#it's pretty old stuff just fyi

[pichupurin]

tumblr wont let me post my smutty human au zasr :(((

[derpinette]

i have this "alter ego" that only exists in my head where essentially i am a fat sloppy drunk old fisherman with no loved ones living in misery & isolation & i often imagine myself as him especially in moments of patheticness

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Glass Coffin

Weirder shit has happened in DC universe, but hear me out, Young Justice finds a glass coffin with Danny sleeping inside it. Maybe it's in some ancient tomb and hidden away for centuries, maybe it's in some villain's private collection of artifacts, maybe it's in some museum in plain sight.

And then Kon hears a heartbeat from it.

(I'm going with the version of YJ that is Kon, Tim, Cassie, and Bart here, fyi)

Assuming they didn't come to wherever they found the coffin just for the sake of it, they, as the responsible teenagers they are, finish their business first and take it to Mount Justice later to figure out what the fuck. Meanwhile, Danny is sleeping peacefully like a princess, all up in his King garb, with the Crown of stars, cape of night sky, and whatever else pretty stuff you want him to have. Point is, he looks majestic.

Tim looks up the records for the coffin. The files say it's hundreds of years old, and no one has been able to open it yet. The boy inside is stated to be either a statue or some kind of really well-preserved corpse - no amount of scanning registered any signs of life, so it was treated like a piece of art for the most part.

Yet, Con is absolutely positive he heard a heartbeat inside. What's more, he can still hear it now. It's impossibly slow but still recognizable.

Cassie finds a whole lot of legends about it, most of them speaking of 'only those from the other side can open the casket', and there are no clarifications to what kind of other side they are all talking about.

Of course, they all try. Because this is some kind of Snow White or Sleeping Beauty shit, and besides, none of them even think they would be able to open it anyway. And, sure, as soon as they are done having fun with it, they will report to the JL about their finding. Maybe the magic users will know something about the weird Sleeping Prince. They even go as far as to reason with the casket, loudly proclaiming where they are from, because they all come from very different 'sides'.

Bart goes first, explaining how he is from the future. The casket doesn't budge. Cassie goes next, stating herself as Themyskirian, but to no avail. Kon is next, with his half-Kryptonian heritage, but the glass coffin doesn't accept him as worthy either.

And then it's Tim's turn. And somehow, he flips the glass lid open with no effort at all.

A moment of silence follows, all the YJ members frozen in place, waiting for anything to happen, but the boy inside keeps just laying there, unmoving and with his eyes closed. Then Cassie makes a joke about kissing the princess to wake her up, and all of them start arguing on ethics and stuff because why is Robin the one that has to do the kissing, do you have any idea where that boy has been? Fuck off, you kiss him if you want it, and also, do you really want him to wake up, what if he is some kind of villain or an evil spirit, or-

"Which one of you assholes is dead enough to wake me up from my nap?"

And that's as far as I got with this idea. Maybe Danny was put into some magic sleep, maybe it was Clockwork's time shenanigans, maybe someone locked him inside and he decided to sleep it off, maybe he is there on his own volition, taking a vacation from Kingly duties.

I'm just having this vision of eternally beautiful Danny in a glass (oh, maybe it's not glass, maybe it's ice) coffin, and the YJ arguing over it. There's also Dead Tired potential here, because I love them, yes.

[pilfappreciator]

Brandi and Bruce’s S/o looking after the bakers dozen on their own, what shenanigans occur?

Anon this is?? Literally so cute what the hell??? Also referring to them as the "bakers dozen" is so genuis sfhjjfdadfggh—

Reader & the Bakers Dozen: babysitting solo

Includes: GN! Reader, mentions of polyamory, mentions of Vacay Lovers, slightly Parental! Reader, the Bakers Dozen

CW: Bruce Jr.

🍪 POV: your partners go off to some fancy convention to promote their business, leaving you to watch after all 13 of their kids. Chaos ensues

🍪 These little shits are already a lot to handle, so when you suddenly find yourself being the only adult in the house responsible for them? Yeah, babes, you've definitely got your hands full

🍪 Luckily, you've spent enught time at the Vacay Lovers household that things are at least a little easier for you lol

🍪 They definitely behave much better for you compared to other babysitters. Partly because you're smoochin their parents (and don't wanna get in trouble), and partly because they genuinely like you :3

🍪 But they're still little shits thru and thru, don't forget that

🍪 If they happen to have school? Chances are Bruce and Brandi already took care of their lunches and stuff before they left, so it'll be up to you to pick them up (WARNING: THE KIDS WILL TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO GO ORDER AT THE NEAREST FAST FOOD PLACE! Unless you've got money for 13 happy meals, prepare to hit em with a firm refusal). Definitely helps if you blast some music in the van! They've kinda lost interest in Velvet & Veneer after learning the two literally tortured their dad and uncles...

🍪 Play Brozone. They'll go crazy and shout-sing along with Bruce's parts lol

🍪 Later in the day you can expect a few to come up to you for homework help. They might also wanna help with dinner, but fyi there WILL be a mess. Pasta sauce on the floor, flour all over the counters, stains on your clothes— the whole shebang

🍪 Want the least amount of casualties? Just let them set the table (no worries, all the plates and stuff are made of plastic ajdjakkala)

🍪 A few of them have some dietary restrictions tho so keep that in mind!! Luckily, you can always find a list of reminders/examples up on the fridge courtesy of lovely muppet wife Brandi <33

🍪 If the kids don't have school that day, then be prepared. You're gonna have very little time to yourself ://

🍪 Like they've each got their own interests and hobbies to keep them occupied, but sometimes they'll need you to reach somewhere up high, or for you to play tiebreaker/settle an argument, or they honestly just want you to join them for a game of hide and seek which???

🍪 "Aw, you sure you guys don't mind me joining in?"

"Yeah! Just cuz you're old doesn't mean you can't have fun, too!"

"...Gee, thanks :D"

🍪 They're merciless

🍪 They've all got their own set of chores they need to do. Each and everyone will try to worm their way out of them. All of them. Everytime

🍪 Sure, they can be a little hyper sometimes, but they're like 6-8 years old so that's expected. For the most part, they're all pretty chill

🍪 It's Bruce Jr. who you've gotta watch out for

🍪 He is a shit- stirer and I WILL FOREVER STAND BY THAT

🍪 This guy won't hesitate to rally his siblings into whatever plan he's been cookin in that feral little head of his. Prepare yourself because you're MOST DEFINITELY getting pranked. It's like a requirement or something

🍪 One nice thing i have to say about Bruce Jr. is that he's actually pretty resourceful. Like this little dude is using everyday household items like he's staring in his own Home Alone movie AKSJSJAKA—

🍪 Rest assured, tho, none of his pranks are seriously harmful or anything but like... at the end of the day, expect:

1) to be covered in craft supplies

2) your clothes/skin/hair a mess

3) to have one limb stuck in a bucket

4) all of the above

🍪 Honestly I feel like Bruce and Brandi would be surprised if they came back and DIDN'T find you sporting paint-stained clothes or with glitter in your hair. Maybe a few stickers slapped on your forehead??

🍪 The trick to dealing with this little agent of chaos is to either keep him separated from his siblings long enough so he doesn't manage to rope anyone into his schemes, or strike some kinda deal with him. Considering he's got 12 siblings, all of whom you need to be watching over at the same time, chances are the second option is your safest bet

🍪 Chances are he'll ask for something semi-illegal, or at the very least something that DEFINITELY requires adult supervision

🍪 DO NOT LET THIS BOY TALK YOU INTO BUYING ANYTHING RELATED TO FIRE. Seems like an easy task, I know. Unfortunately this little shit enherited his dad's charm so watch out o_o

🍪 He'll settle for a happy meal tho. Hopefully you didn't already cave and take him and his siblings out to eat earlier, otherwise you're spending even more money ajsjakkala

🍪 If any errands need to be run during your time there, you BETTER BELIEVE they're all coming with. You'll need to be incredibly vigilant during this time cuz these kids are even more rowdy in public than they are at home. If you're smart about it, you can turn the whole thing into a game! If everyone manages to grab everything off the grocery list in a certain amount of time or if they're able to find the best quality (but relatively cheap) brand of laundry detergent, then you'll buy each of them candy or something uwu

🍪 You can count on them to be cooperative, but like... bring the family child leash just in case

🍪 Cough cough (Bruce Jr.) cough cough

🍪 MOVIES BEFORE BED! It's a bit of a family tradition in the Vacay Lovers household. Yknow, just some way for the kids to spend time together before the day ends

🍪 You're most definitely gonna be playing tiebreaker when the time comes. All 13 of them have wildly different tastes

🍪 Absolutely no scary movies tho. They'll try to argue that theyre able to handle it, but at the end of the night expect to find yourself under a pile of frightened children who've ctawled into bed with you

🍪 Their collective nightly routine is literally?? So chaotic??? Like all of them are simultaneously trying to squeeze into the same bathroom just to brush their teeth... running in and out of their respective rooms... trying to sneak some extra dessert before bed

🍪 Literally never a quite moment in this household jshskakakam

🍪 You might have to read a few bedtime stories or sing a lullaby—

"Dad does it better"

"Just go to bed, Benji"

—but once they've settled in under the covers? Out like a light. They are unconscious the moment their heads hit their pillows

🍪 You'll probably have a mess (or two... or three) to clean up afterwards, but once they're taken care of? Dishes washed? Counters clean? You're more than welcome to crash on Bruce and Brandi's bed <33

🍪 Said couple returns home the next morning...

🍪 Just to find their kids drawing on your face with marker. Cross your fingers that none of its permanent 💀💀

Hope this was good! I know I call them all little shits BUT I MEAN IT AFFECTIONATELY OKAY AJSJAKA

Ngl I feel like this could have been like... more colorful? Like I was very general about the kids and their behavior as a whole, but now I'm super tempted to make a post describing each of them and all their little quirks! Just something fun to do that'll help me write them better in the future ;3

[atinystaypixie]

Game of a Slutty Virgin - Pt. 1

I decided to go through with it! I will make this into a little series featuring the men of AOT. I really thank you for all the love that was shown on the intro to this!

Overview: "On the way up, you take note of his hands. His fingers are longer than yours and are slightly larger with a gentle grip on your hand. It’s not the necklace you are looking for."

Warnings: Fem reader, masturbation, blowjobs, fingering, other sexual stuff but no penetration, smut is at the end so feel free to skip if you want. Ignore typos and grammar mistakes plz n thank you

Word Count: 3.9k+

18+ MDNI!!

Y/n is black it is just not explicitly described yet just fyi🧚🏽‍♀️

A/N at the end

Part 2 Out Now

"Shit, you're so sexy", groans the man as you grind your ass on him to the beat of the music in the club. He has his hand on your hips and his face in the crook of your neck as he's getting hard from you rubbing against him. Standing taller than you with a nice smile, strong arms, and a deep voice. To many looking for a quick hookup, he would be perfect. From what you're feeling from the hardness poking your ass, he seems to be well sized down there. He even seemed like good company from the conversation you had earlier when he approached you. He bought you a drink, told a few jokes, and took you to dance. You can tell he wants to take you home for the night.

Unfortunately that feeling isn't mutual. He will be standing here wondering where you disappeared to after this song ends. Where the woman with the nice hips and alluring eyes in the little black dress could have possibly gone. You wouldn't have ditched him would you? Not after the flirty giggles, the hour and a half of heavy grinding, and the numerous fleeting touches? He spent most of the night with this pretty stranger. So why hasn't she come back to finish what was started? You had all the answers to every question that would plague his mind. 

"If you would excuse me, I need to use the restroom." You giggle and turn to press a kiss to his cheek. A mark you have left your countless victims with. A kiss so sweet and light, yet it seers through their fog filled brains that's clouded with you. The mark that they will hold on to with the assurance the woman will be returning to them. The woman they will never have contact with again after she has aroused them in the sweetest way possible.

You bat your lashes and flash a smile before walking off to the restroom. The last smile he will ever see from you and the restroom you will never enter because you are making your way towards the exit when you see you are out of his view. Your body blends with the others in the club who are making out and feeling each other up as they enjoy their night. As you make it outside, you see couples hand in hand and many groping each other with the known thought of having sex as soon as they can. You think that it must be nice for them to be with someone and feel they can satisfy their sexual needs. You wish you could relate to them because your sexual needs were the exact reason you left the man to figure out that you weren't coming back. You knew from the time spent with him tonight that he wouldn't feed your desire even if you were really looking to take him home.

You had a list of answers to the questions you knew were now forming in his head. He was too soft. The way he was gripping your hips told you he had no real strength to treat you like you wanted. He was holding you like glass when his hard member was clearly not giving the same message. The way he grinded on you was too weak. He was moving back against you, but you could tell he couldn't handle you even though you weren't giving him the fullness of yourself. The way he talked to you wasn't causing your thighs to clench. A deep voice is nice, but it won't get you far. If he called you sexy one more time, you genuinely would have lost it. His flirting was limited and got old quick. He obviously thought you were the pretty and sweet type who was made of porcelain. You would need to drink the bar dry before you would want to take him home. Even if he did somehow make you truly consider keeping him for the night, you still would have left him in the end. You never came to this club with the intent on finding a hookup. Before you even walked through the door, you knew you would be rejecting any man tonight. Sex was never your goal for the night. It was just to enjoy yourself and tease some unknowing man until you were ready to leave.

You've been through this cycle time and time again. Whether it be on your college campus, in the club, or from one of the dates you pick up from time to time on dating apps when you are bored. Meeting men who fall prey to your honey voice and hypnotizing eyes. They all think they found some well mannered girl who they can show a good time thinking they are going to give you the best sex of your life because someone so gorgeous only deserves that. None of them realize that you have already sized them, chewed them up, and spit them out. You've talked to too many men and know too much of what you to not know when a man is more talk than action. Especially the ones who think they have figured you all out. The ones who know for a fact they can slut you out and make you into their own personal sex addict. The ones who you laugh at the most because they don't see the signs that you are already a slut. How would someone so innocent have her clothes fitted just right to be a deadly tease, eye contact so good that it makes her pick of the night nervous, and touch him just enough that he catches goosebumps and is drooling for even the lightest tap from her.

As you make it to your car, you chuckle slightly to yourself thinking how you do all this without having ever actually had sex. No man has been between your legs and got to claim your awaiting gem. You get such a thrill from playing with men that you never actually slept with one. You aren't looking to sleep with one unless you are for certain he can fill your sexual appetite. Spending many nights with your hand wrapped in your thighs, you’ve found pleasure in many ways, the spots that are more sensitive than others, and the nasty things that make your pussy throb. Men tend to never pick up that you are still a virgin just like they never pick up that they won’t get you in their bed for the night.

You make it home and kick off your shoes. You shower and know you will be spending the night pleasuring yourself again. Your favorite vibrator against your clit, fingers twirling your nipples, and juices running down your thighs. Taking your time to adore every inch of your body because nothing brings greater pleasure than a worked up orgasm. You have a high sex drive and pull at least three toe curling orgasms out of yourself before feeling comfortable enough to go to sleep for the night.

The next morning you head to the cafe where you have become a regular. “There’s my favorite girl! How are you this morning? Came for your usual, pretty girl?” Your favorite barista greets you as he starts preparing your order. He knows it by heart with the amount of times you’ve ordered it. “Good morning,” you say in a cheerful voice, “I’m good! Thank you for asking. How are you today?”

“Better now that I’m seeing your pretty face.” He was always sweet, but you sure he is like that to every customer. You never hear anyone say they have bad service from him. “Enjoy your drink, doll. I’ll talk to you again when you come back through.” He tells you as he hands you your drink with a cute hand drawn smiley face on the coaster. 

“Thanks! You always get me right. See you later!” You wave bye to him as you head out the door getting ready to attend class for the day. He makes the best coffee and you don’t want it unless he prepares it. You need the good flavor plus caffeine to make it through your boring lectures. The tasty drink also helps distract you from the sinful thoughts that run through your head during the day. You can’t help the thoughts of a strong hand gripping your hair as you get deep, rough backshots that have you gripping the sheets between your fingers as you cry in ecstasy. Thoughts of someone forcing you to keep your arc even though you are overstimulated and can feel your heat squeezing around his thick shaft. The morning drink helps keep your inner slut at bay long enough to get through the day till you can get back home to pleasure yourself.

“Y/n!” You hear your best friend yell as you make it to your seat for class. “Tell me! Tell me! Did you find some hot dick t to take home last night?” She asks loudly, causing a few people to turn around and some to snicker. “Can you not be so loud? And no, I did not thank you very much!” Sasha was your best friend, but she didn’t know the reason for you going out to try to meet men. She assumed that you were being picky and just had bad luck, not that you never intended on finding someone to fuck in the first place.

“Bad luck again? If I didn’t know any better, I would say you are just going out to waste time. You need to stop being so picky and just jump on the first good looking dick you see!” Before you could respond, the professor walks in and announces he will begin class. You feel relief because it will cause Sasha to stop questioning you.

After class, Sasha and you are walking outside and your sex thoughts are starting to get loud again. You couldn’t wait to go home and cum till your heart’s content. Teasing your breast softly then grabbing them with just enough strength to make it hurt. Tracing down your abdomen then back up before you dip down into the slick warmth of your-

“Hey! There is a party tonight by the way and we are definitely going!” Sasha suddenly announces making you realize you zoned out again. “Tonight? Where?” You question her because you really aren’t trying to have your alone time disturbed. You really needed to cum for hours tonight and aren’t interested in going to a party.

“It’s at Titans Frat. And no! You cannot bail on this one because you made me go to the last party by myself. I will be at your house by 9 so be ready. Byyee!” She says running off before you have time to object. This really isn’t good. You need quality time with your insatiable cunt and won’t get it because you have to take time to get ready and by the time you finish Sasha will be at your house. She is sweet, you love your best friend, but damn you really needed a long session tonight.

By the time you get home around 6, you start getting ready for the party you never agreed to go to but will be dragged to. You aren’t going to show you are depressed because you couldn’t play with your pussy all night. Even though your clit is begging you to rub her and your tight hole is begging you to finger her even if it’s just for five minutes, you ignore them and finish styling your hair and dressing in a cute crop top and skirt.

When you finish slipping on your shoes, you hear a car horn letting you know that Sasha has arrived. “Girl! We are going to go to this party and get you some dick!” You start to interrupt her by calling her name but it does no good, “and it will be some BIG dick attached to a FINE man!”

“Sasha!” You yell at her because you know not one man will be penetrating you due to you needing to be properly slutted out. However, what you tell Sasha is a different story. “I will not be getting any dick tonight. I am sure no one is trying to fuck a virgin tonight.”  You go with playing the innocent virgin card in hopes of getting her to calm down.

She  sighs before talking,”Y/n it will be okay. You will get your big cock one day.” This girl just doesn’t stop. “ ‘Cuz I know I am! Somebody’s son is going to be splitting these legs! If he ain’t trying to fuck my cervix, he need to get away from me”, you had never been so  happy to see theTitans’ house although everyone is there at least once  a week, “WE’RE HERE!” You tell her because she was talking so much that she almost drove past it.

Once inside, you are greeted with people already intoxicated and some more of your friends. You get comfortable in the corner with them and start talking as the music blares through the house. There is one unfamiliar face there and you make eye contact with him a few seconds before he moves around to introduce himself. “I’m Armin. I haven’t seen you before.”

You give him a small smile before responding,”I’m Y/n. I can say the same about you. You just transfer or something?”

“Transfer? No.” The blonde chuckles a little,”I’ve been here since the start. I usually stay in, but I decided to chill tonight. I’m friends with Sasha too. I saw you walk in with her.”

Speaking of the devil,”I see you met Y/n, Armin! You two are really cute together! Maybe you should get to know each other more? Yea?” Of course she was up to something. No wonder she was forcing you to come to this party. She was playing matchmaker.

“Well, I don’t mind. How about you?” Armin turns to look at you with a cute smile. “Yea, me either. Let’s talk then.”

After a few drinks and a couple of hours, you and Armin ended up alone as everyone else broke off to dance or hookup with someone they found. He was an interesting guy to say the least and you found out he was extremely intelligent. You can tell he got bolder with the alcohol in his system because he was closer and touching you more. You could tell he was interested in you and decided to feed into it. His blonde hair was falling in his eyes so you moved it and started playing with it. Armin smiled and took your hand before interlocking your fingers together.

“You want to go somewhere more private?” He suddenly asks while holding eye contact. Smiling slightly as if you were shy, you nod and let him lead you to a room upstairs. On the way up, you take note of his hands. His fingers are longer than yours and are slightly larger with a gentle grip on your hand. It’s not the necklace you are looking for.

When you make it to the room, he moves in slowly but you move slightly quicker because you aren’t interested in being here long. You might be a virgin, but you aren’t the type to act like one. Armin is kissing you back but it’s soft. You hate soft. He is more pecking your lips than making out with you and it’s making you wonder why he even invited you up if he was going to act like this. You can feel his hand travel under your skirt and grab at the plush of your thighs. You turn him around so that he is walking towards the bed and straddle him once he is sat. He starts kissing your neck which causes you to emit soft moans. You begin grinding on him as you feel him hardening in his pants. This causes him to groan and pull your hips closer to him.

You need more than this. You’ve been needing to cum all day and this stupid party is the reason you couldn’t. “Minnie,” you blink at him with a whine and faux desperate eyes,”please touch me.” You plead as you drag his hand around to the front of panties under your skirt. He looks at you with widened eyes and nods quickly. He flips you so that you are now laying down and that he is hovering over you. He rubs up your slit once to gather some of your juices then begins to circle your clit. You palm him over his jeans while eliciting small moans for his enjoyment. Armin begins moaning and circles your clit faster. You need to feel something in you though. He can’t just play with your clit. You unzip his pants and take out his dick from its confines. It has a pretty red tip and is decent sized. Armin hisses feeling your hands on him with no barrier.

You still need more. He hasn’t moved from your clit. Armin lets out a shocked gasp as you flip him and climb on top. His dick is aligned with your face as your pussy is hovering over his. You look over your shoulder and make eye contact, “is this okay?” He eagerly agrees before slipping your panties to the side and latching on to your folds. Swirling his tongue through your slit before stopping at your entrance and inserting his tongue, Armin starts thumbing at your clit. Applying pressure there as he fucks his tongue in and out of you moaning at the taste. You might have been too quick to judge because he is working wonders on your needy hole. You almost forget you were supposed to be sucking his dick. It’s leaking precum now and running down his shaft. You lick from the base up to his angry red tip getting a taste of the salty liquid. He moans into you, sending vibrations through you increasing the pleasure. You swirl your tongue around his tip before wrapping your lips around him. 

You gently suck on his red tip before  taking more of him into your mouth. You pull him almost completely out then deepthroat him all out once. This pulls another moan out of Armin. He moves his tongue from your sweet entrance and inserts a finger. His hands are nice, you saw that coming up the stairs, but his tongue is better. You push your pussy against his face hoping he will catch the hint, and thankfully he does. He uses his other hand to spread your folds more and attach to your clit. Rolling the bud between his lips then flattening his tongue against it causing your toes to slightly curl. He is really working wonders with his tongue. But, you are about to work more with yours.

Hollowing your cheeks as you slowly pull his dick out your mouth, you release him with a pop before licking a long stripe down his shaft. You spit on his tip and take him in both of your hands making a twisting motion on his hardened member. Gathering more saliva in your mouth, you place a sloppy kiss on the red tip before you start bobbing your head up and down on him. You move one hand off of him and push him to the back of your throat while moaning. “Fuck! Y/n, shit!” He stops his actions of your heat as his dick begins to twitch. You take this as a sign to start fondling his balls to add to his sensitivity which causes him to throw his head back from pleasure. You pull him from the warmth of your throat and skim your thumb over his tip before speaking, “Minnie, don’t stop please. I’m almost there.” You tell him with a soft pout. You refuse to leave without cumming tonight.

He realizes he has stopped and begins fingering you again. He’s making a mess on your pussy. Sloppy kissing your outer lips before running his wet tongue up and down your folds. He’s knuckles deep in you when you feel him wrap his arm around your hips and pull you even closer to his lips. If you were to look back, you would see the mix of your juices and his spit running down his chin. He lays harsh licks to your aching clit causing your hole to clench around his fingers curling in you. You feel your core tightening signaling you are cumming soon. Armin feels you clenching and pushes fingers harder in you rubbing your walls. 

Taking his twitching member back into the wetness of your mouth, you suck him in with more pressure. He has pre-cum and your hot saliva dripping down the length of his cock and feels his release nearing. Both of you are working each other over and moaning into one another. With his cock in your mouth, you flatten your tongue and wiggle it while you gently fondle his balls again. “Y/n. Y/n! Fuck, I’m cumming,” he announces, but you don’t move to take him out of your mouth. You wanted to take his cum down your throat. 

He continues fingering you, but you feel him tense when you hollow your cheeks and push him down your throat one last time. His hot liquid spilling in your mouth makes you moan as you wait for him to finish. This triggers your own release causing you sweet juices to splash in his face as you cum around his fingers. Both of you cumming and moaning help work each other through their orgasms. Each breathing heavy as you come down from your highs. You move from off top of him and move your panties back to the center of your core. You lay next to him for a second before you let out a slight giggle. “That was good Minnie, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,Y/n” he chuckles. “Fuck, you really drained me.” He lets out a sigh of pleasure.

It’s time for you to make your exit. You got what you wanted for the night: a decent orgasm. You start to stand up, “hey Minnie, I have to go. Got classes tomorrow.”

He looks at you and starts speaking, “oh, okay. Well, I’ll see you later then?” He asks. You know he means as in seeing more of you. You know he’s hoping to get to know you more. But, that’s not what you are here for.

You do your same little giggle and smile, the ones that mean you aren’t coming back. You do this and reply with a simple, “Mm!” An answer that’s not words, that can’t be counted as a definite yes. An answer men always take incorrectly from you. The answer you give him and kiss his cheek with before walking out the bedroom door and text Sasha that you would catch an Uber home knowing she was somewhere with a random man of her own.

You list in your head why Armin is wrong for you just like you do with the rest. He was good and made you cum, but his hands aren’t the necklace you were looking for. Fingers don’t rub the walls of your slick pussy right. And sadly, he didn’t even fuck your throat.

Another day, another man who’s dick you won’t be sitting on.

Thoughts of a Slutty Virgin - 🧚🏽‍♀️

Again, thank you for the love on the intro to Game of a Slutty Virgin 💜! I hope you enjoy this part and the upcoming parts. Reader will get her cherry popped, but it will be by the man she picks at the end. The next chapters will be her having different sex adventures and trust they will not be limited to a just blow jobs and fingering. Stay tuned 🤗

[slut4thebroken]

Russian Roulette

Pairing | Mitch Rapp x reader

Summary | Assassin!reader won’t talk. mitch knows just what to do to fix that Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, gun play, fear play, degradation, cnc (barely), breeding, face fucking, crying, edging, light praise, choking, brat taming, deep throating, Words | 8k Notes | Here it is folks! The long awaited russian roulette fic😌 I do plan to edit this again and republish it in the future but I’m happy with it for now. Enjoy!! (p.s. I’m more likely to post stuff that isn’t completely perfect in my eyes (even tho it’s literally still good lmao) if I have positive reinforcement😭 just an fyi if y’all want more💀) Ao3 link | <3 Masterlist

It was supposed to be a simple mission. One you’ve done hundreds of times by now.

Seduce the target, then kill the target.

Every mission, your boss gives you a name, picture, location, and time. That’s how you found yourself at a hotel bar, wearing a skimpy dress and strappy heels, waiting for Mitch Rapp.

You’re excited for this one. Usually the men are either old perverts or young, inexperienced, and cocky. But every once in a while there'd be a man who’d challenge you. A man who made the game exciting. And Mitch seems like that kind of man.

You sipped your drink and looked around the bar. Finally you saw him walk in. He went to the opposite side of the bar and ordered a drink. When he looked up, he caught your eyes. You didn’t look away and just gave him a small smile. His face was emotionless but you didn’t let that deter you. You leaned forward with your elbows on the bar, pushing your breasts together, and watched as his eyes followed the movement. When his drink was set in front of him, he grabbed it then started walking toward you, making you laugh internally. Men are so easy.

“Hi.” You said, setting your drink down after he sat next to you.

“Hi.” His voice definitely matches his face.

“I’m Evelyn.” You lied.

“Dylan.” He lied as well. Your targets were rarely smart enough to use a fake name, usually too focused on your tits and the promise of a good fuck instead.

“Do you live around here?” You asked, twirling a piece of hair around your finger.

“No. I’m here on business.” He took a sip of his drink and looked you up and down, this time spending more time on your legs.

“Oh me too. Well, business and then a little vacation time before I have to go back.” Which was another lie. You never stay anywhere right after a mission. “Although I do have time for some fun before I have to work.” You gave him a small smirk and crossed your legs, making your dress ride up your thigh.

“Oh yeah? How much time?”

“Probably a couple hours. My boss is flexible.” Lie. He hates when you’re late. But you’re horny and, target or not, there’s a hot man in front of you. He can wait a little longer than planned.

“What do you say, Dylan? Wanna keep me company for a few hours?” You set your hand on his thigh lightly. When you started sliding it up, he grabbed your wrist, his fingers completely encircling it. Probably to keep you from finding a concealed weapon.

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.” He said lowly.

“I think I have a pretty good idea.” You bit your lip, looking up at him through your eyelashes. “C’mon, let’s have some fun.” You leaned your face closer to his and felt his grip on your wrist tighten.

“I promise I’ll be a good girl.” You whispered, breath fanning against his lips. His eyes roamed your face for a few seconds before suddenly using his grip to pull you from your seat, over to the elevator. You’re thankful your purse was already on your shoulder because you definitely wouldn’t have remembered to grab it… And you definitely need it to finish the mission. Not that you can’t kill someone without a gun, it’s just easier.

You entered the elevator and he pushed the button for his floor. When the doors closed he slammed your back against the wall and pressed his lips to yours, making you moan in surprise. His hands gripped your waist tightly and yours went to his hair. He kissed you passionately, his tongue fighting for dominance with yours. When he rolled his hips into you, you pulled back with a gasp. He was quick to move to your neck, pressing kisses and leaving hickeys along the sides. You moaned again and his hand snaked down your leg then up your dress on the outside of your thigh.

“Oh my god!”

You both pulled away quickly. An older lady stood outside the elevator with her mouth open in shock. You hadn’t even heard the elevator ding. Mitch checked the floor number then swiftly exited, pulling you behind him.

“Sorry.” You gave the lady a sheepish smile as you walked past her. You entered his room quickly and he slammed you against the wall again. When his lips met yours, you started trying to push his jacket off his shoulders. He obliged then pulled back to take his shirt off.

You were too horny to think about what the proper reply should be when someone has scars like this. Maybe that’s what gave you away.

He pulled your purse off your shoulder and threw it on the dresser next to you. You internally cringed when it landed with a really loud thump, seeing as your phone and gun are both in it.

He kissed you again and started sliding both of his hands up the outside of your thighs, this time making sure to pull your dress up. He placed his leg between yours and you stifled a moan. When he bit your lip, you gave in, starting to grind on his thigh. His hands reached your hips and he gripped them tightly, forcing you to continue rocking against him.

Mitch moved to your neck again, leaving more hickeys and occasionally biting the sensitive skin. He reached your collar bones and continued down your chest but pulled back when he reached your dress. He looked at you with dark eyes then placed his hand on your neck. You gasped and started rutting against him harder.

He leaned his head down next to yours, putting his mouth by your ear, then whispered, “Who are you?”

“W-what?” You didn’t register the question, still focusing on grinding against him. He leaned back to look at you and tightened his hand on your neck, making you release a choked moan.

“Who the fuck are you?” Your hips stuttered to a stop. Shit. They never figure it out until there’s a gun to their head. Maybe he means something else. “Who do you work for?” He said, harsher this time.

Okay so he definitely doesn’t mean something else. Fuck. He slammed your head against the wall and you winced.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about. Dylan, you’re scaring me.” You said quietly.

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” He growled. He tightened his grip, and even pushed on your windpipe, making you claw at his hand, trying to remove it.

“You’re hurting me.” You whimpered, feeling tears pool in your eyes from the lack of oxygen. “Dylan, please.” You gasped, letting the tears fall- all of it adding to your performance. His grip loosened and your chest heaved, trying to take in as much air as possible. Finally you caught your breath and then made your move- it’s too risky to stay in this position when you don’t know what he’s capable of.

You punched him in the nose and he stumbled back, clearly surprised. You ran the couple of steps to reach for your purse but were yanked back by your hair until you landed on the ground in front of him, his gun aimed at your head.

“Who are you?” He asked again, his voice harsher now.

There are three ways you can play this. Accept your fate, continue with the act and hope you fool him, or fight and finish the assignment. In reality, there was only one option because of your ego.

“Honestly I’m surprised you figured it out so soon. Most of them don’t until they’re already dead.” You smirked, looking up at him. “Although the few that do figure it out usually are smart enough to try and get their dick wet before doing anything.” His face remained emotionless and it only spurred you on.

“What gave me away?” You started taking off your heels, preparing for a fight or a quick escape. “C’mon Mitch,” You continued when he didn’t reply, “I gotta know how to improve for my next job.”

“Who are you?” You kept looking up at him and moved onto your knees, not giving him an answer. Suddenly, his gun hit your temple, the force making you fall onto your hip. You brought your hand up to feel the injury, no blood at least but it’ll definitely bruise.

“Fucking, dick! What was that for?”

“It’s going to get a whole lot worse for you if you don’t start answering my questions.”

“What are you gonna do? Shoot me?” He cocked the gun and held it closer to your head making you chuckle. “You won’t do that.”

“Why’s that?” He deadpanned.

“Because your dick’s still hard.” You whispered, placing a hand on his bulge, waiting for him to remove it. He looked you up and down and you could only imagine what you look like right now. Because based on what you can feel, your dress is dangerously low on your chest and high on your thighs, and not to mention the number of hickeys you probably have. He put his gun in the waistband of his pants behind him and you smirked triumphantly.

Mitch crouched in front of you and you tried to plan how you could grab either his gun off him or your own. One hand fisted your hair and roughly pulled your head back, making you gasp.

“I’m going to ask you again. And I’m going to keep asking and hurting you more and more until you finally tell me.”

“Who are you?” You kept your mouth shut and stared at him. He removed his hand from your hair to land a swift punch on your cheek before grabbing it again. The dull throbbing hurt like hell but you kept your poker face.

“Who do you work for?” When you didn’t answer, he punched you twice this time. You could taste the blood in your mouth and you debated spitting it in his face.

“You’re wasting your time. You might as well just kill me.” You wiped off some blood you felt dripping on the corner of your mouth. “I’ve been trained to endure every type of torture in the book.” He examined you again but this time you grew nervous under his gaze. Finally he hummed and stood up.

“You’re right. I’m going about this all wrong.”

“What?” You barely got the word out before he grabbed your hair again, lifting you off the floor and throwing you onto the bed. “What the hell are you doing??” You scrambled backwards to the head of the bed when he started moving toward you.

“Luckiky for you, I know a type of torture that’s not in the book. Take your dress off.”

“W- no!” He sighed and got on the bed, grabbing your ankles and pulling you until you laid on your back. Mitch grabbed the hem of your dress and ripped it in half easily. You wanted to be angry with him so badly… but the horny part of your brain is outweighing any logic right now.

He pulled the shreds of fabric off your body until you were left in just underwear- foregoing a bra earlier because of the dress’s low back.

Mitch straddled your hips and placed a hand on your neck, leaning down so his nose brushed yours. You closed your eyes, waiting, but you only felt his breath fan against your lips as he chuckled.

“You’re lucky I don’t just kill you right now.” He rasped. His hand moved up to grip your cheeks, forcing your lips into a pout. “What do you say when I’m being so generous?”

Fuck you. Is what you wanted to say.

“Thank you…” You muttered, looking at the wall next to you. You assumed Mitch was satisfied because he released your face and sat up. He dragged his nails down your ribs and you hissed at the sting. Finally he reached your underwear.

“Such a fucking slut.” He mumbled under his breath and you bit your tongue. “No bra and this pathetic excuse for underwear? Baby, you’re just asking for it aren’t you?” He cooed. You wanted to beat the patronizing tone right out of him, but you couldn’t help the reaction you actually had. He smirked when he noticed you clenching your thighs together beneath him.

Mitch grabbed your underwear and ripped it in half, a lot easier than your dress. He removed the fabric and you started squirming under him. His hands held your hips still and his thumb brushed across your mound, teasing you. You bucked your hips and whined.

“Oh I’m sorry. Did you want something?” You glared at him and his smirk returned.

“You know, if you don’t know how to please a woman you can just say that. You don’t have to drag it out and stall.” His smirk immediately turned into a scowl and he raised his hand to hit you again but froze when he heard an unfamiliar phone go off. He got off you and you started to sit up but he grabbed his gun, pointing it at you.

“Stay.”

You rolled your eyes at the command. He grabbed your purse from the dresser and walked back over to the bed, gun still aimed at you.

“That’s my boss probably wondering where I am.” You said when the ringing stopped.

“I thought you said he’s flexible.”

“I lied.”

The ringing started again and he pulled the phone out of your purse. He looked at the unknown number then to you.

“You’re going to answer and you’re going to lie. Otherwise it’s a bullet in your head. Understand?” You nodded and he answered the phone, putting it on speaker.

“What’s taking so long?” He snapped.

“I’m just wrapping up. I’ll be in tomorrow instead of tonight… This guy was a lot more trained than you said.”

“You better not have slept with him again-“

“That literally happened one time and I still finished the assignment. How many more times are you going to bring it up?” You asked, very annoyed and wanting to get back to Mitch. Speaking of him, you looked up at him and saw his eyebrows were raised. You just rolled your eyes and flipped him off.

“Don’t be late.” The call abruptly ended and you found yourself wondering why you had covered for him. You’re not afraid to die… but it was almost instinctual to lie to your boss and that scared you. Because if Mitch had the power to make you do that… what else could he make you do?

You cleared your throat and looked up at him. He tossed your phone on the floor then continued digging through your purse. He pulled out your revolver and smirked.

“Cute.”

“Yeah I bet you’ll think it’s really cute when one of those bullets goes through dick-“

“Watch your fucking mouth. That’s your final warning.”

“Or what?” You challenged him. He set your gun on the bed behind him and kneeled over your hips again.

“Open.” You kept your mouth shut as tight as possible and he sighed. Mitch grabbed your cheeks and forced your jaw down then slid his gun into your mouth. You gagged at the taste and tried to get away from it but he was practically holding your head down. When you gagged again, this time it was because he shoved it further into your mouth. You felt tears well up in your eyes, then fall down your temples.

“Poor baby, crying over a few inches. How do you think you’re going to take my cock if you can’t even take this, hm?” You attempted to whine around the gun but it just sounded like a garbled moan. Mitch fucked his gun in and out of your mouth slowly and you continued to squirm under him.

“Careful, baby. One wrong move and I could accidentally pull the trigger. We don’t want that now do we?” You whimpered and squeezed your eyes shut, your body going stiff.

“There you go.” He purred. You continued gagging and crying, just wanting to be done with this part already.

“Take it.” He uttered softly. After a few more long seconds he removed it, a trail of saliva connecting the barrel and your lips. You coughed and tried to catch your breath, then looked up at him through your lashes, your lips were slightly parted as you panted.

He reached up and placed a hand on your cheek. You tried not to read into it when you leaned your head against his palm. His thumb wiped the remainder of your tears, then moved down to trace your lips. He just barely put his thumb in your mouth when you closed your lips around it and sucked lightly. You swirled your tongue around his finger, then opened your lips slightly. He removed his thumb, dragging your bottom lip down on the way out.

Your thighs were squeezed together and you bucked your hips before you could stop yourself. He chuckled and removed his hand from your face, groping your breasts instead. You gasped when he pinched your nipples and then winced when he tugged even harder.

“Ow.” You mumbled. He ignored you and did it again. “You know, you don’t have to be so rough with it. It feels perfectly fine when you do it lighter.”

“Oh I know. But here’s the thing,” He leaned down in front of your face, “I’m not trying to make you feel good, and I especially don’t care if it feels good or not.” He glanced at your lips, then leaned back up.

“I’m going to keep hurting you. And if your slutty little head can’t tell the difference, that’s not my fault.” He shrugged and you pouted.

“There’s not even a small part of you that wants to make me feel good?” You looked up at him through your lashes. His hands grabbed your waist, his thumbs rubbing circles on your stomach.

“You know, usually when someone tries to kill me… that’s not a very good incentive for me to pleasure them.” You just rolled your eyes.

“But I understand why you’re confused, baby.” His tone was dripping with condescension. “Because we both know you’re not leaving here alive and yet, I’d bet you’re all too willing and eager to please me.” You scoffed and he raised his eyebrows, as if to say am I wrong?

“Tough luck.” You snickered, feeling his grip tighten on your waist. “I’m a pillow princess. So I’m perfectly content right here.” You smirked and tilted your head slightly from its place on the pillows, as if to give him a physical example of just how content you are. He gripped your neck in one hand, the other holding himself up on the bed next to your shoulder while he leaned over you.

“That may be true, but even as a pillow princess I can tell you’d do just about anything for some praise.” You felt your cheeks heat up at that. There’s no way you’re this easy to read…?

“Please.” You scoffed. “I wasn’t loved enough by my daddy and now I’ll do anything a man asks in bed? Is that it?” You said sarcastically.

“No I don’t think it’s that.” Mitch tilted his head, studying you. “I think, being a female assassin, you rarely get the recognition and praise that you deserve. So you crave it in other forms.” You swallowed, your neck moving under his palm.

“What is this, a fucking therapy session?” You spat, growing uncomfortable under his gaze.

“No.” He smirked. “I’m just having some fun by getting under your skin.”

“Or are you just stalling cause you’ve never been with a woman before?” You flashed an innocent smile as his hand tightened on your neck. “Or is it that you can’t get it up? There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Mitch. Impotence isn’t uncommon.” You feigned seriousness, almost laughing at his expression.

Eventually though, he just chuckled darkly and your stomach dropped a little. He grabbed your ripped underwear and shoved it in your mouth. You looked at him with wide eyes, but before you could do anything, his hand was leaving your neck and sliding down your stomach. He reached your leg and traced over your hip bone, not going down any farther. You tried to spread your legs under him but you barely moved.

Mitch leaned up then settled between your legs on his knees. He grabbed your hips roughly and dragged his nails down your thighs, touching you just about everywhere except where you actually wanted him to.

You whined, squirming and opening your legs wider. Finally, his fingers ghosted over your clit, making you instantly buck your hips into his hand. To retaliate, he slapped your clit, hard, and shot you a warning look. You choked on a gasp at the sting but it faded quickly.

His fingers lightly dragged down your clit to your folds, then back up to start again. You were just about to rip the underwear from your mouth and tell him to hurry up when a finger entered you. You let out a muffled moan and closed your eyes, tilting your head back. He curled his finger inside you over and over again until you were bucking your hips against his hand. He inserted another finger and you let out another relieved moan.

This continued for a few minutes until you felt yourself nearing the edge. His palm pressed down against your clit, adding even more stimulation. Your hips were rocking against his hand and your eyes closed as you were about to come. He pulled his hand away suddenly, making you whine loudly.

“Ready for some torture?” Mitch smirked and you pouted around the makeshift gag. His fingers entered you, picking up where they left off. You fisted the sheets in both hands and arched your back slightly as you got close again. He stopped and you cried out as you came down from the edge for a second time.

“You gonna answer me now?” He looked at you with a dark glint in his eyes. He wasn’t really asking since he didn’t remove the gag to let you speak. “That’s fine. I have all night.” He curled his fingers inside of you and picked up the speed, making you release a muffled moan. He edged you a few more times- after the fourth time you started losing count- and you were so desperate that you were on the verge of tears.

You tried talking around the underwear in your mouth but it just came out as incoherent, muffled sounds. He removed it and you didn’t waste a second before begging.

“Please- I want…” You cut off with a sharp inhale when a third finger entered you, “I want to come. Please make me come.” He was silent for a moment and then he removed his fingers, sucking your arousal off of them quickly.

“How about this?” He picked up your gun and took out the bullets, leaving one in, and then spun the cylinder. “I’m going to shoot this four times,” he leaned over on his elbow, aiming the gun at your temple, “and if you’re still alive by the end of it, then you can come.” You choked on a gasp and his fingers brushed your entrance again.

“If you’re not alive by the end of it…” He leaned down so his nose almost brushed yours, “Well, I’m still going to fuck you.” He whispered with a dark look in his eyes that made you shiver. He inserted his fingers again and you whimpered at the intrusion.

“Ready?” He smirked, cocking the gun. You shook your head and furrowed your brows.

“N-no, I don’t-“ You flinched when he pulled the trigger, the click deafening right next to your ear because of the sudden fear you got hit with. You shuddered and squeezed your eyes shut.

“One.” He rasped. You whimpered and shook your head more.

“M-Mitch, I-I don’t wanna…” You gasped out.

“Why not, baby?” He worked his fingers inside you faster now. “I thought you wanted to come?” And the thing is… you do. You want to come so fucking badly. The gun aimed at your head is only adding to the growing knot of arousal in your stomach. But you watched him load the gun. And you have every reason to believe that he truly doesn’t care whether he fucks you before or after he kills you. While the thought makes you clench around his fingers, you’d rather be alive for that.

“Just three more, princess. I know you can take it. You wanna come right?” The saccharinity in his voice was quickly taking down all of your defenses. You nodded hesitantly, still shaking out of fear and arousal. He pulled the trigger again, the sound making you release a choked sob.

“Two more.” You felt tears welling in your eyes quickly. You’ve dabbled with fear play as a kink in the past, but it was never anything like this. He inserted a fourth finger and you whimpered at the stretch, but didn’t tell him to stop.

“You deserve this, princess.” His fingers contrasted the gentleness in his tone. “Maybe I should just fire all six rounds.” You moaned through a cry, feeling too overwhelmed emotionally and physically. “Cause we both know your holes are all you’re good for. At least when you’re dead you won’t be able to talk.” He fired the third shot and you felt the tears start to fall.

“Poor thing. Are you scared?” He cooed softly and you nodded with a whimper. “Little girls like you shouldn’t be carrying weapons around. It makes it too easy for just anyone to turn the tables and have you at the other end.” The way he reprimanded you was infantilizing. And you hated the fact that you don’t hate it…

“I-I’m sorry.” You whimpered, not sure what else to say.

“You’re so fucking pathetic. Look at you, humping my hand.” You didn’t even realize you were doing that. “Even with a gun to your head you’re still only thinking with your cunt. That’s why you’re a shitty assassin.” He whispered the last part bitterly.

“Dumb little whores like you aren’t cut out for this, you know why? Because you’d rather fuck your target than finish the assignment.” He ground the palm of his hand down hard on your clit, making you moan. “Say it, princess. Say ‘I’m a dumb whore who only thinks with my cunt.’” You whined loudly in protest, but he pressed the gun hard into your temple, reminding you of your position right now.

“I-“ You cut off with a choked sob, “I’m a…” You squeezed your eyes shut, embarrassed.

“Open your eyes, baby. Open your eyes and look at me.” You complied. “There you go. Now keep looking at me and say it. Don’t make me tell you again or one more shot will turn into two.”

“I’m a- a dumb whore who only thinks with my- with my cunt.” You whispered and Mitch looked satisfied.

“You ready to come?” You whimpered and nodded eagerly, thinking he’d let you come before firing the last shot. “Then just one more, baby.” Your stomach dropped and you felt the fear come back, full force. The coil in your stomach was about as tight as it could get and you tried to come before he could have a chance to fire another round, but your body would not obey you.

“Ready?” You choked on a sob and shook your head. “Oh come on, don’t be such a little bitch about it. Do you want to come or not?”

“Yes!” You cried.

“Then beg.” He said and you paused.

“W-what?”

“Beg me to shoot you so you can finally come, humping my hand like a fucking bitch in heat.” He growled, his fingers somehow going faster. You stared at him with wide eyes and slightly parted lips.

“Go on, baby.”

“Please…” You mumbled.

“Remember what I said would happen if I had to tell you again?” You swallowed, giving him a small nod.

“Please s-shoot me…” You whimpered, eyeing the gun. He raised his eyebrows so you continued, “so you can finally make me come.”

“Good girl.” He smirked, grinding his palm harder against your clit, bringing you impossibly closer to the edge. He fired the gun and you froze, then let out a heavy breath.

“Can- can I come now please?” You all but sobbed in relief.

“Go ahead, princess. Keep humping my hand just like that… good girl. Grind on it, baby. Make yourself cum.” He set the gun on the bed then wrapped his hand around your throat, pressing on the sides hard enough to make you light headed. You gripped his bicep and squeezed your eyes shut. Finally the knot inside you snapped and your back arched as your head tilted back, pushing your throat into his hand. Your other hand reached up to grab the wrist of the hand on your neck. You didn’t try to pull him away, you just needed something to ground yourself.

As you came down from your orgasm, your body sagged into the bed. Your eyes were closed as you panted, trying to catch your breath. He pulled his fingers from you then took his ring and pinky fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean and groaning at the taste. He placed his pointer and middle fingers in your already open mouth and you moaned, leaning forward to take them deeper.

“Who do you work for?” He asked softly, removing his fingers and using his other hand to cup your cheek. The tenderness of his touch and his voice distracted you from the weight of the question.

“Piece of shit.” You mumbled sleepily, leaning into his hand. “Hate him.” You sighed and closed your eyes that were growing heavier the longer you tried to keep them open.

“Why does he want me dead?” He brushed his thumb against your cheek, his other hand moving some hair behind your ear.

“You’re being so sweet. Dunno why anyone would want that.” You pouted, opening your eyes to look at him. He gave you a soft smile, but his eyes showed his confusion. “I didn’t wanna kill you. Dunno why… just had a feeling I guess.” You returned his smile then closed your eyes again.

“I’m not done with you yet, princess. Don’t go falling asleep on me now.” He chuckled, his breath fanning against your lips. “Remember what I said? I’m fucking you whether you’re alive or not.”

“Alive doesn’t mean conscious.” You smiled mischievously, not opening your eyes.

“Alright then. If you don’t want to be conscious when I fuck your face and then your cunt, then by all means. Go ahead and sleep. Makes no difference to me.” You could practically hear his smirk, and yet… you still took the bait. You opened your eyes and glared at him.

“Fine. I guess I’ll be conscious.” You huffed dramatically, rolling your eyes. You did your best to suppress a giggle.

“I’m honored.” His faux seriousness is what made you break out into a fit of laughter. He didn’t really laugh with you, but he smiled so you counted that as a win.

“Alright get it over with.” You settled into your spot on the bed and opened your mouth with a glint in your eyes.

“You’re such a pillow princess.” He muttered, shaking his head with an amused smile.

“Hey! Don’t say it like it’s a bad thing. I’m proud to be a pillow princess.” You grinned and he just scoffed.

“Yeah, okay.” He laid down on the spot next to you, one hand resting on his stomach and the other behind his head. “Sorry, princess but you’re gonna have to do some of the work. I’ve been on top the whole time.”

“So what I’m hearing is… you want to bottom? I mean I’m down for that but I don’t think we have the right materials, unless you’re hiding a strap somewhere.” You smirked, sitting up.

“Cute. Remember what happened last time you didn’t watch your mouth?” You flushed at the memory.

“How are you gonna fuck my face if you gag me with my underwear again?”

“I’m really starting to reconsider accepting your decision to stay conscious.” You gaped at him.

“You wound me, Mitch.” You put a hand over your heart dramatically.

“I’m going to wound you if you don’t hurry up.” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“You know, you telling me to hurry up makes me want to do the opposite.” You crossed your arms and he huffed.

“You’re a brat too. Anyone ever tell you that?”

“Yeah actually. It usually goes hand in hand with the whole pillow princess thing.” You condescended him and he raised his eyebrows.

“Fine.” He rolled his eyes then looked up at you through his lashes. “Please suck my cock, baby. You wanna make me feel good right? Wanna prove that you really are a good girl? Cause I’m aching for you, princess. I know you can make me feel so fucking good.” He all but whined and you faltered. That was not what you were expecting at all. You figured you’d get another sarcastic reply, not- not that. You settled between his legs on your knees.

“I want to state for the record that I am doing this because I want to, not because you told me to.” You started unbuttoning his pants and you glanced up when he didn’t reply. He had a satisfied smirk on his stupid, pretty face. You just glared at him and kept working on taking his pants off. When you removed his black briefs you were mesmerized as his cock slapped against his stomach, big and red and did you mention he was big??

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“I would but you threw my phone somewhere so…” You reached out to touch him but he grabbed your wrist.

“Take them off all the way.” You huffed but did what he said then reached for him again, he didn’t stop you this time. It looked even bigger in your hand and you could see the vein on the bottom and the precum surfacing at the tip. You leaned down and licked the clear bead, moaning at the taste and then laying down on your stomach between his legs.

You looked up at him and god what a sight. The veins in his arm behind his head are bulging and you could see the veins in the hand resting on his stomach. His pupils were blown wide and he had a light blush on his face.

“C’mon, princess. We don’t have all night.” You ignored him and continued trailing your gaze over his body. You wanted to kiss all of the moles littering his face. Your hand reached up and you brushed your fingers down his happy trail until you reached the base of his cock. You grasped it and looked up at him before starting to move your hand.

His eyes fluttering was the only indication that he even felt anything, so you decided to do more. You put the tip in your mouth and lightly sucked and then swirled your tongue around it, your hand still pumping him. He muttered a ‘fuck’ and you wanted more.

You took him deeper into your mouth, until your lips met your hand, then went back up, still keeping your mouth on him. You looked up at him and when you met his eyes he groaned. He tangled a hand in your hair but didn’t push you yet.

“That’s it. Fuck- good girl. No hands, baby. Just your mouth.” You removed your hand and continued bobbing your head up and down his length. He started taking control, moving you further down each time. When you gagged and tried to pull back is when he lost all control.

His other hand joined your hair and he didn’t even move your head. He just held you still and bucked up into your mouth at a punishing pace. Each time he thrusted in, you were nearly all the way down, but not fully. His thrusting came to an abrupt stop when he buried his cock as far as your throat would allow.

“Fuck- Relax your throat, princess. C’mon, take me all the way in.” You did your best to relax and he pushed inside until you gagged around him and tried moving off him. His grip didn’t loosen and you clawed at his thighs, feeling your airways start to burn from lack of oxygen. When he finally let you pull back, you took a huge breath in and coughed. Mitch was stroking your hair and you looked up at him with tears in your eyes.

“Ready for more?” You glanced at his cock again and nodded, licking your lips. He eased your mouth back over him and started with slow thrusts. He moved your head up and down his length, the slow place allowing you to concentrate on breathing and not gagging.

“You’re just the perfect little fuck toy for my cock, aren’t you?” You moaned around him and he started to speed up. “Just a fleshlight for me to use however I want. Fuck- you were made for this.” He grunted. His hips started to meet your mouth every time he pushed you down.

“Fuck- take it, princess.” He groaned when you choked around him. He held you down until your lips were at the base of his cock, paying no mind to your struggling. Your hands gripped his thighs again, nails digging into the skin. Even though he was holding you flush against his hips, he was still thrusting into your mouth slightly.

Finally he released you, a trail of spit connecting your lips and his cock. One of his hands fell to his side, the other brushing the tears of your face.

“Come here.” He muttered, pulling your body up his. He kissed you slowly, nails dragging down your back, making you groan. He rolled both of you over until he was on top of you, never breaking the kiss.

“I’m gonna fuck you now.” He rasped. You nodded your head, eager for him to start. “Condom?” He took his cock in his hand, rubbing the tip against your opening and your clit.

“Don’t have one. I’m on the pill though.” You breathed, bucking your hips into him. He connected his lips to yours again, this time faster and more eager. He pressed the tip against your opening, pushing in the tiniest amount. When he finally breached your walls you gasped. Obviously you knew he was big… but it’s a whole other story when he’s actually inside you.

He slowly slid his length into you, your legs being pushed up to his hips the closer he got. When his hips were flush against yours, your chest started heaving as you tried to relax around him.

“Fuck,” You whimpered, grabbing his bicep in one hand and the sheets in the other, “oh my god. You’re so fucking big.” You gasped out. He furrowed his brows and opened his mouth in a silent moan. Mitch grabbed your thigh and pushed it up higher, the new angle making you whimper.

“Oh fuck- your little cunt is so tight around me.” He groaned, finally starting to pull back slowly. He dragged his length out of you until only the tip was inside, then snapped his hips forward quickly. The force pushed you up the bed slightly but he continued that rhythm.

“Fuck- please go faster.” You whined, dragging your nails down his back and making him groan. His thrusts sped up slightly, the sound of his hips hitting yours was resonating through the room, along with your moans. His mouth attached to your neck as he bit and sucked the skin everywhere he could reach. You put a hand in his hair and pulled on it hard. To retaliate, his hand wrapped around your neck, squeezing the sides and making your head feel lighter.

Mitch kissed you again briefly, then pulled out. You whimpered at the empty feeling but he quickly grabbed your hips and flipped you onto your stomach. He pulled you onto your knees then pressed down on your upper back, making you arch even further. His cock entered you again and you let out a loud moan at the sudden thrust. His pace picked up quickly and you fisted the sheets near your head and squeezed your eyes shut. His hand left your back to grab your hips, using the leverage to thrust harder and faster.

He landed a sharp slap on your ass and you cried out from the sudden sting. He leaned over you and brushed the hair on your face behind your ear. His thrusts never ceased as his lips brushed your ear.

“You take my cock so fucking well, baby.” He said through a moan. Your breath hitched and you felt his words add to the growing warmth in your belly. “It’s like you were made for me. Made to be my little cock sleeve.” Mitch grabbed your hair and pulled your head back, making you gasp. His other hand wrapped around your throat, pushing your head back slightly. The harshness of his thrusts coupled with the sting on your scalp and the floaty feeling from his hand on your neck was driving you closer to the edge.

No matter how much you hated your boss or your job… you couldn’t help but feel glad that you didn’t quit yet. Because this was probably the best fuck of your life. Sure, most of the other men you’ve been with couldn’t please a woman to save their life- literally and metaphorically- but there’s just something different about him. About the way that he’s rough and soft at the same time. Not just in his actions but in his words too. It’s almost like he had a fucking manual for all of your kinks and turn ons.

“Where do you want me to come?” He whispered, lips grazing your ear. And fuck- you clenched around him, making him moan lowly.

“Inside.” You whispered breathily. His grip on your neck tightened and he cursed under his breath.

“Yeah? You want me to fill you up?” He put all his weight on the arm holding your throat, then released your hair and moved his hand down to start rubbing your clit.

“Please.” You whined, clenching down on him again.

“Such a fucking slut- wanting a stranger to come inside you.” You whimpered at that because… even though it doesn’t feel like it, he still is a stranger. “What if I knock you up, huh? I guess it won’t matter either way since, like I said, you’re not leaving here alive.” His thrusts got harder and faster and he was panting next to your head.

“Please, I-“ You cut off with a choked sob, getting closer to your release with every thrust. “I wanna live. Wanna be your cock sleeve.” Despite you being 90% sure this was all roleplay, there was still some truth to your words.

“Begging for your life and all you have to offer are your holes?” Your breath hitched and his words just added to the growing knot in your stomach. “I might consider that. But it depends… are you offering all your holes?”

“Yes!” You said through a moan. “Yes- all of them.” He chuckled darkly. “Please, I- I need to come.” You cried, feeling yourself nearing the edge.

“Go ahead, baby. Come and I’ll fill you up, okay?” He rasped, his hand rubbing your clit faster. Your body obeyed his command and you cried out when your orgasm hit. You heard him curse under his breath and felt as he fucked into you faster. You buried your face in the bed, muffling your loud moans. His hips stilled and you felt hot come paint your walls. You let out a loud whine as his hips just barely bucked against you, trying to bury himself deeper.

After both of you stilling and just panting for a few seconds, you lifted your face from the bed so you could breathe better and he moved off of you so he was kneeling. Mitch slowly dragged his cock out and you clenched at the emptiness. You felt his come drip out of you, down your clit, and he groaned loudly. He rubbed the head of his cock on you, spreading his come around, and you hissed at how sensitive you were. He moved to lay beside you and you dropped down from your knees on your stomach.

“You don’t seem like the type to cuddle after sex.” You chuckled and the corners of his lips turned up.

“You’d be surprised. But we aren’t exactly cuddling right now.”

“Well what’s stopping you?” You smirked and he rolled his eyes before pulling you to lay partially on top of him.

“Better?” He raised his brows and you laughed quietly.

“Much.” You said, laying your head on his chest. His fingertips lightly dragged up and down your arm and you traced the moles and freckles on his chest. What now? You thought. He’s not actually going to kill you… is he? “Are you actually gonna kill me?” You mumbled against his chest.

“I don’t know…” He sighed. “No. But I can’t just let you go.” He was silent for a moment before continuing. “I think I should bring you to my superiors and let them decide what to do with you.”

“Your superiors? That doesn’t sound ominous at all.” You laughed, feeling his chest vibrate as he chuckled quietly. “What are they like mob bosses or something?” You said teasingly.

“More like a former navy seal and director of the CIA.”

“The C-“ You lifted yourself off his chest to look at him. “CIA? You work for the CIA??” Your voice rose in shock and he raised his brows, amused by your reaction.

“Oh my god- I almost killed someone from the CIA. That would’ve been so bad.” You put a hand over your mouth and stared at him with wide eyes. “You didn’t even get close to killing me.” He chuckled.

“Only because I didn’t want to. I totally could’ve killed you.” He just smirked at you but you were too hung up on the fact that your boss basically sent you on a suicide mission. If not suicide, then life in jail.

“That bastard! He sent me to kill an agent of the US government and didn’t even fucking tell me.” You seethed before calmly stating, “I’m gonna kill him.”

“Don’t kill him.” He chuckled. “Actually it depends. Who is he?” You told him the name and his eyebrows raised before he let out a small laugh.

“What?” You asked, confused.

“That’s the guy we’ve been after right now. We’re actually really close too.”

“Oh... What’d he do?” You asked.

“He’s a terrorist.” He deadpanned and your whole expression dropped.

“Oh shit.” You breathed. “Okay well now I definitely want to kill him.” You shrugged. “After I get paid though.”

“But you didn’t kill me.”

“That’s what’s funny about it though. It’d be even more ironic if you were the one to kill him.” Suddenly, you realized that you, an assassin, are talking to an agent of the US government about killing someone. “Are you gonna arrest me?” You asked nervously and he let out a small chuckle.

“I don’t think I can even do that… but no.” You sighed in relief. “Plus, what good is a fuck toy if it’s in jail?” He smirked and you felt your cheeks heat up.

I’M SORRY IDK HOW TO END THIS 😭💀

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

IRL MEETS WITH DAZAI, SIGMA AND FYODOR

Headcanon: How I imagine you and the boys meeting after being online friends Genre: Crack A/N: Still questioning why i tried writing this... Warning? Bad grammer and 0 proofread →Masterlist

Dazai:

You both pretty much met on twitter when you were concerning who was behind the chuuya hate acc 🤩 I mean who can hate chuuya?

you probably were a new member in the mafia for not knowing about THE Dazai oSaMU

or you were a member of Detective agency dense enough to know that they both were infact enemies and not enemies soon to be lovers 🤩🤩😔🏳️‍🌈

OR You were a freelancer fresh college passout student who was wasting their time online getting blocked by 12 year old kids 🤩😋that was until you accidentally befriend him

successfully had 6th month friendaversy. 🤩🤩

when you both exchanged your place of residence you were shocked to know there are actually useless people in Japan apart from you

OR You were just concerned to know that he used to stay up late at night to talk to you while you message him in between work hours. 🤩🤩Dazai is such a romantic mood NGL

AHHHH Its the day of THE friends meeting.

You lowkey regret befriending him.

He probably sends you discord kitten memes and his hand pics for no reason. [BUT CSN WE TALK ABOUT HIS HANDS-!!?]

Mf once tried to video call you when you specifically told him NOT to.

He was blocked for a whole week before someone named 'iaminlovewithdeathtoes' spammed you.

🤡honestly you realised you both never shared your name, so pretty much to arrived at the meetup place, thinking of ways how to say 'chuuyahater6fttall' and knowing him, he prob would have you come over the agency cause bitch is lazy asf.

Dingdong you arrive at Yokohama or pretty much at the agency 🤩🤗except you were shitting in your pants cause what the actual fuck. So the person you talked with, who encouraged all kind of illegal stuff and told you to shoplift and send a pic was actually a detective??? Nah dawg you wished he was a lowkey an accountant cause which detective will have so much time to be online and chat?

boi you were wrong. And to have cherry on the top, you bumped into a brown coat bearing man who looked like he was high on nuts. But damn he looked hot

did you say "sir please scream me without the s 🥺" to yourself? Did he hear it? probably

🤩boom your headphones got disconnected for a moment and the whole agency went silent as the lyrics of "good lookin" started to play.

The man infront of you laughs before kidnapping you and dragging you out of the agency, a queue of screams and shouts for the man to comeback and you desperately trying to switch off your phone. (🤩🤗The lyrics were blasting through the area)

honestly you didn't mind as long as he turns out to be those Wattpad overprotective mafia bosses 🤩🤩🤗🌟 so you can have ur Y/N moment

'Help I am getting kidnapped by brown coat man and am left all alone' you typed, as the three dots indicated that chuuyahater typing before he replied, 'I am the man'

The way you audibly screeched as your turn back and your hand automatically made a way to his face to give him a slap. (🤩You heard laughing in the background, it was chuuya fyi)

"Aww belladonna, I thought you loved me" "THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU KIDNAP ME AND MAKE ME STAND ON TOP OF A HIGHASS BUILDING" "But you agreed to do it once we meet!"

Oh he was serious when he said that 🤡

You ran away as fast as you can away from him, as you typed

'you are a bitch you know that?' 'And you are really beautiful you know that?'

😍🤩 you were greatful to get away from him, except he was knocking at you door (hotel door if u came from other part of the world) at 3am playing THAT part of the song "redbone by childish gambino" (iykwim) outside your door

Sigma

you both honestly never befriended.

You accidentally messaged him asking him to deliver you a pizza

🤩and when he replied with 'wrong number' you lost your shit. 'The fuck you mean wrong number you son of a-' 'Dont have one?'

Sigma maybe anxious in real life but online? Pretty sure he is a full on sassy sarcastic not so sweet Sigma (respectfully)

You both might have had a very professional verbal conversation over phone that day.

He and you might have bonded yet again when you, my dear reader accidentally send him a meme you were suppose to send someone else (guess who) and Sigma lost his shit.

Why was na unknown number, with memory of a snail sending him 20 pictures of a fisheye doll at 3am in the morning?

'Are you okay-?' He probably asked, 'Do I look sane?' you probably answered.

😭 but lowkey thinks that you both exchanged your insta Ids or smthg.

😡😡He didn't even acknowledge your following and never followed you back. 😔 rip your follower count

You spam him with reels and he? REPLIES TO ALL OF THEM LIKE GOOD BLESS THIS MAN TO RUN A WHOLEASS CASINO AND STILL HAVE TIME TO WATCH YOUR REELS

You would rant to him and he will listen 100%

Pretty sure you never tired to meet up. It was your ass being dragged by one of your friends to accompany them to a flying casino and get bankrupt.

Prob msged him saying how edible the manager of the place you went looked😭😭 (you didn't tell him u went to a casino so)

He replies with 'go get your man and stop telling me details about his hands'

And so you did, pretty much used your luck and became the star of Casino😡😡

Society validation? Nah 👎 but Casino manager acknowledge? Yah 👍

Now the thing is, Sigma probably got really indulged on how you managed to beat records that he spent time doing a background check rather then opening his phone and seeing your 99+ texts.

You on the other hand? Went wild. Your online friend wasn't responding!!!?? 😡😡 and you were telling him the tea how the manager put his hand on your shoulder acknowledging you.

Little did you know, you were so blinded texting 'the casino manager' You failed to realise you bumped into him.

phone drop, heart stop screen crack, gave you a heart attack.

worst part? The 'Manager' picked up your phone, looking down at the chat only to see his pfp and his contact named "Pizzah Guz" and your half written text of 'Where are you, I miss talking to| '

You were whereas unsure whether to feel embarrass or cry. You see his face only to realise the amount of shock you gave to the manager.

😭😭Pretty sure it took some time for him to cool down.

BUT I THINK he totally appears in front of your room, with a pizza guy costume and a box full of pizza, messaging you 'Open your door'

You were a little freaked out by his message. I mean Imagine texting a random guy and the only thing you know about him is that he is not a pizza guy and he tells you to open your door?

You open your door to see the manager in a pizza delivery guy uniform, a pizza in his hands while he holds his phone together, before he hands it over to you, before your phone notification tings, your online friend sends an image capturing 'Pizza delivery'

You fainted on the spot of pure embarrassment and realisation when you realise you were texting the manager while simping on him and describing details.

Or you just take the pizza and close the door, switch off and throw your phone on the bed and eat the pizza while the realisation hits.

Fyodor:

You both probably met on discord while bullying middle schools for their pfp choices 😭

10/10 had bombing conversation 👁️👄👁️ that is until you realise he was serious about it.

You be joking about how you will learn hacking to hack him and that moment all your dms get 'Join the rat cult' Picture.

😭😭please idts you met physically…like the possibility of fyodor arriving at your doorstep while you are half asleep eating a pizza and watching TV is insane.

Imagine you peep through the peephole and see fisheye fyodor 🤩🤩 10/10 scared

Online friend? Nah man he is your offline terrorist. That was until his wholeass body blewup and the only thing that was left was his arm from which he used to type to your responses from.

10/10 Power of Love and friendship

I feel like whenever you both VC, your silly self will try to use the soundboard and he probably vibe to it.

You both accidently made a cult.

Fyodor NGL prob just stalked you out of boredom.

Nikolai probably be backreading your chats and the next day you have a new coworker named "Fyolaya"

Honestly there is a possibility that fyodor has zero interest in meetup and then bam Nikolai scopes you in the middle of your work and drop you on fyodor's lap🤩

Imagine the tension when you, a average worker in the society lands on the lap of one of THE Doa members

Y/N x hot mafia boss who kidnaps Y/N accidentally cause Y/N met his man au? Terrorist edition?

You living a Wattpad life? Possibilly

A/N: Look i am sane

TAGLIST: @averagehisoilluenjoyer, @high-on-dazai @ruru-kiss Join or remove your user here.

[dixidin]

♰𝒜𝓇𝑔𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈! /̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿

Notes: I promised you guys I'd give them to you, so here we are. Anywho! Here's all the Argenthill (Argenti/Boothill) headcanons that I have. If you'd like, drop some other scenarios for these losers that I can use next time <3 (FYI, sorry if the formatting is a bit weird! Will potentially change it in the future)

Pet names (for each other)

Boothill: Darlin', rosey, hun', sweetheart, cutie, pretty boy, sugar, dimples (my hc for Argenti!), snookums (joke)

Argenti: Dearest, my rose, honey, lovely, dove, beloved, loverman (yes, based off the Ricky Montgomery song)

Hands

Boothill (when he had human hands): Pretty rough and calloused, maybe a few old scars here and there, wears rings a lot, probably bites his fingernails (causing them to be very jagged or even bleed due to his shark teeth)

Argenti: Very smooth and well taken care of, occasionally painted nails, but always trims them, a few moles here and there

Sleeping positions/habits

Boothill: Snores, knocked out like a light every time he sleeps on top of Argenti (wasn't really held that much), only wears red flannel pants to sleep (....whore...)

Argenti: The only one used to it, occasionally drools, usually sleeps on top of Boothill due to his robotic body, always gives Boothill forehead kisses when the outlaw does sleep on top of him. Night gown, bunny slippers, sleeping mask, you get the gist.

Both pretty light sleepers, but Argenti is definitely a bit heavier than Boothill

Both/Customs: They normally hold hands and face each other's foreheads when sleeping

Mornings:

Boothill usually wakes up before Argenti (which results in Argenti to stir and wake up himself), but Boothill always gives him a kiss to the back of his head and whispers a "Rest easy, hun'" or "Get some sleep, darlin'"

Random "opposite" headcanons

Boothill: Likes Venus fly traps. Collects bottles caps, lighters, hour glasses, and marbles

Argenti: Likes white roses with red tint. Collects small potion like bottles, candles, pocket watches, and jewelry

Drink dates:

Boothill takes Argenti out to bars, while Argenti takes Boothill out for tea parties. It's unusual to see an outlaw like Boothill sip from a tea cup, and weird to see a knight like Argenti to sit at a large stool sipping some wine. But it's a wholesome moment between the two and pretty healthy by introducing each other to stuff that they like that the other might not be too used to. (They make me ill)

Movie nights

Boothill's main movies: Django unchained, The harder they fall, Silence of the lambs, and The man who knew too much (Action, Thriller, Western revenge, and occasional Sci-fi)

Argenti's main movies: Pride & Prejudice, Her, Melancholia, and Elizabeth (Drama, Fantasy, Crime, and occasional Period romance)

Together, they create Brokeback Mountain (they sob everytime they watch it)

Dancing

Boothill: Tango, Quickstep, and Waltz. Literally flustered the entire time

Argenti: Ballroom dance, Foxtrot, and Waltz. Helped Boothill learn how to waltz

Cooking

Boothill: 4/10. Considering he's mostly robotic and usually gets drunk, he doesn't have that much knowledge when it comes to cooking. The worst is it being extremely burnt, and the best is when it's edible and helps you live long enough

Argenti: 6/10. Just a smidge better than Boothill, still a bit clueless when it comes to cooking. Rather a baker than a cooker

Carrying each other

Boothill: 8/10. Literally so easy. The only -2 points are that he can still slightly feel the weight (more noticeable when Argenti is wearing armor) and if Argenti has collapsed or is injured in his arms

Argenti: 7/10. A bit harder to carry cause of the large amount of metal (he's a strong boy, so dw), maybe a bit shaky the first few times Argenti picked him up

Random extra hcs and I don't know where to put </3

Boothill has flirted with Argenti many, many times when drunk, not even realizing that's his partner. Argenti always teases the cowboy about it the next day.

Boothill: .... why do ya' have.. mushrooms?

Argenti: I just think they're neat!

If you repost this on another website, please give credit. If you get inspired off my writing, please give credit. Do not put my work in any ai or repost it as your own work. Any like or repost is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading! -dixidin

Tags:

[fireemblems24]

Golden Wildfire Ch 11

On we go to ch 11. Things are . . . uh . . . interesting.

MAIN STORY

So if you didn't see ch 10, I failed to recruit Byleth. I retried the level a few time, but honestly I just want to finish this game so I didn't bother.

Plus, the reason I failed was that Claude just sat there instead of moving forward on the escort mission, which got really frustrating, and honestly I didn't want to bother.

Ugh, I don't want to fight the Kingdom.

So those Houses that wanted to defect to the Kingdom didn't because Claude's battle was that bloody in that fire map.

Poor Dimitri and co seems like he's just betting bullied for no real reason by two imperialistic maniacs.

I love how Arval is getting snooty over Shez getting credit for their tactics lamo.

Man, this dialogue is dragging.

So Nadar is going to cause diplomatic chaos by utilizing the Almyran army without getting real permission.

Wait, Claude riled up Sreng? So much for "ending racism" lamo. Wasn't having two cultures not be prejudice against each other like his MO? The writers really just threw him in the trash, hunh.

I feel so bad for Claude fans. He's really a piece of work in this.

MAP/SIDE STUFF

Everyone missing Judith has a lot more punch than Randolph. Even Monica was like "get over it" to Fleche (but nicely).

So, let me make sure I have this right. Mr. I Want to End Prejudice Between Cultures just provoked Sreng into attacking the Kingdom so Edelgard can take it over because Rhea is the reason for everything bad. Did I get that right?

Unlike SB, GW is entertaining as hell, but man is the logic here is just non-existant. And poor Claude RIP.

Like, I know I'm biased and all, but I don't see how you're supposed to be the heroes and not Dimitri here. The people just defending themselves are getting attacked on all 3 fronts for the crime of *existing.*

Not going to lie. I kinda wish Claude didn't side with you in AG either. It would've been hype to kick everyone's ass as Dimitri after getting cornered by all these land-grabbers.

GW!Claude is really just the mean girl's sidekick. 😂

If Felix and Rodrigue die in this chapter I swear to God . . . (I just remembered Rodrigue is dead in SB now 😭 - LET THIS MAN SURVIVE).

I had to fight Felix in a side mission. Lysithea said they had to "defend this place" - like, girl, you are invading.

When the challenge is "you can't dodge" but you're using Lorenz 😌👌 (FYI, he just does not take damage in this game)

SHEZ & HILDA A SUPPORT

They're talking about how Hilda exerted energy in a battle because she worried about Shez.

Hilda claims it's just self-defense bc she was cheering for Shez on the front lines and enemies were there (honestly, this is pretty boring so far)

It's the same-old Hilda claiming she's weak but that not being true.

SHEZ & CONSTANCE C SUPPORT

I know she's an Empire character, but whatever.

She wants to create new magics to restore her noble house and wants to research Shez bc of their weird magic

Lamo, Constance low-key called us dumb

Shez suggests she get her house back through military accomplishments.

Constance refuses to train right now, she wants to at night (it's her dual personality thing, right?)

CLAUDE & LYSITHEA B SUPPORT

Their first one. Claude's unhappy Lysithea charged in the last battle. But Lysithea kicked ass, so she's upset with Claude.

Claude calls her plan dumb and that he thought Lysithea was smarter than that. Lysithea still argues it ended earlier bc of her.

Lysithea doesn't back down.

Honestly, I side with her here. Claude's being patronizing. And it's rich of him not to care about all the other deaths dragging out the battle would cause and only Lysithea dying because she's *important*

CLAUDE & HOLST A SUPPORT

Oof, this one hurts. Claude accuses the church of creating all the systems to serve their own interests, because he doesn't know the truth here. That the Empire actually created most of it, and that all the church ever did was protect a genocided race from being murdered by more power-hungry humans.

It's also hysterical to hear Claude talk about wanting to improve foreign relations while instigating a war between two cultures.

Oof, Holst doesn't care about any of this. He's only worried Claude's going to send Hilda to marry a big, brown, scary foreigner. NOT a good look.

Holst says he cares more about Hilda's future than the whole Alliance. Yikes.

HILDA & HOLST A SUPPORT

They're preparing a feast.

Oh, it's nice to see Hilda's insecurities about Holst's "perfection" come up in this, bc so far she hadn't said much.

After that last support though, Holst is actually a pretty shitty leader.

Holst wants to make the feast all about Hilda instead of himself though. Hilda likes the attention.

Hilda basically had to set up her own feast lol.

HILDA & LINHARDT A SUPPORT

Hilda's cleaning, and Linhardt's honestly upset that he's lost a fellow lazy person.

Hilda claims she never pushes work on people. That, is a lie.

Linhardt is mostly worried how bad it'll look if he's the only one not working instead one of two.

All this support confirms that Linhardt is by far the superior lazy.

LORENZ & LYSITHEA A SUPPORT

Their only support.

So, not related to their support (and watch it counter it), but I find it pretty amusing how getting a leadership position faster matured Felix and Sylvain, but Lorenz is still a bit of a joke and the butt-end of every support he's in.

He's just bragging about how awesome his position and power is.

Lysithea says she's not inheriting her house. She claims it's because she doesn't like what comes with nobility, but we all know why.

She worried that the land will go to chaos without it's leaders though. Lorenz offers help (which, imo, he's actually mature here!)

Lorenz suspects she's turning it down for another reason and encourages her to rely on others to help.

RAPHAEL & LEONIE B SUPPORT

Raphael keeps snapping bows in half when he uses them. Leonie's shocked.

Leonie seems to actually make one and invites Raphael to test it while on guard duty with her.

IGNATZ & MARIANNE B SUPPORT

Marianne found his picture. He puts it down, but she likes it (it's a horse, well a pegasus, but of course)

Ignatz gets carried away talking about it, but Marianne finds it cute.

Ignatz finds Marianne loving pegasus cute. She blushes.

He wants Marianne's help, helping him paint a pegasus bc they don't like men, but if Marianne is around he can get closer and get a better painting. She's happy to help.

Honestly, this whole support is really cute.

MAIN BATTLE/STORY

It sucks having to attack the Kingdom over and over again when all they want to do is exist in peace.

Oh, joy, Nadar wants to plunder Faerghus. I can see why Fodlan is so evil for not wanting to let them do what they will.

GW really had a chance here to finally do something interesting with Almyra. It even marketed itself as a route that WOULD. But instead it's just doubled-down on Almyra being a one-note lawless place full of barbarians. At least we have Brigid and Duscur so the only brown country isn't some racist stereotype. Since it's only 1 of 3, it's not AS bad of a look.

Fuck. I don't want to kill Felix and Rodrigue. It would be one thing if the Kingdom actually provoked this, but Felix and Rodrigue haven't done anything to deserve this.

I get to recruit Ashe again. Is he miserable here too?

Ugh, I was hoping Felix and Rodrigue weren't here. It seems vastly unfair that it's only Kingdom characters who die for reel in this.

Wow. Claude's really an A-class asshole. He told Ashe to surrender because Dimitri wouldn't want him to die. Maybe don't invade for no reason then?

Is Claude also going to single Felix out as a citizen of Faerghus who deserves to live? Or does only Ashe count and not the nobles and unnamed grunts he's slaughtering because he decided to team up with the person who plans on taking over his rule? (not hate to Ashe at all, I honestly feel awful for him in this game)

Ok, so fighting Felix is just a side quest. I'd rather fail a side quest than fight Felix so, going to try to avoid having to kill him. Ugh, he's attacking the engineers. And he's damn right saying he has every right to kill the people who are invading his home.

Thank God, he just retreated.

I still love how Claude got bent out of shape over Ashe, but Lorenz alone has killed 500 citizens of Faerghus this chapter so . . .

Felix is so worried about Rodrigue. I swear the writers wanted you to feel like shit playing this route.

Oh, fuck. Just when I thought I was finished killing people for defending themselves, Daddy Gautier shows up :( He's sacrificing himself to safe Felix and Rodrigue, isn't he?

Oh, fuck. He died for real 😭

It's really hard to like these characters, making mindless chit-chat after killing Sylvain's daddy. I hope Sylvain fucks them up a new one.

I've never wanted to slap a character more than I'd love to slap Claude right now. The moron has the audacity to be surprised people are going to die while he's invading a foreign country. What a fucking stupid moron.

He's also blaming - get this right - chivalry.

I'm like. I'm speechless right now.

That's right guys. Margrave Gautier died defending his king, his country, his home, and most importantly one of his fucking best friends from an asshole invader. But it's CULTURE'S fault he died.

I'm really confused what the hell Claude thinks he's doing. Does he REALLY think killing Rhea will magically allow people to live as they please? Didn't he grow up in another country where they had princes and shit and NO Rhea?? All he's doing is making Edelgard's take over easier.

This is starting to feel like a borderline spoof. Look at us end the war by invading another nation!!! I mean???

What's his plan? Kill everyone in Faerghus - profit - "freedom" from Rhea - Edelgard takes over - no profit???

The writing in this route has gotten really fucking stupid. Like, I LIKE the idea of evil!Claude. Either a Claude who wants to take over all of Fodlan or one who's ruthless and will do anything to preserve Leicester.

But what I don't like is really fucking dumb Claude, which is what GW's devolved into.

Oh, God, now we get a flashback between father and son. Sylvain and Gautier :(

Sylvain better not be fucking recruitable in this route.

Now Sylvain's in charge 😭😭😭😭

I'm convinced someone who's a major Edelgard stan wrote the larger plot of this, but then a Dimitri stan wrote the actual dialogue 😅

We really go from one moment Claude being like - it's Rhea's fault Gautier died bc Kingdom culture bad because church bad to Sylvain being like, naw, he died defending his friends.

At the very least, I'll give Hopes credit here. At least they didn't write anyone opposing Edelgard as either evil or like they're idiots for resisting invasion, but I almost feel like they made the Kingdom especially too sympathetic which makes Edelgard look more interesting (since SB is more honest than CF) and Claude just look like a bozo. Rhea just doesn't look like anything since she's not even here.

Though, I REALLY wish Claude didn't side with us in AG. I really wish we got to see Faerghus backed into a corner and kick everyone's asses. They've very much the underdog and watching them do that would've been awesome.

Felix and Rodrigue are beating themselves up over this.

See, this is what I mean - Sylvain just said he's reserving all his hatred for the foreign invaders who take everything for no reason - I really feel like a Dimitri fan saw how everyone collectively decided to take a dump on the Kingdom in the big plot and got revenge by making everyone look like villains (or morons in Claude's case) for doing so in the writing.

xxx

[arliedraws]

Good Godfather Sirius Black Fest 2024

Day 6 Prompt: "Dating Advice"

Summary: Sirius gets home from a terrible date and reflects on it with ten-year-old Harry who has recently moved in with him. When Sirius makes an offhand comment about parenthood, it prompts both of them to reconsider their own self-talk. (Tonks is in it for about five minutes,fyi)

Pure godfather&godson bonding/family fluff. Sequel(ish) to “The Neighbor.”

@goodgodfathersiriusblack

AO3

----

“You’re back!”

The green-haired teenager sprang from the sofa, blinking sleep furiously from her eyes. Pins on her leather jacket clinked together as she skidded into the kitchen. With an oof, she slid too far in ripped black nylons, and Sirius caught her elbow before she rammed into the cabinet.

“Well?” she said, unfazed by her own clumsiness.

Sirius pulled a face at her.

“I told you not to date women,” she said, grinning.

“Last week you told me not to date men.”

“Yeah, I stand by that too.”

Sirius fished in his pocket for the bag of coins. The bag was considerably lighter than it’d been a few hours earlier before he’d exchanged wizarding gold for quid—a few hours of his life and cash he’d never get back. He withdrew a few Galleons and dropped them into her outstretched hand.

“Don’t you want me to find love?” he said.

Tonks looked sharply at him. “Love?” she said as if the word were new. The taste of it seemed to disgust her.“You’re looking for love?”

“I—” Sirius paused. “Er—aren’t I?”

“Are you?”

Sirius stared at her.

Was it love he wanted? Or was it lovemaking? He thought about the woman who had stolen several precious hours of his life—she was a complete imbecile but she wore tight jeans and a very low-cut top. Maybe it was just a rough go of it against a brick wall behind a pub that he wanted.

“I don’t know,” he said at last. “Have you ever been in love?”

“No,” she said, snorting. “Why would I do that? Have you?”

“In a way,” said Sirius. Then he frowned at her. “You do believe in love, don’t you?”

“Oh,” Tonks said. She nodded. “Yeah, ’course I do. I love my parents and friends, but I’ve never been in love. That sort of romantic stuff seems a bit…I dunno. Expensive.”

Sirius laughed despite himself and tossed the whole coin purse at her. Tonks, surprised, caught it.

“Harry’s alive, right?” said Sirius.

“Yeah,” said Tonks. She looked nervously at the coin purse as if she thought it might be a trick. “Sleeping, I expect. What’s this for?”

“Bit of a bonus. Did he eat?”

“Yeah. I’m a poor cook, though. Nearly burnt down the kitchen.”

“Ah, so that’s why it smells like charred corpse.”

“Of course you’d say that. You sound like Mad-Eye Moody.”

Sirius shoved aside memories of burned bodies as he inspected the huge black mark on the wall near the stove. Part of the drywall had crumbled onto the floor. Tonks blushed and pulled out her wand.

“Reparo!” she said. “Sorry. Forgot to do that before you got back.”

“What did you two eat, then? Charcoal?”

“Harry made us sandwiches.”

“You can’t make a sandwich?”

Tonks had moved towards the door and starting lacing up a chunky black boot, hooking each lace carefully before tying it off. “Didn’t want to risk it. Besides, Harry’s pretty good at the food thing, and I thought, well, if he wants to eat something halfway decent, let him do it. Anyway,” she said, pulling on the other boot, “we talked about going to the Puddlemere United match next weekend if you’ll let us. I’ve got an extra ticket for him if you’re all right with that.”

Sirius opened his mouth to say that he didn’t know if it was a good idea. Thinking better of it, he turned away and pretended to look at the calendar on the wall, knowing that he ought to say yes. What could happen at a Quidditch match in the middle of the day? Unfortunately, he could come up with myriad tragedies in his imagination, all of them ending with Harry’s funeral. But Tonks is an Auror trainee—she’s not stupid! Still, it churned his stomach to think about letting Tonks bring him to somewhere so crowded and so public…

“We’ll see,” he said finally.

“Well,” he heard her say, “send an owl by Thursday. I’m off.”

Sirius said farewell, and she left. Faintly, there was the pop! of Apparition from just outside the door. Pointing his wand over his shoulder, he hit the lock with a charm and it slid into place. The wards he and Dumbledore built around the house rendered a physical lock unnecessary, but locking a door never hurt.

The round clock that the former owner of the house had left behind was ticking slower than Sirius thought it should, but perhaps it was because he had simply grown used to hours that felt too long. The evening that he finally gave up on might have really lasted several days instead of three hours.

For the dozenth time, he wondered what possessed him to say yes to her. Sirius and Harry had been waiting in line at the cinema when the woman and her friend tapped him on the shoulder. Distracted by the way a long lock of her hair rested on her breast, Sirius accidentally said yes to her invitation to dinner much to his and Harry’s horror. For days, he agonized over the idea, but it was Harry who suggested he keep his word. After all, Harry had said, it might be rude to stand her up.

She was a Muggle woman whose name kept slipping out of his mind throughout their date. She was very dull. Loud, but very dull. All she wanted to talk about was how impressed she was that he was parenting his godson all on his own and how brave it was for him to take on such a burden. It might not have been so annoying if she had let him talk about Harry and explain that it wasn’t very hard to look after such a good kid, but she had no interest in that bit. In fact, she rolled her eyes and told him he ought to see how unique it was that a man could be so sensitive and so thoughtful.

Sirius went up staircase after several minutes of self-pity alone in the kitchen. The light was on in Harry’s room when he reached the top stair, so he knocked gently and poked his head in.

Harry was asleep. His glasses hung from his nose, a book about broomsticks was open on his lap, and he was propped up against several pillows, his head lolling over his chest. He was snoring. Sirius grinned and tiptoed inside. Gently, he reached for the precariously hanging spectacles when Harry’s eyes flew open.

“Sorry!” Harry blurted.

Sirius swallowed that familiar lump of fury at the Dursleys. Harry hated when Sirius told him he didn’t have to apologize, though Harry would never say so outright, so Sirius held back from saying that Harry had nothing to be sorry about.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” Sirius whispered. “Just taking off your glasses.”

Harry shoved them back over his nose. “When did you get back? Is Tonks still here?”

“Just now, and no, she left. Heard about the fire.”

“I didn’t know you could start a fire like that with just water.”

“It’s hard, but Tonks is a wonder,” said Sirius. “You can sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow morning.”

“How was your…date?”

The slur of sleep was quickly leaving Harry’s voice, and Sirius sighed inwardly. How good a parent could he be if he woke up his kid at midnight? But he couldn’t resist indulging Harry’s smirk.

Sirius flopped on his back onto the bed, groaning.

“Last week, you said you never wanted to go on another date. Why’d you tell her yes, then?”

“Cheeky boy,” said Sirius, popping his head up to glare at him. “You’re the one who said it would be rude not to show up.”

“Yeah,” admitted Harry. “But you shouldn’t’ve said yes in the first place. Why did you?”

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head, letting it bounce against the mattress. “Oh, Harry. Because I’m a bloody idiot. And she took me by surprise.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Well, you saw her. She had this sort of shape—” Sirius mimed with his hands “—and it seemed like a good idea for a second.”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. “Everything…nothing… Hard to explain. Look, Harry, never go for someone just because they look like this��” again, he mimed his date’s ample figure “—or because they’ve got an appendage like this—” he spread his hands wide. “It might seem like you’ve won the jackpot, but it’ll cost you a dozen galleons, several hours of your life you’ll never get back, and a wicked headache.”

“I don’t think I’m very interested in all that,” said Harry. “Er—dating.”

“Good. Save your gold. We’ll be bachelors together, old chum.” Sirius patted Harry’s leg. He lurched forward until he had propped himself on his elbows, eyeing the bedroom that was half-lit by the solitary lamp on the bedside table. “Think we should get a few decorations in here, Harry. Bit sparse, don’t you think?”

“So wait, what happened?” said Harry. “Was it like last time?

“The one with that bloke from the department store? No, it was different. Worse.”

Sirius didn’t need to look at Harry to know the boy had probably reddened at the memory. Though Sirius hadn’t regaled anything inappropriate regarding his evening with the young man named Matthew, he knew Harry was still unused to the idea that two men could date each other. Admittedly, it was rather new to Sirius too. Before Azkaban, he had never considered the possibility he could meet another man at a restaurant, share wine and talk about romantic things… And frankly, it still wasn’t easy. There were plenty of questioning, disgusted looks shot at them that Sirius pretended not to notice. What did worry Sirius, however, was that the Muggles were battling a strange disease spread through sexual encounters, and it was slaughtering entire communities. In the end, Sirius’s date confessed that he was too nervous to take things further and wished Sirius good luck in the future. It had been difficult to explain to Harry.

Harry’s understanding of men like Sirius came from his aunt and uncle’s declarations that anyone who engaged in such depraved activities ought to be beaten by police and locked away for sexual deviancy. Patiently, Sirius had guided Harry through his conflicted thoughts.

“Your aunt and uncle also hate magic,” he had said. “But do you think magic is bad? Punishable?”

“Oh,” said Harry after a moment. “Right.”

So when Sirius blurted yes to the woman at the cinema, Harry was confused again. After the woman and her friend had gone, Sirius quickly explained that to him, it didn’t really matter to him a person’s gender.

“Then what was wrong with her?” Harry asked, rubbing his eyes before he set aside the book.

Sirius shrugged. “Didn’t do it for me. I wanted to talk about things she wasn’t particularly interested in.”

“Like what?”

“Er—well, reckon she got a bit tired of me talking about you.”

“What? You talked about me? Why would you do that?”

“It’s just what parents do,” said Sirius, dismissively. Then he heard it. His soul might have detached from his body, then, as his own words echoed back between his ears. He realized what had come out of his mouth, what it must have sounded like. His stomach clenched with guilt, and he looked very quickly at Harry. “Er—I—”

Harry tried to hide it but Sirius could see the sudden swell of emotion gleaming in those big, green eyes before they fixed upon the floor. Sirius sat upright, grimacing.

“I didn’t mean—Harry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

Harry frowned. “You didn’t?”

“I’m not your dad. I know that. I swear, I’m not trying to take his place. It just slipped out.”

“Oh,” said Harry.

Sirius’s heart thudded. Was that…disappointment he heard in his voice? Harry had curled his hands into fists over the coverlet, knuckles white as if he were trying his hardest to keep his face impassive.

“Harry?” said Sirius after a long silence. “Harry, are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“Harry…” Sirius started slowly, peering into the boy’s face. “Did you like that I called myself your parent?”

“No, I’m being stupid,” said Harry in disgust. Ashamed, he pulled the book back into his lap and pretended to read, though his eyes were staring at one spot on the page.

Sirius reached for Harry’s chin and tilted it up with a finger. Harry resisted looking at him, but after a tense moment, he dragged his gaze to Sirius miserably.

“You’re not my dad,” said Harry, more to himself than Sirius.

“I’m not trying to be, and I could never take James’ place.”

“Yeah, I know. Look, it’s fine. I’m not asking you to be him.”

“But can I tell you something?” said Sirius, lightly.

“Sirius, it’s fine—”

“—I liked calling myself your parent.”

Harry shook his head. “No, you’re just saying that.”

“I don’t just say anything, Harry. What I said slipped out because it’s what I feel. The first thing I set out to do when I was released from Azkaban was to find you. When Dumbledore told me I couldn’t take you away from your aunt and uncle, I moved in next door because I couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing you. Even if you couldn’t know who I was for your own protection, I chose to live in that awful neighborhood to be close to you.”

“I’m sorry you had to—”

“Don’t be sorry,” said Sirius, trying to quell his annoyance. “Harry, don’t you understand? When you were born, my entire life changed. I helped your parents with everything—I put you to sleep, I carried you around while you screamed, I changed your rancid little nappies. I saw you take your first steps and say your first words. I know I’m not your father, but you’ve got to believe me when I say that I think of you as my kid. Can you accept that?”

To his relief, Harry nodded.

“Good,” said Sirius. He squeezed his face, squishing the crimson cheeks. “And if you call yourself stupid again, I’ll put a tickling hex on you until you admit you’re the most brilliant person in the world.”

“But I’m not—”

Sirius reached into his pocket. “Where’d my wand go?”

“Okay!” Harry blurted. “Okay, I won’t call myself stupid!”

“Then say it!” said Sirius, pretending to search in his jacket. “Say you’re the most brilliant person in the world.”

“All right—I’m brilliant!”

“That’s not what I told you to say, Potter. I’m sure I left my wand here somewhere— Ah! Here it is!”

Harry groaned. “Fine—fine. I’m the most brilliant person.”

“What’s the incantation? Rictus—”

“I’m the most brilliant person in the world!” Harry cried, scrambling from the aim of the wand. “I’m the most brilliant person in the world!”

Sirius grinned and caught him by the leg, yanking him back as Harry laughed and tried to get away.

“Say it again, you clever little genius,” demanded Sirius.

“Sirius!”

“Say it!”

“No!”

“Say it!” Sirius jabbed him in the side, and Harry curled up, howling with laughter, wriggling desperately to get out of his grasp.

“I’m the most brilliant person in the world!”

“Again!”

“No!” Harry said. This time, he managed to escape and fell off the other side of the bed. Sirius looked over the edge at the boy sprawled on the floor and made a swipe to grab him again, but Harry artfully flung himself out of the way.

Sirius groaned and turned onto his back again. “Dismal effort. But I suppose that’ll have to do for now. Maybe I’ll make you do lines tomorrow.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.” Sirius glanced at the clock and shot up. “Oh, Merlin’s balls, is that the time?” It was absurdly late, and here he was, calling himself a parent and chasing Harry around the room when they both should’ve been asleep. “Harry, you’ve got to get to bed!”

“Why?”

“Because it’s late! You can’t be running around all night like a Niffler.”

“A what?”

Sirius leapt from the bed and in a swift movement, scooped Harry by the legs, hauled him over his shoulder, and then dumped him on the bed. Before Harry could scuttle away, Sirius drew the coverlet up to his chin and pretended to sing, poorly, a very quick lullaby as Harry chuckled.

“Are you asleep now?” said Sirius when he’d finished.

“Oh yeah,” said Harry, rolling his eyes.

“See?” said Sirius, tucking the covers under Harry’s legs. “I might be a bad parent, but I can force you to go to sleep, can’t I?”

The joke, however, fell flat. To his surprise, the smile slipped from Harry’s face, and for a moment, it looked like Harry wanted to say something. His brows crumpled, and his mouth opened but nothing emerged.

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t say that.”

“Say what?”

“That you’re a bad parent. You’re the—” But then Harry closed his mouth.

“It’s okay,” said Sirius, pressing a hand against Harry’s chest. He rubbed for a moment, nodding slowly, feeling a quickening pulse beneath his palm. “I understand.”

“No,” said Harry, firmly, as though frustrated with himself. “You’ve got to hear it—”

“It’s all right, Harry.”

Irritated, Harry threw up his hands and said, “No it’s not. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! You shouldn’t—you shouldn’t make jokes like that. Don’t—don’t say things like you’re bad at the parent stuff.”

“Yeah, fine, all right.”

“Say it,” said Harry.

“Say what?”

“Say you’re good at parent stuff.”

“You can’t turn that back on me.”

“Yeah, I can.”

“Did you just roll your eyes at me, Potter?”

“Just say it, Sirius!”

“Fine!” said Sirius, sighing. “Fine—I’m—” it was actually bizarre to put into words, and he felt uneasy about it. He drew in a long, deep breath. “I’m good at parent stuff.” Feeling flushed in the face, he smiled humorlessly. “Satisfied?”

“No,” said Harry. “Maybe I’ll make you do lines tomorrow.”

“Oh, the horror.” Sirius pretended to faint backwards on the bed, still feeling the sour taste of Harry’s words in his mouth, wishing what Harry insisted about him was true. The bed shifted as Harry crawled out from his covers and flopped next to him.

“I think I’m done dating for a bit,” murmured Sirius, carding his fingers through Harry’s hair. “At least until you’re at school.”

“Why?”

“Too risky. Next time Tonks’ll burn down the house.”

Harry’s eyes closed. “Sirius…” he started quietly. “Can I give you some dating advice?”

Sirius grinned. “Yeah, what is it?”

“Pick someone uglier next time.”

[philsmeatylegss]

Hiii I just saw a post Abt the v day video and how it's fucked up and such and I was just wondering why? I found it a few years ago but it was just kinda cute tbh what's wrong with it? Lmao I'm definitely a newer phan, I only started really following their stuff in like 2017 so I don't know too much about early dnp lol

Oh fuck I’m old

I think it’s safe enough to finally talk publicly about it.

Basically the vday video was a video Phil made for Dan for Valentine’s Day. He uploaded it privately onto his YouTube channel which Dan had the password to so Dan could see it. At this time, Dan was on vacation (pretty sure in India) and he wouldn’t have been able to see a video of that quality just through text or email. Shitty luck, the same time he privately uploaded it, infamous YouTube glitch happened where all private videos became public. And one of the videos that went public was the v day video.

There’s a lot of jokes about Dan in 2012, but it’s actually really depressing. Dan wasn’t out yet and he had a fuck ton of trauma surrounding his sexuality. 2012 is when dnp started blowing up enough to where they became part of popular early YouTube so people saved the v day video when it was uploaded.

They’ve only addressed it a few times in which they said it was an April Fool’s prank, which obviously doesn’t make sense, but what were they supposed to say? According to legend, people would keep reuploading the video and Phil would spend hours taking them down one by one and it would say “AmazingPhil took down this video for copyrite.”

It was a catalyst to just a really shitty period for dnp. All aggressively heterosexual clips from Dan’s liveshows are my 2012. “FYI I like vagina” is 2012. People were contacting his 14 year old brother to ask about him and Phil. That alone is both fucked up to drag a kid into this, but remember that Dan still wasn’t out to his family. It was probably so fucking terrifying when his YouTube life, especially regarding his sexuality and relationship, clashed with his family life for the first time.

There’s a noticeable difference between their relationship in videos from 2009-2011 and 2012-2015. And it is most likely because dnp blew up pretty big in 2012 and started going from making YouTube videos for fun to doing it as a job with the added pressure of millions watching. And the catalyst, or at least metaphorical catalyst, from the switch between being openly touchy feely giggles to strict, five feet apart mates is considered to be the vday vid.

It was a big problem in the phandom since it was leaked to around 2017ish. A lot of people were circulating it and word was that they were still being taken down years later, implying that Phil was still searching for the video years later.

The phandom used to be primarily 12-16 year olds. And when you’re that age, speaking from experience, you don’t understand the complexities of the situation and just kinda thought “teeheehee phan is real XD.” When in reality, it was a very sensitive and serious thing that wasn’t meant to ever be seen by the public. It’s literally where the cherry lube and kissing at the Manchester Eye reference is from.

Rightfully so, the video became more and more taboo to mention and most people caught on that it was a shitty thing to upload or share it. It used to be really taboo and affectionately was often referred to as “the video that shall not be named.”

It honestly has a backstory that is so story-like that it seems unreal. So much had to happen for it to be leaked and the impact it had on them was so large it’s like a black hole in phandom history.

It’s possible not all of this is accurate, this is just the basic lore of it. So while I don’t think the internet police will drag you to prison for saying you watched the vday video, this is the context behind it. Do with it what you will.

Spending your entire preteen, teen, and now 20s as a phannie will fry your brain in unimaginable ways. I knew this off the top of my head😭

[absolutebl]

Hi.

I was watching TharnType for the first time. I started wondering why people have issues with gay for you and wifey and other things like that. From what I'm seeing it isn't intended in a harmful spirit. It's not received badly in the show in context. I'm not just specifically talking about TharnType but just these tropes in general. I was wondering if someone, the writer/screenwriter, director, any actor or someone else said that they'd intended it as demeaning or in a bad way... I don't know if I phrased that correctly. But I guess I'm wondering what people are basing this on. Even UWMA's Pharm's entire demeanor. Before I watched it I'd read that he is too feminine and damsel in distress-y. But watching the show made me realize that he is traumatized. I noticed similar patterns with other shows as well. Is it audience interpretations?

BL Is a Mess of Really Damaging Stuff & You Probably Shouldn't Just Accept it

Because, if you do just accept it without thought, you're also being damaged. If you're gay, you're being taught a type of gayness that doesn't exist and will fuck up your expectations. If you're straight you're misinterpreting what an entire group of people are like (that's prejudice, FYI). And if you're somewhere in between you're learning really bad behavior patterns for your coming out and self actualization journey.

And no, I don't think you're capable of distinguishing fiction from reality, because you've just asked a question that patently demonstrates a burgeoning parasocial tendency. (And yes, parasocial relationships can and do form with fictional characters. Why do you think I am so terrified by KinnPorsche fandom and shipper culture?)

Here have some education, first one is free:

Imaginary Friends & Real-World Consequences: Parasocial Relationships (YouTube video)

But also, if you don't want me to rant about this, and you just wanted to justify your questionable taste, you should stop reading right now. I get it, denial is great! Go sail that river.

Here I am talking about the good BL can do. That doesn't mean I'm blind to its flaws.

Still reading?

Okay, well, now you asked for it.

And guess what, I'm not gonna sugar lube coat it.

Consider yourself Drunk Type lying in a bed and I'm Tharn's c*** shoving some dry BL reality into your a******.

Oh, don't like that image, do you?

Tough nuts.

Put yourself in my position. I don't wanna have to do this either.

Consider this a "BL narratives made me do it" post.

I'm not responsible for anything, I'm just an archetype.

I'll be your seme for today and you were all just "too cute" for me to resist and now you have to take some tumblr dub con...

But first:

Seme uke when it specifically conflates seme with "the man" and uke with "the girl" is old fashioned, anti-feminist, and anti-queer. Here's some of where I talk about it, but I talk about it a lot. Too much, some might say.

Pharm is a blushing maiden archetype character, I talk about it and what that means here:

It's sex negative. And a lot of it stems from internalized misogyny and ties to something called benevolent sexism. It's pretty rampant in BL.

Yes I think Pharm's behavior can be perceived as traumatized, but that trauma is brought about by In's past actions and the fact that In was punished (BY THE NARRATIVE) not just for being gay but for being a self-actualized pro-sex uke character.

There is a distinction being made between critical discourse over narrative versus how the characters behavior makes an audience feel (within the immersive experience of the drama). Some viewers care about this distinction, others do not.

I very much get why someone might like TharnType (I did) but actually also, you might want to think about why you like it despite the messages the narrative is sending... You might want to think about not just the characters in their little perfect romance world together, but consider if you were in the position of either of those characters how you would feel or behave.

And NOW the Dub Con Portion of tonight's BL party

Okay I was trying to be my usual semiseme-welcoming snark self but ya know what, let's be VERY FUCKING CLEAR HERE because I am jet lagged and tetchy....

We (the collective of BL critics here on tumblr) aren't always talking about WHAT is depicted so much as HOW it's depicted, and whether that HOW allows the WHAT to skate by without encouraging the audience to reflect on the damage the WHAT does to their own perception of what is romantic. Or what is queer. Or what is morally acceptable for decent human interaction.

Like thinking, for example, that it's okay for Tharn to RAPE Type while he is drunk.

Why on earth is that okay? It's NOT OKAY. It's just NOT!!!!

Did Type ask for it?

Did he dress too sexy?

Was his skirt too short?

Was he too much of a jerk?

Did he want it anyway?

Did he not protest enough?

Did he protest too much?

You gonna make that call for him, are you? You read his mind (apparently the way Tharn can?)

But SERIOUSLY.

What if you were actually in Type's position? Roommates with someone you didn't like who molested you when you were drunk. At home. In your own bed. What if that roommate didn't look like Tharn? What if your roommate were the wrong gender or body type or age or familial relationship (!) for your preferences? How would you actually feel?

Because if you're okay with this, really okay for yourself, you have a strong kink and you need to seek out the appropriate community or you are signing up for a very abusive relationship and likely an early death.

Can't put yourself in Type's shoes/bed?

How about Tharn?

Are you the kind of human who would molest a drunk person just because you desired him? Her?

Because they're homophobic and you want to punish them with your queerness?

Because they were a jerk to you?

You always get back at people by raping them?

You an old white dude putting your hand down secretary's shirts because they're just "too cute to resist"?

Why should you have to resist taking what you want? Who cares that there is a whole other human involved?

Grabbing ladies by the pussy any chance you get and bragging about it, are ya? Or is it somehow different or less damaging because TT is dude on dude?

So, are you gonna justify taking what you want and violating another person because they're the same sex?

Now who's being "gay for you"? This is going all the way into DL closet case "it doesn't count if it's with a man" territory.

Because if you are any of the above 8, please block me right tf now. (And... do I have a world leader to recommend for YOU to get into a car with.)

GAH!

Fucking TharnType.

Anygay...

I talk about dub con here:

My initial post about TharnType is here, but more recently here's us having a whole ThanType discourse unpacking Mame among other things as part of the BL movement both as a genre and as a fandom:

and here's an important article on rape culture in Thailand

Gay for you talked about here:

Wife language talked about here:

I'm gonna go watch some BL trash that, hopefully, doesn't have any rape in it. (You never know tho...)

Fuck me (consensually) I am so tired.

I'd drink but I did too much of that already this week.

Maybe I need to eat something.

Don't troll m,e just block me.

For heaven's sake please.

(source)

[oldworldwidgets]

DELILAH TIME DELILAH TIME

here she is. officially. my beloved fallout 4 oc delilah !!!! first piece done by @zetobii and the second by @leavingautumn13

i dont draw so all art of delilah comes from my dear friends who draw her for me/with their ocs and tell me i can post it OR from commissions. what i can do, however, is write <3 and make playlists and pinterest boards for visuals <3 so prepare urself <3

speaking of which, you can find her playlist here and her pinterest board here!! theyre chronological, so listening/scrolling in order should more or less tell her story too

ok so: her appearance, personality, stats, story, and some fun facts are here under the cut (its a lot fyi ok i just love her so much) pls enjoy

delilah lore (delilore?) be upon ye:

appearance:

24 years old, 5’10”

very fair skinned with bright green eyes and jet black hair

her hair is wavy and flows down to the middle of her back. she has one small braid behind her right ear

covered in freckles, from her nose to her knees. she has a tiny scar above her mouth from a past split lip and a slit in her opposite eyebrow from a past black eye

midriff is heavily discolored from past bruises - the pigmentation never fully went away - and marred with keloid scars from deep cuts from things she refuses to talk about. if her dress has a high enough slit, bruises can peek out near the very tops of her legs

large black kingsnake tattoo wrapping up a her left arm with its head near her shoulder and its tail near/on her hand

she can almost always be found in her wine-colored silk dress that reaches only about mid-thigh, nails manicured and lips painted to match. it has spaghetti straps and is loosely bodycon.

she wears stacks of gold rings (as many as possible, really) and dangly gold snake earrings

the only things she keeps on her person are the dagger and the gun strapped to her thighs under her dress. her gun was a gift from KL-E-0. it is a custom gold-plated, silenced 10mm. lilah named it "Mine"

stats:

if fo4 had a karma slider, lilah would land pretty firmly on evil. on a dnd alignment chart, think chaotic neutral or neutral evil

SPECIAL: 2, 8, 2, 10, 7, 4, 3

she's not strong nor has much endurance, but when you're as smart, perceptive, and charismatic as she is, you can charm people into carrying your stuff for you anyway.

her perks are party girl (alcohol/chem resistance), black widow (damage/persuasion against men), night person (higher int at night), and intimidation (pacify, instruct, and force opponents to attack). and deacon's cloak and dagger, of course.

personality:

cold, calculated, distant

cares about very, very few people (and even fewer things) but is fiercely loyal to those people. she's a railroad agent, but only because deacon cares about the cause and she begrudgingly cares about deacon

she and deacon clash. he refused to even vouch for her admission to the railroad. she gets along much better with glory, but she still gets assigned to run jobs with deacon because they keep each other in check and are deadly efficient as a pair (theyre also in love but they keep it a secret from everyone including each other)

she cares about very very few people but it fiercely loyal to those people. she is a railroad agent, but only because deacon cares about the cause and she "begrudgingly" cares about deacon (she cares literally so much do not let her fool u)

her moral compass is not magnetic. right and wrong is whatever she wants it to be. she takes no issue killing people if they wrong her. sexual harassment or subterfuge/targeted deception send marks to the top of her hit list.

her story:

her birth name is allie eden

she is not a sole survivor; she was born into the capital wasteland chapter of the brotherhood of steel. despite sentinel lyons' best efforts, delilah responded far better to scribe training than to combat training

she and arthur maxson were the only two kids in the citadel, and they became fast friends, even after the lyons pride crumbled and maxson was appointed elder.

he appointed her his sentinel, second in command, which she embraced until she saw how terribly the wasteland was faring under his leadership.

she promptly absconded and, because she had been so sheltered until that day, quickly lost herself to chems and alcohol.

months passed in, thanks to all the blackouts, what felt like hours. one night, allie woke up in a warm bed that she did not fall asleep in. a man named dante deangelo had pulled her body from a D.C. gutter and made sure she was safe.

in no time, they fell in love and decided to escape to the commonwealth. they found a small, basement apartment in goodneighbor and allie began tending bar at the third rail.

dante, slowly but surely, became more abusive. he left bruises and deep cuts on her body anywhere her third rail uniform would cover. she stayed, though, because she'd been raised by the brotherhood to believe that love was harsh and painful. to obey without question. to submit to authority.

eventually, she tired of that life and snapped, killing dante before he could leave any more marks on her. something... shifted. maybe it was allie eden who entered their apartment that morning, but it was delilah who left it that night.

KL-E-0, who was quite fond of allie and is far fonder of delilah, fitted her with pistol, Mine.

instead of hiding behind the bar like she had when she was with dante, she began to use it to her advantage. every dusty drifter with full pockets full of caps left her bar empty handed. but it wasnt enough.

she began targeting triggermen, who she knew were peddling chems for... someone in goodneighbor. the moment a man started flirting with her (which she hated), it was like a red dot sight appeared on their foreheads. she'd seduce them, take them back to her apartment, get her caps and chems and information, and the men would never be seen again.

morowski, goodneighbor kingpin, eventually approached her at work about his shrinking pool of chem peddlers. they struck a deal: he would slip her into his operation as his newest arm candy, and she would peddle his chems at her bar.

it worked flawlessly until morowski actually fell in love with her. go figure. unless, of course, that was lilah's plan all along...

while she's still participating in this farce with morowski, she meets drummer boy, who she ends up truly enjoying the company of even despite her general distaste for men. eventually, he convinces her to join the railroad with him

because morowski is in love with delilah, she has no issue squeezing information out of him when deacon asks her to: morowski is an institute informant. lilah quickly, uh, deals with that problem, and the next days, morowski is found dead in his office at the rexford. cause of death: self inflicted gunshot wound. what a tragedy.

because delilah was his "other half," his unofficial widow, she inherited morowski's whole chem operation

now, she happily spends her days directing the triggermen and tending her bar - for fun and for information, at this point, because she certainly doesnt need the caps. when she needs to run for the railroad or her beloved friends need her professional black widow skills, whitechapel charlie is "happy" to cover for her. as happy as he can manage, anyway.

fun facts:

she is terrified of storms, heights, and violent outbursts from people she trusts

her name comes from the bible story of sampson and delilah, where delilah is paid by the government to seduce sampson (a man of god) and tempt him to sin by telling her what gives him his inhuman strength. after three attempts, she is successful. sampson tells her that god gives him his strength through his hair. she then cuts his hair, which ultimately leads to his death. i mean what a bad bitch

she is still deeply unhappy even after she wraps goodneighbor around her finger because she still doesnt know who she is

she's skeptical of maxson's move to the commonwealth. she is very much on the run from him (and the bortherhood as a whole), and ham happily vets drifters for her to ensure theyre not undercover brotherhood before letting them into the bar.

she and maccready arent exactly "friends" but they harbor mutual respect for each other since they spend so much time together. mac had to call her off like a guard dog when winlock and barnes paid him a visit, so shes confident he would do the same if the brotherhood ever came knocking.

[frannyzooey]

Hi Kelli! Tumblr errored out while I was sending this the first time so I think it didn’t go through but if you did in fact already get this feel free to ignore the duplicate! (Damn you, tumblr)

I really appreciated reading your thoughts on age gap a little while ago and had a follow up question for you. What are your thoughts on the idea I see circulating sometimes that age gap fics are alienating to folks who don’t want to read them or feel like they can’t identify with it? I never see myself as “reader” personally, but I know some folks do and would never want to perpetuate a problem or make anyone’s experience in fandom less cozy or welcoming. It’s definitely something that makes me nervous to post any of my writing (even the majority non-age gap stuff) especially in the Pedro fandom space, and I know the argument that everyone curates their own space and can choose not to read something probably applies here, but it still makes me hesitate.

I did not get this ask the first time! *shakes fist at tumblr*

FYI: the other ask, for reference ❤

So, I have not come across this particular sentiment but I have seen my fair share of hate on age gap for various reasons, and I wanna touch on a couple things in this ask because you are being so brilliantly vulnerable sending it in ❤

First off: the main thing I write is age gap: Weeknights, In the Dark, The Secret, Dave/Nanny, Dave/Intern, SDLN. Now let me tell you something else: I am 38 years old.

You would think that I wouldn't be able to identify myself in those stories because of my age: I'm not in college, I'm not in my 20's, I'm not some young, pretty thing. I also don't want to envision myself as a younger person, I also have nothing against aging and it's not because I secretly loathe older women.

It's the dynamic.

In truth, I find them soothing/cathartic to write about/read because they describe something that was missing for me at not only that age, but to some extent now as well: care.

To read about a situation in which an older person cares for and desires the younger one: that is something I seek out because I like it. I'm soothed by it, it's my favorite daydream, it's a situation that I have always been drawn to. I have always been attracted to someone experienced in the ways of the world taking care of me, in whatever form that takes shape in.

Will everyone in the fandom find it soothing? No. In fact, some might be triggered by it, or have their own life experiences that tell them it's inherently wrong, or like you stated above, for whatever reason they just don't identify with the desire to read about it.

However - I do. I'm not everyone, and I get that, but I write (and consume) for me, and for (hopefully) others who are like me to enjoy.

The act of sharing your work is a very vulnerable thing, and to pair that with posts about how some people will never be able to identify with the things you want to write about in a very shame filled manner of speech makes it even more scary, and I get that.

I really do, I've felt it and it’s a hard thing to have to see and feel.

However, in order to post online in any fandom, you sort of just have to say "self, this is important to me, so fuck it."

They can read it, or they can not: that's up to them. If they don't identify with it, then they can go seek out other media that they do identify with. If they don't like it, that's not on you. There are plenty of stories in which I don't identify with the reader for various reasons, but I either enjoy the fics for different aspects of the story, or I scroll on by.

I have a lot of opinions/theories on why people make posts like that but I won't bore you - at the end of the day, you create the content you want to consume, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. ❤

[hockeyandhrsepwr]

Montreal

Je t'aime series

F1 driver reader x hockey player bf

When the Montreal GP & Eastern Conference finals fall on the same weekend, certain worlds collide….

The insta edit

Notes: Takes place in 2024 so everyone is a year older - reader is an 01 baby so 23 & all the hockey guys are playing for their respective NHL teams. (For plot purposes, Montreal is the second last race before the summer break - still takes place in mid-June though) Danny, Mick & Seb are still on the grid because I say so & I’m trying not to have a breakdown over Seb being gone gone. 

For Formula 1 driver y/n l/n, this weekend marks her return home as we head to Montreal for the Canadian Grand Prix. We sat down with the championship leader to talk about what that means for her.

Thanks so much for talking to us today Y/n. How excited are you to be back home in Montreal? 

I’m pretty pumped. It’s always nice to be back and have so much of my family be able to come. The track is always a special one to race on & I’ve had a few good races here before, so hopefully this weekend will add to that. The little break after means I can spend a few days here before heading into Silverstone so that’s nice. 

Any exciting plans for those few days?

Definitely catch a hockey game! It’s hard to watch games live with the travelling & living in Monaco, so while I’m here I’m definitely going to get to the Bell Centre. It worked out really well that the Habs are playing on Sunday night & it’s such an exciting game, with it being Game 7 in the conference finals. Montreal fans are absolutely incredible so hopefully the boys can bring this one home! The city’s going to be pretty wild on Sunday, and hopefully I can add to the excitement with a win here too!

I never would have known there was a game this weekend. It’s not like there’s stuff all over the city. Hopefully they can win it at home! Actually, speaking of hockey, your dad played, correct?

Yeah, so he played pro in the US and then Switzerland and Germany. So, I spent about 8 years over there before moving back here permanently, and then when I was about 14, moved back over for racing. but Montreal is definitely home. 

Did you ever consider hockey or were you always set on the formula, single seater series? And how did you settle on motorsport?

So, I played hockey growing up but once I hit 12ish I had to choose since both were getting more competitive and there wasn’t enough time. I would’ve loved to go pro in either, but F1 is where my heart is. I still play whenever I can though. Lance & I like to try finding rinks when we travel and have a little battle. I’m currently 4 wins up, just fyi. Or whenever I visit my best friend, we go out & have some fun, even though that’s not often. I’m not beating him unfortunately but it’s pretty hard to beat a pro when he’s working on his skills constantly and I’m playing maybe 20 times a year. As kids though I could whoop him. The decision for karting/single seater over hockey was hard, but I’d been hooked since I sat in my first kart. I think part of it was being able to travel all over racing & just experience so many cool things. And with Formula 1, there’s 20 spots, right? So, if you make it as a driver, you’re one of the top in the world. With hockey there are so many incredible female players already, and as we know not many in motorsport. I wanted to be able to inspire young girls in sports as well. I think I made the right decision for me. 

 My dad was a big F1 fan, so I’d been watching races basically since birth. We were living in Germany during the Schumacher era, so everyone was really into it and that definitely helped ha-ha. It’s kind of crazy that I ended up going through all the feeder series with Mick in the end & we obviously became good friends when his dad was one of the main reasons I started racing. And having him show up to watch races was insane! But yeah, once I sat in my first kart I was hooked! If three year old me who had that Schumacher Ferrari merch could see me now ha-ha. 

Ah the Schumacher era, that’s how so many people got interested. And your best friend is a hockey player? I don’t know if that’s ever come up, so can I ask about that? 

Ah so actually, our dads played together in Switzerland & bonded over being from Montreal, so once my parents moved to Germany, about two years after I was born, they still visited each other. The two of us spent a lot of time together as kids during those visits, especially playing hockey. We moved back a few years before his family, but they were always around in the summer & we stayed pretty close. We’re apart a lot but were both living our dreams so its pretty special when we can get together. he’s one of my favourite people so shoutout to Thomas. You’ll probably see him in the paddock this weekend since he’s around here somewhere. 

That’s such a great story! What team does he play for, and for anyone who’s maybe looking at which team to support, who would you recommend?

So he plays for San Jose, the Sharks, but I’m a Canadiens girl all the way. You can’t grow up in Montreal and not get support them. We’re having a great season, so fingers crossed for Sunday! But I do support the Sharks, definitely my favourite Western team, no bias here ha-ha. I’ve met a lot of great guys through Thom too who play, so I do try and keep up with their teams, but Habs all the way baby!

Alright, there you have it folks. Y/N thanks for sitting down with us, good luck this weekend! I’m sure we’ll see you soon!

You shake Natalie’s hand & thank her for having you. Exiting the media pen, you start making your way back towards the Ferrari garage, waving at Lewis when an arm’s thrown around you shoulder.

“Ready for Sunday’s game?” Lance says, “Time to kick some Devil ass and then get the cup.” 

“Yeah, I just have a race to win first” you stick your tongue out at him as he punches you in the arm. 

“Your boy toy coming today?” You roll your eyes “yes he has a pass, so he’ll be around somewhere. There’s a bunch of them coming. Not sure when though…”

“YO MCQUEEN!” you hear from down the lane. “There it is” you shrug off Lance & speed up as Thomas comes running at you. Damn he’s quick. You meet in the middle and grab him in a hug. “tu m’as manque” (I’ve missed you) he whispers in your ear, squeezing the life out of you. It’s been a while since you’ve seen each other, mid-January at least. When you were still on break and made it to a game of his where you hung out for a week before heading back across to Italy for training. You talk almost every day though

“Missed you too Bords. It’s been too long. Congrats on your run though. You guys played really well.” It sucked that the Sharks got knocked out in round 2, but they had a good team. Next year they’ll have it. His phone starts ringing and he pulls it out.

“Ah shit, the idiots are lost.’ He rolls his eyes as you laugh.

“They’re at the Ferrari garage. We should probably go before they end up breaking stuff” We start off towards Ferrari, when Lance catches up to us. “Hey man, how’s it going?” The two have met before, when you were all kids in Montreal. They catch up as you walk over, when you notice a bit of a crowd. You nudge Thomas

“Those yours?” and point towards the commotion. You get there & see a few familiar faces. You run over to give Thomas’s sister a hug before turning to the hockey players gathered. You count five, but there may be more floating around. Thomas had 10 passes altogether. 

“Sup boys” you give Brendan, Matty & Owen a hug, then do your handshake with Truss. You visited Michigan a few times when Bordy was there, so you got close with his roommates & friends. You managed to stay pretty off the radar since F1 isn’t as popular in the US, so you got some of that college experience that you missed out on. Plus, he’s brought you to the Hughes Lake house a couple of times so you got to know a bunch of the other idiots there. 

“Y/n you traitor!” Lance calls from somewhere behind me. “What did I do?” You yell in indignation as someone spins you around to see Jack Hughes making his way towards you. “Ah Fuck off Lance, we all know he has no chance!” Cheers from people around tells you that there’s quite a few Canadiens fans in the paddock right now.

“Hell yeah they don’t” You see Cole behind him along with Luke Hughes & Phil. 

“Is this everyone?” They nod “okay, come with me. Lance, I’ll see you later.” You lead the crew of hockey players into the Ferrari garage, taking them up to the hospitality area. “As nice as it is to see you all, why are all of you here?”

“Osheaga (Music festival – it usually happens in August but for the plot it’s happening in June) was last weekend, so we all just stayed, especially once Bordy told us he could get tickets. And we’re going to the game on Sunday” Briss pipes up. 

“Yeah, I know nothing about F1 But it looks pretty cool so I’m excited” Luke says. You gasp, the blasphemy.

“How much time have we spent together Hughesy, and you still know nothing? I’m wounded” Dramatically you hold your hand to your chest. Your phone starts going off, your timer that your trainer set going off as Charles approaches you. He beckons you since he has the same reminder.

“Alright boys, I’ll see you later, but I’ve got practice. Ask any of the lovely workers here if you need a hand with anything. Peace out” You walk off with Charles, making your way further into the motorhome. Once you get to your driver room you start your usual routine. About 20 minutes in, as soft knock on the door interrupts you “babe? You free?” 

You open the door & pull your boyfriend in. ‘“God, I missed you.” You press your lips to his, savouring the kiss. “ the minute I can I’m taking you out properly. I don’t care where, but we’re going out. Hopefully with something to celebrate” You wrap your arms around him and nod “sounds good. When are you leaving?” “Monday early afternoon” he pouts and he’s so cute you just have to kiss him again.

“Two more weeks then I’m all yours for the summer.”

“Deal. Now get back to it.” He slaps your ass and you continue your usual routine with the occasional commentary from him. He slips out a few minutes before you leave, heading down to the garage for practice. 

Two successful practice sessions later, you’re done for the day. You’re chatting with Charles when Thom finds you. You introduce him around since he hasn’t met many of the boys, just Lance & Mick. The other hockey boys have left but you make your way back to the hotel. As much as you’d love to stay at home, it’s a little further out so you stay at the hotel with the rest of the crew. Once you enter, you spot a crowd exiting the restaurant. Ah, apparently the Devils are staying here.

You whistle, “damn, who let some losers in?” As others laugh. Jack flips you off, but someone else comes running over

“y/n/n!!” Nico hugs you. You knew each other as kids, his dad being involved for the team yours had played for. Whenever your family would visit the Bordeleau’s, you’d see him. You & T would bug him lots since there weren’t many kids to hang around with. “Can you introduce me to Sebastian Vettel?” He whispers in your ear. “Get out of here” you push him away. 

The rest of the team us standing there, mouths open. “Sup McQueen” Luke waves. You’re going to kill Thomas for that nickname, but you wave back before dragging Thomas towards the elevator. You’ve got catching up to do & he knows that tomorrow you’ll be in race mode & not want any distractions.

“Where are the rest of the boys staying?” You ask him. Obviously, Jack & Luke with the team here, but he tells you that the rest of them managed to get 2 rooms in this hotel, so they’re close by. “My parents offered to let us stay with them, but we’ve been pretty rowdy so I thought this would be better.” 

A few hours later you need to get ready & go to bed so you’re in top form for quali tomorrow, so Thomas heads to the room he’s sharing, wishing you luck beforehand. He knows that tomorrow you won’t want to see anyone until after qualifiers. You’re almost done your routine when Ring. A soft smile takes over you face. He always calls before he goes to bed, just to say good night. You do same & most of the time you miss each other so you have lots of cute voicemails saved on your phone. 

“Hey superstar. This whole being in the same time zone thing makes it a little bit easier hey?” He chuckles “yeah babe, it definitely does. Hang on” you hear some shuffling on his end and then a door open. “Roommates kick you out?” you laugh as he huffs, “I don’t want to disturb them so I’m going to the conference room so I can facetime. How are you feeling for tomorrow?” The request pops up & you see him sitting in one of the rooms. 

“Pretty confident. It’s a good car & it’s nice that everyone was able to come so I’d love to get a win for them. Think you’ll be able to sneak out tomorrow night?”

“Are you sure? I know how much you need your routine. I don’t want to mess anything up for you.”

“No, I want cuddles” you pout “and you know I sleep better when I’m next to you” you can hear the smile in his voice as he says “I’ll see what I can do. Now you’ve gotta go to bed so you can kick butt tomorrow. I love you & I’ll be watching.” He blows a kiss. “Love you too. Tomorrow night, okay?”

“Yep, I’m all yours. Ill text you before you go out tomorrow since I know I’m not going to see you. But you’re gonna kill it.” You lay down on the bed and just look at him.

“God you’re cute. I still can’t believe you’re mine.” He blushes, like he always does when you complement him.

“You better believe it. nearly four years in and I’m never letting you go.” Damn it now you’re blushing. “Okay Casanova, I really should go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you” you blow a kiss & hang up because you know from experience that you’ll just go back and forth for the next hour otherwise. 

Saturday

You wake up fired up & ready to go. Moving quickly, you and Charles meet up & drive to the circuit. There’s a lot more people here today which you love. You go through practice & then it’s time for qualifiers. Q1 & 2 go smoothly, with you landing in the top five, but you want that pole position. It’s so much sweeter especially with this being your home race. As Q3 gets underway, that’s what you’re aiming for. Unfortunately, it’s only P2, but at least its only Charles in front. You know you can get ahead of him with the right strategy.

Meeting up with Thom & the crew at the hotel, you grab a quick dinner in the restaurant. You stop by the front desk & grab an extra key, slipping it onto your boyfriend’s pocket when you’re giving all the guys hugs. After about an hour you have to excuse yourself for a team meeting, and 2 hours later you finally make it back to your room.

You’ve just closed the door & are turning around when “BOO!” & you jump a foot in the air. 

“Putain! Jesus Christ you fucker.” Your heart is racing a million miles as you take in the sight before you. Jack has half his body still in the bathroom but has fully on the floor, just about crying from laughter. “That’s not why I gave you the key, connard.” You say as you help him up. “I ha-ha couldn’t ha help myself.” He dissolves into another fit of giggles. You move towards the bed as he comes up behind you. Arms around your waist as he buries his head in your neck. 

“This is harder than I thought” “I know, let’s just get through this weekend. A couple weeks then well be back at the lake with everyone who knows & we can do this every night.” He places a kiss at the junction of your neck.

“Promise?” you turn your head and give him a kiss. “Promise. Well talk about next season too. I’m sick of not seeing you for months.” He nods.

“you’re coming to the game tomorrow, right?” “Do you even have to ask?”

“Okay smartass, but will you root for me?” He sounds a bit sad as I turn in his arms. “I want you to win, I really do.”

“Oh yeah, not your precious Habs?”

“Wow. The sarcasm is strong with this one. I want both of you to win, but since that’s not possible, I’d say I have a slight interest in Jersey winning the cup.” “Only slight, eh?” he tickles my sides.

“I know how hard you’ve worked so yeah. As much as it pains me to say, and if you tell anyone else, I’ll kill you, but I do hope you win. If only so we both get one this weekend.” 

You kiss him again before pulling him into the bathroom & running the bath. It’s your regular night before race routine, made much sweeter by him being there. “I don’t know if I ever told you, but Thomas was my favourite person that summer.” He mumbles into your hair as you sit in the tub. 

“The one we met?” “Yeah, when he brought you to the lake house for a few weeks.”

Now your confused. You tilt your head back & raise an eyebrow “when you barely said four sentences to me?” he grins sheepishly.

“I was intimidated. You were the prettiest girl I’d ever seen & you drove fast cars for a living. It took me a whole year to gain the confidence to ask you out the next summer. And then you didn’t even show up with him! I was this close to asking for your number when you turned up a week later.”

“Aw, well I’m glad you manned up.” He sticks his tongue out. “I can’t believe that was five years ago. We were babies”

“Yep and now you’re stuck with me.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way”. 

(They meet when they’re 18, but he doesn’t ask her out till 19 & now they’re 23) 

You both get out & go about your night routine with some additional commentary from Jack. When you finally settle into bed, he wraps his arms around you from behind, pulling you to his chest.

“je t’aime” He whispers and a smile creeps onto your face like it does every time he uses his limited French. “je t’aime aussi.” You whisper back as you snuggle back into him.  

Sunday Morning. 

You wake to a kiss pressed on your cheek. “I’ve got to get back to my room before the team meeting. I won’t see you before the game but go kick some ass. I love you & we’ll be celebrating tonight” Jack whispers in your ear before pressing a kiss to your lips and leaving. About a half hour later your alarm goes off & you start your pre-race routine.  Thomas stops by to wish you luck before you head to the track with Charles & your trainer. Ten minutes before you need to head to the garage your phone pings. It’s a picture of Jack & Luke with the caption ‘good luck!!!’ 

You smile before heading out to get into your gear. Soon it’s time to line up on the grid & you hop in. 

You settle in, ready to go as the countdown starts & the lights go. 

“It’s lights out & away we go here in beautiful Montreal!”

59 laps in you sneak past Charles, an early stop strategy paying off in your favour as ten laps later you take the win. After pulling your car in behind the first-place stand, you jump out & soak in the noise. Cheers from fans and your team ring out, as you spot one person in particular.

Hopping off the car, you run over to the barriers and grab Thomas in a hug. It’s the first F1 race you’ve won with him there, so you know he’s excited. After letting him go you hug your engineers & team before being pulled into a quick interview with Natalie. 

“Y/n, that was a beauty of a win, how are you feeling? What’s it like to win it at home?”

“Oh my god, amazing! Winning any day is an incredible feeling but to do it here, in front of my city, friends & family is so much sweeter!” 

“Anything to say to the fans here today? Or for anyone watching?”

“Mom, I did it!! You told me I’d win here one day & here we are. To my team at Ferrari, Merci! Superstar, merci d’etre ici ce weekend. Votre soutien signifie la monde et je t’aime. Montreal, ca c’est pour vous, et ALLEZ LES CANADIENS!” 

Cheers go up from all around as you just take it in. 

After the podium ceremony, you make your way back to the hotel to change since you’re soaked in champagne. Opening the door to you room, you spot a box at the end of the bed & a bouquet of lilies on the bedside table. You smile as you make your way over & see a note on the box 

Knew you could do it babe! Here’s a little something that I hope you wear tonight. See you on the ice ;)  xxx J

“I swear, if he put a Devils jersey in here..” you trail off as you see just that, but also a gorgeous lingerie set in the same bright red underneath. “that cheeky shit”, there’s a pair of new red converse in there too.

Putting the set on, you take a picture before finishing getting dressed & send it off to Jack, making a face. ‘Good Luck babe'. Then you finish getting ready & head down. 

You meet the boys in the lobby & make your way to the Bell Centre. Outside, you meet your mum, who’s brought you one of your old Canadiens jerseys since you didn’t have one on you. You pull it on over the hoodie & make you way in. Someone on the marketing team meets you inside. After your interview aired yesterday when you mentioned going to the game, they contacted your team to ask if you’d like to do the ceremonial puck drop, which duh you would. You split up with the rest of them and follow the guy. You’ll meet up with Bordy & his sister at your seats, but you won’t see the rest of the guys until later. You wait, chatting to various workers as warmups happen and finally its time for you to go out.

Making your way to the tunnel, you hear PK, who’s on the ice

“We have a special guest for you all tonight! She’s back in town, she goes fast and she won today, it’s your favourite race car driver Y/N L/N!!! 

You walk out on the carpet, waving at the crowd. “Well y/n, were glad to have you here to get us going here at the Bell Centre. But first, we have a little present for you. Your very own Canadiens jersey!” He holds up a jersey with my last name & racing number on the back.

“Oh my god that’s so cool. Suck it Lance, you’re not so special anymore!” you know he’s laughing from wherever he is in the arena. You take it & the puck he’s holding out. 

“Let’s get the captains please.” Pk says as Nico & Nick skate towards you and get in position for the photo.

“Nick, kick their ass.” You say to the Canadiens captain before posing and then walking off the ice. Someone shows you to your seat, where you find Thomas & Jade. The energy in the arena is absolutely electric as the anthem singing comes to an end and the crowd cheers. Thomas passes you a beer, as someone taps you on the shoulder. 

“Sorry, but would I be able to get a picture?” a young girl sitting behind you. You oblige & tell her you’ll get a better one during the intermission before sitting back down as the game starts. 

The Canadiens take an early lead with a beauty of a goal scored halfway through the period. The games intense with lots of back and forth between the goals. The Devils manage to knock one in with just a minute to go and then its intermission. You send Thomas off for snacks while you take a few photos & sign some stuff and before you know it it’s time for period two. No one scores for a while, but there’s quite a few penalties being called as the game gets a little rougher.

The second period ends still tied 1 all. You & Thomas chat about summer while you wait for the third. You’re planning on going to the lake house and you know he’ll be there at some point, but he’s staying here in Montreal for a bit first. You grab a couple more beers before the buzzer sounds and were off for the final period. Canadiens score a minute in, then Jersey gets one.

Back and forth again, shot after shot on each net with no more success. The whole crowds on their feet, cheering & screaming for Montreal as the minutes count down.

“Mon dieux its going to be OT” you whisper as the final minute hits. The crowds are practically silent as the seconds tick. Ten seconds left and all of a sudden Jack gets the puck, making a breakaway to the Canadiens net.

Go, Go, Go!!! you’re screaming internally as the defense rush after him, but not fast enough. He shoots and it flies past the goalie’s shoulder. The crowd explodes with boos & angry yells, but you’re smiling.

Thomas nudges you “he’ll be happy about that"

“Yeah, he will” you say back, a soft smile on your face as the final buzzer sounds and the Devils all celebrate on the ice. The fans are none too happy but there’s nothing you can do. You take out your phone & text jack.

That was amazing superstar!! I’m so so proud of you. I’m going out with the boys, but I’ll see you later<3 text me whenever you guys are done if I’m not back. 

“let’s get out of here” you turn to Thomas, knowing that Jack’ll be caught up for a few hours with team celebrations & media stuff. “Mick texted a while ago, a couple of them are downtown so let’s go celebrate your win” he says.

A pit stop back at the hotel to drop off jerseys & make sure you have all the boys then you’re making your way downtown to one of your favourite clubs. The drinks are flowing, drivers & hockey players are all around and lots of dancing means that a few hours pass in the blink of an eye.

About 3 hours in, you check your phone and see a message from Jack.

Got about 20 minutes left then I’m heading back. I’ll be in your room. See you in a bit xx

Looking around, you spot Thomas & Charles and make your way towards them. They’re chattering in French, but you butt in.

“Hey boys, I’m heading out in 10” Turns out most people are pretty done for the night, & you end up having a big group heading back. You all grab a couple of cabs back, and as you make your way through the lobby, you spot a piano in the corner.

“Ooh!!” say, making your way over to it & sitting down. “Is it okay if I play?” you ask one of the workers who nods. The boys follow you and stand next to the piano, staring at you. Except for Thomas. He knows that you can’t play for shit, all those lessons you took as a child being absolutely useless, so he’s laughing.

You crack your fingers and start playing la vie en rose absolutely terribly. The boys laugh as you stand up & bow. “Merci, merci! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a sexy man waiting for me” you wink before heading to the elevator & making your way to the room. He’s not there you, so you get undressed so he can see the gift he left for you. 

The door opens a few minutes later. “Hey champ” you drawl as he comes into view.

“oh, fuck me” “I plan to” you respond jokingly. He pulls off his shoes & shirt before jumping into the bed next to you. 

“You did it,” the smile on his face is absolutely massive “I did it. We’re going to the finals. Holy fuck” 

The two of you lay there, lazily making out & cuddling until you fall asleep, too worn out for more. The next morning brings sad goodbyes with promises of more in a few weeks time. 

F1 GOSSIP

Alright folks, we all know that Y/n L/n has been romantically linked to former F2 teammate Mick, who she sort of grew up with, and Charles Leclerc, her current teammate, for a while now. The Mick theory is more likely, as we’ve seen. I’ll show the evidence that has been collected here. But this weekend, a new player entered. Thomas Bordeleau, another childhood friend of Y/n & a pro hockey player, was in and around the paddock. Now we didn’t really know about this connection until an interview that y/n herself did on Friday, where she called him ‘one of her favourite people’. Apparently, we weren’t looking hard enough. Obviously, we had to do some digging, and the team here are starting to think that he may be the real deal when it comes to y/n’s heart. Let’s break it down.

Childhood friends – we found some photos from y/n’s early karting days, both in Europe and Canada. Know who makes an appearance in a few of them? Thomas. Now there aren’t too many pictures of them as teenagers, as it appears he lived in the US & obviously y/n had moved back to Europe for racing. However, we were able to find this picture, of Y/n at a hockey game with one of his jerseys on. 

Now, here’s where things get interesting. Thomas attended the University of Michigan and based on a video out of the paddock Friday, y/n knows a few of his college teammates. So, we did some more digging and found that y/n visited Michigan no less than six times over the 2 years he was there. And if that’s not convincing, take a look at these photos we dug up. Tell me that the way the two of them are looking at each other doesn’t scream in love (Photos of the two at various different parties looking cozy). Flirty comments left on posts, photos from friends that show the two cuddling or laying on top of each other, years of appearances in the back of each other’s photos, and a few references to a boyfriend in y/ns comments by close friends. All of these point towards the two of them being together, but the most damming evidence came out of Montreal. Lance Stroll was overheard asking y/n about her ‘boy toy coming’ mere seconds before Bordeleau made his appearance.

On Sunday, Y/n fought her way to a first place, and once she exited the car ran over to him at the barriers, practically flinging herself at him for a hug. Not two minutes later, when talking to a reporter she was saying thank you to the fans, and let this slip in French “superstar, thanks for being here this weekend. It means the world to me & I love you so much.” Now who speaks French & was there this weekend? Her best friend.

But that’s not all!! They made their way to the Montreal Canadiens game on Sunday night, where they lost in the final seconds. Several other players who appear to be friends of Bordeleaus & some of the guys who were playing in the game attended, however they watched from one of the boxes. y/n and Thomas, on the other hand, were smack dab in the centre of the action, accompanied only by his sister. Photos from the official sports accounts & fans were all over social media showing the two very close, joking around & cheering passionately for their home team. They were then seen out partying in the city with some of the other drivers and hockey players. I don’t know about all of you, but I’m pretty convinced. This isn’t what we were expecting, but it actually seems the most plausible. What are your thoughts?

 

Xx

[kiwibirb1]

Yahaha guess what motherfuckers (sorry I get an intense urge to say motherfuckers after saying yahaha it's affectionate) NEW AU BUT PLOT TWIST ITS JUST WV BUT THE FORGERS ARE DEAD

Sooo first off we start with the basics. It's WV canon up until Sasha meets the Forgers (so anne and marcy are the same in this AU (so far)). However, this time, instead of arriving to an empty snail shell and an overturned wagon, she arrives to an empty snail shell, a destroyed wagon, and what's left of some poor axolotls. She fights the herons, it goes slightly better bc no one to distract her but she still loses eye, dies, does the whole powers thing. This time, however, she somehow finds the strength to hobble into the ruined house, where she finds patches herself up and collapses onto the couch. Wake up in the middle of the night to whimpers coming from the basement. He goes down the stairs, sword out and ready, to find a little blue axolotl tadpole shivering in the corner, alone and scared. Points are connected immediately, and he goes to comfort the poor baby. "Where's my ma?" "I'm sorry."

Yeah so Sasha feels guilty now bc if he hadn't stopped to check out that mushroom he probably would have gotten there soon enough to save them. So the best course of action is obviously to adopt the child. Sasha and Finley (the name he manages to coax out) woo! So yeah events take. A lot longer bc now he's busy raising a child and being on the run so girls don't reunite until they're 18 (two years later than WV). Finley is idk 8-10 haven't really decided on age yet I think.

Stuff under the cut kinda accidentally became an almost fic so yeah it got pretty long so cut for your convenience. It's basically just the girls first meeting. Anne catches sasha, finley saves him, marcy catches finley, sasha reveal but not anne and marcy, sasha and finely escape.

Anyway Anne has finally caught the notorious 'Wandering Vagabond' (Sash had to do a lot more stealing to make sure Finley was properly fed okay) and is about to start monologuing or something idk when all of a sudden she's hit in the bad arm with a hmm we'll decide on the weapon later anyway Anne is hit and while she's distracted this random 9 year old (lets go for a nice middle ground here) jumps out and starts to untie Sash. They free the Wandering Vagabond, and Anne is like "Wait, kid! You don't have to help them if they kidnapped you! We can get you back to your parents!" Finley turns around stops for a sec, as does Sasha. (Although for different reasons. Why does that voice sound so familiar?...) Finley both signs and shouts at the same time, "I ain't kidnapped! Pinky saved me!" Anne snorts, leaning back and crossing her arms. The trees rustle, and Sasha begins to look anxious. She goes to grab Finley's arm, to tug the young axolotl along in their escape, but all of a sudden there is a twang and a fwoosh and Finley is in a net, pinned up to tree right beside Anne. Sasha growls, signing angrily as a dark shape leaps out of the trees behind her. "You better give me back my kid." Marcy laughs, and Sasha freezes once more, though it is much shorter this time as she has already pulled out her sword, and is backing up, struggling to keep both assailants in her one-eyed line of sight. Marcy giggles, and her eyes flash orange for a moment before she frowns and it goes away. "Look, we won't hurt the kid, (Al don't you dare) just return them to their parents." Sasha spits out, her hands full, "Her parents are dead. Now give me back my kid, and I might let you leave here alive, you [some sort of human realm specific swear to tip them off idk]." Anne and Marcy both freeze. (Oh yeah fyi they're all wearing hoods and shit so each of the two groups thinks the other is some sort of newt. and puberty for the voices explanation.) Marcy in her eternal clumsiness accidentally fires a crossbow shot, ripping Sasha's hood off and revealing what is definitely not a newt. Sasha's eyes widen and she breaks off towards the net, slicing through it in one hack of her sword. Finley leaps, kicking Anne in the face, and she stumbles to the ground as Sasha and Finley escape into the woods, leaving behind two dazed newts who are definitely not newts.

ahaha wow okay so thats long but um. yeah. What do I call this bc at first I thought Wandering Vagabonds bc y'know theres two but i would def mess up the tag soo hm. what to do what to do taps fingers thoughtfully. um almost just did Heron and the Fox (y'know like that one fable) but then remembered Finley is blue not orange like my brain keeps saying she is. Whatever Sasha has a child now