#like I thought I’d be in a way worse place this birthday not even just a few months ago

[needtotouchsomegrass]

𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 / 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 / 𝟏𝟖+

There’s not much that could defeat Gojo Satoru. Given the fact that he is the strongest. But seeing you - his best friend’s little sister - dancing in a tight dress might be his biggest weakness.

𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 / 𝐠𝐨𝐣𝐨 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 / 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭

“Gojo you need to come too”, that’s where it all had started. You inviting him to your birthday party. The reason for his current suffering. But how could he have possibly declined? He’s known you since you were a little girl building castles in sand.

There you are now, in your little tight dress, surrounded by your friends on the dance floor. The dress perfectly highlighting your body’s curves. From your chest, down your waistline, cupping your ass beautifully.

Gojo sighs. It’s a delightful sight, though it shouldn’t be in the first place. You are still his best friend’s little sister - off limits to him.

“Aren’t you gonna dance”, your brother asks plopping down next to him. “Nah I’m a little sore from hitting the gym earlier today.” What a lame excuse. “Pff that’s never stopped you before. Are you getting old or what ?” Satoru chuckles over his friend’s comment.

“Nah never.” The two of them laugh.

“You know, y/n really insisted on you being here tonight. She wouldn’t shut up about it this entire week leading up to today.” Warmth spreads in Gojo’s chest. You had been mocking him for a life time before you started to show your gratitude towards him.

He had been like a second big brother to you. Someone who stood up for you and made sure you were okay. Needless to say that Gojo was good at doing such things.

“No really man, what’s up? You seem so absent today.”

Shit. Is it that noticeable?

He pulls his eyes off of your hips working from side to side on the dance floor.

“Who’s in your mind”, your brother asks smirking. Your sister. Y/n. The girl I’ve known for all of her life.

“No one. What makes you think that?” His friend shrugs. “I don’t know….you’re not dancing, didn’t make a move on dancing with y/n either. Nor have you talked much tonight.”

Gojo sighs. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired from work.” “Man if you’re afraid y/n might get upset about you having a girl, don’t worry. I think she’s having a thing with that Jeremy guy over there”, he points at a tall blonde guy, who’s dancing close to you. Too close for Satoru’s liking, if he was being honest with himself.

Your brother’s words stung in his chest.

“It’s - I’m not seeing anyone”, he admits. “My my, the gojo isn’t seeing anyone at the moment.”

He shakes his head, annoyed by the mocking tone in his friend’s voice.

“I think I’ll get some fresh air real quick.” His friend nods before joining the others on the dance floor.

Gojo passes them heading out. The sky illuminated by a few stars he stands outside the club, trying to find a way of handling this.

Love is the worst curse of all. Desires even worse. How would he execute that?

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, frustration growing inside him.

What should he do about this matter? About his feelings towards you. His growing boner from looking at you.

“This is so fucked up”, he mutters beneath his breath.

“Hey, are you alright out here”, you say making your way to him. “Oh yeah, just needed to get some air.” You nod. “I thought you were gonna leave, so I wanted to check on you”, you admit nervously playing with your hair.

“Y/n I wouldn’t just leave. I’d let you know. You know.” You nod again. Gojo is quite the straight-forward person. He’d let you know when you look like shit or when to better not bother him.

You frown concerned. Something’s off today. Maybe he’s feeling out of place. He shouldn’t though.

You nudge his arm with your elbow, meeting his blue eyes. You’ve always thought that it’s an insane shade of blue. Beautiful.

“What’s wrong, you don’t seem like yourself today.”

You step in front of him, trying to get him to look at you.

“Satoru?” He sighs.

What’s that expression on his face? Is he alright?

“It’s you”, he mumbles. “What”, you ask not really understanding the meaning of this.

He finally looks up, meeting your gaze.

“It’s you. The reason why I’m acting like this. It’s your fault.” You frown in confusion. This doesn’t make any sense.

“How could this be my fault?” He laughs frustrated. “I like you…..y/n.” Your eyes widen at his confession. “I know I shouldn’t because I’ve see you grow up like your brother himself but I - I can’t stop it. Trust me I tried. It never worked out. I want you.”

He‘s fidgeting with his hands nervously, eyes everywhere else. He’s actually losing it.

You take his hand in yours giving it a soft squeeze, gaining his attention.

“Toru”, you chuckle eyes dropping down to his lips. Your heart beats in your throat making it impossible to speak. “Hm?”

Your hand cups his cheek, feeling that well shaped jaw beneath.

Without giving yourself a second to rethink you pull him into you, your lips meeting his in a wild kiss.

He responses to your moves. Strong hands sliding around your waist, pressing you against his chest. You feel each muscle of his sculptured body - you had seen during summer break - beneath the fabric of his shirt.

His hands squeeze your ass softly, having you moan in his mouth.

Gazes locked both of you try to regain the ability to breathe stable after breaking apart.

Gojo swallows. He had imagined what if would feel like to hold you, kiss you and …..make you his countless of times.

“Maybe we should head somewhere else”, he suggests cheeks flushed.

Could you really get away with this? It’s your birthday after all, your friends and brother came for you.

“I can’t just leave Toru”, you sigh. “I know we - my car’s not far.”

You chuckle by the way he’s fidgeting around nervously.

The two of you head to his car, continuing that make out sesh there.

You’re placed in his lap, hands running through his hair while he’s leaving bruises all over you neck, his waist rolling up to meet yours every now and then.

His eyes wander up and down your body in such ease - taking in the tiniest detail.

“This damn dress”, he whispers more to himself before pushing it up your legs, revealing your black lace underwear.

You blush. This man had seen you growing up but this, this was different. More intimate than anything else the two of you had done.

You push his face away with your palm.

“Stop staring.” He laughs. “I’m not staring, I’m admiring. That’s something else love.”

You try your best to hide the smile on you face.

Within one swift move he has you pressed against his chest, back arched, his finger buried inside you.

“Hmmm that’s alright”, he mumbles against your skin. The sensation of him licking and then sucking your sensitive skin, has you going crazy.

His hard length growing beneath you only worsens your growing desire for more. More of him.

You lean down to his ear. His heart hammering in his chest the same way yours does.

“Toru I need you”, you whisper hearing him swallow at your words.

You grind against him gaining a deep groan coming from his mouth.

You repeat the same move but this time a bit slower. Another groan. You smile enjoying to see him behave like that.

His hands sneak in between the two of you while he’s working his way down your throat and neck again. You gasp feeling his tip brush your entrance.

The two of you lock eyes. If we do this now, there’s no turning back.

You give him a nod, placing a quick kiss on his reddish cheek.

Gojo Lifts your hips for a short second before pushing himself past your wet folds.

Arms wrapped around his neck you pull him close to your chest. “Holy fuck”, you breathe feeling him go deeper and deeper until he’s completely filling you up.

Gojo wipes a tear of your face as he waits for you to adjust to him. Mumbling comforting words.

“You’re doing great love.” You chuckle.

You take a deep breath, the pain having faded, before you start moving your hips up and down his length.

“Ugh fuck”, Gojo moans head leaned against the headrest of the driver’s seat.

His hands cup your ass cheeks, giving them a soft squeeze as you start to go faster.

The air gets thicker around the two of you.

“Toru I ah -“, you moan feeling yourself get closer to your high. A tingling feeling building up in the pit of your stomach each time his length is hitting the spot that’s driving you insane.

Your legs shake at the sudden pressure Gojo is causing on your clit, his thumb rubbing circles on you.

Eyes locked on you, smirk in his plump, red lips, he keeps torturing your other sweet spot.

“Cum for me princess.”

He starts to move his hips upwards in sync to your movements hitting your g-spot while rubbing your clit. It doesn’t take long until that kind of penetration is too much for your body to handle.

You start to tighten around him, legs shaking, as you dig your nails into the skin of his neck.

A groan rumbles through him as he continues to thrust into you. Slow and deep.

Only a few seconds later his head is leaning against your collarbone, his length twitching inside you.

He places a soft kiss on your chest as he holds you close still buried inside you. You run your hands through his hair.

It was just the two of you in that moment.

“We’ll sort things out once we’re more sober”, you laugh gaining a humming “hmm” from him in response.

You smile placing a soft kiss on his temple.

~ the end ~

⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡⟡

𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ♡

[chaosduckies]

Rising Tides (Chapter 3)

Whatttt resurrecting an old mer may fic from three months ago I totally didn’t forget about? Couldn’t be me haha-

But, this is for a very important reason…

Part 1 of 2 of my bday present for @da3dm!!! Happy early birthday 3D!!! :3 I hope you enjoy this because Idk- this was entirely driven by a single scene and I just had to somehow make it lead up to that… But I hope you enjoy it and to everyone who read :3

Word Count: 4.1k

CW: Talk about being a monster, uhhh I think that’s it (if it isn’t please let me know)

3- Nico 

It’s been three days. Three days of not being able to swim. Three days of being taken care of like some pet. Three days of not speaking a single word. 

Three days since I’ve been away from home. 

I was beyond homesick. I missed my parents, I missed my little shell collection I had along some makeshift shelves. I missed exploring the small coral reef right by my house. Why did I have to travel all the way out here in the first place? Just because I wanted to get away from town for a while? This was so much longer than a while. The worst part about it was that my tail wasn’t any closer to being all healed up. I actually think it was getting worse. 

I wasn’t able to get off the little area he had me in. The prison basically. I was scared that if I complained he would just keep me in a worse place. Like his mouth-don’t think about that now. There was also the problem that I wouldn’t be able to swim anywhere if I decided to swim off the mini platform. Maybe just glide over to somewhere, but that’s really it unless I was willing to crawl along the floor. I really want to get off of here though.

The thought stayed in the back of my mind. Honestly it would be worth it just to be outside. Since the giant mer didn’t seem to notice that I was getting tired of being in the same place doing nothing the entire time. Every time he was in the same room as me, I would hide myself in the tall seaweed or under that rock. Did I know he could very easily see me? Yes. Yes I did. Did I fear that he would and could just grab me and eat me at any moment? Only all the time. But he hasn’t. Yet. Which I was grateful for. 

Even if there was nothing to do, I still kept myself busy. I looked around the many, many rocky places, seeing if I could fit in all of the tiny caves. There was only one I couldn’t. Sometimes I’d mess with the big coral pieces and find a place comfortable to lay myself on and just fall asleep. I preferably liked the yellow brain coral since it had so many little branches for me to hang on to. What? I couldn’t swim so I had to figure out a way to entertain myself. 

At the moment, I was wrapped around some of the corals’ branches and laying down, trying to fall asleep. It was midday but I had nothing to do. I could go look for some more of those colorful rocks, but I didn’t really feel like it. At least not right now. I had a pile of them by that rock that I’ve made like a temporary home. I had wondered if I should try and make like a pathway with them, but that was stupid. 

I still had yet to learn the giant mers name. He’s never bothered to tell me, and he hasn’t bothered to ask me either. I didn’t really care though. This would all be over soon. My tail would heal itself up and then I can go back home, tell my parents what happened, and never, ever come out here again. Scratch the plan of living outside the community. Now I know why people stayed inside. 

The giant mer swam into the room, making me immediately try to scramble myself out of the coral I managed to tangle myself up in, only to find that I couldn’t get loose. I was stuck. Upside down, watching as the mer slowly turned my way, squinting. Right. I was hidden behind some of the seaweed. Was that a good thing in this case? I would think so since I didn’t really want him to see me so pathetic. 

I struggled to lift myself back up in the same position, rushing to get out before he sees me, but it was no use. If I tried to move my tail it would only sting me, leaving it burning for a couple seconds. I didn’t want to make my wound worse than it already was. I stole another glance to the mer, who was still trying to find me. I was guessing he used my tail as an indicator, but currently I was in a huge tangled up mess (Thank you me). I doubt he would see me unless he actually tried looking, which he would b doing pretty soon if I don’t get out. 

I already know how he does things. The other day, I was hidden pretty well. My tail behind my back and hidden in one of those tiny cracks in the cave walls. He was just supposed to pass by, but he took a quick glance over at where I was supposed to be, and when he couldn’t find me after searching for a while, he came really, really close and started digging through the place. The only reason he stopped was because I had finally stuck my tail out of the hole, hoping he’d stop digging around everywhere. He did, not saying a single word as he swam off. 

This was a different case though. I knew he’d find me after some searching, but I didn’t want him to laugh at how ridiculous I probably looked right now. I mean, even I thought it was crazy how I even managed to get myself in this situation. He might help after he’s had his share of laughing, and that was something I wasn’t ready for. He might hurt me, or he might just take me somewhere and finish me off. He might see me as weak and incapable of surviving on my own, so he’d just have mercy on me. Please don’t think about that right now…

Just as I had said before, if he couldn’t find me after a while, he’d check. Which was exactly what he was doing right now. I clasped a hand over my mouth when his hand hovered above, lightly pushing some seaweed away and looking closely at the tiny cracks in the wall. What do I do. What do I do. What do I- 

I let out a tiny squeak when his gaze flicked over right to me. My body instinctively started trembling as I tried my hardest to hide my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his large digits move away from the overgrown seaweed, which only made me assume the worst. 

“You’re stuck?” His voice was calmer than usual. I still didn’t give an answer. Even if it meant he’d just be angry at me for it later, I couldn’t answer him. I tried one more time to move my tail to get free on my own before he tried anything, but I winced and jumped when the stinging ran up my spine. Great. This was just great. 

“Stay still for a second.” He had ordered, and I listened. Not moving a single inch except for my entire body trembling as I saw those huge digits reach for me. I would have tried to swim off if I could. Sadly, my tail was not up for the task. I bit the side of my cheek as hard as I could to take my mind off the fact that he was just pinching me, not very lightly, against only two of his fingers and untangling my tail. Not very gently either. The stinging pain ran up my spine again, twice as bad, making me taste blood on the side of my cheek as I bit down even harder to hinder the pain. My arms were pinned to my sides at the moment, not making this any easier. 

As soon as he let go of me, I pushed myself up against the rocky wall, trying to calm my breathing down. Just two fingers and I can die-I shook my head, covering my face again and studying my now-free tail and how nothing that wasn’t already gone was there. 

“You’re welcome.” Was all he said before swimming off outside, leaving me alone. I grabbed a fistful of the sand below me, biting my lower lip, “Thank you…” I muttered, but he didn’t hear.  

———Callum———

I swam fast towards the ship yards, where there were tons of human ships. Some were larger than others, but otherwise they were just a little bigger than one of my hands. The two things they had in common? They were all broken, and they also happened to be homes to some sharks and large fish. The ones I usually proffered to eat. It was okay when I couldn’t find any, since they usually hide in the daytime, but they tasted so good. Since I was one of the bigger mers, I didn’t really need to eat much. Maybe once or twice a week. So, it’s not like these fish are rare or anything. 

Of course it was funny to find the tiny mer tangled up because of his tail, but I wasn’t about to laugh in front of him. I’d bet he was already scared of me finding him like that, and if I laughed that would have made things worse than they already were. He might think I’m some sadistic being. A part of me also felt sorry. It probably hurt him a lot being like that when he was… handicapped. He even tried getting himself out before I could help. Was he really that terrified of me that he’d rather hurt himself than let me offer some kind of help? 

Then again, I haven’t really been all that welcoming. 

It’s been a while since I’ve been around other mers. A couple years. The only one I’ve been around had been Archer but that was only because he kind of took me in as a pup. Otherwise, mers were usually too scared to approach me, and when they do by accident they leave just as soon as they come. It’s not like I don’t want to be around people, it’s just that it’s hard for me to make friends when no one can even stand being anywhere near you. 

I looked around for the fish, but there was no sign. Sighing, I headed back to my cave home. I was surprised the little mer hasn’t tried to escape yet. Sometimes I’d catch him collecting some of the rocks and placing them in a pile, or he’d be crawling around, barely ever moving his tail to push him forward. I didn’t know what he was doing when he was just crawling around. I do remember finding him in one of the tiny cracks in the wall, so maybe he was just messing with those? 

Did I feel bad? Yes. He couldn’t swim. At least not yet. For a human, that’s like not being able to walk. I felt so bad. Even worse because I was just keeping him in that same spot. I would offer to take him outside the cave, but I was afraid something might happen. I couldn’t live with that guilt! Not to mention he was deadly afraid of me. It’s not like I try to be scary. I’m just really… big. Probably intimidating to the little mer. I cared a little bit for the mer, partly because I could have definitely helped him out before his tail was mangled by a shark, but also because I felt incredibly bad. Again, he can’t swim for a while and that’s basically like a human losing their legs. But also because I’m pretty sure his tail will never heal. 

Why I think that? Because it’s been a while, and I’m pretty sure there should’ve been some kind of attempt at swimming, but the little mer still jolts and flinches every time they move their tail awkwardly or something brushes up against it. Which meant they might never be able to swim ever again. I would never wish that upon someone no matter how many times they’ve called me a monster or threatened me. Not being able to do the one thing you were capable of must be heartbreaking. I have no idea if the mer was getting better or not, but I guess all I could keep doing was trying to keep them alive. 

So no matter what this mer thinks of me, I would just have to hope that I was wrong and they can eventually start swimming on their own soon enough. It hurt to see them trying to swim everyday, not getting anywhere and too afraid to leave the little place they were in. I really wouldn’t care if I were being honest. Just as long as they don’t go outside without me they would be fine. I jus offered the rock as a place for him to sleep and stuff. Though, I guess he couldn’t even swim around the place, possibly only glide to one place and crawl along the sand and rocks the rest of the way. 

My eyes turned to the mer, currently hiding in the small patches of seaweed and lying on his back. Maybe I should take him outside for a while? But wouldn’t he be scared of me? I mean, based off of what happened earlier it didn’t look like he wanted to be touched. Well maybe because he’s like an inch tall compared to you. That might be it, but something kept telling me that it wasn’t just that. I guess there was no harm in trying, I mean the worst he could do was just deny my offer. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if I were being honest, but for some reason some part of me really wanted this mer to trust me. 

I didn’t know if that was because I knew what would happen if his tail doesn’t heal up, or because I’ve just been lonely for so long. 

I slowly swam up to his little spot, watching his bright purple tail go underneath the rock he always hides himself in. Again, I wouldn’t just rip it out of the ground, its obvious he doesn’t feel safe without it. I bit the side of my cheek, letting out a sigh. 

“Hey, uh, would you like to go outside? Like, just to see something different?” I reminded myself to keep my voice quiet, watching as he curiously peaked his head out. My eyes widened, but that was quickly replaced with my usual tired look. The mer wiggled himself out of the tight hiding spot. I have no idea how he fits himself in there, but it amazes me. A part of me was shocked that he even willingly swam out. 

He laid on the soft sand, debating his answer, or maybe figuring out how to find his voice, before he finally spoke, “Y-you won’t… hurt me, right?” My normal response would have been to growl since that’s what everyone asks me when they first see me. Just because I’m big and look scary doesn’t mean I’m going to murder you in cold blood. Instead, I shook my head, slowly lowering my hand because I doubt he’d like it if I just grabbed him. No matter how much faster it would’ve been… 

The mer eyed my hand, clutching sand in their fists before crawling cautiously closer. I kept still, just watching carefully as they tried to hoist themselves up but couldn’t. Everytime they tried they winced, looking back at their tail but kept on trying. I was growing impatient, but I also felt sympathy. I mean, this is just another bit of proof that the little guy might never swim again. I sighed, moving my hand away and scaring them. Maybe I should learn their name? Since now they would have to stay longer than we had both initially thought. 

“What’s your name anyways?” I had asked, coming out a little too harsh than I meant it to be. They had moved back away a little bit, though it didn’t really make a difference to me. 

“N-Nico.” He whispered. I barely caught it before smiling in accomplishment, quickly replaced by by usual resting face, “Callum,” I watched him mutter my name under his breath and nod to himself like he was trying to remember it, “I think it’d be faster if I just… grabbed you.” A slight warning that caught Nico off guard. 

I wanted to do this quickly, but sadly I don’t think Nico was up for going fast. So instead, I reached down slowly, hearing a little squeak that almost made me laugh. My finger slipped underneath, raising him up a little and pinching him between my thumb and pointer. He squirmed a bit, trying to push himself out and looked panicked. Was I doing something wrong? Too tight? I loosened my grip, watching him slump and take long, deep breaths. Right I should probably get better at that. 

“Sorry…” I apologized, fixing him in my hand so his arms slumped over my pointer and thumb gently securing him so he wouldn’t slip out while I was swimming. Would this mean I have to swim slower? Probably. I might be a little… strange for Nico though. I mean it was for me all together. I’ve never been around such a small mer, and I was just surprised that he hasn’t screamed out of fear yet. It was obvious that he was having a hard time to bury that fear though. Of me. I winced to myself, giving the little mer time to adjust himself. 

I felt weird. To be near such a small being besides fish and the occasional sharks that pass by the area. I wasn’t at all used to this. I remember when I was a pup I was afraid of Archer since I was incredibly small to him, but I grew used to it pretty fast. If Archer didn’t have someone to help him it might’ve taken me so much more longer. And now I was a lot bigger than him and still growing. There was something wrong with me. 

The sad truth was that I didn’t have someone to help me. I was alone in this, and I have basically zero experience with people, let alone someone so small. I waited a while before Nico squirmed around to make himself comfortable, looking up at me, then immediately turning away. Again, scared. A part of me wished that he wasn’t, but I couldn’t let myself get attached. He’d eventually leave. Whether his tail was healed or not. It’s not like I can just keep him prisoner here, I just wanted to make sure that his tail would be fine enough to let him go back to wherever he lived. Probably a little community somewhere in the coral reef? I had no idea. 

“Is that good?” I looked down so I could see if he nods or not, not expecting a verbal answer, “Y-yeah.” He slumped. Kind of like he just… gave up? I didn’t know how to describe it. I was never good at these kinds of things. 

I slowly swam out, keeping the mer close to my chest and watching as he grew used to the fast currents. It’s been a while since he’s swam huh? I kept swimming out, finally reaching a secluded little spot where a few corals grew and fish swam around. A few swam away at the sight of me, but I didn’t pay attention since I’m sure I screamed “Big, hungry, predator.” I guess they were all true right now, but it’s not like I can’t go hunt for myself. There were a few fish I could go find, but I didn’t want to leave Nico by himself. 

“I didn’t know what you wanted to see. But if you have an idea I can take you there.” I offered, earning a shocked, yet ecstatic face from the smaller mer. I laid myself along a large rock, resting my head on my arms and opening up my hand for the mer to do whatever he was so excited about. I’m pretty sure they knew better to go off on their own after what happened with the sharks couple of days ago. 

Nico started pushing himself off with his tail, wincing every time he moved it but kept on going, his excitement driving him and very slowly and weakly swimming around in the water. I don’t think I should be letting him use his tail since he might make his condition worse, but I told myself that he needed this. He looked so happy. Almost like he had completely forgotten that I was there. But why would I care so much? It’s not like he’d be any different than any of the other mers that meet me. I save them, they call me a monster and run away. Sometimes plead me not to eat them. It left a disgusting taste in my mouth how they had always thought that I would eat another mer. I was one too. I frowned, a little sad but dug my head into my arms, resting my eyes. 

I didn’t know how long Nico kept himself occupied. Every once in a while I would look up and find him looking in small nooks and crannies for something. I didn’t particularly care though, as long as he didn’t feel trapped like he probably has been- I haven’t really been the best caretaker, but hey, he’s alive isn’t he? 

I knew the sun was setting, but every single time I looked up to make sure that the tiny mer was fine, he just looked all giggly and happy. Like he was before this huge mess happened. If it weren’t for that shark. I noticed a small pile of different colored shells where Nico was. So did he just like collecting shells? I mean it would explain why he was even way out here in the first place. Why didn’t he just look around the community he lived in? It seemed like a waste of time. But I guess he just wanted to attempt to find something new. 

I dug my head back into my arms, slightly groaning from not having eaten anything today, and partly because I was extremely exhausted. From what? I had no idea. Right now I wanted nothing more than to just go back to my cave and sleep. But of course I couldn’t just bring myself to grab Nico and force him back right where he was. I sighed, resting my eyes once again before my ears pricked up at a very quiet and small voice. 

Slightly turning my head, I saw the little more struggle to push himself closer to me, dragging something that was about as big as he was behind him. My eyed widened as he stopped for a split second, either scared, or just taking a break from moving such a large thing to him. Or both. I didn’t say a word as I noticed him shudder, trembling but kept moving closer to me and eventually stopping, dragging whatever he was carrying in front of him. I squinted my eyes to see what it was without getting too close since Nico seemed to have a set distance away from me. 

“U-Um… th-thank you.” He held up the bright blue shell that was almost as big as he was up. My eyes widened in shock. Was he… giving something to me? Thanking me too? I was confused of course, no one’s ever given me anything before besides Archer, so this was definitely new. My heart fell at the gesture, noticing how they struggled to keep the bright blue shell up. I smiled, slowly bringing my hand closer and helping him hold it up. I will say he was startled, but let out a sigh of relief. He probably thought that I was going to hurt him, but that was already expected if I were being honest. But… still. It felt nice to be given a gift. Or to even hear the words “thank you.” 

I laughed, seeing a small and shy smile appear on Nico’s face before grabbing two shells that were about the size of his tiny palms. “We… we can go now. I-I know you only stayed f-f-or me.” He stuttered, seeming a little embarrassed at the fact. I lifted my body up, pinching the shell he had given me and my free hand wrapping two fingers around his tiny and minuscule frame. 

I started swimming back, making sure he couldn’t see me smile as I held the tiny shell he had given me close. Such a strange little mer… 

——————

Hope you enjoyed part 1 of your gift 3D!! :D Happy early birthday again :3

Thank you all for reading this very forgotten fic- I will try my best to keep up with it if ya’ll really want me to. But thank you all again!

[acciocriativity]

The cat and the fox I - PSH & JWY - TCTF SERIES

Pictures aren't mine, credits to the rightful owner

Pairing: hybridcat!seonghwa x reader x hybridfox!wooyoung (non-romantic)

Genre: fluff

Warnings/tags: mentions of blood and injuries; hybrid cat; hybrid fox

N/A: I'm late, but here it is the part 1 of the fic I planned for Seonghwa's birthday!

WC: 2,1 k

Ateez Masterlist

The Cat and The Fox II

The Cat and The Fox III

I never even considered adopting nor fostering a cat in all the 25 years of my life, so why do I have a gray cat laid down on my couch, licking his fur without any worry in the world, as if that was his rightful place since the start?

I just had a simple wish, to get home as fast as possible, take a shower and then sleep for at the very least 3 hours, but that seemed like a lot to ask. My living room was a mess. My rugs out of place, all of my decorations, cushions and photo-frames were on the floor, the latter ones were broken and there was glass all scattered on the floor and… blood? Yes. Drops of blood leaving the living room to the kitchen. I was paralyzed by the door, my jaw on the floor. Then I saw it, the window by my work table was open and all of my notebooks and computer were untouched, but I couldn’t say the same for my papers, the small pile scattered on the floor as the cherry on top.

I let the door open, just in case I’d need to run out. It could be a fox, a raccoon or worse. I walked through the living room, but I couldn’t hear a thing besides my own heart ringing in my ears. 

I wasn’t a monster, of course I like most animals and would never wish for something to hurt them on purpose, but if I had to choose, please, can it be gone or dead just this once? Maybe it wasn’t even here anymore, which would be the best I could get out of this, but what are the chances? There was only a single way out, the window. 

As I made my way to the kitchen, following the blood, I heard a screech, then a meow? A cat meowing? Then, something gray ran through my legs, while a red thing ran after it, or so I thought, but the red animal ran to the opposite direction, while the gray animal hid itself under the couch. I caught sight of a blurry red fluffy tail leaving through the open door, it was a fox, a bleeding one, as I saw the drops it left on my floor.

I ran to close the door and looked through the peephole, the fox was gone, then I heard another meow, softer and lower this time. The gray cat had only its head out, looking to the door and then to me. I stayed still as he kept staring, judging, something I expect of all cats, but then he hid again as I took a step closer.

Clearly, I didn’t pass the vibe check.

“Yo-”, I took a deep breath. “Ok, I get that you’re scared, just stay there, ok? I’ll clean this mess.”

I tried to be fast, not only because I wanted to be done as soon as possible, but also the cat could get out and hurt itself, if it wasn’t hurt in the first place already. The first step was to clean the glass the best I could - I knew I would find little glass pieces for the rest of the week in the most random places. The second step was way faster, to organize the living room and put the trash outside. The blood was the real nightmare, and I didn’t even consider getting rid of it all at that point. The little stain on the carpet would remind me constantly of what happened that day. 

While I rushed to one side of the house to the other, I kept an eye on the couch, yet I didn’t see it or its head at all. Was the cat that scared and overwhelmed? Maybe it was truly hurt, the fox chased it after all.

I looked at the couch and debated being a complete asshole for a moment. I could just take my shower and go to sleep, right? But what if it was true injured, and it gets worse because I wasn’t fast enough? The cat could take its sweet time destroying everything too. I didn’t wait another second to get my first-aid kit.

“Kitty?”, I said as I took a seat, one foot away from the couch.

I laid down on the ground to take a look under it, just to make sure it was still there, and it was. At the very back of the couch, I could barely see anything beside its shape, its head laid on one paw, the other one was hidden, and its brownish eyes looking at me. The cat glued on the wall, and it didn’t seem excited to leave it anytime soon. 

“You are hurt, aren’t you? It must hurt a lot, right?”, I whispered as I laid my head on my right arm, still laid on the ground, almost at the same position the cat was.

It meowed as it followed all of my movements. 

“Yeah, I’d love to know if that was a yes or a no.”

I pulled the aid kit to my side, in front of the couch. “Look, I want to help you, can you please not bite me?”, I asked as I reached for it under the couch to try and give my hands for him to sniff. 

I closed my eyes, ready for the inevitable, yet I didn’t come, but it also didn’t sniff me. “Hey, I’m trying to be friendly here, isn’t that how people do?”, I said as I took my hand away. 

I looked under the couch again, the cat was in the same position. 

“Okay, this isn’t going to work…”, I reached further under the couch until I could feel his fur. 

I heard the scared meows and waited for the worst, but the cat stayed still and let me pull it out without much fight, for my own surprise. I let my hands open and light, so I wouldn’t hurt it. The poor thing was paralyzed in my hand and looked at me with the same fear I looked at him with. 

I got up and sat on the floor, slow, to not scare him more than I already did. I didn’t know what to do for a moment as we just look at each other. If this cat was a person, this would classify as one of the most awkward moment of my life. He ended up on my lap.

 “It’s okay, kitty. I won’t hurt you”, I said, as I let my right hand in front of him to sniff on his own time. 

He was hesitant to even get close to my hand, body stiff while I held him with my left hand, but as soon as he realized I wouldn’t move, he took a step to finally sniff me, and when he was finished, sat on my thighs and I released him, more confident that he wouldn’t immediately run to hide again.

I blinked the sleepiness away and took my time to search for any visible injures without touching him more than necessary. His paws were still hid under his body the whole time, and my best guess was he still was too hesitant of me to be 100% comfortable. He wasn’t wearing a collar, and I couldn’t even imagine what he went through alone in the streets to be this scared, but the weird thing it’s he wasn’t seriously injured as far as I could see.

“Did that fox chased after you and you scared him away, kitty?”, I said as I petted him slowly on his head.

He meowed and purred nonstop, and I didn’t dare to stop for a single moment. I realized he started to lean his head on my hands, his eyes were closed, and his body laid on my stomach. 

“A cuddly one, I see”, I smiled as I looked down on him. “I’m almost about to forgive you for that mess you left me earlier”. 

I couldn’t help, but think he was adorable. He moved his head constantly to find the exact spot he wanted me to scratch and as soon as I found it, that specific spot behind his ears, I felt his body melt on mine once for all. 

I don’t even remember how long I stayed like that, but my wrist already hurt, and my eyes were too heavy to keep them open. The purring sounded calming for some reason, and I felt the stress leaving me as time went by, but I had to stop, and he didn’t like that one bit. 

“I can pet you later”, I said as I walked to my bedroom. 

I thought he would be happy in the living room, or he would be back to hide under the couch, but he followed me around to my room, to the kitchen, to the bathroom - and he even threw a little tantrum when I closed the door and didn’t let him in, he scratched the door, but stopped as soon as I turn the water on. 

Is that even the same cat that hid under my couch? He must have an owner then, because there's no way a cat is this friendly and trusting to strangers and lived on the streets for long. He must have lost his way home being chased by that fox or something like that, but then he had to have a collar. Maybe someone stole it? No, there's no way someone is that cruel and dead inside. 

I saw him sitting by the doorstep of my room, right in front of the bathroom, with those big bright brown eyes shining looking up at me. My heart melted as I picked him up, again, with a lot of care, but he snuggled in my arms immediately without a single care in the world. His cold nose hid into my chest and I petted his sweet spot, while I walked downstairs. 

"You must be hungry…can cats eat normal food?" 

He meowed, and I looked down at him. He was nestled in my arms while looking at my face, then he blinked slowly, then hid again in my chest. 

Well, that didn't help much, but it was adorable, so I'll excuse it this time. 

I looked up the foods cats could eat, and it turns out, it's much more than I thought, however I would have to boil almost everything I had at home and that would take way more time than to buy cat food in the convenience store nearby. 

"Okay, kitty. I have to buy some food for you, so you have to stay here alone for a little bit", I said in a soft tone of voice. 

I felt his eyes on me, yet he didn't protest as I put him on the ground, then I verified if the windows were all closed this time. As I walked to the door, I expected some kind of protest or whining, but he only walked to the door with me. 

"I see, are you scouting me out of my own house? Is that it?" 

As soon as I opened the door, he ran out. I froze by the door as he went straight to the side of the house, and before I could lose sight of him, I ran too. I couldn’t even think at that moment. The corner of the house was narrow and led to the small backward, and there was nothing there besides some old stuff I still had to throw out. I didn’t expect to see the cat snicking in one of the old boxes. 

“Kitty?”

The cat stood beside that red fox inside the box. The fox laid there, and it didn’t move as I got closer, and I wasn’t sure if it was conscious. Only then I noticed the trail of blood on the tiles, coming from the backward. I heard scratches on the box, and focused back on them. The cat looked at me, and it seemed desperate as it meowed louder and louder. 

“I know, I know”, I said as I tried to pick up the box, a little bit scared of the fox still, since it could attack me at any point, yet it didn’t move. “Come on, I’ll take care of you”, I whispered.

The fox opened its eyes, and I stopped in my tracks. It was too close of me already, it could attack me or run, maybe I should have run, but I was stunned by the brightness of the yellow on its eyes. He was as still as me, and I felt like the world had stopped breathing for a bit, too. 

The cat moved, and the fox cried out, that was what woke me up. 

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 6

Another outstanding episode as chickens start coming home to roost and Sand sets a ball a-rollin' that is gonna roll right over him in the end. In a surprise upset, Sand's mom won the audience vote last week, with Top and Boston tied for second place. You really never know who the Tumblrinas are going to favour from week to week, keeps us all on our toes! Here are this week's highly scientific rankings.

🔺1. Ray (4)

Let me talk to my friends. It’s his birthday. I’d like to say something.

Ray said NO SURVIVORS and sprayed the entire room at Mew's birthday party, and honestly? Kinda deserved. From calling Sand a whore (OUCH) to reading Cheum for filth for her shitty little backhanded comments, to almost letting the cat out of the Top/Boston bag in front of everybody, our resident mess came for every neck in the building. Boston primed him, Sand aimed him and Cheum lit the match, and it's no coincidence those three got hit with the blowback of his explosion at Top. A seething ball of pain and resentment fueled by alcohol and god-knows-what-else was never gonna fire a clean shot.

🔺2. Sand (5)

Stop thinking about Mew and focus on me for once. Can’t you really see that I care about you?

Well now we know why Sand didn't blink an eye at Nick bugging Boston's car; he's just as fucking unhinged. Sand, a poor, breaking his own phone just to get his hands on Nick's and that recording (which, by the way, calling the file 'That Car' is really too much Nicholas PLEASE 🤣)...WILD. We've all had Nick pegged as the bunny boiler but Sand might be worse and I can't WAIT because I still believe in that baseball bat. But him begging Ray to give a single solitary shit about him even AFTER Ray calls him a whore in front of a bar full of people...I remain embarrassed on his behalf.

🔺3. Mew (6)

Cocky much? I don’t even know if we’re gonna last that long.

Ok, when Mew said 'I love the sound you make when having sex' I literally screamed out OH FUCK HE KNOWS and listen, I have been WAITING for this moment. That was a baller fucking moment. You just KNOW Top's blood ran cold. Of course these two aren't breaking up, because couples like this NEVER break up. Game always recognises game. This is gonna be the first confrontation of many. But I'm pretty sure this is the last time Mew is gonna cry about it. Top might have just picked the wrong one. Mew has two moms, pretty sure he knows how to destroy a man.

🔻4. Nick (2)

I don’t give a shit about what number I am. Screw it. I’m not that into you.

At some point Nick is gonna have to stop threatening to walk and actually fucking walk, but it's clearly continuing to work for him as he and Boston are clearly the boyfriends Boston insists they're not. Dates, couple photos, meeting the dad, tender lovemaking, Boston's deep, dark secrets: Nick's getting it all...except the label he wants so very badly. And now he's shook because he knows Sand stole that recording, and he knows if Boston finds out about it it's all coming crashing down.

🔺5. Cheum (8)

I’m so happy everyone has a lover. Even a heartless slut like Boston has one.

Girl, you absolutely earned that smoke Ray blew at you. Sly Comment Susie got a minor taste of her own medicine and didn't like that shit one bit. It's all fun and games until it's your dirt under the microscope. Maybe Cheum just learned a lesson about minding her own business a little more, or at the very least keeping some of her thoughts to herself.

🔻6. Boston (3)

If I was a nice guy, you wouldn’t like me.

A surprisingly quiet week for Ton as everybody else gets so messy he looks relatively drama-free. But under the surface he's still paddling like mad: screwing Nick like a lover rather than just a fuckbuddy to keep him from leaving, clearly not out to his dad but bringing Nick round to meet him (once again using him for free work), pinning Ray so decisively that he causes a full-on meltdown. Though, 'I don't hate Mew'...well that might actually be true, because he's giving more fear than hatred.

🔻7. Top (1)

I get anyone I want. What about you? Who do you get?

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Top spent the episode feeling totally smug as he finally won the game and is basking in his spoils, swinging his dick around, feeling like King Shit. And then Mew played that recording and LOSER TIME. I have the distinct impression that Top hates to lose...

[rmd-writes]

hello dear beloved rae ❤️💜

@welcometololaland and i would like to submit a super special custom kiss prompt. pretty pretty please with a cherry on top, can you write for us:

tarlos - kiss in a tack room

(and because it's us, a dash of 🔥 would be very welcome)

cannot believe this has been sitting in my inbox for over a year 🫣🫣 but it’s @welcometololaland’s birthday so I thought I’d finally write this custom kiss prompt for you both 💖

It’s a wonder TK survived. Following Carlos on horseback for an hour, watching his perfect ass bounce in the saddle and the way this thighs flexed underneath his jeans as he moved was the most exquisite torture. Not to mention the way he steered his horse with just one hand on the reins, leaving the other to gesture to TK and point out various landmarks on the trail that TK is sure he was supposed to be paying attention to but all of his brain power was being sucked up by the dual forces of the sight of his husband riding a horse very competently and trying not to fall off his own horse in the process.

It was worse than watching Carlos steer the Camaro with one hand which always tempts him to offer Carlos road head even though it’s impossible in the Camaro. Not for lack of trying though.

Now though, TK’s been forced to watch Carlos take the tack off the horses, his flannel shirt discarded due to the heat leaving him in a tight white tank top and jeans that hug the curves of his thighs. In short, Carlos looks like a walking wet dream and TK is struggling.

“You know, you could help,” Carlos says drily, lifting a saddle off Snickers.

“And give up the view?” TK quips, waggling his eyebrows.

Carlos only shakes his head and carries the saddle to the rack room. TK follows him and as soon as Carlos has places the saddle on the rack, TK pounces.

“You are impossible,” he pronounces, hands firm on Carlos’ hips as he walks him backwards towards the door and pushes him into it.

“TK, this is the tack room.”

“And?” TK makes his lack of concern about their location clear by sucking lightly at the tendon on Carlos’ neck, feeling smug when he elicits a low groan from him.

“We can’t do this here.” Carlos protests weakly.

TK’s hands are already underneath Carlos’ tank top as he kisses him, demanding Carlos open to him with the press of his tongue and shoving a thigh between Carlos’ legs, kissing him until his head spins.

“If you don’t want to do this, we can stop,” TK says, pulling back for a moment, but Carlos is already rocking against his thigh and TK knows that he’s won.

“We don’t have long,” Carlos warns, tipping his head back against the wooden door.

“Sounds like a challenge, babe.” TK smirks, unbuttoning Carlos jeans and then sinking to his knees.

[purgemarchlockdown]

I'd joke about this interrogation question and how I've written a whole post about her Kazui parallels and how the 0308 parallels are so very real and we have the 020708 + 06 sometimes and that isn't even going into the 0809 parallels and the 050608 family parallels, but also I'd like to take a moment to mention how isolated Amane is actually.

It seems partially self-imposed but even before this she seemed to be the most withdrawn out of all the cast members. Not only does it seem like she was alone before the prison she says herself her upbringing isn't the standard.

Amane: Aren’t we the same? Me and Warden-san. You know, I’m aware that I’m out of the ordinary. That my environment was peculiar, and that everyone [else] is normal.

Amane is so far away from everyone, both physically since in T2 she isn't really willing to talk to anyone. And uh...metaphorically I guess. I don't really know a better word for it.

Amane is so young and the stuff she's experienced is so non-standard I'm not surprised she feels excluded and isolated. Part of a cult's indoctrination process is to isolate it's victims, and the more isolated you are the harder it is to crawl out of it.

Not to mention the ways the other prisoners make her Feel Excluded. Shidou does this often by making her feel Looked Down Upon.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behavior? Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand. Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

He doesn't Mean to hurt her but it doesn't really change the outcome does it?

Notably the people she talks recently to are the ones that ask her for advice or her opinion. Fuuta has done that multiple times and Yuno did it recently.

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away. Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that. Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear. Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

It seems like Amane appreciates being listened to and being asked for her opinion, which tracks with things she said in her in the T1 VD.

Amane: I see. Then, are the things that I as a twelve-year-old think irrelevant? Are you going to cast aside the feelings that I know I have in this very moment, purely based on the fact that I have not yet lived for a very long time? Judging these things based on someone’s age will not take you very far. Do I, at age twelve, not have my own will? Does Muu-san, at age 16, have more of a free will than I do? Does Yuno-san, at age 18, have more of a free will? Does Fuuta-san, at age 20, have an entirely free will?

It makes sense to me that she appreciates this, for most of her life it seems her wants and feelings are discarded and considered unimportant.

You might notice this makes Shidou's treatment of her worse. I'm so sorry Shidou but calling her actions a "temper tantrum" was one of the worst things he could of done in this situation. At this point if you get bitten by her it's on you.

(I wonder how much of Amane's hatred of Shidou is because of her cult and how much of it is because of this behavior. Thinking about the 050608 family parallels again...)

Really, no wonder she thinks nobody is like her. The only reason why I can make all these parallels is cause I have access to her magic mind MV and the rest of the material.

Kazui does not know how much Amane lies to protect herself. Amane doesn't know that Mahiru conflates love and pain together. She doesn't even know about Fuuta and Kotoko's crimes for justice! All these people she could relate to and she can't reach out to any of them.

Their so far away from her, it seemed fine in T1 but now the distance is so much bigger now. She's guilty, most of them are innocent, and the ones who are guilty are going through their own pains. Of course nobody is like her, she doesn't know anything about anybody here.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Warning: Venting, moaning, and spoilers ahead. Enter at own risk.

You know, after watching 73 Yards I had a LOT that I wanted to write about. Stuff about the themes like abandonment, but also about science fiction vs fantasy, the need for answers vs the desire never to know, eerie atmosphere vs cool rationality, blah, blah, blah.

But I’m a week too late. That’s old news now, it’s Dot and Bubble time. And I don’t have the time and energy to say much except…

OMG! Did RTD always have such an unrelentingly bleak and cruel vision of human nature??? I mean, okay, we had a woman heroically staying to take care of babies in the goofy first ep, but we also had a world that would abandon a bunch of babies to die. And the last two episodes…

73 Yards depressed me in a way no Doctor Who ever has. I’ve seen every episode that still exists, seen the recons of the lost, listened to every Big Finish audio over it’s first 14 or so years, and read the “wilderness years” novels like popcorn. I mean, I have absorbed so damn many Doctor Who stories in every medium that I wouldn’t know how to count them. Some were dark. Some were depressing. Some were miserable in every way.

But this….

73 Yards made me wonder if there was no damn point in me keeping on living.

Ruby’s plight resonated far too deeply.

Alone and upset she makes the mistake of stepping of going into pub where the locals, in a display of cruelty **that reminded me why I never go into small local places, deliberately scared and then mocked her. Then her life gets soooo much worse as everyone she loves and everyone she turns to for help ends up turning on her. She isn’t merely abandoned, she is treated with complete disgust and with not even a hint of compassion to soften it. She is haunted by the “ghost” of herself, an embodiment of both a mistake of her past and her future death. This “ghost” becomes her only companion as her life speeds on to the always lonely grave. Every birthday is her all alone, no friends, no family, just her and her always distant “ghost” self. And then she grows old and “dies”. Always alone…

99% of my time is alone. I have no friends to turn to. Every friend I ever got close to ended up leaving me. Heck, even online friends always just go away without a trace. I’m in a rural area where the community I’ve lived my entire life had never made me feel included. Back in school once a year I’d get shunned for not being a Christian as they rediscovered it, and the rest of the time there was mere bullying, mocked and belittled, for all the other things that marked me as an outcast. My family were outcasts too, for that matter. My family, where Mom is the only one left who loves me, just a frail voice on a phone I can no longer reach out to. My brother has openly wished me dead and doesn’t want me setting foot in his home, telling me constantly how worthless and disgusting he finds me. Everyone else I’ve loved is dead or gone away. Every birthday is alone, and I’m increasingly aware I’m spiraling to my own death…

No one. Never anyone. Never able to make new friends. Doomed to isolation unto death. No friends. No family. No help. Just me and…..me.

Yeah, it got to me. Ruby gets a moment of using her pain for good, and the reward of a do over. But that’s fiction. My “ghost” self offers no chance to do good, and when I die I will simply rot away (or burn, if whoever gets stuck with disposal duty decides to cremate me. They’d probably just flush me down toilet if I would fit! LOL)

And I thought, ok, maybe that’s just me. Maybe most people won’t feel borderline suicidal as escapist entertainment rubs salt in very open wounds.

But then I thought about the harsh cruelty of the world in the story, the complete lack of warmth and hope. Hell, our heroine stands by and lets a young woman get (strongly suggested) abused by a man she KNOWS is a baddie simply because she needs to prove that that baddie is bad enough to deserve what she is about to do. So even Ruby is a terrible person deep down, tainted by a world devoid of love to the point of treating people as test subjects.

Okay, this is bleak stuff. Great episode, even if I am ambivalent about that all fantasy/no explanations take on Doctor Who.( It also joins things like Grave of the Fireflies on my “Great but NEVER watch again!” list. ) But it’s surely won’t be so dark next time.

Oh dear.

So in Dot and Bubble we get a world of the young and privileged living in their social media bubbles (oh, very subtle), completely unable to function in the real world to the point of being unable to walk.

Okay, that’s not bleak. A bit cynical and harsh, kicking an easy target, but dark comedy material. And the obnoxious gal we are following will surely come to her senses, learn to connect with people, will be grateful for help, and…

Oh. OH!

This is THAT kind of story. Where we are reminded that people are essentially selfish and shallow, where they do things against their own best interests out of things like snobbishness, and the one decent human being we meet is doomed to death by betrayal.

Okay, now the question is, which do I find bleaker. The “you are doomed to always be isolated” episode or the “most people don’t even deserve help” episode.

People complained about the ending of Boom being sappy, but TBH it was kinda a relief for Moffat to pop in and say “Ok, look, love will give you at least a pseudo happy ending now and then. Now don’t go slitting your wrists at the utter nastiness out there…”

And the RTD whispers “I’m not saying slit your wrists, I’m just saying that if you do no one will care. The hysterical laughter at snot monsters and musical diva gods is just the universe having a nervous breakdown in the dark, but that’s fun, isn’t it?”

I’m not saying I think these episodes are awful! Just to be clear, I’ve enjoyed stuff about all of them! I haven’t hated any of them (No, not even Space Babies with their poor little freaked out faces and ill fitting CG mouths creeping me out) And if you don’t feel depressed after these recent episodes I’m very glad. Really. I just wish I had YOUR brain!

It’s funny, after an era where I complained (quietly) about poor writing I am now complaining (loudly) about the horrible mood the better writing is putting me in!

Yes, I will keep watching, trying to hold onto whatever light I can in the darkness. But I can’t say I’m looking forward to being miserable every time. I’m not sure I’m actually having fun. My life sucks enough lately, and Doctor Who making me feel worse is something I NEVER expected to have to deal with.

**Note to self: be glad you can NEVER go to Wales! Yeah, my grandma had a penpal from Wales. It was a lovely old lady she met while they both rested on a bench in the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. I met her and she was quite nice, even as little me withered in shame hearing grandma, in her lifelong childlike innocence, tell an embarrassing detail about me. I rationally know people from Wales are just people. But after that pub scene…

[purrincess-chat]

Call It What You Want CH 2 (Era's Fest (Love-Square Version) (Final)

It's New Years Day!! (iykyk) Here is chapter 2 of my fic for @theerasfestlovesquareversion As a reminder warning for those that maybe want to skip it, there is a mild sex scene toward the middle of this chapter. I've marked it on AO3, but if you prefer reading on tumblr, it begins around the time that Adrien says he needs a distraction and is over at the next *** break. It's very short and T rated for sure, but if that's not your cup of tea, totally fine.

Anywho, I hope you all had a good New Year! Please check out and support the other works from the Era's Fest and show them some love. I'll see you all again sometime in the near future hopefully with something new. ;)

Read on AO3

Chapter 2

Marinette led the way to a quiet apartment across town, and Adrien quirked an eyebrow as she fit a key in the lock of apartment 613. He followed her in as she flicked on the light and hung her keys on a tiny hook. Seeing his bewildered expression, she flashed him an apologetic smile.

“My grandma rented it for me as a birthday gift. She thought I was graduating university this year. My parents refused to let me live here, but she already signed all the contracts.” Marinette shrugged. “It’s small, but no one should find us here.”

“You mean, you’ve had an apartment since your birthday, but we’ve been putting up with Felix interrupting us at my house for months?” Adrien placed his hands on his hips.

“Well, it’s kind of out of the way. Besides, you only ever get frisky when we’re alone in your room.” She brushed his nose with her fingertip, and his heart skipped a beat. “Make yourself comfortable. I think my grandma has some tea in one of the cabinets.”

Adrien settled on the small pink couch while Marinette rummaged through the kitchen. The entire apartment was one room, but it had everything she needed. A kitchen, a small sitting area, a bed tucked in the corner. The empty walls lacked Marinette’s signature decorative charm, but even still, Adrien felt at ease there. It was just the two of them. No cameras, no microphones, no questions. Safe. It was safe.

“It’s all so strange,” he said. “I’ve never had to be on the run before. When you spend your childhood being marketed to make people like you, it’s terrifying when they don’t anymore. It’s a long fall off the pedestal.”

“It’s not fair. You shouldn’t be blamed for the actions of someone else. I mean, you were fighting against him every day, for crying out loud,” Marinette said around the clanking of glasses as she dug through a cabinet.

“Yeah, but it’s not like we can tell people that.” Adrien sighed.  

“Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t hate you.” Marinette peeked over the counter to offer him a smile.

Adrien leaned against his fist on the arm of the couch. “My reputation’s never been worse, so you must like me for me. I just wish the rest of the world could see what you do.”

“Well, I can’t make you any promises, but I can make you a drink.” She held up two glasses and a bottle of white wine. “Looks like my nonna strikes again. We really should get her memory evaluated.”

“A drink sounds nice right about now.” Adrien stood up. “Although, last time we drank you made fun of the way I say m’lady.”

“Oh, come on, you should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk.” She giggled as she poured. “It just means I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Adrien rolled his eyes and took a glass. “If you weren’t so cute, I’d have been offended, but your impression of me is adorable.”

Marinette mimicked one of his theatrical bows, looking up at him with a smirk. “Why thank you-”

“Don’t.” Adrien sighed.

“M’lady,” she purred.

Adrien took a sip of wine, shooting her a playful glare over his glass. “Bold talk coming from Miraculous Ladybug herself.” Adrien mimicked her transformation stance. “Lucky charm!”

“At least I didn’t come up with my own theme music.” Marinette shot back. She brushed past him, taking a sip of her own glass and heading for the balcony.

Adrien followed, pressing a playful kiss to her cheek before leaning against the railing. It was late, and the city was asleep, the calm a direct contrast to the storm waiting for him back home. It was in the silence that Adrien realized just how impulsive and rash it was to leave without telling anyone, but what else was he supposed to do? He just wanted to put an end to all the endings, but he knew he couldn’t run forever.

Marinette seemed to notice his change in mood and linked her arm through his, resting her head on his shoulder. At least he did one thing right. Even if it was just for a little while, being with her mended his broken bones. She didn’t need fancy stuff, and truthfully, neither did he. Out on the balcony with the girl of his dreams and a cheap bottle of wine — it was enough.

“What would you do,” he asked, swirling his glass thoughtfully. “What would you do if…if my whole world ended down tomorrow?”

Marinette turned to face him, eyebrows knitting together. “Adrien, it will all work ou-”

“Just, answer the question. Please?” He cupped her face. “If the world never forgives me for what my father did…if my ship sinks completely, what would you do?”

She squared her shoulders, taking a deep breath. “I’d ask you to dance with me.” When Adrien’s eyebrows raised at her reply, she continued, “I’d kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down. I’d hold you as the water rushes in. I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home.”

Adrien had never loved her more than that moment when her earnest, ocean blue eyes were looking in his. His heart fluttered, and he felt like he might sink and drown and die. How could he help himself when she said such beautiful things to him? He leaned down to kiss her, lacing his fingers in her hair. Everyone thought they knew Adrien Agreste, but they knew nothing about his true character. No one bothered to look behind the curtain, preferring to spin whatever narrative they found suitable, but the girl in his arms had seen every side of him. He was hers to keep, and more frighteningly, he was hers to lose. The truth of the matter was he didn’t know what would happen when he went back home. Would he go to London? Would the public put down their pitchforks and proof? He didn’t want to think about it.

He pressed his forehead to Marinette’s with a sigh. “I need a distraction.”

“What kind of distraction?” Marinette asked.

“Any kind. I just…don’t want to think right now.”

“Mmm.” Marinette took a sip from her glass. “Well, as you pointed out when we came in, we do have the place to ourselves, and you conveniently omitted how I made up for making fun of you last time we got drunk.”

“Me-ow, m’lady. You whisked me away in the dead of night and brought me to a secluded apartment. Now, you’re getting me drunk, so you can lure me to bed.” Adrien smirked, holding up his wine. “What kind of cat do you take me for?”

“Oh, well, if you’re not in the mood, I guess I can go back inside and-” Adrien caught her waist as she turned to leave, pulling her back in. “You know, I only made this dress, so you could take it off.”

Adrien’s heart jumped up to his throat, and he took a big gulp of wine to wash it back down.

She smirked behind her glass. “What was it you said earlier? ‘It was going to be a graduation gift, but now’s as good a time as ever’?”

She ran a hand up his chest, sending a shiver down his spine. God, he loved her. She tugged his collar gently, pulling him back into the apartment. His lips found hers, hands moving down her arms and over her hips as they clumsily stumbled over to the bed. Hands shaking with anticipation, he fumbled with the zipper on her dress while her tongue danced around his own. Finally finding his grip, he tugged it down, pulling at the fabric until the dress fell to her ankles. She didn’t waste time unbuckling his belt, and Adrien kicked off his pants as they fell into bed.

Heart pounding, he kissed her neck as she straddled him and lifted his shirt, only pausing to pull it over his head. It was far from their first time, but every time with her felt like the first. The excitement, the anticipation, the warmth of her bare skin against his own. The taste of her lips was Adrien’s idea of luxury. No amount of money in the world could take him quite where she did. She was everything he’d waited for growing up, the one he trusted more than anyone: The queen of his heart, body, and soul.

“Marinette,” he sighed her name like a prayer as she kissed his jaw, running her hands down his abs to tease the rim of his underwear.

She pulled back, flicking her gaze down with a smirk. “Ladybug boxers? I didn’t realize you were such a fan.”

“What can I say? She really has my heart.” Adrien winked.

Marinette met his gaze again, eyes sparkling and warm. Her lips curled into a smirk as she pushed him onto his back, pinning his hands to the mattress, and he gazed up in awe of her beauty. The apartment might be small, but with dark fair falling loose around her shoulders, Marinette was a mansion with a view. His heart pounded as she unclasped her bra and tossed it on the floor, freeing his hands to worship her bare breasts and thighs. The Ladybug boxers and Marinette’s frilly underwear followed suit, and all the pieces fell right into place.

It was enough, for the moment, the softness of her skin, the taste of her lips. Their shaking hands twined, hips moving in perfect sync, turning her bed into a sacred oasis in the middle of a drought. For a few minutes, Adrien’s deepest blues were painted golden, and all he saw was her. She was all he wanted, and no matter what lied ahead of them, he’d never let her go.

***

“The world moves on another day, another drama, but for the people of Paris, all they think about is karma. Gabriel Agreste, former head of the Gabriel fashion brand and the supervillain Hawkmoth, was found guilty after only one day of his scheduled three day hearing. Agreste confessed on the stand to his role as Paris’s supervillain Hawkmoth and was sentenced to life without parole-”

Adrien clicked off the TV, leaning back in bed with a sigh. Marinette slept peacefully beside him in the shirt he’d been wearing the night before. Part of him wanted to curl up beside her and sleep forever, but the morning light trickling in from the windows was a reminder that time marched on. His problems wouldn’t disappear overnight, and the storm was still raging on.

He’d left his phone at home on purpose, so no one could find him. His aunt was probably beside herself with worry, but if Adrien was going to run away from the noise, he wanted to do it on his terms. He could apologize later, but as the birds chirped and the cacophony of traffic sounded below, he knew he’d have to face the world eventually. No one could run forever.

For the better part of his childhood, Adrien had been locked away and hidden from the world. He wasn’t keen on returning to that arrangement, especially not after spending so many years in the sun. Not after meeting his friends and the girl of his dreams. He was tired of running. Sometimes it was better to turn around and face challenges head-on. To strike like a snake hunting its prey. The public all had their receipts and reasons to hate him because of what his father did, but Felix was right. Adrien’s friends would always have his back, no matter what. The right people knew the truth, and that was all he needed. So, they could light him up for all he cared. He had everything he needed.

Marinette’s phone was on the kitchen counter, and Adrien slipped out of bed to retrieve it. He swiped in her passcode — their anniversary — and scrolled through her contacts. With another glance back at Marinette sound asleep, Adrien slipped out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him. Nadja Chamack answered on the third ring.

“Nadja, it’s Adrien Agreste. I’m ready to talk.”

***

An hour later they were dressed and in a taxi headed up town. Marinette squeezed his hand three times, her eyes seeming to ask if he was sure about this. He could tell it was going to be a long road, but he had hope that it would be worth it in the end. Running felt wrong. He was still a hero, even if no one but Marinette knew. Fighting the bad guys was his job, and whether Adrien ran or stood his ground, people were going to talk. He might as well speak his truth and go out on his terms.

When they pulled up to the news station, Adrien’s heart dropped to his feet. Standing just inside the lobby was Aunt Amelie, arms crossed. They locked eyes, but Adrien stood his ground, holding tight to Marinette’s hand. He was sure of this, and he’d do everything he could to convince her. She seemed to realize his resolve because after a moment, she lowered her gaze with a nod.

“I’d ask where you’ve been, but I’m just glad you’re safe,” she said.

“I can’t go to London,” Adrien said.

Aunt Amelie offered him a weak smile. “I know. I didn’t come here to make you.” Adrien’s eyebrows raised, and she continued, “I only wanted to protect you. You’ve been through enough already, but I can’t protect you forever. If this is what you feel is right, then I’ll stand by your decision.”

Adrien pulled her into a crushing hug, leaning his head against hers, and she squeezed him just as tightly. He couldn’t fault her for wanting to shield him from the public outrage. She’d stepped in when every other adult in his family had failed him and taken him in as if he were her own son. He understood her actions, but having her approval meant the world.

“Thank you, Aunt Amelie. For everything,” he said.

“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, wiping a tear before it could spill over.

“Me as well.” Marinette stepped forward to place a hand on his back. “Good or bad, we’ll be right here.”

“M. Agreste? Your dressing room is ready,” the receptionist said.

“Go. You’ve got this.” Marinette nudged him on. “See you after, okay?”

Adrien took a deep breath and squared his shoulders before following the security. His father had taken a lot of things from him over the course of his life. His freedom, his image, his agency. But as the elevator doors closed, Adrien felt a surge of calm wash over him. Gabriel Agreste had no power over him anymore, and he never would again. Healing would take time, but no matter how harsh the fallout became, Adrien was done running. This time he would stand and fight, and he was taking his reputation back with him.

***

In the months following Gabriel’s conviction and Adrien’s interview with Nadja, Adrien and Marinette had taken to keeping to themselves. The disgruntled masses had dwindled over time as his father’s trial became old news, and Adrien could finally breathe a bit of fresh air.  Upon graduating, Marinette moved into the mansion with Adrien and his family while she attended university. Adrien was taking a gap year to figure out what he wanted and mostly just enjoying his freedom. Nobody had heard from him for months, but he was doing better than he ever was. Occasionally, he’d hear an insult or two on the street, but with the girl of his dreams walking with her head down beside him, the insults just rolled right off. They could call him what they wanted to. He had everything he needed by his side.

On New Year’s Eve, Adrien and Marinette hosted a party for all of their real friends who stuck by them, locking the gates to the rest of the world who didn’t. Bass beats rattled the chandelier in the dining room, everyone swimming in a champagne sea as midnight approached. Even Felix had come out of his hovel to socialize. Things weren’t perfect, but they were as good as Adrien could have hoped.

“Pre-countdown shots for everyone,” Alya said, presenting a tray of shot glasses. “You especially haven’t had nearly enough to drink, Adrien.”

“I’m trying to stay in the moment,” Adrien said.

“Well, this moment is taking a shot.” Nino placed a glass in his hand.

“Okay.” Adrien chuckled. “But let me propose a toast first.”

“Fine, make it quick.” Alya rolled her eyes.

“Here’s a toast to my real friends who didn’t care about the he-said-she-said earlier this year.” He wrapped an arm around Marinette’s waist and pulled her closer. “And here’s to my lady for never reading what they call me. And here’s to my aunt, who had to listen to all the drama. And, lastly, here’s to my father…because forgiveness is a nice thing to-” Adrien trailed off with a laugh. “Sorry, I can’t say it with a straight face, but seriously, here’s to you guys!”

“Cheers!” His friends all clinked their glasses together.

“Alright, 1, 2, 3, let’s go bitches! Happy New Year!” Alya shouted, and they all tossed their shots back.

Adrien winced against the burn, but the tingly buzz that followed was nice. He kept hold of Marinette’s hand as their friends moved back to the dance floor for the countdown, pulling her instead out to the foyer.

“Ya know, it might be the alcohol talking, but you’ve never looked more gorgeous,” he said.

Marinette smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and stretching up to kiss him. “You’ve barely even had anything tonight. That’s the first shot you’ve taken.”

“Must be you then.” He nuzzled her cheek, then more soberly added, “I’m just feeling a bit…reflective of everything. I want to remember everyone who stood by me when my world was falling apart. To hold onto the memories. To hold onto you.”

“Adrien.” Marinette cupped his face, and he leaned into her touch.

“Just promise me that you’ll never become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere,” he murmured.

“Of course, I won’t,” Marinette said. “I’ll always stay even when you’re lost, or I’m scared, or you’re turning away. I want your midnights, your Sunday mornings, your Wednesday afternoons. I’ll be here tonight cleaning up bottles with you after everyone goes home. It will always be you and me against the world.”

Adrien touched his forehead to hers, unable to contain his smile as the chants from their friends grew louder.

“10, 9, 8…”

“I love you,” Adrien whispered.

“5, 4, 3…”

“I love you too.” Marinette stretched up until their lips brushed. “Happy New Year, Adrien.”

He closed the distance between their lips, savoring every aspect of that moment. The chorus of cheers from their friends in the other room, the pillowy softness of her lips, the taste of champagne on her breath, even the glitter sparkling on the floor when he pulled her into his arms. For a long time the mansion had felt more like a prison than a home, but after the storms had past, new life had been breathed into every aspect of his life. On his darkest nights, she was always there building fires just to keep him warm, and the towering walls that had once caged him in were now full of warmth and togetherness.  It was a new year, a new life, and although the path forward was uncertain, he knew the people around him would always be there for him. And as for the public’s opinions on his family’s reputation, well, they could call it what they wanted to. He had everything he needed, and they were enough.

[obliqueblade]

Update- Health Concerns/Inspo/ rambling a bit

“So Oblique where have you been?” 

That is a great question reader. The truth is complicated… and rather long. 

Not to be like “ao3 writer moment” but… 

I have cancer. Had it for a while actually. I got diagnosed right at 20, but I had symptoms for a while before that. We had thought it was just my asthma acting up, but nope. 

I have lung cancer. Wooo. 

Funnily enough, about a month or so later, Technoblade released his announcement video. 

It was strange. Knowing that while I was going through treatment, someone I looked up to across the country was doing something similar. I remember watching that video hooked up to my oxygen machine, and feeling a pit in my stomach when he had mentioned being able to see where it was. While I don’t have Sarcoma, most cancer patients, especially those in the ward knew what that meant. 

I made a joke though, that none of my doctors, or friends really appreciated. Statistically, I would die before he did, so I at least wouldn’t have to live in a world without him. 

… clearly, this did not go the way I had hoped. 

Off and on for that year, I was in and out of the hospital in Clevland, Ohio. Now this is not where I live normally, but it was close to my grandparents. I also found out how much I hated snow. Moreso, when your lungs also hate it and you at the same time. 

“Oh, Oblique, just how common is lung cancer in your early 20s?” 

Why dear reader another GREAT question! The answer is- it’s not. Or the early signs are easy to miss. I was one of the youngest patients at CC frequently, and one of the only ones with lung cancer during my stay. We were able to catch it so quickly because my step moms brother had CF, so my mom spent a lot of time in hospitals around people who couldn’t breathe. After the first few times, I couldn’t catch my breath, no matter what I did she wanted me to go and get tested to find out what it was since it was clearly worse than just asthma. We knew it wasn’t CF, because they would’ve found that earlier. Ruled out pneumonia pretty quickly too as it was the middle of summer. My FP happened to think to test cancer, just in case. My Dad and I had laughed, it was such a long shot it was more likely I was just having pretty frequent panic attacks. Now I knew deep down it wasn’t panic attacks and my mom did too, but the C-word was terrifying. 

And then we got the tests back. I knew as soon as he walked in, hell I knew when they did the tests, and yes there are multiple. 

I asked my mom to leave the room, My Dad hadn’t been able to come in that day with us, and I needed to talk to him about how long he thought I had. 

He didn’t reply for a while, and I’ll never forget the look on his face. 

At the time of my diagnosis, I was 19. Statistically, the chance of living to see my 24th birthday was almost impossible. 

Doc pretty much told me that IF I could survive the next 7-12 months without the cancer spreading to my other organs my chances were pretty good. I’d later find out that the chances of it spreading were so high, and if it ever does the chances that I make it almost none. However, even once I passed every year after would be considered a miracle if I got past five. 

He went into the next room and talked to my mom for a while, while I tried to wrap my head around everything. Just how quickly my life had changed. How fast it was all going to happen. What finally broke me, was my youngest sister texting me from one of her middle school classes asking me how it was going. Realizing I’d never get to see her graduate, take her on girls' days, help her through heartbreak, watch her get married. 

At that moment it felt like the cancer had already killed me. It had stolen not only my life but my place in the lives of my family. Doc and Mom came back in at some point during my breakdown and sat with me. 

We didn’t leave that office for a while. When we did, I told my mom that I wanted to be the one to tell my Dad and sister before we talked about where we were going to go. 

So that night after dinner, we sat at the kitchen table, and I simply said 

“This air quality seems to be so shitty, that my lungs have decided to refuse work,” 

And my mother broke into tears, and my dad and sister stared at me like I was crazy. Which I kind of felt I deserved to be. Once we had cleared up the confusion, my dad asked me the same question I had asked the doctor. 

I told him that realistically he was going to have to rely on either my older or younger sister to wipe his ass when he couldn’t do it anymore. I was trying really hard to make light of the situation because I didn’t want everyone to be sad before I died. There would be plenty of time for it afterward anyway. 

Maybe that’s another thing I recognized from Techno’s initial video. Trying so hard to make sure that no one was worried despite knowing what was going to happen. And even though I think deep down a lot of us at least feared, the concept was so ridiculous and insane. How could someone like him just… 

On the day of the announcement, I saw Dreams tweet before the YouTube notification came through. 

I sat in my hospital bed playing Minecraft on the PC I had finally saved up enough to get, and I was on the phone with my best friend back in my home state. All I can remember is saying “Please. Please don’t let it be who I think it is. Please don’t let it be.” The last thing I remember hearing was my friend say “Oh ____ I am so sorry.” 

I hung up the phone and just sobbed. I ripped out my IV and heart monitor culled into a ball on the floor and just lost it. It didn’t take long before my nightly nurse ran into the room and they eventually had to sedate me. 

I woke up a few hours later, and for a moment I thought I had dreamed it. Yet I saw my mom in my room and I knew that I hadn’t. She had started working remotely due to COVID-19 and her job was letting her continue to remote in so she could come to Ohio with me and stay between the hospital and my grandparent's house. My dad would drive, and while Ohio was closer than some of the other hospitals this is still an 8+ hour drive every other week with my sister and stay with me. 

I had actually been doing pretty well at this point. Due to my age, and the fact my cancer had not spread yet, I was a really good candidate for surgery. However, there are underlying health conditions and risks that have to be monitored and dealt with before they can do the surgery. They had to give me enough time between treatments so I still had the strength to survive the surgery. 

When the video was released, I finished up another round of medications, this time ones that showed promising effects and weren’t damaging to my strength so I would survive the surgery. 

After the video came out, my mental health dipped hard, and fast, and my physical health soon followed. Then one of my best friends as the center passed. She was three months younger than me. She had leukemia, and the doctors had been amazed she had lived as long as she had since she had it since she was a kid. They thought she was in remission in her teens, but she relapsed pretty hard right before she turned 19. Halfway through my stay there, she had taken a dip, and her health hadn’t been able to recover. 

At that moment I wanted to die. I couldn’t see a point in living, of fighting, when the time I bought through these treatments maybe would last a few years. My doctors essentially had to rework my treatment plan and appeal to my parents that if they wanted me to live, they needed to have me fight for it. 

So much as those days where my family would come in and beg me to try and fight I just didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t see a life for myself anymore. Now some people may look at that and think it's dumb, like “Oh some guy you never even met, someone who didn’t even know you existed, died and now you’ve decided to just die?” 

Well first off rude. Secondly, I was already suicidal, and you’ll find it’s extremely common for patients with life-threatening diseases to need therapists constantly because they have extreme suicidal tendencies. Also, I want to state that yes I am referencing Techno a lot in this, but know that I am remarking about his passing and how it affected me, I am not doing so as a way to blame or hate him. Obviously, I cannot claim to know what or how he was feeling in those last few months, but I do know that we don’t get a choice when cancer kills us. 

It isn’t up to us. 

Hell, maybe no one is even reading this, maybe I dyed typing it up, or before I posted it. The point is I don’t want some moron to read this and think “Wow attacking a cancer patient, Oblique whatever is next?” 

Dear lord this thing is four pages now, alright to quickly wrap up on why and how I’m back. 

Just before all this went down, I had gotten into Hermitcraft. Now back when I was growing up and living under different circumstances, I wasn’t allowed internet access, so I missed out on a lot in the mid-2010s, one of which being Hermitcraft and well Minecraft as a whole. 

Anyway, I found specifically GoodtimeswithScar and Grian. 

Now, I do watch other Hermits, but at this time I watched these two the most. I never used Twitch before, and while I still don’t really like the platform I loved watching Scar stream. 

Scar, actually, was the reason I got determined to at least try and fight this damn cancer. 

See, before this, I didn’t know about Scar’s illness. I didn’t know he was in a wheelchair and I didn’t know he was on oxygen tanks either. So the first stream I got to watch, lying in my hospital bed, hooked up to about a million blinking machines, I opened it to see someone else wearing oxygen tubes. Someone who was also hooked up to a million different things. Yet, Scar could create some of the most beautiful things I had gotten to see while stuck in that room. It was like he weaved pure magic through the screen. 

So, I came to the conclusion that what the hell. If I died so would my memories. The things I’ve seen and people I’ve met, all of it would go with me. And if there’s one thing I learned from Techno, is that “... the Sun Kast fallacy wouldn’t allow it,”. 

So, we restarted my treatment plan. Eventually, we did the surgery and after making sure I was stabilized and showed no signs of infection, or that the cancer was making a comeback right away they allowed me to be transferred home. Right in time for that good ol’ Southern heat. 

Now, I still have to regularly go to the hospital, as well as wear my lovely little oxygen tubes around, and take PLENTY of drugs (OMG so many cotton mouth is REAL), but not to jinx anything I’ve been doing fairly well these past few weeks. 

Of course, this can change in an instant, and I have to be extremely careful, especially due to Covid (Seriously guys if someone coughs on me I might as well get into the coffin now.) 

As for why I decided to write this fic? Well, in a way the Hermits helped me live. Helped my parents not have to bury one of their kids. Helped me see my sister start high school. Helped me reach my 21st birthday. 

19-21. 

Three years down. 

Realistically, I know there’s going to be a day I get the results that not only is the cancer back, but that it has spread. I know this. And I also know that when that time comes I will have to accept that and move forward as I can. I may never be as great as Alex, and I don’t want to be, but I want to be like him in that I will accept and try to easily go when it’s my time, knowing that I did all that I could. 

In the meantime, I might as well leave something for the small part of the world that I can. 

If and when my updates stop, I’ll leave a message for my friend on how to log into my Tumblr so she can at least give you guys some closure. 

Take care, and I will see you when I see you, Readers! 

Update:

So originally, this was going to be posted on the 13th– clearly, that didn’t happen. I had a minor health setback. Bacteria truly is my greatest enemy. I got sent back to the hospital and then saw my specialist on the 13th and a whole new wave of antibiotics. I’m still in the hospital being monitored, which is kinda like every few hours someone comes in and pokes me so I can never sleep. 

Which ya know is fun. 

So I got my roommates to bring my laptop under the guise of doing school work but in reality, I just wanted better access to edit because that’s hard to do on my phone. 

Anyway, I’ll keep you guys posted. Chapter 2 should be posted within the next week or so health providing. Knock on wood.

[whumpsday]

Kane & Jim #41: The Contents of Several Unopened Envelopes Delivered to Kane de Sang

Masterlist

content: vampire whumpee, angst / emotional whump, discussion of abusive relationship

beginning takes place a few days after Clean Break.

-

Dear Kane,

I’ve moved into my own house. It feels strange, living in a house by myself. It’s quiet. Not that my family home was loud, but there were people. Now there’s no Father, no Mother, no sisters, no servants. No you. Just me.

I’m not alone, of course. I’ve talked to you about my other friends before. They’ve been marvelously helpful, Sylvia especially. I know I’ve said this before, but I think you would like them all. I know they would like you, too, as long as you don’t say anything rude. As always, if you ever want to meet them, let me know.

I’m sure you’ve heard all about the disaster of my eighteenth birthday party, though you didn’t attend. I thought Father might faint. You should have seen the look on his face when I told everyone, it was glorious! He was even more upset than you were.

I know you said not to read your letter, but I did. I apologize. For the record, my answer is a resounding YES. Should you still like to move in with me, nothing would make me happier. I know it was a rather big fight, but you’re my best friend. We’ve made it through worse, have we not?

My new address is attached for you to reply. You don’t need to put a name on the envelope, if you want to keep it a secret. That way your parents wouldn’t know who you’re sending it to.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Dear Kane,

We haven’t seen each other in the longest we’ve ever gone without, I believe. Unless you count the just-shy-of-a-year between my birth and yours. If you sent along a reply to my last letter, I’m afraid it was lost in the mail before it could make its way to me. Or perhaps my own letter was the one that was lost. Though I understand it’s far more likely you simply didn’t reply, just in case, I shall repeat the most important point: I’ve read your letter, my answer is YES.

I’ve managed to acquire ethically-sourced blood. I must admit it is not the most delectable, as you’d predicted, due to the considerable distance it must travel from an area with more amicable interspecies relations. However, such is a small price to pay in order to sustain myself in a way that does not harm others.

I’ve been wondering what you’ve been up to since I left. I think about you quite a lot. Honestly, you’re the only one I still think about, although it’s only been a month. I’d be happy if I never spoke to Father again. I’ve an urge to go back under the cover of day, with one of those full-coverage suits and a large brimmed hat, just to throw garish paint over his house. But I know you would say this is improper and irresponsible behavior, so I will make an effort to restrain myself.

I miss you.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Dear Kane,

I kissed a man.

I don’t know why I’m telling you. It’s been three months and you haven’t replied, so it’s unlikely you’ll respond to this one either. But you would have been the first one I’d tell if things were still like before, so I felt as though I have to. I won’t bore you with the details, but it was nice. I thought you’d like to know, maybe.

We’re not courting. It’s different out here in the real world. You’re allowed to just try things out. The nobility is properly cultish in ways, quite honestly. I think you would like the real world a lot if you gave it a try. My offer still stands. My answer is still yes.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Dear Kane,

I really miss you. I was thinking about it and decided I must write you another letter. I know you were always the one more inclined toward mathematics in our studies, and I’ve taken a page out of your book. Doing the proper research and all. Were you aware that there is a 0.0027% chance that all three of my letters were lost in the mail? I must say, my academic interests still tend toward art and literature, but probability can be fascinating in certain scenarios, when it matters. Not that it matters, as I’m no longer a schoolboy. I’m an adult now. Only 5 months until you are as well!

I was wondering how you were doing. Are you planning on taking a human? No one expects you to have to do that, you’re aware. It’s dangerous due to your condition. I don’t mean this in a condescending way, you know I would never. I simply worry for your safety. Humans have upped their defenses in recent years. I’ve never taken one, and in half a year I’ve managed to make a nice life for myself. You could too, if you wanted.

You know I don’t agree with human-keeping. But if you do, please be safe.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Dear Kane,

Happy birthday!

I couldn’t not send a letter, even if you won’t send one back. Congratulations on coming of age. I’m otherwise strictly not in contact with my family, but I asked Katarina just because I was concerned, and she said that you do not plan on taking a human. It’s for the best, really. You don’t need that. Your parents are even bigger pricks than my own, somehow.

She also told me there will be no celebration, despite the milestone. I know how crushing that must be for you, especially as I’m not even there for our usual bash with just the two of us. I want you to know that my door is always open to you. I will be sure to be home on the eve of your eighteenth. I’m hoping this letter arrives a few days before then. Should you like, you can stop by and we can celebrate.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Kane de Sang

🎊 You have been cordially invited to Bellamy Verta’s 19th birthday! 🎊

Flip this card for time, date, and location information.

-

Dear Kane,

I know by now that you don’t read these, but I’ve found myself in a bit of an uncomfortable situation, and I’m desperate for your advice. You always gave the best advice, before. Or you usually did. Sylvia says I need to stop writing to you because I’m only hurting myself, but she doesn’t know you. She would like you if she knew you like I do.

I started seeing someone several months ago. My third relationship now, actually. Quite a lot has happened since my last letter. I am proud to now call myself experienced in the art of homosexual activity!

Anyhow, regarding the matter at hand. Henry is a lovely person who I get on with quite well. He reminds me of you in some ways. However, lately he has been acting differently. To put it bluntly, he has become violent with me on multiple occasions. But then afterwards, he’s always back to his normal, kind self again, and I’m all healed by the next night. All my other friends are telling me to break it off, but he’s not always like this. Only sometimes. And other than that, he’s perfect. But it has been more often as of late. It’s hard to explain it all in a letter. If you are in fact reading these, would you be willing to meet and catch up?

I can picture it now. You would shake me by the shoulders and demand I come to my well-lacking senses. Or perhaps you would complicate matters by exchanging blows with him. I don’t think you would be pleased with the situation. But I believe this can be salvaged, if only I can find the right thing to say to him to make him understand that this is frightening me.

I’m also curious as to what you’ve been up to. I miss you.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Dear Kane,

Maybe you do read these. I’m unsure. I thought I’d send along an update, just in case you are reading and not responding. I know you would have been worried about me if that was the case. I did end up breaking things off with Henry. He did not react well, but it’s over now.

I’m still interested in catching up, should you like to. I apologize if that was too much to put on you. We aren’t even really friends anymore, I suppose. But I’d like to be again.

Despite that bump, things have been pretty wonderful. There are so many things I wish I could share with you. I think you would be really happy here, if you gave it a chance.

7.29e-8%, otherwise known as 0.0000000729%. I think the point at which they start introducing “e” to mathematics is when the whole subject becomes truly irredeemable.

Yours truly, Bellamy Verta

-

Dear Kane,

I anticipate that this will be my last letter. Unless you respond, of course.

There will always be room in my heart for you. I would not be the person I am today without your friendship. But I have a new life now, a far better life than I did before, even if there are still troubles. And, though supportive, my friends are tired of hearing my heart ache for you. I find myself agreeing with them. I’m tired of it, too. It’s been a year and a half.

I wish nothing but the best for you, always. My door is always open to you should you change your mind and decide to get in contact. If I ever have a change-of-address, I shall send notice by mail, so you will be able to reach me.

I suppose this is goodbye. I would rewrite this on paper clear of teardrop stains, but I sincerely doubt you’ll be reading this anyway, so I shall leave it as-is.

I always loved you. I still do.

Bellamy Verta

-

drabbles posted between #40 and #41:

Accident (Epilogue #1.5)

taglist:

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[irondad-defensesquad]

The perks of being a wallflower - Chapter 1

Also posted on AO3!

I spent the entire day writing this. The second chapter will be posted shortly, I hope.

There might be some timeline inaccuracies but the MCU already sucks at that, so bear with me, lmao.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - mentions of bullying, death, suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

To Iron Man,

My name is Peter Parker and you’re my favorite hero! Look, I drew you! Your armor is pretty hard to draw but I tried.

I like building stuff too! I wanna grow up to be just like you one day. I heard you built stuff when you were just five. That’s so cool!

Sincerely,

Peter, age 7

Parker

--

To Iron Man,

Hi! It’s Peter again. Parker. I dunno if you remember me. Did you get my first letter? You must be busy being the coolest hero in the world so I understand if you couldn’t answer.

Anyway I’m going to the Stark Expo! For a whole week! I’m gonna see you up close!! My Uncle Ben is the best. He’s a big fan too!

See you there!

Sincerely,

Peter Parker, age 9

--

To Iron Man,

I can’t believe I actually met you!! Twice!!! You said “nice work, kid”! Did you remember me??

Yeah too bad I’m grounded… I really scared Uncle Ben and Aunt May. But thanks to you I’m okay! This was the best week of my life! Do you think we’re gonna meet again? I dunno but it would be nice.

I hope you’re ok after all that. That Hammer guy is nobody! That’s what he gets for messing with you!

Anyway I have to go to bed, good night!

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Iron Man

Dear Mr. Stark,

Hi, Peter again! How are you? I got really worried… I never thought I’d see aliens like this. Then I saw on TV that you flew right into the wormhole and I got so scared that you would get stuck in it forever…

Do you ever get scared, Mr. Stark? Aunt May and Uncle Ben tell me they’re surprised that I don’t get scared often. But I was really scared something happened to you or to them. I don’t wanna lose anyone else…

We’re all okay though! But I still hope you’re safe now, Mr. Stark.

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

I saw what happened in Malibu and I got so scared! I’m really sorry you lost your home. I was so sad and afraid you were gone, but Uncle Ben told me you’re gonna find a way out of this. You always know what to do, Mr. Stark! You’re a genius! I know you’ll come back somehow and defeat the bad guys, like you always do! I’m rooting for you!

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

P.S.: I tried to draw you again but no armor this time! Because you’re a hero with or without the armor! I hope you know that. Even if I never send you this… or any other letters…

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

Happy birthday!

I actually had a science fair today… and I built my own miniature arc reactor! It’s not as good as yours of course. But I got a pretty good grade! Even if I didn’t win the fair, I was in third place!

There’s this kid Flash, though, I think he got jealous and he tried to break my arc reactor. I didn’t let him! He really doesn’t like me and I dunno why. I never did anything to him. But I guess nobody likes me at school except for Ned, who’s my best friend. We like building LEGOs together.

Okay, sorry for rambling, Mr. Stark. Hope you have a great birthday!

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

I had a bad day.

I mean I guess everyone has bad days. Maybe you have bad days too. But sometimes my bad days are really bad.

Flash is even worse, because he usually just insults me and I ignore him, but he has some friends that do the dirty work. Like today they shoved me in a locker and the hallway was completely empty. It was dark and very tight in there, it was kinda hard to breathe. I screamed for help but no one would hear. I didn’t have my phone so I couldn’t call anyone. Eventually the janitor found me and let me out.

I think I might be claustrophobic like the doctors say. I felt like I was gonna die in that locker…

I didn’t wanna tell Aunt May and Uncle Ben. They’re always busy and I know Uncle Ben is gonna get really angry. Like he doesn’t get angry at me but he doesn’t have to worry. I don’t want him to worry and get upset because of me.

… Sorry for being a downer, Mr. Stark. Sometimes I just really hate school.

Hope you’re ok.

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

Have you ever seen Star Wars? I watched it with Ned and I love it! We binged the movies on the weekend, then we spent all day talking about it and all the theories we came up with.

Ned really gets me, we’re into the same things and we really laugh a lot. I’m really glad to have him.

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

I can’t really sleep.

I’ll be honest, I write when I can’t sleep. And I have to be real quiet or else Aunt May or Uncle Ben will find out and they’re gonna get worried about me.

I dunno, nothing particularly bad happened today. I mean, Flash was a jerk like always, but it never went too far. I just feel something tight in my chest that won’t really go away. Sometimes I find it hard to breathe, like I’m still stuck in that locker.

Now that I think of it, not even Ned knows about the locker thing. I guess only the janitor knows. And you. Kinda.

But I think everyone knows Flash taunts me and they don’t really do anything. But I don’t want my aunt and my uncle getting worked up about it. I feel like my school wouldn’t really care anyway.

…

Would you care, Mr. Stark?

I dunno. Maybe not.

Writing to you helps anyway.

So… thanks.

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

Liz is so pretty.

She’s a girl in my school. She’s not in my grade but she’s in the Decathlon with me. She’s smart and funny and cute and gorgeous…

Flash can tell and yeah, he loves being a jerk about it.

Liz is nice to me. Well, she’s nice to everyone. But she compliments me and I feel all fuzzy inside. It’s so weird.

I kinda hate that I started writing stuff to her too. I’m DEFINITELY not sending that to her. It’s so cheesy!

I think she likes Star Wars. She was super into my conversation with Ned today. And then I couldn’t really concentrate with her eyes on me, totally interested in what I had to say…

Mr. Stark, what should I do? How do you talk to pretty people?? And why am I asking this to Iron Man???

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

I really hate Valentine’s day.

I mean, I like Liz but she already gets a bunch of stuff, obviously, because she’s the greatest girl ever and it’s not like anything I do would be good enough. But all the Valentine’s cards I get are pranks. Once Flash and his friends pranked me and the card told me to wait after school. And I stayed there and nobody showed up. I even bought flowers and chocolate but I threw them away.

I did make a little card though. But it wasn’t that red heart we’re all familiar with. I kinda modeled it after your new arc reactor, Mr. Stark. I’m not really good at art, but it looked kinda cool.

In the end I just gave it to Ned, because he’s probably the only person who makes me feel good. And he loved the card so much. He gave me chocolate in return!

I guess it wasn’t so bad.

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

It’s my birthday! And I got a camera!

I remember playing with my uncle’s old camera as a kid, and he thought I was a great photographer. So he and my aunt surprised me with a brand new camera! I’m also in a photography extra class so I can learn more!

It’s really fun. I actually love analog photography. I love the whole process, the chemicals, that red light in the dark… It's still a laboratory and I’m all for it.

And at least it’s the class where I can enjoy myself without Flash pestering me so much.

I’m having so much fun!

Sincerely,

Peter Parker

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

Sorry for not writing in a while.

First, would you get mad if I told you I went to Oscorp?

I mean, I went there with my school. It was okay, I guess. Though I would rather go to the Avengers Tower if I’m being honest. I dunno why Midtown never arranged it.

Anyway, I took some cool pictures with my camera. But I think I got bitten by something. Then I learned about the radioactive spiders they kept there. It was creepy. I don’t like spiders.

The bite in my hand looks pretty nasty. In fact my hand kinda hurts. And so does my head.

I should probably stop writing.

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

Okay. A lot of stuff happened.

1) I don’t have to wear glasses anymore. When I try, my vision looks pretty blurry.

2) I can glue myself to things and I think that’s worse when I’m too anxious. I literally couldn’t get out of bed one morning without my hands holding my blanket.

3) I can hear EVERYTHING. All the other floors in the building, even whispers or flies, stuff like that. I can overhear Aunt May and Uncle Ben talking or the calls they have to take.

4) My brain sorta screams when I sense any sort of threat. Like when Flash approached and I felt tense all over.

That definitely has something to do with that radioactive spider.

I had a pretty bad fever, my aunt and my uncle were pretty worried. No one really knew what was going on. I’m just glad it’s over. But now I have to deal with these… powers. And I wish I could turn them off. I thought of getting those soundproof headphones, y’know?

It’s so much. I know you don’t have powers, Mr. Stark, but what would you do if you were me? Would you be able to find something to quiet them down?

I can’t really talk to anyone else about this.

Sincerely,

Peter

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

My Uncle Ben is the greatest guy ever. Besides you, of course.

He loves doing everything with me, like watching movies or going to baseball games. I love doing those things too. However, in the middle of the game, I think I had a “sensory overload”, like Aunt May said. Because I was really overwhelmed by all the screaming, the spit, the smells, the lights… I tried to be strong for my uncle but I made the excuse I had to use the restroom. Uncle Ben was going to take me there but I didn’t want him to lose the game so I decided to go alone. I think he could tell I wasn’t okay because he followed me and took me somewhere quieter. Uncle Ben is probably the most patient man I know because he didn’t get angry at me. In fact he suggested we should go home. I couldn’t really protest because I knew I wouldn’t handle the rest of the game with all those loud people.

He didn’t really talk to me on the ride home, but I heard him talking to Aunt May. He was pretty concerned. He said there was something off about me lately. Aunt May just told him to give me some rest for now.

I started crying in my room.

Now I can’t even enjoy baseball games with my uncle. Nor movies. When I found him watching TV, the noise and the light was too much for me. I felt so bad. I didn’t even eat dinner. Aunt May had to leave me some so I wouldn’t go to bed without any food.

I hate this. I hate these new powers, these sensations.

Why can’t I be a normal kid again?

Sincerely,

Peter

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

I can’t sleep, again. Even less now with these powers.

I have so many more questions to ask you, but there’s one I really want you to answer.

I’m a good kid or at least that’s what everyone tells me. I like to play, I’m a good student and I don't bother anyone. I love Aunt May and Uncle Ben, and I know they love me too. But sometimes, I get sad. I don’t cry even if I want to. My eyes are heavy, I know I’m overwhelmed, but I can’t sleep at all.

Do you get sad, Mr. Stark? What do you do when you get sad? How do you not get sad?

I really want a hug right now but I don’t want to wake up my aunt and my uncle, because they have to go to work early. Is it weird to say I want a hug from you, Mr. Stark? Is it weird to admit I wish you showed up at school to save me from bullies and my own powers? That’s stupid, right?

At least you’re never going to read these letters…

Sincerely,

Peter

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

Uncle Ben died.

He’s gone.

He’s really gone…

Ever since that baseball game, I started feeling more irritated. I distanced myself more and more. The bullying at school got worse. I started doing stupid things to my body. I didn’t want to tell you, Mr. Stark, but I began cutting myself again. I kind of stopped for a while but the habit returned. And when Uncle Ben found out, he got really upset. Like, he was more upset that I didn’t tell him I was suffering than he was angry at me being a brat. Even then, Uncle Ben could never bring himself to hate me.

But I was stupid. I ran away from home. Of course, he went after me.

And all I could hear was the shot.

Uncle Ben was lying on the floor, bleeding so much red.

I tried to say I was sorry… but I was too late.

He was gone.

I didn’t even want to go after who shot him. If anything, I killed Uncle Ben. I hurt him and I killed him.

Aunt May cried the entire week. I even stayed with her at night. I knew she didn’t want to be alone.

So the apartment is empty. Lonely. There is no TV airing games or movies anymore.

At least Ned is coming over sometimes or letting me stay over at his house, because I can’t handle that emptiness. It’s worse than loud noises.

I kind of wish Uncle Ben hated me so maybe he wouldn’t have gone after me.

I kind of wish he and Aunt May never took me in.

I wish I was never born at all.

My life just gets worse and worse… What's the point?

What’s the point, Mr. Stark?

I should’ve been shot, not Uncle Ben. He didn’t deserve it. I did.

I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I’m sorry I’m this mess.

I wish I could just die.

--

Dear Mr. Stark,

I think I’m managing my senses now.

I made my own suit. It’s not fancy like your suits of armor, but it helps me focus.

I guess I was inspired by you and Uncle Ben. I could use my powers for good.

So… I’m a vigilante, I guess.

You can call me Spider-Man.

I don’t really do anything interesting but I help the best I can.

School is not really going well, I had to give up a lot of things, mainly sports. That would just draw too much attention.

I have to be there for everyone, or else I know I’m going to face my really bad thoughts. I don’t want them to take over me.

I don’t think I’ll have a lot of time to write, so I want to thank you, Mr. Stark. I know you’re not going to read this, but you helped me in a really bad phase of my life. You still do. I hope you know you inspire a lot more people out there. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man

--

(Chapter 2)

[loversj0y]

hi! i saw you were taking requests so i thought i’d send one your way!

can you write a sapnap x reader where everyone forgets the readers birthday, and they feel really down, until sapnap surprises them with a little cake or something. maybe he reveals his feelings and a sort of friends to lovers type thing? sorry if that doesn’t make any sense <3

this is absolutely adorable and as someone who has always had lackluster birthdays this one felt so indulgent < 3

also i am begging this formats correctly tumblr do Not let me down pls

Birthday Wishes

pairing: sapnap x reader (no pronouns used)

no tws except for like loneliness/sadness mentions

Your birthday had never been a grand event. Without many friends, you never had too wild of a birthday. Ever since you started streaming, you’d hoped that would change. You had a lot more friends now! And you lived nearby a few of them! But when you woke up, it was… practically silent. There were fans on Twitter, of course, but your friends didn’t say anything. Sure, they were all busy people, and that's fine. But you had somewhat higher hopes. Your birthday tended to be a solemn affair in the first place, but with your hopes being a bit higher, it just felt even worse this time around.

Eventually, you decided to do a quick stream, something to just make you feel a bit better. Everyone in chat was super kind, giving the sweetest birthday wishes, asking how your birthday was, and everything. You played it up for them, you didn’t want anyone to know how down you actually were. Yes, you were sad, but you didn’t want people to know or, even worse, think you were trying to make them feel bad. You’d been live for almost two hours when you started getting a bit tired. It was pretty late by this point. You said goodbye to everyone on stream before logging out.

You let your head sit on your desk for a moment before your doorbell rings. With a huff of frustration, you stood, shuffling over to your door. You opened it, fully expecting it to be just some package or something, but instead, you were met with the face of your best friend, holding a small cake in his hands. “Sapnap?”

“Happy birthday! Sorry, I’m kind of late. I was supposed to be here way earlier, but I stayed up late because I was excited to leave, which made me sleep in, and then-“

“Sap, you’re rambling.”

“Right, my bad.”

You opened the door for him to walk in, and he carefully set the cake down on your counter. Sapnap lived a bit far from you, which was a bummer, but honestly, the fact that he’d driven all the way out here for your birthday regardless was incredibly endearing. You’d honestly been developing a crush for him in the recent months, ever since the two of your first met in person, and knowing that he’d do this much for you made you at least somewhat hopeful. “So, what’s going on?” You asked softly, looking up at him.

“What do you mean?” He cocked his head a bit, giving you a slightly confused look. “It’s your birthday, we’re celebrating.”

You let a small smile grace your face, “You drove all the way out here and bought a cake. You actually remembered?”

He nodded, a bit of a goofy grin on his face, “Yeah. Everyone else remembered too, but, I,” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I wanted to be the first one to say it to you, and I had to make my way out here too, so,”

“So you’re the reason all my friends ignored me the whole day?”

He paled a bit, “Well, I mean, when you put it like that-“

You laughed softly, “I’m teasing you. It’s sweet, Sap, really.”

He gave you a sheepish grin, pulling you over by your arm, “C’mon, I’m gonna sing for you.”

“No, you don’t have to-“

“You’re fuckin’ funny if you think I won’t. C’mere,” He beckoned you over, pulling out the cheesiest party hats you’d ever seen, putting one on the both of you. You crossed your arms but no matter how hard you tried to frown, you couldn’t wipe the smile from your face. Especially not as Sapnap began basically scream-singing the words to happy birthday. Once he finished, he beckoned to the candle burning on top. You carefully blew it out, selfishly wishing for Sapnap. He cheered a bit, cutting two pieces of cake for the both of you. You two sat in comfortable silence as you ate your pieces before you spoke up.

"You know, I’m sure half my neighborhood knows it’s my birthday, now.”

“Good, they’d better. And they’d better give you a good gift.”

“A gift better than your singing?”

“Hey, my singing is fantastic. Plus, that’s not my gift. I actually made you something. I mean, I had help, but,” he rubbed the back of his neck, reaching into his bag.

“You made me something? You did that have to do that. Oh, and speaking of help, where are the other boys? They didn’t feel like wishing me a happy birthday?”

He shrugged a bit, “It actually kind of has to do with the present,” he pulled out a gift bag from his backpack, handing it over to you.

“Really? Okay then,” you carefully took the bag, pulling out the card first.

“Don’t read the card yet!” He exclaimed.

You chuckled softly, “Okay, damn, I won’t, weirdo.” You hummed, grabbing the contents of the bag. It was a bag of your favorite candy, a small mug you eyed when you and Sapnap went to target a month ago, and then a small canvas, with a painting of the first in-person photo you and Sapnap ever took together. It was by no means professional quality, but that made it infinitely better. Plus the little cartooned additions of flames and little doodles Sapnap added. You teared up slightly, “Sap, this is amazing. I love it so much.”

He still looked nervous. “You can open the note now.”

You nodded, grabbing the card and carefully opening it.

‘I know I’m not great with words, so I used a card to better put this out there. I’m really happy you’re in my life, you’re a great friend and an even better person. However, I want to ask something. And that is if the lovely birthday person would give me the honor of taking them out on a date?’

You looked up, eyes wide. “Really?” He nodded softly, looking incredibly shy. “You actually like me?”

“You don’t have to be rude about it.”

“No! No I-I’m not, trust me. I just. I like you too, I just never thought you’d actually like me.”

“Wait so. Is that a yes?”

You grinned softly, “If you’d have me.”

His face split into a grin, rushing forward and pulling you into a hug. “Fucking of course I would.”

You hugged him back tightly. “Thank you for the best birthday.” Fastest birthday wish ever.

[botherkupo]

Talk of aroace stuff reminded me of a short story I submitted to a NZ journal. Got told it was a very strong contender but alas. Not meant to be this time

Anyway I don’t have plans to do anything more with it, so enjoy

Empty Chip Packets

I remember my childhood. Bare feet running on grass, dodging the sting of prickles. Pink smears of zinc on my freckled nose. Treasured toys. Squishing hot sand between my toes. Birthday cakes and a little girl wearing a schoolbag far too big. It was an adventure of new beginnings, of finding my place in the world.

“Who’s your crush?”

My friends liked to ask that question. It was an exchange of secrets between us girls, a giggling rite of passage I was expected to follow. But I never had an answer. Maybe the butterflies that were supposed to flutter their wings in my stomach were still asleep. Maybe my heart just preferred to follow its own beat for now, because the boy who made everyone laugh in class was just a boy to me, and I felt no urge to plaster a celebrity’s face on my bedroom walls.

“Who’s your crush? Who’s your crush?”

I got tired of the question. I lied. It was Max, the boy who sat behind me. It was Legolas, that elf guy in Lord of the Rings. I lied so much that I almost convinced myself it was true. Maybe these people were my crushes. Maybe it didn’t matter if butterflies never stirred their wings for me or that no one could colour my cheeks with pink blooms of heat. Maybe someone was cute simply because everyone else thought so.

Maybe.

A boy asked me out when I was twelve. I don’t remember his name, but I know I felt nothing. Not a thing. It was just weird, like being handed an empty chip packet or a flower stem with no bulb. I said yes anyway, because that’s what you do, right? Have crushes, get boyfriends.

We kissed. His lips were a caress of wet awkwardness, lingering like a sticky tattoo. I didn’t like it. Couldn’t. Just looking at him made me feel like I was holding that empty chip packet again—useless, unwanted, but now it was worse. Now, there were bits of crumbs getting stuck in my clothes, under my skin, itching and itching and itching until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

We broke up.

“It’s just because you’re young.”

“You’ll find the right person one day.”

I clung to those words. Clung and clung and clung, even as years passed. Maybe I’d got it all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t boys who could spark something in my blood. Maybe it was girls. But affection was not the same as attraction. Hugs could not satisfy when a partner wanted more. It was a lesson I didn’t want to learn, but it wedged its way through my bones, through the little gaps in my ribcage, and etched itself into my stubborn heart.

That’s when I knew. There was a void carved into my chest where no seeds could grow. No love. No desire. I was a broken thing, viewing people as if they were paintings lining a grand gallery hall—some I admired, some I cherished, but never more than that.

I was stuck following the beat of my own heart, walking a path that didn’t seem to fit anywhere.

“Hamish really likes you. You should give him a chance. Just one date.”

It frustrated me, the way people thought it could be so simple. It repulsed me that someone could like me even if we’d barely spoken. Objectifying. Violating. Their attraction was like nails digging into my flesh, because they didn’t know me. They didn’t know. They saw a pretty face and somehow that was enough.

I wanted to rip their desire to shreds, wanted to throw the scraps in their faces. It was useless. It was all useless.

I wanted to be that child again, running barefoot on the grass, dodging prickles and laughing with my friends. I wanted to squish hot sand between my toes. I wanted to be free from the ghost of the unplanted seed, from the demand to make roots grow from nothing. I wanted the pressure to stop, stop, stop.

But I couldn’t be a child again. I was trapped in a gallery of paintings, trying to find meaning in empty chip packets. I wasn’t supposed to be more comfortable on my own.

Romance is the endgame of life, the final rite of passage before death, or at least that’s what everyone seems to think. Fall in love, find your other half, have kids. It’s the happy ending found in fictional worlds and on television screens. It’s the truth shoved down our throats from birth. Lust is just the in-between, the blood-jumping itch that can only be eased by physical gratification.

There’s no room for someone like me. Not worth a story, not worth a happy ending, forever told that I’m missing out, that I’ll find this fabled One who can touch my blood with thunder and fire, and suddenly everything will be okay. I’ll be normal. I’ll be fixed.

But maybe I don’t want to be fixed. Maybe I don’t have to be.

I’ll carve my own space in this world. I’ll plant the seeds that matter to me. Love for family. Love for a friend. I’ll follow the beat of my own heart and embrace the future with open arms.

Because I was never broken. I never needed to find my other half. I am complete.

I am me.

[nex-thegrimreaper]

“Happy Birthday Y/n” (dabi/Touya todoroki x reader)

Kinktober week one

Warnings-smut,sl

Description- it was y/n’s birthday how could dabi not give her the perfect birthday present?

Word count- idk how to get a word count on this app 💀 nicely long though

————————————————————————

Dabi, he was all you could think about as you got yourself ready for your birthday date with your boyfriend, it was your birthday after all you knew he’d treat you like a princess tonight you couldn’t help but be exited to spend your birthday with the man you love

As you slip on a real dress and put a corset over it, a dress that perfectly hugged your body, and it went perfectly with your lacy undergarments; teal ones they were dabi’s favorite.of course you knew what was coming for you, wearing those on your birthday but you couldn’t help but want it, it was your birthday after all

By the time you got done dabi was waiting outside for you leaning on his blue Pontiac firebird, gingerly lighting up his cigarette with his pointer finger, watching as you exited your door

He looked at you like you were a peice of art

He grabbed you by the waist with his free hand holding his cigarette in the other, kissing you passionately when he pulls away he speaks gently “you look beautiful y/n” you smile at the compliment “if you kiss me like that we won’t even make it to dinner” you say half jokingly dabi chuckles putting his cigarette out before putting his hand on your back and leading you to the passenger side door, opening it for you

You sit in his car, it smells like his musky cologne, which immediately makes you calm beyond belief as he sits down, starting the car again and driving to your favorite restaurant, speeding most of the way there opening your door and grabbing you by the waist as soon as you get there, you get enough sushi to practically feed an elephant or at least that’s what you thought

You kept the conversation nice and light mostly talking about how dabi’s week was because you hadn’t gotten to see him because he was on an important mission, he won’t tell you details however he just thinks you’ll worry upon mentioning your birthday the restaurant gave you free mochi (ps:kinda basing this of my favorite restaurant lol)

When you leave dabi puts his hand back around your waist to pull you to his side, delicately kissing the top of your head “what do you say we head to my place” he says rubbing your side you look up at him, his aquamarine eyes meeting yours “Of course I’d love to” dabi smirks “good I have a present for you” you smile, trying to mask your excitement

When dabi opens your door he grabs you by the hand pulling you up and then he grabs your waist kissing you sweetly wrapping his arms around you when you let go he looks into your eyes “happy birthday y/n” he says, you grab him by the collar and kiss him harder, passionately dabi puts his hands on the car behind you, pinning you there kissing you back just as roughly grabbing your thighs and lifting you up beginning your walk to his door he opens it and carry’s you inside, before you knew it he was laying you in his bed getting on top of you leaving your lips to kiss and suck at your neck, marking you as his

Your core is already throbbing by the time he looks into your eyes and tugging at your dress “y/n can i?” He says pure lust in his eyes “please touya” you say squirming at the look he gives you as whatever control he had snaps “take your corset off” he practically growls knowing he won’t be able to get it off himself

And you comply taking it off and throwing it on the floor as he kisses you sliding his hand up your dress to rub your thighs gripping them slightly the heat of his palms causing your skin to redden while he sucks your neck, making the already unbearable throbbing worse

“D-dabi please” you whine you feel him smirk against your skin “I love it when you beg for me princess” he says delicately sliding your dress up and over you, you watch as he unveils you wearing his favorite lingerie and he shutters smirking “oh y/n” he slips your dress all the way off over your arms “I’m gonna fuck you like a slut” you begin to hump his leg unwillingly as you squirm and he burns your bra off

He admires the view for just a second then looking at you for permission, you nod your head rapidly and he begins to undress himself as you watch him his bare torso sweaty already and his dick practicality breaking his fly in his pants he throws all of his clothes on the ground behind him, well everything but his belt, tying your hands up and somehow attaching it to his bed frame

He then slides your panties to the side and drags his finger up your folds, his dick twitching at the feeling “so wet for me already maybe you really are a slut for me, dollface I’ll to give you everything you want”

He slams his cock into you filling you to the brim as the two of you moan simoltaniously “f-fuck your so tight” he says laying his head on your shoulder he then slowly begins to fuck you looking you in the eyes as your moans fill the room, he kisses you tangling his tounge will yours until you have to pull away for air

You moan aloud your cunt squeezing him still throbbing you look at him with begging eyes “touya please f-fuck me harder” you say “fuck” he says groaning as he grabs your hips fucking into you so hard that the entire bed frame begins to rock making his dick perfectly hit your g-spot

Your almost screaming with the way he’s fucking you when he starts to burn your hips with his hands, letting moans spill out of his mouth you feel an orgasam building in your stomach then you feel his dick heat, almost sending you over the edge

“I-I’m close!” You say not being able to control your volume as he brutally fucks you “me to” he says with a deep groan as he pushes into you with as much force as he can handle “fuck fuck a-ah c-cum inside me d-daddy please”

He moans his own back arching “say it again y/n”

“Cum inside me daddy” you moan out squirming desperately

His thrusts sloppily continue as he squeezes your waist as best as he can his moans getting loud and high pitched he fucks you as deep as he can with a hard thrust spilling his hot cum into you, bringing you to your release as well your legs shaking and your walls tightening

You look up at him as he continues to slam into your sensitive pussy “I’m sorry y/n i c-can’t stop” but he lets your wrists free so you can squeeze the blankets as his thick cum spills and sprays out of your clenching pussy as he fucks it into you “t-touya!” You scream out he desperately kisses you, grabbing and burning his bed frame as he plows into you unbelievably hard

Seemingly out of nowhere you feel a massive knot in your stomach “DABI” you moan and scream as you approach your climax his eyes burning into yours “I’m close too baby, almost there!” He deeply groans

You clench his cock your eyes roll into the back of your head as he relentlessly slams into you he moans out “y/n” like prayers as you begin to screaming as you release squirting everywhere and your lover follows spilling yet another batch of hot cum deep inside you

You both pant catching your breath and dabi gently lays on top of you “that’s my good slut” he says pulling himself out of you with a pop before he gets soft

“I’ll be right back doll” he says crawling out of bed and coming In with some warm wet washcloths to clean you up, but not without watching his cum spill out of your pulsing pussy before wiping you clean then him and then sets them down and retreves some boxers for himself, gently tossing you one of his oversized t-shirts and some of his boxers for you as well

He lays in bed with you and pulls you close kissing you softly and warmly “happy birthday y/n” he says wrapping his arms around your waist as you put your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat as he pulls a blanket over the both of you “thank you for the present” you say “your welcome, anytime” he says with a wink you giggle a little “I love you touya” you say softly “I love you too y/n” he says with gentle sincerity you smile warmly and hug him a little tighter “goodnight honey” you say “goodnight y/n, sweet dreams” he says melting into you

Bonus: the next morning

It was already late in the morning when dabi gently shakes you to wake you up “come on y/n I made breakfast” groggily you say “yes” and he smiles and leaves

You crawl out of bed but soon realize you can’t stand and your knees crumble and you maneuver yourself to fall back on the bed “uhm dabi” you say loud enough for him to hear you and he comes back into the room

“I can’t walk” you say your face reddening he smirks wide “looks like I did my job right then”

A minute later he calls shigaraki on the phone telling him he can’t come into work today because he’s sick but doesn’t even try to lie well it was actually funny to imagine what Shigaraki was thinking but dabi just casually hangs up the phone on him

“I’ll be right back” he comes back with your plate of food along with his and hands you yours as he lays next to you

He then proceededs to take care of you for the rest of the day and cuddles you while you watch some movies and anime

[karskilledme]

Dinner Dates - Polnareff x Fem!Reader

Description - Reader and Polnareff meet for one of their weekly dinner dates and things get sappy. 

Content Warnings - None, SFW

Words - 966

Minors and ageless DNI, 18+ Only

Something about that Frenchmen just set me ablaze. Ever since our adventure to Egypt ended I had to keep making up silly reasons to visit him before all together I up and moved to France for… studies. What could I say, my heart just longed for the cheesy, not so little, flirt. Luckily, and totally not planned, my new apartment wasn’t far from his place but also just far enough to not be obvious. Because of this we were able to have weekly dinner dates, one week at my house and the next at his. It was perfect really but I was still troubled by something. Was his flirtation genuine or just his nature? Every time we met I’d be drowned in a sea of affection that tip-toed right on the edge of platonic and sometimes even further if he had more than one glass of wine. It didn’t help that I was inexperienced in the ring of romance and therefore had no idea what was normal and what was not. I let out a soft sigh and finished up my makeup. Nothing heavy but hey I had to look my best for my Frenchie. Smoothing down my dress and slipping on my shoes I was off. 

The trip to Polnareff’s house was quiet. A nice autumn breeze accompanied me both to my enjoyment and dismay as my hair was now more similar to a bird's nest than anything else. The cool breeze did mean that Polnareff was likely to have the fire going and that meant it was a great excuse to huddle up next to him while we chatted. My knuckles rasped against the wood door before a distant crashing sound came from behind it. Polnareff practically ripped the door off its hinges with a worked-up pant. 

“Mon Cheri! You’re early, come in, come in!” He gushed, ushering me in and out of the chill. “You look so beautiful but that wind really did a number on your hair.” He teased. I pouted and fixed it to the best of my ability but it didn’t matter much, I had seen the man with his hair in much worse states than mine was currently. 

His house was warm with the roar of fire and the smell of delicious food. “It smells great Pol, I hope that crashing I heard wasn’t you dropping dinner.” I taunted. A hearty chuckle erupted from his chest, his blue eyes crinkling ever so softly. 

“I would never do such a thing and let you down. These dinner dates mean too much to me mon bébé!” He exclaimed, his hands shooting in the air for emphasis. A blush crept to my cheeks, not at his usual terms of endearment but at his admittance that the dinner ‘dates’ meant something to him too. “The crashing was nothing for you to worry yourself about.” I only hummed out at his lame excuse and decided there wasn’t much need to push further. 

“So what’s for dinner Frenchie.” I asked, my stomach rumbling on queue. Polnareff took notice of this and flashed me a cheesy grin. 

“It’s a surprise but it’s something sure to sate that appetite of yours. Come sit and I’ll bring it out to you.” He said.

Polnareff guided me to the dining room where our usual table sat unusually adorned with a table cloth, candles, and a vase of my favorite flowers. My lips parted ever so slightly in shock as my hand made way up to them. I turned to the smirking man who stood next to me. 

“What’s the special occasion? It’s not my birthday is it?” I questioned. Once my gaze met his I could feel the dramatic shift in atmosphere. My heart sped up in anticipation of what would happen next. Polnareff's gaze softened before he took my hand in his much larger, calloused one. 

“Mon amour… I can’t hide it any longer, no matter what you may think of me, I must tell you! Je t’aime (Y/n). I love you; I’ve loved you ever since you bandaged me up in Egypt and I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you since.” He paused and brought my knuckles to his lips, placing a soft peck on them before continuing. “The thought of you going back to America after you finish school next month has been driving me crazy. I can’t imagine my life without you now! What do you say (Y/n)?” My heart had long since stopped beating. My breath was hitched in my throat, my brain too busy racing to remember basic functions. Unable to form any sort of coherent sentence I crashed my lips into his. His lips were just as soft as they looked and tasted of his last cigarette and a hint of wine. Initially he was too shocked to kiss back but soon his lips began to work in tandem with mine. His chest was pressed so tightly against mine that I could now feel his heart beating against my own, as one. I hesitantly broke the kiss, tears softly cascading down my cheeks, so much for my makeup. Gently Polnareff's strong hands wiped my tears away before cupping my cheeks. 

“I love you so much Polnareff!” I choked out. He grinned before peppering me in a million little kisses. I felt dumbfounded but also the happiest I had been in a long time. All this time he really had liked me back and I was silly enough to think he could have been teasing me. I smiled at him with all the love and care I could muster. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine mon cherie” He whispered. My stomach rumbled again, earning a laugh from him. “Now let's have dinner!” He cheered before whisking himself from my grasp.

[sequinsmile-x]

Stained Glass Windows - Chapter Seventeen

Life was complicated, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

-x-

Hi friends!!

Thank you so much for the love on the last chapter, this one is a little softer following the one with Karl last chapter. <3

Also, I know in canon that Haley's birthday is in July...but canon doesn't matter here haha

-x-

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: Mentions of blood in this chapter

A full list of warnings for the fic can be found on the Series Master List and will be updated as we go along. Please note that more warnings have been added.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

December 2008

“My head hurts.” 

Aaron smiles fondly as he holds an icepack to Emily’s forehead, squeezing her leg sympathetically with his other hand as she winces. 

“That will happen when you get hit in the head by the butt of a gun.” 

She groans as she leans into him, the thin mattress of the hospital gurney shifting under them, “It’s probably a concussion,” she complains, “I hate concussions.”

He kisses her temple and pulls away from her, “For someone who hates concussions, you sure do get them a lot.” 

She tries to narrow her eyes at him, but it only makes her head hurt more. “Mean.” 

He kisses the side of her head again and apologises against her skin. He rests his forehead against her temple and sighs, breathing in the scent of her, the usual smell of her shampoo tinged with the metallic stench of blood. He feels guilt spread through him, wrapping itself around his throat in an attempt to choke him. He’d been seconds away from stopping her from getting hurt. It made him feel useless, irritation at himself burning in his blood. 

“It isn’t your fault,” Emily says quietly. He pulls away to look at her, and is met by a soft smile, her eyes full of nothing but affection for him, “You couldn’t have stopped him.” 

“If I was quicker-”

“If you were quicker, maybe he would have used the other end of the gun and we’d be worse off,” she says, shrugging one of her shoulders, “I’m ok, honey. My head hurts like hell, but I’m ok.” 

He sighs and nods sharply, knowing this wasn’t the place to argue with her about this. That she’d only get mad at him if he let her know the extent of how much he was blaming himself for this, how much he wished he could protect her, even though she would insist she didn’t need it. 

“Want me to hold your hand whilst you get your stitches?” He asks, pulling away the icepack to look at her forehead again, grimacing at the gash on her forehead. 

She glares at him, and is about to rebuke his offer, to remind him she’s a grown woman and doesn’t need him to hold her hand, but then she looks at him. Sees how he’s barely holding himself together, how he’s so clearly still blaming himself for something he couldn’t have stopped. She might not need him to hold her hand, but he needed to hold hers. 

“I’d like that,” she says, reaching out for his free hand and squeezing it, linking their fingers together. A thought occurs to her and she groans, leaning further into him. 

“What, sweetheart?” 

“I have a concussion and the Christmas party is in four days,” she says as if it is obvious, rolling her eyes at him when he looks confused, “I’m not going to be able to drink.” 

He chuckles and leans down to kiss her before he kisses the tip of her nose before he pulls away. 

“It’s ok, sweetheart. I’ll make out with you in the supply closet whether you get to drink Garcia’s spiked punch or not.” 

___

Ever since the case with Katie Jacobs, Emily had been oddly wary of malls. She couldn’t help but think of the eerie silence of a place that was usually bustling with noise and people as they desperately searched for the missing little girl. She’d think of the things they learnt about Katie’s life, and how she was failed by the people who should have helped protect her. 

“Emmy, you’re holding my hand too tight.” 

She looks down at Jack, the four-year-old staring up at her, and she realises just how much she was gripping his hand. She loosens her hold on him just a little and smiles apologetically as she tries to swallow down the fear she knows she can’t explain to him. 

“Sorry, honey,” she says as they walk slowly, since Jack had insisted he could walk himself and didn’t need carrying, “I just don’t want to lose you, that’s all.” 

“You won’t lose me,” he says confidently, “You look after me.” 

It still shocked her sometimes how much she loved this little boy. How he made her heart feel full in a way she didn’t know was possible. She hoped that one day when he was older, she’d be able to tell him that he was the reason she knew she could have kids of her own, that she wouldn’t turn into her mother. 

She laughs and nods, “You’re right, Jack,” she makes sure they are out of the way and aren’t impeding the flow of people walking around them on a busy Saturday, “You remember why we’re here, right?” 

“It’s Mommy’s birthday!” 

“Exactly, and we need to get her a present from you,” she moves to stand up straight but Jack stops her, his hands gripping at the collar of her jacket. She smiles as he grabs his arms around her neck, “You want me to carry you?” He nods sheepishly and she shakes her head lovingly at him, kissing his cheek as she lifts him, effortlessly settling him onto her hip. 

Buying a birthday present for her fiancé’s ex-wife wasn’t something she ever saw herself doing. Aaron had taken Jack last year, something she had not so gently encouraged as soon as she found out Haley’s birthday was coming up. Emily knew from experience that single mothers were often forgotten, which had become clear to her on her mother’s first birthday after her dad left. Just a solitary card and a bunch of grocery store flowers Emily had purchased on the way home from school. 

It was the first time she realised how truly lonely they were. 

Haley, and Jack, deserved better than that. 

This year Aaron had been called into work by Strauss, something Emily was sure he hadn’t resisted too much since she knew that no matter how much she didn’t enjoy the mall when it was this busy, his hatred for it was ten-fold. She had playfully rolled her eyes at him as he half-heartedly offered to re-arrange the shopping trip for Jack, and kissed his cheek as she made it clear he owed her. Especially since it was the holiday season, Thanksgiving and Christmas both approaching. 

She adjusts Jack on her hip and grimaces slightly at the smell of the greasy food lingering in the air of the mall as they walk deeper into it, her stomach turning at the thought of a slice of pizza that had been left out on the counter under a warming lamp since first thing that morning. 

“So, what are you thinking, sweetie?” She asks, turning her attention to Jack, “What shall we get Mommy for her birthday?” 

Jack shrugs, his attention on her necklace as he fiddles with the chain, “I don’t know.” 

She smiles and thinks about Aaron’s warning before he left that morning, how his son had apparently picked up his complete lack of interest in shopping. It was one of the many reasons she bought Aaron’s clothes for him now, the neatly arranged shirts in their closest almost entirely ones she had chosen. 

“Ok let’s think about it,” she says walking along slowly, looking at all of the stores to try and spark an idea in her mind, “What’s your favourite thing about Mommy?” 

Jack frowns as he thinks, looking entirely like a mini version of Aaron, before he replies, “She always smells nice.” 

She spots a perfume store a few stores down and smiles. She knew which one Haley used, the bottle on display in the main bathroom in the house she once shared with Aaron, and she starts to walk in that direction. 

“I know exactly what we can get her.” 

___

Emily smiles as she stands up straight, arms wrapping around her from behind as she closes the, now full, dishwasher. 

“As always, your timing is incredible,” she jokes, placing her hand over his on her hip and linking their fingers together. 

“I cooked,” he replies, kissing her temple, breathing her in after a long day. 

“Jack went down ok?” She asks, settling back into him as she reaches for her glass of wine, taking a small sip before she passes it to him.

He nods, sipping the wine himself before he puts it down on the counter, “I think the mall wore him out,” he replies, “He almost fell asleep eating his dinner.”

She chuckles, “At least we managed to get the gift,” she says, “That was actually the easy part, he spent a long time choosing the gift wrap.” 

Aaron laughs and holds her a little tighter, “How much do I owe you for that by the way?”

She shakes her head before turning it just enough to look at him, “Nothing.” 

He sighs, “Em-”

“You don’t owe me anything, Aaron,” she says, pressing a kiss to his jawline, “We’re getting married, we’re going to start a family…that means we share everything.” 

Finances had always been a bit of a sticking point for them. She owned the apartment outright when he moved in, although she had since had him added to the lease, and her trust fund meant neither of them would ever have to work again if they chose not to. It was a level of wealth he wasn’t used to, and she worried about what it would mean, what arguments they had ahead of them, when it come to them eventually trying to buy a house. 

“You’re…” Aaron stops mid-sentence, his comment that her buying his ex-wife’s birthday present made him feel guilty lost as he presses his face into her neck as her usual scent, the smell of home, is replaced by something else. Something a little too familiar, “Do you…smell like my ex-wife?” 

Emily groans and turns to look at him, her lips pressed into a thin line as she tries to suppress a smile, “The guy in the store insisted I tried the perfume before I bought it,” she explains, her smile breaking through at the look on his face, “I thought it was a little much to explain that I was buying it for my fiancé’s ex-wife,” she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer, unable to hide her amusement at the half-stunned, half-confused, look on his face, “Is it weird?” 

He nods, clearing his throat as he carefully chooses his response, “It’s a little weird.” 

She leans forward to kiss him, her lips quickly stamped against his, “Well, I could always go shower,” she kisses him again, lingering this time as he presses his hands firmer into her lower back, holding her closer, “You could help me wash it off.” 

He hums, as if considering it, as if she couldn’t feel his interest in the idea pressing into her, “I suppose I do owe you for going to the mall alone today.”

She beams at him and kisses him once more, her tongue licking through his mouth this time, “Damn right you do.” 

___

Aaron’s concentration is torn from his paperwork by a gentle knocking at his office door. He looks up to see JJ standing in the doorway, her eyebrows furrowed as she crosses her arms over her chest. 

“JJ, is everything ok?” 

She nods and clears her throat, “She specifically told me not to tell you…”

He knows that can only mean one thing and feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and he drops his pen down onto his desk, “What’s happened, is Emily ok?”

“She’s fine, she’s in the bathroom,” JJ says, watching as he stands up, getting to the door in a few short strides, “She…has a nosebleed.”

“What?” He asks, walking past her down towards the bathrooms, his eyes flicking to his team's empty desks, “Was Reid doing some of his physics magic again? If he-”

“No it wasn’t Reid,” she says, walking quickly to keep up with him, “It just started out of nowhere. She said not to tell you,” she repeats, “But I knew you’d want to know.” 

He thinks nothing of the fact he’s about to burst into the women’s bathroom, his concern for the woman he loves overriding everything else. He pauses as he spots the entire team standing outside of the bathroom door, Spencer reeling off facts loudly enough that he knows Emily would be able to hear it through the closed door. 

“A common misconception about nosebleeds is that they are simply caused by trauma to the nose, but they can be caused by a number of things such as dry air, irritation-”

He pushes the door open and immediately sees her standing over the sink pinching her nose, a tissue gathered under her nostrils. There’s blood on her shirt and on her hands, and it makes his stomach flip. There's a pile of fresh tissue on the counter next to her, clearly quickly torn from one of the rolls in the bathroom stalls. 

“I definitely feel irritated,” Emily mutters, her eyes flicking upwards as Aaron comes into view, his concern clear. 

“High blood pressure and even-” Spencer continues, his voice even louder now the door was open.

“This is not a team activity, everybody out,” Emily cuts over him, her spare hand gripping Aaron’s sleeve as she holds him in place, “Not you. You can stay.” 

Aaron waits until they are alone, the sound of the team's footsteps fading away, “Are you ok, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah, just peachy,” she quips, and she looks back up at him, her face softening as she squeezes his arm a little, “Sorry, I’m ok. I promise,” she grimaces, “I think it’s slowing down.” 

“Let me look,” he says, gently taking over her hold on her nose and the tissue she had balled up at the end of it. He pulls it away and picks up a fresh one, dabbing at the end of her nose and feeling relieved when he pulls it away and there’s no fresh blood, “It’s stopped.”

“Thank fuck for that,” she says as she stands up straight, turning to face him, “I was starting to get lightheaded standing like that.” He smiles at her and gently curls a finger under her chin, directing her to look at him. He delicately wipes at her nose, ridding her skin of the final smudges of blood. She watches him carefully, smiling at his concentration, at the quiet care he was showing her, “I’m ok, honey.” 

“You had a nosebleed,” he says flatly, a tension in his shoulders that he only ever had on when she was hurt as if seeing her in anything he would consider pain physically hurt him too. 

“And now it’s stopped,” she says, wrapping her hand around his wrist to gain his attention, smiling when he looks up at her, “I’m ok.” 

He nods, balling up the tissue in his hand and throwing it into the trash can, “JJ said it just started out of nowhere?” 

“Yeah,” she replies, wrapping her arms around him, “I was doing my paperwork and it just started bleeding.” 

He chuckles, “You really will do anything to get out of paperwork.” 

Her mouth drops open and she gasps in outrage, but her response is cut off as the door opens, another agent pushing the door open. Her eyes wide in shock at the sight of Aaron standing in the women’s bathroom. There’s a beat of silence and then Aaron clears his throat.

“Excuse me.”

He leaves the bathroom quickly, and Emily follows him, laughing as she gets out into the hallway, leaning against the wall to steady herself. 

“The look on your face,” she exclaims, still laughing as he glares at her, his hands on his hips, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment that he’d only ever let her see. 

“Emily.” 

-x-

If felt right to make this chapter cute, because in canon it would be '100' and...well we all know what happens in that episode.

-x-

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