#it's been sitting in my closet for like 12 years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

borderline-sanity · 1 month

Text

GRWM as I ✨Wake Up with a Panic Attack✨

** None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.**

When it comes to the fight or flight instinct during panic attacks, I’m 100% a flight person.

I’ve dealt with panic attacks since high school and have been diagnosed with panic disorder. In high school I lived in constant fear of having an attack, which caused the attacks. It was all very cyclical. I have them less often now, but they still happen from time to time.

My go to method is to mix comforting and uncomfortable sensations and to overstimulate myself. I’ve tried deep breathing and relaxing music and the things that should logically help. But they always made me feel worse because I’m acknowledging the panic in such a head on fashion. I try to ground and overstimulate as many senses as I can, so I don’t have the energy or space to feel the panic anymore.

The initial terror, it’s going to happen. How fast you can pivot depends on the severity of the panic.

I tell myself I’m an expert in panic attack management. I have over 12 years of experience in the field and have worked tirelessly to perfect my methods. I have to convince myself I’m a pro at this, and have a 100% success rate of not imploding from anxiety. I narrate what I’m going to do and why it helps me specifically, basically what I’m doing here.

—-

My first stop is consistently my bathroom. I go through my bin of old lotions and pick a scent I have specially set aside for panic attacks. I use something that’s way too overpowering, but having something that smells bad to you is also an option. Sometimes I’ll use two different smells. The goal is to have a scent to ground you.

When I have a panic attack, my body fails at temperature regulation. Typically my feet are cold and clammy. So, I like to run some hot water in the tub and just stand in it for awhile. As I’m standing there, I apply whatever lotion or perfume I grabbed. Once my feet are warmed up, I get out of the tub and only sorta dry my feet. Then I put socks on my damp feet. Why? Because I hate the way it feels. And that harmless discomfort is going to distract me as I make my way to the next room.

I pick up a hoodie from the closet. Since I don’t know which way my temperature is going to flux, it’s nice to have on hand. I also have a big comfy shawl I use only during panic attacks.

I have to go down stairs to get to my kitchen. I take them really slow, especially with the damp sock situation. If I’m feeling too weak, I’ll just sit down and scoot down them. My instinct is flight, so staying in one room too long is no good. I usually feel safer being on the ground floor.

—-

Things might get messy in the kitchen, but that’s for future you to deal with. I used to keep a fresh lemon in the house at all times, but have moved away from that, opting for lemon juice. You can either bite into a lemon, or swish some lemon juice in your mouth and spit it out. A benefit of a fresh lemon is that it’s more messy. You’ll have lemon juice on your face and hands and that stickiness, at least for me, is an awful sensation.

You’re going to chase the lemon down with something else. I like to grab sour candy, like Warheads. But something like Pop Rocks also works. Picking an opposite flavor, like pudding or beef jerky is an option. You’re just trying to overload your tastebuds by making another harmless, but powerful distraction.

Alternatively, this step can be done when you’re in the bathroom. Swishing mouth wash and following it up with something sour is miserable. The face I make in the mirror is ridiculous and sometimes that’s enough to help soothe me.

—-

Like I said, I’m a flight person. So the next steps I either do pacing the house or on a treadmill. It just depends how steady my legs are feeling.

I grab my headphones, connected to my phone, and my tablet. I put the headphones on one ear and play music. The music is going to change every time. Sometimes you want something soothing, sometimes you want something loud. Sometimes you want music you love, sometimes you want music you hate. Having different playlists prepped helps you figure out what you’re in the mood for. I think one hit wonders are also a great option. There’s a familiarity and nostalgia that just hits the spot sometimes.

There are a few options for the tablet. You can put on a movie or tv show, and listen with your un-headphoned ear. I also like doing crossword puzzles or logic puzzles. It usually goes poorly, but I get so wrapped up in it. I’ve also found ‘Simon Says’ videos and follow those. Anything challenging and low stakes works here.

And this is where things usually begin to ease up. If my legs are too wobbly, I’ll just lie on the floor. Sometimes I go back to the lemon juice / sour candy. But eventually, my body is just exhausted and overstimulated. And there’s no more room for panic.

Once I feel myself winding down, I’ll get an electrolyte heavy drink. My go to is Pedialyte Zero Sugar packets but it doesn’t really matter what you use. I’ll have something light to eat if I feel up to it, usually just crackers.

When the panic has finally eases up and I feel safe again, I’m usually left exhausted. I fall asleep wherever I land, usually on the floor because it just feels nice and sturdy. When I wake up, I take care of any messes I left behind. And I drink more water.

—-

Important Notes and Additional Tactics:

Drink lots of water. Just have water dead drops everywhere.

Make it a point to keep yourself stocked up on supplies. Future you needs to restock supplies and put things back for next time.

Fidget toys are great and should also be in every room if possible. I like to use different ones depending on which room I’m in, just to keep up variety.

Ice cubes under the armpits or on the back of the neck are great. I guess anywhere works, I just find the cold distracting. As they melt, I’m left with water on my clothes. Similar to the damp socks, I hate this feeling.

My plant misting bottle stays in the kitchen and I’ll use it to spray my face or arms. Having glasses makes this more annoying, which is the goal.

I personally like to turn on as many lights as I can, but I understand this isn’t always possible.

Stepping outside can be helpful, just be mindful about it.

Reach out to people if that’s an option and you’re comfortable with it.

Walk through your routine when you aren’t in the middle of a panic attack. Developing this type of muscle memory helps you to be familiar and prepared. Remember, you’re the expert in panic attacks.

Take time to reflect on things. The day after a panic attack, I find a quiet place. I think back to everything I was feeling and who I was during the panic attack. And I talk to that past version of me and comfort her. Sometimes I find it easier to write it all out.

—-

I typed this while experiencing a panic attack. Usually I just narrate these things to myself. Recently, my older brother has started having attacks similar to mine. My hope is that sharing what I do to get myself through a panic attack will help at least one person. It is truly one of the most defeating and vulnerable experiences. I feel like I’ve lost so much time to my anxiety, I’d like to think I can help someone avoid the same struggles my younger self dealt with.

**None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.

#panic attack #mental health #coping mechanism #anxitey #panic disorder #advice #a very long walkthrough of how I get through a panic attack #self care

534 notes · View notes

jinnie-ret · 10 months

Text

protection

stray kids x reader (platonic)

genre: fluff, angst

content warnings: bullying, physical abuse, verbal abuse

Remember to reblog if you enjoy, and my asks are open! :)

you're a 15 year old trainee at JYP, good friends with the Stray Kids members who took you under their wing and see you as a younger sister. What they don't know is that you're being bullied by a couple of older trainees, who are jealous of your friendship with them.

MASTERLIST

It was getting worse. The rude comments, the punches, the feeling of being broken apart. Why did they have to pick on you? You deserved to be here as much as anyone else. You had been a trainee at JYP for three years now, joining when you were 12 years old, tearily waving goodbye to your parents as you bravely made the move to achieve your dreams. You would think that any trainee would be able to empathise with the other, knowing that they were all going through their own emotions, figuring out their emotions at the same time as trying to make your debut.

With some people, one emotion was more prevalent than others.

Jealousy.

There were two girls that had noticed you getting closer with the talented group Stray Kids, and they despised the fact that it wasn't them getting all the attention. But it wasn't a thing of getting attention for you, no, it was the guidance, the safety, the ease you felt of being yourself around them. They were your brothers, simple as that.

Going to dance class the next day shouldn't have been so daunting. You had had plenty of help from danceracha, the boys talking you through the steps, helping you correct the finer details whilst encouraging you and hyping you up at the same time. Yet, when you saw the two girls who were making your life miserable, you wanted to run and hide.

It was a breath of fresh air when you finally finished the dance lesson, yet it seemed to all be taken away from you when you felt a hand yank you backwards into a supply closet.

You let out a yelp as the door was harshly slammed.

"W-what?!?" you shakily called out.

Your hair was yanked back and you yelped again.

"Quiet bitch!" you recognise the voice of one of the girls from your class. You thought you had escaped them this time, but they always found a way to catch you off guard and drag you down even further.

"You must have some nerve going near our boys," Daesun practically growled in your ear as she glared down at you.

You pulled a face of confusion but that must have angered them judging by the harsh slap you received.

"Ah!" you winced from the sheer force of the hand colliding with your face.

"Be quiet! Silly girl, don't want people knowing you're weak, do we?" Daesun kicked your shin, hard.

"And don't act like you don't know what we're talking about!!" Jia practically spat.

The silence after they spoke didn't sit well with them, but you were too busy trying to breathe through the pain.

They then pushed into a shelving unit, pain spreading across your back as you tried to regain your balance and not give them the satisfaction of crying out loud in pain once again.

A hand was tightly wrapped around your throat.

"Aren't you gonna say something?!?" Daesun dangerously tilted her head.

"You told me to be quiet" you choked out, trying to push their hands off of you.

They chucked you to the ground, you gasping for air as you felt a foot stomp down on your back.

"Pathetic. You do whatever anyone tells you. So you better listen. Don't go anywhere near our boys or you won't get off as lightly as you are right now!" They threatened you.

But you didn't get off lightly, if it was anything to go by with your bruised back from their angered kicks, or the spontaneous black eye you received for just 'laying there and taking it'.

They had left the supply closet, but their words hadn't left your mind.

Pathetic

Useless

Untalented

They had left the supply closet but you hadn't missed the sound of the lock turning. Whimpering in pain from the slightest movement, you didn't quite have the motivation to try and stand and unlock the door.

You felt guilty as you were due to go and hang out with the boys, but you must have fallen asleep because the next thing you know, the door unlocked and there was the gasp of a cleaner who was trying to collect her supplies.

"Sweetie what happened to you?" She said as she helps you up, concern shining through her eyes as she takes in your bruised, unsteady form.

"Please don't tell anyone I'm just going to head home now," you whispered and quickly walked away. You couldn't head home, not really, you still had a vocal lesson to attend later. But that sweet old lady didn't need to know that.

You limped, holding your back as you rounded the corner, but then you heard their voices. You swiftly changed the direction you were headed in and got into the elevator, pressing the button to the floor you were so used to visiting, like it was second nature.

You made a beeline to Chan's studio, where 3RACHA worked their magic, thankful no one was in there. You just needed a safe space right now, and so you hid under the desk, curling up and trying to calm yourself down from the pain, and from the tears that wouldn't stop falling down your face.

The door opened, a set of footsteps entering and you couldn't help the sound of feat that escaped you because all that was running through your mind is that they found you.

"Hello?" A voice called out.

Shit

It was Han.

There was movement before a face was staring down at you curled up underneath the desk

You didn't think he had quite realised it you.

"Excuse me I don't think you can be in here, is everything ok?" He said gently.

This only made you cry more, my shoulders shaking violently feeling overwhelmed by his gentle tone after having to deal with Daesun and Jia.

"Wait... Y/N? Y/N what are you doing here? What's wrong?" He said hurriedly and concerned, his face peering at me under the desk.

"Please they won't leave me alone.. I'm not meant to talk to you," you cry, unable to forget what the older girls had said to you.

"Hey it's ok, it's ok, just stand up with me.. that's it, now come with me" he says gently holding you as he guides you to stand.

Suddenly he gasps, "your face... what happened?"

"It's my fault I couldn't stop it" you say distressed and still crying, his hands slightly tightening around his grasp on your arms as he realises something horrible must have happened.

"Ok, it's ok Y/N just walk with me" he says leading you out of the studio and into the practice room further down the corridor, but you try and stop him from doing it. You're not meant to talk to them, you remind yourself.

You use your body weight to lean the opposite way but he wraps his arms around you and tries to stop you, not finding it difficult to do so.

"Y/N... Y/N calm down, it's ok," his eyes glisten as he watches my scared and upset form.

"No no no I can't go in there they'll find out" you mumble, shaking your head repeatedly

"I got you ok, and so do the boys. Whatever or whoever you're scared of, forget about it, we'll look after you. And I want to know why you were curled up in the studio terrified out of your mind," Han guides you towards the door, opening it and walking you into the practice room where the rest of the group awaits.

"Hey Han did you get your headphones? Where were- Oh my... Y/N?!?"

"Where did those bruises come from?!"

"What on earth happened?"

"Aish! Quick sit her down."

Han walks you with him over to the sofa and the rest of the boys all moved over to gather around you.

"Y/N, what happened?" Hyunjin asked concerned.

You just shook your head not wanting to answer from your seat between Felix and Lee Know.

"Han... What happened to her?" Chan questioned looking serious, seeing your shaking form.

"I'm not sure hyung. I went into our studio to get my headphones and then I just found her curled up like this underneath the desk." Han explained looking at you concerned.

Felix had an arm gently resting around your shoulders trying to ease your trembling.

"Ah poor girl," Lee know murmured.

A hand tapped your knee making you flinch slightly even at that, but you looked up and saw Changbin which made you relax a bit.

"Y/N... Please tell us what happened, we don't have to do anything if you don't want us to but at least tell us where you're hurt so we know you're not in as much pain." He said to you, looking you in the eyes.

You nodded and heard some sighs of relief as you did so, shuffling slightly to move more into the middle of the sofa out of Felix's hold.

You clasped my hands together nervously thinking where to start.

"It's ok Y/N, it's just us in here." Hyunjin reassured you, standing in between Seungmin and Jeongin.

You nodded and stood up on shaky legs.

"Umm.. well.." you didn't know what to say and just pointed to your back.

"Are you trying to say your back is hurt?" Seungmin asked. You simply nodded in response as you bit your lip.

"Ah then sit down! You'll need to rest if your back is hurt" Chan inputted looking concerned.

Jeongin stepped forward and gently helped you sit down back next to Felix and Lee Know.

"Can you tell us if it's your lower back or whereabouts the pain is?" Changbin gently asked, from where he was now kneeled down in front of you.

But you were at a loss of how to explain that your whole back was in pain.

"Y/N? Is that too much or do you want us to stop now?" Han said sitting on the floor in front of you next to Changbin.

You shook your head, thankful at their consideration, "ah... All?"

You took in deep breaths thinking about how you were going to be able to bullying. Would they be angry at you for not telling them?

"My whole back hurts, but more lower," you close your eyes not wanting to see their reactions.

"Ok well done, good job, thank you for telling us Y/N," Felix said reassuringly.

"Now, is there anything else you can tell us?" Han asked steadily, and that was when you froze up even more.

Your thoughts were taking over and you began to feel scared again.

You grabbed onto your left wrist in hopes that it would help explain where else you were hurt, other than the obvious bruise painting your left eye black and blue.

"Ok, ok Y/N we're just gonna roll up that sleeve and then we can get a female staff member to help with your leg and back ok?" Chan said to you.

"No no no, no special attention, they'll be annoyed." You said, eyes wide open now and terrified.

Lee know immediately rubbed your back soothingly to try and calm you down but it wasn't working.

Meanwhile, Han was whispering to Hyunjin.

"This is what it was like when I was trying to get her to come in, she was saying similar things..."

"She's obviously scared of something or someone but I don't think she'll tell us" Hyunjin replied, hand on his chin in thought of what could have happened to the girl they all saw as their younger sister.

And as if timing couldn't have been any worse, the door opened wide and the two people you didn't want to see walked into the room. All their questions would soon be answered.

"Hey oppas can we have an extra dance practice?" Jia batted her eyelashes at Seungmin, who wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Yeah we want to show you how good we are," Daesun smirked.

"You should not be in this room, this is an idol practice room, please leave," Bang Chan sternly told the two girls.

You tried to get out of Lee Know and Felix's arms in a state of panic, your flight response kicking in. The girls saw you as soon as you moved though.

"Yah why's that brat- I mean oh Y/N are you practicing too?" Jia tried to cover her tracks.

Knowing you couldn't stand up because the boys wouldn't let you leave you just gripped onto Han's hand in front of you.

"What did you just call her?" Changbin asked horrified.

"Oh nothing- you know what I can't keep this up anymore I can't carry on being nice to her when she's clearly seeking attention from you guys," Daesun said bitterly.

Being too used to her harsh tone you recoiled back into the sofa and sucked in a harsh breath.

"There's no way she's seeking attention from us, I'm more curious to why she's so scared of you," Han spoke up.

"I don't think you've been acting all that nice to her either" Jeongin pitched in, looking over at your small form which looked shaken up.

"Oh come on you can't seriously be taking her side?!" Daesun spat.

"Look at her, it's not just a matter of taking her side but it's obvious you're the reason why she's like this," Hyunjin said with his eyes wide, gesturing towards your bruises.

"You're her elders, you're mean to take care of her and help her in dance not make things worse for her," Lee Know said angrily, dance was his passion and he hated how you were struggling even more with it because of two other trainees.

"Oh forget about practice we'll just go now you're clearly occupied" Jia said rolling her eyes and walking away with Daesun following.

"Actually no, you'll be coming with us to JYP's office, then we'll see how much you really cared about practicing," Chan said, gesturing Seungmin Han and Hyunjin to follow him out the room.

The whole time you were distracted, looking at the floor trying to block out what was going on around you, still shaking and just waiting for everything to be over.

You felt someone rub your shoulder in effort to get your attention and saw Jeongin looking at you.

"How about we get you home huh?" He asked you gently.

You nodded lightly because it had been a stressful day and it was exhausting being confronted by the girls twice in one day.

You went to stand up with the help of Changbin and Felix but your back ached making you wince in pain.

"Ahhh" you hissed out.

The boys helped you sit back down.

From beside you Lee Know spoke up.

"Y/N how about just for your back at the moment we get one of the female assistants help you?" He asked, but you felt anxious of the thought of another older girl coming near so you shook your head rapidly.

"Ok ok ok, don't worry no one else will come in here then. How about we get a pain soothing cream and we leave you to apply it on your back?" He asked calming you down.

"Ok," you agreed to that and waited for it as Changbin rushed out to get it.

He came back in with it and with the other boys following behind too, returning from JYP's office and leaving the girls to face their boss's wrath.

You took it and looked at the boys expectantly.

"Ah sorry, we'll wait outside so no one else comes in and just let us know when we can come back in." Chan said.

You odded thankfully and waited for them to leave before applying the cream. You pulled up the back of your jumper whimpering slightly at the smallest movement, but you still managed to rub in the cream gently. After that you put the lid back on and called for the boys to come back in.

"Ok?" Felix said looking at you questioningly.

You simply nodded in response shuffling over so he could sit back down as well as Lee know and Han as they squeezed in too.

"At the moment the girls have been temporarily suspended from the company, obviously nothing can be done until they see you too and hear your side of the story too but we're not gonna put that pressure on you yet" Chan explained.

"We just want you to rest a bit and then when you're ready we'll be right by your side" Hyunjin said to you, looking deep into your eyes trying to read your emotions.

"Thank you guys, it means a lot that you've done this for me," you admit, taking in a deep breath.

"Of course, you're like our little sister, we couldn't just let that slide," Felix said warmly.

"Now, I think it's time we head home?" Changbin stated.

"Yeah, and Y/N is coming to stay with us" Jeongin said nodding at you, and nodded back indicating you were comfortable in doing that.

"Good, we'll take care of you and make sure you're ok," Han smiled reassuringly at you.

They never failed in looking after you, and of course they'd have to ask you more questions on the ins and outs of this later. But for now, they wanted to be able to keep an eye on you and make sure you're safe.

tagged: @oo-li

#stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz #stray kids #stray kids imagines #skz fluff #skz angst #skz imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #imagines #kpop

796 notes · View notes

wen-kexing-apologist · 6 months

Text

Best QL of 2023: Favorite Lines

Okay so I am slightly over my one year mark in the BL Fandom, and have watched over the past like...12-14 months a little under 100 shows, so I am forcing myself to stick to the shows that aired in 2023 or else I would never be able to finish this. But I saw @abstractelysium do this so I had to climb aboard:

Top Five Lines that Lived Rent-Free In My Brain This Year:

"Have you been well? Without me?" - Shin Ki Tae, Our Dating Sim, Ep 4

Y'ALL THIS FUCKING LINE. KNIFE. CHEST. EVERY TIME! This line sits on the same level of absolute and total emotional devastation for me as the "I just want things to be nice for him" link in Big Eden.

"Are you tired, Uncle Jim?" - Li Ming, Moonlight Chicken, Ep 8

Jim and Li Ming's relationship just makes me absolutely so fucking emotional. I love them individually, I love them together, and I love how much Jim does for his community. But no one ever asks him this. And it is so striking to me that Li Ming is finally the one to demonstrate how much he understands and appreciates everything Jim does not only for him but for the entire community when he ass him that question.

"My family is old fashioned. I kept everything in my heart and didn't want to tell anyone until I was 15. My family went to Europe with Wa's family. We saw two women kissing on the street. I saw her and wanted to talk to her. I want to know how she did it. I want to release it like them. But Wa's mother and I...You can probably imagine. A pair of old-fashioned women who think same-sex love is wrong...That's when I realized I wasn't the only one feeling terrible. When we got back that night she broke down and cried. No one knew why. I asked her if it was about the afternoon incident. She asked me if a kiss between two women was wrong. I said no. It's just like two men kissing. It's not wrong. On that night a 15 year old boy and a 13 year old girl held each other and cried." -Sailom, Wedding Plan, Ep. 6

Okay this isn't a line, it's a monologue but holy fucking shit this was such a beautiful speech, and I will quote @bengiyo here and say "I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE HATED THIS MAN." He has spent so much of his life in the closet protecting not only himself but especially Yiwa. Sailom was going to go through with the wedding just to ensure that Yiwa and Marine could be together without anyone prying.

"This is as tender as I can be. Someone like me." -Mhok, Last Twilight, Ep. 4

Honestly you could replace the first sentence with whatever you want, the part that sticks in my brain the most is "someone like me" because I know that Mhok must have heard shit like that his entire life, and Day is here saying it in a way that I don't think Mhok takes as an actual insult or passing of judgement. I like that the line is used whenever Mhok does show who he truly is and how much tenderness or warmth he is actually capable of in a subversion of the expectations placed upon him.

"But you know, I already knew your preferences so well. When I go shopping with Kakei-san, he talks about you all the time...He says it with a smile" -Kayoko, What Did You Eat Yesterday?, Season 2 Episode 11

THE WEEP I WEPT WHEN KAYOKO TOLD KENJI HOW MUCH SHIRO TALKS ABOUT HIM. This entire second season of WDYEY Shiro has just continuously shown so much beautiful beautiful growth and my heart twists with pride every single time I see him looking more relaxed and smiley. WDYEY is the most perfect show to ever exist.

#our dating sim #moonlight chicken #last twilight the series #wedding plan the series #what did you eat yesterday?#best ql 2023

123 notes · View notes

kydrogendragon · 6 months

Text

Dec 12 - Wrapping Paper

(Ao3 Link)

Of all the things that Hob had expected Morpheus to get stuck on in regards to the gift giving season, wrapping paper was nowhere on his list. Morpheus, having worked for the library for almost a full year now, has earned himself a good paycheck and insisted on finding appropriate gifts for those he cares for.

That, oddly enough, was the easy part. All the gifts have been obtained at least a month ago and have been sitting, hidden in the back of their closet. Now, however, Hob isn’t quite certain how to help with Morpheus’s particular problem.

“Those ones no good either?” He asks as Morpheus returns to his side after scouring through every roll of wrapping paper available at Tesco over in Bushwood. Morpheus pulls the collar of his coat up against the winter chill as he nuzzles into Hob’s side. Hob wraps his arms around his shoulders, tucking the black floof covered head under his chin.

“No,” he mumbles against his shoulder. “They were all wrong.”

Hob hums as he rocks his boyfriend in his arms. “Sorry, love.” He pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I think we’ve looked at every store around that’s got wrapping paper. No luck on the internet either, yet?”

“No…” Morpheus mumbles again. He sighs and lifts his head off of Hob’s shoulder. He’s slouched, his face down turned. It breaks Hob’s heart to see him so sad over something Hob feels helpless to fix.

Then he has a thought.

“Have you tried asking Daniel?” Morpheus looks up at him, brows furrowed.

“For what purpose?”

“Well, it seems like the wrapping paper of your dreams might only be found… in your dreams.” He gives Morpheus a smile. “At least until us humans catch up to your brilliance.”

His lover turns his gaze over Hob’s shoulder, staring out in a look that Hob’s learned means he’s thinking very deeply. He stays there, rubbing Morpheus’s shoulders, waiting out his thought process. After a few moments, he turns back to Hob and nods.

“That is not a bad idea… however, it is a trivial request. It would be foolish to ask such a thing of him.”

“Mmm, why not give it a shot anyways? You might be surprised.”

“I… suppose.”

Morpheus is sitting in their living room above the New Inn. It is raining outside. More specifically, it is raining upwards and the water is orange. There is a camel sitting in the chair across from him, speaking in German. He is dreaming.

“I call to you, Dream of the Endless, if you will hear me.” Morpheus calls out into his dreamscape.

“Morpheus,” Daniel’s voice rings in the small space. Within a blink, the camel is now Daniel, white flowing robes undulate around his form, the emerald dreamstone sits proudly upon his neck. He is smiling. Morpheus smiles in return.

“My lord,” Morpheus ducks his head in a bow. Daniel raises his hand, dismissing him.

“You are family, Morpheus. And you were once us. Do not worry for such formalities.” Daniel shifts, folding one leg over the other as he pulls forth two glasses of wine from the fabric of the Dreaming. He passes one to Morpheus. “To what do I owe the visit?”

Taking a sip of the wine, Morpheus hums. He remembers it’s taste from centuries ago. It is old, older than Hob, in fact. “I have a dilemma. Hob suggested I reach out to you to see if you would be able to assist. I am aware it is a trivial matter, but…” He takes another sip.

Daniel looks him over, watching his movements before finishing his sentence for him. “But it is important to you.”

“Yes.”

Daniel nods, gesturing for him to continue. Taking a breath, Morpheus speaks. “There lives, quite possibly only in my mind, paper I would wish to wrap the gifts I have found for those close to me. I have been unsuccessful in my search for something near it in the Waking world. I thought, perhaps, you may be able to help me obtain this. From within my dreams.”

Morpheus may be human, no longer Dream of the Endless, but the knowledge of how the Dreaming works remains. Within mere moments, the wrapping paper he has so clearly envisioned in his mind’s eye appears in front of him.

The paper is crisp, smooth, and blacker than the night sky. Stars twinkle lightly in the void with patches of color like nebulae in the distance. It sent a pang through his heart at the realization he was seeking paper that looked identical to the lining of his coat when he had been Endless. No wonder it was impossible to find in the Waking.

“This is the paper you seek?”

“Yes… I.” Morpheus clears his throat.

“Very well. When you wake, this shall follow you.”

Morpheus jerks his head up. “Truly?”

“I would not lie.”

He smiles. “Thank you. Daniel. Truly, I thank you.”

When Morpheus awakes in the morning, the impossible starry night sky wrapping paper rests on the nightstand beside him. He reaches over, pulling the paper close and rubs his thumb over the twinkling stars. He loves his human life here. He would not trade it for the world, and certainly wouldn’t wish to return to his old responsibilities. But, impossibilities like this, the familiarity of it all, that he does miss.

“Dove?” Hob mutters into his pillow to his left. “S’early.”

“Daniel was kind enough to grant my wish.” Morpheus says, not lifting his eyes from the wrapping paper. He hears Hob shuffle in the sheets and then sees a tan hand reach out and graze the top of the night sky.

“Well, if this is what you were trying to find, I’m not surprised you didn’t find it at Tesco.” He says with a laugh.

“No. No I suppose not.”

#dreamling #hob gadling #dream of the endless #the sandman #ky writes #december writing list #kydrogen's december drabbles 2023

76 notes · View notes

lunarzstarz · 2 years

Text

(12 Days of Kinkmas) Day 1: Public Sex

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Content Warning: NSFW 18+ minors dni oral(m receiving), edging, risk of getting caught, sex toys

Summary: Eddie gives you an early Christmas present

A/N: My first 12 days of kinkmas fic, I hope you all like it (roughly proofread)

As always likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3

Word Count: 2.4k

You had come over to Eddie’s to see him before his campaign, the last one of the season before Christmas, he’d been going on about it for weeks telling you it was gonna be the best yet. When you got here, he was head deep in piles of paper going over any final details like a maniac, muttering to himself, you being used to it just mindlessly flicked through one of his comics. You still weren’t sure he had even heard or seen you come in.

After a while you got into the comic forgetting about your boyfriend for a moment until he plopped down on the bed beside you. “Hi” he finally greets you, smiling up at you with a big goofy grin.

“Hi” you return the smile, leaning down to give his lips a quick peck.

“This is new” he says, tugging on the fabric of your skirt, that playful glint in his eyes. You just nod as he rests a hand on your bare thigh “These new too?” he asks, quickly diving his head down to peek up your skirt.

“Eddie!” you squeal through your laughter, lightly shoving him off you.

“What I was only looking!” He holds his hands up in defense.

“You're an idiot Munson” you sigh, rolling your eyes with affection.

“Yes but I’m your idiot” he beams, a hand reaching for the back of your neck to pull you in for a kiss. He’s first to deepen it, craning his up for more and letting his tongue glide past your bottom lip, you let him without a moment of hesitation. He brought his other hand to your knee, hooking it under to pull you onto his lap.

“Eddie” you pull away and he’s quick to move to your neck, burying his face in the crook of it sucking on the spots he knows you are most sensitive. “Eddie” you say again, lacing your fingers through his curls. You get nothing but a “hmm?” in response, he was too focused on marking you.. “Eddie, your campaign, you're gonna be late” you remind him, a breathy moan escaping you as his thigh grinded against your clothed clit.

“I- won’t- we- have- plenty- of- time-” he said, each word between kisses.

You pulled him off your neck “Eddie it’s four thirty, you have to be there at five!” you remind him. As much as you didn’t want him to stop, you weren’t about to be the reason he was late to his most anticipated game of the year.

“Shit” he groaned, resting his forehead on your chest “sorry sweetheart.”

“S’okay, I’ll see you tomorrow anyway, how about you come round to mine?” you suggest, moving off his lap which he protested to.

“Or…” he started, hands coming to rest on your waist.

“Or?” you wait for him to continue, you could practically see the gears turning in his mind.

“Can I give you something?” He asks, getting up from the bed and going to his closet. You watch him pull out a black box tied with a pale pink ribbon. He sees the confusion on your face “It’s an early christmas present” he says, handing it over to you.

“Eddie you didn’t have to-” he cuts you off with a scoff.

“Like you haven’t gotten me anything after I told you not too, besides it’s for the both of us, well mostly me I guess” he smirks, sitting down in front of you.

From his suggestive tone you guessed it was some skimpy underwear set he wanted to see you in. You untied the ribbon, you could feel Eddie’s eyes on you as you lifted the lid and you felt your cheeks heat up. Inside was an egg shaped toy, you pick it up, the soft purple silicone felt nice against your skin. You examine it for a moment, it only had one button on the side to turn it on so you pressed and nothing happened.

“How does it work?” you finally break the silence and look up at Eddie, who looks like he couldn’t be more turned on right now. He doesn’t say anything, but pulls a very small controller out of his pocket and presses on of the buttons. You jump slightly as the toy starts to vibrate in your hand.

“Eddie” you speak in a hushed voice, not knowing what to say.

“Do you like it?” he asks, turning it off again “The woman at the store said they were very popular, thought maybe you’d like to try it?”

“I love it, really I do, but why would you give me this now” you ask, but you felt like you already knew what he was gonna say next.

“Well maybe we could try it out, how about you come sit in on the campaign tonight?” he gives you that mischievous smile he always does when he comes up with these dirty ideas.

“Eddie we can’t, what if someone catches us” the thought made you warm inside.

“As long as you are a good girl and stay quiet, nobody will know, come on I know you want to” he scoots closer to you. “You want people to watch me make you feel good don’t you?” he leans in again to kiss you. “I promise it will be fun and if you want me to stop at any time, all you have to do is squeeze my hand three times and I’ll stop.”

“Okay” you give in, not that you needed any persuasion when it came to Eddie, but his reassurance was enough for you to put yourself in his control for the night.

“Great! Well we better get going, can’t be late for the game” he says, taking the toy from your hands and putting it into his bag. “Ready?” he asks, standing in the doorway with a shit-eating grin.

You were in for it tonight.

——————————

The anticipation was killing you as you pulled up to the crowded parking lot of Hawkin’s High. There was a basketball game tonight, so the whole school was there. You spotted a few of your friends on your way inside, but instead of following them into the gym like you usually would you went the opposite way with Eddie.

“You could go with them you know, I won’t mind I know dnd isn’t really your thing” Eddie said, opening the door at the end of the corridor to the school basement, holding it for you with a smug look on his face.

“Shut up” you huffed, pushing past him.

You watched Eddie as he set everything up, the ache between your thighs becoming harder and harder to ignore. He set up his station and lifted out his dice, everything he did, he seemed to be doing a lot more slower than usual, casting glaces to you as you rocked impatiently on the balls of your feet trying to fight the Hawkins chill that swept through the place.

Finally he pulled out an extra chair placing it right next to his throne at the head of the table. “C’mere” he calls you over, opening his arms. You walk into them wrapping your own around his waist “you sure you want to do this?” he double checks.

You nod into his chest taking in his cologne “Please” you sigh.

He pulls away, reaching into his bag and pulling out the toy “shit, I should’ve brought some lube or something” he mutters to himself, searching for the controller.

“Don’t worry I’m not gonna need it” you blurt making him laugh.

“Okay then” he says, taking a seat on his throne, tapping his knee for you to come and sit. You sit down and already you could feel the bulge in his pants.

“Hurry before the others get here” you say, resting your head on his shoulder.

One of his hands immediately slipped underneath your skirt, feeling the fabric of your panties “Shit you weren’t joking, you’re soaked” he groaned, you swear you felt him twitch beneath you. He moved your underwear to the side, dipping his fingers between your wet folds causing you to let out a breathy moan.

“Please Eddie” you whine, bucking your hips.

“Okay, okay” he cooed, removing his hand to grab the toy. He looked at you for confirmation, you nodded. He rubbed it between your folds, gathering your slick before pressing it against your entrance. He spread your legs wider and pushed the toy inside.

“Eddie..” you moaned in his ear, burying your face in his neck. The stretch felt so good and once he had fully inserted it, it was snug against your sweet spot.

“That okay?” he asks, fixing your underwear back in place.

“More than okay” you smile up at him, he brings you in for a kiss.

You sat like that for a while, kissing and sucking on each other's necks, Eddie’s ringed fingers squeezing your doughy thighs, until the door opened. You were quick to pull away but Eddie held you firmly in his lap.

“Jesus Christ, get a room!” Gareth groaned, once he caught sight of you two.

“Shut up” Eddie waves a dismissing hand, giving you one last kiss before letting you go. He showed you the controller slipping it into his pocket. You take your seat next to him, everyone finally arriving, saying their hellos to you, Eddie’s friends loved having you around and it wasn’t unusual seeing you there.

Once everyone was seated and had everything ready, the game began. It didn’t take long for everyone including you to get into it, Eddie was good at his role it was hard not to get involved. For a moment you had forgotten why you were there in the first place, that was until Eddie was giving a speech trying to build suspense and suddenly he pressed on one of the buttons. You yelp at the sudden vibrations buzzing through your core, everyone turned to look at you puzzled, everyone except Eddie.

“You okay there sweetheart?” he asked, fake concern.

You compose yourself quickly, cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment “I- um yes, sorry just hit my shin” you give them a reassuring smile, rubbing your leg. They all went back to ignoring you and Eddie finished his speech, sitting back down in his throne with a cocky grin. You focused on the mild vibrations, Eddie watches you as he clicks another button turning them up. You fold over slightly, squeezing your thighs together. Eddie holds his hand out for you to take, smug bastard you think you yourself, you weren’t about to tap out this early. He practically reads your mind, turning his attention back to the game.

Time went on, Eddie testing out every setting the toy had to offer, leaving you squirming in your seat. He hadn’t let you cum once, he could tell when you were close turning the toy off completely, letting you recover then going back to torturing you. You had just recovered when he sent the strongest vibrations your way again making you let a quiet whine escape your lips which you did your best to cover up with a cough. It earned you a few confused glances but everyone was focused on the game. He had been doing this to you for almost two hours, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“I- I’m gonna go to the bathroom” you said, standing up abruptly.

“Can it wait? We were just about to get to the good part, don’t want you to miss it” Eddie said, looking up at you with those sinful eyes, holding out his hand to you. Another button pressed had you falling back into your seat.

“Sure” you managed, crossing your legs giving him a smile through gritted teeth, this boy would be the death of you.

He went on with his tormenting for another while, you were on the verge of tears, as much as you hated it you reached for his hand. You squeezed it once hesitating but then he sent another shock of vibrations and you squeezed him another two times.

“Right guys I think now would be a good time for a quick break” Eddie announces, the vibrations stopping. They all agreed and Eddie took your hand pulling you to your feet, your legs shaking.

He led you out to the empty corridor “Eddie please I can’t take it anymore” you whimper.

“Me neither, do you know how hard it was to not cum in my jeans just watching you?” he said, unbuttoning his pants.

“We can't do it here, someone could see us!” you watch as he pulls the waistband of his underwear down to free his erection, the tip slick with his pre cum.

“Not if we’re quick” he clicked the controller again and you fell to your knees in front of him, letting out a loud enough moan that echoed through the halls. Eddie looked down at you with a satisfied grin “best get to work sweetheart.”

You sat up and held him by the base of his cock, placing him on your tongue, licking up any pre cum. He let you go at your own pace as you sucked him into your mouth, pumping the rest of his length that you couldn’t fit in your mouth without gagging.

He set the vibrations as high as they could go, your moans and cries muffled by his cock making him groan above you. You reach your free hand down to play with your aching clit, chasing your orgasm.

There was a sound from around the corner that had you pulling away, but Eddie was quick to place a hand in your hair holding you in place. He shook his head, bringing a finger to his lips to shush you before continuing to pump himself into your mouth, tip slipping further now your throat. He tugs his lip between his teeth and you know he’s close.

You try your best to keep your moans and whimpers low, as the noises fade away, thankfully not coming your direction. You rub fast circles on your clothed clit, your underwear drenched and you cum with a loud cry around him, tipping Eddie over the edge as well.

“Oh sweethea- Shit” he struggles to keep quiet himself as he empties his load into your mouth. Your thighs twitching beneath you with the aftermath of your powerful release. He pulls you off once he is finished, you gasping, trying to recover. “Holy shit, we are definitely doing that again” Eddie says, winded, falling back against the wall.

You swallow his cum, wiping your face with a shaking hand and let out a stifled laugh “Yeah, we are.”

#lunarzstarz 12 days of kinkmas #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson stranger things smut #eddie stranger things #stranger things fics #stranger things smut #stranger things one shot

683 notes · View notes

janicho88 · 10 months

Text

When It All Falls Apart - Chapter 12

Pairing- ex!Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 3,827

Warnings- Some language. Dealing with a breakup. Sad reader. Angst, If I missed something let me know!

A/N-We're going to hear a little bit more from Jensen, and the reader gets to know someone new a little better. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural. Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns. Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right? While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere. Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

When Mackenzie leaves your apartment complex, she makes her way back to Jensen’s place. Her brother is on the couch with a glass of what she assumes is whiskey in his hand, his phone on the table in front of him. He’s just staring at a black television screen.

She doesn’t know if he heard her come back or not, because he hasn’t moved yet. Walking behind him she slaps the back of his head before coming around the front of the couch.

“Ouch, what was that for?” Jensen questions, rubbing the back of his head.

“For being a dumbass, and losing the best damn thing that has ever happened to you.”

She picks up a pillow from the end of the couch and throws it at him, with the glass of alcohol in his hand he doesn’t react in time to knock it away.

“What has gotten into you today? I liked yesterday’s Mack better.”

“She hadn’t just spent the last couple hours with Y/N.”

Jensen looks up at her, “you saw her?”

“I did, and considering how much you always said she meant to you, you did a piss poor job of showing it. I don’t think I have ever seen Y/N so down and hurt. What the hell were you thinking treating her like that?” She ends with a shout.

“I never wanted to hurt her!” He yells back.

“Well mission not accomplished!”

Kenzie is pacing back and forth in front of the tv, while her brother gets up and moves to the kitchen. She follows him after a moment and watches him fill up his glass with whiskey and down it.

“If the man you told me about yesterday, and what she said today is who my brother is turning into, I don’t think I want to know him.”

“That makes two of us.” He pours another drink before his sister takes the glass away from him. He takes a big drink from the bottle instead. “I looked through my phone today, my text messages with Y/N. There are so many I never responded to. I didn’t even make it to checking the call log.”

“What happened to you? This isn’t how mom raised us, and this isn’t my big brother that always used to watch out for others.”

When he doesn’t reply she continues.

“How could you just push her to the side like she doesn’t mean anything? Yesterday, you told me you already bought her a ring. Were you having second thoughts about asking her? Did you want to end things? What was going through that head of yours? Did the new hairstyle come with a dickhead attitude?”

“No, I don’t know. I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t mean to? You’re not a kid that accidentally broke mom’s vase here. She is really hurting Jay, heartbroken and living in some closet sized dump of an apartment.”

He stares at his sister and replays the last thing she said. Is she not at Jared’s anymore? Grabbing his empty glass and going back to the couch, Jensen sits down in one corner and Kenzie sits in the other facing him.

“Talk to me please,” she softly pushes.

“For the first time in ten years I was walking onto a new set.”

“It’s not the first time you’ve been on a new set. You were just on a movie set before this one.”

He rolls his eyes at the interruption. “I know, but it was the first time I was coming on after being the star of my own show for so long. The Batman movie, we were all pretty much in the same boat there. These guys on The Boys, have been together for two years already. Not everyone was the most welcoming at first. Hell, one of the guys even told me, he didn’t want to like me.”

He pauses for a moment before continuing. “I didn’t want it to end up being like Dark Angel, where there were stupid fights over lines, or screen time, or some other idiotic thing. So I did everything I could to try and fit in and avoid rocking the boat. I found a new friend in Karl, and we hung out outside of work. We might go golfing or hit up a bar, maybe both, sometimes Chace or Jack would join. Then Karl would invite me along when they all went out as a group.I didn’t want to tell them no, and let them think I wasn’t a team player.”

“Okay, but what’s that have to do with how you treated Y/N?”

“When she showed up to dinner with Eric, I was afraid they might see it as calling in a favor with the boss to get my girlfriend to be around. I don’t quite know how to explain how I saw it at the time.”

“That’s ridiculous. What about barely talking with anyone before that?”

“We would spend a lot of time on set. Might not always be the ones filming, but we were there. Phones had to stay in our trailers. Some nights I was so beat that I just wanted to shower and get to sleep. Honestly there were times, I didn’t even think to look at it. This character, he’s not exactly the best guy. There were days or nights I would get in this awful headspace, and I just shut myself away.”

“Mom, Y/N, me, any of us could have helped and talked to you if you needed it.”

“But I got it in my head that I needed to do this on my own. Prove I could do it just as well as the other guys they were looking at for the part.”

“Bravo, you did it. You just became an asshole in the process.”

“I never meant to. I got caught up in everything, and the filming process is different. It isn’t really just one episode at a time. Plus there are all these extra things thrown in that we’re filming. Everything together, it was just a crazy couple of months.”

“I think you need to take some time now that you’re home, to figure out where exactly you stand, and what’s important in your life. You treated Y/N like shit, and your family didn’t fare much better. I doubt your friends did either. But you would be an even bigger idiot than you have been if you let that girl go without a fight.”

“After everything, there is no way she would want me back.”

His sister shrugs, getting up from the couch. “Well this has been an interesting two days, but I need to get back to Dallas. You need to work on removing your head from your ass.”

“Thanks, Mack,” he quips with a roll of his eyes.

Picking up her purse she heads for the door. “Good luck, you’re going to need it.”

“Thanks, drive safe. Text me when you get home.”

“It would serve you right if I didn’t.”

He just glares at her.

“Alright, fine. Love you.”

“Love you too, kid.”

With a hug she is off the front porch and over to her car. Jensen waves as she pulls out of sight. Shutting the front door he makes his way back to the living room thinking over everything that had been said.

You spent the rest of your Sunday on the couch with the now empty bag of popcorn. The Hallmark Channel didn’t last very long. Flipping channels doesn’t get you anywhere, so you pull up Netflix and decide on Lucifer. Rich had worked on that show before, and had given you a hard time about not checking it out yet.

Unfortunately, you end up falling asleep on the couch and your neck and back are not happy with you Monday morning. At least today should be a fairly easy one. You just have two early scenes and should be free after lunch.

After hair and makeup are done with you this morning, you head to wardrobe before going to your trailer to wait for your call time. While you are going over the script there is a knock at the door.

“Come in,” you call out from the couch.

Looking up you see Keegan walking in, seems like he is all ready for the day also.

“Hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to run lines for the second scene?” he asks.

“Sure, you can have a seat.”

Sitting across from you he pulls out the needed pages while you flip to your own. The scene is just the two of you talking or arguing about Cordel after he has stormed out of their parents house. It has your two characters slightly at odds. You want to cut the ranger a little slack after everything that has happened, his brother does not.

A short while later a PA comes to call the both of you to the Walker family house set. Jared is talking with the director. Violet and Kale, who play Jared’s children, are off to the side looking over their scripts, while Mitch and Molly, the elder Walkers, are seated in the family living room already in their spots.

During a break after the second take, Keegan pulls out his phone and takes a quick video of everyone waiting for the next take.

“Here is some of our amazing cast hard at work on episode 2.”

You wave and smile when he turns it to you.

“Are you ready for this Miss Padalecki?”

“I believe I am. How about you?”

He turns the camera on himself before shrugging. “Guess we’ll find out. Bye for now.”

The morning goes quickly. Since you are finished with your scenes, you are getting ready to head out. Jared comes over as you are locking up your trailer.

“Hey, where are you off to?”

“Heading home. What do you have?”

“A couple scenes after lunch, then some work on the producer side.”

“Good luck, hope it goes well.”

“Thanks. I was heading for lunch, did you want to grab some with me before you go?”

You are about to say no, but your brother looks a little down. “Sure, sounds good.”

You follow him over to craft services and notice that once he has his food, he’s looking around for a place to sit. Unlike the Supernatural set, those here just look at him and nod as he walks by. No one calls out for him to join them. The two of you sit at an empty table in the back, he looks down while he starts to eat.

“What’s going on?”

Looking up in confusion, Jared just shrugs.

“Okay, let’s try this. Where do you usually eat lunch here?”

“Gen was here some last week so she and Tom joined me. I’ve had some meetings over lunch other days.”

“You don’t join in with the others?”

“I’m their boss here. I’ve tried to joke around to get them to loosen up, but it’s still early I guess. Mitch isn’t bad, but he usually eats in his trailer so he can skype his wife.”

“Y/N, you’re still here!” you hear Keegan call out behind you.

Looking up, you notice him walking over toward your table, he pauses when he sees Jared.

“Hey Keegan, why don’t you join us?” you call out to him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, come on. Do you have more scenes this afternoon?”

“Yep, Jared and I have the brother’s confrontation scene next. Then a flashback with the Walker family.”

“Okay, did you two need to run lines or anything?”

“I don’t want to bother Jared,” your new friend starts to say.

“It’s no bother. I’d be happy to. We can figure out how we want to play it before we get there,” Jared interrupts him.

You leave a short time later with those two in an animated discussion.

Back at your apartment you decide to take advantage of the workout room. All your extra snacks and sweets lately have your wardrobe fitting a little tight. A swim after helps to cool you down before going back to your place. You have the next day off and give Gen a call to see if she wants to get together. She has some meeting for a fundraiser board she is on, so you offer to come watch Tom.

It’s been a few days since your nephew has seen you. The little man keeps you on your toes all day Tuesday. You are playing with his toys indoors, out in the pool, and then running around the yard for a game of chase. By the time Gen gets back you are wiped. Tom settles down for a nap, while you spend some time with her. Back home later that night, you head to bed early knowing the next three days will be long ones on set.

Jared gives Jensen a call Tuesday night when he is once again hounded by Tom because Aunt Y/N didn’t bring Uncle Jensen over today.

“Hey,” Jared greets his longtime friend.

“Hi Jare,” Jensen answers.

“Tom wants to know when he's going to see Uncle Jensen.”

“My week is pretty open, what’s yours look like?”

“I’m on set all week. Tom has an appointment tomorrow Gen is taking him to. She’ll be home with him Thursday, and she’ll be on set Friday afternoon so he’ll be there.”

“How about I pick him up Friday before Gen goes to work. That way he isn’t stuck on the lot, or in your trailer. I can take him over to the park, and bring him back to my place until one of you is done.”

“I’ll run it by Gen, but it should work.”

The two make small talk before ending the conversation. Jared texts him later that Friday is good for them.

Wednesday and Thursday end up being longer days on set for you, and you are thankful there are only three scenes you are a part of on Friday. They are just spread out a bit so you are still spending the whole day on set. You see Gen arrive and go over to greet her and Tom, and are surprised when your nephew isn’t in the car.

“He’s with Jensen. Tom has been begging to see him,” she tells you with a slight wince.

“Oh, I bet he has. It’s good that they can spend some time together,” you respond with a small smile. “I forgot something in my trailer, I’ll catch you later Gen.”

Back inside your trailer you take a seat on the couch. Why are you upset about this? Tom loves Jensen and you knew eventually your brother and him would be hanging out again. Is it because you wish you were included in the plans like you used to be? You just have to keep reminding yourself that you need to get used to the new way of things.

One very excited Tom is in his car seat in the back of Jensen’s truck on the way to the park. The little boy hasn’t stopped talking yet. It helps take Jensen’s mind off of the tense exchange he had with Gen. She is loyal and fierce, so he should have expected that. Tom has told the adult up front all about his new lego set, the mess Sadie made in the house after she rolled in mud the other day, and the trip he took where he got to wave a sparkle lighter in his hand.

“What’s a sparkle lighter?” Jensen asks, looking back at him while they are stopped at a light.

“A stick that my daddy put fire on and then I got to hold it while the sparkle lights shot off it.”

“Oh, you mean a sparkler.”

“Yeah, a sparkle lighter.”

“Sure bud, did you do that all by yourself?”

“Daddy helped.”

When they arrive at the park, Jensen is thankful it isn’t very busy. Tom takes off for the swings first, when he’s tired of being pushed it’s over to the slides. He makes sure his uncle is watching him go across the bridge on the play set to get over to the tall slide.

Jensen is keeping a careful eye from down below to make sure he doesn’t fall. Watching the small child, he can’t help but remember the last time he came here with you and Tom. You were right up there with Tom making sure he got across just fine. The first time down the slide you had to go with him, after that he wanted you up with him, but to slide down himself. Jensen, definitely misses your company today.

When it’s time to leave the park, Tom convinces Jensen to stop for ice cream on the way back. Looking at the time, Jensen calls in a pizza for them to pick up for dinner before they stop for ice cream. When they reach his house, he takes Tom and the ice cream inside before coming back for the pizza. He tells the little boy he has to eat some actual food before he can have his ice cream out of the freezer.

While they are eating Tom starts to tell Jensen about a time when you were watching him.

“Mommy and daddy weren’t home and me and Aunt Y/N got pizza and bread and cake and cheese fries and popcorn and cookies and ice cream. I had one but she got two.”

“You had all that at once?”

“Yeah, she told me not to tell mommy though.”

This was the opening Jensen was looking for to see what was going on with you. “How is your Aunt Y/N?”

Tom shrugs his little shoulders. “She was crying a lot, but only when she didn’t see me there.”

“Is she still?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you see her cry anymore?”

“Not when she visits.”

“She doesn’t live with you anymore?”

“No. Why isn’t Aunt Y/N at your house?” the little boy quickly returns.

“Um.. well.. What did she tell you?”

“You were busy working. But you aren’t now. So can she leave her new home and come back there? I don’t like it. It’s really small and she has bad snacks there. Mommy let me take goldfish over for you when you go to her new house. So you don’t have to have the bad snacks.”

“That was very nice, thank you. What’s Y/N’s apartment like?” Jensen tries to fish out more information.

“I don’t like playing there. Her bed is in the living room and kitchen together. We can’t even play hide and seek.” It doesn’t have any place to hide.” He waves his hands around as only an exasperated four year old can.

The picture Tom is painting in Jensen’s head isn’t a great one. Why would she leave Jared’s for a place like that?

After dinner and ice cream Jensen finds a kids movie on Netflix and hangs out in the living room with Tom. He is out before the end of the movie and Jensen covers him with a blanket before turning off the movie and sitting there in silence.

A knock at the front door quickly stirs him from his thoughts, he tries to get there before they wake up the little boy. Opening the front door, Gen is on the other side.

“I’m here for Tom.”

“I figured. He’s asleep, come on in.”

Gen silent follows him in the house, stopping in the hallway when Jensen questions her.

“How is she?”

She turns to look at her husband's best friend, and her sister-in-law’s ex. “I’m assuming you mean Y/N,” she replies after a moment.

“That would be correct.”

“Why should I tell you?”

He runs a hand through his hair, “Mack and Tom both said some things. I’m worried about her.”

“Where was that worry two, three months ago?”

“I screwed up, I majorly screwed up, okay. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her. Please.”

She stares at him a good minute before responding, “You hurt her bad. She puts on a good front, but those that know her can see through it.”

“Is her apartment as bad as they both said?”

“None of us are thrilled with her current living arrangement.”

“I was surprised to hear she moved out.”

“I don’t know how many times I heard her tell Jared she didn’t want whatever happened between the two of you to come in between you and Jared. One reason she moved out was so he could still have you over without worrying about upsetting her.” Gen shakes her head. “As hurt as she was…is, she still cares about you.”

“I never meant for this to happen. Hurting her wasn’t my intention.”

“What was your intention then?”

“I got caught up in my own head and trying to get through filming. I just… I didn’t realize what had happened until it was too late. She’s right, I didn’t take the initiative and call her. Took a few weeks after the breakup for me to realize I was still checking my phone for messages or calls from her. I had been doing that during the…the end of our relationship, I was too wrapped up in my own things to pick up the phone and call her to see how she was doing. I left it to her to do all the communicating.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Hell, I still check my phone to see if there’s anything from her. I’ve come to realize, I failed her on a number of levels.”

“You really did. It’s about time you realized it. Now how are you going to fix it?”

“I don’t think I can. She deserves a better man.”

Gen shakes her head. “I agree she deserves better, or at least better than the you in Toronto. But I know you still have her heart. What the two of you had was something very special, and I thought it would be worth fighting for.”

“I won’t be around much the next few months. I have a recurring role that films in New Mexico. It’s not fair to her to try and win her back when I’m leaving again. What if I just fall back into the same habits?”

“I don’t think you would be stupid enough to do that to her twice. Get your shit together Ackles, because you hurt her again, Jared will kick your ass. But that’s nothing compared to what I will do.”

She leaves him with that, walks into the living room to pick up a sleeping Tom. Jensen holds the front door open, and moves the car seat back to her car, all the while replaying what was said. Could he try and win her back? Does he wait until he’ll be around more? Is Gen wrong and it’s already too late? Does he even deserve to?

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 13

Tags

SPNForevers- @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @deanwanddamons @emoryhemsworth @atc74 @sandlee44 @akshi8278 @fantasydevil2002 @writercole @440mxs-wife @nervousfandom @lunarmoon8 @thoughts-and-funnies @downanddirtydean @katelyn--renee @that-one-gay-girl @lyarr24 @pineapleavocado @siospins2 @deans-spinster-witch @ariesbabe1993 @graciebear73 @stixnstripesworld @spnbaby-67 @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @charmed-asylum @winchestergirl2 @jawritter @hobby27 @amyzombie1013 @sexyvixen7 @leigh70 @krazykelly @nancymcl @candy-coated-misery0731 @kmc1989 @supraveng

WIAFA Masterlist

@woodworthti666 @spnfamily-j2 @stoneyggirl2 @creative-writing92 @kaz11283 @deans-baby-momma @let-me-luv-you @senjoritanana @itzabbyxx @djs8891 @tmb510 @perpetualabsurdity @mellyie @fiftyshadesgrl @jessicalynnann @prettyinplaid94 @itsdesiree86 @mrsfox79 @backseat-of-deans-67chevy @jamerlynn @jessica-marsh09 @abaker74 @ladysparkles78 @monkey-d-hoshizora98

#supernatural #jensen ackles rpf #jensen ackles #jensen x female!reader #when it all falls apart #jensen ackles x reader

127 notes · View notes

deathbecomesthem · 7 months

Text

No Shelter 1

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x AFAB!Partner!Reader | 3.2K

Series Setting: 1999 Los Angeles - No Upside Down AU

Summary: You are Eddie Munson's partner of 12 years. You've been together through everything. You managed Corroded Coffin while they were establishing themselves. But who are you? When you look in the mirror, you only see yourself through Eddie's eyes.

This is a series about being lost in a relationship, and seeing if there's a way to find yourself without tearing it to pieces. This is also a story about being queer and very in the closet. (It's the 90s)

Warnings: Angst, drinking, breaking things in anger, secrets, Eddie will have sexual trysts in future installments that are not with the reader (not cheating), and allusions to smut in this chapter. (There will be more smut in future installments. I don't expect it to be overly explicit, but will use the appropriate warnings when I get to those parts.)

A/N: This is not your typical rockstar story, so be prepared to be disappointed if you're looking for immediate debauchery and cheating tropes. *This story has been posted on my other blog previously. I think it fits better in this space, so I'm moving it over to this corner. In short - I do what I want, and this is it.

---

It’s been creeping up for a while now. Possibly forever. It’s quiet and sneaky, somewhere very deep inside. Somewhere you’ve hidden it away, kept it out of the sunlight. You keep it in the deep and dark places. You keep it secret and safe. It thrives in the shadows, it gobbles up the light and good things. It feasts on the happy times. When you see him again after months apart. When his arms wrap around your body and hold you close. Those are the things that used to be a comfort. Used to feel like home. But that thing inside – dissatisfaction - has twisted your comfort. Made you realize your home isn’t built on a firm foundation, but on the moving sands. The tide’s rolling in, and the stilts under the floor are sagging. It won’t take much more than a stray wave for them to buckle. A loose bolt threatens the whole structure. The strong grip of Eddie’s hands, his need for this home to stay upright, is not enough to keep the walls from falling.

–

It’s Sunday night. Tomorrow he leaves again. This time for only 3 months. Only. There was a time when his absence for more than a couple of weeks would send you into a grief spiral. That was how it happened, how you became an essential member of the team. It was meant to keep you with the boys as much as possible, just some light personal assisting work. But then, it was suddenly so much more. You were the one that did the bookings. You were the one that made sure it was exactly how it should be, down to a case of Mountain Dew before the shows, and the case of PBR after, and every other detail in between. You hired costume designers. You talked to the lawyers. You made hotel reservations, and eating arrangements.

Hiring Terry last year was a nail in the coffin. The first nail. Eddie didn’t understand why, after this many years, you needed to step down. He didn’t understand why you couldn’t give him a reason, any reason, for abandoning the band. Your argument, if you could call it that, was that you weren’t abandoning them but you were putting them in the hands of a professional. Besides, you had your own project on the horizon. In the way that Eddie does things, he pouted and then accepted. He came to grudging terms, and then it was all fine suddenly. You knew why. He loves you, and he needs you, not as the band’s manager, but as his one and only. His paramour. His light. His life. His home. His everything. His.

You stand in the small bathroom that sits adjacent to the master bedroom of your modest home. Modest for a rock star, extravagant for a couple of kids from a trailer park in the middle of Indiana. You look at your face. It’s not the lines at your eyes and around your mouth that set you on edge. It’s not the way that your once firm skin looks a little looser than it did when Eddie first cupped your cheek and told you how beautiful you are. It’s the way you can’t see yourself in the reflection. The mirror reflects a face you do not know. It’s something behind the eyes. You think if you could get close enough to the glass, you might be able to see a different set of eyes peering out from the pupils that face you in this reflection. That’s not me, you say out loud, but inside your mind. You want to scream it. You want to throw your ornate metal hairbrush and watch the glass crack into a hundred pieces. You want to scatter that wrong face all over the basin in front of you.

You won’t scream, because Eddie is in the bedroom. He’s laying under the quilt that you had specially made for him by a seamstress in New York. It’s macabre and matches the drapes that have been dyed to appear to have blood stains splattered across them. It was fun at the time, but now the theme sets your teeth on edge. Eddie is completely satisfied in his space, his readers sit on the end of his nose. That nose that you’ve loved so well. You’ve kissed the tip of it thousands of times while gazing into his beautiful eyes. Those eyes that you’ve looked into while reaching the highest peaks of pleasure, and the deepest trenches of grief. You know him. Every piece of him, and you love him.

Why isn’t it enough anymore?

Dissatisfaction. It’s the word that swims in your mind when you wake in the morning and when you lay your head on the pillow to sleep at night. The soft silk fabric against your skin offers no real comfort. The big bed, the one you purchased after months of looking for the perfect one, does not hold you like it used to. The warmth of your man next to you, the low hum of his breathing, the whispers he sighs while his mind sleeps do not light you up. They do not make you feel held and safe. They make you feel trapped. They make you feel alone.

His arms used to be your comfort, but now they feel like a cage. Maybe they always have been. Maybe you’ve grown to resent the prison you placed yourself in all of those years ago. You resent the way he needs you. How can he need a thing that isn’t real? You touch the cool glass of the mirror and run the tip of a finger along the lines of your features. Who is she? Who is this person? Is she anything more than what she can offer to him? Has she ever been?

“Terry called while you were still in bed, told him you’d call him as soon as you got up.” You tell Eddie as his slow-moving form moves to your end of the kitchen. You’re pouring coffee into a travel mug, while his arms travel around your waist. His nose finds its favorite place, the crook of your neck. You feel the air move against your skin as he breathes you in. This is what he does every morning that you’re together, he holds you like this. In this moment, he is home. He is safe. He is loved.

“I don’t give a fuck about Terry right now. Where you goin’, sugar? You leavin’ me?” Eddie’s gravelly voice is spoken directly through the skin of your shoulder. He’s leaving again tomorrow for the second leg of the tour. You know that’s why he’s extra clingy, why he’s holding you too tight. Why his lips are traveling along your collarbone in that way that makes your knees buckle.

“I have an appointment, baby. I’m sorry. We’ll have dinner tonight, ok?” You keep your voice airy. You give his wrists a squeeze and a gentle rub of your thumb before working your way out of his hands. You turn your face to him, rest your forehead on his chest and search for any bit of comfort that can offer you. It’s hollow for you, but it means something to him.

“I can go with you, if you want.” Eddie’s voice has a hint of a plea, a need.

“No, you call Terry back. You’re leaving tomorrow. I’ll be home later, baby. I promise. I love you, Ed.” These words are true, and you reassure him by looking into his eyes. You place your hand on his cheek and let him rest there for a moment before pulling away and grabbing your bag and coffee. You leave Eddie, your baby boy, in the middle of the kitchen of your shared home as you walk out the front door.

You have no appointment today. The sun shines on you as you step into the day. It’s bright already and sweat begins to form in the crease of your elbows and knees before you even make it to the front door of your car. The Corvette was a Christmas gift, something that suits the weather of your current home any time of the year. If you were still in Indiana, it would be even more ridiculous than it already is to own something like this. The house is modest compared to the cars and bikes the two of you own, most of which sit in a garage outside of town that rarely gets visited. The Corvette is yours, and you think about how you’ll go about keeping it if – if what, exactly? If things change, maybe keeping the Corvette will be that last of your worries.

You let the fantasies run riot through your head while you let the tires spin through the hills, taking turns like a dream. Eddie decides to start fucking one of his groupies – no, that thought is like a shot through the heart. Eddie tells you he wants a break – best case scenario that will never happen. You tell him the truth – how can you tell him the truth when you don’t know what the truth is?

You think about sitting down with Eddie, your best friend and lover of over a decade, and telling him that you’ve started renting a studio apartment in the arts district. That when he’s on tour, you leave the big house, and never step foot in it again until he returns. That your skin looks wrong on your body. That his embrace brings no comfort anymore. That you, Eddie’s home, has an infestation of resentment, and it’s threatening to crumble at any moment.

It’s been worse lately, since Eddie and Terry have started fighting. Whispers between Eddie and Jeff about reinstating you as an interim manager if they fire Terry have put you right on the edge of a breakdown. You’ve done your time for them, and you love them all, but you’re done taking care of their shit. Except. Except that you’re not done taking care of their shit. That’s what you do, and it’s what you’ve done for so long. Saying no feels like abandonment. And that’s how he’ll see it, not Jeff, not Gareth, but Eddie. Eddie will feel abandoned. The others will understand. You’re not their home. They don’t need you in the same way Eddie does, as his shelter.

You pull your car into the parking garage attached to the building that butts against the studio. You park in your spot, $50 a month. You walk up to the elevator and make your way to the top floor. You use your key, the one you keep on the keychain in the zipper pocket of your purse and open the door of your place - $900 a month. You walk into the living room where a couch - $300 – sits next to a high-end stereo system - $1,200. You walk to the small desk in the corner facing the windows and turn on the iMac - $1,300. The rest of the space is empty. The couch is where you sleep when you stay here. The kitchen has a refrigerator and a microwave, no other appliances come with the unit. An oven is on your list of things to get, but it can wait. It’s not that you don’t have the money. The money hasn’t been an issue for a long time now.

Every purchase feels like a betrayal. The bank account, secretly opened months ago, is something that no one knows about. You know that you probably don’t even need a secret account with your maiden name attached to it, Eddie never looks at the finances. He trusts you completely. You take care of these things, and there’s more than enough to go around. You can have anything you want. Well. You can have anything that money can buy. He would say that to you, and he would mean it. But this - this is not something he would ever consider.

You sit on the couch. You pick up the remote control and turn on the stereo. You hit play on the CD player and listen to the discs shuffle before the sound of Chris Cornell’s ethereal voice sings out to you from the speakers positioned around the room. You close your eyes and let yourself be in that place for a few moments before you begin the work you can only do alone.

Eddie Munson, frontman of Corroded Coffin, Playgirl centerfold, and recently guest hosted an episode of MTV’s Loveline (where his monologue about cunnilingus was so censored, the station had to cut it completely) cannot stop staring at his telephone. Is he angry? He doesn’t know. Mostly, he’s fucking terrified, but that idea doesn’t reach him. How can he be so sure about something, someone, and it’s not real? How can you, the only thing in the world that he truly knows and trusts, be false. If you’re not real, if you’re sneaking like this, then who is he? What does it mean?

It brings him no satisfaction to pick up that bulky piece of plastic and throw it against the wall. To watch broken pieces of plastic spray across the fine Persian rug that you purchased 3 years ago for $5,000. The cost of it is the first thing that moves across his mind while he looks at the thing. And he wonders, has he not always given you everything you could have ever dreamed of? Has he not held you tightly in his arms and loved you with every piece of him? Has he not sung songs about your beauty in front of thousands of people for years and years and years?

Yes, he has. And yet, you do this. The pain is intense, and it twists inside of him. He can’t allow that pain to take over, he can’t let it touch him. Not now. Not when he should be packing his shit. Not when he should have you here with him right now. You should be letting him drink you in, love you, cherish these rare moments of being together. Instead, you hide. He looks at the paper where he’s scribbled down the address. Terry told him about the apartment after checking in on some odd financial reports. Terry even hired a PI that specializes in this kind of research. Terry is a fucking prick, but Eddie knows now. He can at least give him that.

Eddie’s mind is flooded with thoughts as he moves through the house. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, he just knows there’s something. There’s a clue somewhere. What did he miss? There’s a thought that keeps floating to the surface of his brain that threatens to make him crumble completely. He keeps pushing it back, avoiding it. It hurts too much to think about. It can’t be that.

Is there someone else?

–

You stay in your apartment too long. The sun is hanging too low in the sky. The hands on your wrist watch tell you that it’s late enough, and your stomach growling tells you that you skipped both breakfast and lunch. Foolish. You consider calling in Chinese and snatching it up on the way home to share with Eddie, it’s his favorite, and you remember that the apartment doesn’t have a telephone hooked up yet. It’s one of the reasons you like it here so much - no one knows how to find you. You have a mobile in the glove box of the Corvette, but you never use it. Eddie has one too, but the both of you view the devices as obscene, only to be used in a severe emergency. Being a bad partner is not an emergency.

It’s so easy to get lost here. You moved all of your old things, your journals, your music, your letters, into the apartment the same week you signed the lease. The original idea was to have a space to dive into the past. Sophia had come to you with a proposal. She wants your memoir. A publisher is interested in the behind the scenes details of the life of Corroded Coffin’s former manager and current partner of Eddie Munson. They say they want your story. What they want, though, is the story of Eddie and the boys seen through the eyes of a bystander.

What you found when you dug into yourself, into your journals, your old songs, was a person you have forgotten. What you found was something you had well and truly lost along the way - yourself. There were things in those journals that show hopes and dreams that look nothing like the life you’re living. Your face in the mirror is a shade. A person living in the shadows of someone larger than life.

Eddie. Eddie “The Freak” Munson. Eddie Fingers. The man with the diamond tongue. Eddie Munson, who once spent a year in prison for murdering a cheerleader when he was 20 years old and a third year senior. His story is legendary. Your story is a thread within his finished piece.

Right now, you need to get back to him, because you said you would. Because he needs you. He’s leaving tomorrow. He’ll want to hold you close and tell you about how much he worships you. He wants to tell you that, without you, he’d be nothing. Less than nothing. He needs to let salty tears run down his cheeks while he’s inside of you, while he’s searching for his home. You’ll let him, and you’ll search that place between the two of you for some kind of comfort. You’ll tell him the truth, that you love him fiercely, that he’s everything, that no one in the world is like him.

And it will leave you feeling empty.

–

You power down the iMac that sits at the tiny desk in the corner of your apartment before clicking off the lights. It’s almost dark now, and you’re cursing yourself under your breath. He will surely have questions, so you begin to formulate a story. Maybe you ran into someone downtown and decided to get coffee. Yes, that will have to do, even if it’s thin. Eddie might think it strange, but he trusts you. He won’t think it’s a lie.

You slip your bare feet in the sandals you left by the big blue door at the entrance of your apartment. You check your bag, make sure you have the essentials, and unzip the inner pocket to bring out the secret apartment key. You unlatch the chain, you unbolt the lock, you turn the knob, and you see the world you know crumble apart.

“Eddie.” You manage to whisper out his name before the air is sucked out of your lungs. You can’t breathe. The smell of whiskey is coming off of him in waves, and you see dried blood on his knuckles. It’s a combination of sights and smells that you haven’t seen since that first year the two of you were together, and you feel your chest tightening.

The tide has finally reached its arms up into the sands of your beach, and you’ve been dragged under.

#eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x afab!reader #eddie munson x queer!reader #rockstar!eddie munson #eddie munson au

47 notes · View notes

jazzthatonewriterchick · 1 year

Text

Here, Kitty Kitty (18+ Fic)

Pairing: Aizawa x Black!Catgirl!Reader

Synopsis: In which you find yourself in the weirdest predicament after you’re scooped up and taken to a cat cafe after you decide to take the streets to fight some crime, and you’re adopted by your very anti-social and hot coworker Aizawa aka Eraserhead.

Story Warnings: Smutty smut, 18+ (MINORS GET AWAY), Swearing, Adult!Reader, Ear and Tail Stroking, Light Degradation, Spanking, Exhibitionism, Multiple Positions, Creampie, Unprotected PIV Sex, Facial, Scent Play, Collaring, Deepthroat, Cunnlingus, Begging, Edgeplay, Power Play, Rope Play/Shibari, Master Kink, Some Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Some Action

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer’s Note: Just came down off a stomach virus. Lemme tell you...whoever had this virus first in Philly, FUCK YOU!! Enjoy the chapter! -Jazz

Read on AO3 here!

Other Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty-Two. Twenty-Three. Twenty-Four. Twenty-Five.

*************

TWO.

Aizawa has always had trouble sleeping.

Whether it be because of stress over his students, haunted memories of villain attacks, or the memory of his beloved childhood friend Oboro.

But tonight, and for the past few nights since September when the school year began, his sleep troubles can be contributed to you and your damn cute ass self.

“Fuck,” he grumbles, practically slamming his hand down on his phone to stop the sound of ocean waves.

This usually does wonders to help him sleep, but all he’s been envisioning since he laid his head down to sleep hours ago is fucking you on an island, your luscious thighs spread and cute little tummy exposed as his dick strokes the inside of your wet, tight, utterly amazing pussy, your cute little ears and tail twitching as he strokes those with his hands, making you dumb with the pleasure.

“Fuck!” He growls, frustrated. He sits up in his bed, soaked in sweat despite the cool spring air coming through the window to his apartment. He looks at the clock: 12:23 AM. At this rate, he’ll be up until 6. Thank God it’s the weekend though.

But sleep is very important to Aizawa. He needs it to function, which is especially needed to deal with the public, his coworkers, and his snot-nosed students. He can’t do that if he’s here lying awake in bed, wondering why he’s still alone and not in your bed instead.

So what does he do when you’re running through his mind like this? He takes a walk.

He rises from his messy bed with the covers askew, clad in his briefs. He walks over to his clothes closet where he changes into a simple, black tracksuit. He doesn’t wear his usual jumpsuit for fear of dirtying it up, but he does pack his scarves and goggles since, as Mic put it, “a hero’s job is never done”.

After gathering his phone and keys, he meanders in his living room for a while, eyeing the closed bedroom door covered in painted pink flowers and cats that Mirio insisted on doing for his “little buddy” when they set up her bedroom. That was a year ago. How time flies when you’re a single dad, a professor, and a pro hero at the same time.

Aizawa smiles at the door before locking up his apartment and heading down the quiet hall to the elevator to take him downstairs. Once there, he swipes himself out with a key card given to all UA staff to get in and out of campus buildings and heads out into the quiet, spring night.

Before he heads off on his walk, he plugs his AirPods into his ears and chooses his R&B playlist. He begins nodding along to Troop’s “All I Do Is Think of You” as he begins to walk… probably not the right song choice because he instantly begins to think of you.

The campus is quiet. All are either asleep or out in the city, enjoying this nice Friday night. Spring is in full bloom, though the early chill is still in the air and the cherry blossoms that surround the area are still budding.

He walks along the walkway leading towards one of the many entrances to the UA campus, walking away from the apartment complex that houses many of UA’s teachers and staff.

Including you. He hasn’t seen you much around the building since you live on different floors and have such different schedules, but while in school, he runs into you in the elevator, stairwell, or hallway from time to time.

And each and every time, he’s dumbfounded by your attractiveness. His mouth waters every time he gets a look at your plump lips as they form the words “good morning” and your pretty, brown eyes he wants to stare into forever. Not to mention your gorgeous skin his fingers itch to feel, but not as much as they do your ears and tail that, unfortunately for him, go along with your quirk.

Goddamn, your ears and tail! He has to duck into empty classrooms every time he sees you down the hall because his hands start aching to stroke the adorable little things coated in fine, black fur.

His cock takes the worst of it though. It seems to have a mind of its own that you control. Every time he gets a glance at you in some cute little skirt with your ears relaxed as you sit in your office, he’s so tempted to find a nice, quiet place somewhere and bust several nuts at the thought of you…and he has.

At first, he wasn’t sure how he felt about you working here because of your cat quirk. Not because he disliked any person with an animal quirk (he isn't a prejudiced dick), but because you were so goddamn cute and knew he would never be able to focus. Throw in your compassion for the UA kids, your sweet and genuine personality, great taste in fashion, and your general niceness, and he’s ready to jump you.

He’s a fucking mess for you. Why the fuck did God or your parents’ genes have to make you so goddamn cute, pretty, and nice?

He’d never tell you any of this though. He knows logically, someone as pretty and as sweet as you would never return the same feelings to someone as awkward and as rough around the edges as him. You deserve someone who doesn’t scurry off when they see you and isn’t a complete introvert. Someone who doesn’t have secrets or a chip on their shoulder. You deserve so much better.

But fuck, does Aizawa want to be that “better”. He wants to be your man so bad, he can barely think straight. But that’s all it can be: want. Nothing more.

“Nothing more,” he whispers to himself, his breath fogging slightly in the chilled air.

As if validating the state of his complicated life, his phone begins to go off. He checks the caller ID, finding the number of the MPD aka the Musutafu Police Department hitting him up. Principal Nezu cut a deal with the chief a year ago for pro teachers to volunteer to do nightly patrols to clean up on street crime around campus and in the city. Aizawa volunteered since he’s got nothing else better to do.

Plus, kicking some ass certainly beats grading papers and stroking his dick nonstop to the thought of you. “You rang, chief?” he answers.

“Good, you picked up,” the chief sighs in relief. “Sorry to bother you so late. Were you sleep?” Aizawa nearly laughs. “Nope, you caught me at a good time. What’s up?”

The chief gives him the rundown: “We just got a report in from an overnight staff member about a robbery at the International Pro Hero Museum. According to him, there are four individuals in black jumpsuits and ski masks who broke into the place and took the overnight staff hostage. The one who put in the report managed to escape and called 911, but these individuals have their own quirks they’re using to their advantage to rob the place.”

“Did the staff member mention anything about what kind of quirks they have?” Aizawa asks, switching into gear. The wheels in his mind begin turning, already analyzing the situation.

The chief lets out another exasperated sigh, which is a no. “None at all, so just be careful, Eraserhead. We know you’re highly skilled in this department, but it doesn’t hurt to say it.”

Aizawa smirks to himself, already moving behind a building to change. “Thanks, but I think I’ve got this,” he chuckles. “I’ll be right there.” After hanging up, he immediately straps on his goggles and winds his scarves around his neck. Without another thought, he shoots one arm out and loops his scarf around a street lamp before latching on and leaping onto it.

He does this with every street lamp, traffic light, and building he sees, the world darkened by his goggles. He likes doing nighttime missions because he’s not noticed nearly as much as in daylight, but he gets the occasional “Hey, it’s Eraserhead!” yelled at him from a window or a car. He usually spares a wave or a nod, but this time, he’s too focused on his mission to pretend to like the attention.

He manages to make it to the museum quicker than he thought, but he doesn’t immediately act. He first crouches on the neighboring building, looking out at the museum. He doesn’t see a vehicle of any sort, which means the robbers came on foot. What he does see, however, is a broken window. At least they were smart to not try to break through the front door, meaning there is also an alarm that they probably disabled.

After analyzing the distance from the building he’s perched on to the museum, Aizawa wraps his scarf around a nearby tree and swings from the branch, like Tarzan. Then he latches himself onto the branch and, after securing his goggles, leaps from the tree and through the open window.

He lands perfectly on his knees, using a hand to steady himself on the ground into what Mic calls “a superhero landing”. He then asses his new environment: a dark storage room filled with dusty supplies, hero posters, and a group of museum staff gagged and bound against the wall. The hostages.

He quickly springs into action to help them, taking the makeshift rope and gags off of them. As he does, he looks down and finds tiny thorns in his gloves that protrude from the textured, green rope that tightly bound the hostages together. ‘Vines,’ he realizes.

“It’s Eraserhead!” one of the hostages shouts in glee. Another, wearing a janitor's uniform, hushes him.

“Hush, stupid!” he whispers harshly. “They might come back for us!” Aizawa helps each of them stand on their feet. “It’s alright, I’m here to help,” he calmly says. “How did you all get here?”

“Those four fuckers put us in here!” the janitor angrily replies. “I was just cleaning the floor in time for tomorrow’s shift and next thing I knew, I was being shoved to the ground and tied up in these damn vines.”

He kicks at the vines that lie on the ground. Aizawa stares at them questionably. “So one of them has a plant quirk,” he realizes. “Anybody know about the other three?”

Another hostage–a young security guard–steps forward. “One of them has webbed feet and can walk on walls,” he answers. “He jumped on my back and attacked me. Scared the shit outta me.” A sudden crash pierces the air, making the hostages freeze in fear. Aizawa quickly gears into action.

“Nobody move from this spot,” he orders firmly. “I’ll come back for all of you. The police are on their way.” Before anyone can say anything more, he is quickly leaving the storage room and slinking through the dark museum as quietly as possible.

Each room he stalks through is dedicated to its own hero according to each part of the world as well as dark and empty. Nothing seems out of place until he makes it to the front of the museum where he finds broken glass littering the tiled floors. Warning signals blare in his head, his body warm with adrenaline as he carefully walks on the glass, using the fox walk technique.

His eyes trail over the glass to the broken case of All Might’s first hero outfit. Obviously, the robbers were trying to snatch it. What he doesn’t expect is to see three of them tied together near the door, back to back and unconscious. “What the fuck?” he whispers in bewilderment.

He gets a little closer and inspects the work: they are wrapped in one of the robber’s own vines with bruises and black eyes ruining their faces and slight tears in their black clothes. Someone seriously fucked these guys up. ‘But who?’ he thinks, confused. ‘Who the hell was here before me?’

He suddenly freezes, sensing something. Something that feels like danger according to his twirling gut.

With a deep inhale, he shoots his hand out to the right, earning a strangled gasp in response. He turns, finding a kid with unruly, burgundy hair and black clothes in his grasp, his bare, webbed feet dangling like a rag doll.

He gives Aizawa a toothy grin. “Eraserhead,” he croons. “I should’ve known you bein’ an old fart wouldn’t have fucked with your sense of hearing.”

Aizawa glares at the kid. “First of all, I’m thirty-one,” he deadpans. “Second, what are you doin’ with these fools? Shouldn’t you be at home sleep, kid?”

The kid’s wolfish grin drops, replaced with a look of rage. “Don’t call me that!” he snarls, wriggling around in Aizawa’s tight hold. “I’m not a fuckin’ kid! And I do what I want!”

Aizawa tightens his grip on the kid. “Jeez, anger issues much?” he huffs. “Something tells me your dad never spanked you when you were younger.” He tries to get a look at the kid’s face, preparing to wipe his quirk for a few hours so he’s easier to handle.

The kid surprises him by looking right at him suddenly. “What, you gonna do it for me?” he taunts before giving him a smile. “You could try!”

Suddenly, he pulls out a canister ball and slams it against the ground, causing a burst of smoke to explode from it. Aizawa drops the kid and begins to cough as the smoke fills his lung, his vision now obscured by the fog. He tries to look for the kid, tapping into his senses to find him. When the smoke finally clears, the kid is gone.

“Hey, old man!” someone shouts from the ceiling. Aizawa looks up and finds the kid hanging from the ceiling with his webbed feet. “Shit!” he growls, but he’s not quick enough. The kid jumps from the ceiling with a shout and lands on Aizawa’s shoulders.

“Perfect distraction,” he snickers. “Now you can say this “kid” is the reason to meet your end. Goodnight, Eraserhead.” Before Aizawa can try to rip him off, the kid wraps his arms and legs around his neck and begins to squeeze hard. Suddenly, Aizawa can’t breathe. He grunts, trying in vain to rip the kid off of him, but he has a fucking koala grip on him.

‘Air,’ Aizawa thinks. ‘I…need…air!’ He drops to his knees, desperate to get some air in his burning lungs.

But the kid just keeps on squeezing, desperate to kill the pro. Aizawa can feel his eyes fluttering shut, the darkness beginning to eat at his vision.

Suddenly, the strangling sensation stops and the kid lets out a grunt as he falls from Aizawa’s back. Aizawa sputters and coughs, gulping down as much air as possible. “That could’ve ended very badly,” an unfamiliar voice says behind him.

He turns, finding someone equally as unfamiliar to him. She stands above the now-unconscious kid, an All Might paperweight from the museum’s gift shop in her hand.

Aizawa’s eyes trail over her form, beginning at her black knee-high boots to her black bodysuit, the leather and slashes of glittered silver glinting in the flashing lights overhead. The black mask she wears over her head obscures the top half of her face from him, only showing him her nose and her glossy, plump lips where he just sees two fangs jutting out. Her braids hang at her waist where her hands are, placed confidently on her hips. Aizawa notices the same glittering, claw-like slashes there too along with some across her thighs he knows could crush someone’s head.

He wouldn’t mind being in between them himself.

He continues to gape at her for a moment, wondering where the fuck she came from. “You alright?” she asks, concern in her voice. She puts a gloved hand out to him where he can see long, makeshift claws attached to the tips of her fingers. Snapping back to reality, he refuses her hand.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles, standing. “Who the fuck are you?”

The stranger blinks at him with those yellow, feline-like eyes. “Well, nice to meet you too,” she scoffs. “I thought you would’ve already seen me in the newspapers, but I suppose cameras can only work so well in the dark.” She juts a hand out, giving him a fanged smile. “Night Claw. Nice to meet you, Eraserhead.”

Aizawa blinks at her. Her name sounds familiar to him. “You know me?” he questions, raising a brow at her. Night Claw giggles, moving her braids behind her shoulder. “You’re kiddin’, right? Anyone who’s anyone knows you.”

His eyes trail up to her mask, noticing the two pointed ears poking out of it. Now he knows why her name sounded so familiar. “I know you too,” he says, earning a wide-eyed stare from her. “You’re the new vigilante who’s been going around at night fighting street crime. I’ve seen your name pop up on Twitter.”

Night Claw grins with pride. “I’m her, exactly,” she chirps. “I was around, so I figured I’d stroll the streets. Then I came across the museum and saw them tryna make a hustle out of a steal.” She nods at the kid and his three partners. “The hostages okay?” she asks worriedly. “I couldn’t get to ‘em fast enough. Needed to make sure these dumbfucks didn’t steal nothin’ else.”

“Yeah,” he grumbles, still sizing her up. Who is this girl? Where did she come from? “You know, I would’ve handled that myself. And them.” He nods at the robbers.

Night Claw just laughs, irritating him. “Oh, yeah,” she replies sarcastically, “‘cause it looked like you were doin’ a great job, to begin with. Ya know, being that I saved your narrow behind, I think I’m deserving of a thank you.” She crosses her arms over her ample chest that Aizawa has to force himself to look away from.

Aizawa clenches his fists, feeling incredibly pissed that she’s mocking him and that she ruined his mission. This was his arrest, not hers. And he certainly didn’t need any help from someone who isn’t even an official hero. He despises nothing more than people who feel like just because they have quirks, they have every right to become a hero without putting in the blood, sweat, and tears to do so.

But he doesn’t say all that. He only looks at the bright-eyed vigilante and sucks his teeth at her. “You’re not gettin’ one,” he growls. “And my ass isn’t narrow.”

Night Claw just smiles at him, almost taunting him. “I’m guessin’ you don’t have a license for this?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets. Night Claw’s smile doesn’t falter. “A girl never tells her secrets,” she hums, which he takes as a no.

“You know, I have every reason to take you into custody and hand you over to the cops for impersonating a hero,” he cooly states, fixing the vigilante with a hard stare. But even with the possibility of going to jail, Night Claw’s confidence never wavers.

She instead raises her chin and looks at him through the eye slits of her mask. “Are you though?” she purrs.

The air around them grows tense and thicker than fog. Before either of them can say anything more, the sound of police sirens begins to fill the air. Night Claw looks startled all of the sudden, but quickly bounces back and gives Aizawa a playful smile. “Guess that’s my cue to leave,” she announces briskly. “They’re all yours.”

Aizawa watches in silence as the vigilante turns towards the front doors of the museum, her ass looking way too good in her bodysuit. As if forcing him to be a good person, his throat burns from the kid’s attempt on his life. “Hey, Night Claw,” he says in his deep, baritone voice.

Night Claw stops and turns to him, the moonlight illuminating her skin and braids, making them appear like twined silver. Aizawa swallows down the strange lump in his throat at the sight of her. “Nice boots,” he mutters.

She gives him a joyful smile. “You’re welcome,” she giggles. “I’ll be seein’ you around, Eraser.”

Then, without another word, she struts out of the museum and into the darkness, leaving Eraserhead alone, confused, and very, very aroused.

#shouta aizawa #shoutaaa #smutty smut #my fic shit #my works #here kitty kitty #bnha smut #black coded reader #black fanfic writer #black writers #aizawa x black!reader #shouta aizawa x black!reader

197 notes · View notes

octuscle · 11 months

Note

Working everyday sucks. I mean is this the life we dreamt of when we were young? I mean I had the choice between knowledge and sports. I chose the academic way but there are days I wish for another chance to decide. Working with my body instead of my brain would be cool. Is there a Chronivac program to solve this problem?

Dude, I understand you so well. I mean, you're in-house counsel at your company, 48 years old…. Got 20 more years to work. The peak of your career is probably right now. Damn it! If you would have made the right decision at the right time… I'll choose the setting "Become younger with simultaneous modification of the past". Means in clear language, you become now each hour a year younger. And at the same time you have dedicated yourself one year more to a career as an athlete. Whether you end up as a gold medal winner, Formula 1 champion or coach of a soccer team in the district league, I can't tell you yet. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Friday morning, 6:00 a.m. At this time you feel like an old man. Your back has been better. But trust me, in a few minutes you will feel better. Your mind is already off the weekly meeting in the shower. They're on the runs you're planning for the weekend. By the time you sit down to breakfast at 7:00 a.m. (raw vegetables, sugar-free muesli, low-fat quark), you already feel considerably fitter. You sold your car a year ago. Your new bike was almost as expensive. And now you ride it to the office like every morning.

09:00 a.m., weekly meeting of the department heads. Since you've been doing more sports, you love Casual Friday. Your tight suit pants fit snugly and your rolled-up arms show off your tanned, wiry forearms. Three years of hard training are having an effect. It's certainly helped your career, too. Most of the other department heads are not only fatter than you, they are also much older.

The morning goes well, at lunchtime you can convince your colleagues to have sushi. Normally, they always go out for schnitzel at the brewery on Fridays. Then you would have had to take a salad again. And a non-alcoholic beer. Okay, that would have worked, too. But in the meantime it causes you physical pain to watch how some people maltreat their bodies. As you brush your teeth in the office after lunch, you grin very contentedly in the mirror. You are now 40 years old. But as a rule, everyone thinks you're younger. Triathlon and soccer have gotten you out of your post-college slump over the past eight years. And now you're the departmental Adonis. One of the youngest department heads in the entire group. And an absolute winning smile!

The building empties out at 3:00 pm. But you don't just give your all in sports. When you shut down the computer at 6:00 p.m., all the e-mails have been processed. Yes, you are considered an absolute nerd. And you are. Ever since you graduated with your bachelor's degree 12 years ago, you've been working hard. In sports as well as in your job. Your promotion is only a matter of time. But that doesn't matter. You hang up your suit in your closet, stuff your shirt, shoes and knee socks into your backpack, put on your racing bike outfit and start cycling. You'd like to do another 100 kilometers tonight. Two and a half hours would be a good time… Sometime between 20:00 o'clock and 21:00 o'clock it makes click. You almost lost control of the bike. You are now just under 24 years old. And after graduating from high school, you decided to become a carpenter. The alternative would have been to study law. Like your father, like your grandmother, like your brother. But even though you weren't particularly talented at handicrafts, you wanted to do something completely different. Something physical. And fuck, that was the right decision. Today, at 33, you have your own business, plenty of time for sports, and certainly a much more relaxed life than your brother….

Now the changes come one after the other. The beginning of the transformation quickly reaches your 17th and 16th birthday. And the younger you are at the time of onset, the more serious the effects.

At 11:00 p.m. you lie in bed showered. It was a hard day. But you love your job. In the past, you would have dreamed of a different life. When you started playing soccer at the age of 14, you were already too old for the big career. Well, you were active in the second Bundesliga for a while. But now, as a physiotherapist and fitness trainer at a first league club, you're not dissatisfied. It pays pretty good money. And a bit of the boys' glamour falls on you, too. At least you get around a lot… You fall asleep at the thought.

Alarm clock rings like every day at 06:00 o'clock. You don't give a shit that it's Saturday. Could also be Sunday or Christmas. Drink a liter of water to detox, then run ten kilometers. At 07:30 your physiotherapist comes to the hotel room, 08:30 breakfast with the team. Kickoff for the soccer game is today at 8:30 p.m. Until then, light training, a yoga session and coaching with your social media consultant are scheduled.

Let the haters make fun of the soccer millionaires. You've been fighting for your career since your foot first touched a ball. And you work a hell of a lot harder for success than any armchair farter who studied business, law or mechanical engineering. And that's why you will win today!

#male tf #muscle tf #reality change #chronivac #age reduction #male transformation #muscle transformation

98 notes · View notes

chipthekeeper · 11 months

Text

Ranking Velcinta moments by how insane they make me feel, a(n overly) comprehensive list

As promised, here's my way too detailed ranking of all 18-ish of their moments. This (predictably) got obnoxiously long toward the end, so venture under the cut if you actually care and/or don't mind a lot of scrolling.

18. Valley One (Ep. 6)

I'm relatively sane about this. Except when I think about how they probably slept in that little hut the night before. Also when I think about how this is one of the very few shots in which they're both visible and (relatively) in focus.

17. "No farewells tonight." (Ep. 5)

Mostly was insane about this when the episode first came out and I was SO. FUCKING. WORRIED. that they were gonna die in the next one.

16. "What are they doing?" (Ep. 5)

Girlfriends who scowl together stay together (please Tony Gilroy I'm begging you).

15. Feeding the dray (Ep. 5)

The fact that Cinta is smiling here is what makes me most crazy. Also I just adore this flash of simple domesticity with them. Ahh, what could have been....

14. "Have you heard from Cinta?" (Ep. 7)

Vel not being able to look Kleya in the eye when she asks about Cinta makes me crazy mostly for the whole "Vel/Kleya exes" plot but of course this whole part had me jumping out of my seat on first watch.

13. "The rebellion comes first. We take what's left." (Ep. 9)

VEL FINDING STRENGTH IN CINTA'S WORDS AND USING THEM TO HELP MON WITH HER DOUBTS TOO I'M !!!!!

(went all-caps way before I thought I would, maybe this one should be higher....)

12. Into the smoke (Ep. 12)

She looks so worried when Cinta isn't where she's supposed to be and then she sprints INTO the melee while everyone else is running AWAY. I'M NOT FINE!!!!

11. At the campfire (Ep. 4)

I swear to y'all that the first time I watched this episode and saw them sitting so close I was like "oh. hey" fully intending to ship them even if that was literally all we got. And then holy fucking shit we got everything I was too afraid to ask for. So this moment always has a special place in my heart.

10. "What's she doing?" (Ep. 4)

It. Makes. Me. CRAZY. That the first time they share a scene together, they're literally always in the same frame.

CRAZY.

Like....they've been connected from the VERY beginning, even if the show revealed them being together rather slowly. Also it's everything to me that the first time we see Cinta it's Taramyn asking her what Vel is up to bringing a new guy in. Because if anyone would know, it would be her.

9. "Stay focused, Clem." (Ep. 5)

All of the territorial Vel stuff is great to me but I especially love this moment. First of all Cinta's little smirk. And also it's just so....idk it's a quiet moment of contemplation and probably anxiety but we can't not take a second to tell Clem to back off.

I'm combining this with the "you can dress yourself" bit too because that moment just makes me laugh with how Vel's always in the background watching and then immediately jumps up to give Clem the business and use his scuffle with Skeen as an excuse to mark her territory.

8. "Closet?" "Empty." (Ep. 12)

That bit of dialogue made my gay little self so happy and then they went and did the whole "that's blood" "it's not mine" thing and I'll never recover. Vel being so concerned that she won't even let Cinta keep packing, but then at the very end she's a little impressed/turned on??? 10/10 no notes. (okay I have one note and that's "you're really just going to leave me hanging like that for two years?????" but that's a different post)

7. "Get down!" (Ep. 6)

Truly one of my favorite scenes in the whole show is when Vel almost loses her shit at the top of the dam. The tension is insane, her fear is PALPABLE, and I absolutely love that it's Cinta just calling her out for stalling and then yelling at her that breaks her out of it.

But the thing that makes me feel most crazy about this scene is this:

Someone please explain to me WHY Cinta makes the jump while looking directly at Vel. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. Or else I will just continue to believe it's because part of her is scared up there too and looking at Vel is what helps her take the leap. That is a crazy thought -- I'm pretty sure she's fine -- but if it's not that then I don't get why she's even facing that way??

6. This (Ep. 8)

THE MUSIC. THE FADE. THE SORROW. I like literally can't even talk about this one. But it does make me feel a lot how obvious it is that Vel's thoughts are soooooooooo far from the fight here:

While at the same time there's not a thought in Cinta's head about her:

Breaks my fucking heart.

5. "No. She didn't tell me." (Ep. 5)

Whew. This moment. For a while I was mostly happy about this moment because it was just one more piece of evidence that they were together before that was fully confirmed.

But then my headcanon brain took over while I was writing my multichapter fic and it has been fucking me up ever since. Because I'm always going to wonder if all their drama was always going to happen the way it did or if Vel betraying Cinta's trust as a partner was some kind of breaking point.

Is that probably just me? Yes. Does it matter? Not to this ranking.

4. "She's already sharin' a blanket if that's what you're wonderin'." (Ep. 5)

I was!!! I was wonderin'!!!!! And I will forever use this phrase as a euphemism for being a lesbian.

What I would not give........to experience this line and this shot for the first time again. Or at least know what I sounded like giving a joyous shout.

3. "Tell me you'll be alright." (Ep. 6)

This is the one that I would probably sound the most insane trying to talk about out loud. It would be a lot of me like verbally keysmashing and somehow going "!!!!!!" out loud.

The hand-hold that saved my life? The EMOTION in their eyes when they look at each other??? Vel starting to go in for the goodbye kiss right in front of the hostages' salad but then just not????????

Fuck.

FUCK!!!!!!!

2. "Come away from the window." (Ep. 12)

I have to start by talking about Vel's cute little sad grin in this scene when she's like "nice to see you too" and Cinta like glares back at her. That made me feel crazy enough but then this whole scene that I want to say I can't even put into words even though I have in fact already done it.

The desperation on Vel's part is what kills me. Not that she's desperate for attention or love or whatever people always try to pin on her here (and of course it is that to some degree) but that she's desperate to keep Cinta from losing herself. She's so desperate but all she can do is ask. All she can do is hope Cinta will turn around and take a break. And she does.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS AFTER THAT TONY GILROY?!

I have never screamed so loud about a scene just ending.

Whatever, it gave me something to write and I enjoyed doing that.

1. "You love me because I show you what you need to see." (Ep. 8)

And here we are. The scene that has taken up space in my brain more than any other single thing since I saw it. I've been over it so many times. Watching and taking notes, staring at the gifs, studying the screencaps, trying to wrap my head around every little line and gesture and movement and emotion. I've spent hours on it, and I still find myself coming back to think about it and wondering if I've truly understood it all.

Just getting them reunited after Aldhani was such a relief (even though it was jarring at first to just see Cinta and be like "how the fuck did you get here?"). But then the conversation just knocked me on my ass.

"Haven't we been apart long enough?" YES YOU HAVE!!

"We take what's left." NOOOO TAKE IT ALL

"That's cold...even for you." Stabbing me in the face would be less painful.

And then...hearing the words "you love me" from one woman to another woman in a Star Wars show....not a book, not a comic...a show. Truly meant everything to me. I was so fucking happy to hear those words that I couldn't even process how goddamn sad the rest of it was until later. Once I did I had a stomachache for an entire week. I have one again right now.

And then it ends with the most fucking beautiful hand-hold and yet another tiny look that makes me feel crazy in and of itself (which I've done a whole post on by itself), and despite my broken heart I have hope.

If I am ever able to watch this scene and not feel seventeen emotions at once, it's over for me.

Easy number one.

#yeah this is a truly ridiculous post #i'm sorry #and it will rightfully get a total of 3 notes #but honestly i'm satisfied with it even just as a collection of all their moments #ps fuck you tumblr for having a 30 image limit lmao #jk but really if you're responsible and use a read more you should be allowed more than that #anyway don't block me pls #velcinta #vel sartha #cinta kaz #andor #after this i may have to amend my favorite episode ranking #and put 5 above 6 #which i've been thinking about doing anyway so this is probably the sign i needed #my posts #bookmarks

129 notes · View notes

melodygatesauthor · 9 months

Text

Okay guys, I can't believe it's been a full year since I published the first chapter of my first fanfiction story and I'm still going strong today. - (Side note...it was actually yesterday but I wanted to get all my fics posted to AO3 so I could get an accurate word count and tell you all what I've done so...it took me an extra day)

This is going to be a really long post, and I thank everyone in advance for reading all the way through if you make it. I'm taking a moment to allow myself to talk about my accomplishments over the last year, my goals for this next year, and gas myself up just a bit. As an artist, it's really hard to talk about myself in a positive light without being critical, but I'm going to do it anyway. No one asked, but this is one of the ways I wanna celebrate my ficversary so...I'm gonna do it lol.

My First Fanfic Ever

I'd like to start by sharing my beginnings with writing. If I really think back to the very first fanfiction I wrote, I thought it was a Gorillaz fic (which I still have a handwritten copy of in my closet lol), but it wasn't. I think the very first fanfic I wrote technically was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic when I was 11. I didn't even realize that's what it was, I just knew that I was SO into POTC that I wanted to write about it. It had just come out by the way, so I'm really dating myself. This was...2003.

We had this thing we had to do for school, it was like a writing assignment or something, one of those big ones that they gave you, a standardized whatever. I managed to find a way to spin it into a POTC related thing and I went OFF writing this story. It had its own twists and turns unrelated to POTC, but it was a fanfic through and through.

The Beginning of My Fan Art

When I was 12 I started listening to Good Charlotte, to a point that it was my entire personality. Everyone who knew me, knew I loved them. Every fucking art project I had in middle school (7th and 8th grade) was revolved around this band, particularly Joel Madden.

My love for them has come and gone, but I still remember how I felt at the time (not unlike how I feel toward Oscar Isaac now lol). I mean my art teacher literally had to be like "I want you to branch out, you can't make everything about them." And as an adult, I'm wondering -why the fuck not but- ...I digress.

The First Fanfic I Ever "Published"

When I was 12 (or maybe closer to 13), I became OBSESSED with the Gorillaz. When I say obsessed I mean...I listened to the album Demon Days on repeat until it fucking broke. I changed my G's when I would write by hand to match the G in their logo. I made tons of fan art and it was a damn vibe. This was the first time I really discovered fanfiction and learned what it was.

I remember reading one fanfic from some girl on this website (I'm really dating myself here, some of you will know what site this is...) Quizilla. Quizilla was THE site at the time (other than LiveJournal I think, but I never used LiveJournal and didn't know it existed at the time) for fanfiction and what you would now call "buzzfeed quizzes". This girl's writing inspired me to write my own fanfic, which I handwrote and kept in a green folder which, as I said, I still have to this day sitting in my closet.

My very first fic, and yes at 13, included some romance, some non-con (don't fucking ask me why idk even how I knew about that at 13. I was never exposed to this type of thing as a child fortunately) and other nonsense. I published it on this site, and it made me really happy. I don't remember if anyone ever read it or not tbh, but it will forever hold a place in my heart <3

My Best Friend/Emo Era

I met my best friend in high school when I was about 14. She and I are still close to this day. Not as close, but I can still tell her my most unhinged thoughts and she loves me regardless. We met because we both wrote fanfiction and lost our minds over the fact that we did. Thus started my emo era.

She was into My Chemical Romance, and I was into The Used. 2005 was a time lol. The two of us had either a binder or a composition notebook where we'd handwrite our fics and pass them back and forth between classes. I still have the ones I wrote tucked away in my house. When we'd read them she and I would leave little notes in the margins like we all leave comments today.

Most of these fics never got published, they were just for us to enjoy. I did, however, publish a fic when I was about 15, that I wrote to completion. Quizilla ended up going down, and most of us moved to Mibba.com instead, which is still a website.

Edit: I looked at Mibba, and it looks like the website is still there, but you can't search for anything, so Mibba is gone too. Not gonna lie, broke my nostalgic heart just a bit to see...Some fics I wrote on there will be gone forever. Maybe for the best, but it's still kinda sad.

The Avenged Sevenfold Era

When I tell you that Avenged Sevenfold has been my favorite band since I was 15, I'm dead ass. Are they the best band ever? Not by a long shot, but damn the way I still lose my shit over them is unhinged. Anyone who was around during this time fucking knows...they were fucking HOT. Matt Shadows really had the bulky but not shredded body type going on, they all kinda did, and I'm so here for it.

Why I'll never post any of the fics I wrote during this time, even if I get my hands on them...

I wrote them when I was 15, and I was writing about things 15 year olds shouldn't write about.

You don't know cringe until you've read those fics.

It's about real people and I'm not a fan of rpf anymore. I'm all for writing whatever you want and fiction being fiction but there's something that gives me the ick about real people fiction. No offense to anyone who writes it, that's just my feelings.

The way these guys had a hold on me for the next 5 years was ridiculous. I wrote about them a lot, by hand, on my laptop, however I could. I had so many unhinged ideas and stories it's insane. I loved every minute of it, and I always look back on this as my true start into fanfiction.

The End of an Era

All good things come to an end. After graduation, my best friend and I stayed in touch, but grew apart. I went to college and continued writing fanfic. I was pursuing a major in graphic design with a minor in creative writing. I was convinced that even though I was writing fanfiction, I was going to write a book too and it would be a bestseller.

As time went on, probably when I was about 20 or 21, I kinda stopped writing fanfiction all together. My friend wasn't really writing it anymore, and the community around Avenged Sevenfold was slowing down. I was also in the middle of a breakup and it was a whole thing, so I kinda stopped writing around this time.

I'd also, unfortunately, felt like fanfiction was for kids/teens, so didn't feel the need to continue writing anymore. I didn't want to seem like a loser writing fanfiction in my twenties...so I didn't.

For the record, you're not a loser for writing fanfiction. It's a very valid artform and it's fun. We only live for so long, so enjoy it doing what makes you happy, period. I'll probably be writing in my 50s I fucking hope lol.

Anyway, at that time, that's how I felt. I now know it's bullshit to think that way. So fanfiction fizzled out for me, and I kinda moved on to other things.

My Not-fanfiction Era

What was I doing instead of writing? Going through an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, working on trying to build what I thought was the 'dream' (marriage, kids, a house, e.t.c.), working and playing video games.

Fortunately that relationship ended. After years of therapy (which he told me I needed because he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy lol), I grew the balls to finally tell him to fuck off and leave. It was the best decision I ever made, especially considering this was JUST before COVID hit. I shudder to this day thinking about the fact that I was almost stuck in a house with that freak during lockdown.

When that relationship ended I moved back to Maine to be with my family. I missed them and had spent basically my entire 20s in another state with some loser.

Back to Fanfiction - Kylo Ren Era

So how did I get back here? How did I get back into writing and creating fan art? The truth is, a switch literally flipped in my brain over this guy right here...

I mean...

The funny thing is, I wasn't SUPER into Star Wars before this. I liked it, I'd seen the sequel trilogy in theaters, but to me it was just a movie series. I was literally watching a Sam Collins video on YouTube where he made fun of a Kylo Ren cosplayer's thirst trap on TikTok and was like...oh that's actually kinda hot.

Thought nothing of it though, just moved on with my day...until I dreamt about him too. And then I felt this spark inside me that I couldn't shake. I literally was like...👀 something is happening here.

So I remembered this feeling from when I was a teen and recognized the impending obsession immediately. I actually googled "is fanfiction still relevant" and "is it ok to write fanfiction as an adult?"

The short answers are - yes - and - of course it is -. This was how I discovered the VERY popular Kylo Ren fic Fix Your Attitude by Kassanovella. I read it in a matter of a week, and in that time I started writing my own fic. I also rewatched ALL the Star Wars movies, and then continued rewatching the sequel trilogy on repeat just so I could get Kylo Ren's character down. I wanted to make sure I captured his voice and personality perfectly. - When I say I watched the sequel trilogy 20 times, it's not an exaggeration, I had it on constantly.-

The fic I wrote was called, Yes, Master

The first chapter of that fic was published on 09/05/2022 (one year ago today), and the last chapter was published on 10/14/2022 with a word count of 100,701. Not only is it the longest fic I've written of all the fics I've done, but it's the one I wrote the fastest. I was posting a chapter a day every day until it was finished. I mean...I literally went OFF on this story. I was so proud of it that I went to lulu.com and made myself a physical copy of it that I intend to read as part of this celebration I'm doing lol.

Wondering if anyone would be interested in me revamping this story (rewriting and updating it) and posting here? I would definitely do it if there was enough interest.

I then wrote a sequel called By Your Side which taught me SO MUCH. Here's what I learned when creating this sequel...

Not everything needs a sequel.

Writing a chapter a day isn't realistic.

I should've planned a full outline before diving into this fic.

I'm not into pregnancy fics/domestic fics all that much as far as longfics go.

It's okay to genuinely dislike something you've written and you should try to learn from that.

By Your Side is still to this day one of my least favorite fics (if not my LEAST favorite). I am still proud of myself for finishing it, (it sits at a hefty 85,599 words). I don't have to love it though. I'm just grateful for what I learned in the process of writing it and proud of myself for finishing it despite being sick of it by chapter 8 and still writing 20 chapters after that.

I also wrote my very first Yandere fic, Just You. It's a bit darker, in my opinion, than The Fractured Moon. This fic was a blast to write, and it felt very freeing to write something so disturbing. It was fun to just let myself get into a dark headspace without holding back and not feeling bad about it. It was more

The Rainbow Six Siege Era

During my time writing for Kylo, I went back to a video game I used to play a lot, Rainbow Six Siege. My Oscar Era bleeds into the Kylo and R6S era a little but I'll talk about that soon.

The Siege fandom was an interesting one...one that I'll probably not go back to much, though I may still write a little fic for it here and there as I feel inspired to. I won't dive too much into this as I know most of you are Oscar fans, but I'll mention my accomplishments here and the things I learned.

I wrote another novel-length fic for this fandom called The Recruit and the Hunter which has another 83,888 words. I actually LOVE this story, and still look back on it fondly. It was a fun one to write, and I really challenged myself to write less smut for it, and I succeeded. It focused heavily on the relationship that built between the main pairing and in my opinion it's one of my better slow-burns I've done.

Why did I leave this fandom?

Well, I'm not going to throw shade, I don't like doing that unless I have to, so I'll keep it brief. The long and the short of it is this...

The readers were getting EXTREMELY demanding. I have comments on RATH of people saying things like "I'm going to be upset if you don't give us a happy ending" and "there better be smut or I swear...". It can get really discouraging as a writer when people seem to say "I love your fic but I'll only continue to love it if you do xyz." It puts us in a dilemma, and makes it hard for us to find a balance between providing fan service, and doing what's fun for us to write. It definitely changed the outcome of RATH and I'm not happy that I gave in like that.

The requests I got were confusing and downright weird. I didn't do some of the really weird ones, and I'm not meaning to kink shame, but it was just very niche things that I couldn't get myself into. I think part of why I felt obligated to provide fan service like I mentioned in the point above, and why I caved and wrote some fanfics for these more unique requests, is because this fandom is very small, and I felt an obligation to provide.

Some of the other writers in the fandom are fucking rude. I'm not going to mention names, like I said, but I had very poor experiences with several writers in the fandom, and since I was also integrating into the Oscar fandom at the time, I could see a stark difference in the way I was being accepted in one, versus the way I was being pushed away in the other. There aren't a lot of x reader writers in the R6S fandom, and I was one of them, and there seems to be some animosity between the people who ship characters, versus the people who write x reader and that's where this mistreatment came from. I don't know, I tried making friends over there, and felt like I was getting pushed out.

So anyway, it's not for me anymore, but I still think back to certain parts of it fondly, and I may write a little more here and there as I see fit.

The Oscar Isaac Era

This really is THE era, isn't it?

As I was working on the last 10 or so chapters of Yes, Master, and after my 12th time rewatching the sequel trilogy movies, I started to fall for Poe Dameron, naturally. How could I not? I mean look at him...

So I decided that I would give Poe a prequel to my Yes, Master story called One Hell of a Pilot. This fic was so fun to write, and it's how I became involved with the Oscar Isaac community in the first place. Immediately I started following Dee, and through her I found Mona, and it was just snowballing from there. Whitney and Romana were some of the first to follow me and my shenanigans.

In December, which is when I started writing One Hell of a Pilot, another novel-length fic that ended with 80,517 words, is when I started reading Dee's fics, along with Mona's and many others. I saw their interactions and felt excited by the prospect of making new friends who were just as into some of this stuff as I was. A place that I could be myself and lose my shit over this idiot and not be judged.

I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.

It all started with a fic that Dee had written, I can't remember which one, probably a dbf!Santi fic, and I asked the innocent question of...

What movie is this from?

Oh shit...I didn't realize what the fuck I was getting myself into. After she told me it was Triple Frontier and I should watch it, my brother and I watched it right away. I told him a friend of mine suggested it. The way we spent the entire 1.5 hours laughing at how bad it was is still a memory I hold dear to my heart. I still didn't know at the time that this loser (Oscar my beloved) would hold a place in my heart from that day on.

My first Santi fic was a headcanon about Santi w/ a plussize reader that I called Preciously Plump. A headcanon that later got a full fic, appropriately named Preciously Plump the One-shot.

So then I read something about Moon Knight, and between Dee and Mona shoving me into it (peer pressure ftw) I caved and watched the show.

Phew...

That gave way to the first Moon Knight fic I ever wrote, How Unexpected which came out on January 3rd, 2023 of this year. I was sure that between Steven's adorable nerdy behavior, and Marc's tough exterior, I'd be head over heels for those two. I was nervous to even TOUCH Jake, because I didn't know shit about his character, and the last thing I wanted to do was write a character without it sounding like them.

I was also afraid at the time of writing the Moon Boys with DID because I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't want to misrepresent something like that. After some time went by, I got my bearings, and started working on A Bit Dodgy.

ABD is definitely one of the fics I'm most proud of. I had learned a lot from my past fics I'd written, Yes, Master, e.t.c., and figured out what it was that works best when I'm writing to not only keep myself interested, but to create a good balance between smut for smut's sake, and pushing the story forward.

When I first started writing ABD, I was sure it was going to be a 30-40 chapter fic, but as I started writing it more, I realized quickly that a lot of the chapters were just porn. Is there anything wrong with that? No...but as someone who's written nearly a million words in this past year, I don't feel the need to draw my chaptered fics out with smut just to say I wrote something x chapters or x words wrong.

That's why ABD ended up getting cut down SO MUCH from my original plan. I just made some decisions that I felt maximized the story more and used the smut as a major plot device, rather than the fic revolving around smut as the plot...if that makes any sense lol. I'm happy to say, that as of today, A Bit Dodgy has concluded, though it's the only fic I've ever finished with such a heavy heart.

I was an Oscar stan HARD after that, diving into Sucker Punch and other silly little movies filled with that silly little man whom I love so so much.

Statistics

Numbers aren't important when it comes to kudos (AO3) and likes (Tumblr) so I'm not focusing on those. What I am going to focus on...is my personal accomplishments. Like I said, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I fucking wrote A LOT this year, and I'm going to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

So NOT including my random blurbs (since I'm not bothering to cross-post those)...

My total word count from 09/05/2022-09/05/2023 is (drumroll please):

791,829 words

GEE

I had thought I would've hit a million by now but I am NOT going to complain. By the grace of the horny demon that runs the smut factory in my brain, I've written more than I ever even thought possible.

In the Moon Knight fandom alone, I've written:

238,950 words

I think the only fandom I've written more for is Star Wars, but I'd have to add it all up and I'm not doing that rn haha.

Just kidding it's:

368,566 words

----

I wrote 6 novel-length fics, a total of 147 works, MK holds the record for most fics I've written at a whopping 82 fics!

----

It's shocking to look back and see what I've accomplished, and to look forward to seeing what else I can do. I know that this next year I won't have the same word count, probably not even close.

I'm focusing a lot on drawing now as well as writing, plus I'm working on my first novel that I'd like to publish so things will definitely be slowing down. I'm going to continue writing, but the speed at which I churn out fics will be slower in the future.

In Conclusion

Thank you all for the support throughout this year. There's no way in HELL I would've had the drive and desire to continue writing if not for the amazing community (most the Oscar Isaac community lol) behind me. It's not just the kudos and the reblogs, it's the people who I've grown to know since joining the world of fandom.

I never had a ton of IRL friends, and I live alone (happily btw) with my dog. Being able to make some friends here that I genuinely call friends, not just people I know online, has meant the world to me. I would list everyone out, but I have a fear of accidentally forgetting to tag someone despite how much they mean to me so I'll leave it at...those people know who they are.

And to my readers (I hesitate to use the word "fans", that makes it sound so conceited), thank you to the moon and back. Without out, I wouldn't have had the drive to keep going. Kudos, Likes and Reblogs aren't everything, I can't stress that enough, but they do help keep the drive alive. (Particularly the comments). Without the little boost of excitement I get when I see that other people are just excited about what I'm doing as I am, I probably would've given up ages ago.

You all are the reason that this was even possible.

With all that being said, I have a small celebration planned that I'll announce later tonight. In the mean time, stay amazing. You keep supporting me, and I'll keep providing the fics that you all love so much

Love, Melly

69 notes · View notes

briwbb28 · 3 months

Text

déjà vu

part 1

Do you get déjà vu when she's with you?

Do you get déjà vu? (Ah), hmm

Do you get déjà vu, huh?

—————

paring: Nika Mühl x fem oc

themes:

-slight angst

-mentions of alcohol

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

when Nika and Riley broke up, they never spoke to each other ever again. Riley now just see’s Nika’s life through the internet and now seeing what Nika does with her new gf who looks exactly like Riley and does the same things with her like she did with Riley, she now wonders if she ever gets flashbacks of their relationship from before.

—————

riley’s pov:

february 14th, 2024

(12:34pm)

‘she already moved on?!’ I thought. why and how could she move on so fast. the girl looks EXACTLY like me. the same color eyes, the same dark brown hair that flows over her shoulder, the same nose piercing, and i wouldn’t be shocked if we were both the same height.

I hated how Nika had this reaction out of me. we broke up two months ago. why would I be sad? she broke up with me. there’s nothing i can do or say.

I ended up stalking the girl and turns out Nika brought her to the same places she brought me. was I just a game to her? does she do this every time she gets a girl friend? it’s so frustrating and exhausting.

I do know my friend wanted to go to their game that was tonight and let’s just hope that I don’t have to face her. I have talked to her or seen her face in weeks besides what I see on the internet.

riley’s pov:

february 14th,2024

(6:05pm)

“what if we bump into each other?” I whine to my friend who is doing her make up and i am laying on my bed dramatically still debating if i wanted to go or not. I haven’t gotten dressed or anything. all Kenzie can do is roll her eyes at me because she knows i’m just being dramatic.

“your being dramatic Riley. she moved on which means you have to move on.” Kenzie said finishing up her makeup as she turns to me. Kenzie hasn’t been in a relationship for 3 years so i try my best to take her advice, but it’s not that easy.

“if you guys do bump into each other which will probably not happen. what are you gonna do? what are you gonna say? nothing because you need to show her that she can’t have that effect on you. she moved on. she found a copy paste version of you. you just need to find someone tonight and prove to her that you don’t want her.” Kenzie says as she goes on her phone to play music as i soak up what she said and maybe she is right, i can’t let her get the best of me.

“and now what we are gonna do is make you look hot as fuck so what she lays eyes on you, she will realize how hard she fumbled.” Kenzie said which made me laugh.

I wore some low rise jeans with a blue long sleeve top. i did some light make up and curled my hair a little bit just so it doesn’t lion to messy. as i was trying to find a jacked, i came across Nika’s jersey i would wear to her games. i immediately closed my closet and went over to my converse and put them on avoiding the pit in my stomach from what I just saw.

“are you ready?” Kenzie yelled which made me shoot my head up. “yeah i’m just getting my shoes on.” I yelled back as i put my shoes on, some light jewelry and some perfume. Then we were off to the game.

riley’s pov:

february 14th, 2024

(7:46pm)

we are now at the game. me and kenzie are sitting in our seats as people around us cheer for the women’s basketball team. i would lie to you guys and tell you that i wasn’t looking at nika the whole time, but i would be lying. as nika was running on the other side of the court she looked up and saw me in the crowd, nika blushed and looked down trying to keep her focus on the game.

“go Nika!” a loud voice came from above us and i turn around and look up the bleachers to see her little girlfriend. she was wearing her jersey. i guess nika was so quick to get herself another jersey to replace the one that was in my closet.

“damn she’s annoying.” kenzie said reading my mind which makes us both giggle as we keep watching the game. after the game kenzie wanted to go and tell the team how good they did since she is friends with them. as i’m just standing there waiting for her.

“hey kenzie i’ll meet you in the car, ok?” i told her to high made her nod with a smile which made me smile back as i turn towards the exit.

as i’m walking i bump into someone i didn’t want to.

Nika

“hey.” nika says which makes me roll my eyes and move past her to keep walking.

“hey! i’m trying to talk to you.” nika yells as she walks behind me trying to catch up. “well i don’t really wanna talk to you.” i say in a rude tone. as i get close to the exit she steps in front of me.

“what is your deal?” nika asked clearly upset. i look at her like she is crazy. is she really acting like she wasn’t the one who broke up with me?

“are you seriously acting like everything between us didn’t happen? everything that you said to me would just slip my mind?” i yelled at her frustrated with her. she looks at me shocked by my words.

“I was drunk.” Nika says which is no excuse. “that is no excuse! drunk or not you shouldn’t have said that to me. ever!” i yelled at her as tears well up in my eyes as i did.

i just get reminded of the night when she came back home from the bar with her friends drunk. i remember asking her repeatedly where she was, who she was with, why she wasn’t answering me, and all she did was ask me who the girl i was with earlier that day. i tried to tell her that it was one of my friends that was in town, but she didn’t listen. she was calling me names and saying how she can find better because she thought i was cheating on her when i in fact wasn’t.

“i miss you Ry.” Nika says which makes me giggle. “clearly.” i muttered quietly which made her look at me in anger.

“what did you say?” nika asked getting closer to me looking down at me which made my mouth go dry as i looked up at her. i haven’t been this close to her in months and it take’s everything in me to not pull her into a kiss right here, right now.

“i said clearly. do you want me to fucking spell it out for you?” i said again standing my ground as i look up at her. “and what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” nika asked clearly still angry.

“it means that it’s pretty clear that you miss me. you had to find a girl who looks exactly like me to ignore the fact that we are done. am i wrong?” i asked as our lips were not that far apart. she looked down at me not saying a word knowing i’m right.

“i also bet that you get déjà vu when you bring her to the places you used to bring me.” i say with a smirk as i look up at her as my fingers trace down her chest which makes her nervous and i can tell which makes me smirk even more.

“that’s what i thought. i know you still want me Nika. so prove to me that you still want me and that you are sorry because telling me isn’t gonna cut it.” i say. than i go around her to walk towards the exit leaving a girl who’s face is all red knowing her teammates are gonna ask questions, but she knew that she needed to do something about her girlfriend and she needed to do it quickly.

#nika muhl #my wife #nika muhl x fem oc #uconn wbb #wbb #lesbian #love her

24 notes · View notes

shiori42art · 10 months

Note

sitting here politely waiting for the heat/rut explanations (i saw omegaverse and was summoned)

Great! We start with the Heat / Rut lesson! 🙏🏻✨

Heat is the stage where the omega is most fertile, is the reproduction time! First I will explain the Heat in young omegas! The first heat of an omega comes at the beginning of his adolescence. In the first years they will not have any sexual needs, that will come when their body is developed enough to have babies, maybe between 16-17 years old? (So no, don't worry, 11 or 12 year old omegas won't be horny!) the heat cause painful stomach cramps, they can also cause fever, muscle pain and nausea. The omegas have a pre-heat stage where they begin to feel mood swings and irritability, they begin to nesting, they collect pillows, cushions, blankets and soft and fluffy things to make their nests (Nests can be anywhere! Normally in the omega's room, but don't be surprised to discover a nest in the bathroom made of towels and a bathrobe) to soothe the pain, the young omega can comfort himself with the smell of their family or friends, even if they have a boyfriend they will steal their clothes to add it to the nest!

Now, the mature omega! Apart from the pain, the excitement is added! The pain and excitement disappear once the sexual act has been practiced with a partner, they can also masturbate if they don't have anyone to have sex with BUT it is advisable to have someone, since during a "heat wave" the omega will be so excited that they could act incoherently and neglect their health, the partner must ensure the rest, food and hydration!

During the pre-heat, the most adult omegas that already have their body developed for babies, will experience a slight swelling in the lower part of the belly and the breasts, these will be sensitive and sore. They also make nests and will steal their lover's clothes, during the heat the risk of pregnancy is very big! It is recommended to use protection, toys or the skills of their partners, but there is nothing better than a good dick inside them LOL.

Omegas during the heat will smell much sweeter to attract potential mates! For example, if Venti smells like Cecilias and apples, in his heat it will be as if you have added honey to that mixture, or they have roasted the apples with sugar, lol!

For now I think that's it!

Now let's go with the rut! Although the rut is also like a mating phase, it is not as related to the sexual act as it is in the heat.

Young alphas experience their first rut early in their teens! The rut is very short, it may only last between 1 and 2 days! While the heat lasts between 3 and 7 days depending on the omega and if you have a partner to satisfy yourself or not. I also think that once the couple is united (mate bite) their heats and ruts are shorter and softer.

So! The alpha can also make nests where they are safe and comfortable, but it is difficult for them to stay still! In the rut, the alpha can suffer a fever and be unwell, but above all it is something more mental and they will be restless and even paranoid, the alphas are usually very territorial so if someone enters their safe space they will become aggressive, they prefer the closed and small spaces at these times, they will be eager for open windows, fearful that another alpha might walk in and invade their comfort zone.

A mature alpha will only be even more aggressive and protective! Whether with family and friends or with a partner, often the alpha will make sure their mate is safe, they may put them in the nest and not let them out (I have a headcanon where my alphas catch their omega and puts them in a nest in the closet or in a small room where they are safe, lol it's ridiculous) if the partner is pregnant the alpha will be on the brink of panic if they can see them near danger (stairs, sharp furniture, slipping) the partner should making sure the alpha is eating and staying cool and hydrated, sexual act is very very helpful to calm them down!! But it is not something necessary, the partner can talk to them calmly and make sure that nothing bad will happen.

An alpha in rut is not recommended to spend time with another alpha, the slightest movement will tense or bother and could attack! (alpha relationships are more complicated)

Sometimes the alpha if is very stressed will go into a primitive state where it will be difficult for them to communicate with words, would it be something like a wild side? At this point you have to be careful dealing with them!

Cold showers help too lol!

I think, that's all about the Heat/Rut for the moment, thanks for reading! Don't hesitate to ask me for more! I LOVE the omegaverse so much ✨

#genshin impact #askshioventi #askventi #venti #zhongli #zhongven #omegaverse #ABO

106 notes · View notes