#like i feel like i really need and want to talk to men about manhood but its so hard to talk to men about anything because of how

[somekindafairy]

thinking about how much of the perception of gender feels like a performance. wondering what it means to be a man once you strip away biological essentialism and the performance of masculinity.

maybe i would be less dysphoric if i put more effort into my performance. thinking about the idea of it "coming naturally" like men and women "naturally" behave differently and how that maps on to how people perceive trans people. or what it means to "feel" like a man or a woman to others, as if that isn't intimately connected to cultural gender preformance. or that your ability to master said performance proves something innate about you.

thinking about being autistic and having to learn a new script whole cloth when i barely (read: not at all) managed the first one, wondering if this one would come more naturally if i let it, and if it doesn't what does that mean.

thinking about the performance of gender as a different culture, like learning a new dialect. idk

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[toxicbrothel]

Bad Ideas

PAIRING: raider!Joel x f!reader x f!friend x Carter WORD COUNT: 2.5k  NOTE/SUMMARY: Joel is primary (you're sweet pea). Carter is an OC. Same non-canon raider AU as Girl Talk. (poll). Carter's girl is not described. They all sleep in the same bed. what could go wrong? WARNINGS: 🔞, mostly smut, MFFM kinda, choking, violence, hair pulling, biting, questionable orgasm timing, angst, dark sweet pea. read at your own discretion. 

—

The fire pops and crackles, filling the silence. It’s been a few minutes since either of the men said anything. All you hear is the fire and Joel’s breath, heavy with need. You’re stifling moans with your face in his neck while you straddle him. He’s got one hand on your ass and one on your back as he  grinds you on his hard bulge. His manhood throbs against you, nudging you in just the right spot. The whisky on his breath is stronger than usual. 

He lets out a soft grunt and pulls you harder against him. Closer, tighter so his clothed cock is aimed at your wet little hole instead. He’s going to make you desperate for it. With Joel nudging you like that with his hard-on, your wetness begins to seep into his denim. The need to be filled is overwhelming. Will he fuck you right here? He’s done it in front of plenty of people, but normally it’s just men. It turns you on a little more, thinking about doing it in front of her. A private show, just for them. 

~//ofc pov//~

Carter and his girl--your friend--are only about two meters away, and she’s seated on him in the same fashion. They couldn’t help themselves after a few minutes of trying not to watch you and Joel and hearing the noises you’re trying to stifle. She’s heard you moan before. They all have. She’s heard it with her head between your legs, with her fingers knuckles deep getting soaked by your sweet little cunt. When the boys got home from their last hunting trip, the two of you were on the sofa, with your legs stacked together while she expertly massaged your tit, thumbing your nipple into a peak while you grinded on her thigh between your legs. Now she’s grinding herself on Carter as they make out. 

She can’t really help herself. He’s a good kisser, and he’s rock hard. What she really wants is Carter inside her, but rocking against him, feeling the stiffness and girth of his perfect cock is the next best thing. She rolls her hips slowly.

His mouth breaks away from hers to mutter, “Fuck, sugar,” then a cautionary, “Hol’on.” His hands on her thighs hold her still for a moment. She giggles and they look at each other fondly for a moment. His eyes always sparkle when he’s with her, but now his face is wrecked with arousal.

Carter has so much restraint. Sometimes she wishes he was more like Joel, giving it to his girl any time, anywhere.

They start kissing again, softer, less sloppy. 

~//🌸🫛//~

Joel murmurs into your hair, “You gonna come for me?” 

Your response is interrupted by a loud clap of thunder. When you jump, Joel chuckles.

A fat raindrop lands on your head. 

Carter gives his girl a kiss on the forehead and nudges her off his lap. He subtly adjusts himself before standing up and going to grab the tarp by the side of the trailer. “Guess we should try to beat the rain,” he tells her as he covers the unused firewood. 

You glance at her and she gives you a disappointed look. 

You put your hands around the back of Joel's neck, gently resting your thumbs just in front of his earlobes. He raises an eyebrow like he knows you want something. 

You bite your lip and almost laugh. 

“I'm listening,” he teases.  

“Can they stay?” you ask. 

“Whatcha want’em to stay for?” 

Heat rises to your cheeks “I just like hanging out with her.” 

“Uh-huh,” he says with teasing skepticism.  “I know ya do,” he reminds you. 

Another clap of thunder and it begins to pour. 

Joel clears his throat and shouts, “Come on in, it's early. Storm’ll blow over. ”

–

You’re all wet by the time you get inside. The dog gets to come in too, but he has to stay in the bathroom. In the kitchen, the men have another drink. The storm is picking up outside. You sit on Joel’s lap, side-saddle. He’s so handsome in the lantern light. Carter’s girl sits in the chair next to him, and he holds her hand in her lap. She yawns into her shoulder. 

“pull-out’s in there if ya wanna call it a night,” Joel nods toward the living room. Then he murmurs across the top of your ear, “You tired?” 

You remind him, “the roof leaks in there.” 

“Shit, you’re right,” Joel replies. 

“Bed’s big enough,” you whisper, then put your hand on the lamp’s handle like you’re ready to bring it to the bedroom.

“Hear that, Carter?” Joel picks up his glass to down the rest of his whiskey. He swallows and puts it back down, with his voice a little lower. “Fine by me.” 

~//flashback//~

After catching you girls together that time, Joel and Carter had talked. You overheard some of it and were surprised to hear Carter was the hesitant one. Joel was always far more possessive (than anyone, ever), but that was partly why he made peace with it: If something happened to Joel, he would rather you have your friend than someone else. He knew you didn’t look at her the way you looked at him. He knew she was just for fun. The thought of another man swooping in made his blood boil, but he didn’t want you to be completely alone.

Carter, on the other hand, was concerned. He was worried about Joel getting jealous and getting rid of the girl. Taking a sexual interest in you wasn't good for anyone's lifespan.

“I don’t get jealous,” Joel claimed. “Just don’t like men disrespectin’ my girl.” 

“snapped a girl's neck for puttin’ hands on her,” Carter reminded him.

Joel scoffed. “Snapped her neck cause she damn near killed ya, brother.” 

Carter was moved. After a few moments of silence, he agreed. “If it’s too much, promise you’ll say somethin'. I don't wanna lose her, man.” 

Joel nodded, and that was that. 

~//~

Now Joel’s fucking you from behind in the spoon position, holding onto your hip. Your friend’s face is getting closer to yours with every thrust from Carter behind her. Carter is holding her breast.

As the gap gets smaller and smaller between you and her, your erect nipple brushes against something hard - Carter's knuckles. His hand quickly moves out of the way with a quiet curse into his girl’s hair. But the split-second contact has already sent a chill down your spine that makes you twitch on Joel's cock. The deep growl Joel lets out gives you butterflies. 

Your bodies drift even closer until your breasts are smashed against hers, and you’re sloppily kissing. You’re floating in a cozy world of pleasure with her mouth on yours, her tongue finding yours after sliding along your lower lip. Her tits feel so good against you, moving to the beat of Carter’s hips. The power of Joel’s rhythm grinds you against her. You almost lift your leg so your knee rests on her hip, but think better of it when you imagine Joel’s balls grazing her. Your lips stop moving as you close your eyes and focus on Joel. You and she breathe against each other’s mouths, letting out sounds of pleasure with your tits still touching. You squeeze her side, then slide your hand to her breast and her nipple gets harder with your touch. 

Joel grunts and pulls you back against him, and off of her. The move feels more primal than anything. He probably didn’t think about her at all. He doesn’t think when he’s ravaging you. He only takes what’s his and bends you to his will. It’s the way he can’t physically get enough. Can’t be deep enough inside. Can’t have enough of your body against his. Can’t hold you tight enough.  Always hungry for more. 

He gropes around the front of your chest as he pounds you, his wide palm smashing your breast. Joel’s thrusts are sharp and deep, and his breathing is more vocal with every stroke of his cock through your tight, soft walls. He must be getting close. He bottoms out for two seconds and you let out a whimper, pushing back on him.  “That’s my girl,” he growls as his hips begin to move, and the slow, thick drag of his cock makes you forget everything else. His arm tightens, and his breath is hot in your hair. Your skin is slippery against his. You’re a humid row of bodies, writhing and sliding against each other under a quiet medley of heavy breaths, grunts, and sighs. 

“That’s it, baby,” Carter says in a husky near-whisper. 

“Ohhh--good girl,” Joel pants, grinding deep inside you. You let out a moan, and it’s echoed by one from her. Your eyes flutter open. 

Carter has slowed down. He's fucking her deep and smooth with a hand on her hip. A flash of lightning illuminates the room. Carter is kissing her neck, making her whimper, and a glimpse of his tongue on her skin makes you twitch. Her mouth is open, and her brow furrows with pleasure. “You like that?” Carter mumbles into her neck at a low octave before tasting her skin again, then marking her with bruising suction, drawing another moan. He releases her neck with a smack. 

“Whose are ya,” Joel murmurs. Your pussy gives his dick a little squeeze.

“Yours,” you reply. “always.” 

“Good girl.”

His. Always his. As much as you enjoy her. You could never be anyone else’s. You wouldn’t dream of it.

She tries to grope your breast, but Joel's hand is there. She breathes out a laugh, and when her hand doesn't move right away, you notice–even through the haze of pleasure. You pull back, pressing your back harder into Joel’s chest. You take her hand off of Joel's, and brush your chest with her fingers so she can feel the letters of his name. You interlace your fingers with hers.

“feel so good, sugar” Carter pants behind her. 

Another flash of lightning, and you see she's looking over your head. Your heart races. She’s looking at Joel. There’s no way he’s looking back at her, you reassure yourself, but you keep an eye on her over the next few seconds. The sight isn't as jarring in the dimmer lamplight, but her chin stays lifted upward, and so do her eyes. After another thrust of Joel inside you, she’s still looking at him. Your face tenses and tingles. You find your upper body trying to wiggle out of Joel’s tight grip. You put a hand on the back of her neck and pull her toward you at the same time.

Her neck still glistens with Carter’s spit as your mouth is drawn to it like a magnet. 

“Mm,” she moans as you plant your lips and suck. You widen your jaw, and your mind goes someplace else. 

"fuck," Carter breathes, "you close?"

The next thing you know, she’s wailing, with your teeth digging unforgivingly into her skin, not budging, only trying to sink deeper.

Carter groans with his release.  

Joel keeps fucking you, too wrapped up in the edge of his orgasm to even correct the gap that’s grown between your hair and his face. 

“Carter,” she cries, then chokes, “Carter.” 

“Shit,” he slowly comes back to reality, realizing what's happening.

Carter reaches around the back of your head and grabs a fist of your hair, trying to pry you off, but it only feels good to you. “Do somethin’, Miller.” His plea shakes Joel out of the spell enough to take you back, or try. 

When you resist the pull of his arm, Joel’s hand wraps around your throat. “C’mere,” he growls with a deep thrust. You tense up, squeezing his cock tight. 

“God damn” he curses, using the pressure of his forearm between your breasts, trying to pry you off, but not being rough with you, yet. “C’mere, sweet pea.” His fingers add some pressure to your neck.

With your mouth still on her neck, a modest climax ripples through your core, squeezing him tighter. Youre too numb to fully experience it- even the orgasm’s not enough to make you let go.

Joel sternly says your name. He tightens his grip, and you finally release her neck from your mouth.

He loosens his hand and pulls you fully back into his embrace with a groan, bottoming out and erupting. The warmth of his spend spreads like a blanket, soothing you along with the pulsing of his cock. 

–

You catch your breath and a hint of copper on your tongue. 

She’s blubbering. Looking for attention, when she should be apologizing and leaving.

“What the fuck,” Carter mutters, then tries to soothe her.  “Shhhh. It's okay, you're good.” 

“Crazy bitch,” she mumbles. 

You tense and Joel holds you tighter. “Hey,” he murmurs into your hair. “You’re okay.”

Carter's disapproving face turns to concern as he studies your face. "you good, peanut?" He asks you between heaving breaths.

She quietly sobs in unintelligible protest, hand on her neck. 

“Lemme see,” Carter says and retrieves the lamp from the bedside. He brings the lamp closer to her neck and his face darkens from shock to horror when he sees the damage. “Jesus,” he whispers.

The rain is really coming down hard. Bullet is whimpering in the bathroom and clawing at the door.  

Joe’s arms loosen around you. “Hey,” you grumble in protest when his cock slides out of you. He props himself up to have a look. Then he’s quiet. He lifts his hand and holds it like he’s about to touch her neck while examining the wound. You sharply inhale and he stops short. 

“Get her outta here,” Joel mutters. “Give us a minute.” 

Carter replies, “Where'd that come from–” 

“I’ll handle it,” Joel cuts him off. "Get her outta here."

A clap of thunder.

“Did you cum,” you ask Carter with a blank face. He stares at you with his mouth slightly agape, and you could swear you see him blush.

Saving both of you from Joel's wrath, Carter pretends you were talking to his girl. "She woulda."

"well, she wasn't--" you think about telling Carter his girl wasn't thinking about him, but think better of it. You don't wanna hurt him. "Nevermind."

As he puts his boxers on, Carter boldly tells Joel, "this was always gonna be trouble." Bewildered, he looks back and forth between you and Joel behind you.

Then, Carter helps his girl off the bed. "Alright, come on, baby."

You don’t look directly at her. You’re spaced out.

"i know, baby," he cradles her head as she stands up. He ushers her to the kitchen to look at her neck. 

-

Joel gets up from the bed and pulls on his boxers. 

Bullet is going nuts in the bathroom.

“Do you think Bullet’s okay?” you ask, but Joel doesn't check on him or let him out. All he does is close the bedroom door. As he’s slowly making his way back to you, lightning flashes. 

Joel’s jaw flexes as he stares you down from the shadow of his brow, fingers twitching at his sides. 

He reaches the edge of the bed where you lie. He stands there, facing you.

“That was...bad,” he scolds calmly. Your heart sinks. You would rather him be mad than disappointed. If you deserve anything it's to get smacked around a bit, not this serious face from him.

You sit up, sit back on your knees, and try to hug him. Your eyes water, and your apology barely croaks out. "I'm sorry, you repeat." He feels even taller than usual from this angle. You lower your head, with your arms still loosely around him, nuzzling your hair against his tummy. 

He pulls away a bit and lifts your chin to look at him. Lightning flashes. 

He takes a firm hold of your jaw. “Biting. . .is not okay.” His jaw clenches, and he reads your eyes trying to see if you got it. “Ever,” he adds. The look on his face tells you not to argue.

“Yes sir,” you mumble. 

"You okay?" He asks.

"Okay," he nods to himself. His glistening chest heaves. His neck vein is bulging as he looks down at you. "God damn," he whispers to himself, sounding annoyed. He cracks his neck with no hands, trying to relax.

“You're trying not to hurt me,” you observe. 

He takes a deep breath through his nose and slowly nods as he exhales. “Cause I know how much ya like it.”

You rub your lips together and look down and away. He lays a gentle hand on your head.

When you look up to meet his eyes again, he’s trying to suppress a smile. 

---

----

-----

Ty for reading and compartmentalizing lol 🖤

[transmascissues]

building off of this post, people love to say that “trans men want to keep going into in women’s spaces after they transition because they just want to have the best of both worlds!” but in my experience, there are four main reasons that a trans man might use a “women’s space” after they transition:

it’s an important resource that’s being arbitrarily gendered and we need to use it regardless of which gender is “supposed to” be using it.

it’s a public facility where we’d be significantly less safe in the men’s version and we have to choose our safety over our desire to not be misgendered.

it’s a social space that we’ve been in since before we transitioned and we don’t want to suddenly be cut off from our friends and support system.

the trans man in question is multigender and is also a woman, or maintains some other kind of connection to womanhood alongside their manhood.

do any of those sound like “evil men rubbing our dirty little hands together making plans for how we’re going to get male privilege without losing access to women’s spaces” to you? they sure don’t to me!

i think it’s pretty reasonable that we want to transition without losing the ability to access the resources we need, keep ourselves safe, keep up the relationships we’ve built, and express all facets of who we are. all of those are really, like, pretty basic parts of having good life and we shouldn’t be expected to give them up when we transition.

and honestly, if you claim to care about trans people, you should not be so attached to the gendering of these spaces that you’re willing to deny trans men those things for the sake of upholding gender restrictions. anyone who prioritizes the sanctity of gender segregated spaces over the safety, health, and well-being of trans men is a fucking transphobe. (yes, even if you’re trans yourself.)

and that’s what really gets me about all of this — the vehemence with which people are willing to defend those spaces being entirely and inflexibly gendered, despite how enforcement of gendered spaces has hurt trans people time and time again. gendered spaces have literally always been set up in ways that force trans people to break the rules; some trans men might break those rules in ways that don’t make sense to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for us to do so! it just means you might feel weird about it and that’s okay, discomfort won’t kill you.

“but using women’s spaces after transitioning to male defeats the purpose of transitioning! the whole point of transitioning is to be able to live as a man!”

and who are you to tell trans men what the point of our transitions should be? what if the purpose of us transitioning is just to live the happiest and most fulfilled life possible, and forcing ourselves into unsafe spaces or denying ourselves access to important resources or cutting ourselves off from important people in our lives or pushing down the more complex parts of our genders would “defeat the purpose of transitioning” for us? what if being able to go where cis men go is just one part of a much bigger journey, not the end goal?

if you really want to talk about “defeating the purpose,” let’s talk about how policing which gendered spaces trans men can access defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from policing which gendered spaces trans people can access, because it allows the policing of trans people in gendered spaces to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether. let’s talk about how using “evil men invading women’s spaces” rhetoric against trans men defeats the purpose of trying to stop cis people from using it against trans women, because it allows the rhetoric to continue in some form instead of eliminating it altogether.

the point of saying “let people decide which gendered space is right for them” isn’t to make sure everyone uses the one aligned with their “true gender,” it’s to let people do what’s best for them without punishing them for their choice. sometimes the best choice is one that seems wrong from the outside, and you need to learn to live with that.

i just think we as a community need to be more hostile toward people who think upholding the sanctity of a gendered space is more important than giving trans people the freedom to move through the world without being punished for existing in those gendered spaces. that kind of thinking is fucking dangerous and it’s weird as hell that some of y’all are so comfortable with it being directed at us.

moral of the story: stop giving so much of a shit about where a trans man decides to piss or see a doctor or hang out or whatever else. even if you think he doesn’t belong there, he probably has a good reason to be there anyway, and that reason is frankly none of your damn business.

[genderkoolaid]

something ive noticed as a very effeminate trans masc that dresses pretty androgynous & has been on hrt for many years is that the status of being a "dangerous man" can and will be placed on you (ime most often by cis white women) whenever expressing any kind of negative feelings. if i told friends of mine - even queer ones - that something they did hurt my feelings or made me upset, i was suddenly a dangerous man or a (man)ipulator or whatever - even if i didn't raise my voice. the very fact that i am unhappy combined with my proximity to manhood makes me a supposed threat in their eyes.

a couple years ago i had a group of cis girl friends. they would constantly pull me into women's bathrooms n such so i wouldn't be left behind saying its fine its fine bc im one of the girls (gender neutral) but then as soon as i was upset about something i was suddenly a dangerous man who needed to stay out of women's spaces,,,, despite the fact that of the 4 of us, the girl who joined after me was the one spreading this shit around my friend group so... how was i encroaching on womens spaces if i was there before her and i was invited in? luckily one of my friends told me that the other two were plotting to kick me out of my friend group on the sole basis of my proximity to manhood so i at least knew why they were suddenly treating me like shit

its just.. i cant understand why people dont think trans mascs and trans men are discriminated against when they literally said it was my "toxic man energy" that made them want me out WHILE ALSO being the ones convincing me to go into womens spaces bc they wanted to go somewhere and didnt wanna have to leave me behind & like i said im extremely effeminate and faggy and also NONBINARY so i dont understand what "man energy" they were talking about other than the fact that im on testosterone and thinking testosterone = man is just transphobic no matter how you try to twist it

but my taking testosterone was never a problem or made me evil or scary when they wanted me to go with them into women-only (&nonbinary too i guess unless youre amab (and they can tell) or been on testosterone for too long) spaces, it was only a problem when they wanted 1. a reason to criticise me relentlessly, borderline bullying or 2. a reason to dismiss any of my concerns or criticisms of their treatment of me

all of that, to me, is transandrophobia point blank. i dont know what else you could call it other than transphobia, but transphobia doesn't address any of the very blatant and obvious connection of how my transness affects their perception of my proximity to manhood and how that affected the situation

God that sucks. I'm sorry you went through that.

You make a very good point. This is why I don't want to define transandrophobia/ATM as just transphobia and misogyny directed at transmascs. I still think transunity theory is a really valuable way of looking at transphobia & its important to me that we are vocal about how masculine tropes are weaponized against trans people by cis people on the regular because of how we are positioned in relation to gender. Too many people think the that the only thing wrong with saying trans people have "dangerous male energy" is that its misgendering. So trans people who choose to associate themselves with manhood are left in the trash by the people who should know best how much being made out to be a Dangerous Male Invader hurts!

[cypionate60mg]

I just wanted to say I love what you’re doing omg… apologies if im totally missing the point by the way, I have only read some of ur responses to other asks and I’m not well read at all in the philosophy you talk about. Still I feel really seen by your posts or more accurately your posts feel exactly like my state of mind before committing to transitioning…. The repetitive and often kind of fleeting quality of the images you use reminds me of the obsessiveness I used to have over my (purposely unattainable) wishes of what I could be, the sort of wishes that don’t expect to be fulfilled unless pushed to the forefront by someone else, which the forcemasc does…. The captions are so raw and definitive that they feel half like someone else talking to me and half like my own repressed consciousness speaking what it can’t respectably say through someone else. most of the men being guys who I absolutely will not look like (I’m Asian and really short) adds to this because ur posts feel like the expression of an ideal fantasy, with all the caveats and problematic implications of creating an ideal fantasy of what being a man is based on your half-formed understanding of manhood through tv and the movies and whatnot… it rlly feels like trying to formulate an idea of what being a man would be like, without understanding or rlly comprehending the realities of life as the sort of man you will be. And in this way it’s like being on the precipice of taking the steps to actually realize the person you want to be, which you have some image of, but you really don’t know… the thing about transition (ime anyways) is that it highlights how who you are and who you want and what you value are all more intertwined and codeterminate than ppl think. I think many trans men eventually reach this point where they have to grapple with the question of what makes a man, anyways, besides a desire to be one? These posts feel like the state before unraveling any of that but you can see the strings so visibly there, waiting to be pulled on… Also one particular image you used a bit ago the one of the man and woman on the bicycle oh my god idk what it’s actually from but it felt so precisely like something I’d see while closeted and fixate on for weeks and weeks, creating a whole new image of it in my mind as a symbol of what could ideally be, stripping it of what it actually was while making it something more. Also your blog has felt very validating to me in my desire to turn away from wanting to be pretty, even as a man, which I feel is a box transmascs often get placed in against our will. Sorry this became an essay …. All of this is to say that I really appreciate your work and I’m excited to see where u go with it next !

Miss the point? I'd say quite the opposite. And no philosophy primer needed. If I were to go through, line by line, and find quotes of yours that I found incredibly salient and accurate to my own feelings, then I'd probably be copy-pasting your entire message. Very well-said.

There's also something to be said about being Asian and transmasculine. How it is burdened with uniquely specific assumptions about motivations for transition and rampant intracommunity fetishization. I try not to let it overwhelm me. Biting my tongue for now, but I have a lot to say about this. It's part of why I am painfully careful about whose photos I use, and with what text.

I'm relieved that you are able to pick out the intentional shortcomings of this project. The images show us fantasies of masculinity, and the captions do represent (to some degree) the frustration and neediness that comes from wanting to attain those ideals. They're that "repressed consciousness speaking what it can't respectably say", and I am that "someone else" for you, the viewer. I'll always be here to remind you that you should do it, you should chase after it anyway, because pursuing the impossible still changes you in a very real, palpable way.

"If you can't do it good, do it hard."

Thanks, anon. I hope I hear from you again.

Much love, CYP60MG

P.S. That movie is Rebels of the Neon God by Ming-liang Tsai. You should watch it.

[theblueflower05]

Hi! can I request for an omega lo'ak x alpha reader where Y/n wants him to feel good and so he said "you can, by doing this..." where he place her hands on his manhood and started thrusting until he cums with of course lots of groaning and dirty talk.

I am salivating just thinking of this. I just think Lo'ak doesn't use his hands but uses his hips instead whenever he touches himself 🤤

The way that I simp over the thought of the Sully men as Omegas? It’s just? Not healthy at this point lol I am beyond obsessed.

Because like. The moment Omega Lo’ak realizes that you’re his? Oh, it’s on.

It takes a while to get there- his own self doubt sabotages your relationship. He can’t believe it. That you; an Alpha in her prime. A known hunter and expert ikran tamer, wants to be with him.

You tell him you don’t care. About his humanoid deformities or his reckless nature. You just want him.

Smut below the cut. NSFW.

After that it’s on. He’s all fucking over you. He wants you in his lap, or him in yours, at all times.

Lo’ak loves PDA and no one can tell me different.

It’s all; the two of you cuddled close, hand feeding each other meats and fruit at communal dinner and braiding each other’s hair and Lo’ak suckling on the scent gland on your neck at the most inappropriate of times.

BUT.

You still haven’t mated- he’s the son of the Olo’eyktan and Tsahik to be. He deserves a great ceremony and all of the Omiticayan courtship traditions.

He gets huffy with laughter and calls you old school.

You roll your eyes and shove his shoulder- it’s respectful, jerk!

It’s all fine and dandy and he’s gonna let you parade him around and give him presents because it does wonders for his ego-

But the fact that you won’t fuck him?

Oh. Yeah. That has caused many a fight.

“This is the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard! I’m not even a virgin- and neither are you!” He’d argue, in whispered little hisses. His golden eyes pleading.

You just caress his cheeks, your small thin hands comforting “that’s not the point and you know it, yawne”

He does. You love him, truly. You’re not like the other girls he’d fucked, mindlessly. Desperate for a wet pussy and a tight knot. You want this to mean something, to mean everything.

He just rolls his eyes and wraps his big muscles arms around your slim frame, grumbling into your hair about the injustice of it all.

It’s not like you don’t give him anything. There’s kisses- so many kisses. All of the kisses. Everywhere. Til his mouth is raw, all over his neck and chest- he likes it when you kiss his cock the best. You grin up at him, all canines and amber eyes and worship his shaft in smooches. When you dip under- to get at swollen balls and hole- he always blows.

You touch him almost constantly. Hugs. Hand jobs. Fingering.

And it’s nice. It gets him off. Makes him come until his eyes roll and he screams himself hoarse.

It’s not enough.

You start to pick up on the face. It’s harder to get him to orgasm. Takes longer. He’s struggling to go over the edge-

“Baby” you whisper as you kiss all over his neck. The two of you are naked and sweaty- tucked away, high in the forest trees. On a thick branch. A perch. A hide out of sorts where you can be as loud as you’d like “tell me how to get you off. How to make you feel good”

He can hear the plea in your voice and he sighs. He’s not trying to be difficult, really. He’s not.

But his body needs more.

“I need to be inside of you” he urges and you let out a wounded whine.

That’s not fair.

He knows you want it too.

“Only four more eclipses til the ceremony, Lo. Then you can have my knot” you reassure him, kissing at his cheek and nuzzling it with your own “how else? Tell me what else you want”

He needs to fuck something. His hips twitch and his tender cock aches.

Your hand is already between his sticky thighs, playing with the furled hole between his cheeks-

He grabs it and slides it up until it’s cupping his manhood loosely, his cock in your grip.

You try to mice but he squeezes your wrist in warning “no just keep it there”

You nod, wanting to help him. “Wanna make you feel good”

“You can” he whispers, his breath hot and humid on your ear as he starts to thrust “by doing this”

His hips move- slow at first. A dirty grind. Just enjoying the clutch of your fingers. It’s by no means as wonderful as your pussy will be, but it will just have to do.

The minutes tick on and Lo’ak gets more desperate.

He’s a whining mess. His mouth open, panting out desperate sounds as he fucks your fist. His hips snapping, rhythmless as he looks for release.

“Mhmm, fuck my fist” you instruct him in that melodic voice of yours “does that feel good?”

Lo’ak can barley speak but musters words for you “fuck yeah it does”

“Yeah? You wish that was my pussy instead?” His eyes begin to roll at your vulgar words “wish my knot was squeezing you all tight- that you could shoot your load into my womb?”

Lo’ak shrieks when he comes. High pitched and needy and you eat it all up with a gluttonous chuckle.

Is it hot in here? Or is that just meeeeeee. Ugh.

Not to jinx it but life seems like it’s finally chilling out and I can get back to answering all my horny asks!

[marichive]

𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍 : 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄

Writing / roleplay prompts collected from the POV chapters of Daenerys Targaryen in A Game of Thrones , the first book of the ASOIAF saga. Feel free to adjust pronouns / etc. as needed.

tw: dark & mature themes, death, violence, suggestive / sexual content

❝ Is it really mine? ❞

❝ Tonight you must look like a princess. ❞

❝ What does he want from us? ❞

❝ All they have taken from us, we will have it back. ❞

❝ He will be enraptured. ❞

❝ Do you take me for a fool? ❞

❝ My apologies if I have given offense. ❞

❝ Kings lack the caution of common men. ❞

❝ I shall kill him myself. ❞

❝ Many important men will be at the feast tonight. ❞

❝ No doubt he would pay well for your head. ❞

❝ He will not sleep easy while I live. ❞

❝ I don't want to be his queen. ❞

❝ Please, I don't want to, I want to go home! ❞

❝ How are we to go home? They took our home from us! ❞

❝ If you must wed him and bed him for that, you will. ❞

❝ In time you may even learn to like him. ❞

❝ All things of importance in a man's life must be done beneath the open sky. ❞

❝ He has promised you a crown, and you shall have it. ❞

❝ I council you to be patient. ❞

❝ Guard your tongue or I'll have it out. ❞

❝ There are no more dragons. ❞

❝ There is no privacy here. They do not understand sin or shame as we do. ❞

❝ It is a small thing, my princess, but all a poor exile could afford. ❞

❝ Silver for the silver of your hair. ❞

❝ Is that the only word you know? ❞

❝ It's so beautiful here, I don't want to think about everything dying. ❞

❝ You are learning to talk like a queen. ❞

❝ You dare give commands to me? ❞

❝ Have you forgotten who you are? ❞

❝ Can you wake the dead? ❞

❝ He is still the true king. ❞

❝ It is no matter to them if the high lords play their game of thrones, so long as they are left in peace. They never are. ❞

❝ What do you pray for? ❞

❝ I pray for home, too. ❞

❝ He ought to have come by now, for the feast. ❞

❝ You ought to have gone with him to keep him safe. ❞

❝ He is the only one left. The only one. ❞

❝ He is all I have. ❞

❝ You belong to them now. ❞

❝ Please, [name], it is forbidden! ❞

❝ I want what I came for. ❞

❝ Turn away, my princess, I beg you. ❞

❝ Fire cannot kill a dragon. ❞

❝ I have a chill. Light the brazier. ❞

❝ The poisoner was the first, but he will not be the last. ❞

❝ A few cuts. Nothing of consequence. ❞

❝ You have a gentle heart, but you do not understand. This is how it has always been. ❞

❝ It is not for you to tell me what I cannot do. ❞

❝ This is the way of war. ❞

❝ If you must stay, then help. ❞

❝ I sing of my scars. ❞

❝ You must not say that. ❞

❝ We have ridden far enough today. We will camp here. ❞

❝ For the love you say you bear me, help me now. ❞

❝ I will not let him die! ❞

❝ Weep for him tomorrow, or a year from now. We do not have time for grief. ❞

❝ But why? Why should they kill a little baby? ❞

❝ Better to kill the child than to risk his fury when he grows to manhood. ❞

❝ They must not hurt my son! ❞

❝ Some would say that death is cleaner. ❞

❝ Is there no other way? ❞

❝ Only death may pay for life. ❞

❝ This is bloodmagic. It is forbidden. ❞

❝ The dead will dance here this night. ❞

❝ Bring him back to me. ❞

❝ They say she is accursed. ❞

❝ He did not live. ❞

❝ All the grief has been burned out of me. ❞

❝ Should you be up, weak as you are? ❞

❝ I saw you, alone, dancing with the shadows. ❞

❝ I swear to you, these men will die screaming. ❞

❝ If I look back, I am lost. ❞

❝ See what life is worth, when all the rest is gone. ❞

❝ Do you think bloodmagic is a game for children? ❞

❝ Loose me from these bonds and I will help you. ❞

❝ I am his heir. Whatever was his is mine now. ❞

❝ You shall not be alone. ❞

❝ Come with me. We will see all the wonders yet unseen. ❞

❝ I know what you intend. ❞

❝ I understand that you loved him. ❞

❝ I will not watch you burn. ❞

❝ I was a child yesterday. Today I am a woman. Tomorrow I will be old. ❞

❝ Give me your hand and your heart, and there will always be a place for you. ❞

❝ I vow to serve you, to obey you, to die for you if need be. ❞

❝ Forgive me for all I have done and all I must do. ❞

❝ Is it so far from madness to wisdom? ❞

❝ You swore to obey me, whatever might come. ❞

❝ Do not fear for me. ❞

❝ The fire is mine. Don't you see? ❞

[jingerpi]

Its honestly very concerning how popular ContraPoints video on "Transtrenders" was. I want to make a post discecting it briefly because I feel the video does a disservice to young trans folk looking to learn, instead leaving them feeling unjustified in their indentitiy under the guise of some radical acceptance One of the main issues with the video as a whole is how natalie breaks down existing understandings of trans medicine as a tool to try and unseat transmedicalist talking points, and show how being trans is about personal experience and "feelings". While its important to critique transmedicalists, what she does here is undermine what many people see as the best justification for trans existence without replacing it with anything. She does this in my opinion, because she honestly doesn't have anything to replace it with, and doesn't understand the real basis for gender in the world. Saying this is all well and good, I can critique anyone for not giving good basis for thing but its no help if i don't give anything of substance to back it up either, so heres a brief explanation of why transphobia is a problem, based in actual socio-political analysis.

Patriarchy is an economic structure which has been built up across centuries of accumulated surplus value which was passed down through the eldest son of the ruling class. this is a vast over simplification, but functionally this means there are systems in place in society which privilege men, give them access to more wealth, better positions, and control over non-men. Patriarchy has grown and changed over time and held different shapes depending on the society, we no longer have eldest sons inheriting royal rule (in most places), but we continue to have men as the group with the most economic and social agency in our societies. This privilege that Patriarchs have is constituted not of some magical benefits bestowed upon them from an abstract "system" but are instead taken directly from those who are not men. More specifically, men and Patriarchs take labor and resources from those whom patriarchy considers "non-men". Reproductive labor goes unpaid, women are under privileged in political society, we often don't get choices over our bodies. This isn't merely a coincidence, but serves specifically to give men power and confer more benefits onto them. Because of this, there must be systems in place to manage who is let into the patriarchy, who can be a Patriarch.

The most universal way of doing this is by deciding whether or not someone is a man and conferring onto them certain benefits as long as they uphold this structure, and ostracizing them if they are not. They do this ostracization because if this structure is not upheld artificially through oppression of women and bullying of nonconforming men to keep the categories of man and woman or even man and non-man distinct, the privilege given to the in-group starts to fade. In the same way that "White" is an artificial construct created and upheld to facilitate racism like slavery, imperialism, housing discrimination, and unpaid labor, so too is "manhood" and "womanhood". These constructs appear to be based in existing biology, so they often go without question, but race is also based on such "biology" and that does not mean its a founded construct. The basis for both "race" and "gender" break down once you look at higher level understandings of these concepts. Not all people with xy chromosomes are men, not all people of African decent have black skin, etc etc... I could go on about the "exceptions" for quite some time but you likely know many of them already. These are categories created fundamentally to give one specific category an economic advantage and justify their oppression of those who are outside of said category. The reason we need to respect trans-ness isn't because there is something inherently justified about being transgender, nor because we just have to be really nice to everyone and treat their feelings as absolute truths. Its because the systems which confine us and define gender so rigidly exist purely to oppress and extract value from others. These borders are deeply unjustified and we need to tear them away. We do not need to justify existing outside of the borders, but instead challenge the borders in the first place. Contrapoints fails to meaningfully do this Natalie focuses almost entirely on the arguments surrounding justifications for transness and gives little thought to the justifications for patriarchy. It is treated as a default, always existing, status quo that is unquestionable. It makes me wonder how aware of it she really is, she seems to get stuck in justifying her own existence. the "Transtrenders" video focuses on a discussion between several characters where the primary issue at hand is how to justify being trans, should it be done through medicial, scientific frameworks? or should it be done from a kind and accepting view of others? She makes arguments against the former for being flawed and the latter for being unfounded, but she never actually replaces it with any critique of society, instead saying: "Okay, so what am I supposed to tell Jackie Jackson then? What am I supposed to tell the TERFs? That I'm a woman because reasons?"

"No, not even because reasons. Just because you are."

"So it's what, a leap of faith? Oh great. I'm sure that's gonna convince all the rational skeptics. Justine, it makes us sound completely delusional."

"Well Tiffany, delusion is what separates us from the animals." Which is an extremely unhelpful answer to give after tearing down what is to many, a key aspect in their reasoning for why they are justified in their identities, and while it is partially correct that trying to use one of the specific theories she outlined earlier to justify trans existence is an exercise in futility, she can't seemingly offer any alternative than some kind of "because I said so" when there ARE very good reasons to be in favor of trans acceptance, and historical reasons for our existence. In failing to do so she misleads perhaps an entire generation of trans people into thinking theres no real justification for their existence

The justification comes from understanding that the premise is false, that the forces which try to bind people to a specific societal gender role are themselves the issue.

She tries to point out that we dont need to justify transgender existence because the frameworks which hold us to cisgender existence are the real problem, but without ever talking about these cisgender standards in an actually meaningful way, instead talking abstactly about societies "expectations" or whatnot, where she should could be attacking the real economic forces of patriarchy. She should be tearing down patriarchy first and then using that to liberate trans existence but instead she tears down trans existence without touching patriarchy or any of the coercion or exploitation that arise from it. I consider this a great tragedy, and a prime example of her failures as an educator.

[ccscocoapuffs]

Bill Williamson NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Bill isn't really big on aftercare, he just likes to pull you close to his chest and rub your head as he kisses you and talks to you about his day.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Bill likes his arms the most, he takes pride in the muscle he has built up from all the hard work he does around the camp. Bill loves his partners hips, he loves to have something to hold onto. If you can talk him into dancing while Dutch and Molly have a record on then he's gonna hold onto you hips and sway with you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Bill is a very simple man, he likes to cum deep inside of his partner, given the time period as well this is considered the most normal approach as sex was usually to procreate.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Bill likes to be praised, he would never admit this though. Bill secretly always feels the need for approval and when you praise him it makes the man feel things he can't quite explain.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Bill doesn't have a drastic amount of experience in his life he's had about 3 or 4 partners. He relies alot on his prior experience when it comes to having sex with you but with practice he's a quick learner.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Bill is a die hard cowgirl kinda guy, he loves for you to ride him so he can grab your hips and set the pace to whatever speed he wants or so he can thrust up into you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) Bill is kinda in the middle, he's serious enough to keep the moment alive but he can for sure make you laugh if he wants to. Especially will his reactions when you kiss him in front of the other men in camp or causally sit in his lap at the fire and softly grind without the others noticing.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Bill has a damn bush to say the least, it's the same color as his regular hair but its very thick. He doesn't see the need to shave down there and won't be convinced other wise. Bill claims its his "Manhood" (John would be willing to make a bet with you that Micah convinced him of this)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Bill can be a little awkward at romance, so you'll have to make the first move, Not because he's shy but because he simply isn't that good with words. He does like to sneak you a flower every now and then that he may find while he's out doing who only knows what and if you wanna repay him for his kindness he will gladly head to y'alls tent together for a much deserved reward. On special occasions he likes to take you to the hotels in town for a private night just the two of you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Bill doesn't really masturbate because he stays busy with orders from Dutch, however he has you so he doesn't really see the need either. If you wanna partake in mutual masturbation though during some of your free time he for sure would be down.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Bill is more on the vanilla side but he has a few softer kinks like, praise, body worship, and on occasion he likes to lay you over his knee and give you a few spanks.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Bill likes the privacy of you tent, however if you two wanna head out to one of the nicer hotels in Valentine or even out in Strawberry he takes advantage of the complete privacy you two have and will keep you up all night long making sure you have one hell of a night together.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) He loves when you walk up to him while he's sitting by the fire and you start to slowly rub up and down his back before you slide into his lap and whisper all the thing dirty things you want him to do to you in his ear. Nothing turns him on quite like that, he also loves showing the others in camp that you are his, whether this be by him coming up to you and slapping your ass or by lifting u up and walking straight to the tent with you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Bill doesn't like the thought of anybody seeing what's his, so he prefers to keep you all to himself in the bedroom and if any of the other men walk in he may just kill them.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Bill prefers receiving to giving. When you suck Bill's dick he loves to occasionally thrust his his into your mouth and here you gag. As for giving Bill likes to sit you up on the table and get down on his knees before diving in. Bill tends to get a little carried away and can over stim you very easy so you may have to be prepared to push his head away if you get to overstimulated.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Bill likes to keep it on the more medium side of pace, Making sure his thrusts are long and deep. Bill also likes sensuality during sex but he keeps that by making sure to kiss up and down your neck leaving a few hickeys while he ravishes you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Bill is always down for a quickie, he loves to sneak you away to some places he finds throughout his adventures and fuck you there before anyone comes looking for you two or before someone passes by.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Bill likes risk but he keeps it minimal, as previously mentioned he wants no one else to see what's all his, so he keeps that in mind when he takes risk's, Bill also takes into account the thing's you say yes and no to before any risks are taken.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) Bill can usually go for about 2 rounds before he's done, he loves to use one round just for oral and the second round for absolutely railing you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) shirt answer is no, Toys weren't really big in his time let alone a thing all that much. So no bill doesn't use them, However, if you're going for modern AU Bill then you could probably talk him into using a vibrator while he fucks you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Bill actually can be quite the tease, He likes to make you blush in front of the other girls, which usually ends up with Mrs. Grimshaw yelling at him to leave you alone and go do something else where,

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Bill is loud to say the least, he likes to moan and grunt so you know not only he is feeling good but so the other guys on camp know your all his and you both love each other enough to fuck each other so good.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Bill acts like he is a hard-ass and takes no shit, while that's true in some sense he's a big teddy bear deep down especially with you and he has a soft spot for animals.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Bill is about 5 1/2 inches in length, what he lacks in length he makes up for in girth, he's so thick you're still able to see a tummy bulge when you two fuck.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) High, Bill would never admit it but he longs for you all the time, sometimes he has to go away from camp for a few days on a job and while he's away that yearning gets stronger and stronger leading to hi going straight to you as soon as he gets back home.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Fairly quick, he likes to snuggle you and talk to you for a minute first before he gets cozy with you under the blankets and falls asleep, however if he's drunk and you two fuck, he goes to bed almost instantly afterwards.

[tomwambsgans]

that gay brother/little sister post you reblogged was soooo juicy so now i wanna ask your thoughts on gay roman (i’m absolutely a gay roman truther)

so i'm not attached enough to roman to have TOO many pre-formed thoughts on this but i'm gay enough i can't not have thoughts, so. another disclaimer, due to my lack of attachment i'm not whatsoever married to the notion of either kendall or roman (or shiv for that matter) being gay as opposed to bi. however i have eyes and a brain so i know they're all not straight, like that much is basically textual.

but anyway. when it comes to any of the roy siblings and homosexuality, i'll say my very first thought is this monologue from Angels in America. not that they would necessarily have that exact ideology about it, but those notions would greatly inform their attitude about themselves. imo roman, with his inclination toward fascistic masculinity in particular, would be the most likely to overtly think these things, and i do think he kind of does. roman knows that he's unable to get off with normative sex, but he also explicitly derides "liberal butt-love" and implicitly (sometimes explicitly) all the non-conforming and gender-bending stuff that goes along with it. that's at least partially because he's talking about a category of people that he does not belong to, due to being far above it. it's often the case for those who are rich and powerful and condemn the same "deviant" practices that they themselves engage in, whether it's gay sex, or just generally non-normative sex, abortion, etc. it's okay for me, but not for you.

but that's just one piece to roman's puzzle because there's also clearly shame wrt masculinity (logan's masculinity) and also some sexual trauma involved. i think kieran and/or one of the writers has said something about not wanting to pin Why Roman Is Like That on anything in particular, like not wanting to definitively say that something happened to him as a kid, but honestly i think it's extremely unlikely that he'd be like that about sex if nothing did. maybe it was very complicated and it not any singular event, but there's got to be something. some sexual depth to his childhood abuse that never got explicitly touched on. other people much more invested in roman than i have done really good meta on the roys' relationships to their bodies (like w the Summer of Competetive Eating Disorders), so i'm not gonna try to rehash those other ppl's thoughts, but in short that's the sort of thing i think of when i'm trying to imagine what the fuck happened to roman. like just over-arching themes of The Boot throughout roman's life, the lack of ownership over his own body in a way that reflects femininity and strips him of manhood, whether at home or at military school, etc.

i mean, we (as in the audience) are definitely at least supposed to wonder, like when it's implied that Mo's pederasty wasn't exclusive to girls (Don't Get In The Pool With Him), but also, if anything of that nature happened to him and informed roman's relationship with his sexuality, i have to also think that roman doesn't actually remember. his whole thing in austerlitz where he jokes to connor "i'm gonna tell them you diddled me" gives me the sense that maybe roman just kind of wishes it was that cut-and-dry, because then he'd have something specific to blame his whole deal on.

anyway. this is about roman being gay, not specifically sexually Weird - i just think the context of all that is relevant to how he'd conceptualize himself and any gay feelings he has. and i do think that if and when roman has ever had sex with men, he probably does lump it in with the fact that he can't have Normal sex. i think roman would have to undergo a lot of character development to ever consider it normal sex. honestly, simply recieving a handjob from his personal trainer was likely "wrong" enough for roman to get off despite how the average gay man would see it as extremely vanilla compared to roman needing to be degraded or fantasizing about necrophilia. growing up with logan "i didn't figure you for a faggot" roy would have, of course, really reinforced the ideas about that being Wrong.

(speaking of logan dropping the f slur, i think it's interesting that despite how roman acts anti-woke in front of others, he's shocked when logan says it. it's clearly crossing a line even for him, almost certainly because he's been abused with this word throughout his life. :'/)

so yeah i don't think roman would ever call himself gay (or even bi or queer) even if he is. and as for the matter of if he is, like as in, if tabitha and gerri are exceptions... i honestly don't know, but i don't think roman knows either. i think the relationship he has with love and sex, his own body and others, the very concept of desire and the love and affection and closeness he seeks out... are genuinely so gnarled and complicated, and wrapped up in all the aforementioned shame and abuse, that figuring out where gender factors into it would - once again - basically require years of therapy on his part.

it's definitely very plausible to me that kinky, non-normative sex is something he only needs in order to get off with women because he has no innate desire for them even when he loves them (and roman definitely has a lot of love inside of him that he will bend over backwards to give and recieve). but it's just as plausible that roman's association of feelings of wrongness with sexual pleasure is in fact unrelated to whatever gendered desire he has or doesn't have. his attraction to men is, funnily enough, more undeniable to me than his attraction to women is, but i do think that how it's portrayed in the show emphasizes roman's role in the world more than desire he holds inside of him. i always think of that one tweet that's like "whenever there's a guy that needs to be seduced, instead of shiv or some other hot woman they send roman." and his role as the Desired One (aka Practically A Woman) is likely a sort of spite factor in him wanting to deny overt homosexual interest too, since it's kind of imposed on him before he has a chance to say anything about who he is.

it's funny bc roman is the one male character where like... i simultaneously like the idea of them being gay and enjoy their relationships with women. he's just so complicated that he kind of exists outside the constructions of sexual orientation? like not in the "he's closeted and he's never coming out so even if he's gay, he's also not" way, but "this guy would not be able to figure out how to define attraction or desire to begin with." gerri being the love of his life and the notion of him being gay are not whatsoever mutually exclusive in my mind, because he's just that complicated.

finally i wanna say, again, that i'm not extremely attached to roman. nowhere near to the degree that i care about tom and greg. which i say because yknow.. i want to kill and maim when i see anything implying that either tom or greg are anything but gay. idk how you feel about it but i'd totally sympathize if you were the same about roman, lol. and i wanna emphasize that it's very likely the only reason i'm not necessarily a gay roman truther is because i haven't thought about it enough. i'd love to see anyone else's gay roman meta if they have it.

[tiptapricot]

well now i does is have to know your transfem marc thoughts

TWO OF YOU! Ok. Ok I will talk ab it.

SO. Transfem Marc is this headcanon I’ve had for a while that I have a hard time explaining. He just has the vibes for it? Something about leaning into masculinity so hard it feels like it circles back to not being a dude, along with some other stuff.

(Talk of sys’s trauma, Marc’s bad coping, and some talk of sex and kink at end but not super explicit or in depth so you can skip if needed)

To start, Marc is a gruff man, he’s a guy who represses his emotions and his mental health issues and his trauma. He’s autistic and masks heavily, scared of emotional intimacy and the ways that being different can make you a target. He wears simple bland clothes that are predictable and reliable and don’t stand out. He went to the military, then into mercenary work, then into the service of a god. He has spent so much of his life fitting into boxes and predetermined expectations for how he should be, burying his feelings under violence and anger and emotional repression.

And there’s just a vibe there.

That’s sort of where it started for me, along with occasionally thinking of gender headcanons for the sys members (which is a whole other post). Marc had this flavor to him I couldn’t really name? He wasn’t a cis man, even though he appeared like one, and while I love transmasc MK sys headcanons and do have that as a side pocket headcanon, there was also just… woman vibes?? Truly idk.

Then I started fleshing out my expanded system roster and worked out my version of Inner Child from the Ultimate Marvel universe, and like… that is a little girl inside them. A kid to hold their innocence and place in childhood, the idealized self away from what they experienced. And she’s a girl.

I just kept reflecting on that, on what that piece of them meant. Women are socially and stereotypically seen as more innocent than men, as kinder, softer, so maybe it’s that, maybe just their brain finding a child they couldn’t be to maintain what they didn’t have. A separation for projection. A little girl who got through things instead of a little boy. But that… again there’s just this feeling to me of more.

Cause also like… Marc could never be that. He didn’t get the chance to be that. He was beaten into the shape of a little boy who was wrong. Was the one who had the name of their body, the weight of being the person everyone thought they were. And he had to keep doing that far into their adulthood. Be the Man, the Soldier, the Husband. There’s a safety in masculinity, one he can keep hold of, a script he’s always known and doesn’t have to think about with everything else going on. Being a man makes it easier, or at least feels like it does, but it’s a performance, a role he’s taken on for protection.

Boxes and boundaries and forcing yourself into a role that does not fully encapsulate you is an experience that connects with so many people, so many lives and states of self, but I just couldn’t shake trans vibes. And then it’s like. Where do you go from there?

Because if that is the case for Marc and we look at him through that lens, then… man.

It would be something that grows. Deep down there’s this niggling feeling he can’t place, and doesn’t want to because it means too much, opens too many avenues.

How can he recognize that facet of himself, that he may not be fully A Man, when thats just something else to make him different, something else to make him incorrect, something else to come to terms with when he doesn’t have the time.

How can he recognize that facet of himself when that’s one of the last lines of separation between him and Wendy.

He doesn’t want to feel closer to her, doesn’t want to feel more like her than he “already is.”

He sees his bad habits, his own stubbornness and anger and brashness, how he hurts those close to him, how he drinks when he’s angry and grieving and can’t put the bottle down. He’s too close. And so manhood is a way to distance himself, to not feel like a piece of her is lodged in him, is inescapable, that he is becoming the woman who hurt him.

But being a woman, sometimes, in some ways…Maybe that’s just him. And restricting that, holding it back, is the real thing that would echo Wendy’s hurt. Embracing the woman Marc has made himself ignore and finding his arms around himself and knowing he doesn’t have to be scared of her… it’s healing.

Part of it may be how he formed, that need for separation, that maybe a daughter would’ve been treated better than a son, or maybe it was always something in that young child, a space that didn’t fit that he held on to. He can’t know for sure, but it doesn’t really matter. I think he’d try to rationalize it some, think about it in regards to why he exists and how he was shaped, but in the end… he exists how he does either way, feels what he does either way, wants what he does either way. That won’t change.

(Mild sex/kink talk, skip to asterisks if needed)

Though not how I always imagine it playing out (I have a lot of various headcanon timelines in my head that are not always existing at once) I think one of the ways this discovery could get pushed forward could be via crossdressing play with Layla. They go into it in an attempt to test out how letting go of hypermasculine roles may help Marc let go of control, let go of tension and expectation, and it just… hits. It broils something up in Marc’s gut that is warm and confusing and overwhelming. Layla calls him a good girl, calls him pretty, loves him in that way, and for a moment he realizes how much he wants that, how it floods him with a relief of not having to hold onto a singular role anymore. And it just… forces those questions into the forefront, makes him think about them, grapple with them, try and explore them.

********

I don’t see Marc as a trans woman. I kind of place him in this bi-gender/gender fluid kind of space. Sometimes he’s a man, but sometimes he’s a woman too. Not a super feminine one. He still uses Marc and doesn’t get deep into heavy makeup or wigs or dresses, but maybe some lipstick or eyeliner, some looser hair now and then, a change in pronouns. He’s a woman because he is, and not when he’s not. Maybe has bracelets to signal how he feels since he’s not great at communicating wants and boundaries in words.

Maybe it goes further over time, but he also seems like the type of person, an older, complicated, queer person, who still sticks to what he knows, and understanding and engaging with himself authentically within that is enough.

Overall just… transfem Marc settles in right for me. A realization of identity that didn’t surface until so late because there was so much else he had to keep himself afloat through, and recognizing that there was more (just like we see with his ignoring of Jake) would’ve been too much to handle. But when it’s able to be real, when he’s able to touch that piece of himself and recognize it’s there, it’s a huge step in his growth and acceptance, in releasing the tension of hiding that he’s gotten so used to.

So yeah :-)

(Id for ask screenshot in ALT)

[quark-nova]

Do including t4t folks who date outside their gender include nblnb and nblm/nblw? Does it include people in these groups who are in an AMAB+AFAB relationship? IDK if this is tmi, I'm AMAB transneutral enby, my husband is a AFAB trans man. We've been together a decade , he's currently also pregnant: we're in the process of having a child. Whenever we bring up our relationship in t4t spaces, people either treat me like a cis man who doesn't belong in these spaces and as if our relationship is basically c4t MLM, or treat him as as a bi butch woman as opposed to a trans man especially when people found out he was pregnant and wasn't interested in his explicitly queer masculinity and transition making him identical to a cis man.

Plus, neither of us really pass due to how we present ourselves, I at most look like a flamboyant gay man, tall lanky hairy and bearded who plays around with makeup expression but doesn't gravitate towards feminine wear. He's gendered as a butch lesbian almost exclusively as opposed to a man, he doesn't bind which alone gets him misgendered, he wears masc clothing but a variety of factors in which he presents himself and even basic things such as how his voice sounds are enough for him to lose that association with manhood and gets him clocked. Do I need to be transfem and transition to look like a woman for our relationship to be seen as "t4t" enough? I'm not a trans woman or transfem and I'll never be, does that make me a cis invader incroaching on actual t4t people? Does he have to transition specifically in a way to fit cis centric standard of manhood, does he have to desire top and bottom surgery as opposed to "just" hormones in order to be seen as his actual gender in t4t spaces? Are t4t people not allowed to have children nautrally, does that makes us too close to cishets in their eyes for people's comfort?

We have mutual nblnb friends , same AMAB+AFAB, agender + multigender. Both of them present in ways that align with their AGAB, they're not men or women but their relationship in t4t spaces has been dismissed and treated as a "cishet relationship" constantly, with them being actively misgendered even in trans positive spaces. Are they just straight too, silly little cishets who want to hog up t4t resources from? Do t4t relationships only count as queer if they're binary/binary? If both people have the same gender? If people go through full medical transition? If they're both the same AGAB? What makes t4t inherently worthy in the eyes of people within the community, none of us are aware because we've all been actively excluded or dismissed for one reason or another, had our transness intrinsically erased due to not being the "expected" t4t couple.

The way people talk about t4t as this club which queerness is so narrow and if you fall out of what's expected for t4t you're basically straight? There are straight t4t people who are awesome and face their own isolation within queer spaces that I cannot speak on, so I won't. Having different AGABs or not being strictly MLM/WLW just feels like a quick way to get misgendered or to have your queerness and transness taken into question. It sucks. T4T is celebrated but only if you're a certian type of T4T.

Yes, both you and your friends should absolutely be included in T4T discussions! These are an extremely valuable experiences that you're bringing, and dismissing it as "c4t" or "cishet" is just misgendering. NB4NB relationships are not any less queer, and they're not "cishet lite" just for being of different AGABs - once more, it's reducing nonbinary people down to their AGAB, which is sad to see so often in queer/trans spaces.

I haven't been in T4T relationships myself so I can't comment on the isolation that some kinds of T4T relationships face, but it's absolutely true that some types get talked about more than others, creating unfair expectations for people whose relationships don't fit inside this norm. Which is sad, as subverting expectations of gender like you do is as queer as queer can be!

[genderkoolaid]

I remember at one point seeing a cis woman on here talking about how she dodnt like being called Mx (as opposed to Miss or Ms) because as a kid she had bullies degender her for being fat and queer.

And like that's a perfectly reasonable request, and as far as I saw people were very respectful of it (though there might have been backlash i missed) but i think a lot of the same people who see "denying a girl access to womanhood because of her weight can be traumatizing" don't extend the same compassion to men being denied access to manhood

(re: men not wanting to be called princess being labeled toxic masculinity, also that one TikTok about using they for trans men who specifically use he)

"but i think a lot of the same people who see "denying a girl access to womanhood because of her weight can be traumatizing" don't extend the same compassion to men being denied access to manhood"

Yes!!! Yes!!!!!!!

I've been thinking a lot about "gender wounds" which is just what I've been calling trauma that comes from gender-based cruelty, whether its degrading you for your gender or forcibly alienating you from it. Gender is an important part of a lot of people's identity and having that attacked can be really traumatizing. So many men experience this but its also so normalized. Like you said, a lot of people can understand how being denied access to your womanhood is traumatizing, even when you are cis, but don't see it the same with men. "Fragile masculinity" is so often said with such lack of compassion, but being terrified of having your gender revoked for the slightest misstep is traumatizing.

The appropriate response is not "don't be a baby, just embrace being feminine!" because honestly, that's not much better than "don't be a baby, just be more masculine!", and doesn't do much to actually help (esp cis) men understand how they are being negatively impacted by the patriarchy.

To quote Jennifer Coates:

"Have you noticed, when a product is marketed in an unnecessarily gendered way, that the blame shifts depending on the gender? That a pink pen made “for women” is (and this is, of course, true) the work of idiotic cynical marketing people trying insultingly to pander to what they imagine women want? But when they make yogurt “for men” it is suddenly about how hilarious and fragile masculinity is — how men can’t eat yogurt unless their poor widdle bwains can be sure it doesn’t make them gay? #MasculinitySoFragile is aimed, with smug malice, at men—not marketers."

When we see things like Yogurt For Men, we should respond with "isn't it fucked up that the patriarchy makes men feel like every single aspect of their lives needs to be appropriately manly or else they are failures?" because that's actually pointing to the systematic source of the problem.

[thatweirdtranny]

responding to your recent #transandrophobia post: yeah. it’s almost like radfems have been invading the community since the 1970s and before and the only way trans women can feel safe to discuss transmisogyny is to assimilate into the radfem status quo. transmascs do it too when they talk about afab socialization. all trying to paint cis women as the most oppressed gender and trans people’s oppression as just a fraction of what cis women experience. where trans women get the social consequences of womanhood and trans men get the biological consequences. this is wrong. really the narrow definition of womanhood and manhood is equally the problem as sexism is, so radical feminism and its adjacent movements will never completely and respectfully define trans experiences. arguably, transandrophobia is so much less terfy and more accurate of a term than afab socialization but gets more backlash because of radical feminism. trans women see transmascs trying to assimilate into radfeminism and approximate themselves to cis women and that rightfully upsets them, so they try to assimilate into radfeminism even harder too. both artificially constructed “sides” would be better off abandoning radical feminism completely. doesn’t mean people can’t hate men on a personal level, but making that your politics will always have consequence.

my take is basically: we need to root out all forms of radical feminism (whether exclusive or inclusive of different groups of trans people) from our communities and spaces and i definitely think there are plenty of trans people of all genders falling hook line and sinker for radical feminism, but that the creation of terms like transandrophobia and transmisogyny and exorsexism are critical to combating all forms of radical feminism and transphobia

i think hating men is a core part of being a radfem, and it’s the easiest radfem dog whistle to spot. it’s a huge component of transmisogyny AND transandrophobia. therefore, hating men and the bs justification for hating all men needs to be stamped out. make there be social consequences for it. you can’t claim to want gender based liberation if you paint all men as inherently enemies and all women as perpetual victims.

most of all though my take is we need widespread solidarity between all groups of trans people. it frustrates me to no end that a vocal group of trans people (of all genders!) have such a problem with transmascs creating terminology for our oppression and discussing our experiences, instead of leaning into solidarity. we could all be united but instead we have the current climate of discourse that seems to repeat itself every couple years. that’s why i like the term transunity — it reframes the discussion to be around radical solidarity and discourages infighting between different groups of trans people.

[boreal-sea]

Your post about how cis people actually like their assigned genders reminds me of a similar phenomenon on the flip side. Like, I've encountered a number of "men" who sure seem to hate living as men, but they assume all men feel the same. You see this with radfem allies who are disgusted at manhood but interpret that disgust as objective truth instead of dysphoria and don't realize they have other options, and with reactionaries who see manhood as a constant struggle against inner "weakness" but consider persisting in that struggle to be nobler than jumping ship. I myself still find it unintuitive that anyone would want to be a man, so I admire trans men for making it work when I never could.

Yeah, definitely!! I think if more people talked about their gender and explored it, we'd all be happier.

I think there are a lot of AFAB people who genuinely aren't women - and a lot of AMAB people who genuinely aren't men - but they just go with those labels because we equate man with male and woman with female.

"No woman feels like a woman!" - But they do. A lot of women feel like women. Both cis women and trans women can feel like women. If you don't feel like a woman but still identify as female that's a valid identity

That's MY identity!!! I'm not a woman, but I'm definitely female! And I'm on HRT and I like presenting as masc, etc etc. For me, that means the trans experience is closer to how I feel about myself than the cis experience.

I really think we need to talk more about folks who feel "I am the sex I was assigned at birth but not the gender I was assigned at birth, BUT I'm also not trans, I'm a 3rd, neutral thing".