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mandos-sluts · 3 years

Text

The Apology

The Mandolorian x Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Wordcount: 2.5k

Warnings: Smut, rough sex, dubious consent, degradation, daddy kink, dirty talk, alcohol consumption

Summary: You cause Mando’s negotiation to break down seek a way to make it up to him

A/N: Please message us or comment if you want to be on our tag list!!

You and Mando have been working as partner bounty hunters for about six months. The two of you just apprehended and turned in a bounty that was incredibly difficult to catch. But Mando was especially driven to catch her not because the price on her head was super high (though it was), but because there was a possibility the two of you would be able to collect the payout in beskar. The agency that put the bounty on her has a considerable reserve of beskar, and Mando has heard that they have paid out in beskar before.

The two of you arrive at the cantina where you’ve arranged to meet with a representative from the firm to negotiate your payment. You are exhausted and extra irritable— that bounty put up a grueling fight. You and Mando slide into a booth as a waiter approaches your table.

“Your strongest spotchka please.” You tell the waiter.

Mando turns his head and looks at you. “Y/n.” He says in a low, warning tone.

“What, Mando? We just turned in a bounty which we spent over a week hunting. I’m allowed to have a drink.”

The waiter returns with your drink and it’s gone within the minute. You set your empty glass on the table as a frail middle-aged man walks up to your booth.

Mando rises eagerly to his feet. “Hello sir, thank you for coming.” He says, shaking his hand. You don’t bother to stand, instead offering him a silent smile. You and Mando are partners, but this whole beskar exchange is his forte, and you’re fine with letting him take the lead.

“I understand that you would like to negotiate for your payment to be in beskar.” The man says sitting across from you and Mando.

“That’s correct sir. Thank you for meeting with us.” Mando returns. You’ve never seen him be so polite and formal with someone before.

“My consortium pays out in beskar very rarely. And that is typically only when the value of the Imperial Credit or the Calamari Flan are especially volatile. But both currencies are stable right now, why should we pay you with our limited beskar reserves?”

Mando begins his argument. *see gif* You pretty much zone out, slouched beside him. You know he’s saying something about how beskar is sacred to Mandalorians and how the amount you’re willing to accept in beskar is much less than they would pay you guys in a different form.

“Well, we would like to be in good standing with you.” You hear the man say as you zone back in. “And you must be one hell of a bounty hunter if you’re able to afford escorts as young and pretty as her.” The man says pointing at you. “Maybe I'll use the credits we don’t pay you to pick one of them young things up for myself.”

You lift your head and sit up straight. Being a woman bounty hunter, you get sexist comments like this all of the time. You usually ignore them, especially in high-pressure situations like this. However, you downed that spotchka you ordered and the alcohol is overriding the voice in your head that tells you to keep your mouth shut.

“I’m not a sex worker, I’m his hunting partner.” You assert, completely unamused.

“Hahahaha oh that’s cute. Sure you are, sweetheart.” The man cackles.

“And ya know….you probably wouldn’t need to pay women to be around you if you weren’t such a creepy pervert.” You say harshly.

Instant regret.

The tone in the booth immediately shifts. Shock and offense cover the man’s face.

“...Excuse me?” He says slowly rising from his seat with his palms on the table.

Mando quickly stands. “Sir, I’m sorry, she didn’t mean that. Please we–”

“Who the hell do you think you are?! You come in here asking for a favor and then disrespect me!?” The man yells down at you. “Here!” He tosses a bag of coins on the table. “Enjoy your Imperial credits!” He spits before turning and storming away.

“Wait sir, the beskar–” Mando pleads, but the man is already out the door.

You feel the guilt rise in your stomach. “Fuck! Mando I’m so sor–”

“Shut up. Let’s go.”

“Mando wait let me go talk to hi–”

“Let’s go!” He barks at you, making you jump.

You spend the walk back to the Crest profusely apologizing to Mando. He stays silent and doesn’t even acknowledge you. He’s walking so fast you’re running to keep up with him.

You desperately seek a response from him, but Mando enters the ship without saying a word. He makes his way up the ladder and you follow.

“Mando! I fucked up, I’m really sorry I shouldn’t have said anything. I know how important recovering beskar is to you, and I’m so sorry. I was drunk and….and I’m so so sorry!” You plead as your eyes fill with tears.

“Mando.” You beg, voice cracking as tears begin rolling down your face, “Please, please say something.” You cry as you pull on his arm. He yanks away from you and walks silently into the cockpit.

Mando has been livid with you before. You guys have engaged in plenty of screaming matches throughout your six months working together. They typically stem from you doing things he doesn’t think are safe, or the two of you disagreeing on what strategy you should employ to catch a bounty. But you’ve never seen him like this before. He’s more upset than angry; he’s disappointed. So much so that he doesn’t even want to yell at you. This is his creed, his religion, his people’s stolen commodity, and you just fucked up a chance for him to get some of it back.

Mando sits down in the pilot’s chair. You’re standing in the door to the cockpit behind him.

You take a deep breath. Your eyes are glossy and streaks of tears stain your cheeks. “Is–is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

Mando spins around in his chair so that he is facing you. “Yeah.” He says shortly.

Your eyes widened. “W-what is it?”

“Get on your knees.” Mando says in a low, rough voice.

“What?”

“You heard me. Get on your knees.”

Your knees shake as you slowly lower yourself to the floor. You sit on your knees and stare up at Mando with wide eyes and a confused desperate look.

“Take your hair down and take your dress off.” He commands flatly.

“Um, wh–”

“Are you gonna make me tell you again?” He interrupts you.

You pull your hair tie out of your hair, letting it fall down past your shoulders. You look up at Mando sitting in the chair, and see that he’s rubbing an unmistakable bulge over his pants.

Arousal shoots through your core and you can feel your panties become damp. He takes off his gloves and drops them to the floor. You begin slowly unbuttoning your dress, and Mando unbuttons his pants, removing his hard thick cock as he stares at you. He starts slowly stroking his length with his hand, sitting there, unapologetically watching you undress on your knees in front of him.

You can’t believe what’s happening. You’ve fantasized about Mando almost every night since you became a team, but you never envisioned something like this.

You pull your dress over your head and set it down on the cold metal floor next to you. You weren’t wearing a bra, so you’re completely naked except for a thong. Mando stands up and starts slowly creeping toward you, his cock in hand. Your head tilts higher and higher as he nears you with your gaze on his visor.

He stops when he’s standing directly above you, pumping his cock just inches away from your face which is still fresh with tears.

“M-Mando, I–”

“Shut up.” He snaps, grabbing your chin with his other hand. He runs his thumb along your bottom lip. “I only want your mouth open if my cock is in it.” He pulls your face toward his member and you instinctively part your lips as Mando pushes it into your mouth.

You’re in shock by what’s happening, but you manage to gather your composure and you begin sucking his dick. In any other situation, you would tease him by licking his length or starting only with the tip, but you figure it’s best to jump right in.

“Fuck.” Mando says under his breath, surprised at how readily you started bobbing your head.

You take a deep breath through your nose and move one of your hands to his thigh to steady yourself and the other to the bottom of his shaft and move it up and down along with your head.

Mando’s breathing picks up. “You’re such a fuckin brat.” He spits, weaving his hand into your hair on the back of your head.

You swirl your tongue around his tip and begin to take more of his length. “F-fuck your mouth feels so good.” Mando breaths out.

You let out a whimper and look up into his visor. His words encourage you to bob your head faster.

“Shit, y/n. You’re sucking my cock better than I thought you could. You do this a lot before, little slut?”

You feel arousal shoot to your pussy at the vulgar things that he— your hunting partner, your colleague— is saying to you. You can feel that your panties are soaked.

Mando’s grip on your hair tightens and he begins thrusting his hips. “Do you know how many times I’ve thought about shoving you to your knees and forcing my cock into that annoying mouth of yours?”

Breathing through your nose, you try your best not to gag as you let him take control. You want to show Mando how good you are at this— how much you can satisfy him.You bring your hand up and start kneading his balls, and Mando grunts. He can’t believe how submissive you’re being.

“Pfft, you’re a– a desperate little whore, letting– letting me fuck this delicate little throat of yours.” Mando says between thrusts. “You know you could tell me to stop, but you like this don’t you? You like being treated like a slut.”

You let out a pathetic whimper, signalling how right he was. You love that Mando is using you and fucking out his frustrations on you.

“Bet your panties are soaking wet.” Mando says. He takes his cock out of your mouth and grabs your upper arms. “In fact, let's see.” He says as he pulls you up off your feet. Mando sits down in the pilot’s chair and throws you over his lap.

Your head is near the ground and your ass is perched up on his lap. Mando spreads your ass cheeks apart and peers down at the drenched thin fabric covering your pussy. He grabs the top of your thong and wraps it around his hand. He pulls it up, making the fabric pull against your clit. You let out a yelp but he doesn’t relent, pulling it so hard until it snaps. He tosses the stretched broken panties to the ground and gazes down at your glistening, soaking wet cunt.

“Ha. I knew it. Fuck. Look at this desperate pussy.” Mando runs his middle finger through your folds. “Poor little girl. That why you’re being such a brat? Huh? You needed someone to fill your neglected little hole?”

Without warning, Mando plunges his middle finger into your hole and starts pumping it fast. Your mouth opens and whines begin to fall from your lips. Mando’s other hand slaps your ass. And you scream out. He spanks you a few more times, each harder than the one before.

The sounds of your whimpers, the sounds of his hand striking your soft skin, and the sounds of your obscenely wet pussy gushing as his fingers pump it fill the otherwise silent cockpit.

“Fuck your pussy is tight, y/n.” Mando spits. “You did such a good job with my cock in your mouth, let’s see how your pussy takes it.” He says flipping you around so that you are straddling him.

“Mando, I-I don’t know if it’s gonna fit!” You cry as you bring your hand down to cover your hole.

“I’m gonna make it fit.” Mando growls back, shoving your hand away and lining his member up with your entrance. But then, noticing the genuine worry in your eyes, he changes his tone.

“Come on, baby girl, open up for me.” Mando purrs softly. With his hands on your hips, he slowly guides your hips down so that just his tip enters you. He can feel your body relax.

You let out a breath and stare deeply into his visor, your hands are wrapped around his neck. You begin moving up and down his length, each time taking more of it into you as your moans become louder and your mouth falls open.

Mando lets out a grunt once his cock is fully engulfed by your walls. He can’t help but thrust his hips up as you begin to pick up your pace. Your moans become screams as his harsh thrusts upward coincide perfectly with the drop of your hips.

Mando is driving deep into your cunt as fast as he can. He moves one of his hands to your throat and squeezes it. “You– you gonna behave now, you little brat?”

“Y-yes, daddy.” You whimper back.

“Yeah? You gonna be a good girl for me?” Mando says as he aggressively spanks your ass.

All you can do at this point is nod in response. Your mouth agape and uncontrollable wails fall from your lips.

“You’re a dirty little slut, aren’t you? Letting me fuck the shit out of this prestine cunt of yours. Calling your partner daddy. Do it again.” He commands. “Call me daddy.”

“Daddy! D-daddy please– please don’t stop.” You cry out, gripping his shoulders and neck for dear life.

“Fuck, this pussy is– is so good. I might just have you sit on my cock while I– while I pilot the fucking ship.” Mando says.

He moves his hand back down to your waist and pushes your back so that he’s holding you up against him. His cold beskar feels so good against your nipples. Mando starts thrusting even faster and his grip on you tightens as he feels his orgasm approaching. Then Mando abruptly lifts you off his lap and drops you onto your knees in front of him. He stands up, pumping his member with his hand.

He’s panting. “I’m gonna cum on that pretty face of yours.”

You close your eyes and stick out your tongue, just as you feel Mando’s warm juices rain onto your face. “Ahhhhhhhhhh fuckkkkk.” He moans, looking down at your docile expression as he paints your skin with his cum.

“You look good like this.” Mando says with a slight chuckle as he bends down. He runs his thumb across your chin and then puts it in your mouth. You obediently suck his finger before he pops it out and grabs you a rag.

You wipe your face off. “Mando, I’m sorry.” You say flatly.

“I forgive you. And I’m sorry too.” He says sincerely. “That guy was an asshole.”

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Masterlist

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Taglist:

@pinkninja200 @raspberrymama @stevie75 @tacticalsparkles @kenoobiwan @shark-s @theamuz @blackrose8425 @beskarboobs @smutslutz

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bts-weverse-trans · 4 years

Photo

201127 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jungkook

Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.27

I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.

You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.

You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.

What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.

You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.

Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.

It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.

On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.

Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)

Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.

How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.

One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.

It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.

What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.

Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.

Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.

So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)

It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.

Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)

But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.

You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.

When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”

You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.

You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.

What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.

By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.

It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.

You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)

Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.

You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.

Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”

Trans © Weverse

#bangtan #jungkook #weverse #weverse magazine #be album #comeback interview #201127 #2020

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arcadejohn127-9 · 4 years

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Hii 👋 😁 okay so I'd like to request a valentines date with the brothers and newdatebales but while they are on the date MCs ex who is a complete jerk interrupts their nice time and MCs date makes the ex pay for being so rude. Happy Valentines Day! 💝

Happy valentine's! Ugh exes really can be a pain! I'd fist fight my ex for a stick of gum, no hesitation

Sorry this took so long, I've been asleep for most of the day

Pt.2 = undateables (minus Luke)

Context: you decided to go to the human world for your date

Lucifer:

Restaurant! Always - it's a classic

It was fairly lavish, Everyone was in suits or dresses, the place seemed to glitter from how polished it all was

A small classical band in the back

"I'm having a lovely time, I hope it's all to your liking."

"definitely is, though if you were the one playing the piano I'd make it even better."

"I'll keep that in mind for later."

He smirked, taking a sip of his wine whilst you just beamed

You two have been waiting month's for this renovation and you glad you were able to get it in on Valentines

"Oh! (Y/N) been ages- didn't expect you to be here, who's your friend?"

Your stomach dropped

Your ex just smiled at you two, leaning on your seat

"boyfriend."

"no! No way! You're dating?! I heard you were so broken after our breakup, so glad you were finally able to move on, must of been hard."

"Will you leave? I'm trying to enjoy myself-"

Lucifer glared at them, shifting in his seat incase he had to settle this - he had faith in your strength but knew he wouldn't stay silent for long

"Why so hostile?! I haven't done anything wrong it's not like I've gone and told him how clingy you were or the fact you just LOVED arguing."

"fuck off will you?! I wasn't clingy, you were just distant and barely treated me like a partner and we got into arguements because YOU kept going behind my back."

He finally stepped in, noticing you were getting EXTREMELY worked up and had tears lining your eyes

He pulled your ex around, gripping their face and flashed them his true forms face

They screamed as they shoved themselves away from him, darting away to their table

This made everyone look at them, Lucifer fixing his hair and wiped his gloves with a scented wipe

"how unpleasant, Let's get the check, we can finish this back at the house."

He called over a waiter, quickly paying and collecting the now packaged food

"Just tap me and I'll step in sooner, I know you can handle yourself but I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing you cry."

Mammon:

A drive in movie - wants to show off his hot wheels and attractive partner~

He was pulled all sorts of cheesy moves, the yawn and stretch is one but many

He smiled having you leaned against him with his arm around your shoulder

You told him you were going to get more snacks and he tried to follow you but you said it'll be alright

Though when you came back you saw your ex leaning on mammons car, flirting with him

"Babe! I told them to back off but they kept pushing-"

"I didn't expect to see you here, are you with him?"

"I'm very much with him, he's taken."

You roughly handed mammon the snacks

He knew to keep his mouth shut, that look on your face wasn't something to mess with

"what a shame, I'm glad you finally got over me though, I heard from your friends you disappeared for 6 months."

"yeah, I was busy with living my life not crying over you."

Your exes mouth twitched whilst you just jumped back into your side of the car

"Right, right - so are you two serious or just a fling? I know it's difficult for you to keep a partner - why not keep me company? You're too handsome to be with them, don't you think? There's no way you actually like them-"

They trailed a hand up mammons arm, sending him a wink

He smacked their hand away from him, growing tired of their behaviour

"you listen here I'm in love with them more than your tiny little human brain will ever understand, back away from my car or watch us go on with our date."

When your ex didn't move he grabbed your shirt, pulling you in into a heated kiss

Whilst you two made out your cradled his head, flipping off your ex, mammon didn't have to even look to know what you were doing

He joined in on flipping them off, you both stayed like that until you heard them scoff and leave

"just say the word and I'll do whatever you ask, I won't let them get away with talking to you like that."

When the movie was done you spotted your exes car with the window down, mammon happily through your Popcorn into their window

But it wasn't over, when his car got close enough he took a pocket knife, slashing their car and immediately drove off at high speed

Levithan:

Arcade; was there really anything else?

He was determined to get you all the arcade prizes, using all his skills to make the machine do as he wished

Has used his tail to grab a prize from a rigged claw machine

"what else should we do? I saw a two player shooter finally open up."

"maybe dance dance Revolution? It'll be fun~"

He groaned, not wanting to do physical exercise but smiled when you weren't looking

He knew every dance song and pattern! He was going to impress you so much!

Of course there was a line, two kids hogging it and people recording them

Though things took a turn when your ex showed their face

"i should of known you'd come here, can't seem to stop visiting our old dating spots, huh?"

You rolled your eyes, clutching levithan's hand

If you were going to be honest, you completely forgot this was one of your old date places

You just remembered it was close by and you've been there when you were younger

"get over yourself, I'm on a date with my boyfriend."

"him? Really? I knew I hurt you but I didn't expect you to downgrade this much."

Levi looked down ashamed, anger boiling inside of him at how they spoke to you

He suddenly moved Infront of you, gripping your exes shirt as he pinned them to the photo-booth

"I don't care what you say to me but I know that you're just a cheating liar who gets off making others feel shitty, stay away from us or I will rip you to shreds limb by limb!"

He didn't even know his voice raised, punching the booth beside their head

Your normally timid boyfriend only got like this when you tried to be a better TSL fan than him or he lose his patience with mammon

Your ex cowered under his gaze, darting off as soon as they could

"i- I hope I didn't speak over you! I know you could of easily dealt with them but I just couldn't stand it!"

Satan:

Meausum, very interesting with different moments in history and discoveries all for the public to see - a date for nerds

Good thing you're both nerds (tbh I'd love a date like this)

"I was actually alive when this happened, It was pretty remarkable."

Oh yeah, expect him to be giving you all the classified details of moments in history

You just wished you had him whilst you were doing your history exams, you could of gotten so much extra credit!

"were you ever in any pictures? It would be pretty fun if we spotted you in the back of one of these."

He just laughed, grinning as you slowly began to realize that was an actual possibility

But before you could press on your mouth flew shut

Your ex was here

You elected to ignore them but they didn't have the same idea for you

"I never expected to see you around again, I thought you disappeared completely when no one heard from you in months."

"now that you're talking to me I wish I had, is there a reason you're interrupting my date?"

"your date? Is this him? I didn't think you'd move on so quickly~ shows what value you have on relationships."

Satan was pleased; he's heard all about your ex and was mad they were even breathing the same air as you

You were more annoying than any of his brother's and he hasn't even said anything to them yet

"I got over you quickly which might I add 10 months isn't a short time span - because you mean nothing me, you're a bitch."

"Back off or you'll end up with a bloody nose."

"gonna hit? Some man you are! Quick to violence-"

He grabbed their head, quickly jerking their head as if he was going to smash it into the display

His fingers dug into their scalp and tugged at their hair

"You have 5 seconds, I'm feeling nice today because it's valentine's - run now or I will put a dent in your skull."

He let go and he began to count, your ex looked at you both with fear before running

Just grazing the 5 second limit

"what was we discussing? Ah yes, I'll point out where I am, I think the picture is just up ahead."

Asmodeus:

Bath store date!!!

If it's with asmo - anything can be exciting

Even if it is you two walking around snorting bath bombs and poking the bath jello

Asmo handed you a bar

"smell it~ it's got herbs and flowers in it, doesn't the smell remind you of the kitchen back home?"

You gave it a small sniff but almost got abit of herb stuck in your nose when you saw your ex looking straight at you

He caught onto your surprise, slightly turning to see someone approach you two

"Careful there, don't want it to get stuck up your nose."

Your ex laughed, you just frowned

The demon looking between you, noticing how unhappy you were

"Do you want something? We're busy."

"I spotted you and thought to see hi! It's been so long since we've talked! Are you feeling abit better now after your break? I know the breakup was hard."

They gave you a pity filled look, patting your shoulder

"No, the breakup was easy to get through but why does it matter to you? We're not friends and you dumped me and that was that."

"come on it couldn't be just that, don't be shy Infront of- who are you exactly?"

Asmo quickly wrapped an arm around you, hugging you close as he gave your ex a tight smile

"Their boyfriend~! And I'm not happy about you talking to my sweetheart, leave."

"boyfriend? You look like that and you wanna try to be tough, you're as scary as a cloud- this is what you moved on with? I should of expected it."

"cute, look me in the eyes whilst you say that, won't you?"

Your ex foolishly did, Getting ready to insult but felt themself be fully charmed

"Won't you be a dear and spin around for me? Perhaps start clucking like a chicken, I think there's some feed over there." He cooed.

You bursted out laughing watching your ex do exactly as they were asked

Your boyfriend just smiled, picking up another soap and sniffing it before handing it to you

"ooo it's really fragrance, let's get this one."

You ignored your charmed ex, leaving the store with your stuff, hearing them yell out in humiliation as soon as you stepped out the store

Beezlebub:

Picnic, Should of been expected

You watched him do his stretches; you knew he had to keep himself occupied with draining tasks to keep better control over his constant hunger

He already scarfed down most of what was in basket before his fitness watch went off

You just sat back and observed

"I know this isn't romantic but once I'm tired we can continue, I'm sorry."

"Beel, I'd rather watch you flex your muscles than feel starved."

"I'll do my best."

He leaned down and you met him half way, Sharing a quick kiss before he went jogging

Everytime he passed your spot you gave him a cheer

But what you didn't expect was your ex to whistle, watching Beel with you

"do you mind? That's my boyfriend."

"I can see, how'd you get a guy like him? He's shredded, I didn't think big guys were your type."

"It's none of your business what my type is, our relationship is over and I told you I never wanted to see you again."

Your ex scoffed, glaring down at you

"is that why you disappeared for months? You really think I'd be desperate enough to message you again?"

"is it it of your system yet? Can you leave?"

"What's the issue..? You don't look pleased."

He was looking directly at you, concern on his face

You sighed In annoyance

"oh~ and he has a nice voice aswell, aren't you a package, wanna go somewhere more private?"

It was your turn to scoff, beel frowned at your ex

He knew how unpleasant your ex was and immediately stepped towards them

He grabbed their head and easily lifted them off the ground and put them to his eye level

"Apologize and Leave."

Your ex whimpered, wincing in pain, beel moved them like a ragdoll and made them face you

"I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING!"

They were let go and scampered off

You turned to beel, cupping his face, his mood immediately improving

"you did amazing, baby, are you tired or do you need to keep exercising?"

"I think I'll be able to be fine now, I'm glad they left so quickly, I was going to eat them."

Belphegor:

He wanted sky diving but you decided to go to the mattress store

Odd date choice but it made perfect sense to your boyfriend, they were having double bed special offers

He sunk into the mattress, sighing feeling how soft and bouncy it was

"We Should get this one."

"you said that with the last mattress, I'm sure you could find one hard as a rock and still want it."

"the top of the sofa is a comfy spot but I like my mattresses soft."

You just hummed, looking at the prices

"Tore up the old one with one of your tantrums? What a shame."

"excuse me??! I had a death In my family and that was an accident-! Why are you even here?!"

You can't believe it! Your ex had to be here of all places!

"I did want to say hi but now you're just getting all worked up over abit of teasing, you're still so sensative."

"Wow, forever the gaslighting cunt, I'm really not surprised you haven't changed but you got real balls to be so public about how much of a shitty person you are."

Beel was propped up on the mattress, happily watching you verbally destroy your ex

"you're just a bitch as always-"

"hold on, I'm just teasing - no need to get all angry about it."

He snickered whilst you smirked, coping the same tone your ex used

"Ah~ I know you, they told me about you, you're the ex that slipped and fell into the pool full of sick, I've been laughing about that for months."

"you-! I can't believe you'd talk about me so much, have you really moved on?"

"they told him one story, calm down, is this what you do now that you're single? terrorise couples in mattress store?"

They tried to bark back but he cut them off

"You know...I know plenty of ways to suffocate a human and I wouldn't even have to put a single finger on you, unless you want to see what I can do to your mind, I'd turn around and bother someone else."

They stared at him in horror, seeing you both just look down at them, enjoying their struggle for words

"you're both little shits, I hope you're miserable."

"and I hope you get the hell out of my face before I decide to stop being nice."

His eyes glowed as mist formed at his fingers, unnoticeable to anyone else around you

Your ex winced, a choked noise escaping them

They surprised you by being smart for once, turning around and storming away

"Are you miserable, belphie?"

"only when you're not around."

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #gamingclubpresident #aracadejohn217 9 #obey me mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beezlebub #obey me levithan #obey me luficer #obey me belphegor #obey me discourse #obey me x you #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me imagine #valentine's day

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musette22 · 3 years

Note

Hi, darling (I hope it´s ok to call you darling) I´m starting to write ff so I am really curious to know more about your dont´s and any other advice about writing that you might have. I´m a huge fan of your stories and I think you´re an incredible writer so I will really value your opinion on the topic

Hi, lovely! It's absolutely fine to call me darling, you can call my anything you like as long as it's something nice 😘 Thank you SO much for your kind words about my writing, I appreciate it more than I can say 💗 I'm so happy to hear you're starting to write fanfiction as well, that's very exciting!! As for writing advice, I really don't feel qualified to dole out advice lol, but I'll do my best to tell you about a few things that I try to do and/or avoid myself when I'm writing! I'll put it under the keep reading tag for you, since it's a little lengthy 😘

1. Make sure you stick to one tense. I personally always write in present tense, but I know a lot of people who write in past tense as well, and that's just a matter of personal preference. Both are absolutely fine, as long as you consistently use one or the other throughout your fic (with the exception of course of when a character is recalling something, or in dialogue etc. But that speaks for itself, I imagine)

2. Make sure you stick to one POV within a single scene. Unless you're writing from the omniscient narrator POV or something like that, you always write from one person's perspective, meaning we are in their brains and looking through their eyes. It's incredibly jarring to me when within a single scene, multiple POVs occur. It just jolts me out of the story immediately, because that's impossible in real life, and it should therefore also be in fiction. It's fine to switch POV from one chapter or even scene to another, as long as it's clear that it's intentional POV switching.

3. Avoid the use of epithets and characteristics (i.e. when someone is described as 'the taller/older man' or 'the blond woman') to indicate someone instead of using their name or he/she/they. This does not apply when it's a character whose name we don't know yet. It makes sense to describe those characters by some of their characteristics, although if it's a while before we learn the character's name, I personally prefer it when people just give them a nickname (blondie, Hot Gym Guy, Sarah's dad etc.)

4. When writing dialogue, try not to use too many alternatives to the word 'says/said'. It's understandable to want to avoid constantly going "Bucky says" and "Steve says" etc. since that can get irritating too, but only using substitutes like "grumbles" or "sighs" or "whines" or "mutters" can also start to become tedious after a while. The trick is to find a balance, and to also write dialogue in such a way that it's often clear who's saying what without always having to indicate who is speaking.

5. Try to use a mix of shorter and longer sentences. I personally find it difficult to get into a story when it consists of only short sentences, but of course, when an author only writes very long sentences with lots and lots of commas, that can get a little tiring too. So the trick is to try and mix it up, but in an organic way (so not alternating or anything like that, but finding a balance that works).

6. Use proper punctuation. I can't stress this enough. Commas and full stops and hyphens all exist for a reason. Please use them as they were meant to be used as much as possible, and be economical with exclamation marks. In my opinion, it's almost always possible to show that someone is agitated or enthusiastic by simply using the right words, or sometimes some well-placed italics.

7. Pay extra attention to your opening sentence/paragraph. Make sure it's engaging, and draws your reader in. An easy way to do that is to open with dialogue, but if you do that, do make sure that you take the time to set the scene as well. Your reader will want to learn the who-what-where at some point during the first few paragraphs. It's sometimes tempting to open a fic by explaining what happened before this scene, how the character(s) got to where they are, and exactly who they are, but to me, that can feel decidedly clunky a lot of the time. So again, try to find a balance (but I'll admit it's a tricky thing to get right!)

8. Try to find a balance between exposition and dialogue. It's totally fine and understandable that some fics are heavier on one than the other (it depends on a lot of factors), but if a fic consists almost exclusively of descriptions without there being a good reason for it, I personally find that it gets less engaging. Similarly, if a fic uses a LOT of dialogue and rarely delves into exposition, it can kind of make me feel a little unmoored or stressed, and like I need to catch my breath. If possible, try to alternate.

So basically, it's all about balance 😅 I could probably go on, but I think these are some of the most important practical things I can think of when it comes to writing a story. Please keep in mind that I am not a professional author, and that I've only been writing for about three years, and learned through trial and error more than anything. I still struggle with a lot of the above - as you, as a reader of my fics, will probably know! But I do always try to pay attention to these issues, so I hope some of these tips can be useful for you too!! Let me know if you want me to elaborate on any of these points, and best of luck with your writing, lovely!! 😘😘

#writing advice #my writing #fanfiction #minnie answers

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lilacandladybugs · 3 years

Text

Winnie the Pooh Rendition: In Which Technoblade Leads an Expedition and Phil Helps

Techno the Pig lived just outside of the remains of Pogtopia inside a Secret underground Bunker surrounded by all his pets and valuables. As many people know, Secret places are very important for every kind of pig, as pigs are creatures who are very Clever and Strong and Powerful and Have Things which people would like to steal. Pigs are also generally known as the most generous of animals, which makes them easy to steal from, as it is very difficult for pigs to say no to their allies.

It just so happened that when Technoblade had all of his allies over to his bunker in order to give them many gifts of great value, none of them asked twice. They did not say, “Are you sure, Technoblade?” or, “Thank you, Technoblade,” or even a considerate, “May I help myself, Technoblade?”

Of course this did not bother him, being the kind and generous pig he was, but as he looked through his chests the next morning he found them concerningly sparse. “Look at this,” he said to himself, “they even took the bookcases from my enchanting room.” This seemed unnecessary.

It was high time for him to move.

Just as he was thinking this, Phil dropped down into his base. “Hello, Technoblade!”

“Hullo,” Technoblade said, still thinking very hard about his lack of books, “I think I need to move houses Phil.”

“Really?” asked Phil, coming over to look at his bookshelf-less enchanting room with him.

“I actually already built a place earlier, but I still need to move my mobs over there. Hubert and the skeleton. Do you want to help?” Most people could not be trusted around such precious mobs, but it was also generally known that people called Phil were helpful and trustworthy people to Pigs like Techno.

“Sure, Techno.” Phil said happily, “Do you have any plans about how to move them?” They both walked back into the main chest chamber where Hubert and the Skeleton looked at them mournfully. The area was rather cramped and there wasn’t a good way to place a boat to get them up the elevator. Technoblade leaned over the stone wall to Hubert.

“Don’t worry Hubert,” he whispered, “we’re going to get you out of there.” He would never pick favorites, but if he had to choose, Hubert was his favorite.

“I don’t have a plan,” Techno confessed, “I think we’ll probably need a boat though.”

Philza examined the situation for a minute before declaring, “I mean we could just push them up the water elevator manually, we don’t need to put them in a boat.”

“Ah,” said Technoblade, pretending that he Understood Things about Minecraft like Phil did, “Yeah, that could work.”

Phil broke down the wall around Hubert with his pickaxe and started pushing him toward the water elevator. Hubert meandered out of his old spot and looked around at both Technoblade and Philza before walking over to the water elevator and zooming up to the surface.

“Okay,” Phil said, casually, “now we should make sure he doesn’t drown.” Phil went up the elevator after him.

This alarmed Technoblade. “Wait,” Techno grabbed some soul sand and a boat.

“Hurry up!” called Phil from the surface, “He’s drowning.”

“No!” Techno zoomed up the water elevator, dug out the sand under Hubert, and placed the soul sand. Hubert bobbed to the surface and looked at Techno gratefully. Well, his expression was probably grateful, but it was a little bit difficult to tell from underneath his pumpkin hat.

“Here Phil, you ride with Hubert, and I’ll ride with the skeleton.” Techno retrieved the skeleton with much less trouble than they had retrieved Hubert, and they both placed their boats and headed off Up North.

Technoblade went first so he could keep watch for Dangerous things such as Mobs and also baby zombies. Even though Phil was impressive for a human, having lived a very long life, it was said that he would be killed easily by a baby zombie. Technoblades on the other hand, had no known weaknesses and were impervious to many harmful attacks. “I don’t understand Phil,” Technoblade said, as his skeleton shot him in the back repeatedly, “why a baby zombie could be more dangerous to you than normal zombies.”

Phil chuckled, “I don’t either.”

“Babies are almost always weaker than adults. Have you ever fought a baby, Phil?”

“No.”

“I have and it was trivially easy to defeat, Phil.”

Philza scowled, thinking of his last attempt to kill a baby zombie, “Well baby zombies are quite a bit faster than regular zombies, and they have smaller hitboxes, and—”

Technoblade on the other hand was preoccupied with his plan to keep both his mobs and Philza alive until they got to his base, “Don’t worry Phil, I’ll protect you.”

Just as he was saying this, the wintery biome appeared in newly loaded chunks. It looked very cold with the snow carelessly dancing down from the sky, and the houses in the nearby village looked very cozy. If it hadn’t been night, it would have been perfect conditions to go for a nice stroll along with his friend Phil and two mobs. Unfortunately they would have to be very careful, Techno explained to Phil, as if Phil was not a hardcore minecraft player, and they must look out carefully for mobs, as the area was a Dangerous Area at night. Who knew how many baby zombies might approach them from the shadows.

“I have full netherite armor Techno I can take care of myself—”

“PHIL, LOOK OUT!” Techno jumped out of his boat onto shore and killed the newly spawned baby zombie in two hits with his sword.

“Techno oh my God,” but Phil was laughing and couldn’t hardly bring himself to look annoyed.

“Look, let’s just get to my base as quickly as possible. We wouldn't want anything to happen to Hubert.”

So they made their way through the tundra to Techno’s base, fighting off mobs, chatting among themselves, and Phil let Techno be the one to pull the skeleton along even though he was entirely capable of doing it by himself. They came around a corner up to Techno’s base, and just managed to get the mobs safely in the basement without suffocating them.

“So why were you trying to move out of your base, Techno?” Phil asked.

“Well after the L’Manburg war I lost everything. They came and ransacked my base, I couldn’t do anything about it. I think Tubbo took several stacks of emeralds.” Techno looked around his safe house, now secret and tucked away somewhere safe with everything that he cared about. Nobody would be able to steal things that he loved now. “They even took my books.”

“Oh,” said Phil.

“Wait,” Techno turned to Phil, “You took them didn’t you.” He felt his heart drop a little bit, he had just complained about all of those things going missing for hours. But Phil, Phil was Special and Different. It would be okay, Techno thought, If Phil had taken the books.

“Well,” Phil said, “I did say before I took them, “Are you sure Technoblade?””

“That is true,” Technoblade admitted, “You did.”

“And I also made sure to ask you, “May I help myself to anything, or is there anything at all that you still need?””

“Yes,” Technoblade said, “You did do that.”

“And I did my best to say thank you. And I really needed those books.” Phil said, sounding very quiet this time.

“You know what,” Techno said, trying to take back two hours of being everything that a Good and Generous pig of his caliber was not supposed to be, “For you, the world Phil.”

“Oh,” said Phil. “Thank you Techno.”

“Would you like to come inside our base and have some potatoes?” Techno asked, opening the door to the upstairs.

“Yes, I think I would.”

So they went inside and had dinner together, and dried themselves off by the fire, and had hot chocolate together. And while I can’t be certain, I believe they talked there for quite some time, feeling happy, and remembering what it is like to be safe and comfortable around someone else again.

#technoblade #philza #winnie the pooh au #dream smp #dream smp fanfiction #dsmp #dsmp fanfiction

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andypantsx3 · 4 years

Text

statistically significant | 4 | bakugou/reader

length: 23,490 words | 7 chapters

summary: You’re the scientist who developed a neural net to model the value of assists. Now that your work is feeding into the hero rankings, pro hero Ground Zero has a bone to pick with your results.

tags: romance, enemies to lovers, sexual tension, reader-insert

warnings: aged up characters, eventual smut, m/f threats of violence, problematic behavior

For someone so loud and obnoxious, Bakugou was proving incredibly difficult to track down.

You spent the next few days hunting all over Miruko’s agency for him, an apology sitting uncomfortably in the back of your mouth, but no matter where you went, the hero was nowhere to be found. You prowled inexhaustibly through the fluorescent halls of the underground floors, and poked around curiously amongst the messy piles of paperwork on the business floor. You’d even switched up your schedule in case he was specifically timing his entrances and exits around you, and had taken to lingering suspiciously around the training rooms like some kind of leery pervert, eyeing every blonde head of hair with a little too much interest.

The more you thought about it, though, the more you realized Bakugou wasn’t exactly the type to hide and avoid confrontation, so eventually you moved on to interrogating Mina and Kaminari on Bakugou’s whereabouts. Both of them claimed not to know anything, and no one else seemed to have anything more helpful to say either, nothing more than “I don’t know, haven’t seen him.” It was reaching the point where you were honestly considering filing a missing persons report if he didn’t turn up soon.

It wasn’t until Friday morning that you finally glimpsed a head of messy, ash-blonde hair stalking down the hall to one of the training rooms. You all but fell out of your chair and launched yourself out of the surveillance room after him, shoes slapping loudly in the hall.

You weren't exactly being sneaky, but you didn't expect Bakugou to react the way he did. As soon as you got close, he stiffened and whirled on you. You caught a flash of red eyes and white teeth bared in a snarl before the hallway tipped out of focus and your back hit the wall, Bakgou’s hand clenched in the scruff of your shirt.

“The fuck are you doing?” Bakugou demanded, crimson gaze searching you over. A scowl sat heavily on his mouth, and you noticed that the corner of it was bruised. A long scratch ran across the bridge of his nose, tapering off over one high cheekbone. The rest of him looked untouched--he was clean, and dressed in simple, dark training clothes again that hugged the planes of his chest and strong thighs.

You stared up at him, shocked to find yourself against a wall again. “You’re--you’re here.”

A blonde eyebrow went up. “I fucking work here, nerd.”

You suppressed an eye roll. “That’s not what I meant, Bakugou. I’ve been looking for you--I need to talk to you.”

“So you thought you’d charge me like a fucking rhinocerous?” he demanded. His fingers unclenched from your shirt, however, relaxing against your collarbone. You fought down a shiver as his callouses caught on your skin.

“Don’t run up behind a hero like that, idiot. Especially after a mission,” he growled.

You eyed the cut across his nose speculatively. “Is that where you were this week?”

“That’s none of your damn business, is it, you nosy little shit?” he asked, something like a self-satisfied smirk pulling at the edge of his mouth.

You let your head fall back against the wall with a thunk, sighing. You’d forgotten how annoying he was in the near week you hadn’t seen him. It was going to make apologizing so fucking frustrating.

“Can you please just not make everything so difficult for once?” you asked absently, trying to dredge up enough humility to get on with your apology.

Bakugou let out a grunt, but shifted closer, one very intimidating bicep coming up to frame your head. Your mouth suddenly went very dry.

“You’re one to fucking talk,” Bakugou said, staring at you with intent.

Mina’s comments on his romantic preferences flitted to the surface of your mind in a wild flurry. Your face heated, and you desperately pushed the memories down. As much as you wanted to snipe at him with an unexpected comeback on what he really thought of women who didn’t take his shit, you did not want him to know you’d been discussing his inclinations. Besides, that would be presumptuous. Just because he had a thing for mouthy girls in general did not mean that preference extended to under-caffeinated and irritable data scientists.

You pushed yourself away from him, pressing harder into the wall in an attempt to create space. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight with you, okay?”

Those crimson eyes watched you impassively.

“Then what the fuck did you want, nerd?” he asked, leaning slightly closer where you’d just managed to create an inch of extra space. You caught that scent again, hot and butter-sweet in your nose, like burnt caramel, and tried your hardest to ignore exactly how symmetrical his face was up close.

You suppressed an eye twitch. What was his thing about walls and intimidating people? And why was he so close to you? Had this man never heard of personal space?

“Actually, I came to apologize,” you said haltingly, looking up at him. If you hadn’t been watching him carefully, you might not have caught the minute widening of his eyes, the very slightest downturn of his blonde brows.

“What?” he rasped.

“You heard me,” you insisted. “I didn’t mean that you were--uh--weak. When I said I would help the other day. That’s the opposite of what I meant.”

Bakugou’s mouth pulled into an immediate snarl. “Fuck you. I don’t need your pity. I can handle myself fucking fine.”

You huffed. “I don’t pity you. That’s not what I meant.”

“If you fucking think--”

“I don’t!” you yelped, seeming to startle him. “Can you just listen for ten seconds? I’m trying to say something here.”

“Fucking obviously--”

“Bakugou, shut up!” you demanded. “This whole situation isn’t what you think it is, okay? I--I only made a bet with you in the first place because I thought you could jump rank, alright? When I say I’m helping you, I mean that I’m giving you insight because I firmly believe that you are capable of pulling this off. I....honestly, I wouldn’t have even made the damn bet if I didn’t actually want you to try this, because everyone knows you can do literally anything if you want it enough. Obviously you’re going to win.”

He was staring now, and it was all you could do not to shrink under the intensity of his gaze.

“So before you get your panties all in a twist over the fact that I used the word help, just remember that it doesn’t mean I think you’re incapable. I think you’re the most capable out of everyone here. And if you would stop being such a fussy baby for five frigging minutes, we could get back to retraining your habits so you could prove that you are!” you finished, huffing a little with the force of your anger. You forced your fists to uncurl from where they had balled up at your side.

Bakugou watched you carefully, unnervingly silent. You could feel his gaze almost like a touch where it brushed over you, and you fixed your eyes resolutely below his face, not wanting to look at him. You shifted uncomfortably against the cold plaster of the wall, waiting for the dam to break. Where was the screaming? When was it coming?

To your horror, a smirk pulled at the corner of Bakugou’s mouth instead.

“You think I’m the most capable, huh?” he asked. His arm shifted closer.

A flush washed through you with startling speed, heating your cheeks. “Oh my god. Shut up.”

His smirk widened into a predatory smile, baring a pointed canine. “It’s okay. You can own up to your little crush on me, nerd.”

You stared at him in shock. “How is that what you took away from this conversation? I didn’t say that. How in the world would you think that, when all you do is shove me against walls and act like a ginormous baby?”

“You’d prefer I shove you against walls and do something else?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow raising.

Your mind blanked out, fuzzy with static for a moment. You fought down a tiny, traitorous shiver. What the hell was going on in his brain? And how in the actual fuck was this the turn the conversation was taking? All you had wanted to do was get him out of his snit fit so you could get back on track to obtaining software engineers. How had he gotten so off track?

“That’s not what I--! I mean, you--!” you babbled uselessly, freezing up when he shifted his arm. He watched you with obvious relish.

“Ugh, I think I prefer you when you’re screaming at me,” you groused.

Bakugou’s smirk turned wicked, and he opened his mouth to say something you were certain you absolutely did not want to hear. Panicking, you brought a hand up and shoved it over his mouth.

“Whatever is about to come out of there, just keep it to yourself,” you commanded. “Now you’ve wasted enough time dicking around. We need to retrain your habits stat if you want to have enough time for everything to propagate in the model by the end of the month.”

A rough palm came up to yank your hand away from his face. “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.”

You rolled your eyes. “Not if you want any chance of actually winning the bet.”

Bakugou scoffed, but to your surprise, he didn’t outright dismiss you. His eyes roved over you for a few seconds more, before he pronounced imperiously, “Tell me your big plan then, nerd. I’ll decide if it’s worth my damn time.”

You sighed. It was probably too much to hope that he’d suddenly be totally amenable to everything after your big speech. He wouldn’t be Bakugou Katsuki if he didn’t make everything such a production. At least he was still here and listening, despite the front he was putting up. And the weird conversational detour he’d attempted to take.

“I was thinking you need team training,” you said lightly. “To get in the habit of sticking close by to other heroes, and to practice evaluating situations more slowly.”

He regarded you consideringly, scarlet eyes flicking over your face. “You want me to train with a bunch of these b-list fucking idiots?”

You suppressed another eye roll. “Teammates. I want you to train with your teammates, Bakugou.”

He made a dismissive noise. “As if. I’m not going near any of those annoying little shits.”

You eyed him speculatively, a thought forming in the back of your mind. “....What about annoying little shits that will go near you?”

He scowled. “What?”

You gestured past him, to the window of a nearby training room, where two familiar figures were darting around the space, throwing up middle fingers at each other as often as attacks. “I have some people in mind.”

Bakugou glanced over his shoulder. Enough of his face was in view for you to see the thunderous expression that overtook over his features as he regarded his friends.

When he turned back to you, he was growling. “No. Absolutely fucking not.”

“Heya Blasty!” Kaminari chirped over his shoulder, pausing when you’d opened the door to the training room. “And stats girl! Come to let a real hero show you how it’s done?”

He shifted up out of a crouch, scrubbing a hand through his hair. Sweat had dried in it, standing some of it on end like he’d been hit with his own lightning. Actually, judging from the singe marks all over his clothes, maybe he had.

“Shut the fuck up before I blow your brains right outta your skull,” Bakugou’s sharp tone issued from somewhere over your shoulder. You could hear debris crunching heavily under his boots, like he was stomping a little.

Mina’s wild pink curls peeked out from behind an overturned car. “Do I hear the dulcet tones of my sunshine boy, Bakugou Katsuki?”

A telltale round of crackling went off behind you, accompanied by a snarl. Mina just laughed, sliding out fully from her hiding place, looking completely unthreatened. “Relax, Blasty. No one’s around to question your tough guy image.”

Bakugou made a dismissive noise. “The fuck do you know.”

Mina made an amused humming noise. Her dark eyes found yours and she smiled conspiratorially. You were struck again by the mental image of Bakugou in makeup and had to suppress a wild laugh.

“Hey, quit it with the fucking face over there,” Bakugou barked, seeming to detect that mutual amusement was being shared at his expense. He surged past you to put his entire palm over Mina’s face. Mina only laughed louder, her peals of bright laughter muffled slightly in his hand. “I’ll fucking end you.”

Kaminari dismissed the two of them, golden eyes flicking over to you. He smiled boyishly. “So, stats girl. What brings you and your angry pomeranian here?”

“Hey, fuck you, pikachu,” Bakugou growled. Then, “You fucking--raccoon--did you just lick me?”

You bit down on a smile, glancing between Mina and Kaminari. It was unexpectedly cute, the way Bakugou was clearly outmatched by his chaotic friends. They seemed supremely unconcerned with the fact that he might actually follow through on his threats, if the way Mina was making kissing noises into his hand was any indication.

“I thought I’d ask if you guys would be willing to train with Bakugou. He needs...adjustments,” you said, making sure to steer clear of the word help. You’d said your apology, and it seemed like Bakugou understood now, but you didn’t want to muddy the waters any on that point.

“Aww, and you came to little old us?” Kaminari asked Bakugou. His tone did nothing to disguise his obvious glee.

“Fuck you, I didn’t come to you--”

“I did,” you pronounced, deciding to help Bakugou out a little. You weren’t going to get anywhere if he spent the whole afternoon flinging insults and insisting he didn’t need anything from Mina and Kaminari. “He has two areas he wants to retrain on. This afternoon I was thinking you could run a couple simulations where he has to stick close to you two instead of going off on his own to do whatever he wants.”

“I don’t go off and do whatever, you damn nerd, I finish the fucking fight--”

“Do you guys think you might be able to spare an hour or two?” you asked loudly. “I’m sure he’d be willing to return the favor for your retraining.”

Kaminari looked positively gleeful, and Mina’s unusual eyes sparkled curiously from over Bakugou’s broad hand. To your surprise, Bakugou didn’t disagree.

“If I get to play villain, I’m in!” Mina agreed, finally shaking Bakugou’s hand off. “I’m gonna melt your legs off,” she told him.

He scoffed. “Good luck trying without any damn arms.”

She made a kissy face at him. “Gonna be hard to come at me if you have to stick to Denki the whole time.”

“Hey,” Kaminari protested indignantly, but he was drowned out by Bakugou descending into an incredibly explicit rant full of choice invectives. This seemed to prompt both Mina and Kaminari to let loose their own shit talk--Mina's comments in particular so obscene and inventive they would make a frat boy blush. It took some prompting and several minutes before the three of them were coherent enough to discuss the training again.

When you eventually managed to reroute them, they drew up the terms of their practice--Bakugou couldn’t go further than fifty feet from Kaminari for the duration of the exercise, and he’d be docked points for every possible opportunity he had where he might have assisted Kaminari and instead went in for the kill on his own. You agreed to code something up quick to layer over the training footage, to identify when Bakugou strayed too far from Kaminari, or went for a shot himself. To make it stick, Mina also insisted that at the end of the exercise, if Bakugou had managed to lose more than ten points, he had to submit to a punishment of Mina and Kaminari's choosing. You shuddered to think of what that was.

Once the details were fully hashed out, you found yourself being immediately shepherded out of the training room by Bakugou. He ushered you along impatiently like a dog corralling a wayward sheep.

“I’m gonna let loose on these fucking clowns--don’t need your quirkless ass getting in the way,” he groused as he led you. This drew you up short at the threshold, and you gaped at him, eyes darting up to catch his.

You...hadn’t told him you were quirkless. In fact, you were sure you hadn’t discussed that with anyone here, not even Miruko. The fact wasn’t something that bothered you, but it also wasn’t the sort of thing you brought up all too often. So....how did Bakugou know?

His scarlet gaze flicked almost lazily over you, and he seemed to catch the unspoken question. Rubble crackled under his boots as he shifted his weight to one hip. “What? You think you’re the only one who’s done their research, brat?”

You felt your heartbeat stutter and then pick up, just the slightest bit. Done...his research? What exactly did that mean? And if he meant what you thought he meant, what was it he’d been trying to learn about you? And why did he need to know?

“Bakugou, what--?” you began, but he cut you off by raising one large hand and shoving you through the door. He leaned out after you, and you caught a hint of that burnt caramel scent again. Your mind fogged a little at his proximity.

“I’m gonna win the fucking bet,” he pronounced slowly, scarlet gaze cutting into you, “and then you’re in for it, nerd.”

You gawped up at him, unable to help the way your mouth hung open. Was he threatening you? And if yes, why was he looking so unusually calm about it? Where was the rage, the snarling and the spitting like a wet cat? And why was he looking at you like that?

Bakugou answered none of your questions, tossing you a wicked smirk instead. Then he turned and slammed the door closed on you, leaving you alone with a swirl of hazy, half-formed concerns.

What....the fuck had just happened?

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia #bnha #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou

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drmedicsgamesurgery · 3 years

Text

Danganronpa Kirigiri Volume 2 Full Translation Part 1

Thanks to DJ Shocker, Shenmen, Chilly, LiarieCC, and Blackflirtlarping. This is a fully fixed up and complete translation with no missing bits.

Danganronpa Kirigiri Volume 2: The Norman Hotel Detective Auction

Chapter 1: Daily Life

Couples dressed to the nines for Christmas Eve wined and dined in window booths, but due to the height of the building, no matter how much I craned my neck I couldn’t see them satisfactorily.

I must have gotten a little carried away, bouncing around the hall to eagerly check out the outside scenery from the windows of this high-rise building, as I felt someone tug on the sleeve of my coat; Kyoko Kirigiri. She gazed up at me, wordlessly, with cool eyes. I felt almost as if I was being scolded.

“Thank you for waiting! Please come this way.” Both Kirigiri and I followed a waiter into the interior of the hall. Suddenly, an enormous Christmas Tree came into view. A fir tree that must have been imported from abroad, decked out in dazzling star ornaments that were determined not to lose to the lights of the city in terms of brightness.

We found ourselves being led to a wide individual room.

An antique candle holder stood in the center of a table draped in a white cloth, the candles fully aglow.

Napkins and cutlery for three people were already laid out on the table. And the furthest wall was transparent, giving us a scenic view of the city nightscape.

“Woww! This is amazing!” I dashed over to the glass wall without thinking, and gazed out at the city lights twinkling under the night sky.

“Kirigiri, come here!” I called out to Kirigiri, who stood behind me. She seemed to be hesitating. She looked at me with a slightly concerned expression on her face, then approached the giant window. She looked over the city nightscape with pink tinged cheeks, seemingly unable to tear her eyes away from the lights of the city.

“Isn’t it pretty?”

Kirigiri nodded.

“Won’t you tell me how you really feel, out loud?”

“…It’s pretty.”

At this point, Suisei Nanamura entered our private room.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, ladies. I see you’re enjoying my Christmas present to you.”

By ‘present’ did he mean this view?

I suddenly felt a little embarrassed at taking the bait so quickly and backed away from the glass wall, flustered.

Suisei pulled out a chair with a gesture that made it seem like this was something he was well accustomed to. I lowered my head to him in a quick bow and took a seat. I really wasn’t used to how to act in a place as fancy as this.

On the other hand, Kirigiri seemed used to it. She lowered herself onto the chair, almost princess-like, and gave Suisei a casual nod as her thanks.

Kirigiri continued to surprise me, but I think she was essentially a refined and well-mannered kid. When it came to being a detective and solving cases she became cool-headed and almost difficult to approach, but I wondered if that had something to do with being raised in a family of detectives.

Suisei placed the Santa hat he’d been wearing on Kirigiri’s head and sat down opposite her. He didn’t offer any explanation as to why he’d given her the Santa hat, and Kirigiri herself didn’t react.

Well, she looked cute like that so I had no complaints…

“Well, I am a happy man! Having the honor of spending Christmas Eve with such beautiful young ladies…”

After sitting down, Suisei propped both elbows onto the table and rested his chin on top of his hands, suddenly observing us intensely.

I was bewildered by the suggestive look in his eyes.

“W-what ?”

I suddenly found myself feeling very shy.

Suisei had a face as handsome as an actor - he was an attractive man. I had absolutely no objections to joining him for Christmas dinner-

‘“2,000, 9,800, 23,000.” Suisei suddenly rattled off a series of mysterious digits.

“Huh?”

“The price of your glasses, the price of your coat, and the price of your boots.”

“W-what…? How did you…?”

He knew?

The numbers were more or less correct.

“There are many ways to observe other people, and one of the most effective ways is to judge them by the value of what they’re wearing. Through knowing the value of their material possessions - in other words, their quality - is not a method to be overlooked.”

“I - I see."

“Yui Samidare-kun - for example, in your case you’re confident about your legs, so your most valuable possession is your boots. However, from the way your boots are worn down, they don’t seem to be specifically designed for sports. And you’ve chosen to walk down the path of becoming a detective. Aiming to become a detective at such a young age is probably due to something that happened in your past-”

“O-okay, I got it.”

I put both hands up in front of me, as if to evade Suisei’s words. I don’t think I wanted to hear anything else he had to say.

Suisei’s lips curled into a grin and he spread out his arms while gesturing at the clear glass wall.

“7,445,000 yen. The price of everything you can see from here. Along with the price of electricity for every building. The true essence of everything is so beautiful.”

Suisei gave me a smug wink.

Detectives were really hard to understand.

Suisei Nanamura was a Double Zero Class detective. According to the DSC (Detective Shelf Collection) at the Detective Library, his number was 900. The number nine indicated that he dealt primarily with murder investigations, and his double zero was proof of his skills.

In the past there was a detective who, due to the successful handling of his cases, moved up as far as rank three, but that took over 20 years of his career. For Nanamura to hold a double zero at the young age of 37 was, quite simply, incredible. It was not an honor you earned with half-hearted skills.

“Well then, let’s continue talking about the job over dinner.”

Suisei snapped his fingers, and from behind him a waiter appeared to fill his glass with red wine. Two more waiters also appeared by his side as if they were servants attending to a prince.

Since Kirigiri and I were still underage, we were passed a soft drink menu. I chose orange juice, and Kirigiri ordered a coffee.

“Let’s toast to our first meeting - is what I’d like to say, but allow me to refrain. After all, in our world a toast doesn’t signify the start of something, but the end.”

Suisei took a sip of his red wine.

The waiters began to lay out plates in front of Suisei. Usually when it came to French cuisine, every dish was served one by one, but for some reason they continued to pile dish after dish in front of him.

“10 hours, 28 minutes and 49 seconds.” Suisei suddenly rattled off another series of digits.

“That is the time that’s passed since I opened the letter challenging me to this Duel Noir. The time limit from when you open such a letter to who is victorious being decided is 168 hours. For my own sake, I opened the letter at exactly 10 am today.”

Suisei said with a serious expression on his face. However, he hadn’t stopped eating. It occurred to me that most of the food had already disappeared from his plate.

When did he…?

One plate each was placed in front of Kirigiri and me. If we tried to match Suisei’s pace, the food would be devoured before we could even enjoy it.

“Mr Nanamura, how many Duel Noir challenges have you participated in up until now?”

“This would be the fifth time.”

“The f-fifth time?”

“I can only call it bad luck. Out of all the detectives I know, there’s some who’ve never even heard of Duel Noirs. In fact, it’s more likely a detective will hear of Duel Noirs.”

Naturally, Kirigiri and I knew what a Duel Noir was.

Just a little earlier, Kirigiri and I had been wrapped up in one. A Duel Noir was a game organized by an organization called The Victims Catharsis Committee. Both a detective and a criminal engage in a deadly duel. After receiving a letter of challenge from a criminal, the detective will attempt to solve a case in real time.

Unlike what their name suggested, The Victims Catharsis Committee wasn’t a charitable organization at all. Under the name of providing catharsis for victims of crime, the committee lured participants into their game. It seemed that when it came to recruiting ‘challengers’, they particularly aimed for those who were driven by a need for revenge. In other words, by using those who were willing to go as far as murder, the game unfolded.

The detectives, on the other hand, were chosen out of the names registered on the Detective Index at the Detective Library.

There were approximately 65,500 detectives registered on the list, and their names were public information. It was assumed that The Victims Catharsis Committee summoned detectives from this list according to the difficulty of each case. For this, a detective’s DSC number was used as reference.

“The further you move up in rank, the amount of detectives decreases. Statistically it becomes more likely for one to be challenged to a Duel Noir.” Nanamura placed his fork on top of his plate, wiped his mouth with a napkin, then suddenly threw them all behind his back. One of the waiters caught the plate while barely moving an inch. With the space he cleared from throwing away his plate, Nanamura placed his two fingers together on top of the table.

Suisei began to stare at Kirigiri and me as if he was observing us.

“I read your file about the case you solved, you two. It was a great case for your induction.”

The Sirius Observatory was our induction case? And yet even now every time I remembered that day I felt a dreadful despair.

“However, the next one doesn’t seem to be so. Looking at the letter of challenge, the culprit seems to not only understand the aim of Duel Noirs far too well, but they also plan to win. That’s a troublesome attitude. Seems almost as if they’re enjoying the game. It’s probably a treat for the spectators as well.”

“Spectators?”

“Oh? You didn’t know? Duel Noirs are broadcast in real time. The spectators watch over them during what’s called a Closed Circuit, whilst eating and drinking together. You could call it a live-viewing.”

Speaking of which, didn’t the mastermind between the previous case say something along those lines?

The Victims Catharsis Committee didn’t just want to play a game - they wanted to offer a show.

“This is all pretty hard to believe. Who on earth would watch a Duel Noir?”

"I can’t tell you exactly who watches them, however there’s no doubt they move in high-class circles. In order to participate in a Closed Circuit, it’s said that the price is equivalent to that of the school fees from a third world country.”

What an incomprehensible and compassionless comparison. We can compare this to the duel in the arenas of Rome. People paid a lot of money to see blood and people killing each other. They want drama. Of course, I don't think I'd like to see that myself, people being killed so brutally.

“By the way, why are you after the Victims Catharsis Committee?" asked Suisei.

"We can't leave such an organization in the wild! " I said with a cry from the heart.

"A great sense of justice, huh?" smiled Suisei. He then turned to Kirigiri. "What about you?"

Kirigiri hesitated for a moment, "There is no reason. Honestly, I haven’t received another invite to do so. "

“Um, a-ah, w-wait we should really be united on this!” I turned to retort at Kyoko. “Wait, are you telling me you aren’t willing to fight the Victim’s Catharsis Committee!?”

“No, I’m just interested in having my detective skills recognized.”

“...Seriously, you’re only interested in moving up the ranks? Are you really satisfied with that? After being manipulated, aren’t you the least bit offended?”

“...I do.” Now that actually surprised me. Still, she was answering me in that usual expression of hers. She wasn’t quite good at showing off her feelings, or rather she has an incredible poker face.

"It's not right to hide your emotions behind a stone face, you know? So just try to deal with this organization with me! Isn't this a detective's job? That we aren’t just limited to dealing with immediate threats!?" I questioned.

"If Yui-oneesama wants me to help her, then I will."

"You're so childish!"

I chewed my lower lip to control my frustration.

"Don't you have your own opinion? Are you just a doll that we can control as we please?"

Kirigiri simply looked at me with cold eyes. Was she actually angry?

"A detective operating without a client is just fulfilling mere self-satisfaction." Kirigiri said before looking away.

"Maybe, but at least I’m making an effort to find out the truth." I suddenly got up. Weirdly, it reminded me of my childhood, and especially of my sister.

“Find the truth? What a childish response.”

“Says the actual child!”

After my sudden outburst, a sound echoed in the room. I looked at the source of the sound; Suisei was holding a mini trumpet. My ears began to ring.

“Alright, no fighting. Honestly, you’re like children. No wait, not even that, but rookies” Even so, from my point of view, he was much worse. He then threw the trumpet with a bitter laugh and a waiter caught it without problem.

"A detective is nothing without an ideology, especially not trustworthy. They’re also nothing if they’re too self-serving. I guess you two have at least one half of what it means to be a proper detective." said Suisei before shrugging.

Kirigiri and I looked at each other for a moment.

"Sorry I got carried away." I said as I sat back down, my face flushed from embarrassment. Kirigiri remained silent with her face being stoic.

"Well, let's go back to our history lesson," Suisei said, “Since my investigation into the Victims Catharsis Committee began, the amount of missing detectives had reached the double digits.”

“D-double digits?”

“Get what I’m saying? It means that the situation is getting increasingly difficult to back out from.”

“Is that what you got from this investigation into such a dangerous organization? If so, then that just means we need to hurry up and eliminate them!”

“Really brave of you, Yui Samidare. The detectives that disappeared would have said the same thing. These detectives were Double Zeroes, yet even they couldn’t shake this organization. It’s proof that this situation can’t be solved so easily. Say, did you know the Victims Catharsis Committee is registered as a non-profit organization? Complete with an office building, people can freely enter and exit.”

“Really? But then… what’s the matter?”

“The matter is that the only information that can be gathered is what they have open to the public. They spread detectives thin with so much useless information, while the real information is carefully concealed. If you want to hide leaves, put them in the forest. That good example is written in ‘Father Brown’. It’s a famous detective novel by G.K. Chesterton.”

“Then...what purpose does this group have? Is it to really treat the vengeance of others as some sort of program to watch?”

"From what I know, those who traced this organization before they disappeared seem to know there was a real purpose to that.”

“There’s a purpose?"

"The detective who told me about it is still missing, so maybe he knew the real purpose of the Victims Catharsis Committee, or..."

"Well, it definitely wasn’t for ‘Catharsis’."

"What is it from you, Yui? You refer to the Victims Catharsis Committee as evil."

"Isn't that natural? They kill innocent people."

"But both parties are often criminals, aren't they? You should know that if you've ever participated in a Duel Noir." Suisei challenged me. "They're trying to get revenge on someone who's made them suffer in the past, often from a crime."

In the past Duel Noir, the culprit of it, was trying to get revenge for his family that was murdered. He wanted to avenge them.

"Life has also taken away the criminal’s common sense." Kirigiri challenged as well. "They have decided to take revenge on the people who stole from them."

"In this world, there are people who live their normal lives without being judged for the mistakes they have made, while others live a miserable life in the depths of society. Life is simply unfair. Don't you think their behavior is normal?" asked Suisei.

"I can understand that feeling... but it's still unacceptable to turn to violence." I spoke back in retort.

“In the end, what you’re saying is only the opinion of one detective. There is only a thin line that separates justice from evil. For many people, the Duel Noir is a relief or a holy war. Some people think that challengers are rewarded only because of a necessary evil that can change the world.."

The Victims Catharsis Committee was a necessary evil?

Is that really the case?

"Even if there was another reason... when you're determined to kill people, and you

choose this path, I think you should be punished, no matter what the context is."

"You really are someone with a strong sense of justice." Suisei laughed softly. "But if the iron is twisted, it's very difficult to go back once it's done. A child like you can turn out to be the biggest threat."

"A threat..." Didn’t expect him to call me that.

“Don’t get too personally involved if you ever want to be married to an adult.” he said

"Don't let your feelings get in the way of your judgment, Yui-oneesama." warned Kirigiri. Well, I couldn't think of anything else to answer.

For a professional detective or for Kirigiri, hiding their emotions and not bringing their personal ideas into the business is very easy. I also think it is necessary. However, there's no reason to leave the Victims Catharsis Committee alone like that.

"Whatever the circumstances, I don't think it's time to change my mind about an

organization like this," I stretched my neck slightly, "No matter the context or despair, a normal human being has to control themselves."

“So what they said about youth being both a wound and a sharp knife was correct!”

“Mr. Nanamura! Do you really think the culprits of these Duel Noirs are innocent victims?”

"Yep, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter to me." laughed Suisei as he answered without hesitation. "Innocent or not, as a detective, my true opponent is mystery. My existence is there to solve those that are right in front of me. Say, don’t you think it's more fun solving a mystery solo?"

“And so it turned into this…”

This was expected from a Double Zero. He really trusted his experience. "Do you really think I can forgive criminals? I'm not that naive," he said.

"I'm sorry I doubted you…”

“That’s quite alright!”

“Is there anything else we should know about the Victims Catharsis Committee?"

"I don't know anything else, but I heard another story from a single detective who had been the victim of a Duel Noir."

"Just one?"

"We call him the President, a man... I mean, they could be a woman, who is the brains of it all. Their identity is surrounded by a veil of mystery. One day they founded the Victims Catharsis Committee, a little less than 10 years ago."

"So they are the boss of the organization?"

If we could reveal the identity of the president, we would be able to charge the Victims Catharsis Committee as a criminal organization. The shadow that organization had casted was beginning to mold itself into a human figure.

"Who could be the president? Could he have been an ex-detective?" Kirigiri said abruptly.

Suisei raised an eyebrow, placing his elbow on the table to support his chin. "Why do you think that?"

"Duel Noir targets must organize an unsolvable crime and become guilty of a false incident. In fact, it means that the organization is able to cover up the real culprit in a case and keep it for a future game. Only a top-notch detective could do that." I spoke, and was rather surprised from what came out of my mouth. Wow, guess I was getting up there in being high level as well...

"That's right, you're absolutely correct." Kyoko nodded.

"However, if it is a high class detective who could find the real criminal very easily, he can survive their little adventure. As long as the rank is high enough, for example..." said Kirigiri, "The triple zero rank of the detective library counted four people in the past, but one of them disappeared from the records, perhaps they are the President we are after."

"This may be a consideration to be taken into account in order to identify the president of the organization." Applauded Suisei. "I'll skip the explanations, because to us, time is money. Kyoko Kirigiri, you seem to be able to follow me easily. "

"So, which detective was struck off the books?" Kirigiri asked.

"Unfortunately, I don't know." Replied Suisei, extending his arms. "When I registered in the detective library, there was nothing that could designate his identity, like most triple zeroes. All we know is that he's human. He was probably one of the first detectives in the library. If anyone knows anything, it must be a detective who handles gender cases. As far as I know, one of the founders was in this field."

Speaking of the founders, I heard that Kirigiri's grandfather is one of them. It doesn't look like he's registered, but... anyways, I might be thinking too much.

I was watching Kirigiri's reactions from the corner of my eye, but she didn't seem disturbed.

"If you're able to speculate that far, why can't anyone find him?"

Suisei took a knife & fork and raised his arms up. "It's because everything is speculation. If one of the old triple zeros turned out to be the president, it would be a shock."

"Why?" I asked

"There is a difference between time, money or talent. That's the difference between us and the Triple Zeros. If they turn out to be criminals, it will have a big impact on the rest of us and our reputations. It's not a joke- it's a fact - and it's not an easily by-passable problem. It's an undeniable defeat." Suisei said.

For me to be a Double Zero was already above the clouds, so if someone with a lot of pride like Suisei said that... then maybe I should at least admit that I wanted to fight much harder than I already was.

"There's only one way to get closer to the Victims Catharsis Committee," said Suisei. "It's to capture the challenger, the murderer. They are in direct contact and receive private information. But then again you'll need to know the identity of the murderer. However, if we can do it, it would be a big step. Do you understand?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed. "I wouldn't let a criminal win."

"That's a powerful mantra." Suisei got up from his chair and looked at his watch.

"What? Are you planning to leave?"

"We are eating, but time is running out, and time is money." Said Suisei, waving to the waiter. "Even if there wasn't a confirmation, it's still a Duel Noir. Are you sure you want to come?"

"Yes." I said without hesitation. Kyoko saw my face and also nodded.

“Then let’s discuss this Duel Noir, shall we?”

The culprit of the Duel Noir can get funds from the organization in order to purchase Techniques. These Techniques range from tactics to weapons and once their ‘deck’ is assembled what they chose will be on display in the letter to the detective.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Message for the Detective

Heed the Cry of the Noir

Location — Norman Hotel — 80,000,000 yen

Weapon — Knife — 5,000,000 yen

Weapon — Revolver — 15,000,000 yen

Weapon — Hammer — 3,000,000 yen

Weapon — Rope — 3,000,000 yen

Weapon — Automobile — 10,000,000 yen

Trick — Locked Room — 100,000,000 yen

Trick — Disappearing Act — 100,000,000 yen

Other — Cash — 1,000,000,000 yen

Total cost — 1,316,000,000 yen

According to the above cost, the following detective is summoned — Suisei Nanamura.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems he's the detective to ask.

I felt a little overwhelmed when my eyes met Kirigiri's. This time, the person had accumulated several weapons and tricks. He could buy this from the organization, the price being marked on the letter.

The higher the price and difficulty, the higher the rank of the detective. "I'll tell you the most important things first," said Suisei, taking the bag a waiter had handed to him. He put the letter back inside and closed it.

"In a Duel Noir, there is a rule that says the criminal cannot kill the detective in charge of investigating. It's because there's no game when the detective's not there. The detective is always asked for through a letter. If you're not the detective, you're just a secondary companion. So it could be that the culprit is one of the victims, even if they're dead. You could die." His voice suddenly resounded. "Me and the others, if you think about it, are jumping into the criminal’s trap. It may indeed be that if we apply ourselves to all this, you won't get out of it unscathed and wind up a victim."

“A...victim?” Those unexpected words made my voice change.

We would need to think about this carefully….

If we get in the way of the culprit, we could die.

“Are you scared?” said Suisei

"I... think I'll be fine." I lied to myself.

In contrast, Kyoko looked quite calm and gave a nod of her head.

"For the criminal to win, they must kill their enemy to get revenge on them, and last 168 hours without being discovered by the detective. If you win the "Duel Noir." You win the amount of money spent on the game. For a criminal wanting to start a new life, that's a good motivation." He said.

“That...sounds like such a desperate situation to wind up in.”

"Exactly. They can put everything aside, including their past, and have a normal life if they wish. On the other hand, if the detective manages to find out who the culprit is, they will have to refund the money they spent on the game. If they cannot pay with money, they will have to pay with their life. In tune, I will do the same and fight with my life.”

In short, it is a game of life and death for our enemy. To stay alive, they're going to do everything they can to not get caught. But I'm not going to be beaten. I became a detective to answer the call for help. If you want to bring justice as a detective, you have to put your life aside. That's the purpose of a detective. As such, I have no qualms about risking it all and even giving up my own life for it all. In contrast, Kyoko was a detective by nature with no sense of purpose outside of the profession. She was involved in this career since she was so young, and is now about to become a detective machine, utterly incapable of feeling death.

But, no matter how much detective work was installed in her, she was still a junior high school girl still starting out.

"The Duel Noir does not always take place in closed areas. However, as this limits the movement of detectives and drives the police back, these locations are often chosen. The Norman Hotel, which was chosen for this game, is an old abandoned hotel in the mountains. It will be very far from the city. We cannot afford to neglect the preparations. We’ll probably be there for at least 100 hours."

Suisei looked at his watch once again, and raised his hand to say goodbye.

"I have to go." Suisei began to leave, when he suddenly turned around, remembering something. "Oh, and let's confirm the schedules before that. I'll leave for the Norman Hotel the day after tomorrow, because there's something I absolutely have to do tomorrow. I will leave around 7am, and with the transport, I'll probably arrive around 10am. Is that okay for you? It's only one day, but..."

"Isn't there a time limit?"

"With my speed, we shouldn't be late. There's no problem."

“Oh...okay?”

"Let's pray for our victory!"

Suisei then headed for the exit of the private room, before diverting to the windows. He opened one of them. A strong wind rushed into the room. Suisei moved his legs to the other side of the window. "Good luck!" He gave us a thumbs up and jumped out of the window.

"Mr. Nanamura!" I quickly got up from my chair and rushed to the window that was still open. I then saw him slowly descend towards the illuminated city, a parachute deployed. The big sky-blue parachute added something to the beauty of the city. Were the high-ranking detectives all like this? I froze for a moment, watching the man slowly descend. The sound of cutlery made me return to my senses. A waiter came to close the window, blocking the wind.

"Well, let's continue this meal, even if we’re worried. D-day is only the day after tomorrow.”

"Yui-oneesama." said Kirigiri. "This could be our last Christmas."

"Don't say such a thing! Of course we won't be killed so easily! We'll have more Christmases after this!"

And I'll protect you. I couldn't get those words out of my throat. I could only superimpose

Kirigiri's possible death based on my little sister's... Because of that, I didn't even want to think about it. I didn't really trust Suisei. Moreover, if I let myself be trapped in my little sister's illusion, it could be annoying for the investigation. I forced myself to drop a "I'll do my best for the Duel Noir."

"I guess I don't have a choice if I want to improve my rank."

It's still my little sister's voice....

"Hey, Yui-oneesama." Kirigiri was young, but her voice sounded very adult. "We must survive the Duel Noir, no matter what happens there."

A waiter approached me, and gave me something that looked like a fine notebook. When I opened it, I discovered the dinner bill. 62248 yen.

“So Mr. Suisei Nanamura didn't pay?”

The waiter tilted his head and smiled to remind me of his presence. I checked my wallet but I only have two 2,000 yen bills on me.

“What’ll we do?” I whispered to Kirigiri: “That damn detective! His spectacular exits and entries show he has money, but likes to keep it!"

"Keep calm, Yui-oneesama." Kirigiri replied gently. She then took a card out of her wallet. "Can I pay at once?"

"Certainly." After settling everything, the waiter bowed and then left us alone.

"Kirigiri... you’re so cool..."

Once dinner was over, we left the building. Even if we moved as far away as possible, it was impossible not to see it. Lights that were almost blinding our eyes were emanating powerfully from across the city. I felt like I was in a paradise under the ocean, walking with Kirigiri. The Christmas lights were comforting, and a row of Christmas trees illuminated the faces of passers-by.

"Well, now that we're here... I can walk you home..." I said. Kirigiri remained silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of the night. She then turned around and started to walk away on her own.

"No need, it's too late anyways. I'll send you a message."

"But, alone at this hour..."

Kirigiri leaned her head and said to me over her shoulder: "Maybe if it was a foreign country, but there is nothing threatening on the roads of this country."

"But, if a man is attracted to young girls like you... he could do... that!"

I tried to attack her from behind, to grab her neck, but the next thing I knew, she was

gone. She then appeared behind me and put my arms behind my back.

“Ow, this hurts…”

"See? I can defend myself." She released my arm. “You need to be careful, Yui-oneesama. If you tried you could probably beat an older man with a high kick from those legs of yours.

"Be careful though, because if a man really wanted to attack you, you probably won't be up to it."

"Of course I will."

"Did you take a self-defense course?...And if possible can you teach me that trick too?"

"I'm going now." Kirigiri said as she looked at the street clock.

"Let's just go back together anyways, I want to talk a little more with you. It's quite boring, being alone."

Kirigiri frowned, creating a wrinkle on her forehead. She kept walking without looking at me. I ran up to her.

"We can keep talking about..."

"What, teaching you self-defense?"

"No, about the president of the Victims Catharsis Committee..."

"What's the matter?"

"He's a former detective, and one of the founders of the Detective Library... couldn't it be your grandfather?"

"It's very dramatic, but no, it's not him."

"How can you know that?" I asked.

"My grandfather was never registered in the library. He told me that before. He never became a triple zero, and it's not registered, so it couldn't be deleted."

But did her grandfather tell the truth?

"Are you sure he's not lying to you? A grandfather would never tell his granddaughter that he is the president of such an organization..."

"My grandfather is very proud to be a Kirigiri, more than anyone else in my family... He would never settle for being put in boxes like the library ranks. He was against the whole DSC classification system in the first place."

"Just pride?" I opposed. I've never heard of this family. She came from a detective

family, there was no doubt about it. She has these abilities at only 13 years old. Maybe she really comes from a big detective family and that blood flows through her veins, but I haven't seen any other detective react to the name 'Kirigiri'. Even Suisei, who was a double zero.

"I know what you're thinking. The Kirigiri family are good detectives, but we don't want to

be known. We live in the shadows. So the ordinary detectives don't know us. That's why my grandfather didn't register in the library, to protect the Kirigiri pride. We almost never talk about ourselves."

"It's an incredible story... but why did Kyoko-chan register in the library? Isn't that

against your family's principles? At least, according to your grandfather.”

"First, my grandfather technically lives abroad. So he doesn't fight crime from here. It is

impossible for him to be the president of a small organization located only in Japan."

"It's true that he's on another level... Sorry for doubting your grandfather, Kirigiri. Even

adults fight crimes like this anonymously, ignoring the opinion of the public and the government, but maybe he knows the president of the Victims Catharsis Committee? I mean, he was the 'president' of the library."

"I wonder about that, but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Maybe if you say your name, an official will recognize him. It's probably easier to sneak in discreetly."

"It doesn't matter. It'll always be the same thing; what do I do after that? How can I sue the president of such a non-profit organization?" Kirigiri looked troubled, and she moved her fingers closer to her face, as if to warm them with her breath.

"Whatever! Everything ends up being discovered! Like how Al Capone ended up being nabbed for tax fraud. There’s probably something that can be put on him. As long as we can stop the Duel Noir"

“Such an extreme line of justice, that’s no different than succumbing to evil.”

“Erk…”

"Yes, but being around all the time thinking about conspiracy theories will do worse than

better. For now, we should put the president's case aside. Let's try to clean up what's in front of us." I was really getting told by a girl who was younger than me.

That's right. We have already made good progress. Suisei Nanamura's Duel Noir had already started for 12 hours. We must remain calm. We'll think about how everything will go after we arrest the Duel Noir criminal... If we manage to get out of the hotel alive.

We continued to walk, our minds clouded with questions. Kirigiri suddenly stopped.

"What? What's the matter?"

"We have arrived." I looked up to see a huge traditional house, with a huge door. I had

trouble closing my mouth. The streetlights continued along the hill, and the white barriers extended far and wide

“Were there any houses like that left?” In this case, it was the largest traditional house I had ever seen. I watched Kirigiri, my eyes full of jealousy. Yes, she was definitely a lady.

"My curfew has already passed." Kirigiri said. "Fortunately you're not a man, because even for a detective, he would have been angry." Kirigiri seemed a little uncomfortable.

"If you had a curfew, you should have told me. We would have left sooner." I said.

"It's because I was talking to you that I'm late," Kirigiri replied, with cold eyes.

"Yes, it's because I've talked too much. I'm sorry, but I had to be absolutely sure what we discussed."

"If you say so."

“I’ll explain the situation, if that works?”

“That would help me quite a deal.” she said with a slightly softer tone than before. I felt rather pleased from it all.

Kirigiri walked to the large gate before stopping. The gate was made of wood, and I could only imagine the splinters that would be caught by touching it. It was still quite warm, but there were no signs, just an intercom.

"Aren't you coming home?”

“Only outsiders go through the front door. Family access is through the back.” She said as she walked along the wall.

“How… formal.”

The massive trees planted on the other side did not allow me to see behind the gate. It was difficult to see the majestic residence, but it was impossible to see a human presence. For someone who didn't know the place, the residence was a total mystery.

"Do you live with your grandfather or alone?

"It depends, but there are three maids. One person is always there."

“Servants, are you serious?”

Since the school we went to was full of young girls, it was not difficult to hear that some families hired maid servants so that they would not leave their daughter alone. One of these families was Kyoko's. She had neither her father nor her mother. I didn't have the details, so I didn't understand the situation well, but I easily understood that I shouldn't ask more questions.

"By the way, didn't you live abroad for a while?"

"Yes, with my grandfather. I stayed there for 5 years. Then I had to come back to this school, as I was already enrolled here," Kirigiri said. "It had to happen at some point. There's a small portal that allows easy access."

"My life is very different from yours."

"Really?" Kirigiri stoically replied.

We walked along the fence for a while, until Kirigiri pointed to a specific place. There was a small gate to make it easier to get in. She took the key out of her pocket, inserted it and turned the key. The gate opened easily.

“Eh? You had the key for this place on-hand?”

“The problem isn’t about me having the key. The problem is what to do afterwards.”

“Is sneaking to your room not on the table?”

“He’ll definitely catch me.”

"So what should I do?" I asked.

"Wait here, I'll call Grandpa."

"Okay, I'll wait."

"I'll be back soon."

"Oh, wait a minute!"

"What?"

"Wouldn't it be better if you took that hat off your head," I replied, pointing at the Santa's hat that was on her head. She pushed it slightly. I watched it fall at my feet. Kyoko looked rather surprised.

"What is it?"

"Didn't you notice?!" I picked up the hat and encouraged Kirigiri. "Hey, you better go."

"Oh, yeah." Kirigiri walked towards the door of the house. Once Kirigiri was out of sight, I put my hands in my pockets and leaned against the fence. It's unusual for Kirigiri to panic. Maybe her grandfather was that strict? Or maybe she really loves her grandfather. That must have been it. For her, who didn't have parents, it must have been difficult. I looked up to the sky, looking at the streetlights.

Suddenly, little white glitter began to fall from the sky. A white Christmas? On Christmas Eve I am often alone, wondering what I will do next year, and my anxiety overwhelms me. This year, I met a girl named Kirigiri Kyoko, whose presence really helped me. I no longer have this feeling of loneliness and emptiness. We're both detectives too. Will she be here again next year? I was imagining our future: two detectives always together. I didn't want a dark future, but wasn't that the fate of a detective?

"Yui-oneesama." I heard a voice. I saw that the large gate was open. I turned around to see Kirigiri, looking at me with concern.

"Where's your grandfather?" I walked away from the white barriers by redoing the button on my coat. I approached Kirigiri looking behind her, but there was no one there.

"You're the man who wants to seduce my Kyoko!”

The voice came from above my head. An old man wearing a kimono was on the wall. I only noticed it now? I stepped back before being pulled forward again, put on the ground. A short time before, I was quietly contemplating the sky. It was disturbing to see an old man jump off a wall that high. The old man's cane kept me on the ground. Was he really that strong?! He lifted it up to try and hit my head.

"Wait, it's not her! She's a woman!"

"What?" He pulled his cane away, lifted me up, and grabbed my chest. "What are you doing!" I shouted, clearing the man's hand. I jumped away.

"It's Yui-oneesama, the detective who goes to the same school as me."

"Oh, is that true?" he said, scratching his white hair. "Sorry, I heard Kyoko was going to eat with a boy, excuse me for the misunderstanding!"

Despite his white hair, he looked pretty young. His hair was shiny, his wrinkles discreet, he stood up straight and his eyes were shiny with life. He had a cane in his right hand, but his legs didn't seem weak. Maybe it was some kind of weapon for him.

"I'm glad to know that Kyoko has made a friend. Was it you who called?" he said with a smile. He looked like another person with that soft smile on his face. “You’re taking care of my granddaughter. I’m so embarrassed. She was always alone, and didn’t seem to be used to life here. I was getting worried. If she has a good partner like you, then I can relax. Right, Kyoko?” “Yes.”

"I'm sorry for delaying Kyoko and making her miss her curfew. She didn't seem familiar with life here, and I wanted to make sure she didn't get hurt."

Kirigiri was half hidden behind her grandfather's back. She seemed more comfortable than usual.

"We both talked about the incident, and it took a long time... I didn't know there was a curfew. Please, don’t punish her!"

“Heh, I always wondered who Kyoko would bring back to me. Anyways, don’t worry, there’s an exception to every rule. If it involves a detective case, I'm willing to forgive her. For the Kirigiri family, detective business is very important and comes first. Even death does not deviate from its purpose."

“O-oh, so…”

“If it was detective related, then that curfew crap can wait!” he said with a merry laugh.

Was that what Kirigiri's grandfather taught? It sure explained a lot...still, glad he wasn’t unreasonable. Honestly, when he knocked me down and groped my chest, I was expecting the worst. Still, from what I’m seeing, he’s a pretty agreeable guy. Though, perhaps, that could be just his love for Kyoko, spoiling her?

“Heh, thought I was a grouchy old man? It’s all over your face!”

“Erm, s-so sorry!”

“Like I said, when it comes to being a Kirigiri, being a detective goes past one’s family, even death itself. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, Grandpa.”

"That’s my girl! If it is for a case and to see Kyoko become a first rate detective, than I suppose it's worth keeping the gate unlocked at night,”

"Really?" Kyoko asked in wonder.

"Of course, as long as you’re focused on your duty!”

"I'll do my best to be a good detective," Kirigiri replied, her eyes shining.

"Good girl." said the grandfather as he stroked Kirigiri's head. She and her grandfather seemed quite happy.

I felt a little uncomfortable in front of the stage, but I couldn't help but think it was cute.

"Uh, tomorrow we'll have to solve a Duel Noir case, so Kyoko will be spending the night somewhere else. O-Of course, I’ll also be there with her! Is that alright?”

"Of course!"

Well, it was easy... but sending his little girl without hesitation into such a case... He

didn't seem to be afraid of the death of his loved ones. Did he know a lot about the Duel Noirs? He must have heard about the Victims Catharsis Committee, thanks to Kyoko. He at least knows a little. Maybe he even knew more than we did. Such a great detective, who is also the founder of the Detective Library, necessarily knows more. I hesitated for a long time, not knowing if I should ask him or not. The man spoke again.

"Well, it's about time we head inside. You should go home too, Yui. It's cold tonight and you need to prepare to investigate. Shall I call a cab for you?"

“Oh, no, I’m fine.”

"It was a pleasure to meet you. Kyoko, you can see her off."

I slowly lowered my head, always thinking.

"May I ask you for another cho-..."

There was no old man left in front of me. I was looking around, but nothing... nowhere. He had disappeared. Completely missing.

"Yui-oneesama, maybe you should go home..." said Kirigiri, near the gate.

I hadn't noticed it, but I was tired. The tension and my heavy breath disappeared, and I could feel the fatigue falling on my shoulders.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, Yui-oneesama."

"It's okay, I'd let an old man touch my chest if it's for you." I said, removing the dust from my coat. "But I didn't know your grandfather was so... focused on your education. Still, it's great he’s not so uptight. "

"Hey, Yui-oneesama?"

"Yes?"

“It’s weird to choose detective work over family, yes?”

“W-w-well, I w-wouldn’t call it strange, just… well, it does seem to involve a lack of caring about people’s feelings in the matter.“ I said after a good degree of thought.

“People’s feelings?”

“Are you asking because you have doubts over your detective work?”

"No, that’s not it. Anyway, what Grandpa said earlier, that detective work was more important than the death of a family member… don't you think it's strict?"

"Well, I find it stranger than strict, but I guess that's your family's opinion of detectives..."

"No, it's different. For my family, work is really more important than the death of a family member. It's not a suggestion, it's an obligation. A dogma."

"Okay... I think it might be beautiful? It means you're very proud to be a detective, right?"

"Don't you think it's abnormal?" Kirigiri continued.

She had so much pride in her work as a detective that I could hardly see her doubting that. She was raised into it during her childhood, which made the thought of her doubts even harder to fathom. Still....

"What do you think?" I asked her.

"I don't think it's abnormal. I think… I think it's a good mentality," said Kirigiri. I thought for a moment to say that she didn't have to continue, but she opened her mouth before me. "But I feel like I force myself to think like that. Like, I live like a real detective, because I don't want to feel empty."

For her, her life was all about detective work, but even still...

"As long as I'm here, you won't be alone or empty." I hugged her.

"I want it to stay that way," Kirigiri said, looking at me.

"Of course! You're the coolest, most pure detective I know! Let's do our best together! Tomorrow and for as long as possible."

"Ah? ...Well, goodbye." Separating myself from Kirigiri, who walked back with a shyish look on her face, I laid my hand on the gate. I gave her one last look before running to the dormitories, the snow accompanying me. My curfew passed a long time ago! The dormitories were guarded, so I discreetly passed through a window.

Heh, violating the rules on Christmas night.

It felt quite nice!~

Chapter 1: End

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#Danganronpa #Kirigiri #Danganronpa Kirigiri #Volume 2 #v2 #2 #part 1 #Translation #full #full translation

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heartslobbf · 4 years

Text

let’s talk about perfuma. imo, she’s one of the best characters in the show despite being underdeveloped, and i wanna explain why. she could’ve been extremely average, just some lanky flower girl that doesn’t believe in violence and loves everyone, but she is so much more than that (and it pisses me off that y’all reduce her to that).

in her introductory episode, perfuma is clearly in denial about the horde almost destroying plumeria. she doesn’t want to acknowledge the problem, wants someone else to take care of it for her. she’s scared of change, and that is because change makes you vulnerable. if things always stay the same, there’s a whole lot less danger and uncertainty, and therefore you’re safe. secure. perfuma’s kingdom is dying and she can’t bear to accept it because it is unknown to her. it’s putting her in a position where she is no longer secure. this fear of vulnerability can also be seen at the beginning of 1x10 when the princess alliance falls apart and she literally says ‘being together makes us vulnerable.’

the thing is, perfuma isn’t wrong. look at her choice of words. she says that being together makes them vulnerable, not weak. here, she kind of has the words mixed up, but we see that by s5 she has come to understand the difference. that’s what’s so great about perfuma, her motivation to do better, her hunger for self-improvement. it’s why she’s such an important part of catra’s redemption, actually, because she embodies the kind person catra is or wants to be.

let me explain: perfuma is an angry, impatient, short-tempered character. we are shown this again and again with her passive aggression to others and how easily mermista can annoy her with trivial things (sitting in her seat in the war room, for example). catra is also an angry, impatient character, but perfuma works every day to manage those emotions. she knows she needs them, she uses them as a tool (calling catra out, for example, is a time they were practically pivotal for getting her point across) but she also acknowledges they can hurt the people she loves. we know she does a meditation ritual each morning and we see in 4x02 how quickly she can unravel without it. she wants to be better. she puts the work in. that is such a valuable lesson for a character like catra who has always felt she’s just not good enough, she’s always going to be this angry and unlovable and no one can do anything about it.

so, 4x02. it’s a brilliant episode for perfuma’s character, really, and the first proper development we’ve had since 1x04. we see her anger, her impatience, but we also see her self-doubt. her belief that she’s inadequate, ‘just a flower girl.’ this is also when we get introduced to her little mantra that becomes a bit of a motif later on, ‘i can do this.’ we know perfuma doesn’t wholeheartedly believe this, but she says it anyway because she wants to. perfuma wants to be better. she will do whatever she can to be her best self, whether that be actually conquering her gripes with cacti or realising there’s a loophole with the roots (love that conflict resolution by the way, another good deconstruction of hero bs by spop).

this episode is also significant because it comes back to perfuma’s fear of change, of vulnerability. she’s thrown into a situation she doesn’t want to be in, one she feels miserably unprepared for, and she hasn’t done the one thing that puts her at her best beforehand, but she pulls through in the end because she is surrounded by people that support her, that listened to her and consoled her when she was vulnerable. 4x02 teaches perfuma the power of self-worth and the power of true, mutual, unconditional love, which can only come with vulnerability.

and this is where her character gets really interesting, in my humble opinion. ngl, one of the reasons i love perfuma so much is because she’s a pisces and i am too. i’m not gonna go astrology hoe on you rn, i’m just using this to demonstrate the part of her character that teaches others. pisces, if you don’t know, love to play therapist. we like to help the people around us with whatever strifes they may have because we think we’re fucking great at it. perfuma actually is.

you know how i said perfuma learns the importance of self-belief and vulnerability? yeah, she teaches both of those lessons to other characters in s5. like i said, perfuma is a character who values self-betterment and also happens to be a pisces, so when she sees scorpia, riddled with so much self-doubt and such low self-esteem, her immediate response is just i’m gonna teach that bitch how to love herself. and she does!

i’ve seen some people say they don’t like scorfuma because it seemed as though the writers just decided to ‘fix’ all of scorpia’s problems by giving her a girlfriend. that’s very dumb, first of all because they aren’t even together by the end of the show, they’re just interested in one another. second, the whole point of she-ra is that we’re stronger together. scorpia doesn’t go through growth in s5 because a girl likes her, she goes through growth because someone is showing her support and love for the first time in her life and that empowers her. you know, the worth that scorpia finds in herself doesn’t hinge on perfuma, like it did with catra. it’s about her as an individual, and perfuma so clearly makes it about that when her big lesson revolves around singing. scorpia loves singing. perfuma tells her she should do it because she enjoys it, a sentiment you’d never hear in the horde, and when scorpia does sing, she is actively rejecting the people who did make all her self-worth hinge on them catra. she’s doing something for herself, because she enjoys it, because it makes her happy, because she can.

it’s that same mantra: i can do this, i can do this. i really love how this was brought back from 4x02, how perfuma repurposed something that taught her such a valuable lesson for someone else. perfuma and scorpia are great foil characters actually, both constantly underestimated and thought of as weak by their groups, but some of the strongest characters in the show due to their deep value of love and self. i can do this, and i know i can because you believe in me, because i believe in myself. it’s brought back again in 5x10, when the last thing perfuma says before scorpia breaks the beam is ‘i know you can [pull through]’. she tells catra she believes in scorpia. it’s that belief, that support from other people that empowers the self to believe it too. we are stronger together, you know??

anyways, onto vulnerability. return to the fright zone is in my top ten episodes of the whole fucking show and you might think that’s a bit weird but i don’t. 5x10 encompasses so many important themes of spop so well and tells them with scorfuma and spinnetossa, our two side lesbian couples. this is significant since perfuma literally draws a parallel between her and catra at the end of the episode, and catradora and spinnetossa have always been significant to one another. i’m gonna say it, perfuma is the reason catra is finally able to confess to adora in 5x13. i’ve already talked about how important perfuma is to catra’s motivation to improve, but she literally makes catra rethink everything about strength and vulnerability, two words catra has a lot of feelings about.

catra fears vulnerability. we know this. she has such a deep love for those important to her but is never able to articulate it because she worries she’ll be taken advantage of, shot down, laughed at, whatever. all of this stems from the abuse she suffered at shadow weaver’s hands and her attachment issues, and it’s also why catra pretends to hate scorpia’s very open displays of affection and love: she sees it as weak because she has been taught to, but it’s all she ever really wanted to be.

we also know perfuma used to fear vulnerability. she doesn’t any more. the entirety of the episode leading up to her and catra’s heart-to-heart is her being vulnerable, putting herself in a position where she’s in danger but believing it’s worth it. and it is. despite what everyone said to her, perfuma is right: it was worth it. she got through to scorpia, even if it was only for a moment. she literally spells it out to us and catra with one of the best lines in the whole show: it’s hard, keeping your heart open. it makes you vulnerable, but it doesn’t make you weak, and i have to believe it’s worth it.

back in 1x10, perfuma was right: being together makes you vulnerable. horde prime tries to use people’s relationships against them, that’s literally the plot of save the cat, the point of pitting catra and adora against one another. he sees them as weak, just like shadow weaver deems adora’s feelings for catra ‘confusing’, just like light hope insisted adora was a danger to her friends as long as she was around them. they were all wrong. yes, they’re vulnerable. perfuma acknowledges that vulnerability puts you in danger, that it’s difficult to do that, but she knows it doesn’t make you weak. weakness vs strength is a big conflict in 5x10 literally introduced to us with netossa’s theories on everyone’s weaknesses in the first few minutes.

like perfuma says, friendship isn’t a weakness. it’s her greatest strength. her belief in love is literally what saves her and adora’s lives, it’s what saves everyone who got chipped, glimmer, bow. belief in love, both of others and yourself, is what saves adora in her dying moments. perfuma summarises she-ra’s entire fucking message to us repeatedly in 5x10 and she tells it to catra because catra is the one who will do the most with it. that glance at adora, it’s obvious what it means. perfuma is telling catra she should be open with adora about her feelings because you have to believe it’s worth it.

you won’t get anywhere waiting for other people to make the move. she-ra couldn’t heal plumeria’s lands, so plumeria had to fight their own battle alongside her no matter how much they felt unable to. the rebellion couldn’t move mara’s ship, so perfuma had to despite thinking she wasn’t strong enough. the reason they always win in the end is because they have each other, they have love and support and people motivating them to do better. just like perfuma motivates herself to do better.

it’s the mantra. i can do this. i can be vulnerable and still win, because i have love. and it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard to be vulnerable when you’ve feared it all your life and you’re so angry, so hurt, but you have to believe it’s worth it. and it is. it is, it is, it is, love is stronger than anything and being vulnerable for the people you love is the only way you can ever get what you want from them. perfuma as a character embodies that, having learnt it herself, and teaches the lesson to one of the characters who needs it the most.

adora is dying, and catra loves her, and she knows she does, and she just has to believe. adora is dying, and she loves catra, and she knows she does, but she doesn’t believe. not until catra teaches her too, in that moment, to realise they were all wrong, light hope, shadow weaver, horde prime. adora doesn’t need to let go, she needs to hold on and believe she will be pulled back up by the girl she loves. she needs to believe she deserves it. that it’s worth it.

and it is.

#ANYWAYS I FUCKING LOVE PERFUMA THANK U QUEEN FOR BEING THE BEST SIDE CHARACTER #sjdjeksmnf sorry this is long i tried to keep it short #I HAVE SO MUCB TO SAY ABT HER #shut up daisy #spop #perfuma #scorfuma #catra #scorpia #catradora #adora #spop meta

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hageny · 3 years

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Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman

AN: The first point in this post was requested by @thinkingfixatingobsessing, so credit goes to her for the idea.

WARNING: Mentions of child sexual abuse in point one.

1. What In Here is Real?

A lot of fans tie Roman’s ‘dog cage’ experience to his adult need for degradation, and certainly there is a valid reason. The murky circumstances surrounding the incident(s) in his childhood--Roman remembering being forced; Connor and Kendall remembering him liking it; Connor remembering what their father said about “two fighting dogs” in relation to the incident--make it difficult to say how much of what Roman remembers is real and how much is his emotions skewing his memories. What is totally overlooked is the scene above, which takes place in Austerlitz. The family has just arrived at Connor’s ranch for the not-so-optional family therapy session when Roman says something very interesting to Connor, telling him that he plans to tell Alon Parfit, the group’s therapist, that Connor molested him as a child. Given Roman’s ‘dog cage’ revelation only one episode later, it struck me as very interesting that Roman makes a joke about what is for many a deep, childhood trauma. Now, I should clarify, I don’t believe Connor in any way abused Roman, and it seems fairly obvious Roman was just doing this for shock value, but there is a point to be made here. It seems pertinent to ponder whether Roman’s ‘dog cage’ experience could tie into a deeper, darker truth in his childhood. Maybe it’s possible that Roman actually did go into the cage willingly, and to some degree submitted--as much as someone who is emotionally/mentally abused as a child can--to his siblings’ game. All of them being children themselves, they wouldn’t have had the insight and maturity to understand his behavior was abnormal. What we do know of Roman’s experience is that it caused him to start wetting the bed, and he was eventually sent away to St. Andrews; again, he thinks this occurred against his will, Connor says he went willingly. What is interesting his Roman’s description of the effects of the ‘dog cage’ incident closely aligns with what may happen to a child who is molested. As Roman puts it, “Kendall locked me in a cage, I went weird, I started wetting the bed, and that’s why dad sent me away to St. Andrews.” Now, I should be clear, I am not a mental health professional of any sort, so all of what I say here is gleaned through years of reading about crime stories and second-hand research, but re-watching this scene caused me to remember that when Jon Benet Ramsey was murdered, many wondered--and still do--whether it was possible she was molested as a child due to her still wetting the bed at the age of six. From what we can gather, Roman would have been probably around the same age, if not older, when the alleged ‘dog cage’ incident occurred; his mentions of ‘going weird’ could be his best way to articulate what could have been a mental breakdown suffered during his childhood. His parents, having no clue what to do with him, would have naturally sent him to a rigorous, regimented school that, they believed, could have righted his ‘abnormal’ behavior. There are many signs children can possibly exhibit as a result of sexual abuse, but a few of them struck me because they describe even Roman’s adult behavior:

Regressive behaviors or resuming behaviors they had grown out of, such as thumb-sucking or bedwetting

Overly compliant behavior

Decrease in confidence or self-image

Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggression

We notice Roman’s lack of confidence constantly over the course of the series. In Sad Sack Wasp Trap, we see him studying his body carefully in the mirror, obviously displeased with what he sees, and then quickly buttoning up his shirt when Grace enters. As an adult there’s no question that he is--around his father, especially--overly compliant, going along with what Logan says and most of the time unwilling to buck him. While Roman is certainly not aggressive in the sense of being a danger to others, we do notice that his temperament borders on the aggressive quite a lot of the time, and he has a sadistic side, taking pleasure in tormenting others for his own amusement. We also know that the infamous Lester McClintock--Mo-Lester--was a friend of Logan’s; while it’s not stated that he abused any children, if he was a family friend, there is a possibility he was around Roman as a child. Connor, in Safe Room, does tell Willa that Logan wouldn’t let his kids get in the pool with Lester, so the possibility of his being a pedophile is there. Maybe the abuser was someone else. Maybe Roman wasn’t abused at all and I’m way off base. But I bring the point up for discussion only because as I pondered it, I myself began to wonder.

2. Patrick Bateman

SPOILER ALERT: The ending to the movie, American Psycho. is discussed below.

In I Went to Market, Shiv makes a quip when Roman tells her he has a hobby, saying to him, “Killing hobos isn’t a hobby.” Anyone old enough to remember--or old enough to have watched American Psycho or read the book--will remember that Patrick Bateman, the novel’s famous protagonist, descends slowly into violence as his disgust for society deepens, and begins literally killing homeless people on the streets of New York City, using homicide as an outlet for his uncontrollable rage. For the sake of convenience, I will discuss the movie a bit here, as I read the book years ago and do not remember much. The end of the movie is open to interpretation, leaving the audience to decide whether Bateman did actually kill anyone and it was cleaned up for him because he was wealthy, or whether he simply fever-dreamed the experiences. It’s interesting that the show draws a tie to Patrick Bateman and Roman, but having considered Bateman’s behavior there are some similarities. Roman, like Bateman, has a total disregard for the lower class, no more openly displayed than in the pilot episode where he tears up the check in front of the little boy at his family’s baseball game. He also, as noted in the previous point, has a temper, sometimes flying quickly off the handle when things don’t go his way. He is tightly wound, constantly agitated by the world around him, and driven by impulse. Where Bateman’s impulses lead him to murder, Roman’s take a different path, leading him to push the envelope of appropriate behavior for shock value, or drop and pick up girlfriends like objects. While Roman certainly would never kill anyone in a literal sense, he is not afraid to destroy those beneath him without a second thought, obliterating Vaulter simply because he wants to, manipulating the staff into admitting they want to unionize--which might’ve saved them--and then handing his information over to his father so as to leverage himself and his desire to shut Vaulter down over Kendall’s desire to keep it open. The point is is that the show, by drawing a link between these two characters, could perhaps be suggesting to the audience that Roman’s behavior, like Bateman’s, requires an understanding of nuance. Bret Easton Ellis, who wrote the novel, grew up in an environment similar to Roman’s, coming from a wealthy family, deriving much of his literary material from what he witnessed as a child and an adult. It could perhaps best be said that both characters are a study in how environments shape people: what they bring out in them, and what they create that, for better or worse, can be left to bubble just below the surface.

3. Only Good?

This point will be fairly brief, but I did find it pertinent to comment on how many people in the fandom--maybe younger people who don’t understand the show’s nuances--seem content to constantly cast Gerri as an artless bystander to the cruises situation when this is simply not the case. It could be that some don’t recall, but in the above scene from Pre-Nuptial, Shiv demands that ATN lay off Gil Eavis by blackmailing Gerri, telling her that if she doesn’t get her way that she will blow the lid on the scandal that centers around Lester McClintock. What’s most important is the fact that when Shiv mentions the “cruise division horror show”, Gerri never asks for clarification regarding Shiv’s point. This, obviously, is because Gerri doesn’t need it. While I am not suggesting Gerri knew all along about the scandal, her lack of need for Shiv to clarify what she means by “the cover-up” is an indicator that Gerri not only knew what was going on before the audience did, but perhaps also had a hand in hiding what was happening. There could be many reasons she did so, but I felt compelled to make this point because so often people believe Gerri was caught off-guard by what was occurring at Brightstar, when in fact our introduction to her in the show was intended to serve as an indicator of her character. The phrase, “stone-cold killer bitch”, used flirtatiously by Roman, was not only intended to amuse, but also to give insight into her character. In order to survive and thrive in Waystar, Gerri would have had to have been anything but an artless child, and her reputation as a ‘stone-cold killer’ is apt, as it describes the sort of character a person generally has to take on in order to climb the ranks of the corporate world. Gerri’s panic as the cruises situation unfolds is not due to the nature of the incidences (nor is Shiv’s for that matter)--it is due to the panic she feels at having to take the fall for what occurred. What actually happened, the facts of it, don’t really bother her. That’s what makes a killer.

#gerri/roman #gerri x roman #gerri kellman #roman roy #succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #succession thoughts

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littleshebear · 3 years

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The Two Zavalas.

This will probably get rambly because I’m writing off the cuff but here goes. I have to say, as someone who was not a fan of the so-called unreleased lore book (Those We’ve Lost), I really, really like the Forbidden Memory lore entry. I just did not like the writing on most of the entries of Those We’ve Lost (the one about Ayane Takanome was the only one that really came alive for me). The one about Zavala and his wife just never stuck the landing with me for a number of reasons. I’m not against the idea of him having a mortal wife in his past, I actually really like the concept (I’ve written it myself) but I would prefer it if she had a character/personality outside of being a dead someone to give him angst (that’s a concern I also have with Forbidden Memory but hopefully they’ll develop her a bit more in future).

The main things I didn’t like in Those We’ve Lost were the characterisation and the thematic take-away. The characterisation was just too unsubtle for me. Zavala was portrayed as emotionally stunted, while Shaxx was a flawless mega-chad who shouted all the time (If you want good Shaxx characterisation, this is where it’s at). I don’t think this broad strokes characterisation did either of them justice. As for the take away, I genuinely feel it was massively out of character for Zavala to imply that he shut down emotionally and wouldn’t open up again because it hurt too much. That’s just not how I see Zavala and I have never seen him that way. This new, actual canon, lore entry makes me even more certain in my interpretation of him.

Zavala is not devoid of emotion, he merely seems that way at first glance because of something this lore entry draws attention to: There are two Zavalas. First, there’s his public-facing self, the Commander. The Commander is steadfast, serious, stolid, confident-sounding. But then there’s Just Zavala. Just Zavala, by contrast, is anxious, he worries, he’s a little shy and socially awkward. He’s a nerdy bookworm who dunts his head on the ground and sneezes when he’s trying to be reverential. I’ve said for a long time that Zavala is a difficult character to get a handle on because most of what we see of him is an act. The player/Young Wolf never sees Just Zavala, they only ever see the Commander persona and he’s a very different animal from Just Zavala.

The Commander is driven by duty, he’ll put his personal feelings aside for the sake of what has to be done, he has a harsh edge to him. Just Zavala loves crochet, goes out of his way to make friends with Eva, checks up on Amanda and takes her out for lunch, worries about Eris, allows himself to be emotional in front of Ikora, jokes with Hawthorne. The Commander has no time for anything softer than iron but Just Zavala? He’s soft.

So the take-away from Those we’ve Lost is that Zavala is unemotional because he’s so hampered by grief, just does not ring true to me. The Commander might always keep a tight leash on his emotions but Just Zavala cultivates personal relationships quite deliberately and some of his most important relationships are with mortals.

So why do I think the take away from Forbidden Memory is different from Those We’ve Lost? Because there’s an acceptance in Forbidden Memory, the mood of the prose isn’t that Zavala just can’t go on, he’s honouring her memory in a very specific way. He remembers and mourns but he accepts he can’t go back to those times, he has to let her go (a philosophy that’s perfectly in line with someone who loves poetry by a zen buddhist). Also, the “parlour trick” line hints at an affectionate playfulness within him that the player never gets to see. Also, his choosing to do the parlour trick at the memorial suggests that he can focus on happy times, that he in no way regrets what he had with her, despite the pain of losing her. This lore entry is bittersweet, yet life-affirming in a way Those We’ve Lost wasn’t.

For me, the take away from his relationship with this woman isn’t that it left him emotionally hamstrung, rather, it gave him an insight into humanity that some other Lightbearers might lack. It’s clear that some humans see Guardians as a strange, alien breed because many Guardians set themselves apart from humanity. But Zavala isn’t like that. To my mind, this entry goes a long way to explaining why he’s such a dogged champion for humanity. He loved her, she who was “mortal and perfect,” he sees the value in humanity because he loved (and clearly still loves) a human. His love doesn’t bog him down in grief, it’s a motivation, it’s the reason he will always put the City before the Traveler, it’s the reason he’s so dedicated to saving humanity, it’s why he nurtured Amanda’s talents, it’s why he befriended Eva, it’s why he persauded Hawthorne to stay and essentially made her an honorary Guardian. He didn’t just love a human, he loves humanity and will do everything he can to preserve it. He doesn’t just honour her at the memorial, he honours her every time he puts on his armour and along with it, his Commander persona.

#commander zavala #zavala #destiny meta #destiny spoilers #season of the splicer #Destiny 2

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arcadialedger · 4 years

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How Catra and Zuko have been saving me lately: A (sort of) meta

A very long, personal post under the cut. This is really important to me, and I could really use some support, so if you could take the time to read and reblog that would be greatly appreciated. I just want to reach out.

Once again, please PLEASE read. I really need help.

Recently, I’ve found myself desperately latching onto the characters of Zuko and Catra, as many have in the past. To put it simply, I’m in one of the most difficult times of my life right now.

I’m transferring colleges because I was doxed by an online hate mob (long story) , and in general because I just didn’t belong at my old school. I went to three different high schools, moved around a whole bunch, and I don’t really belong anywhere. All of my friends are far away, my parents are busy working and I’m alone.

I just feel like I’m wandering aimlessly in darkness, unloved and unsure where to go. I’m faced with making a huge decision about my future with this transfer, and I’m terrified. Terrified I won’t make the right choice, and terrified it won’t be the newfound happiness I so desperately need it to be. But most of all, I’m terrified of being unwanted and alone again, wherever I go.

I’m used to not being wanted. I’m 4’10, not thin, and have been tossed aside because of my appearance my entire life. I’m 20 years old and haven’t been kissed (how pathetic is that). I moved schools and stayed in my room depressed because I never got to lay down roots and establish a foundation. Hell, I never even got to live as a teenager. I’m just behind and broken.

I was hoping Tumblr would be my place, where I could write and analyze and showcase my talents. Be wanted for once. For a while, it looked like it might be. Then a friend blocked me and made a callout post, due to me having a different opinion on a sensitive matter, and a domino effect began. I lost more friends and half of the fandom we’re both in blocked me seemingly at their word. I had featured this friend on an episode of my podcast at, had many fond memories chatting with them, and even bought a zine to support them. The loss hurt, and I was cut off from one of the few things I had. It was all taken away from me. My growth halted as I dealt with months of online abuse: including death threats, suicide baiting (these people knowing I’ve struggled with being suicidal), aphobic slurs (knowing I’m ace), mocking and editing images of my face. My Twitter was hacked, I lost podcast deals with creatives who my friends who blocked me and started all of this went on to interview because of said hacking, and I was threatened to be doxed. I suffered blow after blow while the people who hurt me grew and were rewarded, allowed a place here, and this continues to this day. The damage remains. I have to self reblog a whole bunch to get my content remotely seen in the algorithm.

Because my entire life, it feels I’ve never been allowed a win. I’ve never been allowed to have and keep anything good. I’m short and ugly, talentless with nothing to give to the world, my family has no money so I haven’t gotten to travel or experience a lot of things. I’ve spent my entire life envious of the “hot skinny girls” who’ve been wanted and dating since high school, who live in McMansions and get to go on vacations.

When I work to make good content on Tumblr and build a following talking about what I’m passionate about? It’s taken from me. When I work hard to get into my old college’s honors program and earn a trip to Greece which I could otherwise never afford, a global pandemic comes along and makes sure I don’t get that kind of positive experience in life.

I’m used to it all, being worn down and unwanted and losing. I’ve gone my entire life behind, lesser, and not enough.

And that’s why I’m so scared. I have a big decision to make, I’m at my own crossroads, and I desperately need all of this to come together for me this year. I’ve gone so long without happiness and love. I need this to be the light at the end of the tunnel, newfound happiness. I need to find newfound happiness. All I want is to escape the darkness, find peace of mind and function day to day doing the things I love without being stressed.

So when I see Zuko— so angry at the world for being given the short stick, abused, and never making things easy, and Catra— driven mad by comparison and feeling as though the world takes away everything from her? Gosh, I feel it so hard.

Because that’s just what I do. I get angry at the world for making things so hard for me. I compare. I feel like the world just takes and takes and never gives me a win. And so I’m never happy. I feel their pain and loneliness so deeply, and I’m terrified that I’m the villain because of it. I cry at the anguish and self loathing in their eyes because I have been there. I AM there.

Like Zuko comparing to Azula, I feel lesser because the world has constantly told me I am so. I feel cheated and given the short end of the stick, as though life has it out for me. I get angry and lash out from my pain.I’m desperate for validation from people who can never give it to me. I’m so scarred from my past, I can’t believe I have a future.

Like Catra, I’m always left behind. I’m lonely and driven mad by the unfairness of the world. It takes and takes until I’ve lost it all, but it never gives. I’m so afraid of losing anyone and anything else, I refuse to let anyone in. Because why would I deserve love? There’s nobody who wants me, no purpose for me on this world. I’m nothing, just constantly chasing an impossible goal of perfection to justify my existence.

“You drive them away, wildcat”

Yeah, I know their hurt. I know what it all feels like. To be that broken, that insecure, that left behind and unwanted. The punching bag of fate. These characters suffering is so much of my own.

And that’s why they’re the only thing to give me hope.

Seeing them be where I am now, and where they end up, I allow myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, that can be my future. That I’ll get a happy ending. It gives me the courage to believe that what I’m so desperately striving for can happen.

Zuko standing up to his father and forging his own path in life, which leads him to a better place as he finds his destiny and happiness after so many years of torment. We both have scars-- if he can overcome his, why can’t I?

Catra, after so many years of struggle, taking agency over her life back from those to abused her, and finally learning to accept the love of those around her. Opening up to pain and rejection and ultimately being forgiven. Catra felt so lonely, unable to see the love around her-- maybe I’ve been doing the same thing. Maybe I’ll find the strength to take my life into my own hands and find my own love.

It’s so empowering, a flicker of light in what feels like eternal darkness. I am so worn out and broken. I’ve never had love, or learned to love myself. In the real world, it is find to find hope.

It is only in these characters, who have felt my pain and found their way to a better place, that I find comfort.

I am one of so many who have been touched by these characters arcs, and they are one of the purest examples of why stories are important. Why the emotions narrative can evoke are important. It is not only escapism, it opens up a door to critical self introspection that can make a real difference in our lives. It holds up a black mirror of our lives, providing an outside view of our deepest, darkest emotions and struggles which can be so hard to understand when they’re inside.

These characters, and their stories: insecurity, abuse, doubt, comparison, chasing validation, just wanting to find your purpose in life and happiness-- they are the stories of life, stripped down to it’s rawest emotions.

There is power in redemption. There is power in rising from the bottom.

As I said in my last post about Catra and Zuko:

“Their stories: being angry at the world, driven mad by comparison and a need for validation, making wrong choices, processing trauma, needing help but being too scared to open up and accept it, feeling as though they don’t deserve love or forgiveness, fighting to restore and maintain valued relationships, convincing themselves they’ve lost it all, feeling conflicted or confused, realizing what they thought they wanted isn’t fulfilling and hasn’t brought happiness, escaping years of mental conditioning which told them they were worthless, not seeing the love they have right before them, constantly fighting uphill for a life which seems to throw everything it can at them… Well, isn’t that just the most human story of all? And so their redemptions give us hope.”

I have been so lost and lonely for so long, and now I’m at a crossroads. I’m so scared to believe that this change, this new path, can lead to a better place, but these characters? They give me strength to. They give me faith.

This has been a rambling post of feelings, and I am thankful to anyone who has read this far. I’m just so tired of feeling this way, and needed to reach out and share this. If you are also feeling this way, know you are not alone. You are so very far from alone.

I just really don’t want to feel unwanted and unloved, like I don’t belong, anymore. I want to have a place here. I probably sound desperate because I feel that way. I don’t know how else to cry out for help other than sharing this.

If anyone wants to message or send asks about this, please feel free to do so. I want, and very much need, to talk.

#personal #personal post #zuko #long post #catra #meta #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra #a:tla #atla #spop #mental health

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