#in the face of a community where most of its members are still young and js trynna have fun no less

[necroixe]

@ younger creepypasta fans, don't be worried about sharing what you make for the fear of people finding issue with it for existing. We like your art for what it is, and encourage you to keep making it, because that's what the core of being an artist is. The ability to write, draw, create, whatever it is that drives you, and literally nobody ever can take that away from you. Those kids with the shitty stories and self inserts built a fandom from the ground up, wrote and drew their characters just because they wanted to. If you don't care for it, make your own art, or move elsewhere.

The quote in anton's original post is incomplete, so here’s a better one— "find what you love, and let it kill you."

[lizsos]

Do I ?

Summary : team BEBE joins sfw2 bada cant help but notice how all the leaders are falling for you so she starts to question herself if she likes you

Genre : fluff , smut

g!p bada x reader

Your Aren't the youngest in team bebe .

Heck , your basically older than most of the girls except bada. It was your personality that made people think your younger than your actual age . You easily lit up any room with your cheerful and bubbly mannerism .

Bada always thought that her teammates are cute babies that she had to take care of ,but you in particular were different than the rest of the girls . Where she takes the role of an older sister for the rest of her members .

It was strange for her, team Bebe is a new team . It started with her gathering some students that she thought were fit for joining the competition . Were she , Lusher and Tatter were close because of their joined proformance for Kai , and the others were students from her classes , y/n was chosen to join the group because Young J recommend her to Bada .

At first Bada was skeptical, the girl looks very merk and shy , she saw her a couple of times talking with other members of Just Jerk while passing . But she didn't really believe that the girl is actually one of the famous instructors there .

But the moments that Bada joined one of her class , she was blown away

The girl can dance for sure

Compered to her innocent and cute looks , her dance was the complete opposite . Every move and every step that she takes looks very sensual and seductively. It makes her heart clench for a second then it recovers . That felt weird for her . She didn't know how to explain it but she knew she was in completely and utterly captivated by the sight in front of her .

The rest is history for them . After she finished gathering the rest of the members, the girls became very close quickly, some of them already knew each other from dancing classes together .

Bada is the playful and strict leader . Meanwhile Lusher took the role of the sub-leader who was always there to fill bada's shoes whenever she has some business anywhere . Tatter ,kyma , and cheche are the energisers and sowoen is the quite maknae , that leaves y/n as the team bebes unofficial maknae .

Why do you say that ? Well since you're a very clingy individual, you are always seen at least clinging onto someone thg you trust . So its normal to see you hugging while talking to the girls your smile itself can easily brighten up the room and its not rare to see you listening to the girls ramble , always with bright smile on your face . The girls really did adore you .

Bada wasn't an exception . Youw ere particularly clingy to her since she was older and she seems to like taking care of you . She sometimes buys you food or even takes you home whenever your practice runs late .

The girls had a suspension that their leader had a crush .

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This was enough proof that the work payed off , cuz team bebe were invited to join Mnet newest dancing show . They finally have the chance to join the biggest dancing show in Korea and prove themselves , both to the dancing community and also the rest of the world .

Entering the fight zone , the members of the team bebe is actually the first team to enter . Sounds of excitement and amazement filled the big room , when team bebe enters , The stage has really improved compared to season 1 .

Bada walks in with y/n latched to her arms . Looking around in awe at the view in front of her , their team banner hanging on top of the wall .

"This looks really fun right ?" Y/n whispered to badas ears , slightly tugging downwards to actually be able to whisper to her .

Bada smiles in response, her heart with that same feeling again , the feeling that she still can't figure about, she shrugs it , and focuses on the younger girl gesture and expression.

Not long after the screen infornt of them turns on , playing what seems to be other teams commentary of team bebe .

"They're just bada copycats"

"Being badas student is their career"

"If they don't watch it , it'll start and end with bada "

This comment continued coming from each team , that lead to the members faces immediately turning sour after hearing the statements of other teams .

Even y/n has a frown on her pretty face .

They glanced at her before going to their designed seat . Sowoen ,Cheche,Kyma and minah on the second bleacher while Lusher , Tatter , y/n and bada on the front . Team bebe shows their frustration at being bad mouthed. All of them being quite .... awfully quite

" don't worry guys ... we'll prove them wrong right?" A bright voice rang out of y/n grinning at them , trying to lift up the mood . Grabbing the banner from badas head and waving it at them . After seeing that they have cheered up , she goes to put it back badas head , not forgetting to pat it lightly making the leader smile a little at the sweet gesture .

Soon after , the rest of the teams began to come one by one . And seats being finally complete, the door in the stage coming out of it kang Daniel. The room breaks into cheers after seeing the legendary hosts of the show .

"Whahh ..... two seasons in a row" somone from the crowd said .

"Its finally starting" . Another one said

"Hello . Welcome to Mnet original show ,Street Woman Fighter 2 . I'm your host Kang Danial , now let's welcome the judges for this season "

Monika of PROWDMON , monsta X shownu , and Mike songz of Kinjaz came out and went to their seats. Cheers could be heard throughout the room, each member fangirling over the judges .

Y/n wasn't an exception . When monika was called , she screamed as load as she can making the rest of team bebe shocked never have they seen her scream this load .

" I LOVE YOU MONIKAAA!" Her screams can be heard by everyone there .

Bada feels a small burn of jealously burn through her , never actually seeing the younger girl being g this excited over someone else before . "Ive had the biggest crush on her ever since I watched season 1 " y/n excitedly tells her members "its a dream to be able to see her in real life . Someone please pinch me"

Her last comment made her recive a pinch on her side , courtesy of Tatter excited to be able to annoy the older girl

"Owww... it hurts " y/n pouted .

"Well you asked for it . I just followed your order " Tatter gives her unnie a teasing grin.

After sometime they were finally given a break time to change into their clothes into a more battle appoprite .

Following her members to their waiting g room, y/n walks with bright smile, now hugging tatter , as she tries to annoy her for actually pinching her before.

Bada just walks behind the rest fo her members, happy that hey are in this together. She can't think of joining this show with other people.

They have finally finished changing and finishing up their makeup ,and now they were making their way back to the fight zone . Y/n was wearing a simple outfit consisting of a light blue baseball Jersey with a crop top underneath it and a white cargo pants , trying to show off her team color.

"The first battle is the (No respect) battle of the weakest" kang Daniel announced. He then began to explain the rules for the battle , making some of the girls look at their own no-respect sticker , wondering who gave them that .

"First to battle is 1 million redy"

Redy than comes out of her seat going around each teammfor a quite some time , knowing that her comments during the first video has really offended team bebes leader .

"The first person that I have no respect for is Bada from team bebe" redy said , moving towards team bebe section . Hearing that bada immediately stands up from her seat quite pissed at redy . The rest of the girls stood up from their seats to hype up their leader .

"I don't respect you that's it " redy shrugged , both of them facing each other ? "Not redy ... but soo Bin ! You're still an eight grader to me " bada snapped back ,hearing her respond the other teams scream hypes for the battle knowing the history between them .,

"Redy began to dance , her body moving along the rather of the song ,bada just looked at her while smirking , nothing how redy uses the same moves as before. She thought that this was going to be an easy since her opponent hasn't really improved from their younger days .

After redy stopped dancing , the music began to change . Bada stared to dance she walks over to redy , pointing out their obvious height difference and a form of taunting . Seeing her moves , the girls began to scream loving the confidence that bada has . A certain girl from bebe has become shy in particular, seeing another side of her leader as she saw her grind the air and showcasing sexual moves, a permanent blush seems to stuck on her face .

After bada finished dancing , she glanced at her team , notching one of them seems to blushing , smirking inside , she went to stand again inthe center of the stage waiting for her battle result

"Judges card open"

The three judges open their cards to show a 3 blue cards for team bebe insinuating that the Leader has won the battle . Team bebe began to scream in excitement when bada arrives at her spot , Tatter goes to put the Winner badge on their board , while bada goes to put the loser badge on 1 millions board .

The rest of the battle then continues with some them being drama-heavy . It wasn't long before y/n eard her name being called out to enter the fight zone . Tackimg the mic she decided to walk around , looking at the people around her ,whispers could be heard among the contestants,. "Shes really pretty she could pass as an idol " Capri whispers to Biggy . The girl nodding to her comment , not believing that there are a lot of pretty girls this season .

"She looks cute . I wonder how she will dance " Kirsten said to the members of jam Republic . "Yeah , she has the same vibe as Audrey, sweet and innocent " ling nodded agreeing to her . "Its rare to see you invested babe" ling said as she nudged kirsten. "What ?? No , I'm just curious about her I havent seen her dance yet " Kristen trys to defend herself "hmm .... sure , whatever helps you sleep at night" latrice decided to join in .

Their gaze simultaneously drifted to you when they hear you talk .

"The dancer that I don't have respect for is Chocol" y/n called out , making the room shout in surprise . "Waaaaa . No way ! I know I have no guts to call someone out from WolfLo " harimu screamed

"She really has some guts " mina myoung nodded at the small girl sitting next to her .

Chocol then nodded and got inside the battle zone , nodding to the younger girl " its not that I don't respect you unnie , I heard alot about you so I wanna see for myself " y/n said " Well I won't disappoint you then " chocol winked at her playfully making the younger girl blush , suddenly felling shy from the girls charm

Standing up to try getting a clearer view of her battle , bada silently watches the scene infront of her , the rest fo the bebe girls decided to follow along their leader to the side of the stage to watch their favourite member.

"Ready ? Fight ! " kang Daniel said . The music starting right after .

Chocol get to dance first she lets her body move along the beat . Her style was bery groovy and relaxed compered to the other dancers that she saw previously . Y/n just standed at the side watching seriously, face flat , trying to cover her excitement at seeing chocol cool moves . Without realising it , y/n is surprised that chocol is moving forward , body moving closer to her . Suddenly the both of them are face to face , h/n tried to step back , her body moving on its own . Chocol just smiles at her and blows a kiss her before moving back to the center and doing a flashy move before the timer runs out

Y/n is left there in surprise. Cheeks redder than tsubakill colo , trying to hide her face with her hands . The music then changed and she prepared herself . Removing her hands from her face , her expression immediately changed from its previously embarrassed state to looking cold and fierce .

As angles of Tibet by Amaarae started playing she began to jump a little

( your preformance )

You began to make your hips to the rythem hitting every beat , hips moving . Your gaze remained fierce , not giving any fucks to your surrounding , while staring at Chocol with cold eyes. Surprising the crowd around her , not expecting the bubbly shy girl to be dancing this way looking intimidating. She continued her dance with passion shaking her ass at chocol at the end . "Three two one . Battle over " Daniel said into the mic .

Y/n then stopped her movement. Throwing her gaze to her team who are screaming at her excitedly waving their arms to cheer her one . Both she and chocol move to the center waiting for the battle result . "Judges card open " danila announced.

The shy girl , covers her face with her hands , anticipating the result of her battle . The judges then open their cards showing all thee blue cards . The girl gasped in shock not believing she's able to beat such a strong dancer. Especially one that's really hard to beat .

"Y/n really surprised me . To be honest I wasn't really expecting much at the begging , but after seeing her dance I've stared to wonder how come I've never seen her before . Your moves are really fun to watch especially the details in it and the power behind it ." Monika said

"It was a really close battle to be honest " Mike started " y/n really showed us that unique kind of dance that is rarely done and even Chocol showed us the basics of hiphop and how not everyone can pull it off "

Y4n bowed to the judges after hearing their comments , happy and shocked at the same time after listening to the results she goes to face Chocol who smiled at her "its a pleasure to battle with you" y/n bowed

"Its a Pleasure to be dancing with such a beautiful and talented women " Chocol winked and went to hug her placing her arms around the girls waist . Surprised at the unexpected gesture , y/n just squeaked in response and after sometime she goes to uwarp her arms away from the girls neck . Their hug ended. And the girls went back to their teams , one with a smirk on her face and the other one why a shy redded face and a shy smile .

Upon getting closer ,team members wore a teasing smirk on their faces , ready to bully the shy older girl . What she didn't notice is one face that frowning and glaring at the figure of the wolflo members .

Yah, Unnie, what is that?" Tatter exclaimed at the girl in shock. Not believing her eyes that her shy and small unnie can dance that sexy. "And the hug too, are you perhaps flirting with Chocolunnie?" Minah added, gazing questioningly at the girl in front of her. This seems to make the leader frown deepens upon hearing

the younger girl question, questioning herself ( Do i like y/n ?)

"What? No!" Y/n denied the accusation immediately, crossing her arms into an X to further prove her point. "It's just heat of the moment I'm sure.' They goes back to their respective seat. Y/n choosing to cling to Lusher, seeing as the girl hasn't made a move to tease her. After watching battle after battle, they are finally done with filming for today. The teams are going to their waiting room and preparing to go back home, tired after a long day of filming.

The girls of Bebe follow along, moving up the stairs and walking to their room, chatting quietly along the way. After resting and packing their bags, the girls all walk together outside. Their steps are soon stopped by a silver-blonde haired girl that calls Y/n, "Hey, Y/n right?" Kirsten approached the Bebe group. "Huh? Yeah, hi, nice to meet you" Y/n replied in English. "Im Kirsten, nice to meet you guys!" she cheerfully introduced herself to the rest of Bebe, "Anyways, I'm realy surprised with your dance move earlier and would like to congratulate you for winning that battle, it's definitely a cool battle to watch" Kirsten complimented.

The shh said girl blushed after hearing her comments, not used to being praised, especially by a very talented dancer. "Ah, not really, I'm really glad that you enjoyed the battle. Your battle is really cool too, I want to learn your dance style for sure," she complimented, giving Kirsten bright smile to support her statement. "Haha... thank you for your compliment. I'll make sure to teach you some move in the future" "Well, I'l be going now, see you later guys!" Kirsten waved to the rest of the Bebe girls and blowing a kiss to Y/n "Bye pretty!"

The girls immediately teased Y/n after Kirsten figure disappear from their sight. "Wow, Y/n the Ladies Collecter," Cheche commented, making the rest of the girls burst out laughing with the exception of their leader and a blushing Y/n. "It's not like that guys, she's just being friendly" Y/n try to defend herself.

"Uh huh... friendly" Kyma makes a teasing gesture. The rest of them then walk outside, going to their respective vehicles, teasing Y/n along the way. The still quiet Leader finally speak up after the whole thing, "Y/ n, do you need a ride home?" she asked. "Yes, if it didn't bother you" the said girl answer, going to cling herself to Bada's arm, missing the unusually quiet girl touch after being ignored throughout the shooting.

"Okay... Bye girls, take care!" Bada announced to the rest of the girls, walking with Y/n that's still latching on her arm towards her car. Going to the passenger side first, and opening the door for Y/n, taking her bag before making Y/n enter the car. The smaller girl smile and thanked her for her actions. Going to close her door, Bada then went to open her car trunks and putting both her bag and Y/n bags inside before closing it and going inside the driver seat.

Bada started the car before driving . She gave Y/n her phone to play songs, knowing that she likes listening to music , Y/n just takes the phone, entering the password before opening spotify and choosing a calm song, God's forbid she can't hear any more hype songs after today long shooting. Both girls stay quiet during the drive, having thoughts in their minds for today events. Bada decided to end their silence, "How are you feeling?", Snapped out of her trance, Y/n goes to answer the question of the oreo haired girl, "Im fine. It's just very exhausting. I can't believe how exhausting it is to film this show" the smaller girl groaned out, lips turning into a pout. Chuckling at her response, Bada took a quick glance at the cute girl beside her. "Yeah, I mean, I didn't expect to watch so many dance battle's in a day".

"I know right?" the smaller girl pout deepens. "But it's still fun to meet so many new people" Hearing her response, Bada mood turns sour again, remembering how many girls flirted with Y/n throughout their shoot. She didn't like the fact that people are flirting with her girl. Well, not her girlfriend exactly, but Y/n is hers. The girl frown at her thoughts, she didn't like Y/n right? or did she .

After today events, she's starting to think that she has been denying her feelings for the smaller girl. The realization hits her like a truck. Wow, she really likes the girl beside her. Not long after they arrived in front of Y/n apartment. The girl thanked Bada for the ride before going to get out of the car. "Thanks for the ride unnie" she smile widely at Bada, giving her a close eyed smile. She then closed the door and move into her apartment. Realizing that the girl forgot her bag in the trunk, Bada turns off her car, getting the girls bag from the trunk and went to follow her. Pressing the number to her floor, Bada went out and press the bell to the girls room. Not long after she heard footsteps

approaching and the door opening. "Bada-unnie, why are you here? Did you need something?" the h/c haired girl asked, confused on why her leader is in front of her door. "Im here to give you your bag" she showed the bag that is slung over her shoulder, " You forgot it in the trunk". "Thank you so much" Y/n takes the bag that Bada handed to her before moving forward to hug the taller girl. Arms wrapping around her waist before going to release herself from the hug,mher movements is stopped by Bada arms wrapping around her.Tucking her chin on top of the girl head, and hugging her closer. Both girl just sigh in comfort, the hugs seems to take away all their stress of filming. "I love you, Y/n" Bada suddenly blurted out.

Shocking both herself and the girl that she was hugging. Releasing herself from the hug, Bada quickly composed herself and take a hold of the surprised girl hands. "Ive always liked you ever since I met you .

You were kinda shocked from what bada just said but something about that made you feel relived so you answered her back " I love you to bada unnie " bada responded to your answer by pulling you by the neck and kissing , you immediately, kissed her back

Bada was satisfied by finally tasting your lips . Bada slowly pulled away from the kiss and said " how about I show how much I love y/n " in a slow sudctive voice . You were kind of surprised with how bada said that but you answered her "please bada "

Bada couldn't stop herself anymore she kissed you one more time but this time more rough , she pushed her tongue in your mouth and carried you to your apartment and closed the door behind her .

"Please be rough bada " bada was kind of suprised by your comment but she didn't complain

"Anything for you princess" she said but soon said

"on your knees," Bada's jaw was clenched, palms flat against the door, effectively trapping you in. Scoffing, you tugged on her shirt yanking her closer to you, "why don't you make me?" You could almost see the shocked expressionon badas face , "so you're playing that game, huh? fine, have it your way." Was the last thing she uttered before you were pushed down to your knees, a large veiny hand tangled in your roots as you winced in pain.

"ow! Bada− it took me like 3 hours to style my hai−" you were cut off by your bada's hardened length slapping against your cheek, effectively shutting you up. "I don't want to hear your blabbering," she sighed, pushing the bulbous tip past your lips as she shuddered in delight. "now, get to work, slut."

You whined at the derogatory name, licking the underside of her cock before taking her in your mouth again, suckling lightly on the tip. She hissed when you slowly started to take hierfully into your mouth, fingers tangled in your hair tightening with each inch you swallow. You took half of her before abruptly pulling off− her brows twitched in annoyance and she breaths a quiet "enough" before slamming into your mouth forcefully, the mushroom tip reaching the very back of your throat as you sputter and gag on it, not expecting her to be so rough but you asked for it so thats what you get . She keeps going before pulling out almost completely− then brutally thrusting back into the wet heat of your mouth.

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The end

[bjornswoman]

My prisoner

Requested by none.

Author's note: Hello! I've been away for a while and I'm sorry about it. I wanted to come back with a fic about Bjorn, but this one was something that I was thinking for a while and I decided that this one will come out first. I want to believe that vikings fandom are still active. Anyway, till next time have fun and take care.

Pairing: Modern!Hvitserk x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, drama, romance, fluff.

Summary: Your ex boyfriend breaks free from prison.

Warnings: Drama, mentions of prison break, mentions of death.

Life had never been easy for you.

When you thought that things started getting better, something really bad happened and you were back to zero.

Life had shown you its worst face so far.

You had lost your parents at young age. You were struggling all alone, dealing with two awful jobs and an ex that was more pain in the ass than all the bills you had to pay at the end of each month.

Your life became much more difficult when you decided to get involved with the most infamous family of the city — the Lothbroks. These men — the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok, a mobster — they run a dangerous gang the one their father had founded. You couldn't even want to think about all the illegal stuff they were doing and the police was after them.

The bad thing in that was that the police had you under their microscope, as well, because you were Hvitserk Lothbrok's girlfriend — ex girlfriend.

And things became even worse than before when they put him in jail, after your break-up, and he decided with the help of his family to break free.

The police was following each movement of yours. They were tracking your phone number, listening to all your phone calls, expecting to learn about your ex. They had even someone outside your apartment to watch you over.

You told them over and over again that you had nothing to do with that filthy man anymore, but they wouldn't believe in you.

You let a long breath leave your lungs as you were cleaning the bar counter.

"What is it again?" One of your coworkers asked. Well, Hope was more than a coworker, she was your friend.

The only one you could talk to and not raise any suspicions. You were friends with Torvi — the wife of Ubbe Lothbrok — and Gunnhild — the wife of Bjorn Lothbrok — but you couldn't see them, it was too risky to get in touch with any member of the family. Of course, the police kept a close eye on them, but still you couldn't have any kind of communication with any of the family.

"It's the usual problem with... him." You said as you were placing the clean glasses on their place behind the counter.

"The police is following me around like I'm some kind of a bloody criminal because I made the mistake to start a relationship with a mobster." You spoke angrily and threw the towel on the counter. You were so angry, so frustrated with all this mess. Your hands run through your hair.

"I know that this is difficult for you, but it is going to end, sweetheart. It will end when they get this son of a bitch back where he belongs — in prison." She said wih an encouraging smile on her face and her hand rubbed your back friendly.

Only those words weren't encouraging for you. Deep in your heart you didn't want him to get caught and sent back inside there again. It hurt you to think that the man you loved were inside a called cell.

It was true that he wasn't the best guy in the world, not even close to that. Hvitserk had done some bad things that he wasn't proud of and he had regretted of doing. He had a good heart and wanted to be better.

You forced something that was the resemblance of a smile on your face and followed her to the kitchen to get the orders and walk them to the costumers.

"Did he try to contact you after you know?" Hope asked you suddenly and you nodded your head as an answer — no he didn't and it quite hurt you. But you had broken up before he got in.

"At least, he didn't dare to after all he did."

You frowned when you heard the tone of her voice. Hvitserk had never hurt you. In fact, the reason he broke up with you was because he didn't want to involve you in his mess, in the shit he was deep into, but it was late for that.

"He didn't harm me." You muttered when you got back with an epty tray in your hands.

Hope rolled her eyes and continued to place the drinks on her tray. When she finished, she turned her eyes on you.

"But he harmed other people. He is a criminal. Prison is where he belongs." Those where her words before she waltzed through the tables with her tray in hands.

Her words were harsh for a man she didn't know at all. Yeah, Hvitserk did awful things, but he wasn't just that. You had seen the good side of his. You had seen the little broken child in him. The one who felt full when you showed him your love and affection. The one who tried to shield your heart even from him.

The rest of your shift went by as usual. There weren't many clients as a typical Wednesday night. But things changed when you got that damned phone call.

It was a couple of times before the closing time when Torvi called. You didn't expect her to, you didn't expect anyone from the family to reach for you. When you saw her name on the screen, you used the back door to get out and answered her call.

"Torvi?" The tone of your trembling voice gave away easily to level of your concern about Hvitserk. Torvi wouldn't call if something bad did not happen. Something had happened. Something that you wouldn't like to hear.

"What happened? You know that it's not safe to speak through the phone." Your body was pressed on the wall next to the door and your hand was clenching the phone.

"Something came up which we don't know whether it stands or not, but I had to inform you because Ubbe said that they are 80% sure that it's true." You felt the despair and sadness in the tone of her voice as well as you could feel the tears forming in your eyes.

Hvitserk — your mind screamed but your tongue didn't. You waited to hear more before you even try to fight back your emotions.

"Tell me for the love of Gods! What happened?" You were almost crying now.

Torvi took a deep breath before her next words.

"They found a body — a body in a really awful state. It's unrecognizable. At the time were are talking they are in a lab waiting for the results of the DNA analysis. But, Ubbe said that they are almost sure that the body belongs to Hvitserk. He didn't contact the brothers after the escape, they thought he was hiding and would eventually come out, but he didn't."

You couldn't hear the most of it. You collapsed on the floor halfway and closed your eyes forcefully in an attempt to fight the waterfalls of tears to fall. Your free hand moved on your face and it touched your forehead.

You stopped hearing. You were crying. He couldn't be dead. Hvitserk couldn't die. Not like this.

"They killed him and threw his body in a ditch in a middle of nowhere. The people who killed him are the same who framed him with this murder he didn't commit." She continued, but you couldn't hear anymore. Your brain couldn't process all these. You couldn't process the fact that Hvitserk was dead.

"Hvitserk..." You muttered his name like it was a prayer between your sobs.

"I know it hurts but you—"

You didn't let her finish. You ended the damned call and let your phone fall from your hands. You hid your face in your palms and let yourself cry and mourn the love of your life — the only person you were able to love this much and loved you back in his own different way.

After some time, you gathered your broken heart and the pieces of your body and got in. You wiped your tears and cleaned your face with some fresh water. You had to stay strong for a couple of times and then you could cry all your wanted.

At the closing, you took out the trash in an attempt to cry to yourself for a bit in the darkness where no one could see your tears for the man you loved the most. You were so sad and shattered that you didn't notice a black figure approaching you.

You only noticed when one of his hands was on your mouth and the pushed you in a dark corner. You eyes opened widely and your heart beat went faster until you saw the face of your captor.

He let you see his face. He took his hood off and got rid of the black scarf which was covering his mouth and nose. When you could finally see him, he freed your mouth and you gasped.

"You!" You whispered out of breath. Your hand run on his features that you missed so much. The last time you could saw him in person was many months ago, almost a month before he got arrested.

"Shh!" His index finger was on your lips.

"Don't shush me! I thought you were fucking dead! Torvi called an—" All your whisper-yelling stopped when his lips fell violently on yours. The very thing he did every time he wanted to get away feom scolding. But this time you weren't going to get mad or stop him, until not as long as you could breathe.

His skilled lips were moving just perfect on yours and the facial hair he had were just perfect. His hands grabbed you by the waist and you placed your own hands around his neck. Your body was pressed on the wall by his own.

This kiss felt like salvation. It was like you were whole again. It felt like you could breathe even if you didn't. You didn't want it to stop, but it had. After all, you two had many things to discuss.

Much to your displeasure, it stopped because of the lack of air to your lungs. His hands left your waist and moved on your face where he caressed your cheeks softly.

But that loving moment didn't last long, before he noticed, your hand collided with his cheek violently and his head turned at the side.

"Was that necessary? Why did you do it?" Hvitserk whisper-yelled. His palm was on his hurting cheek that had your mark on it, along with the mark of your nails.

"You scared me to fucking death with your bloody lies. Plus, you were a total dick to me when I called you in jail." You spoke and gazed at him. You had missed him terribly.

"Hey!" With that Hvitserk grabbed your face between his hands. Your faces were dangerously close for once more. "I told you, you shouldn't have called me there. As for my little lie, it was my only chance to see you." You spoke and left a soft kiss on your forehead.

"And how would that be? The police is out there waiting for a stupid movement of yours — exactly like this one — to get you. They are after me — following every step of mine. You shouldn't be here." You told him and tried to leave him in the darkness. You didn't want him to get caught because of you.

Hvitserk didn't let slip from his hands. His strong grip held there in from of him.

"It's dangerous, Hvitserk." You whispered at him.

Hvitserk smirked and one of his hands placed a strand of hair behind your ear.

"See that was exactly my plan with all this dead body lie. Indeed, there was a body, but not mine — obviously — and we used it to mislead them. They will try to find the body and they won't pay attention to you. At least, not as much as they did." He explained and you smiled.

"Ivar's plan?" You asked all smiling and he smiled back.

"Like you don't know the answer to that."

After that, you stayed there gazing at each other, having only the stars witnessing this moment between you.

"Why did you break my heart?" You asked as your eyes were only on his. You wanted to hear the truth coming out of his mouth.

His green eyes were glowing under the lights of the stars.

"I – I don't deserve you. You are kind and sweet and so angelic and I am the exact opposite. I am so filthy that I'll defile your purity. I've done things that I'm not proud about — bad things."

"Then why are you here now?"

Your question made him think about it himself once more. His eyes were looking only deep inside yours. You could feel his pain when he talked about the stuff he did, you could feel everying through those eyes. It hurt you to think that he felt this way for himself.

"Behind the bars, in that cell, the only thing you can do is thinking. You're thinking about all the right and wrong decisions of your life till the moment you got in — especially the wrong ones keep you up all night. And what kept me up was you. The thought of never seeing you again, never hearing your voice, you laugh, your scolding. I just couldn't live knowing that I hurt you. I love you. My life without you is meaningless."

"Just never push me away again, okay?" You spoke as your hand wiped a couple tears away from your eyes. Hvitserk help you and when there weren't any more tears in your eyes, he caressed your skin softly.

"I love you, you idiot." You muttered and kissed him again. This kiss was so much different from the previous one. It soft and loving.

"The plan is to never let you slip away from me ever again." He spoke as he was caressing your hair.

"And how is that supposed to happen?"

"We will leave together here and now."

You frowned. You weren't expecting him to say something like this. You pushed him back, so you could face him.

"Wait... You want us to leave everything behind — our lives — and run away. This – this is....." You couldn't form a proper sentence. You were to process his proposition.

Kattegat was everything you knew — the place you called home. Everyone you knew was here and by that you meant your friends and some very distant relatives. Apart from your life, his life was in this place. His family, his job.

"(Y/N), there's nothing for us here. If I stay, I'll go to prison and I won't be able to hold you ever again. I will leave at the end of the day, there is no future for me in this city." Both of your hearts were beating fast at the thought that you would never see each other again after this night.

It was true that there was nothing here for you, only these two jobs that you hated. You couldn't know what future had in store for you, but if you let Hvitserk leave alone, you would hate yourself for the rest of your life.

Hvitserk's hand grabbed yours and closed it in both of his palms, but before that his finger gripped your chin and moved your head in such position that you could look at each other.

"The clock is ticking — the time is running fast. You have to give me your answer now. Are you coming with me right now?"

His eyes were begging you to say yes.

His heart was begging you to say yes.

But your mind was the problem. Your mind was hesitating to follow him wherever he was going to take you.

You closed your eyes for a moment. You couldn't choose between your heart and your mind. A whole war had broke inside you.

"(Y/N)?"

At the sound of your name on his lips you opened your eyes.

"I will come wherever you are willing to go. I can't live without you, my love." You told him and hugged him tightly.

Hvitserk wrapped his hand with yours and pulled you close to him.

"Are you sure? If we leave now — together — there's no coming back. We will be both fugitives." He told you smirking.

You chuckled when you heard him.

"That's a risk I'd love to take for you."

With those last words Hvitserk and you run away from the police and the city forever.

[outcasts-redeemer]

The florescent lights hummed as they came on one row after the next, illuminating the white room with a hard glow. The girls of RWBY and Sun and Neptune cringed as the light momentarily blinded them.

Ruby, after blinking a few times to adjust her eyes, looked around the room spying several cabinets and a large metal door to the side only to stop as her eyes landed on Headmaster Ozpin who standing in front of a table located in the center of the room.

Ozpin gazed at them coolly, his eyes withholding any warmth that the girls were used to. “Do you know where we are?” He asked them, his hands tightening on his cane.

Neptune fidgeted as he answered. “The sign outside said this was the morgue?”

Ozpin glanced at the blue haired young adult and nodded. “Yes.” He said, “This is the Vale City Morgue Station A-12. It was built forty years ago to answer the ongoing logistical issues of dealing with fatalities on newly built trans-city highway. Unlike its older siblings this facility was designed to hold ten times the number of fatalities a normal morgue would hold.” The white haired professor motioned to the room they were in. “This room is one of ten autopsy rooms connected to the main cadaver storage room.”

Ruby swallowed and stepped forward. “Why are we here?”

Ozpin leveled his eyes upon her own silver ones and stepped to the side waving her over in the process. “You are here because I convinced the Council that what happened on the Highway was not your doing.”

Ruby took a step forwards but froze as she saw the small shape hidden under the white cloth

Ozpin noticed her gaze and spoke again, “However, as hunters any choice you make holds the lives of countless others. This is the price of making the wrong choice.” With that statement the white haired headmaster pulled back the white cloth showing the body of a six year old girl, her face a mask of peace that was contrasted by the broken and torn form that was her lower body and legs.

The results were instant. Weiss and Yang both gasped in horror covering their mouths in an attempt to keep from crying out. Blake and Sun paled and took a step back while Neptune turned a shade of green and ran towards the nearest trash bin and threw up the noodles he and Sun had eaten.

The most affect however was Ruby herself. Standing still, her face ashen with understanding and her eyes focused on the immobile form of the young girl, Ruby asked a simple question. “How many?“

Ozpin hated hearing the brokenness of one of his most talented students but this needed to happen. She and the other students needed to know their actions have consequences. “There were one hundred thirty six fatalities as of last count with an additional twenty four injured.”

Yang tore her eyes from the young girl and looked at her headmaster with a look of growing horror. “W-what?”

Ozpin gave her an unimpressed glance before turning back to look at Ruby. “I will be frank with you. What happened tonight should not have happened. Not only did you break regulations, engage in vigilantism, and break restrictions put on you for your previous stunt.  You fundamentally failed as a team on multiple levels. Miss Rose. Tell me. Why are you the Team Leader?”

Ruby swallowed her shame and guilt and answered, “I showed exceptional skill when working under hazardous conditions to both organize and communicate with several other Hunters to both utilize their strengths and limit their weaknesses.”

Ozpin slammed his cane to the ground as he raised his voice. “Then why did you allow members of your team, as well as members not apart of your team to organize this one!?” He reached over to the girls still attached leg and read the tag connected to her toe.”Susan Brianne Grace, age six, cause of death: blood loss due to numerous Crush and Avulsion injuries along the lower extremities and torso.” He stopped reading and gazed at the six of them. “She died shoving her four year old younger brother out of the way of a falling four ton advertisement billboard for Hunters. She loved horses and liked to draw...”

Ruby was silent as tears pooled in her eyes. Everything had happened so fast all she could remember feeling was the rush of the chase and the determination to capture Torchwick. She never even stopped to consider anything else. And because of that. So many...

Ozpin sighed and lifted a stack of clipboards. “This lesson was supposed to be learnt during your second year, before going off on your first unchaperoned mission. But now I have no choice. Each of you will take a clipboard and work alongside the city morticians, recording everything there is about those lost to us due to the failures of their protectors. You will be here all night and in the morning you will report to Miss Goodwitch for aditional disaplinary action.” 

The grey haired headmaster began walking towards the exit but stopped before speaking one last time. “There is nothing you can do now to change their fates. All you can do, is learn from this and strive to be better.” He looked down at his feet lost in thought for a moment before whispering  Fore that is all we can do.” With those final words he shoved open the exit and left them to their new task

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (6) (REMAKE) -- ive been procrastinating a lot this yr so i guess we're back on track with hs + y/i

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: are ig comments even warnings anymore 😭-- and there will be new uses of face claims.

celebnews

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celebnews YN LN spotted in Glasgow, UK for upcoming first collaboration tour with Harry Styles.

view all 1,754 comments

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yourinstagram

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yourinstagram pov: im so fucking nervous i can barely stand still so heres a pic

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tchalamet YOU GOT THIS GIRLIE

username IM SO SAD I JSUT LEFT GLASGOW 😭

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anthonymackie Super disappointed in ourselves because we can't see you on your first ever collaboration tour. You're growing up, young lady. Don't you forget about us.

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iheartynrry

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view all 3,183 comments

username WHEN SHE TOOK OFF HER JACKET I ALMOST FELL ON THE FLOOR

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harryxyn

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harryxyn no explanations needed. just tears

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harrystyles

liked by vicdeangelis, yourinstagram, letitawright, and 4,902,514 others

harrystyles I am so proud of my girl who I call a sister from another mister. She doesn’t have any idea how much she means to me. You are loved, YN LN. (By me which who loves you the most.) You deserve the world. Thank you for being there always. It’s always us against the world.

HS + Y/I. Glasgow. June, 2022.

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username WHAT WHATE ANZTDGSHJSHDHEHE

username “its always us against the world” I CANT BREATHE IM IN TEARS

username IVE BEEN REREADING THIS FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES. NEVER HAVE I THOUGHT ID GET TO SEE HARRY POST THIS FOR YN

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yourinstagram

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yourinstagram should i even explain? this idiot has been with me for as long as i remember. god, i can’t even remember when i agreed to go on tour with him (kidding, kidding). you are the most talented, funniest, hell, i even have to say handsome person to feed your ego. you are one of the best people to have happened in my life. it’s always us against the world.

thank you glasgow for being our first ever crowd for hs + y/i — its great to be back again! ❤

view all 47,319 comments

username IM IN ACTUAL TEARS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

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mitchrowland

liked by anthonypham, annetwist, dovecameron, and 427,314 others

mitchrowland Don’t be fooled by the internet, kids. These two have been searching up ways to steal my guitar without me noticing for the past hour.

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harrystyles

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harrystyles Girls can kiss now.

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username my fav girl with my fav book

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[lurkingshan]

Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 10 Years Ticket

Hello friends, it is time again for me to go deep on another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. When I first suggested the idea of this challenge and asked a few folks what shows we might consider for it, @wen-kexing-apologist and @waitmyturtles both immediately shouted “10 Years Ticket!” I hadn’t seen it yet, but I trusted their judgment that it belonged on the list, and moved it near the top of my watch priorities. And phew lord, does it belong on this list. The drama explores intergenerational trauma extensively via a story of multiple families living in a small town community. 

So what is the deal with this drama? 10 Years Ticket is a Thai lakorn about four children and their families, all of whom are dear friends and neighbors, who are torn apart by the murder of one of their family members, by another of their family members. The two families whose blood ties were involved in the crime become bitter enemies, dragging the whole community into the fight, and crucially for this project, the adults push that trauma down onto their young children. As wka says, this show is about the harm that is done when a community breaks down rather than coming together in the wake of tragedy. 

Before I start digging into the trauma themes in this one, a note on my overall experience with the drama: I was extremely engaged even as my emotions about different aspects of the drama were mixed. The cast is fantastic and the drama is gorgeous, but the writing has some significant weak spots (some of which I suspect may be based in lakorn genre conventions, which I am admittedly not yet well-versed enough to parse). I wouldn't unreservedly recommend this to everyone, but depending on which aspects of the story you are most interested in, there’s a lot to get out of it. If you love a great mystery with excellent judgment about what information to withhold and when and where to place its reveals? Fairly strong with some minor missteps. If you are here for romance? Nah–there are romance subplots but they’re not particularly well-executed and they are pretty extraneous to the main narrative. If you want a gritty crime story with realistic villains and a satisfying conclusion? You will be laughing your ass off and not because the show wants you to. But if you’re here for the family stories and deep examination of a community in crisis? 10/10, absolutely recommend. (cc @chickenstrangers and @neuroticbookworm for my overall review—stop reading after this friends, spoilers ahead!) @dribs-and-drabbles also tagging you as a fellow 10YT enjoyer and one of the like five people on this website who may have an interest in reading a ridiculously long essay about it. :)

So, let’s get into it! 10YT is an ensemble show with many characters with endless complex connections, so I am going to do this breakdown family by family for your sanity and mine. Right off the top, some themes you’ll see running throughout that are particularly relevant to an Asian context: taboo, saving face, filial piety, devotion to the nuclear family unit, conditional parental love, community ostracization, and denial of queer identity. And some content warnings for discussion of: child abuse, physical violence, gun violence, Alzheimer’s disease, substance abuse, and drug trafficking. From this point forward, I am assuming anyone still reading has seen the show, because lord would all of this be impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t. Shoutout to turtles and wka for reviewing to make sure I didn’t miss anything major and helping me with the screenshots for this post, and a general heads up that this is long long.

Our Star-Crossed Lovers

Before digging into the family relationships, a word about our star-crossed lovers at the center of this tragedy, because it’s important to understand it as we get into the families. The drama really did take its sweet time with this reveal, but in the end we understood why this relationship was such a big damn dramatic secret—Luk is about five years older than Mai and already a teacher, and Mai is still a student. Their relationship is rooted in taboo, which is why they are sneaking around and likely why Luk carries so much guilt and shame that she makes the incredibly stupid and selfish decision to punish herself and tear apart their families by lying that she murdered Mai. There are other reasons given—namely, that she wanted to save face for Mai and his loved ones and prevent people from finding out he was a drug runner—but they don’t really hold up to any scrutiny. Luk told this lie to punish herself and didn’t really ever give a thought to how in doing so, she was punishing and harming everyone else, too, not to mention utterly failing to save face for her own family, whose lives are destroyed by her lie (apologies for not mincing words here, I have zero respect for Luk’s decision and one of my biggest criticisms of the drama is that it tries to paint this as a noble sacrifice and act of love and position her as some kind of voice of wisdom, which, *blows raspberry*).

The Siraphuchaya Family

So let’s begin with the family at the center of our plot and the heart of our story. Their relationships with each other are quite varied and the lines of generational trauma between them complex, so I’m breaking them down into subsections. The key people in this family unit are Santi, the patriarch; Sai, Phukao’s mother and Santi’s current wife; Mai, Santi’s first son; Phukao, Santi and Sai’s son; and the woman haunting them all, Mai’s mother Ranya. 

Mai and Phukao

The most wholesome relationship in this show by a mile, Mai and Phukao are half brothers who share a deep bond. They have different mothers and about a ten year age gap between them, which results in Mai taking on a role akin to a third parent and protector for Phukao in their abusive household. In turn, Phukao idolizes his brother and loves him unreservedly, and expresses sorrow and confusion about why their parents don’t seem to love Mai the same way they love him. Mai grows up in a household where his presence is clearly unwanted and resented, and Phukao grows up keenly aware that despite all the good he sees in Mai, others, including his parents, don’t feel the same way. And despite Phukao’s own experience of unconditional parental love, he bears witness to the conditional love his parents express for Mai and the violence that occurs whenever those conditions are not met.

Mai and Santi

Which brings me to Santi. From the beginning, we see that Santi treats his sons very differently. He is protective and loving toward Phukao, but antagonistic and quick to anger with Mai. We eventually come to understand that Santi is holding a burning resentment and hatred for Mai’s mother, Ranya, which manifests in his verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of their son. Santi is also a serious alcoholic and his substance abuse exacerbates the issue. 

Even from the first episode before Mai’s parentage was made clear, the signs were there that Mai’s family resents his presence. Mai sleeps on a mattress on the floor in a tiny room off the main floor hallway while his baby brother has a big bedroom with a giant bed on the second floor of the house. His parents never seemed happy to see him; he is nearly always greeted with suspicion, distrust, or at best, indifference. They hold him up to Phukao as an example of how he can be treated if he doesn’t behave—in one early scene, Santi explicitly tells Phukao that if he misbehaves he will have to start treating him like Mai. In gatherings with the neighbors, they talk proudly about Phukao but ignore Mai’s presence. And Santi nearly always finds a reason to discipline Mai with physical violence upon his return home, which makes it easy to understand why Mai was spending as much time away as possible and looking for ways out. 

We see Santi abusing Mai throughout the drama, often while Phukao and his mother Sai look on—Phukao in anguish, Sai in indifference (more about her soon). But the scene that best captures their dynamic and gets to the heart of the trauma that lays between them is in episode 7. Mai comes home from surreptitiously spending time with his mother, Santi sniffs out his secret, and the worst episode of abuse depicted in the show unfolds as Santi strings Mai up by a rope on a rafter in the garage and proceeds to beat him with a leather belt in full view of Sai, Phukao, and any onlooker that just happens to be passing by. Throughout the beating, Santi berates Mai for seeing his mother, insisting that she is evil and Mai needs to stay away from her. Watching it unfold, one gets the feeling that Santi is trying to literally beat any trace of Mai’s mother out of him.

What’s most interesting about this scene is the implication that Santi is deeply concerned for Mai’s welfare and genuinely trying to protect him from something, even as he himself is Mai’s greatest source of pain. Somewhere along the way, Santi’s emotions have become hopelessly tangled and warped to the point where this abuse “for Mai’s own good” is the only expression of love he can manage toward his eldest son. It’s horrific, it’s tragic, and it really makes you wonder what the hell happened between Santi and Mai’s mother to poison this father-son relationship so deeply.

The Ranya of it All

Ranya. What a character. What a piece of work. And yet somehow, what a deeply sympathetic portrayal of a woman forced into a life she didn’t want and rebelling against it to the point of cruelty. I did not like this woman, and yet I was unexpectedly moved by her story.

So what the hell happened between Ranya and Santi? They fell in love. They got married. And then Santi pressured her to have a child she didn’t want, because he was fixated on the idea of having a traditional nuclear family (for reasons the show never fully elucidated, but I extrapolate are related to some generational trauma he himself is carrying and a desire to be head of a new family to make up for whatever his childhood lacked). She went along with it despite knowing she did not want to be a mother because she was in love. And sure enough, once she had made it through the pregnancy and began her life as a mother, she was miserable. So she rejected motherhood and abandoned her family when Mai was only an infant, one of the greatest sins a woman can commit in any culture, and certainly in the Asian context where family values and collectivist mindset demands sacrifice for the good of the family unit over personal satisfaction. 

And Santi hated her for it. Hated her because he loved her and she left him. Hated her because she didn’t give him the dream vision he had of a beautiful family. Hated her because he still wanted her. And ultimately, transmitted his impotent rage and twisted love from her onto their son. She, in turn, hated Santi for not being happy with just the two of them, and for destroying their relationship by forcing her into motherhood. And while she doesn’t hate Mai, she certainly doesn’t love him or care for his well-being. 

When Ranya sails back into town many years after abandoning him, she is bitter and hardened and she sees Mai as a means to an end and an easy target. She appears to have similar substance abuse issues to Santi, and she is in deep debt. She needs money, Mai is desperate for parental love and affection, and she sees an opportunity to take advantage. And so she pushes Mai into working with one of the local drug running operations, tells him pretty lies about using the money he is making to buy them a house to live in together, manipulates him into further provoking Santi in her honor, and then skips town with all his money just as the shit hits the fan. It’s one of the last things Mai experiences before his death, a confirmation that neither his father nor his mother really loves him or wants to care for him, exponentially compounding his emotional devastation and leaving him utterly certain that no one will help him. After he is murdered in cold blood by the very people she pushed him to work for, she uses the opportunity to extort money from Luk’s family for years, only coming around when she needs cash. 

Phukao, Santi, and Sai

In the aftermath of Mai’s death, Phukao’s family as he knows it falls apart. He has lost his beloved brother under shocking circumstances, he has been torn apart from one of his best friends as his family bitterly feuds with hers, his father has descended even further into addiction and depression, his parents fight violently until they eventually split up and his father leaves the family home, and through it all he does not feel the unconditional support he expects from his friends and neighbors. Oh sure, they support him, but they also support Kongkwan and her family, a fact which eventually comes to enrage and embitter him. 

Because that’s not how this is supposed to work. If you’ve watched other Asian dramas, you are probably very familiar with the “bad seed” and community ostracization tropes, aka the belief that any blood relative of a person who has committed a heinous crime should be shunned and shamed by the collective community. According to that cultural norm, Luk’s family should be abandoned and ostracized by the community following her murder confession, and while that does happen to some extent, their circle of close friends and neighbors remain sympathetic to them, in particular caring for and protecting Kongkwan, everyone’s favorite fragile sweetheart. 

As Phukao grows and becomes more and more mired in despair and desperation and (justifiable) anger at the injustice of it all, the community begins to view him as difficult, backing away from him, dismissing his feelings, and demanding that he stop making them think about it. Some of his closest friends and loved ones essentially withdraw their explicit emotional support and care for him, and in some cases condemn him and respond to his emotional outbursts with violence. And remember, for the entirety of this story, Phukao is a child. Yet the adults around him seem afraid of his emotion and utterly incapable of extending to him the same level of empathy they easily give Kongkwan and even Luk, our supposed murderess. Feels kinda gendered, doesn’t it? I can’t help but think that Phukao is being punished largely for failing to maintain the stoic model of masculinity that is so often modeled in Asian cultures. 

And what are Santi and Sai doing while their son is emotionally falling apart? They are wrapped up in their own nonsense and sparing very little attention to his actual needs even as they try to control him and loudly proclaim their love for him. Santi is wallowing in his depression and isolation and drinking himself half to death, with noose imagery hovering around him so that we can’t miss how low he is driving himself. Though interestingly, he never turns to violence against Phukao to vent his feelings in the manner he did with Mai. Phukao is clearly a manifestation of the son and family Santi always dreamed of; he loves him in a much more pure way than he ever managed with Mai. And so while he can’t get his shit together to be a good dad to him, he is also not an abusive and terrifying figure to Phukao, to the point where Phukao becomes fixated on getting him to come home. Because for Phukao, despite every monstrous aspect of Santi he’s borne witness to, the only thing that will give him any comfort and feeling of security is having what remains of his family together and intact, as they are supposed to be.

While Phukao desperately tries to get his dad to come home, Sai is caught up in navel gazing over her regrets, as we come to learn that she had a great love before Santi. But Pin was a woman and Sai did not feel free to pursue their relationship, and so when she got pregnant she agreed to marry Santi and raise Mai, as well. But as we saw, she didn’t keep that commitment. Sai came into the marriage regretful and wistful over her lost love and her inability to pursue a life more aligned with her authentic queer self, and that manifested in both indifference to Mai and her husband’s violence toward him, and an unhealthy attachment to and pressure on Phukao to be “worth it.” Worth giving up the life she wanted, worth living with this man she clearly didn’t love, and worth never being with Pin. 

Mai eventually turned her own anger and self-loathing about her choices on Luk and Mai, trying to tear them apart when she learned of their relationship because if she didn’t get to keep her “taboo” love, why should they? When Phukao begins to figure some shit out, lets go of his anger, and starts developing feelings for Kongkwan, Sai freaks the fuck out and tries to repeat the pattern, which feels rooted in her need to keep Phukao under her control and devoted to her to give her life meaning. She finds his interest in Kongkwan threatening and attempts to stamp it out. Unlike Luk, though, Phukao is not having it. 

Kongkwan, Luk, Veena, and Somkiat

Over to the family on the other side of the tear in the fabric of this community. Luk, our star-crossed lover and faux murderer, is the eldest daughter of a seemingly pleasant family with no big stressors or clear markers of their own generational trauma. Veena and Kiat appear to have a decent marriage, stable financial status, and good relationships with their daughters, Kongkwan is thriving while Luk has finished college and become a teacher, and before Luk confesses to killing Mai, all seems well. There is a large age gap between Luk and Kongkwan that the show never explains—I expected to learn something deeper about their family, but we never really got there. As far as we know, they were a solid and functional family unit.

The intergenerational trauma for this family is instead depicted in the aftermath of Mai’s murder and Luk’s false confession. As I mentioned above, Luk’s choice to cover for Mai destroyed her family’s lives. They lost jobs, financial security, several homes, and many relationships, not least of which is the deep bond they once had with the Sirapuchaya family. And when a devastated Santi refuses to forgive Luk and hurls vitriol at her parents (justifiably IMO, what on earth were Kiat and Veena thinking showing up to Mai’s funeral to demand forgiveness for their daughter who had explained nothing), Kiat and Veena become angry and bitter and decide to hate him, and his child, right back.

This is of course a toxic dynamic, and Kongkwan and Phukao are the ones who suffer most for it. On the heels of losing her older sister, Kongkwan is also forced to give up her friendship with Phukao and told to hate him. Her parents start with small things like not inviting him to her birthday party (leaving poor baby Phukao out in the cold and all alone while his family falls apart) and eventually escalate to getting violent with him (both striking him in anger) and explicitly telling Kongkwan that Phukao is a bad person that she must avoid (ironically, giving him the “bad seed” treatment that Kongkwan should be receiving under cultural norms). Over time, Veena and Somkiat develop a seething hatred for Phukao that is actually quite visceral and difficult to comprehend; they seem to find him a symbol for all the unfairness they have endured and the easiest target for their rage and cannot get ahold of themselves enough to temper their reactions to him. 

Kongkwan, a gentle soul, is torn between being a filial and obedient child and going along with an attitude and treatment toward Phukao that she knows is wrong, and it is plainly tearing her apart. Throughout the story, she is emotionally overwhelmed, swinging between deep sadness and bursts of defiant anger, and she often looks like she is one more provocation away from shattering. And as the community tears itself apart around her, Kongkwan is also mired in anguish and confusion about her sister’s choices. As Kongkwan mentions at one point late in our story, no one, including her parents, has ever bothered to question whether Luk actually committed this murder, but she has never believed the lie. She knows her sister well enough, or perhaps is just too gentle a person, to imagine that Luk could have actually done that to Mai. 

And it’s important not to lose in all of this that Kongkwan loved Mai, too. His death was a loss for her as well as for Phukao, and no one really tended to her grief in the aftermath, which clearly runs deep based on the way she clings to objects that remind her of him (the film strip necklace, the Brother Uncle doll). She is just as broken by all of this as Phukao, they just express it very differently.

And before our story ends, Kongkwan will endure yet another devastating loss, when Veena is killed by the drug runners for witnessing their crimes and collaboration with dirty cops. This is compounded by the fact that Veena and Kongkwan’s relationship is in tatters when Veena is killed. Veena has just struck her in anger after Kongkwan demanded an explanation for why her parents were ripping her away from her friends and fought back when they once again tried to force her to carry their hatred for Phukao (her first real stand against her parents after being a dutiful and filial daughter through all their years of bullshit). Kongkwan takes off for the night with her friends to say goodbye before she is forced to leave, and in that short delay her mother is killed—another trauma that Kongkwan will have to bear forever. 

This family is an utter tragedy, to go from stable and loving to this, and all because of their own bad choices. Veena and Somkiat both utterly collapsed under the weight of Luk’s choices and their fallout, compounding them exponentially with their own inability to regulate themselves, and pushed all their trauma down onto Kongkwan, who must now do the hard work of living on amidst the destruction her family has wrought. 

Plu, Pum, and Yo

Phew, let’s take a break and look at this smiling family, shall we? I can’t believe I have already written this many words with nary a mention of my beloved best boy Plu, but that should tell you how much is going on in this show! While Plu gets caught up in the traumatic events that are deeply affecting his best friends and has some of his own family problems to deal with, he is not suffering from intergenerational trauma to the same degree as Phukao and Kongkwan. Plu lost his parents at a very young age (we do not find out the specifics of how), but is raised with attention and care by his wonderful grandparents who clearly love him dearly. He spends his childhood with close neighbors and friends and shares a deep bond with and protective instincts for his slightly younger friends Phukao, Kongkwan, and Lookzo.

So how is all this community trauma affecting Plu? He is a classic people pleaser and caretaker who just wants everyone to be okay. He also wants to support all parties in this situation without taking sides or hurting anyone’s feelings, which is of course impossible, but I do love him for trying. He took it upon himself to care for Phukao and be the big brother he needed in the aftermath of Mai’s death, but he always maintained his friendship with Kongkwan, as well, a fact that Phukao finds hard to accept. Plu is torn between his love for Phukao and Kongkwan, which becomes extra complicated when they get older and he develops (ill-advised and doomed) romantic feelings for Kongkwan that cloud his judgment and create a rift with Phukao. He is yet another person who hits Phukao without real justification, but unlike the adults he at least has the grace to feel ashamed (can you tell I am in my feelings about this??).

As all of this is unfolding, he is also dealing with his own family struggles, as Pom develops Alzheimer’s disease and her medical needs take a financial toll on the family, leading Plu to become involved with the same drug running crew that killed Mai, because apparently a legal job wouldn’t cut it to pay for Grandma’s prescriptions. (I should also mention here that via Plu’s involvement with the drug running crews we get a glimpse into some intergenerational trauma being passed down in those families, as the heads of each organization force a very hard life onto their children, but we’re not going to get into that because I have to stop somewhere or I’ll be writing this post from my grave). 

In any event, Yo can clearly see that his grandson is lying and doing something dangerous to bring home money, but he doesn’t stop him, presumably because they desperately need it. And Pom’s deteriorating memory and mental health take a real toll on both Plu and Yo, who just have sorrow wafting off them in waves in every scene where she doesn’t recognize them. This is a family in struggle together, not causing struggle for each other, unlike Phukao and Kongkwan’s situations.  

Lookzo and Oh

This section is going to be short because Zo and Oh have never done anything wrong in their lives and I know this. They are a perfect little father/daughter duo with an easy relationship, despite some sadness they must have endured around whatever happened to Zo’s mother (the show never gives us this information). Oh is a single father doing his best and he supports Zo through all her milestones and moods, creating a safe home where she can be herself and express her feelings to him without fear. He is also a sweetheart to her friends and welcoming to both Kongkwan and Phukao while maintaining his own friendships and acting as a mediator between their parents. 

Zo’s main worries throughout the drama are twofold: she has a crush on an utterly clueless Plu (despite his silly little hats), and she is similarly torn between her love for Kongkwan and Phukao and resentful of all the adults around them trying to destroy their bonds with each other. She is honest and forthright and though she sometimes runs off at the mouth in ill-advised ways, she always owns it and if she was wrong she will immediately admit it and apologize. In one of my favorite scenes of the entire drama, she lights into Kiat and Santi for tearing the community apart and destroying her friends, and then collapses on Oh to sob about how exhausted she is by all this bullshit and how she just wants to live her life with her friends in peace. She is all of us, easily the most relatable character in this show, and I love her. 

The Core Four

So after that exhaustive summation of all the trauma they are enduring throughout our story, I turn to the final question on all of our minds: are these babies going to be okay? I think the answer is a bit of a mixed bag with a tilt toward hope. 

Throughout the drama, I kept wanting these kids to just get in the car, drive far away from their parents, and never come back. But this is an Asian drama and filial piety reigns supreme, so of course they were never going to abandon their parents. And if they can’t be free, at least Phukao and Kongkwan found some measure of peace in the end. Kongkwan still has her father and a newly released Luk to cling to in the aftermath of Veena’s murder and they seem committed to being better to each other and finally letting go of all the bitterness now that Luk has come clean about what really happened (I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Kiat explicitly says he is grateful for Veena’s death because it gives him the opportunity to be a better dad, a fridging for the ages!). Phukao has made his peace with his parents’ split and given Sai his blessing to pursue her best lesbian life, and Santi has done a (wildly unrealistic IMO) heel turn upon learning Luk did not kill Mai, let go of all of his anger, and pledged to do better as Phukao’s father. These families will never be free of the decade of trauma they all endured and the scars it left on them, but they can at least finally move forward from it. 

And of course, our core four kiddos stuck together and refused to let the adults succeed in destroying their relationships, though it was certainly a near thing. Even if things get better from here on out, they must live with the pain of all that they endured, and Phukao and Kongkwan in particular have suffered losses they will likely never fully recover from. It isn’t lost on me either that these traumatic events all occurred in the most formative years of their lives, when your experiences shape who you will become. They will carry these traumas through their lives and likely pass them down to the next generation, even if they manage to mitigate the damage better than their own parents did. If nothing else, we can say that at least if their bonds with each other are tattered, torn, and bruised, they are still intact. In the end, despite incredible pressure, ample doubt, and deep turmoil, they chose each other, and they will continue to care for each other through whatever life throws at them next. 

[noisydeergalaxy]

The Amber eyed dreamwalker part 4

Warnings: language, hunting, small bit of violence, some emotional bits.

I will admit I got carried away so I am sorry if this chapter is quite long but I hope you enjoy it.

Once again, thank you for the likes and rebloggs, and if anyone wants tagged in future parts, please let me know, and of course, all feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Miles followed the other navi into the communal area, gathering their weapons and preparing the thantors for the hunt, all involved covoured in warpaint, he listened as koruk addressed the hunting party in fluent navi, he was slowly grasping the language and from what he understood in the speech they where hunting a herd of Sturmbeest that had settled in a near by valley.

Miles had little to no experience with most of the creatures of Pandora with the exception of his ikran and jennas thantor that he now knew was called pùla, so he didn't know what to expect from today's hunting trip.

The first thing miles learned is that Sturmbeest are HUGE, and the second is that when they stampede, they become a death trap for anyone or anything in their way.

The hunting party split off into groups surrounding the moving herd, some of the thantor snapping at the heels of the giant animals while their riders shot arrows, aiming for the sweet spot above the shoulder where their breathing hole sat.

Another group scaled the rocky cliffs surrounding the valley in an attempt to get ahead of the giant beasts and separate one from the herd.

Miles watched from a safe distance with some of the young male navi of the clan who were also their to observe. Too young to participate.

Pùla and jenna ran close to one specific Sturmbeest, the largest of the group, most likely the matriarch, pùla roared and snapped wildley at the creatures hind legs, jenna shot various arrow all missing the mark, she growled in frustration and urged her thantor to run faster, over taking the large beast. Once she was slightly ahead of the Sturmbeest, jenna turned pùla starply, his claws dragging into the ground as they skidded to a hault and faced the on coming heard.

Hissing, jenna raised her bow, pulling her last arrow back. She breathed deeply, waiting for the right moment.

Miles watched as the herd got closer and closer to jenna and pùla. She still didn't shoot. He could feel his heartbeat grow quicker and quicker, his anxiety building.

Still She waited.....breathing steadily....focusing.

"Move jenna!" He covered his mouth but it was too late. "Shit, miles you idiot" he scolded himself. As he looked ahead, The females ears twitched as she glanced over to where miles was standing. Snapping out of her momentary distraction she yelled and loosed the arrow, it flew towards the fast moving creature infront of her.

The large Sturmbeest bellowed as the arrow his it's mark causing its legs to buckle. It's body hitting the ground and tubled towards the navi female, her eyes widened as she gasped, pùla quickly jumped out of the way of the incoming body as it slid to a halt, its heavy body causing a dust cloud around it. The navi ullulated at the success of her hunt, the remaining pack of thantors and riders coming to a top as the Sturmbeest herd continued to move ahead.

All breathing heavy as male hunters tied the dead Sturmbeest to the largest thantors as it was dragged back to the clans homestead.

Walking back into the comunal are rheir was a definite uneasy feeling, miles could feel the anger radiating from some of the clan members as they returned, removing their hunting attire from the thantors bodies.

Miles anxiety spiked as torvì stormed towards him. He was the leader of the hunting party. He didn't like miles from the first day he came to the Thantor ’eveng, likely because he was an outsider but most off all because he'd capture jennas attention. Miles had learned that torvì and jenna where meant to be a mated pair but after jenna refused torvì's advances at a recent ceremony he had become a seething ball of aggression. His ego definitely bruised.

"YOU COULD HAVE COST US THAT HUNT DEMON!" Miles slinked back slightly as torvì bellowed at him while pushing his hands hard against his chest.

"I didn't cost you anything! you still got the kill, well jenna did, I don't kmow where you where, she's the one who put herself in harms way to take the beast down" miles snapped back.

"And you're the one who distracted her. She could have been killed because of you Sa’nok! (Moron)" torvì snarled at miles, getting closer to his face. Both males growled at each other as the next second a fist collided with torvì's jaw, causing him to fall to the ground.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM" jenna hissed as she moved infront of miles protectively. Both males looked at her stunned, a group was now gathering at the sudden commotion.

Torvì wiped his mouth and shook his head at the female navi. "You protect him, why?!" Jenna hissed at his question, which made torvì even more angry. He stood up and glared at her. "You really think he'd want you?" He whispered to her, her ears fell back. Miles heard him and anger boiled over as he felt his words sting the young female.

"BACK OF YOU PRICK!" Miles pulled jenna behind him by her arm startling her and himself with his boldness.

Both males finally snapped and launched themselves at each other, throwing punches and kicking. Miles had the upper hand as the crowd around them wooped and ululated. Some of the thantors roared at the unsettling atmosphere around them. Torvì reached up and yanked miles hair as miles tried to get his hands around the other males' throat.

"NÌTAM!" (Enough!) koruk bellowed as the two males were dragged off each other, both struggling and breathing heavily as they were separated. "Be Tsun zoplo, Tsun" (be calm now, calm) koruk held both his hands outstretched touching each of the males chests, both refusing to make eye contact with the clan leader as he gently pushed them both in separate directions. Torvì stormed off muttering in navi. Some of the on lookers followed behind him. While miles just stood and breathed heavily. His adrenaline raced through his veins. He could have easily burst into tears at that exact moment. Biting his lip, he too turned and made his way towards the sanctuary of the camp training grounds.

Now alone he leaned against one of the large rocks, shielding him from any onlookers, sliding down to a crouched position he couldn't hold himself together anymore and angrily wiped away the hot tears on his cheeks as he buried his head in his arms.

[keryth-fr]

Lore Overhaul - Humanoid Forms

One of the very first issues I encountered when starting to write my clan lore around 6 years ago, the drastic difference between breed sizes was one of my first big blocks. At the time, I thought I had found a rather elegant solution - just give everyone smaller humanoid forms they can magically transform into.

While the idea has shown its flaws over time, I'm still somewhat attached to the idea (and the humanoid designs I've commissioned). Since this impacts every area of my lore, I figured it'd be a good place to start as I revamp my setup! The write up became a little long (close to 1,000 words), so it's been placed under the cut.

Though none truly know from where the practice originated, it is considered a common courtesy for dragons to change their size and shape when in public areas. This is especially true for those who are larger, such as Imperials. It is thought that this came around, at least in part, due to unfortunate injuries caused by the larger breeds interacting with those who are much larger - this includes both other dragons, beastclans, and other animals. 

While is it technically acceptable to simply change one’s size to match what has more or less become what areas are built to accommodate, many choose to take on a humanoid form, as smaller, more nimble fingers can be of use in many ways. These forms are similar in appearance to those of the beastclans, but tend to have elements that read, as a whole, still draconic in nature to observers. 

It is largely up to personal preference on if one chooses to keep most of the features of their natural forms. In these cases, the dragon’s smaller form will be nearly identical to that of their natural one, with the largest exception of more dextrous fingers in places of claws, and a bipedal stance. This is most commonly accepted among hatchlings and young adults, as not all will have the skill in magic yet to be able to finely tune their appearance to remove many of the features that tend to stick between forms. 

In most polite societies that involve dragons, it’s excepted that one removes as many scales, horns, wings, tails, fur, and other such features when they are capable of it. This is seen as both evidence of immense care towards one’s appearance, but also a way to signify that an individual has put the time and energy into refining their magical skills and honing their control.

While they rarely face outright discrimination, it's not uncommon to see individuals that choose to keep more of their draconic traits as lazy or in some ways uncultured. However, at the same time, there are many that prefer to keep their tough scales or their horns and wings at all times.

In addition, when one spends a large amount of time around members of the beastclans, it is not unheard of for them to begin incorporating that clan's traits into the humanoid form. This may result in a practiced dragon being able to take on a form near indistinguishable from a Maren, Serthis, or any of the other clans. There may still be some remnants of the dragon's natural form that give them away, but for those that grew up in beastclan communities, those may be hidden completely.

While it's generally expected to remain within one's humanoid form in public spaces, there is leeway given when one is outside, as there is generally much larger amounts of space for a fully grown dragon outdoors. One's home, whether this be a house, den, or any other structure, may be built big enough to accommodate both the dragon's natural form and humanoid form, though one typically needs to choose or or the other due to the fact that there is typically a rather large size difference between them. This may not apply to some breeds, such as the recently rediscovered Veilspun, as they are already similar in size to what is generally considered socially acceptable.

In addition, one may use their larger, natural form for some forms of work or travel. Should one be crossing the continent of Sornieth, it's much easier to do so with a large pair of wings or a longer stride than when one is significantly smaller. Similarly, if someone is needing to move vast amounts of material, especially across a distance, there are dragon-size carts, bags, and other methods of carrying things that are made available for those who choose to use them.

Similarly, many dragons choose to remain in their natural forms should they ever need to engage in combat. As most who craft their humanoid forms for use in polite society trade their tough scales, sharp fangs, and curved claws for soft skin and delicate fingers, it is simply more effective to do so.

In time of conflict, the transformation into a smaller, weaker form can be used as a sign of trust and faith to those one is attempting to ally themself with.

Items such as clothing can be enchanted to change size with the wearer to some extent, but it frequently is not strong enough to allow for major shifts in size and shape. While it's not considered polite to go in the nude while in a humanoid form, bare scales are hardly scandalous.

There is some debate among scholars as to the exact origins of the specific traits commonly used within humanoid forms stem from. They make an appearance within many of the beastclans, but never do they occur all at once in any currently known life form other than dragons utilizing shape changing magic. And then, they only appear due to social expectations and convention. However, due to a lack of evidence, this is once debate that is likely to never be settled unless something absolutely earth shattering is excavated or otherwise uncovered. Of course, there are those who dedicate their lives in the pursuit of definitive answers to this question, just as there is for every other mystery out there.

[trektraveler]

A Writer's Review.... Promised by jawritter

I am a writer. I was born to be one, its my joy and my torment. And it is my honor.

I find new and utterly fantasic stories here daily and I am honored to be a contributing member of the writing community! Each and every one of these authors is a gem. They selfelessly share their intricate worlds with us so that we can escape! It is a public service and vital to my personal well-being. There are not words to express my gratitude.... but that doesn't mean I won't still try to find some!

As writers, we read. Even more than we write. So... what do we read? Here is an in-depth review of one of my favorites! Along with a few other recommendations. I intend to post reviews regularly. I've got quite a list of stories I adore, but I'm always lookig for more! So please share this review and send a few reccomendations my way! Tag your own stories, tag other people... I don't want to miss any of them! Thank you all and share the love!!

Story Name: Promised

Author: jawritter

Character Pairing: Alpha!Jensen x Omega!reader

Length: 10 Chapters, 25,084 words total

Story Type: Series - ABO, AU Real life, Mob dynamics, Age gap

Author’s Description: In a world where your presentation can be a blessing or a curse, a newly presented Omega will come face to face with the harsh reality of Alphas, Omegas, and pack alliances that are expected to be upheld with the union of your two families.

Warnings:  ABO dynamics! Smut, unprotected smut, knotting, claiming, mating, heat, rut, language, overly protective Jensen, age gap! 19-year-old reader, 41-year-old Jensen, virgin reader, loss of virginity, sort of an arranged marriage, hint at possible mob type settings.

My Two Cents:  They say you never forget your first, and that is certainly the case for me!  This absolute gem of a story was my introduction to the world of ABO fan fiction (aka Alpha/Beta/Omega) and I’ve been hooked ever since!  This may be in part to the perspective of the reader, who is a novice.  Young and naïve to the world in general as well as to the complex dynamics between Alphas and Omegas.  This allowed me to discover and understand this unique concept at the same pace the reader did. 

Our dear author is truly a master at quickly establishing the relationship bonds between the main characters and their prospective families and friends.  I greatly appreciate this quality in a story.  Background information is crucial in a well-developed character but can be clunky when not handled with finesse.  Here, those relationships are woven in seamlessly to the over-all plot but never weigh the story down.  Bravo!

Another highlight are the physical descriptions.  Anyone who knows Jensen Ackles from his work, can easily imagine him in a reader insert story. 

That is, after all, why we are all here! 

Yet this story is filled with vivid details that even I hadn’t thought of in my wildest daydreams!  There is a visceral warmth to this version of Jensen that I find beyond appealing.  I find myself rereading this story most often when I am feeling uncertain in my life.  When I need to feel that someone strong is in charge, so I don’t have to be, Alpha Jensen has me. 

Favorite Chapter: Chapter Nine. Here we get to see Jensen let loose his primal Alpha instincts that he’s kept under careful control up until this point.  And its glorious!  It has the best elements of how vicious Demon Dean could be and focused it in a powerful man who is willing to do anything in defense of his mate.  Fantastic!  He’s desperate and he’s truly dangerous in this chapter.  And I am here for it! Favorite Line: “You know, before I came here tonight with Y/n I promised her something…. I promised her I would protect her. You made me break that promise.. I don’t appreciate that. I’ll be spending the rest of my life making it up to her….”  “I told her if you tried anything I’d rip your throat out….. With my teeth…”

Jensen’s vision went red, All he saw was red… 

Why I Love it:  It’s the perfect length.  I read one shots and they have their place, but I always find myself wanting more of that world!  But let’s face it, some series’ (although awesome!) are long, and that’s a commitment.  I don’t always have the luxury of time, this length strikes just the right balance.  I get Jensen in a protective but not possessive role.  I get a naïve reader who is innocent but not spineless.  I get steamy sex scenes.  I get an interesting but not over-bearing mob dynamic.  There is plenty of threat but not much violence, which is a nice change up. 

Mood I’m in When I Read it– I’m a strong person, but there are times when I need someone else to be strong.  I need to be comforted.  I need to believe in love and escape.  And when I am feeling over-whelmed, I often come here and let Alpha Jensen take the reins for a while.  He does a great job!

I Want More! : If you loved this as much as I did, here are some other stand-out stories that you might enjoy… Feral @jawritter Can We Fix Us @jawritter If Its Meant to Be (Alpha Beau x Omega Reader) @jawritter Unleashed @supersleepygoat Reasons @merethehunter Feral @luci-in-trenchcoats The Things We Don’t Believe In (Alpha!Sam x Omega!reader) @thecleverdame

[awsugar]

🐾🧸I have something to admit. When the boys broke I never listened to their solo work because I was so upset and hurt. But reading your post about Millions and Where Do We Belong? Anywhere But Here... I had to go and listen and just.. Ow. Just ow. Frank is/was so so hurt. So now my questions are

1. What other songs have they written that talk about this hurt?

2. Because Frank wears his heart on his sleeve, do we know if Jamia knew about it?/Was ok with what Frank and Gee had? Cause like.. Frank was very clearly hurt. More so then just friends going their separate ways.

3. What other things have you heard down the grapevine?

4. The 1st reunion show, there was very clearly some animosity/ stiffness/coldness on stage, why do you think it was like this? Like I feel like if they wanted to reunite they would've hashed that all out before hand right? But then covid happened and we wait 2 years and then we finally get to see them again, and they've changed. They're happy again.

sorry this took me so long to respond to !!!! ive been either working or depressed and tired mostly. im glad it was so apparent to you from listening....cause it really is like a slap in the face tbh.

frank has a TON of songs about that relationship, or that at least mention it? i think sometimes his songs reference multiple things but like there are soooo many songs that are at least partially about gerard. weighted (more about the end of the band, at least in part, like i said), stitches, guilttripping, all i want is nothing, diluted, why is love so disastrous?, choke on one another, where are my fucking pills?, underneath it all, possibly i dont know much but i know i loathe you, world destroyer, they wanted darkness, ill let you down, oceans, the resurrectionist, viva indifference, young and doomed (lol), fever dream, the host, basement eyes,ode to destruction, medicine square garden, record ender.....im serious i know i probably sound insane but there is at least one line in all of these songs that i believe are about that. gerard has way less solo stuff first of all, but also just doesnt write about it as much i thnk because its not the heartbreak perspective, from his perspecting at least in millions like hes not nearly as torn up about it so like hes just not giving it quite thhe same brain power, plus his lyrics are more like metaphor and storytelling than strictly personal like franks so it makes sense. but the bridge of no shows is VERY about the band to me.

i tend to try to avoid talking about family members of the band who are not public figures, because i think thats the most respectful option. and that stuff isnt my business. but frank has talked about being in an open relationship at the beginning of the band before, and also theres the swinger allegations. ill just say that i dont think he was ever cheating, physically or emotionally, and that everything was known and communicated.

i think that things were a little stiff at the shrine due to nerves mostly tbh. they hadnt done it in so long and they didnt know what the reception would be. i really think it was all nerves. because i think they absolutely had to put in work to repair that relationship before making the decision to play a show and go on tour. so i do chalk it up to more just being out of practice and being nervous rather than them not being close/friendly at that time. i think theres also a level of like anxiety around being to affectionate/friendly in fron of fans these days and they were still trying to figure out then how they would approach that. because i do think that thats a thing, but sometimes they also slip through that and now they DO show each other affection on stage sometimes so. you know. its a process i guess.

[thegreenwallrabbit-blog]

Explaining One of VTMB Paintings (part 17)

The Sisters, oil on canvas (Circa 1890) by Percy Harland-Fisher

Percy Harland-Fisher (1867-1944) was a British painter born in Dulwich, London, UK the youngest of three brothers who all attended the Dulwich Collage which at the time was known for its connections to the art world of the time. He presented artistic paintings at the Royal Academy starting at age 17. As with many artists he painted subjects of interest though tailored to what would sell. This included paintings depicting domestic scenes of the Romany families that lived on the local common. He also had a deep love of animals which often appeared in his more formal portraits. His paintings of children were particularly popular. Most of his paintings are of idilic, simple moments of domestic life, often of subjects from the rural or lower middle class.[1]

In the painting a pair of young sisters in night gowns are opening a wood door to let a flock of all white morning doves in during the day. Two of the doves that face the girls have their tail feathers spread. I was unable to find any online analysis of this piece or of the meaning behind the doves act of flailing their tails. So I'm not sure if the doves are trying to impress the girls in a sign of mating behavior with the girls looking down in amusement on the birds for their foolishness or ifs the two doves trying to assert dominance over each other other in an attempt to determine a pecking order and to impress the rest of the doves just outside the door while girls are watching as outsiders in amusement. There is some importance to the doves displays as they are the only two doves fully in the fore ground, with their light feathers contrasting to the dark woods and are what the two girls are looking at. And while Percy Harland Fisher painting idyllic scenes did not mean that they were all just meant to be surface value beauty devoid of meaning or commentary. Even choosing to paint Romany families ( who at the time were referred to as Gypsies and still to this day face discrimination) and where with the same level of care that he applied to his own family members was a subtle but impactful choice. (see Below)

Gertrude Fisher by The Lake. Pastel (c1911) by Percy Harland-Fisher

"Gertrude Fisher was Percy’s younger sister. She lived with Percy prior to his marriage to Catherine Hudson at The Knightons in Gordon Road. The Fisher family was a close knit family."[1]

Gypsy child (also known as Gypsy Girl or Temptation) Oil on Canvas. (c1930) by Percy Harland-Fisher

"The gypsy community living on the local common were a favourite subject for Fisher. Many of the paintings left in the family’s possession after his death are sketches, watercolours and drawings of the local gypsy community. Although the painting is apparently a young Romany girl, when the museum first acquired the painting a local lady made contact to explain that her sister was the sitter for the picture. She was a Camberley school girl whose look had caught the artist’s eye. She recalled that her sister became bored while sitting for the picture and began picking at the apple in her hands. Mrs Fisher was called into the studio to tell stories to distract her." [1] The alternate title of Temptation is a reference to the apple the girl is holding and the story of Adam and Eve.

Citation

[1]“Percy Harland Fisher (1867 – 1944).” Exploring Surreys Past, Surreys Heath Musem, www.exploringsurreyspast.org.uk/themes/people/artists/fisher/. Accessed 7 Jan. 2024.

[emeritus-moon]

{ENGLISH} Young!Papa Nihil x Angel!Gn!Reader

Request : None

Gender : Neutral

Who : Papa Nihil | Papa Zero (Young)

N/A : {SPOIL Ghost - Chapter Eight} Can we talk about Papa Nihil? I think he's a lovely man... And despite his mistake that we can see in Chapter Eight - Kiss the Go-Goat, we can see that he regrets his actions and that he is ready to do anything to make up for it... Yes, I'm naive and I defend this little grandpa, but at the same time when he doesn't smile like a child fascinated and happy with anything, he gives a sad face that breaks my heart ! We see that he is filled with guilt and that he gives his all but in vain... (and honestly, I am convinced that if the Sister Empress were not there... Nihil would not have killed her sons... But that's my opinion, everyone has their own!) Also, I hesitate to do a part two where I include Sister Imperator.. Or I reserve another idea of ​​Papa Nihil x Reader with her. Because I'm imagining a little story with Nihil who doesn't want to hurt you but doesn't want to disappoint the Sister either. It's up to you to tell me!

- - - : Timeskip

~ ~ ~ : Flashback

- - -

Your name is Y/N. An Angel who never ages, whose physical appearance is stuck at an age between 20 and 30 years old.

Many months ago :

~~~

You have been sent by your God to try to correct the faults of a young man who is nicknamed Papa Nihil. Well, that's what the community of his religion calls him. You just called him Nihil. And it is still the case today.

However, your mission was a failure...                                    Why?

Because you fell in love with the man you had to change, or punish... And this feeling guided you a lot in questioning yourself, well especially questioning your work...

Your God had sent you to teach a lesson or give correction to Nihil, but how would punishing help to do good? If ultimately, the act is not a good thing.

What seemed logical to you, at that moment of reflection, was to accept the young man as he was, so you did it without hesitation.

You did and followed what seemed to you to be the best, the most stable, finally, what makes more sense for you.

Your opinion is, no religion is perfect, in the end, each of them has its positive points as well as its negative points... And if you accepted many other religions in addition to your own, why not this one? What is more or less?

The day of your "mission", at the start, you had been sent in disguise, you wore the same uniform, the same symbols. However, you didn't have the same makeup... You didn't even have any at all.

But Nihil welcomed you with open arms and you infiltrated very quickly among the other members of the abbey. Despite a few inconveniences and the rituals you weren't used to, you got used to it quickly. After all, it had to...

The few friends you made made you up and taught you how to do it every morning until you got used to it. They helped you feel at home, despite the work you had to do every day. And it wasn't so bad.

Since your arrival, Nihil was always around. That's what your new "colleagues" pointed out to you.

He wasn't suspicious, no... He seemed fascinated and happy.

Everyday, he used to be tense due to the endless work he had been carrying on his back for a long time. But since you arrived in the abbey, just your presence has brightened his day in this cold building.

~~~

Tonight, as you prepare to return to your quarters after washing up, Nihil calls you. And, turning back to him, you then see the fascination with your unmade-up face, as he saw you the first time, and his shy smile forming as he gently extends his hand towards you before to propose :

"- Can I take you for a ride, Y/N?

"- Papa Nihil, I'm not dressed properly for a cold night at the abbey!" you laugh.

Nihil, seeing that you are only in a long but light dressing gown, then grabbed his cape which he is carrying on his back and he helps you put it on your shoulders.

After a while, you accept his offer when you see his sweet gaze almost begging you. So you go out.

- - -

Nihil took you to the Abbey Gardens. Magnificent gardens filled with dark red or white roses, some flowers of different kinds of the same color or black. This garden, your peers would surely not appreciate it, but you do it.

The young man called Papa stopped on a bridge over a river in the terrace, which surprised you a bit and, honestly, worried you. But your worry disappears when you see him smile softly at you as he grabs your hands and kisses the knuckles of one of them.

A blush quickly spreads over your cheeks and you pray with all your heart that Nihil didn't notice.

The man looks at you straight in the eyes, and says in a hurry :

"- I'm not going to cut corners... I'm not hiding from you that I don't want to confess. So just- let me... Will you?"

After his words, you feel his lips rest against yours.

The kiss is sweet, Nihil can almost convey his stress from it, but you ignore that little detail and all you do is melt into the kiss.

Your act reassured Nihil and the man relaxes before interlacing his fingers with yours as you always hold hands.

The kiss got a little deeper, but neither of you made it rough, both of you wanting to take your time.

His lips taste like makeup, due to the makeup he still wears on his face, but the taste isn't strong or disturbing. And then, in your eyes, it's quite original, and Nihil is the only one wearing makeup that you know, apart from the sisters of the abbey, so that makes him, in a way, unique.

After a while, you separate, quietly catching your breath. A silence settled, but this one is not awkward.

You put your foreheads together and your eyes close.

But suddenly, one thing comes to mind : your different "camps"...

This worried you quickly and made you anxious right away, which surprised Nihil who tries somehow to calm you down with soft and reassuring words. And that's when you decide to tell him...

"- Nihil... We can't...

- Amore... Why...?

- I-I-I lied...

- Lied?

- I-I'm not a simple girl who wanted to convert to your religion! I'm not a sister like the others in the abbey... I-I-"

Your eyes met, Nihil's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but you don't see any anger in his eyes, you just see him trying to understand, but failing. So you explain everything to him briefly, but correctly.

"- I was sent by my God... Their goal was to reconvert you, you, to them. It was my job to attract you to us! Because supposedly... you are different, and for them , being different is wrong. But in the end, what's wrong with being different? I mean... We all are! I can't take this pressure anymore... I can't take you anymore. do that, I'd rather give up my mission than change you against your will! And because- because I love you like you are Daddy!"

A new silence had settled. Pressure followed, and it was too much for you.

You fall on your knees, Nihil's cape slipping off your shoulders. You felt the cold outside deepen and slap on your not much covered back, but you did nothing to protect yourself from the cold. All you do, right now, is hide your face behind your hands. You dare not look Nihil in the eyes anymore, feeling shame surround you with its unhealthy aura.

After several seconds that felt like an awful eternity, you felt the cape slowly come up over your shoulders.

Raising your head with hesitation, you met Nihil's face again. He then gave you a small smile. After this, you collapse again and fall into his arms, taking him by surprise.

This doesn't mean that he rejects you, no, on the contrary. Nihil sits properly on the floor and pulls you closer to him, hugging you gently, as if you could shatter into a thousand pieces in his arms.

You stay for several minutes, sitting on the cold and slightly damp deck until your crying stops.

After just a few gasping sounds, Nihil gently grabs your chin to lift your face towards him :

"- Looks like you've made a sin, Tesoro."

A smile once again tender, but at the same time sly, slips on his lips. A blush appears again on your face and this time, it does not go unnoticed by Papa Nihil.

The man laughs before leaning down and kissing your lips.

The kiss ends faster than the previous one and Nihil looks you straight in the eye, this time holding your face in his hands.

"- I will accept you as you are, as you did for me Y/N."

You did not have time to answer, that he once again shared his lips with yours. You then decide to stay on deck for a while, enjoying the silence and tranquility offered by the night.

You will surely have problems with your colleagues... But it doesn't matter if they reject you, since Nihil does not.

After all...

...you accept yourself as you are.

[mariacallous]

Voters on Navajo, Apache, and Hopi reservations helped swing Arizona for the Democrats in 2020. In response, the Republican governor and state legislature have curtailed ballot access for an already marginalized constituency.

To vote in the 2020 Presidential election, Frank Young rode a horse to the polls in Kayenta, Arizona. He was fifty-eight years old, and it was the first time he’d ever cast a ballot. Young is a citizen of the Navajo Nation, the country’s most populous Native American tribe, with nearly four hundred thousand members. About forty per cent of them live on a reservation that spans more than twenty-seven thousand square miles, an area larger than West Virginia. When we met, not far from his home in Rough Rock, a small Native community tucked under the mesa where his livestock grazes, he was wearing cowboy boots and a wide-brimmed black hat that sat low over a broad face weathered from years tending his animals. Two years ago, when his daughter convinced him that another Trump Presidency would be disastrous for Native Americans, Young decided that the best way to “protect the sacred” was to travel into battle the way his ancestors had. “We used to use horses to fight our enemies,” he said. “So my idea was, We’re gonna beat red. And we’d do it on horseback, and the horses will carry our culture and our democratic tradition and that will help us get it back.” Forty other riders joined him on an eight-mile ceremonial ride to vote at the local chapter house, the seat of the tribal government, which doubles as a polling site.

There are close to five million Native Americans of voting age in the United States, but only sixty-six per cent of them are registered to vote. Young said that he previously chose not to participate in American elections because the state and federal governments—he called them “colonizers”—had oppressed his people for centuries, extracting their timber, minerals, and ore, and leaving them to languish on land stripped of its value. “I just felt that our votes didn’t matter,” he told me.

It was an explanation that I heard a lot as I made my way across Arizona’s Navajo, Apache, and Hopi reservations, where human habitation is sparse, and flat-topped mountains preside over scrubby grass valleys. Native Americans have the highest rate of poverty in the nation—around twenty-seven per cent. As the pandemic took hold, the rate of unemployment soared to nearly twenty-nine per cent, reaching rates not seen in this country since the Great Depression. What this looks like on the ground is stunning: whole communities that live in substandard housing and, in 2022, lack electricity and running water. A former state legislator from the region said, “If you were told that there’s a Third World country in the middle of Arizona, you would not believe it. Yet people here still have to haul water, they have to use kerosene lanterns, and they have to use outhouses.”

Vida Begay, a Navajo woman from Indian Wells, Arizona, explained that people there had to strap two-hundred-gallon plastic water tanks—each of which can cost upward of two hundred dollars—to the back of their vehicles, filling them every few days, even in the depths of winter, when they have the tendency to freeze and crack open. On an Apache reservation, in Whiteriver, Lydia Dosela told me that there are members of her community who, because they can’t afford transportation, hitchhike to the town of Pinetop-Lakeside, twenty-five miles away, to work. “If it’s a choice between paying for gas and feeding their family, they are going to feed their family,” she said. As we toured her village, where stray dogs roam in packs, we passed the remains of a community center that had burned down after its copper wires were stripped by vandals. Dosela pointed to a small, windowless, unheated shed, the prefabricated kind that is meant to store tools and other equipment, and said that five people had been living in it.

Both Begay and Dosela are organizers with Northeast Arizona Native Democrats, hired to educate their communities about elections, garner support for Democratic candidates, and encourage voting. It is challenging work. Poverty and geography have combined to create structural barriers that thwart voting on sovereign Native lands. Poor people in the United States vote less than those with higher incomes, generally, but the remoteness of many communities and a general lack of reliable transportation make voting even more difficult for many Native Americans. In Navajo County, for example, which covers ten thousand square miles, there are only seventeen ballot drop boxes and twelve early-voting sites. Because local election offices are underfunded, the hours that those sites are open are often limited. The million-and-a-half acre Hopi Reservation has just three places where people can vote in person on Election Day. Early voting by mail helps Native voters, but post-office boxes can cost money that people may not have, and, in communities where there are not enough boxes to go around, residents sometimes have no choice but to get their mail delivered to towns that are hours away. There are only eleven post offices and sixteen additional sites that provide postal services across the entire Navajo reservation in Arizona. By contrast, West Virginia has seven hundred and twenty-five.

“Most of the time, when you have a post-office box, it makes voting a lot easier,” Allison Neswood, an attorney at the Native American Rights Fund, told me. “But, for Native communities, that’s not necessarily the case. The ones that are more rural, more remote, are farther from post offices, and the same obstacles to picking up the mail—Are the roads passable? Does my family have a vehicle that I can use?—also create barriers to voting.” (The majority of roads in Navajo Nation are unpaved and, in some parts of the reservation, only one in ten people owns a car. ) For tribal members who do not speak or read English and need language assistance, voting in person is the only option. But, for those who live in, for example, Teec Nos Pos, which is ninety-five miles from the nearest polling location, or for members of the Kaibab Paiute tribe, who have to travel two hundred and eighty-five miles to an early-voting site, voting in person may not be an option.

This year, Frank Young will once again ride his horse to the polls. His daughter, Allie, meanwhile, who is a program manager at the social-justice nonprofit, Harness, is sponsoring rides to register and to vote in other parts of Arizona, as well as in rural Black and Latino neighborhoods in Texas and Georgia. In her own community, Allie Young said, the show of civic engagement is meant to highlight a long history of voter suppression that continues to stymie Native Americans’ access to the ballot box. “The spirit of the horse represents strength and healing,” she said. “When we put our trust in the horse, it takes us where we need to go.”

Neither the Fifteenth Amendment, which prohibits both the state and federal governments from denying (male) citizens the right to vote based on race, nor the Snyder Act of 1924, which explicitly granted citizenship to Native Americans, enfranchised them in Arizona, because the Constitution left it up to the states to decide who could vote. That right wasn’t fully extended to Indigenous people residing in Arizona until 1948. Even then, state-sanctioned literacy tests continued to block many Native Americans from registering, until the practice was struck down by a Supreme Court decision in 1970, five years after the Voting Rights Act abolished such tests nationwide. At a campaign rally I attended in Cameron, a place known for its abandoned uranium mines and high rates of cancer, Theresa Hatathlie, a Navajo woman running for State Senate, told the crowd, “For a long time, my mother and my father were not allowed to vote. So when they were finally given that right, whether it was the primary, or the general, or a special election, no matter the distance, whether it was raining, snowing, hailing, they went to vote. They reminded us that our people, our ancestors, encountered all this hardship and all these challenges just to vote.”

In 2020, Native Americans, who comprise six per cent of the Arizona population, voted in numbers never before seen and are largely credited with turning the state blue. According to the Associated Press, voters on the Navajo and Hopi reservations cast seventeen thousand more votes in 2020 than they had four years earlier, a majority of them for Biden, who won the state by about ten and a half thousand votes. With Trump promising to reopen the uranium mines, seizing sacred lands, and threatening to renege on the 1868 treaty that allowed Navajos to return to their ancestral homeland, the prospect of a Republican victory was existential. Jordan Harvill, the national program director for Advance Native Political Leadership, an Indigenous-led nonprofit that works to increase Native American political representation, told me, “After years of chronic underinvestment and voter suppression in Native communities, Native voters proved to be a decisive voting bloc in 2020.”

Rather than trying to appeal to Native voters, the Republican legislature and governor are, instead, actively working against them. The 2021 Supreme Court decision in Brnovich v. Democratic National Committee, a case that originated in Arizona, essentially neutered the section of the Voting Rights Act which prohibits states from passing laws that result “in a denial or abridgement” of the right to vote “on account of race or color.” In an opinion written by Samuel Alito, the Court’s conservative majority ruled that a law passed by the Arizona legislature, which made it illegal for a person to return the ballot of a friend or neighbor to a drop box or polling location, and disqualified voters who cast ballots in the wrong location, did not violate the Voting Rights Act. In an amicus brief, lawyers for the Navajo Nation pointed out, “Arizona’s ballot collection law criminalizes ways in which Navajos historically participated in early voting by mail. Due to the remoteness of the Nation and lack of transportation, it is not uncommon for Navajos to ask their neighbors or clan members to deliver their mail.” The 2022 election will be the first time ballot collection will be outlawed. There is little doubt that it will suppress the Native vote.

The law’s prohibition against out-of-precinct voting is also likely to undercut Native representation. Indian reservations tend to lack street addresses—by one count, fifty thousand properties do not have a fixed address—so when people there register to vote they have to draw a map of where they live in order to be assigned to the correct precinct. But, in practice, this often leads to voters being placed in the wrong precinct or not getting a precinct assignment at all. Although they may be able to cast a provisional ballot, Arizona rejects provisional ballots more frequently than any other state, and a substantial number of those rejected ballots are from Indigenous communities. And though the state now allows voters to identify their domicile with a code from Google that uses latitude and longitude to create a shareable digital address, numerous challenges, starting with Internet access and poor cell service, make this difficult to implement on reservations. Casey Lee, a thirty-three-year-old Navajo chef, started registering voters in and around Kayenta after the pandemic forced him to shutter his food truck; he told me that he now spends much of his time finding Google codes for his neighbors.

Since the Brnovich decision, the legislature has continued to pass more laws that target Native Americans and other people of color, who tend to vote for Democrats. Voters now must “cure” ballots when there is a mismatch between the signature on file and the signature on the ballot by 7 P.M. on Election Day—previously, they had seven days to do so—a hurdle that is likely to be too high for most people living on reservations. Another law bans local election offices from receiving funding from outside organizations, despite chronic underfunding of those offices, especially on reservations. Two additional laws make it easier for registered voters to be removed from the voter-registration database. “The colonization of our people is not over,” the former state legislator told me. “And one of the most glaring forms is attacking our voting rights. It is the easiest way to take the power away from Indigenous communities. And so it continues to happen.”

Redistricting has also hit Native communities hard. Districts that were created to empower Native Americans have now been sliced and diced to mute Native voices. District 2, for instance, now encompasses sixty per cent of Arizona’s landmass, including fourteen of the state’s twenty-two tribes. It is the most Native voting district in the state. But the newly drawn map adds a large Republican county, diluting the Native vote and giving the advantage to white Republicans. This new map is a direct legacy of the Supreme Court’s 2013 decision in Shelby v. Holder, which effectively eliminated the provision of the Voting Rights Act that required the Justice Department to review changes to voting rules in states with a history of racial and ethnic discrimination before they could be adopted—what is known as “preclearance”—in order to insure that those changes would not harm minority voters. Without preclearance, states are now free to discriminate at will.

It was the twelfth day of early voting when I arrived in Dilkon, a town of fewer than two thousand people in the southwestern corner of the Navajo reservation. I followed a “Vote Here Today” sign to the town’s chapter house, an unassuming, dun-colored building on a dusty side road. The radio station KTNN, “the Voice of the Navajo Nation,” had set up in a parking lot a few hundred feet away, and was broadcasting a mix of country songs, tribal music, and exhortations to vote. Women crowded into a makeshift kitchen inside a horse trailer, preparing pozole, a pork-and-hominy stew. People arrived in fits and starts, most dropping off ballots before sitting down at folding tables to eat. Cindy Honani, an organizer from Mission for Arizona, a group funded by the Democratic Party, told me that it was the first time they had served hot food at a campaign event. The organizers hoped that both the stew and the presence of the radio station would draw a hundred people by day’s end. It was unseasonably cold—it snowed that morning—and people ate in a hurry and left. The mood was serious, not festive.

On the other side of the road was a neat row of compact houses. Begay told me that each one might have fifteen people living in it. That was the reason that COVID tore through the Navajo Nation, she said. (In May, 2020, there were more COVID cases per capita on the reservation than anywhere in the country.) “If one person got COVID, there was no place for them to isolate, so it went through the houses here like wildfire.” Masks are still required on the reservation, and, as I drove along Indian Route 15, it was not unusual to see hand-painted signs reminding people to wear them.

Missa Foy, the chair of the Navajo County Democrats, told me that, during the 2020 election, the pandemic had curtailed door-knocking and other traditional get-out-the-vote activities. “We had been on the ground since 2019, doing year-round deep canvassing, and when the pandemic hit we were not going to go out there and tell anyone to vote because it was just not the right thing to do,” she said. “So we came together as a team and said, ‘Let’s see who needs help. Let’s see what we can do.’ ” The group began connecting people with needed services, including meal boxes and P.P.E. “This wasn’t a branded effort,” Foy said. “We weren’t saying, ‘The Democratic Party is calling to save you.’ We just did it as community service.”

This effort was being run almost entirely by women. Later on, Foy and her colleagues decided to try to replicate it for voting, training community matriarchs on the ins and outs of voter registration and early voting, introducing them to candidates, and familiarizing them with the ten propositions that are on the midterm ballots. There are now a hundred and sixty-four matriarchs who have pledged to get their extended families to the polls. One of them, Lorraine Coin, a sixty-five-year-old Hopi woman I visited in Second Mesa, told me, “Women are the fire keepers of the house. When the kids come home from school, who is the first person they want to see? The mom, of course. And when the mom or grandmother or auntie talks, they are going to listen.”

Not long before I left Arizona, I drove around the town of Pinon with Suzy Etsitty, a medical-transportation driver who has worked to elect Democrats since 2014. Before that, she said, she “didn’t know crap about politics.” Now she regularly debates her Republican relatives, most of whom live off the reservation, about abortion, immigration, and inflation. And she can persuade her neighbors to register and vote because their lives depend on it. “I tell them that their social security is at stake,” she said. “That their rights are at stake. That we get funding from the government for our schools and our hospitals and for things like food stamps.”

Pinon is a dusty outpost of just over a thousand residents. As we drove, Etsitty, who lives out of town in a house built by her grandfather decades earlier, with her infirm mother and teen-age nieces, pointed out the public-school dormitory where she boarded until third grade. A housing development for the school’s teachers, many of whom have come to this isolated high desert from the Philippines, stood between the high school and a horse paddock. A sign welcoming visitors warned against social gatherings and listed other COVID prohibitions. Not far from the sole grocery store for nearly fifty miles, she showed me the post office where her midterm ballot was waiting for her, and the drop box where she would deposit it. “If Republicans get their way, they are going to do away with our voting rights,” she said. “That’s what really scares me.” ♦

[i-am-hughesgroup]

AN (UN)OFFICIAL INTRODUCTION

I got hit with the FanFic bug about two months ago for Thai actors MewGulf who represented a BL novel called TharnType. My passion for this has been endless. Everyone has to be hot potatoes about something right? ***Sigh***

Believe me when I say that I had never heard of FanFic as a writing platform before this! The idea of writing for someone else’s hard work seemed disrespectful. I didn’t understand it as a useful writing tool like prompts. Slowly I realized that sometimes readers become so enthused that it creates a void others try to fill.

Seriously, I’ve heard so much in conjunction with these apps authors use to publish. Watt Pad and Medium are the two I have ventured into. With AI emergence I’ve been hit square in the face, that as a new, trying to be published author, the creative space is wearing thin. The ideas are flowing but constantly in the back of my mind is ‘AI’ can do it better. I kind of feel like the most important part of me, the part that puts words to paper has gotten lost to the shuffling of time. I was always hoping others can relate, and no one, when reading my work, would be looking for the color of my skin. You got what you got. Simple.

Now I feel that writing is definitely for the young.

At this moment just from introductions I have read on Tumblr alone, it seems a writer must dig into to the very heart of themselves just to be heard. The inquiries expected when reading my work have expanded. It’s no longer whether I’m old, or I’m black, or a little too strong in vocalizing my thoughts into something easily read. It’s about influence in numbers or worry that I may not have enough influence to get those numbers. May not have enough views or likes. As I was slow at one time to understand, FanFic, is vicious! If you go there…be prepared! Social Media has definitely made it real.

Goddess I love it!

Maybe I should have said that with a little more professional candor. But I am hoping that you see my point in the messy message.

I can fight AI.

AI is the toolkit that has nothing to do until someone picks it up.

It’s prophetic future is indeed coming with a wave of solutions and societal changes. It can imitate our speech and talk about religion. It can even tell us how to solve life’s problems. But always I am reminded that with all its miraculous possibilities, it still has no heart. FanFicis a perfect example of this.

MewGulf, these FanFic idols, created The Waanjai, “Sweethearts” for the non Thai speakers, of which I am a shameless member. My crazy found a home in millions of people from all over the world! And I got my writing groove back because of it. For weeks I stood outside the light because I couldn’t answer a simple question…who am I?

For now, I am a writer, a poet, and an artist for whatever reason I may need. I love being able to better visualize my characters. I love being apart of the writers community. More importantly, my happiness comes from being a WAANJAI.

Why?

Because every writer, has so much to offer. Without writers a suffering voice can go unheard. Freedom to express yourself or fight for your rights would go unnoticed. Words are a powerful tool that move society forward. I love being apart of collective. If I had only today to tell anyone who I am as a person, as a writer, I would say I am a collective communicator. I don’t want to write just for one woman of one community. I want to want write in the voice of all women everywhere. Sharing like FanFic is shared and loved by many. Our footsteps are the same no matter where in the world we live.

As I gain my public voice and broker the silence, I can only hope my characters reach as many people as I am, with humility, allowed.

S.A. Hughes

[thelibrarylesstrektraveled]

A Writer's Review... Promised by jawritter

I am a writer. I was born to be one, its my joy and my torment. And it is my honor.

I find new and utterly fantasic stories here daily and I am honored to be a contributing member of the writing community! Each and every one of these authors is a gem. They selfelessly share their intricate worlds with us so that we can escape! It is a public service and vital to my personal well-being.

There are not words to express my gratitude.... but that doesn't mean I won't still try to find some!

As writers, we read. Even more than we write. So... what do we read? Here is an in-depth review of one of my favorites! Along with a few other recommendations.

I intend to post reviews regularly. I've got quite a list of stories I adore, but I'm always looking for more! So please share this review and send a few recommendations my way! Tag your own stories, tag other people... I don't want to miss any of them!

Thank you all and share the love!!

Story Name: Promised

Author: jawritter

Character Pairing: Alpha!Jensen x Omega!reader

Length: 10 Chapters, 25,084 words total

Story Type: Series - ABO, AU Real life, Mob dynamics, Age gap

Author’s Description: In a world where your presentation can be a blessing or a curse, a newly presented Omega will come face to face with the harsh reality of Alphas, Omegas, and pack alliances that are expected to be upheld with the union of your two families.

Warnings:  ABO dynamics! Smut, unprotected smut, knotting, claiming, mating, heat, rut, language, overly protective Jensen, age gap! 19-year-old reader, 41-year-old Jensen, virgin reader, loss of virginity, sort of an arranged marriage, hint at possible mob type settings.

My Two Cents:  They say you never forget your first, and that is certainly the case for me!  This absolute gem of a story was my introduction to the world of ABO fan fiction (aka Alpha/Beta/Omega) and I’ve been hooked ever since!  This may be in part to the perspective of the reader, who is a novice.  Young and naïve to the world in general as well as to the complex dynamics between Alphas and Omegas.  This allowed me to discover and understand this unique concept at the same pace the reader did. 

Our dear author is truly a master at quickly establishing the relationship bonds between the main characters and their prospective families and friends.  I greatly appreciate this quality in a story.  Background information is crucial in a well-developed character but can be clunky when not handled with finesse.  Here, those relationships are woven in seamlessly to the over-all plot but never weigh the story down.  Bravo!

Another highlight are the physical descriptions.  Anyone who knows Jensen Ackles from his work, can easily imagine him in a reader insert story. 

That is, after all, why we are all here! 

Yet this story is filled with vivid details that even I hadn’t thought of in my wildest daydreams!  There is a visceral warmth to this version of Jensen that I find beyond appealing.  I find myself rereading this story most often when I am feeling uncertain in my life.  When I need to feel that someone strong is in charge, so I don’t have to be, Alpha Jensen has me. 

Favorite Chapter: Chapter Nine. Here we get to see Jensen let loose his primal Alpha instincts that he’s kept under careful control up until this point.  And its glorious!  It has the best elements of how vicious Demon Dean could be and focused it in a powerful man who is willing to do anything in defense of his mate.  Fantastic!  He’s desperate and he’s truly dangerous in this chapter.  And I am here for it!

Favorite Line: “You know, before I came here tonight with Y/n I promised her something…. I promised her I would protect her. You made me break that promise.. I don’t appreciate that. I’ll be spending the rest of my life making it up to her….” 

“I told her if you tried anything I’d rip your throat out….. With my teeth…”

Jensen’s vision went red, All he saw was red… 

Why I Love it:  It’s the perfect length.  I read one shots and they have their place, but I always find myself wanting more of that world!  But let’s face it, some series’ (although awesome!) are long, and that’s a commitment.  I don’t always have the luxury of time, this length strikes just the right balance.  I get Jensen in a protective but not possessive role.  I get a naïve reader who is innocent but not spineless.  I get steamy sex scenes.  I get an interesting but not over-bearing mob dynamic.  There is plenty of threat but not much violence, which is a nice change up. 

Mood I’m in When I Read it– I’m a strong person, but there are times when I need someone else to be strong.  I need to be comforted.  I need to believe in love and escape.  And when I am feeling over-whelmed, I often come here and let Alpha Jensen take the reins for a while.  He does a great job!

I Want More! : If you loved this as much as I did, here are some other stand-out stories that you might enjoy…

Feral @jawritter Can We Fix Us @jawritter If Its Meant to Be (Alpha Beau x Omega Reader) @jawritter Unleashed @supersleepygoat Reasons @merethehunter Feral @luci-in-trenchcoats The Things We Don’t Believe In (Alpha!Sam x Omega!reader) @thecleverdame

[thelostgirl21]

So, guess who ended up watching the whole "Jobriath A.D." documentary, crying her eyes out over a guy singing about Sunday Brunch in his pyramid, and making a whole video dedicated to Jobriath and Hugh's performance as Radovid?

Actually, I also made another version (unlisted) for those of you that are already familiar with the artist, and might want to enjoy some of his music and the visuals without being distracted by the text at the bottom:

But yeah, I'm kind of so sad and upset that I never got to know about him before (given how huge of a fan of David Bowie I've been since my teenage years), and that the gay community totally failed to support him, back then.

I mean, I'm not blaming them. We've had the same issue with feminism where we used to make it all about women assuming more traditional men roles; until we finally realized that it was just as important to give more social value to traditionally perceived feminine qualities, traits, interests, and professions - in men, women, and any other gender, really - as well!

So, I can recognize that the gay community attempting to distance itself from the whole "flamboyant fairy" image likely came from the rest of society attempting to reduce them to it (among others), and creating some kind of convenient "right" vs "wrong" way to be gay narrative (a divided minority is much less powerful and loud than a united one).

Even today, we are facing a similar issue with some members of the LGBTQ+ community claiming to be part of the "LGB" without the "TQ+".

Note: the "B" of that "LGB" is often barely tolerated as a "temporary transitional phase", though; a "stepping stone" towards either the "L" or "G", or a return to being "straight".

Ultimately, it's about our survival instincts making us fear losing the relative safety we've acquired by being positively accepted and valued by those that hold the most power.

i.e. The "TQ+" is too controversial and different from the cisgender monosexual majority to be readily accepted?

Well, let's distance ourselves from it to keep us "LG"s safe, then!

While, of course, reassuring the dominant majority that the "B" will eventually choose a side, so its okay to let them come along while they are still "searching themselves". No worry! We're still as "normal" as you are!

It's all very, very binary.

No, it's not. The world is filled with beauty, diversity and nuance...

And sadly, by rejecting a part of our collective identity to better "fit in", we are sacrificing a part of our very own soul and culture. We are hurting ourselves and giving up power, not acquiring it.

So yeah, I'm not "blaming the victims" by accusing the gay community of any intentional wrongdoing back then, but JFC! It hurts.

It really hurts that he didn't receive comfort, love, and support from his very own people, at the very least, when the mainstream audience lashed out at him.

Yes, the publicity and the hype built around him made everything worse and gave off the wrong image (he probably came off as being a bit of a "self-absorbed prick", rather than someone in a position of great vulnerability), but they freaking ate him alive out there!

And he deserved better not because he was incredibly gifted and talented, but because he was a freaking human being.

What his talent and giftedness had to offer us was a voice, though, that we allowed to be silenced, and the world and our culture became lesser for it.

Jobriath did pave the way for others to then succeed, but I'm against the idea that someone needs to fall and sacrifice themselves so that others may rise. Yes, it happens, but it shouldn't have to.

I don't believe for one second that it is or was ever necessary.

But if it does happen, then yes, I say make it count for something, at the very least!

So, maybe that's why I'm so touched by the fact that Hugh listened to his music and drew inspiration from it while portraying his character.

40 years after his death, you now have a young openly gay actor being offered the role of an openly gay prince (that later becomes king) on a major fantasy show that isn't specifically about LGBTQ+ themes (like, say, "Sense8" could be considered to be), who is listening to Jobriath's music to help him connect with, build, and embody his character.

And, while I am genuinely glad that some artists are doing covers of his songs (ex: Adam Lambert with "Imaman") and bringing people's attention towards his work...

In Hugh's case, I think that what I find really touching is the fact that there's an element of "practicality" to it, if I'm making any sense? A connection that seems to be more internalized / intimate between the two artists...

Art is a means of self-expression, and sometimes you are trying to express a message, an emotion, or an idea that you wish to share with others in the world, and allow it to take a life of its own.

So, it's like the music Jobriath created - that little part of himself and the things he wished to communicate with the world that he left behind - is being listened to and welcomed by Hugh, and then combined with his own creative sensitivities to be integrated within a theatrical performance.

The spirit of what was initially shared lives on, while evolving and taking on a new form that will then go on to connect with people in a different way.

It's not so much about celebrating the songs themselves and paying tribute to the artist's work by covering them, but becomes about honoring the artist's spirit and the emotions, themes, ideas, etc. those songs were covering.

And I am genuinely not saying that one way of connecting with the artist's work or expressing appreciation for it is better than the other, not at all.

Just that as a non-professional artist myself, the idea of leaving anything behind that would have the power to touch a fellow artist's soul, help them grow as a performer, and continue to express and explore certain themes that I personally connected with at that time in my life - even if I would no longer be there to personally guide them - would be incredibly moving and make me feel like art really has the power to transcend boundaries and even death itself.

Because Jobriath's songs tackled issues related to identity, gender, relationships and self-discovery, among others...

And Radovid, as a character, is very gentle...

He's sensitive, empathetic, boyish, openly admits to being scared, freaking huddles himself in a corner to cry when he finds out his guards have been slaughtered...

I mean, when it comes down to it, all Radovid really wanted, this season, was a pretty song and someone to love and belong with...

Someone that could see him as he really is, and see some value in who he is, too...

So Jaskier, sweetheart, listen to Milva...

Because, let's be honest, you're a bit useless in the whole "rescuing Ciri" venture. I mean, you're not useless now, since Geralt is still recovering from his physical and emotional injuries, does greatly benefit from having his emotional support bard around, and you're not quite entirely done holding out interviews to find him new useful companions to watch after him and help him on his quest (don't think I didn't notice what you were doing with Milva!)...

But ultimately, this is going to involve a lot of fighting, and that's not where you're at your strongest.

However, there's a King in need of some serious rescuing, too, that could really use your wits, ability to know, influence and inspire people, and your Sandpiper connections.

You're not a hammer, you're a fellow spoon, luv; and the whole mess that Radovid has been thrown into is a situation that would most definitely requires two spoons, at the very least!

Thankfully, you've already proven that you know how to make two spoons work together very well, and become an effective weapon to annoy the hell out of those trying to keep people trapped!

You and Radovid pooling your own respective resources and joining forces together?

Philippa and Dijkstra would be so fucked... So, so fucked... And not in the "fun way".

So, as soon as Geralt has sufficiently recovered and has enough people with him to watch his back out there, get back to Radovid ASAP and get your whole "spooning thing" on, alright?

Fair warning: He might specifically need a big spoon to help dig him out of the whole mess that's threatening to bury him alive right now... Just saying!

Anyway, getting sidetracked again!

I guess my point is that Radovid is displaying the kind of emotional intelligence, insightfulness, and empathetic qualities that are more traditionally associated with feminine characters.

And that, if they are to ever make him rise to a position of great power within the kingdom, the worst possible thing Netflix could do is probably make him lose those qualities.

If princesses, in fantasy, have been allowed to gain power and become beloved queens through their compassionate and nurturing nature, their ability to genuinely care about the fate of every living person (and even creature) on their land, and "triumph over evil" by building mutually beneficial alliances with said people and creatures, so should a freaking gentle and sensitive gay prince, I say!

There really is no need to "harden Radovid", and change the very core of who he is just to "give him power".

To have him become more confident and assertive in who he is and what he can do, absolutely!

But using his trauma as an excuse to make him become some kind of angry, "tough", paranoid, uncaring and controlling leader? No.

Especially in a context where Radovid is a character that people are expecting to become hard and cruel because of his videogame counterpart, please be brave enough to completely defy those expectations by letting him be his own person!

Because Netflix's version of Radovid, thus far, is a superb example of queer representation done right, too.

And I'm going to attempt to phrase that as best as I can, so hopefully what I'm saying won't be misunderstood, but having a queer actor portray a queer character does offer an added layer of authenticity to the role.

Don't get me wrong, I'm far from opposed to the idea of having straight actors portraying certain queer characters in a context where gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc. actors are also being offered straight roles.

I'm a huge fan of Malec (the pairing of Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood), and I think that Harry Shum Jr. and Matthew Daddario did an amazing job portraying a very realistic and domestic relationship between a bisexual man and a gay man.

They both approached the roles with lots of humility, openness, asked for the queer community's guidance and feedback on their portrayal of the relationship (the fact that some of their fellow cast members on the show are queer IRL - including Nicola Correia-Damude, that portrays Maryse Lightwood - likely helped), etc.

And, when it came to filming scenes requiring to show a lot of love and intimacy between their two characters, they didn't hold back, either.

So, I do think that you can definitely be straight IRL, and feel confident enough in your own sexuality and in who you are to explore and embrace other orientations through your acting.

Not to mention that having such actors show that they aren't afraid to portray queer characters on TV, and to openly support and associate with the LGBTQ+ community, is setting a positive example for other cisgender straight people out there.

It kind of goes to show that, just because one is exposed to diversity when it comes to love, romance and sexuality, it won't magically "turn them gay".

Because, trust me, if Matthew Daddario didn't magically "become gay" after all those steamy kisses and emotionally/physically intimate scenes he had to film with Harry Shum Jr., likely nothing will!

And most bisexuals I've personally discussed the character of Magnus Bane with did feel like he was an accurate representation of their own sexuality.

Just like, as a panromantic and pansexual person, I'm 100% "vibing" with Joey Batey's portrayal of Jaskier.

I have no idea what Joey's actual sexual orientation is, or why he decided to explore pansexuality with his character before they made it official, but I feel like "he gets me".

Even his decision to make Jaskier become specifically romantically attracted to the way he perceives Radovid's intellect (sapioromantic) - and swoon over how intelligent and insightful he is on screen - is something that I can viscerally connect with, since I'm personally exclusively romantically and sexually attracted towards geeks.

If you were to pay attention to the way I'm looking at my partner dungeon mastering a D&D game, you'd think I was watching him perform a freaking striptease! It's uncanny!

So, even if Joey was to tell me that he is straight, I'd be more than fine and happy to have my own romantic and sexual identity be represented by him. I feel like he truly "gets me", regardless of whether it's from personal experience, or because of his own ability to put himself in other people's shoes and intimately connect with their reality.

It's just that, in Hugh's case, knowing that he is gay, and that the role has a personal significance for him, offers another layer of appreciation for the character and the actor's performance.

He just seems to be so happy to be living at a time and age where you can get that kind of representation in a major fantasy show - where you can have queer characters that are complex, fleshed out, and not reduced to mere stereotypes - and to be given the chance to be a part of the people that are making it happen, that you can't help but feel it, too.

It almost makes me wonder if they cast Hugh Skinner specifically because they knew how different from the videogames their version of Radovid was going to be, and they needed someone that would look like he has such a wonderful time with this role, and is so grateful to be there and be given the opportunity to play him, that hating on the character would literally feel like kicking a puppy!

Me: I don't think I could ever feel as protective over a fictional character as I feel about Jaskier.

Hugh Skinner: Hold my - I mean Jaskier's lute, I've got this!

Me: Ah, crap. Here we go again...

And the sad part is that, back when the whole controversial romance between Radovid and Jaskier was planned and filmed, no one had any idea that it would be Henry Cavill's last season.

But now, they bascially introduced a version of Prince Radovid that is the polar opposite of what the writers of "The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt" came up with, and paired him up with a character that has never been established as being queer in the books and the videogames (Jaskier)...

...right at the height of the angry toxic gaming community's "let's all assume that Henry Cavill is leaving because of the showrunner's blatant 'woke agenda', and all of these outrageous changes that were made to the source material the games (ex: OMG! They decided that a splendid full-figured black woman could fit the book description of "Margarita Laux-Antille emerged from the pool with a splash.. Ciri could not stop herself from taking a peek. She saw Yennefer in the nude many times and she didn't think anyone could have a more beautiful figure. She was wrong. At the sight of a naked Margarita Laux-Antille even marble statues of goddesses and nymphs would sob with jealousy"... HOW DARE THEY?!?!?!), and call for the boycott and cancellation of the series" movement!

Do you guys ever wish that the LGBTQ+ community had some kind of huge "bat signal" to let fellow queers - that, in this more specfic case, haven't seen "The Witcher" yet - know that there's this absolutely amazing queer romance happening on a show that totally deserves their love and attention?

And that said queer romance could really use their love and attention right about now - and throughout the next season - if we've any hope that the show will keep on running and remain popular for as long as humanly possible, given that it has just lost its biggest star (that was playing the main character, no less), and there's a bunch of people that have decided that they would no longer be watching it because of that.

Somehow, I'm just heartbroken over the prospect of the show not having the chance to really further develop Jaskier and Radovid's stories (both their romance, and each individual character's journeys), and the actors not having the chance to fully really portray and develop them.

Radskier is basically "Malec material" being introduced in a show that has a disproportionately high number of angry right-wing ideologists and incels gamers "fans" that are dedicating entire YouTube channels to trying to punish the TV show for daring to have a more inclusive cast and broader view of beauty standards than its videogame counterpart, and making a womanizer keep the same impulsive drive to love and sexually connect with a bunch of different people he becomes spontaneously enamored with, but without said sexual drive being motivated by them being women.

And bits and pieces of that narrative is bleeding into the more moderate audience, without realizing how problematic or nonsensical some of them are at their core.

I wish there was some kind of "Malec fans hotline" you could call to say "Guys! I know this may not be your usual TV show genre, but there's something exceptionally good happening right here that you need to come and checkout! You have two lovers from two different worlds experiencing an instant soul-deep connection in one of the most adorable "meet awkward cute" of TV history. And that connection throws one of them a bit out of a loop, because he's never romantically fallen in love before (he's greyromantic)... And one of them is expected to basically sacrifice all of his own wants and needs to honor his duty, because he was born into a highly regarded and powerful royal family... And he initially tries to conform to his family's expectations, but realizes that it is not who he is... And there's this situation where he keeps some information from the man he loves, and the other realizes it, he becomes scared that he made a mistake trusting him and pushes him away... But then..."

How do we get the audience that is usually into these types of stories to migrate towards "The Witcher"?

*Heavy sigh*

But yeah, all I hope is that Liam Hemsworth's performance as Geralt will be well-received, and that the show will be deemed successful enough for Netflix to continue investing in it so that these storylines and characters will be given the chance to continue to grow and develop...