#like if someone has openly talked about not having a great time in their ex group due to the company

[pricklypanda]

i keep seeing all these discussions about kpop group dynamics and which groups are more like friends and which groups are more coworkers and its so interesting that this sort of dissection and analysis only happens with girl groups? like ive never seen a boy group's group dynamics picked apart the way nearly every girl group has

ik this is all rhetorical obv lol its the underlying misogyny and the assumption that girls are more drama/"women are women's greatest enemy" bullshit but idk its grown even more with 2nd gen groups also making reunions and their dynamics getting picked apart as well

like im genuinely curious are there any boy groups that have iffy group dynamics that were picked apart? are we just assuming all the guys are besties and have amazing relationships or are we more accepting of whatever dynamics they may have be it friends or coworkers? and that same courtesy isnt extended to the girls (bc it rly is ok if a group aren't best friends for life lol they were put together by a company they're not obliged to always get along on a personal level)

anyway its just fascinating how this group dynamics gossip or controversies always happens with girl groups and there's barely any mention of it with dudes

[cloudcountry]

I need Jamil with a male crush who is kinda impossible to embarrass with teasing.

Like if Jamil teases him, he'll respond by:

A. Bluntly responding in a literal manner (ex: "Aw, it's almost as if you love me" "of course, to me you're the most sublime creature in Twisted Wonderland")

B. A witty/teasing reply

C. He'll go very pink but he won't hide it and has the biggest smile on his face

Basically, the reader makes no effort to hide how much he absolutely adores Jamil. How does Jamil go about flirting and asking him out properly?

SUMMARY: male!reader takes great pleasure in watching jamil squirm (lovingly <3)

COMMENTS: so many jamil requests woooow hes so popular!! isnt his birthday coming up. am i crazy.

Jamil doesn’t understand how one boy can send him into hysterics. Well, not exactly hysterics, as he seems put together to everyone else. Rest assured, on the inside, you have him confused and calculating his next move.

He doesn’t know what your next course of action will be or if you have an ulterior motive or not. You’re clearly not trying to reach Kalim, he notices how quickly you ditch Kalim for him every time you see him around.

He ignores how satisfied that makes him. He is not reveling in your attention even a little bit. Maybe it would be reassuring if you had some angle that you were working, but he’s sure you don’t because you’re just not that kind of guy. He’d be able to tell if you were someone like him.

He still remembers the first time you pulled something on him, smiling so kindly and giving him praise after he’d made a meal for Scarabia. You’d offered to help too, but he’d shut you down immediately out of instinct.

Throughout the night you kept finding ways to talk to him, playing various board games with him and cracking jokes to make him laugh. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, not for you, but then you said he looked so nice when he smiled.

It was unexpected. Such a simple compliment and such a lovestruck gaze were all it took to have him freezing in place, unsure of how to proceed. He finally manages to get out that your smile is lovely too (a compliment for a compliment.)

You don’t take the compliment and leave it alone, no. You start raving about how pretty his hair is, and how his eyes are the most gorgeous color, and how it’s lovely how he’s so competent and wow he’s so smart...

“Careful,” Jamil warns, “If you keep flattering people like that they’ll start to think you’re after something.”

“I’m only after one thing.” you lean closer, a stupid grin on your face and for a second Jamil takes you seriously, “Your heart.”

Ever since that day, it’s been like a competition between the two of you. Jamil makes a smug remark and you hit back twice as hard. Sometimes you’ll laugh to yourself and he can tell you’re flustered from your body language alone.

His flirting can come off as a bit awkward or even frustrated if you can read him well enough, but that’s only because he’s trying to get a leg up on you and you’re not giving him anything to stand on.

Like, come on. Do you have to be such a genuine, good-hearted guy that you just say what you mean? There’s no game for Jamil to even play?

Eventually it all comes to a head one day when Jamil pulls you aside, more exasperated than he’s ever been. He isn’t aiming to confess, but the way he talks about all of your interactions and how frustrated he is about not being able to pin down your character makes it obvious.

So obvious, of course, that you start smiling and giving him that lovestruck look again! He’ll get even more agitated, demanding that you spit out whatever you’re trying to do and just get this over with because he is at his wit’s end—

“I just love you.” you say. And that’s all you say.

Ultimately, I don’t think Jamil would confess first. I think he’d be way too far into his own head because of your way of approaching him to even think of it. Jamil is playing mind games and you’re just openly adoring him!

TAGLIST -> jamil's jewels . . . @vivigoesinsane @identity-theft-101 @dove-da-birb

[spicyicetea]

So I got the new Pokemon DLC for Christmas and I’m on a big Pokemon kick currently so I’m going to give a gift to my fellow Pokémon lovers. Now I’m more well known for Yandere work but I also do love doing more soft romantic stuff. It heals my traumatised self. So I’ve decided to go through all Pokémon games I’ve played and write romantic and yandere sfw+slight Nsfw headcannons for every character I personally like. [No DLC content because I haven’t played any of them yet]. If there are any characters I haven’t done that anyone wants, either comment or request and I can add it onto this post. Merry late Christmas!

As mentioned before, these posts will contain NSFW topics like violence and sexual references, so if you’re triggered by these topic please be careful. The reader in this is also a Fem reader, I can redo this post for a Masc or GN reader if wanted but I’m writing it as Fem currently is just easiest for me. I don’t describe appearance like skin colour or hair but I do write the Y/N with a curvy figure in mind (I can’t help myself, I love thick thighs IM SORRY-)

Kanto

Red

Ah the original silent protagonist. I love this man so much, even more after his cameo is Sun and Moon. I’m not sure what it is about him but he has this strange allure to him, although I doubt that’s a unique opinion on silent characters. Anyway, onto the headcannons.

This is almost a given with the silent types but I feel like he is an amazing listener, only ever nodding to show he’s still listening or giving small “mhms”

You’re probably the only one he comfortably talks to other than Blue.

In public he likes holding your hand, he often communicates through squeezing your hand or fiddling with your fingers.

Psychic boyfriend No.1

This man can just tell what you need, when you need it. Whether it’s comfort cuddles after a bad day of for period troubles.

Speaking of period troubles, this man not only will buy you whatever you need, he’ll wash the sheets, run you a bath and let you use him as a personal heater.

Yandere + NSFW

This man doesn’t open up to people easily yet you made him fall apart.

You made him stutter, drop things and slip up in battles when you cheered for him, he’s whipped.

You were the only woman that’s ever caught his attention and you aren’t leaving him anytime soon.

So get used to him possessively having a hand on you at all times, glaring daggers at any other person you pay attention to.

He’s a very private person so isn’t one to leave marks on you openly, but he does take great pleasure in leaving dark marks on your thighs.

Speaking of thighs… he’s a giver, do what you want with that.

Blue

Ah the smug bastard rival, and I promise you… he’s still insufferable, but in a loving way.

Bullies you playfully. A day doesn’t go by where he doesn’t mess up your hair and trip you up.

But he loves you truly.

You could not have asked for a more cuddly man, I didn’t expect to have this headcannon but I imagine this man is very eager to stay cuddled up to you as much as possible.

Although he talks a lot and loves it when you compliment him, I also think he’s a good listener, but like I’m a hype man way.

He’ll sit by the bathroom door while you’re in the bath letting you vent about anything you want just egging you on. “Wow she sounds like a bitch-“

A man who loves PDA, it’s his favourite way of staking his claim on your beautiful self.

Yandere + NSFW

Has dated his fair share of girls, but he wants you so bad.

He will fight for you, no matter what. This man will abuse whatever position he has to impress you. A relative of the professor’s, ex Champion, and a gym leader. He will do whatever he can to have you.

He is incredibly touchy, the moment other people aren’t looking, his hands are under your shirt. Nibbling your neck and kissing your earlobes. Actually he’d do that even with people watching,

Although he’d be mighty mad if someone watched your gorgeous body, he might even hurt someone.

Brock

This man is underrated.

The most loveable family man you’ll ever meet.

He loves to cook for you. Everyday. Please let this man make you breakfast in bed.

In fact no, he wants you to cook with him. All romantic. His chest to your back, whispering sweet nothings in your ears while you chop up vegetables.

If you get along with his siblings, he will propose to you on the spot.

Very openly affectionate, but never goes further than a hug in public… ok maybe you can get a kiss on the cheek.

Yandere + NSFW

This man has a breeding kink… you can’t change my mind.

He wants a nice big family and the idea of you, heavy and round with his baby. Not to mention how your… other assets will change.

Will happily suffocate in your tits, and if you’re pregnant, he will help relieve any discomfort you have.

If another man hurt you in any way, he’s going to go… missing. He’d break a man in half over his knee for you, and his Onix is very strong.

Lance

Am I the only one who would smash? Yes? No? Alrighty-

He’s always hits me as a someone who likes spending time with his lover in silence.

Not opposed to PDA but gets worried about his fans potentially harassing you, let’s you borrow his dragonite to escort you between towns.

Away from the public and just with his friends (elite four mainly) he loves to have you by his side, often whispering things about his day to you, information he only shares with you.

Also a man who is very hot, like he’s warm constantly, will be the best snuggler when it’s cold.

Yandere + NSFW

Originally I thought this man would be rather… vanilla but I feel like he’d be into wax play. I can’t explain it, but I can picture him loving to spill wax all over your tits.

For the more yandere side of things, he’s the strongest dragon trainer in Kanto. He will use his influence to make himself your only option, not that you’d realise, he’s not an idiot.

Giovanni

BARK BARK BARK GRRR MAFIA DADDY-

Your relationship is hidden very well from most people, you don’t get to villain status with a clean record and no enemies.

Despite that, you love a life of luxury baby.

He loves nothing more than to pamper you. His beautiful girl sat on his lap, with her hair all done up and nails all pretty. Now that’s the life.

Yandere + NSFW

I think he has great Yandere potential.

You sat comfortably on his lap in his office, his hands trailing comfortably under your skirt.

He loves watching you squirm as his fingers traces tight circles- well that’s all you get for now.

As I mentioned before, I believe he’d default to yandere to be honest.

He would not hesitate to kidnap but I like the idea that he’d try and woo you first. Dinner dates… wine… murdering his competitors.

Yeah, he’d be a yandere.

Johto

(I’m ashamed to admit I’ve never played these ones so I have no significant opinion on any of the characters)

Hoenn

Steven

This is just a crow in a human form, mr I love shiny rocks (me fr fr)

His love language is most definitely gift giving. Your shared house is littered with crystals and shiny things he’s found over his travels.

He loves to press kisses all over your fingers, buying you as many rings as possible for you and him to match. If he buys himself a new ring you’re getting one too.

Loves showing you off to the elite four, and begs that his dad approves. Not that he needs his approval but it’d be awkward if he didn’t.

Yandere + NSFW

Possessive as fuck.

You ain’t getting away from him easily. He will track you down as long as he needs to before you calm down and quit running away.

Loves pampering you once you behave though.

He kisses up your legs to your thighs, such passionate loving words followed by the mantra of “dirty girl” and “slut”

Maxie

Ok all the villains just radiate Yandere energy- so they’re all gonna be pure yandere + NSFW warning

This man doesn’t have it in him to kidnap someone… oh wait that’s a lie.

When he met you that all changed

He needs you, he would hurt anyone to get you to himself.

He’d leave dark bites on your neck, massaging your hips to tangle you together.

Another man I think would be into wax play, also a corruption kink. (No I won’t elaborate)

Archie

Big brute of a man… he’s going to make you beg for his mercy.

He loves holding you in his lap, cradling you delicately while he peppers kisses along your neck.

Will bite you, this man is a shark and will leave slightly bloody bite marks all over your body.

This man eats pussy for breakfast, you will never not cum first, a truly good man.

He is far more eager to kill a man to prove his love for you than he should be.

Sinnoh

I’ll be honest I tried to but I’m tired and I’m just going to be writing Yandere and NSFW headcannons. I’m sorry people-

Barry

This boy is so happy to finally have met someone who loves him… you’re not allowed to leave, he’ll cry.

For some reason I see this mans as wanting a family… he wants to be a more present father than his own.

Not one to leave marks on you but will beg you to stay home so he can cuddle and pamper you all day.

When he eventually takes over the battle frontier (he so would you can’t tell em otherwise) he will use that position to “protect you”.

Cyrus

Ah yes, the cold emotionless man who falls for a sweet woman and kills all competition… I approve!

PDA? Who is that? The most you’ll get from him is his hand on your shoulder moment before he orders team galactic to handle someone who was making moves on you.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. You’re the only woman he could ever love.

He lays awkwardly in bed but melts when your head rests on his chest, that was when the yandere switch flipped and he locked you in his apartment.

At least the man lays some good pipe, also this man has a bondage kink cause I said so.

Unova

Elesa

You think that the world won’t notice the famous model and gym leader with a girl on her arm. You’re going to end up centre of the Unova news for the next month.

She loves this though, now everyone knows you belong to her, and anyone who ignores that will just get zapped.

Prepare to share clothes, and prepare for her to watch you undress, she can’t help herself.

The woman loves to zap you, just lightly though, you’ll live… and probably cum.

Emmett + Ingo

Yes you get both, these two are a package deal ok?

Now… prepare to never leave their sight.

They want you at every battle, cheering them on, cuddling with the Joltiks or napping in their office using their coats as blankets.

Now… ok these two are kinky. They just are-

Ingo is 100% a family man, big breeding kink.

I think Emmett is more, adventurous, bondage and impact play seems right in my opinion.

Love to… “threaten” to throw people on the tracks when they flirt with you.

N

Aww what a sweet little thing, come and give me a hug- now time to hide you away where no one can ever see you again!

Honestly, he probably fell for you after seeing your relationship with your Pokemon. Almost every Pokemon you see likes you.

He’s very possessive over you. It’s no secret that he was raised in an incredibly unhealthy way, so he can’t exactly discern between inappropriate and appropriate behaviour in pursuing his courtship with you.

Now onto more NSFW art themes, he 100% praises you constantly and makes sure you’re tended to first. Often ends up super pent up because he wants to take care of you but sometimes go so far and overstimulates you. Don’t worry, the aftercare is amazing though.

Ghetsis

. . . Bastard

I’m only including this mother fucker because he’s so evil he’d be one of the most extreme Yanderes out of all of them. And because if still smash because I’m sinful-

The moment he sees you and falls for you, you can bet you’re getting kidnapped, sorry you just are.

I would bet money that he is the most possessive out of all of them but, and hear me out, would also be kinda attentive?

I can totally picture him being cold and accidentally upsetting you only to spend the rest of the next day showering you on gifts.

You’d also be seen as a god to the rest of team plasma, so enjoy being worshipped.

Oh and NSFW… spanking, degrading and tying you up, enjoy

Colress

Ah yes, my adorable scientist that I think is a kinky motherfucker-

He would make a collar to track you when you leave his side, he isn’t too keen on the idea of locking you insider after all.

Wouldn’t kidnap you but would murder the competitors.

Anyway onto the kinks I think would suit him…

He’d 100% make different types of vibrators so he can cuff you to the bed and watch you squirm. Considered making you a ball gag but he gets off on your moans, that does mean he ends up edging you before fucking you himself.

Kalos

Lysandre

Sugar daddy

I could leave that like that but fine fine I’ll feed you horny bastards.

He parades you around more than any of the others, always making sure you’re wearing the finest clothes. Usually also wearing his jacket, he can’t stand gawkers staring. Admiring your beauty he can handle, but staring at his woman is punishable by a flamethrower.

You live the luxury life. Fancy bath soaps and massages. Cafe trips daily so he can make sure you’re eating well. Sex in the back of his car in secluded car parks when you’ve been misbehaving at dinner.

He’s a rough lover but amazing with aftercare, so there’s that.

Alola

Nanu

Dilf energy… and I’m hungry for it I’ll be honest.

So tired, but you give him energy. Energy to do crime to keep you to himself but still energy. But hey why argue, you get to cuddle his cats all day.

Also, if you’re a trainer that has cat Pokemon… he’d probably marry you. Proposal on sight. Already on one knee.

He isn’t very openly affectionate but as long as no one is around he’ll always have an arm around your waist. You’re well protected.

Another man that I believe would make sure you cum first every time. Just make sure you have a warm bath after for your back, he hits me as a rough lover.

Guzma

Oh you poor girl… not because he’s going to treat you bad but he’s obsessed.

You’re probably kidnapped by team skull but you had no idea it was a kidnapping, it was more of a scooby-doo chase.

Yeah you now have like 50 babies to care for but don’t worry, big sis Plumeria and your new husband will help you. What you don’t remember getting married? Oh silly, you belonged to him the moment your eyes met.

He’s very inexperienced with relationships so give him a little time to learn. He’s a fast learner in bed so he won’t leave you unsatisfied. Will pamper you anyway he can.

Oh and have mercy on this man… don’t wear his clothes, he can’t handle it.

Hisui

Volo

Little shit… he’s going to try and use anything he can to claim you.

Whether that be advances in front of people to scare them off and stake his claim over you.

He does have a decently good reputation so no one would expect him to be dangerous, so you’re kinda fucked, Cyllene would protect you if she needed to though.

He talks down to you all the time, you’re not his equal, you are his property in his eyes.

Adaman

This man is smitten. No more smooth and confident Adaman, this man is a stuttering mess.

He wants to marry you so badly, please let this man marry you… and then put a baby in you but marriage first.

This man gives you jewellery, clothes, helps you befriend Pokémon or catch them depending on which method you prefer.

Cuddler, he will snuggle and cuddle as long as you want, so what he has duties? His pretty little wife wants his attention and you will get it.

Irida

Had noooo idea how to handle her feelings. Probably started as a childish crush at first but it developed into something much more.

She wants to spend the rest of her life with you by her side.

Glares at everyone who speaks to you, even people from her clan. She’s very jealous very easily.

But she loves you, and will let you spend unsupervised time with some people she trusts… only her Wardens, although she doesn’t trust Ingo as much as she doesn’t know him as well, not with you at least.

Warden Ingo

Dilf energy again

His memory may be strange and shaky but he remembers how to treat a woman he loves. Remembers things Elesa told him and Emmet, although to him it’s more echos of voices he thinks he knows.

He loves cuddling up to you while watching the newly hatched sneasels learn how to live. Although this does awaken a want for family he forgot he had.

He isn’t the most trusting person, but he is a good judge of character… and has gotten into a fistfight with Volo when he hit on you. Blood was drawn.

He throws a good punch, but would never hurt you, he adores you, you make him feel good in a familiar way.

Anyway you freaks want NSFW- this man lives up in the mountains, them rough hands can do wonders. And he loves making you feel good, people pleaser but only for you.

Paldea

Arven

Aw what a sweet boy, who will strangle anyone who tries to take you from him.

This boy lost both his parents and nearly lost his best friend/dog… he is terrified he’ll lose you too.

He cooks he cleans and then makes sure to rub your back and give you love so you’ll love him back

Please give this boy some affection or the boys around you will pay the price of you don’t.

Professor Sada

Mommy?

This woman is feral, not only did she basically throw you over her shoulder when she met you but you never don’t have bite marks all over your skin. It’s her way of telling everyone your hers.

I feel she’d give more freedom than Turo, only if Robo Sada was with you for safety… and to break the arms of whoever looked at you the way she did.

Also this woman is a mosterous pussy devouring fiend, don’t argue, you know I’m right.

Professor Turo

Oh daddy Turo- criminally underrated daddy let alone Yandere daddy.

I feel like Turo most definitely would have kept you locked down in his lab with him, convincing you that you help him with his research. I mean… he isn’t wrong, you motivate him to keep going.

However girl has needs and he often get consumed by his work. It wasn’t until he caught you handling problems yourself on your shared bed that he decided robo Turo should take over his research a little bit more.

It’d be a shame if you fell in love with a toy he so kindly made for you than him himself.

Larry

Ah my favourite ordinary business man… I’m so normal about him.

He is very normal about you too, except the fact that he has pocketed any handkerchief you’ve used while eating with him.

Oh and many dates that are just trying new food, oh and bird watching.

Again, call me weird but I think this man wants a family, total breeding kink.

Also I feel like he likes a rather feminine woman, not in the frilly skirt way but in the way of “I don’t N E E D a man but I like you”. You like him, right?

Rika

M m mommy?

Dominatrix… owns a whip… bondage. ANYWAY-

Not above using their position as elite four to scare off competition and keeping you in line.

Oh don’t cry, you won’t escape anyways.

She only uses PDA to send a message to other women or men, “hands off”

Jacq

Teach me about biology bb-

ANYWAY… loves to discover new Pokémon with you.

Will happily teach you about your favourite Pokémon for your attention.

Please don’t look away, he’ll have a breakdown.

Miriam

Ah cute little nurse… she has access to so many dangerous drugs.

She will scream and cry if you choose someone else, don’t do it, she’s an ugly cryer.

She loves to give you “check ups” when no one is looking.

On a side note, don’t you know that orgasms are good for your health? You didn’t? Oh silly let Miriam help you out, her fingers can work wonders.

THIS TOOK FOREVER…

But it was worth it enjoy animals. I want to get more serious with Pokemon x reader writing so I hope some people enjoy this… I’m never doing this big of a post again… this was meant to be a Christmas post- way to many bloody tags to add :,)

[jeonstellate]

forever by my side

mingyu still honors the love signified by his ring, even after all this time.

๑彡 kim mingyu x gender neutral!reader

๑彡 divorced!au/ex-husband!au, post-break up!au — fluff(?), angst(?)

๑彡 paragraph format — 0.8K words

masterlist

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

๑彡 title is taken from zack tabudlo’s by my side (ft. tiara andini).

๑彡 thank you sm for the overwhelming love for my future in your eyes! please accept this as a thank you gift :]

๑彡 this is connected to that fic, a prequel of sorts, but can also be read as a standalone. (i highly recommend reading that, too, though.)

Kim Mingyu is a man of confidence.

He exudes confidence, regardless of what he does. It’s a natural part of his aura — something that he can never control at will.

It comes in handy for his line of work, which often requires him to socialize and impress others. Occasionally, though, it also needs him to give presentations in front of large crowds.

As his audience continues to stare at him, with a mix of glossed eyes and awestruck expressions, Mingyu begins to appreciate his inborn confidence a little bit more.

He’s an extrovert. He does well with crowds. He’s comfortable striking up conversations with complete strangers. He’s talkative and spontaneous and outgoing, amongst other things.

And with his confidence, Mingyu can command a room with ease.

Yet, still, it doesn’t necessarily mean he enjoys public speaking — especially if the crowd he’s addressing is full of college students who are currently everywhere, just not in the classroom.

He can hardly blame them. He has been in their shoes before. He knows what it feels like to listen to professors and guest lecturers drag on when he rather spend his time elsewhere.

"Well then, if you guys thought of more questions later," he began his wrap-up speech, "feel free to email me. Thank you—"

A flurry of moment on his right caught his attention, effectively halting his speech. However, the cause of it is gone by the second he turns.

The only evidence he has that he didn’t hallucinate the entire thing is the murmuring that suddenly engulfs the room. And the small folded piece of paper on his right that seems to appear out of the blue.

Mingyu reaches for the paper and looks around the room. He immediately notices the students’ renewed interest in him. Or perhaps — most likely — they are just interested in how he responses to the note.

He looks down as he opens the paper.

Mister, do you have a significant other?

He chuckles soundlessly. Not because of how off-topic it is from the presentation he just gave, but because it is apparently enough to bring you forth in his mind.

After all, you are his other half. Someone he met and fell in love with within the walls of your college campus. Someone he put great effort to deserve the heart of.

The only one he could see sharing a future with. The only one he went down on one knee for and waited for at the end of the aisle.

The only one he loves with his soul. The only one he respects and cherishes to an unfathomable extent.

Mingyu gives a shy smile to the sea of students before raising his hand, palm facing inward. He lets the gold band around his ring finger shine under the spotlights aimed at him.

Their collective disappointment is loud.

Mingyu finds their reaction amusing. He has watched countless people react to his marital status over the years. Those who appear dismayed, he notes, often try their best to hide it, albeit unsuccessfully. As a matter of fact, this is the first time anyone has ever showed disdain so openly — a whole group, too, no less.

He can’t stop the soundless chuckle that escaped. He has always been proud of his marriage. He boasts about it — and you — every chance that he gets. It’s something that always brings a smile to his face. Something that he never gets tired of.

Even after the divorce.

The end of your marriage had been a mutual decision. You both agreed that it was the best action to take, before anything escalated to something unbecoming. And, at the time, it was the best decision to take.

The end of your marriage didn’t signify the end of his love for you, though. That’s why, even years after the court made your divorce official, his wedding ring stayed on his finger.

Mingyu may have failed to keep you by his side, but he absolutely has no plans to rid himself of the only physical reminder of your marriage.

Mingyu may have lost his rights to claim you as his spouse; but at least in front of strangers, he can still pretend that the gold around his finger is more than a remembrance.

"How are you going to find a replacement for your wedding ring if you keep letting people think you’re still married?" Minghao wonders when he meets up with him after his presentation.

Ironically enough, his longtime friend personifies the reality that his façade only works with strangers. Those who don’t know what happened. Nor can read him like an open book. Nor notice the hint of sadness in his eyes.

Mingyu simply shrugs at that, "Bold of you to assume I want a replacement in the first place."

(After all, his wedding ring isn’t just a conversational piece. It’s also his lifeline . . . something he can’t bear to lose, especially when he already lost you.)

[txttletale]

bundletober #7: this party sucks

hello and welcome to bundletober, the numinous ritual that shall call down the damnation of angels upon our deserving heads. today's game is this party sucks by beating the binary

i won't beat around the bush: i was primed to not like this game much, which is maybe uncharitable--but games making a big deal of how 'queer' they are in their marketing copy always puts me off. this might stem back to my love-hate relationship with thirsty sword lesbians and that game's chronic tone problem, or i might just be a cynical bitch. but this party sucks surprised me in a good way. it's a pretty simple game: it's about a single protagonist (control of whom rotates around the table) going to a bunch of parties to try not to think about their ex, having a bad time, and then thinking about their ex. it's the kind of razor-sharp concept that i think TTRPGs should tackle more (or, rather, that the hundreds of TTRPGs tackling should get more attention) and imo it pulls it off well.

i've been talking a bit on the horizon machine blog about safety tools and which ones i like and don't like--this party sucks does something surprising and invents a brand new safety tool that i actually like a lot. i mean, it's by the author's own admission half safety tool and half play aid and half joke. but it does all those things really well

the IFCOBPC card is a really funny and fantrastic concept and it fits perfectly in this game -- it's a game about a queer awkward twentysomething and that also seems to be the obvious target audience, and it's a play and design space i haven't seen explored--a way to signal this kind of over-the-table emotional response without a complex mechanical framework or the extremely serious and weighty context of x-cards & the like

the other thing i like about this party sucks is that it's specifically three-player. this is a game for three people to play, there are three books, you rotate them round once each, and everything in the game is designed for that. i like this kind of restriction, because it's much easier to design tightly around three people than, say, '3-5' -- and it shows! the division of play roles into the Protagonist, the Venue, and Other People at the party makes perfect sense and gives everyone a fair amount to do. as someone who was a 'forever DM' back when i still played d&d, i now adore games that clearly delineate and distribute narrative power and responsibility.

one last thing--this party sucks has an epilogue mechanic, a real ending. and i love that! ending one-shot games in a satisfying way can often feel difficult, and having a set of prompts asking you to decide on what happens after the game is over is a great way to provide guidance for that. ultimately, though, as much as i talk about tight design, what really made the focus on queerness in this party sucks work for me when for the most part it doesn't in thirsty sword lesbians is the tone--there's a frank first-person tone, no attempt to put on a narratorial persona, only the designer talking about the game from what is clearly and unabashedly their own perspective.

if you want me to look kindly upon your game as a labour of love, talk openly about that love and about that labour in the game's text. you're allowed to do that--often, it will make that game better.

this party sucks is available for purchase as a digital download or a physical zine from itch.io

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking someone to meet my twin brother when we’ve only dated for 2 months?

Okay, I know my situation is crazy but bear with me. I (23F) love and absolutely adore my older twin brother (by like a couple minutes but who cares), A (23M). I’m not kidding when I say that A is a saint. Like seriously, he is the best person ever, and that’s not just me being biased. He pretty much raised and protected me growing up after our parents died, gotten both me and him to a safe position in life pretty much all by himself, has so many friends and was there for every major event in both theirs and my lives (he’s made time for every birthday, graduation, etc), and is generally such a great and accomplished man. He has like 90% of any good trait you can think of. Overall, I’m so grateful for his existence and for being his sister.

Anyways, a running joke amongst me and my friends is that my brother is every male bisexual’s dream man. Why, you ask? Well, because 4 of my now exes broke up with me because they fell in love with A.

I tend to date around, and go on dating apps (so none of my 4 exes knew about A before we dated). These 4 times were the only times I actually dated for more than a month (kinda hard dating market nowadays). Here’s the timeline of what happened those 4 times:

I and a guy meet up on a dating app, chat, make date plans.

2. Go on a couple of dates, get closer over 2-3 months

3. Go formally meet my brother (cause he’s literally the most important person in my life, so we HAVE to get his approval if we’re going to take this further)

4. Ex falls in love with my brother’s charm and end the relationship weeks later because “I keep thinking about your brother”

For the record, A has no idea that 4 of my exes fell in love with him, he just knew that “we broke up for some reason”. And I’m never letting him know the truth, because I really do not want to hurt him nor make him feel guilty for something that’s not at all his fault. He’s an amazing man, again, so I’m not as upset about this as I probably should be. Ultimately, the breakups hurt at first, but honestly after the 3rd time, it was kinda funny because of how absurd it was ngl. DO NOT accuse my brother of stealing my boyfriends by the way! He’s openly on the aro spectrum so like he has no motive to do such a thing.

Anyways I got to the 2nd month mark with my now boyfriend, T (22M), who’s more questioning in terms of sexuality btw. I got around to asking him to meet my brother in person, because if you’ve seen the same thing happen 4 times, might as well cut to the chase. He said it was a little early to talk about meeting the family. I explained to T my situation, and my reasoning for doing it early. T was really weirded out by this and said that there was no way he would fall for A. I told him that I wasn’t trying to accuse him of anything, but he was pretty pissed off and left to cool off. Now it’s really awkward between us.

So I wonder, AITA for asking my boyfriend to meet my brother early, with all the above information?

What are these acronyms?

[jewishbarbies]

Hi, I wanted to post this as a reply, but replies are restricted, so I’m doing it here lol, but in regards to an anon you got talking about travis being a red flag, and his social circle consisting of violent men with tempers, one of which has already sexually assaulted someone, and how he could easily do that to taylor, I saw a tiktok the other day of a girl filming the crowd midway through an eras tour concert with the caption “imagine if women could feel as safe everywhere as they feel during a Taylor Swift concert” and just……

That may have been true once upon a time, like when she was with joe for example, but now that she’s with travis and associating herself with people like jackson mahomes (or whatever than POS’s name is), I feel like it’s going to slowly convince a lot of younger girls that a boyfriend with travis’s behaviour is ok, that a friend group with men like jackson mahomes is ok, that literal SA and violent outbursts (like travis displayed against his coach during the superbowl) are ok.

Women aren’t going to feel safe in taylor-adjacent places anymore, because Taylor is essentially showing them that this sort of behaviour is not only ok, but something to wish for in a boyfriend.

He’s a REAL man! He plays sports! He’s not violent, he’s just passionate! Those tweets of his? He was just being goofy! He didn’t mean it! “Just because his friend did something, that doesn’t mean HE’S like that!” (Spoiler alert, it does. I had an ex who was friends with a guy that was openly racist, and whilst my ex never said anything super obviously racist, he also never called out his friends racism, even when my jaw was on the floor after some of the stuff he said). It sounds dramatic, but it’s a slippery slope.

Just look at how many young girls were essentially groomed to be groomed by all these teen drama shows featuring scandalous affairs between teachers and their students back in the 2010’s. Those relationships were shown to be something to aspire to, not for the danger they really were, and young fans dismissing travis and his friends behaviour just because Taylor is ok with it gives me the same vibes.

…

(Also I’m pretty sure the poor girl that died during one of the Brazil concerts didn’t feel “as safe as women feel during a taylor swift concert”, but hey, what do I know?)

one of the many reasons i hate pop feminism is exactly that - young women and girls are told by grown women that men like travis are acktually so great and wonderful and his relationship with taylor is the model relationship just because they like her/her music, and then these young women and girls will go on to try and actually emulate it. they're also straight up just told by taylor herself. what kind of icon and role model purposely dates an abusive man as publicly as possible, while hanging out with and supporting his friends who have sexually assaulted women? the dangerous culture swifties have disguised as feminism all to follow in their idol's footsteps is incredibly toxic and unsafe for women. she's no one a woman should be looking to for a healthy anything. i've seen firsthand what it looks like to date someone like travis or jackass mahomes. it's not romantic, it's not a fairytale, and it's not love.

[fluffypotatey]

Do you think Merlin has a nickname amongst the non-magical enemies of Camelot? I'm not talking about Emrys, I mean like the kind of name you give a local cryptid or a semi-mythical figure, the name you'd give something when you have no clue what it really is.

Like, they don't know who Merlin is, they especially don't know who Emrys is, they just know there's something protecting King Arthur, and if you want to fuck with him, you'll have to deal with whatever the fuck that thing is. It might be a person??? Nobody is really sure??? Most people who try it end up dead, and the few who survive have no idea what the fuck happened other than they got tore up from the floor up.

Bonus points if Arthur and the knights catch one of the attempted assassins (after Merlin rocked their entire shit) and they're so entirely shook, they're just muttering about "the king's devil" or "the shadow" or some dope shit like that while Merlin's in the background with a hand over his face.

bestie, what if the nickname started because of the knights. like, remember somewhere in s1 (????) i think arthur mentions to uther or uther mentions to arthur that he's got like some guardian angel or some shit? (yes, great job, fluffy, very coherent)

so like imagine that during a patrol run or whatever, the knight tease arthur about his "guardian angel" and how he always seems to get out of things relatively unscathed (other than leon, but to be fair, he's typically the lone survivor when that happens ANYWAY) bandits probably hear the teasing, find it hilarious and decide to "put that theory to the test" and attack.

but then

tree branches fall in a timely manner, none of them are rotten or prove to be past their prime. the winds get harsher and blow their weapons away. when they flee (if given the chance) the wildlife appear more threatening than they did before, like what the fuck is going on???

fastforward, you're one of the surviving bandits who escaped after trying to attack prince arthur. you're in a tavern, you're telling your tale and someone openly ponders those odd natural disasters that led to your folly. you remember the teasing and jokes made by the knights.

guardian angel they called it. arthur's personal ex machina. you scoff at that. no way was what you just faced an angel (not that you would know) and you would rather eat your teeth than believe and angel was protecting uther's son. so, you think back to that skirmish, try to find anything to help you understand what went down.

"a shadow," that's what you come up with. "camelot may believe that their saintly prince is protected by some angel, but i know the truth!" you say, pulling all of this out from your ass. "arthur has some shadow assassin who ensures he lives to be king."

[nayialovecat]

The Ink Demonth 2023 - Day 31. Revival

Day 31. Revival Crossover: Bendy and the Dark Revival I'd say, Bendy, you can't be that rude... but I feel exactly the same way. I know it's not BATDR Bendy's fault that he is the way he is - but that doesn't change the fact that this is how I feel. So, if anyone else wants to ask me what I think about Ink Bendy from BATDR - I will refer to this image.

Yes, I consider it a crossover because I don't consider BATDR to be a sequel to BATIM in any way. It's a completely separate creation that is simply heavily inspired by BATIM. However, in places he rewrites the stories, changes the characters' personalities, adds new threads... This is not an expansion of the world. This is an alternative version of the Workshop - and you won't convince me to think otherwise. So a separate game with which I did a crossover called "Bendy doesn't like his alter-ego".

Actually, the only thing I like about Ink Bendy from BATDR is his voice. When I heard it first time, I felt a shiver down my neck... and then, unfortunately, I focused to the words - and all the charm was disappeared. Seriously. There are reasons why Bendy has been mute so far - and apparently the main one is how much he talks f**cking nonsense. I don't like the shape of his head. His hideous teeth, which are not scary - are disgusting. Hoofs instead of feet is a nice idea - but why both legs? Where is the wonderful asymmetry of the original? Why does he turn into a hedgehog (those spines in strange places - they make sense when they are spine vertebrae). No. Absolutely no. And what's with the skeleton arm? Someone used acid on his ink there?

As for the game itself... Uh... I was impressed at first. First chapter - great. New possibilities of moving the character, beautiful backgrounds, delightful details, an interesting ritual of starting the machine... I was delighted. My slight discouragement began when I first heard Wilson's voice over the speakers and the subsequent behavior of the Lost Ones afther that proclamation... In the second chapter, the game started to piss me off on a regular basis. Then I just watched gameplays and... I don't regret that I didn't keep playing. The game is frustrating, the characters are warped (but not in the realities of the game as they should be warped - warped from the ones we knew and liked). A lot of stupid things happen: Tom being treated like a pet, Wilson acting like a villain from the start, Allison being a fucking deus ex machina, Twisted Alice's death scene and Sammy's death - I hate them both, no physical Bendy (appears out of nowhere and instantly kills - a very lazy solution, game creators), Henry's whole entrance, that weird puppet character what's-her-name Betty... Ok, I like Porter's character a bit - but that's probably only because of his resemblance to my OC Brody.

So you've asked many times what my opinion of Dark Revival is. That's it: I hate this game. It killed my passion for creating SATIM and made me stop looking for images with BATIM on tumblr or on dA - 'cause people don't know how to hashtag and they tag BATIM when they make arts about BATDR. Okay, I'm not saying I have nothing but hatred for this game - but it disappointed me just in the way like BATDR Bendy is disappointment for SATIM Bendy in the picture. And it pisses me off when I see on dA that people add my art to folders called "Dark Survival", "BATDR art" or so. It's like a slap in my face.

That's why I made this picture as quickly as possible. An unspectacular finale - but I've been waiting to say this openly for a very long time, so appreciate the solemnity of this art.

And finally, something positive: I FINISHED ON TIME! Yeah, I did it again!

Bendy and the Ink Machine (c) Joey Drew Studios Inc. Bendy and the Dark Revival (c) Joey Drew Studios Inc. Sammy and the Ink Machine (c) Nayia Lovecat

[fandom-geek]

just finished my first run of bg3. spoilers for basically everything, although i don't actually go into too much detail abt the actual climax, more the ending cutscenes and companion quests.

i love jergal so much. that just needs to stand on its own. he's such a sassy skeleton git who hides the fact he still cares for humanity under it all - his scene with arabella was one of my favourite moments of the entire game.

(on that note, anyone else assuming his whole "follow the weave" thing to her is him basically protecting her? finding her in act 3 surrounded by four dead adults while she has a nary a scratch certainly makes me think she's got some secret godly supervision going on).

anyway - the ending.

i think that if i hadn't been warned that there aren't any epilogue slides, i would've been disappointed. so i'm glad i knew that, even it still felt a bit abrupt because of it. but hey! given larian's history with expanded/definitive editions, i'm guessing we'll either get it in a patch several months from now or in bg3's expanded edition.

personally, i think the section from when you enter the morphic pool to when you kill the netherbrain feels very rough and abrupt. very rough. but the rest of the game is just so stupidly perfect as far as i'm concerned, with like one exception for the cut content for karlach. which is blatantly obvious even without looking at datamining, because why else would we get a ton of different types of infernal metal in act 3?

and god i would've loved to see the upper city (as advertised, larian!) and the ducal palace before it all went to shit. cazador's palace was clearly meant to be there, and i was really looking forward to my urchin tav (malias) actually walking around the upper city and having opinions.

(on that note, i loved that bust gortash has in his office [which was presumably meant to be in the ducal office but anyway!] where the founder of the counting house was an ex-urchin who didn't give a shit abt the patriars because they never cared for him before he became important. malias absolutely would've found that an inspiration for any upper city shenanigans)

but those ending cutscenes on the pier? pretty great, even if i was internally screeching the whole time gale was talking because hey astarion is right there in the sunlight and he doesn't have a tadpole. but thank god gale was just like "yeah, you're right, leaving it there is probably a good idea".

and his line abt some things being more important than power! i adore that line. it's essentially the point of everyone's quests, that power imprisons you and the most important thing in life is the freedom to choose. and of course gale is the one to verbalise that, and to openly say how fond he is of everyone!

then gale made his slightly dickish comment about astarion fleeing, lol. boys, please.

honestly that felt hilariously fitting to my playthrough where i accidentally fell into romancing gale while intentionally romancing astarion, and broke it off with gale (despite never actually being with him). yes buddy, i know you're still a bit salty about that. please wait until malias isn't distraught over their boyfriend literally burning up and running off in front of them.

(to detour for a moment - again, thank you larian for letting me play a nonbinary characters. honestly, that alone makes it a game in its own sphere of perfection, especially since vtmb 2 originally promised that then cut it then maybe it's back in with the new studio??? genuinely perked up with happiness whenever someone used the right pronouns or referred to malias in a clearly gender neutral way.)

even if astarion fleeing and his lines about it were genuinely agonising. at least the romanced cutscene with him started immediately afterwards - i was kinda debating between the "heroes" and "sunlight" options, but honestly? as absurdly good-aligned as malias is, i absolutely think they'd value helping astarion to have the freedom to walk in the sun over being heroes. pretty sure this whole adventure has shown they're pretty good at that multi-tasking element lol. and i love that astarion is so happy about going on another adventure.

like not to go tmi, but astarion's character and plot was... painfully relatable, especially when he just started sobbing after killing cazador, and it's just so good that you can give him a happy future. not an ending, of course, because i don't doubt he and malias will get into a fuckton of mischief, but like he says - he's free! it's just such a perfect moment. my favourite companion and companion quest by an absolute country mile.

i'm also just internally assuming that malias sprinted off after astarion as soon as karlach's near death brush was finished - i am so glad i went the "have my cake and eat it" route of breaking wyll's pact and saving his dad regardless. it lets wyll and malias/tav persuade karlach to return, swearing that she'll be safe from zariel, and personally malias would absolutely be looking for a way to help karlach return safely while off finding a way for astarion to walk in the sunlight.

(also i'm a bit curious abt what others think - there's a little bit of ambiguity abt whether it's just going for the sunlight, or straight up curing his vampiric nature. after all, as his grave inscription happily points out, he was turned 194 years ago and the true resurrection time limit is 200 years. since gale wants to stick around, he can call in a favour with elminster to figure out a way to do that.)

and to backtrack for a second, i am happy that malias persuaded lae'zel to make her own path instead of following orpheus' orders! was it selfish? probably, yeah, which was a bit surprising from how otherwise strongly good-aligned malias is but between that and the mindflayer choice after freeing orpheus (i asked orpheus to do that), i just... think malias doesn't want to lose that.

to explain smth for a sec, i'm going back and forth on whether to keep malias' backstory as is (urchin/orphan who grew up in the lower city) or to make them my dark urge character. from what i've heard of the dark urge, it really ties into my favourite character dynamics and themes (and seems a bit reminiscent of kotor lol), so it's a little bit of debate.

but either way, i think malias would override any moral concerns of goodness for "fuck that, this is my family and i am not losing them". regardless of which backstory i end up picking, that's definitely staying the same. but malias as a former orphan and street kid sure as fuck isn't giving up on their new and beloved family. so yeah, i think the moral concerns of "ok you were just told to go save the githyanki as a whole" would be pushed to the side of "you've always been following orders your entire life, i want you to be free".

and if lae'zel chooses to go help the gith regardless? that's great. but malias would want it to be her choice, not orders she feels obligated to follow.

i also love that you get to say "yes, let's go to the pub to celebrate!". even if we don't see it on-screen, i just love it. those fuckers (astarion included once someone managed to throw something thick enough over him so he didn't burn en route) absolutely partied until they crashed and they fucking deserved it. i love my found family shit so much. and i'm guessing that probably ties into the cut epilogue stuff, even if that was meant to be six months later.

but yeah. i just fucking love it all. now time to do my dark urge run, which i heavily suspect will also be an astarion romance again just bc i'm curious how those differences pan out.

[imagine-silk]

Christmas with the Hackett's Quarry Counselors

【Jacob】 Huge family party that he's really excited for.

He looks forward to the holidays in general. Bunch of parties, and drinking, and having fun with friends and family. What's not to like? Because he loves family parties he brings you with him rather than going to yours.

His family all make their opinion on you known. Aunts making fun of him blushing over you. Uncle making fun of him blushing over you. It's a lot of making fun of him. Those who don't take it in good humor take it in offense. Like his grandmother who calls you a harlet for driving away his ex, Emma. Or his dad thinking he's settling for less. All of it he fights back on and fully tells them he doesn't care what they think.

【Dylan】 Showing his nerdness with his science by baking cookies.

He likes Christmas as much as the next person but he's more quiet at home so he's not the loudest in the room anymore. In fact, no one expects him to cause any kind of ruckus. So him confining himself to the kitchen isn't surprising. The only thing his family goes over to him is to talk about his hand, or lack thereof. He blames it on the bears.

He keeps to himself by doing all the baking. Fresh cookies are better than stale ones, so he's busy, go talk to someone else. His plan works even better because he gets to keep you, seeing as he only has one hand. No one can say shit about it.

【Ryan】 Takes his sister out on the town.

Him and his aren't exactly rolling in money. He's also not on great terms with his family. Once he was old enough he started taking his little sister out for the holidays to celebrate by themselves. Now that you were added to the mix it made him feel easier.

It's one of the first times you visited with his sister and he was a bit scared she wouldn't like you. If she didn't it would be a bit of a deal-breaker. But she basically crawls all over you. He protests but ultimately you pitch in paying for the whole ordeal. Buy a few things and get food from stands. At the end of the night you're both tired with a little girl sleeping on his back. It all feels so warm in the snow.

【Kaitlyn】 Spends half of the day at Jacob's.

She's lived next door for her whole life and she's never been one to stay still. During the whole day she goes in and out of both of their houses. People notice how little she does it this year though. All she says about it is that she doesn't like the cold and she stays out of the kitchen.

Jacob and his family welcome her warmly so you get the same treatment no questions asked. They know she doesn't go for people on whim, you're good, no vetting process. Her family is different. They are wary of you but don't want to show it, resulting in some very uncomfortable moments.

【Abi】 Hides from her party.

Parties aren't her thing, she says that openly. She tells her family she's going to your party and you tell your family you're going to her's. After that you sneak back into her room and lock the door. Her family's so loud they will never hear you. Her little brother at some point tries to sneak in, thinking she's gone, but the door is straight up barred so you just hear his whole process because he says what he's narrationg himself.

It's like any other day honestly. Talking about college and eating like shit. She has all her art things and you have your laptop to play games. You have weird mini conversations back to back. Like you make comments about a show character, then silence, then she builds off of it, and it goes back and forth like that.

【Nick】 Plays in the snow way too long.

Normally he goes super far into the forest but not this year. He's always pretty close to the backyard. When his family asks he just says he had enough of the woods in Hackett's Quarry. All his little cousins try to pull him further and you have to help him say 'no'. Half of them hate you after that. And his older cousins don't trust you. Nick goes off to be a camp counselor then comes back not the same with someone who's also a bit off. But you love him and he loves his family, so you deal without saying anything and he doesn't notice.

He spends hours out with his cousins and by the time he goes inside he feels like ice, even saying he feels sharp because of the sudden warmth. Before the party ends you hide with him in his room because he started feeling sick. It wasn't at all like his fever at the quarry but the idea freaks him out.

[lockedtowers]

repost and rate your muse's traits out of 10 in each category !

COMPASSION: 2/10

so william… does not care. not a lot, anyways. when he first saw michael his brain had the tiniest flint of a spark of ‘i did that’ he didnt do shit but raw it and he definitely showed michael affection and love at first, fuck man he was teaching michael engineering, plushtrap was the first animatronic that they worked on together, in my main verse he did not care about his wife at the time at all especially when she caught him with henry but thats a different story but he did, in his fucked up way, love michael, but he also definitely favored evan by a lot when evan happened. of course i have verses where he did love his wife to a degree, but he doesnt really love anyone more than he loves himself. lizzie was very very close to getting there, but even her his love is more or less an extension of himself rather than as their own individual selves. lizzie has his cruelty and villainous streak, and his refusal to listen to no. michael has some of his aggression and recklessness. evan he favored in a way as the version of himself he lost due to his own parents, which is also why he kind of babied evan a lot. he made voice boxes for evans plushies so evan had someone to talk to, because him and michael didnt get along, and he never wanted michael and him to hate each other. in all though williams most compassionate moment, the one moment he was truly a decent guy, and the moment that ultimately destroyed any semblance of normalcy he could have attained, was evan getting springlocked. william tried to get him out, and his own suit springlocked on him causing the initial scars, and all in all sort of retriggered certain thoughts and issues he thought he grew out of. he any semblance of affection he had died when those locks went into his skin, and left him in a much worse state of mind and being.

BITTERNESS: 9/10

this man has stacks upon stacks upon stacks of journals about henry, how much he loves henry, how much he worships henry, how much he thinks henry should worship him. he still treats michael like shit when michaels an adult for what happened to evan when michael was a child himself when it happened. lizzie dying was entirely williams own damn fault and he still blamed michael for it because, in his mind, if michael didnt kill evan, charlotte wouldnt have had to die, henry wouldnt have had to be framed, and now lizzie wouldnt have had to die. this man takes bitter ex to a whole new level too considering even turned into his creation, he was still mad obsessing over henry.

HAPPINESS: 5/10

depends on when in the timeline. he did actually enjoy being married (the second time in main verses, dependable on mrs afton rpers otherwise) even though he.. wasnt exactly a faithful husband at all given his obsession with henry. honestly if he just learned what poly was and it wasnt the 70s/80s so he couldnt openly be poly and with a man, he’d have been much happier. he loves killing people tho.

POLITENESS: 3/10

…. he’ll fake it

MORALITY: 2/10

he murdered kids and thinks cheating on his wife with henry was perfectly fine because ‘he could love both of them’ when that doesnt make it fine, u big dickbag. also he wants complete control over his kids, he literally built the fu/ntime animatronics with the intentions of trapping his families souls in them so they could live forever with or without remnant. (yes this is a personal headcanon no i dont give a fuck about canon, canon had a lot of stupid moments, shush) he, hes not moral, hes one of those people who would just go off on like ‘oh morality isnt real its a social construct designed by the government to make you behave a certain way, the only true way to be moral is to believe in yourself as a god’ and all that stuff, dont trust the tall man

PRIDE: 9/10

he’s actually insufferable with how much he loved himself im ngl. he takes great pride in his subpar performances canonly. he thinks hes the greatest liar, engineer, and shopowner of all time. all the things he hated his parents for he ironically manages to do even worse than they did. he might struggle to love others but he definitely fucking loves himself, which is kind of funny when u think abt it, bc he also hates himself.

HONESTY: 2/10

he cannot even be honest with himself he’s not honest with anyone. he looked his wife in the eyes and claimed he would never betray her as he was cheating on her with henry. he kidnapped his own son after evan died with the intentions of completely breaking his brain in the same setup he built to ‘cure’ evan (which would likely have traumatized and made him worse) and fully intended on charlie being in that set up with him until she made the fatal error of fighting back, michael got the worst of the treatment for sure though.

BRAVERY: 0/10

one of the main things i think about this man is, he pretends what hes doing is brave and amazing, like im a great serial killer im great at everything im massively prolific in the public eye and people love and adore me, people flock towards me and think im charming and amazing, and they do. but he isn’t brave. he isnt anywhere close to that, he’s a fucking coward. he intimidates people, he hurts people, but when faced with the punishment for his crimes he was terrified. he isn’t brave. he doesnt know what brave is.

RECKLESSNESS: 2/10

his most reckless situation was what happened with charlie (and main verse wise, his first wife). it wasnt planned like that, he only intended to kidnap her. She thought back and he got angry enough to not only kill her, but abandon her body on that street in the storm. He hasn’t been exactly reckless since then and everythings been very carefully thought out, but he isnt in the right mindframe anymore, he hasnt been since evan died, he does make mistakes, and unfortunately it usually ends up being henry who pays for them since henry is who he framed.

AMBITION: 8/10

He’s definitely very ambitious, like he worked his ass off to get to where he is even though hes not really great at performing like he thinks he is. His main issue is his current goal is just Henry, not even anything specific really, he wants to be henry. The springlock incident made his obsession with henry a million times worse, and i can speak on that personally as someone whos had a head injury and who has OCD, it can intensify obsessions very very badly. So ambitious, yes, thoughtful on what they are, not anymore. though he did drain the lifeforce out of the kids he killed so.

LOYALTY: 1/10

that one isnt even for his fucking family its for henry and he betrayed that man too and framed him for his own daughters murder. his loyalty is to himself and maybe, MAYBE, on RARE occasions, and specifically as an extension of himself, his family.

SENSE OF FAMILY: 3/10

his childhood was fucked up. but while he was being a mostly present father, he showed promise. did he only love his kids as extensions of himself? still yes. did he at least love them? yeah. its a.. shitty situation all in all.

ATTRACTIVENESS: 6/10

evidently a lot more people wanna ride the serial killer than i gave him credit for.

AGILITY: 7/10

he’s surprisingly agile for his… everything. man in the movie version that man was rly pushing sixty and still bodied mike to hell and back what the hell dude.

SEX DRIVE: 7/10

he’s a f/urry. he had/has a whole ass wife, a ton of kids, and still canoodles with henry wtf do you think

Tagged by: stolen :)

Tagging: @orangeshinigami @auburniivenus @mechanicaldance @faultyconscience @riiese and if u see it, you

[phoenixs-fandoms-and-writings]

5 + 1

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: James Potter/Lily Evans

Summary: five times James surprises Lily and one time she surprises him

Notes: This was written for Flufftober 2023 with Day 5’s prompt X+1. @flufftober

I don’t own Harry Potter to any of its characters.

I do not give permission to anyone to repost or translate any of my stories. I also do not give anyone permission to feed my stories through AI or to be posted to any third party website or app. If anyone sees any of my work posted anywhere but here or my AO3 (simplyreflected), then it has been posted without permission.

Read on AO3 here.

1.

Lily hadn’t been having a great day. She had seen her ex friend Severus Snape who now openly called her a mudblood and had been doing so since fifth year. She really hoped she could find something to get her mind off how much people like him annoyed her.

She walked into the Gryffindor Common Room to see a group of students of all years watching something on the other side of the room. She walked more into the room to see the one and only James Potter.

She thought to herself as she huffed, ‘what is he doing now?’

She watched him for a moment when she realised all the students looking at him were completely silent, which wasn’t surprising. James Potter could hold a lot of people's attention, but had never truly held Lily’s before.

She heard him talking. He was telling a story and entertaining the first years with Sirius and Remus helping him.

She made sure to stay at the back of the room as she kept watching. She was surprised by how he cared about those around him and making sure they were all entertained.

2.

Lily had been walking through the halls when she heard the sounds of someone crying. She followed the sound, wanting to help whoever it was. When she was close enough to see who it was, she saw it was a first year, but they weren’t alone.

No, sitting with them was James Potter.

He sat quietly as the student was talking to him.

She wanted to move but James was facing the way she would walk in. She really wanted to help, but was in awe of watching him with the child. He was so tender and sweet.

He gave the child some really good advice. Watching all of this unfold, she was pleasantly surprised to see how good he was with children and making sure they were happy. He was very understanding towards them.

3.

Lily felt the need to study and the best place to do so was in the library, where it was quiet and the perfect atmosphere for studying. She walked in there and over to where she normally studied.

When she got to her usual table, she saw James Potter sitting there looking a bit stressed about something.

“James,” she said quietly to try and get his attention. No luck, didn’t move at all.

“James,” she tried again a little louder, but got the same result.

“Potter,” she used the same volume as just before, and this time he looked up at her.

“Evans, what are you doing here?”

“I came here to study, but you seem to be having trouble. What are you studying?”

He nodded to what she was saying before responding, “Potions. I’m horrible at it and I don’t understand this current assignment.”

Lily’s eyes lit up. “I came down here to do that assignment. Would you like some help? I can help you as I do mine too.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Really? You’re a lifesaver. I don’t understand any of it.”

She sat down in the seat next to him as she looked over what he had.

That’s how they spent the morning and that was the day that Lily was surprised about how studious James actually was. She helped him with any assignments and he helped her with any assignments or spells that she couldn’t understand or get the hang of.

4.

“Oi, Snivellus,” Lily heard James yell one day. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size? You know, instead of third years who’re smaller than you.”

This got Lily’s attention and she went towards the commotion, when she got there James, Sirius and Remus were all standing in front of a third year, protecting them from not just Snape but other Slytherins as well, who seemed to be the one who was being bullied. She took a step closer and beckoned the third year over.

As the student ran over, she made sure that when Remus turned around that he knew the student was safe.

“Go to Professor McGonagall and tell her what’s happened,” she told them quietly. “And that Lily Evans sent you to her.”

With that, the student ran off and Lily joined next to Remus.

“Really? Four seventh years against one third year? How is that fair?”

She stood her ground alongside the three Marauders and against the seventh year Slytherins. The four Slytherins ended up with a months worth of detentions all to be had with Professor McGonagall.

That was the day Lily was surprised by James’ willingness to risk his own life to protect those in need and those who were being treated badly.

5.

Lily was rushing to class with her books and she ran into someone; meaning she dropped everything she’d been carrying.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she bent down to gather her things. “I’m running late to class and I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

She looked up as someone held two books she hadn’t picked up yet. She looked up and saw the face of James Potter smiling at her

“We have the same class, Evans,” he said. “So why don’t we walk together? I’ll carry the books and if anyone asks, I’ll take the blame for you being late, if it helps.”

He kept hold of the books and helped her up. This was the day she was surprised by how kind and helpful James Potter really is.

+1.

Lily had this all planned out.

Lily and her friends: Marlene, Dorcas and Mary had engaged the Marauders in conversation.

After a few minutes, she asked, “James, do you mind if I talk to you alone for a few minutes?”

When he responded with yes, she glanced over at Marlene, who winked at her before she walked alongside James until they were a little further away.

“James, I’ve noticed how much you’ve changed this year, or maybe you’ve always been this way and I’ve never been able to see it properly, but either way, I have something I wanted to ask.” As she kept talking, she started speaking faster because of her nerves.

“Lily, deep breaths and slow down, please,” James said, before he guided her in this. “Now, what is it you wanted?”

“James, I’ve noticed how much you’ve matured and how you care about others and I think I can safely ask, will you go out with me?”

“On a date?” He sounded surprised, which she guessed was going to be because he thought she didn’t like him, which had not been true. She just didn’t want to be with someone who was arrogant and treated people badly.

“Yes?”

“You want to go on a date with me?”

“Yes, James,” at this point her voice got a bit louder. “Will you, James Potter, go out on a date with me?”

“Yes. I’d love to.” He paused. “Is it alright if I kiss you now?”

“Yes.”

The moment he got that answer, he kissed Lily softly, before pulling away, and saying, “I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

She laughed before playfully pushing his shoulder, before they walked back to their friends together.

That was the day James was surprised by Lily asking him out. He had been completely oblivious to how her attitude towards him changed. He vowed to make sure she knew she made the right choice with him.

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 💖 - March 2024 - Sagittarius

Singles:

Who is Coming In: 7 Cups & The Chariot

Regarding: 9 Swords rev

Long-Term Potential: 4 Swords rev

This isn’t “A” person, it’s several people, you have limitless options and you know it. None of them really float your boat, none of them have long term potential, at least right now. 50% if you are stuck on an ex, and will ultimately choose to head back in that direction and fix your relationship. The other 50% are openly dating, not committing to anyone, not interested and unbothered about it. You would be healing from the last relationship, looking for rebounds, not trying to settle down. For now, I get you’re not serious and you’re waiting for “the one”. When you meet them, you’ll settle down, and it’s that simple. Old School could show your standards being something you were taught or it’s been pushed on you somehow, “mama said don’t marry someone who xyz” - and that could be a block. If you’re not healing from an ex, you’re healing from a very strict family/religion/some sort of conservative teachings that have kinda brainwashed you, for some, for others you genuinely have a lot of standards someone has to meet - maybe because of family or religion. 9 Swords is stressss about this. It’s a big wide world out there and there is no one right way. You can marry someone and travel the country in a van. You can find someone that flies planes and travel the world. You could move to the mountains, off grid, and live off the land. Own a farm, raise donkeys and grow marijuana. You can do the 9-5 thing and hang your hat with a housewife too, there is no one right way 💗 Unless you think there is.

Messages:

Nada - first time for everything 🤷

OLD SCHOOL 📻

- Outdated Thinking

- Conditioning

- Replaying Events Over in Your Head

“Zen as fuck” but reversed, stressed as fuck. Flip it over and see how happy people are doing 50,000 different ways of living, it’s ok. What beliefs do you have that are *yours*?

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Aries, Virgo, Scorpio & Sagittarius

Couples:

Them: Ace of Swords, Page of Swords, King of Swords & Knight of Swords

Regarding: The Moon

I think you both are playing around, casually dating each other, and maybe other people too. You’ve met your match with this one, the two of you are very similar energies. They have heavy swords, I’ve never seen every swords card in one person before 😆 I don’t think they expected this to get serious, but here they are catching feelings, and you kinda freak them out for that reason. If you’re not dating casually, then you were friends first, maybe even friends now, this person is super chatty and probably considers you someone they enjoy talking to. A lot, they talk A LOT, about everything. They could ask you a lot of questions about yourself, they’re trying to figure you out. How you feel, where you stand, if you’re into them, beliefs, what do you want? A very intellectual way of approaching love, they wouldn’t even call it that…yet. Not out loud. They’re also trying to figure themselves out and their own…what do *they* want? Wtf are these feelings, why is Sag looking good in that way when I’ve seen them pick their nose, daily? What is wrong with me 😆😆😆

This is freakin cute and I’m here for it. You make them really happy, they can’t wait to see you and tell you everything, they want to start something with you, or if you already have, they’re really excited about it. They didn’t realize they liked you like that, their Oracle showing “struck by love” feels like this person, something about you hit them like lightning ⚡️ You two could both talk about being with other people a lot, your sexual exploits (could be part of the attraction), or you have until now. They don’t know if they’re okay with what you do (have done?) or switch that. They don’t want to ruin anything. If you’re the one that’s asked them out, ya done sent them into a tailspin 😂 Heavy air sign energy, this is great.

Messages:

- Pornstar ⭐️

- Indecisive 🤷‍♂️

CUPID’S ARROW 💘

- Have Faith

- Love is Coming

- Surprise Invitation

- Struck by Love

“Find your fucking center.”

You: 2 Pentacles, The Star, Knight of Pentacles

Regarding: 3 Cups

I’m also getting you didn’t expect this person to become what it looks like they’re becoming to you. Your messages show you’re crazy about them, willing to pursue them, but maybe didn’t expect that NOW. If they’ve been with someone else, maybe dating “some shmuck” 😆 I heard, they could be newly single and you swoop tf in TODAY. You want them, they’re yours, you could’ve been waiting for this moment even. But also…they’re not the only one. 3 Cups is dating around, people have your number, you’re getting “U up?” texts at 2am from your last conquest or w/e. You constantly go back and forth on what to do, because you recognize this person as a Hierophant. Someone serious, marriage potential, the real deal, or it could be. You seem to have a solid connection, and you know if you offer something then it’s gotta be Pentacles or forget it. The Star shows you seeing this in this person. Your path, a future. You’re comfortable enough with them that it could be forever, but like this person, you’re like “whaaaaat” because *forever* has not even been on your radar hello, Oracle shows living in the moment, when tf did forever become right now? Also freaking out. Your energy is more about taking the leap anyway, you’re afraid if you don’t while you can, you’ll lose them. Or you already know that. You aren’t sure what you *do* have to lose either though. Does a serious relationship mean you can’t be yourself? Or it has to be super serious and you can’t have fun?

Messages:

- I will never leave you alone.

- Old Time Romance 🌹

PARTYING 🥳

- Time With Friends

- Having Fun

- Happily Single

- Living in the Moment

“Om Shakalaka” 💃

Mutual: Page of Cups, The Devil, 2 Cups

Regarding: The Hierophant

You both need to calm down, that’s what this is saying. On the bottom, you’re having a panic attack 😆 Because this is mirrored, both of you have preconceived notions of what “commitment” is, that could be kinda toxic. Or you could come from toxic families, have been in toxic relationships before, you both have a funny way of seeing The Hierophant as control. Or you’re both trying to control every little aspect of every little thing, your feelings. Controlling feelings? You can’t! I mean, within reason. Even this says you can’t, there is genuine love between you and the feelings can’t be caged or held hostage like you both are trying to do. Your oracles say to chill, enjoy the moment. You both could be with other people too, that’s an obvious definition of The Devil, talking to each other while you’re in other connections. At the bottom of the deck shows Wheel of Fortune, your energy darling 🩷, things are changing in your love life and it’s looking like you both are considering giving up who you’re with in order to be with each other. I’ve gotten that same story several times this month, could be something in the air. If there’s a control aspect to this, it could delay things, the point is to let it flow however it flows, the Oracle shows “meeting and talking”, just start with that and don’t worry about the rest. Get clear with each other on your feelings, and eventually this Emperor will have to flip upright, both of you will have to do something about it - cutting off other options in order to actually be together. Both of you. Feels pretty new though, at least in a loving sense, you’re building something together, the friendship part of your connection is solid. After that, it’s nothing until it is, calm down.

COFFEE CUP ☕️

- Meeting & Talking

- Savoring the Moment

- Feeling Elated

- Building Friendship

Signs you may be dealing with:

Gemini, Aquarius, Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus & Aries

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I break off an old friendship with someone who stayed by my side despite my mental and general life issues, after everyone else had left?

This friend from high school had been a great friend, kept me company when I was all alone, supported me through two bad breakups, we went to the same college and we were very close.

Until I started talking more openly about politics, being queer, mental health etc. She's the facebook liberal type, slightly left of center. She gave me the freedom to be more open with her by being cool with taboo topics, then turned sour when it extended beyond what she knew. Examples, she'd change subject if I talked about queer media when normally she's telling her friends how she had a sleepover with her "wife" and saw each other naked. She was surprised to learn that you're not supposed to out someone against their will. She believes cops are bad only in USA. We're not Americans.

She started being open with me too, she told me how she hated it when her classmates talked about their favorite music, how she hated any fandom stuff they talked about besides discussing fanfics with another fandom friend, how she makes excuses so she can go wherever she wants alone and not with friends. She told me she spies on my exes on facebook insta etc and tried to tell me what they've been up to and only stopped telling me about after many requests and explanations as to why that made me really uncomfortable.

A few months ago she and I had a fight, she exclaimed that my politics was too American (I'm just an average leftist like most of 30+ tumblr and my other friends), that my politics was too fandom oriented (she avoids fandom so much she has blocked activists for even hinting at being a fandomgoer, like discussion of racism in fandom is waste of time and silly to her, fan-anything can't be taken seriously), mocked me for having childish interests (just knowing pop culture in general) then we stopped talking.

After some months she texted that she really misses talking to me as I was her only "progressive friend" who understood her when she wanted to discuss feminism, movies, world politics etc. She said she needed me to be her gateway to pop culture knowledge as I knew so many cool new things. She begged me to be friends again, and since I missed hanging out with her a lot I started chatting again. But I told her that it was hard for me to forgive her and I'd leave for real if she hurts me again.

This time she let go of the normal daily stuff we used to talk about and only stuck to Topics of Debate. She asked me to teach her progressive thinking, educate her, but when I asked if she wanted to touch on lgbt+ topics or physical -mental health related topics outside of her comfort zone of basic sexual health, she danced around a lot instead of giving an answer. I snapped and asked yes or no, she said no.

I asked her if she understands that even if she didn't feel like those topics were her priority, I'd probably want to talk about them with her as a queer neurodivergent person and friend, would that be an issue? She kind of ignored it to say that basically her priority was just local political gossip, religion, and a little bit of solarpunk stuff, outdated at that. I was disappointed but let it go and we decided to talk later.

The other day she messaged me with her usual gossip about how her friends are being too excited about some music stuff and what book she thinks I should read (we have completely different taste). And I got a panic attack. Since then I've had multiple panic attacks at the thought of having to talk to her.

She has been one of my oldest friends, she supported me and took my side in every breakup I had and she forced me to go outside when I was severely depressed, she was practically family, but now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I bring up any topic she dislikes she's going to turn away, if I come out to her as trans she'll joke and start to avoid me, she doesn't want to learn anything new even though she takes pride in being a great learner, if I talk about things that make me happy she'll ignore it. I don't know if she'll go and tell others how cringey my interests are. Maybe she'll go to my exes and tell them I used her as support and threw her away when she didn't meet the standard as that's been a line of thinking among my exes.

I'm also struggling with BPD and anxiety, so maybe I'm hating her now and will want her back later, it's my brain being a jerk? I think I'm overreacting and she won't do any of these, but I also feel so drained after we talk these days. I need friends who I can talk to about mundane things, friends who share memes with me and tell me what anime they're passionate about, what new recipe they liked, instead I feel like I'm just there to drag her down with my issues and politics and dumb jokes. But multiple people think I used and discarded them for not agreeing politically, I'd usually disagree but what if I am the problem and I expect too much?

So I'm asking, am I being a jerk if I cut her off?

What are these acronyms?

[comm-caribou]

Alright… let’s talk…

(Honestly, this post is mostly just an update on my life and why I’ve been off tumblr all year)

This is going to be a very long post with a lot of venting. No sugar coating it, no beating around the bush.

I’ve had some pretty messed up and awful things happen in my life, I don’t like talking about them openly. However, those things were spread out… this year SUCKED!

To explain where I’ve been, we have to start back in October when I stopped posting as much regularly.

I met a guy at work, we got along really great… but he just got out of an abusive relationship. Despite what I thought was an instant connection, he was wary of me and based on my own experience, I was guarded. We danced around this crush for weeks before our coworkers caught on and someone told him I’m single, someone told me he’s single, and we were exchanging numbers.

Despite dumping him and “wanting-nothing-to-do-with-him”, his ex continued to find reasons to message him or break into his home… so finding out he met someone, she was livid and somehow got both my number and my name. She was calling me and harassing me from an unknown number so I couldn’t even block her. When he found out, he ended up getting into a big fight with her and the ex disappeared, but it wasn’t over.

This guy and I started dating. We were happy and having fun learning all about each other, then my “friends” started cutting into the relationship and putting pressure on both of us. We weren’t even boyfriend/girlfriend yet and they were telling him to buy me stuff, give me flowers, take me places, and do things for me! If I told them to stop, they’d tell me they were just playing and to lighten up. In hindsight, I know I should of did better in stopping them, after all, it wasn’t fair to him to be harassed like that even if he said it didn’t bother him.

Things began falling apart in December. My (now ex) best friend invited me to a Christmas party. I don’t like parties, but she said he could come too. We went, he got a little drunk, she kept separating us to spend time with me, he got more drunk, I got overstimulated and annoyed, and I drove him home. Three days before Christmas, I get screenshots from his ex. He sent her drunk texts saying “I miss you, but I have a girlfriend now” and “I don’t feel happy anymore, I don’t have fun anymore”

What hurt worse a week before that, he told me I make him feel alive again and that he was falling in love with me. In less than a week, the same person who whispered he loved me told his ex he feels like nothing now that she’s gone.

I cried, vented to my friend, she comforted me, and then stabbed me in the back. I had told her not to bring it up because I wanted to talk to him and try to work this out. She told all our mutual friends and any coworker who would listen that he cheated on me right before Christmas, and guess who’s side they obviously took: mine.

I didn’t even get to talk to him before half the store knew some version of the story.

How he found out I knew was from one of his department coworkers—who has known me for years—basically going back there and asking him “what the f*ck is wrong with you?” and him getting an earful from the same people who helped push us together.

He was rightfully mad at me, but more so at my friend for sharing our business like that. We tried to get past it, but I was still hurt and I unintentionally made him very unliked employee.

I squashed the rumors, and people backed off.

His problems resolved. Mine didn’t.

I broke up with him. Deep down, I didn’t want to, but with everything happening I didn’t feel strong enough to keep going and he let me walk away saying I’m still his favorite coworker.

I cried for days, I was in love with him despite how much he hurt me.

A few weeks later I was informed the job I applied for in September was hiring again. I reapplied in January and got in, but it was going to be a long hiring process.

I still really liked my ex, it hurt seeing him, but we were still friends. My friends said it was very obvious he still cared for me, that there was a chance we could start again. He only came to me even if I had a line, he’d say hello to me, he’d make sure he said goodbye before leaving, he kept all my doodles, and I was delusional enough to believe them when they said that those were signs he still has feelings for me.

Except, he contacted his ex. The same person who abused him and harassed me multiple times was getting a second chance. It was Valentine’s Day and he told me I needed to forget him while I cried in the parking lot.

My friend dragged me out to the movies that night. I was heartbroken for this man all over again, and she was venting to me about how I was lucky since her crush doesn’t even notice her and that she’d give anything to have an one night stand with him. I just wanted to go home and she refused to let me go until we did something she could post on her Snap Story. She didn’t even care that you could see the tear marks on my face and posted a video of me acting happy and carefree in Target. I found out she posted it because she had my ex in her Snap friends and wanted him to see me “moving on”.

I was in hysterics crying when I finally drove home that I honestly shouldn’t have been driving.

I was in a very empty, sad state for weeks after that. I tried to pretend I was fine despite her telling everyone who’d listen that I was moping over a man who drunk texted his ex. The only thing I cared about at that point was getting my paperwork together to start my new job in March.

I barely spoke to my now ex, but the night before I started my new job, I got a bunch of texts from his phone. His now-girlfriend-again stole his phone and was texting me things like “you’re a f*cking slut” “crazy c*nt” “never talk to me again you stupid b*tch”.

She blocked on everything and I was laying in bed half asleep and extremely confused what happened when he called me on her phone. He to get us to clear things up, but all it was was her accusing him of cheating and her demanding me to explain myself. The last time I saw him outside of work was January and the only interaction we had that day was when he was when he came through my line to buy his lunch. It all gets straightened out (sort of) that he never was cheating and I’m just his friend/coworker, but I have to stay blocked. Even though I understand, I cry myself to sleep because I don’t know what happened and why it happened like that (I still don’t).

I start my new job, and it’s a month of online classes and training.

I was working three jobs by the end of March.

I’m sad, I’m stressed, I’m overworked.

It is the end of April, and my friend insists we go to the movies together to hang out. I agree to meet up at the theater after I get out of my very long day of working one job in the morning and another in the afternoon. Just as I’m about to drive half a hour to the theater, she cancels on me because she made other plans with other friends, but she says can hang out after nine o’clock.

I have work in the morning and I have a midnight curfew. When I try to tell her I can’t hang out that late at night, she doesn’t answer, so I drive home. Five minutes before the movie is suppose to start, she texts me suddenly able go with me again. At this point, I’m now home and not anywheres near close to being ready to go out and the theater is over half a hour away. She gets mad at me and accuses me of not making time for her anymore.

I hit my breaking point and our friendship starts dying from this point onward.

At the end of May—right before my birthday—I had a minor procedure done to help with my headaches. Nothing major, but I had to get my head cut open and stitches on the back of my head. I worried it was cancer—luckily it wasn’t—but I didn’t feel safe telling anyone considering how things went down the last time I shared what was happening in my life.

I dropped one of my jobs temporarily to focus on the new job and the summer job. Despite my manager position at the summer job, my supervisor had retired and the new supervisor didn’t really treat me as a manager. I had been there for nine years and for some reason my only use was training new employees. All my previous responsibilities were taken away and I would work eight hour long shifts outside in a hot shack with a janky desk fan doing nothing but reading books if I wasn’t showing a new sixteen year old how the cash register worked.

I put in my two weeks notice in June and was gone by July. The only ones who cared that I was leaving were the sixteen year old girls who thought it was cool I knew the latest TikTok trends, sang along to the Taylor Swift songs, and fangirled over the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie coming out.

After an extra a few weeks I spent focusing on the new job, I went back to work at the job with my ex and my ex-friend in early August. Despite working there only on weekends, I still found myself checking the parking lot to make sure I didn’t see either of their vehicles there. Most days I’m lucky and I can get away with not seeing either.

My mental health was beginning to take a turn for the worse as summer began to come to an end. I began a “healing journey” which included working on my passions, learning new skills, getting back in touch with my inner child, falling back in love with life, and working on my health.

Lately it’s been getting bad again despite my efforts.

Between the holidays coming up making both my jobs busy, my favorite coworker at my new job is leaving and it’s bringing out all the red flags about my new big girl job. We’re understaffed, there’s clear favoritism, and a lot stress put on us because of the field we work in.

Somedays I go home and I feel like I’m in a daze.

Most days, I lay in bed and just cry because the life I planned no longer exists and I feel stuck.

All I wanted in life was to fall in love, get married to someone who made me feel safe and loved, own a home together where we could raise our kids, and one day publish a physical book.

Now a days, I don’t feel anyone could love me and even if they could I won’t be able to love them. I thought my biggest challenge was going to be publication, not romance.

I’m just here. Stuck somewhere between I want to live and wondering what’s the point? I don’t want to die and I’m not actively thinking of ways to end my life, but there are nights where I lay in bed and the idea of not waking up in the morning doesn’t sound too bad.

I just want to write silly headcanons or lovey dovey stories, but I don’t feel happy and the idea of love hurts.

I want the old me back, but she’s gone.

The new me isn’t sure who exactly she is yet either.

All I know is this is me trying.