#james can’t resist Reggie

[ayoooo3]

Imagine… that Regulus Black didn’t die that day in the cave, and instead chose to disappear, to walk away from the war and try to start again.

Imagine… that Regulus steps away from magic altogether and tries to find a place in the muggle world. Along the way he reinvents himself completely.

Imagine… 10 years down the line James stumbles into this muggle candy shop he’s heard of, where it seems like magic fills the air. His curiosity fueling the need to see it for himself.

Imagine… James getting the air knocked out of his lungs because there at the counter is his Reggie, handing out candy to customers, a smile on his face as he watches them scream and laugh and try to figure out how the candy works. James knows it’s magic even if the other customers don’t.

Imagine… Regulus looking up and seeing James, a smile creeping across his face as he presses a finger to his lips and nods towards the delighted customers.

Imagine… Regulus whispering “look at them, Jamie. If anyone can use a bit of magic, it’s them, isn’t it?”

Imagine… they get to fall in love all over again.

(This TikTok got me thinking and as always Will was there to add fuel the fire… and the perfect dialog for Reg)

[teaforthotxxx]

I feel like Professor Regulus Black would be such a shit once Harry starts playing quidditch. Like sure thats his son but fuck Gryffindors. As the head of Slytherin house, he would show up to Harry’s games in full silver and green. He stands in the Slytherin stands with giant banners for Slytherin. It annoys Harry to no end. Because he knows Reggie loves him but Harry is a Gryffindor and he wants more support for Gryffindor.

Harry would beg Remus to dress up in Red and gold but of course be wouldn’t. Professor Lupin doesn’t care about Quidditch. Harry goes as far as to beg Minerva Mcgonagall to dress up but none of the Gryffindor professors are willing to break dress code for this.

But, then, he gets an idea right before the Christmas Quidditch games. He knows that he may not convince his professors to dress up but there is one way to make them wear what he wants. So, he commissions two giant couple scarves from Mrs Molly Weasley. Both red and gold. He gives them to his dad James Potter and his godfather Sirius Black as early Christmas presents. Then, he asks them to wear them to his game.

AND just as he planned, he sees Remus and Sirius in the Gryffindor stands wrapped in a giant scarf. Remus looks begrudging but he can’t resist how happy it makes Sirius. Then, Harry swoops past the Slytherin stands, he finds Regulus and James snuggled in one giant red and gold scarf. They are still in slytherin but the banners have changed to “Go Harry!” and “THATS OUR SON!”. James was such a sap he wanted them to wear couples costumes and as Gryffindor’s previous headboy, he just HAD to wear red and gold. So, Reg was wearing his old quidditch jersey cute gold rings with rubies.

Harry is so proud he pulled one over Regulus. But, more importantly, he can’t stop laughing at the shocked expressions on Malfoy’s and Zabini’s faces!!

[kiwi2229]

Tiny steps

(James Potter / Regulus Black | 806 words)

For @jegulus-microfic prompt: Table

“Please.” James is looking at him with those puppy eyes that are really hard to resist. Not that Regulus is not trying. “I wanna see.”

“Stop whining, this blackmail is not gonna work.”

“But you saw Prongs,” James whines again. Ever since James found out Regulus is an animagus he hasn’t shut up about it.

“It’s not a big deal, James.”

James hesitates for a moment and then something victorious sparkles in his eyes. “You know, Reggie, I’m surprised. This is not very Slytherin of you. I thought you would be proud of what you achieved but maybe it’s that easy that everyone can do it. I mean I did.”

“It is not easy!” Regulus hisses and he knows he walked himself into that trap the second the words leave his mouth.

“So why don’t you show me?”

Regulus breathes out. Why can’t James just let things go. “He doesn’t like being around people,” Regulus admits truthfully.

This makes James to pause. “Oh, but… he would like me, wouldn’t he?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Why?” James asks sadly. Regulus walks towards James’ bed to stand between his legs. He softly cradles through the boy’s black curls and smiles at the feeling of James leaning to the touch.

“There are instincts in you, that you can control when you are human. But when you are an animal, your thoughts are not that clear.”

James rests his chin on Regulus' chest looking up at him. “Let me try, please.”

Regulus sights. It’s a lost battle he knows it. He kisses the top of James' head and takes a few steps back. “Don’t be disappointed if this won’t work out.”

Regulus takes a deep breath. Usually, he goes in his animagus form to the forest with no one around. He climbs the trees and digs in the ground. He has his favourite spot on the roof of one of the towers where he just lies in the sun for hours.

He feels the magic in him, the second heartbeat and shifts.

As always, the world seems a lot bigger from the perspective of a small kitten. He shakes his head to clear some fog of his brain. His head snaps to look at the source of the voice. “Reggie, you are so cute!” Before he can react, James is on his feet, taking long steps and reaching towards him.

The kitten squeaks and in a second it’s hiding behind the leg of the table. “Oh, Reg I’m sorry,” James says as he sits on the ground in front of the table. Regulus pushes through the kitten's instincts. He doesn’t want James to think he doesn’t like him. It feels better when the boy is sitting down. “I won’t be loud again, I promise.”

Regulus meows softly. He can see James biting his lip to stay quiet. He slowly walks around the table, his paws silent against the rug. He stops a few feet from the boy holding very still. James smiles at him as he whispers “Hello.”

He lifts his hand to touch him. Regulus fights the kitten again keeping it stay at the same spot. He digs his claws into the rug. He won’t run. He can’t, but hell he wants to. He can hear the fearful whine grumble in the kitten’s chest, his paws trembling. James snatches his hand away and the kitten flinches at the sudden movements.

They both hold very still as James clearly works something out in his mind. The kitten relaxes a little bit. “Oh, you are afraid of hands,” James says softly as he stares at his hands like they personally offended him. “I’m sorry, love. But you know I wouldn’t hurt you, right?” Regulus nods because he knows that. It’s James. “But instincts…” James whispers more to himself in understanding.

Before Regulus can do anything else James is moving again. He lies on the floor on his stomach, his arms folded underneath his chest. “How about this? See? I won’t touch you.”

The kitten eyes him suspiciously, but without the big grabby hands, it is easier for the kitten to move. Regulus hasn’t realised that this could be the solution. He slowly approaches the boy, who patiently holds very still. He stops in front of him looking deep into those brown eyes.

“You are very beautiful,” James whispers and when the kitten just blinks in interest he continues. “I love the grey colour. Also, don’t bite me, but I can’t get over how fluffy and cute you are.”

Regulus wrinkles his nose the long whiskers flying around as James laughs. With his heightened hearing the sound completely surrounds him. It’s not deafening or threatening. No. James' laughter was always calming for Regulus. He meows happily and bumps his nose against James' glasses leaving a smudged spot.

“We got this, little one,” James promises and the kitten purrs.

[addisonstars]

"dance the night away"

@jegulus-microfic // day 25: bathroom // 559 words

Parties in the Gryffindor common room were never a low-key event. They were always filled with loud music, dancing, glasses of whatever non-water substance they could get their hands on. This party was no less, especially because their N.E.W.T.S. were done with, and the end of school was approaching. 

Invites extended to most of the upper years, so Regulus made a rare appearance here because he wanted to celebrate with James. 

The two of them were currently dancing together in the area they had set up, and a fast-paced song was playing over the magicked speakers in the room. “Having fun, love?” James shouted over the lyrics. 

Regulus shrugged, “Eh. It’s not really my scene, but I enjoy seeing you happy.” Regulus smiled at James. 

“Your friends seem to be having loads of fun over there,” and James nods in the direction of Barty and Evan, who always said that they weren't fucking or dating, yet seemed a little too close to not be. 

Regulus rolled his eyes, “those two can’t take their hands or mouth off each other.” 

“Well, If I wasn’t such a gentleman, I wouldn't be able to either.” James said as he winked. 

Rolling his eyes again, Regulus said, “I have to go to the bathroom, but I’ll be back in a minute. Okay?” 

“I’ll be right here.” 

Not even 2 minutes later, James decides that he no longer wants to be a gentleman. He goes to the bathroom to find Regulus, who had just finished washing his hands. James walked up to behind him, grabbed his waist and spun him around, so James could press a kiss to his lips. 

“Omph,” Regulus gasped as he leaned back in to kiss James deeper. Regulus craned his neck to get better access to James’ lips, and James opened up for him. Once tongue got involved, Regulus was gone, gone, gone. He was making noises even though he tried not to. 

“James,” he pulled back, out of breath, “if you don't stop, I’m not going to stop.” 

“I see no problem with that Reggie.” James silenced Regulus with another kiss. 

Regulus pulled away more this time, “Barty and Evan, however engrossed in each other they may be, are going to wonder where I went.” 

James nodded, pulling back. “Are you sure though?” 

“James, yes, just…here come on.” Regulus exited the bathroom with James’ hand in his. He walked past Barty and Evan, and didn’t even look at them, but yet, they pulled away from sucking at each other's neck to make a crude comment at the pair of them. 

“In the Gryffindor bathroom of all places, Regulus, not even I have done that before.” Barty said, and winked at Regulus. 

Regulus had to resist the urge to say “I told you so” to James, so he settled for a glare instead. “Barty, shut up. I don’t want to hear anything about my relationship until you figure out yours,” and he walked away with James still in tow. 

After they were out of earshot, James laughed as they stepped out back onto the dancefloor. “Those two sure are something.” 

“That's one way to put it,” Regulus grinned. 

James stepped closer to Regulus, “enough talk about them Regulus, I want to dance with you!” He shouted, and they danced the rest of the night away.

rosekiller appreance! i love barty and evan so much hehe -a.s.

[vinylfoxbooks]

July 14 - Rejection | @jegulus-microfic | wc: 774 Part 10 of Medium!James AU Previous Part | First Part

It’s a nice, lazy Saturday. A couple days after the full moon, but Remus is doing alright so they’re not too worried about it. Said man is half-asleep on his bed, not doing much other than just laying with his eyes closed. James and Sirius are lounging on James’ bed, prattling away, and Pete is working on an essay. 

“So,” Sirius starts, turning to fully look at James, “James? Are you and Reggie together?”

James sighs, “No, we’re not.” They shake their head, “I’d like to date him, but…”

“Why don’t you?” Remus asks, his voice quiet, “It’s clear that he likes you back.”

“I don’t know.” James shakes their head, “I think part of it is that he’s still living with the Blacks, but he’s not making a move and I don’t want to push it. I don’t want to push my luck.” 

“It looked like you guys were about to kiss the other day.” Sirius teases.

“Felt like it, too…” they sigh, “And maybe we would’ve, if it weren’t for you.”

“Sorry.”

Pete snorts, “No you’re not.”

“I am absolutely not.” Sirius responds, grinning. Then his expression sobers up and he regards James with a soft look, “Just ask him out. I can guarantee that he likes you back and that he’d say yes.”

James shakes their head, closing their eyes and covering them with their arm, “I can’t. After dealing with all of Lily’s rejection, it’s just…”

“I know the two of you guys don’t like to talk about that,” Remus starts, “But maybe you should talk to Lily about it. You’ve cleared things up with your relationship now, I get that you’re friends, but I think you both need the closure of talking about it. And it might help you get the courage to ask Regulus out.”

“I’m not sure it will help, but I’ll try.” They stand up and head out of the dorm, saying goodbye to their friends. Marlene is out in the common room, talking quietly to Dorcas and leaning into the slytherin’s body, “Hey girls, do either of you know where Lily is?”

Marlene shoots them a look, “Do you not know where she is?”

“Not my turn with it.” They shake their head. 

“I think she’s in the library.” Marlene answers after a couple seconds, both Gryffindors ignoring the confused look that Dorcas is casting between the two of them at their words. 

“Thanks Marls.” And with that, they’re sweeping out of the common room and making their way to the library. They find Lily sitting at a table near the back, where she normally studies with Remus, her books and parchments splayed out all over the table in front of her. 

She looks up when she hears him, tucking a strand of hair that’s fallen from their ponytail behind her ear, “Hi, James.”

“Hey Lils.” James smiles, sitting down across from her, “Can we… talk.”

The girl makes a mark on the paper she was working on then puts her quill in its place, “Yeah, of course. What did you want to talk about?”

“Can we talk…” they clear their throat, “About the whole me having a massive crush on you and the constant rejection. Remus said it might help get both of us some closure.” Then quickly, they add, “But if you don’t want to, we don’t have to.”

“No, I think it would be good.” She smiles, “For both of us. Did you want to talk here or somewhere more private?”

James thinks for a moment before casting a silencing charm on the table and around them before humming, “I think this is fine.” Lily nods and the two of them get to talking.

It’s an eventful talk, both explaining their sides. The way that they were affected by the whole thing, a whole lot of apologizing from James--which Lily starts telling them to stop with after about the tenth apology, insisting that she forgives him and they didn’t walk away from the whole thing unscathed, before being met with resistance everytime because it was so much worse for her--and James can confidently say that the two of them will be walking out of the conversation feeling much better about their earlier years and with their friendship closer than before. 

Although, James can’t say that it helped them feel better about asking Regulus out. Comfortable with their friendship with Lily and walking out of a talk on what the issues were, James still can’t help but shake the possibility that no one would want them. Especially not someone like Regulus. 

And now they’re going to be spending winter hols with him. 

Great.

Next Part

[margareturtle]

Marauders & Co & Their pets

Jegulus - 3 cats and 2 dogs: before they moved in together James had a retriever and Regulus had two cats. They get a third cat when Pandora’s cat has kittens and they can’t resist, same goes for their second dog when wolfstar’s dog accidentally get pregnant and ends up with puppies so of course Jegulus keeps one.

Dorlene - 1 dog + 1 cat: Marlene has a collie, Dorcas isn’t a big animal person, except she loves Marlene’s dog. The weren’t planning to get a cat but they just clicked with one of Pandora’s cats kittens and took her home.

Wolfstar - 3 dogs + 1 cat: they started with one dog (a german shepherd) who had puppies and then they kept two of the pups. Sirius was original opposed to getting a cat but then he went with Remus to see the kittens at Pandalilys house and one of the kittens climbed up Sirius’ shoulder and fell asleep around his neck and he was convinced. He is still only a cat person for his cat, he maintains his hatred for reggie’s cats (they hissed at him first!!)

Pandalily - 4 cats and a Dog: Pandora’s two cats plus two kittens they kept and Lily’s great dane

Rosekiller - The Snake (Zar you will always be famous) and one of pandora’s cats kittens.

Emmary - a horse, two dogs, and a cat: Emmeline’s horse she got as a teen (she is a horse girl!!) that still stays at Emmeline’s parents farm. Emmeline’s springer spaniel that always comes on trail rides and they also get one of Pandora’s cat’s kittens and one of Wolfstar’s dogs pups

Nobleflower - a horse and a dog: Narcissa’s horse (that boards at Emmeline’s family’s farm they’re besties) and one of Wolfstar’s dogs pups (Alice and Cissa both always wanted to have a dog but didn’t have one growing up so Cissa was the first to get one when she found out about the puppies)

Tedromeda - two dogs: their first born is actually their golden retriever pup while Nymphadora is their second. They aren’t planning to get one of Wolfstar’s dogs pups, but Sirius brings Dora over when he is babysitting and after Dora meets them she will not let it go until her parents relent and get one of the puppies.

Quillkiller - 2 dogs and a teacup pig: one of wolfstar’s dogs pups, Rita’s golden doodle, + a teacup pig Bella just came home with one day.

[starchaserdreams]

I know we all say Sirius would be shocked/appalled by Regulus and James (at least at first). But what if it was his idea? I’m working on making this a longer fic, but here’s what happened in my head just now:

“Won’t it be weird?” James asked nervously, “he’s your brother.”

“Nahhh,” Sirius replied easily. “I mean c’mon, you’ve been saying you want to get back to dating, and that you’d only do it for someone who was cute with a kind heart and a deep love for Quidditch. I mean that’s Reg to a T, don’t you think?”

James grimaced. 

“I mean sure, but he’s your brother.”

“Well obviously,” Sirius replied, twirling his wand in his fingers and watching the movement as though this wasn’t the weirdest conversation they’d ever had, as though it was a perfectly normal suggestion, “which is why I know him so well - just like I know you so well - and I know what would be great for him. And you of course. You’re just as important to me, you know.”

James just shook his head, not really knowing what to make of this. Sirius had very obviously been reaching out to Regulus to convince him to leave home all year. James had no hope, but Sirius clearly wasn’t giving up on him. 

And James couldn’t help but wonder if that had anything to do with this.

“It would piss off my parents to no end, but I don’t think Reg would be that way about it, I think he’d enjoy your sunny personality.”

James laughed despite himself. “‘Sunny personality?’ What are you on about?”

Sirius shrugged, eyes still focused on the tricks his fingers were doing with his wand. 

“Yeah, you know, you’re like a happy ball of energy, and Reggie’s like fire and ice all at once. And opposites attract, obviously. Plus, like I said, you think he’s the best seeker in the school.”

James’ eyes widened. 

“I have never said that to you! Why would you think that?!”

Sirius’ wand stilled, and his eyes finally met James’. When they did, James realized why he’d been fiddling with his wand. Sirius was entirely earnest about this matchmaking he was doing. Strange as James thought it was, Sirius really believed in it.

“James, mate, be real here. I’ve seen you watching him play Quidditch. And then you can’t stop talking about his flying for hours. I’ve also seen you eyeing him in the corridor. And when he thinks you aren’t looking, he stares at you.” James felt like he was blushing everywhere. “I know you’d never do anything about it because he’s my brother, but be honest with me. Don’t you think it’d be good for both of you? I know you do.”

James’ jaw had dropped slightly while Sirius had been speaking, and he shut it immediately when he realized. 

“Oh,” James said slowly, “Pads, I’m-” but he cut off. He wasn’t sorry exactly, since he had very clearly not done anything wrong, and Sirius knew he would have forever resisted all impulse to do anything about it.

A smile pulled up the corner of Sirius’ lips. 

“Ask him out,” he said. “Please. You could be so, so good for him.”

James nodded, cheeks still firmly on fire.

“Are you sure?” he asked. The whole thing still seemed ridiculous to him.

Sirius nodded, and gave James that cheeky Sirius Black grin. 

“Yes, Prongs, I’m sure. And when it works out, you’ll owe me one.”

A laugh escaped James’ mouth before he realized it was coming.

Okay then, he would do it.

[seventiesdeadgaywizards]

heyyyy i love your work sm!!!

do you think you could possibly do a wolfstar or jegulus wedding anniversary? maybe with baby harry??

thank you sm

have a great day and pls drink water <3333

snowfall and a special day

warnings: one use of explicit language, mentions of food, talk of male! pregnancies

genre: absolute fluff

pairing: regulus black x james potter, background evan rosier x barty crouch jr and remus lupin x sirius black

word count: 1k+

a/n: this is my first request on this account so thank you anon! it was a really cute one and i couldn’t resist with the rosekiller uncles as well as wolfstar. it just made sense to me with james’ friends there would be reggie’s as well

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Regulus had woken up to James gently stroking his hair, Harry nestled in between them, his soft breaths barely audibly. Regulus smiled down at him, not wanting to get up even though he had to, just wanting to stay with their small but perfect family. 

Eventually, he looks up at James, whispering as to not wake Harry. “I’ve got work, I’m coming home early though,” James nods with a smile and plants a kiss to his forehead. 

Regulus gets up quietly, ignoring Harry’s half awake pouts of “Papa! Come back!”, no matter how adorably they are. He throws on a suit, as he’s been able to ask for the afternoon off and only two meetings in the morning. He was excited, he’d be seeing Barty and Evan for the first time since they moved into their new place tonight. They’d also see Sirius and Remus. When they’d denied having a party because Harry was too young, Sirius had taken it upon himself to insist that they let him bring drinks. 

They’d spaced out the visits for Harry’s sake, knowing that both groups of adults would want to see him. They were seeing more friends tomorrow, but today was all that mattered.

Work passed by in a flash, just a whole bunch of nodding along and taking notes. By the time 1 o’clock came along, he was ready to see his husband and Harry again, and excited for their visitors. James had at first been pouting about the fact that he had to work on their anniversary, suggesting everything from calling in sick to blocking the conference rooms in the middle of the night from the inside so oops, looks like I’ll have to go home. Regulus had laughed and said it was fine, even though he had also wanted to just call in sick, he didn’t want to waste a sick day.

He rushed home, loosening his tie on the way in and racing upstairs to get changed, giving James a quick “Hello, love,” and a kiss on the cheek. He pulls on a Tshirt and jeans, before going downstairs as James wakes Harry. 

After a few minutes of rushed taking food out and last-minute cleaning, the doorbell rang. Regulus got it, smiling as he opened it. He hugged Barty and Evan tightly, laughing and joking with them. However, Barty soon made his motives clear. “Move your ass, Reg, I’m here to see my nephew!” Evan laughed and apologized for his behavior, and Regulus acted hurt before moving aside and letting Harry run towards them. 

“Uncle Rosie!” Harry proclaims, racing on his chubby legs toward the door as Evan crouches down to hug him and lift him off his feet. He’d taken to calling Evan that after hearing Barty call him Rosy, and Evan thought it was absolutely adorable. 

Barty fakes deep sadness as Harry chooses Evan over him, and Harry comes over, giving him a hug too. Barty shoots Regulus a look over Harry's hair, and says so Harry can’t hear; “I’m an afterthought. You’ve taught him horribly, Reg.” Regulus laughed. 

They talked for a while, James and Regulus asking about they’re move and family and all, and Harry enthusiastically showing his Uncles all of his favorite toys.

At 4:30, however, they have to go, as Pandora was throwing a party the same night. As they leave, they hear Barty tell Evan; “Okay, we need a child.” Evan laughs, then responds with, “You’d be the pregnant one, Bee, and I don’t think you’d manage that.” “Fine, then adoption!” Is Barty’s indignant answer, to which Evan responds with a hum, as though sure, let’s see how long it takes till you’re sick of it.

At around four fourty-five, the doorbell rings again. James opens it this time to Sirius and Remus, letting them in as Harry once again runs to greet the visitors. They hug Harry, laughing. Harry, however, immediately runs to Sirius, one objective in mind: pulling his bun out. Today it had a paintbrush in it of which the tip had been dyed pink after not washing it, and they hadn’t wanted to throw it away.

Sirius, boastful that Harry chose him, let’s out a squeak of surprise as he immediately grabs the paintbrush, effectively messing up his hair. Remus doubled over laughing at his shocked face, mouth gaping, and so did James. 

“You look like Moana,” Harry observes in awe, just as shocked but at the sight of him with his hair fully down. Remus laughs again, telling Sirius, “You are as demanding as a princess. But you act more like Maui,” Sirius gasps in offense and shoves Remus with his shoulder. Remus shoves right back. 

Harry, who was slightly tired by his earlier visit, still ran around, showing them everything in the house, including the upstairs and the bathrooms. They didn’t have the heart to tell him they’d seen the whole thing already when Reggie and James had moved in, he was just so excited.

Once it was time for them to leave, goodbyes were lingering as nobody really wanted them to go. They were eventually sent off with a tray of merengues for the holiday season, and when they opened the door to leave, they got yet another surprise. The whole front porch was lightly layered with white. It took a moment to click, but then they realized… snow. The first snow of the season. 

Sirius, being Sirius, did all his pouty child complaining about how cold it was outside. Remus, after mouthing I live with a child to James, making him looks in a laugh, just told him, “You’ll survive,” and as Sirius stuck his tongue out at him just laughed. 

They thanked them for the dessert and seeing Harry, and left the house and left Harry drained of energy… until he saw the snow. And it was hard to deny him of things, but even more so on they’re anniversary. Which is how they ended up in winter coats after dark at six pm in the park playing with the snow. It was the perfect end to the day.

[snarky-magpie]

(That feeling when you want to both post snippets and avoid spoilers :D But... here's a sneak peek from the epilogue—which I decided to completely rewrite since I didn't like the first version—because I'm a weak person and can't resist.) “What are we talking about?” Reg asks, stepping up beside James with Sirius in tow, but before James gets a chance to answer, he draws himself up and gives him a kiss unsuited for an audience. All of their friends are suddenly busy coughing and engaging in awkward small talk, but James can’t spare them any thought when Regulus’ tongue strokes over his, the steel of his tongue piercing contrasting deliciously with the warm flesh. “We’re talking about your inability to behave,” Remus deadpans when the kiss has been going on for several minutes with no end in sight.

“They started a snogging jar for us, Reggie. Can you believe that?” James mutters, pulling back only enough to be able to talk.

“Actually, yeah. I can. Here,” he turns to Remus, takes out his wallet, pulls an ATM card out and thrusts it into his friend's unprotesting hands. “Add this to the bank. Consider it an advance. Should about cover the honeymoon period.” 

[writteninverses]

no need to forgive

He had been avoiding Remus for quite a long time, even though he hadn’t realised it until recently. The war, the Order, it was taking away everything from Sirius. James and Lily had gone into hiding and the only one that knew where they were was Peter, so Sirius was alone. Alone with Remus. If you had asked Sirius a few months ago he would have said that it wouldn’t be so bad, he could stay alone with his Moony and wait until the war was over to see James again. But Sirius didn’t think that anymore. Remus spent most of the time doing missions for the Order, mainly missions that involved being away for months to persuade the werewolves to join their forces. At the end of the day, Sirius was completely and disgustingly alone.

He didn’t care about fighting anymore, what was the point? He was just 21, he wanted a break. He wanted Remus back, and James, and his godson. Sometimes he wished he could disappear, that all that pain would vanish. He wanted to stop drinking as well, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, not when that was the only comfort he had. Sirius had lost his spark.

Every time he remembered all the things the war had taken from him, he always thought of his little brother. At that point he wasn’t angry anymore, at least not with Regulus. He was furious because he didn’t know how his brother had died. All he could do was hope that Regulus had left this life in the most gentle and painless way. Most nights he would go to the roof of his apartment complex and look at the night sky to look for his brother. Regulus would always be there with him, just by looking up. That was what Sirius used to say to Regulus whenever he was scared or missed his brother, “Reggie, just look at the sky and you’ll find me. As easy as that. I’m always looking out for you.” 

It turned out that the little brother was the one who would end up in the sky first.

Sirius took a sip of his half-empty bottle and rested his arm on his face. He heard the door open. It was Remus, he was the only one that used the door to get into the flat. Everyone else simply appareated. Sirius groaned and refused to get up to greet him.

“Sweetheart? Are you home?” Remus asked, leaving his things on the sofa and heading to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and saw that it was empty. No food. When was the last time Sirius ate something?

Remus took a glass of water and went to their bedroom. He stayed on the door frame, hesitant. He looked at the mess that was Sirius on their bed.

“Padfoot? Are you awake?” He approached the bed slowly, to give Sirius space.

“Yes, yes I am. You fucking woke me up.” Sirius slightly flinched when he opened his eyes and saw Remus so close to him. He was resisting urges. He wanted to punch him in the teeth. A simple punch directed to his mouth. Blood dripping from his nose and wounded gums. Remus stared at his feet.

“Are you gonna say something or are you just going to keep staring at your feet?” Sirius blurted out. And Remus raised his chin to look at his blue eyes. God, Remus has missed seeing the ocean in those eyes.

“I’m sorry for leaving for so long. It kills me to do it, but it’s my job.” He took Sirius’ hand fearlessly. Sirius looked at their hands and then at his face. God, he has missed those eyes so much.

“I know, I know you are sorry. I’m sorry for acting so weird. It’s just been so difficult.” He rested his head on Remus’ shoulder and left a kiss on his neck. Remus instantly tangled his hand on Sirius’ hair, gently caressing him.

“I won’t leave you again.” Remus stated. Sirius stroked his back.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, love.”

Remus sighed and cupped Sirius’ face with his hands. “I just want you to know that I love you more than anything. I do what I do to make sure that you and I can live a peaceful life after all of this is over.”

Sirius closed the space between them and kissed Remus. And they kept kissing, long and tenderly. Soon their lips were met by salty tears and Remus' daring tongue making its way to Sirius' mouth.

That night was the last time Sirius slept peacefully, in the arms of the love of his life.

                                              ***

“You are leaving? But you just came back!” They were shouting at each other. Remus had come back two days ago and he had to leave again.

“Moody wants me to go to another pack, and you know I have to stay with them for a month before the next full moon so that they trust me.” Remus was visibly tired, he had already explained that to Sirius quite a few times.

“I don’t even know what you do during those endless months you stay with packs. We don’t need every single werewolf to be on our side! We are fucking losing! Let’s just fucking accept it!”

“Sirius, you don’t mean what you are saying.”

“I mean damn well what I’m saying. Don’t go there, you’ll never return.” Sirius choked out. Fuck, he didn’t want to cry again.

“I always come back, I always do. I survive because I know you are here, waiting for me. Merlin, don’t take the fucking bottle.” Remus snatched the alcohol bottle away from Sirius’ hand.

“Oh please, Remus. If you are going to be fucking annoying just get the hell out of here.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna do that. Bye, Sirius.” And with that, Remus left. And Sirius was alone.

Maybe it was the alcohol, the loneliness or just how fucking sad he felt, but Sirius began to believe that Remus was betraying them. What on Earth was he doing all those months away? Getting reinforcements? Sirius knew that the Order was weaker and weaker every day, so Remus’ job was bullshit. Didn’t mean a fucking thing. Therefore, he must’ve joined them. He covered it with the fact that Moody asked him to go, to reclute them. It wasn’t working, it was fake. Was their love fake too? Was he trying to convince Sirius to join too? When did he make that decision?

If James could get out of that house he would know what to do. He would have the guts to confront Remus. But mostly, he would give Sirius hope, comfort. Sirius wished he could talk to him, just one more time.

He ached when he remembered how Remus had called him sweetheart. It sounded so pure, so true. Sirius was having a hard time believing it was actually real and not part of Remus’ trap.

A few days later, Sirius tried to start taking care of himself. Until he remembered he had no one to talk to. Marlene was dead, Dorcas too. And Mary had fucked off, God knows where. She was the smartest out of all of them. Sirius wanted to leave too. Somewhere different. Where magic didn’t exist.

He casted the muffliato charm and slumped against the floor and screamed. He cursed Remus’ name, he sobbed and punched the wall a few times, blood dripping from his knuckles. He got up, cleaned his wound and laid on his bed. Sirius was going to change his narrative, he wasn’t going to let others decide what his destiny was. And the only thing he could do was join the Order again. Go on missions, fight for his godson and his best friend.

At least, he had something to fight for.

Sirius took a shower the next day and visited Moody, he needed to keep himself busy to forget about everything else.

“Alastor, when is Remus supposed to come back?” He asked formally, as if Remus was just a stranger.

“He is due to come back next week.” Moody opened a bottle of something that even Sirius couldn’t recognise and offered a glass to him. He accepted it.

“Alright. Well, I’m ready to go back to the field. Send me to all the missions you have, I want to be busy.”

“You sure lad? You’ve spent almost 2 months without fighting and now all of a sudden you want to come back?” Alastor replied, taking a sip from his glass.

“I am sure. I want to be useful. I’m part of this fight as well, and I’ll go mad if I stay in that apartment any longer.” He drank his glass entirely.

“I see. Do you wish to be paired up with Lupin?”

“No. He has his particular missions, I want mine too.”

And Moody agreed to it, without asking if something had happened between them. Sirius was glad he didn’t have to answer uncomfortable questions. Even if he was almost sure that Remus was a traitor, he couldn’t tell that to Moody. He didn’t have the guts to do it.

                                              ***

When the tenth month of the year made its way into 1981, Remus came back home. He entered the flat through the main door and left his things on the sofa. Then, he opened the fridge to find it surprisingly full. Maybe that meant that Sirius was feeling better. He headed to the bedroom and called out his boyfriend’s name.

“Sirius? Love? I’m home, are you awake?” But when Remus got inside their bedroom, the bed was neatly made. Sirius was not home.

“Where the fuck is he?” Remus asked the air. He looked everywhere to find a note, something that Sirius might have left to let him know that he was okay, that he was on a mission or simply had gone out to take a breath. But Remus found nothing. Sirius had evaporated. Remus knew it was his fault. Sirius would never be out when he knew that Remus was coming. At least not the Sirius Remus loved.

That one, even if he wasn’t at his best, would wait for Remus. Sirius had always waited for Remus. Back at Hogwarts, he was the only one that stuck next to Remus after the full moons when he had to stay in the hospital wing. When Sirius had a quidditch match, he would wait for Remus to come down from the benches to give him a kiss and head out to the changing room.

And Remus waited in return. Whenever they had exams, Remus would wait for Sirius to finish and get out of the classroom together. He would wait for Sirius to finish all his food because he was a slow eater and was the last one to finish. They were there for each other, all the time. They were never alone. But Remus had left Sirius alone, for a long, long time. And now he was the one suffering the loneliness of the apartment.

He decided to have a walk in the dark, feeling all hell. He let out a few sobs and got some compassionate looks from a cat on the street.

Sirius came back home thinking that Remus might have gone to another mission out of town. He opened the door and saw him reading calmly on the sofa.

“Oh, hello.” Remus greeted, surprised, “Didn’t expect you to come today.”

“I didn’t expect you to be here, so it’s awkward for the two of us.” Sirius uttered bitterly. He headed straight to their cabinet and opened it to find that there were no bottles.

“Remus, what the fuck did you do?” Sirius was seeing red.

“I threw everything on the toilet. You’ll thank me later.” He didn’t look up from his book.

“Fucking hell, Remus.”

“I’m not going to apologise for that. I’m trying to help you.” He looked at Sirius.

“You’ve never cared about me. I don’t trust you anymore.”

“Come on, Pads, you don’t mean that now, do you?”

“Every word, Lupin.”

“Okay, so I’m Lupin now, got it, do you want me to call you a Black? Because that’s what you are, at the end of the day.”

“Oh, you didn’t just say that.” Sirius stood up in front of Remus.

“Yes, I said it. Tell me one thing, why are you acting so fucking wary around me? It’s like you don’t even want to see me anymore! Sirius, what the hell have you been doing for 3 weeks?”

“I could ask you the same fucking thing, Remus. But you always say that it is a mission. Bullshit. I don’t fucking believe you.”

“Have you been on missions? Non-stop?” Remus inquired.

“Yeah, but I suppose you don’t believe me.”

“Well, you don’t believe me either.”

“At least we are both being sincere now. I don’t trust you anymore. You have spent endless weeks out and I have never doubted your loyalties. But lately it’s been hard to do so. I don’t know who you are, I look at you and I don’t see Moony. I see someone else. Someone I don’t want to be near.”

“I can say the same thing about you, how do I know what you’ve been up to? Don’t make me look like the bad guy here, we both have fucked up. I don’t recognise you anymore.” Remus spat back.

“Don't hold your breath, say what you want. Forget you ever saw me at my best. I’m not sorry I’ve changed, this fucking situation changed me. And you stopped loving me.”

“You don't deserve what you don't respect. I thought what we had was sacred.” Remus pointed at his own heart.

“And you don't deserve what you say you love and then neglect. All those months alone, all by myself. Of course my love for you has been diminishing. I want you out of here.” Sirius looked to the side.

A beat.

You could hear a heart shattering to pieces.

Remus simply nodded, stood up and started to pack all of his things. Sirius looked at him while doing so.

“Remus, stop- stop doing that.” Sirius took the book Remus had in his hands.

“Fuck off, Sirius. You want me out? I’m fucking going. You can’t take back what you said.”

“I guess I can’t.”

Remus finished packing everything in less than fifteen minutes, to Sirius’ surprise. They locked eyes. Remus eyes’ suggested Please, stop me. Beg me not to go. But Sirius didn’t say any of those words. He just waited for Remus to leave. And Remus did so.

That was their fall. Their demise.

Sirius instantly regretted it. But he regretted it more when he discovered that Peter had betrayed them, he was the one that had sold James and Lily, and Remus was just his Moony, he hadn't changed. Sirius had been wrong about that. So wrong. He should have gone to him first, rather than going after Peter. Now, behind bars, trapped in Azkaban, Sirius realises he is all alone again. And it is his fault. Remus is going to spend the next full moons alone and in pain and that is his fault too. And all Sirius could do was beg the Moon and the stars to take care of him, to ease his pain. Sirius hopes Regulus can help.

originally posted on ao3  https://archiveofourown.org/works/37712587

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Teenagers Part 5

Harry Potter Marauders Era 

Link to Part 4 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M

____

James stormed out of the Three Broomsticks unsure as to exactly where he was going. Watching Regulus with his tongue down your throat was enough to make James want to puke.

“James, wait up.”

He turned to see Sirius and Remus running after him. James was thankful that the two of his friends had been so supportive throughout the past two months. If James didn’t have Sirius and Remus, he wasn’t for sure what he would have done without having you to turn to. Like he had thought earlier, James knew that it was childish to be treating you in such a way (and he would regret it later) but James needed you to see that he was just trying to protect you.

“Are they still snogging?”

James asked, closing his eyes. Sirius nodded, feeling as equally as grossed out. Out of the three men standing outside of the Three Broomsticks, Sirius was probably the most “okay” with your relationship with Regulus. Sirius was thrilled to see his brother “happy” for a chance. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had seen Regulus smile. Now the boy was smiling all the time.

Sirius had even commented about how nice it was to see his younger brother happy. James had ended that comment with a lewd comment of his own.

He’s happy because my sister is probably sucking his dick.

Both Remus and Sirius only blinked as James started muttering about “why did I make that comment?”

On the other hand, Sirius also understood James' concern about the relationship. Regulus wasn’t the innocent little boy that he used to be. Sirius knew that his brother was so “far in” with the Black family views and Slytherin bullshit, he was afraid that you would be injured in the crosshairs of some stupid thing.

He could only pray that Regulus’ seemingly happy attitude was a sign that he was treating you like the princess that you deserved to be. Regulus was always holding your hand, opening doors for you, and carrying your stuff. Sirius couldn’t help but be proud of how his little brother appeared to be with “his first girlfriend.”

Remus’ tentative voice was the thing that pulled Sirius from his thought and brought him back to the conversation with James.

“They stopped snogging after you left but picked up again when Sirius and I walked out.”

Sirius nodded.

“I don’t think that they realized we were there, honestly. Y/n blushed big time when she saw Remus and I. Regulus was laughing.”

James rolled his eyes.

“Of course the little shit was laughing. He thinks this whole thing is god damn hilarious. The little prick never used to laugh until he hooked up with my sister. Now Regulus thinks that this is some kind of comedy club.”

Before Sirius and Remus could respond, you stepped outside of the pub. Regulus, as usual, had his hand wrapped around yours before leaning down to whisper something in your ear.

“Wonder what the big secret is?”

Sirius questioned as you said something back to Regulus in a hushed tone. James frowned and tried to pick up any clue of the conversation. When Regulus looked over his shoulder before turning back to you with a sly grin, James couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He had rolled his eyes so many times in the past 2 ½ months that he was convinced that his eyes were going to get stuck.

“Is it me or does the love birds look like they don’t want to be followed?”

“That’s exactly how it looks.”

Remus commented. Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

“Well, life isn’t fair. We can’t always get what we want, can we?”

James was thrilled by his best friend’s comment. Sirius knew exactly what he was thinking before he could even think it.

“Not at all. Let's go.”

(meanwhile)

The cold December air swirled all around you as you walked with Regulus back to school. After realizing that James, Sirius, Remus, and Lily were watching the two of you snog, Regulus suggested taking this “somewhere a little more private.”

“You would think that the lot of them were looking for a cheap peep show. Perverts.”

Regulus muttered as the two of you walked. You didn’t have to look over your shoulder to know that the two of you were being followed.

“I assume that they are looking for more because they are following us. Regulus, don’t start anything. Just keep walking. We will be at the room of requirement soon and those lookie-loos will be out of luck.”

You heard Regulus curse under his breath. Regulus would have loved any excuse to hex the crap out of your brother and you knew it.

“I hope they run face-first into the door and break their noses. You know that I won’t let them live it down.”

Regulus commented, resisting the urge to throw a hex over his shoulder. The only thing stopping him from taking any action was the realization that if Regulus harmed Jame or Sirius, his chances of “getting something” in the room of requirement was going to fall apart.

(meanwhile)

James, Sirius, and Remus remained hot on your trail all the way back to Hogwarts.

“Where are they going?”

Remus questioned as he went up another flight of stairs. Sirius automatically winced. He knew the answer.

“Looks like the room of requirement.”

James frowned. 2 and 2 clicked in his head. He knew exactly what went down in the room of requirement. Hell, he and Lily used it frequently.

“Oh, hell no! They can date if they have to but getting it on...fuck that. Y/n, wait!”

Both Regulus and yourself turned as the door of the room answered. James started running down the hallway to stop you. The last thing that he wanted was for you to make a mistake that you would regret later.

“Don’t go in there and do what I think you are about to do! Don’t do it with him!”

Before you could reply, Regulus pulled you into the room and slammed the door right in James' face. Regulus put a charm on the door so James and his band of friends wouldn’t be able to open it.

Regulus turned to look at you after a moment. You stood with your arms crossed over your chest glaring at the door.

“So, I guess you want to wait?”

You shook your head. The last thing that you were going to do was give your older brother the satisfaction of knowing that he stopped your first time.

“No, we aren’t waiting anymore. We have waited almost three months. That is long enough...a lot longer than James and Lily waited. Sirius and Remus...I don’t even want to go there.”

Regulus winced. The last thing that he wanted to do was think about his brother that way.

“Please. I don’t want to think about it either. Look, I don’t want our first time ruined because we are doing it to spite your stupid brother.”

You turned to your boyfriend and felt sad at the upset expression on Regulus’ face.

“I’m not doing anything to spite my older brother.”

You commented before closing the space between Regulus and yourself. Wrapping one arm around his waist, you gently stroked another hand down his chest. Regulus’ eyes closed as he enjoyed every moment of your hand on his body. The past two months had become some of the most sexually frustrating of his life. Regulus quickly began to realize why Sirius turned into such a hoe at school. After a few heated make outs in the room of requirement, Regulus was desperate to have you under him.

When you said that you weren’t ready, Regulus agreed to wait until you were ready for that next step. That didn’t mean that he had to like it though. Every kiss, every makeout, every little touch that you had to give him simply added to the urge to be with you in more than a PG13 sort of way.

“I’m doing this because I want you. I want my first time to be with you...and I think that you want it just as badly as I do.”

Regulus’ eyes snapped open.

“Yes, I want this. I just want you to be sure...I don't want you to regret it…”

“Reggie, I won’t regret it.”

You answered quickly. Before Regulus could really grasp what you were doing, you started unbuttoning your shirt. He pressed his lips together as your bra came into view.

“Oh, look at that..you are already taking your clothes off.”

“Yes, I think that you should take your clothes off as well…”

You replied, with a suddenly cocky smile. At the moment, you had never been more thankful for the ability to place silencing charms on the room. You were also thrilled that you weren’t able to hear James and Sirius on the other side of the door banging and screaming for you to stop what you were doing.

They lost their chance to have any say in my life the moment that they decided Regulus wasn’t good enough for me...They have to live with what they get…

________

@amelie-black @truly-insatiable @fandomsxxregulus @realgaytrash @spiderxalmighty @jessyballet @knreidy1 @whymyparentscheckmyphone @rubyroscoe1 @acciosiriusblack @bennyberry @hazncalsgal @quuenofblacks @criminalyetminimal @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @summer-novak @hankypranky @shaylybaby2032 @emiwrites3reads @li0nh34rt @tas898 @marichromatic @maggioli-m @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @stuckinsaudi1 @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

[awanderingdeal]

Never too late - 6 - 7

A continuation of Leo and Regulus’ attempts (antics) to give Regulus the childhood he never had.

CW: Food talk

Please message me if you feel I need to add any content warnings

Rating: T

Previous and future chapters can be found on my masterlist

Credit for the sweater universe and the characters within it go to @lumosinlove. What a hero.

[This is currently unedited, and I'm not that happy with it, but also my writing mojo has decided it is vacay time so it is what is it]

6. Go to camp! You’ll make friends for life.

“Le! Did you order something?” Finn called, appearing in the doorway of the kitchen carrying a large box.

“Yeah, it’s the t-shirts,” Leo nodded, scraping the onions he’d just chopped into the pot. “Put it on the island for me please, babe.”

Finn looked down at the box, making a show of testing its weight before he looked back at Leo with wide eyes, “This seems like...a lot.”

After adjusting the temperature on the stovetop slightly, Leo washed his hands and made to inspect the delivery. “Err, yeah. Potts got wind of the plan and got all excited. Half the team are coming now,” he smiled sheepishly.

“Of course that happened,” Finn threw his head back with a laugh. “You might as well make it a thing.”

“A thing?” Leo repeated, throwing Finn a bemused look.

“Uhh huh,” Finn nodded.

“I’m gonna need more, babe,” Leo said, lifting one of the shirts out of the box and running the material through his fingers, humming a note of approval.

“More shirts? There’s like 50 here,” Finn frowned.

“No, love,” Leo laughed, shaking his head “More on what a ‘thing’ is.”

“Ohh, got you,” Finn chuckled, leaning against the counter. “I just meant, if half the team is coming anyway, you might as well invite the other half. Get the kids involved. You know, a thing.”

“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” Leo cocked his head.

“Well, I did go to Harvard,” Finn shrugged, rooting around in the fruit bowl to find a suitable pear. One that wasn't too big because Finn got bored of flavours quickly and could never finish them. One that wasn't too soft, because he hated the sticky mess on his hands. In the early days of their relationship, Leo had been excited for the adventures that were going to come with his boyfriends, but he hadn't been prepared for how much the little nuggets of information he would discover about them would mean to him. The satisfied smile that appeared on his Finn’s face as he procured the perfect one was infectious.

“Such big brain energy and yet he still can’t load a dishwasher,” Leo retorted, motioning to the stack of crockery that had been abandoned on the counter.

***

“I have no idea why I put up with you,” Regulus scowled, covering his eyes with his hands. “Okay, I promise I can’t see.”

“Because I’m your best friend, obviously,” Leo replied, making a stupid face to ensure that Regulus was, in fact, telling the truth, and began to lead him towards the back door.

“Obviously,” Regulus drawled. “Do I get a choice in this best friend business?”

“Well, you can try and resist it if you want, but I am incredibly loveable and inevitably you will have to succumb to my charm so you might as well just deal with it,” Leo said.

Regulus gave a resigned sigh, “I suppose as best friends go you aren’t too bad.”

Leo laughed, punching Regulus lightly in the shoulder before telling him to watch out for the step up into the back yard.

“I hope you know that if I break my neck, you will be paying for -” Regulus started.

“Wegggie!!” Harry shouted through a mouthful of graham crackers that James had been trying to buy his silence with.

“Is that?” Regulus pulled his hands from his face, his eyes going wide at the scene in front of him. Leo had to admit he may have gone a little overboard with the execution of the summer camp. What had started off as a few classic summer camp activities had turned into a carefully planned extravaganza. There was a climbing wall and he’d hired an events team that taught archery. Between the games of dodgeball and capture the flag, there would be time for tye-dying, friendship bracelet making, water balloons, tug of war and much more. Of course he hadn’t skimped on the food either: burgers, pizza, vegetable sticks, taco salad and hot dogs; there was a long buffet table laden with an endless supply.

Regulus pulled Leo back inside, tugging him further into the kitchen so that the crowd of Lion’s players and their families couldn’t see them. “Leo, this is too much.”

Leo looked at Regulus trying to read his friend, but the other boy was infuriatingly closed off. “Look, if you really don’t want this, I’ll go and tell everybody to enjoy themselves and we can get out of here.”

Regulus huffed out a breath, “It’s not that I don’t want to...it’s...it’s weird everybody being here. They are obviously just here because you asked them and I feel like an add on.”

“Okay, let me stop you right there,” Leo held up a hand. “You practically live at Kris’ house the amount of time you spend there with Avie. Celeste loves you like a seventh? eighth? child...honestly, I’ve lost track of how many children they’ve adopted at this point. You and Olli…”

“Alright, alright,” Regulus interrupted, “I get your point.” He cocked his head slightly, “Huh, I guess I didn’t realise how much I’ve settled here.”

“You need a second to process that or are you ready to go have some fun, because I think Harry might eat all the s’more supplies if we wait much longer.”

***

Leo leaned into Logan’s shoulder, smiling as he watched his boyfriend show Katie how to toast her s’more in the bonfire that crackled in front of them. He was admiring the softness of the French leaving Logan’s mouth, when Regulus plopped himself onto the large log they were sitting on, a sleeping Aveline clinging to him.

“Hey, Reggie,” Leo greeted, turning his soft smile to his friend. “You alright?”

“I’m good. I just wanted to say thank you,” Regulus nodded, shifting Aveline into a more comfortable position. Leo noticed that Regulus had added another 3 new friendship bracelets to his haul since he had last got a moment to catch up with him. “For all this. This day has been amazing. All of it. I’m not sure if summer camp would have been my thing really, but I never really got to do fun family garden parties either and this has been incredible. ”

Any reply that Leo was about to make was disturbed, by Aleandra dumping a water balloon over Marc’s head right in front of them, their loud screams causing Aveline to wake with a cry.

7.Decorate your room! Paint the walls, buy new bedding and pick some new accessories! Make it your space.

"Well," Leo set a pile of magazines on the bed with a soft thud. It was a little old-school, but he was adamant that it was easier to come up with a complete picture this way. "What do you like? You don't have to know exactly, but we can't go to Ikea without any idea." He let out a soft snort at the unintentional rhyme.

Regulus looked up at him, wide eyed, as if he'd just asked him to supply the solution for world peace. "I don't know," he shrugged, toying with the sleeve of his shirt.

"You must have some thoughts."

"I don't know," Regulus snapped. "I've never had to make these decisions before. There was no point liking anything, because our parents would do what they wanted either way." He spat the words, and despite how it made Leo feel he knew the anger was a sign of some sort of progress. Not even a few months ago, his friend had spoken about his childhood like it was just a different form of normal.

"I'm sorry," Leo apologised, climbing onto the bed next to Regulus.

"It's not your fault, is it," Regulus shrugged, tucking his knees to his chest.

"I shouldn't have pushed you for an answer," Leo clarified, moving the magazines out the way and dragging his laptop from the bedside table. “Look, how about we go through Pinterest and you can pick some pins you vibe with. I’m sure we’ll find a trend.”

“Yeah,” Regulus breathed, shuffling closer to Leo. “Yeah, okay.”

***

“What the hell, there’s more,” Regulus said in awe as they rounded another corner to be confronted by rows of rattan baskets.

“I think we’re nearly at the end.” Leo looked up from the map he was trying to follow, almost stumbling over the cart when Regulus came to a sudden halt.

“These are nice,” Regulus mused, picking up a walnut coloured weaved basket. “My towels will look nice in these.”

“I’m sure they would,” Leo chuckled. He shouldn’t have been so surprised by how quickly Regulus had gained an affinity for interior design considering how he had taken to honing his clothing style with such ease.

“Oh! But these are nice too.” Regulus turned to show Leo another basket, that was identical in every way except for being perhaps a shade lighter.

Leo groaned. They had been in the store for over 3 hours and the cart was overflowing. His friend was adamant he was going to pay his own way and considering the short amount of time he had played for Slytherin along with the legal fees to end his contract early, the man was having to learn to budget to be able to afford college. Leo had suggested that doing a couple of interviews would leave him with a fair buffer, but Regulus had wanted to put as much space between hockey and his new life as possible. Leo was supportive, but Regulus seemed to be having trouble getting out the habit of buying everything he wanted.

“Right, pick one and then close your eyes. We need to get out of here.”

***

“Up a little on the left,” Leo instructed, shaking his head as Regulus lifted the left side of the photo frame considerably. “No, not that much.”

“That’ll do.”

“It’s not straight!”

“Neither are you and you don’t see us complaining,” Regulus huffed as he adjusted the frame again.

“You’re just jealous,” Leo threw one of Regulus’ new cushions across the room, hitting him squarely in the back of the head.

“Eww,” Regulus deadpanned. “And please do not throw my things,” he glared, hugging the cushion to his chest.

Leo was about to make a comment back, but he was interrupted by Sirius clearing his throat in the doorway.

“Got you a present,” Sirius said, holding out a large bag.

“Sirius.” Regulus crossed his arms over his chest, his face set into a disapproving stare. “I told you -”

“Think of it as an early birthday present,” Sirius interrupted.

“My birthday is not for another 4 months.”

“Just take it. I promise I’ll let you do this the way you want, but you’ve got to let me buy you things every now and then too. That’s what big brothers do.”

Regulus sighed, crossing the room to take the bag from Sirius. “Thanks,” he muttered, the corners of his mouth lifting despite his best efforts. The smile spread further as he laid the mustard coloured herringbone throw he’d been salivating over in the small boutique they’d visited a few days prior.

“You’re welcome,” Sirius nodded. “Looks good in here, by the way. We’ll have to find you an apartment in New York that will be big enough to fit it all in.” he commented, walking away as he finished his sentence.

“I’m paying for the apartment!” Regulus called after him. Leo barked a laugh as Regulus ranted about stubborn humans on NHL wages. Regulus poked a finger at him. “You can be quiet. I know this was your doing.”

[green-and-grey-kenaz]

I Sleep with the Dirt by Fire Glow

Language: English

Chapter 1:  Please pull me from the dark

Characters in Chapter: Regulus Black, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin (Briefly),  Albus Dumbledore (Briefly)

Chapter Summary:

Regulus is returned to life after his body has been kept in stasis as an inferius. It takes some getting used to, being alive again. Sirius meanwhile is dealing with having to look after a somewhat wild brother and not being able to adopt Harry, like he promised.

Word Count: c. 5 900

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34049455/chapters/84695911

It was strange. Bright. Pain. Noise. Smells. Thoughts. Feels. Sights.

Food.

He lunged, grabbing the prey which shrieked, only getting shriller as teeth tore into it. He pulled his head back and tasted sweet iron. Something grabbed him, forced his jaw open. He snarled. He was hungry and this was his food. He had rightfully caught it.

There was more noise and he turned, glowering. He hated the noises that they made at him. He had a sense that once it might have meant something but now they were empty sounds. It was infuriating.

The one he did not want to eat was there. That one was skinny. Bones. Bones weren’t food. He could crunch them to get food, but the skinny one was still not food. He did not know when the concept of food had come. But the desire to kill the warm moving ones had become a painful urge to fix an emptiness within. Hunger. Skinny was not that though. There was more to the bony one. That was why it was not food.

The other one was tempting but it could stop him. He had tried.

It always knew. It was always prepared.

They made noises to each other as food was placed into his hand. It wasn’t fresh but he tore at it, snarling at anyone who got too close. Too soon, food was gone and he licked his fingers. They were tasty.

Bony was there, hand on his arm. He snarled and Bony flinched but made noises at him. Soft sounds that soothed and promised safety. Bony took something damp and pressed it against his face, rubbed it over his fingers. He liked the damp and wet. It was like a home in that dark, wet cave. The bony one continued to make the noises and gently shifted his limbs. It was a more comfortable position. The old one came and muttered words. He tried to shift and get at it but Bony was being gentle with him and captured his attention once more.

He did not know what he was doing here. He had known, back at the cave. Or perhaps it had not been a knowing – it was more like a state of being. There had been no knowing, just guarding. Devour any that touched the water. Wait. Constant waiting. Protect.

A part of him had something different. A part had been sleeping, almost too deep for dreams but that part had been more alive. There had been the vaguest sense of a series of sounds that had defined it. Memories that had created it.

He could not remember the memories now. They were like the fish that sometimes made their way to his deep waters and were devoured by their many hungry mouths. Flashing, briefly there and so powerfully sating. Then gone. The Bony one perhaps came from there. It came from somewhere deep within. That was why he didn’t eat it.

Bony looked at him, it gave an expression. The lips curled slightly at the ends and it helped him to lie down and pulled the soft warmth over him. It took his head and held it until boredom closed his eyes.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

“No, Regulus.” Sirius said firmly as his brother held the raw, half eaten chicken breast in his hand, teeth bared and showing the remnants of his midnight snack.

This was not what Sirius needed. He didn’t need Regulus back. He ran his hand through his hair, guilt sparking in his stomach at that thought. No, he did need Regulus back. Just not with the caveat that he would have to fight off the magic that had kept his body frozen as a minion for Voldemort. Because that was a lot to deal with when you were fresh out of Azkaban. As was knowing that if it hadn’t been for Regulus’ soul somehow taking root deep inside him, if Dumbledore hadn't realised that… well his brother's body would still be in that cave. Dead and violated, twisted by Dark Magic. The thought was sickening.

Yet it was because of Regulus that he had been told he couldn’t take Harry into his home. Harry Potter, James’ son. Sirius' very own Godson, who he had sworn an oath to protect. A boy who was criminally neglected by his supposed guardians. Sirius had waited all this time to get Harry back in his life. He had told the boy he could move in with him. It wasn't fair that he had to look after a kid who should be grown and able to take care of himself.

Sirius resented Regulus for that. He resented that a lot when Regulus had never shown him any love or care back when they had lived together. It had always been ‘why can’t you just behave?’, ‘why must you hurt mother so?’, ‘can’t you just get it into your thick skull that we are better than everyone else and that it is our duty to rule?’. Well, Regulus didn’t look much better than anyone else with his half-eaten chicken breast clutched in one hand.

“Put it down. You’re going to be sick enough as it is.” Probably. Apparently inferii had pretty tough guts because Regulus had taken to eating a whole host of raw things (the healer had not been impressed to find that out). Unfortunately for his brother, the closer he got back to being counted amongst the living, the more raw meat did not agree with him.  

Regulus shifted the chicken breast closer to his mouth, staring a challenge down at Sirius.

“No.” Sirius growled and Regulus froze. In that second, Sirius took the time to consider the situation. The pantry had been charmed closed. If Regulus had opened it, that had to mean he was getting his magic back which would not be ideal because Sirius didn’t need a magic wielding, zombie brother. He groaned, running a hand down his face and Regulus quickly took a bite of the chicken.

“Regulus!” Sirius roared and his brother jumped, dropping the chicken breast and quick as a flash, made for the door. Sirius swore and lunged after him, wrapping the smaller body and pinning his arms while his hands went to wrap around Regulus’ wrists. He might be skinny after his time in Azkaban but Regulus was still only seventeen (he’d be eighteen if counting the days – he died days before his birthday a voice whispered in his head) and apparently hadn’t been taking care of himself in the lead up to his death. He’d been all skin and bones when they dragged him out and the inferius voracious appetite was not doing much to put weight back on his frame.

The tiny body squirmed in his grasp, twisting his head and sinking his teeth into Sirius’ dressing gown.

“Stop that, Regulus.” Sirius was softer this time, trying to be more reassuring now the chicken was gone. While most people seemed fair game for eating, Sirius had yet to be bitten. Oh, Regulus threatened to and Sirius did not trust himself to sleep without a heavily warded door, but he’d had no more than panicked bites that stopped short of bruising his skin. He pulled Regulus over to a sink and with some effort managed to get warm water running. Forcing Regulus’ hands under, he glanced around for the soap as his brother started to relax.

“See, nothing wrong, Reggie.” He said soothingly, rubbing the lavender scented soap against his brother’s pale skin. He got a cloth to clean Regulus’ face likewise. His brother squirmed but did not resist.

“Just cleaning you up. You know, if you get hungry, you can come to me. Just knock on the door. I’ll make you something.” He told Regulus this every time but he had little way to tell if it went in. His brother made a noise though and leaned into him.

“Right, all cleaned up now. Not much point eating until you’ve got this out your system.” He said, turning Regulus and giving him a once over. He didn’t let Regulus wear anything with long sleeves, unless attended which just made his arms look like skinny sticks but it made moments like this easier. It didn’t look like Regulus had gotten anything on him.

“Kreacher!” Sirius called.

The House Elf appeared. Sirius knew he lived in a cupboard in the kitchen and he found it ever so infuriating that he didn’t help keep Regulus from eating raw meats. Unfortunately, Kreacher was rather dedicated to ‘the young master’, even if that meant letting him eat things he shouldn’t.

“Clean up the mess and then bring the sick basin into the Parlour. I’m staying up with Regulus until we know if this is going to pass through or not. And next time stop letting him eat raw meat.”

Regulus growled at Sirius for his tone, dark eyes narrowing and Sirius groaned.

“Please.” He added, trying to make his tone sweet because he could do with Regulus not waking up mother’s portrait, which was what he would do if in a strop. She only got agitated seeing Regulus in such a state and it didn’t help that Sirius was there either.

“Kreacher lives to serve the Noble House of Black.” The House Elf grovelled, bowing low and Sirius bit back his retort and instead said through gritted teeth.

“Thank you. Kreacher.”

Regulus seemed to accept that as genuine because he smiled and let himself be guided out with minimum fuss. In fact, he looked rather over the moon to be taken into the Parlour where he took his customary seat as Sirius set the fire up and carefully made sure to place the fire protector so Regulus wouldn’t accidentally get too close.

Warmth was something that Regulus seemed drawn to. He loved the fire, he loved the sun, he loved being wrapped in warm hugs when before he’d always been hesitant about touch. It felt like someone else walking about in his brother’s skin. It was not a comfortable thought but Dumbledore insisted that Regulus would come back to his senses. They had to treat this like a flu that his body was fighting off.

His brother was curled up, small limbs all folded in close, and Sirius pulled a blanket over him. Regulus jumped and snarled before realising it was him and calming back down.

“Fire.” He said, giving a nod towards the flames.

“Yes, Reg, fire.” Sirius confirmed, sighing and settling down next to his brother, carding his hand through his hair. Regulus made a small humming noise which Sirius knew to mean he was pleased with himself. Speaking was… a challenge and at times, it could be especially frustrating. Some days, Regulus could manage to string together a sentence and others would be solely animalistic snarls.

Kreacher came in and placed the sick basin down. Regulus smiled at him and Sirius let his brother do whatever it was he did with Kreacher. There was no denying that there was something protective within Regulus when it came to Kreacher and Sirius wondered whether something had happened to Kreacher before Regulus had died. The old House Elf would let Regulus check him over with agitated hands before pulling him in tight for quite a while.

No one knew quiet what had happened and Kreacher was not elaborating. The only information that legimency had been able to glean from Regulus’ soul attached onto Sirius was where he had died. Snape, and Sirius still shivered to think on that, had impressed on them that whatever had happened, it was more important to Regulus than merely the place he had died. It was the one thing that bound him to this earthly plane and even in death, he kept shielded with occlumency.

Dumbledore had uncovered some things. They’d seen that unearthly green glow across the water of the cave and after he’d brought Regulus’ bound and writhing corpse… After Snape had helped coax Regulus’ soul back into it… Dumbledore had returned.

Sirius still remembered that note that Dumbledore had placed into his hand. Regulus’ curved and delicate hand writing. That would have been his last words on this earth. It had been chilling.

Voldemort had created a Horcrux and Regulus had intended to die destroying it. It was clear that he had found it but no one knew where the original was. Snape had confessed that although he and Regulus had shared a friendship, he had had no word about this from Regulus. Kreacher feigned ignorance and Sirius knew that was the case because he had caught Kreacher hurting himself after saying he knew nothing.

He had ordered Kreacher to tell him because he knew that Kreacher knew but that was the closest Regulus had come to hurting him. His brother had flown in, snarling rage, with clawing hands and hadn’t calmed for a week.

Sirius sighed and stared at Regulus, who was lying, eyes half closed as Kreacher now comforted him, singing him songs in Kreacher’s own language. Regulus didn’t sleep. Not since they’d brought him back. At most he dozed. Sometimes by the fire, more often when someone cradled him in warm sunlight. Sirius figured that Regulus felt he had been sleeping enough with fifteen years of being dead. That he might fear that his sleep would bring that again. Certainly rest seemed to bring out the inferius in him. Always a step back from whatever improvement he had built up.

Harry would be easier.

Harry deserved the love that Regulus was given. Dumbledore visited once a week to chat with Regulus – a kid who could barely speak at the moment. Even Snape visited, although he kept these visits to once a month due to the fact that strife seemed to upset Regulus, otherwise he would no doubt be a more frequent visitor. Remus, Merlin knew how, tolerated Regulus. The first few times, Regulus had gone for Remus’ throat and had to be stunned. Remus brought bribes of chocolate frogs and still, Regulus would sit between them once he had finished chasing his meal.

One day he had told Sirius ‘ ‘trayed you. Left you.’. Sirius had tried to explain that he had betrayed Remus, that it was him that hadn’t trusted. But Regulus had touched his chest and said one word. Hurt.

Regulus could tell that no matter what had happened, Sirius had felt betrayed by Remus. That one of his childhood friends had not fought for his freedom… it stung and it didn’t matter how irrational that was because to Regulus, it was real and if he didn’t sit there, protecting Sirius, Remus might hurt him.

Merlin, this was messed up.

“Bad.” Regulus said, stiffening, and Sirius grabbed the basin, handing it over to Regulus who retched into the bowl as Sirius rubbed his back in what he hoped were soothing circles. Kreacher vanished the sick between breaks in his brother’s throwing up.

“There you go. Better out. It’s OK.” He said, using his other hand to pull Regulus’ hair out of his face.

Harry wouldn’t eat raw meat and then need a guardian to look out for him. Sirius winced as Regulus threw up again, sounding rather painful as he shuddered, fingers clawing at the ceramic. At the very least Regulus might exhaust himself and doze. That would be nice. Some peace and not having to rely on paintings waking him up whenever Regulus decided to go on his walks.

Sirius yawned and Regulus paused from his heaving, looking up with dark, pain filled eyes.

They were his brother’s eyes. His little brother, who had died alone in a cave to try and bring down Voldemort. Regulus. The soft little idiot who thought he’d take on the world alone because he had no one else to turn to. Sirius hadn’t been there for him.

Regulus doubled over again and moaned in pain and Sirius returned to rubbing his head. Yes, he resented his brother for a lot of things. It had been a long time since Regulus had brought him joy but every time he looked into those eyes, he saw a kid he’d failed. Someone he should have been there for. Perhaps, the guilt would give way to love at some point.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Regulus snarled at the man who came in through the door. Sirius grabbed him and pulled him away, placing an arm out to stop him getting at the man.

“No, it’s alright Sirius. You said he had a turn last night. It’s fine.” The man… the wolf… said, reaching into his pockets with slow movements. He pulled something out, fiddling with it and suddenly Regulus found his focus forced to something moving fast. He dashed after it and it jumped away. Another pounce and he had it wrapped in his hands, feeling his prey wiggling, trying to get out. A quick crush and he broke it. Opening his hands, Regulus started to pick at its brown, sweet flesh, crushing it between his teeth. It was good. Tasty. Bits fell to the floor and he cleaned up those traces as well.

Good. He’d killed it.

Feeling more content with this, Regulus wandered through the house, trying to recall what had happened before. He had chased his prey but something important had happened before that. What was it?

Voices.

Ah, the wolf.

Regulus dashed to the warm room where the fire was merrily burning and Sirius sat with the wolf, his brother lounging across the sofa and the wolf, the betrayer of his brother, sat on a chair.

“Sirius said you’ve started to collect the cards.” The wolf said, looking up as he entered and stalked to sit in front of his brother. Sirius may have forgotten but Regulus remembered the pain his brother had felt when the wolf hadn’t saved him from whatever had happened. It would only be a matter of time before it happened again.

Regulus looked at the offered card but did not take it. Sirius shifted forward, plucked the card from the wolf’s hand and placed it in Regulus’ own, wrapping his fingers around it.

“You’ve been wanting this one, remember?” He said and Regulus stared at the picture.

“S… Slyth… Slytherin. Salazar.” He managed to get the words out, forcing his mouth and tongue to roll around the foreign sounds. There was a vague sense that this had once been easy, like breathing. He had a concept of breathing now. He remembered realising that he breathed.

“Yep! Rarer than the other Founders because no one wants him.” Sirius said, in a jolly tone. Regulus stared at it. He knew this one mattered to him. He knew that some days he could remember why he mattered. Grey eyes shifted to look up at the wolf.

“Trick.” He said.

“I watched him take the card out, it’s not a trick Reg.” Sirius said, rubbing his head. Regulus growled and glared at the two. He had no idea how the wolf could just waltz in and make Sirius forget the pain that he had caused.

“Regulus.” That was the stern voice. He barred his teeth at the tone then flinched as Sirius went to grab him.

“Sirius, it’s okay.” The wolf said hastily, producing another box.

“No, if he can’t play nice he shouldn’t get nice things.” Sirius said. The wolf hesitated with his bribes. Regulus hated that they talked about him as if he wasn’t here. He could understand them, their noises made his mind know. It was just hard to remember how to make the noises back.

“Sirius, you said other than the relapse, he’s doing better.” The wolf said before looking at him.

“Would you like another chocolate frog, Regulus?” He asked and his tone was nice. It was always nice and Regulus did not trust that. He did, however, like the frogs. He eyed the box up and licked his lips, thinking on how good its flesh would be.

“Please.”

The wolf hands over the frog, his prize, and Regulus clutched the box tight in his hands. It is his now and it feels good to own things. The desire to consume now falls away and he leaned against the sofa, staring. Sirius went back to talking but the words wash over him. There’s something unsettled in him, a poking feeling that makes his limbs feel restless. Something he should be doing.

Regulus gets up and follows the feeling.

It takes him to his room. There is a draw there with lines. He traces them. Line with three with three lines. Two hills. A curve and circle. Emergency. It is scrawled in a very slow and deliberate attempt to be neat.

He pulls the draw open and inside are boxes, unopened. A collection of frogs. Because sometimes he could plan for the future. That maybe one day he’d want a frog when he wasn’t being given one. That they were useful. Regulus placed the box inside with the rest, then on second thought he shifts it down to the bottom. Older ones on top. Cycle through.

He closes the draw and looks at the top of his desk.

On there sits a hairbrush, with a symbol engraved into its handle. Regulus traced the symbol.

It was a gift, from mother. His initials made into one image. He’d been ten when gifted it. The handle had been big in his hands and he knew its worth. Grabbing it, Regulus brought the brush through his hair, wincing as it tugged at knots. Sometimes Sirius held him down and ran a comb through his black hair. Sirius would try to be gentle. Regulus did not.

His scalp stung but his hair was fixed.

Investigating his desk, Regulus next found a vial. It smelt of woods on hot summer days. The smell pulled memories of walks with friends like Barty or Severus. It was comforting. A pot held a cream, near dried out but which moistened as his fingers touched it. Regulus sniffed his fingers. It was a gentle hint of night blooming jasmine. He’d chosen it because of that. One summer, they had stayed in Southern France and each evening meal had been punctuated by that smell. It reminded him of family and love. He rubbed the cream against his face, a familiar gesture. His fingers found their own and rubbed it into his skin which softened.

The smells of the wood went on the neck and wrists. He remembered that now.

A tub full of powdered silver used the brush to add flakes to his skin so he looked otherworldly and more than the peasants around him.

There was a ribbon. He used it to tie his hair back into a ponytail, leaving just enough loose to frame his face. That took too many goes until it was satisfactory but what stared out at him was a face that he might remember.

Regulus glanced down at his clothes. Attire.

Sirius dressed him in robes that cut off above his elbows, short at the legs and with a split. He knew his movement could be erratic. It was the outfit of a child.

His wardrobe was empty of suitable garb.

Regulus went into the room next to his. Sirius’. The one his brother did not sleep in but was so painfully his. Sometimes Regulus understood why it hurt. Mostly, though, he couldn’t remember. There, in the draws were proper robes. Long, rich and flowing. They smelt of mothballs and dust but it was still a better alternative. He pulled the robes on and they came up short. It made no sense because Sirius was taller than him. Older than him.

But it was more presentable.

Regulus made his way downstairs and back to the parlour. He breezed in and took a seat near the fire. It hurt to sit up straight. His body did not seem to like it but Regulus knew it was proper and expected of him. He didn’t know who expected it.

“Hey Reggie.” Sirius smiled.

“Siri.” He said with a nod. Even that took too much effort. How had this once been so easy?

“You look good.” Wolf smiled.

“Are… are those my old robes?”

Regulus glanced away.

“I hadn’t realised that old hag had kept them.”

“M.” Regulus glared at Sirius. “Mother.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Love.” Regulus said firmly.

“She never felt an ounce of love for us, Reg.” Sirius said, laughing callously. Regulus felt his muscles twitch.

“Sirius.” Wolf cautioned, leaning forwards and placing a hand on the arm of Sirius’ chair.

“What? It’s the truth.”

“You said they kept the room the same as you’ve left it.” Wolf said softly.

“Probably never noticed I left.” Sirius scoffed.

“Or they were waiting for you to come home.” Wolf pointed out gently.

“Fat chance.”

“Did.” Regulus said.

Sirius turned his attention back to him.

“Did they come by the Potters to collect me? Turn up at the Express to pick me up? Ever write me a letter? No, Reg, they didn’t. No one did.”

Regulus pulled his legs in closer, feeling eyes water but he couldn’t be weak. Not in front of the wolf.

“Time. Needed time. Then back.” He whispered. That’s what he’d been told. His brother would come back, he just needed space to realise that he still loved them, that nothing was as important as family. Days became weeks, weeks became months. He just needed more time. He’d come back, see his room kept just as it had been when he had left and would realise that they loved him.

“Sirius-” The wolf said, reaching for Regulus’ brother but he pushed the man’s hands away.

“No! They didn’t care!” Sirius said, his voice shaking and Regulus realised he had zoned out for some of the conversation between the two. He also remembered that the wolf was called Remus.

“I’m not saying that the way they treated you was okay, Sirius. It was wrong and it was good that you got out of it when you did because it was destroying you. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t care. That’s what makes it harder.”

“No one could love their child and put them through that. They didn’t love me. They couldn’t have.”

“I did.” Regulus said softly. Sirius glanced up and ran a hand down his face.

“You didn’t put me through anything, Reg. You were the only thing that made home bearable.” It was a comforting lie and Regulus shook his head.

“I was with mother and father.” He said, his words slow as each rolled around his mouth. “I did not help you.”

“That’s because you were soft enough to believe our parents. You were soft.” Sirius said. Regulus shook his head and stared at his arm.

“I joined.” He pointed out.

“Because they forced you.” Sirius insisted.

“I thought ‘twas right.” Regulus said quietly.

“They brainwashed you.”

Regulus shrugged. Sirius wasn’t convinced but at least he wasn’t fighting.

“I didn’t help you.” He repeated.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Sirius stared at the cold, blank eyes staring up at him.

“James… Lily.” He whispered, hands trembling as they reached forwards, hesitant to cradle the corpses of his friends. As he reached out, he realised his hands were uncomfortably warm. Glancing down, he saw them dripping red. His friends’ skin tore open, pouring blood. He had done this. He was drowning in their blood and the world around him got dark. His heart quickened as a cold touch grabbed his heart and tightened. Slimy hands wrapped around his throat, his legs, his arms. A rattling death gasp and he was falling deeper and deeper.

Sirius screamed, starting awake, thrashing underneath duvet covers as his door banged as if it were about to be smashed in.

He swore and grabbed his wand, unlocking the door and Regulus flew in, snarling at the darkness in the corners of his room and hovering protectively over him.

Sirius’ heart was pounding and his body trembling and he did not have time for Regulus not being OK. He did not want a snarling brother trying to bite his nightmares.

“Reggie, it’s okay. Just a nightmare. Nothing’s attacking me.” Sirius gasped out, trying to place a hand on his brother’s arm to try and comfort him. He did not need a jumpy inferius. Regulus jumped, then glanced around.

“Dream?” He asked. His voice sounded young, uncertain of how to pronounce different words.

“Bad dream.” Sirius confirmed, rubbing Regulus’ arm. His brother calmed down a lot faster than he did and then dashed off to do Merlin knew what. Probably whatever inferii did when everyone else was supposed to be sleeping.

Sirius fell back against the bed. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes but Blacks did not cry. Not the women, not the children, not the men. But if a Black cried and no one was there to see, did they really cry?

Sirius covered his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. He was fine. The dementors weren’t here. It was Peter who had killed James and Lily. Dumbledore had gotten him a pardon for that. The world now knew he was innocent. He would never get sent back th-

Something dropped on his stomach and Sirius let out a blood curdling scream, flinging his arm away from his face to stare up into the shocked face of Regulus.

“Wha?” He asked, glancing down, terrified to find out what Regulus might consider an appropriate midnight gift.

It was a chocolate frog.

Still in its wrapping.

Regulus nudged it towards Sirius with a hesitant smile.

“Thanks.” Sirius said softly. Regulus openly grinned back and dashed over to a chair, watching him. Sirius sighed and took the offered gift, opening it up and carefully grabbing the frog before it could jump. He saw Regulus start, ready to hunt, but control the urge. Remus always said chocolate was the best cure for dementors. It was sweet and creamy and thawed out some part of his chest.

“You saved this?” Sirius asked in sudden realisation. Regulus frowned then gave a nod.

“I can’t kill the nightmares.” He said in his slow and carefully thought out way. “Chocolate might. I think I read it once.”

“Yeah. It does.” Sirius gave a small smile. This was progress. Maybe soon they could have Harry here safely.

“What dream?” Regulus asked, words slipping in perhaps an excitement at being able to keep a conversation going.

Sirius shook his head. He was not going back there. Not at all.

“I can’t… Were you asleep?” He decided, trying to turn the conversation to something he might manage. Regulus frowned and Sirius noticed the dark shadows under his eyes. He hadn’t realised before. They must have slowly built up as Regulus’ body became more and more alive. The frown had made his eyes look sunken in and not too unlike the face Sirius still saw in the mirror.

“Can’t.” Regulus agreed and he went to sit on Sirius’ bed, head hanging down.

“Hey, it’s OK. No one expects you to get back to normal immediately.” Sirius said softly, shifting to pull his brother into a hug. Regulus fell against him. Warm. Alive. Sirius could feel his heartbeat against his side. It was strong.

“Do you need food?” Sirius asked. Regulus shook his head. Well, at least that was something.

“Want you safe.”

Sirius sighed.

“Well, since neither of us are sleeping, why don’t we go into the parlour?” He suggested, throwing off the bed covers and grabbing his dressing gown and wand. On second thought, he also picked up his bottle of firewhisky that rested on his bed side table. It was depressingly low and Sirius hadn’t yet plucked up the courage to do his own shopping. There was only so often he could ask Moony to pick up booze, even when spaced out between what remained of father’s cabinet.

Maybe mother’s cabinet. She’d outlived him and Reg by years.

He hated thinking that he might be using anything she owned.

Regulus followed him on deadly silent feet. It was unnerving. Sirius always felt that Regulus was just about to pounce. They managed to get through to the parlour with no murders and Regulus took his customary place by the fire, waiting expectantly. Sirius muttered the incantation and the fire flickered to life. He took a swig of whisky and offered it to Regulus, who did likewise, coughing.

“Missed whisky.” Regulus commented as he handed the bottle back to Sirius. Sirius gave a bark of laughter.

“When did you have time to miss whisky?”

Regulus frowned and cocked his head.

“Don’t know. Last week?”

“Well, that’s a good sign that you’re becoming yourself again, Reggie. What’s a Black without a love of alcohol?”

His brother hummed and Sirius handed the bottle back to his brother who took another gulp.

“Can… Can I ask?” His voice shook and Sirius took the bottle back. He was going to need it.

“About what?”

“Mother?”

“Died five years after I was sent to prison. Guards let me know. They thought there was something hilarious about me being left this house.”

Regulus sniffed.

“Bellatrix?”

“Captured and put into Azkaban not long after they got me.”

“Narcissa?”

“Uh… you remember she married Malfoy, right? Were you around for her pregnancy? Ok, well, she’s got a baby boy. Same year as Harry.”

Regulus nodded, thoughtful.

“Evan?”

“Rosier? Dead.”

“Barty?”

“Did you know about him? That he was a Death Eater?”

Regulus went silent. Sirius sighed.

“Look, I know he was a good friend of yours at school.”

“New brother.” Regulus said softly. “I… I wanted a brother that mother would approve of. You had James.”

“Did you know?” Sirius asked again, his blood running cold. He hadn’t thought about it but the two had been close. Barty had been a years younger than Reg and practically worshipped the ground beneath his feet. Slytherin cronyism, not that the Crouch family needed it, but they were Slytherins all the way. Bartemius Senior just sucked it up to the crowds and the ministry.

“I brought… Yes. I brought him into the fold.” Regulus’ voice was wobbling now.

“Merlin. Oh Reg!”

“Please tell me he’s okay.”

Regulus had been seventeen when he died and he sounded it. He’d been just a kid. Just like Barty when they dragged him into a cell. Sirius remembered the boy screaming for his mother until he went silent. He remembered thinking if Regulus had been caught before his mysterious death, that’s what he’d have been like. And when Barty had died, Sirius had wondered if Regulus would have lasted that long.

“I’m so sorry.” Sirius said, moving to wrap Regulus in a hug as his brother collapsed in on himself. A sudden ringing filled the air and Sirius just had time to cast a quick shielding charm as glass smashed around them. Regulus was crying openly and Sirius shifted his brother to rest against his shoulder.

“’S my fault.” Regulus whispered as Sirius wrapped his arm around his brother and used the other to wave his wand and restore the room.

“No, you aren’t responsible for others, Reg.” He whispered softly as he held his brother as he fell apart and they tried to put each other back together.

[wreckofawriter]

~Part 1~ ~Part 2~

Parings: Sirius Black x Reader, Regulus Black x reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, James Potter x Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Mentions of blood, fist fight, crude language

Summary: Everyone is lost in the world as the man soon to be called the Dark Lord rises to power. Your parents are already ready to give their life along with your own for this man. You spend your seventh year in Hogwarts being pulled apart by the expectations for you and the hope placed in you by your childhood friend Sirius and his closest companions.

A/n: I'm not a huge fan of this chapter, but here goes anyway. Sorry for inactivity, I've been struggling to focus. I hope you guys enjoy!

~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎~▪︎

    James Potter was simply exhausting. His voice rang in your ears unpleasantly and each time he threw his arm around your shoulder you had to resist punching him in the nose. Unfortunately, there was no escape. The moment he heard you had accepted Dumbledore's offer he had taken the liberty of being your personal owl. Every bit of information you were given about the Order was passed to you through him. His preppy attitude became tiresome quickly and it didn’t take long for you to picture yourself breaking his glasses with your knuckles every time he appeared in front of you.

    You knew it was really jealousy eating you alive not anger but the hatred remained the same. You had never much liked the head boy. He was privileged in a way no other was. You had the money he had but you got the pain that came with it. His full childhood and easy life made your blood turn green with envy. 

    He didn’t seem to catch on.

    “You should come to my quidditch game on Sunday.” James mused beside you his arm rested on your head. 

    The thin thread of your sanity had been torn apart by worries and anxieties. You couldn’t seem to think straight recently as strange dreams you couldn’t quite remember ravaged your mind. You felt like you were thrust into a poisonous haze.

    “It would be really fun,” He continued not noticing your unstable state of mind, “You could see what a badass I am on the pitch.” The wink he threw at you made all that uncomfortable envy you had been holding spill out in front of you. How dare he flirt with you while you were thinking about your very plausible death?

    You stepped away from him fast enough to make him stumble, your books drawn to your chest, “Do you have anything related to the Order to speak to me about?” You spat.

    James suddenly noticed the anger you exhibited, his doe eyes blowing wide for a small moment. He reached for his glasses fidgeting with them for a moment, “Only one thing.”

    “Then say it.” You muttered.

    James didn’t argue, “Dumbldeore wants you at the meeting tonight. No else one but Remus, Peter, Sirius and I know.”

    “What time?”

    “Midnight. You know where.” 

    You nodded curtly turning to leave. You stopped in your tracks turning back towards the curly-haired boy, “Just because I’m friends with Sirius doesn’t mean I’m friends with you.” 

    James felt his face crumble, you didn’t speak another word to him disappearing from his view as you headed towards your class. 

    Remus watched as you chewed on your nails, their polish chipped and uneven, “Are you alright?” he whispered.

    You froze for a moment, “Oh I'm fine, just a bit nervous.” 

    He nodded, taking you half-assed answer and going back to side-eyeing you skeptically. A few minutes passed and you only continued to look worse and worse, your face seeming to pale as seconds ticked by.

    Remus sighed, “Look if you’re worried about the meeting tonight, you’ll be fine. You’ve got James, Sirius and I at your side. Not to mention Dumbledore.” 

    “It’s not that.” You mumbled, “Look I’m fine okay, just…” your sentence trailed into nothing and Remus didn’t want to pry. So instead he watched you suffer, not sure what had you biting your lip raw but wishing he could help you. 

You knew he would be waiting for you. He always was on Fridays, then the two of you would walk back to the dungeons for your little gathering with psychopaths and killers. 

Regulus had his back pressed against the wall next to your classroom, his hands were stuffed into his pockets, eyes on the ground. 

“Hey, Reg.” You grinned watching as he looked up to find you.

His smile was soft as he approached you, not even asking as he swept the books from your hands. 

“I can carry them myself.” you huffed.

“I know.” He shrugged, “Doesn’t mean you have to.” 

You felt a smile twitch on your lips, “You’re such a gentleman Reg! How do you not have a girlfriend?”

His face erupted with color, “Anyway. The meeting is canceled today.”

The rush of relief that you felt kept you from picking up the intentional switch of conversation. You felt suddenly at peace, the world had stilled. You felt comforted and safe like you had been laid down onto clean bed sheets. 

“Oh.” You tried to remain stoic. 

Regulus nodded, his eyes flickering around you, almost as if he was scared. You frowned but spoke nothing of it. The air was suddenly tense, the strange electricity of it almost startling you.

Regulus cleared his throat before speaking, “Actually y/n, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a walk with me?” 

You scrunched your brows, “A walk?” 

“Y-yeah, I heard it was supposed to be super pretty out with all the snow and everything.” He explained, “If you don’t want to it’s fine.” he added quickly afterwards.

You shrugged, “Why not? Sounds fun. I haven’t been out in a while.”

You felt a swell of joy watching his face blossom into a wide smile, his face seemed rosy with happiness. You momentarily forgot that he was your enemy, that he was on your opposing side. At that moment he was just Regulus. Adorable, smiling, happy Regulus. 

“Great.” He spoke but you hardly heard him over the sudden admiration which took root in your stomach. 

You giggled feeling light on your feet, “You’re so cute Reggy.” you cooed before disappearing into your common room.

Regulus almost dropped your books, his cheeks gleaming red. 

It was beautiful out. You had never been one for cold weather but the soft blanket of snow which coated the castle and its ground made you reconsider. The sun was casting small shadows around you, it’s gleam turning the snow into rainbow glitter. You marveled at your surroundings, feet shuffling through the fluffy snow as you walked beside Regulus. 

“It’s gorgeous.” You mumbled eyes flirting around the vast desert of white. 

Regulus hummed in agreement, his gaze dancing between you and his feet.

You set out towards the lake, a few third years attempting to skate atop it, “This was a really good idea Reg.” you said bumping his shoulder with your own. 

“Thanks.” He responded sheepishly, “How are your classes going?”

“I’m so bad at Transfiguration it's a miracle I'm passing.” You groaned, “How about you?”

He shrugged, “FIne, a bit more work than last year but it's not too much.” 

You sighed, “You are way too smart for your own good, I think you took all of your brother’s brain cells.”

Regulus laughed, breath coming out in puffs in the cool air. 

“I swear he is an idiot. I mean he slept with Pearl and then I had to deal with it. Can you believe that? Pearl. The kindest person alive.” You complained, lips pulling into a pout.

“What is your relationship with Sirius anyway?” the dark-haired boy asked suddenly.

You tilted your head slightly, “What do you mean?” 

He looked away from you, “After everything he did you’re still friends with him, I just don’t get it.” 

You felt your lips twitch downwards, “I’ve known him forever. I can’t just throw him out.” 

“I could. I was his brother and I could.” Regulus spoke bitterly.

You felt your chest clench, “Don’t say that. He’s still your brother.” 

He sighed, “You need to look at the future. After school, Sirius isn’t going to be part of your life anymore. I think you need to accept that.”

You stopped. A cold wind blew your hair from your face, the atmosphere was stiff. “Don’t tell me who will and won’t be in my life.” You stated plainly, “I will decide that.”

Regulus had turned back to look at you, his larger form guarding you from the wind which had suddenly picked up. “You’re right.” He said, “But it's something you need to think about.” 

No matter how much you wished he was wrong, he knew he wasn’t. Your life was split in two, the straight path your parents had paved for you suddenly forked away. You were standing just before them, unsure which way you should walk. You needed to make a decision, you couldn’t linger too long and risk losing both options. 

You straighten your shoulder, “I know.”

Regulus nodded and you both began to walk leaving the strange tension behind. 

“Hows quidditch? You guys still practicing in the weather?” you spoke, the switch of conversation fast.

“We’re still practicing, I like it though.” He uttered, “It’s really fun.”

You hummed, “Well that’s good.”

Regulus paused for a moment, “I know you’re not big on quidditch but I was actually wondering if you would go to my match on Sunday.” 

Your thoughts flashed to James that morning, “I don’t know, I mean-”

“You don’t have to.” He cut you off, “I just thought it would be nice to have you there.”

The gentle smile on his lips as he spoke of you broke the small walls you had built, “I’ll go.”

His grin widened, “Really?”

“From what I’ve heard you're pretty good,” You smirked, “You better win.” Just as you finished your sentence something cold and wet hit the back of your head, you shrieked as the snow melted down your back turning swiftly to see Sirius standing a few dozen meters away. It was clear he was cackling, his form doubled over in laughter. 

“You bitch!” You hollered running towards him, hands scooping up some of the snow as you neared him. His laughter was cut off as you nailed him in the chin, snow spraying over his face. His eyes went wide and you giggled reaching for more snow. Before you could act he was lunging at you, body colliding with you as you hit the powder with a thump. Snow splayed around you, some landing on your face and beginning to melt. You attempted to move only to realize Sirius had pinned you to the ground. 

“I win.” He grinned down at you, his hair speckled with white. 

You frowned, “You cheated.”

“You’re just a sore loser,” he argued standing up and offering you a hand which you took.

You shook your head, “Shut up cheater.” 

Your mind wandered back to the younger black brother quickly. You turned to find that he had disappeared, the only evidence of his presence the footprints he had left behind. For some reason the lonely prints made your heart squeeze uncomfortably in your chest.

Midnight came in minutes. It seemed like each time you blinked an hour had past and the sun had disappeared before you could even reminisce about its glow. The stars were hidden by deep grey clouds that night. Snow had begun to fall heavily as you made your way towards the room of requirement. The windows were iced delicately by jack frost as slopes of white hid in their sills. You held your robes close to your chest heart-thumping recklessly within. The empty corridors were cold as if you had walked through a ghost. 

You climbed the stairs of the dungeon and beyond, the portraits murmuring and snoring around you. You felt yourself wishing for someone at your side. You missed Regulus’ comforting presence, his footprints still causing a small ache within you. 

The seventh floor was just as dead as the rest of the castle, its silence deafening in your ears as snowflakes pelted the windows around you. You paced slowly, your heartbeat growing louder and louder with each echoing step. You continued to think of the secret meeting room, James’s advice ringing in your ears. 

The stone began to move in an instant, a door appearing before you. It handle a rusted gold. You reached forward sucking in a breath and pushing the old oak open, its hinges creaked and you were bathed in a warm light. A dozen sets of eyes locked on you.

“Ah y/n, you’re here.” 

You nodded stiffly, eyes flirting from your professor back to the faces of your peers. There was not a single green robe among them, red overpowering everything else. You gulped at the looks of disgust you received, lips turned into grimaces, and eyes narrowed or blown wide in surprise.

You searched desperately for Sirius, but his grey eyes were not among the crowd. Neither was the soft hazel of Remus. Even James’ deep brown was missing. You felt your hands begin to shake, stuffing them into your pocket before anyone could notice. 

A blonde in red was the first to speak, standing from her chair she advanced towards you, fire in her gaze, “What the hell are you doing here you fucking death eater?” 

You felt like you lost oxygen, you were there to help, didn’t she know that? Suddenly there was an arm around your shoulder. 

You glanced up to see Sirius, his eyes narrowed at the girl in front of you. Remus fell to your other side, arms crossed lazily. James stood just behind you, a soft pat on your back telling you. Peter stood to Remus’ right.

“She’s here at great personal risk, not that it's any of your business Mckinnon,” Sirius spoke, his voice strong and unwavering as he stared down the glaring girl. 

“She’s a purist.” The blonde hissed, “She’s a murder. She can’t be here.”

You stiffened, “I’m not a purist.” you spoke, relieved your voice wasn’t shaking, “And I sure as hell never killed anyone.” 

Suddenly a Ravenclaw lept from her seat. She shouldered past Marleen and lunged at you, “Lair!” she shrieked. 

You stumbled as she collided with you, hitting James and toppling over. The girl reached for your hair and tugged on it as her other hand scratched at your face. A nail digging into your skin as yells broke out around you. Sirius tackled the girl holding her to the ground as Dumbledore swiftly stepped between you.

“Your parents killed my brother you bitch! They are filthy murderers just like you!” her voice ringing loud in your ears you felt blood drip into your left eye, the world spinning in red as you tried to recall what had just happened. 

“Murdering whore, fucking cunt!” 

“Shut up!” Sirius hollard, his hand slamming roughly over her mouth and muffeling the cusses she threw at you. 

You sat up attempting to wipe the blood from your face. You could see James beside you on the floor, his attempt to catch you only gaining him an awkward fall. Remus bent down to your level,

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice seemed far away like he was deep underwater.

Your hand went to cradle the back of your head and you winced, “My head hurts,” you mumbled.

Remus cringed, “You might have a minor concussion. You hit your head pretty hard.”

You could hear more yelling, you felt your senses slowly coming back to you like someone had wiped the fog from your vision. 

“Y/n/n, can you follow my finger?” Remus asked and you nodded. His finger lined in front of your head, you followed it back and forth before the brunette was satisfied. 

“I think I’ve got blood on my face.” You mumbled, each time you swiped your hand across your forehead it came back red. 

“You definitely do, that girl scratched the hell out of you.” Remus leaned forward, his hand coming on contact with the fresh cut and you hissed. 

You heard voices behind you 

“We can’t trust her!” 

“She’s giving up more than you could imagine to be here! To help us!”

“Except she’s not!” 

“She’s lying! She is going to ruin us!”

Your head ached with each word the blood wasn't stopping, more and more dripping from the long cut in your forehead. You scrubbed at your eyes everything was going wrong. You were going to be thrown out, you were going to have your choice made for you. Again. The small amount of control you had gained in your life would be ripped from you. You pushed Remus away from you getting to your feet, stars blinking in your vision as the blood rushed to your head. 

Suddenly you couldn’t breathe, the air stolen from your lungs, you gapped helplessly grasping at your stomach. You glanced up in time to see the boy who had punched you. His second stroke landed on your cheek before you could raise your hands and you hit the ground with a loud thud. 

“That’s for my mother you bitch.” He spat.

Your body collided with the floor in slow motion and Sirius’s vision went red. The Yellow robed boy standing over you with a triumphant smile making his blood run cold. He was across the room in record time, his fist connecting with the side of the boy’s face with a yell. Teeth and blood sprayed from his mouth and he fell to the floor. Sirius was on top of him in an instant landing four more punches on the unconscious student.

James lept into action snatching the dark-haired boy by the waist and tackling him off the other boy. Sirius fought him yelling incoherent sentences as he tried to shove the quidditch star away from him.

“Pads! Calm down!” 

“He fucking hit her! He hit her twice, get the fuck off me, I’m going to make him pay.” Just as he finished his sentence his eyes got droopy, his head falling limp as the struggle stopped. 

Lily stood next to him, her wand pointed at the sleeping boy. 

James looked around, the daze of what had happened settling in uncomfortably. Three bodies lay on the floor, each leaking blood onto the carpet of the large room. The students turned to Dumbledore whose eyes were uncharacteristically wide. 

“I think it's time I explain some things.” He muttered. 

You stood motionlessly in front of the painting. Its colors seemed dulled and greyed. Your father stood behind the chair where your mother was seated, both wearing blank stares. You sat beside your mother, face chubby with baby fat, hair cut at your shoulders. Your hands were bandaged in white. The living room reeked of something you couldn’t quite place. The smell making you gag on the air around you. You could feel yourself slipping into some strange obscurity of the world. The scent suddenly became clear. Copper invaded your nose as you choked on blood. Crimson bled from the painting dripping down the expensive wallpaper and pooling on the hardwood floor. You hoped it wouldn’t reach the rug as you rushed to clean the mess before your mother saw. The blood didn’t stop as you scrambled to soak it up with your clothes, the white gown you wore stained with the liquid. Suddenly your hands feel through nothing and you were plunged into a pool of warm red. 

You woke suddenly. Eyes popping open to stare at the white ceiling above you. The room was dark, your eyes slowly adapting to the lack of lighting. You sat up slowly, an ache in your stomach making you hiss. You glanced around you, eyes landing on a mop of black of hair which rested on your bed. Sirius was seated in a chair beside your bed, his head resting on his arms which were folded in front of him. You felt a smile twitch on your lips as he snored softly. 

Your cheek felt numb and puffed, you raised your hand to it and yelped as a sharp pain shot through you.

Sirius bolted upright, “Are you okay?” He asked his voice gravelly with sleep. 

“I’m fine Siri.” You mumbled eyes landing on the white bandages which wrapped his knuckles. You sighed taking his hands into your own, thumb running over the stark white. “What did you do?” 

Sirius wouldn’t meet your eyes, “He punched you. Twice.” 

“How many times did you punch him?” you huffed.

The room stayed silent, you looked up at Sirius to see his eyes locked on your intertwined hands. He hesitated for a moment more. 

“Five times. James pulled me off him.”

“I’ll thank him tomorrow.” You murmured, “I’m tired.” 

“Me too.” 

You began to move, Sirius watched as you pushed yourself to one side of the small hospital bed, “You’re not sleeping in that chair idiot. The last thing I need is you bitching about your back.” 

Sirius smiled, slipping off his shoes and crawling next to you. He could feel your thigh brushing against his as you shifted to face him. His eyes widened when he saw the gloss of your eyes. 

“Why couldn’t it just be easy?’ You whimpered, “I just wanted something to work out for once. I can’t even do the right thing without getting punched.”  

Sirius didn’t know what to say, his words caught in his throat as you looked up at him, a tear melting down your cheek. Sirius let the words he wanted to speak die and instead wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. 

God how he wishes things were easy. 

Taglist:

@accio-rogers @roslea @k3nz-doodl3 @theseuscmander @sleepingalaska @chloe-geoghegan1 @songforhema @wangmangagavroche @evyiione @atomicpunkrock @fairywriter-oracle @moon-zodiac @willowyreads @approved-by-dentists @itslilithsstuff @captainshazamerica @findzelda @oldspirit @smiithys @raised-by-fandoms @lotties-journey-abroad @teheharrypotter

Masterlist

[snarkwrites]

-- about my writing --

I’m currently taking requests / asks for headcanons [ can be either NSFW or just in general or a specific idea ] or fluff/filth Alphabet letters. These are the only requests I plan on taking. If you send me prompts / one shot ideas.. I won’t do them, sorry.

To see what the questions are for the fluff / filth alphabet, see [this post]

[ To my thots anon whomst I love with every cell in my body... Your thots are all going to fall under NSFW headcanons so please.. By all means.. Feel free to send me all the thots you want because I really really really really really enjoy writing them!!! Also, you can find the thots you’ve sent me on my nsfw masterlist, they’re not going anywhere. They were so good I had to add them to a masterlist somehow, I couldn’t resist. At everyone else out there, the same applies to you guys.]

So.. Here’s the thing.. I’ve decided that I’m going to be taking 3 kinds of requests. Those are as follows: Headcanons { filthy, fluffy or themed specifically at your choosing }, fluffy alphabet and filthy alphabet letters. These are the only kinds of request I answer so don’t send me prompts / one shot requests or ideas unless I specifically say otherwise.

Bearing the above in mind, I have some guidelines.

I’m only accepting headcanons (nsfw / fluff / specific theme &/or reader), fluffy or filthy alphabet letters. If you send me one shot ideas or prompts, I’m going to delete them because I don’t do one-shots.

One character per ask. I don’t care how many asks you send. But I ask that you only send one character per ask because that makes things a lot more simple for me.

You can send up to 4 letters in each ask if you’re asking for either version of the alphabet. Be sure to let me know whether you want filth or fluff or a mix of both. IE, you could send me something like this; character name - a, b {filth} & j v {fluff}. I’m not saying your ask has to look exactly like this but it does need to clearly state which version you’re asking for. The format I just did above was just the easiest way that came to mind for me.

The more precise you are with the headcanon requests you send, the better I can tailor them to you. If you just want an overall NSFW headcanon or overall fluff, that’s totally fine. But if you want a specific scenario ( friends to lovers, date night, weddings, the sky is the limit here) you need to tell me that. The same goes for if you want a specific reader (POC, plus size, sick, shy, virgin, imprint, etc) then I need to know that. It’s like I said.. The more specifics you give me, that’s more I have to work from.

As far as headcanons go, the things I won’t write are rape, incest / huge age gaps between reader / character. I’ll only write abuse if someone is getting their just desserts at the hands of character on readers behalf. Any asks containing rape / incest / huge age gaps are going to be deleted.

All asks must come to my inbox. I don’t take requests through DM or in comments on a post. If it helps, my anon is on, so you can request to your hearts content.

If the ask box is closed, this means I’m currently not taking headcanon or fluff/filth alphabet requests. This will also be noted on my blog bio and possibly a post stating why/for how long. Anything sent in after the ask box is closed will either be gotten to the next go around or it’ll be deleted, depending on the situation.

First of all... My content is meant strictly for adults. I do write some things that people underage can safely  read, but that is not always the case. I realize that I can’t stop minors from reading my work, but I can tell you outright that I’d rather you skip over it if you’re underage and it clearly states that it’s not written for anyone underage. Again.. I can’t do anything to stop minors from reading my NSFW content beyond just choosing never to post writing on the internet. And I don’t plan on stopping, so.. yeah.

I put warnings on everything. Reading those will definitely save you time and upset. If you keep reading something I’ve written and it upsets you in any way, I’m sorry but I can’t help. I warned you. You chose to take the risk -and most likely, you chose to skip the warning I gave before the post even started... It’s strictly on you now. It’s out of my hands. Any complaints or things of that nature are gonna be laughed at and deleted out of my inbox because I’m not here to argue or censor myself. I’m not your parents, just a peer. If you as a minor choose to look at me, an adult adjacent person, as an authority figure of any sort... First of all, why? Ya’ll.. no.. please don’t. I’m a hot mess, okay? To look at me like any trust worthy authority figure is... A huge error on your own part. Secondly, please don’t. I’m here to enjoy my favorite fandoms / post content for them. I’m not here to please people / censor myself and my content to make everyone else happy... Let me repeat. I put warnings on everything I post. If you keep reading and you read something you’re not supposed to this is now solely your own problem. Sorry, I guess?

I’ve seen other adults saying that they block minors on here. While I’m not gonna do that.. I will not tag minors in my NSFW content knowingly. If I find out you’re a minor and I’m posting something NSFW for a fandom you’ve asked to be tagged in, I will not be tagging you. Sorry. As much as I say I’m not here to parent you and I’m just your peer and you need to think of me like that instead, I’m also not willing to risk anything, either. I’m truly sorry in advance.

While I’m talking about tagging people / my taglist...If you want me to tag you in my writing, you need to be on my taglist. The taglist can be found [ here ] or you can dm / send an ask telling me you want to be added and I will be more than happy to do so. Don’t be afraid to ask me. I don’t mind at all! 

Every now and then, I’ll tag my friends in things I write. If I tag you in something and you don’t want me to, let me know. I won’t do it anymore. I’m not here to overwhelm or annoy anyone and I don’t want to come off as pushy, either. SO.. if you’re getting tagged or whatever and you want me to stop tagging you, all you have to do is let me know.

If you’re not on my tag list (or I don’t know you well enough to know whether you’d potentially want to read something) I will not be tagging you. If you’re a minor and I know for sure/think  you are and it’s smut, I will definitely not be tagging you.

Content I’m not willing to write or  you probably won’t find here: Incest and Rape. Those are my hard no’s. Just the thought of writing something like that makes me feel gross. I’m also not going to be writing huge age gaps in romantic stories either. (the closest I’ll come is like.. 18/19 and up to 24...) I mean absolutely no offense against people who can and do write things like this, I just can’t? 

American Horror Story; tate langdon, ben harmon, kit walker, kyle, dandy mott, jimmy darling, james patrick march, michael langdon, xavier plympton and night stalker.

Arrowverse; oliver queen, john diggle, slade wilson/deathstsroke, barry allen, cisco ramon, ray palmer, mick rory.

Bands / Celebrities; ask before sending because I haven’t done many of these and I’m still adjusting… Off the top of my head I’ve written for / feel comfortable with Nick Groff (ghost adventures), Jon Bernthal.. There are lots of others but alas, I’d stretch this out so badly if I added too many more names.

Boondock Saints movie; Connor Macmanus Murphy Macmanus & Rocco.

Breakfast Club movie; John Bender.

Castle Rock tv series; Dennis Zalewski, The Kid.

Criminal Minds; Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Hotch, Tobias Hankel & Adam/Amanda.

Crybaby Movie; wade walker.

CSI tv series; Greg Sanders, Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown, Gil Grissom, Tim Speedle, Ryan Wolfe, Eric Delko, Danny Messer, Don Flack, Mack Taylor.

Dazed & Confused movie; Randal Pink Floyd, Mike Newhouse, Ron Slater, Fred O’Bannion and Kevin Pickford.

DC Cinematic; Digger Harkness.

Detroit Rock City movie; Tripp, Lex, Hawk and Jam.

Fast & The Furious series; Dom Toretto, Han.

Four Brothers movie; Angel, Jack or Bobby Mercer

Friday Night Lights tv series; Tim Riggins, ,Matt Saracen, Landry Clarke, Bobby Riggins, Vince.

General Hospital tv series; Sonny Corinthos, Jason Morgan, Johnny Zacarra, Dante Falconeri, several other of the guys on here…

Ghostbusters 80′s version movie; Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler , Peter Venkman, Winston Zeddemore.

Gotham tv series; Jerome Valeska, Jim Gordon, Joker, Riddler.

Harry Potter movies; Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Neville Longbottom.

Horror movies various; Billy Loomis/Scream, Charlie Walker/Scre4m, Wade/ House of Wax, Tom Hanninger/My Bloody Valentine + others. Trust me, there are... So many others. I just didn’t have the brain power to think of them all at the moment.

Law & Order tv series; Barba, Carisi, Stabler.

Lucifer tv series; Lucifer Morningstar.

Luke Cage; Luke Cage, Shades Alvarez.

Marvel Cinematic; Bruce Banner/hulk, Captain america/steve rogers, bucky barnes/winter soldier, eric killmonger, hawkeye/clintbarton, thor, loki, pietro maximoff, venom/eddie brock, starlord/peter quill, ironman/tony stark, wolverine.. I’m a marvel ho.

Mayans MC tv series; Angel Reyes and Ez Reyes.

NCIS tv series; Anthony Dinozzo, Timothy McGee, Marty Deeks, Greg Callen.

On My Block tv series; Spooky Diaz.

Punisher tv series; Billy Russo, Frank Castle.

Riverdale tv series; Jughead Jones, FP Jones, Reggie Mantle, Sweetpea, Archie Andrews.

Shameless tv series; Lip Gallagher.

Sons of Anarchy tv series; Jax Teller, Chibs Telford, Clay Morrow, Juice Ortiz, Opie Winston.

Stranger Things tv series; Jonathan Byers, Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Jim Hopper.

Star Wars movie series; Han Solo, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Poe Dameron, Finn.

Supernatural tv series; Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Crowley, Benny Lafitte, Kevin Tran.

Teen Wolf tv series; Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Derek Hale.

The Crow movie series; Eric Draven and Jimmy Quervo/Wicked Prayer.

The Lost Boys movie series; Edgar Frog, Allen Frog, David, Michael Emmerson, Sam Emmerson.

The Outsiders book/movie; Two Bit Matthews, Dally Winston, Darry Curtis, Soda Pop Curtis, Johnny Cade, Steve Randle.

The Walking Dead tv series; Daryl Dixon, Shane walsh, Rick Grimes, Negan, Glenn Rhee.

The Vampire Diaries tv series; Klaus Mikaelson, Kai Parker, Kol Mikaelson, Jeremy Gilbert, Damon Salvatore.

Twelve Rounds 3 movie; Detective John Shaw.

Twilight movies/books; Jasper Hale, Emmett Cullen, Jacob Black, Paul Lahote, Embry Call.

I’m gonna be honest here. I post on my own time, at my own pace. Some days I post constantly, sometimes it’s days or even weeks, and occasionally, a month before I post anything. So.. Now ya know.

If I’m not on and posting, odds are I’m busy, taking a break or whatever. But I’ll come back! I always do. 

Basically, what I’m saying here is I have no set posting schedule. At all. I post what I want when I’m in the mood to do so. Just something to keep in mind when you’re asking for headcanons / nsfw alphabet letters with characters.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Slytherin Sirius Black & Gryffindor James Potter through the years please!! There's not enough of this it's such an interesting dynamic. Can go enemies to friends to crushes or right from enemies to crushes or could be friends the whole way or friendly rivalry - whatever you think would have happened - just interested in seeing more fic that explores Hogwarts if Sirius went to Slytherin! The train scene still happened! And I think Sirius would still dislike Snape at least a bit if not a lot?

((A/N: A bit of internalized/period-typical homophobia, nothing explicit))

When Sirius met one James Potter, he'd thought lots of things. How big his smile was, how over-sized his glasses looked on his comparatively tiny head, how confident he was, how happy he seemed, hos excited he was to finally be going to Hogwarts so he could be in Gryffindor just like his parents. The only thought that stuck with him over the years was much simpler than that initial rush of emotions: James was going to change his entire life. 

Sirius had sat on the stool in front of the entire school as the Sorting Hat dropped over his eyes. 

'Hmm, Gryffindor could be good for you. Yes, you have courage aplenty, certainly enough loyalty to make friends there. You could do well in Gryffindor.' 

Sirius was on top of the world. He'd always hoped to get in Gryffindor, but almost hadn't dared believe it would actually happen. He was going to get what he'd always wanted, but it felt like an icy block crashing into him when the Sorting Hat continued. 

'But no. No, I think Slytherin is the place for you." 

'Wait!' Sirius thought in a panic. 

'You will not lose your friends in Slytherin, but you would have lost your brother in Gryffindor,' was all the Hat said about it before shouting, for everyone to hear, "Slytherin!" 

*

First and second years had been pretty good. James still talked shite about Slytherin, but Sirius did the same and it was his House. They were friends all the same, and Sirius considered marching up to the Sorting Hat and telling it that it'd been wrong and Sirius did belong in Gryffindor. 

For some reason, everything changed in third year. Siruis had figured that things could only get better the older they got, but James changed. All the shit he had said about Slytherin before was now specifically about him. Sirius didn't have any good comebacks to that, so he just started keeping Regulus company and ignored all the weird looks people gave him for hanging out with a first year. 

"Don't you have any friends?" Regulus asked, a touch desperately. He'd barely gotten to Hogwarts and he was already shunned by all of his peers. 

"nope." Just to bug him, Sirius threw an arm around his shoulders. "it's just you and me, Reg." 

"Don't call me Reg." 

"Why?" 

"It makes me sound like a little kid." 

"Whatever you say Reggie." 

Regulus shoved at him ineffectually. After a minute, he capitulated, giving a heavy sigh as Sirius grinned victoriously. 

The day after that, James hexed his bag so that spiders came pouring out whenever he opened it. In return, Sirius shut off all the water in Gryffindor Tower. He got detention where James hadn't, but to be fair, it was a much better prank than some spiders. 

Not to be outdone, James flooded the Slytherin dormitories the week after-- doubtlessly the in between time was spent with James in the library, researching how to accomplish such a thing. He got detention that time, and for some reason the professors thought it'd be a good idea to have them in the same classroom. James said something about Sirius being a blood purist. Sirius said something about James's parents (an absolute lite, he adored Fleamont and Euphemia as much as they did him), and somehow they blew out on of the classroom's walls. After that, separate detentions. 

A month later-- a month filled with nightly detentions, a hidden broomstick, ruined inkwells, a bribed portrait, a charmed suit of armor, talking quills, and coloured rain in the Great Hall-- Professor Dumbledore called them into his office. He sat calmly behind his desk, hands resting on the desktop as the two boys sat sullenly in front of him. "Lemon drop?" he offered. Sirius took one; James didn't. Dumbledore took one, sucking on it in silence for a while as he thought. Or maybe he was daydreaming and wanted them to stew for a while, either way, nothing was said for a long time. "I appreciate the ingenuity both of you have shown, but I would like to have a school by the end of the year. If I recall correctly, the two of you were friends last year, were you not?" 

Sirius glanced at James, but it didn't look like he was going to say anything given that his jaw had a stubborn jut to it. "Last year, yeah." 

"It is, of course, no business of mine for what ended that friendship and led you to here, but it seems to me that this situation could be easily solved if the two of you talked." 

"We talk," James muttered. 

"I do not believe yelling insults at each other in the middle of your class could be considered 'talking', but perhaps times have changed since I was a young man. All I mean to say is that it would behoove all of us to be united instead of divided in these times." The usual twinkle in Dumbledore's blue eyes was gone as he said that, as serious as either of them had ever seen him before. "Off to class with you," he said with a smile. 

"Thank you Professor," they both said. Sirius noticed that James grabbed a lemon drop before he left. Once they made it down the stairs though, he still had it in his hand, rolling it around like it was a toy instead of a sweet. "Sorry," James said before Sirius could walk away. "Things... got sort of out of hand, yeah?" 

"Yeah." Not that Sirius hadn't been having fun, but he'd wanted to be doing those things with James, not against him. "What got into you? We were fine until you started hating me out of nowhere." 

"It wasn't out of nowhere," James said defensively. "You were acting like a stuck up prick the moment you saw me!" 

"I was not." 

"You were so." 

"Wasn't." 

"Was." 

"Ugh we're getting nowhere," Sirius complained. 

"Figured that out myself, thanks," James said, then sighed. "Would it kill you to hang out with me once in a while? You spend all your time cooped up in the Slytherin common room, I never get to see you." 

"And where should we meet? The Gryffindor common room?" 

"We used to meet in the library." 

"Madame Pince kicked us out last time." 

"Because you set a book on fire." 

"That was an accident! And the book was fine, she completely overreacted." 

"Well I say we start going there again. She can't kick us out for life." 

"She can try," Sirius grumbled, remembering the positively murderous look on her face. 

"Cheer up mate, we'll be fine." James slung an arm around his shoulders and started leading him off. 

"That's easy for you to say, you've got detention with Flitwick tonight. You know who I have it with? Slughorn." 

"He's not that bad." 

"Yeah, but he's weird. He keeps trying to talk to me about my grandfather, as if I give a single fuck about that old geezer." 

*

Somewhere in fourth year, Sirius started sneaking into Gryffindor Tower, and in fifth year, he, James, and Peter got the brilliant idea to become animagi to keep Remus company on the full moon. 

It was the morning after one such full moon when Peter and James were off to the kitchens for some food, leaving Sirius and Remus alone in the Hospital Wing together. "Don't take this the wrong way," Remus said quietly, his throat probably scraped raw from the transformation, "but what are you still doing here?" 

"Well let's see, can't leave you alone so soon after a transformation, and normally the kitchen runs are done in pairs. Add that to the fact that I was already with you and didn't want to move, and tada! I'm still here." 

"Not that." Remus had to stop to cough weakly. "I meant... y'know, us, James. Gryffindors and blood traitors or whatever else it is." 

If Remus had punched him, Sirius would probably be less surprised. "What?" 

"You know what I mean. I mean-" he coughed again "-I know that you don't get on with most of your housemates, but things're getting worse." 

Unfortunately, Sirius did know what he meant by that. Nobody was willing to put a name to it yet-- not around him, at least-- but there was a threat out there. Someone was stirring up anti-muggle and anti-creature sentiments, getting together groups, and spreading their influence. Sirius was from an old family that believed in those bullshit conservative forms, and Remus was not only a half-blood, but a werewolf. He grit his teeth. "What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean." 

"I know you're not- I just mean, maybe you'd be safer... if you stopped. Your parents-" 

"Fuck my parents, I'm not going to abandon you." 

"I'd still have James and Peter, I wouldn't be alone." 

"Yeah well tough shit, you'll have to deal with me too," Sirius said, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair. 

Remus sighed but didn't try to argue further. One way or another, they'd find out how this ended. 

*

Regulus saw Sirius walk over to Mulciber, and he didn't really worry about it. Sirius was going to be his usual overprotective but ultimately harmless self. It wouldn't hurt anyone for him to throw a few threats around, and Regulus was even hopeful that maybe it would help him. He wasn't expecting for Sirius to haul off and punch him square in the face. 

Regulus watched the scene with wide eyes. He wanted to help, to stop Sirius from getting in trouble, but he was frozen in place. Most of their housemates were either too cowardly to intervene, figured that it wasn't their problem, or were like Regulus, too shocked to move. He expected for it to end after a couple punches, but then Mulciber was getting knocked down to the floor and Sirius wasn't stopping. 

In the end, a couple of the blokes on the Quidditch team pulled him off of Mulciber, blood staining his knuckles and resisting like he wanted to beat him to death with his bare hands. "If you ever touch him again, I'll kill you!" Sirius screamed. Regulus shrank in on himself, embarrassment creeping in. By Salazar, he never should've told Sirius what happened-- wouldn't have if he'd known that this was going to be Sirius's reaction. 

All he wanted to do was disappear, maybe leave the Common Room so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone else, but instead he walked over to Sirius-- now released because they were dragging Mulciber to the Hospital Wing, and it was obvious that Sirius was only interested in hitting one person that was no longer in the room. "What the hell is wrong with you," Regulus hissed, grabbing Sirius's arm and pulling him towards the stairs to the dormitory. 

"Nothing. Or at least nothing compared to what's going to be wrong with him," Sirius sneered. 

Regulus paled. "You can't be serious. If you do anything worse, you're going to be expelled! You might be anyways with what just happened." 

Sirius scoffed, pausing in walking to put his hands on Regulus's shoulders and look at him condescendingly. "Little brother, this is the perk of being from the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Do you really think Dumbledore would be allowed to expel me? Hogwarts would lose one of its biggest benefactors, and he could kiss that Chief Warlock title of his goodbye. I have the best scores in my entire year even if they have the occasional disciplinary issue with me. They're not going to throw all that away." He pat Regulus on the shoulder before turning to head down the hallway. 

Regulus swallowed. Dread was crawling up in his stomach. He was terrified of what Sirius was planning, but he couldn't make himself follow. That was the first time Sirius had truly scared him, looking too much like their parents for comfort. He tried to force his legs down to the seventh year dormitory room, but he turned into his own, shaking so badly he felt like he was going to fall apart. 

Nothing would happen. Sirius would cool off, Mulciber would keep his bloody distance, and Regulus would be able to write this all off as a bad memory. What Regulus didn't know was that Sirius was already leaving the Common Room, a Disillusionment charm keeping him out of sight. 

He lifted it once he was down the corridor, not wanting for a Professor to catch him and (correctly) assume that he was up to no good. And who should see him when he was close to the Hospital Wing, but James. Bugger. That ruined his plan of not being remembered at all, but he could roll with it. He plastered on an expression that looked not as anti-social. 

"Sirius," he said, sounding surprised, but not happy to see him. "I saw Mulciber in the Hospital Wing. What happened?" 

"Minor disagreement," Sirius said mildly. He knew he wasn't keeping the anger out of his eyes though. 

"A minor disagreement that broke his nose? He lost teeth, Sirius. I know the bloke's a total twat, but you're going to get in serious trouble for this. What were you thinking?" 

Sirius dropped the semi-pleasant demeanor. "I was thinking that he's done a hell of a lot worse, and if somebody stops him now, he won't have a chance to keep on like he has been." He's a fucking Death Eater, Sirius thought. He volunteered for a brand on his arm and he tried to force my brother to do the same when all Regulus has ever wanted is for our parents to be proud of him. Sirius was terrified that if he didn't head it off now, Mulciber-- or somebody else like him-- would succeed. Regulus was strong in his way, but how much longer would he be able to hold off when he knew it was something their parents approved of? 

James was looking at Sirius like he didn't recognise him. Anybody else would have thought Sirius was being dramatic, that he was making a bad joke; James knew him better than to believe that. "Give me your wand." 

"What?" 

"Your wand, now." 

"I don't know what world you seem to think you live in, but I'm not fucking doing that." 

"Give it to me before you do something you regret." 

"Giving it to you would be something I regret," Sirius snapped. 

James didn't look like he was going to budge. He wasn't aggressive about it, he simply was there, like a boulder that was going to block his path no matter how much Sirius tried to talk his way out of it. Unless he was willing to fight, Sirius wasn't going to make it past him. He was actually considering it when James took the wind out of his sails. It was easy. A single word, softly spoken. "Sirius." 

Sirius took his wand out of his pocket and shoved it, lengthwise, into James's chest. 

James brought up a hand to catch it, and with the other he grabbed Sirius's wrist. His grip was light, easily broken if Sirius didn't want it. "Thank you. I'll give it back in the morning, yeah?" 

"Fine," Sirius muttered, turning on his heel and skulking back to the dungeons. 

In the morning, Sirius felt like he was going to be sick. The spell he'd had in mind wouldn't out-and-out have killed Mulciber, but it probably would have ended up that way. And that's if Sirius was exacting in casting it in the first place. The room for error with a spell that dark wasn't very big. One mistake and Mulciber would have died before dawn. Zero mistakes, and he likely would have died within the next year or two. Sirius was going to go through with it. Would have done if James hadn't stopped him. Gods what James must think of him. He covered his face with his hands, wishing he would just die now and save everyone the trouble. But no time for that. The best way to make it was to fake it, right? He got out of bed and pretended like nothing had happened, not even him beating the shit out of Mulciber in front of the entire House. 

James found him shortly after he left the Common Room. He waited until he was at his side to hand him his wand back. "Here." 

"Thanks," Sirius mumbled. 

"Sorry for er-" 

"You were right to." 

James just looked at him, worried. "Still. Would you have really-" He cut himself off, shaking his head; he didn't want to know the answer to that question, and he didn't want to make Sirius think about it either. "Nevermind. You going to get your hands healed?" 

"Nah, I figure they'll keep me distracted while I'm in detention." 

You're punishing yourself, James thought. He almost said it, but Sirius would get defensive and probably snap at him. He wasn't willing to risk that with everything else going on. Being right wasn't important as all that. Instead, he shrugged. "I suppose. Personally I think you should just give me a call." 

"And distract you from your homework? That would make me quite the menace to society, I shan't risk it." 

"Yeah, you never risk anything," James said with a snort, slinging a casual arm around his shoulders and heading for the Great Hall. 

"Won't it ruin your golden reputation to be seen with me?" Sirius asked, as though they hadn't been friends their entire time here except for those couple months in third year. 

James rolled his eyes, unable to help feeling a little annoyed. "Mate, take a breath and fucking chill. If you want to be alone, just say so." Sirius stayed silent. "Then stop harassing me and tell me the latest Slytherin gossip." 

"I'm not telling you what happened." 

"Aw c'mon!" 

Sirius shook his head, trying to let James pick up his mood and not let it fall again. Being close to James these days was an exercise in self-loathing. Men weren't supposed to feel this way about their best mates, he knew that much. It would take more than that for James to hate him at least, but he wasn't going to risk it. The only way this could turn out good was if James was as sick and twisted as Sirius, and there was no chance of that happening. Last night had proved that James was everything good in the world, and Sirius was not. 

Sirius leaned into him, feeling himself relax a little more. He had no idea what he was doing. He really didn't. 

*

Mulciber kept a wide berth around both Black brothers, which was exactly how Sirius liked it. He thought-- naively perhaps-- that that would be the end of it for a while. He wasn't expecting to be in the library one day and see Regulus tucked between rarely used bookshelves with Severus fucking Snape. Some people thought Snape wasn't as bad as Mulciber in the whole blood purity shit since he was a half-blood, but Sirius thought that it made him worse. He felt like he had something to prove, and it wasn't something he'd grown up with his parents telling him, it was something he'd found on his own and decided to believe. 

And now his little brother and Snape were having clandestine meetings where they thought no one else would see them. 

"Debating which opening move is the best in chess?" Sirius interrupted, leaning leisurely against the bookshelf. 

They both jumped, Regulus guiltily, and Snape in surprise then loathing. 

"I'm no expert, but I've hear moving the middle pawns is a bad idea." 

"Black," Snape sneered. He wasn't half as frightening as he thought he was, which made Sirius want to knock in his teeth that much more. 

"Not a fan? Let me guess, that's your opening move every chess game."

"We were just talking, Sirius," Regulus said quietly. 

"I'm sure." He looked at Snape. "Go away." 

Snape glared at him, then looked at Regulus, expression softening. "You're not a dog, and he's not your master. You can make your own decisions." With that, he left, whisking past Sirius like he was afraid if he stuck around Sirius was going to attack him. He probably would have. 

Sirius walked closer and picked up Regulus's bag from where it had fallen to the floor. "What were you talking about?" he asked quietly. 

"You're not my keeper," he mumbled, snatching his bag back. 

"No, I'm your brother, and I care about you. It was about that bloody gang or whatever they're calling it, wasn't it?" 

"I can look after myself," Regulus said, avoiding his eyes. 

That was as good as a confession, but Sirius knew that he was on thin ice right now. "Reg... that used to scare you. Last year, you were freaking out, and now you're considering it? I'm worried about you." 

"I'm-" Regulus stopped, running an aggravated hand through his usually precise hairstyle. "I'm not actually considering it," he hissed, looking down the line of the shelves to make sure no one would overhear. "But at the end of this year you'll be gone, and I'll be all by myself. If they don't think I'm considering it, I'll never survive the next two years." 

Sirius wanted to scream, wanted to claw a way out of here so that Regulus could be safe, but he wasn't seeing it. It wasn't possible. "I hate this." 

"Yeah well, I do too. But I don't see another way out of this unless it all disappears overnight." 

"Just- just make sure you don't actually go, okay? I don't want to lose you." 

"Good, cause I don't plan on being lost. You're planning on getting your own flat when you graduate, right?" 

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" 

"Assuming I make it out of this bloody school with my skin intact, I'd like to have somewhere I can go." 

"Away from our parents," Sirius guessed. 

"Away from everyone." 

"Yeah, of course." Sirius knew that they weren't the touchy-feely- types, but he gave him a hug anyways. "I've always got a place for you." 

*

"You're getting a flat when you graduate?" James asked, clearly surprised. 

"Yeah." 

"Huh, I'd have thought you'd stay with your parents." 

"Why the hell would I do that? I've been counting down the days until I don't have to live with them anymore." 

"That's fair. I always thought I'd stay with mine when I graduated." 

Before Sirius really meant to say anything, he heard himself saying, "You can stay with me." James looked over at him, just as shocked as Sirius himself was. "If you want," he added quickly. "Your parents are great, but sometimes you want space, you know?" 

"Yeah I- are you serious? Because if you're not joking, I'm totally in. Too bloody scared to go off on my own, but if we're sharing, then I'm not by myself." 

"Exactly!" Sirius said, grinning. Then, thinking that he shouldn't be so excited, he tried to tone it down. "I mean, right, that's good. I didn't really want to be on my own either, but I preferred it to staying in that fucking house." 

"What's wrong with the house?" 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "There's a reason I've never invited you over." 

"I thought that was because your parents hated me." 

"That too. Also because I like your parents." 

"They're good," James agreed, and Sirius couldn't help but laugh. They didn't have problems talking to each other, not really, but this had been awkward from the start. 

*

When he came home to find James sat on the couch crying, it wasn't hard to realise what had happened. Fleamont and Euphemia had caught Dragon Pox earlier in the year, and at their age, they all knew how it was going to end. Sirius pulled off his shoes and walked to the couch. The second he sat down, James threw his arms around him, crying into his shoulder. 

"I'm so sorry, Jamie," Sirius said quietly, hugging him back. "I'm so so sorry." 

He was quiet for a minute, and then he said, voice thick, "It's okay. We knew it was going to happen, and they were getting old anyways." 

"Still, I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone got Dragon Pox anymore, it's so stupid that that's what killed them." 

"Yeah." James sniffled. 

Sirius knew he shouldn't have said 'killed'. Why the fuck did he say killed. The truth was that Sirius was getting desensitized to all the violence that was happening around them. People were getting attacked and murdered on a weekly basis by the Death Eaters. In comparison, Mr. and Mrs. Potter dying from a disease was quieter. He hated himself for even thinking it, and it certainly made him sad to know that he'd never see them again, but mostly he was thankful that they hadn't perished from something more violent. "Your parents were wonderful James. I'm sorry they're gone." 

James held him tighter. "Me too." One, two breaths, and then James was kissing him. 

Sirius jolted, but James was holding him in place so it didn't dislodge where their lips met. When James pulled back to breathe, Sirius asked, "What are you-" 

James was kissing him again, crawling into Sirius's lap before he could finish the sentence. He kissed him like he was desperate for it, held onto Sirius like he was the only person in the world he wanted. 

That wasn't right. James couldn't want him, not like that. "James, what-" 

It felt like James was determined not to let him get a word in edgewise, always kissing him again. His tongue slid into Sirius's mouth, hot and insistent and making Sirius drunk on him because he was getting what he'd wanted for years. James moved against him, rolling his hips and it was only then that Sirius realized he was hard-- both of them were. 

"James, we c-" can't. 

Unsurprisingly, James didn't let him finish the thought, rubbing against him with frenzied movements. It didn't occur to Sirius that he could push him off, and with that pressure on his prick-- from James of all people-- he wasn't thinking much of anything anymore. They both made fucking messes in their pants, and that was around the time that James realised what he'd done. He jerked back, eyes wide. His nose was still red from when he'd been crying, and rapidly filling his expression was horror. 

Sirius kinda felt like crying himself as James fell on his arse in his hurry to get away. "James-" he said, holding out a hand to help him up, only to stop when James flinched. 

"Sorry, I- er- sorry," James said in a rush, scrambling to his feet and away to his room. 

What should've been something great was just... shite. Sirius felt worse than he did before, which was saying something given how miserable he was these days. It could always get worse, and this just did. He covered his face with his hands, the come in his pants cooling uncomfortably. He wanted to never think about this again, but he knew that if he said nothing, James was likely to move out. Right after his parents died, that was the last thing he needed. Of course he also didn't need his best mate shagging him right after he got the news, but there was nothing Sirius could do about that now. A quick cleansing charm took care of his pants, and he got to his feet. He padded to the door and knocked gently. "James?" 

No response, he knocked again. 

"C'mon, talk to me." Sirius sighed, wondering if maybe he should drop it. He didn't want to though, he wanted James to fucking talk to him. He knocked again, not expecting to get a response. 

James opened the door, looking half-miserable and half-terrified, which wasn't something Sirius had known was possible until now. "I'm sorry," he said quickly, eyes trained on the floor. It was ridiculous that James was avoiding looking at him, but it meant that he hadn't seen the awkward half-fall Sirius did when James opened the door. 

"Yeah," Sirius said, feeling like his hear was somewhere around his knees. He was surprised that James had opened the door, but not that an apology was the first thing out of his mouth. "I get that." 

"I won't do it again, I swear." 

That too, was expected unfortunately. 

"Please don't kick me out."

Sirius blinked. "Why would I kick you out?" 

"For- you know." Great, he couldn't even bring himself to say it. 

"I'm not going to kick you out for that." 

"You're not?" 

"Fuck no. You were upset, mistakes happen, it's okay." 

James hadn't been moving much to begin with, but at that he absolutely froze. "Mistakes happen," he repeated. 

"Er, yeah. So, you know, you don't need to leave or freak out of anything. We're good." James leaned into the door frame, then chuckled sadly, knocking his head against it. "A mistake. I'll be the first one to admit that the way I did that was total shite, but I was kinda happy it wouldn't turn out like this." 

Sirius was utterly lost. "What are you talking about?" 

For the first time since running away to his room, James looked at him. "You're a good person Sirius. I don't know why you think you aren't, but you are. I've been in love with you since I was thirteen. And just- whenever I make a complete arse of myself, you don't throw me out or get disgusted, you tell that everything's okay." 

Sirius's mind didn't know what to say to that, but his mouth was taking care of it. "That's because everything is okay. You just lost your parents and you're talking nonsense Jamie. Get some sleep and we can talk in the morning." They were things Sirius had waited years to hear, but James couldn't mean it. He wasn't trying to be cruel-- James didn't have it in him to be cruel to him-- but there wasn't a chance he truly meant it. 

"Why don't you believe me?" James asked, sounding heartbroken. "I love you." 

Sirius cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yeah Jamie, I love you too, but-" 

"Don't. Just... don't." James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I should probably go. Someone's got to look after the mansion, the different properties and stuff. Might as well be me." 

"You're leaving?" 

He nodded, looking awfully small. 

"We're safer together. Did you hear about that attack on Dorcas's parents?" 

"Yeah Sirius, I heard. We were together, remember?" 

"Then why are you leaving? I thought we were fine, we were just saying that." 

"Actually what you said was that we're fine because you don't believe me. I said- well, doesn't matter, does it? And nowhere's safe, Sirius. If we're together, it just means we'll die together, not that we'll be safer." 

For some reason, James being so despondent about it convinced Sirius of his sincerity more than when James had confessed. It was stupid-- Merlin it was so stupid and Sirius did it anyways-- but he grabbed James by the front of his shirt and yanked him forward, pressing a hard and desperate kiss to his mouth. 

"I'm so bloody confused," James whispered in the air between them. He had one hand up, gripping Sirius's wrist where Sirius was holding onto him. 

"You'd be better without me," Sirius said back, just as quietly. He should've let James leave and continue on as friends who only saw each other once a week, but he was too selfish to let him go. 

James frowned at him, having to tilt his head up since Sirius had gotten taller than him somewhere around fifth year and stayed there. "Nothing's better without you. Sirius, you're... I mean, we're... you know?" 

It was another one of those moments where Sirius could easily misunderstand and push James away, but he was still gripping James's shirt and he didn't want to let go. He never wanted to let go. "Yeah, I know." 

James leaned up, slowly. Plenty of time for either of them to change their mind this time. Their kisses before had been hard and desperate, too much teeth and biting like they wanted to take a piece of the other person with them. This was a nuzzle, soft and comfortable as they held each other. Sirius's hand relaxed in the front, curving around to James's back so it was more of an embrace. 

"Don't leave," Sirius begged. "Stay with me." 

"Maybe-" James kissed him again, moaning softly when Sirius leaned into it. "I do need to look after the house. Would you come with me?" 

It was on the tip of Sirius's tongue to say yes, but loud, frantic knocking on the front door interrupted him. James let go of him and they both padded to the door, wands drawn. Sirius peered the peephole, then wrenched the door open. "Reg? Why aren't you at school?" 

Regulus threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around Sirius in a way that did nothing to hide how badly he was shaking. "I can't stay there. Don't make me go back, Sirius, please don't make me go back." 

"Hey, it's okay, you're fine, I've got you." Sirius's tone was calm, but the look he sent James was downright panicked. "You don't have to go back, it's fine, you can stay here." 

"Thank you," he said, practically sobbing. 

"I'll put the kettle on," James said, fleeing to the kitchen. He had the feeling that when Regulus realised he was there for that, he'd be embarrassed, and James didn't want to add that on top of whatever else he was dealing with. 

Sirius joined him a minute later when James was still trying to find honey and cream. "Hey," he said, voice low so it wouldn't carry, "I wanted to check with you; it is okay that he stays with us, right?" 

"'Course. Did something happen?" 

"He's not saying, but I'd guess that yeah, something happened. Or maybe it got to be too much being in Slytherin with things the way they are, I dunno. I wasn't planning on pushing it." 

James nodded. Perfectly understandable, he wouldn't want to talk about it either. 

"Erm, James we're- I mean, are we good?" 

"Yeah." James took his hand and squeezed it gently. "We're good mate." 

"Great. Is now a bad time to mention that I used the last of the earl grey and haven't picked up any more?" 

James snorted, giving his hand another squeeze before letting go. "I grabbed some on my way home from work yesterday, we're set." 

Sirius's shoulders relaxed, and he smiled at him. It had been a tiring night, and it was sure to get worse. There was still stress visible on his face, but James wasn't as worried as he would've been a week ago. James pulled him in for a hug, then turned his head so he could smell Sirius's neck. 

"I know it's a ways off," he muttered, "but I promise that the next time we have sex, it'll be better." 

An involuntary shudder went through Sirius, and he tilted his head to rest it on top of James's. "I'll hold you to that." The kettle started whistling, so Sirius pulled away, unable to keep from giving him a quick kiss. "Love you. I er, couldn't remember if I said it before." 

"You did," James said, but he was grinning like he could hear it every minute of the day and still be happy for more.