#is it supposed to be a pun on complain or is it just two dick jokes combined into another terrible dick joke or both

[mios-art]

can i beg from u a little cumplane art (platonic or romantic)

Venti Iced Lattes blended with strawberry puree, brown sugar syrup, classic syrup, topped off with vanilla sweet cream cold foam blended with strawberry puree and with add on strawberry inclusions and salted brown butter topping with less ice...

Yeah...

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous (Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas) [Helluva Boss] pt. 7 - Ozzie's

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

It's a date! (But is it really?)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus | pt. 6 | pt. 8 | pt. 9

Word count: 5,212

Warnings: you ask blitz to not be a dick and what does he do? yeah he's a bit of a dick. a big reveal abt reader's past (will be explored more in depth later), terrible just awful communication skills.

Alright, however much blood you got on yourself, business today was kind of pretty fucking awesome. 

The four of you walk through the portal, all still riding high on the adrenaline rush the day’s kills provided you. Blitzø’s the first to set foot back into the office, throwing his head back and brandishing his new axe around. “Woo! That was a fuckton of lumberjacks!” 

There were eleven of them, to be exact.

Moxxie walks in right after him, looking a little too excited as he held up a chainsaw, still on and rumbling.

Millie’s next, covered in more blood than anyone else, as usual- clearly in a great mood, going as far as biting the wood handle of the axe she was holding in half.  “Ahh! I’m still so jazzed up!” 

You walk in last, examining the huge new knife you got for yourself, pleased. Nothing like putting down five huge-ass dudes on your own and getting a cool new knife for your collection to get you in a good mood. 

Moxxie discards the chainsaw into the portal, and Loona closes it off. “Well, you better stay jazzed up, babe,” he tells Millie, shooting finger guns at her. “‘Cause guess where I’m taking you tonight?”

“Don’t you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence, Moxxie! Besides, drinks are on me tonight! Let’s hit up the new drive down the street,” Blitzø suggests, excited.

Moxxie looks down to the floor, then back at him. “Actually, sir, it’s our one year marriage anniversary, so I’m taking Millie to Ozzie’s, all the way down in the Lust Ring!” He announces, proud of himself. 

Millie’s eyes immediately light up, and she gasps in excitement at the revelation. “Ozzie’s? No way! That place is always booked.”

Yeah, you should know that. In fact, you already knew Moxxie was taking her there, too- he’d approached you the previous week, asking if you could do him a ‘big favor’. You didn’t know what to expect of this supposed big favor, but when he asked if you could maybe call Ozzie personally and arrange him and Millie a reservation for their anniversary, you let out a laugh.

“Oh, that’s it?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Of course I can, Mox, are you kidding?”

“That’s awesome!” He’d hugged you tight. “Thank you so, so much, y/n!”

You smile, pleased with Millie’s reaction. You knew she’d love it. Moxxie had mentioned he’d tell her you’d helped, but you’d told him not to, leaving all the credit for him. He deserved it. 

He sends you a thankful glance when Millie squeaks out his name and quite literally jumps on him, kissing him all over. The scene is so sweet it’s almost gross. 

“Ugh, can you two not?” Blitzø complains.

Moxxie’s out of breath when he pulls away, looking a little high-headed after the distraction. “I’m sorry, sir. Maybe another time!” 

“Oh, it’s fine! I- I can come with the two of  you, help you celebrate your boring-as-fuck-monogamy.”

There’s no way he just seriously suggested that. “What? Dude. No.”

Moxxie matches your tone. “Yeah. No.The reservation is for us.”

“Uh-huh,” Blitzø agrees, nodding, as if that changes absolutely nothing to him. Did he genuinely not get the hint or is he playing dumb at this point?

“Just. Us. Millie and I.”

“Uh-huh,” he repeats, still nodding as if he doesn’t see the issue. 

“Without you there. Explicitly without you there.”

He completely disregards Moxxie’s words. “I’ll wear something nice. It’s a big deal after all.” Ah, got it. Playing dumb.

Moxxie’s left eye twitches at his attitude, but, in turn, he just turns around, walking towards the door. “You want a ride or not?” He turns back around to ask you, and you try to shoot Moxxie a reassuring look that’s meant to say you’ll get some sense through his skull before you follow him out. “See you lovebugs later!”

You start scolding him as soon as you get to the parking lot. “Could you be any more inconvenient?”

“The fuck do you mean?” 

“The fuck do I mean? They don’t want you there, Blitz. It’s their anniversary. Whatever fantasies you have about them don’t make you a part of their relationship, you realize that, don’t you?” The two of you get to the van, and he unlocks the doors so you can get in before he says anything in return.

“Fuck you, I made that couple happen, bitch. I deserve to be part of this ‘anniversary dinner’. And you do too, I know there ain’t no way Moxxie got that reservation without your help.”

“Yeah and that one-hundred percent does not give me any right to crash their date. Don’t you fucking go to Ozzie’s tonight. You hear me?”

“Ohh keep talking dirty.”

“I’m so serious right now.”

Blitzø scoffs at your threatening tone. “Don’t remember you being the boss of me.”

“I am telling you, as a friend, that you’re being inconvenient. They’ll get pissed at you and they’ll be right to.”

“Yeah well I don’t fucking care.”

“Come on Blitz, just give them a break. I’ll even go with you to that place you wanted to go!” You try. 

“Really?”

“Yeah! It’ll be fun. And very far from Millie and Mox so they can enjoy their night out alone,” you make sure to point out.

“Fine. Whatever.”

Blitzø drops you off at your apartment so you can get ready with a yell of ‘be quick we don’t have all night!’ as he drives off, going home himself to shower and change too before he’s back to pick you up. 

“If I didn’t know you I’d think you’re dressing to impress me here,” he raises an eyebrow suggestively as he gives you a very exaggerated once-over.

“Yeah in your dreams maybe,” you retort immediately, used to his comments by now, as you get into the passenger seat.

“Oh my dreams about you don’t have any clothes involved.”

“Gross.”

He shrugs. “Ready?”

“Sure. What’s the place called again?”

“Uuuuhh, don’t worry about it. We’re going somewhere new.”

You notice he’s extra chatty during the ride, talking your ear off and turning up the radio so the two of you can sing the songs out. You realize why he was going out of his way to distract you when suddenly you take a look out the window and recognize the neighborhood. 

He’s taken you to the Lust Ring, and it’s not very hard to imagine why when he parks just a couple blocks from Ozzie’s. You feel disappointed, and honestly a little naive, to have thought he’d take you to a fun night out instead of just doing whatever he wanted to do. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? This is the one place I said, repeatedly, that we couldn’t go!”

“Oh, boo-hoo, so I’m taking you out on a nice fucking fancy-ass dinner, what a terrible fucking thing to do!”

“Except you’re not taking me out, you just don’t know your fucking boundaries and you wanna spend your sorry-ass night spying on Millie and Moxxie.”

“Eh. Potato, potato.”

“You pronounced it the exact same.”

He shrugs. 

“We’re leaving.”

“What? No!”

“Well I am. And you don’t have a reservation,” you point out, trying to make it clear he’s not getting in. Did he only bring you out with him in the hopes you’d manage to get him a table by pulling some strings? “And you can’t get in without a partner so sucks to be you.”

“Well I’m not taking you anywhere,” he crosses his arms over his chest, matter-of-factly.

“‘Course you’re fucking not. We were supposed to just have some fun tonight. I can’t believe this. You’re a fucking prick, you know that, right?” You let your frustration spill out in your words, and you pull your phone out to see if you can find a ride on Reaper, not in the mood to be out anymore and desperately wanting to get back home at this point.

“Yeah, yeah, and you’re a whiny bitch but I don’t keep telling you that, do I?”

You send him a dirty look, sitting on the curb as you wait for the app to find you a car, and he fucks off to the alleyway behind you to do Satan-knows-what. After a while, still down on your luck with the ride, you’re startled when a portal is opened only a couple feet in front of you, and it takes you a couple seconds to register the fact that it’s Stolas who walks out of it. 

“Stolas?”

“Stolaaass!” Blitzø calls out, as if already expecting him. Was he already expecting him? Is this what you thought it was- you telling him you wouldn’t get into Ozzie’s with him and him just calling Stolas up, simple as ever, to fulfill that role instead?

“What are you doing here?” You ask the prince, not really meaning to sound rude, but it comes out demanding of an answer regardless, and he tilts his head to the side, as if confused by the fact that you apparently didn’t know he’d be coming.

“Wow. Outfit’s a little overkill, don’t ya think?” Blitzø tells him, and you resist the urge to pettily flick at his forehead at the lack of common sense. Why the fuck would you say that?

Stolas looks down to the floor, embarrassed. “Did you… not know I was coming, y/n?”

“No. Did Blitzø call you here?”

“Yes, I- I assumed-” He looks at Blitzø, now referring to the comment about his outfit as well. “I wanted to look nicer for you. This is our first real date, after all… right?” he explains himself, motioning between the three of you.

“A date?” You whip your head around to look at Blitzø. That’s what he told Stolas this was?

“Surprise! We’re having a date!”

“Blitz I swear to Satan, this is so out of pocket-”

“Is something not right, y/n?” Stolas asks, and it completely disarms you. He seems so genuinely excited about this ‘date’that you can’t get yourself to ruin it for him by revealing what only you knew- that what he thought was a date was just a selfish ploy for Blitzø to spy on Millie and Moxxie for whatever fucking reason he had.

And so you find yourself reassuring him. “No. Not at all.”

“Ya still wanna leave now?” Blitzø whispers, all cocky and annoying and- fuck, he can just be so stubborn it’s insufferable sometimes.You grit your teeth but say nothing in return, and the three of you walk up to the stairs by the entrance. 

You don’t recognize the incubus who greets you. Must be new. He eyes the three of you up and down, as if trying to gather how the fuck this whole thing happened. “Y’all three together?” He asks, an eyebrow raised.

“Yes,” Stolas tells him. 

“Alrightt, that’s fucking hot! Y’all got a reservation?”

Before you can even think of telling him to talk to Ozzie, Stolas speaks up again. “Do we need one?” He asks, glaring at the man, as if challenging him to say no. The man gulps before opening a smile and bowing at him. “No! Uh, shit, my apologies, Your Highness. Right this way.”

You feel the ever-growing urge to facepalm as hard as you possibly can the very second you enter the lounge, because Blitzø immediately starts sneaking around the place like he’s a character in some low-budget spy movie. 

Stolas looks around the place, mesmerized. “Oh, my! Oh, no! No, but also yes!” He’s been there countless times (you should know), but only then do you realize he’s never stayed or even visited for matters that weren’t aligned with his royal duties. He’s stupid rich and he’s never dined at Ozzie’s?

Oh.

He’s only ever been with that wife of his before you and Blitzø happened. And his own marriage was merely another one of his royal duties. And- oh, fuck. Was this his first ever date? Shit.

You pull Blitzø down to whisper to him as you walk to your table. “Blitz, you’re gonna be fucking nice tonight, alright?”

“Hey I’m always a fucking delight!”

“I’m serious. I think he’s never been on a date before.”

“What? That’s not true.”

“Look he’s clearly excited to be here, please don’t be a dick, okay?”

“You calling me that for free?”

“The outfit comment was not cool.”

“Oh you guys are so fucking sensitive.” He dismisses your words, sitting down on the chair that had been arranged for him, a couple books placed on the seat so his height could be aligned properly with the round table’s.

Stolas is beaming as soon as the three of you sit down. “Oh, how romantic is this? I have never stayed here longer than I needed to. It’s so charming!”

“Yeah, it sounded like- I just thought we’d have a blast here,” Blitzø tells him, barely present in the conversation as he pulls out his goddamn fucking binoculars out of his pocket, surely trying to find out where Millie and Moxxie were seated. 

“Uh, yeah. It’s lovely, right? And it’s where I met both of you! Isn’t that so nice, Blitz?” You kick him under the table, and he shoots you a dirty glare before turning back around. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a real romantic- oh gotcha!”

Stolas tilts his head to the side, trying to figure out what is happening. “Uh, Blitz, what are you looking at?”

“I’m looking at nothing. How about that?” So much for not being a dick. Luckily, a server approaches the table just then, averting Stolas’ attention from Blitzø. 

“So, can I get you three off?” She takes a long pause before ‘correcting’ herself. “I mean, start you three off with some drinks?” It actually was normal taught practice for the ‘slip-ups’ to happen- you should know, you trained countless servers during your time there. It still makes Stolas blush out of embarrassment, caught off-guard by it.

“Yes! Um, perhaps some… wine, to share?” He glances at you, and you smile at him, nodding in agreement. “Blitz?” 

“What?”

“Would you like some wine, too?”

“Yeah why not?”

“Do you prefer red or white? Or perhaps some champagne?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Blitzø replies dryly, very clearly barely paying any attention to what was said to him as he didn’t even bother turning around to face the two of you.

“Uh- I- uh-”

“What if we-” you begin, trying to help Stolas not freak out.

“Perhaps we should order all three! Ha! Why not?” He suggests, and it sort of sounds like he is sort of freaking out, but you don’t argue. 

“Yeah that sounds good.”

“So! How was the day at I.M.P.?” Stolas tries. 

“Oh? Uh, it was good, I guess. We killed a bunch of weirdos. She can tell you about it,” Blitzø tells him, this time sparing one single glance back and pointing vaguely at you. How thoughtful.

“Oh?”

“Uh, business was pretty good today. What he meant with killing a bunch of weirdos is that we had more targets than usual, which is good. But I’m sure you don’t wanna hear about us killing people, right?”

“No! It sounds like fun!” It definitely didn’t look like he thought so, but rather that he was desperately trying to build a connection. One that Blitzø currently didn’t seem to give a flying fuck about. “Uh, how did you kill them?”

The question at least seemed to pique Blitzø’s interest, as he actually turns around and puts down the binoculars to answer it. “How? I mean, there was a lot of ‘em, so… bullets?”

“Right! Right. So… what made you decide to plan a date after all this time?”

Shit. “Uuuuuuhhh…” Blitzø scratches the back of his head, trying to think of what to say. Fuck, don’t be a dick, don’t be a dick, don’t-

Thankfully, for all of you, you’re sure, he doesn’t get to finish whatever he was about to try and say, as the lights dim and Fizzarolli’s voice sounds through the lounge. “Ladies and gentlemen! I see some sexy faces around here tonight.” He descends down the pole right in the middle of the stage, and you notice his greeting routine sounds different. It’s a weird feeling to see so much change since you left. “Welcome, welcome to Ozzie’s, Lust Ring’s number one place for all kinds of sick, twisted fantasies, put on display for all you sleaze and sleazettes, the gem joint of Asmodeus himself. Come on, give him some love!”

“Did he just say Asmodeus?” Stolas questions out loud.

“He likes to make an appearance sometimes,” you explain, but, internally, it made you nervous. You did not need Ozzie to see you on a date tonight.

Stolas nods, and Blitzø lets out a groan. “Oh, no fucking way. Not him!” He hides his face behind the menu that had been placed in front of him, and he’s still never told you what happened between him and Fizz, but that has to be a bit dramatic, doesn't it? 

“I am the one and only Fizzarolli.” The clown continues, pulling up a Loo Loo Land flyer with his robotic version, ‘Robo Fizz’, on it. “Some of you might recognize this dashing clown face from my numerous replicas across the rings of Hell, gloriously designed by the big man himself, and uh,” he traces his hand up his own robotic arm in a rather suggestive way, “ribbed for your pleasure tonight. We have a great lineup for you tonight: Verosika Mayday, Wet Dream, and The Squirters!” 

The lights shine on them, and suddenly you understand Blitzø’s need to hide. “Shit, she’s here?”

“Do you know her?” Stolas asks you, and you don’t reply.

“But as everyone’s warming up, I got a funny one for y’all!” Fizz keeps on. “Did any of you hear about the batshittery that happened at Loo Loo Land?” He laughs. “Oh yeah, I’ll tell you what, I’d sure love to shake the hand of the crazy son of a bitch who decided to burn down that off-brand shithole, and then slap a fat subpoena in it, ‘cause I’m very much looking to sue. That robo-me made us more money entertaining those kids than the ones we sell to get you freaks off, if you know what I mean.”

Someone in the lounge stands up from their seat, waving their hand around. “I know! I know what you mean! I have four of ‘em!” They announce, loud and proud, and you realize their date is one of those. It’s freaky enough for you to know security’s sure to keep an eye on them for the rest of the night to make sure they stay far away from Fizzarolli.

“So! Without wasting more time! Our little opening act is a fresh one, coming at us from a little imp from the Wrath Ring. Give it up for… Moxxie! With no creative stage name whatsoever.”

Moxxie stands up, taking his guitar with him, and kisses Millie before taking Fizzarolli’s place on the stage. That he hadn’t told you about, and knowing it was probably because he wanted to keep that moment to themselves makes you feel shitty about being there. He taps the mic before speaking. “Hello, everyone. Um. Hi. Thank you for letting me be here. It’s an honor to play.” Someone yells at him to hurry up, and he looks a bit nervous at it before he keeps on. “This song is for my beautiful wife, a surprise for our first anniversary. I love you, Millie.”

I love you More than the brimstone loves the fire, more than beelze loves her bub, more than a maggot loves gangrenous stubs You make my spirit sing Yeah, you make me glad I live in Hell Our love is a story sweet to tell Yeah, you cast a special Satanic spell over my heart Love is a journey we decided to start Yeah, I hope we’ll never, ever be apart I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I-

Shit, Moxxie. If he had told you about this, you would have warned him Ozzie’s was not the right place to perform a love song. But he didn’t, and so… “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,”, Ozzie and Fizz sang along, making their way onto the stage, very clearly mocking and laughing at him. 

Who’s singing love songs in my lustful lounge?

So Ozzie was performing tonight, huh? Must be in a good mood. 

Ozzie’s ain’t the place for sentimental sounds!

What’d you expect from a proprietor like us?

Your demon host, Asmodeus, the embodiment of lust…

Give me a thrust! Show me some lust! From the groin to the bust, in desire we trust, in the House of Asmodeus

Trumpet! Gah!

Little imp, you came here to sing your serenade Perform your feelings in the velvety stage Well, we got a saying that’s popular in these parts

‘Only little bitches strum the strings of their hearts’

You wanna hang around this lustful town? Ditch the lovey-dovey before we knock you around

How hypocritical.

In here we sing about wants and desires

Depravity, savagery, loins hotter than fire!

So give me a thrust Show me some lust From the groin to the bust Little imp, you just must In the House of Asmodeus Come on, sing us a song! Make sure the subject is getting it on Make it graphic and tactfully long

Make sure to rhyme ‘thong’ and ‘schlong’!

Go ahead, the mic’s on!

After a good while of tossing Moxxie around as Ozzie and Fizz sang, they set the mic in front of him once again. He takes a deep breath before strumming his guitar and giving it a try.

I want to 

Yeah, what do you want? Butt stuff? Piss play? Bondage?

Make gentle love to you

Oh, Moxxie. 

Ugh, what a limp-dick imp, you’re really killing the vibe Get a load of this dweeb and his unsatisfied bride!

Blitzø stands up from his seat. Why the fuck is he standing up from his seat? 

“Hey now, I’ve watched those two pork many times, and, honestly, they make missionary look relatively exciting!” 

You should have known he’d feel the need to try and defend them in some way, but this was really, really not a good idea. If you didn’t want any of your friends to see you there up until then, now he’d managed to basically call out for their attention. 

“What? Blitz!” Moxxie yells out, as if he can’t believe he’s actually there. His eyes find you too, and he furrows his eyebrows together. You feel ashamed that you ended up there, and even more so that his moment was getting ruined in so many ways.

Fizzarolli opens a grin. “Is that Blitzo? So you’re showing your face?”

Hey, everybody!  This guy’s a total disgrace Some nerve you got to comment on a relationship Last I checked, your love life is a pile of shit!

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Verosika stands up, the lights immediately panning to her, and she joins in. 

Oh, Blitzo? I used to date him 

“Oh, Verosika, you’re here.”

I’d stroke him, I’d fellate him But when it was my turn He did no reciprocating  A selfish imp in the sheets  And just as bad on the streets A reckless, heart-breaking freak

You silently pray to Lucifer for her to not see you, or just not mention you, or-

“Oh am I interrupting your date, y/n?” She spits out. 

I should have known it I should have guessed you’re not above it  How long left till they’re abandoned? Do they know they’re not your standard?  The prince would better watch out Just get too close and he’s out Give it some time, she’ll flake out

You look down at your hands over your lap and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole. Stolas looks between you and Blitzø, trying to assimilate what just happened. “Did the both of you date her?”

Who’s that at your table? Is your date a demon prince? Stolas, is that you?

Are you sleeping with an imp?

My dark lord, how the mighty do fall! You used to have a smoking wife, a kid, you had it all! I hope you didn’t give it up so they could help you get it up…

Stolas hides his face behind the menu, not unlike Blitzø had done earlier, like he’s… embarrassed to be called out for being on a date with the two of you. It feels like a gut punch, to come down to the realization that, yeah, of course he’s embarrassed, he’s a prince, for Lucifer’s sake. 

Your eyes feel like they’re burning, and you have to hold back tears from streaming down your face. 

You sold your life for a thrust! Now that’s the spirit of Lust Grab your groin or a bust You better get your hair mussed Pretend you don’t see that crust Hump ‘till your junk turns to dust In the House of Asmode-

You stand up in preoccupation for Millie when she simply knocks Fizzarolli down to the ground. 

“Hey!” Ozzie exclaims, helping Fizz get up. You see the rage in his eyes- Millie was crazy to have done that- and he looks back at you. The worry in your expression and the furious shaking of your head, wordlessly asking him not to do anything, are accepted, and Millie is left unharmed purely for the sake of you. 

“I think you were tryin’ to sing somethin’ for me, Mox.”

“Yeah, I was.”

I love us I love us just the way we are Don’t have to pretend to like to do things we don’t I’ve always got you around to laugh at my stupid jokes I’ll never take you for granted I’ll always give you my best If you can offer the same thing we’ll handle the rest ‘Cause I love you ‘Cause I love you

Blitzø looks undoubtedly hurt and undeniably uncomfortable and, shit, it was very much warranted. You felt the exact same, ashamed of getting called out by Verosika, hurt by having Ozzie of all people put you all on blast, feeling stupid for feeling hurt by Stolas so very clearly looking embarrassed to be seen on a date with you. 

Stolas looks worried, but doesn’t get to form any words before Blitzø speaks up. “You know what, this was a mistake, alright? Let’s just- let’s just leave.”

For the first time the entire night, you agree with him. “Yeah. We should go.”

“Oh. Right. Of course,” Stolas agrees, and the three of you get up, making your way to the exit. You didn’t even get to try the fucking wine. 

You glance back at Ozzie on your way out, and he raises his eyebrows in concern when his eyes meet yours. You know that face. He only just realized he hurt you with what he did, and you know he’ll let you be for the rest of the night, but you’re sure to expect him to show up at your place tomorrow to apologize. 

You also take a glance at Millie and Moxxie, still on the stage, and mouth an ‘I’m sorry’ to them before exiting the place. 

The drive to Stolas’ place is quiet and uncomfortable and it makes holding yourself back from crying much, much harder. You’re not even sure why Stolas is getting a ride, as he’d portaled himself to Ozzie’s and could very much just portal himself back home, but it’s not like you’re gonna bring that up. 

Much too tall for the I.M.P. van, he’s crammed in the backseat, and struggles a little before managing to get himself out of the car. 

Before leaving, he leans on the passenger’s window, facing you and Blitzø and nervously trying to get himself to say something. “Thank you, for… inviting me out tonight.” Blitzø turns away to face his other side and you keep your eyes glued to the windshield, both unable to look him in the eye. “Despite everything that’s happened, I… I enjoyed spending time with you.”

“Yeah,” is all Blitzø says, and you simply nod.

“You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia’s with her mother this weekend, so we could…”

“I’m not fucking you tonight, okay? I’m really just… I’m really not in the mood, alright?” He nudges you with his elbow, and you swear you see him wipe down a tear. “If you wanna take this one go ahead.”

“I-”

“We could just… talk. Or… watch a movie? Or maybe… cuddle?”

For the first time since leaving Ozzie’s, you manage to properly look at Stolas. Was he serious? Would he genuinely be okay with that after what just happened? Could he genuinely be okay to be in your presence without sex involved? 

“Stolas, don’t act like what we have is anything but you wanting us to fuck you, okay?” 

“Blitz-“

“No. You too. Are you actually falling for the shit he says? Fucking watch a movie and cuddle? You know exactly what he wants from us. He just says what he thinks he has to to get in our pants. I thought you weren’t that stupid.” 

You scoff at his words and get out of his car silently, as you can’t believe he just said that to you.

“What, you’re not coming?” 

Tears are threatening to roll down your face again, and it makes you angry. “Do you ever think about anyone’s feelings other than your own?”

“Fine. Stay with him then. Congrats to the fucking happy couple!” 

With that lovely yell, he takes off. 

“Are you alright, dearest? You can come in if you-“ Stolas reaches for you, but you can’t help but back off, not allowing him to touch you. He lets his hand fall back to his side. 

“Could you just send me back to Ozzie’s? Looks like I don’t have a ride anymore.”

“Are you sure you want to be there? What he did was-“

“I- I’ll talk to him. They won’t poke fun at you because of us again, Your Highness. No need to worry.”

He grimaces at your words, and you’re fully aware why.  You haven’t called him that in a long time. In fact, you realize you did it to be cruel. To hurt him. 

To hurt yourself into remembering your place in relation to him. You almost want him to argue with you. To understand what you meant and tell you he doesn’t look down on you, that he doesn’t feel ashamed. 

And yet he only accepts what you say with a nod.  “Good night, y/n.” 

Maybe Blitzø isn’t wrong.

You nod once instead of saying it back- you don't trust your voice to come out.

He seems to want to say something else but refrains from doing so, only waving his hand to cast the spell you requested him to. In a mere second you materialize back at Ozzie’s, but not in the lounge, thankfully- in the waiting room in front of his office. 

You break down crying the very moment you gain bearing of your surroundings. 

A/N sorry for the shitty lyrics i added to house of asmodeus it was sadly necessary lmaoooo

[steddiealltheway]

Part Two of Alone Together :) Christmas Cookies. Part One. AO3 Link.

Steve groans when his timer goes off again, not finished with cutting out the sugar cookies he’s working on. He would be if Nancy and Robin hadn’t taken a “quick” break over fifteen minutes ago. He wipes his hands off on a towel before finding his oven mitts amongst the mess the trio had created.  

He opens the oven and pulls out the pan, setting it quickly on the stovetop as he starts to feel the heat through the worn red mitts.  

“Shit,” Steve says, looking at the crispy edges of the cookies. He’s going to have to tell Nancy that she was wrong for once, and Steve was right about the time the cookies needed to be in the oven. He glances off towards the hallway they were headed towards and sighs. They won’t be back any time soon. 

He leans against the counter to take a break for a moment. He wishes Eddie were here to give him an extra hand baking. Maybe not ... Steve doesn’t trust Eddie with the shapes he would make or the amount of raw cookie dough he would likely consume. At the very least, he would be good company and entertainment though. Unfortunately, Eddie was roped into providing rides for the kids other than Will and Mike who had experienced Argyle’s driving before.  

Steve glances at the clock realizing that there is another hour or so until the kids are supposed to be there to decorate the cookies. He stares at the phone in his kitchen and glances down the hall again. 

He needs company and help, and there’s no way he wants to walk in on whatever his ex and his best friend are doing during their break. 

He sighs and trudges over to the phone quickly dialing the number he memorized but rarely used. The line rings a few times then stops as a voice says, “Munson not murder residence.” 

Steve winces involuntarily at the line. He wonders what type of calls Eddie and his uncle get even though they have a new home and number. “Hey, Eddie,” Steve says. He tries to ignore the sigh of relief on the other line. 

“Hey, Steve, what’s going on?” Eddie asks sounding slightly nervous.  

“The lovebirds ditched me, and I need help with the sugar cookies, or they won’t be done by the time the kids are supposed to be here. And you know how that’ll go over...” 

“They’ll lose their shit, yeah. I’ll be there in a few minutes, don’t worry. See you soon!” Eddie says hanging up the phone before Steve can say goodbye. Maybe he’s desperate for company too.  

True to his word, a few minutes later, Eddie is ringing the doorbell and making his way inside the Harrington house. Steve feels the overwhelming urge to hug Eddie, but luckily his hands are too messy to do something stupid like that.  

“Hey sugar, nice apron,” Eddie says with a big smile, hands in his pockets as he slowly makes his way to Steve.  

“It’s perfectly sensible, and I’m getting you one too before you complain about getting flour on your clothes. Also, ‘sugar’?” Steve asks, digging through his drawer for an extra apron, pulling out a white lacy one he’s sure Eddie will protest. 

Instead, Eddie immediately tugs it on, tongue shooting out in concentration when he ties it behind his back. When he’s done – after Steve tells him to tie it in the front and spin it around – Eddie answers, “‘Sugar’ like sugar cookies.”  

Steve snorts. Of course Eddie would come up with a nickname that is also a pun. “Okay, back to business,” Steve says seriously trying to hide a smile when Eddie gives him a serious look in response, “I’ll roll out the dough as you cut out the shapes using as much dough as you can. No taste testing. After everything we’ve been through, you’re not dying of salmonella. Also, no weird shapes. Just stick to the cookie cutters.” 

“What would a weird shape look like?” Eddie asks next to Steve, bumping his elbow against his. 

Steve gives Eddie a look. “No dicks on gingerbread men or in general.” 

Eddie frowns. “You’re no fun.” Nonetheless, Eddie actually follows his rules well, all while chatting with Steve about random things on his mind, sometimes humming a Christmas tune when a comfortable silence settles between them. 

Steve notes how easily they navigate around each other, gentle touches on the waist with a soft warning, and sometimes fingertips lingering for a moment longer than necessary. Not that Steve minds at all.  

Before he knows it, the last batch of cookies are going in the oven, as Eddie pulls off his apron and begins to clean up the countertops. He’s well more well behaved than Steve imagined, but really, they haven’t spent too much time alone. The idea of alone time rings through Steve’s head as he unties his apron as well. 

Steve makes his way next to Eddie who quickly invades his personal space as he always does. Steve sneaks a glance at Eddie and snorts. A bit of white powder is smeared across his cheek, and Steve can’t help but do the most cliché thing and gently wipe it off Eddie’s face.  

“What are you doing?” Eddie breathes out.  

“Getting flour off your cheek,” Steve explains, thumb gently sweeping the flour off. His hand lingers.  

“Steve…” Eddie says, voice low.  

Before Steve realizes what he’s doing, he’s already pulling Eddie in.  

“Steve!” Robin’s voice calls out panicked from the hall. Steve jumps back immediately. “Oh my god, we fell asleep and just woke up and noticed what time it is and... Hey, Eddie, what are you doing here?” 

Eddie glances towards the clock and yells, “Leaving! Shit, Dustin will be so mad when I’m late!” Eddie presses a quick panicked kiss against Steve’s cheek and runs out of the kitchen. 

The front door slams as Nancy makes her way into the kitchen rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Robin stares at Steve with raised eyebrows. “So, Eddie, huh?” 

“No,” Steve firmly states. “And since you two took a lovely nap, I’m going to do the same as you two clean up and get the icing ready. Also, there’s one more batch of cookies in the oven. Enjoy!” Steve yells over his shoulder making his way to the living room couch.  

“He’s totally deflecting, right?” Steve hears Robin say to Nancy. 

“What did I miss?” Nancy asks thoroughly confused.  

Steve drifts off in the living room to hushed whispers coming from the kitchen, and he tries not to perk up every time he hears Eddie’s name whilst trying not to think too hard about that kiss. 

-:-:-:-:-:- 

“Steve, hey Steve, sugar. Wake up.” 

Steve groans and slowly cracks an eye open catching sight of Eddie shaking him awake. This may be the only time Steve has ever enjoyed being woken up. He sits up with a groan and asks, “What time is it?” 

Eddie smiles. “It’s only been about half an hour. The kids have already all picked out their cookies, but I thought you wouldn’t mind the extra sleep.” 

“You’re a perfect man. Has anyone told you that?” Steve asks until he catches sight of the devious smile growing on Eddie’s face. “I take that back. You’re horrible. A menace really.” 

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the... couch.” Steve groans in response. “Come on, big boy, let’s see what the kids have left us.” 

Steve allows Eddie to help him up and might play the ‘just woke up’ card a little too heavily, but he really enjoys the feeling of Eddie wrapping his arm around his waist as he assists him to the kitchen. All of the kids and adults are too busy with their own creations to notice Steve practically clinging to Eddie’s side as they walk over to the counter section left for them. 

There’s a baking sheet with what looks to be all the deformed or broken cookies occupying their area. Steve huffs, “After all that, they leave us with this. What a great sentiment.” 

Eddie laughs and picks at two gingerbread men – one with the head fallen off and the other with a missing arm and broken leg. He picks up the two and puts on a strangely high-pitched voice for the left cookie missing the head, “Oh, hello there Dusty-bun. I would lose my head if it weren’t for you.” 

Steve puts his head in his hands and sighs deeply.  

“Get it? And look, this one with the broken leg is Dustin. It’s hilarious.” Eddie says with a laugh, continuing to make the two interact. Steve peeks through his hands and wonders how he ever agreed to this date pact thing. 

After they get ahold of some icing, Eddie does a splendid job making the red icing look like blood for all the broken pieces – even for the tree and star shapes. Steve finds himself joining in after giving up on trying to make his look pretty or in any way uniform. But it pays off to have Eddie giggling at whatever messed up creation Steve decides to add to their pile. 

Steve glances over at the beautiful cookies Nancy and Robin are creating, then Jonathan and Argyle’s cookies covered in green icing he assumes is in the shape of weed, the three gingerbread men El, Max, and Lucas put together, the blue and yellow cookies Will and Mike make, and Dustin and Suzie’s very... interesting icing explosion creation. He glances back at his and Eddie’s and decides he kind of likes theirs the best, but maybe that’s just because he’s biased. 

“So, where are the gingerbread cookies?” Mike asks the room. 

“The what?” Steve asks turning around. 

“The gingerbread cookies for the gingerbread houses we’re making,” Dustin explains and sighs. “Steve, did you forget to make them?” 

Steve holds his hands up. “How was I supposed to remember to make them when no one told me to in the first place?” 

All the kids whine and grumble about how this is somehow Steve’s fault, and really he’s about two seconds away from kicking them all out.  

“Hey! Steve went out of his way to bake all these cookies for you, and this is how you repay him? By asking for more and getting upset when someone didn’t tell him of these plans in the first place,” Eddie says effectively guilting the kids into apologizing. 

Steve sighs when the mood in the room goes down. “When did you want to make these gingerbread houses?” 

“Today,” Mike snips back, but one look at Eddie, and he’s mumbling an apology. Eddie really needs to teach Steve how to do that. 

Steve pinches his nose then rests his hands on his hips, making a plan. “How about we do it tomorrow?” The kids and even the adults all start agreeing excitedly. “But! You will be coming here first, and helping me make the gingerbread so you can cut out the exact shapes you want for your houses, got it?” 

A general groan goes around the kitchen. 

“Keep it up and we’ll make you pitch in for the supplies,” Eddie warns them. 

The group’s attitude spikes through the roof, unbearably thankful for Steve once again. When their fake gratitude wears off, Steve turns back to Eddie.  

“Thank you for the help,” Steve says sincerely leaning slightly against Eddie’s side. 

“Anytime. I was thinking maybe we could replicate the Creel house to get back at them... maybe make a little model of my old trailer after it became a gate... Oh! How about a huge house shaped like a bat?” Eddie rambles on, tongue sticking out and eyes flickering around trying to find the worst idea. 

Steve laughs and nudges Eddie who stops his rambling to give Steve a blinding smile before squeezing another pipe of red frosting onto their cookies which looks suspiciously dick shaped. 

“You never said I couldn’t make a dick out of frosting,” Eddie protests. 

Steve’s starting to wonder how he ever would’ve made it through the holidays without him. 

Part three.

( Tag list for my lovely @eddiesbabe95 )

[intercoursefluids]

Hi! I love, love, love, your work! Holy shit! You gotta be the only one that I know of that does Adribat related stuff without being a Adrien Salter. Jesus, I could literally kiss right now if I could. But I had saw that you had this sleeping schedule, so I understand if you don't get this right away.

But I was wondering if I could get a Tim x Adrien story? With a side of childhood friends to lovers? Like Tim and Adri met at one of the Drakes Parties when they were younger? But also I want a side of relationship reveal, but with Class Field Trip to Gotham City salt. Also, also Tim and Adrien already know each other identities. BAMF bottom Adrien(not enough of those)

Basically all of Lila's lying, Tim x Adrien's relationship, is revealed at one of the Wayne Gala's. Could the only person that knows of the relationship be Chloe? I live for Adrien and Chloe sibling dynamic.

Thanks and please get a proper rest! I don't want you overworking yourself.

Hi, I'm glad that you enjoy my writing but I need to let you know, before you read this, that I *hate* this prompt.

There is nothing actually wrong with it, I just could not get it to work for me, this is the best I could come up with and I do not like how it came out but I refuse to leave you hanging so...

*Throws fic to you and hopes for the best*

If someone else wants to take a crack at this be my guest

Adrien sighed, slinking away from the group of his classmates and friends to go hide near the snack table.

Lila was back at it, complaining and bragging about any and everything, and she wouldn’t stop touching him!

It was so! Annoying!

Sure he was used to it but that didn’t make it any better, especially when it was her.

If Marinette or Kagami had been there they would have separated them (Kagami) or caused a distraction so he could slip away (Marinette), but no, neither of them were there because Kagami was a thief and stole his friend to introduce her to her family in Japan, ensuring that she wouldn’t be here during the schools ‘educational’ end of year trip to Gotham.

Add on to the fact that Chloe was running late and couldn’t ‘bitch her way into getting Lila to leave him alone’, her words not his.

The only plus side to this trip was-

“Adrien! There you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Come on, I want to introduce you to my family.”

-Seeing Tim Drake Drake-Wayne again.

Adrien smiled, hugging his friend tightly.

“Tim! I haven’t seen you in so long! I’ve missed you!”

Tim paused, tightly hugging Adrien back before pulling away with a huge smile.

“I missed you too, where’s Chloe? I thought you two went everywhere together?”

Adrien sighed, running a hand through his hair and messing it up some.

“She’s running late, something about her hair being too frizzy to be seen in public, I think.”

Tim’s smile turned soft, reaching up with one hand to try and fix Adrien’s hair as he used the other to lace their hands together.

“That sounds like her now, are you ready to finally meet the rest of my family?”

Adrien nodded his head rapidly, squeezing Tim’s hand in his own as he started to lead him away.

“Yes I am, you talk about them all the time when we email each other.”

Tim carefully led them through crowds, turning back to smile at him as they came into view.

“Remember, Damian will bite you so don’t touch him without permission and Jason and Steph’s love languages are bullying, they probably won’t be genuinely mean so don’t worry too much-”

“-Cass doesn’t like to talk much, Dick loves puns, and if we start acting out Duke will pretend he doesn’t know us even though he is the one who started the fight, I know, I know. It’ll be fine, let's go.”

Tim takes a deep breath, squeezing Adrien’s hand and shooting him a look that was probably supposed to be reassuring as opposed to the grimace it looked like.

Marching over to his family, Adrien catches the tail end of an argument over someone named Jerry (?) before Tim interrupted them.

“Guys, this is Adrien, my- friend.”

Adrien barely even notices Tim’s stumble over the word ‘friend’ before he gets pulled into a headlock with his hair being violently ruffled.

“Why do you look so stuffy, blondie? This is supposed to be a party!”

Adrien laughs as his hair is messed up, again.

A grin covers his face as Tim pulls him away from his brother with a yelp, wrapping him in his arms and holding him away from them.

“I didn’t bring him over here for you to torment him!”

The one who had been ruffling his hair, Jason if he had to guess based off the white streak in his hair, laughs, pulling Tim into a side hug and shaking him as Adrien is stolen away again.

“So, you are the friend Tim was telling me about, nice to meet you. I’m Stephanie but everyone calls me Steph.”

Adrien smiled at her, shaking her hand.

“Adrien, I don’t really have a nickname but my friends like to come up with names on the fly so feel free to do the same-”

“Adrien! There you are~ We lost you for a minute there.”

Lila's voice is like nails on a chalkboard and Adrien can’t hold back the grimace and glare that momentarily cover his face.

“Damnit. Hi Lila, I was just meeting one of my friends' family.”

Adrien forces a smile on his face, struggling not to cringe away when she comes up and tucks her hand into his elbow, digging her nails into his skin.

“Oh, hello everyone! My name is Lila, Adrien and I are friends, you could say.”

She ends her sentence with a giggle and Adrien doesn’t even bother hiding the small glare on his face this time.

“That's right. We are friends. By the way, I’m pretty sure Alya is looking for you, you should go see what she needs him?”

Adrien’s annoyance is obvious to anyone who looks at him, emphasized by how he makes sure there is no misunderstanding about his relationship with Lila.

Lila glares at him before covering it up and smiling sweetly at Tim’s family.

“Adrien’s right, I really should be getting back. Come find us when you are done here, okay Adrien?”

Adrien was barely able to force out something that sounded vaguely like an agreement out through his clenched teeth as she walked away.

Adrien shook his arm off, rubbing the sore spots from where her nails dug in before his arm was snatched back up.

Adrien looked up, staring at Tim as he gently but firmly started to roll up his sleeve, looking at the little marks left by Lila’s nails.

“Adrien… This isn’t okay.”

Tim runs his thumb over the little marks, brow furrowed as he slowly looks up to meet Adrien’s eyes.

“It’s fine, I'm used to it. People touch me all the time while I’m modeling, it’s not that big of a deal, honestly.”

Tim presses his lips into a thin line, turning to address his family as he laces their hands together.

“We’ll be back soon. If anybody asks, I was feeling sick and needed some air.”

Jason gives him a thumbs up, him and Steph glaring in the direction Lila walked off.

Leading Adrien back through the crowd they head for the stairs, going into a room resembling a study.

Tim pulls Adrien into a hug, squeezing him tightly against him.

Adrien melts into the hug, squeezing him back as Tim runs a hand up and down his back.

“Adrien, she is hurting you. I cannot let her keep doing that. I care about you far too much to just stand by while she hurts you.”

The tension in the air was thick, making Adrien shift from foot to foot as Tim stared at him, holding him down with just his gaze.

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds like you’re in love with me of something, haha…”

Adrien tries to joke, ignoring how it feels more like a dig at himself and his feelings for Tim when he doesn’t laugh with him.

Instead Tim blushes, brightly.

Looking away from Adrien and clearing his throat, a slightly panicked look taking over his face.

Adrien stops laughing, opting to stare at Tim with his mouth wide open.

“Wait, are you?!”

Tim coughs again, turning to face Adrien again.

“Well, while this isn’t how I had planned it, I was going to tell you tonight. I completely understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore or if you are uncomfortable being around me now, I’m not going to force you to stay-”

Adrien rushed forward, grabbing Tim’s hands and holding them to his chest.

“No no no, I like you too! I wasn’t going to say anything but I have feelings for you too!”

Tim’s face gets redder as he looks at anything other than Adrien.

“Good, um, that- that’s great. Do you… Want to be my boyfriend?”

Adrien smiles so hard his cheeks hurt, lacing their fingers together and nodding quickly.

“Yes, yes I want to be your boyfriend.”

Adrien lunges forward, planting a kiss on Tim’s cheek, blushing when Tim tilts his head so kisses his lips instead.

“Well, now that you are officially mine, you can tell ‘Lila’ to fuck off whenever she touches you. Better yet, I’ll do it for you.”

Tim leads him out of the room, still holding his hand.

As they reach the rest of the party, Adrien spots Tim’s family, they are looking up at the two and money is changing hands.

Adrien tugs back on Tim’s hand, causing him to pause and look towards him.

“Maybe just wait for Lila to come up to us again? I don’t really want to cause a scene right now.”

Tim sighed before agreeing, leading him back over to his family where they proceeded to spend most of the Gala.

At some point Chloe had finally joined them, from there she had immediately started embarrassing Adrien with how he and Tim had met as well as several different stories about some of his most embarrassing moments.

Chloe had moved onto thinly veiled stories from Adrien’s times as Chat Noir, causing him and Tim to share a meaningful look as Tim already knew the truth about him being a hero and vice versa.

(When Tim had made his plan to become Robin he had immediately told Adrien about it and when Adrien had first gotten his miraculous he had told Tim about it to get some advice.)

In the middle of Chloe telling everyone how he had fallen into the pool on her roof, Lila came back.

Looping her hand through Adrien’s arm already had him on edge, but when she did the same to Tim, he was pissed.

Adrien quickly removed her hands from both of them, pulling Tim to his other side as he glared at Lila.

“First of all, stop touching me, it makes me want to claw my skin off everytime you touch me. Second of all, do not to Tim. If you put your hands on him one more time I will out you as the lying, two faced snake you are.”

Adrien’s voice doesn’t rise over a harsh whisper but the message is plenty clear to everyone who heard it.

Unfortunately, Lila has always been too cocky for her own good.

“Adrien, I know you aren’t talking to me like that. All I have to do is have a little chat with your father and you will be ripped away from all of our little friends faster than you can say “Sorry”, and let's not forget what I will do to your little friends Marinette and Kagami. I can and will ruin yours and their lives if you don’t apologize to me.”

Adrien goes to reply when Tim holds him back, a loud, deep voice filling the air beside them.

“Is that so, Mademoiselle Rossi?”

Both teens turn to see Bruce Wayne standing beside them, looking absolutely pissed. Not to mention that all of Tim’s siblings have their phones out and are likely recording.

“I had planned to speak with you tonight on several matters but I suppose now is as good a time as any.”

Lila pales, eyes wide as she stares at one of the men she had been lying about the entire trip.

“My children have alerted me to the fact that you have been lying about me and my family since before you even got to Gotham, as well as several other celebrities I have already alerted.”

“I must say, I am severely disappointed to find that not only do you have a problem with lying, but you are also threatening my son’s boyfriend. Come with me, we are calling your mother.”

As Bruce walks away, Lila trailing after him, Chloe’s phone abrupts into loud, hysterical laughter, startling everyone standing too close.

It takes a second but Adrien is able to recognize the sound of Marinette’s voice with Kagami trying to get her to calm down in the background.

Adrien raises an eyebrow at her and Chloe looks back unapologetically.

“What? Mari had a right to hear Liar-la get exposed and you know it.”

Adrien sighs, hugging Tim as he tries to block out the sounds of everyone around them gossiping about what just happened.

… As well as the sounds of Marinette cackling like a mix of a supervillain and a witch emanating from Chloe’s phone.

Tag List:

@Vroomtaka

@rosesandsailboats

[parkmuse]

Ultimatum (M)

Word Count: 10,339 (Reposted) (Wonhopes Masterlist)

Your pervy, idiotic boyfriend just so happens to also be your friendly neighborhood Spider-man (in bed).

cr.

“I love you so much baby,” He hums, kissing you sweetly on the tip of your nose.

“Shut the fuck up and let’s just get this over with okay?” You groan over the silk sheets, arms laced tightly against the headrest as you get more and more impatient from the restrains.

“I love it when you use your dirty mouth with me,” He grunts, erection getting much more prominent in his blue-red tights.

You roll your eyes, “Jungkook can we just-“

He puts his clothed finger on your lips, shushing you. “Nuh uh uh, you promised you’d call me by my other name.”

You open your mouth to try and chomp on his finger, but he quickly retracts before you can do any damage. You give him a sweet smile when he smirks right back at you.

“…Can we please hurry and do this, Mr. Peter Parker?”

“Noooo Y/N! You’re not supposed to know my real identity yet! Do we have to go over this again? I found out you were trapped here, swoop on in to save the day, you’re shocked and extremely turned on from me saving you and start seducing me, and then I fuck you into oblivion as Spiderman.”

“Yeah but nowhere did you mention I’d be tied to the bed by your stupid fake spider webs-“

“No complaining! You said you’d play along,” He pouts, the spider symbol on his chest jutting out as he crosses his arms.

You only agreed to this because your dumb ass boyfriend begged you nonstop for weeks to fulfill his one fantasy he’d been dreaming of probably almost all of his horny teen life until now. You really didn’t know what the hype was with this superhero roleplay and how it could possibly get someone off, but literally even you brushing your elbow against him by accident can have him up and ready in a matter of seconds. Many instances of accidentally touching him in public led to public bathroom quickies or doing it in the car to which you couldn’t really complain since he would give you a piece of relief as well. This scenario really proved much harder to collaborate with though.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry.” You sigh. Your arms are really starting to hurt and he would probably give you the cold shoulder for weeks if you made him stop now, so the less you talked the quicker you’d get this over with. “Let’s do this spiderboy.”

“SpiderMAN!”

“Okay, Spiderman.” What’s the difference anyway?

“Okay. Now get into position.”

Aren’t you already in position? You can’t fucking move an inch.

You bothered not making any snarky comeback so he can resume. You watched him pick up a thin cloth on the bedside table, slipping on his mask before walking out the bedroom door and shutting it closed.

It’s silent for about a good 15 seconds. Where did he go?

You hear the door creak open and you’re met with his dumb ass masked figure. “Did you forget your lines?”

Even if you can’t see it, you know his face is scrunched up in annoyance by the tone of his voice.

“O-Oh right, sorry.”

He turns and closes the door again.

You clear your voice, “H-Help! I’ve been kidnapped! I’m so scared, I-if someone hot and strong could only come and save me…” You internally curse yourself from agreeing to this bullshit.

You jump in place when the door is kicked open, slamming against the wall.

“Have no fear young broad, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman is here!” He hops onto the bed dramatically, crouched and looking around frantically with his hands ready to spit out fake webs to any nonexistent thugs in the room.

“I’ve taken down the 50 guys in the other room with no problem whatsoever, you’re safe now pretty lady.” You try not to burst out laughing at his ridiculous remark, but swallow up your sounds. He moves above you, leaning forward to remove your hands from the laces. Finally.

You’re waiting for him to release you, but he halts his movements. You’re looking at him in confusion until he whispers to you.

“Do the next thing we talked about.”

“Oh…right.” You sigh.

“I was so, so scared, thank you so much for saving me,” You say as dramatically and helplessly as you could muster up.

He gestures you to continue.

“Oh…a-and um, you were like so, so sexy too. How could I possibly make it up to you?” You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling his hips closer to yours.

“It’s no problem Miss. I don’t need to reap any rewards for good deeds.”

“Great, so if you could just untie me then we can go on our separate ways-“ You start releasing your grip from him but then you hear him huff.

“Y/N,” he whines under the fabric, “You said you’d do this for me.”

“Are you really gonna make me say the next line??” He removes the mask and you see him give you a pout, eyes looking as disappointed as when he missed Stan Lee at Comic Con last year from getting stuck in traffic. He knew it was your biggest weakness, and you couldn’t possibly say no to him after he showed you that.

You groan again, eyes darting away from him as he waits for you to continue.

“Can you help me out with another problem?”

He tugs the mask back on, “Of course, anything for a damsel in distress.”

Fuck this guy.

“Y-You’re making my…my s-spidey senses tingle,” You felt like gagging. “Please, Mr. Spiderman, h-help me out.”

“I can’t possibly leave someone in need like this high and dry, especially a beautiful little seahorse like you.”

“Did you just fucking call me a seahorse-“ Your question was cut short when he brings a hand to your thighs, fingers slowly inches upwards in feather light touches. Your breath hitches in your throat, his other hand already working on unbuttoning your shorts and shimmying them off your hips. He moves downwards and grabs your legs, planting your feet flat on the bed with his hands resting on your knees.

He brings a finger to trace down your clothed slit, sending shivers down your spine. How the fuck could you possibly be turned on after all this? You have no idea.

As he digs a finger deeper along your warmth, you feel your juices soaking your thin lace panties. He uses two fingers to push the fabric to the side, stretching your folds out to get a good look at your already leaking core.

“My my my, I think I’ve found a way to resolve the drought crisis in this town.”

“Oh my god, could you please shut the- oh fuck!”

He dips his head down between your legs, partially lifting up his mask to latch his mouth onto you. He flattens his tongue against you, getting a full taste of your wet juices before nibbling your bundle of nerves. You moan out loud, hands balling into fists as you arch your back and clench your legs around his head.

He pries your thighs open, pushing them flat against the bed as he thrusts his tongue much deeper into you, nose nestling right against your curls.

“F-Fuck, oh my god, Jung-“

“Shhh, my frisky little chinchilla, call me what I want to be called and how we rehearsed,” he hums, nipping lightly on your inner thighs, “And maybe I’ll reward you.”

You have no idea where all these weird ass nicknames are coming from but try your hardest to overlook it, forcing yourself to get back into character for him as much as you hated it. One of his hands are drawing circles on your thighs while the other is slowly prodding at your entrance, ready to take you right where you want to be if you cooperated.

“P-please Spiderman, touch me more.”

“Mmm, yeah? You want more?”

“Yes! Please, give it to me.”

He hums, “Oh yeah?” He removes the mask and looks straight into your eyes. “You want to see how much web this spider can shoot?”

You swear to god you dried up instantly. “Jungkook,” You groan.

“You said you’d play along!”

“Yeah but not when you’re throwing out all you’re dumb superhero puns!” You huff. “Seriously, I think it’s the Sahara down there now.”

He raises a brow at that, scoffing as you see him move his hands to rest on your thighs. He smooths one closer over to your core, his thumb resting directly on your swollen clit, making your breath hitch in your throat.

“Really? You’re not feeling it anymore baby?” He digs the pad of his thumb into you, pressing tight circles that makes you cry out.

“What a shame. I was gonna eat you out for hours and make you cry for my dick so all the neighbors could hear,” He alternates between tracing over your folds and back to your neglected clit that aches for more than just his fingers, “And after I got you all ready for my cock I was really going to fuck you senseless you know.” He licks his lips, probing the tip of his finger at your entrance.

“Watching that pretty little face writhe into the sheets, taking those gorgeous tits into my mouth and make you take it like the good girl I know you are…” You clench over nothing as you whine loudly over that remark. He pushes his finger deep into your cunt, curling upwards and finding your spot almost instantaneously, making you scream his name.

“Pounding into your pussy where I know you love it the most…”

“J-Jungkook,” You whimper as he slowly but harshly presses against the spot that makes you feel like you’re going to explode at any moment.

“Have you begging for my cock and make you cum all night until you couldn’t walk for the next three days,” He hums as you arch yourself into his fingers, attempting to make him go faster.

He pushes your hips down and releases himself from you, the ache in your pussy almost unbearable from the loss of fullness. You slightly tear up from the feeling, looking up at him with your lips between your teeth.

Smirk plastered all over his face he wraps his lips over his wet fingers as he sucks away all your juices. “Mmm,” He tsks, “What a damn shame.”

“Jungkook,” You mewl in the smallest and neediest voice possible, “Please.”

“What is it, baby?” He feigns innocence.

“I need you,” You whimper, “I need you so bad.”

He grunts in response, pretending to think when you knew he loved it when you begged.

“I don’t know, I don’t think you want it enough Y/N,” He says with a sigh, to which you loudly protest.

“No! I want it Jungkook, believe me I want it!” You cry, tears brimming at your cheeks, “I want you to fuck me, make me forget about all those bad guys in the other room. Show them who’s I am, I’ll take it like a good girl Spiderman.”

He tongues his cheek at that, watching you as you spread your legs further to reveal your sopping wet core, completely ready for him. He grunts, reaching to palm himself through his tights as he leans forward to connect your lips. You moan into his mouth, letting him ravage you as his hands explore your body. He hikes your shirt up to your stomach, grazing his fingers over your torso before dipping his fingers under the hem of your bra. He uses his other hand to unclasp them, tossing them aside as he squeezes a handful, making you moan. He disconnects from you to attend to your breasts, kneading and sucking on them as you whimper.

He kisses down your stomach until he reaches where you need him the most. He places a soft, delicate kiss right on top of your pussy, having you writhe from beneath him.

“Call me your daddy.”

“Ahh, there! Wait…I’m, You—what?”  

“You heard me Y/N. Call me your daddy…daddy long legs.” He says it in the most serious expression possible, making you gawk at him. You squeeze his head between your thighs, hoping you could somehow choke his annoying ass to death.

“Are you fucking kidding me Jungkook?!”

He pries your thighs open, dodging your fatal move. “Dead serious. You want this spidey dick or not?”

You throw your head back with a groan, hitting the headboard. More than half the time you don’t get why you’re with this man. Is it really worth all the headaches?

“I’m kidding,” He chuckles. He kisses the inside of your thigh.

“You did good sweetheart, now I’ll reward you.”

Before you can say anything he plunges a finger inside you, lapping up your bundle of nerves as you cry out loud. He reaches upward and massages your breasts, pinching a nipple as he starts to enter a second finger into your tight heat.

“Oh f-fuck! O-oh! Yes, Jungkook!” You moan, wrists burning from the amount of times you pull against the headrest. “Fuck, untie me. I want to t-touch you.”

He doesn’t listen, hands still plunging deeply into your sopping wet core as he laps up the excess. He curls his fingers upwards, making you thrash as he hits your spot relentlessly.

“J-Jungkook, please, please untie me,” You beg, wanting nothing more than just digging your fingers into his brown locks as you grind your hips onto his hot tongue.

You watch as he still doesn’t let up, enjoying every moment of you under submission. You whimper as you look down at him, his erection moments from bursting through the confines of his tights. You see him grinding himself against the bed for relief, rutting his hips harder each time you moan louder for him.

“Baby please, untie me,” You cry, lifting your hips in time to match his thrusts and grind your clit into his wet muscle.

He pulls up, face glistening in all your releases as his tongue swipes over his drenched lips. “I thought you were going to be a good girl for me.”

“I am! I will be, just please, I wanna fucking feel you.” Tears brim your eyes as you give him the best puppy dog eyes you can muster, nails digging deep into your palms that they form crescents. Jungkook knew you hated being restrained when it came to sex and all you wanted to do was grab a fistful of his hair as he worked his mouth against your aching wetness.

“Please,” You beg, “Please baby, I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?”

You knew at the sound of his tone he’s scheming something, but honestly, what could be worse than this?

“Yes, anything!” You groan, hips thrusting upwards to try and get any sort of relief.

“You said it honey bunny.” He kisses your inner thigh and smirks, sitting up and pushing himself off of you making the bed squeak. You watch him curiously as he leans over the side to grab something under the bed. He pulls out a shoebox, placing it beside you two before getting back to sit snugly between your legs again.

“What are you doing? What is that?” You look at him with furrowed brows, getting nervous as the stupid smile plastered on his face gets much wider.

“The best thing man has ever created.” He flips the box open, pulling out an extensively large green neon silicone rod. You stare at the foreign object in his hands, trying to figure out what the fuck it actually was.  

A baton? It didn’t really look like it since the stick got thinner as it reached closer to the tip. Plus, Jungkook was way much kinkier than to buy something like that.

And why is it green? Maybe it’s a peeled cucumber? But Jungkook isn’t that weird to keep it secured in a shoebox under the bed…

Then for some godforsaken reason, it clicked in your head. You didn’t fucking believe it, nor did you seriously want to believe what your boyfriend had ready to use under the bed you two shared almost every night. You immediately tried to squeeze your legs closed but firmly gripped his hips instead.

“Jungkook…are you fucking kidding me?” You said, voice laced in anger and disgust for what he really thought he was going to get away with right now.

He knew that tone anywhere, instantly flipping a switch in his personality to get on your good side.

“L-Look here, my Queen-“

“Don’t.”

You see his shoulders slouch, bottom lip jutting out as his eyes pout along with the rest of his face. “ But Pudding, you said you’d do anything-“

“Jeon,” You cut him off, “If you seriously think for one second that I’m going to let you shove a fucking tentacle dildo up my vagina you have another thing coming!”

Seven billion people in the world. Seven billion you got to choose from.

Seven.

Billion.

And this is who you chose to continue your life with.

You watch him whine above you, crossing his arms like a child that won’t get his way. “But baby, this costed me two paychecks! We can’t let it go to waste!”

“Is that my fault? Where did you even get that thing?!”

“At comic-con last year, duh!”

Of course.

“You could have gotten a comic book, a keychain, a signed photograph, a collectible…and that’s what you chose?”

“This is a collectible! It’s special edition! Look,” He moves to flip a switch on the base of the toy, beaming lights emitting from the tentacle. “It’s Spiderman edition, with blue and red lights. And look at the bottom here.” He shoves the base of the toy toward your face, making you frown in disgust. You see some black scribbling at the bottom, having no clue what he’s even trying to show you.

“What? What are you trying to show me?”

“Stan Lee signed it! The Stan Lee! You know I had to have it since I missed him, but at least I got this now,” He gushes, stroking the signature admiringly as he smiles to himself.

“And okay look, I know we got off on the wrong start with this but I really think you’re going to like all these other features,” He presses, not that you can stop his blabber mouth anyways since you’re literally all tied up. So he continues.

“Look here pickle, there’s a button down here that’ll activate the vibration settings,” He pushes a button at the base and the tentacle comes to life, the tip flopping wildly back and forth.

You flinch, “Jungkook, that seriously would tear my insides up!”

“Sorry that was maxigasm setting,” He pushes a few buttons and the toy slows, gently buzzing from the palm of his hand. “See? So there’s like fourteen different settings you can play around with. And as amazing as that all sounds, that’s not even the best part.” You hate the way he makes it sound, and you knew that this was just going to get much worse.

He turns the toy and you see a red switch, his finger lightly tracing over it. “And here fruit loop, here’s where the show really begins.” He presses the button and before you even comprehend what’s happening, white blobs ejaculate out from the tip of the dildo and onto your thigh, the liquid slowly streaming down your inner legs.

You scream instinctively, thrashing yourself against him. “What the fuck Jungkook?!”

“It squirts!” He gleams, bunny smile spread on his face while the red and blue blinking tentacle vibrator toy spurts out more liquid from its tip.

“Why would you buy that?! I don’t want tentacle cum on me GET IT OFF ME!”

“What? You really don’t like it?” His brows furrow, slight confusion written on his face. “But I even got it strawberry flavored, I know it’s your favorite.” He swipes the liquid from your thighs onto his pointer finger, slowly bringing it to your face. “Here, just give it a taste-“

You kick his face with your heel, throwing him backwards with the toy flying out of his hands and onto the edge of the bed.

He groans from the floor, rubbing his chin as he sits back up to give you an annoyed pout.

“What was that for?!”

“Can you quit being such a weirdo? Can we do something normal for once-“

“Like me fucking your face?”

You roll your eyes at that, but then the perfect idea comes to mind. You quickly cover up your annoyance with a sweet smile, “Okay, sure.”

Jungkook looks at you quizzically, thinking you wouldn’t agree so easily. “For real?”

“Yes, on one condition.” You pull your hands forward from the bed post, “Untie me and no tentacles.”

He pouts hearing your response, but nonetheless you can tell he’s thinking about it. You see him twiddling his thumbs, something he does when he’s deep in thought as he weighs the pros and cons of the situation. You know just the right buttons to push to get your way though.

“Jungkook, baby, you know you want it as bad as I do.” You lick your lips slowly, making sure he gets a good look at your pink muscle. 

“I want to taste your cock so bad,” You whine, arching your back off the bed, “Can I? Pretty please?” 

You saw the glint in his eyes, and immediately you knew you got the hook and sinker. You smile at him when you see him get up from his spot, seemingly making his way to untie you from the bedposts. Victory is not much far from here, and then you can finally give him a taste of his own medicine-

You hear the bed creak from the side, and next thing you know Jungkook is straddling your chest. 

“What are you-” You moan when he grabs your breasts, kneading them and pinching your sensitive nipple.

“You want it that bad huh? It’d be torture if I made you wait any longer,” He pulls his tights down his thighs, exposing his rock hard erection. You can’t help but drool a little over seeing the precum that leaks so deliciously down his cock, unconsciously making you lick your lips once more. 

He grabs your breasts once again, slipping himself in between. You can’t deny how fucking hot this is, watching his face contort in pure ecstasy as he uses you to relieve himself. You both groan at the feeling, your mewls spilling out between your lips as he flicks your nipples with each thrust. It makes you completely forget your proposition just a minute ago.

“Open up for me.” You oblige, sticking your tongue out when he pushes the tip of his warm cock to your mouth. You suckle on it, taking the opportunity to lap up all his precum and take the rest that’s threatening to spill out. He grunts above you, slowly pushing himself further into your tight little mouth.

“Fuck yes, that’s it.”  You relax your muscles, letting him guide his way into you. Your mouth always gets so full, his girth stretching you out in all the painfully right ways. 

“You’re such a good girl, taking me like this.” He’s halfway into you before he pulls back out, brushing his angry tip against your bottom lip. He decides to rest his hands on the back of your head, positioning you the right way for what’s to come. 

“Y/N!” He pushes back into you slowly as to not hurt you, going much deeper than the first time. The tears are already threatening to fall, but you can’t help but love every second of Jungkook whining above you, praising you, falling apart above you. As much as it hurts, you love when he really gets into it, thrusting deeply into your mouth that you feel him almost everywhere inside of you, making you gag all over his throbbing cock. 

“Mmm, yes, ah! J-just like that Sweetheart,” he groans.

Saliva spills from between your lips and down your face with each thrust, your head aching a bit from each time Jungkook braces himself when his tip reaches the back of your throat. You swallow each time he praises you, making you a moaning mess all over his dick.

“God, you’re so fucking hot,” He grunts, his balls slapping against your chin, “My cock was made to fuck your pretty little mouth.” He pulls out to let you breathe, tapping his dick against your bottom lip. You stick your tongue out to get another taste of him, making him hum.

“Look at you, so hungry for my cock.” He rubs himself against your cheek, letting you suck on his balls. He groans, pushing himself away from you. You whine at the lost, making him chuckle.

“You can’t sweetheart, I’ll come all over your beautiful face.” He resorts to pressing himself against your breast, the tip flicking your erect nipple. 

“Fuck,” You cry, wanting for him to do nothing more than what he just proposed, “Come all over me Jungkook, please.”

He grunts at your response, grinding himself harshly between the valley of your breasts. 

“As much as I want to, I’d rather fuck you full of my come.” You whimper at his words, your pussy throbbing over nothing as you clench your thighs in attempt to relieve yourself. It doesn’t work though, and what makes matters much worse is when you look up to see Jungkook closing a tight fist below his tip, veins popping from his neck and deep pants spilling out from his mouth above you. He slaps his cock against your chest a few more times, slowly regaining his composure again with a relieved sigh.

“You know, you’re so good to me.” He scoots back enough to lean down and give you a soft kiss, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He moves to the headboard to untie your wrists, releasing you from the fake webs. 

Fucking finally.

You immediately rub your wrists, flinching at the red lines etched into your skin. He grabs your wrists and kisses them, “You good, baby? I didn’t go too far did I?”

Instead of answering you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He moans into your mouth, letting you sneak your tongue into his warm cavern. Your tongues dance along each others as a fight for dominance, but Jungkook is almost putty in your arms once your lips wrap around to suck on his warm muscle, making him whimper. You take this as a chance to flip your positions, rolling around so you’re straddling him and his head is nestled between the pillows. He looks so fucked out from under you, cheeks tinted pink and sweat running down the sides of his face.

You lean down to pepper kisses down his jawline. “Jungkook,” You whisper as seductively as you can in his ear, “Are you feeling how wet you made me?” He moans when you grind yourself against him, letting out a breathy fuck yes as you continue to suck and nibble on the sensitive parts of his neck. You slip one of your hands down to your core, coating two fingers in your juices before bringing them back up to Jungkook’s plush lips. You sink your fingers into his mouth, humming as you feel his tongue wrap around your digits.

“Do you like that?” He moans around you to tell you how much he enjoys it.

“Do you want more?” You slip your fingers out with a pop, leaning down to kiss him once again. You feel him all over, running your hands up his biceps and guiding his arms slowly above his head in the most subtle way possible. 

“Do you want to feel me? Do you want me to sink down on your cock and fuck you til’ you fill me completely up with your come?” 

“God, yes,” He whimpers, so lost in your dirty talk and you nibbling against his jawline that he didn’t even notice you pinning his wrists above his head. You smile against his skin, 

“Well, you’re just going to have to wait until I’m done with you, bitch.” 

You secure the webs around his wrists, pulling his hands down to settle behind his head.

“What are you-” You muffle him up with his mask that was mindlessly thrown on the bedside counter, making sure it was lodged in there enough that he can’t make a peep.

“You’ve been talking way too much tonight babe, I think it’s time to shut you up.” He squints at that, brows furrowed as he tries to release himself from the webs.

“Nuh uh uh, you’re not going anywhere.” You climb over him quickly, trapping his arms under your thighs. His hands are stuck under his head with the weight of your body over him, not allowing him to move an inch. You wipe his hair out from his forehead, slicking it back from his face to meet his eyes. 

“It’s my turn.”

You pull the mask out of him, not even sparing him a second to breathe when you lower your pussy right onto his mouth. You moan when his tongue meets your neglected clit, relief finally washing over you as you sink yourself deeper into him. He moans, the vibrations racking through you as you grind yourself further into his mouth to feel as much as you can.

“Fuck, Jungkook!” You cry, one hand holding the bed frame to steady yourself while the other has a firm grip in his brown locks. You can hear the dribbling of your juices spilling out from his mouth as he tries his best to capture every drop. He delves his tongue deeper into your pussy, making sure you’re getting fucked by it while you grind your clit against his nose.

“Oh god, yes, Jungkook,” You’re going insane as he thrusts his wet muscle repeatedly into you, your thighs tightening against the sides of his face. You roll your hips into him, mewling as he doesn’t stop pleasuring you from below. As much as you didn’t want to stop, you lift yourself up briefly to let him breathe.

Both of you are panting, eyes boring into each other as you collect yourselves for a moment.

“-get it,” You hear him murmur from below you. 

“What?” You looked at him in confusion, not catching what he said before.

“I said, you’re gonna fucking get it,” he growls, “Just wait.” You’re sure you’re supposed to be a little scared of his threat, but can’t help but think about how fucking hot he looks right now. His jaw is clenched, chin and mouth glistened in you. You swipe a bit from his face and place your thumb on his bottom lip, smearing it nicely over him. His tongue darts out to lick your thumb, making you hum. 

“Don’t worry babe, I know I’m gonna get what I want.” You use your thumb to pull his lip downward, “Open up for me.” 

He complies, sticking his tongue out as your pussy hovers inches above him. You let your juices drip from out of you, groaning as you watch him catch every drop with a satisfied hum. 

“Do you love tasting me?” You hear him hum a god yes before you lower yourself onto him once more, throwing your head back once he starts assaulting your core in all the right ways. Your toes curl in on you as you ride his face, whimpering his name as the headboard thuds loudly against the thin walls. 

“Oh my god, Jungkook, yes, yes, there!” You cry, egging him on further to let you reach your high.

“S-so, ah! Fucking good,” you moan as you continue grinding into his hot tongue, your cries slowly progressing into high pitched screams when he gets himself in deeper than ever before.

“J-Jungkook, Jungkook, g-gonna, ah!” You dig your nails into the headboard when you come, riding your high out as he continues to thrust himself in and out of you. He moves to roll his tongue against your nub, causing you to cry out once more as your hips grow more erratic through your orgasm. The feeling keeps coming in waves, and Jungkook never seizes until your hips slowly come to a halt, pulling yourself off of him as the overstimulation becomes too much to handle. 

You rest your head against his chest, exhaustion washing over you as your eyelids become heavy. You always fall asleep rather quickly after an orgasm, especially after a good one like that. You’re already slowly drifting off to sleep when you hear a loud tear above you, making you flinch. You look up to find Jungkook’s wrists free from the confines of the web, hands slowly moving to get a firm grip on your waist. He’s staring daggers at you, nostrils flaring with his lips in a tight, thin line. 

Fear floods you when you realize you really got yourself in for it. “J-Jungkook,”

You yelp when he flips you over, back hitting the bed. He wastes no time shoving your legs opened, resting himself in between. 

“Wait, baby-” 

You cry when he slaps your clit, rubbing a tight circle with the pad of his thumb. He uses his pointer and middle finger to trace your drenched folds, tsking as he looks up at you with dark eyes.

“You’re such a fucking brat, you know that?” He continues to sink his fingers into your wetness, bringing them up for you to see all your release.

“Taking what you want, then making a mess like this and not even bothering to clean it up. Such a spoiled fucking brat.” 

He moves his fingers to your mouth, pushing them in for you to lap up all your excess. You moan, using your tongue to get each and every drop that he offers to you.

“That’s right, clean your cum off my fingers, nice and clean.” He pulls out with a pop, pushing his hips closer to the back of your thighs. He moves your legs up so that it’s more elevated, then pulls your arms down towards him.

“Hold your legs up and spread yourself.” You listen, not wanting to push his buttons any further. You hold your legs by hooking your arms under your knees, spreading yourself out so that he has the perfect view of your pussy below. He grunts, biting his lip as he takes hold of his raging cock to give it a few strokes. You feel a spark in you ignite once more when you watch him pump himself, teeth caught between his lips as he stares intently at your wetness dripping down to the sheets. He stops himself and grabs hold of your inner thighs, placing his cock right in between your folds. He begins slowly grinding himself against you, pushing forward so his tip brushes against your clit ever so deliciously, making you moan.

He grunts above you, wet squelches echoing through the room as your slickness coats his length each time he ruts into your folds. As good as it feels, you can’t ignore the growing ache of wanting to be filled up by him, to have him ramming his cock into you and making you forget your own name for a few days.

“J-Jungkook,” You mewl, “Fuck, just put it in me!”

“No,” He grunts, “This is your punishment. You’re not getting it so easy this time, Y/N.”

He pushes harder against you, his tip almost being exactly where you needed him to be with each thrust but missing your entrance by literally a hair. Your pussy clenches over nothing each stroke, making you cry in frustration as tears start pricking your eyes. You try to grind back into him to feel more, but the position he has you in makes it impossible.

“P-please, Jungkook, just fuck me,” You whimper below him.

He ruts into you faster, your legs shaking from all the teasing. 

“No.” He pants, “This is what you g-get for being a b-brat.” He looks just as fucked out as you are, and although you know he wants nothing more than to drill you into his mattress, when he’s set on punishing you he keeps his word. You don’t know how long he’ll go on with this, but you’re so desperate you’re resorting for other ways to relieve yourself.

You moan, moving one of your hands to rub your clit. Jungkook shoves your hand away, 

“Don’t even dare, Princess.” 

You groan, hands balling into fists against the bedsheets. You were going insane.

“Jungkook, you have to let me- fuck, do something!” You whimper,  “At least fucking let me touch m-myself.” 

He rolls his hips into you slowly now, but deep and hard enough to have you writhing underneath him. 

“You want to touch yourself that bad? Fine, I’ll let you.” 

You sigh in relief when you hear him say that, reaching for your clit again. He grabs your hand before you reach it, shaking his head. “Not with that. With this.”

He grabs the tentacle dildo that you thought was long forgotten on the edge of the bed, the distasteful neon green filling your vision as he shoves it in front of your face. 

“A-are you fucking serious?” You thought you were done playing his games.

Apparently not.

“Take it or leave it babe, it’s up to you.” His cock sinks deeper into your folds once more, rubbing you in just the right ways. You can feel your orgasm building, but you know you need that little push to finally get you over the edge. 

You can’t believe he gave you this ultimatum. As much as you fucking hated this, you were so desperate that you didn’t have any other choice.

“UGH, FINE!” You groan out loud, grabbing the toy from his hand.

He has the biggest smile on his dumb face as he watches you play with the settings, making sure to avoid the deathly strawberry cum squirting option. You finally find the button that brings the toy to life, vibrating mildly against the palm of your hand. After having an inner battle with yourself that Jungkook is probably never going to let this go but you’re way too fucking horny to even care right now, you slowly bring the toy to your clit. You jerk when it makes contact with your nub, closing your eyes as the vibrations actually feel...really nice.

You play with it a little, moving it around to graze over your clit as you get more and more into the vibrations. You click the button to change it so it goes a bit faster, and after circling it around yourself you find the perfect spot that makes your toes curl. 

“Holy fuck,” You moan, grinding yourself into the toy as Jungkook continues to rub your folds.

“Someone likes this more than she thought she would,” You hear him comment, already seeing the smug smirk on his face but you’re too lost in your own world to care. You continue to circle the toy around you, your clit swelling as Jungkook holds your waist down to keep you from squirming so much. Just as you were really getting into it, the toy is whipped from your hand.

“What the fuck are you- oh!” Jungkook sets the toy at an even faster pace, pushing the toy harshly against your clit that has you a moaning mess.

“F-fuck, oh my god, Jungkook!” You cry, nails raking down his toned stomach.

“Shit, this is so fucking hot,” He grunts, grinding himself harder against you and allowing his tip to brush against the vibrator each time he thrusts, making him whine. “You fucking like that? Want more baby?”

You feel him tracing the toy away from your nub to your lower folds, brushing them against your entrance. Before he can push the toy into you you grab his wrist, halting his movement.

“O-one more move Jeon, and I’ll cut your dick off,” You pant tirelessly. Yeah, you’re desperate and you wanna be fucked, but you’re not THAT desperate.

You hear a small okay from him, bringing the toy back to your neglected clit. You moan, arching your back as he presses the toy against you, circling it around making you see stars. You feel your orgasm coming, and just when you thought it couldn’t feel any better, Jungkook clicks the toy to the highest setting, pushing his cock deep into your tight heat so suddenly you scream. 

“Jungkook!” Your body arches upward abruptly, the toy stimulating your clit intensely while Jungkook’s cock pounds into you simultaneously. All these feelings make your eyes roll back, thighs clenching around the toy and your pussy sucking in Jungkook that he has to stop before he spills into you. He holds you as you come down from your amazing high, peppering light kisses against your jawline. You feel limp, completely exhausted from this whole day that you want to take a 3 day nap. 

The toy continues to vibrate against your clit, pleasure slowly turning into pain as the overstimulation gets too intense.

“Mmm, Jungkook, take it off,” You groan. You see him visibly fumbling with it, pressing the keys but not bothering to take it off.

“Stop messing around and- ah! take it off,” you growl, not wanting to play around anymore. 

“I-I’m trying,” He says, and you feel him attempting to pull the toy off of you but your clit gets pulled with it, making you cry out. You feel the vibrations through your core and throughout your body, all your senses going into overload. The toy rapidly abuses your clit, and Jungkook isn’t making it any better as he basically pinches your nub along with each pull. You fist the sheets, whimpering as you feel another orgasm resurfacing, but the pain mixed with pleasure is almost too much for you to handle. You clench around his cock that’s still buried deep within you, causing him to jerk his hips forward with a moan. He hits your spot with that, pushing you over the edge once again and making you come a second time embarrassingly quick over his swelled cock. Jungkook whimpers as you tighten so deliciously around him, mumbling out fucks as he can’t help but rut himself into you a few times, you crying out his name as you finished riding out your high. 

Once your hips have fallen back down and you’re begging for him to make it stop, he finds the setting on the toy to turn it off. You pant, hair sticking to your face as sweat slides down your temples. 

“W-what the hell was that?” You manage to say over stuttered breaths, trying to muster up the best glare you could in his direction.

You see the slight panic in his eyes, and when he looks up you see him cover it up with innocent eyes and pouty lips. 

“Um, spider monkey...there’s just been a slight little hiccup,” He bites his lip, giving you a tight lipped smile.

“What? What is it?”

“W-well, um, it’s just-”

“Just spit it out, Jungkook.” You groan.

“It’s...the toy, it’s kind of...stuck?” You look down when he says that, seeing the toy still pressed up against your pussy.

“It’s what?” You look at him incredulously, blinking slowly as to process what he just said to you.

“It...one of the suctions on the toy, your...” He stutters, not having to even finish his sentence when you look down again, more intently.

You see your clit lodged into one of the suctions on the tentacle, completely wrapped around it. You scream when you see it, the worst scenarios coming to mind with each passing second.

“Oh my god, no no no-” You take the toy and pull it upwards, but you’re still so sensitive that it pains you so you stop. You try again, but to no avail.

You cry in frustration, throwing your head back into the pillows and covering your face in your hands.

“...B-baby?” Jungkook calls out to you after a few seconds of silence, concern laced in his voice.

“My clit...” You whisper, “My poor, poor clit.” You scream into your hands.

“Y-Y/N, it’s going to be okay-” 

“No it won’t!” You cry, “It’s in there! It won’t come out! You’re going to have to take me to the ER and they’re going to have to cut off my clit in this sex crazed tentacle act!” Jungkook tries to calm you down but you don’t listen and continue your tangent.

“She didn’t even do anything wrong, she just came out to have a good time,” You whimper in your palms, “She didn’t deserve this.”

“She?...Um, okay Y/N, she’s gonna be fine, I’m telling you babe,” He presses, reaching over to grab his phone. “I have a solution.”

“You do?” You look up at him, hopelessness washing away as you watch him tap away on his phone.

“Yeah, I really thought about it once I bought this, and just in case of an emergency I decided to get a warranty,” He continues pushing some buttons on his phone. “The dildo comes with troubleshooting with the manufacturer, I even have an app for it. Isn’t that cool?”

“So you just type in what model the toy is in here, and then it’ll transfer you over to your own personal assistant. And then from here...”

You see him moving the phone horizontally, angling it a certain way. 

“...Then you just take a picture and send it to them, telling them what the problem was. Then they’ll hit us back up in about an hour, and we’re all good-” You kick the phone out of his hand, hitting him in the chin along with it. He groans as he throws his head back, rubbing the spot you clipped him at. 

“Ow!”

“DON’T TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS! Why would you send a picture of my pussy to some rando!?” 

“Y/N, they are trained professionals. Privacy is their best policy. This has probably happened lots of times before-”

“I’M NOT SENDING NUDES TO YOUR DILDO COMPANY!” 

“I don’t know how to help you then,” He huffs, continuing to talk under his breath about how amazing their customer service is and how they would probably send some new products for this mess.

“You know, they’d probably even give me a money back guarantee over this.”

“My fucking clit is priceless Jeon, priceless.” You groan, not knowing what to do. “Fuck, my life is over! What do I even do now?! How do I live?!” 

How do you even tell someone about this? You let your weeb boyfriend mess around with his signature tentacle dildo collectible on you and then a freak accident happened, making you lose a vital part of your body? You’re going to die without your clit. What would people tell your parents at your funeral? How could you even show up to the ceremony, clitless?

“Y/N, stop being so dramatic. You have me!”

“No! That’s not enough!” You huff. His eyes widen and he touches his chest, visibly offended.

“Wow, I can’t believe you just said that.” He purses his lips as he watches you mourn over what you thought was a grave loss, assessing the situation. Having you mope like that is actually making him go soft. He has to fix this quick.

Then an idea pops into his head.

“Okay sweetheart, I think I know how to get this baby off of you.” You watch him pull out and push himself backwards, his face level with the toy. You look at him questioningly, wondering if he’s going to pull some careless act that’ll really have you saying goodbye to your best friend. She’s been there for all your life, all your ups and your downs, and you can’t lose her now after Jungkook’s one stupid act.

“It looks like its lodged up in there pretty good, but I think with enough slickness it’ll slip off.”

“And what are you gonna use?” You look at him, mildly concerned.

He looks at you smugly, “My best weapon.” 

Before you can respond he dips his head down, pushing his tongue to partly wrap around the suction. The sudden contact makes you yelp, thighs wrapping around his head. He uses his hands to keep your legs opened, lapping at the suction to get it more wet. You shudder when you feel the tip of his tongue sink into you, making you grab a fistful of his hair. 

“Jungkook,” You moan, “A-are you sure this is even gonna-ah! work?” It’s hard to concentrate when you feel his lips at your core, his tongue working wonders against you even though he doesn’t mean to. 

“I’m Spiderman baby, I’m always here to save the day. And in this case, my mission is to rescue this clitoris-” You shove his face deeper into your cunt, muffling him up.

“Okay, just do what you gotta do Jungkook and for the love of god, stop talking.”

He mumbles something incoherent, but nonetheless gets back to work. You feel him working against your core, trying his best to soak the area enough to try and slip off the toy. He grabs hold of the toy, slowly pulling it upward but you still feel the pressure of it pulling you with it. The pain gets masked by the pleasure of  Jungkook pressing his tongue against your spot, slowly making your insides tingle with a burning want as you feel your lower stomach coiling for more contact. You instinctively pull his face closer to you, moaning as your hips start slowly grinding into him. He pushes you down firmly, causing you to stop your ministrations.

“Stop moving, I think it’s almost off,” He continues to run his tongue against the base of your clit, making your pussy ache. You try your best to stay still for him, but his mouth feels so good you’re literally on the brink of another orgasm. You try to recount all the weird ass nicknames Jungkook’s been giving you all day, all the superhero puns he’s probably been waiting to say for months on this day, anything that’ll stop you from thinking about his wet muscle working you wonderfully down below. Just as you were repeating daddy long legs in your head, you couldn’t contain the loud moan when he tugs the toy upward a bit harshly, his lips wrapped around most of you as his tongue assaults your nub. You feel it, the wave of adrenaline rushing up just to drown you in a feeling of pure ecstasy. But before you can reach it, Jungkook removes the toy with a pop, whipping his face upwards to look at you with his big bunny smile.

“I did it! I did it! It worked, I told you!” He gushes over himself, “See, I knew I could save you! Spiderman is still as sexy and reliable as ever-” 

You cut off his little praise pitch early by getting up and shoving him down to the bed, crawling up on him to straddle his waist. You lean down to kiss him before he can speak, his lips melting into the kiss as his arms wrap around your waist.

“Thank you, Jungkook,” You kiss him again, “But we’re never fucking do that ever again.” He hums an I guess before you grab hold of his long neglected member, pumping it and making him shudder.

“You still haven’t come?” He shakes his head, cursing as you take one of his nipples into your mouth. You lightly suck on it, earning a moan from him.

“Well, even though it was your fault from the start you ended up fixing it, so I guess I owe you one.” You use that as an excuse when you’re really desperate to feel him inside you at this moment. You lift yourself up to line yourself with his cock, already ready for him from his previous actions. 

You sigh as you feel his tip pressed against your entrance, “How much do you want this?”

“So bad, fuck, so bad Y/N.” He practically whimpers, giving you a spike of pride that you could make him act this way.

His cock slowly spreads your walls as you sink down, filling you up so well that your legs feel numb. 

“Ah! Shit, you’re so-god, so-mm, good.” He mewls.

“Mmm, yeah?” You take him inch by inch, his moans encouraging you to keep going as you finally bottom out, sitting on him snugly as you savor the moment you’ve been waiting for all day. You grip his hands that are secured against your waist and start moving, your moans synchronizing with each time you move up and down his length.

“Y-you’re so fucking tight,” He groans, nails pressing further into the skin of your hips, “So fucking warm.”

“Yeah? You like me, ah, swallowing up your cock?” You move your hands to his chest, angling yourself forward so that you can fuck him at a harder pace.

“Fuck yes, yes, oh my god, you’re taking my cock so good.” His mouth latches onto one of your nipples, sucking on it as you roll your hips into him. He’s reaching you so deep from this angle, his hips slightly bucking up to push himself further into you.

His hands make their way to your ass, squeezing them harshly before giving you a firm slap on one of your cheeks. You moan, raising yourself from your position so now you’re directly bouncing on his cock.

“Y/N! Shit,” He whines, “Faster, god please go faster.” 

“Yeah baby? You want it harder?” You love hearing him beg for more; it was one of the hottest things you’ve probably ever heard in your lifetime. You see his eyes start to water, teeth sunken into his bottom lip as he holds onto you for dear life. You moan, pushing yourself to go harder against him just to hear him cry your name, seeing him slowly lose it because of you.

“Yes, yes, ah! Fuck...Y/N,” He whimpers your name like a mantra below you, bed creaking faster and begging for mercy as the continuous slap, slap, slaps echo throughout the room. 

“God! R-right there Y/N, please.” You can feel your ass almost bruising from the onslaught of you slamming down on him, your pussy aching just as delightfully around his thick cock. As much as you want to keep going, your pace starts slowing down, the soreness in your thighs finally getting the better of you. You resort to rolling your hips, moving yourself back and forth against him to try and keep the momentum going.

“Tired, sweetheart?” You bite your lip, slowly nodding as he chuckles. He pushes the wet strands of your hair back from your face, leaning up to kiss you. The kiss is soft, warm, nothing intense like before. He kisses you like he could almost break you, but you can feel all the emotions tumbling down on you through that one simple kiss. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He smiles, grabbing you by the hips and flipping you guys over, careful not to separate you two as your back makes contact the bed. 

“I’m really glad I could call you mine.” He moves his hands under your head and lifts you up, moving some extra pillows to make sure you’re comfortable. He moves himself closer into you, adjusting the back of your thighs so they’re resting against him rather than hanging up in the air.

“Better?” You hum, wrapping your arms around his neck to connect your lips again. Times like these are the ones that bring you back to reality, making you remember you chose the right guy. Although he has his weird little kinks and he can be a complete idiot sometimes, Jungkook was always there for you. He always made sure you were comfortable, always there for reassurance for anything. Always kind, always loving. 

“I love you,” You whispered against his lips, making him smile into the next kiss.

“I love you too, Y/N.” He wraps your legs around his waist, holding your face as he kisses you much deeper. His hips slowly start moving, making your breath hitch in your throat.

His strokes were slow but deep, making sure he was taking his time with you. He kissed your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, your lips. He covered your body in bits of love, each one letting you know how much you mean to him. Once he hit that spot that had you arching your back and mewling his name, he set a faster pace.

“Mmm, right there baby?” 

“Yes! Jungkook, yes, right fucking there,” You cry, holding him closer to you. He thrusts deeper into you, his toned thighs slapping against your ass as the headboard bangs against the wall. He makes sure to rut against that spot, making you clench harder around his aching cock. 

“Jungkook!” You moan his name repeatedly as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. He kisses the corner of your mouth as you lose yourself in him, your nails raking down his broad shoulders.

“Come for me sweetheart, I wanna feel you all over me,” He snakes a hand down to your bundle of nerves, pressing the pad of his thumb against it in tight, quick circles.

You cry out his name when you come, clenching so tightly around his cock he can’t help but come with you, his seed spilling deep into you as he fucks you both through your high. You feel him filling you up, some of it leaking out of your core as he slows down but doesn’t pull out. You both pant against each other, covered in sweat as he falls on top of you. You brush his sweaty hair back from his face that rests on your chest, tracing his jawline as you regulate your breathing. 

He looks up at you, chin resting on your skin and you both tirelessly laugh. 

“I really don’t want to let you go, you’re so warm,” He murmurs, keeping himself in you for a bit longer.

“Well, we have to clean up, then we can cuddle naked and watch Naruto.” He mumbles a fine at your offer, knowing that he couldn’t say no to that. He gets off of you and slowly slips out of you, a mixture of both you and him spilling out and onto the sheets. 

“You look really good like that you know,” Licking his lips as he watches your wetness make more of a mess below, “I could literally get off on just this image.” 

You smile and roll your eyes, “Just get something to clean this up, okay?” You’re waiting for him to move off the bed to grab a towel, but instead he grabs your legs, dipping his head down to your core. Before you can stop him he laps up his own cum along with yours, sucking on all the excess as you grip his hair. He juts his tongue into you, getting every drop from you and making you moan tiredly. It’s too much, and you force his mouth off of you. 

“Okay Jungkook,” you whine.

He reluctantly lets you go, licking his lips when he looks up at you. “Fine, but just because you were so good to me today.” He winks at you before he sits up off the bed, walking to the closet to grab a towel.

“You know, this was honestly the only weird fantasy I’ve ever had, and you’re amazing for letting me live it out.”

You scoff at that, making him turn back to look at you with a quirked brow. 

“What?”

“Jungkook, I know your pervy weeb ass better than anyone and know for a fact this is not the only fantasy you’ve had.” You almost can’t contain the laugh that’s bubbling up in your throat.

“I’m serious Y/N! Okay, the tentacle was a little extra, I know, but that was just because Stan Lee was all over it, I had to have it!”

“Don’t say Stan Lee was all over it, that sounds so gross!” You gag.

“Okay, not like that! Not like how you were all over it, which by the way, was really really hot-”

“Jungkook!”

“Kidding! But you know what I meant okay...” He huffs, “Anyways, you make it sound like I’m some weirdo that has a cosplay kink. I like comics, yeah, I like anime, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want to go on some sex crazed superhero roleplay series-” 

Just as he’s talking he opens the door to his closet, making a litter of boxes and clothes fall on the floor in front of you two. You look down to see the mess, and the first thing that caught your eye surprisingly wasn’t even shocking to you. 

You see a full on, decked out suit that spilled from what looked like a box stored deep inside his closet. The top half of the suit was all gold, with what looked like actual gold gems along the neckline. A gold, expensive looking belt was also included in the attire, and the bottom half of the suit was bright green that was covered in what looked like..scales?

You both looked at the costume and then back at each other, Jungkook’s eyes widening as he looks at you in panic.

“Y/N, I can explain-”

You both hear a loud clang from the closet, a stick about to tumble onto the floor but he catches it before it falls. You both look at the gold trident in his hand, covered in sequins and diamonds that you don’t even want to bother asking how many paychecks it must’ve costed.

“...Aquaman? Really?”

“Y/N, look, it’s not what you think! When I was trying to go to DragonCon two years ago they had this little collective superhero convention and Stan Lee was-”

“Jungkook!”

[im-whatchamccallit]

Their S/O Helping with Their Music//3Racha

(A/N: This is based on the Hongjoong+Mingi reactions I did two days ago if you’d like to read those. Also, I have a notification for an extra message in my ask box but nothing shows up. So if you requested something, and have been waiting forever for it, I’m sorry but I literally can’t find it. But please feel free to request again!)

Let me preface by saying 3Racha have a great work dynamic, mainly because they’re all proficient, if not experts, when it comes to music. Because they all know what to do and how to do it, everything is fun and effortless. That being said, let’s talk about why 3Racha would be STRESSED having their s/o try to help them make music.

For starters, Chris would say yes to your offer to help. He thought it’d be a cute, fun, nice couplely activity to do together. But Chris is also very serious about his music, so watching you nearly screw up the melodies and beats he spent weeks making was enough to give him a panic attack.

Chris would ask you to just write some lyrics for the song, giving you a basic idea of what the comeback would be and the vibe he needs the lyrics to fit, honestly just needing you to not screw anything else up. And, thankfully, you didn’t this time. Sure, the lyrics needed a bit of touching up, being a bit too romantic for a song about spiraling into the deep, dark abyss we call life but, dammit, he was proud of you.

He’d feel bad that writing is all you’ve done since you got there, knowing you wanted to contribute a lot more, but being a complete novice in a room with nearly completed songs that only needed editing was dangerous. Chris would push aside that project and start a new one, ushering you over so that he can teach you the basics, giving you the opportunity to create a song of your own now that it’s clear Chris doesn’t really need the help.

Was he stressed out because it took you 3 hours to understand the difference between a mixer and controller? Yes.

Would he ever let you come back to help him again? Maybe, but only when they were on a break and didn’t have to focus on deadlines and promotions.

Changbin is a lot less lenient than Chris. You learned that the first time you visited him at the studio, only to be scolded as if you were a random person that broke into his home, and that’s when you learned the most important rule of working with Changbin:

HE IS SPEAR B WHEN HE’S IN THE STUDIO AND SPEAR B IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!

Spear B doesn’t coddle you and do the work for you like Changbin most likely would, so you had to make sure you had some ways to contribute to helping him or else you’d be gone within a second.

Changbin knew you were a great pianist and had a particularly great ear for music, more so in terms of vocal abilities, and you’re notes honestly helped him correct his songs the way he needed them to be. So, after giving you his typical “no fooling around, one strike and you’re out” warning, you were in.

You were both pretty productive, but every time Changbin glanced over to you, hearing a tune that was unfamiliar or, if familiar, was from a movie or video game, he’d eye you suspiciously.

He knew you were getting a bit restless, and that your boredom was taking over, so he tried to do whatever possible to keep you entertained while also keeping the progress of his work going. From asking you to make an outro for an unreleased (and already completed) song, to having you revise lyrics he wrote months ago and hasn’t batted an eye at since.

Not even 10 minutes after being assigned those task, you were finished, letting out a groan followed by a whiny ‘I’m bored’. For an amateur, you worked fast.

At this point, Changbin begs you to give him a few more minutes with editing, knowing he needed to get it checked over by Chan and Jisung afterwards anyways, but still wanting to complete it on his own. But you continued to complain, your voice echoing in the space as you asked him if you can start on something new, hopefully creating something for 3Racha or Stray Kids to perform in the future, your rambling cut short by a loud and obviously annoyed ‘Do what you want! Just let me finish this!’.

This is how you began to work in silence, you pressing away at the keys to form a strictly melancholy tune, Changbin finally done editing. When he looked at you, he felt his heart sink. You were only trying to help. It wasn’t like you were goofing off or distracting him, you just wanted to do even more work on top of the work you already finished, but he was so worried about his deadline that he took it out on you. Again, Spear B wasn’t your boyfriend and you both knew that, but that doesn’t mean Spear B had to be a dick to you. You felt Changbin readjust your hands so you were now playing a more upbeat melody, one that fit his style just right, not giving him any attention until he called you ‘jagiya’, a smile forming on your face as he attempted to silently apologize for his anger.

(I don’t even like guys younger than me but I’d D I E for Jisung ;-;)

Jisung was TERRIFIED when you offered to help. He would contemplate saying no to you, especially with you already here at the studio, standing in front of him with doe-like eyes filled with determination. But that wasn’t what scared him. What scared him was watching that determination disappear after a few minutes with him.

Considering Jisung is the main lyricist of 3Racha, he puts his all into his words, that includes his emotions. This song in particular was a bit dark compared to his usual lighthearted behavior at home. You’ve never sat in on his writing sessions, and he was positive this would be a terrible introduction for you to experience it, but he let you in anyways, watching you practically skip towards the spinning chairs as you prepared to witness the great J.One in action.

And, my god, were you shocked.

You’ve seen Jisung cry plenty of times, sure. But you’ve never seen him like this, silently sobbing over his phone as he typed out lyrics, your eyes trained on him despite the fact you were supposed to be improving your mixing. He’d be so deep in the unspoken emotions he felt, finally letting them spill into what would be his next hit, when your voice interrupted him with a soft ‘are you okay?’.

This was the last way he wanted you to see him, he honestly felt pathetic. So, in typical Jisung fashion, he gave a few sniffles, wiping his face with one hand before bringing back his usual grin, trying to convince you he was fine. But you weren’t convinced and your face showed it, his smile faltering as he reassured you he was alright, encouraging you to keep practicing until you were proficient enough to add more instruments to the current melody.

Jisung tried to suppress his emotions from then on, only making you more anxious as you played around with the bass and drum settings on the keyboard, giving up and instead asking to review his lyrics so far. It was an unexpected request, and it made him a bit insecure considering he wasn’t even close to finished, but he allowed you to take a look anyways.

This was the first time anyone outside of 3Racha has seen his writing process, so he couldn’t help the anxiety building in his chest as your eyes skimmed each word. If he had written it all beforehand, maybe you wouldn’t have to see him with puffy, red eyes. Maybe you’d think he was cool just helping you compose so he can find the right beat to perform it to you.

He had so many thoughts running through his mind, almost freaking out until you handed him his phone back, a blank look on your face while his eyes watched you expectantly.

“The lyrics are obviously showing sadness but you worded them in a way that makes it seem like you’re angry and defensive. Don’t let your sadness be an undertone when it’s the main theme of the song.”

It wasn’t something one would describe as philosophical, but it made Jisung feel as if he were speaking to Ralph Emerson himself, your words an eye opener that did nothing but helped him transcend (pun intended) out of the box of emotions he lived in. There was just one problem...

“I don’t know where to start...” he admitted, staring down at the words he wrote as if he’d never seen them before in his life.

But you just offered a small smile and abandoned the half-asses harmonies you created before turning your attention to him, reminding him that you came to help and, got dammit, you were gonna help.

It wasn’t what either of you expected, to be sitting and talking about deep topics that brought tears to both your eyes, but you managed to write something both powerful and energetic while still true to Jisung’s emotions. He felt silly at that point for getting so worked up over you helping out, but after all the crying he’d done, he decided that would be a wrap for the day, not even bothering to finish with the actual beat, saying a playful ‘I’ll ask Chan to do it’ as you both left the studio.

[imaginekhaos]

Look Me in the Eyes

NSFW

Pairing: Deku x Reader

Warings: unprotected sex, coercion, semi-public sex, dirty talking

Word Count: 3,911

This is my first time writing a fan fiction for BNHA and I’m really nervous. Any feedback is welcomed and I hope you enjoy. 

This is also really unedited so I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. 

* * * * * * *

Izuku Midoriya was many things. He was smart, determined and very kind. A flirt, however, he was not. You had developed a crush on Midoriya sometime around sophomore year, a few months into transferring to U.A. after your family's big move to Japan. It had started out harmless, a school girl crush with the intent of staying that way. You should have known better the second you met the girls of class 1-A and their giggling ways. Things took a deeper turn one night when you were all hanging out in Momo’s room, laughing, gossiping, and eating way too much junk food for your own good. The topic had naturally ended up on boys, specifically those in class 1-A. One thing lead to another and you eventually confessed your tiny crush on a certain green haired hero-to-be. Oh how you wish it had stopped there that night, but getting a group of girls together always ends up eventful.

“So,” Mina started mischievously from beside you, “who do you think is the most… endowed… of all the boys?”

The question caused many mouths to fall open at the abruptness but pretty soon thoughtful faces coated the entire room.

Mina continued, “I wouldn’t be too surprised if it were Kiri. He’s polite, manly and cute, so if he had a big dick it would just complete the package. No pun intended.”

Laughs rang out along with a few agreements from the other girls. Eyes trailed to your form sitting next to Mina, waiting for you to spill your thoughts. Heat engulfed your face, never expecting to have to answer this question.

“What about you, [Y/N]? Any particular green-haired, freckle-faced person come to mind?” Jiro teased.

“I-I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it before. Seems kinda r-rude, doesn’t it?” Stuttering your way through an explanation, hoping to diffuse the situation and detract attention from yourself.

Jiro rolled her eyes at your lame answer. Uraraka then chose to speak up in a voice barely above a whisper, “I bet he’s big… “ The blush on her cheeks was so dark that is was only outmatched by the one across your cheeks due to the thoughts that were running through your head. The rest of the night was spent laughing and spilling more secrets. It brought you all much closer as not only friends but as a new class of heroes.

Though the night went on as a festive blur, one remark in particular kept repeating in your head the next few days. Thoughts of hard muscle juxtaposed with soft skin and tufts of green hair. Thoughts of hot sweaty bodies intimately colliding. It was all too much! But, it was all in your head. No one knew the kind of lewd scenarios playing out in your mind. Especially Izuku. So, since he wasn’t much of a flirt, you weren’t surprised when he never noticed how bright your cheeks burned when his friendly touches lingered a little longer or how his eyes managed to make you feel so exposed when he studied you during training. Even if he had noticed he had been kind enough not to say something, no matter how bad you sometimes wished he would.

* * * * * * *

The last two years of high school went along without much of a hitch. As a class, you helped dismantle any trouble you came across and under the guidance of professional heros, you all managed to blossom into a promising new generation of heros. But with graduation comes separation. Many of the class broke off to find the region where they would be most helpful. Asui managed to snag a perfect placement on the coast, assisting in storm and water rescue while other students like Kaminari and Iida found agencies that had them doing all kinds of hero work. Even though you never left the area after graduation, you still found the perfect agency for you. It was small in comparison to some of the more well known ones, but they often assisted other agencies when short staffed or needed specialized help, so you couldn’t complain. Plus, all the other heroes were nice and very helpful when it came to learning on the job. It wasn’t until two years into the new job that the first real problem arose.

* * * * * * *

Slamming your fist on your desk you let out an aggravated groan. Tonight was a bust. There had been a new villain terrorizing the area around your agency for a few weeks now. They were strong, fast and impossibly hard to capture, always managing to escape their bonds before the could be truly apprehended. It made you so damn mad and made you feel like an awful hero because you couldn’t capture a single villain. You run your hands across your face and through your hair before rubbing your tired eyes. It had been too long since you had any quality sleep and it was starting to take its toll on you. With a sigh, you decided that the best course of action would be to call for some assistance. You got in contact with a local agency who agreed to send someone to help you with the problem. Thanking them, a huge weight felt lifted off your shoulders knowing that the villain would be caught within the week and you'll finally get some much needed rest.

The next day went forward rather uneventful until the evening. The extra hero was supposed to arrive early in the day for introductions and debriefing, but they had yet to show. Deep frown lines and worried creases overtook your normally cheery face. Why weren’t they here yet? Did they forget? What if they got caught by the villain, got dragged back to their layer and is currently being subjected to foregin tourture methods and no one knows where they are and- A very familiar head of green hair entered your field of vision, successfully ending the panicked mental ramblings. You had to take a second look. Surely they didn’t send him, he was much too busy to help with something this small.

Then your eyes met enrapturing green ones. They were the kind of green that spoke of lush growth in the wake of a forest fire. They were determined, fresh and held a new sense of warning that read: “I have power. I have authority. I will not start a fight, but I will end one” His eyes scanned the agency, noting every face, name and exit strategy he could retain before his eyes were caught on you. I bright smile spread across freckled cheeks, the glint in his eye gone and replaced with pure sugar. His steps quickened in your direction. Your feet were frozen as juvenile feelings came rushing back as fast as your heart was beating.  

Before you knew it, strong arms embraced you, snapping you out of your haze as you gently returned the hug. There were so many questions you wanted to ask, but your tongue was tied in a knot, filling your mouth and preventing any word from escaping.

“[Y/N]! I can’t believe it! It has been so long. How are you?” He spoke in a chipper voice, much too chipper for the feeling running through your body.

“D-Deku…?” you replied

“Yeah! Don’t tell me you already forgot about me, we were so close in school.”

“N-No I didn’t forget, I’m just surprised is all. I didn’t expect them to send their favorite hero to help out down here. Especially considering how low-profile this villain is.” you explained.

His cheeks warmed up at your statement. He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes cast downwards. “Well, I actually volunteered to come help. I saw the request form and your name on it and thought I would lend a hand. I hope that is alright?”

It was your turn to blush as his statement registered in your mind. “Y-Yeah! That’s fine, we need all the help we can get and who better to help us than the future number one?”

His hand retreated into his front pocket, eyes turning slightly cold almost as if you had offended him by bringing up the topic of being the number one hero. He gave a slightly strained smile. “Well I’m here. What can I do to help?”

* * * * * * *

Both your lungs and legs burned as you ran after the villain you had been chasing for weeks. It was finally going to happen, you were going to catch him! Bursting through the warehouse doors the villain had just ran through, your eyes scanned the room for signs of movement. Your heart stopped as you realized there were none. Carefully examining the cargo garage once more, slower as you walked around checking every corner, you found it empty. Heavy footsteps followed after you. Izuku caught up to you, panting from the exertion of chasing the villain. He took a look around the space himself, noticing it was empty.

“[Y/N], how did they get away? What happened? Are you okay?”

A low growl escaped your throat, aggravation flowing hotly through your veins. He had escaped. Again! Think, think, think! Where could he have gone? Was it his quirk that helped him escape so many times?

“[Y/N]! What’re you doing? Aren’t you going to go after him?”

Those eyes. You could still feel their effect on you from earlier and it only intensified because you could feel them on you now.. He just had such an intense way of logging your every move. Don’t get it wrong, it was exactly this kind of awareness that would make him such a successful hero one day, but it made chills run up your spine when you would catch those orbs focused on you. They ensured that any shred of focus you had on the case was dissolved. You weren’t a school-girl anymore, so why were you acting like one? Getting distracted in the middle of a chase was a rookie move and you would be kicking yourself over it for days.

Eye twitching, you whip around to face Deku. “Will you stop asking so many questions? He just escaped like he does every time! I am trying to figure out a plan and I can’t think when you’re looking at me, much less speaking! You are just too distracting and don’t need to be thinking about what you’re making me and my body feel when I’m trying to work!” Huffing, it takes a second for your outburst to register. The angry heat flowing through you immediately turned to cold as all the blood runs from your face.

Those damned green eyes bore into yours with a fire almost as hot as the blush painted across his freckled cheeks. Desire rolled off of Deku in seering waves and you could almost feel it. He took a step forward, breaking you out of your haze. Immediately you began to stutter an excuse for your outburst, “D-deku… I didn’t mean to say that. It was an accident. You weren’t ever supposed to find out!”

He took another step forward and cocked his head to the side, that cold look from earlier clouded his face making him look like a completely different person. “Keeping secrets isn’t any fun, [Y/N]. It isn’t good manners and it hurts people's feelings.” He pouted slightly, “Is that what you wanted? Hm? To hurt my feelings?”

Quickly you shake your head, but still take a step away from him as he continued to walk your direction. “No! I just… I just didn’t want you to know.”

Another step forward. Another step back. “Want me to know what? About your crush on me since high school? Bunny, I already knew. You’re a very bad liar.” Gone was the sweet and caring Izuku you thought you knew. And gone was your escape route you realized as your back hit the cool metal walls of the warehouse. “And not only are you a bad liar, your body is too. I still remember that cute little blush on your face when I would touch you, much like the blush you have now.”

His chest pressed lightly against yours, hot and electrifying. Your body slightly trembled but you weren’t sure if it was from anticipation or from shame of loving his attention. His hands came to rest on the wall by your head, successfully enclosing you two together so all you could focus on was him.

The steady ring of his phone snapped your attention away. Not breaking his eye contact with your face, he grabbed his phone and answered it. After a few nods and yes’s and a few moments of you squirming under his gaze, he hung up and put his phone away.

“They caught him.”

Shock overtook your features, momentarily forgetting the previous predicament. “What? How did they get him? He escaped!”

A smirk crawled onto Midoriya’s lips. “I had a hunch that his quirk dealt with teleportation, specifically short range considering he never leaves this area of Japan. If I were trying to escape, I would lead my enemies to the lowest floor of a building and then teleport to the top, giving me ample time to escape in any direction without leaving a clue. Since most quirks have a drawback, I made a guess that a teleportation quirk would have a cooldown time, limiting the amount of times you could teleport. I then let the local authorities know. They did the rest.”

He seemed so proud of himself. Smug in the fact that he was right. What happened to the sweet and bashful Deku you knew, and what was with that look in his eyes? His scarred hand came up to push your [Y/H/C] locks behind your ears, drawing your attention back to him. His fingers trailed across your cheek bone, down to your jaw before squeezing both cheeks between his fingers making you look at him.

“Now, where were we, bunny? I think you were about to tell me about how you want me to touch you. Right?”

Speaking was difficult with the way he was squishing your cheeks, “I-I don’t think this is a g-good idea. Let’s just go h-home for the night.”

He sighed, a small amount of disappointment flashing across his face. “Oh honey, that’s not what I wanted to hear. Don’t you want me to touch you?” He leaned forward, lips touching the sensitive shell of you ear, “I know you’ve thought about me doing… things… to you before. I can read it on your pretty little face.”

“T-That was a long time ago. H-How are you so sure I still like you?”

A deep chuckle, “I know you still like me because you’ve been distracted since I walked in the door at your agency. Your thighs have been clenching on and off for hours and you can barely look me in the eyes. Do you need me to go on?” by the end of his explanation Deku’s lips were grazing yours. Half-lidded eyes stared at his mouth, focused on its movements.

With a sudden rush of courage, you pressed your trembling lips to his. Mouths moved together in sync. They molded together like two halves of a whole, sliding and caressing each other in a steamy dance. The tip of his tongue ran across the bottom of your lip as an invitation you gladly accepted. Your tongue gilded against his equally as eager one for a moment before you both broke away for air. A string of saliva connected your lips to his. He pressed his forehead against yours, breathing heavily into your space just as you were breathing in his.

“Bunny, you know I can’t let you leave here without giving you what you want. Legs up.”

You followed his demand, jumping to wrap your legs around his waist and arms around his neck as he pressed you against the wall. His strong hands grasped your upper thighs just under the swell of your ass. He let out a breathy groan as he squeezed your plush legs, obviously aroused by their softness and their strength. Doing a balancing act, he propped you up on the wall with one arm and his knee just long enough to flip your skirt up and move your panties to the side.

As his fingers grazed your hot core, you couldn’t help but let out a gasp. His touch was electrifying. It had been too long since someone had touched you like this and every brush and every touch causes your body to react, pussy clenching in anticipation. Your underwear were unbelievably wet considering how little Deku had actually touched you. Noticing this, a sweet smile spread across Deku’s face reaching all the way to his eyes causing them to crinkle at the corners. It was such a strange expression compared to the lust raging in his eyes. He looked pleased with your reaction and for some reason you felt happy that you could please him.

Suddenly you felt something large and hot rub against your lower lips. Looking down for a brief moment, your eyes widened from the sight. A thick and veiny cock slowly rocked along your glistening folds. When had he even gotten rid of his pants? He was much larger than you had originally assumed, but not comically massive the way most people would assume. The throbbing and prominent veins created a beautiful pathway to the tuft of green hair growing at the base and trailing upwards, disappearing under the top of his hero costume.

Deku chuckled, finding humor in the way you were staring at it and how you were analyzing every inch. His hips still rocked slowly against yours, gently nudging your clit. Just that small amount of friction caused your breath to hitch in your throat and before you knew it, you were already panting. His hand came up to cup your cheek. The pad of his thumb traced gently across your bottom lip and your tongue darted out to capture it in your mouth. Deku hissed lightly through his teeth at the way you softly sucked and nibbled on his digit, your eyes half-lidded with ecstasy. Pressing his forehead against yours he spoke, slightly strained from having held back, “Are you ready, love? I can’t wait any longer. You’ll let me fuck you, right? Oh baby, I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Yore core clenched at his words, soundlessly nodding your head, releasing his thumb. “Please…” You sounded so desperate, so needy. This was a new feeling for you, arousal in its most primal form. All you knew was that you didn’t want him to stop no matter how exposed you both were and no matter how needy you sounded. In this moment, you’d let him do anything to you.

With your confirmation, he slowly began pushing his length into you. A groan left both of your lips at the same time. Inch after inch disappeared inside you and with every movement of his hips came a sound of pleasure from your lips. By the time his pelvis met yours, you were both covered in a thin layer of sweat. HIs from effort and restraint, yours from the heat of arousal.

“Fuuuck… You’re so tight, bunny. So tight for me… I have to move, love. You’re driving me mad…” His hips then withdrew from yours in a smooth and slow motion before pushing back into you a little faster than before.

“I-Izuku!” You called out, voice echoing through the empty warehouse.

“That’s right, moan my name, baby!”

He began to pick up speed, using your position against the wall to push you up and then drop you back down on his cock. He felt so big inside you, filling you up and making sure to hit all the right spots even ones you didn’t know existed. You felt you eyes begin to roll back as he kept pistoning in and out of you at a brutal pace. Hands quickly found the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling on the green strands.  It was all too much for you to handle and you could already feel the knot inside you tightening. Moans after moans were spilling from your mouth, almost incoherent in your lust-filled daze.

Deku could feel you getting tighter as he pounded into your sopping cunt. Your juices coated his cock along with your thighs. He’d never had anyone so aroused by him and he loved every second of it. Sweat dripped off of his brow and ran down his neck before disappearing behind the collar of his shirt. Your arms slipped from his neck and gripped his shoulders hard, nails leaving red crescents on his pale skin even through the fabric of his costume. The knot in your abdomen tightened even more as he rested his head on your shoulder and moaned deeply into your neck. His lips sloppily placed kisses up and down the column of your throat, tongue flicking out to taste your skin. It wasn’t long before his kisses turned to nibbles which turned to bites hard enough to leave bruises. But you weren’t complaining, if anything it only made you more turned on. Your hands threaded through his hair once more as you could feel yourself getting closer. You knew he was getting there too due to how sloppy his thrusts were becoming. He quickly looked up at you.

“You better look me in the eyes when you cum, okay? I want to see just how I make you feel. Show me that pretty face, love.”

You made eye contact with him. It was deep and sensual and way too intimate for you to handle in your current state. You remember how you felt every time you caught his eyes on you in class or training. You remember how they made you feel so exposed to him, and now that you really were exposed, it was like he could see your every want and need and he was determined to be the one to fulfill them. After a few more thrusts of his hips you could feel yourself unraveling. Stars danced in the corners of your vision as you reached your climax, body jerking against his and cunt quivering. He could feel your walls squeezing him, milking his cock and begging for his seed. Just as you were beginning to come down from your high, Deku’s hips stuttered. His hot cum painted your walls as he cursed deeply, filling you to the brim and then some.

Both of you were breathing heavily, still connected and embracing as the euphoric sensation stopped buzzing through your veins. His eyes were still searching yours, glazed over with want. Slowly he slid his softening member from your core and sat you down on your feet. You felt sore but so satisfied. Your thighs quaked from having to support your own weight again and small rivulets of mixed juices ran from your pussy and coated your thighs. You were truly exhausted.

Deku got himself dressed and situated before helping you get everything straightened out. He pulled you to his chest, lips pressing into your forehead quickly before he spoke.

“Let’s get you home, bunny. My place isn’t far from here.”

* * * * * * *

As you left the next morning after a shower and homemade breakfast, along with a promise for a real date soon, you sent a text you Uraraka with a simple message: You were right.

[ethelphantom]

The Greatest Miracle

This fandom does not have enough BartAdrien content like, seriously. They're the cutest thing to ever exist. Two sunshine children. Please love them. Please love my greatest creation. Anyway, have some cuteness and fluff and (possible? I have no idea if it is funny) humour for a change! Maribat March day 22, rare pair

Ao3

This is Maribat -- Don’t like; Don’t read

____________________________

“Please don’t.”

“Oh, Adrien. I totally will.”

❋❋❋

“Hey, Bart, give my tablet back! I need it for my speech!”

“Nooopppe! I may not be able to open it but I know what kind of things there are! Kon, catch!”

“Thanks, Bart. Have fun. You forgot I’m also doing the speech. You literally asked me to.”

“Dang it.”

❋❋❋

Marinette snorted as Adrien took one look at her before burying his face in his hands as she stood up, Tim and Conner following suit. She grabbed the microphone from the stand nearby and blew a kiss at Adrien, winking.

“Good afternoon everyone! It’s a beautiful day, even more beautiful than Adrien’s hair, and we all know how beautiful his hair is, soooo… Anyway, before I actually get to any important part, I need to say that I asked Adrien if there was anything that I shouldn’t say in any case, and well. He didn’t say anything in particular, I swear. To everyone else, I’m sorry if this makes your idea of Adrien’s supposed put-togetherness just vanish in front of your eyes. I can promise you, it never existed in the first place.

“I can’t believe this day actually came, seeing Adrien get married to someone,” Marinette said, smiling when she heard the quiet “rude much?” coming from Adrien’s direction. “Oh yeah. In case some of you didn’t know, I’m Marinette, Adrien’s best friend, though I’m pretty sure the only ones who don’t know that are from Bart’s side as Adrien has somehow managed to introduce me to his entire family, all of his few friends — and Adrien, before you say anything, you met most of your friends through me, don’t try — and we went to the same school so there’s that as well. Honestly, I think he’s even dragged me to a few family reunions during the years.”

There was laughter in the crowd but it quieted down as soon as Marinette began talking again.

“Adrien and I have gone through thick and thin. There have been liars, bullies, gold-diggers, over-eager wannabe journalists… Well, we’ve probably seen anything you can imagine. We’re siblings in all but blood, rather literally. My parents even adopted him after Gabitch — I mean, Gabriel, all parents of little children, you did not hear that, and neither did you, Bart, Wally and Dick, but like seriously, if there's anyone that deserves to be called out for being a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad father in a wedding, it's that man —, was arrested. It was easier since that meant he wouldn’t need to transfer schools.”

Marinette tilted her head and bit the inside of her cheek. “Wait a second. Tim, dear, did you have the tablet connected to the projector already? I want the photos, like, five minutes ago.”

Tim laughed at her. “Cuppie, you started the speech less than three minutes ago. But yeah, it’s connected.”

“Shush, you. Thanks! I’ll say when I want the pictures. Anyway. I met Adrien when we were like, 13, and it really didn’t start great. I hated him at first. Like, honest to God hated him. You can imagine how the rest of the day went. Somehow, he cleared the idea I had of him within a few hours though, so we became friends. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had, always been there for me through everything.

“I don’t think I’ve got too much time to speak even though I’d absolutely love to do that for the rest of the day because Adrien’s gonna murder me if I try, so I’ll just tell you one of my favourite things with him. Who everyone knew him on some level when he was 17?”

Maybe a quarter of the room raised their hands.

“Great. How many of you noticed he had a crush then?”

Less than half of those people raised their hands, though rather hesitant.

“Fine, Adrien, you win, but that just means they didn’t spend enough time with you. Anyway. He had a crush on our dear Bart over here though he kept denying it for ages. Tim, the pictures, please? Because I’ve got a compilation of how he looked like when I felt like pointing the fact out to him and after I had actually informed him of his crush. I have no idea how he didn’t realise it right away.”

There were pictures of clearly lovesick Adrien, looking at something (a lot of the time it seemed to be his phone) the same way he had looked at Bart only some time earlier.

Someone in the crowd yelled “he was so whipped oh my god, did he really not realise?” when they got to the fifth photo.

Adrien had hidden his face in Bart’s hair.

He was lucky Bart’s hair was like it was.

Bart, though, he was laughing.

“Yeah, yeah he was, and me neither. He literally had a gay panic after he met Bart for the first time — trust me when I say that he was royally screwed already from day one. And yet. Yet. Considering Adrien had known me for only a day or two when he decided he was in love with me when we were like 13 and actually declared this in front of a whole bunch of people, it’s so funny how it took him actual months to admit he was actually in love with Bart. Fun fact, the three of us—” Marinette pointed at herself and then at Tim and Kon on her left, “still have a group chat full of plans to get those two together because they were so oblivious, especially Adrien, and also idiots. God, do I love them, but I swear they caused me more grey hair than the wild kid I babysat as a teenager ever did.”

Tim snatched the microphone from Marinette’s hands, pecking her cheek quickly. Marinette stuck her tongue out at him but didn’t complain about the interruption. It wasn’t like she had anything important left to say anyway. For now.

“Yes, listen to my beautiful and wonderful wife over here. They were so frustrating, always talking about the other like they had hung the moon and the stars on the night sky but neither realised they liked the other until it was pointed out to them. Well. According to Mari, it took until Kon and I got Bart to realise he liked Adrien, which eventually led to him confessing, that Adrien recognised his own feelings. It’s ridiculous, but oh so amusing to tell now.

“So, hello everyone, I’m Tim, one of Bart’s best friends — the other is over there being a loser. I met Bart through Dick and Wally maybe half a year after Bruce started watching over me because my parents were never there, so we must have been seven or eight. I had troubles with befriending other people back then—”

“You still do, Tim.”

“Mari, this is my speech, yours ended already.”

“Yeah, because you stole the mic.”

“Technicalities, technicalities. Anyhow, I had trouble with getting friends around that time, but it was somehow easy to befriend Bart. He was so open, friendly, positive, full of light and determined to befriend you that it was actually impossible to avoid it. After I befriended him, though, I noticed I started getting other friends as well because he made it easier. That’s actually also how I met Mari, the love of my life and my wife, which has me forever thankful to Bart, but that’s a story for another time. Right now, I’m here to tell you how great Bart is and also make fun of him, because isn’t that what best friends are for.

“So, like Mari already said, we had a group chat just because of those two. Favourite ship ever. Not gonna lie, we all shipped them together since the moment we realised how well they would fit together and the only reason today didn’t happen sooner is because this guy here—” Tim pointed at Adrien, “—refused to admit he liked Bart and scoffed every time we tried to suggest it. Yet, every time he made a terrible pun, and we all know he makes a lot of those, it was Bart he looked at first to see if it made him laugh. Always. Not his best friend, Mari. It was Bart.”

That was when Tim lost the microphone — Kon had walked up to them, now behind Tim, and just took it out of his hands. Tim tilted his head backwards and frowned at Kon.

“And Bart. Bart laughed every. Single. Time. Like, regardless of how horrible the pun was that time, and how it should have not made anyone laugh, Bart laughed because he knew it made Adrien smile, and happy Adrien equalled happy Bart equalled happy Adrien. This is why it was so strange they didn’t realise, and this is why them dancing around one another drove me up the wall. Tim and Mari too, I suppose. By the way. Here’s a list of pictures and videos where the aforementioned situation is shown multiple times so that you’ll understand what I mean.”

The (seemingly endless, if Adrien’s mortification was anything to go by) videos and pictures were projected onto a big screen and it seemed that no matter what Adrien thought, everyone else thought them adorable and heart-warming. Everyone. Especially Bart, who had not been aware of said pictures or videos’ existence and was now beaming and nearly jumping up and down in his seat. Marinette could almost swear he was vibrating.

Once they were done showing them, and the roomful of people had stopped cooing at Adrien like he was still that starry-eyed, adorable, baby-faced fool so very in love with Bart (he was), Kon brought the microphone to his lips again. “So yeah. We all had to suffer. And because of that, now you two had to suffer a little too,” he said, snorting.

Shaking his head fondly at the newlywed couple, he smiled. “You know, I have known Bart for nearly my entire life, and I never thought there would come a day I would meet anyone that was as much of a sunshine child as he was. Then we met Adrien.”

Tim nodded in the background, clearly agreeing. Marinette hummed. Kon handed her the microphone as she tapped her foot against the floor with her heel. “Yeah, same here, though the other way around — I thought there couldn’t be anyone I’d call sunshine incarnate other than Adrien, and then there I was, face to face with Bart who I swear glowed when I met him for the first time.”

Marinette sighed, smiled, and walked to Adrien and Bart. “So, Adrien, Bart, I am so immensely proud of you two. I can’t help but be happy whenever I think about you both overcoming so much and deciding to dedicate yourselves to one another and believe me when I say, I am so glad I got to witness you exchanging vows today. I wish all the best for you, as do those two dorks, and remember that we’re all going to be there for you both. You have two souls but a single thought, and two hearts that beat as one. This is the day that now belongs to one of the most beautiful things I have seen in my life and I could not be happier to have gotten to see it happen.” She raised her glass. “A toast to these two fools and to their union! May you always be satisfied!”

Marinette returned to her seat next to Tim and rested her head against his shoulder as he ran his fingers through her hair.

“I’m happy for them,” Marinette whispered, watching as Adrien danced with Bart, leading him, before Bart grabbed Adrien and picked him up before running around the room, presenting him like the greatest miracle ever granted for the humankind to everyone. Marinette squeezed Tim’s hand, smiling at their best friends.

“Same, Cuppie. Same here.”

_____________________________________

@kris-pines04​ @thethirdwheelfriend​ @maribat-is-lifeblood​ @abrx2002​ @persephonebutkore​ @rebecarojas07​ @corabeth11​ @kadmeread @silverwhiteraven​ @freshbark @maribat-march2020 @catsandfanfic @fertileleaf @eat0crow @cutechip

[tisfan]

I Hear You Call My Name

Title: I Hear You Call My Name Written by: @tisfan (3023) Square: S1 Kink: Sex Magic Rating: explicit Pairing: IronStrange Triggers/warnings: barebacking Tags: anal sex, oral sex, sex magic, plot what plot Created for: @tonystarkbingo Word count: 2,240 Link https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204078

Summary: Stephen needs a little extra oomph for a spell. Tony really needs to get laid more than once every two months...

 “You know, when I said I was willing to help you with a magical experiment, taking a bath in some sort of herbal sauce wasn’t what I had in mind,” Tony complained. The water was tepid, the herbs were smelly, and he was naked and up to his nipples in Stephen’s tub. It was a nice tub, when the water was warm. And preferably when Stephen was in it with him.

“You need to be purified,” Stephen said again, dropping another few flowers into the water and murmuring words. Sparks of light glittered down from his fingers, limning the petals and then fizzing out with another spell.

“That might take quite a while,” Tony pointed out. “Do you have to do this, too?”

“I already did,” Stephen said. Well, that explained the floral hug hello, at least. 

“When?” Because this had taken an hour already and Tony was cold and uncomfortable. And Stephen had called to ask for help and Tony was locked in a heavily perfumed embrace within ten minutes.

“I cheat,” Stephen reminded him, tapping the Eye with one long, shaky finger. “I can get all my prepwork done in only a few seconds.”

“So why aren’t you doing that for me?”

“Who says I’m not?”

“Oh. Are we almost done?”

“Just a moment,” Stephen said, then he knelt by the tub. He put one hand in the water and murmured another spell.

By the time he’d finished speaking, the water was to the point of just a little uncomfortably warm, the steam fragrant as it rose off the surface. 

“Kiss me,” Stephen told him.

“You sure, because I have some really impure thoughts--” 

Stephen’s mouth came down on his, gentle, but insistent. His lips were soft, firm, and he parted Tony’s without so much as a by your leave. Which Tony would have given him anyway. He always liked kissing Stephen. Lips moved over his, Stephen’s tongue slipped inside, and Tony moaned eagerly, pushing up and into it, his arms going around Stephen’s neck.

He could almost hear the Cloak’s offended sigh as it slithered off Stephen’s back and fanned itself out, trying to get rid of the water from the bath.

He was smiling too hard to kiss back after that.

“Are you ready?”

“You still haven’t explained what we’re doing,” Tony said. But he let Stephen give him a hand out of the tub, and a towel to dry off with. The room was warm enough, and Stephen didn’t seem to have brought in a robe. Nudity was the choice of the day, Tony supposed.

“Nuptive prayer,” Stephen told him and drew him into the bedroom. Stephen’s rooms in the Sanctuary were laid out in a circle. Bedroom to bath, bath to sacred space, sacred space to living room, living room to bedroom. Tony had supposed they’d go the other way.

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Sex magic,” Stephen said. “I need-- I’m experimenting with soul-sexive energies to power certain abilities.”

“You what?”

“I need a double orgasm to power a spell, Tony,” Stephen said. “From someone, and I quote capable of intense mental, volitional and affectional energy, combined with perfect sexive and orgasmal ability.”

“And you thought of me, I’m flattered,” Tony teased.

“Well, truth, you do have one flaw that might make it difficult,” Stephen said, and he started to disrobe. “Once I light the candle and we begin, you cannot talk. And we must achieve orgasm within forty-nine seconds of each other.”

“That’s gonna be tricky without some sort of communication. Also, I hope moaning is allowed, because really, I’m not cut out for the quiet sex thing. I’m a screamer.”

“I know. Wong knows it. Hell, half the initiates know it,” Stephen said, and Tony felt his cheeks heat, just a little. He wasn’t ashamed, but-- well, it did explain the looks he’d gotten from Wong from time to time.

“You’re hilarious,” Tony told him.

“Yes, darling, I know,” Stephen said. “But we can communicate. When you get close, open and close your right hand.” he demonstrated, opening his fingers, crooked and scarred and shaking, and then making a fist, and opening it again. “If I cover your hand with mine, hold off until I let you go again. We will meet there.”

“What if we miss?” Because he’d been around for a few of Stephen’s failed magic spell attempts and they were often explosive, sometimes involved angry demons, and nothing he really wanted to face while naked and mid-coitus.

“Don’t miss,” Stephen said. “But if we do, we merely have to wait a period of time and try again.”

“Wait?” He peered at Stephen suspiciously. 

“Forty-nine days. Until we can try again. Until we can have sex again.”

“At all?” Tony’s voice spiraled up. The hell he was going to wait almost two months to have sex. He hadn’t been celibate-- 

“Not even masturbation,” Stephen said. He tugged off his shirt and kicked aside his trousers.

“You’re shitting me.”

“I’m not,” Stephen said. “Don’t miss.”

“Yeah, okay, are you-- are you sure you want to do this? I might mess it up,” Tony stammered. 

“I’m not going to ask someone else to help me with it,” Stephen said. “I require the necessary energy requirements.”

“Where’s the energy going?”

“Into the candle,” Stephen said. “I’ll explain the rest of it later, when we’ve achieved the double crises.”

Tony almost protested, but then decided it wasn’t going to make any more sense if he thought about it. Magic, by nature, didn’t.

Mostly.

Sometimes.

And Stephen’s hands were on him, anyway, stroking his skin. It didn’t take long to send his pulse racing, his body craving. “Was there… saffron in that herb mix,” Tony wondered, because Stephen had used it before, to increase libido.

“And fenugreek and red ginseng, and a little maca root,” Stephen said. “I’m not leaving anything to chance. For my benefit as well as yours. We’re neither of us young.”

“Speak for yourself,” Tony said. “You’re the one with grey hair.” Tony ran his fingers through it, the lines of silver at Stephen’s temples. He liked it, actually. It was sexy.

“I know.” Stephen pushed him down onto the bed. “Now… no talking.” With a flick of his finger, he lit the candle.

Tony almost said something immediately, because, well, it was Tony and he’d never been one to do things the easy way. 

But Stephen was already touching him, light, shaky fingers stroking Tony’s skin. He nudged Tony over onto the bed, picking up a bottle of lube -- sometimes Tony wondered why Stephen didn’t just magic it up, and then decided he wanted to ask that question, but later -- and raised an eyebrow. 

Going right for the goods, are we, Tony thought really loud. Stephen probably couldn’t hear him, but supposed the expression on his face would get the point across. 

Stephen rolled his eyes a little, then tapped his wrist. Tick tock, tick tock.

Tony gave a shrug, leaning back on his elbows and spreading his thighs. He knew he made a pretty picture, even without the warm, admiring look that came over Stephen’s face. Good looks were mostly a matter of good genes and ridiculous amounts of skincare. But it was nice to have all that work appreciated.

Stephen crawled on the bed after him, cradled himself in the vee of Tony’s knees, and lowered his mouth for a kiss.

Tony was happy to give them, even if he couldn’t quite stop smiling enough to kiss seriously. Stephen was often too grave, too serious, and it was one of Tony’s favorite things to do was get him to laugh when he was trying to be Great and Mighty Wizard.

The smile disappeared in an open-mouthed, silent gasp as Stephen cupped Tony’s cock, hand warm and fingers making a loose circle. Stephen knew all the tricks to get Tony wriggling and pushing up against that hand. The way Tony liked to be stroked, the twist at the top, the squeeze at the base. As soon as Tony’s hips moved, Stephen pushed Tony’s knees further apart, slithered down his body and took the head of Tony’s cock into his mouth with a single, eager movement.

His tongue lapped along the broad head, and Tony had to bite his lip to keep from swearing. How the hell was he supposed to be quiet, not tell Stephen how good this was, how amazing, how--

Tony rocked up into that soft, heated wetness, feeling Stephen’s tongue on him like a lash, swirling one way, then the other, drawing his length in.

Tony reached a hand down and touched Stephen’s cheek, feeling the way his own cock bulged in Stephen’s mouth, the way it pushed obscenely at the jaw.

God, that was hot.

Stephen didn’t -- pardon the pun -- dick around. He was going straight for the kill, sucking Tony back like a pro. He dropped one hand between his own legs, tugging himself off, and Tony leaned up on his elbows to watch. He couldn’t really see very well, but he got the idea, and Stephen’s mouth on him, combined with an active, healthy imagination--

And probably the herbs that Stephen was plying him with…

Well, Tony never really did have a huge problem with going from zero to sixty in any sort of manner.

It wasn’t long before he was closing his fist, and then opening it again.

Stephen popped off Tony’s cock with a wet slurp, gave him a sweet, knowing grin. Took Tony’s hand and drew it down Stephen’s body.

Well, Tony had played that game before, so he found the lube -- they were going to need it soon anyway, he might as well get started -- and slicked his boyfriend up, stroking him with steady, easy rhythms, watching as Stephen’s eyes glazed a little, as his jaw clenched and let go.

Perfect. You are so beautiful.

Stephen arched into it, all but shoving his cock against Tony’s hand, fucking up into that tight, slick grasp.

Tony knew Stephen probably as well as Stephen knew him. Knew the way that Stephen’s breath hitched and held when he was getting close.

Tony was tempted, briefly, to make Stephen work for it, but he also didn’t want to test Stephen’s resolve about not getting laid for almost two months, either.  When he sensed Stephen was getting close, he drew back.

Stephen backed off a little and Tony flipped over, grabbing the pillows to prop himself up. Doggie style wasn’t his preferred -- Tony liked to be able to look at Stephen’s face when they made love. Riding, or face to face, but he had to admit, for sheer ability to come quickly, doggie style was easiest.

One hand on Tony’s hip, Stephen lubed him up, and then himself, hissing air between his teeth as he was already oversensitive.

The head of Stephen’s cock nudged at his entrance, and then it was burn and press and squeeze.

Tony let himself bend more in the middle until his chin was buried in pillows, until he was biting at his thumb, and--

Oh, god, there...

He couldn’t talk, and it was making everything that much more intense, that much more powerful, that much-- both better and worse, because he was having to think about keeping his mouth shut, and then the rhythm would get to him, he’d sink back onto Stephen’s cock, feel the way he was stretched and filled, and, oh, oh, god.

He clenched his fist, opened his hand again, soon, oh, Stephen, come on….

Stephen’s hand came down on his, palm against the back of Tony’s knuckles. Tony nodded, reached back with his left hand, face all but planted in the pillow and tugged his cock like it was a race.

And it was, because Stephen’s steady rhythm was dissolving into excited bucking, their thighs slapping together like applause and it was so, so good, he was--

Tony spilled over, emptying himself onto the bedsheets with a breath that was not quite a moan, clenching down, and then Stephen stiffened behind him-- rhythm faltering into stillness.

Sometimes Tony couldn’t feel it, when Stephen came. He could tell, because Stephen jerked and groaned, but Tony couldn’t usually feel the actual moment of release. 

This time was different, somehow. He felt Stephen’s spend, like a gush of heat and wet, and--

The candle flickered out.

Tony lifted his head, wanting to ask and not knowing if he was allowed to talk yet.

“That was supposed to happen,” Stephen said, softly, then ran his hand down Tony’s trembling, sweat-damp thigh. “That was just right. Perfect, even.”

“Did it work?” Tony wondered, his voice a little strained. Not, he told himself, because he was dreading the no sex for two months, but because he was honestly interested in his boyfriend’s magical studies.

“I think it did,” Stephen said, and he pulled out.

Ew. Tony’s thighs were almost instantly wet. It was the one thing about condoms that he liked. No mess. But sex magic; well, he imagined that it had to be done bareback. Probably some hokey voodoo shit. He’d ask Stephen about it.

Later.

“Good.” He let himself move a little to the side -- he hated laying in the wet spot, and flopped. “I’m not moving. For like, a week.”

Stephen snuggled up behind him, resting his chin on Tony’s shoulder. “Now, you getting more than six hours sleep? That’d be a real magic trick.” 

[bigfan-fanfic]

Batdad and Sons (Batdad!Reader x Batfamily Headcanons)

Bruce

Despite both being men, you two remind Gotham of Thomas and Martha Wayne.

Because one of you is a gentle ray of sunshine who is deeply involved in charity work and seems utterly committed to making the world brighter.

Thomas was rather hands-off towards Wayne Enterprises, preferring instead to focus on his medical career and charities that actually affected change for the underprivileged in Gotham. Bruce remembers Thomas always having time for him, stopping everything if Bruce needed to talk with his father.

And the other is a strong, ruthless businessperson with style, grace, and sensuality, who can somehow manage a dizzying array of businesses while still being the ideal spouse and parent in the public eye.

Martha was the head of Wayne Enterprises and an involved boss - she personally saw to the upkeep of each branch of the company (she was the one to hire Lucius Fox). And even with all of these heavy demands on her time, she always appeared in public with Thomas at all of his charities and was involved enough with Bruce to help Thomas plan every family outing.

So, yeah, up to you which one the public thinks you are

Bruce has a constantly-updating social media presence that is run by the Batcomputer’s AI - it keeps tabs on where he is fighting crime and discreetly has Bruce’s account post things about being on the other side of the city

Bruce will occasionally post a romantic photo of you two

You run your own social media account - the Batcomputer automatically reblogs/retweets/likes whatever you post.

You have a lot of cute pictures of the family which the public goes bananas for.

Bruce is a Slytherin. He no longer visits the Pottermore site.

You find yourself making puns a lot while the family is on patrol.

Example: Mr. Freeze has just been defeated by the team.

YOU: Alright, time to put him on ice!

Bruce tends to groan at these because you have a tendency to interject them at inappropriate times. Once you got him to giggle in front of Selina because whenever she talked you just matched her tone but only said “meow”

“Meow meow meow, meow-meow meow meow-meow-meow meow. Meow.”

You do end up kidnapped a lot, as an important Gothamite public figure, and Bruce is generally quite impressed when you escape, because you can either talk an adversary to distraction, or use trickery to escape, or -most impressive - you once convinced a member of the Penguin’s gang to reconsider his life choices and let you go.

Once he got out of jail, Armand became your go-to party planner.

He also now helps Penguin with legitimate events at the Iceberg Lounge. Go figure.

Alfred

The two of you are avid devotees of “The Great British Baking Show”

Alfred never has a soggy bottom.

Dick spends the most time hanging out while you two make stuff, so he’s into it as well

Jason pretends not to be interested, but he’ll still tell you when bread is overworked.

Alfred is so full of wisdom and advice

And he is not afraid to get physical when needs must

Riddler once broke into Wayne Manor

The two of you basically dismantled him using Alfred’s combat medicine training and your own knowledge from working with him

Riddler had several broken bones, severe lacerations, and a mild concussion when he was wheeled to Arkham Asylum’s medical ward

“Y/N Wayne and Butler - BATMAN AND ROBIN????” said the tabloids the next day. Dick couldn’t stop laughing.

Alfred enjoys opera while cooking and baking, but isn’t averse to classic rock.

He also enjoys Beyonce.

You insist on Alfred having a regular day off, but he insists that he doesn’t need one.

“Please, Alfred. For me.”

*sighs* “...Very well, Master Y/N.”

Ravenclaw. He’s a Ravenclaw, definitely.

Dick

You two know all the choreography to “We’re All In This Together.”

And all the songs from the High School Musical series

Since he was little, you took him to every premiere of every Disney movie he wanted to see, press be damned if they made snide remarks about your son wanting to see a princess movie

This tradition has not stopped. Dick’s social media shows pictures of you two still going to every premiere - only now the two of you bring underprivileged children and kids from the orphanage to share in your fun

There’s a picture of you looking very Zen and sitting cross-legged on the red carpet as a bunch of kids swarm around you and one somehow has ended up on your shoulders. Behind you Dick can be seen wearing Mickey Mouse gloves and grinning wildly at the camera, kneeling with his arms around the shoulders of two young orphans

You personally don’t like clowns and trapeze scares you to death, but you never deny Dick when he asks you to go to the circus.

You once bought Haly’s Circus back from the people Mr. Haly had to sell to and gave ownership to Dick. So, technically, the two of you co-own Haly’s Circus now.

Dick once auditioned for Disney Channel (unbeknownst to Bruce). He still can’t quite bring himself to watch Wizards of Waverly Place, knowing that he almost had a role.

Speaking of Wizards, Dick thinks of himself as a Gryffindor - but he was sorted into Ravenclaw.

Jason

Jason gets really emotional over romance - whether it be real or in a movie or a book

He will never forgive Mr. Wickham for what he did

You have had to talk him down from chewing out people who think Catherine and Heathcliff are an ideal couple

And of course, he has shot his television at that one scene in every romantic comedy where things go wrong just before the two leads get together.

A Gryffindor.

Has a sleeveless shirt that asks if you’ve bought tickets to the gun show. Since he has an extensive gun collection, the irony is somewhat lost.

Doesn’t like to be questioned. Likes to question. You bridge the gap using sarcasm, mainly.

He is a superhero movie fanatic. However, he hates it when the love interest dies.

He does smoke, but he knows better than to do that around you. Roy always snitches on him

Roy is very intimidated by you, for some reason

More intimidated than by Jason, that’s for sure.

Maybe because you’ve made Ollie cry before (long story involving too many bottles of tequila, Oliver asking if he was your type, and you responding)

He tends to listen to you when he won’t listen to anyone else

You’ve proven that you don’t put up with much when it comes to him

“I’m gonna shoot this guy right now-”

“Jason you sit your butt down right now!”

“...yessir.”

Tim

Slytherin.

Sleepy. Too sleepy to do much.

Can be found sleeping in the weirdest places. Once he was asleep on top of the wardrobe in Dick’s room, and had no clue how he got there.

You have since insisted that he maintain a strict sleeping schedule.

Unfortunately, you are ignored.

You once gave him glasses that had pictures of his opened eyes instead of lenses as a gag gift. He uses them daily.

Tim likes to watch Jackie Chan martial arts movies. Or the Office. Or Friends. Depends on how many hours he’s been awake.

Tim is always listening to music - anything with a beat.

It helps him stay awake. The longer he stays awake, the louder his music gets. 

Tim does not like ice cream - on family outings, he gets sherbert.

He’s very picky. You spent five days picking out the color of the sheets in his room because the current combination “bummed him out.”

He forgets that you aren’t supposed to draw on walls and uses his room’s walls as a piece of scratch paper.

You make him clean it himself.

This was unwise. He leaves it as is until there’s no more room.

Has an addiction to online gaming. He doesn’t know it, but you are his biggest rival online.

Because he always tells you “just one more round” or “until I lose”

So two hours later, when he still hasn’t logged off, you log on and grief him until he rage quits.

Then you console him as he complains to you, and you suggest he take a break from the game for a while.

You wonder sometimes if this can be classified as emotional torture.

It’s for his own good, honestly.

Damian

Hufflepuff and proud of it

As I mentioned, he is a startlingly good performer.

Has secret aspirations of being on Broadway - either in the Hamilton revival he’s planning for twenty years in the future or perhaps in something by Sondheim

His artistry continues into other realms

He writes fanfiction. This is not a drill.

To your eternal embarrassment and silence, you have become an avid reader of his work. (You created a fake account just to reblog and comment your support. Damian is unaware of this)

If you decide to send him to school (Gotham Academy or wherever), he gets into a lot of fights.

Mostly in defense of others, but also the occasional “he looked at me funny” or “said something about my parents”

I’d recommend home-schooling or online school for Damian. It fits better with his schedule so that his sleep cycle isn’t completely thrown off, and it keeps him away from the little creeps running wild in Gotham (there’s a statistic floating around that 80% of the Joker Gang is under 18, and it isn’t completely inaccurate).

He is a history buff, particularly when it comes to battles and battle tactics.

He knows battle strategy back to front

And yet he struggles with Checkers, and for some reason, Monopoly.

Damian was not given a middle name, so whenever you want to middle-name him, you make up some absurd placeholder.

“Damian Fingercrumpet Wayne, get down from the chandelier!”

“So help me, Damian Stipplenibbler Wayne, I will take away your zoo membership!

“Damian Montague Sasparilla Carthaginian Wayne, I want to talk to you right now!

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Hickory Dick-ory Dock (baon)

Summary: A prequel to the series, a glimpse at how Sans and Red's relationship got started.

Tags:  Kustard, Angst, Ecto-Genitalia, Sex, Antagonism, Brats to Lovers, Lemony Goodness

Notes:  Okay, this is the last kustard one, I swear, Edge and Stretch just needed a little break after everything that happened. Besides, with all this Sans and Red stuff coming up, I thought it might be interesting to see how they started out. 

It's swell! Watch out for that lemony goodness!

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

It was either too early or way too fucking late to be awake, and Sans’s body hadn’t decided on which one yet. The only chair in the room was as shitty as the rest of the furniture, stiff-backed and with the kinds of stains it didn’t pay to think too deeply about. Not really worth sitting in except for those moments where someone shouldn’t be having a cigarette but still was. Supposed to be no smoking anywhere indoors, but in a motel that prided itself on a cash-only, Sans didn’t think anyone would be chasing them down for a cleaning fee.

Of the two vending machines by the elderly ice maker, only one of them worked and it reluctantly parted with a can of Pepsi for the rip-off price of two bucks. Not even an honest swindle, it was piss-warm and unsatisfying, even for someone without a proper throat.

The tiny bottle of whiskey he’d nabbed earlier on the plane was of a decent sort, though, helped smooth the path down, and by their powers combined, it was teetering on the edge of acceptable. Not like they were going to be here for long, anyway. Sulking about it would be petty waste of precious little time.

“you gonna offer me some of that or keep it for your private party?”

Sans glanced at the bed, but Red didn’t bother opening his sockets, still sprawled out in the wreck of the sagging mattress. A corner of the sheet was draped over his pelvis in a parody of modesty and the colorful splatter on his femurs made Sans idly think of the modern art at the museum Blue dragged all of them to a few weeks back.

Sans took a deliberate sip from the can, then a drag from the cigarette, holding in the smoke long enough for it to start seeping from his sockets before he exhaled it. “dunno, haven’t decided. maybe i like a solo act better.”

That got him a single socket opened, a thin rim of crimson showing. “yeah? was getting the idea earlier you preferred a duet. i spent the better part of an hour sucking you off, and this is the thanks i get?”

“isn’t it supposed to be the thought that counts when it comes to gifts?”

“uh huh, and what i’m thinking is it should be your turn to make your way downtown,” Red shifted, drawing his knees up and letting them fall to either side. The tangle of the sheet gave tantalizing glimpses of pelvis and the beginnings of a swirl of magic within it. “c’mere, little boy blue, come blow my horn.”

Sans snorted and crushed out the cigarette on the scarred old desk, leaving a blackened mark that matched a dozen others. “like i’ve never heard that before.”

“i know you haven’t,” Red gave him a sly, sulking look and rolled to his side, giving Sans his back, and yeah, he got the unspoken insult there. “you’ve never fucked anyone with my crushing wit.”

“mother goose ain’t exactly phd material and you might be crushing, but i’m the one pounding tonight.”

Sans hopped down from the chair and snagged the can, carrying it with him to the bed. He sat on the side of the mattress, trailing an idly finger down the intricate curves of Red’s spine. That was worth a faint sigh, exhaled through a jagged-tooth smile. Fondling the sensitive cartilage between each vertebra was better, Red arching into the touch with a hissed groan, undulating between that generously stroking hand and the stained sheets.

It added to the novelty of the occasion, could tack that sight right in with all the other scenery Sans never expected to see. Lovely bones, gleaming palely in the neon light creeping in through the slatted blinds covering the windows. The scars littering Red’s bones were predicable, but discovering the slimness of them beneath that ever-present jacket wasn’t, smaller even than Sans, all bulked up and hidden beneath heavy layers.

None of that made Red any less dangerous, but then, that was part of the fun, now wasn’t it.

His hand got lazy while Sans was taking in the sights and Red made a complaining sort of sound, rolling onto his back and stretching. The sheet, already doing a poor job at an attempt at modesty gave up even that, sliding completely loose. That left nothing covering Red but the remnants of come, still tacky yet, smearing as Red ran a pin-sharp fingertip up the inside of his femur. Sans watched, rapt, as red and blue mingled, sullied into purple.

“give me that.”

For a split second, Sans lurched obediently forward, ready to crawl between those femurs. Then he saw that wickedly sharp smirk curling up and noticed Red was reaching out towards the can that was starting to crumple in Sans’s too-tight grip.

It didn’t pay well to show Red any weakness and Sans swallowed down his flusterment, handing it over. Watched as Red tipped it back and swallowed down half the can in a single gulp. There was probably a pun to be made there, getting hit hard with a soft drink, but instead he only watched, tried not to think of what his eye lights were revealing as he stared at Red licking his teeth, the tips tinging to crimson as he nicked his own tongue against them.

“you gonna come down here or just enjoy the show?”

“i was about to leave,” Sans said, slowly. Like it wasn’t a lie and he wasn’t sitting here without even his shorts on. “paps will be wondering where i am.”

All the ambassadors were tucked away in their own five-star hotel, none of them suspecting their head of security and his second had skulked off, leaving them with the rest of the bodyguards. They were safe as houses, had to be or Red never would’ve been coaxed off, but Paps might come to his room, might ask for a bedtime story or just a chat.

“yeah, can’t let your little brother know you’re sneaking out to fuck around with me, now can you?” Poisonously sweet and okay, Red could, and did, get away with murder all the fucking time, but Sans wasn’t gonna let that slide.

“that how you want to play it?” Sans let a smirk of his own work its way loose. Like this lovely secrecy was for his benefit? “oh, miss mary, quite contrary, you want me to call him? i can give him the room number, see if he wants to stop in and verify. probably some paperwork that needs done, ain’t there, the bossman fucking his subordinate, bet he’d volunteer to help, he likes filling out forms.”

“you’d need form 109b, you’re the one who fucked me,” Red’s eye lights glittered with unnamed emotion. “hoping i’ll call you on that?”

“go ahead, if you think i’m joking, i could use a few chuckles."

“bet you could. i’m all about the jokes, but 3 am is a tough crowd.”

Sans ran his tongue along the even line of his teeth, considering. And then he went for blood. “we aren’t meeting up at roach motels to keep secrets from my brother. tell you what, wanna give the edgelord a call, instead? bet he and stretch are already done banging for the night, all curled up together for beddy-bye.”

“it’s 11am back in the states, i’m more likely to interrupt some meeting.” Oh, but there was blood in the water now, and fucking shark that he was, Red could smell it.

“great, then asgore can listen to our first ever porn podcast.”

Sans reached for his shorts and dug out his phone, humming as he pulled up Papyrus’s contact. “i don’t worry about my bro. let me give him a call, then you can call yours—”

His phone clattered to the floor as Red slapped it out of his hands. Sans kinda hoped it wasn’t broken, he wasn’t gonna have time to get a new one in the morning before all the meetings started and sitting there without candy crush to keep him entertained would be an endless nightmare.

“you gonna fuck me or not.” The words caught on a snarl, Red’s eye lights shading into a deep, harsher crimson, his mouth twisted into a grimace.

Sans hummed thoughtfully. “you gonna give me something to fuck?”

He did one better, rolling onto his front and forming ectoflesh from just beneath his ribcage to the tops of his femurs. The generously rounded globes of his ass were a bribe, but Sans wasn’t too proud to be cheap. He cupped them in both hands, firm flesh but with comfortable give.

But he wasn’t quite ready to be bought. “needed a nice cushion for some pushin?”

“you’re bitching at me for mother goose when you’re putting out that shit? fuck me, already, before i die of boredom—hnn!”

Seemed polite to wait until he was at the end of a sentence to push two fingers into his cunt. So slick inside, already practically dripping with want and Red whimpered as Sans worked to coax out a little more, pressed in another finger just to feel the hot stretch around his knuckles.

“huh. think i like your mouth better when you aren’t speaking,” Sans teased. He worked another finger in, all that slippery wetness making it easy. Yeah, much better like this, gasping and whining, mangling obscenities while Sans scissored his fingers inside him.

"yeah? think this is gonna shut me up?” Red managed to gasp, "gonna have to try harder than that, i could take your fucking fi—gah!!”

"what was that? seemed like you had something to say, sweetheart." Red gave it another try at the same moment Sans gave a little thrust with his fingers, letting them glide in and out, riding that silky wetness as Red’s curses tangled in between whines. In the interest of both their orgasms, it seemed best to reach up and push two fingers into his mouth, forcing him to suck on them and hoping Red didn’t take the opportunity to bite them off.

Instead, a moan vibrated through his phalanges, the slick little tongue between his fingers made him think of other places that mouth had been. Tight, hot little mouth almost as good as his tight little pussy and yeah, it was kinda vulgar to pull his fingers free, slip them still wet between Red's legs to rub his clit but the lovely little writhe he did excused it.

"oh,” Red groaned out, “that's…oh, fuck, you – yeah, just –"

Might be better if he took the continuing effort at speech as a compliment. Not difficult to do with the way Red was pushing back at him, wriggling and rolling his hips in a way that could never be taught, could only be known. He felt the sudden clench around his fingers as Red started to come and quickly pulled them out, left his cunt clenching on nothingness while he scooted back away.

Even as Red spat out curses in the ruins of his orgasm, Sans caught hold of his hips and dragged him up to his knees, hastily forming his cock. He rubbed it along the wet slit, but Red was squirming so much beneath him he slipped away on the first try.

“hold still!” Sans slapped one asscheek, and Red howled…and did it, spreading his knees wider to let him line up. Then he had to catch his own breath, that long, easy slide inside, surrounded by wet, clenching pussy. Easy, too easy to dig his fingers bruisingly into the giving ectoflesh of Red’s hips, lifting him to make the angle that much deeper. His rhythm was shitty and desperate, no finesse left to him. Sans could only drive in as hard as he could, his hips slapping against that generous, crimson backside.

Didn't matter, Red was along for the ride, both hands braced against the headboard and wood shavings curling around his razor fingertips as he dug them into the cheap particleboard. The room was a cacophony of conflicting sounds, flesh and bone striking, the bed frame creaking, and both of them breathing like they were about to dodge a blow. The sudden feeling of Red tightening around him in a sweet, constricting ripple made Sans gasp and listening to his choked, desperate cry as Red convulsed and came again was almost as good as coming himself.

Almost.

The air around them was thick with the scent of their sex, sourly spicy and nothing sweeter to soften it. Sans sagged down on top of Red, ignored his grunt as he let him take all of his weight, and breathed it in.

~~*~~

The sky was only graying with dawn when Sans woke up again. The bed was empty next to him, only the stained blankets and sheets to keep him company. Sans managed to crawl out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, gathering up his wrinkled t-shirt and shorts along the way.

Shitty as this little hotel managed to be, the mildewed shower still had plenty of hot water and Sans basked in it, scrubbing away the night before with the sliver of complimentary soap.

The cab ride would only take fifteen or so, but he still wouldn’t have time to get changed when he got back to the hotel where the ambassadors were staying. Paps would scold him for wearing the same thing as yesterday, loudly and with vigor, and groan at whatever puns Sans offered before slyly offering back one of his own.

But he wouldn’t say anything about Sans being gone all night in front of the others, those questions would only show in his worried glances, and soft, secret questions about whether Sans was being safe.

Damn shame Sans didn’t know the answer.

For now, it didn’t matter. Time to head back and play nice in front of the Ambassadors, and put on some sunglasses so no one could see if he fell asleep. Maybe tonight he could persuade Red out again and they’d give Humpty Dumpty a try or even Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. Worth a shot.

He hummed as he stepped into his rumpled shorts and slipped on his t-shirt. If he hurried, he’d have time to grab coffee. Maybe this time he’d bring one for Red, too, the way he liked it for once, hot and bitter black.

Maybe. It wouldn’t hurt to be a little kind, just this once.

-finis-

[insomni-snacc]

Mx. Shoggoth, I Presume? Pt 4

Warning! Sexual humor and heavy swearing ahead.

-----------------------------

It's Showtime!

You two stood there, shuffling your feet for what seemed like hours. You'd never been proposed to before, even if it was fake. What came next? You had an old ring you had picked up the day before. The etched silver band reminded you of him, the carvings almost matching his signature stripes. You supposed you ought to give it to him now.

"Ah, by the way doll." Beetlejuice cut through your thoughts, "I uh… well since we need this gaggle of breather kids to see me it'd be best if…" he trailed off, barely audible as he mumbled "I'd like it if you'd summon me."

"Pardon? Sorry, I didn't catch that."

He raked his hands through his violently pink hair, "Just read this, dammit." He handed you a business card.

"... A matchmaker? Beej I don't think I need this right--"

"TURN IT OVER."

You did so. "Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice…"

He had to lean against the side of the house to steady himself. He was way too happy with the way his name sounded coming from you.

"Beetlejuice." You finished. A familiar cloud of green smoke formed around the two of you as the demon launched himself into the air. He did a flip and summoned up some fireworks, sending a wink in your direction. What a showoff.

"It's showtime, baby!" Being summoned, let alone by such an exceptional human, gave him the high he needed to get past the last few awkward minutes. He glided down to you, grabbing your hand to give you a quick twirl before pulling you off of your feet and dipping you backwards. "Thanks for callin' on me, tootse. What can I do ya for?"

"What just happened?"

"Well," he pulled you back up to your feet and swung you through a few dance steps while he explained, "I haven't really felt like I could ask Lyds to summon me after what happened last time, so I've only been here in SPIRIT, you might say." He chuckled at the pun. "You can only see me because you're a bit strange and unusual, like her. For normal folks to see me, and for me to be physically here, I gotta be summoned - and guess who just summoned their first demon!"

"... I did?"

"You did!" He nearly leapt around you as he continued flinging you about. Where had this man learned to dance? Was the instructor on cocaine?

Flustered by trying to keep up with his quickening dance moves (and, admittedly, by all of the physical contact with your attractive demonic friend), your thoughts went back to the ring burning a hole in your pocket. "Ah, here." He (thankfully) stopped dancing as you pulled the ring unceremoniously from your pocket, thrusting it towards him. "Gotta have the matching set, right?"

Gosh. You were just so smooth. Cool was your middle name. The demon across from you definitely didn't notice your palms sweating, right?

"Ah… yeah. Yeah I guess so…" His earlier bravado fled from him like a frightened bird. He picked up the ring and fiddled with it for several moments, avoiding eye contact like one look could strike him re-dead.

"Y/N! Beej! C'mon! We're gonna be late!" Lydia shouted from the driveway, pulling you two from your stupor.

"Shit, right. Uh… let's go wrangle some children?" Beetlejuice said, attempting to sound suave and totally unbothered (and failing).

"Yes, let's shall!" You two were going to set a record for the smoothest not-couple in New England.

Lydia, itching to test out her provisional license, insisted on driving the three of you to the school where you would be meeting the other students. Saving you from making any further cool-headed and completely normal conversation, she took the liberty of walking you and Beetlejuice through the rules on the drive. "Beej, I'm going to need you to shapeshift. Can you make yourself look, you know, alive?"

He slapped his cheeks, turning his skin marginally pinker and wiggling his eyebrows at you as if he'd just built the Eiffel Tower in front of your very eyes.

"Can you put in about 1% effort, at least?" Lydia deadpanned.

He huffed and shook himself, emitting a puff of green smoke. The man who emerged looked like your demon friend, but cleaner and a bit… suburban. His hair was a muted brown with emerald green streaks at his temples, the moss and soil that usually clung to every crevice was gone (though the earthy scent remained). He even swapped out his signature striped suit for a casual black button up and dark wash jeans. He looked… well he still looked really damn attractive, especially when he used your staring at his new appearance to give you that cocky grin of his.

"Like what you see, tootse?" He said, running his left hand through his hair. Your eyes snapped to the ring, your ring, on his finger.

"Yeah, life suits you." You smiled sincerely. "Could do without the grave smell, though."

"Hey, that's my natural musk you're talking about. Drives my lovers crazy, if you know what I mean." He leaned towards you, craning his neck to give you a good angle to take a whiff.

You fought the urge to take an exploratory inhale. You were failing. Thankfully, Lydia literally snapped you out of it, before you could embarrass yourself a third time today, by clicking her fingers in agitation. "Let's focus, lovebirds. We're almost there. Y/N, you remember the backstory I gave you?"

"Yup! I moved here one year ago looking for a quiet place to write my book, (and God, do I wish the quiet part were true) and met BJ while I was working on my laptop in the diner on 7th. He told me he'd help me through some dialogue I was stuck on if I took him to dinner. The rest, as they say, is falsified history" At least the reason you moved to New England had been true, though you hadn't exactly found much quiet time for writing in the last few months.

"We snuck out and fucked in the alley behind the diner, right next to that graffiti of those two cartoon cats. It was hella romantic." Beetlejuice slung an arm around you, "you told me right then and there you couldn't live without me or my amazing penis. Of course, I have standards, so I made you wait a few months before I popped the question, but--"

"Beej." Lydia warned.

"What? You didn't give ME a rundown on OUR backstory, so I've gotta improvise."

"I gave you the notes three days ago, it's not my fault you drew dicks all over them, Just let your lovely, responsible spouse do the explaining, ok?" She said, pulling into a parking space in the back of the school. There was a bus waiting there to take them all to the airport, already full of kids. She quickly jogged up to the doors, taking a seat with two kids in the back that you assumed must be her friends. You wasted no time in hauling your luggage inside and addressing the crowd.

"Hi! I'm Mx. Shoggoth, call me Y/N. I'll be your guide--"

"That's my bit!" A disgruntled Beetlejuice complained, pushing you aside. "Hey kids, who's ready to party it up in the Big Easy? Maybe get your voodoo on?"

"We're here to make sure they DON'T get into trouble, BJ."

"Ugh, lame."

"Right. Anyway, this is my husband, Lawrence. You can call him BJ" You gestured to your partner in crime, whose cheeks were tinged with that familiar pink you were used to in his hair. "We're here to make sure y'all don't get mixed up in any voodoo or, you know, die in any fashion."

"Booooo." A teen moaned from the back of the bus. You could hear Lydia chuckling, as well.

"See? You're lame, the kid agrees." Beetlejuice smirked, shoving you aside and taking a seat at the front of the bus. He patted the seat next to him, glancing at you as you finished up your safety spiel.

"... and we'll be meeting your music teacher at the airport, so til then I've been told you should be looking through your sheet music." You ended your speech, taking your seat next to Beetlejuice.

"So professional. Keep that up and I may lose my libido forever." He snickered.

"Yeah well, your sex life isn't any of my concern." You hissed.

"Oh, isn't it? Is that any way to talk to your loving husband?" He grabbed your hand, grazing your knuckles with his lips for good measure. It seemed, once there was an audience, Beetlejuice transformed back into his needy perverted self with no issue.

You, on the other hand, were still easily flustered. Perhaps, you noted as you felt your cheeks practically light on fire and your breath catch in your throat, even more so with an audience. You contemplated jumping through the bus doors just as they closed, sealing you into your fate.

https://insomni-snacc.tumblr.com/post/189284584571/mx-shoggoth-i-presume-pt-3

[randomoranges]

Over the summer, I watched Good Omens in Italian and made a post about it to compare and contrast

And then I did the same with French and FINALLY got around to make sense of my notes. Here they are, enjoy the laughs.

Good Omens in French is Bons Présages which is a literal translation.

French shows/movies/books always seem to do literal translations of things (see Harry Potter)

Crowley’s name goes from Rampant (something that CRAWls) to Rampa.

 God, although voiced by a female sounding actor, is referred as tout puissant (male) and not toutE puissantE (female)

 At least Crowley and Aziraphale use tu around each other instead of using the formal vous. (Listen, the number of shows/movies where 2 characters are friends, but because of the age dynamic they get downed to vous – it’s annoying. I’m glad 6000 yrs of friendship meant they could use tu.)

 Agnes Nutter’s last name is Barge

 The way Crowley greets Hastur and Ligur “hey salut les gars” it’s so casual lamao

 When they’re going through the deeds of the day Crowley goes on to say “oké vous allez adorer – j’ai fait bugger tous les réseaux” he sounds so pleased

 Ciao remains but (according to my old notes – I don’t remember but this is what I wrote like this summer) apparently they go on to say that it means poule (chicken) and not food (so the ciao –chow pun is lost)

 The person from hell who comes through on Crowley’s radio (I was never sure who that was supposed to be) but anyways, that person, they use darling and in French it was translated as mon choux, which is cute and also really funny.

 The Japanese bit was not translated (so it’s still Michael Sheen we hear say the one Japanese line)

 French also does not have another word for cookie (cookie and biscuit – which is funny because in French the word used for cookie is biscuit) ANYWAYS so Sister Mary L says cookie but with a French accent.

 Aziraphael sounds like Azirafal.

 When Aziraphale asks Crowley what he wants to do next (or whatever the line was) and Crowley goes des litres, des fleuves, des océans d’alcool (litres, rivers, oceans of alcool)

 The drunk scene deserves a special mention

 Personal opinion: but Crowley’s VA grows more on you than Aziraphale’s VA. They both sound much younger than D. Tennant and M. Sheen. Sometimes the French VAs don’t... fit lol and fall a bit flat.

 Éternitéééééééééé

 Aziraphale’s “oh doux Jésus”

 Their voices as Nanny and brother Francis were sad.

 Warlock’s voice at age 5 was also sad.

 However warlock calls Nanny “Nounou” and that’s cute

 When Nanny sings the lullaby in French – bless them they tried lamao

 When Aziraphale does the practice magic trick to Crowley, Crowley goes on to complain and say “c’est toi que j’vais faire disparaître” and it’s a gem

 JEANNOT LE LAPIN BLANC (when Aziraphale presents his white rabbit) it’s a Gift.

 The Them = les Eux

 In her cottage = dans son cottage (did you even try)

 When God asks Aziraphale for the sword and Aziraphale describes it as it’s “machin coupant très aiguisé”

 Aziraphale uses vous for God, but God uses tu.

 John and Virtue Device à John et Virtue Bidule (another one of those literal translations.)

 Ok but this one annoyed me. Anathema’s name got changed to Anatheme and like sometimes I get it it’s cause of the way words are pronounced so when you dub you gotta find things that fit the movement of the lips as much as but Anatheme does NOT fit with Anathema. ALSO IT’S THE PERSON’S NAME. LIKE. (Re: see Harry Potter again.) aNYWAys.

 Dick Turpin gets changed to Jesse Janes ????

 Grow better is “et vous les filles, continuer de POUSSER” (so the plants get referred to as “girls”)

 Mme. Tracy’s line about the refined gentlemen (or whatever it is) is aux gentlemen avertis.

 Du beebop.

 When they return to the convent Crowley says “j’me demande où sont passés les nuns” he could have sais soeurs insteand of nuns.

 Aziraphale tells Crowley “tu es un gentil garçon » (you are a nice boy)

 Oh lord heal this bike à oh seigneur, réparez ce vélo

 Angel is sometimes mon ange and I’m die. (My angel.)

 The scene in Rome when Crowley asks “qu’est-ce que vous avez à boire?” He sounds So Done

 My dear fellow = mais mon cher camarade (my dear comrade lol)

 When they’re complaining about horses during the Shakespeare scene = oh aye aye les chevaux ça fait mal aux fesses

 Headquarters = maison mère

 The whole Bastille scene with the Jean Claude is lost because they’re already talking French

 Another transformation of angel is angelot (small angel)

 The description of the head cutting machine is une énorme machine coupeuse de têtes

 Pear shapped = boudain (really not the same thing.)  

 Obviously = manifestement

 During the Blitz scene, when Aziraphale is Super Proud he double crossed the Germans he goes on saying “vous vous petes faites pigeonner! Allez, hop, hop, hop”

 The German bit was kept as is

 When Crowley is tap dancing through the church, the French VA makes some key noises

 You go too fast for me = Tu roules trop vite pour moi (two things; the delivery of the line falls flat and tu roules is literally a driving reference so it’s like more car feeling than like moving in life)

 When Anathema offers the Them lemonade they translated it to citronade, instead of limonade. And I don’t get it.

 Wicked = mortel (Deadly)

When Shadwell mimics Aziraphale’s pip pip it’s something along the lines of hop hop hop espèce de tonton Suisse ????? I’m never sure what he says, but just – it’s a riot.

 I don’t even like you = je ne t’appréci même pas (I don’t appreciate you)

But then Crowley’s you dooo is tu m’adores which, is you adore me and I lost it.

 I’m soft = je ne suis pas un guerrier (I am not a warrior) and wow, okay, not the same, not the same impact. 0/10

 Michael sounds more like Mi-ka-el and meh ok.

 When Crowley talks to God when he’s having a minor existential crisis it – doesn’t deliver as much.

 Adam uses vous for Anathema

 When Pepper realises whales have got the good life she says “oh purée, j’ai trop envie d’être une baleine” (France French expressions are sometimes a whole riot on their own)

 Avocado was changed to amandes (almonds and I don’t know why)

 One big avocado = ce sera bientôt la fin des amandes (it’ll soon be the end of the almonds) re : ??

 You smell like poo = vous sentez vraiment la merde

 Crowley’s I’ve got an old friend here = tu tombes mal, j’ai d’la visite (I’ve got visit)

 Uriel tells Aziraphale “ton p’tit copain aux lunettes fumées” which is your little boyfriend with the dark sunglasses lamao

 Bandes de..... méchants anges! = you bad angels! It sounds more petulant though.

 The whole wrong shop allusion is lost in translation

 You stupid man = espèce de crétin

 Oh fuck = oh merde (really not the same intensity lol)

 The emotion and distress in the dire scene is l o s t . L

 When Crowley is in the bar and he asks for another bottle he asks for la p’tite soeur which means the little sister.

 When Crowley is like Aziraphale is that really you (when his ghost-spirit-nebulous appearance shows up in the bar) it sounds more disbelieving? But like in a what the hell is going on and less in awe/relief??

 Get a wiggle on = remuage des fesses (fesses is butt)

 Pollution sounds very young.

 The 3 other horse people use vous for death

 They had the French VA of Aziraphale say the spreichen ze deutsch bit and He Tried.

 Wahoo = woow

 Not just the southern pansy, THE southern pansy bit = pas simplement une tantouze sudiste, mon chéri, je suis LA tantouze sudiste

A)     He sounds so very pleased with himself

B)      And flirty?? Come hither??

C)      It’s perf

D)     Tantouze sudiste = a vulgar term for a homosexual man

 Shadwell uses vous for Mme. Tracy

 Cowwley = Rampra (when Lisa the insurance girl calls)

 Car = caisse

 When Adam yells his life to get evil out of him or whatever, in the flashback sequence when Ms. Young speaks to Adam when he was born, she speaks to him in French (not like in the Italian version where they just – did not translate that bit.)

 Crowley sounds very suave when he tells Aziraphale in Mme. Tracy’s body that he’ll take care of it when the military dude won’t let them through.

 Dagon à je suis présent not présente (so Dagon uses male words?? pronouns??)

 You were a good car – t’étais une caisse d’enfer

 Kick/lick some serious butt à brouter quelques derrières

 When Aziraphale tells Crowley they should wait before offing Adam the exchange is hilarious

It’s Aziraphale: Peut-être qu’on devrait attendre (maybe we should wait)

Crowley : Qu’il ait le droit de vote? (That he could vote?)

 Vous vous êtes rien vous êtes trop naz, Pepper

 I believe in peace, bitch à Moi je crois en la paix pétasse LOL

 They only buzzed Beelzeebub’s voice for their last line before Satan appears

 Crowley at Adam ok mon garçon

 Adam uses vous for Satan his dad, but then uses tu for him for t’es pas mon père lol

 Le truc cest que tas pu dcamp mon vieux – moi non plus dailleurs

 Their voices when they’re pretending to be each other

 Tickity boo à tout va très bien

 Je te rappelle que je suis un putain d’archange (I’m the archangel fucking Gabriel – or whatever that line was lol)

 Shut your stupid mouth and die already à Tu vas te la fermer ta grande bouche et te décider à mourir

 Beelzebu : il est revenu à ses origines – il a changé de bord instead of he’s gone native

 Miiichael mon pot, tu m’fais un p’tit miracle j’ai pas de serviette à When Aziraphael as Crowley asks Michael for a towel.

[completelypeccable]

Can I Have This Dance?

Chp 3. Dancing Queen

/In this house, we love and appreciate Duke Thomas./

Chp 2

Chp 1

“You are the Dancing Queen! Young and sweet, only seventeen!” Duke yelled along with Stephanie, leaning across the divider in the front seats of the car. 

Tim kicked Steph’s chair, “Hey, pay attention!”

“Stop being jealous that Duke loves me more than you-“

“Steph?”

“Yeah, Duke?”

“Directions?”

“Oh yeah, take a left up here, then...” Steph rattled off. Cassandra snickered from the back seat. 

“Feel that beat like a smooth machine!” Duke continued. 

“That’s so not the-“

“YOU CAN DANCE-“

“Why did we let him drive,” Jason grumbled. 

“Hey, mister spontaneously alive,” the car took a sharp left, but Steph turned completely around. “You don’t have a license, remember?”

“What are you, some goody two shoes piec-“

“Steph, what are you doing?! Buckle-“

Steph gently shushed Tim by smothering his face. He squawked indignantly. 

“Licking won’t work on me, tweety bird.”

Duke eyed them through the rear view mirror. 

“I am the only responsible person in this car,” he sighed. 

Cass frowned. 

“Besides Cassie, but she baby.”

“Oh she baby,” with a yelp, Steph’s arm was disengaged by a jab to the inside of her elbow. 

“And babies can’t drive,” Tim wiped his mouth, “right Damian?”

Tim twisted around (still buckled) to face the glare, but Damian wasn’t listening.  He was leaned against Cass, who lightly traced her nails across his skin with one hand. She winked, pressing a kiss to Damian’s forehead nestled at her collarbone. Damian held her other hand on her lap, splaying her fingers out, in with a barely-there smile.  More of a content line, really. Tim felt relieved that the kid was doing as well as he was, all things considered.

The older two shared a smile. Cass could make anyone melt, but Damian was always uncharacteristically soft with her.

And she loved to coddle him. 

Jason groaned. “How much farther?”

“Why are you so upset?” Tim poked his side.

“I just like to complain. But I am also too big for this car.”

“Oh, good shotgun?”

“Yes, fair driver?”

“For how long must we continue our travels?”

“Until dear Jason loses the will to live-“

“Steph!“

“Would someone please shut up my impulse control?”

Tim leaned his head onto her shoulder, hugging her around the seat. “You say the sweetest things.”

“You can dance, you can try~“

Jason flopped his head onto the seat behind him.

Duke smiled, singing along to the song in his head. The pulse in his mind was always calmer when he wasn’t alone.  After everything that had been going on, he was happy to see his somehow-sibling-esque-figures doing alright.  Being almost normal, even. They planned a family zoo trip! Granted it was partially because Damian was confiscated from his father a-la-angry vigilante style, and Steph and Cass immediately decided to make him act like a normal kid (who is a bit overly attached to animals) to distract them all from that sad reality, and they were all going along for the process because they were grieving something awful- but still! In some way, they were being normal.  Normal-ish.

Whatever.

Today was going to be a good day, he decided.  

...

The Gotham zoo was busy for a Monday, since it was beautiful weather and a day off from school. 

Duke supposed they could all use the break. 

“Hey guys,” Steph started as they stood in front of the narrow window of the bear enclosure. “So, we mostly own the night, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But Duke goes out during the day,”

“It’s the light thing,” he said.

“Yeah, the light thing,” Steph waved her hands. “So, anyways, I get that you’re the sunshine child- pun totally intended- but like, you’re strongest when the sun is strongest, right? That makes you-“

“Oh stop,” Tim cackled.

“-a fire bender! And these losers here are water benders!”

Duke gasped and began bending nothing, to Steph’s delight. 

Swirling his arms, Jason engaged him in battle. Even though they turned heads, their moves became more elaborate than strictly necessary.

Well, Duke guessed none of this was -strictly- necessary.

Cass hummed thoughtfully, patting Damian’s head while he watched the bears lumber towards the water. 

“Us yes. Baby, no.”

Tim considered this as Jason nearly sent Duke into a wayward couple.

“He’s an earth bender,” Steph decided, spinning in lazy circles. 

“I have no idea what you people are talking about. Please let me watch the bears in peace.”

“Wait,” Steph practically launched herself against the boys. 

“Don’t you mean the platypus bears?”

Duke backed away from the angry women.  He scratched his chin and leaned over the plaque. “It just says bear here.”

“You mean skunk bear, then?” Tim grinned.

“Or armadillo bear?” Jason’s size was a gift sometimes, as he leaned back and squashed Damian against the window.

“What are you-“

“Gopher bear?” Steph giggled. 

“Just says bear here,” Duke shrugged. 

Cass’s spoke softly, but precisely, as if tasting each sound. 

“Weird place.”

“Weird people,” Damian grumbled. Jason leaned farther back, further pancaking his cheek against the glass.

“Dancing queen, face as red as a tangerine!” Duke poked his nose. 

“Oh, that reminds me, we need to get some fried Oreos-“

“How does that-“

“Shush, Tim. I need fried Oreos clogging my arteries as soon as humanly possible. Come on.”

“Heck yes,” Jason grinned, picking Damian up like a very angry yoga mat. “Steph is in charge now, sorry Duke.”

“As the only capable adult here, I say we need to eat an actual lunch, too.”

Tim took Damian, only to walk with him upside down over his shoulder.  They all pretended not to notice his smile underneath the half-hearted promises of violence.

“Nuggets,” Cass prophesied. 

Steph linked their arms and led the way to the food court. 

...

Duke had been looking forward to this trip all week, and it didn’t disappoint. They saw all the animals, ate terrible food in a less than sanitary environment, then chased each other around and generally made themselves a nuisance to society. 

It was great. 

Some highlights? Cass dared Jason to eat half a hot dog in a single bite. He shoved the whole thing in his mouth, then walked into a pole. Tim fell asleep on top of Steph and mumbled about robot bunnies.  Duke carried Damian around on his shoulders, accidentally walked him into some tree branches, and laughed so hard he dropped him. 

Of course, it had been weird that the zoo hadn’t bumped up the number of workers to match crowd sizes, but it was fine. Just took a little longer to do things. And the place was a little messier.

They were just paranoid, is all.

Cass tossed the purple plush snake around her shoulders as they exited the gift shop to the center plaza. The tail hit Steph, who adjusted her peacock sunglasses with an upturned nose. 

The crowd rushed around them like a steady stream of fish (“Only animal metaphors for the zoo, folks”). Their imposing shark, Jason, frowned as he pushed his way through the flow. 

Damian offered Duke an animal cracker, and he happily picked out a zebra. 

It had been a good day. 

Tim had waited outside for them, citing important business. He smiled and lowered his phone from his ear as they got closer to his seat at the fountain. 

“Hey, Dames, can I have one?” He asked. 

Damian raised a single brow.

Tim could fake emotions with the worst of them. Oh, wait, animals. Dang it, Steph.  Like a honey bee could take a casual stroll.

“And here I was going to offer you my phone to talk to Dick-“

Damian shoved the whole bag at him and grabbed the phone. 

Tim laughed as Damian scurried a small distance away, plunking down just outside the bathrooms.  Twin paintings- one a giraffe, the other a flamingo- labeled the two single person stalls. 

“Any news from Dick?” Steph asked, settling against Tim’s side. 

“Yeah,” he nodded, watching Damian smile into the receiver. “He said he was on his way back.”

It was funny how Jason thought with his face sometimes. Duke could feel the confusion. 

“Wait, isn’t he undercover somewhere in Asia right now taking down Some MobTM with ties to the League of Assassins?”

“From the inside, yeah.”

“And he just, what, finished up early?”

“Pretty much.”

Jason threw up his hands, “I hate this family.”

Steph laughed, dragging Cass half onto her lap while Tim stared distracted at the crowd. 

Just like that, Jason’s face hardened. Following his line of vision, Duke watched a teen scurry out of the bathroom to the main directory on the other side of the plaza. His hood was up and he looked neither right nor left. 

“I’ll be right back,” Jason said, slipping into the crowd flow. 

Probably nothing, Duke thought, watching Cass threaten to push Steph into the fountain. 

“I’d take the quarters, so the joke’s on you.”

“Stealing,” Cass tutted. 

“I’ll look good doing it.”

An eye roll. 

Tim’s fingers rapidly tapped against the stone. 

“Dames, wrap it up, we’re headed out,” he called. 

Damian gave a thumbs up. 

See, it was still a good day. Duke breathed deeply. 

It was fine. 

It was-

The fire alarm went off at the directory.  The crowd turned to look.

Tim tensed, and Duke felt the shock shoot up his spine as yellow light pulsed and swarmed toward the bathrooms. 

Oh no. 

A high pitched whine. 

“Get down!” Duke yelled. 

The bathroom exploded. They threw themselves to the ground just in time to avoid the brunt of the heat and debris. Dirt and rock sprayed in his face. Smoke filled the air, dark and thick. 

Tim scrambled to his feet, coughing. 

“Damian!”

No, Duke thought. 

There was so much smoke. 

They all scrambled toward the bathroom, but the wall where Damian had stood was half rubble and the kid was nowhere to be found. 

Duke stared where he last saw him, but the smoke obscured most of the light. 

Why is there so much smoke?, he thought. It was hard to get a reading. Come on, Duke. The scene kept pulsing, then disappearing. His head hurt, he couldn’t breathe, but the static blur began to form. Come on. 

Tim ran into the building. 

Duke fought through the haze until the blue-tinged flecks obeyed and the scene spotted into focus. He saw Damian drop to the ground just as the wall flew apart. Stray debris littered his body, and a brick to the skull knocked him unconscious. The smoke poured through, but just before everything blacked out, a lumbering figure dragged the kid through the broken wall into complete darkness. 

The present rushed back. Duke inhaled smoke, sinking to the ground. His chest felt like someone was de-stringing his muscles like spaghetti. Twist, twisting the fork. 

“No!” Steph screamed. Tim came out alone and choking for air. Steph pushed her way in, but Duke knew it was useless. 

Damian was gone. 

[phobiadeficient]

Speeding bullet - scout being really braggy and boastful while 'trying' to get sniper into bed and when sniper finally agrees Scout is rlly fuckin insecure bc he didn't think it would work

scout tf2 all “ooh i got big dick energy” until he’s gotta get his dick out. ft. trans sniper because i fuckin feel like it

-

It was only half-joking, yeah, but that still meant that half of it was a joke.

It mostly started as just… an extension of what Scout was already kind of doing. It had started on him trying to get Snioer to laugh, and when it turned out he liked doing that, he’d worked hard to dig up all sorts of material. Puns and lame dad jokes and stuff, mostly. Then when he’d run low on those, he moved on to cheesy pickup lines. Then eventually he moved on to just regular pickup lines, then it somehow morphed into straight up flirting.

Kissy faces at Sniper across the room when he was trying to focus on a different conversation and pretending he hadn’t been doing anything when the other person looked was one of them that he had fun with for a while. Offhandedly saying “hot” when Sniper did normal, regular things, because to be fair, Sniper was a real attractive dude. Sniper occasionally bopping him on the shoulder for a sassy remark, to which Scout would make a dramatic noise and go “harder” just to make Sniper blush. Casually calling Sniper “babe” or “hon” when he wasn’t really paying attention just to see him sputter a bit.

He didn’t think it was ever gonna go anywhere, not just on the basis of it mostly being a joke, but also because Sniper was wayyy out of Scout’s league, as far as he was concerned. Mysterious Australian marksman, tall and handsome, real sweet and awfully polite in a way that made him the exact kind of guy Scout would’ve wanted to bring home to his Ma back when he lived in Boston and was still trying to date for real.

And he knew Sniper was into dudes, had gathered as much when Sniper one day quietly murmured some remark about an ex-boyfriend and promptly tried to brush past it. But that didn’t necessarily mean he was into Scout.

But he liked the way Sniper’s mouth ticked up at the corner when he hit him with a really good pick up line. Liked the way Sniper would sometimes roll his eyes, sometimes flush, sometimes sputter and smack his shoulder. It was nice, the thing they had going. Friends, but better than coworker friends, but kind of different than friends. It was a weird dynamic they had going on.

They were in Scout’s room one day, playing checkers on the shitty little board Scout had picked up from a thrift store at some point and never gotten around to throwing away. Sitting across from each other with the board between them on Scout’s bed, Scout criss-cross and Sniper half-lounged against the wall.

Sniper finished off his last two pieces in a double jump, and Scout swore, having lost track of the piece responsible.

“You suck, dude,” Scout complained, picking up the pieces and stacking them with the rest of his own.

“Mate, you suck,” Sniper corrected.

“Only on weekends,” Scout shot back, only a second delayed, and winked. “But hey, I can make exceptions.”

“Is that right?” Sniper asked.

This was a new bit. Sniper didn’t usually push the joke forward, or prompt him for more. Scout rolled with it. “Yeah, man,” he laughed. “I can start taking walk-in appointments for a nice face.”

“How far do you schedule in advance?” Sniper asked next, raising an eyebrow.

“Not too busy these days,” Scout shrugged.

“Might be able to say you’re able to… squeeze someone in?” Sniper asked, and Scout’s heart hammered, even as he burst into laughter.

“Aw, fuck, that’s a good line. Jesus, I’m mad I didn’t think of that first,” he managed, and Sniper was smiling too, looked away after a second.

“Thanks, mate,” he replied, looking satisfied. He shifted, not looking back. “You’d think there’d be a waiting list a mile long.”

“Fuckin’ tell me about it,” Scout groaned, leaning back to get a bit more comfortable. “I mean, seriously. There’s like nobody out here. Unless I wanna dick down on some sand or whatever, I’m shit outta luck. And most of the people in town are way too old for me, and the people that ain’t are like, either taken or super weird or just not interested. And yeah, one or two are all clear, everything’s fine, but the second the word relationship crops up, poof, gone, smoke cloud, fuckin’ witness protection levels of disappeared. What’s a guy gotta do to get appreciated a little around here, y’know?”

Sniper nodded and hummed sympathetically. “Well, I’m sure there’s one or two people around who can tell a good thing when they see it,” he said, tilting his head.

“We talkin’ besides you?” Scout asked, grinning and starting to gesture at himself. “I mean, look at this, look at all’a this! No duh, I know you’ve got two workin’ eyes and at least a little bit of taste. Even if your food is fucked up and weird.”

Sniper rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Humble, are we?”

“What, am I supposed to be?” Scout asked, cheeky and unapologetic.

“It’s alright. It’s cute,” Sniper replied, glancing him up and down.

Scout flushed. The tables weren’t usually turned like this, and it was taking surprisingly little to fluster him. “Thanks,” was all he could think of. He cursed himself for not having a better line. “I mean, yeah. Of course I am. Uh, it is. Fuck.”

Sniper chuckled, and sat up. “Thought you usually hate it when people call you cute,” he pointed out, tilting his head back and forth to stretch his neck where he’d been sitting weird.

“I mean, it’s okay if it’s… you,” Scout said, words slowing as he realized how sappy that sounded. “I—I’d be okay with—“

He stammered a little, distracted by the visual of Sniper pulling off his shades, which he almost never did, and folding them up, setting them off to one side and fixing him with a look, eyes sharp and overwhelming now that they were uncovered and Scout was faced with the absolute brunt of them.

“—I mean I-I-I’d be okay with all sorts of things,” he said, a little desperate to turn the conversation back to their standard flirty jokes. He felt way out of his depth all of a sudden and it made him a little uncomfortable.

Then every muscle in Scout’s body froze as Sniper moved forward.

He knocked over their little stacks of checker chips with his knee, sending a few in a lazy topple down off the bed towards the floor, and a gentle push to Scout’s shoulder was all it took to make him fall back onto his back, and then Sniper was over him, on top of him, inside of his thigh against the outside of Scout’s propped up on his arms.

“What sorts of things?” Sniper prompted quietly.

Scout’s breath caught, staring up at Sniper with wide eyes.

After a few seconds of silence, Sniper’s eyebrows started to furrow. “You awright, mate?” he asked gently.

“Yeah! Yeah, for sure,” Scout said right away, fumbling to try and find a good place to put his hands, settling on Sniper’s shoulders despite the awkward bend it put into his elbows between them.

“Are you… not ready, to…?” he started to ask next, trailing a little, and Scout was faced with a series of concepts. That Sniper thought their arrangement was one where Scout could be ready for this. That Sniper thought they had some kind of arrangement. That Sniper wanted him.

The last one buzzed around in his head hard enough that Scout didn’t even remember to respond.

“We can stop,” Sniper said next, and Scout fumbled for a good reply.

“No! No, I’m good. It’s good,” he said, trying to calm his hammering pulse.

Sniper sat up a little, glancing him up and down again. “It just seems like you’re nervous is all,” he said.

And he was, and he was sure his hands would be shaking if they weren’t holding on to Sniper’s shoulders. “I’m good,” he said anyways. “I just—I dunno what you, what you like, what you want.”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Sniper replied, and Scout had to fight hard not to jump at the feeling of Sniper trailing a hand down his side. “What do you want to do?”

Scout swallowed hard. “Can,” he started to ask, and he didn’t know how he could be reading this wrong but he was sure that he was, had to be, felt this was an insane thing to be able to request but Sniper had asked so he tried anyways, “can I touch you?”

Sniper shrugged, sitting up just slightly further, squaring his shoulders to open himself up. “Go ahead,” he prompted, and Scout did.

He managed to undo the buttons of Sniper’s shirt, pushing it down his shoulders a little ways before he realized he had an undershirt on and that it would need to go as well. A glance up at Sniper, and Sniper chuckled, sat back slightly, pulled off his shirt and undershirt both before he leaned back forward within range of Scout’s hands.

Scout traced across all the scars he could find with gentle fingers, trailing them momentarily over two large scars there at Sniper’s pecs. “How’d you get these?” he asked, glanced up at Sniper.

Sniper frowned. “Mate, I’ve told you already,” he said quietly, and Scout took a good few moments to realize what Sniper meant, then looked down again with wide eyes.

Somehow the words “top surgery” hadn’t brought him the mental image of big, wide scars. Suddenly he was all the more impressed with Sniper. “Oh yeah,” he said, tracing over them again. “Huh.”

Sniper fixed him with a befuddled smile, the sort of fond “are you serious, how’d you forget that?” look he tended to get from people who actually liked him, and Scout could only smile back sheepishly. Finally Sniper rolled his eyes and plucked on Scout’s shirt. “Planning on ever taking this off?” he asked, and Scout quickly nodded, trying to wrestle himself free of the shirt as fast as he could. “Easy, mate. No time limit, here.”

“I know!” Scout said a little defensively, finally getting the shirt off over his head, and Sniper smoothed down the hair on one side of his head where it was probably sticking up and looking dumb.

God, he probably looked so dumb. There lying beneath a big, cool guy like Sniper, all… scrawny and already flushing and not a single cool scar to speak of—

“Mate, it’s alright if you’re nervous,” Sniper said, worry increasing.

“No I’m not nervous why would I be nervous I’m totally cool,” Scout said all in a rush.

Sniper raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I mean, maybe a little a little nervous, but just because I—“ And he realized it in the same moment he fished through his head for an excuse. “I just don’t have anything to… y’know, stuff we might need.”

Sniper stared, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I don’t have any condoms or anything on me,” Scout finally admitted, surely flushed down to his chest.

Sniper’s lips parted around a silent “oh”, and he nodded. “Awright. Well, that’s fine, still plenty we can do,” he decided aloud after a second. “How’s about I tug you off, you do the same for me?”

Scout didn’t know how he was in a situation where it was acceptable to ask the thing he blurted a second later, but thank god that he was. “Can I go down on you?” he asked, not entirely sure what words he would use in the specific and not wanting to be super rude and ask.

Sniper laughed, grinning. “Sure, mate. If you want,” he nodded. Another look up and down. “Mind if I get you off first, though? I’ll admit, I’ve, er, been looking forward to the chance a bit.”

“Go ahead,” Scout said weakly, and Sniper’s grin widened, and he moved to work Scout’s pants open in simple, confident motions.

It was a little embarrassing that he was so hard already, and he had to look away from Sniper, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. Sniper hummed, and then spit into his hand, and then he was jacking Scout off, steady and nice.

“How’s that?” he prompted softly into Scout’s collarbone when all Scout did for a while was pant and gasp quietly.

“S’good,” he managed, voice shaky. “Real good. Real fuckin’ good.”

So good that he felt a moan rising up in his chest and pressed his hand against his mouth, biting down on the meaty part of his palm to try to stifle it.

“Oh, no,” Sniper chided, voice a growl, taking Scout’s wrist and pinning it just to one side of him, grinning. “I wanna hear you.”

Scout started to protest, but then Sniper squeezed nice nice nice over the head and it made his lashes flutter, his back arch, his mouth fall open in a gasp trailed by a moan, and his face was absolutely on fire.

“There’s a beauty,” Sniper purred, and pulled his hand back to spit in it a second time before he returned, picking up speed and apparently greatly enjoying the way Scout squirmed, the noises that rose up in his throat. “There you go. Nice, aren’t it?”

“Yeah,” Scout agreed, and he wished he could shut up, wished he could shut his big fuckin’ mouth for a minute before he embarrassed himself, but he couldn’t, could only whimper out praises and pleads as Sniper drew him closer to, and finally over, the edge, heralded by a weak groan and Sniper’s name.

He came back down to earth to the feeling of lips and stubble against his cheek, his jaw. Scout blindly fumbled with his newly-freed hand towards his dresser, managing to find the tissues and mop himself off, still flushed, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Cute,” Sniper hummed, looking down at him, and Scout groaned, head falling back for a second to finish collecting himself.

“Uh,” he tried to say, blinked once or twice, looked at Sniper. “Hey, let me hit you with somethin’ real quick.”

“Mm?” Sniper asked, mildly intrigued.

“How about you, uh.” And usually he was so much smoother, way cooler, but Sniper had him frazzled in a way that most people didn’t, not even that really hot guy he met the year after he graduated, the one with the leather jacket and the cologne that made him practically lightheaded. He fumbled for a way to phrase it that was hot, but couldn’t seem to find anything, and just sighed, spitting it out and cutting the bullshit. “How about you sit on my face?”

Because in a cursory glance, he’d noticed that while Sniper was smiling, movements languid and smooth in a way that meant he was very much into the proceedings, he didn’t seem to have a bulge in his pants, there being no hardness to speak of when he ground his hips forward into Scout’s thigh. And apparently he’d made the right call, because Sniper  chuckled and agreed.

And to be honest, he didn’t remember much after that. It was mostly a haze, movement and heat, Sniper’s husky voice dripping into his ears much in the same way that slickness dropped down Scout’s chin and cheeks. All he knew was that Sniper was gorgeous, and seemed to like what Scout could do with his mouth—and damn right he did, he had enough experience that he would be a little insulted otherwise. All he knew was that halfway through he found himself outright hard again, and wound up jerking himself off desperately with his free even as he continued trying to wring noises out of Sniper with mouth and fingers, muffled groans escaping him as Sniper decided to tease him about it in that low raspy voice he was starting to get addicted to.

Sniper finished first, and the rush he got feeling Sniper’s legs close right around his head drove him over the edge, bucking and making Sniper roll forward slightly and prolonging things for him.

And finally Sniper was leaning up onto his knees, reaching for the same tissues Scout had gone for earlier and laughing at the picture Scout made. His hair was all stuck up on one side again, he was pretty sure, and his face was red and shiny with wetness, lips swollen and parted as he panted, staring up at Sniper with bright eyes.

“We gotta do this again some time,” Scout said before Sniper was even done wiping himself down.

And Sniper laughed. “Sure, mate. Any day of the week.”

[ar-bi-trary]

Richie was more nervous than he let on (not that it fooled Eddie) about getting his wisdom teeth out. 

The pain was one thing. How he’d react to laughing gas? That was another thing. 

It wasn’t as if he had much to hide, the secret he fought tooth and nail to keep was now public knowledge. His boyfriend accompanying him to the dental office, hand intertwined with his, was enough proof of that. No. Richie wasn’t sure what it was that he’s afraid he might spill. But that did little to soothe his worries.

Eddie stayed with him as they got everything set up in one of the rooms. He kept a hand on Richie reassuringly, rubbing his thumb back and forth on Richie’s wrist as he listened intently to the doctor. It was a good thing he was managing to be as attentive as he was because Richie could not focus on a single word in the long speel. He only showed some response to it when they mentioned the drug aspect of it, to which he said, “Don’t worry, it’s not my first ride around the merry-go-round.” 

The doctor asked him something back but by then he was back to zoning her out. Eddie rolled his eyes as he went to explain something so he figured the joke hadn’t exactly gone through.

And then he was counting down from ten and he could not believe he was actually doing this cliche hospital drama thi- He conked out at six.

-

An hour later, Eddie returned to the office having busied himself with errands to make the time go faster. Still, his mind was cluttered with ‘what ifs’ that made him maybe a bit too frantic as he asked to go in and see Richie.

Richie was awake and clearly fine to his relief. Richie immediately noticed his entrance, even though he was in no way able to see him with his glasses off. He beamed up at Eddie’s general direction, saying a very muffled “Eddie!” and then, “He’s my boyfriend, you believe that?” to the assistants and doctors. Eddie found himself a bit flushed but he shook it away as he moved to sit beside Richie, handing the man his glasses.

Listening to the doctor explain how the surgery had gone and what the care procedures were was incredibly difficult because Richie could not stop talking. He gushed about Eddie constantly, declared him as boyfriend no less than six more times, and when he wasn’t talking about his love for Eddie he was cracking the worst jokes. It was all puns that everyone in the room clearly had heard before, but the staff indulged him with (exaggerated) laughter each time. Eddie wasn’t so pleased to be an audience member.

“Rich, you’ve gotta be quiet for a while. I really need to listen to the doctor right now so you don’t ruin the clotting.”

“Eddie, hey Eddie. What’s brown and sticky?”

“Richie, please.” 

“A stick, Eddie! A stick!”

Then he’d break out into laughter- or as close to someone with a gauze stuffed mouth could get to laughing.

-

After an immeasurable amount of interruptions, they were finally given the all-clear to go home. They were left with the reminder that Richie should avoid talking too much which Eddie could only respond with “I’ll do my best.” It was a false promise.

Richie was utterly clumsy returning to the car, nearly faceplanting down the two steps at the front door. Eddie resigned to let him lean on him on the way back to the car, praying that he wouldn’t need to come back to the office ahead of schedule. Though for how tired he felt, he did feel his heart warm a little to how affectionate Richie had gotten. The cuteness of everything outweighed the embarrassment tenfold.

Pulling out of his parking spot, Eddie stopped near immediately when the beeping tone sounded from the console. He was wearing his seatbelt so why was it- Richie. Low and behold, the other man hadn’t bothered to put on his seatbelt apparently too preoccupied with writing something on the fogged-up windows.

“C’mon Rich- that’s going to show up every time its cold out now.” 

Richie turned around with a guilty look on his face, “Sorry Eds.” But then Eddie could see what Richie had written- R + E - and his heart practically exploded. 

“No no, it’s okay. Nevermind, I’m alright with that. Just no dick drawings or whatever gross shit you’d normally do.” That seemed to cheer Richie up. “You’ve gotta put your seatbelt on though.” 

Richie seemed to finally come to realize he’d forgotten, tugging away at the strap while saying to no one in particular, “Right, Eddie cares a lot about safety- can’t be in the car with him without seatbelts.” The fact that seatbelts were necessary for all cars seemed to slip his mind.

-

The ride was fairly uneventful for a while although Richie was still talking to himself. Eddie had told him off multiple times, knowing he needed to keep the gauze from falling out. But even then he couldn’t deny hearing Richie praise him- especially given he didn’t appear to notice Eddie was in the car with him- was absolutely heart-melting.

That love quickly faded when Richie finally acknowledged his presence to announce, “Hey Eds, I think my mouth is bleeding.”

He was- and it was dripping down his face like a goddamn horror flick. Worse though, was that Richie had tried to rub it off with his hands so now his hands were stained red and real close to leaving marks all over the car. Eddie was not getting blood in his car- not when it had just been cleaned (and not ever) so he pulled into the first parking lot he saw.

“Do not touch anything. Okay?”

“How come?”

“I don’t want blood in my car- that’s why.”

Eddie took a moment to search through the car door storage, knowing that there had to be a package of wet wipes somewhere. When he finally did locate the package, he briskly grabbed a few and whipped around to face Richie.

Richie was crying, actual tears rolling down his face, and it took Eddie back. He was looking at his own hands in horror and being every so cautious that no part of his arm touched the car. 

“Eddie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too, it keeps spilling. I don’t wanna ruin your car. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.”

Fuck. Eddie forgot his agitation in a snap. 

“Hey. Rich, it’s okay. We’ll deal with the blood and it’ll be okay. I’m not mad.. I was just frustrated. It’s not your fault.” He leaned over to wipe up Richie’s stained chin but the other man jerked away.

“You don’t like blood Eddie”

“You’re right, I don’t. But it’s easier if I clean you up, so I don’t mind. Don’t worry about it.”

The next time he tried to wipe the other man’s face, Richie let him. He still sniffled a bit but he’d seemed to have calmed down which brought a wave of relief over Eddie. By the time Richie was completely clean, he’d entirely moved on- looking out the window as Eddie left to go trash the dirty wipes.

When Eddie returned, Richie practically tackled him in his seat.

“You’re the best Eddie. I love you.”

“I love you too Richie.” 

Eddie was stunned by the sudden affection but it all became clear a mere second later.

“Can we get Mcdonalds?”

“What?”

“I want McD’s Eddie- it’s right over there.”  Richie pointed out the window to the restaurant, big yellow arches nearly a minute away from them.

“Richie, you can’t eat anything solid right now. Not to mention that fast food is in no way good for you.” 

Richie pondered for a moment. “I could get a milkshake.” 

“You can’t drink from a straw.”

“I’ll eat it with a spoon.”

Eddie silently cursed Richie’s miraculous ability to still find loopholes even when he was high off his mind. 

“Richie, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I can make you something at home, we’ll be back in fifteen minutes if we leave right now.”

“Milkshake- I want a milkshake.”

“Rich...”

“Eddiee.”

Reluctantly, Eddie gave in and drove over to the McDonalds drive-thru. By all sense of miracles, the icecream machine was running. (Of course, it worked when Eddie prayed it didn’t.) 

-

When they got home, Richie was almost asleep. His feet dragged behind him and Eddie had practically carried him to their bedroom. Richie was reluctant to move even then, flopped on the bed face down with his legs hanging over the end. 

“Rich, you’re still wearing your shoes.”

All that earned Eddie in response was an entirely unintelligible response followed by Richie kicking his legs up. So in doing what Eddie swore he’d never do for anyone else, he ripped Richie’s disgusting shoes off of his feet and set them to the side of the room, scrunching up his nose at the smell the whole time.

Richie had actually fallen asleep in the midst of him putting them away- sprawled out on top of the comforter, face buried in the pillows. So Eddie grabbed a few blankets and draped them over his sleeping boyfriend, satisfied that now he wouldn’t freeze to death. In fact, Richie looked really comfy. Even if his cheeks were swollen and wrapped with an icepack, Eddie swore he was smiling in his sleep.

Eddie knew he had other things to do. He was supposed to be sorting out Richie’s medicine, planning out what he would be able to eat for the week, and that wasn’t including what he needed to get done for work seeing as he’d taken the day off to help with Richie. Despite this, Eddie clambered underneath the blankets as well shuffling till his chest was flush with Richie’s back and his arms could wrap around him. 

He deserved a break too.

-

Richie was more or less back to normal the next morning, groggy and more than a little grumpy given he could now feel the pain in his mouth. Eddie had given him what medicine he could take but it clearly wasn’t enough to numb it all out.

Even though he was moody- Richie did his best not to complain. The day prior was just fog in his head, but he knew that Eddie would’ve had to deal with whatever shit he’d gotten up too.

“How bad was I? Be honest.”

“You were perfect.”

“I said be honest.” 

“I was being honest! You were really very sweet.” Eddie gave him an honest smile at that. “Though I’ll be honest your jokes will really weak.” 

Richie glared at him for a moment but shrugged it off quickly. 

It seemed that he’d just been himself and Eddie loved him for that.