#like fucks sake I’d say fuck it to social media and probably get my own place if I fucken could!!!

[chiefwritesbook]

Writeblr Q&A

I have been tagged by @scifimagpie (ty for tag) so I shall attempt to answer these questions lezzgo

1. What motivates you to write?

The soup brain has too many thoughts & I have to get them out. Also spite because my asshole 8th grade English teacher said my writing assignment was only worth a C (he was the ONLY one btw I got consistently vv high grades before him) & my Chinese immigrant friend got marked down for not being good at English. Fuck you Mr English teacher

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

(idk have this one from early chapter 2 I guess)

“You mean to say that I was bait,” Talin said.

“Not the word I would use, but in a way, yes,” Red Wolf confessed.

“Why?”

“You have been on the throne for less than a year. If someone wants you dead this quickly, something is amiss. I’d like to find out what.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

My boy Red Wolf. He's just...yes. Autistic werewolf puppy. Could definitely kill me without hesitation or talk me to death with weapons knowledge. I would thank him if he punched me.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I like not writing.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Worldbuilding, no doubt. I am simultaneously the best and worst at worldbuilding. You want a 2000-word essay on how languages & regional dialects evolved over time? I gotchu covered no problem. Want me to stop elaborating on how Hellhound magic is linked to the moon & actually write my sequels? Absolutely not.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I think the writeblr community is chill. Like y'all are just here for a good time and I can 100% respect that & get behind it. I get to write unhinged answers to these questions & not feel bad about it bc I don't have to self-impose ridiculous societal concepts such as 'maintain a professional image on social media'.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Scrivener? Am I allowed to say Scrivener even though I use at most like 2% of their features. I am the kind of person who if given nothing but a notes app & a two-hour uni class to sit through will hammer out a full chapter in those two hours instead of paying any attention to class. On the other hand if you want me to actually write during my free time I'm sorry I'm too busy procrastinating writing with art & procrastinating art with gaming.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

This is not a wise question to ask me (see: question 5) unless the goal was to make me sit here for ten minutes typing out an entire essay's worth of worldbuilding word vomit, in which case well played. However for the sake of my own free time & sanity:

The legal system in Kies Tor is probably the single greatest thing I've ever constructed & it plays a crucial part in the plot & was built off the early British/European court system as well as my own special interests in law & criminology. In short it's trying its best but it's also deeply fucked up and I love making the fucked up parts fuck up my characters.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Don't feel pressured to write. If you're staring at the same thing for weeks/months on end of course it's gonna get stale. Heck this Q&A post is the most I've written in weeks.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

@witch-king-of-angstmar ofc (no pressure to answer tho) but other than that I never know who to tag. I have social anxiety what is an interacting. If you see this on your dash consider yourself tagged

[puyoginge]

What's been going on with me.

3 years later I’ve decided to resurrect my Tumblr because it is my sanctuary and the social media ever. I disbanded twitter because it makes me angry all the time and for the sake of preserving my dwindling adult sanity. lol.

You may remember me from my few posts under the username yaboinate28. very 2018 lol. I posted a lot of trans / general mental health relatable stuff to manage my struggle with gender dysphoria and hopefully connect with others who felt the same as me. If you want to get a taste of what's been going on since then then please do read on below!! (TW mental health stuff)

WHY I LEFT

Some time in 2020 I purged all my trans posts, removing all my incentive to return to this new decade apocalypse of a site. I guess was feeling really insecure about the discordance between my Tumblr open-transness (??) and my irl extreme stealth thang. I was chronically worried about people from my real life finding my account basically. 

Much of my stuff was very Tumblr cringe and probably stuff you’ve seen before but there were a couple of self help posts that were actually insanely good resources for coping with gender dysphoria (particularly in the early stages of social transition) which I seriously regret deleting. I remember a lot of my memes “blowing up” which made me feel really special and like I could contribute something to the world. As a young teenager struggling with self harm and severe depression as well as navigating my life within a home that outright rejected my trans identity, my Tumblr was my lifeline, the people I met made me feel hopeful for the future, and seeing people reblog with “I needed to hear this” or “thanks so much for posting” meant everything to me.

But its important for me to address that I’m not the person I was back then, !!and whilst I'll be attempting to find and repost some of those self help resources!!, I probably won’t be posting about my trans experience much anymore other than within this entry. But please please reach out if you need someone who’s been through it to talk to. I’d love to support you however i can!! I’m only a message away. 

LIFE STUFF

Since 2019 my attitude on life has changed a lot and whilst coping with my mental health issues are still a daily hurdle, I’ve found myself a groove in which to sit and ride the wave. Essentially I’m managing and I’m happy and able to maintain a positive outlook on life, which is good. Additionally, with time my family have softened to my trans identity. Its not perfect, but I’m not at risk. I love my family and I don’t blame them for their actions, I’m just taking it slow. 

Passed my GCSES with flying colours, passed my A-levels with regular colours, and I'm going to uni. Life has continued and its good. And whilst I would rather eat my own shit than go back and relive the days when my mum had to force me me out the door to get me to go to school, I made it through every last day. That's fucking badass, and tbh I'm pretty resilient now because of it lol.

I guess my point is (crass warning) see the joy in what you have. Take life day by day. Don’t let yourself take the easy route, because then you’ll learn how fucking strong you are. And you are stronger than you think even if all your cards are stacked against you.

TRANSITION STUFF

Since the last time we spoke I’ve legally transitioned, and am (at the time of writing) dealing with the initial admin of medical transition. I’ve been speaking regularly with a gender specialist therapist for 2 years. more recently I’ve been exploring my gender expression with my new found freedom. AND I’m in a relationship with someone who is beautiful and kind and couldn’t be more supportive of me (I adore them). And.... I’m still as stealth as ever. Just as resistant to say “yAYYyy i’m trAns!!!” as I’ve always been. I fucking love it. Some things never change lol. As I said family are being dragged by the tail along with me and have warmed to the whole thing. Support is not the word, but acceptance is pretty apt. They both realise it’s always been “me” at this point and that's enough for the time being.

WHO I AM NOW

I’m now an adult (wtf so surreal????) I have allowed my passion for retro gaming to flourish, recently got super fucking into rhythm games, developed a healthy collection of games and consoles which I may post about perhaps. Resurrected my love for anime, particularly dumb slice of life shows and Madoka Magica (all hail you beautiful broken masterpiece of infinite spinoff potential)

I found my interest in psychology (wowwww surprise!!) Got a job, found some friends, told some people a long overdue fuck off. And rounded myself into a much more open minded person than I used to be.

I couldn’t care less how many people read this, mainly I’m doing it for me. To provide myself a clean slate and stuff. But if you do read this, and you used to enjoy my silly little posts or find them helpful or whatever: I hope you’re well, I’m glad you stuck around and I hope you stay :)

[higgs-the-god]

I need my aunt to realize… that if I’m tired all the time I Might Not Be Able to do very many things in a day,, this has been an issue literally most of my life

[mariaiscrafting]

no, you know what, I’m going to stop vague’ing on the dash. my anger is about to get extremely direct and enraged, so fair warning, but I don’t care about anyone’s comfort right now. I’m going to get fucking mad, and you all will fucking deal.

not a single one of us has the right, or should even have the option, to guess about ccs’ sexualities. I’ve kept my mouth shut when it comes to people analyzing george/dream and guessing they’re some kind of queer, but I’m fucking done. I’m going to go into every single reason “truthing” about ccs’ sexualities is just so beyond fucked.

first of all, this is in response specifically to ranboo and tubbo truthing. being a kid and getting thrown into such a massive spotlight, where you will undoubtedly be subject to some fuck shit eventually because the internet is full of thousands upon thousands of people, is already terrifying and anxiety-inducing and damaging enough. but for their own audiencemembers - their own supposed fucking “fans” - to take it one step further and speculate about their sexualities? oh, for the love of god. I can barely believe I even have to explain how fucked that is. it is one thing to be friends with or close to someone in real life and recognize your own queer struggle in them, to approach them with sympathy and support in case they are questioning. it is another thing entirely to speculate about the sexuality of someone you don’t even know, and to then take it a step further and “truth” about your fucking theories. you are not an expert, you are not their friend, and you are not a fucking oracle. you can guess all you want about a cc’s sexuality, you can comment on how their actions or behaviors or words resonate with you when you were questioning or closeted, but to go ahead and take your own speculation as truth is arrogant, presumptous, and damaging as all hell. 

I can just imagine what it would’ve been like if I’d grown an online platform that ripped me of my privacy when I was a teenager and trying to figure out my own sexuality. if I had a section of my audience analyzing my every social media post, the inflection in my voice and the nature of my laughs, my every interaction with my best friend, you know what I would’ve done? retreated so far into the closet that I would probably have tricked myself into thinking I was heterosexual. I would’ve been so fucking terrified and felt so stripped of any privacy or control I had over my own goddamn thoughts; do you understand how fucking vile that is? have none of you ever been terrified of giving away your own sexuality through your mannerisms and facial expressions and words, while you were closeted? have none of you ever experienced that utter fucking terror when you notice someone start to question your sexuality, the immediate urge to retreat and back up and act and believe the complete opposite just to prove them wrong and go back to the safety and security of them believing you were straight? for fuck’s sake, now imagine that feeling amplified a hundred fold, applied not just to one instance or one person in your life, but to thousands. do y’all not understand just how a) morally fucked it is to inflict this same kind of practice onto someone you supposedly care about and support, and b) potentially psychologically damaging this could be to ccs who are closeted, especially the fucking minors? oh my fucking god.

that isn’t even to point out why people do this shit - which is to project and find solace and derive some kind of enjoyment out of cc’s. that’s what cc’s are there for; they are entertainers, first and foremost, which continues outside of streams and bleeds into fandom culture and the kind of enjoyment fans can make out of interacting with other fans and creating their own fan content. the problem with this fact is that fans take it too far, like 85% of the time. cc’s aren’t just there for our own enjoyment. they are fucking people, oh my lord. they are real people that we will never know, and while we may have our fun with our little theories and talking to other fans and making and watching cute compilations and writing fanfiction and making fanart, we are just deriving entertainment from the parts of themselves they choose to show us. that persona they put on for the stream, that is not 100% them. they are real, rounded, 3-d, full people who we only ever get the privilege of witnessing a small sliver of. and we need to fucking remember that, because we can’t just keep running with the ideas of ccs that we have in our heads and treating them like they’re malleable characters for our own entertainment. 

anyways, specifically about truthing (and mind you, this is the point in the rant where a little of my anger starts to seep out because I’m tired and it’s 1:40 AM and I have class tomorrow): there’s so many things that can be said about gaydar. I’m not here to argue whether or not it exists, or the details of the morality of straight versus non-straight people engaging in the practice of truthing. I’m just here to say that, even if you believe gaydar exists and can be accurate when employed by non-straight people, that still only applies to people you fucking know. what you see of a cc is not “getting to know” them. what you are seeing is one face of a multi-faceted jewel, cut in far more ways that you can ever hope to one day perceive. your theories are just those - theories. whatever you might think of the giggles you heard or the pickup lines you saw uttered or the softness you imagine between x and y, human interaction is far too complex and laced with meaning for some rando on the internet who watches youtube videos and twitch streams to fully grasp from two entertainers working from behind a screen. your gaydar is not going to fucking work through a screen, fuck off with that shit.

another thing that’s fucking bothering me so much is this assumption that comes with being at all open about queerness when you yourself are not queer. ik this is just one of the many factors “truthers” use to justify the findings of their totally infallible, prophetic gaydar, but it’s a factor nonetheless, and it bothers the fuck outta me. someone being willing to express support for lgbt people or donate to lgbt chairities or open to conversations with other lgbt people about lgbt endeavors is not evidence of queerness. to say that it is contributes to the harmful belief that cishets still have that they cannot be any of those things - that is, exceedingly open about and to queerness - without being perceived as queer themselves. 

anyways, and now we are at the bottom line, which is that, this entire conversation wouldn’t even have to be had if people just fucking listened to cc boundaries. ranboo and tubbo do not like being shipped. it is that fucking simple. i know that it is tempting to ship two people you think are cute together. i know it is tempting to indulge in a dynamic you find comforting. but idgaf. temptation is not an excuse. find some fictional characters to ship, and kindly fuck off.

[kirishimaswife2819]

When You Dye Your Hair Like Theirs|| BNHA Boys

Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x Fem!Reader, Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader, Eijiro Kirishima x Fem!Reader, Shoto Todoroki x Fem!Reader, and Denki Kaminari x Fem!Reader

Summary: The boys reaction to you dying your hair the same color as theirs

Word Count: 1.6k

A/n: Ya’ll should request, cause I’m running out of ideas, and this idea took me a whole day and a half to think of and it still isn’t that great of an idea. Also I’m pretty sure the students don’t have bathrooms in their dorms, but for the sake of this, we’ll pretend that they do.  -Danielle <3

Izuku Midoriya:

Izuku and Todoroki were studying together in Izuku’s room when you knocked on the door with your shopping back in hand. You had just bought the dye and were very excited to see Izuku’s reaction. After hearing a knock on his door, Izuku yelled out.

“Come in!” 

You opened the door to see your green haired boyfriend sitting on his bed, with Todoroki sitting at his desk.

“Hey Y/n,” Izuku said, smiling and looking up from his text book and at you, “What are you doing?”

“Can I do something in your bathroom for a few hours?” You questioned and Izuku nodded, but gave you a strange look.

“Do what?” He asked, and you just shook your head, going over to him and kissing his nose.

“You’ll see,” you said, before turning and going into the bathroom. You went over the instructions in the box, before beginning the long process. After about three hours, and Izuku asking if you were done every fifteen minutes, you had finally finished dying your hair and drying it. You smiled at yourself in the mirror, now with green hair like Izuku’s.

You exited the bathroom, and Todoroki looked over at you, before Izuku did. Izuku didn’t look up, because he didn’t hear you exit the bathroom. Todoroki’s eyes went wide, and he turned to his friend.

“Midoriya, look,” Todoroki said, causing Izuku to look up. Izuku’s jaw dropped, and his eyes went wide. His face was slowly beginning to turn red when he realized what color you had chosen.

“Do you like it?” You asked.

“Y-yeah,” Izuku said, getting up. He got up and approached you, and then he ran a hand through your newly green hair, “It looks like mine.” You giggled at his comment.

“That was the whole point, Zuku,” you said, smiling at his reaction.

“I know, I like it,” he said, leaning in and kissing your forehead, “You look really p-pretty.”

“Thanks, babe, can I hang out with you and Todoroki while you finish studying?” You question and Izuku immediately nodded, sitting back down on the bed and leaving you a spot next to him. You smiled and sat down next to him, and watched him and Todoroki study, until finally Todoroki left. After he left, you two cuddled, and Izuku admired your new hair color choice.

Katsuki Bakugou:

“Why have you been in the bathroom for so long?” Bakugou asked.

“I’m doing something!” You yelled back.

“Well what are you doing?” Bakugou asked, standing up to go to the door and hear your responses better.

“You’ll see!” You called back.

“Well, Shitty Hair and Sparky are gonna be here in less than an hour, do you not wanna hang out with us?” He asked.

“I do! But I’ll be out soon, so just go set up for them to come,” you replied.

“Fine,” Bakugou replied, and went to make sure everything was cleaned up, and that the gaming system was hooked up and working fine. Just as you were finishing, you could hear Kirishima and Kaminari coming in. After drying your hair and taking a look at your new head of hair that was the same ash blonde that Katsuki’s was, you exited the bathroom, and went downstairs. Kaminari, who was waiting for a turn, while Kirishima and Bakugou played, was the first to see you.

“Hey Y/n! I like the color you dyed your hair!” Kaminari said, looking at your new hair. At those words, Kirishima looked back, and stopped paying attention to the game. Bakugou wasn’t listening to what Kaminari had said, so he didn’t notice anything was wrong and continued playing the game.

“Shitty Hair? What the fuck are you-” He looked at where Kaminari and Kirishima were looking, and his eyes went wide, “What the hell?”

“Wow, it looks just like Bakugou’s,” Kirishima commented, as Bakugou got up and approached you.

“Is this what you’ve been up to for the past few hours?” Bakugou asked, touching the freshly dyed hairs.

“Yup, I thought we could match,” you said, smiling, “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, you look hot as fuck,” he replied, giving you a kiss on the lips, “Now come on, you can play with us.”

Eijiro Kirishima:

“Hey, Eijiro?” You asked one night, as you laid in his bed.

“Yeah?” He replied, running a hand through your hair.

“What if our hair matched?” You asked.

“What do you mean?” He replied.

“Like what if I dyed my hair the same color as yours?” You questioned, and that woke him right up, even though he was previously a little tired.

“You wanna have matching hair colors?” He asked, and you nodded.

“Sure, if you’ll help me dye it,” you said, turning so you could look up at him.

“Of course, baby,” Kirishima said, kissing your forehead, “We can do it tomorrow? Okay?”

“Okay, night, love you,” you said, leaning back onto his chest and yawning.

“Love you too,” he replied, smiling at you wanting to dye your hair like his.

The next day, you and Eijiro were in the bathroom, and you were watching in the mirror as he used a brush to spread the dye on your hair. You were wearing the shirt that he always wore when he dyed his hair, since it was already stained with the red hair dye that he used for his own hair.

“How much longer will this take?” You questioned, making eye contact with Kirishima in the mirror.

“Don’t be impatient, Y/n. Having hair as great of a color as mine takes a bit,” he said, causing you to roll your eyes.

“It can’t take that long,” you said, “I’m bored.”

“We’ll be done soon, Y/n, just be patient,” Kirishima said, placing the brush back into the bowl with the dye in it. 

Finally, after about another hour, you were done with your hair, Kirishima helped you dry it and now you were observing yourself in the mirror.

“It looks great, Y/n!” Kirishima exclaimed, cleaning up the area where you were dying it.

“Do I look good?” You asked, looking at it from different angles in the mirror.

“Of course you do, you would look great whatever color you dyed your hair,” he said, looking in the mirror beside you, “Plus now we match!”

“Yeah,” you said, smiling, and turning your boyfriend. You leaned up and gave him a kiss on the lips, and then pulled away smiling.

“Can I try spiking it up too?” Kirishima asked, and you rolled your eyes.

“Will that make you happy?” You questioned, and he nodded, smiling, with his eyes big and full of hope.

“Alright fine,” you replied, letting him stand beside you and mess with your hair again.

Shoto Todoroki:

“Hey, Shoto, is there any reason Y/n’s been in the bathroom for the past few hours?” Fuyumi asked, stepping into her younger brother’s room. Shoto shrugged at her question, before speaking.

“She didn’t say, she just said I’d probably like it and that it was a surprise,” Shoto replied, looking back at his work.

“Oh, okay,” Fuyumi responded, stepping out and almost running into you in the process, “Oh sorry Y/n, I-oh my gosh.”

“Does it look good?” You asked, as she observed your hair, now dyed half red and half white.

“Yeah, it looks good, you better go show Shoto,” she said, letting you go past her into Shoto’s room.

“Alright, Sho, the surprise is ready,” you said, smiling as your boyfriend lifted his head up.

“Alright, what...” Shoto trailed off when he saw your hair. He stood up not saying a word and approaching you. He took a strand between his fingers and played with it, “It looks like my hair.”

“Yeah, do you like it? I thought we could match,” you said, smiling. Shoto gave you a small smile in response, and kissed your forehead, before speaking.

“It looks amazing, love,” he said, after pulling away, “But what made you want to do this?”

“Well, I’ve been wanting to change my hair up for a while, and then somehow I got this idea and here we are,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders. 

“It looks good,” he said, “Now, would you like to cuddle so I can enjoy how soft your new hair is?”

Denki Kaminari:

Denki sat on the couch, playing on his phone as he waited for you to come home from the salon. Earlier that day you had informed him you were dying your hair, but you wouldn’t tell him what color, so he was left to wonder what color you were getting done.

As soon as the front door opened, his head snapped over and to you. His eyes went wide and he smiled at your dyed hair that was obviously meant to resemble his.

“Wow, Y/n! Get over here!” He called, and you took off your shoes, before approaching him. He pulled you onto his lap and kissed you, tangling his hand through your hair. After a minute, you pulled away.

“I get my hair dyed and the first thing you do is make out with me?” You questioned, and he nodded.

“Yeah! It looks so good,” he said, staring at the freshly dyed strands of hair, before looking back to your eyes, and pulling you in for another kiss. Then, he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours, “I love it, now we can be matching.”

“Yeah! That was the point,” you replied, smiling.

“Wait! We need to take a photo so I can set it as my profile photo!” He exclaimed, grabbing his phone and making you sit on the couch beside him, he pulled the phone away, and readjusted it until it was at a good angle, before speaking, “Smile!” He then snapped the photo of you two smiling, and went to set it as his profile photo on a few different social media apps. After he was done, he set the phone to the side, and pulled your back into his arms. He forced you to lay your head on his chest, and let him run his hands through your newly dyed hair.

[newtonsheffield]

Hey Molly!!

I had to watch the finale of one of my favorite TV shows where they killed off the female lead right after she got together with the guy we’ve all been waiting for her to get together with - for 8 years.

It was depressing as heck! But you saved my depressed little heart with Anniversary so first off thank you so much for this awesomeness of an AU, I honestly can’t get enough of it!! ♥️

I read this interesting fic the other day and I was wondering if we could see something along these lines in the BSCU?

Forgive me if this sounds like super weird and feel free to ignore it but I’m a weirdo who likes a touch of angst mixed with the fluff ahhh

Kate gets appendicitis? Anthony is freaked out? Then fluff!

But again, sorry for such a weird ask! You don’t have to do it!!

As always thanks for being so amazing!

You’re truly the best ♥️

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Ugh! I hate when they ruin ships like that! Like thanks for wasting my time!!!

I'm so glad Anniversary made you feel better though!

Ooof Imagine Anthony going absolutely spare because his girlfriend just kind of doubled over and then went really clammy and like it's not because he said he wanted to marry her right?!

(Let's see if it is!)

Anthony couldn't quite put his finger on it, but Kate had been acting a little oddly this morning. They'd been laying in bed this morning, Anthony's arm cushioning Kate's head as she scrolled through social media. "Ugh! Fucking Hell!" Kate had groaned, rolling her eyes. Anthony had made a humming noise looking up from nuzzling at her collarbone. "A girl I went to school with just got married." She said a little scathingly. Anthony had felt his eyebrows raise, "And we hate that because?" His heart thrumming wildly, surely she wasn't upset because she wasn't-? "We hate that because she used to trip me in the hallway, and she also had guests sign their initials on a bird house. I would die." Kate said a little primly. Laughter bubbled in Anthony's chest, echoing through his bedroom. "I promise when we get married, there won't be a bird house in sight." He said unthinkingly. Kate stilled for a moment and then stood from his bed wincing slightly.

"I have to go to Mary's. I promised I'd help her with some stuff." She said quickly, making her way towards the bathroom, leaving Anthony in their bed wondering what on earth had happened.

He'd been making breakfast when she came downstairs, looking a little peaky as he slid the plate towards her, eggs and toast piled high. "Sorry, I'm gonna skip it. I'm feeling a little queasy, and I was just a little sick when I got changed." Anthony felt his brow furrow, anxiety bubbling in his stomach. "I better head off." "Are you sure you should go to Mary's?" concern colouring his voice, his hand reaching out for her forehead. "Anthony, I'm fine. It's probably just... my period starting or... not that I'll be fine." She said swatting his hand away. Kissing his cheek quickly "I'll be back later." "I love you." Anthony called out as she waved back at him.

Anthony spent all morning trying to busy himself around the house. Kate had left in such a rush, she hadn't even looked at her breakfast, had swatted his hands away and as pathetic as it was, he couldn't remember the last time she'd left the house without telling him he loved her. God, had his stupid comment about getting married made her panic? He wanted to marry her, he was certain and they lived together but maybe they weren't at the stage in their relationship where you could casually mention a wedding that hadn't technically been proposed yet. No, he was being ridiculous, he told himself, She'd said she was feeling unwell, she'd been sick, she was feeling queasy this... morning. Oh god. Kate was pregnant. Something fluttered in his stomach at the thought. Would it really be so terrible if she was? They were committed and he was sure that-

His descent into madness was stopped by his phone ringing Edwina Sheffield (Kate from Work's sister) flashing on the screen a smile coming to his face at the joke. "Hey Anthony," Edwina said quickly, continuing before Anthony greet her. "Um I'm going to need you not to panic but Mum and I are just driving Kate to A&E." Anthony's heart stopped he could hear Kate's voice in the background "For fuck's sake Eddie don't tell him like that!" A scuffle for the phone as Anthony fought for breath, panic welling up inside him. "Honey, please don't panic." Kate's voice winced, Anthony's panic abated only very slightly. "Don't panic?! Kate what happened?!" He choked out. "Please don't be mad, but I think I have appendicitis? Can you just come to the hospital?" Anthony was out the door before she could even tell him where.

He burst through the accident and emergency doors startling the desk nurse. "Um Hi," He said his voice high, his breath wrenching from his chest. "My ah.. my wife's mum brought her in a short while ago? Kate Sheffield?!" "Anthony?" Edwina's voice called out from behind the desk, gesturing him through. Anthony shot an apologetic look at the bemused nurse as he skirted around the desk following after Edwina. "So Kate's your wife huh?" Edwina said smirking, nudging his shoulder with her own. Anthony's eyes bulged as he realised what he'd said, floundering a little. 'Shut up, Eddie. Anyway, she might be dying. Hardly the moment for a romantic proposal." He quipped, his stomach rolling. Edwina fixed him with shrewd stare. "Is there going to be a romantic proposal?"

Anthony shrugged, unable to trust the words that would come out of his mouth for a moment. "Probably." Edwina smiled brightly. "Kate's fine by the way. She's being prepped for surgery which means she's a little...high honestly. She's high as a kite." Edwina said pulling back the curtain with a flourish to reveal Mary attempting to wrestle Kate back into bed. "I'm fine Mary promise I just wanna go home to Anthony and our dog!" Kate was saying her voice a little high. Mary sighed. "Katie, when the morphine wears off I think you'll feel differently." "Anthony!" Kate yelled suddenly realising he'd arrived. And Anthony felt himself relax just a little though worry still swirled in his stomach, he didn't have time to worry about himself.

"Katie, can you get back in bed for me?" He said softly, coaxing her back under the covers. "Mary Anthony came! I love Anthony!" Kate sing-songed happily taking his hand. Mary smiled gently. "I know Katie." "Anthony! They're gonna take out my appendix!" Kate said brightly, as though it was the best news she'd ever heard. Anthony chuckled as he ran his hands through her hair. "Do you wanna know a secret?" Kate said in what Anthony was sure was supposed to be a whisper. He nodded suddenly afraid of what she'd say as he sister watched on with amusement. "It's a really good one." She sing songed again. "Before the pain started, I thought I was pregnant!" Anthony's heart stopped as Mary let out an odd squeak Edwina a loud cackle.

"And like I wasn't even mad about it because I wanna have a baby with you! It would be so cute! It might have curly hair, and maybe your nose and your angry little eyebrows!" Kate said happily her finger running over his brows forcing them to frown as she chuckled. "Mary Don't you think my baby with Anthony would be so CUTE?!" "Okay! We're ready for you now!" A Nurse said making to wheel the bed away. "Just maybe think about it!" Kate said happily. "Kate I would love to have this conversation when you aren't high." Anthony said kissing her forehead lightly, his heart pounding as his girlfriend was wheeled down the ward yelling out "I'm not high thank you!"

"Please tell me I didn't say anything too terrible." Kate winced when she woke up, looking ruefully at her jelly as Anthony fussed around her. "Mmmm you just told Mary and Edwina how badly you want to have a baby with me." Anthony chuckled fluffing her pillows. Kate froze, her spoon halfway to her mouth. "You're fucking kidding." "Oh but I'm not. You want it to have my and I quote Angry Eyebrows." Anthony laughed settling himself on the bed beside her. Kate huffed, her eyes darting to him furtively, clearly gauging his reaction. "Well I'm not... opposed to the idea." Anthony's stomach dropped again. He cleared his throat. "Me either." He saw Kate's shoulders relax a smile threatening to burst onto her face. "I might let you recover from this surgery first though." "Oh my god, such a gentleman. Catch me I'm swooning."

[gothicprep]

was reading your post on how portraying teenagers as Sexual Beings in media perpetuates social anxiety and feeling like you’ve fallen behind everyone else and just want to say that as someone currently a teenager and in pretty much the age of every YA character ever, it’s constantly strange to juxtapose my personal romantic experiences (literally nothing) with those of book characters my age (extremely serious sexual and emotional relationships)

idk I just think that watching people my age throw themselves into relationships less out of genuine desire and more because they feel like they need to be in one seems so harmful, and i’ve watched my friends suffer as a result bc they never tend to be emotionally fulfilling or good in any way? a bit like a personal obligation they’ve put upon themselves that they don’t get anything out of by the end of it

sorry idrk where this was going but I very rarely see people talk about what you were talking about there and just wanted to a) thank you because i’m ngl it’s a little personally reassuring as someone that Is That Age and Has Those Worries and b) say that i agree that media that unnecessarily ages people down to then reflect unrealistic high school standards is pretty harmful to a lot of kids’ mental health (as i watch a lot of my friends go through these experiences) and it’s funny to me that we as a society don’t discuss this more often

hey, i'm happy that post was cathartic for you. & i'm happy that i could provide some comfort in regards to teenager social pressure to be Having These Super Fucking Heavy Experiences That Don't At All Align With The Reality of Most Young People.

but since you mentioned the "relationships for the sake of Doing the Thing" issue, i'd like to return to that thought for a second

I knew/was close with a lot of people who engaged with that when i was younger and i genuinely believe it was damaging to them, & frankly, did weird shit to me mentally by seeing it and thinking that was average. it's palpable. i spent two or so years legitimately believing i was asexual because i was really uncomfortable with behavior i witnessed in my proximity, related to wanting to get deeply into relationships, but without any sort of emotional draw to that person, mainly fueled by a desire to have sex for the first time. i knew something was very off back then, but being much older and having a decently long & serious relationship now... jesus. this wasn't a good way to be. and this is probably tangentially related, but a lot of those people got married and had kids when they were too young to properly attend to those responsibilities and now they're feeling the heat from that.

so i want to let my younger followers know that they can and should move at their own pace with relationships and life milestones. you'll be fine. promise. you're best off to work on yourself and do things at a pace that you personally feel comfortable with. i swore off relationships for a lot of my 20s, and even without that experience, i'm fine. i promise i'm okay. i'm generally happy, and i feel better operating within my comfort levels rather than outside pressures. you really need to let your happiness guide you, not "i should be..."

thoughts like that will fuck you up. do what feels natural. challenge yourself, sure, but operate on the basis of striving towards what you actually want

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

[yanderepuck]

The mansion in the 21st century

For the sake of our sanity we are going assume they are all still alive in the 21st century since we don't know when everyone was turned (just that Will was first)

We're also gonna pretend that Sebas is still around(I don't think he'd accept being a vampire???? But for the sake of this he's gonna be here)

Arthur is his full whore self and is with guys and gals. He put the bi in bitch

Leonardo is also bi(historically there's no record of him ever being with a woman)

Imagine the shit posts on social media

Arthur has an Instagram and he posts about everyone's life, even using their names, but no one takes it series

A few times a week Arthur does something called "where is Leonardo sleeping today?"

Vincent uses tiktok for art

Theo has been able to get in contact with more artists all over and be able to sell their art. It's made it a lot easier for him and even though it's a lot more work he enjoys it

Dazai is also a shit poster, only he asks weird things that keep you up at night

But Dazai also publishes short stories. Probs has a blog.

I could also see Dazai basically running an animal shelter in the back yard. He gives off Disney princess vibes. Only it's like ducks, a bunch of birds. A horse or two and some sheep.

Will has probably moved back into the mansion since everything he has done has been forgotten by society.

He finds it odd how kids in schools study is plays and have to analyze it. He's just like "everyone's gay and every other line is a dick joke???" But he still doesn't speak normal.

LEONARDO GOT BACK INTO PAINTING.

Leonardo and Vinc would both have a tik tok and Instagram to show off their work and their hella popular

Isaac wanted to keep a low profile, but since the internet isn't face to face with people, he's able to publish his findings without having to actually deal with society. He's just social awkward okay

Sebastian also has a blog. He calls everyone his roommates and he's like "you'll never guess what my roommate did today"

Arthur collects mugs.

During that Italian hand meme, everyone paid more attention to Leonardo to see how often he does it

He does it too often and he doesn’t realize it

At some point Dazai HAS yelled “DO IT FOR THE VINE”

He was probably yelling at Theo

Want to know whats really dangerous?

Shakespeare learning modern slang

No one in the mansion knows what he’s talking about in the first place.  Then suddenly he goes “For never was a story of more woe.  O bard Alexa, play us  Despacito”(I will not take credit for that.  I remember reading that phrase LONG ago)

Isaac says “Me” “Same” and “Mood” a lot

He sees garbage on the ground and goes “It’s me”

Dazai is into anime don’t @ me

Also. Napoleon is also bi as all hell

Drunk or not him and Sebas have made lip contact at least once

Imagine what Mozart could do with music now.

He still loves his piano.  Nothing is better than physically playing an instrument

He probs went viral for a hot minute when Arthur posted a video of him playing piano

Comte is even more of a tired mom.

HE’D SO BE A PINTEREST PERSON

You know how people make board for their friends?

He does that with everyone in the mansion

I honestly know nothing about Jean and Napoleon.  I’m sorry for their lack of content. Plz add things for them.

Imagine everyone playing Mario Kart

Not every week because they all have lives outside the mansion.  But at least once a month they have a game night

None of them are really TV people.  They’ll watch movies but that’s about it

They’d all watch documentaries on themselves, and point out everything that is wrong, and even be like “where the fuck did they get that from?”

Because I have watched documentaries on him.  Often a Da Vinci documentary will mention was arrest with sleeping with another guy.  The rest of the guys are waiting for him to call that  bullshit and he’s just sitting there eating popcorn.

Meanwhile Will is in the back like “Eyy! Me too!”

“Did that really happen?”

“What?  Me getting arrested?  Yeah”

“No, well yes, but did you sleep with another guy?”

“Yeah”

“Was he worth it?”

“I don’t know which one their talking about”

Chaotic bisexuals everywhere

Arthur however has watched the BBC Sherlock series. 

Arthur and Dazai would probs watch the most tv out of all of them.

I say this cause Dazai would be into anime and Arthur got hooked on NCIS

Arthur write quite a bit of short stories that he’s gotten published

Will would love that goddamn Leonardo DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet.  I hate that movie with a passion

Also, I can’t imagine how many jokes they’ve managed to come up with about Leonardo DiCaprio to Leonardo.

If Arthur and Mozart can stay up for days with coffee, imagine what an energy drink would do to them

All of them in modern fashion???? HOT DAMN

Will likes the Titanic 

I see Theo being the one that’s into MARVEL and DC movies

Imagine showing Vinc Bob Ross

Leonardo and Isaac are Tony Stark(Ironman) and Bruce Banner(Hulk)

Everyone in the mansion is into conspiracy theories .

Comte himself is a conspiracy theory 

One night Napoleon is like “Guys.  Look.  Aliens” and they all watch conspiracy theory videos.

It’s the one thing they can all agree on that they have in common

Vinc and Leonardo also enjoy pinterest  because of all the art/crafting/diy things they find.

Arthur 100% listens to ebooks

THE MANSION IS A POKEMON GO GYM.  But they aren’t all on the same team so battling can get serious some days

They all still have pets

Honestly.  At any point in time, not just modern.  They made fun of each others accents.

Lets be real.  Will would end up liking anime too

SNapchat filters on the guys??  The dog filter on Theo??? Flower crown on Vinc???  Face swapping everyone with everyone???

One of them is bound to have a candle obsession and I want to say its Comte.  Only he buys them and doesn’t burn them.  Sebas ends up slowly taking candles from the stash and burning them in a few rooms.

The music room smells like chocolate but Mozart can’t find the candle.

Leonardo's room is even more cluttered.  He has too many hobbies.

Vinc making his own paint???  I’d love.

Theo and Arthur cried a little when their favorite bar shut down.

Masterlist

[jalapeno-princess]

Through His Eyes

(Y’all, look at the deep v-neck in the suit might as well take it off Tuan)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Genre: Adorable fluff (tiny bit of angst and insecurities) oh and a couple mentions of body praise (and a couple descriptions of sex but very few)

Summary: Mark being the most supportive, patient, understanding and golden-hearted boyfriend we all deserve.

A/N: So, I wrote this in less than twenty minutes. I was on instagram and I began scrolling through my explore page and stumbled across a few girls who I think are so pretty and I began picking apart my entire being and I started to think so low about myself and I hate degrading myself so much because of what I see on social media so I ended up writing a quick little imagine based on what I just went through and ugh, what I would do to have a boyfriend like Mark in this story (or just like Mark in general I can feel it in my ass that he’s like this towards the lucky person who ends up receiving his love @ God...When? Hahahaha) anyways, I just want to let you all know that you are all beautiful in your own ways and the right person will love you just the way you are! I need to keep reminding that to myself. Enjoy!

“Hey Mark?”

After a hectic week of work with both of your schedules colliding, you and your boyfriend Mark finally had a day off where you could spend your time together doing whatever it is your hearts desired. Today, since you were both exhausted from the many hours of overtime you completed, Mark suggested that you’d just laze around your shared apartment doing your own things while basking in each other’s presence.

You were currently propped up on your bed, leaning against the headboard scrolling through your social media accounts while he was sat in between your legs, his head was heavy against your chest while he played the latest installment of call of duty, but it didn’t matter. You loved having him so close to you and your heart fluttered each time he looked up at you and nonverbally hinted towards wanting a kiss.

Although a small part of you wanted to do something a little more romantic like go to the beach and watch the sunset or dress up for a night on the town, you loved being in an environment where you could be yourself without having to worry about what others thought about you. You also enjoyed the alone time with your boyfriend. Even if the two of you live together, you hardly got to see him other than right before you went to bed.

He hummed gently in curiosity at your sudden call of his name, but continued to flick at the controller angrily. A small giggle fell from your lips at his tiny little grunt when he got killed in the game. For someone who was extremely soft spoken and gentle, he was a completely different person while playing video games. It’s as if the only time Mark would ever get mad was whenever he had a game console in his hands. You took a deep breath, afraid of his reaction after past experience of being in a situation like this and finally placed your phone in front of him.

“Do you think she’s pretty?”

You may not have been able to see him since the position the two of you were sitting in prevented you from doing so, but you’ve been dating Mark for long enough to know that he probably took a quick glance because he did not stop shooting at the bad guys at all.

“Hmm—She’s alright.”

He continued to play the game as if you didn’t just ask him what he thought about another girl and you couldn’t help but grow curious. You thought this girl was extremely pretty, and by the many comments she got on the photo, you knew many people agreed with you. However, hearing that Mark didn’t think much of her to even bat an eye at her photo made your cheeks warm.

From time to time, you’d find yourself wondering if Mark ever regretted getting in to a relationship with you. When he first asked you to be his girlfriend almost three years ago, you thought he was just playing around with you. But he made it painfully obvious that he harbored feelings for you and reminded you every single day that he loved you with his entire being.

No matter how many times he would compliment you not only on your beauty, but on your personality, intelligence and your heart, you still felt extremely insecure and always compared yourself to the girls you’d see on Instagram. At one point, Mark took away your phone to get you to stop obsessing over other woman you’d see on social media because he hated that you thought so low of yourself. It was hard for him as your boyfriend hearing you degrade yourself because he thought the world of you.

He tried his best to be patient with you and he knew that insecurities were normal because there were a couple of things he wished he could change about himself too. Yet, it always upset him hearing that you wish you could look like these girls whom he was sure heavily edited their photos before posting them and he had a feeling they didn’t look like that in real life. A few minutes later, you returned your phone back in to his face and asked about a different girl.

“What about her? What do you think about her?” He released a sigh before shrugging. Mark tried his best to not get angry on you or take out his frustrations on you nor did the two of you ever really have any arguments in the duration of your relationship; but if you did ever disagree it was on the topic of how you looked.

Sometimes Mark would blame your insecurities on himself; was he not complementing you enough? Was he not showing love to your body the right way while the two of you would have sex? Did he say something to make you feel like you weren’t pretty? He could never put his finger on it. All he could do was sit there and listen to you complain about things he knew weren’t true because he didn’t want fights to break out for something so minuscule and not worth fighting for.

“I don’t think about her. Now, this level is going to need all my attention babe, so give me a few minutes without any interruptions please?”

You nodded in agreement; but you felt bad for doing this to him. You couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like you enjoyed doing this. Who wanted to hear what their boyfriend had to say about other women? What girl in their right minds would continue to pester their boyfriend about whether or not he thought another girl was pretty? Deep down, you wished you weren’t so insecure; you wish you could look at another girl and think “Hey, she’s pretty. But so am I.”

But you couldn’t. That wasn’t who you were. If a girl had a nice body, you’d find reasons to hate on yours. Every time you’d look at a model, you wondered if they had a body Mark would prefer his significant other to have. If she had nicely shaped brows, you wondered if Mark disliked your thick, bushy ones. If she had a petite frame, you’d beat yourself up in thinking that Mark would rather have a girlfriend who was smaller than your busty and more voluptuous body.

It took you a while to come to the conclusion, but you had a mental illness and you despised yourself for allowing society to make you feel as if you weren’t beautiful. When you realized Mark succeeded and moved on to the next level, you tapped his shoulder gently and waited for him to turn around.

“Okay, last one I promise. Don’t you think she’s extremely pretty?”

Your boyfriend’s eye roll didn’t go unnoticed to you and you couldn’t stop the scoff that emerged from the back of your throat.

“Mark, I think you need to get your eyes checked. Every girl that I showed you are practically goddesses. You know, you don’t have to lie for my sake. I would rather you tell me the truth so I can work on myself and change for the better—“

“But that’s the thing y/n, you don’t have to change at all. I’m not lying for your sake. I’d be lying if I said I found any of those girls relatively pretty and you wanna know why? I completely desensitized myself towards any other girl the day I met you. You are the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen and no—I know what you are going to say. I’m not just saying that because you’re my girlfriend, I’m saying it because it’s the truth. You are so fucking beautiful y/n. Some nights I’ll stay up just looking at you in awe of how beautiful you are. Everything you claim to hate about yourself, I love profusely. Your smile could light up an entire room with how bright and contagious it is. Your nose is so cute, your dimples are so pretty, your brows; you always talk about how much you hate them but baby so many girls would kill to have them. Your cheekbones are so well defined, your eyes have this sparkle in them especially when you talk about the things that you love and don’t even get me started on your lips.”

He turned his body completely and was sitting on your lap at this point. His high pitched laughter filled the room as soon as he saw a tear fall from your cheek. One thing about Mark, although he was a man of little words but of many actions is that when he did speak, each and every word pulled on your heartstrings in the most captivating way. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before cupping both of your cheeks in his hands.

“Your heart must be so big, that there wasn’t enough room to fit it in your beautiful body that God had to put some of it in your lips. Your lips are the perfect shade of pink and they’re so soft and I love how they feel against mine. Whenever we kiss, I’m telling you, I feel butterflies swarming in my stomach every single time—look at what you’ve done to me baby. I’m a fucking ball of cheese when it comes to you but it’s because I love you so much and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I um—I also particularly enjoy the way your lips look and feel when they’re wrapped around my cock—what? You said to be honest here y/n it’s the truth. Fine, but I’m serious.”

His lips softly ghosted over yours before he finally stole a few fleeting kisses. No matter how many times the two of you would kiss, you were never able to pull away. You would proudly admit with no hesitation that you were addicted to Mark’s lips and you loved how they were always so sweet and melded perfectly with yours; like honey.

“Fuck, and your body was perfectly crafted. You always say you hate how thick your thighs are, but if I’m being honest, I love how thick they are baby. I think they are so luscious and they feel so good wrapped around my waist as I bottom in to you or when I eat out this pretty little pussy of yours, they’re like my own personal ear muffs. You have the most insane curves that every single thing you wear looks amazing on you. You could be wearing one of my baggy shirts or one of my hoodies that practically swallow you whole and I will always want to rip it off of you. You have the prettiest titties; they’re so huge, so plump and so perky. Loving on them is one of my favorite parts of sex: I particularly like gliding my dick in and out of them, but I also like seeing your nipples harden whenever I pinch and twist at them or when I bring one of your breasts in my mouth. And shit, whenever you wear low cut tops, I have to prevent myself from fucking you senseless no matter where we are. Oh, and your ass is a masterpiece. I love how it bounces against by cock whenever I take you from the back, I enjoy slapping them when you’re naughty and fuck, massaging both your cheeks is a dream. Wow, I’m surprised you didn’t hit me like you normally would whenever I talk about how fucking sexy your body is—and I spoke too soon.” He rubbed the part of his shoulder where you shoved him all but gently and took your hands in his.

“Not only are you beautiful on the outside, but you are exceedingly beautiful on the inside to and a girl like that is rare to find. I’m sorry if I don’t remind you enough of how perfect I think you are or how much I love you, but I think the entire world of you baby. You’re it for me. You’re my person, my soulmate y/n. You’re the only girl I ever look at and want to look at for the rest of my life. So stop showing me these random women you find on twitter or instagram because you’re going to get the same response out of me every single time—wait. There is a girl I find very attractive. Give me your phone.”

You furrowed your brows and didn’t even try to hide your disappointment at his sudden change of heart. He literally just told you you’re the only girl in the world to him yet he says there’s someone else he thinks is good looking. Right as you’re about to make a comment, he hands you back your phone and you playfully roll your eyes when you see your profile.

“Damn, she’s a beauty isn’t she? Now that’s a fucking goddess, I just got hard looking at her. You think she’d respond to me if I sent her a DM?” You were quick to shove him off of you but you pushed him down on the bed and hovered over him.

“I’m sorry for always bothering you about these things Mark. I’ll try my best to stop comparing myself to other people. But I hope you know that I’m extremely grateful for all that you do and say to try and get me to learn to love myself. Don’t think you don’t compliment me enough, in fact I think you are too generous with your sweet words. I’m the stubborn one who refuses to accept it but I’ll work on it. I love you Mark, so much. I really don’t deserve you.” You stole a chaste kiss from his lips before he pulled you down so that you were chest to chest with him and snaked his arms around your waist.

“Don’t say that, you deserved the entire universe babe, and I plan on giving it to you. Now that I told you just how beautiful you are, what do you think about getting a physical demonstration? And then maybe later, you could show me just how grateful you are for me while on your knees as I shove this dick down your throat—oh, you’re gonna pay for that. I never understand why you aren’t this physical when we make love. Get back over here y/n! I’m going to make sure you can’t walk for the rest of the week once I’m done with you.”

[lexpressobean]

Parent/Teacher Night: Ch 2, Remember When

In which Shino recalls some thens and compares them to the nows, and gets inspired to change some things with Kiba's encouragement.

*Modern AU, Swearing

**You can find this on AO3 now too, along with the first chapter. Let's gooooooooo!!!

•••

"He asked to trade numbers?" Kiba repeated, pausing all motion, chopsticks mid snatch for a gyoza.

"Yes. Is that... Weird?"

"Well, no."

Kiba reached over and chose his specimen, a plump piece just asking to be dipped. Shino continued eat his steamed rice. It was okay if Kiba wanted the last of the gyoza. Shino thought he might enjoy a serving of the restaurant's ice-cream after he finished his meat instead.

"But even I don't have Shikamaru's number. Least not his current one."

"You don't?"

"Nah," Kiba took in the gyoza whole and spoke as he chewed, "but ah neber bothered doo update it, I hab 'im on my socials anyway."

"Oh."

He swallowed, "But you didn't even have any kind of social media until later in college. You were late to the game!"

"I didn't see the point then..."

"And that's fine. He probably doesn't even know you have them now. But you know he's been pretty absent from social media too. Figures."

"According to Ino, he's been back in town since April."

"Well of course Ino would know, she's always been in everyone else's business. Especially Shikamaru's, and Choji's too!"

Shino silently made a face, distorting the corner of his mouth as if reluctant to agree, but Kiba barked out a laugh when he caught him.

"It's true though, isn't it!? You would know, Shino!"

Shino didn't plan to be seen, but oh well, "I think it's just her way of showing she cares. Those three are practically family, aren't they?"

Kiba sighed and rolled his eyes, "Listen, dude, just cause you 'dated' her for a couple of years back in college doesn't mean you have to be nice after the fact. It's okay! She has her manipulative bitchy side too. How else could she make it as a therapist."

"Psychiatrist."

"That."

Kiba emphasized the word "dated" in such a way that caused Shino to scowl. Geez, if Ino didn't insist on sharing pictures online...

"Don't invalidate my opinions just because you think they're biased, Kiba. Also, people grow from high school, don't be stuck in the past either."

"I'm not saying it's invalid, geez, but ever since you've always been soft on her..."

"Jealous?"

Kiba immediately threw a dirtied, crumpled up napkin at Shino's head as he blew raspberries in disbelief. Of course Shino dodged it.

"And that!" Kiba almost yelled, though he had a huge smile on his face, "You're sass meter has been off the charts since then!"

"I thought I was just asking a question," Shino simply replied, though he smiled too.

"Fucking jerk," he crossed his arms and closed his eyes, sighing dreamily, "Why would I be jealous when I'm with Tamaki now?"

Shino suppressed the urge to crinkle up his nose, "I remember back in high schoo-"

"THAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL!!" Kiba interrupted, not upset but voice almost breaking in both embarrassment and amusement simultaneously, "Now who's the one stuck in the past!"

"Well anyway, I was just curious if you had heard from him recently, because this was the first time I had seen him since he was an undergrad. That was a while ago."

"Same here, bud. But then here's a thought, if he's just working these days, and he's giving out his number to old friends, maybe we should all get together sometime! So why don't you also friend him on socials while you're at it?"

Shino paused and considered the suggestion.

Shino could do that. Actually, Shino could have done so a long time ago if he had wanted to. But for all the times he had seen Shikamaru's obvious username and cloud icon, he never sent friend request himself. He created his socials for the sole purpose of studygroup based messaging and had planned to delete his social media after school ended for good. But two months in and Kiba somehow found him, and then shortly after Hinata did too. Then Naruto also found Shino and from there he actually aquired a few more friend requests, including from Lee and Sai. Even Ino sent him a friend request, though Ino and Shino had actually attended the same University in the beginning. And then she called him out on it the next time she saw him in person, because how could Shino friend nearly all their mutuals and NOT Ino? He even friended Sakura before Ino! Though, Shino had a suspicion Sakura's request may had been a result of clumsy typing. Shino definately hadn't meant anything by it, but that started a series of... interesting talks between the two. But all and all, Shino suspected that's why he saw Shikamaru's icon so often, among others he didn't quite recognize himself.

Of course Shino knew he didn't have to accept the requests at all. He could've delete them even. But... it didn't seem right to ignore them either. And maybe it felt... kinda nice being reached out to...

"I mean, shit, maybe I should shoot him a message too..." Kiba mused.

"... I was under the impression it was for Mirai's sake."

Kiba perked up, "Huh?"

"That's because a cellphone number is a personal and direct line. If Mirai is currently under my care as a student, wouldn't it make sense to have multiple contacts in case of an emergency?"

Kiba sighed. Typical Shino, "Did Shikamaru say it was strictly for emergencies only?"

"... No."

"So, Dude, maybe... just maybe, Shikamaru simply isn't aware that you have socials? I know I know... social media is meant to be for socializing, but so are direct lines! Why does a direct line have to be so off limits? You're not a stranger to Shikamaru either, Shino. I mean, if anything, he probably trusts you a lot, knowing the kind of person you've ways been. It's a personal line after all, right?"

Not a stranger, but definitely not the person closest the Shikamaru either... It didn't quite make sense beyond Mirai's safety... but, maybe that was Shino's own opinion...

"... I'm over thinking it again."

"Yup."

"... Maybe I will. I'm already friends with Ino and Choji..."

"Yeah! Just complete the trio! Here let's see..." Kiba took out his phone and started to review something, "... I think the only people you're not friends with besides Shikamaru are... Sasuke, who simply deleted everything at one point, Neji, but he really only followed me because of Hinata," Kiba added wearily, "aaand a lot of... other people... but, like, you're better off that way. I have a lot of those assholes blocked or didn't bother. Even Sasuke had been more better of an option than them!"

"Like who?"

"Like I had to block Shikamaru's psycho ex-girlfriend Tayuya. Fucking nightmare that girl was..."

"Ah... the flute player," Shino wasn't all that to date back in the day either, but even he knew about Tayuya...

"Sure that was YEARS ago, and maybe she's different now? But she was... not okay then. To be fair, Shikamaru wasn't blameless, but cripes... After the break-up she was constantly stalking him online... I've just kept her blocked for good measure, I don't know if she's still even there."

Another reason Shino didn't want social media at the time... It made it too easy to let people in. In all honesty the idea had felt overwhelming, and sometimes still does...

"So you're good there."

"Sasuke, Shikamaru, Neji..."

"... Anyone else?"

"... I think those are the last few people from back then I'd actually tolerate. Shikamaru had been your friend, and Sasuke... wasn't always so aloof before he disappeared... And then Neji is Hinata's cousin..."

"Ha! Perfect! So then why not friend Neji too, just for the hell of it? You two had some kind of bro pact, I do remember that."

"He just worried about Hinata, Kiba. Between you and Naruto, I could see why."

"Sue me Shino, it's not my fault the school was full of cute girls!" Kiba nearly whined, but with a ridiculously dopey smile on his face.

It made Shino think. Shikamaru was one of the only people he more regularly saw who didn't reach out to him. But of course Shikamaru had a problem with a stalker at one point. That would make anyone weary of social media. Kiba had even stated he wasn't on much. Shino couldn't fault him for that.

Sasuke apparently deleted his, but it wasn't like they were the closet to begin with, despite humble beginnings. Shino had his fair share of complaints when it came to Sasuke, but when he transferred to a different school before senior year started, even Shino felt his absence.

And recalling high school, Neji did once ask for Shino's socials before. But it was obviously for the same reason of wanting to keep extra tabs on his little cousin and her "new friends" in Environmental Club. Shino had already explained he didn't have any, and he wasn't sure Neji believed him, but had agreed to be very careful with Hinata, who had started to hang out with he and Kiba more after they returned her book she had left in the club classroom. Shino kept it as Kiba was terribly tempted to take a peek, but once it had been returned, and Kiba expressed his curiosity, Hinata shyly presented them with page after page of pressed flowers, all marked with name, date, and little tidbits of info. She became even more bashful at Kiba's amazement and Shino's praise. It was just very well organized and aesthetically pleasing, something she and Ino would bond over later into their friendships.

So then, it was very surprising to know that such a timid girl had an incredible amount of skill in Martial Arts, but had opted to join Environment Club instead of Martial Arts Club. It was less of a shock to find out she and the school's Number One MAC member were related, first cousins even. They had a strong resemblance to each other.

As for Shino and Neji, their mutual fondness for Hinata became a source of camaraderie at some point. Despite expectations and Neji's sterness, all he really wanted was for Hinata to simply have fun during school, and he very much appreciated Shino looking out for her. So Kiba wasn't wrong. And in current time, Hinata had ultimately decided she was gonna live out of town due to... many reasons, but mainly because of her job as a pastry chef in a very successful and family owned cafe and bakery. Of course cinnamon rolls were her specialty, but Shino's feed always had some of the most delightful pictures of various decorated confections, most made by her too. He wasn't the biggest fan of sweets in general, but he was very fond of her handy work. You could tell she loved her job with every detail.

"Crap! Hey Shino, did you wanna order anything to go?"

"Uh, no. I think that was enough."

"Alright cause it's about time I go meet Tamaki," Kiba grinned, "Here's my part!"

Kiba slammed a twenty dollar bill down onto the table and hurriedly put his jacket back on. When Shino looked at the time it was nearly half past six. Oh, the reservation was made for seven. Maybe he talked too much.

"We might've pushed it, Kiba."

"No way, it's fine! I mean I don't mind going if that's where she wants to go, but you know how fancy places are! I need food Shino, actual food!"

Shino was glad that his friend was putting in so much effort for this girl. It seemed like he really liked her, and she was pretty cute, and also... nice. But when it came to things like this, Shino wasn't sure how long this was really gonna last. But it probably wasn't his place to comment.

"Make sure Akamaru takes his medicine, he'll definitely down it if you give him the peanut butter too."

"Sure, no problem."

"Also, Shino."

"Yes?"

"Seriously, don't be so shy! Just friend them!"

"Stop dawdling, you're gonna be late."

Kiba laughed as he waved and nearly jogged out of the restaurant. After paying and boxing the rest of Kibas plate for later (Shino was sure his idiot friend was gonna be hungry again) Shino headed out to Kiba's apartment. He already had a key, ever since he had come back to town. They had always been close like that, though with these new developments Shino always made it a point to give Kiba space and a heads up.

Akamaru was getting old. This medicine was supposed to help him in his old age, and just as Kiba said, Akamaru took the medication with no problem. Shino also made sure that the bowls were full of water and food. Because there was now also Akemaru, a younger dog of the same breed that Kiba had come across one day at the shelter. After only a few weeks and no adoptions, Kiba couldn't resist and ended up adopting him, and he and Akamaru became very close. As a favor to their otherwise absent owner, Shino got the younger and more energetic dog ready for a walk. When Shino offered to take Akamaru, the old boy wagged his tail and came to lick Shino's hand, but then retreated back to his bed and laid down. Looks like that was gonna be a pass, but he was thankful for the offer.

...

Shit.

Okay. Okay, that was it. Actually, this was perfect. Before Shino really started the walk, he pulled out his phone. He scrolled through he recommended friends list of his most commonly used social and easily found the cloud icon that belonged to Shikamaru. It was the same app he even had people like Kurenai and his father on. Just being able to keep anyone of relevance to his social circles on the same app was fine. It kept them close, but not too close either. Available, but at a distance. The only other people who had Shino's personal line were Kiba, Hinata, Kurenai, his father Shibi, Torune and Neji.

Shino hadn't mentioned that to Kiba, but in reality, they hadn't kept much contact anyway. So Shino hoped Kiba didn't snoop his friends list later, but he decidedly sent Shikamaru a friend request and put his phone away into a pocket. Then after switching out his glasses, as to see better in the evening, he left the apartment and began his walk with Akemaru. This would definitely keep him from getting too anxious about it. Shino didn't really know why he was like this, but it was done and now it was up the Shikamaru if he really wanted to catch up. Not that there was a whole lot to catch up on. He was more Kiba's friend after all, always had been, but Shino was sure Kiba didn't really think about that kind if thing too deeply.

Thankfully there was a park a couple blocks down, which even in the evening looked easy to navigate. The air was fresh and chilly, but tolerable with his coat on. Akemaru was good on a leash, and so Shino was able to keep a steady but not rushed pace. He followed a predetermined path, one Shino was actually familiar with too and so he was able to relax as his body went into coast mode.

...

It was nice. Just focusing on the walk. But Shino couldn't help thinking back to his high school days too. Seeing Shikamaru hadn't really been a shock so much as a surprise. He definitely... grew. His voice was deeper. His hair seemed more or less the same length, but maybe looked longer as now he styled it differently. Instead of the low and rather disheveled ponytail he used to wear, he now kept it only half up it looked like. Shino didn't think it looked bad at all, but with some loose strands in his face and the more casual clothes he had been wearing, Shino really wondered if Shikamaru wasn't more or less dragged last minute to PTN. But maybe he was thinking of the Shikamaru from before. Because this Shikamaru was actually... really approachable. And very kind with his words. Maybe that's what growing up some did to people.

Because the one from before was always annoyed, and grumpy, and quiet unless spoken to, yet Naruto and his shenanigans always put a mischievous smirk on his face. Shino had found him a little intimidating. But it wasn't until Kiba and Naruto decided to drag Shino AND Hinata out to a lunchtime hangout and pretty much threw them into the mix of different friends they shared that Shino met Shikamaru, as well as most everyone else. Shino had recognized Ino, and Ino did too after he mentioned Torune, seeing as Torune and Foo both graduated the year before.

"Torune? Like, short black hair, really thick glasses?"

"He has green eyes too."

"Hey, yeah! You're my cousin's boyfriend's cousin! What a small world!"

It was pretty lame introduction.

"And... you're Ino, right?"

"Wow, Ino, he remembered you!" a pink haired girl chastised.

"Oh, shut up, Forehead, it's not like we ever really hung out before. I think we met, like, once at one of Foo's birthdays?"

"That's true," Shino agreed, "I just went for the drive to drop off his present since that day he couldn't stay. You're mom insisted on giving us goodie bags anyway before we left."

"Ugh, good, our parents always go over the top with the decorations and stuff, believe me!"

"Ino, you are over the top."

"Shikamaru, no one was talking to you!"

"Wait, wait wait, your cousin Foo has a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, what of it," Ino immediately scowled at Kiba.

It made Kiba shut up immediately, but then he turned to Shino and whispered, "Hey, is your cousin gay?"

Shino shrugged, "I didn't ask, but it's none of my business." He was. Shino had known but Torune never outright told him they were officially dating. So as far as he was concerned it was a mystery.

"What about you, Hinata, I don't think we've met before. I'm Sakura."

"Um, hello-"

"Actually! We're in Home Ec together!" another boy munching on chips said, "She made the best cinnamon rolls in class the other day!"

Hinata blushed, "Ah, thank-you, Choji..."

"Cinnoman rolls!? I saw that that roll! Hinata, that was yours!?" Naruto asked, super impressed.

She only blushed even harder, "It might've been...!?"

"It was!" Choji confirmed.

"Naruto stop crowding already!" Sakura scolded, poking him against the side of his forehead, "You can be so loud!"

"Augh, alright, Sakura stop!"

It had actually been a relatively friction free integration. Hinata and the girls got along faster than he would've guessed, and later Shino and Sasuke would meet again, with Naruto giving Shino a suspicious stink-eye.

"We've been in the same classes since elementary school," Shino commented, "You have to really go out of your way to ignore someone for that long..."

"Hn..." As friendly as always...

...

From then on, Kiba always insisted on Shino and Hinata joining them at lunch, which Shino did. But Shino couldn't quite fathom the idea of sacrificing his after school time to go to out and do... well, who even knew? Back then, he had a routine, he had things to tend to back home. His terrariums that his father put him in charge of, his guitar practice because he wasn't about to let those lessons go to waste, his study time, and planning for EC activities as he was a more involved member, he was already a busy guy. At least that's what he used to think. But he would be a sad ass liar if he didn't appreciate the invitations. Towards the end he broke a few time at his father's insistence. He was mentally drained each time, but he did have fun, and Kiba always seemed excited to recall the events with Shino after.

Once he had attended collage, Shino really wished he would have taken more time to simply enjoy a more decent social life with the people he called friends at school outside of school. Was he too shy? Was he too selective? Was he socially inept? It didn't matter now. It wasn't until Shino's very first job that he felt like he got to a level he wished he could've reached sooner. Being a cashier at a fast food chain really taught you how to handle and tolerate people, and definitely brought Shino out if his shell more than he would've ever thought. College in general did a lot for him in that respect.

... Kiba was right. If old friends were reaching out, why couldn't Shino do the same?

Well, apparently the universe was glad he agreed, because the second he did, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

Shino stopped in place and Akemaru whined. When he checked his phone, he saw not only a "Request Accepted" message but also a simple text message as well, also from Shikamaru.

-----

Hey, can you talk? Call me if you can.

-----

Oh what the fuck.

Shino felt his nerves stand at attention with the prospect of a sudden conversation. What... What did Shikamaru even want right now? Did he really want to talk now?

... No. No, dammit, no! Not this time. Shino took a deep breath and continued to walk, much to Akemaru's delight. And as he got a steady rhythm, Shino highlighted Shikamaru's number and pressed "Call".

It was settled. If he was gonna start making up for lost time, it was now or never, awkward interactions be damned!

[thepunkbug]

Okay, so there’s a lot going on right now to do with Brendon Urie from Panic! At The Disco, and I figured I’d give my take on it.

Before I start, I should say I got most of my information from other people on social media - YouTube, Twitter, Tik Tok, and I read some articles. Because of where I got most of my information, I won’t be able to link anything, so I implore you to do your own research as well. That being said, here’s a brief rundown of what happened, with my opinion at the end.

First and foremost, Brendon has been called out for being racist. There’s a Vine of him mouthing along to the n-word, and while he didn’t outright say it, he did still mouth along to it. Being white, he had no business doing that, and he should’ve censored the word out entirely, but he didn’t. He’s since apologized and been a supporter of BLM, even going onto Twitch when George Floyd was killed, and making a post on his Instagram about how white privilege affects him, all of which can be found on YouTube or Instagram.

Secondly, he was accused of being transphobic. Most of you are probably confused because he is pansexual himself, and he wrote a song about bisexuality, and he can be found decked out in pride flags at concerts. However, there is a video of him at an interview saying the transphobic slur, and since he’s cisgender, he has no right using that word. From what I know, he was explaining his sexuality when someone asked him about it, and he quoted what someone had said to him, which included the transphobic slur. He’s since apologized on Periscope (I’m not sure if there’s a YouTube video of that or not), and as we all know, he’s been a huge advocate for LGBTQ+ rights ever since.

There’s also a video of Brendon joking about raping fans at a concert. You can find this on YouTube, where he says something along the lines of “If I see you after the show, I’m gonna fuck you. I don’t care if you want it - I care more if you don’t!” If the video isn’t edited shorter, you can also hear Dallon Weekes say “And I’m gonna watch,” though no one ever mentions that. This isn’t me trying to get Dallon cancelled. Quite frankly, I don’t like cancel culture and I think people are way too trigger happy to destroy someone’s career. My only reason for interjecting this is if you’re gonna get mad at Brendon for making that joke, then get mad at Dallon for adding onto it, too.

More recently, he’s been accused of sexually assaulting a fan. Someone on Twitter by the name of Kam retold a story of being a minor when he met Brendon, and Brendon was kissing and touching him inappropriately despite knowing he was a minor. There were also other accounts saying similar things happened to them. However, from what I know, the whole Kam thing was actually a Wattpad self-insert fanfiction that someone stole the plot of, and the multiple different accounts were actually one person, and they were lying, so there’s absolutely no evidence of Brendon sexually assaulting a minor or behaving inappropriately in that way whatsoever.

Lots of people also get upset with the Zack Hall thing. Zack Hall was Brendon’s bodyguard for a long time, and Breezy Weekes recently came out and said that Zack Hall basically sexually harassed her the entire time Dallon was in Panic!. Other people came out and said they had similar encounters with Zack Hall, and he’s now fired from Panic!. Similarly, when Kenny Harris was accused of sexually harassing/assaulting minors, he was also fired. People are upset because Brendon is remaining friends with Zack Hall, though I really don’t think that’s any of our business. As far as I see it, they’ve been close friends for years, and it’s hard to just drop that, even if they do something you disagree with. Also, Zack was fired, which is what people wanted. I think it’s dumb to hold Brendon to a friend’s actions, especially when he already fired him and removed him from fans, like everyone was asking him to do.

Also (and I’m not as well informed with this as other topics), there’s an interview somewhere of Ryan Ross being uncomfortable with Brendon’s stage gay. I’m not sure how many times they had that conversation or how often Ryan asked Brendon to not touch him or do the stage gay routine with him, or how many times Brendon disregarded that once they were onstage. Brendon should’ve respected Ryan’s wishes and not touched him the first time he was asked, but again, I don’t know the specifics here, so this is all I can comment on here.

[Edit: I had someone reach out to me in regards to the above information, and I decided to keep everything I originally wrote as context. According to them, there isn’t an interview of Ryan saying he’s uncomfortable with the stage gay, and it was all in fact scripted between the two of them. It sounds like people basically made up Ryan being uncomfortable with the act, in which case, these accusations also appear to be entirely false.] 

As we all know, Brendon struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, which literally impairs judgment and makes you do things you normally wouldn’t do. This includes saying things you shouldn’t (making rape jokes to a supposedly 18+ audience while likely drunk, high, or both) and doing things you shouldn’t (the stage gay routine). I’d also like to point out that a lot of the stuff he said at shows was probably to entertain, particularly the stage gay stuff, and there’s no way in hell you can convince me the audience didn’t eat that shit up. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did those things to get a reaction, and you know he fucking got one, so while I disapprove of him making Ryan uncomfortable, I also understand the audience there, expecting it, probably didn’t help either.

I think that’s everything. As you can see, it’s a lot of stuff, but I don’t think any of it is as bad as people say. Mouthing the n-word once doesn’t make a person racist. Saying a transphobic slur once doesn’t make a person transphobic. He especially isn’t either of these things when you take into account how he’s since apologized and shown incredible support for BLM and the LGBTQ+ community, which I think says a lot about him as a person.

This is going off track a little bit, but I think it’ll make a point. My dad grew up in the seventies, in a time where homophobia was rampant and racism was common. My dad grew up homophobic and racist, and he used homophobic slurs all the time as a teenager and a young adult. To this day, my dad has prejudiced views about race and sexuality, but he’s obviously changed his opinion since then, with education and understanding. He never apologized for the things he said back then, mostly because he isn’t famous and no one has called him out for it.

The point is, if people held my dad responsible for things he said in high school and college, when he was the most ignorant, the most sheltered, the least exposed to other people and cultures, then he’d be labeled racist and homophobic now (which he technically is, simply by virtue of being white and straight, but that’s a conversation for another time). We need to give people room to grow, give them resources to educate themselves and combat their ignorance. Brendon Urie has DONE that, multiple times! He’s never been accused of racism aside from mouthing the n-word in a Vine, which, should I remind you how old Vine is? He’s never been accused of being transphobic aside from that one time he used a slur, when he wasn’t even using his own words.

I’m not trying to excuse what he’s done. Using those slurs, making Ryan uncomfortable [edit: probably not true], joking about rape, none of those things are okay, and that’s pretty damn obvious to everyone, I think. However, it’s also evident he’s changed since then. As far as I know, he’s never used a slur since then. He’s an advocate for BLM and the LGBTQ+ community. He’s struggled with addiction, which isn’t easy for anyone, and he’s been able to grow and become a better person since then. I absolutely agree with holding him accountable for what he said and did, especially the things we don’t agree with. He’s a public figure, and he has to be aware of what he says and how his actions have consequences. That’s just how it works when you’re in the public eye.

Do I think Brendon Urie deserves to be cancelled? Absolutely not. He’s human, and all humans change. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, and ten years from now, I’ll be someone else entirely. If someone held me responsible for every mistake I ever made and completely disregarded my progress and personal growth, I’d look like a horrible person. Why aren’t we keeping that energy for Brendon? Hold him accountable. Keep him responsible for what he did. And allow him to improve. Allow him to educate himself. Allow him to better himself. Allow him to be fucking human, for fuck’s sake.

So, there’s my take. I’m still a Panic! At The Disco fan, and I’m still a huge fan of Brendon Urie himself. Unless he regresses completely and becomes Kanye West or some shit, I will continue to support him. He’s not even as problematic as some other people’s faves, so I’m not even gonna feel bad for continuing to support him. I’m acknowledging his shortcomings and recognizing his progress, because I understand that this isn’t black and white or two dimensional.

If his actions aren’t exuseable for you, then that’s fine. If you can’t be a fan of him of Panic! anymore, then that’s your decision. For me personally, I think his growth says a lot about his character, and I’m gonna continue to stick it out with him. You don’t have to like him, but quit being so close-minded about the good he’s done in all of this. It makes you look excited to destroy a person’s career, and quite frankly, I’m tired of trigger-happy, cancel culture junkies. Take it elsewhere.

[mariaiscrafting]

Thoughts on Wilbur Soot? I want a full-blown essay at least 10k words/j. All jokes aside, this is an amazing blog, I come to it every day to see if you've posted something new :]. Keep going forward OP, you're truly amazing.

That is so sweet 😢 (/gen)

I was really  gonna write, “I dunno, I just think he’s a nice dude,” but then you asked for 10k words, so now Imma actually rant. Wilbur’s probably one of the first people who got me back into Minecraft, around 2019, and he was the first person I felt comfortable enough watching the Dream SMP vods from, back in November. 

First of all, the guy’s fricking gorgeous, like, ???? I never see any simping for him on my dash, and I’m just like ??? I’m not very good at simping over people’s appearances myself, so all I will say is that he’s fricking beautiful, jfc.

Second of all, I’m a music nerd, okay, and I really fucking like his singing. Back then, I listened to his music covers so much that I learned the lyrics from songs I’d never even heard of before I started watching Wilbur, by heart. Lol it helps quite a bit that a good chunk of my musical taste is made up of Life is Strange-esque, shitty indie songs that fit right into the covers he made back when he first started streaming. I’ve listened to YCGMA so many times that I have that same familiarity I have with songs I’ve listened to for literal years, knowing exactly what song comes next and when each measure ends and when the breaths are taken, etc., etc. He doesn’t have much finnesse when it comes to the technical qualities of his singing abilities, but he’s a damn good musician. His lyrical composition, chord progressions, little guitar riffs, emotion - ahhh, I just love Wilbur Soot’s music so much. I’m certain I’ll be listening to YCGMA in the middle of the night, when I need a good cry, for years to come lol. 

Third of all, I really, really appreciate his openness about his mental health just, so much. He talks about his anxiety and getting depressed so candidly, he so easily lets his audience know about what kinda mental state he was in during uni and as a teenager and while he wrote YCGMA, and it makes me feel so normal. As dumb and cliched as it is to need a public figure to validate my own lived experiences, I do, and for someone like Wilbur Soot to succeed and be so talented, encouraging, empathetic, and socially active, despite losing motivation and energy at times, gives me a little bit of hope for myself.

Fourth of all, I mean, the guy’s fucking hilarious, are we forgetting this? People always talk about his talents music-wise and writing-wise, or how nice he seems to be, but they always gloss over his genuine comedic ability, and I ??? It takes so much to keep my attention these days, and Wilbur Soot’s videos are still some of the only ones that can manage that feat. He has undeniable chemistry with practically any CC he meets, his editing style is just *chef’s kiss*, and his laugh somehow makes even the most mundane of jokes seem fucking hilarious, it’s just such a delight to watch or listen to him do bits, man.

I left the best for last, lol. The main reason I fricking love Wilbur Soot is his political consciousness and the fact that his political beliefs align pretty well with my own. I’ve dealt with cishet, mostly white guys, both on and off the Internet, for so many damn years, and it’s exhausting. I am so tired of deconstructing myself and suppressing myself for the sake of social interaction, community-building, preventing ostracization, and being able to consume content without feeling enraged or hopeless. It is an exhausting endeavor to want to like and love all the gamers I’ve watched since middle school, and having to just push down and numb the parts of me that want to flinch at offhanded jokes and comments and exclusion from online spaces. Wilbur Soot is a whole other breed of CC. Lol uhhh, I guess he’s what most of the people in the social media circles I used to frequent would call, “a feminist cuck” and “self-hating white guy.” Which all really just means that he goes just beyond human decency. Don’t get me wrong, I do not by any means let white, cishet guys dictate my self-worth anymore, or even let them educate me; that’s what all the wonderful female and POC and queer CCs that I’ve discovered over the years are for. But there’s still something deeply satisfying about listening to this person who fits all the demographic checkboxes of the kinda person who used to make me feel so Other and Wrong, instead rant about how teenage girls can’t express their interests without being denigrated for them out of deeply-entrenched misogyny, or about how society needs to stop villanizing poor people and realize that government aid and social services do a great service for community betterment and are not just used by people supposedly leeching off the taxpayer’s dime. That’s not even to mention the fucking beautiful satire of the E-Girl Trilogy. I always wanted to rant about this, but I don’t know how exactly to put it into the proper words... Basically, as someone who has spent years and years retconning, observing, and caught in the midst of incels, conservatives, and just extremely depressed cishet men of all races, I am deeply familiar with all the resentment, anxiety, misogyny, homophobia, gender essentialism, and self-hatred that goes into creating the average 20-something man’s view on women, society, romance, friendships, and sex. The E-Girl Trilogy is fucking brilliant because it so accurately captures this cocktail of emotions and ideologies, creating a fucking perfect caricature of the average man who looks and is just like Wilbur Soot. The persona is so well-crafted that most listeners who aren’t familiar with Wilbur as a person, or his political views, actually believe these songs are genuine and empathize with the narrators, can you imagine? And the fact that, in the process, Wilbur himself realizes that all of it is a fucking joke, that the narrator’s views on his love interest are weird and creepy and not at all normal or correct, is what makes it genuine satire. He embodies something so perfectly, only to mock it in the process of showing off how much he can embody it... I love satire, but I fucking suck at writing or accurately embodying it, so I’ve always been so fucking jealous of and beyond impressed by the E-Girl Trilogy’s use of satire. 

Lol this isn’t 10k words, but it was much longer than I fucking thought it’d be. Basically, I really like Wilbur Soot, and writing all of this made me realize just how much I missed watching his VODs and streams...

[kittae]

Hi again! I have a few more things I wanted to ask about Nocturne because I forgot to last time lol. Do you have in mind how many years Yoongi has stayed in the forest? How do you think he would be like during modern day? Maybe I could see him browsing social media and dating apps (if the forest he inhabits has WiFi at least). And since he sings to lure people to him, do you imagine him singing any songs in particular while writing the fic? For me, I thought of him singing “set me free” from his d2 album irl, given how it aligns with his character. As for y/n, was it your intention for her background to correlate to the Salem witch trails? It would be a nice touch if it was😊 Not that any other ideas outside of that is bad lol. That’s what I guessed at least lol.

(Continuing from my last ask because of my forgetful ass lol) Also, does Yoongi (and maybe y/n still) wear clothes? If they do, I’d guess they’d use stuff like leaves and/or vines. Another thing, do you have a concept how the water makes people all lovey dovey and stay with Yoongi? Did he make it himself? Or did like the gods or other nymphs give it to him? Sorry if I’m asking too many questions btw. I get carried away sometimes😅

Hi sweet love!! I'm so sorry for the late reply, my mental health hasn't been the best because this semester is seriously fucking with it but i have a decent amount of energy today so i'm going to answer your questions!

1. Yoongi has been living in the forest for, well, probably millennia, give or take a few centuries depending on which particular era you would place Y/N. Seeing as i described her as being on the run for the town's witch hunt, I'd say around 1300-1400. Yoongi has been on earth for at least a millennium B.C. and has been confined to the forest soon after he was created.

2. In modern times, I'd see this Yoongi well-adjusted in a self-sufficient mansion in the forest, like the ones you see on Pinterest! For fun's sake let's say he does have Wifi, deep in the middle of a random forest lol, it's fiction so it's possible. He would indeed browse through dating apps but that doesn't necessarily mean harvesting humans would become so much easier, since generally they've been warned not to meet up with strangers in remote places. Still, he doesn't have to wait for centuries until someone wanders in lost and alone to strike anymore. However few, there are still people who are reckless/curious enough to come to him of their own accord. I mean, look at him, even I would at least consider it! Oh, and he has a hot tub now! Literally it would be paradise on earth, you're just not allowed to leave but honestly sign me up lmao

3. I did not necessarily have any songs in mind, I think i just went on like the basic siren vibes like the one from Harry Potter when Harry had the golden egg he had to open under water. That kind of vibe. Or like the elven songs from LOTR. But it can be whatever you imagine it to be!

4. As for Y/N, I love that your mind went to the Salem witch trials! It can be that, too, if you want! Maybe for me it was a few centuries earlier but it doesn't really matter all that much, it can be during that time as well! I haven't specified the exact period so that you could fill it in as you please.

5. Yoongi never wears clothes in the forest, not even in winter. He created a micro-environment with the most ideal circumstances and comfortable temperature and climate. Clothes would be a bother and have no use for someone who's alone for sometimes centuries on end and animals don't care about nudity lol. When Y/N joins him, she won't be wearing her clothes ever again either, more like a 'adam&eve' kinda vibe, not even vines or leaves because why bother haha

6. The love inducing nectarwater is made by Yoongi simply by existing in it, it's a nymph thing I thought would be cool. It's how in some lore you hear about fae or nymphs giving the humans something to eat that makes them forget about time and makes them want to stay, from there on I applied it to the water. He has abilities, like the luring singing, hypnotising and enchanting the water that aid him in trapping his victims.

Thank you for all your lovely questions!! It's so great to know someone got so invested in something i wrote, it's an amazing feeling! Really rewarding, especially because Nocturne is my personal favourite story I've ever written! Please never hesitate to ask more questions if you have any, my replies may be delayed sometimes but that doesn't mean i don't appreciate them!! 💕 @jhopeismyonlyhope

[thefanficmonster]

Corpse Infested

Corpse Husband & Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of dysfunctional family, Family problems, Swearing

Genre: Humor, Comfort, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When your friend disappears for a long time, seemingly having lost interest in what fueled the most passionate fire in their life, you cannot not worry about them. Even if you wanna give them space, you will reach out, you will offer your help. You will tell them they always have you to rely on and talk to.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! Hope you come across it and if you do I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

For me, it’s never hard to find things to do. I’ve constantly got things on my mind and tasks to tend to, keeping me occupied and my mind focused at all times. I think that comes with living in a home as dysfunctional as this one. I honestly can’t recall a time when my parents got along nor can I think of a time where there was at least one second of peace while the two are both present in the house. It’s always a warzone up there. I’m saying up there because I tend to live out of the basement of their home. I know living in your parents’ basement is considered a peak loser point, or the bottom of the bottom, but you’d have to believe me when I say - I wasn’t always like this. In fact, I only recently came back to this hell-hole and boy do I regret it. I mean, it was a decision forced upon me by circumstances. Trust me, I tried every other option there was. When my dorm was to be closed down and demolished, we were given a notice to start planning our next move about a month early. You can bet I immediately started looking at places but my very tragic and miserable budget didn’t allow such a purchase. No rent was adequate for me and my near-empty wallet so my second option was moving in with my best friend who was also not in the greatest of situations but I thought I’d give that a shot too.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out. She lived in a tiny apartment with her boyfriend and his best friend at the time, so four people in one apartment was a nightmare. Still a lesser nightmare than this one but a nightmare nonetheless. Some unwanted and downright traumatizing events chased me out of that place after barely managing to pack my stuff. Therefore, finding myself on the streets again, I had no other option other than the obvious and least liked one: moving back in with my parents.

Making money during my first year of college hasn’t been easy. Working two jobs at once and also streaming video games on the side was what my time was filled with all throughout the first semester but then this damn pandemic started and now ruined everything for me. I had things going for me, I was slowly getting my life together and now it has all fallen apart yet again. The places I worked at closed down due to quarantine and I haven’t been able to steam, not only cause I’d be the victim of my parents’ comments but also cause my terrible home life would be exposed to all my fans and viewers. It’s not like I could cancel out the commotion going on right above my head, it’s a livestream and this house’s walls are cardboard thin meaning all the arguing I hear almost 24/7 will serve as background noise for my streams.

I haven’t reached out to my friends or fans to inform them of this which I feel slightly guilty about but I’m really not looking forward to having to lie to them, just as much as I’m not looking forward to having to tell them the truth so instead I’ve picked silence which is probably either worrying them or driving them insane. Either way, I’ll make my comeback soon.

Well....not very soon by the looks of it...

I have to gather the money, then I have to find a place, then comes the packing, moving out of here, moving into the new place...oh God, there’s so much to it that I don’t even wanna think about. Just that thought that I’ll be inactive for that long makes my stomach turn. Streaming’s where I’ve been channeling all my negative emotions, turning them into something positive and entertaining with the help of my friends.

Speaking of my friends, I should probably put emphasis on how amazing they are. Basically the older siblings I’ve always wished I had. I’m the baby of the group, the eighteen year old freshman in college, powering through life the best they can cause they are constantly getting tripped up by inconvenient occurrences such as this one for example. I tend to have the gang poke fun at me quite frequently - all lighthearted and with good intentions obviously - but they are also the ones to get super defensive if anyone gets the balls to talk shit about me. They’d never allow me to be the victim of any smack talk or online rumors and ‘cancel culture’ or whatever the hell people will come up with to leave others restless and wondering if they did something shady a decade ago. Well, to be fair, I didn’t even know about the concept of social media a decade ago and I’ve never been one to post much but I still have a protection squad in case anyone decides to come after me.

Little do they know the people I need protecting from are the very people that are supposed to protect me - my parents. Luckily, they don’t venture into to basement very often if at all and I have my own exit to the outside world so I don’t have to run into them unless I absolutely have to. The only time I emerge to the surface of the house - aka the ground floor - I do so to leave my share of rent money on the dining table and I usually do it when they aren’t home or when they’re asleep - that happens often with how many bottles they each knock back on the daily.

*sigh*...at least I don’t have to talk to them, right?

Anyhow, remember how I mentioned I always have things to do? Well, right now I’ve tasked myself with rifling through the large boxes containing random stuff I found in one of the basements down here to see if there’s anything I could possibly sell online. For starters, I’d like to hope there aren’t any severed body parts in here because this was one shady-ass basement before I moved in and un-creeped it a bit so I wouldn’t have to become an insomniac due to the paranoia of there being a homeless person down here with me or some paranormal entity. Regardless, old basements tend to be, apart from haunted, also filled with junk no one would find valuable despite it actually being worth something after all. That’s basically what I’m hoping to find at the moment.

As I dig through the contents of the first box, the YouTube playlist I have put on on my phone cuts off causing me to furrow my brows in confusion for a second before my ringtone pierces the silence the lack of music created.

I quickly mute the ringing and take a look at the Caller ID to see a name I never thought would pop up on my screen as an incoming call - Corpse. I, as well as many of our friends, know that he’s not the biggest fan of talking to people on the phone so this is rather surprising. Still, I pick up the call in case it’s not a mistake and an odd chance that it’s somethin urgent cause Lord knows Corpse doesn’t call people willy-nilly. 

Thank God it’s quiet up there at the moment.

“Hello?“ I try my best to cover up the confusion in my voice but I can only assume I didn’t do the best job considering Corpse replies with a slightly awkward chuckle.

“Surprised you, didn’t I?“ He asks, getting my cheeks to redden a bit, “You can’t blame a guy for calling after up and disappearing on him and on the whole internet. Where’ve you been?“

I open my mouth to respond when I hear the sound of glass breaking a shouted curse from upstairs.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Um...you know, places?“ I’m aware the answer isn’t only nonsensical but also sounds more like a question, but I can hardly focus on that right now. I’m too buys praying to an entity I don’t fully believe in for the situation above to not escalate.

“Uh, is everything ok over there? Where even are you right now?“ The teasing tone to his voice is all but gone at this point, replaced with deep concern, having obviously heard the commotion that did the exact opposite of what I prayed for - escalated.

“Y-yeah, it’s ok. It’s just another Thursday, you know.“ I attempt a small laugh but it’s blatantly miserable, “I moved back in with my parents when they announced the quarantine so that’s where I’m at now. They’re not the quietest of folks as you can tell so...“

“I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I HOPE YOU DIE“

Oh crap, here we go.

“...So I can’t really stream a lot...or at all.“ I mutter, cringing with all my might, “But it’s only temporary! I’ll get back in the saddle as soon as I find another place to stay.“ I don’t dare mention how long that’s gonna take me, it’ll be too disappointing and depressing for the both of us. “So yeah...um...thanks for showing concern but there’s really nothing to worry about. I’m ok, everything’s ok, things are just...a bit off the rails, but I’ll fix em no problem. Like I always do!“ I attempt to sound as cheerful as possible with little success due to the overwhelming anger I feel towards those people upstairs and the gut-wrenching nostalgia for the world of streaming I can no longer be a part of because of them. Actually, I put the blame first on the pandemic and second on my parents - if it wasn’t for Covid I’d probably still be in my dorm!

“Hey...um, I think I know an affordable place where you can take up residence. Only if you want to, of course.“ He sounds hesitant but I easily overlook that as excitement bursts throughout my entire being at the sound if an escape being offered to me just like that. Had I known I’d find the solution to my problem in the very people I spent time avoiding because I was afraid of their pity, sympathy and judgement.

“Oh please, it could be a rat and roach infested shoe box and I’d go running to it. How much is rent?“ I ask through a gasp of hurried laughter that’s a result of my inability to contain said excitement. Listen, I’ve been sitting here in Hellsburg for three months now and haven’t gotten a proper shuteye during that whole period, whatever Corpse is offering has to be better than this misery.

“Rent can be discussed once you move in...“ He trails off, “And it’s not rat nor roach infested but there’s a slight issue...“

“Which is?“ I’m honestly expecting the worst: in a bad neighborhood; faulty wiring with a high chance of being electrocuted; faulty piping with a high chance of flooding; people have died there; things get randomly moved around in the middle of the night etc. However, I don’t voice any of them to avoid getting laughed at for my wild imagination.

“Well, uh, it’s corpse infested.“ He says a little awkwardly, causing me to let out an inaudible sigh.

So my ‘people have died there’ guess was on point, huh?

“People have died there, huh? Well, I can turn a blind eye to that as long as I don’t find their bodies in the closet or meet their spirits at 3AM.“ I attempt to joke, now second-guessing my eagerness to accept the offer.

Corpse bursts out laughing his ass off at my statement, getting me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion and wonder what I said was so funny - it was a poor attempt at a joke, it in no way deserves that sort of reaction, barely a chuckle in my opinion.

“You’re golden, Y/N, I swear.“ He says once he forces the laughter to subside, “I meant corpse infested as in Corpse Husband infested.“ He breaks out in another fit as my brain slowly starts connecting the dots.

Oooohh he’s asking me to go live with him

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, hold up for a sec. Are you aware of what you’re offering me? I mean, we’ve never met IRL, you barely know me and....and for all you know I could be the serial killer in this situation!“ I have no idea why I’m pushing my luck, don’t ask. I just don’t want him to make a decision he’ll later regret, I guess. “Like, I could kill you in your sleep!“

“Would you?“ He asks confidently, silently stating he already knows the answer.

I roll my eyes, “Of course not! But...” He cuts me off.

“Great, the offer stands on my end. I’m not a noisy nor nosey roommate so I suggest you start packing. If you choose to live in that hell-hole over living with me, I’m sorry but I’ll be hella offended, just so you know.“

Corpse sounds like he’s about to hang up on me, a decision already made, so I hurry to stop him. “Wait! What about rent?”

“Fuck the rent, pack your bags.“ And just like that, despite my efforts, he hangs up on me.

Well...this is a chance of a lifetime that I know refusing would lead me to not only remain stuck here but also put me in the hugest loser bin. There’s also the fear of being Corpse’s burden which I’ll try my best not to be - I mean, I’m a super independent person and Lord knows that if this offer came any other time or from any other person, I would’ve declined asap, no discussion.

But streaming

But sleeping properly

But having a normal life again

Yeah those are most certainly the reasons I get up and go into the closet in search on my emptied suitcase. Time to fill it up again, I guess. This time with a smile on my face and excitement fueling each and every movement of mine.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[zdravstvuysclntse]

Heyy!

Hey y’all whgfg, whoaf, I.. Am hardly here anymore, and probably won’t be again for the foreseeable future, as sad as that is. I guess this is sort of a goodbye post? Kind of? Think of it as a way to get back into contact with me on some of my more active social media platforms should you ever want to!

Long story short; I actually went down memory lane a little bit tonight with some friends, waaay back to 2017 when making stupid ass decisions was apparently the norm for me! This isn’t me bringing up ancient drama or any of that nasty biz, I guess it’s just reflection? I’m nearly twenty four now and I hopefully have a much better overall outlook on life and on my little career here in the rp community than I did way back when. 

Plain and simple; I was incredibly, incredibly volatile and quick to try and victimise myself back then. If I’m totally and brutally honest, I still get the temptation to do that even nowadays - especially throughout the duration of this horrible pandemic and the various lockdowns the UK has gone through - and recognising that has actually been a pretty recent realisation, so it looks like the lockdowns did one good thing for me. Trying to throw myself a pity party is unfortunately a big knee jerk reaction for me, which isn’t healthy, but it isn’t too late to tackle that problem - admitting there’s a problem is the first step to improving it after all.

But, really what I find pretty surprising now that I’m looking back on everything, is that I actually value the memories of what happened in and around 2017. I lost friends and writing partners who I valued, strained friendships with those I didn’t lose and I made a complete and utter asshat of myself, but that has all lead to how I approach situations today. Half of the things that happened to me wouldn’t have happened had I quit trying to start fights and seeking out drama for the sake of drama. In reality it’s entirely my own dumbass fault that I never really got back into the swing of things after that year, the maaaagical concept of blocking and just moving the hell on to things I wanted to do didn’t actually set in with me until I was way on my way to twenty one or two. 

I honestly wish I could give you all a good reason as to why it took so long to finally register with me, but really there isn’t one, apart from the fact that there was a part of me that actually enjoyed getting into scraps and stirring the pot, until it came back to bite me in the ass. Nowadays though, I’ve seen and experienced first hand, what it’s like to curate your own online experience, to stay in your own lane, to mind your own damn business and just do what you want to do. It’s fucking Magical, my dudes, it feels a little strange to say now, but I haven’t felt this secure and this happy in a fandom in years, and I wish I’d just had the foresight to just get on with what I wanted to do. Drama would’ve happened, sure, but at the end of the day it’s all down to me if I choose to get involved or not, and unfortunately back in 2017 I chose to jump in, and ended up saying a fuckton of stupid shit as a result. Mostly out of upset, mostly out of a desire to be right all the time, mostly out of anger, which are three things I am - bit by bit - pushing out of my time online.

So; I’m sorry. I’m not who I was back then, and the people from here who I still chat to on occasion now can hopefully see that change in me. Growth is important and you can’t really grow without looking back and cringing a lot at the things you did and the shit you said - and believe me I’ve been doing a lot of that tonight.

Getting hung up on drama and whatnot just.. Isn’t worth it, I don’t know why I thought it ever was; especially since in the grand scheme of things I was way too old to be even thinking about stoking the fire beyond just, stating where I stood on some issues and leaving it at that, and admitting when I was wrong. People on every single God forsaken social media platform are going to get fucked off at things regardless of how well you word a ‘hot take’ or how well you research an opinion, and there’s nothing you or I can do to change that, besides just thinking about how best to handle a situation without causing them or yourself any upset. The internet is, wild like that.

If anyone from back in 2017 does stumble across this - unlikely but there’s always a chance - hey, hi, I’m still willing to stand by the fact that I disagreed with a lot of you, but I’m also willing to admit the fact that I was petty, immature, quick to victimise myself and ultimately behaved in a way that made the situation worse for myself while doing so. So, I’m sorry to you guys too. Roleplaying on this platform was easily some of the best and most creative years of my life, and at some point I was insanely glad to have met all of you, so that’s what I’m going to remember - not the fact that we disagreed and argued and ended our friendships on a bad note.

Ahhhgyiuh and if anybody on here does want to go ahead and contact me on some of my more active platforms: Twitter (sfw) Twitter (nsfw - 18+ only please y’all) Wordpress Other tumblr DM me for discord if anybody wants it.

I guess that’s?? It?? It feels good to reflect, this might not be the most well written and laid out post, but really I am just babbling, and it’s... 3am.

Thanks a lot, y’all. Get vaccinated if you can. Wear a mask. Wash ya hands.