#like LOL wtf is wrong with people i am just trying to mind my own business and live my life ha ha

[c4rr10n]

im this  fucking close to snapping ngl 

[madbox91]

Today, I caused chaos on Twitter and Mobox and friends didn't like it lol Part 3

I went all out with my new account.

This is where the "chaos" began. I went all out. I didn't think or care on wtf I was saying or did (as you can see in some of the tweets, there's a lot of misspellings because I was just speed running them). It was just slander. Some of the things I said were very ridiculous, most were just saying shit to mobox instead of Nikolai, and only like 2 or 3 tweets were logical and not just ridiculous shit. I was making fucking so much slander that it felt I was running through a field of flowers lol. Of course I'm joking around about that but god damn it, it felt so just entertaining to just constantly tweeting non stop. It was so ridiculous. First Nikolai blocked me instantly and later mobox followed. I have done it. I got what I wanted once again. I was so over joy and also just shocked to see a huge amount of tweets I have made. Seeing them be the first thing you see when you search up "mobox87" on Twitter is so funny to me. Also it's another common L on mobox because thanks to her new attention to me, she is making herself look more bad on Twitter than she already is. Like my tweets has never gotten into huge numbers of views before this happened. The only reason why I made that gimmick account is to fool and get more stupid people into not liking mobox87. I mean it's mobox's fault for me to get a chance at spreading pretty ridiculous misinformation about her to a somewhat shit ton of people to witness it. Remember I didn't got some much attention and attraction from people before this happened and so mobox was just helping me out with this goal in mind. I mean hundreds of people viewing my tweets doesn't seem like a lot but to me it's a big deal for me since I only get like 7 or 10 views out of my tweets so yeah, thanks mobox. I truly think people would believe the shit from my mobox gimmick because nowadays people are fucking stupid. I'm fully convinced that's the case and especially the case for the small and not that popular mobox and mobox related community. Making people have a reaction out of my bullshit has been one of my goals. Especially delusional people with insecurities who try to defend themselves from the shit I say. At the end of the day, bad publicity is good publicity for me if my goals can be reached from it. I want to be mobox's very own inconvenience as possible and also getting a reaction out of it. that is what has happened here

Man such a mobox-like response. Seeing this makes me smile. Like I did that. I'm now part of mobox's ops. She treating me like I'm some kind of villain in her poorly written comics about sexual abuse. Exaggerating everything to make things look more bad than they seem. Huh making people look more bad now huh? I wonder who else is doing the same thin- IT'S ME! Maybe I was right, I am the real mobox87 after all. Btw not the first time mobox has done something like this but I guess she doesn't like it when someone else is doing the same thing to her, especially if that someone is actually kinda speaking facts with their gimmick account that tends to joke and poke fun about her and her wrong doings and now getting attraction. "Oh It's very hard for me to start conversations blah blah blah I don't talk like this 🙁", OF COURSE YOU DON'T FUCKING TALK LIKE THIS 💀

This is why I'm fully convinced that people are fucking stupid here. Like honestly I don't fucking get how people would get fooled by this. Like it's so fucking obvious. Like why bothered making an awareness posts about me? Maybe it isn't about the people, maybe she really wants me to be taken down because I have bothered her or maybe hurt her feelings in some way? Have I caused harm to anyone like Nikolai or something? I have become such a bad inconvenience and problem to her that it's enough for her to make post about me and criminalize me to stop me? Am I really such a bad problem to her now? If that's the case then I have won. Of course she would've done this just for the sake of spreading awareness but still it doesn't make sense to me because I really wasn't getting many attraction to my posts that is worthy enough to get a awareness posts about me. Like literally no one saw them. Is it because to protect her image on the internet or something? Idk pretty uncertain but still see it as a win either way. I guess people really are stupid enough to believe that mobox said, "let me rub my smile and unmatched coolness on your face like a fucking load of cum". If so then who??? You?

[longeyelashedtragedy]

lampard life update

just got the sweetest message from a Very Experienced Social worker i worked with. censoring things that identify the specific place i worked, and my name bc i fucking HATE my name and would rather pretend it didn't exist:

basically this is the kind of feedback i've been getting for the past almost 24 hours--my phone's been blowing up between coworkers and people who work for the City Government (TM). i talked shit on the phone with said Dana this morning (who is...amazing and this very passionate jewish lady who totally plays into my Mommy Issues and she wants to meet me for coffee) and she said she'd act as a reference and gave me some interesting job tips. mind you, i've only known these people since october.

-as i said to protect daniel james i've applied to more jobs in the past 12 hours than frank lampard has applied to in the past 7 months! people are like "you should rest and relax" and like yeah, but i'm not young enough to be on my parents' health insurance anymore and as marieke said, being unemployed in america is scary. being close to broke in nyc is terrifying! i'm stressed as fuck but also never have to enter that trauma pit with the Evil Boss again?

-i was crying last night not even because of me but because of thinking of all the people i work with and support who i didn't get to say goodbye to and i don't know what they will do without my support cause i have no idea who tf will replace me. and whoever does, isn't going to know the context of how to help these people. i literally called some people of my own volition today--i still have access to the city databases that i use--and will have some more calls monday. i cared. i fucking loved my job in terms of the actual duties and responsibilities, and i was GOOD at it when i wasn't being traumatized by, as my New Job Work Bestie said on the phone last night, "a stupid evil cunt." if the shoe fits lol. like literally there are people whose timesheets i sign on fridays and i have no idea who the fuck else can sign them and how will they get paid!!!!! i was frantically texting them at like 11 last night because fuck! that's not fucking right if people don't get paid bc of this evil woman!

-people are advising me to lawyer up and lawyer parents are looking into it. they messed with the wrong bitch! the reason why i am possibly pursuing this is because at the time of my termination~ i had already opened the process of an ADA (americans with disabilities act) accommodation request, feat. a letter from my psychiatrist discussing my PTSD, which is not like. A fun thing to discuss multiple times with multiple people at work, and yet i did. Because i wanted to try to make it work, and all i fucking asked for was to be moved to another job location. My job has around 50 locations. In no universe is that a difficult request, plus, i was asking for a like secondary thing instead which was--fucking staff the vacant position at my job so i was no longer one person doing a two person job.and WEIRDLY, on wednesday i was just told that i WAS getting another person--on monday! she's someone i vaguely know, and we had an amazing zoom talk yesterday afternoon--so like. wtf? the famous dana (see above) said that at the least we could bully them into a better severance package if they were afraid i would sue. The place i worked at is Very Behated in new york and the media thrives on the place getting negative attention.

-another option that occured to me is that i was fired by Evil Boss because she thought i was going to rat her out about things she is doing that are unethical and probably illegal. (i know this sounds dramatic but i won't go into job details in public for various reasons--i already revealed too much in the screenshot!) i was not going to do that, but also i wasn't DEFENDING her and saying what she was doing was okay, and that came to her attention yesterday and she went the fuck off on me. she told me i had to tell the famous dana NOT to inform people that their rights were being violated, and i'm like---I cannot tell someone what to say and not to say, and that would be a REALLY SHADY THING TO SAY? so this bitch probably got spooked. Who even knows what happened but this is clearly one of the most unjust sackings in history 😂 maybe they will hire mourinho to take over my position

-how did i make such a positive impact on 7914433 people while having the most horrific trauma episode since before i started taking meds? damn. i guess i put my whole longeyelashedtragedussy into making connections and truly enjoying them

[museenkuss]

Sorry if you've already answered this but bro can I ask wtf happened to shipping and incest? Like I have been around in fandoms for a long time now and I swear the change between shipping siblings and it being what helps dictate you are vile human happened like whiplash for me. One moment it was fine and another moment you were getting death threats for daring to treat Loki and Thor as more than siblings even though the mcu fandom was sorta chill with it for years. I'm not saying EVERYONE was ok with shipping siblings (like no one should judge you for that lol) but it WAS tolerated for a long time. What happened??? I felt like purity culture sneak up on me. Now shipping incest gets thrown in with 'wrong things that help show you are a bad person' such as a being pedo (no one is defending that hopefully...). I suppose I'm not trying ask if it's moral or not (it's shipping), but more so what the fuck happened and if I should feel guilty and bad about enjoying those types of ships?? Are they truly in the same line as liking gross pedo ships?? Apologies for if this ask stirs trouble, I am just genuinely confused about what happened and why the tolerance for those ships dropped so low and you get called a demon for doing so (everyone knows incest is bad, no one was ever agreeing it wasn't but none of it was real. It was just literally fun...)

You're really summarising some of my own thoughts and questions on the matter. Honestly, I wasn't actively involved in fandom back in 2013 or so, but I recently noticed that same change as well! For example, for the longest time I wasn't even aware that people were opposed to the Thor&Loki ship based on the incest factor and the most contact I had with wincest at the time was a gif set where apparently someone asked JP during a con what he thought of it and he said "I don't think they think it's real, it's just a hot fantasy" - I remember that post so vividly because I saw it and went "yeah, makes sense" and went back to my 2014 posting. In 2020, my first introduction to the spn fandom was a BLOCK LIST with blogs who post wincest content. A BLOCK LIST?! that was so absurd and laughable and honestly made me feel so bad about fandom in general. So, yeah. I definitely agree with you, there has been a huge shift in fandom culture as to what is seen as "approptiate shipping behaviour".

Firstly: I do of course understand why people might be uncomfortable with the topic. I understand that it can be triggering, too. This makes this topic a complicated and layered one, but I don't think it means we should erase the theme from all pieces of fiction. I also don't think making others feel miserable, sending death threads or other witch hunts of the sort to strangers on the internet is justified in ANY way. Now as for your questions —

What happened? Honestly, no idea. I wonder if it's a side effect of websites being made more and more "kid friendly", banning nudity and swear words and all that to appeal to advertisers. Maybe the kids being raised in this environment adopt those mind sets? I'm not sure.

Should you feel guilty for enjoying those kinds of ships? Absolutely not. Incest can be a very interesting trope for many reasons - it can be used in gothic settings, it can be used as a "forbidden love" trope, etc. Some people make it a point to say that they like it but ONLY if those stories are dark and evil and metaphors for abuse etc, they're not like those nasty creatures who think it's "hot". But, honestly, I always get back to JP and his nonchalant reaction. "It's a hot fantasy", and voilà. I don't like it when people insist on feeling shame or - even worse - making others feel shame for meaningless things like that.

Which brings me to the idea that enjoying incest ships (for whatever reason, be it because the relationship is intricate, rotten and terrible or because it'd be hot) makes you a bad person - that's ridiculous. "Incest harms real people", yes. So does murder. I hope we're not using this logic to hunt down everyone who likes fictional murderers. Enjoying a specific dynamic in fiction does not mean you would encourage this behaviour in real life. It also doesn't mean you'd put anyone in real life in danger or hurt them. It means you enjoy this specific dynamic for one reason or another, that's all. So please, don't make yourself feel miserable for something like this.

There is also the fact that incest porn (as in, real porn where real people are filmed acting out fantasies for other people to get off to) is so incredibly popular. In the logic of the purity culture fandom people (who seem to ignore this fact and focus on random people drawing or writing about fictional people btw), this would mean that many, MANY men (who those videos are usually aimed at) secretly want to fuck their siblings, step mothers, etc. I sincerely doubt that that's the case. Instead, I think it's a sign that sexuality is very complex and we can't just narrow it down to "you think this is hot = you're evil rotten and morally corrupted"

I also have to bring up one last point: This shift in culture is not limited to fandom, although fandom people seem to be extremely loud and ruthless about this with their witch hunts. I've seen people act this way about Lolita by Nabokov and other pieces of literature, for example. Frankly, it's embarrassing to see. It's sad, too. Can people not interact with fiction anymore? Not every piece of fiction is meant as a moral indicator, we aren't 10 anymore and not every piece of art has to be Dr Seuss or Aesop.

This got very long and I don't want to get too off track, so to sum up: I don't think you should feel guilty for enjoying incest ships or themes in fiction. Really, that's your personal business and not anyone else's - and I mean that in a positive way.

I hope we as a culture grow out of this phase soon and we can all go back to having a relaxed, healthy approach to shipping/fandom/literature/art by avoiding what we dislike and focusing on what we enjoy.

[manias-wordcount]

Have a request? Read me!

Okay so ive been running this shit for about a year and a halfish i think its time to talk about how i work. though before we start i just wanted to say im thankful for everyone who supports me or just reads a work of mine. it means the world to me and i enjoy being able to share my writings with a bunch silly and lovely people like y’all !!! 

General Rules for my blog!

Please don’t ask me for any personals information lol

like actually

this includes stuff like my age, where im from, etc. 

i share what i want on my own private time sooo like

dont ask teehee

Please dont make SA jokes in the comments of my stuff xD

i wish i was joking.

i understand some people use humor to cope

but thats no excuse to be joking about bringing out the rape whistle when a unpopular background character is staring at you

like i really wish i was joking but yeah

Don’t be rude in general in the comments of my stuff lmaoo

like its genuinely annoying.

it’s 10000% okay to not agree with my vision for how a story goes or how a character should react

but if that’s something you want to tell me, do not be rude about it lmaoo like where are your manners

like if you dont agree, you dont agree but neither of our word is law soo...

also dont fucking shame requesters or commenters if they’re actually doing nothing wrong

i’ve had way too many people complain or shade other’s completely reasonable requests like wtf???

but yeah practice some self-awareness before you speak your mind sometimes? 

you are not the only person in the room

okay rant over teehee

Some of the stuff on my blog contains sexual material

I really try to give warnings ahead of time

but don’t be afraid to point out if there's something else that probably needs a forewarning

also my words are not gospel

shit can be dramatized (im whore)  or romanticized for convenience of storytelling (im lazy) so if youre using this stuff to learn about sex uhhh

maybe dont?

Some of the stuff on my blog contains some dark themes

i also try to be transparent about those things as well

but for the record im in no way glorifying these dark themes

though as someone who is both creative and has seen/gone through so shit i do explore and work through some of these topics to myself as a person and as a writer!

Request Rules and Guidelines

i’ll write anything!! (within reason)

i think you guys can guess a bit about what “within reason” means

and i know the fact that i dont have a “NO LIST” can be inconvenient

but if you’re unsure if ill write something you want? just ask!

you can always ask in dms or in my inbox! either is fine  

that means i have the right to deny anything too, of course

long story short, y’all dont pay me LMAOO

i usually wont deny something but i will if it’s...

one: requested while my requests are closed (im sorry but no more means nomore!!!)

two: goes against what i believe in some way (i doubt anyone is going to request something political or bigoted so im talking shit like the fact that i will never write anything that takes place in the state of New Jersey USA because  i hate that place so much WHHAHAHAHA

three: you were mean to me AHAHAHAHAHAH

yeah this list isn’t long and very hard to get but i did want to make this transparent

before anyone starts requesting some new jersey aus..........

be respectful !!

not only am i human, im truly am doing this for free (for now, at least) and on my own time

though you should treat people who charge for their work with respect too.

its hard out there for us lil creators lmao

sometimes, less is better.

Super detailed requests can be tricky to navigate.

Again, im doing this on my free time and i average around 1K-2k words depending on what my life is looking like at the moment.

sometimes a super detailed requests require multiple parts that might not be released for a long time.

Or i struggle with getting a story im proud of putting my name while trying to respect the request.

If you want specific details to make the experience more personal to you, go for it

but do you really need to tell me what your request is in 11 full-length  sentences? do you really HAHAHAH

also if i aske you to explain something, please be able to explain it bc im not a mind reader and this guess and check thing is kinda stressful

try not to rush me lol

Im checking my blog everyday.

I see your requests and i promise im (most likely) not ignoring you.

i have other hobbies, and a life too, and possibly 20 requests ahead of you.

i try to get everything out asap but sometimes that’s like 2 or more months

BUT if you’re scared that your request may not have made it through the hellsite, send another one asking if i got the request! 

i’ll respond to that one if i have!

PLEASE TELL ME WHO AND WHERE THEYRE FROM IN YOUR REQUEST

like actually teehee

It stresses me when i just get a request and all that's included is the situation the requester wants and the character’s first name. Give me the full name or tell me where they’re from before i scour every single series i write for to check for repeat names

its not that big of a deal but im scared of fucking up for you guys aaaaaa

If you send me a weird or rude request as anon, im just going to delete it from my inbox for both of our sake

cough cough THINK LIKE NO PEDOPHILIA LIKE ACTUALLY

and im not gonna specify what i mean by “weird” beyond that just because it’s very much a random situation

im not naming anons but just kinda think ahead of time what you’re asking me (a stranger) to do and publish for you

maybe uhhh...check my masterlist before requesting?

i know its daunting

i know i have a lot on there

but there might literally be exactly what you’re looking for on there HAHA

if not though, absolutely go forward with requesting !!!!!!!

even if what you want is something similar to what i’ve already written, a few changes make a huge difference!

but when in doubt about characters or stories i’ve written before?

check!

if have the right to change the way i write a request (unless specifically stated otherwise)

all this means is that every request (unless a HC is specifically asked for) will start off as being written as a full length average Mania™ fic

if for any reason i decide it would be better in a different format, then i will change it (ex: fic  => hc)

UNLESS YOU SPECIFICALLY ASK FOR A CERTAIN FORMAT

then ill keep true to that format no matter what happens 

but yeah ! that’s it for now at least. ill update this post if theres more hehe. also if you have questions, just dm me or put it in my inbox :)

[aina-otsuki]

I lost a fucking bet today! So now I have to post past conversations with my friends. Why? Because that’s was I’m supposed to do when and if I lost. So please don’t mind this weird shit! Please and thank you!! :)

Literally A Legend 

I HATE HERCULES!

Literally Annabeth Chase

Me too, but low key I’d admit that zero to hero is a bop

Me

So, true but man If you really think about it. He really is every other fucking guy :/

Literally A Legend 

I get why our Lila hates him but why do you hate him? Isn’t he like the ideal type for Straight and ready to mingle people?

Me

First of all he’s an asshole in the real Greek myths. Second, he’s not my ideal type. DO YOU THINK I HAVE SUCH LOW STANDARDS IN MEN??!!!!

Lowkey A Nerd 

No, cuz u right. He takes after his father in the HIGHEST degree. I have never loved how in PJO Alaska was off limits for the Gods. So glad I’m on vacay!

Me

Yeah, you were a bitch and left us stranded. Which is betrayal!

Literally A Legend 

Castaways~

Literally Annabeth Chase

We are castaways~

Me

Ahoy There!

Literally A Legend 

Ahoy!

————————————————

Literally A Legend 

AHHHHHHHHHHH

FUCK THE WORLD I HOPE EVERyONE BURNS expect you mi sole. **** you’re a saint to this hell of a world. 

Me

Thank you?Are you okay?

Literally A Legend 

Yep just having depression and some tiny very small suicidal thoughts but don’t worry I’m not actually going to hurt myself. I’ve been working on doing better habits than you know…

Lowkey a Nerd

Lol sucks to suck. 

Literally A Legend 

Go suck and Choke on a D!ck then die.

Me

OKAY! Anyways what’s up?

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking 

Wtf did I just walk into?

Me

NOTHING!! We’re moving on from the subject.

Literally Annabeth Chase 

alright, *Gasp*

Literally A Legend 

Did you just text gasp?

Literally Annabeth Chase

yes, anyway think about this. A fucking book being much more effective as a weapon than a phone…

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

whay brought ths on?

Me

What* this*

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

FUCK OFF!

Me

 >:(

Literally Annabeth Chase

wtf is wrong with you!?

Literally A Legend 

Not cool, being rude to our sol like that.

Lowkey a Nerd 

Like how dare you. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!

Me

Okay that’s a bit dramatic. Anyways Lila what were you going to say?

Literally Annabeth Chase

Oh, right!

So, the funniest thing ever just happened!

I was told to “Act my Age” right?

Me

Okay 

Lowkey a Nerd 

Cool that’s like the 5th time

Me

shhh… Jason (Literally A Legend) doesn’t need to know that. 

Literally A Legend 

Wt o u mean it te 5h time??

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking 

I cannot read that whatsoever. **** (My real Name was here) translate, you hang around him so much that you might be the only that knows what stupidity he says most of the time

Me

That’s kinda mean but okie! Translation - What do you mean it's the 5th time?? Anyways Lily continue on with what you were saying.

Literally Annabeth Chase

Kinda, forgot about what I was saying for a sec, lol.

So, an old Karen told me that and I told her “What the fuck is that, ‘Act my Age?” She said “Don’t you care about acting like a grown young lady?” “What do I care how fucking old I am? Like the ocean is so old, Karen. But you still see it trying to drown your ass with vigor.” 

She just gasped and looked at me. “You’ll go to hell with that language, young lady. How could your parents let you become such a sinner” 

Lowkey a Nerd 

The fuck? She has to be one of those funky ass Christians who tell Carlos to go to Hell.

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

She sounds like them. So, probably.

Literally A Legend

So, what happens next?

Literally Annabeth Chase

I ended up telling that “my parents left to get gas when I was 5, that’s how I’m like this ma’am.”

Big Ass Giant

Wow

Literally A Legend 

Where tf did you come from? 

Have you been lurking this own time, Vesper?

Big Ass Giant

Yup! :)

Me

Coolio! B)

————————————————

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

Go to hell Big Ass Giant

Big Ass Giant

But then I’d be leaving you without anyone to keep you company. :(

Me

:O

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

STFU ****

————————————————

Context - A one of my friends was being a little shit.

Big Ass Giant

You know **** if you were an actual decent person then maybe people wouldn’t want to avoid you or stop talking to you.

Me

You know, that if you keep running your mouth so much, you’d be the skinniest person here?

Literally A Legend

Damn, she got chu good

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking 

And you guys say I’m the meanest.

Me

It wasn’t mean. It was a fact

Big Ass Giant

Betrayal! How could you have betrayed, me my dear star 

————————————————

Me

 Now that I think about it, Literally A Legend you could and do trip over your shadow a lot.

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

Wait, really? 

You need to film it for me next time.

Literally A Legend 

Fuck off. Also my shadow is an extremely tricky big asshole. He likes it when I fall to his level

Lowkey a Nerd 

How do you know it’s a he?

Literally Annabeth Chase

OmG! Don’t start this shit again!

Literally A Legend

Holy Shit you right! My shadow might be Nonbinary!

Me

Now look at what you did… :/

————————————————

Me

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking, at least try and say something positive or happy today. It might help drown out the negativity!

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

Well, my dad’s dead! :D

Me

I know your dad was a huge Asshole but ykw from you I’ll take that answer. I mean it’s close enough! :)

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

:D 

YAY! Are you proud of me? 

Me

 I mean it’s close enough! :) 

So, yes I am.

Big Ass Giant

I’m genuinely concerned with your sanity **** (talking about me). But good job Biggest Gay Disaster Walking, you made mother happy

Me

stfu, I’m not your mother

Literally A Legend

Mama

Lowkey a Nerd 

Mama

Literally Annabeth Chase

Mama

(They typed this at the same time btw)

Me

…Not one word Big Ass Giant

Big Ass Giant

\{. __ .|||

————————————————

Literally A Legend

Look at our lovely Sol, she's smiling! So, she’s obviously perfectly fine

Biggest Gay Disaster Walking

She’s not smiling because she’s fine. She is smiling because she’s completely terrified of the trauma we faced.

Lowkey a Nerd 

That’s pretty much the same thing… 

————————————————

See ya soon for a sneak peak on A Star Meets The Sky!

[strawberryezpls]

why will i always feel like this?

I literally hate everything and I understand why i wanted to kill myself so bad whenever i did (back in may lol) ummmmmmmmm this time around of the year is lwokey a little bit triggering because i was just depressed as fuck! and why is my mom making me give my father money for my own good(like a charity) when i don't see or even heard of them doing that to my grandparents like ever? and it doesn't look like it ever did them any good. I graudte from community college this year and i can finally go live in he dorms WHICH IS A ECCESITy cuz if im not living in the dorms im still not living at home. It actally crazy how i have zero support from my family at all. Like they all tell me to study hard and get good grades and blah blah but it's like once I try "oh why aren't you helping around the house" and its not a good feeling. Omg and I think i have autism like for real, or something cuz i have all the traits and i would just be a high level of mask. or am i just overlooked and im not realling masking i'm just brushed off as that's just me. imagine it really is just me. I also don't feel like living for anythign rightnow. I did see nicki minaj yesterday which was ENLIGHTENING she was like 2 hours late but idc and i somehow didn't get caught hehehehhe. um i have to get my wisdom tooth out in like 3 weeks and my finals are almost over. Omg that bullshit about me waiting for the right guy bitch I went right back to the guy i left for the clairty of my mind. and then we've been together ever since. But here's the thing he said hes observing now bc of the way we handle arguments. Like shouldn't you know what you want and how you want it. idk sometimes i feel like im being used and i don't understand how why he even wants me around i feel like i don't do anything for him at least emotionsally or mentally or like what i'm supposed to be. Which like i was fine with being in a sort of situationship with him since january but i think since we wenton our first one on one date a little after valentines that we would be together together but i guess not. And i don't really want to be with a amn now that's like im observing bc of the way we agrue which is like whatever. also wtf is knock knock ginger? sorry i'm listening to a podcast. omgi think being in ramadan which i s gonna sound sad and probably wrong for a moment but bare with me. like everytime Ramadan comes around i just don't feel good bc i feel like i was taught islam wrong like i just don't believe everything or anything someone from my country is saying abt it spefically my dad. like it just gets me so angy bc i could've been those girls who love their religion and I wanna do that but I want there to be people who als understand me and shit. I really love how im college educated but you would think 9 year odl wrote this pls. speaking of idk how imma do it living with a random person like i don't evn like living with someone else, like i love my bed yall. i also need a car with a door handle and the bumper not falling apart. I also wanna be boy free for a while bc it's just something abt it yk. I also don't trust anything anyone is saying and everything everyone says no matter who it is is annoying as fuck and they need to stop talking and im talking abt people who i don't even know too. Like why is everyone annoying all of a sudden b4 i didn't feel like that. wait it priobanyl bc i have to fucking be sober for the next month. saye but at least i get to turn up on my birthday I think. idk i'm scaed to smoke too early ater my surgery. which speaking of i NEED to do something fun and i need tolook good on my birthday like fr. Like i would want to do something even by myself just because i deserve it but my parents be pocket watching me like its not my money. anyways i really wanna get my lashes and nails done really bad. I think I'll just buy a wig and wear it that day and then i could get my own outfit yk. I literally cannot wait broooooo I don't know where imma be eating and whos ocming and whos not yk but yeaaaaaaa. I got too many people who would overlap and i don't want to

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON, 2018) ANYALYSIS-PART 1

I never know how to begin these things so let’s just dive in.

Jensen and Misha enter the stage as Alex is leaving. Jensen commends Alex and Misha whistles and Jensen says don’t hurt my ears or something. And so it begin. Misha says he regretted it [whistling] immediately.

 I’m hard of hearing you know why because I whistled. This joke didn’t land Misha. Sorry.

Jensen says “Hey” like he wants to say something to the audience but Misha does this weird thing where he runs his index finger down his nose and touches his chin.

I think this was Misha trying to communicate his disappointment that Jensen didn’t get the joke. He wanted him to get the joke. Misha e tries to find his seat so he could sit but Jensen catches on that Misha needs him so he says, “Hey what? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” Aww :)

Misha leans his ear closer to Jensen and says, and Jensen leans even closer and they have this back and forth banter about not hearing what the other is saying.

To mention something personal, I am usually very uncomfortable when people lean into me, I like my personal space unless it’s someone I’m really close to and even then not always will be with them getting up close and personal.. They seem okay with it so good for them I guess. Personal space who?

“I don’t understand your accent” Misha says. I don’t know if this is an inside joke because Jensen says “shut up,” playfully and they sit down.

Jensen applauds Alex and Misha whistles again and Jensen has to look away faux disappointed because they just talked about whistling. Misha!!! Stop being naughty.

Jensen even rubs his ears to show that he can’t hear properly. LOL.

That’s like super loud dude.

 I actually find it really weird when Misha and Jensen call each other dude. It sounds unnatural because Jensen often calls other men-pal, bud, or man and Misha usually uses people’s names or says my friend so and so. So maybe this is what they call each other? I know when I talk to my bf or my friends I call them dude (gn) especially when I’m shocked about something. So, it’s not a biggie. Just noting this because they do this a lot with each other.

Misha does this super cute shoulder shrug with the biggest grin on his face. How can a grown ass man be that adorable. I don’t know how he does it but well he did it and it’s adorable. No wonder Jensen wants to put him in his pocket and take him home.

“I’m compensating.” And he looks at Jensen with this shit eating grin on his face as if challenging him and it’s like Jensen looks like he can’t breathe for a second it was literally three seconds.

 “[compensating] For a lot of things that’s wow.” Jensen says. Misha keeps grinning. Of course Jensen would know what Misha is compensating for wouldn’t he?

 Should we talk about Alex?” Jensen asks looking at Misha.

Loudly “Yeah.”

“No I don’t think so.”

What did you ask how was the pantheon? 

Jesus I love their madness. They play off each other so well.

They say they are working on teaching alex to talk about inappropriate things.  Side note: It’s funny though because Alex looks like their love child. He looks like Misha, and to some extent Jensen, his hair, sense of style and even the way he carries himself is all Jensen. So weird. What if –What if---nvm.

Jensen mentions he remembers his first season of spn. Misha looks at Jensen and says no you don’t [remember] and Jensen agrees that he doesn’t. Yes finish each other’s sentences why don’t you? He says he doesn’t remember that far back and Misha has this far away look as if he is trying to remember something and starts laughing and Jensen has this smirk on his face. IDK what is going on but these are moments I wish I could read minds.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha though.

So Misha mentions how Jared pranked Alex during the tattoo scene of s13x02. The moment Misha mentions Jared, Jensen stops smiling.

Knowing what we know now about the fallout I want to mention something. When Misha talks about Jared and his prank on Alex Jensen doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about that. Hmm and he circles back to talk about Alex then he calls Jared a toddler? But Misha makes it sound like Jensen was referring to Alex by saying easy prey . 

Misha shows the face Alex makes when they are on set together because of the pranks and the jokes.

Jensen adds, “Do you know how many times I’ve seen you do that?”+  Jensen is so excited. I mean anyone who says this is PR then they are crazy. You can’t fake emotions like that no matter how good of an actor you are.

‘The way Jensen calls Misha ‘this one’ It sounds so couply. Like when one half of a couple says, “this one is always a crying mess when we watch the notebook” or something akin to that. Any that’s just how I interpreted it, I could be wrong.

And this is how Misha is looking at Jensen when he says “this one”

That moment when Misha touches the back of Jensen’s neck and Jensen touches his thigh and they think it’s too gay because because Jensen acts like he just touched dirt and Misha brushes off his thigh and smells it. Now that’s acting.

Jensen checks Misha out (he specifically looks at Misha’s arms) and then asks “how’re you doing bud?”

Misha says good and that cringe moment about clothes sharing starts and oh I can’t look…okay I had to look  because cringe. But the way Jensen is looking at Misha is giving me the courage to and also I had to for the sake of this analysis I had to look.

“This morning Jensen was like, ‘hey, here’s that shirt you wanna borrow that shirt to wear to the convention today and I was like ‘no dude I’m not wearing your shirt to the convention to the convention’ and he’s [Jensen] like don’t worry it still has tags on it it’s fine. And I’m like no thanks , I’m not gonna wear your fucking shirt to the convention. And then at lunch I spilled salad dressing all over my shirt like sweet so thanks for the shirt.”

The whole time Misha is telling the story he’s not looking at Jensen he’s looking at the crowd. Jensen on the other hand is checking Misha out while biting his bottom lip. There’s a lot to unpack here.

Jensen:  ‘I knew. Umm..”

Misha:  “You are like Misha didn’t bring his bib today so…”

Jensen:  “He didn’t bring his bib? We are probably having you know some pretty----no I was literally have a shirt that I brought that…cause I try to wear something new for every time there are pictures being taken of me just cause that’s the culture we live in now…”

Interrupting moose enters.

*I will do a comprehensive analysis on the clothes sharing confessions, lies and half truths in another post. Boy (gn) do I have tea.”

I think when Jared is giving Jensen the balloons Jensen asks him if Daniela or someone else sent him to join them but I think he came of his own volition.

Jared is asking Jensen to untie a balloon for him but Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled

Misha must’ve noticed the tension between those two so he asks, “how good a knot did you tie?” 

Jensen’s like, “You know what? I tie a knot that a professional knows how to tie.” Okay kinky, tell us more about knots Jensen. (Sorry for this but knowing the A/B/O or rather the Omegaverse was started because of Jensen and now he’s  talking about tying a knot and…you know what nvm)

Misha pretends that what Jensen is saying is sus so he and Jared have a back and forth wondering what Jensen is talking about as Jensen unties the balloons. Yeah sure Misha like he hasn’t tied …you know what? This is getting uncomfortable even for me. Can we move on?

But Jensen won’t let me move on because he’s like, “seriously that’s how you tie a knot.” Of course you’d know sir

Jared adds, “Or it’s not” can someone shut this man up, please.

Jensen doesn’t like his friend’s joke and he has something to say about it,  “Did he have to join us?” Was this a joke? Was it serious? Who knows but recent events seem to suggest that he might’ve been serious but made it look like a joke.

Jared asks for one balloon and Misha tries to reach for one but Jensen keeps pulling them away so Misha can’t reach. This is so playful and adorable. Misha snags one finally then gives it to Jared. One flies away and he tries to reach for it but he’s not tall enough. 

“Do you want some help?”  Jared asks and laughs then Misha gives him the finger. 

Jensen gets grumpy after Daniela brings Misha a colourless balloon so he hits it with his microphone then he hits his and  sits on it and pops it. Fuck that was hot for some weird reason. I could watch him pop balloons all day.

Misha and Jared’s reaction when Jensen sits on the balloon.

Misha tries Miserably to pop his, Jared can’t look, Jensen is still grumpy but the more Misha struggles the happier Jensen gets and he even manages a smile.

This was hilarious though. Their face journeys.

Jared brings a watermelon and gives it to Misha but Jensen slaps it out of his hands and shows he doesn’t want him to do it from the way he’s waving his hand.

The only thing Jensen wants Misha to wrap his legs around is his waist, or his neck or shoulders or whatever. I don’t know which method of wrestling they prefer, I’m not a professional wrestler I mean I’ve watched WWE a few times but-

Jensen seems happy, I don’t know what Misha says to him before he sits but Jensen seems okay until…

Jared hands Misha the pink balloon holder and says, “You gonna want this for later,” 

Misha doesn’t look too happy about it either but he’s always a good sport. Poor guy, so he plays a long and looks at the holder which interestingly is pink and phallic. I know Jared was joking and yeah the joke wasn’t that funny but Jensen is super pissed because he asks, “Is he?” looking at the balloon holder.

Jesus Jensen wtf? But I honestly understand him, I mean why would Misha need that weird cheap plastic thing when there was the real thing waiting someone in a pair of Levis.

Jensen says, “well… some parts of this”  I can’t quite make out what he says.

Misha tries to make it a light moment by saying it looks like something horrible happened and that gets Jensen to laugh and then Misha bends over to uh..to drop the melon and the phallic object and Jensen’s eyes shoot right down the citrusy-juicy stone fruit goodness. He catches himself looks away and then looks at the crowd while chewing on his bottom lip.

Okay sexual jokes are fun but not every time Jared. I mean c’mon, not everything is a gay sex joke. This is the one thing that sells him out as a straight dude. He makes way too many gay sex jokes it’s not even funny.

They have this weird back and forth about Jared having some notes. Argh. It’s weird. It’s like they are fighting. You see how girls fight and act like like they aren’t fighting but you can sense the seething anger in the undertones of their voices? That’s the vibe I get here. Even Misha is confused because he keeps looking between the two wondering why notes are so important of a discussion that warrants a back and forth. Or maybe it’s just me. IDK.

Misha has to jump in and save the day “He’s [Jared] is just looking through for pictures] Misha explaining to Jensen why Jared has to read the script forty times while Jensen only reads it once.  WTF is going on boys? You were doing so well before and now things seem totally awkward *cough*fallout*cough*

Jensen looks totally done like he wants to be anywhere but here, seriously look at him.

It gets so awkward so much so that Misha has to prompt a fan to ask a question. As I said earlier, no one is such a great actor to fake emotions. Jensen keeps proving my theory. Something was going on with j/2 that day and no matter how hard they tried to mask it, it came out and it wasn’t pretty. Then again, maybe it’s just me and nothing was going on.

A fan asks how they like stories to end and  before he can answer, Misha quickly glances at Jensen then goes ahead and explains how he likes the story to leave him on a cliffhanger.

Misha has barely finished talking before Jensen chimes in with a “I Do NOT!” Look at Jared’s and Misha’s faces. Something was clearly going on and I think it had something to do with the show because Jensen didn’t seem okay since Jared came on stage. He says how he wants a finality to things otherwise jerks. They were clearly talking about the show, Jensen, for a good actor you are acting really weird. It is about the show because he says, “we are just dead”  Something very weird was going on. Maybe at this time they already had had their meeting with TPTB in LA and he was told to take it or leave it and Jared and Kripke didn’t even hear him out. My poor baby, Do all the spin offs King and you should star in all of them like you deserve.

He even says that spn dying is not a finality. He looks super pissed. What did these people (Jared and tptb) do to him? They broke him. He was doing so well.

Luckily a fan asks them if they can dance so Jensen goes to the wheel and Misha gets up. I think he knows Jensen is angry and he has to try to make his man happy the best way he can. Jared is suffering from second hand embarrassment as am I. Jared can’t look, same Jared this is so cringe. But Jensen can’t help himself, as he is coming back from spinning the wheel he checks out Misha’s citrusy-juicy goodness again 🍑

Misha please stop. I love you but this is embarrassing. Okay so let me look at Jensen instead. He looks like those gentlemen waiting for the debutantes at a debutante ball because of the way he’s standing looking at Misha dance. Subtle sir. Very subtle. I mean if my friend was dancing like that I’d be laughing at them not watching longingly. Just saying, but that’s just me.

The way Misha looks at Jensen and starts rolling his hips. Sirs, can you not do your mating dance in public? There are children in the audience. 

Even the way Jensen cues in the music so he can dance looks like he’s in the Victorian era asking the music master to play the song he asked to be cued in so he could dance with his sweetheart or something. Am I going crazy? I’m going crazy.

The whole dancing scene was just cringe.

Mish explaining what Castiel does when the boys go to sleep 

Hold on, when Jensen asks what Castiel does when the Sam and Dean are asleep in their respective bedrooms, he made sure to emphasize respective bedrooms and we all know the reason why. Stay speaking facts king.

Anyway, when he asks Misha to demonstrate for us what Cas does, did he expect that Cas stands there peeping into Dean’s room and wanks or what did he expect? Honestly I’m just curious, what did he want Misha to demonstrate exactly.

Then he gets up to demonstrate it himself . 

When Misha says that the episode will be called ‘I’ll just wait here ten” Jensen unicorn laughs and when he realizes he was laughing to hard at Misha’s joke he says, ”I don’t get it.” Yeah sure Jensen it was clear from how hard you laughing to the point where we could see your tonsils that you didn’t get it. Good one. Misha maintains a serious face and even shakes his head.

A fan asks Misha what Castiel would have in his room. Misha says just a bunch of catnip. I don’t know what is so funny again that it warrants Jensen to hide his face because he’s trying not to laugh too hard. Does the word catnip or Cas being a cat mean something to you? Is it because Misha is cute like a kitten? Do love to rub his tum and hear him purr? Does he rub his nose along your beard like a cat would? What is so funny?

Then Jensen adds, “and kitty litter.” So adorable. I want in on the inside joke.

Misha says that he would have a poster of a cat hanging from a tree that says, “Hey it’s Monday” and Jensen laughs so hard. Then Jensen makes sure to add, “he has that poster in his trailer.” How do you know?

Why are these two dorks so happy about the mention of AU Cas? 

Then the way Jensen is excited about asking Misha for a demonstration of AU Cas 

 WTF am I watching? Help. But the eye fuck and the way the laugh.

Look how hard Jensen is laughing when Misha says what went through his head is that “they met at a club.” Pray for Jensen. He needs help. Serious help because no one is ever that funny all the time Jensen.

You can see how Jensen’s mood changed after Jared said that is the best acting he has ever seen Misha do. Jared seriously read the room. That part of the video has been discussed before so I won’t get into that.

The way Jensen’s eyes widen when Jared says Misha really wants to answer the who is your rock question. It is subtle but it happens. He also raises his eyebrows  as if to say “really? leave my husband alone.”

Okay did Jared expect Misha to say Jensen was his rock or??

Jensen is acting weird through Misha’s answer. He’s mostly stoic, like he’s holding his breath? Can I also mention how handsome Misha looks? But I like Misha’s answer and it’s so beautiful that he married his best friend. Everyone who wants to get married should marry their best friend. What do I know though? Marriage is a foreign concept to me.

Jensen asks how many mothers there are in the audience.

Jared carries on with “how many of us have mothers?

Misha: That’s quite an impressive turn out. So many people didn’t raise their hands.

“They are like no I was genetically engineered in a lab.” Okay hear me out. Jensen knows what you know who believe that  his kids and Jared’s kids were made in a lab because they couldn’t stand to copulate with their wives because of how much they hate them because Jared is his on true love. If you didn’t know this I’m sorry to divulge this disgusting piece of information to you but you can’t unsee it now so you are welcome. I swear I think this was a jab at them, no one can convince me otherwise.

Even Jared and Misha’s reaction to that is pretty telling. Then Jensen adds “And some of you probably were” I think he means those soulless fans who send their wives and kids threats and also hate on Misha every chance they get. Go off king.

He talks about how his wife is also his rock aww Jensen

Remember how Jensen was being weird during Misha’s answer? Misha is being weird as well, mostly stoic and looking at a fixed spot on the ground. I want to know what was so interesting.

Oh that micro expression from Jared, his right eye widens the moment Jensen says “I have some amazing pebbles in my life.” Did he think Jensen was going to out himself? He was like oh shit oh sit it’s happening.

The glee on Misha’s face when when Jensen calls him a pebble aww Jensen.

I know what I’m about to say is controversial but I think that by pebbles Jensen meant Misha. It doesn’t make sense that he was comparing his wife and his friends. The only person he would relate his wife to is his husband. I know this sounds crazy and people will definitely not be happy about this but that’s my opinion.I I know he loves Jared and he is his bro for life  so if he was referring to them both wouldn’t he have pointed to them both?

Jared talks about how sometimes he doesn’t want to burden the people he really loves with what’s on his mind all the time and Jensen points to himself in a very aggressive way. Jesus Jensen way to be subtle. Fuck. Also Jensen nods vigorously when Jared says look for your pebbles because sometimes pebbles are what you need to get back to your rock.

It’s time to sing a hbd song and when Misha asks Jared “did you volunteer for this?” That’s when Jensen places his hand on Misha’s knee and says “I got it” He’s like, babe seriously? You are gonna ask Jared to sing when you know I got the voice for it? Seriously? I’m right here babe. I sing to you every night and you gonna do me like this? I got this and you are mine.

He caresses that leg and gets very comfortable on it, draping his arm from the elbow down on it. Possessive much? It’s clearly not the first time he has parched on that leg. The hand was on that leg for 1 minute and 15 seconds. Yes, I counted.

The intimate way in which Jensen and Misha they are seated is so awkward that Jared scoots away from them.

 Damn, son. Jensen’s vocals are out of this world. So good.

Jesus Jared “Deeper, deeper feel it” Is that what they were screaming through the hotel walls last night? Tell us more.

Misha is so uncomfortable and Jensen is so done.

So overall this part was basically cockles being cockles, Jensen being possessive of Misha, Jared being Jared, Jensen being done, the girls are fighting and Misha is the referee. 

That’s the end of part 1.

Part 2

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[krakenartificer]

When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

[kenmasangel]

Fight ; Ushijima Wakatoshi

characters : ushijima wakatoshi, f!reader

synopsis : you and ushijima had your first real lowkey hardcore fight as a couple

genre : angst, fluff

ps : i am trying my best lol, i am new at this if you any remarks my dm's are open. hope you enjoy <3

masterlist

both you and your boyfriend, ushijima play volleyball that is actually what pulled you closer and ushi couldn't be happier

you've always enjoyed playing volleyball; it wasn't your passion and you wouldn't dedicate your life for it like ushijima but you still did your best all the time and you were pretty good

you actually were captain of the team for a while but then just decided to be a normal player

you practiced really hard; you didn't want to disappoint your boyfriend who was a great volleyball player

it really stressed you out though, especially when people would compare you or make really uncalled for remarks (this was maybe even one of the reasons you quit as a captain)

anyway these last days you haven't been feeling really good, the exams were upcoming and you wanted to keep up your excellent grades so you could attend the college of your dream

and not to make things better you had a practice match with you-don't-know-what-team and you couldn't care less

even if you were attending practice you were still kind of lacking, you wouldn't give it your all as usual and your teammates noticed that, you tried conving your coach into keeping you on the bleachers but he just wouldn't give up on you and your amazing serves

so here you were, sleep deprived, stressed out about school work and volleyball and your boyfriend didn't seem to notice anything, he would ask you times to times if anything is wrong but you would brush him off since you knew he was already preoccupied with the nationals

ushijima wasn't dumb though, he knew something was off with you but since you kept telling him not to worry he thought he would give you time unil you feel completely comfortable talking about it

he would kiss your forehead and tell you that he is here anytime

i ship you guys so bad wtf 😔

and as if the universe was against you, the day before your practice match you had an important exam, “at this point i should drop out and become a stripper” you thought to yourself as you were cramming informations into your brain

after your exam you headed to the gym to practice, you and your team stayed until late night and needless to say you only had few hours of sleep because you also had to wake up early to practice your serves, you didn't even have time to see your boyfriend so he could encourage you

you were exhausted, your brain was about to explode and your coach would still not let stay on the bleachers. the only thing positive was that ushijima sent you a good luck text message the night before

the match started, you were trying so hard to stay focused and to fall asleep; your serves were not as sharp as usual, you would miss the ball many times and the coach finally decided to change you with someone else

what you were not aware of is that ushijima and tendou came to watch the match and support you, they were weirded out at the way you were playing, it clearly was not in your habits to play that way

your team won the match but you couldn't care less, you just wanted to go home and sleep for one week straight

there were still a few people in the gym, you were getting ready to leave; you didn't even notice that the trio was coming your way

“y/n!” you heard tendou call you, “oh, hi sorry i didn't notice you were here” you replied, closing your bag “what's up?” you ask

“what's up with you? are you okay?” tendou asks, “what ?” you didn't know they saw everything, you kept staring at them until it hit you “oh, so you guys watched the match”

“yes, and what was all that about?” asked ushijima. “we can't always play well, you know” you shrugged, they were staring at you kind of shocked

“what? y/n did you see your serves ? did you see how many times you missed easy balls? it was almost as if i was watching a beginner! the team almost lost because of you” ushijima replies

“okay and ? i told the coach not to put me on the field yet he did. not my fault” you answered, it stung hearing him say that but it was true and you knew it

“thank god #8 came in, she saved the game ” he adds, what started annoying you. the last thing you wanted was to fight with your boyfriend

“good for them,” you clapped back in a cold tone what sent shivers down tendou's spine. he didn't want to get in between you two and he didn't know how to react since it was his first time seeing you like that

“you are my girlfriend, you know better! you should know this isn't only about others but the whole team! i heard people say stuff i didn't want to hear when you were playing an-” he couldn't finish when you cut him off

“ i know what people say ushijima! i know i am not dumb. and what if i am your girlfriend ? does that make me obliged to be a good volleyball player like you ? volleyball isn't my dream as far as i know i also have other dreams and other goals ushijima, but do you even care ? do you even bother asking me what i am passionate about ? and if you're ashamed of me, the so-bad volleyball player why don't you just go out with other great players ?” you snapped, what made the gym go quiet and all eyes stare at you and your boyfriend.

you gave him a last glance , took your stuff and went home

him and tendou stood there, alone now that everyone have left, still trying to comprehend what just happened, “wow, i’ve never seen y/n-chan like that” tendou broke the silence between him and ushijima. he didn’t answer tho, his mind was still replaying the fight you two had

you never fought; you guys were both mature and dealt with every situation you had to go through rationally so this fight really made ushijima tense up, something that tendou noticed

“ushijima,” tendou started as they were walking back to their dorms. “did you notice that y/n wasn’t feeling good right ?”

“hm? what?” the green eyed boy looked at him confused

“y/n is definetly not feeling good, you could tell just by looking at her face,” he stopped a moment before he continued “you can’t be oblivious to your girlfriend feeling bad, can you ?”

“look, i am not one to tell you what to do ushijima, this is your relationship but take good care of y/n before you loose her. she is a wonderful person and i know people who are just waiting for the right moment to have a chance with her,” he finished, sighing

“i don’t know what to do, we’ve never had a fight like this before and i sure don’t want to loose her,” finally stated ushijima burying his face in his hands, “i know i am lucky to have her, but you know how i suck at this relationship stuff...”

“give her time to cool down, but not too much time too. anyway goodnight” tendou pats ushijima’s shoulder before getting into his dorm

the days after you tried to keep it lowkey; you didn’t go to practice, you’d spend most of your time alone in the library or at home

your friends tried to contact you but you went on ghost mode, ushijima and the vb team too but you didn’t have enough strenght to deal with anyone not even your own parents

yet one night after everyone had finsihed practice you decided to head to the gym, you had so much frustration that you wanted to get rid off and the only thing that could help you was to hit in a ball

so here you are, at 10:30 pm serving in your highschool’s gym with all the power you had

what you didn’t know is that someone was there, watching this whole time hitting them balls with all the power you had wondering if they should come and talk to you or not

saying he missed you be an understatement, he missed your touch, the sound of your voice, your silly fights with tendou over who ushijima loved the most, the way you would hold his hand with no warning, the way you came to his practices and his teammates would all want to catch your attention. he was craving you and he couldn’t do anything but blame himself on how he lacked as a boyfriend

“man up, wakatoshi,” he opened the door yet didn’t catch your attention as you were still serving your mind obviously somewhere else

“uhm, hello?” he clumsily tries to catch your attention, which he succeeded  in

you turn, kind of startled but lowkey relaxing at his sight. “hi,” looking at his face you realized how much you missed him but the fight you had was still replaying in your head. “i was leaving, i just need to clean the gym” you said shaking off your pianful thoughts

as you walked by him he held you wrist making you stop, “y/n, let’s talk it out... please” his face slowly turning around, your eyes meeting his

he was right, you couldn’t just ghost everyone for the rest of the year, you just nodded and looked away

still holding your hand he took you to sit on a bench, facing each other. both of you wondering what will come out of this conversation

“y/n, i miss you, i was a horrible boyfriend i should’ve noticed how bad you were doing and comfort you instead of being a total douchebag, it’s just that...” he stopped for a while, thinking of the right words to say. “i just want the best for you, and i should’ve known vb isn’t your dream but i know how much potential you have and i just want the best for you.”

you couldn’t help but soften and the bluntness of your boyfriend, you knew he was genuine

“i don’t want to loose you y/n, and i promise to do my best to be a better boyfriend. please accept my apology,” you couldn’t help but breakdown infront of him

that’s it, you reached your peak and here you were sobbing in your boyfriend’s arms who was rubbing your back, trying to comfort you

he sure was taken aback when he saw you crying like that, he had never seen you like that and he never dealt with this type of situation but somehow he knew you needed to let everything out

he kissed the top of your head, whispering things like “everything is gonna be fine”

“i just got so stressed out, volleyball, academics, relationships... and i wanted to be the best but i couldn’t handle this much pressure and i should’ve told you how i felt but i bottled up thinking i could handle it,” you managed to say between your sobs. “ i love you too and i don’t want to loose you toshi,” he hugged you tighter after this sentence

“it’s alright love, i should’ve been here for you that’s the point of being together, it’s to lift a certain weight on each other,” he cupped your face in his big hands, wiping your tears, “no more secrets now, we’re here for each other,” you nod and he gently presses his lips against yours

“i love you, and i am here for you, please stop crying i hate to see my s/o this way especially when i suck at comforting you,” he made you chuckle

you’ve never  seen this side of ushijima, you knew he was trying his best right now, but you were glad you saw it today; it proved that he really loved you and you felt happy to have him by your side

“i love you too, toshi,” you hugged him tight and he kissed your forehead

both of you feeling relieved to know that your relationship was strong enough and you’d be able to count on each other and go through anything by each other’s side

[cyaneyesullivan]

listening to WAP and having thoughts...

i took my interest off petekey for a while to focus on other stuff, but everytime i listen to Fall Out Boy, the wonder and amazement spark back immediately... i’m still completely blown away (among other things) by how much Pete must’ve liked (loved) Mikey to keep up with it for so long -- or how much he feels in general. and even if the songs aren’t about Mikey (i have discussed this briefly), it doesn’t change the fact that Pete is absolutely tormented by his own emotions. it’s kind of fascinating.

with that being said, i’m in the mood to list off all the suspicious lyrics ever written by Pete that makes me go “damn, Mikey really did a disgusting number on him” or like, “poor Pete man”

disclaimer: again, these lyrics, let alone songs, might not be about Mikey, but i choose to believe so. i have to satisfy my fixation and bedazzlement on the fact that petekey highkey happened in the summer of 05. 

i’m only including my favorite songs or i’ll be here all night.

italic = my favorite lines

in no particular order:

Bishops Knife Trick (a LOT to unpack in this one): - And I’m living out of time, eternal heatstroke - Spiritual revolt from the waist down - To the places that we never should have left - I’ve got a feeling inside that I can’t domesticate, it doesn’t want to live in a cage, a feeling that I can’t housebreak - And I’m yours, ‘til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away - I’m struggling to exist with you, and without you - I’m sifting through the sand, sand, sand, sand, looking for pieces of broken hourglass - Trying to get it all back, put it back together, as if the time had never passed - I know I should walk away, know I should walk away - But I just want to let you break my brain - And I can’t seem to get a grip - No, no matter how I live with it

Heaven’s Gate (some interesting elements here that describe Pete’s all-consuming yet destructive love) - If there were any more left of me, I’d give it to you (this one is just a personal favorite, not particularly related to Mikey) - Go out in the world, start over again and again, as many times as you can - ‘Cause everything else is a substitute for your love - I’ve got dreams of my own, but I want to make yours come true (another personal favorite lol) - You’re the one habit I just can’t kick

The Last Of The Real Ones (i adore this song but it leaves a lot of space for vague interpretation, so I’ll just list off my favorite lyrics that give me goosebumps when I think they’re meant for Mikey) - You are the sun and I am just the planets, spinning around you - You were too good to be true, gold plated, but what’s inside you? - I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you but not as much as I do, as much as I do - I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me - That ultra-kind of love you never walk away from - I am a collapsing star with tunnel vision, but only for you - My head is stripped just like a screw that’s been tightened too many times, when I think of you - Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one, even if it’s not true, even if it’s not true

Just One Yesterday (oh my lord, this one lmao -- honestly the whole song has this odd vibe that it’s a pointed jab at Mikey) - Anything you say can and will be held against, so only say my name - I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday (any notion that suggests Pete is obsessed with the past is a win) - I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way - I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart (i just feel like maybe he’s implying he’s not a girl and that does not please no-homo Mikey) - If I spilled my guts, the world would never look at you the same way (lol) - And now I’m here to give you all my love - So I can watch your face as I take it all away

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet (my ultimate favorite of FOB. unbeatable. i had to put it here if only to honor it) --> i talked about it before -- there are no obvious marks of petekey here, but i made a post on it in the past

Immortals (lolol) - I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass (hourglass, time, past, bottom half, Pete is still waiting for Mikey, blabla) - I try to picture me without you but I can’t - ‘Cause we could be immortals, immortals, just not for long, for long - And live with me forever now, pull the black out curtains down (blocking public exposure?) - I’m still comparing your past to my future - It might your wound but, they’re my sutures (Pete’s heartbreak = big inspiration that keeps him writing lyrics therefore having a career?)

Centuries (obviously) - Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold - But you will remember me, remember me for centuries (they must have done super crazy shit back in 05) - And just one mistake, is all it will take, we’ll go down in history (presumably, their story must be so nuts it will end up in a massive gossip explosion) - Mummified my teenage dreams (his songs lol) - No it’s nothing wrong with me, the kids are all wrong, the story’s all off, heavy metal broke my heart - Bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints - Cause I-I am the opposite of amnesia (notable, since there is concrete evidence of their ‘lovestruck summer’ in the form of a million of his lyrics) - You look so pretty but you’re gone so soon - We’ve been here forever, and here’s the frozen proof (again, his lyrics, photographs, dramas, tweets etc)

Irresistible (honestly, the whole song lmao) - Mon cheri (i’m only putting this one down because, little story: i didn’t know about petekey when i first listened to this song, and i’m french, and when i heard this for the first time i was like, wtf, people keep wanting to use french words and end up using them wrong. well, oops. maybe the use this time wasn’t as faulty as i thought)

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T - I neve really feel a thing, I was kind of too froze - You were the only one, that even kind of came close - I took too many hits off this memory (memory = joint? lmao) - Another day goes by (without Mikey?) - So hold me tight, or don’t (basically, settle or fade) - Oh no, no, no this isn’t how our story ends - I got too high again when I realized I can’t not be with you or be just your friend - I love you to death but I just can’t, I just can’t pretend, we were lovers first - Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends? (interesting point since they never really had a lasting friendship. it’s a well known fact they helped each other with their own monsters (so, confidants), but after the whole summer fiasco, their friendship was at best on and off, and even then, there’s a lot of mourning on Pete’s end. poor guy) - ‘Cause I’m past the limits, the distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

Jet Pack Blues - I’m the last one that you’ll ever remember - And I’m trying to find my peace of mind - She’s in a long black coat tonight (someone, in a significant night, has been in a long black coat too) - Did you ever love her? Do you know? Or did you never want to be alone? (notable, Pete is questioning whether or not his ‘love’ could stem from loneliness, because this shit happens way too often than should be) - Don’t you remember how we used to split a drink? It never matted what it was - I think our hands were just that close, the sweetness never lasted, no Novocaine (i like this one in particular because it just seems to suggest that Pete will never be finished with this, and will haunt Mikey forever, either to get revenge for being left behind or relive that one unforgettable summer) - I will always land on you like a sucker punch (omg lmao) - I am your worst, I am your worst nightmare - If you knew, knew what the bluebirds sing at you, you would never sing along - Because they took our love and they filled it up, filled it up with novocaine and now I’m just numb - I don’t feel a thing for you (sure) - I’m just a problem that doesn’t wanna be solved - I feel like a photo that’s been overexposed (i wonder if it’s because of all the junk he posted on livejournal) that concludes it! of course, there are so many more obvious songs, like Fourth of July and Bang the Doldrums, but i don’t love those songs, so i didn’t include them. and side note, the lyrics hit that much harder when Patrick is the damn singer and makes everything hurt. but i’ll rant about that in another post, maybe.

(it doesn’t really matter who sees this or doesn’t -- i just wanted to put this out somewhere. petekey will forever be so interesting. the impact Mikey (or whoever Pete wrote about) had on Pete is just unbelievable to me.)

end.

[thisdreamplace]

30 Days of Manifesting the Mental State (Part 1)

Guidelines:

- Focus on manifesting the mental state of who I desire to be

- Let the external world be, the internal world has all my focus

Why?

I was inspired by this short post:

Decide to Manifest the Mental State

My goal with this was to manifest my ideal mental state in regards to whatever I deem important to me, so this was a heavily self concept based challenge. Compared to the challenges I did in the past, where I was interested in physical manifestations.

Reflection:

Y’all, if you feel like you’ve done all you can do and you’re stuck, try this challenge. lmao You will be fucking read to filth. And it’s the best thing ever.

During the first week, I really got shown myself. Before this challenge I thought I was good with not taking the 3D too seriously. By implementing this challenge, I realized how much I actually paid attention to it for validation. Given this challenge is all about manifesting the mindset, I could no longer use the 3D an excuse for why I’m upset or wonder why I see no changes. Because I only had one job and that’s to manifest the mindset, no matter what the 3D shows. I often would remind myself, “I need to conform to myself first.” This helped me to stay on track during the first week.

Plus, I realized, once again I was slacking on everyone is you pushed out as a concept. It really was difficult for me to take responsibility for others. But thanks to this challenge, I couldn’t put this concept on the backburner anymore. And I know if I want the people in my world to change for the better, I must change for the better within first. Once again, “I need to conform to myself first” was such a solid reminder. How could I look at the 3D in disappointment, when I hadn’t even conformed to myself first? This is still a work in progress, but it’s at the forefront of my mind now instead of an afterthought.

After about the first week, things got easier. I read a couple posts that really clicked for me and it honestly became chill af after that. Things started moving more in my life. It’s honestly so weird how the law works. This shit really is subtle as hell, it’s so natural when your world starts conforming you barely even notice. There’s so many things that happen in a day that align with my new conception of self and it’s difficult to remember them all.

But basically, I moved into an entirely new state. Like, things just are not the same for me mentally or with the way I feel. Like... how do I explain this? Basically, my desired self concept has become so natural... a lot of my state of lack habits have disappeared. And I didn’t even expect that to happen. Like, getting worked up about how long it’s been... wondering if I did something wrong... like all of that just vanished. I feel extremely... fulfilled and satisfied. I actually know I did everything I could do. So what else is there to do? I don’t feel the need to search for more anymore. I truly feel satisfied with my mental efforts. I have done my best, now all that is left to be done is to live and allow life to do it’s thing, really.

On the final week, I hit a wall. It was like I simply could not shake the anxiety. Each day I was thankful it came to an end, hoping for a more pleasant following day... that didn’t come. The emotional rollercoaster! I would go from “it’s okay, I don’t need to analyze how I’m feeling” to “okay, wtf is going on????” I was a mess, but as always, I persisted. I know there’s mixed opinions on this, but from my experience I definitely have moments where my mind is purging the old story. And it’s difficult as fuck. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t exist because someone out there might be going through the same. I want y’all to know, we can make it through to the other side.

During those days, I had these moments where I can actually feel myself as God? And it’s not this super powerful feeling. It’s been more... calm and peaceful. Like I just know I am taken care of. Honestly, it usually only lasts in glimpses. But that’s okay. Because I know I am just uncovering that part of me more and more. It’s actually so exciting.

From experience, I know every dip like this on my journey has lead to more mental and emotional freedom. So even though in the moment it feels like absolute meaningless torture, I know it makes sense and it’s happening for a good reason.

But this is where I left off. The challenge ended before I was able to make it through the low moment. So now, I am just going to revamp this challenge with a part 2, with everything I have learned about myself from it.

Best Self Concept Manifestations:

- I have felt more fulfilled than I ever have in my life. And I did that on my own. Pretty fucking great. 

- The main theme on my journey has continued to improve: love. People LOVE me. Like they LOVE me lmao. I constantly get compliments on not only my appearance but also my character and who I am as a person. My ideal life is entirely in view, I can see the destination now.

- Not needing to constantly read about the law anymore. This is my favorite, because I love the law. lol So, when I deleted Reddit and actually had weeks pass where I didn’t feel the need to redownload it, it was like wow. I know everything I need to know. There’s nothing else to read. I have my comfort/motivation posts, and I would go back to those time to time. But I have very little interest in the search for “new” information now. There’s nothing else to learn, there’s only concepts to apply.

- Despite the downward spiral, I can say I have definitely seen improvement in my bounce back from the 3D circumstances overall. I have my moments, of course, but overall it’s definitely become easier for me to remember this world is malleable and nothing is set in stone.

- Kdramas. LOL I always end up watching one that aligns with my journey, which is cool af. I started “When the Camellia Blooms” while on this challenge and it was funny because my sister watched in months ago. And she was like, “Dongbaek (the female lead) is the character I said you remind me of.” Which was such a huge compliment. She’s literally what I strive to be? Loved for no reason other than existing and super pretty. LMAO She’s simply adored and unforgettable, simply because she is. That was such a boost to my work on my self concept. It may not sound like the best manifestation ever but for me it was motivation to keep persisting. If I can see it, I can have it. Period.

Conclusion:

This isn’t over yet. I am moving into part 2 of this challenge as we speak, which will be similar but with a more precise focus. So in conclusion, all I can say is try it for yourself. It’s definitely worth it.

Resources That Inspired Me the Most During this Challenge:

Nothing Outside Will Help You Change Your Mind

Dissolving Fears to Manifest Effortlessly

Self Concept, Self Love, and States

Hug Your Inner World Tight

[azureflight]

I, for one, am grateful that WoW Devs have come out in support of the changes.

They exposed themselves as the absolute hacks they are. I have been saying for years now, that devs are definitely a huge part of the problem if not straight up responsible for the most of it. This is where the no fun allowed bullshit is coming from. This right here, is the real source of arbitrary restrictions, punitive gameplay and braindead design.

Look at them. Look at the shit they are concerned with. Look at that self-absorbed, condescending tone. Look at that completely tone deaf, fake ass virtue signaling nonsense they spew.

More inclusive game? Really? Because two random picture that no one even knew were there until these changes were made, was the thing gate keeping? This is the major concern devs have about their game and their environment? Really? This is what you have done with your court scared, law firm suggested feedback time? REALLY?

Look that entitled ass attitude. “We wanted this, as devs, we have an opinion on it”. Well, I hope you also enjoying paying for your own game, because I sure as shit won’t be. This bullshit of making a game for themselves instead of their customers, is why this game sucked ass for years now. Because they put themselves and their own weird hysterics to the forefront instead of the actual god damn money paying player base’s demands.

Oh no! Not the vaguely female-ish, naked-ish figure on a god damn painting that most people never saw! Not that! That right there is killing the game and making it exclusive! Constant plot of genocide Olympics? Lol, that’s fine!

Bunch of loud mouths managed to push their own personal petty bullshit through. Say it so. Stop trying to sell me the morality you clearly do not have.

Not only does the game still have bunch of ridiculous shit within the same vein, the stuff they obviously have no problem having and the stuff they try to sell as a must go are so wildly out of proportion it is mind boggling.

YO! BLIZZARD! The plot of the 4 out of your last 6 expac was “Horde/Orcs commit genocide. Everyone forgets and forgives within the year and those who don’t, get demonized.”

HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT NOT BOTHER YOU?!!

How did we reach a point where rampant, actively genocidal racism is an a-ok plot device, but a god damn picture showing some cleavage became an acceptable thing that needs to go?

I have been waiting for almost 20 years for the nations of Azeroth to get over their racism and come together. Instead we have pearl clutching, puritanical censorship of random references to sexuality. Any instance of sexism or homophobia (well, the arbitrarily selected ones they feel personally icky about) gets retconned from the game, but the racist genocidal part has only gotten worse. WTF does that say about your priorities?

Who the fuck is this game being made for? Players? Devs? Hysteric wokies? Extremely racist genocide larpers? WHO?

You have no problem writing every single hurt female character as this irrationally mad bitch that needs to get over or get chopped. You have no problem constantly making rape jokes about men. You have no problem constantly writing stories where a nation suffers genocide and they all just need to get over it and the genocidal side is actually good. But a basic ass masturbation pun and a joke mount with a joke name are these totally unacceptable things that needed to be removed?

When you retcon the sexism that characters managed to overcome and succeed despite, that societies have managed to grew out of, that doesn’t make me feel included. When you tell me that this setting never had a cultural norm of homophobia, I believe you. But then you go on and say hysteric, murderous racism is an inherent, unchangeable and dominant dynamic of this setting, that doesn’t make me feel included.

I seriously wanna know, who is this game for? Who is the target audience, because it sure as shit ain’t me. And if you have a new base that pays for it, all the more power to you, such is the free market. But don’t you fucking dare try to gaslight and guilt-trip me into buying this hot mess. Because no, I don’t fucking support you, and I don’t have to. This ain’t a fucking charity.

Defend the shit ass covenant restriction, come out of the woods to confirm that yes, these completely unnecessary and arbitrary changes were your brilliant idea... I do love feeling validated for my low opinion on devs, but unfortunately, I am more angry about how they will keep ruining the game. Or rather, keeping it in a ruined state.

“Umm, ackchyullay, your fun won’t be ruined by them removing those few things”. No, it won’t. But it will continue to be ruined by a self-absorbed dev team obsessively wasting time and resources on meaningless arbitrary shit like that while still refusing to accept they have been wrong on their stupid ass design decisions.

[conspirasee7]

This is going to be my first post and a Tumblr exclusive. At lease for now 😭. I plan on uploading it to WattPad once I’m done.

⚠️Warning⚠️: This will be a gay erotic short story primarily about sniffing, manly scents and underwear fetish. This is NSFW. If sniffing/scents/gas is not in your lane this is not the story for you.

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Ca$h Pig

By: ᥴꪮꪀᦓρ꠸᥅ꪖᦓꫀꫀ

Ca$h Pig • Also known as financial domination, a pay pig is a submissive person who gets sexual gratification from being financially exploited.

I quickly grabbed my phone out to snap a pic of this niggas ass. I had seen him all the time but had no idea what his name was. I assumed he was from around here because he knew a number of people I was familiar with. I don’t remember him from school, church (not that I go to church 😭), social media, nothing. Who was this stranger?

Ima keep it a bean (keep it real) with you I’m not attracted to dudes, nor have I ever wanted to smash one. Pussy was constantly being throw at me so I didn’t have time to focus on niggas too. Despite not physically being attracted to dudes there was one aspect that I couldn’t escape. It constantly waived its finger at me, calling me when no one was around.

*Daydream Segue*

Me: ......

Booty:

*Back to the Present*

So I know I said I didn’t like dudes which I definitely don’t... But a mans ass is another story. Is it possible to only be attracted to a booty? An ass was an ass to me whether on a man or a woman. However it was something about a mans ass.

As I approached him I felt my dick trying to slowly unzip my pants. It wanted so badly to break free and just bust all over his back while he taunted me with his unwashed hole. Not that I assumed it was dirty but I was hoping it wasn’t fresh out the shower.

“I would pay anything to put my face in it.”

I found myself saying in a low tone. But wtf did I mean by that? Pay a nigga to sniff his ass? What I look like? I get offers from niggas all the time. Why would I need to pay one to sniff his ass? Sad thing is I really would pay just to sniff it. I just want to smell the gap where his butt meets his jeans sooooo bad 😩. Dam I’m a nasty ass mf!!!

I don’t know what I needed to do to get it but I needed to smell this niggas ass. It needed to happen today. The next time I nutted I wanted it to be with a face full of his ass. I won’t have it any other way. I didn’t know shit about this man but I knew I needed to know one thing. I needed to know what his ass smelled like once his cheeks were opened 👃🏽.

Before I got a chance to figure out a game plan my lips betrayed me.

“Excuse me?” Wtf was I doing and wtf was I about to say? I could hear myself screaming at my inner voice!!!

Stranger: “What’s good?” *turns around*

Now again I’d just like to repeat I am not attracted to dudes AT ALL!!! But goooooood daaaaaaaaaaaamm!! When this nigga turned around he was finer than a mf. Like fine fine. I had to calm myself down for a second so I could take in all his features. I paused to take a moment to acknowledge how gay that just sounded and how I didn’t like it honestly. I’ll have more time to think about that later though.

I guess since I be minding my own business all the time I never really checked dude out. When he turned around he was about 6’4, 220lbs of solid ass muscle, hazel eyes, pretty pink lips and gorgeous white teeth. The man was almost perfect. I say almost because it just had to be something wrong with him. He had to be unemployed, living with his mama, got 12,000 kids or something 😭. Literally no one should be that perfect. Shit weird lol.

____________________________________________

“😳..... Oh I feel you. My bad.”

There has to be a word that goes beyond embarrassed because I was experiencing it right now times infinity. My face began to get hot, my mouth started drying up. My hands started sweating. “Oh god oh god oh god... what have I done?” I knew this shit was a bad idea. Do I just walk away orrrrrr?????? Yea ima just do that. I nodded my head and began to walk away and all of a sudden I hear him bust out laughing

Stranger: “😂🤣🤣🤣... I’m just fucking wit you! You better not be smoking on no Reggie (low quality weed). Where we scrolling up (rolling up) at?”

“🥴”

I let out a loud internal sigh of relief. My heart slowly began transcending back into my chest and I was now able to breath again. To keep it real that response had me second guessing myself. If that’s how I felt over that little situation imagine what hearing no to my real question would feel like. I would literally never come here again which sucked because it was my favorite gas station in the city. They had the cheapest gas, it was central to everything and I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. Should I really be doing this? Maybe I’ll just leave it at smoking and just sniff that picture of his ass I took earlier and bust a nut 🥴. Nothing about that plan sounded appealing. I wanted some ass on my face. End of discussion. I was doing this!

Like I said I’ve been coming here since I was a kid so I know everything about this place. I’ve smoked in this parking lot numerous times so I was aware this was a safe place. Hell he was standing outside smoking and no one was bothering him.

“We can go smoke in my whip it’s right over there.”

I pointed to my car which was around the corner in a discreet spot.

I call it my spot because I’m the only person I ever see park in it. I’ve been smoking in this spot well before I was even able to buy a wrap to roll the weed in. It seemed like the perfect place to do what I was trying to do I thought devilishly to myself.

We walked over to my car and I could see him admiring my BMW. He didn’t say it out loud but it was written all over the expression on his face. Almost saw a light turn on in his head. Not really sure what that light meant but we gone look further into it.

We both hopped in the car, I turned it on so I could turn on the radio. I put on EST Gee, MoneyBagg Yo- Special Remix.

I reached for the glove compartment because that’s where my weed was stashed. My elbow was now slightly between his legs causing it to graze his knee almost resting there. Oddly enough he didn’t move nor did his facial expression change. Was I pushing his limits or trying my luck? Probably a little of both 😈.

We both reclined our chairs a little and started bopping our heads to the music. I stared at him out the corner of my eye and noticed he already had a blunt rolled up in his ear. “Oh this nigga came prepared.” I thought to myself. The universe must have known of my devious plan before I did.

“I’ve seen you around before. What’s your name? I probably should’ve asked that’s before we got to this point 😅.”

Stranger: “Probably huh? Yea you was too busy trying to take pictures of my ass to worry about my name.”

I blinked a few times to take in the scenery because I was suddenly unaware of my surroundings. I looked up and it all I could see was a hard dirty black surface. I ran my fingers across it to confirm my suspicions. I was now underneath my car. My body had fused through the seat, then the floor and I was now on the ground. “Did he really see that?” I started biting my nails nervously in my head.

He finished rolling up and hit the Blunt. He hit is a few times and then passed it to me looking me directly in my eyes setting my whole body on fire. I had to look away before grabbing the blunt. His eyes were indescribable. He had the kind of eyes you could only look into for a few seconds before blushing. What I look like blushing? Especially over some nigga.

Rock: “And to answer your questions my name is Rock.”

“ROCK 😳......” Uhhhhhhhh I’m really hoping he doesn’t mean ROCK as in ROCK from 5th and Landry. ROCK who shoots first and asks questions later. ROCK who only had to snap his finger and you’d disappear. Wtf did I just do? I fucked up real bad. I’m way closer to him than I feel comfortable being. Did he get in the car so no one would hear me screaming. Everything in my body was telling me to run. How do I get out of this? I have to get him out my car. I was about to do the dumbest shit ever. I could have just got my life ended.

“Rock from 5th?”

Rock: “You’ve heard of me.” He asked with this sexy ass grin on knowing dam well I heard of him. Shit who hasn’t?

“Uhhhhh.... yes I have. I think just about everyone around here has 😅”

I took a few more pulls then passed it back to him. He did the same as music blared on in the background and the air filled with good gas.

Rock: “Word... so then you know what I’ll do to you.”

All of a sudden the air was cut with a serious tone. His tone of voice cut a perfect line of view so I could now see his face through all the smoke. I felt my body getting heavy again. “Dam I knew this was going to happen. This nigga was going to kill me and probably take my whip 🤣.” It wasn’t funny but it was a funny way to die I laughed to myself. Shit if I’m going to die may as well try and smell this nigga booty. I’ve gotten this far. I’m dead either either way. I don’t have anything to loose at this point.

“.......... Yes I am well aware but you gone have to fuck me up because this ain’t gone be no easy win!” I say jokingly trying to cut the tension that was sitting on my dashboard staring at my with its legs crossed. When I looked up trying to read his face again it was evident he was not enthused.

Rock: “I must look like joke to you.” He says plainly as he passed me back the blunt.

Somehow I got the feeling I was treading on thin Ice. I don’t know how we got here though. Was it because I didn’t address that comment he made earlier? Wtf was I supposed to say?

“My bad did I do something?” I asked really wanting to know what caused the sudden mood change as he lit the second blunt.

Rock: “Yea why were you taking pictures of my ass? & what question did you want to ask me?”

“😰”

____________________________________________

“I..... uhhhhh.... because...”

Rock: “I uhh... Spit it out nigga!”

“......”

Rock: “Let’s take this one question at a time and this going to be the last time I ask.”

I see him reach down into his sock and pull out a 380 and placed it on his lap.

Rock: “Maybe this will give you a little motivation. Now why were you taking pics of my ass?”

The truth shall set you free was all I could think to myself. I tried to think of any lie that was better than the truth but I couldn’t think of anything so here goes nothing.

“I’m not gay but if I can say this without getting shot....It was out...I couldn’t help myself.”

Rock: “So you just going around stealing pictures of people?” He asked while shifting the gun in his lap leaving his hand on the trigger.

“Rock my bad frfr if you saw it from the WHOLE worlds POV you’d understand. That ass is enough to make any straight man look twice.”

Although I meant every word I didn’t mean to be so frank I was just trying to insinuate.

Rock: “.........”

“😵.” I think I’ve died at least 3 times during this conversation. This time making 4.

Rock: “And your question?”

“Well......I was wondering.....If.”

I could hear the gun shifting around again causing the words to get stuck in my throat again.

Rock: “You know how I feel about that stuttering shit.”

*Takes a deep ass breath sucking up all the oxygen the wasn’t being used in the car*

“I really wanted to smoke. You seemed cool. I’ve seen you before and I really don’t like rolling those leaves. I know how to roll them but I don’t like to.”

Rock: *Puts gun to my head* “Quit fuckin playing with me before you don’t make it back home tonight.”

“🤐”

Rock: “Now what was your real question?” He asked moving the gun so it was now touching my head.

“Ok Rock I’m sorry....You’re right... my real question was.......was.......”

Oh no I found myself stuttering as Rock pushed the gun further into my head. I wasn’t ready to die so I did what anyone would have done... I blurted out the truth.

“I WOULD PAY ANYTHING TO PUT MY FACE IN YOUR ASS. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO KNOW WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE RIGHT THIS SECOND!”

Without saying another word with the blunt still in his hand smoking it he took another pull not breaking his gaze once. He takes another pull and it was so quiet I could hear the sound of is breath going in and out.”

Rock: “Get out the car.”

Good this is my perfect chance to ru-

Rock: “And don’t even think about running nowhere unless you want to find yourself shot in the back of the knee.”

My heart was back in my throat. I wish he would just shoot me. If he didn’t I was going to die from asphyxiation. I opened my door and stood outside the car awaiting further instruction from my killer. “I couldn’t leave well enough alone could I?” I thought to myself.

He got out the car and told me to open my door. I did as he told me to while he walked around the car standing right in front of me.

Rock: “You know I’ve made niggas disappear for way less than this right? What’s stopping me from clapping (killing) you right now?”

“Don’t you at least want my money first?” I cowardly asked in attempts to add a few minutes to my life.

Rock: “I was going to get that anyway. That’s all you got?” He asked seriously wondering if that’s all I had to barter for my life.

“Rock I-“

Rock: “Hush all the noise. You not saying shit.” He says with distain while pointing the gun back to my head. “Gimme your wallet.”

I reached on the door grabbing my wallet and handing it over to him without any questions. He rummaged through it leaving behind the cards and only taking the cash. It was about $120 in 20’s then threw it at me causing it to hit the ground.

Rock: “Pick that shit up”

As I reached down to retrieve my wallet I hear the gun right next to my ear.

Rock: “Get down on your knees you butt sniffing weirdo.”

I kneeled down and made sure not to make any eye contact. The last thing I wanted to do was upset the man with a gun pointed at my face.

Rock: “Take out your phone and open up your cash app.”

No use in telling him I didn’t have cash app because who tf didn’t have cash app? I was afraid to lie anyway. I needed all the time I could get left on this earth.

Rock: “Type in $Rockdagodd.” As you’ve already guessed I did exactly what I was told. “Send $40 and you say yes sir after I tell you to do something.”

“YES SIR!”

Rock turned his back to me and stood there for a few moments. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying the view. If I’m going to be shot at least I had this opportunity. I was going to die a happy man 😭.

Rock: “You also gone have to buy my silence pussy. Send another $40.”

Like clockwork I sent another $40.

Rock: “I should drain your bank account right now. Instead of playing this little game.”

Little did he know this game had my dick at full attention. I don’t know if it was the gun, the way he was talking to me, the fact that I was this close to his ass or how he is taking all my money 🤤. I couldn’t get my thoughts straight enough to figure out which one it was. What was even more puzzling is why him stealing my money with a gun to my head was turning me tf on. I was inches away from that gap in his jeans that so desperately wanted my nose to be in.

Rock: “Give me your phone.”

I heard his cash app go off again. He just sent himself more money. Dam was he going to really clean me out?

Before I could gather my thoughts I was being suffocated. Everything went black, I couldn’t move my head and any attempts to scream were being muffled. As I started to come to I realized I couldn’t breath because Rocks ass was on my face.

Rock: “Catch your breath nigga. That’s gone be $20.” I hear his cash app go off again. “Get out my way soft ass nigga.” Then he mushes me in the head causing me to fall into the door. “You not done yet.” He says before handing me back my phone while making his way to my driver seat.

He then pulls his pants down a little more fully exposing those perfect cakes. I was so confused by him sitting on my face the first time I didn’t really get a chance take in the scent. I was too busy fighting for my life. I could only do one thing at a time but this time I was going to take it all in.

Rock: “Send me my $20.”

*Ding* His cash app went off again

Rock: “Now come smell this ass nigga.”

I dove in head first like an Olympic diver with perfect form. My nose hit its target and I inhaled as deeply as my lungs would allow taking in Rocks scent. Right when all my senses were connecting and I had his ass smell in the tip of my nose he pushed me back with extreme force.

Rock: “Have you had enough you nasty mf?”

“NO SIR”

Rock: “Send me my money then.”

*Ding*

He snatched my head forcing my face back into his hole.

“👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽🥴👃🏽👃🏽😋🤤”

He slung my head back out of his ass again.

Rock: “What does my hole smell like? And before you answer send me $10.”

*DING*

I couldn’t wait to answer him.

“It smells like ass sir. It actually doesn’t stink at all. It smells like dove with a little ass at the end of it.”

Rock: “And you like that don’t you you butt sniffing ass nigga?”

“YES SIR!”

Rock: “I got shit to do so we gone have to hurry this shit up.”

“Can I beat my dick so I can cum please sir?”

Rock: “Hell no... but you can pull your pants down. No touching yourself. Gay ass nigga.”

As instructed I took my pants down and fought the urge to empty my sack all over my car. I don’t even know if I needed to touch myself. I felt like I could bust at any moment.

Rock: “Send me $100.”

$100???? Was this nigga serious? Of course I sent it but I didn’t want to but how do you tell someone with a gun no? Once he heard his phone ding he pulled his underwear down and grabbed my head again only this time with the other hand he held one of his cheeks open. I didn’t even have a chance to get excited because I was too busy releasing a tornado of sniffs.

“👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽..👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽👃🏽....👃🏽👃🏽”

I rubbed my nose from the top of the crack to the bottom. I went from the left cheek to the right cheek. I sniffed his goochie (the space between his hole and balls), his nutsack & his dick. Shit I just paid $100 I was going to smell all of him. If I could get my nose inside his hole I would.

It was like he could feel my sniffs getting more aggressive so he did the unthinkable. He pulled my face in deeper into his hole so my lips were now face to face with his hole bumping skin. Then he pushed his hole out giving me momentary access to the inside of his hole. I looked up over his shoulders and saw him watching me and gives me a quick nod. Was that like a “go ahead” to the question I wouldn’t dare ask. I wasn’t going to waste time trying to figure it out. I just went for it.

I stuck my tongue in his hole as deep as I could go. Although I knew my tongues had reached the deepest depths it could go it didn’t stop me from trying to stick my tonight on further.

Rock: *Lets out soft moan* “Yea eat up I knew your nasty ass was hungry.” With that he turned around standing up exposing a hard dick. “Stick your tongue out you ass chewing mf.”

With that he jerked his dick a few times and shot 1,2,3,4,5,6 flows or nut all over my face narrowly avoiding my left eye. I looked down to see I had nutted as well without touching myself like Sir Rock told me to.

Rock: “Send me $20.”

Although I had come down off my sexual high I sent him one last $20. He Wrapped his hands around my throat standing me up and getting really close to my ear.

Rock: “You ever lick my ass again without permission you’ll be staring down the barrel of my gun mf.”

He then gets within inches of my lips as if we were about to kiss. I saw stars, I heard a marching band and my dick started standing up again since he didn’t allow me to pull my pants up. I don’t know why I wanted nothing more than to kiss him right now.

He mushed me in my face leaving me sitting in both of our cum looking stupid regretting the fact that I didn’t get that kiss 🙄. He walked away pulling his pants back up right under his ass cheeks. He’s probably going back to the front to stop more people dead in their tracks so he can take all their money. I wonder how many times he’s done this?

____________________________________________

So this story took a violent twist 😅. I had no idea Rock had such a violent streak.

As previously mentioned this is a tumble exclusive I hope you guys enjoyed.

I’m so annoyed when I started this story I used a different video, typed up 2 chapters and the shot never saved 🙄. This story is the outcome but honestly I’m really pleased!

If you have any story suggestions or people you would like me to write about pls feel free to contact me!

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