#lipstick gun video

[s-guacamolearts]

EVERYONE

WOMEN AND WEIRDGIRL ASSISTANTS

THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE WHOLE POST

[elliespectacular]

What are the origins of Yurf? I keep seeing them pop up in your ytps. I think they're v silly but I wanna know where they came from

Yurf first appeared in The Bat Is in a Sack - Upon hearing the phrase "And even your friends" from the source video, I thought it'd be funny to cut it off early and create a nonsense word in the process "And even yurf--". I had done this kind of joke before (for example, "The toaster pastry doughf" from WIM 3) but this time I wanted a visual to go with it. So I imagined what the word Yurf could mean, and my first thought was that it could be the name of a gnome or something.

I didn't want Yurf to be a gnome necessarily, just to vaguely give the vibe of one. To that end I added some elements to make Yurf distinct - namely the double-pointed hat, mittens, lack-of visible nose, and the lipstick.

After I had found excuses to throw Yurf jokes into other videos like Guns & Ropeses and Thing of Da Hill it became apparent that this character would be a recurring bit - so I commissioned my pal @dukeofash to bring the design to life further, and as usual he nailed it! You can see in the attached image the alternate design I sometimes use which takes heavy inspiration from Duke's version.

Yurf is kinda everything-ambiguous and I prefer it that way. Yurf is a stand-in for any time a sentence is said about an object or concept, but would be made funnier if it were about a silly lil' blorbo instead. There isn't much to know about what Yurf is "like" or "about" - just that they're happy to be included!

I think it's funny and awesome that my intention was to create a character that looked unique enough that nobody would mistake it for being a reference to anything else - but in doing so I instead created a character that everyone initially thinks is some outside reference they can't quite place.

[londonfog-chan]

I Will Not Keep My Mouth Shut About this High School Romance Between Eddie Munson x Reader (Headcanons)

Why lord? Why are we not talking about this?

I’ve dated metalhead guys in the past, and believe in me when I say these fuckers move fast.

Eddie is no exception to this rule. He loves hard and quickly, especially if you’re into the same things he’s into as well.

I’m talking balls to the wall insanity like: the day won’t even be over and he’ll have already asked you out, kissed you, offered you weed, and secretly be planning the names of the four kids he wants with you.

Mans is delulu as fuck for you.

As much as he has his passions there’s just something about the fact that you actually gave the town freak unconditional love that makes him desperate. Corroded Coffin, Hellfire Club, he’d pick you over them any day if it meant he got to keep you.

Guarantee, you’ll already have gone all the way before the weekend is up of that first week of the relationship.

Cherry boy cherry boy cherry boy.

But he knows what he’s doing. It will have been awkward but the best part is now “Rainbow in the Dark” makes you feel all hot under the collar and “Shame on the Night” makes you laugh and reminds you of the awkward panic cleaning up after.

The epitome of live fast die young. He will throw his life away if you ask him to, so make sure you use your powers wisely.

At some point Eddie will ask you to run away with him. He doesn’t give a shit where, so long as it’s with you.

Shared interests are probably how the two of you met in the first place, especially if you’re like me and unable to beat the weird kid allegations. You drifted towards his club because you for whatever reason were an outcast too.

Eddie would probably crush on those who are conventionally pretty, popular, the epitome of the 80’s beauty standards. That’s just human nature. But with you… it’s so much more different.

You’re like his nerdy fantasies come to life, like the princesses he writes about in his campaigns that are a mix of dark, dangerous, able to hold their own and fight for him and with him. Think of if you will a sexy bombshell rotoscoped into those old metal music videos. Facing the world wearing only red lipstick and a cocksure expression.

He would get along so well with someone who wasn’t afraid to let their wild side show, or to express it. But at the same time if you’re more shy and reserved, he is determined to help you come out of that shell and be the best possible version of yourself.

It’s impossible not to match his excitable energy, it’s just so goddamn contagious. It might scare you how far you’re willing to go for Eddie and how quickly you might find yourself changing. Because believe me, you will change, and it will be for the better.

Eddie will always be your number one hype man.

He will literally be so excited about everything you do because it’s you! The person he loves more than anyone in this whole entire world.

Eddie will literally put up with so much for you. Even if you guys fight he will struggle to maintain his composure because he does not want to fuck this beautiful thing up.

Drives himself up the wall with anxiety about it too. But that’s the thing about Eddie’s dynamic with you: is that he will do what it takes to keep his fucking cool around you.

Your fights are infrequent but can get explosive if there are unsaid insecurities. So to avoid this: keep honest with him. About everything. Don’t lie to him, because as fast as he fell for you, lying is the quickest way to break his trust and send him packing.

One of his flaws in the relationship is that his insecurity that this will all go away will make him all that more prepared to leave if you have a massive blow up fight.

Like he’s already preplanned his exit strategy and everything.

But the longer you’re together, the more comfortable he gets and eventually he settles down from jumping the gun into taking things one day at a time.

He’s a fucking keeper. And all I’m gonna say is you better start training with swinging a blunt weapon because once you have him, you’re going to be right there in the Upside Down fucking up some monsters keeping them away from your man.

[bullet-prooflove]

Hiii could u pls write 32)  “I’m always ready for a war again” for Tim Bradford. Thanks sm

Monster!Series:

Part One: Monster - Tim learns the reason you've been keeping your relationship a secret.

Part Two: The Gaslight (NSFW) - Tim tracks you down a month into your leave of absence.

Part Three: Stalemate - Captain Ashmore discovers your relationship with Tim.

Part Four: Foul Play - Ashmore employs another tactic in his hunt for you.

Part Five: Prayer - Tim comes face to face with his worst fear.

It’s past one in the morning and Captain Anthony Ashmore sits in his office, his left hand curled around a crystal tumbler of scotch and whilst an ice pack rests on his right, soothing the pain that ebbs across his split knuckles. The skin is raw and bruised already, he knows that it’ll be worse tomorrow. It doesn’t matter because there’s a catharsis in the pain. He got what he wanted, it’s all over now.

As he sits there, he thinks of you lying at his feet, beaten, broken, bloodied. The faint rasp of your breathing echoing in his ears before he’d knelt down beside you, his thumb trailing over your lower lip, smearing the blood like lipstick.

Goodbye my love, he had whispered before he kissed you.

He can still taste the copper in his mouth. It tastes bitter and sweet.  He’d placed his palm on the centre of your chest then, pressing down hard as that last breath had left your body.

It’s a powerful feeling, taking someone’s life, looking into their eyes during their final moments.

He hopes it’s Bradford that finds you, that the Sergent looks at you and knows that he did this, that he’s the one that killed you.

“He makes me come, in a way you never could.” You’d spat in his face when he’d confronted you about those pictures.

It’s those words that make him lose control, the sting of them, the knowledge that a man so far beneath him has brought you pleasure, that you think he’s better then Anthony. He doesn’t remember the first blow, or any of them really, only the rage that ate through his veins like a wildfire when he imagined Bradford’s hands on you, his name on your lips as he fucked you.

It’s only in the aftermath that he’d realised what he’d done, how far he’d gone. He’s done something similar once before, the night he put a gun in your mouth when he’d seen you and Hasim embracing. He hadn’t realised your partner was gay at that point, that him and his husband had just been cleared for adoption. That had been the catalyst for the divorce. You never documented it, just like you didn’t document all the other times he lost his shit.

Everything he did was because he loved you and you just couldn’t see it.

When they come to arrest him, he doesn’t expect it. He thought he’d covered his tracks, leveraging a few friends to provide him with an alibi, a late-night poker game. All three are well established fellow cops, it should have been enough. Afterall the other evidence is circumstantial. The bruises on his knuckles were from where someone had tried to mug him, he’d been too embarrassed to report it, he’d tell them.

What he hadn’t reckoned on was the video. He doesn’t remember seeing any cameras on the premises when he’d scouted the house previously which means you’d installed them not long before he’d arrived tonight.

It’s a set up; he realises as the handcuffs are fastened on his wrists. Something you’d orchestrated to catch him in the act. You’ve spent months evading him and then tonight when he’d drove past the house, the living room light had been on, and it was like a moth to a flame.

He laughs when he realises what you’ve done, it’s a hollow twisted sound that scratches across Angela’s nerve endings as she hauls him towards the door. Anthony’s always been taken by how well you can outthink a perp, it’s one of the things he’d loved about you.

“Fuck, she got me.” He says shaking his head. “She got me good.”

@redpool @malindacath @anime-weeb-4-life @burningpeachpuppy @viridianphtalo @vermillionwinter

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

??? Is this where I drop by to share my headcanons about House of Mouse Yuu? Tumblr is so confusing. Anyway, back on track.

It’s a newer idea of mine but I am kicking and screaming about the idea of a Detective! Yuu!

She starts to get suspicious of things after Leona’s overblot. Things are WAY too convenient to be mere coincidences. She at first brushed off Riddle’s overblot as a one time thing. It was clear that Riddle was long overdue for his damn to break.

But Leona, a man of great intelligence as well as physical strength that can beat ten men like he’s squishing a cockroach overblotting during the biggest, most important events for him? Plotting against Diasomnia’s team was clearly only the first layer. The time and place was way too convenient. If Yuu hadn’t been there to find out his secret plan and fool him, it’s likely Leona would have succeeded. What Yuu thought was just a petty ploy for revenge against people who always saw Leona as lesser turns into a game of follow the strings.

Don’t even get me started on book three. Illegal scamming and forced labor? Suspicious. Yuu finds it way too odd that she had the perfect team to beat the overblot after she foils another housewarden’s scheme. Any why so soon after Leona’s overblot? A few months between each blot fight might seem large to some but three overblots in the span of a school year? Each one perfectly linking the first to the next? It doesn’t seem plausible that THREE students secretly decided to act out plans of demise only to overblot afterwards?

Yuu knew they all had sob backstories but GEEZE. (Even Idia found it suspicious about the amount of overblots)

And now, how this all plays out into the House of Mouse.

Yuu goes about her work like a normal person, except she’s incredibly talented at solving puzzles or word games. If there’s an accident in the kitchen while no one is there watching, Yuu puts together clues and finds the answers in record time.

Patrons like Roger (from 101 Dalmatians)might bring a newspaper to the club one night to have some fun with the word cross only to get befuddled when suddenly Yuu pops up behind him and gives him the answers to the hardest ones because she knows it’s rude to ruin people’s fun. Yuu gives Roger a pat on the back and continues on with serving the villains’ food and drinks.

Yuu just knowing oddly specific information about things the crew like Donald or Mickey might not know. For example knowing exactly what Goofy had for breakfast despite being in Twisted Wonderland all morning or where Donald left that one CD in his house boat that he could never seem to find. Or if Minnie and the others can’t remember a code for a work computer or something like that, Yuu walks in when she hears about it and simply types in the entire 20 digit code from memory and then walks out again like it was nothing. Even when Minnie is very sure she never told Yuu the code to that specific device. And that no one had told Yuu, either. (I don’t know why they wouldn’t tell her-maybe for security/safety reasons? Y’know, with Pete{is that his name? I haven’t watched HoM lately} always trying to destroy the HoM?)

Omg—I didn’t realize how much I was rambling until I scrolled?! So I’ll leave you with these last few bits!

•Grim wearing a beige trenchcoat and fedora during the second book while they try to figure out what Leona is hiding and Yuu not having the heart to tell him that’s not actually how detectives/investigators actually dress

•Yuu having multiple impossible to solve rubiks cubes and hand written what-if scenario essays scattered inside her dressing room to pass the time

•Yuu having AT LEAST three makeup items like lipstick or a compact mirror that is actually gadgets like a mini sleep-dart gun or just simply using the mirror to spy on people behind her

•Yuu playing video games like ‘bomb diffuser simulator’ or murder mystery board games like Clue when Ace, Deuce, and others come over

•Yuu ironically/purposefully using a cork board and red string when solving cases just because it’s fun

Okay so when you first said Detective!Yuu, my first thought went to The Great Mouse Detective. Like imagine Yuu and Basil of Baker Street being mystery solving besties (with Basil sitting on her shoulder or breast pocket). I feel like detective!Yuu would remind Basil of Sherlock Holmes (especially in that one scene in the Savanaclaw manga where Grim wears the classic deerstalker and is holding a smoking pipe)

Meanwhile Professor Ratigan is sulking because he was supposed to be besties with her.

I remember there was this one Goofy cartoon which was 'How To Be A Detective' and Yuu is just in the sidelines shaking her head and laughing at all of his antics.

Since Yuu is just a teenager I reckon that she wouldn't be an actual detective but would be more like the Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew or the characters in the Enid Blyton books, 'Famous Five' or 'The Five Find-Outers and Dog.

I bet that she even goes head on with Professor Von Drake for a battle of the minds when he gets too full of himself (and then beats him, much to Mickey's amusement).

[deluxewhump]

The Scry

Ch 1: Does Precognitive 4 Have a Name?

-This is a repost to rebuild vanished posts and broken links on the masterlist. Thanks for understanding.-

CW: whumpee with powers, human trafficking, forced labor, forced use of powers, whumpee meets caretaker, restraints, mention of neglect and abuse

Spartan Enterprises - Baltimore, MD. 9:15 AM EST

Max moved into his current office three months ago when the previous occupant rage-quit mid quarterly meeting in a full room of directors. 

Full length windows let in plenty of natural light, even on rainy days. He had a desk outfitted with three monitors and a laptop, a miniature fridge, and an armchair for any visiting colleagues. He liked the privacy of an actual office, though it was oppressively quiet sometimes. He could select his own music to play out of the ceiling speakers though, possibly the biggest improvement since leaving a cubicle. They were out there listening to their fourth rotation of Christmas Classics against their wills, hours before lunch.

And now he was getting a Christmas bonus.

“It’s open,” he called when a knock finally came on his office door at 9:15. 

He was relieved to see a familiar blonde bob, purplish lipstick and bright eyes poke in. Cecelia. “Hey, Max? Uhm. Delivery.”

“Thank God,” he said, standing and rounding his desk. “I was picturing the secret service. Men in Black.”

“Oh no, just regular package dropoff detail,” she laughed nervously, holding the door mostly shut still so that she was just peeking her head in. 

Max stopped a few feet from the door, tilting his head. “So? Is it with you?”

Cissy winced. “He is. Yeah. Uhm… God, could you maybe sit down?”

“Sit down?”

“You’re just… you’re big and intimidating, Max, you’ll see what I mean in a sec. Just siddown, will you?”

Normally he would’ve teased her about being bossy, maybe said something about her Boston accent. Today he went back behind his desk and sat down. She watched him until he was seated a safe distance from the door before she swung it open slowly, letting into his view a tall, slender boy with a mess of dark wavy hair. He was young, but the circumstances made it hard to guess how old he might be. His eyes were big and dark, ringed with purple circles and yellow bruising running along his cheekbones, his jaw. His hands were cuffed in front of him with angry red ligatures on the wrists. The cuffs were a garish, matte orange.

He wore beige clothes, as if they had been white once but were so dingy and uncared for they now were a stained eggshell color. The pristine newness of his white tennis shoes stood out against the rest of his clothes. 

Cissy bit her lip, watching Max’s reaction. 

“Can you shut the door, Cissy?”

She nudged the precog a few more steps so she could comply. It didn’t go unnoticed when she turned the tab lock on the doorknob. 

“Max,” she said softly. “This is Precognitive 4. Assigned to you.”

Max eyed the boy again. He was younger than he’d anticipated this thing being. The slight frame he’d noticed before looked, upon closer inspection, to be some degree of malnutrition. Those yellowing marks were almost certainly bruises. 

“Does Precognitive 4  have a name?”

The boy’s eyes flashed up to meet his, but went right back to the floor. The cuffs made a tinkling metallic sound as they clicked together . They were real, despite being orange like the cap on a toy gun.

“His name is Carlo,” Cissy answered for him, giving him a nudge and a reassuring smile. “Carlo, this is Max Kelly.” She leaned closer, though he could still hear what she whispered to him.  “You’re gonna be fine with him, honey. He’s nice.”

“We haven’t, uh. We haven’t had any training yet…”

“Oh yeah, that’s fine. I know, I know. It’ll be on your calendar sometime today. We can just do it online, everyone can hop on the link. It’s a power point, a few videos. Not a big deal. And the gist of the whole thing is, you know… they can tell you how they work best, because they’re not all the same. So it’s more like you and your assignment will be training each other.” She smiled brightly, though there was something tense behind it. She had reservations about this. By 9:15, this one was likely not the first she had delivered.

“Okay,” he smiled back, probably just as strained. “Thanks, Cissy.”

“No problem,” she said, turning to the door. “Oh!”

She came up to his desk, setting down a pair of tiny silver keys. “They uhm… for the handcuffs.”

Max lowered his voice. “Why the handcuffs in the first place? Are they a flight risk or something?”

“No, no. It’s a legal thing. For transport, and you’re supposed to be the only one to take them off. Or … leave them on.”

“Leave them on?”

She winced. “Those were the instructions.”

He didn’t know what else to say. She was clearly not pleased, and holding back, and trying to do her job as she always did, with a bubbly little front so everyone would like her. He wanted to tell her to drop it when she got tired of it, that he’d like her anyway.

He kept his voice low, making sure she was between him and the precog so he was less likely to hear what they were whispering about. “Is this not kind of fucked?”

She dropped her voice to the barest breath. “It’s completely fucked. Just take good care of him. What else can you do?”

“If I refuse him…”

“No,” she hissed, eyes widening. “He’d go to fucking Austin, Max. He was next in line.”

He gave her a knowing look. Austin was a grade-A prick and a pain in everyone’s ass. He didn’t need to be handed a rare, vulnerable thing like the one standing in the middle of his office floor right now. “Ok. Exactly.”

She straightened up, her voice at a normal volume again. “I’ll swing by before I leave today, I’ve got a teeny little checklist they want us to go over with you guys to have on file.”

She paused in front of the precog like she wanted to say something else, dropped her chin, and slipped out the door without another backward glance. 

“Hi,” Max said now that they were alone. “Can I take those things off your wrists?”

The boy glanced down as if he didn’t remember what he had on his wrists. He looked at Max warily, eyes drifting to the keys. 

“They look like they hurt. Do they?” 

Do you feel pain? Are you really just a human?

He responded by taking a tentative step forward in those white tennis shoes, then another. When he was reasonably close to Max’s desk he stopped, raising his eyes. 

“Thanks,” Max said, slowly reaching for the keys and picking them up off the desk. He held them up, ready to turn in the lock if the boy would meet him halfway. 

Slowly, gingerly, he raised his wounded wrists close enough to the key that they were in Max’s reach. He leaned over his desk, tilting his head to better see the keyhole. He tried to insert the key without applying much pressure, knowing the metal was biting into the angry skin there. A little push. A twist. The cuffs fell open and the precog flinched as they fell to the ground at his feet. He turned his hands palm-up, looking at the damage to the underside of his wrists. 

“I’m sorry about that,” Max said. “I really don’t see why anyone felt those were necessary. Do you want to sit down?” He gestured to the armchair. The precog eyed it but did not oblige him. 

“You need something to drink, Carlo?” he asked, making sure to use his name. A hopeful flash came into his eyes and was hidden a moment later.

“If you’d like, Sir.”

“Oh. Max,” he corrected gently. “Call me Max. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, by the looks of it. Might as well get used to each other. This is my office. I’ll set you up a work space, of course. Once they tell us what the hell is going on, that is.” He smiled, trying to put the precog at ease and failing. 

“Work space?” the boy echoed timidly. 

He can speak, Max thought with relief. 

“Mhm. I mean, once we figure out how we’re gonna do this.”

The boy paled. “Do what?”

Max stared at him. “You don’t know?”

He flinched. “N-no, Sir. I— I’m sorry, I…I wasn’t told where I was going. Or… why…” he trailed off. 

“It’s okay,” Max placated, holding out his hands in what he hoped was a universal gesture of goodwill. “Sounds like we’re in the same boat then, kid. I’ll fill you in with all I know, though it isn’t much. We can ask each other questions.”

“Sit down,” Max instructed this time, instead of asking. He fetched an unopened lemonade from the mini fridge Eddie had left last week. He twisted it open and handed it to the boy at arm’s length so he didn’t have to get too close to him. The precog took it, drinking carefully at first and then eagerly. 

He sat in the armchair, watching Max’s every move. Max pulled his desk chair around, closer but not too close, and sat down.

“I’ve worked here for five years. This organization is called Spartan Enterprises, or just Spartan. We’re like a credit reporting bureau but a little different. I run an account here. I’m not management of any kind, I’m just an account exec. I happened to have a pretty good year last year, and that’s the reason I got selected to get… to get one of you. I guess they’re hoping we can work together, and you can use your… abilities to help me make good decisions. Really good decisions.”

The precog watched him guardedly. He looked so lost. Max wanted to call Ingrid, tell her to come help him.

“I don’t know how much you know about all this, but your… Well, precognitives have just now been made available to the general public. Actually, not the general public, you’re way too expensive for that. For the super rich, I guess. And organizations, like Spartan. We… the public, I mean- civilians- don’t know the first thing about you guys.”

The precog seemed disturbed by that, kept looking Max over like he was the anomaly in this office, not the other way around. 

“You can ask me things,” Max said gently. “Anything you’d like.”

The boy took another parched dreg from the lemonade. “How do you… make money here?”

Max sat back in his chair, folded his ankle over his knee. “I get other businesses to agree to work with ours. With me. I execute a contract. We provide a valuable service. Information. The information helps them make money and stay out of lawsuits. They pay us what we agreed to in the contract. The surplus goes in Spartan’s pocket. I get a cut of that surplus. As well as a salary.”

The precog worked that through for a moment. “And that’s all legal?”

“Quite.”

“And using me to… to help… is that legal, too?”

Max remembered what he’d read in the article to Simon last night about precogs being used for various illegal ventures, insider trading and ripping off casinos.

“It is, yeah. All above board. We’ve got a legal team who reviews everything we do very carefully. This is a big initiative. An expensive one. I’m sure it was gone over with a fine tooth comb. And even if something changes, it would fall on the organization. Not me. Certainly not you.’

That struck some chord. He looked up sharply, and Max got the impression he was both wary and hopeful at the same time. Max wanted to ask where he’d been before this. Had he been one of the repossessed precogs?

“Can I ask you something now?”

He nodded almost imperceptibly. 

“How old are you?”

He blinked. “I’m twenty.”

“Are you hurt, other than what I can obviously see?”

He pulled at his sleeves habitually, like they would hide the marks on his wrists. They weren’t long enough. “No,” he whispered.

He looked cold, at the very least. Max pulled his jacket off the back of his chair. To his dismay, the boy flinched back in the armchair like he was going to be struck in the nose.

“Easy,” Max said gently. He spread the jacket like a blanket and slowly, carefully, draped it over the boy’s legs. “You look cold.”

You can feel cold, right? And of course you feel pain, or they wouldn’t have hit you. You wouldn’t flinch from me the way you do, like you’re scared of me. You’re not an alien, or robot, or even some kind of lab experiment. You’re just a kid.

The precog pulled the jacket up close to his chest, shivering slightly into the body warmth left over from where Max’s back had been pressed against it.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Max told him. “I know this must be really unsettling. And no one told you what was going on. But you’re with me now, and I promise it’s all going to be very above-board. No one wants to get you in trouble. It’s gonna bore you to tears, actually.”

The precog surprised him with a hint of a smile.

“And I don’t really know what’s going on either, but I’ll figure it out, and I’ll always tell you anything once I know. But there’s a couple things I do know. I’ll never hurt you, for one. I’m not gonna hit you. No one here is going to lay a hand on you. I’ll feed you, get you real clothes. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable. And I won’t ask for anything you tell me you can’t give.”

The precog had turned his head to look out the window. He nodded sharply. When he turned back, he ducked his head to swipe at his eyes. He was crying.

Max felt an unexpectedly sharp tug at his heart. Oh, fuck me.

He rolled his chair back to his desk and opened one of the drawers to a semi-organized mess of extra pens, an old wireless keyboard, and a travel pack of kleenex. He ripped open the plastic with his teeth and wheeled closer again, offering a tissue to the crying boy.

He took it, ducking his head into it in shame so he wouldn’t have to look at Max or let him see. 

“I’m gonna leave you alone for a sec,” Max told him stiffly. He wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t know how. Maybe it was the comfort he’d offered in his words that set the kid off in the first place.

 “I’m gonna run up to the cafe and get you something to eat. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

As soon as he shut his office door and stepped into the hallway, he heard a single muffled, ragged sob from the other side of the wall. 

Jesus Christ, Spartan, he thought as he headed to the elevator. What the fuck did you buy us?

[brunette-barbie4562]

Uncharted (Duff McKagan X OC)

Summary: Unsure of her next steps in life, Carreen Joy "CJ" Thompson finds herself taking a job working under the Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan during the Not in the Lifetime... Tour. She faces the fast-paced and foreign world of rock n' roll, touring, and groupies, as well as blossoming taboo feelings for her boss.

-

Trigger Warnings: Abortion

-

7

February 2018

Planned Parenthood / Redding, California 

CJ sat in a waiting room, nervously biting her fingernails, trying to keep her nerves from overflowing into sheer terror. The room was painted a bright blue, a television on low volume droned in the background, there was a large coffee table with an array of pamphlets on them. She tried to read some of them, making herself focus on something. Birth control options. Ways to protect against STDs. All about prenatal care. First time mother. CJ felt a wave of nausea, looking away. She was alone in the waiting room, sitting in a corner chair, cocooned in her large winter jacket. If only she could sink into her jacket and not return.

It was mid-day. CJ had made the appointment when she knew her aunt and Michelle would be working, thinking she was still at home, recovering with her wrist and hip. The clinic had not been a far drive, but she had taken it slow, driving with her good hand. She wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible while keeping her panic at bay. Once it was done, she could pretend it never happened. She could go on with her life.

A nurse appeared from the hallway and CJ looked up at her, feeling as if this woman had come to take her to the slaughter. The nurse smiled warmly at her, and CJ focused on the red lipstick she was wearing, trying to grasp onto something to ground herself. The woman spoke to her.

“Are you Ms. Thompson?” CJ gave a small nod, unable to find her own voice. “If you are ready, we can head on back.” She willed herself out of her seat and followed the nurse into the hallway. Her head was spinning as she wondered how she had ended up here. It’s a quick procedure, it’ll be over soon.   

The nurse took CJ’s vitals and weight before bringing her to an exam room. She beckoned her to take a seat on the exam chair as she looked at the paperwork CJ had filled out.

“I see you’ve opted for a surgical abortion.” CJ nodded to the nurse’s statement, still unable to speak. She cleared her throat and found it to be terribly dry. She began to have a coughing fit. The nurse quickly set her clipboard down and opened a cabinet, pulling out a bottle of water for CJ. The nurse gave CJ a look of sympathy as she quickly drank down some of the water. When she came up for air, she was finally able to speak.

“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous.”

“It’s natural to be nervous, sweetheart. I’ll do my best to make you as comfortable as possible.” CJ nodded, her anxiety lowering with the woman’s kind words. Once CJ had taken another sip of water and appeared somewhat visibly calmer, the nurse continued.

“We are going to do an ultrasound first, just to make sure you have not had a miscarriage and that the pregnancy is correctly placed in your uterus. Afterwards, I’ll have you watch an informational video on the procedure before we get started. How does that sound?”

“Ok,” said CJ with a slight nod.

“I’ll leave you to change, unless you need help?” The nurse indicated towards her cast.

“I should be ok.” The nurse pulled a clean hospital gown out from a cupboard and handed it to her.

“I’ll be right back.” She exited the room, and it was suddenly very quiet. She slowly unfolded the hospital gown on her lap as she focused on calmly breathing in and out. It’ll all be over soon.

CJ could not change quickly enough, as she tried to wrestle her shirt over her head. After stripping down and throwing her clothing in a pile in the corner, she pulled the hospital gown on. She leaned back in the exam chair, focusing on the shape of the square ceiling tiles, trying to disassociate herself out of the office. A quick knock on the door brought her back to reality and the same nurse re-entered the room.

The ultrasound was similar to the one CJ had undergone in the hospital, except the screen was turned away from her. She lay back, closed her eyes, and focused on her breathing again.

“We are done, everything looks fine. Before we finish up would you like to see the screen or hear the heartbeat? You don’t have to; the choice is yours. We ask everyone before we finish up the ultrasound.” CJ opened her eyes and looked at the nurse. She knew she should say no. Just say no.

“Yes,” her voice sounded and felt disembodied. The nurse rotated the screen towards her. There was the baby, its head, torso, and legs clearly shown on the screen. The sound of the fetal heartbeat began to play in the room. The baby began to move its arm and small hand.

Something inside of her snapped in that moment. All efforts to keep herself calm were crumbling. The nurse turned the screen away and shut off the sound.

“Everything looks fine to go ahead with the procedure. If you want to wait a moment, I’ll be back.” The room had begun to spin as CJ heard the door click shut after the nurse. She felt herself begin to hyperventilate. I can’t do it.

CJ slid off the chair, steadying herself with one hand on the counter. She tore the hospital gown back off and quickly tried to pull her clothing back on, tripping over her own feet and violently trembling. She nearly forgot to grab her purse on the way out, pushing the door open. She made a beeline for the waiting room, ignoring the staff trying to speak to her. She threw all of her weight into the door, bursting back out into the parking lot. The cold winter air hit her body like a freight train, cooling her flushed skin, but making it more difficult to breathe. She quickly stumbled to her car, ripping the door open and getting inside. CJ placed her forehead against the steering wheel, sobs beginning to wrack her body. Underneath her panic, grief, and uncertainty, there was a feeling of deep and unconditional love that she had never experienced before.

-

May 2017

Gran Hotel Domine Bilbao / Bilbao, Spain

CJ stood in the beautiful expansive marble lobby of the Gran Hotel Domine. She was waiting to check she and Duff in. He and the others had remained in the SUV to wait for the check-in process to be completed. She was absorbed in her phone, when she felt a light tap on the shoulder. She turned to see Tate standing there with a smile.

“Oh hey,” she said, “Are you checking in too?”

“Yup, unfortunately us techs do all that ourselves,” he said with a smirk. “You ever been to Spain or first time?”

“First time.”

“You should come out tonight, some of the crew members are going to hit up a few bars and clubs. I bet you’d love it.” CJ felt uncertain. She hadn’t been to a bar in years. In college most of her partying had been done outside around a bonfire or in a dorm room. She tried to come up with a quick answer to leave her response open-ended so she could think more about it.

“I, um, will have to check with Duff, I don’t know if there’s anything he needs me to do tonight.”

“Well don’t let him work you too hard. Make yourself available at all hours and he’ll think your shift doesn’t end.” CJ didn’t know how to respond to Tate. Her job description technically did not have any time parameters and she was there to work for Duff, not party. Additionally, the compensation was insanely good, and for what she was making, she didn’t mind the lack of a time parameter.

“I’ll let you know,” said CJ, moving to the front of the line to speak to the hotel receptionist. She pulled out all the booking documents to check in to their rooms. As she was flipping through them, she saw the name ‘Michael Andrew McKagan’ listed for one of the rooms.  

“Who?” she said to herself under her breath.

“Miss, may I see your booking paperwork?” She looked up at the hotel receptionist and handed them over. Putting two and two together, CJ realized that Duff’s name was not actually Duff. She had had no idea.

The receptionist quickly checked them in and handed her two room keys, as well as a small pamphlet with information about the hotel. CJ glanced at it, seeing the gym listed under amenities. She was desperately in need of a good workout session.

CJ went back outside to the SUV, key cards in hand, and slid back inside to find Duff where she had left him not long ago. She playfully held back the key cards as Duff wordlessly reached for one of them.

“Uh uh, not yet, you gotta tell me, who the hell is Michael Andrew?” He appeared confused for a moment before breaking out in laughter.

“That’s me, I’m sorry, I never mentioned it. That’s my legal name.”

“You don’t look like a Michael to me,” she said with a smirk.

“I can’t remember the last time someone said my real name,” he said, “my mom didn’t even use my real name.”

 “Does this mean I can call you Michael now?” She jumped slightly when the chauffeur re-opened the car door behind her, waiting for them to get out and enter the hotel. Duff gently nudged her along in the direction of the door without answering her question.

“Go on,” he said playfully, “And give me my room key.”

-

There was a period of down time before dinner for a few hours. After making sure all of the bags made it where they were supposed to and Duff didn’t need her for anything, CJ went to her room, where she spent most of her time agonizing over whether or not she’d accept Tate’s invitation and go out that night. She was yet again faced with the fact that she had brought primarily business casual clothing. Additionally, she really should get a workout in. It would help keep her anxiety and nightmares at bay. She was distracted from her thoughts by her phone lighting up from where it sat on the bed. CJ was surprised to see a text from Axl that read: ‘Hey, just checking in, didn’t get much of a chance on the plane. How r u doing?’ She smiled and began to text back.

‘I’m great 😊 Everything is amazing, thank you again for this opportunity!’ And she meant it. Despite her anxious moments, things had been amazing. Her thoughts drifted back to Mindy confiding in her about Axl being the one to pay for her student loans. She wanted to thank him so badly, but she’d keep her mouth shut, like Mindy had asked.

‘I’m glad to hear it. I’ll see you at dinner tonight!’

-

CJ ultimately decided she’d stay in that night and hit the gym before dinner, throwing on a pair of leggings and a T-shirt. She found her way downstairs to the gym, which she was pleased to see was spacious and full of several different machines.

She began how she typically did when working out at home, by doing a quick warm up and stretching out on a yoga mat. She usually would work out four or five days per week, with a day in between each, exercising different muscle groups each day. Working 9:00 to 5:00 Mondays through Fridays at the office at home allowed her to have the same routine every week. With her new routine, things were a little more unpredictable and she’d have to fit in when she could. She figured she’d work on legs this time.

There was a power rack set up in the corner of the room with a rack of weight plates next to it. She adjusted the bar to the appropriate height for squats and racked it with 35 pounds on each side. She and Mindy would go to the gym together after work and be each other’s spotters so they could lift heavier. But since she was alone, she’d keep it on the lighter side. CJ put on her headphones and scrolled through her music, trying to decide on something. She usually listened to podcasts in the gym, but today she figured she’d put on some of Guns N’ Roses’ music. She searched for the perfect song for her mood. At the bottom of the screen were music suggestions. What caught her eye was a colorful album cover with the word ‘DUFF” across the top. She pressed on it, and it took her to iTunes to show her the full album. A brief glance over made her realize that it was a solo album by Duff. The year of release was listed as 1993. She did not know that he had done any solo work. She decided to listen to the first track ‘Believe in Me.’ Her boss’ voice carried over through the headphones and despite how long ago it had been made, it was easily identifiable as his voice. She listened for a moment, enjoying the song, before deciding to buy the album and continue listening as she began her workout. CJ set her phone on the bench and began squatting a set of ten, so focused on her muscle-mind connection that she did not hear the door across the room open.

“Hey, CJ.” She heard a voice call out from behind her, making her jump and lose her form. She felt the heavy barbel on her shoulders start to pull her backwards. For a split second, she thought she was going to fall and have her first gym accident before she could bail out from under the bar. She was surprised to feel the weight lifted as someone firmly grabbed the bar from behind her and steadied her back up on her feet. She quickly set the bar back up on the rack and pulled her headphones down. She turned to see Duff standing behind her.

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly, “I just didn’t expect to see you here.” She felt slightly irritated but didn’t let it show.

“I’ve been missing the gym,” she said, “Mindy and I usually go after work.”

“Well, that works then,” he said, “I usually go to the gym whenever I can on tour.” Their conversation was interrupted when her phone chimed and lit up with a notification. To her embarrassment, Duff looked over to see the album cover of ‘Believe in Me’ flash up on the screen. Her face reddened as he smiled in recognition.

“Hey, that’s my solo stuff.” She quickly snatched up her phone off the bench and tried to move on quickly, so it would relieve her embarrassment and he would not mention it again.

“What were you planning on doing?” she asked.

“A little bit of cardio and arms,” he tossed the towel he brought over his shoulder. “But if you need a workout partner….?” She felt her face redden at the invitation. If anything, it would be beneficial to have a spotter so she could do heavier squats.

“If you don’t mind, you could be my spotter for squats,” she said, “usually Mindy does it so I can try lifting heavier.” He nodded and set his things down on the bench. She quickly added more weight to the bar. As he stepped behind her at the rack, she felt her body stiffen and she was suddenly hyper aware of everything; the sweat on her face, how she was standing, the sound of her own breathing, the light hum of the florescent lights above her, the fresh scent of cleaning products, and most of all, the presence of Duff standing behind her.

CJ unracked the bar and took a step backwards, a step closer to him. She felt him lightly put his hands underneath the bar and she sunk down into her first squat. On her way back up she felt her ass lightly brush up against him, leading to a strong tingling sensation that cascaded down her body. She was almost certain she heard him let out a very quiet groan. It was difficult to keep her mind on her lifts, making her feel weaker. She only made it to five squats before needing to re-rack the bar and take a break, half breathless from his proximity, rather than the workout. She turned to him to see that he also appeared to be somewhat breathless and red in the face. Not wanting to seem like a quitter or weak she took a deep breath.

“Two and a half more sets to go,” she said, turning back around to face forward and lift the bar back up again.

-

After completing three sets, CJ finished her squats. Duff immediately excused himself. He burst into the men’s restroom and went to the sink, turning on the faucet. He cupped his hands under the running water and leaned down to quickly wet his face, trying to gain control over his thoughts and kill the stiffening in his pants. Control yourself. He hadn’t been this hot and bothered in a long time. Her squatting in front of him and brushing up against him every so often in those tight leggings that hugged every curve of her ass had been making him loose it. He needed to figure out a way to keep things professional. But that was difficult on tour with any personal assistant, male or female. People on tour became like family, there was never a need for over-professionalism, and he preferred it that way. He was never one to be a serious or strict boss. Even the stage technicians and staff that he wasn’t close with he at least knew by name. He just needed more time; he’d get over it in a week or two. Duff didn’t think he could be strict with her even if he tried. One look at her sweet face would have him melting like butter. You big fucking softie. He wanted to return to his hotel room, but he couldn’t. He hadn’t even done any of his own workout yet. He’d look like a weirdo if he left now. He straightened back up and made sure he wasn’t making a tent in his shorts before walking back out. He could see her doing deadlifts with some hand weights. Not a two-person workout. He made a beeline to the weight rack to grab some hand weights for his own solo workout, trying not to watch her bend down in those leggings.

-

CJ had put her headphones back on and powered through the rest of her work out, trying not to think about the energy between she and Duff earlier. Or at least the energy she had perceived, she reminded herself that it was probably all in her head. CJ finished her workout before Duff did, feeling pleasantly sore and worn out. She got herself a cup of water before sitting crisscross on the floor next to Duff, who was finishing up with a few stretches on a mat.

“Are you gonna stretch?” he asked, watching her sip on the water.

“No,” she said, “I don’t have the patience for that.” He let out a laugh and said,

“You don’t hurt afterwards, skipping stretching?”

“No.”

“When you get older, you’ll have to, or you won’t be able to walk the next day.”

“Ya? Do you use your leg ice packs after a workout?”

“No,” he said, “usually only after a show. Those are more of a workout then anything I could do in the gym.”

CJ finished her water and lay back on the padded floor, keeping her legs crossed. Her mind wandered, thinking about how she hadn’t texted Mindy to tell her they’d arrived in Spain. If she had to guess, Mindy and Axl were already communicating about it.

“So, did you listen to more of my music?” She sat back up, feeling a little embarrassed again about getting caught listening to his solo work.

“Maybe,” she said, trying to play it off with a smirk. “Do you not want me to?”

“No,” he said, “You might learn more about me that way.” CJ looked away thoughtfully, thinking of the titles and lyrics of some of the songs she had listened to earlier. “But it’s also not my best work.”

“What do you mean? I think it’s great,” she said, genuinely meaning it, but also not liking to hear anyone put themselves down.

“I wrote those songs and released that album during a bad time in my life,” he said, “So it wasn’t all coherent. Or at least I can tell when I listen to it.” She watched him with a slight frown, wondering what he meant. Based upon the stories Mindy used to talk about living in Hollywood, she guessed drugs, but she didn’t ask.

“Well, I think it sounds great,” she said, “And besides, sometimes art tells a story, right?” He met her gaze, his eyes softening at her remark.

“You’re too sweet for your own good kiddo,” he said, looking down at his watch. “Fuck, it’s 4:40, I was gonna clean up before dinner, but I don’t think I have time.”

“We can head up now if you want, I probably won’t have time to either.” After putting away the gym mat, they both headed out the door, walking slowly down the hallway towards the elevator.

“Have you done any other solo work?” asked CJ.

“I tried to in 1999,” he said, “But I lost the rights to it. It’s a bit of a long story. I have some other songs in the works. I’ve been thinking of doing another solo album, at some point. Maybe when we wrap this tour up, whenever that is.” The elevator door opened, and they stepped inside, riding it up to the ground floor where the restaurant was at.

“I think you should do it,” said CJ.

“One of these days I’ll show you some of what I have done,” he said.

They reached the restaurant and the hostess walked them to the backroom that had been booked for them. This would be smaller than the dinner they had in Dublin, with only band members, a few close staff, and family members. As they walked into the room CJ was happy to see Meegan there again, already seated with Slash. She turned to Duff and said,

“Will you save me a seat; I’ll be right back.” He nodded and she went off to find the bathroom.

-

On the way back from the bathroom CJ was surprised to see Tate, Vanessa, and a few other recognizable staff members on their way out of the restaurant.

“Hey CJ,” he said, stopping to talk, “have you ate yet?” 

“No, I’m about too. We’ve been at the gym.”

“We?”

“Ya, Duff and I,” she said, “We got in a workout before dinner.” She was distracted by Vanessa and another female staff member talking quietly behind Tate, their heads close to one another, shooting glances her way and giggling.

“Are you coming out with us tonight?” She re-focused on Tate.

“Not tonight,” she said, “I’m gonna stay in and rest.”

“Next time then,” he said, “Just remember what I said about all work and no play.” She nodded, suddenly uncomfortable with the girls’ giggling that was increasing in volume.

“Well, I better head back to our table, I’ll see you around,” she said. She shot a small smile in the direction of Vanessa and the other woman and then made herself scarce, quickly walking to the backroom. CJ was non-confrontational and had always had difficulty handling bullies. The women’s behaviors had taken her back to a time when she was in elementary and middle school, sitting under the rock-climbing wall on the playground, trying to avoid being the brunt of her classmates’ jokes.

CJ took a seat next to Duff, who must have noticed the discomfort on her face.

“You alright kiddo?”

“Ya, I’m good,” she lied, “Just ready to eat.”

“You know, if you ever want to stray off and not have dinner with us, you are welcome too. Don’t feel like you have to be here if you don’t want,” said Duff.

“Thanks,” she said, “But I do want too.”

“Well for future reference, once you get bored of us,” said Duff.

“I got invited to go out tonight, but I said no. I’d rather be here.”

“Invited out? By who?” His tone suddenly changed to what sounded like disbelief. His shift in demeanor amused her.

“You say it like you’re surprised someone would ask me to hang out,” she said.

“No,” he said, “I’m just curious who and to where.”

“What does it matter, didn’t you just tell me I could ‘stray off’ if I wanted.” He opened his mouth and shut it again, seeming unsure how to counteract her true statement.

“I just want to make sure you’re safe, so Mindy doesn’t taxidermize my balls,” he said. Slash burst into laughter and said,

“I thought she already did that.” Duff gave him a look.

“Trust me, I’ll be fine,” she said, “I don’t like to go out that much anyway, I’m pretty boring. I also don’t have any party clothes. I stupidly brought all business casual stuff.”

“Ooooo we’ll have to go shopping,” said Meegan excitedly, “I know some great places around here.”

“I need all the help I can get,” said CJ.

“Does tomorrow work, in the afternoon? Do you have anything planned for her tomorrow, Duff?” Meegan looked at Duff eagerly, who seemed slightly exasperated and flustered with the rapidness of the conversation, still stuck on the fact that someone had invited CJ out.

“Nothing planned,” he said, clearing his throat. “Go shopping if you want.” Meegan let out a sound of excitement.

“We’ll have so much fun!” CJ nodded, feeling grateful to spend some time with Meegan and hopefully get some clothing to help her blend in a bit with everyone else. As she turned back to look at her food menu, she could feel Duff’s gaze lingering on her.

-

Staying in was the right call. CJ was tired and in bed by 10:00. Before turning out the lights, she sat up in bed on the phone with Mindy.

“What are you and Michelle up to?”

“Getting ready to drive home, back to reality unfortunately,” said Mindy. “How was your day?”

“It was good,” said CJ, “A quick plane ride and then I went to the gym and had dinner with everyone.”

“How’s Duff? Treating you well?”

“He is,” said CJ, “We went to the gym, he’s into staying fit too.” Mindy just grunted in response.

“You know he is afraid of you,” said CJ with a laugh.

“He should be,” said Mindy.

“Nobody tells me anything around here, I can’t figure out why he’s afraid of you,” said CJ.

“He just learned not to fuck around is all.” CJ went to question her further but was cut off. “It’s fine, he’s grown with kids now, but Jesus Christ did he piss me off back in the day.”

“Well chill, cause you have nothing to worry about,” said CJ. Mindy grunted in response again and quickly changed the subject.

“So, when is the next show?”

“The day after tomorrow, and then we move on to Lisbon, Portugal.”

“You’ll have to send me the schedule for the European leg of the tour, maybe we’ll fly in and come see one.”

“That would be great!” she said, “I have been getting along with Slash’s girlfriend, Meegan. Tomorrow I’m going shopping with her, I realized I should’ve brought more rock concert appropriate clothing.”

“I remember Meegan,” said Mindy, “She and Slash started dating back in the 80’s, sometime before I left that scene. She was nice, I’m not sure what happened between them.”

“Well, she will be on tour with us for the majority of the time,” said CJ “She’s gonna help me pick out some clothes.”

“Send me some pictures of what you get,” said Mindy, “I’ll live vicariously through you.”

“I will,” she said with a laugh, “but I’m gonna head to bed now, I’ll text you tomorrow. Love you, tell Michelle I love her too.”

“I will,” said Mindy, “I love you too.” CJ hit the end button, the silence of the hotel room suddenly surrounded her. She turned to switch off the lamp and snuggled herself down underneath the thick covers. She opened the browser on her phone and paused, compelled to Google Duff, but also unsure if it would be a violation of privacy. Despite the facts of his life being public information, there was something that made her uncomfortable about it. What if she didn’t like what she found? Or it made her think differently of him? Ultimately, she decided to do an image search, trying to find a picture from the 1980’s and 1990’s. She didn’t have to look long, as several images popped up, a mix of old and new. One picture of a much younger Duff caught her attention. It was a full body photo of him in tight low cut black pants that were laced up loosely with what looked like shoelace, a studded belt, and a leather jacket with zebra print panels and a tattered-looking black shirt underneath. His bright blonde hair was longer and thickly piled on top of his head. He wore a chain with a gold lock on the end around his neck. He had on black leather gloves and held a cigarette in his right hand, a look of indifference on his face. The style was from a different era, a time gone by long ago, but to her, it looked kickass, especially on him. Despite his look of stoicism, he had a baby face. This was especially apparent as she scrolled to the next image; another picture of a young Duff smiling boyishly. He was as good looking now as he was then.

CJ scrolled to the third picture to see a present day-looking Duff standing with two gorgeous girls. They were both obviously his daughters, one was the blonde that she had seen on the video call earlier in the week. The other girl, his second daughter, was a striking brunette with pouty lips. CJ scrolled on to the next picture to see Duff standing arm in arm with an older blonde woman. Other than the hair color, she and the younger brunette in the other picture looked almost identical. All three of the women were breathtakingly beautiful. She realized the older woman was Duff’s ex-wife. A pit in her stomach had quicky formed and she scrolled away, slightly uncomfortable, feeling like she had invaded his privacy.

Trying to put the image out of her head, CJ exited out of all the apps she had open and checked her alarm clock to make sure it was set for 9:00 A.M. She set her phone on the nightstand and settled herself down into the bed, letting out a breath into the darkness.

[gritsandbrits]

Funny stuff i often think about in my rewrite of shrek the third

There's a character named Walter Crumpet who is a medieval version of Walter Cronkite, he's known as the most trusted man in far far away

Bruce and charming holding auditions for an execution as if it they're doing a performance

Shrek loses his fear of fatherhood but gains a new one: geese

"In a once in a lifetime move science and magic works together to take down religion!"

One of the contestants at the aforementioned audition is a rendition of lady gaga's bloody mary sung by the actual legend herself (no seriously she climbs out of a mirror to sing the chorus)

Sleeping Beauty dates the Sandman (no not that one, not THAT one either)

Gwynn's full name is Gwenhwyfar but she calls herself Gwynn due to a lot of women having the same name

Rhodanthe's only other friend is Ophelia of Hamlet fame; they met after Rho catches Ophelia floating around in her fishing pond

Rhodanthe working at the medieval equivalent to Claire's except its called Faire's.

John Delaney voices Lancelot - no wait that's actually canon lol

In this version Harold doesn't die but experiencing a frog life's crisis he also requested the song to play at his funeral much to Lillian's duress

Artie's sword comes in the form of a pen

The soundtrack includes everything from current hits to 80s rock to royalty free music to royalty music to video game OSTs.

One scrapped ending was Artie ultimately rejecting his claim in favor of becoming a writer. Get it? king AUTHOR

Handheld mirrors double as cellphones so there's psa on not being on your mirror while you ride your horse

Nimue is Merlin's ex wife and living her best life in the enchanted forest as a hippie

The scene where Gwynn is getting the Movie Makeover with the Evil Queen being her stylist and she asks which lipstick flavor Gwynn prefers, and Gwynn throws out randomly "lightning in a bottle" and the evil queen shows an actual lipstick shade

Doris knows the exact brand of Chapstick Charming uses much to everyone's disgust

The aforementioned lightning in a bottle shocks your lip to a glossy shade and you're not allowed to eat drink or kiss anything for 30 min

During the villain attack Walter Crumpet interviews one of them as it happens as calmly and plainly like a regular interview instead of villains busting up the place

Said interview ends with the villain making a shoutout to Gwynn Who sees the whole event back at the Poison apple, looking absolutely mortified

Charming's dad name isn't anything fancy or glorious like Brutimus or Bruciel. It's just Bruce. And charming treats it as the most metal thing ever

Broken mirrors often sound like static so you have to physically move the mirror like you would an antenna

Shrek immediately rejecting "Shrek Jr." As a name suggestion.

Rho gets asked if she ever tried out for Quadball (Quidditch)

The axe Charming got in his medieval meals turns out to be a chekovs gun

Gwynn's favorite Chapstick flavor is bubblegum

Artie has a secret stash of "Maidens" magazines obviously a play on Playboy

Gwynn attempts to teach Charming how to be a real king by replicating a sequence from Aardman's Next

Rho continually refers to Shrek as the Green Knight much to his insistence that he isn't

Fiona meets Igraine's ghost and admits that's the least weirdest thing she's ever seen

Godmother REALLY got around in her younger years

Just the fact Godmother isn't a witch she just appropriated some of their customs for her business, such as with capitalism

Merlin showing shrek and co. his entire Arsenal of magic Matrix-style complete with the iconic black suits

Artie's favorite band is the Bremen Town Musicians and yes they are farm animals

The Bremen Town Musicians also play along the opening theme of the story

Just the opening theme being another Joan Jett song (I Love Rock and Roll)

Far Far Away's waffle house being the only place tho stays open even during the occupation

Charming tries to intimidate shrek's friends like in the canon movie but he gets ficking roasted instead. It's so bad the other villains sneak in a laugh

Gwynn taking Charming out for a night in the town to show him real adult fun which results in a bar fight, drag carriage race, and egging mansions

Charming accidentally breaks the window of said mansion because he confused a small rock with an egg

Walter Crumpet storms out of mansion with a boomboom stick as gwynn and charming run off

Bruce is played by none other than Ash Williams himself. He even says groovy at some point.

Sir Cumference is the same species as Humpy Dumpty

Charming'd first rule as king is free cherry Chapstick

The princesses are a precure style sentai team complete with sparkly transformation sequences and cheesy attack phrases

Every time Charming and Artie shares the same scene someone mentions how much they look alike

The bad wolf after seeing red riding hood: "oh no not this bitch"

The single most important reason behind Rhodanthe's name: so that every time someone greets her they start singing the row row row your boat song

The villains argue whether to eat the three little pigs due to the moral implications of eating animals with clear human sapience and intelligence

Gwynn and Charming fight each other with swords in a subtle allegory for hate sex while the other villains cheer them on

The fight gets featured on Ye Olde Worlde Star (yes it exists in the shrek universe)

A scrapped subplot the ones where the triplets are born early, one of them (Felicia) gets left behind and Gwynn ends up taking care of her. She absolutely squees at the sight bc ogre or not that's still a baby and the cutest thing EVER

The message of the movie is "white men really do ruin everything"

Despite being one of the most powerful magicians ever Merlin can't figure out how it's possible for a donkey and a dragon to have kids

The villains having beef with a frog

Charming finds out Fiona may possibly be his cousin and leaves which is immediately followed by the sound of him vomiting in the trash can. Poor bastard

Bruce referring to himself as a manly badass hero

Friar's Bot having to drop the Fat part due to being deemed offensive

"Nine thousand channels and nothing to watch!" Bruce grumbled while flipping through the crystal ball

Frat Boy Snow White

Rho leading an army of swans against the villains like a WW2 aerial crusade

Cinderella sanitizing everything she uses and uses a leech as a vacuum cleaner

Every scene Bruce has a different woman on his shoulder absolute CHAD

Punch and Judy is a action figure called Punchin' Judy that Gwynn still owns it is a marionette with boxing gloves that can say dozens of different phrases

I kept the fight scene where Hook plays the piano the whole time cuz it's simply too good to leave out with the added bonus of EVERYONE singing

Famous celebs includes Katy Fairy, Sir Tom, Janet Jacksondottir, Pinke, and Zendaya. Yep her name still the same.

At the end where everything is over and charming and gwynn do their anguished love announcement and kiss and it's a cute scene but then they REALLY get into the kiss much to everyone's annoyance. Shrek forcefully breaks them apart.

The monster trees uses wood furniture

Charming having no real plan after takin the throne bc he didn't think he even get this far

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 11 Deflagration

(Spoilers below)

-So continuing from episode before with Scarabella and Kitty noir answering an interview explaning that the heroes needed to step down cause Monarch... okay.

-That reporter is right

-Oh damn Kitty noire can flirt. I still hate that lipstick look. The lighting looks so weird.

-Adrien seems down, I think he misses Plagg. But he also looks like he wants to call Marinette. Hard to say whats going on in his mind

-Tikki misses marinette. Alya thought she messed up with the interview

-But looks like Marinette can visit Tikki at least.

-"Did we miss an episode?" As someone that watches ML that is offensive. We get our episodes out of order dont complain ... lol

-So we actually get to look at Alya's room and girl has a LOT of manga and comics. Respect. BUT WHERE ARE THE PICS OF NINO?! hardly any. I only saw one in the group photo.

-Oh Alya, you missed more than you think

-Marinette checking to ensure alya knows the rules but, Alya assures her that this is not her issue anymore. She can focus on her.

-Meanwhile Plagg telling Zoe she is only lacking in the chees department

-"I live in a hotel with the biggest cheese cellar in paris"

-The moment plagg learned that True happiness CAN exist

-I have a feeling this episode is going to determine if I start Liking Zoe or not

-Catching Chloé in 4K

-Zoe caved quick...

-Plagg coming out with the diss track for Chloé's stank feet

-Plagg only had Zoe for one day and is ready to commit murder

-Plagg killed the dino's because they were sassing him. Amazing

-Plagg is baby

-And now .... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT?!

-Did they just... THAT HAD TO BE A HALLUCINATION! I SERIOUSLY SAW THAT. GABRIEL SUNG! AND POORLY MIGHT I ADD!

-Also he slid down the staircase and the song stopped when Nathalie is like "The fuck was that you tampon?!"

-Gabriel explained why he is so happy

-Nathalie going back to watching videos of her gay crush

-Roarr calls him out like a good boy

-Gabriel is pulling out all the stops with this power combo

-Oh look the resistance is back

-Can we appreciate that Nino had a great speech with epic music?

-Adrien just turns it off cause he wants to ask about ladybug

-Marinette worried about chat noir

-Adrien is like mentally 'Oh right, I made out with her as chat noir'

-Max and Markov made an alert app on the alliance or smartphone. Smart move

-Kitty section made warning music. Thats fun

-So they have anti-akuma measures. Gotta say, thats kind of cute

-I know he says paintball guns. But I was kind of hopping Alya, Nino, marinette and Adrien would get real guns and cap an akuma

-HE WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME?! Dude! He could have just ended it there! are you stupid MONARCH?!

-Okay I know its not 100% and he needs to confirm its them. But like. He could have just stunned them. Checked them for earrings and rings. Then left.

-Okay Adrien you f***ing dweeb. I love it. He got a little make shift table for two with a bowl of fruit and a rose. BOY GOES HARD. ITS SO CRINGE AND SWEET.

-With supportive friends. They are really middle school

-Adrien my boy, my sweet sunshine. Marinette my lovely little moon beam. WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE AND CRINGE!!!!

-Chloé doesnt know what Generous means, and her alliance doesnt understand . So she tells her sabrina... which tells her alliance. I fucking cant....

-And Chloé is going to do something that will get her akumatized isnt she

-Marinette is trying so hard

-Adrien doesnt get that this girl is trying to grab what she has wanted for 5 seasons

-And there we go, progress was made. Thanks to Chloé interestingly enough

-Adrien is not dealing with her crap, neither is anyone else. Good on them

-And there Zoe is. Because she has had enough of Chloé being mean to her Crush Friend (Look I still believe Zoe is into Marinette.)

-And I forgot monarch was there just watching everything.

-Sole Destroyer? Oh SHE gets to be Sole Crusher now.

-she makes them into shoes that sing!

-Side note, Sole destroyer lOOKS WAY more menacing than the previous one

-OH S*** HE GOT EM! Plagg and ZOE

-HE GOT TIKKI AND ALYA!!!

-Oh no....

-HE PREDICTED PLAGG WOULD TRY AND KILL HIM?!

-so thats what random tikki power looks like when just casting lucky charm

-what did plagg do!?!

-YO!!! PLAGG BROKE HIS MIRACULOUS! THATS F***ING CRAZY. Plagg may be a cat, but he is clearly the GOAT

-Plagg really just said (Screw the rules I am not playing) And knew the lucky charm would be the way of fixing it

-Things are getting created and destroyed like crazy! damn

-Marinette went right back to Ladybug mode

-Comrade mayo

-Wait... does the lucky charm have a time limit if Tikki made it?

-So the miraculous are the tether to the human world. Wait... then how were the kwami around traveling in space before they existed.

-Marinette showed up in her own designed version of it. And I will say it. Aside from the helmet. It slaps

-UGH Monarch bug.... the darker mask is cool and the red eyes... but the spots are such a NO!

-Yoo, that throw should have broke Marinette's back. IT CRACKED CONCRETE!

-NINO FOR THE SAVE

-THE PAINT BALLS! The resistance is actually useful

-WAIT... THEY CAPTURED SOLE DESTROYER?! HOW DID THEY EVEN?! You know what? Respect.

-He deakumatized her.

-COMRADE MAYO FOR THE COUP DE GRACE!!!

-STONE COLD! ADRIEN TAKES THE LADYBUG MIRACULOUS! WE STAN MAYO

-Ladybug fixed everything then before Monarch can be glad the cat ring was back. Marinette snatches the ring... but not the rest cause he had too many rings

-Welp, Monarch failed bad. Covered in paint and now on the back foot.

-Chloé is just there tied up

-So they get their miraculous back cause they realize Monarch doesnt know them so

-Plagg wants to say good bye to kitty noire first before returning to adrien

-Poor zoe, But glad Plagg told her to stand up for herself. Glad some positives were in that

-And some platonic ladynoir at the end

_____________________________________________________________

It was certainly something.

Though wow, Monarch got his ass beat by kids with no powers. Honestly that was funny

7/10

I do kind of wish we had more ladrien. But Everyone had a fun scene. Though minus 2 for that bleaching of the eyes that was monarch dancing

[shonpota]

The current final chapter update so far:

Basically:

1. Yakou asked Takami and Kasumi to lend some help whenever they are in starless. He also tell everyone to let him take care of the store because he needs to manage his remote job, confidential informations papers and management.

2. Ginsei took half finished koharu script and improvised it

3. Unei give hase room key and make Yakou comfortable in it. Yakou agreed.

4. Akira wants to play to Haseyama room too

5. Taiga admit that Yakou is hundred ways better than Haseyama (From 1st reward copy)

6. Some people are amused about how yakou is owner representative now.

7. Yakou remember MC compliment him making flower paper and it makes him sad during reha with Yoshino. (This is Yakou *4 card 1st copy)

8. Yakou was sad and worried because a customer order isn't yet confirmed by Unei, so he apologized to customer. Menou got dizzy due lack of rest. Then Ginsei came to them and rush them for performance time. (Yakou *5 card 2nd copy)

9. Team C Chapter 1: Mokuren gathered everyone in C and give briefing about Saki got kidnapped, and Qu wants him to support the store but no can do, Qu also wants to help with research as well. Also, rookies like Hari, Zakuro and Mokuren also couldn't do much for helping to seek clues more than Kasumi who is an expert.

10. Team K Chapter 1: Kei wrote notes from places where Gui can sense his master whereabouts and plan to go there.

11. Team W Chapter 1: Kokuyou do briefing and Akira wants to save Saki then date her once he found her. Akira also surprised when he heard Haseyama was shot.

12. Team P Chapter 1: Rindou asked Nekome and Sinju about staying in store for today because things are hectic. Nekome said he could help the Hall and kitchen. Menou said he is staying in store because Yakou asked him to.

Hdhajdja Yakou 😳 despite Menou bullied Yakou plenty back then, you still want him to be on your side???

13. Team B Chapter 1:

Kongo denied the fact he was beaten after Mizuki said Saki was kidnapped. Kongo said the sound of the gun make his mind go blank and feel not worthy to be bodyguard.

Heath said he isn't going to listen to Kei's order by searching by teams and wants to seek for her right away. Ran said he will use his weapons (maybe yakuza/spy squad for seeking information) .

14. Team W Chapter 2:

Kokuyou contact his thugs homies/buddies and received info there was a guy who stormed to the thugs' hideout and beat them all. Then they are aiming to go there.

15. Team C Chapter 2:

Qu found lipstick on floor that he bought together with Saki which is not produced anymore aside no prove of struggle in Starless.

Mokuren asked his team member to think how the villain thinks and works in order to figure things out.

16. Team K Chapter 2:

Yoshino thought that Saki was kidnapped for money, but Sotetsu said it is not like that. Yoshino got called by Yakou to help the hallway because it is in chaos so he came back to restaurant alone. Later on Sotetsu met Akira and Kokuyou's acquaintances and wants to talk with them.

17. Team P Chapter 2

Maica thinks the guys that he confronted on Main Street and the missing of Maica's connection that he sent to dig info means Saki is in dangerous situation and connected.

18. Yakou 3rd Copy story:

Ginsei, Yakou and Taiga arrived late. Menou said that he is waiting for Yakou then Yakou start talking about he got worried of Saki and everything, then Menou comfort him until Yakou regain his composure again. Menou also gently remind Yakou about his intercom and not to worry and just focus on the performance.

Yakou can and will make everyone being nice to him huh

19. Team B Chapter 2:

Lico overhead Ran asking his family to gather information about things. Then ask Ran nit to do dangerous things.

20. Team W Chapter 3

Taiga report a dummy video and Sin figured out an empty building and wants to go there. Sin made comment about descended angel to darkness will grow horn. I don't know anything about it but maybe evil Saki or Saki will be awake.

21. Main story Chapter 4:

Saki is taken to Old Starless and have experiment on her by using Black Star music while being asked by Gui Master

22. Main Story Chapter 5

Someone spread rumour about Yakou being owner and Sotetsu congratulate him for it, meanwhile Yakou doesn't know he become owner. Also it is hinted that Haseyama will be not with us for awhile.

Yakou is a brain empty kitten

23. Main Story Chapter 6:

Nekome found a corrupted image file in USB and gave it to Taiga. Taiga thought it was a prank because the images are tampered, but Nekome think it is a hint.

24. Main Story Chapter 7:

Findings:

P ➡️ Another organization is movin

B ➡️ Beating many people who chase black card

C ➡️ Deciding Saki isn't the main target of Gui master, it is Starless that is being watchee

W ➡️ Touring suspicious building and asking people that Gui master beat up

K ➡️ Going to old Starless thanks to Nekome lead. Kei also ordered everyone to keep on looking.

25. Team C Chapter 3:

Qu found Saki's book (Death's Love, C's performance) and a map was found there, there is a marked place there and Mokuren feels they are being played but decided to go that place, then telling Qu to go back for reha.

26. Team C Chapter 4

Mokuren asked Zakuro if he was being hated by someone, and Zakuro claimed that he have moral and integrity, then asked how come an amnesia guy like him can know if he is being hated.

Mokuren also mentioned about someone else is observing them and laughing.

Zakuro pointed out the other location (old starless) is tightly locked and it is impossible to peek there inside.

27. Team W Chapter 5: Takami found a picture of Kei in America and then Kokuyou decided to keep it and want to report the information to Starless.

28. Team B Chapter 5: Mizuki and Ran reported their findings about Black Card. Kongo said because there is Black Card and Saki relationship, that there are some people moving around.

Lico once again asked them to stop getting involved, and wanting to leave it to police and doesn't want things turn bad.

(As I open more chapters, I will tell more

Next chapter update: 9 December)

[cassieuncaged]

OC: Nyx Biography Part 1: Black Dragon Ties

Name: Rachel Rogers (legally redacted)/Nyx (codename)

Age: 33

Gender: Female

Affiliation: The Black Dragon (formerly), Special Forces

———————————————

Appearance

———————————————

Skin Color: Alabaster, fair

Hair Style: long, it hangs halfway down her back

Hair Color: naturally blonde but dyed it half black and half white.

Eye Color: aquamarine. Wears red, black, and purple contacts

Body Shape:

Has an athletic, slim build with broad shoulders

Height: 5’7

Clothing: goth core, wears either black jeans or leather pants, a matching leather jacket, fingerless gloves, fishnet and mesh shirt beneath a goth rock tshirt (Bauhaus, Joy Division, etc,), and Doc Martens. Also wears a studded mask that covers the bottom half of her face.

Misc.: has an eyebrow piercing, a septum piercing, as well several on either ear (lobe, tragus, industrial). Wears heavy makeup, Smokey eyeshadow and purple lipstick

———————————————

Powers and Abilities

———————————————

Nyx doesn’t posses any supernatural powers. However, she practice karate and judo since was a teenager as well as Krav Maga. She is agile, quick, and elusive as a ghost.

Her weapons include a Sig MPX K with a silencer as well as a throwing knife occasionally as well using her Ducati to literally run over her competition.

———————————————

Personality

———————————————

Likes

Playing video games

Moshing at metal concerts

Pepperoni pizza

Rodents and reptiles

Getting tattoos and piercings

Dislikes

Kano

Being bossed around

Her job as a hired gun

Big crowds

Personality Traits

Clever

Adaptable

Independent

Fear(s)

That everything in her life was meaningless and that she’s only a killing machine with no other prospects

Those she cares about dying because of her

———————————————

Backstory

———————————————

Born Rachel Rogers on June 6th 1990, Rogers was the first born to Jill and Michael. Her early years were filled comfort and stability fueled by loving parents.

However, Michael was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer shortly after the birth of their second child, Noah. The family spent a lot of times in and out of hospitals until Michael passed away.

Rachel was devastated and became averse to hospitals because of the experience. She was quiet as a child and spent most of her time playing old computer adventure games or reading about Greek mythology. Jill had to work multiple jobs to make ends meet and often left Rachel in charge. She became very protective of Noah and even defended him when he got bullied at school.

Because of this, she began practicing karate and judo and became very proficient in both. She received average grades in high school and enlisted in the military after she graduated from high school. This was in attempt to make money and help her mother with financial stability with government granted stipends.

It was then that she discovered how agile she was as well as naturally proficient with firearms. She moved to special ops. She was discharged from active duty after three years and struggled to readjust to the world around her.

Rachel began running with underground crime syndicates as a hired gun. However, her job put her family’s lives at risk. After meeting Kano in Los Angeles, he offers her a blank slate under the condition she works for him, no questions asked.

Desperate to start over, she accepts the offer of tabula rasa and begins to work with the Black Dragon clan under the moniker Nyx.

template

[whispering-about-the-tmnt]

100-word drabble: Shopping List

Let's see… I need to pick up mustard, jelly beans, aluminum foil, toilet paper… no, wait, we have some in the linen closet. Okay, cross that out. Magic markers, cheese dip, coffee creamer, sugar, Easter egg dye. I'm pretty sure Casey will let me use his grease gun, but I still need peanut butter, duct tape, toothpaste, hairspray, and lipstick... and April said I could borrow her video camera. Okay, I guess that's everything. Donnie got me last year, Raph got me the year before that, and Mikey gets me every year… but this April 1st, their shells are mine.

More drabbles on my AO3!

[angst-after-dark]

All The Buried Truths

Summary:

Characters:

Prince Wick and the Whipping Boy

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, NONCON/DUBCON, BURNS, DEHUMANIZATION, CONDITIONED WHUMPEE, INTIMATE WHUMPER, LADY WHUMP

“I expect more from you than this, Leigh.” He took another long drag from his cigar and blew the smoke into her face. “I don't ask that you anticipate my needs. That’s not your job. I have Oslo or Savanna for that. All I ask is that you anticipate Christopher’s needs and actions.”

Stargazing

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, LADY WHUMP, SETTING THE STAGE, SLIGHT DUBCON IF YOU SQUINT AND TWIRL AROUND THREE TIMES, CONDITIONED WHUMPEE, MENTIONS OF RACISM AND ABLELISM, GUN

She nodded. They rivaled the sea, seemingly endless, spreading far beyond the horizon, gently twinkling one at time as if to say hello.

Just Trying to be Friendly

CW: LADY WHUMP, CHOKING, RELIGION, MANHANDLING, CONDITIONED WHUMPEE, RESTRAINED, BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING

Air, blessed air. She sucked it in greedily, clearing the blackness from her eyes and the ringing from her ears. She'd been drowning once again, but not any more. They had seen sense, let her breathe, let her live…

Pray For Us Sinners

CW: LADY WHUMP, BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, BROKEN BONES, DEATH THREATS, DEHUMANIZATION, RECORDED TORTURE, RANSOM VIDEO

“Smile for the camera!” Shorty chirped. 

Rule 1: Desire to Live

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, RESCUE, GUN VIOLENCE, LADY WHUMP, PASSING OUT, CONDITIONED WHUMPEE, MENTIONS OF TORTURE AND DEATH (NOT MAIN CHARACTERS)

I am already dead. I don't want to die. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to die.

A Bomb Would Be Safer

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, REFERENCED TRAFFICKING, REFERENCED SLAVERY, REFERENCED AND IMPLIED NONCON, FAMILIAL CONFLICT, ABLELISM (IF YOU SQUINT), LADY WHUMP

"Mama, Papa," he announced quietly, "I'm moving to New York."

Cool Title Here

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, NUDITY, IMPLIED NONCON (PAST AND PRESENT), DEHUMANIZATION, INSTITUTIONALIZED DEHUMANIZATION, NONCON TOUCHING, LADY WHUMP, PTSD

“Whatever happens, don't, don't, don't leave my side.”

Deal With Devils - written by @wildfae-afterdark

"Deal," Peyton agrees mildly. "If you ruin that lipstick on my cock, too."

Fuck You Mx.

CW: AFTERMATH OF NONCON, VICTIM BLAMING, BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, REFERENCED NONCON, ABLELISM, WICK IS A DUMBASS HERE AND A JERK

She walked, heels clicking, staccato tapping on the pavement, and didn't look back.

He's Not My Owner

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, ABUSE DYNAMICS, SURVIVORS NAVIGATING RECOVERY, GROUP THERAPY SETTING, CONDITIONED WHUMPEES, DEGRADING LANGUAGE

“I… I’m not sure if I really belong here,” she finally admitted. “I mean, I don’t….I'm just… me. I wasn't a…wasn't from WRU. I'm not a pet.”

Safety

CW: BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, PAST REFERENCED NONCON, VICTIM BLAMING, RECOVERY WHUMP, REFERENCED BURNS, PAST REFERENCED NUDITY, COMPLICATED FEELINGS ABOUT AN ABUSER

“Why can’t you….why can’t you feel safe with, with, with me?” He sounded like a child who’d just lost his favorite toy. “I can, can change. I can do, do, do better. I promise.”

I Don't Have Those

CW: LADY WHUMP, PTSD, PANIC ATTACK, BBU/BBU-ADJACENT SETTING, RECOVERY WHUMP

She shakes her head and clutches her stomach. It aches and the nausea doesn't abate. It only seems to get worse, eclipsing the throbbing pain in her wrapped - when had Charity done that?- foot. That's secondary to everything else. "I don't ge-et those."

Kestrel Discovers Asexuality

CW: IMPLIED PAST NONCON, NUDITY, SURVIVORS NAVIGATING CONSENT, INTERNALIZED ACEPHOBIA

"No. Um….Red." She pushed them away, wiping a hand across her mouth as she stared them down. "Red, please. S-sorry. Sorry, Dami. I'm sorry."

Taglist/General Writing Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy @oddsconvert @siren-of-agony @gottawhump @winedark-whump

[aarcanechaoss]

Hey😁

Can you do a fic where Higuchi gets a solo mission and the mafia doesn't think she could do it but she proves them wrong and she gets the mission finished in less time.

Hello 😊 I can indeed. I love this idea!

Back at it again with Mori trusting Higuchi

Mori trusted her.

Elise trusted her.

Her family trusted her.

She trusted herself.

Why…. Why couldn’t anyone else? Why wouldn’t her coworkers believe in her.

Granted the executives she understood, they were worried but that was only because they’d never actually seen her work on her own before… it had always been with a team, always overshadowed by Akutagawa and the Black Lizard squad leaders… it was never just Ichiyo Higuchi.

This meeting was a disaster- from Akutagawa practically throwing her to the dirt to the Black Lizard insulting her to Koyo looking at her wearily… Chuuya honestly he didn’t look like he cared about her going just worried like any good person would be.

She wouldn’t really be alone she knew this, someone would be in her ear, watching through a camera they’d made into a contact as she wandered through the nightclub.

Ichiyo could hear their insults as she stepped into the bass filled club. All she had to do was assassinate the leader and co of a small time gang, one that had barely got their hands dirty. It was a simple job and really she didn’t understand why only Elise and Mori trusted her with this because from what she had read the worst they’d done was rob a few banks and attempt to imitate the Port Mafia. A weak group with nothing to stand on.

She thought as she swayed to the music, making eye contact with all necessary parties, tempting them to come her way, she thought about how everyone in the mafia had their own quirks.

Some had abilities that they relied on, some relied on weapons such as guns and knives and others liked to be more explosive but many overlooked the simplicity of poison and why many believe it is the woman’s weapon. She may use guns the most and she may have something buried deep within her veins but the slightest bit of sharpness and a strong dose of the most lethal substance she was done.

Anyone she’d danced with that night felt the bite of those silver rings placed delicately on her pretty little hands. Anyone she kissed felt the strange tingling of her lips. And anyone she didn’t like as the night drew to a close felt the sting of the small blade she’d hidden on her thigh.

The mission was over before it even began, she’d taken special care to look into the gangsters that were there tonight, hopelessly drunk and wanting everything they couldn’t have. From a pretty dancer to someone, anyone they could get their hands on… and Higuchi had practically sunk claws into them all and enjoyed every minute of it.

They were all dead before the Sun even kissed the horizon.

Through the few hours she’d been at that nightclub, dressed to the nines in the most revealing dress she owned and heels much too high and hair delicately curled, with makeup she hardly ever wore.

~~*~~*~~*~~

Her heels clicked and clacked as she walked down the hallway, that revealing dress just a bit too short and lipstick still a bloody shade of red. She hadn’t bothered changing, heading straight from the nightclub to the meeting room at the Port Mafia base.

No one expected her to be back just a few hours after the mission was given, no one expected to be brought back to the meeting room so fast- it felt like whiplash as Ichiyo stepped into the room, still dressed up as she was.

“All accounted for.” She said simply, a wicked grin gracing her red stained lips. She passed the USB now containing the video evidence collected through her contact into the leaders white gloved hand. He grinned back at her, proud.

And as they watched the nights events playing out, Ichiyo responding to any questions and adding additional info, each member of the mafia sat in that room learnt a lesson, Ichiyo Higuchi was not weak.

After all this was why she joined the mafia at Mori’s request… she was the femme fatal no one ever saw coming.

[streets-of-vale]

SoV - the Runaway (1.5)

/== Table of Contents ==/

Not taking a chance, as soon as Jaune was out of sight, he activated his kit again. Swelling his chest to its maxim B-cup size, rounding his hips, and behind further, and slimming his thighs slightly. With a blink, his eyes swapped from pink to deep almost forest green, and his hair shimmer for a second going from pink and white to neon blue, streaked with red. With his body changed, he did his clothes, making them all black with white barbed wire designs, while also lower his heels from three-inch to two-inch heels.

Stopping next to a parked car, he fished out a small make-up kit, and used the side mirror to apply a blood-red shade of lipstick, that matched his long nails. Stashing the kit back in his pocket, Jaune moved off, giving his rear end a hypnotic sway, keeping with the image of being a “working girl”. Jaune hated this act, but it had served him well in the past, and would probably save his life in the future as well.

“All the world is a stage.” Jaune muttered to himself, partially quoting a famous play, before adding his own to it. “And you’re a bit player who is going to get his ass wasted.”

Jaune walked another block before catching another bus. Unlike the last time when he hid, trying to be unnoticed, this time he did the opposite. He winked and wiggled, waved and kissed, putting on a show, of someone looking for attention from everyone around them. Internally, he was petrified that whoever was after him. Whoever had wasted Noir, would know about his body kit, so he forced himself to act as if he had nothing to hide. Even if that meant he got groped more than a few times.

“Oh, a big boy are we?” Jaune faux moaned out, before licking his lips and wiggling his ass in the lap of the gang banger that had yanked him off his feet. “Keep that up, and a girl might get the wrong impression.”

Jaune felt humiliated, but he couldn’t let it show. He had been in similar situations before, he knew the cards to play, and to be honest if he had to he’d play the T-girl hooker role, he’d do what needed to be done. Especially if it put bodies between him and being found. Fortunately, it didn’t progress that far. No, he was just passed around between the gang members, both men and women. Giving lap dances, and getting fondled.

He stayed on the bus for almost forty-five minutes before it reached the main depot, his chosen destination. Dropping the hip sway, he just made a straight line to the locker bank.  Pilling a slim chain up from between his tits, he moved through the aisles of rentable lockers, until he found his. Opening it up, he pulled out a black pack. Inside he knew was a change of clothes, and a couple grand in lien. It was his emergency stash.

Locking up the locker, he moved out of the storage area, and took a seat in a nearby CCT-Booth. Popping some lien into the slot, he paid the connection fee and dialed his boss’ contact number, making sure to keep the video disabled.

“You better have a fucking good reason to be calling me on this number.”

“It’s Jaune.”

“Where the fucking hell are you?”

“I’m on the street, lying low.”

“You really dog-fucked yourself, Jaune. What the fuck were you thinking, taking a side job? You ain’t no enforcer, or hired gun. You’re a courier!”

“How? Who?”

“That don't matter. Get your ass back to the club. And I mean now!”

“I… I’ll be there in an hour or so.” 

“Where are you?”

“I’m around.”

“Don't play with me, Jaune. Don’t even thinking of fucking playing with me. Where are you?”

“I’m on my way.” Jaune disconnected the call before Junior could say anything else. Jaune sat there for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts.

“Of course he would find out you fucking ass…” Jaune cursed at himself as he climbed out of the booth, “He’s an info broker, and you shit the bed big time.”

[lesboseraph]

what i like the most about goncharov (1973) is that goncharov and katya can be read as a gay man and a lesbian, respectively. additionally, both their arcs remind me of quentin tarantino explaining top gun in that one video (you know the one)

both goncharov and katya are pressured to keep up the heterosexual façade as a badass mafia boss and his cutthroat wife. however, andrey and sofia both represent the temptation to follow their true desires.

throughout the course of the film, andrey is the main distraction for goncharov. he is consistently in the way of goncharov's empire-building. as the film progresses, andrey and goncharov are together in more scenes that goncharov and katya. andrey gets in the way of goncharov and katya's marriage, and after the betrayal, they both realise they don't love each other romantically. the intimacy that is meant to be shared between goncharov and katya is instead replaced by goncharov and andrey.

as for katya and sofia, ive got to give props to scorsese for doing his research on lesbian symbolism. this is exemplified by the constant use of various shades of purple in all the scenes with katya and sofia. sofia literally makes her first appearance in a lilac dress. she also wears amethyst jewellery throughout the course of the film. she even alludes to katya and goncharov being in a lavender marriage. the scene where katya leaves sofia at the casino to meet goncharov and tells sofia she can finish her drink, and the camera pans to the slightly overlapping lipstick marks on the glass. the scene when katya lights sofia's cigarette for her. they're lesbians your honor.

so basically, katya and goncharov mirror each other as they come to terms with their own suppressed homosexual feelings, influenced by sofia and andrey. this also pulls goncharov and katya apart, and unfortunately results in goncharov's empire falling apart and his subsequent death.