#it might just be very autistic pattern recognition

[blizardstar]

I may be having an Autism Realization

Like. Patterns are cool right??? Human pattern recognition is astounding and beautiful and part of what makes us unique? Shapes and Numbers and Words?

Seeing shapes and faces in the clouds and in shadows and in the bits of dirt and debris littering the world? How root woods connect and allow you to know the meanings of words you’ve never heard before? How the 9s times table goes 09 18 27 36 45 54 63 72 81 90???? How people an animals behave? The way speech and slang and dialect differs and yet can be so similar?

[analysisn3rd]

Sherlock Holmes is autistic. I will tell you why.

Although I feel like this is something that’s talked about a lot in the Sherlock Holmes fandom, I wanted to write about it just because I like talking about it; Sherlock Holmes is autistic. There’s a lot of things, clues, pieces of evidence, whatever you want to call it, present in the ACD canon to prove this and I will present it to you.

Autistic stereotypes and how Holmes fits into them and doesn’t simultaneously

There are many autistic traits that are considered stereotypical, but the one I mean here is the “cold, emotionless, non-empathetic, calculating machine” autistic stereotype, which Holmes does fit into, but he also doesn’t. Despite the use of this very description in several of the short stories, Holmes doesn’t fit this description quite well. It may be what people see on the surface, it may be what people are first faced with when they meet Holmes, but it’s not the truth, or, more accurately, it’s not the complete truth.

As I’ve written before in one of my analyses about Holmes, he doesn’t lack empathy. He’s quite empathetic, and he cares a lot about people (specifically Watson, Mrs Hudson and his clients), but he shows it in a different manner than others normally would. He shows it by listening to people and believing their stories and caring about them, not just for the thrill of the case or the mystery behind it. There have been several cases where everything was mostly resolved, he didn’t need to dig deeper than he had and the answer was not as unclear as it normally is, but Holmes didn’t leave it be until his client got the closure they needed. There have been other cases where he didn’t think that it was going to be an important affair, but, because he understands what his client might be feeling, he heard them out and helped them to the best of his ability. With Watson, there have been several examples of him showing that he cares about him and that he truly values him, and the same goes to Mrs Hudson.

Holmes also isn’t emotionless; he tends to express emotions in different ways than “normal” people would, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t possess them. He also reacts differently from “normal” in some situations, like how, during one of the more grim cases, he was able to take his mind completely off of it and talk, rather animatedly, about one of the topics that he was researching (which is probably to do with his research subjects being his special interests, something that’ll be talked about below)

Saying that Holmes is a “calculating deduction machine” isn’t necessarily incorrect, but I think that it takes away from his humanity quite a lot. The reason why he’s so good at deduction (well. It’s not really deduction, it’s induction, but that’s a discussion for another day) is because of his pattern-recognition ability and high attention to detail, both of which are things that are quite common within autistic people due to the way that their brains process information; something that’s called ‘bottom-up’ processing, where the details are processed before the big picture.

I will now talk about certain autistic traits and aspects of being autistic and how this is found within the Holmes canon.

Special Interests

A great portion of autistic people have specific, sometimes called rigid, interests that are also called special interests. Holmes has several of these and they’re mentioned quite a lot within the series.

The most evident one is deduction in of itself and mysteries. As we’ve seen several times within the series, when Holmes doesn’t have a case, or anything that he finds engaging like another special interest of his, he feels awful, to put it in simpler terms, and he experiences what Watson calls his “black moods”. 

Some of his other special interests are chemistry, especially when it involves forensics, which is something that he’s seen doing quite a lot and spending hours upon hours carrying out experiments to see if his hypothesis was correct or not, much like what he was doing when he initially met Watson in ‘Study in Scarlet’. 

Music is another one, which is something that he’s quite knowledgeable about, and he likes to engage with this particular interest by attending concerts with Watson and by playing the violin, where he either plays melodies to reflect his thoughts and feelings or composed symphonies that he and/or Watson enjoy.

Another is bees (and nature to an extent), which is something that he’s very interested in, considering how he took up bee-keeping during his retirement and how he’s written several monographs about it.

Aside from his special interests, he’s also had various hyperfixations throughout the stories, which he’d write monographs about as well.

Social differences

It’s very obvious how Holmes interacts with people differently compared to other characters, and the ways in which his social interactions differ is very similar to that of autistic people. 

One of the ways in which this presents is how blunt Holmes is. He’s very truthful and he doesn’t realise that what he’s saying, which he mostly means in a very literal, very genuine way, could be taken in another way. An example of this is this quote, which is from ‘The Hound of Baskerville’: “It may be that you are not yourself luminous, but you are a conductor of light. Some people without possessing genius have a remarkable power of stimulating it”. This, amongst several other compliments from Holmes, tend to sound backhanded and they’re mostly read as him being snarky or simply mean to whoever he was saying them to, but I think that he just meant it in a very literal way.

Another way that his social differences present is how he doesn’t quite understand other people, especially women, where he tells Watson quite often that he’s the one who understands and appeals to the “fairer sex” from the both of them. His not really understanding people also shows up in how he’s never really having a friend before Watson or Victor Trevor; he’s never really understood anyone aside from them and I don’t think that anyone, aside from them, tried to understand Holmes back. I also think it’s evident that he doesn’t understand social norms by how he chooses not to comply with them. Holmes is a very logical person and if something doesn’t make sense to him, he simply wouldn’t do it and would probably deem it stupid.

Another thing that I don’t think is a social difference as much as it’s a difference in how Holmes sees the world is how he has a really strong sense of justice. His sense of morality is interesting, to say the least and I’ve discussed it before in one of my analyses of him, and his sense of justice kind of ties into it. Regardless of what he views as “right” and “wrong”, he will strongly defend what he believes and he wouldn’t let anything that he thinks is “wrong” slide. As I’ve written earlier, some cases had a fairly clear resolution and he could’ve just let them go, but it’s because he cares about his client and because he absolutely cannot let injustices simply pass without the persecutor getting punished, he solves the case until it’s completely resolved.

Masking

Generally speaking, Holmes doesn’t mask, and I think it’s mainly because he doesn’t really see a point in doing so; he doesn’t do it often, and the only instance of him masking is the beginning of ‘A Study in Scarlet’, when he and Watson hadn’t known one another quite well yet. He would hide parts of himself, he wouldn’t try to talk about any of his interests at all (to the point that Watson didn’t even know what he did for work until months after knowing him) and he made sure to be very neat and organised with everything, which is something that he most likely struggles with. However, once Watson found out about everything, he didn’t really bother masking again. 

Holmes’ struggles in relation to his autism

There are several things that autistic people struggle with (including communication, which I already discussed above) that Holmes also struggles with.

One of which is how he struggles with eating. I think that’s mainly because he doesn’t exactly feel hunger cues as most people would; he doesn’t exactly realise that he’s hungry until his stomach is cramping from the lack of food or he’s on the verge of passing out, which I think is a very believable conclusion considering how often he forgets to eat and Watson has to coax and/or remind him to do so. Another thing that Watson really helped him with is his injuries. I think it’s very likely that he doesn’t feel pain normally, which is something that happens to some autistic people, where they either feel it too much or too little; the latter is what Holmes struggles with. He doesn’t really notice injuries that he gets on cases because he doesn’t really feel the pain. This is most likely why he has several scars and acid burns on his hands when Watson first met him.

Another thing that I think he struggles with is executive dysfunction, especially when it comes to chores like cleaning his space and laundry, which is something that I recall Watson complaining about Holmes not doing in the beginning of one of the short stories. It’s possible that he has his own system when it comes to his organisation, but it was said in ‘Study in Scarlet’ that he was a very neat man, so I think it’s more reasonable to think that it’s just something that he always wants to start but could never really get to doing it due to executive dysfunction.

It’s also possible that Holmes struggles with sensory issues regarding his hair touching his face, which is why he always has it gelled back, and that he has them regarding facial hair, which is why he’s always described as clean-shaven (though I know that both of these could be due to other reasons as well).

I think that cocaine was Holmes’ way of self-medication. He needed something to help him through feelings of overwhelm and under-stimulation from the lack of cases, so he used it. It served as a distraction to him from his overwhelm and scarcity of mental stimulation that’s enough to keep him satisfied.

Similarly, I think that his habit of smoking was a way to keep his hands busy instead of stimming.

Due to all of the aforementioned reasons, I think that Sherlock Holmes is autistic.

[dogwaterdish]

As promised, I'm back to talk more about Midoriya being autistic! I'll talk about special interests, stimming, social difficulties, intense emotions/empathy, and other miscellaneous things I think are better explained about him when looked through the lens of Autism.

Special Interests

One of the most obvious traits is his strong- often described as obsessive- interests. Mainly heroes, All Might, and quirks. These interests are pretty much just special interests - the level of intensity and long term hold on him is how special interests can function.

Some people might argue he's just using it as an escape from his reality of quirklessness, but these interests were visible before and after he was quirkless. When he got diagnosed as quirkless, he had already had a passionate interest in All Might.

And while All Might and heroes are loved by the majority of the population, it's been noted by many people that he has a lot stronger of an interest in them than most, to the point some call it creepy and obsessive. He's very knowledgeable about these topics, and infodumps about them very often! For example, when his class met the pussycats:

As we can see, he's very ready to start spewing hero facts, and is excited by seeing heroes. He does this often, and knows very much about most heroes- as we can see in the first chapter as well. He knew the name of Kamui woods big move despite him being a new hero, and knew several facts about him off the top of his head. This muttering is also frowned upon socially, but he doesn't pick up on that much at all, and continues his muttering until he either gets distracted or stopped by someone else. This all makes me believe that these are his special interests!

Stimming

Midoriya has some things that he does that I categorize as stimming! The biggest one is muttering, he's seen doing this often, and a lot of the time it seems to be a form of regulation. For example, during the USJ when he hurt is finger:

He is often seen muttering in times of high emotions (which is often for him with the intense emotions he experiences) and it seems to help him calm down, focus, and relax, as well as make plans.

Another example of him stimming is when he was talking with Nighteye about an All Might clip!

These motions are often used by him during times where he is excited, scared, and even focused. A common stim I've seen from him is pulling on his bottom lip!

While stimming is something everyone does to some degree, autistic people stim much more regularly for emotional regulation and to keep a proper amount of stimulation, and Midoriya falls into the latter category, where he stims much more than neurotypical people. This stimming has been pointed out by many characters and some have called it odd, mainly with his muttering.

Social Difficulties

Another major thing I see in him that is reminiscent of Autism is his abnormal behavior socially, and his cluelessness when it comes to social interactions.

Here we see Midoriya wave to Shinso, then get confused about why he ignored him. This could be just general confusion that many people would experience but I think that since stuff like this happens to him somewhat often its pointing more towards social issues n such !

Another example of this was during the final exam arc, where Tsu was asking Uraraka what her and Aoyama were talking about and Uraraka got flustered. Midoriya was clueless during this whole interaction and they made a point to put a question mark by his head. I cannot find this picture for the life of me right now, but if I do I will edit this post and put it in!

I think it's very interesting that he is often characterized as very observant (with his very detailed notes and pattern recognition with how Bakugou fights (another autism thing...)) , but when he is clueless about something it's always a social interaction. Here's some more miscellaneous pictures of him with question marks by his head:

It's very common for autistic people to be lost or confused during social interactions, and to have problems being entirely calm or oriented during conversations. Midoriya has also been shown to be a bit fretful, anxious, or quick to overexplain during conversations, such as when Iida and Uraraka were asking about the nickname "Deku".

Intense Emotions and Empathy

Midoriya is shown many times to have extremely strong emotions, it's one of his key traits along with his high empathy. These big emotions he has are very unregulated, at least early in the series, and he is prone to bursting into tears at a moments notice. This upcoming picture was when he met up with All Might after receiving his UA acceptance letter.

If you have seen any clips of MHA, you have seen how much he cries and how intense his emotions are. However, he doesnt always cry when he has strong emotions, like when he gets excited and pumped up about his classmates or heroes, and starts muttering and sometimes flapping his arms.

Along with that, he has strong empathy for other people and can "feel" the energy and emotions of others when they're particularly strong. He also has more empathy and compassion for the villains than most people, insisting he must save Shigaraki rather than just kill him like everyone suggested. Irregular emotions and empathy levels are yet another trait of autism that he possess.

Other traits

Like I said in the start of this post, some of these things aren't necessarily indicative of autism or anythin', but they make so much more sense when looked at through the lens of autism, and combined with all the other traits he has, only add to his likelihood of being Autistic!!

One thing I've seen Midoriya do quite often is doing raptor arms! Heres some examples of that:

here are also some examples of Midoriya sitting in peculiar ways as well! Not a trait of autism particularly, but I've seen odd sitting common in many autistic people!

Conclusion!!

So all that is pretty much to say Midoriya is a pretty autistic character! Whether it was intentional or not he's super autism coded and I think it's very neat. I also think it's neat we have essentially the same spins (all might!). All the info from here comes from research I've done, along with referencing my own experience as an autistic boy.

Happy birthday to him as well!! :] ty for reading all that

(also @animaatra since you wanted to be tagged :] )

[morlock-holmes]

On Autism and Masking

So, for I want to do an exercise for those who aren’t on the autism spectrum:

I want you to think about a subject in school that you didn’t understand very well, it could be math, it could be history, could be a foreign language, just any subject where you struggled and had a hard time grasping the basics, where it took a little more work than usual to actually figure things out.

Imagine that you are learning this subject in school, and the teacher, well, let’s say he isn’t a very nice person.

Let’s say that when he calls on you to give the answer, he relentlessly mocks you in front of the whole class when you get it wrong. In fact, he doesn’t just do this when you get an answer wrong, sometimes he’ll hold up your homework and mock your wrong answers in front of the whole class.

Not only that, but sometimes he’s physically abusive, sometimes when you get an answer wrong he’ll throw an eraser at your head or hit your knuckles with a ruler.

And, occasionally, just to mix things up, he’ll sometimes just correct your mistakes in a matter of fact way and move on.

You can’t really tell which mistakes cause him to fly into a physically violent rage and which ones merit gentle correction; if there’s a pattern there you can’t figure it out, it seems completely random.

Maybe, unfortunately, this isn’t too far from how some of you were actually taught.

How might you react to this? Perhaps by keeping your head down, sitting in the back of the class, and desperately hoping not to get noticed? Or maybe erratic and sudden acts of physical and verbal defiance? Keep in mind all the other school officials are quite certain that this teacher isn’t doing anything unexpected or unusual, and really, if you aren’t applying yourself to learning the material, you can’t really expect anything different.

How do you think you’d feel about this subject as an adult? Perhaps you might sort of put it out of your mind as much as possible, avoid that subject as an adult and sort of put on a mask of placid ignorance whenever the subject comes up in conversation?

This is how a tremendous number of us autistic people had to learn social interaction as children.

People on the autism spectrum are often at their most rigid and inflexible as children, which is also the time at which the rules of social engagement are simultaneously at their most fluid and most strictly enforced.

For one thing, children are much more prone to enforcing the social order through outright mockery and even physical violence. Sometimes when you talk about your interests it’s fine; I used to talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with the other boys and that was just fine. But then they started making fun of me because I also like My Little Pony. I had trouble understanding that, because, like, they’re both cartoons, right?

Exactly because you have a disability in social pattern recognition, it is very hard for you to distinguish between actions which are acceptable, actions which will result in overt mockery, actions which will result in days or months of overt mockery, and actions which will result in physical violence.

It begins to feel like every time you say something spontaneous, you’re rolling the dice, maybe saying this makes it okay to hit me, maybe it doesn’t, won’t know until the person is actually hitting me!

Even worse, when you’re a kid, socially acceptable behavior changes very quickly. One school year everybody is playing with dolls, the next only a dumb baby would ever play with dolls.

So you can’t even take refuge in doing what worked last year or last month; even doing exactly the same behavior that was okay last year might promote mockery or violence if you try it again this year.

In the face of this, it often becomes easier to withdraw from society; the way to keep safe is avoidance and the projection of a kind of placid anonymity.

To this day, despite being subjected to very little violence in the grand scheme of things, there is still a part of me that feels like admitting something openly about how I feel is putting me at risk of violence, and that the people around me will likely think of that violence as justified.

I have seen surprisingly little which focuses explicitly on this aspect of the autistic learning process; often we are not so much taught social interaction as we are, essentially, bullied into it.

I was looking up some definitions of “masking” on autism advocacy web sites and they tend to define it as various ways that autistic people attempt to mimic the actions of allistic people, but I don’t think that’s exactly the case. 

I think in particular that autistic people often develop a variety of strategies aimed at preventing people from noticing or reacting to them.

Again, this is because your formative years often teach you that it is extremely dangerous for people to react to something you have done; you simply don’t know whether or not they will react with mockery or violence; the only safe strategy becomes a kind of withdrawal, an attempt to minimize the amount to which others are reacting to your behavior at all. 

I don’t think that this is really the same process as allistic people use to conform to social expectations, indeed I think it is less an attempt to conform to an understood expectation and more an attempt to avoid doing anything that conceivably could be scrutinized or subject to expectation.

[dealilcats]

Soo I've been thinking about this for a while and mostly whenever I don't have much to do, but here's a list of what disabilities/other general issues I think each character has. This is mostly based on 98. (Also, based on things that I'm familiar with)

Starting with my favourite, Coricopat. I don't talk about him much but I swear I adore him. In 98 he's often got this blank stare, during pekes he's not even singing at times, just lost in the part. I say autism with a slight processing delay, and some difficulty with speech. Not sure what exactly, he just struggles to put his thoughts into words in a way that makes sense to others. He says things that make sense to him, because he's thinking them, but not to others, because they don't have context. So he mostly lets Tanto speak.

His sister, on the other hand, strikes me as high masking something. I don't know what, but she ain't nt. I know their description says telepathic, but I like to think they just look like they are. In reality they're just very well accostumed to each other and e/o's needs. And maybe they're both a little pre-cognizant as a treat. Or maybe it's just excellent pattern recognition and heightened senses.

They both either do too much eye contact or too little. No in-between.

I think Gus (jr, not elderly Asparagus) struggles with general body weakness and fatigue.

I agree with the deaf Victoria hcs - she can meow, which she doesn't do often, because she doesn't know her own volume. She uses some sign language but mostly gets things across with body language.

I don't think misto is entirely nt but I don't quite know what he could be. Maybe tecklen misto is autistic. I do agree with him being selectively mute though. I think he'd get along well with Cori and Tanto, just hanging around mostly in silence.

I've been looking for someone to make extremely near sighted and I think Tumblebrutus might be the best candidate. No one even realises it for a long time, they just think he's clumsy, until eventually maybe old deut or gus realise he just needs glasses. He does not like them, and finds them overwhelming at first, but I think eventually he gets used to them.

Pounce and cettie are adhd. Pounce is impulsive and a little oblivious, while etcetera is hyperactive and will not go to sleep until she's completely exhausted. She will talk your ears off. I do think Pounce might be a little less prone to info dump but maybe he does talk a lot to Cori. Cori does not mind being talked at. I think I've seen them together a few times in 98 but maybe I'm confusing it with oasis or smth else.

Maybe skimble is autistic. I've said this before but I'll say it again who cares, I love how his song sounds like an info dumping script. He's gone through it a million times. Everyone knows it. They love him and they participate. It's so healing to watch the coreo when I think about it this way.

I think that's all I have for now. Might add more as time goes on. (Also I'm not sure about proper language for a lot of stuff, so do correct me if I get anything wrong.)

[nicki0kaye]

Some dumbass in the comment section of a youtube vid about how AI Art bros are jersk tried to make the argument that genetics determine talent and I kind of popped of. Turns out the comment thread I replied to is like 200+ comments deep and now no one is going to see my small novella about genetics v talent, so I've decided to share it here...IN TWO SEPARATE PARTS bc apparently it is too long and tumblr cant handle it alskdjflskjdf.

Hi, I'm the genetically gifted artist you're trying to cite for your argument. Both of my birth parents were artists in several fields and despite being adopted by a different family, I know that I've inherited most of their interests and am proficient at all of the things they excelled in; art, writing and performance to be specific. I now make a living as an artist.

You're also entirely wrong about how 'talent' works and how inheriting 'talent' works. What I inherited from my parents were their mental disorders. Adhd, Autism and chronic depression. Autism forced me to be far more observant of my peers if I wanted to have a social life. Adhd gifted me time blindness and the ability to hyperfocus on whatever tasks gave me dopamine, and Autism complimented that nicely with a shock to the nervous system when I was expected to change gears out of what I felt was safe into something I did not.

I had many avenues before me because of this; theatre was what my adopted parents assumed I would pursue. But then chronic depression came in with the steel chair at the end of highschool and no, no I did not do theatre, that shit takes too much energy for too long of a period of time.

So. Art.

Why am I so genetically good at art? Well, and this is again Probably The Autism, I'm very good at recognizing and retaining visual patterns, I'm super interested in body language and costuming and micro-expressions--all things I need to pay attention to if I wanted to be liked by allistic classmates--and drawing quite literally regulates my nervous system, so I'm gonna do it often just to cope.

I don't have a fucking 'artists' gene. I have a brain that is predisposed to certain pattern recognition and through access to resources (GLASSES, I AM BLIND AS SHIT AND WITHOUT GLASSES NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE) was able to find and cultivate hobbies that either worked with or helped regulate the myriad of bullshit I won through the genetic lottery.

I'm a good artist bc I put in the work. I put in the work bc my brain is wired to really like certain work. It didn't have to be art. If i were less depressed, it could have been theatre--either writing, performing or directing. If I was less autistic, it might have been something with more abstract thinking and less focused on decrypting human expression and repurposing it in ways that I Personally Like. If I was less ADHD, it could have been more academic studies, like Marine Biology since I really wanted to do that when I was little. If I didn't have exercised induced asthma, it could have been competitive swimming, bc my swim teacher really thought I had a gift for it. If I didn't have dyscalculia, it could have been something that involves number crunching and long distances, bc I don't understand that shit for beans, completely locking me out of a large chunk of possible careers.

And maybe without all of that, I wouldn't have had the perfect cocktail to give enough of a shit to be good at anything. Maybe I would have just been an office clerk, making a decent wage and filling my cubicle with anime figurines.

[rivetgoth]

I honestly think as someone who goes out clubbing (or to an adjacent nightlife social event) like 1-3x a week on average, and especially as like, a kinda faggy short guy tbqh, I would say genuinely one of thee biggest like, skills to learn is how to both be appropriately discerning and able to read people's vibes quickly to stay safe but also not close your heart completely to new people and give the appropriate benefit of the doubt as well?

I think I'm a particularly picky person when it comes to meeting new people tbh, I will pretty quickly decide someone is not trustworthy over what may appear to be minor missteps but it is because it's not a risk I'm willing to take. especially after the aforementioned years in the nightlife mentioned above. But I also really try to leave room for understanding that we're all awkward and weird and many of us in the scene are autistic and/or otherwise neurodivergent or struggling with social skills and we're in a community literally made by and for weirdos where drugs and alcohol are often involved; nobody is perfect, so it's learning to have an open heart and not have preconceived biases or make assumptions about people but also like, being willing to shut down shit that turns you off fast.

Like not to pat myself on the back but I'm gonna be honest, I have had soooooo many cases where I met someone, got a Weird Vibe, which sounds shallow but I don't mean "ooh they act kinda funny" I mean "huh that person showed subtle signs of not respecting boundaries like touching strangers without consent even if in a trivial/harmless way" or "that person made some off-color jokes or comments that while not in and of themselves entirely unforgivable could way too easily speak to a deeper more insidious world view," decided to politely distance myself and not pursue forging a relationship with them beyond casual acquaintance at best, and then was given confirmation later on that they were a genuinely physically dangerous person with a history of abuse or violence.

Like, the reality is there are a lot of predators in the nightlife. As much as it's this wonderful fantastic weird alternate reality where you can be your authentic self and explore these facets to your character you would not be able to in the daylight, play with fantasy and identity and have the freedom to play and express yourself in these wild ways, it's also a cover for genuinely dangerous people who are detached from all social dogma and feel that they can justify their behavior in these more lawless environments where stuff like kink and more "edgy" behavior is seen as more socially acceptable. For all of the absolutely amazing people I've met, literally pretty much all of my closest friends and relationships have formed from the underground / alternative nightlife scene, there are also pretty frequent allegations and scandals. It's the unfortunate reality, and while the very best events and promoters cultivate safe spaces to the best of their abilities, you can't keep 100% of them out.

I feel lucky in a weird way that I've developed what I think are pretty decent self preservation skills via being a weird fucking kid my entire life who has cultivated the vast vast vast majority of my relationships with other weird people (affectionate). I have so much love in my heart for genuine eccentrics and I think it is SO IMPORTANT to work actively to unlearn biases about what a Trustworthy or Untrustworthy person might look like or act like when they are not fucking hurting anyone, but I also don't give the time of day to people who make me uncomfortable. Basically I think learning what your own boundaries are, learning to communicate them, and learning to shut down those who invade them is just like, a genuinely necessary skill for being out in the nightlife. You need to know what you want and what you are and are not okay with. You need to learn pattern recognition—did this person stumble over their words once and say something that came out wrong, or does this person have a habit of making inappropriate remarks? Is this person exhibiting behavior that other people who have been dangerous or predatory have exhibited in the past? Can you make a reasonable link between that behavior, and the more predatory, overtly dangerous behavior?

[autism-rizz-tournament]

Bruce Wayne (Batman) - Autism Rizz Tournament Preliminaries

If you vote yes you must firmly believe in this character's autism AND in the rizz their autism gets them. If you don't want the character in the tournament just vote no

Propaganda:

One of the main themes of Batman is what ‘the mask’ means to him. Which is his real face, Bruce Wayne or Batman? Usually Bruce Wayne is the fake, ‘the mask’, the public persona he puts on to make his way through high society socialization. But as Batman, he can be himself, with his monotone voice and his silly costumed friends. Also for the rizz part, man has canonically pulled so many baddies. Catwoman, Talia al Ghul, Vicki Vale, Black Canary- I could go on. AND he has sexual tension with every male villian he has too (Joker and TwoFace to name a few).

A very black and white sense of morality that might come with autism (examples: His no kill rule,). Heightened empathy. Extremely good at memorization and pattern recognition. Is said to be ‘possibly on the spectrum’ in Batman: Imposter #3

Batman (specifically TAS) is, in my humble autist opinion, one of the most autistic characters of all time. He also cannot stop having people fall in love with him. Even when he's not masking as the billionaire playboy, both heroes and villains end up trying to get with him. 'Bat rizz' is a subcategory of 'autism rizz'.

[lilflowerpot]

i just saw your reply saying you wrote keith with your experience with autism in mind without realizing it! i just want to say that i love how personal this fic is for you, whether you intended it or not! like, looking back and realizing you connect even more with your character (bc you’ve developed keith so well he’s practically yours) is so cool!! and the autistic-coded-ness fits with the character so well, it fits with his foundations from the show and also the world you’ve built

anyways yeah just came to say i love that for you, as a huge fan of your work!

anonymous(2): Hello!! I recently read your little blade fanfic and I'm about to re read it as well, I love it sm! I saw that another person had said they related to Keith in relation to their autism and I'm so happy they did because I do as well!! I love seeing representation like that even if it's unintentional lol, and I was wondering if you had any autistic headcanons for Keith and or Lotor and if being galra effects that? If not that's totally chill! I hope you have an awesome day or night!

-

Thank you both! I'm honestly so happy to see so much love for autistic-coded Keith, he deserves it ♡

I don't explicitly have any autistic headcanons for either Keith or Lotor, because (as anon 1 said) it wasn't entirely intentional on my part. When writing Keith, I knew from the start that I wanted to explore his galra side and how that element of himself impacts his experiences, and obviously because he looks human this was always going to manifest in his instincts/behaviour; what with the galra being aliens, I wanted them to feel more nuanced than simply "tall purple humans" which lead to me playing around with the differences in how they might express themselves and the ways in which this might have caused Keith difficulties in the past.

Autism itself manifests in different ways to different degrees in different people, but broadly speaking it's a variation in how the brain works as opposed to the majority. According to the NHS, the key traits include:

difficulty communicating with / understanding the thoughts and feelings of others, unintentionally coming across as blunt / rude / uninterested, and misreading tone / intent in others

struggling with anxiety in unfamiliar situations / social settings, often preferring a set routine with clearly defined "rules", and difficulty making friends (and/or preferring solitude)

heightened pattern recognition, attention to detail, and senses

over-stimulation from things neurotypicals might consider mundane, such as bright lights / loud noises / strong smells / eye contact / physical proximity and/or touch

self-stimulating behaviours (stimming) often repetitive movements / sounds that can serve a variety of purposes

a keen or intense interest in a particular subject area / activity

These, obviously, are only the very broadest of strokes (and I comped together many of the bullet points for brevity's sake) but as you can see a lot of them are applicable to Keith—not only in LB, but in VLD too! As such, I don't think it's especially surprising that in dissecting his character so as to better understand and therefore write for him, I ended up creating a lot of overlap between autism and the galra, with the latter becoming a metaphor for how the former sees people (like Keith!) being "othered". With regard to Lotor, it's actually quite interesting because his galra/autistic traits are considered "normal" in Imperial society, whereas it's everything altean about him that has been met with reproach.

[askfelix-neverland]

((OOC)) Apologies for tagging a bunch of asks wrongly, I’m autistic and cannot identify personality through texts, so all I had was pattern recognition and habit, and made a lot of mistakes. I address this via ONE ask in character, and deleted any other ask about it because of the sheer amount of people pointing out that I was marking asks wrong. I apologize for any future asks that may also be tagged wrong, since I build a queue several days in advance and have only learned now that I misunderstood what was happening with the “guess who this is” thing.

I will not be guessing from now on. Tag your anons with who you are, or I won’t add that anon tag. It’s simply too confusing for me. Not mad!! This might read very flat; I’m very tired. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up and explain why several asks that recently got sent in will not be answered.

Sorry again for all the mess :)

- mod

[rainneverstopped]

July 17th 2024, 4:20pm

I’ve been fighting for about three hours with myself about whether or not to go out. I know I should because it’s sunny and it might be fun but I’m so tired and drained. It’s a constant state that I can’t seem to get out of. It’s been months since I wrote a list of places I’d like to go to and still there hasn’t been a single day when I have felt well enough to go. The worst part is that I don’t feel rested if I stay at home and nap. I end up feeling awful but if I go out I’m constantly anxious, guilty over the money spent on public transport and %80 of the times I fight back tears (oftentimes failing) at how incredibly bored I am and how tedious it feels to “go out”. I end up realizing that this country has nothing for me anymore but I don’t have the capacity to leave. My brain also always defaults to going to the same two places because I’m used to it and going to places that I rarely go to and could therefore be more fullfilling require a completely different amount of energy and the uncertainty makes it so that I’m anxious the whole time, planning in my mind how and when to go back home. It’s awful because I’m stuck in this routine that feels safe but leaves me depleted. Some parts of it are less productive and easy than the alternatives that I could go for but because I’m used to it I perpetuate it. This is one of the most annoying parts of my autism. I know better and yet I can’t fight myself. I waste away day after day. Honestly, I think it’s a combination of loads of things. I think being perceived has become too big a challenge. I hate myself and feel disheveled at all times. I know if my hair, nails, teeth, skin were perfect and I had new nice outfits I would be far more likely to go out and I won’t judge myself for it because I also deserve to feel like I’m representing myself in the ways I would like. I feel so over and inferior. I don’t feel a “self” most of the times. I also feel like an absolute outcast in my own community because they are always talking about special interests and autistic joy and hyper focusing on things and learning everything about it and pattern recognition and skills and I have none of that. I have the frustrating sides of it. I can’t focus, my intelligence is average at best, I don’t have encyclopedic knowledge on anything, don’t feel interest or joy most of the times. I’m not particularly creative. I wish there was more visibility for autism like mine. I know I’m not the only one but it’s hard to come out and say it when it’s all showed through a happy filter of “superpower”. Mine isn’t a superpower at all. I feel very impaired by it. Socially, professionally, in my ability to do things day to day, enjoy my life, go out. I have executive dysfunction and my burnout triggers are not things I can avoid or do less of. If anything I should do more. Also as part of the %80 of en employed autistics, I don’t feel very encouraged or hopeful. It stings when I notice others managing and having all these specific, high skill jobs. It’s not that I want them to fail, far from it but I just can’t be like that now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. It scares me and I don’t feel hope or excitement for the future. I also have been feeling such resentment at the way my social circle treated me as a child (I’m late diagnosed) and not getting validation from them makes me dislike them and not want to talk to them. I don’t think I’ll go out today after all. I’ll hate myself for it but thinking about the subway and putting money in my subway card, the people, getting dressed, I just can’t today. I wish I could. I wish I could decide to do things and do them. I don’t understand how most people go out, do things, are and look put together and enjoy these activities they decide to do. They nurture themselves with them. I find myself drained by them instead. I sincerely can’t make sense of it. It’s so hard to convince myself to go out and the payout is not what it should be but I hate being at home all the time. I don’t know where to go from here.

[sassypotatoe1]

I have a 'voice of God' type hallucination, but I no longer believe in God, so I was like 'what should I call it now?' and my brain supplied Steve and I was like 'that's lame' so I complained to my friend about it to ask for a better name and he was like 'Steve decided we don't name shame or deadname Al' and I was like fair point so now the voice I hear telling me things that I used to believe were divine prophecy but now know is just autistic pattern recognition is called Steve.

Today Steve told me I need to make my movements more intentional because I'm very much using momentum and gravity to aid in my movements and it's contributing to my muscle atrophy that I'm trying to combat by doing stuff like full range squatting when I take the milk out of the mini fridge at work etc. So now I will be thinking about my every movement and whether or not it's intentional enough for the foreseeable future.

My auditory hallucinations are very limited and never harmful (somehow) and they're far less frequent now that I'm on antipsychotics, so I'm not concerned about them, because as I am now I'm able to recognize them as hallucinations and not add any power to them that they don't have. If you experience auditory hallucinations that you're sometimes unable to identify as hallucinations or give more weight than they should have in your decision making please take care of yourself! Naming your hallucinations might not be a safe practice for you but it is for me. Use discernment and where possible professional support to figure out what is good for you.

[charredcheddar]

It's autism awareness month so I guess everyone needs to be aware of me.

This does devolve into a vent so fair warning here

I was diagnosed in my last year of secondary school during post-lockdown when I was 15/16 (though for some reason my report says I was 17 despite that objectively not being true; that's an offical medical document, it's mildly concerning). The only reason I did was because lockdown had messed me up so much I point-blank refused to attend school. In the end I had to join a video call with my head of house and ESLA worker who told my parents that they could not help me and to get professional help. I thought they meant therapy for depression. My parents decided they meant to get the autism diagnosis I had been asking for.

I'd been self diagnosed for at least a year by that point so I really didn't know what it was going to do for me. The only real benefit was mildly getting rid of my imposter syndrome. Since I diagnosed myeslf based on information I got on tiktok, I was worried I was just following a trend or that the app itself had caused all my issues (like ruining my attention span). Nowadays I don't know what is my autism, what is depression and what is just me being lazy and unmotivated.

Either way, I am now formally diagnosed and have been for 2 and a half years. Not that it helped. I did manage to go back to school and get my GCSEs. Honestly they were very good but deep down I knew I was capable of better. I got into the local sixth form studying four subjects. At the end of first year, I signed up to take an EPQ. To noone's surprise, this was too much for me and I did no work over the summer. As well as this, I was 9 months behind on maths/further maths homework, barely completing my film coursework and had pretty much checked out of computing. During a breakdown 2 days before the start of the year, my mum sat me down and asked if I really wanted to go back. I said no and she called my form tutor to arrange me dropping out. Since I was going to turn 18 in a few weeks, she said I didn't need to go back at all.

So now 7 months later I'm not really doing anything. I've had the same part time job since late 2022 and did a 3 month full time job a few months ago. However, that was so draining I didn't accept the extended contract they offered. To be completely honest, I'm worried I will never be able to hold down a full time job. I'm also mourning the fact I will never be able to go to university. I cannot do independent study and self motivation. It's hard considering my whole life I felt like I was meant to go to uni and study a stem subject because I was book smart. Looking back, I don't think I ever actually learned anything I just was really good at memorising information for exams.

I'm trying to spend more time on my hobbies and interests but it's hard to motivate myself to get up. Most of my time is spent on social media watching content to make myself feel better. Every so often I do get around to doing something that I actually want to do. I crocheted myself one of those cat ear hats (it was too big so I might have to do it again but oh well) and I started editing a livestream I did last month. Plus my music club is starting agin soon and I've missed practising. I wish I could do more. There's still so much I want to learn and do.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't autistic. The one thought that really messed with me was the fact that if I wasn't autistic I wouldn't be as good at school as I was since my 'intellegence' was just pattern recognition. Ultimately there would be nothing special about me. However, would I have longer lasting friendships? Would I lose my crippling fear of authority and rules so I could have more fun? After all, I'm 18 and feel like it's too late to enjoy my life.

I suppose there's some parts of my autism that I consider core parts of myself. My ability to become obsessed with something like a piece of media that brings me joy. My pattern recognition, as mentioned. Without those I don't really know who I am. Autism is such a core part of my personality and self and without it I really don't think I would be the same person.

Anyway that was a lot but I need to get back to telling you about the Five Nights at Freddy's lore/ref

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

digging up bones

I guess if I'm up and already in a bad mood about it

might as well go through some of the thoughts

I was thinking about unearthing later on today

maybe it'll exhaust me and I can go back to sleep

my mood can't get worse and there is no dopamine

anywhere to be found because I've exhausted all sources

let's talk about why I don't want to get a therapist

by collecting quotes from experiences from the past

I had one who decided to laugh in my face about

my love for Jung and my thinking I was autistic

his ego couldn't handle my knowing shit about myself

and other things he couldn't quite grasp

once during a conversation about my childhood sexual abuse

he actually said to me with no sense of his depravity

"no wonder they couldn't resist you"

what the actual fuck my dude I was a child

he stopped seeing me when I turned the tables on him

and got him to confess all the things he used to do

when he was a dangerous guy just like his father

by mimicking his behavior and following his patterns

kind of seems like that pattern recognition and masking

should have rang a few bells but he didn't want to believe it

he told me my feminine energy was weaker than his male energy

but he sterilized himself like a gelding because he feared

bringing another kid into the world that felt

as fucked up as he did every day

I guess I'm still kind of mad at him

I think he might have been one of the first people I trusted

with all those dirty little secrets I was forced to hold since I was born

I didn't plan to become the therapist and hear his story

I was just following the rhythm of the conversation

but once he lost the power he felt he didn't want to look me

again in the eyes and it was confusing

because nothing he said was even that bad

my most recent therapy experience was marriage counseling

I knew that was going to be a fucking joke

and I was so used to being silenced by the man in the room

that I exploded out in a monologue of trauma dumping

desperate to be seen as someone who was tough and dealt with shit

far worse than the lanky bastard sitting next to me

who wouldn't let me have emotions without trying

to smother me under every avoidant wall of stone

ugh, I do not want to be awake and I'm so angry

and not even fun arson angry just petulant and mean

I did end that therapy experience with a three page letter

I wrote about all the reasons I was completely

over my doomed marriage and the man involved in it

and all the reasons he wasn't shit

but written eloquently and logically

because I'd had plenty of time to prepare

It was fun having an audience and his surprised pikachu face

will always be one that I remember fondly

fuck you asshole you know what you've been doing

the female therapist I went to the year before

to tell about the patterns of abusive behavior I'd documented

and the reasons I had for needing to leave the dysfunction

was met by a woman the age of my mother

who must have saw a silly daughter making a mistake

because she asked if psychological abuse was his only sin

and told me successful men were hard to find

I had fun the rest of the sessions talking about how

out of all the religious texts I read the bible was the most dry

and boring and I just wish I could get into it

and all the crosses and scriptures she had around her office

and the way her face pinched when I said those things

really made it difficult for us to synch up after that

to be fair I was always willing to make it work

I did have one therapist that was the best

her name was Elise and it scares me to think of calling her

I wonder if it's because of the unpaid account

or the fear of rejection or knowing I get to tell her

how everything went to shit after I came into her office

with my youngest as a baby and a glowing happiness

to my presence because I thought I finally

found something that I ended up losing as time went on

well, saying that I lost it is not very accurate

you don't lose someone's respect

they decide to stop giving it to you

and I have a difficult time tolerating that in relationships

I will blind myself for awhile but there does come a point

where something clicks and suddenly I'm on fire

because I'll be damned and choose damnation

before I let a little bitch boy like that make me die

it would be so fucking easy to make him cry

well, this little think piece shows I definitely need a therapist

and I guess getting those shitty thoughts out is one less thing

I have to muddle through tomorrow to find motivation

I'll call Elise and see if I have problems to solve

to get to go back and see her

she saw me and knew me right away

and she helped me get through a situation

that I'm going to have to walk through again

and she was great at it last time

fuuuuuuck this all sucks and I hate it

custody battles and shitty apartments and lawyers

building another new life and climbing out of another grave

it could be worse

I could be as scared as I was last time when I did it

I'm not scared I just know it's going to suck

Elise was the first one to coin the term "the Dani filter"

to describe the way I mask in my bubbly upbeat way

I wonder what she'll think of me now if we get to meet again

I think she'll appreciate my darker wit and my cynical smile

she knew how my mind worked right away

and said that I changed her mind completely

about behavior theory because I guess

when I decide to do or become something

and actually commit to it I surprised her with how

I can change my behavior and patterns on a dime

and never go back to them

you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

alright now I feel like I did something

so my mood is less angsty and I have a move to make

still not tired but maybe that'll come soon

call Elise tomorrow and if that doesn't pan out

it's back to the drawing board

but I'll find someone and it'll be fine

and if it's not I'll find someone else

I am getting the fuck out of this stagnant energy

otherwise I'm going to start getting destructive

and that helps nobody

especially not me

[seongminiz]

why are your rankings are so accurate everytime. like i was also thinking serim would be very into it 😵

as i said , im always right‼️‼️ i may also have been granted the gift of prophecy bc i've predicted a lot of things but thats a story for another time (just kidding .. or am i⁉️)(it might also just be the autistic pattern recognition but being a prophet sounds a lot cooler doesn't it)

no yea hes definitely the one whos most into it by a lot not only bc his fingers r literally perfect but he just has that vibe yknow

[riverofrainbows]

I've been watching heartstopper for about the seventh time now, and this rewatch focusing mostly on Nick and his face and emotional journey, and I'm at episode 4 rn, so here are some things i noticed and thoughts:

I've been kinda watching it for the first time again, because I've mostly been focusing on Charlie or both of them till now, and its very lovely

Kit Connor really is an amazing actor, his face is very expressive and i can see everything so clearly in his face. Also he looks scared a lot more than I previously realised

I'm kind of reading Nick as autistic:

His sense of justice and almost naive goodness and earnesty, like he just assumes the best, and gets really angry and empathises a lot when people get treated badly

I specifically mean this arthurian attitude thats also seen in Lord of the rings, where they say really knightly stuff and mean it 100% seriously, and its also kind of the things that make people describe him as a golden retriever personality wise too

As I've been watching Nick's face so closely, he always has a specific kind of personable attitude when interacting with his old friends, and imogen too when they're in company such as at the picnic table before school

When he walks around alone at the party/sits at school and thinks he isn't being watched atm, he kind of drops that, and especially when he's worried about sth you can suddenly see it

This might also just be not trusting his friends to be open around them, which doesn't exclude the masking interpretation either tho. And is also very sad and probably sth too many people relate to

When with Charlie he does show his emotions, like joy, worry, insecurity etc (at school too mostly). Also with his mother mostly, with Tara and Darcy, and kind of around Charlies friends

The identity struggle. Not even just his bisexuality, that too, but specifically feeling like your entire life has been not you. I very much relate to this so maybe this is me projecting, but then again for me it was specifically autism and being queer that made me feel this way, and masking can very much contribute to losing your sense of identity.

His mother mentioned that he seems more like himself with Charlie than his old friends, and presumably he doesnt mask that much at home (he also lives out his interests at home with his mother such as watching a specific movie every day for several months)

Watching a specific movie almost every day for a prolonged period of time, something i did with rereading books again and again, or watching a specific youtube video over and over

Pattern recognition: He just kinda goes with the flow for a while, and then there is this specific moment where he realises that his feelings towards/past actions around Charlie are not straight (the evening at Charlies house, when he sits at home and kinda strokes the phone), and draws a consequence by looking up the am i gay quiz etc

More of an observation: I admire his decision making, and specifically his trust in himself and his own decisions, where he comes to a point where the data doesnt match previous conclusions anymore, and then promptly acts on it, which i think is very brave

Examples (so far): realising he is not straight as mentioned. Realising the romantic implications of Imogen/Party and, knowing that he feels some way about Charlie instead, inviting him.

Another point: in the beginning when Imogen (correctly) implied his behaviour was around a crush, and he was texting Charlie at the time and got freaked out a little by this as it goes against regular patterns of his life experience so far

Rugby as stimming/special interest?

Tbh this might be me projecting again, but the clothes formula of wearing one singular piece of trousers shirt and jacket and not doing much with it. And if its layers (such as the party) both are close fitting. He also always only wears his shirt of the school uniform, no jumper or blazer over (the tie is in the rulebook i assume), but this particular point might just be accidental. Anyways this is sth i do too bc layers stress me out so i always wear only one piece each and in the proper way, and while obviously not true for all autistic people, it's at least sth i noticed in several other autistic people.