#incorrect sambucky

[marvelsgirl616]

[womp-womp-chomp-chomp]

Sam coming home to find Bucky watching strange unsolved mysteries: whatcha doing?

Bucky, watching intently: seeing how many of these was me.

Sam: …how many did you find so far?

Bucky: around 8, I’m still not sure about the one.

Sam: 😨

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Bucky: Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about, like he's a good listener.

Sam: I'm sorry, what do you look for in a guy?

Bucky: I don't know, real stuff: shape of his ass.

[give-bucky-his-boyfriend-back]

Bucky: I want to die

Sam: Don't say that! We're in this together

Bucky: Ok.

Bucky: We want to die?

[cobrafantasies]

Sam yawns.

Bucky's mind: Sam needs rest. I should scoop him up in my arms and let him lie peacefully against the warmth of my chest and I won't move until he gets all the sleep he needs so he never yawns again.

Sam: What?

Bucky: Stop yawning.

[obsessedwithmarvelbecausewhynot]

Sam: Shut up.

Bucky: No, you shut up.

Sam: I said that first.

Bucky: Make me then?

Sam: Oh, I will.

Sam: But you might moan a little.

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[faerieriddle]

Sam: “do you ever just see a man so bisexual? Like, you just know that’s a man kisser?”

Bucky wearing cuffed jeans, worn leather jacket, and taking a guilty drag of a cigarette while standing beside a rebuilt motorcycle: “I have no idea what you mean”

[marvelsgirl616]

[womp-womp-chomp-chomp]

Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson as text messages

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Bucky: I've been thinking about asking Sam out for the last couple of weeks, but it's hard. There's so much build up now, you know?

Natasha: Not really. I don't ask people out, I just tell them where we're going.

[give-bucky-his-boyfriend-back]

Sam: Aw you're so tiny like that

Bucky, sleepily: I could beat the shit out of you

Sam, lovingly: I know

[itzsephig5]

Bucky: I owe you one. Sam: That’s ok. You can just date me, and we’ll call it even.

[cobrafantasies]

Sam: How do you look so cute in an apron?

Bucky: I do not look cute *glares*

Sam: You being shy about how cute you look in an apron only makes it cuter.

Bucky: Grow up, Sam. *rolls eyes* How do you want your pancakes with chocolate chips or sprinkles?

[justafewincorrectquotes]

Bucky: you love me, right Sam?

Sam: normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don't like it

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Smooth

Kate, Sam, Bucky, and Yelena chilling tgth.

Kate, to Yelena: When are you going to stop calling me by my last name? Is it a Russian thing? Cuz I swear Bucky does it too.

Bucky: It isn't a Russian thing, it's an assassin thing. And I'm not Russian. Just so happen they are often linked together.

Yelena: I'll stop calling you by your last name, Bishop, once you change it to Belova.

Everyone: ……..

Sam: …Smoooottthh…