#its also important to remember they were fighting for different things

[prettyboykatsuki]

your kind of like | h. suo

✮ tags ; fem!reader, tomboy / athlete!reader, friends to lovers, third-year suo but its not super important, mutual pining, silly shoujo tropes lol, i headcanon tsubaki using she/they pronouns

✮ wc ; 2k (??????)

✮ a/n ; based on violets request for suo + my tomboy reader delusions. reader is a himbo but a girl and i love her.

also sorry if i completely butchered this guy LOOOL

The first time Suo lays eyes on you, you're half-way up a tree - a few feet from the ground, trying to coax and old lady's cat to jump on you and come down safely.

He remembers it in great detail since it left a lasting impression. How you rolled your skirt up so it wouldn't get in your way, how your face and hands were covered in scratches - and most particularly, how you smiled the entire time. How you were loud as you clicked your tongue but soft to it once it jumped into your arms.

You had jumped onto the soles of your feet with great force but the kitty seemed calm in your arms after a while. Bright as the sun and twice as warm, you returned the cat to it's owner and then, met Suo for the first time.

You give him your name, your age, your birthday - and then ask him for the same. When he gives it to you, you clap a hand on his shoulder and tell him it's so good to meet him.

Suo does not believe in love at first sight. Koi no yokan—love at second sight, or the feeling when you meet someone that loving them is your destiny. If Suo could put a name to that feeling, it was probably that.

He was bound to love you from that very instance.

For the last two years, he's been going straight down that path with no resistance and insurmountable clarity.

It's natural for Suo to make comparatives. It's the type of person he is, the kind of fighter he sets himself up to be. Primarily a martial artists with a preference to keep calm requires strategizing.

Drawing connections comes to him as easy as breathing.

So, if he had to compare him to you, there's no end of things that make you incredibly different. Almost opposite in all ways except your decency. Compared to Suo, you are loud and brutish and strong. You're easy to read in a way that reminds him of Sakura, but denser. Your nature is tough and absurdly honest.

You don't often fight outside of your sport for one reason or another, but when you do - you prefer to tank hits instead of avoid them. Everything you feel always shows on your face.

He's never met a girl so earnest in his entire life.

He's never really met anyone like you in general.

After your first meeting, you began to get friendly with him and Bofurin in general. A student athlete in an all-girls school in the same town, you're often in the area doing odd jobs for money. You live with your brother who works in the city, and you're the youngest of your family. You're incapable of lying, even when it might benefit you and you like sweet things.

You're nice to everyone and like to chat up whoever's around, but you like Suo especially. You often ditch class to go to Furin and hang out with them and you're rarely intimidated by anyone. You're comfortable with his friends, though you seem especially fond of Nirei and Sugashita. Sakura too, though he has yet to know how to act around you even this many years later.

Your relationship is as normal as any other friendship, but maybe that's part of the problem. You treat Suo as thoughtful as you would any other friend - even when he refuses to tell you about himself. You're not hurt by the fact he's got walls up so high, and you don't hound him when he can't be straight with you.

You understand Suo as a friend and don't bother with any other details. You just.. get him. So effortlessly. And even when you don't, nothing changes.

The nature of Bofurin after all, leads Suo to fights that leave him in emotional tatters. Moments where anyone else would ask to open up, you remain steadfast. Your friendship is a lot like you, sturdy beyond his understanding

(Countless times, Suo has shown up at your door unannounced - often covered in bruises and battered. You worry and anger, but you always let him. Take care of his wounds, let him borrow your shower. Even going so far as sneaking him into your room when your brother was home, just so he didn't have to be alone with his thoughts.

He can't count how many times he's slept across from you in your bed. Dense. An honest idiot. A girl with no self-preservation who's letting a guy sleep alongside her with no care.

Suo always feels apologetic the next morning and you smile and go along like nothing happened. It might've been true in your case, but in his - he fell in love a little more each time.)

Because you're that way - Suo finds it hard to deal with his feelings. With the enormity of them, the intensity of them. You're not totally clueless - but when people talk about relationships or dating, it always seems like it has nothing to do with you.

If you were anyone else, he thinks it'd be easy to confess to you. If you had been another girl, or less of a friend.

But it's you. The bright, earnest, tough, you. He can't even bring himself to flirt with you or treat you idly despite how much he likes you. He knows better than anyone how good you are, and can't pretend to be anything less than honest about it. He adores you so utterly that it'd be pointless to even try to pretend to have the advantage.

He can be a tease. A flirt, if he wants to be. With anyone else it'd be easy. But with you, the love is so genuine it's impossible. He just wants to cherish you. Wants to shower you in affection, wants to spoil you and give you all of his time.

Friends is such a hard line in the sand. The minute Suo crosses it, there's never going to be anyway to go back to how you were before. He's been careful in being content with just friends, because he'd rather keep you in his life than not have you at all by scaring you away with his feelings.

He thinks it'll all be fine until Nirei tells him word on the block about a recent confession.

__

"A kouhai from a different team asked you out?"

Suo reaches out to wipe the grain of rice from the corner of your mouth as you eat onigiri. Your carelessness endears him but he's too distracted by the rumor to pay it any mind. You nod, swallowing with a sip of water.

"Uh-huh. Akira-kun. Dun' know his first name, but he's a good kid. Super tall for being younger, though."

Suo was sure he would never have to worry about this since you went to an all-girls school. To think you'd get a confession from a fellow student athlete, a boys member of an opposing team. He tries not to get irritated at the thought.

"Are you interested in him?"

You pause. Suo feels his heart race before you answer with a shrug and continue to eat your bento.

"Dunno the guy enough to like 'im. He seems nice. I told him as much but he said that was fine," You pick at the veggies in your bento, taking a bite out of one. "So he asked me on a date instead so we could get to know each other."

"Oh?" Suo forces himself to smile and keep his voice even. "Are you going to go?"

You nod and Suo feels his heart stop. Shit.

"Really? I'm surprised."

You hum. "Well, you know, I've never been on a date," You say, suddenly smiling. You look so genuinely happy Suo can't bring himself to be totally upset. "But, it sounds super fun! We're gonna go to a batting cage in another prefecture."

He looks at you in surprise. "A batting cage?"

"Well, he thought I'd like that more than other date ideas, but I'm not all that picky since I've never been."

"You already talked about it a lot then."

"Uh-huh. He laughed when I said I wanted to go eat meat after. Said that was just like me... somehow I don't get it, but I'm happy anyway. I hope it'll be fun."

Suo smiles his best business smile and tells himself beating the shit out of his friends kouhai for flirting with her is wrong. "Hm. Are you prepared to go on the date?"

"You sound like Tsubaki-chan," You lament. "She made me go get nice clothes and everything."

....

"She did, huh? That sounds just like her. Did Kotoha-san go too?"

"Mhm. They just picked it out for me since I'm not good with any of that. Tsubaki-chan is so beautiful so I trust her."

"Mm,"

"What's wrong?"

You're looking at him with such clear eyes it makes Suo guilty. He knows if he says nothing now, you'll drop it without question. That's just how you are. But for once he doesn't really want to drop it. It's too impulsive and entirely rash but he really...

"You know, if you wanted go on a date - I could've just taken you."

You pause then grin a little. "Dates are for people in like, you know."

Of course you would assume it was a joke. Suo pauses, suddenly looking serious.

"So, if I told you I liked you - would you consider going on a date with me?"

"Sure," You smile because you definitely still think he's joking. But it's a pretty, honest smile anyway. "But Suo-kun doesn't need to ask me for anything. We can always just go together."

He still himself as he scoots in closer to you where you sit, pushing your lunches out of the way and closing the distance to look at you closer. You blink in surprise but don't back away or flinch.

"I'm being serious you know?" He hums softly. It's less hard to say than he thought, but maybe it's because he's already been willing to put everything on the line for you from the start. "I really like you. In that way."

You blink. "...Huh?"

He can't help himself. He'll apologize later. Your breath is warm and soft when he leans in and presses his lips to yours for too long. You don't push him away, uncannily receptive to the touch. You taste salty. Suo kisses you for as long as you'll let him and pulls away only for breath.

He isn't sure what he's expecting, but the jump from pure shock to pure embarrassment surprises him. You put a hand on your shoulder, jaw open in disbelief.

"....So it was like that," You mumble, in shock. "It was... really like that?"

"For a long time, now"

"I also like Suo-kun, but how shocking."

Suo stares at you. "Are you sure your like and my like are the same? I get the feeling that -"

You press your lips to his as if to prove a point, pulling away and brushing it off just as quickly. He can feel the heat rise to his neck in immediate disbelief. You frown at him "Between us, I'm the one who's good at being honest so don't be like that,"

He just... stares. He's elated but completely confused. "Why didn't you confess earlier?"

You smile sheepishly. "Being your friend is also good, so I was okay with not changing it. It's hard to tell what you're thinking and I didn't think it was important."

He laughs in disbelief, dropping his head down to your shoulder. He didn't think he would be this happy. He didn't even think it was possible. "How could that not be important?"

"You're more important to me than that," You say easily, though he can hear your beating from where his head is. "I'm happy we like each other but I care the most about Suo-kun's feelings and being with you since you're important to me. I want to be with you for a long time."

Ah. In some regards, it seems like Suo is never going to be able to one-up you. He laughs in disbelief as his arms snake around your waist, crushing you more tightly in his arms than he can bear. You giggle so sweetly when he does he thinks he might really be done for. His usual demeanor comes in easy, calm and collected but absolutely estatic.

"It sounds like a proposal." He mumbles, almost lovesick.

"We could get married but you have to ask my brother first."

Suo laughs brightly against your neck. "Be less casual about something like that," And then a little softer. "But yes, we'll stay together as long as you want."

He holds you like that a little bit longer.

[girlbob-boypants]

At the risk of seeing discourse and bad faith takes in the notes, I'd like to apply nuance to the Malenia vs Radahn fight

In their states before the fight, Radahn was stronger. This is because Malenia's training was based around suppressing her rot, the very thing that made her a demigod and an empyrean. The Scarlet Rot was eating at her, yes, but that's only a negative because of her desire to be separate from it (sort of like the difference in the omen twins, actually. Acceptance vs repression). This put her at a disadvantage to a demigod who had fully embraced his powers.

And this was something she knew. That's why she removed Miquella's Needle. She needed a final gambit in case exactly what happened, happened. Radahn literally disarmed her and so she brought her true power to the battlefield.

"But Radahn was holding back the stars, he was carrying his horse." Yes and he chose to do that during his attempt to claim the throne. He chose to do that despite knowing he was facing Malenia, Blade of Miquella. Tactical decisions are just as much a part of battlefield power as raw strength.

As warriors on the battlefield, Radahn was barely able to get an edge over Malenia. As demigods with their full powers, Radahn never stood a chance.

Not...that any of this matters cause in game all that's happening is I'm getting my ass beat

[lesbianpegbar]

What are your thoughts on season 2 so far??? I’m still a bit worried about lg… but idc about that BECAUSE QIAO LING!!!!! WITH THE STEEL POLE!!!

yeah <3

[fumifooms]

The Nakamoto household - facts & theories masterpost

Table of contents:

the hierarchy & general situation

The parents

The Maizuru situation

The siblings

The other retainers

Izutsumi

Toshiro

Conclusion

I also made tldr summary charts here. This post is about collecting facts about the setting and characters, but it’s gonna be a lot of analysis on what it means through the lens of Toshiro as well, his relationship and place in everything etc etc. They have entangled drama the scale of Daltian Clan. Things are so interwoven it’s hard to keep topics neatly in their own section, because of this pictures may be relevant at several point of this but I mostly won’t be putting them in twice, you might have to do some scrolling up while reading if you want the visual proof to accompany statements. Unlike with Chilchuck’s family there’s less ambiguousness and more intricate details and implications so it’s less theorizing & headcanoning and more stringing together all the crumbs canon gave us. I also dig into some cultural parallels, especially since characters from Wa are the most culturally coded in the series. Also disclaimer that I’ll be calling Shuro Toshiro through this whole thing bc that’s his actual name & Shuro isn’t even a nickname he likes, for accuracy’s sake. The servant girls have real names but are typically called by their code/given names so I’ll call them as such, except for Izutsumi who was named Asebi which I won’t be using.

The general situation

To start off, what’s the situation in canon? All three kids of the head of the house, the three sons (Toshiro and his two younger brothers), are sent out on a vague mission to find something interesting for his father to pick the heir. Each son is thus on their own journey, out with their own group of retainers for an unsure length of time, during canon it’s been 2 years that Toshiro left the house for this mission, and they seemingly all drifted towards dungeons. It’s important to remember that this state of things is the exception and not the rule, and before this the sons lived at home and had different uses of their time, and the retainers had other jobs than care after them. See the next paragraph.

The household offers ninja services, no exaggeration or misuse of the term, mostly spyint but also "covert maneuvers" which could include anything including assassination of people high up. That’s the job of their servants/retainers at least, the heads themselves are more like managers probably, possibly samurais themselves though especially since as we see with the heirs (besides the samurai armor) they also got trained in fighting as their skills showcase. I need to dig into the history of samurais more before I can draw the parallel confidently though. The Nakamoto household is noble/wealthy, distinguished as the Adventurer’s Bible puts it, but it works for and puts its service at use for "their local lord". It buys servants, but also has families who have served it for generations like with Hien. The comic shows that there aren’t only women servants, it’s just the ones we see all happen to be because Toshiro’s retainers are only a small team of all of Nakamoto’s servants.

Above, in a page showcasing characters’ relationships with their party leader: 父親の部下を借りている状態なので、 距離がある。Doubtlessly there must be a translation of this already somewhere but I’m lazy and impatient so I turned to machine translation instead, this translates into: "Since he is borrowing his father's subordinates, there is a distance between him and them". Calling the servants retainers is what most of the fandom does and it’s accurate so I’ll be calling them this.

Hien and Toshiro were childhood friends which means the servants do have some degree of contact not even just together but with the heirs too, or maybe just specifically Hien, since both their parents were ninjas for the Nakamotos she ended up getting raised there and they let her play with him as an exception? They did end up drifting away as adults as their relationship got more professional, so it’s possible. The servants eat and sleep in shared spaces, separate from the masters, though Maizuru has her own bedroom, if the room configuration at the in is to be believed + it’d make sense since she’s governess/head servant. I’m hesitant wether to say it’s implied that this group of 4 retainers was always a bit of a team or it wasn’t and got formed for Toshiro specifically. We know that Benichidori had little contact with Toshiro before they were sent out together for example, but we do see all three girls with Izutsumi in Inutade’s extra when they were younger, and them eating in the same japanese styled room etc. The inn they stay at on The Island is western styled though they do have futons rather than beds (there’s only one bed in their shared room and Hien has it because of her rank).

From Izutsumi’s Adventurer’s Bible profile: "Maizuru, who was also Shuro's governess, is the one thing Izutsumi fears. After Izutsumi was taken in by the Nakamoto family, Maizuru forced her through a harsh training regimen of speech, common sense, and fighting skills. Since Izutsumi refused to listen to her, Maizuru set a curse on her that would activate if Maizuru didn't touch her within a set time frame: "Ninja Art: Babysitter." "

Maizuru, called a governess, is the one training the girls, at least some of them, we know for a fact she was the one to train Izutsumi for example, and in general she’s the one in charge of the ninja girls we see. She was a ninja herself but retired from frontline missions, but has a central role managing the servants instead. Inutade for example is strong but not stealthy, and it’s said that it’s Maizuru’s job to choose how to train her and what role to give her in consequence. Her training includes manners but fighting as well, notably kunais and martial arts. Hien is shown to use bombs and Benichidori is implied to be good at disguises, Inutade uses a bold weapon like a club but it’s implied with "ogres and clubs just go together" and Maizuru not knowing where to put her to use that it’s uncommon for Nakamoto servants to use those. Their board game artworks also show their specialties neatly. When brought into the household, the servants are given new names and their whole lives become devotion to the house and their duties. The names might be intended to act as code names due to them being ninjas? It’s implied that they never use their non-code names anymore once they start serving the household. Maizuru’s training also contains language and "common sense"… Critical thinking? As well as implied etiquette. This isn’t surprising, as she was the one put in charge of raising not only Toshiro but his brothers as well.

Oh yes I want to mention that all the retainers’ "first deaths" are in the dungeon during canon, considering our main cast we’re used to death being permissible because dungeons make resurrections possible, but it’s relevant to remember that these people never died before. Never. These girls are professionals, ninjas with a sometimes very dangerous job. Messing up means death, permanently.

From what we see and with who we see, the hierarchy is:

Father (head of house, his word goes)

Mother (has status which puts her wishes above others’ and give her some control over the house, it’s unsure how much though, but hierarchy wise she’s very much above the rest but below the father)

Maizuru (governess, in charge of (at least some) servants and raising Toshiro. Two dots)

Hien (leader of their squad, trained servant from a family devoted to the Nakamotos. Two dots)

Benichidori (trained bought servant. Two dots)

Inutade and Izutsumi (bought servants. Power wise from their rank it’s unsure just how much the difference between Inutade (who has one dot), Izutsumi (who has none) and Benichidori (who has two) is, since Hien is team leader between the four servants at least that’s measurable. Inutade gets some janitor duties, and Izutsumi has a curse put on her so she doesn’t run away I suppose. Power wise it’s unsure, but socially/role wise Inutade and especially Asebi are treated worse.)

I didn’t add the sons because I’m talking more generally about the power structure and it’d depend on each sibling, like Toshiro’s wants and directives during canon trump Maizuru’s, but Maizuru is also his nanny and manages the girls so she has a lot of importance and sway even on the final decisions.

The parents

I am so pissed I forgot that we know Toshiro’s father’s name, Toshitsugu, from these panels showing the progression of the family tree. I am so pissed I’m adding this halfway into writing this whole thing, I am not gonna go back and replace every "the father" by his name atm.

The father is the part of this puzzle most important yet most shrouded in mystery, or rather a lack of details. What we do know paints a pretty full and vivid portrait: impulsive and cares mainly about his own entertainment. Maizuru calls him a fool, his sons are exasperated and go "This again?" when he summons them saying that they’re boring/dull, everyone knows he’s having an affair and he often has undignified demeanor, but what he says goes so yes Maizuru will take Izutsumi under her wing, yes the sons will be going out right away into the world to find you the 8th world wonder, yes whatever you want lord. He seems to have little care for how his action affects others, like crashing into Maizuru’s room at night and asking she take care of a catgirl, or sending out his sons suddenly with kicks to the butts. He does what he wants hen he wants and others have to comply.

Like we see with Izutsumi and Inutade, he tends to take a liking to slaves here and there and buy them on the spot, usually at entertainment places, like sumo wrestling matches for Inutade and a freakshow for Izutsumi. The Adventurer’s Bible states him acquiring Inutade as "By coincidence, Shuro's father came to see her first match; he liked her and bought her for the Nakamoto family." and Izutsumi as "She was on display as a "cat-girl" in a sideshow when Shuro's father took an interest in her and bought her." In Maizuru’s extra, he calls Izutsumi a "souvenir" he got for her, and he’s drunk so it could well be assumed that buying Izutsumi was a drunken whim, and that he mitht be alcoholic. You can’t really say that he picks them out because he sees potential in them to be a ninja or would be useful, since with Izutsumi she had no fighting training and Inutade doesn’t fit the skills they seek like stealth and she has trouble fitting in. You could assign noble goals to him like maybe wanting to help or relating to the misfits, but I think with what we see of him it’s more likely that he likes to pick up "oddities", like a catgirl at a freakshow or an ogre, especially since one of the only things we know of him is he wants his sons to bring back interesting trophies from their travels. Toshiro, about his father buying Inutade, says: "People in power desire ogre as servants, and ogres are chosen as opponents in tests of strengths or military exploits. My father bought her for similar reasons."

Also from this we can infer that he goes out to events often, like circus and sumo wrestling, again mostly for entertainment from what we see. I like to think it’s implied that he used to travell maybe still does, due to his own liking for it as a test and because he visits various places like the sideshow, plus his forearm scars in Toshiro’s extra… But him being a samurai in service of a lord could definitely explain that.

This all paints an interesting picture doesn’t it… The Nakamoto’s lifestyle is super encased in rules and social propriety, duty and hierarchy. Old noble man who’s been surrounded by propriety all his life and just wants some spark of interesting stuff happening amongst the humdrum of his lavish cushioned life at home, and is shitty to people around him in consequence and due to his privilege allowing him to. He’s despicable, but from his 3 appearances he becomes an interesting well-fleshed character, at least proportionally to the screentime he gets…

We also know that the affair with Maizuru is well known at least inside the household, so there’s no genuine secrecy around the topic. Makes sense that the wife would hate her guts.

Ahh yes the mother. Little is known about the mother, except that from Maizuru’s profile "Shuro’s mother can’t stand the sight of her, to the point where there are areas on the property Maizuru is forbidden to enter. Maizuru, however, is impressed by his wife’s strength of character." From this I glean that she does have enough power/respect in the house that she can make rules like where Maizuru is allowed to go. Also the implication that otherwise Mazuru would have access to EVERYWHERE in the house despite being only a (high-ranking) servant is a bit interesting. Wether the mother’s "strength of character" is overt and hot-headed or understated and cool-headed is unsure, but I imagine the latter more. I could see Maizuru’s angle in many ways, from being able to tolerate "that fool" aka the father both just in general and with knowing that he’s cheating on her, to knowing how hard it is to be respected as a woman and admiring her putting up with it all and still being able to have sway in the household. This is I think the only mention of the mother anywhere. Doesn’t seem like she is an important figure to Toshiro at all: in fact we hear about her on Maizuru’s profile, and seeing all of this we can see the importance of her in Maizuru’s backstory and life, moreso than Toshiro’s. I imagine she’s a bit of a recluse, which is part of why Maizuru not being allowed to roam the full house is important, because them running into each other at the house is high.

It’s unsure how much contact the parents have with their kids. What we know is that they left the principal tasks of raising the kids, or at least Toshiro, to servants. Toshiro’s profile says that he’s more attached to Maizuru than his parents, and that’s the phrasing. From the comic where their father summons the sons, it does seem like they’re more or less used to interacting, with the sons’ "This again?". So it’s not that they’ve only interacted with them few times enough to count on fingers, but how meaningful were those interactions? From Toshiro’s profile we know he has a complex where he thinks he’ll never get recognition from his father or be able to measure up to him… But is that more born out of secondhand gossip and expectations, or from direct interactions with him that made him feel that way? Likely a mix of both, especially since the father does seem to be very dismissive, uncaring and insulting with his sons. Oh, but it’s definitely notable that in the Hag monster tidbit (below in Maizuru’s section) six years old Toshiro runs to his father scared shitless for help against the shikigami, and his father casually helps him without batting an eye. Toshitsugu knows how to deal with Maizuru’s shikigamis, and he does so efficiently and without any sense of worry or urgency. Although the event traumatized Toshiro and he was very scared, it doesn’t seem like his father offered any comfort, beyond just helping getting rid of it and letting him cower behind him without comment. Toshitsugu gives hungover vibes in that one imo haha. It’s shown he was already training as a ninja, perhaps this event only reinforced Toshiro’s complex, seeing his father, the samurai the achieved man who has expectations for him, so unfazed and uncaring like that.

The Maizuru situation

Let’s establish a timeline first. It’s left vague how much time she’s served the Nakamoto family for, or how she came to be in their service. The central point is that "She was put in charge of raising their children at a young age". If straight from his birth, Maizuru started taking care of Toshiro when she was 15 years old. If from toddler age, then 16. It’s uncertain if when she stopped getting front-line espionage missions, but we know it’s late rather than early despite having kid raising duties. But well, since she’s also in charge of the ninjas she’s definitely has a multitasking role even now.

The dad prob has around 5-10 years more than Maizuru, I’d say. We only see half of his face and only a good few years in the past, around ~3 years ago probably with the shuro quest and a good 7 years with Izutsumi as a kid, but visually those are the vibes I’m getting. From Toshiro’s birth, it’s possible that the father was 15 when the baby was born too? But conception would have been closer to 14 years old then, and yeah I don’t think they marry and have kids that young. Toshiro is 26 years old in canon and is unmarried, and the heir hasn’t been officially picked, so marriage and kids don’t seem to be in the family’s priorities. Even if Maizuru do say that the father would love if Toshiro brought back a wife.

Now the elephant in the room: she has an on-and-off affair with the father and it has been si for many many years, at LEAST 7 years since that’s when we see that comic of him going into her chambers about Izutsumi, and in the comic above, Hien in that panel has an ambiguous age. Regardless it’s definitely implied that it’s a long, long-standing thing. Hien’s phrasing above makes it sound as if it’s not purely physical, as if feelings are involved, "he’s head over heels for his confidante", and who knows if this relationship is part of why Maizuru was chosen to be the governess, or even hired at all.

It’s in the feud with his father that we learn about maizuru’s affair and how after learning it he started shutting her out emotionally. It’s left vague when Toshiro learned about it, Hien made it sound as if everybody always more or less knew but I don’t think Toshiro started shutting her out when he was still pretty young. Regardless, the two are implied to be linked, his dislike of his father/complex and how he stopped getting along well with Maizuru/being emotionally open with her. Is it that he now feels as though Maizuru is actually on his father’s side and not his own, that after all if she had to choose she’d pick him over Toshiro too? Or is it that, because his father’s known to be a self-centered frivolous jerk, that knowing she lets it happen, "can’t seem to shake it", he respects her less? He has an irresponsible reputation and she does give off the vibe of needing to clean up his messes, so that wouldn’t be unplausible either.

On the flipside from her perspective, since he learned she was his dad’s mistress he emotionally shut her out, which can partly explain why she’s SO fussy with him and happy at the slightest hint of happiness or compliance, like when he listens to her and eats, or maybe even being happy that he lets her help him dress and keep tidy (imo this is supported by how they interact in the page showing him interacting with all his party members). She wants to regain that closeness they once had and for her baby chick to be alright as he’s slipping through her fingers. Man so sad to think about him rejecting her when he’s the only thing in her life. She’s raised him for 26 years, no wonder she’s so attached to him, the only thing in her life she feels true unconditional attachment for. Maizuru says that she thinks Toshiro’ll be a better head of the house than the father, too. The respect and care is somewhat onesided, given freely from her side but repressed from his end. When she cares for Toshiro is when her demeanor immediately and drastically softens. She gets easily carried away when it comes to him, rambling enthusiastically or smiling widely or tearing up. Her tendency to ramble or tell anecdotes about Toshiro is shown making Hien and Benichidori go "Here she goes again…" twice through canon.

With Izutsumi’s timeline we see Izutsumi was taken into the Nakamoto household at 10 yo, and since in the comic with Maizuru and the dad she’s shown as stinky and all I imagine she arrived there the same day, so Maizuru was in charge of her since she was first here. In fact if we assumed that it’s the same day as when he bought her at the circus show, then we could assume that buying her was a drunken whim like mentioned.

Since Izutsumi was taken in at 10 and she’s 17, this would mean that Maizuru is 34 years old here. She looks younger without makeup, but lower than that is mathematically impossible besides maybe 33 if Maizuru and Izutsumi’s birthdays line up just right.

Time for the second elephant in the room!!

Maizuru’s magic

Maizuru is the only person in the Nakamoto household, anyone from Wa really, who we see using magic, I doubt she’d be the only one who can use magic in the household but as the governess it wouldn’t be unplausible I suppose. From what we see, the magic is estimated by Marcille to be an "appropriation of gnomic magic" with an eastern script. For my analysis of written magic (though with only a brief glance over Maizuru’s magic), see this post.

If you scroll up and read the little section on Maizuru’s profile, Ninja art: babysitter: "One of the curses put on Izutsumi is Ninja Art: Babysitter, which manifests as a terrifying hag shikigami. Unless Maizuru touches the victim within a set time frame, this terrible curse makes a hag appear and chase them around with a carving knife. Maizuru originally created it in an attempt to keep Shuro from getting lost, but it ended up traumatizing him…"

From Izutsumi’s profile: "Maizuru, who was Shuro’s governess, is the one thing Izutsumi fears. […] Since Izutsumi refused to listen to her, Maizuru set a curse on her that would activate if Maizuru didn’t touch her within a set time frame: "Ninja Art: Babysitter." It was put on her when she was 12. Since Toshiro had it as a kid, presumably the curse can be lifted off rather easily, Marcille was confident on reverse engineering it as well. It’s unsaid what the time frame is, it’s kept vague everywhere and Izutsumi herself says "who knows" how long it is. Izutsumi ran away despite the very real risk of it killing her. Essentially, Maizuru can put people in a timebomb collar

… MAIZURU WHAT THE HELL

As we might have expected, Maizuru being given the task of rasing a child at 15 did not go perfectly. This, a babysitting technique??! This comic happens when Toshiro was 6 and so Maizuru was 21. Interesting to note that Toshiro didn’t even know it was Maizuru’s doing before this conversation during canon, and he doesn’t know how to bring it up or deal with it how it affected him. Maizuru seems surprisingly uncaring of Toshiro’s feelings on the matter here, oblivious to his conflict her and fondly recalling it all.

This curse is a shikigami. From her profile: "A shikigami user, Maizuru has a variety of shikigami that have been sealed in paper as her servants. Her favorite seems to be Gyuki, a bull ogre." Now don’t ask me when Gyuki appears, I do not remember it. But before we go into the cultural/historical basis for this practice, let’s take a second to recognize the parallel that Maizuru has servants she keeps sealed unless useful in the moment, even despite having enough "attachment" to have a favorite. She’s the governess in charge of the other servants, and she has shikigamis, which she has used on the heir and the runt at the bottom of the hierarchy alike.

Shikigami, in traditional japanese folklore, are conjured to exercise risky orders for their masters, such as spying, stealing and enemy tracking. Shikigami are said to be invisible most of the time, but they can be made visible by binding them into small, folded and artfully cut paper manikins.

Shikigamis are from onmyodo, onmyoji is a profession-legal title historically but it’s what you call a practitioner of onmyodo, and so I feel content in saying that Maizuru is an onmyoji, or based on it. Her outfit reminds me of a shinto priest. It’s interestingly closer to a shinto priest outfit than a miko/shrine maiden’s (in picture below, 2 instead of 5), and I feel like red being chosen for the inner sleeve is a very charged decision since the white & red color combo is the shinto clothes color combo. Especially white clothes with red inner sleeve. Shinto priests can be women nowadays but they’re rare, and onmyojis can be considered shinto priests though it’s a more complex than that. Image below as example, source. Now I don’t think Maizuru has the role or prestige of a priest at all- But the association with onmyodo and spirituality is definitely meant to be made I think. Onmyojis are usually clothed similarly to this.

The babysitter ninja art seems to be based off of the hannya yokai. "They were once human women who were consumed by jealousy and transformed into demonesses", twisted by anger and resentment. Interesting considering her being a mistress to a man whose wife hates her. Hannyas are associated with wisdom because of its name, but there is nothing positive about them. At its highest level of "demonic corruption" if I can call it that, their body tend to become serpentine, fun link to make with her name being from the snakeberry plant.

Other cultural ties or symbolism on Maizuru’s character could be found in the motif of cranes due to her sleeves, in the tales of the crane wife, origami cranes (called orizuru, from deformation of 鶴 "tsuru" aka "crane". All names are written in katakanas in Dungeon Meshi, but thus if we had had the kanjis it’s possible her name would have been written with the kanji for crane), tennyos, and japanese crane symbolism in general. I thought cranes might have been associated with motherhood, but seemingly not in japanese culture at least, I was thinking of storks haha.

Ok speaking of her name. Maizuru is the name of an existing japanese city (舞鶴), meaning "dancing crane". From @room-surprise’s work in progress research paper on Dungeon Meshi characters’ names: "Maizuru is her ninja code name, and comes from “maizurusou”, which is maianthemum dilatatum, the snakeberry plant/two-leaved Solomon's seal/false lily of the valley. Lily of the Valley is a plant associated with motherhood and virtue… So Maizuru being a false Lily of the Valley implies that she is a false, replacement mother, and also hints at the way that Toshiro became cold towards her when he realized she was his father’s mistress, and not a pure, virtuous mother-like figure that he thought she was. Also, lilies are toxic to cats, which makes sense since Maizuru and Izutsumi have an extremely bad relationship." For more details I’ll leave it up to Room when the paper is ready to be released.

So some big themes of her character are: (false) motherhood, spirituality/magic, control, cranes, woman’s jealousy.

The siblings

Alriight so besides Toshiro the eldest at 26 years old, there is Toshiyuki (Toshitsuge in one fantranslation) the middle son and Toshizane the youngest (Toshikage in one fantranslation). They were all said to be raised by Maizuru. "A strange level of distance" is interesting. Why strange? I feel like this implies they do interact regularly, and that they’re all rather civil wirh each other, but they still have little bond to speak of. That wouldn’t surprise me, especially since even inside the family etiquette and propriety and rules are enforced, the summoning by his father feels very formal and they all listen to him standing in silence despite having snappy inner thoughts. It’s unsure if they were largely raised together or apart, but since Maizuru was their (at least main) caretaker/governess it implies that they were imo. They were put in competition with each other for the title of heir to the house, though it’s unsure to what degree. It’s examplified by their family all having names that start with "Toshi" that the legacy is very important and thrust upon them, cogs in a machine almost. They all think the same thing when their father summons them and has a spiel, so they’re used to the same sort of treatment and they are indeed brothers for being on similar wavelengths haha.

Toshiyuki, as seen in the comic about his retainers, the poor soul sent into Darkest Dungeon, is brattish. Rude, selfish and rather lecherous, does not hesitate to be mean to his retainers and complain he wasn’t given women retainers. Visually he looks what, 14 years old top. I wonder if Maizuru stopped using her babysitter ninja art on the heirs after it traumatized Toshiro, and if so maybe that explains why Toshiyuki Knows No Fear In His Heart™️ and that’s why he can spout off stuff like that.

The retainers for the youngest brother, Toshizane, don’t seem to be as clad in ninja gear as the other two, seems like the priority is to take care of the very young young master there? Rather than truly go adventuring and dungeoneering, perhaps. Not that it’s ever said by anyone that their quest is to go into dungeons specifically, only to find something "interesting" to bring back, but both Toshiro and Toshiyuki are shown to have ended up drifting into dungeons. Toshizane looks young, I’d clock him 8 years old personally. He’s drawn looking rather innocent, especially the headshot doodle above and in the Toshitsuge complaining about his retainers comic. ALTHOUGH on the latter, interestingly as we see with Toshiro having a smug smirk in that same panel (or alternatively a smug indifferent/uncomfortable "i don’t care about this, even though you want it so much" look which at the very least is very exaggerated from how he emotes in reality), it’s Toshiyuki’s unreliable/exaggerated vision of his brothers and it doesn’t necessaeily reflect reality, though it’s still interesting to note that that’s the vision Toshiyuki has of his brothers/the impression Toshizane gives off. That can imply juicy dynamics for the brothers, for example if Toshiyuki feels as though he’s in competition with his brothers, feels superior to them, that instead of pushing the shitty family dynamic angst onto his father he puts the blame for it all onto Toshiro. Toshizane seems maybe too young to notice the tensions and seriousness around him, maybe more coddled… IS WHAT I WOULD SAY BUT in the comic where their father send them away he’s as well-behaved and serious as the others, so clearly he has a grasp on his role.

When talking about which retainers go with who, it’s said it was the father’s choice. I’d like to assume it wasn’t an airheaded/random choice. Maybe he knew that Toshiyuki would be weird about having women in his team of retainers? And wants to forge their character or protect them in the way they need. Though how Toshiro’s party only has women isn’t only pointed out and commented on by the comic with Toshitsuge but also in the main Dungeon Meshi story, both Marcille and Chilchuck going "his party is fully made up of women", one more loudly than the other haha. So it does feel like a somewhat pointed/purposeful decision, if not that the 4 girls were already a team like I mentioned.

The other retainers

Already made an analysis of Hien and Benichidori’s relationship (+ moment compilation) here. Honestly my juices are exhausted so quick rundown:

Hien’s parents both serve the Nakamotos, so she grew up with the family and was even a childhood friend of Toshiro. She assumed he and her might end up in a Maizuru-Toshitsugu situation ‘just because that’s how things are’/‘it’d be a natural development’ if we’re to believe Hien, ahh what growing up in the Nakamoto with those role models will make you believe is normal hah, and was surprised when it ended up not in that way at all. They grew more distant with time, in good part because of the professional nature of their roles in relation to each other (truly a reversal of the Maizuru-Toshitsugu situation). She’s the leader of their lil squad, under Maizuru, she’s confident and she gets the perks, like getting the bedframe in the shared inn room. For all the details just read her page. She has two dots, showing her rank as a full fledged ninja.

Benichidori was bought, by "the Nakamotos" so we don’t know who made the final decision. She’s perceptive and submissive, her specialty is implied to be disguise. She never had much contact with Toshiro before she became part of his party. She has facial dysmorphia where she fears the judgement of others if she doesn’t wear makeup and highly values beauty, in her extra her anxiety really shows and she ends up angrily snapping at Hien. Benichidori ends up taking a big liking to Hien and from there on they’re implied to be inseparable. She has two dots, showing her rank as a full fledged ninja.

Inutade is said to worship Toshitsugu because he "saved her" from her horrible life conditions, buying her personally from the sumo matches, she’s extremely grateful to the family and is happy to do any work they give her and is highly satisfied with her current living conditions. She seems to find Toshiro intimidating, though. She was separated from her parents from before she can remember and raised as a sumo wrestler in inhumane betting matches, where her front tooth broke. It seems she has very littke ambitions and dreams besides obeying orders day to day, but after Izutsumi fled away she was happy for her and mused that she’d love to go out and find her one day. They’re so besties Izutsumi gave her a dream of her own I’m sobbing… </3 She has one dot, showing she still has to be attributed her role and earn her stripes.

Their approval rating of their leader. The highest total score from all the parties.

Izutsumi

Sighh where to even begin. Her timeline was put in Maizuru’s section of this post but the rundown is "taken away from parents and turned into a beastkin" at 6 yo (the human half of her soul), "sent to a sideshow on the island of Wa" at 7 yo and bought by Toshitsugu at 10 yo when he took an interest in her when he visited the sideshow. Maizuru put the curse on Izutsumi at age 12, so from then on she always had to not stray much far from Maizuru or risk death, it’s unsure if Inutade’s extra is from before that time, before she was 12, so she could still attempt many many tries to run away. If that’s the case, then Maizuru’s curse was very much treated as a last resort, honestly beyond everything else I can see it being a pain that Maizuru would need to touch her every so often on Maizuru’s schedule as well. The alternative is that, not unlike Kabru who had no regrets dying in a dungeon rather than staying with Milsiril, she’d risk her life to get a taste of freedom. Besides, you know, being a slave and having a timebomb collar with Maizuru’s curse, her frustrations with her life with the Nakamotos is most concisely put in the comic just up above, Inutade’s extra.

She has no dot tattoo, meaning she’s at rock bottom of the hierarchy. It makes sense, since unlike Inutade she’s rebellious and needs threats to obey orders, and even then might try shifty business.

This last part where Izutsumi tries sleeping with Toshiro is most interesting to me. So she’s sought out contact with Toshiro before, she considers him "the stuck-up guy" but she doesn’t exactly hate him. I wonder if this comic is set in the inn on The Island or back at the Nakamoto household, because if that’s the latter it implies that she could get access to his room if she’s sneaky.

Oh oh also, this is fanon but since Toshiro’s weapon is one used usually on horseback, and with the steadfast and upright character of horses I associate Toshiro with horses a bit, though this is wild fanon. What’s interesting is that the plant Asebi was named after is a plant infamous for being toxic to horses. Hehe hehehe he wears a ponytail… Hm now that I think of it hairdos have importance for samurais, should look into that.

Toshiro

God. Ok. Everything was leading up to this guy. Need to split open his head like a geode and vibecheck his brain crystals. Let’s get some interesting details out of the way first.

His weapon is a tachi, not a katana. The wikipedia on tachis is more in depth if you want, but I consider the article I linked to be in deoth and digestible. Tachis are heavier and longer blades than katanas, and make for better horseback weapons than close combat. The way Toshiro uses one instead of a katakana shows that he’s extra strong… And does make sense, since most monsters won’t fight in as close quarters as human fighters. If katanas aren’t a thing in the world yet could make a difference, since tachis were invented first, and once the katana was invented and spread tachis became something more common in higher-ranking samurais. In the monster tidbit of the Hag, it’s shown that even at 6 years old Toshiro was training and learning ninja skills, his first instinct to the shikigami besides running being to fight.

Toshiro knew that Izutsumi wanted to leave, for sure. He may have been sympathetic, if his cryptic look back at her in the ‘Toshiro interacting with his party members’ page means anything. As seen below though, him being sympathetic doesn’t necessarily mean that much. Also, Toshiro had to have known about the curse on Izutsumi, where if Maizuru doesn’t touch her once in a while she’d die. "Asebi must have ran away, leave her" can be seen as subtle support for her to gain her freedom, but it could just as easily be seen as him leaving her behind to die. Because the outcome options are 1) she gets killed by Maizuru's curse, 2) she finds a way to break the spell, 3) she finds a way back to them.

He’s very conflict averse. Wether it be in relationships like with Laios or the status quo. Will not stand up for 99% things including himself. He obeys his father quietly despite his anger and dislike. This is the same guy who can't even get himself to speak up to correct the butchering of his name, the slippery slope that got him tangled in the Laios party seemingly without resistance. It’s very japanese etiquette from even nowadays, never saying a direct no to not be rude. ALSO THAT PANEL, has Toshiro beaten an ogre before?? Is that a brother of his?? Does seem in character for Toshiyuki the most, unless Toshiro was desperate to earn his father’s attention with feats. On the right I’d say the ones in the foreground are two of the brothers, maybe the third being the one to gesture to the ogre. It’s worth noting that inheritance laws during the Edo period often made the heir the son with "the most merit".

When with a goal that’s important to him he’s fine with even starving for it. Although what we see him be like that about in canon is Falin, aka self-admittedly in the post-canon proposal comic "the first person he has liked this much", which for him I feel is like admitting she’s one of the first things he has truly wanted for himself and fought for, soo… It’s more like an exceptional freaking out moment than something that would be recurring, most likely. How disheveled he got is a testament to how much he would forego propriety and rules for people of his status for the person he cares about most. Maizuru says the first personal request he’s (ever?) made was for them to help him rescue Falin.

Which ahh yes, his crush on Falin. I do think idealization plays into it, he doesn’t know Falin that well for sure, but it’s more complex than that too. Falin is pretty and can have an ethereal energy to her, she’s caring and gentle kinda motherly which Toshiro would find soothing I imagine, BUT MOST OF ALL. She’s weird!! She’s just weird enough to allow and be charmed by!! Shuro was fully shaped by his upbringing and environment of nobility, social etiquette and whatnot. Yeah she’s weird and quirky, but still quiet and sweet-mannered enough that he’s like "Yes, she wouldn’t bring shame on my family name". And why would he be charmed by her weirdness? Because all he’s ever known is rules!! Conformity, fitting in!! Unlike the others he knows, she is weird without being overbearing as well. "Woah she’s so different… She’s kind and soft and doesn’t care about fitting in… She is out of this world, she’s free, she shows me a world where tenderness and authenticity is possible…" She’s like his comfort character. MOREOVERRR I had totally forgotten about it, but Toshiro was shown watching a snail behind a bush and losing sight of everything else (like Maizuru calling him) as a kid in the Hag monster tidbit, the moment he fell in love with Falin it was when she looked enthralled at a caterpillar and he mentions how "most girls would have screamed or recoiled in disgust", and in the beach chibis page he’s crouching and collecting shells thinking about Falin… He likes bugs and crawly critters guys, he wishes he could be cottagecore too… It’s a genuine shared interest… . Someone pointed out that Toshiro & Falin’s relationship probaboy references this japanese folk tale, and I think that’s very interesting to note.

And Maizuru is like his mom but it’s a Thistle situation where they can’t just be a normal family and normal affectionate either- and when he learns about his father having a thing with her he feels weirded out. And like. Who knows how much he even got out of the mansion. He got homeschooled. He’s distant with his brothers. The family is in shambles

Shuro’s issue is that he was taught to be perfect and have the upmost respectable behavior, so if something annoys him he has to be righteous about it and that it’s the annoying thing’s fault or moral failing. Bro just let yourself be petty sometimes it’s healthier. With the feud with his father it’s explicitly stated that the pressure and expectations of the family name weigh on him a lot.

But then, that makes his beef with Laios so understandable doesn’t it. Not justified, but explained certainly.

Laios & Shuro and the whole mess coming to a head

I’ve made an analysis of the Laios-Shuro fight from Laios’ pov before, here. This is the Shuro pov analysis. Yes yes in The Fight, Shuro is dehydrated sleep-deprived and underate, he’s majorly off his rocker, BUT his frustration and the underlying issues are still things he felt on any day and it’s interesting to note.

Toshiro has been raised from his birth with the priority of propriety, nobility, etiquette, rules, conforming elegantly, appareances and reputation are everything. He’s modest, humble, quiet, stays in his lane and bottles all his feelings up. Wait who is this loud guy coming up to me being inconsiderate and loud af?? Does he not see me blinking in morse code that I’m not enjoying this and want him to leave?? Was he raised in a barn?? He’s overbearing and rude and way too friendly- He’s weird wtf! Not conforming to basic etiquette is illegal??! And people just… Let him do whateve he wants?? He lives well, no one stops him or kills him?? What the fuck, I’ve followed rules and etiquette thoroughly all my life, and it’s thankless work I get no recognition for, meanwhile he gets to be oblivious af and do whatever he wants without getting clapped?? Resentment, frustration, dislike, anger anger anger, jealousy.

Laios might even remind Toshuro of his dad in a way, because he SEEMS impulsive and like he does whatever he wants without a care to people around him, without thinking of how it might affect them. Doing things without thinking through the Implications. And interestingly this is a bit paralleled to to how Shuro is serious, strict, and big on the duties that come with having a leader role and the family dynamic it brings, like Laios’ own father, who Laios also dislikes… Dealing with his anger towards Laios, especially knowing that Laios doesn’t mean anything bad by it like Toshiro admits, is probably very healing to him. He stops repressing and thinks through his issues a bit, realizes what parts of his life he’s unhappy with and where all the negative feelings come from. I do think he bottles up his dislike for his father a bit, he has to at least for appearances. His beef with Laios is repackaged internalized anger for his father, but it’s ALSO repackaged frustration from his etiquette-bound lifestyle. He says it himself, when Laios is like "You never told Falin how you feel…? Alright, when I can I’ll tell her for you buddy!!", "that’s the part of you that I envy". Laios’ ability to just come out and say what he wants to, what he means. He wishes he could be free of all the rules more, that he had te courage to speak out, like with Inutade, or talking things out with Maizuru, or nit having to act like he’s not angry with his father. This narrative point of Toshiro envying Laios’ ability to say things freely and being frustrated by not being able to himself is ESPECIALLY examplified by their first interactions, the basis of their relationship: Laios enthusiastically befriending him, giving him a bad nickname and roping him into joining his party, with Toshiro never turning it all down despite wanting to, too hesitant to act possibly rude.

And now is time for the laishuro addendum… Because of personal experiences it’s a bit of a sensitive spot to me so while I see timelines in which I enjoy it I’m very picky… This is all further theorizing from me btw I’m not pushing my view here onto ppl as facts, but I think there’s more interesting bits and scenarios to bite into here. Laishuro has very cute and sweet potential. I personally don’t see the "Oh wait Laios is just girl Falin… 😳" angle because to me if anything that’d just make Shuro disillusioned with Falin lol, but like yes make Shuro learn that it’s ok to be weird with Laios 🥺 They DO have differences first of all, important ones, especially from Toshiro’s perspective. Laios is overwhelming, whereas Falin is soothing. Laios is loud and asks things of him where Falin is a calm, quiet presence. Laios pushes himself onto Toshiro, whereas Falin is content on just doing her own thing in her corner alone.

Hot take but the ultimate laishuro timeline is the one where he DOESN’T bring Laios back home, because he knows he’ll be seen as an oddity and clown by his father, and he doesn’t want Laios to be treated like the tapdancing monkey there to please and entertain his father the way he himself has always kind of been. Wouldn’t inflict that onto someone he loves. He can recognize when people are taken advantage of (mostly) like Inutade, and it doesn’t settle right with him. He might be especially sensitive to it in Inutade’s case because it’s about seeing his dad in a better light than he deserves, though. His father is his weak spot, THE weak spot.

It gets me so emotional thinking about it actually because seeing Laios played like a fiddle by his father, Laios so happy to find someone who’s enthusiastically listening to him ramble and engaging, would destroy Shuro emotionally I think. Like. On one hand being like "Oh of course my dad would find Laios fun, unlike me his boring son", super angry as coping mechanism for his intense sadness of not having positive parental attention, and then on the other he’d see Laios being treated as a clown and identify with it and that would remind him of how he gets treated similarly which he’s in denial about (more or less, but since he puts up with the family rules and follows along he hasn’t given up on getting recognition. He wants his father’s approval, and he couldn’t blame Laios for being happy with it despite how hurtful that attention truly is without Laios’ knowledge), which would be such an overwhelming conflicted mess of emotions and his worldview would shatter a bit because he has to repress it all even now, and he’d have a breakdown.

And similar deal but if he brought Falin home… Bc ok yes he idealizes her and doesn’t even know her all that well, but like I said imo what he sees in her is that "Woah she’s so different… She’s kind and soft and doesn’t care about fitting in… She is out of this world, she’s free, she shows me a world where tenderness and authenticity is possible…" So meanwhile with Laios he’d have mixed feelings on him getting treated like a clown and identify with it, bringing Falin home and having her be demeaned would be like having his perfect comfort character dunked on and he gets reminded that the world can’t have anything good actually. With both Toudens it’d make his resentment towards his father even worse, he might snap. I’m not the biggest on gendered analysis tbh but Kui evidently does like to do it to some degree, with the genderbending changing their life considerably and different fantasy cultures having different gender roles and all, but Shuro idealizing the Touden sister as something perfect he cannot attain while being jealous and frustrated at Laios for being something he cannot attain is like. So compelling actually. With Maizuru’s hannya of female rage weaponized there could be a theme of pushing the blame and responsibilities of things onto women too, the responsibility to raise and to manage and to dish out the work and to clean after mens’ reckless decisions. Anyways just a tangent.

Shuro on a bad family angst day is everything I love in a blorbo… He can be a lil shitty as a treat to make his healing arc more fulfilling. Toshiro snapping after he sees how they treat Laios/Falin and he gives up the family headship to LEAVE. Maizuru arc where she has to choose between loyalty to the clan and loyalty to Toshiro, will she stay with the boy she raised or go home… To me Maizuru is much less sympathetic than Shuro, but she is pretty tragic and her selfless love for Shuro is her one redeeming quality. Babygirl take no shit no more, but also better yourself and turn your life around please and thank you… She is so evidently taken advantage of but like. What else does she have? So she just takes care of and loves the boy she raised like her own kid and goes about her daily life in servitude and doesn’t think too much about it all.

Shuro is awful a nickname but also, I think Shiro would be a good nickname for Toshiro, because it gets rid of that ‘Toshi’ first part of his name that all the male members of his family share. It severes the link to his father and the tied pressure from his family.

Laishuro brotp turning slow burn romance would be so lovely. I think college au for laishuro would be peak actually… Shuro so is the repressed "I am so normal" guy who has a furry liberation identity crisis arc… I also quite like the potential he’d have with Namari, as both work-oriented misfit foreigners cast out of their homes, and she’s also bolder so it’d be good for him, and he could bring her stability… That’s a topic for another day tho. Even he and falin are sweet tbh, they could have traveled around together even if just as friends… Bc yeah she does value him as a friend at least somewhat, she says she’ll visit him~! Mostly I want Izutsumi-Toshiro brotp fancontent.

Conclusion

The household is very hierarchy oriented, and honestly the system doesn’t seem to make anyone happy, or at least not healthily so. Sighh feudalism.

Obviously their situation are very different, but still Toshiro and Izutsumi react to the same conflict in opposite ways: when a hierarchy and lifestyle of rules and duty is thrust upon them, Toshiro obeys and believes that it’s how things simply are, always having it been drilled into him since being a baby and being privileged enough to live ok with things as they are, meanwhile Izutsumi rages and eventually breaks free and never wants to submit herself to rules or hierarchy ever again, even if that perceived hierarchy is a mutually beneficial professional party dynamic or having a role inside a well-meaning team, like Laios’ party. WHICH IS WHY THEY SHOULD HANG OUT AND HAVE AN ARC TOGETHER. LET HER INFLUENCE HIM TO GET WILDER AND THINK OF HIMSELF MORE. FUCK INHERITING THE HEADSHIP. THE SIBLINGS NARRATIVE.

As always if I find more stuff to add i’ll edit it in. Rn I’m thinking that I’ll look into ninja & samurai feudal history and try to find specific terms that might fit their roles and situations more. I should reread the first chapter with them to try and notice the hierarchy at play more, sigh, and Izutsumi’s end of the Toshiro-Izu dynamic as well.

Ah yes yes, I forgot to talk about it but we don’t know what Toshiro’s retainers have been doing with their time on The Island, especially while he was dungeon diving with Laios and co. Ah although in the anime’s ed in this shot we see them "stealthily" follow him around, so presumably when he’s not in dungeons they’re tailing his moves.

Afterword here, it has summary charts about the power structure & relationships and complementary pages and artworks, couldn’t put them in here because SIGH 30 pictures per post limit.

[sometimesanalice]

California Dreaming

Summary: At sometime past 4am, the last thing you would have ever expected was to receive a call from Bradley Bradshaw. But time is a funny thing it feels like it might be running out.

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Female Reader

Length: 5.6K

Warnings: angst and a bit In-N-Out slander

(author's note: this fic is set in the 'Like I Can Universe', but can be read on its own!)

You’re pulled from the light sleep you’d just barely managed to slip into by the sound of your phone ringing.

Although you weren’t too sure if your mind was playing tricks on you again. And in that liminal space between awake and asleep, you didn’t trust yourself to know the different anymore. Sleep and you haven’t been on the best of terms over the couple of months, and you had the dark circles under your eyes to prove it.

Your boss had told you about the chatter he’d heard about a position opening up soon at the West Coast office. It was an opportunity that would be perfect for you, minus the fact it would involve uprooting your entire life and moving across the country. You still hadn’t given him an answer yet whether he should put you forward for it or not. But you’d taken to sleeping with your ringer on just in case you were needed for anything, not wanting to close the door completely. And you’d woken up in a panic more than once thinking you’d slept through an emergency call, only to see absolutely zero new notifications.

Just when think it might have been another stress induced fluke, it goes off again.

Bleary eyed, you scramble to reach it. Wanting to silence it to not wake up your boyfriend from his more-peaceful-than-yours slumber. Only half-consciously noting it’s sometime past 4 AM.

However, it’s the name splashed across the screen that makes your heart stop.

𝗕𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗘𝗬 𝗕𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗦𝗛𝗔𝗪

You sit straight up, the crisp white sheets your boyfriend preferred pooling around your waist.

“Bradley?” You don’t even remember hitting the green button before the phone was up to your ear. “Bradley? Are you ok?” The words come out a sleepy slur all jumbled together by your sluggish tongue.

He’d texted you when he landed back on US soil; a silly selfie with crinkled bag of McDonalds in his hand and the American flag in the background. It had made you grin like an idiot when your phone had lit up with it.

You knew that he had been called back to Top Gun, but that was as much as he’d been able to tell you.

With the time difference, it makes it the hour too early for you, but also too late for him. He should be asleep right now. But you know Bradley, he wouldn’t be calling right now unless it was about something important.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I know it’s late there,” Bradley apologizes. “Or early, I guess.”

Tired. He sounds so tired.

You didn’t doubt he was still probably fighting the jetlag that came with being in San Diego after living in Japan for the last year and a half. But it was the weariness in his tone that had you concerned.

“But you’re ok?” you press. You needed to hear it.

“I…” he pauses, then sighs. “Yeah, kid. Everything’s fine.”

You blow out a relieved breath, rubbing at your heavy eyes.

“Good. That’s good,” you nod, reassuringly. Not that he can see you.

He is safe. He is ok. That’s all that matters to you.

Jack groans your name. “Seriously?” The word drips of exasperation and annoyance.

You wince. Less at its sharpness, but more at the feeling like you can’t seem do anything right lately.

You and your boyfriend have been together a little over two years now. You have a comfortable life together in Boston, nice even. But you shook the snowglobe of your relationship when you’d first mentioned the possibility of a promotion and moving, and it still felt like you were waiting for the remainders of all those stirred up flakes to settle back down.

“Give me a minute, Bradley,” you whisper into the phone, “Don’t hang up.” Your voice is so quiet you’re not even sure he heard you.

You turn towards your boyfriend, an apology on the tip of your tongue, but he’s already rolled over away from you.

A literal cold shoulder.

Your eyes trace over the exposed skin of his back. It’s dark, but you could point out where every freckle is on him with bullseye precision. Sometimes you weren’t sure if he knew you as well.

Like when he’d bring you red roses, a flower you’ve never felt one way or another about. You’d tell yourself it’s the thought that counts, that it’s the gesture that matters. But for as many times as you’ve bought your favorite flowers yourself and displayed them on the coffee table in your shared living room, Jack has never once brought them home for you.

It made you wonder sometimes if he even truly wanted you, if he cared enough to pay attention. Or if he was just content in the fact that you’d be there.

And then you’d feel guilty for even thinking that in the first place.

But you didn’t just break up with someone over flowers.

Or the way he always seemed to make plans for you with his friends without ever asking you first. Or the way he was never more attentive to you until the two of you were in front of a group.

There’s a sliver of moonlight peeking through the edges of the blinds of your bedroom. A set of curtains would have solved the issue, but you’d never been able to get Jack on board. It was something you there thankful for now as you tiptoed out of the room with just enough light to make sure you wouldn’t trip over anything.

You ease the door gently closed behind you, feeling some of the tension melt from your body.

“Ok, I’m back,” you tell your best friend.

“I take it we woke up Jack?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, padding towards the black leather couch in the living room. You fight back the hiss that wants to be released when your bare thighs touch the ice-cold material. The October chill had a way of sneaking in everywhere. “He’s got a big pitch presentation on Friday,” you say, feeling like you need to explain, “So he’s just a bit on edge right now.”

Bradley makes a noncommittal sound, something close but not quite like a disapproving rumble. You distract yourself from reading into it too much by turning on the lamp on the side table to its lowest setting. A dim glow illuminating the living room.

“Tell me, how’s California?” It’s a pivot. You know you’re trying to smooth things over; you’ve been doing a lot of that lately.

“Sunny.”

You snort and roll your eyes.

“It seems you left good jokes back in Japan,” you tease. You pull your knees up to your chest and reach for your favorite soft knit blanket, tucking it around you. “Be honest, how many things did you forget to pack this time?”

Bradley groans your name. This time you smile.

“I had to take scissors to my favorite pair of Levi’s, because I didn’t bring any shorts for the beach.”

Picturing the pained look on his face as he desecrated his favorite jeans nearly sends you into a fit a giggles. But out of respect for the fallen and your best friend’s feelings you press your lips together, the corners pulling up on their own.

You can’t resist lightly teasing him though, “Beach jeans? That sounds like a choice.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Bradley says, solemnly. The drama queen.

“Is there someone who saw you in them that I could bribe for some new blackmail material?” you ask. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten my hands on anything truly juicy.”

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, kid, but I looked damn good in them.”

This time you don’t hold back the laugh, only muffling it with a hand over your mouth when you realize that your boyfriend could probably hear you through the closed door.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Give me some time and I’ll see what I can do.”

“I’ll make some space in my Bradshaw Blackmail folder in the meantime.” Bradley’s warm chuckle in your ear makes the room feel less cold. “So what else have you been up to?”

“We haven’t had a ton of down time, but I did hit up an In-N-Out with Natasha the other night.” That was a name you were familiar with. You’ve never met Bradley’s fellow aviator and friend, but you were happy he had someone with him there that he was close to. “It was the same one I took you to when you came to visit after I finished Top Gun the first time.”

It was a fluke of fate that you’d been sent to the West Coast office for some training around the time that Bradley was on leave before being sent back to his squadron. The overlap was only for a few days, but the two of you had made the most of it.

“Who knew you were such a sentimentalist?” You lean your head back against the couch.

“It’s the closest one to base,” he justifies, “Although, you’ll be happy to know their milkshakes are still trash.”

You grin. “Hey, I never said they were trash. That was all you, Bradshaw.”

You’ve only been there the once, but it had been fun getting to experience it with him for your first time. He’d ordered more than enough food for two people, making sure to get some of the more classic not-so-secret menu items for you to try. And the Neapolitan shake had been fine, but the ones from the ice cream shop in your hometown where Bradley had had his first job were much better.

“Your face said otherwise,” he bats back.

You hum noncommittally, not wanting to concede. It was more fun for you this way, even if he was right. Not to mention no one knows how to read your face better than Bradley does.

When you don’t argue, he continues, “There’s even a rumor going around that they might want to keep some of us around longer. Like they’d form a new squadron that would be stationed here.”

You perk up, “In San Diego? You could be there permanently?” Between his deployments and moving around from base to base, you don’t think he’s been in one place for more than two years since he went to UVA. “That would be amazing.”

“Yeah, it really would,” Bradley agrees, he sounds hopeful, “But I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”

‘Hope for the best, but expect the worst’ was the motto he seemed to live by. He’d had the rug pulled out from underneath him more times than anyone else you knew.

The two of you are quiet for a moment.

You don’t want to push him into talking about whatever the reason is that he’s called so early in the morning. But no matter how many jokes you trade with him, it’s still in the forefront of your mind. And try as you might, you can’t shake that feeling of unsettledness that was resting heavily on your chest.  

Outside your living room window, the streetlights are bright against the dark sky.

You’ve told him more times than you could count that he could call you any time, but Bradley being Bradley has always made it a point to call during hours that were convenient for you, even if that meant he was still up at some ungodly hour.

But that was so him, always putting everyone else ahead of himself.

With the confidentiality that goes hand in hand with his job, you know he can’t talk about the specifics. It was something you were used to after nearly a decade of Naval service behind him.

You nibble on your lower lip, weighing your words.

“How’s it been with…” You trail off, but you know he knows who you’re referring to. You run a hand up and down your calf, trying to warm up quicker.

Mav? Pete? He’d been Captain Mitchell the last time you’d seen him back when you were in high school, you weren’t sure what his rank was now.

Mav has always been the number one topic on Bradley Bradshaw’s No Fly List. The few times you’ve dared to bring it up in the past had been shut down quicker than you think he could probably fly his jet.

Bradley told you last week in a text that had simply read He’s here. You didn’t even have to ask who he was. It had been just as much of a shock to you as you imagined it probably was for him seeing the man who had derailed his dreams when everything else in his world had already fallen apart.

It was a story you’d always thought there had been more to, but between the two of them you’d always be Team Bradley. That’s how it was supposed to be for best friends.

You can feel Bradley mulling over his answer. “It’s been… motivating.”

The way he says it you can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. And maybe he doesn’t even know himself.

You sit up straighter on the couch. “Oh?” you say, casually. Neutrally. Not wanting to let your inflection to color Bradley’s response.

Their reunion has been a long time coming, you just wished you could be there for him with this the way he’s always been there for you. Not just on the phone, but there by his side.

Bradley sighs again, it’s heavier this time. Like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s probably roughly running his hand down his face, the way he always does when he’s really, truly frustrated. Like he’s trying to free those too big feelings from trapped beneath his skin.

“I’m flying with him for the first time in my career. I want him to see why I’m here. I want to show him.” The anger, the hurt rings though loud and clear. But so does the determination. “These patches I’ve been called back are the best of the best that there is. And I’m one of them, kid. And I got here on my own, without him.”

You wait to see if he is going to continue or not, wanting to give him the space to talk through his feelings, but he’s gone quiet again.

“You’ve worked so hard for this, Bradley.”

“It was all I ever wanted,” he says, his voice rough, “To be like them.”

Like Mav. Like Ice. Like his dad.

You’d been there for the fallout. He’d been crushed when he didn’t get to go to the Academy, the self-destruction that followed had been hard to watch. You’d seen the way he had to pick up the pieces of his life. The way the boy had quickly had to become a man. Every choice Bradley has made since then has been with one purpose in mind.

He’d set out to be a Naval aviator and he’d achieved it.

“You should be so proud of yourself,” you say, softly.  “I know I am.”

You imagine Mav is proud too, but you don’t say that part out loud.

After all, he practically helped raise Bradley- in his own way.  Always calling whenever he could. Sending presents. Spending his leave time with the Bradshaws. They’d been a family.

“Sometimes-” Bradley cuts himself off, trying to collect his thoughts. You can almost feel the tormented whirlwind of them through the phone. “Sometimes,” he starts again, “There are moments, when I see him fly- it’s crazy shit that no one but him can do- and I forget. Just for a second. But then I remember and it’s like I’m eighteen and feeling like I’ve been punched in the gut all over again.”

Your stomach twists in the same way it always does when you’re reminded of that rough period in time when the two of you were just teens. And now that you’re older, your ache even more for the boy whose whole world was so turned upside down by the one person he thought would never let him down.

“When we’re flying together, I’m reminded how it could have been. How it should have been,” he corrects himself, roughly. “I thought I was fucking over it. It’s been fifteen years, kid. And I’m pissed at myself because he should be nothing to me, I shouldn’t care what he thinks.” His voice is a hoarse rasp. “Why can’t I get over it?”

It’s times like this where you can feel every mile between the two of you. Every inch of space in your long-distance friendship. And it chafes at you that all you can be is an ear for him to vent to rather than a shoulder for him to lean on.

“There’s no version of this where it wasn’t going to be tough. And I don’t think you trying to brush off who he was to you, like none of that mattered, is going to make this any easier for you,” you tell him. “Not with the history the two of you have. And you can’t punish yourself for having feelings about it.”

“I told him no one would mourn him if he burned in.” He all but blurts it out.

Your suck in sharp breath and you shake your head in disbelief, “Bradley, you didn’t.” There’s no hiding the shock in your voice.

You know there’s an unspoken code of conduct between aviators from the things you’ve picked up from the way he’s talked about his career and fellow Naval officers over the years. That when everyone’s lives are so dependent on each other to look out for one another, there were certain things you didn’t joke about. Things you didn’t throw around, not even in the heat of a moment.

“Shit, shit,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. 

You don’t know what to say to him. It’s silent in your darkened living room. The only sound is of his affected breathing over the phone.

You can’t keep dancing around things with him anymore tonight. He cracked open the door, but now you’re the one pushing through it.

“Bradley, what happened?”

His voice is strained when he speaks again, “We had a couple accidents during training a few days ago- no one was hurt.” He is quick to clarify, and you know it’s for your benefit. “It was a bird strike and they had to eject, but they were cleared to fly the next morning.” It hits too close to home all the same. You don’t worry about anyone the way you worry about Bradley. “Mav found me in the Ready Room later that night, and it was just the two of us alone for the first time since everything happened. He was talking to me like I was the kid he’d helped raise, instead of the one he’d fucked over. And then all that anger came rushing back. So I did what I always seem to do, I went for all the things that I knew would hurt him the most.”

You squeeze your eyes tight in sympathy. You’ve been on the receiving end of Bradley’s sharp tongue before. You’ve never held it against him, but you’ve also never forgotten the way his words sliced straight through you.

“I knew it was fucked up as I said it, but in that moment it felt good to hurt him the way he hurt me,” Bradley says, quietly. Every word feels chewed on, like they’d be covered in indents of his teeth. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look in his eyes, kid. I really fucked up. It’s been eating at me ever since.” He pauses and clears his throat. “I hate that part of myself. I hate that I said that to him, regardless of the shit we’ve been through.” His voice is pinched, tight. “My mom would be so disappointed in me.”

The guilt in his voice is unmistakable and it's a confession you can tell that takes a lot out of him. No one holds on to regrets- or grudges- like he does. Even if the one he’s holding it against is himself. You know this is going to be something he’ll carry around with him for a long time to come.

But it is the way he stumbles over the mention of Carole that cracks your heart open.

You had grown up adoring her. She’d been lightning in a bottle. Her smile was always the brightest in the room, and her laughter always made people stop to look wanting to be in on the joke too. There was no one quite like her.

And after she died, you’d mourned that loss too. You still carried the evidence of that love with the scar issue on your heart. But for Bradley, that was a wound that no amount of time would ever fully heal for him. Forever a reminder of who wasn’t there.

He’d already lost so much. First, his dad. Then his mom. And now with his uncle.

Bradley had told you about Ice and his passing. You knew they had come to an understanding in the after of everything. It was a relationship held together by a monthly phone call or two, and a dinner invite whenever Bradley was in town. He’d called you during one of his breaks on the morning he found out, troubled because he didn’t know he’d even been sick.

Just more time missed with someone who had meant something to him.

You didn’t want him to regret saying those harsh words without the chance to make amends. You didn’t want him to miss out on any more time with people who wanted to be there for him. You didn’t want him to shoulder around that pain and resentment anymore. A decade and a half of it was more than enough to carry that around. You didn’t want him to forever push away the one person who probably cared for him just as much as you did.

“So apologize,” you gently urge him. “Talk to Mav and apologize. For him and for you.”

He sighs, heavily, “It’s not that simple.”

Gone is the quiet girl in her dark living room. You want him to hear you. “It really is though, Bradley. Tell him. Pull him aside after class or get there early. Or take him to that bar on the beach you told me about and buy him a beer. Don’t let this be a thing you can’t take back. You can still apologize.”

“I-I don’t think I can. There’s not enough time for that now.” His words are stilted.

You feel your eyebrows pinch in confusion, “Aren’t you guys there for a couple more weeks?” He doesn’t answer you right away and you feel a chill drift across you, even under your blanket. “Does that mean you’re shipping out soon?”

“It’s why I called.” There’s something more serious in his tone, you’re talking to the Naval officer now. “We got the orders, we ship out tomorrow. Or later today, technically.”

There’s a swooping sensation in your stomach and it feels like the floor has fallen out beneath your feet.

“Goddamn it, Bradshaw. Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Your voice wavers.

“I know, I probably should have.” At least he has the good sense to admit it. “I just wanted to talk to you, like normal. Although we didn’t get very far before I derailed the conversation,” he says, self-deprecatingly. “Do you think you can give me a few more minutes of normal, kid?”

You know there’s not much you can ask, and even less than he can tell you. You’re surprised you even allowed to know this much.

But you don’t need a dossier of confidential government information to tell you that whatever he’s being sent to do is dangerous, because you’d be able to read even the most redacted version of Bradley Bradshaw. You’d known something was off from the very moment you’d seen his name lighting up your phone.

You don’t want him to feel your anxiousness, you don’t want to add to whatever else he’s currently going through. Bradley called you because he wants to let his mind relax. So if he wants normal, you can give him normal. You can give him as much as he wants, as much as he needs.

“I’m sorry for making fun of your beach shorts.”

Bradley huffs a soft laugh, “No, you’re not.”

“You know,” you muse, fighting to keep your tone light and airy, “I haven't played hooky in a while and I have some miles to use before the end of the year.”

“You want to come out here?” The suggestion works just like you hoped it would, he sounds less troubled than before.

“I could use some Vitamin D and a milkshake. Do you know a good place to make it worth my while?”

“I might. It depends on your opinion is about Neapolitan shakes though.” Your nose scrunches up on its own. “Are you making that face, kid?”

“No,” you reply too quickly.

“Liar.”

You smile to yourself. “I’ll even let you pick me up from the airport and you can finally show me that Bronco of yours in person. It only seems fair that I get to see what all the hubbub is about after I’ve spent hours letting you talk my ear off about it: V8 engine this and four-speed manual transmission that.” You do your best Bradley impersonation and earn an amused scoff from him.

He’d bought it right before he’d been sent to Japan. Ice and his wife had been looking after it for him while he was away. Bradley had even documented his reunion with it after landing back on US soil by sending you a video of it with him humming the Peaches & Herb song in the background.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Bradley says. You think he might be smiling too.

It’s all to easy for you to slip into a normal conversation with him. He asks about your mom and stepdad. You don’t mention the possible promotion, but instead tell him about the passive aggressive microwave fish debacle that plagued the entire floor for days.

The two of you talk about nothing in a way that feels like everything. And every chuckle you pull out of him feels like a victory. Your tired eyes flutter shut on their own, with them closed you can almost pretend he’s sitting right next to you, until a yawn slips out of you without your permission.

“It’s getting late, I should let you go.”

You want to keep talking to him, but you can imagine the circles that have already formed under his eyes over the last few days. “You should get your sleep. Rest up, because we have big milkshake plans…and you’re not allowed to stand me up. Got it, Bradshaw?”

“I hear you,” he promises. “Try to stay out of trouble until I get back, kid.”

“No promises.” You feel your lower lip wobble.

“Atta girl.”

You laugh. It sounds a little watery to your own ears, but you hope he doesn’t hear it. You’re grateful he didn’t choose to FaceTime you. It’s probably for the best he can’t see your face, you’ve never been a very good poker player.

“Be safe, Bradley.”

You’ve already decided that you’ll let him be the one to hang up first. You didn’t have it in you to hit the red button before he did.

He blurts out your name. “Wait.”

“I’m still here,” you answer, quickly.

You hear him sigh in relief. “I-You know you’re my favorite, right?”

“I know.” Your throat gets thick and your eyes prickle. “And you’re mine.”

“Yeah?”

Your friendship with him as always mattered the most to you. It wasn’t even a question.

“Of course. I didn’t make very intricate embroidery floss friendship bracelets at summer camp when I was thirteen for just anyone, you know.” You’d spent hours making him one in his favorite colors. He’d worn it until it fell off and then asked for another. “You’re my favorite too,” you repeat, wanting him to hear it again.

“Ok. Ok, good,” Bradley says. He lets out a slow breath. “See you soon for milkshakes, kid.”

“See you soon.” It comes out a reedy whisper.

You stay on the line until he hangs up.

And only when the screen goes black do you allow yourself to give into the emotions that had been surging up inside of you.

With the corner of your blanket, you wipe at the tears that are making hot tracks down your cheeks. There’s a hollowness that has settled in your chest that you don’t think will go away until he tells you when to book your ticket to come and see him.

It doesn’t matter that you remind yourself that he is one of the best at he does. Or that you know he’ll be with other people who are just as good as he is. In all the years he’s been in the Navy, you’ve never once heard him sound that unsure before, and it’s rattled you.

It’s not that you didn’t know there was risk every time he sat in the cockpit of his fighter jet, even if it was just to train. But this was the first time it’s ever felt like he was preparing you for the possibility that you might never see or hear from him again.

You didn’t want to imagine a world with Bradley Bradshaw in it.

He’s never once broken a promise with you, and he wasn’t allowed to start now.

You don’t know how long you sit there in the dark with only your feelings and the sound of the clock on the wall for company.

Your eyes drift towards the closed bedroom door, where you’re sure Jack is sleeping unbothered on a soft mattress between stark white sheets.

It hits you then that he hadn’t come to check on you.

It’s still just as dark outside. Only the little lamp next to the couch offers any light, as you look around your living room.

You’d liked all the exposed brick when you’d first moved in, had imagined all the ways you could soften the apartment with things to make it more cozy for you and your boyfriend. More like the two of you.

But the books on the bookcase had been carefully chosen to fit a neutral color palette, while all your favorites had been moved to the smaller one in the office. Their colorful covers hidden away. The spot where you thought some kind of landscape painting could have gone, had a photograph of a sepia-toned city hanging there instead. It was still art, but it was the kind of thing that had been made to disappear into the background.

You keep waiting to see a piece of yourself reflected in the room, some mark of you that had been left behind in the home you live in, but other than the black and white striped rug that had been too good of a deal to pass up on at a store with a no return policy, none could be found. You didn’t see any of yourself there at all.

You thought that you’d been making compromises, but it’s dawning on you that all along really what you’ve been doing is making concessions. A one-sided partnership. When all you ever wanted was to share a life with someone.

Earlier you found yourself making excuses to Bradley, but now it felt like something you weren’t sure you wanted to look past.

You are tired.

And not because it’s sometime around 5 AM now. You’re already well past the start of a new day.

You’re tired of being the one to trying to make something work.

You’re tired of being the one who always makes a genuine effort.

You’re tired of red roses.

Maybe people did end relationships over flowers. Or the art on the walls.

Grabbing your phone, you open your email ignoring all the messages that are already waiting for you, and start typing out a message. When you’re done, you read it over a couple of time before sending it off to your boss. The whoosh that follows as it bounces off the exposed brick in the quiet living room feels like progress.

You didn’t want to miss out on any more time either.

Not with the people who mattered the most to you. The people you mattered the most to.

Leaning over the arm of the couch you turn off the lamp and stretch out to get comfortable on the cushions underneath you. You tuck a throw pillow under your head and drape the blanket over you.

From this angle, you can almost pretend the city lights look like stars.

Your alarm is already set, and if you’re lucky you can doze a bit longer before it will go off all too soon.

But it’ll ok if sleep doesn’t find you.

You’re already California dreaming.

Who gave me permission to do this to myself?! Oh my heart. Don't mind me, I'm just in my angsty era. Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed these two, you can read their story from the start here!

You can read my other stories here!

taglist:

@gretagerwigsmuse @sehnsuchts-trunken  @callsignspark @notroosterbradshaw @tongue-like-a-razor @laracrofted @ofstoriesandstardust @bradshawsbitch @starryeyedstories @top-hhun-main @startrekfangirl2233 @callsign-viper @teacupsandtopgun @angelbabyange @oneelleandaneye @mizzzpink @cornishkat @alana4610 @20th-centu-fairy-girl @pono-pura-vida @donttouchmycarrots @eg-dr3amer3 @whaledots-blog @a-beaverhausen @hangmanscoming @mandolin22 @theweekndhistorybook @lilpeekabooze @high-bi-imgonnacry @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ruewrote @spiderman-stilinski @jayniebop @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @imaginecrushes @keyrani @chicomonks @artemissunn @mayempress @eddiemunsonreader

[munsons-hellfire]

How Did It End? | Lucien Vanserra

SUMMARY: He chose Elain over you, but your mates are there to help rebuild what he broke when the relationship ended.

PAIRINGS: Poly!Feysand x Reader, Lucien Vanserra x Reader (Past), Lucien Vanserra x Elain Archeron

CONTENT WARNING: SFW, heartbreak, poly!feysand, angst, fluff, happy ending

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Inspired by How Did It End? by Taylor Swift. This song is one of my favorites of TTPD: The Anthology. When I was listening to this on repeat, it just got me thinking about characters from ACOTAR, and I just thought this best fit Lucien. I hope you enjoy this!

WORD COUNT: 2.0K

Lucien Vanserra was many things, that much you knew. Before Elain had come into your lives you’d spent such a long time with him. He made you believe things that you didn’t think you’d ever had. When he finally found his mate, the last thing you expected was to hear him say he chose her. You should’ve known this day would come.

He kept you in the Spring Court even when it was falling down. And when the war was over he kept you hidden from your friend. He kept you hidden away from Feyre. You rotted away in the Human land while your lover worked tirelessly to win his mate over. You guessed that he had done so. He stood in front of you, years after winning the war.

He looked so different from the last memory you had off him. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d kissed him, the last time he held you in his warm embrace. There were so many last memories that you just couldn’t remember when they had happened. Elain was in the room, her sister and brother in law also with them.

“Oh.” Was all you could muster up, the word breaking as it fell from your lips. That single word didn’t so much as affect the male, or his mate. But you could see the pain Feyre and Rhysand held on their faces and it confused you. “When did you work it out?” You went on to ask. Lucien stepped forward, but you stepped back. You were in a home that Lucien had found for you and you knew that he’d most likely take it away from you.

“We accepted the bond a few months ago.” Elain’s voice was soft, and you understood why Lucien had fallen madly in love with her and wanted to work it out. You shook your head not understanding why they would wait so long to tell you this important information.

“I see.” You turned around and grabbed your go bag.

Even before Lucien had shown up with the others in tow you had planned to leave. But now you have more incentive to do so.

“Where are you going?” Lucien questioned, finally he spoke.

“I’m leaving.” You looked back at the male you thought would choose you over his mate, but you were wrong, so wrong. “I don’t know when what we had ended or how it ended. But I do know when I’m not wanted anymore. I should’ve left when you said you wanted to pursue another female that is your mate. I’m not her, I never will be. So I’m making this easy for you Lucien.” You walked over to the door barely glancing at Rhysand or Feyre. “You can keep the house.”

You stepped out of the house and walked over to the horse that was waiting on the side. Climbing on you took off just as the four ran out of the home trying to call your name. You ignored them all. You needed time to process the news you already knew was true. Years with him had been wasted, they were nothing. You were nothing to him but trash to toss aside.

Tears slipped down your face blurring your vision. But it didn’t give you a reason for you to stop. You continued on until you were finally back in Prythian. You’d ride until you could make it out of the Spring Court, hopefully you could avoid Tamlin’s guards. Though it was nice to see that he had finally been able to rebuild his Court. You didn’t make it far into the Spring Court when said guards appeared surrounding you and stopping your horse in its tracks.

You released a defeated sigh, held your hands in the air and dropped your head. There was no fight left in you, not right now at least. The guards dragged you deeper into the Spring court until you were face to face with Tamlin himself, though he wasn’t alone. A female stood by his side, you didn’t know who she was.

“High Lord.” You whispered, bowing your head to him. You were afraid of what he might do considering what he’d done in the past.

“I heard what happened. I’ve alerted Feyre and Rhysand of your arrival in my Court.” Tamlin’s voice ran through your ears and that was the last thing you’d expected him to speak to you.

“W-What? Why?” You were confused, so utterly confused. The female stepped forward, a soft smile on her face.

“Your mates are worried about you. You left in such a hurry they didn’t have a chance to get to you.” She answered. Now you were even more confused.

“My love, I don’t think Y/N knows that they’re mates.” Tamlin’s green eyes were on the female you assumed was his mate or maybe his lover.

“Rhysand and Feyre aren’t my mates. It’s not possible. I can’t have more than one mate.”

You were still processing the new information when Rhys and Feyre winnowed into the room. They were here with you in the Spring court. Both High Lord and Lady kneeled in front of you. Each reaching out with one hand to caress your cheeks.

“It is possible. It’s rare, but a mated pair of three, or a triad is very possible.” The female said.

“My mate, Luna, she’s spent most of her life researching mates and how bonds truly work between the Fae. She was the first one to notice that Rhys and Feyre were missing another part of themselves.” Tamlin spoke, Luna, the female you now knew to her be, gave a nod of approval to her mate’s words.

“When?” You asked.

“We truly didn’t know until Luna talked to us.” Rhysand whispered, keeping his violet eyes gazing into your eyes. He was searching for something in them, maybe searching to see if you’d run away again.

“But you have a family.” You just wanted to call it quits, you wanted whatever pain you were feeling to just be over.

“Yes, we have a family but it never felt complete. And now we know why.” Feyre said.

“Why?” Your lips trembled, afraid of the words that either might say. Too much had happened today, it was exhausting.

“Because you weren’t in it, you weren’t a part of the little family we have. Lucien kept you hidden from us. He thought Elain would truly reject the bond and he’d come back to you. We’d spent so long trying to figure out what was missing. And when he mentioned going back to you, we felt a tug but we didn’t understand any of it.”

“Why now?”

“Because you deserve to be happy too. Lucien knew that you’d run, we asked Tamlin to keep an eye out for you. We had to talk to you, to tell you what truth we had learned.”

“I can’t. I can’t.” You cried out. You stood up and backed away from them. “It’s not possible, this…” You cut yourself of staring at Rhysand and Feyre. They were hiding the hurt, but you could feel their pain. That was new, so new and it was overwhelming. “I just want to lie down.” As you said the words you felt your legs give out beneath you. However Rhysand was clutching onto you before you hit the grass.

“Let’s go back to the Night Court. You need some rest and time to heal before we discuss this.” Feyre whispered to you. You nodded, your hand gripping onto Rhysand’s arm tightly. Almost afraid that he’d disappear. He picked you up from the ground, your head rested on his chest. Feyre nodded her head and he disappeared.

“Thank you.” Feyre whispered to Tamlin and Luna. Tamlin gave a nod of his head while Luna stepped away from him and walked closer to Feyre.

“Y/N, will need both of you. This is going to be a lot.” Luna said.

“I know. Rhys and I will do everything to make sure that Y/N is comfortable with this. It’s going to take time, I know that much is true.” Luna smiled in understanding. Then Feyre said her goodbyes winnowing back to the night court.

───── ☾☾☾ ─────

Months had passed and you were still in the same state you’d been in since Rhys and Feyre had brought you home. They were worried about you now more than ever, not sure how to fix what Lucien had broken. You knew the bond had snapped for you but you will still try to process everything. Trying to process the fact that not only did you have one mate but you had two mates. They were High Lord and Lady and they had a son together. You didn’t understand how you could fit into their family when they had such a perfect family already.

Nyx had helped when they’d bring him in to visit you. You already had a bond with the child and sometimes it was hard to put Nyx down to sleep because he’d cry for you to be the one to put him down for a nap. But you were still so scared that you’d mess it all up, that you’d be abandoned again. Just like your parents had abandoned you, and just like Lucien had abandoned you.

You were so lost in your thoughts, stuck in your mind that never seemed to go to sleep when you needed it to, to hear the door of your room open and close. Rhys and Feyre thought it was best for you to have your own room until you were ready to take the next step. The relationship between the three of you was on your terms. A sob left your lips feeling the bed dip down on both sides. Feyre lied down in front of you while you hugged your blanket tightly. Rhys pressed his body against your back.

“We’re here for you Y/N.” Feyre whispered, a sad expression etching onto her face.

“I know.” You whispered, closing your eyes. Rhys and Feyre had been trying to get into your mind since you’d come home with them, but your shields were strong. You also weren’t letting them get into your mind, not yet anyway.

“It’ll be okay, love.” Rhys whispered into your ear.

“I just don’t understand how it ended, I mean I understand it. But there were never any signs, I never saw it coming.” You whispered, letting your tightening grip on the blanket loose. Feyre finally closed the gap between you and her, Rhys lifted a wing and covered himself, you, and Feyre with it in protection.

“Sometimes the relationships we thought were meant for just end without any signs. Sometimes there are better things out there for us.” Rhys said while Feyre nodded in agreement.

“Will it ever get better?” Rhys kept his gaze on both of his mates, though his eyes lingered on Feyre for a brief moment.

“Eventually, it will. All you can do is take it one step at a time. Rhys and I will be here through that process. When you're ready to accept the bond we’ll accept it. If you’re not ready then we’ll wait until you are.” Feyre paused, her eyes found yours and she could see the shock that was on your face. “You are worth every moment, worth every shared memory, worth waiting for.” Another sob escaped your lips.

“I don’t want to be abandoned again.” The fear of what had truly happened to you finally left your mouth. Feyre and Rhys wrapped their arms around you and huddled closer.

“You will never be abandoned, not by us. Not ever.” Rhysand said sternly.

“Promise?” You switched your gaze from Feyre to Rhys waiting for them to take back what they’d both said.

“We promise. You’re our mate, and we are yours. We’re in this together until the end of time. Until the Mother decides that our time is truly at an end.”

You gave a soft smile, though your lips were trembling and tears were slipping free. It was going to be a long journey but you knew you’d be able to come to terms with the past and move on for a better, happier future. And with Rhys and Feyre by your side it didn’t seem so scary anymore.

[elains]

Azriel's association with Enalius, what it means for his arc and Illyria

This is something me and my friends have talked about off tumblr, but I wanted to write my own post about it and gather my thoughts. But here, I'll discuss a bit Azriel's character and how the revelations we witness in House of Flame and Shadow will be important to his character. (+ a little bit of Emerie).

What do we know about Enalius? From ACOSF, Emerie provides us with a little exposition when they are in the Rite, when the Pass of Enalius is brought up:

Long ago—so long ago they don’t even have a precise date for it—a great war was fought between the Fae and the ancient beings who oppressed them. One of its key battles was here, in these mountains. Our forces were battered and outnumbered, and for some reason, the enemy was desperate to reach the stone at the top of Ramiel. We were never taught the reason why; I think it’s been forgotten. But a young Illyrian warrior named Enalius held the line against the enemy soldiers for days.

Now, from the Crescent City crossover, we learned that Truth-teller and Gwydion are twin blades. They are a pair. According to the Silene History Lesson, the dagger used to belong to her father's (Fionn's) dear friend, slain during the war. A bit later, when they find Vesperus, she confirms that this friend was Enalius:

The Asteri’s eyes flared with recognition at the long blade. “Did Fionn send you, then? To slay me in my sleep? Or was it that traitor Enalius? I see that you bear his dagger—as his emissary? Or his assassin?”

Immediately before that, she also confirms that the Asteri crafted (which can either mean created, shaped forged, but we are going with created) the Illyrians:

The Asteri’s blue eyes lowered to the dagger. “You dare draw a weapon before me? Against those who crafted you, soldier, from night and pain?”

From everything, we can conclude this: Enalius was the original wielder of Truth-teller before Fionn and Theia, a dear friend to Fionn, and someone who pulled the ultimate sacrifice to keep the Asteri/Daglan from reaching the top of Ramiel. He was a traitor to the Asteri, a rebel against his masters and everything they stood for.

Enalius is the hero most Illyrians strive to mimic, the legendary figure who they all hope to one day surpass. He's a symbol of their people, even if so much about him has been forgotten — the fact that he had a dagger, Fionn's friendship, what the battle was for, maybe even how he was as a person. Brave, for sure. Willing to die for the cause.

And it's Azriel who bears his dagger. Azriel, who has such a complicated relationship with his Illyrian heritage and loaths it - and by extension, himself - is the one with this enormous legacy right at this hand. And this matters.

Still in ACOSF, we have Rhys talking with Cassian and wanting him to play Courtier, the following exchange then follows:

“What, we’re doing some role reversal? Az gets to lead the Illyrians now?” “Don’t play stupid,” Rhys said coolly. Cassian rolled his eyes. But they both knew Azriel would sooner disband and destroy Illyria than help it. Convincing their brother that the Illyrians were a people worth saving was still a battle amongst the three of them.

Azriel hates the Illyrians for what happened to him and his mother and his dislike for them is, to a degree, understandable. The thing is that Azriel, no matter how much he loaths it, is Illyrian. Maybe he's more than that (as it's pointed that Az is different in a lot of ways and Bryce wonders if he is Starborn), but at heart, he's Illyrian. Siphons, leathers, fighting, being Carynthian, his wings, his scabbard and the dagger it holds.

It was healthy, perhaps, for Az to sometimes remember where he'd come from. He still wore the Illyrian leathers. Had not tried to get the tattoos removed. Some part of him was Illyrian still. Always would be. Even if he wished to forget it.

Being Illyrian is part of who he is and his deep hatred for them only fuel his self-loathing. He would like to set himself apart, but he is not.

We can actually draw a direct parallel between Azriel and Bryce with how they regard the Fae vs the Illyrians. Bryce loathes the Fae and for most of HoFaS, she believes they are evil, corrupt, power-hungry and quite generally, not worth saving. She would leave them all to burn. Sound familiar?

And Bryce is wrong. Sathia challenges her notion, pointing out that she's laying judgement to all fae and that is hardly fair. What the one who don't deserve it? Herself, yes, but Flynn, Declan, and Ruhn himself? Do they deserve to burn too? Bryce herself acknowledges this:

Urd had sent her there to see, even in the small fraction of their world that she’d witnessed, that Fae existed who were kind and brave. She might have had to betray Nesta and Azriel, trick them … but she knew that at their cores, they were good people. The Fae of Midgard were capable of more. Ruhn proved it. Flynn and Dec proved it. Even Sathia proved it, in the short time Bryce had known her.

And this part here sums up quite neatly:

Fire met starlight met shadows, and Bryce loosed herself on the world. It ended today. Here. Now. This had nothing to do with the Asteri, or Midgard. The Fae had festered under leaders like these males, but her people could be so much more.

There are Illyrians who are kind and brave and break the mold. We see this with Emerie, who is also a woman. We see that with Balthazar, Cassian. The main point stands, though, that you cannot judge or condemn an entire race for the bad apples.

Azriel is wrong, just as Bryce was wrong, and his journey will be also to realise that his people are worth saving. They were created of night and pain (words that Azriel embodies, being a master of shadows and a torturer), but that is not everything they need to be. They can be more than soldiers. They can thrive.

And I believe this was something Enalius himself came to the believe, long ago. His people deserved more than to be slaves to the Asteri, forced to give them their power when need be, bred to live and die for them. They could be more. And Enalius died to free his people from their chains.

Is Azriel Enalius's blooded descendant? I'm not sure, but he doesn't need to be. Azriel is Enalius successor because he will finish what was started. He'll uncover the secrets of the past, what his people were in truth, what Enalius rebelled for, what he stood for, what the Blood Rite truly means - which he only got a glimpse of.

And this is where I think Emerie will also come in. She's s one of ACOSF most relevant characters and the first female Illyrian to be Carynthian. I think Emerie will also become an inspirational figure to the Illyrian women, another of these what they coud be. What they can be. And more importantly and that is just a theory, what they were.

Orestes was a warrior. What if so was Carynth and she was woman? The name always struck me as similar to Carina, which is the name of a constellation and commonly used by women. It would be ironic and another shaking revelation to the Illyrians that Carynth, for whom their greatest warriors are named after, was a woman.

Does that mean all Illyrian women must become Valkyries? No, but some might wish to follow this path whilst their society takes its time to catch up. They already shook the status quo and with Nesta poised to have a big role (andthe Valkyries along her), they will continue to do so.

Azriel will uncovered the lost history of Vesperus offered him all the clues he needed to start looking. His journey to find out this secrets will lead to him facing his own demons, confronting his loathing for his people and, in doing so, he will make peace with himself.

[thebestandrealestever]

~SHES MINE PT. 1!~

miles e42! x black fem reader

sum: your one year anniversary is very important to miles, he wants to spend every second of it with you. literally.

warnings : n word, cursing.

genre: TOOTHHH ROTTING FLUFF, miles being the softie he REALLY is.

a/n: what the fuck is up youtube! welcome back to my channel with another BANGER!! this heavily unedited so ignore any typos 🧎🏽‍♀️, sum short for rn bc i’m writing that miles, gwen and hobie story .

˚ʚ ꨄ ɞ˚

miles gonzalo morales loved 3 things.

his mom, his uncle, and you. he would never tell you that you moving from chicago to new york quiet literally saved his life. his fathers passing ripped his heart apart, his soul. in a way you were the angel that glued them back together, but of course he wouldn’t tell you that, until your one year anniversary rolled around he had a change of pace , he wanted to show you how much he loved you.

i never felt so alive. catch me, don’t move .

catch me, don’t you

catch me, i’ve fallen in love for the first time.

“hey miles is that u?” you said shifting over to check the time on your phone 12:00 AM. you sat up in your bed criss crossing your legs as miles stood idly in your window , you couldn’t see his facial features because it was pitch black in your room the only thing helping your vision was the lighting illuminating his figure. he took his shoes and jacket off placing it on your desk chair, then walked up to you and leaned down to give your forehead a soft peck

“hey baby” he said. he sat on your bed looking at you until you broke the silence “its late u okay? also happy anniversary my heart.” you said leaning forward to kiss his soft lips you adored, it lasted for a long time. after he pulled away to catch his breath , he cleared his throat sitting on the edge of the bed looking around the room, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to. you looked at his side profile trying to read it to get a sign of what was going on. he got up and walked over to his jacket and pulls what looked like a small box. you turned on your lamp that sat on the nightstand next to your bed. he sat back down on the bed criss crossing his legs mimicking your position. you tilt your head slightly at miles silence, staying quiet not wanting to interrupt his train of thought.

i wanna cry, and i ain’t even tryna fight it.

don’t wanna die, cause now you’re here and i just wanna be right by your side.

“(name), i love you, you know i love you but this kind of love..” he grabs both your hands with his, he breathes deeply trying to hold his tears down his attempt failed as he lets his emotions win , showing his vulnerable side, you’ve only seen it a couple times so you knew whatever he was going to say he meant it. “it’s different, scary. i’ve never felt this way about a girl before , anyone before.” he pauses trying to navigate his feelings and wipe his tears from his face. you want more than anything to kiss him till your lips bruise but you let him finish his unprepared speech.

“i can’t really describe it, you have such an intense effect on me, (name) you changed my life. you saved my life. and i want to promise you something, i promise to always love you. i promise to be honest and good to you. i promise my heart and soul to you , all of me.” as he says this you allow tears of pure love leave your eyes not even trying to wipe them away. miles and you love each other, differently from all the other 15 year old couples. differently from any couple really. he stares into your eyes before snapping out of his thoughts like he remembered something suddenly.

“so um, i got you something.”

he hops up from your bed speed walking to chair he laid his jacket on, he walks back with a small jewelry box. your eyes squint trying to see it in the dark room. he opens to box to reveal the prettiest ring you’ve ever seen.

while i’m too scared to expose myself it turns out, you know me better than i know myself. better than i know myself, well how bout that?

“miles” you gasp muffling the cracks in your voice with a hand over your mouth in shock.

“it’s a promise ring, not to claim u or anything. and i have so many more gifts for you and i got the whole mf day planed out fo-“

you cut him off with a soft and sweet kiss.

“that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” you pull away crying softly, but harder than before.

“i love you too miles. more than anyone, the kinda love we have it-it makes me wanna be a better person, it makes me wanna tell you all my secrets, my pain,my hopes,my dreams. you’re one of the few things that remind me that life isn’t so bad.” you say through soft sobs as he hugs you before holding your face and wipes your tears kissing your forehead.

she gets him (you get me)

she hugs him (you kiss me)

you tell me that you miss me, and i believe you. i believe you.

“come on ma, don’t cry.” he sniffles, letting your face go to pick up the jewelry box and put it on your ring finger, *this must’ve been why he told you to get your nails done* you think admiring the purple tinted heart cut diamond on your finger.

“i got myself one too, it has your name engraved.”

he shows you his silver ring and you lightly chuckle at it, amused at how much this boy loves you, to think a year and some months ago you didn’t even know his name. you lay your foreheads together almost like your souls were connected. you felt happier with miles than you did with anyone else.

“you wanna watch princess in the frog (or any other movie if u don’t like that one) ?” miles ask breaking the silence and scooting up on the bed to sit next instead of infront of you putting his arm around you.

“nigga. whenever i ask you always say we watch it too much” you roll your eyes at him

“roll your eyes at me again they gon get stuck up there .” he jokes while kissing your temple.

he turns on the movie and you only get through about 25 minutes of it, falling asleep in each others arms.

catch me i’ve fallen in love, for the first time.

˚ʚ ꨄ ɞ˚

[blackopals-world]

Do you take fanfic request? This isn’t my own yuu but I’d love to see your vet!yuu taking care of the Savanaclaw boys but when they’re suddenly turned into their kids selves!

Okay, I have time.

Vet!Yuu x Leona, Ruggie, and Jack (platonic bc babies)

The job of a resident vet is never done. The constant calls to Savanaclaw for almost every task involving health checks, shots, and sprain takes the life out of you. Couple that with the most uncooperative patients and you get exhausted.

The school nurse had handed their duties off to Yuu so they didn't collapse after another beastman ran from their scheduled vaccination.

But now Yuu had three new things dropped on them. Leona, Ruggie, and Jack all had been affected by a potions incident (when is it ever not). Until Crewel came back with the antidote Yuu has to watch them.

Leona was about 3, Ruggie was 2 and Jack was somewhere around 10-12 months.

Yuu began preparing food for around the clock feeding. Mainly shredded meat for Leona and Ruggie and a mixture of milk and blended meat for Jack to make wetfood.

Leona

It's not too bad actually. Lion cubs sleep about 20 hours a day and only wake to eat and play. Leona was already lazy as is so it shouldn't be too hard.

Leona's hair was much lighter than it was before. It was a tawny brown with spots. His hair was also much shorter since he had yet to grow his mane.

He couldn't even growl when he demanded to be fed and all that came out was a squeaky mew.

Yuu remembered how Leona's sister-in-law and brother gushed about how cute Leona was as a kid and they had to agree.

Leona was much more cheerful than before and eyed everything with curiosity and challenge. He'd eagerly explore and claim everything. And when it was nap time he'd roll on his back and sleep with his arms wrapped around himself.

Yuu had learned that Leona would only stay put when he was awake if Yuu ordered him to. Like a mother lion hiding her cubs in the African bush Yuu would place the wondering cub somewhere safe while they got food to bring back.

Leona would use Yuu to play fight as he nipped Yuu's ears after climbing on their back and would search for Yuu's tail to bite. He was frustrated when he couldn't find a tail.

Leona was jealous of the other cubs and would constantly get in the middle whenever Yuu picked up and take care of the others.

Yuu's patience wasn't limitless though and after Leona got too close to Ruggie he was placed in front of a TV with Jack to watch Bluey. Only for Leona to pin Jack down to play fight. Jack squirmed and yipped under the older lion before crying.

He got snatched up by the scruff because he was too big to be wrestling with the pup.

Yuu thought it would be best to call Leona's family to watch him. They were elated to spoil him all over again. They really missed their cub.

Leona didn't want to leave and protested until the queen chuffed at him to follow.

Ruggie

Oh no.Nonono! Hyena pups are dangerous.

Ruggie might be mischievous but he's harmless. But as a pup...

Yuu immediately did the responsible thing and built a barrier between Ruggie and the other cubs. Hyenas do best as only children ironically.

Say what you want but Hyenas are born aggressive. In fact, when they are born they will begin attacking their littermates, especially those of the same gender and they will kill each other. This means less competition for food. They are social animals which means showing dominance is important from birth.

There's also the fact that their bite is literally worse than their bark. Ruggie would gladly bite Jack's fragile neck the moment the barricade goes down. Jack was currently the smallest of the three and an easy target.

Ruggie isn't being murderous and his intention isn't to hurt anyone but Hyenas are built differently from the rest. Stronger jaws, thicker skin, and high immunity makes him dangerous on principle.

Yuu had seen caretakers separate many hyena litters to keep them safe and Yuu knows its only responsible. No amount of whining from Ruggie will convince them to set him free. He stays in baby jail.

Ruggie was dangerous cute though with this hair much darker and his tiny yips. That is until Ruggie wanted Yuu to know he was hungry.

Unlike the others who had cute little mews and whines, hyenas had a unique sound to get mom's attention. It's called Squitting and the sounds like nails on chalkboards but worse. And Ruggie is a loud pup. Its the equivalent to psychological terrorism until Ruggie is fed and ironically not just any food will do.

Ruggie saw Jack getting hand fed earlier and demands the same. (Hyenas only get what they want with boldness) Yuu gives in as they dodge the pup's every attempt to chew up their fingers.

Yuu was exhausted and took a nap when Ruggie finally went to sleep only to wake up when the hyena managed to lure Leona to where the makeshift baby cage was. Ruggie clearly wanted to do more than nip this time.

After removing the lion cub, Ruggie was given stuffed animals to rip apart instead. Many toys were beheaded that day.

Jack

A normal one thank god! Okay, not normal but certainly contained.

He was younger than the other two and while he can crawl he wasn't walking. He couldn't cause any trouble.

Jack had slightly darker hair at his age and bright blue eyes. They would change when he got older. He also clearly couldn't see or hear well yet. His ears were still curled.

Okay, that last part was not true. Jack wasn't a biter but he would nibble on Yuu when he got hungry. He was clingy and because he was younger than the others he'd get preferential treatment. Leona and Ruggie hated that. Every time Yuu picked him up the others began fussing and yelling. But if Yuu put him down Jack would begin crying and howling.

When it was time for Jack to 'go' Yuu had to massage Jack's belly to encourage him. Yuu wondered if it was the same for human babies because they were surprised by how well it worked. They would also hold this over Jack's head that they changed his diapers.

When he wanted Leona's toy he'd roll around and whine while trying to take it. It's normal behavior for a pup.

Wolf pups are spoiled by the pack. All older members give into their whelp's desires and Jack wants Leona to give in. This "Puppy privilege" won't work on Leona though who hissed at the pup.

When that didn't work Jack whined for Yuu to get it for him which didn't work. Jack tried his best though as he nuzzled into Yuu's body. Yuu gave him a different toy instead.

Thankfully Jack didn't get attacked by the others and went to sleep.

End

Yuu thanked any merciful deity when the boys turned back. They had no interest and raising them.

Human or beast babies are trouble especially ones with instincts to cause trouble. They are lucky they were cute.

[muzzleroars]

I'm sure you've seen that post about Gabriel finding out how V1 sees him, this post in case you haven't, it's pretty funny.

I was thinking though, what about the opposite of that? What if when V1 and Gabriel were in a safe space together V1 chooses to crank up it's graphics and look around. Partially since it gets a chance to actually look at how things are without having to worry about someone getting the drop on it in such an inefficient state but also so it can look at Gabriel in his entirety. A kind of love language exclusive to machines.

It's most likely that V1 probably wouldn't be able to articulate what it's doing to Gabe or that it's a form of trust/compassion, but what would Gabe think of it anyway?

GOOD POST....and yes i absolutely love this little thought...v1, as a war machine, likely doesn't even consider its capacity to have improved "eyesight" and would never otherwise utilize its higher resolutions. it's set at what it considers to be optimal, not only as it conserves its power properly but also because simplifying its field of vision is actually highly beneficial to the chaotic combat of hell. but being with gabriel makes it consider a whole world of things it never could before, its mind growing rapidly in unexpected trajectories and producing thoughts and feelings of a complexity far beyond what it was ever meant to be. and something like this, though it seems small or simple, is relinquishing its capacity to fight in that moment which should be against every protocol v1 has. yet gabriel takes its priority, overriding such concerns to be deemed more important...to be deemed safe from combat-readiness. it sees him in full clarity with a rush of its vents, hot air blasting through fans as gabriel as he truly is renders in its vision - the radiant gold of heaven, the pearlescent armor highlighted in luminous rainbows, gabriel himself gently lit from the inside in a form so solid yet gently shimmering as though on the edge of being a mirage. his wings and halo are unlike anything it's seen, light made manifest, air and glass melded together into brilliant blue hues that contain an entire spectrum within them when they shift - he is full of light and color, and all it wants is to process every pixel of him when it sees what's it's missed all this time.

gabriel is a bit worried at first, v1 going so still and so hot never being a good sign, but soon it's looking all around him in different angles, taking him in enthusiastically enough it's no longer too concerning just. unsettling lol it's hard for v1 to explain this to him when he demands to know what's gotten into it, but once it's able to offer a basic idea of how its visuals operate...gabriel is quietly stunned. v1 is so different from himself, from anything god had made, and he had never considered how it sees the world. how special it is to see it now, taking up so much of its capacity just to look at him, to know that it cares to see nothing else in its true reality but him. he even asks it if there's anything else they might look at, but v1 just flippantly shakes its head, that nothing else is worth the effort. what does it care about the world? and for gabriel, that's striking...to be the one thing in the world that v1 wants to remember in true detail, that he will stand out in its mind against a backdrop of polygons and textures clearly divorced from their realities. so he lets it take all the pictures it wants, and his wings show how they can change their color with a very true, very unique sense of love.

[uriekukistan]

alright i've been seeing so much megumi hate recently, and especially after the new chapter (not on here, mostly twitter youtube and tiktok), so as president of the megumi defense squad, here is my dissertation defending him against the bum allegations.

i've seen a lot of people comparing megumi's situation to yuuji in shibuya, and saying that megumi should be able to "just get up and keep fighting," so i'm going to tell you why this is not a fair comparison, and give some context on yuuji's "recovery" from shibuya that i feel people are missing when they say this. this is quite lengthy, sorry in advance

i. fundamental differences in the ways in which yuuji & megumi view saving people

yuuji wants to save everyone. he wants to save as many people as he can because of what his grandfather said to him on his deathbed. this is what kickstarted the events of jjk. if yuuji hadn't felt this way, he never would have eaten that finger to say some guy he met an hour ago, which is another point. yuuji cares for people easily. he threw his life on the line to save megumi immediately after meeting him. he mourned junpei, who he spent all of a few hours with in total like he had known him for years.

this is very different from megumi, who both does not get attached to people easily, and does not care to save everyone. he only cares to save people he deems worthy, and as far as we know, this list consists of only tsumiki and yuuji. its even unclear if he feels this way about nobara or gojo, despite them also being relatively important in his life. as you can see, when he thinks about saving people by his conscience, the only two characters shown are tsumiki and yuuji.

this is why he sometimes gets some criticism for not doing a half-assed job as a sorcerer, but i think its important to remember that he does not actually want to be a sorcerer, only doing it out of necessity to keep tsumiki from the zen'in clan. the times where we do see him taking things seriously are when yuuji and/or tsumiki's lives are what's at stake.

so in shibuya, after watching his own hands slaughter innocent people, and watching nanami and nobara die, yuuji is able to keep going because there are still more people who need to be saved, and he wants to save everyone. in contrast, megumi has watched his own hands kill one of the two people that he cares about saving, and severely maim the other one, so what is there to keep fighting for, given the way he views the world?

and i think it's also important to note that megumi has not been aware of his surroundings since sukuna v yorozu, so saying that he should get up now to save yuuji is not reasonable because he doesn't even know yuuji is there.

ii. the environment yuuji was in in shibuya vs the environment megumi is in right now

now none of that is to say that yuuji did not also break down and want to give up in shibuya, because he absolutely did (actually, im not sure if this is canon or just my theory, but the reason he did not switch back with sukuna at the detention center was because he wanted to give up), but the circumstances were way different

within minutes of watching nanami and nobara die, todo & nitta were there to encourage him and get him back on his feet (most of that was due to todo, but nitta was also telling yuuji not to lose hope).

meanwhile, megumi has been alone for over a month now, save the few seconds in 251 where i'm pretty sure he didn't even know yuuji was there, with nothing but his own misery to keep him company. sukuna took over his body and killed tsumiki with megumi's technique on november 16th. the shinjuku showdown takes place on december 24th. that's over a month stewing in guilt and mourning with no one to support him at all. that makes it a lot more difficult to bounce back quickly like that.

iii. more context on yuuji

even after todo's little pep talk that gave him the strength to get up and finish mahito off, yuuji didn't just "bounce back" and stand up to keep fighting in the way people think he did. in the days following the shibuya incident, he was really directionless, probably a bit reckless, because he genuinely didn't know what to do with himself, and didn't know if he even deserved to be alive. in my personal interpretation of yuuji immediately post-shibuya, if it weren't for choso, he would have likely lost his life, as he just showed a lack of self-regard in those days following. just one example:

it's not until megumi shows up again that yuuji finds a direction to go, and even then, he's operating with the mindset that once everything is over, megumi and tsumiki are safe, and gojo is unsealed, he will die and stop causing trouble for everyone.

so again, i think the megumi/yuuji comparison as a way to hate on megumi is not fair, both because there are important differences in the way they think and their situations, and because yuuji's reaction post shibuya isn't quite as resolved and strong as people make it out to be. this is not to say that yuuji is not strong! he absolutely is, just to point out that he, like megumi, was/is also lacking the will to live, and there's nothing wrong with that! wanting to give up is a completely reasonable reaction to being in this situation as an ADULT, let alone at 15 years old.

if you've made it this far, thank you for listening to me ramble 🙏 pls let me know any of your thoughts as well, i'd love to chat about this!

[damagedintellect]

Fyodor x reader x Nikolai [Rich kids AU]

💌 Days of our Bungo : Part 1 💌  

Summary: All of your fathers made a pack that whenever they had kids they would marry each other. It sounded like a good idea at the time but when the Sigma family was the only family to have a girl, and everyone wanted a bloodborne heir, things seemed a little complicated. After many arguments it was decided they would wait to see which boy, she, would fall for. Everyone always ends up having a crush on their childhood friend right?

Notes: Guess who had another Bungo dream, it was me! This time around the dream sequence started in the middle and just kept going so ima just fill in the gaps and start from the top.

Tropes: Sigma is your twin, Fyodor x reader x Nikolai, Fyodor is endgame, royalty/rich kids, Childhood friends, Mutual pinning but reader thinks it's one-sided, Nikolai knows its unrequited but he still loves you & Fyodor, eventual 🍋

💌 Word count: 4,821 💌  You Are Here | Part 2

At the age of five you and your brother were inseparable. You were twins after all, it would have been weird if you weren't close to some degree. Sigma kept his hair long to match you even though your hair colors were mirrored. Naturally your parents gave you matching outfits although with some alterations between skirts and dresses. Sometimes you and Sigma would try to swap outfits to see if they could tell the difference but your hair colors always gave you away. That's the first memory you could vividly remember. Right before your first big fight with each other. That's when your father knew it was the right time to call his friends. Your parents were always worried about your development since there were minor complications during your infant years.

You were playing in the garden when the maids called you into the foyer. Your father had arranged for you to meet someone. Well more than just someone, your father had many friends but only two of them had children your age. Apparently you've met them before but you don't remember them at all. You and Sigma had extremely finicky memories for your age. Which is why today was so important for the both of you in that regard.

These friends of papa were special, they were his super best friends and hopefully today you would also make a super best friend too. Sigma would always be your best friend but he was your brother first and foremost. That was like cheating to you so you were hoping to make a good impression on the two boys in front of you.

Fyodor Dostoevsky and Nikolai Gogol stood before you as you curtsied. The two couldn't be any more different than you imagined. One was quiet and stoic while the other was loud and energetic. They seemed like a packaged deal just like you and Sigma. They had been friends for over a year now bonding over music lessons and the fact that their manors were close to each other. As your fathers spoke you were sent off to play and get to know the boys. Their fathers looked excited over your very meeting but you weren’t sure why and you wouldn't figure it out until years down the line.

You watched as Sigma tried to play chess with Fyodor. Nikolai was commentating the game, making Sigma loose focus. Neither you nor Nikolai wanted to play after watching Sigma get destroyed like that. Fortunately Nikolai had seen the piano when he walked in and played the beginnings of a song. He was still working on getting all the notes right but it wasn’t bad for how many lessons he's had without sheet music no less. Apparently Fyodor played the cello and that's how they met at the academy. Sigma was going to start violin soon but you wanted to learn ballet. Ever since you saw the Nutcracker at Christmas it was all you could think about. Nikolai just enrolled recently because his family needed something for him to exhaust all his uncontrollable energy. At least you wouldn't be alone.

You dragged everyone out to the garden. Something you have always wanted to do with other kids your age was to play hide and seek. Normally some of the maids and butlers would indulge you every once in a while but there were only so many places they could hide. This would be fun. You decided to be “it”, choosing to make the gazebo your counting spot. You heard the pitter patter of feet run from you as you counted down. Although when you finally reached zero you immediately found Fyodor standing behind the bush at the base of the stairs.

“Found you!” You laughed and grabbed his hand pulling him along to find the others. He didn’t protest but he did look slightly uncomfortable being dragged along. It didn't take you long to find Sigma either, he likes to hide in the same spot every time but it did take you a while to find Nikolai. The entire time you realized you never once tried to let Fyodor's hand go. Fyodor gave your hand a gentle squeeze as he pointed up in the tree near the fountain.

Sure enough Nikolai waved from his spot as he stood up striking a victory pose. He nearly fell down while he was making his descent, accidentally kicking off one of his shoes in the process. With Nikolai being the winner he was now it. You made a break for it when he started counting but stopped when you saw Fyodor just standing there. It seemed like Fyodor didn't quite get the point of hide and seek. You ran back to him and once again dragged him away. 

You saw some of the maids making preparations for afternoon tea and in a spark of genius you crawled under the thick tablecloth hoping no one would think to look there. You and Fyodor sat for a long time. Definitely longer than it took for you to find Nikolai. With the excitement of the day you had gotten pretty tired from running around. You ended up slumping on Fyodor's shoulder being comfortable enough to fall asleep. While Fyodor contemplated what to do in this situation he overheard some of your waitstaff talking about you both.

“Have you seen the way young master Nikolai looks at our young lady?”

“I wish someone would stare at me like that. Although did you notice the young lady holding young master Fyodor's hand? She must have taken a liking to him.”

“That's adorable. I wonder if she will be betrothed to young master Fyodor instead?”

“I heard that they plan on waiting until she's eighteen to decide who she'll be promised too. They're all still so young, nowadays it's customary to wait to make the announcement.”

Fyodor looked back at your sleeping face. You were going to marry him someday? He rolled his eyes. At least now he understood why his father made such a fuss about being a gentleman before he left the manor. As if he'd conduct himself in any other fashion but given his only acquaintance is Nikolai, Fyodor can see his fathers reserve. He doesn't like the idea of his future marriage being arranged especially since he'd just met you but it was reassuring that in the end it seemed like you'd have a say about who you'd end up with. Fyodor didn’t understand why it was so important to his father but maybe he'd understand with time. Speaking of time Nikolai abruptly pulled the tablecloth off the table to reveal the two of you crouched underneath. While Fyodor was originally indifferent about the game he couldn't help but frown upon being caught.

You were startled awake by the noise of tea cups clattering in place. All the maids had a heart attack for a moment before they saw the white haired boy perfectly displace the cloth from underneath the dishes. You clutched your head where it made contact with the underside of the table. Fyodor let out a soft laugh at your misfortune causing you to stare at him in awe as Sigma helped you stand. The genuine spark in his eyes left you blushing as Nikolai was boasting about his table trick. You all sat down for tea as your father's plan to become friends worked like a charm.

___

After that you all would get together at least once a week to play around before you started attending the academy. Sigma was taking violin lessons while you and Nikolai started taking ballet. You thought he was crazy for doing both piano lessons and dance at the same time but Fyodor had commented that if anyone could pull it off it would be Nikolai. The boy seemed to be able to teleport around the academy as is. Not to mention the fact that Nikolai seemed to know everyone. His best friend on the other hand was the exact opposite. Fyodor was, annoyingly, always practicing even outside of lessons. Nikolai seemed to be the only one capable of dragging him out of the practice rooms to meet up with the rest of you. Sometimes he would even fight you all and practice during lunch. It was sad because you very much enjoyed the Russian's company.

Besides that, ballet wasn’t exactly everything you'd hoped it would be. You wanted to learn how to dance on your toes like Clara did in the Nutcracker but apparently girls don't go on pointe until at least the age of seven. Although recently there had been talk that the school was in the process of changing that due to safety concerns. Nikolai had thrown a fit that men should be allowed to go on pointe too but it wouldn’t matter because neither of you were technically prepared for pointe work anyways. That's all you hear day after day, technique. It was boring learning proper placement, posture and turnout. You wanted to skip steps and just dance but apparently it was extremely important to your training to practice at the barre. Which was lame, you liked centerwork way more than being at the barre.

Even after a few years you still liked working in the center better than being stuck at the barre. Although now the years of technique classes had really paid off. This past year had been more focused on prepointe and pas de deux compared to past years. You had partnered with Nikolai whenever you needed to partner up for anything. Nikolai would make a scene if he wasn't your partner to go across the floor or for stretching so you weren’t that surprised when he became your official pas de deux partner. The teachers must have been observing the two of you since you enrolled in the academy. When you were finally put on pointe Nikolai was extremely jealous until you let him put your shoes on. He nearly fell over going on relevé at the barre, claiming that they were actually torture devices and he was no longer envious of you for being on pointe. 

A few more years had passed and you started noticing that you and Nikolai were the artistic director’s favorites. They must have seen something in you both. For the end of year showcase you would be performing the pas de deux from Cinderella. Which was going to be their summer production that you could audition for. This appeared to be your audition for the role. You both were ecstatic. Nikolai was obviously a shoe in for the prince but you had a lot of competition for Cinderella. It didn’t bother you much, you were just here to dance and do your best. You heard a lot of gossip in passing though, “(Y/N) is only good because she gets to partner with Nikolai.”

“They’re only looking at (Y/N) because she dances with Nikolai, I dance better.”

“Her pointe work is so sloppy I bet you her father pays the school to get better parts.”

Nikolai has told you to tune them out but the feeling was hard to shake. Nikolai was a freaking prodigy at everything he did. So was Fyodor. Even Sigma to some degree but you get to see the behind the scenes of his genius. His anxiety sometimes rubs off on you too. At the moment your class was let out early so you were bothering Sigma and Fyodor in one of the practice rooms. 

For their showcase they were both given Ravel’s "Pavane for a dead princess". Which was an interesting choice given that it was originally written to be a piano solo. It can be done as a duet with a piano and violin or cello but it was weird that they had been practicing it as a violin and cello piece. Nikolai was playing the piano as they were taking turns practicing their parts. Again it baffled you that Nikolai knows this piece by heart. When the lad had time to practice this was beyond you. Sigma had been practicing this at home most nights but this was the first time you’ve heard it with the cello accompaniment. 

You couldn’t help yourself; it seemed like your body was moving on its own. You were so entranced by Fyodor’s playing that you got up and danced. To you it was such a beautiful piece. Most people called it melancholic but it was beautiful. You weren’t paying attention and Nikolai was pretty sure he was the only one who noticed but Fyodor slipped up slightly. Nikolai glanced at his friend to see what happened when he noticed that the Russian's hands were on autopilot. Fyodor was watching you dance. Nikolai’s hands stopped as well, completely encapsulated by your movement. This had to be what true freedom looked like.

You didn't even realize when they had finished playing. You were too busy living in your own little world. Fyodor smiled as you continued to glide around the room. You made it look effortless. Both of them were breathless. You only stopped when Sigma cleared his throat.

“So is it my turn now?”

___

Sure enough when the auditions rolled around for Cinderella you and Nikolai were casted at the leads. It would be your first time dancing a principal role. The only problem was the animosity of your peers. It constantly felt as though someone was out to get you. It was a feeling that kept you looking over your shoulder with caution. There were more whispers lately and it only continued your bad feeling. Of course you had an understudy in the event you couldn't dance the part and you noticed how she would glare daggers at you while ogling Nikolai.

You had just finished rehearsal waiting for Nikolai to finish changing out when foreign arms grabbed you from behind and your world went dark.

Your limbs were heavy and everything was starting to slow down. The commotion at the door of the cheap motel didn’t even reach your ears. Everything was muffled compared to the steadiness of your breathing. That was until Fyodor and Nikolai burst through the door. What they were doing here was beyond you. Why not the police? This had you confused but if anyone could track and take down some random ransom kidnapper it would be them. 

Ever since Fyodor took his first computer engineering and programming courses you had expected that he took to being quite the hacker but you never called him out on it. Aided with Nikolai’s weird obsession with carnival tricks like throwing knives, hatchets and the occasional lock picking, this seemed like a normal day. Maybe it was whatever the guy slipped you that made this seem like normal behavior. For all you knew, your brain could be trying to piece together logical connections for things that weren’t really happening just to preserve whatever mental stability you had left. In other words this could all be a dream that you wished was happening.

Fyodor knelt down in front of you. Piercing violet eyes assessed your condition. You could get lost in his eyes, if he would let you. His lips were moving much too fast for you to keep up. None of the sound registered to you. You've never seen him this expressive before. When he realized you were not listening he took off his uniform blazer and draped it around your nearly naked shoulders. You hadn’t even noticed that the two had taken off your restraints. Nikolai was searching for your discarded clothes as Fyodor started explaining again, but slower this time. 

“Sigma is outside dealing with our private police force. Nikolai’s father only let us come with them under the pretense we would not, personally, get involved but Nikolai threatened the chief to let us handle it.” 

Nikolai came back with your skirt but when you just stared down at the article of clothing they both gave each other a look and helped you redress. It was only when they tried to remove Fyodor’s coat did you finally snap out of your stupor and throw yourself into Fyodor's arms. Your breath was ragged and you were shaking. It seemed like your body was just now catching up to speed. The grip you had on his shirt only tightened as he wrapped his arms around you. The feeling in your limbs were weird, it took so much effort to move them freely and when you did, they felt like they were moving on their own accord. Right now you were safe and that’s all that mattered. Fyodor always made you feel safe.

“T-t…” 

The words couldn’t leave your mouth but then again you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t even realize you had started silently crying until Fyodor pulled away to wipe away your tears. By that time Sigma ran up to you making you fall back on the bed. 

“I WAS WORRIED SICK! If Fyodor didn’t hack into “Eyes of God”, who knows what would have happened!” 

Sigma was crying more than you were. You tried to smile but your face was too heavy to turn up the corners of your lips. “Do you know how hard it was to prevent Nikolai from killing anyone? The moment we found out you were taken, those two were completely different people!” Sigma shook you for emphasis “It was terrifying!”

You wanted to answer him so badly but your mouth only opened without making a sound. It only took a beat for Fyodor to express that you’ve probably been sedated. Once Sigma got your shirt and Fyodor’s jacket back on your person, Nikolai carried you out and held you while you were in the car. Being your pas de deux partner for a few years now meant he could carry your weight near effortlessly. You leaned your head into his chest. Your eyelids were feeling extra heavy as they slid shut. You didn't notice his grip on you tightening, pulling you closer to his chest. If you were paying more attention you might have even caught the light kiss he pressed to your forehead.

___

You never got the full story but you could assume that Fyodor was able to trace the kidnapper back to your understudy because she was never seen at the academy again. You didn't stop dancing per se but you tried other forms of performance. Singing and acting have always interested you. So when you entered the high-school division you decided to give the acting thing a try. Nikolai always followed you around like an eccentric puppy and it didn’t surprise you in the slightest when once again you both were casted as the leads. Although this time there was one glaring oversight on your part.

Whenever you had any issues you couldn't sort out yourself you always sought out Fyodor for advice. You had inconspicuously invited the russian over for one of your sleepovers that hadn't stopped when you were children. The only thing that was remotely off was the lack of Nikolai’s presence. As the boys were about to retire for the night you finally mustered up the courage to speak.

“Actually um,” You reached for his sleeve “Do you think you could sleep in my room tonight?” 

You couldn’t look him in the eyes. Both Sigma and Fyodor raised an eyebrow at you. When you were kids he slept in your room all the time and none of your parents ever said anything about it. Sigma shrugged, he trusts that Fyodor wouldn’t do anything. He would have said something if it was Nikolai since he’s constantly physically affectionate as a person but if anything Fyodor has stricter physical boundaries compared to you. He'll allow it, not that he was going to try and stop you.

You couldn’t believe you were doing this but it was necessary. If you didn’t Nikolai would tease you relentlessly in front of the rest of the cast and you wanted to avoid that as much as possible. You were already freaking out that you had to kiss Nikolai of all people. He’s always felt like a brother to you and ever since that incident during Cinderella you were traumatized at the potential for that to happen again. Sure you were older now but that thought would always be in the back of your mind. You were aware of his ever growing fanclub and while after that incident they stopped bullying you completely you never know.

The moment you got to your room you motioned for him to sit on your bed. You were fidgeting with the hem of your sleeves. Like always Fyodor seemed to read you like a book, sighing softly while giving you a reassuring smile. 

“Are you really that worried about kissing Nikolai that you need to practice?”

You groaned, hiding your face as you threw yourself on your pile of pillows. “Let it be known I hate when you do that!” You curled up into a ball peeking at the russian while hugging your safety pillow. You really didn't and Fyodor knows that, otherwise he would have stopped predicting your words a long time ago but it didn't make it any less embarrassing. He knows you a little too well.

“Yes, I’m worried about kissing Nikolai! I have to practically make out with him and I’ve never kissed anyone before.” Kicking your feet in frustration you sat up in a huff. “I don’t want my first kiss to be because I have to. I always thought my first kiss would be a special private moment. Something romantic you know? And now everyone’s going to watch me make out with Nikolai! I didn’t think I’d actually be Juliet. I thought I’d have more time.” Your face was hot and your heart was racing. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Fyodor; he probably thought you were being ridiculous. Auditioning knowing that this was a possibility. It was your first time auditioning for a show that didn't have any proper dancing in it. You had just wanted the acting experience.

“There is no problem with wanting something to be special, (Y/N).” He put his hand on your cheek and guided your eyes to meet his. “If it puts you more at ease, I would be giving you my first kiss as well.”

Your breath hitched at the contact. He'd be giving his first kiss to you. You didn't actually think about that, although you should have known that was the case. He’s never had an interest in such things but he was willing for your sake.

He was sitting so close to you. When did he move from the otherside of the bed? Your head was spinning and nothing even happened yet. Neither of you initiated the kiss and his expression grew uncertain. This was awkward but you’d be figuring it out together at least. To be honest you didn't think he would entertain such an idea. You assumed he would talk you through being less anxious about it or perhaps give you a kiss on the cheek since he’s never been fond of physical contact if he could help it. That goes to show you Fyodor was a good friend, putting his comfort aside for your sake.

You closed your eyes mustering up enough courage to lean forward, gently touching his lips to yours. A flutter ran through your stomach as every thought in your head melted away. It was only one kiss but this already left you breathless and you were expected to do this on stage with everyone watching you? You became lightheaded as Fyodor pulled away first, resting his forehead on your shoulder. It felt warm to the touch which contrasted how cold he normally was. You moved to touch your lips with your hands. They still felt tingly.

Fyodor let out a shaky breath as he recited one of Nikolai’s lines. It almost didn't occur to you what he was doing until he sat upright with his eyes trained on your lips. He was caressing you just like Nikolai would in rehearsal. You don't even remember if you said the right line as Fyodor crashed your lips together. Again you were caught by surprise that he was taking this so seriously. You hummed as you melted into the kiss. Moving your lips against Fyodor's was making you dizzy. You couldn't help sighing softly under your breath. You were too enthralled with your personal bliss you didn't realize when Fyodor moved you to lay on your back. You were currently lying down with Fyodor looming over your smaller figure. Your hands gripped the front of your dress as your heart hammered away in your chest. You felt Fyodor pulling back again. His expression was unreadable but his face was flush. You were both panting looking at each other through half lidded eyes. You had the urge to pull him in for more. You really wanted to be greedy.

“Will that suffice?” He spoke as smooth and unwavering as ever, sounding unbothered like he wasn't also out of breath. You on the other hand could barely form words. “I-I believe so.” You were embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to continue where you left off but it was a self-indulgent thought. 

Fyodor curtly got up to turn the lights off and situated his side of the bed. As he turned away from you he said his goodnight. You were left mildly hot and indefinitely bothered beyond compare. How could he just kiss you with all the passion in the world and then go to sleep? Maybe Fyodor should have been the actor out of your group. You've never seen his eyes so vibrant before. You laid there lost in thought replaying that last kiss in your head. Fyodor was always there for you but you hate that no matter how close the two of you are you will never be more than friends. Over the years he's never had any interest in romance and If his actions after the kiss were any indication, he couldn't even look at you. You turned away from him trying to ease the rejection but your head was still reeling from the kiss. You would never forget what love should feel like, even if Fyodor would not return the feeling.

Fyodor was eerily still, listening for your breathing to even out. He doesn't know what came over him, the moment his lips touched yours a fire was lit throughout his body. He prided himself with his immaculate self control and his body threw it all down the drain. If he didn't stop when he did he would have just embarrassed himself in front of you. He felt the blood rush down his abdomen. That's why he was adamant about turning the lights off as fast as possible. Fyodor tried to will it away but the memory of how you looked up at him blissfully dazed was driving him mad. He agreed to help for purely selfish reasons and he almost feels bad about manipulating you but it was worth it to best Nikolai, in that you choose Fyodor to be your first kiss. 

He's watched the two of you only grow closer as the years passed and Fyodor feels like he's been left behind. Even though you've expressed that your feelings for Nikolai is that of brotherly love, he can't help but feel it's something more when he sees the two of you together. It would truly pain him to lose your affection to Nikolai but in the end if that's what you desired he's prepared to step aside for your happiness. At least that's what he tells himself, it's far too easy for him to be selfish for what he wants. In fact he's known of your love for him for years now but he doesn't press the matter because such infatuation would only distract from your studies and the last thing he needs is to have both of your father’s disapproval.

The next day you tried your best to mask your weary expression as Nikolai leaned in to kiss you. You were expecting to be met with the same overwhelming warmth that you had with Fyodor the night prior but your mind was clear of the fog. As you pulled away you waited for Nikolai’s next line but it never came. You gave him a quizzical look but he was still staring at you in awe. He gave it a beat before he broke character.

“Ah, sorry that was my first kiss.”

Your director was laughing as the rest of your cast exploded in conversation. Nikolai was always the utmost professional performer; this was the first time you think he’s ever slipped up and broke character for any reason. His face was a light shade of pink as he avoided your gaze.

___

Part 2, 3 parts total

[marsprincess889]

Me getting political

🇬🇪🇪🇺

So, I know I mostly only really talk about vedic astrology here, but I'd like to speak to the very same audience who found and followed me because of that about what's going on in my country. So, followers, dear mutuals, those couple of ppl I know irl who are on here, or someone who randomly found this_please, read and interact. (!!!please)

For context, the vast majority Georgia, mainly gen z, has been protesting a "foreign agents law", which is almost identical to the law that russia passed in 2012 and that has resulted in significant restriction of the freedom of its citizens. So, eurovision, met gala, whatever.... this is the reality my country lives in.

I had no idea so many people from other countries were this misinformed about georgia(in general)? People thinking photos from our massive protests were not from here because we have "police" written in english and not "policija"(which is not a fcking georgian word??????)?

People thinking america funded, I repeat, MASSIVE protests that have been going on for a month(and have also taken place in the march of last year for the same reason), just because some of the protestors wrote signs in english? Like, the sheer idea of that is honestly infuriating.

I don't think anyone who has not lived in Georgia will understand the situation clearly. The government is ordering to beat up peaceful protestors, is using pepper spray on them.... and most of the protestors are teens and young adults, trying to make a better future for themselves and for generations to come, tired of fighting the same fight that their parents and grandparents have fought.

When you are born georgian, patriotism is instilled in you like vow. I was born in 2002, a decade after my country exited the soviet union, fresh out of the notoriously hard and dark 90s(full of poverty and crime), six years before I started school and russia invaded the city of Gori. We learned all the poems and novels of our great writers, learned the stories of them fighting for freedom of speech, for the freedom of our country, our teachers would explain every detail of their astristry and their importance. At some point I think we all got tired of it, no matter how loving and full of care they were, but then I remember the presentation my class did in sixth grade about february of 1921, how Georgia exited the russian empire in 1918 and how the brand new(at the time) constitution was implemented just a few days before the red army came in 1921... MY PARENTS were born when Georgia was in ussr, my mother had to spend her years as a young student in the 90s in constant fear of danger on the streets, our parents saw the worst of it and did everything in their power for us to live in a better environment. But we're first generation in georgia who grew up with internet, who is fluent in internet slang and is way more informed, with a completely different mentality, for whom the decades of oppression is more distant. We know russia is an enemy, we know what our country has gone through, but we are the first gen with the freedom to speak up when yet another attemp to control is made.

We have a very long and rich history and one thing that is clear from it is that we are supernaturally resilient, and our refusal to be subdued has protected not only ourselves, but countries that lie west from us, the countries that make Europe, that we consider ourselves a part of.

My friends know I'm the quickest to say that I feel like I don't belong here(georgia), that I never really connected to what I saw, generally, in my country, but maybe there are thousands like me here. Maybe(100%) the men in power haven't been paying their due respect to my generation and how persistent we have been in our actions and convictions. And maybe, the rest of the world(western countries) have significantly undervalued our importance. We deserve our due, and to me, the least that others can do, is to educate themselves before typing or speaking about us.

We are not a "former soviet country", we are an ancient civilization with an extremely unique culture that has survived to this day, that has protected its customs, identity and the right for freedom, and has been under almost constant threat for losing them. And, once again, if there was any doubt, we are not our government.

I sincerely hope for this to get as many notes or possible, or at least, to reach the right people.

[goddessxeffect]

MAKE PEACE WITH THE EGO AND YOU MAKE PEACE WITH THE PAST

Disclaimer: This post is not entirely written by me, I credited all the sources I remembered but if something seems very familiar, it is probably out of 4dbarbie's asks or from one or two of @iamthat-iam, sorry in advance to the original source.

" The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of 'salvation', of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions... As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. "- Eckhart Tolle

Now that you know who you really are you are fast to scapegoat the ego for everything. It is in the way of you getting to that blissful state of peace. It understands nothing, it fights you. It is the reason you suffer - or isn't it? First of all, you wanting to be different is a urge coming from ego, not you. You are already that, everything, want nothing. It's not you suffering, it's ego suffering. Secondly, you are missing the mark by far. Ego is perfectly created the way it is. It's conditioned to be that way and behaves acordingly. It's perfect, so let it be. You are choosing to identify with it. You are giving this role importance or rather life. It is again you choosing to give your power away to a dream, an illusion.

Yes, in a different way now but still: you don't have power, you are it. Already. Nothing is standing in your way but yourself or you clinging unto this false sense of self. How can an illusion be an obstacle for its creator? Only "I am" is true and your real self is love, so anything aligned with love is true. Anything aligned with fear is an illusion by the ego that You fall for.

How to get rid of an illusion you might ask then? By knowing it's not real. What do you not understand about you already being realized? By knowing who you are, you know that Ego cannot be you nor "real".

Even if she [Vanesse = ego] wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? @4dbarbie-backup

To understand Ego is to understand time (x)

Time is not experienced. You only ever experience now, the past is imaginary or as some say "a shadow, ghost town, dead", it is not experienced at all. What you experience is (a persons) memories in the present, but you give them life now and just because you identify with the person for whom this all happened this way.

This is also your answer for why you don't have to care for what will happen to a character and its life. You exist now, for example as Vanessa, with all of her memories, which make her up as we already cleared. The next moment, or let's say the next morning, you "wake up" as Lara, with all of her memories. Would you, experiencing only now and identified with Lara, as her, know that Vanessa even existed? I'm kinda quoting 4dbarbie on this.

"The past is dead. What you see is dead. Until you realize your Self, Present will always be past (something you were prior conscious of)" @4dbarbie-backup

What is the ego's reference point? The past, not the present. What is ego essentially? A "bundle" of past experiences (memories), expectations, habits and traits, that developed because of those experiences. The ego only "exists" as its mind, it IS its mind. But the mind is imagined by You (awareness) since in the present moment there cannot be past experiences.

"Now, all ego knows is illusory, because it's the past, it no longer exists. You see life through the past, you aren't really in the now, so really what does ego know? How can ego be helpful in the now if it only operates based on something that does not exist? If you realize all is now, ego becomes useless" @napolonio

Everything is imaginary, nothing is real in the sense you were taught growing up. You have to imagine the past, which makes it not real. A memory coming up is no different than you imagining "yourself" with a million dollars. Both of those things are imaginary and experienced in the now."

Reality, or the "world" Ego experiences, is real because of our (awareness) experience of it. WE make it real. It’s not like the reality the person was born into is the ultimate one true reality. Every reality is real as long as you are conscious of it being so. You have to re-realize that you are reality itself. "Things" or "objects" are dead (have no independent or own beingness) but only become "alive and real" through our occupancy in it, by borrowing our beingness temporaly. That’s why consciousness is the only reality!

On the topic of "Revision". Before realizing all of this I (person) was like “But it won’t be the same because I didn’t actually get to have the experience” but “Hold up; all that exists of the past IS the memory of it! Its not like I’m vividly physically experiencing my memories every moment. I only accept my past as true because I feel like it happened and I’m attached to it. Who’s to say I actually experienced all those things?”

All the memories that the person/ ego has, good or bad, are only kept in place by the love or rather attachment that we are giving to them. And why wouldn’t I love my own deliberate lovingly created memories even more?

[beebopboom]

Greasy Johnson: a Red Herring?

This is a season 3 speculation post - you know not what to do with them

ok so i’ve fallen down a Greasy Johnson is Jesus rabbit hole and I love it - seems pretty plausible (here are some of of the pieces that sent me down here - Jesus 2.0 rides a Motorcycle Scooter , Greasy Johnson is Jesus, and Greasy Johnson in the book)

To summarize Greasy Johnson is the third baby in the swap who grows up near Adam and has kind of a “rival gang” who in the book is used as the reason why Adam finds a fight between two rivals ridiculous

plus you have the working title for the talked about sequel 668: The Neighbor of the Beast which more than likely is Greasy Johnson house and his thing with tropical fish - just a lot of things pointing to him being Jesus

But!! I want to talk about something a little different (and I can recognize this is probably just my want for Warlock to come back as someone important) because it was a choice not have him mentioned after the swap in the show.

What if Warlock is Jesus? Now just hear me out

If i’m following the swap right Warlock is our baby draped in blue and is the Young’s actual son

Now going back a bit I believe Heaven has been testing out aspects of what is said to happen in the Second Coming for a while now maybe as far back as 1827 but probably got close to right around 1941 and was just waiting for Hell to have the Antichrist and trigger Armageddon

and yknow for being an order of satanic nuns they sure do have a lot of Jesus on the Cross hanging around. why? - it’s almost like the were also meant to deliver him as well

So when Hell pulled their final card - so did Heaven

Now who was not meant to be there that night and messed everything up - the Young’s and their baby, Warlock - it’s almost like it was a divine intervention. And like I said earlier Warlock is our baby draped in blue (like Jesus) and our Ace card (ace up their sleeve anyone?)

Greasy Johnson was apart of Hells plan and set up - Warlock was not

also he has traveled the world because of the Dowling’s work before being tempted by Hastur which he denies

and the whales and dinosaurs we see in his room - you got your mothers humor don’t you?

and he is the only one who has to make a return to the UK - the plane in the opening sequence

what about Greasy Johnson and the neighbor of the beast though? that seems to be a pretty great fit and I agree - he is going to be the reason the swap is discovered and they all get together again - whatever that reason may be (*cough*dying*cough*)

and not mentioning him further in season one allows for him to come in as a completely new character and story that we get to follow around with points in his life pointing towards him being Jesus - as a distraction for the characters and for us

but where does Aziraphale come into this and why does the Metatron need an angel of his talents? - Heaven has also lost its card(baby), the trick worked a little too well and there are still two children to choose between, if they could find them - and Aziraphale, who has shown is apt at finding and identifying the Antichrist and knows Earth better than any angel, is just the being for the job

I recognize this is a lot of speculation and this is just kinda just a crack theory but it wouldn’t leave me alone so I’d thought I’d share

and mostly I think it’d be funny that in thinking they were raising the Antichrist they were actually raising Jesus Christ

(but also it would fit a lot of the headcannons floating around. Jesus being a right terror? check. Them raising Jesus? already did that. Trans!Jesus? remember all those trans!warlock headcannons. Jesus having a mentor relationship with Crowley? the demon raised Warlock. Going out for a drink? Warlock would an adult now by the time season 3 comes out and they keep following that the events in the show are happening at the present time it comes out trend - just on and on)

[ratherbefangirling]

Mi casa (2)

Genre: Omegaverse AU, Angst

Pairing: Ot7 x alpha!reader

Summary : Namjoon wonders if letting you in thier home will destroy it? He hopes it won't but if it does. He will start from scratch again because for his soulmate there isn't anything he wouldn't do.

Warnings: past mentioned abuse.

PREVIOUS | NEXT

Yoongi sits in his office working. After his comment about you possibly being Namjoon's mate. Namjoon sweared at him and left. Before Yoongi would have made a fuss about it but now he knew better, understood the more nuanced sides of his packmates including Namjoon.

Yoongi and Namjoon had both gone to the same middle school and high school and hated each other to the core. Or Yoongi hated that Namjoon was more alpha like and smart, always at the top of his academics. Namjoon on the other hand was jealous of Yoongi's more omega like features and his ability to not care about anyone's opinion.

They had gone to different colleges. They had met once again when Jin and Namjoon's pack had decided to introduce them. They surprisingly melded well. At that time Yoongi and Jin had already decided to form a pack and Jungkook and Namjoon were roommates.

Yoongi had a rough time accepting Namjoon as his future pack. The first time they met again had been, for a lack of better word disastrous.

Still even though they had their differences most of the time they could put aside thier petty personal grudges for the sake of the pack.

Yoongi still remembers the day they had come to the conclusion to put the people they cared for before thier frankly childish behaviour.

Working for the shelter was a tough job. In a day Yoongi sees more terrible things than most people do in months. As much as he finds his job fulfilling it makes him tired and angry and it's made worse for having to show up at a job where everyone else is also tired and angry and there's nothing he could do about it (not to mention dealing with officials, lawyers and policemen most of whom are entitled and haven't suffered a day in thier lives.)

Despite the majority of their time together being spent in arguments both firm in their beliefs (which is why they often seek each other out) he actually hates fighting with Namjoon.

In the pack he is usually agreeable with Jin and Hobi, Jungkook is his baby, Taehyung and him may have different world views but usually the younger one is very doting taking full advantage of calming Yoongi after riling him up because they are pack. He does bicker a lot with Jimin but its nothing like how Namjoon and him fight.

Thus only Hoseok or sometimes Jin who ends up using his alpha command can interfere. The alpha command (which Jin uses sparingly and in absolute necessity) is reserved between the pack and only works towards the pack. It has no effect in ruts and only the pack alpha's command has any noticeable effect.

Just like the other times the matter of concern hadn't been huge. Towards the end of the winter Jungkook had fallen sick. Incidentally everyone was busy. Hobi and Jin had to leave to Hoseoks close cousins wedding. Jimin and Taehyung had to give finals of their masters degree. Which left Yoongi and Namjoon.

That day Namjoon had an important meeting for the project he had spent months working for.

"I'm leaving hyung." Namjoon said picking up a bun to have in transit.

"Namjoon. Stay and help. You know I have to start with a lot of work.

"Hyung can't it wait. I have an important meeting." While the statement wasn't meant to be dismissive but Yoongi felt anger bubble through.

"What do you mean can't it wait"

"I said what I said hyung." Namjoon says irritated. "I have an important presentation I can't miss."

"Are you trying to say my work isn't important."

"I didn't say that hyung but you work in a shelter when I have an actual job." Later Namjoon would feel immense guilt because of his careless words. But then he was one tracked towards his job. Not ready to back down at all. Corporate wasn't kind to omegas.

"I'll stay back." Hoseok says.

"But your cousins wedding." Namjoon mumbles.

"Taehyung and Jimin will be done early because of their exams." Jin says.

"Yes we can come early don't worry.." Jimin says.

And that was that. Namjoon and Yoongi resolve their fight and treat the pack to a nice dinner. Making a pact to be more careful in the future.

//

It might be a little irresponsible but Namjoon needs to think and he hopes Yoongi won't tell on him to Jin.

But it's not very simple for Namjoon to decide.

Namjoon has a soulmate. A real soulmate.

Namjoon remembers vividly being alone. So alone that it ate him inside. For a long long time he felt unlovable. Unwanted. Being part of the pack helped alleviate some of those feelings. But being part of a seven member pack sometimes someone felt like a seventh wheel. And he would rather it be him than anyone else.

But having a soulmate. His soulmate meant nobody would be lonely. He would have his own person. He didn't doubt the packs love no but he was ultimately selfish and he wanted something that was entirely his. Someone that was his.

His alpha.

He got butterflies just thinking of it.

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. The pack may not approve but he wasn't going to abandon her. No matter what. You were his. Only his. His own Alpha.

And if he had to fight the world or his own pack to have you. Namjoon realised he would. Because you needed him too. He would take care of his alpha. He would make everything okay again.

The atmosphere in the house is tense, Jungkook notes. Yoongi is irritable and in one of those moods where he needs to be left alone. Namjoon has gone camping with his friend Jackson. Jin seems antsy and Hoseok looks like he's waiting for a bomb to drop. Jimin and Taehyung are as clueless as him.

The Maknae line decided to have a sleepover trip. A staycation at a nearby hotel. Its partially to give the hyungs space and and partially because its been a while since the three hung out together.

They spend part of the night gaming into the late hours of the morning together. As the morning sun rises Taehyung nudges Jungkook.

"Go get food. Junkookie.."

"I dont want to you get it if you're hungry" Jungkook says still busy in his game.

"Rock paper Scissors the Looser gets the food."

"Fine." Jungkook agrees. He ends up loosing against Taehyung who hi fives Jimin happily and they continue with the game.

Jungkook stretches. His muscles aching since he's been in the same position for so long. He grabs the car key and drives to a convenience store nearby.

He spots Namjoon and Jackson talking and goes near them.

"Are you sure Namjoon? Don't you think you're taking it way to far?" Jackson asks Namjoon.

"If I have to leave the pack I will."

Jungkook's mind blanks. Everything seems immaterial. He leaves the cart He was holding to run back to the hotel. This couldn't be happening.

When Jungkook more or less storms in both Taehyung and Jimin look up.

"What's wrong? Where's the food?" Taehyung asks.

"Namjoon's going to leave the pack."

"What the hell Jungkook?" Taehyung swears.

"What? Tell me clearly what happened?"

"He was talking to Jackson. He said he'll leave the pack."

"But that makes no sense." Jimin said.

"I'm not lying I swear." Jungkook says.

"Is that's why the hyungs are so on edge." Taehyung pointed.

Silence fell.

"Surely they wouldn't hide things from us right?" Jungkook asked tearing up at the thought of their family breaking.

"Maybe it's a misunderstanding and it'll sort itself." Jimin tried to reassure the maknae and hugged him.

"You must have misheard it. There's no reason to leave the pack." Taehyung reiterates.

"But I heard him"

"You must have heard wrong." Taehyung says anger evident in voice.

"Taehyungie calm down. You too kookie. It could easily be a misunderstanding like taetae said there's no reason to leave the pack" Jimin says.

Jungkook nods sniffing. The thought of Namjoon leaving scares him to death. He wonders if Namjoon feels unloved or unwanted. He decides he's going change Namjoon's mind.

"Let's just order room service OK?" Jimin says

Taehyung nods and calls. Making sure to order extra icecream because he thinks they'll need it.

So yeah that's it. It's been a while since I wrote anything. I just can't seem to these days. I miss the boys terribly. I hope you liked this. Mostly I'll try to finish this in the next part. I felt I had to end this part because it would go way too long though it ended up in the shorter side and feels slightly unbalanced to me. Tell me what you think.

Taglist : @kaceypdf ; @ghostlyworld ; @thelilbutifulthings ; @hijabae2019

Permanent taglist : @exfolitae ; @cryingpages ; @outrobtsnd