#it's about community rather than about romance even though it's about being queer

[trans-cuchulainn]

okay i've finished rewatching pride now i will stop having feelings all over your dash

[gb-patch]

I just started wondering about... Is the GB lady part of the lgbt community?

Not to be offensive, but I don't think a totally straight person would have so much insight with all the games representation, it's just logical to think it would come from another queer person herself :). This ask is just because I'm curious to be honest <3

By the way, I love so much the ace representation in the games. Specially our life, I find it really ace friendly and it's so rare to find dating sims that are ace friendly :,) Thanks for that

Haha, well I'm glad the insight feels authentic and that you enjoyed the games. I'm personally entirely asexual and wholly aromantic. Yes the joke is that despite writing games that heavily feature relationship development, I have no interest in a relationship of my own.

And I'd also call myself gender ambivalent. I was assigned female at birth and use she/her pronouns but rather than it being because I agree with that, I just have no feelings on it at all and that's simply what I've got. I don't feel like a woman and have no emotional attachment to the identity, but I'm not drawn to anything else either. I'm not even motivated enough to actively want to be treated as agender. She/Her is fine, though you can call me whatever. I don't bother mentioning pronouns unless asked since what people use doesn't impact how I feel. No terms will be wrong with me, so don't worry if you if you ever thought you said something incorrect. If I was called GB Lad instead of Lady or whatever that'd just be funny.

Of course, even though I'm uninterested and neutral in all regards, I do understand that not everyone is just like me and there's nothing wrong with wanting sex and/or romance and having pronouns you want respected. I'm happy to treat people in the ways that are right for them.

[basiclupineurology]

why troy & abed were doomed from the start

i'm back to say i've come back to community and i've been thinking a lot about the state of troy and abed's relationship through the seasons and why they work so well comedically but, somehow, the writers weren't able to sustain their friendship to the end. (not even talking about s5 here. the cracks started showing in s3.)

the obvious answer is that sitcoms tend to go down in quality over time, the characters becoming flanderised versions of themselves and losing who they are, but i can't really say that - barring the gas leak season - abed or troy lost who they were for the entirety of the time they were on the show together.

i think what doomed them from the start was that they were not only comedic partners in a sitcom, but best friends. there was a tangible realness that underscored all their actions, beyond the cheesy heightened melodrama of most sitcom relationships (platonic or otherwise) that audiences could recognise and wanted to see develop. so, develop they did.

but troy and abed both appear in the show at a very interesting point in their lives. every member of the main cast, of course, has major change in the trajectory of their lives at greendale, but troy and abed in particular come off several years of being a kind of half-person. troy spends most of his life playing into the character of the popular jock, someone who is still inside him throughout the series but becomes increasingly diminished, a voice in his ear rather than this all-consuming persona. abed is who his father wants him to be. he's never had any friends, spent most of his childhood bullied and most of his adulthood thus far pursuing his interests in a vacuum and inside his own mind, with no one to share them with. for lack of a better term, troy and abed come of age throughout the run of community. they figure out who they are as individuals.

and, frankly, as geothermal escapism put it best, it's impossible to figure out who you are on your own when you're being consumed by another person. i'm not saying that either one of them is guilty of this, but what started as a close but casual 'fling' of sorts between the two of them became increasingly intense to the point of overwhelm, and as they started moving away from their early-season caricatures and becoming complex and flawed and human, things between them naturally became more intense on a deeply emotional level. the writers recognised this. never crossing the line into romance, they had to express troy and abed's love for each other through every other method under the sun. we see them, in their own misguided and silly ways, sacrifice what they want for each other over and over again. until it's too much.

too much to believe? too much to handle?

troy and abed remind me of that very best friend you have as a queer kid. you're stepping out from your parents' or your siblings' shadows for the first time and here's this person to catch you. you love them more than words can say. then they're gone, because nothing so childish lasts, and you can't really explain why it meant what it did. the person they were, maybe, and who they were to you, but you also know that no one, no matter what they're like, will ever be this special again.

and so even though we can't cling onto those people, because we get older, we change, we grow up and we grow apart, it is really fucking hard to let go of the first person you've chosen to let into your life.

and because the community writers are fantastic at their jobs, we get to see that reality play out in front of our eyes.

[gayofthefae]

The thing about romance is it can't be the only thing happening. Like any story, it's important that achieving the end goal requires personal growth.

With Jonathan and Nancy, Nancy needed to leave her comfort zone and Jonathan had to learn to trust (as Murray laid out for us). Max has to proudly make her own choices, independent of her brother, and Lucas has to let himself be the guy who "gets the girl" instead of just backing off and letting Dustin have her. Hopper has to solve his anger issues and Joyce needs to allow herself to trust enough that she can fall for someone naturally without needing to seek out over-correction of Lonnie and instead have a present love life detached from her history. Mike needs to overcome his internalized homophobia of a fear of being irrevocably queer and Will needs to overcome his internalized homophobia of a fear of taking up space or impeding on others. In season 3, Jonathan and Nancy need to become more empathetic to each other's struggles they can't understand. In season 4, they need to trust each other to listen to their desires and collaboratively solve complex issues instead of making assumptions in anxious silence. In season 4, Lucas needed to be more persistent in his care of Max and Max needed to open up more (as they laid out for us).

Notice how Joyce and Bob were just happy with no arc going on. Dustin needed confidence in himself but he was seeking it from Max as a symbol rather than building it in order to talk to her, and it was ultimately applicable in other ways, and Max had no obstacle to overcome with him. Steve failed to support Nancy in her grief but there was nothing else. Then Steve and Nancy's obstacle was..."Jonathan", and Steve doesn't need to grow in order to be able to confess as it isn't outside his willpower to be with Nancy OR confess love vulnerably, as seen in the previous season.

And my main point, as always: Mike and El. Their obstacles when I was invested were all physical. In season 1 they just get interrupted. We also didn't have enough information to know that, had he been given opportunity with liking a different girl, he wouldn't have had the confidence for that - we don't have a baseline for his growth to confession anyways. Their relationship CAUSES growth, which is good, but it doesn't require it. In season 2 they are physically separated. That is actionable on her part by overcoming Hopper's rules, but that isn't specific to him and she ends up applying them more climactically by going to Chicago. In season 3, he needs to learn to trust her more and she needs to...uhh...learn she doesn't need boys? Um, anyways...Mike does his thing though! But according to season 4, maybe he...didn't? He trusts her with her powers now so that is good but he doesn't yet trust her to come back to him if he messes up or is vulnerable. And by the end of season 4, he does, but how can we be sure given we thought so in season 3 too, right? That does count though, even if we only saw the before and after and the storyline of him getting there was told entirely offscreen for some reason. And her arc in season 4 is security in her decisions, specifically standing up against men who make decisions she doesn't support.

So easily solved obstacle, easily solved obstacle, one-sided real obstacle but she needs to grow in order to NOT be with him, one-sided real obstacle but she needs to grow in order to NOT be with him. Yeah...

Jancy is a great example as I earlier laid out as a similar couple who got together early but had recurrent problems done with this in mind. Each of their problems requires growth: empathy, communication. El has never need growth in order to be with him, twice having growth take her away from him meaning he holds her back from it, and twice having Mike need it alone - and if a character is alone in their required growth, one could argue it's more personal and could be applied to another situation ex. wanting to feel needed vs wanting to feel needed BY El.

Tldr: relationships need to require growth to be achieved, just like any other plot climax. If there hadn't been distance in season 2, Mike and El would have been together immediately and only broken up for the reason they did - El's growth requiring arc led her away from him. All other relationships in the show

Addition:

This doesn't even just apply to romantic relationships. Will needs to grow from his jealousy to get closer with El. El needs to grow from hers to get closer with Max. Steve needs to grow in his worldview to become friends with Robin, something that you'll notice you partially thought was romance because they created that obstacle that is otherwise absent from some REAL romances. Nancy needs to break out of her protected worldview to get closer with her ostracized brother, and Mike needs to break out of his black and white thinking to get closer to her. There are lots. Mike needs to trust El to stay even if he can't be who he was when they met and El needs to allow herself to let go of past dependencies in order to be friends. See? It's everywhere. They're just saying that their romantic relationship is holding them back because it isn't a good way. There is SOMETHING for everybody that requires growth. So if it doesn't, it needs to end.

[prototypesteve]

hi! I just came across your acc and read some of your posts and you seem a really inspiring individual. im a 18yo demisexual person who's really close to their queerness (both in the sexuality and gender aspects) as its a fundamental part of my individuality. and i dunno, both my being acespec and genderqueer are a tricky... thing to get into when i want to get into relationships. im trying to be happy by myself. and this was very random and all, but as you're an adult aroace (i see very very few of them) its inspiring to me knowing I can still have a good, normal life? while living in full authenticity. idk. sorry if this is random. you dont have to reply. your account was nice to come across. have a wonderful day

Thank you for this. This is why I’m here. Honestly this is most of why I came out. Seriously.

Being Different and “New”.

The world is catching up with you, so you’ll have to be patient sometimes. Language often outpaces feelings. People know how to address genderqueer (they know all the words) but they’re still learning how to process genderqueer (they’re deconstructing all the old gender “archetypes” and stereotypes they were taught by parents and teachers who didn’t address or process genderqueer in their day). They will figure it out, because they can see it’s real. But it’s frustrating, in the meantime.

Even our own community of LGBTQIA+ (in Canada we use 2SLGBTQIA+, leading with 2S for two-spirit) is catching up with us in a lot of ways. The queer community has largely thought of queer as for/about genderqueer, and so when they see aros and aces and demisexuals and demiromantics, they have to either accept or reject that there’s a whole other layer of queer called relationship queer who intersect and overlap with genderqueer inside the bigger (and for some “newly bigger”) queer category/world/thing.

Being alone.

Alone is a complicated word for us. Aspec people experience a few kinds of alone-ness. There’s completion, which allos sometimes don’t get. We’re complete inasmuch as aspec people don’t have as many spaces in their lives where they need an “other half,” even though many of us spend a lot of our lives being told we have that space and we need to fill it. I wrote about that, here.

Then there’s the way we can can feel isolated from the bigger queer world because of the ways some people refuse to accept asexuality and aromanticism as queer, because they see it as a cishet thing, somehow.

We can feel isolated from traditional communities built around faith, politics, ethnicity, national identity, or even generational identity (GenX was wiiiiildly amatonormative), all because our defining differences are falsely interpreted as “new”. People misread our orientation as a phase, or a “made up internet thing” even though we’ve always been here. For ages, the world didn’t want to talk about all the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and demiromantic people they could see everywhere—unlabelled, but plain as day—and now that we want to talk about ourselves, they’re going to say “you’re making that up”.

Then there’s the alone-ness of trying to explain how we do love, but differently. That one’s hard. I think that’s the one I’m going through the most, this year.

“See Also”:

Anyway, here’s a poorly-sorted and always growing “library” of links to my most popular social media posts, and stuff I’ve learned as an older ace. The recurring theme is that it really is going to be okay.

I’m still me, but now I know why. (How I explain my “thing” to straight friends who knew me from before I came out.)

Phase (You don’t outgrow it. I’m proof.)

Complete (Our complex relationship with “Alone”)

1994 (The counsellor story)

When I realized (Slow origin story)

Lifeline (Something bad happened to me when I was young, and believe it or not, Spider-Man rescued me.)

Recipe for Disaster (When life happens BEFORE you figure out your orientations)

Sexual Induction rather than a sexual awakening. (Things won’t always follow the romance novel playbook.)

Complicated. (Being queer AND Christian.)

Din Djarin Aroace Rep (We love. We just mostly do all the other kinds of love)

Treasure (a note to my trans friends)

Happy Ace Week (yes we’re here)

Masked (About not being out to everyone)

Negotiating (About gaining “acceptance” from the bigger queer community.

[babyangelsky]

BL Challenge 2k24 ✨Day 3✨

Hello and welcome to @negrowhat’s 15 Day BL Challenge! Full challenge can be found here.

Side Dish That Should've Been the Main Course: ArmyJoe

♡ gif by @seatawinan from this set

THAT'S RIGHT! There was no way I was getting through this challenge without my Fluke Pusit Heart Eyes coming in to play at least once!

But in all seriousness, even though The Warp Effect wasn't a BL and didn't focus on romance, ArmyJoe still should've been the main dish because they were just that good. The conversations around sex, sexuality, and being an out gay man alone made every second they were on screen a delight.

♡ gif by @tenprems from this set

And even with their limited screen time, they still managed to have an arc that was satisfying to watch. Obviously having more time would've allowed us to see more of the development of their relationship and them as individuals (especially Joe), but rather than feeling unsatisfying because of it, it just made me want more of them.

♡ gif by @tenprems from this set

Because look at them! The chemistry? Off the fucking charts. Of course it's off the charts, it's Fluke and Thor. The acting? Fantastic because again, it's Fluke and Thor! I love both of their characters so much. They feel so grounded and their fears and anxieties are so true to what real queer people live with every day.

♡ gif by @gunsatthaphan from this set

If you haven't seen The Warp Effect, consider this your sign to go and do so. Immediately. This show deserves all the love in the world. It's so queer and talks about so many things that deserve to be talked about like sex, consent, communication within sex and relationships, and a whole host of other things related to gender and sexuality. Please go watch it, it's so good.

[absolutebl]

10 Great Slow Burn BLs

I was asked about great chemistry, slow burn, with lots of pining and yearning, and an HEA (of course). For slow burn there will be less high heat due to the style of narrative, so I am going with actor chemistry, as well as emotional and mental resonance, not necessarily physical chemistry. (Something like Bed Friends could be argued is high heat slow burn... which would be what? A rolling boil?)

Honestly, slow burn is pretty relative, so I'm going with romance pacing puts the kiss and togetherness at the back 1/3 (if not the very last episode). Rather than at the "normal" 2/3.

1. Light On Me (Korea 2021 Viki)

Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all filming is cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles. The high school angst is strong with this one and it's certainly slow burn and there is some EPIC yearning drawn out over a longer than usual KBL. Full review.

2. My School President (Thai 2023 YouTube)

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but I still ADORE this. And there is a lot to be said for the classics being executed perfectly. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? Possibly too slow burn for some, we wait many eps for that pay out, and Tin's pining is NOT quiet, but it defined dorky and earnest.

3. Old Fashion Cupcake (Japan 2022 Viki)

It's hard to call such a short show slow burn, but it is. There are many episodes spent watching Togawa just HUNGER for Nozue and try to court him by feeding. This is about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said boss with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s a stunningly filmed late-in-life coming of age/queerness story packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity, love, and loneliness… and it’s beautiful. Full review.

4. My Ride (Thai 2022 Gaga)

Thai BL grew up with this pulp (the first ever to make my end of year top 10). It’s a truly lovely and special little show featuring the extremely rare pairing of sunshine/sunshine (AKA a cinnamon roll couple) plus mature explorations of relationships using one of the softest, sweetest and most innocent friends to lovers vehicles. Kindly, overworked doctor meets broken-hearted motorcycle taxi driver in an “other side of the tracks” slow burn romance. Even though we see them meet, we also see one of them fall in love, step back, and PINE for olympic gold. With honest queer rep that adds to, but doesn’t impede, the story, and genuine conversation about the nature of class, wealth, and classism, not to mention communication, honesty, and respect for boundaries, you can’t go wrong with this show. Full review.

5. Cherry Magic (Japan 2020 fan sub)

AKA 30 Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard AKA 30-sai made Dotei Da to Mahotsukai ni Nareru rashii AKA Cheri Maho

The sweetest fluffiest magical realism BL, packaged as a pinning office romance, very low heat (practically chaste) but the cutest. It’s truly great. Don't expect kisses tho.

6. Wish You: Your Melody in My Heart (Korea 2020 Viki)

Set in the music industry featuring a talented singer and the pianist who falls in love with him (and his music), subtle and achingly adorable. High production, low heat, short run, very tame, and Korea, so all the pretty. Slow burn and lots of pining.

7. About Youth (Taiwan 2022 Gaga)

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by an almost real world authenticity and grit. Full review here.

8. The Tasty Florida (Korea 2021 Viki)

Another one where it's hard to describe as slow burn because it's so short, but there is certainly that feel and it's def got the pining. Not really a love triangle featuring the prettiest men ever to be grouped together outside of K-pop, honestly the visuals are ridiculous, there’s a story, it has to do with food, whatever, they so pretty.

9. See You After Quarantine? (Taiwan 2021 Viki)

This under appreciated gem is Taiwan’s answer to Gameboys and is just as charming and adorable yet still as quintessentially Taiwanese as one might hope. It features a Japanese love interest and the cutest most confused disaster gay. Slow burn because the two have almost no actual screen time together and yet manage some truly amazing chemistry. How does Taiwan do it?

10. Restart After Come Back Home (Japan 2020 Gaga)

AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning. Full review here.

Others?

A Tale of a Thousand Stars

Step By Step

Our Dining Table

Where Your Eyes Linger

Choco Milk Shake

Love Class

DNA Says Love You

My Only 12%

Dear Doctor I’m Coming for Soul

2nd part of the question:

Who does it best? Shows, actors, countries?

COUNTRIES

I have said it before and I will say it again, no one does thirst like Japan. I think however, Korea is also very good at pining and yearning. So for "countries" those would be my top picks. But most BL producers have some examples, it's just that Thailand, Taiwan, and the Philippines tend to pay out the yearning more quickly (see something like 2 Moons Ambassador for an example of this kind of pacing).

Japan and Korea will make you wait for it. For Thailand you usually have to rely on the high school stuff. 21 Days Theory and Love Sick are both also slow burn.

ACTORS (characters)

I do have a post about great piners, several in fact.

(from @crowie ask)

These top 10 picks are based on my personal definition of slow burn and pining, yours may differ.

Post updated June 2023 and only contains BL that has completed its run. Not responsible for epic pining or fab slow burn BL that comes after that date.

Please feel free to comment or repost with additions! Share the love... slow though it may be.

(source)

[cloudmancy]

i just finished acofaf and i havent finished the last few adventuring partys yet but it kind of makes me feel crazy how no one has brought up wuvvy clearly being in love with rue. especially in rue & wuvvy's last conversation theres never any indication of rue acknowledging the depth of wuvvy's feelings for them or the sacrifices she's made to be with them and its kind of baffling to me cause rue must know how wuvvy feels about them right? she left her court for them! which is literally the same exact grand gesture hob makes for rue to prove his "love" for them. except wuvvy didnt need to be persuaded. and i was so surprised how in the adventuring parties nobody rlly talked much about wuvvy's love for rue, like emily mentioned it a few times but it felt to me like this elephant in the room that no one was talking about. it's funny cause most/all of the pcs this season were queer but wuvvy comes across kind of like a "scorned lesbian" character where the lack of acknowledgement of her grievances belittles them so as to communicate that they are not legitimate and her feelings are petty and immature. which is obviously a trope intended to preserve a heteronormative and misogynistic status quo. sorry if this is kind of rambly and/or incoherent (i have the flu) i just like your posts and fanart of wuvvy and i wanted to share my thoughts!

OHHHH BOY... you're in for a treat because they do talk about wuvvy in acofaf APs 9-10. it's bittersweet because it's very much an acknowledgement of 'yeah she had feelings for rue and it's a bit fucked up what happened to her'. I cannot blame oscar for wanting to go for a PC/PC romance with brennan's character rather than the NPC but you're right... it really does bother me the way the fandom treated her as a bitch, making really aggressively violent posts when she burned hob's letter, oscar not really even acknowledging in or out of character how much rue meant to her... some of it has to be attributed to how short the adventuring parties are and how much of it was spent talking about ruehob (I have my own opinions about how baffling it was that ruehob was meta'd and built up so much entirely OUTSIDE of the campaign, the main content of the show? but that's a post for another time)

I don't think aabria, brennan, oscar, or anybody else actually meant to contribute to a lesbophobic trope or stereotype; aabria was playing a thoroughly cool character and the circumstances surrounding her just happened to end up this way. it's a game of dnd in the end where a pc/pc romance is more interesting roleplay wise and that is how the cards fell in terms of npc romance. it would not kill people to acknowledge wuvvy and how badly rue hurt her though 😞 I have a huge problem with the 'ruehob together forever, happy ending' part of acofaf & its fandom because of how little the fandom seems to remember or care about her... I do think that is a pattern of misogyny especially when you have many many fans who violently hate wuvvy for getting in the way of their (already canon) ship

I will never stop talking about wuvvy though. [slaps her horns] this satyr can contain so much devotion and angst in her

[chickenstrangers]

What really struck me about this final BBxATOTS episode, and in line with the other crossover episodes, was the importance of queer stories, and more specifically, queer community through stories. I keep coming back to the plays conceit in both Bad Buddy and Our Skyy 2 because this is how it best explores the interplay between texts and awareness of itself as a story.

I love that A Tale of a Thousand Stars is the play that Pran chose, outside of it being used to fuel the crossover. Pran found Tian's diary online somehow, maybe looking for other stories of people like him, and it spoke to him. It resonated enough with him that he wanted to put in the extra work to adapt it, and make the trek out to the mountains. Tian is able to tell his story in his own words in a more public way than Pran maybe can, and through that story they connected with each other.

Being able to tell their own stories is so impactful. Tian got to write down and share how he sees his relationship and his journey. Pran explicitly seeks and obtains Phupha's permission, and Phupha even sets the terms upon which he is comfortable with the play, determining who he trusts with their story. It also shows growth that Phupha let them portray his story like that, showing him as a romantic lead, and while there is of course a lot more to his character than his relationship, it shows he's less hesitant about sharing this side of himself more openly.

We got to see Phupha and Tian's reactions to the play highlighted, seeing that they appreciated the portrayal. We also saw Ink and Pa's reactions, how moved they were by the play and Pat and Pran being able to portray it; how the story was received by other queer people. These special episodes are exploring the tension between needing to hide and wanting to be seen and open, and in the play, both Phupha and Tian, and Pat and Pran got to open a little bit about themselves to others. Even though it is Tian and Phupha's story on stage, Pat and Pran are telling their own as well.

The play is an adaptation, and like all adaptations, it revises the original. Pat and Pran are all about revising stories, and sometimes completely rewriting them and throwing away the originals. But unlike with Romeo and Juliet/Kwan and Riam, they don't change the story, though it is nuanced by their performance and the context of it (lines about not sacrificing yourself to repay for someone else's life taking on new nuances when spoken to Pat as Tian as @grapejuicegay brilliantly pointed out; mirroring Phu and Tian's hug before the kiss but at first only intending it to end with the hug because they're not supposed to be publicly affectionate). But they're performing a romance, not a tragedy this time, and they are taking on ATOTS' happy ending for themselves as well.

There's a lot of agency in this act of adaptation, outside of the play itself, in a way that there explicitly wasn't with the first school play in Bad Buddy. This performance parallels so clearly the forced outing in episode 8. The curtain closes on a kiss, and Pat and Pran are aware of their audience during it, instead of the curtain falling open violently on a private moment of affection. Instead of the shocked stares from their peers, the loathing in Wai's eyes, and the subsequent shunning from their friends, Pat and Pran's kiss is met by their community with love and encouragement. Pat and Pran are hesitant to kiss at first, but it is because of the support of their friends that they push past the barriers between the characters and themselves. Ink, Pa, Wai, Korn, Phupha, and Tian are there to witness their public affection, and support them. Rather than rewriting the ending of Romeo and Juliet/Kwan and Riam, this time the show is rewriting part of Pat and Pran's own story, in a way that feels healing.

It's unclear how much Phupha and Tian knew about Pat and Pran's situation with regards to their parents, but in any case, with his one condition, Phupha has given them an opportunity to be somewhat open about their relationship more safely. They get to work together openly to put on the play, similar to how building the bus shelter and Kwan & Riam gave them an excuse to spend time together. They get to be affectionate in public for the first time maybe since they ran away to the beach. Pran's mom sees the video of the play, but doesn't react too negatively because they have the excuse of just playing their characters. But even there we see a softening, because the last time she saw them working on a concert together, she tore them apart. Here it's possible to see her taking small steps towards quietly accepting their relationship.

A lot of Pat and Pran's relationship is about performing. They pretend to be enemies for most of the original show, first to hide their feelings, and then playacting fights and animosity in front of their friends and parents. They even fake a fight to stop Tian and Phupha's argument. But here they get to perform as lovers, as people in a relationship, as something a bit closer to the truth. But its also important that they had a moment as themselves, "Now that we're behind the curtain can we kiss as Pat and Pran?" There's a healthy separation between the performance and their authentic selves.

We saw this episode as both couples were able to be more open about their relationships, in part aided by each other. Pat and Pran helped Phupha get out of his head, modelling a level of affection he wasn't very comfortable with before due to a lot of internalized homophobia as well as other tensions (@wen-kexing-apologist explores this so beautifully). And Phupha and Tian gave Pat and Pran to show a bit of themselves by acting out the play. And most of all, they were able to be more affectionate with their partners due to the sense of comfort their newfound friendship fostered, and building queer community. (And I'm thinking a lot about the ideas of community that Aof often explores, as @waitmyturtles discusses so wonderfully (x, x)). The whole special is brought together by the sharing of stories, by portraying others thoughtfully, by connecting over common experiences.

It's not a perfect happy ending. This episode reminded us of how Pat and Pran are still not as open as they want to be, and won't be able to be for years to come. Having that small moment on stage is bittersweet in the grand scheme of things, but it allowed them to reflect a part of their story in front of others, while also telling Tian and Phupha's love story. But there's still happiness there, and community that they've built with Pa, Ink, Wai, Korn, and now Tian and Phupha. I hope they'll get to visit the mountains again, like they return to the beach, and get those little spots of refuge in their lives. And it's nice to know that we're still just in the middle of Pat and Pran's story.

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

I'm unpacking my MacDennis thoughts a little here because I don't want my posts about the queerness in IASIP to get hopes up, but I also do not want people to think they are delusional for having belief in a Mac and Dennis romance.

Do I think Mac and Dennis will end up together in the end?

I don't know.

I do think they'll get to a place where they have evil fun together again. This requires the rebalancing of their relationship and that's been happening for the last few seasons. I also believe Mac weaponises how dumb he's perceived a lot more than the audience sees. He's a manipulative, stubborn, and sneaky man in his own right, and Dennis's attempts to manipulate him have mostly backfired. It would be perfect narrative symmetry if it turned out Dennis only had the illusion of control after all— which is what they both want.

Hell, I even think there's a possibility Mac and Dennis go in the complete opposite direction, with Dennis heartbroken and alone and Mac moving on. It'd be a bit tragic and grim yet not undeserved.

But if I'm drawing from every experience I have ever had with shows that play around with homoerotic subtext between main characters; then no, I don't think it'll be textually romantic.

The Magicians, a show that prided itself on being queer friendly, couldn't even treat Eliot like the love interest he'd been for 4 seasons until Quentin died and Eliot was mourning him. A love triangle whereby Quentin explicitly explored his feelings for Alice but the only acknowledgement of how deep his feelings for Eliot ran were when there was no possibility of exploring them substantively.

However,

Did I spend a week and a half feeling edged by an on again/off again romance subplot told entirely in homoerotic subtext?

Yeah...

It's pretty audacious if I'm honest. On the one hand I'm annoyed they got away with it because it's proof of how homophobic our society is that the most common sitcom romance structure was utilised like this but the mainstream would still scoff if it were pointed out that Mac and Dennis's relationship is queer (and not the longest running gay joke of the series). On the other hand I'm impressed, what bloody brilliant satire it would be if they do follow through on it. It's good satire even if they don't follow through on it.

This brings the next point, it's okay to not like Mac and Dennis romantically, nor how they've developed (though I admit I do and hope it ends on 'Will' rather than 'Won't'). The toxicity born from their extreme inability to communicate their needs to each other is the underlying theme of their relationship and it's fine for that to be a hard limit. However, soften those edges a little. Don't gaslight each other into thinking the homoerotic complexity of the relationship isn't there when it is. If only because that's what shows like IASIP do all the time to get around the backlash of exploring controversial queerness explicitly.

I'm not angry at IASIP for this by the way, I don't think another sitcom would have allowed Mac to come out at all or created an episode like 'Mac Finds His Pride'. I love that episode, I'm grateful to them for producing something so affirming, subversive, and transformative (and for making me cry).

[pencilpat]

what are you’re headcanons for Virgil? 💜

Of course anon!

Virgil loves DIY! He made his own hoodie, he is a typical alt kid mending and patching things from the thrift store. I think that, while emo is his favourite fashion and music type, he also really loves goth music and style.

The dark side fallout happened right before Accepting Anxiety rather than after. Janus had plans about showing Thomas all the repressed aspects of himself even back then, and Virgil was the easiest to grapple with, so he was sent out on the front lines. He wasn't supposed to bond with everyone. He wasn't supposed to become friends, family, with someone else, with the others. And after tension built and built and Janus's abandonment fears consumed him, it just collapsed into a fight. Virgil decided that, really, no one wants him at all, and all he does is hurt and inconvenience every other side. So he ducked out. You know the story from there.

Virgil and Roman are only recently getting along better but they're trying. Virgil's love language is sharing his interests, and he tries to find crossovers between things they enjoy. Roman struggles with that because in his view there isn't much overlap at all. Most of their hangouts involve rewatching Nightmare Before Christmas over and over. But also! Makeup!! They do each other's makeup for fun alllll of the time. Also making clothing for each other!

THIS SIDE IS AROACEAPL!! Virgil is so aroaceapl coded to me, or at least demiromantic/demisexual and friendship neutral aplatonic. He never seems to enjoy the words 'I love you' or any implication of love being given to him. He doesn't seem to enjoy relationships in general, though he has let exceptions happen. Virgil seems very romance repulsed for himself but the second it's for Thomas's romantic life he is out to battle as Bravery for the sake of that anxious man's heart.

Speaking of, Logan is also VERY aroaceapl coded and in my mind they are in a queer romantic relationship, they love each other in a way that doesn't make sense as any currently known type of 'love'. They need each other and they make each other feel nice - Logan is someone that Virgil genuinely likes to be around, which is rare for him. They get each other's struggles and I think they could talk each other down from anything. And neither of them could ask for anything better than someone who understands.

Patton is also someone Virgil has felt love for. At first both of them mainly thought it was a familial bond, but given both of theirs' issues with comprehending romantic feelings, it was soon found to be more. Attraction gets very complicated when you're aro, ace, and aplatonic. It can be so confusing when you do like someone, and you'll often try to categorize them as something different like family or community. Virgil being demiromantic and Patton being aro confused and muddled things. But they really just care about each other either way, and they just let themselves... be. To just care for each other in whatever way they can in the moment and leave their feelings undisclosed.

Vee-man's favourite bands are MCR, All-Time Low, and A Day To Remember, but he's not as pure of an emo as you'd expect. That modern day tiktok emo music? He is a sucker for that stuff. And I want to kick his ass for it.

When they were a kid, Virgil was only known as Fear and he was a little shadow person. Like a tiny boogeyman! Really, the personification of what a kid finds scary rather than his current being made of all those adult worries. He age regresses for stress reasons and reverts to that form when doing so.

That's what I can think of right now, like with the Roman post I'll edit if I think of any more later.

[oopsimafannow]

hot take alert

I don't think Win and Team need a wedding!!!!! (narratively speaking, lol...if they were real people I'd be happy for them to claim their queer love in whatever way they want).

I really loved that the show ended with them diving into the water together, both in sync and sure the other one would be there with them at the end of the pool. It's very them to want to move forward in the world together and not need or want the symbolic wedding (since gay marriage isn't legal in Thailand), since they're both pretty grounded when it comes to romance (as we saw with their Valentine's day plans). It's more important for them to be together than to do the 'expected' thing.

This makes sense for them and also makes sense as a contrast to Dean and Pharm. Dean and Pharm are now engaged with plans to get married -- in the US where it's a legal act as well as a symbolic one: this makes sense for the story of UWMA and what Dean and Pharm went through to get together. The wedding is both a legal tie and an outward symbol of their relationship that they can rely on, something that In and Korn literally couldn't imagine having. That Dean and Pharm get to get married -- in the face of everything that happened to In and Korn, is such a beautiful coda to that story. Dean and Pharm's story ending in a wedding makes sense for who they are and what they need.

Win and Team, though -- I don't think a wedding makes sense! The story of their relationship isn't about the same social pressure/acceptance by a community/healing of generations of queer trauma as Dean and Pharm. Instead, Win and Team is a much more private struggle as they struggle to speak clearly and honestly about their feelings to each other, to figure out how to walk together and be in step, side by side. A wedding just doesn't feel like the best way to show that they've overcome those challenges. Instead, to me, it's so much more meaningful that they privately vow to be next to each other always and then to act on that vow in their very next scene.

I'll watch their wedding special, if that's what's being teased, because I'm a sucker lol but honestly, I'd rather it were a special where Dean and Pharm get their wedding and Win and Team affirm their love outside of marriage (because, hey guess what not all queers wanna get married! being married isn't the be all and end all of love!). I'd like to see how Win and Team claim their love outside of those traditional norms, because that's so much of what their story was about: figuring out how to love each other in ways that feel right to them, even if they don't 'look right' from the outside.

[anaktoria-of-the-moon]

What would you like in the ideal fae fantasy/romance?

In honor of (hopefully!) getting my AO3 account tomorrow, I'm curious to see what everyone in this community would like to see in a fae/fey/fay/you-know-what-I-mean fantasy/romance, generally the sorts of things you found lacking in SJM's very own fairy porn (if you've read any of it, and if so, my condolences, I think).

For me (as admittedly a pretty non-sexual gay lady who isn't much into romance in the first place - trying to challenge myself by going out of my comfort zone here), my non-exhaustive wishlist is roughly as follows:

Diversity that doesn't relegate diverse characters to serving mostly background roles as convenient exposition vehicles (Nuala, Cerridwen, Alis, etc.) and isn't ambiguous about the nature of their diversity or if they're even diverse to begin with (which seemed to be the case for most of the non-White and/or non-heterosexual characters in the book - did not see any characters who were transgender, enby, etc. to speak of).

Romances (and romantic leads) that don't present unhealthy behaviors and dynamics in a positive light and without adequate nuance - if unhealthy behaviors are involved, they should be treated appropriately, i.e., not glorified and glossed over, at least not by a reliable and ostensibly trustworthy narrator. Above all, no hand-waving away abuse or "softening" said abuse via vague narrative treatments. No trouble showing imperfect or unhappy relationships even among the heroes in stories, but at least observe the imperfections and don't try to spin them as sexy and therefore "actually OK"; no amount of harming the person you claim to love will be sexy (well, sure, there's consensual BDSM, but I'm not talking about very specific and well-bounded roleplay kink scenarios).

Thoughtful, cohesive world-building that respects and appropriately references its mythological inspirations. The tradition of borrowing, augmenting, and recycling mythologies from one narrative setting to another is age-old and storied, but if one must do it then I feel that one does owe it to both one's audience and one's sources to fully consider the origin and interpret it meaningfully in the new work. If there is inter-cultural mixing, try to acknowledge and work in the fact that the one strain of legends is foreign to the other and vice versa. Though putting a new spin on things isn't strictly verboten, err on the side of caution and don't completely butcher stuff you take from existing cultures (especially if their sources do not belong to your home culture(s)).

In general, thoughtful narratives and characterizations that don't do disservices to whatever they're trying to depict, especially in the cases of typically under- or misrepresented groups. I don't want to see a suspicious number of non-White(-coded) characters in handmaiden and servant roles or ambiguously queer characters whose depictions perpetuate various outdated and hurtful narratives about what it's like to be queer. I'd rather see authors skip over that kind of "representation" entirely than tossing it in at the last minute to get points with their audience and completely messing it up (and doing more harm than good) as a result. Of course nobody is perfect, and especially with newer writers stuff like this is bound to happen (and hopefully becomes a chance to learn and grow), but for notably popular, established, and experienced authors (like SJM) I feel that it really isn't right.

Genuinely sex-positive sex depictions. For books that tout romance and "spiciness" so much, you'd hope the actual narrative around sex and sexuality would be welcoming and healthy. The source seems to include a disturbing amount of slut-shaming, sex-for-reproduction, and very formulaic hyper-binary dominant-man, submissive-woman sex (and there is nothing wrong with that last one, but for a series that brags so much about being kink-oriented...). I want to see a variety of different kinks, orientations, and topographies depicted (e.g., polyamory, BDSM, same-gender relationships, etc.) in appropriate and genuine (and fun!) ways. I'm not saying this belongs in every fantasy book, obviously, but half the draw of the series in question has always been the romance and the sex scenes, so...yeah.

Love - not just the romantic kind - illustrated organically and with care. The original series did the sisterly relationships dirty, in my opinion, by sidelining them for romances and this rather disturbing "found family" dynamic that read much more like a cult or a clique than a genuine found family to me (trust me, my entire adult life has been completed by found family - I'm no stranger to that in concept, nor am I anything but adamantly in favor of it). I am not an only child and am deeply familiar with innately rocky - yet still loving - family relationships. I was thus disappointed that the main three sisters as SJM wrote them didn't have all the nuance I'd have liked to see as someone with similar experiences; instead, there was so much cattiness and on-again-off-again plot-mandated drama that I never felt the sisters' bonds (or lack thereof, perhaps) really got to shine.

Compelling, natural relationship and character progressions not bolstered by narrator-engineered character assassinations. There are many places in the original series where I felt that a character's actions and dialogues suggested one thing, but the narration itself editorialized the situation into quite another. Lots of double standards stemming from this. Not a fan of that.

For fae stuff in particular: Fae who, in accordance with the original mythology, are deeply other and possessed of wild and complex natures, instead of being just conveniently human-shaped hot people. Going to have lots of beastly elements in my hot men, from tails to insect wings to horns and beyond, because I can. (I also think the fae are perfect for depicting gender fluidity, bisexuality, and more, because when you’re an uncannily beautiful centuries-old non-human shapeshifter, how much are you really going to cling to some useless notion of a binary?)

Let me know what else you'd like to see and I will happily steal any ideas for inspiration to work into the reimagining I’m currently in the process of writing!

[bengiyo]

BL Round-Up #5

So @negrowhat tagged me in a current watchlist and I realized I haven’t done one of these since I started a new job. We have a lot to catch up on! We’ll clear out what I’ve completed first.

Recently Finished

I apologize in advance. I have completed a great many shows.

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry aka Minato’s Laundromat (GagaOOlala) 10 - I absolutely loved this show, and am currently showing it to my BL watch partner on our Tuesday/Thursday watch sessions. This show utilized its entire cast so well to explore the nature of age-gap romance, being gay and cowardly, and the nature of youth desire. Absolutely phenomenal, and I can’t recommend it enough.

Gameboys 2 (GagaOOlala via VPN) 10 - Gameboys 2 knew exactly what it wanted to be and completely delivered. I enjoyed this so much more than the movie, and was glad that the Terrence and Wesley dynamic was given more breathing room. Pearl and Achilles fit well into the drama this time, and I even enjoyed the way we got to see more of Gav’s family this time around. The IdeaFirst Company continues to make absolutely incredible queer content. It’s just a shame that so much of it ends up behind difficult paywalls for international viewers.

21 Days Theory (Rookie Thailand YouTube) 9.5 - This show shot up in my rankings for this year because of the way the adults played out their insecurities and supported the youngsters in this drama. This show is so good that it actually made me root for a straight couple. I am 100% here for shorter Thai BLs that use all of their couples well, rather than the bloated mess so many of the pulps tend to be.

Triage (Grey) 9.5 - This was everything I hoped to get out of a time loop show. Continue to love with the Manner of Death team has been up to and can’t wait to see more of their work. This isn’t exactly the normal fare for BL, but it’s the kind of gay characterization I enjoy. 

About Youth (Gaga or Viki) 9 - I don’t think this show had enough time to explore all of its ideas, but this show is a valuable addition to the Summer ‘22 High School BL Extravaganza. The cast is just so beautiful, and the boys from Taiwan continue to give earnest performances that I find incredibly endearing. Fuck Ye Guang’s parents, though.

Great Men Academy (Grey) 9 - I didn’t intend to watch this, but @flukenatouch convinced me and it ended up being a lot better than I expected. It’s not BL at all really, but holy hell was I absolutely obsessed with James Teeradon by the end of this show. Also I got to enjoy Captain’s gorgeous eyes again! This show involved a lot of gender swapping, but I enjoyed the show’s kind exploration of masculinity and what it means to admire someone.

Papa & Daddy Season 2 (Gaga) 8.5 - Papa & Daddy 2 has all of the same struggles as the first season, but I genuinely love it for what it’s trying to be. I think, in so many ways, this show encapsulates the strange experience many queer people have of growing into parents and starting families when it was something we never thought we would do. I think straight people naturally consider what kind of parents they might be because procreation is a likely outcome to their desires for intimacy, but it’s not something queer people really have a lot of guidelines for. I liked the challenges and themes of this season, even if I find myself consistently frustrated with filial piety.

Senpai, This Can’t Be Love! (Gaga or Viki) 6 - Very disappointing finish. I felt the lack of communication to be overly juvenile, so I can’t walk away from this show envisioning them as a functional couple at all. 

Love Mechanics (WeTV) 6 - There are some things I liked here, but Mark and Vee are not my thing, and I found much of this to be rather tedious. 

Coffee Melody (Viki) 5.5 - Boring, and frustrating. Not a good show. Don’t waste your time.

Currently Watching

This is still a lot, but I’m finally under 10 shows.

Takara-kun & Amagi-kun (Gaga or Viki) 10 - Episode 5/8. I cannot overstate how much I’m enjoying the way this show is exploring first desire and relationships with Takara and Amagi. It is the show I most look forward to each week.

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us (Gaga) 9.5 - Episode 7/8. This is not BL. It is a story about a young, angry gay man; his overbearing, narcissistic mother; and his father’s best friend and missed love. It is exploring the ways different generations have reacted to queerness, and I cannot stop thinking about it. It is essentially a play adapted to screen, and everyone involved is giving some of the best performances I’ve ever seen out of Thailand. It is no surprise that Pond Ponlawit is a Nadao alum, because I haven’t been this gripped by a Thai performer since ITSAY/IPYTM and Great Men Academy.

I know many folks will never watch this because it isn’t the kind of fun fare that Thai BL often offers, but this is the kind of play that someone sees on a whim that alters the way they see themselves and the world.

The Eclipse (YouTube) 9 - Episode 7/12. I’m really enjoying how complete this show feels. Each moment feels intentional and like it’s contributing towards the end goals. I enjoy it when BL knows what it wants to say, and I’m enjoying the unsubtle politics of this show. Also, Khaotung and First are such a great pair. Neo is finally in a role that he can really shine, and he’s working with Louis in a way that finally lets me see why they’ve been paired.

Love in the Air (iQIYI) 8.5 - Episode 6/13 This show doesn’t really have a plot, but I honestly like it more for that. I personally love when BL is more character driven, and I’m enjoying watching this as a vanilla type and reading commentary from folks like @lutawolf. Though I still struggled with the early bits of this show, I like where it’s gone and can understand why they skipped what I think are incredibly necessary aspects of consent to show. I remain surprised that I have this many positive things to say about a MAME production.

My Only 12% (iQIYI) 8.5 - Episode 7/14 I think @absolutebl broke me when he said this show felt like a Thai take on a Big Eden (2000) prequel (iykyk). I also imploded over the inclusion of Love of Siam (2007) in the storytelling of this narrative. In so many ways this show feels like it’s screaming out the pain and frustration and loneliness we felt as queer in the early 00s trying to sort out the kind of people we wanted to be when we were young and struggling to find community. It was hard entering the community when all of your elders were still coping with so much grief, and there were just so few depictions of queer joy to turn to.

Earth and Santa are a good pair, but for once I’d like to see one of Earth’s characters be happy. I’d also like him to not play a naggy character in the future.

Once Again (Gaga or Viki) 8 - Episode 4/8 - I like the way the sci-fi elements feel in this show with the time travel implications. I know this is going to end sad, but I’m loving the texture of the sense of inevitability in this show.

Ai Long Nhai (iQIYI) 8 - Episode 1/12. It’s fine so far. I like the gay dads. I like the friend dynamic. Subs are only okay. This show might end up being forgettable, but I hope it’s fun.

Vice Versa (YouTube) 7 - Episode 11/12. I haven’t been enjoying this for a while. I have just had to accept that I am not a Jittirain fan, and the way she tells stories just doesn’t work for me. I find myself completely frustrated with and by Puen, and I feel constantly bad for Talay. Otherwise, Jimmy and Sea are a pretty pair. I hope all the constant ads are generating enough revenue to pay for the rest of the BLs on GMMTV.

War of Y (Gaga) 7 - Episode 8/20. I continued this because it moved to Gaga, but I constantly suffer from a dissonance with this show. It wants to explore the dark side of BL by making so many recognized BL pairs and supporting cast play out scenarios that are incredibly uncomfortable. It’s a weird experience to watch a BL that seems to want us to not watch BL anymore.

Not BL

Midnight Diner (Netflix) 10 - This has become my wind down watch before bed. I find this kind of light drama incredibly relaxing. I also love Japanese filming styles that rely on long takes. I like letting the actors act. I don’t want to feel the editing constantly when I’m watching something. I notice it when I come back to Thai productions and it’s constantly cutting and changing the angle of the shot, or refusing to put actors in the same frame for more than one line delivery.

Is It Wrong To Try to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon? IV (HiDive) 9 - We all have shows we make exceptions for. I make mine here because I enjoy adventuring party shows. This season has been a really good adaptation, and I continue to love all of the character dynamics.

Do Revenge (Netflix) 9 - As a long-time fan of Throw Momma From The Train (1987), I do love a good Strangers on the Train story. This one was excellent, and used its lesbian characters well. Everyone turns in fun and memorable performances, especially Camila Mendes, Maya Hawke, and Sophie Turner.

9-1-1 (Fox, HULU) 8 - I’m an American and do love a first responder procedural.

[treeofnonsense]

Talk to me about ace friendo - 1, 8, 20, 21, 28, 33, and 34 🤍💜

THANK YOUUUUU I GET TO RAMBLE IT'S GOING TO BE LOONG

1. Which labels do you use?

Asexual and aromantic cis(???how do you define cis???) woman. There are probably some microlabels under the ace/aro umbrellas that could describe me but I don't tend to dive into microlabels anymore - I've found that defining myself by those feels more like cutting myself up to fit into little boxes rather than finding a space I'm comfy in. I'm okay with being referred to as gay when it's a joke or as part of a group (ie "one of the gays" "gay people in your phone") and I'll count myself as a member of the LGBT community if directly asked (though I'm always a little hesitant because they don't always want to include me back). I don't use queer because I've never had it thrown at me and don't feel I have the right to reclaim it.

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

I don't know how, but you got the right answer with the wrong equation.

20. Do you feel like you "fit in" with the queer/Pride community overall?

Yes and no. I'm very thankful for the community because it's the only place I've felt able to be my full self, but on the other hand there is definitely a disconnect for a few reasons. One is that I live in a non-urban conservative area, and a lot of Pride stuff seems to default to urban and liberal. I've never been to a Pride parade - not because I want to but because there aren't any where I live. People forget those of us who live in the boonies I think - or they actively look down on us, which sucks. Sometimes the discourse feels so above my head - they're talking stores taking down their Pride decorations while I haven't even noticed the change because they NEVER do that here in the first place.

The other thing is that there was definitely a pushback towards asexuals specifically being considered LGBT a few years ago. Don't know the exact timeframe (I thankfully wasn't around online during that time) but the ripple effects can still be felt. I think the idea is that we were actually just heterosexual imposters in disguise or something - it's stupid - but it's made me very nervous about joining any LGBT groups. I always have to check to see if the LGBT+ actually includes the A, y'know? Add to that the fact that the LGBT community naturally talks a lot about sex and romance (understandable, I'm not trying to change it, on a logical and ideological level I think talking about these things frankly is good) and I can sometimes feel alienated there. Some LGBT people seem to think that sexual freedom means "everyone should have sex all the time" and like ... no. It means the freedom to choose whatever you want. If you're forcing something on me you're just as bad as everyone else.

21. What message would you give to your younger self?

Measure your life's value in happiness, not money.

28. Do you experience both romantic and sexual attraction? Do you experience them the same across any gender(s) you are attracted to?

I definitely do not have the sexual attraction, for anyone. I can tell generally when someone is supposed to be hot, but only because I've learned from experience what is socially accepted as "hot". I can definitely find people beautiful but it's in the same way I'd find a landscape beautiful - I want to stare at it, maybe I want to draw it, but nothing else. I've noticed I tend to find women beautiful more often than men; I don't know if that's because I'm more familiar with the biology, because women tend to dress up more due to societal pressures, or just a weird preference. But again, it never progresses beyond aesthetic appreciation and there have definitely been guys I like to look at too so it's not 100% reliable.

Romantic is harder. When you take out everything physical, I have a hard time telling the difference between a romance and a close friendship. I'm dense as a brick when people flirt with me because I literally cannot tell they're not just being friendly. I know I'm not upset by being single like some people seem to be, but I do get lonely without friends. There are people I want to get to know better and do stuff with - is that wanting friends? Romantic attraction? I DUNNO MAN! Most people do not seem to have this problem, so I assume I'm different and slap the aromantic label on myself. It works.

33. What about your LGBT identity do you feel proud of/want to recognize/celebrate?

I'm proud of my own independence when it comes to relationships. I don't need a significant other or a sexual partner to be "complete," contrary to what the world says. If you want those things, by all means, but for those people who are ace/aro, who aren't ready for a relationship, or are learning to just exist as themselves alone for the first time, I want to be living proof that it is possible to be happy on your own. You are not half of a person if you are single. You are a whole person. Just you is enough.

34. What are you needing most right now (what would make your life easier or more fulfilling in regards to existing as queer)?

I need a new wardrobe. Been having Gender Thoughts(TM) thanks in no small part to some of my mutuals going through it and I'm now realizing that a lot of my clothes don't really fit who I am in my head anymore. My family was kinda poor growing up and I learned not to waste things, so I have a lot of old clothes and hand-me-downs still left over, many of which are pretty classic feminine. I want to try getting some more masculine stuff and see how that feels. (if uh... if any of you have advice for going slightly more masc please let me know, this is new to me and I am confuzzled)

Living in an area where I don't see Trump 2024 signs, blue-line cop stuff, and Confederate flags every four feet would be nice too, but that's a longer-term goal.

[remyfire]

What do you think of the restrictions by Mastercard and visa against nsfw creators on patreon and gumroad? You once said you were a published author, in your bio at one point, do you feel like your work is at all threatened?

I'm not happy with it. Understatement of the century, I know.

As a published queer erotic romance author, I am in the line of fire, but I am also in many ways quite far down the food chain. I believe all creators of erotic art in some form or fashion understand that the writing on the wall starts with how sex workers are treated, and especially trans femme and/or sex workers of color. Again, understatement of the century to say that they have never been given the protections and safety that they deserve as human beings, much less as sex workers, but in the past decade especially, they have been particularly under siege.

This means that for quite a few years, my community of queer romance authors have been discussing this very subject, raising awareness about every new restriction that tries to sneak by, and holding fundraisers to fund organizations which are continuing to take these infinite battles through legal channels, provide relief for sex workers and other erotic creators, and other such things. We'd be doing this even without concern about our own livelihoods—though the pulling of Nora Roberts books, of all the fucking romance authors, from multiple library shelves a couple of years ago due to puritanical standards really made the trumpets blast—but suffice to say that this has been on my mind and heart for quite some time, and seeing the new tendrils of restrictions creep through is exhausting but not surprising.

All of which is to say that of course I am disgusted by the continuously rising restrictions against erotic artists on these various platforms. This directly affects my wife's livelihood and it's taking a toll on her, which is having ripple effects through my entire household. But I think marginalized creators who are already suffering the effects of these regulations are the ones who need to be platformed right now rather than a white erotic romance author who currently has another source of income available, if that makes sense. I believe that they have far more meaningful words to say right now than I do.