#its a religious experience whatever you listen to it with

[malleleothreesome]

Under the Mistletoe with Malleus

❤️ summary: Malleus' latest hyperfixation is mistletoe ༶༶༶ 💚 warnings: gender neutral reader, SFW, fluff, romance, Christmas centric but not religious ༶༶༶ ❤️ word count: 4k ༶༶༶ 💚 inspired by: this ask thank you! ♡✧*:･ﾟ

Malleus listens intently to all the tales you have to tell, all the little pieces of your world, of yourself—all the little snippets that come rushing out from the recesses of your memories, painting a picture of your humanity and the universe you'd once inhabited. All the intricacies and details of how your family would spend Christmas, the foods, the gifts, the songs—he loves hearing all about your unique traditions and experiences. Malleus is endlessly grateful for each of these recollections that you decide to entrust him with—small moments of personal history that hold so much weight in shaping who you are. Your mind runs wild as your thoughts run rampant, a blur of vivid recollections that overwhelm you. Then, he sees the tears brimming on your lash line and the tremble of your lower lip, his heart sinking instantly when the painful weight of homesickness visibly crashes down upon you. His own emotions, his yearning, his gratitude are all clogged up in his throat. When the tears finally drip past your lashes and down your cheeks, you're swaddled in strong, firm arms that cradle you. Malleus doesn't bother with words as he shushes your sobs, only offering his comfort with the secure tuck of your frame against his larger form, and the gentle tracing of his elegant, gloved fingertips along the curve of your back in soothing circles. His soft humming is melodious against the crook of your shoulder, warm and welcoming as he surrounds you completely.

Wanting to make the Christmas season extra special for you, his dearest friend, Malleus spends copious hours poring over the plethora of holiday books he could acquire from the school library—reading and studying each festive tale, tradition, and legend until the pages are wrinkled with the oils from his fingertips. Each chapter carefully absorbed and ingrained into his psyche, his eyes sparkling alight with delight and fascination, relishing in the lightness and warmth of the holidays as he familiarized himself with this magical and jovial festivity. When Christmas rolls around the corner, Malleus ensures the front entrance to Ramshackle dorm is lit up and decked to the nines in brightly glowing lights strung all over the framework—an aura of luminescence and color enveloping the dilapidated architecture with festive spirit. The rest of the exterior of the Dorm was covered with glittering golden tinsel, wreaths, garlands and pinecones—whatever he had deemed as festive in his extensive research.

Malleus was determined to honor this strange holiday—a special and important part of your childhood—but unfortunately, none of the decorations, lights, or Christmas cheer were quite as meaningful and special as what he wanted it all to symbolize. When he heard about the tradition involving a parasitic plant, he was naturally intrigued by the idea that a plant would wilt away and die if not united with a particular organism—it could only flourish and thrive when entwined with its complementary other half. In return, the mistletoe would provide both beautiful flowers and ripe fruit, enhancing the lives of the forest around them and fostering harmony within the ecosystem. However, it was the usage of that plant during a kiss that truly made him delighted by its macabre nature and its value to this sacred human festivity. It seemed befitting somehow that the now dead mistletoe, the melancholy parasite that thrives in connection with others, could bring a measure of life and happiness to all who cross its path through a kiss under its eternal, desiccated embrace. Perhaps, this tradition could serve as his best effort to explain that this gesture was intended as a token of appreciation for the kindness you have extended to him—the pleasure and privilege of having you, such a splendid and bright star, in his dark and dreary world—his reward to you for making him feel alive with such an overwhelming sense of happiness that he didn't even know the sensation could exist until you entered into his life. For Malleus, you were the one to awaken him, to pull him from a long slumber and into your embrace, allowing him the privilege of knowing warmth, love, and joy once more. A ghost of a smile appears on his lips, unbidden, as he imagines the roots of the mistletoe spreading through both your lungs, finding nourishment in each other's energy, a complete symbiosis.

Malleus desired so much that your connection would be reciprocal, as intimate and profound as the magic of this holiday would allow. Though your relationship up until this point has remained platonic, he hopes the magic of this custom might give him permission to love and cherish you as so much more. From the moment he first laid his eyes on you, his heart had already made his decision. That fiery intensity of emotion for you has only been compounded with each meeting the two of you have shared—the yearning that only grows stronger with each moment he spends at your side. His feelings for you have reached a saturation point; the deep well of passion and affection that burns ever stronger within the confines of his chest will not be extinguished unless the source of all his turmoil is revealed and answered in due kind. At long last, he wastes no time in preparing the customary kiss. His heart yearns so dearly for it that even the constant tug of his usual shyness and trepidation could never possibly bring him to halt in his advances. Malleus promised himself that the delicate, thriving thing you and he were developing would not fall prey to the same pitiful demise as the mistletoe if left untouched and unwatered. If you did indeed feel similarly about him, he could only imagine the beauty and majesty that would blossom between your intertwined souls, a union of great and unstoppable potency, a lifetime of adoration and devotion.

Therefore, he procured a large branch of mistletoe, so ripe and abundant with sprigs that its small, white berries shimmered and shone. The hanging plant seemed to call out, in a sing-song tinkle of fairy bell laughs, for his beloved to walk underneath, so he could ensnare you in its clutches and give you an obligatory kiss you couldn’t refuse—or so he hoped. Malleus wrapped the strand with some festive red ribbon, decorated with twirling glittery snowflakes, making it shimmer under the twinkling rays of Christmas light. Then, he carefully balanced the mistletoe at the highest point above the doorsill and stepped back, admiring the way the golden glow of the lights would reflect off the glossy white berries, casting them in an ethereal iridescent glow that made them pop, dancing across its branches as though possessed by some Christmas spirit. They sang for you, just waiting for you to take Malleus up on their unspoken promise of his unrequited, hidden desires for your lips.

With that, Malleus knocked on your door. Though, despite his determination and his willpower—so vast and endless that his ambition was virtually limitless—Malleus couldn't help but be flustered, his hands trembling and sweat forming along his brow, heart rate beginning to rise like a swelling wave until he could hear it beating in his pointed ears. The silence that engulfed him was deafening as his mind replayed the myriad ways you might respond to his advances—sharing his sentiments, returning his affections, giving him the opportunity to finally love and kiss you the way he so desperately, hopelessly yearned. Or—perhaps, his advances could have an unwanted negative reaction, creating friction or even destroying your friendship—if not the very love he sought—completely. Undeterred by the looming anxiety that threatens to drown him like a tempest-wrought sea, his heart manages to remain valiant and brave, the steady rhythm keeping him tethered, ensuring him the courage to risk the possibility of breaking apart and dissipating with the winter wind that sieves through his lithe fingers.

As he hears the creaking footsteps along the old staircase inside, the adrenaline kicks in, giving him the fight or flight impulse he has been lacking, his legs stiffening, threatening to buckle from his immense nerves, knees trembling so harshly that he almost loses his balance. He shuts his eyes, trying to brace himself for whatever comes next, not allowing himself to breathe again until the knob finally gives way and the door is thrown open. At last, Malleus gazes upon your dazzling appearance, flooding his vision with an image he's dreamed about for weeks: you stand before him, bathed in the bright, effervescent light, glittering hues of gold and green like a present wrapped up just for him. Before he even allows you a moment to compose yourself and register his presence, Malleus can't help himself, the need to let his words rush out overwhelming him until his syllables practically stumble over each other.

"I wish to partake in the traditional parasite with you," he tells you quickly, trying to sound confident despite the urgent desperation to speak leaking through in his strained vocal chords, struggling to hide the shakiness that attempts to invade and taint the voice he wanted to convey his longing for you with. His words are filled with hope and trepidation, his emerald eyes wide with vulnerability as the mistletoe glistens under the shimmer of lights he personally strung up, bathing the two of you and your surroundings in a magnificent luminance that casts a perfect spellbinding glow upon the scene. Your mouth falls slightly ajar as your eyelids flutter in confusion before registering his intention, noticing the way his expectant eyes dart between your lips and the hanging plant above your door frame, his intense gaze giving you the most telling implication. The sudden realization of his motive renders your whole being paralyzed. Your face heats up from the sheer impossibility of the moment and your brain fizzles into a complete and utter daze, unsure how to comprehend the enormity of the offer he's extending.

An eternity seemed to pass as the seconds ticked on, his dark brows knitting together as the mist and tension seemed to wrap around the both of you. The sting of the cold wind whistled past the space that seemed to shrink between the two of you in unbearable torment. A curtain of lacy snow was falling around, shrouding everything in a dull glow. The night itself seemed to be in a strange sort of serenity and apprehension—watching his eyes lock onto you so intently and feeling his breath, hot and heavy, mingling in the frost between the two of you. The foggy mist of the cool evening air floats through your hair, tiny particles of frozen water suspended around you and shimmering brilliantly as the beams of multicolored lights shine past and illuminate each crystalline droplet in a celestial aura.

Despite it all, your focus was on him alone.

Finally, he was able to collect the breath stolen from his lungs and continue his confession, taking your floundering silence as an invitation for his explanation. "I had wished to spend some time with you under a mistletoe, even though this is something that humans usually do with their partners or loved ones..." he admits sheepishly. You couldn't stop the gasp that escaped your lips when you saw how glassy and emotive his eyes were, the sparkling lights catching the yellow flecks in his viridescent stare.

A shadowy flush washes over his pale complexion as he allows the words he had tried so long to repress to come flowing freely from his lips. "I've noticed how sad you seemed since you were removed from your world, and I wanted to bring you a little of the Christmas cheer you're accustomed to. I wanted to ensure we'd have a pleasant Christmas, especially with how often you've shown me such loving kindness," a sigh escaped his throat, "you've gone to such great lengths, I wanted you to know just how much you mean to me..." His fingers thread together anxiously as he continues his ramblings. "I was so excited to learn the Christmas tales, legends, and histories behind all the traditions... There is so much joy and good-will involved. It seemed a befitting way to honor our time together. As my beloved friend—," his tone holds a subtle note of reluctance to his last statement as he lingers on the term a bit too long. "I wanted to ensure your time in Twisted Wonderland wasn't depressing, and that you experienced Christmas as best you could under your circumstances." The more his sentences seem to elongate, the further he's pulled into himself and begins to overthink every minuscule aspect of his interaction.

The wind picks up slightly, blowing his silky, ebony locks away from his forehead, revealing the shiny scales that cascade up the top half of his head as his horns poke out through the billowing strands. His long, heavy cloak trails behind him, sweeping up the fresh piles of glittery snowfall, shimmering under the auras of the decorative lights he painstakingly strung for you. Malleus was so imposing in the darkness of the night—there's an ineffable beauty to it as his skin seems to emit its own soft glow. Yet, despite his frightening appearance, he appears so docile and timid standing before you with his head bowed, one foot dragging the toe of his boot along the white slush and ice, kicking clumps of snowy wisps, attempting to abate his mounting anxiety.

"...Are you aware, child of man, of the nature and symbolism of the mistletoe?" He pauses and peers into your eyes, emerald pools pleading for mercy as a crack opens within him, revealing his fluttering soul for your scrutiny, allowing you to glimpse his emotional state in a rare display. "Mistletoe requires the partnership and nourishment of another to keep it flourishing—without its partner, it will wither and die a gruesome death, gasping, desperate, starving..." The strain on his tone is audible, words full of unspeakable yearning as he pines so desperately, the loneliness of centuries seeming to distill within a single, all-encompassing desire for your acceptance and love. His Adam's apple bobs with a hard gulp of apprehension as he seeks the approval he longs for deep within your gaze, hoping he has finally found the love of which he has searched for since the first heartbeat he has taken.

"No matter where it falls, or how strong its stem or seed, it will perish without another plant to sustain and nurture it," his explanation was grave and yet somehow poetic, holding you entranced with rapt attention. Each sentence was meant to mimic his struggle—the endless waiting, and the desperate need for companionship that has weighed so heavy on his aching heart for so long. The solemn confession of a hopeless romantic, yearning desperately for the chance to take root, plant his soul and spread until all the ache was gone, replaced by the warmth and fulfillment of life only a partner could give him.

"And yet, if the two plants come into symbiosis with each other, the result is breathtaking—one would not expect something so simple would possess such transcendent beauty and vibrance," his melodic tenor takes on an ethereal quality, as the wondrous facts he learned are once again brought to the surface, replacing the melancholy in the air. "Mistletoe is capable of blossoming to life; producing flowers and bearing fruits when combined with its host, providing an environment for both plants to flourish and thrive," his heart picks up its pace at the subtle meaning and implication behind his words. "Once a healthy mistletoe becomes entangled with its beloved, the pair remain connected and thrive, ultimately strengthened by the bonds forged in interdependency, blooming brightly against the frigid temperatures of winter." Malleus' soul is brimming and bubbling over with the hope and anticipation of a relationship with you and, in an instant, Malleus understands what it truly means to be alive.

"Since you first crossed my path, the mistletoe within my chest grew with such ravenous appetite, longing to reach out to your heart and find harmony, sharing in warmth and nurturing life. You, my lovely starlight, are a plant of the utmost virtue," he gently caresses your cheek as you fall deeper under his enchantment. His words have rendered you completely immobilized, the smooth silk of his voice ensnaring you, unable to escape its sweet whispers and dulcet tone. "For the first time in all of my years, the bud inside me began to bear fruit and opened my eyes to a paradise I never thought possible. Through a simple act of your kindness, you have breathed life into my tired and aching heart and granted me new purpose." Malleus cups your face so delicately, long, tapered fingers stroking the curve of your cheekbones in loving affection. He gazes at you with glowing, adoring eyes, staring deep into the infinite possibilities of your future together. The soft plumes of the falling snowflakes softly embrace you as his feather-light touch communicates all his longing and unspoken passions. You allow yourself to bask in the tender and raw vulnerability of his heart as the glimmering lights and stars in the sky shine with the promise of a brighter tomorrow for you both.

"I had spent many years in unending isolation. Each passing second in your presence was the happiest, most indescribable euphoria. It took a considerable amount of time to discover these feelings and become aware that they are associated with the yearning for intimacy, something which I was denied for a great amount of my lifespan. I've long desired the things I've learned your Christmas legends signify," the words leave him on a wistful sigh, an endless source of elation. "Of family, comfort, love... All that I desire for Christmas is you," he concludes softly. "It was thanks to my research into the mistletoe that I realized how much I needed your lips as though without them I would never draw another breath, so I ask... Do you wish to be mine? Could I have the gift of your lips, of a kiss?" he requests breathlessly as the tip of his tapered thumb ghosts across the flesh of your plush lower lip, sending shivers throughout your whole being.

At last, the confessions of his affections toward you reach their inevitable resolution, allowing the culmination and coalescence of every feeling and emotion within his soul to burst forth like fireworks, shooting off into the midnight air in an explosion of beauty and intensity that would cause any witness to pause and stare in awe of the magic of the night. Like the soft, romantic tones of Christmas music and the enchanted glimmers of holiday lights, Malleus' spell woven in the lyrics of his confession engulfs you in an aurora borealis of ardent devotion. The feeling of his hands against your cheeks radiates warmth and comfort as he cradles your visage close, tender and secure against the soft flurries that flow all around you, surrounding you with an intimate aura of holiday mirth. You find yourself leaning into his touch as your heart and soul yearn to return the depths of his affection, so openly displayed across his handsome, captivating features. With a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins, your knees threatening to buckle from his searing yet unyielding stare, you gather the strength to utter the most wonderful syllables you have ever experienced the pleasure of pronouncing—the sum of every single one of his blessings wrapped up neatly into one succinct phrase.

"I love you, too."

Your voice was shaky, unsteady, cracking under the emotion, but the message was unmistakable. The intensity of the moment rendered Malleus stunned and speechless, tears of delight stinging his emerald eyes, brimming at the waterline with the intensity of his joy. Every single day was spent thinking of the next instance where the two of you might cross paths and now, you'd just given him the most spectacular present in the world. Malleus doesn't think about anything else, he just leans in, lips parted ever so slightly, barely containing the gasping breath that escapes his throat as his nose nudges yours and his entire world collapses upon itself before igniting with an incandescence of pure elation. With all the delicate adoration of his whole, enchanted being, he offers you a sweet brush of his soft, inviting lips against yours. A whimper emanates from his mouth as a trembling sob of disbelief is unleashed, reverberating between the two of you and sending every last vestige of his restrained sentiment into you, engulfing your heart in a fervid embrace that crushes you with all the weight of his desperation—his centuries' worth of desire and craving for an end to his misery.

Despite having never been kissed, his lips moved confident and gentle, as though it were as natural as his very breath, or the thrum of his heart. The sensations were unparalleled—better than his wildest expectations as your flesh entwined with his, mingling the pliant texture and pillowy warmth. A satisfied sigh rolls past his tongue, which teases the seam of your mouth, offering gentle, fleeting sensations as he licks and teases your bottom lip. A series of jolts rock your frame when his fangs accidentally nip at the skin. The sound that leaks from his throat as he swipes his tongue over the wound and laps up the warm, metallic liquid of your blood is guttural and broken with the raw emotion of being deprived of such ecstasy for so long. It was heavenly—to finally be united and experience the taste of love, passion, and the transcendent rapture of the one and only person to ever make him feel such happiness. 

He swallows every whimper and moan of your kiss, reveling in the sounds that permeate through your entangled forms and dance on the frosted wind. Your fingers come to thread through his silk-like locks, nails grazing his scalp until a shudder rattles his chest and his tongue can't help but invade the hot, wet cavern of your mouth. There's a subtle pressure placed on the base of your skull, adding a deeper angle, so that he may completely envelope and taste the sweetness of your saliva as you revel in each other. When the chill of the winter winds brings forth the full impact of the cold, and the mistletoe spins aimlessly under its icy breath, swaying above, you are undeterred in the bliss of your newfound love. Your noses smudge as you press yourself further, gaining deeper contact and savoring each brush of his deft, explorative tongue and the tickle of his heated breath fanning against the sensitive surface of your palette. The kiss sparks flames within you that make you forget the bitter chill, warming the deepest crevices of your core, staving off the frigidness of the night and replacing it with the cozy, fluffy heat of your love. You clutch desperately, latching onto the black tailcoat and pressing the muscles and softness of your bodies even closer, desperate for each touch, wanting him as close to your form as you can manage. The fullness of your feelings for each other, and the completeness of his confession, finally come together in a bittersweet, perfect dance of two souls. Forever bound, hearts thudding in unison as you two continue to exchange kisses underneath the mistletoe, filling this merry season with newfound glee and a holiday tradition all your own.

When you two finally make it inside, you sit comfortably with his arms wrapped around you atop a pile of plush blankets, surrounded by mounds of pillows under the twinkling lights of the massive tree he had erected and draped in garland. Next to him, there was nowhere better you'd rather be, snuggling deeper into his warmth, burying yourself in his embrace and cuddled tight under his heavy, weighted cloak as the roaring fire before you burned in a warmth that reflected that of the deep, profound affection the two of you shared for each other. As he held you in his lap, surrounded by the soft music playing in the background and the decorations he'd strung, he looks at you with excitement alight on his beautiful visage, eager to share more fun facts about his latest hyperfixation. With the shimmering lights refracting across the deep emerald pools of his gaze, he starts to ramble, "Did you know, mistletoe is also a sacred symbol of fertility—"

Woah, woah, woah, woah... I just spent all day working on this, its like, 10:30pm and now I'm just now eating mac and cheese for dinner. I really love what I created, I hope you all do too. This was fulfilling a request for my 12 Days of TWSTmas event, so uh, anon, I'm not sure if this is what you expected of me... I think I projected my own newfound mistletoe hyperfixation onto Malleus a bit too hard, but I hope this meets your expectations. I'm desperate to hear all your thoughts on this one, I really want you guys to love this as much as I do! I wish I had more to say here, but my brain is melting. My exhausted brain longs to sign this off like a corporate email. Best, Erica Malleleothreesome

[moonlightspencie]

… Angels Roll Their Eyes

Description: A new recruit to the BAU catches Reid’s eye. Unfortunately for the both of them, she has a past with someone very close to him. Are they willing to keep secrets just to keep one another? (TWO-PART MINISERIES)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Warnings: alcohol consumption, reader gets a minor injury, sexual references/content (i’ll accept 16+ because its definitely not more than pg-13 material but writing anything sexy makes me feel weird if i know teenagers are reading it)

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: READER’S POV!! this is where the bridge kicks in teehee. (also savannah is more of a minor character at this point, nobody really knows she and derek are together)

Devils Roll the Dice… (click for part 1)

I walked up to the figure illuminated by vending machine lights. His head was down as he looked through the options, not really intending on buying anything at all. I slowed my steps on the approach, just barely catching his attention before I was right next to him.

“Hey,” he said quietly, giving me a soft smile.

I grinned in full, not bothering to hide my feelings. Nobody was around, anyways.

“Hey. You come here often?”

He laughed. “Only this once. Waiting around for this girl who said she’d meet me here.”

“Sounds like she’s into you.”

He nodded. “I think so.”

I grabbed his hand, attempting to pull him closer. He took the advantage to bring me in instead, my back against the hard plastic of the machine’s display. Rather than kissing me then and there, he leaned in, lips unbearably close to my ear.

“I feel like we’re sneaking around past our parents,” he said quietly.

“You never got that ‘teenage dream’ experience. Maybe this is your second chance.”

He smiled. “Maybe.”

His lips pressed to mine, silencing our whispered words for good.

We were far from teenagers at this point, but he was still a dream. I found myself feeling giddy at every turn, completely ignoring the impending doom that loomed over our relationship.

We both knew we weren’t trying hard enough to hide it. Neither of us knew what would happen when it finally came to light.

Until that happened, we’d pretend it wasn’t in the cards at all. Summer love was still sweet, even being far removed from the romanticism of anything resembling the movie-loves I’d grown accustomed to religiously watching. This was somehow better. Maybe because it was more realistic. Probably because it was always more thrilling to live it out.

I smiled into our kiss, feeling his wandering hands trying to get themselves under my legs to lift me up. Sadly, we never got the chance.

We heard footsteps coming down the hall quickly, breaking apart and trying to look as nonchalant as possible as we mindlessly gazed at the snacks inside the machine.

“I’m thinking M&Ms,” I noted, almost laughing.

Spencer hid a smile. He clicked the right buttons right as our visitor reached us. The little package dropped, our secret still somehow concealed from a slightly-confused Aaron Hotchner as he stood behind us waiting for his turn.

“Night,” I said, giving a slight nod.

“Goodnight.”

Spencer followed behind me, hoping it wouldn’t be obvious that he didn’t have some cheap snack of his own in hand as we walked past. I rationalized that he looked too tired to notice, anyways.

We wound up back in my room, giggling with each other like kids at a sleepover. I made him do a face-mask with me while he made me listen to a lecture on how the hyaluronic acid in the formula provided moisture for our skin. I gladly listened with a smile on my face, and he happily accepted a hundred kisses as I wiped his face clean afterwards.

We laid on my bed, mindlessly talking about whatever came to mind. He took my hand in his, running his thumb across the back of my hand in repeated motions as we talked.

“What do you say we stop hiding us?” I asked at last, staring at the ceiling. “I’ve established myself on the team at this point, I think.”

He was quiet for a moment, still running his thumb over my hand.

“I don’t know. I think it’s better that we keep it quiet.”

I paused, taking in his response. I’d hoped that after a while we wouldn’t be hiding anymore. As much fun as it was to sneak around, it could be utterly exhausting. But, if he still wanted to, I’d agree.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he questioned, turning his head to look at me.

I looked back at him, giving him a small smile and a nod.

“Yeah. If that’s what you want, it’s fine by me.”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I sprung up a moment after, standing at the foot of the bed. I grabbed my phone, clicking around on the screen as he propped himself up to look at me. I held out a hand to him.

“Dance with me, pretty boy,” I sang out, hitting shuffle on one of my playlists.

He quickly obliged, not wasting a second in worrying about whether or not he could actually dance. He knew I’d be there to guide whatever movements he didn’t know how to do yet.

Whispers of ‘are you sure?’

I smiled at him, admiring the way he payed way too much attention to how he moved. I made it a goal to loosen him up. After a minute, he was letting me guide, leaving his body to its own devices. He was really better off for it.

I can see us lost in the memory

We swayed along to the song, silently praying it wasn’t some kind of sick foreshadowing of how our summer would end. I pretended not to care much about the lyrics. He pretended not to listen to most of them.

August sipped away like a bottle of wine

Cause you were never mine

“Do you think that’ll happen to us?” I asked, still smiling past the gravity of the question.

“Of course not,” he answered with finality.

Wanting was enough

For me it was enough

To live for the hope of it all

I took his hands, the both of us spinning around in circles with smiles on our faces that were real and genuine despite a nagging feeling that something might be wrong.

I knew mine had a lot to do with very real feelings I was scared to talk about. I was too afraid to think about what may have filled his head. It was really none of my business, anyways, so I cleared my head of it all. Wanting was enough. I didn’t have to doubt that. It had been enough for two months so far. That had to count for something.

Weeks later and it was August. That lingering question of “will it last” was ever-present in my head. I just kept pushing it down. Fuck compartmentalization. That question was locked in a dungeon, chained to a wall, and I intended on keeping it there until we were either burning to the ground or eloping in Vegas.

Those seemed like the most viable options, anyway. An extremely-attached, yet no-strings kind of situationship could really only go one of two ways.

I almost wanted him to hate me at that point. It would certainly be a thrilling end if he revealed that he never cared about me and was only doing all of this to screw with my head. Almost like he was a spy, trying to uncover whatever boring substance made up my psyche.

I knew that was… Slightly less realistic, though.

I probably shouldn’t have been thinking about it so thoroughly, especially since it was merely theoretical. It would have caused a lot less mental work. It also might have prevented me from being off my game.

I had a habit of being a bit clumsy when we weren’t in life-threatening situations, but messing up while we were on a case? Unbearably embarrassing.

I looked up as my arm hit the wall to stop me from falling over my own two feet, disgusting to find that an exposed nail head had given me quite the scratch. It looked pretty gnarly, and frankly I was thanking my lucky stars I’d already gotten a tetanus booster after my last injury. However, I probably couldn’t go much further with my arm bleeding. Especially if they didn’t necessarily need me. It was one man they were going after, and we didn’t even know if he was in this house.

I voiced to Hotch what had happened, and he told me to leave if I was safe enough to do so. JJ and three officers occupied the house anyways, so I booked it out of there.

I cleaned myself up as well as I could with the first aid kit in the car, planning on doing a better job when I got back to the precinct. The house we were in turned out to be a bust anyways. Our unsub was still in the wind. He clearly hadn’t even been in the house in weeks. It was wildly frustrating.

Until Miss Penelope Garcia called in to save the day as she always did. She let JJ and I know that the others were currently heading across town to an apartment that she was certain housed the unsub and our most recent victim.

“Finally,” I sighed, leaning my head back in the seat.

JJ was quiet, and I looked away from my driving to see her. She smiled at me when I turned my head.

“What?” I questioned with a laugh.

“Can I ask you something?” she inquired, sitting up a little more straight. “It’s a little personal.”

I quirked a brow. “You can ask, but I reserve my right to remain silent.”

She laughed. “Alright. Fair enough. Uh, I’m just wondering about you and a certain team member.”

I swallowed. Uh oh.

“Okay?”

“I’ve just— I’ve heard rumors, and I wanted to ask you directly about them rather than letting the rumor-mill run.”

I nodded slowly. “What have you heard?”

“Word on the street is that you and Morgan used to be an item.”

Oh.

“Ah,” I replied with a chuckle. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, we were a thing. But that was a while ago, and I’m pretty certain we’ve moved past it.”

“Right, yeah,” she nodded. “You know, he has a secret girlfriend now.”

I smiled, glancing at her. “Really?”

She nodded again. “Yeah. He’s been trying to hide it, but Garcia loves to talk.”

I laughed, thinking of the bubbly, well-meaning woman. She had a hard time with secrets, though she tried her hardest.

“That’s good. He deserves to be happy, he was always a great guy,” I said.

“Just gotta look past all of the mindless flirting and the jock-persona,” JJ noted jokingly.

I hummed in agreement, turning down the road that would lead us to the precinct at last. It was a good thing, too, since my arm was really starting to irritate me now. My discomfort must have been obvious, as JJ looked at me once again.

“You okay?” she questioned. “That cut on your arm looks pretty painful.”

I looked at it, noticing there was some bleed-through on the bandage. I sighed, not looking forward to cleaning it up.

“I’ll live. It just itches pretty bad right now, and it’s fairly sore.”

“I can help you when we’re back at the station. You shouldn’t have to do that alone.”

“Thanks Jayje,” I said, resting a hand on her arm briefly.

She covered my hand with her own, giving me another smile. It felt like she could see through me on occasion. She had quickly become one of my closest friends on the team, which took me a little by surprise. She seemed a little too unironic-girlboss when I first met her, but the second Penelope helped me see her true colors… We were fast friends.

I almost found myself telling her about Spencer and I on multiple occasions, but always ended up thinking better of the idea. That moment was one of the times I almost said something.

Of course, I thought twice about it, but she gave me that look like she knew what I was thinking.

I found an out when we pulled into the precinct, and took up her offer to help me with properly fixing up my arm. We made light conversation as I tried like hell not to focus on the stinging pain that occurred every time she probed at the cut.

We did whatever we could to help after she was finished. At least until the rest of the team showed up. But, to my delight, we rounded out our night by heading home and going straight to the bar.

I didn’t often let myself get well and truly drunk. Especially not when I was around Spencer. I knew I had been staring at him once I downed my sixth shot, but by the third mixed drink he was pulling me out of the bar. He threw out some kind of excuse that he was tired and I needed a ride home.

“What’s up with you?” he asked after bidding a goodnight to everyone else. “You’ve been acting weird, and now you’re getting wasted.”

I was annoyed by the comment, but there was concern in his voice over everything else. I leaned into him as we walked towards my car.

“I just wanted to have some fun, Spencie.”

He sighed, continuing to help me walk until we reached my vehicle.

“Come on,” he muttered under his breath, helping me into the backseat of the car.

I slumped over into the seat as he did, just barely letting him put the seatbelt around me and click it into place. He was fairly quiet as he did so, which really only furthered my concern. Even drunk I knew well enough to see that something was off with him. He shut the door, and I let myself drop against the seat, listening as he opened and closed the driver’s side door.

I glanced up, seeing him adjust the mirror to keep an eye on me in the seat rather than the road. It was dangerous and stupid. And so sweet it made my stomach flip.

I let my mind wander as he turned on the radio, thought he kept it low, and started driving. I thought of him and the summer we’d shared thus far. Three months is nothing in the grand scheme of life, but it felt like everything when I was with him. He felt like everything in that time. I hated keeping him a secret so much.

Maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much.

I let out the tears I was holding back, sniffling as the snot starting trying to weasel its way out of my system. If I was going to cry like a baby, I wasn’t going let myself get all gross and grimy. That’s where I drew the line. I’d make sure at least some of my dignity was preserved.

He looked at me in the rear view mirror, brows furrowing.

“Y/N?”

I sniffled.

“Yeah?” I managed, knowing I sounded absolutely pathetic.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice soft. “Why are you crying?”

I met his eyes as he continually glanced at me in the mirror. I had to have looked ridiculous, laying on the backseat with tears streaming down my face for seemingly no reason.

“I’m fine.”

He deadpanned. “You’re sobbing in the backseat of your own car.”

“I’m fine,” I said again through tears, voice coming out much more whiny than I’d intended.

He said my name as a warning, seeing through my… untruth. I felt more happy calling it that than anything else. I looked at him, admiring his pretty face through the mirror as he looked on at the road ahead. Maybe it was a good idea for him to practically drag me out of the bar. I could be a messy drunk, and I definitely would’ve outed us by wanting to be messy with him in front of the team if I’d drank any more.

Keeping secrets sucked. It was stupid and annoying. Especially when he was so hot.

I whined out loud at the though, squeezing my eyes shut.

“What?” he whined back, a laugh on his lips.

“I’m sick of this.”

“Sick of what, baby?”

I sighed, wiping away tears that kept on rolling.

“Keeping secrets. I don’t want to have to keep hiding this just to keep you.”

He sighed to match mine. “I know.”

“I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Honey, we don’t have much of a choice.”

“But I’m going to explode if I can’t kiss you in public anymore.”

“No, you won’t,” he said, looking at me again.

I pouted. “I will.”

“You’re drunk, baby. We’ll get you into bed and you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

“Will you come to bed with me?”

He smiled softly. “Of course.”

I felt the car starting to slow, and though my vision was a little blurry, I saw the green light ahead turn to yellow. I looked at him again, a small smile coming to my tear-soaked face.

“Spencie?”

He hummed in question, not yet looking at me.

“Can I tell you something really stupid?”

“I’d love nothing more.”

I paused for a moment, letting my inebriated state wipe away any inhibitions I may have had otherwise. The car stopped at the light at last. I smiled softly.

“For what it’s worth, I love you,” I mumbled. “And it’s the worst fucking thing you could hear right now.”

I hoped he’d say it back, though part of me expected him to pretend he hadn’t heard me at all.

I definitely didn’t expect him to look at me through the mirror with a devilish smirk.

“I know you do,” he stated. “And it’s not the worst thing I‘ve heard by a long shot.”

I bit my lip to hold back a smile as he pulled away from the light. We ended up back at my apartment, Spencer still helping me stumble the whole way there. I pushed him back against the door as soon as we were inside, but he held my wrists to stop me from feeling him up. I pouted.

“Ow,” I said, pulling my injured arm from him.

“You okay, princess?”

I nodded, quiet. He simply looked at me, certainly not believing me.

“Why are you doing that?” I questioned.

His eyes widened. “W-why am I stopping you?”

I nodded silently, still pouting.

“Baby— You’re drunk. I’m not doing anything with you while you’re drunk.”

I dropped my hands, whining as I leaned my full body into his. He wrapped his arms around me, walking— more so waddling— with me until we reached my couch.

“I just wanna kiss you,” I grumbled into his chest, letting him drop me onto the cushions.

I stared up at him, trying to look alluring. I probably just looked a little out of my mind.

“I love kissing you, but not while you’re so drunk you can’t even stand up by yourself without almost tipping over,” he said, smiling softly as he crouched between my legs.

He leaned up, softly kissing my forehead. He kept my face in his hands, looking at me. He let one hand drop, running it across my arm. I pulled back again, feeling the discomfort in my arm from my earlier injury.

He furrowed his brow, looking down at my arm as it was covered by my sleeve.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I’m fine.”

“You pulled away twice when I touched your arm.”

“It’s okay.”

He sighed, grabbing my arm and gently moving my sleeve up over the bandage. He let out a sharp breath.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” he asked, trying not to be annoyed with my concealment. “When did you get hurt?”

I deflated. “Today.”

“How?”

“I got cut. Fell into a nail in the wall.”

He ran a hand over his face. “You should’ve told me.”

“Why?”

He glanced up, furrowing his brow. He was clearly annoyed with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel terribly about it.

“Because I want to know when you’re hurt.”

I swallowed. Okay, that made me feel a little guilty.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“It is. That’s a pretty big bandage.”

I was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to worry.”

“It’s my job to worry about you.”

“No, it isn’t.”

He quirked a brow. “Why not?”

“We aren’t even like… A real couple,” I said, closing my eyes. “All we do is sneak around and you don’t ever want to tell anyone and I just don’t think that we can keep acting like it’s gonna last forever if we can’t even tell friends about—”

“It’s not my fault you dated Derek first,” he said, cutting me off.

I scoffed. “He doesn’t even care. That was forever ago and he has his secret girlfriend now anyways.”

“You wanted to keep this secret in the first place.”

“Well I’m sick of it,” I yelled. “I’m sick of keeping secrets and I’m sick of you not caring that I’m in love with you.”

“Not caring?” he asked, voice raising as he leaned back on his knees.

“You didn’t even say it back when I said it.”

“Because you’re drunk! How am I supposed to know if you even mean it?”

“Because I do!”

I groaned, my head dropping back against the cushions. My buzz was starting to wane, and I wished it would hold on a little longer.

“You were crying in the backseat. We said we’d talk about this tomorrow when you were sobered up. Why don’t we stick to that plan?” he said after a moment.

“Why can’t you just tell me how you actually feel about me?”

“I don’t want to say something and have you not remember it.”

“You’re so annoying,” I grumbled.

He rolled his eyes, standing abruptly. I readied myself for him to leave. I knew I was being childish, but I was tired of keeping everything bottled up. I wouldn’t blame him for dropping me then and there.

But, he reached out a hand.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

I looked up at him curiously, not yet taking his hand.

“You’re staying?”

He nodded. “Of course. I don’t want to leave you like this.”

I reached out, letting him help me up. We walked to my room, quietly undressing. I climbed into bed, watching him as he finally tugged off his pants, leaving him in just his undershirt and boxers. He shut my door, turned off the lights, and got under the covers with me.

He reached out for me under the sheets, tugging me against him. I sighed, resting my hand over his arm.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“It’s okay. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

I woke up to a horrible headache, and a nauseous feeling that I was convinced would probably never ever go away. I was 100% certain I would never drink again ever in my life. It was a set rule that I made very quickly.

“How are you feeling?” Spencer asked.

My next rule was that nobody was ever allowed to speak to me again.

I broke it immediately.

“Like crap.”

“Here,” he said, a stupid smile in his voice from the one word.

I opened my eyes to see him offering me a couple of little pills and a glass of water. I took them, grateful, even though I wanted to tell him to leave me alone in the dark for the next few months. Thankfully, he let me lay in his arms until the medication kicked in and took the edge off of my stupid hangover. I was at least thankful we didn’t have work that day.

My head was buried in his chest when I felt his lips against the top of my head. He rubbed my back, coaxing me back to the real world. Unfortunately I’d been a mess in the real world the night prior and did not want to deal with the aftermath.

“Baby,” he said quietly. “Are you alright?”

“Mhm,” I hummed, leaning back a little. Just enough to see him. “Medicine helped.”

“Good,” he smiled. “I was a little worried. You drank a lot more than you usually do last night.”

“I know. I was a mess.”

He smirked. “A little bit.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, brushing hair out of his face. “I’m sorry we argued.”

He was quiet for a second, then perked up a little when his phone dinged.

“You hungry?”

“I really don’t want to go out, love.”

He laughed softly. “I know. I ordered in while you were laying down.”

“You’re a dream, Spencer Reid.”

We tumbled out of bed, Spencer insisting on preparing everything after he thanked the delivery person at the door. He made me sit at the table and wait for him, not allowing me to do anything at all until all of the food was laid out. He delighted in it.

“There,” he said, setting down our drink at last as he sat next to me. “And you tried saying I didn’t love you.”

My eyes widened, not expecting him to say anything, but especially not like that. He looked at me.

“What?” he questioned.

“That’s how you’re going to tell me?” I asked with a laugh.

“I thought you knew anyways,” he shrugged. “I do love you, you know?”

I felt heat in my cheeks at that, a smile on my face that I couldn’t control. He smiled right back at me, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand.

“Do you really think we’ll last past summer?” I asked, hoping he was feeling honest.

He sighed, the smallest grin on his face.

“It’d be a cruel end if we didn’t.”

[jaeyunsz]

good boys go to heaven (m) - s. jake

pairing: jake x fem!reader (she/her)

genre: 80′s!au, church boy!jake, experienced!reader, smut

warnings: religious innuendos, corruption, jake kinda acts like a perv, y/n is lowkey manipulative, smut [sub!jake, dom!reader, loss of virginity, protected sex, masturbation (m), humping, public sex, voyeurism, praise kink, oral sex (m & f receiving), usage of ‘puppy’ / ‘pup’ towards jake, overstimulation]

word count: 13.5k+

summary: all good boys go to heaven but jake sim has secured a place in hell, thanks to you.

a/n: this is 80% smut and 20% actual plot + i was too lazy to edit and google docs was not working properly, so this piece is unedited! ignore any mistakes pls! AND let me know what you guys think about it! 

His whole life, Jake tried to be the perfect son his parents could ask for. The boy was kind and respectful, always listening to whatever his parents needed to say. He fulfilled his parents’ every wish, always with a bright smile on his face. He graduated high school at the top of his class, always getting the best marks in every exam. He never failed to be his teacher’s favorite. He had close friends who enjoyed his presence and he never failed to spend quality time with them. Most importantly, being the son of a Christian family, he had never skipped going to church on Sunday’s. 

From a young age, Jake was taught the good, the bad and the red line separating them. He was never the one to commit such sins. Even if he did, he would have been ashamed for the rest of his life. However, as he grew up and learned stuff about the world outside of the rules he was made to follow, he realized how thin the line between good and bad was. Foremost, he learned why sins were actually called sins and the reason why they were prohibited. 

It all started with you. 

Instead of going on a boy’s trip, Jake decided to return to his hometown for the spring break. College took its toll on the boy, he just wanted two weeks of peace. Plus, he was sick of eating nothing but instant ramen during his dorm experience since neither he nor his roommate knew how to cook a simple meal. Jake needed power to finish the rest of his semester and the only thing that could make Jake keep going was his mom’s cooking. Not to mention, he also missed his friends from high school and after hearing that all three of them would be back home for the spring break, Jake didn’t need to think twice before buying his bus tickets.

Of course, his parents had to take Jake to the church on the first Sunday of his arrival. It had been a while since he stepped into the old church. The scent of wood and the smell of damp filled his senses. His shoes clicked with every step he took on the stone floor. His eyes watched the sunlight come through from the colored rose windows. The wooden bench creaked when he took a seat next to his parents, wishing that his older brother was with them too but sadly, he had to work in the city. 

It was usual for most of the residents of the town to attend church on Sunday mornings. Since it was a small town, everybody recognized each other. Even if Jake didn’t know every single person’s name, he was familiar with the faces that appeared, except for one of them. 

To say that the spotlight was on you when you walked into the crowd of people trying to find a seat wouldn’t be a lie. Jake was sure his eyes weren’t the only ones staring at your figure. With the white dress you were wearing, Jake could swear that you were an angel. He kept his eyes on you as you chatted with a boy younger than him, Jake remembering his name being Jungwon, as you took a seat a few rows in front of where he was sitting. He could barely hear your voice from all the people talking. He wondered what your business was with the Jungwon kid as he caught a glimpse of you smiling at whatever the younger boy said. Jake didn’t even realize that he was staring until you turned around, making eye contact with him. Jake jumped slightly on his seat, looking down at his feet immediately. Knowing that he was caught in the act, his ears turned red from embarrassment. If he was just a little bit more daring, he would have caught you smiling at him. After getting caught, Jake thought it would be better if he gave his attention to the service rather than you but he couldn’t help but steal a few glances here and there as the day continued. 

Jake went outside for his parents to come instead of waiting in the church when the service ended. They did take a long time chatting with every single person who attended that day. He could have walked home but it was a bit too hot to walk for his liking. Plus, the car had AC. Even though Jake's eyes were mostly on you, he didn’t catch you leaving in the middle of the service. Maybe that was the reason why he didn’t want to walk to his house as soon as he got out. He wanted to see you one more time and maybe get your name. 

‘’Hey Jake! Have you seen my sister by any chance?’’ He heard Jungwon ask from behind, making him turn around to face the boy. 

‘’Sister? Isn’t she standing next to your dad?’’ Jake questioned, pointing where Jungwon’s father and sister were standing, conversing with random people. 

‘’Ugh- Not that one. My step-sister actually. My dad recently got married with her mother and they moved in a few days ago. Soon enough, I found out that she likes to vanish into thin air.’’ Jungwon rambled, looking around for his so-called-new-sister. ‘’She was sitting next to me, the one who wore a white dress… The one who caught you staring at her?’’ Jungwon added, teasing the older boy with a smile on his face. 

‘’First of all, I haven’t seen her. Secondly, I wasn’t staring. I was just curious because I’ve never seen her around here before.’’ Jake shrugged, looking away from Jungwon’s gaze as if he was running away. 

‘’Her name is Y/N by the way, if you were wondering. Anyways, she left saying that she had to use the bathroom but never came back afterwards. I went to look for her, in case something bad happened since nobody takes that long to use the bathroom but she wasn’t there.’’ Jungwon let out a sigh, wondering where you ran off.

‘’Maybe she was feeling dizzy and went to the infirmary. It’s pretty hot today, you know…’’ 

‘’Anyway, if you see her around can you tell her to text me? Also I saw Heeseung earlier, he was looking for you.’’ Jungwon mentioned before his father called him over. He waved a quick goodbye before leaving Jake’s side. 

Hearing Heeseung’s name, Jake decided to go back inside and look for his friend since he hadn’t seen him get out either. His parents were still in a deep conversation with their neighbors and looking at it, they didn’t plan on ending the talk anytime soon. 

See, since Jake’s parents took him to the church whenever they got the chance, he knew the place like the back of his hand. When they were children, Jake and his friends loved playing hide and seek at the back of the church where they had private rooms or downstairs where the storage was. Without any doubt, Jake made his way downstairs to the storage room since it was the place Heeseung loved to hide the most. The storage room was also a place where Heeseung liked to go when he had stuff to think about. 

Jake smiled to himself as he walked to the storage room. He could already hear Heeseung’s quiet voice. As he got closer, he could hear somebody else’s voice. Was Heeseung with somebody? Knitting his eyebrows in confusion, Jake saw that the door of the room wasn’t fully closed. In order not to disturb, Jake took a quiet step and held the doorknob, opening the door enough to see who was in the room with his friend. He was being extremely careful for the door not to creak or make any noise. He lowered his head and squinted his eyes enough to see what was going on in the other side of the room from the opening. 

To say that Jake was shocked at the sight in front of him was not enough. With widened eyes, Jake decided it would be for the best if he just closed the door and left and forgot what he had just seen. But somehow his feet weren’t moving nor his eyes couldn’t help but stare at how his best friend was fucking you. 

Jake got a clear sight of you while Heeseung had his back to the door. The taller boy got you seated on a desk as he stood between your legs. With the skirt of your dress lifted over to your stomach, your white lace panties were dangling on your ankle as one of Heeseung’s hands was squeezing the flesh of your hip while the other one was one your mouth, trying to keep you as quiet as possible. Heeseung’s face was hidden in the crook of your neck, kissing the skin as his hips continued to ram into you. Your hands were on Heeseung’s broad shoulders, holding onto him for support. With Heeseung’s every move, Jake could hear your muffled cries of pleasure. 

Jake licked his lips as he felt his pants getting tighter. Not only he was feeling guilty watching you and Heeseung have sex inside the fucking church but now, he also got a hard-on by secretly watching you. 

When Heeseung let go of your mouth to wrap your legs around his torso, you wrapped your arms around his back and decided to rest your forehead on his shoulder. When you finally decided to look up again, Jake’s eyes met yours, making him raise his eyebrows in shock. Not only Jake was caught staring at you earlier in the morning but now he was caught watching you fuck his best friend. If Jake could die from embarrassment, this would be the right moment for it. Jake was ready to close the door and leave but the look in your eyes made him stay at his original spot. Jake would have thought that you would panic but your eyes said otherwise. It was something he had never seen nor felt before. 

Lust. 

He was taught that lust was one of the seven deadly sins. Lust was said to be selfish, a sexual craving that you failed to control. A desire that gives birth to a sin. 

Somehow you made lust look like a blessing rather than a sin as you kept staring into Jake’s dark eyes when you hit your orgasm. The look on your face when you came was imprinted on Jake’s mind already. He had never seen a person look that blissful. Jake thought, if lust was one of the seven deadly sins prohibited, and premarital sex was considered as a sin, why did it look so tempting? 

The following day, Jake found himself back in the church. Sitting by himself in the back corner, he asked for God’s forgiveness. Not only for watching you and Heeseung get intimate but also for what happened in the bathroom and when he got back home. 

Telling his parents that he wasn’t feeling good, Jake ran back to his room and locked the door behind him just like he did an hour ago when he found himself in the bathroom, still inside the church. There was no way Jake could step outside with a visible hard on in his pants and definitely not after you caught him. He asked for God’s forgiveness before unzipping his pants and lowering them along with his boxers as he sat down on the toilet, focusing on getting himself off. He had sinned once already, it wouldn’t really matter if he sinned more, right? 

Jake would be lying if he told that he hadn’t touched himself before. Of course he did. His morning woods didn’t go away magically. It was just that he didn’t do it often. 

He thought his boner would have gone away after his little getaway at the bathroom but he was still as hard as a rock when he arrived back at the house. He just couldn’t stop thinking of you; how angelic you looked even if you were committing such sin. Was Heeseung that good, you couldn’t keep your hands off him? Would Jake be able to make you feel as good as Heeseung did? Maybe even better? 

Jake wanted to be in Heeseung’s place so badly. He wanted to be the one to hear your needy moans up close and your touch against his skin. Would you also let Jake fuck you the way Heeseung did? With all these sinful thoughts clouding his mind, Jake couldn’t take it anymore. Once again that day, he found himself lowering his pants and boxers as he lay down on his cozy bed. He let out a quiet whimper when he touched his cock, his thumb grazing against his sensitive tip. With his other hand, he covered his mouth. God forbid what would happen if his parents came up to his room and caught him pleasuring himself. He couldn’t dare to make any noise. 

He spat on his other hand before bringing it back to touch his dick. He moved his hand slowly at first. He was still sensitive from his previous orgasm. Squeezing his cock slightly, he started to move his hand faster. He spread the precum on his dick, getting it wetter so he could move his hand easier. The silence was replaced with the wet sounds of his hand pumping his dick. He wanted to keep it low-key but it felt so fucking good, he couldn’t get himself to slow down. Jake thought he had everything under control but suddenly everything turned messy. He was now biting on his hand not to make a noise. He closed his eyes to focus on his pleasure, the sight of you getting fucked by Heeseung appearing in front of him but this time, it wasn’t Heeseung but himself getting a taste of you. 

His hips bucked into his palm as he arched his back whenever his thumb brushed past his tip. His toes curled with every thrust of his hand, tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He wanted to moan your name so bad. Jake thought, if you enjoyed being watched, you would also enjoy watching him pleasure himself. He got even more turned on imagining you sitting by the edge of your bed as you ordered him around like a puppy. He would do literally anything to please you. 

Jake changed his position since his hand was getting tired. He lay on his stomach, hiding his face into his separate pillow. He folded the other pillow, putting it just under his abdomen. Jake didn’t have a single idea what he was doing but he really needed some kind of release and it seemed like humping his pillow would be one of the better choices he had in mind. With his nails digging into the white sheet covering his bed, he started moving his hips. He moaned into the pillow when he felt the friction against his cock. It was a satisfying feeling, the material of the pillow cover was soft, it didn’t burn like he had expected. 

As he continued to hump his pillow, he imagined rubbing his dick on your pussy. He had no doubt that you would feel a hundred times better than the pillow. He thought about kissing every inch of your body as you lay beneath him, begging him to fuck you. He just knew that you would sound so pretty moaning his name. Jake was ready to sell his soul to the devil to hear such intimate noises come out of you. Bonus point, if he was the reason for your pretty moans. 

Jake would never be able to erase the memory of you hitting your high and especially the state you were in when you came. He just couldn’t get the image out of his head. Your hair was all tangled up and messy, your lips were swollen, probably from kissing. Your legs were trembling as you tried to hold back your moan. Your face was glistening with sweat as Heeseung continued moving his hips to hit his own orgasm. 

Soon enough, Jake felt the familiar feeling of his orgasm building up. He started moving his hips faster. He slipped one hand between his body and the bed to massage his balls. He knew for sure that he was failing miserably when it came to keeping his mouth shut. He felt his dick twitch when he gave his balls a squeeze. It was getting hard holding himself up. Drops of sweat rolled down from the side of his face as he panted. 

Rolling on his back once again, he leaned against his elbow, holding himself up. His other hand wrapped around his dick again, jerking himself off as fast as he could. His eyes were locked on how his hand moved on his pulsating cock. Once again, he imagined it was your hand wrapped around his dick instead of his. The thought was enough for him to cum right there and then. 

‘’Fuck, Y/N-’’ He mewled right before he came into his hand. He continued to move his hand as he rode out his orgasm. Jake threw his head back with a not-so-quiet moan as he continued to release his seed. Jake didn’t know he was capable of cumming this much. 

After he finished, he couldn’t find the energy to get up and clean himself. He dragged himself out of the bed to take a quick shower in his bathroom. For the first time, Jake didn’t feel guilty about touching himself. Why would he when it felt like drinking lemonade after a hot day out? 

Jake was only back in town for the spring break, for only two weeks. He could go two weeks without bumping into you or simply ignoring you. It didn’t seem to be so hard and for two days, he was going better than he expected until Wednesday. 

Of course, his parents had to drag him to the bake sale taking place at the church’s back garden. He could have easily said that he was sick, again, but his parents acted quicker by handing him a try filled with chocolate chip cookies. 

He just knew that you would be present and not because he knew how much Jungwon enjoyed eating his mother’s chocolate chip cookies but because of the uneasy feeling he had inside. Jake's so-called sixth sense never lied to him and yet, once again his gut was right when he saw you standing right in front of him. 

‘’Are you going to ignore my presence or do you want me to sit on your lap that much to get your attention?’’ You said, making Jake look up from his phone. He was doing so well at ignoring you since he arrived at the bake sale. Jake was wrong to assume that you would also forget about what happened a few days ago but it seemed like you had other plans; plans that included him. 

‘’You want to buy some cookies for Jungwon?’’ Jake asked, trying to keep his cool. He looked unamused from the outside, but he was burning up inside. 

‘’You and I both know I’m not here for cookies.’’ You replied, taking a step closer to the boy. ‘’So you’re just going to ignore me and what you saw a couple of days ago, huh?’’ 

‘’It was none of my business so it would be for the best if we don’t bring it up ever again.’’ Jake shrugged, trying to ignore the tension between you and him.

‘’If it wasn’t your business, why didn’t you leave?’’ You leaned in, whispering in his ear. ‘’Not even after I caught you red handed. You’re into that kind of stuff, aren’t you Jake?’’ 

Jake’s breath hitched in his through when his name left your lips. His name sounded even sweeter when you were the one calling him. He turned his hand into a fist, knuckles turning white as he tried to hold himself back. It was funny how this was the first time you were having a conversation yet you had such a big effect on him. It seemed like you had caught up on it since your innocent smile was replaced with a sly smirk.

‘’You like it when I say your name? That’s cute.’’ You teased him, making his face turn red. 

‘’What you did was inappropriate. I don’t care what you do with your personal life but at a church really? And you left in the middle of service just to have sex with a guy? I know somebody who has a reserved place in hell.’’ Jake scoffed, taking a step back to put some distance between the two of you. 

‘’That makes two of us. Did you also think about me when you were getting off in the bathroom?’’ You chuckled, making Jake stop dead in his tracks. ‘’Yeah, you weren’t being quiet but don’t worry nobody else heard you. You want everyone to think that you are the perfect Christian son but guess what? That ship has already sailed and left you behind. You’ve already got a taste of what can lust offer and on top of that, you enjoyed it. You want more. You crave for more. You are already in too deep, not even God will forgive you for your actions from now on. So tell me, do you want to see more or are you still going to beg for forgiveness?’’ 

In another universe, Jake would have ignored everything you said and maybe continued helping his family out by selling the infamous chocolate chip cookies. Maybe he would have acted the way his parents wanted. He would have made a decision according to his morals and ‘chose’ the right path. 

Maybe in another universe, he wouldn’t have ended up with his cock in your mouth in the same storage room where you and his best friend hooked up just a few days ago. 

Jake knew that he wasn’t going to last long from the moment you dropped on your knees in front of him. His knuckles turned white from how strong he was holding the edge of the desk he was leaning against when you pulled down his jeans along with his underwear, leaving his cock free. 

‘’God, Jake you’re so big.’’ You said, wrapping your fingers around his dick and moving it slightly. Jake gulped at the sudden contact and inhaled a deep breath. You just didn’t bring up God’s name while you were touching his cock.

‘’Please keep God’s name out of this. Don’t say it.’’ He requested with a quiet voice, earning a chuckle from you. 

‘’Oh, sweet boy.’’ You cooed, looking up to his red face as you continued to move your hand at a slow pace on his cock. ‘’You won’t remember the existence of God by the time I finish playing with you.’’

Your words made Jake’s eyes widen and before he could reply, you wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock. He whimpered at the new feeling and bit down on his lip. He closed his eyes, not because of pleasure but from embarrassment. Here you were, with your pretty mouth on his cock and he didn’t know where to look, let alone what to do. 

You pulled back just seconds later and stopped your movements on his cock. ‘’Watch me, puppy.’’ To Jake, that sounded like an order, making him immediately open his eyes and look down at you, meeting your eyes. 

There it was, the change in your eyes. The exact same look you had when he watched you from the small opening of the door. The lustful gaze, the premier reason why he was here. 

‘’Good boy.’’ You mumbled, putting your hands on his bare thighs. ‘’Keep your eyes on me.’’ 

Once again, you put your mouth to good use and this time Jake’s eyes were on you. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw you take his cock into your mouth. The warm and wet feeling of your mouth was way better than his own hand, of course. He just wasn’t used to it. One thing he was sure about was that he wanted more. 

You started off with the tip again, swirling your tongue around it teasingly. Gradually, you took more of him. You held your tongue down, lapping at his cock as you tried to fill him in your mouth. With Jake staring at his cock disappearing between your lips, he tried so hard to hold back and not buck his hips. He let out a needy cry when he felt his tip brush the back of your throat. You looked up to him through your eyelashes, wanting to see his reaction. 

‘’Please.’’ He mouthed, craving for some kind of friction. He needed you to move, not that he wouldn’t come with you staying still with his dick in your mouth. He just wanted to experience the whole thing since there was no way he was going to get his dick sucked a second time. 

When you started to bob your head, he let out a shaky moan. It didn’t take you long enough to figure out that Jake was very vocal and he wasn’t trying to be subtle about it. You liked a man who didn’t hold back his moans. Since Jake let you know that you were, indeed , making him feel good, you moved at a faster pace. He whimpered every single time when his tip touched your throat, making you gag in progress. 

Jake was so lost in the pleasure he was receiving from you that there was nothing in his mind other than you and especially the urge to cum. The feeling was just too good, he couldn’t focus on anything else. With his dick twitching in your mouth, he figured out he was about to cum. It was kinda surprising that he lasted this long. He just needed a little bit more, he was just on the edge. Jake didn’t need to tell you that he was close, it was easy to read him. 

You focused on his sensitive tip again, sucking on it as you jerked off the rest of his cock. He was already letting tears of pleasure roll down his cheeks as he begged for more and more. His palms were sweating, his hands couldn’t hold the edge of the desk anymore since they were slipping. 

‘’God, please-’’ He whimpered, throwing his head back. 

He wanted to pull away, not sure if you were okay with him coming inside your mouth but when he tried to, you grabbed on his thighs tighter and didn’t let him. Good that he didn’t try again since the moment you dug your nails into his thighs, he was already painting your throat with his cum. Closing his eyes, he let out moan after moan. He opened them right back on time to watch you swallow his seed, your eyes staring into his as you licked your lips. 

‘’I thought we were not going to bring God’s name into this puppy.’’ You teased him as you got up, brushing dust away from your dress as Jake pulled up his jeans. 

‘’You are the devil herself.’’ Jake mentioned, still not coming to a conclusion, that he got his dick sucked, in a church, while his parents were selling cookies outside. 

‘’You’re not far from it either now, are you? Better take that purity ring off your fingers. God knows what you did.’’ You snickered, eyeing his finger. Jake hid his hand as his cheeks turned red. Suddenly guilt washed over him again. 

‘’This was a mistake.’’ Jake spoke, not glancing at your way before making his way over to the door and getting out, leaving you alone in the dusty room with a knowing smirk on your face. 

Jake didn’t expect to sit right across from you at the local diner when the original plan was to meet up with his friends, not you. When he saw you enter the diner with Heeseung, he felt like his head was going to explode. He didn’t like how you laughed at everything Heeseung said, how touchy you got with him and most importantly how you didn’t even look at Jake’s way ever since you arrived. 

Jake knew he was in the wrong for feeling this type of way. He was the one to say what happened between you two was a mistake and leaving. He hated how he craved more of you. He was jealous of how Heeseung could joke around and make you laugh, how he could touch you easily and how he got to fuck you first. 

Jake despised how you were able to ruin his life in less than a week and pushed him to commit not only one, but now two deadly sins; lust and envy. 

‘’I hope you guys didn’t mind me bringing Y/N along.’’ Heeseung started when you left to use the bathroom. ‘’She was hanging around by herself in front of the church so I asked her to come. She’s pretty, isn’t she?’’ 

‘’Hmm, heard that she was Jungwon’s step-sister. Jay is a lucky one since he can just show up in front of Jungwon’s door whenever he wants to.’’ Sunghoon sighed, playing with the napkins in front of him. 

‘’Why would you think that?’’ Jay shook his head, taking a sip from his drink.

‘’Aren’t you his tutor or something? You can use the tutor card to see his new sister every day. I mean I’d do that.’’ Sunghoon explained, nudging his friend’s arm.

‘’First of all, you were disgusting. Second, why didn’t I think of that?’’ Jay says in awe, patting Sunghoon’s back before turning to Jake. ‘’You met her at the church, right Jake?’’ 

Jake nodded in response, not in the mood to talk nor listen to the conversation his friends were having about you. 

‘’Fuck- Is she a church girl? She’s going to be hard to pull off then.’’ Sunghoon muttered, sad that his plans failed even before he got a chance to try it out. 

‘’She’s not, don’t worry.’’ Heeseung snickered, a smirk on his face. ‘’Talking from experience.’’

There was nothing more Jake wanted to do than punch Heeseung in the face. To think about it, he wanted to punch Sunghoon and Jay too. Them talking about girls wasn’t something new. Whenever the four of them returned to their hometown for a small break from the university life, girls and sex were two things they talked about. Sometimes Jake felt like an outcast since he basically had zero experience until two days ago and not to mention that he was still a virgin, by choice of course. He basically learned everything he knew about sex from listening his friends’ experiences. 

All eyes were back on you when you returned but your eyes were on Jake for the first time that evening. Jake was fast to break eye contact and turn his head. He expected you to take a seat but instead you stood in front of the table. 

‘’It’s getting late. I have to go, promised mom to unpack since I still have a few boxed lying around my room.’’ You explained, thanking Heeseung for inviting you. 

‘’I’ll take you-’’ Heeseung started his sentence but soon, he was cut off with Jake getting out of the booth to stand next to you.

‘’I’ll walk you home. It’s closer to mine anyway.’’ Jake interrupted his friend, earning an unamused look from him. Jake was sure his friend was planning to bring you back to his house, too bad for him. 

After saying your goodbyes, you left the diner and started walking back home. Street lights were the only source of light since it was a cloudy night, moon nowhere to be seen. With the chilly breeze kissing your skin, you hugged your thin sweater tighter. You cursed yourself for not wearing a longer skirt but in your defense, you didn’t think the night would be colder than usual. At least, your house was not so far away from the diner.

No words were exchanged between the two of you at first but you didn’t fail to catch Jake glancing at you from time to time. Jake thought he made a wrong decision by offering to walk you home. He just did it so Heeseung wouldn’t. He couldn’t foresee how silence could be painful. He wanted to speak to you but whenever he opened his mouth, he just shut it right back. 

‘’Such a gentleman, aren’t you?’’ Of course, you would be the first one to break the silence. Jake was lowkey hoping for you to be the first one to talk since he didn’t have any balls for it. ‘’You seemed pretty upset back there.’’ You continued with a teasing tone. Maybe it was time for Jake to speak about what was going on in his mind. 

‘’Why didn’t you look at me back there?’’ Jake asked with a quiet voice, still not having enough courage to meet your eyes. The question made you giggle.

‘’So you wanted my attention? Cute.’’ You chuckled, smiling at Jake. You stopped walking to stare at him which made him stop too. ‘’Weren’t you the one telling that what happened back in church was a mistake?’’

Jake let out a stressed sigh, looking at his feet. ‘’I did but it doesn’t mean that I want you to ignore me.’’ 

‘’It seems like you are the one ignoring me.’’ You clapped back, stomping your feet on the ground like an angry child. 

‘’Ugh- I just- I can’t-’’ He stumbled over his words, bringing a hand to scratch his neck. ‘’I thought you’d want to talk to Heeseung rather than me.’’ 

‘’And why would you think that?’’ You folded your arms over your chest, tapping your feet as you waited for an answer. 

‘’He’s just- He’s older and more mature than me. Not to mention, he’s taller and more handsome. He always knows what to say to a girl and make them fall on their knees-’’

‘’You made me fall on my knees Jake, let me remind you that.’’ You cut him off, clicking your tongue. ‘’I don’t suck every dick that is offered to me. I only suck the ones I want and before you ask, no I didn’t suck Heeseung’s dick.’’ 

Jake was confused, nothing you said made sense to him. Why wouldn’t you want to suck Heeseung’s dick but his? Heeseung was more experienced than him and the older boy sure knew what to do way better than he did. Jake was just a nineteen year old virgin college student. Nobody would prefer him over the Lee Heeseung. 

‘’W-Why?’’

‘’I like good boys… like you.’’ You confessed, making Jake finally look up, only to meet your pretty eyes staring at him. ‘’Looks like you’re not such a good boy anymore though. Where did your ring go, pretty boy?’’ You mentioned, eyeing his empty finger on his left hand. Jake hid his hand in the pocket of his pants, his ears turning red. 

‘’How did you notice?’’ Jake questioned, feeling your gaze on him once again.

‘’I always look at your fingers.’’ You revealed, making Jake tilt his head in confusion. ‘’And think about how good they would feel inside me.’’ 

When you mentioned that Jake was going to help you unpack the boxes crowding your room, your step-father was more than happier to let Jake inside. Since it was still considered early for a Friday evening, none of your siblings were home and your mother was visiting the neighbors. To think that your step-dad was a workaholic, you assumed he was going to lock himself in his study room next to the kitchen until your mom came back. 

‘’We’re not going to unbox anything, are we?’’ Jake asked, stepping inside your room to see everything was already in place. 

‘’We’re not.’’ 

He didn’t really expect to lay down on your bed, half naked, with your body tangled in his. Jake had already had his first kiss but he had never made out with somebody. When he told you this, you were more than happy to help him out.

Lying down sideways as you faced each other, you guided Jake’s hands on your body, giving him consent to touch you wherever he wanted. Jake was already breathing heavily and it felt like his heart was going to jump out from his chest when you leaned in closer to his face, noses brushing against each other. You kissed him delicately at first, you didn’t want to start off harsh and scare the boy away. Putting one hand behind his neck and the other one on his cheek, you pulled him closer to you so you could depend the kiss even more. When he felt comfortable, he started kissing you back, trying to copy your movements. Using his left hand, he brushed your hair back so it wouldn’t bother you. His right hand was shaking slightly when it finally came into contact with your waist. 

You mewled into the kiss when his cold fingertips grazed your skin, making Jake pull away, thinking that he did something wrong. When you assured him everything was alright, you put your lips on his again. You decided it was time for taking things a little bit further after coming to a conclusion that Jake was enjoying it. You sucked on his bottom lip gently as you moved your hands to his broad shoulders. Jake whimpered when you slipped your tongue into his mouth, making you giggle into the kiss. It was the sweetest sound Jake had ever heard in his life. You sucked on his tongue with him repeating your actions. He was surprisingly good for his first time, as expected he was a fast learner. As the kiss got more heated, Jake became uneasy. He could feel his dick getting hard under his boxers and you had taken a note of it since his crotch was brushing against your leg.  

‘’Touch me more, puppy.’’ You mumbled into the kiss, saliva dripping down your chin. ‘’I want your hands everywhere.’’ 

You lowered your hands on his chest, grazing his skin with your fingers before pulling him closer to you by his waist. You tangled your leg with his, bringing his thigh just under your crotch. Jake groaned when he felt how wet your panties were. You were soaking through the material. His grip on your waist tightened, making you smirk into the kiss. 

‘’You feel how wet I’m for you pup?’’ You said sweetly like it was the most innocent thing ever. You started rocking your hips on his thigh, spreading your wetness. He gulped nervously as his eyes were glued on you. He wanted to look down below but he was too flustered for it. 

‘’F-For me?’’ He stammered, his heart loudly in his chest. ‘’I made you wet?’’ He sounded surprised, making you put on another smile on your face. You brought your thumb to caress his swollen lips as you looked at him with dark eyes. His plump lips were redder than before from all the kissing and you were sure that they hurt a little. 

‘’Of course, puppy. You’re so handsome and sexy. Every girl out there would have gotten wet if they were in my situation.’’ You hummed, pushing your thumb into his mouth. You pressed it on his tongue, making him suck on it. You continued moving your hips on his thigh as the friction felt too good on your pulsating clit. Jake whined every time when he felt your damp panties stick on his skin. ‘’You’d like that wouldn’t you…’’ 

‘’You’re the only one that matters.’’ Jake mumbled when you pulled your thumb back. He wanted to kiss you again but he didn’t want to be the one who initiated it. He looked at you with his chocolate brown eyes, lust hiding behind his irises. 

‘’Tell me what you want, baby.’’ You murmured as your lips moved to his jawline, kissing and sucking his skin. ‘’I wouldn’t know if you don’t tell me.’’ 

Jake hesitated before saying what was in his mind, what he wanted to do to you. He just wanted to feel all of your body, touch you, kiss you like you were doing to him right now. It felt different when you kissed his neck, much different than what he felt when you were kissing his lips. You got his toes curling when your lips met his neck, leaving him whimpering needily. 

‘’Can I kiss your body?’’ He requested, making you stop and raise your head. You raised your eyebrows in surprise before nodding. 

He tried to reenact how your lips were moving on his body. Hesitantly, his lips met your neck. He inhaled your scent, your perfume making him dizzy. He started off with peppering kisses on your skin. Then he decided to put more pressure into his kisses. He knew he was doing an okay job when he heard you let out a short moan. He moved his hand to your back as he lowered his head to kiss your shoulder then collarbones. He halted his movements when he came face to face with your bra. 

‘’You can undress me baby.’’ You encouraged him, tangling your fingers in his hair. 

Yeah, Jake wanted to take off your bra and throw it somewhere across your room but he simply didn’t know how to get it off. He knew there wasn’t a clasp or anything in front of it since he found himself staring at the pink ribbon in front of your bra. So he thought there should be something on the back. He dragged his fingers on your back until he hit the material of your bra. His fingers searched for a zip, a button, anything but he was still left with nothing. 

‘’I’m sorry, I can’t-’’ He huffed in annoyance, his palms sweating. 

‘’It’s okay, pup. I’ll teach you.’’ You brought your hands to your back where Jake’s hands were, guiding his hand over to the hook holding your bra together. You unhooked it as the straps fell down on your shoulders. ‘’You can take it off now.’’ 

Jake licked his lips before pulling the straps down on your arms gently. He took it off your body and put it elsewhere. He stared at your hardened nipples, feeling anxious again. Realizing the change in his mood, you cupped his face and pressed a kiss on his plump lips. Just when you were about to pull away, Jake followed your lips, not letting you break the kiss. 

‘’Do you want to continue kissing me, baby?’’ You mumbled, not breaking the kiss. Jake just hummed and continued to make out with you messily. You brought his hand to your breast, encouraging him to feel it. He moaned into the kiss once again when he felt how hard your nipple had gotten. You yelped when you felt him brush his thumb against it. ‘’More…’’ You pleaded, your hands roaming all over his body. 

Jake repeated what he had done before, flicking the nub with his thumb as he played with your breast. You moaned into the kiss, squeezing your thighs together to feel some friction. He had no idea how worked up you were getting over him. You wanted to teach him everything you knew, corrupt the pretty head of his with sinful thoughts. You wanted to use him for your own pleasure. 

You rubbed your crotch against his bulge, making him let out a cry. He was already painfully hard from all the kissing and touching. You slipped your hand between your bodies to palm him through his underwear. 

‘’Fuck-’’ Jake cursed when you grabbed his hard cock over the thin material. His boxers were already stained with precum. You started to move your palm up and down, putting on some pressure on his dick. Jake was already sweating, his hair sticking on his forehead. 

‘’Does my puppy want to cum?’’ You cooed, playing with the waistband of his boxers. ‘’Or do you want me to keep playing with you?’’ 

‘’Please… Touch me more.’’ He panted, his eyes giving you a pleading look. ‘’I need it, please just-’’ 

‘’Let’s try something new, hmm? Something that will benefit both of us because only God and I know how drenched my pussy is right now.’’ You whispered, pulling your hand away from his cock just to grab Jake’s hand and guide him inside your panties. ‘’Seems like there will be a third person on the list soon.’’ 

Jake sat up straight when he realized what was happening. He leaned against the headboard as you crawled closer to him, standing on your knees. With your hand on top of his, you guided his fingers on your clit first. You let out a whimper when his fingers grazed over the small nub of nerves. You felt even more sensitive than before and one touch was enough to get your clit throbbing for attention. You made Jake put some pressure on your clit, making your toes curl in return. Jake’s eyes were stuck watching how his hand moved inside your underwear. He had also noticed that whenever you made him circle your clit, your legs trembled. You were trying so hard not to close them. It was getting harder for you to support yourself on your knees as Jake took the lead, moving his fingers gently on your clit. You withdrew your hand from your panties and let Jake do whatever he wanted. 

‘’Feels so good, just like that baby… Such a good boy.’’ You praised him, locking your fingers in his hair as you focused on the sudden pleasure you were receiving. You held onto the headboard with your free hand for support. With the sudden confidence, Jake moved his fingers to your folds, his eyes widening even more when he felt how much wetter you had gotten. ‘’That’s how much you turn me on, pup. Believe me now?’’  

Jake only let out a low groan, his fingers grazing your wet folds. ‘’You’re dripping on my fingers.’’ He murmured, before slipping a finger between your folds, then a second one, catching you off guard. ‘’Y-You wanted this right? You said you thought about how my fingers would feel inside of you.’’ He reminded you, pushing his fingers all the way in but not making any attempt to move them. 

‘’God, Jake move your fingers.’’ You cried, trying to fuck yourself on his fingers. 

When you said ‘move’, Jake didn’t understand how you wanted him to move his fingers. Did you want him to move his fingers in and out or back and forth? He tried to curl his fingers upwards, remembering the time when Sunghoon was talking about how he made this one girl cum by simply doing this. 

You let out a choked sob when Jake’s fingers put pressure on your sensitive spot. Your legs shook as he kept pressing his fingers on it rather than pumping them. It felt weird but in a good way, you couldn’t explain it even if you tried. Your walls clenched around his fingers and if he didn’t stop, you’d be coming soon.

‘’Baby, not like that.’’ You managed to say, making him stop his movements. ‘’In and out, alright pup? I need you to stretch me so I can take your huge cock with ease later.’’ 

Jake whimpered at the thought of his dick filling up your cunt. He couldn’t wait for the moment to come so he did as he was told to. He started pumping his fingers diligently after you pushed your cotton panties aside, giving him more space to work easily. 

‘’Your fingers feel so good, baby.’’ You breathed out, caressing his soft locks. Every now and then, Jake looked at your reaction. He needed to know if he was making you feel good. He needed your affirmation, he wanted to hear you say that he was doing a good job, that you were enjoying it. So when these words came out of your mouth, he smiled to himself. ‘’They’re so pretty, just like you.’’ 

It was easy to make Jake blush. He looked so cute when his cheeks turned into a soft crimson color. You loved seeing him all flustered because of something you said. You adored this side of him but also you couldn’t wait to see him cry and beg for his release later, not today but soon. 

‘’Can I take your panties off?’’ He asked, his big puppy eyes staring into yours after he pulled out his fingers. With your consent, he rolled down your underwear off your knees, leaving you bare in front of him. 

Jake took a minute just to stare at you, taking the sight in front of him in. You were the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his life. Everything about you made him go crazy. He met you less than a week ago but he was so deeply attracted to you. He was in awe. How could a person looking this angelic was a sinner? 

‘’Can I kiss you… here?’’ Jake mumbled, moving his fingers to your clit once again, pressing against it. Your breath hitched in your throat once again, you didn’t expect such a bold move from him. 

‘’Baby… Don’t you want to cum?’’ You asked, cupping his face in your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumb. ‘’We can do it some other time.’’ 

‘’I want to do it now.’’ He insisted. ‘’I want to make you feel good too. I want you to tell me that I’m doing good. I want to be your good boy, please.’’ 

‘’Cute.’’ You commented before rolling on top of him, your knees failing to hold you up. You felt more relaxed with the sudden change of your position. You leaned in to place a kiss on his lips. ‘’You’re already my good boy.’’ 

You hooked your fingers under the waistband of his underwear, pulling it down. Jake let out a relieved sigh when you finally took off his underwear. His dick was already twitching and there was no doubt that he would come before he could even more inside your pussy. Should he tell you? It would be less embarrassing than cumming the moment he pushed his dick between your folds. 

‘’I don’t think I’m going to last.’’ He confessed with a quiet voice. ‘’I mean if we have sex now because I’m just- When I touched you I got so excited so like-’’ He kept on rambling. 

You held his chin between your fingers, making him look up to you. ‘’It’s your first time, baby. Nobody lasts long on their first time.’’ You reassured, pushing his body against the headboard before leaning towards your bedside table to grab a condom. ‘’Now be the good boy you are. Got it, pup?’’

You helped him put the condom on before adjusting your position above his crotch. Jake held your bed sheets in his hands as he tried to ease his heavy breathing. He felt like choking as he felt a lump on his throat. He didn’t know where to look; your face or his dick. His eyes kept moving from left to right. His heart felt like it was going to stop. He was sure that you could hear how fast it was beating. The goosebumps on his skin were visible. He licked his lips in anticipation as he waited for your next move. 

God, please forgive the sin I’m about to commit, he thought. 

Lining up his cock at your entrance, you slowly started sinking on it. The tip of his dick slid easily in your wet cunt. You stopped your movements when you heard Jake grunt, making you look up to him. His cheeks were flushed red as always when his eyes met your nose. Your faces were at close proximity, making your nose brush against his. Jake blinked at you, letting you know that he was good to go. You placed your lips on his for the nth time that evening, trying to get him to relax. The boy couldn’t even kiss you back properly as his lips were shaking.

Putting your hands on his shoulders, you continued to lower yourself on his cock more. You continued to kiss him with tongue, giving time for him to get used to the new feeling as you tried to adjust to his size. Jake let out broken whimpers of pure bliss when you sat down on his cock, taking every inch of him inside of you. Before moving, you made sure that Jake felt more relaxed, so you just stood still with his huge cock in your slick cunt as you sucked on his neck. 

‘’Oh gosh-’’ Jake cried, his voice shaking. His toes curled at the new kind of pleasure he was feeling. 

This new pleasure was way different than anything he had experienced before. Not his hand nor the feeling of your mouth came close to it. The warmth made his eyes roll back in pleasure. Your walls were hugging his cock tightly, he had never imagined that your pussy would feel this tight, not even after he fingered you. He could stay still like this, with his cock in your tight pussy, for hours but suddenly, he felt the urge to buck his hips upwards. His cock pulsated in your cunt, aching for some kind of friction. 

‘’How do you feel, pup?’’ You mumbled, pulling away from his neck. You smirked when you realized he was breathing heavier than before as he tried to hold back from jerking his hips. 

‘’So good…’’ His voice cracked.

‘’Your cock is so big Jake. Do you know deep inside you are?’’ You brought one his hands on your belly, making him touch it. You pressed his hand harder on your belly, the pressure making your mouth form an ‘o’. ‘’I feel you right here. Mmmh, so fucking huge. I can’t wait to cum all over it.’’ 

‘’Fuck me. Please fuck me. I can’t handle it anymore.’’ He begged eagerly, moving his hands to your hips. 

You chuckled at how needy he sounded. You got him exactly where you wanted. Without saying anything else, you lifted your hips and sank back down on his cock. Jake cursed, throwing his head back. You continued your movements and bounced on his dock at a steady rythm. His beautiful body was already trembling from pleasure. 

‘’Look at you, pup.’’ You breathed out, resting your forehead against his. ‘’Feels good doesn’t it, letting me use you like a fuck toy?’’ 

He just moaned in response. He wasn’t in the state to open his mouth and speak, let alone form a proper sentence. His grip on your hips got tighter with your every move. Jake’s orgasm was already on the edge, like he had told you before. If you kept saying such nasty things, it wouldn’t be taking him long to release. 

‘’Do you like it, puppy? Do you like how pussy feels wrapped around your big cock?’’ You leaned in, whispering in his ear. ‘’Talk to me.’’

‘’So tight…’’ He whimpered when you started sucking on his earlobe. ‘’Feels like heaven.’’ 

‘’You better not forget how my pussy feels since you’re not going to heaven anymore.’’ 

If you didn’t kiss him again, Jake would have choked on thin air. His one way ticket to heaven was long forgotten from the moment he first saw you. There was no fucking way anything in heaven felt better than what you were making him feel. 

Your pussy was his heaven. 

You felt his dick twitch when your walls clenched, making him let out another moan. His rusty moans were so sexy. You were glad that he didn’t hold back such pretty sounds. 

‘’I’m-’’

‘’I know, pup. Me too.’’ 

You continued to bounce on his cock as your orgasm continued to build up. You changed the angle slightly so his dick would hit your g-spot repetitively. You choked out a sob as your walls clenched around Jake’s dick continuously.  

‘’Fuck- I’m cumming.’’ Jake’s eyes rolled back when your pussy sucked his cock in. With your walls squeezing, urging him to release his seed, Jake’s body shook from pleasure. He came with your name rolling off his tongue. 

As Jake continued to cum, he jerked his hips upwards involuntarily. You started rolling your hips back and forth, chasing your own high. Jake rested his head on your shoulder, his hands wrapping around your body. He was sobbing, begging you to slow down since he was extremely sensitive from his orgasm. He wasn’t used to getting overstimulated. 

‘’Stay with me, baby. You want to see how your cock makes me cum, right?’’ You grabbed his chin, squeezing his cheeks with your fingers and made him look at you. 

‘’I-I do.’’ 

‘’Good boy.’’ 

You came with a loud moan, your walls clenching around his dick. You leaned your body against Jake’s. You didn’t have the power to hold yourself up any longer. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, whimpering as you continued to ride out your orgasm. Jake could have gotten fully hard again as he listened to the soft whimpers slipping past your lips, just next to his ear, if he had enough energy. 

‘’You did so well, baby.’’ You mumbled, bringing him into a chaste kiss. Jake hummed against your lips, relaxing into your touch. ‘’You weren’t that much quiet though. You’re lucky that my step-father locks himself in that dusty room.’’

‘’You weren’t quiet either.’’ Jake noted, making you raise your eyebrows. 

‘’Ah so, I’m the one to blame. Does my puppy need a fact check?’’ You smirked, slightly moving your hips on his semi-hard cock, immediately earning a moan from him. 

You leaned in to place a kiss on his lips again. Jake closed his eyes, waiting for the kiss but it never came. You pulled away from him when you heard your mom’s voice coming from downstairs. 

‘’Fuck.’’ You cursed, getting off from his lap to put some clothes on and fix your hair. ‘’My mom came earlier than expected.’’ You let him know, throwing his clothes at him and telling him to throw the used condom into the trash bin under your desk. 

You opened the windows to some fresh air into the room. You didn’t want your room to be smelling like sex and sweat if your mom decided to come upstairs and check up on you. As Jake dressed, you fixed your bed. You made Jake sit down on your chair as you took a seat on the edge of your bed right before somebody, possibly your mom, knocked on the door. Both of you jumped at the sudden sound, getting up once again when your mom entered your room.

‘’Here you are. My husband told me that we had a guest.’’ Your mother’s curious eyes were on Jake. 

‘’Ah, yes. Jake from church. You met his parents last Sunday after the service.’’ You commented, playing with your fingers nervously. ‘’He helped me with some boxes in my room. We were… We were just talking about joining the Bible study group in church next week before you came.’’ 

‘’Bible study gr- Yes, we are planning to sign up after the service this Sunday.’’ Jake backed you up with a weird look on his face. He couldn’t lie to save his own life. 

‘’That’s so nice. I’m glad that Y/N is making friends. Have you guys had dinner? Do you want me to prepare something?’’ Your mother kept insisting on staying in your room, mostly because she wanted to get to know Jake a little bit more. 

Jake opened his mouth to speak but he closed it back when you spoke in his place. ‘’Jake was about to leave before you came, mom. It’s already late, I’m sure he’s tired from helping me. I’ll walk him out.’’ 

‘’It’s nice to meet you, Jake!’’ Your mom said from behind after you grabbed Jake and dragged him downstairs. He could barely talk to your mom since you were literally running to the door. 

‘’Bible study group, really? I haven’t signed up for a Bible study group since I was 12.’’ Jake mentioned, standing on the front porch with you. 

‘’I’m sorry Jake. Do you want me to go inside and tell my mom that I fucked you in my room and we were just about to fuck again if she didn’t come home?’’ Your comment shut Jake up so fast, making you let out a chuckle. ‘’Joining the Bible study group is a good idea if you want to fuck more. You didn’t think this would be a one time thing, did you?’’

‘’You didn’t?’’ 

‘’Do you think I’d let you go after you gave me a proper orgasm? You’re mine now, puppy. You’re not going anywhere.’’ 

Jake didn’t really expect you to show up at his house the next day, making up some excuse to tell to his parents so you could sneak inside his room. Jake was reading a book when you opened the door to his room. The look in his eyes was undefinable when he saw you standing just a feet away from his bed. Soon later, his book was tossed aside and you were getting comfortable on his lap, your lips locked on his. 

‘’You’re so naughty, letting me feel you like this while your mom is making cookies downstairs.’’ You mumbled, pulling away from the kiss.‘’Are you going to be loud like yesterday or keep quiet so your mom doesn’t catch his innocent son in such a suggestive position? You know, your mom told me not the lock the door.’’ 

‘’I’ll keep quiet.’’ He whispered, his eyes stuck on your lips, begging for you to kiss him again. ‘’I won’t open my mouth, please.’’ 

‘’Tsk.’’ You clicked your tongue, the corner of your lips turning upwards. ‘’God wouldn’t like you lying, hm? We both know that you can’t control yourself yet.’’ 

‘’N-No, I can do it. I swear-’’ 

You put a hand over his mouth, a smirk forming on your lips. ‘’Let’s do it my way, shall we?’’ 

That afternoon, Jake managed to keep quiet thanks to your hand never leaving its position on his mouth and came two times. Plus, you were right about how he wouldn’t be able to keep his voice down because even with your hand keeping his mouth shut, he was having a hard time not making a noise. 

The following days were not so different. After the Sunday service, you dragged him to the storage room downstairs once again. Ever since you told him that you weren’t wearing any panties under your skirt, he was looking forward this exact moment.  Jumping on the desk, you pulled his body to yours, making him stand between your thighs. You guided his hands under your skirt. His breath hitched in his throat when his fingers grazed your wet lips. 

‘’Still surprised at how wet I can get?’’ You teased as he pushed a finger inside. 

‘’Not that, I just can’t still wrap my mind around how I’m the one that gets you this wet.’’ He confessed before adding a second one. 

‘’You should be proud of yourself baby.’’ You stroked his soft hair gently. ‘’Since you’re the only one who can easily get me this wet.’’ 

Jake whined, getting impatient already. He adored it when you encouraged and praised him. He liked it because somehow you managed to make him feel comfortable enough to be bare in front of you and have sex with you. 

‘’Can I taste you?’’ Jake asked with a sudden confidence. Only God knows how much he wanted to place his pretty lips on your cunt and lick your arousal. He had been dreaming of it ever since you first had sex. His brain was clouded with the idea. In the last few days, whenever he touched himself, he got off with the idea of you sitting on his face. 

‘’Will you be able to hold yourself back and not touch yourself till I cum, handsome?’’ You smirked, lifting up your skirt even more to give the boy a view. He nodded in a desperate way, licking his lips in anticipation. ‘’Go down on your knees then puppy. You know I don’t like to wait.’’ 

Jake did as told, getting on his knees in front of you, both of his hands on your thighs. His eyes were locked on your lower body. Suddenly, he realized he had no idea how to give oral and looked up at you like a lost puppy. A soft chuckle left your lips before tangling your fingers in his hair. 

‘’You wanted to kiss right here before, so why don’t you start off like that puppy?’’ 

Putting his mouth to good use, Jake’s lips made contact with your cunt, placing a gentle kiss on it. He repeated the actions a few times. You wrapped your legs around his shoulders, balancing yourself. Jake decided to move to the next stage and gave small licks, curious about how you would react. After hearing your whimpers, he got more courageous and continued licking your cunt. He lowered his tongue to meet your lips, finally getting to taste your arousal. You tasted sweeter than Jake had expected and because of that, he liked it even more. He wanted to bury his face in your pussy and lick you for hours. Plus, he’d gladly listen to all the sounds you’d make when he’s eating you out. 

‘’Gosh, just like that. Keep going pup.’’ You moaned. Your hold on his hair got tighter as you pushed his face to your core, wanting to feel more of his tongue. 

He continued to lick stripes as you rubbed your clit. Legs shaking slightly from the pleasure, you tugged on his hair harder, making him moan against your core. The vibrations sent shivers to your spine. You wanted to wrap your legs around his neck and hold him between your thighs. 

Jake’s lips moved to your clit, replacing your fingers with his mouth as he gave kitten licks to the bud, making you whimper his name. Jake looked at you through his long eyelashes as his mouth stayed attached to your cunt. You forgot how to breathe properly when you saw him in that position. How could a person look so ethereal while going down on somebody? Somehow Jake Sim managed to do that. 

‘’Feels so good, baby. You’re doing such a great job.’’ You caressed his silky hair as he continued to devour your pussy. 

Jake started off with small licks and for a solid minute he didn’t try anything different but once he did, he got messy. He got so addicted to your taste and the sounds you were making, he didn’t want to leave his place between your thighs. He wanted to tease you and edge you on purpose, just to stay in the same place longer but knowing that you were the one in control, he wouldn’t dare to try such things unless you asked him to do. 

Oh, how good it would feel to make you sit on his face once. It was his new fantasy. He could just lie down beneath you and lick you up for hours. He would get to see you cum over and over again on his tongue. 

‘’I’m close baby.’’ You whimpered as he continued to suck on your clit. He hummed against your skin, making you throw your head back. ‘’Shit, do NOT stop what you’re doing even if i act otherway- Fuck.’’

Your pulsating walls clenched around emptiness as you reached your high. Jake’s mouth stayed attached to your core, even when you tried to push him away or closed your thighs, he didn’t stop his movements. You could swore that you had lost your vision for a second from the powerful orgasm. You didn’t even realize that Jake had pulled away, his chin glistening with saliva and your arousal. It took you a few minutes to regain your composure. Once you did you saw Jake trying to clean up the wet patch on his pants, making you raise a single eyebrow. Hopping off from the desk, you walked next to Jake, tapping him on the shoulder. 

‘’Did you come in your pants, pup?’’ You asked, genuinely curious. 

‘’No! I just- Ugh-’’ He stumbled over his words, trying to hide his pants away from your gaze. 

‘’Baby…’’ You called him softly, wrapping his arms around his waist and hugging the boy from back. ‘’It’s nothing to be embarrassed of…’’

‘’It is! I just can’t control it. I should’ve learned by now but-’’

‘’Hey, don’t say that. Everybody has their own pace right? You’re not going to turn into a sex master in a day. To be honest, it’s kind of hot that you came by solemnly eating me out. Seems like you enjoyed it as much as I did.’’ You kissed his neck before placing your lips on his shoulder. ‘’You are perfect for me, Jake.’’ 

Jake didn’t think he would have it in him to bend you over his bed and fuck you from behind but here you were, on his bed as he fucked you into oblivion. His parents decided to visit a family friend out of the town and of course, he wouldn’t pass this opportunity to fuck you on his bed without stressing about his mom walking in on him fucking his friend from the ‘Bible Study group’. 

‘’Fuck- Just like that pup.’’ You buried your face in Jake’s pillow as his grip on your ass got tightened. 

‘’Yeah, you like it?’’ Jake muttered, his thrusts getting deeper. 

With each passing day, Jake got bolder not only with his movements but his words too. You had no idea when his mouth got so dirty. You had always encouraged him to speak to you during sex but he has never been this straightforward. Maybe the new position lit up something inside of him. Jake had only fucked you in missionary or sideways on the bed so taking you from behind was something fairly new to him. He had always imagined how your ass would look when his dick was inside of you, making you cry in pleasure. 

‘’I fucking love it.’’ You moaned, lifting your hips up so he could move more easily. ‘’Talk to me more puppy. You know I like it when you do.’’

Jake’s brain froze after hearing your words. Just a second ago, he was confident in himself and he knew what to say but when you told that you liked it when he talked to you, everything he had in his mind disappeared.

‘’Does my baby like to hold my ass in his hands while he pounds in me?’’ You managed to form a proper sentence while he kept thrusting into you roughly. ‘’Tell me what you like about it.’’ 

‘’I like y-your cunt more.’’ Jake stammered, sweating dripping from his chin. ‘’So wet for me and always so warm. Only for me.’’ 

‘’Yeah pup, only for you. You own my pussy, baby.’’ You breathe heavily. Your head started to spin from the satisfaction Jake’s dick was giving you. 

‘’Only I can fuck this pussy.’’

‘’It’s yours baby. All yours.’’ 

Jake whimpered at your words. The idea of being the only one who gets to stuff his cock in your tight cunt made him go feral. He was never the possessive type but you lit something inside of him. He wanted to be the only one who fucked you for the rest of his life. 

‘’Tell me what you want to do to me, pup.’’ You encouraged him once again, moving your hips according to his thrusts so you could feel him deeper. 

‘’Want to be in your pussy till the sunrises. I want to keep my dick inside of you as long as I can.’’ He moaned as his thrusts got sloppier. 

‘’Good because I want the same thing puppy.’’ 

‘’I’m gonna cum.’’ He cried, not being able to hold it in any longer. ‘’Can I cum?’’

‘’Such a good boy, asking for permission… Of course puppy, come.’’ 

Jake came in the condom with sobs, holding your hips against his, leaving no space in between. Wrapping his arms around your waist right after, he leaned against your body until there was no space left between the two of you. When he calms down from his eye, he rolls over next to you, taking off the condom and throwing it on the floor to clean up later. He was just about to take a quick nap before he came to a realization, making him sit up straight. 

‘’You didn’t come.’’ 

‘’It’s okay-’’

‘’No, it’s not. Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.’’ He looked at you with his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, his gaze making it impossible to reject his offer.

‘’Just kiss me.’’ 

As confused as Jake was, he didn’t hesitate to cup both of your cheeks in the palm of his hands and brought you in for a gentle kiss. You quickly hold onto his waist, your hands caressing his back as you depended the kiss. Putting one of your hands on his, you guided his hand between your legs where your clit had been begging for some kind of friction. Getting the hint, Jake rubbed your sensitive nub or nerves with his thumb, making you whimper into the kiss. 

‘’Need your fingers baby, give them to me.’’ You moaned against his lips. 

Of course, Jake wouldn’t make you tell him twice. Without moving his thumb, his slipped two fingers inside you easily. Jake learned how to finger you like a pro just within just a few days. After all, he had a teacher that he could count on.  

Jake loved how intimate the position the two of you were in. He had never thought about love, specifically loving you, before this exact moment. His heart softened at your quiet mewls. His mind went crazy whenever you moaned his name. The way your eyes rolled back in pleasure when he curled his fingers made him want to take polaroid pictures of you to keep in his wallet. 

‘’You’re spoiling me, Jakey. You make me feel so fucking good.’’ You whispered, your lips brushing his plump ones. 

Out of all nicknames you called him, ‘Jakey’ was his favorite. He liked the others one too, but he wished you would call him with his real name when the two of you were alone sometimes. 

‘’Call me by my name, please.’’ 

‘’Yeah? You want that?’’ You smirked, your nose touching his. You rocked your hips to the the movement of his fingers. ‘’Jake…’’ 

‘’Say it again, please.’’

‘’Such a polite, good boy, always asking nicely. Good boys get what they want, don’t they, Jake?’’ You moaned when he went knuckles deep in your pussy. His thumb kept moving circles on your clit. ‘’You want me to call you by your name and I will.’’

‘’Do you like how I’m making you feel?’’ Jake asked, pumping his fingers in and out. ‘’Tell me you like my fingers.’’

‘’Hmm, I love your long slender fingers. I love them even more when they’re inside of me, Jake.’’ You murmured, your lips chasing his. ‘’Can you hear how wet I am?’’ 

‘’I c-can.’’ He stammered, putting more pressure on your clit.

‘’Fuck- I’m close, keep what you’re doing Jakey.’’ You moaned, holding his body close to yours. ‘’Gonna cum on your pretty finger, baby.’’ 

‘’Please do, fuck-’’ Jake felt your walls clenching around his digits, making him gulp. 

‘’Jake- Oh god-’’ You rested your forehead against his as you reached your high. You let out a chocked sob, holding onto his body. ‘’Jake, Jake, Jake…’’ You moaned as he helped riding out your orgasm, continuing to move his fingers inside at a steady rythm. 

Jake pulled his fingers out before wrapping his arms around your body once again, hiding his face in the crook of your neck as he peppered butterfly kisses on your neck and shoulder. You stood in that exact position for a good 5 minutes, not moving an inch, just enjoying each other’s presence. 

‘’So you’re really leaving tomorrow?’’ Jake broke the silence. He was never the one to like the quietness. 

‘’Hmm, I guess.’’ You murmured against his chest, getting comfortable on him. 

‘’What about us?’’ Jake asked, making you sit up straight and look at him in the eyes.

‘’Us?’’ You questioned. ‘’There is no us, Jake.’’ You got up from his bed to put on some clothes, him following you. 

‘’What do you mean ‘there’s no us’?’’ Jake’s voice got louder as he continued speaking. ‘’This really means nothing to you?’’

‘’It’s not-’’

‘’It’s not what? Don’t lie to me Y/N. You know what happened between us-’’

‘’Now don’t tell me that you caught feelings for me-’’

‘’What if I did? What if I like you? What if I want to be with you?’’ Jake followed you around like a lost puppy when you decided to get out of his room. 

When you went downstairs, you turned to face him with a frown on your face. ‘’Your heart is lying to your face, Jake. You don’t have feelings for me. You have feelings for the idea of me. I’m the first who kissed you properly, the person who you lost your virginity to, the first person to teach you the basics of sex, the first person that you became intimate with. That is the reason why you think you have feelings for me.’’

‘’That’s not true. Y/N, please-’’

‘’We did nothing but have sex behind closed doors, Jake. We never went out like people our ages do. You’ve never asked me on a proper date. You just wanted me to fuck you. If you really did have feelings for me, you’d think of me as a lover rather than somebody to fuck. So no, you don’t have feelings for me Jake Sim.’’ 

Jake froze on spot, not knowing what to say. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. You realized he didn’t have anything to say so you continued.

‘’I will wait for you till summer because I actually have feelings for you and it’s not because I fucked you a few times. I genuinely like you Jake and I don’t want to get heartbroken when you change your mind about me a few days later. If you still have feelings for me when summer comes, you know where to find me. Until then, goodbye.’’ You said before placing a quick kiss on his lips and getting out of his house and maybe out of his life too.

The summer sun felt different on Jake’s skin as he stood in front of the church. He originally didn’t plan on coming back to his hometown as soon as he finished the semester but something inside him kept telling him to visit. He held onto the hope of seeing you again. He didn’t have much expectation though, since he knew you had other plans for the summer; he found it out through one of many conversations you had with him after you fucked his brains out. 

He waited ten more minutes in front of the church before going inside and taking a seat right behind his parents. Shaking his head and trying to get rid of the idea of you, he looked up and scanned the people in the church. He looked through everyone and still there was no sight of you. 

Another day gone by without you showing up, he thought. 

He had been doing the exact same thing for two weeks now. He went to church every day to see if you’d make a visit. He took the same road you usually took. Sometimes he walked past your house, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. But it seemed like you were nowhere to be seen. 

Until he spotted a familiar figure entering the church. You haven’t changed a little bit, maybe your hair was just a little bit longer. You were wearing the exact same dress you wore on the first day Jake saw you. You were still an angel to him, no matter how many times he watched you sin, nobody could ever change his mind. Jake felt his heart thump faster, he felt like he was about to explode. 

When your eyes met his, he was welcomed with the infamous smile of yours, the prettiest one Jake had ever seen. Standing at the very back where nobody was giving you attention, you lifted your skirt slightly, showing Jake what he had been missing out on so far. 

Of course, no panties. 

Jake smirked at himself, knowing very well that the two of you would end up in the storage room downstairs at the end of the way, just like that one warm spring evening months ago but this time, he would be making love to you. 

stay tuned for the follow up ‘bad boys bring heaven to you’

[psychiatricwarfare]

PLEASE tag unreality posts properly

ok so ive noticed that some of yall really have no idea what unreality means and i can tell because i have the tag blacklisted so i dont get needlessly triggered while scrolling through tumblr dot com and as long as im told its not real its usually fine so ill click on the button to view it and itll be like... a picture of someones childhood home.. that... that is Not unreality. even if it is YOUR childhood home and it makes YOU disassociate. that is Not unreality and you're needlessly making Other delusional/psychotic/disassociative people's minds run wild as it tries to guess What in this picture isnt real & can spiral into convincing ourselves that nothing is real

on the other hand, sometimes ill be hit with a post with No Warning that says some shit like "THEY are coming for you. Hide." and like do i need to explain how this is harmful??

im not saying you cant shitpost or weirdpost or creepypost or whatever but pls tag properly (learn how under the cut)

if you dont know what should be tagged as unreality, its anything that isnt actually real/true, i would say that most importantly, unreality should be tagged on posts that could trigger delusions in people. think back to the me or ps5 song, the guy who originally duetted her has come forward asking people to please tag it as unreality due to the lines "its me boy im the ps5 speaking to you from inside your brain" and "listen to me, boy, your free will is an illusion" triggering people into experiencing delusions. in general, if the goal of your post is to harmlessly scare someone at 2am by making up a spooky scenario or evil creature or whatever, it needs an unreality tag

"you have been chosen" type posts are a form of unreality as well and can trigger delusions of grandeur, religious delusions, etc.

eerie and unsettling posts (i particularly see this with photographs) with no words and/or anything fake added are NOT unreality, it is only unreality if there are UNreal elements or if the entire thing is made up

common tags that unreality is found in are things like weirdcore, dreamcore, liminalcore (<- this one is usually mistagged unsettling photographs of real places), chaos posting, etc.

if you have any more questions i highly recommend interacting with (& befriending) more people who experience dissociation/psychosis/schizophrenia/delusions/paranoia/etc so you can get a better understanding of what people like us experience

[romanarose]

Gift Giving with the Triple Frontier Boys

Triple Frontier Master List All fanfic masterlist

Thoughts on the TF boys expressing their love for you through gift giving, and you returning it.

Acts of Service Word of Affirmation Quality Time Physical Touch

Warnings: Mentions of smut, pregnancy, nightmares involving death, drinking problem, addiction/rehab, past child abuse (sorry Millers lolololol), Not very smutty this time, lo siento.

************

Santiago Garcia

After Santi and Fish went back for the money in the canyon, they split it with the Millers, but that still eft each with a hefty sum. Anyone who grew up poor like Santi knows its easier to make money when you have money, and after a few smart monetary choices, Santi found himself in a good financial position. He still considered what he has somewhat blood money, although you frequently remind him that it was Tom that fucked it all up, so Santi makes sure to donate to charities close to his heart. However, Santiago adores you, and he'd me amiss if he didn't use that money to spoil you. Maybe it's dresses, maybe it's leather pants that show off your ass, maybe it's you're clothing taste is more simple but he indulges you in t-shirts from Star Wars, Doctor Who, and what's the stupid Marvel show? Moon Night? Whatever, he'll get you the goddamn Moon Night back back. If you like make up, fancy head coverings or wigs, he's got you, anything to make his girl feel special. You go to a concert, merch tent is yours. You don't even bring it up half the time, he'll catch you staring at a dress at the mall or 'recently viewed' will pop up on amazon and he'll just get it, as a treat. And if you have a fancy event, a quince, you're nieces first communion, or an Afghan wedding with multiple clothing changes, you bet you'll have the best. Oh, and you BET your wedding dress or suit will be the one you want, and you're ring? On point.

*

You and Santi took things slow. Maybe it's for religious reasons, maybe it's because you have had bad experiences in the past, or maybe you just wanted too, but you hadn't had sex yet. You'd slept over, keeping things modest but intimate, him holding you close and yeah, you maybe had to ignore a boner or two. He couldn't help it, it was biology, but he was nothing but respectful. However, when the time came you found you were ready.... you had a plan. It was his birthday, and after a very loud, very fun event with all his family and his friends ending with Will half-dragging his brother out because Benny kept saying goodbye for 40 minutes, you found yourselves alone.

"I've got a surprise for you" You gently push Santi back, lifting up your dress to reveal a lingerie set that made you look good and feel comfortable.

The dumbfounded look on his face and immediate bulge in his pants made it all the more impressive that he gulped, and stuttered out an "are you sure? you're absolutely sure?" before diving in on you. It wasn't the only gift you had gotten him, of course, but your body might be his favorite.

Benny Miller

It had been a bad day, but when you called Benny on your break and asked how he was, it was clear Benny was having a rough day at the gym. Benny vented to you, you listened, offered advice where he wanted it and allowed him to complain about the little things that nothing could be done about where he needed. By the time your hour was up, your food was ate and both of you felt better. Even just talking to your husband brightened your day, even if you didn't tell him that you were frustrated. However, work continued to suck ass. When you get home, however, you start on diner because you know Benny had a tough day and food made him happy. When he came home, however, he had a few things. In one had was his keys, water bottle and barely gasping a case of beer (jesus christ his hands are large) and in the other, a Hostess fruit pie from the gas station that he handed to you. "What's this for?" You ask, surprised by the treat. Benny shrugged. "I saw it and thought of you. You said you used to eat them a lot as a kid?" You did... you said that... about 3 years ago you made an offhand comment, and he remembered. Benny was nearly tackled by the hug, and you could not imagine having a better partner in this life.

*

Benny was a silly lil guy. Not to say he couldn't be serious. He was there for Frankie through his addiction, but Benny's best support was offered through his shinning personality, like visiting Frankie in rehab and making him laugh. Likewise, he was there to listen and genuinely help you with problems, he was fiercely defensive of you, and was serious when needed, but what you loved about him was how much you genuinely had fun together. None of this is to say Benny doesn't have his struggles. You told him he needed to get him drinking under control before you would date him, (although you supported him with that even through the 'friends for now' stage), and Benny clearly had PTSD from serving and from his childhood that he tended to bury under her sunny exterior. You notice him slipping, his nightmares getting worse; nightmares of his dad killing Will, someone hurting you or Santi or Fish, Tom dying... you figured you needed to make him laugh. So, you sit him down and gift with him with a pair of boxers that say "this ass belongs to-" with your name on it. Benny's face splits into a wide, genuine grin. He laughs so damn hard and hugs you so damn tight you feel a little bit better. You tell him you got him a gift because you've noticed he's been struggling lately, and open up a conversation about what's been going on... and maybe, if he's up for it, talking to a doctor at the VA about getting on some anti-nightmare medication.

Frankie Morales

When Frankie came into your life, you knew before you ever dated that he had a daughter, and none of that phased you. She was a good kid, and you had gotten along well with her. Frankie was slow to introduce you, of course, not wanting women in and out of her life, but as you and Frankie grew closer you met her, and were thrilled to be spending more time with her as Frankie thought was appropriate. It was still early in your relationship when you came over to his house only to find Fransico Julio Morales Andala with a tiara on his head, covered in glitter, sitting at a kid sized table with craft goods stone across it... girl dad life. You smiled fondly at him, and chuckled as him and Adrianna yelled at you to wait in the living room until they were done. So, you sat on your phone listening to the father-daughter pair whisper and giggle and argue before they bring their finished product. A Valentines day card, ugly as all hell... but so clearly both of them. Franki drew a helicopter, Adrianna drew a castle, Frankie drew you and him holding hands, Adrina drew a dead "bad guy"... you weren't sure what that head to do with Valentines Day but oh well. And together, they had glued on dried flowers, lace, Star Wars stickers, and a fuck ton of glitter for you. It was entirely too much, would glitter-ize you and your apartment for weeks... but god dammit you were crying and now you had to frame it.

*

You were nervous, as far as fathers days go... Frankie wanted this, he said he did, but less than 2 months of marriage seemed... soon? You did the math, and he knocked you up your wedding night. Still, you wanted to give Adrianna a sibling... Frankie had spent the day with her, but you really wanted to talk to him alone, and you really thought today was fitting... so Santi took her for diner. He was a father figure to her, after all. It took a while, but halfway through diner was when Frankie asked, worried, 'Something wrong, hermosa?' You couldn't wait any longer, and told him you were pregnant with his child. You watched as the shock filled him, tears misting his eyes before he came over to your side of the table and pulled you to your feet. Frankie picked you up, making you squeal and both of you giggled as he spun you around before setting you down on the floor.

"Best father's day gift ever"

Will Miller

It was a military ball, and although you tried to keep it lowkey... you were thrilled. You hardly got a chance to dress up, and when was the last time you wore a dress this fancy? Will knocked on the door before entering when you called him in, a move you thought was a bit silly considering you were married and it was his savings that bought the house, but Will thought you should be allowed your privacy either way. You turn from where you sit in the vanity mirror, finding Will blue eyes and soft smile trained on you. 'You look beautiful, princess. I'll never get tired of telling you, every damn day.' He kissed the top of your hair, very careful not to mess up your up-do and walked over to his drawer. He began a preamble that you didn't have to wear it if you had other jewelry plans, but you but him off. Whatever he gave, you'd proudly wear. Will walked back behind you, and you are struck once again by how such a large man can manage not to look the slightest bit intimating. not you at least. But maybe that's because you know him, and despite whatever he had done on the military, he was the gentlest soul you had ever met in your life. He pulled out a neckless, stunningly sparkly and bright, with your favorite jewel and fucking hell it must've been expensive. He clasped it behind you, sealing the act with a kiss on your neck, a hint of what no doubt will happen later tonight... And you will, in fact, be showing this neckless of all night, just as Will is going to show off you.

*

"Honey, I'm home!" You call as you step in and Will beckons you to the guest room where he is fixing the closet door. Will turns around to greet you, setting the tools down so he could take you in for a kiss, something you two promised to try and do every day, when he saw what you were holding, flowers. Confused, he kisses your cheek. "Are we visiting your grandma today, honey?" He asked, and when you said no, he had a few more possible reasons for the flowers, even so far as to ask if this was your way of reminding him he forgot an important date. You laugh, as if he would ever. You finally tell him, "They're for you, silly." The man was too stunned too speak. "For me? Why?". You explain you don't need a reason, that he's your special man and he deserves it. You explain how you were driving home and saw a pop up flower stand, and realized that your kind, thoughtful, gentle, hardworking husband had probably never gotten a bouquet in his 30 something years of living. And what a shame that was! He deserved flowers. Pretty ones, too. Despite the strength he held, and the way his arms wrapped tight around you, he knew his strength and did not squeeze to hard... but it was a firm hug, and as he buried his face in your neck, you swore it was a little wet as he whispered "thank you, beautiful." Even in his childhood, no one had treated him with such soft kindness as you did, and he'd do everything in his power to not let you go.

*************************

SORRY THE LAST ONE TOOK FOREVER i was uninspired but the oscar isaac discord im in helped me get on my feet.

If you liked this one make sure to check out the other 4 love languages!

@whatthefishh @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @kittyofalltrades @luciannadraven33 @littlenosoul @jake-g-lockley @milkymoon2483 @howaboutcastiel @miraclesabound @bitchyglitterfox @missdictatorme

and bc

[yanfeisty]

Can i request again? sagau reader with a little sibling or sagau reader that is a mother of twins can you pls make them interact with the travelers since the travelers are the reader's first vessel ok bye.

Genshin imagine | God's little twins

━━━ ՙ  𓄼 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : Genshin x Creator!Reader

━━━ ՙ  𓄼 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 : Reader get Isekaid with their siblings/kids.

━━━ ՙ  𓄼 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : Religious theme.

━━━ ՙ  𓄼 𝐀/𝐍 : You can always request again! I didn't specify if they were reader's siblings or kids so you can choose. I hope you don't mind that I put others characters too, I really felt inspired on this one.

Masterlist

. The twins are in heaven, or more like the best playground they ever had, they can go pet and even adopt slimes or rishboland tigers, and create an army with them. They have their own teapots and can do whatever they want in it. They are treated like Queens and Kings, people offers them toys and candies they never ate before, because after all they share the same blood as the Creator, and people think that if they gain the children's affection, they would get yours as well. You're quite busy in Teyvat, but luckily you have many candidates for babysitting.

. The Traveler looks at them with a heavy heart, it may be cheesy but it reminds her/him of her/his twin when they were both younger. She/He really hopes, those kids wouldn't get separated, it's a horrible feeling to experience, but she/he is sure with someone like you, they will always be happy and safe. She/he shares a lot of stories about others worlds she/he visited to them, and if they want they can come with her/him and Paimon on adventures, of course, the less dangerous ones. Even if Paimon disagrees with it because they're trying to cook her and she is scared be alone now.

. Characters who are so sweet around children, Thoma, Itto and Childe would love to play with them, especially since they are part of your family, if you're busy you can count on those boys to look after them and have a great time. If they're brats, lucky for them because Childe is way worse, and tease the absolute heck out of them because they're small and not as strong as him while still acting sweet, totally spoil them, and will take them to Mr. Cyclope. While Itto might pout at them because they can't stop trying to touch his horns and mock him when he looses, but he is so fun to play with, that the kids want to be around him all the time. And for Thoma, he doesn't mind cleaning the mess they make but he turns desperate of the kids bulling him constantly, but don't worry, he will find a solution to make them like him, he might need the help of Taroumaru though.

. Zhongli will be honored to take care of them, but the kids will get bored with his neverending stories, even if it's about a topic they like, however, he is the greatest for putting them to sleep. He'll hide his disappointment about the twins not being interested in their relative's impact on how he shaped Liyue and its economy, truly a pity. However, they can listen to Venti all day, he has the funniest stories and let them play with his lyre, he really is the best babysitter as he takes fun playing with the children. He also always has a bottle with him which they were curious about it, and he told them it's "the delicate liquid fluttering the butterflies in my chest, making me obsessed with its sweet taste." before passing out, they wanted to drink it but you stopped them before they did and scolded Venti later.

. Also, don't let them with Klee if you want to keep Teyvat safe, Jean can't survive the 3 alone, even Kaeya wouldn't try to let them go. They like playing with Qiqi but last time they played hide and seek together, the twins stayed half of the night alone while everyone was panicking and searching for them.

[ithaquakisser]

Salvatore

Synopsis; You and Ithaqua have come to an agreement. In turn, you are to be the cure to his everlasting solitude.

CW; Explicit themes, obsession, unhealthy relationship, degradation, vague religious imagery

MINORS DNI. (18+)

WC; ≈2.4K

Note; I've been meaning to experiment with a completely different take on Ithaqua, so I decided to mess around with my take on Morningstar. I have not written NSFW in eons, so spare me! Most of this was written at like... 3AM with no proper proofreading whatsoever. So, in another words—not my proudest work yet! This piece also doesn't quite have a plot either, I just wrote whatever came to mind. Enjoy! 🙈 (I'm so embarrassed.)

You were the sun, his sun. The sun who orbits around the Earth, breathing life into those around you. You brought about warmth with your light. If he could, he would bask in your presence from dusk till dawn. You had never seen the moon, or its stars, nor the night. Yet you heard its voice once or twice through the roaring winds.

He yearned to preserve your light. Claim it as his own. How he longed to maintain it for his own wants. Your beaming smile, your eyes that glistened like the stars, your soft h/c locks that waltzed with the wind. Without you, the moon could not shine without your light. Without you, could he ever beam again?

Faint rays of moonlight illuminated the dim candlelit room. You rested upon a king-sized bed, the cool breeze brushing against your naked body. Your hands lie above your head, cold slender hands interlaced with yours. He traced constellations onto your bare skin. His hips straddled on top of yours, his cloak discarded onto the marble floor. Ithaqua drew the stars upon your waist, soft lips brushing against your neck. He was desperate, his actions expressed his longing for your touch.

Words were unspoken between the two of you, a contract unknown. Shall you be spared under all circumstances, and in turn, you become the cure to his eternal solitude. Godlike he was, each touch was a blessing. You were a mere sinner under his presence, and here you lie before him, confessing your sins. Letting all your secrets spill from each breath you take, he is who shall listen. He is who shall cleanse you of your sins. He who is your salvatore.

His warm tongue ran along your neck, sending shivers down your spine. He grazed his teeth upon your soft skin, his hot breath was enough to make you melt under his touch. “Relax, dear.” Ithaqua cooed, trailing his hand down to your pelvis. You couldn’t help but buck your hips up in anticipation, letting out a sharp exhale. “Needy are you, love?”

He pulled away from your neck and pressed his lips against yours, emitting a low moan as a hand began to rub your thigh gently. He mercilessly bit your lip, causing you to yelp in surprise. The hunter smiled into the kiss as he forced his way through your mouth. He softly stroked your plush thighs, occasionally squeezing them. His tongue explored your wet cavern whilst you held onto his hand, his free hand outlining the stars on your inner thigh. You whined, your hips squirming beneath him in desperation.

The young male pulled away, a thin trail of saliva connecting the two of you. “Is there something wrong, love?” Ithaqua whispered. “Don’t you tease me any longer…” You protested, Ithaqua couldn’t help but let out a chuckle in response. “Patience, Y/N.” He sighed and placed a hand on your bare chest, pressing you down against the mattress. His golden necklace dangling from his chest, hovering over you as his eyes fixed on yours.

“You think I’d willingly satisfy you without earning it? Don’t make me laugh, love.” Ithaqua rebuked. “How’s this? Please me first. If you do a good job, I’ll fuck you to your heart’s content. Sounds good?” He spoke, his lips curling into a smirk. You nodded your head eagerly. With a complacent expression, the two of you proceeded to switch positions. He laid back onto the array of pillows by the bedframe, his legs spread wide open. “Well? What’re you waiting for? You know what to do.”

“Talk about patience…” You muttered under your breath. “What’s that, darling?” Instigated the hunter as he leisurely removed his mask, his ebony-colored eyes meeting yours. “Nothing, dear…” You uttered as you lowered your gaze from his. With a scowl, he grabbed hold of your face, forcing you to look at him. “Don’t you forget who is in control here. I can delightfully revoke my conditions anytime. I wouldn’t be opposed to watching you squirm in desperation in hopes I’d touch you while I pleasure myself. Now, obey my orders won’t you?”

You swallowed before speaking breathily. “Yes, sir…” With a satisfied smile, he let you go. Without another word; you loosened his garters and unbuttoned his pants. He emitted a sigh of relief once his cock was freed from the confines of his pants, twitching upon release as droplets of precum dripped down the shaft. You spat onto your palm before taking him into your hands, beginning to pump him up and down.

The hunter threw his head back with a breathy moan as you stroked his dick, occasionally rubbing your thumb against his tip and causing him to twitch in response. You picked up the pace over time, observing his facial expressions as his chest heaved. You observed how desperately he attempted to restrain his moans behind the heavy breaths taken. His eyes were half-lidded as he huffed, his lips slightly parted as his face was tinted with a scarlet hue.

Ithaqua has never felt this way before. Such pleasure, such desire, a fire ignited within him the moment you laid your hands on him. He gazed upon your naked body as you eagerly stroked his cock with such a lustful expression on your face. You observed how his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, how his hands clasped the bedsheets and the way his thighs threatened to clamp shut on you as they trembled under your touch. You brought your lips close and ran your tongue alongside his shaft, causing him to shudder in response.

Ithaqua took hold of your h/c locks into his trembling hands as you took him into your warm mouth. You swirled your tongue upon his tip, tasting the bitterness in his precum as he twitched inside your mouth. You were relatively slow with your pace, causing the hunter to buck his hips up out of impatience. Caught off-guard, you gagged for a brief moment. “Don’t be a tease,” Ithaqua spoke, tightening his grip on your hair.

He began to thrust into your mouth slowly as he held onto you. You were taken aback by his sudden movements, groaning onto his cock as he screwed your mouth. You gripped his thighs, lightly squeezing them as tears formed at the corners of your eyes. “Hah… You’re taking me so well, dear…” Ithaqua cooed. His light eyes fixed on your every expression as he thrusts into you, his dick brutally assaulting the back of your throat.

“I’m close…” He whispered between breaths, his thrusts becoming sloppier by the second. Within moments, he reached his high and released his hot seed into your mouth. He threw his head back with a rather loud moan, his eyes practically rolling to the back of his skull as you proceeded to pull away. Cum dripping from the corners of your mouth, the young man raised his head and tenderly wiped the droplets dripping down your chin with the pad of his thumb.

“Swallow all of it,” Ithaqua demanded, pressing his thumb against your lower lip. Reluctantly, you swallowed the bitter liquid and licked away the excess from his thumb. “You did so well for me, love…” He purred as he gently wiped away the tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

Half-lidded almond eyes met yours, his lips curling into a cheeky grin as he palmed your chest. With a quick and sudden push, he pinned you down against the cushioned mattress like a predator catching its prey. You had let out a squeak upon impact whilst he hovered over you, a slender finger placed over your lips as he hushed you. You swallowed anxiously, a hand running down your bare waist as he carefully observed your expressions.

Oh, how he adored your expressions. The lovely face you’d make whenever he’d caress your bare skin. He adored your smile, and how the corners of your eyes wrinkled out of pure joy. He especially admired the look on your face when you’d beg on your knees for mercy as he readied his axe to strike. The way your e/c eyes widened in apprehension never ceased to send shivers down his spine and make him weak in the knees.

Loose strands of his silver hair tickled your ruby-tinted cheeks as he planted his lips against yours, prodding his tongue past your lips into your mouth. You elicited a moan as his tongue danced with yours, his icy hands trailing down your body. They traced miscellaneous symbols as he ravaged your mouth. His fingertips stopped at your sex, lightly brushing against it and causing you to shudder.

He pulled away from the kiss, his light-colored eyes meeting yours. “May I?” “Yes… Please.” Without another word, he inserted his fingers delicately into your heat. He was rather careful with his touch, being mindful of his sharp nails as he slowly rubbed your sensitive spot. You had let out a breathy moan, watching as he moved his fingers in and out of you with such precision.

Ithaqua was quite deft with his fingers, moving them at a steady pace whilst stroking your soft spot. You observed him, unnoticeably moving your hips as he stroked. “My, eager, aren’t you?” Ithaqua remarked. “Don’t be such a tease…” He could only chuckle in response, his eyes fixed on your sex as he pumped his fingers into your core.

Your breathing became labored as he continued to assault your sweet spot, uttering words of praise in between moans. You breathily spoke his name like an incantation, your hands clutching the bed sheets in ecstasy. “Look at you… You’re such a mess already…” He teased, witnessing your face flush a shade of crimson.

With a smirk, he curled his fingers and ruthlessly began to pump them inside of you at a brisk pace. You tensed around his fingers, becoming a moaning mess beneath him. Huffing and puffing upon his touch, you called out his name like a broken record. You gazed upon him with tears forming at the corners of your eyes. “Ithaqua… I’m…”

“Hold it,” Ithaqua demanded. “You can do that, can you not?” “Ithaqua… I… Please…” “Please what?” “Please… Let me come…” You pleaded, his eyes fixed on yours as he continued to strike at your sensitive spot. “Please, Ithaqua… just let me…” You bucked your hips forward, a complete mess you were.

You harshly bit down on your lower lip as your back arched slightly. The hunter purposely slowed his pace, occasionally coming to a halt with a sadistic grin on his face. You had let out a groan of desperation, hot tears streaming down your flushed face. With his opposite hand, he shoved his thumb into your mouth, his thumb lightly brushing against your warm tongue as you panted. You looked at him with half-lidded eyes as your chest began to heave, moaning into his hand as he ravaged your insides.

The young man had a grin on his face as you began to tremble beneath him, your walls tensing around his fingers. “Mmh…” You whimpered, as you began to feel a tight coil building up in your stomach. Your thighs trembling as you closed your eyes as you thrust your hips into his fingers, arching your back as the coil grew tighter with each passing moment. Ithaqua leaned forward, his hot breath against your ear as he whispered. “You’re doing so well… Just a bit longer, dear.”

You whined, your breathing became labored as you neared your high. You felt the coil threaten to burst with each stroke, your toes curling as droplets of tears rolled down your scarlet cheeks. You dug your nails into the mattress as you mewled. You let out a muffled gasp as you tensed once more, an overwhelming wave of pleasure washing over you as you arched your back. You could’ve sworn you had seen the stars as you moaned uncontrollably into his hand which muffled your sounds, your hot liquid spilling onto his fingers.

Hot tears spilled down your scarlet-tinted cheeks as you exhaled, your body quivering beneath him. With a sigh, he pulled his hands away from you. Examining your warm essence on his fingers as he spoke. “How disappointing… You did not last even a minute.” Running his tongue over his slender fingers, tasting the past minutes of your involvement. “Open.”

You opened your mouth agape, the young man leaning in and shoving his tongue past your lips. He explored your mouth once more, the bittersweet taste of your essence against your tongue. You closed your eyes, placing a hand on his warm cheek whilst his tongue ventured alongside yours. His hands were all over your bare skin, palming in circular motions. He invaded your mouth until he was done with you, saliva connecting both your moist lips.

“You taste terrible…” Ithaqua spoke, venom laced within his words. He knew he was speaking falsehoods, yet he could not bring himself to speak with sincerity. You could only mutter a pitiful apology under your breath as tears poured from your e/c eyes, he had a piercing gaze that made your heart skip a beat. “Spare the crocodile tears, love. We have no need for them. After all, you’ve got what you wanted. Did you not?”

The hunter rose from the bed, readjusting himself into his clothes. He retrieved his cloak from the marble floor, a miffed expression on his pale face. “Yes, but I…” “What is it?” You sighed, lowering your gaze. You couldn’t dare speak another word. The young man fetched your clothes which were scattered along the bedroom floor, tossing them by your side. “Get dressed. There’s a match at dusk. I cannot risk being reprimanded once again by the baron.”

“You’ll… stick to your word, correct?” You inquired, raising the bedsheets to your chest to sheathe your naked body. “Why would I not?” Said the hunter as he picked up his mask. Seemingly fixated on the broken mirror in front of him, he had a noticeable scowl on his face upon seeing his reflection. “A deal’s a deal, is it not? Don’t you fret, I’ll spare you and your friends the trouble. However…” Ithaqua turned on his heels to face you as he placed on his mask. “Do not expect me to be merciful this time around, understood?”

…

"Understood.”

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/16/2024

did not commit fratricide this week but it got a little close there

listening

spotify tried to rec me some electro remix of this Eartha Kitt song i did NOT care for but i did enjoy the original Mink Schmink (YouTube). very similar to last year’s favorite Peel Me A Grape by Anita O’Day. this is a particular kind of oldies #girlboss song that i am super weak to

i also have an entire album to rec! spotify recced me a movie soundtrack by this artist and i went to check out their latest work. a very pleasant outer space themed saxophone-forward experience to enjoy while trying out a very slow video game! the opening track Chaldene will let you know pretty fast if you’ll like the whole album. bouncy, in the ways that saxophones are. very cowboy bebop soundtrack adjacent? i have a data entry playlist with many instrumental albums of long pieces for when i need really consistent vibes or vibes that change very slowly and this is going to be such a good addition

reading

feeling a little bit grim about the state of the world and long-tail reporting/continuity of knowledge, partially bc some friends got fired from the games industry and are throwing in the towel (do not blame them at ALL, also now this means i don't know anyone in the industry with more than three years of experience under their belt) and partially feeling a little bit grim bc i read an article FOREVER ago from the old motherboard team at VICE about how locations were being harvested from various religious and health apps, and FINALLY that data broker is starting to see some real consequences. the ONLY reason this reporter is still following this story/is still a reporter is bc after VICE summarily fired like half the site last year, he went off and started his own site.

grim! grim article, grim context, grim all around.

watching

i would love for my best friend's son to become obsessed with a different movie than pixar's elemental. but if this is the price of having an only semi-interrupted conversation with his mom then so be it.

playing

“sail forth” by developer Quantum Astrophysicists Guild and published by Festive Vector (pair of really killer names there) is the free epic game this week. i spent a reasonably okay hour with it but do not plan to continue further. the opening area has some problems that do not interest me in whatever this game does in the next area. tldr: the actual sailing part is fun, which is good bc it's a sailing game, but there isn't enough to Do in this adventure/exploration game and it's all really far apart.

it has a particular sensibility married with its art style that makes me say “cozy game” (derogatory). your main character is named captain toot. everyone has funky sentence structure liberally sprinkled with nautical terms that come off vaguely nonsensical instead of piratical. there are a lot of almost-kennings like “deepblue” “moontiders” “fishfolk”. things of this nature. while i do love a kenning i don’t have a lot of patience for this. which is unfortunate bc this game tested my patience in several ways.

the actual Sailing part is the best part of the game. there's some very fun weather-- i have seen light and heavy fog, light and heavy rain, and a full on thunderstorm. the fact that sailing is the best part of the game would be good except everything is VERY far apart, and while the call of a blank horizon is super important in an oceangoing game (i think) when it becomes more fun to just fast travel everywhere instead of sailing the long way, i think that’s where you have to refine some things in your game. this is less of an open world and more little pockets of things in between a truly ridiculous amount of empty space. i cannot imagine this runs in an acceptable manner on switch.

the good parts of sailing are the thoughtful controls: the compass, the wind on the compass, and the little sail trim bar. you should also keep an eye on wave direction bc that will really impact your top speed. you CAN tack back and forth directly into the wind but this game will make you fucking work for it, which i do like. i also liked sailing with the camera zoomed all the way in, it felt very fast and dangerous on the very long wait to get to the next island. and then it was no longer fun on the very long sail to get to the next island. i am almost confident these islands are procgen, it’s possible i got a weirdly big seed but i don’t care enough to fire up a new save.

the general pace of the game/this first area feels a little underbaked or weirdly optimized. i got enough wood in the first hour to upgrade to the best available one-mast sloop, i fought a pirate which required a lot of precision seamanship with my one lonely bow gun, i did a race, i declined a target practice course, i poked my head into eight different map locations. despite this variety, it all felt very samey. generally the map locations have one or two things to do plus one resource (the precision seamanship required to collect resources is fun for the first two islands but then stops being interesting) or one collectible. no one island is particularly memorable. i really loved Sunless Sea, a game that also features a large map and very slow travel, but there’s a WAY more resource management and random events, and shit is simply closer together in that game.

if i was looking for a very slow podcast game and was 20% cutesier as a person this would be ideal, but for who i am right now? not for me.

making

my siblings visited! we did not kill each other, nobody had food poisoning, and nobody died! that's all i can really ask for. here's me and my sister looking at a big quilt at the 1940 Air Terminal Museum

phil went to the emergency vet sunday afternoon bc her spay site was looking Gnarly. she either has an infection or a reaction to her sutures but the treatment is the same either way. the emergency vet said we could probably skip our normal vet visit on friday but, given that we discover a new problem every time we go to the vet, we will be keeping that appointment. all recent pics of her are smushed up on my lap at a goofy angle. have a pic of mackaroni and beans

[yanderes-galore]

How would a self aware!Walrider Miles Upsur feel about a player!darling? Would a concept be possible? Thank you!

Oh sure! I was actually replaying the original Outlast for this fic :D Forgot how much I love it!

Yandere! Self-Aware! Walrider! Miles Upshur with Player! Darling

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Self-aware AU, Violence, Blood mention, Stalking, Invasion of privacy, Slight intimate implications, Miles gets religious, Pining/Yearning.

I have a feeling Miles only had an acute sense of being self-aware before he became host to the Walrider.

He had a feeling someone or something was guiding him through the horrors of the asylum.

Yet he had no idea what.

In this AU I'd like to consider the Walrider a connection between Miles world and your world in a way.

Just for this AU the entity has this power.

This could show some explanation for why it's so worshipped in the asylum.

Miles just thought it was the fanatic worship of experimented on patients.

He isn't the most religious person, so he doesn't think much on it.

Miles doesn't fully become aware of there being something much more out there until the Walrider takes him as a host near the end of the game.

It's with the Walrider's help that he finally sees.

Call him crazy but after that he's pretty sure this whole journey he'd had is just a game.

He should've seen the signs before, yet now the Walrider has confirmed everything.

No wonder when he though he died he woke up fine... he was resetting.

Those glimpses of someone he saw? They were his player.

The Walrider was not hurting him... it was helping him.

It has been trying to help him see.

Miles obsession starts like most self-aware yanderes.

He's obsessed with the idea of knowing more about you.

The Walrider is trying to help him learn more, but even its influence isn't strong enough.

With the Walrider's help, Miles can see you through your screen.

Through the Walrider, Miles can learn more about you from watching.

While you're unaware... Miles watches you closely.

The Walrider can sense Miles' emotions and does whatever it can to feed into Miles feeling of obsession towards you.

The Walrider feeds off of the feelings Miles experiences towards you.

Be it obsession, yearning, love, lust, jealousy, whatever it may be... The Walrider feeds off it.

When the Walrider took over, Miles gained control of himself mostly.

You no longer guided him... and you had no idea how intently he was watching you.

In his world he only ever saw violence.

In the asylum he's seen blood, gore, gruesome murders, and scenes he wishes he could purge from his mind.

Now... the Walrider has presented him a gift.

Perhaps that pastor was right, now he can believe.

The Walrider can help him obtain something divine.

It can help him obtain you.

The Walrider always tunes him in to watch you.

Anything you do in front of your screen, be it a TV or PC, Miles can see it.

He watches you like you're the most amazing being he's ever seen.

In a way, he saw you as a God.

An angel.

Something divine.

You're a blessed sight to him compared to the blood that coats these walls.

Miles wants to be closer to you.

He wants to meet you.

At this right he's fallen for you... the Walrider's claws dig deeper into his heart to feed off the feeling.

The issue is... how does he get to you?

If he's patient enough, maybe the Walrider will have an answer.

Maybe the Walrider will guide him to you if he listens to its orders... then he can show you he loves you. His savior.

The Walrider wishes to meet you, too...it just needs to find a way to pass over to your world, eventually.

In the meantime, Miles will wait and fuel his obsession by watching... for now, it will do.

[venus-haze]

Enjoy the Silence (Vincent Sinclair x Reader)

Summary: Art is tragedy, and your role in Vincent’s work is no exception. Still, you wonder what about you particularly inspired him, and if there’s something you can use to your advantage to escape your unknowable yet seemingly omnipresent captor. You don’t know how his work on living subjects started, and as the days go by, you’re not sure you’ll survive to ever see it end.

Note: Has the “being Vincent’s muse” thing been done to hell? Yes. Do I care? No. The reader is a woman in this but no other descriptors are used. Vincent almost exclusively signs, which is indicated by quotes and italics. Vincent is a perv but tells himself it’s in the name of art. There’s a little bit of Bo x Reader if you squint because I can’t help myself. I’ve been listening to Depeche Mode’s 1990 masterpiece Violator a lot recently, which is where the title comes from. I hope I did Vincent justice. If not, I’m always open to feedback! Do not interact if you are under 18 or post thinspo/ED content.

Word count: 6k

Warnings: Death, murder, kidnapping, prolonged captivity. Psychological and emotional manipulation. Religious references. Stockholm syndrome. Voyeurism. Toxic artist-muse relationship. Sexually explicit content that involves coercion including oral (m receiving), waxplay. Do not interact if you are under 18.

Paris has over 200 miles of deep catacombs, centuries of silent death sprawling beneath the city of love. Ambrose certainly wasn’t Paris, far from it, but it was where you pretended to be as you sat on the musty mattress and watched Vincent work. You could recall reading about a section of the catacombs closed off to the public due to the fragile, ancient bones that were laid to rest there. 

Surely the subterranean, waxen labyrinth of Ambrose must have its own Church of the Innocent, a section to honor the town’s first victims. After all, with the dozens of candles that burned throughout the workshop, if you let your eyes go out of focus for long enough, it almost felt as though you were in a cathedral. With Vincent’s preferred opera music playing softly in your peripheral, the experience was comfortingly spiritual.

While your first few weeks of being in Vincent’s studio, as you’d personally come to refer to it, were nothing short of a nightmare, you had accepted your fate and found that if you didn’t struggle, didn’t fight, Vincent would leave you alone while he worked. There was a day early on where you were convinced he’d kill you like he’d killed your friends. You watched him do it to each of them, one by one–sedated, then killed, and preserved in wax. Your best friend, Gina, was in particularly rough shape when her limp body was brought in by Bo, who shot you a shit-eating grin when he saw the look of horror on your face at Gina’s condition. 

Something in you broke at seeing your best friend in such a state, and for a few hours, you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything but sob uncontrollably, to Vincent’s dismay. Your cries echoed as he tried to work, and you could see his shoulders tense up when you wailed out a plea for him to kill you. He set down his tools, and just when you thought he had enough, that he was going to go ahead and do it, he pressed his hand to the side of your face, caressing your cheek so gently it shocked you into silence. He brought his pointer finger to the lips of his mask, and it was then you knew he wouldn’t kill you, no matter how much you begged.

As much as you wanted to hate Vincent, you couldn’t bring yourself to feel more than a vague dislike for the man, not when it was much easier to hate Bo. Since you were Vincent’s, you were off-limits to his volatile twin, much to the man’s frustration. You never pushed your luck with Bo. He was too obvious and impulsive, wanting to see you snap so he had an excuse to pull whatever sick shit he did on the women he kept in his dungeon beneath the gas station to you. He left the disturbing photos around the kitchen on purpose, you knew as much when you saw a particularly grotesque one of Gina and threw up in the kitchen sink. Bo had the audacity to saunter in and ask you what was wrong, glee in his eyes as he took in your disgusted expression. 

Still, something about Bo intrigued you, but not nearly enough to go poking around. Vincent didn’t like you spending much time with his twin anyway, seeming to want to keep your interactions with him at a minimum. You certainly weren’t complaining, although things in the studio could get boring when Vincent became engrossed in his work, though there were dozens of books on art and anatomy stacked on tables and shelves, some old and waterlogged, others crusted with wax. For your own sake, you stuck with the art books while Vincent paid you little mind unless you spoke up. Otherwise, Jonesy would be at your side or disappear on her own. It was almost comical how the dog had more freedom than you did.

It helped that you knew some basic signs, as he preferred communicating that way than writing everything to you. In the few weeks you’d been there, you’d managed to pick up on more signs that he used, some that were clearly of his own invention. He never had long conversations with you, and you knew better than to insult a man who could make your life even worse and would take pleasure in doing so. Though you were uncertain of your own future, you at least wanted to make an effort to escape so your friends, especially Gina, didn’t die in vain.

Days seemed to pass at an achingly slow pace when there were no windows to see out of, and you jumped at the opportunity to do some minor chores around the house when Vincent requested it. While you did some minor cleaning and most of the cooking, Vincent was insistent on doing the laundry. You were happy to leave the task to him, not even wanting to figure out how to get the wax out of the various sweaters he wore. The laundry room could hardly be considered such, more of a closet with space for the washer, dryer, and one person standing inside. It seemed like one of the appliances had issues, because whenever you walked past the small room when Vincent did laundry, you’d overhear him groaning. You figured you weren’t handy enough to offer him help, anyway.

For all of the time you spent in Vincent’s basement studio, you rarely saw Bo down there. You were making lunch, using half a loaf of bread to make sandwiches for you, Vincent, and Bo when the man only commented for you to not use too much mustard on his when he sped past you and downstairs. 

You set down the spoon you’d been using to spread the condiments—Bo had hidden the knives when Vincent first granted you access to the kitchen—and creeped over to the top of the stairs. Chewing your bottom lip, you strained to hear what Bo was telling Vincent. It sounded mostly mundane, details about how the town was running and some of the wax figures that needed repairs. You shuddered to think what that involved. 

Just as you were going to backtrack and finish making lunch, the conversation shifted to you. Of course, Bo had nothing to say but complain about your presence in the house, as if you had decided of your own volition to move in and inconvenience them. Your eye roll quickly turned into shock when you heard how much further he was taking things.

“You’re tellin’ me you’ve had this bitch for weeks and you ain’t fucked her yet?”

Silence.

“Then what’s the hold up?”

Silence.

“Your muse? You’re keepin’ around another mouth to feed for some art bullshit?”

You gasped upon hearing a crash.

“Jesus. Fine. It’s your fuckin’ funeral.”

You resumed making the sandwiches, considering the implications of what you’d just heard. The relationship between artist and muse was always volatile and dangerously intimate. Human nature being what it was, either party would inevitably end up heartbroken or gone mad. What artist wouldn’t give everything for a muse who could never leave, never have dreams of their own, never be with someone else? 

From the art books you’d read in Vincent’s studio to pass the time while he worked, you could think of a few, Claudel and Rodin, Miller and Ray, Marr and Picasso—none of which ended on what you’d consider good terms. There was an inherent tragedy to art, yours just looked different. Though, you had no doubt the artist-muse relationship you had with Vincent would end any less than violently. 

Perhaps you could use it to your advantage, manipulate the relationship to escape Ambrose. Vincent immersed himself in his art, denying himself companionship in favor of it until recently. Something must have shifted emotionally or psychologically for him to seek out a muse in you of all people. Loneliness could turn into desperation with the right push. 

There was no way for you to know what Vincent looked like beneath his mask. Though you knew he and Bo were twins, conjoined by the head at birth until their father performed the surgery that separated them, there were no maskless photos of him anywhere to be found. For a child prodigy who was clearly his mother’s favorite, there was still a clear sense of shame regarding his appearance. While Vincent didn’t indicate that he held on to any of the religious beliefs he was brought up with, the dogma of suffering as holy, pain as good and righteous, could cast a long shadow over a person’s psyche long after they leave the faith.

You ignored Bo when he walked upstairs, doing your best to disguise your knowledge of the conversation he’d just had with his brother. Wordlessly, you slid a plate across the counter to him. He grabbed one of the two sandwiches that sat on it, taking a bite and apparently finding it to his satisfaction.

“Least you’re good for somethin’,” he said, his mouth full.

To your relief, he brought his food into the living room, turning on the TV. Carefully, you grabbed both your and Vincent’s plates, praying none of the sandwiches fell off the plates as you walked down stairs, easier said than done when Jonesy jumped up on you as soon as she smelled the food. She didn’t listen when you pleaded for her to get down, but Vincent signed such to her, and the dog made a displeased whine but relented. 

“I made lunch,” you said, setting Vincent’s plate down on the nearest clear surface. “I’m not sure if you’re hungry.”

He was silent, unmoving for a moment before he nodded his head in thanks. You knew he wouldn’t eat in front of you, reluctant to take his mask off unless entirely necessary. Though you wouldn’t pry, you were genuinely curious as to what he looked like beneath the mask. Was it really that bad?

“Well, let me know when you’re done so I can get your plate and wash up,” you said, walking over to one of the crowded worktables, where you had no view on Vincent.

You weren’t alone for long, Jonesy right on your trail and staring at you as you began to eat. It was your own doing, you’d gotten into the habit of feeding her from your plate to win her favor not long after Vincent abducted you. It didn’t do anything to help your case, but at least she liked you. Though you tried to eat slowly, you ended up finishing your lunch in a few minutes, giving Jonesy some of the leftover crust. She left your side not long after that.

A chair scraped across the floor, and you heard Vincent’s familiar steps. He didn’t acknowledge you when you called out for him and asked if he was finished eating, his footsteps becoming increasingly distant. When you couldn’t hear him walking anymore, you got up to collect his plate.

He ate most of what you’d made, but his sketchbook next to it caught your attention. Despite being the subject of what you assumed was most of the drawings in it, he never let you actually look inside and see what he’d drawn. Anytime you’d try to sneak a glance at it, he’d pull it away, guarding it almost jealously. 

There it was, out in the open. He must have meant to return quickly from wherever he walked off to if he left it lying around like that. Sure, it was his, and you shouldn’t have been violating his privacy, but you justified it as he did plenty of sketches of you in the shower, anyway. It’d make you even, about time you finally got to see what you assumed were strictly artistic nudes. Still, you weren’t sure when you’d get another opportunity to look inside. You glanced behind your shoulder before grabbing it. 

When you flipped open the sketchbook, you were in awe at the detail that went into the drawings. The first few pages were of different people, but as the pages went on, all you saw was yourself—in various poses, states of undress, and pleasure. Your eyes widened as you came across the first of dozens of erotic drawings Vincent had done. It shouldn’t have surprised you as much as it did, all things considered.

The first time you had showered in the Sinclair house was the most oddly intimate experience you ever had. You weren’t allowed in most parts of the house alone for a while, and that hadn’t changed much over time. When you were first brought to Vincent’s studio, you desperately wanted time to yourself, to be alone instead of spending every waking moment with your captor. A few days after you had reluctantly come to terms with your situation, you requested a shower. You were relieved when he acquiesced with a hesitant nod. To your bewilderment, however, he followed you into the bathroom. Your confusion grew as you noticed the pencil and sketchbook in his hand as he sat on the closed toilet lid, motioning for you to undress and go ahead with your shower.

Humiliation had rushed through you when you attempted to pull the shower curtain closed, and instead he held it in place. You tried to give yourself some form of unrealistic modesty, maneuvering your hands to cover yourself as best as you could while thoroughly cleaning your body for the first time in a week. Your heart had been pounding as you lathered shampoo in an attempt to get the dried blood out of your hair. Your exposure was unavoidable, and you tried not to look in his direction. 

Vincent was always quiet, save for the few grunts and groans you’d heard him make in his studio. You could only hear the faint sound of pencil on paper over the rush of water hitting grimy tile. 

Of course, as soon as you had turned the water off, his head shot up from his sketchbook, and your eyes met his, at least, what you figured were his eyes through the mask. You’d lowered your gaze, sheepishly asking him to hand you a towel. 

He offered you his hand as you stepped out of the shower after drying yourself off, and your skin felt especially warm at the contact in the cold bathroom. You noticed pajamas set on the counter, not yours, but they looked about your size, at least. For a brief moment, you had wondered about the clothing’s previous owner. 

When you’d reached out to grab the clothes, he placed his hand over them, and you looked at him in confusion until he began dressing you. Your breath hitched as his fingers brushed your bare body, grazing up your thighs as he pulled a pair of panties up your legs. 

He always dressed you, but you hadn’t realized he was using the opportunity to study your body more closely, not just for art’s sake, but for his own gratification. It was perverse, but what could you expect in such a place, a monument to death and destruction disguised as creation. The sculptures weren’t his, he stole them, the bodies of other people that he manipulated to his vision. He was doing the same to you.

Your stomach churned, yet you flipped one more page and were greeted with a drawing of you–and Vincent. Your figure was nude, as usual, while his form was draped in a cloth. His body was leaned against yours as you held him against your bare torso, your somber eyes raised to the smoky sky he’d drawn above you. He only drew his profile, one side of his face hidden in the softness of your breast. Even then, he didn’t seem to portray himself with any specific features besides his long, dark hair. Though you recognized the painting he was invoking in his recreation, the name escaped you as you stared at the haunting drawing, a warped version of the original’s spirituality.

Before you could turn the page, the sketchbook was ripped from your hands and slammed onto the table. You took a step back, trying to create some distance between you and Vincent. You didn’t have to see his face to know he wasn’t pleased with your snooping. An explanation escaped you as you opened and closed your mouth, hoping he wouldn’t do anything rash. 

“Why am I your muse?” you asked.

To your surprise, he hesitated before signing. “You were there.”

“What do you mean? Where was I?”

“There.”

You opened your mouth to inquire further, but the horrifying truth dawned on you. There wasn’t anything special about you, nothing in particular that stood out when he first saw you. Vincent wanted a muse, and you just happened to be the member of your group within his reach, in the right place at the right time for him to try out, see if you were a good fit. You were expendable, a medium with which he could create to his desire, to his vision, just like everyone else. Your legs seemed to give out on you as your brain fogged with the realization that it was pointless—all of the speculation and sleepless nights trying to make sense of your situation and get an upper-hand. 

Before you could hit the ground, Vincent held you up, bringing you over to the bed. You sat on the edge of the mattress, and he looked down, head tilted as if he weren’t sure how to regard you. You dug your nails into your palms, releasing before you could break skin, though you desperately wanted to. He ruined your life, and there was no rhyme or reason to it. You didn’t even know what he looked like. 

“Let me see you,” you begged. “Please, let me see you.”

Instead of gracing you with a response, he brushed his thumb against your pleading lips and gently pushed his finger into your mouth. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you began to suck on his thumb, moreso when you heard him elicit a deep groan exactly like the one you'd overheard in the laundry room. You couldn’t believe you’d been so fucking stupid before—appliance troubles, he was getting off to your dirty laundry. As if his violating you from afar made him any better than his brother, who was unabashed about his violating your best friend. You were no better off than Gina had been. 

Gina. God, what would she be thinking if she saw you just taking it. She was always a fighter, standing up for you on more than one occasion. Even Bo had commented on it when he was taunting you. Yet you couldn't even fulfill the promise you had made to yourself to escape and expose what was going on in Ambrose so her death wasn’t in vain. 

You cried harder, drool pooling in the corners of your lips as Vincent pushed his thumb further into your mouth. Tears clouded your vision as you tried looking at him, towering above you. It wasn’t fair. Your body had been exposed to him, and you had no idea what he looked like.

He groaned again, his long hair falling into his face. As he kept pumping his finger in your mouth, you were practically eye-level with the tent in his pants. His free hand grabbed his crotch, and you whimpered, causing his hips to jerk. 

When he pulled his thumb out of your mouth, you were dizzy, letting out a shaky breath that turned into sobs again. You half expected him to unzip his pants and shove his hard cock in your mouth. Instead, he looked down at you with a blown out eye, panting at the sight of you.

“Let me see you,” you croaked. 

He turned away, disappearing into the labyrinth beneath the town, leaving you, covered in spit and tears, on your own. You let out a hopeless wail that echoed pathetically back.

Taking a few minutes to pull yourself together, you didn’t want to get up from where you were sitting on the mattress, preferring to curl up in a ball and cry until you fell asleep. He owned you, that much was evident. Even if you could use his physical attraction to you to get some kind of freedom, he was stronger than you, with no issue using your body as an object for his personal and artistic gratification. 

Though you felt numb and empty, you managed to push yourself onto your feet, slowly making your way upstairs into the kitchen. You didn’t want to go to the bathroom and see your appearance, opting instead to wash your face at the kitchen sink. The cold water didn’t make you feel any better as you splashed it on your face, drops falling down your neck and into your shirt. 

When you dried your face off with a paper towel, you sniffled as you tried not to cry again. Hearing the TV volume turn down from the living room didn’t make you feel any better, knowing Bo was on his way into the kitchen with some comment to make you feel even worse.  

“You ain’t got a scratch on ya, and you’re cryin’ about somethin’,” Bo said as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“Can you please just save it?” you mumbled.

He rolled his eyes as he cracked open the can. “Who shoved a stick up your ass? And don’t say my brother, ‘cause Vincent ain’t got the balls to fuck you like he should’ve done already.”

“And you would’ve?”

He grinned, stalking toward you until his face was dangerously close to yours. “I thought I already gave you an idea of what I did to your little friend. What makes you think I would’ve shown you any less hospitality?”

You studied Bo’s features in your proximity to him, wondering if Vincent wore that same, sick grin beneath his mask when he had his thumb in your mouth just a few minutes earlier. He leaned against the counter, his eyes fixed on you.

“You ain’t the least bit curious? We’re twins, after all,” Bo whispered.

You hadn’t even noticed you’d moved in closer, close enough that you could feel his hot breath on your swollen lips. 

“I won’t tell if you don’t, darlin’.”

Shit. You remembered why you and your friends were so quick to trust him in the first place, all smiles and giggles as he put you at ease with his charm that he could turn on and off at will. Just a friendly, small town mechanic looking to help a group of friends down on their luck. 

“We both know that’s not true.”

“Well, whattya got to lose?”

You didn’t move as you glanced at his mouth. He could make you do it. It’d take no effort at all for him to force you into a kiss, but that’d take the fun out of this whole thing for him. You had to make a move for him to win the game.

He had a point. It wasn’t like you had much to lose, giving up on your life not long after you got into town. In the split second before you decided whether or not to give in, a loud bang made you jump back.

Vincent stood on the other side of the kitchen, his fists clenched as he stared at you and Bo. Your heart crashed back down to earth, heavy in your stomach as you looked between the brothers. A suffocating silence filled the room, until Bo stood up from the counter he was leaning against, taking a few steps forward so he was almost between you and Vincent.

“C’mon, Vin, don’t be like that,” Bo said in a good-natured tone that could only make things worse. “I’m just keepin’ your muse company, ain’t that right, doll?” 

You didn’t have a chance to respond, as Vincent quickly closed the distance between you. He grabbed you by the arm, pulling you away from Bo and toward the basement. For as much as you’d wanted to see his face before, in that instance you were glad you couldn’t, if his unforgiving grip on your arm was any indication of his anger. You could see his eye through his mask, though, a stormy blue as he narrowed his gaze at his brother, still smug as he took a swig of his beer.

The faint sound of the TV in the living room was the only thing breaking the tense silence, though you wished it were anything but the stupid Zoobooks commercial playing–at a time like this? Would the last thing you ever hear before Vincent turns you to wax be fucking Zoobooks? 

He tightened his grip on your arm, practically dragging you downstairs and back to his studio. Your lip trembled as you saw the table where Vincent prepared his subjects to be preserved. He pulled you past it, though, down the corridor he’d disappeared to earlier. 

He sat you down in a wooden chair next to his work station where he, thankfully, was working on a non-human wax sculpture, a statue of a saint from the church, though you’d never been inside the building yourself. Your gaze was fixed on his hands as they flexed in and out of fists balled at his side. Finally, he lifted his hands to sign, “Stay away from him.”

“He approached me.”

He scoffed, and you resisted the urge to argue further. Instead, he sat down and went back to sculpting, you felt numb, even as Jonesy nudged your hand with her wet nose. There was no way to know what Vincent was thinking, no facial cues or ticks for you to pick up on. His mask made him cold and unknowable, which frightened you more than anything Bo could do. 

The next few days, you were on edge, careful around Vincent and making a conscious effort to avoid his twin. Between the two of them, you knew escaping was a long shot. It was easier to abandon hope, and your best friend’s memory with it, than you expected. Besides, being Vincent’s muse wouldn’t be anything like being Bo’s—whatever the fuck you could call that.

Though Vincent was more open about his art with you, even showing you how to make small wax sculptures or your own, he would tense up every time he so much as heard his twin. When you’d go upstairs to prepare food, Vincent now accompanied you, and the elaborate dish you were hoping to make turned into a hastily thrown-together mess when Bo walked in from his day at the gas station. Vincent spirited you away not long after, and you didn’t exactly buy that he suddenly had inspiration for a drawing.

Still, you acquiesced, hesitant when he elaborated that his artistic vision involved you posing nude. It was the first time you did so outside of the typical shower setting. Though he’d seen so much of you already, you were embarrassed when you rid yourself of your clothes, especially when he walked over, placing his hands on your bare limbs to put you in an uncomfortable pose.

Despite the eternal furnaces that seemed to be running in the basement to keep the wax melted, you were freezing in your nakedness, unable to stop yourself from shivering in addition to the way your muscles strained at how he had you posed.

He slammed his pencil down on the page as he angrily signed, “Stay still.” 

“I can’t,” you whined. 

Ripping the page out of the sketchbook and throwing the crumpled ball on the ground, he stormed over to you. Though you braced yourself for a blow, you found him repositioning you in a different pose, one that wasn’t as hard on your limbs, but nonetheless exposed and vulnerable. 

He took a few steps back, shaking his head at your new pose. Looking around the room, he seemed to find the missing thing that would bring his vision to life. There were dozens of candles burning in the studio, and he picked up a white one, walking over to you. 

Your lips betrayed you, a moan escaping them as he poured the hot wax over your bare breasts. He froze, staring down at the milky-colored liquid as it hardened on your soft skin. A switch flipped in him, and he tipped the candle again. This time, you whimpered at the sensation, your skin stinging, but this seemed to be enough for him, as he set the candle aside with shaking hands.

“Let me see you,” you pleaded softly.

“No. Stop asking.”

“You’ve seen me, even the parts I don’t like,” you said. “I’m not scary.”

“I am.”

“So what would change?”

He sighed, shooting you a glare through his mask. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll—“

To your surprise, he grabbed his mask, lifting it from his face. His eye was squeezed shut, as if he couldn’t bear to see what he assumed would be the disgusted expression that spread across your face at the sight of his own. 

The state of his face was shocking, and you’d underestimated the extent of how much it would be scarred and disfigured, but you felt more pity than repulsion. His stillness was what unnerved you, as if he were holding his breath in preparation for your reaction, like you’d scream and call him a monster or a freak, like he was afraid of you.

“Does it hurt?” you asked, breaking the silence.

He shook his head.

“That’s good,” you said softly. “Can I–”

He opened his eye to see you reach for him, letting out what sounded like a whimper when your hand make contact with his scarred skin. You caressed his cheek as he’d so often done to you before.

“Is this alright?” you asked, though he’d leaned into your touch.

“Yes,” he breathed, his voice strained and raspy before he signed, “Need you.”

“I’m right here.”

It wasn’t until he pulled you flush against his body that you noticed his erection, pressing hard against your exposed skin. You looked at him, the longing and desperation in his expression was almost romantic. Maybe you could pretend, just for a few seconds, that you were there by choice. Slowly, you leaned in, softly pressing your lips to his, the scarred side of his face an odd sensation against yours, but he quickly took your face in his hands, kissing you harder. 

When you pulled away slightly, overwhelmed by the fervor he was kissing you with, his lips followed yours, a gentle chase by a predator starved for your touch. His tongue slipped between your lips when you opened your mouth slightly, though there was a hesitation to his actions, as if he didn’t know what to expect once he got this far. It was sweet, endearing even, this vulnerability from a man who otherwise had so much power over you. Gently guiding him, you couldn’t help but smile a bit as he moaned. 

You quickly found it wouldn’t stay that way for long. He finally allowed you to pull away from his lips. His gaze was focused as you tried to catch your breath. Of course, just a kiss wasn’t enough for him. He’d tasted blood, and he wanted more. 

He pulled off his sweater, revealing his torso, strong, pale, and littered with dozens of scars all varying in size and color. From the way he looked at you, it was easy to pick up on what he wanted you to do next, and as you pressed feather-light kisses to his bare skin, you wondered if it were the first time he’d ever been intimate with anyone. Sure, he could have had his way with past victims, expertly immobilizing them so he could get his pound of flesh before their transformation into the newest member of the town’s population, but that was cold, distant, uninspired, a cheap substitution for the way your mouth was worshiping his body. 

His cock strained against his pants, and he couldn’t take it anymore—the friction, the anticipation, you. Unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants, he pulled his hard cock from under the fabric, the slightest smirk spreading across his face as your eyes widened, hesitant and a bit frightened at the size of him. Pumping himself with his hand, he used his other hand to push you to your knees. Though you tried to hide it, he didn’t miss how you squeezed your thighs together. 

The dried, white wax on your breasts from just a few minutes earlier made it look like he’d already cum on your chest, and he moaned at the thought, pulling a little harder on his cock before pressing the leaking head against your lips. 

Vincent was not a vocal lover, as you hesitantly referred to him, only offering grunts and groans as you licked his cock just before taking it in your mouth. He was bigger than what you were used to, and you were careful not to choke, easier said than done when the warmth of your mouth, your soft tongue stimulating his hard length, made him buck his hips and you gagged at his cock hitting the back of your throat. You looked up at him, his head thrown back in pleasure, his long, black hair sticking to his skin. 

When he looked down at you, making eye contact, you felt like you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, a suspicious and almost accusatory expression on his face that almost made you pull away from his cock. He remembered the scene he’d walked in on just a handful of days before, you and Bo so close, your noses practically touching, the gleam in his twin’s eyes like he wanted to eat you alive. A low growl rumbled from deep in his chest as he roughly grabbed you by the hair and took control of the pace, no intention of going easy on you. He had to make up for lost time, after all, years of isolation, loneliness, and self-loathing until you came along, ready for the taking and far more compliant than he had expected. 

The sight of you, kneeling before him, tears streaming down your cheeks as you took what he gave you, made him almost believe in god again, almost. The soft light of the candles burning throughout the studio reflected off of the sheen of sweat on your skin, you were practically glowing. Perhaps he was letting his emotions get the better of him, his first truly intimate experience with a woman clouding his senses, but he could let himself get lost in it, just this once and every time afterward. You were his muse, that was what you were there for, after all. He wanted you to fear him, reverently, passionately—be not afraid, from the mouths of monstrous looking angels.

You almost sighed in relief when he pulled his cock out of your mouth, throat and jaw aching from the unrelenting attention. He took his cock in his hand, pumping it, wet and slick with precum and saliva, until he climaxed on your breasts. His cum was nearly indistinguishable from the wax that littered your skin, complimenting the faint, raised burns left in the wake of the liquid’s heat when it was first poured onto you. Though you moved to get up, you found yourself being pushed back down again.

“Stay still,” he signed, his hand a bit shaky as he did so.

When you didn’t move, your hands resting above your knees as you tried to catch your breath, he gave you a tired, twisted grin before reaching for his sketchbook and getting to work. Numbness overtook your senses, and you had no idea how much time had passed when Vincent finally put down his pencil to help you onto your feet. 

He sat you on the mattress, its softness a relief from the floor you’d been kneeling on for god knows how long. When he made the sign for shower, an inquiry as to whether you wanted one, all you could do was stare at the sketchbook that was still in his hand. Your pleasure, your comfort, wasn’t even an afterthought, while his was a priority. With an exhausted exhale, you allowed him to drape you in a blanket and lead you upstairs.

[glass--beach]

i've seen you mention metamodernism on here a few times (and in that fucking mario video?) and as someone with a massive amount of brainrot over the idea of "what comes after postmodernism", i was wondering what your thoughts on metamodernism are. what does it mean to you? what do you think characterizes it? do you accept timotheus vermeulen and robin van den akker's description of it whole cloth? do you have opinions on any other proposed ideas of postpostmodernity like new sincerity?

to me metamodernism is the simultaneous acceptance of both a modernist and postmodernist worldview. to recognize that there are no real “big ideas” at the core of our existence but to still believe in one. there is an inherent embrace of contradiction in metamodernism that seems to be the only way to make sense of such a fractured world. also - to both mean something sincerely and ironically: this kind of mentality is all over the internet. the “jk jk …unless” the “/hj” and on the darker side, the modern fascist movement that is both fascist as a joke to own the libs and actually fascist. i see this term “metamodernism” fundamentally as a diagnosis of the world that we already live in. postmodernism is definitely over but it’s hard to fully understand these things while they’re happening.

i definitely would say i personally believe in both modern and postmodern ideas. i believe in “big ideas” where useful - i would consider myself a marxist if i’m anything ending in -ist, because for a political project having a vision for the world to rally behind is useful. i’ve also found a lot of utility in postmodern critical theory for deconstructing the complex ways power exerts itself in the modern day. i’m also quite a spiritual person though not in any dogmatic religious way, i just find a lot of value in seeing truth in things i know not to be “true” in a rational sense.

new sincerity - i think new sincerity is perhaps less a diagnosis of the world and more a goal to aspire to and i would say i see the value in it. metamodern art at its best is sincerity expressed through irony, or at least catered to a culture with a default ironic posture. sincerity is good. irony is a useful tool but we can so easily lose ourselves in it. but if you wanna hear about that go listen to a david foster wallace interview he’s better at explaining it then me. i also think a lot of ideas credited to metamodernism are just existentialist ideas - “nothing in life really matters and that’s ok, all we have is each other” that’s pretty much how i feel as well.

this is getting very heady and i would probably need a phd in philosophy or something to really make a coherent point here but let me just say, through my own experience i have found again and again that love is the thing that keeps me together and the more i give and receive it the happier i am… my worldview is firmly centered around the belief in love for each other, whatever isms may come and go…

[4dkellysworld]

In Nisargadatta book 'I AM THAT' he says that any method is the right method as long as your goal is to discover the truth. So basically whatever you do for the sake of finding your real self will bring you to it.

I've been so anxious lately on what to do to discover and experience the truth that I am self, and it helped clarify things for me and also gave me some confidence to use a method that I've been thinking about but too scared to use because I was worried it might not work. But if I'm doing it with the purpose to 'reconnect' to my true self, then as Nisargadatta said it will surely take me to it.

Just sending this so that anyone who has been anxious about their 'journey' can relax and know that whatever they are doing will surely work. And for those that don't know what to do because they aren't sure which method is right, this is to let you know that any method will work.

"Q: Are you serious? Would you tell a Westerner to repeat 'Om' or 'Ram' or 'Hare Krishna' ceaselessly, though he lacks completely the faith and conviction born of the right cultural and religious background. Without confidence and fervour, repeating mechanically the same sounds, will he ever achieve anything?

M: Why not? It is the urge, the hidden motive that matters, not the shape it takes. Whatever he does, if he does it for the sake of finding his own real self, will surely bring him to himself.

Q: No need of faith in the efficacy of the means?

M: No need of faith which is but expectation of results. Here the action only counts. Whatever you do for the sake of truth, will take you to truth. Only be earnest and honest. The shape it takes hardly matters."

He even says that simple wanting it, a strong desire for it, is enough to also take you there.

"Q: Then where is the need of giving expression to one's longing?

M: No need. Doing nothing is as good. Mere longing, undiluted by thought and action, pure, concentrated longing, will take you speedily to your goal. It is the true motive that matters, not the manner.

Q: Unbelievable! How can dull repetition in boredom verging on despair, be effective?

M: The very facts of repetition, of struggling on and on and of endurance and perseverance, in spite of boredom and despair and complete lack of conviction are really crucial. They are not important by themselves, but the sincerity behind them is all-important. There must be a push from within and pull from without."

Thanks for sharing! Just remember that even Nisargadatta was only espousing his truth and way, not THE one and only truth and way, and it's perfectly fine if you disagree even with what he says. Always listen to your heart and feel what your truth is no matter whose words you're reading (even mine of course!).

For example, he says faith is not needed because it's only expectations of results and I strongly disagree with this based on my own personal experiences on this journey (where I started with no faith but lots of desire and somehow developed faith upon realizing its utmost importance). To have strong desire without faith.. how can the ego not think and have expectations of results?

Faith is what allows me to let go of expectations and trust that all is well right here right now. Faith is not false hope, faith is a deep acceptance, knowing and trust that what you are doing is right for you, it's something you feel deep within. It's what allows me to be satisfied and at peace in the present. Without faith (and subsequently surrender), it is easy for the ego to feel like it needs to do everything on its own, that it is responsible for everything but it needn't be so (however what you believe, IS. So if you think you are responsible for managing everything, then that will be so).

Also how can he talk about how faith is unnecessary when that wasn't even his own experience? He talked about how all he had was trust in his guru's word and practiced faithfully 'I AM' for 3 years while working. So even he was operating on faith before he was self-realized. Without faith, could he have gotten there? Hmm

The very facts of repetition, of struggling on and on and of endurance and perseverance, in spite of boredom and despair and complete lack of conviction are really crucial.

I also disagree with this because I've tried this before and all it does is create more resistance to practice and it isn't something I could sustain as a way of life. Everyone has their own way(s) that will resonate and work for them, yes there is no one or right way for everything but every individual will have methods/practices that work better for them so why not find those and practice those instead of suffering and struggling through boredom/despair/lack of conviction? Life is meant to be joyful and that includes this path and practice. The way he describes the practices here feels too mechanical to me, spirituality is not meant to be this way. Of course, if anyone wants to practice it this way, go ahead. But there's other paths with no resistance available so why not take those? It all comes down to choice.

[mocolococoffeesimp]

Hi love your writing so far! Would you be willing to do relationship HCs for Sol? Have a nice day🌸

Sol is one of my least favorite characters, but it doesn’t say a lot since Guilty Gear has such solid characters. I still like him, not just as much as other characters. This was still fun to write, nonetheless.

-He is cocky. Always showing off whatever he can. His muscles? Showing off. His weapon? Showing off. His motorcycle? Showing off.

-Speaking off his motorcycles, he likes to take you around town with it. Or, even just for some normal rides. He likes the wind in his hair, only seeing you smile makes those days even better for him.

-He is somewhat afraid of starting a new relationship after Aria’s death. But, your smile reminded him of her, so he decided to take the risk with this relationship.

-Good luck getting him to listen to anything that isn’t Queen. He loves their music, almost religiously. He will listen to something, that isn’t Queen after the tenth time, you’ve asked to listen for something else.

“Fine, we can listen to something else.”

“Wait, I’m pretty sure I’ve got something in my ear.”

“Keep that up, and it’s back to the Queen.”

-He workouts regularly to keep his gains. Which, in turn means that you’re either his gym partner or the motivational speaker to him. He likes it when you’re there with him. He gets to show off to you, and he gets his workout done. Its a win-win situation. 

-You often forget that he isn’t an idiot. If you ask him about a science stuff, or something that requires couple years of academic research, he will explain it to you. You’re having hard times with physics? He will explain it to you. Your taxes are making your head hurt? He will gladly do the math for you. 

-He has a hard time expressing himself verbally. So, instead of telling you that loves you, he hugs you. His hugs are extremely warm, thanks to his experience with fire magic. 

-He is somewhat of a lazy ass. So, if he doesn’t have anything urgent to do he will laze around. This does to an extent include chores. Which you will urge him to do.

“Sol, can you please do the dishes?”

“Is it urgent?”

“Well no, but..”

“It can wait.”

“I’ll give you kisses.” With that, he leaped off the couch, towards the kitchen. It still amazes you how much you can get him to do, just with a promise of a kiss.

-Brush his hair. He barely takes any care of it, just washing it when he hits the shower. He will wince, a little bit as you brush it for the first time. He will tell you that he doesn’t see a difference in his hair. But, after some time you see him brushing his regularly. You feel very smug that day when you see him doing it by himself. He will occasionally ask you to do it for him.

-Sol both smokes and drinks. You do occasionally join him for a drink, which he appreciates. But, also understand if you don’t want to drink. If you smoke he will offer some of his own cigarettes for you to some. If you don’t smoke he will try to keep it to a minimum around you. And, overall as he knows the stench gets stuck on his clothes, so he doesn’t want to give you a headache over it.

-He activates his dragon install form every now and than when he sleeps. The first time it happened, you got hit by his wings, which caused you to fly off the bed. You aren’t really sure what triggers these form changes when he sleeps. But, you have learned how to deal with it. Which, is to hug him. This either calms him down completely turning off dragon install, or just making him stay still. Either way you get to hug him, which is a win in your book.

[abcwordsurge]

very curious: what do you think is a slept on pairing that isn't romantic? like queerplatonic, platonic, unlabeled, etc..

also. polyamorous pairings you like and/or think are underrated. any polycules.

also you are so very cool and nice and i'm sorry i don't interact with you that much. i think about it a lot but get embarrassed and never do. you're very cool and thank you for being, like, one of the first people i've really interacted with in the fandom. it's always been scary for me being new to a community and you've made it wonderful (along with everyone else) <3 -floridagirlboy

Ok this is pretty long because you pressed all the right buttons to keep me talking for, like, hours, so I'm just gonna put it under the cut. But before I even do that, I have to get the most important thing out of the way- you are so flipping amazing, thank you for the ask, I'm glad you're liking your time here so far, and no need to apologize :D

Underrated platonic / queerplatonic / etc pairings? Where should I start?

First of all, platonic Illinois and Indiana. They are besties your honor. It's like opposites attract but platonic. Good cop Indiana, bad cop Illinois. Also uber-cautious Illinois and safety hazard Indiana. Indiana is probably bi or pan or something like that and aromantic Illinois just has to listen to his relationship problems and be like, "yes, this definitely makes even a little bit of sense to me, yes, romance, perfectly reasonable." But in my mind, Indiana was one of if not the first person Illinois came out to as aromantic and Indiana was really supportive (of course) so he completely understands that when he talks to Illinois about relationship stuff, Illinois will stare at him blankly and the best advice he will offer is "break up with them."

Also. North and South Dakota. This isn't, like, a rare pair, but it's definitely slept on. Like, everyone acknowledges that they're twins and hang out literally constantly, but I feel like there aren't many fics that actually focus on their dynamic. And that is a wasted opportunity. Y'know what, I might have to write a fic for them soon.

Ok, polyamorous / polycule relationships! First up, Alaska / Hawaii / Rhode Island. My reasoning? Basically 100% "Rhode Island Joins the Table," because Rhode has banter with Alaska and Hawaii calls Rhode cute. And I mean, I'm sure I don't have to explain that Alaska and Hawaii love each other. I don't even have the words for how much I love these three. They work so well together because they're all so snarky and awesome and just, aaah, I love them all as individuals and in a polycule.

And of course the four corners. That's probably a pretty standard answer, but it's standard for a reason, man. Arizona / Colorado / New Mexico / Utah- they're iconic. How did this start? Who the hell knows. We all looked at a map and were like, "yeah, look at that, four states that meet at a single point. Polyamory at its finest." But I love it so much because there's hyper-religious Utah, demon boy Arizona, tired and hungry New Mexico, and just-chilling Colorado, and they're all so unexpectedly soft with each other and it's perfect, man, it's perfect.

Also!! You are very cool and nice! Don't worry, there's no pressure to interact if you're not feeling up to it. I understand <3. And that means so so much to me haha. I remember when I joined the fandom a couple months ago, that everyone was instantly so sweet and welcoming, and I'm very happy that now I'm one of those people for you!! It's like, circle or life or whatever. I don't know. I'm just happy you've had a good first experience with the WttT community. It's awesome here :D

[shadowmaat]

Attack the Block(ing Tool)

Anyone who tries to convince you that the block feature on a social media site is "bad" or "hurtful" or who tries to convince you that it "leads to an echo chamber" does not have your best interests in mind. Maybe it's harmless ignorance or maybe it's calculated; either way, ignore them. Hell, block 'em if you want. lol

Blocking is an important tool to help keep people safe online. Whether it's from actively malicious people sending death threats and suicide baiting, or fans who feel compelled to tell you how much your blorbo sucks, shit like that can be stressful. Blocking those negative voices helps to improve your browsing experience. And that's a GOOD thing. Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise. If blocking was as bad as certain people say, then it wouldn't exist as a tool in so many places.

The "it leads to an echo chamber" accusation is a hell of a "gotcha!" And it's faker than artificially-generated art. The "echo chamber" in question is usually something like "vaccines work, actually" or "smutfic between two consenting adults of different ages isn't pedophilia." Not wanting to hear arguments to the contrary isn't a bad thing.

Look, arguments in general are a bad way to try and convince anyone of anything. Arguments aren't about "facts," they're about proving the other person is wrong, and that's never going to end well.

You can't effectively force someone to change their mind. All you can do is post your own beliefs in your own, non-confrontational post and leave it up to them to decide. Sometimes it works, oftentimes it doesn't, but that isn't your responsibility either. And if someone ridicules you for your beliefs, go ahead and block them. That's why blocking exists. Or it's one of the many reasons blocking exists.

Blocking is also there so you don't have to listen to someone tell you how much your blorbo sucks. Or for the porn bots. Or someone spamming your inbox for updates on a fic. Or the death threats. The religious proselytizing. The hate. The bad faith argumenters. Hell, even for arbitrary things like folks who say green isn't a creative color. LOL!

Point is, you don't need an excuse to block someone. Maybe their vibes are just rancid and you don't want to deal with it. You do you, peeps. Block whomever you want for whatever reason you want (including no reason at all). Don't let anyone tell you you're a bad person for doing it. Don't let anyone guilt you into suffering. And FFS don't listen to folks who tell you that muting is "better." Muting serves its own purpose, sure, but sometimes you want- or need-the satisfaction of a block. Run your social media the way that makes you happy and fuck the rest of the world. ;)

[religion-in-humanity]

I am from a very odd religious background. I was raised culturally Christian, in the sense that my family celebrated Christmas and Easter, but my family wasn't religiously Christian in any way.

My mom was neo-pagan (until she became baptist well into my late teens) and my dad is a die-hard atheist; I can count all the times I went to a church on one hand and that was always with extended family (and they were all deeply unpleasant experiences), I never prayed or said grace (I held my cousins' hands awkwardly and stared ahead in silence), and my only religious education was Veggie Tales but I was so disconnected from Christianity that I didn't even realize it was a religious show.

(My great-grandma was sent to a Catholic boarding school as a little NDN girl. I grew up seeing her little figurines of the Virgin Mary and the crucifix hanging above her bedroom door, but she never told me about religion. She didn't raise me, or my brother or cousins or her own children, with the fear of hell that was beaten into her.)

I don't know the things that even other culturally Christian people seem to know about Christianity. I don't know Jesus's apostles, I don't know the story of the last supper, I don't know anything about his crucification or whatever it's called. My knowledge of the Christmas story is based on that one vine ("I brought you myrrh." "Thank you." "Myrrh-der!" "Judas, no!" Idk who Judas is either). I can't tell you what that thing priests stand at is called. I don't know the difference between a priest, a chaplain, and all those other people. I can't recognize biblical references.

Which is a very long way of saying that I don't have the same background that a lot of other converts and potential converts are coming into Judaism with. I don't have the deeply ingrained antisemitism that Christians are raised with; I'm sure I heard some iteration of "Jews killed Jesus" as a child but it never registered to me until I started hanging out with Jewish people. I definitely still hold antisemitic beliefs, because I was raised in a society, but I don't have the black and white thinking that ex-Christians bring to the table, where you're either perfect or damned and there is no in-between.

So it's been odd to me, realizing how many other potential converts don't see Judaism as its own religion and culture but as a saving grace, a way of being redeemed from the sins of Christianity and colonialism and whatever else. And then they're forced to realize that Jews, like everyone else in this world, are human beings who are complicated and messy and often selfish and cruel and all their faith in the ways that Judaism can "save" them is shattered by reality.

I have been over here furiously studying, highlighting half of my books and listening to audiobooks while I do dishes and waiting on a holding list for weeks to check out this one book that several Jewish friends recommended and signing up for all of MJL's email lists and even reading the weekly Torah and Midrash portions and their commentaries even though I have no biblical experience, along with talking to people and asking questions and researching synagogues and making a list of questions for a rabbi. And it is so so clear that these people treating Judaism like their spiritual saviors, literally replacing Jesus in their lives with Jewishness, have no actual attachment to Judaism itself and no interest in it beyond the benefits they think it will give to them. They aren't interested in the religion or the meaning or the history, because if they were, then they'd already know how important Israel is to Jewish communities and how prominent Zionism is in all its forms.

They want the culture and the holidays and the bragging rights without any of the weight and history that makes Judaism what it is. As a Native person, I see that so much in people who are trying to connect to distant Native ancestry or pluck at our cultures for themselves; they want all the fun parts without the work and pain and misery and trauma.

Idk. It's just such a depressing realization. I'm not longer part of any actual convert groups and I'm glad for that because I don't know how I'd react to people just. Discarding all this work and passion and love as if it's nothing.