#it's been really hard to focus on a book I'm not enjoying while dealing with a sudden decline in my health

[pigeonclaw]

I had... such a hard time reading River of Fire. This book clearly has no sense for what it's trying to say or where it's going. Chapter lengths vary wildly (chapter 1 is 17 pages, chapter 9 is barely 5 pages and ends so abruptly) and any development for the characters is limited to an even more severe version of AVoS's usual problem —putting in a lot of short time skips and telling us afterwards that a problem was resolved off-screen, leading to a book that is almost entirely filler. (Funniest example is how a chapter-end cliffhanger was that Squirrelflight was one of the sickest cats in camp, and then in the next chapter some time has gone by and it's offhandedly mentioned that she's recovering well. She doesn't actually appear in a scene even once until after the plague is over.) I can feel the author struggling to find something to write about. And it's weird and sad to me because there actually is potential for a good plot here.

At this point, we've got a lot of cats struggling to find their place and fit into their homes: Twigpaw, Tree, Yarrowleaf, and sort of Sleekwhisker — she's ultimately a traitor, but still. All of these cats have a personal connection to Violetshine. She feels betrayed and depressed by Twigpaw going back to ThunderClan, she feels personally responsible for Tree because she found him and brought him here and — as is her typical pattern — she got attached to him really quickly for that reason, and she sympathizes with Sleekwhisker and Yarrowleaf but remains angry and distrustful towards them for their role in ShadowClan's dissolution and Needletail's murder. ShadowClan as a whole is just trying to get by and fit into SkyClan. This is a very unsettling time for both Clans, and for Violetshine in particular.

I would love for the plot to focus on this! Give me a book about Violetshine throwing everything into her friendship with Tree out of desperation to make someone in her life stay with her, spending time with Sleekwhisker and Yarrowleaf, and gaining some insight from her time with all of them about how hard it is to figure out where you belong when you don't really fit in anywhere and your loyalties are split between different groups. Bringing this understanding to her relationship with Twigpaw and learning to forgive her for leaving and trust her to make the right choices. Finpaw can also fit into that category of cats who are trying to fit into a new Clan. He and Twigpaw can be a great parallel/contrast to what's going on in SkyClan.

These elements are touched on only briefly — if at all — in the actual book and it's so disappointing. All relationships and character development are ignored in favor of devoting every single chapter to someone worrying about yet another vague and spooky prophecy and doing absolutely nothing about it. I'm with Jayfeather on this one — I'm sick of the prophecy.

A story is only ever as strong as its characters. This is why AVoS feels so weak to me — especially River of Fire — because the characters are not the focus. No matter how interesting they could be, they're always pushed aside. It's always about whatever prophecy of the day mentions the words "darkness" or "shadows" and ultimately barely matters.

[rainyyynightssss]

Twisted Wonderland

Reacting to you having trouble with other students

Characters: Trey, Jade, Floyd, Rook

Notes: Some violence

Trey Clover

You sit next to Trey at a library table, shoulders brushing up against each other as you both look at the textbooks splayed across the surface. You had been having trouble some of your classwork and it seemed harder than usual since you come from a world without magic. Trey, noticing your struggles, offered to help you study which was a compromise since you first asked to copy his notes.

You've been trying to focus on the notes and tips he's giving you instead of the lingering touches as he directs your hand to the next page, or the small praises he gives you after getting a question right, or his soft breath on your cheek as he leans close to check your work. No, you've been diligently studying and not feeling any kind of heat in your face.

"And what about this one?" Trey asks as he taps his finger on the open page in the textbook. You look down at the words and think for a moment.

"Um..so sublimation is...turning solids into gas...without having to go through the liquid phase?" You half-guess. Trey smiles and hands you another chocolate covered candy that he had called 'motivation'.

"Right again. You're better at this than you think." He says as he flips the pages over to the next question. You sigh and rest your face on your hand.

"I really should be compensated for all this trouble." You mention.

"The trouble of doing your work?" Trey chuckles, "I can whip something up for you later. Your favorite, of course." He winks.

Just as you're about to launch into a discussion about your favorite dessert, something hard is knocked into the back of your head. You whip around and find a couple of Heartslabyul boys passing behind you. One of them is holding a heavy book and smirking while the other two try to hide their snickers behind their hands.

You have no idea what you could have done to these boys. Sometimes just breathing was enough to piss off students at Night Raven College.

"Whoops. Wasn't paying attention." One of the boys says flippantly as he shifts the book to his other arm, nearly smacking you again. You rub the back of your head, ready to tell them off when one of them eyes the bag of candies on the table.

"Oh, Trey! Can we have some? Please!" The boy begs and his friends follow suit. Trey stares at them with a blank look for a few moments before smiling.

"Sure. Here you go," He hands them a handful of the chocolate candies each, "They taste better if you eat them all at once."

The Heartslabyul boys run off after receiving the candy without a thank you or an apology. You narrow your eyes at Trey.

"Awfully kind of you to give candy to my assailants." You sigh dramatically but Trey shakes his head.

"Something tells me they won't be enjoying this treat." He smiles again.

Suddenly, across the room, you can hear a chorus of "ewwww"'s followed by some coughing and gagging. You gape and turn back towards Trey.

"What did you change the taste to?" You ask in interest but he merely winks at you.

"I have no clue. It's just supposed to be chocolate." He responds innocently. His smile turns into a frown as he gently rubs the back of your head where you were hit.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more. Though if it's any consolation, Riddle will probably deal with them after he finds out just how severe their lack of manners are." Trey offers.

You think his caresses on your head like you're something that needs care is consolation enough. But you don't say that, instead leaving your head on his shoulder and closing your eyes. Trey closes the textbooks and wraps an arm around your waist, done with studying for today but he didn't need an excuse to want to hang out with you.

Jade Leech

You finish taking a couple's order down on the notepad Azul provided to you and walk back towards the kitchen. You've been taking a couple shifts at the Mostro Lounge in order to pay off some of the damage Grim has caused by being...everywhere. Azul was benevolent enough to take you in and you just managed to slip through signing a contract with him, much to his chagrin.

Jade took on the responsibility of showing you the ropes, a little too eagerly which you found suspicious. He did tell you everything there is to know about serving and walked you through it. He didn't get irritated after you accidentally dropped a dish or forgot to add an appetizer a table ordered. Or at least you assumed he didn't since his smile never changed. Though you did notice that waiters who messed up one too many times were taken to the back by Jade. You hope that'll never happen to you.

You pass by Jade as he carries an abnormal amount of plates on his arms towards a table. He nods at you with his smile, not a hint of strain on his face.

"You have a new group at table 13. They can get a bit unruly so I'll-" Jade starts but you take the plates containing drinks off his hand.

"No, I got it! Thanks, Jade!" You tell him before dashing off to table 13. While you are definitely in this for the money, you also couldn't help but want to impress Jade and show him that his training was not in vain.

As you approach the table, you can already hear the group of boys chatting and laughing. You set the drinks down and give them a smile, readying your notepad.

"Are you guys ready to order or do you need more time?" You ask.

"What does it look like?" A blondie responds dryly. The rest of the boys stare at you like they're wondering if you passed elementary school.

"That you're...ready?" You guess awkwardly. The blondie rolls his eyes and the rest scoff, their assumptions about your schooling seemingly confirmed.

"Obviously we need more time." Another says and you nod, turning around to leave.

"I'll be back soon then-"

"Where are you going? We're ready to order." You turn back around to find the blondie smirking. Your hands tighten on your notepad and you fight to keep your smile. How did Jade do this all the time?

"What can I get for you?" You keep your eyes focused on the notepad, hoping that will lower your irritation.

"Can I get...uh..." You listen to one of them mumbling before a loud yelp is heard. You look over to see Jade gripping the wrist of the blondie who is frozen in fear and wincing. His grip is so tight that the boy's hand is turning white. You also find that the hand being gripped is dangerously close to touching your bottom.

"Harassing waiters in our lounge is strictly against our policy. I'll have to ask you to leave." Jade says, still smiling as ever. Though this time, you could see the strain in him, not from fatigue but something more lethal.

"I-I wasn't-" The boy tries to plead but Jade only tightens his grip.

"Wasn't trying to touch them? Well, security cameras will be the judge of that." Jade responds and the boy breathes a little easier.

"And so will I." Jade adds before snapping the wrist of the blondie, causing him to scream in pain. The boy flies out of the booth and stumbles towards the exit, crying as he holds his flailing wrist. Jade turns back towards the group.

He doesn't have to say a word since the other boys quickly sprint out of the lounge. You look between the exit and Jade in shock.

"Uh, well, thanks, I think. That might've been a bit excessive..." You trail off and Jade merely wipes a spot on your shoulder one of the fleeing boys must have brushed past.

"Are you alright? You can take a break in the back. Azul does time them though." He tells you and you shake your head with a smile.

"I'm alright. I only have half an hour left anyways. Hopefully those guys won't be back." You eye the exit but Jade takes your arm and leads you to you next table.

"They have an incentive not to. And if they do," He leans down close enough so that you could see the sharp edges of his teeth, "You'll tell me, won't you?"

Floyd Leech

You sit at your desk in Professor Trein's class, listening to him drone on as you take down notes. You always tried hard to pay focus in classes, which annoyed a certain eel sitting right behind you. He often pestered you in this class and you wondered why he didn't have anything better to do, like pay attention.

As Trein turns around to write something on the board, something soft and crinkly hits the back of your head. You look behind you to see Floyd grinning and pointing at the floor. You roll your eyes as you see a crumpled up paper on the ground. Curiosity got the best of you and you open up the paper.

Bored??? I am! Let's ditch!

You write a big, fat NO over his words on the paper and throw it back at him. Trein faces the class again to lecture and you can practically feel Floyd's dramatic sigh as he flops back in his chair.

"Can I see your notes?" Your seatmate asks you as he peers over at your notebook. You scoot your notes closer to you. Just last week, your seatmate had 'accidentally' tripped you while you were walking up to the board.

"Haven't you been taking your own?" You mutter.

"Yeah, but I wanna see yours." The boy starts tugging on your notebook and you try to pull it back.

"No, would you let go?" You hiss as you try to keep hold of your notes. The boy grabs your wrist to try and pull your hand off but he freezes as a looming shadow falls behind him.

"Wanna use my notes? I've got plenty." Floyd grins, all teeth.

The boy stammers, unable to say anything. Floyd grabs his hair and yanks his head back, staring straight down at him.

"Can't hear me? Should I talk louder?" Floyd asks with a giggle as he pulls on the boy's hair harder.

"Leech!" Trein reprimands. Floyd huffs and lets the boy's hair go, sending him reeling into his desk. You glance back at Floyd.

"You didn't actually take any notes, did you?" You ask.

"Sure I did." Floyd hands you his notebook. There's a couple of bullet points about a new takoyaki recipe he wants to try. He also added some doodles of an eel and a tiny shrimp.

Rook Hunt

You sigh as you write your woes down into a journal you started keeping a couple months ago. A group of Pomefiore boys have been bothering you for a while. They constantly put down your looks, calling it critique without giving any helpful tips nor was any of it even asked for. Even when you tried to avoid them on your way to see the vice housewarden, they still managed to corner you every now and then.

You finish writing and toss your notebook on your desk that sits right under your window. You think things may be better tomorrow as you rest your head on your pillow.

***

You head down the path towards the illustrious path that houses the Pomefiore students. Rook had messaged you in the morning, urging you to come by and see a "most beauté activity". You have no idea what this entails but it might be worth checking out.

You find Rook in a grass clearing just behind the dorms. He has his fingers in a square shape as he gazes at something in the distance. He sees you and gasps in surprise, grabbing both of your hands in his.

"Mon lumière! I'm overjoyed that you've accepted my invitation!" Rook spins you around.

"I can tell," You laugh a little, "What's this activity though?"

"I'm glad you asked! You see, I've been wanting to sharpen up my archery skills. The art of the bow and arrow is simply dur mais juste." Rook tells you.

"And you remember I mentioned wanting to watch?" You guess.

"Exactement! I already have the targets set up and all you have to do for now is watch." Rook takes you further down the clearing and your eyes widen in horror. The Pomefiore boys that have been bothering you were tied up to a row of trees, their mouths gagged and a juicy, red apple sits precariously on each of their heads.

"...What is this?" You ask hesitantly.

"Like I said, mon lumière, target practice! Now stand behind me and watch as I pull the drawstring..." Rook's eyes are hyper focused as he points an arrow at one of the boys whose screams are muffled behind the rope.

"Rook, there is something very wrong here!" You shout in concern. He releases the tension in the bow and points the arrow at the ground. He stares at you for a moment before lighting up again.

"You're right! You should be the one pulling the arrow. Such an eye for beauty you have." Rook sighs happily as he stands behind you and places the bow and arrow in your hands. They shake unsteadily as you hold them. There was no way you were going to be able to hit the apples.

"Rook, this isn't-" You gasp as he uses your hands to pull the drawstring and the arrow shoots forward. You squeeze your eyes shut and hear the sound of four consecutive hits.

You slowly open your eyes and see four arrows perfectly shot in the middle of each apple, no doubt due to magical intervention. The group of boys sob in fear, not realizing it wasn't their heads that got hit.

You take a deep breath and look behind you at Rook who seems as pleased as ever.

"Did you know those guys have been bothering me?" You ask with narrowed eyes.

"How would I know that?" Rook responds with a smile.

"So you just happened to pick them out?"

"I needed targets. Who better than those who can't appreciate true beauté?"

You'll be moving your journal to a more secure location.

[666writingcafe]

The Home Theater

Satan

"I don't remember the House of Lamentation having one of these," MC notes as they take in their surroundings. "Whose idea was it to put one here?"

"It was mine," I answer. "Barbatos helped me set everything up. All the equipment, the acoustics...it's all top-notch."

"By human world standards, or Devildom ones?" I've forgotten how observant they are. MC seems to enjoy taking in all sorts of information, even if it seems insignificant to other people. That's one of the things I like about them.

"According to the employee at DevTech--I mean, Best Buy--we have the top-of-the-line equipment, and the quality is comparable to some of ours." I hate that I keep swapping human world names with Devildom ones. I personally feel like I'm better than that.

"Have you guys used it yet?"

"Funny that you mention that, because we just started a zombie movie marathon last weekend."

"Was that your idea as well?" I nod my head.

"The idea of zombies has interested me for a while now. While there are diseases and curses that can induce a zombie-like state in demons, it's usually a temporary problem that can be solved with medicine. That doesn't seem to be the case with humans."

"Are you solely basing that on our movies?"

"Of course not. I've also read books."

"Fiction or non-fiction?" Oh, I'm about to blow their mind.

"Both, actually."

While the human world seems to focus on the fantastical elements of zombies, the Devildom has meticulously recorded all zombie outbreaks that have occurred throughout the centuries. You see, sometimes a human zombie accidentally stumbles in the Devildom, and we have to deal with that situation properly in order to prevent chaos.

While we've certainly dealt with the stereotypical zombies--the ones that are slow-moving, crave brains, and are more or less dead--those aren't the only ones that we've come across. Some are capable of sprinting, others aren't too keen on brains, and there's even those that appear perfectly fine on the outside but have some kind of parasite in their brain that's making them carry out orders with no thought whatsoever.

Although, sometimes the parasite doesn't have a physical form and is instead created as a result of rather intense brainwashing.

"I see," MC states once I've completed my mini lecture. "Somehow, that's never come up in any of my classes."

"That's because you've only taken general knowledge ones. RAD offers majors, and with those comes specific classes for particular areas of study. Although, in order to declare a major, you have to prove that you have a solid understanding of the fundamentals first, since you might get pulled to teach a class or two."

"Has that ever happened to you guys?"

"Lucifer and I are the only ones out of our bunch that have declared a major. Belphie's been offered, but he doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of teaching, so he just takes whatever interests him. The others simply haven't proven themselves yet. Levi struggles with attendance, and Beel has difficulty concentrating. As for Mammon and Asmo, I think they're content with where they're at right now, so they're not going to push themselves too hard."

"What do you and Lucifer major in?"

"He does potions and curses. I focus on history and literature. Somehow, despite my sin, I tend to be a more patient teacher than him. At least, that's what I've heard from other students."

"That's really interesting." MC appears deep in thought. "Do you think I could major in something?"

Honestly, I don't know how to answer that question, mainly because we've never had beings outside the Devildom attend RAD before Diavolo implemented the exchange program. It wouldn't surprise me if he did allow MC and the others to declare a major eventually, but I don't know how long that would take. Would MC be alive by then? Or be in a good physical and mental state to take in additional knowledge, let alone teach an entire classroom? Personally, I think they have the best chance out of the initial exchange students of eventually declaring a major, but that isn't for me to determine.

"That would be something to ask Diavolo. I don't think I'm qualified to answer that question." MC nods their head.

"So, changing the subject...wanna watch a movie together?"

"Like, right now?"

"Yeah!" I sigh.

"As much as I would like to, I doubt the others would be happy if I kept you all to myself before they've even had the chance to say hi to you. I will have to take your offer some other time."

"Sounds good. I'll try to find a good movie for us to watch together in the meantime."

"You bring the movie, and I'll whip up something nice for us to eat." MC snorts in amusement. "Do you not think I'm capable of cooking, MC?"

"It's not that at all. Just reacting to an idea I had, that's all."

"What kind of thought?" Interesting. My question has made them tense up all of a sudden. Usually they only get that way if someone catches them doing something that they think they're not supposed to do. Like fiddling with strange objects.

Or having dirty thoughts.

I keep coming across the phrase "Netflix and chill" in the media I've been consuming, and it appears to be referring to hooking up with someone as a movie's playing in the background. Is MC wanting to do that with me?

Are they afraid I'd find the idea silly? Because I don't. I mean, if it was something that I was invested in, then I'd want to pay attention to whatever was playing, but I'm more than capable of choosing something that I can tune out as I focus on something else.

Especially if that something else happens to be MC.

I lean in closer to them to whisper,

"You know, I went ahead and assembled a collection of movies I thought you'd like." I plant a kiss right below MC's ear, making them shiver slightly. "I really enjoyed picking them out, actually." I begin moving down their neck. "It was fun thinking about what might appeal to you. There are so many genres that are worth exploring."

[whispangleblogger]

I am not somebody that hops onto the "comic discourse" a lot. I usually prefer to talk things through with my friends and share opinions in private.

But since Tangle more or less got ignored so far i take the chance and talk a bit about her appearance in 64

She jumps in as a supportive character towards Whisper and helps her to prevent another breakdown. While yes, there was a scene in Urban Warfare that did the exact same thing, i feel like with issue 64 we finally see how strong of an impact this support actually has on the page. (I talk a bit more about Urban Warfare further down this post.) I don't even dare and call this bait (Edit: Not my words btw. i saw this used in another heated post. I personally never felt baited in any form. If anything, the girls relationship is one big highlight in these comics.) because it simply isn't. Here is a character that cares for her partner and also is uncomfortable with the whole situation to begin with. She has to decide where her priorities lie. Her reaction is to be expected to be focused on a trembling Whisper and all i can say is i'm glad we finally have a good depiction of that.

Tangle has the right to approach Whisper in ways i think no other character is able to, she earned it and it pretty much shows on this page. Softly taking down Whisper's mask and checking on her, the body language in these panels is chefs kiss. She's truly a bouncy girl, but it's good to see her being serious every now and then, i feel like it's a side of her that people usually tend to ignore. (And i really don't know why that is.) Evan Stanley does always an amazing job if it comes to showing Tangle in a different light or how she cares about her friends and loved ones. In regards about the current arc and even the last one, i feel like this post is a good chance to add my personal take to it as well, since it's been on my mind for a good while now. I feel like 64 finally makes a step into the right direction again.

To elaborate a little on that, i wasn't really a big fan of Urban Warfare, simply for the fact that it's pacing is all over the place. There were a lot of things that needed to be covered, to name a few: - new team building - Whisper's trauma - Lanolin introduced as a new character - a LOT of other teams jumping into the scene - the city itself all squeezed into a 5 book arc. One more book compared to a mini series that usually gives full focus to a set of chosen characters.

To make this clear, there are also good things in Urban Warfare as well but thanks to the fact how rushed the whole story felt in it's core it's a bit hard to enjoy the good bits as well...

Misadventures still deals with the same pacing problem and i believe that is where the real issue lies. As a reader/collector of the books and longtime fan of them, all i can say is:

I wish the comics would get their old, well cared, time for details back. Yes, a story like the Metal Virus was a long run but in the end it was a fantastic read. Mini arcs like Trial by Fire (Still one of my favorites), that focus on other things instead of the usual action, are also very important for character development and add a lot of depth to them. Endless Summer is a great example for such addition as well. These books provide insight into character interaction we usually don't see otherwise. Of course i have no idea how much SEGA is involved into everything if it comes to general decisions like how long one arc is supposed to last and when the next one should start.

(The next part is based on my personal taste, this has nothing to do with the general narrative of the books. I just want to share my thoughts about this since i really don't write them down a lot.)

As a little side note, i feel like Lanolin is a great character so far. Her stubborn and rule book like demeanor as a leader is refreshing to say the least. She also seems to be really close to how her creator ABT imagines her to be and i really appreciate that. But i can't help it and feel like her team dynamic with Tangle and Whisper comes of as rather… rocky ? On a combat level of things it works really good but on a friendship level it's somehow lacking atm. There is this boss and coworker relationship going on that feels more like real work. Obviously though she's new and needs more time to get better established. I guess we will see how this plays out in the future. I'm all in for a good or funny team dynamic but i also can't help it and feel like she works better as an addition to Jewel, running the restoration, the navigator typ that sends intel via com instead of a field combatant. Even if she proved she's good at close combat as well during her encounter with Whisper in 64. That being said, i am all open for surprises and more character development on her part. This is really just a "now" opinion and can easily change over time. I like the sheep, i really do.

[helenofjupiter]

assigning taylor swift songs to bridgerton couples (part 1)

with explanations that no one asked for (proceed with caution)

part 2 for e, f, g and h

so i’ve been going kinda crazy about bridgerton the past few weeks, i read (and reread) all eight books and at some point while reading i couldn't stop trying to find taylor songs in my mind which would fit each couple. so i chose two songs for every pair, some of these have actual thought behind them, others are mostly based on vibes. i hope you enjoy this unhinged tangent <3

anthony & kate - i was actually reading gregory’s book when this completely genius thought hit me - treacherous IS the kanthony song. i mean it starts with “put your lips close to mine as long as they don’t touch”. insert a picture of any one of the hundred times they almost kissed in the show. even the build up of the song reminds me so much of the slow burn we had in the series. also lyrics like “i hear the sound of my own voice asking you to stay” (anthony being “what?? no!!! you can’t go back to india. wtf do you mean you’re not staying once edwina marries???”),  “and all we are is skin and bone trained to get along forever going with the flow but you're friction” through the lens of kanthony i see this line as them just constantly aggravating each other.

the second song for them is dancing with our hands tied. i hadn’t thought about this song in a criminally long time. oh boy. (i also just now realised how long this post is gonna be) “i, i loved you in secret, first sight, yeah we love without reason” i’m sorry but these dumb bitches were in love since that first fateful early morning horse ride you can’t convince me otherwise. “people started talking, putting us through our paces // but we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied, hands tied” this screams when they got caught and were forced to marry in the book. their hands were tied - they had no other choice but to marry but they were dancing because they actually did love each other (awww). other than that there are two lines that sort of go hand in hand - “i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us” and “i'm a mess, but i'm the mess that you wanted” in my head this is from anthony’s perspective. him dealing with his fear of morality and losing kate and while kate does have the eldest daughter syndrome, anthony is the bigger mess of a person in the relationship.

benedict & sophie - enchanted is a no brainer, it needs no explanation. now for their second song i picked the lakes. this resides in the vibes category. listening to this i can’t help but imagine benophie living an artsy quiet life in my cottage. i’m actually interested to see how their living situation will play out in the show because i feel in the books benedict wasn’t as involved in the ton. i guess it’s just a bit hard for me to envision show!ben being so chill about moving to some place in the middle of nowhere. 

colin & penelope - of course, dress. i listened to this on repeat while reading the whole book in one sitting. honestly a marvellous experience, can’t recommend enough . for the second song i had to go looking, had to travel far like colin one might say. and once i arrived in the long forgotten country of taylor’s debut album i found a piece of music so clearly polin coded that it’s baffling this fandom isn’t talking about it. the song in question is  i’m only me when i’m with you. it feels silly to explain this one because being from taylor’s early career the lyrics aren’t terribly clever so let’s focus on the chorus. “i'm only up when you're not down, don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground” some people want colin to be just ken in the show but i actually really liked how they both have a career in writing at the end of the book (penelope better had published the book she started writing). “the other half i'm only trying to let you know that what i feel is true and i'm only me when i'm with you” you can’t tell me this isn’t colin telling penelope she is beautiful over and over again and how much he loves him because he was a fool not to realise it sooner. while in the book penelope feeling like she is truly confident and herself around colin, i think in the show this line works from colin’s side just as well. 

daphne & simon - while most of the fandom has crowned wildest dreams as the saphne anthem (taylor’s version), i just couldn’t get behind it. yes, they used the song in their season but in my mind it just does not embody their relationship. firstly, the great war, i mean the first line “my knuckles were bruised like violets”. simon… boxing… you see the connection, right? okay, i promise it gets (even) better. “and maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt. telling me to punish you for things you never did” in case of simon, he was hanging on to his hate towards his father and refusing to have kids with daphne, punishing her while it wasn’t her fault what had happened to him as a child. “somewhere in the haze, got a sense i’d been betrayed” i hate this part of their stroy (i do not condone daphne’s actions) yet i can so clearly picture simon still partly on his high of pleasure but starting to realise what daphne had done to him. i think i like this as their song because well they both were all kinds of wrong in this situation and at the end of the song it’s acknowledged “there's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair” and still it has a happy ending just like saphne. their second song was hard to find and i’m not a hundred percent sure about it but a present to you so it goes…  “all eyes on us, you make everyone disappear” - season 1, episode 1 “stare into my eyes”. i felt i needed to give them a sexy song and i do feel like it matches their sexual tension but this one is definitely up for debate.

[presleyannn]

advice from Taz - 9.25.23

One thing about me is that I am a big fan of anime. Not only that, but my brain loves to hyperfixate on things. Therefore, I am often hyperfixated on anime.

My latest hyperfixation is One Piece. It really is crippling in law school when your every waking moment is consumed with thoughts of One Piece lol.

So as you might imagine, as a One Piece fan, I was extremely excited for the live action. I really admired all the time, effort, and love that was put into the show from Oda and the cast and crew, so I could feel it in my bones that it would be good. It was btw. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should. Even if you're not a One Piece or anime fan. I got my best friend to watch it and she loves it. It has been a true joy to see so many new people get into One Piece.

But anyway, being a fan of the live action, I feel that it's only natural that I fell in love with the cast too. The time and energy they put in and the dedication to the accurate portrayal of their characters is extremely admirable. If nothing else, watch the show just for them.

Although I love all the cast members, Taz Skylar really captured my heart. There is so much to love about him. I could go on about him all day, but that's not what this diary is about, so I won't.

ANYWAY, my point in mentioning this is that I booked a Cameo from him awhile ago, and he gave me the sweetest message and advice that really stuck with me, so I wanted to share it here.

I am in law school at only 20 years old, so I am one of the youngest in my class. I know that there are a few other 20 year olds in my class, but I have yet to meet any of them. As a result, I have been suffering from some pretty severe imposter syndrome. I often feel like a baby sitting in class, and I generally just feel out of place.

So, I shared this with Taz, and he reminded me of the quote, "Be less impressed and more involved," which I believe was coined by Matthew McConaughey. He said that he deals with imposter syndrome every day (as many of us do), but he repeats that quote to remind himself to be less concerned with everything that is going on around him, and more involved in what he needs to do to accomplish his goals and truly enjoy the experience.

Specifically, he told me to be less impressed with how smart everyone is around me, and more involved in what I need to do on a daily basis to achieve what I want to achieve. This really struck a chord in me and put things into perspective.

I find myself comparing myself to my classmates all too often. Seeing them seemingly prepared and on top of work knowing that I am behind has only put me more behind. I convince myself that they're already leagues ahead of me and I have no chance of catching up, so why even try?

But this quote really stuck with me and has helped me to detach myself from everything that's going on around me in order to focus on what I need to do in order to do my best on all my exams.

Of course the imposter syndrome has not gone away completely, I still have my moments where I feel like I'm not cut out for law school. But I also have moments where I remember what I'm here for in the first place, and I am able to remind myself that all the other standards I've been setting for myself don't really matter at the end of the day.

All I want is to be is a good lawyer that can help people who need it. However, law school loves to push the competition of it all, and it's hard to not get caught up in it. There's so much pressure to finish at the top of your class, and while that would be wonderful, as long as I can finish school with the ability to successfully represent my clients and achieve their deserved justice, nothing else matters to me. This is what I have to remind myself of each day when I find myself applying too much pressure to be “better” than my peers.

I need to be less impressed with how well everyone is doing around me–because I only end up thinking that I could never measure up to them and should just give up–and the fact that I even ended up in law school in the first place, and instead be more involved in my dreams and what I have to do to achieve them.

If you have a dream, a goal, something that you really want more than anything in the world, you CAN, and you WILL achieve it. Just remember to be less impressed with what is going on all around you (whether it be what other people are doing or even the awe of being in the situation you find yourself in), and be more involved in the work that must be done in order to achieve your goal. If you remain concerned with what people are doing around you or feeling like you are undeserving of the opportunities you are given, and fail to take advantage of those opportunities and put in the required work, then you will remain right where you are while everything else outgrows you, including your dreams.

But I believe in you, and I am manifesting it for you. You WILL achieve your dreams. You got this!

And here’s Taz for you :)

[aesthetictanuki]

I kinda have to ramble a little skdjfksdjf.

SPOILERS FOR THE NEWLY RELEASED CHAPTERS OF ID 2

Okay, I like ID, I've fell in love with Cas' character, I've come to liking Gabe a lot too. Also, I want to point out that despite still arguing (guessing they really wanna drive the whole "jealousy" thing home), they seem to work together a lot more, knowing how much MC cares- which I appreciate and enjoy watching.

But like, PB had room to explore some hard-hitting concerns with being a vampire- maybe even letting us into what it was like for Cas and Gabe when they were human too, letting us get to know them way better and polish them as characters.

Because, am I the only one who wonders what happened to everything that may be human to MC? Didn't they have a dream college to go to? What if they wanted to explore the world or just simply go overseas? What if their mom decides that it's time to move out? The lines deal destroyed all of that kinda, also I doubt your coven would let you leave anyway. MC pretty much has been chained to the town forever, I feel like that's something worth giving us at least a chapter or two about - or just explore it throughout the whole story.

I have some thoughts on how morality plays a role in the whole biting/hunting thing too, because that lowkey felt lackluster in ID 1 - and what, you're gonna tell me no vampire had any thoughts or feelings about being a predator now? Hunting someone that could be someone else's family and friends? Or just feeding off of them in general? I just feel like we haven't properly explored the mental side of things, but I know there's a chapter about hunting, so I'm gonna stay (mostly) quiet. I know vampires may have mixed emotions to what being human is to them like Cas- but PB isn't giving me much to work with.

Not to mention, they've showed that they lack writers tbh. I didn't personally liked the dinner scene in ch.4 for example- I know hunger is a big part of the story at the moment, but I kinda hoped for seeing MC's mom interacting with Cas and Gabe more. Showing me what she thinks about them, what they would talk about. Those two are clearly very important people to MC, I kinda wanted to see at least a proper scene with her getting to know them and hinting at a relationship being built, it's clear as day that those are your kid's romantic interests- and she's a good mom overall, I think she'd like to meet those mysterious little freaks your child constantly hangs around with.

And, I don't know if you remember, but in book 1, there was a scene after the hospital fiasco where MC was wondering who bit who between LIs, and they made a whole deal about it. But then in book 2 if you go see those silver brands, they just kinda drop on you that Cas got punished once for messing up while Gabe was still a human.

So doesn't that indicate that Cas turned Gabe? And they just glazed over that?

I'm gonna end it with the fact that I'm kinda irritated with the fact that we could - but don't as of now- get an MC that would simply go "wait, hold up... I think I'm polyam", with the Gabe and Cas situation. I agree that there should absolutely be choice for people, but I personally did agree in book 1 to be with both of them- I think even if you choose just one person, there's still an option to be with them both in a way, and flirt with both? And they don't establish any rules (as in who's okay with what to make sure nobody is hurt and uncomfortable, and suffers in silence for the sake of others), they don't talk, nothing. Again, I fully get that the transformation is a huge deal and has to take the first seat, that's obvious, but... not even a little convo? 4 chapters in? I think it would be really cool to have them explore this side, along with having the possibility of MC discovering they might be a polyamorous person. And they just focus on "the other being jealous" which, I feel like, makes my MC look like he's just a dickhead - or at least incredibly inconsiderate- it's like "My two first loves" all over again.

Or at least it feels like "being a vampire" takes the spotlight, controling yourself is the main course and concerns, not to mention all those pesky human feelings and concerns are thrown into the garbage. I'm trying to stop myself from being overly judgemental, because I'd like to finish the book first, but I don't know.

You PB fuckers are lucky you made Cas so damn likable.

[libertyreads]

Book Review #114 of 2023--

System Collapse by Martha Wells. Rating: 4 stars.

Read from September 6th to 8th.

Before I get into the review, a quick thank you to both NetGalley and the publishers over at Tor giving me access to one of my most anticipated releases of the year in exchange for an honest review. If you've been here for any length of time then you already know about the Murderbot Diaries, but let me give you a quick series synopsis. In the series, we follow a Security Unit (SecUnit) who has hacked their governor module and all it wants now is to do its job while watching its shows. But SecUnit finds itself getting attached to humans as it travels the universe which inevitably leads to more danger and drama and dealing with more Corporation Rim companies than it would like. In this one, we follow SecUnit and its 'friend' ART who must protect their humans and some how prevent a company from seizing a colony of humans for their own selfish reasons. If only SecUnit wasn't starting to malfunction. This is the seventh in the series and it comes out on November 14th. Available for preorder now.

Discussing Murderbot with people who haven't read the series is hard, especially now that we're on number seven in the series. But we all know the basic premise, right? A SecUnit has gone rogue because it wants to not be controlled by a system that can kill it for disobeying. Oh, and so it can watch its shows. I will always enjoy getting back into this world. I think the author does such a great job with both the human characters and the constructs that always draws me in. This one actually made me like Ratthi way more than I did before which came as a huge surprise and showed me just how good of an author Martha Wells really is. At times I hated that something was wrong with Murderbot and that they weren't on top of their game the way they usually are. But we also got to see how trauma has impacted them and what happens when trauma just keeps getting compounded without any sort of treatment. The thing that I LOVED about this one was that we got both Murderbot and ART while also getting all of their humans. I love that the teams were mixed together based on task and ability instead of who came from where. And I loved that by the end Murderbot found itself attached to all the humans not just the ones it knew before meeting ART.

There were a few moments that felt unclear in the action. There is usually a decent amount of fight sequences/action scenes in this series and usually I can follow them pretty well, but in this one it felt more muddled. I think it might actually be me and not the book. I have a lot of real life stress going on at the moment so I feel like my focus has been pretty split. I'm willing to say it might not be the book's fault here. Just my attention span at the moment. I also wasn't 100% sure where this fit timeline wise for the series. It seems like it would fit after Network Effect and not the latest novella which is Fugitive Telemetry. Please correct me if I'm wrong here.

Overall, it's Murderbot and you cannot go wrong with reading some Murderbot. I will always sing this series' praises. Probably not my favorite but up there for sure.

[gorgeousgalatea]

You know what I'm trying to finally write again and anywhere is a good place to start so here are some bite sized reviews of my bite sized YA binge (including two other books I read a few weeks earlier):

The Narrow, by Kate Alice Marshall: This was a book I borrowed after skimming it with a strong impression I would enjoy it, and thankfully I was right! The main character is the daughter of two well off but neglectful parents who spend way more time on her deeply troubled brother, to the point where she doesn't find out they forgot to pay for her final year at boarding school until she's already arrived. Fortunately the wealthy parent of a sickly student is willing to cover her tuition, as long as she rooms with and takes care of that student for the year. Pity she's pretty sure she's the reason that student is sick. Oh, and their dorm room is haunted as hell.

The Narrows deals a lot with the subject of abuse--both romantic and familial--while couching it in an atmospheric ghost story. I liked the tone and the characters, and one thing I really enjoyed is that it used its first person narrative to paint a very familiar romantic fiction picture of the main character having no one else to relate to or rely on other than their new love interest who is ~the only one who understands them~, and deliberately made that the product of her own insecurities. The ghost and possession element also explored sense of self and identity in a way that pinged pretty hard with my ozqrow days. Bittersweet ending, but would recommend for anyone into sapphic ghost stories.

Before the Devil Knows You're Here, by Autumn Krause: Ehh this was the mediocre apple story. I loved the summary--the main character's struggling single father passes away suddenly, and before she even has time to mourn, the monster her father has been warning her about her entire life shows up on their doorstep to steal away her brother as well, so she sets out to find the monster and save her brother. I dunno, the problem could be me, that summary had me expecting Guillermo del Toro style Labyrinth--which I am now realizing someone could say "don't you just mean Pan's Labyrinth" and no, I mean the relationship with maturity and sexual awakening where the monstrous is outwardly monstrous--and that's...really not what it was at all. It was "what if Johnny Appleseed made a deal with the devil," which kudos, I have not seen before, but wasn't really into in its execution. I do appreciate a heroine with guile, though, and she does have that.

I Fed Her to the Beast and the Beast Was Me, by Jamison Shea: The premise of this one is pretty straightforward--a talented black ballet student makes a deal with a dark entity to have the opportunity to actually make it into the prestigious Parisian ballet troupe she's been chasing after her whole life, and discovers that being part of a cult with monstrous powers is actually less toxic than being a girl of color in the Parisian professional ballet scene. I really liked this one, it wasn't afraid to have its leading lady be monstrous and cruel and wrong, and it also made it clear which parts of her mindset were just the product of spending so long in a cut-throat industry that spent every moment rejecting her. The ending was a bit too neat for me, but overall the atmosphere was great. Genuinely almost anything with a title like that is probably something I'll end up enjoying lmao

What Stalks Among Us, by Sarah Hollowell: Two best friends get stuck in an evil corn maze! This wasn't my favorite, but I still enjoyed it a lot; the main character's habit of self-censoring even among friends was very resonant with me. The story hits the ground running and has good momentum on exploring the mystery of the maze and how it came to be. The nature of the maze is ultimately rooted in [womp womp] trauma, so that's a major element of the story, and unfortunately there is greater focus on the main character's trauma with her best friend supporting her, but I guess that's to be expected in a first person narrative. It still is ultimately about their friendship! Which is portrayed as valuable as is without developing into anything else.

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth, by Andrew Joseph White: Ultimately the most brutal of the books but I think that was what I liked about it. The main character is a trans boy in an 1882 London where mediums are a hot commodity but the women are only prized as potential baby makers for male mediums. The main character is caught trying to escape his conservative family and inevitable impending marriage, and sent to a corrective boarding school designed to turn mentally unwell spiritually sensitive women into demure brides. This boarding school is run about the way you would expect, and most of the story is the main character realizing just how bad it is and figuring out what can be done to escape. The exactly one way he's gotten lucky is that he and his future betrothed turn out to be t4t and are really quite cute together, but the main character is an aspiring surgeon and that means the story is not afraid to get visceral. Which really elevated the tone; there's room for a sequel in the ending to this one that I wouldn't mind reading.

[straight-to-the-pain]

Some thoughts on whump and how we enjoy it

I've spoken to a lot of people about why they enjoy whump and what they get out of it, and it made me think about my own enjoyment of whump and how I got into it, as well as how it intersects with things like kink and sexuality. The more I thought about this, the more I realised that a lot of the common discourse that I see in the community seems to stem from a mismatch in people's enjoyment and understanding of whump on a personal level, and I thought that it would be really fascinating to explore this further, which is why I'm making this post.

I'm not trying to start any arguments, but I would love to hear people's responses and views on the subject, so feel free to disagree or engage in respectful discussion in the notes. Under a cut for length and some discussion of kink and sexuality, in a non-sexual context.

To start off, I want to define whump as a very wide genre of fiction that encompasses any kind of mental or physical suffering inflicted on a character, whether for the explicit enjoyment of the writer or reader, or as a writing or plot device. While many many pieces of fiction and media contain aspects of whump, the thing that distinguishes us as whump writers and enjoyers is that we have a specific focus on that suffering, and often the comfort and recovery that can come after.

While many people think that kink/BDSM is something that is inherently sexual, this is also something that I disagree with. It tends to be considered nsfw as it deals with intimate interpersonal relationships and can often be sexual in nature, but nsfw does not have to mean sexual. In many contexts, violence, swearing, drugs and alcohol are all considered nsfw and can even make a film rating 18. I do think that it's important to draw certain lines between minors and adults when discussing sexuality and relationships, but what makes something inherently inappropriate for minors is often a contentious and highly debated topic.

When we've had these discussions previously, a lot of people took issue with the statement that whump could often be linked to sexuality. I definitely think that there is a category of whump enjoyers who are purely into suffering as a trope and fictional device, to explore character development or add intrigue to a plot, and that's completely fine, but I also think that for a lot of people it crosses over into a more personal interest.

I'm also aware that a lot of people in the whump community identify as asexual, and I don't want to discount that in any way, but I actually think that for people who aren't attracted in that way to other people, an interest in whump can almost fill the space that sexual attraction would otherwise take in their brain, and act as an expression of sexuality in its own right.

I personally do consider myself to be ace, because I've never felt sexual (or romantic, arguably, though that's harder to define) attraction to another person, but that doesn't mean that I don't find certain things sexy. I absolutely think that in the right context, violence can be incredibly sexy, even if it isn't sexual in nature. I've often found it hard to define my interest as either whump or kink, but for me that line is purely in what is fictional and inflicted on characters and what is something that I fantasise about personally or would be interested in doing irl.

When people ask me how and when I got into whump, I usually say that I found the community through gifs on tumblr, but I've been drawn to violence in a variety of contexts throughout my whole life, ever since I saw it in books and movies as a child. It's impossible for me to fully separate my enjoyment of the aesthetics of pain and my personal desires from what I like to inflict on my OCs in stories or see depicted on screen. And it is impossible to entirely separate that enjoyment from my sexuality either.

It often confuses me to see people who write very explicit nsfw content or reblog posts that are arguably about irl fantasies have 'kink blogs dni' notes in their bios. I understand that a lot of people want there to be a hard line between their whump and their kink, and while there are people whose kinks and whump interests are completely separate, it still seems futile to me to try to define your work in such a strict category when it is something that could be easily be read as kink.

Once you have written something, you do not have control over how someone else reads and enjoys it. You cannot know for sure that people won't read your entirely sfw piece of torture writing and not get off on it, or that people won't read your erotica for the plot and feel nothing about it sexually whatsoever. For a long time, I worried about trying to define my interest neatly and cleanly. Was whump something I enjoyed in fiction, or was I just into getting hurt irl as a kink? Did I find it sexual or was I into it for the character dynamics and the tropes?

The answer isn't a single thing for me. I love thinking about torture in an academic context, and I find the idea of being tortured for information sexy even if everyone keeps their clothes on, and on top of all of that, I find the dynamics between a torturer and a victim fascinating to explore in a piece of writing. Sometimes I search for things that are more explicitly sexual, and sometimes I read something and focus solely on the characters and not myself.

One thing that separates whump from other types of writing is the way we talk about our characters and our tropes in a meta sense. I often see people talking about finding characters hot or cute when they're in pain or covered in blood, or wanting to see them on their knees. Attraction is a very broad term and doesn't have to be sexual; it can be purely aesthetic in nature. But I still think that this signals a more personal involvement in whump than people might have with other genres.

We like to imagine ourselves as the characters getting hurt or as the ones doing the hurting, or maybe we like to see ourselves coming in at the end of it all to cradle our favourite characters in our arms and wash the blood from their faces. We wince when they get hurt and cheer for more, and we clap when they escape and when they get recaptured. And when you extend that to live action media with actors we find attractive, it adds a whole extra layer to the meaning of our interest.

A lot of the debates and arguments that I've seen arise over the years seem to come down to the nature of people's enjoyment of whump. I have seen people argue that whump should not be sexual, or that it's becoming too sexualised over time. I do think that there are sub genres of whump that are a lot more overtly sexual or kinky than others, but what differentiates whump from pure kink for me is that in whump the characters are not really consenting to something or enjoying it.

Of course this becomes even more complicated when you look at the growing popularity of 'pet whump', a genre that relies on the assumption that someone can be 'broken' and made to enjoy what is being done to them, even though it's still seen as a violation and an act of violence by the audience. In kink, someone might enjoy consensual non consent (which also doesn't have to be sexual), where an activity is pre negotiated but in the moment, the participants act as if it is a genuine unwanted attack while still maintaining consent and mutual enjoyment. I think that a line can be drawn between that as an irl fantasy, and the enjoyment of whump for some people, with 'pet whump' being a fantasy of being made to enjoy submitting against their will until they truly begin to want it.

And that isn't to say that this is why everyone enjoys the sub genre, or that it has to be sexual for anyone, but I do think that because of the overlap between 'pet whump' and D/s dynamics, there are people in the whump community who see it as more explicit and overtly kinky, and therefore want to distance themselves from it. This isn't a problem to me, as long as there isn't any personal or moral judgement attached to it, but I also don't think it's fair to tell people that they cannot call it whump, when their interest is primarily fictional in nature.

I have seen people argue that a specific trope isn't 'really whump' or shouldn't be considered part of the community, but I don't really think that this is a helpful perspective. I'm not a huge fan of 'pet whump' myself, because I really enjoy outright defiance and resistance (a huge part of my enjoyment of whump and kink in general is the idea of being able to win by enduring pain, defiance through bearing something difficult and keeping some part of yourself as your own throughout), but it's still a genre which sits snugly within the category of fictional suffering.

Trends change, tropes rise and fall in popularity, but at the end of the day there will always be people who like the things you do, for the reasons that you like them. Find those people, share each other's content, make your own groups within a large community, but don't tell other people that they aren't welcome because they have a different experience with whump to you.

Reflect on why you like something, consider whether it's something you enjoy in fiction or real life or both, and what draws you to certain tropes, for the sake of knowing yourself better if nothing else. Don't judge yourself too harshly and don't try to put people in boxes or draw hard lines in the sand. We're here because we are connected by a common interest, but we won't all like each other or enjoy the same things and that's okay. Happy whumping!

[folansstuff]

I'm bored, and you’ve been super kind, so here's a present for ya. I'm gonna try to come up with some genuinely good questions regarding Atticus. Some will be simple, while others will try to dig deeper. Here we go:

1. What is the most important thing in the world to Atticus? His undisputed #1 thing?

2. Would Atticus give this thing up if it meant saving mutantkind?

3. What angers Atticus most?

4. What saddens Atticus most?

5. What is Atticus' biggest flaw?

6. What is one regret he will carry for the rest of his life?

7. What made you follow the official timeline for his story instead of making your own?

8. Who do you think Atticus would be with if Illyana did not exist?

9. Is Atticus a genuinely good person to you? What dark traits does he have deep down, if any?

10. What could potentially turn him to a villain? If anything?

11. If you had to change his powers, what would they be?

12. How much of you has been reflected into this manbear?

And that is all for now! Hope you enjoy.

Thanks for the questions! I appreciate the questions, especially when they're thinkers like these ones. That being said, there are a lot of them so they're gonna go under a read more.

His books. It's Illyana. Of course it is. We are talking Illyana as number one, and then his students and team mates at second.

2. Absolutely not. This has more than once gotten him punched in the face for his stubbornness. His loyalty to Illyana is more than a little bit self-destructive lmao.

3. Atticus is an incredibly laid back dude, but literally any moment when he is forced to interact with Xavier makes him want to rip his hair out. Years of watching the egg-man ruin his friends, students and others lives because he think he knows best drives Atticus up the wall. Also Sinister, he exploded when he found out Sinister was on the Council.

4. SAD! KIDS! As a former traumatized teen and currently mildly traumatized adult, nothing upsets him more than seeing a young person having a rough time. This why he has so many (unofficial) adopted children (consisting of ever single student he has ever had).

5. A combo of stubbornness and, in a smaller sense, cowardice. Atticus has spent most of his adult life avoiding the superhero community, and until Krakoa, he was very committed to never getting involved. This has made him difficult to deal with, especially when he talks to people like the X-Men or Avengers. It also applies to his convictions, cause good luck getting him to budge once he's made a decision.

6. 3 big ones. Not stopping the Avengers from putting the Phoenix into Illyana, Piotr and Emma (he doesn't care enough about Summers or Namor to worry about them.) The other one is not being in Sydney when Australia's Sentinel program killed his mother accidentally. Notably he couldn't actually stop any of this from happening, but he still regrets it. Finally, he regrets leaving his job at Avengers Academy, since the events of Avengers Arena led to the deaths of a bunch of his students. (No wonder he's so protective.)

7. Honestly? It's easier LMAO. Not having to think as hard about the timeline of everything means that I can focus more on character work, which is really my area of expertise. And it's not like I can't mess with canon (the timeline I write in splits off after the 2023 Hellfire Gala) since comic canon is already so bullshit.

8. Uhhhhhhhhhh. I actually don't know? He's kinda crafted to fit well with her so much now that I have a hard time considering it. Maybe Emma? That could be a similar and cute relationship. Same thing with like, Lorna. Maybe there's a cursed timeline where he ends up with Boom-Boom. IDK, Atticus is drawn to people with Issues (and blondes), so that's probably your best bet.

9. Woah, big morality question. The boring answer is yes because I say so. But I think removing myself from that position as his creator, I do think he's a good dude. He definitely has his issues, but ultimately he just wants the best for himself and the people he cares about. If anything dying and coming back fused to a living garden has probably made him even nicer.

10. There's def an alternate universe where he's swayed to Magento's Brotherhood for a while, and I've looked at Beast's descent into villainy as a fun What If? thing. It would have to be if Illyana had died, or he let his more controlling elements take over.

11. Plants or making him a Telepath (of the unwanted voices variety). Honestly every time I write Atti's powers in action it gives me a headache, even though I think they're legitimately cool.

12. Uhhhhhh, some amount. As he developed he's actually gotten pretty far away, but it'd be silly to say nothing about Atti is similar to me. I'm Australian, and am currently in Uni for teaching, so there's the ones that 100% still apply at least. I wish I was as much a bear as Atticus is tho, I'm a little chubby, not quite as cuddly as he is (or hairy.).

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Steph's Crew: Plot Outline (for the sequels)

I'm finally posting this now! If I miss anything, I'll just do a part 2.

Also, I know it says sequelS (plural) but I think I'll focus more on book 2 than book 3 (considering the fact that I've done more of 2 than 3 lol).

Enjoy!!

___

"Unreported Violent Crimes" is the name of book 2 (fun fact - I was contemplating titling this whole series "Violent Crimes" as a reference to the Kanye song lol. It's one of my sister's favourites).

It opens in November 2011. So a little over a year into the future (as book 1 ends in August 2010). A lot has changed since we last saw these characters - they've been in the real world outside of school for some time now, and they've grown up a lot. But they're still the same old people we know and love. They're still friends and they keep in touch in spite of mostly going their separate ways (Elise and Dylan are both in university, Alice is doing a degree apprenticeship, and Bret is working. Pretty sure he got one of the jobs he applied for in book 1).

None of them have seen or heard from Stephanie in all that time.

I'll quickly fill you in on the ships before we go into the plot (since people seem generally more interested in that stuff lol).

Stephanie and Ben are still living together, and their dynamic is more or less the same as it was in book 1 to begin with. The main thing that's different between them now is the fact that they are now married (they eloped at some point between books 1 and 2). They're also not at the same place they were in book 1 - they're now in a much nicer house. And they both have jobs they like a lot. Ben's a chef at a hotel, and Steph, I believe, is a receptionist at a law firm or something like that. So their relationship seems perfectly ok on the surface. But things go wrong for them in book 2, so that's not good (their relationship suffers a lot due to a lot of secrets, lies and infidelity).

Bret and Elise break up at the start of the story, although it's not exactly for the reason you may think. (El found out about Bret's kiss with Stephanie, but not through him exactly. It's kind of hard to explain in a concise way… let me try. You know how Dylan and Bret ended up getting into a fight at the bar? Well, it got quite vicious, and it ended with Bret having to be hospitalised for a head injury. This lead to him kind of forgetting that he and Steph kissed… or, he thought it was a dream or something, so he ended up not telling anyone about it. However, some school friends who were also at the bar at the time were taking lots of pictures and videos of their time there, and they decided to post some online, and Bret and Stephanie were hanging out in the background. They were caught doing their thing... and Elise found out that way. She kept it to herself for a while before eventually telling B that she knew) Alright, so it's partly the reason you may think, but they'd also been dealing with problems in their relationship for a while, and eventually, El couldn't take it anymore and decided to end things. On her surprise 20th birthday party that he organised. They're both devastated, and this leads to one of my favourite parts to write in this sequel - seeing the different ways they both deal with the break up. It's fun lol. But also really sad… and it also introduces some of the other alternative ships/partners for both characters (Stephanie and Charles).

Dylan and Alice still aren't together lol. But Dylan has found someone new! A really cool new girl named Aisha Brown. He wasn't prepared to wait around forever for Ally, I guess. But anyway, he's happy with his new girlfriend and Alice struggles to deal with this. In the meantime, there's this other guy she works with (Joe Sanchez! You'll love his scenes, they're so fun) who appears to be interested in her (and everyone ships them there lol), but she's just focused on Dylan and how he moved on so quickly.

Ok, now that we've set up the relationship dynamics here, let's get into the plot.

The main plot kicks off with the news of a tragic local death. Nobody knows how it happened, it's a huge mystery. Investigations were taking place, but they didn't seem to go anywhere. Stephanie hears about it, and she immediately believes she knows who did it. So she eventually decides to do her own investigation and get to the bottom of this herself. And as she reconnects with her old friends, they kind of get into the mix as well. We also get into the family lives of the crew even more (we meet Alice's cousins and Ben's family. Btw Ben becomes an important character here lol. We actually hear things from his point of view and he is present for most of it this time around)

There are multiple side plots as well…

El's friend Connor returns, and he falls in love with his lecturer, Daisy Sommer. This was just a funny background thing lol. He's the only person Elise knew when she got into Cambridge, so they naturally ended up spending most of their time together there before they started making other friends. So his subplot mostly consists of him and El hanging out and him only wanting to talk about how cool and smart Daisy is, and how much he loves her lessons, and how good of a teacher she is, and how he could listen to her talk all day, and how "She's single, I'm single. We're both adults. Apart from her getting in trouble and maybe losing her job, what's the problem?!" (Pretty sure that's an actual line of his lol) It's supposed to be some funny side character shenanigans, not meant to be taken 100% seriously.

Rachel and Gordon decide to give their relationship another try, and it doesn't go too well. However, Rachel does find out why Gordon hurt her so much when they were married, and why he eventually left her. So she got some closure, I suppose. After the breakup, she decides to put herself first and do all the things she wanted to do (like start her own business, have a family, etc) on her own. This is where the adoption storyline comes from.

There's this news/commentary blog that's increasing in popularity, called "The Looking Glass." Steph and the others have been following it for some time, and it is known for it's unique and insightful takes on trending topics. However, Stephanie starts getting suspicious on it when she starts noticing that a lot of her findings and developments from her secret investigation are included in some of the posts related to the mysterious death (like, she's seeing a lot of parallels with her investigation and her life in this blog, and it freaks her out a lot). It's around this time that she's started experiencing break ins and weird situations (scary/strange messages, her car getting keyed, etc) which leads her to believe that she is being stalked. That's another ongoing mystery in the book - who's stalking Steph? Who's the writer of the blog? (mild spoiler/hint: It's someone we know)

Stephanie and Ben start having problems in their relationship. Ben is beginning to realise that he doesn't know his girl as well as he thought he did, and he doesn't know how to deal with that. In the meantime, Steph is sleeping with Bret (a mutual friend of theirs!!!), who is still hung up on Elise, his own ex, and is struggling to find ways to cope. This plotline was hard to write… it's a weird balancing act, trying to make all these characters sympathetic to a degree. Although, it does lead to some funny moments (seeing how some of the others react when they find out about it). When Ben eventually does find out, he is understandably shocked and outraged, and he decides to leave. So they no longer live together at this point. This isn't where he and Steph actually break up, though. That's not till much later on.

Elise struggles with breaking up with Bret (understandable, since he was her first love and everything). The both of them find it hard to move on completely from each other, and they spend the majority of the story in this weird place of being broken up, but not completely being able to let the other person go... and this situation begins to change when El starts getting closer with someone in her university course that she never really got along well with previously (Charlie O'Brien!) after being forced to work on a project with him. She ends up confiding in him with a lot of things and grows to trust him a lot. He ends up helping the crew out a lot with the investigation due to his connections. Bret notices this, which further pushes his downward spiral, since he doesn't know how to deal with potentially losing El for good.

El eventually finds out about Bret and Steph (she's one of the last people to find out about it, I think), but she appears to mainly be angry about Stephanie cheating on her husband more than anything else (like her ex hooking up with another girl almost immediately after she broke things off with him. Which kind of surprises everyone lol. But it show that she's healing somewhat from the breakup with Bret, and is starting to move on, which contrasts with how Bret's handling it). This is where the once close bond between Steph and El starts to get strained... and it only gets worse from here.

Alice's sister Mary tragically dies (I'm not going to say how, it's a huge spoiler lol). The Johnson family struggle a lot with this… Alice especially. Dylan tries his best to support her through this tough time, and the fact that he's spending so much time with Alice starts to put strain on his relationship with Aisha. Eventually, the two break up.

The Summer Formal is a big part. Let's talk about it now:

There's a summer formal coming up in Dylan's university, and he's invited all his friends.

Alice asks Dylan, and he says yes (and this is where things start looking up for Dalice haha).

Elise asks Charlie (because she admitted to Alice that she wanted to go with Bret, but she didn't believe he still wants her after his past involvement with Stephanie right after her breakup with him. Alice advised her to ask Charlie in order to make Bret jealous. And it works very well lol).

Bret thinks about asking Stephanie to get back at El (at this point, Ben is still not around), but he ends up agreeing to the formal with Angel (Charlie's cousin in first year, who couldn't find a date). This doesn't really affect El in any way, but it does make Charlie mad lol (for reasons that I won't go into right now, cuz it'll take forever). However, he eventually gets over this and he and Bret join forces (because at this point, Charlie is beginning to fall for El, and he initially was excited to be going on a real date with her. But he can also tell that she and Bret aren't over each other, and that she'd probably much rather go to the formal with him. He hatches a plan that ensures that Elise can have a night of fun with the guy she truly wants, and he can keep an eye on his cousin and make sure she doesn't get into trouble).

On the night of the formal, Elise expects to be picked up by Charlie, but instead opens the door to be greeted by Bret. He tells her that he and Charlie agreed to "swap" dates (so, Bret is now Elise's date, and Charlie is going with Angel). Elise is initially confused and annoyed by this (asking why the girls didn't get a say on the matter), and Bret suggests swapping back, but Elise dismisses the suggestion and takes his hand, saying she'd be happy to go with him. Bret humorously remarks that she has a weird way of showing it, but he's happy to be going with her, too. (Things are beginning to look up for Brelise at this point, too!)

And I think I'll leave it there for now. Making a part 2 to this, because this story is far from over...

[bettsfic]

I'm really enjoying your craft essay commentary! I have to read more in 2023, too. If you have anything in mind, it would be cool if you posted the list so we could take a look and join you! (Or if anyone has recs?)

i honestly wish i was one of those people who could make a reading list and make my way through it, but since reading is my job, when i read for fun it has to be either 1) entertaining, and/or 2) enriching, and it's surprisingly rare how few books there are that seem to fit into either category. which has nothing to do with the books and everything to do with my weird personal tastes.

but! here's what i'm hoping to make my way through in the coming weeks.

novels/memoirs

return of the king (re-read) and maybe some other tolkien stuff (i went on a used book store spree recently)

in the dream house by carmen maria machado (a christmas gift from @significationary!)

furnace creek by joseph allen boone (just preordered it in paperback)

the last 3 books of the neapolitan quartet by elena ferrante (i already read my brilliant friend)

the last samurai by helen dewitt

the color of sin and father of lies by janet inglis (these were very hard to get my hands on; i don't think they're in print anymore)

the locked tomb series? at least, another attempt will be made. the first time i tried gideon the ninth, it uh. didn't seem like my thing. but enough people have rec'd it that i'll try hard to stick with it.

maybe i'll finally read mdzs

i'd also love to pick up some classics that i'd intended to read for my comps, or maybe take a crack at smiley's list of 100 novels

nonfiction

authoring autism (this is going to take me a while, because it's a little over my head and also a very emotional read for me)

both tin house writer's notebooks

13 ways of looking at the novel by smiley

anatomy of criticism by frye (i think)

mystery and manners by o'connor

my narratology and rhetoric books (there are 2 narratology books that are based entirely on foucault so i'm gonna have to read him too probably)

and i have a bunch of other craft books on my shelf, plus a lengthy craft book purchase list, which i'm not letting myself touch until i've made a dent in what i already have

what i would love more than anything is to find a book or fic i can't put down, that i read until five in the morning and then pick up again as soon as i wake up (entertainment). or i'd like to find a book that's maybe not super interesting on a conflict level but which is so beautifully or weirdly written that it either teaches me something new about writing, or does one thing so remarkably well i might want to teach it in a class one day (enrichment).

last year, the best thing i read was a 700k fic that's not even on ao3 anymore, that was both entertaining (so sickeningly dark, with such high stakes) and enriching (i learned a goddamn ton about scene-level pacing and honestly just what it means to stare the present moment in the eye? i still can't even articulate exactly how masterful it was on a scene level). i also read when meat loves salt by maria mccann, which should have been a slam dunk for me (gorgeously written, historically accurate, extremely fucky gay relationship), and i did really like it but i read it in fits and starts throughout the year because it couldn't seem to keep my attention for long.

i thought the problem was that i was poorly medicated so i couldn't focus on anything. but now i can focus on stuff and i'm still putting down most of the books i pick up out of sheer disinterest. so i'm hoping this year i can kind of target that problem and figure out what my deal is, or find a way to reliably find books i know i'll like.

i always appreciate recs of the "this is the most exceptional thing i've ever laid eyes on" variety, so if anyone's got any of those, i'd love to hear them.

[miqolena]

6.4 Tataru's Grand Endeavor Thoughts

I'm not usually the type to share my thoughts on media so soon after consuming it because how I feel is usually just that - feelings, not thoughts - but I feel compelled to share how I felt for anyone who's curious. So I figured I'd think about it some and post what I decided here - posting on twitter before the embargo drops means jumping through annoying spoiler hoops like rot13 etc. Anyway here we go.

I'm not the kind of person who takes screenshots while I go through content for the first time. I find it distracting and cumbersome to look out for Photo Moments and capture them when my character isn't blinking or something. I'd rather focus entirely on what's going on. So I don't have many pictures to go with this, sorry!

I thought the premise of the conflict was neat enough. Like, someone stealing a giant mech? Oh boy, I wonder what's going to be the deal there. But I didn't like the Valens lookalike thing. It felt really... cheap. Like you bought a nice dress at the store but you need to buy one more thing to get a discount so you pick out something ratty and inexpensive but fine, and now you have them both, for better or worse. I was really hoping when Gaius struck him down that he had passed unilateral judgment upon him and killed him outright for the trouble. But New Gaius wouldn't do something like that, of course.

I enjoyed his characterization still. The writers didn't have him depart from his severe and even nature, his frank way of speaking. I was terrified that they would throw a curve ball at me that screamed "You've been doing it wrong for half a million words!!" but that didn't happen. I don't know why I worried. (I do know why. It's because I worry about everything.)

The painting was nice. Like a few other bits, I'll have to make adjustments to fit my canon when I write this in, since in my work Allie carries the memory core in a hip satchel made by Cid at nearly all times, which means it couldn't have been used by surprise to create the projection. I could take this opportunity to let her detach herself from it a little, though. Much to decide.

Gaius' (badly paraphrased) "words are hard sometimes, thanks a bunch" remark near the end really warmed my heart.

Overall it was okay. I didn't come out of it sobbing or overjoyed or anything but I did come out of it relieved that nothing overtly bad happened. Relief colors the whole experience; I anticipated the patch as one anticipates a blow to the body, not knowing where the strike would land. And I left 6.4 Tataru's Grand Endeavor feeling as though nothing had hit me after all.

I'm looking forward to trying to twist the story to maybe be something better than what it was, especially with my canon of tensions between Garlean refugees, Ala Mhigan Resistance soldiers, and Werlyt troops. Maybe the one who steals the mech won't be a Valens lookalike at all... maybe the nature of the theft will be dramatically different. We'll see.

As our supreme director says, please look forward to it.

PS: Gaius has a new idle after the quest is over where he is engrossed in a book, one leg folded over the other. It's adorable. Thank you for this food, devs.

[austenpoppy]

Nightfall: at dusk - Prologue: Night monsters

Ao3 link: Nightfall : at dusk - Chapter 1 - Austenpoppy - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]

Fanfiction.net link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14301937/1/Nightfall-At-Dusk

Summary:

2001. Ron and Harry are working hard at the Auror Academy to become full-fledged Aurors, while Hermione is trying to find her place in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and Ginny is training with the Holyhead Harpies. Everybody is trying to overcome what happened in the war to focus on building a better future, and life seems easier than it has ever been. However, darkness is looming on the horizon as Muggleborn and Half-Blood wizards and witches disappear before being found out weeks later, their dead bodies having been experimented upon. Meanwhile, Ron has more and more trouble dealing with the aftermath of what happened with the locket...

I can't believe I'm actually starting to post this. This is going to be the first fanfiction I publish, but it is a gigantic project that I have started years ago, when I was barely out of high school - and it's very close to my heart. It all began in a rather boring geography class in 2017 (I'm sorry, Mr. D, I can't say I care about mussel culture in Thailand) where I had let my imagination wander, doing one of my favourite hobbies: inventing stories with one of my favourite characters of all time (in case that was not clear, I'm talking about Ron). I was thinking about one scene from one of my favourite childhood movies (the fantastic "Azur and Asmar" by Michel Ocelot) and I was replacing the characters from the animation film with Harry and Ron, imagining how they could have ended up in that situation and what could happen after.

The entire universe of Nightfall was born from this one scene alone.

If you start this journey with me, my fellow Internet friend, this is going to be a long, very long ride. The story is so huge I divided it into three parts, each of which have their own "arcs" so to speak. The good thing is that I know exactly where I'm going, and I can assure you that considering there are already six years of work put into this project I am not likely to ever abandon it. You should rather feel sorry for my dear friend and beta Vivithefolle who not only had to hear me talk about this project for years, but also had to read some chapters in complete disorder, with some notes from me to explain the context or background information. Thank you so much, Vivi, you motivated me to write at a time you were my only reader and I had this crazy idea I would write all the chapters before publishing them (no this did not work out, but no one can accuse me of being impatient... six freaking years of work...).

However I want to be clear and honest to my potential readers: this is not going to be a happy-go-lucky story by any stretch of the imagination. I am going to write about mature and sometimes very dark subjects, even though if you know me, you may have guessed I rather like humour and am not really fond of cynical and hopeless works. I, however, am a sadist, as you will have the displeasure to discover once you see how I treat Ron (I'm joking, I'm joking...or am I ?). I don't want to say too much, but let's just say people who came here for a feel-good story without any angst will be thoroughly disappointed.

As a side note, I consider this work to be canon-compliant, given that I only consider the seven original books as canon and take what J. K. Rowling wrote on Pottermore with a grain of salt; but "Nightfall" is not my headcanon of what happened after the war either. Consider it more like an evil twin of my actual headcanon.

Now let me introduce you to the world of "Nightfall", or the story that has been living rent free in my head nearly everyday for the past few years. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it, and I'm proud and extremely touched to present you with my first published fanfiction (I also feel very self-conscious, but I guess that was to be expected).

Disclaimer: All characters and events depicted in the original book series belong to J.K. Rowling. Most unfortunately.

Trigger warnings for this chapter: graphic depictions of violence, disturbing imagery

(See the end of the work for more notes).

Prologue : Night monsters

Sunday 7th January, 2001 - 2 am.

It was a very cold night. Thaddeus gripped the pants of his cloak tighter against himself, trying to warm himself up as best as he could. As he exhaled loudly, his breath came out in a silvery steam before disappearing. His lips were chapped, and he could feel the cracks on them that would probably end up bleeding.

He found himself thinking wistfully of the warm bed in which his wife was waiting for him at home. Images of himself with his head going deep into his soft pillow, pulling back his fluffy blankets over his body, and kissing Magdalene goodnight before going to sleep with a contented smile on his face flooded his mind. He fidgeted, feeling irritation slowly rising inside him. How long would he have to wait?

Magdalene was certainly trying to fight off sleep until he came back, though she was most likely too groggy to last long – Calder, who had turned three in November, was in his oppositional phase and was exhausting them both. Thaddeus had been in the Auror Task Force for more than twenty years, and Magdalene had been his wife for well over fifteen years now, but she still worried almost as much as she did back when they started dating.

She worried even more those days considering what had been happening lately. Eight wizards and witches had vanished in the last month and a half in mysterious circumstances;  two of them had ended up dead, their corpses dropped in random places all over the United Kingdom. And to top it off, all of the missing people had either been Muggleborn or Half-Blood, something that the media had been quick to point out.

Of course, worried whispers had emerged ever since Fidvi Khokhar, the second victim, had disappeared, and those whispers had grown louder and louder every time another person had gone missing. A collective shiver had taken over the wizarding community, that was paralyzed with fear at the idea that somehow, You-Know-Who had managed to come back from the dead yet again.

About two weeks earlier, when Conri Hartnett's body had been found five hundred miles away from the place he had last been seen, stupor had seized Aurors and civils alike. Of course, everyone had felt very sorry for his family, though nobody had ever doubted that the former Unspeakable had been killed - there was even a strange relief that had gone hand in hand with the discovery of the corpse, since victims of Death Eater who had disappeared were very rarely found.

Yet, despite this small relief, horror and fright had quickly made their way into everybody's hearts at the knowledge that Hartnett's body had been experimented upon. Thaddeus had not seen the body himself, and photographs of the corpse had been forbidden despite outcries from scoops-hungry journalists, but he had heard other Aurors shiver while recounting the tale in the common room.

The picture those Aurors had painted was the kind that you only saw in the most terrible nightmares. Hartnett's fingers, hands, arms, legs and foot had apparently disappeared, replaced instead with translucid tentacles reminiscent of a jellyfish. Meanwhile, his head had taken up a more cubic-shaped form, while his hair had completely fallen off. Furthermore, the rest of his body had been covered with a bad rash. The Aurors who were at the crime scene had said you could barely make out the place the human body ended and the jellyfish started, as if the two were one and the same.

Really Thaddeus couldn't imagine much more terrible fate. The Auror department had not even allowed Hartnett's family to see the body, let alone get it back for a proper funeral. As of now the scientific team was still trying to figure out what had happened to Hartnett exactly. So far the only things they were sure about were that the kind of jellyfish Hartnett had been merged with was a species of the family Oceaniidae, and that dark magic had been involved in the twisted process of Transfiguration.

Two days after Hartnett, another body had been found in Cardiff. This one, too, had been awfully disfigured. After a bit of investigation, it had turned out to be Donovan Kovalenko, a British Ukrainian citizen who had worked as a secretary in the Ukrainian embassy until his disappearance, and the last person to have disappeared.

Unlike Bartnett, he had not been blended with a jellyfish, but with a bowhead whale. His face had been completely unrecognizable, and it was only because of a very specific birthmark that the scientific team had been able to identify the body.

Just like with Bartnett, Kovalenko's transfigured corpse had been found very far away from the place he had last been seen, since the Ukrainian embassy was based in London. What was more, he had also been found in a completely different region than Bartnett, whose body had been discovered in a little town in Scotland, Tobermory.

All in all, Thaddeus thought with a shudder, there was something really dark going on, but no one could tell whether this was the work of a serial killer, of Pureblood fanatics, of a human trafficking ring, or something else entirely.

Thaddeus didn't think Magdalene had any reason to fret today, though. If the situation he'd been required to deal with had been dangerous, he wouldn't be hanging around waiting for the Hit wizard on duty to come and let him know what was going on. It was probably some kind of drunk wizard who'd destroyed public property thinking Trolls were attacking him. Two months ago he'd arrested a man who had been bothering a neighbourhood in London, believing himself to be Celestina Warbeck. The fella had sung all night with a croaky falsetto voice that seemed immune to the most powerful Silencios.

Merlin, he hated being the reserve Auror at night, but he needed the extra money.

Just as his mind was going to go down a rather dark route he was nonetheless accustomed to, he noticed a familiar figure coming right toward him, looking grim. He couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Harvey?" he asked as they showed each other their Auror badges and checked each other's identity. "What're you doing here?"

"Nasty business, Thaddeus", Harvey replied sombrely, shaking his head, while Thaddeus followed him. "A young witch who was on her way home after a party stumbled upon the body of Lucinda Backstreet. Lynn's team is already on the crime scene."

Immediately, Thaddeus felt his shoulders slump, and his heart constricted. It was going to be a long night. Magdalene's eyes would give up the fight against sleep well before he would be able to go home, and the first thing he would do when he did go back to his house wouldn't be to kiss his children or wife but take a huge glass of Firewhisky.

Lucinda Backstreet was one of the eight people who had disappeared in the last weeks. A young girl from Bristol, enthusiastic and passionate about the protection of magical animals. One day she had left her home to go to the weekly meeting of her club dedicated to the defense of the rights of magical creatures, and then nobody had ever seen her again. Her disappearance had really caused a stir nationwide. Not only was she the youngest victim, but her father, Cyneric Backstreet, was a well-known businessman who had made a fortune selling transportable strongboxes that were charmed to repel most common spells.

Walking toward her corpse reminded Thaddeus as to why some days he thought that he should find another job.

Neither Harvey nor he were speaking, and the only sounds that could be heard were that of their boots on gravel. After a few minutes spent in silence, they finally approached the crime scene. Thaddeus noticed that a few members of the scientific team were already there, looking for evidence and preparing the body for transport, including the Team Leader of the scientific team herself, Auror Lynn Oliver. Thaddeus gave a nod in her direction, which she answered grimly.

Thaddeus looked around for familiar faces, and he saw Monica and Griffiths acknowledge his presence with a small wave, though they quickly got back to what they were doing, both of their faces incredibly serious.

When Thaddeus finally laid eyes on Lucinda's body, he felt himself repress a gag and he had to quickly avert his eyes. The young girl was spread out on the pavement, her face turned toward the starry night. Her expression would give Thaddeus nightmares for months. Her mouth was contorted in pain, her cheeks were tear-stained, and her glassy eyes were wide open in terror, telling a story of terrible suffering.

Though her face and chest had remained human, her stretched-out arms had been turned into something else, just like the previous victims. This time, as far as Thaddeus could tell, the monsters responsible for the murders had tried to turn Lucinda into some sort of part-Phoenix creature. While the shape of her arms was visible, they had been saddled with very big wings, covered in those unmistakable red feathers typical of Phoenixes. Some of them had seemingly burnt, as they had turned black and were emitting a dark smoke that Thaddeus instinctively backed away from.

Lucinda's hands were still present, but her fingers had elongated, and were contracted, as if she had had a seizure. Her legs, too, had been partially Transfigured. Thaddeus could see feathers coming out from under her pants, that had clearly been buttoned up hastily, and her feet had been turned into sharp talons, onto which no shoe could be put, though her shoes had still been put beside her body.

"I can't believe I'll have to be the one who'll tell Cyneric Backstreet that his daughter is dead, and that her death was clearly not a quick, painless one", sighed Harvey next to Thaddeus.

"Is that why you arrived at the crime scene before me?" Thaddeus asked, his voice laced with sympathy as he looked up at Harvey. "The emergency code for the missing persons' case?"

"Yeah, I was the one from my squad on duty tonight", Harvey replied, his breath turning into vapor as he exhaled. "The witness fortunately remembered it, and I received the signal thirty minutes ago. Right now Gallaway is taking her deposition."

Harvey jutted his chin toward a young woman, who couldn't be older than twenty-five and was in a clear state of great agitation. She was standing a few feet away from the crime scene, and was talking to a black-haired Auror in uniform that Thaddeus had only met a few times.

Thaddeus crouched down to look at Lucinda. He could not imagine the horrors she must have been through, and he shuddered as he thought of her father, who had openly wept in the Aurors' Office when he had been told there were few chances that Lucinda was alive after the first two bodies had been found.

As a father himself, Thaddeus could barely bear to think about that happening to his own children. Lucinda's face was so youthful that it was just plain wrong to imagine her doing anything other than laughing with her friends, complaining that she had too much homework, or giving animated speeches about endangered species.

Feeling dejected, Thaddeus turned his face toward Harvey and declared quietly: "Poor girl. She wasn't even seventeen."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was stuck on a chair in the tent and felt dirty. He looked down at his hands. He had been so sure he had cleaned them several times before, yet they looked filthy, dusty - all those adjectives finishing with a - y that applied to him because he was such a terrible person.

"Nothing will ever wipe your hands off your betrayal. It's too late. But has there been a time when you were at their level? Has there ever been a time when you were worth their brightness? No, and you know it. You're a dark creature, Ron Weasley, with even darker and hideous thoughts. I have seen your heart, and it is black. You have tried to keep your jealousy and your mediocrity hidden, you have tried to ignore the calls of your inner nature, but hear me out - you have failed."

"Do you see them? They are outside, in the sun, in the light. They shine very brightly, don't they, Ron? Their skins glow, their eyes sparkle, their smiles warm up everything around them. Do you see how much happier the world seems to be with them in it? Birds sing again, flowers are blooming, and Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are the stars the sky was waiting for."

“You are in the dark, and you will remain in the dark. You are seated in dust because you are nothing more than dust yourself. Actually, to be perfectly honest, your surroundings were welcoming and comfortable until you showed up and sat down in this chair. Crazy how you spoil everything around you. See, here, the tissue the tent is made of is quickly falling into pieces. Your mere presence is enough to destroy what is around you... Unless the objects you are surrounded by somehow feel how evil you are, and they'd rather turn to dust than stay with you any longer. Choose which hypothesis you prefer."

"Aaaah, they're coming your way. I will never understand why they decided to keep you with them, despite your darkness. But I will never understand real kindness either, so I will drop the subject. It was your redemption, Ronald. They were your redemption. You could have atoned for your sins. You could have let them crush you so they would climb higher and finally reach the sky where they belong. You could have done something useful for a change. Yet you spoiled your only opportunity. You spoiled everything, as usual."

"Now you're not even worthy enough to be a footboard for them to climb. You are just dust on their shoes. Dust, dust, dust. They will be so happy to wipe this dirt off their shoes. Even coming near you dampens their spirits. Their smiles are less warm, their eyes are less bright, their skins a lot paler. So are you going to spoil them, Ronald, like you did with the tent, or will they finally beat you and turn you into dust? Given how furious they look, I bet it's the latter."

He felt cold. Harry and Hermione were looking at him with a freezing glare and a scornful snarl at their lips. He shivered. And swallowed. He knew he had fucked everything up. He knew he deserved their anger and more. He just didn't want them to be upset over this, over him and his stupidity. And if he was honest with himself, it was also terrifying to be on the receiving end of their hatred.

"Listen", he choked, "I-I can't say how sorry I am, because no word will ever be enough. I am also...I am also so happy that you accepted to take me back to help you. I promise I won't be a bother. Don't mind me. I'll just do what you need me to do and disappear from your lives forever after if-if that's what you want. Please don't throw me out !"

But Harry and Hermione were not listening to him. Their freezing glare had turned into a flaming and scalding hot look and they were burning him. He was very hot. He was sweating. He felt drops falling on his face. The locket was weighing on his chest. It was so heavy. It hurt. He felt like he was melting.

He looked down at his hands again. He was actually melting. The skin of his fingers was going brown and was softening; small drops began to fall on the floor of the tent. Ploc, Ploc. They were forming a puddle and it looked like mud. In fact, he was sure it was mud. He wanted to yell, but he couldn't. His face was already melting, joining the puddle on the floor.

Ron woke up with a start and sat up, gasping for air. It had been a nightmare. Just a fucking nightmare. He ran a hand across his face, shivering from head to toe, and felt wetness on his cheeks. Fuck it, he had once again been crying in his sleep. It was the fourth time in seven days. Even as a child Ron hadn't been that much of a wuss, even though George liked to remind him that he'd kept taking refuge into one of his brothers' beds (or Ginny's) whenever he was scared, and that until he was eight.

It wouldn't matter as much if he had been crying for anything else. Not that he preferred the other nightmares, mind you, but he just felt pathetic for turning into a sobbing mess all because he'd been too weak to resist an effing necklace. Harry was particularly affected by Dementors. Nothing less than Bellatrix Lestrange could make Hermione truly terrified. Ginny, who had been possessed by a diary, didn't flinch at the mere presence of a book.

But him ? Ron could already imagine George making grand gestures wherever he went: "Alas, my dear Sirs, gentlemen, thou shall make place for the delicate Ronniekins in his worn-out PJs, for he fainted when the dreaded locket came into his dainty view. Please bring the smelling salts while we're fanning his pasty white and freckled face and he's letting out little whines of distress. He's the king of wimps, thou see, and he can't bear the sight of lockets, less he be crying like a famished baby !"

Yeah. George'd be the kind of asshole who'd offer him a pacifier if he knew what kind of nightmares was making Ron cry in his sleep.

Ron looked down at his hands, the real ones this time. Goddammit, they were still shaking. Bloody frickity freakering fuck, he thought as he closed his eyes in frustration, why did he have no control over his own body? Why did he have to act like he was a ninety-something-old buffer who needed help to take a piss?

Why did he have to ask himself stupid questions that nobody would answer?

Even though the bedroom was completely silent at this hour of the night, Ron could still hear his heart thumping madly in his ears, and despite himself he couldn't help but feel like the locket was still whistling behind him, making his skin crawl. Sweat was running down his back and had already soaked his armpits, and yet for some reason he was cold, goosebumps erupting all over his flesh.

And he still had this impression of someone hissing near him, and the room was closing on him, and his pyjama top was glued to his skin, and he didn't like the way the sheets were trapping his legs, preventing him from moving... Unable to bear the situation any longer and feeling like he was suffocating, Ron yanked the sheets off his part of the bed and got up quickly, before pulling his sticky pyjama top over his head and throwing it on the ground.

He took his wand and started walking toward the door, though he couldn't help himself and stopped to throw a glance at Hermione once he was in the doorframe. She was sleeping peacefully, her wild brown curls framing her head like some kind of fairy tale princess. The moonlight was lighting up her beautiful face, and she had a contented smile that almost made him want to go back to bed to kiss it.

Leaving the bedroom, Ron crossed the corridor and went into the small kitchen of the flat, and immediately put water into the kettle to make himself tea. He cast a heating charm on the kettle, took his favourite mug, and put a teabag in it. Waiting for the water to boil, he put his outstretched arms on the counter and sighed, his head lowered toward the sink.

It was the third time in a week that he'd had a nightmare about the locket. It wasn't surprising per say, because it was January and it was always around this time of the year that Ron had the most vivid nightmares in regard to the locket, but it still sucked. Especially because it'd been three years already, and some part of Ron had - foolishly - hoped that the nightmares and his locket-related terror would have subsided by now.

But nope, he mused as he stared at the happy light brown dog on the mug running around and chasing a butterfly. He still had dreams in which he could feel the heavy weight of the locket on his chest, preventing him from breathing. In which he was trapped in an endless stream of dark thoughts echoed by the locket's whispers, reminding him of all the times he had felt worthless. In which he kept leaving the tent as Harry's scornful stares and Hermione's cries followed him even after he woke up.

At the same time, he knew the nightmares were the last thing he deserved for ever having walked out on Harry and Hermione. He'd never been good enough for them in the first place, but deserting them when they needed him most was irredeemable, something that the locket, whether it be through his nightmares or flashes, kept reminding him of.

At this moment a whistling sound made Ron's heart do a somersault before he realized that it was only the kettle boiling. He poured the hot water into his mug, added two and a half sugar cubes to his drink, steeped the teabags in the water, and as he adopted the same waiting position as before his thoughts went back to the place he had among his two best friends.

He was thankful Harry and Hermione still wanted him in their lives, and somehow he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, when they'd wake up and realize he'd been nothing but a cock-up all this time. Truth be told, part of Ron had to pinch himself every morning when he was reminded that Hermione wanted to be with him, of all people, and that he got to be an Auror Trainee with Harry, who still thought Ron had his back.

So he'd keep trying to enjoy every moment while it lasted. It was not always easy, because every little thing seemed to remind him of a memory in which he'd fucked up or that showed how insignificant he was. Yet Ron had learned to cast the memories aside in order to focus on more important things, like his family, Harry, Hermione, his other friends, or his studies. The hardest part in all this was to not let his useless feelings get in the way of things.

Ron could say with some pride that he'd grown way better at dismissing his gross feelings of jealousy and insecurity compared to when he was a teenager. Sure, sometimes he slipped up because he was still a moron, he pondered as he turned a spoon inside his mug. But all in all, so far he had managed to keep his selfish desires in check - mostly.

He kept making efforts to show others, and more particularly Harry and Hermione, that he had changed. For that he needed to make sure they didn't notice he still had the same old feelings, or at least he needed to let them know that those feelings would never be a burden to them again. Of course sometimes they couldn't help but notice a few things, like this time Ron had casually let slip that he thought Hermione often favoured Harry over him and it had ended up in a huge row with Hermione as she yelled he was just being a possessive jealous sod trying to stifle her. Or this time he had jokingly told Harry he was Mum's favourite and Harry, disturbed, had replied that however important Mrs. Weasley was in his life, she was not his mother. Harry had been weird for days after that, all because of Ron, his stupid mouth and his stupid brain.

That was the reason why he made sure no one knew the extent of the mess he had in his head. While he had never been a great liar, he tried not to be too specific if someone asked him what was wrong, he tried to take their attention away from whatever face he was making, he tried to dismiss his reactions whenever they were related to this pathetic sticky, stinky magma of insecurity inside him.

And it was somewhat working, but for how long would it last?

Right as his mood was turning as bitter as the tea he had brewed, considering he had let the teabag steep for more than ten minutes, he heard footsteps coming in his direction. He didn't bother to take his wand or even turn around. Ron would recognize Hermione's light but determined steps anywhere.

She entered the kitchen and stopped in the hallway for a few seconds, before walking toward him and enveloping him from behind. Even though she had wrapped a warm nightgown around her, her hands were still cold on his chest. Yet he didn't mind. The contact of her skin on his, the touch of her curls and cheek on his back made everything better, and despite himself he closed his eyes for a brief instant, savouring the moment.

"A nightmare again ?" she asked in a low voice.

"Yeah..." Ron admitted with a sigh. "I didn't want to wake you up, but I needed to get up."

"It's okay", Hermione replied in a reassuring tone. "But I'm starting to get worried. You've had many nightmares in the last three weeks and haven't been able to sleep properly even though you have exams coming up. Perhaps you should see a healer to get a Sleeping potion ?" she added anxiously.

"Not until I really have to", he retorted firmly. "We've already had far too many problems with Sleeping potions, I don't want to risk it. Besides, I'd have to tell the Auror Academy's specialist Healer about it and I'd like to avoid it if I can."

"I know", Hermione sighed. "I'm just worried about you. You always seem to get so stressed out before your exams at the Auror Academy, even worse than I've ever been at Hogwarts. I wished you would stop doubting yourself so much."

Ron did not reply, but he squeezed Hermione's hands that were still clasped on his chest, right next to his heart. It was strange how the people around him seemed to know him so well while at the same time not knowing anything about the exact reasons that were making him upset.

"What can I say ?" He finally acknowledged after a few moments of silence, though he hoped his tone appeared casual. "You can't change old habits with a wave of your wand. I guess it's hard for me to think I won't fuck up somewhere. But you shouldn't worry about me", he added gently. Go back to sleep."

"I woke up because you were not beside me in the bed, I'm not going back in there without you", she retorted assertively.

"I'm gonna lose the debate if I try to argue, won't I ?" Ron snorted.

"Of course you would lose, I'm more stubborn than you", she said confidently, and Ron could feel that she was sporting a small smile.

"Even if that were true, which remains to be seen, that's nothing to boast about, Miss Granger", he tutted in a fake formal voice. "I've been told that I'm more stubborn than a brooding mule having been raised by Harry, so imagine what could be worse than that... Apart from Harry himself, of course."

Ron felt Hermione shake behind him as she laughed heartily. He could not help but feel a surge of pride at having made her laugh after having made her worry for no good reason. Being able to make Hermione laugh as much as possible was one of his goals in life, and the sound of her laughter was one of the things he cherished most.

"I love you", she said fondly, as if it was the only logical answer to his antics.

At that, Ron turned around, and it was his turn to envelop Hermione in his arms, her smaller body fitting perfectly with his own. He kissed the top of her head, her brown curls tickling his face, before putting his chin on top of the mass of her unruly hair.

"I love you too", he whispered, and he hoped she could not detect how emotional he was.

He was glad that she could not see his face in the dark kitchen that was only lit up by the moonbeams that went through the main window. If she had, she would have seen in his eyes, of which Hermione always said they could never lie, the one thing that kept playing on a loop in his head but that was stuck in his throat.

I don't deserve you.

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Notes:

I suppose I should add a bit of information concerning my own vision of the Wizarding World that may seem surprising in future chapters:

1. I rather like to think the wizarding community is not small. I consider that there are hundreds of thousands, or even millions of wizards and witches in the United Kingdom, scattered in many different cities and villages.

2. For the same reason, I do not think Hogwarts is the sole magical school of the entire United Kingdom. It is the most reputed one, but I imagine there are thousands of smaller schools everywhere, allowing for people who do not want their children to go to a boarding school to learn magic and to learn how to control their powers nonetheless.

3. Only old wizards and witches actually dress in robes the way one would picture a typical wizard robe. I have my own ideas of what wizarding fashion is.

[anisecandy]

Hellooo! Saw you had posted the weirdly specific artist ask game sooo... I'm curious about 4, 5, 11 and 20 :) if you want to.

Also I have heard rumours of a certain spideyvenom discord :3 is there a link?

BTW love your art and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello there, hi! Thanks for the ask, I love asks!

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

Edward Charles Allan Brock is a plaque on this wasteland of an Earth, sent specifically to torment me. I hate his stupid face. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I can never keep it on model. I've made this design for myself in hope to have a compromise between the various og comic designs and what I could find fun to draw, but Christ alive.

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

Nowadays I post almost all the art I make. I'm dealing with some health issues that cause my hands to start hurting very easily if I draw for too long. So I don't really do like random casual doodles anymore and focus on drawing the things that make me the most happy!

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

I ALWAYS have sth playing in the background. Half the time it's music (my favorite band is Yorushika! But I listen to a lot of different artists. Lately I've been checking a lot of Kwiat Jabłoni's, Florence + The Machine's and The Oh Hellos' songs!) and the other half various video essays about books, movies, cartoons, tv series, games... I'm one of the people who listens to Quinton Review's 5+ hours long videos on the shows I've never even watched lol

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

I didn't know a lot of people don't like shading until I saw one of those poll's asking artists what part of the proces they dislike the most lol For me it's super fun! It feels kinda like craving your artwork from the base of colors. And if you have enough time to add more color so the shadows... the effects feel like magic! No other part of the proces is this satisfying!

Yup, there is a discord~ Here's a link: https://discord.gg/2N8VFMpG It should work for the next 7 days. I'd love to have you there ^^ If anybody else wants to join as well, please feel free to!

BTW, thank you and you too ♥