#learning from a young age to consider things from all angles? to consider all possible contributing factors and outcomes?

[angryjewishcockroach]

It's funny the way antisemites will go on and on and on about us nasty, sneaky Jews and the "loopholes" of our religion that we "exploit" in order to trick G-d or whatever, and meanwhile my dad this morning absolutely delighted in telling me about a Facebook reel he saw asking and answering the question of whether or not you say the bracha after accidentally eating a non-kosher-certified food, the answer being that you should eat another, kosher food directly after so you can still say the bracha without making a mockery.

[lottiesnotebook]

happy thedas weekend!! im sorry but I see Cara Hawke Laidir/Emmrich Volkarin on your list and I just gotta ask 👀 maybe "I want to learn. Teach me." from the sugar and spice prompts?

So this turned out rather more sugar than spice, because it turns out it is actually VERY DIFFICULT to make Cara and Emmrich actually hook up, but I think I have made a Start here, which I hope counts for Something...

Emmrich Volkarin/Cara Hawke-Laidir, age gap, terrible flirting, Cara is a Horrible Brat

@guacamolleee | @thedasweekend

keep a tender distance

“I’ve never seen anyone talk to spirits the way you do.” Cara Laidir’s eyes are wide and guileless as she gazes up from beneath her lashes, which is, to Emmrich, already suspicious. He’s proud of his optimism, his open-hearted faith that there’s good in everyone, mortal and spirit, if only one can reach out to touch it, but something has him unsettled even before she finishes her sentence: “I want to learn. Teach me?”

She finishes with a bat of those shadow-dark lashes, an unnecessary gilding of the lily. Emmrich has never been anything less than a passionate teacher to any student with the slightest interest in spiritcalling or corpse-speaking, but he has, in his day, met plenty of students who’s interest lay in passions more carnal than charnal. From the way Cara flutters her lashes, arches her back so that he cannot miss the shadow between her breasts, darts out her pink tongue to moisten scarlet-painted lip, he suspects she is of that latter kind, and such entanglements have never been to his taste.

For some, he knows, there is allure in that particular kind of forbidden romance, but he’s always found the idea a little sordid, a little tawdry. Pyrite and cheap paste in place of grave gold, a mockery of the art of love, an art he has always held holy.

Still, he does not know his young leader well enough, yet, to know for certain she is being insincere, for all that she seems to flirt more easily than she breathes: leaning close to Neve’s shoulder as she unpicks a ward, clinging to Davrin’s strong arm as they trudge through the filth of the Hossberg Wetlands, flinging herself recklessly through the air to be caught by Lucanis (or, more often, Spite).

They are not, as a rule, a particularly tactile people, in Nevarra, in the Necropolis. Tenderness is reserved for children, lovers, and the dead. He would know — in his youth, he’d recalled hands covering hands in his mother’s kitchen, in his father’s yard, and applied the same technique to helping his classmates with autopsies, with the drawing of runes. Then, he had received only flinches away, only looks of disgust. He has become accustomed, with the wisdom of age, to keeping a careful distance between himself and his students, lest he risk the appearance of impropriety, of lines becoming blurred that he would never consider crossing.

Cara, as a student, is not content with careful distance, with detailed instruction. “I can’t get this gesture right,” she sighs, lips knotting into a thwarted pout. “I think the angle’s wrong. Could you show me again?”

“Of course-” he begins, and raises his arms to demonstrate. She takes it as invitation, or possibly, as an opening he did not mean to leave, and slips herself into the circle of his arms, head tilted up to gaze studiously at the positioning of his fingers. Her hair smells like salt, where it brushes his nose, like the wild, white-capped sea. Like a distant storm, caught on the wind, brushing his skin with the promise of rain.

“Oh,” she breathes, and he can feel her voice reverberate between his own ribs, low and sweet as a beating heart. “It’s like this?”

There is a moment — only a moment — where he forgets what she was meant to be learning, and then she outstretches her hands and positions them an inch or so below. He can tell, from the flex of the tendons in her wrist, that the magic will not flow through her smoothly with the awkward angle of her thumbs. It should be the most natural thing in the world, to cover her hands with his own, to correct the positioning of her fingers and let the magic spark free, untangled from the nerves and sinews of her flesh.

But there is something artificial in the way she gasps and shudders against him, in how she leans into his touch like a tomb-guardian cat demanding her due. Not the desire — in truth, he cannot read her well enough to tell if her attraction is genuine or feigned, a display she thinks he expects of her — but its expression. In her least-guarded moments — in battle, in fear — she is sharp-edged, shattered glass, ruthless in a way he half-recognises.

In her least-guarded moments, she reminds him of Johanna, and perhaps, knowing what he knows of his former love now, that should repulse him. Of course, as it did with Johanna, it fascinates him, the more because even in her most ruthless moments, she does not slide into needless cruelty. She does what she believes is necessary, and then slips back behind her laughing mask of the heartless pirate princess, as if such matters of life and death and apocalypse are far beyond her ken.

For all Emmrich plays the gentleman necromancer, the fastidious, dapper professor, he has always been a spirit-caller, a corpse speaker, a scalpel born to slice through the illusions of this world to the truths hidden at the heart of theFade. And when Cara pouts and bats her lashes and plays the wicked student in need of Teacher’s reprimand, he itches to pull away her illusions, to cut through to the bones of her and reveal whatever her games and her masks and her secrets attempt to conceal from him.

His first attempt is a failure, of course, perhaps because it follows close on the heels of her own mistake. Spite snarls out something that is, in its own way, a joke, and before he can retort, Cara giggles, and Spite preens. That is, in itself, an offence to his pride — that she’d begged him for lessons for a skill that clearly came as naturally to her as breath, and that he’d been blind to her mischief until she herself slipped up.

“You know, my dear,” he murmurs, a note of chastisement creeping into his voice as he hands her over a brook, “if you want something from me, you need not make a game of it. You need only ask.”

She glances over her shoulder at him, expression darkening momentarily to a scowl before she smooths it into a prettier, less-pleasing pout. “Now where would be the fun in that?” she retorts, and dances ahead before he can muster a reply, dark hair flying in the wind, her personal banner of defiance.

That is the puzzle of her, and he admits, reluctantly, the attraction, too — as Johanna hid her softer, more vulnerable heart behind the sharpened edges of her brilliance, Cara conceals her sharpness, yes, but also her heart and its hungers, behind a glittering verneer of fun. A girl who cares for nothing but glittering trinkets and games that mimic love without its pitfalls and heartaches — a girl like that cannot carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. Perhaps her games and her tricks and her petty deceptions are less a mask than a hiding place, one she has carved out in her own mind, her own heart.

He should, he knows, allow her her secrets and her games, but sometimes — sometimes, still, he catches a glimpse of the bones behind her pretty lies, and, ever-true to his nature, he itches to uncover them.

[chaapanya]

Talking Circles: A Human!Cole Study

I've been thinking lately about the way the fandom at large tends to view Cole-- often this infantile version of a young man that, due in part to being neurodivergent coded, is flattened and shaped to fit in these little boxes labeled "innocent", "sweet", "child-like", and "pure", and I cannot for the life of me disagree more.

As a neurodivergent person myself now entering my 30s, I have a more stable standing point to look back at the years of my life spent growing and realize that my autism effected me in ways I thought at the time it wasn't, yet very few of these correlate to how other people perceive autism to work. Especially when it comes to sex and love.

First of all, let me be clear when I say I'm not discrediting anyone else's headcanons. There are multiple versions of Cole, even within both diverging paths, and I'm not here to tell anyone what is "right" or "wrong". What I AM trying to convey is perhaps the changing of viewed angle people often take when trying to understand Cole that may add more depth and perspective to his character.

Though I didn't view Cole as autistic coded at first (I'm not typically one to view anyone with additional tags outside of "human/person" and pronouns), it's a perspective I can respect. That said, Cole is no child. He is a fully grown man unsure how to react in the world he's been placed in (this is a canon description taken straight from Dragon Age: Asunder btw) and due to such, I have taken to comparing him more close to how a robot would learn human emotion rather than how a child would.

He has a sharp mind and as he grows, he even develops his own unique sense of humor. He is absolutely not innocent, sex and love are not foreign concepts to him on a surface level. Why, then, is it so difficult for the fandom to believe that he could grow to learn both of these things on a deeper level?

Neurodivergency, especially autism, is constantly compressed into this immature, child-like outlook even by those within it's own community, and this is something commonly projected onto characters. Cole is no exception despite never being portrayed in any of the media he stars in as being a "sweet baby cinnamon roll that can do no wrong". He can be cruel in his kindness, he can be razor sharp, he can wield himself as a weapon outside of the blade he carries-- it's not so much of a stretch to consider he is capable of true love and lust.

Something common in autistic spectrum individuals is their hyper fixation on sex when first experiencing it. This isn't always the case, but it does happen and is often disregarded because "well of course that's normal in kids with hormones at that time, it has nothing to do with autism." or some other excuse to separate sex from neurodivergency as far as possible for the comfortability of neurotypicals.

I very much believe this would occur in Cole as well. We know Cole is capable of very deep feelings, even if he knows not how to label them with words, and we know from both Asunder and Inquisition that he is capable of having these feelings for other people. Love is not so far outside his emotional capacity scope. He had no interest in sex at that time because he had no one that he loved-- many people on the spectrum also tend to be demisexual, which brings me to my next point.

Asexuality (the common sexuality applied to Cole and other autistic coded characters) is a very broad spectrum, an umbrella term even. Asexuality should absolutely not be flattened into just "ew sex is gross and makes me uncomfortable". Does that exist? Yes, but that is only one type. Demisexuality is huge and often ignored, yet not as much as Greysexuality-- people that feel sexual attraction yet at a much less consistency with varying levels of intensity.

I firmly believe Cole is demisexual if not entirely greysexual. He held no attraction to women, yet was fully capable of acknowledging when someone was pretty or lovely. It seems very, very likely that should he fall in love with one specific person, *that* is when he would experience his first urges of desire-- because there is then connection. His first experience would open doors and sensations to him that he never would have dreamed of. It's not very difficult to merge from there into his hyper fixation on it with the very first ever love of his life.

And who else would Cole find attachment to than his Inquisitor-- someone who constantly looked out for him, constantly asked if he was doing alright, went out of their way to help him, and clearly cared very deeply not just for his life but also his happiness (providing your Inquisitor was kind to him as mine was).

People would argue "But what about Varric and Solas?" and my answer to that would be Cole is already well aware that Varric is in love with another woman and Solas is adamant about not allowing himself the luxury of love (for himself, baggage of his love for the other party). This COULD be applied as well to an Inquisitor that pursued another of the inner circle as well, leading to him and Maryden. Again, Cole is not a child and is hyper aware of other's sensitivities. He would not pursue someone that did not have an open door for him in their heart.

This is also why I dislike Cole x Maryden so much, they simply have no chemistry and were dropped in the story almost as if a knee-jerk after thought. Even Sera and Dagna had more relevance. The entirety of Trespasser, Cole was dappling concern and care over his Inquisitor even with his lover standing right next to him-- Cole and the Inquisitor have a LOT of chemistry and connection, even if its one sided and unrequited.

Regardless, there is probably more I could say on this, but this is all to say that I believe the constant infantilization and flat asexuality of Cole despite his constant growth through Asunder and Inquisition is a loud injustice. He should be given more autonomy to be the grown man that he is and experience all the aspects, both tidy and messy, that life has to offer (provided he was made more human. Spirit Cole is a whole different discussion). It is a deep shame to see very Spirit!Cole coded traits repeatedly pushed onto a Human!Cole that very obviously desires to grow like one.

To quote Varric, he made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt and they heal. We need to let him.

[inquisitoradaar]

1, 3, 4, 13, 14 and 19 for salvaza and virilanna!

OMG YAY!!! salvaza and varilanna time!!!

1.What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

Salvaza: I went into Veilguard basically blind my first time through, so all I knew about Salvaza is I reeeeeally wanted him to be a Crow. And a he/him woman. His backstory has been workshopped over time, but that's really just me filling the gaps more than anything else.

Varilanna: Second time around I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Basically every detail about Varilanna was planned while I was still finishing up with Salvaza. The first thing though was her life before she joined the Grey Wardens.

3. How did you choose their name?

Random name generators for both of them 😭 ... Dragon Age-specific ones, but still. I have retroactively found meaning for both of their names, though!

"Salv-" is in real-world Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese names meaning "saviour", specifically in the context of. Well. Jesus. Obviously that equivalent in-universe would be Andraste, which still makes sense from the religious angle. His name is basically the one thing he remembers from his life before the Crows, since he was brought into House de Riva so young. It means a lot to him, so having Viago call him Rook is kind of like having your younger sibling say you have to call them by their title because they still haven't forgiven you for a massive argument you had a year ago.

Varilanna required a bit more construction work. She's a city elf who only started learning Elvish recently, from Dalish elves who joined the Wardens. When she started her transition she wanted an elven name, something as distant from her upbringing as possible, but she still wanted it to be hers, so she made one up for herself. Varilanna, from var bellanaris - "our eternity". (As for her surname. Not much to be done about that. My explanation for it is that she just picked it out of thin air so she'd have something official to go by, as this was pre-transition.)

4. In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?

Salvaza: Andrastianism ^_^ I must reiterate that the name thing was not intentional. Salvaza's mother was an elf living in the alienage (Veilguard forgot but I remember.) and his father was a human sailor from Rivain who rarely came to Treviso. Then there's the fact that the Crows started as part of the Chantry, and how Salvaza rationalises his assassin duties, which then leads to his belief that all lives are of equal value, including spirits, which... you get the idea.

Varilanna: Tevinter's specific stances on slavery, anti-elf racism, and magic. There is a very good reason why when asked where she's from she just says she "trained in the Anderfels" (not an actual response) (doesn't even say she's FROM the Anderfels) (she spent 17 years in the Torment Nexus).

13. How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Salvaza: Okay so like the actual "canon ending" for Salvaza sucks big time. His boyfriend-to-be dies and then the guy he's in a situationship with uses his own lifeforce to hold up the Fade. And also nobody left on the Veilguard realistically likes him. If we work with that then he just goes back to the Crows and tries to ignore Lucanis. But what if there was a secret plan to just like, let Solas bring down the Veil. I think that would be cool. And also Salvaza would 100% be in an even worse position than the actual canon ending, but! At least the spirits are free. And he has his situationship, I guess.

Varilanna: Haven't finished playing as her yet, so it very much depends on how her ending plays out. Apparently Rook can get stuck in the Fade with Solas? It would be extremely funny if that happened to her while Salvaza ends up alone. Can they switch places please? Anyways if that doesn't happen she'll probably end up settling Harding's affairs before travelling with Taash.

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

Salvaza: His mixed heritage and his beliefs on spirits are sooo important even if he doesn't tell the majority of people about either of these things. Like they inform so much of his worldview, especially considering the plot of Veilguard. Like no shit he doesn't really mind Solas, Salvaza kind of thinks he has a point? Meanwhile his heritage moreso informs his relationships with other people, especially Teia and Viago, who were his only friends for fucking ever. And by the end of the game they're still his only friends. Awesome.

Varilanna: Everything is a self defence mechanism. Everything. Flirting? Self defence. Aggression? Self defence. That time she manipulated the First Warden? Self defence. Never let people know your genuine thoughts or feelings. The second thing is that despite that thing I just said about everything being self defence, she does genuinely like Harding and Taash. Which makes everything even more about self defence actually, because she's horrified by this fact. Girl who is totally normal and has no trauma whatsoever 👍

19. What is your favourite fact about your OC?

Salvaza: He had a very lenient upbringing by Crow standards, so he was allowed to do fun things sometimes. He liked reading things about Warden Brosca and her Crow friend. That combined with how he is essentially Viago's adopted prodigal little sister gave him a very heroically skewed image of the Crows.

Varilanna: Sometimes she uses her magic to set herself on fire just for fun. Or maybe it's the fact that she and Harding fucked once while on the road and they both decided not to mention it but it like very clearly happened and affected their relationship. Varric had no clue.

[cerulean-dreams-18]

TW: mentions of severe child abuse and neglect, depiction of the results of said treatment

Drew my hero and partner Pokemon for blue rescue team! This is my hero, Hiroshi( A Japanese name that means "light".)

Unfortunately her father back in the human world was a massive sack of shit, and she bears scars all over her limbs and back from lashings, as well as a burn scar over her right eye. Additionally, severe neglect and malnutrition caused her to develop MBD (Metabolic Bone Disease), which followed her into the Pokemon world. Basically, it causes her spine and tail to be crooked and kinked, and her left foot and right hand are permanently splayed out at an angle. She's very small and thin for a Cubone her age, especially considering she's a female which I hc are typically heavier than males in most reptile and amphibian-esque Pokemon. Her scales are duller and paler than most Cubone's, and she often gets stuck shed, especially on her limbs, back and tail. Her condition does greatly improve over time, as all the villagers chipped in to make sure she gets plenty of nutritious food, vitamins, ample basking time and rest. Initially Hiroshi is very shy and reserved due to her former abuse, but as time goes on and her confidence grows her true colors start to shine through. She's impish, brave, kind, has a great sense of humour, and loves to play pranks and make jokes. She can't stand any kind of injustice. Hiroshi can also be irresponsible at times and has a tendency to "act first, ask questions later". She's selectively mute, also due to her upbringing, and initially communicated only via sign language. As time went on she found her voice, but still often uses sign language instead of verbal when possible. Gengar sort ends up adopting her after his redemption arc and becomes extremely protective of her after learning her back story. As the years go by, she grows in both confidence as well as size, and ends up becoming this big, healthy, happy girly.

And this is Liana(Named after a type of rain forest vine), her partner!

Liana was orphaned at a young age, so all the Pokemon in her village looked after her. She's a very big, rotund, healthy little lady. Personality wise she's very thoughtful, sweet and intelligent. She prefers to carefully think things through before acting. Liana is very nurturing and often comes off as a mother hen. She definitely makes sure Hiroshi eats plenty, takes all her vitamins, and gets plenty of rest and sunlight. She tends to overthink everything and suffers from anxiety. She's felt lonely most of her life, despite always being well looked-after. Hiroshi was the first Pokemon who really understood her. Liana looks after Hiroshi and prevents her from charging head first into danger, while Hiroshi boots Liana's confidence and courage, and helps her to feel less lonely and anxious. After the events of the post-game, the villagers continue to look out for her, but Gardevoir takes on a strong maternal role towards Liana.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

This exchange is actually really interesting to me because of what it implies:

one thing we learn in retrospect is that Al Bronson knows much more about Blaine's crimes than this, considering that she's Stacey Boss' niece. But obviously she cannot bring up any of those things because it would blow her cover and bring her into some serious danger. Which means she can only name offences she learnt from other sources.

Which still leaves plenty of sources, considering how many people Blaine probably conned and screwed over in his lifetime. But the drug-dealing angle leads me to believe that she's (at least implying) that her source is his criminal record because we know that Blaine has a record there because he had an outstanding warrant in season 2:

the thing is, we know Stacey Boss knew that the cops knew about this because he knew that Blaine was Peyton's informant in season 2 so this is a safe thing for Al to bring up. But - This leaves the Theft.

The thing is, since she's saying this (and considering that Blaine isn't the least bit worried about her knowing this) we also know she has to have this from some safe source. And because we follow the show, we know that it cannot simply be a sentencing that happened after season 2. It must have happened at any point before the Boat Party.

There is also the fact that she mentions "theft" as if it should be clear to Blaine what she is talking about and Blaine seems to know what she is talking about - which means he must assume she is talking about some very specific instance(s?) of theft considering that Blaine really steals a lot of stuff all the time and has presumably done so far quite some time. Guy got some serious sticky fingers. But he seems to think he knows what she's talking about and be unconcerned about it and not see the need to explain more - so he even seems to be fine with her knowing whatever details she knows. He doesn't see a threat.

Now, the likeliest explanation for her being able to safely mention the theft and Blaine seemingly knowing immediately to which theft she is referring is: The source here is also the legal system. This means that whatever theft Blaine accused of/perpetuated/was involved in would also have been documented by law enforcement or the legal system in some shape or form.

Now, in season 2 we learn that Blaine has exactly 1 outstanding warrant - for the drug-dealing. And this means that whatever capacity Blaine was involved in this theft in - is not an open warrant. Which means:

EITHER Blaine was sentenced for this which would means he either actually did jail time before OR he's paid a fine (depending on the degree of theft and if he had even more priors*)

OR Blaine was at least put on trial for this but wasn't sentenced (if there was some form of court hearing, this would make it even safer for Al to know about this)

OR he's cut a deal before and got away the same way

*there is another thing. Because like any normal person, I obviously went back and checked the data sheet that Dale shows Clive in season 2 with Blaine's criminal record. Now, it's actually very carefully arranged to tell us literally as few details as possible but we learn this:

Which means that Blaine was already dealing (and was using the name "DeBeers") at the age of 18. Which is also interesting considering that we know he already had contacts to drug-addicts when he was as young as 11.

[piqueconcentration]

Sonny Boy Retrospective

Originally written 11/27/21

When I was very young and enjoyed things like the Alice in Wonderland remake, I remember I asked my mom what made something (I’m assuming that I asked about movies but for the purpose of whatever this is I’ll say all media, even though that is absolutely not something a child would say) “good.” I asked her because I had noticed that she usually wasn’t very fond of the movies that I liked, which I said were “good,” and I couldn’t really find much value in the old movies that she would talk about. In response, my mom said that she thought the way to tell was if the movie made you feel something. As I was, I took that definition and stored it in the important section of my brain and I’m sure I parroted it off to people who did and did not ask- this was before I recognized my own opinions.

In any case, the divide between knowing what most consider to be objective quality in any media versus just knowing that it made you feel something has become something of great import in my content-addled brain. I can say that a camera angle or shot is really cool or difficult to pull off while secretly holding the knowledge that I watched a video about something mildly related on youtube, and I had miraculously become a connoisseur of film after falling down an internet rabbit hole of people with all their own opinions, presenting them in a carefully crafted or just very loud manner. I can absolutely tell you a fun fact about a script in some movie that is considered “good” by the masses (that absolutely must be above my age- if the piece is popular among my peers, that is a big no-no) that I can’t tell if I actually enjoy or not because of all of the armchair cinema genius I have consumed over the years of lying on my stomach, arms draped over a pillow with a phone in hand.

This is not to say that I have learned nothing from the videos I have watched, in fact I hold a great respect for their creators in all learning domains- it is much more a Disputation on the Power and Efficacy of a young [My Name]- my younger self (but older than in the first paragraph- you get the idea) was due for a bit of a reconstruction in terms of my ability to form my own thoughts about the media that I present to myself. Even now, though I have more faith in my ability to actually know whatever the fuck I’m talking about, if i tried to fully separate my thoughts from the part of me that yearns for pop-culture centric admiration, I would have trouble finding the line between what I know because I know it myself and what I know because it relates to something that someone else said at me. I have not fully rid myself of the epigonic urge.

Anyway, I just finished watching Sonny Boy. As I’m writing this, I’m worried that I may have written more in the introduction than I will have written in this whole-ass thing because the surge of motivation to write after watching will have faded by the time I get to the godforsaken point; the point being: Sonny Boy is really quite good. I could say that the animation is beautiful and the music is powerful and the story is impactful but there are an extraordinary amount of anime like that that I haven’t bothered to watch, and if my goal is to get people to actually watch Sonny Boy and not just put it on their “plan to watch” list to die of neglect, I want to take a different route.

A haiku~

I don’t understand

What the fuck happened at all

But it made me feel.

I will also say that I actually understood the plot more than the friends who watched some of it with me, so there’s that, as well. Another thing: I’m usually not a fan of shows or movies that are incomprehensible- I tend to think that one of the most important challenges of the creation of these things is relaying information to the audience with as few barriers as possible (which, I’m now realizing, is super ironic, considering I’m an American who regularly watches Japanese television in Japanese with English subtitles, not to mention the state of the translation of the show in question, which I’ll get to later), while it may have been one of my favorite shows at the time, it is difficult for me to look back fondly on the last few episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion because I don’t really feel smart enough to either form a satisfying interpretation or piece together the jumbled information, gorgeous as it may be.

Sonny Boy, like many anime, is about high schoolers. The similarities with the other anime that I have seen mostly end there. One day the school is transported- actually, no. I think, honestly, it’s best if you go in blind. The sheer number of concepts -ideas that I hadn’t thought anyone would have the literary courage to expand upon- that are introduced is immense. Each episode feels like, at their least intense, an invitation to look back at your mind and your comfort zone- a philosophical stroll where you can choose how deeply you want to explore the themes through your own level of engagement. At most intense- a stupefying accusation where, in my case, my sentence was to sit in silence for several minutes after the episode ended, mind completely caught up in that painfully perfect outro song.

In all honesty my personal high school experience, externally, wasn’t that bad- there wasn’t really any social hierarchy at my school, I had a lot of good teachers, I found some really wonderful friends; but if I’d had bullies or social trauma or if most people actively disliked me instead of just thinking I was awkward and leaving me alone- I think Sonny Boy would have made me bawl my eyes out (it did get pretty close regardless). I don’t usually cry that often, but if you do, tread with caution.

It’s difficult for me to judge the show by comparing it to others, though, and I think that has something to do with its structure. Each episode is layed out/edited, it seems, not with narrative cohesion or continuity in mind, but with the flow of the emotions that it attempts to evoke. Scenes happen one after the other, but the first may be in the “present” and the next may be a memory, or a shot from the future. Honestly, using the word “present” doesn’t feel quite right because there often isn’t a continual flow at all- past and future and middle occurring side by side in seemingly random order. But it isn’t random. Somehow, I have no idea how, the editors or storyboard artists or whatever -I don’t know how it was made- put the whole thing together without making it feel jarring or really that disorganized, there’s just a shift from perceiving the show as a sequence of events to a strung-together series of feelings where, at the end of the episode, sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn’t.

It has some problems. Usually I can’t really comment (thankfully- I’m conceited enough with scripts in English) on anime scripts and dialogue because I can’t understand Japanese aside from your usual anime and manga phrases/words that are repeated ad nauseum. In this case, I will only say that the official English translation (for the subtitles- the show probably wasn’t popular enough to warrant a dubbed version) is not good when compared to the ones for most other seasonal anime. You can usually tell what the subtitles mean, but it’s a puzzle for the audience, not the creators- words are jumbled up, there are typos and grammatical errors, many phrases are just off enough to make you think about how they were probably translated by someone who just mostly understood English, and by that point there have been two more lines of dialogue.

Also, sometimes the editing does bug me. Maybe I would benefit from a rewatch, but there were definitely a couple times when I got to the end of an episode and just had even less of an idea of what was going on than what is required to get the desired emotional impact.

Sometimes I will read a review of something, and, as a human, I tend to most heavily remember the negative things that were listed, so I’ll say this: I adore this show. It hit me like an emotional truck. It has one of my favorite soundtracks in any piece of media. It has taught me things (not entirely sure what yet, but I’ll figure that out in time- I know that I learned) about the nature of will and familiarity. One of those shows that I will absolutely recommend, but it affected me so much that I might not want to watch it with you.

I don’t know. Maybe it just hit me harder for whatever reason. I realize that a lot of this analysis has just been me writing about my own experiences, but that’s what this show did to me. I was left with not just emotion, but the desire to look back on my own life. It made me actually create something, which, for me, is the ultimate compliment. If you can get this box of raw spaghetti to willingly get up and write, you have achieved more than the majority of my thirteen years of schooling.

It also has the best soundtrack of any I've ever heard.

In short, Sonny Boy was a very fulfilling drug trip of a show. I feel like I’ve undergone a change and had an intensely meaningful experience, but trying to wrap my head around how I got there is too much for me to handle. What I mean to say is that, though its inscrutability may be a deterrent to some, it happened to give me a clearer view of the show as a whole. I can’t tell you exactly why I love it so much, I can’t tell you why it was created or what definitely happened in the story or even what it’s really about, but for me I know, without a doubt in my mind, that it’s “good.”

[jgenvs3000f23]

Unit 1 Blog Post

Describe your current relationship with nature. How has this developed/evolved? Who offered you “a sense of place,” as described in our textbook?

My current relationship with nature is one which has come with many ups and downs over the years. I am a person who is very cautious when it comes to nature, in that I will always check the weather ahead of time, I will have all the resources I need for any area I may be exploring, and I will exercise extra caution in newer environments. We all know that much of nature is beautiful to explore and observe, it provides many essential resources for life, and it is extremely diverse and interesting to study. We also know that while some things may be pretty to look at in nature, they are very dangerous to touch (i.e. poison ivy); resources such as water may be beautiful and a necessity for life, but open water and fast moving streams have proven to be deadly when people are underprepared. The oxymoronic attributes of nature have always intrigued me and largely attributes to my cautious relationship with nature. 

 From a young age, I was always outside whenever possible - be it running around the playground in the centre of the court I lived on, playing in the forest behind my elementary school, or having some winter fun in the snow. While it’s clear I Ioved being outdoors and enjoying the various aspects of nature, there were also many aspects I did not enjoy. As a redhead, I learned very early on some of the dangers nature is capable of, as I cannot remember a summer when I did not receive at least one severe sunburn during the season. This put into perspective to me at a very young age that while nature is beautiful and has so much to offer us, there are also many dangers that must be considered to have safe fun in the great outdoors. This relationship of appreciating nature, while remaining safe has allowed me to enjoy many different landscapes with various dangers in a more careful manner to reduce risks of injury. 

While these sunburns may have begun the development of my relationship with nature, my ‘sense of place’ was discovered around the same time while camping with my family for the first time. During this trip my dad took us all on a small hike alongside a river with a long section of dangerous rapids. At the age of 4, I was seeing these landscapes for the first time, and I remember finding it stunning to look at. Due to my fascination, my dad offered to take me off the trail to get some better views if I promised to be careful. As a typical four year old, I was less than careful, and within 5 minutes, I had found myself unbalanced and falling, at about a 45° angle on the edge of a cliff, staring at a 50 foot fall into rapids. Luckily my dad was behind me and grabbed me by the shirt before I fell. This very close call initially allowed me to appreciate the new and uniqueness of the rapids and make connections to the little streams by my house. I was also then able to learn some of the dangers of different natural processes, showing how easy it is to get hurt without proper precautions. The combination of beauty and danger that nature presents has played a large role when finding my sense of place and has developed my relationship with nature immensely.

[reyesmarconi]

CHARLES + PARENTING.

Charles never planned being a father. He never wanted it. Then again, you can argue he never planned having a future at all — for all his stubborn survivalism, he was pretty sure he’d die young, in any way from a gruesome accident, to a word tossed at the wrong moment, to being collected by a vengeful past-made present. So things like old age and like parenthood were never in his crosshairs. It had to take a sudden, brusque barging of one pregnant Alma Olivier into his life for him to set himself in order and realize he had to make a serious choice over someone’s livelihood that would impact him deeply as well. He made his choice both because he wanted to keep his child, and because he dreaded the possibilities of what would happen to him if he didn’t, and gave him up for adoption instead.

You wouldn’t call him a natural, but you wouldn’t call him completely incompetent or hopeless. Something that’s always been a good quality of Charles is his ability to admit when he has no idea about something and his eagerness to learn how to handle himself at the matter in question. He allowed people to help him, and became a keen observer. He talked to people. He made sure Cael was well fed and clean and comfortable and entertained, reading to him, trying as much as possible to interact with him and letting him interact with others. For a year or two, his life amounted to this, and outside of small exceptions, he became very reclusive.

It affected him mentally: he was always tired and his sleep was troubled; he could fall asleep even standing up, but there was an anxious tic about his breathing that made him snap his eyes open at the slightest sound of a voice or a noise. He had nightmares almost every night about his own father. Cael’s crying, when it happened, threatened to trigger long lost memories of his childhood, and he’d dissociate because of it sometimes right in front of Cael, as the crying ensued. He started to become real overprotective, quietly anxious whenever Cael was out of his sight for long periods and also, guilty about it. The neglect he suffered made him hyperaware of his own faults, some of which weren’t even legitimate when you looked at them.

He made it through this period thanks to a combination of stubbornness and support from others. As the got the hang of things, Charles started to relax, found good outlets and turned more proactive about his fears. Even though he’d always been rather taciturn, Charles was a very honest father when it to expressing his thoughts and emotions. He was generous with his praise, which was notable for its practical angle — he seldom simply congratulated Cael on a good grade, he congratulated him for his dedication to studying. It was very effort and method based, aiming to build a sense of discipline in Cael. If Cael failed at something, he encouraged looking for a different practicing method and involved himself in finding it. For the most part, he allowed Cael to dabble in things his way, stepping in and lending a hand whenever it was needed, and making sure Cael knew it was okay to need it.

Cael was always a bit like him. Maybe a little more than too much, and looked like him, to boot. He was a quiet, calmly curious boy. Polite but reserved around strangers. Charles raised him with a healthy amount of distrust toward strangers, but no fear. He was big on teaching him about consent, respecting it and making others respect his. The moment Cael reached the proper minimum age, Charles also started training him in self-defense, encouraged Cael’s interest in gymnastics, shared his knowledge of various skills he considered important to learn. He invested much of his own life philosophy into his son and thought he’d bear with it just fine, and he was certainly wrong to think that, but at the time he didn’t realize this. Raising Cael to the best of his ability turned out raising Cael to always be on the defense, always double checking people’s intentions. Cael was dealing with topics of grave magnitude at ages other teenagers hadn’t even begun to start maturing. He made Cael hard, made him quite street savvy.  There’s nothing more important than you and your family’s safety, he’d explain to Cael. And that sometimes means hurting people. Sometimes it even means killing people, he added eventually, when Cael was old enough.

The same way some parents shelter their kids to make sure they don’t get so much as a scratch, Charles made Cael almost too aware of people’s ambiguous nature and the world’s cruelty. And in the process, Cael had to give up some of his innocence in exchange. With that, you add his own mental struggles, his illnesses, the expectations set on him, maybe not by his father but by others, about how he should behave, what he should do, how he should think, the problems he must inevitably have simply because he has has father’s blood, the vast amount of things he does not know and simply does not understand about the man because they were never explained to him, and you end up with a young boy with quite the troubled headspace, even if it doesn’t show blatantly.

When you get on the topic of neurodivergence, Cael’s case is quite particular. With his nonverbal tendencies, he was vaguely suspected of being somewhere in the autism spectrum, but this theory wasn’t further explored professionally until later down the line for financial reasons. He had no problems with learning, and eloquently spoke when spoken to, he just lacked that initiative to speak and normally avoided it around strangers the most. Eventually, with some help and therapy, Cael made comfortable progress, though he remained a naturally quiet, introverted person. At the very least that is what Charles considered was the case. When it came to the psychosis, he was diagnosed and began taking proper medication when he was in his late teenage years. Charles was never dismissive of any problems Cael faced, and tried hard to understand them and help him even when he didn’t. He was very willing to listen to his son and third parties opinions, particularly when he knew them or he perceived them as reliable. The whole time, he just wanted his son to be at peace. He tried to always be careful around him, and constantly checked himself for harmful things he could say without noticing.

Charles and Cael’s relationship turns complex as Cael gets older, but they have an understated agreement of sorts of ignoring the elephants in the room — be it Charles’ shortcomings as a father and the things he’s never bothered to explain in depth, like the matter with Cael’s mother, or the other flat out secrets he knows Charles keeps from him. And they work it out that way. Put that static tension aside and they seem to get along just fine, talking about life casually and throwing barb at each other without blinking twice. Despite it all, they deeply love one another, and Charles is still very openly proud of him and supportive, always there for his him whenever he needs it, even if Cael doesn’t have the voice to admit it or won’t by choice.

To this day he’s not once regretted the decision he made, but he has wondered once or twice over the years if it was the right one for Cael. He has wondered if other parents would’ve handled things better, would’ve given him better help and better love. This kind of self-doubt has been a constant through the entire process, dwindling by the year but refusing to leave him altogether. He doubts it ever will.

[serene-victory-77]

Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case? 

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid. 

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events. 

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do. 

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could. 

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass. 

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning. 

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history. 

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones. 

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16. 

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that  his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing. 

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later. 

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

[britishassistant]

I wonder what the supervillains (the dorm leaders) would do if they get switched with their other self in Twisted Wonderland.

They'll meet a younger Yuu calls them senpai and probably get shivers when they hear someone shout Prefect but then realize its Yuu's role in that world.

Bonus would be if Yuuken's there too, sharing the dorm with Yuu.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

I decided to take a little inspo from my Villainous Paranoiac series for this one! Not a whole lot, but the idea of Twisted Wonderland Yuu being put in the infirmary after the events of Chapter Five!

(Also consider it non-canon, since it kinda involves everyone’s identities being exposed!)

Basically imagine that the supervillains find themselves in what looks like a private school infirmary, late at night. The air is buzzing with a strange energy, almost like the powers back in their home world, but...different, somehow.

The room nearly empty, save for one occupant in a cot close to the door.

Poison Queen and King immediately begin bickering over whose fault this mess is, while Royal Flush tries to get them to keep their voices down or else they’ll be detected. Charon is half a minute from going to curl up in a corner, clutching his freeze ray like a lifeline, while Octo Dealer and Snake Charmer are busy inspecting their surroundings for anything of value or that can be requisitioned into a weapon on short notice.

Tsunotaro has wandered over to inspect the sole other living being in the room with them.

He is pleasantly surprised to see what looks like a younger version of the reporter he’s so fond of, fast asleep in the infirmary cot. Their cheeks still retain the last bit of baby fat from childhood, and there’s some acne left that will fade with age. He may give one cheek a gentle poke, just to satisfy his curiosity. The sleepy mumble they let out is a little more high pitched than normal, but that’s the reporter’s voice alright.

He is less pleased to see dark circles under their eyes, or the bandages around their throat that stink of medicinal salves. If this truly is a younger version of his child of man, then why do they look so worried, even in sleep? Why are they injured and sleeping in this place of healing in the first place? They’re a mere child, barely old enough to operate a vehicle or live alone. Their only worries should be trivial things, not whatever is causing this furrow in their brow and hunch in their shoulders.

The other supervillains have begun to migrate over to where Tsunotaro is crouching in silent contemplation. King flips his eyepatch up to get a better look, whistling lowly. Octo Dealer busies himself with refilling their water glass, sneaking glances at them as he places it within easy reach. Snake Charmer pulls their pillow more under their head from where it’s almost slipped off. Poison Queen straightens the arrangement of the very tasteful bouquet on the bedside table, so the flowers’ best angle is shown to the bed’s occupant. Royal Flush carefully tucks their covers in over them.

Charon takes a picture with his tablet.

He forgot to turn off his flash.

Yuu cracks their eyes open...

To see seven adults looming over their bed in masks that resemble the ink from the overblots that haunt the Prefect’s nightmares.

Cue terrified screaming.

Snake Charmer lunges forward instinctively to cover Yuu’s mouth—

It’s only thanks to Poison Queen yanking him back that he doesn’t end up with an arrow in the shoulder.

Several more follow the first one through the window above the prefect’s cot, cold iron sharp and perfectly aimed to seriously maim if the supervillains don’t immediately get away from the screaming teenager. Rook was lax in protecting the Trickster after VDC ended, assuming there was no more danger after Roi du Poison’s overblot was saved. He will not make that mistake again.

The infirmary doors burst open, a younger Yuuken in a sleep-rumpled uniform barging in from where he decided to sleep outside because Ramshackle felt too empty and quiet to bear, but was forbidden from staying in the infirmary himself. He only has a pillow, but he brandishes it at the strange adults, fully willing to defend his dorm mate in whatever way he can.

The vanguard appears in a flurry of bats though, too many to fight off, small and vicious and furious. Their commander materializes in the center if the swarm, hovering over the head of Yuu’s cot, pink eyes brimming with a cold rage that makes his small and cute form look like it’s bursting at the seams holding something much older and angrier back. He opens his mouth, fangs long and glistening—

Only to stop short at the sight of one of the supervillains. “Malleus? Malleus Draconia?”

Tsunotaro nods warily.

“Wh-What in Twisted Wonderland are you wearing??”

Tsunotaro ducks his head like a chastened child. “I could say the same thing.” He mutters sullenly.

From there the lights get turned on, and the seven supervillains are made to explain themselves to the sleep-deprived students and staff who trickle in to see what’s going on. All six dorm leaders and one vice dorm leader vanished from their beds, setting everyone on high alert until news of these...alternate versions spread.

It is very weird for the supervillains to see all their minions as teenagers (again in some cases). It is only surpassed by how weird it is for everyone else to see their dorm heads and vice head all grown up and adult, even if they are dressed weird.

Ortho still wants to shoot them with a beam until they bring back his nii-san. Luckily Charon is able to convince him that Idia should be fine if he’s in Charon’s lair—he’s got plenty of the latest games, manga and tech for him to play with, so that should keep him occupied for a while.

Sebek is in a state of Malleus awe. He has shut down and will not restart. Silver has taken to pinching himself just to make sure this isn’t a Lilia’s cooking induced fever dream, while Lilia himself scolds Tsunotaro that he raised him better than to go around watching people sleep like that! Tsunotaro tries to use the “but I’m a supervillain” excuse, only for Lilia to shoot back “and I’m a war criminal in some nations, what’s your point?”

King is enjoying watching the overgrown lizard get scolded. Now if only the tiny Ruggie would stop asking him what injury the eyepatch is for, and making remarks about how embarrassing it would be if it were totally pointless—King does not pay his adult self so much to put up with this shit. The baby Jack also needs to stop demanding to know if his adult minion self can pull a sled faster than a moose or something...

Jade and Floyd are attempting to wind up the adult Octo Dealer, trying to see how much they can get away with compared with the normal Azul. Octo Dealer is legitimately at a loss as to how this world’s Azul doesn’t keep them in line without letting them turn to a crime or two. Then he learns about Azul’s contract business and feels a pang of commiseration and understanding.

Poison Queen, Royal Flush, and Snake Charmer are unpleasantly shocked when their dorms address them by their respective secret identities in front of their fellow supervillains out of the blue.

Poison Queen has to put up with King’s uncontrolled laughter as he finally understands the full extent of the incident with White Neige so long ago, while Tsunotaro tries to tell him he liked Schoenheit in his role as the evil dragon prince in the GaoGao dramatization. Royal Flush is about two seconds away from throttling Octo Dealer if the bastard doesn’t stop trying to make a deal to guarantee his mother doesn’t learn about her son’s private activities. Snake Charmer’s just glad his civilian identity flies under the radar enough that Charon has to try and look him up to understand who he is (and fails because he’s not on school wifi and his cellular data is bust).

Poison Queen is also getting a headache from Rook rhapsodizing about how his villain form is another, enhanced mode of beauty he is fortunate to lay eyes upon, as if he hadn’t been willing to skewer Poison Queen along with the rest of the supervillains five minutes ago. He’s at least able to amuse himself by letting Epel run away with his speculations about how he’s the buff hyper-masculine muscle for Poison Queen.

Kalim is crying that Jamil had to resort to becoming a villain in his home world! He must be so sad if he has to do that! He’s mildly cheered up when Snake Charmer tells him they work together on schemes, and that Snake Charmer is actually reasonably happy with his chosen vocation—and then he begins panicking that Jamil will like that world so much, he won’t want to come back.

Royal Flush is glad his counterpart at least has good people around to look after him, even if it is odd to have young versions of Trey and Cater trying to mother hen him despite the fact that he’s the older one now. At least Ace and Deuce acting up seems more fitting now considering their age than it ever did on their adult selves.

Ace huffs a sigh and leans on Yuu’s shoulder. “This is a mess, huh Prefect?”

“You said it.” Yuu replies. “I just wanna sleep forever.”

The supervillains go still.

“I’m sorry,” Snake Charmer says carefully. “But isn’t Enma-san the Prefect?”

“No?” Yuuken replies, confused. “Yuu’s the prefect of Ramshackle Dorm. I’m their vice— or would be, if we had any other students apart from them, me, and Grim.”

Octo Dealer laughs, sounding slightly strained. “Ah, apologies, but you see, that isn’t possible. It can’t be. Yuu isn’t—”

“But I am the prefect, Azul-senpai.” Yuu the Prefect says. “I’ve–I’ve always been the prefect.”

There’s a stunned silence.

Royal Flush places his head in his hands. “What the fuck.”

Back in the Supervillain AU universe, Yuu the Reporter sneezes sharply while trying to wrangle five frightened teenagers, one frightened-but-playing-tough twenty year old, and one confused however-old-he-is-but-younger-than-Tsunotaro fae.

They wonder what the chill down their spine is.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 10

WC: 1633

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: anxiety, angst, brief fears of infidelity, discussions of childbearing and marriage/gender roles, psych theories, some manipulation, age difference, brief mention of domestic violence (there is none)

A/N: If you have any questions regarding the tags for this chapter and want to ask me about it before reading please do so! The chapter is not necessarily dark but I understand that some may want me to give a more detailed warning/context. I want all my readers to be as comfortable as possible 💙

🧠

It started out small. He would bring up Dr. Stratton during conversation more and more often. Three times now he had been late to office hours, causing you to have to wait outside his room, nervously checking the time. But it’s nothing, you continue to remind yourself. They’re just good friends that haven’t seen each other in years. And you trust them both.

When another Friday night passed with Laszlo skipping drinks in favor of meeting with Karen, you decided to stay in as well. It had been a month since they reacquainted with one another. In those weeks you had seen less of him outside work. Your sex life was stagnating too, much to your annoyance. He had even canceled at the absolute last minute on a dinner date. Naturally, you had begun to feel a twinge of jealousy at his lack of attention. He kept saying it was work related. Nevertheless, the sullen temperament you'd adopted went unnoticed by the doctor. You felt foolish; you weren’t so needy that you had to make a big deal about it. So you said nothing on the issue.

You sat on the old couch in your apartment. Bitsy was getting ready to go out with Lucius for date night. Picking at your fingers, you decide to ask your roommate for advice. “Hey Bits?”

“Yeah?” she called from her bedroom.

“Can I ask you a question about Lucius?” you start.

“Sure, what’s up?”

You pause as you think of how to word your thoughts. “Do you ever, like, get jealous? When he hangs out with other girls I mean.” Her head pops out of the door frame as she finishes fastening her earring, eyebrows raised in question. “It’s just that Laszlo has been spending a lot of time with Dr. Stratton now that she’s back in town. I trust them and everything, but I’m starting to feel a bit left behind I guess…” you trail off.

“Oh honey, that's normal.” She waves a hand through the air as she speaks. “There’s this girl at the lab that Lucius works with and for the first month I was convinced she was trying to steal him away from me. Turns out she just wanted Marcus, his brother!” Bitsy lets out a cackle.

“Right…” you pick at the skin around your fingernails. “I just feel silly about it. I’m sure I’m overreacting to the whole thing, though. Laszlo would never do anything, and I don’t think Dr. Stratton would either,” you remind yourself outloud. "There's just this thing John said to me about them having a past and I can't get it out of my head."

“It's not silly.” Bitsy had moved further into the bedroom, causing her voice to be slightly muffled. “But if it bothers you that much, talk to him about it. He’s a psychologist, it’s kinda his job to understand emotions and things like this. And if he loves you like you say he does then he’ll put a bit more effort into giving you his attention.”

You marinate on what she’s told you. Bitsy is right, if it bothers you that much then you need to bring it up with him. Be an adult, use communication, and all that. “Why’re you always right and level-headed about everything?”

“Someone’s gotta be, with a hot head like you,” she snarks. Her phone buzzes letting her know her date is downstairs. With a squeeze on the shoulder she bids you goodbye, telling you to let her know if you need anything.

_

The atmosphere in Dr. Stratton’s office felt off. What was usually so open and warm had felt forced and awkward. You were still ignoring the guilt of your jealousy at the doctor. She wasn’t as talkative today, unlike usual. Instead, it was strictly business. You chalked it up to her having an off day.

The two of you discussed in more depth the fetishes and kinks from the list you had compiled. Unfortunately, due to spending less time with your boyfriend the last few weeks you hadn’t had much of an opportunity to try any of the new tricks you were learning about. Therefore, you had little to really talk about in that regard. You found that you didn’t particularly mind, as you were feeling less inclined to want to share about your love life due to your envy towards the woman in question.

Dr. Stratton quietly gathered together her notes from the session and placed them into the folder. You were about to ask if she needed anything else from you when her lips parted before closing again. She leaned forward on her desk towards you. Her fingers steepled under her chin.

She licks her lips. “There is something I wish to discuss with you unrelated to the study.”

You didn’t like where this was going. Dread pooled in your gut at the concerned look on her face. “O-okay.”

“Now I want you to understand that I only bring this up out of concern for your wellbeing and emotional health. But some of the things you have told me over the course of this study have me worried.”

What on earth could you have said that would cause this sort of reaction from her? She was the most calm and collected person you had ever known. To have her speaking out made your heart race in your chest.

She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before opening her mouth again. “In truth I worry about your current relationship. I fear that-”

Brows furrowing, your mind goes to the worst conclusion. You blurt out “what? No! He doesn’t hurt me or anything, I don’t know what would have given you that impression but I- ”

The doctor reaches out with her hand to settle on your forearm. “My dear take a breath, I meant no such thing.”

You take a deep inhale to compose yourself. “Then what are you talking about?”

“Speaking as your friend, and as an alienist, I fear that this boyfriend is potentially using you for your youth,” she begins the tale she concocted, unbeknownst to you. “In my experience as a psychologist, the young women such as yourself that I encounter with significantly older male companions find themselves locked into the relationship. Typically, it is from dependence on money at first. Over time, the male pressures the woman to be compliant in things like marriage and childbearing. I understand how difficult it is for a woman as driven as you to balance your aspirations with relationships and domestic matters. Do you want children?”

Her statement and question take you back. Confusion is written all over your face. Marriage? Children? Neither you nor Laszlo had ever brought up either subject. You didn’t even know if it was something he was interested in. “Wait what? I'm not sure I follow…”

“Men around his age go through an identity crisis in which they begin to become aware of their mortality. A change in priorities. The most common desire is to procreate, to start a family in which to pass on their wisdom is strongest here. Are you prepared to give him children soon? Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother, it is a very noble role. Yet you do not strike me as someone ready for such a large step.”

You can barely form a coherent thought at her onslaught. The whole conversation was so out of the blue that you felt incredibly lost. Did you want children? Did he want children? Now? You wrap your arms around your torso to stave off the uncertainty and anxiety you feel creeping in. No words come to your defense at her interrogation. You are speechless, jaw dropped.

She stands and crosses the room, placing her cool hands on your cheeks. “My dear you are still a child yourself. This is something you need to consider. To… consider the possibility that you can’t give him what he needs. That he may need someone closer to his age with the same priorities, someone more willing to give in to his needs now. I don’t think you’re ready for that. I’ve seen the cost that these girls face. And the societal pressures and judgement you would face being with someone so much older? I think it could throw you into a state similar to after your friend passed. I wouldn’t want to see you in that position again. I want you to have your freedom."

Dr. Stratton looks up at the clock suddenly; “oh! My, I’m going to be late for a meeting, you’ll have to go. I don’t believe we need any more sessions for the study, but I will let you know if anything changes.”

You are too in shock trying to process everything she said to you as she ushers you out of the door with a “think about what I said, dear.” The door shuts behind you.

Karen sat with a huff. She felt a tad guilty for what she had said to you. She had no idea if Laszlo wanted marriage or children, he hadn’t when they were first together. But times change. She hoped that by using the angle of kids and identity crises that she could subtly plant a seed of doubt in your mind. Strike quickly and overwhelmingly, plant the doubt that you weren’t right for him, then push you out before you have the chance to seek answers or reassurance from her. It seemed you bought her false concern as actual worry. You were a great girl. But you were just that - a girl. You couldn’t give Laszlo what he needed, not like she could.

Now she simply had to wait and let your mind eat away at itself, leaving him for the taking.

Tag list

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[palmett-hoes]

i said in this post that i have original characters and backstories for neil's extended family. it took me,, a really long time to write it all down. it's been a full month since the original post, and this is still just a run through of things, not full prose, which i might be interested in doing one day but not anytime soon

now, some things to note about what i'm writing, why, and how. methodology, basically. this might not have come through yet in my posts, because i just don't post about my half-finished ideas, but i research a LOT. i like to base what i write about on real life, even if it's just headcanons and fanfic

also, i love helping people with research, so if anyone wants help with research for a fic or just their personal headcanons or anything hit me up!!

as a white person who wants to write characters from different ethnic backgrounds, i feel i have a responsibility to really do my due diligence and research as much as possible to consider things from every angle. and part of that for me is making sure that every character of color has a backstory. they don't just appear somewhere, i have to give them a reason for being there and a story for how they got there, even if that's not what i write their STORY about. people, come from places, basically. i follow a lot of demographic census information and population averages, as well as a lot of history, from as general as transatlantic trade in the last 500 years to as specific as the changes in a single city in a certain year

talking to other writers in the fandom i know i'm a little overzealous, but this is what gives me peace of mind to feel like i am putting the effort in to get things right

so anyway, as for what that means here:

i like writing neil as mixed black/jewish. it works well thematically for his character, as well as just what FEELS right for how i visualize him in my head

only, that can't simply come from nowhere. we know who his parents are. they need to also be poc for neil to be one, and they're a complicated pair to handle in that lens

one choice i made about that, for multiple reasons, is that everything about neil's parents' backgrounds should mirror each other. it can't simply be that one if them is black and one is jewish, or even that mary is both and nathan is white, because that says something i don't want to say any way you slice it. additionally, i want both facets of his ethnicity to be important to neil, and i feel as though he would want to ignore the half of himself from his father.

so: they both have to be mixed, giving them a sort of,, ideological equal footing, as it were. that way, i can also write three different experiences, rather than accidentally implying that This is what being black is, or This is what being jewish is, or This is what being mixed is. and that's also important to me, even if it's just in my head or not even directly addressed. it's still a big consideration of mine anytime i write about any of them

now, finally, onto mary and nathan! i'll put it below a cut because this is already long enough, the under-the-cut is much longer, and i don't want to wear out your thumbs if you don't care

mary hatford

canon timeline, neil was born in 1988. as a tentative number let's say mary was around 30 when he was born, meaning she would be born in the 50s. say her parents were roughly the same age, so they were born around the 20s

like i said, what's happening where in history is very important to me for building these backstories, and major historical events tend to have a lot of influence on population shifts. and well,, jews and europeans in the early-to-mid 20th century? there's no getting around involving world war II. nothing explicit, but it is mentioned and part of the story

mary’s paternal family are the hatfords. they're from the british west indies, largely jamaica, but they've been involved with shipping and trade all over the trans-atlantic region for generations.

they have a complicated relationship with the british empire, having both worked for them and against them at various points, sometimes both at once. similarly, they've tried multiple times through the generations to relocate the family to england permanently, but have been turned away or pressured out

they associate england and the british empire with power, and they both disagree with and desire that power in degrees which vary person to person. they do have a general idea between them though that living in england is a sign of status and authenticity, and while they don't want to leave jamaica permanently they do want their center of power to be in england, and there is a deep resentment against the anglos for not allowing them to stay permanently despite their wealth and influence, the fact that their work will always be looked down on and seen as lesser

i did come into building the hatfords with the primary idea of them being black british, and looking into the organized crime connection second. them being jamaican/west indies is a reference to the jamaican posse, who have a large presence in the london crime scene, although that's really the only connection. the hatfords aren't really yardies in any sense

the hatfords' status as organized crime is a little iffy. mostly they skirt the line between legal and illegal, owning legal trading companies and doing plenty of legal shipping. their main business in the criminal underworld is being middlemen moving supplies for other groups. they have a lot of contacts, and they serve an invaluable role in international smuggling, but they rarely get their own hands dirty. they move things from one place to the other and don't question too much what it is, though they don't deal in people

mary's father is named samuel hatford (first name in reference to samuel bellamy, the gentleman pirate king of the early 18th century). he was born in England, raised largely in Jamaica, then moved back to England as a teenager/young man. he's light-hearted and a bit idealistic for someone from a crime family, seeing the best in people even when they're cold and often believing in principle over profit, which at times put him in conflict with what's best for business

he almost enlisted in world war II, but instead convinced the family to work as weapons and supplies runners supporting the Allies and guerilla resistance groups

mary's mother is named cima ben nahman (ladino/judeo-spanish/sephardic names, doesn't really reference anything or anyone in particular). She's is an algerian jew. Born in algeria (city undecided, though algiers had the largest jewish community at the time), she moved to france for a few years as a young woman, probably for education. she joined anti-fascist organizations which became resistance groups once germany invaded

she's stoic, and has a ruthless mind for strategy. like most algerian jews, she's caught between her home country and its colonizer. the french empire played the algerian muslim majority against the jewish minority as a way to create infighting and distract the algerians from uniting and turning against them, but the algerian jews also then became reliant on the french for protection. (it's a really, really complicated situation)

cima sort of hates them both, both algeria and france. her only allegiance is to being jewish

(contrast this to samuel, who feels that he is BOTH british and caribbean, even when those two identities may be in conflict)

cima and samuel met when samuel provided weapons and supplies to cima's militia group. he took particular interest in them and went out of his way to help, above and beyond the other groups the hatfords were supplying

in the waning period of the war, cima was seriously injured, i'm currently thinking a land mine accident. she survived, but her recovery was slow. she lost an arm and had burns across half her torso, neck, and face. samuel brought her to england supported her through her recovery. in the hospital, they spoke a lot about why they each chose to fight, and the ways they did because neither were formal soldiers fighting for a country. samuel was in many ways fighting for an ideal, while cima was fighting for her people. cima also talked to him a lot about judaism and religion during this time, which samuel took an interest in. eventually, cima decided to stay

they got married. samuel converted, which was somewhat controversial with his family. however, cima agreed to join the family business, where she became an integral but sometimes ruthless member. after algerian independence, she brought some of her trusted family and community into the fold as well, some moving to england and others to france

both cima and samuel believed very heavily in responsibility, though what it meant for each of them was different. cima believed in preparedness and follow-through, samuel believed in family and protection, doing what's right outside of the bounds of the law. this contributed a lot to how they raised their children

when they were born, mary and stuart were raised in england (and i like to think they have an oldest brother). the hatfords were a big family, and influential, although careful about balancing the legal and less-legal sides of their business. the ben nahmans were smaller, and most of them were in france so mary and her brothers saw them less often. they were raised very religiously and culturally jewish, though close with the caribbean side of their family too, as well as being the first generation who were born and raised in england. this put them at a cross-section of three very different cultures, and was where mary first learned about changing and blending in with different groups

mary was the youngest and a little bit spoiled by her father, aunties, and uncles. her mother however was much less tolerant of her. clearly very affected by her time in the war, cima became extremely distrustful and suspicious, and tried to instill in her children a similar sentiment of secrecy and self-sufficiency, avoiding attention and casual relationships. she could be harsh on them, especially mary, who was the most resistant to this

growing up, mary was irresponsible and fun-loving, goading her brothers and cousins, getting in trouble, and starting fights. she didn't understand the tenuous balance of being organized crime, and at times put the whole family at risk by overestimating their sway. her mistakes affected the whole family but it was usually her mother who confronted her about them first and most harshly

she resented her mother's control, and didn't understand the reasons behind it. she also couldn't differentiate between the boundaries her mother sets as a result of her own trauma, and the necessary boundaries she set for the safety of the family, viewing them as one and the same, and leading her to hate any kind of control exerted over her

really, a lot of cima's character is just who mary ends up becoming after being married to nathan and being on the run. i like the story of a child becoming the parent they once hated. rather than learn from her mother, both her failures and her successes, mary becomes her, doomed to make the same mistakes. this is also why cima is wounded by a landmine, because mary dies in fire

---

nathan wesninski

nathan was HARD to come up with a story for, mostly because,,, WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY WORK FOR THE JAPANESE YAKUZA

wesninski is a VERY polish name. the japanese-polish connection is,, not super strong

so anyway, working off the idea of the wesninski family being a polish jewish one, WHERE is he going to meet a japanese crimelord to get into a multi-generation debt/business arrangement with?

turns out, the answer is brazil

brazil actually has a large jewish population (roughly 10th largest in the world). it began with its colonization by the portuguese, but the 19th century to modern population largely comes from central and eastern europe. brazil ALSO has the largest japanese population outside of japan

also this story ended up being WAY more detailed and prosaic than samuel&cima's story, which is basically just bullet points. there's no reason for this i love both stories very much just for some reason the words flowed for me here and not there

to avoid having a second jewish story where wwII is prominent, the wesninskis get a page out of my own family's book: nathan's grandfather (neil's great grandfather) came to the americas fleeing the russian pograms around the turn of the 20th century

so

Wesninski came to brazil (city undecided, have a lot more research to do about individual cities in brazil). he had waardenburg syndrome(a hereditary genetic condition that can affect eyes and hearing) which runs very strongly in his family (his son, nathan, and neil will all inherit it), and he is completely Deaf. while he came to brazil alone, in his new home he connected both with the local jewish community and the local deaf community, and eventually marries another Deaf Jewish woman

eventually they were able to establish a kosher deli and restaurant in the city, one which became a common hangout for the Deaf community. then one day (probably around 1915), a group of japanese men came in, and kept returning

these were the moriyamas, recently arrived from japan, in a place with very few japanese people and businesses. they liked the wesninski deli because they didn't share a language with anyone in there, couldn't even be heard by most of them, and it would also be difficult for the authorities to question them. two layers of protection for a crime family in a vulnerable place

wesninski and the moriyamas were amicable to each other, but as they didn't actually have a way to communicate that was the extent of it. but the moriyamas were polite and payed well and didn't bother the other customers. als, as a jewish establishment, they had a lot of education resources, which were helpful to the moriyamas in learning about brazilian society, including beginning to understand portuguese

now, in japan, the moriyamas were a small yakuza family. they got driven out by their bigger and stronger and more established competition around the time when japanese immigration to brazil was just starting, so that was where they went. though they had little option in where they ended up, they also had little competition in establishing their business

i still have a lot of research to do about the moriyamas. about both how the yakuza operate and about how brazilian organized crime works, and about life in brazil for early japanese immigrants. so a lot of the moriyama details are pretty vague

now the wesninskis had a son, meyer (nathan's father. name in reference to meyer lansky, famous american jewish mobster of polish descent) who was around 14 when the moriyamas arrived. he himself was not fully deaf like his parents, though was hard of hearing and raised in the Deaf community. as he goes through his rebellious teenage years, well, the gangsters are right there

in the early days the moriyamas were still more concerned with mostly the japanese enclaves, but they had aspirations of expanding. meyer wasn't japanese, but he was helpful to the moriyamas who came into the deli to study. he was perceptive and bold, could keep a secret, knew his way around knives from working in the deli, and knew the city. he was a good asset to them, and he was interested in causing some trouble

over the next ten years or so, meyer got increasingly more involved, alongside the moriyamas becoming increasingly more established throughout the city. he goes from someone who helps out occasionally and relays information beyween parties to getting involved with minor shakedowns, bribery, evidence disposal. by the time he's in his 20s he's thoroughly enmeshed

his parents were older when they had him, and his father died relatively young, leaving meyer the store and his mother to take care of. they were vaguely aware of his connections to the moriyamas and didn't approve of what he did with them but he also kept the worst from them, and was always a diligent son, and the only one they had. he assured them no matter how far he went that he wasn't "really" part of the gang

"yakuza have tattoos, and see, ima? no tattoos. i'm still a good jewish son, not a gangster"

now the problem arises when meyer falls for camara da machado, a young Deaf woman who frequents the store

(based on/inspired by/FC yaya dacosta (where the name comes from) and rutina wesley)

she was a Deaf girl born to a hearing family who struggled to give her the support she needed, maybe even just a single mother, and she'd spent a lot of time alone at the deli from a young age (12-ish?). she was shy and quiet and a little bit of a shrinking violet, but the wesninskis became very fond of her. she started tentatively helping them out around the store which became a job. she was often included in family meals and holidays, and always had a bed in their apartment above the deli if she needed one, and more than once had helped patch meyer up after he got in trouble to hide the extent of it from his parents

she was a couple years younger than him but he'd always been sweet on her. and she'd had a crush on him from basically the moment she'd layed eyes on him. they'd known each for years and camara was basically family, and then one day when they were both in their 20s it just suddenly clicked for them

so meyer and camara fell in love. meyer was head of the house, had to keep the deli running, and had his mother, camara, and possibly camara's mother (undecided at this juncture) to worry about and he decided he didn't want to continue working with the moriyamas in case it dragged his family into danger. being a gangster was a fling of youth and he was ready to grow up

when he informed the moriyamas of this though, they,,, did not agree.

while MEYER might not have considered himself part of the gang, THEY didn't think he just got to walk away. he'd worked with them for too long and knew too much. there might even have been a desire to tie him to the family permanently through marriage. and well,, one man against a growing criminal empire can't do much

it was a huge shock to him, and made him truly realize how naive and reckless he'd been. he'd been a dumb kid who wanted to start some trouble, the moriyamas were career criminals. they expected that once you were in, you were in for life, and they did not take kindly to meyer disagreeing with this

he didn't know how to explain this to his family... so he didn't. they'd all told him they wanted him to stop, but he'd meant for the announcement to be a surprise. after learning that he would not be permitted to walk away, he chose to just hide it and continue with business as usual

it worked for a while, maybe a few years, a time during which the moriyamas were getting a lot more brutal as they got more established and increasingly looked to expand, putting them in competition with other gangs and greater law enforcement, until they were a true crime empire spread across whole regions of the country. meyer had lost a lot of esteem in their eyes by asking to leave, leading them to put him under increasing scrutiny and giving him more incriminating tasks, to ensure that he would be incriminated if he ever tried to turn them in. it's during this time that he first had to kill for them

then camara got pregnant

and meyer was terrified. he didn't know how the moriyamas would deal with a kid. the only marriages and children he knew of within the family were endorsed by the boss, many arranged by him, and he knew his wouldn't be approved. yakuza wives were heavily involved with the business too, and he absolutely did not want that for camara

he broke down and told her everything. she's horrified, and furious that he kept it from her, but she didn't want to give up her baby. it would be hard, but she believed they can keep it hidden, and if the moriyamas found out, maybe it wouln't be so bad?

(spoiler: it would)

they have a son, born natan da machado, under his mother's name

meyer and camara never got married. meyer was going to propose after he left the moriyamas but that obviously didn't happen. marriages were supposed to be blessed by the boss, and meyer never dared to ask. they already lived together, anyway

but with natan, they decided that meyer couldn't acknowledge him as his own. in the deli or in the streets, he didn't acknowledge natan. he was camara's bastard son, and meyer didn't want anything to do with him

it was a flimsy disguise at best. natan was mixed, but there was a strong enough resemblance to his father. even if his hair was a darker red or he had brown skin, they had the same eyes

they tried to keep him away from the moriyamas as he grew up, hoping they wouldn't see him and make the connection, but they also kept him very hidden in general, just in case. he spent a lot of time inside, with his grandmothers

and that was how natan grew up, feeling like a secret, his father cold and distant, only acknowledging him in their apartment. cut off from other kids his age. a hearing boy in a Deaf family (natan himself was HoH but still had most of his hearing. meyer and his maternal grandmother could both hear, but they had gotten out of the habit of it and mostly communicated through sign)

natan developed a deep feeling of resentment towards his father and shame about himself from a young age. he felt like a mistake, defective somehow. so wrong he had to be hidden away from everyone

there's only so long that you can hide a child, though, and when natan was around ten the moriyamas found out about him, and they were not happy.

they didn't like split attention or loyalty. they kept children and family under very tight wraps. they should be one hundred percent enmeshed in the moriyama empire, raised to be loyal and helpful in whatever way they were needed. the fact that meyer wanted and was willing to leave for this family, and then hid his son, was a huge betrayal

still, they gave him an opportunity to prove his loyalty: kill camara or the moriyamas would kill them all: her, natan, meyer, and both their mothers

but meyer couldn't do it, and instead he told camara to run and hope they didn't actually care enough to chase her down. and she did. and she couldn't take natan with her. (i haven't fully fleshed out why yet, currently thinking that meyer was given this ultimatium when they already had natan)

so camara left her son, and got away

i built the story of mary's mother as a reflection of mary's story if something had been different, and i built nathan's story the same way. his wife takes her son and runs away with him when the moriyamas try to take him from her. nathan's mother was in the same situation and left him behind

over the next forty years of his belonging to the moriyamas he gets to marinate in that resentment. from the father that ignored to the mother who ran away from him, he internalizes it as being something wrong with him, not the circumstances. the more he's taught to torture and kill and the more he excels at it, the more this belief gets cemented. he's good at killing, he was meant to kill. he's twisted and broken and wrong inside and he always was and his parents always knew

and then when it happens again but differently this time he throws away a decade and millions of dollars and his standing with his boss to hunt down his son and his wife because he didn't get to run away so why should they? why does mary love nathaniel more than camara loved natan?

from here, the exact detail's of nathan's story aren't quite solidified. whether he was raised by his father from then on or by his grandmothers (or whether his grandmothers left with his mother) or whether the moriyamas put him somewhere else entirely, but from then on he lived under the moriyamas' direct supervision, and they taught him how to turn a knife on a man

they took his mother's name from him, though, so he's natan wesninski, not natan da machado, because they own the wesninskis now

and when the moriyamas decided to expand beyond brazil when natan was a young man instead of a child, and settled on the east coast of the US, they renamed him nathan, because it sounded more "american"

---

so that's it. obviously there are still a lot of unfinished details in both stories, but they're strong enough at this point to stand on their own and i haven't changed or rethought a lot of the major details in a long time

i've become extremely attached to these OCs and their stories, and i hope they interest other people too. some day i'd like to write them out in prose properly, along with the story of nathan and mary meeting, but that'll be a while away considering the pace i move at

so until then i just wanted to put this out there

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hey. I'm INFJ. I want to ask about relationship problems. The relationship in question is between my ESTJ mother and I. Generally, I would describe our relationship as close and loving, but there is a conflict, and that came from our opposite ideology and political beliefs.

I want to say before continuing that we are neither American or European, so our ideology and politics shouldn't be understood from the "western" side of things, though to simplify by comparison, my views could be described as leftist and my mother's as conservative. I should also add that I used to hold her worldview when I was younger, but changed once I was old enough to form an opinion of my own. This caused my mother to imply many times in our discussions that I am "brainwashed" and dismiss me as "too young" and "too ideological". I should add that the latter (ideological) is a valid criticism. Still working on that.

Otherwise, I often tried to persuade, then later find middle ground with her, to no avail. We ended up arguing many times, until we decided to not talk politics with each other anymore. So, what's the problem, you might ask.

Recently, the political climate in my country got intense. Heated, even. I won't go into details, but there are protests again the government by young liberals/leftists-equivalent of my country. Many of my good acquaintances joined the protest. The government used police force against them, and it got violent. There are young unarmed protestors who were teargassed, beaten, and shot with rubber bullets and high velocity water jets. Some protestors were heavily injured. Some protestors were arrested and incarcerated in horrible conditions. My mother and I agreed to not speak about politics, so I said nothing.

Until my mother, right infront of me, with another family member, openly mocked the protestors, made judgments about them based on the goverment's propaganda, called them a nuisance, and implied that they "deserved it". It's not about her discussing it, but it's about how unempathetic she was when she said those things, towards those young people my age, with similar ideology to me, and how apathetic she was when she said that "nothing's going to change anyway". It was the first time that I saw my mother in that angle, the complete lack of humanity in her words. It still haunts me until now.

So my question to you is, how does one deal with that? I love my mother, I think I always will. I also know that she loves me, or at least the part of me that's still her child. But for a moment, I loved her less, and that frightened me. I began to wonder, what would happen one day if we have to actually take sides, because things are getting worse in my country, not better. This adds to other issues I have in my life and made me more depressed. A part of me tells me that I should tell her about how I feel, but how do you tell someone you love that they're one of the reasons for your sadness?

I'm sorry if this is stupid. I'm sure that this feeling I have is one-sided, and I wonder if I'm being selfish or ungrateful. Maybe it's because I'm too sensitive these days, so I thought if I have an outside neutral opinion, it will help illuminate my clouded mind. Thank you. I hope you had a good summer break!

------------------------

The sentence that sticks out at me the most is: "It was the first time that I saw my mother in that angle, the complete lack of humanity in her words." I would argue that the problem doesn't lie with her. In fact, nothing about your mother had changed. She was still the same woman as before she uttered those words. The issue arises from your perception of her and the standards by which you evaluate her.

I follow world affairs very closely, so I think I know which region you are speaking of. One of the biggest problems in the manner that people think and talk about politics is the tendency to stereotype. Stereotyping is basically a form of cognitive oversimplification. It makes your thinking ability fast but also very dull and blunt, unable to understand situations with the nuance and sophistication that is required for good judgment and decision making.

It doesn't matter which country/culture you are from, there is always some variation of "right versus left". Why? Because in every society, there will always exist an underlying tension between those who don't want change and those who do. You may label these two opposing forces as right vs left, conservative vs liberal, regressive vs progressive, etc, but the fact of the matter is that these labels are gross oversimplifications of people's political belief systems.

When you divide people along an oversimplified dichotomy, it's too easy to stereotype them, in terms of believing that all people on each "side" hold all the same beliefs and values. Stereotyping goes along with the natural tendency of humans to be tribal. You start to view those on your side as being intellectually and morally superior to those on the other side. This leads to dehumanization and even demonization of the other side. In essence, you lose the ability to empathize with people, as long as you believe that they aren't on your side or the "right" side.

It seems that your political thinking has become too stark due to how extreme the situation has become. You have the feeling of fighting for your life because of the way that the situation has been handled by authorities, as they are indeed putting people's lives in danger. Your feelings about the situation are completely valid. But you fail to recognize that your mom's feelings about the situation are also valid. Certainly, there are hard-core fundamentalists and extremists out there that you can never reach because their beliefs and values are not based in any form of reason. However, I don't think your mom fits into that category, does she?

Do you know what it means to have no humanity? You are accusing her of something like psychopathy. Is that really true of her? I don't think so. She said: "nothing's going to change anyway". I don't consider this an expression of "apathy", as you assume. This is an expression of hopelessness. In that sentence, there is a real possibility that your mom is sympathetic at heart, but she disagrees that the chaotic actions of the protestors (i.e. the method) will lead to any meaningful change... and she may be absolutely right about that.

You haven't grasped the nuances of your mom's beliefs and values because your mindset has been so hardened by the extreme nature of the political conflict. This means that, when you engage in political discussion with her, you are unable to: 1) acknowledge how she feels, 2) acknowledge that there is some reason/merit/validity behind her beliefs, and 3) be open-minded enough to meet her halfway.

Put another way: If you met someone who wouldn't acknowledge your feelings as valid, dismissed all of your beliefs and values as completely wrong without proper investigation, and only sought to "convert" you, would you want to communicate with them? Probably not. This is the unproductive attitude that you now both bring to the table. This is the divisive attitude that arises when a conflict becomes too polarized and everyone is forced to "choose a side".

Unless one of you learns to listen and communicate more effectively, what will change? You say that you have tried to find middle ground with her but always end up arguing. Not finding middle ground is one thing, but getting caught up in interpersonal drama is a whole other thing. The option to amicably agree to disagree is always available. If you genuinely respect someone and respect their freedom to form their own beliefs, it shouldn't be hard to agree to disagree. Why do you find it so difficult to let her be her? Ultimately, you're not really interested in "middle ground"? You just want her agreement? Getting caught up in arguments all the time, especially on a recurring basis, indicates poor communication skills that stem from a troubling lack of objectivity. The more you argue with the intent to shame/change the other person, the more you push them away from your side, and the more myopic you get in your own beliefs.

You seem to have fallen into the trap of categorizing her into the tribe that you view as the enemy of your tribe, namely, the authorities that are cracking down on you young protestors. You've started to view her as the enemy, now you can't empathize with her, and even accuse her of having no humanity. You now consider yourself morally superior to her. If there is any possibility that she could be your ally, you've slammed the door on it.

You describe a very dire and desperate political situation that affects everyone, BUT, it doesn't affect everyone the same way. Different people have very different ways of dealing with intense emotions like fear, insecurity, grief, despair, helplessness, etc. Due to inferior Fi, ESTJs have extremely low tolerance for intense and uncontrollable emotions. Remember that one's ability to utilize the inferior function is not much better than a young child. If ESTJs can't neutralize or deflect their sense of powerlessness quickly, the burden of the emotions will quickly destroy them. I don't think you've really understood the thought process behind your mom's words and what is really motivating her "apathy".

Just because someone doesn't agree with your methods, doesn't mean that they don't have anything in common with you. Politics isn't just about good vs evil, as in, if you don't stand up for good, then you are evil. Everyone has their own way of looking at the situation because everyone has their own interests to take care of first and foremost, and everyone has their own ideas about the best methods to pursue. This is true for both you and your mom. It is possible to agree on beliefs but disagree on methods. For example, I'm assuming that you care about this cause so deeply because you care about your future. Sure, your ideas about the future differ from hers. But, certainly, you are both interested in securing your future, aren't you?

History has shown us that young people are always more willing to fight for causes because: 1) they would suffer less immediate material loss than the elder generation, 2) they have fewer life responsibilities, obligations, and commitments to take into consideration, and 3) their lack of life experience sometimes makes their thinking too simplistic when visualizing future implications.

Your interests aren't fully aligned with your mom's in this situation, perhaps because you are from different generations. However, this doesn't mean that your interests don't align in other important ways. At the end of the day, your mom is probably deathly afraid of seeing YOU on the news being beaten to a pulp and disappeared by the police, right? And it may be the case that she's passing harsh judgment on the protestors because she's trying to discourage you from meeting their horrible fate? That's hardly lack of humanity.

To be a good critical thinker, you need to learn to be more objective. Objectivity means understanding all aspects of the situation, or as many as you can manage. Objectivity and empathy often go hand-in-hand. You won't be able to empathize well unless you acknowledge that there might be some aspects of the situation that you're not seeing or understanding. When you take more time to get to the bottom of someone's thought process and why they really feel the way they do, you will discover all sorts of openings to influence their political beliefs in a friendly way. But when you can't even acknowledge that the other side might have an important point to be made, because you are so hardened in your stance, you've created a dead end for yourself.

[bigskydreaming]

what are dick's love languages?

Y'know, I do think a lot of the usual suspects do apply here, like he is a tactile person, he does like verbal affirmation of feelings, both giving and receiving.....but one that I see as fairly unique to him, is like, I think trust is one of his love languages in a way that's a little tricky to explain but makes total sense in my head, lol.

I THINK I've written a whole post about that already, it was one where we were talking about Dick having/needing flaws and I was going on about how narrative flaws don't have to be inherently negative, they just need to sow conflict, and one of the examples I raised was that I feel like trust is one of Dick's love languages, and so back in the early years with Bruce, the fact that Bruce seemed to trust Dick so completely, not just in the usual senses but also trust IN Dick to be capable of the things Dick did as Robin, much like his parents had put their faith in him from a very young age, that he was capable of doing all the things he ultimately came to be capable of on the trapeze....like I think that sort of total and complete trust goes hand in hand for Dick, because for as long as he can remember, that and unconditional love were a packaged deal. He never had one without the other, so they were kinda one and the same.

And initially with Bruce, this just got reinforced albeit without either of them realizing it, because Bruce might not have been quick to say I love you or hug Dick, but he demonstrated the same total faith in Dick and what he was capable of that Dick had received from his parents, BUT very rarely anyone else in life, like a marked difference from the way people outside of his two family units treated him. And for a long time, this WORKED for them, but the problem in never realizing what trust meant to each of them and how it could be so similar but yet so different, like.....the problem was, as long as Dick HAD that kinda unconditional faith in him that Bruce showed early on, he didn't NEED the verbal or physical affirmations of affection as much. He had this at least, and it said 'I love you and trust you' in a language Dick unconsciously understood.' But then seemingly take that trust AWAY, such as when Bruce fired him and seemingly had no faith in Dick's skills or competence after years of putting total trust in them, like....even though the issue was never that Bruce stopped loving OR trusting Dick, WITHOUT the verbal and physical cues as to how Bruce felt about Dick, and without the reassurance of longer lasting ties than just his original wardship, suddenly to Dick it might have looked like Bruce literally just DIDN'T care anymore, that for whatever reason, he'd lost Bruce's faith in him, and his love at the same time.

And meanwhile from Bruce's side of things, the issue was always just his fear of losing Dick and letting his own trauma and issues get the best of him and come between them.....BUT in addition, like, assuming trust works as one of Dick's love languages, then for years it'd been quietly existing as a stand-in for all the other more usual displays of affection. But if Bruce didn't realize the significance of Dick knowing that he had someone's total trust or at least faith IN him, not necessarily like that he was right about everything, it isn't like an oh I think this kid never makes a mistake thing, its more a I fully believe that you're capable of overcoming this issue before you and every other one after it kinda thing....

Like, if Bruce never had reason to fully grasp just how much the trust inherent in their partnership as Batman and Robin like, made UP for the lack of other plainly evident displays of how he felt, so that Dick didn't need those things from him that much as long as he had THIS, instead.....

Then of course he'd by extension, just, totally miss that a huge part of the divide between him and Dick was that WITHOUT Bruce knowing to make up for the lack of plainly evident trust between them and compensate for the shake-up there with OTHER kinds of reassurance as to how he felt about him, Dick wasn't JUST reacting to the idea that Bruce no longer trusted his capabilities as Robin and then Nightwing. That it actually went much deeper for him, in ways Dick probably himself has never fully verbalized. That it shook the very foundations of their relationship, and Dick’s confidence that they even HAD one, because the entire relationship had pretty much from the start been ROOTED in that foundational bedrock that was Bruce’s seemingly complete and total faith in Dick and what he was capable of, so reminiscent of what he’d had with his parents, and the first hint he’d had of anything LIKE that with anyone since them, or even the first spark of hope that he ever COULD have something similar to that again. And which again, he DID for a time have.....and he never truly lost it, its just having not prioritized growing other support pillars for their relationship that didn’t revolve around the Batman and Robin partnership, too much of their relationship had rested on that partnership’s existence, had basically NEEDED it, to shore up the gaps in other aspects of their relationship.

And I argue that you can see other instances of this pattern with other characters as well. Like, in complete reversal of Bruce not realizing the disconnect between he and Dick because of their differing love languages, it could easily be posited that this was a problem with Dick and Tim after the Robin thing as well. Because see, if Dick was trying to learn from Bruce's mistakes specifically, to project himself into Tim's shoes and use what Dick knew from his OWN past experiences....Dick would have run into the exact same problem as Bruce, just from the opposite angle. Because see, for as long as Dick has known Tim, he's made supreme efforts to show Tim that he sees him and appreciates him OUTSIDE of Robin just as much as in the mask. He's always made a point to hammer home that his brotherhood with Tim may have originated with Robin, but it was never conditional on it, and in contrast to how reserved Bruce often is with him, Dick made SURE to express his affection for Tim in all kinds of plainly evident ways, for as long as he'd known him.

So then, see, if Dick on some instinctive level pairs unconditional love and trust on equal footing, like he never really has one without the other because all the people he loves are people he trusts with his life, literally, and vice versa.....by the same token that had him once upon a time fear that Bruce no longer loved him, because it seemed Bruce no longer trusted Dick, and in Dick's eyes you couldn't truly have one without the other......THEN the reverse of that, in order to try and make sure that his siblings always KNOW that Dick loves and values them.....Dick tried to always make sure that was a priority.....BUT neglected to consider that love/trust aren't as innately interchangeable for other people as it is for him.

So on a gut level, it might have never really even OCCURRED to him that Tim might see that as Dick no longer trusting in his overall capabilities (even if Dick didn't believe him about Bruce, believing IN someone doesn't actually mean you have to think they're right about every single thought or idea they have, and just because Dick had doubts about that doesn't mean those ever translated for HIM as doubts IN Tim, the person, the brother, what he was capable of, his overall capabilities and competence and heroism).

But like, you see what I mean? Bruce underestimated the impact that seemingly no longer having Bruce's full trust would have on Dick, and not knowing to buttress that shift in their dynamic with compensating displays of his feelings in other love languages that Dick recognized.....he also made Dick doubt he still loved him.

In contrast, and likely in his very attempt TO avoid repeating the same mistake, as HE saw it from HIS eyes....Dick always made sure to express his love for Tim at every possible opportunity.....and so BECAUSE he was so consistent in expressing his feelings there, HE failed to buttress the shift in his dynamic with TIM, and didn't prioritize showing Tim he still trusted him and had faith in him in other ways....because by virtue of how closely Dick links love and trust, it would totally make sense in his mind that well, how could Tim NOT think Dick still has total faith in him, when he had all this evidence that Dick loved and valued him REGARDLESS of Robin and always had? Why would not being Robin take away that trust, when Dick had always made sure to reinforce his faith in Robin with verbal affirmations of loving his little brother?

But like, even though I think his first parents were always affectionate with Dick in a variety of ways, I do think it all goes back to that root, like, FAITH that you have to show in a kid, make a kid BELIEVES he has, on every single level.....in order to learn to do the things Dick did from a very early age. Flying was a family thing, only family could do it, and thus flying, and all the trust that went into making it possible, into helping each other achieve it as a GROUP.....like, it all added up to love, in Dick's experience. There'd never been any NEED for him TO separate the one from the other and mark a distinction. And even when he ended up in Gotham, he and Bruce had issues connecting at first, with them only really gelling once Dick became Robin....at which point, this is when Dick probably started to BELIEVE he could trust this man when he said he cared about him....because he wouldn't be so willing to put his full faith in Dick and what he was capable of, when everyone else Dick encountered had nothing but doubts to show him.....like, in Dick's eyes, Bruce couldn't possibly put the trust he had in their partnership of Batman and Robin if he DIDN'T care, right? Because that's a family thing. That's what that level of intimate trust and faith in each other MEANS, to Dick.

And then when that seemingly went away, Dick floundered, because it ALL seemingly went away at once....you take away the one, you can't possibly still keep the other, that's not how it works. Which is why its so important to him to always make sure everyone else in his family knows just how he feels about them, with words and actions, because that way the heartache he'd felt when he was younger and doubting his place in Bruce's heart would never repeat with them, hopefully....because as long as Dick was showing them his affection at every opportunity, how could they doubt his total trust in them, his family, at the same time?

Anyway, like I said, I definitely think I wrote a whole post about it before so I'm gonna go and try and find that instead of getting into all that here for a second time. Because that's definitely not what I already did. Nope, this was just me making a quick summary of my thoughts on this matter as a placeholder while I went hunting around for that other post that I can reblog so that I don't have to expound on this idea in depth a second time. Since that would be silly of me. So I obviously did not do that. Yeah. So.....anyway.....

[knickynoo]

I loved your recent post about Marty and his ADHD! It was soo spot on. And, I saw in the tags that you mentioned Alex Keaton and how you believe he’s not neurotypical either. Care to elaborate? Do you have any headcanons about neurodivergent™ Alex? I’d love to hear your thoughts! :)

Oh, hey, thank you! Marty having ADHD seems to be one of the most common headcanons in the fandom, so that post was a lot of fun to work on.

As far as Alex goes...yes, I will elaborate, BUT I'm putting it under a cut because ya girl is really going to E L A B O R A T E.

I've mentioned before that I think Alex's overall personality/demeanor comes from a variety of different places. Some parts of who he is are likely caused by all the pressure put on him to be a high achiever, due to being so academically gifted from a young age. Other parts are due to being overly coddled and spoiled by Elyse and Steven. Still, there's probably a part of Alex that genuinely enjoys being difficult and getting a rise out of people. Then, there's the obvious anxiety he struggles with, which even MJF has talked about in some interviews when discussing how he approached playing a guy like Alex.

"Giftedness" & anxiety are already included under the umbrella of neurodiversity but in Alex's case, I actually think there's even more to it than that. Yeah, Alex is a funny character whose actions/words are so often played for laughs. He can also be a really irksome character when he's dishing out the sarcasm and being selfish. But I also can't help but look at Alex and think, This guy is just so not NT and he is struggling, somebody Help Him. And since Alex P. Keaton is one of my favorite characters AND I love to analyze/ do deep dives AND the topic of neurodiversity is a particularly strong interest of mine... well, here you go....

Mans is autistic.

• Difficulty with social cues and "reading the room". Seriously, there are so many instances of everyone around him all being on the same page about something or dealing with something serious, and Alex walks in and just proceeds to miss every single cue people throw his way. Two scenes that pop into my head, in particular, are the Reflective Pajamas one and the Clam Puff one, lol.

• He frequently struggles with putting himself in other people's shoes: Alex is certainly shown to be a compassionate person. He can recognize when people are hurting and will do the right thing, but sometimes he needs some help to get there. It seems that a lot of the time, all he knows is how he feels or thinks about something, and it doesn't occur to him that another person could be experiencing it differently. Then, once Steven, Elyse, Ellen, etc, break the situation down for him and explicitly say things like, Hey, that person's feelings are hurt because... or Here is the exact reason this person is angry... Alex is finally able to connect the dots, which usually leads to him being like, I hadn't ever thought about that/ I didn't mean it. (Of course, there are also times where Alex is just purposely being a jerk, but I'm not focusing on those)

• Specific, intense interests: Politics & economics, obviously. It's made well-known that Alex has been completely fixated on these two areas since he was a toddler. He's prone to enthusiastic, overly detailed discourse on the topics and either doesn't care or can't pick up on when people are growing bored at listening to him.

• Also, can we talk about how it's established that Alex's favorite toy as a little kid was a box? Like, he carried it everywhere, played with it, slept with it, and was devastated when it fell apart. Idk, I know kids can be attached to random objects, but it's just interesting that Alex is noted as having been enamored with a box. I'm just picturing little Alex, ignoring all the toys he has in favor of just sitting and staring at a box, and his parents are like, Yeah, this is normal.

• Highly intelligent, bordering on genius/prodigy (He was doing long-division at like, 3 years old) but has difficulty connecting with peers & making friends: This is most prominently shown in "A, My Name is Alex," where we see glimpses of various events in his childhood. In the scene where Alex meets Greg, we learn that Alex spends recess inside, helping the teacher plan her lessons rather than going out to socialize with his classmates. He's bewildered at Greg's invitation to come play, meaning he likely spent the majority of his childhood on his own due to being considered an outcast by his peers and just generally relating more easily to adults. (He also mentions taking night classes at a local college at age SEVEN. So like. If the long-division story and night class thing are taken to be actual facts of Alex's childhood...we're looking at something similar to hyperlexia/hypernumeracy here. This kid must have been bored out his mind having to sit through elementary school if he was that advanced)

• Very literal at times/ misses sarcasm: Interestingly enough, APK is very fond of being sarcastic but doesn't do so well when he's on the receiving end of it. Someone will make a joke or spin the sarcasm towards him for once, and he'll either just stare blankly like ???? or smile/thank them and they're like, Yeah, that wasn't a compliment, or, I was kidding.

• Black and white/ inflexible thinking: This might be the biggest one. Alex is super concerned with rules and ensuring that everyone is following them correctly. There's right and there's wrong, with no gray areas or middle ground as far as he's concerned. My favorite instance of this is in the episode where the family goes to visit Steven's mother and Rob, Alex's uncle, is telling a story of how Steven got in trouble as a kid for refusing to put his name in the upper right corner of his test papers. Everyone around the table laughs...except for Alex, who is deeply troubled by the information.

Just...Steven's delivery. The way he pauses and stares at Alex before replying with a ridiculous punishment that obviously didn't happen, but Alex shows no signs of being aware of or amused at the joke and is just glad his father faced the consequences of his actions. It's great, and a prime example of Alex's preoccupation with "the rules."

Another good example (& one that crosses into the empathy category as well) is "Big Brother is Watching", where Alex exposes a cheating scandal at school (that involves Mallory) and then can't wrap his mind around why everyone is angry at him when he gets the students who were involved suspended. He spends half the episode saying things like, But cheating is wrong. It's wrong and I told the truth about it. I did what's right. You (Steven) told me to always tell the truth, which I did. WHY PEOPLE ANGRY???

And so Steven has to basically spell it out and be like, You got those students suspended, Alex. They are upset with you because of this. They were exposed publically, which embarrassed them, and people tend to not like being embarrassed.

And Alex is like, Oh.

• Repetitive behavior/movements: Most often seen when Alex is distressed or scared, his mannerisms definitely stand out in many scenes. He paces, taps his foot/bounces his leg, rubs his hands together or over his lap, rocks back and forth, and avoids eye contact. I made a post about this a short while back because it really is interesting (and a testament to how well the character was played). There are moments where Alex is completely confident and "calm", and you can see that reflected in the way he carries himself. But whenever he's upset or anxious, you'll start to notice a variety of the things listed above.

So. Yeah. All these things considered...I headcanon Alex as possibly being autistic?? Which is not a take I've ever seen anyone else mention (and I seriously doubt anyone working on the show had this angle in mind at all) but watching through the series, my radar just goes off when it comes to APK.

I have no idea how this will be received. (If anyone even reads it because wow, this got away from me).

Thanks for the ask. As you may be able to tell, I enjoyed being able to spew out my thoughts.