#just the inability to let go of it and it haunting him forever

[skitskatdacat63]

Sorry but I was looking thru asks and I saw these again and they make me laugh every time I look back at them, thank you cofi and c 😭😭😭

I ended up calling it Boy King bcs that's really just how everyone knew it already, but these are all soooo gold

Spanish Dream AU has such great historical context though btw:

I guess sometimes when I tag drawings, I'm like "ah I'm kinda ignoring Nano :<" but then I realize that's the whole point! Yeah he's important and so are others in the au, but Seb is always the most important at the end of the day 🤭🤭

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Watching "Bad Territory" and "Paths Unknown" from a mental health perspective really dials up the angst. It's so obvious that the Batch all really need therapy and it's sad to see them all struggle. So much has changed over the past year for them and by season 3, the cracks really show more than ever. Because they're so used to the solider life, pretty much all of them, particularly Crosshair, internalizes their pain to the point of self-destruction. They don't want to talk about it and it affects all of them.

Hunter's inability to keep his squad together after Order 66 happens takes a big toll on him. He directs all his energy at Omega and losing her in season 2 really pushes him over the edge. Instead of talking about it, he begins to act more recklessly. Hunter also has to deal with seeing Crosshair get turned against him and choose that at the end of season 1. There's also a lot of guilt he probably feels about leaving Cross and seeing the Batch's numbers dwindle. Going back to Omega, she probably gave him something to hold on to. She gives him a purpose despite all the guilt and pain he feels.

Crosshair is the most sensitive of the Batch in my opinion. He internalizes a lot and holds on to it. He lets it fester and I think he does so much more Hunter. Omega is the only person he feels comfortable enough to be truly vulnerable around. He has his moments with Hunter, but it's not on the same level as Omega. But even with her, he's so haunted by what happened to him that he doesn't want to talk about it. He also deflects a lot, putting himself down or lashes out to protect himself. One of the reasons why I loved the meditation sequence is because he slowly begins to find peace of mind. That's really going to help him when he eventually opens up.

Wrecker had to become more mature and the voice of reason for Hunter. While he has his jokey moments, he's much quieter and reserved. He knows he has to be strong for Hunter, just like Omega is for Crosshair. There's something sad to see the most jolly and upbeat characters become more quiet and serious. It shows just how dark things have become.

Speaking of Omega, she's not ok. Between her past and whatever else she went through on Tantiss, there is a lot going on in that little head of hers. She feels guilty for leaving the other clones behind and she went through/saw some very bad stuff. However, she's neglecting her own mental needs for two reasons in my opinion. #1: she's trying to not worry her brothers. She knows her absence affected them. I can imagine she doesn't want to feel guilty about putting more stress on them. #2: she's trying to be strong for Crosshair. Crosshair is the most outward with his mental struggles because it manifests as psychosomatic tremors. That and he pretty much lost all hope after being imprisoned. Omega selflessly puts her own needs aside to be there for him because she knows he's hurting more than he says he is. But how long will keeping up a brave face last for our little sunshine?

I really think "Identity Crisis" will force many of these characters like Cross or Omega to finally open up. They can't hide it forever. Crosshair in particular will have to confront his trauma if he wants his hand to slowly heal. It's a long journey though.

If we compare the Batch in CW vs. TBB S3, it's crazy to think how much they've changed since then. They're all struggling deeply. However, they have each other for support and sometimes, that's the best place to start for healing.

[naomeii]

not... Heather.

—Pairings: Xiao x Lumine x Ex! Reader

Content : Angst to comfort(depends on how you see it), unrequited feelings (lumine's).

Synopsis : the bittersweet reality of being the one who was there but never truly the one he yearned for.

based on : Heather's Pov.

"Xiao… I don't think we could work out anymore. It's just too much for me to handle. You can't just push me away anytime you want and then come back to me? It hurts so much…" Y/n's words echoed in Xiao's mind, haunting him like a painful melody. That day, Xiao was consumed by the weight of his karmic debts, and it manifested as irritation. He never intended to hurt the one he loved so dearly, but that particular day proved to be exceptionally challenging for him.

For the first time, Xiao's usually composed demeanour crumbled, and he raised his voice at her, his words laced with a bitterness that surprised even himself. "Well, if you can't handle that, then we shouldn't be together. You should've known better than to be with me then." His words, though spoken in frustration, carried a venom that stung both of them.

Despite Xiao's difficulty in understanding human emotions, he was willing to learn for the sake of his beloved. Never before had his cold heart felt warmth, except when Y/n was near. However, that day was an exception. As he witnessed Y/n's reaction—her scoff, the tears teetering on the edge of her precious eyes—he realized the gravity of his actions. He failed to grasp how Y/n silently pleaded for him to stop her, to embrace her, and assure her that everything would be alright. But Xiao, in his misguided belief that she deserved better, let her go.

In that moment, as Y/n walked away, Xiao missed the chance to bridge the growing chasm between them. He failed to seize the opportunity to express the depth of his feelings and offer solace. Little did he know that Y/n, though hurt and emotionally torn, had lingered for a fleeting moment, silently yearning for him to halt her departure and provide the comfort she desperately sought..

As Xiao reminisced about that fateful day, the weight of his actions lingered in the air. The memory of Y/n's hurtful words echoed in his mind, and the realization of his own inability to handle emotions gnawed at him. He had pushed away the one person who made his cold heart warm, and the regret settled like a heavy storm cloud.

The months that followed were filled with a profound sense of emptiness. Xiao couldn't shake off the guilt and the haunting image of Y/n leaving with tears in her eyes. His understanding of emotions was limited, but he knew he had hurt her deeply.

In the midst of Xiao's internal turmoil, Lumine and her annoying companion, Paimon unexpectedly entered his life. Lumine, the gentle and kind-hearted Traveler, appeared before him with an unexpected confession. Desperate to move on from the pain of his past, Xiao hesitated but ultimately agreed. The news of their union quickly spread throughout Liyue, painting a picture of the Famous Traveler and the Vigilant Yaksha as a couple.

Meanwhile, Y/n, upon hearing about Xiao and Lumine, couldn't deny the twinge of jealousy that gripped her heart. The realization of Xiao moving on so quickly stung, yet she couldn't blame him.

"Sure, I've got his sweater, but you should know better, He holds my hands, thinking of you forever."

"Oh, your hands are almost my size," Xiao chuckled emptily, his mind involuntarily drifting to memories of Y/n. "Y/n's hands were much smaller."

Lumine, sensing a sudden shift in Xiao's demeanor, asked with genuine curiosity, "Who's Y/n?" She couldn't help but notice the fleeting horror that crossed Xiao's face.

In that moment, Xiao hesitated, his internal struggle evident. After a brief pause, he redirected the conversation, deflecting Lumine's question with a forced nonchalance. "Oh, my apologies," he said, veiling the pain behind his eyes. The untold story lingered in the air, leaving Lumine with a sense of unspoken sorrow that Xiao carried within him.

"cause u were his first, now you're jealous of the 3rd of December, screaming 'wish I were heather'"

Xiao took Lumine to the Lantern Rites Festival, a vibrant celebration of lights and colors. Coincidentally, Y/n was also there with her friends, immersed in the festive atmosphere. As fate would have it, Lumine and Y/n's paths crossed, resulting in an accidental bump. Y/n's expression shifted momentarily, revealing a hint of jealousy that didn't go unnoticed by Lumine.

Xiao, too, caught sight of Y/n in the crowd. His normally impassive features softened at the sight of her, memories flooding back. As he opened his mouth to address Y/n, she quickly excused herself, muttering apologies, and disappeared into the lively sea of festival-goers.

Lumine, ever perceptive, observed the subtle changes in Xiao's demeanor. She didn't miss the way his gaze lingered in the direction Y/n had vanished. It was a silent acknowledgment of the complex emotions that still lingered between Xiao and Y/n, the unspoken connection that Lumine could sense in the air. The Lantern Rites Festival, meant to be a joyous occasion, became bittersweet.

"you walk by, he stares with such heart eyes, wish he'd stare into my eyes"

Throughout the Lantern Rites Festival, Lumine couldn't shake off the unsettling feeling in her chest. Xiao's gaze, usually stoic and distant, carried a softness she had never seen before. Lumine couldn't help but notice the contrast between the way Xiao looked at her and the way he had looked at Y/n.

As the festival unfolded with its vibrant lights and joyful celebrations, Lumine couldn't escape the wish that lingered in her heart. She yearned for Xiao to cast his gaze upon her with the same tenderness and longing he had shown for Y/n, even if just for a fleeting moment. The unspoken desire for that connection, for Xiao to look at her with an emotion that transcended his usual reserve, weighed on Lumine's mind, creating a subtle undercurrent of melancholy beneath the festive atmosphere.

"I'm just a rebound in his life, gosh I've tried"

Lumine decided to surprise Xiao by preparing his favorite dish, Almond Tofu. With genuine enthusiasm, she presented the dish to him, hoping to bring a smile to his usually reserved face. "Mmh, it's good, but it's too sweet for my liking. You should ask Y/n how to ma—"

Xiao's words hung in the air, cutting through Lumine like a knife. She felt a pang of hurt as the sentence remained unfinished. The unintentional comparison stung, and Xiao's abrupt halt left Lumine with a mix of confusion and disappointment. Sensing the discomfort, Xiao awkwardly excused himself, leaving Lumine alone with her thoughts.

As she stared at the half-finished plate of Almond Tofu, Lumine grappled with the realization that, despite her efforts, there were lingering shadows from Xiao's past that continued to affect their interactions. The sweetness of the dish turned bitter in her mouth, mirroring the bitter taste of the unspoken emotions that hung in the air between them.

"Why are you jealous of me? You're talented, smart, and funny,"

While Xiao was away, Lumine decided to explore Liyue and stumbled upon the place where Y/n worked. As she approached, she witnessed a heartwarming scene – Y/n, surrounded by playful children of Liyue, her beauty accentuated by the genuine joy on her face. The infectious laughter echoed in the air, and Lumine couldn't help but understand why Xiao's cold heart melted in Y/n's presence.

Caught in the moment, Y/n noticed Lumine's presence. The warmth in her smile faltered, and an awkward silence settled between them. Y/n, unsure of Lumine's intentions, offered a tentative wave before excusing herself and moving inside.

As Lumine observed Y/n's interactions with the children, a mix of admiration and wistfulness filled her. The genuine connection Y/n shared with the kids and the way she effortlessly radiated warmth. Lumine couldn't deny the pang of realization that Xiao's heart belonged to someone who brought not only warmth to him but also to those around her.

"He loves you better, writing love letters, For you, not for Heather,"

In the evening, Lumine made her way to Wangshu Inn, ascending to the roof where Xiao often found solace. There, she found Xiao engrossed in watching a clip, seemingly of glaze lilies. Lumine connected the dots, remembering the similar pair adorning Y/n's hair earlier in the day.

Approaching Xiao with a heavy heart, Lumine took a deep breath before urging him to be honest about what his heart truly desired. Xiao, surprisingly sincere, met her gaze and offered a heartfelt apology. He admitted that his heart belonged to someone from the past – Y/n. Lumine, though hurt, understood the gravity of his confession.

With a resigned acceptance, Lumine acknowledged that she needed to let him go. Xiao's sincerity in acknowledging his feelings for Y/n made the decision clear. As Lumine stepped away from the roof of Wangshu Inn, she carried the weight of unspoken emotions and the bittersweet realization that sometimes, even with the best intentions, hearts yearn for connections that transcend the present.

"because I'm not his forever."

The next day, Lumine made the difficult decision to leave Liyue and continue her travels. With a heavy heart, she walked through the streets, grappling with the ache of unrequited feelings. As she passed by a familiar place, fate dealt another painful blow.

In a moment frozen in time, Lumine caught a glimpse of Xiao and Y/n in a warm embrace. The two lovers, finally reunited, shared a connection that Lumine had yearned for. The sight, though beautiful, shattered Lumine's heart into even smaller fragments. She felt the weight of her unspoken emotions as she silently observed the happiness that had eluded her.

With a deep sigh, Lumine continued on her journey, leaving behind the bittersweet love that wasn't meant for her. The road ahead seemed longer, and the pain of unrequited love lingered, but Lumine knew that her travels held new adventures and the possibility of healing a heart wounded by the twists of fate.

[arabella-strange]

imo the Grand Demon of Loathing is going to hit them all with reasons they hate (or could hate) themselves already:

Dorian's is all the reasons he was in the closet, all the reasons he was overshadowed by Cyrus, all the people he failed to be good enough to help (all the reasons someone he might love would not want him)

Imogen is her father's disgust, Liliana's choosing power over love for her daughter, Imogen's hypocrisy of also wanting power for personal gratification and lying to her friends (and herself) about it, her deep deep desire to be normal and the knowledge that she was a freak instead, her inability to save Laudna and her own doom to be alone (and deserve it)

Ashton's their many many failures, the times when they should they could rise above others and proved how pathetically they fall instead, it's FCG's death and the Nobodies' departure and parents who didn't care about them enough to reject power -- and their inevitable same fate, and all the reasons they deserved to be left behind

Orym's is being just a small little guy, just a toy soldier in front of a monumental horror, his inability to save people, and his inability to stick to his own better principles when those he loved most would have wanted him to (the ways he is letting down their memory and dragging down his friends now), and possibly his Fey doom to be alone and shackled forever, because he's just not as powerful, not as strong, not as good as they were or as he tells himself he is

Fearne's is her dark side again, her flightiness and selfishness, all the times she was a ditzy fool in the face of the grave seriousness of the world, all the times she made terrible choices and others paid for it (all the people who were glad they left her)

And perhaps most of all

Laudna's is already out there—all the negging Delilah has done to isolate and control her; it's the way she is powerless and her friends are special, it's that she always drags everyone down and they deserve to be free of her, it's that she is not fun-scary but just a rotten mistake and it would be better if she let herself go and stopped pretending to be worth saving

= Dominox has to be about preying and drawing on the ways that people shrink when they believe they DESERVE the worst of what they get. It's about pure Loathing and "insecurity"—it's the howl of the Abyss.

Fun!

[p.s. I do think Chet's beats coulda been more powerful if Matt had had another week to think of them. Like yes I guess Chet is haunted by accidentally killing people but he has been pretty resilient about that prospect. What he hasn't been so casual about is hurting his friends. It's why he chewed Ashton out so bad after the first Shard incident. It's why he peacocks so hard to all the higher-ups they meet. He doesn't want to be discounted and he really doesn't want to lose another family. I think if he gets Dommed again, it would also have to be about that.)

[corioheinous]

Can I just say how much I love love love it when a character or a group of characters are haunted by the absence of a person who was once integral to their lives. Especially when the entire narrative is structured around that particular loss like hands down my favorite television shows right now are Fleabag and The Bear which are both Masterful fucking examples of this (Fleabag’s dead best friend, though you could probably make a case for her mother too, and Carmy’s dead brother respectively).

And it’s like. The loss of these loved ones is so inextricable from the characters that survived them to the point where everything they do and say every choice they make whether good or bad is ultimately influenced by their grief. I’m catching up with the current Blue Period arc right now and really enjoying it, mostly bc of the complicated friendship dynamic between Momoyo, Murai, and Hachiro—and the lone piece missing from their friend group—Sanada. Murai’s experience with grief in particular is so fascinating to me because unlike Momoyo and Hachiro, he hasn’t been able to “move on” or cope with his grief in a healthy way. It’s sort of become this unsurmountable weight on his shoulder, this ghost-like presence that looms over his character constantly. When Yatora reflects on his loss in ch. 62, there’s an interesting emphasis placed on Murai’s expression—

—which made me realize just how emotional of a character Murai is through his facial expressions alone. Not necessarily in this chapter, because he’s very much putting on a brave face, but in chapter 64, you practically witness him going through every stage of grief at once. It’s honestly a massive transformation given that he’d been stuck in the “denial” stage for so long.

I think it’s interesting to think of Murai as both a character who is avoidant, repressive, in denial about his own feelings and the reality of the world around him (it’s mentioned also in ch. 64 that Murai didn’t even attend Sanada’s funeral, which is exactly the kind of immature behavior/inability to cope that you would expect from a character like him) WHILE simultaneously being someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. I reckon he forces himself to feel nothing at all out of fear that he’ll feel too much at once, and thus end up causing a scene like he did at Sanada’s posthumous exhibition.

Besides the cool back tat and funky earring, I wasn’t all that compelled by Murai’s character until I read through this chapter and experienced this entire emotional upheaval alongside him. I kind of just had to sit down for a bit after reading the last scene, after Yotasuke’s Murai-san, it’s okay to live your life holding onto that grief forever, isn’t it? comment which is such a bonkers thing to say (/pos) and God. Not to quote The Bear FX here but it really is satisfying to watch a character that you know needs to let it rip just let it rip. That laidback attitude and nonchalant expression of his were never truly the whole of it. I’m really satisfied with the way grief & loss has been framed through Murai, and I’m excited to see what his character becomes as he continues to both carry these feelings inside him and live to grow around them.

[yanderecrazysie]

here me out yandere! erasermic with shy!reader who has tendency to have nightmares and doesnt sleep well-

[this has been on my mind like all week for some reason😭 but anyways have a great day/night and take as much time as you need/want its healthy for you!]

Just a little heads-up, I write multiple characters as working together and not as poly, so I hope that’s okay!!! You can technically think of it as poly if you want, since I’m not super specific on it lol.

And you have a great day/night as well!

Title: Circles

Pairings: Eraser Head/Aizawa Shouta x Reader; Present Mic x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, drugging

Summary: Eraser Head and Present Mic’s new darling is adjusting well in every way except sleep. Is there a way they can finally give her the rest she needs?

“Sleeping peacefully

The girl I used to be

Until I fell so deep

A neverending tragedy.

You haunt me in my dreams

But it's all I want to see.”

-from “Circles” by KIRA

 You had been here nearly four months, and your sleeping had only grown worse.

It took forever for you to fall asleep and, whenever you did, your slumber was plagued with nightmares and heartbreaking memories that had you waking with a start and crying before you even opened your eyes.

 Your captors grew more and more stressed at the sight of you withering away from the lack of good sleep. The rings under your eyes were larger and darker than even Aizawa’s, and the sight alone had their stomachs twisting with worry.

“What do we do? Why won’t she go to sleep, Eraser?”

“It’s not just a matter of falling asleep, Mic, it’s a matter of staying asleep too.”

Your captors were kind throughout the months you’d been here, but they still terrified you. So many of your nightmares twisted their happy expressions into evil ones and used their soft voices to scream obscenities, until you awoke more afraid of them than on the day you’d been brought to the isolated cabin you resided in.

Not a single night went by without turning into a sleepless night or one packed full with night terrors. At this point, you were afraid to sleep. Afraid to see what your unconscious mind was ready to traumatize you with further the minute you successfully drifted away into dreamland.

Your captors were there for you as you fell asleep and whenever you awoke screaming and crying. You could see their faces lined with worry as they reassured you that you were safe. You welcomed the comfort, even if you knew you shouldn’t trust the people who kidnapped you.

One of them, the dark-haired one that the other called “Eraser”, seemed to understand your inability to sleep. Probably because he always looked so tired himself. He also spent the most time with you at night, pulling all-nighters sometimes to make sure you were okay. 

A strange part of you appreciated that.

“Summer break, finally! Now we can spend some time with our favorite listener!”

Your head perked up when you heard them both enter the house. You had learned that they both worked as teachers during the day, so they often had to be away from you… Was it really summer break already? Had you really been here long enough for school to let out?

Your blond captor, who the other called “Mic”, was much more energetic than his companion, and he quickly came running into the living room, searching for you. He beamed when he spotted you on the couch.

“(Y/n)! Let’s have a movie night!” He said, seeming very proud of himself for coming up with the idea.

“A movie night?” Eraser entered the living room after him, one eyebrow raised, “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

You agreed to it, even though you weren’t sure you had a choice in the first place. They were kind enough to let you pick your favorite movie, one neither of them had seen, and pop it into the DVD player.

With the lights off, your favorite movie playing, popcorn from Mic and soda filling your stomach, you weren’t too surprised that your eyes were beginning to droop. After days of barely getting any sleep at all, your body was finally at its limit and ready to give you what you truly needed.

You saw Mic give Eraser an excited look, which was returned with an indulgent smile (perhaps the happiest you’d ever seen Eraser). You couldn’t help but smile yourself a little, both in happiness and relief. You had a feeling there’d be no nightmares tonight.

You were sleeping peacefully between them on the couch long before your movie was over. The two were beyond glad that Mic had proposed a movie night, as it had done what they needed it to do and given their precious darling the gift of dreamless (and nightmare-less) sleep.

That, and the pills they slipped into your soda.

[merakiui]

OH MY GOD THE ORIGINAL CONCEPT IS SO SO GOOD BUT ALSO HELLO THE TAGS?? IM HEARING YOU LOUD N CLEAR [c,, can we please hear some more about incel azul pretty please 🛐🛐]

Yes, allow me to share some thoughts!!! >:)

(cw: yandere, nsfw, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, lots of self-loathing from azul, female reader, misogyny, incel behaviors, mention of implied non-con, stalking, obsession, for the sake of this pretend nrc isn't an all-boys university orz)

Incel!Azul is really, really hateful. Not only does he hate himself and his inability to effortlessly charm other mers like some of his peers, he hates their confidence, their attractive qualities, their slim bodies, their flashy tails, their pretty smiles. He hates all of it. But what he hates most of all is you, that sweet, pretty octo-mer who was so perfect in every way. If Azul is meant to be the monster and the moon, then you are the hero and the sun, a polar opposite in comparison to him. You're the one with a lot of friends. You're the one with the nice voice. You're the one who can swim fast and skillfully. You're the one who doesn't cry or ink uncontrollably like he does. You're so bright and happy and pretty.

Back when the two of you were attending the same school, everyone seemed to like you while they all turned their dislike on him. You'd get your fair share of confessions and gifts, and Azul witnessed all of it from the sidelines, silently loathing you and your popularity. How could anyone like you when you were just as ugly as him! The two of you are the same species, and yet it was he who was treated like the monstrosity. It was never fair. He hates it.

Despite the fact that you'd always publicly turn these confessions down, Azul thinks you might have accepted them in private. Sure, he doesn't have any solid proof to back up that theory, but he just knows you let those mers fuck you silly after classes had ended and you'd drag them off to all the places that became known for lewd activities. Places Azul has never been to, but he's overheard plenty of stories. That haunted shipwreck that's seen more sexual activity than paranormal activity. The coral reefs or the rocks or the sea trenches, dark, cramped spaces perfect for curling into one another. He's certain you've left your mark on every area.

When the school had its annual dance and you chose to go with a group of friends instead of the few mers who attempted to ask you out, he was filled with so much anger. How dare you have the luxury of that choice when he's always so alone. How dare you get to pick through various suitors while he's never even held hands with anyone before. How dare you get to exist happily as the same species while he's forever stuck in misery, constantly bullied solely for being alive. How dare you.

Spring is a very important time for merfolk. Lots of them set off in search of mates, some of them depart with their lifelong partner, and others prepare themselves to lay eggs, to be filled with eggs, to kiss and touch and hold their true love. Azul always thought he'd find his true love like in the storybooks, but after being told countless times that he's too ugly, too fat, too gross, too weird, too much of a crybaby he's begun to doubt his dreams. Every spring, Azul would pay close attention to you. Somehow you always seemed far more prettier in the spring, but that could just be because he was looking at you in less-than-innocent ways. Someone as perfect as you would never want to mate with him. His classmates were right when they said all of his young would probably be eaten before any of them could even brave the cruel waters of the Coral Sea because they all came from the weak, gross, squishy, clumsy Azul. Still, he'd watch you as you interacted with the many friends who surround you, wondering if a miracle might bless him and make him more attractive so that you'd finally, finally look his way. And maybe then, in the far-off future, he might spend spring with you.

You tried to approach Azul once. When you'd first transferred in and had learned there was another octo-mer just like you attending classes, you'd been eager to befriend him. But the Leech twins had gotten in your way every time, preventing you from even speaking to Azul directly. For that reason, you gave up on your pursuit, coming to the conclusion that the elusive Azul Ashengrotto was simply shy and socially awkward. You'd heard the rumors and the cruel remarks from classmates, and maybe you should've said something to stand up for him. But you were anxious back then. They talked about him so cruelly. If you tried to defend him, wouldn't they just turn their disgust on you? Wouldn't you be bullied next? It was a relief most of your class had accepted you and you'd wanted it to stay that way. So, while Azul was bettering his magical capabilities in order to prove his bullies wrong, you held your tongue and turned a blind eye.

Azul had thought that NRC would be his big break. He'd leave his past under the sea and live on land as a human. He'd expected and looked forward to new beginnings alongside the twins when that mystical carriage had come to pick them up, but what he hadn't expected was that you'd be there with them, a transformation potion already in your grasp. And another thing he hadn't been expecting was how pretty your human form turned out to be. He'd spent a lot of time at that human boot camp with you and the twins, making it his mission to do better than you. He never could surpass you.

Azul tries not to hate you most days, but that becomes impossible once you're enrolled in NRC and you start to make lots of friends. While you blossom, Azul spreads his poisonous roots into every relationship he fosters at school. Your relationships are genuine; his are built upon fear, contracts, shady deals, and deceit. Most days he really can't stand you and your carefree nature. But then most days Azul doesn't really know you. He's never really been your friend. He only knows the image you project and the image he projects onto you: the one where you're a little mer-slut who sleeps around with half the school in order to stay popular and loved.

He's cordial to you when the two of you cross paths, when you join him at lunch, when you visit the lounge, but when your back is turned he's gritting his teeth and silently detesting you. Even on land you're accepted. Even as a human you're praised and trusted. Even when he starts anew, you flourish. And he really despises that.

So when he reverts back to his old self, succumbing to the horrors of Overblot, and you're the first one he sees amidst the many students, all cowering or unconscious, he can't stop himself from wrapping a tentacle around your fragile human legs to bring you to him. How dare your friends try to save you. How dare you surround yourself with so much love and goodness. How dare you exist in his world. How dare you, an octo-mer just like him, be treated so kindly. It's not fair. It's never been fair. He hates you and everything that you are.

It isn't in the warm shallows of the sea during spring, but rather the frigid, inky depths of the realm that houses Octavinelle when he decides to permanently mark you as his.

[wutheringheightsfilm]

ooohhhh HEATHCLIFF AND CATHY!!!

OOOOOOH YOUUUU!!! okay ill start with heathcliff...

My first impression:

i honest to god can't remember... i always thought he was interesting though

My impression now:

literally a man i will defend with my life (within reason). i understand him...

Favorite thing about that character:

his ability to scheme. that man is literally leagues ahead of everyone else at all times and he outsold on his revenge plot as far as success goes though not as well as edmond dantes did. his passion too obviously

Least favorite thing:

how he treats the next generation of children. he of all people should know what it's like to get crushed underfoot as a child but of course this book is about perpetrating cycles of abuse so he would never have acted any differently

Favorite line/scene:

i mean obviously the haunt me, then! is fucking iconic but there is a scene where cathy tells heathcliff that isabella is heir to the grange, and after cathy leaves the room according to nelly he's just sitting in the parlor plotting and smiling to himself. i also really love every time heathcliff and cathy team up against edgar because i find it hilarious

Favorite interaction that character has with another:

morbid but i love when isabella is telling him "mr earnshaw has the mind to shoot you! if i were you i would go lie down on cathy's grave and die like a dog!" and he still demands to be let in the house and proceeds to suplex hindley to death (not what happens hindley doesn't die like that but whatever)

A character that I wish that character would interact with more:

i wish i could've seen more of heathcliff and hareton after hindley's death, actually. i would've liked to see what their dynamic was actually like when hindley was gone and it was the interim years between cathy II being born and finding out about the heights

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character:

hm. no one is really like heathcliff for various reasons... you know what, i'll throw out mordred from arthuriana. for reasons

A headcanon about that character:

i like to think he made his mysterious fortune by scamming rich businessmen in london or something. unlikely but i wish

A song that reminds of that character:

i have a whole heathcliff playlist, actually, but a song off of there is black by pearl jam

An unpopular opinion about that character:

very few people including academics understand him and even less filmmakers do but i'm not sure if that's unpopular. hm lets see. when he's a child and teenager i would go so far as to say heathcliff did very little wrong and i will extend to him so much grace, more than i think the average person would

Favorite picture:

james howson. obviously

CATHYYYYY TIMEEE

My first impression:

i love her but she's a bit mean

My impression now:

she is very startlingly like me if i was worse off mentally (LOLLL i wrote a substack article about this)

Favorite thing about that character:

oh i love her anger and spite. i really do. it's absolutely great to read when so many women in victorian literature aren't allowed to be more than cardboard

Least favorite thing:

despite me giving her a lot of grace for it, i do sometimes really dislike her inability to see past herself and stop being so myopic.

Favorite line/scene:

MY LOVE FOR HEATHCLIFF IS LIKE THE ETERNAL ROCKS BENEATHHHH

Favorite interaction that character has with another:

the kitchen fight forever and ever and ever

A character that I wish that character would interact with more:

i would have loved to see how cathy would have treated her daughter. i suspect extremely poorly but

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character:

jesus um... really no one is quite like her either. for now though i'll say morgana from bbc merlin

A headcanon about that character:

i think that even before heathcliff comes back, cathy periodically sneaks out of the grange and wanders the moors by herself. maybe even looking for him.

A song that reminds of that character:

i have a whole cathy playlist as well but one song from it is obviously silver springs by fleetwood mac

An unpopular opinion about that character:

i actually do not stand behind the idea that it was cathy's idea to go sneak to the grange. i think it was an idea heathcliff and catherine had together

Favorite picture:

i couldn't fucking find it so i had to go onto my parents' prime video and you can't screenshot that but HERRRR i looove charlotte riley's cathy ill stand by this

THANK U AGAIN!!!

[phoenix-downer]

Touch Cravings Chapter 1

~1400 words. Set post-KH3. Terraqua, Aqua and Ven friendship, and background Sora/Kairi. Grief, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Touch Starvation, Friendship, Romance.

Summary: Aqua is dealing with the effects of her time in the realm of darkness and then the grief of losing Sora. Thankfully, she has Ven and Terra to help her get through this chapter of her life.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

(Companion piece to Touch Hunger [Chapter 1 | Chapter 2]).

The events of the Keyblade Graveyard haunted Aqua. When that Demon Tide had come after them, she had frozen up like a coward. Locked in the past, stuck in a memory. It was like all those Heartless were her phantom selves, taunting her, tormenting her, reminding her of all those years she’d been stuck alone in the realm of darkness and her inability to do anything about it.

They all should’ve died that day, but Sora and Kairi had come to the rescue. Kairi by stubbornly refusing to let go and lighting Sora’s way, and Sora by tracking down every single one of their hearts until he reached her. Together they’d brought everyone back. And then Terra had finally broken free of Xehanort not long after. Hugging him and Ven again had felt so wonderful that the harrowing experiences of that day faded slightly.

Until they’d lost Sora. The price he’d paid to rescue them, to rescue Kairi…to go against what fate had ordained…he’d settled the debt with his own life.

Aqua sighed and curled in on herself. That brave, kind boy, risking everything to save her and Terra and Ven…she sometimes asked herself why he’d done it. She could still see his big bright smile in her mind’s eye, still picture the hand he’d offered to lift her up out of the water, out of the darkness and into the realm of light again. It didn’t feel like he was really gone. It had happened so suddenly. One moment he was sitting on the paopu tree on Destiny Islands, real as can be. The next he’d simply vanished. 

Aqua still couldn’t get Kairi’s cries out of her mind, and it had already been a week. Everyone’s tear-streaked faces would forever be etched in her mind and heart too. Some things you just didn’t forget. 

The other things you did. Time seemed to flow differently, much like in the realm of darkness, and Aqua felt like she was in a strange fog. The days blended into each other, and though Terra and Ven were here, she felt distant from them. They all grieved differently. Ven cried a lot, Terra withdrew, and she ruminated constantly. On and on and on, over and over again, wondering what she could’ve done differently.

There was a knock on her door. She sat up, the blanket falling off of her, the chilly night air making her shiver.

“Come in,” she said, and a moment later, she was greeted by Ven’s hollow expression and red, puffy face.

“Need a hug?” he asked softly. 

“I think you do, Ven,” she said softly, holding her arms out. “And yeah, I think I do too.”

They had an agreement: Ven would give her as many hugs as her heart desired. He’d figured out pretty quickly how starved she was for human contact after all that time spent alone in the realm of darkness.

If only Terra would offer hugs like that. At first he had. At first he’d been overjoyed to be reunited with her and Ven and had given them so many hugs it made her heart sing. But then Sora had disappeared, and she wanted to give him his space as he grieved. For the years lost, for everything he’d been powerless to prevent, for what she and Ven had gone through. For Master Eraqus’s final goodbye. And for Sora’s cruel fate.

The three of them had already made plans to search for Sora, but picking up the pieces was still tough. So she gave Ven a hug, and the ache in her heart and the years of loneliness faded a little. No matter how many affectionate touches she got from friends, it felt like she was still paying back a debt to herself she hadn’t realized she’d owed.

She wondered if she’d ever feel “normal” about touch again.

“I can’t sleep,” Ven admitted. The dark circles under his eyes were proof enough, but she was glad he was being honest with her. Irony of ironies that the boy who had spent so much of his life in slumber was now struggling to sleep.

“I’ve heard it’s common to either not be able to sleep or to sleep too much when you’re grieving,” she said, gently ruffling his hair.

“I wish I got the sleeping too much version of this grieving stuff then,” he muttered. “Then I could escape in my dreams for a little while at least.” 

“My dreams aren’t much better,” she told him sadly. “And then I wake up and I remember all over again that Sora’s gone. It’s like waking up in a world I don’t want to be in.”

Master Eraqus’s passing was heartbreaking, but he’d lived a good, full life, and Aqua had had a decade to come to terms with it. She’d gotten to say goodbye, too. But Sora? There was nothing she could rationalize about his disappearance. There was no closure. He was young and had had his life cut short due to the machinations of a cruel, selfish old man.

“Yeah, me too,” Ven said. “He saved us all. But at what cost?” He pulled away a little to search her face, as if she might have the answers. But she didn’t have the answers. How did you bring someone back who hadn’t died a normal death but had been completely banished from this entire realm?

“We’ll just have to save him too,” she told Ven, because it was the right thing to tell him. “That’s how we’ll make it up to him.”

She didn’t see how else they could do it. Maybe the collective strength of their hearts would be enough to save him. His heart had been enough to save all of them, after all. Granted, that heart was strengthened by all the connections he’d made, but she and Terra and Ven and all his other friends were those connections. They were his living, breathing legacy. Surely that counted for something.

“Yeah,” Ven replied. “It’s the least we can do.”

She and Ven comforted each other for a while after that, talking about what had happened and where they might find Sora. Ven went to bed a few hours later, exhausted at long last, and she couldn’t help the queasy, panicked feeling that rose in her gut as he closed the door behind him. 

Alone. She’d spent so much time alone. Terra and Ven’s backs were always to her. They were always walking away, always leaving her behind. She could reach and reach for them all she wanted, but they wouldn’t turn around and grab her hand. The one person who had grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the darkness was gone. He was in a pit of despair of his own now that no one could reach. Their savior needed saving, and she could only imagine how scared and lonely he must be. Cut off from everyone and everything he knew and loved.

She couldn’t help herself. Hot tears stung her eyes and wove sticky trails down her cheeks. For Sora and for herself. Sora deserved all her tears, but crying for herself was completely selfish. Irrational. The more she thought about it, the more frustrated she got with herself. Why was she crying? Terra and Ven were still here in the castle with her. They hadn’t left her behind and hadn’t willingly abandoned her to the realm of darkness for all those years. And yet she couldn’t help but feel completely and utterly isolated and alone.

“Stop that, Aqua,” she muttered, scolding herself. “You’re not alone. You’re back here in the realm of light with your friends. Sora’s the one you should be crying for, not you. You don’t deserve any tears. If you hadn’t frozen up in the Keyblade Graveyard, Sora wouldn’t have had to rescue everyone, and if he hadn’t had to rescue everyone, then saving Kairi later on wouldn’t have killed him.” She scowled angrily at the teddy bear holding a red heart that Terra had gotten her to make up for being such a downer about her Keyblade Master ceremony.

“Some Keyblade Master I am,” she told it. “I’m nothing but a failure. A weakling.”

“I disagree,” came a soft, low voice from the direction of the doorway. She squeaked and dropped the teddy bear. Ven must not have closed the door all the way, because she could make out someone else standing in the doorway.

“Terra?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I posted Touch Hunger a little over two years ago, and at the time a guest commenter said I should write a companion touch starvation fic about Aqua. Well, that stayed in my head ever since, and I finally found the time and spurt of inspiration to write it. The next chapter will be posted next Friday. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

[sillyguyhotline]

ough something something about the dichotomy btwn joel and ellie’s characters and how they deal with the prospects of time and moving forward. tlou1 doesn’t have any flashbacks. we follow joel linearly through his journey because he’s resigned himself to a life of constantly pushing forward and denying himself any risks of looking back to think about everything he’s lost. he won’t even accept the picture of himself with sarah the first time tommy offers it to him, an undeniably sweet and fond memory for him, because he refuses to dwell on the pain it will inevitably dredge up.

ellie, on the other hand, is completely mired in her past. the first standalone title we get with her is half-flashback, and it’s from her memories of her time with riley that she draws the strength and willpower to save joel and keep fighting for the both of them. tlou2 is even more peppered with flashbacks, ellie’s memories of joel haunting her and ebbing in and out of her current existence. she’s severely burdened by the guilt of everyone she’s had to leave behind and this guilt that she can’t let go of is a key motivator for her to reach the fireflies and make a self-sacrifice that she believes will be a resolution to the pain of her past. these differences end up tying into each other in an interesting way because they both end up feeding into the unhealthiest methods joel and ellie have of coping with their problems. joel allows himself to be cruel and brutal because he does not permit himself to regret or to grieve or to reminisce. ellie, on the other hand, drives herself into self-destruction because she cannot seem to let go of her past and is desperate to find some way to remedy the things that she’s done and that have been done to her (which is ultimately a fruitless task).

they both end up hurting people in the present because of their inability to compensate for the past: joel repeatedly pushes ellie away because he fears having to connect with and love anyone again. ellie ends up damaging her relationship with joel because she can’t let go of the hospital and all of the other losses it represents in her mind, and later her relationships with everyone (dina, herself) because she can’t let go of joel’s death even when she acknowledges that he likely wouldn’t have wanted her to pursue the route she went down.

both characters are so different in how they approach their pasts, but when they end up intersecting they’re able to help each other come to more of a balance and it’s incredibly sweet. ellie, for joel, represents not just the ability to move on from sarah’s death and actually resolve the grief he’s been burying for 20 years, but also an opportunity to Return to his past and come to terms with his fatherhood again. when she presents him with the photograph a second time, he accepts it and resolves that he can’t run away from his past forever. joel, in turn, gives ellie a purpose that isn’t merely defined by her obligations and debts to other people. we begin tlou2 with him singing “future days” to her and promising that the two of them do have a life to live ahead of them, even if it’s not the life ellie had initially wanted or anticipated. they help give each other meaning and purpose in the ways that they individually find it the most difficult to derive purpose from life and it’s . nice :)

[lucy-the-cat]

BTS from seven and/or this is me trying 💕

Most of this are reinterpretations of lyrics to seven by Taylor Swift

Maven never learned to swing on his own.  He always needed Cal to push him, to bring him to a height he never could from the ground.  It was a small joy, a favor from one brother to another.  He never thought much of it.

Then Maven started to jump.

I hit my peak at seven feet In the swing Over the creek I was too scared to jump in

The song is about a child's inability to help a friend trapped in an abusive household, so I felt it would be thematically resonant and good foreshadowing to have him unable to save Maven from a danger so minor. If he can't stop him from jumping, how can he stop him from being taken away by Elara?

Cal clutched his chest and screamed, racing to catch him and stumbling instead.  Maven rolled on the grass and laughed, kicking when Cal tried to scoop him up.  “Put me down!”  He squirmed, biting his hand.  “I will eat you!”

Maven is like all kids: he wants to be free even if it hurts, and he expresses this in ridiculous and unrealistic ways

“Consider me eaten.”  Cal cradled him, struggling against gravity’s pull.  “I will save you through your stomach.”

“I will throw you up!”

“Ew.”  He wrinkled his nose.  “I will crawl back inside your mouth.  Your stinky, stinky mouth.”  Cal dropped him, and he stuck his tongue out.  “Go drink perfume, or something.”

“And eat the bottle?”

They're brothers, they need to bicker like the idiots they are. You need to establish what is there before taking it away

Cal’s stepmother poked her head out.  “What is this nonsense?”

Maven pointed at his brother.  “Cal told me to eat perfume!”

Elara scowled.  “I always knew you were a monster.”

Elara looks for whatever excuse she can to insult Cal. He's an extension of Tibe, and so she hates him just as much

Their father’s voice echoed from inside.  “Don’t you start.”

“Why shouldn’t I?  Because he’s her son?”  Elara huffed, shutting the door.  The rest of the conversation was lost to muffled shouts and Cal’s own good sense, as he shuffled away to continue playing with his brother.  "For the last time, Tibe--"

Cal drowned her out with a scream.

Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously Any time I wanted

My Ao3 username! Yeah I needed to foreshadow his later inability to express his pain, as he learns to make things easier for the adults in his life. Because the pain of children ultimately has no power to change things.

That couldn’t work forever though.  As the grass grew wild and the weeds grew taller, Cal began to hear words he never had before.  Divorce.  Settlement.  Custody.  He didn’t ask what they meant.  He didn’t want to.

Please picture me In the weeds

The description also shows how things are growing out of his control, weeds he cannot pull no matter how he tries.

Maven spent more time in the shed, hunching in the corner and muttering to himself.  Father had yelled at him again, something about how he was no longer his son.  Cal tried to curl up next to him.  There wasn’t enough room.

And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why

Cal both understands and doesn't understand what is happening to his brother. He knows he's in pain, but he doesn't know how to help.

“We’ll run away.”  He crouched beside him.  “We can be pirates on the nearby lake.  You won’t have to cry anymore.”

And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet

A childlike solution to an adult problem. We think children don't know when things are happening around them, but they do. And they want to help when they can't.

“Go away.”

“Never.”  Cal gripped his hand.  “Let’s go to India.  They have a big sea.”

Pack your dolls and a sweater We'll move to India forever

More help that cannot be

Maven sniffled.  “I hate water.”

Cal tugged him onto his lap, but he was too big.  Just as when he tried to carry him, he wasn’t strong enough.  “This house is haunted.”

See earlier lyrics

“Ghosts.”  Maven’s mouth parted.  “People.”

If Cal stood still, he could feel the fingers of his mother in his hair.  She’d give him little braids that would unravel with the wind, something he missed as his hair was cut shorter.  “We can’t see them, but they see us.”

I thought the braid thing was cute

“I won’t see you anymore.”  Maven looked him in the eye.  “You know that?”

Cal blinked.  “What?”

“Mother wants me.  Father wants you.  Neither of them want each other.”  He didn’t waver.  “We’re moving out tomorrow.  You get to keep the house.”

Elara and Tibe would never stay together without the crown, and they both have their favorite children. Nor are they particularly self sacrificing

Cal clutched him tight, squeezing until he complained he couldn’t breathe.  Just as he did the next day, to no avail, screaming in his head as he couldn’t through his mouth.  He didn’t say “I love you.”  He didn’t know how.

Do you always know how to say "I love you?" Do you?

Memories slipped through his fingers, running like water.  Grass stains.  Teddy bears.  Recess.  And as the years went by, somehow, he managed to lose his face.

And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you

The song is a distant memory, as this needs to be. Otherwise, it will haunt them both to their dying days.

And we wouldn't want that, would we? ;)

[sleeplessideology]

Rosehearts Headcanons

So Riddle isn’t my absolute favorite, but when I think of him and his mother and what their relationship looks like I can’t deny the fact I get pretty into it. What better way to think about thoughts than shore them with people that don’t care :D

Anyway, here is the theory shit

Masterlist

{Warnings: Spoilers, swearing, abusive relationships}

For starters, we know his mother is a control freak and that she definitely pressured that into her kid. However, I want to point out that despite that, it’s highly unlikely they have never had loving mother-son interactions.

Of course, with abuse in and shape, there are instances in which no love is shown at all— just the abuse. But. I really can’t bring myself to believe that is the case with the Rosehearts.

For reference, take Turning Red for example. Mei Mei is a top student, pretty impressive tbh. Her mother is very very adamant on perfection. However, even then, when she talks to Mei Mei it tends to be in a noticeably softer tone and when she wants Mei Mei to be perfect she genuinely believes she is. She loves her daughter to death and sees her as the perfect little girl.

I think that even when Mrs(?) Rosehearts restricts her son from certain things and punished him for breaking the littlest tule, she thinks about him in a “my son is such a perfect/wonderful son” in a loving manner.

In no way is that an excuse for her actions. It is simply something that suggests she may not even realize just how bad her doings are.

I can’t image she doesn’t love Riddle— he’s her perfect baby boy— but I also can’t imagine she isn’t fully aware of what she’s doing.

It’s likely she has specific traumas, this type of parenting is generational, or she is simply scared of what will happen to Riddle if he isn’t at the top.

The first two (actually all of them) need therapy to help her out of that, but the last is something completely rational.

Publicity is a wretched thing— take Vil for example. He revolves around what the public want.

Now, Rosehearts needs not much more than to do her job well, however when you’re a famous doctor(?) there will be people looking at you and your family.

Often times it’s not a super large amount of people, but a few that are important. If her kid isn’t as good as her, he would be shunned for his inabilities.

Weather she fears they will claim she raised him wrong or that he is just a bum and not her perfect baby boy is up for debate.

Now let’s say none of that is the case. What if she simply won’t allow a kid under her name be anything less than perfect no matter the cost.

First of all she’d be a fucking asshole

Second, it’s not too far fetched considering plenty of political people are shallow and don’t actually care about family rather they crave fame and power.

Riddle would be pretty stuck, at the very least as a kid. There isn’t much of a way out when it’s political.

People forever things up, pay their way out, and block certain things from the camera’s eye.

It’s likely he’d be stuck like that until he was a fully grown adult and could go off on his own.

Even then, his name is still Rosehearts and that would always haunt him.

This isn’t necessarily supposed to be a Riddle Angst post tho so I’ll just can it

Both theories are quite plausible, pick your poison <3

Thank you and enjoy your day :)

[antagonisticism]

Chapter One: Bloodstained

Katarina’s small hands gripped the shovel as she hit the ground with it hard. A scoop and a swing. Her muscles at nine years old were screaming from having shoveled dirt for over an hour.

The sky blue dress she had worn for the party they had come from was now completely muddied. Blonde tendrils stuck to her face from the sweat of hard labor. The repetitive motion made her block out the noises of nighttime while standing in the hole of her own creation.

“Kat.” A hesitant voice, Alex, called over the edge. “I. . . I don’t think you should do this.”

“It’s fine.” She looked up at her twin. “They’re just playing a game. Watch, these caskets will really be filled with gold!”

Alex frowned, biting at his lip. His anxiety was clearly at an all time high as he glanced to his right, her left.

A grave stone was placed there at the front of the site:

SASHA PAVLIV

LOVING MOTHER AND WIFE

ALWAYS BRAVE. FOREVER FREE.

Kat turned back to him and the mound of dirt he stood next to.

“They’re not dead, Alex.” She said.

“Yes, they are, Kat. You said so yourself after you found them-.”

“Stop!” She shouted, letting go of the shovel to cover her ears with her hands. “No I didn’t!”

“Kat. . .”

“I didn’t!” She screamed back, shaking her head to deny any recollection of that night.

The night she walked into the bedroom in complete darkness. Moonlight breaking through the window had let her see there was an empty space between her parents in the middle of the bed. She had crawled into there but frowned at how wet it felt. Backpedaling, she jumped off the bed.

Her hands were covered in a slimy substance from the bed sheets. Wanting to know what it was, she flipped on the lamp on her mom’s nightstand.

It took her a moment to look down at her hands. Red dark blood covered them, sticky and thick. She slowly looked to her mother on the bed.

And screamed.

“Earth to Kit-Kat.” Her twin’s voice caused her eyes to snap open. “How long are you going to doze like that?”

Sixteen year old Katarina made no move to sit up as she slowly blinked her eyes open and surveyed the area.

They were in her room. Dark grey walls covered in Rembrandts and Van Goghs. A few from Picasso here and there. The high ceiling sported a glass chandelier. Blackout drapes were pulled back so the evening sun could envelope the room with its dying light. The black door to her room was shut to not allow for any visitors.

She was lying on her back with her silk sheets over her. With a try to push herself up, she finally knew why Alex’s face tensed at every little movement she made.

“Ow.” Was all she told her twin.

Her left hand felt like it was on fire. The nerves pinched and pulled at even a singular move of muscles from her. There were two particular pinpoints that felt worse than the surrounding areas. The places where the daggers had been stabbed through by her grandfather.

“Now you remember.” He muttered, helping her scoot up before fluffing the pillows to make her more comfortable.

“Hard to forget.” Kat responded.

She lifted her injured hand to view the extent of the damage.

A bandage covered her entire left hand like a mitten. It was wrapped so tightly she had the inability to move it except for an inch or two. Memorable was the sharp, biting pain at every twist and turn she made to examine it. The haunting of her own screams when her grandfather drove those daggers into her hand made her throat almost close up.

“Doctor said he didn’t hit a significant nerve or bone and you should be able to move it in a month or two with physical therapy. He sewed the wounds up nicely, but he said it’s likely they’ll scar.”

Alex tried to soothe as she heard his own voice struggle to come out.

Not from worry or sympathy. It was working to bridle his anger, she noted.

Her eyes moved from the bandages to finally take a look at her twin.

Alex was already massive at sixteen. She had seen him standing next to their Uncle Feliks and he was the same height, if not taller. The blonde curls of childhood had transformed into dark hair like Kat’s, getting darker by the year. That was the only similarity between them now. His warm brown eyes were the complete opposite of her icy blues. She also noted, with some dissatisfaction, his behaviors were beginning to differ from hers. Despite the pain and the processing of their parents’ murders, he was charismatic.

He was still warm.

“I should’ve been there.” He broke her thoughts with the guilt he held in.

Kat rolled her eyes. “And what would you have done?”

“I would’ve stopped this.” He motioned to the hand, his voice coming out bitter. “That damn old man.”

“No,” Kat kept her emotions in check. “You wouldn’t have. We are under his rules, his house, remember? You being there would have just made the situation worse.”

“Yeah, but-.”

“Alex.” Her eyes shot to him to silence the disagreement. “I’ll be fine.”

He grumbled under his breath something sassy and not worth her time as the pain in her hand throbbed along to her heartbeat. She’d need a few painkillers soon.

“I did mess up, you know,” She told him. “The con with Aunt T. I was supposed to be this big heiress daughter. Life of luxury and taste. It was a deal for millions. Had everything staged out.

Aunt T was going to take on the man and I was supposed to watch his son. Make him fall in love with the idea of me until we bled them dry.

But then I got to know him, Alex. He was bright and funny. He was so down to earth. His mom passed away when he was nine, too.”

Kat looked down at her right hand, still stained by the paints and dyes from her latest projects.

“Cancer. It was apparently a peaceful and expected passing. His entire family rallied around him and his dad when it happened. He said they made him who he was today and how he was going to an elite college the next year to make them proud. Isn’t that beautiful? Having a family that wants you to succeed rather than wanting themselves to? That loves you instead of wishing for your death?”

“Kat. . .”

She shrugged. “I didn’t tell him about the con, but I began to point out plot holes in our story. Slowly, he started to notice. He brought it up to his father and they pulled out of the deal. So it’s understandable for grandfather to have punished me. I cost the family.”

He was quiet for a little. “. . . You have to admit, Dedushka is a real douche sometimes though.”

“Alex.” Kat used her good hand to throw a pillow at his face.

His hands went up to block the attack but he still playfully let out an “ow” so as to get Kat’s eyes rolling again. His lips curled into that boyish grin he so often wore like his favorite leather jacket. Gently, he gripped the pillow and leaned back in the chair rather victoriously.

A knock at the door sounded.

“It’s unlocked.” Alex barked.

“You could’ve gone to open it.” Kat snapped.

He shrugged a shoulder.

“Kat?” Zahkar’s voice made her grin a little. “I just stopped by to check in.”

The door flung open and in came her second-favorite cousin. Behind a plush pale pink bunny almost as tall as him. He tilted it so they could see his face as he gracefully walked the distance from entrance to bed. His movements made the bunny’s head bounce up and down.

“The hell is t h a t.” Alex said once Zak had made it to the foot of her bed and set the bunny down.

“It’s a feel better gift.” Zak remarked nonchalantly. “Where’s yours?”

“It’s just her hand.” Alex snapped. “It’s not like she’s gonna die.”

Kat almost retorted that for “just a hand” injury, he had been acting awfully doting before their cousin showed up. The look he gave her shut her up. Instead, she cleared her throat and went back to looking at Zak.

He was thin for a teenage boy. Lanky. What her twin had already grown into, Zak was still developing. He reminded her of a whimsical character of some childhood book. Magnetizing and grounding at the same time.

“Thank you, Zak.” She flashed him a soft smile. “I love it.”

He placed himself between her and Kaden and grinned. For now, it looked a bit goofy, but she knew he would grow into it rather beautifully. Just like Uncle Feliks, his father, had.

“If he’s giving you any grief, just tell me and I’ll kick him out.” Her cousin promised.

Alex took offense to that and shoved him out of the way.

“You’re the one that’s giving her grief! You’re too damn close.”

“I ‘ m close? You’re practically hovering like a mama bird! You’ve been at her side all night and day and wouldn’t let any of us come in.”

“Khuy.”

“Mudak.”

A third voice erupted the slander. “Am I late to the party?”

Kazimir Pavliv leaned on the frame of her bedroom door. His arms were crossed as he surveyed his cousins. Kat watched with hidden glee as her twin and Zahkar visibly straightened in his presence. Like two little boys trying to win the favor of their favorite superhero.

Her oldest cousin had that effect on people. Considered the golden child, everyone from the family seemingly adored Kazimir. He was tall and handsome with a smile that could induce butterflies the second it was seen. Most just liked him for his superficial attributes.

Not Kat. She had grown up taking note of everything he did so she could be like him one day in spirit. He kept his power under control. Never was the first one to speak, always available to listen. His wit was quick and he kept the calmest in stressful situations. It was admirable.

She watched as he walked in and lifted an orange pill bottle.

“Heard you might be needing these.” He said, giving the bottle a little shake and rattling the contents inside.

“Thanks.” She extended her right hand to grab it, but Kaden was too quick and got to it first.

She almost protested, until he shot her a look. “How were you going to open that?”

He dropped one of the painkillers into his hand and took the glass of water at her nightstand. Giving her the pill first, he waited before handing her the cup. She downed it quickly and handed the glass back.

The rest of the time, the boys took to telling her stories of their relatives and tried to keep her as entertained as possible. The later in the evening it got, the more hushed their voices became as they talked amongst themselves while her eyes shut and she fluttered off to sleep.

The last thing she remembered was Alex’s hand on her forehead and his thumb stroking the bridge of her nose like their mother did to them when she tried to calm them down.

It was the searing pain of her hand that woke her up next. The middle of the night from looking out the window. Moonlight was coming in. Katarina shifted her eyes to Alex as he sat in the chair next to her bed and dozed.

Her twin, who had been protective of her since their parents’ deaths. He hadn’t seen the massacre of their room. She hadn’t let him. Because deep down she knew his continued warmth was from denying him all the gruesome facts.

He would never know how much she wanted to be like him. Able to crack a few jokes and bond with the cousins. She felt like an outsider looking in. Every piece of childhood whimsy was gone. Her soul grieved for its youth back. Instead, she was frozen. Katarina was breathing but she wasn’t living. At sixteen years old she was trying still to go back to who she used to be.

But her hands would always be bloodstained.

[buckybgal]

a new home

tasm!peter parker x reader

summary: peter never thought he’d have purpose again, the universe(s) proved otherwise.

warnings: NWH SPOILERS PROCEED WITH CAUTION. swearing, mentions of violence and character death (if i missed anything feel free to let me know!)

wc: 2.4k

note: if you guys like this i’d love to make headcannons/one shots for this character/little world. let me know your thoughts! also sorry this took forever!

There was one thing Peter always lived with, and always would, and it was the knowledge of his failure to save her. His failure to save his first and only love, his Gwen, was what haunted him every waking hour. His incapability to save the woman he loved nearly killed him but when it didn’t, it filled him with rage. How could he be so foolish to rely on the webs to save her? How could he have let her be there in the first place? The questions tormented him to the point where he fueled his rage into his crime-fighting. Peter stopped pulling punches, he stopped aiming for places that would incapacitate, he didn’t mind if his blows were accidentally fatal. But when the rage subsided a mere few months after Gwen’s death, there was nothing left in him but hollowness. He kept up with his Spiderman duties, his moral code holding him to it and Gwen’s sweet voice in the back of his head, but other than that, he was utterly lost. And it felt like Peter would be that way until he died.

Yet almost a decade later, after he caught MJ that mind-boggling day in an alternate universe, something in him shifted. He couldn’t save his version of MJ, but he saved this Peter’s MJ, and it almost felt like the universe(s) were forgiving him. As if this was his redemption for the thing that he spent his entire life after the fact tormenting himself over. He could almost hear Gwen’s soft voice when he caught MJ, forgiving him, and telling him it was time to forgive himself. He would never forget his inability to save Gwen and how it tore him apart, but Peter got the closure he never thought possible. The chapter of his life that he swore he was lost in forever, was closed.  

And when older Peter, or Peter 2 if you will, told him he could make it work if he just tried, it resounded in him. Like the sign he needed to try to live his life again after Gwen. He wouldn’t forget her,  his first love, but he didn’t have to stay anchored to that trauma. It had been nearly a decade of punishing himself for his incapabilities and his shortcomings, but all the signs pointed to moving forward.  It was like being in this alternate universe finally gave him the chance at a fresh start.

So, when the weird magic man did his spell and sent Peter back to his universe, he felt like a new person, a new Spider-man, a new Peter Parker. One who learned from the other two Peter Parkers and wanted to live a life of his own. And he thought he would have to go searching for that new start, but turns out he fell right into it.

Peter landed with a thud, his flailing arms sweeping papers off of the table in front of him. He was panting heavily, trying to get a grip of his surroundings, (turns out multiversal travel is physically taxing), when he heard a muffled

“What the actual fuck.”.Peter startled at the voice, nearly launching himself onto the table in his surprise. He whipped his head around to find a 20-something girl in the massive arm chair he had landed on, and he was currently sitting in her lap.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry I just –” he stuttered, standing up abruptly, knocking the table backwards in his haste to put as much space between himself and this pretty girl as possible. She stood up slowly, her arms out like she was trying to console a wild animal,

“No it’s okay I just-” She tried to interrupt his rambling.

“I just came back from, well nevermind I-” Peter tried to spit out an explanation for his appearance out of thin air, until his foot caught on the leg of the table, and he tumbled to the floor at her feet.

“Nailed it.” He mumbled, words muffled by the hardwood. She burst into laughter at his clumsiness, but still shoved the big arm chair back and reached over him to turn him on his back, eyes scanning his face for any serious wounds. Her chuckles died down as she scanned him over, like a flip had switched, and when she found him mostly unharmed she met his eyes and gave him a warm smile.

“Looks like physically you just have some minor lacerations and bruises, but your ego on the other hand might be heavily damaged.” Peter laughed at her diagnosis in spite of his confusion, and before he knew it she was pulling him up gently and having him sit in the chair she had just been in.

“Stay right here, I’m going to patch you up.” She hurried around the coffee bar, dodging the beefy barista that stood by and watched the entire ordeal, and then grabbed a massive first aid kit. So another person witnessed his embarrassment? Fantastic.

Peter wasn’t entirely sure why this girl would be helping the guy that literally fell into her lap out of thin air, but he was a little too disoriented to care. She returned just as quickly as she left, armed with gloves and a huge first aid kit. She slipped on the gloves without looking at them, like it was habitual, and her delicate fingers reached out for his chin, but she stopped abruptly,

“Is this okay?” Is it okay if a pretty girl takes care of him? Peter couldn’t see why not, yet he still couldn’t formulate any words so he nodded, attention focused on her face. Her fingers took a firm hold of his chin, and she began dabbing at his wounds. He zoned out then, staring at the crinkle between her eyebrows as she focused on cleaning his wounds, taking in the details of her face. The girl continued her work despite his heavy stare, and he noticed that her movements were calculated, but reflexive, like she’d taken care of vigilante spiders in the past. At the thought he finally found his voice,

“How often do you take care of strange guys who fall into your lap?” This emitted a snort from the girl tending his wounds.

“Well I’d have to say you’re the first in that category, but I’m a medical student at NYU,” she explained, “I’ve taken care of plenty of beaten up guys before.”

“She’s top of her class too!” Kurt interrupted from his spot behind the counter. Another brilliant science student taking care of him? That sounded familiar.

“I’m pleased to know I’m in good hands then.” She gave him a little salute, before refocusing on her task.

“I graduate this year so I better know basic first aid or I’m screwed,” he smiled at her,

“I’m Peter by the way.” Which made her laugh again as she rolled her eyes playfully.

“Everyone knows who you are, Parker.”

“But I don’t know who you are.” He pointed out, she gave him her name, but added

“But my friends and family call me MJ, it’s a childhood nickname.” His eyes nearly popped out of his head, but he was quickly interrupted by her voice again.

“I’d ask you how all of this happened, Spider-man, but I figure we’d need longer than the fifteen or so minutes it will likely take to clean you up.” Peter gave her a nod,

“You’ve got that right.”

“But you can tell me anyway if you’d like.” Peter looked up at her, studying her face at her invitation. She glanced up when she felt him staring at her, a reassuring and sincere smile shooting a jolt through him, like a shot of espresso on a sleepy morning. He wanted to be open, and he had a feeling that she was exactly what he’d been needing. So he told her everything.

While he was finishing up his story, she had, as predicted, already finished getting him cleaned up and was now staring at him intently as he told his story. When he finally stopped talking, she burst out

“I knew that there were alternate universes, based simply on the vastness of our own universe and how much we still don’t understand.” Peter laughed at her enthusiasm.

“See? Crazy right? And I think it's been roughly 24 hours since I left our universe. And if there’s two more of me, that means there’s other versions of you out there too.” The expression on her face was comical at his statement, eyes as wide as saucers and filled with wonder.

“I don’t know whether to be terrified or excited that there are more of me out there.”

“Trust me, I felt the exact same way.” Peter chuckled, finding himself feeling better thanks to this stranger.

“Thank you for listening to me ramble, I really appreciate it.” She beamed up at him, her brilliant smile making his heart warm,

“Anytime Spider-boy, I mean it.”

Eight weeks later, he found himself regularly taking MJ (he still couldn’t believe the odds that that was what she was called) up on her offer. Getting taken care of by the pretty medical student while recounting the tales of his rounds became a little arrangement for them. She insisted she needed the experience, and he wasn’t going to go to the hospital anyways, and her experience was far better than anything his impatience and sparse first-aid kit could do, so the arrangement worked in the favor of both parties. In more ways than medical experience and medical care.

Some days he found her at the coffee shop (he had accidentally memorized her work schedule), and others they found themselves in her apartment. When he’d get to wherever she was, he’d tell her everything while she was fixing him up and they’d spend hours after talking, or he’d even help her study.

He told her about Gwen, about still processing that day in Peter 1’s universe, even crying in her lap when he had nightmares about Gwen falling, everything. On days he didn’t want to talk, she’d tell him about her family, her career goals, about the book she was reading for fun, any tidbit about her life that she thought he’d find intriguing. He found himself falling into this routine with her, this comfort and warmth that he looked forward to every night. It wasn’t like Gwen, the whirlwind, passionate infatuation heightened by the danger surrounding their lives. Maybe he and Gwen would have still been together, but he found himself growing farther and farther away from what-ifs as the days went on. Every day Gwen was becoming more a happy memory, a part of who he had become and not an unresolved nightmare.

But this pretty, quick-witted, medical student barista? She was something else entirely, someone who fit this new Peter. She was something steady, something reliable that he never thought he needed. Dare he say a new home for him and his weary soul. He just hadn’t gotten up the courage to tell her that yet.

Tonight Peter found himself swinging up to MJ’s apartment, not particularly hurt, but desperate to see her. This round of friendly-neighborhood-spidermanning proved to be particularly taxing, sending him down a dark path again.

MJ had a habit of sitting by the window of her little apartment, curled up in her massive arm chair with her head stuck in her notes and a cup of tea. And that’s exactly where he found her when he finally made his way up to her fire escape. She was curled up with her notes, even though it was nearly 2 a.m. and she was mid-yawn when Peter knocked on the window, nearly making the girl dump her scalding tea on herself. She quickly recovered and stood up, pulling the window open

“Peter Benjamin Parker! You scared the ever-loving shit out of me!” She scolded, pulling him inside gently. Before she could swat at his arm he collapsed in her chair, pulling her down into his lap, pulling her close into his chest.

“Pete, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Let me take a look I-”

“No. Just wanna hold you for a minute, is that okay?”

“Yeah Pete that’s just fine.” MJ repositioned herself the best she could in his death grip, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull his face into her. Her hand began running softly through the back of Peter’s hair, causing the tired spider to sigh deeply. It wasn’t the first time he’d just wanted to hold her, and she understood the calming effects of physical contact on a scientific level. Not to mention she loved it herself.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened bubba?” She whispered through a yawn, to which he promptly shook his head no, her yawn pulling one out of him as well.

“Jus’ wanna be with you.” He mumbled into her neck while his eyes remained closed. A giddy smile crossed her lips, God did she love this boy, and he always said things like this that made her melt.

“Okay baby.” The pet name slipped out in her fondness and MJ’s hand halted in his hair at her mistake. She was about to scramble to come up with an excuse, but Peter placed a featherlight kiss on her neck that stole the words off her lips. He titled his head up at her with a sleepy, lovey grin, eyes half open, and whispered

“Thank you my love.” before kissing her gently. She tasted like tea and cinnamon croissants, and Peter knew he would never have enough of her. His new home, his MJ,

“My MJ,” he sighed against her lips, MJ smiled brightly, her fingers coming up to hold his jaw like they did that first night so many months ago. She pecked his lips softly, before cuddling back into his chest. There was still a lot to unpack, a lot to talk about and discuss but they were both exhausted at this point, but MJ had to get one last word in before she drifted off.

“I love you my sweet, stupid boy.” She whispered sleepily.

“And I love you, my sweet, brilliant girl.” Peter whispered back, kissing her neck softly before closing his eyes and letting himself drift off in her arms.

[longtimenospooning-luci]

Namjoon:

Updated 01/14/24

Out of the Woods - @angelicyoongie

Promising Jihyo that you were going to stay away from your writing for one weekend had been easy in theory, but much harder to actually do once you reached the little cabin the woods. To make matters worse, the only thing that rivals your inability to keep promises is your terrible luck – and after a particularly bad choice leads you to get lost in the mountains, you suppose that it’s only karma that you end up face to face with a wolf that looks ready to rip your throat out.

Black Silk - @bangtanfancamp

Mafia Arranged Marriage AU with whipped Joon and cute shy Reader.

Ruin Me - @borathae

He knew that wearing this shirt would be a good idea…

Forever Rain - @ddaenggtan

Being dead isn’t anything exciting. Just a lot of walking the same halls of the same apartment day after day after day. Things change when the new tenant arrives, though. Kim Namjoon isn’t anything you could have expected; not the way he’s so careful and gentle with his plants because he breaks so many other things, not the way his friends joke that he’s psychic because you refuse to let him get in the face one time, and certainly not the way he comes home after literal months spent moving things away from table edges for him and announces that he knows he’s being haunted and he has some questions for you.

Begin Again - @jamaisjoons

It’s been three months since Namjoon broke up with you, so what happens when you’re at a mutual friend’s wedding and he wants you back?

Russian Roulette - @jimlingss

Blanks and a bullet - it will only take one to die and one chance to live.

La Vie en Bonsai - @jungshookz

Selectively Mute MC with cute clumsy neighbor Joon, featuring MC's best friend Yoongi. Fluff overload!

Please Don't Die - @justcallmenikki7

I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.

Needy - ^^

your boyfriends alter ego loves your attention and affection, something that was a little different from Namjoon.

Trust Me - ^^

Namjoon wants you to trust him, because you are the only good thing that has happened to him and he cannot lose you. 

Till Death Do Us Part - @justimajin

Mafia arranged marriage AU featuring Boss Joon and enemy gang heiress MC with a twist!

There Was a Bug - @kimnjss

you and joon have been best friends for years, unexpectedly his feelings start to grow more than platonic. deciding to keep this to him, joon stays as your best friend and roommate. things are going fine, until one night you’re forced to sleep in his room.

Kakistocracy - @kpopfanfictrash

Political Satire AU featuring Senior Aides MC and Joon of the opposing parties.

Secrets - ^^

Spy/assassin AU featuring exes to lovers trope!

Drunk in Love - ^^

Friends to lovers au!

Never Alone - @kpoptart216

Aaaaanngggssstttttt with a fluffy(?) ending

Dangerous Game - @lachimolala7

Bodyguard Joon and Idol MC, super cute F2L

Bonsai - @leefics

where a bonsai plant brings you and your husband closer together.

In Too Deep - @luxekook

you had always grown up being told tales of terrible jobs with tyrannical bosses. but now, you’re left to wonder why you hadn’t heard more tragic stories of all-too-wonderful jobs with all-too-beautiful bosses… did falling for your boss only lead to heartbreak and a two weeks’ notice? or could it yield the possibility of romance?

This Can't Be - @mirahuyooo

Four years and it all came to this. (Absolute fluff, read if you want a pick-me-up)

Come back Home - ^^

Even as a fight ensues, all Namjoon wants is for you to come back home.

Silence - @monochromaticinsignias

Being a famous idol in the country of Korea has pros and cons, and he used to think that there were more of the good ones than those of the latter. Having a loving girl by his side made him all the more happy in spite of the struggles around each and every corner. He can’t be lucky enough. But this time, it looks like as if it’s the other way around.

Edge of Tonight - @park-jimin-isnt-real

A part of him died that night. A larger part died when they couldn’t find you, and over the years whatever was left of him grew cold and hard. It was that ice inside him that got their gang to the top, that gave them power, and money, and all the things a normal mafioso would be more than satisfied with. But none of it meant anything to Namjoon. All Namjoon wanted was you back in his arms. That was the underlying motive in everything he did. For the past ten years, Namjoon built himself an empire, just so he could find the reason his heart beat.

The Bodyguard - @rmnamjoons

Ambassador daughter reader and bodyguard Namjoon in an insane cross-Europe chase with dangerous kidnappers on their heels.

Castaways - ^^

Sassy MC and Joon get washed overboard on a cruise with their mutual friends. Landing ashore an island full of romance.

Embrace - ^^

Cuddly snuggles with best friend Joon that leads to more.

The Truth Untold - ^^

Best friend Joon saving MC from her toxic relationship, leading to a healing new love.

Roomies with Joonie - @sahmfanficbts

Roomies with Joonie Series (PhD candidates KNJ and Y/N)

Ambidextrous - @softlyjiminie

soulmates were a common thing in this world, yours could hear the thoughts in your head. the only way to know when you’ve met him, is to hear that one keyword.

Dangerous Situation after an Argument - @thebangtancloud

exactly what the title says, i love this series, perfect angst!

You're No Longer Alone - ^^

God hears you when you ask him to make you feel less lonely.

Spoils of Fortune (Patreon Exclusive) - @untaemedqueen

Neurosurgeon!Namjoon x Spoiled Brat!Reader, Arranged Marriage, Strangers to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Post Blue - @writtenwhalien

He knows you do it on purpose, getting under his skin with your obstinate attitude and willful ways, but he also knows why — you’re wary of life, and you’re silently calling for someone to make you feel protected from its cruelties.

Guilty - @xjoonchildx (Absolute Fav!!!!!)

as the man at the top, kim namjoon has almost everything he wants. almost. could a familiar face from the past change his future?

Close Call - ^^ Drabble to Guilty

when a noise wakes you in the middle of the night, you find your husband in a bad way.

[moonjvwon]

Honestly, Seungtak is an incredibly inspiring character in terms of dealing with fears and traumas.

While a lot of the things he went through tie into something supernatural that the average person obviously doesn't experience, he's built up in a very realistic and relatable way.

He went through something horrible with his father's death when he was only eight - and he blamed himself for it no less. He even said that adults used to tell him he got his father killed. That accident in itself would be traumatic for any young kid, and he further had to deal with this enormous guilt.

And things weren't great otherwise either. He said he was bullied by other kids; it sounds like a lonely childhood with not many people to support him. Then, of course, add to that his sudden ability to see spirits, which terrified him to the point he would have suicidal thoughts back then. All of that is a whole load of shit to deal with.

And so he developed two main mechanisms to protect himself:

1. Put on a happy-go-lucky facade. His mother observed this very directly, saying he would always put on the act of a bright, happy kid to please her and likely also to try and convince himself he wasn't a lonely, traumatized and terrified child.

2. Ignore things. Like how he trained himself so well to pretend he couldn't see any spirits. If they weren't there, he wouldn't have to face them.

Essentially, that's escapism in textbook form. He spent many years running away from all the things that haunted him because acting like everything was fine would prevent him from having to face his fears and trauma directly.

But you can't run forever, and Seungtak learns this the hard way over the course of the show. But it's incredible how he does it.

He physically cannot see himself performing surgeries and the like because it ties into both his main fears:

1. The spirits. Having them hover over his shoulder, slowly fading away as he's their only hope...? That's terrifying.

2. Having someone die because of him. The inability to save someone and the idea of being respnsible for someone's death haunts him as a result of what happened with his father.

And yet. He tries. For Youngmin, he tries to put all that aside and over those 3 months in these 16 episodes, he slowly but surely conquers his fears.

And it's not a smooth ride either. There are setbacks. When that one patient dies on him in the OR, he goes right back to an old habit: running away. He runs away and locks himself up in an empty apartment because he's fucking terrified and full of guilt and it's all come back to him like when he was eight.

And yet he does not give up. He picks himself up and tries again, continues to make slow steps forward.

And, in the end, he does it. They pull through with the operation on Youngmin and Seungtak finishes it up and essentially saves his life. And it's not just so important because he saves his professor's life but also because this is where he truly conquers the fears that had been burdening him for so long.

He manages to finish a surgery even though the spirit of the person on the table hovers around him. He overcomes his paralysis caused by the possibility of not being able to save that person.

He didn't run from it. He could have. He could have swapped places with Dr. An and let him finish, but Youngmin encouraged him to do it himself and he did.

He saved someone's else's life, but also his own by slowly facing and overcoming these life-altering fears and traumas.

In conclusion? Seungtak is absolutely incredible and I think he can inspire people who also suffered terrible things.

It's never easy to face your worst nightmares, but it's possible and it will enhance your life greatly. Seungtak is a wonderful example.