#is this the avpd at play or.

[mattodore]

whenever someone follows me and i'm like oh they seem cool i always wait a few days before following them back just in case they see me post some more and are like wow. hate that guy actually

[bunnighost]

[14dayswithyou]

I feel like Teo and Casanova (from @cannibalsweetheart vn) are (or at least were) bang buddies

✦゜ANSWERED: aaaaa unfortunately I don't really know much about Cannibal Sweetheart to come up with anything, but I'm happy if people wanna come up with their own headacanons for my characters!! ^^

[celestiachan]

i am thinking about how fucked up my mom made me and just when i was getting over that how fucked up she made me and just when i was getting over that the pandemic started and irreversible harm was done to my psyche

[tamagotchikgs]

really though my like object permanence for emotions is nonexistent if i am not actively feeling it i might as well never have and it they r active they r . So much . they take over me completely. 2 the point even happiness feels painful but in a good way i think,, but i will go from like. reduced 2 just wirthing ripping out my heart i am in agony everything has always been & will always be agony to oh, everything is great :] 1 lil thing flipped me upside down n now the world has always been this colourful i cant imagine anything else and then OU,,,,, crying sobbing pain anguish joy doesnt exist. all within the span of like. 10 mins. but it feels so much longer my brain is living in a whole different world. also it is not only painful 4 me but also a big issue when it comes to bad things happening irl, because like. say when my pet rat died, i was fucking inconsolable but then , Fine. it was over. n it feels so bad i feel so guilty i cant hold onto anything for the amount of time i should everything is just in n out n in n out clock in extreme pain clock out clock in extreme joy clock out for no apparent reason

[arovoidant]

i keep thinking today about my ex-sp and how they left me. and how many things i can’t enjoy anymore because of how they sting with the memories of them.

[dq1]

:////

[avpdpossum]

me, starting a new show: alright, who am i going to diagnose with avpd this time

[susenasunka]

My mind goes constantly between: "they fucking hate you and think ur annoying" to "lmao they literally don't give a single fuck about u."

And tbh I think both of it is correct.

[hugepenishaver]

fuck my dad

[mattodore]

theo 🤲

[avoidantunpersonality]

think I might be… a fool

[roachfurby]

I hate making decisions. Yet I play interactive fiction at least 2 hours a day, which is all about making decisions

[celestiachan]

people on this website will make posts about things like having friends at school and running around and playing (physically. not on a wii or computer or phone) a lot as a child and every time i am forced to remember that the average tumblr user has more of a life than me

[panic-on-panic-on-panic]

Okay I am a little bothered.

I play this multiplayer online game, Puzzle Pirates, which is like, basically a bunch of people combining their puzzling skills to do things like Make Ship Go Fast. I’ve been playing on and off since I was like, twelve, so it’s a familiar online Thing for me.

I want to be an artist and take commissions and blah blah blah but AvPD is a BITCH and I’m generally afraid to even leave a one-word comment on a single post on ANY social media site, so my therapist has suggested that I play more YPP in order to expose myself to people who AREN’T my dad (I live with him and talk to almost no one else) and gain confidence in my ability to communicate online.

This is all well and good but I told my mom and brother that my therapist said I should play more YPP and my brother was like “Wow, I wish I had your therapist! She’s telling you to play more video games!”

Like you don’t fucking get it. You literally do not fucking get it. A lot of this is not fun for me. I make one wrong social move and have to spend DAYS on my alternate character because I don’t want anyone to mention my fuckup to my face. I have an anxiety attack every time someone sends me a Tell. Today was Big because someone recognized me and it wasn’t because I suck and I didn’t have a panic attack about it. I posted a single thing in trade chat not that long ago and my therapist said she was proud of me for going outside my comfort zone, even more so because I responded and sold a thing for a reasonable price.

So this is not just “playing video games”. Sometimes it activates my stress induced nausea. Sometimes I have to take a gabapentin before I’m able to play. Sending a one-word message, not even a Tell, is agonizing. Underperforming even once sends me into a tizzy.

And you wish this on yourself??? You wanna have to take zofran and gabapentin before logging on? I bet you fucking don’t.

[void-cloud]

So one of my oldest social survival methods is: Know just enough about a topic to survive small talk

For example, back when World of Warcraft first came out: I didn't play it. I barely had interest in playing it tbh.

BUT I did collect a gaming magazine that included WoW guides at the time and with that I could hold just enough of a good convo with classmates about the game.

While again, not really giving a single fuck about ever playing it.

Anyway New Friend (ish. I should talk about her at one point) is very much into Magical Girl Media and seems to be under the impression I too enjoy Sailor Moon and co very much.

Meanwhile I'm quietly sitting here like.....the only Magical Girl Anime I've seen since childhood was Madoka Magica and I found....ok(tm). It's not a genre that excites me *shrugs*

But I'm also just enough of a weeb that I recognize the bigger charas and can talk about vague premises and welp...give the impression that I share her enjoyment.

Idk what to do with this info now. It's generally been weird to be able to recognize and track certain behaviours that I developed and helped me survive so far oO