#it’s all about who gets the most attention not who dies from lack of medical care

[crippled-peeper]

“you wanna be oppressed so bad” quote from abled trans woman living in gated community in a firmly blue state in one of two states in the entire country illegal to fire them for being trans , to a trans man with reproductive chronic illness in a state where abortion is a felony and crisis pregnancy centers outnumber health clinics and also it’s 100% legal to fire you for being trans if they wanna

[commandermahariel]

siiiiiiigh

[violet-eng]

Lantern Rite Zhongli x fem!reader - NSFW of course

Summary: Zhongli likes reader! since the first day he saw her. Then, during the Lantern Rite, he finds a spot where to watch the show together and do it. The second part wasn't planned. Old man just wanted some time with his crush but ended up doing it.

Warnings: Smut as always. piv. Outdoors sex? Unprotected sex (wear a condom please)

World count: idk, but it's a lot.

(🎨by @gorooon0402)

__________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ┊⋆ ┊ .┊ ┊ ⋆˚         ✧. ┊         ⋆ ★

The first time Zhongli saw you was at the top of the city, at the place where Rex Lapis had died. You had caught his attention, kneeling in front of the place, offerings in front of you and your head lowered.

He knew everyone in Liyue, somehow his ancient omniscience had given him that privilege, but you were a complete stranger. The cloak covering your body, the seams bruised and the hood worn, you had had a long journey, but you were there, praying.

You stood up, wiped your knees and adjusted your clothes. You headed towards the exit and brushed against his arm.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your voice soft, just like your features. You were in his eyes the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life.

That same afternoon, Zhongli goes to the Bubu pharmacy in search of certain medications; his human form had been difficult for him to care for in recent years. He rings the bell on the table expecting Baizhu or Qiqi to appear, instead, you are the one who receives it. This time you wear a different cape, matte oak colors without a hood, allowing your face to be seen clearly, framed by your hair.

"What can I help you?" You ask, both hands on the table and a kind smile on your lips. Zhongli, due to vestiges of his ability as an Archon, perceives a certain energy emanating from you: perseverance, an unbreakable will accompanied by nostalgia and kindness. He realizes that you have come a long way in your life, that you know hard work and have extensive knowledge about the different nations of Teyvat. He wonders why he didn't give you a Vision when he was Rex Lapis, realizing you lack one. All of this is enough to awaken something in him, a human feeling that he thought he had gotten rid of a long time ago.

"I need medicine" is the only thing that can come out of his lips, while he spreads a prescription in front of you.

"Ah, yes. Mr. Baizhu warned me that someone like you would come" you say, taking a bag.

"Someone like me?" The phrase sparks a hungry curiosity in Zhongli.

"Yes, an elegant gentleman with an eloquent voice."

Those words send a wave of heat up Zhongli's spine, although his face doesn't flinch.

"I see, it's like Baizhu" he finally says.

The following months you find yourself invading Zhongli's mind, and the more he gets to know you he realizes the greater attraction he feels for you. It's not just your face, your smile or your gestures, it's the way you care for the patients that Baizhu can't care for, the way you tell the children about the things you've seen outside of Liyue, when you help Madam Ping with her teapot or when you bandage Yanfei's ankle for running from side to side.

You are the kind of person he decided to live for as a human, the kind of pure soul he had given up his gnosis for, the creature he hates not having created, even though he knows he would never have had the ability to create something so perfect like you.

The Lantern Rite arrives, the festival is bigger this year than last, and Zhongli, who watches everything from one of the tables at the Wanmin Restaurant, cannot help but feel slightly alone. He looks for you in the crowd, perhaps you could share stories of his expeditions as you have often done for a few weeks, but he can't find you anywhere. That worries him.

He asks about you in a subtle way, knowing that people hold you in high esteem for your work as an auxiliary doctor, discovering that you have been making outpatient visits all day to some of the adventurers who suffered a gunpowder accident while preparing the fireworks.

So Zhongli heads to the city dock, where he finds you leaving the house of one of your patients. He notices that you are exhausted, so he approaches you cautiously.

"It looks like you haven't rested all day" he says as he offers you a drink.

"Is it late for the event?" you ask after wiping your lips with the back of your hand.

"No, you're just in time."

"Madame Ping's place is probably full, not to mention the plaza. I was dying to see the lanterns this year," you say, looking over the sea, where you realize that they are preparing everything for the big event.

"I know a place..." Zhongli says, not very sure of his words although his tone of voice hides it pretty well.

So you two end up crossing the water in a boat, reaching the other shore, from where you can see the coast of Liyue.

You are amazed by the sight, and you express it to Zhongli as you get rid of your cloak, revealing your clothes underneath, it is a dress, and Zhongli surprises himself by looking for where the zipper of your clothes would be or how easily It would be undoing your buttons.

The lanterns rise, and you pick up your legs as you follow the bright spots rising above the dark sky with your gaze. You watch the show and Zhongli looks at you, the amber color of the fudistant ego reflected faintly on your face.

You are alone, and that gives him enough courage to approach you, take your chin in his hand and turn your face towards his. You don't have time to react because his lips are against yours, gently sucking on your bottom lip.

You put your hands on his chest and separate yourself from him in search of air. He feels dazed, ecstatic, and ashamed all at once. He believes he has offended you, and regret consumes him until you kiss him again, this time wrapping your arms around his neck.

You feel the same as him, and that gives him enough courage to take off his jacket and tie while still kissing you. His hands go behind your back looking for that zipper that he had identified before, and then sliding it to reveal your body in lingerie. The image sends a ripple to his core and he suddenly feels imprisoned in his pants. He gently pushes you until your back is against the grass, damp from the rain a few hours ago, and he positions himself over you, your legs between his.

“Zhongli…” you whisper as you watch the way he undoes his shirt and then removes a glove with his teeth. You notice something primitive, almost animalistic, in his gaze.

As he undoes his pants you notice his hardened cock lifting the fabric of his underwear, your already wet center becoming even more soaked at the image of him on top of you.

Zhongli leans over you to kiss you as he gets rid of the fabric and is completely exposed to you. The image he gives you makes your nipples harden, and you close your legs even more before the incessant moisture that flows from you. Zhongli's body seems sculpted, his shoulders defined, his pectorals large, and his abdomen marked by his muscles. His cock points at you, big and thick, the head red with hunger at your center and a vein bulging on the side.

You gulp at the thought of what awaits you. You can't believe you're with him like this, outdoors, on the grass.

"We're alone, right?" you ask, and he smiles, leaning over you.

"Completely alone," he says, kissing your neck as one of his hands slides under the fabric of your bra, grabbing the soft flesh of your breast and teasing your nipple.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he whispers in your ear, his voice hoarse.

He takes off your bra, exposing your breasts to him. You try to cover yourself, but he grabs your hands and pulls them away from your breasts. He wants to see you, he has wanted to for weeks.

"Don't be shy," he hisses, tilting his head, a proud smile on his lips. You are completely blushing, "Let's see what else you have for me" he says, sliding one of his fingers between your breasts, down your abdomen and reaching the edge of your panties. He lowers them cautiously from both ends and when he takes them from you he brings them to his nose, inhaling your essence impregnated in the damp fabric. That only causes you to leak even more.

Zhongli throws the fabric along with the rest of the clothes and bows again, this time he won't pause as much. He glances at you as he spreads your legs with one hand, a lopsided smile appearing on his face as he notices how wet you are for him.

"All this just by touching you" he says as he slides two of his fingers through your folds making you shudder and arch your back, you are as needy for him as he is for you.

He brings his fingers to his mouth and tastes your juices, running his tongue over his lips.

"So sweet, and all for me," he growls.

He aligns himself with your entrance and suddenly you feel him slide easily inside you, it's as if you were tailor-made for him, specially created for him.

Zhongli pushes his way inside you, molding your walls to the shape of his cock.

“You're tight,” he whispers, stifling a moan, leaning over you and gripping the grass under his hands. The way you squeeze him drives him crazy.

When Zhongli is completely inside you, you throw your head to the side and cover your mouth so he doesn't hear you moan, you don't want to make him uncomfortable with some embarrassing sound.

"I want to hear you," he says, taking your hands and putting them on the sides of your head, "I want to hear you moan, scream, curse... no one else is going to hear you, only me."

You look at him with reddened cheeks, completely drugged with desire and lust. The way those words leave his lips, the way he looks at you while he's inside you, all of it makes you feel ready for whatever's next.

Zhongli moves slowly at first, drawing soft moans from you, he wants you to adjust to his size, he wants you to get used to his rhythm as he holds on your hips while he lets low moans into your neck.

You cling to his back and move your hips as if to signal that you are ready, that you want him to fuck you as he really wants.

When your insides feel empty without him, your walls clench around his tip, and then he slides all the way inside, hard and fast, giving you no time to process the thrust.

He does it one, two, three times, keeping your hips static against the grass, the friction against your buttocks burns at first, but then succumbs to the pleasure you feel every time he enters you, every time he hits your cervix and your g-spot. Every time he moans incoherently into your neck you forget that they are out in the open fucking like two animals in heat.

"So soft, so mine," he says between indecent moans as his tip arches inside you, hitting your cervix. You feel that at any moment he will cross into your uterus and split in half.

The force with which he thrusts into you is almost beastly, accompanied by grunts and his hand tangled in your hair. His mouth attacks your nipple, making you feel double stimulation.

Zhongli stands up and sits on the grass, placing you on top of him, on his hip. He never left your insides.

You cling to his neck and rest your head on his shoulder, the image of the approaching lanterns blurred by the tears in your eyes. Zhongli's hands on your hips mark the pace of penetration, sinking deeper into you if that is possible.

"Just like that, cutie, just like that~" he growls as he squeezes your glutes and abuses your pussy with his cock. You feel a knot forming inside you.

“Zhongli,” you moan, breathing heavily, arching your back and digging your nails into his shoulders.

He realizes you're about to reach your limit, and he lays you back down on the grass.

"Don't resist," he says as he lifts one of your legs and places it on his shoulder, giving you a wave of ecstasy from the new, even more pleasurable position.

You look at his face as he continues to move inside you, some of the lanterns fly above his head, the amber fire almost as intense as that of his eyes at that moment. You caress his cheek, that image of him, thirsty for your pussy with the flashlights on him, you want to keep it in your memory forever.

His thrusts become frantic and irregular in rhythm, you feel the burning in your belly and center grow more and more, like a flame of fire every time he touches the already quite abused rubbery spot. Zhongli goes on and on and on and then you feel him coming. The knot inside you unravels and you let out a scream as you mark his back with your nails. You've reached your orgasm, and overstimulation haunts you as Zhongli continues to move, seeking to reach his own climax.

He twists his mouth into a grimace and presses his hips against yours, releasing a load of his cum into your hole.

He's breathing hard, his forehead is sweaty, and his member is still inside you. You caress his chest and neck, he takes your hand and kisses the back. You are both silent, only your heavy breathing can be heard in the air.

"Oh my Rex Lapis" you finally say.

Zhongli smiles and kisses you on the lips after hearing you say that. Maybe in the future he will tell you about his past and who he really is, for now he just wants to be there, lying next to you, naked and watching the lanterns traveling through the night sky.

[blossoms-phan]

Hi! I am a X escapee relatively recent Dan & Phil returnee who loves your posts, you seem so reasonable. I have just been given what felt like a 90 min presentation detailing how my innocent assumption that Dan and Phil were anything other than platonic housemates was incorrect and offensive.

The lecture i was given included every reference that highlighted, amongst other things: their "obvious" separate bedrooms, bathrooms, towels, angles of items shown in bedrooms, closets, mentions of wanting to go out and meet other men, lack of real concern (X words, not mine) at each others medical emergencies and every use of bro and friend that they have said post hiatus. It was very detailed, they were very insistent and I was very apologetic. I decided to flee the X hostility and head back to tumblr, but here everyone appears to think they are together. So now I am confused and don't want to offend a whole new group of people.

I think what set the X people off was i said "partner" as I was under the, I now know, incorrect impression that they went public years ago. Oops. Don't trust the internet is what I have learned from this. I thought all this drama would have died out long ago, but I assume this is a topic to stay far away from still? Thanks

hi anon! first of all, thank you for saying that (still can’t believe I’ve garnered enough attention on here that people specifically like my posts!), I really appreciate it. second of all imma be so real with you I am a person that still primarily refers to “X” as twitter bc I refuse to get with the times so this greatly confused me until I realized there was only one possible platform with those kind of people you could be talking about. i’m sorry you endured that exhausting sounding lecture and welcome you to phannie tumblr with open arms 🫶

i am here to gently reassure you that you can take what dnp say and do and show and form your own opinions about it, don’t let anyone tell you you’re right or wrong for drawing conclusions or making assumptions. however I will also be so bold and tell you why that individual is so blatantly wrong and maybe clear some of your confusion.

first of all, i think dnp would refer to themselves as anything but "platonic housemates." it all comes back to this but i dare someone to look me in the eyes and be so fr when saying that just because they've never stated in words "we're dating/boyfriends/partners etc" the simple fact that they share a mortgage on a "forever home" together, (according to them) spend literally all their time together, are partners in work/life/play (vacations), share families (dan being uncle to phil's niece) implies anything other than them being life partners. i'd also like to draw attention back to possibly the most blatantly open statement either of them has made about the nature of their relationship, in dan's video titled "basically i'm gay" where he describes them as "actual soulmates" and more. there are lots of people who have been discussing/answering posts about the concept of a "hard launch" recently which i could direct you to and i am of the mind that there's nothing wrong with conceptualizing the idea of a hard launch or them being more open to sharing details of their romantic relationship to an extent, but BIG is the most profound public statement of the nature of their relationship and, in my humble opinion, "the" hard launch as dan QUITE LITERALLY says "more than just romantic" and goes on to say he and phil are private people and that that's all he will say of it for now (keep in mind it's been 5 years since this statement- still relevant but minds can change, specifically theirs in terms of what they feel more comfortable and open sharing in a post-comeback world)

now moving on to the "references" you mentioned. again, highlighting literally any of this as "proof" that they are just friends or whatever is utterly ridiculous but i'll still go through it for funsies. i'd like to challenge this person that claims they have "obvious" seperate bedrooms by saying... what is so obvious about it?? dnp are highly aware that whatever they share with us will be analyzed or viewed under a microscope, so obviously they've carefully chosen which parts of the phouse to show us and they're not going to be like oh yeah this is OUR bedroom where we sleep TOGETHER every night. now i'm aware that yes, the "black" bedroom with dan's closet is more obviously a dan room that has been claimed as "his" bedroom. can't find it to link rn but they have posted a photo of the shelf of that room and while it is mostly dan stuff on the shelves, there was also a photo of phil's family and some of phil's books and items on the shelves. storage? sure, but if someone wants to claim that makes it so obviously dan's room then i can say that having phil's stuff in there could also point to them sharing the space. the room that phil films amazingphil videos in has been called a guest room/bed by them both, and in terms of rooms we've seen that just leaves the green room. imho everything points towards this being another guest room/possibly a room for family specifically to stay when they come- iirc nothing has been said to claim this as phil's room other than the fact that there is a painting by his dad and he occasionally films in there. i'm not going to pretend to know the ins and outs of their sleeping arrangements, but i think for two adults that own a huge house together and spend a lot of time together and have a lot of their own things it's perfectly reasonable to have "separate" bedrooms, multiple bathrooms/their own towels (?? i don't get this one i assume they're referring to the part of the golden pig video but like. obviously they have their own towels wtf lmao) and utter those things more on camera and then sleep together/share spaces in their own time.

once again, dan and phil know what they're doing. they are in control of what they show and share. calling each other "bro" and "friend" is an intentional choice and very much second nature at this point after doing it on camera for years. also it's not wrong or implies that they aren't romantic- i am of the opinion that they are friends first and they know that too. however, in a post-hiatus/comeback world, it almost feels pointed at this point. like a joke. a wink wink, nudge nudge, look-to-camera "we know you know" thing that they're keeping going just because they can.

in terms of the "going out and meeting other men" bit i assume they refer to jokes made by dan in the wad era? again, i'm not going to dive deep into this but dan is a comedian and post-coming out, wad and those other shows were the first time in his life he was able to be openly, unapologetically gay and himself and i think he was allowed to make a few grindr jokes for the fun of it. if dan values privacy in terms of his personal life, i highly doubt he would go around telling everyone he was hooking up with dudes- these are jokes plain and simple. but if you're interested @freckliedan has a wonderful post about dnp and the concept of monogamy/them sleeping with other people that i don't entirely disagree with and that is worded much better than i ever could so. i'd also like to talk to this person bc in what fucking world have they EVER shown a "lack of concern" at each others medical emergencies????? this is possibly the most baffling claim out of all of these to me. dan could not have made it more clear how scared/worried/traumatized he was by phil literally almost dying recently, and there have been more instances than i can count of him just being there for phil during all of his more recent health issues/scares. if this is referring to the eye incident, again i'm not going to pretend i know all the ins and outs of their relationship bc i don't- we know what they tell us. literally everything about this they said in a joking way, i don't know why people got their panties in a bunch- phil sending dan alone doesn't mean he doesn't care about him or anything, i honestly don't think he wouldn't have been much help going and i think they both kind of knew this, they were just playing it up to be a funny anecdote because they're entertainers. it's what they do. they've been making stories out of their lives for 15 years.

this is getting far too long and rambley as i don't know how to rein in my yapping when responding to asks but. i promise you're fine. discussing their relationship isn't "drama" or some forbidden thing, it happens on here a lot actually. except you will find most people on here use critical thinking and what dan and phil knowingly share with us, as adults with brains, to draw conclusions about their relationship based on everything from the way they look at each other to the little ways they tell us they care about and love each other bc they do. and that's not something they shy from now. come join us! don't let people tell you you're wrong for thinking they're partners bc in the nicest way possible, they literally are (if you want to sugarcoat it and say life partners instead of romantic go ahead bc they've literally described themselves as companions through life which is a more poetic way of saying partners imo) and respectfully anyone who thinks otherwise is in denial at this point

[spyridonya]

I headcanon that Raphael's mother was from Toril, born in the Netherese Empire about 3000 prior to the events of BG3.

This was in the middle of the era of humanity, named as such for the rising human nations and empires which began roughly 5000 with the founding of the Netherese Empire to the Time of Troubles, an event about 120 years before BG3.

Old lore suggests that mortal women often died giving birth to cambions, but this was written by dudes in the 90s who don't realize if a mother dies in a pre-formula era, the baby dies without a wet nurse. No cambion babies reaching adulthood means no Tieflings.

But! Here is the thing! Mothers died in childbirth because of lack of medical care and I feel Raphael's mother was a cultist of Mephistopheles', someone hand picked for her qualities - because Devils plan for children.

Mephistopheles' is one of the most powerful beings in the multiverse and can easily get a wet nurse for his progeny. Even one who would be willing to do it.

And very likely someone else from Toril and could very well be Netherese.

After all, someone has to inspire Raphael to keep his attention on Toril.

[081098]

hey all, here are a few Gaza fundraisers that i'd like to draw attention to this week. these have all been vetted by @/90-ghost, @/nabulsi or @/el-shab-hussein. i compile fundraiser links sent to me here:

Muhammad Atallah - €14.9k of €82k goal - GFM: https://gofund.me/2258572c

Nabila Mohammed - $2.7k of $10k - GFM: https://gofund.me/39c2807d

Nada Saftawi - €13k of €16k - GFM: https://gofund.me/bea5fd0d

Dr. Husam Farhat - $7.6k of $29.5k - GFM: https://gofund.me/6dee7dc8

Abdel Muti Al-Habil - €12.2k of €25k - GFM: https://gofund.me/b2ffd173

Mahmoud Khalaf - €27.6k of €30k - GFM: https://gofund.me/0ee1236d

Musab Abed - £5.8k of £8k - GFM: https://gofund.me/9dad46d9

Fatima Alanqar - €7.6k of €20k - GFM: https://gofund.me/6b1e699c

let's learn more about these folks🍉

Muhammed is 17 years old, and was shot by an explosive bullet in February while retrieving supplies for his family whose home has been completely destroyed. This campaign covers the estimated €31k for a bone graft operation, with the rest going towards rebuilding their home.

Nabila is 64 years old, and this campaign is being run by a friend of her daughter. She has had difficulties obtaining medicine to treat her diabetes and other medical issues. Here is a quote from the GFM that really broke my heart: "I know that I don’t have as much life left as I have, but I have the right to live and enjoy this."

Nada is an artist and was a teacher prior to current Israeli aggressions. She shares her love for learning with her 3 beautiful children. The family has been displaced multiple times.

Dr. Farhat's home and business was destroyed by the ongoing conflict. This GoFundMe aims to evacuate the family first to Egypt and then to Malaysia, where Dr. Farhat can complete the final year of his PhD.

Abdel, his wife and their two-year-old daughter, along with their extended family have suffered immensely from the violence over the past year. Their homes have been destroyed, they have been displaced multiple times, and they are currently living out of a tent.

Mahmoud is a PhD student currently residing in Ireland, who is fundraising to get his family out of the Gaza Strip. Here is a devastating account of one of the attacks: At one time, my family barely escaped death when sniper bullets hit the house where they sought refuge. [...] They saw flashbacks before their eyes from their journey in life and thought: "This is the end. Here is where everyone in this family dies."

Musab is 22 years old and was studying medical equipment engineering at Al-Azhar University. As many of you know, most universities in the Gaza strip have been severely damaged if not destroyed which has affected many of Gaza's young adult population. Musab, his family, and their beloved pets are struggling with daily resources, but this campaign will support them in rebuilding their lives.

Fatima and her husband have five children under the age of 12, and have been displaced 17 times. The family was forced to wean their youngest who due to the lack of milk production caused by food shortages.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Hey, what do you think about this one:

https://khanbika.tumblr.com/post/693576051182419968/unpopular-opinion-but-i-genuinely-dont

It's short, so I'll post it for everyone else to see:

Unpopular opinion, but I genuinely don't understand the "Men are inherently privileged in this society". Like, who's the first to die in wars? Who's always expected to sacrifice themselves and not expect any help? Who's seen as inherently dangerous and violent and thus experience police bias? Who's sexual violence victims are always overlooked and hardly every get any justice? Who's expected to be feminist for equal rights BUT pay for the woman they're not even dating yet? Ik last one isn't a huge deal, I'm saying that it's about always placing the financial burden on a man as if a woman is his child or something.

You may go on about how these issues are invented by men, but if you're a man or society forces you to be one, it doesn't help you anyhow or chanhe the situation. You have to sacrifice yourself, you have to go to the army, you will be ignored as a sa or violence victim. You can be a dead ass 'smash the patriarchy' dude but this won't save you from all of these issues. So where is the inherent privilege? I agree that male privileges do exist, but there are also disadvantages and pretty serious ones. How the fuck are we supposed to ignore all this?

-  Like, who's the first to die in wars?

Let us by way of conclusion repeat the two major findings. The first is the fact that in ongoing wars which occur most often in developing countries, men die more frequently than women in direct armed conflicts, while more women than men die in post-conflict situations of the indirect causes of war. The other finding is the fact that we in general know very little about the conflict related mortality of both women and men in contemporary wars. Both findings hamper policy planning for military and humanitarian assistance. We have no good data on the causes of death in modern wars. Are male casualties a result of deadly wounds or of the lack of medical care or of other war related diseases? What are the causes of female deaths in post-conflict situations?

There really isn’t a good source out there that specifically says who dies more. The numbers you see are just totals of everyone who died. 

https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.613.9724&rep=rep1&type=pdf

-  Who's always expected to sacrifice themselves and not expect any help?

As a society, we tend to not care as much when it comes to the well being of men. We see what women go through as more tragic and more deserving of attention and resources when we should be paying attention to both. This is what is referred to as male disposability. 

For example, cancer. 

The 2nd deadliest cancer for women is breast cancer. The 2nd for men is prostate cancer. 

nearly 10,000 men in the United States are diagnosed with testicular cancer each year. But you wouldn’t know it, from the cancer research funding. The National Cancer Institute spends twice as much funding research on breast cancer than it does on prostate cancer; the National Institutes of health spends almost three times more ($700 million, to prostate cancer’s $250 million).

It’s just in the US that prostate cancer gets lesser funding. The UK only has £12m that goes towards it while breast cancer gets £23m. 

Oftentimes when you hear about cancer and you hear about fundraisers and such, it’s about breast cancer. Shining a light on it isn’t a bad thing, but we shouldn’t overlook what prostate cancer does to men. 

ttps://www.cancerresearchuk.org/funding-for-researchers/facts-and-figures-about-our-research-funding-0

https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/prostate-cancer-research-funding-breast-cancer

Another example is homelessness. In Portland Oregon back in 2015, Mayor  Charlie Hales said  he wants to declare a housing emergency next month with the hope of providing shelter for all homeless women by year's end.

At that time, the percentage of adult women who were homeless was 30% while 58% of adult men were homeless. 

https://www.portlandoregon.gov/toolkit/article/562207

https://www.oregonlive.com/portland/2015/09/portland_housing_emergency_to.html#:~:text=Portland%20Mayor%20Charlie%20Hales%20on%20Wednesday%20said%20he,homeless%20women%20by%20the%20end%20of%20the%20year.

-  Who's sexual violence victims are always overlooked and hardly every get any justice?

Oftentimes, this goes unreported and not taken into account. That’s why we see low numbers. There’s this huge stigma that both men and women (some, not all of course) are at fault for. It’s seen as offensive to some that you would even mention it because they think it happens so little and your focus should be on the female victims. 

Human trafficking is one such example. 

Now, mounting evidence, along with the accounts of front-line psychologists and social workers, show that men and boys make up a significant proportion of victims of trafficking, validating Procopio's realization. A report by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime in 2012 estimated that men accounted for 25 percent of trafficking victims globally. Further, the Global Report on Trafficking in Persons estimated that 27 percent of all victims detected globally were children and that of those, one in three victims were boys.

In addition, staff at the National Human Trafficking Resource Center hotline identified more than 24,000 cases of human trafficking in the United States from 2012 to September 2016. Of those, 13 percent—or more than 3,000—were men.

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/04/sex-trafficking

Internationally, there has been a greater response to male victims of sex trafficking, especially in Asia and the Middle East where the crime is much more rampant. Service providers in the UAE recently opened the first center for male victims of human trafficking in Abu Dhabi and anti-trafficking organizations focusing solely on men such as Urban Light are common in Southeast Asia. In general, there are more foreign organizations working with male victims of sex trafficking because of the high rates of HIV / AIDS in Asia and the global south. Treatment for HIV / AIDS is often part of the rehabilitation and recovery services offered for male victims of sex trafficking. Even in developed countries, there has been a concern for male victims of sex trafficking. For example, in the United Kingdom there is growing awareness of the number of male victims after a report by the Salvation Army stated that 41 percent of human trafficking victims in the United Kingdom were men. Regardless of location or gender, what it really comes down to is that all victims of sex trafficking need a safe place for recovery and rehabilitation.

https://humantraffickingsearch.org/invisible-men-male-victims-of-sex-trafficking/

https://www.statista.com/statistics/300796/percentage-of-trafficking-victims-worldwide-by-gender-and-age/

That graph on Statista shows an increase in male victims from 2004 to 2018, although there was a 1% decrease from 2016-2018

Granted yes, women make up a large number of victims. However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t recognize that it happens to both. I don’t think a lot of people realize that boys are victims as well. You just don’t think about it. You hear human trafficking and you think of women and girls. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to sound like we shouldn’t have any focus on women and girls, we just need to think about both. We should help both. We should give attention towards both. 

-  Who's seen as inherently dangerous and violent and thus experience police bias?

For all young men, regardless of skin color, police violence was also a leading cause of death between 2013 and 2018. Overall, women are about 20 times less likely to be killed by police than men.

The average lifetime odds of being killed by police are about 1 in 2,000 for men and about 1 in 33,000 for women.

https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1821204116

https://www.gilmorehealth.com/men-are-20-times-more-likely-than-women-to-be-killed-by-the-police-regardless-of-race/

-  Who's expected to be feminist for equal rights BUT pay for the woman they're not even dating yet? 

In a survey on love and finances conducted by Money and SurveyMonkey, 78% of respondents said they think men should pay on the first date. Out of the 4,447 participants, 20 percent disagreed, while 2 percent declined to answer.

Overall, women were slightly less united on the matter. While 85% of men agreed that their wallets should be on the line, only 72% of women said so. This trend held steady with every group except for divorcees, where women slightly edged out the men in answering “yes.”

The gender gap was widest among single people who have never been married: A full third of single women said men shouldn't be expected to foot the bill on the first outing. Also, a quarter of all millennials responded “no” when asked if they thought, in general, men should pay.

The survey does not account for regional disparities or the broad spectrum of relationships outside of the heterosexual. But for now, it appears men are still largely expected to pony up on the first date. So how much will this tradition cost them?

When asked how much was appropriate to spend on a first date, 41% of respondents answered $25 to $49. But many male respondents claimed to be bigger spenders: 43% of men said they expected to shell out between $50 and $99 on a first date.

And according to this: 

Chivalry dictates that on a “date,” the man pays, whereas egalitarian ideals suggest that gender should not determine who pays. We examined the extent to which people embrace or reject these competing notions. Unmarried heterosexual participants (N = 17,607) reported their behaviors and attitudes regarding who does and who should pay for dates on a survey posted on NBCNews.com. Although most men (74%) and women (83%) report that both members of the couple contribute to dating expenses after dating for 6 months, most men (84%) and women (58%) reported that men still pay more expenses. Many women (39%) wished men would reject their offers to pay and 44% of women were bothered when men expected women to help pay. Many women, however, were bothered when men won’t accept their money (40%). Nearly two thirds of men (64%) believed that women should contribute and nearly half of men (44%) said they would stop dating a woman who never pays. Nevertheless, the majority of men said they feel guilty when accepting women’s money (76%). These data illustrate how many people are resisting or conforming to traditional gender norms in one telling aspect of dating that historically was related to the male’s displaying benevolent sexism, dominance, and ability to fulfill breadwinner role during courtship.

https://money.com/valentines-day-men-pay-first-date/

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2158244015613107

The answer as to who should pay really depends on the person. A common reason you’ll hear why men should is that they need to make a good first impression, it’s being a gentleman or if he asked, he should pay. Something along those lines. I think regardless of who asks, the first date should be split. That’s just my opinion. 

--  

This whole idea of men being “privileged” has done harm. It’s the only problem that has people not seeing that men have their own issues too, but it doesn’t help. It’s pretty hard to see it when you’re constantly being fed this idea that men are always benefiting in society (especially the more narrow you go with sexuality, race, etc.). 

Some people might still see them as  privileged while having their own issues. Others, the more extreme type, don’t see them as having problems. It seems impossible to them. 

And that, everyone, is a huge problem 

[handshealed]

vincent. • bodyclaim. • headcanons. • isms. • threads.

BASIC INFO

full name — Vincent Hale age — thirty-eight (october 27th) gender — cis male, (he/ him/ his pronouns) orientation — homosexual occupation — paramedic deity connection — apollo  pet name — tba weapon / armor — daggers 2x + studded leather armor clothing style — casual

PHYSICAL INFO

face claim — Ian Bohen hair — dark blonde / eyes — blue height — five foot & ten inches build — there, he's been blessed with very very good genes bc he LOVES eating and isn't the biggest fan of working out, but still... y'know.. stays in shape scars — other than his heart lmao? teeny tiny little scar from when his appendix was removed (it was an emergency) tattoos — his brother's name's on his his arm, together with their birthdate piercings — he has pierced nipples, cause one of his former bfs liked it and he's a pushover and then he just kept them special characteristics — vincent is ... a ray of sunshine but with huge self-worth and abandonment issues. he will put everybody before himself, always. but no matter how sad he is, he'll attempt to keep that poster boy smile on his face sexual preference — bottom sub

PERSONALITY

alignment — ray of sunshine good positive traits — protective, caring, loyal, friendly negative traits — self-destructive, no self worth, insecure hobbies — hiking, enjoying nature, helping out where he can

MEDICAL INFO

mental — distinct lack of self worth, tends to feel like he's a bother physical — healthy bby phobias — abandonment issues eyesight — 18/20 dominant hand — right hand drug use — nop alcohol use — nop diet — food food food foooood. meat is a preference, but foooooooood.

BACKGROUND

birthplace — vernon hills, IL parents — Talia Hale (biological mother) & Apollo (biological father) siblings — anthony hale (older twin brother) pets — n/a education — high school diploma, emt + paramedic program graduate notable skills — can get by unnoticed easily bc he's not a v loud personality

BIO

Vincent was born two minutes and 33 seconds after his older brother Anthony. As a baby, he was the one to cry and giggle at the same time, amusing their parents and most likely sometimes even his twin brother. As a toddler, he was always a step behind, following his brother loyally, but still always only looking at the back of his head as Anthony moved forward determinedly. He didn’t mind though, Vincent never once felt unhappy about it. He cherished his brother dearly, even when he was only 3 years old - everybody could see just how much he admired him. It was never evaluated as a problem, quite the opposite, because Anthony was comfortable in his twin's presence.

The differences between them only grew more obvious as years went by, Vincent the shy & quiet one in the back while Anthony caught all the attention & shined brightly in it. Their mother died when they both were still little & nobody ever met their father, so they were raised by their older sister, Talia, who .. was loved by many, but when it was just them at home.. there was a different air to her. Vincent adored her, as he did ... most people, but he had to watch Anthony & her fight quite often. Of course he picked his brother's side. Always.

The first day at school, Anthony was there to comfort him. He always was. The big, protective brother and Vincent relished in it. &… they were never lonely, because they always had one another & nothing could get in-between them. Nothing.

Being born into one of the wealthiest families in the State, did come with ups & downs. Vincent had everything he could possibly want, growing up, but at the same time ... responsibility no child should be carrying around with them rested on his & Anthony's shoulders. With the twins building the family business' future, they had to be on their best behavior. Always.

But Talia underestimated the bond shared between twins - by far, especially with one of them never up to anything good & the other with an abnormal need to support the troublemaker. It started with little pranks, but as they grew older & Anthony even more confident... he also grew more ambitious & Vincent? He loved & admired his brother more than anything in the world.

Three weeks before their eleventh birthday, Talia had invited colleagues & neighbors over for a big gathering. Everybody of worth was huddled up in their house for the entire night & the boys had been reprimanded to behave. Safe to say they didn't. A scandal the neighborhood & Talia's colleagues would be talking about for a long time coming .... would be born tonight.

Long story short, Anthony thought messing wit the food would cause uproar, but it didn't, which woke the ambitious monster within him. It didn't end well. Not even Vincent can recall how it happened, but there was fire involved. A lot of it.

When blame was to be placed upon one of the twins, it wasn't Anthony who was declared culprit - Talia saw the worth in him, surely. She didn't. But she had a choice to make to fix the mess they had created & one of them had to pay for their sins, children or not. Vincent, the timid follower was useless in Talia's empire - dispensable. Anthony was the leader type, flaws or not. He was the confident, smart & independent leader she wanted. & so Vincent was officially banished & sent to a camp for troubled teens in Alaska, which was as far away as she managed to get him accepted in a few hour's time.

He didn't see it coming, but in the morning ... he found a car waiting. Unlike the other kids in BlueFire Wilderness, Vincent's stay didn't come with an expiration date, so he would be spending the next eight years there until he was old enough to decide about life by himself. He tried to escape, but even if he did, he wouldn't know where to go. But, abandoned by those he loved & alone in the world, Vincent didn't seek to get away from Camp anymore after the first months. Why bother when they forgot about him so easily?

Vincent didn't set foot in Camp Halfblood until he was fourteen, but then he'd spend the summers there at least - as was agreed on by Camp leaders. His first little dip into the truth of who his father was. His powers were ... not quite as attention-seeking as others, so it took everybody a long while to even notice. He doesn't remember when he first met his father, but it changed his life, even though he - too ...abandoned him.

When released from BlueFire Wilderness at the age of 18, Vincent became a paramedic. He'd always had that urge to help. Be it his brother or kids in camp. It didn't matter. Vincent was .. a helper & saving people's lives? Pretty good way to help.

It wasn't until about a decade later that Vincent decided to follow the call, both to find out more about who he is and what he is capable of, but also ...again, to help save lives where he can.

[tehuti88-art]

6/23/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Major/Master Sergeant Lars Franke: Sans cap (top drawing), with peaked cap (second drawing), with field cap and goggles (third drawing), with field cap and goggles on (bottom drawing). He's a former adjutant/guard who's forced to go on "medical leave" after a mental breakdown so accepts a demotion and transfers to a tank unit. He has...issues. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding his design, he's a Doberman pinscher. I was going to give him headphones, but couldn't figure out how to draw them, then decided they're more of a work accessory than part of his uniform. This isn't quite how I picture him, though I do know he's a Doberman, has brown hair, and usually has an angry expression.

TUMBLR EDIT: Franke is more of a back character--he's absent throughout almost the entire main storyline--so his history hasn't been developed yet. For now I'll assume he had a relatively normal, if strict, traditional middle-class German upbringing. For whatever reason, he takes a fancy to the Nazi Party and joins the SS. I'm unsure if he was in the Great War--I don't think so--or if he fights at all in the early days of the second war--again, I doubt it. He enters the SS-Totenkopfverbände, the guard units who administer the budding camp system, though the SS-TV is closely aligned with the Waffen-SS so there's the understanding that he could be shipped off to the front at any time if the need arises. When he joins, this possibility is distant, so he doesn't dwell on it when he's assigned to a camp.

It's a rather new camp Franke eventually ends up at, and a new commandant is on the way. The story is he's a transfer from another camp and has a rather shady reputation due to a couple of mysterious incidents, one involving the death of a prisoner who committed suicide by electrocuting himself, the other involving the deaths of his own parents. Although his involvement in the first incident is almost ensured and has even become a bit of an urban legend--witnesses claim he didn't lay a finger on or even threaten the man, just walked toward him, at which the prisoner panicked and went running straight into the electric fence--the second incident is much murkier; although his mother was supposedly very ill, and chose (mostly) legal euthanasia over dying slowly, there are vague rumors of some sort of inappropriate relationship between the two, and their possible involvement in the earlier death of her husband/his father, who supposedly died of a heart attack...except there may have been hints of suffocation. It's all quite salacious and unproven, of course, but his reputation involving the death of the inmate is said to have contributed to his transfer--and promotion--in the new camp: The higher-ups wanted somebody particularly nasty for the job, and Lt. Col. Ernst Dannecker is said to fit the bill.

The guards are curious about him not only because of the rumors, but because he'll have to pick an adjutant, or second-in-command, from among them. When he arrives, he seems like nothing special, in fact, he appears to be bored with the entire situation. Hardly seems like the hardened killer type. Still...Franke is ambitious, and immediately starts angling for the promotion. He's just unsure how to most effectively do it. Dannecker seems impervious to fawning and flattery, which is all Franke knows, so he tries to make himself useful, indispensable, instead. This means doing all the unpleasant chores Dannecker needs done but nobody else wants to do. This at least captures Dannecker's attention, but nothing much else. Franke gets so frustrated at his lack of progress that one day when a prisoner accidentally splashes mud on his pants he loses his temper, knocking him down with his stick, then kicking him, screaming the entire time. The prisoner is helped up by his fellows and skulks off while Franke sits down on a piece of wall and grumbles and fusses over the stains. A voice behind him--another guard, he assumes--says, "You're really so prissy that you'll let a mudstain bother you?" to which Franke, incensed, snaps, "F**k off!" There's a pause, then the other person steps around in front of him; Franke bristles and lifts his head to cuss at him again, only to notice his collar tabs--the SS-TV Totenkopf, and four silver pips with a black-on-silver stripe, an Obersturmbannführer--then his face--Dannecker wears a mildly peeved expression. Franke promptly shoots to his feet and salutes, bobbing his head and removing his cap for good measure.

Franke: "A--apologies, Kamerad Kommandant! I didn't know it was you."

Dannecker: "Really? You would've spoken differently had you known?"

Franke: "Of course, Kamerad Kommandant."

Dannecker: "So you're saying you like to lie to your superior officers."

Franke: "I..." *confused* "Of--of course not, Kamerad Kommandant...?"

Dannecker: "You're really bad at this, you know?"

Dannecker turns and walks away. On the one hand, Franke is glad not to be struck or reprimanded for his disrespect, but on the other hand, it looks like he maybe missed his chance to win Dannecker over. Lying in his bunk that night, he mulls over it all. His faux pas did little more than annoy Dannecker; it must have been his assault of the prisoner that got his attention. Franke winces--beating down prisoners isn't his thing--but makes a mental note. Of course it makes sense, when Dannecker was allegedly assigned this camp on account of his own brutality: Violence is what gets his attention. Franke has to be more violent.

He makes a point, then, of smacking the prisoners around when he gets the chance, though it isn't much different from what the other guards already routinely do. Just randomly beating the s**t out of one is technically against the rules. So Franke is still struggling to think of what to do when he gets into a verbal spat with one of his fellow guards one day. He's still frustrated at his lack of progress, too, and if there's one thing Franke is really bad at handling, it's frustration. Result, the verbal spat soon becomes physical, and after a bit of shoving around, Franke hauls off and punches the other guard, promptly laying him out. It's not like the time he hit the prisoner, though--guards fight back. So the other guy pushes himself up, shakes himself off, and comes right back swinging. Franke hits him first, then commences pummeling him, left and right, until he goes down again; then Franke starts kicking. A couple of other guards who'd been watching finally grab Franke's elbows and pull him back. It takes a few minutes for him to simmer down a bit, and he stomps off to the other side of the yard to stew while the unconscious guard is carried to the medical building. A little while later, Franke is summoned to Dannecker's office; he grimaces but reluctantly heads for the administration building, knowing full well what to expect. Fighting among guards is strictly forbidden. On the walk there he tries to think of what other sorts of jobs might be open to him.

Franke finds Dannecker waiting with arms crossed, another visiting SS official standing beside him. As he watches, perplexed, Dannecker pulls out some folded Reichsmarks and hands them to the other officer, who offers an awkward salute and excuses himself. Dannecker crosses his arms again.

Dannecker: "You lost me some money today, Kamerad. I bet against you."

Franke: *blinking, confused* "P...pardon?"

Dannecker: "Anyone can smack around a half-starved prisoner, but it's something else entirely to knock out one of your Kameraden. I figured you didn't have it in you. Especially after all that girly fuss over your uniform."

Franke: "Am...am I being reprimanded?"

Dannecker: "That depends." *comes around the desk to face him* "I'm not looking for anyone who makes a habit of walloping his fellow officers, you understand?"

Franke: "Of--of course not, Kamerad Kommandant."

Dannecker: "I am looking for someone, however, who isn't squeamish about anything that needs to be done. No matter how unpleasant. Understand?"

Franke: "J--ja, Kamerad Kommandant."

Dannecker: *leans uncomfortably close* "Tell me, Kamerad, if you ever get someone's blood, or brains, splashed onto that nice shiny uniform of yours, what'll you do...?"

Franke: "I..." *swallows* "I--just hope that I'll be the one who made that person bleed, Kamerad Kommandant."

Even as he says it, Franke's also thinking, "WTF." That's definitely not what he'd be hoping for. Still...he feels the need to pretend it's what he would want. There's a slight pause, then a smile slowly creeps up Dannecker's face--Franke has to force himself not to shudder when realization hits. Dannecker isn't simply cruel. He's a sadist.

Franke gets promoted to the rank of Sturmbannführer and the position of adjutant, though it feels rather like he sold his soul to do so--fitting, as Dannecker has already earned himself the whispered nickname of "Der Teufel" (The Devil), which he doesn't seem to mind when word of it reaches him--he even eventually procures an ornate, and presumably expensive, tapestry (by illegally trading away a Jewish prisoner set to be terminated) featuring the Devil, which he hangs on the wall not far from his office. Franke swallows his revulsion, however--if this is what it takes to move up in the world, well, he only wishes he had a few more souls to sell.

He takes to his new role with gusto, bossing around the other guards in such a manner that even Dannecker has to pull him back now and then ("You want them afraid of you, Kamerad, not so annoyed they slip laxatives into your coffee"), as well as terrorizing the prisoners (Dannecker takes no issue with that) and handling all the tedious everyday administrative affairs Dannecker has little mind for. He excels at this last duty, keeping things running a lot more smoothly than they otherwise would, considering Dannecker's chaotic leadership style; he also provides a mediating voice when officials visit and Dannecker says things he really shouldn't say, in effect greasing the bureaucratic wheels when necessary. He might have a pissy attitude when dealing with his equals or underlings, but he knows how to suck up, and uses that to both his and Dannecker's advantage.

As time goes on he also learns how to pick up on Dannecker's quirks, and learns through experience when to avoid him. Dannecker tends not to often lose his temper--in contrast with the frequently volatile Franke--but he does get infuriated in his own particular way. Franke knows that when he falls quiet and gets an unpleasant glint in his eyes to steer clear of him or else--this tends to happen either right before he shoots someone, threatens to shoot them (he likes carrying a revolver, the better to play Russian roulette), or embarks on what become known as his "pet projects." The first time a prisoner enrages him enough to carry out a pet project, the amount of time and effort he puts into it is breathtaking to behold; and Dannecker ends up not even needing to kill the guy. The prisoner does this himself, when the guards enter the prisoner barracks one day to find him hanging from a bunk. Although pet projects aren't his cup of tea, Franke can't help but be impressed; the rumor about the prisoner in the previous camp, who would've rather thrown himself at an electric fence than keep dealing with Dannecker, makes more sense now, and he's awed that somebody can inflict such fear without even needing to beat someone. It takes a special mindset to pull off such a thing, and he knows he lacks that. The problem, though, is how unfortunately easy it is to get sucked into a pet project without intending it; Dannecker doesn't care about collateral damage, so Franke and the other guards quickly learn to keep their distance whenever he gets that glint in his eyes.

Franke is surprised when Dannecker appoints a Jewish prisoner, Isaak Schindel, as Lagerälteste, or kapo, to help keep the prisoners in line, in exchange for better food and lodgings. Dannecker has an especial hatred for the Jews, cracking down harder on them than on others in the camp such as Roma or Slavs. Why would he choose to put one in a position of authority? Dannecker tells Franke that he actually gave him the idea, and he thought it might be "fun" somewhere along the way. Franke's not sure what to make of that, but he knows it can't be good, and Schindel is likely to become a part of one of Dannecker's pet projects. And that's exactly what happens when the camp gets a new batch of prisoners; Franke, observing selections (it isn't an extermination camp with gas chambers, but prisoners deemed unfit for work are shot and sent to the crematorium--smoke plumes from the chimney more days than not), has no reason to take notice of one new arrival, a former jeweler and document forger named Josef Diamant, but he'll become quite familiar with that name soon. Diamant is sent to the right...forced labor, rather than death. Franke, bored, pays him no attention as he's pushed along into the camp.

He knows the s**t's about to hit the fan, however, when one day Dannecker does lose his temper and starts beating a prisoner in the yard. Nobody dares to intervene, not only because they know they stand no chance, but because it's just such a novel situation to witness. So it comes as even more of a shock when Diamant abruptly jumps forward and knocks Dannecker's hand aside, sending his stick flying. Absolutely EVERYONE--all guards, all prisoners, Schindel, Franke, and not least of all Dannecker himself--freezes. Dannecker doesn't even look angry, he's in such disbelief. From Schindel's entry:

Everyone expects Dannecker to lay into Diamant next, but he simply lowers his arm, turns, and walks back toward the administration building. Diamant tries to help up the beaten prisoner but is shoved away--"What have you done? You've only made it worse! He'll kill us both, now!" And indeed, a murmur ripples through the camp: Dannecker is striding back, seemingly having composed himself. The prisoner gets on his knees and starts begging for forgiveness--Dannecker doesn't even stop to look at him, just pulls out his revolver and shoots him in the head. Schindel and everyone else watches as Diamant panics and goes running, Dannecker fiddling with his gun as he just continues walking after him. He corners Diamant against a wall, puts the gun to his head, and fires--nothing happens, yet Dannecker smiles and says, "Your lucky day, Jew." There's a reason Dannecker prefers carrying a revolver--easy to play Russian roulette, one of his favorite torture methods. He doesn't kill Diamant that day, but later that night, he arrives at one of the prisoners' barracks after dark and motions the guard to let him in. Schindel isn't there to see it, but other prisoners who are wakened by Dannecker's unexpected appearance murmur about it the next day. Dannecker singles out Diamant's bunk, kneels down, presses his gun to his head, and whispers a promise. Diamant is officially his new pet project.

Franke looks on from a safe distance over the following weeks. Dannecker's psychological torture is so effective as he's expert at playing the long game; a single pet project can go on for months. He often goes many days without doing anything at all, which just drives his victims even crazier trying to figure out if he's done with them yet or when the other shoe is going to drop. Well, he pulls this on Diamant, and it starts to work--it isn't long before Diamant is a nervous wreck--yet it doesn't go as quickly as Dannecker would prefer. He decides he needs to step things up, and one day has both Schindel and Diamant brought to his office. Franke waits outside in the hallway; the three are in there for only a little while, not too long at all, but by the time Dannecker calls for Franke to come in, something drastic has obviously happened. He steps into the office to find Dannecker seated casually in his chair, the two prisoners standing before him much as Franke left them; both of them are shaking. Diamant looks positively miserable and humiliated, his eyes wet, while Schindel is actually sobbing. Franke wonders WTF Dannecker could've done to get such a reaction, but all that the commandant does is wave his hand dismissively and say, "Take them both back to the yard and return to your duties, bitte." Franke obeys--neither of them protests--and all goes on as normal.

Until a few days later, that is, when Schindel, unprovoked, knocks Diamant down on his way to morning roll call and starts beating the living s**t out of him with his stick, screaming for him to fight back--which the normally rebellious Diamant refuses to do. Franke, seeing the commotion, hurries over to break it up, only to get hit in the face by Schindel's club; he stumbles back in pain and surprise, and a few other guards hurry to beat Schindel into submission. All three of them--Diamant, Schindel, and Franke--go to the medical building, where Franke scowls and winces the entire time a physician tends to his broken nose; he has to wait a bit for the others to regain consciousness before going to reprimand them. Normally, he'd love the chance to thrash them both personally; yet things between these two and Dannecker are anything but normal, and he does not want to get caught up in a pet project. He's actually dreading when he'll need to inform Dannecker of what happened. So he settles for a harsh verbal rebuke--gritting his teeth at the way the nearby physician's assistants try not to laugh at his stupidly nasal voice--while Schindel and Diamant just sit silently with their heads down. They both quietly say Ja, Herr Sturmbannführer when he demands that they understand, then he dismisses them. He's very cranky and unhappy indeed to have to steel himself to address Dannecker...yet when he delivers the news, Dannecker simply smirks a little and goes on with his day. On the one hand, Franke is immensely relieved not to be punished himself; yet on the other, he wishes more than ever that he knew what's going on. He reminds himself not to meddle in a pet project, treats himself to a hot shower and then a cold pack for his throbbing nose, and retires to bed early.

Franke is too wrapped up in his own annoyances to pay much attention to what's going on in the following days, so he misses a lot of warning signs that Dannecker's project is unraveling. It's not unusual--for Dannecker, at least--when he brings his young stepdaughter Margarethe to visit the camp; he loves lavishing her with attention, including showing her off to the men in the camp--guards and prisoners alike--although they know very well that the teenager is off limits. Now and then Franke cuffs a guard upside the head for eyeing Gret a little too long--"She's a child, you degenerate!"--but he has no similar reaction to Dannecker himself. Very vague but unpleasant rumors circulate that, just as the commandant appeared to have an unseemly relationship of some sort with his mother, the same may be occurring with his stepdaughter. He walks arm-in-arm with her like a couple, fawns over her pretty dresses (which he buys her) and long blond braids (which he likes to run his fingers down), brags to her about his camp and brags to his men about her, and likes putting his arm around her shoulders and drawing her a little too close while murmuring in her ear. Granted, all this could just be proof of a devoted, loving stepfather...just that he has a devoted, loving wife...and three other stepchildren...yet he never brings any of them along for a visit. Gret, for her part, never protests, though she never smiles or otherwise responds, either. Franke decides that if anything is indeed going on, well, he has no proof, and it's nobody's business--he puts it out of his mind. So he misses the fact that Diamant DOES make Gret his business, and even manages to tentatively communicate with her. Schindel, observing this but not wishing to draw unwanted attention back to his contentious history with Diamant, grows fidgety and anxious; Franke simply scolds him to snap out of whatever's wearing on him and do his job. Schindel despises Diamant, yet has nothing against Gret, who's always been polite to him--and he's more afraid of getting drawn back into the pet project than of whatever rebuke he might get for not snitching on some vague behavior. Unlike Franke, he knows something is happening. But he keeps his mouth shut.

The result of Franke's lack of attention is that the culminating event takes him completely by surprise, even though, in retrospect, he could have easily seen the signs he overlooked, were he the retrospective type. One day while Gret is visiting with Dannecker, and Diamant has been set up at a craft station nearby to work on a ring Gret requested from her stepfather as a gift (Franke did at least try to convince Dannecker that giving Diamant temporary privileges might be a bad idea, but was promptly shut down--"My Gret wants the very best ring," Dannecker had said, "and from what I hear that's the one thing this despicable Jew is good at, aside from being a nuisance"), a guard named Delbrück complains about needing a helping hand in a back file room. Franke knows Delbrück, and can barely stand him; he just seems terribly unmotivated for a guard, and despite his job delivering the finishing shot to any prisoners who survive the frequent, messy mass executions--a job absolutely nobody else volunteered for, until Dannecker issued a threat--he's known for inappropriately fraternizing with Schindel, sharing cigarettes with him. This is the main reason Dannecker got fed up enough to relegate him to a file room. Franke attempts to put him off but Delbrück is just obnoxiously passive-aggressive enough to get him fed up as well, and finally he snaps, "Fine! You get along so well with that f**king murdering Jew (Schindel was accused of manslaughter in the death of a ghetto policeman before being brought to the camp, then severely beat and possibly killed another inmate), HE can lend you a hand! How about that, huh?" Delbrück merely shrugs--"Don't think anyone needs to be Aryan to carry file boxes, Kamerad"--so Franke sends off into the back of the building possibly the one person who might notice everything that's currently amiss, a very perplexed Schindel, and retires to his own office to get some much-needed work done.

After some time, another guard peeks in, mentions stopping by Dannecker's office after hearing an odd noise, and talking with Gret, who explained that she accidentally fired her stepfather's gun so he sent her out into the hall for a bit--strange behavior for someone usually so indulgent--so he couldn't deliver some info Dannecker had requested earlier in the day. Gret is well liked by the guards, and she mentioned Dannecker not wanting to be disturbed, so Franke advises the guard to comply and just try again later, so he departs. More time passes, he looks at his watch, thinks Delbrück is taking a bit long with his work--maybe he's even slacking off with that Jew?--so he leaves his office to go check. Walks by Dannecker's office on the way--no sign of Gret, and the door is shut, so he figures they're in there together and he doesn't want to think about it. Pops in on Delbrück and Schindel, sees they're in fact merely sorting through the files, though Schindel seems badly rattled by Franke's sudden appearance, then seems confused when he merely tells them to hurry up and leaves again. As he returns to his office he mulls over the odd reaction; it's almost like Schindel had been expecting something else. He pours himself a drink, tries to put the vaguely uneasy, "not-quite-right" feeling out of his head. A little more time passes.

The guard from before reappears, perplexed looking himself; says he really needs to get that info to Dannecker, but when he gingerly knocked on his door, no one answered. Franke sighs and they head to Dannecker's office. Dannecker can get murderous if bothered while in private, likely even more so if Gret's with him, yet the guard wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't important, and besides, it really HAS been quite a while. They stop before Dannecker's door and Franke tentatively knocks, calls out, "Kamerad Kommandant...?" yet gets no response. Frowns, knocks and calls out louder. Nothing. Casts the guard a frowning look--"See what I mean?" the guard says--then, increasingly flustered, he reaches for his keyring and unlocks the door. The two of them hesitate to enter--"Kamerad Kommandant?--it's Kamerad Franke, coming in"--not knowing what to expect. "Is all well, Kamerad...?" Franke calls, noticing no sign of Gret, and no sign of Diamant either--he should be at his crafting station, working on the ring. "Where's the guard...?" Franke asks, and is informed that as Diamant got closer to finishing the ring, the guards eased off of watching so closely, since it had been so long yet he hadn't tried anything. As they enter Dannecker's office, Franke scowls: "I knew this was foolish! Trusting that Jew! The rat probably ran off with the tools Kamerad Dannecker gave him...I bet that's where he's gotten off to, and if I hear you even mention I said this..." Then Franke trails off when he steps around Dannecker's big desk and sees something on the floor in front of the window opposite. His and the guard's eyes widen--"K--Kamerad!"--and Franke rushes forward, dropping to his knee beside Dannecker's still body.

"Nein, nein, nein!" Franke yells in a panic, shaking Dannecker, but all that happens is his head lolls a little--his eyes are wide and staring at the ceiling as if in surprise, a bullet hole in his forehead and a pool of blood surrounding him. "That Jew! Sound the alarm!" Franke cries, and the guard goes running. Then--Franke gasps, glancing around--"Fräulein Gret?--Fräulein Gret!"--he jumps to his feet and starts searching the office and its adjacent rooms for any sign of the commandant's stepdaughter, but she's missing as well. Obviously the Jew's done something horrible to her.

The wail of the siren starts to sound, and the guard rushes back in. "Have you seen Gret--?" Franke asks; the guard's eyes go wide--"L--last I saw her, she said she'd fired his gun--you think--?" Franke cuts off this suggestion: "That must've been when! Obviously that Jew forced her to cover for him. He must have taken her hostage. How long ago was that?" On learning it's been over an hour, he curses and exits the office, the other guard right behind.

The rest of the camp's been thrown into chaos. Everyone knows the alarm means something bad has happened, but nobody knows what. So of course, a big group of guards is converging around the office, looking for info. Franke, startled to suddenly realize he's the highest in rank now, briefly informs them that Dannecker's been killed, Diamant is gone, and he's taken Gret with him. He orders someone to contact the SS main office to report the incident, instructs someone else to take Dannecker's body to the medical building, then tells the guards in charge of the yard to summon all the prisoners to roll call for a head count. Delbrück and Schindel arrive; Franke attempts to blame Schindel for being negligent, but Delbrück defends him, and Franke is forced to abandon this idea as pointless; he did witness Schindel in the file room himself, after all. He goes outside to see how the head count is going.

Dannecker's camp isn't a huge one, but a regular roll call would be too time consuming; instead, the prisoners have all been ordered to their barracks to stand beside their bunks, and an officer goes through each building, making sure everyone is accounted for. Diamant's bunk is of course empty. The news gets worse, however; the guards start returning with names of other missing prisoners--not just Diamant. In all, fourteen prisoners, plus Gret, are unaccounted for. "How did this happen??" Franke exclaims; the guards in the watchtowers saw nothing amiss. Nobody can explain it, and a handful of guards who've been searching the camp and the buildings don't find anything either--no holes, no tunnels, no openings in the fence, nothing. Diamant, Gret, and the rest have vanished into thin air. The guards dish out a few threats and physical blows but the prisoners have nothing to report, either.

Franke knows a massive scandal is incoming. While he's always longed for a position of authority...he's not sure how to handle it, now that it's suddenly fallen in his lap. It's all a bit much to take in at once. And he starts to see immediately just how shoddy a job Dannecker actually did running his camp. There's an escape route unaccounted for, OR the guards are really just that inept. For Gret to have been kidnapped is simply too awful to countenance. Then, after he instructs someone to release the ID photos of the escapees, along with a portrait of Gret, to the authorities for use in making wanted and missing signs, the guard meekly returns to tell him that, while he's located an appropriate photo of Gret, and the ID pics of thirteen of the inmates, there's no photo of Diamant himself for him to release. Dumbfounded, Franke asks if it's been misplaced. The guard tries not to grimace; no, not that, the photo hasn't gone missing, he says; rather, it looks as if no photo was ever taken of Diamant when he entered the camp...they can't find any photos of him at all. They have no images of the likely escape ringleader to release to the public.

That's it...Franke explodes. "What sort of a camp are we running??" he screams. "How did the fool even remember to put his trousers on every morning?? What is this s**tshow?!" He insists that, starting now, things will be different--with him in charge. He'll fix all the mess Dannecker left behind. A few of the gathered guards blink in surprise--while it's expected that the adjutant should assume temporary emergency control of the camp, it's definitely NOT a given that he will be the new commandant. There's an official process to follow. Yet when somebody tries to remind Franke of this, he screams back at them that drastic times call for drastic measures, and he's the only one suited for the job. "You think you can do so much better?" he demands. "Go ahead! Try! Which one of you thinks you can do so much better than I can! Step forward, I dare you!"

Brief silence; nobody objects, though nobody looks happy either. Franke's about ready to gloat when--unspeakable!--one of the guards, a lieutenant, pushes his way forward. "The rest of you are going to be such p*ssies?" he snaps, then, to Franke: "You know there's a process, Kamerad! You're no better than the rest of us. You want to make it up as you go along, well, fine then, who's to say I couldn't do it just as well as you would?--or better, even!"

A murmur arises--a handful of the other guards start furtively speculating how good a job they might do, who knows. Most of them, however, remain silent, several even taking a step or two back--they've noticed the look creeping up Franke's face, shock at being so spoken to, then the flush entering his cheeks and the murder in his eyes. Franke's barely able to keep himself from shaking with rage as he forces himself to say in as calm a voice as possible, "Herr Schindel! Up front." The kapo immediately appears beside him, cap in hand, head lowered. "J...ja, Herr Sturmbannführer...?" he meekly says, to which Franke replies, "Herr Schindel, use your stick and thrash this man."

A kapo is expected to obey all SS orders...yet Schindel doesn't move. Franke looks at him and sees the fear and confusion on his face.

Schindel: "P...pardon, Herr Sturmbannführer?"

Franke: *hands curling into fists, teeth gritting* "I SAID...take your stick, and beat this man." *Schindel hesitates* *raising voice* "What part of a direct order do you not understand, Jew--?"

Schindel: *stammering* "I...it's...a--a Lagerälteste isn't permitted to lay hands on an SS man, Herr Sturmbannführer--"

Franke: *yelling* "You're disobeying a DIRECT ORDER, Jew--?"

Schindel doesn't move, just stares at him, bewildered and terrified. What he claimed is true, he's not allowed to strike a guard--yet he's not allowed to disregard a guard's order, either. He's literally frozen, not knowing how to react. The other guards start fidgeting and mumbling; if a mere Jew can stand up to Franke, then anyone can. Franke starts to sweat, realizing just how close he is to losing all control of the situation, so he does the only thing he can think of--with a snarl he grabs Schindel's club out of his hand--Schindel jerks back, but doesn't protest--then whirls back around, slamming the cudgel across the guard's face, knocking him down.

Everyone gasps and steps back. The gesture is effective at restoring order--yet suddenly, all thoughts of order flee Franke's mind. A shriek rising in his throat, he launches himself at the guard--all he can see is the horrid disobedience, the gall to question him--and starts slamming Schindel's club down at him over and over. He dimly notices everyone else--guards, kapo, prisoners--shrinking back even further, eyes wide, mouths open--but not only does he not care, he literally CAN'T care, every ounce of reason flees his head and all that's left is blind, irrational rage that anyone would dare to humiliate him like that. Everybody cringes back and watches in stunned disbelief as he beats the s**t out of his fellow SS officer, letting out a bloodcurdling scream the entire time.

"F**k this!" another guard exclaims, turns, and runs to the camp entrance, demanding the guards stationed there to open the gate; they do so, and he goes running from the camp. Nobody else follows him, though a few more retreat, leaving the gruesome scene. The rest stay put, obviously too frightened to leave. Some tiny little voice way in the back of Franke's brain FINALLY asks if maybe he's gone too far, and he abruptly stops his arm in mid-swing, blinking so his vision clears--the other guard is black and blue and bloody and isn't moving. Very briefly, Franke panics again--is he dead, did he just murder a man?--when he notices the guard take in and let out a small breath; he's still alive. For now. Then the fury surges right back, but instead of continuing the beating, Franke hurls the stick at the ground and whirls to face his audience, which recoils a bit. He jerks a hand at the unconscious guard.

"ANYONE who gives him aid or takes him to the medical ward--I'll do the same to you NEXT!" he snarls, turns, and stalks back inside the administration building. And then the real panic sets in. He nearly killed a fellow SS officer. Nearly killed! He saw the looks on everyone else's faces--surely someone will try the same on him next. After all, all it took was a Jew to kill Dannecker. Another guard can easily off him. Consumed by dread all of a sudden, he starts walking briskly, then jogging, then sprinting--having to fight not to cry out in fear, he stumbles into Dannecker's office, slams the door, locks it--sees the huge bloodstain still on the floor, screams, and retreats to the unused living quarters. His fear of being in the same room in which someone was murdered soon fades in the face of the threat of all the living people outside, though, and he forces himself to settle down, though it takes a lot of pacing. He zones in and out a few times, coming to to find himself yelling at the dead commandant, or squatting beside the bloodstain bawling his eyes out, or sitting in Dannecker's chair and admiring his desk, or checking the room with gun drawn just in case there are any murderous Jews hiding. Every time he hears a tentative knock he nearly jumps out of his skin and shrieks to be left alone. Needless to say, it's a very weird and uneasy night. Franke has some bizarre dreams when he dozes off.

The next day, a fresh knock, louder and more authoritative than the rest, comes, along with the call, "Sturmbannführer Franke!"; again he screams for whoever it is to go away. There's a pause, then the same voice yells, "Kamerad Franke! This is Obersturmbannführer Hasso Reinhardt from the administrative office. I order you to open this door immediately!"

Franke blinks, flushes, then hurries to answer the door. In the hallway stands an unfamiliar lieutenant colonel, Schindel beside him, a group of guards and a few Allgemeine-SS officers behind him. They're all staring at him like he's nuts. Franke hastily invites Reinhardt in, and the exchange from his entry takes place.

The lowdown: Yesterday the guard Franke sent away reached the SS main office and reported what had just occurred at the camp (the alarm was widely heard in the vicinity and people were already starting to buzz, though no one knew what was going on, and calls to Dannecker's office went unanswered). Several members of the intelligence unit of the Allgemeine-SS departed for the camp, as investigation of SS-related crimes was under their purview; yet when they attempted to question Franke, he wouldn't answer the door, so they went to examine Dannecker's body in the medical building, not noticing what had happened in the yard. During Franke's rage fit, the other guard fled to SS-TV headquarters to report Franke himself. The situation there was already chaotic with news of Dannecker's death rapidly spreading, yet nobody knew what to do, and it was a while before he got to give his report to anyone. Then quite a while longer--not until the next day--before anyone could be found to go look into things; Reinhardt volunteered as nobody else wanted to, and headed to the camp. Unlike the Allgemeine-SS officers, he immediately noticed the unconscious guard lying on the ground, with Schindel dozing nearby keeping watch; when questioned the kapo confirmed the other guard's story, adding that he'd stayed near the unconscious guard to prevent the other prisoners from killing him. (This whole time, nobody, guards or prisoners, has been working; the entire camp is at a standstill.) Reinhardt effectively dismisses Franke from his self-appointed position as commandant by giving him the choice between resigning (taking a "medical leave"), or facing SS authorities over his bizarre actions. It's not much of a choice, but Franke would far rather leave of his own volition than be subjected to a medical review, so he storms off, frustrated and humilated, vowing that he'll be back.

Well...

Franke gives himself a brief time to stew, then makes a complaint to the SS main office; the Allgemeine-SS refuses to take action, claiming it's a matter for the SS-TV. Ah, bureaucracy. So he complains to the SS-TV main office. They reiterate Reinhardt's stance regarding Franke's aberrant behavior (this characterization REALLY makes him seethe), and while expressing sympathy for his situation, insist there's nothing they can do without subjecting him to a full medical and psychological review, is he really sure he'd want that...? Franke is equally insistent that he's not crazy--but submitting to such a review by the SS is a very iffy prospect, it's all too easy to be declared mentally incompetent--and possibly end up in a camp. Not only that, but even if he passes the review, he almost certainly won't regain his position as commandant. Franke wonders what is the point, then. The SS-TV official is sympathetic but explains that his chances of maintaining his current status in the SS-Totenkopfverbände are practically nil; given his actions toward his fellow guard, without a medical review, he's likely to face punishment. There's literally no way to win, aside from quitting the SS-TV entirely.

Franke nearly loses it at that, throwing up his hands in despair--the SS is all he knows and cares about, what is he supposed to do without it? The official pauses before offering a tentative suggestion...just because he's no longer fit to serve in a position of authority in the camps doesn't mean he has to leave the SS itself. He can merely move sideways...into another branch of the SS. The SS-TV is closely affiliated with the Waffen-SS, he explains; Franke can request a transfer there, into a combat unit. Franke's first reaction is to be aghast--"Fight in the war??" he exclaims; then, "Fight in the war," he says, more subdued, suddenly thinking it over. The official notices his reaction and runs with it: "What better way to work that aggression out of your system, ja, Kamerad--? Kill some communists in service to the Fatherland? We always need fresh troops, well, here's your chance to serve, and keep serving. You'll need a bit more training but other than that you should get in easy, you've already passed all the other requirements." "But I've never been on the front before," Franke protests once more; killing communists sounds appealing--being killed by communists, not so much. Yet the official has a ready answer for that, too: "Kamerad, you must have known this was always a possibility anyway!"--which is true, the Waffen-SS often trades out its wounded troops for healthy SS-TV camp guards. Franke finally decides: He'll transfer into the Waffen-SS and continue his SS career.

He finds out only belatedly that this also entails him accepting a strict demotion, from major to master sergeant. This steams him immensely yet he's forced to accept it, and after the requisite training is accepted into a panzer unit. He's not much of a team player--he'd far rather be in an infantry unit, not in such uncomfortably close quarters with a bunch of other guys--yet aside from that he does relatively well. He often "snaps" and starts raging and screaming whenever he has to plow through something or blow something up, leading to his fellows sometimes referring to him as "Der Berserker"; they've heard the rumors about his dismissal from camp, and are pretty sure he's a little loose in the head, but they shrug it off, such things are par for the course here. It's not the path Franke would've chosen but he fits in it okay.

His new comrades express a bit of concern, though, that sometime he might snap for good, right in the middle of a battle, and that wouldn't be helpful. They invite him out for some entertainment and unwinding. I'm not sure if you've picked up on this but Franke's pretty tightly wound, stiff and formal and a stickler for rules (the main reason he admires the anal-retentive SS); he's rather leery of "entertainment." He accompanies his fellow unit members to a temporary venue that's been set up in a large tent. As soon as the music starts playing, Franke stiffens and realizes he made a mistake coming here--he's been taught to recognize degenerate art, and he knows burlesque music when he hears it. "This is your idea of 'unwinding'?--I should report you right now!" he practically yells at the guy beside him, and pops to his feet, insulted beyond measure to even be here--when the curtains open and the first performer saunters onto the stage. All the angry words die in Franke's throat and his eyes go wide. The busty, statuesque woman who's just stepped out--garish lipstick and rouge and eyeshadow, a bustier it's a wonder she can even breathe in, stockings adorning legs that seem to go on forever, and high heels that could probably kill a man--all the things the Nazi Party despises--is the most astonishingly gorgeous woman he's ever seen.

His companion smirks a bit and elbows him when he slowly sits back down and watches the rest of the show, mesmerized--"Still hate the thought of 'unwinding,' Kamerad...?" he joshes, but Franke is too awed by this utter vision of beauty to even care anymore. He's always followed the party rules and standards, he always figured someday he'd settle down with a nice plain plump Fräulein who'd give him a decent brood of babies, yet those thoughts have evaporated--he realizes that THIS is what he really wants, and he won't be able to settle for anything else. After the show, when everyone's getting ready to return to their units, he starts trying to find a way backstage to talk with the first performer. His companion, learning this, furrows his brow as if this is the weirdest idea ever, then looks vaguely uneasy. "Kamerad, are you sure of this?" he asks; then, when Franke says he is, he grows even more consternated, even grasping Franke's arm: "Kamerad--think a minute." Then, hesitantly--"You do know what she is, ja...?"

Franke shrugs himself loose--"I know what she is! Let me be, I can make up my own mind," he snaps, assuming his companion is shaming her for her career choice. He finally reaches the backstage area where a bouncer-type attempts to stop him, yet the burlesque performer catches sight of him and says to let him in. "I always appreciate a fighting man!" she coos as Franke meekly approaches, and offers him an ear-to-ear smile that makes his heart flutter. "I've never seen you here before, this is your first time...?" The two of them chat briefly, she doing most of the talking since Franke can't find the words; this mystifies him, since he's never been shy about speaking his mind before, yet the most he can offer is awkward stammers. He's disappointed when a worker informs him they have to close up, but the performer just smiles again and, after learning his unit is to head out again soon, suggests he stop by the next night; if he wishes, she can give him a nice sendoff. Franke nearly swallows his tongue at that, and has to quickly leave, though he can hardly believe his luck.

He gets a few odd looks from his comrades when he goes backstage again the next night, this time with a gift: A box of sweets, expensive and hard to find due to wartime rations. He's anxious that she'll find it silly or frivolous since he has no idea what kind of gift a woman like her would want, but she accepts it, exclaiming, "What Fräulein doesn't like sweets?" Franke finds his tongue not quite so tied up this time around, and again they chat a bit; again the worker arrives after a while to shoo him off, but this time, the performer holds up a gloved hand.

Burlesque performer: "Let us be a moment, bitte...?" *worker leaves* *turning to Franke* "Your unit's heading out tomorrow, ja...? Probably will be a while before you catch another rest...?"

Franke: "Ja."

Performer: *tracing a finger over his collar tab* "Going to defend the Fatherland from those horrid communists?"

Franke: "H-hopefully."

Performer: *scoots close* *voice lowered* "Remember when I told you I could give you a nice sending off...?"

Franke: *nervously* "Mm...mm-hm."

Performer: "You do know what I mean by a sendoff, ja...?"

Franke: "I...I hope so."

Performer: *smiles wider & plays with his buttons* "Mm, I can tell you know exactly what I mean." *leans close to whisper* "I have to tell you something, though, since you're new here, just so there's no misunderstanding. My feelings won't be hurt, Liebe, if you change your mind about me sending you off nicely."

Franke: "I won't--I won't change my mind. You're...you're a very lovely woman."

Performer: "You do understand what I do for a living, ja, Liebe...?"

Franke: "Burlesque."

Performer: *brief pause* "Drag burlesque." *long pause; Franke just stares* "You...do know what drag means, ja...?"

Franke: *silence*

Performer: "Just to be sure, Liebe...it means I'm really--"

Franke: *quickly puts his hand out to cover her mouth; she stops speaking* *urgently* "Bitte..." *swallows* "I...I already know. Just...I'd...I'd really prefer if...if you could pretend...you're really a woman...?"

Franke feels utter dread and humiliation just having to say this--not just because of the obvious, the real reason his comrades kept giving him the side-eye--but because his request seems horribly rude, plus he may have just scuttled his evening's plans. There's a painfully awkward pause that feels like it goes on forever yet is surely just a few seconds; then the performer again offers that indulgent smile that makes his heart thud hard. "Liebe," she purrs, "I can pretend to be whatever you want me to be."

Franke's unit heads out the next morning; his fellows who saw him go backstage notice his normally peevish, irritable attitude has rather improved, and when they later on get involved in a fight, he's exceptionally enthusiastic about it, screaming bloody murder as he blows stuff up. He'd told the burlesque performer his nickname, Der Berserker, and she'd had good reason to use it.

This becomes Franke's habit, the motivation he'd been missing in his life. Every time his unit goes on leave he seeks out the nearest entertainment, picks a favorite from among the drag performers, makes his way into "her" good graces by lavishing her with gifts--candies, flowers, jewelry, or anything else she expresses a fondness for--and passes a pleasant night or two in her company. His fellow unit members catch on pretty fast about what exactly is going on, and always wag their eyebrows at each other or even snicker a little and make lewd gestures and whispered jokes ("Which one of them is der Mann and which is die Frau, do you think?")...yet despite the blatant violation of SS rules, they never bother reporting him. It's near the front, rules are bent or broken here all the time (Franke is hardly the first to engage in such behavior), there are bigger things to worry about than who's schtupping whom. As long as he's good at killing Soviets, and is at least moderately discreet, they really don't care what he does in his free time.

And Franke is definitely discreet in that his particular hangup is that he invariably requests his romantic partners pretend they are biological women, because otherwise, it's just too repulsive and shameful for him to think about. Franke isn't eine Schwuchtel, he doesn't like men, that's just perverted and disgusting (in the SS's opinion, which is also his opinion) and anyone who suggests as much will get his fist in their face. His comrades very quickly catch on to this and never bring it up--they've seen how he gets when sufficiently infuriated, and don't want to be on the receiving end of that. So, such goes Franke's second life: Demoted, transferred to a panzer company, sent to fight on the front, passing his days killing Russians and his nights in the company of pretty drag queens. It isn't what he once envisioned his SS career to be--a cushy camp commandant position, a plain plump traditional wife, a litter of good little Aryan kids--but it could definitely be worse. And at least he doesn't have to deal with Dannecker and his pet projects anymore.

Franke's final arc in the story is still heavily under development. I do know that the second phase of Projekt Weltuntergang, the Nazis' experimental program for creating an Aryan supersoldier, moves on from prisoners to German citizens, and the new Projekt Ultima Thule makes use of several of the more elite Waffen-SS units, including Franke's. (I think he's in the same unit as another character who's so far going to remain nameless as a relatively minor character--should I ever get around to posting him on Toyhou.se he'll be "Unnamed SS Panzer Commander" or whatever fits--anyway, I've mentioned this guy briefly before, he's the (likely meth-fueled) guy who regularly gets into foul-mouthed shouting matches with Master Sergeant Schulte whenever they run into each other, then they amicably trade cigarettes and chocolate and whatnot before parting ways.) Although they're voluntarily recruited for the project, they aren't told the ENTIRE truth about what they're getting involved in. The experimental serum, which near the war's end has at last successfully been modified enough to work on all blood types regardless of mutation, is described to the Waffen-SS members as merely something similar to the Pervitin many of them already take. (I'm not sure if Franke uses meth or not; I don't think he does, as he's rather a purist type, though perhaps that's just early on and eventually as the job wears on him he might start taking it, however never to the point he becomes a hopeless addict like Klemper.) They aren't aware, and are deliberately not told, that it's not simply a mood-boosting drug but a highly experimental concoction that alters their physical makeup and whose efficacy and safety are still quite conjectural. (Well...not TOO different from Pervitin, maybe?) Basically they're human guinea pigs, not far removed from the Jews and "mental defectives" the original serum was tested on. They might perhaps have not been so willing to go along had they known this, yet it's late in the war, Germany is beginning to lose the fight, and they desperately need something far stronger than methamphetamine to keep them going. SS officials (and the Wehrmacht as well) decide it's prudent to shield their fighting men from the truth. It can't hurt them...too much.

Franke, unnamed guy, and their fellows are filled in on the situation by a character I've since tentatively decided, despite their previous background/uninvolved status, is actually a very much involved party in all this (there'll be more in that character's upcoming entry); it's a confusing, hazy situation, but this person is such a motivated speaker, and the battle has become so dire, that they hang on every word and immediately after pledge their loyalty to the new project, unaware of its relation to the old. Whatever it takes to save the faltering Reich from the threat of the Red Army. Franke and the others end up going to the Alpine Fortress and make a surprise appearance in the final story; it's possible they're not even aware that by then the Third Reich has already long fallen and they're fighting in a war that ended a year or so previously. An equally perplexed Lt. Hesse, of the Allgemeine-SS, shows up in the Fortress as well, along with Wehrmacht private Konrad Helmstadt; both had been killed in the previous story, then secretly revived with the serum, which has more than one use. While Hesse, who had been questioning his SS loyalties and planning to quit the organization before abruptly deciding to aid the resistance-allied Dobermann family in their escape (a decision that cost him his life), turns on the Reich yet again, Helmstadt remains loyal, and so do the Waffen-SS members; Hesse and the remaining Allies are pitted against them in the last story, and it's quite a jarring situation for everyone involved.

Like I said, this story arc is still being ironed out; although it's certain that Franke and the rest don't survive the final showdown, the specific details of what role they play, and what exactly happens to them, need to be figured out. That's for another day.

[Lars Franke 2023 [‎Friday, ‎June ‎23, ‎2023, ‏‎4:00:15 AM]]

[Lars Franke 2023 2 [‎Friday, ‎June ‎23, ‎2023, ‏‎4:00:26 AM]]

[Lars Franke 2023 3 [‎Friday, ‎June ‎23, ‎2023, ‏‎4:00:36 AM]]

[Lars Franke 2023 4 [‎Friday, ‎June ‎23, ‎2023, ‏‎4:00:47 AM]]

[jessikahathaway]

Baby Talk - Part I

Hellooooo!

I've had this in my WIPs for a while and I wanted to get some of it out so that you all could enjoy it! Let me know what you think and if you want more??? Tag lists are open for all of my ongoing fics so if you want to be added just let me know!

Please enjoy!

Pairing: Jikook X Reader (Jimin X Reader X Jungkook)

Genre: Surrogacy!AU, Polyamorous!AU, Romance. (Future Smut)

Warnings: Medical Procedures, Assault (not descriptive), Profanity. If I forgot anything please let me know!

Words: 11.3k (Phew chill Jess~)

This wasn’t a big deal, you thought to yourself as you signed the paperwork in the clinic.

Just, you know, getting artificially inseminated for money. Nothing weird about that right?

Becoming a surrogate wasn’t something you’d planned on in your life, mainly sticking to your job and working towards a better tomorrow or whatever they say.

You were young, healthy and full of life.

The only thing you lacked, was a full bank account.

The realization hit a little harder than you thought it would. Being a receptionist wasn’t exactly what you’d had planned for your life but, it was simple work and it made you happy.

Going to college wasn’t really ever an option for you anyways. Your parents had died in an accident when you were little, forcing you to go live with your Great Aunt until you turned eighteen. She hadn’t forced you out, but you did leave. Wanting the adventures that life had to offer.

However, you quickly realized that it wasn’t easy pickings out in the world. That’s when the notice came to the door of your apartment that you either paid your late rent in full by the date or you could get your ass out.

Fear trickled down your spine at the thought of being homeless. You briefly thought of going back to your Aunts but, she lived out in the country and the city is where you’d made your home. As much as you cared about her, it just wasn’t going to happen.

That’s when your friend Namjoon and his husband Jim invited you over for dinner.

You were beyond excited, because these two had just had their baby girl Annie.

They had used the local fertility clinic to get a surrogate and had their baby just a month prior. You had been dying to meet the little bundle ever since you heard the news they were having a baby.

God, that kid was going to be spoiled rotten.

Quickly, you had gone over and enjoyed a nice meal with the three of them. Annie still partaking in formula.

You had tried to make conversation, but your eyes kept wandering to Annie and her little hands and feet. You felt a slight clench in your chest at the sight of her round face and sweet eyes.

“Earth to Y/N? You doing alright?” Namjoon’s voice echoed through their lovely, luxe apartment.

“Y-Yeah! Fine, I’m fine,” you smiled.

“You sure?” Jin asked, getting up to take his and Namjoon’s plates to the kitchen.

“Mhmm,” you said, eyes glancing back over at the baby.

“You’re so whipped, Annie has claimed yet another victim,” Namjoon snickered, looking at the blissful gaze your eyes had taken.

“You ever want kids, Y/N?” Jin asked, coming back in with dessert for each of you.

“I guess so, I mean. Just gotta find someone to make the baby with,” you joked half heartedly.

It was no secret among your friends that you were the black sheep. Not dating, not even entertaining the notion of having a significant other. The idea was, honestly, draining.

“Don’t feel like you have to be married to have a kid, Y/N. Single parenthood is just as valid as a couple,” Jin reminded.

“I’m nowhere near financially stable enough to pop out a kid right now,” you sighed.

“No? I thought the job at the hotel was treating you well,” Namjoon said.

“Yes and no, they treat me well. But pay me next to shit... I-I gotta make some quick cash, or I’m gonna be homeless,” you whispered.

“What?!?” The two men shouted, looking at you with heartbreak in their eyes.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell us you were struggling! We could’ve done something!” Jin says, rubbing his face with frustration.

“No-No! It’s fine, I’ll figure it out! I always do,” you encouraged, trying to keep the fear out of your eyes.

“How far behind on rent are you?” Namjoon asked.

“A little under six grand,” you sighed.

“Y/N!” Your two friends looked distraught.

“I don’t understand how a society can function like this, I hate it,” Namjoon said, looking down at his dessert he no longer wanted.

Annie started fussing, kicking her feet and wanting attention.

Jin sighed and got up, taking his beautiful daughter with him. You and Namjoon sat in cold silence for a while. Neither of you willing to talk to the other.

You were too proud for your own good. Even if it meant crashing and burning, you’d do that before you took anyone’s pity.

“How can we help?” Namjoon asked, looking at you with so much worry.

“I really don’t know Joon, there’s no where that’ll give me that kinda money with my credit and... even if they did I couldn’t pay it back anyways,” you sighed.

“Have you thought about going to school for something? Maybe you can get a degree and, I don’t know I’m pulling at straws here,” he said.

“I can’t go to school Joon, with what money? And even worse, I wouldn’t know what to go into,” you said, swallowing down some more wine.

“I wish we could’ve had you surrogate for us. We paid that woman a small fortune. Had I known you were struggling I would, maybe you could’ve done it instead,” he said quietly.

“How much did you pay her?” You asked.

“Around $80,000,” he said, shrugging.

You choked.

“Damn you filthy rich kids,” you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

“That’s it!” Namjoon said.

“Huh?” You asked, looking at him in confusion and despair.

“You can’t be our surrogate, but you could be someone else’s!”

Your body ran cold at the thought.

“I-I don’t know if I could do that Joon,” you said.

“Doesn’t your family have a high chance of twins?” He said, looking at you with a smile.

“I mean, yes but-”

“Say no more. I know a couple that’s been dreaming of a baby. They actually were supposed to meet the woman who wound up being our surrogate. But she decided to go with us. Jimin and Jungkook, they’re really good people Y/N,” Namjoon said, smiling.

“Namjoon, I don’t know if I can have a stranger’s baby!”

“I mean I won’t force you to sign up or anything. But Jungkook and Jimin are really good guys who have been waiting forever to have a baby. They said they wanted twins but, most importantly they wanted a healthy child. How sweet is that!”

You worried your lower lip with your teeth. This was just ridiculous. There’s no way you’d be able to do it. No way.

“Let me show you a picture of them!” Namjoon said, pulling out his phone.

“Joon really-”

Although, before you could argue anymore, you saw their faces.

A smaller, blond man. Whose smile was brighter than any star. And a taller, lean brunette who looked at the camera with a goofy grin.

“Jimin is the blond, Jungkook is the brunette,” Namjoon explained.

“Okay?” You said, trying to calm your racing heart.

They were both handsome. Deathly so, it made your stomach clench in a weird way to look at them. You wondered what kind of babies they would make. If they had that smile Jimin was packing, no one would be safe. That child would get whatever it wanted.

“I’m just saying, it doesn't have to be them but they’ve wanted a baby for so long and... you could help them with that and get a lump sum of cash on the side. Bad a bing bad a boom! No worries!”

It wasn’t such a hard decision in the end.

You needed the money.

So walking into the clinic had this weird sense of finality to it.

The receptionist looked at you with a smile.

“Hello dear, how can I help you?” She said.

“I-uh, wanted to sign up to be a potential surrogate?” You said, wringing your hands together.

“Of course! Did you bring your medical records and things of the like?”

You nodded quickly, handing over the required paperwork. She clicked away on her keyboard and got you all signed up and ready to go. Soon, you were getting your preliminary check up to see if you were able to have children.

Although your period had some irregularities in the past, the doctor’s said it was probably due to stress and the balancing out of hormones. But it would all work out, you were healthy and fertile!

You managed to tell Namjoon that you signed up without him having a full blown heart attack.

“How long until you need to be out of the apartment?” He asked, sipping his coffee.

“I need to be out in three weeks,” you said softly.

“Well shit you’re kinda on a time crunch there sweets, but don’t worry, you can do it! I’ll let Jimin and Jungkook know that you signed up, they’ll want to meet you. I know it,” he said.

“Namjoon, it’s okay. I don’t care who I surrogate for, as long as it’s soon,” you said, trying to keep your heart rate under control.

“Okay, but Y/N, I’m telling you. They’d be the perfect fit for you!” He said.

You said your goodbyes before hanging up the phone. The days to come would be challenging no doubt.

—

You were rather popular at the fertility clinic it seemed, because you’d had three meetings already.

One was a couple that had been trying for years and it just wasn’t happening so they were resorting to a different method. Although for this one they wanted to do an egg implantation. You weren’t sure you wanted to do that.

Another was an older couple who looked like they were just planning on having kids but their own clocks ran out.

But finally, you got one more call from the clinic.

“Miss Y/N, you’ve got another request for a meeting,” the receptionist on the other line said.

“Oh? With whom?” You asked.

“A Mr. Park Jimin and a Mr. Jeon Jungkook, they asked for you personally,” she said, tone light.

You almost spit out your drink.

Th-They had asked for you?

The fertility clinic was big, a huge database of surrogates and people willing to conceive for the right price.

But they had asked to meet you.

Personally.

“Miss Y/N? Still there?” The receptionist asked, sounding far away from you.

“Yes! Yes I’m here,” you said, coughing.

“Wonderful, they said if you were willing they’d like to treat you to a meal, of course I can’t give out your contact information without consent from you but if you’re willing to meet with them we can arrange this.”

You heard yourself agree before even thinking about it.

Soon, you were on your way to the higher end of town. Heading towards a good Korean Barbeque place that was notorious for having the best meat in town.

Walking in you looked around, noticing how luxurious the place was. It made you feel a little out of place to be honest. But, not letting that get to you the host came up and asked for your name.

“Miss Y/N, ah yes. You’re with the Jeon party, lovely. Come right this way,” he said, taking you back into the bowels of the beast it seemed.

Winding through tables and chairs you found yourself in front of a private room. You didn’t want to think about how much this cost, so you simply just let your mind wander to other fun topics.

Such as the fact that you were potentially meeting your surrogate partners.

“Mr. Jeon? Mr. Park? A Miss Y/N is here for you,” the host said, through the door.

“Let her in,” a higher pitched male voice said.

You bit your lip and waited as the door opened. You looked inside and saw a beautiful wooden table, laid out with the finest meats and other various types of noodles and food. Then, there was the other feast, one for your eyes.

Park Jimin was a smaller man, but so incredibly handsome it made your head swirl. His soft blond hair tucked under a beanie as he looked up at you with what could only be called wonder. He looked at you gently, a small smile making its way to his lips.

Jeon Jungkook was a different story. Lean but cut, tiny waist accentuated by his pants. His arms were strong looking and one was covered in tattoos. His hair was pulled away from his face in a precious man bun that made your heart stutter. His eyes were big and glassy, looking at you. As if breathing you in.

“Hi,” you said quietly. “I’m Y/N.”

“We know,” Jimin said with a gentle smile.

“Come, sit down,” Jungkook said, moving a chair out for you to sit.

“Okay,” you agreed, moving to sit down.

“Get whatever you want,” Jimin encouraged, handing you the menu politely.

“Thank you,” you blushed, trying to not faint with his eyes on you like that.

Ordering a few things for yourself the three of you sat there with awkward silence filling the space. Jungkook wouldn’t really look at you and Jimin seemed like he was too nervous to start.

“So,” you said, clearing your throat. “How long have you two been together?” You asked, trying to sound cheerful.

“Five years,” Jungkook said, placing his hand over his glass.

“Oh wow, congratulations,” you said, rubbing your hands on your thighs.

“Thank you,” Jimin breathed.

“Our friend Namjoon said you were kind of in a tight spot and needed some help financially, is this true?” Jungkook asked, finally glancing your way.

“Y-Yeah, I wish he wouldn’t just tell other people that but, no sense in denying the truth. I’m almost six grand behind on rent,” you sighed, rubbing your face.

Both of their faces fell, looking at each other in worry.

“It-It’s okay though! I’ll be okay, I always am,” you said, trying to keep your tone light.

“It’s okay to be scared, Y/N, I would be scared shitless if I were you,” Jungkook said, taking slow drinks from his glass.

“Yeah,” you sighed, trying to avoid the stinging in your eyes.

“What do you do for work?” Jimin asked, trying to keep the conversation from turning to dark.

“I’m a receptionist at the local hotel. It’s not much, but I really like it,” you said, a grin taking place on your face.

“Hey, if you like it then that means something,” Jimin encouraged.

“So, you two want to have a baby?” You said, trying to get down to the topic at hand.

“Yes, more than anything,” Jimin said, a wistful look crossing his face.

“That’s amazing, to love each other that much and want to build a family is... Super important,” you said, meaning every word.

“What does your family do, Y/N? Do they live here in the city?”

You awkwardly rubbed your hands together.

“Um, my Great Aunt lives out in the country. But, my parents and most of my other relatives have passed on,” you said, trying to hide the emotion that came up.

“Oh, so sorry for your loss,” Jungkook said, face pinching.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago,” you whispered.

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” Jimin argued.

“You’re right, but, it’s okay,” you said.

“So, you have a high chance for twins,” Jungkook said, looking at some papers you didn’t notice were on the table.

“Yes, my mother was a twin. It runs way back in my family,” you said.

“Jimin has a good chance of having twins as well,” Jungkook said, gesturing to his loving partner.

“I do I do,” he said with a grin.

“Do you two want a set of twins?” You asked.

“It’s preferred but not necessary. As long as we get a baby, that’s all that matters,” Jungkook said.

Soon, the food was delivered and Jungkook and Jimin insisted on cooking the food for you. Something about not stressing you out too much.

After a full meal, you leaned back and let your head fall comfortably. Jimin and Jungkook exchanged a glance at each other.

‘She’s the one,’ Jimin mouthed.

Jungkook smiled and nodded back.

“Thank you for the meal, I really do appreciate it. I haven’t eaten like that in months,” you said.

“Well, if you want to have our baby, we would gladly provide you with all the food you could want,” Jimin said.

“T-That’s alright, it wouldn’t be necessary-”

“Yes it would, Y/N. If you carry our child that means we’re responsible for you, everything you need or want will be yours. We swear,” Jungkook said.

“Right,” you swallowed thickly.

“Does that make you uncomfortable?” Jimin asked.

“I-I’ve never really been one for dependence on other people. You know? I like to do things myself if I can,” you said.

“Well, we wouldn’t force you to do anything of course but, if you did want or need anything, we would be more than happy to provide you with it,” Jungkook said.

“Thank you, that’s very sweet,” you said.

“You’d be carrying our child,” Jimin said as if it were obvious.

“Of course,” you said softly.

“Hey, if you don’t want to do this then don’t feel pressured. Don’t let money be an object in what you want to do with your life. It’s not healthy,” Jimin said.

“Thank you,” you said again.

“Well, I think it’s time to get going. I know you’ve met with other couples that have no doubt tried to convince you they’re the best option but... I really hope you chose us Y/N. You’d be the perfect surrogate for us,” Jungkook said, looking at you with a softened gaze.

And you knew it too.

You knew they were the couple you wanted to surrogate for, even if it cost you everything. You knew they deserved it. Not that any of the other families you had spoken to didn’t, but, they were the ones for you.

Your fertile window and ovulation were coming up so you had to make a choice and soon.

You’d met with the doctors at the clinic and they said that they were just waiting on you. Whomever you picked would have a meeting with you before the insemination on the rules and what you would have to do in regards to taking care of yourself. And then the money would be yours in full.

Calling the clinic you told them your answer.

“I would like to surrogate for Mr. Jeon and Mr. Park,” you said.

“Alrighty, I will give them a call and set up the appointment for them to get their end of the deal all set up and then we can get you all ready to go!” The receptionist said.

“Okay, thank you so much,” you said before hanging up.

Namjoon and Jin invited you over wanting to hear the news of everything going on with you.

And you couldn’t wait to see Annie again.

“Aw, you’re getting so big!” You said as you were greeted by Annie’s face in Jin’s arms.

“Yes she is!” Jin agreed. The cooing baby leaned forward, moving to capture your hair in her little fist.

You laughed and took her from Jin easily, he didn’t fight you and let you have your time with her. Rocking and bouncing her on your hip while the pair of them talked in the dining room.

Soon, a knocking came to the door.

Confusion swept over you, but regardless, you went to answer the door anyways.

Annie still on your hip, you opened the door to reveal Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook, your new surrogate partners.

Frozen in shock the two of them looked at you as if they were equally confused.

You wondered if the clinic had told them you picked them yet. You had just gotten off the phone with them today, so you weren’t. Jungkook’s face went to you to Annie and then back to you.

“H-Hi?” You whispered.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Jimin asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Came to have dinner with Jinnie and Joon, and Annie of course,” you smiled, raising the little one up on your hip more.

“Oh, did you know we were coming?” Jungkook asked.

“No, I had no idea,” you said.

“Ah! Are those the boys?” Jin’s voice echoed throughout the hall.

“Yes!” You yelled back.

“Let them in Y/N! We invited them over too!” Namjoon said.

“Please come in,” you said, moving out of their way as the couple greeted Jin and Namjoon fondly.

It appeared as though there were no hard feelings in regards to them getting a surrogate they wanted. But, you could see Jungkook’s longing on his face when he looked at Annie in your arms.

“She’s beautiful,” Jimin said, looking down at Annie as you rocked her to sleep.

“Mhmm, gorgeous. She’ll be stealing hearts just like her dads,” you said.

“Hey, Y/N,” Jimin said, keeping his eyes trained on the little one in your arms.

“Did you make your decision yet? It said on your profile that your ovulation window was coming up and I was just curious,” he said quietly.

“I did,” you said.

Jimin’s face fell.

“I see,” he swallowed.

“Jimin-”

“Alright you two, paws off the baby, my turn!” Namjoon said, walking in.

You handed the sleeping baby over without a fuss before you and Jimin both walked out into the living room. Jimin whispered something to Jungkook and his face dropped. But you couldn’t find the words in your mouth. You wanted to tell them you picked them. You moved to talk to them when you felt Jin’s presence behind you.

“Y/N? You alright?” Jin asked, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah.”

It was getting later, and you were feeling sleepy from all the food you’d eaten during the night.

Jimin and Jungkook looked at your sleepy form and their hearts broke all over again.

“I can’t believe she didn’t pick us,” Jungkook said, face betraying how he felt.

“Babe, you can’t force her. I-I thought we had a good chance but,” Jimin sighed.

“I don’t want to keep looking for a surrogate if this is going to happen every time,” Jungkook said, pain coming through in his voice.

“Jungkook you know how badly I want this too right? It’s not just you hurting here,” Jimin said.

“We’ve been trying for two years to find a surrogate and when we find one we want, they always pick someone else. Why? Are we that undesirable? I don’t understand,” Jungkook sighed.

“It’s not that,” Jimin whispered. “Maybe it’s just not our turn yet.”

“When is it gonna be our turn, huh?” Jungkook said. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“We can’t give up,” Jimin said softly. “I don’t want to give up yet.”

“I know baby,” Jungkook said, kissing Jimin’s cheek softly.

You felt your heart pounding in your chest. These poor men were really hurting for a baby. A family to call their own.

Sitting up Jimin and Jungkook looked at you in fear.

“Y/N? Y-You were awake-oh God I’m so sorry you had to hear that-” Jimin said frantically.

“I picked you two,” you said.

Their eyes shot up to meet yours.

Jungkook’s were glossy from unshed tears and Jimin’s were widening by the second.

“You what?”

“I said I picked you two. I want to surrogate for you two,” you explained.

“But-in the nursery you said-” Jimin started.

“I said I had picked someone, I didn’t say who silly,” you smiled.

“Oh thank you Y/N!” Jungkook said, coming over to hold your hand in his.

“You don’t know what this means to us,” Jimin said.

“I know you two want this baby more than anything, I want to give it to you. Honestly, you two have waited long enough,” you said, heart stammering at the look of hope in their eyes.

“You’re perfect Y/N! Seriously!” Jimin cried, holding onto Jungkook for dear life.

“Thank you, you’re very sweet. I’m supposed to go in for the, you know, business end of it on Monday. They said they’d call you tomorrow. I just gave my answer today,” you told them.

“Okay, alright sounds good,” Jungkook said, wiping his eyes furiously.

“You gonna be okay?” You asked, looking at the two of them.

“Of course, more than okay.”

—

Monday creeped up on you quickly, faster than you thought.

You went to the clinic and sat down, getting signed in and everything before you saw Jungkook and Jimin waltz in looking like a million bucks.

Dressed head to toe in designer clothing, you realized you didn’t know what they did for a living. You hadn’t really looked at their profiles all that much. But you knew their baby would have everything they could ever want and more.

Smiling at them and waving, the two of them made their way over to you.

“Hey! What’s going on?” Jimin asked, sitting down in the chair next to you.

“Just waiting,” you said, looking at the pair of them together.

They looked like the traditional power couple. Strong, dependable and handsome to boot. It was kind of overwhelming.

Jungkook was wringing his hands together, biting his lip as he looked around the room.

“You alright Jungkook?”

“Yeah just-”

“Mr. Jeon, Mr. Park and Miss Y/N? The legal assistant will see you now,” a voice from the corner called.

“Let’s go,” you said, standing up and heading towards the back room.

You sat down and the rules of the road were laid out.

If you signed the contract Jimin and Jungkook were the parents of the child. You had no rights unless they said otherwise. You would be given a lump sum of money, transferred into your bank account the day they know you’re pregnant and expecting. If anything happens to the baby such as a miscarriage or something of the like that you had no control over, you would be able to keep the money. But, they would like to try again to see if the next one stuck better.

“So, if you conceive twins, which your likelihood is good, Mr. Jeon and Mr. Park have agreed to pay you double,” you almost choked on your drink.

Double?

“What?” You squeaked out.

“It’s written right here,” the legal assistant said, pointing to the document in her hands.

“Okay,” you said softly, not wanting to make either of them uncomfortable.

“The total of your payment will come to $153,000 dollars,” the legal assistant said. “If you conceive twins.”

Your head swirled.

What would you do with all that money? Jimin and Jungkook looked at you with worry.

“I-Is it not enough? We can give you more if you want-”

“No! No no, that is totally acceptable. More than,” you said.

“Okay, just making sure,” Jimin answered.

“If you would please initial here, Miss Y/N. And then a signature here at the bottom and then you two will also need to sign as well,” she said.

After all the paperwork was done your date for insemination was set.

Jimin and Jungkook looked at you as you walked out of the clinic.

“Hey! Y/N! Hold on,” Jungkook said, walking forward.

“Huh? What is it?” You asked turning around.

Jungkook’s bright eyes blinded you as he gazed into your own. But you kept your breathing steady as you could.

“Do you want a ride home? Jimin and I cleared our schedules so we could be here today, and... Well we don’t want you to get hurt or anything,” he said, pointing to the black suburban.

“Oh, it’s alright I was gonna go to the bookstore and get a few things and then head home but I’ll be fine, no worries,” you smiled.

“We insist, Y/N,” Jimin said, walking forward to take his partner’s hand.

“Um, well... It’s really not that far, I’m sure it’ll be okay,” you said.

“Well, if you’re really sure,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah, but I’ll see you two on Thursday right? That’s when I’m supposed to... Well, you know,” your said, looking down at your feet.

“Of course! If you want us to be there that is,” Jimin said.

“Yes, it’s your baby,” you said.

“Okay, we’ll see you Thursday then,” Jungkook agreed, waving at you before he and Jimin got into the suburban and left.

But you couldn’t help the feeling you had as you watched them drive away.

Sadness.

—

You walked into the clinic Thursday morning, sweat pooling in your palms. You were reaching the end of your wire at your apartment. And you weren’t going to get the money in time. You were worried and didn’t want to bother Namjoon and Jin... So you just kept it to yourself.

You felt the fear and worry eating you up inside as you sat in the waiting room.

The doctor called your name and you headed back towards the room, when someone shouted your name.

Jimin and Jungkook were there, smiling brightly at you.

Your heart eased at seeing the two men, so happy and radiant. Everything you weren’t currently. But, knowing you were giving them something so important really made you feel better. Even if it was just for the time being.

“Oh my gosh, we’re finally getting a baby!” Jimin squeaked.

“Easy, it’s probably not going to happen first try,” you reminded him of what the doctor said.

“Bet I could get you pregnant in one shot,” Jungkook smirked.

“Oh shush Kook. But if you got her pregnant you wouldn’t get those twins you want so badly now would you, butthead,” Jimin said, shoving the younger man around slightly.

You tried to keep yourself from blushing but the redness that twinged your cheeks was there regardless. You were here to get pregnant, that was the end goal of today.

“Alright, Miss Y/N, we’re going to take you back and get you all set and then Mr. Park and Mr. Jeon have said they wanted to take you home after. Is that alright with you?” The doctor asked.

“Yes, that’s fine,” you said.

“Okay, let’s head back then,” Jungkook gave you a gentle smile before Jimin came forward and gave your knuckles a quick kiss.

“Good luck, Y/N,” he said.

“Thanks,” you answered before heading back.

The whole process took around a hour and a half, most of it waiting.

The sensation wasn’t too bad, but you were a little uncomfortable. Everything was super sterile and not how you expected you’d get pregnant, but... It wasn’t your baby at the end of the day. You tried not to wiggle as you laid there, letting Jimin’s seed try to impregnate you.

Finally, the timer went off and you were allowed to leave to go home.

Jimin and Jungkook were sat in the waiting room, chatting with each other excitedly. You knew that this was it, that they were more than perfect for this baby. You were beyond happy you could give it to them.

“Y/N!” Jimin said, walking up to greet you.

“Hey,” you said easily, noticing Jungkook come up behind him.

“We’re here to take you home!” Jimin smiled.

“Thanks guys,” you said softly.

“We brought the car around already so you don’t have to walk too much. Don’t wanna spoil all our hard work,” Jimin said, looking at your tummy with affection.

“Like I said Jimin, it probably won’t happen this time. But you never know, you might have some strong swimmers,” you joked.

“You have no idea, Y/N,” he said, gazing into your eyes for a moment.

Your breath caught in your throat. He looked like an angel wrapped in sin, as if he were so good yet so bad for you. It made your head spin.

Jungkook held the car door open for you and you got in carefully. Jimin sat in the back with you while Jungkook sat up front.

Of course these two had a driver...

Jimin was looking out the window and noticed that they were getting into the sketchier part of town. His worry was eating him alive. He didn’t want the mother of his child staying here! That simply wouldn’t do.

You got out of the car, heading towards your apartment when the landlord approached you. Jungkook and Jimin were still getting out of the car when he exploded at you.

“There’s the little bitch now!” He growled, grabbing your wrist and twisting it painfully.

You yelped, trying not to move so much. It only made it hurt more.

“Let me go!” You said.

“You filthy cunt, you owe me almost six thousand dollars! And you dare to come back here without anything? Huh? Nothing? Where have you been huh? Selling your body to make some cash I bet, that’s what little whore’s like you do right? Fucking pathetic,” he spits at you.

“I-I just need a little more time-” a resounding smack is heard through the parking lot.

Jimin and Jungkook look up to see your head turned sharply to the side and a man gripping your wrist.

Both of the men flew off the handle.

“Let go of her you fucker!” Jungkook yelled, walking forward with purpose.

“Don’t you dare touch her!” Jimin growled, pulling you away from the man.

“Did you fucking hit her?” Jungkook said, looking at your reddened cheek.

“Bitch owes me money, she knows that-”

“Fucker!” Jungkook snarled, grabbing the man by his shirt and lifting him.

“Y/N? Sweetie can you hear me?” Jimin whispered. Your head was swimming with pain and discomfort. Your cheek was screaming at you. But what hurt worse was the embarrassment. They saw it all, that you couldn’t take care of yourself. How on earth were you going to take care of a baby if you got pregnant for nine months? Huh?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, he hurt you. Jungkook put him down and call the cops,” Jimin said.

“I owe him money, I just-”

“You can’t arrest me! You fuckheads, do you know who I am?” He asked.

“Do you know who we are? Hi I’m Jeon Jungkook, heir to the Jeon Law Firm here in the city. You might have heard of us, and she is the mother of my future child and you won’t be putting your hands on her ever again,” Jungkook said.

“I just wanna leave, I don’t... I don’t wanna be here,” you whimpered.

“But Y/N,” Jimin said.

“Can we leave? Please?” You begged, looking up at him with a swollen cheek and glossy eyes. Jimin’s heart broke five times over, seeing you so upset.

“Jungkook, come on. Let’s go,” Jimin said.

“And leave her with this fucking piece of shit? I think not, no we’re going to-Y/N? Are you alright?” Jungkook asked, coming forward and looking at your face with a tenderness you didn’t know was there.

“We’ll take her home with us,” Jimin said easily.

“Okay, yeah. But we’re calling the cops on that dickbag when we get back. I want him arrested for hurting her,” Jungkook said with finality.

“Of course baby,” Jimin said, soothing the younger male.

“Can we just go?” You asked, looking up at them for a moment.

“Yes, of course we can, let’s get you in the car and go back to our place,” Jungkook said, coming forward and getting into the back seat this time. Jimin encouraged you to get inside, so you did, him following shortly thereafter.

“Take us home please,” Jungkook said, shutting the little window between the front of the car and the back.

You sat between the two men, each of them looking out the window and appearing to be deep in thought. You were as well. You hoped this didn’t affect your chances of getting pregnant. You don’t know what you’d do if you couldn’t get this baby. The prospect of so much money on the line, you very future.

Also, you worried for Jungkook and Jimin. You really wanted this to work for their sake too.

They’d been waiting so long.

You were swallowed into the dreamscape of your thoughts. Nothing really getting in or out of your mind. You were just reeling at everything that had happened in less than four hours. You had your first attempt at insemination, went home and got assaulted and now you were heading to the upper end of the city with the two men who wanted you to have a baby for them.

This was all so much to handle.

Finally, the car stopped moving and Jimin quickly ushered you out of the vehicle. You stood there and looked up at the stunning building with a weird sense of fear. It loomed over you, almost intimidatingly so.

Jimin told the driver to go park the car and take the rest of the day off while Jungkook gathered their things from the back. You looked around and noticed that people were staring at you.

No doubt you looked like a sore pink thumb right now. Tear stained and swollen cheeks making you look even more outlandish in the area. But, Jungkook quickly moved everyone inside.

The door man asked who you were and Jimin and Jungkook simply told the truth.

“She’s our surrogate, we’re having her stay with us for a while. If she needs anything, make sure she gets it!” Jimin said.

“Absolutely Mr. Park,” the doorman said.

“Come on Y/N,” Jungkook said, heading towards the elevator.

You followed behind them quickly, getting in the mirrored elevator. Looking at yourself you felt all the anxiety and fear come back. You didn’t belong here, you were wearing a pair of fucked up jeans, a flannel and t-shirt. They were dressed in beautiful clothing, dipped in the finest silks and satins.

You looked like a charity case no doubt.

It made your stomach churn in discomfort. But you kept your mouth shut. You were providing them with a service. And in turn they were paying you. It was a give and take situation. But you couldn’t help but feel as though you were taking more than you were giving.

Jungkook held the door while you and Jimin entered the house. You looked around and the apartment was massive. Bigger than your Aunt’s tiny house in the country. You wondered just how much money these two had.

Soon, Jimin was sitting you down on the couch and tending to your cheek. His heart crumpled when you flinched at his touch. He tried not to take it personally, you were literally just assaulted. But he hoped you weren’t scared of him, or Jungkook.

“Should I call the doctor?” Jungkook asked, coming in and sitting next to Jimin.

“No, she’s just a little swollen, she’ll be alright,” Jimin said, handing you the painkillers and some ice.

“Can she have that?” Jungkook asked, referring to the pain medicine.

“It’s acetaminophen she can have it,” Jimin confirmed.

“Okay,” he said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” Jimin asked, looking at you for any signs of discomfort.

“Not particularly, but I should eat. Especially today,” you said, a weak smile on your face. Jimin nodded, but headed towards the kitchen regardless.

Soon after, a wonderful aroma filled the apartment. But you hadn’t moved from the couch, keeping your eyes trained on the TV Jimin turned on for you. You didn’t particularly want to watch the news, but you weren’t sure on how to work this TV. It made your brain hurt. But, whatever, you kept your eyes on the screen, not looking anywhere in particular.

Jimin soon came out, wearing a smile that must be a signature for him or something. He told you dinner was ready and to follow him. Turning off the TV with a swipe of his finger on the screen you marveled at the technology.

He patted your cheek and brought you into the dining room.

Jungkook was finishing putting the food out when you sat down. He and Jimin were deep in conversation. You picked at your food, eating a few pieces if Jimin put them on your plate. But other than that, you sat unmoving in the corner.

You supposed you were still in shock of what had happened today.

Soon, you felt the distinct cramping in your lower stomach, something you were told is to be expected. Especially if the pregnancy took. Letting out a puff of air, you held your stomach. It wasn’t terrible, but the discomfort had you adjusting in your seat.

Jungkook’s head snapped in your direction, carefully observing you.

“Everything alright? Y/N?” He asked, cocking his head to the side in a cute way.

Forcing a smile you nodded.

“Yeah, just cramping a little bit,” you said, keeping your hands together underneath the table.

“Is it bad?” Jungkook asked, leaning towards you.

“No-ah!” You said, clutching your stomach. It didn’t hurt as much as it caught you off guard. But the two men were beside you in seconds.

“Y/N? Do you want us to call the doctor?”

“Is there something we can get for you? Do you want more pain medicine?”

“N-No, honestly, I’m okay,” you said, giving them each a squeeze to their wrist.

Jimin nodded, standing up and moved to start cleaning up the meal. Jungkook placed a couple more pieces of meat on your plate, asking you to eat them. He thought it could help your cramping, but he mainly just wanted to see you eat something.

Soon, the pair of them had cleaned up the meal and had gathered some clothes for you to wear to bed.

“We’ll pick up some stuff for you to wear tomorrow,” Jungkook said smiling.

“N-No that’s alright I can go back and get my stuff,” you said.

“You’re not going anywhere near that building,” Jimin warned, voice low.

“What? I have to get my stuff-”

“We’ll have someone go collect your things and bring them back here,” Jimin said, careful.

“I can go it’s not a big deal-”

“Y/N, please, just let us take care of this,” Jungkook said, quietly coming over to your side.

You were far too tired to argue. But you already felt like a cat in a cage. So you waved off the disagreement and decided to just head to bed.

The cramping was still there, but not nearly as bad as it had been when you were at the table. Laying down helped, but you felt something in your underwear.

Quickly, you went to the bathroom and noticed some blood in your underwear. Biting your lip, you tried to keep yourself from panicking. Putting them back on you went to living room and found Jimin sitting on the couch, looking tired.

“J-Jimin,” you said quietly.

His head snapped up and he gave you a little smile.

“Yes, Y/N?” He asked, coming towards you. You sighed and ran your hands through your hair.

“I-I was bleeding,” you said, voice straining slightly.

“You were? Where?” He asked, brows furrowing.

“M-My, uh, I found it in my underwear,” you said, breathing in deeply.

“Was it a lot?” He asked, keeping a cool exterior.

“N-No, not a lot but it worried me,” you said, trying to keep yourself from freaking out on him.

“It’s normal to spot a little after the IUI, don’t worry. But tell me if anymore happens. They did just shove a tube up your business,” he said, laughing lightly.

Immediately you were put at ease. Sensing your relief, Jimin patted your shoulder.

“It’s okay to be nervous, we are,” Jimin said, nodding towards the closed door you assumed was to their bedroom.

“Yeah, I’m-I just really want this to work,” you confessed, feeling yourself relax a bit.

“We do too, more than anything,” Jimin answered, giving you a genuine grin.

“I’m glad that the baby will have you two as parents, makes me feel good knowing that they’ll be taken care of,” you smiled back.

Jimin’s face seemed to morph into a look of joy and agony at the same time.

“You’re too sweet, Y/N, honestly. Jungkook and I are beyond excited,” he explained.

“Have you always wanted to be a father?” You asked him, out of the blue. Jimin blushed and looked down at his feet.

“Y-Yeah, ever since I was little I always wanted a family to call my own. And when I met Jungkook I knew it was just meant to be you know? Like, everything just made sense,” he said, a sheepish look taking over his features.

“That’s so sweet,” you gushed.

“It’s the truth,” he shrugged.

“I want someone to look at me the way you look at Jungkook, like I’m their whole world and more. I’ve never been one for dating though,” you said, looking down at the floor, embarrassed.

“No? How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you had?” Jimin asked, not thinking. When the shocked look took over your face he back peddled. “I-I shouldn’t have asked, that doesn’t deem your worth or anything like that-”

“None,” you said, blushing bright red.

Jimin’s face changed.

“Tell me if I’m out of line here, but have you ever, uh... You know, um,” he said, rubbing his hands together.

“Oh? Sex? Yeah, I’ve done it before, but it wasn’t really anything special. I don’t even think I-um... Nevermind,” you said, biting your lip hard.

“You don’t think you what? You didn’t cum?” Jimin said, as if he were shocked.

“No! Now keep your voice down!” You yelped.

Jimin frowned.

“That’s horrible, you deserve better,” Jimin said matter of factly.

“It happens, but, this conversation has gotten away from us,” you said, trying to steer it away from your pathetic sex life and more towards the fact that you both need to go to bed. “I’m tired, had a long day.” You said, rubbing your arms.

“Of course, absolutely! If you need anything or something happens, our room is right here just come get us,” Jimin said.

“Okay, thanks,” you said, turning, but not before you wished him a good night.

Jimin gave you a small smile. “Good night, Y/N, sleep well.”

—

Soon your stuff was all moved into the boys apartment. You questioned when you would be leaving, but the boys said that you didn’t have to worry about departing for the foreseeable future.

They had originally wanted you to live with them if and when they found out you were pregnant, that way they could be there through it all. But, these stages after the insemination could be hard on you and they decided to keep you with them.

You felt like a little kid half the time, but you had to call in to work often because of these appointments. And quickly, they tired of it.

“Y/N, we love you and we want you to pick here to work, but honestly your attendance is a severe issue right now,” your supervisor said over the phone. You called in that day because you just were feeling super exhausted.

You hadn’t told them you’d signed up for a surrogacy. You weren’t sure how that would go over, but, maybe you had to if you wanted to save your job.

“I-I’m calling in all the time because I’m trying to get pregnant,” you said softly.

Laughter came from the other side of the phone.

You were being laughed at.

“Oh my God, Y/N, that’s hilarious! But seriously, I have to put you on a two week suspension without pay because-”

“Dawn, I'm serious. I signed up with the fertility clinic and I’m currently trying to become a surrogate for a lovely couple,” you said, honestly.

“Y/N, why did you sign up for that? As far as any of us knew, you weren’t that into kids,” Dawn said over the phone.

“I-I like kids, but the baby won’t be mine to keep. The couple gets to keep them once they are born. I lose all rights as a parent,” you explained.

“That’s kinda cruel... Let you carry the baby for nine months then force you to leave them. I don’t know if I could do that,” she said.

“I-It’s the way it is,” you said. “But I need to have the day off, I have an appointment at the clinic.”

“Y/N, would it be easier if we just let you quit?” Dawn said.

“What?!” You shrieked into the phone.

“Well, it’s a delicate time and we'd have you working on your feet for long hours. I don’t want anything to happen to you or your baby,” she said, sounding sad.

“But I don’t wanna leave you guys,” you whimpered.

“Well, once the little tike is born come back. We’ll hire you back, I promise. If you want to come back,” she offered.

“Y-You’ll really let me come back?” You said, biting your lip.

It would be nice to just focus on the pregnancy and helping Jungkook and Jimin. If you had the option, maybe it would be better to take her advice and go back when you were ready. Hopefully they don’t screw you over.

“Of course we will! We love you! But, right now isn’t the best time for you to be working. Focus on you and your little bundle okay? We’ll be waiting,” she said.

“Oh thank you Dawn! I love you guys too!”

After a little tears ‘see you later’, you hung up.

Soon, a soft knock came to your door. Looking up you saw Jungkook there, dressed to the nines looking at you. Raising a brow you assessed the situation.

“What’s up?” You said, setting your phone down to give him your undivided attention.

“I was wondering if you needed a ride to work, you’re already an hour late,” he said, pointing to the clock on your wall.

“Oh, about that,” you said, rubbing your hands together.

“Did something happen? Did they fire you for being our surrogate? Oh just let me make one phone call, that’s illegal! I’m a lawyer, let me talk some sense into them!” Jungkook said, turning to walk out.

“No, Jungkook! It’s fine, they told me to take the time off. To spend time focusing on myself and to take care of the baby,” you explained. “My job will be there when I’m ready to return.”

Jungkook stopped and looked at you. His features softened before nodding.

“Okay, but if they try to tell you you can’t go back when you’re ready, you just tell me. I won’t let anyone disrespect or lie to you,” he said, a stern look on his face.

“Thanks Jungkook, that means a lot,” you said, giving a smile.

“There’s food in the fridge, all you have to do is heat it up. You have the house to yourself so, do whatever you want,” Jungkook said, waving before walking out of your room.

You sat there for a minute, really mulling over what you wanted to do. Honestly, you were so sore and tired you just wanted to fall back asleep. But you decided that it was better to get up and do some activity. Hopefully that would be okay.

It had been about ten days since your IUI appointment and you were mainly just tired. Although fatigue was a symptom of an attachment. But that was the only symptom you were having, you were meant to test in a couple days to see if you were pregnant, but something had you worried.

If you weren’t pregnant, you’d have to wait a whole other month. They did tell you that sometimes it took multiple tries to successfully impregnate someone. But you really wanted this to work, you just wanted to get this going.

That way Jimin and Jungkook could have their baby already.

You knew they’d be amazing fathers, already with their dutiful actions towards you. So willing to do whatever you asked, but you tried your best not to pester them too much. You tried to make it as though you weren’t even there. But they insisted you join them for dinner so they could make sure you were eating well.

For your day you mainly just puttered around the house, picking up and doing little things that wouldn’t aggravate you. So, you settled down with a book in your hands and soft music playing in the background.

That’s how Jimin and Jungkook found you when they came home. Curled up on the couch with a novel between your fingers. Jimin smiled softly, looking at the picturesque scene.

“Do you think she’s pregnant?” Jungkook asked, looking at his boyfriend with apprehension.

“I hope so,” Jimin answered.

“She’s really tired lately, sleeping late and going to bed early. That’s a sign, right?” Jungkook said.

“It is, but that’s also a sign of a woman’s period coming up,” Jimin warned.

“Damn...” Jungkook said, rubbing his face.

“But I don’t know, she’s due to test soon so, we might have our baby,” Jimin soothed.

You looked up from your book, noticing the pair in the entryway. Giving them a shy smile, you waved, nose getting buried back in the book. Jimin laughed lightly, heading towards the kitchen.

The two cooked dinner, making something easy to digest. Your stomach was on the fritz yesterday so they want to make sure they don’t upset your sensitive tummy. But, as Jimin looked out at you reading on the couch, a blanket draped along your lap. He couldn’t help but love the domesticity of it all. You looked at peace, in your element and comfortable.

Jimin hoped it would stay that way. With you, comfy and cared for.

Jungkook rushed past with the boiling soup in his hands, moving quick like a little kid to set the table for you all. Jimin just laughed, smacking his butt when he came back.

“Hey! Paws off,” Jungkook pouted.

“Hmm? That’s not what you were saying the other night,” Jimin laughed at the scandalized look on Jungkook’s face. “I’m kidding, come on go get Y/N so we can eat.”

Jungkook went to gather you from the living room and was met with an unusual sight. You passed out, wrapped in the blanket with your book on the floor.

He smiled, moving towards you slowly. He placed a soft hand on your head, patting your hair gently. Your eyes opened slowly, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. Jungkook helped you up, leading you to the dining room.

The meal was quiet, Jungkook and Jimin making small talk with you, but mostly you were just eating peacefully.

You ate well and leaned back, as you tended to do when you were full and let out a huff. Jimin repressed the smile on his face with the back of his hand. Jungkook smiled openly, looking at your sleepy form.

Sitting back up you took a few more swallows of water before you stood up and thanked them for the meal and headed towards your room.

Jungkook and Jimin watched you go, each having a weird tightening in their chest at the sight of your swaying hips.

—

You had finally reached the two week mark.

Time to test.

Jimin and Jungkook went with you, driving you to the clinic for your appointment at the ass crack of dawn it felt like.

Jimin was chatting excitedly in the front seat with Jungkook. You could see the looks of love on their faces as they talked about their future with their child. It made butterflies rise in your stomach.

Quickly smacking your cheeks, you tried to forget the sensation of hope building in your belly.

Soon you were all at the clinic, Jimin helping you out of the car. The two men walked on either side of you, making sure everyone knew who you were here with. It made you feel protected, watched over.

Important.

After all the paperwork was done for the visit, Jungkook and Jimin sat down next to you. They interlocked their hands, smiling brightly at each other. You locked your hands together and looked down at them.

“Miss Y/N? Mr. Park and Mr. Jeon? Are you all ready?” A nurse called and you all headed back to a secluded room, a few chairs and the like ready. You saw the needles and everything set up and you swallowed hard.

You hated needles, with a passion.

But you’d done it before, so you’d do it again.

“Y/N? You okay?” Jungkook asked, looking at your paling face.

“Y-yeah, nervous around needles,” you confessed.

“Oh, do you want some water or something?”

“No I’m okay,” you encouraged.

“If you’re sure,” Jungkook said, looking like he wanted to do more...

“Alright! We’re gonna take some blood and a urine sample, so if you two would just wait outside for a moment while we get her changed, then you can come back in if you want,” the nurse explained.

You got changed and hopped up on the table.

They asked a bunch of questions, all fairly standard. Then they brought out the needles. Jimin saw you flinch when the packaging came off and you saw the syringe come closer.

“Hang on,” Jimin said, standing up.

The nurse stopped and looked up in confusion, that’s when Jimin took your hand in his and squeezed.

“You can hold my hand while they take your blood okay? Just squeeze if you need to,” he said, looking at your face for any signs of resistance.

You bit your lip and nodded.

The nurse took your blood quickly, getting a few vials full. Jungkook watched as his boyfriend held your hand the whole time, keeping you calm and at ease.

He hoped with everything he was that this had worked.

God, he wanted it to work so bad.

Soon, the two men were being ushered out of the room so you could do your urine sample.

After everything was done and over with, you got dressed and went to the waiting room. Jimin and Jungkook stood up when they saw you, waving you over to sit with them.

All three of you waited with baited breath as they ran the tests. They kept asking if you wanted anything, water, juice or something to eat. But you politely declined. Knowing if you put anything in your body right now you’d puke it up immediately with how nervous you were for the results.

They said it shouldn’t take too long.

It had been about an hour when a nurse popped her head out, signaling for all three of you to come back.

“Dr. Heinz will see you now,” she said, giving you all a small smile before leading you down the hallway towards the offices.

Shortly, you were sat on a comfortable sofa with Jungkook and Jimin in front of you. Jungkook and Jimin were holding onto each other so tight you feared for their circulation. But, Dr. Heinz was quick to get to the point.

“Well, I want to say, congratulations, Mr. Jeon and Mr. Park... Y/N is pregnant,” he said, talking like you weren’t in the room.

“Oh my God!” Jungkook shouted, standing up and hugging Jimin to him tightly. They kissed several times, tears falling freely down the new father’s faces. Dr. Heinz let them have their moment, smiling at the happy couple. You looked down at your stomach and bit your lip.

So this was really happening...

“Jungkook, I love you,” Jimin said, holding onto his boyfriend tightly.

“I love you too babe, I love you too,” Jungkook affirmed.

“Okay we do have to discuss her health however,” Dr. Heinz said, having the men sit down quickly.

“Is she alright?” Jimin said, looking at you with worry written all over his features.

“She’s at a very fragile point in the pregnancy. IUI can be tricky so we need to be very careful with what happens next. I don’t want her doing anything strenuous. Especially with the lower body until we can get her in for an ultrasound. Her uterus looked good on her preliminary but getting pregnant can really affect a woman’s body, so we need to take all the precautions,” Dr. Heinz explained.

“But is she going to be okay?” Jungkook asked, placing a gentle hand on yours.

You looked at his big hand covering yours, blinking slowly.

“I’m worried about her low white blood cell count. That makes her more susceptible to colds and infections, so you need to be very careful. Her red blood cell count was also low, showing early signs of anemia. So lots of red meat and protein to help keep her levels up. Although the anemia will be aggravated by the pregnancy, so make sure she doesn’t stand up too fast or tax herself too much,” he said.

“I am right here,” you said, glaring at the doctor.

“Sorry Miss Y/N, they’re the parents in this situation. I want them to be informed of your situation,” Dr. Heinz said bluntly.

“There are four of us in this room, I’ll remind you of that. Don’t talk like I’m not here please,” you said, folding your hands and crossing your legs.

Jimin almost burst out laughing.

Damn you were feisty!

He really liked that...

“I-I apologize, Miss Y/N,” he said, swallowing quickly before continuing on. “Also, you’re going to start having more symptoms than the fatigue you mentioned. Morning sickness is extremely common and expected, although every woman is different. Headaches, dizziness and blurred vision are also to be noted. Even some spotting can happen, but please do tell us if you’re spotting or bleeding. Now, do any of you have questions?” The doctor asked, looking at the boys and you.

“Is there any way to know if we are expecting, more than one?” Jimin asked, looking down at your stomach with pure adoration on his face.

“We won’t really know until she’s further along. Quite a bit further actually. But for now, enjoy this. Enjoy the early stages, it’ll be tough but you can pull through. I wish you all the best of luck,” Dr. Heinz said, handing some paperwork over to Jungkook before the three of you stood up and headed out.

Jimin and Jungkook were so excited, chatting with each other about if they were having twins. If the baby was a boy or girl. You were in the car, hands folded in your lap while you looked out the window.

Honestly, you were scared out of your mind.

The doctor had mentioned this was a really fragile part of the pregnancy. That you’d have to be careful, not to mention it was important for your own health as well. If something happened to the baby, something could happen to you and vice versa.

Jungkook insisted on taking everyone out for dinner.

This was a big occasion after all.

Sitting down in the very resturant you all had your first meal in, felt kinda surreal.

Now, you were pregnant with their baby. It felt kinda full circle.

Jimin and Jungkook insisted on getting whatever you wanted. But you weren’t terribly hungry yet, maybe it was the nerves of the whole day catching up. But you ordered a few things, making sure to eat. You knew it made them happy when you did, because it showed you cared about your body and the life growing inside of you.

Jungkook was drinking, a lot if you were being honest. Jimin just watched him as his cheeks flushed red as he continued to talk animatedly at the two of you. Smiling, you filled up Jungkook’s water before urging him to drink some.

“Thanks youuu,” he said, beaming at you.

“You’re welcome, but drink up okay?” You said, gesturing towards the glass.

He did as you asked, drinking all the water. You sighed in relief, knowing at least he’d be hydrated when he went to bed.

“Well, guess you aren’t driving you big lug,” Jimin laughed as he hauled Jungkook out of the restaurant a while later.

“Mmm, we’re having a baby baby!” Jungkook cooed at Jimin, holding his cheeks in between his hands.

“Mhmm, yes we are. Now get in the back with Y/N, okay?” Jimin said, opening the back and helping his very tipsy boyfriend inside. You were about to climb in when Jimin placed his hands on your hips, causing you to jolt so hard you smacked your head on the roof of the car.

“Ow, fuck,” you said, holding your head tightly.

“Y/N!” Jimin yelped. Jungkook’s head popped up.

“What happened?” He asked, looking at you with bleary eyes.

“I just smacked my head, I’m alright,” you said, rubbing your head gingerly.

“Can I take a look?” Jimin asked, biting his plump lips harshly.

“Y-yeah,” you said, leaning towards him.

Jimin’s gentle hands on your scalp proved to be dangerous. Because now, you wanted him to touch you here all the time. Combing his fingers through your hair. Massaging the tender flesh there.

“Well, you aren’t bleeding, but you’ll have a massive bump for a few days no doubt,” he reasoned.

“She’s gonna have a massive bump here soon too!” Jungkook cheered happily, pointing at your stomach.

“Jungkook, enough,” Jimin warned.

Grumbling to himself, Jungkook backed off.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jimin asked. You nodded, already feeling the throbbing in the base of your skull starting.

“I’ll take a few pain killers when we get back,” you said.

“Okay,” Jimin said, running his hand from your head down to cradle your cheek in his palm. You’re cheeks heated up at the feeling of his skin on yours, but shortly he was retreating to the front of the car.

Soon, you were underway.

Jimin turned on the radio quietly, driving carefully around town.

Jungkook had managed to fall asleep against the window. When suddenly, the car was jerking to the side. Jimin laid on the horn, yelling a couple explicit words out the window. But, Jungkook’s body had already fallen into your lap.

His head rested comfortably against your thighs, arms draping across your legs. Jungkook continued to sleep peacefully while you inspected him. He had a beautiful nose, button like and slotting perfectly along with his already perfect features. His plush lips pouting as he slept. Your eyes widened at him, heart hammering in your chest as you gazed down at him.

He was incredibly handsome.

But, you knew his personality too. He was kind, but strong and sure of himself. He had an air of confidence that was almost infectious. But he also had a childish nature about him. Not immature, but there was something about the wonder in his eyes when he tried something new. Or the nostalgia that ran through him when he ate his favorite food or, just the sparkle in his eyes when Jimin came home.

You, as if possessed, took your hand and ran your fingers through his soft black hair. He groaned in his sleep, gripping your legs tighter. You continued to run your fingers through his hair, watching his face for any signs of discomfort.

Jimin looked in the rearview mirror and saw you stroking Jungkook’s head with a gentle hand. His heart thudded dangerously in his chest. You were so caring and tender, everything you did had purpose behind it.

Jimin felt relief flood him at the idea of you being the mother of he and Jungkook’s child. Technically just Jimin’s but Jungkook was also the father but he didn’t get any genetics in this one.

This one...

Did Jimin want to have more children?

You just got the announcement today and he was already giddy at the prospect of you growing large with his child. But confusion swept through him. Was this just because he was grateful to you? Or was it something more?

Looking at you and Jungkook in the back, he thinks he might already know the answer.

[my-darling-boy]

Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

[animeomegas]

Omega!BNHA boys - easiest to hardest labours

Anon: who has the easiest or the most difficult time giving birth for the BNHA boys?

and

Anon:  Which BNHA boys had the easiest/hardest births?

(Okay, the people have asked and so I have delivered. I do think that Dabi, Shouto and Aizawa probably wouldn’t have any pups, but I also don’t think they’re so against getting pregnant as someone like Kakashi. Therefore, while I will never write pregnant Kakashi, I’m happy to write pregnant Dabi, Shouto and Aizawa. I picked the characters to include based on who I had ideas for. Enjoy~) 

Warnings: Fairly graphic labour depictions (Nothing crazy but some specific stuff), blood mentions, mentions of epidurals, mentions of near death experiences. 

1.    Hitoshi Shinsou – He has difficulties whilst pregnant, but as far as the actual labour goes, Shinsou has the easiest time ever. Even his first pregnancy was super easy, and with every consecutive pregnancy (Shinsou has four pregnancies and five children in total) it just gets faster and simpler. None of his labours last more than five hours. He’s the poster boy for ‘Doctors and other omegas hate him’.  

2.    Izuku Midoriya – Firstly, this boy has the most insane pain tolerance ever, so that certainly helps him during labour. Basically, the whole thing is simple for him. He has you and his mother with him for support, and everything goes completely as planned. It’s not easy, but it’s certainly easier than most omegas find it.

3.    Katsuki Bakugou– His is much the same as Izuku’s. Simple and easier than most omegas find it. He’s only slightly lower down because his pain tolerance isn’t quite as high, and Katsuki had twins which made it slightly more complicated. However, he made sure that everyone else’s experience was as hard as possible. The doctors and midwives will certainly remember Bakugou, let’s just say that.

4.    Eijrio Kirishima – His labour is very normal and average. He definitely decides to go for a natural birth, because he’s definitely man enough to handle it without pain medication. Spolier alert, he caves and gets an epidural. That definitely makes the first part of the labour more difficult. He handles the whole thing very well though, but he’s got a strong grip so his alpha’s hand may be a little sore.

5.    Denki Kaminari – Denki’s labour is also normal, but his pup is very large and Denki tears pretty badly. Kaminari can’t walk very well when he leaves the hospital and has to use a wheelchair for a little while. He’s very adorable though, because he invites all his friends over and lets them into the hospital room one by one, as long as the doctors are cool with it. He tries to keep up a cheerful attitude the whole time, and he gets very, very loud while he’s pushing. He also definitely gives his alpha some nasty electric shocks if they don’t wear some heavy-duty rubber gloves. Kaminari can’t walk very well when he leaves the hospital and has to use a wheelchair for a little while.

6.    Fumikage Tokoyami – His labour is exhausting, in every sense of the word. It’s lasts 24 hours in total, and he gives birth to triplets. Three babies and an entire day of labour. No wonder he’s exhausted. By the end, he’s constantly saying that he can’t do it anymore, and when the labour is finished, he’s only awake long enough to glance at his babies before collapsing. It’s tough for him.

7.    Dabi – This is where things start to shift into more difficult labours. His labour is also in the normal range, but he doesn’t have access to medicine in the same way as the people above him on the list. He has to deal with it with only his alpha and a sketchy medic who could probably stitch him up but had never delivered a pup before. He doesn’t get proper post-natal care, so it takes him a while to recover, but ultimately, he’s okay. Honestly, everyone else in the room is in just as much danger as him because he really loses control of his fire. If his alpha doesn’t have a quirk that can counter him, they might have to leave the room at certain points.

8.    Shouto Todoroki – He has to have a c-section because his hips aren’t wide enough because of the suppressant abuse he endured during puberty. Shouto is pretty terrified of being drugged with pain meds because it freaks him out to be so vulnerable around so many people. His alpha needs to make sure he can see them at all times while he’s having his operation because he needs to be kept calm. Shouto needs quite a bit of time to recover too, because his job is so physically demanding that he can’t return until he’s fully healed. He’s not very happy about that.

9.    Shouta Aizawa – Shouta has a really tough time in labour, particularly after his pup is already out. He haemorrhages badly. His alpha actually gets shoved into the corner of the room with how many doctors flood to the room to treat Shouta. It’s definitely very nerve-wracking for a few hours, but Shouta is okay in the end. Very tired, but okay. It’s a huge relief, although you definitely have to constantly stop Shouta from overworking himself while he’s still recovering.

10.   Toshinori Yagi - His labour is very high risk from the get go. He has a significant injury, he’s very underweight and he’s in his late forties. It was just red flag after red flag, but he was desperate for a family now that he had finally retired and he wouldn’t stop until he had achieved his dream. So, he gives birth at a private hospital with a whole army of doctors to help him. His blood pressure sky rockets, and he has issues with blood loss. The pup is thankfully very healthy, if a little underweight, but Toshi is in a bad state. He’s pretty distressed through the whole thing, and relies on his alpha to calm him down and support him as much as they can. It takes him a long time to recover, but he treats the recovery seriously now that he’s retired and it goes well. 

11.  Tomura Shigaraki – If he had better medical attention, he wouldn’t be right at the bottom of this list. His labour is complicated. His pup is in breech and gets tangled in the umbilical cord, which is not immediately clear because he couldn’t go to a hospital. He managed to kidnap a doctor after he found out that he was pregnant, offering to let him go once he delivered the baby, but the doctor was still lacking enough equipment to properly help him. He had to go the hospital in the end, covering his face and hiding his identity, relying heavily on his alpha to get him there and protect his identity. He was in such a dire condition that the doctors treated him first and asked questions later, the second he was awake and vaguely stable, you both grabbed your pup and broke out of the hospital. It was a disaster and both Tomura and his pup almost died multiple times.

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader

As you all can see, I got carried away just a little with this one. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but I'm planning at least part two, since this part got soooo long.

Anyway!

I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. Sorry for any grammatical errors, as well as any confusion with syntax. English isn't my native but I always try my best! Constructive criticism is always welcomed.

Please, pay attention to the warnings. If you are uncomfortable with any of the topics, simply do not read.

I pictured here Aro from the films (as Michael Sheen is perfect for this part), Caius from the films (maybe a little bit older) and Marcus from the films but his younger self (maybe 20?). Also, I wrote at one point that [Y/N] has blonde hair and blue eyes but it just helped me with the descriptions. Obviously, you can picture characters according to your wishes.

Warnings: Rape (graphic description!), Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 7816 (!)

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings' mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

You thought that the death of your parents was enough to break you. As they say, if you’re not willing to bend, you’ll break. And you did. After all.

Ever since you’ve been born, everything went downhill. You were a weak child and within your first five years of life, you’ve gone through countless surgeries. Something was terribly wrong with your spine and the doctors were worried that you wouldn't be able to move normally.

You got your ‘happily ever after’. After fourteen surgeries and taking more than a dozen medications, you could be considered healthy. It made you remember the better part of your childhood. At this point, you couldn’t even recall constant visits at hospital or ingesting enormous amount of drugs.

What you could recall, was the agony that your mom went through while dying of pancreatic cancer. You tried to help her but there was literally no help available. Sure, chemo did help, but only a little tiniest bit. When someone got this type of cancer, there was only one way to die. It was neither pretty, nor pleasant.

So your mother died when you were sixteen. Your father followed shortly after her. He suffered from severe depression after your mother’s passing, but it was the car accident that got him killed. You were just before your graduation.

You’ve finished school and tried to go on. It wasn’t exactly an easy path to follow. You had the feeling that fate had made you its whore and the devil knows his jokes. Somehow, you got through college. You used the money from your dad's insurance policy entirely for your education. It was the only thing you could do to secure your future.

At 22, you got a job at the same hospital where doctor Cullen worked. You were a nurse on the paediatrics ward, but the hospital in Forks was so small that you often found yourself working with doctor Cullen. He was always kind to you and exuded a fatherly warmth. However, like everyone from Cullen family, he was slightly withdrawn from all conversations and social activities.

You noticed a slight change in his behaviour when your best friend, Bella, started dating with the doctor's youngest son, Edward. Carlisle has been talking to you more and more. The conversations weren't long – more like short exchanges of words, whether about his family’s well-being or any leisure activities both of you devoted yourselves after work. Nevertheless, you started calling each other by the others’ given name.

You met with Bella on average once a week. Sure, you were four years older than her, but the age difference never was a problem. You always got along well, and age had nothing to do with it. With time, you've watched Bella thrive during her relationship with Edward and you've enjoyed her happiness. Your relationship had loosened a little, but you didn't hold it against her. With Forks being so small, you could easily meet Bella on the street or in a shop and talk to her about silly things or this boyfriend of hers. It made her blush furiously every time you brought up the topic, especially if Edward waited nearby.

And then, just like that, something snapped. Of course, you heard about their huge quarrel about god knows what, and that Bella wanted to make herself scarce immediately. Charlie called you that night if , by any chance, you could talk some sense into her. Bella not once picked up her phone and then she got her stupid ass into the hospital. And magically reconciled with Edward. That’s when you started to be suspicious. Something wasn’t right about this situation, at all, but you let it be.

Time passed and even though you liked Carlisle as a colleague, you became gradually suspicious about him and his family. Things that you noticed were little, almost insignificant, but something told you that there’s more than meets the eye. Bella herself began to limit contact with you, mainly due to her lack of time for Edward. But when you did get a chance to meet and talk, the subject of Edward still came to the surface.

You tried to understand your friend, while not understanding her at all. You also were in love once but your mother's illness and then your father's death took too much of a toll on you, to experience your first love in such an intense way. It was incomprehensible to you, how Bella could lose her head so much for this boy. And yet you tried, tried to be there when Bella needed you the most. Simply because you were a good friend and also because you needed a friend.

You were left alone, out in this world, with no one to care about and no one to love. Only Bella, as present and, most importantly, alive person, connected you with your childhood and good memories from that time. She was the only one left. You considered her your family and you didn’t want to lose her too. Not after all you’ve been through.

At the day of her birthday, you saw her quickly after her school. You gave her a small gift and you both agreed to meet a day later because Edward's family had invited her to stay at their place. After that birthday, everything changed. The next day Bella went missing. You went to her house exactly as agreed and Charlie said she had been gone for a few hours.

When Bella was found later that evening by Sam, Charlie's colleague, everything became frighteningly clear. The Cullens had moved out of town. Apparently, Carlisle had gotten a lucrative job somewhere else. That didn't surprise you, he was a really great doctor. But how could he not mention a word of it to you? Not that you were so close to him but you considered him a good comrade of yours and moving out of town like this, without a word… It seemed extremely strange to you.

The months that followed were very similar. Bella fell into a deep depression and apathy. You came to visit her, but during these visits it was mainly you who talked. You talked about work, about your next qualification course and about the anniversary of your mum's death. Bella mostly remained silent. Charlie confirmed that, yes, she did go to school, but apart from that, she sat in her room all day and stared at the window.

You knew from Charlie that she was slowly trying to reconnect with her friends. And that she was spending a lot of time with that boy from the reservation. You were happy because it meant that your friend was slowly coming back to life. Maybe not back to normal, not yet, but at least she was trying. And you were trying too. To be a good friend, a good sister to her.

You started talking more during your visits at her house. Unlike before, the subject of Edward didn't exist. It was as if he had never existed. So you did not mention him at all. Bella was healing, slowly, just as you were, when both of your parents died. She was there for you, even if you could only talk to her on the phone because, at that time, she permanently lived with Renee.

For the first time in several months, you hoped that things would somehow work out. In your life, the moments when you were truly happy never lasted long. It was the same this time. One day, you went to Port Angeles to buy new clothes for work. Yours were still from your university days, worn out, but not so long ago you were short of money and preferred to spend it on other things rather than buying new clothes.

By the time you got back to your car it was pretty late. The car park was deserted. On your way to the car, a man accosted you and, before you knew it, he had hit you on the head with something heavy. When you woke up, you were in a squalid alley. The man was pressing you against a wall with all his strength. You only realised what he was going to do, when you felt a cool breeze brush against your bare legs. Your trousers and underwear were almost at your ankles. You started to squirm, trying to free yourself from his iron grip. You heard his quiet giggle next to your ear.

"Don't resist angel, I’ll be quick," he whispered in your ear, pawing at your breasts with his left hand. You felt sick to your stomach. He had hideous breath, as if he had been drinking for three days, then puked and drank again. You started to jerk harder, to pull away, but it only caused you pain. He held tight, pushing against you with his whole body and whispering disgusting things under his breath. When he finally entered you, he tugged hard on your hair. He made no effort to cover your mouth because you didn't even try to scream. You were out of breath, unable to say a word. You were afraid that he would kill you. You wanted him to go away so that the pain would end and you could finally go home.

When he finished, he let you go and just walked away. You stood there, half naked, frozen and shaken, for god knows how long. You were unable to move. When you felt his semen running down your leg, you finally managed to vomit. Your cheek was bruised and scratched from how hard he pressed you against the rough wall. You wanted to go home, but you didn't have the strength to get up from the street.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, but you finally got up. You got dressed and walked to your car. Everything hurt. You didn't want to, but you knew, you had to go to the hospital. You could not leave it like that. He had already hurt you, but what about the others? You couldn't let that happen. All the way to the hospital in Port Angeles your hands were trembling. Returning to that memory, you didn't even remember how you got to the ER.

At the hospital, they took care of you properly. They called the police. Two female doctors were there for a medical examination. The nurses were very nice. You tried to put on a good face. You've thought about how your sexual experiences has been so far. Your first sex, like most people's, was terrible. Your boyfriend was two years older, you were 17 and it all went wrong. You were in pain. He didn't seem too happy either. Up until you graduated from high school, you tried to make it work somehow, but there were never any fireworks. It wasn't until college that you discovered the good side of sex.

However, you never had sex with someone you loved more than life. You haven't met anyone like that. And you were sure that sex with that person would be unique and exceptional. Until now, of course. Lying on a hospital bed, you felt exploited. Abused. Filthy. Humiliated. How can one do something like that to another person? The nurse asked if someone could come and pick you up, and you didn't have much of a choice. You called Bella. While she was on her way to the hospital, you let the police officers question you. You mechanically slurred the words as if it wasn't about you at all. As if it wasn’t you that had been raped.

As soon as you saw Bella, you were no longer able to pretend that nothing had happened. You were sobbing and she hugged you tight, telling you that he would pay for it. You weren't so sure about that. You wanted to be home as soon as possible, so you went back to Forks. Bella said nothing while driving because there was nothing that could be said. In the shower, you scrubbed yourself so hard with the pumice that you thought you had taken off all your skin. To your absolute disgust, you could still feel his touch on you. You could hear him whisper against your ear and you could smell his hideous breath.

A week has passed. Bella texted you every day, and you were able to hang out almost every other day. She was a good sister, a great friend. She didn't want to leave you alone in this. Despite being offered leave, you went to work. You didn't want to keep thinking about what happened. Each time, after taking a bath, you were unable to look in the mirror. On the first day, right after scrubbing, you decided to take a look. You had bruises on your stomach, thighs, buttocks and breasts. Your forearms were scraped, your cheek was scratched and bruised. The worst of it was that you had been bleeding for days. The gynaecologist said, it was due to too much force, and the fact that you actively resisted for a while.

You were trying to get back to normal. You went to work, you were seeing Bella and taking your course. But no one could touch you. You didn't even shake hands to say hello. You didn't care at all, you couldn’t endure a touch anymore. Not in any way. You didn't get your period, but the doctor said it could happen. It was a shock to the body and a lot of pain to bear. Also, you bled for almost a week after the rape.

You started to be afraid to go out alone. When in a shop or at work, if anyone approached you from behind, you started panicking and hyperventilating. You couldn’t walk ordinarily on the street. You looked behind every two or three minutes to assure yourself that nobody was following you. Your hands trembled while driving the car or making the tea. Your eyes were starting to water as soon as someone even tried to touch you. You had nightmares and you started losing your mind because of this.

When your period did not come in the following month, you began to worry. Surely you couldn't get pregnant with this... monster. Not you. Of course you have checked. You would not be able to live in such ignorance. It turned out that yes, you indeed were pregnant. When the doctor confirmed it, you fainted. Not you, not like that. You didn't even think you'd ever be a mum. Let alone like this. You hated your body even more and the fact that it had betrayed you in such a villainous way.

You knew this path led to madness. You were in an even worse mental condition, than after losing your mum; than after dad died in the accident. You have shed countless tears. You didn't want to abort this pregnancy, and at the same time you wanted it with all your heart. If only you were able to defend yourself. Break away from him and run as far away as possible. It would never have happened. But you were weak and didn't even have the energy to scream. Would it have made any difference though?

You were constantly beating yourself up with thoughts about whether you should keep the baby, when something completely bizarre happened. Jacob called you that he had to rescue Bella after jumping off a cliff. Annoyed, you got in your car and drove up to the Swans' house. Bella's car wasn't there, so you waited patiently in yours. When they arrived, you were boiling with rage.

“Have you lost your fucking mind?!” you shouted, as you got out of the car.

Bella rolled her eyes. She looked miserable. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was soaked through. She smiled weakly towards you.

“It was just for fun, you know” she muttered, as you hugged her tightly. It was your first closer contact since…

“It was just for sport,” she tried again.

You snorted in annoyance.

“Yeah, sure, get inside before you get sick.”

As you both stepped onto the porch, Jacob unexpectedly grabbed Bella's wrist. They shared a look.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. You can go now, Jake,” she muttered, trying to disentangle herself from his grasp.

You smiled weakly at him, while Bella was looking for her keys.

“Cool, I'll take care of her until Charlie gets back. Thanks for saving her stupid ass,” you said. Jacob smiled amused, but still seemed slightly tense.

“No problem. Always at your service,” he joked. “Well... See ya around,” he said goodbye and walked away to his car.

You walked into the house with Bella.

“What were you thinking? You could have died” you muttered under your breath, stripping off your jacket.

“Well...actually I wasn't thinking, like, at all” Bella admitted, smiling apologetically at you.

“Next time think about Charlie,” you said, hugging her once more. Your body screamed that you shouldn't do that, but you were glad that Bella was okay.

While Bella changed into dry clothes, you made hot tea for both of you. Someone knocked on the door. The knocking was not from the front, but from the courtyard. You walked slowly to the door and opened it. Edward's sister, Alice, stood in front of you. You wouldn't have known what she looked like, if Bella hadn't shown you pictures of her. But other than that, you knew quite a bit about her, because when Bella was still with Edward, she couldn’t kept her mouth shut about Alice.

“Hi. Can I come in?” she asked politely. She tried to look normal, but there was something in her behaviour that made you nervous. You were about to reply, when Bella appeared in the kitchen.

“Alice!” she squealed, throwing herself around the brunette's neck. After a moment, she pulled away and looked at Alice in disbelief. "Are you really here? Or am I just dreaming this?" asked Bella.

It was your turn to roll the eyes.

“Of course she’s here” you said, now slightly annoyed. “Don’t be bothered by me, please, proceed to whatever you wanted to say.”

Your sarcastic tone was not intended, but justified. You were slowly beginning to get fed up with this family's games. First they move out and turn Bella's life upside down, and now the big comeback? Something's not right here. Besides, at that moment, you weren't the right person to play with. You had enough problems of your own and your life was messed up enough. What you didn't know at that moment, was that everything was about to change fundamentally very soon.

Alice took no notice of you.

"Bella, listen. Edward thinks you committed suicide. He told me that he doesn't want to live either, so he is on his way to the Volturi to ask them for an execution."

You had no idea what she was talking about. Bella was terrified, and you didn't know what was going on here.

"What, who the fuck are Volturi? Did Edward get involved with some cult? Also, how did he know Bella killed herself?" you asked, not understanding anything of what Alice was talking about earlier.

"We have to go to Italy, Bella,” she ignored you once more. “If they refuse him, I'm not sure what he'll do" as Alice spoke, Bella began to gather herself quickly to leave.

You grabbed her hand.

"And where do you think you are going?" you asked in disbelief. Bella looked at you apologetically.

"Y/N, I have to go. They're going to murder him. Just the fact that I'm alive will convince him."

You snorted in disbelief.

"You're dead serious? And can't you call him and tell him it's a misunderstanding? Besides, Bella, this guy ghosted you. He left you here, alone, with not one explanation and you want to fly to the other side of the world to save this dumb ass?" you asked, trying to take your mind off this ludicrous circumstance.

“Oh my god, we’ll take her with us if she’s not going to back down” said Alice in exasperation.

“And to your kind information, I won't back down. Your douchebag brother and the rest of your family turned her adrift. I was the one who pulled her out of her depression, and I will not let the exact same thing happen again because of any of you,”you hissed out in anger. You saw something in Alice's eyes that you considered to be admiration.

You looked at Bella expectantly.

“Y/N, I still love him. I cannot let this go” Bella whispered and you felt as your chest tightened. “Please…”

You heaved a heavy sigh.

“Okey, but I’m coming with you,” you decided and noticed that Alice's eyes were momentarily clouded with mist. You had no idea what was going on here, but you were sure that this whole affair with the Volturi, whoever the hell they were, didn't sound good.

After a few seconds, Alice looked at Bella, then at you and back at Bella.

“Get your coats, we have to go now,” she said.

“But Alice...” protested Bella.

“There's no time for that. We'll explain everything to her on the way. If we start now, we won't get out of here until noon” she muttered exasperatedly, walking out of the house. You looked at Bella.

“Bells, what's this all about?” you asked, and she just sighed quietly. You both quickly got your shoes on.

“We'll tell you on the plane but I'm afraid the Volturi won't like that a lot,” she said with worried expression on her face.

When you were at the airport waiting for a plane, you had countless questions in your head. Why the fuck Edward was pulling such nonsense? Why to be so dramatic about thing that didn’t even happen? Did this idiot really get involved in some sort of cult? And why was his sister so concerned about it that she decided to tell you ‘everything’, whatever needed to be said? However, the question that kept you wondering was who were the mysterious Volturi and what could they possibly resent about you?

One thing you were sure of. There hadn't been a moment since the sexual assault when you hadn't thought about it. And now your thoughts were occupied by the mysterious Volturi and you immensely wanted to find out what it was really all about.

⋎⋎⋎

On a plane ride, you found out that vampires are no fairy tales and your best friend was in love with one. It was a wild thought but, as soon as Alice started taking, you knew it wasn’t a joke. You were given so much information at once that you were unable to respond to anything as Alice finished her long monologue. You had a drink of water, although at that moment you very much regretted not being able to drink whisky.

“Okey, lets say I get most of this…” you said with a low voice, trying to be careful with what you’re saying. “But can you tell me who are Volturi and why would they want to decapitate Edward?” you asked, looking sideways, afraid that someone might hear.

Alice let out a sigh.

“The Volturi are the equivalent of the justice system in our world. They are the ones who created the laws that help us hide from the world, and they are the ones who enforce them. They consider themselves… sort of royalty, as their leaders – Aro, Caius and Marcus – are over three thousand years old.”

If you were to be honest, you were not very good at processing this information. Three thousand years? The first thought that popped into your mind was that they must be immensely lonely. You were sure you wouldn't want to live so many years without having anyone worthy by your side. Later, Alice quickly summarised all the laws that every vampire must obey. They weren't complicated, but when you thought about it a little longer, some of them weren't so easy to follow.

“I don't want to whine, or come off as ungrateful or anything like that, but... didn't you just break the law? By telling me about you?” you asked cautiously, not knowing if what you were saying was right.

Alice sighed again, this time heavier than before.

“It’s complicated” she said succinctly, which interested Bella, who was eating some kind of sandwich.

“This vision of yours was about [Y/N]?” she asked Alice curiously. Alice merely nodded. When Alice told you about her gift, and this was at the very beginning of the story, you found it hard to believe. It wasn’t so unbelievable now.

"Eat something," Alice said to you. "It's good for the baby" she added after a moment, seeing you hesitate. You swallowed heavily, as you suddenly felt sick. The memories of that evening came back.

Alice smiled softly, as if knowing exactly what you were thinking about. And this was supposed to be Edward's gift.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" she asked, and your eyes almost fell out.

"Can you predict that?" you asked in disbelief. She and Bella both smiled. Alice nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, sure. I can't predict if the baby... you know, if it will be born, however, the sex I can tell you.”

You pondered on it, while eating your sandwich. The nausea eased, when you could think of something different than that unlucky evening. Before you knew it, you fell asleep and Alice woke you up when you landed in Italy. As Alice drove the stolen car, you tried to admire the beautiful views of Tuscany outside your window. When you had almost reached Volterra, you thought how wonderful it would be to live here.

⋎⋎⋎

This stupid boyfriend of hers. That was all his fault. Of course, Bella made it at the last minute. You, together with Alice, went to abandon the stolen car somewhere. Although, you had a feeling that you would be returning the exact same way. You tried to reassure yourself. Of course you’ll be returning. Or maybe not? If you were honest, you gave no fucks about it. You had no one who’d wait for you at home, your parents died, you were brutally raped not so long ago, and you didn’t even know if you wanted to keep the baby. Maybe dying today isn’t such a bad idea?

You have reached the square and entered the palace at a very convenient time. The guy who looked like a wardrobe and the other one, much shorter than him and blonde, looked like they were about to murder Edward in this instant. And actually, you felt like you could’ve murdered Edward too. Barely Alice closed the door, you didn't even glance at the two of them, but immediately began to scold Edward for what he had done. To hell with his gift!

“You stupid, immature, irresponsible, reckless and selfish bastard!” you started descriptively, and even Bella was taken aback by your behaviour. Alice raised her eyebrows and two other vampires looked at themselves and then straight at you. Edward had no time for any reply. “If you ever, I repeat, if you ever again do something as childish and irresponsible as expose my best friend to a nervous breakdown and months of depression, I promise you, here and now, that I will decapitate you myself. You're old, and yet a five-year-old child is smarter than you. You utter imbecile,” you hissed with hatred.

Of course, your malice towards him was temporary, but it's been a long time since anyone has angered you like that. The shorter man laughed under his breath, and the other one, who looked like a wardrobe, said:

“Can we keep her? I like the way she’s ruling the roost.”

He fell silent, as a short, pretty blonde woman entered the room. Her face was like a child's, but her eyes... bright red, staring at no one else but you.

“Jane” greeted her Edward. She didn’t even look at him.

“Aro sent me to see what was taking so long” she said. The atmosphere immediately became tense. Edward and Alice seemed to stiffen at the sound of Aro's name. You were curious but not frightened. Not yet.

Jane turned and immediately started walking towards the long corridor. Bella just looked at Edward, and you glanced at Alice.

“Do what she says,” she muttered to you and you both kept pace with the couple in the front.

Needless to say, it was the most stressful and also the most terrifying lift ride you've ever experienced. Not to add the creepy music background. You guessed it was supposed to make you feel better, but instead it made your whole stomach go up to your throat. You were standing right in the middle, next to Bella, holding Alice's hand. The vampire, who looked like a wardrobe, kept looking at you. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. Puking on someone's shoes isn't going to make this situation any better. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Edward smile. Yeah, the situation you’ve found yourself in was extremely funny indeed.

When you reached the main chamber, you didn't know what to look at first. At the vampires standing against every wall? Not very wise of you. At the marble floor? Nothing to be afraid of for now, so no. You probably should have looked at the three thrones in front of you and the vampires that sat on them, but instead, you were interested in the Latin phrase engraved between the columns above you.

You glanced at your company. Edward looked as if he was about to die. Maybe that's what's going to happen? Alice looked very out of sorts, and Bella, well, she was hanging onto Edward's arm and also looked like she was about to leave this world for good. She was unnaturally pale and you though she was going to faint any second. But it never happened. The rest of the room felt extremely comfortable. For a moment, you turned your head towards the boy who called out to Jane. You did not let go of Alice's hand but you did not feel any anxiety. Curiosity prevailed, mainly because you had come to terms with the fact of your imminent death.

“Sister! Sent you out to get one and you bring back two. And two halves,” the boy who’s just called Jane his sister probably was talking about me and Bella. “Such a clever girl,” he praised her like he wasn’t his sister but someone else entirely. You sighed heavily. Maybe they’re also into incest-kind-of-relationships? Who knows. You looked above your head again. There was a short inscription “vita brevis, ars longa” but you knew the rest of it. Latin was obligatory in every medical school.

When the man from the middle throne stood up, it was to him that you directed all your attention. You felt that something about him was... you had no idea how to describe it, but you felt a strange pull towards him. As if some invisible force had power over you.

“What a happy surprise!” he said pointedly, wide smile on his face. “Bella is alive after all. Isn’t that wonderful?” he said cheerfully, while walking towards Edward. At that exact moment, you realised that you had managed to get yourself into a huge mess. The lair of the vampires. And you were only a weak human. Recently raped. With a baby under your heart.

As soon as the man stepped down from the platform, you were unable to take your eyes off him. His posture, the way he spoke, his demeanour, it all made you feel incredible respect for him. You’ve never felt this secure and calm in your entire life.

“I love a happy ending,” the man said, while he took Edwards’ hand into his. “They’re so rare.”

You were wondering why this man took Edward’s hand in the first place. You did not have to wait long for an explanation.

“Aro can read every thought that I’ve ever had. With one touch” Edward explained to Bella but you were listening too. Very carefully listening. You’ve finally managed to know the name of the vampire. Aro. It suited him well. Although his eyes were a little scary, you were delighted with his charisma and approach to guests. You realised that indeed, they are called the royal family for a reason.

Aro smiled to Edward.

“Her blood appears to you so much,” he whispered, and you had a hard time hearing his words well. Aro’s gaze rested on Bella. “It makes me thirsty. How can you stand to be so close to her?” he asked Edward, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable. You could tell by the fact that he was practically standing like a statue.

“It is not without difficulty,” muttered Edward from behind his clenched teeth.

You swallowed hard, as Aro turned his gaze to Bella again but he smiled.

“Ah, I can see that” he said pleased, moving away from Edward and focusing all his attention on Bella.

“Although you’re a quite soul-reader yourself, Edward, you cannot read Bella’s thoughts” he made a rather dramatic pause, still staring stubbornly at your best friend. “Fascinating” he said, not hiding his curiosity.

You managed to look elsewhere, than at Aro. The man on the throne to your left seemed unusually agitated. He fixed his gaze on you, as if his life depended on it, yet you did not feel uncomfortable. You were surprised to discover that an invisible force was also drawing you towards him. You almost took a step forward. You tried to remember the man from a few minutes ago. He looked as if he had died in that chair a few centuries ago. And now he seemed genuinely moved.

“Brother” the man spoke to Aro, as he got up from his throne. Indeed, there seemed to be an urgency to the matter, for Aro turned around in surprise. You had the impression that the man from the throne had not risen from it for a long time.

“You knew about this, and you brought her anyway?” you heard Edward's quiet whisper, directed at Alice.

Alice looked at her brother, then at you and finally at a curious Aro.

"It would have happened anyway. Better sooner than later" Alice murmured mysteriously. You still didn't know what it was even about. The third man, the one on your right, did not share his brothers' patience.

"Aro, let's hurry this up, Heidi will be here soon, and we don't want to frighten our guests" he said ominously, grinning like a madman. You were far from solving this riddle, but as soon as you looked at him, you felt the same attraction and enigmatic pulling as towards the other two.

Aro took his brother's hand in his own and you could see that his eyes would have lit up with happiness if they could.

“Ah, my dear Marcus! What an exceptional news!” intoned Aro cheerfully, heading towards you. He was slow in his movements, exactly so that you would not be frightened by him. All his movements were framed by an incredible grace.

“My dear, if I may, what is your name?” he asked, coming closer to you. You were unable to take your eyes off him. It was exactly, as if he had hypnotised you, only the feeling was more addictive. You didn't have to have a gift or to be a vampire to know that. For a split second, you ran out of breath and just stared into his red irises.

“My name is [Y/N]” you said, with your voice trembling, as your throat tightened hard under the intense emotions. You couldn't believe it was really happening. Maybe it was just a dream? Maybe these three beautiful men are just a figment of your imagination? You didn't even want to think about the fact that it might not be true.

Aro smiled encouragingly, while looking at you with all the attention that he’d possibly give you. You felt like nothing more was more important than you to him at that exact moment.

"It is an incredible pleasure to meet you, [Y/N]. I am Aro, but you already know that.”

The smile never left his face and during this brief exchange of words, neither of you took your eyes off the other. You felt that the atmosphere in the room had changed. Aro extended his alabaster hand in an inviting gesture.

“May I, my dear?” he asked you politely.

You gulped. Of course, you wanted to show him that you didn't want to give away their secret. You wanted to show him the strange bond you felt towards him and his brothers. However, there were things you didn't want him to see. You felt deep down inside that this attraction had an explanation and you didn't want him to see... Not that. You’d felt exposed and extremely embarrassed. There was also another issue. His hand. You'd hugged Bella twice since it happened and just now you were holding Alice's hand. You didn't know if, when you touched him, you'd start screaming or crying because you were so afraid of someone else's touch.

Yet, his hand looked so inviting, almost familiar, as if you'd already had the chance to touch it before. Aro himself showed no impatience. He waited, still gazing into your blue irises with his crimson eyes. You extended your hand towards him, at first cautiously, and then with a little more confidence. You took a deep breath, before your fingers made contact. When it happened, you felt as if you had come home after many years of wandering. He closed your hand in his, just as he had done with Edward's. His skin was cold, but he handled you extremely gently. You stared into his eyes as he looked at your thoughts and memories of your whole life. You knew instantly when he was done because he smiled sadly at you. He squeezed your hand gently in his.

"Never again, my love. Never again," he assured passionately, and then he leaned down to place a kiss on your hand. It was so light and as gentle as a breeze on a summer day. You couldn't help but smile.

Aro clapped his hands. He was clearly pleased with what had just happened between you.

"Aro, will you explain to me what's going on? I'm sick of waiting," said the nervous brother, who was the only one with blond hair. Aro smiled widely and turned towards him.

"Ah, Caius, you'll never guess. Finally, after so many years, our mate has honoured us with her presence" he said overjoyed and Caius frowned in awe. You were already able to tell that this did not happen often. Marcus, on the other hand, was sitting on his throne, smiling, still looking in your direction. You didn't miss the glances of the other vampires either. Was it some sort of celebration when Marcus was smiling?

“What does that mean?” it was Bella who snapped that question. Aro immediately appeared by her side. He gently stroked her hair, pulling an unruly strand behind her ear. You felt the sting of jealousy, when he touched her face. You should be the one asking that question and not her.

“Ah, and dear Isabella. What to do with you,” he wondered aloud, as if asking others for advice. “As I have far more important matters to deal with....” he began, looking directly at you. “I’d love to see if you’re an exception to my gift as well,” he whispered to Bella, extending his hand towards her. She didn't have much choice, did she? She took his hand, a little hesitantly, but after a short while Aro moved away.

“Interesting” he muttered. “I see nothing.”

“You already know what you’ll do with her, Aro” said Marcus, his eyes never leaving your person. “Just do it, as we want to know our little angel a bit more.”

You looked at Bella for a moment. She was terrified, not only with her own case, but also with yours. You have already guessed that you are not going anywhere. They would never let you out of their hands. Aro knew perfectly well that you didn't even have anything to go back to. Of course, you had plenty of questions, but you were sure it wasn't about your case now. Just about Bella's situation and what the Cullens had done, or rather what they hadn't done. However, you guessed it, Bella was afraid you wouldn't get out of here alive, and at the same time, you were worried about the exact same thing but about her.

Aro was smiling continuously.

“I have an idea” he said, after a long while. He approached Alice this time. “Would you be so kind, dear, and show me if you saw Bella's transformation in your vision?”

You were smart enough to know that it wasn’t a request. Alice undid her glove and boldly gave Aro her hand. He was absent for a moment and then smiled again. You were impressed by the aura he spread around himself. When he smiled, you felt like smiling too. You still had the impression that it was only a dream, and simultaneously you were sure that it was really happening. Aro's touch was definitely real, you couldn’t forget his cool hands embracing your own.

“Ah, lovely. I know everything now,” he declared. You and Bella probably looked similarly confused, but you weren't the least bit concerned and she was as pale as a sheet.

Aro turned directly to Edward.

“As I have seen Isabella's transformation in Alice's vision, I can let you go with peace of mind, my dear young friends. I trust that a date will be set sooner, rather than later and that I will be able to see for myself, what your mate will be capable of, Edward. As for you, Isabella, you are promising immortal material and I hope your potential will not go to waste," he said, this time speaking directly to Bella.

She was still brave enough to look him in the eye.

“And what with [Y/N]? You never mentioned what will happen to her” she noticed, looking in your direction. You smiled gently to her.

“I’m staying here, Bella” you said calmly, trying to reassure her with your tone of voice that all shall be all right.

You saw pure admiration and joyousness on Aro’s face as you said that.

“Isn’t she remarkable, brothers?” he asked Marcus and Caius, who looked as if they had just received the most beautiful Christmas present.

Bella seemed to be thoroughly outrageous.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]! You cannot stay here, please, come back with us. You cannot be here while you’re pregnant” she cried, holding your hand and looking at you with disbelief.

What she said made you very uncomfortable and extremely upset.

"Bella, I have nothing to go back to. My parents are dead. You knew that if Alice told me everything, it would have to be resolved somehow," you stated matter-of-factly, squeezing her hand in yours. "I can't go back there, Bells." Your throat tightened with despair as memories of recent events flooded inside your mind. You tried to hold back tears.

"I am a shadow of my former self. I'm afraid to leave the house alone to go shopping or to work. This paranoia is overwhelming me, Bella. I keep turning behind me to see if anyone is following me on the street. I cry at night, knowing that it doesn't change anything. And then there's this unfortunate baby," you sighed helplessly, trying not to burst with tears. "Even if I keep it, I don't want it to have a mother who's afraid to leave the house. I can't live like this, we both know that" you whispered, squeezing her hands in yours again.

“But you cannot possibly be mated with all three of them” Bella whispered with despair in her eyes. You only smiled, sensing that this sentence got on Kings’ nerves, especially Caius’s.

“I think it’s predestined, Bella. Just as you are destined to be with Edward, I do belong here, with my mates” you said cautiously, glancing at Aro and looking for approval in his eyes. He was only looking at you with delight, as he said nothing.

You saw that Bella had hard time processing such information, whilst Edward and Alice said nothing at all. You knew that Alice knew prior about this, and Edward could see the vision in her thoughts. You pulled Bella into a comfortable hug.

“Hey, sister, we don’t see each other the very last time. We’ll meet again. Probably in a different…condition but still.”

Bella looked devastated.

“You promise me that?” she asked warily, her tone full of hope. You smiled at her.

“Of course I do.” You kissed her cheek and caressed her long, brown hair. “We can call each other, you know. It’s not like I’m moving to the Moon,” you joked, to release the tension a bit. To your astonishment, everybody in the room laughed at that. It made you blush, just a little tiny bit.

After another farewell, in which this time you also included Alice and Edward (barely, because you were still mad at him) and an official farewell from Aro, who told them to give his friend kind regards from him, the guests left the chamber.

They left, and Aro was immediately by your side. He gently stroked your long blonde hair, but didn't touch a single piece of a skin. After the display of your memories, he probably knew very well that you did not wish any touch for the time being.

You still couldn't free yourself from under his spell and if you were to be honest, you didn't want to at all. Aro offered you his arm.

"I believe, we have much to discuss, my love."

You took his arm gratefully.

"I have a ton of questions," you admitted as you walked out of the chamber with Marcus and Caius slowly following you. You didn't need to look back, the strange bonds that drew you together informed you of their presence in a yet unknown way.

Aro, as usual, smiled magnificently.

"My dear, one thing at a time," he said in a gentle tone, as he patted your forearm with tenderness. When you entered the study with the round table, Aro immediately pushed back a chair for you.

"No one is to disturb us" you heard Caius' sharp tone as he closed the door behind you. You tried to feel comfortable and at ease. After all, this was your home from now on.

Part 2 | Part 3

[nanagoswife]

I Failed Everyone. I Failed You.

(^^these are related to the fic^^)

HAPPY MAY 4TH EVERYONE

In celebration, I decided to write this random idea I had literally just last night (right before I wrote it. I wasn't even planning to write last night 😅) Anyways, I thought we could use some Obi, even if he isn't going through entirely good times. With me, I had to end it on a lighter note so sad Obi doesn't necessarily last the whole time.

Pushing this aside, happy May 4th everyone.

May the force be with you, always.

- - -

Summary: After Order 66, Obi-Wan has to go and deal with Anakin. Taking place after the duel, he comes to you for support but, as the next hours go on, you're the one needing comfort.

W/C: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of flame boy, mention of mass death, character death, angst, Obi being a sad boy

The threatening shades of red and orange accented by the black, soot covered ground would’ve frightened him in any other situation. Even the locals had an unwelcoming presence as they floated over the molten lava, gathering Maker knows what.

Now, though, he was more focused on a different fear that had come true. The order was destroyed, his friends turned on him, he failed Anakin. Obi-Wan Kenobi had failed one of the people he strove to do only good for.

Instead of his true duty, he had just battled his closest friend. His brother. His son. The one other he cared and watched over not because his master had told him so, but because he felt inclined to. There had been something in Anakin that peaked something inside of him that drew him to Anakin.

What good was he if he failed everyone he ever loved? First, Qui-Gon, then so many others. Even people who had just been there that fought by his side or died to save him. Then there was this current moment. He had failed to see how the war was a fool’s game. The person leading it was really on the enemy side and let his true colours show in a drastic change.

Obi-Wan had failed. He had even failed you. Compared to you, Obi-wan knew so much more about what was truly going on. Had he seen how overly fond the Chancellor was for Anakin, even you were suspicious. Yet, he didn’t act on it soon enough.

Due to this, you were caught up in Anakin’s tirade before it turned into the battle he had endured. You had come with Obi-Wan hoping that you could talk him back. Anakin always did have a strong connection with you. He had told Obi-Wan at a point that he looked to you as a mother figure, a role model.

It almost worked, too. It was almost as if something snapped in Anakin as you tried to step closer. All you wanted to do was embrace him and tell him how it would all be okay even after what happened with Padmé moments before. That’s not how he saw it. So, he had used the force and threw you against the ship, rendering you unconscious.

Being protective of both you and Padmé, Obi-Wan tried a last ditch effort to try and talk Anakin down. Despite being known as the ‘Negotiator’, his negotiating skills greatly lacked compared to yours. He had failed your mission to bring him back to the light.

With everything, it led to him watching as he was burned alive, almost pleading for help. Instead of listening, he turned away, unable to watch.

The image was sure to haunt the rest of his days as he walked back to the platform with Anakin’s lightsaber. Before this had all happened, he was able to check to make sure both you and Padmé were still alive. Thank the stars that you both were. He could only hope the baby was alright.

When it came to you, he was relieved to know that the one person he loved most dearly was alright, considering. You would’ve been the last straw had Anakin killed you.

Even in this time of pain and grief, he couldn’t help but be amused at the thought of how, not only did Anakin see both you and him as parental figures, but the two of you had really been together the whole time. Whether Anakin knew or not, the two of you raised him like your own because both of you knew that you couldn’t actually have a child of your own. So, Anakin played that role.

That was why you were so adamant on trying to talk him out of it. Unlike Obi-Wan, you refused to raise a hand to Anakin. Obi-Wan wouldn’t have either, had he not almost killed you and his own wife who carried his child. It repulsed him.

As he neared the platform, fear filled him at thinking something may have happened while he was gone. Did clone troopers arrive and find you here? He didn’t want to think about it, partially because, at this point, he would just give himself up to it.

Stepping up the platform, intense relief overtook him when he saw you with your back turned to him. You only turned when both R2-D2 and C-3PO had greeted him.

He didn’t need to say a word for you to know what happened. Why else would he be carrying the lightsaber? Although you hated that it happened, you couldn’t blame Obi-Wan at all. His pained expression showed how heavily it weighed on him.

Obi-Wan didn’t stop when the droids met him. Instead, he kept his path to you until he was in your arms. The tears that he had just wiped away now mixed with the ash on his face once again as he buried himself into your neck. One of your hands easily held the back of his head while the other gently rubbed his back.

As you held him, your own tears filled your eyes. You were unable to bring Anakin back. You had lost the closest thing you had to a son to the dark.

“I’m so sorry,” Obi-Wan said, barely coherent through his cries. “I-I failed him. I failed you.” Just his voice wrenched your heart as his pain was so prominent.

His words pained you in a way that they never have before. In your mind, he didn’t fail you or Anakin. You were just as much to blame. As was everything else in and around your lives. That wasn’t what he needed to hear, though.

“Shh, it’s alright,” you said quietly into his ear. To further comfort him, you traced delicate circles in his hair. “You didn’t fail me and you definitely didn’t fail Anakin. There’s no way we could’ve known that this is what was going to happen.”

“But-”

You cut him off, “No,” you said firmly but stayed soft so you could comfort him further. “You taught him well. The rest were his decisions. We couldn’t force his path, Obi.”

Carefully, you moved his head so that you could look him in the eyes, cupping his cheeks with your hands. The usual soft, caring blue was now dimmed with pain and grief. Although that’s how you felt, you tried to remain strong on the outside. He didn’t need how you felt added to his own emotions.

“Come on,” you said gently, “Padmé is inside. We need to get her into medical care.”

Slowly, Obi-Wan nodded and you led him inside by the hand that didn’t carry the lightsaber. When you walked in, you left Obi-Wan by Padmé’s side as you went to pilot the ship off this dreary planet.

-

“Twins?” you exclaimed when you heard the news. You, Yoda, and Obi-Wan all glanced at the other when the medical droid told you this.

“Go. By Senator Amidala’s side, you should be,” Yoda told you when you had looked worriedly at your friend. The fact that she was dying hadn’t quite settled in just yet. Instead of voicing this, you nodded to Master Yoda and quickly made your way to Padmé’s side.

Out of pure instinct, you grabbed her hand.

“Y/N,” she said weakly.

“Shh, save your strength. You’re about to have a couple little ones making themselves known,” you said with a slight chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood. To your relief, she let out her own laugh.

The rest of it was all a blur. Padmé’s tight grip on your hand was merely a reminder that you were still here. It was a reminder that these may be the last few moments you get to spend with her.

At a point, you had looked up to where Obi-Wan was watching from the other side of the glass. Trying to be brave, he offered a small smile in comfort. It did help a bit before your attention was drug back to the situation as the grip on your hand was tightened.

Once both Luke and Leia were born, Obi-Wan joined the room and held Luke as you held Leia.

When you looked down, Padmé was smiling at the two babies that the two of you held. Then it fell. “There’s good in him,” she whispered, breathing deeply. “I know… I know there’s… still…” and she faded.

Obi-Wan looked as desolate as you felt. Other than the two of you, there was no one else. Sure, there was Yoda, but relationships with him weren’t as deep as with everyone you’ve lost today. Now, you and Obi-Wan were left with the children of your closest friends.

-

Later, after your discussion with Yoda and Bail Organa about what would happen with the children, you were watching the twins in the nursery through the glass wall. So many thoughts were running through your mind, the most prominent being what would happen with you and Obi-Wan.

During the meeting, the relationship you had with Obi-Wan no longer needed to be hidden. Even though Yoda already had known for years, he was open to what the two of you had to say. This was all to lead up to the point that the two of you would take Luke to his family on Tatooine and, together, you would watch from a distance.

Your thoughts now were about how the two of you would stay hidden with this duty. You thought about how this all would affect the next days, months, stars, maybe years. Would this plague both of you for the rest of your days? Would this draw you apart? Would it bring the two of you closer? Would you finally start the family the two of you wanted?

“Darling?” Your racing mind was interrupted as you heard the familiar voice. Turning to it, you saw Obi-Wan’s worried gaze. This time, it wasn’t because of everything else that had happened. It was a worry for you. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, quite…” you trailed off as you looked back to the two newborns.

Seeing your gaze, he immediately knew what you were probably thinking. He stepped up to you and pulled you into his embrace as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. What you needed was comfort, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

“Don’t worry, Darling. This won’t pull us apart, I promise,” he said reassuringly.

As he held you, an idea popped up in his head. It was something he continually thought about, but never was able to do. There was so much that he could finally act on that was once held back due to the code. Now, he could tell you and ask you everything he wanted to for so many years. Especially with this idea now.

“Y/N, darling?” He moved slightly back so that he could look into your eyes. The troubled look that he saw in your eyes earlier was now dimmed down and was replaced with the usual fondness he loved to see. “To prove this, I want to ask you something.”

Confusion suddenly took you over. What could he ask that would prove to you that nothing would happen? That is until he started to sink downwards. He kept going until he was kneeling, looking up at you and held one of your hands in his. The whole time, he didn’t remove his eyes from yours.

“This has been something that I’ve wanted to ask for so long. I haven’t been able to before, but now I can. Y/N, will you marry me?”

Overwhelming happiness threw every thought from everything from the last twenty-four standard hours. It was the first time you truly smiled for days, maybe even weeks. It rendered you speechless as this was a day you thought you’d never get. Eagerly, you nodded your head before pulling him up to kiss him. The first time you would share a kiss without the fear of others catching you.

“I love you, Obi. So much,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“I love you too.” Obi-Wan lifted a hand to your cheek and traced small circles with his thumb. Although the reasons that made this moment possible were horrible, he basked in this small thing that helped both of you forget. This was well needed for now. “Maybe we could finally start the family we’ve always fantasized about,” he said while bringing his lips to your forehead.

You pulled your head away, but didn’t move away from his hold. “Really?”

“Really. Those dreams can finally be a reality.”

Without any more hesitation, you kissed him once again. There will be much to overcome, but you’ll have each other to work through it. You’ll have the other to comfort the other. Eventually, you’ll have another that will make you want to be better.

Then, you knew that Obi-Wan hadn’t failed you and you hadn’t failed Obi-Wan. Even though you both lost your closest friends, and you may have failed so many, you hadn’t failed each other. And in this blissful moment, that’s all that matters.

@stardancerluv @where-fantasy-meets-reality @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @hopeladybug

If you want to join a taglist, message me or send in an ask. I'll eventually get something set up, but this is the only couple ways for now 😅

[cyborg-franky]

Stranded part 4

Law x GN Reader N/SFW Word Count: 1526

Weeks had passed since you had almost died, weeks since Law staid with you while you recovered, weeks since you decided to drop the attitude towards the crew you were part of. You still didn’t accept your place on the Polar Tang with open arms, but you were grounded by gratitude to the captain. You knew you’d been a pain in the ass, a challenge to deal with, you being stung by the poison critter could have been an easy way for the heart pirates to dispose of you guilt free. But they didn’t, they rushed you to their doctor.

Who happened to be Law, that fact still surprised you, every time you saw him with that huge sword, his inked hands and arms, his smug smirk and his stupid bright sweatshirts you think to yourself ‘how the fuck did he get a medical degree’ regardless of his appearance he’d saved you. He’d sat by your bedside the entire time you were sick.

You owed him your life, you resented the fact, the obligation it imposed on you. But you weren’t ungrateful to what he had done. You weren’t prepared to die for the pirate, but you could at least show him a shred of respect on his own ship.

Having lightened up and calmed down you soon found that other members of the crew started to gravitate towards you, you had people who wanted to eat with you, talk about things, your lives before you joined the crew, what you hoped to achieve in the future and dumb jokes. The dumb jokes and embarrassing stories seemed to be endless.

“And then right, right Shachi fuckin’ tripped over the puke bucket and fell into the shitter! He got his foot stuck!” Penguin laughed dodging an annoyed Shachi’s fist. “Shut up! You tell everyone that story!” Shachi hissed at his friend, grabbing his beer with a huff.

“That’s because it’s funny” Penguin grinned, others around you laughing at the ginger’s misfortunes. “Were you at least drunk?” You asked Shachi as you helped yourself to another tankard of beer. It had been ages since you’d had a drink, you’d become somewhat a light weight.

“He wasn’t!” Penguin answered for him. “Look, we all mess up” Shachi rolled his eyes though no one could see, his hat covered most of his face. You didn’t think before you acted, reaching over and taking the hat from his head. “What is it with you guys and your captain? Is the dumb headwear club?” you mumbled dropping onto your own head.

“It suits you” Penguin snickered watching his friend try snatch it back off you, you ducked and wriggled to avoid him. “I think so too, you have such a pretty hair colour Shachi, shouldn’t hide it under a stupid hat” Shachi paused in his attempt to snatch his hat back, cheeks tinging pink, mumbling under his breath.

- Hours went on, drinks flowed, and your balance had decided to leave you. Barely able to bring your mug to your face to drink more as you laughed loudly at another joke Penguin made, Shachi once again protesting it half-heartedly.

“I think we should call it a night, captain says we’ll be surfacing tomorrow an’ we should get something that half way resembles sleep..” Penguin sighed, stretching his arms out watching as you and Shachi got up from the benches.

You lurched forward a little unsure of your feet, mind a little hazy as you nodded, thankful that Law hadn’t given you any duties when it came to the ship breaking the surface of the sea. Just had you on clean up duty most the time, as boring as that got you were thankful for lack of real responsibility.

“Need a hand?” Shachi asked and you shook your head, putting the palm of your hand drunkenly against his face. “I think that’s a yes” He chuckled and gently wrapped an arm around your waist to steer you towards your room.

A flash back of this exact moment crept from the back of your mind, you remember thinking the man was kind, he’d offered to help you when you’d first met too. He stumbled over the metal door frame and struggled to keep you both steady. “Oh, because your any better than me?” You laughed, almost falling back, taking him with you.

“Look, I never claimed I was any less drunk, but I have a better centre of gravity” Shachi mumbled trying to set you both straight once more to continue your journey towards your room. “Such a gentlemen” You mumbled, failing to see the man’s face brighten at the offhanded compliment.

Stumbling down the hall together, using the sides of the hallway to help guide you both towards your destination you heard footsteps. Both of you found your lack of ability to walk like normal human beings hilarious. Law, who was walking your way, however didn’t.

“Shachi-ya?” He frowned as he realised who he was trying to carry. He clicked his tongue and stared down his nose at the pair of you, you tried to give him your best glare back. “You’ve both been drinking” It was a rhetorical question, even in your drunken stupor you knew that.

“Yeah….” What did he even mean by that? It was obvious, maybe he wasn’t as smart as everyone assumed.

“Do you really think being alone together while under the influence is such a good idea? I recall that’s how we got into this mess” He gestured at you both, a shake of his head. How dare he continue to judge you for that mistake. You thought things had progressed enough that your captain wouldn’t hold it against you. Apparently, he was still the pretentious prick you’d met in the same hallway all those weeks ago.

“Come on Captain, it’s really not like that…” Shachi protested but yelped when you grabbed the collar of his uniform. “No, it’s exactlylike that Shachi, come on”

If Law was going to carry on judging you for making a mistake, being human, then you’d rather him judge you for your deliberately bad decision. Shachi looked between you and Law, the heated glares you both exchanged before he was tugged by his collar once more.

You were pissed off, rage rolling over you in waves, the nasty look on the tall mans face as he just stood there acting like he was above mistakes, transcended emotions and could judge everyone he deemed lesser then himself. Fucking prick, your first impressions of him were correct.

The worst generation got that name for a reason.

Shutting your door and turning your attention to Shachi who stood there awkwardly, inching the back of his neck, he was about to speak when you pressed yourself against him, lips meeting his. The man was weak, he’d developed a crush on you, lingering attraction from your one night together that had blossomed into something else. Seeds grown in the recent days of your kindness and acceptance with your new life and place within the crew.

“Are you sure? Or you just really pissed at the captain?” He asked when you parted briefly. “Can it be both?” He thought about your answer and shrugged his shoulders.

You began clumsily undressing one another, when you were both naked you blinked, you couldn’t remember much of your first time with Shachi, didn’t remember the number of tattoos on his arms, you felt yourself reaching out, tracing the designs with gentle fingertips. All the reasons you’d said yes to his proposal all that time ago started to come back.

He shivered at your gentle touch, his arms wrapping around you, bringing you closer against him, bare skin touching, he kissed down your neck, nipping at that one spot that made you whine, arching into his touch, he started to remember the places that had gotten favourable reactions from you before.

The heart pirate was pleased he remembered them right because you melted at his touch. He nibbled at the skin on your shoulder, reaching higher until you could feel his hot breath against the shell of your ear “I can’t say I’ve not thought about a round two before now” He sighed, his calloused hands running up your sides.

You said nothing, only offered a weak smile, pulling away from him enough to make eye contact, hands brushing back his hair and giving a lop-sided smile. The anger you felt from Law had spurred this decision, was there such thing as hate fucking someone indirectly? You didn’t want that to be the entire reason for what you were about to do, Shachi didn’t deserve that but with how his body was reacting to the situation you had to wounder if right now he cared about the reason you’d come together again.

Sinking to your knees you placed hands on either side of his thighs, he had a slight wobble in his stance, a hand coming down to pet your hair softly before you took his erect member into your mouth. He gasped, sighed, gripping your hair to keep him grounded. “Oh fuck is this a bad idea…”

[monsoonblooms12]

Finally got around to make this, hope I am not too late! I already did a graphic version, you can see it here. So, without further ado, meet my MC, Dr. Pooja Sharma!

Template Credits: Header credit | Meet my MC Template: By the lovely @jamespotterthefirst | End Moodboard Credit

ABOUT:

Name: Dr Pooja Sharma

Pronouns: She/Her

Nickname: Poo (close friends and family), Aifa (her siblings and Ethan), Rookie (Ethan)

Birthday/Age: 12th August/28

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Nationality: Indian

Face Claim: Jennifer Winget

APPEARANCE:

Height: 5'7

Eyes: Amber

Hair: Shoulder length, Brown, Wavy (More on the curly side than straight)

Distinguishing features: Mole under her lip on left

Birth Mark: Crescent Moon shaped mark on her right hand

Tattoos: A 'Hakuna Matata' on her back, just below the right shoulder

FAMILY:

Members: Pravir Sharma (Father, Pilot by profession), Lt. Mahila Roy Sharma (Mother, Professional Artists and Kathak Dancer), Alekhya Sharma (Twin Sister, Architect), Idhayan Sharma (Adopted Younger Brother, Software Engineer and Wannabe Pastry Chef)

Relations:

Being a pilot, Pooja dad spent most of his time away from home but Pooja still shares a close relay with him & has been supporting him since her mother's demise as well as she can.

Her mother, was murdered when Pooja was eleven. Pooja was the closest to her mom and was tremendously affected by her death. She still gets nightmares about the same.

Alekhya is the notorious and badass counterpart of Pooja. They are opposites in complete sense of the word but the bond they shares makes them both sisters and best friends. (Fun fact: Alekhya at times call Pooja Di or Elder Sister, because she was born 10 minutes before her)

Idhayan is the youngest of the three Sharma Siblings. He was adopted when he was 14 and. The three instantly clicked and he became a part of the family as if he had always been there.

Pooja had been like a mother to her siblings during their growing years. She is very responsible towards them, but the instinct of putting them before her has made her careless towards herself.

HOMETOWN:

Hometown: Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, India

The favorite thing about her hometown: The liveliness amalgamated with the calm.

CURRENT RESIDENCE:

Where does she live now?: Boston, Massachusetts, Unites States of America

Favorite thing about that place: The fine bloom of pretty flowers after chilly winters, the welcoming vibes of the city.

Has this place become a home for her?: It most definitely has.

EDUCATION:

Her Schooling: The Sanskar Valley School, Bhopal, India

Her Medical School: All India Institute of Medical Sciences, Bhopal, India

The hospital where she did her residence: Edenbrook Hospital, Boston, Massachusetts, USA

Was it her dream school/hospital? If yes, how did she feel when she got selected: She was ecstatic, over the moon. For several long moments, she felt like it was all a dream, a cherished dream she often saw at nights when she felt down. But when she realized it was all real, she she'd a few happy tears. Not only because she had proved herself to her haters and back stabbers, but also because she had made her family and herself proud.

OCCUPATION:

What is her occupation?: Doctor, specialising in Internal Medicine.

Was it always her dream occupation or did she ever want take up something else?: She wanted to be a singer when she was small and often complimented about her mellifluous voice. There was also a phase when she wanted to take up Forensics. But at the end she decided on Doctor.

What prompted her to take up her current occupation: It was her Grandmother's last wish, because she had seen what women in those times had to suffer because of the lack of health facilities, how they died while presenting a family with its future. She wanted the times to change and Pooja wanted the same. Not just for women, but for everyone who was ever denied of proper medical attention.

FRIENDS:

Who are they:

Dr Bryce Lahela (Bros)

Dr Sienna Trinh (Best Friend, Fellow Dolphin)

Dr Rafael Aveiro (The person she confides in during hard times)

Dr Elijah Greene (Her Gaming Buddy and beloved Potterhead)

Dr Jackie Varma (The person she turns to when she wants to feel alive)

Dr Aurora Emery (The once frenemy who has now became one of her closest friends)

Paramedic Luna Pagonis (The favorite person to take along on a road trip apart from Ethan)

Dr Lydia Archambeau (Fellow Liztomaniac and the person to call upon when she has 1am chocolate and B99 cravings)

Dr Alexandra Walton (Her Person, Her Twisted Sister)

Dr Mark Danvers (They are siblings. No questions asked.)

Dr Tobias Carrick (Favorite person to crack jokes with)

Dr Harper Emery (A person she looks upto)

Do they have a name for their group? If yes, then what?: They do. It's The Invincibles.

What makes their bond so strong?: They understand each, give each other space and don't hesitate to jump into trouble when their friend needs them.

Has she ever been backstabbed? By whom?: A Snake. By Dr Landry Olsen, Former colleague and friend. And by a few others in high school.

LOVE:

Current Partner: Dr Ethan Ramsey.

Relationship Status: Engaged

First Date: At Kyoto. They went on a romantic boat ride and on a walk down Philosopher's Walk which is lined by cherry blossoms. At dinner, Ethan asked her to be his girlfriend.

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

Most prized memory of their relationship for her:

The kiss at the hopeful hearts gala where they both got the courage to put restrains behind and be open in front of the world. It felt like an achievement, a milestone to her.

Their first date at Kyoto, kissing under cherry blossoms and the first cry of happy tears as they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.

When Ethan asking her to move in with the key in a chocolate box

Their proposal

Strong Points: Polite, Brave, Intelligent, Observant, Kind, Trustworthy, Optimistic.

Weaknesses: Careless (About herself), Stubborn, Can get real angry and irritated at times, Lazy, Not Punctual, Can be pessimistic at times, Messy.

One skill she is proud of: Her observation, which has helped her solve many medical cases and at times, saved her life.

One skill she wants to develop: The skill of being minimal and punctual

Heart or Mind: Heart

Intuition or Reason: It's a tie.

RANDOM Q/A:

What color does she talk in?

Light brown-ish, the colour of warm sand.

Radio or mp3?

Sunday Suspense on Radio and songs on MP3

Would she rather have clouds for feet or suns for hands?

Clouds for feet so that she could bring rains by running around amidst the serene forest and bath in sunbeams and moonshine.

What book does she need to read?

The Season of Ghosts by Ruskin Bond and The Palace of Illusions by

CDs or vinyl?

Vinyl

Does she like feeling tall?

She loves feeling tall but is satisfied with the height she has got.

Does she like wearing other people's shirts?

No, absolutely not. Only exception to the rule is Ethan.

Would she rather be the night sky or the day sky?

Night sky, or more specifically the twilight sky.

Would she rather be the moon or the sun?

The moon. She believes she is a moon child.

Who's the last person she held hands with?

Ethan

Is she outgoing or shy?

Shy

Who was the last person she had a deep conversation with?

Alexandra

What does the most recent text that she sent say?

It's Raining!

Does she believe in luck and miracles?

She does, because she has experienced it. At uncanny times, at times when she had lost all hope, she found a light at the end of the road completely by chance.

Does she like bubble baths?

She loves them.

Where would she like to travel?

To Norway and Finland.

Favorite part of her daily routine?

The minutes she spends journaling in her notebook every night.

What does she do when she wakes up?

She goes to the balcony to enjoy the cool morning breeze, which helps her to put past the sleepiness

Who is she most comfortable around?

She is the most comfortable around her close friends and her family.

Is her hair long enough for a ponytail?

Yes, it is.

Favorite thing to collect:

Vintage post cards and coins

Handwritten letters or Sticky Notes:

Handwritten letters. She writes one every week to Ethan and slips it under the door of his office.