#joker ngl your giving one sided feelings with that

[accidentallyadoptedbybatman]

To my fellow Gothamites

Does anyone remember that one day, before we had Signal, that during the morning at like 10am Joker held a Gala hostage as a weird Happy Birthday to himself and Batman just Did Not Show??

And Joker got so upset after 6 hours that he jusT LEFT?? Like he didn't even kill anyone he straight up just left and from that day since he's rarely to almost never attacked during the day

That wasn't a fucking fever dream was it??

[mad-hunts]

Joker has a lovely singing voice, does Barton sleep better to lullabies or songs? Or just feel more at ease because of them? I imagine Joker would sing for her cell block on particularly bad nights...

OOH, she does? honestly... i love that for her — and i can totally imagine your joker having a beautiful voice, NGL!! but that's an interesting question as well as a very sweet sentiment... like, oh my gosh 🥺 now i'm even MORE of a fan of the concept of the rogues being there for each other in arkham, like you were talking about, because they don't really have anyone else. i honestly don't think that barton grew up with having lullabies sung to him, TBH. i think that he did have several songs sung to him as a kid (particularly by his surrogate dad, winslow) when he couldn't sleep, however, and they did help.

so i'm inclined to say the same would apply for him now; especially with barton's reputation for nights being the worst time for him quite often, because he doesn't have anything to distract him from his thoughts. and that is outside of arkham. so, INSIDE of it? they'd probably unfortunately be even worse because barton REALLY doesn't like not being in control of a situation. and some sedatives do have a possibility of giving you terrible side effects like trembling + muscle spasms, so yeah 😬

i could picture music affecting him positively / helping him feel more at ease. this does make me want to ask one question, though. what kind of songs does joker like? because don't get me wrong, anything would probably help barton, BUT i'm just curious (,:

[natsfirecat]

Hey hon I have a request

I’ve checked all your guide lines and made sure this was okay to send in

I’ve had this idea for ages and you write amazing so I thought I’d send it to you!

This would be Natasha x fem reader

So I was thinking ex hydra(but not a super soldier) or ex red room Assassin r where they gave her a joker smile as a reminder that she is and will always be a monster? And she doesn’t tell nat like she’s hides it with maybe one of those masks(is that what they are?) from winter Soldier that nat wears? And once nat finds out(maybe she caught r without it) whenever she goes to kiss you she always kisses the scars? And she remind her everyday that she is lovable and not a monster?

I’ve always thought this was a really cute and sweet idea!

If any of this request makes you uncomfortable feel free to leave that part out or not do it at all! Just please let me know if i need to request it somewhere else love!

Not A Monster

word count: 2.1k

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem reader

warnings: forced killing, blood, knives, scars, lmk if i need to add any more!

A/N: i really liked this request it was really interesting to write ngl. i hope this turned out how you imagined it anon!! :D

You tapped the side of your head, watching as the lines on your face slowly disappeared. Giving a satisfied smirk, you then left the bathroom.

Your hand trailed against the wall as you walked down the hallway. The pattern of your footsteps slowly made their way into the living room where everyone was waiting for you.

Your girlfriend shifted on the couch, making room for you beside her.

"Hey," she said, immediately leaning into your side as you sat down. "What took so long?"

You shrugged, wrapping an arm around her to pull her closer.

"Sorry," you said, realizing that you were holding up movie night.

"Don't worry about it,"

She leaned closer, then kissed your cheek before leaning her head against your shoulder as you rested yours against her head.

Tony began flipping through movies, waiting for someone to say something.

Finally, Peter spoke up at A Nightmare on Elm Street.

No one protested, so Tony put it on.

You snuggled up closer to Natasha, especially with the creepy music that started up right away.

You ran your hand through her hair, moving your fingers as the anxiety began building up in your stomach. She noticed this, so she reached her arm over to hold your other hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

You weren't afraid in the sense that you'd scream at the jump scares and deaths, but movies like this often made you feel sick.

You dreaded the noise that came as Freddy Krueger scratched his knife nails against the wall. Without realizing it, you held your breath as he whispered.

As the movie continued playing, you squeezed your girlfriend's hand tighter as the uneasiness settled in even more.

When your breath became uneven, you tried to focus on something else. With one hand, you kept playing with her hair while you ran your thumb in circles across her palm with your other hand.

Once the movie got near the end, and Freddy had killed almost everyone, you were still gripping her hand tight.

"What a monster," Wanda said.

You bit your tongue when she said that, trying to keep up an emotionless expression.

But as the movie continued on, you were unable to escape your thought of your old life; or rather, the person you used to be.

-

"L/N," your commander called you. "Come forth,"

Practically shaking in fear, you obeyed.

He noticed your fear, so he ran his thumb across your face with a smirk.

"Tell me, have you ever killed before?"

You shook your head no, keeping your gaze forward.

"Let's change that then, shall we?"

The HYDRA logo stood out to you on the wall as he led you to the next room.

You could barely stop yourself from hyperventilating. It felt like he was just taunting with you as you walked down the long halls. Every now and then, he reached his hand out and scratched the wall.

Feeling yourself shaking, you copied the patterns he made. Your nerves slightly died down as your fingers traced the patterns on the wall.

When he looked back at you, he tilted his head toward the door to his right, motioning for you to go in.

As you stepped in the dark, cold, room; the hairs on the back of your neck stood up as he leaned over your shoulder. He reached into his pocket, then pulled out a knife.

Still leaning over your shoulder, he slowly ran it along your neck. He didn't press down, so it didn't actually hurt you, but that didn't stop the fear running through you.

He hummed softly, taking his time as the danced the knife around your neck, occasionally going up to your cheek.

Before you knew it, he pulled away suddenly. He grabbed your wrist harshly, then dragged you through yet another door.

Now, you were in a room with a dim light overhead. It was still cold, but you couldn't shift your gaze away from the chair in the center of the room.

There was a woman sitting there, completely tied up.

He dragged you closer to her, yanking your arm tight.

Before you could say anything, he pulled the knife out again. This time, he handed it to you.

"Kill her,"

"What?"

He let out a laugh, then grabbed her hair, exposing her neck. He used his other hand to trace a pattern along the side of it.

"This right here," he started. "Is the carotid artery. Now kill her,"

You held the knife up, unable to stop your own trembling. He noticed this, so he ended up pulling a syringe out before sticking it in her neck.

Now, the once shaking and whimpering woman sat unconscious in front of you.

"Now you can kill her without all the begging,"

You tried to fight the tears building up in your eyes; you were sure your tongue was bleeding at this point from the amount of pressure you were biting down.

He would kill you if you didn't do it. You had to do it.

You let out a small whimper, pressing it against her neck.

You stared back at him through your tear-blurred vision.

"I'm sorry,"

Closing your eyes, you slashed the knife across her throat.

You did it; you were a killer now.

You looked up at him again; while you felt utterly disgusted, he looked proud.

He let out a mix between a chuckle and a cackle, his eyes never leaving you.

Before you knew it, he grabbed the knife from you. He wiped it off on the sleeve of his jacket that wore the HYDRA symbol. He then grabbed your hair, pulling you into his chest from behind.

You began shaking again, resulting in even more laughter from him.

"You're a killer," he whispered into your ear. "You did good work, but you need to have the mark of a killer now,"

You turned your head to the side, unsure what he meant. He held the knife up again, lightly placing it at your cheek.

"You're a monster," he told you, pressing the knife down.

You tried to protest, but his grip on you was too strong.

"You're nothing but a monster, and that's who you'll always be,"

You couldn't even scream as he ran the blade through your cheeks, up to your ears.

"Monster..."

-

Now, you couldn't take it any more watching the movie. Without a word, you got off the couch and made your way back to your room.

You heard everyone calling after you, but you ignored their voices and kept heading straight for your room.

By the time you got there, you could feel the tears building up in your eyes.

You loved facing changing technology; you didn't love that they weren't waterproof.

So, you went to the bathroom. Before tears came pooling out, you tapped the side of your head and gripped the material, pulling it off.

When you saw the scar that still marked your face, you completely burst into tears. You couldn't control the sobs coming out of you as you stared at your own reflection.

By the time the door opened, you didn't even notice due to the fact that you had fallen to your knees. The tears in your eyes prevented you from seeing clearly, so you didn't register that someone else had entered the bathroom until you felt a hand on your back.

"Detka?"

No.

You couldn't let her see you like this. You couldn't let her see the monster they turned you into.

"No," you mumbled, trying to hide your face in your hands.

Natasha sat down next to you, keeping her hand on your back as you continued crying. She looked up on the bathroom counter, seeing the face changing mask. Putting two and two together, she began gently rubbing her hand up and down your back.

As much as you wanted to hide this from her, you couldn't stop yourself from crawling into her lap and burying your face into her neck as you continued sobbing.

Her shirt had become soaked at this point, but she didn't dare say anything as she held you.

When you finally pulled away, she really took in your appearance.

She cupped your cheeks, running her thumbs up and down the scars.

"HYDRA..." you told her. "They made me a monster..."

"Oh, Y/N..." she said as she continued stroking your cheeks gently. "You could never be a monster,"

She wiped away some of your tears, keeping her gaze on you.

Natasha looked at you with the same love she had for the past three years. The scars didn't change how she saw you.

She wrapped her arms around your back again, pulling you close.

She leaned in, gently kissing your cheeks as she ran her lips along the scars.

"You," she started. "Are the same girl I fell in love with all those years ago. You're not a monster,"

"I am, Nat," you replied. "I killed people,"

She sighed, cupping your cheeks once again.

She grabbed both your hands, then pulled you to your feet. She gave your lips a quick peck before kissing your cheeks once more.

She then dragged you out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom you shared. Keeping her hands on yours, she pulled you to the bed where you crawled back onto her lap.

She stroked your hair as you leaned forward, resting your forehead against hers.

"They made you do unthinkable things," she said. "But what they did doesn't define who you are,"

You felt tears building up in your eyes again as you stared at her.

"They said I'm unlovable,"

Natasha sighed, hugging you even tighter.

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard," she told you. She leaned up, kissing your forehead as she continued stroking your hair.

"Look at me, Nat. This is the face of a monster, and a killer,"

"No."

Before you could say anything else, she softly pressed her lips against yours. She moved her lips all over your face.

She started with a light peck on each cheek. Then she left a trail of kisses along your jaw. She placed a quick kiss on your forehead before making her way back to the scars.

"This is the face of the woman I love." She told you. "We have different experiences, but I know what it's like to be told you're a monster because of what they forced you to do. Who you are, is the love of my life. This is the face I want to wake up next to ever day and fall asleep next to every night. This is not the face of a monster,"

By now, you had started crying again at her words.

She hated that they did this to you, and that you felt you had to hide it from everyone. While this was the first time she had seen your real face, it changed nothing about how she looked or felt about you.

"Do you know how many people you've saved as an Avenger, detka?"

You shook your head no, keeping your arms around your girlfriend.

"Well, that is who you are. You're not a monster, Y/N. You're a hero. You're my hero."

You leaned up, reconnecting your lips to hers.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you for so long,"

"It's okay, you don't need to apologize for that. I just want you to know that you're loved, okay?"

You thought about everything HYDRA had done to you, and all the people you killed.

But your girlfriend was right; that wasn't you.

As you looked into her eyes, taking in the way she was looking at you, it was impossible not to feel her love for you.

"Promise?"

"I promise. I'll tell you and show you just how loved you are every day if I have to. They can take so much from you, but they can't take who you are."

As you lay in her arms that night, you knew you couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend than Natasha. She was the love of your life, and you would love her forever.

-

From that moment on, she never hesitated to kiss your cheeks, reminding you of how much she loved you. She was right; you weren't a monster, and you weren't unlovable. You were her love, and no one could ever take that away.

[marshmallowprotection]

I really love how people are sharing songs on here, so my turn!😈

“Welcome to Paradise” by Grandson for Saeran *sobs uncontrollably*, and “Morph” by Twenty One Pilots for Saeyoung.

I feel like…Saeyoung would really like Twenty One Pilots ngl. He just strikes me as the type.

You ain't gotta feel no pain It's all in your imagination You can always come my way Together we'll find the salvation When you feel the click, go bang And the tip of the wick gets flamed We can all be saved You ain't gotta feel no pain Don't you resist the temptation

Oh, yes, that's very much Saeran. This is screaming Unknown vibes to me because he's the type to beckon you with a gentle hand and as soon as you're within his reach and his sales pitch has worked, that tone of his changes and you're suddenly aware that he's going to be the one to save you... just not in the way that you planned for or even expected. But, hey, you signed your name on the dotted line and this is the price of salvation.

If I keep moving, they won't know I'll morph to someone else What they throw at me's too slow I'll morph to someone else I'm just a ghost I'll morph to someone else Defense mechanism mode

Uh, yeah, this is abundantly Seven for all intents and purposes. This is who he is. He's hiding behind as many masks as he can find and it will not stop until he's forced to see otherwise by an MC who sticks by his side when he never would give himself a chance. He wants to be someone else to everyone he wants so he can survive, he's not allowed to be Saeyoung Choi, so he'll don seven more identities until he's blanketed by the safety of the joker's mask that protects him from the truth.

[nighttimepixels]

TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

[marisandini-chu-blog]

Bruce Wayne is a Simp for Bad Bitch

OmG I can’t believe I’m writing the obvious but the idea is in my head and I need a place to word vomit. 

Okay, so it occurred to me that Bruce has a more serious and intense relationship canonically with three women, as far as I know; Andrea Beaumont, Talia Al’ghul, and Selina Kyle. All of whom are the epitome of Bad Bitch with the capital B. (Yes, I’m ignoring Rachel Dawes from Nolanverse. The only thing I like about it is the Iconic Joker. No batman movie is good enough without the Batfam.) 

Why do I raise this point, you might ask? Well, that’s because I want to rant that Bruce, my boy, my man, my childhood comfort character is actually a SIMP?!?!

Like... I’m just... urgh.... okay... I am very vocal for a healthy relationship with commitment and based on mutual love and respect. So the fact that Bruce has only bad, iffy, or casual relationships really want to tear my hair out. And why my heart don’t want to ship with any of them, even though BatCat is one of my favorite pairing! 

I am a WonderBat shipper because I love watching them in JLAU as a kid and even though I’m not slash shipper unless it’s canon, SuperBat made much more sense to me. Heck even a threesome with the Trinity would have been healthier relationship rather than whatever Bruce had with the three of them and here’s why: 

You might not have heard of Andrea, but she’s canon from the Timmverse movie called Batman and the Mask of Phantasm which is A REALLY GREAT MOVIE. Totally recommend. One of the best Batman movie at all times (Yes, I say Batman movies not Batman Animated movies). Has great plot twist and good pacing. so Spoiler Alert! Andrea was Bruce’s fiancé, making her possibly Bruce’s first love, before his journey and possibly could have stop him from becoming Batman (I would say he’s a simp in this case, but he would have had a much more happier, healthy household so it’s not bad thing) if she hadn’t disappear for being a Mob Boss’ Daughter!!! 

I repeat, a mob boss’ daughter. 

And she came back only to be a mask avenging assassin that went toe-to-toe with Batman.

And she could have choose to stay with Bruce but she didn’t because she choose vengeance over him. Like.... Bats, you should stop with the “I am Vengeance” routine you’ve got going on because she does it better than you ngl. 

So she left and I cried at the end of that movie because trauma wasn’t enough, you put heartbreak after heartbreak to my boy. Thanks DC. 

Then there’s Fucking Talia Al’ghul which is a no brainer why she’s not Bad but BAD. Like, Talia groom Jason, supervise Damian’s harsh, brutal, and abusive training, control Damian through the implant spine to kill Dick, orders Damian execution before regretting it, DRUG BRUCE when CONCEIVING DAMIAN!!! And that’s only the top of my head. 

And if you want to blame it on Morrison’s writing, THAT’S FINE. We’ve bitched about Tom King’s writing enough to know it’s valid. 

But, BUT, bUt... it needs to be address that even before Morrison, Talia CHOOSE to stay in the League of Assassin. People can tell me that she’s a complex character that’s loyal to her father but love Bruce and that her upbringing makes her complicated or whatever. Nuh-uh. You don’t get to make Talia helpless when it suited you. Talia is a fucking Bad Bitch (TM). She’s been taught to do whatever the fuck she wants according to her belief and ideal. At some point, Talia knew she wanted to be in position of power in the League rather than staying with Bruce. 

But it’s canon that Talia, if I remember correctly, doesn’t like Gotham or Bruce’s mission. She thinks being a hero is beneath them or whatever. And doesn’t understand why Gotham is special to Bruce. So yeah, you might not agree how Morrisons write her. But do not fucking tell me she’s not a character who will not be willing to do what she thinks it’s necessary to get what she wants, including training her son as an assassin. I mean, she likes being the Demon’s Daughter in the league. She may not agree with her father but Talia wants to give Damien what she wants. Power.  

Talia loves Bruce. That’s a fact. He’s probably the only person that makes her feel like she’s a person instead of the Demon’s Daughter. Bruce has a knack for that. To make people want to be better, even just a little. Talia could have chosen him, if she wanted to. The fact that she helps him so much when fighting against her father numerous times is proof enough. 

I'm highly suspecting the reason she stays is because she knows Bruce would always forgive her (SIMP ALERT) unlike her father who would straight up stab her if she ever betrays him.

I’m not saying there’s no love for her son, I’m just saying if she even looks at the batfam funny than I will raise my flamethrower on that bitch’s face. Because you can’t rely on Bruce on that. That man would give bullshit excuse for her or want to handle her himself because your “history” with her makes you entitled.  

Aaaah, don’t you just love it when there’s a great villain you can hate on so much?

I'm not saying she can't be a good person. Pre-morisson made Talia more of an anti-hero. But I do like Talia "I'mma cut a bitch" al'ghul. It's just... I like ruthless Bad Bitch like her. Though preferably she could have balance it with more of her maternal side through Damian.

Okay, I’m getting off tangent. Now comes to my favorite girl. Catwoman. Selina Kyle. The famous ship of all Bruce’s relationship sans SuperBat. 

I... am conflicted the most about this. 

See, Selina is one of the few people who understands Bruce. Who was there when he needed a shoulder to rely on. Someone who doesn’t take Bruce’s shit, and one of the constant person in Bruce’s life. 

But not... constant enough. Which is a theme of her, even in her fursona... I, I mean PERSONA, PERSONA!!! 

Anyway, I love seeing these two broken people. One handles it with violence and vigilantism, the other through thieving with a Robinhood-esque thing going on. So of course they get each other. It always helps that they try to make each other better. Selina taught Bruce to be okay of being selfish of wanting to be happy, and Bruce believed there’s good in her that makes her feel she’s not a hopeless case, y’know? It’s even canon that in one universe, they’re married and have daughter, Helena Wayne. So... yeah? Happy end! (Until they died but that’s non issue here at the moment.) 

Then Tom King (Urgh, him again) wrote Bat proposing to Cat, and by the time they’re about to be married. Selina left him at the altar. 

So yeah. 

But then they get metaphysically? Figuratively? married after the Flashpoint which they turn Thomas Wayne into a villain (At least make him from alternate universe instead of timeline!!!) and kill Alfred (WhYYYYYY?! Bruce suffered enough why do you go kill both his fathers dammit!!! Let the goddamn butler rest in peace). And basically Selina and Bruce promise each other forever. Which is sweet. BatCat Forever, am I right??? 

Yeah, here’s the problem. (And I’m just nitpicking here, okay). For all Tom King’s character assassination of Bruce, he did Selina right in one thing. Which is the fact she doesn’t like being tied down by anything.

If Talia puts importance in power. Selina puts importance in freedom and her self-independence. 

I remember as a kid watching BTAS, that Selina didn’t want a relationship with batman if it meant changing who she is. So when Selina left the altar, I wasn’t surprise at the news. Then she actually agreed to marry him, only this time, she didn’t need a judge or a paper to make the marriage legit, y’know. And I thought, yeah that’s so her. 

But the thing is Bruce. Accepts. Her. Every. Single. Time. 

Without a single thought. She asked, “Do you still want to get married?” and he asked “When?” 

Even though it’s not the first that Cat leaves him hanging. 

Tell me he’s not a simp for that. 

It’s great that he accepts her for everything she is. But I’m conflicted because Selina stays static. She stays with the cat theme in the fact she doesn’t want to held back by anything. She takes what she wants. She loves who she loves. And no one was gonna change her. But then where’s the character growth? 

Is it regressive of me to think Selina should be ‘tied down’ or express commitment when she never has been tied down before even though she loves Bruce? 

Is it not-feminist of me to think Selina has to change herself for a man? 

I just don’t like the fact Bruce and Selina enables their masked persona. Their relationship is strongly base on their cat-and-mouse chase. They nicknamed each other “Bat” and “Cat” for God’s sake. Even though yes, it’s canon that “Batman” and “Catwoman” is their real selves and their civilian life is their masks. Heck, she didn’t go for the altar because she believed (though manipulated) that making Bruce happy would make Batman insufficient, or losing him entirely (Thank Tom King for that). 

That would be true, and stay true if not for one thing. Which is some thing what Bruce has that Selina doesn’t: 

The Batfam.

Bruce’s real identity isn’t just the Batman anymore. He has to be a single father with growing children he never plan to adopt but did anyway because they needed each other. He can’t use his batman persona to be a father at his house, but he will when training them to be his partner. His family became the strength to Bruce’s fight for Justice. 

Bruce is the Batman, but he’s not everything who he is. Selina is supposed to be part of the batfamily yet sadly, I haven’t read or watch anything that has her interact with them in a positive way or actually bond with them. Heck, when Alfred inform the proposal to the batfam they were shocked and thought it was a bad idea even (And they’ve known her for almost half their life by the way.) 

The fact that Tom King implied Bruce was never happy or wasn’t happy enough without marrying Cat when his Batfam should be the source of his pride and joy?! Apparently family means nothing to Batman. Woah DC, what a great message you’re sending here. 

I guess that’s why, I was a bit iffy when Selina “marriage” with Bruce isn’t official. Because she commits to the man but she doesn’t say she’ll commit to the family (though I suppose it could be imply or I just forget stuff). The batkids are grown up enough that they don’t really need a maternal figure, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need more emotionally available people in the family. And that I haven’t seen much of her taking effort to bond with the people that’s the most important to Bruce. 

It just makes her want to commit to Batman instead of Bruce Wayne, in my eyes I guess. 

So yeah, that’s why Wonderbat and Superbat makes more sense to me. Because they’ll make an effort to be THERE for the family and they’ll be just generally be a healthier relationships because, again, emotionally available so they might talk when they have a problem instead of running off the altar when you think a Happy Batman is Bad Batman. But no, DC have to make Bruce is a simp and his life edgy. 

Anyway, I might be wrong in some things because, you know. Canon becomes a blur to me after a while. 

[blackberry-gingham]

okay but like, a drabble where you’re friends with ringo and of course the other beatles, except paul (bc all honestly i’m a major simp for him) and you two could just never seem to get along, but since you’re friends with the rest you suffer through it... and overtime you both realize your feelings for each other and are scared to admit it... i dunno, it’s a cheesy idea but i love it 😅

Absolutely yes, this is such a fun idea!! And let's be honest, "cheesy concepts" are actually just fanfic classics, bc I mean... cringe culture is DEAD 💅🏻

Lol, anyway this is kinda way more then a drabble bc I have no self control ig, so I hope that's ok djdjdj, but enjoy! It's kinda sweet at the end, ngl 🥺

---

The lights of the recording studio hum above while the gentle musk of old wood paneling and carpet surrounds you.

Today, you're spending time with your dear friend Ringo and he's invited you to hangout while he and the lads practice. Ringo beats out a little tune while you add some improvised vocals for fun. The two of you laugh and chat and before you know it, the rest of the lads trickle in.

George walks in and immediately comes over to catch up with you. He's easy going and polite, so you get along well. In fact, you get along well with all the boys! Well, except for...

In walks Paul McCartney, followed by his friend John. Now, John you like. He's a bit abrasive at first, but an absolute joker and sweetheart when you get to know him.

No, it's Paul you can't stand.

Or perhaps, it's that he can't stand you. It's hard to say really, it just feels as though from the minute you met, you simply didn't mesh with each other.

John grins and waves, glad to see you after so long. He walks past to say a proper hello, but keeps on his trajectory to set up and tune his instrument.

Paul, ever the ass, walks up to you, George, and Ringo and begins talking to them as though you're not even there. He greets them, then goes to handing out commands as if he were the manager. George is to go tune up and Ringo to make sure he's warmed up to keep on beat today. It'll be a long one after all.

George and Ringo look from Paul to you and back again. "Well sure, but we were just talking to-"

"I know. What are you doing here anyway, eh?", Paul turns sharply to you.

You set your face sternly. You've leaned by now not to let Paul bully you away, "Ringo invited me to stay today", you cross your arms defiantly, making sure to convey that you won't be leaving anytime soon.

Paul give you a hard stare, but decides you aren't worth the trouble. "Fine, just try not to be a distraction"

With that he walks off to tune up with John. You can't hear their conversation, but John doesn't seem to be too happy with him. Meanwhile, George apologies on Paul's behalf, "I'm sorry, I don't know what his problem is"

You sigh and let it roll of your shoulders, "Thanks, but it's nothing", you smile and shrug.

George laughs, "You're tough alright... I remember John use to treat me like that, and I nearly left!" You share a laugh and he walks over to the other three to chat and get ready for the session.

You and Ringo talk a bit before he focuses up on his drumming. For now, you sit and listen.

And watch.

The boys have spread out a bit and you now have a very clear view of Paul. You think back to the interaction you had just moments ago. Compared to his behavior when you'd first met, you could almost count what had just occurred today as kind.

The old Paul you knew would certainly have thrown you out.

Strange... This was actually becoming a pattern with him. This wierd, "niceness". Truth be told, you do sort of want to befriend him. After all, you're friends with all his friends. But he's just so frustrating!

Paul catches you staring and stares back for a moment, although, there's a look in his eyes as though the gears of his mind are turning. He gives you a nod before turning back to the boys.

You quickly turn away. What did that mean? A neutral nod may seem like nothing to most, but with the way you and Paul are it might as well be a friendly kiss on the cheek.

That's it. You need to find out what's going on here...

Over the next few weeks you play it cool and try to observe Paul as much as you can. And in that time period, the change in his behavior is... Alarming, to say the least.

The next time you saw each other, not only did he say a proper hello, but he even addressed you by name!

Then another time, he opened and held a few doors for you during a group outing with the boys.

But nothing tops what he did today...

Today, not only did Paul strike up a decent conversation with you. Asking all how you've been and what you've been up to lately and such... But after some recording, the boys decided to take a quick break and you had to be going anyway. You let the boys know and said your goodbyes.

While you were walking through the hallway, a voice calls out to you, "Hold on a minute, wait now!"

You stop dead. Is that...? No, it couldn't be. You turn around to find just who you expected.

Paul trots up to you, mildly out of breath. You ask him what's up, being a little more civil then your old self would've. Paul straightens up, having caught his breath, "I uh, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry for being such a right bastard to you. I know this is out of nowhere, but um... I don't know, I feel like as we've been getting more acquainted I feel just awful for how I've treated you. So... for what it's worth... I'm sorry"

You... Well, you're not sure what to say. He's right indeed, this is rather out of nowhere. At first you're not sure you believe him. After all, this could just be some joke to dupe you for his amusement. But then again...

Paul's eyes are big and glossy as they stare back at you. His eyebrows are quirked up and an uncertain frown is settled on his pretty lips. Wait, what did you say?

You shake the thought out of your head. "I um, I forgive you McCartney. Glad to see you've some manners", you cross you arms, daring him to take it back or like fun.

But he doesn't. Instead, he looks relieved. A brilliant grin replaces his frown and his eyes light up with a joy they've never before possessed while beholding you.

"You mean it? No hard feelings?"

You smirk, "Don't push it"

Paul actually laughs. "Fair enough", he says. Then, "you know... We're having a little concert nearby, would you like to come? The hotel is supposed to be serving a cracking dinner spread after the show! Y-you know, if you'd like to tag along that is..."

You blink, thinking you must be in a dream. Before you can even take a second to weigh your options and come to a decision, you hear yourself say, "Sure!"

That same light comes back to Paul's face. For all intents and purposes he seems genuinely excited that you'll be coming. One of the boys calls his name from down the hall. It's time for him to be getting back. But first, he fills you in on the details of where and when to be.

"Then just come backstage afterwards, we'll go together!", with that he says a proper goodbye and jogs off. You head for the street and catch a bus home, looking all the while as though you've seen a ghost.

You know, when he's being civil, he's actually... Not bad. For the life of you, you'd never tell, but you always thought Paul was the pretty one. Besides that, he's talented and charismatic... You were more then a little sore to find that he didn't like you at first.

After all this time you've gotten so used to putting up with him and his jerk behavior you don't know how to feel. And yet... These last few weeks you feel as though you're seeing a whole new side of him.

One you like.

Did you really just think that? You're about to shiver in disgust, but something stops you. He was bizarrely sincere with his apology today, and rather genuine with his invitation for you to join them after their show this weekend, you know.

Hm... After an evening of pondering, you decide to let him prove himself at dinner. If he wants to be a gentleman, then so be it. You're willing to bury the hatchet. And if not, then nothing's changed. Although, you would be rather let down...

Later that week, the concert is a blast. The boys were at their absolute best for sure. They practically brought the house down with the screams and applause they drew from the crowd.

All in all, you have nothing much to report. You enjoyed yourself in a comfortable position up front but... Well, you may have imagined it, but you could've sworn Paul winked at you after the show... Or perhaps it was the girl next to you.

Afterwards, you did as Paul said and passed through security backstage. The boys were in the midst of cheering each other on, celebrating the excellent work as you jogged up to join in. Ringo calls you name, and gives you a hug, "Did you see that! They loved us!"

The other three chatter to you excitedly, affirming Ringo's statement. Even Paul. No, especially Paul. You can't deny his bass playing and singing were absolutely top notch tonight, and he seems over the moon to receive your validation. Odd.

In the limo ride to the hotel, you sit between George and Ringo, yet you can't help but steal glances at Paul. This is crazy. You know it is. And yet, you can't help but dare to think... you mean, the way he's been acting lately, especially given the strange turn around... Could it be? What if... What if Paul...

Likes you?

You break from your thoughts just in time to see Paul looking at you with a shy smile as you stare into space. When you catch him, he looks away quickly.

Later at the dinner, Paul sits besides you and your heart jumps into your throat. A small part of you expects a ribbing or something of that sort, but your time together is actually quite enjoyable. Conversation flows easily between the two of you.

You make each other laugh.

You get each other excited.

You finally get to meet the kind and charming Paul you've heard so much about...

Paul pays for your meal and you continue chattering on all the way up to his hotel room. You stop at the door, and find that you're sad to say goodbye.

"Well, I guess I should let you get your rest..."

"Heh, suppose so", Paul shuffles his feet and looks away. "Uh, but before you go.."

You stop mid turn, "Hm?"

Paul hesitates for a beat, then gently takes your hand, just by the fingers. "I um, I probably have no right to say this, given how horrible I've been to you, but... I uh, I just can't go another moment without telling you the truth..."

He makes eye contact with you at long last. His eye lashes flutter slowly, only accentuating his doe like eyes.

"I uh, I don't know how to say this, heh... I've just been so afraid you'd hate me even more for this, but... I um, well I-I suppose I have feelings for you... I have nearly from the start, I just didn't know how to, well, you know"

Paul's voice trails off like he's afraid of your answer before he's even finished his sentence. He bites his lip and closes his eyes, bracing himself for insults or laughter, whatever you might throw at him.

But when your lips meet his, soft and passionate and warm... He swears he's in a dream. You pull back slowly, and open your eyes to look deeply and knowingly into his.

You didn't even know you were waiting for this moment...

Paul looks breathless as he gazes back at you, and he's hardly able to form a sentence, "W-wh-? S-so, you do-?"

You smile coyly, and it only makes Paul's confusion bloom into a beautiful, Paul smile. You don't have to say anything. His heart already knows the answer.

"I'll see you tomorrow, McCartney", you wink and walk away, holding Paul's hand until he's out of reach.

And see him tomorrow you did. And the next day. And the next...

And the rest, is history.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I got somethin: write headcannons about Erileck. Your own, personal view. Gotta give my favorite ship some love, and also more ideas when I write you stuff 😈💜

OMFGGGGG omgomgomgomg skskksskk I’ve been stockpiling this for a few days bc I gotta think even though it’s my relationship sksksk but I hope this hits your OTP spots + helps as a future ref.

This is written in 1st person bc it’s Joker + I. I hope that doesn’t bother anyone skkssk this is gonna be so much fun I’m hyped!!! There’s no organisation to this lmao so there are jumps all over the place pfft.

Warnings for mentions of trauma, anxiety, depression, also smoking, swearing. Also NSFW bc duh xp 

Word count: 3, 207 (woops?)

Questions or comments on my relationship with Joker are welcomed!! I’m sure there are things I haven’t even considered skskks and ngl I do love talking about our relationship pfft.

Joker and I… sksksk I’d be lucky.

Someone like him loving someone like me??? Ridiculous. A dream.

Someone like me loving someone like him??? Don’t be silly.

… And that’s precisely why we work so well together.

We choose to love each other each and every single day. Again and again, no matter what, we find the time to come back together at the end of a long, exhausting day.

I was with Arthur from the very beginning of the film.

I bumped into Carnival outside Kenny’s Music, and I stood to the side to watch him spin that everything must go! sign. 

I’m scared of clowns but something about this clown captured and maintained my interest and so it was that once this particular rendition of Temptation Rag was over, I approached Carnival and sincerely thanked and complimented him on his performance. 

Both of us blushing, both of us unsure, but neither of us can resist the almost magnetic pull which the other gives off. So I invited him to coffee and dinner (and I paid for everything, of course) and neither of us ever looked back.

I fell in love with Arthur before I even knew his name, and when I love it’s… intense and I fall hard, and I fall fast, and I can never stand back up.

I’ve been told before that I love “too intensely” and it’s “too much” for people (I was told this by my abusers so I suppose they were lying but… it’s a very open, raw wound which I battle daily), but for Arthur the way I love is just right. He needs that clinginess, that reassurance.

I’m already in tears thinking of everything I feel and everything I want to say lmao…

I turned my entire life upside down for him without a single regret, forethought or anything like that, and I never looked back sksksksk.

I stayed with him as Arthur and I did everything I could for him - bought his prescriptions, bought him food, helped him to keep the apartment clean… there were arguments because he thought I was merely looking at him as a charity case, or he was wary in case I was just after something…

But with time, patience and persistence I managed to get Arthur to be at least comfortable around me.

We fell in love together but neither of us said anything. We’re both too shy, too scared of rejection…

I don’t know how we got together, it’s just that one day I stayed overnight at Arthur’s apartment to help him take care of Penny and to take care of him, so exhausted was he…

… And I never left.

I was with him through it all and I made it known only to him that I was proud of him every time he stood up for himself. They all had it coming, anyway (I have a flexible morality lmao).

I love his jokes; he and Bill Hader are my favourite comedians (shush I know Bill wasn’t around in the 80s but work with me) and I adore it when he shares them with me.

The darker the better, imo. My favourites are the ones you laugh at because there’s no other reaction to give.

But I digress.

So. Present day. 

He’s Joker and oh, if I thought I loved Arthur… 

I have a very deep, very raw and passionate love for Joker. He is… he’s my entire world and I love him so much I’m tearing up while I type this. He’s so beautiful it makes me cry daily.

Every time I cry because of how beautiful he is, I go straight to Joker. He deserves to see how loved he is. Sometimes I get upset because I don’t feel satisfied with the level of love I’m showing him; it’s never enough and he deserves more.

This most often happens at night, because I get very Soft™ at night.

As such, Joker and I have a very special nightly routine. 

We spend all day thinking about it but we don’t do this particular thing until nighttime, when we can put our lives away and just soak in each other’s presence.

I cry very easily. Happy, sad, angry, frustrated, upset, elated, joyful, sorrowful… any mood you can think of, I will cry if the emotion reaches a certain intensity.

It’s not unusual for me to come into the living room late at night when I’m in my pyjamas (an oversized t-shirt and a pair of undies - yes, even in winter lmao just pile on the blankets) with tears in my eyes, for whatever reason.

Every time Joker looks up to see this sight, his eyes roam over my body and he smiles, a soft “awwh” leaving his lips as he straightens his legs so I can sit down on his lap.

I sit on his lap and cup his painted face in my hands and I smother him in kisses. I start off slow and then I speed up as the love within my heart grows, and Joker always ends up holding my wrists in his hand and giggling under my touch. 

It usually ends up with one or both of us crying. Joker’s so shocked and so awed that I’m still with him even now, and I just love him so much I can’t do anything else.

Joker’s lap is the best seat and it’s my favourite.

I study there, I sit there, I sleep there. 

Cockwarming is also a common occurrence.

If he’s sat a certain way so I can’t sit on his lap, I’m not afraid to press down on his uppermost knee so he straightens out so I can get comfortable on him.

“Can I have my seat back, please?” or “You stole my seat” are common ways of asking for him to move for me.

He is also my clown blanket skkksksk our favourite sleeping position is for me to lay on my back and for Joker to lay atop me. He becomes everything I can feel and his head rests either on my chest or on my stomach, depending on what he wants. My hands are in his hair… and we sleep.

So, naturally, there are copious opportunities for Joker to love me awake ;) many a morning do I awaken to the sensation of fingers gripping my hips, holding me down while he worships me with his mouth.

We don’t do NSFW things .v. often, we prefer to cuddle and just be close. 

Both of us are virgins and shy ones at that, lmao, so it took awhile for things to even get to that point.

We discovered we just prefer to cuddle over full out sex; less messy, for one.

Full sex is usually for the times when words aren’t enough; after an argument, or when either of us is especially sad or just needs something.

When I want to do this, I usually say, “how about you werewolf and go wild on me now?” and he howls before breaking out in laughter, which I stifle with a kiss…

If Joker wants to, one look from him and I just know. He doesn’t even have to say anything.

My answer is always yes. There’s nothing I won’t do for him and he knows it; it’s okay, though, because he’s the same way for me. We balance each other out really well.

During the rare times I’m awake before Joker is, I’ll kiss him awake; his face, his neck, chest, those adorable soft curves on his stomach… 

Any and every excuse which I can think of do I use to love him. 

It’s a daily goal to love him so hard that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He deserves nothing less.

I steal his red blazer… often.

If Joker can’t find it, it’s either in the wash or I’m wearing it.

As soon as he takes it off, I’ve got it cradled in my arms, holding it to my face to hide my smile. I wear it when he isn’t, I sleep in it when I miss him (even when he’s right there beside me I still miss him), and I often use it as a pillow.

“Are you sure you don’t love that blazer more than you love me?” // “No.” // Any pout he gives me is kissed away and he giggles against my lips because he got what he was after all along.

We can’t sleep without each other. Joker needs to know that he’s needed, and I need to know that my clown is there for me to keep me safe from the things which my mind tells me are in the dark.

Joker does get annoyed with me sometimes because we both know I’m scared of the dark and I have a vivid imagination, and those two things are difficult to handle on the best of days, but I also love horror films.

Slasher ones are my favourite but I also really enjoy the ones which are dark, gritty, the ones which are based more in the psychological than obvious jumpscares.

I know how Joker can get when I watch them, though, so I tend to watch them when he’s out of the apartment or when there’s nothing else to do.

He never stops me from watching them because I’m a grown ass woman, but he makes his disapproval known by by saying he won’t be comforting me that night when I get too scared to turn the lights off.

In the end, though, there isn’t much he can say because he has unhealthy coping mechanisms just as I do, so he wraps me in his arms and hides my face in his chest or in the crook of his neck. “Close your eyes so you can’t see it’s dark.”

“I love you” is said often between us. 

And never just once: “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you - “ it can and will be said multiple times.

It makes the other person giggle and get teary eyed. We’re slightly obsessed with each other and we love the way we love each other.

There are other ways we say those three words, spoken too much yet never enough:

“You got what you deserved, Joker” // “I suppose I did.”

I wear my outfit sometimes and go out in it, and on rarer occasions (I have acne so I have to be careful) I even do my face like his.

When I really make to say ‘I love you’, I’ll do both. It never fails to make him cry.

The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra is our song, as is The Carpenters songs Close to You and Yesterday Once More. 

Every time those songs are on, Joker spins me into him and even though I have two left feet, he dances with me.

The slow, eerie dances he does are my favourite and I love watching him. He knows and he loves it. He always throws me a wink and it never fails to make me blush and emit such a high pitched noise that I feel compelled to pull my shirt collar up and over to cover my face entirely.

Joker always coos and plays peekaboo with me when I do this to coax me out of hiding.

Neither of us want children but we have two pure black rescue kitties whom we love dearly!

That’s Life is another favourite. I love that song and it never fails to make me smile, even when I don’t want to. I play it every day and Joker always dances with me. We prefer the instrumental version; it reminds us of the simpler times when he was still the unseen (not by me, by Gotham in general) Arthur Fleck.

Aaa, Fleck…

I proposed to him. Kinda.

Joker wanted marriage from day one but I was unsure; I despise the institution of modern marriage but one day I caught sight of a ring I liked the look of in a magazine and I took it over to Joker.

I didn’t say anything, I just held the magazine out at that page for him to take, barely able to speak was I through the depths of my emotions.

It took him ten minutes to stop laughing before he dipped a hand into his blazer and withdrew a small box. 

Neither of us said yes and neither of us said no. 

We just put the rings on the other and that was that.

The next day, I went and got it registered with a cackling Arthur in tow. 

I can be emotionally distant at times; if I’m feeling too much, I tend to withdraw into myself rather than upset Joker by burdening him with what I’m feeling. 

He hates it when I do that, though a lot of the time I’m not even aware I’m doing it, and it upsets him and then he withdraws from me.

When Joker starts to pull away from my kisses and stops accepting hugs, that’s usually my holy shit what the fuck, Erika? moment and then I do my best to apologise to him.

I’m always forgiven after it’s made clear that I hurt his feelings, and then we don’t let each other go for the rest of the night.

When I need a reminder of why I love Joker or when I just need to see him for all that he is, I watch his segment on the Murrat show (that’s not a typo - I know what I said.) and I’m sobbing in seconds.

*sigh* “Why do you do this to yourself, Erika?”

“I needed to - you were in so much pain and I - “

He pulls me to him and shushes me. I tuck my face into the warm crook of his neck and lavish him with kisses and I just hold him and hug him as hard as I can and I apologise again and again.

Joker doesn’t understand why I watch it sometimes and tbh neither do I but I do and he always comforts me even though I feel like I should be comforting him.

As I said earlier, I’m scared of the dark and I drink as much coffee as Joker smokes (I can easily reach 18 cups a day. Easy.), so night times are... interesting. 

It can take up to an hour for me to sleep. Not really because of the caffeine (I’m used to it by now and I feel calmer with it than I do without it) but because I just can’t get comfortable or because I’m convinced something just moved in the corner of the room.

Even with my nightlights, I’m still scared.

It annoys Joker when he’s really tired or trying to sleep and it’s not unlike Joker to grumble “lay the fuck still” and wrap his arms around me so I feel obligated to stay still for him.

Joker never holds me so tight that I can’t move, though. I have trauma relating to body autonomy so he makes sure that I know I can move if I want to.

I prefer to sleep either on my back so I can have my clown blanket or on my side so I can face Joker. I keep my phone by my bed so when I miss Joker or need to see him at 3 AM I’ve got pics and GIFs right there, scared am I that I’ll wake up and he’s just a dream and I’m alone again, so I appreciate seeing him when I wake up in the mornings.

Sleepy morning sex

He’s also at perfect liberty to start things when I’m still sleeping, too.

I gave him an all time free pass - that is how much I trust him. It was the biggest display of trust I could think of, and I’ve never gone back on it or regretted it.

I really just want Joker to know, to know, that he’s loved and cherished. I do my best to let him know that he can be his entire self with me, that I want him to, and he does the same for me.

Fair’s fair though so I’m at liberty to start things when he’s sleeping, though I rarely do because he sleeps so little as it is because insomnia, nightmares etc.

We steal each other’s clothes a lot of the time. 

I wear really baggy clothes (my shirts can pass as short dresses) so Joker fits into them easily.

Joker’s very needy and physically affectionate and clingy and even on the days when I don’t want to be touched (again, for trauma reasons), I still allow him to do with me as he pleases.

Not because I feel like I have to, but because I trust him and I know I’m safe with him. When I’m with Joker, I’m the safest woman in the world.

We only use each other’s names - Erika and Joker (Arthur for serious situations) - when attention is needed now or when it’s a deep situation which requires total candour.

Otherwise, for me it’s “my girl” (I melt every time), “my Erika”, “my Queen”, and then generics like darling, sweetheart, love, angel.

For Joker, it’s “my Joker” (he melts), “my King”, “my clown” and then generics like darling, angel, love, honey. 

We do anything for each other and we always do small gestures for each other; Joker makes me a cup of coffee and I slip a cigarette between his thin lips before I light it for him. He changes the batteries in my nightlights without saying anything and I hand scrub the blood out of his clothes while it’s still fresh.

Things like that tell us, even without words, that we want it to work.

When he comes home from whatever he does as Joker (I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell), I check him all over. Any bruises, scraps, cuts... 

The ‘rule’ is this:

As long as he comes back home to me without even a paper cut, then he can do what he wants as Joker, the reputation he didn’t want or ask for.

We do everything together and with each other and of course we get space from each other when it’s wanted or needed; a lot of the time we’re in the same room doing our own things. 

We argue, though I’m not sure what about - but we always make it up to one another. We don’t go to bed angry, either, and we both get upset during fights so tears are shed and wiped away, apologies whispered against trembling lips.

It’s not an easy relationship and there are probably things I haven’t even thought about lmao, but we work hard and the amount of love we have for each other is so strong and so deep it’s bigger than both of us. 

We choose to love each other every single day, no matter what, and that’s why we’re still together

Erileck met: 4/10/2019 // married: 26/3/2020. We skipped the engagement. We’re in love and we know it, so why wait?

[jokerownsmysoul]

for the writer asks: pulitzer, backstory, characterization, & critic? ☺️💕

pulitzer: tell about/link a piece where you fielt your writing was the best.

Until death do us part I think this one! I loved the writing process with which I wrote this piece. I wrote it following what for me is the real process of creation, what for me to write truly means because this process match with the way I usually write. I wrote it one night when I was overwhelmed by so many emotions I couldn’t name and I didn’t feel very good, I started writing without having something in mind nor premeditated, just for venting, and this piece was created by itself. No editing, no planning, I just write it in like an hour. For me writing is this, letting the flow of consciousness take over me when I know that inside I have something that needs to come out and my inspiration brings to life a piece of which I know nothing, I’m just a vessel throught which this piece is created by itself. I write almost always moved by inspiration, when I write on ordinary days frequently and willingly I don’t like what I write, that’s why I admire those who work so much on their pieces and do not depend on inspiration that much like me, ngl I envy them for being so talented. So when it happens and I’m so inspired i’m the happiest girl on the planet <33

backstory: how did you come to love writing?

I love writing for as long as I can remember. I was in third grade when one day my teacher asked the class to write a story, but I started writing a poem instead for whatever reason, maybe I just didn’t care lmaoo. Then my teacher liked it and talked to my parents about this poem and they were so surprised that it was a poem written by me, it was my vocation and since that day I never stopped writing poems; I wish I could find that poem someday, the only thing I remember is that it was about a shining magic three in a forest. I started writing fanfiction when I was 12, all of them were about my favorite music group, but at 14 I stopped and I just kept writing poems and personal prose like I always did. The desire to start writing fanfiction again came back in October after watching Joker, it was all very natural and spontaneous, Arthur was and still is my muse. I’m so grateful to Arthur because he allowed me to find this part of myself who loved writing fics that got lost on the way. In March I officially opened this blog to post my pieces 💕

characterization: describe your favorite character(s) you’ve written.

I’ve been waiting days to answer that question because obviously the answer is Arthur, and Arthur is one of those people who makes me lose the ability to function as a human being. Arthur is an epiphany, it’s my concept of ineffability like the one of the ancient poets and he sucks up every word I know, making it impossible for me to describe him as he deserves. Arthur is a man with a fragile soul encapsulated in a strong body, he’s a duality in which the contrasts reside. He’s a full moon, of which we can only see the frontal face and remain unaware of the other side casts in shadow like his crooked tooth, hidden by prying eyes which cannot understand him. It’s a puzzle with no solution. He has thin lips that before being kissed want to be found first, an imposing nose that keeps them in the shade and keeps them safe for the person who has enough courage and love to challenge it and reach his lips that evoke you like a siren’s call. His face is lived, crossed by lines and folds in which you can read his unfortunate life’s story as if it were a book of a fairy tale, full of monsters, witches and goblins, about a lonely man in search of true love. He has long hair that encloses in a brown frame his emerald eyes, they reminds me of the color of magic. He’s a beautiful soul, an earthly angel who was forced to defend himself with the only way he had to survive. His worn out clothes are too short for him and leave his wrists uncovered, too big for him and hang from his body like the curtains of a window moved by the wind, and in fact his body is a window. Every day I look out this bodily window to see the whole world that resides within him, a beautiful, enchanted world full of colors and love to give which everyone should have known, but unfortunately no one managed to see. And guess who’s got carried away by Arthur like always? 😂

critic: what’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received about writing?

I’m very insecure about my writing and I always compare myself to others, and one day I was talking about it with a friend of mine who told me: “Be proud of your talent because it can only grow”. I read a lot of good advice about writing actually, another friend told me: “If you ever don’t feel content with your writing, be happy. It means you care enough to pick it apart and want it to be perfect” (I wonder if they’ll recognize themselves? If you’re reading yes I’m talking about you 👀) I hope they can be useful for you and anyone who will read it 💕 

Thank you darling for asking, I loved this 💕💕

send me writer asks!

[sigma-gay]

The Batman Was Sexy

I was trying to decide whether or not to write a review on the movie bc tbh I didn't think it would be that good of a review and I didn't feel particularly one way or another abt the movie, however, I still have some things to say abt the movie that I thought would be worth mentioning.

1. Slow Pacing

this movie is three hours. it feels like it's three hours. both times that I watched it it felt like three hours. ik some people are saying that there's nothing that you can cut out, and I agree with that, however, there are definitely a lot of scenes that can be cut down. especially once it gets to the end, there's a lot of standing around and staring. it's supposed to be seen as character development, or your supposed to be imagining an internal monologue for a character I guess?? if anything, it just feels like the movie is trying to make you think something more is happening than what's happening. the script is already strong enough on it's own, the extra lingering wasn't necessary for the audience to believe the characters were moving with a certain motivation. it felt unnecessary and getting rid of it would definitely help speed up the movie a lot and make this three fucking hour long movie a little bit shorter.

2. The Riddler

I think ur reaction to the riddler and his overall character arc is highly dependent on the audience that you saw it with. the first theater I was in took the riddler really seriously (clearly the direction they were taking him in) and the second theater laughed when he came on screen in the diner scene. either way, I still disagree with the way they handled his character.

first of all, I liked that they took him seriously. I don't think the riddler should always necessarily be taken seriously, but in the context of the movie, the more serious approach definitely worked. he had a clear motivation and it made sense as to why he would be upset. however, the way that he carried out his motivation didn't make sense at all. the Riddler cites his difficult upbringing suffering as an orphan and being poor and being forced to see little bruce whine abt being a billionaire in a mansion. makes sense why he would hold a vendetta against Bruce Wayne who he suspects to be batman. shit, he got me on his side when he explained his backstory. but the way he carried out his motivation made no sense. he's mad abt the oppressive system of Gotham ✅ he's mad at Batman bc of what he represents ✅ he wants to uncover the lies and corruption in the Gotham government to show people the pain he went through bc of the broken system ✅ so he floods the city?? it doesn't connect. how does flooding a fucking city solve the problem?? how does flooding a city expose the lies of Gotham?? you could argue that the riddler just wanted an organized terrorist attack by civilians to show the insufficient capabilities of the government, but the movie sets up the riddler to be more clever than that. every other attack he sets up before that is done in a specific way to expose corruption. flooding the fucking city was a dumbass way of exposing corruption and wouldn't lead the citizens of Gotham to mistrust the government, but incel twitch streamers that breathe heavily.

also, as a lil side note, they kinda joker 2.0d him, ngl. the whole interrogation scene where he was talking abt how similar they were was wayyyy too close to the interrogation scene in the Dark Knight. tbh if they put him in clown makeup and made him a bit more senile he'd just be the joker.

3. Zoe Kravitz's Catwoman

I hate the way they handled her. so fucking much. oh my god. first off, HER MASK?? WHY TF DID THEY GIVE HER THAT FUCKING MASK?? she barely wore it half the time and took it off the minute she ran in somewhere and thank GOD. jfc WHY DID THEY GIVE HER THAT DINKY LITTLE THING THEY DID HER DIRTY. the rest of the suit looked normal I just don't get why they couldn't have made the mask a lil bit better 😭😭😭 also she barely looks like Catwoman without it. she's just a woman in a leather bodysuit.

I also really hated the way they handled her and batmans relationship. I don't understand how people fall in love with Batman in general. especially considering that they only know him as batman and can literally ONLY see the bottom half of his face. like how tf are you supposed to judge what a person looks like from that. and it's not like his amazing personality is shining through either. he says one word every ten minutes and walks around all weird and serious and shit. and this movie was no exception. their relationship just felt forced?? like, they had almost no chemistry outside of Batman being weird and watching her change and then they just kissed at some point?? they relied on the audiences knowledge of Batman and the comics (and the fact that Robert Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz are both really fucking hot) too much and didn't bother to ACTUALLY write the two a storyline. when they left each other at the end I wasn't even sad. like oh no, the girl you kissed three times?? in this movie and said ten words to is gone how sad oh nooo :(((((

I hope Zoe Kravitz comes back bc jfc she's hot and she needs to get like an actual fucking storyline and mask.

4. Overexplaining

the movie explains itself too much. at some points I rolled my fucking eyes at it jfc. when they broke into the riddler's apartment and started reading his diary I almost laughed out loud. NOBODY FUCKING WRITES IN THEIR DIARY LIKE THAT. it was just Commissioner Gordon monologuing for the riddler jfc HATED IT. like, the audience is smart enough to figure shit out, the movie doesn't have to explain it to us at all points.

5. Tone/Mood

I actually think the movie got this spot on. for moody Batman, they hit the nail right on the head. it definitely was emo Batman and lived up to that title. I really liked how all the tech looked kinda steampunk and had that industrial feel to it (btw the next movie should use NIN in their soundtrack). I liked the red and black and little emo Bruce Wayne walking around needing sunglasses. v fun

6. Overall

sexiest Batman movie superlative.

[comatose--overdose]

Hmmmmm for the ask game 🤔

I think your main blorbos are Jason, Timmy, Bruce and Dick. Hopefully I’m not too far off 😅

😂

I might be oversharing but it's nearly 6 am and I haven't slept yet

Definitely Jason, yes. I would kill for him. I would die for him. I would make him his favorite meal and some nice tea and later tuck him gently into bed and pet his precious head. I would give him the joker's head without hesitation like a cat brings its owner a mouse.

When it comes to Bruce.... When I write I ignore canon but when it comes to my feelings on the character overall the canon is still... There, you know? I love him but in a very complicated way, mostly because I've never seen another character so easy to project both diametrically opposed sides of my daddy issues onto at once, truly, it's incredible. The hostility I hold for terrible fathers and my desire for a positive male role model, he can fit for either one depending on what I'm after, and honestly this also perfectly explains why Jason is my Blorbo, I swear to God, I saw someone say "tell me you have Daddy issues without telling me you have Daddy issues" and "Jason Todd is one of my Blorbos" is my best answer.

I love Dickie, a lot, but I'm not a stan by any means. He's great, but he's missing that extra something I could latch onto to make him my Blorbo.

Timmy.... Oh Timmy. Timmy, of all of the bat boys.... Is the farthest from ever being my Blorbo. I like to bully him playfully, I definitely don't hate him, but you know how they say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference? NGL, it probably has more to do with his stans and the way they tend to treat Jason than Tim himself but basically I'd drop him down the plinko for fun because stressing him out and driving him insane is hilarious to me, but otherwise he's just kinda there. I decide to be nice to him every now and then though.

Care to try again, or would you rather I just tell you? I have 3 more DC Blorbos other than Jason (and I'll admit I'm a lot less obvious with 2 of them), and god knows how many from other fandoms.

[playlist-reid]

Under Pressure - Spencer Reid

this one I jammed to while writing ngl. this blurb is inspired by Under Pressure by David Bowie and Queen (aka two of the most important people in my life) and also this gif gives me butterflies :)

enjoy my little muffins!!

word count: 1,539

~.~

Spencer Reid's gun was held high as he crept along the empty and dark hallway. The only light that he had was from the streetlight outside of the abandoned apartment complex he was in, and it left an leery feeling in his gut. His face remained stony, and he wanted nothing more than to clear the building and look somewhere else for the unsub. But, a feeling in his gut told him that the unsub was here, perhaps even close.  It was a feeling he hated, but it was always worth it in the end.  

He crept through the warehouse, and the silence in his earpiece was equally as frightening.  Everyone was so serious and so quiet when it came to an extremely dangerous unsub like the one they were after now, and it was evident in the team’s actions.  

Spencer crept into an open room, and stayed against the wall as he surveyed the room carefully. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and there was absolutely nothing to looked to be out of place.  It was quiet, still, except for the rain pelting the metal ceiling vigorously.  If he were home in his bed with a book and light music playing, the rain would be a soothing privilege, but in the warehouse, where he could die at any moment, it was unnerving.  

He made his way around the perimeter of the large room and stayed silent, stepping over rubble and easing under the girders leaning against the wall.  Once he made his way around the room, Spencer walked towards the center.  

For a moment, he stopped and pinched his nose in an attempt to keep himself from sneezing in the dusty room.  He felt sick for a second, like he was moments from having an allergy attack, but the feeling shook off quickly and he sniffled in the dark room, trying to make as little noise as possible.  Once he regained his composure, Spencer scanned the room once more before turning around and walking towards the second entrance, letting his gun down for a split second.  

Just as he did so, a figure stepped into the dull light from the hallway, warranting Spencer to bring his gun up in a split second.  All he could see was a silhouette, and he was hesitant to make any action.  What if it were a member of his team?  It was obviously a man from the shape of the silhouette, but it did not appear that there was a thick FBI bullet proof vest on.  

“Drop your weapon,”  Spencer ordered unevenly.  He was worried he was pointing his gun at Morgan, or even Hotch, but it did not seem that the shape of the person matched that.  “Is that you, Brandon Marlboro?”  Spencer asked deeply. 

The figure was silent and instead, moved into the dark room, where Spencer’s eyes were able to adjust and land upon the unsub, Brandon Marlboro.  “Brandon, drop your weapon and we can work this out.”  Spencer said more solidly as the unsub held a gun in his hand, pointed towards the ground.  “Where is Hailey and Jenny?”  He asked, referring to the two latest victims he had kidnapped. 

The unsub tilted his head to the side and smiled one of the most wicked smiled that would brand Spencer’s mind for time to come.  “Now, what would be the fun in dropping my gun?  You would just arrest me, and we wouldn’t talk.”  He said with a deep, menacing chuckle.  

“I am not going to tell you again.”  Spencer warned loudly, hoping someone, anyone would hear him.  “Drop your weapon.” 

He told him once again, but the unsub only smiled and stepped closer once more.  “And if I don’t?  You and I both know that I am much quicker, and much more talented with a gun, my dear Spencer.  Before you could even process it, I would have you dead on the ground,”  the unsub laughed loudly, and it reminded Spencer strangely of the Joker from the Batman movie Penelope forced him to watch ages ago.  

“Where is Hailey and Jenny?”  Spencer asked again, holding his finger on the trigger.  “Tell me and we can work this out.”

“You keep saying that we can work this out, but is it true?  After all, I have killed thirteen women, and we both know that is far passed a life sentence.”  The unsub riducled and then, before Spencer knew what was happening, the unsub began to lift his gun towards Spencer, and the sound of a gunshot pierced his ears.  His eyes closed in an instant, waiting for the pain to set it, but it never came.  When his eyes finally opened, you were there, twenty feet behind the unsub with your gun still pointed at him. 

“(Y/N),”  Spencer whispered and he doubted you could hear him.  The two of you rushed to the unsub an you snatched his gun from his limp hand as Spencer checked for a pulse.  

You looked down with a frown as you spoke into your vest.  “Spencer and I got him.”  You said and crouched down to Spencer’s height on the ground, touching his shoulder.  “Are you okay?”  You murmured and looked at the unsteady look on his face.  

Spencer nodded numbly and stood as the team and local policed rushed in.  He looked at you, surprised and grateful that you were there, and so awestruck that you saved him without blinking an eye.  He knew you hated killing people, whether they be serial killers or not, and you hated using you gun just the same, but you seemed so unaffected by the fact that you had just killed the sick, twisted unsub on the floor right before you.  Instead, you turned and left out of the door you came from.  

~.~

You sat on the plan in one of the double seats that faced the open couch with your legs folded under you and your earbuds in your ears.  The team knew you didn’t care for flying much, so they knew better than to bother you as you gripped the arms of the chair when the plane took off.  You and Spencer were very close, and he sat next to you on every flight, for moral support, and because he enjoyed looking at you when you slept so soundly, even if at some pointed you were actually passed out.  

Ever since you had joined the team around the same time as colleague David Rossi,you were quieter than the rest and had taken a particular interest and fondness in Spencer.  He was much like you, and you were able to stay up with him in the late hours of the morning, talking about books you have read and discussion various classes you were taking in your down time.  The two of you were rarely apart, given that your apartments were two doors down from one another.  Most nights you spent together in one of your apartments, falling asleep on the couch in the living room or out of the balcony in the cool night air.  

The two of you were inseparable.  You knew all there was about Spencer, and Spencer knew all there was about you.  You had even traveled to Las Vegas to meet his mother, which was hard on him, but made him feel so much better.  The team was just waiting for the moment the two of you finally confessed your love for one another, no matter how long it took.  It was a skinny love that neither of you would admit.  

Spencer, however, felt fearless as he leaned towards you and removed one earbud from your ear, interrupting your music.  You glanced at him with a confused look on your face as you removed the other.  

“I never got to thank you.”  Spencer told you and frowned lightly.  “For not letting the unsub kill me.”  He finished and looked at his hands.  

You nodded lightly.  “No need to thank me.  You would have done the same if I were in your position.”  You explained and licked your lips as your fingernails dug into the tan leather of the seat.  You never truly got used to flying, no matter how many cases you went on.  

Spencer shook his head.  “No, I know what you think of using your weapon, and I know it keeps you up at night, and I wanted to thank you. Without you, I would be dead because I was unable to react as quick as you did.  It was truly amazing how quick you were able to react.  You were under pressure and still managed to act so appropriately,” he rambled until you finally leaned over and took his face into your hands, kissing him on the lips for a long, sweet moment.   

When you pulled away, both you and Spencer’s face were burning red.  Hotch stood at the head of the plan, watching you two, and he shook his head lightly.  “Just don’t let it interfere with work.”  He said and walked right by your seats, making a smile spread on both of your faces.  

“You were rambling.”  You shrugged.  “And that is thank you enough.”  You told him with a blush on your face.

[meggannn]

4 , 6/7, and 19 (!!) for lyd shepard

YOU DID NOT ASK FOR AN ESSAY FOR EACH QUESTION BUT YOU GOT ONE

4 - Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

I am still debating on whether Lyd was there to witness her sister die, or whether she came back to their apartment after the turf war and saw everything destroyed and Rou’s mangled body in the rubble and realized what happened and that it was her fault, and sat quietly for several hours in the ruined house before packing up what little remained and leaving for good. even if she didn’t “see” it, the death of the only person she ever cared about, this girl who she grew up with and who trusted her with her care, was the moment she realized that if she continued down the path she was on by remaining with the Reds, she was going to end up dead or in jail before she hit 25, and it’s what drives her to make a change. She doesn’t talk about how much it changed her, but a few people know she had a sister who died. Anderson was the closest thing she had to a father figure and as a fresh recruit so soon after the trauma, I think she was still caught in that “I need someone to know but I don’t want to TALK about it” stage, and he happened to be there and squeeze it out of her. I think Garrus parses together later that she’s lost someone close, but doesn’t realize it was family/a sibling until she discusses it herself, and even that conversation is like pulling teeth. I do think Lyd might have mentioned it freely to Samara during one of her talks, though; Samara has a calming maternal presence Lyd hasn’t ever known before and she knows she won’t be judged.

Akuze was also an Experience, tho it wasn’t something she can really put to words on how it affected her behavior or mentality. That brush with death and traipsing through the desert for two days suffering heat exhaustion and dehydration was the worst part of it, obviously, but during the attack, she saw her CO order several teams into strategic positions to bomb the maws, which she realized was a diversion as he attempted to escape on a shuttle as the maws killed the platoon. (One of the maws shot up from the ground and broke the shuttle in two, killing everyone onboard, and obviously she was the only one who witnessed that and survived.) later when she thinks about it, it infuriates her. I don’t think she includes it in the official report because so young and new to the Navy, she’d feel bad betraying a senior officer KIA, but she carries that into ICT training and it kind of hardens her resolve to become a good PERSON, not just become a good leader. when she realizes people are going to start looking to her with the same trust one day, she puts an immense amount of pressure on herself not to be the person who’d leave behind a cremate because it was tactically reasonable. As for if anybody knows that, no. She doesn’t talk about Akuze much, for obvious reasons.

6/7 - Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams/nightmares?

She doesn’t dream much. (She definitely doesn’t dream about that little shit running through the woods in ME3! If she ever did, though, I think she’d dream it was her sister.)

When she does have nightmares I think they are of those two days she spent wandering the desert on Akuze, trying to make it back to the LZ but knowing she’s far more likely to die there, and no one will ever know or care about her again, wondering if anyone would ever find her body, talking to hallucinations that visit in the heat. By ME3, she’s got a repressed fear of asphyxiation (coming from suffocating in space/drowning when talking to the Leviathan) so that might also feature as a theme, but not the main core of dreams themselves. I have this idea that a particular nightmare she has in 3 that haunts her might be one in which the Leviathan refused to let her go and she was trapped in Despoina’s ocean for the rest of time, watching the Reapers destroy everything and the rest of the universe carry on, until eventually someone forgets that she’s down there at all.

19 - What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

so I think some of my characterizations reflect what’s usually there in canon, just exaggerated tenfold lol. Shepard’s got this huge urge to fix every problem and be everybody’s therapist and 2AM call, but the instant someone turns that lens around to try to help her with her own problems, she shuts down, because why aren’t they minding their damn business? So there’s a bit of a hypocrisy thing (and I feel like I really didn’t portray this at all in my fic, where Shepard lays everything at Garrus’s feet because She’s Sad, so I’m doing my best to make this emotional repression integral to the emotional plot of my next fic). but I also feel like it’s because she sees herself as a caretaker to almost everyone she considers a friend - she’s the caretaker, she’s the top of the pyramid of responsibility, if someone sees she needs looking after, she subconsciously takes it as a question of her capability/status. The only exceptions are people like Anderson (and to a lesser extent, Hackett), because she knew them as superiors first and is more likely to rationalize comfort from them as her officers comforting their subordinate.

When I say caretaker btw I don’t mean that like, she’s gonna make sure everyone on the ship eats and brushes their teeth and packs them lunch every morning. But she lowkey sees their emotional trauma as her duty too, and she tells herself it’s because (in ME2) she’s trying to recruit them to her side in case TIM decides to betray her, because she needs them ready for the upcoming war, because she needs them at their peak performance to do their jobs, etc (all of those things are true, Shepard, but also you’re just lonely). So also I think the nature of her urge to fix-it, while it comes from a good place, is also a bit presumptuous: she’s not gonna be your mom and if you’re on her ship, she’s gonna treat you like an adult, but she does consider everyone her responsibility beyond the line of formality. she doesn’t want a repeat of her sister and Akuze and Alchera, and she expects her team to bring up personal issues to her if they’ll be problems. It only occasionally crosses her mind that some people might not be entirely comfortable with telling a stranger their life story, and she NEVER thinks about how if she were faced with a similar situation, she’d rather die than let a CO knew that SHE has an emotional weakness lol.

SO ANYWAY. Has this ever damaged her relationship? The argument with Joker in ME3 is a prime example, though I think Shepard calmed down and apologized before it did any real damage. Since developing this tick the people she’s been closest to have been Anderson and the crews of the Normandy. Of those people, I think Anderson, Garrus, Liara, and Chakwas would go out of their way to specifically check in on her wellbeing. I went into this above, but concern from Anderson and Chakwas she rationalizes as genuine but also professional care; Anderson is her mentor and Chakwas is her physician. Liara she knows means well, but chafes when she pries too far in ME1. (She’s not offended, she knows Liara is just curious, but her past is a locked door that she will not be opening unless she can help it.) Garrus is a former cop, and before he was a detective I think he might’ve been a first responder to hostage situations or been on calls on domestic violence, etc. I think he recognizes trauma when he sees it, and years of knowing Shepard (and following her example) have taught him to recognize when someone wouldn’t be receptive to traditional consoling. Soooo I think he would know not to try the usual approach he would with victims, what he does is be himself and give her company and remind her to sleep and make sure none of his friendly suggestions come off too cloyingly, and if she wants to talk about it, then she’ll talk about it. (NGL this is also wrapped up in my complicated ideas of how Garrus treats Shepard: despite what he says he’s still got a turian urge to defer to her authority and not overstep his boundaries, but he’s struggling to reconcile that with his new status as a partner, and also HE’S got a bit of a fix-it complex himself that he turns right back on her, so.)

(Kaidan is also a person who subtly offers Shepard a shoulder to lean on in ME1, and she doesn’t really pick up on the hints. It’s possible he may have succeeded in getting her to open up in ME3, tho he died on Virmire in my playthrough. I’m sorry, Kaidan.)

character development meme