#ive been getting more open with my gf about things ive been through

[androidboy]

-

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

ATIA for talking bad about my gf?

im a 15yr old transmasc for context, gf is 14 cis F

this is a bit of background, but ill make it quick. i've been dating this girl since 6th grade (im now 15 and in 9th grade). she used to be really open, considerate, and hot. she had a really cool style and i liked her a lot, cringe and all.

over the time from 6th-9th grade, she questioned her gender, which is understandable. i supported her whatever she identified as that week and solidified my support by making her things with the pronouns and gender she used. however, i was going through the gender thing too, but leaned to be more masc. i started using masc pronouns, which i expressed to her, and she neglected to use. i eventually went back to they/them, which she seemed relieved for. that struck me as odd.

anyways, over the summer, i had to be hospitalized for some mental health issues (i will explain further if needed, long story short, i was thugging it out) and couldnt make it to the last two weeks of school. at the time i didnt have a phone either, so i couldnt call her. to her knowledge my friend ratted me out for a self threat and i got yoinked from school.

so, i hang out with her over the summer, and shes totally different. skinny as hell, blonde highlights, and a different style. she acted the same, for the most part, maybe a bit more confident, but i didnt mind, it just freaked me out that she'd dropped so much weight (she was slighty above average)

fast forward, we're halfway through the school year now, and shes kind of being a dick to Friend (15F, who was friends with her first but whatever) Friend doesnt know why and i dont either, but its another thing that stikes me as odd in a bad way. recently ive been considering breaking up with her, seeing as she is being a dick, and also has a few other problems (cutting people off when speaking, speaking too loudly, not aware of space she takes up, not speaking openly about her feelings to anyone, etc)

ive been talking to Friend about this a LOT, and my gf seems to be getting worse in behavior by the day. i feel bad because it feels like im talking about her behind her back, but i also cant bring up any concerns directly to her as she diflects my concerns.

TL;DR, my gf is being odd and not nice or communicative, and i talk to my friend about it a lot and the consideration of breaking up with her. atia?

What are these acronyms?

[444rockstargf]

MY SECOND EURO REQ TODAY !! okay so euronymous in all of his sexy glory is ofc... a metalhead. but his girlfriend is all bubbly, dumb and pink. bimbo ofc. but one day theyre going to a party and his gf had a lil plan 🤭 she puts on some black latex thigh high heels, a rly short black latex skirt that shows off her ass and her black lace thong perfectly and one of his bands tshirts but she cropped it so it shows off a bit of her underboob. and shes even got his corpse paint on 🤭 and hes like hard as a rock the whole drive to the party and when they get there and her black lipstick is smudged against her white paint and her ass is hanging out even more feom the skirt riding up.. he drags her to a room and fucks her hard with that little skirt still on, pushing her against a wall and letting her black tears stream doen her white painted cheeks 🤭🤭 (i got carried away mb...)

ive been waiting for someone to ask for smth like this!!

"wearing a tight dress." | euronymous

white dress. - lana del rey

female!reader x euronymous

word count: 1118

contents: p in v, unprotected sex, creampie

you were his dumb little baby. your outgoing, bubbly, and clingy personality went against everything that he was. but something about that dynamic made you two the best couple. he carried you around like a cute little handbag, and you couldn’t be happier following him to all his concerts, parties, and all that.

he had gotten invited to a basement party. there would be drugs, booze, and all of his favourite things, and you couldn't miss the opportunity to join him. he hesitated about allowing you to come, but he couldn't resist that look you gave him. so here you were, getting ready for the party. euronymous banged on the bathroom door. “hurry up in there! we’re gonna be late if we don't leave now!”

“just a sec!” you called out, finishing the last few touches on your makeup. you took a step back and looked at yourself in the mirror. you took a deep breath before opening the door and walking out of the bathroom. “let’s go.” you brushed past him, but he grabbed you arm and looked you up and down, eyes wide.

he looked like he had just had the wind knocked out of him. you were wearing shiny thigh-high black boots, a tiny little latex black skirt that complemented every curve of your hips and waist, fishnet stockings, one of his t-shirts that you had cut really short, showing off the bottom of your tits, and to top it all off, one of his leather jackets.

you had done your hair and makeup too, and he was absolutely breathtaken. he loved you to death in your usual style, but seeing you like this took it to a new level. you had him completely wrapped around your finger now. he would run into a burning building just to buy you mascara. he couldn’t speak. he stammered as he tried to get a single word out, but he was completely stunned.

“c’mon, euro. we’re gonna be late.” you said in a slightly mocking tone. you started walking to the door. he wiped the drool from his chin a followed you out, staring at how your ass moved the entire time. you got into the passenger seat with him trailing behind you. he couldn't get over how you looked. he had fantasized about this too many times to count and here you were, making all his dreams come true.

he got into the driver’s seat and started the car. while he drove, he stole occasional glances at you. you were sitting with one leg on the seat, exposing your tiny black thong. euronymous could’ve died right there. he looked at your soft thighs in the fishnets. he wanted to have his head in between them while he sucked you completely dry.

your tits looked so soft and perky, just begging to be sucked and prodded at. and your sweet little pussy that he could just barely see through your thong… he got so lost in his thoughts that he nearly ran into another vehicle. they angrily honked their horn at him, but he just flipped them off. a few minutes later, you arrived at your destination. 

you could hear loud music blasting from inside the house. you exited the car and started walking toward the house with him walking behind you like a lost dog. his heart, soul, and mind had completely surrendered to your beauty. he caught up and rang the doorbell, taking another quick glance at you.

your ass was pretty much exposed in that tiny little skirt. he just wanted to put his hands all over your body and mark you up so that everybody knew you were completely his. once you were let inside, all eyes were on you. everyone had gotten used to seeing you all dolled up and innocent-looking that this could've easily been a fever dream.

you had everyone under the same spell that you put euronymous under, and he didn't like it one bit. he dragged you into the nearest bedroom and pinned you to the door, kissing you deeply. he pulled away, panting and his face flushed red. he backed up and looked at you once more, his entire body shaking. you had never seen him like this before, but you weren’t complaining.

he seemed… nervous. like he was in the midst of a goddess. you pulled him back to you by his shirt and started kissing him once again. he pinned you to the door again, picking you up and squeezing your ass. you wrapped your legs around him as he unbuckled his belt and let it drop. he had been fighting a raging boner since he saw you walk out of your bathroom, so he was seriously looking forward to getting some relief.

you wrapped your arms around his neck as you felt your pussy starting to drip with desire. he moved his fingers to your pussy, rubbing your clit through your thong and feeling your wetness dripping through the thin fabric. he moved his mouth to your chest, licking the part of your tits that were exposed. 

he started whimpering into your chest. “you look so fucking sexy tonight, angel… wanna fuck you so bad… ” he was drooling all over your tits, his cock already swollen at the tip and bubbling with precum. he tore off your thong and pushed his cock into you, making you both moan loudly. his hands were under your ass, moving you up and down on his cock.

sex with you two was usually very rough, but euronymous seemed to be struggling to keep up that expectation. he was whimpering the entire time, telling you how much he loved you and mumbling things that you never thought you’d hear him say. the room filled with the sound of skin slapping together, your moans, and music from the other room.

both of your makeup was smudged, making a mess on eachother’s faces. he never wanted this moment to end. he didnt know if he’d ever be able to see you this way again. it didn't take long for him to spill all his cum inside of you. it leaked out of your pussy and dripped down his balls. he usually lasted so long, but you were messing with his head in ways that he couldn't understand. 

he continued the abuse on your pussy until you were crying, begging for him to stop. and unlike every other time you begged, he listened this time. making sure that you were ok and apologizing for cumming inside of you without telling you.

it was clear that seeing this side of you had changed something in him. and he hadn’t been the same ever since.

author's note: i have a whole lot of requests to get through (not going in order.) so ill try to get them all out as soon as possible :))

[girlwithfish]

sorry idk if u literally wanted someone's opinion so if not u can ignore this:

imo he's mostly in the wrong but i can see where he's coming from to an extent? not that i condone his behavior or words at all, bc it seems pretty shitty and tone deaf of him from what you've revealed. rather i think it's bound to be messy to rush into a relationship directly after ending a previous one, especially an abusive one. from his perspective i can see that it's probably a lot of responsibility and pressure for a partner to take on so early in the relationship. like u guys are still just getting to know each other, u know what i mean?

but i think that kinda falls on him and he should've known better, bc it seems like he wanted to move things very quickly and rush into gf/bf territory knowing your recent past and vulnerability. and now he is getting annoyed bc it's not the cake walk he thought it would be. i believe u mentioned he's older too which makes it worse. i can't help but be confused by how he's acting... like i agree w/ u that he is unnecessarily making it about him and expecting you to magically get over your trauma after only a few weeks. what did he think would happen?

i wouldn't blame u if u broke up with him bc i think u deserve to be drama free and heal and live ur best life rn. wishing u the best and i hope u don't mind this message.

thanks for the input! yeah i was actually asking haha. just weird bc ive been pretty transparent and open about still dealing w stuff and not being "over" my trauma. i feel like hes underestimating the effects of abuse and thought id "get over it" even saying he thought id get over my ex the more i was with him which is weird. especially in the beginning when he seemed understanding and presented himself that way. and i think that hes conflating me not being over trauma w not being over a typical breakup which is strange to me and i felt he hasnt been very empathetic toward me. i get its a lot of responsibility but idg why he wanted to date me then or he thought itd just be easy.. just weird mixed signals from him and lack of understanding. like him suddenly being upset w me for sleeping when hes repeatedly told me he doesnt mind. and i feel im not asking him for much or i dont use him as emotional support much or really even talk about my trauma or ex this month (in the beginning we both talked abt our past relationships a lot but stopped) besides the one time a few days ago when my exs mother reached out to me and i was upset for maybe 30min to an hr when we talked abt it and he offered his input which i found unhelpful Idk. and this was triggered all by him asking how i am ystrdy and i said im not doing the best but im getting by and said i didnt need to talk abt it tho and then he said hes seeing me decline bc i still ruminate over trauma and said some weird stuff abt how he feels hes contributing and idek i said im just in a weird place rn and im working through it and then also brought up relationship stuff btwn us how i feel hes not putting as much effort to show he cares and he kind of blamed it on my sleep schedule then went on a whole thing abt me and my trauma and how hes realizing its serious trauma i "need to sit with" and idk i dont feel hes being very kind or understanding and just presumptuous about my own situation. if he didnt wanna be w someone in my situation he shouldn't have dated me and acted like he wants a relationship and "loves" me when he barely knows me. also hes the same age as me

[dontcrybecauseitsoverr]

update

Im about to graduate omggg, as usual, no one knows about this tumblr in my life, so that’s cool. Kaylee can know idc lol. But, somethings in  my life just don’t add up. I have a gf who I do love, and adore and all of this, but man our communication sucks, on her end, she just doesn’t text me or snap me for hours sometimes… for no reason lol, but snap score goes up but she doesn’t reply? Hurts a bit, I don’t feel like a priority in her life, she isn’t open with me about things, I have to fight to get answers out of her, and she just doesn’t tell me stuff. We’ve been dating for 5 months! Like what! Lol! I just don’t get it.so like what do i do...were not going to see each other for the entire summer. this is my longest relationship, as yall know they dont go too hot lololol. so many posts on here about gf’s and shit, i would be ruined if anyone found this, but this name is not associated to anything else of mine, unless someone like reverse searched the image, who knows. this is just my thoughts as they are thought of on paper, im sitting here listening to taylor swift, deciding about big things in my life. im going to maine for the summer month and a half or so, either i can have all the sex up there with my ex, a threesome, my bff cas who ive all fucked before lol, so thats funny. BUT, 3 months without her :L i wont even be able to see her at allll her dads a dick. i swear to god if we aren’t able to FT like 1-2 times a week, that is really gonna take a hit. theres no reason to not be able to ft me with airpods in, and all this shit, like come onnnnn do u really not want to talk to me. i just feel like this is going to end up in a text break up, i really dont want it. but shes stuck with me and my quirks and issues for 5 months! thats a long time! so who knows, i want it to work but it just may get so unberable at some point, im gona talk with her tho at least. also i just was reading up about how the brain processes near death experiences, and how wack the gamma rays are or something. and i recalled the time in senior year, when my friend was driving and making a turn into school across a busy road. (two years later a family of 4 got killed in the crash, actually by someone i knew in the dmv auto club, he went to jail, my friends and i did the math on the car crash - guy was going 125 mph when he hit them. 1 girl survived out of the family of 4. terrible) but, a car was really going fast coming towards us, and i thought it was gonna clip us, and i was in the backseat, i swear i had a marvel intro style play in front of my eyes, just flashing through life events, i couldnt even see the car coming per say, just the images that i cared about most in my life. and then we passed...and it was like nothing happened. this got off topic, but so do all my other posts. i just dont know what to do. she failed out of her student teaching this semester, and i felt i was at cause, but i dont think so. she said her mom was very upset with her, after the school stuff, and failing the driving test. but all she does all day is sit and watch tvvvvvv mannnnnn, ive tried so hard to get her to do things, and be productive and get her out of the dorm because i know what that life is like, failing out, and having no prospect, because ive been there so many times. ive been to 4 colleges! and she just doesn’t want to involve me, or just seems like she cares about me. i want it to work, i mean god, what breaking up for a month and a half just for a crazy sex summer? seems like an issue to meee lolol. not really looking forward to maine, but gotta do whatcha gotta do. fucking hell i graduate in 10 days what the hell its taken so many years im just numb to it i feel, everyone else cares way more than i do, and its gonna be a shame to try and express happiness and joy when im more just like thank god lol. anyway thats my late night talk i guess, lol goodnight?

[scover-va]

YOUR ART IS SO COOL!! also i think if the haunted house au was an actual sjm mod sado's spawn area would be the prison from the hex where lazarus frees sado except you're in the first person pov of lazarus (except you're also not lazarus you're some guy who went into a mansion and now has to face the consequences. maybe instead of hitting the buttons with the gun like in the hex you hit them with the axe), and when you free sado and she disappears suddenly everything becomes dark. everyone in the cells disappears and a hallway that wasnt there before opens up back at the beginning and the lasers disappear (i feel like it would be much easier to explain what im talking about if i drew it but that would require making a hex sideblog so i can show you. and ive been procrastinating making a hex sideblog). i think sado's chase would be like a dark void behind her with eyes in it (like specimen 7's wall. except it wouldnt instakill if you touched it bc i think that would be unfair) and the walls during the chase would also be completely dark with eyes on them (also like specimen 7). i think sado would be able to go through walls quicker like specimen 8 also. idk how much damage she would deal yet or all the other specimen stat stuff they put on the sjm wiki but i hope my rambling isnt incomprehensible im going to go back and make sure theres no run on sentences so its actually readable -sjm anon

Okok finally answering this bc I gotta get over my fear of. Im not sure what it is but boy does it exist.

Aight first bc im gonna go in chronological-ish order with this: Ty!!! Gonna try to make more concept designs and shit this weekend, we'll see hehe. Gotta add a read more bc its long so. Yeah

Honestly?? I do like the concept of Sado having to be freed as a reference to vg2 in the actual au. Not to mention the horror aspect. Might serve as some sort of fun transition type thing. Maybe between FPP and Reggie/Jeremiah's thing?? Bc i DO have her whole thing planned out when it comes to the actual encounter, but also it might help solidify my plans with R+J. And yeah Lionel would DEF be facing the consequences of goin into the mansion so like. Smth smth poor wet paper towel of a man or whatever.

i DID have to google Specimens 7 + 8 despite rping an au of sjm with my gf, bc i COMPLETELY forget which specimen is which. And also I didnt see all their designs, so like. Yknow. Forgot the cat was surrounded by weird flesh walls tbh and I was VERY confused. I did recognize the 2 tho!! So I mean. I get brownie points for that, right? /j I also saw the game over thing for if Spec. 8 kills you, bc my gf sent it to me. That fucker reminds me of Bone Lord in a way I can't explain /pos

Also yeah i DO gotta figure out actual stats for these bitches huh. Might also ref. sjm for that bc my only ideas for stats would be like. Health and damage. Sooo yknow. Idk what the stats in sjm are but im assuming theres gotta be AT LEAST 1 or 2 more than that. I'd watch a playthrough but bc of that au my gf and i did i already know the important lore and shit, and i get bored VERY easily so. We'll see what happens. And personally playing it aint an option. I cant personally play horror games, im a coward.

Also dw sjm anon, i COMPLETELY understand the bit abt the ramble being comprehensible or not. I have gone on many rambles to my friends/gf that probably made 0 sense, but who cares bc im havin fun

Going back to a thing I mentioned earlier, I'll go over my R+J plans I figured out while rambling to my gf in a different post, bc I wanna make a proper post abt that. And also with the new Sado ideas I need to solidify some stuff first lmao

[jinxed-thoughts-and-desires]

Entry 1

hey hi! i have about 6 or so “entries” that I originally wrote on twitter that I want to copy over to here, both because they still express what im going through now and also because I want this tumblr to be a documentation of my journey as well. 2 copies, I guess, with this being more of a focus on everything and my twitter just being my twitter. so yeah, love yall ❤️

—

(written march 9th 2024)

in an effort to try and bring attention to mens mental health (not that i wanna take away from womens history month but i still think it is important), i want to be more open and transparent about my journey with mental health as a guy.

the past few months have been some of the hardest of my life. so much has happened that i cant even remember a good chunk of it, things keep stacking up and i feel increasingly lonely as time passes, which is a combination of there being minimal amounts of resources so for men to get help, and the pressure of trying to be a “man” in todays society. i like to think i understand how toxic these traits can be and try to avoid them, to allow myself to feel and express emotion, but its so so hard especially when you dont /know/ how to do those things.

over the past week or two ive had to call the crisis hotline a few times because ive gotten so bad, and each time its helped a little, but it made me feel incredibly embarrassed that i even had to do that, especially because of the reasons i feel like this in the first place and trying to open up to friends and even my gf (as thankful as i am for it) is not a replacement for the therapy i cannot afford, have no time for, and am even more embarrassed to have to get because of. just everything.

theres only a few things keeping me going atm, one of the main ones being that i do genuinely want to get better, so i can become/create a hub for mental health resources, for everyone, but specifically for men.

i dont wish this on anyone, its so draining, soul sucking, and even anger inducing. i really hope that one day i can get better to help others going through this, bc that was one of the ways i started my internet journey (starting a “help”-ish blog on tumblr where i would anonymously message people that they mattered and that i cared for/loved them even if i never met them), but at this point im scared ill never get to a better spot. ive been stuck here for so long, and sometimes fall deeper, that it feels like theres no way up anymore.

sigh.

but yeah, idk where i was really going with this. at the end of the day i want to use this as a starting point for documenting my mental health journey. hopefully itll get better, maybe itll get worse, maybe itll just stay the same and i wont get anywhere. we will see.

i love you all.

[bubsub69]

Entry 35

6/12/2023 00:15 Why the hell did i think it would be different. why would we go back to talking regularly after she ghosts me for almost 2 weeks i wish i could just move on, but i neither want to nor can find someone else, i browsed through fetlife and stuff and tried messaging some poeple yesterday but no luck there either… one of the scammers from telegram posted a story about needing a 'favor' and theyll dominate for free… the favor is most likely asking to borrow an account for posting on reddit because of karma requirements because shes posted another story asking that… asking about the favor seems really tempting for some reason, i dont know why im interested in someone that charges and is dishonest, probably because of despair, you know i dont even know why im being anonymous about her its @goddessclaire8 if someone shares this telegram accoung a) she charges and b) is dishonest. you know what fuck it im just gonna ask her to see if thats what she wants.

tomorrow im gonna have test, which means i should stop writing and maybe go over some stuff, but who has the mental capacity for that amirite… im really getting sick of some stuff at college, too many teacher just expecting you to know not explained stuff, but everyone somehow already knows it, maybe theyre not lazy fucks and actually look up relevant stuff and you know learn outside the classroom which i dont really do.

ive been talking to some people online but i still feel really lonely, i dont know if i just want deeper connection or just physical touch, i dont know wtf i want anymore…

dad kind of demanded i go to a therapist but i refused… honestly i dont even know why i did it, maybe a bit of a mix between thinking they wont be useful and they'll share stuff with my parents which means i wont be able to completely open up, tbh i dont want to completely open up to them either, not gonna share that im desperate sub and that im touch starved and stuff, i guess i could keep it to myself and its not like id impact the effectiveness of therapy but who cares stubborn brain wont let me get help, all i need is touch and gf and im fixed, classic solution.

also the discord thing didnt really work out, havent talked there, cant do it. also kinda sucks that most people dont really talk back, its hard to be the one that always starts talking, and ive only kept contact with 2-3 people, some didnt even reply to my heys anymore so i guess i was just too boring as usual. damn just remembered theres someone that would always start and we havent talked in a bit should text him tomorrow. And i guess i should just go to sleep, not being eepy is proabbly gonna do more good than looking at some stuff in a hurry.

maybe J will text me on sunday again… that seems to be the day shes usually free… maybe ill get that video call… i also had to wait a fair bit to talk with D so… i just have to be patient… again… like ive been… for a month………. itll be worth it in the end………………………… i hope

[femfalleen]

thoughts today:

working at getting myself toward a less physical job (and finding a lot of enjoyment) in returning to and continuing my education in computer sciences and software engineering (haha yet another trans girl who does that, who'd've thunkst)

i had an interesting therapy appointment this week.

i had intended to talk with her about the time i nearly died in a car accident and how that could've / did(?) change who i was. im not sure if it did, nor am i sure if it was traumatic to me, but im there to seek guidance and ask such from her, of course.

she started off with the usual "how's everything" and i told her that yanno i came out everywhere basically, everyone i was worried about has been supportive, work has been going well etc.

we shifted topic to an upcoming trip my gf and her friends have planned to celebrate their scholastic successes from this year and that i am going and intended to get off the plane there and just be ... well, me. wholly femme presenting, voice training finally seeing use, etc. in a place i won't be back to in any meaningful amount of time where no one will know me and will care.. ( and hopefully fewer laws in place to scare me off, of course).

i mentioned how this (being femme presenting publicly outside of safe spaces) is like standing at the edge of a cliff and that even though i know jumping off will only be safe, assuredly, im waiting for the person running at me to push me off (this trip) to give me the courage to finally do it. it's not as safe as it should be and i know that but id rather live happily everywhere instead of only at home.. so itll happen eventually, of course.

i mentioned how we'll be flying out of TN and that i wouldn't be able to be femme presenting there whatsoever (as of writing this, iirc, a "being drag outside a cabaret club is a felony" ban is sitting in their legislation waiting approval from the house[?] and then signature from the governor) as i just don't have the time or financial resources to go through that, so once i get to the destination I'll switch to full femme... and once i get back home, out of TN, ill be comfortable enough to just not have to boymode hopefully at all.

what conclusion she drew is that i tend to overthink and over plan, supposedly. of course, i cut down the actual bulk of talk we had during the hour and i can surely see, based on the full meat of it, how she has good intentions and is correct about a lot. (aside from planning not to be imprisoned for 0 reason when i can't afford to challenge it).

i wonder how much more i might overthink things now. it's scary coming out here and now, this place this time around these people, but for the most part... thats about all. the community im in at the moment is mostly a positive one, as far as ive seen, and while i want to be wary... i want to also be a beacon for others.

i got a silicone bracelet of the trans pride colors to wear at work, since my new dress code doesn't cover my wrists. i could've just talked to people. i could've just asked around and spoken to them privately. hell, seeing my name be "Evie" on someone of my appearance and having most people refer to me with she/her should clue people in enough as necessary that they'd feel comfortable approaching me and knowing they can be safe. but i didn't want it to be some dark secret passed around in the shadows; i don't want it to be some taboo subject that you can't talk about; i won't let the people who feel this way or have these thoughts sit in silence, anonymous, begging for connection when i can just be visible and open and hopefully inspire and help others find what they need for self-fulfillment and comfort.

another poignant topic we discussed is who i see myself as; what do i look like, feel like; want to be?

i said i wanted to be a sunflower.

idk but it felt right.

i want to be facing the light and feeling its warmth, always able to spot what i need to for that feeling to envelope me. but at the same time, i want to be there as a very obvious .. thing(?) that others can find. i want to be there to help show others that warmth, that comfort. i want them to find their own light and happiness and to be able to thin the clouds around others if not help push them away.

ive always struggled with my emotions and not feeling how i "thought" i should; feeling lonely a lot of the time, even when i had my most and closest friends.

but i think the human experience should be one of uplifting times, of community and growth, personal and public enjoyment and success and the ability to appreciate others without worry of the self.

it's a little... farfetched, but i know it could be possible and to that ends, i want to finally shed the shell of cold, cool examination and embrace the passion that's been burning away deep inside. to be able to love without reproach and to accept all people who either choose to do the same or have that same spark.

to me the experience i think i, and consequently, all people should have here in life is one of serenity and enjoyment as we revel in the chance to be experiencing something so bizarre and terrifying as existing. to conquer that fear of death by knowing that life is anything we make of it and to make the experience the best one we'll ever get...

i digress

to that end, i said i wanted to be the sunflower. i gave myself a bright, unavoidable labeling wristband. i have thought tirelessly about how i want people to feel, how i want myself to feel, and how i want to be able to accomplish that.

so i guess maybe i do overthink a little? maybe the easiest way to become the sunflower is to just.... be it?

easier said than done, as anything is, but maybe im too worried about the method and i should just start sprouting already.

ive been a seed too long anyway.

[midnightmisadventures]

HAHAHA guys im LIVINGGGGG I got my alpha dream lmaoooo

I honestly am dying like what a funny life to live. I-, as you all know i got drunk and followed alpha last night. Put his government on the TL like an idiot.

Earlier today he accepted me and followed me back and it....was overall underwhelming. Which duh it should be, I DONT HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR ALPHA. Like not even sexual at this point idk...like its not there. But the biggest thing is that, fucking mk, lenina crowne herself was all over the page. I was like fuck, the reason this was supposed to be fun and silly was that i thought he was single. Like i had no idea they were STILL together are you kidding me?

And yea here I am scrolling through pics of them being hot and intensely making out and being the barbie and ken we all remember them to be. And nothing. No emotion, no stomach drops. Happy 4 them! Hope they are great lmao. Its so crazy how a pic of them on my timeline 5 years ago today would make me sob. But i was like, im cured yall

From september 4, 2018 to today. I finally did it, not you not ever. I mean talk about detaching.

Anyways, it was whatever, now we follow eachother. We'll see if he unfollows after he jerks off like last time. But i take a midday nap, and i get my FUCKING alpha dream bitches. Uni said ask and u shall recieveeeeeeee hahaha im so weak.

It was a classic chip party. All of florida was there, extended family, lots of dogs. In my dreams lately ive been like "late" to get ready. Like people are arriving and im like omg, i need to change into my outfit, my hairs a mess, give me 15mins. So that was sort of happening here. Guests were arriving and I was trying to run upstairs before people saw me. And.....apparently i invited alpha?? for line fun?? but i didnt think he would come and also no other of my friends or like people my age or from highschool showed up. Like it was supposed to be like a throw away invite for the drama and ehhh if he shows up he can talk to other people he knows. But i NEVER expected him to show up and i DIDNT think no one else would be there??

But it wasnt awkward that....more of my friends werent there. Like it wasnt like "ha ha ur a loser" embarrassing. Alpha was chillin, the big deal was that we hadnt seen eachother in forever, and now he was in my house and he was just making me nervous like i didnt wanna talk to him.

So , lots was going on. Also he brought lenina? So again, wasnt super weird but i just all in all didnt feel like talking to Alpha and lenina haha sue me. But whatever, suddenly i start seeing him make eye contact with me and rounding corners like looking at me, and no lenina. So im like....okay idk where the gf is but he's obviously trying to....give looks, as me 5 yrs ago would say. And i was like okay well, i am the only one here who is his age and not my family i should probably talk to him since i invited him.

So i was in the pantry in the chip kitchen and he just comes to the side of the table and just sits down legs spread, facing me not saying anything. Black tshirt.....most likely grey sweats. Which isnt a coincidence that hyfr was wearing that too but i'll get to that.

So i was like, ugh i have to bite the bullet and talk to him, and i still wasnt dressed. But he was sitting right next to me on purpose, so im like in the pantry, and i look over like "hey alpha, w-whats whats up?" like STUTTERING i literally hated myself for being nervous but he was making me nervous lmao. Like ahh stop.

I was like "how have you been??" like genuinely acknowledging that i havent seen him in forever and i have no idea what he's been up to. And he was being very alpha and coy and sly smiled, but then he opened his mouth lmaooo.

Tell me how this man says, "honestly i've just been pretty stoned a lot"

UHHMMM WHAT. Tell me whats weirder, hyfr trying to convince me via dream that he's into big brother or alpha via dream trying to convince me he's a STONER. Like the walking tight assed ken doll. Mr, "thats pretty bad" smoking weed aLL tHe TiMe like bull shit, Liam you keep slipping up that its just actually you.

Its so funny to me, that Liam is impersonating all of my exes via dream and doesnt actually know anything about them....so he's filling the blanks, but in doing so he exposes himself. Cause MAYBE i can believe that hyfr is like?? into bb? but no one is gonna convince me that alpha is some heavy stoner. Also the black tee and grey sweats is the last thing i saw Liam in so its absolutely not a coincidence.

Anyway, rightfully so i'm like "wait reallllyyyyyyyyy" like kinda turned on haha i was so shocked but i was like okayyy alpha the stoner like lets go smoke babe thats hot. And i was so shocked so i started asking like "did you smoke in high school or did u start after highschool?" basically like tell me more. And he started trying to explain, and i dropped what i was doing in the pantry and gave him my full attention and we were sorta being flirty, but he kept trying t talk, but over in the den my dad and erikka were having this deep discussion and i was overhearing it, and they were talking about eating, and ed, and stuff that couldve easily been directed to me but i was like so confused like is erikka having eating issues? so i kept trying to eavesdrop and was getting distracted.

And then i would turn back to alpha and be like "im so sorry can you say that again, i was distracted by my sister" and he'd be like "yea so..." and start talking again. By the way he's sitting on a stool and im in front of him, but over and over i kept getting distracted about what erikka and dad were talking about. Like they were talking about how much she was eating in a day and what her appetite was like, and i mean obv that relates to me in someway so idk.

But....somehow, alpha also overheard and was like wait maybe i shouldnt be talking about how much weed i smoke/you smoke in front of your dad and your sister bc that plays into appetite and i gues he was trying to be sensitive but also in a silly way so he was like "nevermind, i should have never brought it up"

and i was like "no no no lmao you can keep going" and we were giggling. and he was just like "no, it seems like a touchy subject i wont-"

So then i was laughing, so i playfully touched his arm with my shoulder and it wasnt a big deal but i felt him flinch like- uhhh woops dont do that. Like he didnt say anything but i felt him flinch a little. And i was thinking in my head like.....is it bc he has a gf i didnt think that was that weird.

So then im like leaving upstairs to go get ready and im like "okay okay alpha we're continuing this conversation later, im serious, im gonna come find you in a few and we're talking about this" like being jokey and cute and he was like "uh huh okay lol"

And i ran upstairs to get ready.

[ameliora-j]

twin flame iv // gw x reader

words: 1.5k

warnings: smut (finally), fingering, size kink, tummy bulge, light degradation, creampie (all acts are consensual!)

an: this is seriously so short i apologize. but alas it is here :) one more part after this and twin flame will be finished ahhh

part one | part two | part three

you and george had been sitting on the floor of your old treehouse for nearly an hour now. the silence consumed you as you stared into his brown eyes and he stared right back into your own yec one’s. no one spoke a word. no one moved an inch. the silence was all-consuming. deafening.

“yn?” he finally breathed in a whisper.

“hi georgie…” you murmured nervously.

“what are you doing here?” he asked.

“i came to get you,” you shrugged one shoulder. “fred told me you weren’t in contact with anyone and i knew where you’d be. so i came. be… because i wanna talk to you,” you told him.

george nodded and you slowly shuffled forward on your knees. “george i’m sorry. for a lot of things actually, but to sum it up, i’m sorry for not being open about my feelings for you. i was too scared to tell you that i’m in love with you because… i-i didn’t wanna ruin us. what we have is so so good. and i wouldn’t trade it for the world georgie. you mean absolutely everything to me. and if i lost you then i’d lose myself. but i guess i just didn’t realize that by not telling you… then in the long run, i was losing you anyway,” you told him. george bit his lip and you shuffled even closer.

“i wish you would’ve just ruined it,” he told you. “because fuck, yn. i’m so in love with you that it’s absolutely unbelievable. you consume me. you live in my head rent free. you’re everything and more to me. i’m so fucking in love with you that i’m at a loss for words. you wouldn’t believe the things you do to me. i want you to make you mine forever,” he told you.

“i want to be your’s forever georgie,” by now your knees were touching with as you both continuously inched towards each other. your lips were a hair’s breadth away from his. you could feel his breath fanning over your face. george was the first to break, lurching forward and finally connecting your lips.

passion burned and fireworks exploded as you moaned into his mouth, allowing him to shove his tongue into your mouth and go on an adventure. your hands roamed from his sunset orange locks down to his broad shoulders and finally to the buttons on his shirt, fumbling around with them. he pulled away as you got to the last button. “been waiting so long to do that,” he murmured as you pushed his shirt off his shoulders and he pulled your’s over your head.

“do it again,” you whispered breathlessly. he didn’t waste a second, gripping you by your bottom and pulling you on top of his lap as you began to heavily make out again. your hands roamed his broad chest and accentuated abdomen before finally tangling in his hair as his hands found home on your ass, kneading and squeezing. “want you georgie,” you whimpered as he moved to press open mouthed kisses down your neck, leaving hickies in his wake.

“you can have me, butterfly,” the nickname made you outright moan as you ground yourself down against his hardening member. he fumbled around with the button of your jeans before unbuttoning and unzipping them, dipping his hand into your panties. you moaned as he ran two fingers through your slit and you bucked into his hand.

his kisses moved to your covered chest as he dipped two fingers into your heat, curling them and instantly finding your gspot. “more,” you moaned.

“take it off,” he motioned towards your bra and you quickly obeyed, reaching behind you and unclipping it. immediately, his lips attached to your nipple as his thumb came up to toy at your clit. you whimpered again and he chuckled as he gently teased your nipple with his teeth.

“wanna cum georgie,” you whimpered.

“go ahead, butterfly. not stoppin’ you,” he muttered as he pulled off your right nipple before turning and giving the left the same attention. one drag of his teeth over the sensitive bud and you were done for, making a mess of your pants as your cum gushed out onto george’s hand. he fucked you through it before pulling his hand out and sucking his fingers clean. “fuckin heaven,” he moaned as he pulled them out with a pop. “better than i ever imagined.”

“wanna suck your cock georgie please,” you whimpered.

“next time princess,” you couldn’t hide the smile at hearing there’d be a next time. “need to feel your sweet little cunt wrapped around me. take the rest off,” you nodded, quickly ridding yourself of your jeans and panties as george did the same. he gently laid you on the makeshift bed he’d set up, climbing on top of you and positioning himself at your entrance. “ready butterfly?” he asked.

“give it t’me george,” you murmured, wiggling your hips for emphasis. he slowly pushed into you, and you squeezed your eyes shut, moaning at the stretch. you reached your arms up and squeezed his biceps tightly as he bottomed out. “need a second. s’big,” you murmured softly.

“take your time butterfly,” he whispered as he leant down and placed gentle kisses on any and all inches of skin he could find.

you nodded finally after a few seconds of preparation. “okay… okay go,” you told him. george slowly pulled out before thrusting back in, effectively hitting your gspot. “there,” you moaned. he smirked slightly as he slowly fucked into you. “fuck georgie it’s so big,” you moaned.

“yeah butterfly?” he mocked slightly. he ran his hand down your left leg before lifting it, placing it over his hip for a better angle. your back arched into him and you bit your lip. “fuck baby, so little. see myself in y’little tummy,” he marveled as he pushed down on the imprint of his cock in your lower abdomen.

“want more georgie. more please,” you begged.

“greedy little thing,” he hummed as his hand made contact with your clit, rubbing in tandem with his slow, rough thrusts. “love you so much butterfly,” he murmured into your neck.

“love you too georgie,” you moaned softly as your eyes rolled back into your head. “wanna cum please,” you whimpered.

“look at me when you cum butterfly. cum with my,” you nodded rapidly, opening your eyes as he pressed his forehead against your’s. “cum butterfly, now.” with his explicit permission, you let go. moaning out his name loudly as you slipped over the edge, cumming on his cock as he bottomed out, and pumped you full of his cum.

he stayed inside of you as you both came down. it was a few minutes before he slowly pulled out. you hissed slightly at the burn as you felt his warm cum dripping from your overworked hole. he fell on the pile of blankets next to you as he pulled you into his chest. you rested your head against his pectoral as you played with the chain around his neck. after a few minutes of silence, you began giggling. “what’s so funny over there, butterfly?” george asked with a smile.

“we just fucked in the treehouse our dad’s built for us when we were kids,” you giggled. he began to laugh with you as he kissed your head.

“you’re more than just a good fuck, butterfly. you’re the love of my life,” he told you.

“your twin flame,” you smiled as you kissed his jaw.

“my twin flame indeed,” he smiled down at you.

~~

two weeks had passed since you and george’s endeavor in your childhood treehouse, and you were now both back in the apartment above the shop. you had even gotten your job back as cashier and manager. you were in george’s room, readying yourself for the day. you brushed through your hair and buttoned up your shirt, tucking it into your skirt before walking downstairs. “morning yn!” fred greeted.

“morning freddie,” you smiled as you poured yourself a cup of coffee.

george snuck up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your cheek. “morning butterfly,” he smiled as he kissed your cheek.

“morning georgie,” you giggled.

fred mocked a gagging noise. “you guys are even more insufferable now than you were when you were arguing,” he joked with a playful eyeroll.

“oh you love us, freddie,” you teased with a smile.

“loving you less and less the more i hear your noises. the walls are thin!” he called as he made his way downstairs to the shop.

“so… date tonight?” george asked. “after work. we’ll leave early,” he told you.

“and leave freddie all alone?” you asked with a small pout.

“oh he’s got angelina butterfly. he’ll be perfectly fine,” george waved you off.

“okay fine, date tonight then mr. weasley. don’t be late,” you winked over the brim of your coffee mug.

everything was perfect. back in place. back how it should be. you were back at the shop, living with fred and george. you called the younger twin your boyfriend, and you were happy.

the cosmos were aligned. and the universe was on your side. in the end, love won. the universe decided to pour gasoline onto your twin flame. she expanded it and it was now exploding and bringing upon a future for you and george that was even brighter than your flame.

and you couldn’t wait for that future to begin. it sure as hell was bright.

add yourself to the taglist

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*crossed out means i couldn’t tag you

[spenciebabie]

Um... so like... post prison Reid taking his gfs virginity? 💕💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺🥺 also I love ur writing wow

im presuming you’re looking for dom!spencer? it’s gonna be in that vain but if you were looking for something softer ive got a 7k 2 parter on my main (Show Me) that’s got a soft late seasons spencer taking his gf’s virginity

— —

They’d been dating for a while now and Spencer had his suspicions. They never seemed to do anything more than kiss, the odd time she’d let him finger her, and she’d sucked his cock twice now.

He loved her, and he would wait as long as she needed to. But he had to know.

One day while they were in her bed she was straddling his lap while they kissed, one of her legs perched either side of his thigh. He decided to kick things up a notch, bringing his hands down to her hips, gripping them harshly and pulling her down at the same time that he pushed his thigh up.

She let out the most desperate moan he’d ever heard from her. Her lips breaking off of his as she did, unable to contain it. So in an effort to tease he stopped, taking his hands off her hips and laying back a little, propping himself up on his arms and just looking up at her.

“Are we a little desperate today sweetheart?” He says teasingly

“I don’t know, that felt— nice” she looks shy all of a sudden, her cheeks heating up.

“You want me to touch you?” She just takes her bottom lip between her teeth, nodding.

“You want me to touch you with my fingers, or maybe my tongue?” She nods again, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

He sits up again, snaking his hand up under her skirt, feeling the wet patch she’d made against his trousers. Curling his fingers up he presses them up into the crotch of her panties. She lets out a soft mewl at the sensation.

“You’re so fucking wet sweetheart. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you wanted to be fucked?” He moans against her ear, and he can hear her breathing almost stop completely.

“Unless of course, no ones ever fucked this pretty little pussy before?” He pushes her panties to one side as he speaks this time, running his fingers along her slit, feeling her arousal almost dripping along his fingertips.

“Please Spencer, I want it to be you” she moans out as he presses two fingers right against her entrance. Only toying with her, never pushing them in.

“What you do want me to to baby?” He teases, burying his face in the crook of her neck, sucking a harsh bruise at the base.

“Want you to fuck me—ah!— want you to be the first one inside me” she moans out and he pulls back again to examine the little bruise.

He looks satisfied, quckily changing their position so that she was laying flat beneath him on the bed.

“Tell me what you want sweetheart, and I’ll give it to you” he says, commanding but soft.

“I want to feel your cock Spencer” she moans but she looks shy all of a sudden.

“What’s wrong baby?” He asks, just a little concerned, as bad as he wanted this, he didn’t want to genuinely pressure her into it.

“I just—it’s embarrassing” she forces out, closing her eyes before she says the rest, “I’ve wanted to— with you— for a while now, I just— I didn’t know how to ask but um, I’ve been taking the pill and—” his heart almost stops.

“And?” He coaxes, his hands running along her body over her clothes now. Encouraging and eager.

“And would you want to cum inside me? Please? I wanna feel you, I wanna feel all of you?” She’s asking like it’s some kind of imposition, like she had no idea how much and for how long he’d wanted to do just that. He almost can’t even give her a response, he just starts by pulling at her clothes scrambling to take them off until she was wearing nothing at all in front of him.

“Fuck sweetheart, you’ve got no fuckin’ idea how bad I want this” he’s breathing heavy and labored now, making his way out of his own clothes until there’s nothing between them.

When he runs his fingers along her slit now it somehow feels even wetter than it was before, if he rests his fingers against her and keeps them still he can feel the way she throbs against them.

“Is your little cunt desperate for my cock sweetheart?” He groans against her ear and she nods, her lips opening softly to moan just a little.

“You think you can handle it baby, you’ve only ever had my fingers.” He pushes two inside at the same time that he says it and she’s whining now. Tiny little noises that sound like ‘please’ flowing out of her, getting trapped in her throat as he curls his fingers up against her walls.

“I don’t know” he teases, “this desperate little cunt is tight, I can barely fit a third finger in here” he’s turning himself on while he’s saying it, pushing in three fingers at once, he can just about force them in and he feels the way she clenches around them. He’s teasing her, but he’s also right.

“Please! Spencer please— fuck— want your cock, need it” she’s whimpering and he wants to be inside her more than anything. The way she’s looking at him is so soft and pleading. He just has to give in to what they both want.

“Since you’ve been such a good girl I’ll let you have it.” He says like it’s not exactly what he wants too.

Pulling his fingers out he places two of them in her mouth which she gladly accepts, sucking them in and hollowing her cheeks around them, tasting herself. Once they’re clean Spencer uses that same hand to line himself up between her legs, running the head of his cock along her folds, mixing his precum with her own arousal before he’s pushing himself inside.

She squirms a little at the immidate contact. The stretch she’d never quite felt before. She knew his cock was thicker than his fingers, but like this, it felt so much bigger.

He took time to check in with her each time he moved, slowly sliding in, inch by inch until he was buried inside of her.

“Fuck, baby you’re so tight.” He moans out against her ear, “So fucking wet too” he’s not even moving inside her and he think he might cum from the little faces she’s making alone.

“It’s all for you” she whines out, “I’ve wanted this for so long” something about her innocent little face spurs him on, he wants to hear those delicate lips say the filthiest things.

“Tell me what you thought about sweetheart, what did you fantasize about while you touched yourself?” It’s also a means of distraction. Once she’s thinking he takes the opportunity to slowly start moving.

“Ugh! Fuck! I thought about your mouth” she moans, “how good it feels when you suck on my clit, the way your stubble feels on the inside of —ah!— my thighs” he starts to speed up slowly now that she’s moaning softly, adjusting to his size already.

“What else baby? What does your pretty little pussy want?”

“Thought about riding you” she says and stops, clearly a little to embarrassed to say it out loud.

“I thought about that too,” he leans right down next to her to growl against her ear, “the image of your perfect ass bouncing up and down on my cock, or the way your tits would look above me” he’s got a hand snaked between them now, teasing at her clit.

“Shit Spence, I want you to— fuck— want you to fuck me from behind sometime. I wanna feel just how— uh— deep you can get” she’s losing it now, her nails digging into his shoulders, her back arching up off the bed as Spencer continues his movements.

“You gonna cum for me baby?” He groans and she’s nodding and whimpering beneath him now.

“Feels so good Spence, so close” she’s panting right before she’s toppling over the edge, shaking and squirming around him, the filthiest moans coming out of her as she clenches around his cock.

“That’s it baby, I’m almost there” he continues to fuck in and out of her, getting her through her aftershocks as he’s cumming himself. Spilling deep inside of her as he does.

“Fuck, fill me up Spence” she whines, desperate and breathy, “I’m all yours”

He pulls out of her slowly, and takes his time to admire her. The way her hair is perfectly messy, her forehead all sweaty but in the kind of way that makes her glow. The little bruise on her neck from earlier that he already knew she wouldn’t be able to hide. The way she looked at him with her swollen bottom lip caught between her teeth again. And on top of all of that, now there was the added bonus of the way his cum looked as it dripped out from between her thighs, just a little falling onto the bedsheets.

[jadegreenimmortality]

hello! your header said requests are open so here i am 👉👈

if it’s okay, may i request hcs for atsushi when he just keeps accidentally (and unintentionally ofc) ignoring/neglecting his gf (or gender neutral if you wish) because of yk, ada detective stuff and exhaustion?? if possible angst to fluff or just overall hurt comfort pls :)

ive been going through smth similar with a close firmed so yeah haha

i hope you have a nice day or evening!😊

Atsushi accidentally neglecting his s/o

A/N: Heyyy dearest anon! Thank you so, so much for requesting, I am glad you deemed me worthy!!!! (ノ▽〃) I am truly sorry to get to this so late, my writing schedule is just not made for emergency comfort requests and I hope that whatever was going on with your close friend is long resolved by now. (≧≦) If not, this hopefully will bring you some comfort. <3

Pairings: Atsushi x gn! Reader

Genre: hurt to comfort

Warnings: angst, crippling self-doubt

Summary: Atsushi gets buried in work and doesn’t notice how this leads to him neglecting his s/o, until (y/n) has had enough of it. Fluffy ending.

Being the s/o of an ADA member in general is already hard. Any of them will work overtime regularly or just ignore regular work hours completely if need be. The burden to protect a whole city is heavy after all and you have to go to certain lengths to be able to do it justice.

But Atsushi is a very devoted s/o. Since you’ve stepped into his life, he’s been deeply thankful to have met you; even more when you became a couple. And although he has to deal with a high workload, he never failed to set time aside to spend with you. Until now.

You are used to him calling you in the late evening when he walks home to ask you about your day, only talking about his own day if you ask him to, because he doesn’t want to burden you with his matters. You are used to getting random texts throughout the day whenever he can spare a moment; asking you trivial things about your day or commenting on something he saw that reminded him of you. You are used to meeting up at least twice a week for lunch and spending most of the weekends together; you are used to having him close to you, even though his work keeps him physically away from you most of the time.

But lately, he barely calls you anymore. You start to feel a painful sting in your chest whenever you sit by the phone waiting even past midnight, hoping he might still call. Lately, his texts have gotten shorter and strangely impersonal; still peppered with emojis, but even seven differently coloured hearts can’t compare to a proper message with actual content after a week; lately, he’s been late to your lunch meetings or have been cancelling them altogether. In short, he’s been more and more absent.

At the start, you were just worried. Knowing his line of work, you were pretty positive he was working a bit too much lately, but you didn’t wish to burden him further by asking for his attention, which is why you didn’t express the accumulating sense of rejection and hurt which started to arise after weeks passed by with no changes in his behaviour.

And the continued absence started to get worse. After three weeks, he started to run late at Fridays, sending you a million “I’m so sorry’s” via text because he had, yet again, to work overtime. It’s fine, you told yourself, as you stared at the dinner you had prepared in your excitement to finally see him again, which would now get cold.

When he finally arrived, he looked exhausted. It made you forget the painful tightness in your chest for a moment. He looked just too pitiful, his face adorned by quite visible, blue-ish shadows under his eyes, his body slumped forward in the clear need of rest. When you hugged him, his reaction was weak and a yawn escaped his mouth the moment you leaned back. But his smile was as sweet and loving as ever, so you had mercy on the poor, tired soul and decided to draw him a hot bath. Maybe a bit of relaxing together in the bathub would lift his spirits, and you could just eat afterwards…

But when you came back to the living room, you found him fast asleep on the couch, one arm resting over his eyes to shield him from the ceiling light. You just didn’t have the heart to wake him up…even though you suddenly felt all alone again, his physical presence seeming only a weak replacement for actual time spend together.

The rest of the weekend made you largely forget your pain though. After a good night’s rest, Atsushi finally seemed to be back to his old self again: a cheerful, soft-mannered and caring boyfriend you could share your life with. You were hoping that there was no need to bring up the matter anymore. And he didn’t bring it up either; he didn’t notice the way your smile faltered when he mentioned how much word he had to do lately.

Your hopes were in vain. The week following that one was the worst yet. You barely got a text a day, some of them purely emojis, and you didn’t meet to eat lunch together even once. You felt yourself get close to the point of despair – not that your happiness depended on him, but could you even call him your boyfriend when he seemed to have forgotten that you existed? The hurt and pain started to get slowly replaced by anger and a subtle, yet very persistent fear of abandonment. You felt guilty for thinking about him this way – sweet, kind Atsushi, deep down you knew he would never neglect you consciously - but it was still getting harder and harder for you to remember.

The breaking point came on Friday. Even though it felt cynical, you already didn’t expect Atsushi to be on time – but you didn’t expect him to send you a text (a text!!) saying that he wouldn’t be able to make it and he’d come over the next day. It was the exact moment you finished reading the message that you lost it.

Something inside you – the dam holding in all the different emotions that build up over the past few weeks – crumbled. Your next actions were purely impulsive, logical thinking reduced to tired little speck in your mind.

You dialed Atsushi’s number. As he picked up, you didn’t leave the man even half a second to greet you and just sobbed into the phone: “Please come over. Now.”

Yes, sobbed. You didn’t register when the tears started to flow over and stain your face, but now you were trembling from the uncontrolled hiccups that interrupted your words.

And then you hung up.

Atsushi was on your doorstep 15 minutes later and ringing the doorbell like a maniac.

He was close to panicking. He was talking to Kunikida before he got the call, who witnessed his face turn paler than the moon after you hung up. Atsushi was in clear distress and proceeded to bow deeply, sputtering something about being very sorry and making it up to the older colleague, then spurting out of the room without even taking his bag with him. Kunikida didn’t dare to interfere.

Now, Atsushi has had his fair share of clashes with rivaling organizations already. He has witnessed people getting held hostage, kidnapped and threatened, including himself. So of course that is where his mind goes after receiving your call and when he arrives, he’s in a state of mind close to panic.

Imagine his relief when you open the door shortly after, physically unharmed. He grabs you by the shoulder, looking you up and down to check for any injuries. The relief only lasts a split second though because as he takes a close look at your face, his eyes widen in shock.

He doesn’t need his emotional radar to realize that something is wrong with you. Your eyes are puffy and red from all the crying, your cheeks are stained from the endless stream of tears and your lower lip is still trembling when you open him the door. You see his expression change from alert and highly worried to a second of relief and then to deeply worried again. It’s touching, really, and you are thankful to see the man you love still care about you as much as you care about him, but right now, you are too upset to let that be enough.

“(y/n)? What happened? What’s wrong??”

You drag him into the living room while he tries to find out what has happened, confused and unsettled by your behaviour. The whole situation is giving him a high level of anxiety as he feels the urgent need to ease whatever pain you are going through and, at the same time, starts to get the vague, yet suffocating feeling that he missed something terribly important.

As you sit him down on the couch and take a seat in front of him, he’s already desperately wracking his brain to understand what he could’ve done wrong, and the more he struggles to understand, the worse his desperation gets. This man is inclined to blaming the whole world’s suffering on himself and seeing his partner in such distress without understanding is already torture to him – especially as you won’t react to his questions at all.

As you start talking, his hands are folded in a cramped up position in front of his body to keep them from trembling.

At first, you manage to keep your composure while you recount what has happened. He listens attentively and eager to understand; and as the terrible realization dawns on him what had led to your current state, it doesn’t take him long to fall into an emotional pit of self-hate for not noticing his negligent behaviour. While you keep talking, you can observe how he lowers his head to avoid your gaze, hands clasping into tight fists on his knees.

He’s in a state of shock, caught between the terrible blame he’s putting upon himself and the need to somehow, in any way, make it up to you. He’s terribly afraid this may be the end of it; of your relationship, your love, everything the two of you had. He has disappointed you, he has proven to be unreliable and useless after all – that’s what the voice in his head, wearing the face of his old orphanage caretaker, is telling him.

Somewhere midway through your recount, the tears start flowing again. Even in his state of turmoil, Atsushi’s emotional radar registers your current mood swing. He automatically lifts a hand to wipe your tears away - only to have you slap it away.

You’re both shocked from your outburst of emotion, and you feel guilt spike as you see the evident hurt on his face, knowing well that he doesn’t bode well with violence in the domestic environment. That is when the anger finally dissolves and leaves back nothing but pain and the dreaded loneliness inside of you. You struggle to finish your monologue between hiccups and recurring sobs, now talking about how it all made you feel and how you didn’t want to burden him further by asking for more attention. You keep your head low, struggling not to break down physically, all the emotion that busted out of you leaving you empty and exhausted.

In the meantime, Atsushi’s mind is screaming at him. Your slap dragged him out of his shock-induced paralysis, but his head won’t stop spinning around the same questions. He made you suffer with his behaviour and he didn’t even notice. How could that happen? How could he let it go this far?

It’s only when stop talking that he dares to talk. For a few seconds, a heavy, cold silence falls over the room, nothing to be heard but both of your tears hitting the sofa. Then:

“I’m sorry.”

His voice sounds like a crumbled piece of paper, barely audible as he chokes on his words.

“I know that there is nothing I can say to make this up to you. I can see in terrifying clarity that I messed up. I just hope that there is something that I can do for you to forgive me.”

That’s were his voice starts trembling.

“I know I am not worthy of your love anymore, but I will do everything in my power to make it up to you, even if that there’s nothing I can offer you -”

By this point, Atsushi is crying too. His tears are almost silent as he muffles his sobs, not wanting to make you feel guilty for making him cry.

What he doesn’t know is that your angers has long dissipated by now. The moment he dares to lift his gaze, whole body slightly shaking from the hold-in sobs, that you realize all of this isn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want to yell at him, berate or tell him what a horrible boyfriend he has been. You didn’t want him to look so hurt, or guilty, or fearful. You just wanted him to acknowledge you again, to remember to text you, to feel his affection and love and be able to show him yours. You can’t deny that it makes you feel relieved to see him have such a strong emotional reaction though – a tiny part of you is satisfied to see how much he does indeed care for you. But this is no reason to keep him suffering.

You cut him off with a hug. It may be a simple gesture, but as you lean forward and wrap your arms around his slender shoulders, you can feel how his tense body slumps forward, falling into the embrace. Don’t get me wrong, his thoughts are still spinning 180 miles an hour and his eyes widen with the sudden gesture of love, but his body knows instinctively what it wants, how much he longed for your embrace.

“Eh? (y/n)?” – “It’s okay, Atsushi. I’m so sorry that I yelled at you…it’s alright now. I’m sorry, this is not how I wanted this to end.”

Your voice is just as shaky as his and as your equally tired body sinks against him and you press your tear-stained cheek against Atsushi’s, he’s finally able to relax. He wraps his arms around you and presses you against him in a most desperate manner, one hand buried in your hair, one on your back.

You stay like that seemingly forever, listening to each other’s heart beats, buried in each other’s warmth while you calm down. You finally start to feel again what you’ve been craving the last weeks: the safety, the closeness and the trust in Atsushi’s love and care for you. And you’re determined to make him feel the same.

So when you peel out of his strong grip, you proceed to take his hands in yours and lean your forehead against his, steadying him physically first. You continue with trying to steady him mentally second, repeating that you love him and you only felt so hurt because you feared he may be starting to lose interest in you. You assure him that this does not bring you even close to the end of your relationship and that every couple has fights of the sort, yes, even ones this bad. You repeat this again and again, until you can see the of hope in his eyes that you were waiting for.

Even though things have calmed down now, the two of you stay up all night. You started with changing into more comfortable clothing and ordering take-out. When it arrives, you sit down at the couch instead of the table, craving each other’s closeness. You snuggle up under a cosy blanket and eat, silently basking in each other’s presence.

After finishing your meal and feeling a bit recovered, you start talking again. You remind him that, even though your current emotional struggle is solved now, the problem at hand isn’t, asking him to be less compliant at the agency and not accept every task that may significantly extend his working hours.

You both know that it will be a struggle for him; of course it will, as a part of him still believes his level of helpfulness to measure his worth in the world. But he understands now that he can’t comply to everything if he wants to keep his life together and he’s determined not to let something like this happen ever again. He still feels guilty, he still feels like he failed at being your boyfriend, but after your reassurances, these feelings are more of an incentive for him to better himself. All of this he says out loud, smiling cautiously, but with the warmth you do love so much.

He promises to work less and put more time aside for you again. After you thank him, he asks you shyly for a favour in return: to approach him faster if you ever notice similar behaviour to happen again.

“I don’t want you to have to suffer through the same thing ever again.”

If you needed any last proof that he means it, this is it. You can’t do anything but reach forward to grab his face and give him a short, yet loving kiss. It’s only after that that you whisper in response:

“Only if you promise the same.”

[krappykawa]

Hi !!! can I request oikawa, osamu, hinata (+ whoever you feel like adding) reacting to their female s/o calling them "hubby" (they have never used that nickname before since it's supposed to refer to a husband) to see their reaction??? i just saw this as a tiktok prank and they were like "omg you wanna marry me??? im definitely gonna marry you" and now im sobbing so precious 🥺🥺🥺

reacting to s/o calling them hubby

characters. oikawa x f!reader, osamu x f!reader, hinata x f!reader

note. in every scenario, reader is internet famous & posts little previews of their life on tik tok!

note 2. sorry for not posting in a while,, school started again and i’ve been mentally drained but i will try and finish other requests soon!

OIKAWA.

- you guys are filming a snack review video because oikawa lost all self control while grocery shopping and literally was picking things off the shelf left and right

- he insists that he’ll finish them this time but you know that’s a lie

- but you also decide that it’s also the perfect time to try out this tik tok prank on him so he won’t be suspicious of the camera

- the camera is set up and everything so now all you have to do is say it

- “hey guys today we’re going to do a snack review because my husband bought wayyy too many snacks” cute rolling eyes and cute little smile directed at oikawa that makes your watchers go 🥺🥺

- IT TAKES HIM SO LONG TO REALIZE

- like you’re literally staring at him waiting for him to realize but he doesn’t

- you’re halfway through opening your first bag when he finally realizes

- “WAIT”

- you look to the camera to make sure you’re filming this whole thing

- “you said husband.”

- “i did?”

- “YEAH! you did. i heard you say it.”

- “no i didn’t!”

- “check the video y/n-chan. i heard you say it.”

- he makes you replay the video because he will whine and pout until he makes sure that you hear it

- practically lights up when he hears it again

- “hmm does that mean you wanna marry me yn-chan?”

- “no it doesn’t”

- he notices the small blush on your cheeks points all over your face. “ooo you wanna marry me so bad huh?”

- the living incarnation of the 😏 emoji

- big cocky smile on his face bc he takes it as an accomplishment that you called him your husband on accident

- his eyes are secretly all teary-eyed though because HUSBAND?,$3;!9 💓💓💓💓💖💞💘💞💘

- he decides right there and then that he’s gonna propose soon because he thinks his heart physically bursts at the idea of you calling him husband for real

- the only reason he doesn’t propose right there is because 1. he doesn’t have a ring and 2. his an extra little bitch that wants to keep you on your toes while also making sure that his proposal is so good that you’ll end up crying happy tears

- when you post the video on tik tok oikawa makes sure to like every single comment that says “THEY’RE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE UGH WHY DONT THEY JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY”

OSAMU.

- his ass loves food so he literally lights up at the idea of doing a mukbang

- at first he insists that you don’t film it because he’s lowkey creeped out about the idea of eating in front of a camera just for people to listen to him eat

- he finally agrees to filming it when you promise to make the mukbang have all his favorite foods

- what he doesn’t know is that you’re simultaneously trying a tik tok prank on him

- “hey guys! welcome back to my channel! today we have a special guest, my husband, osamu because we’re doing a mukbang and you will always find this guy with food in his mouth, no joke.”

- he catches your little slip-up right away

- “husand huh? ya got something ya wanna say?”

- doesn’t even care that there’s a camera in front of you (he thinks you’ll just edit it out anyway)

- you play innocent because where’s the fun in telling him it’s for a tik tok right away?? “hmm what are you on about miya?”

- “what i’m on about is that yer telling me that you want to be a miya.”

- WEE WOO WEE WOO OSAMU EYEBROW RAISE WEE WOOO WEE WOO

- “i guess i do like the ring on miya y/n”

- “is this a proposal then?”

- cue shit-eating grin from you. “nah, the man in question isn’t here. you don’t happen to know atsumu’s ring size do you?”

- osamu’s little impish grin drops so quick and now he’s playfully glaring at you

- “ya say shit like that again and i’ll make ‘sumu switch places with me on the altar when we get married.”

- you're laughing into your knee at that point until you make a realization

- “wait. you said when we get married. not if.”

- “i didn’t stutter did i miya?”

- tik tok comments blow up with squealing fans bc OHMYGSOJD

HINATA.

- you’re a proud gf so you’re more than happy when someone asks you to live stream with your volleyball famous bf

- you also thought it might be a good time to pull this prank on him that you saw on tik tok and get his reaction on live camera because it’s bound to be funny since he’s hinata

- after one of his games you run up to him and hug him before telling him that your followers wanted to live stream with him

- “oh ive seen those!! i’d love to say hi to your fans!! do they know i play volleyball??”

- “yes, babe that’s the whole reason they wanted to meet you.”

- “REALLY???”

- you laugh at how cute he is and then turn on the live

- “hey guys, the long wait is over! here i am with my husband, world famous hinata shoyo! he just finished a game and-”

- “HUSBAND?” he interrupts you and he looks kind of giddy at the prospect. “does this mean you want to marry me y/n??” blushy happy hinata because you bet your ass he’s thought about it before but just didn’t know how to go about talking to you about the idea of marriage

- “what happens if i say yes?” you’ve thought about it too, so you playfully entertain his excitement.

- “then let’s get married!”

- you have to do a double take because you didn’t think he was actually serious. “wait really?”

- “you want to right? that’s what you said!”

- “of course i do! i just didn’t think you would propose right here right now.”

- “why not? i love you, you love me. you want to get married, i want to get married. so let’s get married!”

- the comments are blowing up because oh my god you just managed to accidentally capture your future husband’s proposal on an instagram live

- bokuto and atsumu overheard the whole thing and tackled the two of you into a group hug

- let’s just say your live ended on a frame of bokuto’s face close up because he’s so happy that “the student is getting married!!!”

- atsumu pulls out of the hug for a second and being the little shit he is, runs to the locker room and comes back with a ring pop

- “can’t propose without a ring shoyo! where are yer manners??”

- hinata actually gets down on one knee and proposes with the ring pop and you’re so red because at this point the entire stadium is watching

- you say yes anyway

[faegirly]

*shuffles in and waves* Hello, friend! I hope you have been doing well so far! I see that your requests are still open, so I hope you do not mind me requesting for a scenario with Kokomi x g!n reader, where the latter is planning on surprising their gf by returning home early from a scouting mission, but get too tired so they sorta fall asleep on the bed, and are woken up by an ecstatic but worried Kokomi? XD

*waves back* hello again, friend.✨ it's nice to see you in my inbox again. ive been alright, i hope you're well too. and yes, that sounds like a great scenario. I hope my take on it is to your liking 💫

~

Wishes Granted, Longing Relieved - Kokomi x Gender Neutral Watatsumi General Reader

~

home had alot of meanings to alot of people, but to you, over the past few months, having been away from everything familiar while on a reconnisance mission for your brigade in the Sangonomiya forces, it meant only a handful of things. as you marched back up the large clam-shell platforms to the centre of the island with your troup, you couldnt help but grin hearing their excitement bubble around you like embers sparking up from a poked fire.

"Ah, you wouldn't understand how badly I miss her!" one of your men said, his grey eyes gleaming despite the lack of moonlight in the sky above, cheeks flushed with rosy pink as he clutched a small pack wrapped in cloth to his chest. "We wrote to each other nearly every day and I saved all her letters, but the last one she sent I didnt reply to."

"Why not? Did something happen?" the soldier beside him asked as he used his polearm as a cane to keep himself moving.

but the first young man, his tousled brown hair bouncing about his brow, shook his head as he beamed, "Nono not at all. I just... " he paused, dropping his eyes as his smile stretched somehow even wider than before. "I just want to tell her what I was going to write to her face, see her, hold her again. I can't wait."

the solider beside him chuckled and clapped his friend on the back before you stepped up beside them to head to the main palace instead of the village. reaching the steps, you paused and they did to, turning to bow to you as you smiled, "Again, well done on the campaign, men. You've made Sangonomiya proud. Get some rest, and take care. We'll gather again in a couple of days. Understood?"

"Yes, General!" they said in unison, bowing again before heading off towards the village, and after a slow sigh, you turned to head up to the palace yourself.

quiet as always, you slipped inside your home again, the distant and ever constant smell of sea salt and vanilla greeting you quickly as you closed the door behind you. you took in a deep breath, closing your eyes as the warmth of being back in a familiar place enveloped you so easily, so perfectly that when you exhaled, all the weight of the fatigue and expectation of return dropped through your body, sending you into the wall beside you.

Kokomi's shocked face had been at the front of your mind also. for the past week on your journey home from Ritou and Jinren Island, all you could think about was the gleaming shock in her ethereal eyes when she saw you standing in the doorway to your bedroom a month before you were due back, the brittle silence that would leave both of you too nervous to move in case it was a dream. you bit your lip as you grinned just at the thought of it all and trudged to the living room to sit for a moment, sinking into the couch and the long missed plushness of it's fabric with a groaning sigh.

yes, it was good to be home. the stillness, the peace, all of it was worth the extra hours out in the field to return to before schedule but the more you sat there waiting for the sound of some movement, the more the burden of your extra effort caught up to you.

a large yawn rose up from within you, the exhale pulling your eyelids down over your gaze just as quickly, but you did your best to blink through it. though it wasn't long before the table and fireplace before you began to blur a little, then sway and then fall sideways as you collapsed onto the couch, sleep finally claiming you before you'd even had a chance to say hello to your beloved priestess.

~

"Thank you, I'll see you in the morning." Kokomi smiled at the shrine maidens before she turned from the shrine and began her venture back to the palace. she pushed out a breath and lifted her eyes to the stars, her heart fluttering when, by chance, she caught sight of the tail end of a shooting star. she paused in the middle of the path and stared up, similar to how she would when swimming in the centre pool of the island.

it was as if the whole world stilled around her, and all that existed was her heartbeat, her breath and her longing thoughts of you.

clasping her gloved hands to her chest, Kokomi closed her eyes and smiled softly as she whispered into the night, "A completed mission, a safe return, a deep and full rest that is more than earned. That is all I ask for." and after a few heartbeats, she took another breath and continued on home, thinking of you all the way, her general, her partner.

her smile remained in every single step she took, the trust she had in your ability to get the task done efficiently calming her enough to let her hum softly as she climbed the steps to the front door. yes she missed you, yes the cold side of the bed where you usually lay was painful to roll over and find every morning since you left, but it would just be a few more weeks of separation, and it would be worth it. surely, it would be.

the priestess of Sangonomiya continued humming as she crossed the threshold, then closed and locked the door behind her, about to take a deep sigh of relief when a slow rumbling sound echoed against the marble pillars either side of the front door behind her.

every inch of her body went cold as she froze there, eyes wide and hand at her chest. it was too late for this, and besides that, there was no way an intruder could have gotten into her home, the palace at the heart of Sangonomiya without having to get through four sets of guards, shrine maidens and soldiers, and they were all still at their posts.

the priestess's heart thumped hard and fast in her chest. of all nights, it had to be one when you weren't here too, but she wasn't about to falter and let her home be broken into. stilling her breath, Kokomi slowly approached the sound.

step after timid step, the high priestess stepped across the cool floor towards the sound, one hand to her chest, the other poised at her hip. it was coming from the livingroom.

"why arent you here?" she thought as she swallowed dry, but just as she rounded the corner, her panic faded and instead of calling out in warning, she gasped softly.

a shrill scream snapped you out of sleep immediately, the shock that slapped your body making you sit bolt upright before your eyes were fully open, but even before you could do that, you were tackled back onto the couch again.

"W-What the-" you started, only to finally blink out of your nap and find the luminescent pale pink hair, flushed cheeks and bright smile of your beloved girlfriend Kokomi before your face as she continued to squeal and laugh and eventually cry right before you.

"YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE BACK! Oh you're home! Thank goodness you're home!" Kokomi exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around you and laughed through her tears of equal joy, holding onto you tightly as if letting go would mean you'd disappear.

and you, after the silent stunned shock of being jumped on, felt the prickle of tears behind your eyes also. a moment later, you hugged her back, arms holding her close to your chest as a bubble of relieved laughter rose from within you. "Yeah... I'm home now."

the priestess chuckled as she sat up on your lap, taking your face in her soft hands and letting her eyes dart all over your face, her thumbs brushing gently over the small scars on your cheek and bottom lip. her smile faded at the sight of them, and as you gently rubbed her sides to ease her concern silently, ahe muttered, "You're not due back for a month. The schedule- everything we'd planned..."

"The men and I really worked hard to get everything in order out there and we managed to finish early so... why not come home early too? Plus I..." you paused then, dropping you gaze and feeling what you could only imagine the soldier you had walked up with felt as he talked about his partner. a rushing, unending rise of warmth that flooded every single fibre of your being, and overflowed in a shudder of tingles and tears as you met Kokomi's gaze again. smiling as you leaned your cheek into her palm, you whispered, "Being away from you for a mere moment was unbearable. I would never prolong it more than necessary."

and then it was the priestess's turn to blush a wide smile before pressing her forehead to yours for a moment and then tilting her head to kiss you softly. you hummed against her lips and pulled her closer, the sudden desperation to be as close to her as possible flooding your skin and making you tremble when she pulled away to wrap her arms around you tightly, sighing as she sank into the warmth that was your body.

"I'm so glad you did." she muttered into your neck. "I missed you too."

and those words made all your time apart worth it. you took a breath as you held her close, the tenderness and peace you'd glimpsed when you stepped into the palace now flooding into you fully, and smiling at last, you relaxed against the couch with Kokomi in your arms, at last content with everything in the world.

end

[summercurial]

weekend report

okay so on friday i drove down to L&G's place, got there about 9. H&E are there, drove down together and got there abt 5 i think. nominally we are helping L&G move, but they have not packed...basically anything. anyway theyre having a barbecue. they object to me just wearing a t shirt and jeans, and search through L's stuff, almost all of which is far too small for me (he was such small ribs...) to find me something. they settle on this weird lace texture see through romper thing (fit pics under the cut, for space). i have no sufficiently aesthetic bra, so im going braless, my nipples are out about half the time. anyway we go out to the barbecue, they forgot to buy veggie burgers, we hang out at the picnic tables, i have some claw, E is very aroused by the romper, call me cute lots, kisses me hard up against a tree (i got some scratches on my back lol) which i think is the first time ive been kissed against a tree. ive mentioned before theyre all like, fit, so he can lift me up easy. anyway once theyre done with the barbecuing we head back upstairs. at 11 W&El arrive, the tragic egg/repressor and shitty gf. he's wearing earings. he's obscenely cute, i am sexually aggressive to him, yknow, push him down on the bed, make out with him, tackle him, etc. i ask to sleep in L&G's bed but i walked around barefoot so i was not allowed. theres 7 people and three beds so i sleep in W&El's bed, W in the middle. thought it could be fun but it wasnt really, W is timid but hes also sort of unflappable so hes not fun to toy with but also doesnt grope me or whatever.

anyway the next day we do some actual move out stuff, theres packing, theres boxes, theres lots of drinking per uje. i am assigned a close-fitting weedprint dress, they really gassed me up abt how it fit me. me and E are assigned to return an old keg and an old textbook. we drop off the keg, pick up some claw, i bring an open claw into the university bookstore and after hanging out for like 10 minutes i am asked to leave. once back i decide to help out carrying L&G's ludicrous quantity of liquor down to the car, ensweaty my weed dress and shed it and shower (for the second time that day, i showered with E earlier). mostly hung out in undie for the rest of the day, tried on various things while they were clearing out clothes and trying to pawn some of them off. eventually settled on a weird tank top with a really long back, which we called the dune fit (unforch no pic!)

i got to spend some time cuddling with E&G for a while. W&El were very quiet. we had a hard time pretending to like El, i felt really guilty. i said some mean-ish stuff while drunk. while El was away, i probed W on them getting married at 22. he said it was just because they need her family's financial support, and they want to live together, and so they need to get married. i head that seemed sadly unromantic, which he didnt really contest. i said he'd look cute in a wedding dress. during the long going-through-clothes section, he put on several dresses. he looked cute. god ceaseless pity. we got some delicious chipotle. we stayed up very late drinking, G drank a gallon. i got lots of pets. at chipotle time they spontaneously started rapping some epic rap battles of history, i asked what it was and when they told me i started laughing at them hard, because ERBoH sucks. they did the thing they do where they give a touch embargo when i make fun of them hard so i got super drunk to take my pride away. while drunk and laying with E&G i started talking about how this sufficiently drunk and prideless branch of me is distant enough to not really "be" the main normal summer, but that both branch-summer and trunk-summer agree that branch-summer is more optimal, pride is useless if it takes away your pleasure.

anyway in the morning and because E said he would drive me up i had some beer and claws, took a shower with G, sucked his dick some in the shower (i dont think i did a very good job but its hard to get air when sometimes theres water on your nose :/). he mentioned the previous night he really talked up my head skills to E (despite making out tons of times and him knowing i would totally suck his dick for literally 2 years, he has not asked) so i was sort of anticipating a move but none was forthcoming. anyway we hung out for a couple more hours, i had a fun little talk with L where he asked if he was too mean to me (i said no, although sometimes i worry he doesnt like me, and he says he does like me, he just gets annoyed sometimes) me and E drove home, he fun-drove which was fun, i spent most of the time in and out of sleep, cuddling with his arm mostly (we kept it cold in the car)

i was kind of pathetic this weekend, but like. being pathetic as long as its not annoying is like. totally harmless. pride is useless to me when it doesnt protect me. i got called cute so many times this weekend, it was WONDERFUL. also i got lots of touch. and i got to be helpful. they assigned me a couple special summer jobs, i grabbed all the magnets

outfits under cut:

bonus dress, cute but uncomfy tight on the ribs