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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

Text

Seven Drinks

Bucky x f!reader

Summary: There's a reason Y/N has never had more than 3 drinks around the other avengers, and they're about to find out.

Warnings: depression, thoughts of suicide, panic attacks, angst (don't worry there's fluff too)

Word Count: 4322

a/n: This is inspired by that episode of Brooklyn 99 with 6 drink Amy (I adopted that concept!) and also Halsey's album Manic. :) I hope you like it. Anything in bold is a lyric from one of the songs on the album!

Please let me know if I messed up the trigger warning tags! I've never written anything like this before, so I just want to make sure I do it right.

Masterlist

"We're having a party tonight." Tony's announcement was met with the usual groans of annoyance at having to schmooze with the typical socialites that attended Tony's party. "You know, you are so ungrateful sometimes. here I am trying to throw you a party, and you're complaining!"

"Tony, we all appreciate the effort you go to, but- at least speaking for me- I don't like people." Y/N's response was effortless, swiftly calming Tony and explaining the reactions.

"That is why-" Tony stuttered when he actually registered the words you said. "That doesn't sound like you at all. And besides, this is a party for just us. It'll be more like team building, but without any pre-planned activities. No "smarmy, rich people" to deal with." He directed his last sentence at Bucky, Steve, and Sam.

The team actually seemed excited at the prospect, albeit skeptical of Tony's motivations.

Unsurprisingly, Nat worked up the courage to question him on it first, "what's the catch?"

"No catch. Just friends, food, and lots of alcohol." His grin quickly shifted into a smirk as the entire room turned to look at you.

You groaned slightly, not wanting all the attention. "Look, there is a reason I cap myself at 3 drinks." Holding up one finger, you started to explain, "One drink Y/N is barely any different from my sober self."

Wanda quickly cut you off, "not true! You get louder." She smirked, happy to have added that tidbit of information.

"Fine." With a laugh, you admitted she was right. "I might get the tiniest bit louder." You held up a second finger to continue your explanation, but were once again cut off.

"It's not a bad thing. It's just your happy, bubbly, and slightly louder than normal personality shining through!" Nat added, seeing an opportunity to tease you for being so positive all the time.

"Thanks Nat. Anyway," emphasizing the rudeness of being interrupted twice, you continued, "two drink Y/N is more touchy feely than normal. Not in a creepy way though!"

"I love two drink Y/N. She gives the best hugs!" Thor eagerly added to the conversation, glad to have dropped by when he did.

"Thanks Thor." With a small smile in his direction, you held up a third finger. "Three drink Y/N is the perfect amount of just past tipsy to have fun without doing anything extremely embarrassing. It makes the most sense to stop there." You finished her little speech with your typical smile and a resolute nod of your head.

"Seriously, you need to relax. Just let loose this one time!" Sam tried to encourage you. With the eyes of nearly every avenger set on you, your resolve didn't last very long.

"Fine! Maybe I'll have a fourth drink." You were met with cheers as you rose from your spot on the couch, trying to prepare for the night that was to come.

As soon as you stepped off the elevator, you had a drink in your hand. Clearly your friends were going to make sure you got a fourth drink. even Steve seemed excited when he saw you, although his golden boy personality didn't disappear completely.

"You sure about this? I don't want you to feel pressured!" Bucky nodded, weirdly enthusiastically, before adding, "Yeah doll, don't drink more than you want to."

"You two are too sweet. Sam's right, but don't tell him I said that." You winked at the two super soldiers, emphasizing the joke. "I should let myself relax sometimes. I'm in a safe place, with friends who won't let anything happen to me. What could a few more drinks really do?" You couldn't help but smile at how true that was. You were surrounded by people who care about you.

"Oh, so now it's a few more drinks? What are we talking here, six drink Y/N? Seven?" Bucky teased.

"You'll have to wait and see, Ducky." You teased right back, knowing how flustered he got at the pet name. Steve laughed at his friend as you walked away, ready for your second drink.

Before long, you had your fourth drink in your hand. It was slightly odd how literally everyone was staring at you, but your were three drink Y/N at the time, so you were drunk enough not to care.

You downed the fourth drink, unprepared for the consequences.

"So, Y/N... how do you feel?" Clint braved the waters, everyone eagerly awaiting your reaction.

"That is so nice of you to ask! I feel great! I don't think I've ever been this happy." You jumped up and down, hugging Clint with a huge smile on your face.

"How did you get even happier?" Tony chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

"Do you not like it?" Like a switch had been flipped, you were nearly crying.

"What?! No!" Tony was so taken aback at the tears pooling in your eyes, he froze, unsure how to fix it. He looked around the room for help, but everyone else was just as shocked as him.

"I'll fix it!" You were at the bar, fixing another drink before anyone fully comprehended your mood swing.

You walked back up to the group, sipping from your fifth drink as if nothing happened. "What?" You questioned the odd looks, but before receiving an answer you squealed, again jumping up and down. "Let's dance!" You turned around, ready to move to the more open area before looking back over your shoulder, "Wanda! Nat! Pepper! Come on!"

The women shared a look, ultimately shrugging before joining you on the makeshift dance floor.

"Bucky, you've been staring at her for 20 straight minutes. When are you finally gonna talk to her?" Steve couldn't help but pester him about his feelings.

"I can't help it. I've never seen her dance so much. I mean, I know she's always happy, but this is a whole new level." He didn't take his eyes off of you, even when he was responding. "I can't tell her tonight, though. This is the most she's had to drink in years."

He watched as you moved back over to the bar, needing another drink after dancing so much.

"Here we go, six drink Y/N." Bucky gestured to the bar. Steve shook his head, but allowed the change of topic.

About five minutes after your sixth drink, you were somehow bounding around with even more energy. You were nearly running around the room, trying to talk to everyone at once.

"Ducky! Have I ever told you I took gymnastics lessons for 7 years when I was younger?" You were bouncing with pent up energy, excited to be sharing more information about yourself.

"No, you've actually never mentioned that." He smiled, enraptured by your childlike enthusiasm, so enraptured that he didn't notice the mischief in your eyes.

"Well, I did! Watch this." You handed a confused Bucky your now empty glass, turning and throwing your arms up. Bucky realized two late what was happening, and with both yours and his glasses in his hands, he couldn't physically stop you.

"Y/N, wait!" His shout had everyone turn and look as you flawlessly executed two cartwheels in a row.

Bucky would swear your smile got even bigger as you turned around to look at him again.

"Normally I can do more, but" you hiccuped, then lowered your voice to a really terrible whisper, "I'm a little drunk." You leaned into him, laughing as if you just told a joke.

Wanda walked up to you with a seventh drink, hoping seven drink Y/N had a little less energy, but happy to see you having so much fun. "Here ya go! One more of your favorites, just like you asked."

"Thank youuuuuu!" You shifted to hug Wanda, leaving Bucky to miss your added warmth.

You sipped your seventh drink slower than the rest, quickly running out of energy. Sliding the empty glass across the bar, you slipped out of the party unnoticed, making your way to the kitchen for some pickles- your favorite drunk food.

Your seventh drink hit you just after you opened the pickles. Gone was the happy, bubbly persona you showed the world. The mask slipped away, leaving you alone to contemplate your life choices.

You made your way to to the lounge just outside of the kitchen, choosing to lay on the floor behind the couch and stare out of the large floor to ceiling windows.

"Where's Y/N?" Bucky glanced around the room, an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Huh? Oh, she said she wanted a snack." A very drunk Wanda turned to look at where the food was set up, scrunching her face in confusion when she couldn't find you. "Weird. Maybe she went to the bathroom?"

Bucky, having noticed your absence 8 minutes ago, didn't think you left for a bathroom break. "Maybe." Plus, you always took the girls to the bathroom with you. His eyes flitted about the room, taking one more glance before deciding to go look for you.

He decided to head for the kitchen since Wanda said you wanted a snack. He laughed at the open jar of pickles, knowing you at least passed through this room. He put the pickles away before popping his head into the lounge area.

"Y/N?" He called out, figuring this was the most likely location for you to end up.

You hummed in response, not moving from your spot on the floor. Bucky walked further into the room, slightly confused as to why he could hear you but not see you. That is, until he realized you were laying on the floor behind the couch.

"Why are you on the floor?" He smiled when he found you.

"I'm just looking at the sky." Your voice held a melancholy air as it floated through the room. Bucky's smile faltered, not used to hearing you sad. In the three years he's known you, he's only ever seen you sad because of a movie or tv show. Otherwise, you were quite literally always happy.

"Why-" he faltered, unsure how to check on you. "Is everything okay?" he nearly choked the words out, feeling slightly stressed at your sudden gloominess.

"Yeah." You took a deep breath, slowly letting it out in a deep sigh. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... I don't know." You sigh again, still looking at the sky.

Bucky chances another question, wanting to get you talking since you're acting so off. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel... so sorry." You words were so soft that Bucky could barely hear them.

"Sorry?" He tried to hide his confusion, matching your soft tone as he sat down a few feet away from you. "About what doll?"

"Just... because I feel so sad." Tears pooled in your eyes, but you didn't stop staring at the sky.

"What are you sad about?" It's taking everything in him for Bucky not to hold you right now. He doesn't want to make you even more upset, especially because he's never seen you like this.

"No one around me knows who I am..." He watched as a tear rolled down your cheek, shining in the light from the moon.

Bucky moves closer, just close enough for him to reach out and hold your hand. You squeeze it, instant relief flooding through him that he hasn't crossed any boundaries.

He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "I'm not breaking. I won't take it. And I won't ever feel this way again." Your voice is harder, as if your angry with yourself.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay to have feelings. You're allowed to feel like this. Don't push it away. Talk to me. Why don't you think anyone knows who you are? We're all here for you, Y/N." He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, trying to convey how serious he is.

You let out a dry laugh, wiping the the tears from your cheek. "My self preservation..." Bucky can tell there's more to, choosing to wait for you to continue. "All of my reservations..." You sigh again, sitting up, you scoot closer until you can lean your forehead against his shoulder. "I bottle it up. I'm my own biggest enemy." You let out another dry laugh, shaking your head without moving it from its resting place on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky wraps his arm around you and leans his cheek against your head. "Take your time. You can talk to me." He whispered, trying to keep you talking without getting mad at yourself again.

"Well, I'd like to tell you that my sky is not blue, it's violent rain." The sounds of your sniffles break his heart. "I just pretend everything's fine because that's what I had to do when I was younger." Rather then interrupting, Bucky continues to rub small circles on your hand and your back, encouraging you to continue when you're ready. "Can I tell you a story? I... I think it'll help explain some of it."

"Of course. Anything you need, doll." He curses himself for the pet name, not wanting you to think he's joking. He just can't help it when it comes to you.

"Thank you, ducky." You chuckle, but your words are just as sincere as his. "You know I have two sisters, and I love them with all my heart, but sometimes growing up with them was hard. My older sister, she put so much pressure on herself to succeed. And, she did. She was so good at everything she did, that I felt like I had to be just as perfect.

With my younger sister, it was like it was effortless. She put just as much, if not more pressure on herself. but, she could do anything she tried to, with almost no learning curve. I always felt this crazy amount of pressure to be just as good.

My parents, they didn't really help with that. I mean, they were so supportive and I'm so grateful to them, but it was a lot of pressure. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I wanted to get an internship. Ya know, to get some experience. It would set me up better for getting a job after graduation.

I spent months looking and applying, but nothing was working out. So, I went home for the summer. My mom would come home everyday and ask me if I got a job yet.

I spent nearly every waking hour looking for a job, even just a part time one for the summer. So one day, when we sat down for dinner and she asked if I got a job yet..."

Bucky could feel how tense you were telling this story, but he knew you needed to get it out.

"I told her, 'no, not yet' and she just seemed so disappointed. She asked if I was even applying and I snapped.

I yelled at her, something that had never really happened before. I told her I was trying. I was doing everything I could. She yelled at me for yelling and said it wasn't unreasonable to ask for updates.

I yelled right back. I kept saying I spend all day everyday trying and just when I finally get a break, she walks in and brings it all up again. I was stressed enough without her constant reminders.

I ended up running away from the table, in tears. I hid in the bathroom, there... there was a pair of scissors on the counter and I really thought about killing myself that day."

The tears are pouring out of you at this point. Bucky threw caution to the wind. He picked you up, maneuvering you to sit across his lap and lean your head on his chest. He kept rubbing circles into your back, murmuring words of encouragement.

"My younger sister tried to check on me, but I wouldn't open the door. My mom stomped down the hallway to her bedroom. I was full on having a panic attack in the hallway bathroom. I think I stayed in there for an hour before I went back to the dinner table.

My dad was in the kitchen. He put my plate in the microwave to heat up dinner for me. I ate through near constant tears, it only got worse every time he tried to ask me what happened. Why I snapped like that.

I wanted to apologize to my mom for yelling, so after I ate I went to her room. I knocked, and when she told me to come in I opened the door. I just remember her looking so angry.

I apologized. I told her I was sorry for yelling. She said something about not being unreasonable again. I cried again. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I was scared.

I couldn't put it into words though, so when she asked me 'of what?' I just shrugged. Then, she asked me if I was on my period.

God. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at her again, To make her understand 'I only wanna die some days. But if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?' I decided that day that I would never try to tell anyone how I actually felt."

Bucky holds you as you cry. You're not sure how long it's been when you can finally breathe enough to talk again.

"I just, so many people have bigger problems then me. I grew up in a loving household. I went to college and made friends. I got a job after I graduated. So why am I so sad sometimes? I just wanna scream but what’s the use? At night, I lay awake and I stare at the door, I just can’t take it no more."

Bucky continues comforting you when he speaks again. "Just because other people have problems, doesn't mean yours are irrelevant. You are 100% allowed to feel however you feel, even if it seems like there's no reason for it. Have you ever thought about talking to someone about all of this? I know you just said you haven't told anyone how you actually feel for years, but I think it could help." He smiled nervously when you raised your head to look at him.

"I have actually. I joked about it a lot with my roommate right out of college. I always used to say 'everybody needs therapy' as a joke. Of course, I meant it. Most people probably do need therapy." You laughed, moving your arms around Bucky's neck to hug him. "Thank you for listening to me. I like talking to you."

Of course, Bucky noticed your smile didn't reach your eyes. He was confident in his words when he spoke again. "You can always talk to me. I'll always be there to listen." He followed that with a less confident "What's been bothering you today?"

"Oh, nothing that serious. It's just all pent up inside, ya know?" You smiled again, hiding your face so he couldn't see your lies.

Of course, he could still hear it in your voice. "Y/N, you can tell me. I want to be here for you."

"I... It's just, my insecurities are hurting me." You laughed at yourself. "Here we go with the fucking riddles, again. On the plus side, I think I've cried so much I'm back to one drink Y/N."

"Well, it has been 3 hours since I left to come find you." You were grateful for Bucky's joke, needing something to lift the mood a bit. "But, don't try and change the subject. I still want to know what's got you all sad." His words were light, but you knew how serious he was.

You took a deep breath, burying your head in his neck. "How could somebody ever love me?" You spoke into his shirt, not moving your head back even an inch.

"You know I can't understand you when you talk into my neck like that." Bucky tried joking, but even he knew it would do little to calm your fears.

You moved back, lips still grazing his skin when you repeated yourself, "how could somebody ever love me?"

Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to tell you how much he loves you. He would gladly spend every day of his life loving you, but he didn't think this was the right time. Not when you just poured your heart out to him. So he settled for the almost truth.

"Anyone would be lucky to love you. You are selfless. You put everyone else first, no matter what. You always make sure everyone has a reason to smile, even when things aren't going right. You tell the best jokes. You're great at cuddling." He squeezes you closer to him, emphasizing the point. "You are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone who comes into contact with you automatically has a better day. You are incredibly strong and independent. I've never met anyone so incredibly good. Even Steve. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you."

His words brought more tears to your eyes, pooling in the corners. "Then how come everyone that I’ve dated says they hate it cause they don’t know what to do with me? I feel broken."

"They were all idiots. You're not broken. Not even a little bit. You're learning how to express your feelings. You just need someone who would take it slow." He pressed a kiss to your forehead, struggling not to tell you everything.

"I wonder if you’d take it slow." Your eyes go wide when that slips out. You hadn't meant to make things uncomfortable. One look at Bucky's face has you freaking out. He looks stunned. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out! Oh god, you've been there for me all night and I go and fuck it up by admitting I'm in love with you."

Your eyes grow even larger. You would move out of his lap, but his arms are still holding you in place. "Shit! Maybe I'm still drunk because apparently I have no filter." You say the last part more to yourself, but he can still hear you.

"Y/N?" Your name comes out of his mouth in a soft whisper.

"Yes?" You cringe internally at messing everything up.

"I would take it slow." He smiles, leaning his forehead against yours while he waits for you to absorb his words.

"Yeah?" You whisper back, a smile ghosting your lips.

"Yeah." You both lean in, exchanging soft, slow kisses and sleepy smiles.

The two of you ended up falling asleep leaning against the back of the couch. The sun streaming through the windows, combined with the noise of the other avengers in the kitchen, wakes you up.

You nudge Bucky, grinning when he pulls you closer.

"C'mon. Let's get some breakfast." He groans again, but eventually stands up.

The two of you walk into the nearly full kitchen, surprising everyone by coming from the lounge rather than the elevators. They share amused expressions, unaware of the emotional hurdles you jumped last night.

You head right for Sam, hugging him tightly before moving on to hug everyone else.

"I just wanted to thank you all. For encouraging me to live a little last night, but also for being there for me." Tears spring to your eyes again, shocking everyone but Bucky. "You're all like a family to me and I'm so glad I have you all to lean on." You made your way back to Bucky, leaning into his side while he poured both of you some cereal.

You smile when you look at him, kissing his cheek before sliding into the stool next to his.

As if broken out of a day dream, Sam sputters out a question. "What the hell did seven drink Y/N do last night?" Thrown off both by your behaviour with Bucky and the short emotional speech.

"Oh, seven drink Y/N is an emotional little bitch. I think I cried eight years of suppressed tears." You laughed, grinning at Bucky when he squeezed your hand. "Also, I think I need a therapist." Your casual admission has Tony spitting out his breakfast.

"What the hell happened last night after you disappeared from the party?" He guffaws, trying to put the pieces together.

"Also, why aren't you even a little bit hungover?" Nat chimed in, upset at missing out on seeing you anything but cheery.

"Well, to answer Nat first, I don't get hungover. Never have, even the one time I blackout out." You shrugged at everyone's slightly jealous expressions. "To answer Tony, I had an emotional breakthrough. Bucky helped me talk through it, something I never thought I'd be able to do. Long story short, i'm going to learn how to share my feelings instead of suppressing them all."

"Suppressing them? What are you talking about? I've literally never felt anything but happiness from you before?" Wanda questioned the new development.

"Well, that's because I'm really good at hiding how I feel. I'd rather not go through it all again, so just watch the security footage from the lounge last night, yeah? I want you all to know, even if it took seven drink Y/N to share it." You quickly finished eating, pulling Bucky to the doorway.

"While you do that, we're going out. Bye!" Before they could question anything else, you ran to the elevator, dragging a very willing Bucky behind you.

"We're going out?" He questioned when the elevator doors shut.

"Yep. Get dressed, I want to see all your favorite places in New York. Even if they're different now. Take me to all your favorite spots." You both smiled, sharing another soft kiss before parting to change for the day.

"Hey," Bucky called, causing you to turn over your shoulder, "I love you."

"I love you too."

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #tw: suicide #tw: depression #tw: panic attack

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heyyyharry · 3 years

Text

Happier

(inspired by happier by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.4k

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Part 1: Drivers License

Part 2: Deja Vu

A/N: I edited the original lyrics to match the POV :)

Harry had come up with a thousand scenarios of how this day would play out. Actually, he’d been thinking of this day since the moment he’d received the news. He didn’t dare to hope that she’d say yes to coming back for a sequel. He’d been sure that they would write her character off, give a lame excuse for how his love interest could not make a return and make his character forget about her completely to move on with a new girl in town. It would have been great if it was that easy in real life. Once someone was written off the script, they were gone for good. Real-life relationships were not that simple. Goodbye didn’t mean ‘never see you again’. You would still share the same friend circle and social bubbles, and it was worse when you two worked in the same industry. Harry didn’t know how he’d lasted a year without running into her, not since the Grammys.

“Didn’t you two date?”

“No.” Harry shook his head, but his eyes stayed glued on Y/N from across the room. She wasn’t looking his way, too busy saying hello to everyone else. “No,” he repeated, more to himself than to his co-star. “We didn’t.”

“But she wrote an entire album about you,” said the other twin. What was her name again? Lulu?

“Luna!” cried her sister, Lex. “You can’t ask him that!”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry said with a tight smile, slightly annoyed by the blonde twins, but he didn’t want to seem like an ass on the first day of filming. “And I don’t know if it was for me. You should ask Y/N.”

“Ask me what?”

Harry flinched when he looked up and saw Y/N padding towards them. She hugged the twins, who seemed way too excited. Harry guessed they were Y/N’s fans. They gave off crazy fangirl vibes, probably just pretending not to know the drama to interrogate him. He couldn’t blame them for assuming he was the villain and definitely could not blame Y/N for portraying him as one. It was more important that he knew who he was and how much he had changed since his last relationship. Maybe they could finally be friends.

“Were they bothering you?” Y/N asked him once the twins had left.

Harry nodded. “They’re your friends?”

“Oh, I met them last year on tour. I’m surprised you don’t know them. They were on Disney.”

“I don’t watch Disney,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Well, not today’s Disney.”

“Understandable.” Y/N nodded and bit her lip. She seemed guarded with her straight back and hands hidden behind her. She eyed him up and down, quite subtle yet noticeable. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, nodding slowly. “You?”

“Yeah, but mostly tired because of tour.”

“You’re done?”

“Yup, last night was the last show.”

“Nice.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Nice?”

Harry blinked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Y/N giggled. “You still sound very...you.”

“Well, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, you should. But it’s been a year so…I mean, you haven’t changed much.”

“Right,” he said lowly, his eyes falling to his feet. Harry supposed he should say something else, perhaps bringing up another random topic to discuss, but all he could think about was what had happened between them. Things had been messy, hadn’t they? How could they go back to before that? Before her first song about him. Before he’d chosen someone else over her.

Or he could talk about her new relationship. She’d been in a happy relationship for almost six months, right? No wait, hadn’t they broke up two weeks ago? He wasn’t sure because he hadn’t been catching up. If they’d broken up, he’d sound like an ass to even mention her ex’s name. He should just stay quiet.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, gesturing at her stylist who was waiting by the door.

Harry could ask her right now -- the reason she’d agreed to film the sequel to their first movie together. He’d heard from a very reliable source that she’d specifically asked her agent to decline any project that he was in. So did this mean they were good? That she didn’t hate him anymore? He could have gathered his courage and got the answer right then…

“Yeah, see you.”

...but he didn’t.

And so she gave him a smile and a little wave, then happily returned to her stylist.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N!”

“See you, Annie!” Y/N said as she put the rest of her things into her tote bag. Her new driver had got her schedule mixed up, and so she had to wait here for another half an hour. She was in no rush. It had been a light first day, and she’d had a fun time getting to know the new cast members and catching up with old friends.

She sat on the sofa in the lobby, legs crossed, texting her best friend about her day. She’d purposely left out the short off-screen conversation with Harry, and her best friend didn’t even bother to ask. In their world, he didn’t exist, and his name was censored in every conversation like a curse word that was even worse than ‘cunt’. Nevertheless, she didn’t hate him anymore. She was doing just fine on her own, being busy with her career, and she’d been in a happy relationship after her fall out with him.

She and the guy, a model, had broken up two weeks ago due to long distance and some differences that they could not change. They had ended on good terms and decided to stay friends. They said you could only stay friends with your ex when you still had feelings for each other, or you had never loved each other that much in the first place. For her, it was probably the latter. Her previous relationship had been more platonic than romantic, apparently. So she had nothing but the best to say about him.

As she was going through her camera roll, just reminiscing about the past, she heard footsteps approaching and looked up to find Harry. He offered a smile and gestured to the spot beside her on the sofa. “May I sit here? My ride is late.”

“Yeah, sure.” She hurriedly scooted over.

“Good job today,” he said. “You were great.”

“Thanks, so were you.” She smiled, and they both looked away at the same time. This was so awkward. She hated small talk. She’d never had to have small talk with Harry. Conversations with him used to be so easy and natural and silly. Whatever this was, it wasn’t them.

“Can we just be normal?”

At first, Y/N thought she’d been the one who’d said it, so when she realised it’d been Harry, she was speechless.

He swallowed and sat a bit straighter, still not looking at her. “I don’t want us to be weird and awkward.”

“Okay,” she said.

He cleared his throat. “Wanna try again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, not to sound like an ass but when Joey kept forgetting his lines, I was so pissed off, I could throw a chair at the wall.”

“Right?!” exclaimed Y/N, feeling free to have finally broken out of her shell. “Like, he doesn’t even have many lines. I know he’s new but damn...you can’t get far if you don’t learn your goddamn lines.”

Harry shook with laughter. “Oh God, we sound like dicks, don’t we?”

“Maybe.” Y/N laughed, covering her mouth. “But you know what? We can’t be nice in this industry. It’s impossible.”

“Shhh, if someone heard this, we would be into big trouble.”

“Oh please, I’ve had worse articles written about me than ‘Y/N speaks facts about her lazy co-star’.”

Harry tossed his head back and cackled. “The worst one I’ve got this week was ‘Harry Styles hates therapists.’”

“What?!” Y/N gasped. “No way! That’s so stupid!”

“Right?” Harry rolled his eyes. “I could get all my therapists to speak up for me but I’m kinda immune to bullshit now.”

“Therapists? Like plural?”

“Yeah, one in every city.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

Y/N rubbed her hands onto her legs. “Rough year?”

Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned back. “You have no idea.” Then he swept his hair out of his eyes, sucked in a breath, and finally looked at her. “I wish I could have talked to you, though.”

She bit her tongue, knowing what she was about to say next would disappoint her best friend so much, but she had to. “So do I.”

Harry looked taken aback before his lips curled into a smile. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in a year, and I feel like I know everything that’s happened to you except that I don’t.”

What he’d just said might make no sense for most people, but Y/N knew exactly what he meant. She nodded and wetted her lip. “You only know as much as everyone else does.”

“Yeah, I got updates on you from the news and our friends.”

“Same.” Y/N smiled back. “I hate how they write articles about your new haircut but not mine.”

“I like your new hair colour.”

“Thanks. I like your new car.”

Then they both burst out laughing. It was fun and also a little bit strange that Y/N didn’t feel the same anxiety talking to him as she used to. It must be because they had grown and were now meeting again as better people.

“Damn, my ride's here,” Y/N said as she read the text from her driver. “I gotta go now.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry stood up and followed Y/N to the entrance. “Hey, just wondering--”

“Yeah?”

“Am I...am I still blocked?” He looked a bit flustered as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “On your phone. Because I remember you having my number blocked--”

“I unblocked you on your birthday.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I should’ve sent you a happy birthday text but...I didn’t want your girlfriend to get the wrong ideas.”

“My ex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They smiled at each other one last time before saying goodbye. Y/N knew it was silly, but she was hoping he would go after her.

Ding.

A notification popped up when she was in the car. She was almost home, and it was from Harry’s number. He’d sent her a link with a message that said, “Hope you like it :)”.

Curious, she tapped on it and was directed to an audio file titled ‘Track 5’. The upload date was last year. About two weeks after their short conversation at the Grammys.

Hurriedly, she fumbled inside her bag for her iPods and put it on before she pressed play.

“Hey, Jeff, I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this song. Listen and let me know if it should go on the album.”

Then came the piano intro. It sounded good, so Y/N wondered how it hadn’t ended up on his last album.

But when he started to sing...

We ended a while ago Your friends are mine, you know, I know You've moved on, found someone new One more guy who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But he’s so nice, he’s so funny Does he mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And does he tell you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen? An eternal love bullshit he might not even mean Remember when you were with me I meant it when you heard it first from me

And now I'm pickin' him apart Like cuttin' him down will make you miss my wretched heart But he’s charming, he looks kind He probably gives you butterflies

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better

I hope you're happy I wish you all the best, really Say you love him, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on him I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The song was for her. He’d written it when her new relationship had gone public. Y/N sat there, staring blankly ahead until the honking of a car tore open her inner peace, and reality came crashing back in. The driver dropped her off at her house. Instead of going inside, she stood on her front steps and replayed the song one more time. When it ended, she decided to text him: Why didn’t this make it to the album?

She didn’t know where he was now, but it showed ‘typing’ in less than a second, as if he’d been waiting in their chat since he’d sent that link.

You would’ve hated me, Y/N.

True, she replied. Still, I would’ve loved the song lowkey. And added, I love it btw.

He took so long to type that it was driving her crazy. She flopped down on the concrete stair with her phone clutched in her hands, her heart thundering against her ribcage. Anxiety popped like a balloon when his message appeared: Were you happier?

She reread it again and again.

No.

I wasn’t either, he responded. I kept getting deja vu.

Ha, nice reference.

That song is my guilty pleasure. Love listening to you roasting me on loop.

That last message made Y/N bury her face into her palm and giggle like a fool. She thought for a second and wrote: I could come roast you in person now if that’s what you prefer. I think we’ve never had a proper roasting.

Can we meet, Y/N? Or are you busy now?

No, not busy.

Great, I’ll pick you up.

Just tell me where, she responded with a smile on her face. I got my drivers license now :)

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic

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baka-writings · 4 years

Text

𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

Warnings: A tiny (Subin) bit of nsfw

YAY MY 1ST VICTON REQUEST

Also I went kinda overboard with Hanse, cuz I'm a biased bitch 😅

𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐰𝐨𝐨

the sweetest bf ever, no kidding

honestly he'd do anything for you, anytime

like you wanna go on a date at midnight? you got it

he'd take care of you

lowkey forcing you eat your meals

and of course checking out if you eat your meals properly

he'd be the gentleman he is almost always whether he's tired or not

very affectionate

pda in front of other members? oh yEs

gives you random kisses 24/7

he'd be really quick to notice if there's something bothering you

he'd ask you about it and try his best to solve your problem

would listen to everything you're saying, nodding here and there

he's very serious when needed so if you were telling him something really serious/bad he'd be in the top 3 of the most understanding members in Victon

but he'd be also annoying like

challenging you in everything

he'd let you win tho, ngl

unless it was in bed😌

he's a strong man and fairly tall so no escaping

but even then he'd be such a gentleman

at first

later he wouldn't be that gentleman sorry not sorry

(later in the relationship/when you already did the deed etc)

he's a dom obviously

and very vocal if you ask me

i feel like he'd lOve to use his tongue anYwhere on you

would be rough most of the time but at the same time be careful not to hurt you

he'd love to pull your hair

and you better pull his too

also kinda kinky imo

he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, in bed as well

so you better watch out 😌

𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐢𝐤

the sweetest bf ever no 2

he'd sing for you anytime you wanted

he'd be so happy if you compliment his singing

cooks for you

wouldn't let you cook so you'd have to plead him

he'd like nicknames you'd give him unless they are dumb 😂

my personal favorite for him is angel, cuz he sings like one and looks like one

he'd same as Seungwoo take care of you

like a true mom

eye smiles 24/7

unlike Seungwoo, he wouldn't show that much pda in front of the members cuz they'd tease him for that too

but would always stay close to you whenever you all hangout

he'd sing you before sleep and would get flustered if you actually didn't fall asleep and only listened to his singing

he'd like to have you close to him

especially when you sleep

WHICH REMINDS ME

😈

he's not as kinky as Seungwoo

but i think his biggest turn on would be your face while he's slamming himself inside of you

i can also lowkey see him liking to be slightly choked, but not too much

which reminds me

switch

i don't see him that vocal honestly

but would like you being vocal

yes he likes to keep you close during these times too sO he'd probably go too deep just to be close don't @ me

when you are done i see him switching to his momma self again and clean ya'll up

unless you want another round 😌

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧

aka my side hoe

clown 1/3

he'd talk the shit outta you

annoying

but cute

too much pda in front of others

unless someone teases him about it

then he'd add even more

pda with some inappropriate touches, always a yes for him

he wouldn't even try to hide it tbh

pls touch his dimples

he'd crack jokes whenever you're sad, mad, stressed etc

so honestly there would be NO time for such negative emotions ✨

but he'd also tease you sometimes so you better prepare some comebacks

when you two are already dating he might get a bit possessive i feel like

but not the jealous possessive

more like he'd be lowkey worried you'd leave him or something

mention his brother and he'll gladly introduce you, but would be protective af

talking about his bro, if you want to tease him or want him to make love to you, just say his bro was your bias in madtown and he'll show you why he should be the only one you look at ;)

but he wouldn't really show it unless needed

great kisser

like have you seen those lips?

delicious

cuddles every day, anytime and anywhere

he looks cute and innocent, but we know he ain't

call him byunchan (pervert + Chan in korean)

we all know what I'm talking about 😉

you should probably watch what you're saying cuz he will make double meanings and pervert things from anything

unless you want that

in that case get ready for some fun

kinda kinky tbh

a switch

those hips 🥵

he'd be slightly on the rougher side tbh

if his hips do the same thing as when he's dancing then well rip you

bitting kink

would maybe like to choke you while he overstimulates you 💀

𝐒𝐞𝐣𝐮𝐧

clown 2/3

another annoying one

would talk the shit out of you as well

every date is eating somewhere

him eating your food

eating competitions between you two

PDA!! Like he'd even show you off

compliments won't work on him cuz he knows he's all that

you'd like to scare him sometimes even with the help of his members

he'd cry

he'd let you borrow his hoodies

"it looks better on me tho"

he'd be happy if you jammed to his songs and sang his parts

wouldn't let you touch his dimples or kiss them for fREE

which means he has to have something in it to let you touch 'em

probably a kiss or something

such a tease

and a brat

he's a switch, nothing else

praising kink (recieving)

he'd be very confident in himself during these times too

would like his hair to be pulled

i can also see him liking mirror sex??

i mean seeing him fucking you from behind in the mirror sounds kinda hot if you ask me 🥵

also he is kinky too, but keeps his kinks a bit lowkey.. at first

would high-key love being tamed like a brat he is

oh and also i see him being vOcal, same like Seungwoo

not that rough, but deep thrusts making you lose it pretty soon ;) aka ego boost

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐞

my main hOe

clown 3/3

loud af

pda in front of members

always

but for him I feel like it'd also be some kind of flirting and inappropriate touches so someone, probably Sejun would "get a room" y'all

tattoos, pls touch them

or lick them-

honestly, biased or not he'd be one of the best bfs from this group

he seems like he could kill a bitch, but we know he's a soft boy

sometimes

he'd be all giggly around you during your 1st days/weeks of dating

but then..ooof

a real clownery tbh

he'd like to be taken care of, like cooking for him, checking up on him and so on

that would make him so so so happy and happy Hanse is what we want

always.

he'd love you two have matching accessories like earrings or chokers! (so he could choke you later)

everytime he smiles, you smile and then he smiles when you smile and-

okay but then he'd also be a pervert and sometimes you'd have to go 'eH?' when he talks shit to check if you heard correctly or not

you'll always hear correctly

ya'll would paint each other's nails

everytime he makes a new song, he'd ask you what do you think because your opinion is important to him

he'd be a lil happy puppy when you compliment his songs (either solos or group songs since he co-writes the lyrics)

I'd like to think he wouldn't wake you up anNoYinGly as he did to Seungsik, but- uhh he would

you might challenge him in freestyle, he'd let you win and compliment your skills even If you were nOt as good as him (i mean is that possible?)

but also would be highkey shook If you did very good, he'd even forget his lyrics so you'd win

then he'd whine

anyway...a switch (dom lean)

his usual flirty line or when he's in the mood would be "mind tasting my piercing?"

and If you're in the mood just say "Sure If I can Do you as well"

honestly use the "Do Hanse" joke anytime and he's yours, truly..

i feel like he'd say something like "I'll Do you now" while he enters you and fucks you senseless (like he will dO you while hAnse is in you-)

vocal in bed, but mostly like high grunts

chOking both recieving and giving as well as bitting and all of these kinks

also..his tongue..with a rap like that I can't imagine how good he'd be eating you out ;)

rough thrusts all the way

keeps going when he hears your moans

𝐁𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧

big baby

back hugs or any kind of hugs

lowkey a brat too tbh

dimples show off™

he'd be actually vEry happy if you touched his dimples lmao

that would make him kInda cocky

would sing for you randomly and also teach you some dances

he'd actually enjoy dancing and/or singing together

a great cuddle buddy tbh

he'd be very clingy

to impress you he'd act manly and just hOt (see gif)

but would sometimes fail, because you'd start laughing 💀

borrowing his hoodies and shirts

but never giving them back-

if you're a lot shorter than him, he'd for example help you reach high places

if you're not that short well

he'd put things even higher so you'd ask for his help

kinda petty imo

anYway not really kinky, but on the more vocal side in bed

don't @ me but a sub

i think his most visible kink would be you doming him 💀 honestly

also some dirty talk (recieving) while you bounce on him

i can also see him mAybe being into some ice play tbh

just think about it😈

he's not rough, not vanilla either...perfect middle path

𝐒𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐧

a baby™

cuddles! always, whether you like it or not

i think he'd be teased by his hyungs

and told to use a protection

he'd just nervously laugh like ugH yeah sure

he'd be jelly if his pets greeted you before him or payed more attention to you

he'd pout

he can be very shy sometimes, so it'd take him ages to ask you out

he'd probably be accompanied by Seungwoo if you guys met 💀

if you by any chance go drinking, you should probably stop him tbh

he'd also pout if you called him cute

"I'm not cute *pout*"

which is cute

he maybe wouldn't necessarily sing for you as he'd be shy and not very confident

but would LOVE if you sang for him, it would make him fall in love with you more... especially if it was either his song or a song he loves

he'd never interrupt you, just listen to your voice

he'd love if he brought food to him when he practices (other members would be jelly and steal his food so you better bring them too then)

sometimes he'd tell you some weird/dirty jokes without thinking about them first

his excuse would be "Hanse said-"

now all jokes aside, he is a babie but when you two are alone he'd have those dirty times

however he'd be shy to ask for what he wants, like he'd never or rarely ask for it

but you'd see it on him anyway

like he'd be unfocused and talk less

a sub(in)

you could have so much fun with him honestly 😈

tsundere (Seungwoo said it, not me🤷🏻‍♀️)

his hidden kinky

would love bitting, both recieving and giving

for some reason i also see him liking having a collar with a chain so you can pull him whenever and wherever you like?😌

he would be vanilla of course but not that rough either, however his secret dream is to go rough tbh

also he is young so he might want to try many kinks as long as both of you want that

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lonely-teddy-bear · 3 years

Note

"You look cute with a baby bump!” request with Niall Horan with brunette niall

a/n: i hope you like it. i didn’t know what kind of imagine you wanted but i sure hope you enjoy this.

word count: 1.5k

*************

It's been around three months since i've seen Niall in person, we talked everyday and he would check on me. But because he was busy and couldn't find time to fly down to my hometown I ended up spending most of my time alone. I tried my best to enjoy the moments and seeing how much I would grow but I wish Niall was here to see me and out baby grow together.

I was getting out of showering, I was on my way out to grab lunch with y/bff/n when I got a call from Niall. I answered once I had the towel wrapped around my body.

"Hey babe how are you doing," I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I loved talking to him and listening to his voice.

"I'm doing good I'm actually on my way to your place," I stopped on my tracks and then pulled my phone away from my ear to check the date and time.

"Why?" He wasn't meant to come until another two months.

"Because I wanted to see you and our unborn baby. I got some time off since I got ahead of things."

I guess that was good. I couldn't help but to fell nervous, he hasn't seen me in person since the day we found out I was pregnant. He had left a month later due to work but he's coming back to see me and I will have a bump where my somewhat flat stomach was.

"Oh well around what time are you arriving? Because I was going to go get some lunch with y/bff/n," I somewhat wanted him to tell me to go and to not wait for him. I don't know why I was feeling like this, he was my fiancé for fucks sake.

"Well it'll be a couple of hours so go ahead and I have the key to the apartment so don't worry," I felt myself calm for a minute. I walked around my room gathering the clothes I was going to wear for the day.

"Okay well be safe and text me once you get home, that's if I'm not back by then," I heard him chuckle, oh how I missed him and his laugh but mostly his smile. His smile always made me cheer up, would make my day no matter what.

"I will babe. I love you," I couldn't help but to smile. His Irish accent was so cute, especially when he would tell me he loved me.

"I love you as much." He hated when I said too because he said it felt as if I was agreeing with him so since then I have said 'as much' as i'm just as much as he loves me I love him. We equally loved each other.

Just as quick I was seating across y/bff/n talking and gossiping. She was filling me in on her new boyfriend and how he seemed to be the one. I just hope she is correct this time because she had said the same thing for the last two boyfriends.

"He is Y/n. He's perfect and his family loves me, he has taken me out to his favorite places and takes me to family events which not many guys do now a days may I add." I nodded in agreement while I hate the burger I had ordered. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I seemed to be craving meat or burgers at least which was weird because I always made sure to stick to a chicken only diet but that was out the window now.

I looked up at her still nodding, "No yeah I agree with that, but be careful okay? That's all I'm asking.

The rest of the lunch was enjoyed with some refreshments, I had felt like having a strawberry lemonade while y/bff/n had a cup of black coffee. I swear she was something else but she was always black coffee, no matter what.

Niall had texted me while I enjoyed my drink, letting me know that he was already at the apartment. Since I got the text I had gotten nervous and y/bff/n noticed.

"Girl everything will be fine. He's your fiancé there's no need to be scared. Why don't you go to him, I have to be in the office anyways," I didn't argue with her because she did have to be back at work even tho she was basically the boss of the small company she had.

I decided to take my time on driving but no matter what I had to get to the apartment, which I did in less than ten minutes. I really had trusted the roads to be filled with traffic but they ended up failing me.

Once I got inside my apartment (we both shared it but Niall had said it was more mine than his since he was barely home) I made sure to take off my tennis shoes I had started wearing since I got pregnant and placed my bag and keys on the table by the entrance.

"Y/n? I'm in your room!"

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but to laugh. He's so cute, he really calls this apartment mine when really he was the one to pay for it.

I headed over to "my" room which was close by since the apartment was one floor so everything was close by and I'm glad it was. I wouldn't have survived if there was stairs in this place, I can barely make it down to my car without having to take a break to breath, I'm not even showing a lot.

I peaked into my room not wanting Niall to see me. I wanted to see what he was up to before I go in and disturb him.

I leaned on the entrance of the door with my arms crossed. He was doing a little dance while he unpacked his suitcase. Niall seemed to be mumbling some words, probably some lyrics he was trying out or maybe it was a new song that he wrote that was now stuck in his head. It happened more often then he wanted to admit.

I didn't want to disturb his little dancing because he might dance around a lot but I don't see this calm side of him enough, well a not when he thinks he's alone.

"New song stuck on your head?" I said out loud. I saw him jump a little, turning around looking scared but then smiled when he saw me.

"It is actually, I think you will like it," he walked over to me still smiling. He didn't look away from my eyes, he seemed to be admiring them. He always said how much he liked my eyes, apparently I had a unique eye shape and color but I'm pretty sure he said that just to be all cute and romantic; which would work every time.

I saw him glance down between us when he got close enough and I swear his smile got way more bigger.

"You look cute with a baby bump!”

He got on his knees in front of me and lifted my shirt up to look at my bump closely. I squirmed a bit under his touch. not being used to him touching my stomach this way. He looked up at me and saw my discomfort. He quickly got up and held my face between his hands.

“Oh my, I’m sorry I should have asked you first. I’m sorry baby,” he looked at me with concern.

I slightly shook my head while his hands still head my face.

“It’s okay, it’s just this is your first time seeing me with a baby bump and it’s new feeling you touching my stomach like that.” He didn’t looked away from my eyes, nodding meaning he understood.

“I’m sorry again, I should have asked you first, but know you look adorable with that baby bump.” He placed a kiss on my nose making me scrunch it up. I could feel the heat rush up my cheek, I had missed him so much, especially moments like this.

“I’ve missed you Niall.” He gave me a small smile, looking at me in adoration.

“I did as well, but lucky for you i’m finishing the rest of my writing here at him with you so you won’t have to be alone.” My eyes widened in excitement.

“Really? What about recording?” He waved his hand shaking it off.

“Don’t worry about that, that won’t be necessary until I’m done writing all of the songs.” I didn’t say anything else but instead hugged him. I just wanted to spend my time with him now that he was going to be with me for a while.

“Come one babe I gotta finish unpacking for I can take you out,” I smiled against his collarbone. I looked back and gave him a a smile before I leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips.

“Alright you unpack while I grab us a drink and watch you unpack,” he chuckled shaking his head in amusement.

“Whatever your comfortable with honey.”

#niall horan x reader #niall horan imagines #niall james horan #niall horan #y/n pregnant #imagine #brunette niall #niall horan fluff #fluff #one direction

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ravenluvsppnbc · 3 years

Note

Tattoo parlor au

thanks for the request! i hope this is suffice. <3

Chloe woke up on Tuesday, nerves filling her body. The sun had just risen. The birds were chirping and flying around in circles through the sky. Chloe’s alarm had woken her at eight. She took a cold shower, wishing not to waste the hot water, and was drinking a warm latte just ten minutes after. She watched the morning news, mumbling curses at the political pieces. By the time she was dressed, the news was playing a puppy segment. She smiled, switching off the television when it was done. She left the apartment by ten.

The redhead walked down the street to meet her two best friends. Aubrey and Amy were standing on the block corner, waving obnoxiously. Today was the day Chloe had been waiting for with nerve. It was also the day Aubrey had been dreading. Amy was very excited. They would be getting tattoos. Matching tattoos. The three girls had become a “groupe de trois” in college when they joined an a cappella group. Chloe and Aubrey were already years into college when freshman Amy met them.

They decided to get matching tattoos weeks ago. Today was finally the day. Aubrey leads the others to her car, which she had parked in a carpark an hour prior. The girls laughed, driving to the only tattoo parlor that Aubrey had approved. Aubrey could be a bit picky, but it balanced out Chloe’s open mindedness and Amy’s boldness. The three pulled into the lot at 11:50, which Chloe thought was perfect. Aubrey thought that they were late. Their appointment was at noon.

Chloe’s boot clomped against the ground as they entered the shop. Aubrey was taken aback by the soft rock that filled her ears as the door shut behind them. A little man with long hair peeked his head over the desk. He had a sleeve of skulls, and a nose ring. Amy walked closer to the desk and said, “Hi, we’re here for some tats.”

“Did you have an appointment already?” Little man asks.

“Yeah. We’re supposed to be scheduled for noon.” Aubrey chimes in, stepping closer to the desk.

“Alright perfect. Uh Beca is just finishing up with somebody at the moment and then Jackson is just hanging out in the back. We’ll get going in a minute.” The man said, standing up and walking back.

A guy, who Chloe assumes is Jackson, walks to the front desk and takes Aubrey to the back. Chloe and Amy stand at the front, listening to the music. A brown-haired woman in a leather jacket and doc martens walks out of a curtain with front desk man and another guy in a black tank top. Chloe can’t stop staring at this woman, who she assumes just got a tattoo. Only now, Chloe realizes, the woman jumps behind the front desk and looks at the computer. Amy walks to the back with the small man, waving.

“You’re also getting one?” The woman asks, making eye contact with Chloe.

“Yeah.” Chloe mumbles bashfully, as the other woman scans her body.

“Alright, I’m Beca” The woman says, grabbing Chloe’s hand, “Come on then.”

Beca leads Chloe to the back of the tattoo shop where theres a black curtain hanging from the ceiling. She helps Chloe into the chair. Chloe scans the space. Beca has band posters on the walls, a record player in the corner. “OO Oasis,” Chloe says, pointing to the wall, “I love them.”

“Yeah,” Beca says, sitting down on a chair, getting out a tattoo gun and ink. She spins her chair towards Chloe with a smirk. “So are you gonna tell me what your name is?”

“Oh, sorry. Just nervous that’s all. Uh. I’m Chloe.”

Beca smiles. “Don’t be too nervous,” she says, turning around to prepare the equipment, “You’re really pretty, whatever you get is gonna look dope.” Chloe smiles, blushing.

After a moment of silence, Beca speaks up again, brushing the previous comment off of her shoulder. “So what were we thinking of getting?”

“Oh I’m thinking something simple. I want it to say, ‘Bella’ and then I want to put a burrito next to it.” Chloe says.

“Well I do hope that you and Bella stay together for awhile. This one might be a little hard to explain.” Beca says, letting out a chuckle.

“Oh it’s not a relationship tattoo-”

“Oh I’m sorry. I totally just-”

“No it’s cool. It makes sense that you’d think that,” Chloe says, giggling. “My friends and I met in college. We were in an a cappella group called ‘The Bellas’ and then a guy threw a big ass burrito on one of them. So. That’s what that is.”

“So,” Beca says, sitting back down, “No burrito-obsessed girlfriend named Bella?”

“Nah.”

After a few more minutes of silence, Beca turns to Chloe to show her some sample stencils. Chloe really likes all of them, even though it is very hard to take a burrito seriously. Chloe points to the one on the left, and Beca tosses the other one onto the table. “So where do you want this thing?”

“Well I don’t really know. I was thinking maybe my shoulder. I don’t know where they’re getting theirs.”

“Shoulder sounds good. I can put a stencil there so you can see what it looks like.” Beca says, printing a second stencil. “Which arm?”

Chloe points to her left. “Do you want me to move my shirt?” She says, nervously fumbling with the hem of her sweater.

“Only if you’re comfy with it, but I don’t know how great I can do it through this. It is recommended.” Beca jokes, before Chloe pulls her top off entirely. Beca gasps, her eyes lingering on Chloe’s toned abs. Beca curses herself. She shouldn’t be flirting with a client.

Beca places the stencil onto Chloe’s left shoulder, and grabs the mirror to show her. “That looks great.”

“Alright, then we can get going. Do you want some tunes? I have a record player back here, you can pick something. But beware. It sounds super hipster coming outta that thing.” Beca says, pulling Chloe in the direction of the record player. Chloe picked Nirvana.

“Good choice.”

Chloe’s eyes follow Beca as the brunette went to the sink to wash her hands. She throws her leather jacket to the chair next to her, revealing a sleeve of patchwork. “Oo. Did you do those yourself? I love that.”

“Some of them,” Beca says, wheeling a cart over to the chair, “What’s your favorite?”

“I like this one,” Chloe says, pointing to a skull with Hozier lyrics next to it.

“Yeah I did that one. I like the skull, but the song isn’t as meaningful as it was when I did it.” She explains, chuckling. “Don’t do song lyrics.”

“Noted.” Chloe mumbles.

“Ready?” Beca says, hooking up the machine.

“Yeah.” Chloe says, exhaling.

Beca reaches for Chloe’s arm, and grabs the machine. Chloe scans over Beca’s sleeve, looking at each tattoo. After a few minutes, Chloe mumbles, “Shit.”

Beca immediately takes the needle away, and sits back in her chair. “Everything okay?” She asks quickly.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about something. Didn’t mean to spook you or anything. It’s all good.”

“Alright.” Beca says, moving back towards the redhead. She continues tattooing, looking up at Chloe each time she felt her tense up. At one point, the redhead moved Beca’s hair out of her face. Beca swears that she saw Chloe bite her lip. The brunette blushed and continued working on Chloe’s arm. Chloe knew what she was doing, and she liked it.

“Okay, I’ll get started on the burrito now. Just to be clear—you wanted a line drawing? Like not shaded in?” Beca asked, moving the needle away from Chloe’s arm.

“Yeah that sounds perfect.” Chloe said.

After a few more minutes of tattooing, Beca tilted her head to the side, running the needle along Chloe’s shoulder. Chloe caught a whiff of Beca’s perfume. She was intoxicated by it. The slight woodsy scent, but not campfire. The sweet scent made Chloe’s mind wander. “Oh my god. What perfume are you wearing? I literally. Like. I just want to keep smelling you. That sounds weird. What is it?” Chloe said, stuttering over almost all of her words.

“Well. Thanks. It’s ‘Sappho’ by Lush. All the girls love it.” Beca said with a wink.

“So that’s the goal?”

“Not always, but it’s appreciated.” Beca flirts, smiling, wiping a towel over Chloe’s shoulder.

“Do you flirt with all of your clients?”

“No. I’m really not supposed to. But you’re making it a little hard at the moment.” Beca says, blushing as she cleans up the cart.

“Oh. Sorry.” Chloe says, feeling a little ashamed.

“Don’t be sorry. I like it,” Beca flirts, writing on a few papers. “Here’s your guide to having a tattoo. Basically what you should and shouldn’t do. And something you should do—uh. My number. It’s in there. I don’t know what you’re into but I’d love to take you out.”

“I’ll definitely call you.” Chloe says, leaving the space.

She meets Amy and Aubrey back at the front, where they compare tattoos and pay. Chloe leaves a nice tip. She makes eye contact with Beca, who is now standing behind the desk, as she exits the shop. Beca sends her another wink.

When Chloe gets into the car, she opens up the paper to find Beca’s number written neatly with a signature next to it, and a heart. She adds Beca’s number to her phone, as they drive away.

#bechloe #pitchperfect #pitchperfectau #tattoo parlor #becamitchell #chloebeale

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that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick · 3 years

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Stray Kids as ABBA songs

Because I heard the end of Chiquitita on a skz edit, and it brought me indescribable joy and reminded me how much I love ABBA

Disclaimer: some are perfect, some are based on vibes, some are specifically because of certain excerpts. If they come across weird, I'm sorry, and you can fight me if you want. I might win or I might lose, considering I'm 5'2 but also have biceps and a fierce sense of competition when need be, but it is what it is and now I'm rabbit trailing...ABBA TIME.

Bang Chan

Chiquitita

Does this even require commentary because I don't think it does. He's just ✨like that✨

Chiquitita, tell me the truth/I'm a shoulder you can cry on/Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on

Lee Know

Does Your Mother Know

Okay this is purely based on vibes and definitely not what I actually think would happen. Also the inherent pun clinched it for me. The vibe is the following face/situation:

Well, I can dance with you, honey, if you think it's funny/Does your mother know that you're out?

Changbin

When All Is Said And Done

Mostly for these excerpts. 3racha never stops pushing limits, man.

We're still striving for the sky/No taste for humble pie

It's so strange when you're down and lying on the floor/How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more/Clear-headed and open-eyed/With nothing left untried

Hyunjin

Mamma Mia

I considered other songs like Lay All Your Love On Me, but I think he would enjoy the happy vibes and drama and jam out to Mamma Mia 😊

Mamma mia, here I go again/My, my, how can I resist ya?/Mamma mia, does it show again/My, my, just how much I've missed ya?

Jisung

Super Trouper

Oof I considered so many sad boi hours songs, but I think this one fits him best because it's got equally as much happy as sad and I was very much thinking about SLUMP in my thought process. Oh and also one clip I saw where he got really excited when he saw his mom in the crowd after a show

I was sick and tired of everything/When I called you last night from Glasgow/All I do is eat and sleep and sing/Wishing every show was the last show/So imagine I was glad to hear you're coming/Suddenly I feel all right/And it's gonna be so different/When I'm on the stage tonight

Felix

I Have A Dream

I thought Sunshine Boi deserved one of my favorite ABBA songs

I Have a Dream, a song to sing/To help me cope with anything/If you see the wonder of a fairy tale/You can take the future, even if you fail/I believe in angels/Something good in everything I see

Seungmin

Angeleyes

Please don't hurt me, Seungmin stans 😅 I know he's not actually terrible like the guy in the song, but I thought it fit how he looks angelic but he'll actually kill you in your sleep with no evidence but actually he puts others above himself. But he's still in savageracha for a reason.

Look into his angel eyes/You'll think you're in paradise/And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise/Don't look too deep into those angel eyes

Jeongin

Dancing Queen

Okay yeah yeah I know it sounds like a cop out and originally it was, but hear me out. Look at all the lyrics (not just my excerpt) and tell me it doesn't fit our Maknae Heart Stealer™ other than the 17 part

You are the dancing queen/Young and sweet/Only seventeen

Bonus: OT8

Under Attack

...yes

I hardly dare to think of what could happen/Where I'd be if I fell/Under attack, I'm being taken/About to crack, defenses breaking/Won't somebody see and save a heart?/Come and rescue me now 'cause I'm falling apart

Okay I'm done but I couldn't not include my favorite ABBA song 😘

#stray kids #skz #skz stay #bang chan #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #felix lee #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #lovestay #abba #that last link is just me proving that i have a stay number of braincells #hi Chris how ya doin

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 4 years

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Meant To Be Yours | Luke Patterson

A/N: this is for all the Heathers fans and Musical Theater lovers out there! I was listening to the soundtrack today and realized how incredibly good Luke would be at singing meant to be yours... Nobody asked for this but... Here ya goooo!

Pairing: Luke Patterson x Musical Theater Program!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, minor swearing

Words: 5,470

Being a Musical Theater fan and in Los Feliz High’s Musical Theater program has never made Y/N very popular with her peers. Besides her friends at the Musical Theater program and Julie and Flynn, she never really had many people taking as much as a glance at her. None of that really improved when she and Luke started dating. No one believed she was dating the cute hologram band member from Julie and The Phantoms. Thank God they don’t know the truth. Dating a ghost would get her twice the bullying.

The first time she saw them was when the boys performed ‘Bright’ with Julie at the spirit rally about three months ago. Julie had never told Y/N she played with a hologram band, and though Flynn was upset about it, Y/N just found it incredibly confusing. Julie would’ve told her and Flynn about a hologram band. There must be something else that she’s not telling her, she figured. Something just doesn’t add up about the whole story. And after an entire night of lying awake in bed, she heads to Julie’s garage before school the next day , finding the three hologram band boys there, hanging around together.

She glances from the cute guy behind the drums, to the other with the flannel, to finally land on the -- in her opinion -- cutest of the three with the orange beanie covering most of his dark hair, trying to connect the dots. “Oh, hey, Y/N,” Julie greets when she enters the garage, making Y/N snap out of her thoughts. “Dad told me he saw you walk into the studio.” She glances at the boys, trying her hardest to pretend they’re not even there. “So… Are you going to tell me why your hologram band is in your garage?” Julie’s eyes widen at this question, then dart to each of the boys, who look about as confused as her. “Y-you can see them?” Julie stutters, trying to figure out what’s happening. “Yes? Am I not supposed to?” Y/N’s eyes dart over to the boys again as they gather closer towards the two girls. “Why are you all looking at me like that?” She’s growing more and more nervous. Maybe she has something on her face. “You better sit down for this one,” Julie gently pushes her down on the armchair before standing in front of her with the boys behind her. “They’re ghosts… They died in 1995 when they ate some bad hot dogs and I’m pretty much the only one that can see them… Except for you, apparently.” Y/N tries her hardest to understand what’s happening right now. Those three boys are ghosts. And she can see them. She can see three ghosts. “I knew the hologram story was bullshit,” she finally manages to bring out after a couple of seconds of silence. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I didn’t want you to think I’d gone completely crazy…” Y/N lets a small smile shine out. She’d been there for Julie when she’d lost her mother and Julie had been there after Y/N’s grandmother had passed away too. “You know my grandmother used to be in this voodoo crap when she was alive, I would’ve believed you if you’d just told me.” The two girls chuckle at this, remembering the times Y/N’s grandmother used to babysit the two after school and she’d tell them these stories about ghosts and witches and voodoo. Back then, the girls used to giggle at them and mimic Grammy Dottie on their sleepovers. “I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you…” Julie takes Y/N’s hands in hers, pulling her up on her feet again. “Will you forgive me?” Y/N pretends to think about it before nodding, the two of them giggling as they embrace. Y/N’s eyes then land on the boys behind her. “You might wanna introduce me to your band though,” she whispers in her best friend’s ear. “Right,” Julie lets go of Y/N and turns to face the boys. “Boys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. My best friend since diapers, pretty much. Y/N, this is my band.” “I’m Reggie!” the boy in the flannel raises his finger, “Hi!” He gives her the most excited smile, followed by a little wave. Y/N returns the favor. “I’m Alex,” the blonde guy she’d seen behind the drums earlier, takes his turn to introduce himself. Y/N let out a soft ‘hi’ before looking over at the last member. The one in the orange beanie. The one with the gorgeous, tender hazel eyes and the soft smile plastered on his face. He doesn’t introduce himself at first, it takes Reggie nudging him with his elbow before he flinches back to earth. “I-I’m Luke….” A faint blush creeps onto his cheeks. “It’s very nice to meet you, boys,” she says to all of them, but keeps her eyes on Luke. There’s something about him that attracts her eyes to him. Maybe it’s the smile or the eyes. Or the arms. But just maybe there’s something about this vibe he’s giving off. This kind-hearted, passionate, excited vibe that makes him so much more attractive. Just something about the way he carried himself with so much humbled confidence. There was just something about Luke.

Though Y/N found it weird at first, having a crush on a ghost, she couldn’t stop her brain from thinking about him or her heart from beating faster every time he was near. Julie and Flynn even noticed her drawing hearts in her notes from class, and humming love songs in the hallways. They couldn’t keep themselves from teasing you about it either. “Back on Cloud Luke, Y/N?” Flynn makes her snap out of her thoughts when Julie and her join Y/N at the lunch table. A scarlet tint crawls onto her cheeks as she subtly hides the ‘LP’ doodles she’d drawn in her musical script. “What?! No!” she yelps out a little too defensively. “I don’t have a crush on Luke, you guys. I don’t know where you get your information…” she chuckles nervously before sipping from her drink. Flynn and Julie exchange glances. “Exhibit A,” Julie starts and tugs the script from underneath Y/N’s arm. “Your billions of doodles of hearts and his initials in your script and notes.” Flynn whips out her phone, opening Twitter on Y/N profile. “Exhibit B,” she stars, and shows her friend the last few tweets, “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams,” She dramatically reads out the most recent one. “And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now.” “That last one is a great song,” Y/N points out. “Sure, but you never Tweet any quotes or song lyrics unless you’re truly feeling it,” Julie reasons. Y/N knows her friends are right. She does have a crush on Luke but she doesn’t want to admit she’s crushing on a ghost. A ghost. Made of air. “You can’t deny there’s chemistry between the two of you, Y/N. You’ve been inseparable since day one. Plus, he’s hella cute,” Flynn states. Y/N’s lips curl up into a smile at this. “Just remember he’s made out of air,” Julie adds, making all three of them chuckle. “Cute air,” Y/N retorts with a shrug. Flynn places a hand on hers, making her look up at her friend. “Just don’t get hurt, okay? It’s clear the two of you are mad for each other.” Y/N’s eyebrows furrow at this in confusion. “Luke doesn’t feel the same for me. Who would ever fall in love with the Musical Theater Nerd?” Her voice lowers, as does her head as she stares at her fidgeting hands on the table. “Uh, have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror? Ever?” Julie exclaims, almost angrily. “You are so gorgeous, Y/N,” Flynn chimes in with affirmation. “You have a killer body,” Julie continues. “A killer voice,” Flynn goes on. “And you are so hilarious. Luke would be really stupid if he didn’t see that!” Y/N can’t help but smile at these compliments. Julie and Flynn always know how to cheer the girl up. “Just talk to him tonight after rehearsals.” Y/N nods her head, inhaling slowly. That night, Julie, Reggie and Alex quickly left after rehearsals, each with another excuse just so the two love birds could be alone. Y/N rolled her eyes at that, turning back to her script. Luke places his guitar in its stand before joining the girl on the couch, swatting away the script from her lap, and lying down with his head in her lap instead. She doesn’t say anything, but just lets him do whatever he feels comfortable doing. She’s now holding her script in one hand, resting it on his chest, while her other goes to his hair. It’s become an automatism for her to do that. Whether he was lying in her lap or they were just sitting next to each other, she always found her fingers tangling up in his hair. Ever since figuring out she could touch the guys, Luke has been very clingy towards her, asking for cuddles or grabbing her hand and playing around with the rings around her fingers or the bracelets around her wrists. “What are you doing?” he asks, looking at the script. “Preparing for the audition for the new musical next week,” she replies without taking her eyes off the script. The boys knew the girl could sing, and they often let her talk about her favorite musicals even though they had no clue about any of them since they’d come out after they died. “Which one is it?” he asks, his fingers running up and down her arm that’s resting on his chest. “Heathers,” she replies, “It’s based on the movie from the 80’s, do you know that one?” “Yeah, I think I watched it with Alex and his sister,” he replies, “They made a musical from that?” Y/N nods her head, her eyes glancing at his. He’s on his back, looking up at her. “Please, tell me you’re not going for one of the Heathers, though?” She shakes her head with a giggle. “Good, because I didn’t really like either of them in the movie.” “None of their parts are really in my range. I’m going to audition for Veronica.” He nods his head slowly, trying to remember which character that was. “The part Winona Ryder played in the movie.” He let out a whispered ‘aaaaaah’. “It’s a pretty big role, so I doubt I’ll actually get it.” Luke frowns at this, and sits up to face her with a disapproving scowl on his face. “You’re insanely talented, Y/N! If they don’t cast you as Veronica, they’re just crazy!” She smiles at his compliment. “Thanks, Luke…” she trails off a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “There are just so many talented people in the Musical Theater Program that I doubt they’ll pick me instead of them.” She chuckles at her own pathetic behavior. “It’s lame, I know…” He reaches for her hand when these words roll out of her mouth, capturing her attention again. “It’s not lame, Y/N. I get insecure sometimes too! Sometimes, I get these bouts of anxiety where I think our band will never be good enough for the music industry or for any manager to ever take us on. I sometimes think our songs aren’t good enough, or I’m not good enough. It’s normal, I think.” His words do make her feel a little better. “You just need someone to tell you otherwise and get those ugly thoughts out of your pretty head,” he taps her temple softly twice, making her giggle. “That’s really comforting, Luke, thank you…” She offers him a thankful smile whilst ignoring this gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wants to kiss him so badly, and judging from his eyes darting from her eyes to her lips and back, he’s thinking the exact same thing. She leans in a little, her head tilting and eyes fluttering. Butterflies erupt in her stomach as she catches Luke to do the same. They’re inches away when Carlos abruptly opens the garage doors, making the two of them jump away. The little boy’s eyes widen when he finds his sister’s best friend on the couch, cheeks reddening. “Oh, hey, Y/N. I didn’t know you were still here,” he chuckles awkwardly. Y/N knows why he’s here though. He likes to use the bathroom in the back, especially for all his number two’s. “Yeah, I was uh… Rehearsing for my audition next week,” she holds her script up in the air as proof. “You need the garage, don’t you?” He shoots her an awkward, toothy smile, which is enough for Y/N to know that he needs it for the exact reason he always needs it. “All right, I’m gone…” She glances at Luke whilst reaching past him for her backpack. “Meet me outside,” he tells you before poofing out. You do as told after saying goodbye to Carlos and leaving the garage where you find Luke sitting on the rock near the stairs to the house. She walks up a few of the stairs, so she’s on his eye-level. “I have an idea. If you want, I could help you rehearse some songs and dialogue? I could even ask the boys to help out?” She can’t withhold a smile at this suggestion of his. “You don’t know any of the music, though?” she fairly points out. “We’ll do our homework,” he replies with a grin. “Trust me, Y/N. We’ll be able to help you prepare for this audition, I promise!” Without thinking twice about it, she reaches up and kisses him on the cheek and whispers a thank you in his ear before turning on her heel and leaving the boy flustered on the rock. You didn’t talk to him like you’d promised Julie and Flynn. But at least now you know he kind of feels the same.

The first kiss happened during the first rehearsal they planned in preparation for the audition. It’s after the Julie and The Phantoms rehearsal. Y/N’s on the couch, waiting for them to finish while going over some lines and lyrics, though her eyes often diververt to Luke. He watches her too, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He can’t wait to start rehearsing with her. When he told the boys about helping Y/N out with her audition, the boys had given him knowing glances. They told him he had to do something about this obvious crush he had on her. They often teased him about kissing her, even during their rehearsals when they caught the two looking at each other with desire in their eyes. “Are you ready, Y/N?” Reggie asks when the rehearsal with Julie finishes. His voice makes her avert her eyes from Luke’s, clearly far away on Cloud Luke. “Mmh?” she hums, not having registered his question until she repeats it in her mind, “Oh, yeah!” She gets up from the couch to join the boys at their instruments whilst Julie sits down on the couch instead. She offers Y/N an encouraging grin, excited to hear her sing again. Julie and Flynn were always the ones on the front row during any of the musicals the Theatre Program put on. They were there when Y/N played Chris in Carrie, and when she played Janice in Mean Girls. That last one was Julie’s favorite role she’d ever seen Y/N in. “We listened to the entire soundtrack last night, Julie showed us,” Alex informs his friend excitedly, proud he’s so informed on the musicals from the last decade. “We listened to the Broadway version and the West End version, so just tell us what you wanna do.” “I’m kind of stuck between these two songs to do for my audition. I wanna do I Say No, from the West End version because it showcases my range really well. But I also wanna do Seventeen because it’s my favorite, though I’m gonna need a person to duet with.” She can’t hide the fact that she wanted to duet the song with Luke, even though he can’t join her on the audition. Because one, you can only audition with someone from the program, and two… Luke is dead. “Let’s try the first one first?” Reggie suggests, looking over at Y/N. “Sure, you guys know the chords?” she asks the two with the guitars. They both nod before starting to play, Alex joining in with the drums too. Y/N grabs Julie’s white microphone after silently asking for her permission, which she granted by nodding her head. “You are a drug You are a poison pill I've got to kick this habit now Or else I never will I loved the rush When you would hold me close But you will not be satisfied Until I overdose” Julie has always admired how she can switch off from the world around her and get into character so quickly. The passion in her eyes and facial expressions are convincing, to say the least. “This is it Hit the brake I am finally awake Let me be Let me go You need help I can't provide I am not qualified This troubled teen is getting clean I say no” “Veronica, who else is gonna be-” Y/N’s eyes widen for a second when Luke chimes in with JD’s line in the song. But recomposes herself and turns to him completely, singing the next part to him. “No, no, no, no! Don't say a word You speak and I cave in You'll twist the truth again And drill deep down beneath my skin You said you'd change And I believed in you But you're still using me to justify the harm you do” She turns to Julie again, as if speaking to the audience like she would in the play. This leaves Luke a bit disappointed. He keeps his eyes on her, a smile tugging at his lips as he admires her. “This is it Hit the brake Call it all my mistake Long as you let me go You need help I can't provide I'm not Bonnie You're not Clyde It's not too late I'm getting straight I say no” Julie gets up from the couch and moves to the keyboard to back up with some softer tones for the bridge as the boys stop playing their instruments, whilst Y/N turns to Luke again. Imagining him as Jason Dean would be a terrible idea, but she’s going with it. “Blame your childhood, blame your dad Blame the life you never had But hurting people? That's your choice, my friend” The boys join in with their instruments again, building up the rest of the bridge. “'Cause I believe that love will win And hate will earn you nothing in the end This is the end” Luke looks at her in admiration and so much love, and decides to say JD’s line, though with a softer touch. “But I love you!” Y/N almost believes it, but recomposes herself, remembering the role she’s supposed to play and withhold during an entire musical. “Dude” She steps away from him while the boys sing the chorus along with her. “This is it I won't cry Starting now, I will try To pay back All the karma I owe Start again Somewhere new Far from cold guys like you So goodbye 'Cause now I I say no Just in time I say no Somehow I'm saying no Just say no I say no No!” The boys stop playing as Y/N lowers her microphone, panting from the last high notes she had to hit, and hit flawlessly. Reggie and Alex exchange glances with Julie while Luke simply stares at Y/N, a content sigh leaving his body. “That was so good!” Reggie makes Y/N snap out her thoughts -- like why Luke’s ‘I love you’ sounded so real. “I got ghost bumps!” He shows his arm even though it’s covered by his leather jacket. Y/N chuckles, biting down her lip nervously. “Let’s do the other one,” Alex then suggests, “Which was that? The duet, right?” Y/N nods her head slowly as nerves course through her body. She knows Luke’s going to want to play JD, like he’s done in the previous song too. “Luke, are you up for it?” The words roll off her lips before she allows them to. He nods his head eagerly, making the others chuckle, knowing why. They’d talked about this song last night, the boys teasing Luke by telling him he should probably learn this by heart if he wants to conquer Y/N’s heart. Y/N nods at Alex, who counts them in before hitting his drums, Julie and Reggie joining in with their instruments when needed. Y/N turns to face Luke, getting into the character of Veronica Sawyer again. “Fine! We're "damaged" Really "damaged" But that does not make us "wise" We're not "special", we're not "different" We don't choose who lives or dies Let's be normal, see bad movies Sneak a beer and watch TV We'll bake brownies or go bowling Don't you want a life with me? Can't we be seventeen? That's all I want to do If you could let me in I could be good with you” Her soft melodic and angelic voice makes Luke all mushy inside. “People hurt us” “Or they vanish” He sounds as vulnerable as JD does in this moment. “And you’re right, that really blows But we let go” “Take a deep breath” “And go buy some summer clothes We’ll go camping” “Play some poker” Y/N chuckles a little as her eyes tear up slightly at the tenderness of his voice. “And we’ll eat some chili fries Maybe Prom night” “Maybe dancing” “Don’t stop looking in my eyes” The power behind her voice surprises Luke that he has no other choice but to look in her eyes. All while the others join in with their instruments at full force. “Your eyes” “Can't we be seventeen Is that so hard to do? If you could let me in I could be good with you” The music gets more powerful, as do their voices. “Let us be seventeen If we've still got the right” “So what's it gonna be? I wanna be with you” “Wanna be with you” “Tonight” The electricity between the two of them and the desire that had been there all along now takes the better of her. In the heat of it all, she launches herself in Luke’s arms, pressing her lips to his in a fiery, passionate kiss. The others don’t stop playing, but they do exchange surprised and relieved glances. She breaks the kiss, but presses her forehead against his as she continues singing the song like the true professional she is. “Yeah, we’re damaged” “Badly damaged” “But your love’s too good to lose” “Hold me tighter” “Even closer” “I’ll stay if I’m what you choose” “Can we be seventeen?” “If I am what you choose” “If we’ve still got the right” “‘Cause you’re the one I choose” “You’re the one I choose” “You’re the one I choose” Suddenly, the lyrics have gotten an entirely different meaning. Especially the way they’re singing it, makes it seem like they’re actually singing it to each other. Like Y/N is singing to Luke and Luke to Y/N. Not Veronica and Jason Dean. Y/N coughs awkwardly as she steps away from Luke, glancing at the others who have their teasing grins at the ready. “That’s in the script…” she tries, but the laughter that erupts from their friends tells her she can’t lie to them. Luke and Y/N stare at each other, a shy smile on their faces as they let them laugh it out. It takes a little while before they actually die down. “Sure, Y/N, that looked very scripted,” Julie says, patting her best friend’s shoulder. There’s nothing left to hide now. You and Luke are very much in love with one another. Though it still feels weird to be in love with a ghost who, quite frankly, would be about twenty years older if he hadn’t died, Y/N couldn’t hide the feelings she had for this boy. There was no hiding it after that outburst they had just now. But maybe that’s for the better.

Thanks to the help of the boys and Julie, Y/N landed the role of Veronica Sawyer in Los Feliz High’s rendition of Heathers the Musical. Not only that, Luke and Y/N have now been dating for a month now. He’s been incredibly supportive over the course of the rehearsals of the musical, and she has been supportive of the band. It’s been fun and games, so far. Making out in the loft after band rehearsals or backstage in the auditorium, singing songs together at the top of their lungs whilst dancing around her room (though her parents complained about that), and cuddling on the couch whilst going over Y/N’s lines together. Nothing ever happened to cause an argument until Luke sat in a rehearsal for the musical when they were going over the Dead Girl Walking scene. Watching his very alive girlfriend kiss another very alive boy isn’t quite the confidence boost. He lasts until halfway through the song when the guy playing JD rips Y/N’s shirt open. That’s when he just had to get out of there. Y/N couldn’t tell anyone they were dating, and if she did, no one believed her she was dating the hologram boy from Julie’s band. Which also meant boys hitting on her when she was in her Veronica costume, mostly the boy who played Jason Dean. “Having a girl on top of you makes you realize things,” he had said. Y/N told him she wasn’t interested, but that didn’t stop the boy from trying. She had told Luke that. Her first mistake. Because ever since then, he has never missed a rehearsal. Y/N knew this scene was coming up, and she had tried to tell Luke he shouldn’t come, but of course he didn’t listen. And now he’s upset with her because she had told him about her minor crush on Christian Slater -- the original JD from the movie -- and about the JD song she loved so much. He knew how sexy she thought that song was, especially when the actor sings it as raw as Jamie Muscato or Ryan McCartan did in the West End and off-Broadway version. She’s not surprised to find Luke and the boys in the studio when she gets back, their instruments in hand, but no Julie to be seen. Only the very familiar riff of a Heathers song sounding through the amps. She halts in the doorway, crossing her arms as she watches the boys. None of them has seen her yet, which gives her the rawest and most honest version of this song. “You chucked me out like I was trash, For that you should be dead— But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash, What if high school went away instead Those assholes are the key! They're keeping you away from me! They made you blind, messed up your mind But I can set you free!” Reggie jumps around whilst playing the bass, letting himself go on the beat. Even Alex is so lost in his drumming, he doesn’t even notice the girl in the doorway. And Luke has his scowl set on the void, possibly imagining the boy’s face and wanting to punch him in the face. “You left me and I fell apart, I punched the wall and cried— Bam! Bam! Bam!” Y/N flinches at the sudden loudness of his voice. “Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside! And so I built a bomb Tonight our school is Vietnam! Let's guarantee they'll never see their senior prom!” His voice grows a little softer at the chorus, showing his more delicate side, the side Y/N has come to love so much. “I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! Don't give up on me now! Finish what we've begun! I was meant to be yours!” He sounds angry and frustrated during the next verse, a hint of menace laced in his voice. To his girlfriend, it sounds incredibly sexy. He suddenly seems twice as attractive. “So when the high school gym goes boom with everyone inside— Pchw! Pchw! Pchw! In the rubble of their tomb We'll plant this note explaining why they died!” She sees this as her chance to announce her presence. She quickly runs over to Julie’s microphone and starts singing along on the bridge where the ensemble would join in. Luke’s head snaps up at her, bewilderment and surprise in his eyes, along with some embarrassment. “We, the students of Westerburg High Will die. Our burnt bodies may finally get through To you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks No thanks. Signed the Students of Westerburg High 'Goodbye.'” Y/N gives him a nod of encouragement, telling him to continue. He does as he’s told with even more power behind his voice and even some amusement as a smile plays at his lips. She grabs the microphone from the stand and dances up to him. “We'll watch the smoke poor out the doors. Bring marshmallows, We'll make s'mores! We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!” Along with Reggie and Alex, Y/N takes care of the backing vocals whilst Luke lets himself go in the song. His voice becomes more and more raspy with the second, sending shivers down his girlfriend’s spine. “I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! I can't make this alone! Finish what we've begun! You were meant to be mine! I am all that you need! You carved open my heart! Can't just leave me to bleed!” He turns to her as she offers him her microphone for the next bit. The fact he’s looking into her eyes doesn’t help her subdue her feelings. At all. In fact, it just increases those butterflies and shivers and curling of the toes. “Veronica, open the—open the door, please' Veronica, open the door. Veronica, can we not fight anymore' Please, can we not fight anymore' Veronica, sure, you're scared, I've been there. I can set you free! Veronica, don't make me come in there! I'm gonna count to three! One! Two! Fuck it!” She can’t detain her feelings anymore and crashes her lips onto his again, exactly like that time they rehearsed Seventeen together and they had their first kiss. Reggie and Alex exchange glances, though this time it’s with an eyeroll. Luke pulls away when he has to sing the very last bit of the song, keeping his forehead pressed to hers. His voice is back to its vulnerable side as he stares into his girlfriend’s eyes with so much regret for ever feeling so jealous of any lifer guy she’d ever interacted with. “Please don't leave me alone You were all I could trust I can't do this alone” He steps back from her to hit the last high note whilst Alex goes off on the drums one last time. “Still I will if I must!” Y/N watches her boyfriend for a moment, a tender, proud smile on her face and admiration in her eyes. Luke’s confidence when he plays his music, or any music for that matter, is so hot and attractive to Y/N. Though she loves his more vulnerable and adorable side he mostly pulls up whenever he’s with her, that rockstar side of his really is a close second. “Are you guys really gonna make out every time you sing together or…?” Reggie asks, capturing the couple’s attention. Y/N takes Luke’s hand in hers, intertwining their fingers together whilst her other hand rests on his bicep. “You would too if your boyfriend was so hot,” she answers, and presses a kiss to his bare shoulder. Luke smiles down at her before returning a kiss on her hair. “Now, if you guys don’t have anymore rehearsing to do, I’d like to take Luke to go and rehearse another scene together…” she trails off. As she looks up at her boyfriend and his eyes meet her suggestive glance, he already knows what’s up. “No, we’re done here, I think,” he says quickly, “Right, guys? Yes, yes, we are!” He rushes his girlfriend out the garage and to the house next door to the Molina’s where he helps you ‘rehearse’ the Dead Girl Walking scene.

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92 @marinettepotterandplagg @thequirkybookaholic @bookdealer5 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hemmingsness @iainttakingshitfromnobody @ifilwtmfc @angryknightstatesmantrash @kiss-themoongoodbye @parkeret @lukeys-giggle @gingerxarmy @lovesanimals @lolychu @perfectlywrongformend3s @luckylouiebug @kiss-themoongoodbye @camiladelrio98 @myfriendscallmebeans

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suchalonelysunflower · 4 years

Text

You’re the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I’m singing (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings X Fem!Reader

Summary: Luke needs help writing a song, luckily you’re there to help him. You just hope your feelings for him won’t interfere in the writing process.

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Angst if you blink. The reader uses she/her pronouns. Language, invasion of privacy, unprotected sex (don’t do it guys) oral female reciving. Maybe some grammatical errors (English it’s not my first language, sorry)

Word count: 4.5k

Author’s Note: Hello ✨ I’ve been working with this Luke piece since August and I finally stop procrastinating in order to finish it 🎉 Reblogs, comments, feedbacks and likes are always welcome and encouraged! I love to hear from you guys ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻

My materialist // Wanna be on my tag list?

He did it.

After almost two weeks of not getting anything good out of his head Luke finally beat the writer’s block.

He jumped out of his seat in the island kitchen and ran towards his music room with a very excited Petunia walking behind him with her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Luke grabbed his notebook and started writing as soon as his ass hit the cushions of the little sofa he had there, getting already lost in the sound.

His eyes filled with joy as he wrote down the melody, muttering some words to go along with it and bobbing his head as the rhythm got better and better. He couldn’t feel prouder.

It wasn’t like him to have such a strong writer‘s block, whenever it happened his band mates were there to help him get through it. However, this time they weren’t here, they were still at the studio where he was supposed to be.

It was an unanimous decision, they all new Luke wasn’t at his best, always getting frustrated and closing himself up to others, refusing any help until he could come up with something on his own, so they recommended him to rest at home for a couple days before he totally burns out and, reluctantly, he agreed.

But all of that self pity ended now that he got a melody going on and a few lyrics written down. To say that he was in cloud nine was an understatement.

A few moments later his phone started ringing. He was doing so well that he didn’t think to answer it until he saw your name pop up.

“Leech!” He said with a smile once he picked up.

You scrunch your nose at the old nickname. You have known the man for at least 19 years and he still refuses to let go of the fact that you didn’t want to be his friend at the beginning because someone told you boys had leeches hidden in their pockets.

But, alas, you knew the nickname was not going anywhere so you decided to ignore it just this time “Hello, Hems!”

“I’m so glad you called! Just in time, actually” He said cheerfully.

“Well someone sounds happy for a change” You chuckled “What’s gotten you so amicable today, love?”

“I can’t tell you over the phone, you need to come in order to know what it is” Luke teased, not needing to see your face to know that you were rolling your eyes at him.

You chuckled again “Good thing I’m on my way then with some pizza. I’ll be there in approximately one Jonas Brothers’ song”

He laughed “You’re too good to me”

You sighed when he ended the call just a few seconds later “Only if you knew…”

You hated the cliche of falling for your best friend, but in your defense: your best friend was Luke Hemings, how could you not?

Once “Lovebug” ended you found yourself parking in his driveway. You shook your head at the irony of it all as you grabbed the pizza box and headed to the door. You were about to knock when suddenly he opened the door, flashing you one of his signature smiles that made your tummy feel weird.

“Were you waiting by the door?” You asked as you extended your arm to give him a side hug, which he gladly took and hugged you back, bringing you even closer to him. You just hoped he couldn’t feel the loud beatings of your heart.

“By the window, actually” Luke laughed as he took the pizza box from you and walked to the kitchen, placing it on top of the counter “I just can’t wait to show you what I got!”

You could see how excited he was, the gleam in his eyes was everlasting as he talked and his smile reached his eyes with ease, making little wrinkles appear by the sides of them. You smiled back at him and nodded, letting him lead the way.

He quickly took your hand, almost running as he guided you to his mini studio. You sat on his sofa, petting Petunia as he accommodated himself and his guitar.

“I figured it out!” Luke said with pride in his eyes “I conquered the block!”

“Luke that’s amazing!” You knew he was struggling a lot lately, that was one of the main reasons you checked up on him more often this past few weeks “Omg, I can’t wait to hear it!”

Luke nodded and wasted no time in starting playing his new song.

“I thought I had it all, thought I let you go. But truth be told, I’m just a fool in a one man show”

You listened carefully to what he was saying, loving the lyrics already before you started noticing something weird in the melody… there was something familiar in it, but you couldn’t pinpoint what.

“The secrets I held. The lies I told myself. All were worth it cause it meant I get to see your face”

Once the chorus started, you knew where you’ve heard this before.

Luke was staring at you the whole time since he started singing, wanting nothing more than his best friend’s approval, but was met with your concerned face as he continued.

“I never give you away, cause I’ve already made that mistake. If-“ He stopped completely when he saw the way you were looking at him “You hate it.”

“What?” You asked, taken by surprise by his hurt face.

“You can tell me if it’s bad, you know? I won’t get mad or anything but-“

You cut him off, shaking your head as you place your hand on his thigh “No, Luke. It’s not that at all”

“Then what, Y/N?” He said, putting his guitar away from him “Cause you don’t give me that look unless you’re feeling somewhat uncomfortable. I know the lyrics need arrangements and-“

“Luke!” You interrupted his rambling one again, knowing how he gets when he’s flustered “The lyrics are fine! Everything is fine! I really liked that last line you sang. But…”

“But?”

You sighed “Let me show you something”

You took your phone out of your bag and started searching through your songs until you found what you were looking for “Please, don’t be mad” You begged with a sigh as you pressed play on one of Taylor Swift’s songs.

Luke didn’t understand what you were talking about until he heard the first few chords of the song. His eyes winded as plates as he listened to the melody he swore he just invented out of the blue, a deep disappointment came across him at the realization he just repeated a melody that someone else already created.

You paused the song when you noticed his expression change all of the sudden. The gleam in his eyes completely disappeared as a dark gloom clouded his blue irises “Luke?” You asked, but the tall blonde was already getting up and started walking out of the studio “Luke!”

You followed him into the hall, where you could catch a glimpse of him tugging on his curls and cursing to himself. You called his name again with no avail, he wasn’t listening as he drowned in self pity and embarrassment.

“I should’ve known!” He said loudly this time “Fuck! It was too good to be true”

“It’s okay, Lu-“ You tried, but he quickly turned around and cut you off.

“It’s not okay, Y/N!” He yelled, making you take a step back. It wasn’t like him to get so angry to the point of yelling, but you can’t say that you don’t understand his frustration “When is plagiarism ever okay?! I’m such a fucking idiot”

“Hey, no, no, no, no, no” You interrupted, standing on your tiptoes to grab him by his shoulders and make him look at you “You won’t talk about my best friend like that”

Luke looked away, not wanting to meet your eyes at this moment. So you took matters into your own hands, literally, and placed your palms on his cheeks, softly squeezing them together and forcing him to look at you “The song is great” You said “Yes, the melodies are similar but you can work on that. You’re Luke Hemmings for crying out loud!”

He placed his hands over yours and pushed them away in a soft movement, not letting go of you as he did “Well, Luke Hemmings can’t write a song even if his life depended on it” He sighed, more calmed now “I don’t know what to do! I don’t even know if there is something I could do”

You thought for a second “Maybe not,” You said “But there might be something we could do”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows “Huh?”

“Yeah,” You nodded “I know I basically know nothing about melodies and composing a song. But I know a lot about poems and writings!” You said with a smile “I also know that you’ve been having a rough time lately and I just want to help in every way I can. I hate to see you like this, Luke. Let me help you?”

He stared at you and immediately knew that he couldn’t say no to your pleasing eyes. The fact that you wanted to help him took him by surprise, but he should’ve known, you have the biggest heart on earth and he knew he could count on you, always. Hell, you even moved to another continent to support him and his friends. You were always there for him, always taking care of him while also making fun of him and just being the best friend there is. And now you wanted to help him get over his writer's block? He could kiss you right now!

“Woah, slow down tiger” You laughed “We need to make a song first”

Did he say that out loud? Oh shit.

“I- just. Um-“ He rambled, trying to hide the pink that colored his cheeks “Thank you”

You just nodded and walked towards the kitchen, part of it because you were still hungry, but in reality it was to hide the way you couldn’t stop smiling.

“C’mon, Hems! Time to write a song”

You have seriously underestimated the whole writing and composing process of a song. How could Taylor Swift make it look so easy?!

It’s been almost a week and you have been staying with Luke 24/7 locked inside his little studio as you revise song idea after song idea, going back and towards without really going anywhere and only getting out to walk Petunia, eat and go to the bathroom. Once one of you gets too tired you decide to take a nap in Luke's bedroom like you always do since you were kids. None of this served as much help to calm down your feelings towards the tall Australian. In fact, you are almost sure they grew stronger than before.

You couldn’t help but get lost in him. Every subtle movement he makes; how he licks his lips and bites them every time he is concentrating on something; how his fingers move so smoothly on the guitar or the piano; how he hums to himself in that melodic voice that gives you chills everytime you listen to it… But there is also the way his eyes linger on you for more than a second; how he lays his head on your shoulder and starts playing with your hand; how he cuddles with you at night and always gives you one kiss on the cheek every morning and every night. He’s got you hooked and he doesn’t even know it.

“What do you think of this, little leech?” The oblivious man called, making you break away from your thoughts as he played some notes on the piano.

It was a sweet melody, melancholic but comforting.

“So we are settled that it’s going to be a balad?” You ask once he's done.

He pressed his lips together in a fine line “Not sure, feels like it’s missing something”

“Almost like a breakdown of other instruments, right?” You ask and he smiles.

“It’s almost like you can read my mind, love”

You smiled, hiding your blushed cheeks from his sight as your gaze drifted back to your little notebook of poems. And, almost without noticing, you start humming.

“Mmmh, Hope and I pray, darling that you will stay… butterfly lies..”

“Take them away” Luke finishes for you. He slowly gets up and sits right next to you, placing his head on your shoulders as you close your book “You’re really good with this,” He said, interlocking his fingers with yours “Why won’t you let me see more of your writings?”

He lifted his other hand to try to snatch the book out of your hands, but you were faster and put it out of his reach “Cause! It’s private” You laughed “Don’t want you to laugh at me or something”

“I could never laugh at you,” He said softly.

You turn your head to the side and almost choke on air as you notice his proximity, making you hyper aware of his breath on your lips and the way he was looking into your eyes, almost like if he wanted to say something but didn’t have the words to do it.

“Luke, I-“ You said in a whisper, his eyes fixed on your lips as he hummed “I- I think I’m a little bit hungry…” You lied, not knowing exactly what to do.

Luke just looked at you and nodded, not hiding his disappointment as he separated himself a little bit so you could both head out to the kitchen. Once there, he went to the stereo and connected his phone so you could have a more relaxing atmosphere.

You started making dinner, nothing too elaborate but complicated enough so you could focus on that rather than what just happened between you two. You knew you were just friends to him, so this new change in his demeanor was surprising and confusing to say the least.

Suddenly, your favorite song started playing. It was an old jazz song that reminded you of home and soon enough you found yourself humming along.

Luke stared at you as you prepared the meal, completely awestruck as he heard you sing softly along the lyrics. He smiled to himself and walked up to you, offering you his hand before asking: “Dance with me?”

You chuckled as you took his hand and let him guide you to the living room. He placed his hand on your lower back as he held your palm with the other one. You placed your free hand on his shoulder and let him guide you through the melody, already feeling the beating of your heart go ten times faster than it should.

You softly placed your head on his chest, relaxing as you felt the vibrations of his soft voice singing along as you slowly danced together.

“I like this” He murmured while his hand caressed your back and his chin rested on your head, placing a little kiss to it.

“Me too”

You got out of the shower and put on one of Luke’s shirts, ready to get on the bed and let all your thoughts rest for the day as you drift to sleep. You sighed as you looked in the mirror and tried to calm your feelings down, hoping that this time your heart will listen.

You headed to Luke’s room, wanting nothing more than to lay down and relax. But you never expected to see what you saw.

When Luke noticed that you had came into the room he quickly closed your notebook and placed it on your side of the bed, hoping that you didn’t realize what he was doing.

“Luke, what the fuck!?” You asked in an angry tone as you walked to the bed and grabbed your notebook in your hands “I told you this was private! How could you betray my trust like that?!”

Luke looked terrified, he never liked you angry, especially if you were angry at him. He tried to speak, but you quickly turned around and started grabbing all your things and put it in the bag you brought to stay over.

“Wha-What are you doing?” He asked confused.

“I’m going home” You said in a huff, turning around to put on your leggings and shoes.

“What?!” Luke jumped from his side of the bed and almost ran to you “Y/N, please. I’m sorry! I didn’t know it meant that much to you!” You ignored him “Please don’t go! It was a mistake, I’m sorry!”

You glared at him “I asked you not to do it! God, Luke! This is a total invasion of my privacy. Best friends don’t do that to each other!”

You tried to walk past him, but he quickly grabbed your arm and made you stop “Well best friends tell each other everything, don’t you think?!” Now he seemed angry as well.

“What haven’t I told you?!”

Luke rolled his eyes, letting go of your arm “Uh, I don’t know! Maybe the fact that you are in love with someone and you didn’t tell me?!”

You were taken aback by his words, furrowing your brows in confusion. He took your silence as a sign to continue.

“The poems, the writings you have there… They are beautiful and heartbreaking, Y/N” He explained, much more calmed “All those words are impossible to write unless you feel what you are writing. The message is right there, clear as water and you didn’t want me to read it. Why?”

His blue eyes seemed like a storm when he looked at you. You could tell he was hurting from all of this, couldn’t he tell who those writings are for?

“Why do you think? You blabbering idiot?” You asked softly, eyes meeting the floor, hoping he got the message.

Luke’s whole demeanor softened and he took in your words. His heart was beating fast as he took two steps to be completely in front of you.

He cupped your cheeks into his hands and made you look at him, telling you everything you need to know with just one look.

“Luke-“ He didn’t have you time to respond as he captured your lips with his, making you drop your stuff to the ground as you started kissing him back.

You placed your hands on the back of his head, softly caressing his curls as he deepened the kiss, parting your lips so he could explore your mouth as he wished for so many years now and making you let out a soft moan as he did so.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this” He said, kissing you once again “I thought I was being too obvious”

You chuckled “Well, not obvious enough, Hemmings” You pecked his lips one more time.

He smiled into the kiss as he let his hands wander down your back, softly squeezing your ass as he started walking you towards the bed, letting you fall delicately as he hovered over you.

You whimpered as you felt his lips trailing down your jaw and neck, sucking lightly and leaving marks wherever he went.

“Luke, what-?” You moaned, tangling your fingers around his curls and pulling him up to meet your gaze “What does this mean for us? What does this make us?”

Without wasting a breath he said confidently “I want to make you mine, love. If you let me, would you be mine? And I’ll be yours”

You looked at him in the eyes and you swore you’d never fallen harder than this.

You nodded “I was always yours, my love”

Luke smiled as he cupped your cheek with one of his hands, bringing your lips together in a kiss filled with love, passion and need. All that you guys ever wanted from each other.

You could feel his other hand wandering around under your/his shirt, softly caressing your breast and making you moan.

“Can I take this off, love?” He asked, playing with the hem of your shirt.

You nodded and wasted no time in getting rid of the fabric, throwing it somewhere around the room before his lips started marking his way down your neck again, this time with hunger as he trailed down from your throat to your breast, kissing one of them as his hand massaged the other, switching from time to time so none of them gets neglected for long.

Your soft moans and whimpers were music to his ears as he felt his erection growing harder with every little breath that came over your mouth. You could feel his erection through his pants, making you groan as you moved your hips to get some kind of friction where you needed it the most.

Luke noticed your little desperate movements and smirked as he let his hand travel down your stomach, ghosting over your sensitive bund over your clothes.

“Is this okay?” He asked when his fingers started pulling down the waistband of your leggings and panties.

“Yes,” You whimpered “Yes, Luke. Please”

You lifted your hips to help him take off your clothes completely, leaving you naked under him.

Luke sucked on a breath and moaned once he got a glimpse of your naked body “So perfect” He whispered, kissing your forehead “So beautiful” He kissed your lips, only to continue kissing down on your body till he reached your aching pussy “So wet for me, my love” He moaned before placing a kiss on your clit, making you thrust your hips at the sudden touch.

He grabbed your hips and pin them down as he started fucking into you with his tongue. Sucking and licking at all the right spots in a rhythm that made you see stars.

You grabbed onto his curls and brought him closer to you. Moaning his name over and over again “Luke,” You pant “I need more, Luke. Please”

Luke got the message as he added a finger to his ministrations, pumping in and out of your entrance “Is this good, Y/N?” But his question was answered by a sinful moan of yours “Talk to me, love” He said, adding another finger.

“Fuck! So good, Luke” You moaned, letting your head fall on the soft pillow “So. Fucking. Good”

He continued to pump his fingers into you at a fast pace while his mouth was locked on your clit, sucking and licking it with delight like it was his favorite meal. Groaning as he felt you clench around his digits when he hit one special spot inside you “Are you close, beautiful?”

You whimpered and nodded in return, not being able to form a coherent sentence at this moment of pure ecstasy.

“Cum for me, my love” He said, kissing the inside of your thigh and speeding his pace “Cum all over my fingers” And so you did.

Luke groaned as he felt your juices drip past his fingers and onto the mattress, swearing that he’s never seen such a prettier sight than your face right now.

You whined as he pulled his digits out of you, but the tight knot in your belly grew as you heard him pulling out his pants and sliding back between your legs.

His face was mere inches from yours once he settled back on the bed and on top of you. You smiled.

“Hi” You said, trying to catch your breath after your first orgasm.

“Hey” He smiled, kissing your forehead and pressing his against yours “Are you sure you want this?” He asked “Its okay if you don’t and we can stop whenever you-“

You shut him off with a kiss “I want this” You said in a whisper “I want you”

That was all the confirmation he needed. Slowly he started sliding into you, making you both moan because of the stretch.

“Are you okay?” He asked, stopping when he saw your face wincing in pain.

You nodded “So big, need a minute” You said. Luke understood and started pepper kissing your face, not leaving any space untouched until you gave him the go-to to keep going.

Luke groaned as he bottom down, giving you a minute to get used to his length. You were moaning his name as you felt him deep inside you, quickly replacing the pain with pleasure.

“Move. Please, Luke” You begged.

He started moving his hips at a slow pace, not wanting to hurt you if he went too hard too fast. It was only when you wrapped your legs around his waist and brought him closer to you that he got the message.

“Faster, fuck. Please, go faster!” You moaned into his ear. Every little sound you made going straight to his cock, quickening the pace as he started fucking you fast and rough.

Your moans became higher pitch as you got closer and closer to your climax. Your nails ran down his back, leaving red trails for you to trace later.

“Fuck, Y/N” Luke groaned “I’m so close, love”

His hips started thrusting relentlessly, chasing his climax as well as yours, making the bed hit the wall with every thrust of his hips.

“I’m gonna cum” You moaned with every move of his hip “I’m gonna cum, Luke. Oh god”

You let out a pornographic moan as you felt your walls clench around his cock, letting go all over him as you tried to catch your breath in all your euphoria.

Soon enough you felt Luke’s thrusts become sloppy and harder, twitching inside you as he painted your walls with his release as he moaned your name over and over again.

He grabbed your cheek and pulled your face closer to him so you could kiss as you ride down your highs, whispering sweet praises to each other as he pulled out of you and cuddled you close.

“That was…”

“I know”

You both laughed softly as Luke kissed your cheek and got up to bring a warm cloth to clean you up and also grabbing a shirt so you could sleep more comfortably. He laid down beside you and pulled you closer to him, kissing the shell of your ear until you both drifted to sleep.

You woke up a couple of hours later, feeling the other side of the bed cold as ice. You looked for Luke around the room but were unable to find him. The wheels in your head started turning as you looked around the room, that’s when you heard the soft sound of the piano playing in the background.

With a shake of your head you got up and started making your way to the grand piano he had in his living room and, sure enough, Luke was sitting there writing the song.

“Inspiration struck?” You asked, making him jump at the sound of your voice.

He visibly relaxed as he saw you walk up to him in nothing but his shirt “Needed to write it down” He said, kissing your lips as you sat next to him.

You looked at the music sheets he got scattered around “You almost finished? How?”

“Turns out I just needed my muse by my side. Admitting my love for her was the only thing I needed to finally get everything right again”

You blushed at his words and pulled him closer for another kiss “Will you sing it to me?” He nodded.

“Lover of mine..”

Tag: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof

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weasleyslag · 3 years

Text

me and your girlfriend (fred weasley x f! reader)

summary: You're tired of waiting around for Fred to get his act together while he parades other girls around you, so you try to move on. Fred is unreasonably upset by this and tries his darndest to scare your new boyfriend off.

wc: 3063

warning(s): 18+ (not smut, but several mentions of sex), jealously, lowkey toxic relationship (don’t worry, it mostly gets resolved in the end)

a/n: this is my first HP fic I’ve written since I was like 8 years old so I am so sorry if you stumble upon this. Also, I noticed that most of the writing perspective is third person using y/n but the last fandom I wrote for, almost everyone wrote in second person, so I’m in the habit now. I’ll try to change that in the future.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30625835

“George, Georgie!!!” You called as you ran into the Gryffindor boys’ bedroom.

“Yeah?” George responded, looking up from his trunk of clothes.

“You will never guess what happened earlier!”

“Moody’s coffee had a hair growth potion in it. That was me.” He told you smugly.

You rolled your eyes. “Not that. That wasn’t nearly your best prank. You’ve been slacking, Weasley.” You slapped your friend on the back.

“Fred’s been distracted. He’s been with a new girl named… hmm what was it… Natalie? Natalia? It’s hard to keep track.” George explained, not trying too hard to disguise his dismay in his brother for slacking when it came to pranks.

“I can’t believe there’s another one. He just met someone else last week. And now there’s her too…” Your words trailed off. You really didn’t want to sound jealous but it was hard not to. George knew your feelings for Fred, Fred knew, Hell, Natalie (or Natalia) probably knew. It wasn’t really a secret.

George, wanting to relieve your discomfort, tried changing the subject. “So what was it that I can’t believe?”

“Lloyd Baker asked me out! He picked me flowers and everything.”

George let out a whistle. “Heard he’s a catch within the Ravenclaw house. He suits you. Kind and smart and-“

“And not Fred.” You finished your friend’s sentence for him.

“That’s not what I was going to say but yeah. I know you care about him but he’s being an ass to you. I think it’s good for you to explore your options. Don’t tell him I said that, though. Don’t fancy getting my ass beat.” George patted you on the shoulder.

You nodded. “I just hope I can get over Fred so this relationship can be healthy. Lloyd is great but I’m not even sure if I like him. I don’t really have eyes for anyone but Fred. You know that.”

“Fake it until you make it.” George shrugged.

George may not have had a problem with you being semi-fake in your new relationship but you sure did. Lloyd was a nice guy and you didn’t want to hurt him in an attempt to get over Fred. But you’d already agreed to go out so you supposed you’d take it as you went.

The next week went by like a fairytale. Lloyd walked you to every class, brought you sweets when you were craving them, and listened attentively to every word you said. You were starting to think that this was actually going to work out.

Spending all this time with your new boyfriend meant that you weren’t seeing your friends very often. You weren’t planning on that becoming commonplace, but you thought it wasn’t that weird to spend most of your time with your boyfriend considering this was all so new. You still saw your friends at least a couple of times a day, talking to Lee, Angelina, or George in passing. You saw very little of Fred, which was a little odd. The two times you saw him over the course of the week, however, he winked when he caught your eye before quickly scurrying off. You were convinced that Fred was trying to make this as hard on you as possible.

It was the weekend and you had decided it was time for your friends to officially meet your boyfriend. You weren’t really worried about what Lee, Angelina, Alicia, or George would think. The tall, kind faced boy was a perfect match for you, at least on paper. You were a little scared to think what Fred might do, though. Although to your understanding, he was bringing Nadine (you had been wrong about her name this whole time) to this Hogsmeade's meetup so he didn’t have any right to step out of line when he met Lloyd.

You squeezed Lloyd’s hand before walking into The Three Broomsticks.

“You okay?” You asked him.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He looked at you quizzically.

Oh, ok. He wasn’t nervous at all. So you were the only one that’s heartbeat was out of control. You weren’t the one that should be nervous, but for some reason you still were. Well, you knew the reason. Your stupid bastard best friend Fred Weasley.

You two stepped through the doors of the establishment. “I need to go to the bathroom real quick before we get started. You’ll be alright, yeah?” You looked up at your boyfriend, searching for any sign of unease.

“Yeah. I’ll just look around and when you come back you can introduce me to your friends.” He flashed you a dazzling smile and you skipped off to the bathroom. Little did you know, that was a huge mistake.

Fred had not taken his eyes off of you since you had walked in. Everyone else at the table felt uncomfortable, knowing from Fred’s scowl that he was about to make a scene. Nadine tried desperately to try to get her date’s attention, but he just waved her off.

“In a minute, love.” He faltered at the term of endearment. It felt forced.

He didn’t even know why he had invited Nadine to The Three Broomsticks. He had been seeing red ever since George had first informed him that you were seeing Lloyd. The Gryffindor boys would have been deaf to not hear the shouting match that occurred in the boys’ bedroom the night that he had been told. Fred was mad that George encouraged you to date Lloyd and George was mad that Fred had been such a dick to you lately, parading girls around like you two didn’t have a “thing”. He guessed that he had invited Nadine along today in an attempt to one up you and make you jealous but he knew that wouldn’t work anymore. You were beyond that point. He would just have to have a word with Lloyd to let him know exactly where Fred stood.

Fred walked over to Lloyd. When Lloyd noticed him, he gave him a warm smile, the likes of which Fred did not reciprocate.

“Fred Weasley. Can’t believe we’ve never met. I mean you must be real important to my bug, but I can’t say I’ve ever even heard her talk about you.” Fred told the boy coldly.

Lloyd shifted back and forth uncomfortably “Your what?”

“My bug. A term of endearment. You wouldn’t understand.”

“It’s cool that you and her are so close, I guess.” Lloyd didn’t know what else to say.

Fred chuckled at Lloyd’s visible uncomfortableness, not saying anything else for a moment before getting a wickedly awful yet brilliant (in his mind) idea. An idea to make sure Lloyd got the message that you were meant to be Fred’s, not some heartthrob Ravenclaw prat’s.

“Say Lloyd, did you know that my dad works for the Ministry? He works in proximity to Muggle culture. So I know all about Muggles.”

“Okay…” Lloyd responded, unsure of where Fred was going with this.

“Wanna know my favorite Muggle song at the moment?”

Lloyd nodded, desperate to ease the tension.

“It’s called Slumber Party by some girl named Ashnikko. My favorite lyrics are,” Fred accentuated what he said next, not keeping a melodious tune but rather just speaking as if he was informing Lloyd of something, “Me and your girlfriend playin' dress up at my house. I gave your girlfriend cunnilingus on my couch.” He gave a sickly smile when he finished what he was saying.

It didn’t take a genius to understand what Fred was getting at. Lloyd immediately understood. Why the Hell would you start dating him when you were so clearly involved with Fred?!? Lloyd didn’t know quite what to say.

“I- what?”

“Thought Ravenclaw’s were supposed to be smart,” Fred snorted. “One word from me and she’ll be leaving you in the dust. Trust me, mate.” Fred’s eyes grew huge as he heard you exiting the restroom and he ran over to where he had been sitting before and put his arm around Nadine like nothing had happened. Everyone at the table had heard the discussion and looked at Fred in shock, besides George who glared at him with disgust.

“Okay I’m back!” You grabbed Lloyd’s arm and were surprised when he pulled away from you a bit.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him.

“Nothing.” Lloyd lied straight through his teeth.

“Okay…” You replied, uneasy. Nevertheless, you guided him over to the table where your friends were seated.

“Lloyd these are my friends. Angelina, my best girl friend. The Gryffindor team captain and the best Chaser I’ve ever met.” Angelina beamed at the words. “Lee, he’s annoying but he’s hopelessly in love with me so he gets to stay.” Lee choked on his drink before flicking you off. “Alicia, best giver of advice in the universe.” Alicia gave a small smile and a wave at Lloyd. “This is Nadine, I don’t know her very well but she’s a very sweet girl.” Nadine nodded and thanked you for your kind words. “And my best friends since first year, Fred and George.”

“The very best!” Fred beamed and you smiled at him. You were glad he was taking this so well. Maybe it was for the best that you both moved on, not that you were too sure if he had ever properly fancied you in the first place.

“I wish you could meet Oliver but he’s long gone now. We’re still super tight, though.”

“Yep, she’s super tight… with Oliver” Fred stared directly at Lloyd, who was looking at him, mortified.

The crude joke, however, went straight over your head and you just smiled at Fred. You couldn’t help the butterflies you felt in your stomach when you looked at him but you still tried to push them aside. You were blissfully unaware of the air of discomfort around the table. Fred and you practically ignored the others for two hours while you talked about anything and everything under the sun.

“I think it’s time for us to go.” Lloyd suddenly announced, pulling you two out of a Quidditch discussion.

“Aww really? Already?” You pouted at Lloyd but he just looked at you stonefaced. You had no idea what you were thinking but it couldn’t be good.

“Don’t worry, we can continue this discussion tonight, bug!” Fred told you, winking. You winked back at him playfully, not even noticing that Lloyd had let go of your hand entirely and Nadine had removed Fred’s arm from her shoulders.

“Ok, see you in the common room then!”

“The common room. Sure.” Fred said sarcastically. You found yourself confused, not understanding what he meant. But the words had hit exactly who they were meant for.

Lloyd practically dragged you outside and began walking swiftly back towards Hogwarts. You kept asking him what was wrong but he wouldn’t answer you. He speed walked all the way back to the castle, with you trying your best to keep up with him. Once you reached the gardens, he finally let everything he had been feeling go.

“Why are you going out with me when you’re so obviously with Fred?” he huffed.

“I’m not. Fred’s with Nadine.” You told him, very puzzled. But deep down, you still felt caught. Maybe he had caught on that you had feelings for Fred, even though those feelings were unreciprocated, or at least if there were feelings on Fred’s part, he wasn’t taking it very seriously.

“Yeah, right. That’s not what Fred said.”

“What are you talking about? Fred didn’t say anything to you.”

“Yes he did. While you were in the bathroom. He basically said that you two had a wild sex life and if he asked you to, you’d immediately drop me. And and-“ Lloyd ran out of things to say but he continued huffing and puffing.

“I have never slept with Fred.” You scoffed, ignoring the last part of Lloyd’s sentiment because you knew it was true.

“So he’s never eaten you out? Because he said that. Or at least strongly indicated it. And his comment about you being tight...” Lloyd’s eyes pleaded for you to tell the truth.

“No! I’ve never done that with anyone, promise. I haven’t done anything with him besides kiss him.” You were telling the truth, but Lloyd seemed dismayed that you had even kissed the boy before.

“Why’d you kiss him? Doesn’t seem like something that people who are just friends do.”

“I don’t know. I was just bummed out that I had never kissed anyone before. It wasn’t a big deal. And that was forever ago.”

Lloyd seemed slightly put at ease by that sentiment.

“So you haven’t kissed him in a really long time, then? And he’s just being an ass for no reason?”

“Being an ass for no reason? Yes. And I’ll talk to him about it. He’s totally crossed a line. I can’t just not be friends with him but he can’t say shit like that. But uh, the years ago thing, that was just the first time we kissed. Uhhh it’s been more than once.” You faltered, looking down at your shoes.

“So when was the last time?” Lloyd demanded.

“When did you ask me out?”

“Last Friday.”

“Errr that Thursday night then. But I haven’t done it since. I would never cheat.” You said honestly.

“Seriously? Look, you’re a nice girl and all but you clearly have an unresolved relationship with your friend and it’s just not healthy for me or you,” And so it went. You knew by his words that he was breaking up with you. You knew he was right but you were still royally pissed at Fred for ruining everything. “I could tell you’re in love with him just by the way you spoke to him today. And he-well he certainly feels something for you.”

“A possessive bugger, he is.” You agreed, trying to remain as lighthearted as you could while you fought back tears. You should just face it, you were never going to get over Fred Weasley.

“I’m sorry. I really am. But this is all too much of a mess for me. I’m sure you understand. I umm,,, I wish the best for you.” Lloyd said awkwardly before disappearing into the castle. And just like that, your first proper (albeit short) relationship had ended.

You ran to the Gryffindor girls’ bedroom to find Angelina, tears streaming down your face (the tears not so much because of being broke up with but because of the fact that apparently Fred thought it was appropriate to dictate your dating life while he could screw the whole school). Of course, Angelina wasn’t there. She was probably still at Hogsmeade. You needed to talk to somebody. You could probably confide in Hermione if you really needed to but she was in a fight with Ron and you didn’t want to add any more bad energy to her life at the moment. And Ginny, well you were afraid she might slaughter Fred.

Hoping that George had happened to walk back before the others, you called into the Gryffindor boys’ room.

“George? Are you in there?” You sniffled.

“Come in, love.” Your heart sank. It was Fred, not George.

“I don’t want to speak to you right now.” You told him coldly, walking into the room anyway.

“So you heard about my little stunt then?” He chuckled before looking over at your tear stained face. “No, bug, come here.” He grabbed you into a hug and you immediately started crying harder and pushing against him. He was stronger than you and wasn’t letting you go, however.

“I hate you, I really do. I know you’re going to say I don’t mean that but I do.” You cried, hiccupping at the end.

“But you don’t mean it. I’m sorry.” He kissed your forehead.

“Don’t do that, damn it!” You rubbed your hand over your forehead in an attempt to undo the action. “Why did you say all that to Lloyd today?”

“I was jealous.” He admitted.

“And you don’t think I’m jealous of Nadine?” You asked angrily. What was with Fred and his double standards?

“Don’t worry about that. I broke it off with her. She wasn’t too happy with me, anyway. I shouldn’t have even brought her today. I was just trying to one up you. But it just hurt everyone involved.”

“You breaking up with her doesn’t make everything better. It definitely doesn’t mean we’re going to go back to the way we were before.” You tried to break away from him again and this time you were successful.

“I don’t want things to be the way they were before.” Fred said quietly. You weren’t even sure you heard him right.

“What?” You asked, feeling a jab at your heart. You had just said that it wasn’t going to be like that anymore but hearing that he didn’t even want you anymore hurt profusely.

“I want it to be more than that. I know it’s gonna take a while to get there. I’ve really shown my ass.” He hung his head low.

“And not in a good way.” You giggled.

“See, that’s my girl!” He smiled.

“Don’t think that gets you out of hot water, Weasley.”

“‘Course not. I’ve been a proper idiot. But I’ll make it up to you over time.” Maybe against your better judgment, you let him kiss you. “I was scared for some reason.” He continued.

“Scared?”

“Yeah. Felt suffocated. I don’t want to end up just like my parents. Meeting someone so young and never experiencing anything else and getting a boring old job and doing that for the rest of my life. But I was focused on the wrong stuff. I can make my life different in so many different ways than going through a fuckboy phase. I really care about you, you know? And I want to be with you.”

“We’ll figure this out. Besides, I hate seeing you be so heavy with stuff. Where’s the silly boy I love?”

“You love?” Fred cocked an eyebrow and smiled wide.

“Oh come on, it’s just a phrase.”

“I think you’re psychologically trying to tell yourself that you love me.” He squeezed you and kissed your cheek. “Can’t wait to be with you good and proper.”

“One rule: don’t tell everyone about our sex life. We don’t even have one yet and you’re already telling people about it.”

“Noted.”

#fred weasley #fred weasly x reader #george weasley #angelina johnson #lee jordan #hp #harry potter #harry potter fic

82 notes · View notes

kaminohana · 3 years

Text

the meme man full analysis

Yeehaw here we go. Analysis of Mikoto Kayano’s video and song, along with some theories about the many themes and symbols in the video. Note: If there’s any other supplemental material for him out there, I haven’t read it. This is just an analysis with the music video we were given. If I happen to miss stuff that was mentioned before, I may talk about it in another post lmao

I was SUPER invested in this video as I watched it and soon realized “Oh shit, I think Mikoto’s plural”. Cuz, you know, I’m plural too (not disclosing what kind) and it felt SO good to see some actual parallels to stuff I go through- though of course not to Mikoto’s degree.

That said, I feel I should make a disclaimer in passing: yes, portraying your only plural character as homicidal ain’t the best representation. But, you know, we’ve seen other cases like that in Milgram so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Personally, I’m not that offended because the execution is SO top-notch. Though, hey, I totally understand how this can be very frustrating to other systems to see plurality depicted in such an unhealthy light- if it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

Keep in mind the point of the Milgram series is to make you uncomfortable in so quickly incriminating someone; if you’re hesitating to determine someone as guilty, hey, that’s probably intended and good! It’s about personal decision, so I’m not going to judge you one way or the other in voting. I just find it fascinating how these videos can put us in such conflict. This is all just my own perspective, BTW, so if you disagree with some of these points, good! I’m just hoping to share my thoughts since I can make a lot of connections. I’m by no means an expert in plurality or tarot, I just have some background in both and decided to try my hand at this analysis, so I really don’t the final say on what’s going on in the video.

Now, onto the actual video analysis.

I’m sticking with the basic idea that Mikoto is split into two parts; his more loveable, gentler side, which I referred to in another post as Softboy Mikoto, and the more violent side which may be acting as a catharsis to his frustrations. I referred to this side previously as the Devil alter, as he is depicted with the Devil major arcana tarot card. I can see how this could be taken badly, so for now I’m just going to refer to him as the shadow alter. There are many themes of duality in the video, most commonly with the symbol of the half moon which appears so many times. Shadow of the moon etc etc. I’ll be bringing this up several times as I analyze the lyrics. I’ll be breaking down the lyrics as evidence to support the idea that Mikoto is plural, and to show how softboy Mikoto (and shadow alter Mikoto) view this particular relationship and how this culminates in murder. Sometimes I refer to Mikoto (as a whole), softboy Mikoto, or shadow alter Mikoto depending on what I’m trying to describe in the below.

First piece: the title. MeMe. Me x2. A dead giveaway, like Umbilical. Also, it can be a meme, which is interesting taking the definition of the word meme in this context: “an element of a culture or system of behavior passed from one individual to another by imitation or other nongenetic means” (Oxford Dictionaries). HMMMM. I know memes are generally within the context of a community, but I think it’s interesting to actually apply this to Mikoto. What exactly is being passed on? Could we argue that Mikoto’s frustrations from one of his parts is being passed on to the other? Interesting to think about, though it may not be relevant.

Going into the lyrics:

So from here I’m guessing there was a point in Mikoto’s life where his plurality was not an issue; or, potentially, there was a time before his split. These were the good times.

Playing dead vs. being alive – representing duality. May refer to how, when one side has their way, the other is locked away in the headspace with no control, thus feeling like being dead. In the context of “if only”, perhaps he’s wishing that he just didn’t do anything if only to prevent things from getting this far.

“If” I could end- I believe Mikoto (particularly softboy Mikoto) is saying “Hey, I have no control over my other side. If I did, would things still be the same? Would I still be ‘letting’ this happen?”

“Keep it” and “hide it away” I feel like are both representative of his shadow alter and of the desires that alter represents. Many words related to destruction are tied to this alter, so it could be seen as Mikoto trying to hide those urges as well.

“’I’ will save ‘me’”- this is a very interesting line that I think very well encapsulates the shadow alter’s initial motives; he’s saying “hey, I’m going to take care of us,” I believe to try and convince softboy Mikoto to let him out. As far as if softboy Mikoto can actually “let” him out is TOTALLY up for debate.

Part of the reason I refer to the other alter as softboy Mikoto is because there are softer words I notice used by him in the song; here’s I’m seeing “snuggle”, so I think this side of him is more vulnerable and soft.

SWITCH, shake up that brain- wow couldn’t be any more obvious here

This is where the chorus starts. This I think is from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, PARTICULARLY when he’s trapped in the headspace. There are many forms of plurality IRL in which alters cannot simultaneously front, so one or more are “pushed” back into the headspace. This very act occurs several times throughout the song in the weird minimalist vaporwave shadow realm room, where the tarot cards are. During this time, we can assume that is when the shadow alter is fronting. Softboy Mikoto slowly starts to become more helpless and fearful in this space as the song goes on, and this is where he makes his celtic cross tarot spread that quite frankly defines the whole song. I discussed that in my other post.

Another facet of plurality that is applied here is amnesia, which is common, especially when alters are pushed back to the headspace. Within the headspace, there may be a lack of awareness to the outside world, which Mikoto seems to express in his confused sentiments like the above (in the video, he is also scratching his head, which as a gesture can represent being confused). “Why am I here?” can act as a double entendre, both referring to “Why have I suddenly been pushed to this headspace?” as well as the whole point of Milgram- “Why am I in prison?”. He may not be aware of exactly what he did, hence why he feels it’s a mistake. He may be experiencing amnesia of what his shadow alter is doing, so he doesn’t even know what crime he committed. However, he at least has enough awareness to tell someone else is present in his body doing things, so he begs the viewer “Hey, just watch whatever my body is doing and it’ll all eventually make sense. I don’t have access to this information, but you do.” I thought this was an interesting fourth wall break.

The truth revealing itself could also be the truth coming to light from the particular tarot reading he does in the headspace; note that the cards only seem to be appear in this place and not in the outside world. So softboy Mikoto is trying to figure out what’s going on this way. If he can’t figure it out himself, maybe the cards can give him some direction.

Another duality- “I won’t forgive you if you reveal the truth” vs. “However I know I’m right when I say I’m innocent”. Or he could be right about something else.

I’m wondering if the breaking here is just reflecting the shadow alter or is softboy Mikoto actually wishing he could end the shadow alter. He at least wants things to change; the way things are right now is not something he’s okay with. Though, it sounds like he isn’t getting help with this and has no idea if he can even arrest full control again. It seems at this point, this has been going on for a while so he’s stopped trying.

In the video, the shadow alter is doing a GREAT job hiding the evidence; while of course probably just trying to not get caught, the shadow alter may also be trying to hide his crime from softboy Mikoto so he’s none the wiser.

He’s hoping he can be rid of the shadow alter side, but I think he also is dumping all his difficult feelings onto the shadow alter. Maybe he feels its some sort of release, even if he can’t control it, so he feels a lot of guilt over the shadow alter’s existence, even though that alter is serving a purpose as a conduit for those emotions.

I really really think though that there IS some connection between softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto. Maybe they are both truly aware of each other, hence the scene where they are viewing each other through the mirror. I think here, softboy Mikoto might be admitting that it feels good to let the shadow alter out, like a hug. The “minus energy” probably refers to the shadow alter.

“Maybe it’s okay that we’re separated like this?” he wonders. There seems to be a sense of feeling alive at least that is conveyed through the shadow alter.

SPLIT IN HALF- yeah, again, pretty encompassing.

In the video, I think this is when we have a switch, as Mikoto’s expression changes in the outside world mirror.

The chorus again, softboy Mikoto is shoved into the vaporwave shadow realm headspace. He’s asking the audience to investigate him here, but I also like to joke that he’s like “uwu look at me I could never harm anybody, pwease let me out”, which may be true only so far as softboy Mikoto is out.

I wonder if in “I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me” is directed at the shadow alter instead of the audience? Like softboy Mikoto is saying “I swear to god if you murdered someone im gonna be so pissed, but I also already kinda know it’s happening.” Just another take.

In the video, softboy Mikoto is THROWN into the headspace, where he is gifted with just one hint of what’s going on: The Devil tarot card.

You DARE accuse Miette of murder? Oh! 1000 years jail for Milgram viewer!

Now the vaporwave space starts to turn into a bloody mess; perhaps now softboy Mikoto is starting to put two and two together.

“Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it”- I definitely understand this being plural, like if your alters are causing problems, you may try and chastise them, or you may try and lock them away deep inside, but that often doesn’t stop them from existing. It’s really cool how that idea is present here. Like YES that’s how it is quite often. So even if softboy Mikoto TRIES to smother or accuse his shadow alter, that’s not going to change anything.

It being the same anywhere he goes makes me think he’s been putting up with this for a long time, that it’s not about what environment he’s in because his shadow alter is with him everywhere he goes.

“It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong”- may be referring to multiple things:

-the shadow alter having a different morality (hence why murder is okay for him, his indulgence in smokes and…redbull/alcohol, etc)

-OR, how softboy Mikoto’s amnesia isn’t letting him understand the full picture so everything is okay when he’s out fronting (shadow alter cleaned the place up and stuff, perhaps hiding all evidence of murder)

-“I’m already the fake one”- a very common sentiment for plural folks, worrying if you as an alter aren’t “the original” or if you’re not actually split and it’s something you’re making up, etc. I think softboy Mikoto is having these feelings. Poor boy, wish we could get you some therapy instead :/ (all of Milgram would be very different if only most of these people could get therapy, let’s be honest)

Now, what’s special here is that BOTH alters are in the headpace, with shadow alter Mikoto looming ominously behind softboy Mikoto.

During this next instrumental, just a side note: we see what’s going on through security footage. The security cameras reflecting a third person perspective is kind of neat in context of pluralism, where someone else fronting can feel like a third person awareness to another alter. I may be thinking too much into this one, but it’s a fun connection.

Another thing many plural folk go through: DISSOCIATION FROM REALITY. Ah yes, my good friend dissociation. Especially like in Mikoto’s case, where the consequences of being split have drastic consequences, he could be running away from the truth which may always be partially concealed to him. Something’s VERY wrong, he knows this for sure, and it may be at this point he really realizes “Oh shit. I just committed murder.” But instead of taking responsibility in any way, he’s trying to imagine that it’s a fabricated reality. I’m not going to say if this makes him bad or not, but it is a known coping mechanism.

I know I mention that the bad habits of smoking and drinking may be the shadow alters habits, but they could also be softboy Mikoto’s own methods of escapism, which definitely fits with the above lyrics. “I need to wake up soon”- but he still realizes that he’s going to have to face the harsh truth of reality soon.

Now this point indicates a marked change in softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto’s relationship: I believe there may be a time when softboy Mikoto expects to come back out to the front, but now the shadow alter is starting to take over fully and keep softboy Mikoto locked inside. This is supported by the Outcome card in his celtic cross spread being The Devil. Not only does this card have its own meanings, but here it may mean that the more violent side of him takes over.

Again, don’t know if he’s talking to the audience or his shadow alter in never forgiving this outcome. I believe softboy Mikoto does have a clearer morality in that murder is NOT okay, and if he were to fully acknowledge that he as a whole was capable of that, I think he’d break down. So he’s like “it better NOT be true” because he doesn’t know how he’d be able to deal with that.

Interesting in the video is when Mikoto snaps and the headspace turns red again; I would think this is when the shadow alter is entering the scene and taking over. The snap here is symbolic of the switch.

Now presumably softboy Mikoto is like “PWEASE WET ME OUT MISTEW OBAMA”, which, again with the double meaning, can refer to letting him out of the vaporwave shadow realm headspace OR letting him out of prison. Both apply.

“That it’s a lie

That I’m right”- a nice duality here. Mikoto is having difficulty separating the truth from reality.

Also NOW he is forgiving. Forgiveness vs not forgiveness (grudge)

I think it’s gotten so bad that he’s like “okay fine. Fine if I committed murder, fine if you’re accusing me of murder, but please help me understand what’s going on. Let me out”. Maybe he’ll forgive the shadow alter if only he fesses up to the murder.

Of note for the scene however is that shadow alter Mikoto is holding up The Fool card, which represents softboy Mikoto in this case. “I’m right” may be the shadow alter’s sentiment.

-THE CARDS AT THE END-

Then, all the cards show up in more detail, all depicting weapons instead of the standard minor arcana that you might see in your standard Rider Waite tarot deck (which these are based off of). The Wands are baseball bats, the Swords are kitchen knives, the Cups are…poison cans? Acid? The Pentacles are….records but I can see these being rotary saws if you squint. The Wheel of Fortune has car wheels with a snake….GTA time baby (the snake being hidden danger, the devil’s temptation, etc). The chariot is a really weird motorcycle death machine. I was thinking how like, people would drag people along behind them while driving a vehicle as a method of torture so there is that.

Now we see some cards not in the original spread- I think this represents shadow alter Mikoto inserting himself into the headspace and changing things to fit his goals. We see a couple placed in the original spread, but some don’t and are just free-floating, but you’ll see below we have enough context to decipher their meaning.

First, it’s the Page of Pentacles, which has taken over the position of the 7 of swords as the current challenge affecting the issue. This card indicates “Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development”. I think this means the shadow alter is finally learning to take full control.

Then we see the reverse 2 of swords, which represents “Indecision, confusion, information overload, stalemate”. This could probably represent softboy Mikoto not suddenly understanding why the shadow alter is ALSO in the headspace. Maybe his dual presence in the outside world AND the headspace is indicative of exactly when he learned to take full control. This was NOT in Mikoto’s original spread.

Wheel of Fortune again, which was in the original spread. “Bad luck, negative external forces, out of control”. Yup, that confirms it.

Next, the Five of Swords from the original spread comes up. “Conflict, tension, loss.png, defeat, win at all costs, betrayal”. Softboy Mikoto is now being completely taken over. There is a facedown card on the chair. This might be the one that reads as Death later, so it may be that softboy Mikoto is…KILLED OFF?

Cup of Ace, “Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion”. I think this one is also meant to represent softboy Mikoto, but it could be that the shadow alter sees it as an act of mercy to take full control for softboy Mikoto. Maybe he feels his alter can’t handle reality and he’s going to take over full time. Or more likely he just has ulterior motives.

Reverse King of Cups. “emotional manipulation, moodiness, volatility”. Softboy Mikoto was lead along, thinking it was okay to leave things to the shadow alter or to exist alongside him. Now we see that isn’t a viable solution.

Reverse Five of Wands. “conflict avoidance, diversity, agreeing to disagree”. I went over this more in the other post.

Chariot is the last one, WHICH ALSO WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL SPREAD. “Control, willpower, success, action, determination”. The shadow alter Mikoto has taken full control. Which is very quickly followed by…

Shadow alter Mikoto drawing Death. Also not in the original spread. Perhaps effectively “killing off” softboy Mikoto and betraying him.

Concluding Thoughts.

Now, I understand I do take most of these lyrics from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, but I’m sure there’s a layer of deception added on by his shadow alter. The Challenge card of the 7 of swords did represent betrayal. So softboy Mikoto’s only context into what’s going on outside may be his headspace tarot reading. If you want to question some of the lyrics, or even think one of the alters is lying, that would add SO much to the complexity of the situation, and I wouldn’t put it past the Milgram team to add something like that.

Common Themes/Symbols:

The mirror, both in the headspace and in the outside world bathroom

The Hanged Man- in a painting in the headspace and on Mikoto’s shirt. Indicative of being wrongly accused or martyred. Softboy Mikoto is likely represented with this, as well as The Fool. The Fool painting probably is there to show that he doesn’t know any better, that he is without the knowledge of what his shadow alter is doing (or doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong)

The Half Moon- a light side and a dark side. Pretty self-explanatory. Symbolically, it can also represent life and death. NICE.

Sorry if the conclusions end up being kind of vague. That’s the way a lot of this video is; what’s really going on, as it usually is, is up to viewer interpretation at this stage. I was just hoping to provide a bit of context into the images in the video, plural life, and narrator interpretation. I just really love this video and after this full analysis hope others can at least appreciate the work that went into it.

#milgram #MeMe (milgram)#mikoto kayano #kayano mikoto

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cellsshapedlikestars · 3 years

Text

jonsa prompt fic/modern au

(look at me, making my way through the rest of my prompts from *checks watch* five months ago)

This one was from the lovely @chispas-and-broken-bindings and the prompt was: “I'm sorry 'bout the other night and I know I could be more creative and come up with poetic lines but..”

1) had to google these lyrics, and I have to say, I had never heard of this song, so thank you for also bringing it to my attention

2) I have no concept of what a drabble is, apparently. I meant to keep all of these at under 1k words but nooooope

Jon grunts as he reaches deep into the fridge – he can see the label of one of those craft beers Theon had (with shockingly good taste) brought in the back and he'd really like that instead of the cheaper swill crowding the front.

Sansa's birthdays are always massive and he honestly forgot the way she goes all out for them. After high school, he just never really made it back for her big, late-September parties and then after college, he'd taken a job down in Dorne. It's his first year back and he sort of forgot how overwhelming it all is - how many friends she has, how her entire extended family shows up.

It doesn't help that he barely knows any of her friends anymore. He recognizes a few from her high school years, but other than that he knows no one. Thank the gods the Starks and Theon are here, because otherwise, Jon's lost in a sea of strangers.

“Jon Snow!” he hears a voice behind him, light and airy and filled with what almost sounds like glee. His fingers finally manage to grasp the neck of the bottle he was aiming for and he pulls back and stands up and turns around to see – fuck, what's her name? Margaery, that's right. Sansa's best friend from high school.

“Hey,” he says, giving her what he's sure is the smile that Robb always calls ‘weird’ and ‘awkward‘ (how you've ever gotten any woman to sleep with you is a miracle, he remembers Robb telling him once).

“It's so nice that you could come,” Margaery says, voice oozing with... something he can't quite place.

“Uh, yeah?” he agrees, because he guesses it is nice? He starts to move around her – they're the only two in the basement right now, everyone else is outside at the party, he'd only come in to grab a drink.

“I mean, I guess we're all adults now, high school is so a decade ago, am I right?” There's a sort of glint in her eye that Jon doesn't like and he really, really wants to get back outside, but there's also a part of him that wants to ask what the hell she means.

“It was a decade ago,” he agrees again, edging towards the door.

“It must have been so awkward for you, I guess that's why you've been avoiding her all these years,” Margaery sighs and tilts her head with a piercing stare, like she's trying to look into his soul or something.

“I... what?”

“Oh, it's ok,” she smiles, leaning forward and starting to whisper even though there's no one else around, “she told me everything.”

“Everything about what?” he asks, mind going suddenly blank because he cannot think of a single thing that Margaery could be talking about.

“Your crush, duh!”

For a moment there's silence in the basement, before, “my crush?”

“I mean, you were like... obsessed with her!”

Jon blinks, feeling both very confused and very stupid as he says, “what?”

“Oh come on! We were all there when you sent her those flowers. You clearly wanted everyone to know, you had them delivered in the middle of lunch! She even read the card aloud – what did it say? Oh my god, they were lyrics, that's right! I'm sorry 'bout the other night and I know I could be more creative and come up with poetic lines but..” she trails off with a giggle. “I'll be honest, I never pegged you as a Rihanna fan.”

Jon feels some sort of creeping horror filling him because he has - one, never sent anyone besides his mother flowers and two, doesn't think he knows even a single Rihanna song.

“Excuse me.”

He walks out of the basement with Margaery's tinkling laugh following him and when he's outside, he immediately spots Sansa, surrounded by a group of her friends by the pool, laughing with a glass of sangria in her hand and a flower crown on her head and a sash that reads Birthday Girl! across her body.

Arya calls to him, but he ignores her as he pushes through the crowd of Sansa's friends and family, making his way to her. She spots him right before he gets there, a smile forming and then fading when she takes in his face – and then panic seems to cross her features and she looks around, like she's going to try to run.

“Sansa,” he says before she can bolt, and her friends part to let him through. “Can we talk?”

She opens her mouth, but he takes her by the arm and starts dragging her away from her friends and behind them, he thinks he hears a few of them start to whisper and giggle and the annoyance that's been simmering in his chest flares.

“Jon, I'm so glad you could make it!” she says brightly, plastering a smile on her face that he can tell is completely fake. “It's been-”

“Why does Margaery think I had a crush on you in high school?”

He watches her open and close her mouth a few times, eyes darting around for an escape and he tightens his grip on her arm.

“I don't...” she starts, but her voice isn't very strong.

“Sansa,” he tries to keep his voice calm and even.

“Ok, fine,” she hisses, eyes snapping back to him and narrowing and there's the Sansa he knows. She may look sweet and innocent, but Jon has known her long enough to know she isn't the wilting flower she sometimes pretends to be. He watches her spine straighten and her head rise and she looks him in the eye. “I told some of my friends back then that you had a thing for me, so what? It was like, a decade ago. It's nothing to freak out over.”

“Well, Margaery is bringing it up to me at a party a decade later. Why does she think I sent you flowers?”

Her confidence falters then, pink staining her cheeks. “I needed to convince them you had a crush on me, so I... may have... sent myself flowers and made the card from you.”

He stares at her, dumbfounded, before asking, “why did I never hear about this before?”

Sansa shrugs and says, “you were away at college at the time. And then you went south and this is the first time you've been around my high school friends since then?”

“Why?” he asks, mind still reeling over this (and, oh gods, he hopes none of Sansa's high school friends ever said anything to Robb or her parents. But no, if they had, Jon's pretty sure he'd be dead in a ditch or, at the very least, banned from family functions by now).

He watches her struggle to come up with something to say, watches the blush spread from high on her cheeks down to her throat and she visibly swallows and for a moment he thinks she might cry and he feels suddenly horrible. Except no – she's the one making up stories about him. He shouldn't feel bad!

“It was... we were at a party and they were all talking about-” she lowers her voice to a whisper, eyes darting around, “-sex and they kept making jokes about how I was a virgin and they knew I hadn't slept with Joffrey before we broke up and I was sick of them making fun of me so I just... I told them I wasn't a virgin. And then they wanted to know who and... well, you were the first person I thought of.”

He's not quite sure how to take that and he doesn't really know what to say (though honestly, he wants to tell her that her high school friends were shit then and they're still pretty shit now, if Margaery cornering him in the basement to taunt him about his supposed crush is any indication).

“And the flowers?”

“Ok,” she says, letting out a forced, breathless laugh, “here's where it gets funny. I promise, you're gonna laugh...” He keeps frowning at her and she gives a subtle tug to her arm and, finding it unmoving, realizes she's going to have to tell him. “Margaery asked a lot of questions and I could tell she didn't believe me and it turned into this whole thing where you were like, obsessed with me? I told them you wrote me poetry and then I sent the flowers to myself...” she trails off uncertainly and Jon wills himself to breathe deep and bite his tongue against his initial retort.

“And you never thought that your gossipy high school friends might spread this around and it could get back to, I don't know, your brother - my best friend? Your parents?”

Her eyes go wide in horror and Jon can tell that no, she never thought of that. Her eyes dart around the party and Jon turns to look behind him and he can see a group of her high school friends whispering together and not too far away is her parents talking to her Uncle Benjen. He watches her eyes well up with tears and he fights back a sigh of annoyance because he wants to be furious with her, but he can't quite manage it (he is weak to tears, yes, but he also remembers high school Sansa – how insecure she was, how desperate to fit in with her friends, that little shit boyfriend who made her feel even worse – and he can't bring himself to be mad).

“Did it have to be Rihanna?” he sighs eventually, giving her what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“It's a good song,” she says, hesitantly, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth in return.

“You really should ditch those friends,” he tells her, serious again.

“I honestly don't hang out with them anymore, I just invited them because we all still live around here and Margaery DM'd me a few weeks ago about my party and I felt weird not inviting her. If you want, I can tell them the truth. I should have years ago.”

“It doesn't really matter,” he shrugs. “As long as it never gets back to your family, I do not want to deal with them thinking I deflowered their precious daughter.”

She huffs out an incredulous laugh and says, “I almost wish it had been you, Harry...” And then she stops and her mouth drops open and her eyes go wide like she can't believe she said that and honestly, neither can Jon. It hangs between them for a moment and suddenly he is very aware of his hand still on her arm, how smooth her skin feels beneath his touch. He lets go of her like it burns.

“Well,” he says, shifting back to give a few more inches of space between them. “I should probably let you get back to your party.”

“Yeah,” she says and then, just before he turns to go, “I'm glad you're back. In Winterfell, I mean. I guess I'll be seeing you around more?”

He stares at her for a few moments, the pink stain back on her cheeks, teeth biting into her bottom lip, fingers nervously playing with her birthday sash and he should say no because he can feel this leading down a road he was not prepared for, but instead he says, “yeah. Yes. I'll see you around.”

“Good,” she says and she smiles and as he walks away, all he can think is – Robb is gonna be so annoying about this.

#jonsa #jonsa fic #oh look it's another modern au #shocking #prompt fic

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moving-wright-along · 4 years

Text

bury me in your mind

this started as a sort of high school AU but it just turned into a whole nother beast. its a little over 4k words. i apologize in advance. Ticci Toby x a gender neutral reader warnings: mentions of violence and a fuckload of cursing. kinda angsy? but only towards the end

Toby hates high school and he hates every stupid fucker in the whole damn building.

The only exception to his burning hatred is you.

His English class is the only class that keeps Toby sane throughout the day, because it’s the class he gets to sit next to you. People naturally steer away from him once they notice the occasional twitches and jerks of his body, like their tiny brains have an alarm that goes off whenever they see anything that might not be ‘normal’. Toby decided a long time ago that it was probably for the best, and started to avoid everyone else as much as they avoided him. Yet on the first day, you sat beside him without being forced, and with plenty of other seats available.

At first he thinks you’re weird, but you don’t try to talk to him and you don’t flinch or lean away from him when he twitches, so you’re cool in his book.

Toby starts admiring you after about a week into the semester. He’s sitting in his seat, minding his own fucking business because he’s apparently one of the only people in this whole town that can, when some dumbass jock comes up and starts throwing out insults disguised as ‘friendly’ questions about his conditions. Toby immediately has to shove down the urge to sucker punch the idiot in the nose, but he promised his mom to try not to get into fights this year. And hell, he’s a mama's boy at heart still so he’s trying to indulge her. But goddamn is it hard.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” It takes a moment for Toby to register that you were the one that just spoke up.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than insult people over things they can’t control and be fucking annoying? Get a hobby.”

And- Wow, Toby really hopes he’s not as slack jawed as the other guy is, cause he looks like an idiot with his mouth open like that. The guy tries stuttering something out but it's drowned out by several people laughing and a few of the guy's so-called friends jeering him because 'damn dude, the quiet kid just owned your ass’. The teacher steps in and everyone quiets down, their attention thankfully taken off your corner of the room.

Toby has the decency to stutter out a quiet 'thanks’ that you just shrug off. You instantly became way more than just 'cool’ in Toby’s book.

He wants to say so much more than thanks, like how you’re the first person to stand up for him besides his sister in a long time, and how pretty he thinks you are, but he keeps his stupid mouth shut and his head down. The two of you don’t talk again until a few days later.

There’s a substitute teacher that day, but they’re clearly not very good at their job considering the class is way louder than usual. Toby grits his teeth and just tries to focus on his worksheet, resisting the urge to clap his hands over his ears. Every noise- every high pitched laugh, every pencil thrown across the room, every scrapping of chair legs on the floor- seems to send him further towards a total breakdown, every one of his senses completely overloaded. He jumps when he feels a soft poke on his arm. You hold out your other earbud to him.

“Wanna listen?” You ask. He stares blankly for a moment, and he guesses that he waits too long to reply because after a moment you roll your eyes and hold out your hand a little further.

“Come on man, I don’t bite unless I have to.” You smile a little, and it takes him a second to realize you’re joking. He’s quick to react after that.

His heart pounds hard as he takes the earbud from you and jams it into his ear, trying not to think about your fingers brushing together for a split second. He spends the rest of class silently noting the titles and lyrics of songs on your playlist as they pass. He ends up listening to those same songs when he gets home, his mind replaying the encounter over and over.

The two of you could almost be considered friends after that. You share your earbuds with him frequently, you lower your voice and whisper comments or jokes to him occasionally and he always has to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from snickering too loud. At first you only talk about assignments and whatever book your class is reading but soon you’re talking about all kinds of things.

Toby notices a lot of little things about you around this time. You sit a little closer to him than before since your earbuds don’t reach that far, and you spend more time zoning out and doodling in class than you do paying attention. You say you hate english but he’s starting to think you just say that to have something to complain about, because you’re not nearly as bad at it as you claim to be.

Unbeknownst to Toby, you notice things about him too. He shies away when you get a little to close and his breath hitches when you poke at him or whisper to get his attention. Everyone seems weary or even scared of him but you quickly find out that he’s… kind of a dork. He likes to read and loves sci-fi and adventure stories and he blushes when you discover that he likes the occasional romance as well. He talks a lot when you get him going about a topic he enjoys and then gets bashful when he realizes just how long he was talking. He lives close to the woods and he loves being outside and has a strange amount of knowledge about the local flora and fauna. He apologizes too much and keeps his mouth shut tight when other people are around and his voice is naturally kind of soft even though he has a tendency to be louder than he thinks he is.

You like him. He’s sweet.

Toby still struggles with people in other classes and in the halls every-fucking-where else, but at the very least he has English with you.

The year passes quickly. Toby gets you a Christmas gift after the holiday break is over- a pair of new earbuds because you had texted him complaining about your current ones giving out and you feel bad because you didn’t think to get him anything. You buy some random candy since you don’t know what he likes and give it to him the next day and even though you feel like an asshole for not giving him a real gift he smiles at you like it’s the best thing he’s ever received and you silently vow to get him something better for his birthday..

You buy him a box of Valentine's chocolates but chicken out before giving them to him so you just lie and say that you got them from your mom and you share the kind of gross candies in the back of class and try not to let the shame show on your face. He gives you a pink frog plushie with a messed up eye and claims he got it because he thought it would make you laugh and it does. You really wish you’d just given him the stupid box.

You’re getting ready for bed a few days later when you get a text from him. You raise an eyebrow as you cross the room to your phone and look it over.

‘Need to get out of the house for a while. I was gonna wander around in the woods like a dumb teenager, wanna come?’

You roll your eyes. You imagine that if you looked out the window right now you’d spot Toby outside your house already. Your friend knew you had a hard time saying no to him and abused his power to no end.

'its a school night dummy.’

'and almost midnight’

‘Yeah… Anyway, how’s that science project that’s due tomorrow coming along for you?’

Shit. You totally forgot about that.

'asshole’

‘Haha. You could always skip and finish it tomorrow.’

'ugh’ ‘you let me forget on purpose’

‘You have no proof of that.’ ‘I’ll buy you an energy drink and snacks?’

'open with that next time. omw’

At least you were right about him already waiting for you. Toby grins at you a little and you punch him in the arm lightly once you’ve successfully climbed out of your window. True to his word, Toby buys you a Monster and teases you about your flavor choices.

“The original monster is fucking gross-” You say, scrunching your nose up at the very thought of it.

“It’s- It’s not that bad! You’re j-just a baby.” Toby argues back as he wanders down the aisles, grabbing whatever snacks and candies catch his or your attention.

“You’re not even supposed to drink Monster, loser.”

Toby shrugs, ducking his head and hiding his smile behind his hood. You wish he’d smile a bit more openly.

Toby pays the gas station attendant for your haul and the two of you start walking in the same direction as his house, wandering past it and into the nearby woods. You’re a little freaked out walking around the dark woods at night, but Toby seems totally at home. Although, he practically grew up in these woods, so you suppose it’s only fair.

“Why the fuck is it so cold? It’s spring.” You complain. You thought it’d be warmer and you’re practically freezing in your long sleeve shirt.

“It’s barely March.” Toby retorts.

“Whatever.”

“Wanna wear my jacket?” Toby offers, although he pales when you look up at him and he turns his gaze away. The dark hides his expression, but it’s pretty easy to tell that he’s embarrassed.

“Sure.” You answer, trying to sound casual. Before you know it you’re wrapped up in his jacket. It’s already a bit too big on him cause he’s way skinnier than he should be so it hangs off your frame and covers your hands. It’s nice, though you try not to think too hard about how much you enjoy wearing it, or how it smells like that awful body spray he uses that you can’t seem to complain about.

“You sure you’re not cold, though?” You ask.

“Eh. C-CIPA stuff makes feeling temperature we-weird anyway.” He shrugs. You forget sometimes that he doesn’t feel pain. The following silence is awkward and you’re still trying not to focus too much on the fact that giving someone your jacket is an inherently romantic gesture, so you decide to bully him a bit to take your mind off it.

“Where’d you even get this thing anyway? Who in the right mind sells a brown jacket with striped sleeves and a blue hood?” You ask and he snorts. You’ve made it clear before through teasing just how silly you find his jacket’s design to be. Toby rolls his eyes.

“W-Wasn’t always a blue hood. I fell out of a tree once and ripped the original h-hood on the w-way down. Lyra just took the hood off-off one of her old jackets and s-sewed it on.”

You roll your eyes and chuckle. He’s the only person you know that would have a story like that.

The two of you wander around together and talk, and as you walk you wonder what his reaction would be if you just reached out and held his hand. Too bad you’re too much of a coward to try.

As if on cue, Toby pauses in his tracks and reaches out to grab your sleeve. He tugs you gently in a different direction.

“Come on. T-This way.”

“Where’re we going?” You ask.

Toby glances over his shoulder at you, and you notice a hint of a smile across his face.

“There’s this o-old tower th-thing close by. I like hanging out there sometimes.”

Toby leads you into a clearing, and you find yourself in front of a tall red tower.

“What is this thing?”

“D-Dunno. I guess it use-used to be a climbing wall or something.”

You stare at some of the graffiti on the outer walls as Toby walks around to the other side.

“Come on!” He calls. You follow him around to the back of the tower and find that one side is open, allowing access to the inside. Caution tape and trash litters the ground inside and Toby is halfway up a ladder to the top.

“We’re climbing up…? This looks rickety as hell, man.”

“It’s fine,” Toby assures, pausing at the top to turn and look down at you. “I’ve climbed this thing pl-plenty of times.”

“I dunno…”

“Come on. D-don’t be a baby, it’s fine.” He teases and makes himself comfortable on the top of the wall.

“That’s exactly what the guy says to the girl before something really bad happens in a horror movie.” You argue, though you can’t fight back a smile as you climb up anyway.

“We’re not in a ho-horror movie though.” Toby says, taking your hand and helping you sit beside him. You sit close to him and your sides press together. You feel a surge of pride when you remember that he used to shy away from you a lot when you first met, but now you can casually touch like this with no issue.

You open and share snacks together, and you let Toby take a sip of your drink to see if he likes the flavor or not. You watch him raise it to his mouth and your brain screams something at you about an indirect kiss and you quickly shove that thought aside and stomp on it.

Sure, Toby is cute and he’s a good friend, but you don’t like him like that. Definitely not. Would you kiss the crap out of his stupid adorable face if you knew it wouldn’t scare him off? Of course. But that doesn’t mean you have some kind of lame crush on him.

“Ca-Can I… tell you something?” He starts, seeming a bit bashful all of the sudden. Your heart kicks into overdrive. Oh fuck, okay, maybe you we’re lying about not having a little bit of a crush.

“Of course.” You say, trying not to let your voice waver. He hesitates.

“U-Uh. N-Nevermind, actually! Heh.”

You raise a brow.

“Oh come on, what was it?” You ask.

“Ju-just!” Toby looks a bit panicked as he fumbles. “Um. Just thinking about th-that book I’m reading. I think I already told you about it though. D-Did I tell you about the main character and his friend’s fight?”

Even if you didn’t know Toby that well, you’d still know he was lying. He’s a pretty bad liar. Your heart sinks a bit but you don’t push the subject.

“Oh, yeah you did.” You say, a little disappointed. Toby rambles for a few minutes about his book and conversation continues easily enough.

“Oh!” Toby jumps, and suddenly turns to you with a big smile. “M-My sister is coming over this weekend!”

“Lyra, right?”

“Y-Yeah. She’s coming to visit f-from college.” He says, and he looks really happy. “Y-you should come over and meet her. She’d l-love you.”

That sentiment makes you feel warm inside. Toby speaks very highly of his sister, so you really hope she likes you.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” You say and Toby beams at you.

“You seem excited.” You smile and nudge him with your elbow.

“Y-yeah. She goes to school kind of far away, so it’s been a while sin-since I’ve seen her.” Toby looks away, his tone becoming a bit more serious. “F-for a long time I felt like Lyra w-was the only per-person who really cared about me… W-well. Until I met you.”

Your heart melts a little and you can’t resist letting your head thunk onto his shoulder. Toby stiffens, but makes no move to stop you.

“She sounds great, I can’t wait to meet her.”

Toby hums, and you sit together for a while longer until you realize it’s almost 3 am. You carefully climb back down the ladder, Toby following and you watch as he jumps down the last foot of ladder and lands on his feet with a soft thunk. You’re about to walk off before he catches your attention again.

“Oh! I-I almost forgot,” He says, then starts examining the walls, as if looking for something. “H-Here it is.”

You approach to see what he’s talking about, and you find a low section of wall with Toby’s name messily carved into it.

“Wanna carve something too?” He asks. You hum an affirmative and Toby withdraws a small pocket knife from his jean pocket and hands it to you.

“I’m not gonna question why you have a knife.” You say, chuckling tiredly as you knelt and began carefully carving.

“F-For protection, obviously.” Toby says, his tone teasing. “One of u-us has to keep us safe. Since we’re in a horror movie now.”

You roll your eyes and finish up your carving, moving aside so Toby could see it. You carved your own name underneath his, adding a plus sign between them. You watch him flush slightly, trying not to blush yourself.

“Now everyone will know we were here together.” You say, justifying yourself as you passed his knife back.

He walks you home and you reluctantly give his jacket back once you’re in your driveway. You’re about to climb back through your window when Toby speaks up.

“U-um…” He starts. You look back to see him rocking on his feet. He steps forward, and hesitates for a second before pulling you into a quick hug.

“T-thanks for hanging out with me. A-And-and for being my friend. Bye!”

Toby lets go and runs off before you can say anything back. You find yourself grinning from ear to ear as you slip into bed, quickly unlocking your phone and opening his contact.

'you’re welcome, loser <3’

You skip school the next day like Toby suggested, convincing your mom of a killer headache when she comes in to see why you’re not up. You imagine the eyebags from your lack of sleep help your case pretty well since she doesn’t make a fuss about it. You finish up some neglected work and waste the day away. It’s Friday, and you know Lyra is supposed to come into town today. You figure Toby will message you later about plans to meet up.

So you find it strange when you don’t hear from Toby at all that weekend. You feel a little down about it, but maybe Lyra just didn’t feel like hanging out, and he was probably busy with family stuff, so you don’t question it.

When he doesn’t show up to class on Monday, you figure he’s just spending more time with his family. Then, when two more days go by without seeing him or getting a text back, you worry that he got into a fight and got suspended or something. You’re properly freaking out by the time the week is up.

You’d only been to Toby’s house once before and that was only when all of his family was out of the house for the night. Other than that he was always kind of weird about you coming over. If you hung out outside of school it either had to be at your place or somewhere else. And now here you were, marching over to get an answer.

You notice a car in the driveway and hesitate. You didn’t want to risk interacting with his dad. Toby never told you any specifics, but he seriously hated that guy. You look up at Toby’s window and notice a shadow move across the curtains. He’s in there.

You don’t want to recreate a shitty teen movie and throw rocks at his window, and if texting him worked then you would’ve gotten an answer days ago. Using the railing of the porch, you haul yourself as quietly onto the roof outside his window as possible. Fuck, you really hope it’s him in there and not one of his parents or something. Gently, you knock on the glass. There’s no response for a minute, and you’re about to knock again when the curtains yank back and scare the shit out of you. You’re met with Toby’s shocked face on the other side, as if you both were equally startled by one another.

“Uhh… Hi?” You say weakly. Toby struggles to yank the window up and drags you inside. You stumble into his bedroom and his hands grip your biceps hard.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He hisses.

“I was worried about you!” You snap, keeping your voice as low as his. “You’ve been out all week and you never- replied…”

Your anger completely melts away when you finally get a good look at the state he’s in. His arms and hands are bandaged up and his face is marred with little scratches and a nasty bruise beneath his eye. He raises an eyebrow like he has no idea why you’re looking at him like that. His breath hitches when you absentmindedly reach out and place a hand on his cheek, just below the bruise and rub a bit with your thumb.

“What happened to you?” You ask, softly. Toby suddenly jumps back, like your touch burnt him. His arms wrap tight around his chest and he avoids your gaze and you try not to be hurt by that.

“C-Car accident.”

“You were in a fucking car accident?!” You whisper-scream.

“I’m fine.” He insists. He doesn’t look fine to you at all. “S-Sorry I did-didn’t tell you. Ph-Phone’s been turned off for a few days…”

He glances at his nightstand and you follow his gaze to his phone, connected to the charger but the front is completely shattered. He probably just didn’t want to look at it.

Toby stays silent for a moment before speaking up again.

“Are you mad at me?”

“What? No- God no, Tobes, I was just worried. It’s okay, really. I’m sorry I freaked out and climbed onto your roof and knocked on your window.”

Toby finally grins a little at your remark, but it drops off his face quickly.

“…You should go. I don’t want my parents to know you’re here.” Toby herds you towards the window, and you go without any struggle. All you wanted was to see that he was okay, and you supposed you got your answer.

“Alright, alright, but you better text me later, okay?”

Toby smiles a little again, but it looks forced.

“Y-Yeah. I’ll try.”

You head back home, and you don’t get any texts. You spend the next few days in silent frustration while you’re still ignored by your friend. Maybe something else happened that he’s not telling you about? Sure, a car accident is traumatizing, but he seemed more or less okay? There has to be some other reason he’s avoiding you.

All it takes is a quick scroll through your local news site to find the obituary. Lyra Rogers. Your hands freeze on your laptop’s mouse in silent horror. Holy shit, his sister died in that crash. You’re suddenly overcome with sadness. Toby talked about Lyra a lot- about his cool older sister in college a few towns away who always looked out for him. You never got to meet her. Fuck, no wonder he’s been so distant.

Every ounce of frustration leaves your body and you slump over. You just accept that you’re probably not going to see your friend anytime soon. You consider giving him your condolences, but you don’t want to risk bringing it up and hurting him more. Besides, Toby’s never been one to want people’s sympathy or pity. You suppose he’ll reach out when he’s ready.

The next few days are sporadic. You get an apology text from Toby and he updates you about his condition, though he’s vague and only mentions that he’s going to see a doctor. You don’t get much else. English class is boring without him. Toby goes completely silent again.

You figure he just needs time to himself to heal, but you’re constantly worried about him in the back of your mind. One morning you’re passing through the living room while getting ready for school and you pause in front of the TV, your mother having left it on the news. Your heart stops mid beat in your chest.

Brutally murdered… fire… missing…

You feel bile rise in your throat and you slap a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from being sick, backing away from the TV. Tears flow down your cheeks. There’s no way this is real, right? Toby wouldn’t do that. Your Toby wouldn’t do that.

You quickly retreat to your room, ignoring your mother's shout from downstairs. You whip out your phone, foregoing your text messages and going straight to calling him. You need to hear from him, you need him to tell you that it was all a lie and that he was innocent.

Your first call goes unanswered, but the second goes through after two rings. You gasp a little and listen hard for a moment. You think you can hear breathing, the distant crunching of leaves.

“Toby?” You ask. The call ends immediately. The rest of your calls are unanswered. You resort to texts after a few minutes, hoping that he was at least reading them.

You skip school the next few days- you don’t want to hear what anyone else has to say on the situation, no one knew Toby like you knew him, and you can’t guarantee that you won’t lunge at someone for bad mouthing him. Although, you never thought Toby would kill someone either, so maybe you didn’t know him that well after all.

Your life feels like it's falling apart. You’re like a carnival ride violently swinging back and forth between the five stages of grief, jumping around like it’s fucking hopscotch.

You push yourself out of bed that weekend in a strange rush of determination. You were just making yourself more miserable by sitting around and wallowing in bed all day, you’re driving yourself crazy like that. Pushing past the want to just lay down again, you get dressed and decide to go on a walk. Maybe fresh air will make you feel better.

Without even trying, you somehow end up close to Toby’s house. For a second, you consider going up to the door and knocking, maybe talk to his mom a bit. You’ve never met her before, but Toby seemed fond of her. Maybe she’d let you, you don’t know, take one of his jackets to remember him by? Or was that way too weird?

You realize with a sinking feeling that Connie Rogers lost her daughter, son, and husband within the short span of a few weeks. She most certainly has more important things to deal with than some kid showing up on her door and asking to rifle through her son’s stuff. Maybe you could talk to her sometime, but not now. You push past and walk into the woods behind their house, wandering around until you somehow end up at the tower you visited with him only a few days ago.

You collapse into a heap and slump against the wall. The floodgates swing open and all your emotions come rushing out, and you let them.

You scream and cry without having to worry about anyone hearing you. You sob uncontrollably for a few minutes, then you curse Toby’s name and yell at him for tricking you into being his friend- then your brain makes you imagine what his face would look like if you had said that to his face and then you’re just sad again. You shrink in on yourself, crying and saying that you didn’t mean it. You don’t know why you bother saying anything to him out loud anyway, it’s not like he can hear you.

You wish he was dead, that they’d found a body after he escaped. At least then you’d know where he was. Then you could go to his grave and punch his headstone, or you could just sit there and talk as if everything was normal. But there’s no body, so there’s no grave. Knowing that he was likely alive out there somewhere is somehow more painful.

“You stupid jerk.” You say between disgusting, hiccupping sobs. You wipe at your face with your sleeve, trying to calm yourself.

If only you knew he was hiding up in a tree, a measly few feet away at the edge of the clearing, clutching at his chest as if it would keep his heart from clawing its way out.

#ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #toby rogers #toby rogers x reader #toby aaron rogers #lmk if theres spelling errors or smth im illiterate #this went way out of control lol this is so much longer than intended #my writing

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painted-crow · 3 years

Note

Hey I hope this isn’t awkward but that post about your burned badger (lion?) secondary really hit home for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same burned model in the past - I think I started off with a healthier badger/lion model (I can’t figure out which and am still figuring out my sorting anyway) and some external life stuff going on later, I’m really just pushing through and getting stuff done with all the delicacy of a brick. And same here with the emotional rollercoaster ... 1/2

And same here with the emotional rollercoaster of it between panic/apathy. And the burnout. And the ignoring physical pain. And I can see now how this was uh. Pretty unhealthy actually but it really was just so. effective especially given the circumstances and I kind of miss it in a way. It would be nice if I could get back a healthier version of whichever model it was. Anyway I love reading your blog you always have such insightful things to say thanks for reading this ramble <3 2/2

💙💙💙 :D

Not awkward! I'm glad that was useful for someone, rather than just being an angst dump on my part lol

Emergency secondary mode, Badger or Lion?

Links to previous posts:

- post describing my emergency secondary mode (cw for burnout stuff)

- the worst version of this post (cw for terrible memes)

So, after a lot of consideration and chatting with some lovely SHC people (looking at you @mooglesorts and you @magpie-of-a-birb), I've come to the tentative conclusion that I have a Lion secondary performance.

Which is not something I ever expected to say! I've long had a knee-jerk "aaaaa scary!" reaction to Lion secondary, but actually I think that's because I have this performance and I've had to use it in unsustainable ways.

I should probably put a trigger warning here for self harm through overwork... yeah.

So, I found this song:

youtube

(While it is a bop, it is also x2 trigger warning combo for self harm ahaha)

This song's primary is exploded Glory Hound Lion--that's not what's relatable about it to me tho. What I wanted my friends' opinion on was the secondary that's displayed here. Sounded familiar. So I brought it up on the SHC Discord server (which is out of beta, dm me for an invite link if you wanna join!).

I was thinking it might actually be the fully Burned "anything that works" secondary, but Magpie was like "no, that's a Lion sec with a Snake model" and I went "huh..."

...and then Moogle was like no that's a snakesec with an unhealthy Lion model, the masks aren't working so they're busting out Lion--and especially there's the focus on the character feeling powerful because they can hurt themself with it and keep going anyway

And I was like "oh shit that tracks more than I was expecting it to... whoops"

Badger hits different without unhealthy pressure

I do have and use a Badger secondary model, and I used to think my emergency secondary mode was just my Badger model taken to unhealthy extremes. But I don’t think so now.

First, because I actually think that my emergency mode is/was often a product of my exploded Badger primary model, which itself idealized Badger secondary.

I'm still picking through that thing's shrapnel and finding its influence in old memories and automatic reactions I still have and stuff like that--not to mention rooting it out of my system. Which is to say, now that I know what I'm looking for, I'm still discovering how far back this thing goes! Turns out I've been trying to whack this piñata for years, and it used to be so much worse.

The self-destructive "I'd rather run myself hard into the ground than fail" nature of my emergency mode makes a lot of sense in retrospect. When you tie your self-worth to achievement... well: the lyrics "I'll never lose / I'll never die" from the song seem less "I have achieved immortality!" and more "I basically equate failure with death." This song really straddles that edge of relatable but also obviously messed up. It's... something.

Second, my Badger secondary model is very different when it's not under pressure from the 'splodey primary model. I'm kind of having to figure out what it's like without that and it's weird. It seems to be a whole lot more chill and also I'm getting more Courtier than I'm used to?

Yeah, turns out if you dig out "you should help other people to justify your existence, but don't accept help back or it cancels it out" from your system (because damn, there's a system piece I didn't look at closely enough) it might have been holding up Courtier potential you haven't been using.

What's the difference?

I don't know who pointed this out first, I think I read it somewhere, but Badger secondary is very process focused and Lion secondary is very results focused. (Bet you this was from @wisteria-lodge. I'm not sure, though.)

Badger usually shows up as a few main things for me: mirroring, chipping away at big projects, picking up life maintenance and self care type tasks (especially when Bird secondary is burned), and caregiving/service stuff. It can also Burn on its own, which is its own brand of "motivation is a cryptid" exhaustion. None of this looks like Lion, so where does the confusion come in?

The only time my Badger model starts to look like Lion--and here the line really blurs with the performance--is when I've tried to get it to do tasks it's not really meant for. There are things I need Bird unburned in order to tackle (perhaps it's the presence of burned Birdsec that gets in the way? That injured confidence can be really debilitating) and I can't do them with just Badger.

I'm sure actual Badger secs know how to, say, learn Adobe Illustrator's unbelievably complicated controls while under deadline using Badger, but I have no clue. I powered through using probably the least efficient controls possible. (If you're using the nudge tool as a form of measurement, you're probably doing it wrong. I'm guessing.)

Needless to say, that's exhausting. I think there's some point in the project timeline where it stops being "well it's not efficient but at least I'm making progress!" and starts being fueled by raw stubborn determination and a little bit of spite. The contentment with the process goes out the window. I'm fighting my own perfectionism (and usually losing) because I just want this thing done.

Which, that's not necessarily a bad thing! Sometimes it's really useful to be able to go "screw it" and charge. It becomes a bad thing when you ignore all your other needs to do it, possibly because you've tied success and/or productivity to your self worth, and also you're still clutching your perfectionism and hissing "my precioussssss."

also:

It's not always obvious, but I sometimes use Lion secondary in ways not connected to the splodey Badger primary model.

(Occasionally it is obvious though... haha)

I do have this one story about realizing my younger brother might be in danger and charging off to find him, armed with a heavy wooden coat hanger against potential assailants. I went from Bird situational analysis to "this is the best weapon I can find on short notice" in like 30 seconds. In my defense, I was very sleep deprived at the time.

(It makes more sense in context.)

(Sort of.)

so.

I think the emergency secondary mode is a Lionsec performance.

This post took me like a month to write even after figuring it out. And then another few weeks collecting dust in my drafts, because how do you edit something like this

But I've been sitting on it for way too long and I'm tired of saying I should finish/post it, and tonight I'm feeling bored and a little impulsive... so, screw it--I'm calling this done.

(can you hear it? it's there... fighting my Birdsec/Badgersec model perfectionism again.)

(this time, I will listen.)

#sortinghatchats #shc performances #gryffindor secondary model #(i don't have tags for performances alas)#hufflepuff secondary model #burned ravenclaw secondary #splodey badger primary model #secondary toast revolving door #asks #paint speaks

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thedeathdeelers · 4 years

Note

Pillow

oof. i’m not sure how this turned into a 2k thing, but anyway

hope you like it 🤗

also available on my AO3

———

(song)titles are impossible

Julie was sat on the black weathered couch in the studio, staring blankly into space.

They had been sat in the studio for hours today trying to come up with a new song name for their latest anthem. She was rather proud of the song - it might even be one of the best ones she’s co-written with Luke yet.

And so, it seemed only fitting that they come up with a song title that truly represented the sheer greatness of their collaborative genius.

(Like I said, she was really proud of this one.)

They had even managed to rope in Reggie and Alex to help this time. Something both boys were deeply regretting right now.

It wasn’t going too great.

“Come on guys! It’s just a song name.” Julie could hear the whining and exasperation all the way from down here. She barely held the urge to roll her eyes, looking up towards her band mate, eyes slightly unfocused from being zoned out for so long.

Alex was sat in his favourite spot in the loft, legs hanging, as his forearms rested against the grainy wood of the railing.

“Just pick the first two or three words that stand out the most from the chorus and call it a day. I was supposed to meet up with Willie half an hour ago.” His lip jutted out in a pout, the way it always did whenever Alex spoke about his boyfriend.

“Alex, I’ve already told you, we want this title to stand out. It’s got to be something different from the rest of our songs - we can’t just “pick words from the chorus”.” She might have repeated that last sentence with a bit more attitude than was required. She was getting tired, sue her.

Another groan, and a soft thump to her right, made her turn her head. Reggie, sat in a very precarious position on the armchair, rubbed at his face.

“Come on Julie, Ray has a very big photo shoot going on right now. He’s been stressing about it all week - I need to be there for emotional support!”

Emotional support ghost floated through Julie’s mind.

Alex snorted. “Reg, he doesn’t even know you exist.”

“It still counts! I help him find things sometimes, makes things run smoother.” He stuck his tongue out at his friend, before he turned back towards Julie.

“Just use something from your dreambox? Maybe you’ll find something in there to inspire you?” He sounded a little too hopeful.

“You think I haven’t tried that already? Luke and I have been trying to think up of a title for days! You guys were literally our last resort.”

She heard a low mumble coming from the loft, something that sounded a lot like “gee thanks.”

With a snort and a sigh, Julie’s head fell back, resting on the couch pillows as her eyes took in the familiar sight of their studio’s ceiling. Why was this so hard? They’ve already done all of the hard work; the lyrics, the melody, the bass and drum and guitar parts. They just needed a title! This was just too frustrating.

She rolled her head to the left, in the direction of the other end of the sofa, hoping her songwriting partner was having better luck than she was.

Instead she found him looking right at her. Just staring. She could say she’s gotten used to having his piercing hazel eyes focused solely on her, but she’d be lying. She felt her cheeks growing a little warmer.

She stared back, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of him, but his eyes didn’t waver. His expression taking on a more questioning look.

Feeling self-conscious, her hand automatically reached up to cover whatever it was she assumed was wrong with her face.

“What, what’s wrong? Do I have something on my face? Is something stuck in my hair again?” Julie started picking at random stray hairs, checking for loose dust bunnies and fluff.

But Luke quickly shook his head at her question, only just realising that he was openly staring.

“No, no! Your face is perfect. I mean it’s perfectly fine- I mean you’re fine- you’re good!” He stumbled his way through his sentence, turning slightly pink as he shifted his gaze back to his lap, attempting to focus on his notebook.

Huh.

“Luke had that “I wonder what would happen if-“ look to him.” Belatedly, Julie remembered that her two band mates were still in the room with them.

“He had his what what?”

“You know, whenever he’s thinking of something weird, a random idea popping into his head. He gets all” Reggie motioned to the general area of his face, “and that’s when you know.”

Now Julie was really curious. She turned her head back towards a still pink Luke, about to ask him what he was thinking about, when Alex jumped in before her.

“Okay! Looks like you guys are taking a break so I’m just going to pop out real quick!” And before Julie could even articulate a shout, Alex literally popped out of the studio. She hated that they could do that so easily.

Not even a second later, she heard Reggie disappear as well.

At least Luke had no one to interrupt them now.

Julie shifted, twisting around on the sofa as she brought her knee up onto the seat, tucking her foot under her left leg as it dangled over the front. Leaning back against the armrest, she folded her arms, zeroing in on her lead guitarist.

“So, you going to tell me, or am I going to have to beat it out of you?”

Luke’s head snapped up at that, staring at her as his eyebrows disappeared under his beanie.

“Beat it out of me?” His surprise quickly morphed into a smirk. He looked good when he was being cocky.

No Julie, focus.

Rolling her eyes at him, she replied with an off handed “You know what I mean.”

“No, no I really don’t.”

“Stop trying to change the subject.”

“I’m not - I’m really interested to know what you meant by that. Didn’t realise you were into violence, Molina.” Another smirk.

“Luke.”

“What?”

“LUKE!”

“Fine, fine! Geez relax. Don’t need to get all grouchy on me.”

“I’m not grouchy!” Julie was finding it hard to keep her temper in check - Luke always had this way of riling her up with just 2-3 well placed words.

“Really?” Luke deadpanned.

She just harrumphed back at him, willing herself to keep her mouth shut long enough to let him speak.

But he stayed quiet, his eyes flirting between her face and something over her shoulder.

She lifted an eyebrow at him, cocking her head to side, urging him to go ahead.

He sighed.

“It’s stupid. Honestly, you’ll think you’ve wasted your breath trying to get me to spill.”

She didn’t react, choosing to simply wait for him to continue.

He threw his hands up in the air.

“Uh! I was just wondering what your hair would feel like to sleep on. There. See? Stupid.”

She could only blink back at him.

One blink. Two. Still nothing.

“What.”

“You know - like what a pillow stuffed with your hair would be like. Soft, or flat or comfy. I figure the curls have enough give to them that it’d be soft enough to hold without fully flattening out.” He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.

All she could do was stare back at him, completely flabbergasted. This was not what she was expecting. She’s not even sure what she was expecting - but definitely not this.

What.

She sat there all afternoon trying to think up of song titles, and instead of helping he was thinking about what her hair would feel like as a pillow?

Maybe Alex was right. Maybe they really did need a break.

Julie was so busy trying to wrap her head around what Luke had just told her, that she hadn’t noticed him awkwardly fidgeting as he sat there waiting for her to say something.

“So yeah. I told you. Dumb.”

At his words, Julie snapped out of her confused daze, refocusing on the embarrassed ghost in front of her.

He was silly, had weird habits and a definitely questionable thought process, but she loved him as he was.

Making her mind up on the spot, Julie shifted, pushing her body further down the couch until her head rested fully on the arm rest. Even with her legs bent at the knee, her feet were nearly pressed against Luke’s thigh.

She lifted her hand up, holding it out for him to take, but he only just stared at her, utterly confused at the turn of events.

“Come on, you can test out your theory now if you‘d like.” Julie patted her hair as it lay covering the armrest next to her.

She could see that Luke was still lost, not fully grasping what she was telling him. So she sat up, grabbed his hand and pulled him back down with her.

This time he reacted quickly, shaking his head as if to expel any lingering confusion. He moved forwards, laying down next to her. Julie squeezed herself back against the back cushions, as Luke’s head came to rest on top of the overflowing curls that were taking over the armrest.

Julie, already lying on her side and facing Luke, couldn’t help but stare at his profile, his face so close. His eyes were closed, eyelashes so incredibly long, as he wiggled his head left and right, trying to get comfortable. Her lips twitched, he really was taking this seriously.

A few minutes passed before he opened his eyes, shifting until he was on his side, facing Julie.

Julie couldn’t help but wince a little at his sudden movements, feeling a few strands pull at her scalp.

“Sorry!” Luke nearly jumped as he made to get up, trying to move away and avoid pulling at her hair even more. And although it did hurt, Julie wasn’t ready to move on from this ridiculous situation they found themselves in just yet.

“No! No, it’s alright. I just needed to move a few of the shorter strands. Don’t worry.” She put her hand on his arm, pulling him back down, and leaving it there to make sure stayed in his current position.

They remained quiet, both staring, mesmerised and completely taken by each other. This went on for a few minutes longer, until Julie could feel the tension rising. She had to break it before she did something she might (or might not) regret. Clearing her throat, she broke the silence that had taken over the studio.

“So, what’s the verdict?” She kept her voice low, nearly a whisper.

“Hm?”

Hearing him sound dazed, with his eyes, previously fully focused on hers, now shifting towards her lips, made Julie’s heart rate pick up, beating a little faster than it was a few seconds ago.

“You know,” she smiled, trying to control the heat spreading further through her cheeks, “My hair. Is it as comfortable as you imagined it’d be?”

“Oh. Oh, yeah.” His grin stretched wide, the effect of it taking Julie by surprise - apparently proximity made it more potent. “The perfect pillow. I think my favourite, actually. Not sure how I’ll be able to use the ol’ standard ones anymore from now on.”

His eyes crinkled, shining with so much emotion as his hand came to rest on her cheek, thumb gently tracing the curve of her cheekbone.

Oh.

Could she love this boy anymore than she already did? Apparently she could.

Feeling a little daring, helped by their current position, Julie quirked her lips into a small mischievous smile.

“Well, if you ever feel like you might need a break from the boring standard pillows, all you have to do is ask.” She moved a little closer, his eyes widening as she felt his warm breath on her lips.

“I might just say yes.”

FIN

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke fic #luke patterson #julie molina #juke #my fics #ask #prompt #thank you!#thedeathdeelers fics

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