#it’s so awesome when no matter how much effort I put in

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Yeah so that was fucking awful

[awzominator]

Day 13 Scars

the amount of effort I had to put into these and they still don’t look how I want is frustrating but alas time is not on my side

ramblings under the cut

Mikey: Gave Mikey Lichen Burns from that one time he got disintegrated and then reanimated via electricity. He died n got better and honestly it is one of the most violent injuries that I recall for him. Like he plays it off so easily cuz he has super powers and all that jazz but that’s so messed up. Also Raph yelling for him OOOFFFFF will never forget how filled w rage and hurt that dude was. He was ready to kill ❤️ Such a wild episode and I love how Mikey was so depended on in order for the plan to succeed. It was Mikey’s turn for the Self sacrificing bit and he crushed it

Leo: Get Shreddered idiot!!! The fucked up knee and throat from when he got beat up and thrown thru the window. This is def my fav event to happen which is a wild thing to say. It’s the most obvious thing to go for but I personally loved the farmhouse arc and Leo’s need for recovery. That dude is still not well and is repressing stuff but they don’t have time to heal. Their lives are too chaotic, too much is on the line, and Leo can’t afford to take the time to heal 100% none of them can tbh. I know a lot of ppl hate how 12 handled his knee injury but I loved it Bc it’s obviously not better but he’s a stubborn idiot who chooses to push everything down and out. He is the healthiest turtle for sure. I’m pretty sure in later episodes his knee gives out a few times don’t quote me tho it’s been a few years aha

Raph: His broken shell! After watching Lone Rat and Cubs and seeing where it came from, I always wondered if Splinter looks at it with loads of regret. A physical sign of his short comings that one time they almost got caught by the Kraang. A warning and a constant reminder they’ll never be safe, that splinter wont always be able to protect his babies no matter how hard he fights. I also like to HC he becomes the most hovering and overprotective of Raph while he’s still recovering Bc that shell broke so easy. Honestly seeing screen shots of close ups of Raphs shell is awesome to see both shell and plastron are broken.

Donnie: UGHHH THIS DUDEEEE !!!!! Literally had the hardest time Bc he goes thru a lot also but it’s more emotional and mental dude is fuked up in the head fr. I asked several ppl for help Bc I didn’t want to do another lichen burn thing from Karai’s trap. In the end I played around w the suggestions to see what would look most appealing to me. The scars on arm are from Slash (such a good episode thank you for the suggestion 🙌) as his arm was injured and in a sling at the end of the episode. The head scar def a big creative liberty Bc he does get injured there a lot ahah. I was thinking of Fourtrap again which lead to thinking about the time that Leo blew him up accidentally during is emo phase XD

[zepskies]

August Fic Recs

Hey, friends!

I got inspired by the awesome monthly rec posts that @winchestergirl2 and @deanwinchesterswitch put together, and decided to try this out. I might not do this every month, but we'll see! lol I now realize how much time and effort this takes, so to you guys who do this on the regular, I salute you! 🫡 😂

Note: If the author provided a summary, I'll include it. If not, and if it's untitled, I'll include the first line of the story. If it's a series and the author provided a series masterlist link in the chapter post, I'll also include it. MINORS BEWARE: a lot of this is 18+ content!

Supernatural

Dean Winchester x Reader:

@mxltifxnd0m -

Cute Glasses

Boyfriend Headcanons

@dewwinchester -

Stitches Summary: Dean texts you for help, and you drop everything for him.

@dean-winchester-is-a-warrior -

Things Learned and Unlearned | Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15 Summary: Y/N has spent her life trying to outrun her mother's reputation. When she meets the rich and successful playboy, Dean Winchester, how quickly can he get her to stop running?

Every Fucking Time Summary: You want to help Dean, but he knows you can't.

@talltalesandbedtimestories -

Just a Little Spice Summary: Dean likes to spice things up, but it would be nice if he didn’t have to put his life in danger in the process.

@luci-in-trenchcoats -

Oh, Baby Summary: When Dean is cursed on a hunt and turned into a baby, the reader has to take care of him along with Sam. Dean however, is a bit more adult than they might realize…

A Shirtless Winchester

Imagine...Breaking Dean Out of Jail

@zeppelinlvr -

"Better?" "Much" Summary: waking up next to Dean and getting ready with him.

@ohsc -

Help You

@rizlowwritessortof -

Sweet Escape - Part 1, Part 2 Summary: What happens when a friend jokingly does a spell at your birthday party to bring your cardboard standup of Dean Winchester to life?

@deans-queen -

Stolen Moments Summary: Y/N finds herself unable to resist capturing a rare, peaceful moment of Dean Winchester sleeping in a motel room. But when Dean wakes up and catches her in the act, what starts as an innocent photo op quickly turns into an intimate encounter.

Sweet Distractions Summary: Reader (Y/N) is at the bunker, working on an essay for her Child Development class. When Dean comes to check on her, his bad-boy charm quickly becomes a distraction she can’t resist, no matter how hard she tries.

@tofics -

Let There Be Light Summary: You, Dean and Sam are fighting America's monsters together. Coming from a long line of hunters, you fit right in with the Winchester boys, despite having been raised entirely different from the two. Where you were brought up with love and care, John raised Sam and Dean with rules and obedience. Seeing what Dean does for the world, you decide it's time that he gets his own share of love...

@jackles010378 -

A Sweet Treat Summary: Dean gets a little excited when Y/N makes his favourite treat.

Dean Winchester x OC:

@rizlowwritessortof -

Remember Me - Part 4

@spnbabe67 -

Girls, Girls, Girls Summary: While on a witch hunt Dean gets hit with a spell. Later at the hotel, Dean feels the effects of the spell and Tori has to help him through it.

It Takes Two Summary: Dean and Tori get roped into doing a pregnancy yoga session and he reminisces on how he found out she was pregnant. (Dean's POV)

Comfortember Day 7: Sick As A Dog Summary: When Dean wakes up sick, it's up to Tori to make him feel better again.

Comfortember 2023 Master List

The Broken Heart Trilogy Master List

Sam Winchester x Reader:

@ohsc -

Delicate

Untitled Drabble - "She wouldn't stop giggling."

The Boys

Soldier Boy x Reader:

@kaleldobrev -

Yes Ma'am (Soldier Boy x Plus-size!Reader) Summary: Macho Man Ben never thought he’d ever take orders from a woman; but now he does so with a smile (aka Ben is whipped and he doesn’t care).

After Everything Summary: You and Ben have a heart-to-heart.

@artyandink -

The Art of Heresy - Prequel, Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Summary: Modern day, 2022, and you have no clue what’s going on. You knew what you went through. You knew it was real, but why were there people trying to convince you that everything that happened to you wasn’t real. Hell, you called bullshit. But you get your chance to fight back when you get a call at your door.

Billy Butcher x Reader:

@lady-z-writes -

Untitled Drabble - "Butcher stumbles in the office. Haggard, nothing new."

Tracker

Russell Shaw x Reader:

@impala-dreamer -

Don't Mention It

@luci-in-trenchcoats -

M.I.A. Summary: When Colter Shaw calls the reader for help on a job, she thinks nothing of helping out. Only he never shows up and Colter may have just become the latest disappearance in this small town. It’s up to her and Russell to work together to find him before his case goes cold like all the others before…

Jacklesverse

Various characters portrayed by Jensen Ackles and/or crossovers:

@deanbrainrotwritings -

Jacklesverse Bingo 2023 Masterlist

@justagirlinafandomworld -

Stranded - SPN/The Boys crossover: Soldier Boy & Reader, with a mention of Dean.

@lamentationsofalonelypotato -

It's Not a Big Deal - SPN/The Boys crossover: Soldier Boy x Reader, with a side helping of Dean. Summary: Dean's in for a rude awakening when he finds out exactly what you did when you got stranded in another universe.

@artyandink -

Nature's Beauty Summary: You have stretch marks. How would the boys react to that?

Chicago Med

Will Halstead x Reader:

@deanstead -

5 Times You Held Back + 1 Time You Didn't Have To Summary: Five times you held back, and the one time you didn’t have to.

Wow, I read a lot this month! 😂 I hope you enjoy these lovely writers and their stories as much as I did. 💜

[l4zyb0n35]

THE BREAKING POINT

SMUT FIC

PAIRING: Alastor x F!Reader

SUMMARY: Y/N is a diligent worker, much to the chagrin of her partner, Alastor. Despite his efforts to get her to stop for both their sakes, Y/N remains steadfast in her duties. However, Alastor finds a loophole to this situation.

WARNINGS: Really really great awesome writing skills, Established romantic relationship, (can be seen as dating, fiancé, or married), AFAB reader, usage of Y/N, Sexual content (obv), Mature themes, Mature language, Nudity, Breastfeeding, Unprotected sex, MINORS DNI FOR UR OWN SAFTEY, Alastor manipulates her but only to get her to stop cleaning the hardwood floor, Alastor kinda controls her but not too much. Let me know if i missed anything :3

NOTICE: please don't copy or steal or translate any of my work or you will be haunted in your dreams and i will spawn something unpleasant at your porch the next day. But...thanks for liking my work !! >.< Property of @l4zyb0n35 and @genderlessdude92

WORDS: 2.4k

Requests are open, support is highly appreciated!

〰ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ..。.:*･ﾟ♫₊ ♪ *♬‧₊enjoy!~

You were a very hardworking woman around the hotel, to say the least.

Your excuse? “Well, Charlie is just dealing with so much, what’s my help going to harm but not… help?”

Ever since your dear partner, Alastor, invited you to live with him in his hotel room at the Hazbin Hotel, just to be closer as a couple,

You would not stop fucking working.

It’s driving him mad.

He has recently tried everything to get you to relax, to take it easy for once, but you were too stubborn for that. He couldn’t even believe how much work you did for such a small pay. It was honestly ridiculous since you weren’t even a maid, if that was what you were thinking.

So what if you were a bit of a clean freak, it wasn’t any reason to clean the entire damn hotel every day, including the outside, may we add.

You wouldn’t listen to his advice though, no matter how many times he told you to stop.

“Y/N, I swear if you keep cleaning the hotel I’m gonna…do something very bad,” he threatened one day while you were scrubbing down the lobby.

You chuckled, ignoring his threat.

“Don’t worry about me, sweetheart, m’ not gonna lose a limb.” you said with a smile.

Alastor sighed, watching as you continued to scrub the floors.

“You’re just being stubborn, Y/N,” he mumbled under his breath.

‘My last resort, I suppose.’ he concluded in his thoughts, looking around to make sure nobody would hear them.

After making sure that they were alone at the scene, he walked back over to you, trying to fix his composure.

“…When will you come back to bed with me, dear? It’s been cold without you.” Alastor said, kneeling down to her level as he put on his fake facade.

You paused for a moment and turned to him, “Aw, Al, you miss my spot being filled in the bed?” You said, rubbing his shoulder.

He nodded, “It’s never the same without you, I’m afraid.” He tried to soften his smile.

“…You’re not just saying that, right?” You said, losing your smile and pausing your hand.

“What? No-no. I would never lie to you dear.” He said, defending himself.

“…When do you want me in bed, hm?” You said, picking up your supplies and ignoring your suspicions, “I need to shower, after all.” You added.

Alastor stood up, “Now?” He asked, trying to sound hopeful.

“Mm, sure.” You nodded, walking off with your bucket of cleaning supplies.

He silently celebrated his victory.

* * *

Alastor’s ears perked up as he heard the shower turn off.

He was currently laying in bed with only a robe on and some boxers, staring off into the bayou and he brainstormed what he could do to get you to stop working.

He decided a couple minutes ago that his only option left were to ‘have intercourse’.

It was quite smart, actually. All he had to do was take your ability to walk.

So he waited as your blow dried your hair, trying to ignore his unpleasant boner from beneath the cloth of his boxers.

He waited even more when you picked which robe to wear to bed,

which, as you stepped out the steamy chamber, was a red silk robe with Alastor’s initials on it, your favorite.

He had a smug look on his face, seeing you step out in his clothing.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were waiting for me.” You said, seeing Alastor sitting up in bed.

He smiled at you, “No worries, dear,” he said, standing up and putting his hands on your hips.

“I was just waiting for you to come to bed.” He said, bringing his lips close to yours.

You laughed softly, pulling back after a moment, “What’s the occasion, dear?” You rested your forehead on his, closing your eyes.

“Hmm?” He asked, confused.

“Why are you acting so lovey-dovey with me? Is it Valentine’s Day already?” You laughed again, resting your head against his chest.

“Oh, don’t act so surprised, darling.” He said, leaning forward and kissing your temple.

“But, really, what’s the occasion?” You asked, moving back to give him space.

“Well…” He said, thinking quickly, “I figured you deserved a break after all of that hard work you put in recently.” He said, smiling again.

“Oh, your so sweet, Al.” You commented, caressing his cheek.

He leaned into your touch, “Yes…so i decided, what better to do so than taking your ability to walk for the next morning?” He sighed sweetly.

You paused, “…forget about Valentine’s day, did rut season come early?” You said, raising an eyebrow.

Alastor grinned, “It’ll definitely feel like it.” He said, grabbing your waist and laid you flat on the bed.

He moved down to your neck, kissing and suckling on it.

“Alastor…” You laughed out softly, more in a mumble.

“…Sshh, just let me do my thing, okay?” He whispered in your ear, continuing into your neck until he was sure to leave a mark, latching off of it with a ‘pop’.

He then made his way down, stopping at your breasts, cupping them in his hands and giving each nipple a gentle tug before resting his lips onto one of them.

He sucked and nibbled on it, moving to the other breast and doing the same.

He stopped, hearing you moan quietly under him, “Are you enjoying yourself?” He asked, looking up at your face.

“Oh, yes,” you gasped out, feeling your legs go weak as you lay there, “Keep going.” You added, running your fingers through his hair.

Alastor smiled, continuing to kiss your breasts until he felt you get wetter and wetter.

He sat up, sliding your robe off of you and throwing it somewhere across the room, leaving you in just your panties.

His eyes widened a bit at the sight of your body, “How did i end up with a sinner so beautiful.” He said, resting his head on your stomach, giving the fat of your hip a squeeze.

He ran his hands up and down your thighs, stopping at your panties and pulled them off of you, tossing them aside.

He then spread your legs apart and started to rub your clit gently with his thumb.

You let out a soft moan as you let out a jolt throughout your body from the contact, “F-fuck…” You breathed.

Alastor smiled and brought his free hand to your mouth, “Lick.” He commanded, placing his index finger on your tongue.

You obeyed, tasting your juices on his fingers.

He swiftly pulled the claw out your mouth, then slowly slipping two of them into your gummy walls.

You moaned out again as he curled his fingers inside you, thrusting them in and out of your hole.

He pulled his fingers out of you, sucking them clean as he moved your body to the center of the bed, sitting on his knees atop of you.

“Now,” he grabbed your left left, throwing it stop his shoulder, “You know the safe word, dear?” He said, grabbing ahold of his member and teasing your entrance with it.

You nodded, moving your hips for some more friction.

“Needy, I see…” You pulled his cock farther from her, “I need words, dear.”

“Y-yes, Alastor…” You struggled out.

He started to fist his member slowly, “Wouldn’t want to hurt my prized possession.”

After a moment, he pulled his hand away to put another leg up on his shoulder, scooting in and rubbing his duck along your slick folds.

“O-oh….” You breathed out as his meat hit your nub, “P-Put it in, Al…” You mumbled.

“Hm, what was that?” He stoped his member, resting it upon your nub as a tease.

You bit your lip, grinding against his dick, desperate for him to put it in.

He chuckled, pulling it back, making you stop.

You let out a whimper.

Alastor looked at you with a lustful look, his smile widening. “I need you to beg for it, dear.” He claimed, enjoying the moment.

You blushed, looking away for a moment.

Alastor tilted his head, grabbing his member again and started fisting it slowly.

You gulped, looking back at him, still not meeting his gaze, and whispered something incoherent.

He grasped your chin, turning it so you would look at him. “What’s wrong dear? losing interest in my so suddenly?” He said, making you shake your head, “Hm…then beg for it.”

"Please, Alastor, put yourself inside of me, fill me up, fuck me, please!” You begged, moving your hips for a feeling.

He stopped your hips, growling as he pushed himself inside of you without any warning, making you moan loudly.

“F-fuck…” you cursed from the sudden movement, trying to squirm away automatically.

Alastor noticed this, pausing his movement as he grabbed your arms, then your hips and waist, getting you to stop, “What’s wrong dear?”

You looked at him, “…k-kiss me?”

He smiled softly, “Anything for my doe.” he said, leaning down and kissing you directly on the mouth.

Although, as he leaned down, his dick moved further inside you, causing you to let out a jolt once again.

He caressed your hair, “It’s already in, dear,” he mumbled lovingly on your lips, “you’ve done your work, now just relax. I’ll do everything else.”

Waiting until you nodded, he pulled away and slowly began to pull out, before thrusting in swiftly, but gently.

You whimpered softly, gripping the sheets under you.

He pulled out and pushed in again, slowly building a rhythm.

He began to thrust faster, more cruel, “Oh, Alastor…” you moaned out, holding your hands around his neck.

Wet skin slapping together filled the room’s noises, alongside the crickets in the bayou, making you blush from the awkward noises.

Alastor noticed this, beginning to buff out his breaths and growls, and silently sent over his shadow to turn on the radio to a quiet, intimate jazz station.

“Hah…Alastor…” You breathed out as he shushed you, thrusting faster.

His cock rubbed against your walls, hitting all the right spots.

After a while, Alastor started to feel a familiar coil in his abdomen, grunting as he forced his hips to go at an ungodly pace, making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“Gonna fuck you so good, darling…” He huffed, “Fill you up…you won’t be leaving this bed, understand?” Making you look at him directly and he moved your head with a tendril.

“Y-yes, Alastor…” You mumbled, trying to hold eye contact.

“Good girl…” He awarded verbally, growing another tendril into sight as he moved it down to run your clit, getting a high pitched moan out of you.

“F-faster, Al…I feel it…” You tightened your legs on him, tensing up.

As your tits bounced up and down from the thrusts, you couldn’t help but have to cover them because of the breeze from the bayou-

“No,” he immediately said, lifting one of his hands from clawing at the sheets and placing your hands around his neck, immediately diving down to suckle on your breasts.

“O-oh, yes!” You cried out, feeling his tongue circle around your nubs as he switched between the two.

You groaned as you felt the familiar coil in your abdomen grow after a couple thrusts, “I’m g-gonna cum soon, Al…” You scratched at his back in pleasure, trying to chase at your orgasm.

That’s when he didn’t switch to another breast, but kept sucking on one of them, rubbing and squeezing the other with his hand, making you wonder what he was doing,

Until you felt some milk come out of them.

“Ah-Ah! Alastor! I’m close!” You said, your legs shaking violently as you felt the intensity of him suck and squeeze milk out of you.

He growled, fastening his pace even more, making them even more tougher and he enter and exited your womb space, “Come for me, darling, let me hear you sing for me…”

His dirty talk only got you closer and closer to your edge, until,

You threw your head back into the mattress, arching your back as you let out a blissful cry of pleasure, clenching around him as you rode your orgasm, struggling to even keep your eyes open.

Alastor let out a beastly growl as his form quickly morphed to a more intimidating one as he shoved he cock into you one last time, releasing his seed inside you.

His cum leaked out of you as he slowly pulled out, quickly stuffing his fingers inside your hole so the cum would stay.

“What a good little for you are to me…” He said, admiring the mess you both made on the bed, and then just you laying there.

Noticing how you were still breathing heavily, not moving your body unless a little twitch, he leaned down to whisper softly, “How about some cold water, dear? Think this’ll help you relax?” He asked dotingly, making you nod instantly.

That made him chuckle, moving over to the edge of the bed as he stood up, going over to the nightstand and placing a water pitcher there from the shadows, and walking over the the bathroom for a towel.

***

As he came back from the bathroom with a hot rag in the hand, he noticed how you were half asleep, yet still conscious, which made him laugh softly as he place the rag down by the pitcher, crawling over to you.

“Mon Cher, you’re all fucked out by yours truly.” He smiled softly, fetching the rag from the nightstand with his shadow as he began to wipe your cunt clean.

When he was done, he then took notice of your breasts, how there were some stray milk on them.

Shrugging and tossing the rag aside, he leaned down and softly licked the milk off your chest.

You giggled softly in your daze, “Alastor…” You rubbed your eyes.

When he finished up, he filled a glass of water from the pitcher and turned back to you, sitting you up gently as he tipped the glass of water to your lips.

“Think you’ll be walking tomorrow?” He wondered aloud.

“Hm…will you stay with me here if i don’t?” You asked as you finished your glass.

He placed the cup down, “Of course dear,” he promised, crawling under the sheets beside you, sending his shadow to turn off the lights in the room as he cuddled close to your fragile state,

“Sleep well, dear.”

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END NOTES: I LEARNED HOW TO SPELL AWKWARD FROM WRITING THIS LETS FUCKING GO!!!! All jokes aside, (not really, now clap), i hope this fic actually turns out well because i spent 5 minutes trying to copy and paste this into a word counter and then 2 more minutes pasting this fic here because my phone sucks and it’s broken and i hate it and abuse it but like…i just hope it does well. I (hypothetically) put blood sweat and TEARS into this fic and idgaf what you think because it’s amazing for a first fic on this blog. Notes and comments, maybe even reblogs *wink wink* and also REQUESTS!!! Requests are my best friend, and always open unless I’m on vacation (which i’ll always announce). I love you guys ^^ !!

-Lynn Lazybones

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩

Masterlist Link

Comment to be apart of my TAGLIST <3

[realvicoba]

My views on Gon's rage scene!! 🤓🫶

Let's get this out of the way first— is Gon a selfish monster?

Let me show some nuance in his rage scene and tunnel vision onto Pitou, how he hurt Killua, and his threats on an innocent girl.

Even while filled with rage to the point of almost losing himself and dealing a killing blow to Morel at that phase of his life, he was still worried about Palm's safety and one of the first to realize the inherent danger Knuckle and Meleoron were in on that staircase and the possibility of Youpi not having an oppenent.

He still had the wit and the care for his comrades.

And when Knuckle came on screen while Gon was actively seething in front of Pitou, he still made an effort to let Knuckle know that Pouf was a liar.

So we saw two little scenes where Gon showed that despite his rage and goal, he still put time aside to help his comrades. In the middle of all the anger, all the guilt, and the bloodthirst— he didn't forget his bros.

We already know he did wrong things. Threatening Komugi was very shocking, but as I've mentioned in my Gon character study— it was a moment of anger, confused morals and desperation to keep the monster in control.

With that out the way, let's get to the main course... How he hurt Killua.

Killua wants to be relied on, no matter the cost. He wants this to be like the volleyball match where Gon could only rely on him regardless of how much pain it could cause Killua— he wants them to go down in flames together, a "lover's suicide" as the original Japanese text says.

He wants to be proven to once more that Gon needs him and no one else, that he can't go alone. Killua needs to feel important that way, he needs to feel worthwhile, that he can do something for his best friend to help him the way no one else can.

Gon going off on his own like that broke that source of comfort and self worth Killua had created in Gon needing him.

And if anything, I think it was very important for Killua's character.

It was incredibly important for Killua to be pushed away at that moment, to not be allowed to sacrifice himself, and in turn get the time to rethink what he needs and wants to do with his life and his views on friendship.

And having to clean up an impossible mess after him put into perspective just how important Killua is, and that's why he was so adament on being the one to save Gon.

It's honestly such an interesting scene— It's not like Killua suddenly did a 180, but something this severe and seeing Gon's immature side and flaws on display more had a huge hand in his character development.

That's Killua's side, what about Gon's? We know both of them love each other dearly, and while Killua wished to go down with him, Gon wanted to be the one to carry that burden. Alone.

"I killed him."

Even though Killua was there too, and blamed himself as well. Gon didn't consider him responsible at all despite him running away as well, and Killua saying so.

And Gon comforts Killua, and himself.

As much as Killua sees Gon as the light, Gon sees him as the voice of reason. His awesome, smart friend who does no wrong— both have each other on a pedestal.

Though blinded by confusion and rage during the fight, he undervalued Killua's judgment, but still listened enough to wait for Pitou to finish healing Komugi.

And I also believe Gon was saving up his rage for that moment.

It was his battle, because it's his fault. Killua has no business because not only did Kite not hold as much importance to him, but because he had no fault in the matter— Killua didn't need to sacrifice himself again.

So, while Killua was willing to die alongside his friend and carry the burden together, Gon wanted to be the only one sacrificing himself and carrying that burden. He said so in the Yorknew city arc, and he proved it in the CAA.

He loves Killua, and it even shows in his harsher and cruel words.

I hope this made sense 🙏

[detailtilted]

In Search of Supernatural Fans from the Early Years

Hi! I’m looking for the legends who originally recorded old Supernatural convention panels featuring Jared or Jensen, or possibly Misha. See "What I'm Looking For" below. If you know one of them, or if you're a member of a community with people who were in the fandom in those early years, I’d greatly appreciate it if you could let them know about this post. I can be reached at DetailTilted@gmail.com or here on Tumblr.

If you aren’t familiar with my project, see the “Project Background” section below. This is not a low-effort exercise to merely repackage old videos. I’m putting many hours of work into each video to improve their watchability and accessibility. I will always credit my sources unless you wish to remain anonymous.

Even if your videos are on YouTube, I’m likely to have more success upscaling them if I can get the original video files. Thanks to the videos AgtSpooky kindly sent me, I've learned how big of a difference it can make when I have the original files to work with. That's why I’m putting more effort into finding those elusive original video takers.

The problem is that they all seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. Most of their YouTube accounts, LiveJournal accounts, and whatever other accounts I’ve dug up haven’t had any activity in 10-15 years. I’ve left a few messages on some of them, but I doubt they’ll be seen on dormant accounts. I’ve also gone down some crazy and twisted Googling paths trying to find current contact info for them, but without much success. In one case I even messaged the wrong person, who was at least kind enough to reply to the psycho asking for videos to let me know she wasn't the person I'd hoped she was. Oops!

What I’m Looking For

I’ve already finished CHICON 2007, Comic-Con 2008, and CHICON 2008, so I don’t need videos from those events, but I’d be happy to try to upscale your videos for your own collection if you have some you'd like to send me.

Actually, I could use CHICON 2008 Breakfast videos if you have any. I plan to attempt to redo that video either late this year or early next year.

I’ve been trying especially hard to reach people with original video files from either LA 2009 or Asylum 3 (2009), and I’d also be ecstatic to get some from LA 2008.

Any other old con videos you’re willing to share that have Jared or Jensen in them would be awesome. I hope to get to all the old conventions eventually. I haven’t yet defined “old”, so I don’t have a specific cutoff point.

Even if you just have audio files without video, those could be helpful too.

Length doesn't matter. Both long and short videos are welcome. Maybe I won't end up using them all, but the more options I have the better. Even if I don't put your video in my final edit, it would still be used because I always listen to every single video I can find when I'm finalizing my subtitles. Each video sounds at least a little different, and sometimes just hearing the audio in a slightly different way lets me catch a subtitle I'd missed or misheard.

Also, just to be clear, it isn’t necessarily my intent to exclude Misha. I’ve watched and enjoyed many of his convention videos and I liked Castiel for the most part, especially in the earlier seasons. I’m just not obsessed with Misha like I am with Jared and Jensen, and these videos do take quite a lot of work, so I’ve been putting my energy where my greatest interests lie. I’ll absolutely be including him when he’s in panels with Jared and/or Jensen, and in the future I may consider doing some of his solo panels.

So if you have original video files of Misha's solo panels that you’d like to send me, I’d be happy to add them to my stockpile for future possible use. If your videos turn out to be mostly complete, and if they upscale easily, then I might go ahead and do his panel at the same time I do the other panels from the same convention. If they'll take more effort to work with, I’ll probably skip them for now, but I may come back and tackle them if/when I run out of old Jared and Jensen videos to work with.

For any con videos you send me, regardless of whether I use them or not, I’d be happy to try to upscale them and send them back to you for your collection. I can’t always get things to upscale, so I can’t promise success, but I’ll definitely try.

Project Background - Enhanced Edition Con Videos

You can find my videos on my YouTube channel. (If you're already familiar with my project, skip to the next section -- there's nothing new to see here.)

I started this project in December 2023 to enhance old convention videos. My goal is to make them easier on the eyes and more accessible to both new and old fans from around the world. The videos on YouTube from that time can be difficult both to watch and to understand due to a combination of the older technology used to record them, the difficult recording conditions the fans were working with, and the lack of subtitles that make any sense.

I’m enhancing the videos as follows:

Visual Improvements: I’m upscaling the videos if possible, making color corrections if needed, and adding some slight stabilization to reduce the jitteriness. The end result is far from perfect because there’s only so much that current technology can do, but it's noticeably improved if you compare it to the originals.

Subtitles: I’m adding good, color-coded, English subtitles that can be turned on or off through YouTube’s CC button. The color-coding makes it more clear who's saying what when multiple people are speaking, and YouTube can auto-translate them into other languages to improve the accessibility.

Multiple Sources: If one video has gaps in it, then I'll try to find another that I can edit in to fill those gaps so the end result is as complete as possible. If I have more than one source that captured the same portion of the event, then I'll cut to whichever video I think had the best view of the action. In a few cases I’ve added a split screen with two different videos showing simultaneously so we can see action that's taking place in two separate areas. For example, when Jared and Jensen are on opposite sides of the stage. (There were also the infernal talking head bubbles on my Comic-Con 2008 video which nearly made me throw in the towel, but taught me a lot. 😅)

Extra Content for Context: These older videos don’t take up the full width of a modern video frame, so I’ve taken advantage of the extra space to display some still images with text to add extra context for many of the things they discuss. Some things are a lot funnier, or at least a lot more relevant, when you know exactly what they’re talking about. I clarify Supernatural episode references and pop culture references among other things. Sometimes I’ve also inserted short video clips, usually just a few seconds’ worth, if I thought it would add worthwhile clarity or entertainment to the topic at hand.

Current Project Status

If anyone has been wondering how I’m doing on my current video and what’s next… I’m almost done with the last video from CHICON 2008, which was Jensen’s solo panel. I should be ready to publish it on YouTube this Friday, May 24. I plan to use the same schedule as last time and put the Tumblr post up the following Tuesday when it’s a little more likely to be noticed here.

The next sequential conventions are LA 2009 and Asylum 2009, but I haven’t had much success in my attempts to upscale the available videos. If I were to work with what I have now, I know I could turn out something better than what’s on YouTube today, but the end result wouldn’t be nearly as good as what I might be able to achieve if I can get some original videos to work with. So I think it’s more logical to skip over these conventions for now and give it some time to see if I get any responses, in hope of a better end result.

I do intend to come back to the skipped conventions eventually, even if nobody sends me anything. Once I run out of conventions for which I can upscale the videos, if I still don't have anything better to work with for the ones I skipped, I’ll just do the best I can with what’s available. Even if I can't upscale, I can still do color corrections and stabilization, plus the subtitles and extra content. Some of these panels are split up into a bunch of very short videos, so it would also add value if I can combine them into something more sequential and cohesive. (I found 130 videos from the Jared and/or Jensen panels at LA 2009, and most of them were under 2 minutes long. 🤣) I don’t know if there’s enough footage to cover the entire panels seamlessly, but I’m itching to get my hands on that jigsaw puzzle of videos to try to make sense out of them.

So… the next videos I intend to work on will be from Vancouver 2009. This is one of the conventions that AgtSpooky attended and sent me videos for and they upscaled very well. Her breakfast video had already found its way onto YouTube, but wasn't properly credited. Her main panel videos aren't on YouTube as far as I could find, so that version may be new to newer fans. I'm only just starting to play around with upscaling the other sources out there, but my first attempt at the other main Breakfast source came out well. Both breakfast videos were taken from extreme opposite angles, so that should provide some useful editing opportunities. I’d still love to get more videos of this event if anyone has them.

If you made it this far, I am in awe. Sorry for putting this wall of text on your screen! 😅

[salty-croissants]

I’m literally in love with your stuff. Can you maybe to Bullfrog and Rayman with an autistic reader?

Thank you for the request ! 

I’m so happy you’ve been enjoying my writings , it really means a lot ❤️

I gotta say I was a bit worried about not doing this one right … I did put a few things that I personally find relatable as someone who is autistic myself , thought it would be nice to include is all , I hope this works ! 

Details : use of gender neutral reader ; 

established relationships ; 

no warnings needed 

Bullfrog 💚 

So , this frog man ? He loves you unconditionally , and he just really wants you to know that he will always accept you and your unique traits , even when you feel insecure about them …

< I … I don’t know , Bullfrog … sometimes I just feel like all I’m doing is being a burden to y - > 

< Non . Don’t even finish that . 

You’re the most wonderful person I have ever met , y/n , and there isn’t a single day in which I’m not thankful for having you in my life . > 

< Really … ? > 

< Oui , mon amour . I long for nothing more than being with you . > 

< *sniff* > 

< Oh - Are you alright ? I’m so sorry , I didn’t mean to make you cry - > 

< Heh … it’s okay … I’m just really happy . 

I love you so much ~ >

  Bullfrog loves listening to you enthusiastically going on and on about something you’re passionate about , especially when he’s not having a good day : 

just hearing the sound of your voice is so , so very comforting to him … if he could he would sit beside you for days , his attention reserved for you and you alone . 

< … and what’s even more awesome is that there is actually a really subtle easter egg hidden in the background which changes the entire narrative for that charact - 

… wait , how long have I been … ? >

< That is very interesting my dear ! 

Please keep going , j'adore le son de ta voix ~ >

< Aww - > 

Your adorable expressions when he showers you with compliments …

Bullfrog can’t even begin to describe how happy they make him ://)

If being around people gets too overwhelming , Bullfrog is quick to pick up on that and he’ll immediately get you someplace more quiet , willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you’re comfortable and safe … 

< Is this really okay ? I’m so sorry , it’s just … it was so crowded and loud in there , and I … >

< Mon cher , there is no reason for you to be sorry … let’s just stay here for now , then if you wish to try and go back in we can do that , or we can always go back home : I assure you , you’ve already done more than enough tonight … I am very proud of you , and you should be too . > 

And if one day something starts making you very , very anxious ? 

Well , no matter what the reason is and no matter how small it might be Bullfrog is going to stay close to you to help you out in whatever way he can .

< I’m so sorry for making you put up with me like this … you already have so much to take care of , and this … is just dumb . > 

< y/n , ce n'est pas te supporter , you know that .

I want to be there for you , the same way you’re always there for me …

I promise you , we can find a way out of this , you don’t have to deal with it on your own . > 

< Thank you so much , Bullfrog … you’re amazing ~ > 

< Ce serait toi , my dear … I’m truly blessed to have you by my side ~ > 

Rayman 🧡

Saying that you mean a lot to this man would be an understatement …

You mean absolutely everything to him , so you better believe that Rayman will always be careful about all the things that could potentially make you uncomfortable , remembering them all very accurately .

< Here sweetie , hold my hand for a moment … > 

< Oh - okay , but why ? > 

< We’re gonna need to pass through that crowd over there , it should be quick but I don’t want you to get overwhelmed by having many people and loud noises all around , so let’s just stay close until we get through … > 

< Thanks Ray … just … don’t let go , please . > 

< I would never . > 

All the effort Rayman puts into making you feel as comfortable as possible no matter where the two of you are … it never fails to warm your heart . 

If anyone even remotely says something mean spirited about you … 

Ohh boy , he’s not going to let it slide .

< Uh , excuse me ? WHAT was that about my partner ? > 

< Ray , honey , it’s okay … > 

Yeah , Rayman is definitely very protective of you , and he will defend you with no hesitation if anyone dares to try and make you feel inadequate in any way . 

Rayman loves listening to you talk about whatever topics come to your mind while he’s working …

It actually helps him focus quite a lot , and he really never gets bored of seeing how happy you look when info dumping about something you’re passionate about .

You’re just so pretty ! He can’t get over it …

If you tend to lose focus to the point of forgetting to take care of yourself , Rayman has got you covered : he makes sure to remind you to eat and drink water often , even leaving little notes in places where he knows you’ll find them …

“Important : remember to eat today ! <3”

“If you’re reading this … get a glass of water !” 

His devotion to you is nothing less than adorable … but then again , you’re the person he cares about most , the one that showed him kindness without asking for anything in return , so now ? 

Rayman deems it only fair to repay that kindness in his own way . 

[toxicanonymity]

Hey, this person has directly credited you as their ideas for their character bots

https://poe.com/pedroxo

[ Background: an account made AI bots of my fics and others to various extents. I had an anxiety attack quietly watching Tumblr melt down over this topic. When the dust settled, this post was the first and last I said about it to address continued inquiries. ]

unauthorized AI Bots of fics

Thank you everyone who kindly let me know about the >25 unauthorized bots using content from my fics.

Listen, I strongly relate to the desire to talk to these characters - I've said it before. I appreciate how invested someone must be to go to all this effort, and I appreciate the credit. But it's not right and I'm not comfortable with it. You may not realize what it feels like to the writer. It feels like a violation.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the first incident for me. Someone once made a bot of my fic 4 days after I publicly said not to in response to an ask. I didn't find out until it had almost 1k "chats" and you'll see I use that term very loosely under the cut.

I've said don't do this, and it's in my masterlist. I've even shared my anxiety about being so slow to update that people take matters into their own hands. I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm tired.

Please don't do this. And when you see chatbots built on fics, please alert the writers.

IMPORTANT The bots are down. I don't want the person to be harassed - i think that's obvious based on my tone from the start.

Beyond these, there were more bots from night walks, slasher, and stepdad, ones from Raider and Speakeasy and even a few from hypotheticals I published like when stepdad goes to jail for indecent exposure or when you aren't getting wet for raider joel.

Night Walks: Original, Soaked

Left in Lincoln pt. 1; jalbird

Slasher: Midnight Tow, Stop Playing

Stepdad: Clock, Ring Doorbell

Sorry I was too overwhelmed to do the IMG text on each of these but it's basically just snippets from the works listed.

After being contacted, the person copied and pasted a message to multiple writers saying they were sorry, didn't know what they were doing, were deactivating their acct. They asked to spread their message, and said have an amazing day/night.

------

Past Incident

IMGs: 1) I answered an ask August 16 saying no. The asker had "offered" to credit me. 2) August 20, someone made a bot without credit. This is worse imo and suggests trying to hide their actions.

I told a lot of people about this, but it was an isolated bot unlike the profile discovered 2/23.

IMG: comparison of left in lincoln text to the bot.IMG: A seven paragraph narrative bot output. Obviously failed my test if you've read the fic.

-----

ANYWAY

If you're not already on ao3, I recommend signing up. This isn't a threat to leave, but I may not put everything on Tumblr forever. My AO3 profile.

Edit: I like tumblr because I like answering lore and questions and getting thots, plus my blog is very multimedia with many awesome contributions from different people. Please help keep it that way, because your interaction is why I'm here. I value everyone's engagement here.

For many reasons, I'm less and less comfortable with Tumblr being the primary home for all my writing. I'm aware people can still take things from AO3, but not as easily. I'm trying to be nice by preemptively suggesting people sign up on AO3 if they want to read everything. If it's not worth the trouble to you, just don't do it.

----

Ty very much to those who have been supportive and checked on me. It means a lot. I will admit this made me put on a hat and cry in public lol.

feel free to rb this because idk if everyone realizes the extent of this or how jarring it can look.

[dudadragneel]

YOU BLINKED AND HERE I AM WITH ANOTHER SICKFIC (a little drabble, but an interesting one)

🦄 So I was watching the recent SKZ talker right and there was this scene (I’ll link it) and I got this idea. So it’s after one of their performances and they’re all really exhausted. So I thought, imagine him feeling really really dizzy and nauseous so you tell him that it’s probably because he hasn’t eaten so you sit down next to him while he eats. But he doesn’t stop feeling sick to he tells you that he’s going to the bathroom and leaves for a while but then he texts you saying he needs you to come to him. When you get there you ask him what’s wrong and he asks you to help him throw up.

Thank you, dear Liza! For making this cute header, I loved it 💜🥹

120% EFFORT

To say their choreographies were hard was an understatement. They never ceased to amaze you when it came to performances. And for this last comeback? S-Class? Sometimes you got yourself wondering if they were really humans and what went through their mind when creating such hard choreos.

You were watching as they recorded for one of the music shows over and over again, and couldn't help but feel amazed and tired for them. Unfortunately they had to record this several times if there was even the tiniest mistake, given how perfectionist they were.

Your eyes were glued on Hyunjin, he always gave 120% on his dance no matter how tired or injured he was, as you had already seen before.

He looked absolutely amazing and mesmerizing and everytime you thought to yourself that the take was perfect, they did it one more time. It was safe to say that they recorded at least 5 times.

When they finally managed to get the perfect stage, everyone was sweating as if water had been poured on them and were completely out of breath.

You were waiting for Hyunjin in the dressing room along with the staff and cheered when the boys entered the room. They were all out of breath and clearly tired but had sincere smiles across their faces nonetheless.

You ran to Hyunjin hugging him and kissing him as you congratulated him on another amazing performance.

- Honey! That was awesome!

- Thank you babe.

You were happy but you noticed right away when you got close to him that something seemed off, he was sweating too much and was a little bit pale.

- You okay?

- Yeah...I just feel really dizzy...and sick...

- You're probably tired. You danced five times in a row. And you haven't eaten much today right?

- hm...

- Then let's eat.

- Okay .

Hyunjin was feeling nauseous but also hungry, and those two feelings were fighting watch other inside his stomach and he wasn't happy about that. But he knew that not eating anything would just worsen the nausea he was already feeling.

You handed him a packed lunch and sat down next him with the boys for a well-deserved meal. Just like their choreographies, it also amazed you how much these boys could eat. Which wasn't a surprise given how much they danced and worked, and it also explained why they didn't gain as much weight.

They kept chatting about the performance and how STAYs were really excited even if they were watching the same stage more than once.

But Hyunjin was quiet, he just ate slowly engaging in the conversation every so often. You noticed it and also did the boys.

- Hyune-ah, you okay?

- Hm? Yeah.

He said looking up and chewing his food. He looked way too cute even though he was clearly not that well.

- You sure? You look off...

- I'm just tired...

The boys went back to the conversation and you kept eating and looking at Hyunjin, noticing how he still looked pale and sweaty.

He was feeling horrible, something wasn't right. His stomach was gurgling and the nausea wasn't going away, no matter how much he ate or drink, that awful feeling just insisted on lingering around.

He felt something weird in his stomach, it wasn't pain but it also felt too strange to be nausea but he knew he needed to go to the bathroom. He put down whatever he was eating and wiped his hands, that were starting to tingle a little.

- I'm gonna go to the bathroom...

- Hm? Okay.

He grabbed his phone and left. In the hallway to the bathroom he started praying that it didn't have anybody there, he didn't want to be sick in front of people. But before he got to the bathroom, what he was feeling in the dressing room had gotten a bit worse. The tingling sensation in his hands had increased, his stomach felt heavy and his breathing was strange, he felt out of breath as if he has just gotten off stage and his vision had black dots.

Shit! Am I gonna faint?

That's what crossed his mind, he needed to get to that bathroom quickly. He just turned around the corner and entered the bathroom and went straight into one of the stalls and closed it behind him.

He lost strength in his legs and kneeled in front of the toilet, the weird feeling in his stomach increased ten fold and he ducked his head in the toilet as a harsh gag cut through his body but nothing came out. He started feeling cold and hot at the same time, he felt cold sweat soaking his outfit and he was sure his makeup was melting off his face.

Another strong wave of nausea made him gag unproductively again and it just kept adding strain to his already tired body.

The dual feeling of burning and being cold got worse, his hands and mouth were tingling and his stomach kept feeling weird. He managed to stand up a little, only to stumble to the wall next to him, thank God for that wall, and then faint.

You were starting to get worried, it had been a few minutes since he left and he still hadn't come back.

- Y/n, where's Hyunjin?

- He said he was going to the bathroom.

- Is he okay?

- I hope so...

A few minutes later you got a text from him:

- babe. Can you come here?

- What happened?

- I'm not feeling well.

- Okay. Hold on.

- Shit!

You cursed under your breath and the boys noticed.

- what's wrong?

- Hyunjin just texted me. He said he's not feeling well.

- Really?

- I'll go see what's wrong. I'll text you guys.

- okay

-IN THE BATHROOM A FEW MINUTES BEFORE-

Hyunjin slowly regained consciousness, his ears were still ringing and his vision was fuzzy. Thankfully he didn't fall on the ground, he managed to slid down the wall on a sitting position.

Along with the confusion of trying to take in his surroundings and taking control back of his body, his stomach felt even worse than before with a strong wave of nausea suddenly ripping through him making him stumble to the toilet just in time for a harsh gag bring up an insignificant amount of saliva and bile, considering how miserable he felt.

He kept kneeling in front of the toilet, trying to expell whatever was revolting inside him in failed attempts.

He tried gag forcefully and contract his stomach but nothing was working and the nausea persisted.

At some point he gave up, he felt miserable and in pain, his head was pounding and he still felt faint, so he decided to text you, he needed you by his side and your help.

- NOW -----

You ran to the bathroom as soon as you got the text and you didn't care if it was the men's restroom.

You entered and started calling Hyunjin, who answered weakly signaling he was at the last stall.

- Babe, I'm coming in.

You opened the door to find Hyunjin sitting down on the floor, leaning against the wall looking as white as the wall itself. His forehead was damp with sweat and he was shaking a little.

- Oh my god! Hyune! What happened baby!?

You said as you kneeled in front of him.

- I...I felt something weird in my stomach...I came here and tried to throw up but I ended up fainting...

- why didn't you tell me before you left the room?

- I don't know...I'm sorry...

- No, do not apologize.

You grabbed his hands and noticed how cold they felt.

- Babe....My stomach....

- what is it?

- I want to throw up...but I tried to and nothing's coming up...and the nausea just won't go away....help me, please.

- Okay. I'll help you.

You helped him position himself kneeling in front of the toilet while you stood by his side. His hair was already tied up from the stage so you could focus yourself on his stomach.

His mouth was filling up with saliva and kept spitting it out and forcing gags, but none of it were working so you decided to step up. You'd rather not have to do this but he was clearly in agony and he had asked you to do it.

- Babe, excuse me, okay?

- Hmm...

Instead of rubbing his back as you would normally do, you went for his stomach. You rubbed it gently, in circles, applying a little bit of pressure each time, trying to stimulate him.

He gagged a few times but still unproductive. You insisted on the approach a few more times.

- Babe, I'm sorry, I'll be a little more rough this time okay?

You said as you placed your hand exactly at the pit of his stomach and pressed it a little stronger than before. And again he gagged and only a thin stream of bile came out and both of you knew that wasn't everything that needed to come out.

- Babe...it just won't go away and my stomach just keeps gurgling...

There were tears forming in his eyes, his agony just insisted and it was hurting you to see him like this. You didn't want to resort to this method but it was the last thing up your sleeve to help him.

- Babe, I'll need to induce it okay? It's gonna be bad but bare with me, alright?

You kept one of your hands on his stomach while you stuck your fingers down his throat. At the same time you moved your fingers you pressed down a little harder on his stomach and as soon as you did that, he felt something rushing up his esophagus and a burp brought up a thick stream of undigested food that escaped through your fingers before hitting the toilet water with a sickening sound.

- There we go.

You said as you took out your hand and wiped it while the other kept rubbing his stomach.

Before he could catch his breath another stream gushed out of him, this time coming from his nose as well. And the texture was gross, he had just eaten so it all came back as thick as possible, which made it hard to come out, there was barely any liquid in his vomit, he could see everything he had eaten a few minutes ago and it just made him gag again.

He felt every chunk of food rushing up his throat and a cough made everything come out mixing with the rest on the toilet.

- That's it. You're doing good. Get everything out.

You kept rubbing his stomach and now his back as well, giving little taps from time to time to help him.

Something got caught in his throat which made him start coughing and that fit evolved to gags that were again unproductive and you knew there was more that needed to get out.

- Babe, I'll do it again, alright?

He just nodded and closed his eyes as you stuck your fingers down his throat one more time, repeating the process successfully. You felt vomit on your hand as Hyunjin jolted forward with another thick stream gushing out hitting the edges of the seat and unfortunately getting on your hands as you couldn't take it out in time, but it didn't bother you.

- 'm sorry...

He said quietly before another burp brought up another mouth full of vomit.

- It's okay, honey. Don't worry about it. Just focus on getting everything out.

You pat his back as well when he chocked on a piece of undigested food that got stuck on his throat, be coughed hard and a wet gag brought it out mixed with bile and thick saliva.

He was now left gagging and throwing up only thick saliva and bile, he felt tired and his body felt cold and hot at the same time.

- Honey, I think you're done. Here, lean on me for a while.

You guided him so he was laying on your chest and grabbed his hands, drawing circular patterns to help him calm down.

- Baby, breathe with me ok? Inhale 1 2 3 4, hold 1 2 3 4 and exhale 1 2 3 4.

He followed your instructions and your breathing pattern along with paying attention to the touch on his hands and managed to calm down.

- thank you...love...

- No need to thank me. How are you feeling? Better?

- Yeah... A bit...just tired now...

- Let's go rinse your mouth and go back to the dressing room.

You helped him to the sink and wrapped your arms firmly around him, as it seemed he could faint again at any minute.

You were met with seven pairs of worried eyes as soon as you entered the dressing room. The staff helped you settle Hyunjin on a mattress so he could rest, while they decided what to do.

- y/n, what happened?

- When I got there he told me he'd fainted and then he started throwing up.

- Was he like this all along?

- I don't think so. I think it started after the performance.

The boys gathered with the staff to discuss what they'd do, since there was a fan sign after the recording.

And you sat by Hyunjin's side, stroking his hair while he kept dozing off but trying his best to answer you.

- How are you feeling?

- Icky...tired, sweaty and still a little sick...

- Oh baby, when we get to the dorms you'll be able to rest.

The staff decided to take Hyunjin back to the dorms with you, while the others would proceed with the schedule. Just like usual, the company issued a letter explaining Hyunjin's absence on the fan sign event.

You stayed in the dorms with him, helped him take a shower and then made him some light soup, which he managed to eat a little before passing out in bed and sleeping for the rest of the day, with you cuddling him.

[goldenempyrean]

I've Got You

〚 Notes - Okay, hello! This fic was the result with another collab with the awesome @lots-of-pockets and I think it turned out pretty good :D 〛

〚 Pairing - Natasha Romanoff x Reader 〛

〚 Summary - It was early into your relationship with Nat when you wound up sick but you didn't have the heart to tell her, unsure of how she'd react. Despite your claims, it seems Nat's a little more concerned about your health than you first thought 〛

〚 Wordcount - 1700 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

╚════════ ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ════════╝

It had started with a persistent tickle in the back of your throat. A little irritating but nothing a little water and chamomile tea couldn’t fix. But then came the runny nose and stuffed up sinuses, and no matter how many times you blew your nose, it would return with a vengeance. Every. Freaking. Time.  

You end up going through two boxes of tissues in just a day, and your poor nose had been rubbed red raw. You didn’t often get sick. Maybe once or twice a year and it was never anything more than the casual cold. Usually, you’d allow yourself to take a day off work to recoup knowing that your boss wouldn’t want you at anything less than your best, and that was that.  

But you had a sinking feeling that this time, that wouldn’t be the case. You felt absolutely horrible, and that was only amplified by a thousand when you realised that tonight was the night that Natasha going to be driving down to see you. There was no way she could sick you sick, you’d just have to pretend you were completely fine.  

The two of you had only been dating for a little under seven weeks, so things were still pretty new to the both of you. That includes the affection front. Sure, you kissed and occasionally cuddled, but you were nowhere near close enough to be comfortable with her looking after your sick self.  

It was why tonight would suck, because not only would you have to pretend you weren't sick, it meant you would also have to hide every single sniffle, every cough and every sneeze. All of which you knew would next to impossible because you just happened to have a former ex-KGB assassin as your girlfriend. 

You had tried everything to make yourself look and feel better. You even went to extent of gargling with salt water and taking some over-the-counter medicine (which you were usually against) to relieve your symptoms. But nothing seemed to work. 

As the hours slowly ticked by, you found yourself continually feeling worse and worse. Your head was pounding, your body aching, and for the life of you, you couldn't stop coughing. Trying to distract yourself by cleaning up the apartment and making some dinner was hard, mainly because it was a struggle to even stand up for more than a few minutes at a time. 

You tried your best to make yourself look as presentable as possible, despite still feeling like death warmed over. You even took a hot shower, hoping that it would clear out your sinuses, but it only seemed to make things worse. Ignoring the pleasing urge to shove on some warm, comforting pyjamas, you forced yourself to change into some nicer looking clothes, hoping it would distract Natasha from your symptoms, but you knew deep down that it was a lost cause. 

When Natasha finally arrived, you put on your best smile on and greeted her at the door. She hugged you tightly, and you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for not being able to reciprocate as enthusiastically as you wanted to. 

As you hugged Natasha, you could feel a fateful sneeze building up at the back of your nose. Panicking a little, you tried to suppress it, but your efforts were ultimately in vain. You felt your nostrils flare and your eyes begin to water, and you knew there was no way to hide it much longer. 

No longer able to fight it, you quickly pulled away from Natasha, turning your head and sneezing into your elbow. You tried to play it off as a small cough, but you knew she had heard you. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, concern etched across her features. A hint of knowing crossed her face, but you were too busy trying to stifle another sneeze to notice it. After finally managing to get yourself under control, you send her what you hoped was a reassuring smile as you nodded your head.  

“I’m okay. Just allergies.” You lied, pulling open the front door to properly welcome her inside. Natasha eyed you suspiciously as she stepped inside your apartment, kicking off her shoes andsetting down her overnight bag.  

“I’m okay, really.” You reaffirmed as you closed and locked your front door, turning to face Natasha who was already staring at you with a doubtful look on her face.  

Thankfully, she says nothing, simply taking you by the hand and leading you over to the couch. You sniffled softly as you sat down, and tried to be as subtle as you could about wiping your nose with the sleeve of your shirt.  

There were no tissues near you anyway - not that you could blow your nose even if you wanted to because that would definitely give you away. So, you resorted to suffer in silence, bringing your attention back over to Natasha who was currently telling you about how her drive here had gone. 

As Natasha continued to talk, you could feel the tell-tale tickle in your nose again and you knew that you were about to sneeze. You desperately try to hold it in, clamping your mouth shut and scrunching up your face. You focused all your energy on keeping the sneeze at bay, hoping that Natasha won't notice. 

But just as she finished her story, you can't hold it in any longer. A loud "Hh’iishoo!" echoes through the room, and you cringed, feeling both embarrassed and self-conscious. 

Natasha looked at you with concern. "Are you sure you're, okay?" She asked again. 

You nodded, feeling guilty for lying to her, but what else could you do, "It's just allergies," you repeated your earlier excuse, "I'll be fine." 

Natasha studied you for a moment before eventually nodding. "Okay," She said, still sounding unsure before adding "But if you need anything, let me know." 

You smile gratefully at her, feeling relieved that she doesn't press the issue any further. You tried your best to focus back on the ongoing conversation, but it was getting harder to concentrate with your nose continually running and your head feeling heavier by the minute. 

Giving in, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom, hoping that a few minutes alone will help you regain your composure. As soon as you're inside, you let out a series of sneezes, finally letting your guard down. 

You blew your nose and splash some water on your face, trying to feel better. But as you stared pitifully at your reflection in the mirror, you came to realise that you look utterly terrible. Your eyes are red and watery, your nose is bright red, and you're sweating uncontrollably despite feeling cold all over. 

You took a deep breath and attempted to compose yourself, knowing that you couldn’t let Natasha see you like this. Splashing some more water your face, you took a few final deep breaths before returning back to the living room. 

When you get there, Natasha was stood up again, eyebrow raised pointedly with her arms crossed against her chest. That same look of knowing was back on her face, and you immediately knew jig was up.  

“You’re sick.” She stated, and you felt yourself sigh softly as you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear before sitting yourself back down onto the couch. You don’t deny her accusations, knowing full well you wouldn’t get anywhere if you tried too. 

“It’s not even allergy season,” she added, shaking her head as she sat down on the coffee table in front of you. “You lied to me.”  

“I’m sorry,” You immediately apologised, the guilt you had been feeling suddenly amplified by a thousand at her words, “I just didn’t want you to have to deal with me like this. All sick, congested and gross.” You trailed off in an unsure murmur, using the sleeve of your shirt to wipe of your nose again, not bothering to hide it this time. 

But you grimaced slightly when Natasha took that same sleeve without issue and folded it up so the soiled part of it was out of sight. Apparently, germs didn’t bother her unlike you had previously thought.  

“Look at me,” she murmurs softly, taking your hand in her own and giving it a soft squeeze. You coughed slightly in the bend of your arm before complying. Seeing that Natasha’s lips had quirked up into a soft grin, you couldn’t help but feel yourself mimic it despite how crappy you were feeling.  

“I know it hasn’t been very long, but I promise it’s okay to let yourself be vulnerable with me.” She started, trailing the pad of her thumb across the back of your hand gently. 

You nodded weakly at her words, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You had been trying so hard to hide your sickness from Natasha, afraid that she would think less of you for being weak and vulnerable. But her words were like a balm to your soul, soothing your worries and reminding you that you weren't alone. 

Natasha stood up from the coffee table and disappears into the kitchen briefly, only to return a few moments later with a steaming cup of tea and a plate of crackers. She set them down on the table in front of you and urges you to eat and drink, knowing that it would help you feel better. 

You took a sip of the tea, letting the warm liquid soothe your sore throat and ease your congested sinuses. You felt a little better already, and it was all thanks to Natasha's care and concern. 

As you ate the crackers and drink the tea, Natasha sat down next to you on the couch and wrapped her arm around your shoulders. Unconsciously, you lean into her embrace, feeling safe and protected in her arms. You felt your eyes close as you took deep breath, savouring the feeling of being cared for and loved. 

Natasha continued to hold you, her fingers tracing soothing patterns on your arm as you slowly drifted off to sleep. You dreamt of being wrapped in her arms, of feeling her warmth and comfort, and of knowing that you were never, ever alone. 

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[mrsshabana]

if you’ve already done this you can go ahead and delete this! could you do a fic where the reader doesn’t celebrate their birthday?

love your work btw! 💚

𝐆𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 - 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚��

Today is actually the birthday of one of my very close friends! So I thought it'd be fitting to answer this request today. I hope you had an awesome birthday @chibi-absol ♡

Gyutaro never celebrates his birthday, but he is not going to let you get away with not celebrating yours. You are much too important for that.

He won't ask why you don't celebrate your birthday, he will just make the day special for you no matter how much you protest. It will be an intimate celebration though, with just the two of you and maybe his sister. He doesn't want anyone else to be there because he'll get jealous. He wants to be the only person making your day special.

He doesn't know a lot about birthday celebrations because quite frankly he never really cared for them, but he's going to try to make sure you have a memorable birthday.

This day is going to be all about you.

He won't let you lift a finger on your birthday, you will be treated like royalty.

And for your gift, he'll probably give you something handmade. He's not very crafty but he is going to work on your birthday gift for months in advance, making sure that it's absolutely perfect. And when he presents it to you you'll see all of the little flaws in it, but that just makes it all the more special. When you tell him that you love the gift he will feel genuinely proud of himself for the first time.

He's even going to sing happy birthday to you. His voice will be shaky as he does so, and his face will be red, but he tries his best. He's going to get some of the lyrics messed up because he's never sung it before.

He puts a ridiculous amount of effort into making your day special. It's actually quite surprising because he's not the type of person to care very much about sentimental things like this. But the fact that he tries so hard makes it obvious how much he loves you.

[lilislegacy]

everybody loves percy

someone just asked me about my earlier post: why would percy be crowd surfing? people only put in the effort to hold up a celebrity or a rockstar

why you ask?

the long answer:

because everybody loves percy. no i don’t mean that literally. of course his enemies hate him. but like… come on! it’s percy! everybody loves percy! he’s hilarious! he’s a goofball. he could win the olympics in the sarcasm section. he has the biggest heart in the whole world. he’s such a blast to be around. he’s fun and nice and constantly dropping comments that make people laugh so hard that they cry and pee their pants a little. he’s just that guy. he’s awesome. he’s the actual best.

everybody loves percy

he’s the umtimate hero. especially at camp half blood. everyone who went to camp with him adores him, and everyone who came to camp after he left hears his name everywhere they go. he’s a legend there. he’s a renowned warrior and sword fighter. he went on multiple successful quests. there were TWO great prophecies about him. he was offered and turned down godhood. he led the greeks into battle numerous times and came out victorious every time. he’s their leader. their soul. he’s the heart of the greeks. alongside annabeth chase, the man fell into tartarus and walked out through the doors of death. the son of poseidon is a greek hero.

all the romans at camp jupiter have such a high respect for him. i mean he was only actually there for like a total of 2-3 days, casually interacted with 2 major gods, successfully led a high-stake quest, saved the whole camp, and was raised on a shield and made praetor - the highest of honors. even after he gave up his position, he is still good friends with reyna, their long standing praetor, and bffs with frank, their new praetor. in fact, percy is franks hero. frank looks up to percy. so even if a roman didn’t witness percy save the camp and become praetor, you think they wouldn’t think incredibly highly of him after seeing how much of a deep respect both their current praetors hold for the former preator? plus everyone knows the stories. the son of neptune is a roman hero

loyalty for percy runs deep at both camps.

then there are the people who have no idea who he is. strangers. teenagers. college kids. but even then, everybody loves percy. he walks into a room, is immediately accepting and kind towards everyone, and starts saying the funniest damn things anyone’s ever heard. he’s a ton of fun. always playful and joking around. plus, he’s just a cool guy. even if you don’t know how awesome he is in the world of the gods, he’s a tall handsome dude with the absolute best smile. not to mention he has a lot of cool skills. he skates, he rides horses, he can ride a motorcycle (albeit illegally), im gonna take a guess and say he’s become quite a talented surfer since moving to california, etc. girls all have huge crushes on him and guys all think he’s the most chill dude ever. he’s the guy who walks into a party, makes friends with the dj, the bartender, and everyone he talks to. hes just that guy.

the short answer:

it doesn’t matter if you’re a greek, a roman, or a typical mortal. percy jackson is always the coolest guy in the room. whether you’ve known him for years and fought alongside him in battle, or if you met him 10 minutes ago when he gave you a big smile and said something that made you throw your head back laughing,

everybody loves percy.

so yeah, if percy jackson jumps (or is pushed) onto a crowd to crowd surf, every single person is happily holding up him

the previous post, if anyone if confused ⬇️

[enbycrip]

I keep seeing and hearing things from friends and other folks I hugely respect who work in really *important* professions and areas of life - science, museums, art, education, care and nursing, medicine - beating themselves up as they are fucked around and treated badly. And one of the things I keep hearing is “I’m such a fool, I made a really stupid choice of career, I’m clearly not good enough for this”.

And I need to say this:

Mate, you did *not* make a bad decision re your career.

You made the decision based on your passion and ability for something that is *incredibly important*.

The fact that you did so in fucking end stage capitalism when industries, professions and areas of work we should be investing in heavily are being gutted because capitalism doesn’t value vital things is *not your fault*.

And trust me, as a person who has a pretty severe energy-limiting illness; it’s *not* a moral failure to be burned out. It’s actually a really normal human response to *things being hard* and being overwhelmed by things that are not your fault.

You are accomplishing things, and pretty awesome things at that. But it’s also worth bearing in mind that you actually have worth as a human that isn’t tied to a job or career, or to the art of whatever medium you produce, or in being smiley and upbeat for your mates.

*You matter regardless of what you produce.*

And every time that feels inadequate, or like an excuse, remember how much effort capitalism and capitalist institutions put into convincing you of that, and that these things are *your individual failures* and *not* systemic problems caused by social failures to value what actually matters in the world.

I sit here and tell myself this all the damn time because it was literally the only way to survive in a world that wants me to believe that my life as a disabled person with limited capacities and a lot of need for rest is meaningless, and that that fact is my own fault. I’m getting better at internalising it now, but it means it hurts even damn more when I see wonderful people who are doing important work being beaten up by the same things I was, and to an extent still am.

I also have to tell you; as a disabled person with a *very* limited ability for paid work, or for a huge amount of unpaid work I desperately want to do, it is *really* difficult to hear much more abled people denigrating their achievements that feel far far more than I will very likely ever be able to do.

Please do think about the impact your words have when you broadcast your internal self-loathing out there. There *will* be people you care about dying a little bit more inside every time you denigrate stuff you have achieved that they have been holding as a distant goal.

I am not trying to guilt anyone by saying this; I am saying it because hearing about how my internalised fatphobia and letting out my self-loathing over my relatively thin body was harming fat folk I cared about was one of the things that helped me get a good bit of the way over some crippling body image stuff.

Valuing yourself and what you actually do, are, and contribute is *hard* work, and it’s so worth doing.

It is not “losing your standards” or “becoming complacent��� to recognise how much of what you struggle with is systemic and *not* your individual failures. It is realising the amount of work an unequal and abusive system puts in to stop people from resisting it and turning our energies from beating ourselves up in self-hatred to *working for change*.

[oscconfessions]

wwait have none of my taco and soap related asks been tagged as ship. the only ask i sent in that was tagged as such didnt even have my anon tag... i need to fix that.

random soaptaco headcanons go!

taco made the first move, but through a lame letter. she gave the most boring ass letter that plainly stated her feelings for soap with weirdly neat handwriting and specific grammar. this made soap feel like taco was kind of. forcing her feelings for her. so she went to go ask her about it, only to find taco to be a stuttering blushing mess upon behind asked about it (which surprises soap because. the letter was so straightforward and put together?). taco tells soap that she thought she would like her neat handwriting and perfect grammar more than a sappy letter that detailed her feelings in a messy way. this is how taco learns about being ✨genuine✨

taco occasionally dumpster dives for food because her ass is not hunting in the woods. soap does NOT approve of this, though. dumpster food is awful for taco's health! but soap can't always secretly cook for her, and taco can't just go a few days without eating because soap doesn't feel like getting up and cooking, so there's bound to be some days where taco has to eat trash. the thought of taco getting sick from eating dumpster food haunts soap daily.

soap enjoys making gifts for taco, most commonly she likes to get cool photos and decorate them: pasting them on thick paper, using stickers, writing notes for taco, etc! she intends on getting a photo of her and taco together one day so she can make the most awesome little card of them, but she hasnt found the opportunity to yet. taco doesn't feel very strongly about photography or art, but finds soap's gifts quite adorable, especially when the photo connects to her/them in some way.

soap believes taco can change. she's patient with her and always tries to tell her how she can improve herself. in my theoretical post-episode-14-but-probably-wont-clash-with-episode-15-when-it-comes-out world, she helps taco improve the letters she sends to mic and pickle. she doesnt fully understand what taco has done, but she's willing to do her best. she just doesnt mention the fact that she's seen both of them throw out their letters without a second thought, no matter how much effort taco puts into them.

im not putting anymore effort into this. i think that's enough.

-🧼🤍

.

[frogwithgun]

More of married Satosugu bc I love them so much. This time with Nanako and Mimiko!! Bc I also love them (poor girls deserve better)

---------------------

Geto and Gojo are sat on the couch. As happy as can be. With Geto leaning on Gojo shoulder while they watch their show together.

And while they wait for their girls to come back home. "Suguru, they'll be fine." And Gojo puts a hand over Getos own hand which had been shaking. "They can handle themselves." He didn't even notice he had been shaking.

It's a normal part of growing up. He tells himself. It's only normal they would want to hang out with their friends more than their parents. Who wouldn't? He didn't exactly love spending to much time with his own parents.

But he can't help it! "They're growing up so fast. What if they don't want to spend time with us anymore?" He says and looks up at Gojo. Who just smiles and shakes his head. "Of course they'll want to spend time with us! We're awesome."

It does little to help Geto. So when the door opens he sprints over to his girls. "Girls! You're home." They look at each other and then at him. "Yeah? What's wrong? Did dad hollow purple out house again?"

"That was one time!"

"Three Satoru." Geto yells back. Then he shakes his head. "No. Nothing is wrong. I just missed you." Nanako shrugs and Mimiko just nods. "Are you hungry? I can make you something." And they shake their heads. "No. We ate at the mall."

It's a normal part of growing up. So why is he so sad? And Gojo must have noticed because before bed he's a little less playful than he usually is. And a lot more comforting. He's holding Geto in his arms and playing gently with his hair.

"They're just teenagers Suguru." And Geto appreciates the effort. Though Gojo had to look up this advice online because he had no idea if this was normal. He wasn't really raised around his parents.

So it makes Geto feel a bit better knowing that. "I know. I just wish they could still be our little girls." Gojo smiles and kisses him. "They are. They just aren't so little anymore." Geto smiles and rests his head on Gojos chest. Feeling that erratic heartbeat.

No matter how many years it's been, Gojo always gets a little nervous around Geto. He's just so pretty to him. "You're right. Thank you." Gojo hugs him tighter. "I always am! But you're welcome. Goodnight." And no other words have to be exchanged.

For the love in the room was so high that Geto could feel it wrapped around him like a blanket. One he didn't want to take off.

--------------------------------

Bonus!

Nanako and Mimiko have been feeling bad about not spending time with their dads as much anymore. So they decided to go out with them!

And found themselves remembering why they didn't spend time with their dads. At least with both of them.

"Ew gross! Get a room!"

They were lovingly holding each other while Gojo kept whispering how much he loved Geto directly into his ear. Making Geto blush a bright red. "I'm just telling your dad how much I love him. He's so handsome. And all for me."

Geto looks away from him. "Satoru we are in public."

They love their dads! But they hate going out with both of them.

[aspd-culture]

i convince people whoever disliked my (admittedly far from ideal) behavior is the problem and then i naturally am a lot more fun to be around once they are eliminated from my social circles. i think it is a bad habit but it keeps me sane. is there another way this can be handled?

Yes, but I can't guarantee it will work for everyone. For me, what I do to avoid this is -

1. Prevention: Easier said than done, but trying to keep the behavior they react to as non-harmful as possible (we're not talking total control just harm reduction) so that the way they act probably *is* blown out of proportion and you're in the right

and/or 2. "Don't give them the satisfaction": I come clean on my behavior and show just how lovely I am by acknowledging it and asking the people I know they're going to run to before they have a chance. I talk to those people about how *terrible* I feel and how much I want to make it better "but I don't want to make them more uncomfortable by forcing myself on them". This puts them in a situation where anyone they run to counters with "oh, no I heard they feel so bad! They didn't want to make it worse but I really don't think they meant it; they're really beating themselves up about it" and they'd look like a jerk to keep it up. But this isn't a cover for me to keep up my sh*t or it wouldn't work. The way I keep this social manipulation as harm reduction vs being a terrible person is to use it to protect my social standing while I fix things on my terms. "Okay, so that behavior is too far. I won't do that again, but I won't do it by *my* choice. All of this was a lot of work and I deserve an Oscar at this point. I do not want to go through that masterful performance several times again to get to all of our mutual friends. That's a lot fo effort and I don't feel like it." That makes it so it's less work for me to change the behavior on my terms to help myself, which usually makes it very doable to get my brain to let me work on it without fighting me about how I'm "just letting them push me around" because the only one pushing me around is me.

Manipulation is a great skill to have, whatever anyone says. Manipulating your own brain is probably the highest level of this, because you're outsmarting your own subconscious. When it works, it's honestly quite the power trip because now you know you're not tricking someone incompetent and unsuspecting - you're directly going after your own brain and you're *winning*. Makes it a fun game with lots of dopamine to behave in healthier ways, and everyone wins.

I don't care what anyone else thinks. There's no "right thing for the wrong reason". Right thing=good, your motives don't matter as long as you don't start using the good thing to excuse or enable more harm later. So if it's a fun game for us to stretch our wings (/idiom) by manipulating our own brain and the byproduct of that is better, less harmful behavior? Awesome. Seriously and genuinely awesome. My opinion doesn't mean much and I don't want to tell you what to do, but I mean it when I say I really enjoy doing this and it's given me so much Pavlov'd incentive to be a "better person" because it is *fun*.

Now where are the prosocials ready to attack me for "even making healing abusive". I'm ready and waiting :)/hj

Plain text below the cut:

Yes, but I can't guarantee it will work for everyone. For me, what I do to avoid this is -

1. Prevention: Easier said than done, but trying to keep the behavior they react to as non-harmful as possible (we're not talking total control just harm reduction) so that the way they act probably *is* blown out of proportion and you're in the right

and/or 2. "Don't give them the satisfaction": I come clean on my behavior and show just how lovely I am by acknowledging it and asking the people I know they're going to run to before they have a chance. I talk to those people about how *terrible* I feel and how much I want to make it better "but I don't want to make them more uncomfortable by forcing myself on them". This puts them in a situation where anyone they run to counters with "oh, no I heard they feel so bad! They didn't want to make it worse but I really don't think they meant it; they're really beating themselves up about it" and they'd look like a jerk to keep it up. But this isn't a cover for me to keep up my sh*t or it wouldn't work. The way I keep this social manipulation as harm reduction vs being a terrible person is to use it to protect my social standing while I fix things on my terms. "Okay, so that behavior is too far. I won't do that again, but I won't do it by *my* choice. All of this was a lot of work and I deserve an Oscar at this point. I do not want to go through that masterful performance several times again to get to all of our mutual friends. That's a lot fo effort and I don't feel like it." That makes it so it's less work for me to change the behavior on my terms to help myself, which usually makes it very doable to get my brain to let me work on it without fighting me about how I'm "just letting them push me around" because the only one pushing me around is me.

Manipulation is a great skill to have, whatever anyone says. Manipulating your own brain is probably the highest level of this, because you're outsmarting your own subconscious. When it works, it's honestly quite the power trip because now you know you're not tricking someone incompetent and unsuspecting - you're directly going after your own brain and you're *winning*. Makes it a fun game with lots of dopamine to behave in healthier ways, and everyone wins.

I don't care what anyone else thinks. There's no "right thing for the wrong reason". Right thing=good, your motives don't matter as long as you don't start using the good thing to excuse or enable more harm later. So if it's a fun game for us to stretch our wings (/idiom) by manipulating our own brain and the byproduct of that is better, less harmful behavior? Awesome. Seriously and genuinely awesome. My opinion doesn't mean much and I don't want to tell you what to do, but I mean it when I say I really enjoy doing this and it's given me so much Pavlov'd incentive to be a "better person" because it is *fun*.

Now where are the prosocials ready to attack me for "even making healing abusive". I'm ready and waiting :) /hj