“i mean, yeah…this won’t take that long and it’s kinda boring.” 

“sure, but i’m with you, so it doesn’t really matter to me either way.” he responded casually, opening the door to the printer room now that the two of you had arrived. 

“you’re such an idiot, but you’re cute i guess.” you murmured, unsure of how to respond to his words. 

“here’s the part where i get to say, ‘but i’m your idiot’~” you only rolled your eyes, opening the top of the copier and laying the worksheet down flat and closing it. you could feel ran’s presence behind you getting closer, so you weren’t surprised when he rested his head on your shoulder, watching your movements as you input the number of copies to make. 

as the copier began to print out the copies, ran slid his arms around your waist, holding you firmly against his frame. there wasn’t anybody else in the room nor any windows, but you were still a bit anxious that somebody was going to come in and get the wrong idea. 

“ran, someone could walk in.” 

“what? i’m not even doing anything.” he teased, pressing kisses on your shoulder.

“this-! this is something! it’s like super pda!” 

“it’s not like we’re having sex-” 

“okay, stop!! forget i even said anything!!” you interrupted, wiggling out of his embrace to open the top of the copier, grabbing the worksheet you had put there and putting it on top of the stack of copies. “i’m almost done here, so go wait for me outside and i’ll be out in five minutes. bye!” 

before ran could say anything to response you had already sped out of the room, leaving him there chuckling a bit to himself. 

how cute. 

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

“i’m actually not so sure about this anymore.” 

“hm? are you scared?” ran asked. you had thought that it would be worth it to agree to go on his motorbike if he came to class today, but now…you weren’t so sure. 

“are you sure this is safe? there aren't even any seatbelts…!” 

“you don’t trust me, doll?” 

“it’s not you i’m worried about!” you exclaimed, feeling a bit panicked. “what if there’s someone else who’s driving drunk and they hit you! a motorbike versus a car, the car would definitely win! how can you feel so confident riding this thing all the time?! what if something happens to you-?!” 

“hey.” ran suddenly said, taking two long strides to come face to face with you. “it’s okay.” he murmured, cupping your face and carefully smoothing his thumb over your cheek. “nothing has ever happened because i’m always careful. i’m always thinking of you, (y/n). i would never do anything that would threaten my own safety because i know how you would feel if something happened. okay?” 

“...you’re not lying?” 

“could never lie to you.” 

“...okay.” 

“how ‘bout we go get some cake for you, hm?” you nodded, wiping away the tears you hadn’t known you’d shed and feeling a bit ashamed at your sudden outburst over seemingly nothing. 

“‘m sorry.”

“don’t be. i probably give you every reason to worry, so you can let it all out.” 

˗ˏˋ𖤐ˎˊ˗

“you feelin’ better now?” ran asked, an amused smile on his face as he watched you absolutely devour the slice of cake in front of you. you tried to respond but couldn’t, your cheeks full of cake. ran made a motion that told you to finish before speaking, giving you a few moments to finish chewing. 

“yes! sweets fix everything!!” you declared, a big grin on your face. “see, if we had gone out at night this place wouldn’t be open!! isn’t this so much better?” 

“mm, doesn’t really matter to me. as long as you keep smiling like that, pretty~” you coughed at his sudden flirty words, accepting the cup of juice ran offered you and chugging it to get the cake that was stuck in your throat down. 

“s-sorry…” 

“hah, it’s cute how much my words affect you.” 

“shut up.” 

“will do~”

[thesuperiorrobin]

I literally love the “crazy idea, let’s make out” it it very good!!! It is supper good!! Can I request the bat boys type? Thank you for your time! Please take care!

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT. I had to read other peoples make out scene bc I honestly did not know how to write one. I think I did an okay job tho😭

Writing for Dick is so effing hard for some reason

Richard ‘Dick’ Grayson

I whole heartily believe he likes taller women. No doubt about it

But if you’re bit on the shorter side that’s fine too.

I feel like he wants someone who’s independent and doesn’t rely on others

Someone who wouldn’t mind him being away from days to months at a time because of work and all .

Wants someone who matches his energy.

For like a thirty something year old he does have a lot of energy.

He wants someone who can take a joke and doesn’t take it the wrong way. He wants someone to laugh with him and not get mad.

Definitely wants someone who’s laid back but not to laid back where it becomes a problem.

100% wants someone to cry with him when he watches a very sad drama.

I think it’s cannon that he’s on the more talkative side?

Idk but if he is he wants someone can he can talk with—hours on end and the conversation never get boring.

Would 100% date a superhero

Jason todd

Jason like chubby girls. 100% you can’t change my mind about it

I also feel like he has a thing for strong women too.

When It comes to Jason I think he has two types.

The first time is obviously the strong type

Someone he doesn’t take shit from know one

Is really just a badass person In general

Or type 2

Someone who’s really soft spoken

Someone who’s quiet but not to quiet where they don’t even bother to communicate. Like a shy person.

Said person who’s also very caring and kind.

Jason definitely wants someone who shares the same interests. Not all of them but the small ones like reading.

Headcannon: Jason prefers the book copies instead of the online ones. He likes the smell of new books fight me.

Jason also wants someone who deals with his shit better then he does honestly

This man has been through a lot no doubt about.

And he’s not great when he has to deal with his problems that are emotionally and mentally.

So someone who can help him and guide him (even if he does deny it at first) trust he will be grateful for it

He would not date someone who’s a hero or vigilante.

He tried but failed

Tim Drake

Definitely likes shorter women

I mean mans only like 5’4? “5’4?

So technically he’s tall but not that tall like the others 💀

He’s good at technology and really wants someone who’s interested in his hobbies. Most people don’t find them interesting. (But I mean cmon if he was able to tell the world he hacks things to get information on them for Batman—then that has them sold, but he can’t)

He gives me bad girl x Nerd boy vibe 😔

I’m kidding no I’m not

I feel like he would want someone who’s more on the quiet side and someone who’s willing able to lay down next to him for a long periods of time bc we all know this man can sleep anywhere at anytime if he felt like it.

So having someone who can just lay there while he sleeps are pointers.

This isn’t a preference but he 100% needs someone who can take care of him.

Because him not sleeping for long periods of time results in him not eating and only serving off coffee. Not good for him.

Tim seems like the kind to date someone who’s a superhero or whatever.

That way they can be closer.

Damian Wayne

Damian doesn’t have a preference.

I Don’t think he would care if your short, tall, Skinny or chubby.

Like Jason I also think he has two types.

The first type would someone who’s very mysterious. He likes that.

Someone who’s mature and calm during rough times or situations.

Like Dick, someone who is very independent.

Second type is quiet literately the opposite of what his personality is

Someone who’s kind and warm to others.

Bubbly kind of personality.

He doesn’t want someone who talks to much.

Like at all.

he wants someone who shares the same interest as him—Y’know fighting for animal right and what not.

Not a preference but I think Damian needs someone who can help him with the reality of the world and stuff

Because I believe Damian does not know how to act like a kid his age until he meets his partner who show him.

Would not date anyone who’s in the superhero gig.

Like at all. He hates the idea

He would rather date a civilian. They are less likely to get killed during a mission.

Writing for them is so much fun I might do more headcannons about them 😭🤚

[jaemified]

major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

-

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

-

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

[jeonstudios]

i really appreciate u in making enemies to lovers REAL because most of the time it’s not giving.. like people just dont get the excellence of the that trope if the characters are fake mean. NOO they need to be MEAN mean in order for the story to be GREAT… like.. not good person type of mean but thats what makes it great and entertaining to read.

The only thing i hope is for the FMC to be equally as mean and horrible, it’d be a next level enemies to lovers. FMC in dc is a bit too nice and too ‘weak’ but then again reading evolution of lovers heart makes me think u like writing fmc that is nice and genuinely kind hearted that almost makes us want to rip out hair out but then at the end we got plot twists that makes us understand why she needs to be nice and kind and how she’s so much more than that so im kinda waiting for that switch up in dc and honestly with chapter 14 i can see the evolution. cant wait!!

i'm glad! i really wanted to make them enemies, but honestly, if there's any chance of them ever getting closer, i feel like there needs to be some sort of misunderstanding. (or not make them "real" enemies to start with). i feel like if i had made her even meaner, then things hadn't evolved in the way they did. the reason she's "able" to still be so upset at him for being mean to her is because she wasn't that mean to him, she wouldn't come for anyone like he did her. and the story deals a lot with feminism and sexism, and it's a lot more "natural" for men to be angrier and meaner and get away with it. she couldn't act just in any way or she would've probably been reprimanded and fired for harassment or smth. it all ties back to gender roles and gender differences in a way. if you remember, she told jk at the beginning that she doesn't think men are even capable of love? so she definitely feels like men just don't care, whereas she would never stoop so low. so while i do enjoy writing sweet female characters, it's not the main reason she's "weaker" in this fic ❤️

[pokemonshelterstories]

This isn't really an interesting story, but I have a Lilligant, named Demeter who is an absolutely precious part of my life, and having to go outside to spend time with her genuinely has helped my depression so much. It's hard to take care of her flower, but this fall, for the very first time, her flower has gone from a more dark-off white color to a pinkish hue!! I've always been taking her regularly to centers and I'm it's just the difficulty of captivity that keeps the flower from being the 'typical' pink, but I'm so happy. I don't care what it looks like if she's healthy, but the fact that it means she's doing well makes me feel like I'm leaving a good impact on the world. I've seen a lot of people reluctant to get grass types that aren't typically cuddly, but there's nothing more heartwarming than realizing Demeter will come up to the window to hear me even when we aren't 'hanging out' and will willingly move closer to me while we hang out outside. I love her so much.

this story brightened my day so much! pokemon and people have been living alongside each other for so long, and the impact we have on each other's lives is incredible. it sounds like you're taking amazing care of demeter.

i totally agree about pokemon that aren't cuddly. remus is not a pokemon i will ever be able to let my guard down around, and it's not a pokemon that needs or necessarily even wants social interaction. but the fact that this giant, ancient dragon chirps to me when i come to feed it and sometimes presents its butt to me for scratches just...it's something special.

im glad you and demeter have each other! say hi to her for me :]

[jemmo]

his man 3 ep 9 + 10

consider me gagged. literally gagged. i tried so hard to avoid spoilers all day and im so glad i did bc wow ep 10 alone had changed so much for me. like i had to grab my laptop to write this so i could type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts. anyway.

and let me start off with what im a little less invested in, which is the youngjoon and myeongkyun situation. i was busy on holidays for a couple of weeks when this was picking up so didn't write about my thoughts, but it was safe to say i was more on youngjoon's side, not a staunch hater of myeongkyun but bc i liked youngjoon a lot at the start and also feel for the frustration of someone giving vague answers when you're trying to talk something else bc man ive been there. but with this conversation, it puts myeongkyun's behaviour in such a different light thats easier for me to understand and empathise with. like... if you were invested in a relationship that ended vaguely but you always kept some amount of hope alive all this time, only to be met with percieved coldness and harshness when you see that person again, i see why you'd tense up, which explains why he always seemed somewhat uncomfortable in the house. and i also understand why he seemed to 'pester' youngjoon, bc he's either conciously or uncounciously defaulting back to the dynamic and level of friendliness they had before. for youngjoon, he easily ended a relationship he thought neither party was too interested in, only to still be contacted by that person and then have that person pester you in the house. like that seems like someone who is trying to get at an ex. for myeongkyun, this is all a much longer process of him coming to terms with the fact that yes, he was more invested in this relationship and yes, he maintained some level of feelings and hope they'd come back together, and seeing him having to face the fact that he was the only one thinking that and whatever he was holding on to never mattered... ngl i cried a bit. the fact is him and youngjoon just are different when it comes to dating, youngjoon is very hot from the go, but if he feels nothing in return he backs off with nothing lost, whereas myeongkyun takes a lot longer to develop, realise and then admit his feelings, and so you can easily see how these two people would misunderstand each other. and i also wanna say how interesting i find myeongkyun's presentation and journey on the show. he came in with this big impact both bc of him being presented as this handsome and confident guy and bc he had a history with youngjoon. together, its easy to jump to the conclusion that myeongkyun was the one who did something to youngjoon or was in the wrong, when that wasn't actually the case at all. it also makes me wonder what kind of myeongkyun we wouldve gotten if youngjoon wasnt also there. would we have gotten this confident hottie? bc i think, bc youngjoon was there and all of this history was brought up (history of a first relationship by the way!! no wonder it got to him so much), making him face it revealed a much softer and more sensitive side of him that mightve taken longer had this not all happened, which in a twisted way im glad of bc it means he can now get closer with other people, and im interested to see how he will shift now, if we'll be able to see this goofy side of him but a lot more carefree. anyway, all of this is to say i ended up liking myeongkyun more than i thought bc suprise suprise, people are a lot more complicated than they first appear. and honestly... i might like him more than youngjoon now, but dont tell me from 3 weeks ago that.

and now to the juicier stuff. this whole love triangle that is apparently turning square. i really dont know how to put my thoughts into words bc im somehow both sad and happy?? i guess i wanna say there's people im happy for and people im sad for. first of all im sad for hwi, but also really glad this conversation at the end of ep 10 was had. we've seen too many examples on this show of people not knowing how to give up on pursuing people, and even more examples of people that are poor at communicating where their interest lies and letting people down when its needed, so this made me happy. after how overwhelmed he was in earlier eps, im glad seongmin is feeling some clarity, even if i disagree but we'll get to that and i guess its his feelings that matter, and im glad he communicated clearly where he's at. but man did my heart break for hwi during that chat. there's that youthful passion and naivety to his feelings for seongmin that just feels horrid and cruel to squash, but also necessary, and i will very much second seongmin and seungjin's sentiment that he can date other people and should know that seongmin is not the only person in the world for him. in this season, it seems people have so quickly and easily found their one person they want to commit to and easily formed couples, but that doesnt mean they're right, nor does it mean that's the only person for them, and the show seems to be encouraging them away from this too. hwi was just so enamoured by seongmin, it feels like he found someone that he thought was absolutely perfect, and so letting go of that feels impossible. but for me too, i did love them together, it was so sweet and cute at the start, but things can and do change and when they do, we all need to realise it doesn't lessen anything that happened. for those couple of days, everything they felt was genuine and they were happy and that can still be remembered fondly while mourning the fact that you won't have that same happiness with that person again.

and i also wanna say im kind of sad for jaeseung. i said just that i was happy about this clarity seongmin has now, but for jaeseung, i feel sad that he just seems so on edge all the time, like how people can be on the edge of getting angry all the time, except for him it feels like he'll spiral into his worst thoughts at the simplest things. like when hwi would talk about jaeseung, yes he'd be mad and jealous, but until the end of this ep, it didn't feel that deep, like he'd joke about getting mad but i wouldn't feel that much tension. and yes while hwi did get more frustrated in these eps, for a lot longer jaeseung has been so tightly strung and will so easily get mad just when he sees hwi and seongmin together. and im like... yes ok get jealous whatever, but you can't actually get that mad when he's equally entitled to spend time with the person he likes and try to win him over. and if its bc he really does like seongmin that much then im sorry but i don't think jealously to that much of a level is sweet. you aren't a thing yet, so just take a minute and breathe bc at the end of the day, seongmin and hwi will feel and behave however you want and thats out of your hands. and i know on some level its bc he's jealous of the fact that hwi is able to express his feelings so openly and blatantly while jaesung cant, like that is what he always focuses his frustration on as if hwi doing that is bad when actually its just completely within his right and jaeseung is equally allowed to express his feelings. plus i hate to say it but i just dont feel seongmin and jaeseung's chemistry yet. if i see it later on then im more than happy to change my mind but their date was so bland and matter of fact, they don't share any interests, and since that date there's been nothing that's made me vibe with them as a couple. it feels convenient instead of something that started with feelings but hey, if genuine feelings do develop i will stand corrected, but all i say is just bc something seems like it should be right, doesnt mean it actually is.

and my final piece of happiness will of course be for seungjin bc as much as im sad about hwi losing seongmin... hwi and seungjin has so much potential to be the perfect friends to lovers to put bridgerton s3 to shame. i just think theyre fantastic together, they get on so easily and match each other's vibe so well and i'd be so happy if something developed, but i dont want to get too excited bc hwi has been so focused on seongmin that i don't know if or how his interests for others will develop now.

but all in all i liked these eps, ep 10 especially, and im very interested to see how this new love square will resolve (remember, polyamory exists too)

[jazz-miester]

TFA Starscream x Autobot mech reader smutty time<3

Feel free to ignore!!!! YOUR FFS KEEP ME SANE BTW😭😭😭

Between me and you? I care a little.

Pairing: Tfa Starscream x Reader

Reader type: Autobot Mech

Song: she calls me daddy - king mala

Warnings: Smut

An: Im glad you like my stuff so much lol. And sorry this is a bit short! But I do hope you enjoy!

"If you don't keep quiet we're going to get caught." You hissed into Starscream's audial. The seeker in question couldn't have cared less. If anything he became louder as you drug your spike along his valve.

"Pit if I care if they hear." He rolled his hips against yours. A salacious grin on his lips as he squeezed down on your spike. You hips stuttered. A breathless moan played at your lips.

"Fraggit Con." You lean you helm against his. Pulling up on his thighs to move him further up on the wall you were fragging him against. Starscream complained about how you were going to ruin his paint up until you hit a cluster of nodes in his valve.

"Really. If your any louder someone's gonna come looking. Last thing I need to do is explain to Optimus why i'm fragging our enemy." You looked at the mech who had his helm thrown back. Vents rattling loudly as you hit those nodes again. "Although you do look nice like this. Maybe I wouldn't mind showing you off to much." Starscream moaned. Drew in a shaking breath as he glared at you.

"You fragger." You laughed. Pulled his helm towards you so you could capture his lips in a heated kiss.

"Only for you Screamer." You spoke against his lips. "Only for you." You reached a digit down to press circles against his puffy node. Drawing out more of those sounds that you oh so enjoyed hearing.

His voice wasn't so grating like this. Lost in the pleasure you were giving him. The beginning of all of this started as hate fucking, as the humans would call it.

The amount of times he had called you a groundpounder. Really, if you were paid you'd be able to retire somewhere by now.

"That's it Screamer. C'mon. That's my pretty mech." You spoke lowely. Encouraging him further and further into the pleasure you were giving him. Your own frame ran hot. Fervorously so.

"Not. Your. Mech." Starscream bit out and you chuckled.

"Oh? Am I your mech then? Pretty thing?" You bucked your hips. Leaning forwards as to get him closer to you. You laved your mouth against the closest part of his wing to you. You could feel Starscream shiver beneath you. His valve cycling and clenching around you almost painfully.

"Uh huh. My mech. All mine." Starscream whined out. "All mine. Not the Autobots. Mine." With that he bit you. Despite every time you told him not to. He bit harshly enough at the cabling in your neck to bruise. You supposed it was a seeker thing but Primus. How many more time could you use fighting the Cons as an exscuse?

Although. If this is what constituted as fighting you supposed more Bots would be joining.

Starscream began to babble nonsense. A surefire sign he was close to an overload. His entire frame tensed. Helm thrown back and scraping against the wall behind him. Fluids flowed out and smeared all over yours and his thighs. You found your own release soon after him. Spilling transfluid within him as your own high peak and fell.

The two of you said nothing. Sitting in a blissed out silence. After a moment you pulled out. Watching as your combined transfluid spilled out of Starscream's valve and onto the ground below.

Pulling a rag from your subspace you cleaned him off the best you could out in the open. You let your field flow over his. Letting him feel the comfort and ease you felt.

"I meant it. Ya know." Starscream spoke after a moment. "You're mine." His helm clunked against your chassis. "You mean a lot to me. For a ground pounding Autobrat." You laughed.

"Right back at ya Star. Right back at ya."

[wind-up-thancred]

Hey I saw ur Thancred face mod and wanted to say…thank you so much!!!! And I miss his old face 🥺 do you think it’s possible to ever get it back? I’m tempted to learn modding just to fix up my boy bc they really massacred him 💀

hi anon! im glad you like the mod. yeah i dont blame you for missing the old face lol, i took one look at it in textools when the patch dropped and went "wtf did they do to my boy... 😢" i think it depends on what you mean by "getting his old face back":

-if you want to start with the 7.0 base face, you could probably open it up in blender next to his old face and use the sculpt tool to physically sculpt his mesh to be closer to what it used to be, but i think past the lips there isn't too much else on the actual geometry to change— maybe his nose and jawline? but to me it feels like a lot of the change also happened to his normal maps, which are the textures that add extra shading detail and volume to the face. the old textures cant be ported over because the new mesh isn't laid out for them, buuuut im aware of a tool being developed currently in the ffxiv loose texture compiler for automatically transforming the old textures to match the new mesh layout. will that work for thancred's unique face? i'm not sure, but it could be worth a try— im fairly certain his unique sculpt is an edited version of one of the male midlander faces, so once that specific face is supported in the tool, it might work. if not, you can always manually adjust the new normal map while referencing the other one. -if you want to start with the OLD 6.58 base face, i believe there is a blender script going around (i saw it in the textools discord last iirc?) for converting old face sculpts to new ones. this is necessary because the new faces have QUITE a few new bones in them that need to be rigged, or else the face will not animate. from there, you MIGHT have to convert some of the old textures as well, but i'm not 100% sure, i think it depends on how well they work at baseline for 7.0. i know there's still a legacy skin shader in the game for older faces since not all of them have been updated yet, so you might be able to switch it to that so that the old textures still work. if that sounds like A Lot, uh... i dont blame you 😅ive been learning xiv modding for about two years ish now so ive got a lil bit of know-how under my belt, but if you want somewhere good to start, i would recommend joining the textools discord, there are multiple channels there for people to ask questions about how modding works, how to mod specific things, lots of tutorials, etc, and im sure therell be something in there to help you along. buuuuut in the meantime, i HAVE seen two other existing mods so far on XMA that do both of the things i mentioned before: https://www.xivmodarchive.com/modid/109670 this one seems to be a very good version of the first fix, where they went in and sculpted his new 7.0 face to be closer to the old one to a higher extent than i did, with his lips, jaw, and nose tweaked. it doesnt have heterochromia or scruff like mine does but i think you should theoretically be able to do that easily— feel free to send another ask if you want me to explain how i did it on my mod. https://www.xivmodarchive.com/modid/109665 this one, meanwhile, is the second fix— they ported the old face model over the new one. it has stubble and no heterochromia but again, if you want to change either of those, id be happy to explain how i did it. i have not tested either of these myself so i have no clue how well these work in-game but im sure they work fine!! i hope either of those help you out and if not i wish you good luck on your modding journey.... esp learning blender ^^" its a pain in the ass at first but trust me it feels really really good once youve figured stuff out!

[damn-stark]

Chapter 30 Beyond the sun

Chapter 30 of Cherry

A/N: Who’s back? I’m back! IM BACK!!!! *cue in Oprah you get a car gif*

Warning- Angst, long chapter, swearing, fluff, mentions of blood, wounds, ptsd

Episodes- 4x88 (special episode pt.1)

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

There he stood calmly, every bit of that boy you knew before he abandoned everyone in Marley, before he turned to this cold person, before he started the rumbling and began to stomp on the world beyond the Island. Here he was standing before you with those same ferocious green eyes full of hope and determination.

Eren was here before you.

“What do you need to say, Eren?” You probe. “What's so important that you couldn’t include everyone?”

Yet even if you saw him before you, your annoyance and anger doesn’t fade.

“Is it perhaps about what you’re doing?” You spat. “The destruction? The killing of innocents? Eren, what is—”

“Stop,” he cuts you off, and still doesn’t seem annoyed. “Just listen okay?”

You blink to look down at the sand beneath your feet and don’t respond with anything to let him speak.

“I know you have a lot of questions, I know you’re angry, you have every right to be, but,” he pauses and sighs. “I just need you to hear me out. I won't be able to say it again.”

What? What does he mean by that?

You slowly look up at him and narrow your gaze.

“When the time comes,” he continues and steps closer to you. “I need you to do what’s right. It’s all going to come down to one final act…you’ll know it when it comes. And if anyone else can’t, if no one will, please do it.”

Your anger and annoyance begins to fade, and concern and confusion replace it. “What are you talking about Eren?” You ask with a puzzled look. “What’s going to happen?”

Eren let’s out a deep breath, and then offers you a faint smile, one you haven’t seen in months. One so kind that this now seems like a dream.

“You’ve been a good friend,” he suddenly changes the subject. “You’re like the annoying sister I never had.” He scoffs softly, and you just look at him with more confusion. “I…” he pauses and his breath trembles. “I really hope you get everything you want out of life. You deserve it.”

“Eren,” you breathe out and still can’t figure out what to feel, even if you’re beginning to understand why he isn’t being cold, why he looks kind and sounds genuine.

“Live your life to the fullest, y/n, don’t regret a thing.” He closes the gap that was between you and holds your gaze with his watery eyes. “And promise me one more thing?”

Since you’re unable to comprehend what’s going on you remain quiet.

“Promise me you’ll look out for her…Mikasa.”

You blink in disbelief, and then it hits you like a bullet to the flesh. You finally accept what you were trying to deny. This….it’s a goodbye.

“Promise me you’ll be there for her.” He adds.

You shake your head, and now your lips form to a sad frown whilst your eyes fill with tears. “No, Eren, no. You can—”

“Come back?” He cuts you off. “After all I’ve done?” He shakes his head. “I have to do this. I have to say goodbye. Just promise me you’ll live your life, okay? Don’t think about me, be happy and live your life with Jean or whoever you want. And look out for her, please tell her to live a good life, a happy life, tell her not to think about me. Please,” he begs as tears roll out of his eyes.

“Eren,” you whisper softly.

Said man offers you a gentle smile and lets his eyes linger on you to take you in one more time before he wraps you in an embrace.

His warmth and comfort shocks you at first since he’s never been one to be this affection. But as you take in his words, as tears escape out of your own eyes you hug him back.

“I’m glad I…” your voice quivers. “I got to meet you. You were a headache and quite scary, but I will never forget you.” You assure him so you won’t regret not saying what’s on your mind, and feel him hold onto you tighter. “I’m glad I got to have a brother.”

Eren lets out a slow sigh and whispers. “Keep this between us okay? You’ll keep your promise?”

You sniffle and nod. “I promise.”

And just like that the starry sky is gone, that bright tree is no longer ahead, and the comfort of Eren’s arms are no longer holding you. It’s cold and bright only due to the lights that come from the ceiling above.

He was right too, nothing changed around you in this physical state; Jean, Connie, Armin, Onyankopon and Reiner were still pulling in the flying boat, only your mood changed. Now instead of wanting to tease Connie as he struggled, as you were annoyed you couldn’t help, now a sad frown decorates your features, and tears roll out of your eyes.

Why did Eren have to tell you that now when you’re with everyone? Why you?

You suck at lying, people see right through you. He knows that. He knows it’s hard for you to keep things from Jean. It’s hard to keep in what makes you emotional from Levi. Why say goodbye?

Why does he have to say it?

No matter what—

No, no you can’t think about it any further or else you’ll just sob and not stop….but now, now it’s hard to actually be furious. What he’s doing is still wrong, but it’s hard to…hate him.

Fuck, fuck!

You let out a shaky sigh and push yourself away from the tall crates you’re leaned against to…do what exactly?

You can’t help the men because Jean doesn’t let you, “you’ll open your stitches”—please.

Maybe Mikasa needs help unloading!

You wipe away the tears and thank the night sky that it’s dark or else they’d see your puffy eyes. You the head over to the ship. Yet when you see her walking down with a crate in her hands, when you see her face all you’re reminded of now is what Eren told you, the promises he made you keep—you can’t be with her right now. Not now. So you turn on your heels and just take a step forward and stay there. There’s nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.

You can’t go to Hange or else they’d make you spill everything, you can’t walk around the harbor because what if someone is out there in the shadows ready to take you back to a cell. You can’t talk to Annie because…well there’s nothing to say, and Levi?

You can’t lie but he wouldn’t force you to say anything, he’ll be good company too.

Thus before anyone can talk to you, you turn around again and just keep your head down as you make a beeline to Levi’s quarters. You rap your knuckles on the door and wait for a response. Which you don’t get so you knock again.

“Come in,” he mutters.

You slowly open the door and poke your head inside first, causing him to sigh. Yet before you can react you notice him sitting on his bed. “What are you doing?” You complain and rush over to him. “You should be resting. Laying down.”

Levi scoffs and swats your hands away. “I’ve had enough of it. I’m tired of being useless.”

“But you’re not, we understand,” you argue. “Please just rest.”

Levi looks up at you to meet your gaze. “I will if you do. You need it too, you’re putting too much strain on your wounds. If it gets infected what then? You’ll get a fever,” he answers his own question. “What if your heart can’t take it?”

You step back to sit next to him and sigh deeply. “I had a fever before you know? When I was on my way here, I didn’t die.”

“But how close were you?” He asks without hesitation. And that’s when he makes you go speechless because last time was a fever that almost took you.

“Exactly,” he interjects in your silence.

You swallow thickly and begin to fiddle with your fingers. This is not the talk you expected, but it does keep you from thinking about what Eren said. And to keep that up you comment on something discussed before. “So is it true that you’d go back home if we make it out of this?”

Levi turns his head to look at you with his eye and nods. “If it’s what you want? What of Kirstein though? You really think he’ll want to live in the slums?”

You shrug. “We don’t have to live underground….I just want a home. Some place where we can feast and see the stars,” you smile softly and meet his gaze. “Just like what we wanted. He can come, but if he doesn’t want to that's fine too.”

Levi raises his chin and narrows his eye. “Well isn’t that a change of heart.”

You drop your gaze and draw in a deep breath. “Being in Marley,” you sigh. “It changed me. I…” you shake your head. “I just don’t know. I don’t know what I want.”

Jean fills your head with so much pretty stuff, you want to still cling onto your previous wishes that you had before getting trapped in Marley, but as the days go by, as the nightmares haunt your mind slowly those dreams and wants get torn away. You want peace, you still love Jean, but it’s the future that’s hazy now.

Levi huffs out and carefully pats your hand before he slowly holds it. “That’s fine too. You’re young, if we make it out you’ll have the whole world to see. You can fall in love again and again. You’ll have choices, that’s something we didn’t have before.”

You hum in agreement and nod slowly. You stay quiet after that and just watch your hands, and it’s your silence that he reads you like a book.

“What's bothering you?” He asks.

You blink in disbelief and keep your gaze down as you shake your head. “Nothing. Just thinking of what we just talked about. What…we probably have to do.” Without giving anything away you lift your eyes slightly to share a question while also trying to find comfort somehow over what Eren said to you. “If it came down to it could you…get rid of Eren?” You can’t even say the word anymore. It hurts too much.

Levi studies you for a moment, tries to figure out why the sudden bleak question, but all he sees is anguish you can’t hide.

“If it came down to it,” he says but hesitates. “What else can we do? Why? Having doubts?”

“Whatever he’s doing, after all he’s done, he's still my friend, my comrade, and family.” You share with a sniffle. “If I regret then I will be miserable. But I’ve never had to fight against someone I really truly care about.”

Yes you fought against Reiner before when you learned of his betrayel, but this is different. Eren is different.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “But sometimes we have to make hard sacrifices for the better.” His voice goes quiet and his gaze flickers away. You don’t question him, you don’t have to, so you just sit there and linger in the silence.

You need comfort and help with much more but you made promises you can’t break. So as for now that’s all you’ll say.

However, that silence that had filled the room, is broken by the springs of the bed sounding as the mattress begins to move. When you lift your gaze you catch Levi getting up.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You snap at him as you jump to your feet.

“Getting out of this room,” he throws out like some senile old man. “I told you I’m done resting.”

You scoff and begin to follow behind him. “I promise I’ll come get you when we leave, you can—”

“Stop babying me, I…” he pauses and sighs. “I’m grateful, Cherry, but I can’t lay there anymore.” He opens the door of his room and begins walking out with struggle, but he still does it.

“It’s still crazy, you should still be in bed,” you keep reminding him and turn the hall with him, seeing the stairs coming up.

“So what?” He quips. “So you shits can forget all about me?”

You sigh and put your hands out behind him as begins to slowly descend the stairs. “No, we would never do that. You know that.”

He scoffs. “Besides that bearded bitch who passed out after her arm was broken is awake.”

Who is feeding him this information?

“And I’ll be damned if we don’t make her tell us where Eren’s going.”

Footsteps approach the stairs from below, and when you look down you see Armin. So if he’s here now that means the flying boat is in the hanger getting prepared for take off.

“What?” He gasps as his eyes go wide with worry. “What’s going on?” He tries to climb up, but stops when Levi shoots him a glare.

“He’s not listening, that's what is going on,” you remark and grab Levi’s arm to help him down the last step, whilst Armin reaches for his arm to do the same. Albeit Levi then swats both of you away.

“Stop, need I remind you I’m still your superior,” Levi throws out. “Being close doesn’t erase that. So stop trying to help me.”

He turns to head where Yelena is being kept, letting Armin and you share a concerned look before you both follow him to the room.

“I can say that Eren won’t be hard to spot considering who his travel companions are,” you comment.

“Well, we can’t waste fuel flying in blind,” Levi counters as he opens the door before Armin could.

As you walk in after Levi, you notice that Hange, Pieck and Lady Azumbito are already inside searching for the same information Levi is.

“Look at you,” Levi throws out to Yelena in disdain as she slouches in her seat. “You look pathetic now that your ape is gone.”

Yelena spares him a glance before looking back at the map. “Here,” she points to a spot on the map spread over the wooden table.

You pull the chair out for Levi and once he’s seated you lean over him to look.

“….Is most likely Eren's second target.”

“Fort Salta,” Pieck names before you could decipher the letters—“true. If he knew of the existence of weapons that had the slightest chance of harming the Founding Titan…”

“I expect that’s his next stop after Karifa Naval Port,” Yelena cuts Pieck off. “He’ll go destroy the airships.”

You sigh and lean back.

“You answered mighty obediently,” Levi interjects.

“I have a request for all of you,” Yelena shares and fists a handful of her blanket. “Please acknowledge something. Zeke was defeated. But he was right. The only solution to the two-millennium-spanning Eldian problem was the euthanization plan. I’m sure you can see that in the wake of this disaster.”

Even you have to admit that she’s right. As horrible as that alternative is for your future, for your peoples future, that plan would’ve been a thousand times better than what’s happening now.

“Yeah,” Hange agrees. “I admit it. I wasn’t able to show Eren any solution, or hope, or a future. I admit my powerlessness.”

You avert your gaze and quietly comment. “It’s not your fault. It seems he had made up his mind long before. Nothing to do now but stop him.”

Everyone stays quiet, but you know that they’re all in agreement.

“Anyway, if we’re done here,” you add on and walk around Levi’s chair to be in front of him. “Let’s get out of this room, yes?”

Levi narrows his glare on you for the way you speak to him, but he doesn’t argue this time considering there’s nothing left to do now that he has what he needs. Once you’re out in the hall he speaks up. “You should get some rest, Cherry, the flying boat won’t be ready soon, I’ll wake you up in the morning.”

You shake your head. “No. There’s things to do, like check my gear, I,” you sigh. “Can help them out there. Keep lookout.”

Hange pats your shoulder and contradicts you much to your liking. “Don’t worry your pretty head about that. We got that handled. But you haven’t slept since we left the forest, sleep, we’ll be around.”

Alone? Across the ocean? What if a Marleyean soldier sneaks in, what if colossal Titans come. You can’t possibly sleep now. So you turn them down again. “No. I’m okay. I can’t sleep.”

Hange turns their head to shoot you a pointed look, which is threatening for them considering when they look at you it’s never as serious. “Sleep, that’s a command. Levi will even accompany you.”

“Tsk.”

“I myself will come back and get you both. Swear.”

You look at Levi and then out the small circle windows on the wall of the ship to make sure that somehow someone isn’t looking in from outside. “Okay,” you whisper.

Hange shoots you a smile and a quick nod before they turn the hall and head out, leaving Levi and you to walk back to his room.

“Just,” you murmur once you walk in his room. “Leave all the lights on. And,” you add in a quivering voice. “Don’t leave.”

Levi meets your gaze to read your look, and doesn’t fail to see your utter terror that now haunts your eyes.

“Fine,” he agrees. “Just sleep though.”

You nod stiffly and sit on the edge of the bed to throw your boots off, climb in bed and try what they ask from you. Sleep. Which doesn’t actually long to take you under, your body and mind are exhausted so you fall asleep fast.

It’s peaceful, and for the first time in a long time it’s quiet.

At least it was for a moment because then a dream begins to infiltrate your mind. Albeit, this dream unlike the others is kind, sweet and nostalgic; you’re back home, not the barracks, home in that shitty apartment Underground.

You recognize the dirt street the moment the dream paints the picture. You recognize the damp dirt smell, you remember the fire lit street lights. It all looks so real, you even feel real, like somehow you got put there. But this time you aren’t young, you’re yourself, you’re even wearing your military uniform.

It’s scary real, but a relief from all the nightmares, the grief, pain, and destruction. You actually wish it was real….

Maybe the inside looks real too?

You break away from your spot and head to the house. And as you do, you then spot them through the window; Furlan and Isabel. They’re there, you see them talking and smiling. They’re home.

So quickly before any of it can disappear you break into a run and hurry home with a smile on your face, and tears in your eyes. When you make it to the door, you don’t knock, you just turn the knob and push the door in, seeing the candle lights travel out, and letting out the fresh smell of flowers that Levi liked to fill the house with so you wouldn't smell the stenches from outside.

You then walk in and expect to see Furlan and Isabel where they had been, but you then gasp and frown as you don’t see anyone, nothing but sudden darkness as all the lights go off.

“No,” you mutter and quickly turn to get out, but the door suddenly slams shut and even the lights from outside go off leaving you basked in pitch darkness. “No,” you breathe out, feeling even your breaths turn ragged whilst your heart and mind begins to race.

“My, my,” you hear a familiar voice taunt, “my Ackerman.” The doctor, you’d recognize his voice anywhere, anytime.

It’s just a dream though. It’s all a dream though, this is home. Home; comfort, relief, safe, nostalgic. It’s home.

It’s all just a dream.

You close your eyes to try to wake up and ignore the approaching footsteps. You lift your hand, and pinch your arm.

Hoping that worked you open your eyes—and now you see the room you were in before, you’re still on the ship. Levi isn’t here, but the lights are on, you’re okay. It’s all okay.

You let out a deep sigh and sit up to collect yourself.

“You thought you could run away, did you?” The voice cuts in again, making you snap your head up and look at the door. And there the doctor is walking in, no blood or injuries, just him and a straight jacket in his hand.

“No,” you snap out and crawl back to the wall. “Get away from me!”

He seems so real, he looks so real.

“Let’s go back home,” he says and begins to approach you. You try to crawl back more, but you then hit the wall and have nowhere else to go. “It’s where you belong.”

You shake your head and look up at the window, but it’s too small to escape out of.

“I said we’re going home!” He yells out and throws himself on the bed to grab your ankles.

You try to kick back, but he’s too strong he manages to pull you back.

“No!” You cry out and dig your nails on the matress. “No! Get away from me! I’m not going back! Let go! Let go!” He pulls you off the bed and then slaps his hands on your arms, making you jump and shut your eyes out of defeat.

“Y/N,” another voice mutters, and triggers something to break. “Y/N, wake up, open your eyes.” This voice is more soothing, this one is closer to you.

You shake your head and begin to cry. You can’t open your eyes out of fear that you wouldn’t see the man that’s calling out for you; Levi.

“You’re safe,” he whispers. “You’re safe. You’re with me. Cherry.”

You slowly peel your eyes open and see the bland ceiling, you move your fingers and feel the stiff mattress, not the cold floor. You’re afraid to turn your head, but you do it slowly and luckily see Levi with a worried look painted on his face.

“You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re not going back,” he assures you.

You let out a shaky breath and sit up to drop your head on your hands. Nothing changes now, he doesn’t leave either, he stays by you on the edge of the bed.

“I thought Hange and Mikasa were being dramatic,” he adds quietly. “I've never seen you like this.”

You sigh and lift your head to look at the white bland wall that brings nothing but more sadness. “It’s new, weird too. I can’t tell the difference between what’s real or not sometimes.”

“Can’t say I can offer much help with that, but you can ask me or anyone else,” he lets you know, causing you to blink and meet his gaze. “I’ll tell you.”

Tears fill your eyes and you nod slowly. “Okay,” you let out in a shaky voice. “Then can I ask one thing?”

Levi nods in agreement.

“This.” you whisper and avert your gaze. “War, we’re almost done. Is that real?” You drift your eyes back to him and wait.

Levi takes long to answer, but it’s not because he’s hesitant, it’s just hard. “Yes, one way or another, we’re almost done with all this shit.”

You let out a deep breath and nod. You want to just unload everything that Eren told you now that you’re sharing this moment with Levi, but you made a promise to Eren. One you’ll regret breaking if you do. And even if life has turned to shit, you can’t break that promise you made yourself about not regretting.

“Come on,” he encourages you and stands up off the bed. “Sun is rising, the flying boat is almost ready to go, we need to put on our gear.” He doesn’t hesitate to begin walking out, and you don’t take long to follow either. However, Levi does stop when you reach the end of the hall. “Clear your mind, Cherry, you can’t risk getting lost now. No matter how hard it is, don’t lose yourself in your mind, understand?”

“Yes,” you nod in agreement. “I understand.”

Levi opens the door, welcoming in the natural soft sunlight. “Good,” he says. “We need you. I do.”

You smile softly at that and can’t help but get all giddy. Even if it’s just a short moment.

The moment you make it to the ship's ramp your name is immediately called. “Y/N.”

You lift your head and land your gaze on Jean heading your way, so you smile even wider. He meets you halfway on the pier and immediately bombards you with concern. “You feeling okay? Did you get any sleep?”

Your small begins to falter and you shrug. “Some. What have you been doing?” You probe and walk towards the hanger by his side, noticing the gear he’s carrying in his hands. “Working hard?”

Jean smirks. “You know me.”

You scoff softly and nod before pointing to the gear. “Is that for me?” You meet his gaze and offer him a soft smile.

Jean glances down at it and nods. “Thought I could help you so as to not add strain on your wounds when you don’t need to.” He looks up and looks you in the eye, making you avert your gaze and tilt your head away to hide the scar on your face.

“You okay?” He asks without needing to be told anything, he knew by your look alone.

“Yeah,” you nod as you come to a stop so he can begin helping you. “Just tired…you know.”

Jean lets out a deep sigh and remains quiet as you know he stands there unconvinced. “You sure? You left in quite a hurry when you were so adamant on helping us.”

You meet his gaze and nod softly. “Yeah….” He can’t know. Him most of all.

Damn Eren.

“Okay,” Jean breathes out and finally begins to help you get your gear on. “Well you need to eat, so grab something after we’re done here.”

You hum in agreement and then let him help you get your gear on, you relish in his presence, find comfort in the warmth that radiates off him, and shiver at the feeling of his hands grazing your skin. However, as you’re holstering your weapons you catch your reflection on the metal, you catch a glimpse of the scar that ran from under your eyebrow up to your forehead, and all those blissful feelings disappear.

Out of all the scars you have on your body, this one on your face is the worst, not only because it’s hideous and ruins what you once cherished, but it’s also a ugly reminder of this war, of all the comrades you killed to get here, it’s the reminder of all the tragedy…

You let out a small sigh and holster your weapon, Jean steps back as he finishes helping you, and as you look ahead you catch the gaze of Reiner on you.

How long was he watching you? He looks like he has something to say from all the way over there too.

Was he watching you as you studied your scar?

Creep….

You look away first and focus on your boyfriend. “You need help?”

Jean shakes his head. “No, I got it. You grab something to eat.”

You offer him a sweet smile and nod, even if your appetite is lost. “Fine,” you mutter and begin walking past him.

Yet before you can leave his side, he grabs your wrist and pulls you to him to cup your cheeks and smile at you. “You look beautiful, you know that?” He says as if he knew what you were just being insecure about.

You sigh softly and offer him a wobbly smile.

Jean leans in and presses a gentle kiss on your lips before he murmurs against your lips. “We’re almost done here. For good this time. After that it’s just you and me. Just keep fighting, okay, sweetheart?”

Before you can dare to answer, Jean pulls you in for an embrace that immediately makes your chest feel heavy as tears fill your eyes.

Again, it’s like he can read your mind, you were in such desperate need of comfort that thinking of pulling away pained you. But you had to eat the dry ass ration food.

Once upon a time you actually liked eating them because it’s not something you had underground. It was a long time ago though, your tastes have changed, and this lack of appetite doesn't make this any more appealing.

“Hange!” You hear Onyankopon shout whilst you make your way to them after getting your food. “In about an hour, we can begin preparations for takeoff!”

“Got it!” Hange retorts and turns back around to face the group.

Once you finally reach them, they share their order so they wouldn't repeat themselves. “You heard the man. Each of you, inspect your gear.”

“Yes, Commander,” everyone agrees at the same time whilst they were all doing exactly that.

“Cherry,” Hange now directs at you. “You have everything handled?”

You swallow back the food in your mouth and nod. “Yeah. Jean helped me.”

“Good,” they nod.

Since jean said he didn’t need help, and the others can help themselves, you look to Levi to offer your help, but before you can even part your lips, you freeze as you notice his blade handle shaking as he’s trying to press the trigger with the two fingers he has.

He never was one to struggle before, not when you were a kid and not when you were above ground, so seeing hin strain, seeing that glimpse of his frustration as he tries hard to press that trigger, filled you with shock and pity.

“Two fingers is all I need,” he says as he finds the way to press the trigger. “I’m ready.”

He’d hate you feeling pity for him, so you shove all that away and let him be to continue eating. And since your friends are getting ready you stand back and wait for them to finish.

And just as they do finish, Hange and Connie yell out, “Annie!”

You shift your gaze to the boat and see her stopped by the ramp.

“Annie, take care!” Connie says.

Oh that’s right she’s leaving.

“See you later!” Hange tells Annie too as they wave at her.

You hold no grudges against her anymore so you shoot her a faint smile before you turn away again.

“To be honest,” Jean interjects. “I was relying on her.”

“But Annie has fought enough,” Connie adds, making you scoff.

“Haven't we all?” You counter and put the spoon in the can as you finally finish. “What makes her different from all of us? From her own comrades?” You ask.

Connie and Jean look at you and are unable to answer to your shocking response, so you continue.

“Nothing, that's what. She’s just running away, that’s just as bad as giving up,” you whisper that last part and break away from the pair to go sit on a wooden crate under the furious dawn painted sky.

You sit and hear them all in the hangar standing behind you, you find safety in hearing them work, hearing others talk as they eat, you sit and breathe in the fresh air, you sit and reach your hand out to watch the sunlight bask your hand. What would that little girl dreaming to come above ground think of you now? What would she think of the person you are now?

What do you think of yourself now?

So much comes to mind, but it’s hard to pick one specific thought.

“Taking in the sun, huh?” You hear someone interject behind you.

You pull your hand back to peer over your shoulder, spotting Pieck walking your way.

“While I still can,” you respond and watch her fall by your side. “It feels different when you’re not stuck behind walls.” You peer back to check if Reiner would be with her since it’s surprising to hear talk to you, but he’s not with her, he’s actually with the others. “Would you agree?”

Pieck nods. “I can actually say I can. It feels….hotter, richer, like it actually shines for you.”

You smile softly and nod. “Yeah.” You shift your glimpse to her and probe. “What about when you’re on Titan form? How does that feel?”

“Well being in Titan form feels liberating, for one,” she shares. “But when the sun hits I’d say it’s cold, like it doesn’t shine for me but the form I’m turned into. It’s perhaps one of the reasons why I don’t like being in Titan form for so long. I miss the sun.”

You smile down at your hands and retort after a moment of silence. “Well soon perhaps you won’t have to turn anymore.” You say and meet her gaze. “You won’t have to miss the sun.”

Pieck folds her arms over her chest and sighs. “You might be right. And from now on, regardless of the outcome with Yaeger, the walls won’t be a problem for you.”

You swallow thickly and avert your gaze to nod without actual sincerity because lately finding bliss under the suns light has been difficult.

“A month ago, in Marley,” Pieck interjects suddenly. “Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance? I heard I was only inches away from death, so why didn’t you?”

“Simple,” you don’t take long to answer. “I hesitated.” You begin fiddling with your fingers and let out a deep sigh. “And well—”

Yet you don’t get to finish what you want to tell her because the sound of bullets being shot from in the hanger steals your attention, and causes the both of you to run over. That’s when you see Floch at the other end of the hanger with a gun in hand. You then barely manage to catch Mikasa hastily shoot out her grapple as she zips forward to stab Floch right through the throat.

It doesn’t seem believable at first, like, where the hell did Floch come from? Has he been around the entire time, lurking?

Yet you know it is real because well, it’s just everyone’s shitty luck so far, two, by everyone’s startled and panicked reactions, and three, why wouldn't he try so hard to fight until the bitter end?

Not like his end actually bothers you. Not anymore, perhaps once you would have been affected by his death once, but now, after seeing what he did in the name of freedom, of what he wanted, you don’t care that Floch is dying. It’s why as Jean, Connie, Armin, Mikasa and Hange run over to his body, you instead run over to Onyankopon.

“Onyankopon!” You call out as you reach him lying on the floor with his hands over his head. “Are you okay?”

He doesn’t seem to have been hit in any way from what you can see, thankfully.

Said man lifts his head and sits up on his knees, letting you grab his arm to help him to his feet. “You okay?” You ask again and examine him for any sign of fresh blood.

Onyankopon studies himself and shakes his head. “No,” he breathes out shakily. “No. I’m fine. Thank you.”

You let him go and offer him a nod.

“The flying boat,” he interjects and runs past you, making you turn to watch him approach it and check it out for any new defects. And since he’s blocking your view, you walk to where Levi is under the hanger to look at the flying boat better.

Alas, that’s when you catch the sight of bullets on the flying boat. Yet you don't know where exactly.

“Hange!” Onyankopon yells out when he notices the same thing. “There are holes in the fuel tank!”

Your breath catches in your throat as your eyes widen.

“We can’t fly like this,” Onyankopon says.

“Don’t lose hope,” one of the Azumabito tells him when he approaches Onyankopon. “If we cover the holes, we can make it work!”

“Get the wielding tools!” Someone else orders their comrade.

You get closer to the flying boat and squint your eyes on the damaged part, and even if they’re small little holes, they still did enough damage.

“How much will it take?” You ask the men out of curiosity.

“With tin plates, we could do it in an hour, barely,” a man answers you.

An hour? No, that's too long. Way too long.

Yet before you, or Hange right beside you can rebuttal, the ground beginning to shake steals all the words out of your mouth, and the breath out of your throat.

It can’t be…

“This sound,” Hange mutters.

“Don’t tell me,” Reiner yells out before he runs out of the hanger.

You stand there frozen in your spot feeling the ground tremble beneath your feet, hearing the echoes of loud stomps on the ground hit like lightening. There was supposed to be more time, you were supposed to have more time!

You snap from your stupor and run out to join the others outside, catching the thick clouds of smoke that already cover the horizon. You swear you can already feel the heat too, but maybe that’s just an exaggeration. The one thing you do feel is more shock and fear as you now see the titans marching your way.

“Armin,” Mikasa interjects through the shocked silence that was spread over your group. “Do you have any ideas?”

“Only one,” he says. “I stay behind and slow them down.”

One of your greatest friends, and best assets to ending this war? No. Hell no, not him. Going out there means certain death, everyone knows that; everyone has to.

“It can’t be you,” Reiner quickly rebuttals. “You’re our sole trump card for stopping Eren. I’ll do it.”

“And I’ll help,” you volunteer without a single doubt; you’re fast, and whether you want to admit or not you do make a good team. He’ll need you.

“What?” Jean quickly protests and grabs your shoulder. “It can’t be you!”

You snap your head back and part your lips to argue, but Hange then cuts you off as she joins the group. “That’s obviously not the play. We can’t afford to expend another shred of Titan power, or lose Ackerman strength. I’m the one who led you this far.”

No….

“And we killed many friends and comrades to get here,” Hange continues. “I'm taking responsibility for that.”

Not them either. It can’t be them either….

“Armin Arlelt,” they add and walk past you to reach said man. “I hearby designate you the 15th Commander of the Scout Regiment. The position calls for a certain quality. A mindset of continuously pursuing understanding. There’s no one more suitable than you. I leave everyone in your hands. Well, that’s that. See ya, everyone.” They just throw it out as if nothing. As if they aren’t sacrificing their lives!

“Wait,” you whisper, but it’s not loud enough.

“Ah, yes,” Hange adds one last thing. “Levi’s your underling now, so really put him to work.” They continue to walk down the pier with nothing else to add, with nothing to tell you, not even a glance to the other scout they’ve known the longest, the one person they raised. Hange just walks off.

“Wait!” You yell out and walk a few steps forward.

Hange comes to an immediate stop but doesn’t look back. “Don’t make this hard Cherry-girl.” They say to the air. “You can’t stop me, you know you can’t. It’s for your own good. For everyone’s own good. I’m giving my heart.”

You shake your head and swallow back thickly the lump that begins to form in your throat. “Let me come,” you plead softly. “Let me help you. Let me give my heart and give you a chance to see this through. Please,” you beg and take another step towards them. “You deserve to see this through. Please…”

Hange shakes their head. “I told you that I can’t spare Ackerman strength. It has to be me and me alone. Leave on that flying boat that’s an order.”

An emotional weight falls on your chest that makes it ache, and a tight sharp grip wraps around your heart that makes it bleed as you know that there's nothing you can do to change their mind.

“Please,” you plead one more time in a shaky voice.

Hange exhales and keeps their back turned. “I said no. Who would I be if I let you come with me? Huh? Fight and live your life for me, for all those we lost, okay? Promise me.”

As to not break their own heart by not responding, you nod. “I promise,” your voice breaks.

Hange nods and then continues to walk away, only stopping to share a few words with Levi that you can’t hear over the pounding of your own heart, over your own disbelief that begins to fall more and more each second.

You don’t even want to accept their….sacrifice though, the fact that you’ll never see them again. You try to play it off as some silly dream, a cruel dream actually. You close your eyes and open them again in hopes it is just a stupid dream, but no the titans are still approaching, and now they’re actually flying off. They’re leaving….

You can’t deny it no more.

“No!” You cry out and try to run out after them. You lift your gun to shoot your grapple to chase after them, but before you can get far with Armin, Mikasa and Jean who run after them down the pier, arms then wrap around you and stop you. “No!” You fight them off through thick and hot tears. “Let me go! Hange! Hange!” You call out and try to desperately reach out for their retreating figure getting smaller and smaller in the sky, but those strong arms stop you from moving.

“Hange!” You cry out as loud as you can so you can they hear you, even if you yourself can’t see them anymore with the cloud of tears that cover your eyes. “Hange!”

“You can't stop them,” you recognize Reiner’s voice. He’s the one who’s holding you. “You have to let them go.”

You shake your head and sob out, you grow weak by the fact that your heart was shattering more and more. So weak in fact that you can’t even hold your weight so you fall to your knees, and Reiner falls with you.

“Please,” you mewl out even if they can’t hear you anymore.

You then wipe your eyes to try and see them fight off the Titans, but Reiner then holds the back of your neck and turns your head away so you wouldn't see.

Which is actually good, you probably couldn’t see their last moments, you couldn’t be strong enough to watch them…die. So since Jean isn’t here and Connie is too captivated by Hange’s fight, you clutch onto Reiner and bury your face on his shoulder, and keep crying out for yet another lost comrade, friend, and family. You just play the memories you share with them over and over again, you just hear the sounds of the titans falling, but don’t look.

“It’s sealed!” You hear someone shout from the hangar. “Start fueling! Hurry! Hurry!”

“Come on,” Reiner mutters and begins to pull you back. “Let’s get you on the flying boat.” He grabs your arm to help you up, and without holding your anger, your hate or grudge against him you let him help you back to your feet. You let him walk you to the flying boat, and let him help you inside so you could keep not seeing and only hearing.

“They’re right on top of us,” someone shouts. “There’s no more time for fueling! Start the engine!”

Losing comrades, friends, family should be dealt with ease now since you’ve experienced so much loss in your time of living. Knowing death, feeling its vast emptiness every time it takes someone else shouldn’t hit you as hard, but after losing them your grief only gets worse and worse each time. This time you can’t even handle that sharp ache that radiates all over your chest, you can’t even feel your heart.

“Push through fuselage forward!”

They push the flying boat out of the hanger, you see the light hit you, but you keep your eyes averted from the small windows to avoid seeing them die.

“Launch the ship!”

And with those last words shouted out Jean is the last one that jumps in before the door closes behind him, blocking that tragic view, that last view you could’ve had of Hange. The boat then flies off and you close your eyes and rest your head on Levi’s shoulder to not watch your own friend's grief. Not this time. You can’t even handle your own.

“So long, Hange, watch us,” Levi mutters to himself.

You stay quiet and just assure yourself of one last thing, Hange was a hero, a brave hero who gave their heart. You will too.

.

.

.

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Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow @stareatceiling @padfootii @ravensleepyeyes @thanosisadilf @dawneee @babyyblueey @leahseclipse @ifimnotabushimnoone @luvelyxp @ameliabs-world

[inqilabi]

I’m kind of surprised you started dating a lot more and are open to Islam recently, you’re one of the reasons I stopped entirely, which neither is a wrong thing to do. It’s kind of hard to do it alone but I just prioritized friendships in the time I’ve been following you. Which actually is closer to 10 years now I think, definitely since way before the pandemic. Anyway it’s just been on my mind to send this ask for a while now, you seem so successful that when I get to be where you are I know I’ll be even less interested in marriage and dating, but I guess that’s also a plus for you since you said you want kids. Good luck with it all, It’s great you were able to reconcile yourself and Islam, I’ve never felt like religion could be fulfilling, especially when you have views on gender and politics that go again the core tenants of a patriarchal religion. But I can see how the immediate community has its appeal and people are judged overly harshly when they don’t conform to societal and gender expectations of be a woman/man then have a partner/kids, and it’s not like there aren’t other good things too. Anyway I’m glad I followed you when I did because I got a new perspective and it made me more of a brave, accountable person, I’m not really afraid of being lonely and I can take accountability for my wrongs too, knowing that socialization is so deep I need to think about why and what I’m doing. You a few other people impacted me so deeply when I was 16 and trying to leave my parents home

wow this is a very sweet message. But almost makes feel scared that i had an impact on impressionable young teens I dont think my views on Islam have changed, certainly not as much as my view on dating. I still have the same criticisms of sunni jurisprudence. I think i just have less of exposure to that community now as i did back in the day, and it just use to rile me up. I was just angry, justifiably so, and wanting to dismiss everything - and it showed up in the tone of my writing.

I mean i still can't go around muslim events saying the things i actually believe. Sunni jurisprudence is undeniably patriarchal. But so long as they aren't like getting very preachy, doing halaqas and sermons on how to oppress women, im okay. In my uni days, MSAs were actually doing exactly that. That's why i was so critical. But i see now this type of thing seems to be dying down, atleast in my area. i dont find religion fulfilling but i do find likeminded people fulfilling. I still associate more with like academic type folks who either research religion, anthropology, write critiques. I went to a party full of marxists the other day. I didnt agree with everyone there. But i suppose, its discussion that's fulfilling. And sometimes muslim community and gathering can be very dismissive and not receptive to discussion. Which is a shame because in the islamic golden age, that's all they were doing.

i was honestly planning to be alone, and my plan was to solo adopt a kid if i wanted a child. I felt this way all the way up until like summer of 2022. then something did change. and i didn't want to be alone. if you had asked the 2013-2022 version of me, i would have balked at the thought of me wanting a partner. I was almost proud of it. Proud of being a single unattached woman with no men in her life. I suppose the only thing I can say now is that it's very hard to predict how and what you will feel and want at some point in the future. I was certain that I wouldn't want companionship and kids. Half my blog was dedicated to it. And that is kind of scary. I actually wrote about this on my blog back in the fall of 2022. It scared me how much something had shifted so suddenly, something that was a such long held state. If that could change, what else could change?

At your age, i would say prioritize career first ofc/financial freedom etc. If you dont have that, you wont feel ready for anything else. And ofc keep expanding your friend circle and forming connections through local activities or travel.

[melissa-titanium]

hello! i just wanted to tell u abt your most recent text post, i really relate to what you said about trying very hard to change and be able to let people in, to allow yourself to get closer to people and form connections, and yes is so very hard and frustrating, and you said something that really caught my attention, about like it not being like this forever because to stagnate is a thing you chose deliberately, and idk it made me think a lot because its true! it wont be like this forever, if you are trying to change and choosing to do so it wont be like that forever, its pretty hopeful i think! (anyway sorry for all the rambles! feel free to ignore this ask if its got too personal!! aa hope you have a wonderful day/night! :])

(textpost in question)

DUDE. no omg dont apologize at all this means so much :))) im glad to see that people relate to my words, it helps knowing i'm not alone in my experiences hehe.

YES!!! YES!!! even to TRY is a monumental achievement, because getting up off the ground when you've been knocked down so, so many times is difficult. it's infuriating when your knees sometimes buckle, when you lose your breath, when you sometimes feel like it was better on the ground. to try is not giving up, and not giving up is incredible in of itself.

i always thought i was the most jealous person i knew until people told me about their experiences with jealousy. i always thought i was rude, overbearing, too familiar with people i'd just met - and i still can be, everyone can be, but after months and months of being told otherwise, the idea of being maybe better than i think of myself is able to familiarize itself in my brain.

if i have gotten better, it's easier for me to understand that everyone can get better if they a) accept that they need help b) get that help c) work to improve themselves on their own terms. i haven't mastered all of these things, but honestly, after 14 years of unmedicated mental illnesses and inescapable contact with my abusive caretaker, who would right away? it takes time to heal, and it takes incredible strength to be patient enough with yourself to do so.

[fortheloveofpiggy]

ANYWAYS LESS SERIOUS THINGS

GUYS THE NEW HOG REWORK IS SOOOO COOL YIPPEE ITS GONNA BE SO FUN

Okay I can’t say for sure it’s gonna be perfect BUT I think it will be AND also I’ll give my full review after playing him tomorrow but so far here’s my thoughts as ROADHOG HIMSELF

Click that button mate ⤵️⤵️

My thoughts on the gun:

I wish it was mixed not just projectile. Like half hitscan half projectile but it’s not TOO bad

My thoughts on take a breather:

This is such a better way of handling take a breather then before- but a few complaints specifically that cyx also brought up.

1. You can’t tank dva bomb anymore. Which is gonna be annoying and honestly kinda just isn’t lore accurate to roadhog. He survived the omnium blowing up but can’t survive dva bomb 🤨 but it’s not too big of a deal

2. The recharge time is 12 seconds which is literally so long holy shit. An idea on how to fix that: Maybe if you deal damage it could go up faster? Idk it would be cool

My thoughts on hook being unchanged:

Perfect. I’m so glad they didn’t

My thoughts on ult being unchanged:

Idrc tbh hogs alt can either be completely useless or game saving it’s really hit or miss and in general I think keeping it was a good call

My thoughts on pig pen:

This isn’t what I was expecting at all but tbh, it sounds great! It’s gonna really help make him someone to be feared again. Im really curious on how you will be able to combo his hook and pigpen. I think it’s genuinely really really exciting. And I think it also helps bring his identity closer into his relationship with junkrat because now they literally have matching moves how cute is that?? Yeah

My thoughts on community reaction:

Some people hate it some love it and that’s okay. I understand a lot of the talk on both sides. Except two arguments against it that I’m gonna unpack

1. “Now roadhog is gonna be op!!” Yeah about time!! Do you know how long it’s been since he has been good? It’s been too long. Now he’ll actually have a chance against his counters which before playing against an Ana or Orisa could be game ruining for hog mains especially people trying to get into the character

Honestly I thought I was a good hog already but with this rework people gonna fear me >:)

2. “This isn’t even a rework just gave him a new ability!!” What? Okay so just because they kept two abilities the same it’s not a rework? They changed two of his things significantly (gun and take a breather) and gave him a new ability. That is a rework of I’ve ever seen one, but I mean okay?

Final thoughts before I get to play it,

Prepare for your worst nightmare. The hog mains are back!!!

[lunicho]

i spent an arm and a leg.. but my family helped me out cuz my birthday is in june.. i feel very grateful but it did make me feel nauseous to spend that money but there’s sooo much that comes with the vip, at least imo normal stuff i think?? like check in, first entry, the keepsake lanyard and stuff and then access to merch BUT u also get soundcheck, send off, and a limited edition gift (whatever that means) buttt my bias is wooyoung and i really really want to meet them i think it’d be so nice to just say hi to them and if i can, take a selfie with woo and then get something like a photocard signed😭 i also think i’ll still be closer on the floor than i would be in a seat even if i’m a bit further back and it’ll be fun to experience the concert with so many other atinys rather than by myself in my seat :(

i think 82major might come to a city even closer to me because a lot of groups with smaller companies have been touring there recently so i’m really excited about that too!! thank u sm yeah i’m excited, i cried a little but i just felt silly too cuz i bought another ticket first (i will def be able to sell it) but like the vip stuff wasn’t loading and i was trying to convince myself i didn’t need it😭😭😭

sigh.. what’s new with you? i know you have a lot of events coming up in the next few weeks, how’re you feeling about those? have you decided on riize?

- 🍑 anon

aww that's super sweet!! be sure to stop by on your bday so i can wish u a super super super happy b'day!! im glad you're able to go and i hope they organize your send off well so that you're able to have a fair experience! wishing u so so much luck 🫶

ooh that's so fun they better go there! im literally so excited to see them it's not even funny 😭 can't wait to hear about all of your interactions with seongbin once their con comes 🙏🏾 i had that happen to me 😭 i ended up buying two different tickets before buying new ones for enha last year but i was luckily able to sell it on concert day! im glad u got vip regardless, im so so happy for u 🫶 have you started planning your outfit yet!!

currently planning my trip to la for riize 😞 i wanna spend the smallest amount as i possibly can so yeah... i am gonna end up going to riize 💔 im a little stressed about it all cuz txt on the 18th... riize on the 20th.. it's a lot but i wanna go so im gonna make it work! im trying really hard to do as many fun things as i can this year cuz i never do anything fun or anything worth talking about so im trying to live this year to the fullest!!

[mosviqu]

BAR I'M LITERALLY SO FUCKING SORRY ALL THIS TIME I WAS THINKING YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS ON THE 18TH FOR SOME REASON AND I CHECKED MY NOTES APP RIGHT NOW AND SAW IT WAS THE 14TH IM GENUINELY SO SO SO SORRY FOR NOT WISHING YOU ON TIME 💔💔💔

Please accept this apology because I literally have beef with my memory :(( Congratulations on turning 21 !! I hope this year is a year full of blessings, good health and easy for you from the bottom of my heart !! You've been a great friend to me for as long as we've known each other and helped me out SO much through my rough times, and if not helpful, I hope to become someone who you can share your worries with without hesitation. I'm really really sorry for not wishing you on time, and I sincerely apologise for all the times I've hurt you with my words. You're a very kind and pretty soul who deserves MANY MANY MANY good things in the world!! Whenever I open my jewelrybox I see the two bracelets I made for you, and I'm going to keep them with myself till I'm actually able togive them to you one day!! I have much more to say but I really can't put them into words. I really home you reach closer to your dreams this year and even if hardships come your way, I hope you endure them with ease (?) because you're actually a very very strong woman. I'm glad we've been friends for over a year now and I miss and love talking to you SO SO much <333

I love you with every fibre in my body meri jaan <3

ITS THE 16TH ACTUALLY BUT ITS OKAY AHAHAH!! do not worry about it <3 you did wish me on time, it was still my bday in my timezone when i received this🤍

thank you so so much for everything, for your kind words and our laughs and for sticking with me for so long. i enjoy our conversations a lot and you mean the world to me, forever my little sister <3 i am bad with expressing gratitude but know that this made me smile and feel very loved. i hope we can stay friends for a very very long time. i love you mwah !!

[tonberry-yoda]

Hi, when you get the chance I would love a romantic Overwatch matchup!

I go by they/them but I'm pronoun apathetic with a dislike for feminine terms, omnisexual with a preference for more masculine presenting people

I can be pretty chill but I have severe ADHD and all those not so fun little quirks, once I am passionate about something I am deep in that interest for a while, I'm the therapist friend but I would really like someone to comfort me after everything is said and done, a lot of self doubt but to others I seen pretty confident and outgoing, I'm often found listening to music (I'm all over the place with genres so here's my playlist if you'd like to take a look💕 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4jN2o9ifTehuehJHauYgIg?si=Lw70wjgOQ4-HTlVOLIcK4A&utm_source=copy-link ) , I'm very clingy and physically affectionate but I also love giving thoughtful gifts that are handmade most of the time cause I love crafts and little projects.

If you have the time it be really cool if you could make a mini fic for my matchup

Thanks again for letting me know requests were open!

omg hi!!!! im so glad you could get a request in and of course!! i really wanted you to get your matchup in here because i never get overwatch requests lol. I think I have a great character for you though it took a lot of deciding lmaooo

the character I chose for you is...

TRACER!!

you both have almost the same energy, however, she is a little more hype

you both have ADHD (at least im pretty sure she does, i dont know if it was confirmed though) and are able to relate and actually help each other when things get really rough

she presents herself in a very masculine way through her outfits and hair, so I thought it would be perfect!

she loves to listen to you when you get hyperfixated on something

literally had heart eyes when you start going on and on about something you love

she will go to you for comfort when she is feeling down or just outright exhausted, but she will 100% be there for you too listening to everything you need to tell her

she will hype you up all the time telling you how good you look or how amazing you are and it makes you blush and makes you 10x more confident

if you make her a handmade gift, she will cry because it means so much to her

please be clingy because she's the same way and you two will literally be hugging everywhere lmao

just know that she loves you and will care for you all the time

and per your request, here is a little fic :)

MINI FIC

"I'm tired," you heard Tracer's iconic British accent as she walked into the room, her hair a complete mess. "y/n, hold me."

She blipped over to you and fell into your arms as you giggled, falling on the couch behind you. "Tracer, babe, you could give me some warning next time before you teleport into my arms." But you hugged her anyway, pulling her closer into your lap. "Long day, babe?"

Tracer just nodded into your chest, holding you close like you could run off at any second. "Tired."

Her voice was muffled in your chest, so you just ran your fingers in her hair, feeling her fall asleep.

"I love you, Tracer." You said under your breath, kissing her on the forehead.

"Love you too." Tracer's sleepy voice said, her eyes still closed with a smile.

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda