#is my previous lack of some things because i was super scared and hiding it? yes but like what if it wasn't

[ivyquinzel]

.

[sunnyoldbear]

I’m no artist but all I think about is Luca so here are my headcanons for them when they’re older!

Luca:

As I said in a previous post, he gets a bit thicker as he grows since his whole family is on the thicker side and he’s very skinny.

His tail gets longer as he gets older and he’s like a little kitty with it. When he’s in the water, he sleeps on his stomach with it curled completely around him. He also wraps his tail around Alberto and Giulia at times if there’s ever a time where it’s raining or something when they’re in the surface.

He’s the shortest of the trio and he hates that with every fiber of his being. Neither of them let him forget it.

He loves space more than the movie lets on, and that’s saying something. He has read almost every book he can find on it and he rambles about it every day.

He is still pretty clumsy and his arms always have a few bruises or scrapes on them. He likes putting colorful bandaids on his cuts because he likes the colors.

He loves helping Giulia’s mom with painting! Not just modeling for her, but just painting with her or learning. It reminds him of Alberto. He’s not… good at it, but he loves it.

Oh he loves dogs. He’s still a little scared of cats after Machiavelli, but Nerone is his baby and he would do anything for that little pup.

Has a massive sweet tooth!

As expected, he loves learning about Vespas and how they work and everything. He does his research and writes letters to Alberto about the best books to read about Vespas to ensure they buy or make the very best one.

He’s always moving, just can’t sit still. He’s always bouncing his knee or kicking his legs or drumming his fingers. He just can’t help it. (He’s neurodivergent yes, but this is the 50s so…)

Still has very fishy sayings that no one but him, his family, and Alberto understand.

Can ramble for hours about the sea and how he can relate it to space. He still loves water and tends to list the names of his goatfish under his breath when he’s stressed to calm himself down. He still misses wrangling them, but he is so happy that he’s free.

Spends hours working on his handwriting because he doesn’t like how messy it is. He wants it to be perfect.

He’s very self conscious about most human things he does. The only thing he isn’t self conscious about is his swimming abilities, but he hides it pretty well. He’s most self conscious about his intelligence, or lack thereof. He’s meant to be at Giulia’s level of intelligence but since he was raised in the ocean, he knows next to nothing and so he has to work extra hard to get good grades. He stresses a lot about it and sobs if he gets a bad grade.

He’s a surprisingly good cook. It just relaxes him.

He loves flowers and learned how to make flower crowns.

He also loves collecting seashells he finds because it reminds him of home.

Like many agree, he is terrified of bugs, but he could never hurt one.

He’s very emotional, but that’s canon so.

His letters to Alberto are typically very long and full of emotions and things about his day, as well as random things. He doesn’t mind Alberto’s shorter letters, and he saves them in a box under his bed.

Every time he sees Alberto again he practically tackles him in a hug. The first time, both of them fell straight to the floor and were bruised for days.

He loves stuffed animals. Since it’s not “manly” to keep them, he gets them “for Giulia” and then puts them on his bed. (Modern day, he wouldn’t give a damn and just get them for himself)

Gets flustered super easily, as we see in canon. Be it an innocent romantic comment or a nice compliment, he goes super red and embarrassed, stumbling over his words.

Still says “silenzio Bruno” before he does anything he’s nervous to. Some kids at school are confused about it but he’s more confused at their confusion. How do they not know what a Bruno is? Isn’t it a human thing?

Loves to annotate his books. Associates certain books/book quotes with the people he loves and will give them those books or repeat the quote to them.

Though Genova is much more accepting than Portorosso, he is still bullied pretty badly when Giulia isn’t around, and sometimes even when she is. He pretends nothing happens or that it doesn’t bother him, but it does. It bothers him so, so much. Alberto can see right through him with ease and is there to remind him that everything is okay and he’s still loved. It helps, but not as much as Alberto thinks it does.

Even with the bullying, Luca loves school so, so much. That being said, he loves summer and being in Portorosso more.

Does that “look me in the eyes. You know I love you right?” thing he and his mother do to everyone he loves.

Alberto:

There is nothing he loves more than harassing Giulia. Being her brother, he loves to tease her, but will fight anyone who does the same.

Once decked Ercole. Got in trouble but Massimo secretly gave him a high five.

Cleaned up the island and erased the tallies he made for his father. He put some of Giulia’s fairy lights in there and has a few extra pillows, books in every corner and drawings all across the tower. He still has a lot of his human artifacts, but most of them are gone since he needs money for a Vespa.

His new tally board has “Reunion” scrawled at the top and its for waiting for his sister and best friend to return home.

Loves being a lifeguard.

Is super close to Machiavelli now and even adopted a stray to be his friend. Or uh… more than a friend, considering the big litter the cat soon fathered.

Alberto named all the kittens after fish.

He always draws things for Luca and eagerly waits his arrival.

Also has a massive sweet tooth, bigger than Luca’s.

Stores Luca’s letters away under his bed.

He and Massimo made Giulia’s hideout a proper treehouse and it’s now a study spot.

Has tons of books about Vespas. Massimo taught him to read and write.

He’s more self confident about his “human expertise” since he does it his own way.

One of the messiest eaters I swear to god-

Doesn’t care much about space, but he’ll listen to Luca ramble about it for hours without complaint.

Doesn’t really have anything he’s super interested in other than Vespas like how Luca likes space, but I might change my mind about that.

Loves watermelon!

His recklessness causes him to have as many bruises and scrapes as Luca’s clumsiness does, but he doesn’t care about putting bandaids on.

Alberto’s letters are pretty short but great!

Definitely bottles things up until he can’t anymore but he’s trying to get better.

Part of him feels guilty about catching and eating fish, but it’s hinted seamonsters eat fish so I’m accepting that as canon and saying he feels slightly less guilty about it. Definitely enjoys pasta more.

Loves the snow, especially when it means snowball fights. (Definitely throws them as hard as he can at Ercole. Son of a bitch deserves it.)

Oh yeah, he swears now. He’s heard a few swears around while making deliveries around the year and catches on. He makes a few of his own, too.

He just makes up words of his own as well as phrases. He doesn’t just convince Luca to say them. He convinces Massimo & Giulia as well as Luca’s fam. It’s a big, fun inside joke.

Loves turning into a sea monster and acting silly to make the kids around town smile.

Honestly he just loves being a sea monster. It’s great to be him. He feels free. It’s not as good a feeling as being on a Vespa, but it’s something.

He stares longingly at every Vespa he sees.

He probably named that girl cat Vespa or some variation of now that I think of it.

Giulia:

I see a lot of headcanons of her with glasses and I gotta say I love it! So, glasses Giulia!!!

Tallest of the three! Alberto hates her for it but she loves it.

She actually takes after her father more than she does her mother, contrary to popular belief.

Though she loves space, after her meeting with the boys, she’s thinking of marine biology. She stays up late every night researching everything aquatic. She constantly asks the boys about sea things and visits in that diver suit whenever she can.

She bullies Alberto as often as he bullies her. Their play fights look so aggressive that people think they’re actually trying to kill each other.

She’s constantly torn between chopping off all her hair or letting it grow out. She settles on leaving it medium length and tie it up.

A very yellow person! It’s everywhere. She loves it so much! The color of happiness, baby.

She’s the first to call Alberto part of the family, saying in a letter that her school wants to meet her brother. She got a letter from Massimo saying Alberto sobbed upon reading it.

Loves to paint with her mom but thinks bike riding is better. She loves that bike.

Harasses Alberto to put a sidecar on his Vespa for her. (Inspired by a drawing by aishimation on Instagram!)

Though she adore her mother, she’s a daddy’s girl and loves him so much.

Can and will punch anyone who calls her brother and her best friend a monster straight in the jaw

Hates her school uniform

Will also pour water all over Alberto just to piss him off

Summertime? I think you mean “training for the Portorosso Cup and also attack Alberto and Luca with a hose for a few months”

She loves to dance

Wants to get tattoos when she’s older

Very much a feminist and doesn’t care how much trouble she gets in for voicing what she knows is right

---

More on the way probably. These dumb gay Italian fish and their ginger friend is all I think about dhdhjdhdvdh

[ronnie-azumane]

Haikyuu guys as stuff my dad did

This idea has been in my brain for a while, so I'm writing it out. Hope y'all enjoy :)

CW: idn, its pretty wholesome

Daichi answers your frantic phone call home expressing that you forgot your backpack and laptop for college when you went home over the weekend. Expressing that all of your notes are in the backpack, he decides to wake-up extra early Monday morning and make the 2 1/2 hour drive to your university, then drive all the way back to your hometown to go to work.

Sugawara came up with the best hiding spot for you while playing hide and seek at your 7th birthday party. He squeezed you in-between the back of the couch and the back couch cushions. Then, he sat in front of it to conceal the awkward lump it made in the couch. It took the others 30 minutes before giving up and telling you to come out.

Asahi asks you to style his hair for a zoom meeting he has later that day. After some deliberation, you both decide to do a mohawk style. He braces himself as you run off to get the brush, hairspray, hair gel, and hairdryer.

Nishinoya still wears the Annoying Orange shirt you got him when you were in 3rd grade. It's faded and has a giant picture of Annoying Orange on it, which faded from popularity in 2010, but he still wears it. In public.

Tanaka makes the dumbest jokes while in the audience of your colorguard/dance competitions. For example, he asked your mom if he should shout "Go get 'em George" to the group of girls performing to confuse everyone. Another favorite joke o his is to chant "the worm, the worm,, we worship the worm" while the previous team is carrying out their floor.

Ennoshida talks with you as you make one of the biggest changes in your life. Midway through your second semester at university, you determine that business is not for you, however, you do not have a backup plan. Talking with him, you end up changing your major to Geography, and now you love every second of it.

Kageyama drinks the milk out of you cereal. You hate the taste of milk by itself, but you don't want to eat dry cereal. To not waste milk, he drinks it after you finish eating your cereal.

Hinata fails miserably when your mom tells him to reapply the medical glue on your forehead. The day before, your sister threw a wooden block at you, causing a major tear in your head. Your mom took you to the emergency room, but they were busy and it was a school night, so they told her to just take some liquid band aid (which we called glue) and close the wound. Your mom told him to replace the glue, and he took ELMERS GLUE and placed it on the open wound. It hurt like a bitch.

Tsukishima takes you to go see the museum of natural history once a month. He knows you're the odd girl out of your class that would rather play with dinosaurs than dolls, so he takes you to see the dinosaur fossils. He also gets a discount because his place of work donated a significant amount of money and resources to one of the exhibits.

Yamaguchi helped set up your setup once you moved to zoom university. He attached your laptop to a monitor his job had extra, so now you feel like a badass whenever you use the two screens.

Oikawa out of nowhere invites all his high school friends over to stay the week at your house. A trip that probably should have been planned in weeks, even months, is planned in just a weekend. Everyone ends up sleeping on air mattresses and blankets on the floor due to your mom just finishing up replacing the floors in the house (she was not too happy with the sudden trip, but was welcoming anyway)

Iwaizumi makes you watch Godzilla with him whenever it's on TV. Some of his fondest memories include receiving Godzilla themed ornaments from his mom ever Christmas. He also unironically watches those cheesy fan-made Godzilla fights on YouTube for hours on end. Man just likes Godzilla.

Hanamaki and you wear funny hats to a volunteer cookout. The organizers told every one to wear a hat so that their hair didn't get in the food, but you two take it a step further. You wear a banana hat while he wears a hotdog hat.

Matsukawa taught you how to make all kinds of breakfast food at a young age. Whether it was a simple as a fried egg or as complex as French toast, he worked with you until the recipe came out perfect.

Kyotani scares the other parents off when it comes to the silent auction selling the class are projects. Now the shelf you and your kindergarten classmates fingerprinted flowers and bugs on sits proudly in your closet holding crafting supplies.

Ushijima scolds you for leaving the lights on. Most parents do that already, but he takes it to a new extreme. Your mom explains that he would never turn the lights on in his apartment when he was in college and would simply get his homework done before dark. Sometimes, if he had something to do, he would light a candle to finish something up.

Tendou recalls a story in which he stole a bus battery with his buddies to power an air conditioned tent at boy scout camp. He also recalls the year he and his friends tried to build a pool in the wilderness at the same count, only to get caught and reprimanded for it before filling it with water which totally had nothing to do with a camp counselor finding it and having a Vietnam flashback

Goshiki watches anime with you. He always acts like he is uninterested in whatever show is on, but he soon gets super into it and it will be the only thing he talks about for a week.

Kuroo sits at the table with you until 2am working on that math assignment you have been struggling with. You've definitely run out of tears to cry, and had to redo the assignment twice, but he is guiding you through the answers

Yaku isn't a fan of all the pets you and your mom have collected over the years. I mean, in his defense, at one point we had 8 cats an 3 dogs. However, he is also super cuddly with them, always giving them nose boops and belly rubs.

Kenma plays Xbox, Wii, and the ds with you. He doesn't find the bulk of the games you play with him entertaining, but he is willing to run through LEGO Star Wars with you. His personal favorite to play is Mario Kart and he doesn't let you win >:(

Lev is trying to convince the family to let him take the position in Alaska with higher pay. When mom raised the concern that the long winters wouldn't do well for your mental health, his counter argument was, "Yeah, and that sucks, but hear me out. We could have a pet Polar Bear." We didn't move to Alaska

Bokuto was definitely the most enthusiastic dad at the girl scout father daughter dance. He twirled you around in your pretty little JC Penney dress and made sure you two were the center of the dance floor. At one point, he lifted you above his head with each foot in a hand like a cheerleader. Truly terrifying.

Akaashi drives out to the 24-hour pharmacy to pick up some cold medicine when you couldn't sleep due to a stuffy nose. He also checks up on you every hour when you are coughing with some mysterious disease (due to the lack of tests and priority of the high-risk, I will never know if I had Covid when I got sick in late March)

Aone gives you the biggest hug after you get released from the graduation ceremony. He isn't the best with words, so this hug speaks so much to you.

Terushima has been taking you to Mardi Gras in New Orleans since you were a baby. He doesn't care that it's mostly an adult party, he believes that everyone in the family should enjoy a good ol' Mardi Gras

Atsumu carries you on his shoulders all the time when you're small. He just thinks it's the cutest thing.

Osamu makes sure to host a crawfish boil every year. Whether its the neighbors, family, both, or just the household, you can expect some good, spicy crawfish with corn and potatoes whenever he cooks.

Kita teaches you how to drive a stick shift. He's frustrated that you cant move three feet before stalling, but then realizes that the issue was that you were in third gear, not first. He is now impressed that you were even able to start moving at third gear.

Sakusa takes you along with him to work. His job is full of tough men, so when they see him with you in a little blue dress-up tutu and a plastic tiara on your head, their hearts just melt.

[teamsarawatshusband]

Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 4

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

In case you haven't read my previous episode summaries, you should know that I now refer to alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy as Baby Xu (because he gave the name Zhou Xu), Wen Ke Xing is Smirky Xing, Ke Xing's female travelling companion is referred to as purple love of my life (because she rocks).

Alright let’s get started with Episode 4:

:O WHAT? Smirky Xing is qi-gong-balling nuts? Is he the red masked nut guy??? WTF? Is that why he said he's terrifying? Is that why he wasn't there at first during the fight in the dusty place? Waaaahhhh

Aww, he stilll wants Baby Xu and himself to be on first name basis. Giving horses as gifts. He's so determined.

Oooh the beggars caught up. And they openly state they're with 5 Lakes and want to bring the kid back to... some guy, I already forgot. Hmmm. The kid is instantly scared and hides behind Baby Xu. Baby Xu looks worried too. Nobody trusts 5 Lakes. Smirky Xing also doesn't trust them.

Wow, that's a lot of beggars.

Oh no, Smirky Xing insulted the talky beggar guy. And now they wanna fight.

Woahooooo, Baby Xu is pissy at Smirky Xing, but he trusts him to take care of the kid while he throws himself into the fight. Nice.

Less than 6 minutes in and we already have a million times more action than in the last episode. Thank you.

I see what smirky Xing meant when he called Baby Xu elegant. He is a VERY elegant fighter.

Offering nuts again, lol. Doesn't he know that the kid never wants to eat?

But jokes aside, the way Xing and the kid don't even go far but stay close enough to watch shows really well that smirky Xing is super confident in Baby Xu's fighting skills...

Oh no, they broke the alcohol jars, Baby Xu is gonna be so pissed.

And Smirky Xing is kind of an ass, teasing Baby Xu about his promise to keep an eye on the kid, while the beggar is chasing the kid around and Baby Xu is doing all the work.

Ahhh, it's cause he wants Baby Xu to admit that he needs him. Hehe, smart. Evil but clever.

:O The beggars got swords in their sticks! Cheaty little fuckers.

Baby Xu is fighting a bazillion beggars at once, no problem while the kid is almost caught.

Oh no, Baby Xu is mouthbleeding. That's never a good sign.

Oooooh, Smirky Xing notices and instantly steps in. No more teasing.

Oh how the turntables. Baby Xu and the kid flee, while Smirky Xing takes on the beggars. Nice. Sharing the workload. Like good husbands. Smirklord ftw!

Oh no, Baby Xu is worried about being a loser. And now he's doing the smelly meditation thing again. Awww :(

Meanwhile Smirky Xing has killed all the beggars, and it's not even shown on camera. Like... he probably did it with a determined look, some nut throwing and a snap of a finger or something. Impressive.

LOL, the purple love of my life comes on screen, looks around and has this, "Aww, dangit, he's on a killing spree again" look on her face. So this happens a lot, I gather.

She's concerned about the cleanup and the aesthetics, lol. My queen.

Whoa, what's that? Two tied up girls on a boat. And a jerk. I don't even know him but I know that much. Character introduction 101.

Oh wait, my purple love stops him. She knows him. He's one of the mountain ghost guys? And she knows him? There's a connection. That probably means that Smirky Xing really is nut guy. :O :O :O

She's striking a deal. And I didn't catch what she asked jerk guy to do in return for keeping him tying up girls a secret. But he leaves to do it.

Wow, Baby Xu knows how to cook. And offers the fish to the kid. And the kid ACTUALLY TAKES it. Impressive. I thought he hates food.

Ah, no, he spit it out. Okay. My worldview has been restored. And Baby Xu is not a good cook after all, lol.

My purple queen shows up and explains how to cook fish, lol. Yeah, they wish they had her cooking skills.

Oh, and baby Xu actually asks about Smirky Xing's whereabouts and looks longingly towards the boat where my queen points to.

Very lovely scenery, with Smirky Xing plaing the flute on the boat, and the two girls (who were previously tied up, I think, I still suck at recognizing faces) are enjoying his company, preparing drinks and listening.

Clearly Smirky Xing is playing just for Baby Xu. And then jumps off the boat with a flute twirl (clearly a Wei Wuxian fan, and who isn't?!) and then fly-jumps over the water to the beach and Baby Xu.

Heh, tempting Baby Xu with alcohol and good food, Smirky Xing is really trying everything.

LOL, you can't sit with the cool kids Smirky Xing.

But he never gives up and recites poetry again. Okay, now some story about historic white cloth. And a sword. Wait, is the "white cloth" the sword? Oh, and Smirky Xing is hinting that Baby Xu's sword is so bendy that it might be the legendary sword.

Always digging for info. Always noticing everything.

Oooh, Baby Xing compares their relationship to the fish he threw away, calls it "raw/unrequited". Nice pun. BUT, the fish wasn't raw, you literally discussed with the kid that is was cooked through, you little liar. I see what's going on there. Unrequited my ass. Smirklord setting sails.

Baby Xu explains that he doesn't know himself and couldn't care less about knowing Smirky Xing.

Smirky Xing is such a sweet talker. This whole "I hurt when you hurt" spiel... blergh.

He called him "My A-Xu" awww, cute. Also super invasive.

Some dark figure is playing headach inducing music. Huh? What is going on?

My purple queen and the kid are affected and Smirky Xing, stops them from running off by placing his hands on their backs. How? What?

Wait, Baby Xu plays the flute as well???

Everybody's a musician.

Oh, it's a music fight. The acoustic waves are hitting each other.

And the girls on the boats are jumping off, because they don't have Smirky Xing's hands holding them back.

Whooooooo, Baby Xu's flute sound lawnmowers the grass and the other musician down. Nice skills.

Oh, it's an assassination skill. The one that the dark figure used. :O A music assassin!!!

LOL, Baby Xu apologizes for getting Smirky Xing's flute dirty. Honey, he 100% won't mind your spit.

Why is the kid puking? He hasn't even eaten anything. Oh, he's lacking martial arts skills to defend against the attack, got it, got it.

Awwww, the one who dislikes you is the one who is really good to you. Of course you would live by that motto Smirky Xing, you lovesick boy.

Okay, the kid wants to learn martial arts now. Wants to be Baby Xu's disciple. And he's kind of agreeing, even though reluctantly, because he... doesn't wanna look good in front of Ke Xing?

Oh a camp of assassins. Pretty girl assassins. One of them is getting a leg massage. Nice. Being an assassin has perks, it seems. Ooh, and she gets touchy with some victim guy.

Did that guy just kill the several-times-stabbed victim by throwing a bone at his head? lol

Oh, the music assassin is one of this group, k, got it.

What? Smirky Ke Xing playing this special meditation song means he has a pure mind? I'm with Baby Xu, I would never have thought so. So, he's not nuts guy? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Dude, he does NOT look like of pure mind while playing that flute at all. It looks very... not pure. This looks like a mating ritual to me.

Wait, is he telling my purple queen to kill the two girls she saved? I'm so confused.

Aww, he LIKES Baby Xu. Not that it's a surprise. But he admitted it. Heh. And, once again, my purple queen gets it.

Aww, Smirky Xing plays for his boy all night long. And Baby Xu finally gets some rest. Nice.

And Smirky Xing finally gets to sit next to his crush after all.

But he doesn't get to hold his hand yet. I see how it is.

LOL, tough women can't resist clingy men, what? Is Smirky Xing ever talking about anybody other than himself and Baby Xu?

Ahaha, Smirky Xing is such a bad liar. But really good at making Baby Xu feel guilty. Yes, yes, you poor man driven off the boat, aching from all the flute playing, riiiight.

LOL, he ends up the coachman. Nice.

Oh no, the grandparents are fighting nice undies tree master guy and the mini Wangjis. Why can't they be friends?

Why are they all after that stupid glazed armor, this is so annoying.

Oh no, now pleated skirt soldier boss guy is joining in as well. Which side is he picking?

Okay he's fighting the grandparents, but is he on friendly terms with undies tree guy? Because I don't think so. But the mini Wangjis knew him and seemed to trust him. So confusing all of this...

Okay and there's another new guy. In green and gold with a tiny mustache. Is he the one they were supposed to bring the kid to? Ah yes, okay. Uncle Zhao.

Wait, the leader of the something something sect is chased. Who was that? Undies tree master? I need a name chart mind map or something. I should make one and add on to it as I go along.

Anyway, end of episode.

Okay this was interesting, what have I learned? Baby Xu can't get rid of Smirky Xing, no matter what. The kid wants to be his disciple. My purple queen is 100% a smirklord shipper. There's a bunch of assassins out there to hurt... I don't know, everybody, possibly. Everybody seems to want the glazed armor. Except for Baby Xu who just wants to be left alone, and Smirky Xing who just wants Baby Xu. I feel like I'm getting the hang of this. Except I STILL don't know how everybody is truly connected. And Smirky Xing might be nuts guy but also maybe not because he's pure, but I mean, who are you kidding?

Goals for future episodes: I should really actually make that character name chart mind map thing.

Also, we have officially reached the moment, where I wanna continue watching, even though I'm tired and have other stuff to do. I bet the point of no return strikes during the next episode. I can feel it coming.

[youremyonlyhope]

The Halloween Apocalypse

Super sleepy since I haven’t slept since Friday night. And I was on my feet for most of the day and also didn’t eat anything but a few pieces of candy between 8am until right now as I eat dinner. I also have a can of hard seltzer because a coworker gave my team a pack as a present. Yay Doctor Who time!

Also why does it say Encore? I was too tired to look into it earlier because I needed to take a nap. But if I hadn’t been working, could I have watched it at the same time as the Brits and not been slightly spoiled? (Answer: yes. Oh well. I would have been working anyway even if I knew I could have watched it)

“All of this is your fault.” “What do you mean!?” Adorable. Oh you just know the shippers went insane over them landing in bed together. So the one spoiler I saw before remembering the episode was airing in the UK first was that some people are really loving Dan. Let’s see why. Ah leading tours and not a tour guide. Got it. He’s not gonna get that date. That gun looks Time Lord. He’s like a blue Voldemort (I hate to bring up Harry Potter but the lack of nose gives that vibe ok) Ok god... the TARDIS is bleeding... Doctor stop hiding things from Yasmin come on.

Oof ok I regret this hard seltzer already. Hopefully it makes me sleepy enough i just fall asleep the moment this episode is done and sleep through till morning.

WAIT. Wait. I saw this as a sneak peek, but now the adult trick-or-treater looks familiar... hmm... Wow, it’s a furry. Doctor, stop eating things off the floor. That miniature house is cute honestly. “We didn’t receive the warning” Ok that’s one way of running away from your problems... not a good way... but a way... Yeah that’s a lot to wake up to. Being held in a cage by a dog on the spaceship. Oh yay, meeting people in the wrong order again. Claire looks sort of familiar. NO the TARDIS is so sick oh god. Doctor, love, taking people on fun rides isn’t the same thing as letting people in. You know this. Martha complained about this a long time ago. MM MMM NOO. NOPE. NOT A WEEPING ANGEL. No wonder Blink was included in the Doctor Who marathon today, not just because it’s a popular episode. Should I also be scared that Midnight was included? (I say as if I got to watch any of the marathon at all) Yeah I’ve blinked like 30 times so far this scene since my eyes are so dry and tired ugh. Yeah that sucks. It got her. Girl, I don’t know why you didn’t slam the door closed and then blink. Gonna just ignore the name of that outpost since I know it made half the fandom’s brains explode just now. Not acknowledging it. Ok, he looks familiar. Unidentified phenomena is right. That’s not good. Their house on the Arctic is cute. Honestly, after ignoring the warning, they deserve Blue Voldy showing up in the middle of the night. Oh ok she’s a grey Voldy and is in on it. Makes sense. Who’s playing the dog guy by the way? His voice sounds familiar-ish too. ”Do things often go wrong?” Yes.

UGH. DOCTOR WHO. I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER DOING THESE LITTLE MINI PREVIEWS IN THE COMMERCIALS. I’VE BEEN COMPLAINING FOR YEARS. COME ON.

Ah yay, another situation where the alien is actually being nice. God this guy on the outpost looks SO familiar and I can’t tell if I actually know him from something or if he just a type. I think I know... but I don’t wanna say in case I’m wrong Awww he’s leaving his post. Wow. I hope he stays ok. Oh Dan calls her Doc like Graham did... I’m sad. I love the TARDIS door opening in random places, though I know it means she’s sick or something. ”I had a mate who had one of these, I think his was a bit bigger though.” oh my god, if this is supposed to foreshadow Dan knowing a previous Doctor...

WAIT. WAIIIITTT. Did the Weeping Angel purposefully save Claire, or was it just attacking her?

SONTAR-HA. This is an interesting throwback redesign. Blue Voldy has on a power suit on now. Those shoulder pads. This better not be the Master. I know the Master looks burnt sometimes in Old Who. I don’t want the plot twist to be that he’s the Master. Where’s Dhawan!Master please. ”The only thing I can do.” Run? “We’re heading to Earth” Umm no don’t. I’m sure Diane will understand an alien kidnapping and universe ending event as a reason to accidentally stand her up. Ah ok Grey Voldy got her. Never mind. Is it gonna be shaped like the TARDIS or something to confuse it? Ah ok never mind, shielding Earth. They should have thought of that before having to painstakingly move each human one by one. WOAH WAIT. Nothing can get through the TARDIS doors (besides those things from Spyfall) and the flux just threw it open. Not good. Doctor stop hitting the TARDIS with a mallet! OHHHH THE TIME VORTEX. Wow I completely forgot about the 1820 dude until they showed him again just now. Honestly, I was still groggy from my nap that point so I have no memory of his scene. Yep that episode was mostly an intro to the rest of the season I guess.

Also, speak of the devil, now Spyfall is on. Do I rewatch it purely for O... hmmm...

Ok. Now I can google the cast. IT WAS GREY WORM. I KNEW IT. The dreads and me being half asleep made me wonder if I was just imagining that it was him, but it’s Grey Worm! Yay! Well no one else who felt familiar has names that ring any bells for me. Oh well. Yay Grey Worm!

(Rewatching Spyfall as I proofread this and I forgot that the Doctor sends O kisses in the message... adorable)

[funkymbtifiction]

Thank you for the link to a podcast on enneagram 8! It was a bit hard to listen because looks like the quality of the recording is not so good + English is not my native language, but I did it, whoo-ah. After listening to this I think that I resonate with 8 more than with 6 (but I am also pretty sure in not being sx 8, more likely sp/so or so/sp), but I have some thoughts, both related to the podcast directly and not so much, and I want to ask you about this parts.

1) The 8s participated in this podcast were talking much about their awareness of the emotional state of the people around them, like they feel people's energy with their body and read their body language with ease. And I resonate and do not resonate with it at the same time. I really feel like I have an extra sensory system that allows me to sense unique "vibes" of people - their dress style, their manners of moving and speaking and some other details makes a quite solid energy pattern, but it's more of analyzing the personality and image at the whole, not particular moods and thoughts. I can sense a potential personality of the person, and also I can sense that something is wrong if the vibes have changed heavily, but I am very bad in recognizing particular moods and working with this information, often missing the emotional atmosphere right here and now. Looks like I have the same ability to feel people's energy, but don't have the same level of empathy and emotional intelligence as the people from the podcast. Can it be covered by the fact that I am an ENTP, because as far as I know low empathy is a common struggle for ENTP?

It could be, yeah. Also, it may be those 8s all had Se in their stack. I know Emika is an ESTP. Se helps with tuning in and feeling people on an impacting level. Ne is working with abstract tangibles, not raw data.

2) Also, not directly related to the podcast but somewhat connected to the energy sensitivity stuff. YouTube have recommended me a video with funny horses, and I got very cp6 vibes from these animals. Horses really look a lot like cp6 reactiveness for me - most of the time they look like super confident, strong and even slightly show-offish in some cases, but being herbivores, they are secretively very anxious and alert, and many horses react on unexpected stuff in a "no-no-no, f**k this sh*t, I am out!" manner, even if the reasons for them being scared is absolutely stupid. And it makes me feel more like 8 over 6, because I don't resonate with this horses' trait at all, and at the same time, when discussing "what animal are you most like?" stuff with my friends for fun, I have mostly been compared with bears, orcas, honey badgers and big birds of prey like grey owls and eagles - my friends often claim that I am observant to an edge of being a wallflower when tired/bored, but also highly playful and positive in a good mood, and at the same time I definitely would be ready to kick asses if I would need to. I am also a fan of the 'His Dark Materials' books and a part of the fandom sub-community which uses the concept of daemons from this books as a personality typing system, and a few weeks ago I have finally choosen a sea eagle for my daemon. To you opinion, would horses for cp6 and other mentioned animals for 8 be valid comparisons?

Uh. I guess? I mean... I know a cp6 cat and an 8 cat, and the 8 cat beats the shit out of other cats and then attacks any human that tries to intervene, whereas the cp6 cat acts like an 8 but it’s all “bluffing” and she will hide in her house for three days after she’s had a scare. So... there’s that. LOL IMO, it’s best to compare yourself with humans. ;)

3) Also about personal energy. There were a discussion of the fact that 8's have a tendency to carry a lot of energy which is sometimes even too much. But is it possible for a 8, who have been desintegrated for a long time, to feel like their inner "energy generator" is somewhat like broken? I can remember having this high energy in childhood and partly in high school (I had two detached periods of clear desintegration in my life), but now I feel like my inner generator needs to be heavily repaired before it would work in it's normal mode again, and now it's only capable on either working much less effectively than usually, or give burst of energy until it would crack and stop working for some time. Plus, it has never been high energy in terms of "I can be constantly busy and do 100500 things at a time" as some of my friends are, it's more like being highly endurant, "if I wish I can go the whole equator on foot and you better just deal with it", but also not being quick to react.

Think about your type and what stimulates you. You are a Ne-dom, not a Se-dom or a Fe-dom or a Te-dom. What stimulates a Ne-dom? A constant influx of abstract sensations, new ideas, and discussion of intangibles. How much of this do you regularly get in the outside world? Not much. Si inferior: navigating the sensory world, holding sensory discussions, and going places, doing things, is exhausting since... it’s an inferior function. Make sense? Ne-doms are “high brain energy” not “high body energy.”

4) [no real question]

5) Related to the influence and being the boss stuff. Is it normal for a 8 to not want being in charge, preferring freedom and control of their own life and only their own, combined with heavy "justice fighter" instinct? As I already said in my previous ask, I am not ambitious. I have some goals that require hard work, but I am not going to be a boss of any sort. All this administrative stuff, bureaucracy, paper work, negotiations... It's all so boring!

And there you’ve head-butted up against the fact that 90% of 8s are Te-doms. And what are Te-doms anyway? Workaholics. What do Te-doms want, regardless of being 8 or something else? Competency in the workplace. How do they get it? By being the boss. Etc. Can still be an 8 and an ENTP and lacking Te, you wouldn’t likely want the “boring” responsibility of being the boss and pushing papers all day long.

Or you could be a 7w8 who is over-identifying with their 8 wing who really just wants FREEDOM.

[nellied-reviews]

Box 953 Re-listen

Well, I got a bit side-tracked by life (seriously, I had to take an impromptu trip to a consulate!) but I am back, and just in time for episode 8 of Wolf 359:

Box 953

In which Eiffel finds a mysterious box, Hilbert really wants to avoid the quarterly talent show and Minkowski is the very model of a modern major general.

Sometimes I'm surprised by these episodes when I get back round to them. This one? Not so much. I think I actually remembered pretty much everything relevant about this episode, going into it: Eiffel is avoiding Minkowski, finds a mysterious box, the mysterious box gets blown up before we see what’s inside it.

And in general, I do like the episode a lot. It's funny, after all, and it does that thing that I'm noticing a lot on the re-listen where the show throws out a big weird mystery, then ends up dropping it with a theatrical shrug of the shoulders. It's a smart thing to do, because all of the unanswered questions ("Do those transmissions really come from Earth?", "There's a plant monster on the loose!", "What's with that weird voice?", "What's in the box?") could be answered in the future, but could just as easily not be. Sure, some of them are super important and interesting in hindsight. But burying the plot-relevant questions under a heap of less relevant but equally intriguing questions disguises them, and means that we're surprised when something like, say, that weird ghost voice comes back later on. Plus it creates the impression that the Hephaestus itself is a setting full of mysteries and weird things. Which is fun.

As we begin, though, all we know is that Eiffel, for whatever reason, is hiding from Minkowski in a store room. Why? Turns out, Minkowski is worryingly invested in their quarterly talent show, while Eiffel is... less than enthusiastic.

And look, I am easily pleased. The idea of the four crew members being forced to participate in a mandatory talent show is very funny to me. The fact that this is quarterly - and so they have, presumably, already suffered through several of them - makes me smile a lot. Eiffel and Hilbert being united in their dread of it? Awesome. I love it. Honestly, it makes me want to consume and/or write fanfic about the Hephaestus' previous talent shows, and the shenanigans that I just know must have been involved.

An another level, though, can we also stop to appreciate how seriously Minkowski takes it all? It's played for laughs throughout, sure, but I do like the fact that Minkowski is the sort of person to go all out and just unselfconsciously embrace the talent show. Her love of musical theatre is so joyful and pure, and I really appreciate it. I think, on some level, it even makes her a more interesting character; instead of going down the well-trodden "I'm a badass with a secret love of something cheesy, which I'm horribly embarrassed of" route, she goes for "I'm a badass with totally non-secret love of something cheesy, which I am totally open and unashamed of." It's a sign of self-confidence, I think, plus a reassuring reminder that Commander Minkowski, badass extraordinaire, nerds out just as hard as the rest of us. (Plus, you really can't be a fan of G&S and take yourself all that seriously, because come on...)

Anyway, the conversation Minkowski and Eiffel then have, and Eiffel's ensuing log entry is just enough to give some tantalising hints of what past talent shows have involved (smoke rings? poetry readings?) before Hilbert calls Eiffel, desperate to avoid the talent show. And his solution? Knock Minkowski out. Because it's Hilbert, so of course that's the answer. *Sighs*.

While Hilbert gets going with that, then, all that remains is for Eiffel to explore the store room. And while this isn’t super relevant, it is a great excuse for a Night Vale-style list of Improbable Weird Things. And seriously, pretty much every single object here is worthy of mention. We have eyeless Russian dolls straight out of a horror movie. We have letters to Santa, a revelation whose implications are both hilarious and baffling. We have Chekhov's cannon, which totally won't be relevant later in the episode.

And in among all this, Eiffel mentions Goddard Futuristics by name for the very first time, which actually surprised me. I thought they'd already come up, since in hindsight, they really do have their fingers in everything going on up on the Hephaestus, even in the first few episodes. But I guess this is their first official mention? And to be fair, I do remember assuming, early on, that this was a military mission. So this is probably the point where we are aware, for the first time, of the corporate context of it all, and the fact that it's Goddard who are basically running a for-profit private army here. Which is... fun.

The dystopian side of that is brushed aside here, though, in favour of just revelling in the out-there weirdness of all the stuff that Goddard have stored up on the Hephaestus. L-shaped Lego pieces? 3 suits of armour? The partial skull of megafauna specimen 58 "to be handled with a vague feeling of existential dread"? It's Warehouse 13, in space! 

It's also kind of heartening to see how excited Eiffel is by all this. Like, I know that he essentially got forced to go to space, but he really does have the sense of adventure for it. There's something very sweet about how not-jaded and enthusiastic Eiffel gets, as soon as he encounters something new. And then the plot thickens when he discovers the titular Box 953, which is reserved for Douglas Eiffel. What could possibly be in it? Eiffel, ever curious, is clearly desperate to know.

Before we find out, of course, we're interrupted by Hilbert, whose plan to knock Minkowski out has hone horribly wrong - he's just gotten her drunk. Even better, we get Minkowski's drunken rendition of "I am the very model of a modern major general" in the background during all of this, and kudos to Emma Sherr-Ziarko, because every single thing drunk!Minkowski says from here on out is amazing. From making pirate costumes, to nearly shooting Hilbert over ice cream, to the little hiccup she does, everything about Minkowski here is perfect and wonderful.

It doesn't distract Eiffel for long, though, and soon he's asking Hera what's in the box. She doesn't know, though, and actually can't access those files at all. Instead, she gets the message "Error, inappropriate security clearance", which is pretty creepy. It's the second time in as many episodes, after all, that we hear somebody who isn't Hera speaking through the Hephaestus, and it's a reminder of just how many secrets the station potentially holds. And so all we learn, in the end, is that Box 953 is weird. It's huge, and bolted in place, and it's cold to the touch. Plus it's making a heart beat kind of sound? It's at this point, I noticed, that the background music also cuts away, and we’re left with a weird crackling noise as Eiffel goes to open it. Spooky.

Every part of me was expecting this to be a Pandora's box-type scenario where Eiffel's opening the box would unleash something terrible and all hell would break loose. So when we hear something explode, it seems like confirmation of this... except when we cut back to Eiffel, several in-universe hours later, we learn that the problem wasn't Eiffel opening the box. In fact, Eiffel didn't manage to open the box; the explosion was from Minkowski setting off the cannon. It seems like a lot happened in the three hour gap in the recording (not least, Minkowski ended with burns and frostbite?) and as a result, Box 953 was lost to the vacuum of space. Bummer.

And then that's it. Episode over. Everyone is safe and well, and the station is fine. But we don't learn what was in the box, and I don't think it really come up again? I googled it, and I think I saw a suggestion that it's the simulation-y machine from Change of Mind? But I don't remember the connection really being commented on, and even then it doesn't explain why it's specifically Eiffel's name on the box now. Like... what situation would Command have been expecting him to use it in? Why? How? So many questions, all of them unanswered!

And I suppose that's fine, at the end of the day. I enjoyed this episode, I loved the talent show idea, and I didn't mind the weird storeroom bits. I can imagine that some people probably felt cheated by the lack of answers we got here - and Eiffel's own anger and frustration as the episode ends maybe feels like a concession to those people. But personally, I'm more than willing to leave it as a riddle for the ages. If this had developed into something more later on, that would have been fun. As it is, I didn't mind it one bit, though. As long as you don't overdo it, weirdness for weirdness' sake can be plenty entertaining. 

Plus, drunk Minkowski is a gift to us all :)

Miscellaneous thoughts:

So I checked out the poem that got name-dropped in this episode, Sylvia Plath's Lady Lazarus, and holy smokes, disturbing much? In an interesting kind of way, sure, but still disturbing...

"You can't solve all your problems by knocking them out." "You know, people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away."  

D'awww Hilbert is enjoying this, isn't he?

I bet your alcohol tolerance goes way down in space. Hmm...

"Eiffel, you do not understand, there is singing."

"Swashes and buckles, Hilbert, swashes and buckles."

Also, it sounds like Hera has absolutely no objections to the talent show, and is just busy practicing her lines? What a cutie ^-^

"I don't know if it was a warning shot or if she just missed." Scared Hilbert is 100% not what I'm used to.. Is this the most frightened we ever hear him?

Don't think I missed Eiffel finding Dr. Fourier's diary :'( (another thing linking this episode to Change of Mind?)

[psychovigilantewrites]

Chapter 8 - Absence

Pairing: Jason Todd/Reader

Word Count: 3,128 words

TW: Violence and Gore.

A/N:  Hi guys!! Sorry for the super long wait! I've had writers block for the longest time and also life gets in the way, as usual. This one's a short one, sort of a transition into the next chapter- which will definitely be more intense! Thanks for being so patient with me as usual. 

 Read the previous chapters of Red Who? here: Masterlist

Normal people would probably compare what you felt to some time when they were a kid, where one of their parents surprised them with some sort of wish they always had. A trip to Disneyland or that red bicycle they’ve always wanted.

Or maybe to a time where some crush said they liked them back after a confession, or even being offered a cookie by a new friend.

Whatever it was, those were everyone else’s comparison.

You didn’t have any great childhood memories to refer to the feeling you felt right now. But the closest would be the first time Bruce ever said “Good job” to you.

Your first kiss wasn’t all that you expected it to be. To be fair, you didn’t really expect much from a first kiss. To you, it was all unnecessary distraction from the things that mattered.

But Jason didn’t make you feel that way. He made you feel giddy and excited, he made you feel like you were being pulled upwards by a whole bunch of colorful helium balloons.

But then you walked inside the manor, changed into your Robin uniform, and started to approach Bruce who was at the Bat computer.

“What are you doing?” he scrutinized you.

“I’m ready to go?” you hesitated, before mentally slapping yourself. You suddenly remembered your fall out yesterday, bursting your bubble of joy before. He was still mad at you. Of course he was, you hadn’t done anything to fix it.

Yet you felt like you didn’t need to apologize.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he gave you a cold look that made you feel like shrinking, “You disobeyed a direct order last night. I can’t just ignore it.”

“I went with my instinct, Bruce,” you tried to reason with him, “You always said to-”

“No, you went because you are fixated on him,” Bruce cut you off and glared at you. A look you’ve never been on the receiving end of.

“What? What are you talking about?” you sputtered, taken aback by his remark.

“I don’t know why, but you’re fixated on the Red Hood,” he continued, “You went and disobeyed me because you wanted to see him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bruce,” you retorted, straightening your back into a cold stance, “You’re talking as if I have a crush on him.”

“Do you?” he demanded, “I know for a fact that you hide things from me regarding your encounters with him.”

“How dare you assume that of me, Bruce,” you coldly replied, despite the nervousness of getting caught. You needed to shift the blame to him somehow.

“Then why?” he urged, “You have never before disobeyed me. Why do you always get excited when he’s involved?”

“I get excited because it’s exciting!” you argued, “He’s a new criminal who came out of nowhere, taking over the underground in the span of a couple of weeks! Who wouldn’t be?”

“Do you know who he is?” Bruce suddenly asked.

“No. That’s what I’ve been asking you, remember? How dare you accuse me of hiding things from you when you’re the one who refuses to trust me enough to tell me who he is,” you ranted, finding a way to finally shift the blame on him to reduce your own faults.

“I don’t-”

“Don’t lie to me, Bruce. A guy who randomly appears and fucks shit up, knows everything about the both of us, our identities probably included- don’t tell me you out of all people haven’t figured it out. So why haven’t you told me?”

“Because I don’t want to believe it myself!” he yelled, making you jump slightly at the sudden change in volume.

You stared at him for a few moments, before saying, “Who is he, Bruce?”

He clenched his jaw.

“Do you want to patrol or not?”

“Yes,” you stated.

“Fine,” he sighed, turning away from you, “But you stick by me the whole time. If he happens to appear, you stay in the Bat-mobile.”

“But-”

“Do you want me to put you under house arrest?”

“Fine,” you admitted defeat.

***

You honestly thought the decapitated heads on spikes were the worst you’ve seen, and that the next bad thing would wait at least more than a week before it threw itself at you.

But there you were, mouth slack in shock at the scene before you.

It was a bright night in Robinson Park, coincidentally where you were earlier, the moon was full and there were no clouds blocking its gentle light. The additional lights that the GCPD brought also gave plenty of illumination that fell onto the three bodies hanging on tree branches.

All male, all naked, all hanged by the neck with a rope. Purple faced and tongues lolling out, you were thankful for taking Dick’s advice by expecting the worst. Yet, it still shocked you.

Because if it were just three people hanged by the neck, you wouldn’t have batted an eye. But this time, there were three people hanged by the neck, their bellies slashed open horizontally, intestines spilling out and trailed all over the well kept grass like large alien worms bursting out.

And along with the gruesome scene, of course, came the smell. It wasn’t just the metallic smell of blood this time. It was closer to the smell at the club the first time you met Red Hood. A mix of blood and feces and urine. Thankfully, it was outdoors with plenty of ventilation.

“Batman,” Gordon huffed when he saw the two of you approaching. Batman rushed to arrive to the scene when he heard the traffic on the police radio. The crime scene was already taped off, forensics were everywhere, flashing lights from their cameras as they took pictures of the bodies.

As you got closer, you could see in detail how the bodies looked like. The gashes were clean, you could see the layers of skin, fat, and muscle that made up the cross section of the gash. Hell, you could even see the bits of fascia and peritoneum that were damaged by the trauma.

“Black Mask’s men,” Batman pointed out without hesitation.

“Yeah,” Gordon sighed, “Like I said before, gang war. Red Hood himself must have done this. Looks like we’ve got another sadistic bastard running around. This was done to them while they were alive.”

You grimaced.

“What we think is rope fibres were found underneath the nails, so they were struggling and scratching at it to escape before they got strangled to death,” Gordon continued, “We still gotta wait for forensics, but I bet my money the coroner’s report is going to confirm it. He must have had them stand on the park table here, tied the noose around their necks, gutted them, and then pushed them down. The momentum from the fall must have forced the intestines to spill like this.”

You had to hand it to Red Hood, he was very theatrical. If you weren’t so disgusted by his lack of empathy, you would have perhaps thought that his works were art.

“How do you know it was him?” you voiced out.

“There isn’t anyone else that have the guts to directly attack Black Mask,” Gordon explained, “I don’t think these would be the last bodies we find.”

True enough, the week after that, another two bodies were found in a similar state, but this time, you noticed the nail of one of the men’s pinky fingers were pulled out. A piece of information that you didn’t know you stored at the back of your mind came to resurface.

When it came to torture for information by denailing, if the victim could handle getting one nail pulled out without breaking, they most probably could handle it all. The strongest ones are the ones with all their nails pulled out- which meant that they probably did not reveal anything.

Judging from the body before you, you guessed that Red Hood probably got whatever information he was looking for.

And if he did, why did he have to kill them both in such a way?

Truly, you couldn’t comprehend his love for cruelty.

You stuck with Batman on the days you patrolled, as per his orders. You weren’t allowed to go on your own anymore until you gained his trust again. Not that it mattered, because even though you were investigating a string of Red Hood’s bloody murders- he was on his twenty-third victim by then- you didn’t get to meet the culprit himself.

He was keeping to the shadows, yet making his presence still loud and clear by leaving bodies everywhere.

You didn’t want to admit your disappointment.

Red Hood wasn’t the only one leaving bodies, though. Black Mask also was under investigation for retaliating by attacking and murdering Moehler’s men, though less creatively and dramatic.

Before you realised it, Gotham City was in the midst of a gang war that Gordon had predicted those weeks ago.

After a particularly exhausting patrol on a Saturday night involving yet another one of Red Hood’s victims, you laid on your bed, and stared at the ceiling. You glanced at your phone- no notifications.

It had been approximately 3 weeks since your kiss with Jason, and it was the last time you saw him. He had been texting you less and less, despite it all. The last message you sent him a week ago read was just a GIF of a Shiba Inu’s backside while it walked. You didn’t want to seem desperate.

You probably scared him off. I told you so, Mother said.

You pushed her away like you always did.

You tried to not overthink it. Perhaps he was busy with getting into the police force, perhaps he didn’t feel like talking to anyone, because God knows even you have long periods of time where you wanted to just shut out the world.

You tried to be understanding and patient.

But you still couldn’t help but think about him. His smooth voice, how sexy he sounded when he swore. His grunts and moans of pleasure over the phone. And his lips. How they felt against yours, how they would feel in between your legs. You always noticed his smell too.

His cologne, fabric softener, the smell of leather and… fireworks. You didn’t know why. But his smell reminded you of fireworks.

But you were restless. And Jason wasn’t the only one that was on your mind.

You hadn’t seen Red Hood for about as long, too. It irritated you. For some reason Red Hood felt like an itch on your back that you just couldn’t reach far enough to scratch. As the nights went by without hearing from Jason, you strangely thought of Red Hood more.

Especially at night when you were alone in bed.

You wondered about him. Some reasonable, some completely random. Where was he from? Did he have siblings? Does he play music inside that helmet of his? He looked like the heavy metal type, but you entertained the idea of him humming along to Taylor Swift while he gutted men.

What was wrong with you? You were unintentionally humanising him, giving him more meaning and sentimentality than he deserved.

But most importantly, you had a feeling that he was preparing for something, in addition to the gang war he started. You didn’t have any evidence. It was just your gut. And you trusted your gut, no matter what Bruce said.

Shit.

You started to think that Bruce was right. You felt like you were beginning to be obsessed with him. You groaned into your pillow before trying your best to fall asleep and not think about Red Hood’s flexing biceps.

***

The familiar lurch of the batmobile going from stationary to full speed never failed to excite you to your core.

Both you and Batman were on your usual patrol in Otisburg District, before hearing a large explosion just a few blocks away. He frequented the district a lot, since The Stacked Deck was overtaken by Red Hood, it made sense to patrol in the area.

You wanted to patrol in the area. It meant the chances of meeting him was higher. Not that it mattered, because Batman was still keeping you on a tight leash.

What you didn’t expect, though, was to see the club itself engulfed in flames.

You hacked a cough the moment you exited the batmobile, the soot and smoke enveloping the area in heavy clouds. People were running in the opposite direction, away from the building. If there was anyone inside the club, it was too late to save them now. The alcohol must have contributed to the rapid burning, and somewhere along, a gas pipe must have burst, because the roof and part of the outer walls were in ruins already from the explosion you heard before.

The fire department came. You saw the familiar face from all those weeks ago. Parks, was it? The cute one. You saw him order his men around and climbed onto the lift with a hose. You overheard someone say it was going to take them more than just a couple of hours to extinguish the fire.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m already here,” you heard a voice behind you, “Yes, sir. No, sir. With all due respect Mr. Mayor, you don’t just stop a gang war- understood, sir.”

You turned around and saw a very distressed Commissioner walking towards the two of you. He was on the phone, his other hand pressing at his temples.

“Understood sir,” he huffed, ending the call, “Batman.”

“Commissioner,” Batman nodded.

“Of course you got here first,” he sighed, “I’ve already told my people to pull up the traffic cameras and every other CCTV nearby- which you probably already have access to. Whatever it is, I put my money that Black Mask did this.”

“Of course it is,” you rolled your eyes, not that Gordon could see them behind your white lenses.

“Oh, I also have another update,” Gordon suddenly remembered, “Regarding the Gotham University Public Library case. According to the two we caught, there is a third. He managed to get away. Jerome Miller, 8 cases of arson, 11 attempted arson, 2 theft- but I guess it’s below your paygrade, Batman. Hey, do you even get paid?”

“Where is he now?” you interrupted, feeling your blood boil at the mention of one of the people who burned down your safe haven.

“We put an APB on him. He’ll turn up eventually. But we have bigger things to deal with now,” Gordon explained, “Red Hood will retaliate. And soon. God have mercy on whoever he gets his hands on next.”

*** It was hard to wish for God to have mercy on whoever Red Hood gets his hand on next, especially since the victim this time was none other than Black Mask himself, who has killed and tortured hundreds.

But when you saw the state of Black Mask’s body, you found yourself taking back that thought.

His mask was a feet away from his body, which was still positioned in a sitting position on his leather armchair, facing the massive window of his office building which showed the city skyline. His face?

On his desk behind him.

Literally. His face was skinned messily, clumsily, and then placed on the glass desk behind him in a mound of bloody flesh. Red Hood did not take his time to skin Roman Sionis’ face off, that’s for sure.

Sionis had his neck slashed ear to ear, his carotids and jugular sliced through.

“Did he-” you started, “Did Red Hood do this to him alive?”

“We would need blood test results for that,” Batman said next to you, taking out a syringe to extract blood from the body. Where he kept it? You didn’t ask. You didn’t know he carried around a syringe and a vial to take blood.

“If the forensics saw you,” you giggled.

“Good thing they’re too slow,” Batman smirked.

He actually smirked.

You felt inappropriately happy, given the scene before you, but Batman had been cold to you these past few weeks. This was a step to him getting over it.

You heard people approaching.

“Jesus Christ!” you heard Gordon’s muffled voice behind the door. Probably counting the 31 dead security on his way up and outside.

“Let’s go,” Batman commanded, pushing open the door right before Gordon opened it.

“Batman-”

“I’ve got what I need,” he simply said and walked away, with you giving Gordon an apologetic smile and following behind him.

***

“Positive for suxamethonium chloride,” Bruce announced from the Cave computer as you walked towards him, freshly cleaned and changed.

“What?” you asked.

“Roman Sionis’ blood has traces of suxamethonium chloride, a neuromuscular-blocking drug,” he explained, “Induces paralysis for about ten minutes.”

“Jesus,” you whispered, “Red Hood injected him with that, and then peeled his face off while he couldn’t move?”

“Yes.”

“And does this sucks- suxo-”

“Suxamethonium chloride,” Bruce helped you.

“Yes, that,” you rolled your eyes, “Is it like, an anesthesia as well?”

“No,” Bruce replied, “Only a muscle relaxant. It’s used to perform quick medical interventions in emergency departments. When a muscle relaxant is induced, doctors would have the patient under a ventilator, since the diaphragm is also paralysed. But Red Hood did not have a ventilator, meaning Black Mask did not only feel the pain while he was being skinned, but was also suffocating.”

“Good thing he didn’t use a ventilator, though,” you shrugged, “At least since he couldn’t breathe, he would have passed out after a few minutes.”

“I see you have gotten used to his methods,” Bruce commented.

“What do you mean?” you frowned.

“You used to be more surprised after learning Red Hood’s brutal rituals,” Bruce pointed out.

Huh. He was right.

“I guess so,” you responded, “I would have had to get used to them eventually. Plus, it’s not like Black Mask was a saint, either. He deserved what he got.”

“We are not the ones who decides who deserves what,” Bruce reminded you.

“Just saying,” you shrugged again, “I’m heading to bed. Night, Bruce.”

“Hmm.”

You lied in bed that night, for the first time not thinking about how brutal Red Hood was. You just wish you could see him already. The past few weeks- for some reason you felt lonely. You felt like you were being deliberately ignored by someone you wanted attention from- while they were still flaunting their presence to you.

You missed him.

Fuck.

You finally realised that you missed the fucking asshole. Were you so bored that you were now craving the sight of a criminal?

Where was he, anyway?

You scoffed.

Right. Probably celebrating. With Black Mask gone, you just remembered- that Red Hood was now technically the ruler of the underworld.

[mariemarvelbear]

It’s you

Avengers x Reader

Warning: Angst.So much Angst.Slow burn angst.Abuse.Mention of rape.Brainwashed.ANGST.Blood.Torture.Swearing.Kidnapping.

Boo Note: Hello Everyone!It’s been a while.I’m so sorry for not uploading and leaving this book with a cliffhanger (sorta) chapter. For everyone’s knowledge, I’m a student nurse in which I was heavily consumed with my school works with the previous months.But now,unfortunately- As we face this global pandemic, I hope everyone of you out there are doing okay, better and well. Please continue practicing proper hand washing and refrain from touching your gorgeous face. In light of this, As we have some time to ourselves (which we are blessed with), Let us use this time to do things we’ve always wanted to do, try and finish.Like I’ll try to do with this loooooong and overdue book. All light and love, -Boo.

Part 27

When Bruce opened the door there was something that made him nervous, the team in tow. It could have been a tincture of the wrong aroma, or the temperature being too cold - like a window had been opened in their absence. He wasn't sure, but he knows they’re in the right place. He looked back, Tony and Steve’s eyes looking at him – their eyes red from the fight and the tears flowing freely. Tony put off his face plate up and looked at Steve; without speaking any further, he put it down as Steve stood and threw his shield away, taking his place next to Tony.

 “Who’s there? Please.” You cried, feeling vulnerable as you tried taking off the restraints that was already cutting your wrists because of how tight your husband built it. “’Kael? What’s going on? Please. Get me out, get me out, get me out!” You whimpered, new set of tears flowing as you felt the throbbing of your head. Whatever Korvac injected in your bloodstream a few hours ago, was taking its effect just yet and you were starting to feel its adverse effects. You sat down, your restraints allowing you, as the long chains let you drag yourself in the corner of the massive room, the feeling of uneasiness and nausea crawling into you.

Bruce was the first to look at you, they were all hiding behind the tall divider inside your quarter; and hearing your voice made all of them weak to their knees. It was you. They’re finally here to save you yet you didn’t know you needed saving.

“Eve?It’s me.It’s us.” Clint couldn’t take it anymore; the waiting game was killing him just like the rest of them. You looked back at him with a hollowness and a lack of emotion or seeming recognition; You were cold and distant and nothing like the last time he had seen you. You were so different yet same. He couldn’t point it out, maybe it was your hair color- your hair was always been blonde, two shades lighter than Steve’s. You had waves that mimicked the ocean, but now you had perfect ebony colored ringlets piled on your head with a few soft spirals about your face. Your skin was back to it’s porcelain tone- just like when you were younger, or maybe even paler- very different with your tanned skin as you get more involved in the field work, five years ago, He couldn’t believe it. “Do you remember me? Us?” The fire in your eyes was now gone, lost in the restraints placed on you and the sedatives coursing through your veins that was now controlling your mind.

 “Eve.” Tony’s eyes were wide, he couldn’t believe it. Tony’s heart began to race at the sight, frightened of what they may have done to you. His hand shot up over his mouth, trying to keep control of his nerves as he felt his heart begin to race and pound inside his chest.  “Eve…” With a quick glance around the room, you saw that everyone’s eyes were on you, and it quickly fell into place that they had all known exactly what was going to happen.  

You screamed. Shrieking as you felt the pain ten times more, but more so that you were surrounded by people you didn’t know. What bothered you more was that your mind and heart was at ease, you didn’t feel the urge to fight and get away from them. You could feel that they didn't mean harm,and it felt that they were desperate for something-anything, and there was a small part of you that wanted to give it to them.

“Who are you?” You sniffed, your eyes starting to droop as the serum was taking its effect. “I’m not Eve.”

“You are.” You quickly looked to your right, where a blonde man stood tall and up front, a while ago he was behind the others who were looking at you.He didn’t had the courage to go up front like Tony nor Clint, but when he heard you dismiss the others that was calling you your real name, Steve had to interfere.And now, here he is-looking at you directly with his ocean like eyes boring into your black one’s. Steve’s face turned immediately white as a sheet, as if he had seen a ghost.  To him, he had.  The tower crumbled around him five years ago, burying them under it as it fell, and you being taken by the deity that was now laying unconscious in the hall.  He watched you fall into the floor as you were tossed into a floating vehicle,  they did everything they could to bring you back as soon as possible but SHIELD said that it was a hopeless case, that you were unrecoverable and gone.  To everyone you had ever known, you were dead; but somehow, by some miracle, here you were.

“I’m Eve?” You whispered, the name felt foreign to your lips but not to your mind. But before you can even ask anything back- You were taken by darkness, a few calls of your name were all you heard before giving into it. Steve was quick to catch your head before it could even hit the floor-trying to sit you up, Tony and Clint quickly helping as they took your restraints.

“FRIDAY” Tony called out “Is it her?Double check this time.” Tony knew they couldn’t be anymore wrong,Of course this was you- But he had to make sure. “ 100% Accurate, Boss. Checking DNA…” Tony was about to stop the AI, he wanted to smack himself as to why he even had to ask the AI,but Steve looked at him reassuringly. He knew Tony just wanted to be sure,he knows they wouldn't be able to survive it anymore if this was still yet-a trap. “It matches her medical records back at the tower and in my data, Boss.”

 “Check vitals.” Tony muttered, not taking is eyes off of you-scared that this might be just his dream and you’re still gone.

“Mama!Mama!” A little voice called out, No one wanted to look where that sound came from-their hearts afraid to ever find out why there was that voice in the first place. “Mama?” Sequoia lisped, his pink lips trembling once more as he saw your figure unconscious and was mainly held by Steve to at least support you. “Do you know them?” He chirped, his confused eyes gazing at Wanda as the witch lifelessly stared at you. “Are they good too?” He continued, his eyes with the deepest shade of the earth, just like his mother- now boring onto Tony’s wide ones. He gripped onto Wanda’s leg, now puzzled and uneasy as he received worried and confused stares from the entire team.  Scott gasping as he turned into a regular size man, walking his way closer to the little guy. “Who are you?” He mumbled, hiding behind Wanda and Natasha’s legs. “Auntie Wana,,,,Auntie Nat.” His grip to their bottoms were tighter, Wanda swiftly soothed his back“It’s okay.They’re Mama’s friends too.” Wanda answered back, lips quivering “They just want to know you more. Like we did. Is that okay?” He carefully nodded, wobbling closer to Scott as his chubby fingers made its way to his parted lips-biting onto his nails. Scott caught him as he stumbled, offering his hand to be taken by the little guy- quickly grasping onto it as Scott dare look at him closer. It was no joke, he looked exactly like you, his hair was golden like yours-but had softer waves, his eyes doe as yours also possessing that pristine stones of emerald  irises; he had a button nose, maybe a pointier one but when you look at him-All they can see was you. And that terrified them.

Natasha’s already red eyes looked at Steve, the blonde now staring onto her as to tell her that what they were seeing was a lie. A tear fell as Natasha regretfully nodded. “He was the one screaming.” Steve’s attention immediately shifted from appreciation to outright fear, his eyes practically bulging from his head as he realized what a fatal error was done to you.

“Is Mama okay? Auntie Wana?” Sequoia chirped, his eyes now going back to you as Wanda followed. Closing her eyes, a sigh of relief escaped her lips as she felt a sign of life in your weak body-Her eyes shooting wide as she felt a weak heartbeat, and then a weaker one.

“Baby!Baby!Is baby okay?!” Before she can even ask or even look at you, Sequoia ran towards you as he placed his tiny chubby hands onto your growing bump-now evident to everyone’s eyes.

A mouthful of curses left Bucky and Tony’s mouth, Thor turning away as he went towards Korvac’s still unconscious body-ready to behead him; Scott ready to follow and assist-with Pietro already ahead of them. Sequoia moved his knees like hinges, wobbling as he innocently placed his hand on top of Steve’s grasp onto your shoulder, not knowing the effect to the super soldier. “Help mama, plwease?” The child begged, tears flowing onto his reddened cheeks as quiet whimpers were heard-mainly from Wanda.

Steve’s focus from your swollen belly was shifted to the lingering stare of the child that still held his chubby hand atop of his.He didn’t know how to respond, no one knew how. Of course, he wanted to help you, and he will-they will. But it was just too much. Before entering the castle nor the quinjet, everyone knew that they shouldn’t expect anything anymore. Five years of waiting, hoping and praying to all the Gods that you were alive and safe took its toll on everyone. When Wanda and Natasha came running to the room, a file in their hand-just like Scott did, with the others telling that it’s okay, that they should do it-they should push through it for one final time.  So, they did, but some of them knew in their hearts that five years was too long for someone to just resurface without bearing anything odd, new-something that would shake them to their core. And this, the golden boy in the center of the group- you, lying unconscious and your growing belly; well that, really mortified all of them.  

“Steve!” Steve’s train of thought were interrupted by Bucky, the latter’s metal arm slightly shaking his shoulder.

“W-We have to get t-them out of here….Captain.” Natasha mumbled, as her knees weakened-turning away before anyone can see her trembling lips. “We’ll go first.” Steve nodded as she, Clint and Pietro jogged back to the jet- Thor, Scott and Vision following as they carried the villain’s unconscious body-Sure, they would love to literally behead and torture the deity; but Natasha and Tony stopped them before doing so, knowing they had to let SHIELD to their interrogation with the guy; but Tony swore to the men and to his heart that he’d be the first to torment the guy after SHIELD’s done with him.

  Tony couldn’t get his damn suit on fast enough.  His hands were shaking so violently that he had dropped his helmet twice, cursing at his lack of control.  Now was not the time for a panic attack; he needed to get you to safety- along with your child. He grimaced at the thought. Still not able to stomach the idea of you…. Having a child. What’s worse is no one knows if you consented to this, and if you didn’t- Oh how he’d torment the guy who did this to you.

 As the engine of the jet roared more, Bruce and Steve made sure that the straps onto your limp body was secured-but not crushing you nor your belly. Everyone had so many questions and it was only you who could answer those queries, but how can they ask it if you don’t even know who you really are? The ride back to the tower was silent.  Steve didn’t know what to say to the team, and there was nothing he could say to make this any better.  Everyone aside from Clint and Natasha had their eyes fixated on you. Scott and Pietro were at the end of the jet, Sequoia on Scott’s hip as they entertain him with the clouds in the sky. Scott was uneasy, of course- everyone was still grasping around the child but deep in their hearts they knew it. He was yours. There was no other explanation. -and the similarities, it was just there, and no one dares to question his genetics. You lay there in the half-light, utterly still, eyes open slightly as if admiring the heavens. It once danced with light but are now vacant and staring. Your once rosy complexion is waxy and pale; mouth that was so quick to smile in life lies stiff and agape. The lips that used to blow raspberries to everyone as you pull a successful prank now chapped and pale. The arms that held Tony tight when he was sad or lost, that wrapped everyone in warmth and security are now dangling on the jet’s medical table- like the limbs of a rag doll violently thrown. The legs that used to run after Peter in the park was showered with cuts and bruises, your ankle twisted up unnaturally into a position no conscious person could maintain without screaming for help. And if all that wasn't enough there was a dark red liquid that matted your now dark hair smelling like an abattoir. Even with all this, staring at your lifeless form, everyone can’t help but sense a feel of hope. Finally, they can bring you back home.

[idio-cies]

Tine and Anxiety

How are people feeling? Knowing that tomorrow is the last episode of this beautiful series? Sad? Excited? Don’t want it to be over? Same

Welp, this may or may not hurt when reading and probably won’t be my last meta/analysis on this series. Anyways... This is a long post folks, so make sure you are sitting comfortably.

I am almost certain that Tine accentuates some kind of anxiety.

I don’t like diagnosing people, but this is just something that I deeply relate Tine with. As a person who has CFS/ME with depression and anxiety, who also has a best friend with severe anxiety, my mum and sister also having depression as well as having many other friends with mental health issues revolving around anxiety and/or depression and doing a lot research both on anxiety and depression. I know the ins and outs of these mental illnesses. I will not go into further detail because as I am trying by hardest to not sound like an obnoxious twat whilst writing this.

I came across this article so I could check that I was right about relationship anxiety which Tine does express. This is pretty self-explanatory so you can read at your own leisure if you wish, but as a brief summary relationship anxiety most likely comes out of previous bad relationships, low self-esteem an attachemnt style one has grown up with in childhood (honestly this is another thing entirely, I talk a little bit about this here), but also relies on knowing oneself, having good communication etc.It just screams out here.

I need to clear things up as well before I really start getting in deep. It is correct that every human being has self-doubt, it is intrinsic to the human psyche, there is no doubt about it, unless you are self-righteous or have learnt that you are loved and you can love yourself a healthy amount, then good for you! This video is a good summary of how disliking oneself is natural human response

Now, where anxiety related to Tine comes in is the fact that he ruminates, he worries excessively and his automatic response to things going wrong he places on himself, and just in general has such a deep lack of self-worth and self-love that all you wanna do is cuddle him all day. This takes it further than what a normal human beings response is. 

Tine obsesses, and as a result makes him spiral and becomes unwell. Rumination is both a feature of Anxiety and depression. This is where things get tricky because Depression and Anxiety work hand in hand, with some traits crossing over (such as rumination), you can also have panic attacks with depression as well. The reason why I think it is anxiety is because of how things morphed with Tine, how he worried himself to be literally sick on more than one occasion

and it looks like he does the same this week. You can see the IV and how he is laying 

and he doesn’t to eat

This is not “normal human behaviour”. Worrying so much it makes you ill is one thing (see article here), but actively avoiding food is another thing. It’s another response people have when they are under extreme stress, though people can also over eat.

My analysis of “Escape” supports rumination.

There is no category that I will place him. I will leave this article here for people to go through if they are interested (I’m sorry, I know this is a lot of links, I just want to prove what I’m saying). 

so, when we meet Tine he seems like this ball of energy, he comes across as self-righteous with his Mr Chic facade

But that’s the thing: it’s a facade, it’s a coping mechanism, which shields him. I wouldn’t say that this is a classic example of anxiety as anyone can put up a front to hide all sorts of things. I know that I used to have facades or personalities I use in front of people.

Anyway, this Mr. Chic persona was all that, a persona, he took refuge in it. Which is why we see the comeback of it in ep 9 as he was experiencing some stage fright mixed with a heck of a lot of self-doubt and stress, which Green had identified was a coping mechanism!!!!

This front was used in order to block himself from being hurt, from rejection and from life in general, as well as of course criticism. His friends aren’t the brightest bunch, though evidently Fong (bless his heart) is very emotionally intelligent and let us know that they were aware of Tine and how he self-imposes on himself, has to prove his worth etc

This explains why he was so fatalistic in ep 11

Because he is still putting himself on trial and their relationship

It was legit after the tree got trodden on it all went wrong 

Poor Nuisance Tree... RIP

Anyway, but as friends do, they tease each other, which is ultimately something that Tine is afraid of. He doesn’t like the teasing. Based on my perspective of teasing, I bite back with teasing, but it may be because it’s because I am sensitive about it. Tine by no means has my temper, so it doesn’t surprise me if he is effected and is scared to be teased because in all actuality, he is sensitive about those topics. 

Next, he gets obsessed. People noticed about not moving on from Sarawat, there are a few explanations. 1. they needed it for Sarawat’s popularity to broadcast it 2. I bet you Tine got intrigued 3. potentially, he got obsessed with the idea. Tine was adamant to “get rid of Green” this in of itself was an obsession and no fucking wonder it backfired. Some, “normal, healthy” people I’m sure would’ve moved on, but oh no, not this dumbass quartet

Which is another thing. He is heavily influenced by his friends. Naturally, a person listen and adapt their thinking to their peers, but some don’t and are adamant in their thoughts. What gets me here is that Tine practically doesn’t allow himself to think for himself very much. I mean, it’s natural to go to friends for advice, but he was always very quick to go “yeah you’re right”. He is too easily swayed by what his friends tell him or their philosophies. Go look at episode 8 1/4 6:50 onwards. He concludes so quickly... Though I guess in this round, he felt it was right.

As soon as he sees one “fit” per se, that is it, which is apt as he is always been on the search for “the one”

(It will not surprise me if this series does full circle, and has Tine going to Sarawat once more as Sarawat did all of the chasing after this... kinda)

Tine can make up his mind very quickly once he sees fit. The only time he has really made sense and not listened to his friends fully was when he realised he loved Sarawat, and he went hell for leather on proving himself in episode 9. 

Tine had to prove himself in order to be worthy of Sarawat to love him, he thought he had failed, but Sarawat showed him a different perspective. Sarawat is very good at comforting Tine and showing him a new perspective... 

Sarawat is so good in this scene, because he tells Tine (in their little hypothetical language) that it is up to Tine is in control (which he felt he wasn’t), that Sarawat won’t pressure him, and that he is enough just as he is. That he doesn’t need to prove himself.

To a degree he helps every time, but as I have said before, if Tine is anything like me, those affirmations are useless after a couple hours max.

This post and also this one are really good at explaining Sarawat, and my perception of the last episode, so please also give those a read because I don’t want to repeat and make this even longer than it is! I do not blame Sarawat, and understand that it is human to make mistakes, which is also why I am making this post, because Tine is also wrong and is not helping their relationship or himself!!!

The time when he did believe in them was during episode 10 with Type in the house... it was extraordinary

Sorry I love Sarawat’s reaction to this

It’s like “Okay, you got it, why you gotta be so cute tho” 

Then the next week it goes downhill again and he believes that he is the one causing everything to go wrong (ahem, look at the first article)

He puts all the blame on himself... But Sarawat was always there to tell him that it was okay, that he was there with him, never got angry, just gave him smiles and headpats galore while looking at him with all the love in the world

I had to add in the “lets go to bed” bit here 

because I feel like it’s under appreciated. Sarawat was continuously telling Tine “we can look for it later, lets focus on this for now” and did a little nod. He was trying to help Tine not feel so bad, he recognised it and tried to give him comfort. He tried setting an agenda, so that Tine didn’t need to be overwhelmed with processing too many things if that makes any sense? He cares a lot and knew it was bothering him. It didn’t work as Tine was riddled with guilt, so he wasn’t satiated by it unfortunately, but this trip really did churn everything up :/ 

It’s just super hard to get Tine to feel alright in himself, but Sarawat is so lovely about it all. He loves Tine so much, so this week is going to hurt so bad when Tine tries to break things off as it is just going to be so difficult to make sure Tine is secure in himself and the relationship... I better stop

The fact that this is the state Tine puts himself in, again and again screams anxiety to me. The facade kept things up for a while, but I would not be surprised if this is how he went through life for quite some time. Plus the fact that Type also shows this need for a facade by trying to be a perfectionist is very interesting as well. 

Of course, I can be wrong in all of this. Please don’t hold me to it, but as a person who profoundly resonates with Tine, and would consider myself to be well versed in anxiety, I think that Tine most likely does have a form of anxiety. He just takes “self-doubt” to the next level. 

As always I am welcome to discussion! Credits to those blogs with the posts I linked to! 

Thank you for reading, I hope you guys are all staying safe, and I look forward to tomorrows episode ^-^ 

I am so not ready to let it go 😭😭

[hellfirenacht]

Can’t Be Unseen Ch 3

Sal Fisher x Reader

First Chapter

Last Chapter

Ao3

Art by: @ochibi-chan​, thank you so much for the fanart!

'He has no nose.' was the first thing that came to your mind as you found yourself staring in shock at the face of your date clearly for the first time. For as many scary movies you’d seen with Sal and Larry, his face was nothing like the special effects makeup you had grown used to. Sal’s face was real, and it shocked you. 

While you had caught glimpses of him before, it had only been his chin and mouth. You knew that there had been a chunk of his jaw that was misshapen, you saw the deep scar on his mouth as well as the slight discoloration where skin grafts had taken place. 

You weren't prepared for the lack of nose, or the rigid scarred skin that covered most of his face. It scared you- not in a way that would have you running in fear, but in a way a friend would jump out from behind a wall. A moment of horror before realizing that there was no danger, realizing that it was still your friend. 

The shock lasted all of a moment until the kid spoke up again quietly, holding Sal's prosthetic in his hand. 

"Oh..." was all he said before Sal snatched his face back. 

"Hope you're satisfied." Sal mumbled after he clicked it back into place. You looked away, but you already knew it was too late. 

Sal had seen the look on your face when you had seen his, and it wasn't a good one. Guilt washed over you in seconds, replacing the shock. This isn't what you had wanted. Yes, you did want to see his face at some point, but not like this. Not when it wasn't on his terms in a way where you could make him feel safe and have it go as slow as you both needed. But it was too late, you had both seen everything. 

You fucked up. 

He started walking away quickly and you almost had to jog to catch up to him. It was quiet between the two of you but unlike previous times where the quiet had been comforting, this time it was tense and uncomfortable. You couldn't believe how badly you fucked up at such an important moment. You could only imagine how hurt he must be right now, when all you wanted to do was apologize. 

His hand wasn't in yours anymore, and it felt empty. You opened your mouth a few times to say something, anything, to try and convey how sorry you were and that you never wanted to hurt him and that you were just shocked and to please just talk to-

"Every weekend, right?" he asked, still looking straight ahead. 

"...What?" 

"This happens every weekend until Mid-November. That's what you said, right?" You tried to get a read on his voice, but you couldn't. The challenge that you loved was now just a confusing mess. 

"Y-yeah."

"Let's go again next weekend." Sal said, his voice softer and not so distant. Your heart leapt in your chest and your breath caught in your throat. Had you not fucked up so badly after all? Despite what had just happened, had today been enough for your feelings to reach him?

"I- y-yeah sure!" you said quickly, staring at him, though he continued to stare ahead, not glancing at you at all. That should have been your first clue. 

"Yeah, I think Larry and Ashley would really have a lot of fun." Sal continued. "We didn't have a chance to check out many of the art exhibits and I think Larry would be a better ride partner than me." 

Oh.

 This was his way of letting you down gently. It's not like it had been your plan to confess tonight, but it looked like he wasn't even going to give you the chance. Knowing Sal, he was probably doing this to save you the embarrassment after everything that had happened. 

Sal Fisher didn't feel the same way about you. You knew that this was always going to be a possibility, but you didn't think it'd hurt this bad. 

Who knew that the Sally Face Killer's method was to stab you in the heart?

Still though, you had a reputation to uphold, if he was doing his best to let you down easily, the least you could do was take the rejection with grace. You'd save the crying for when you got home, in the privacy of your own bed. 

"Yeah, with all that headbanging he does, a few rides on those spinning things should be a piece of cake." your voice cracked slightly at the end, and you tried to hide it with a cough. 

Addison Apartments was coming up close on you both, and you felt relieved. 

"Thanks for inviting me out today." Sal said as you headed in. "I'm gonna go check on Larry."

He was gonna go tell Larry about how badly you fucked up. 

"Alright." you replied. "I'll, uh, see you at school then." 

For a few moments you were alone on the first floor as Sal used the elevator to go down. He had thanked you, but it didn't feel genuine. He was usually the first to tell someone if he had fun but those last few moments had completely tarnished everything. It wouldn't even surprise you if he shoved the stuffed animal somewhere he would never have to look at it again. 

The elevator finally dinged and you were thankful that no one was inside. It was when the doors finally closed that tears started to form in your eyes. Your parents would be out late tonight- Saturday was their date night. You could go to your room and cry all you wanted without having to worry about them asking intruding questions. 

 Walking into the kitchen, you kicked off your shoes and headed to your room quickly, shutting the door behind you. How had today gone so wrong? How could you have reacted so poorly to seeing your friend and crushes' face? 

And now that you had seen his face, what did that mean? Of course, it was too late to do anything about your feelings at this point, Sal had seen the look on your face when you stared at him. There was no coming back from that. Actions aside though, what did seeing his face really mean to  you in terms of how you felt about him? 

You laid down and closed your eyes, tears still running down your face. Taking deep shaky breaths to try and calm your nerves, you brought the image of his face to mind, at least what you could remember what you had seen today. 

It was best to think of one piece of his face at a time, starting from the bottom up. You had seen his chin before, that wasn't anything that bothered you by now. His lips were thinner than you had thought to begin with, though that was probably because the few times you had glimpsed them, it had been shadowed by the prosthetic. The upper lip was slightly misshapen, as if a part of it had been torn and sewn back together. His lips still looked soft though, 

The nose. Okay, that was something that would take some getting used to. You think there was a slight bump where a nose would normally be, as though the doctors had attempted to keep some of the cartilage in place. The more you thought about it, the more okay it became. 

Skin, you didn't have a problem with. It was patchy and uneven in texture and color but it was okay. There were scars all over his face, from deep looking gashes to sharp thin lines. The skin was pale or red mostly, unsurprising as you were sure that the prosthetic didn't allow much sunlight- not that he would ever take it off outside anyway. His skin also seemed thin and delicate. You briefly wondered what it would feel like to touch his cheeks and feel the different textures of his face. Would he even allow someone to get that close?  

His eyes were the least surprising to you. His eyes had darker circles than you had noticed before, but they were still the same eyes. Or eye? For the sake of argument, you went with eyes. Underneath the prosthetic you sometimes had trouble seeing his eyes, but sometimes when the light hit him just right you were struck by how blue they were.  You had grown to love that shade of blue. 

Blue hadn't meant much to you until you met Sal Fisher. 

The overall expression was... blank. Almost as neutral as his prosthetic. You wondered if it was because he didn't want to show any emotion while so vulnerable or because for so long he never needed his face to communicate. 

As you pieced together his face in your mind, a pain shot through your heart as you realized something important. 

No matter what his face looked like, you still desperately liked him. 

The next hour was dedicated to clinging to your pillow and crying ugly tears. The next was dedicated to looking over your phone and trying to decide if you should talk to Larry or Ashley about what happened. 

You couldn't tell them the whole truth, you decided. They had both seen Sals' face before and had been so kind about it. The way Sal talked about it, they didn't even blink at the sight of him. 

You felt awful. 

Your phone dinged.

AshleyFace: So how'd it go?

Here goes nothing. You were glad you were home alone in your room and not around anyone else. 

BlankFace: Sal was a complete gentleman and let me down gently. I'm glad I had a chance to go out with him though, I don't have any regrets. 

You had so many regrets. 

AshleyFace: He turned you down? I'm so sorry. I thought you two would have been a cute couple. 

BlankFace: It's okay, at least now you and I can finally be together ;)

AshleyFace: Ha ha. I don't think my girlfriend would like that too much. 

BlankFace: I meant me and Todd. 

AshleyFace: He's still super gay and I think he's got a date with someone coming up. 

BlankFace: ....Chug?

AshleyFace: You know he's got a huge thing for Maple LOL 

BlankFace: Is everyone hooking up except me??

AshleyFace: Larry?

BlankFace: I don't think I have the heart to come between him and his right hand. I'm a flirt, not a homewrecker. 

AshleyFace: LMAO

You smiled as you hunched over your phone. You couldn't bring yourself to tell her exactly what happened, but at least you were able to talk to her a little bit. Acting like you were okay made everything else a little bit more okay. 

What you both saw couldn't be unseen, but you could at least try and move forward. You just hoped that you hadn't lost him as a friend. 

...

School on Mondays always suck, but school on Mondays after a terrible first date with a close friend sucked way harder than anything else. You shoved your bookbag into your locker and headed towards the cafeteria where most people gathered before class started. Normally you would have walked together with Sal and Larry but you had dragged your feet all morning, and told the group chat to go on ahead before you. Sal always liked being more early, and though Larry wasn't exactly a morning person he'd always show up to school with his best friend. 

You looked over at the table where you all met and froze for a moment. You hadn't spoken a word to Sal since Saturday and a knot formed in the pit of your stomach. It was a nauseating feeling to think about going over there and acting like nothing had happened at all this weekend. 

It was easier to just head towards Homeroom, a quiet period where you didn't have any of your friends to talk to. You decided that it would be better to lay low for a while. 

Laying low wasn't super hard. You had art with Ashley and Larry (though Larry was seated at the opposite end of the room, making it slightly easier to avoid any questions), and Ashley wasn't one to pry unless she was convinced that something was wrong. You had never really told anyone the extent of your crush on the boy with pigtails, so making her think you were really okay was surprisingly easy. 

Though Larry was usually one to drop subjects if asked, you found it harder to avoid any questions from him. He pulled you to the side between classes and tried to ask what happened. 

"He's not interested." you replied, trying to shrug it off. "It's no one's fault."

"It... might be mine." Larry suddenly said. "I think I might have said something to make him think that it wasn't a real date."

Oh the irony. You almost wished he was right and that was the reason things were now awkward between you and Sal. You shook your head and place a hand on his shoulder. 

"If that's the case, then it's double clear that he wasn't interested." you said with a small smile. 

"Looks like my crush was dead on arrival, huh?" 

"I'm really sorry about it." Larry frowned. 

"Dude, it's fine." just had to shake him off the trail of your shattered heart now. "Now that's Sal's off the list you better watch yourself- you're third in line." 

"Third? Wait, who's second?"

You just smiled and winked at him as you ducked into your next class. 

It seemed like Sal hadn't told Ashley and Larry about what happened at the end of the date. It was a relief, really. You still weren't ready to face them about how you had treated the guy you had a crush on. 

Science class was torture. It was the one class that you had with Sal, though you didn't sit near him. He was seated near the front and you sat a few seats behind him. On one hand, it meant that he wouldn't be looking at you but on the other, it meant that you got to spend the rest of the hour staring at the back of his head. It wasn't something that normally distracted you, but today it made focusing nearly impossible. 

When the bell rang for lunch, you took your time packing up as you tried to figure out if Sal was going to approach you or not. He briefly glanced over at you, making you feel like a deer in the headlights for a moment. But he continued out the door without saying a word. 

Suddenly you didn't have much of an appetite. 

Still though, you grabbed your bagged lunch from your locker and walked towards the cafeteria, hesitating a moment before walking in and then walking right back out. You suddenly decided that your homework wasn't gonna do itself, so you got a permission slip from one of the teacher on lunch duty and made your way to the school library. You weren't allowed to eat in there, but you weren't hungry anyway. 

The library is where you spent lunch for the rest of the week. It was the one period you had where you felt okay, without the crippling guilt. You could hide in a back corner with your nose in a book, or study, or draw, and the world would leave you alone. 

"Are you avoiding Sally Face?" a voice said from behind you, causing you to jump. You had been so deep into a book that you hadn't heard anyone coming towards you. 

"Ah, what?" you turned to see Larry. "I uh... what?" 

"We haven't seen you all week." he continued. "Sally Face is starting to think you're avoiding him." 

"I'm not!" you said, defensively. "I've just got a lot of school work that I need to catch up on." 

He just shook his head. "You haven't been walking home with us either." 

You didn't have a rebuttal for that one. "I... I just..." you sighed. "Things got weird between us after last weekend." 

"Listen, I kinda get it. You liked Sal more than you let on, yeah? And it's weird now that you know he's not interested but, dude, you can't just keep ignoring all of your friends. You do still want to be friends with him, right?" 

You nodded. 

"Then stop being a coward, and walk home with us again. If you wanna keep hiding in the library at lunch that's fine but... we all miss you." 

There was a slight pang in your chest at the words. 

"Even Sal...?" you asked quietly, unsure. 

"Of course he does. He's the reason I'm talking to you right now. He wanted to talk to you himself but he didn't wanna make your uncomfortable and shit." 

"Really...?" you couldn't help but be surprised. "I thought I blew it..."

"Just 'cause he didn't feel the same way doesn't mean he doesn't still like having you around." 

"I'm an idiot I guess."

"Well yeah, duh." he laughed. "Now you're gonna come home with us today, no buts."

"But I like butts." you shot back with a smirk. 

"There it is." he laughed again. "See you after school."

"Hey, Larry?" 

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

...

It became an unspoken agreement that you and Sal didn't talk about the date, and what had happened. It was okay though, you didn't want to face him in a manner of speaking. You three started walking to school again, though it was a few weeks before you really felt okay being so close to him. 

Larry was the real champ about it though, he never let the conversations become awkward between the three of you. He always had some topic to talk about, or some song he wanted to share on your morning commutes. You didn't know what you did to have such a great friend but you were thankful. 

Sal started to slowly talk to you again as well. Despite what Larry had said it was hard to read Sal, or maybe you just weren't ready to read him yet. Talking was slow at first, his questions about science homework, asking him to grab an extra fork at lunch because you forgot to grab one, small talk. But as the fall semester crawled by, you found your friendship starting to stand on solid ground again. 

Flirting with him never felt the same though. It didn't feel right to flirt with someone who had turned you down. At the same time it felt as though he was also keeping his distance from you. You really couldn't blame him. If someone looked at you in shock and horror upon seeing your face for the first time, you wouldn't exactly want to be close to them either. 

Sometimes when you two were left alone for more than a few minutes, you considered bringing it up. You'd get so close to opening your mouth to talk to him but the words would die in your throat. On the one occasion where the words started to make their way out of your mouth, Todd had shown up to introduce you to his new boyfriend, Neil. 

Timing was really not your thing, huh? 

November came and went and your whole group buckled down to study for finals. There were many long nights where you were all crowded into Larry's basement, papers and books strewn everywhere as you all attempted last minute cramming and tutoring on each other. There was more than one night where Lisa would come home to see a handful of kids passed out in her living room, surrounded by notes, or still awake and color coding flashcards.

On one such night, you noticed that Sal was chugging an energy drink that Larry had given him through a crazy straw. One of the two that Sal had bought for you on that night. 

You couldn't tell if it hurt or helped that he still had it. 

Finals ended with a fizzle rather than a bang. You were very unsure about science, but you were confident enough that you at least passed the rest of the tests. By the time the bell rang to let you all out on the last day, everyone had collectively agreed that they were done talking about tests. 

Making your way back to Addison apartments was proving to be more difficult than expected for the three of you. It had snowed the day before and rained a little at night, making the sidewalk a long tail of ice and slush. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, as you all had snow boots, but you had all collectively used the last three brain cells to finish up with school for the semester. This, combined with the lack of sleep from cramming, had left you all feeling slightly delirious and deciding that the three of you slipping and stumbling around was the funniest thing to ever happened. 

"Nope! Nope! Nope! Bad step!" you laughed, stumbling forward after stepping on a hidden patch of ice. You managed to not fall flat on your face this time but you were sure it was going to happen eventually. 

"Larry you should take one for the team and go first." Sal said. "We'll follow behind in your footsteps."

"No way, Sally Face." Larry replied. "If I go first and fall backwards that's a whole domino effect where I end up on top of you both." 

"My one fantasy." You said with a dramatic sigh as Larry turned and winked at you. 

Dragging Sal into your flirts was okay if you roped someone else into it as well. 

"I'll go first!" You volunteered, stretching your legs out to take a big step forward. 

"You've fallen more times than anyone!" Sal said with a shake of his head. 

"Details, details." you said with a hand wave. "Besides, we're almost there! I can see the apart- OOF!"

Your foot landed on another patch of ice, causing you to fall backwards. Larry, having been right next to you by the point, grabbed onto your arm tightly to try and steady you, but the force of your fall was too much. Something softer that the ground was suddenly pressed against your back, as Larry was pressed against your chest. 

"Ow."

"Oof."

"Fuck."

Your fall had both pulled Larry down and knocked Sal over as well. Sal had landed on his butt after unintentionally catching you on the way down, and Larry had ended up on to of you, having landed on his knees pretty hard. The three of you were a little confused for a second, before you decided to break the tension. 

"My other one fantasy." 

Larry let out a laugh that was more like a snort as he made his way back onto his feet. Behind you, you could hear Sal let out a small laugh as well. It took some doing, but eventually you all managed to stand back up, brushing off the snow and dirt from your clothes. 

"Anyone hurt?" you asked. 

"Scraped knee and hands." Larry said. 

"Scrapped elbow." you replied. 

"Scrapped butt." Sal added. 

"Want me to kiss it better?" you and Larry both said at the same time before all three of you started laughing again. 

Through the power of teamwork, the three of you managed to make it to the apartment complex with much fewer casualties. Larry left you two alone quickly, stating he wanted to get his hands cleaned up so his mom wouldn't worry. It seemed weird that he was in a rush to get going, but then Sal spoke up. 

"Hey uh, do you want to take a walk?" 

You looked at him slightly surprised at the invitation. When was the last time you had been alone for more than a few minutes to talk? 

No, you already knew the answer. 

"Sure." you agreed, and he lead you around the building, starting a trek of doing laps. 

It was quiet for a while, with nothing but the sound of your shoes crunching against the fresh snow. A cold breeze made you hug yourself and adjust the scarf around your neck so that it covered your mouth. Dumb you had forgotten to bring lip balm, and you really didn't want to get chapped lips. The sound of your name from right next to you bought you back down to Earth. 

"Are we... okay?" Sal asked, still looking ahead as he spoke. 

You weren't sure how to answer that, or even if there was a good answer to be given. 

"I... huh?" 

"That night at the festival," Sal continued. "You saw what was under my prosthetic." 

Oh. Oh no. You weren't ready for this conversation. You weren't ready to talk to him about this. Panic bubbled in the pit of your stomach. There was no going back now. 

"Yeah... I did." you said quietly. "I'm sorry." 

"You didn't rip my face off." 

You shook your head. "No but... I..." you took a deep breath, willing the small lump in your throat to go away. "I shouldn't have reacted like I did." 

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" His voice was soft, comforting, non-judgmental. It made you want to cry even more. 

"No... well, not fully." you started, and after a moment of silence you continued. "I saw your face and reacted badly and I hated myself for reacting badly because Ashley and Larry both saw without freaking out or saying anything and I couldn't be like that for you so I just thought it’d be better to stay away." 

You finally took a breath after spewing up the word vomit. You didn't mention him not returning your feelings as you hoped that went without saying. 

"I'm used to people looking at me like that." He was trying to make you feel better, but the words just cut into your heart. Your eyes felt hot as they started to water, but you were trying hard not to let any tears escape. 

"You shouldn't though!" you snapped back. "You... you're a great guy and I like you a lot and you shouldn't have to deal with stupid people like me not knowing how to react to your face!" 

He stopped walking and looked at you. Tears were escaping your eyes now, and you were shaking hard. He reached up and placed a hand on your shoulder. 

"Do you still want to be friends?" he asked softly. 

You nodded and he pulled you into a tight, warm hug. Your nose was smooshed up against his ear muffs, and you were sure that some of your tears were landing in his hair but you felt okay for the first time in months. 

It was scary how empathetic and kind Sal could be. Always willing to give people as many chances as they needed to grow. You hoped that one day you could show someone even a fraction of the kindness that he had shown you. 

"I missed you." He said, not letting go of you. 

"I missed you, too." you whispered back. 

You two stayed like that for a while. Even though it was freezing outside, his hug was so warm. It was you who ended up pulling back first, not wanting to accidentally get some snot into his hair. 

"Now that things are better I wanted to ask you something." Sal said, starting to walk again, you fell into step with him. 

"What's up?" 

"Dad's wanting to have a small holiday party next week." Sal explained. "Nothing fancy but he wants you and Ashley and Larry to come by and roast marshmallows and watch Rudolf." 

You couldn't help but smile. "That sounds like a lot of fun, actually. I'd love to drop by." 

The two of you were in front of the building again, and he lead the two of you inside. 

"Cool, the party starts at six next Friday." He pushed the button for the elevator. 

"Six on Friday. Gotcha." you pulled out your cell and made a note of it." 

The two of you said your goodbyes as he made his way to the basement to invite Larry and you made your way back up to your room. 

Things were finally starting to feel normal again. 

...

LarryFace: so did you 2 kiss and make up yet?

BlankFace: Too soon. But we did make up. 

LarryFace: u goin to the party then?

BlankFace: Yup! You?

LarryFace: ya me and mom are gonna be there

BlankFace: Cool! See you there then! 

Next Chapter

[yashalex]

Relationship: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant Chapters: 3/? Summary: Eliott Demaury is a driver, but also he’s a spy… well, sort of. Somehow it’s become his job to look after troubled children of rich businessmen. But Lucas Lallemant is a real problem that Eliott never really saw coming. The previous chapter is here AO3

Chapter 3 Lucas has some secrets and maybe now Eliott knows one of them.

Eliott had a lot of questions. First of all, what Lucas Lallemant was up to? Did he promise to get rid of him any time soon to ask him out for a drink later? Had he suddenly decided to act civil and try to get on with his new driver? That sounded like bullshit. And that was curious. The second question concerned Manon. Why did she become so worried about the boy? Why was it so necessary for Eliott to keep an eye on the guy? What were they both hiding? And the third question was related to Valentine. How could he give his son so much freedom when he practically ordered Demaury to follow Lucas’ every step while they were discussing the job? Did Eliott have to do it already on that trip? Was that the reason why he let them go so easily? And how did he manage to deal with all the paperwork without Eliott’s involvement? That seemed like shady business, and Eliott was against it if it concerned him.

“Turn right, and then you’ll see a parking lot. We’ll leave the car there,” Lucas commanded after a five-minute ride.

When Eliott left the house he saw a black SUV that wasn’t there before. Valentine and his people probably brought it there. Eliott never was a fan of cars, but he could recognize a fine vehicle when he saw one. And that was it. Big, powerful, comfortable, and that was more than enough for the guy, who was going to spend half of his working time, sitting and waiting for Lucas there.

Lucas didn’t make himself waiting. He followed Eliott out of the house almost immediately. The boy opened the door of the car and jumped in, looking excited. But it wasn’t what has taken Eliott by surprise. He didn’t expect him to take a front seat, and the guy clearly saw his confusion.

“You’re not at work yet, right?” He said, and that was a fair point. Eliott shrugged his shoulders and joined the boy.

For the boy, who was hoping to get to know his new driver better, Lucas acted surprisingly quiet. And Eliott had two possible explanations of that. The first one was that the boy had a long tongue only when he was drunk, and that presumably could have fitted as the truth. The second explanation suggested a real lack of desire from the boy’s side to know his employers, and that he was just using him as an excuse for something. And Eliott wanted to believe that Lucas was silent because of his sober shyness, but he was sure that the boy was hiding something.

The only things Lucas was talking about was the road. They were going to some café uptown. Several times Lucas pointed where to turn, but that was it. The maximum of their conversation in the car. However, Eliott was alright with that, being too intrigued by the further Lucas’ actions.

When they parked, Eliott noticed that there were not that many autos around. And that wasn’t startling, as the place looked like a real dump. 100% It wasn't built for such people as Lallemants. Though, Lucas acted as if he was a regular here. He greeted some of the people outside, smiled at the waitress, whispered her something in the ear and went straight to the table in the corner. Everything in that place was screaming about the old age, and not in a very fashionable way. Green wallpapers, a battered linoleum, disgusting smell and the old plastic tables under which Eliott expected to see dozens of the gum. And he wasn’t the most selective person ever, but he would have surely avoided that place if it wasn’t for Lucas, who felt pretty much comfortable sitting there.

“Three days of the week they’re feeding homeless here, and my father helps the owners with everything,” Lucas commented. Perhaps Eliott’s confusion was too obvious.

“I guess it’s good for publicity,” Eliott agreed with the logic in the man’s action. “But what’s the point to choose the place so far away? Homeless people just won’t reach it even if they would want to.”

“That’s exactly the point!” Lucas smirked, and Eliott’s gotten it. Probably, it had some sense. Valentine was helping people in need, and the press knew that. The details weren’t really that important, and most of his money was still safe in his pocket.

“And what are we doing here?” Eliott asked. Valentines’ affairs didn’t explain a weird choice of his son.

“We’re drinking milkshakes!” The boy clapped his hands and the waitress he earlier greeted came into the view with two milkshakes in her hands. “Hope you don’t mind vanilla?” Lucas winked at him, and Eliott was too stunned with Lallemant junior' childish behaviour to respond.

“Anything else?” The girl with blue hair, probably Eliott's age, asked.

“Not now, but thanks, darling,” Lucas grinned at her. The girl nodded and left them alone. “You know, she was working in our house before father found Manon. I have no idea how Alexia got that job, she was a terrible cook! Manon was a blessing to our house, but as you can see my father didn’t throw a poor girl out, having given her a new job,” Lucas said and took a sip of his milkshake. Eliott’s one was still untouched.

“Are these milkshakes super special here or what? Why did you choose this exact place?” Eliott asked once again. He didn’t know the boy that well, but his suspicious behaviour raised some questions.

“Do you want to know another interesting fact?” The boy asked back, ignoring Eliott’s words. And he didn’t even wait for his reply and continued. “The cashier is Emma. She’s cool, used to work with Daphne, but we didn’t need that many cleaners in the almost empty house, and father had to sack one of them. In the end, Emma decided to quit herself. After that she was offered a temporary job here,” he finished, looking at Eliott’s expectantly. And here something clicked in Demaury’s head.

“They’re all spying on you!” He pronounced. Lucas smiled, satisfied.

“Finally! I was getting worried that I would have to spell it all out to you!” He chuckled. Eliott noticed that the boy’s phone was already on the table. And judging by him always looking around, he was clearly waiting for someone.

"So how does it work? Do you have a list of places you can go to?" Eliott attracted his attention, moving a milkshake closer to himself. Lucas didn't trust him, and he was right with that, but Eliott needed to lull him to get some information. Maybe, Lucas' idea of the chat wasn't that bad, after all.

"Something like that, yeah." Lucas turned his head to Eliott. And it seemed that he smiled a little when he noticed Eliott's drinking the milkshake. It was quite tasty, by the way. Perhaps, Eliott could give this place some credit.

"And what kind of places you can go to?" Eliott asked.

"I'm welcomed everywhere where my father's spies work," he sneered, and there was something gloomy in the way he did that. "Usually, it's three clubs, four cafes and one school."

"It's not a lot for such city as Paris," Eliott noted, and he didn't expect to sound so sympathetically. Despite Eliott's opinion on the boy, Lucas was still a teenager, who had money and who probably just wanted to have fun and a little freedom.

"Well, my father can't buy everyone... or don't want to," Lucas responded indifferently. Probably, he's already gotten used to it. "Anyway, when I set to leave, I need to tell him where I'm going. He rings to one of his men, and then they're waiting for me in that place."

"And what exactly is the task of these people?" Eliott wondered. He really wanted to understand this whole system.

"The same as yours - to keep me out of troubles, especially in front of the cameras. When you sign the contract, you'll get a number and all these people inside will have it, in case I'll be needed to be deported as soon as possible." Eliott guessed that the last words were meant to be a joke, but it seemed that the boy just repeated someone else’s thoughts. Not hard to guess whose exactly they were.

"And if you won't play by the rules you will lose your money?" Eliott recalled Lucas' phrase earlier.

"Yeah." Lucas gave another glance to his phone.

"And what about the situation in the house? Who's keeping an eye on you there?" Eliott still kept in his head the information of Valentine mostly not living there. And that was interesting how the man was controlling his son's whole life while staying so far away from his as it was only possible.

"You can guess," Lucas offered, having risen his eyebrow.

"Manon and Daphne?" Eliott asked, surprised. "I thought you're friends. And they seem too nice to give you troubles." That was exactly what they hadn't done yesterday. At first, Eliott supposed that they were just scared to lose their job. Now he started believing that it was more about the boy’s sake rather than their own.

"They're friends," Lucas agreed. "But it's their job to inform my father about everything. Usually, I just don't give them a reason to go to him."

"You run away from them yesterday!" Eliott reminded him, and Lucas frowned. Eliott hit a nerve.

"I'm not saying I'm perfect," he stated. And Eliott thought that the boy's gotten upset with his remark. But it didn't last. Lucas sipped his milkshake and changed the topic, looking at Eliott curiously. "Now, that's enough about me. My father will tell you about everything when you sign the contract anyway! Now I want to talk about you. What can you tell me about yourself, Eliott Demaury?"

Eliott was caught off the guard. He didn't assume that Lucas Lallemant could become interested in his personality. And probably he wasn't, and that was his attempt to kill off some time before something he was waiting for would happen. But still, it didn't change the fact that Eliott had no idea what to say. His life was pretty ordinary, and the past few years the only thing he was doing it was working for the Amateurs.

"What do you want to know?" Eliott asked for specifics.

"Well... do you have a girlfriend?" He made it look as if it was the first question that came to his mind. Eliott pretty much doubted that.

"Are you trying to figure out what are your chances with me?" Eliott joked. Lucas laughed at that. He didn’t pretend. And that was nice.

"As if my father would hire somebody I have chances with," Lucas answered, and Eliott smiled at that. Obviously, both Lallemants didn't know a thing about Eliott's sexual preferences, and that probably was something, that he didn't mind to hide for a little bit longer. Well, he didn't have plans to tell about his bisexuality Valentine at all, but with Lucas, he could find a good use for it in the future.

"Why are you asking then?"

"Just want to make sure that you're going to be really committed to the job. Sometimes I'll need you 24/7," Lucas explained, and that sounded like a very far-fetched explanation.

"I have no one," Eliott admitted, not pointing out to gender on purpose. Lucas can think what he liked to think. "But according to you I'm not going to last, so what's the point to worry about stuff like that?" Elliot narrowed his eyes, looking at Lucas, who has bitten his lower lip in a smile. Eliott had to look away.

"Just to be certain that you won't let me down in the time I'll give you to work on me," he replied. But actually, it was more like he was challenging him. To say more. To answer him back. To try harder to catch him on the lie. Because somewhere in his action there was a lie, Eliott could feel that. He wished he only knew what it was about.

"I don't get. Manon and Daphne are spying on you, but you're friends with them. Why can't we be friends?" That logical question made Lucas grin once again. Eliott noticed that the boy was smiling a lot. And truth to be told, it looked good on him.

Lucas’ phone vibrated, but he didn't even look at it, leaning forward on the table. His glass was almost empty now.

"And do you really wanna be friends? Or is it my father wants us to be friends?" He asked him, and Eliott let out a laugh, having put a hand through his hair. He leaned back at the back of his chair.

"I'm just curious. I haven't grassed you up yesterday. Maybe I deserve a chance?" He suggested, and there was something he really enjoyed at that moment that was happening between him and the boy. He loved the way Lucas was looking at him and how he ignored his phone, giving Eliott all his attention.

"It can be some grand plan for winning my trust. How do I even know that my father doesn't know about it? He's clever and you don't look stupid either, so how can I trust you on this?" Lucas gave a line of reasonable questions. Eliott was amused at how easily Lallemant junior's read his motives. Not fully, but still Demaury thought that the boy wouldn't give it a second thought at all. That was surprising. And Eliott liked to be surprised.

"I have no answer to that," Eliott practically admitted his defeat, and the boy chuckled triumphantly.

"I guess I still don't trust you then." He straightened up and grabbed his phone. By the amusement on the boy's face, Eliott figured that he hadn't even noticed the sounds of it earlier. His expression became gloomy for a few seconds, but then a cheeky smile returned when he looked at Eliott. "I need a loo."

"Sure," Eliott said sarcastically. Lucas knew that Eliott knew that he was lying.

"What are the chances that you won't call my father straight away?" He asked half-jokingly, half-seriously.

"One percent," Eliott pronounced with a sly smile on his face.

"I'll take it, then," the boy announced and stormed off his place. Well, at least he really went in the direction of the toilets. Another question was who was waiting for him there?

It took Lucas twenty minutes to go out of the place. By that time Eliott's already drunk his milkshake, paid for it (that surprised the waitress), texted to Idriss a couple of times and went out to smoke. Outside he was observing if there was a new car on the parking lot, but it didn't look that way. So either the person Lucas was meeting with have been already there when he arrived or there was something else, that Demaury didn’t get yet. For a moment Eliott even suggested to come and look but stopped himself from the idea, giving the boy some space. Giving him a chance to trust him at least a little. Though, he doubted that would happen any time soon.

"It was a bad milkshake or what?" Eliott joked when Lucas finally appeared. The boy went straight to the car, having said nothing back. He looked angry. Really, really angry. His face was red and he was breathing heavily, clutching the phone in his hand. "Alright," Eliott murmured and followed him.

All the way to the house, the boy kept silent.

The moment they approached the house, Eliott felt troubles. The car of which he had been the driver just a few weeks ago told him that Lucille was near. But she wasn't seen anywhere around or in the car, where only the man of forties years was sitting, looking bored as hell.

"Fuck!" Eliott whispered under his breath.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Manon wrote to me when we were in the cafe, that Lucille came," Lucas finally woke up and grinned sneakily. There were no traces of anger on his face anymore.

Eliott didn't say anything back, knowing perfectly well that the boy was doing it just to get his reaction. Well, he was up to great disappointment. All his thoughts and emotions Eliott decided to save for Lucille. So he silently parked the car in the parking lot and climbed out of it, leaving Lucas alone. He didn't see his face, but he could guess that the boy wasn't pleased. Manon had been already on the doorsteps, waiting for them.

"Where?" He asked her, and she knew immediately what he meant.

"In the living room," she answered calmly and he went passed her.

Lucille was sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee in her hands. She had her hair done and she wore her tiny red skirt with black slinky polo-neck that looked good on her. There were red high heels on her legs and he was sure that if she would turn he would see a red lipstick. Eliott knew this look too well. She came to impress and to conquer the hearts.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, standing behind her, and she jumped off the sofa straight away, put her cup on the table and rushed to him.

"Eliott!" She exclaimed happily, wanting to hug him, but he stopped her on the way.

"What are you doing here?" He repeated his question, and by the look on her face, he knew his actions offended her. However, that was for the best.

"Well, you're ignoring my calls and messages. Milan told me that you aren't living in the flat anymore when I came, so here I am." She waved her hands apart in the air.

"It still doesn't explain what you're doing here!" Eliott crossed his hands around his chest, looking at her seriously.  Right now he wanted to strangle his neighbour for such a long tongue. But that was a problem that he would deal with later.

"Isn't it obvious?!"  That was obvious, but Eliott couldn't really admit it. "I want to know what the fuck is going on here and why he is taking away my driver!" Lucille exclaimed angrily, having pointed to someone behind Eliott's back. Having turned around, he saw Lucas, who was leaning against the doorframe, looking too invested in the scene.

"I felt like I needed some changes," Eliott shrugged his shoulders.

"And that's why you changed a stable work with me on him?" She asked, outraged, and then looked at the boy again. "I mean, no offence, babe, but we all know he won't last with you. Nobody will," she didn't even try to sound apologetic, but it didn't touch Lucas at all.

"No taken, darling," he smiled at her coldly and that little exchange was a perfect presentation of how little they really liked each other.

"Eliott, Daphne told me that you haven't signed the contract yet so you can still change your mind." She came closer and put her hands on his chest, which made him super uncomfortable. He glanced unpleased at Daphne, who was standing in the corner of the room, hiding her eyes. She probably realized what mistake she's made. Eliott had too many people who couldn't keep their mouth shut. "Come back to me! I don't know the reason why you left, but we can fix it! I promise!"

"Lucille," Eliott began, trying to sound gentle. He covered her hands with his own. He saw a real infatuation in her eyes and that made him feel sorry for her. She wasn't a bad girl, after all, she was just stupid enough to fall in love with him. "I've made my decision. I won't come back, I'm sorry," he took her hands away from his chest and let them drop. She was on the verge of crying now.

"Can we at least just meet and talk about everything? I can't just accept you cutting me off like that! I can't!" She declared, and Eliott felt Lucas' eyes on his back. That was time to wrap up the show.

"Ok, we'll meet and talk later," he lied just to help her feel better.

"When? Today?" She asked with hope, and Eliott shook his head.

"No, not today. I'm busy."

"Doing what? You're not officially working on him yet!" She was talking about Lucas again. At the moment she became a real Lucille again, who was too persistent and knew no boundaries.

"I'm meeting Idriss. He's not taking well my moving out. And before you ask, no, I can't reschedule. You know what he's like. He hates changes of plans," another lie slipped off Eliott's tongue, but at least, the invisible conflict between girl and Idriss could help him now. He always had a feeling that she was afraid of his friend, and that she won't say anything against him.

"But you promise that we'll meet, yeah?" The girl already sounded desperate, and now that was simply embarrassing.

"Of course," he reassured her, lying.  As soon as he would tell Mr Amateur about it, that would be the end for them. If there were any them at all. "I promise, I call you, ok? I just need some time to settle here and then we'll talk about everything," he repeated again and Lucille nodded. She bought it, which was great.

"Ok," she whispered, still upset. "I'll better go then," she concluded, and that was the right decision.

"Manon will walk you out," Lucas said. Eliott wanted to groan just at the realization that all this time the guy was here. He expected that the boy would have gotten bored at some point and then leave, but he stayed.

"Just call me, ok?" Lucille said once again, passing Eliott.

"Promise," he answered back. How good it was that promises meant so little these days.

Manon and Lucille left, and Daphne rushed back to the kitchen, not looking at Eliott. He would talk to her later. Lucas and Eliott were the only one left in the room.

"That was very touching." Lucas was savouring the moment, and the best Eliott could do was to leave him. "Where are you going?" The boy asked when the guy went past him.

"I guess, it's time to sign that fucking contract," he murmured but was pretty sure that Lucas' heard him.

The contract was typical. Nothing unusual. Nothing new. Everything was almost the same as in the contract of the Amateurs. For himself, he noted only a couple of important details. He really could walk away from the job whenever he wanted to. No penalty points, followed after that. He needed to contact Mr Lallmant on the matter of his son every 2-3 days, even if there was no new information. Considering that Eliott was living in his house, he could think that it was strange, but now it only proved how little time the man was spending there. The most significant part was about confidentiality, of course. Working on the family, and five years later he had no right to talk to any kind of the press about them and spread the private information. That was typical for such big pockets as Lallemant and Amateur to think that everybody wanted to know about their lives. Eliott himself couldn't care less about stuff like, and it wasn't in his style to spread other's people business. So that point wasn't a bother at all. Actually, nothing bothered him in that contract, and he read it three times to be sure of that, so he went down to Valentine's office.

The man was sitting at his table that was empty, only with the laptop on it. The laptop that Valentine closed as soon as he let Eliott in, having smiled at him politely.

"How was your ride with Lucas?" He asked, pointing him to the chair in front of his desk.

"That was alright," Eliott answered. He wondered what exactly the man wanted to hear from him. A couple of vague phrases or some concrete details. "He told me about the list of places where he can go.  I suppose you'll give me that?" He went straight to the business, avoiding further questions about the cafe. Despite his words to Lucas, he didn’t plan to tell the man anything he wasn’t sure in. Valentine nodded at that and opened a drawer of his desk to take out a green folder.

"Here you'll find all the information you need. The names of the places he can go to, his school schedule, all the necessary telephone numbers. You'll have a special phone too."

"Yeah, Lucas mentioned it. And all your spies in his life," Eliott half-smirked, and Valentine narrowed his eyes at him.

"Believe me, when I say that it's a needed extreme measure," he said, looking at the guy intense.

"Your methods are not my concern. I'm just here to do my job," Eliott said what Valentine surely wanted to hear from him.

"Does it mean you're signing the contract?" The man asked, and that was stupid. He's already moved into the house. As if he would have walked away now.

"Already signed." Eliott dropped a file on the Lallemants' table.

"I do, but the contract is fine by me." Eliott shifted a little. "I wanted to ask something about the house. Mr Amateur had a few cameras in his, but I didn't notice any of them here."

Cameras were the first thing Eliott expected to see in the Lalemants’ house. Valentine was controlling all Lucas' life and if he wasn't that much in the house himself, Eliott doubted that he trusted leaving him alone there. Eliott was observing the place all day, and he didn't notice a hint of any kind of cameras. That was weird. Yeah, there were girls, who were looking after Lucas, but that was obviously that they couldn't really be trusted, and they couldn't follow him everywhere. Valentine must have known about it.

"It's Lucas' house and not his prison, Eliott," Valentine stated. Eliott didn't comment on that, though he didn't really believe the man.

"Is there anything serious I need to know now?" He changed the topic.

"Everything you need to know about Lucas is in that folder. As for your schedule, you'll have Saturday as a free day from twelve till the late evening. Your only task that day will be to get Lucas to one place and pick him up after."

"What place?"

Eliott didn't mean to ask that out loud, but the words just slipped out, and Valentine gave him an annoyed look. He guessed he won't get an answer on that. And he didn't get it. Valentine just shook his hand, welcomed him on the job and gave him the look that was telling that it was time for him to leave. And Eliott left, feeling a little bit uneased after the conversation.

[Idriss]

how're you doing man?

how's your new mansion?

starting work tomorrow

what're you up to now?

wanna hang out?

nah, too exhausted

soz, man

that's alright

"Eliott! I thought you left!" Daphne caught him on their floor while he was leaving the bathroom.

"What do you mean?" Eliott was blindsided, so he didn't really think about what he was saying even a little bit.

"Didn't you have plans with your friend?" She asked, and Eliott remembered that the girl was actually in the room when he was telling about it Lucille.

"He bailed on me," Eliot didn't lie and pointed to his phone.

"Then let's go and have dinner with us!"

Daphne grabbed Eliott by his hand and began dragging him downstairs without even asking him. And Eliott could have started objecting, but he had nothing else to do, so why not? It was very quiet in the house. Eliott supposed it was always like that most of the times. He knew that Valentine has already gone, as he's heard him leaving while being downstairs and Lucas... well, he had no idea what Lucas was doing. He saw him once with Manon and then the boy left to his room and that was it.

"Look who I've found!" Daphne exclaimed when they both entered the kitchen. Manon was busy at the stove. However, the real shock was Lucas, who was serving the table.

"Didn't you have plans?" The boy asked him, intrigued.

In five minutes they were sitting around the table with mashed potato and grilled chicken on their plates that was pretty much awesome. The atmosphere in the room was strange, though. Eliott didn't feel that comfortable, sitting opposed to Lucas. Lallemant junior was glaring at him constantly, and Manon was looking worried at the boy. Only Daphne wasn’t bothered with all the weirdness.

"You and Lucille seem close," she commented, turning her head to Eliott. "At least she thinks that you're close!" She winked at him, and Eliott cursed in his head. He didn't really want to talk about it.

"Daphne, it's not your business," Manon hissed to the girl.

"What? I'm just curious!" Daphne didn't really saw the problem here. And according to Lucas' interested look, he wasn’t against discussing the theme either.

"There is nothing to be curious about," Eliott decided not to prevaricate. "She had feelings for me and that's why I had to leave the job. Now her heart is broken, and she's trying to win me back. But she'll get over it and everything will be fine."

"So it's "no" for relationships with the boss for you?" Daphne asked.

"Well, I've only had one boss till the moment, but yeah, getting into romantic relationships on your workplace isn't professional," Eliott answered, and Lucas leered at that.

"Mr Lallemant hired you when you had only one job like that before?" Manon asked, surprised. "The previous drivers had an ancient history in that field."

"I proved myself at the Amateurs house, and I'm really lucky that Mr Lallemant is a good friend of that family," Eliott stated, having caught Lucas' gaze again.  He raised his eyebrow at him as if asking "what is your problem?".  The boy just shook his head, chuckling, and then turned his attention to his plate.

"And you've already signed your contract?" Daphne asked again. Eliott wished she had changed the topic. That moment Lucas' phone vibrated.

"Yes.' Eliott nodded. Another vibration followed.

"Welcome to the team then!" Manon smiled at him, but the boy's phone interested her more than Eliott apparently. And here was another vibration. Lucas, who was just ignoring his phone for the past half an hour, looked at the screen, breathed out irritated, grabbed it and left the room. Manon's eyes were on him. "Why did you let him leave you in the cafe?!" Eliott's heard as soon as the boy left the room. He was shocked by the dramatic change of the conversation.

"What?" He asked, confused. Daphne gave him "good luck, man" look.

"I asked you to keep an eye on him, but you did what? Let him leave you for twenty minutes!" Manon was angry. And as much as that was interesting, it was also terrifying. He didn't want to cross the girls' road in that state.

"Emma, the cashier, is her best friend," Daphne explained how Manon knew that. And that made Eliott laugh.

"Spies of spies! That's just great!" He pronounced and Daphne smiled at that. Manon still didn't look happy. "He went out to the loo. What was I supposed to do? Follow him there and just listen?" He was reasonable. And Manon knew it. He saw it in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she exhaled, looking sincere.

"I suppose you won't tell me about the reason behind that?" Eliott asked hypothetically.

"It's just his problematic ex and Manon's ability to overreact. Emma would have told us if he was there," Daphne said to Manon, having proved Eliott wrong. She turned her head to him. "Blond guy called Sebastian. He's an ex, but be aware of him. He's trouble," she blurted out and then her eyes became wide as she's realized something and obviously got scared. "You know about his sexual orientation, right?"

"Yeah, relax, I know," he answered with a smile. The girl relaxed. "Does Valentine know about that guy?"

"No!" The girls answered simultaneously.

"And he can't know!" Manon continued. "Or he would send him away!"

"Why did you tell me then? You know my task here, and unlike you, Lucas is not my friend," Eliott pointed out. He probably really managed to conquer their trust by saving them the day earlier. That was stupid.

"I wasn't planning to do that, but someone's here just can't keep her mouth shut." Manon looked at her friend, who was now blushing.

"If that's guy is history, I won't say anything," Eliott promised. "But the moment I feel he's a danger, I'm going to Valentine," he stated, and the girls nodded.

"Thank you," Manon smiled at him.

"Just be careful with what and to whom you're saying," Eliott turned to Daphne. "I don't want to lose this job just because you'll spell something to someone and Valentine will send Lucas that will result in me losing my job!" He lectured the girl, and the guilt was written all over her face. Manon was smiling, pleased with the fact that he was on her side in that matter.

Lucas returned to them a few minutes later, looking disturbed.

"I'm going to bed now," he announced.

"But you haven't finished your dinner yet," Manon answered back, concerned.

"I've had enough. Thanks, Manon. As always, it was amazing," he smiled at the girl, and that was showing his real attitude to her. She obviously meant a lot to him. Then he turned to Eliott and the smile was gone. "We're leaving for school tomorrow at 8.20. Don't you even think to be late!" He said and then just turned around and left them again.

"You signed the contract," Daphne told him. "That means one thing: now you're his enemy number one after his dad."

Well... Eliott was ready to prove her wrong.

[ciarawritesmarvel]

wanderlust [2] - steve rogers

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 4.5k bish

Warnings: There is so much mutual pining in this that it actually annoyed me so do with that what you will. Not much language and an elderly woman who has a rather dirty mind

A/N: This took a while and I’m super sorry! Lack of inspo and time and all that jazz. Here is our first destination on the world trip, Gibraltar! I visited Gibraltar on a cruise nearly two years ago and it was gorgeous, one of my favourite places I've been to actually and so I included a couple things from my experience. I super duper hope you enjoy this and please do let me know what you think! <3

Summary: Your best friend and colleague Steve Rogers only really wants to make you happy, even if that means taking you around the world to do so. Will you satisfy your wanderlust or somehow wander into love?

Prompt: I love you. And I’m sorry if that scares you but it won’t change. I love you. I have for a while now. [written for Attie’s 4K Challenge Challenge! @barnesrogersvstheworld]

I’m going to start tagging in reblogs and my masterlist is in my bio if you want to find it! Enjoy! 

previous chapter

---

The window seat was comfy as you stared out into the expanse of blue and white, sky and cloud. There was nothing else as far as the eye could see and you felt worlds away from your usual life.

It was bliss.

JFK airport hadn’t been too stressful. Being there as a passenger turned out to be pretty great, especially when all your friends were the ones helping you through check in and security and at the boarding gate. You’d gotten fast passes here and there and everywhere and lots of well wishes for your travels.

There was a huge group hug with you and the night check in team and a round of individual hugs for good measure. It was as if you were leaving for months. Still, it was nice to see that you’d be just a little missed. Nat whispered something in your ear about birth control when you were hugging that made you pull away and fix her a warning glare. Steve had just shoved Bucky away from him when he’d made the same joke.

All the while, you and Steve had been grinning at each other whenever you got the chance. You’d been doing so ever since you sat down in Tony’s living room and he’d booked everything for you, after he’d been tackled in the biggest bear hug you’d ever given anyone and thanked a million times over. Pepper made you both promise to come over as soon as you were back to tell them everything and you realised that Steve had some great friends. Ones you’d love to call your own, and from now on, probably would.

The plane ride was about 11 hours with a singular stop in Gatwick Airport in London. There wasn’t time to explore London, unfortunately, but you did get a chance to peer out of a few windows and get a look at the extraordinarily different view to the New York City skyline. You even managed to convince Steve to take a few photos of you in front of some of the full size windows that stretched floor to ceiling and when an elderly lady offered to take picture of you two lovebirds, though the embarrassment was clear on your face, you hadn’t the heart to say no. It was a memory all the same.

Now, you were just a few minutes from touchdown in Gibraltar, a tiny province currently a UK territory and a place that Tony had decided would be a perfect start to your world journey. Full of tiny winding streets, little shops and cobbled paths. An easy way in to travel. You’d readily agreed of course, since you wouldn’t know where to start with the world anyway and some guidance was more than appreciated.

Steve had been asleep practically since you took off in London and you had made sure he was comfy by tucking a blanket you had brought specially around his form and easing a pillow under his head just as he was dropping off. You’d taken to leaning your forehead on the tiny window and watching the clouds drift by, only looking away every few minutes to check on Steve’s sleeping form with a small smile.

Now, with not long until landing, you felt the need to wake Steve up, even though you really didn’t want to. This was mainly because he looked so incredibly peaceful when he slept, worlds away from Stressed Work Steve, but also partly because you were sure you’d have a dent on your head from leaning against the window for so long and you just knew he’d laugh at you.

You tugged at him arm gently, at first, and then realised you’d have to be a little firmer, shaking him with a little more force. His eyelids began to flutter and you laid the hand that had been shaking him awake on his arm, a comforting weight as he woke up to unfamiliar surroundings: you knew Steve well enough to know that he could panic if he wasn’t reassured pretty quickly.

“Wakey wakey sleepyhead, we’re nearly in Gibraltar,” you whispered to him and he groaned, one hand coming up to rub his eyes as he squinted against the light of the plane cabin.

“Have I been ‘sleep all this time? Shoulda woken me up,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep and a couple notes lower than usual.

“You needed the rest and I was happy cloud watching, don’t worry.”

He was stretching out his limbs as best he could in the cramped space and you felt for him, such a tiny seat could not have been too comfortable. But he had been sleeping for two and a half hours without so much as a peep, so your worry dissipated real fast. He finally looked vaguely awake and he turned to you in his seat.

“Are you excited?”

“Is that even a question? I’m ecstatic, Steve!” you exclaimed, grinning with utter joy painted on your features, a grin that Steve couldn’t help but return even if he wanted to.

“Same here. I can’t believe we’re in Europe, right here, right now.”

“Oh my god, I hadn’t even thought of that! We’re in a completely different continent. That’s crazy.”

“It is,” Steve agreed, looking past you out of the window and suddenly tapping you and pointing outside.

You turned to look out of the window and nearly gasped aloud. You were in your descent and had come through a layer of cloud, clearly, because you could see the outline of land below you, just being able to pick out a coastline and Gibraltar rock. Continuing to stare and feeling Steve’s face close beside yours as he stared too, things became more visible, such as the clusters of buildings and ships on the shoreline. The entirety of the tiny territory of Gibraltar was completely laid out in front of your eyes.

Breathtaking.

It was the first word that came to mind. You turned to look at Steve, to check he was just as in awe as you were, but you hadn’t quite realised just how close you were. As you turned, your nose bumped his and you reeled back quickly, feeling your heart rate spike in warning. Too close.

Steve’s breath hitched but then came out as a heavy exhale through his nose when you shot backwards and away from him. He felt almost guilty for being so close, but he genuinely hadn’t noticed, his attention absolutely and utterly captured by the landscape spread out below. He fought to keep himself from blushing.

“It’s incredible right?” you managed to get out, praising yourself for the fact that your voice was only slightly croaky.

“Right,” he said, staring once again at the land laid out before you.

You squeezed his arm and grinned at him, the familiar excitement back as if the previous moment had never happened.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me Steve!”

He put his arm around your shoulders as you looked out at Gibraltar and the beauty and your words somehow made him forget about the moment too. Just being here with you was more than enough to warm his heart.

---

Steve had, due to his very nature, wound up helping the shuttle driver haul everyone’s bags into the side compartment of his shuttle. You waited for a minute or two outside but the heat was sweltering so you called to Steve that you were going to get you both seats on the shuttle. He nodded, but didn’t look up, exchanging some sort of joke with the driver as he picked up another bag.

Inside the shuttle, you made your way through the middle aisle and found a double seat near the back of the bus, quickly sitting in the seat nearest the aisle and placing your handbag on the window seat. Pushing your sunglasses up on top of your head, you wiped the sweat from your forehead, eyes wandering to Steve’s form outside. You sighed. Loudly.

He was still loading the shuttle and you couldn’t help but stare at his biceps as they curled with each lift and relaxed as he placed each bag down carefully. When you wiped sweat from your forehead, you felt sticky and overall pretty gross but when he wiped sweat from his brow, you were enraptured. He was glistening. When his top rode up as he grabbed a suitcase from the top of the luggage cart and you caught a glimpse of his abs, you blinked and looked away quickly, tugging your sunglasses back over your eyes and hoping they’d hide what was sure to be a lust driven expression.

“He’s a good looking lad, love,” a voice came from beside you and you turned to see an older lady smiling at you knowingly, “This your honeymoon?”

You laughed, albeit slightly shaky and confused.

“No, we’re just friends, seeing the world together!” you insisted with a kind smile but the woman snorted.

“If you’re just friends, I’ll divorce my wife here,” she looked at you with such a serious expression that you floundered for something to say but just as you did, the woman’s wife turned from the window and scowled at the lady who’d been talking to you.

“Would you stop using that as your ultimatum, Muriel?” she sighed, like she’d heard this all before and you couldn’t stop the smile at your lips at the glint in both women’s eyes. Muriel, as you now knew her, waved her wife away.

“It’s a figure of speech,” she insisted, “And they’re clearly not just friends, so I’m safe in saying it anyway.”

By this point you were flustered beyond belief and, as if the universe wanted to make it worse on purpose, it was at this moment that Steve entered the shuttle, caught your eye with a grin and made his way to you.

“There were a few more bags than I was expecting,” he chuckled breathlessly, shuffling past you and plopping down in the window seat after he’d moved your handbag. You stared at him slightly dumbfoundedly, having to look at the ceiling of the shuttle to avoid the urge to stare at his ass as he shuffled past you into his seat.

“Oh, never mind dear,” you heard Muriel’s wife whisper from across the way and you whipped your head towards them, finding both of them with silly fond smiles on their faces that made you shrink back into your seat, “You were so right!”

Steve noticed you looking over at the women and their funny looks towards the two of you. He smiled politely.

“Hi, I’m Steve!” he introduced himself brightly and with an enthusiasm that had the women looking at each and then you with a wry smile. You let out a puff of air through pursed lips and reached up to turn on your aircon. It was going to be a long half an hour.

---

As you stepped out of the shuttle and into The Square, Steve was helping the older women out, of course, so you took in the view. It was jarring to see a Costa in the corner, although you knew this wasn’t a completely different planet, it still felt wrong for such a modernity to adorn such beautiful cobbled streets. The shops were all crammed into the space as if they couldn’t quite fit but had been made to. There were arches that created an overhead bit of shade just outside one line of shops, the ground below was uneven, there were tourists taking pictures and locals selling wares. It was all rather European and all rather spectacular.

Grand Casemates Square, as a quick google told you it was actually called, was the perfect first destination. Stark had outdone himself.

“It was lovely to meet you, dears,” Hattie, Muriel’s wife, said from behind you and you turned back to her with a warm, genuine smile on your face, not being able to resist but pull her in for a quick hug, then turning to Muriel to do the same.

“You too! Have a wonderful honeymoon, ladies,” you said, still hugging Muriel.

“If you don’t at least shag him, you’re doing the world a disservice,” Muriel whispered in your ear and her british accent coupled with the shock of her words had you dissolving into laughter, pulling away from her and shaking your head as you continued laughing, ignoring Steve’s confusion as best you could.

The two women walked off together, arm in arm, towards the nearest chemist since Hattie wanted blister plasters and you and Steve watched them go, stood side by side. Steve nudged you with his shoulder.

“Not so young love, eh?” he mused wistfully, “What did she say to you anyway?”

You stared after them and felt the feelings for Steve that you’d been suppressing creep just one step closer to the forefront of your mind and out of the shadows of your unconscious. You pressed your lips together.

“Nothing,” you smiled at him, deciding to think about all of this a lot, lot later on, “Have you looked around yet?”

“It’s incredible. The arches are just...and the little shops...it’s just the whole atmosphere!”

“I know,” you breathed, looking around. Suddenly, you spotted a man, no, a statue of a man blowing glass outside a shop front with a sign:

Glass Blowing Exhibition

You pointed at it and Steve followed your gaze before chuckling and falling into step beside you as you walked over to it. As you stepped inside, you found a little room with what appeared to be wax figures in various steps of the glass blowing process. There were signs on the wall with explanations as to how the process worked and at the end of the room, an actual person working on some sort of incredible creation.

You read every sign and spent time looking at the figures and their work, finding the entire place fascinating. Every so often, either you or Steve glanced at the other and found them completely engrossed in what was happening around them, making both of you feel yet more contented. Your gazes never seemed to match up though.

Eventually, you came to the end of the room and watched the man doing the glass blowing, or rather, at this particular moment, glass shaping. He had a rod with glass on the end, in the shape of a bulb, and he was rolling the rod back and forth, back and forth, shaping the glass at the end. Then, after about thirty seconds, he would place the rod back into the fire, which you could feel the heat of from where you were, and the process would repeat itself.

Steve joined you after a while, shoulders bumping together as you both watched the man, seemingly in a trance as your eyes flitted back and forth with the glass.

“It’s a vase!” you exclaimed quietly and Steve looked at you quizzically.

“What? No it isn’t.”

“Yes it is!”

“It’s clearly a bowl.”

“A bowl? What the hell is wrong with you Steve, it is not a bowl.”

He didn’t answer, just gestured towards the glass, as if looking at it proved his point. It most certainly did not. You glared at him.

“Excuse me, sir?” he asked and your eyes widened, hitting him on the arm in an attempt to stop him from disturbing the man just for a silly quarrel. But the man had already looked up, “Can I ask what you’re making?”

“A wine glass,” the man answered with a kind smile before turning back to his work before you could get in another word.

“Doesn’t look like a wine glass,” Steve muttered to you and you shook your head in agreement, shrugging as if the man was crazy. Of course, he wasn’t, but it was fun to pretend you two were the ones in the know here.

You signalled for Steve to follow you in the adjacent room, the shop, in which a variety of blown glass pieces including, surprise surprise, wine glasses, were stocked for people to buy. They were gorgeous. Varying colours and styles, dinky little animals and massive garden ornaments. You looked around, reaching out to touch a cat but retracting your hand in fear of breaking anything.

“These are incredible Steve. How do you make things like this out of glass?”

“Years of practice, I would guess,” he answered, marvelling just the same as you were at all the wares, “But they’re also incredibly expensive.”

He held up a label to you and you gawped. That was a lot of money, you could tell that despite the currency difference.

“Ready to go?” you asked and Steve looked up at you then looked away again, back at the items in the shop.

“Give me a minute or two, you go on into the square and get some pictures.”

You nodded, touching his arm as you wandered past him and back out of the shop. You pulled your camera out of your bag and snapped a few pictures of the square, including one of a particularly skilled street performer who appeared to be horizontal above a motorcycle. Though you knew he was resting on a steel beam under his leg, the appearance was still impressive.

By the time Steve joined you outside, you were flicking through the pictures on your camera, smiling at some of your favourites. You saw him out of the corner of you eye and waved him over excitedly.

“Say cheese!” you exclaimed excitedly, throwing your arm around his shoulder and tugging him down to your height, holding you camera out in front of the two of you to take a selfie. You’d picked the exact position so that the arches were in the background and the light was framing you just so. Steve chuckled at your excitement and your nose wrinkled in happiness so you snapped the photo right at that moment.

Looking at it, you’d picked the right moment. You both looked so naturally carefree. Steve looked handsome as anything. Perfect.

It was only when you lowered the camera and stuffed it back into your bag that you saw Steve holding a small plastic bag. Your eyebrows raised.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s for you,” he said, slightly sheepishly, and he was either warm or embarrassed if the colour of his cheeks were anything to go by. He held the bag out to you and you took it hesitantly. Opening it up, you found a wad of tissue paper which you pulled away to reveal a tiny pair of glass elephants, sky blue, their trunks entwined together. It was gorgeous. You looked up at Steve, whose gaze was trained on a specific cobblestone.

“Steve! You shouldn’t have, they were all so expensive!”

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to leave without some sort of souvenir.”

You wrapped the elephants back in their tissue paper with careful, steady hands then placed the bag itself in your handbag, surrounding it with soft items to keep it safe. Then, you threw yourself at Steve, quite literally, in a bear hug, arms wrapping around his neck. His own wound around your waist as you pulled him as close as possible in a tight squeeze. He could feel your grin in the curve of his neck and had to suppress a shiver, even though it was warm in Gibraltar.

“You’re the best person-” you began softly, stopping when you realised you couldn’t quite say the rest without possibly crying, or getting sad, or at least releasing a few more of those feelings you’d locked away. You tried a different approach, “You’re just the best.”

“I try, sweetheart,” he said with a confidence you didn’t often hear and it made both of you giggle, him still trying to keep himself steady in your arms. It was difficult not to crumble within them, let his knees buckle at the weight behind your words. So difficult, in fact, that he pulled away far sooner than he wanted to and held out his arm for you to hook your own through it, “Shall we take a wander, Lady Y/N?”

You snorted.

“Don’t do your Odinson impression, Steve, I swear those brothers are from a different planet,” you laughed, the brothers in question being two colleagues who worked the day shift. Thor had kissed your hand when he first met you and Steve had almost broken his hand when he shook it.

Nevertheless, you linked arms with him and gestured for him to lead the way, laughing again when he began skipping wildly in the direction of a small side street, with a few tiny boutiques on it. You skipped with him, not worried about what you might look like as you might usually be, cackling as Steve stumbled on a loose stone and you had to hold him up.

This was already the best day of your life.

---

As the evening glow descended on the streets around you, turning every surface into a mixture of bright oranges and soft pinks, you and Steve walked on aching feet towards the place you were staying. You’d asked Tony to make sure he wasn’t putting you up in 5 star hotels, since it was hardly a realistic tourist experience and, though confused, he obliged.

Your hotel therefore, was hardly a hotel at all. It was a small B&B place above a cafe, requiring you to trudge through the cafe and up a steep flight of stairs to reach your room. It was all blue, walls, floor and beds, with limited storage space and the tiniest bathroom you’d ever seen. It was perfect.

“I’ll hop in the shower, if that’s okay?” you asked Steve as he stuffed your suitcases under the bed. You’d paid the shuttle service an extra fifty for them to deliver your bags to your B&B so that you didn’t have to carry them around all day but you still decided not to unpack, it would take up time you didn’t have.

“Of course, no problem.”

You went into the bathroom and locked the door. Steve plopped himself down onto the bed, lying down and placing his hands behind his head. He sighed contently. He heard the water turn on in the other room and almost the second it did he heard a distinct humming coming from the bathroom. He grinned.

He listened intently for the tune, squinting as he tried to make it out, despite the fact that he was listening and not looking. After about a minute, his face lit up.

“That’s a RuPaul song!” he called out to you in triumph and he heard your laugh as clear as anything.

“You shouldn’t know that, Steve.”

“You’re the one who made me watch the damn show!” he called before adding in a mutter, “-and the artistry is just amazing…”

You were still laughing and he was chuckling to himself as he lay there staring at the ceiling. But then, completely unwanted, his mind wandered to the fact that you were currently in the shower and suddenly he wasn’t laughing anymore.

You came out of the bathroom wrapped in just a towel and he thought he was going to have to run out of the room. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling.

“Shower’s still warm if you want it,” you offered and he was just about to decline when he looked at you again and decided a shower might not be a bad idea if you were going to get dressed while he was in there. He scurried in with a quick thank you.

You hurried about the room, getting dressed, wanting to be completely ready by the time Steve emerged again. Being in a towel in front of him had you all sorts of self conscious and you wanted to be dressed as soon as possible. You choose a blue off the shoulder jumpsuit for the evening, white embroidery on the bodice and can’t help but compare the blue to that of Steve’s eyes, even though the thought makes you want to slap yourself around the face.

Once ready, you sit in the chair next to the big window, legs pulled up to your chest and flick through your phone, finding the Gibraltar section of Tony’s email. There was a restaurant he was desperate for you to try so you put the details into maps and were delighted to find it only a five minute walk away. It was really beginning to get dark.

Steve came out with a just a towel wrapped around his waist. Oh Christ.

Your eyes were flicking around everywhere. Window. Chest. Chair. Lap. Chest. Bed. Wall. Chest.

Apparently they were gravitating towards Steve’s chest. Which was surprising. Not.

He shrugged on a white shirt and began buttoning it and you were finally free of the spell, coughing slightly as you returned your attention to you phone and breathed somewhat steadily to calm your heart rate once more.

You stayed looking down and saw Steve enter the bathroom again with a pair of shorts, presumably to change without an audience. You scolded yourself. It was unfair of you to look at him as you did, unfair to objectify him in such a way.

It was wrong.

Steve, meanwhile, was dressed, shorts on and taking just another second before coming back into the bedroom. You looked great in blue. Always did.

“Ready for dinner?” he asked you as he re-entered the bedroom and you jumped up from your chair, far too quickly, nodding your head eagerly.

“Ready!” your voice was higher than usual and had he even a semblance of self-confidence he would’ve worked it out then. Almost anyone else would have.

He’d talked himself out of having a chance with you. He’d talked himself into thinking you would never see him as he did you, that you could never. It was his own fault entirely.

As it was, he didn’t notice anything wrong with your voice and simply handed you your white heels from beside the door, helping with the strap on the left one when you couldn’t quite manage it. 

“You look-” he paused and looked over you once more, just to make sure you knew he meant it. Your whole body was on fire, “-beautiful. Really.”

“And I’m liking your James Bond on a family vacation look too, Steven,” you teased, taking in his white shirt, green shorts and the sunglasses hung in the middle of his shirt. He smiled.

Your hand was in his as he helped you down the stairs and made a joke about your heels that had you throwing your head back with raucous laughter. The owner of the B&B gave you such an incredulous look that you both hurried out of the cafe before she kicked you out.

Steve ended up giving you a piggyback all the way to the restaurant. You both fell over, but that didn’t seem to matter. As you lay at the side of the street, with a spanish man stood above you offering to help as you cried with laughter, you looked over at Steve’s teary face and decided something. Something you’d be denying for far, far too long.

You were definitely in love with your best friend. Unfortunately.

next chapter

[cath-with-a-c]

When there really was no other way - a different father-son dynamic in AC (rant)

This is a continuation of my other post, focusing a lot on the relationship between William and Desmond, where I talked about the abusive behavior, and how it seems to be lowkey condoned in a lot of media. Warning - this post is super long

One of the most popular defenses when it comes to parental abuse is the idea that “there was no other way”, that in order for the child to benefit in the long run you have to hurt them now. The real-world example would be medical procedures and certain types of physical therapy, that hurt no matter how gently you go about them, but they are important to the child’s well-being and/or survival.  In fiction, particularly in fantasy/sci-fi, it’s usually some type of training or skill, that has to be acquired in limited time, or ability, that can only be unlocked under pressure, that a child needs to survive because the world is more dangerous than ours.

While there are situations where this is plausible and works, still not excusing the fact of the abuse but making the person committing it less disgusting. the idea of “there was no other way” gets grossly misused. And, when William’s behavior towards Desmond is being shoehorned in that category, I get mad, because no, William is just abusive. What’s more, there IS a father-son relationship in AC-universe (albeit in the comic), that does fall under “there was no other way”. 

I’m talking about Nikolai Orlov and his son Kenya, Daniel Cross’ ancestors as portrayed by comic “Assassin’s Creed - The Chain”.   In 1926, Nikolai and Kenya live off the grid somewhere in the US, hiding form both Assassins and Templars. At one point in the comic, an 8-year-old Kenya is made to sleep outside as a punishment during winter until he manages to do his father’s bidding.

If we take the situation without context, it is a clear picture of parental abuse. However, I can name a few reasons, accurately presented in the comic, that make it “there was no other way” situation and why the same points don’t work for William and Desmond. The list of 5 (-ish) reasons is as follows: #0 - Do we know them? This is not an actual reason, that’s why it’s at #0, but it’s a good foundation - for us, Nikolai isn’t a new character, we are not introduced to him making his 8yo son sleep outside. There already was a 3-issue comic, that gave us an insight on his character and values, we have an opinion on him. 

William, on the other hand, gets an introduction by being an asshole to others and showing no normal human emotion in the face if his son being in a coma and his protege’s death. Granted, I’m not sure if the Ubisoft tried to make his connection to Des a surprise, but his first full introduction at the start of AC3 when we already know he is the father is... actually the same - him being an asshole.

#1 - An established good parent One of the main reasons why for me the comic situation is more plausible is that Nikolai is established as a good parent by the narrative. He and Kenya live off the grid, all alone, away from people, he has no one to impress by being a socially adequate parent. However, his behavior toward Kenya is undoubtedly supportive and loving.  The comic starts with the father and son hunting and Kenya being a soft-hearted kid, being unable to shoot the already wounded doe.  Nikolai’s reaction? He tries to cheer his son up, by joking that next time they can hunt fenceposts. He doesn’t show any disappointment or anger, he doesn’t belittle Kenya for failing him. From their interactions, we get the sense that Nikolai, while very jaded by everything that happened to him, tries his best to be a good father to his only son. 

This is important because the “no other way” scenario only works if it’s not the norm, If the abuse is limited to that particular situation and not all-encompassing. 

William, once again, isn’t shown to be even somewhat good parent, at least not objectively, like Nikolai. The only moment when Bill is objectively not terrible comes in AC: Revelations when he talks about how Desmond killed Lucy, and he got to train both of them and it’s sad. It’s a simple dialog line, with an appropriately soft tone of voice (also a side note - gotta give it to the voice actor - he fucking nails the arrogant asshole voice, I literally get hives), and the way it’s so unlike Bill is lampshaded by Shaun, asking him if he’s gone soft. Every other instance of Bill being not terrible comes from Desmond whose perception is skewed by the impending doom. That’s why the attempt to establish something similar to comic in AC4, in the audio file n3, doesn’t work - it’s from Desmond’s perspective, it’s not objective. 

#2 - No time to waste (or literally any other external constraint) When the “no other way” scenario is used right, there are constraints in place, that lead to parent turning to abuse as the last resort. In fiction, it’s usually a lack of time to train or acquire the skill properly.

In the comic, the abuse comes after another assassin, Sergei, finds Nikolai and threatens Kenya’s life. Realizing, that soon there will be more people coming through and that he is a bit too old to properly protect his son (he has to be at around 60-70 at the time), Nikolai resorts to speed-training Kenya how to ambush and kill, using himself as target and bait.  It’s, honestly, brutal and heartbreaking, watching a sweet, soft kid gradually losing his humanity in order to do his father’s bidding. And even more so when you realize, that before that Nikolai was willing to take his son’s education in this particular area as slow as he could - and now that opportunity is gone, because the enemy could come knocking on their door any day (another side note - I actually believe that sleeping outside was not only a punishment and incentive but also done so that if the attack happen, the kid had better chance at getting out). 

One could argue, that the time crunch existed in William’s and Desmond’s case too, and that one would be wrong. We are actually shown, how the pre-Daniel Cross assassin communities looked like - mostly in passing, but one of them is shown inside and out. In previous comic, the Fall, Daniel ends up in one of the assassin compounds. It’s large enough that the people living there don’t necessarily know everyone else who lives there (that’s why at first they believed Daniel was from there), it’s located close enough to the city that no one bats an eye on someone sneaking out to get drunk unless they get so pissed they start mistaking civilians for Templars. The general vibe the compound leaves is akin to Xavier’s school from X-men. Those assassin’s don’t look like they are on the verge of running, they look like equal players, just not as public as Templars. And at the same time, out there in the Black Hills, 11-year-old Desmond is going through training from hell while unable to ever leave the compound and already losing any belief in the cause.

What’s interesting is that time crunch could be applied to Desmond’s upbringing, if he was made younger - 21 instead of 25, or if the Daniel’s Purge was moved from 2000 to 1996. That would create a situation where most of the Brotherhood is gone, the Farm is one of the last communes left standing, and they have to suddenly up Desmond’s training, while he’s around 9 years old, and probably yet to realize what happened and why.  

#3 - Tangible threat Segwaying from #2, the threat is another thing that makes “no other way” situation work. Usually, the threat is what creates constraints for training, while also fueling the parent’s want to give the child a survival chance, and that overrides their morals. 

In the comic, the threat is tangible and undeniable to both Nikolai and Kenya - they’ve already been attacked, and there are more people to come.

In the games, while the threat is real, it’s not immediate. Moreover, it never becomes more than a boogieman to Desmond, because there’s no evidence given, just war stories (yet another side note - in one of @esamastation‘s works, sometime yesterday, there was a very interesting take on why the education on the Farm was built as it was. Check it out, it’s far better than anything I could ever write). Desmond isn’t dumb, I highly doubt he’d miss something like an active attack, or the fact that some adults go away from the Farm and never come back for no reason. So it means that objectively Desmond was safe all along - moreover when he’d run away, it took Templars nine years to find him. The threat was never as close as it would need to be to warrant abuse.

#4 - Limits For the “no other way” scenario to work, the abuse should not be something the parent usually does, and that means, amongst other things, that it’s supposed to be limited to a specific instance.

In the comic, the abuse is limited to Nikolai having a specific goal in mind - for Kenya to learn how to ambush and kill without hesitation; when the goal is achieved? The abuse stops immediately. As soon as Kenya proves that he is ready to defend himself from anyone, Nikolai stops him and embraces him, reassuring the kid. 

In Bill’s and Desmond’s case... well, let me just quote Desmond himself on this: “What scared me was the training. Sweat, tears, bloody lip every once in a while. How far were they going to push me? I couldn't stand it! What was the point? For years and years I thought some major catastrophe was on the horizon. I didn't know what to expect. “ (c) Desmond’s Journey - Training. I’m not gonna even comment on this.

#5 - Payoff Last but not least - if there is no other way, then it has to mean something, contribute to the story at large. The abuse becomes a setup - and needs a payoff

In Kenya’s case, the harsh training he received was pivotal to his survival. His ambushing skill helped him get the attackers into a trap, and in the end, he mercy-killed his father and the last attacker in one shot an managed to escape. If there was no training, he would’ve been a liability and ended up dead.

However, in Desmond’s case you could actually delete the abuse part altogether, make Bill a harsh, but not abusive father and nothing would change to Desmond’s arc. The abuse wasn’t the reason he’d run away - the reason was his lack of belief in a cause and his want to see the world. His arc was about embracing his identity as an Assassin - and you still could have this internal conflict without the abuse part. His external conflict with Bill also didn’t need abuse to back it up - they have dissonant values. Even the training doesn’t factor in - Desmond gets re-trained using the Animus. There is no payoff

In conclusion, while parental abuse is inexcusable, there are ways to portray it in a manner that wouldn’t have your audience lining up to kill the parent. But in the end, it’s still important to understand, that even the abuse that comes from a place of love and out of genuine necessity (and not just justified in this way) can still fuck the victim over and they don’t have to forgive the parent. It just makes the parent not a total scumbag. (thanks for sticking with me till the end)

[terramythos]

Review: The Stone Sky by N. K. Jemisin (The Broken Earth #3)

Length: 398 pages.

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Science Fiction, Apocalyptic, Post-post-post Apocalyptic, Dystopia, Female Protagonist, Antagonist POV, First-Person, Second-Person, Third-Person, Gray Morality, Dark, Great Worldbuilding, Great Character Development, LGBT Characters, Diverse Cast, Trilogy, Perfect Score 

Warning(s): This is probably the most optimistic of the trilogy, but it’s still not a happy series. Abuse/torture, slavery, graphic violence and gore, and major body horror. References to child death. 

My Rating: 5 / 5 

**WARNING: THIS REVIEW (INCLUDING THE SUMMARY) CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST TWO BOOKS. IF YOU WANT A SPOILER FREE REVIEW, PLEASE READ MY FIFTH SEASON REVIEW (X), OR, BETTER YET, JUST READ THE SERIES.**

My Summary:

The reckoning of the world has come. Essun, who has lived a life of suffering and loss, finally has a home to call her own. But she is one of the last living humans who can harness The Obelisk Gate and return the Moon to the world, finally quelling Father Earth’s rage and ending the apocalyptic Seasons forever. She knows such an act will  cost her life. 

Her daughter Nassun, meanwhile, has seen that the cruelty of the world cannot be reconciled. More powerful than her mother, she seeks the power of The Obelisk Gate for another purpose— to end the suffering of others, forever. 

And finally, Hoa reveals the origins of himself and the other stone eaters— the immortal, humanoid statues who have their own stakes and motives in this conflict. His is a chilling tale of a utopia built on the suffering of others… a cycle humanity seems unable to break, even 40,000 years after the Seasons began. 

Does humanity deserve another chance? Only one will decide the fate of the Earth.

Time grows short, my love. Let’s end with the beginning of the world, shall we? Yes. We shall.

Minor spoilers and my thoughts follow.

Here’s my dilemma— this is the final book in a series, and I find it impossible to talk about any final entry without reflecting on what came before it. For better or worse, everything ties together somehow in the last book. In this case I’d say “for better”, because this book was great, and an excellent way to conclude a thought-provoking and wonderful trilogy. But nevertheless, I’ll probably be discussing the series as a whole in this review.

So, yes, this was a really good conclusion. Definitely not where I expected things to end up, based on the opening premise, but that’s not a bad thing, and it’s been interesting to see how the story and characters have molded and changed. Honestly, I don’t have some master plan on how to style this review, except by discussing all the different parts of the story that really clicked for me.

I’m a sucker for “fate of the world” type stories, and I’m glad that The Stone Sky finally takes this direction. It’s really something to see how far Essun has come. She starts as a scared little girl hiding in a barn and is now a forty-something woman with the destiny of humanity in her hands. You can see all the steps that lead her to this point, but there’s something truly epic about any story that includes such a level of growth. It’s been an often-painful ride, but one I’ve really enjoyed nevertheless.

Obviously, I have to talk about the characters. Everyone was SO interesting. Even characters you were supposed to dislike initially had fascinating development over time. Schaffa is the obvious example, as we saw in The Obelisk Gate, but that continues in The Stone Sky as well. In this one there’s a minor antagonist from the previous book who gets called out on her bullshit and… changes her behavior accordingly. Hell, the leading antagonist of the entire series, Father Earth, the force that has caused the death and destruction of billions of people, has justifiable motives.

And you look at Essun, who is generally a good person at heart, and some of the terrible things she’s done (which is ESPECIALLY relevant since the narrator likes to see the best in her). Her daughter Nassun fills the “destroy the world” role, but even her motivations for doing so come from a place of compassion. It’s… interesting, to say the least. And that’s not to say that there aren’t minor characters who are pretty awful the whole time, but those are noticeably the irredeemable bigots, which makes sense for the type of story being told here.

You know what I mentioned in my Obelisk Gate review (x) about gray morality? Yeah. Everyone major is a complex character. Who knew?

As for specifics, I already named most of my favorite characters in my Obelisk Gate review, and that pretty much continues here. There are some new faces introduced (or re-introduced) in this one, but for the most part the focus is on an established cast, emphasizing how they’ve grown and changed over time. There’s plenty of examples. Essun, despite everything, has started to move past a lot of her trauma and open up to other people. Nassun has her own found family in Schaffa, but nevertheless continues to spiral down a destructive path. Probably the most significant development in this one is Hoa, our intrepid narrator, who finally reveals his origins and backstory. I found him fascinating because he directly states his motives several times, yet we don’t really know his intentions until this book. It’s been a ride back and forth, but I think he’s probably one of the most interesting characters in the series. He’s a far cry from the minor helper character he seems to be at first.  

While the first two books had snippets from Hoa’s perspective, he becomes a full-fledged perspective character in The Stone Sky, and reveals a lot about the world and general themes of the story. This entry also humanizes him a great deal. We already knew he identifies as a human, that he’s one of the oldest stone eaters alive, but not necessarily what that means to him until now. Most of his story explores how the world got to its current, cyclical apocalypse-state, tied to the origins of the stone eaters. Despite the time leaps, Jemisin keeps it all relevant and interesting; it never feels jarring to switch between disparate perspectives. That’s true for the other books as well, and I think it speaks quite well of her writing. One really satisfying part about Hoa’s perspective in this entry is we get an actual, canon explanation for why he’s narrating Essun’s life in second-person. Over the course of the series he lapses into first-person sometimes, or narrates in a very stylistic way, and all of that starts to make sense too. There’s even solid reasoning to the whole unreliable narrator thing! It was a nice touch to tie off the series.

This entry into the series also gives us a chance to look at long term worldbuilding. Specifically, there’s a LOT of slow burn/long con details about the world that we finally figure out here. One really interesting detail is the concept of “icewhite eyes”. Basically, it’s a rare eye color that’s commonly seen as a bad omen. The Fifth Season seems to play this straight; two named characters have icewhite eyes. One is the then-monstrous Schaffa. So, bad omen, check. The other is Hoa, who we figure out pretty early isn’t quite human (at least how we see it), and has mysterious— possibly sinister— intentions. So, check off the bad omen there, right? Except BOTH of these characters develop in unexpected ways. Schaffa becomes— of all things— a strong father figure for Nassun. Hoa is, well, Hoa, and full of spoilers, but it should be obvious by now he’s a pretty complex guy. Finally, in The Stone Sky, we learn where the negative beliefs about icewhite eyes come from, and it is… well, pretty fucked. It’s obviously allegorical, but the reader doesn’t really get the extent of it until this book, which makes it all the more insidious. It ties wonderfully to the anti-bigotry, anti-oppression themes of the novel, and does so by completely playing the reader.

This is just one example of many, and I’m willing to bet this series is a fun one to re-read due to all the future context. But now to focus on things that generally apply to the series, rather than something this book in particular focuses on.

Generally speaking, there are things about the world that I really like, now that I’ve had three books to consider them. One big thing that played with my expectations was orogeny as a concept; for all intents and purposes it feels like this world’s version of magic. But as the series goes on you learn orogeny isn’t magic at all; just an evolutionary trait future humans picked up (I mean, the term “oroGENE” implies this, but…). Not only that, but traditional magic does exist, and is very relevant to the story. The stone eaters were also super interesting. They were way different than most generic “fantasy races,” and getting their backstory in this entry made them even more compelling to me. They’re uncanny and sort of creepy at first, but the more you learn about them the more explainable their behavior becomes.

I’ve talked so much about the things I like about the series that I’ve neglected to mention the writing itself… it’s very good. Exquisite, even. I’m not sure how else to describe it— Hoa has a very strong voice— humorous (often bitterly) and cognizant of the little details. I loved the fun poetic bits that experiment with typeface and line breaks. There’s even a part where The Important Words Were Capitalized, which felt so natural with how people type now that I’m surprised I haven’t seen it much in literary works. The trilogy was very fun to read based purely on the writing. Even if it had been lacking in content, which it wasn’t, I think I still would have enjoyed it purely for the craft.

Certain themes are omnipresent in this series, and there were several that really struck a chord with me. Obviously, the cycles of oppression the characters face are allegorical to the real world. One thing I REALLY like about this series is how much it defends the downtrodden, something I feel mainstream fantasy often fails to do. So many series seem to WANT an oppressed class in their fantasy world, then are completely apathetic to what that means, or don’t bother to challenge the issues such an inclusion brings. It’s like “oh, well, this happens in the real world, so I should have some sort of allegory for racism/sexism/homo/transphobia”. Not so here— The Broken Earth is about the full implications of oppression and why it’s so wrong, why it’s so unjust. The Fifth Season’s dedication reads “For all those who have to fight for the respect that everyone else is given without question” and honestly that was the point I knew this series and I were going to click. Just because we are looking through a fantasy lens does not make these things any less horrible or ugly, and I’m glad the series takes such a strong stance against dehumanization and oppression.

Another overarching theme I was surprised impacted me so much was that of parenthood. A character early in the series says “Children will be the ruin of us.” It’s a haunting line in context, and thematically it sticks through the rest of the series. Essun’s motherhood is a central part of her character— striking because initially she has no desire to be a mother. She is, arguably, not even a very good mother in the traditional sense— but her protectiveness of her children ultimately defines a lot of the story. It’s hard to go into detail without broaching major spoiler territory, but it’s a consistent and heart-wrenching theme that persists all the way to the end. That particular line is literal for many, many events in the story.

I discussed representation in my previous reviews, so I won’t retread that much, but stories like this prove just how easy it is (and should be) to be inclusive. It makes sense that the cast is so diverse in this series, because it is very much about the oppressed and the issues they face. Wouldn’t make any sense to have that central concept, then focus on a bunch of straight white guys. But that being said, I think this series is a great example of how  writing can be better in terms of representation. This is the only fantasy series I’ve ever read where the main protagonist is a 40-something black mother. And there should be much, much more out there. Since getting into this series I’ve found myself looking critically at a lot of mainstream entertainment, and its failure to represent minority groups beyond a few token characters. It was a problem I was aware of, but this series makes it look so easy that I find myself even more annoyed that most people don’t bother.

I’m not going to lie— The Broken Earth is a pretty bleak series. A lot of really horrible shit happens to the main cast. Hell, the opening premise is that (a) a toddler was murdered by his father, and (b) the world is about to end forever, killing millions of people. Most of the early content focuses on a brutalized slave class, hated by society for the crime of having a certain evolutionary trait. But the series is also about the small moments of hope that shine through despite these things. Happiness and compassion are worth celebrating, because they remind us that there is something worth fighting for in the world, no matter how hopeless and awful things seem. We see characters who are victimized and beaten down ultimately come into their own truths and find their own families and reasons to live. So yeah, it’s a dark series, but I wouldn’t have had it other way. I hope someday I can meet N. K. Jemisin to thank her for writing these. They’ve given me a lot to think about.

[leejeongz]

Stray Kids reaction to having to do a duet with their crush

😎thank you for the compliment sweetheart, I hope you enjoy (sorry some are kinda short I was running out of original ideas)😎

Bang Chan:

Chan knew you had musical talent but to what extent he didn’t know. Classes usually weren’t that challenging, only once a ‘15% of your grade’ performance came up did you truly let go. You decided to partner up with Chan, your crush for years, it was hard not to fall for his cute dimple and perfect curls, not to mention his dedication to music. When you asked him to join you he was taken back. He didn’t expect such confidence, if anyone ever made a first move he always expected it to be him. You exchanged numbers and stopped by his dorms since you walked with him that evening. His room was spotless, a few stuffed toys (as expected) and lots of musical equipment. There became an awkward silence when his roommate Changbin walked in but he soon left. You picked up Chan’s guitar and randomly strummed some chords. He turned around, a huge smile on his face. Tonight was the best night ever! He could get used to this. You kept playing the same rhythm while he fiddled with his computer and soon you created a song. It was undeniably the best thing you’d ever heard, you knew this was the best you, when you were with Chan.

“I can’t wait to perform this live, if you get nervous you can hold my hand I guess. Oh wait you’ll be holding a guitar silly me.”

Woojin:

You were called up to the front of the class, a nervous wreck. You had an excellent voice, but what if others didn’t think so? When the teacher saw your shaking hands holding the lyric sheet even though you learnt the words off by heart, she invited up the person who’d coincidentally chosen to sing the same song as you. Although it wasn’t strictly allowed to do it together, your teacher was understanding of the anxieties you currently faced and decided to make things a tiny bit better. Woojin stood next to you, looking directly forward trying not initiate eye contact as you prepared yourselves which would have been the biggest distraction for him, the class all expecting something fantastic. Together, you did not disappoint. You hit all the high notes perfectly and yours and Woojin’s voices matched together well. As you sung, you often heard Woojin lower the volume of his voice, making yours shine brightly as the main one. Your voice was one that deserved to be shown off and Woojin made sure you knew that for the rest of the school year.

“Hey y/n, do you remember our little duet? The one where you sounded like an angel? Yeah that one”

Lee Know:

You were sick on the day that the teacher picked your partners for the annual poetry competition. It was against all the other schools in your area and you usually came within the top 5. This year your partner was Minho, the guy that just texted you “hey boo we’re writing words together be at my house by 6 else I’ll burn your gym clothes next week.” You knew he couldn’t burn your gym clothes but erm you were still scared because it’s Minho ofc. 5:50 you arrived at his door, poetry pre written since you knew Minho wouldn’t do much tonight. He opened the door wearing a clean white shirt and jeans. You looked down at your outfit, a white top with slightly too skinny for Minho to handle jeans, what a funny coincidence. He showed you inside and took you to Chan’s room. His idea was to write it like a rap, with flow and a rhythm so he could take part too since he found poetry boring. When you finished creating it, you decided that Minho was to rap it all and you would repeat words for emphasis, Minho claiming it was too strenuous or a pretty little mouth of yours to rap at such high speed.

“We all have are separate talents y/n, but we share the extremely good looking talent”

Changbin:

He never really took notice of you in music class before, not that you weren’t an amazing person or anything, just that music is what Changbin is most passionate in, it takes a lot to distract him. Partner work was something he dreaded since the class was compulsory meaning talent was really lacking until you came to his house one day. The teacher partnered you two up that day and you pair exchanged numbers. You had previous lyrics that you had worked on to show Changbin but you didn’t think they’d be good enough for him, what with him being the literal genius in the field. You showed up at his door with your phone and a few snacks for you two, wearing the same clothes as for school yet somehow you looked different to Changbin, a lot cuter, maybe it was because he had time to study your beautiful features.

You presented Changbin with your lyrics yet he didn’t notice, too busy fawning over your beauty. You moved the paper forward with more emphasis and he invited you in shaking his head to snap out of the trance. The lyrics were amazing, he was super impressed and didn’t you just know it.

“This is better than what I had planned! Y/n you’re a lyrical genius! You’re so perfect is there anything you can’t do?!”

Hyunjin:

You and Hyunjin had every single class together. When he wasn’t staring at you, you were staring at him. All the teachers noticed. The final straw as in music class, you were getting the bongo drums from the corner of the music room, eyes still fixed on Hyunjin when you tripped, landing in the instrument trolly. Hyunjin giggled but the teacher didn’t find it as funny. “Y/n today you aren’t working with your friends, please work with someone else as punishment, how about Hyunjin?” You were secretly so happy to be working with him and the feeling was mutual. Your vibes clicked instantly and the beat you created was so unique but also amazing! You were so in sync with each other and began to work together more. Shoutout to the music teacher for creating this magnificent duo.

“We work well together, maybe it’s a sign”

Han:

Casted as the two main roles (a couple who met at school and who grew up together) of your schools production, you and Jisung went over your lines every night for 2 months. November came round quickly and you were all gathered in the hall for an announcement. None really concerned you except the last “y/n, Jisung, we are introducing a duet at the end please learn the words to “stand by me” by the end of this week.” You met with Jisung after the meeting and discussed the new plans. Jisung couldn’t hide his excitement yet you weren’t so sure. Singing wasn’t what you wanted to do, you weren’t confident in your voice. You practiced the song with Jisung every night, forgetting the script even existed until you felt confident enough. Jisung became like your best friend and your singing tutor all in one. You were never apart and neither of you minded. Jisung was sad when the production was finally over so he knew what he had to do.

“I wish I could say everything about you was perfect y/n, but your relationship status isn’t... can I change that for you?”

Felix:

Everyone has a crush on felix, everyone, but he only had eyes for you. Your first class this year was music, it wasn’t something you took last year so you had to do it this year. You were the first to arrive, other students slowly filling up the room but the chair next to you remained empty. As the final few stragglers came in you spotted him, THE Felix Lee. He rushed to the seat next to you, still looking kinda cool and smooth, even while tripping on the table leg. The teacher announced that for the next year this will be your seating plan and you will work with you seat partners to which everyone was clearly envious of you. Felix has millions of ideas and they all sounded promising, you couldn’t wait for this year to begin.

“We should do it all at my house! My friends have all the recording stuff! Gosh this is so perfect”

Seungmin:

You’d fallen for his kindness. Admittedly he could be a snake at times but he’s a teenager and that’s fun, it spices him up a bit right? You took music class seriously, mainly because you knew no one in there to have fun with but also because you wanted to impress Seungmin. Your science class was pretty much the same, none of your friends were in that class either so when presentations came up there was no one to turn to. Seungmin walked over to your desk with a note. He handed it to you and ran off shortly after. Strange behaviour from someone as cute as Seungmin you thought. Your eyes drifted from his hair bouncing while he ran to the note. It read “we’ll be partners, I have an idea for us that will guarantee an A*.” Intrigued, you met Seungmin outside school at 4pm and he took you to the dorms. You were the perfect person to put this plan into action with. You and seungmin had great voices and both enjoyed science why not combine the two. After all it would be easier to remember stuff if it was in song form. That evening you finished the song and even watched a movie. You and seungmin shared some hobbies and gelled well, maybe it was because he studied your hobbies before asking you but you didn’t need to know that right?

“You enjoy fashion don’t you? Oh me too! Colours and everything, very creative”

I.N:

Jyp was one intimidating man, that was for sure, but this time you felt comforted. Recently you had gotten closer to Jeongin, a fellow aspiring kid who was shit scared of jyp. You both worked together to produce a song with the help of his group members for some duet thing he wanted to see for a jype concert. The first time you practiced you were a little rusty but Jeongin took you out bowling and to a diner after so you’d forget about it. You gradually got better, your voices slotted together perfectly and soon the duet became untouchable. The concept of doing a duet with his crush at first was daunting but you were both so naturally comfortable around each other that his feelings didn’t get in the way. When you passed jyp’s scrutinisation, Jeongin took you out to the bowling alley and diner once again.

“We’ve come so far together y/n, I thought this was gonna crash and burn, but instead we grew into incredible individuals and an even better pair I’m extremely thankful to you y/n”

Gifs aren’t mine