#listen I used to be like this but this mindset is very middle school

[stuckinapril]

Bestie, what do I do if I'm half in love with my manager who is both very straight and just got engaged?

i was gonna make a joke but I think I’ll be genuine for this one — I think you should realize it’s energetically unfavorable to obsess/ruminate over someone who’s not spending nearly half as much time or energy over you. and their sexuality aside, if they’re already engaged then they’re very much concerned w somebody else… it should turn u off to be into someone who’s not into u back, not make u chase them even more. It should be a turnoff if someone isn’t into u like that, period, regardless of what context there is. It should be the most revolting thing in the world. like u should find it so incredibly repulsive

[adragonsfriend]

Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!

That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,

It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.

Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.

Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?

"So it's not actually that bad then?"

"You should tell her again."

"Are you sure you explained it right?"

The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!

With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.

And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.

Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.

There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.

The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.

Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.

Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.

And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.

Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal

[writer-ishh]

My Dungeon Meshi Modern AU Thoughts Instead of Writing My Economics Research Paper lmao

Ughhhh,,,, okay have been thinking about them all day and if one person manages to make it through the void and hear me out and talk about them with me then I’ll be happy lol.

WARNING: this is stupidly long, like I spent an absurd time writing every single little detail down. With that being said here we go:

cw//mentions and minor graphic descriptions of death, bullying, discrimination, injury, abuse, trauma, mental health issues, and abandonment

• Laios

- currently 26 and living with his sister Falin

- studying zoology part-time at the local college

- mostly does night classes since he works 1-2 jobs during the day to help pay for his and Falin’s tuition and apartment

- he and Fallin took their dog Muimui when they moved out, they also feed the local stray cats

- lived on a farm with his sister and parents when he was a kid, and is where his love of animals comes from

- however did not have the best of childhoods, as he was a frequent target for bullying due to having undiagnosed autism, and his father was very much a “nothing is wrong with you, toughen up the world isn’t going to coddle you” kind of person

- this was further cemented when he cried going hunting with his dad for the first time and refused to eat any of the deer or rabbit they had caught

- his mom had her own mental health problems that she was never diagnosed for, so often she fell into the same mindset as her husband when it came to Laios’ and Fallin’s behaviour, only she was more erratic due to her fear of one or both of her kids becoming like her

- never forgave his father after he sent Fallin off to a private middle/high school far away from their home, little did he know it was because the severe bullying Fallin was receiving was too much for her, and he wanted to send her away before she got hurt or worse

- nearly tried to run away at 16, however was caught by the police almost immediately and returned home

- completed his high school diploma and took off with Muimui without even saying goodbye to his parents, Fallin nearly joined him in the city but since she was still under guardianship of her parents, she couldn’t leave until she became an adult

- once graduated, she reunited with Laios in his apartment where they now live

- works nearly full-time at Senshi’s restaurant and works part-time as a janitor at their local zoo (he wants to be close to the animals lol)

- very busy but he makes it work, Marcille and Kabru have no idea how he does it without any meds or caffeine

- either has a worn out picture of him and Falin with their old dogs, or has a hand-made drawing of his theoretical strongest monster in his pocket that he looks at whenever he needs inspiration

- both him and Falin live wayyy out of the city center since rent is fucking abysmal downtown

- insists on taking the bus or walking everywhere since taxis and buying a bike costs too much, even if the commute is like 2 hours with 3 transfers

- despite this, he still has a drivers license

- the kind of guy you would expect to be eating leafy green tofu bowls from your local hipster vegan bistro, but is actually the kind of guy who eats the dubious $4 ground beef chubs and off-brand deli ham from walmart

- socks and slides with free college club t-shirts and cargo pants from the gap that come with like 50 pockets so he can carry all his stuff (the stuff mostly being dog treats and loose bird feed) bro has no drip aside from one outfit put together by Marcille

- uses the same highlighter blue and yellow adidas backpack he’s had since middle school, carries literally everything in there

- doesn’t listen to music, but if he does it’s rain/nature sounds with the $2 headphones you get from the dollarstore

- not much of a gym freak and usually just goes casually, prefers sports to working out (will have a protein shake but does not invest in creatine or other pre-workout supplements)

- either uses the same recyclable water bottle with the label torn off from a pack of 50 he got 3 years ago, or just uses one of his protein shake bottles I can’t decide

- hangs out with Marcille and Falin the most often (since Marcille constantly makes excuses to study with Falin at their apartment), sometimes gets smoothies or juice with Kabru if they run into each other

- hangs out with Senshi and Chilchuck less often, their time spent together is usually limited to having a beer after closing the restaurant or meeting together with everyone else to have dinner every couple months

- goal is to become a wildlife biologist when he graduates

- more to add if I think of it

• Fallin

- currently 23 and lives with Laios

- in her second year of studying veterinary medicine at their city’s main university

- grew up with Laios and her parents on their farm, also developed a deep love and appreciation for animals early on, but while Laios was more interested in the study of their behaviour, she was more interested in healing them

- also has undiagnosed autism like her brother, only when it came to her behaviours, she stood out a lot more and was subsequently bullied heavily for stimming, having major sensitivities to light and sound, self-isolating, talking to inanimate objects or “ghosts”, having a special interest in things like bugs or plants, and having a very specific schedule that adults had to help her with

- never really understood why adults or other children treated her differently, as she thought it was normal for everyone, however was still affected by having no friends aside from her brother during her younger years

- the bullying got so bad that kids began physically tormenting her, and since she never told Laios (who was in middle school and couldn’t always be with her), there was essentially no one to defend her

- very sadly culminates in an incident where she was intentionally locked in a graveyard overnight, and although she didn’t sustain any injuries she was fairly traumatized by the event, it was the final straw for her father to send her away to a private school at 12 years old to finish her education

- moved to a different city the next year where she stayed in dormitories, had her own room due to enrolling late

- also initially had a hard time making friends, and often cried since she couldn’t be with Laios, however no one bullied her for her autism and most often ignored her or gossiped

- had Marcille as a “buddy” to help her get acclimated to school life, however their relationship was quite awkward initially as Marcille thought she was unnerving and frankly a little stupid, however was completely shocked at Fallin’s nearly perfect grades

- school policy at that time stipulated that students had to return to the main hall for dinner at a certain time, however when Fallin doesn’t show up, Marcille has to look for her

- she finds Fallin at her secret hangout spot, similar to her dungeon in the anime, a corner with a group of trees and thick bushes that opened up into a grassy nook and a little pond, there they talk about what she does there and why she skips

- also similar to the anime, a fox (rather than a slime) catches them by surprise, but as Marcille tries to get it to run away by throwing rocks at it, Fallin stops her and explains it never comes closer than the tree line, she then points out that hurting while it’s already injured (has a slight limp) will cause it to die, allowing for the prey animals like squirrels and rabbits to eat away at most of the fauna surrounding the school, basically emphasizing the importance of all animals in an ecosystem and how it’s wrong to try and shift the ecosystem solely for our comfort or benefit (cheesy I know but it’s for the plot)

- she then offers Marcille the raspberries that grow on some of the bushes, and soon after Marcille asks if she would like to be friends

- they remain as friends in school only for another year, as Marcille graduates early and leaves Fallin behind much to her heartbreak, however does promise that she’ll visit and reunite with her soon

- by the time she graduates, she moves in with Laios and begins attending the same university as Marcille, there their friendship is reaffirmed, and they both start to develop feelings for one another

- full-time student but does work a few shifts at one of her university’s coffee shops whenever she can (tends to feel guilty about Laios helping her out with tuition on top of taking care of everything at home)

- in the honours program, and although she gets good grades her commitment is often questioned due to her habit of skipping

- reason for skipping is because she often does volunteer work at a nearby veterinary clinic

- unlike Laios, Fallin likes to bike to and from her classes

- it’s her main source of exercise, though she also does go to the gym if she has time, girl is absolutely built and is much stronger than she appears

- lives off of daily sweet treats and fried bologna sandwiches or tomato soup made by Laios

- frequently raids the raspberry bush growing outside hers and Laios’ apartment building, as well as the crabapple tree that technically belongs to the house next door but has its branches growing over the fence separating them

- also does not rely on excessive caffeine, but she does enjoy tea and coffee unlike Laios

- has a fjällräven backpack that Marcille gifted her for her birthday, mostly full of her textbooks but she does use it to carry rocks or sticks she finds interesting

- water bottle is a very dented bright pink hydro flask (also gifted to her by Marcille)

- has the jean shorts, tucked in t-shirt, and long cardigan look on lockdown, also wears hiking boots or converse, rarely is she seen in flipflops

- no make-up either, Marcille had to practically beg her to at least start using a clear lipgloss

- isn’t picky about music and usually just listens to whatever Marcille or Laios plays, sometimes she indulges in some lofi hiphop beats if she’s studying

- obviously best friends with Marcille but does not know she has a crush on Marcille, and thinks that her intense feelings of love and happiness are just normal girl friendship feelings (oh you poor thing)

- only vaguely knows of Senshi through the leftover food Laios sometimes brings home after his shifts, with Chilchuck she is more familiar since she sometimes visits him with Marcille on the weekends

- favourite thing is when her, Laios, Marcille, Izutsumi, Chilchuck, and Senshi all gather to get dinner together

- when it comes to her parents, she still maintains contact unlike Laios, though her messages tend to be generalized or cordial (not necessarily her intention it’s just she isn’t sure what to talk about in regards to her life beyond school)

- goal is to become a travelling wildlife vet

- more to add when I think of it

• Marcille

- is currently 26 and lives by herself (due to it being a modern au I’m imagining all races have the same lifespan of around 70-80 years)

- had probably the most normal upbringing and early adulthood out of all of the characters, both of her parents were very loving and attentive, always encouraging her and supporting her keen intellect through her hobbies

- however, they weren’t always around due to being very busy as government lawyers and often working late, she has very distinct memories of winning math and science awards as a child, looking out towards the crowd only to see her parents weren’t there

- was generally quite lonely during her childhood since she had no siblings or cousins to play with, a similar situation at school where most kids considered her stuck up or bossy when in reality she was just smart and was blunt about telling people when they were wrong about something

- is very close with Chilchuck, having known him and his family since she was little, although them all getting together was fairly rare, some of her fondest memories have been when they’d go on family trips together and she would get to play with Chilchuck’s daughters

- lost touch with him from ages 9-15 but reunited with him at 16 while he crashed at their place after his work injury and during his divorce, became very close with him during this time and developed a deep familial fondness for him despite all his teasing

- at 19 years old, she suffered a great deal of mental anguish as Chilchuck began to lose contact with her, Fallin was considering moving to a different city for university, and her father died due to a very sudden and unexpected stroke, she felt as though everyone in her life was slipping through her grasp and as a result, developed severe depression that would last until she completed her masters

- luckily, she had a good support system during that time and she was able to make it through the worst of it, however she still does struggle with motivation over simple tasks such as doing her hair or brushing her teeth

- her mood and outlook is much better though, having mostly returned to the same bubbly and dramatic personality that she once had

- is best friends with Fallin, and met her while at private school, mostly explained above, but her initial reaction of Fallin was quite negative before switching around after she realized that her way of thinking isn’t always the right one, even if the facts are right, her perspective and way of interpreting them isn’t always going to be sound

- this new perspective is what caused Marcille to become so enamoured with Fallin, eventually becoming a stupid crush that sticks with her to this day

- has her own studio apartment downtown, brand new building and everything (both parents are government lawyers so you can imagine the kind of money she has lmao)

- has a fawn floppy-eared bunny named Ambrosia

- despite her wealth, she doesn’t look down on her friends whatsoever, if anything she buys them expensive gifts as an act of kindness rather than an act of arrogance or condescension

- in the middle of attaining her phd in microbiology while doing independent research specializing in the study of telomere function

- attends the same university as Fallin

- graduated from high school at 16 and was done with her undergraduate by 19 and her masters by 21, a lot of people tend to think she’s full of herself but she often disregards them as people who don’t try hard enough

- born to carry her baby blue apple ecosystem in a cute tote bag, forced to haul her 7 biology textbooks in an ugly ass dark purple swissgear backpack she picked out when she was 12

- she has an unhealthy addiction to coffee and diet coke, literally cannot function without at least one per day

- cannot cook to save her life, lives exclusively off of pre-made grocery store meals or the sandwiches her university’s grab-n-go store sells, the kitchen aid mixer in her kitchen is practically a decoration at this point

- is actually the kind of person to be eating the leafy green tofu bowl from the local hipster vegan bistro

- has her own car and license, but lives close enough to her university to walk, Laios cannot fathom why she pays insurance every month for it but hardly uses or let anyone else use it

- I personally think she likes to rollerblade too

- jogging is her main form of exercise, but will also do yoga or calisthenics occasionally, probably the type of person to fall for a juice cleanse scam until Laios or Chilchuck scolds her for not eating enough

- I feel like she would be an intense swiftie (sorry :3) other than that, she likes the typical pop radio stuff that is played constantly

- at least she’s not a Stanley cup girl, she will use her scuffed gallon water bottle with the printed times of day until she dies

- very fashionable and loves to wear makeup, like wide leg pants or pleated skirts with penny loafers and cutesy blouses, a firm believer that any Korean makeup brand is far superior than anything Sephora could offer

- practically attached to the hip with Fallin, girl will find any excuse to study with her (the most pathetic sapphic ever someone put her out of her misery)

- otherwise, she’s buddy-buddy with Laios and Kabru but that’s about the extent of it, she’s known Chilchuck since she was little so he’s like an uncle to her

- she is quite friendly with Senshi and enjoys his cooking but hasn’t known him for a long time like the others, Izutsumi she treats like a little sister/niece and is always buying her things

- more to add when I think of it

• Chilchuck (you can tell he’s my fav because he has one of longest backstories lmao)

- currently 49 and living with Senshi and Izutsumi

- owns a two bedroom bungalow outside of downtown but still within the city, saved up for it after his divorce

- used to live in the suburbs with his ex-wife and daughters, but before that it was a shitty apartment close to where Laios lives now

- teen father, had Mayjack when he and his wife were 17 and had to graduate early so they could move out, they had Fullertom soon after and then Puckpatty by the time they were both 20, they got married at 22

- since neither could afford university at the time, Chilchuck went straight into a locksmithing trades program so he could have a decent income, his father had instilled a deep sense of responsibility and honour towards being a provider so he threw himself into his work which caused his and his wife’s initial frustration with one another

- when he was done apprenticing and when the kids were old enough to go to school, his wife went to university to begin studying teaching so she could become a professor, despite having to be home more often, Chilchuck still remained somewhat emotionally detached from his family

- by the time his daughters entered middle school, they had bought a house in the suburbs and his wife became qualified to teach

- feeling pressured by the mortgage, debt, and having to save for his daughter’s college, he began drinking more and taking a lot more hours at work, if he wasn’t working he was at the bar with his coworkers, he often didn’t come home until it was very late

- the final straw for his wife was when he showed up to work severely hungover and exhausted, then proceeded to nearly die in a home renovation project (passed out standing up and fell of a 20ft scaffolding, broke his hip and pelvis pretty badly as well as his humerus and quite a few of his ribs, also had a life-threatening brain bleed due to a skull fracture)

- at that point, all three of his daughters were already in university or trade school so his wife moved out and sold their house while Chilchuck was recovering in the hospital, she moved into a townhouse closer to the city’s main university where she still lives now with Fullertom

- having basically nothing in his savings, he crashed at Marcille’s parent’s place until he could save up a bit and get an apartment or townhouse (he and Marcille’s dad were friends in high school), essentially lived on their couch for about two years

- during this time, he became known as “Uncle Chil” by 16 year old Marcille and he developed a close uncle/niece relationship with her

- teased her as much as any uncle would, but also took her out shopping every couple of months, could never afford the stuff she wanted but he always got her lunch

- eventually, he saved up enough for the down payment of the two bedroom bungalow he lives in now and moved in, initially lost touch with Marcille but started being there for her more after her dad died, even began getting in touch with his daughters again at Marcille’s suggestion

- from then on, he took his work life more easily and tried to make time for himself in between shifts so that he didn’t feel he needs to drink himself stupid every time he came home, tried to pick up multiple hobbies and eventually settled on pottery making and brewing his own alcohol (that he sells…. mostly lol)

- meets Senshi at 42 when he is called in to install the locks and security system of the new restaurant Senshi is building, initially they had not been super friendly with each other, as Chilchuck found it infuriating how Senshi kept on wanting changes to be made to his security system, and how he was basically a walking construction accident waiting to happen

- once everything was finished however, Senshi offered Chilchuck a free dinner at his place as an apology for being stubborn, and unable to say no to free food (and alcohol) Chilchuck agrees

- they become friends after the dinner, however proceed to dance around each other for another 4 years until Marcille threatens to tell Senshi about Chilchuck’s feelings if he doesn’t confess himself

- Chilchuck does eventually confess (during a very charged “guy’s trip” to a resort in Mexico) and they start dating, after the trip, Senshi and Izutsumi move into Chilchuck’s place where they still currently live

- thanks to living with Senshi, Chilchuck adopts a more healthy lifestyle where he stops smoking, eats more, and drinks less, in return, he helps Senshi manage Izutsumi during her teen years as well as help out around his restaurant when he has time

- is generally living comfortably now, with a nice salary and more free time to commit to his hobbies, despite this he still deeply cares about his work and is a union man at heart who is always willing to rally behind his coworkers and organize when something happens

- mostly listens to 80s dad rock and some 90s grunge, is very proud of his CD collection

- dresses similar to Laios, however ditches the college club t-shirt and cargo shorts for polos shirts and chino shorts or dress shirts and casual slacks, also wears tacky boomer sandals for his feet or his construction boots

- drives a land rover defender that he bought in high school, cares for it deeply but isn’t a car guy by any means, he does the bare minimum maintenance to keep it safe and functional

- carries his minimal stuff in a sling bag and lunch cooler, but he also has a survival backpack in the back of his land rover for emergencies

- is a Stanley cup owner, has two, one from the 70s that his dad gave to him, and another white modern one from Marcille, his older one is covered in princess stickers from when his daughters were young

- pretentious black coffee drinker, makes fun of Izutsumi all the time for the amount of simple syrup and cream she puts into her iced coffee

- is okay at cooking, but is definitely more of a grill master, never ask him to deep fry anything though

- is also surprisingly handy thanks to the skills his dad passed onto him, speaking of his family, he isn’t very close to his mother and siblings since they all moved back to their home continent after Chilchuck graduated, he still sometimes travels alone on special holidays or on the anniversary of his father’s death but only if he can afford it

- is now a supervisor of his own crew, initially he wanted to own his own locksmith company, but he also wants to retire soon so he needs to save up as much as he can

- has two main friend groups, one he refers to as “the freaks” which includes Laios, Marcille, Fallin, Kabru, Izutsumi, and Senshi, and the other he refers to as “work” which includes Namari, Mickbell, Kuro, and Dandan

- is closest to Senshi and Marcille, seeing them as his family, however is a bit more distant with Izutsumi since he doesn’t want to automatically take on a “step-dad” role in her life, the reasoning mainly stems from his respect of her and her decisions on who she gets to let in her life, but is also because he wants to avoid things becoming awkward between them

- is, if not begrudgingly, friendly with Laios and Fallin, deep down he cares about them more than he lets on, is mostly cordial with Kabru

- is surprisingly close to Namari, however they keep their relationship strictly within their workplace and the bar they sometimes hit up afterwards

- is closer to his ex-wife and daughters now, having dinner once a month at his ex-wife’s house, they still haven’t really reconciled but they’ve allowed each other to move on

- more to add when I think of it

• Senshi (also super long please forgive me)

- is currently 52 and living with Chilchuck and his adopted daughter Izutsumi

- lives in Chilchuck’s house, but used to own a condo near the restaurant he used to work for

- when he was a child, he lived on an entirely separate continent in the remote far north, the village he grew up in was known for its mining industry, most of the community including his parents were miners, however an accident killed his father and cancer killed his mother when he was a baby, so his father’s friend Gillin took Senshi in when he was 2

- due to the mining culture surrounding the village, it was expected that Senshi also become a miner when he grew up, this coupled with the hyper-masculine ideas of honouring his late father and carrying on the bloodline, made Senshi not really put in much effort into school since he believed it had no use for him, a decision that would later hinder his career and degree options greatly

- once graduated from high school, Gillin immediately had Senshi take his safety courses and get his certification so he could get a job as soon as possible, with some references from Gillin himself, Senshi was able to land a beginner’s position within the company Gillin was in

- worked 7 years mining coal until the mine ran dry and he had to look for work elsewhere, jumped positions between 3-4 companies over another 8 years mining iron and copper until he landed a 2 year contract at a remote but booming silver mine

- was put into a 6 man team composed of himself, Gillin, Brigan, Invar, Totan, and Noor, where they would descend into a highly unregulated and dangerous mountain mine and extract the massive veins of silver, they all were paid well, but the conditions were next to abysmal

- 1 year and 9 months into the contract, a rockslide on the south side of the mountain caused a cheap tunnel support to collapse over the only exit leading out of the stope they were mining in, effectively trapping them indefinitely

- luckily they had a ventilation shaft, but none of them could fit inside and escape or yell for attention since they were trapped over 200ft deep and 500ft in the mountain, so their only option was to ration their food and wait for help to arrive

- they do try to escape in other ways, such as mining through the collapsed support, however this only leads to injury among the group, and as much as Senshi wanted to help, he was under strict instruction by Gillin not to over-exert himself, even though he wasn’t a kid anymore, he still had the most strength and wits among them all, this also results in him receiving the most food much to Brigan’s rage

- in an attempt to be useful, Senshi started drawing up the maps of the mine to see if there was a tunnel close by they could mine into

- as more time passes and they realized no one would be coming to help them, their escape attempts become much more desperate, one attempt to blow up the collapsed tunnel entrance with their remaining explosives leads to the death of Totan, another attempt to start mining over the collapsed tunnel entrance leads to the death of Noor, one last attempt to remove the panelling lining the ventilation shaft so they could be able to fit through leads to the death of Invar, leaving only Brigan, Gillin, and Senshi left

- after six weeks of being trapped under ground, Brigan mentally snaps and tries to cannibalize Senshi so they could eat his flesh, this leads to a physical altercation between Gillin and Brigan which ends in an unstable overhang of rock to collapse and crush Brigan and for Gillin to succumb to his wounds and exhaustion

- alone and starving, Senshi realizes he is now skinny enough to fit through the ventilation shafts and crawl his way out, he uses a combination of ropes and support spikes to help aid him, but soon quickly realizes he mostly has to navigate in the dark

- for two more weeks, Senshi follows the map he memorized and the feeling of airflow to make his way out, only surviving off of his remaining water, in the end he managed to crawl out of a shaft just outside the mining camp

- relived and also deeply saddened, Senshi remains near the shaft until some workers doing a perimeter check find him in the morning, he is promptly taken into the hospital to treat his injuries

- after explaining the situation to the police and his boss, his boss offers him a $30,000 payout to keep quiet and say nothing, the officers say it is possible to take his boss and the company to court, however it would likely put him into massive debt trying to find a good lawyer, in the end Senshi takes the money and leaves the camp for his village

- what’s left to him by Gillin is another $50,000 in savings and property assets, the rest is given to his remaining family, the first thing Senshi buys with the money is his adamantine pot and mythril knife, using both to make a soup Gillin would often feed him, and leaving five bowls of it outside of the collapsed silver mine before moving out of his village for good at aged 35

- he moves to the continent and city where all the other characters are currently living, buying his condo and deciding to enter into 4 year culinary school program

- during these 4 years, Senshi comes to realize that cooking is his true passion, finding it immensely rewarding and fulfilling, and even though he didn’t make many friends due to his unorthodox taste and recipes, it was still the most happy he’s ever been

- about 1 year after graduating and getting a job as the main line cook for a high end restaurant, Senshi meets and adopts 5 year old Izutsumi

- he initially sees her wandering around the green belt outside and behind the restaurant, kicking rocks and occasionally running and hiding in trees, he was always worried she was homeless, however would always see she was gone by the time he was done his shifts

- around five months of this, Izutsumi notices and begins to approach Senshi, as if she had wanted food, Senshi would usually offer some of his packed lunches or leftovers and she would always accept and sit next to him while they ate

- Izutsumi usually never spoke but was always ravenous, Senshi often worried that she was being abused, but whenever he would ask she would always say no, and since she was a healthy weight and never had any bruises or welts, Senshi reluctantly believed her, after that though he began packing more food

- eventually, a woman (Maizuru) approaches Senshi after one of his shifts and bluntly asked if he would like to take care of Izutsumi from then on, baffled he asked who she was and why she knew he was feeding Izutsumi, and she explained that she is her caretaker

- she also explained that since Izutsumi seemed to trust and respect Senshi the most, that he would be the best person to give her a chance at a normal life and raise her into an adjusted adult, due to the fact that she has no regard or interest or respect in her or the rest of her foster family, she then conceded that her question was rather sudden, but still implored Senshi to take her into his care or otherwise she would be forced into an orphanage

- thinking of Gillin, and with the wound of his crew’s death still in his mind Senshi, perhaps impulsively, agrees to take Izutsumi in, much to Maizuru’s delight and thankfulness

- the next day, she returns with Izutsumi and her things and tells Senshi that she will handle most of the legal paperwork aside from the few forms that he will have to sign

- from that point onward, he took care of Izutsumi and made sure she got through school, although she wasn’t completely responsive and obedient, he was still very patient and understanding with her, except for the first few times she would keep on running away from school to join him for his lunch breaks

- they have a very trusting relationship with one another, and Senshi is the only one Izutsumi will open up to, Senshi often encouraged her talent of athleticism by signing her up for various sports, he was and still is very attentive towards her needs and is always feeding her the things she likes (and dislikes)

- Senshi works at the restaurant for another 9 years, simultaneously saving up for his own restaurant and saving for Izutsumi’s college, at age 45 he meets Chilchuck during the construction of his restaurant and they form a close friendship

- subsequently, he is introduced to Marcille, Fallin, Laios, and even Kabru, but still mostly interacts with Chilchuck and Itsuzumi

- however he is quite close with Laios since he works as a server at his restaurant and is very enthusiastic about his cooking technique, flavour pallet, and types of dishes he serves

- at age 49, he officially opens his restaurant and starts dating Chilchuck, the three of them all move in together and become a household unit

- is now very happy with where he is at in life, works and manages his restaurant while still making time for Izutsumi and her hobbies, is very close with Chilchuck and becomes the first person he opens up to about his past and what he went through, generally the grossest and most sappiest old couple you will ever meet

- made a Senshi-sized hole deep into the fabric of Chilchuck’s home, converting his backyard into a full vegetable and flower garden that he maintains, is super proud about it and often leaves the prettiest flowers on Chilchuck’s side of the bed or in a vase on Izutsumi’s bedside table

- head-chef and owner of his restaurant, his favourite part is being able to cook what he wants for a very specific audience (people like Laios)

- his food is not super high-end but also not like a family diner either, a healthy mix of both, like kid friendly while still being classy and opulent enough to take someone out on a date there

- drives his beloved suzuki carry to and from work every day, does a good job maintaining it on his own despite it being boring according to him

- I honestly don’t really know what Senshi would listen to, I feel like the most in character for him would be folk music from his home country or bossa nova i can’t really decide

- coffee with lots of sugar but no cream or milk, prefers drinking black tea with milk and honey if he has a choice

- bag is a basic backpack with minimal items like wallet, keys, lipbalm, mints, etc… always has a change of clothes in case his gets dirty at work, also has extra hair and beard nets, some stuff for Izutsumi is in there too

- water bottle is also a vintage stanley cup, but his is wayyy more dented than Chilchuck’s and older (from like the 50s) refuses to buy anything else until it is unusable, has had the same piece of duct tape sealing a leak near the bottom for the past 20 years

- also can’t decide if he’s a t-shirt or Hawaiian shirt kind of guy, probably a healthy mix of both, also mostly wears shorts or a kilt-like garment native to his home country, lives exclusively in sandals you will never find him in close-toed shoes unless he’s working

- funny story deriving from this fact, the first impression Chilchuck ever had of Senshi (aside from “damn he’s kinda hot”) was “oh my god how the fuck is this guy not dead” due to the fact that Senshi showed up to the construction sight with flip flops, no safety helmet, and no safety vest on whatsoever

- more to add when I think of it

• Izutsumi (still a cat-girl in this universe)

- currently 17 and living with Senshi and Chilchuck

- used to live with the Nakamoto’s as a foster child, however hated living there due to the unfamiliarity and attempts at sweeping her past trauma under the rug and refusing to treat her for it

- life before the Nakamoto’s is fuzzy, it’s implied by her councillor and confirmed by Maizuru later on that she was raised by her mother until she died or abandoned her at 3 years old, was then placed into the care of another foster home who physically and verbally abused her, keeping her chained up in the basement most of the day and hardly feeding her, if not forgetting about her all together

- she was taken in by the Nakamoto’s at aged 4, and had a very hard time managing her due to her stunted social skills, anger issues, and delayed language development manifesting itself in avoidance behaviours such as running away and lashing out violently

- had frequent nightmares during this time, resulting in her becoming very clingy during the night

- would often run away to the green belt close to her house, the same green belt that was connected to Senshi’s restaurant

- initially only approached him because of the smell of food, her prior abuse and malnutrition resulted in an early form of binge eating, so she often sought any sight, smell, or taste food as a way of safety and comfort

- unlike all her previous caretakers, she found Senshi to not be malicious or uncaring towards her, especially after he started sharing and bringing food for her, her ease around him didn’t go unnoticed by Maizuru who then offered Senshi the deal to take care of her

- initially hated living in Senshi’s condo since the small space reminded her of the basement she was kept in, but soon found it to be much more comfortable if she could smell the food Senshi would make

- Received counselling for her trauma and slowly began to get better, however she would still frequently act out or skip school as a coping mechanism, however, Senshi helped her regulate her energy and emotions through signing her up for various sports, she did volleyball, hockey, wrestling, swimming, etc… until she settled on gymnastics and Muay Thai

- has somewhat of a complex towards love and attachment, in that she doesn’t fully believe an individual cares for her or loves her so will often do whatever she likes both because she doesn’t think it affects the other person that much and because it will prevent people from wanting to get close to her and have a meaningful relationship, a complex that stems from her past abuse

- is now in a much better headspace than she was in, as she has two caretakers who are patient and understanding with her, but are also willing to discipline her and prepare her for the outside world, she also has a good external support system and even a friend at school whom she often hangs out with

- she is currently in her junior year of high school, with decent grades, but only because Senshi and Chilchuck want her to do well so she has more options for university

- her best subjects are science, phsy ed., english, has a hard time with social studies and math

- her one friend her age is Tade as they both are frequently sent to the after-school homework program to help improve their grades, Izutsumi is usually good at shouldering off her homework to her in exchange for ice cream or food, but she’s usually caught and forced to do double the work

- Tade is also a foster kid of the Nakamoto’s, in fact she was the one Izutsumi would usually go to sleep with if she had a nightmare, so they never hang out at her house and either stay at Izutsumi’s house or hang out at the local park/mall

- is very talented athletically, and has won multiple awards at gymnastics and Muay Thai competitions

- still a ravenous eater, but with a crazy fast metabolism so she gains almost no weight, still picky with vegetables and mushrooms but will still eat them as long as their hidden in her food well enough

- coffee flavoured milk drinker, if there’s even a hint of bitterness in her coffee she’s throwing it out

- is into most old alternative or indie rock, appreciates Chilchuck’s taste in music immensely, she’s been learning how to play the bass recently

- has been learning basic recipes from Senshi and can manage a few dishes on her own, is much better at baking overall, never leave her alone with the blowtorch or barbecue though

- aside from sports, she enjoys playing video games and sleeping, she likes mostly storytelling or competitive console games like Skyrim, God of War, and Call of Duty

- bag is a simple black backpack that has all of her papers and textbooks haphazardly shoved in with no regard for neatness or organization, on a good day a pencil will be in there too

- water bottle is non-existent, she uses drinks from the school water fountain as an excuse to get out of class and wander around for a bit

- is old enough to drive and has her license, but doesn’t have her own car yet and still has to catch the bus, if she does drive it’s Senshi’s suzuki, Chilchuck let her drive his land rover once and she backed into a pole

- lives in crop tops and shorts, is actually quite fashionable but doesn’t have the energy or motivation to pull anything off, either wears converse, slides, crocs, or doc martens as footwear, most would describe her style as grunge-ish

- makeup is hit or miss, sometimes she can muster some concealer and eyeliner, but for the most part she just washes her face and nothing else, she is big into jewelry though and likes to wear lots of accessories

- has been allowed to pierce her ears quite extensively, as well as her nose, however both Senshi and Chilchuck have drawn the line at any other face piercings until she’s an adult, much to her dismay

- outside of Senshi, Chilchuck, and Tade, she is probably the most friendly with Marcille and Fallin as they frequently visit and interact with her, Marcille especially loves to spoil Izutsumi with treats and gifts since she never had a little cousin growing up

- Izutsumi likes Fallin for her quietness and ability to keep out of her business, however saw first hand how weird she can be when she held up a massive rhinoceros beetle without even flinching, also when she kept on excusing herself to their backyard to go snack on their strawberry plants

- Laios and Kabru she knows of, also finds Laios to be very weird but is less friendly about it than she is with Fallin, his lack of understanding of social cues also confuses her

- more to add when I think of it

AND THATS IT!!! This was stupidly long, I hope I didn’t bore you to death lol. I’ll probably do another one of these so I can include Chilchuck’s daughters, Kabru, Namari, etc… maybe with some additions to the main cast, but yeah that’s about the extend of it, hope you enjoyed :3

[imnotjaesblog]

Part 1: The Dork

Warnings: None

Jisung has the biggest crush on you and it's cute.

Summary: You realize in order to execute your plan perfectly you need to make friends with the dork of Si Cheng's friend group. You need one inside man, someone to provide you with useful information. Jisung is the perfect spy for your plan, he's quiet, diligent and basically invisible to his friends. Seeing him in your shared anatomy class Monday morning you don't shy away from making your move.

Words: 5k

MINORS DO NOT READ!!!!

Enjoy :)

You ignored the stares you received upon walking into the lecture hall. All day it seems like you can't go anywhere without someone whispering behind your back or pointing in your direction. You had never dreaded coming to school so much. The last time you dragged your feet to the building was just after Johnny's pool party last summer. Your head had pounded from the night before all the way into Monday afternoon. It was a terrible day, but at least that Monday was forgettable. This one came as quickly as you expected.

You walked into your first lecture fresh set of painted nails and a red tint on your lips, making yourself look stunning always made you feel better. It also made you feel slightly less anxious about your plan of revenge.

Sure it was probably unhealthy for you to have such a plan but at this point you felt you had no other choice. That feeling is what led you here, with this mindset, in the first place. You needed to say something, do something to let everyone know to just leave you alone and to teach these boys a lesson.

Taking a quick scan you searched for the dark-haired boy. Spotting him in the middle row towards the window you made your way over to him. Whispers could be heard from around the room. A bunch of grown adults acting like high school students. It made you pity them. The people who talked about you behind your back had no outside of obsessing over gossip.

Jisung didn't look up when you sat beside him. He had one of his headphones in tapping his pen on his notebook. You took a glance at him as you sat down taking out your laptop along with your notepad. Placing your pink pen beside him you let your arm brush against his. The touch and faint smell of your perfume caught his attention.

His eyes were wide, body tensed. He didn't have to take a peek to know it was you who sat next to him. He just wondered why. You've never sat next to him before, what made you start now? All the empty seats in the room yet you sat next to him. He hid the smile that formed on his lips.

"Excuse me?" you reached over to him waving your hand. Jisung gulped barely turning his head. He pulled his headphones out of his ear holding it between his fingertips. You sent him a friendly smile.

"You're Jisung right?" you asked knowing very well who this boy was. He nodded turning his head slightly over to see you. Your tongue darted over your teeth ideas running through your head. You checked out his frame seeing how far his legs extended from under the table. Trying your best to make out his frame through his dark hoodie.

"I'm Y/n," you said extending your hand to him. His eyes widened but he took your hand shaking it. You left your hand on his placing it on the table. You could already hear the whispers but you didn't care, it only sent fuel to your fire. He looked down seeing your hand on top of his watching from the corner of his eyes as one of your legs crossed over the other.

"I've seen you in this class before and late at night studying at the library. You're a smart boy," you complimented the praise going straight to his head. He nodded listening in on what you had to say. This could be his last moment to speak to you. "So I think if I ask you nicely you'll agree, won't you?" you asked gently. He nodded feeling his mouth slowly open. He quickly cleared his throat adjusting himself.

"What's your question?" he asked brows dancing as he tried to relax himself. He could feel the sweat forming behind his neck and he was praying it didn't go straight to his hands. Your hand felt so warm and cool on his. You weren't nervous at all while he was over here trying to count backward in his head to relax his nerves.

"I know you are close friends with Si Cheng. I also know Si Cheng told you what he did," You leaned forward meeting his eyes. Now it was starting to make sense as to why you sat beside him today. "Do you believe him? I know you're a smart boy, You'll tell me the truth right?" you asked focused on his eyes. Seeing you so close and upfront made him even more nervous. However he couldn't lie, it would kill him to lie to you.

He nodded, "I'll tell you what I believe," he said desperately. You nodded lips pursed together. You sat back in your chair your hand fading from his. He frowned but let out a sigh. "When Si Cheng came back to the house he told us you two slept together. It just didn't make sense to me at all. Why would you sleep with a guy like him? I mean you rejected Jaehyun three times in the last six months, most girls here would kill for him to even look our way," he said getting sidetracked. "I mean honestly-"

"Jisung focus," you said sternly. He nodded shaking his mind of any extra unnecessary thoughts.

"It just doesn't make sense. You are known for being completely unreachable and all of sudden Si Cheng of all people is who you decide to date? It just doesn't make sense," he said ending his truth.

You took in what he said index finger on your plump lips. At least someone around here understood Si Cheng was so far from your type. "So you don't believe him?" you asked. Jisung shook his head.

"No way. The only way I'd believe it is if he put you under a spell," he joked causing you to chuckle. Maybe Jisung wasn't as bad as the rest of Si Cheng's friends. Jisung, unfortunately, fell victim to your distaste not because he was terrible but because his friends were. You sighed, you couldn't ruin this boy. You couldn't find it in your heart to hurt him. So instead you'd get him to help you.

"Jisung how well are you friends with these boys?" you asked sounding a bit more eventful. He shrugged barely thinking of an answer. "About two years. I just live with some of them because I can't afford my own place. Other than that they barely act like I exist," he confessed. You nodded a smirk on your lips. "How about this?" you asked recatching his attention.

"I need your help," you said to him. He leaned in closer as you explained your plan. He fought against it at first but after your skillful persuading, he gave in deciding to help you.

After class meet with Jisung at your apartment, Wendy and Jungwoo showing up as well, Ten not too far behind. You explained to them that Jisung would be helping, playing as a spy since he was the closest to the boys. Your friends agreed with the plan creating a list of names to check off once you had your way.

"For so long these men have treated me like meat," you said Jisung nodded his head experiencing firsthand the things they've said about you. "Now it's time I treat them the same way," You said with a smirk, Wendy, Ten, and Jungwoo responded the same way. "Jisung who's first on the list?" you asked. He cleared his throat picking up the piece of paper.

"YangYang," He said placing the paper back down. "He should be pretty easy. He skates down by the bridge with some of his friends. He's usually out there until his feet hurt," Jisung said everyone's gears turning at once. "He's probably there right now," he said as more as a suggestion to head over now. You nodded keeping the idea in your mind. You knew better than to go now. His friends were stupid but they weren't exactly slow. You never went to the skatepark for the simple fact you can't skate. Yet all of a sudden you show up looking for Lui Yangyang? it just didn't make sense so you decided to put the idea to rest. Just for the night and then tomorrow, you'd make your move on the boy.

Getting these boys to crumble was going to be a piece of cake. Si Cheng is gonna completely regret fucking with you.

"Do you think it's really gonna work?" Ten asked taking a slice of pizza from the box. Wendy spoke up from beside you. "What you doubting her plan?" she asked offended. Ten shook his head, "No calm down," he said to Wendy. Jungwoo chuckled sitting in between them and enjoying his pizza.

"So what is it then?" you asked recatching his attention as well as Jisung's. "I just mean this is an insane plan. I mean I'm all for it, let those men regret what they've done to you but do you think it's gonna?" he asked genuinely concerned, more for you than anyone else. You nodded glancing over at Jisung and then back at ten.

"It has to work. Or else it was all for no reason," you responded. Ten sighed shaking his head. He picked up his cup raising it to you. "I hope your right," he said not bringing the conversation up again. He sipped his drink and then placed it back down. After some silent beats, Wendy spoke.

"So Jisung why did you agree to help Y/n? Don't you want to stay loyal to your friends?" she asked. You even turned to him waiting for his answer. He looked at everyone around him not used to all the attention he was receiving. He sipped his soda quickly before he answered her. "Well I mean I know what they've said about you and other girls, it's not right," He said but Wendy cut him off.

"Yes but why betray your friends?" she asked again more blunt this time. You sent her a look trying to calm her down. She brushed it off turning back to the now pale in the face Jisung. He felt the sweats forming again, his throat dry, and unable to form a sentence he pushed to create one with whatever words made sense.

"Well, it's just-" he began but Wendy cut him off again.

"Just what? You're not a rat right?" she pressed into him. He shook his head vigorously unable to speak. Jungwoo leaned over to her but she pushed him away. Ten stepped in also pressing into the boy. "So then why?" he asked now curious. You felt bad for him. He knew how aggressive and assertive your friends could be especially when it came to each other. They were just trying to look out for you and you understood that, but this poor boy looked like he was ready to piss himself.

"Guys quit it, can't you see you're pressuring him?" you said attempting to stop the interrogation. They ignored you keeping their eyes on him. "I uh…" he stuttered there stares burning into his skin. He stammered trying to figure out a way out of this situation. You huffed now annoyed. "Guys just stop-"

"How can you trust him?" Wendy asked now focused on you.

"I just do, okay? And now I'm asking you all to trust me. Look understand that if I did not trust him he wouldn't be here," you said looking away from them and turning to Jisung. You sent him a soft smile watching as the color in his face slowly started to return to normal.

"If Jisung says he wants to help because he doesn't like how his friends act then I believe him. He wants to surround himself with better people, better role models than the ones he depended on for the last two years," you said Jisung nodded agreeing with every word you said. Because you were right. He had one conversation with you today, an actual conversation after class and he never felt so seen.

People made you out to be some stuck-up girl who believed she was better than everyone. A girl who people made bets seeing you could get in your pants first. Men trying to find ways to take you home all so they could wear the crown made up of your jewels. On the surface you seemed so intimidating, so dare he say bitchy.

You were unapproachable because you looked unapproachable. He believed that for a long time, especially after seeing you diss and reject his most popular friends.

But speaking to you now, even seeing you stand up for him after knowing him for

You ignored the stares you received upon walking into the lecture hall. Monday came as quickly as you expected. You walked into your first lecture fresh set of painted nails and a red tint on your lips. Taking a quick scan you searched for the dark-haired boy. Spotting him in the middle row towards the window you made your way over to him.

Whispers could be heard from around the room. A bunch of grown adults acting like high school students. It made you pity them. The people who talked about you behind your back. They had no life outside of obsessing over hot gossip and with your name floating around people would be talking for a minute.

Jisung didn't look up when you sat beside him. He had one of his headphones in tapping his pen on his notebook. You took a glance at him taking out your laptop along with your notepad. Placing your pink pen beside him you let your arm brush against his. The touch and faint smell of your perfume caught his attention.

His eyes were wide and his body tense. He didn't have to take a peek to know it was you who sat next to him. He just wondered why. You've never sat next to him before so what made you start now? All the empty seats in the room and you sat next to him. He hid the smile that formed on his lips. If it wasn't for the sound of your voice he would have forgotten you were next to him.

"Excuse me?" you reached over to him waving your hand. Jisung gulped barely turning his head. He pulled his headphones out of his ear holding it between his fingertips. You sent him a friendly smile.

"You're Jisung right?" you asked knowing very well who this boy was. He nodded turning his head slightly over to see you. Your tongue darted over your teeth ideas running through your head. You checked out his frame seeing how far his legs extended from under the table. Trying your best to make out his frame through his dark hoodie.

"I'm Y/n," you said extending your hand to him. His eyes widened but he took your hand shaking it. You left your hand on his placing it on the table. You could already hear the whispers but you didn't care, it only sent fuel to your fire. He looked down seeing your hand on top of his watching from the corner of his eyes as one of your legs crossed over the other.

"I've seen you in this class before and late at night studying at the library. You're a smart boy," you complimented the praise going straight to his head. He nodded listening in on what you had to say. This could be his last moment to speak to you. "So I think if I ask you nicely you'll agree, won't you?" you asked gently. He nodded feeling his mouth slowly open. He quickly cleared his throat adjusting himself.

"What's your question?" he asked brows dancing as he tried to relax himself. He could feel the sweat forming behind his neck and he was praying it didn't go straight to his hands. Your hand felt so warm and cool on his. You weren't nervous at all while he was over here trying to count backward in his head to relax his nerves.

"I know you are close friends with Si Cheng. I also know Si Cheng told you what he did," You leaned forward meeting his eyes. Now it was starting to make sense as to why you sat beside him today. "Do you believe him? I know you're a smart boy, You'll tell me the truth right?" you asked focused on his eyes. Seeing you so close and upfront made him even more nervous. However he couldn't lie, it would kill him to lie to you.

He nodded, "I'll tell you what I believe," he said desperately. You nodded lips pursed together. You sat back in your chair your hand fading from his. He frowned but let out a sigh. "When Si Cheng came back to the house he told us you two slept together. It just didn't make sense to me at all. Why would you sleep with a guy like him? I mean you rejected Jaehyun three times in the last six months, most girls here would kill for him to even look our way," he said getting sidetracked. "I mean honestly-"

"Jisung focus," you said sternly. He nodded shaking his mind of any extra unnecessary thoughts.

"It just doesn't make sense. You are known for being completely unreachable and all of sudden Si Cheng of all people is who you decide to date? It just doesn't make sense," he said ending his truth.

You took in what he said index finger on your plump lips. At least someone around here understood Si Cheng was so far from your type. "So you don't believe him?" you asked. Jisung shook his head.

"No way. The only way I'd believe it is if he put you under a spell," he joked causing you to chuckle. Maybe Jisung wasn't as bad as the rest of Si Cheng's friends. Jisung, unfortunately, fell victim to your distaste not because he was terrible but because his friends were. You sighed, you couldn't ruin this boy. You couldn't find it in your heart to hurt him. So instead you'd get him to help you.

"Jisung how well are you friends with these boys?" you asked sounding a bit more eventful. He shrugged barely thinking of an answer. "About two years. I just live with some of them because I can't afford my own place. Other than that they barely act like I exist," he confessed. You nodded a smirk on your lips. "How about this?" you asked recatching his attention.

"I need your help," you said to him. He leaned in closer as you explained your plan. He fought against it at first but after your persuading, he gave in deciding to help you.

After class meet with Jisung at your apartment, Wendy and Jungwoo showing up as well, Ten not too far behind. You explained to them that Jisung would be helping, playing as a spy since he was the closest to the boys. Your friends agreed with the plan creating a list of names to check off once you had your way.

"For so long these men have treated me like meat," you said Jisung nodded his head experiencing firsthand the things they've said about you. "Now it's time I treat them the same way," You said with a smirk, Wendy, Ten, and Jungwoo responded the same way. "Jisung who's first on the list?" you asked. He cleared his throat picking up the piece of paper.

"YangYang," He said placing the paper back down. "He should be pretty easy. He skates down by the bridge with some of his friends. He's usually out there until his feet hurt," Jisung said everyone's gears turning at once. "He's probably there right now," he said as more as a suggestion to head over now. You nodded keeping the idea in your mind.

You knew better than to go now. His friends were stupid but they weren't exactly slow. You never went to the skatepark for the simple fact you can't skate. Yet all of a sudden you show up looking for Lui Yangyang? it just didn't make sense so you decided to put the idea to rest. Just for the night and then tomorrow, you'd make your move on the boy.

Getting these boys to crumble was going to be a piece of cake. Si Cheng was going to regret fucking with you.

"Do you think it's really going to work?" Ten asked taking a bite of his pizza. You went to respond but Wendy spoke up from next to you before you did. "Are you doubting our plan?" she asked offended. Ten shook his head dusting off his hands. Jungwoo started to chuckle sitting in between them a slice of pizza in his hand. Both you and him are used to their bickering.

"I'm just making sure she knows what she's getting into," he said to Wendy then he turned to you. "Y/n you're not just unfollowing them on Instagram or telling everyone Si Cheng lied you're attempting to destroy his friend group. I just want to know what you think," he said looking directly at you when he spoke.

"It has to work. If it doesn't then all of this was for nothing," you respond. Ten nods deciding to put the conversation to rest. Jisung sits quietly beside you enjoying his pizza while also writing you a more detailed list than what Wendy gave you. He even put the boys in order to make it easier for you to check them off once you were finished with each of them.

After some small beats of silence, Wendy spoke again, this time her target Jisung.

"Hey Jisung," she called causing his head to pick up. Everyone turned to him. "Why are you helping us and not your friends? You like Y/n to?" she asked. The answer to the second question was yes. Especially after today. The two of you shared one full conversation after class and he never felt so seen. With his friends, they'd always speak over him or act like he wasn't there. With you, he felt seen. You asked him questions, you wanted to know what he liked and how he felt. It made him feel joy for the first time in a while. He liked knowing he was becoming your friend.

Which is why he wanted to help you. He was a part of that very popular group of boys. He lived with some of them and had to hear the nasty things they said about him. He was there for every bet they made with each other or some freshman to get your phone number or sometimes to get into your pants. Telling the naive freshman you were some easy a and would gladly give it up for them. The freshman always found out the hard way.

Jisung always disliked the way they treated you, he just didn't have the courage to stand up and honor your behalf even when you weren't there to see it. He couldn't believe some of these boys had sisters and spoke this way. His closest friend in that group was Taeyong, another loser like him. However, lately, Taeyong has hoped that Y/n train with the rest of his friends. Before meeting you he was so lonely, he's so grateful you accepted him.

"Uh Hello?" Wendy called his attention waving her hands bracelet dangling around her wrist. Jisung perked his eyes and ears up turning his attention away from the list and to Wendy. "You here with us?" she asked and he nodded. "I asked you a question before but you didn't answer me," she spoke. He cleared his throat bowing his head. "I'm sorry," he said looking around the room and wiping his palms on his jeans.

"Why are you helping?" she asked again putting more pressure on him to answer by leaning forward and only keeping her eyes on him. He fiddled with his fingers becoming nervous under stare, but in the same way, you made him nervous. The way you made him feel almost excited him, Wendy just scared him.

"Uh because…uh," he stammered he knew the answer he just couldn't speak. Jisung had always dreamed of having friends who occasionally shine the spotlight on him except now that light was starting to burn.

Ten parked up beside Jungwoo who remained quiet but was enjoying the show around him. "I'm curious too, Why are you helping her and not your friends?" he asked making Jisung feel more pressured to answer. You noticed quickly how uncomfortable he was becoming. You sent Wendy a look but she ignored it. She was very protective of her friends so you knew her heart was in the right place so you weren't angry with her. It's just that Jisung didn't quite understand that yet.

"Okay guys that's enough," you said sternly. Wendy brushed you off again shaking her head. "Not until he answers," she said still keeping contact with him. He gulped a dry lump in his throat. He could barely speak now, and earlier you could not shut him up. He tried his best to form any kind of coherent sentence with the first words that came to his mind that made any kind of sense.

"I'm helping because I want to," he said quietly. Both Ten and Wendy squinted leaning forward. "Can you repeat it?" Ten asked. Jisung sighed meeting his eyes. "Because I want to. I've been around those guys the longest and I don't think how they treat girls is right. My mother never raised me that way and I don't want to be influenced by them," he said quickly rushing to end his sentence. Wendy sat back with a satisfied smile on her lips. She clasps her hands together getting everyone's attention.

"How about some drinks?' she asked the room everyone nodded while Jisung questioned her duality. This was going to be a long ass ride.

——

“I have an extra room with you want to stay,” you offered Jisung. He had stood behind to help you clean up the dishes and throw away empty pizza boxes. He shook his head hair lightly treading his skin. “Are you sure? I know how you feel about that house,” you offered again. Jisung finished cleaning the last dish drying off his hands with the nearby towel.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” he responded. You walked closer to him standing beside him placing a hand on his shoulder. “You not a bother. I’m inviting you to stay. If you don’t want to you don’t have to,” you said, If he said declined again you’d just drop it and see him tomorrow during class. Jisung patted your hand on his shoulder and turned his body to face you.

“Are you sure?” He asked. You nodded sending him a friendly smile. He smiled back shaking his head and deciding to stay. Then his went wide at the realization he had no clothes. “I have nothing to wear,” he said. You brushed it off. “It’s fine. You can head back in the morning and change your clothes. Look,” you said reaching up to his sweater. You unzipped it for him moving the piece of metal down his chest and letting the fabric split in two. For you the act was innocent, for Jisung he couldn't help but watch your fingers tread down the frame.

You walked around him removing his sweater from his shoulders and sliding it off his back. He turned his neck closely observing your every move. You glanced up at him batting your lashes taking notice of the tension that picked up in the room. He slightly turned his body to you once his sweater hit the ground. He was wearing a tight-fitted T-shirt since before he arrived at your place he went to the gym.

His arms were fully on display veins covering his biceps, and the tightness from the shirt showed off his tiny waist. He smelled good being so close to you, a natural smell. He leaned down eyes meeting yours. You felt yourself drawing closer to his lips, your eyes fluttering close. Jisung followed the same motion lips meeting yours only to be stopped by your phone ringing.

Both of you quickly pulled away. Jisung cleared his throat picking his sweater off the kitchen floor, as you ran to your phone. No caller ID so you ignored the call. You placed your phone back down walking over to him. "I'll take you to your room," you said motioning for him to follow. He nodded following behind you.

Neither of you said a word as you walked him to the extra room. You walked a couple steps ahead of him only stopping when you reached the door across from yours. You opened the bedroom door standing to the side so Jisung could step in. Once he did he thanked you telling you goodnight. Before you left you walked over to him where he stood next to the made bed. You stood up placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you for helping me Jisung. Goodnight," you said before walking off with a smile on your lips. Jisung watched you leave in awe a gentle hand reaching to touch his cheek where your lips had just met. You closed the door behind you heading off to your room. Jisung smiled flopping onto the extremely comfortable bed. He scoffed thinking about it while smiling like an idiot. Did you like him? He shook his head laying to his side, his head meeting the soft pillow. You were just being nice to him that was all he thought. He sees why everyone talks about your lips, he didn't even kiss you, and yet your lips felt so soft against his skin.

He lay flat on his back as he thought about your plan. He knew what you were doing to do and while a part of it stung him he didn't fight against you. This is what you wanted to do, this is what you felt was right, and as his friend he was going to support you. He just hoped after all of this you still viewed him as your friend, he genuinely liked you too much to let you go.

Even though he wanted so badly to kiss you, he knew it wasn't right.

You on the other hand got ready for bed preparing yourself for the long adventure you were beginning that all started tomorrow. Yangyang had no idea what was about to hit him. You checked the list Jisung made you one last time seeing his entire schedule. Jisung was worried if you ever got caught you could simply crumble up the paper and toss it. Which is what you intended to do once everything was over.

You just weren't sure what to do about Jisung. You decided to hold off on him for now and focus on tomorrow, mentally preparing yourself for everything you were about to do.

"It will be worth it," you said to yourself as you drifted off to sleep.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for reading part 1 of my Easy A series and I will see you all in part three! Don't forget to like and share with someone who may be just as interested in a series like this.

Tags: @sexygrass @jakiki94 @90s-belladonna @soobiverse @scarfac3 @renyoungrecs @yumekowhore

[bloggingboutburgers]

cw: discussions of bullying and aphobia

Hearing aroace peoples' existential crises over their friends discussing crushes, as someone who was socially isolated and severly bullied for their whole childhood and most of their adolescence so had NO friendgroup until adulthood and NO community or inclusion in literally anything (and when it came to sex and romance the other kids explicitly considered my potential involvement in either to be impossible / laughible because of how "weird" they found me (my autistic traits before I even realised I'm autistic)), felt like starving while listening to someone else complain about the food they're actively eating.

Food intolerances and dislike of different foods (as metaphor for being aro/ace) ARE important and difficult to grapple with when you're expected to eat specific foods in specific proportions at different times - but man did it sting until I realised why I felt that way and gave myself a talking to since my trauma doesn't justify belittling the very real struggles of aroace people.

I guess since the choice between 'stay alone or conform' was never really a choice because I was rejected no matter how cis straight or allo I was it taught me to go "fuck it" and accept myself regardless of what other people do or say (which ironically has lead to me becoming dramatically popular all of a sudden at uni, which has been weird to get used to since I have literally no experience with any of this - platonic or otherwise - which did lead to some advantage being taken of me but f*ck it we ball ^^'). And I guess it's just been difficult understanding why anyone would care so much about whether they're "normal" or not? You really have nothing to gain from that, safety is not guaranteed in conformity so best to live aroace and damn all aphobes to hell if they have a problem with that.

It's a mindset I'll never understand and that's only ok now insofar as that lack of understanding no longer results in misplaced anger at people who, for a time, I had once considered spoilt, ungrateful and out of touch. Basically, I'm full of sh*t and to every aroace person reading this you deserve good friends that actually respect you for who you are and do not even TRY to get you to change your mind about sex or romance. Have a lovely day x

Sincerely,

An aggressive emotional support anon

I'm genuinely sorry for all the hardships you went through. I don't mean to equate at all, truthfully from reading you and considering I WAS asked some of those questions as a kid regardless (the "who's your crush" bullshit and whatnot), it definitely sounds like I had it less hard than you did, but... I was bullied in elementary school and middle school, also not necessarily because I was aroace (I don't know why it happened really, I don't know if anyone ever knows, I boil it down to... me being me and there being something fundamentally wrong with me ig), and I definitely also get some of those feelings of "oh boo hoo you call that struggle" boiling in me when people discuss their own past struggles sometimes, so... Yeah, every one person's experience is unique, but I can at the very least very much sympathize.

I think a way it manifests in me is that I now have that compulsive, debilitating fear of being "othered" in any way, shape, or form, so I guess being aroace doesn't help my case. But at the same time... Well, like you brilliantly put it, when you're in a situation like that, no matter what you do, you won't be accepted anyway, and having that knowledge back then is probably also what lead me to figure myself out as aroace so early in life. Because I was treated as this much of an outsider, I ironically had that much room in my own head to form my own identity, far apart from others and the need to conform. Yeah, that identity may include a "piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be supported of part of a group" side that's been forced in, buried deep down and can't be erased, but... It also includes asexual and aromantic, and it's been cemented so hard from so early with such self-affirmation that later down the line, it saved me from a lot of stuff. I never had to force myself into a romantic or sexual relationship because I was undoubtably aroace – and people saw me as an outsider and an eyesore anyway. I spent years of being scared to go to school or out in the street every day, but later down the line, somehow, I feel it saved me from doing so many things I wouldn't have wanted to do.

...Bleh, sorry, didn't mean to turn this into me-me-me crap when you had the courage and sincerity of not only showing your experience, but finding the strength to show more love, understanding and support than a lot of people probably cared to give you for so long, despite all the pain you felt for so long. I guess I just wanna say... This take is definitely inspiring, so thank you on behalf of myself and others I'm sure, but also... I hope that, for yourself, you're also managing to own what you lived through in a way that allowed you to affirm yourself more strongly (it sounds like you are, I hope it IS the case), and most importantly, I hope you're in a much better place in your life now and you'll never have to return to that level of loneliness again.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

This is going to be different from my other pick a piles. Instead of using cards, I solely channeled these messages with shufflemancy. I loved doing this reading because I've always imagined myself composing music for a movie or at least deciding which songs to use for scenes if I ever got the chance to have a job in that field. While you're thinking of the scenes and how they parallel with what next year could be like for you, definitely give those songs a listen, as if they'll be in the background.

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Pile One 🍿

The Beginning Scene:

Provoker - Dark Angel

(That's a bad ass song for an intro!)

I see a montage of a person (the main character) arriving to a new city that has some sort of cyberpunk aesthetic. The locals aren't very welcoming to this person, but the main character isn't exactly fond of them either. It's dark and gritty despite the showcasing of colors from all sorts of gadgets, lights, and holographic displays. This place is big, with a lot to glimpse at and discover, and crowds of individuals who could potentially be a rival, enemy, lover, or even a friend.

I feel like this pile is going to be starting the new year in a different environment, possibly a new place to call home, but for a lot of you, I'm getting school. For the scene I visualized for you guys, there was this building tension that I kept feeling. Like you guys are not really happy about this new beginning, but you're here at this destination to have a more discreet life with no ties to your past. You guys could feel like a lone ranger, who's lost in life, but isn't necessarily trying to be found or have an obligation to anything. It seems like you're really looking for peace, and aren't trying to make yourself popular amongst people or make connections. I see people sizing you up to intimidate you, but they aren't aware that you aren't the one to mess with, they will though. I also see you being active in this new environment, and people boasting about how helpful and talented you are, but you aren't accepting these compliments. You guys could be dealing with an ego death at the beginning of this year and are having trouble seeing the good that people see in you, whether they're genuine people or foes. Its like you're trying to keep yourself in the dark of this new place, despite running away from your past, and this year is throwing a lot of intervention in your way to bring you out of this self-loathing mindset and to stop running away from fate.

The Middle Scene:

SWANES - Cozy

I see the main character attending a nightclub party, and the appropriate attire for entry is masquerade themed. The main character is looking for someone or something but unexpectedly encounters someone else. Someone from their past, but before they could really catch up with each other, a fight breaks out.

I'm seeing this as a lot of chaotic events that you'll have to deal with in the middle of the year to the point where it's hard for you to focus on anything or anyone else, besides a way to end all of the drama that keeps unfolding. It's like in the middle of this storm, you feel like this is its peak, but then you come across someone from the past that you absolutely don't have time for or want to be bothered by or finding a new love interest that brings you both joy and stress because it all feels like the wrong time to have them. For a lot of you, I feel like this reconciliation with someone you've either dated or never got the chance to but definitely had strong feelings for. But then again, this could really mean, finally finding someone that understands you on an intimate level in this new place that you're in, or allowing yourself to put your guard down and and be in the embrace of someone who will give you comfort for being yourself, instead of giving you more reasons to not like yourself.

The Ending Scene:

Naja Young - Brighter Days

A bittersweet sight to see. For the first time in the movie, in sadly the last scene, the main character stands in front of a golden‐amber sky instead of the clouded and dull atmosphere that they were used to seeing in the city. There's no one else around them, only them, but they're finally content and at peace, with a welcoming smile, staring out in the open, but no long moving. No longer walking or running away from anything.

The genre that I felt for this movie was action. A lot of jaw-dropping fight scenes, and cool neon futuristic weapons and stuff. So I'm getting that the year could feel like endless fighting for you guys, even if you guys are winning, there's still this exhaustion with even having to fight still. This could symbolize being tired of not fitting in with a community but could also symbolize not understanding why you can't fit in with yourself. The Scene doesn't include anyone else, because it represents the main character (you), finally ending this battle that they have within, moreover, finding and attaining peace with themselves that didn't include what they did for other people or what other people did to them. The thing about action movies is that they tend to rank lower than other genres because the fights water down the plot, so I think this means that you're still not really attached to finding or working towards your purpose this year, or even the potential drama with other people in the future, you're OK with where you are now and aren't concerned about anything other than what makes you happy. So regardless of the pain you've experienced in the past, recently, or will experience, in the future, this year will teach you how to not let it consume you or keep you in a panic of how to survive rather than how to live.

The Grammy Award Winning Scene:

Family Time - Magic Abyss Hotel

I'm seeing this fight Scene where it looks like you're losing and about to be killed, but you're smiling and chuckling? The person fighting you is confused, and that creates an opening for you. It's your rhythm while you're fighting that makes this scene the star of the movie, it's like your fighting is almost like dancing with the way it syncs with the song.

This could represent a tower moment that could feel like an inevitable end for you or maybe something that could potentially put you at rock bottom, and it just feels unbelievable. So you laugh because this isn't how you envisioned your end to be, but I feel like the irony of it gives you strength to keep pushing and know that it's not over for you and you won't go out from what you're currently facing. The main character (you) creates visual of what's familiar to everyone which is resilience, but also an inspiration of what triggers a person to keep fighting for their life.

Pile Two 🍿

The Beginning Scene:

Winter - Bonsai

I see the main character being a famous musician in a band performing in front of a huge crowd of people. They're really feeling what they're singing and playing on their instrument that you would think it's real, but it's not. This is a dream. They know that though. It's an awesome dream that they have most of their nights of sleeping, it's just painful when they have to wake up. But they wake up, and then they carry on with with their normal life that isn't as colorful and exciting as the dream that they were in.

I feel like at the beginning of the new year, you will feel like it's any other year, where it's the same stuff and you are no longer expecting anything to change or get better. This could make your attitude appear very nonchalant, but inside you're actually angry over how can reality be so monotonous. As you're reading this, you probably won't believe my word, but I have a feeling that this year could actually be the one where you experience a different tune, something life changing, but only this time, will there be positive transformations. I must add though, that this doesn't mean you won't face anything bad or that the year will be 100% good, but I do see improvement that will make you pleased. If you guys are maladaptive dreamers, you could experience a lot of deja vu in the beginning of the year. Where the opportunities and people that you meet aren't as exaggerated like in the scenarios that you imagine, they will still scarily resemble too much of the things that you wished for or dreamed of experiencing. The start of your year, could be the opposite of boredom that you were expecting. It will start off eventful, that could be overwhelming to keep up with, but I feel like it will only be the tip of the ice berg. Momentum for something exciting that'll give you that new start you were craving, but most importantly, real.

The Middle Scene:

Saskatchewan - Venom

I see someone in front of a computer, looking for answers, but are heavily frustrated with what they can't find. I see them moving onto books and old articles, but still they can't find anything. Then I see them in front of a mirror, with tears falling down their face. They're just not sure about something anymore. I see a scene of this person trying on makeup that changes their looks drastically, but it doesn't satisfy them, so they immediately wipe it off. I see another scene of them shaving their head, but it's the same result. Another, where they're getting a piercing, but no luck. Last, a scene where they get a tattoo, but futile. And then, the person is back in front of their mirror, eyes red from crying, and then they grab something to shatter the mirror with.

There could be something about your existence that's bothering you. This feels like imposter syndrome, or not quite figuring out what's dragging you down and making you feel like there's something missing. Or maybe you'll come across some new information about yourself or your family that you weren't expecting, that shatters who you've always known yourself to be. Maybe you're haunting yourself with things from the past that make you overthink about where you fit in with people or what about you just doesn't resonate with people anymore. Maybe you're losing friends or even broke up with someone, but this seems a lot about blaming yourself for what you've lost, or why you don't feel cut out for a project or role thag you were chosen for. This could also symbolize stress over school or work, where you question if you're good enough for something or if signs are showing you to change your route. I definitely see you recovering from this phase of uncertainty, but for a lot of you, the solution is to move on to something else that makes you more sure of yourself without any pressure, or away from people that discourage you about your dreams because of an unconventional calling or path that you're on.

The Ending Scene:

The Macho Ache - How Did I Get Here

I see the main character (you) in their own place, somewhere that they're proud to call home. The place is cluttered with beautiful Christmas decorations. There's this huge window with a beautiful view of a city, probably somewhere that they've always wanted to live in. They're dancing in front of that window, in front of that skylight view, with stars in the background, twinkling just like the main character who has now finally become their own star in reality, not a dream.

I see success. Success that the main character (you) wasn't expecting, that feels like night and day compared to last year. They are happy. You are happy. You're overwhelmed with how much your life has changed but it's different from the kind that you were experiencing earlier in the year, this feels like like relief that didn't seem possible.

The Grammy Award Winning Scene:

Surf Curse - Labyrinth

I see the main character driving with an adrenaline rush that's emphasized in their eyes. They've had enough and are madly driving driving away from people. This could be from a job that they've quit, their parents, a friend or group of friends, or a lover. The main character is slowly breaking down crying as they're still driving away, but eventually they start crying happy tears.

This Scene represents the pain and grief after someone makes a decision that they didn't want to make but feel as if they needed to. The Scene represents regret after walking alway from someone that they've known for the longest but can no longer handle anymore hurt from them. The sad tears could represent their life flashing in their mind with these individuals, both happy and sad memories, and this pulling feeling that wants them to stay because it's familiar, but the happy tears symbolize that what's done is done, and the joy from their emancipation.

Pile Three 🍿

The Beginning Scene:

Ordinary Child - Float On

I see the main character in an aftermath of the world as we knew it, destroyed. They're the last human. They're laying down on what's left of a rooftop, staring up in a daze, at the sky filled with aurora lights.

At the very beginning of this year, you could be fearful of what's to come because you're still processing all that has happened to you in 2022. For you, you just don't feel right about this year, as if the world is ending, so you could be disassociating a lot. Or maybe you're confused about your surroundings. How people can still go off living their lives when there's so much going on in the world, so it's like you're anticipating something and you're just wondering when other people will catch up. You could be internalizing too much of the world's pain, so I'm seeing that there could be lessons brought to you on how to place boundaries with how much you're feeling from other people and situations, but reminders to stop moving so fast trying to find out how everything is going to end, because you have a life that still needs to be lived now. Maybe you're also being nudged with experiences that bring you back to appreciating what life has to offer now, but it doesn't move you completely. It seems like you'll feel like a ghost. Nothing makes you feel much anymore or everything around you just doesn't feel real.

The Middle Scene:

Easy Life - Wet Weekend

I'm seeing the main character encountering an alien that arrived on earth as a new home. They're just as confused as the main character, but the main character puts their guard down, and shows the alien around earth despite what has been destroyed.

I'm picking up that you could be around younger individuals. There's a baby, child, or someone that's around your age who's naive that you'll meet and be around a lot. Somehow, you're both learning a lot from each other, but most importantly, this is making you regain your humanity or at least faith in humanity. Because I was getting maybe a baby or child, they could represent a newfound perspectives and appreciation for living, and allowing yourself to recieve and give. This could also mean using your knowledge and awareness to find inspiration for a new lifestyle or philosophy. There's something about your beliefs changing a lot in this part of your year, where you're no longer obsessing over other people's enlightenment or lack thereof, but focusing on how there's still much to learn than just concluding that the point in life is to die and that's it. You could also find newer communities to be in, that will put you at ease, and make you have more fun.

The Ending Scene:

Slchild - Maybe We Need a Break

After separating from your alien friend due to an argument or one of you guys being captured. You guys are reunited again, and are walking together with your shadows signifying the strength of your friendship.

For some reason, I feel like this represents feeling like yourself again. Like no longer feeling outside of your body with no confusion over your life and why things happen the way that they do. You're feeling very whole even amongst the people that you couldn't understand before. I'm getting that you're also no longer caring about your pace by realizing that we all move at different tempos. This could also mean no longer feeling like the world is out to get you, and there are other people who share similar traumas that you've faced, despite what they look like on the outside. I also interpret this as creating something that substantial that surpasses time and death. This can be finding new friends and "family" and making memories with you that they will always remember and keep close, or this could represent strong progress in healing through grief that you've been experiencing with a loved one that died. People may not live forever, or happiness may not be a constant thing, but you're learning how to immortalize things that you love about living or that you loved about someone who passed away.

The Grammy Award Winning Scene:

VACATIONS - Steady

The main character (you) is scavenging through old remnants and belongings of people that didn't survive the apocalypse. They're mourning over both people that they've known and haven't even met.

I feel like grief is a big message in this pile. Grieving through your loss for wanting to life, grieving through dreams you may have missed out on, grieving through people that you've lost to death or other reasons. This is a powerful scene for the audience that knows what it's like to have feelings of emptiness and no idea left on where to go. I feel like if this pile is going through a loss, please know that you will get through this, even if it feels endless. I feel like the year of 2023, will evoke the recovery that you need to find your way back into the world again.

[xjulixred45x]

I want to take some time to voice my appreciation for you. Thank you for answering my questions and requests * bows*. I have another Yandere Platonic Nanami and Yandere Platonic Higuruma request. May I request for General Jealosy hcs involving them and how they feel act towards other people especially like Kusakabe, Shoko and for a time Principal Yaga when it comes to Necro. How do they react if they notice them hovering or going to them when both Yanderes are too much to handle

Awww You're welcome sweetie! My pleasure.

(this is a little shorter than the usual bc is a stablished scenario)

Platonic!Yandere! Nanami/Higuruma x Necro! Reader: Jelousy Hc

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: female

Warnings: PLATONIC YANDERE BEHAVIOR, OBSESIVE BEHAVIOR, OVERPROTECTION, JELOUSY, UNHEALTY MINDSET. Necromancer Reader kind of have the Stockholm syndrome.

OK, first of all, Higuruma and Nanami's dynamic would be slightly different at this point.

I already mentioned in several posts about these two that they constantly competed against each other either for Necro's affection or for her favoritism, which generated quarrels, fights, mutual murder attempts, etc.

However, over time and realizing that following this dynamic negatively affects things (Necro gets angry/sad when seeing them like this, no one ends up getting what they want, etc.), they agree to try to accept each other.

Nanami and Higuruma are stifling and somewhat terrifying platonic yanderes, but they can balance each other out well after they reach this bias.

Nanami is the one who sets a strict schedule so that they both have the attention and company of Necro (both individually and all together) and thus avoid problems, being as fair as possible.

Higuruma, on the other hand, respects this arrangement With His Life, since he knows that it is the closest he would come to sharing custody of Necro. so he is not willing to waste the time they have together.

They even learn to like/befriend each other thanks to this, since they now better understand the fact that They Both Want the Same Thing (unfortunately for Necro).

However, this has its disadvantages, since both have no problem supporting and encouraging the negative aspects of the other.

Higuruma is very one to go to extremes, he either doesn't punish Necro at all or he can cast his CT on her. no middle ground. Nanami sees it as a way to show her respect.

Nanami is a control freak and overprotective, who does not hesitate to use the Gaslight to make Necro listen to him and do what he tells her. Higuruma only sees it as a necessary means of protecting their daughter.

As you can see, Necro has nowhere to turn within her captivity, she has no allies. which is frustrating to say the least.

Even if Necro manages to negotiate things like going to the academy or going out under certain conditions, she is ALWAYS under the gaze of one of the two.

and honestly it's too much.

This is where Necro's confident adults come in.

In general, thanks to Nanami and Higuruma, Necro has no IDEA what a safe adult is like or how she should say that she is in a horrible situation because thanks to all the shit they put her through, she has it super normalized.

But she ends up naturally gravitating toward people who give her the security that Higuruma and Nanami don't, the security that she CRAVES to have at that moment.

Considering Nanami and Higuruma's overprotectiveness, I imagine that Necro not only tries not to get hurt, but is PANIC about going to see Shoko at first because her "parents" could use her injuries as an excuse to get her out of the school, aka taking away the little freedom she has.

Obviously Shoko realizes this even without being told, but at first she doesn't do anything because she can't clearly distinguish what Necro is so afraid of.

Maybe even Shoko thinks it's just the shock of having faced a curse and thinks she's being dramatic.

but when she continues to see her and continues to have that panic, Shoko notices something strange here.

Shoko is more open to asking questions and finding out what's wrong with Necro, even threatening to tell her parents if she doesn't tell her about her situation.

and when does he find out? She is very disappointed in Nanami.

We could say that Shoko hides any type of trace or evidence that Necro was ever in the infirmary, so Higuruma and Nanami cannot take her out of school because of how "dangerous it is" and even recommend her to rise in rank.

She is a safe adult in the sense that she hides and helps Necro from the shadows, incognito.

If we go with Kusakabe, Necro is most likely from Kyoto then.

and having a rather strange technique like Necromancy, he was required to have a private teacher, who turned out to be Kusakabe.

Now, Kusakabe is definitely a pretty mediocre teacher compared to others, but at least with his private students (Necro, Miwa) he does decent jobs.

so he would be frankly impressed by Necro's level in his CT.

but he would be more impressed (in a bad way) when he finds out that Necro's "parents" want to remove her from the institution for no reason.

Besides, he is not stupid, he realizes Necro's rejection of the topic of parents, so he thinks that Necro's parents are surely abusive in some way.

He is the one who most openly tries to help and protect Necro, whether it be giving her a place to go after classes, taking her out to eat at practice, or covering her with Nanami and Higuruma.

They are definitely both very upset about this.

I mean, they just learned to get along and Necro comes out with this?

they definitely try to use victim blaming on the situation, but neither Shoko nor Kusakabe will let them.

Nanami knows that they can't touch Shoko without the jujutsu authorities coming down on them for killing their only healer, and even if Kusakabe isn't as strong as him, it definitely doesn't make him any less of a danger to them.

Higuruma could be more impulsive and directly try to go after Kusakabe's head, but he knows that if he does (either of them honestly), Necro would hate them for LIFE, leaving them at square one of the relationship.

and as I made clear in a previous post, these bastards are very codependent on Necro and her attention, if you deny it long enough, they could easily go crazy.

although in part it could also cause them to make more arbitrary and not so good decisions...if y'know what i mean...

It's a big mess. and Necro is right in the center.

good luck!

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Collage kicking my ass, wish me luckಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

[darloe]

I was listening to some of Lenny Bruce’s old sets, as one does, and even got to the Steve Allen part, and let me tell you this. First off, because I know how some people can misunderstand words easily, I love Lenny Bruce.

Both Luke Kirby’s characterization and the actual person.

Second, that real life version was not as cool and slick as you were made to believe through your modern eyes. Especially at Playboy’s Penthouse.

He seems like the average middle school boy to me and with that mindset, everything he said was just 10x times funnier. Like, he’s not funny to us modern day people but he’s definitely made me laugh more times than I thought.

Anyways, don’t even have to tell me, I’m sure Lenny Bruce was considered the coolest cat in those times. But, in this era, he is very much like a middle school boy. He’s also way more sassier than I originally thought.

Also!

Why does man have his butt cheeks out!?

They lookin finda firm and pert though, not gonna lie I’d like to squeeze that juicy thang…

Okay I’m done, you can lock me up too.

[morningstar-chronicles]

do you have any agreste family headcanons for your dr?

definitely! but what kind largely depends on the DR, i think. i only have one miraculous DR listed on my pinned, but i have several kicking around in my head. so i'll just give you all of my headcanons! keep in mind i stopped watching the actual show a long time ago lmao

case #1: adrien and julian

despite adrien actually being older, julian acts older. adrien is still very much in the mindset of "i want to make my father proud!" and julian is kind of trying to act as a better role model for adrien to aspire to.

julian frequently dyes his hair loud colours and pierced his septum against parental consent (this is actually how he got the bull miraculous, which is a nose ring. master fu is the one who pierced julian's nose).

adrien wants to be a good role model for julian, and julian does want to look up to him to some extent, but their dynamic is very complicated considering how differently they feel about their father.

julian has wayyy more freedom than adrien (mostly because last time gabriel said no to something, julian pierced his septum. adrien would never).

julian models casual lineups for gabriel, and adrien models business and formal stuff. julian would have a lot more fun modelling for marinette though, since his style just doesn't match gabriel at all, and would probably completely turn on gabriel fashion as a company for one chocolate chip cookie. he absolutely fucks with marinette's ideas though- especially anything inspired by jagged stone.

despite looking like he would listen to emo or punk rock music -which he definitely does- he also hardcore vibes to taylor swift and other pop songs. once he stops doing things exclusively to piss off gabriel (i.e. once gabriel is dead) he gets into indie music and everything about him completely softens. he's a huge puppy dog.

julian gets perms. he also wears glasses (his father prefers him in contacts and makes him wear them for photoshoots).

adrien and julian are often forced to go to galas. their father doesn't attend with them. julian only goes if he can bring a friend, otherwise nathalie will have to drag a ragdoll julian into the car, and then julian lays on the floor of wherever the gala is until nathalie drags his ragdoll ass back home again. it's just a really bad look for the agrestes, honestly.

julian doesn't like felix. felix loves him like a brother. sometimes felix pretends to be adrien just so julian will tolerate him for a day. truthfully, julian doesn't like felix because he sees a lot of the things he doesn't like about himself in felix. he doesn't want to end up like that.

case #2: emilie's fertility treatments

this DR/AU stems from the popular headcanon that adrien is a sentimonster (did they make this canon??) because emilie had trouble conceiving- except instead of using dark magic, emilie just went to a fertility clinic like a normal person.

this resulted in five kids- the triplets (adrien, chase, and beau), and the twins (julian and emmy).

emilie was super excited to have all these kids, but died pretty promptly after the twins were born, so now they're all gabriel's problem.

adrien is the sweet summer child we all know him to be, and julian is of course julian.

emmy is julian's twin sister, and the only agreste girl. she's sporty and she's fun, and she's always nice to everyone. she and abby would be good friends!

chase is like adrien if adrien was kind of a dick. like, chase isn't actually rude or mean or anything, but he has sort of that energy to him where he probably would have been a bully in middle school and then grown out of it later in life. that is, if he ever went to school.

chase is a full-time model, and honestly has no interest in doing anything different. he's a nepo baby at it's finest. the only reason he would ever go to school is to make friends his age, but the condition of that would be keeping his grades up. besides, chase and chloe actually are good friends.

beau on the other hand is super interested in learning, but has no interest in making friends. he's extremely introverted and prefers to work on his own. he also doesn't go to public school.

adrien and chase are both models. beau is not. when he was little, gabriel tried to get them in triplet photoshoots and beau bit him. chase thought it was funny and considered also biting gabriel, but he actually likes all the attention he gets from modelling so he didn't.

adrien likes to braid emmy's hair. he learned to do a bunch of intricate styles so she could feel pretty even while they're not modelling.

emmy and chase model sports clothing, adrien and emmy model formal, business, and casual clothing, and again, julian models the most casual lineups.

gabriel cannot force all five kids to go, especially with no handler adult present. adrien, emmy, and chase go. sometimes julian goes just because he wants to bring me with him to impress me lmao 😭.

bonus: general headcanons, applicable to any miraculous DR

gabriel is a natural brunet. his hair is just white because he's old.

nathalie is working with gabriel because she's in love with emilie, not actually gabriel himself.

adrien views nathalie as his stepmom because he thinks she's in love with gabriel (gabriel also thinks this, but they're both wrong).

gabriel handed the butterfly miraculous down to lila because he views her as an apprentice. not quite like a daughter, because he does actively akumatize her and let her be in danger frequently, but he views adrien as a mirror of emilie and lila as a mirror of himself, and wants to be able to live vicariously through them. it's really weird and messed up.

hot take- i feel like emilie also wouldn't have been all that great of a parent. adrien is super attached to her obviously, but she would have been super fake and treated her kids more like accessories or therapists than kids. so, marginally better than gabe, but... still a pretty fucked up dynamic.

adrien has dimples, which he inherited from emilie. felix also has dimples, which he inherited from amelie. the only differences between them physically are that felix is slightly paler and adrien's hair has a slight wave to it that felix's doesn't have naturally. felix is also ever so slightly taller- only about a half-inch. only marinette and kagami can spot these differences.

this is either way more than you were expecting or not what you were looking for, but i had fun writing it!

[necroromantics]

Hey hey tomb is there anything more about tobin?? We need more of him plss he is so cooll we love him so much pls spill we're listening:3

*puppy eyes*

UHHHH I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY SPECIFICALLY... Heres a bunch of random facts though... If you want me to expand on anything specifically lmk (None of these are particularly relevant to the plot of Creepedverse, if you wanna know more about that feel free to leave an ask on the account @creepedverse )

-He has a little sister named Emily. Shes 8 years younger than Tobin. The last time he saw her was before he killed his father. He was 17, she was 9.

-His mother dealt with severe mental health issues all his life, and his father was heavy into drugs and alcohol. Tobin was really the only one who raised Emily. He would steal chocolate bars from the store to give her, cook her supper, get her ready for school, etc

-Tobin knows how to braid hair. He learned one night after his mom yelled at Emily when she asked her to braid her hair. He took his crying sister into his room and spent an hour trying to figure it out for her

-He used to run away all the time, or would get kicked out, but always ended up back home. Either he calmed down, his mother calmed down, or the cops dragged him back without asking why he ran away in the first place

-Tobin is very interested in guns. Something he picked up from his father. He likes older models the most

-His favourite music artists are Green Day, The Offspring, Three Days Grace, Alice In Chains, Aerosmith, Eminem, and NWA

-Despite being insensitive and callous, he's very loyal and very protective of the people he likes. But he's insanely picky on who he deems worth his time and energy

-Tobin is awful with emotions. He doesn't like when people vent to him, he never knows what to say, and he doesn't really care about their problems

-Being in and out of school his whole life, Tobin is very set back on his education. He barely even knew how to read until Tali taught him. She was his tutor in high school, which caused a lot of arguments between the two hotheads

-He's good with his hands. He steals bikes and takes them apart for scraps. He's also very into welding and later in life, he'd spend his time in chop shops fixing up or taking apart busted cars

-Tobin is very unserious and goofy. 99% of the shit he does is because he thinks its funny or entertaining. He has a mindset of "nothing matters", to a fault. He finds it very difficult to understand why others might take certain things seriously, or be hurt by things

-He's a troublemaker from birth. Always starting fights, running his mouth, getting his shit rocked. Tobin is not one to hold his tongue for the sake of peace. If someone has a problem with him, thats their issue, not his

-Before he killed his dad, Tobin was pretty well known by the local cops (small town). They'd sometimes drive past and ask if he was staying out of trouble. Nobody was really surprised when they heard about what he did

-He has untreated bipolar disorder (not borderline.) and goes fucking insane for a week or two every so often. Tali can always tell when he's heading for an episode before he can, and is always there to help him out

-He got the scar on his mouth from being attacked by a dog when he was 8

-He doesn't have a middle name

-Tobin carries his backpack with him everywhere. It holds his entire life (Wallet, switchblade, cigarettes, candy bars)

-He skates (board) and has busted his ass more times than he can count

-Freedom is the most important thing to him. The only thing in the entire world that he'd ever even consider giving up his freedom for is Tali. Anything for her

-His love language is acts of service. Heavily. He wont buy people gifts or say nice things to them or spend time with them, but if they need help with something, he's there, he'll do it in a heartbeat, whatever they need

-He's a big hypeman and likes encouraging people. On his good days, he's funny, outgoing, and optimistic

-On his bad days, he's a piece of shit who'll blow up on anyone, do anything he can to cause problems, put others down. He'll lash out, hit where it hurts. Horribly self destructive

-Tobins favourite colours are orange, blue, green, in that order

-He was really into dinosaurs as a kid. His favourite dinosaur is the bruhathkayosaurus

-He's very open-minded, like this guy does NOT care at all about what someone else is doing. He was raised to always mind his own business, let people do their thing, and he kept that mindset growing up. To a fault. He doesn't care if someone is a killer, sexist, gay, a furry, conservative, a cannibal, whatever. He has his own views, and does not care enough to be bothered by other peoples

-Despite being very morally skewed and being a chronic idgafer, Tobin is fiercely against harming, and people who harm, children and women (Physically. He doesn't care about emotional). He grew up defending his little sister and sometimes his mother from his father. He thinks people who prey on those weaker than them are pussies, and always stands up for the smaller guy

-Due to this, Tobin tends to pick fights with people who are bigger than him, or people who he views as a threat. Authority, people who act tough, disrespect him, etc. He'll pistol whip a guy twice his size he does NOT have any regards for his own limits or safety

-He was close with his grandma growing up. He's a grandmas boy. She never really knew all the things he was up to (drugs, selling, fights), but she's been around for a long time so she always had a feeling. One of the things he thinks about from time to time is how he never got to say goodbye to her before he ditched town

-Tobin had a few close encounters with death. Almost getting his brains blown out, accidentally overdosing, nearly drowning. The feeling right before you're about to die is something he's well acquainted with

-He's big into anarchy and knows how to make various bombs. Never gets around to it though. He doesn't trust his knowledge in chemistry enough to not blow himself up

-He does boxing when he needs to blow off some steam

[delopsia]

i don’t remember if we ever see rhett’s truck parked in with the rest of his family’s, but wouldn’t it be interesting* (*sad) that he parks so far away because growing up he used to just up and leave? like, go for drives whenever he wanted just around wabang or the surrounding rural roads and whatnot? maybe even to the next town or towns over if it was early enough and had free time? never too alarmingly far away, but just to get away because he finally could? he bought that truck fair and square with his own money and his own labor.

he made royal (specifically) and cecilia nervous with his coming and going.

he always got his work and his chores done, and was always (mostly) at school when he needed to be, so they didn’t really have grounds to punish him. but one day cecilia brought it up like “rhett we’d like you to stay in tonight, okay? no more driving around at all hours...”

rhett just kinda rolls his eyes and nods to humor her, like, i’m eighteen now, ma.

until he goes out that night because he can’t sleep and sees he’s been boxed in.

the visual of it at first is jarring because cecilia had been so calm in her request that he didn’t realize it was actually a demand? or maybe she didn’t trust him to listen so she had the rest of their family try to physically keep him there at home with them...

it took a little maneuvering; he hit perry’s truck behind him and just barely missed the front edge of the house, but he got out—and maybe he stayed out? maybe it was summer vacation and he stayed with a friend from school who was still around.

cecilia did worry about where her youngest was, while ultimately being preoccupied with amy—but royal? royal just realized how much harder it was going to be to keep rhett down.

Now this is a hell of a concept omg 🌷forgive me, I got...a little too carried away with the concept of Rhett running away from home 💃

There's a very, very brief instance in episode 5 when Cecelia catches Autumn snooping around in their house, where you can very briefly see Rhett's truck sitting next to Cecelia's. But I think that's the only time he parks near them? And it's the middle of the day, so he may not even be parked there for long.

I only knew this because a while back, I spent a few hours trying to identify the make and year of his truck. General consensus: It's a 2nd Gen GMC Sierra 1500, made between 1999 and 2006. Regular cab with Indigo Blue Metallic paint.

Rhett just? Out? Wandering around in his truck? Finally, no longer restricted to the few miles his old horse and his own two feet can take him? 😭 Behind the wheel of his old new truck is the most amount of control he's ever had in his life; Royal isn't there to chastise him for small details, Cecelia isn't nervously breathing down his neck, doesn't have to worry about Perry reporting him to Royal. He's free to explore for the first time, venturing down roads just to see where they take him,

I like to think he was clever and made sure the vehicle was put in his name so that his parents couldn't take it and hold it over his head for punishment. And he's lucky he did it because Royal's grappling for control over him again, loading him down with extra work in hopes of tiring him into staying home, and Cecelia's of the 'you're up to no good if you're out past 8PM' mindset.

And now, all of a sudden, the ladies in her bible study are talking about how someone saw Rhett at the gas station at 11PM, saying how the devil is getting ahold of her youngest. And Cecelia's poor religious heart is so worried about what others think of her parenting that she tightens the reins on Rhett. But Rhett's always been one to resist, so while he's in the shower, the rest of the Abbotts play a game of car shuffle and box him in.

The problem is that they've literally raised their boys to use their heads to get out of a bind...and that morning, Cecelia walks into the kitchen to find Perry just "😑told you it wouldn't work." And a part of me thinks that Perry saw him leave, but this is one of his rare moments where he understands just how suffocating their parents can be, so he lets Rhett go. And at the end of the day, he's got a toddler to look after; he doesn't have the time nor the energy to police his grown-ass, little brother.

Omg, wait, wait, wait, Rhett, having a little summer adventure? 💃

I have this useless little headcanon that, because of Rhett having a June birthday, he was one of the youngest in his grade. He didn't turn eighteen until nearly a month after he'd graduated from high school, and that is the only reason he graduated in the first place. So maybe this gives him a big, "Well, I'm eighteen now. I can do whatever the hell I want!" moment.

As soon as he realized he was boxed in, he packed a bag and left with the intention of never coming back ❤ He crashes on a friend's couch for a few nights before wandering out into the world. Venturing down strange highways and into cities he's never seen before, and within a few weeks, makes a connection that gets him a job at a cattle ranch. Pays better than Royal ever did, and he makes a new friend that helps him sneak back to Wabang to nab his horse. There isn't a way in hell that he's leaving his baby back there for long.

He stays there for months, doing his own thing and feeling sore about how he left things back home. But he's enjoying himself. Taking late-night rides with new friends, exploring new places and things. He takes up steer wrestling, some old timer teaches him to play the harmonica, and he tries sushi for the first time.

Back at home, Cecelia reports him as missing because once he came back for his horse, it became very clear that he wasn't planning on coming back. Lying to the police isn't new for them, and they manage to construe a story that gets Wabang PD looking for Rhett.

Rodeo season is the only reason they find him because the one thing eighteen-year-old Rhett cannot give up is bull-riding. And who would have thought that a big News station would be covering one night and that he would wind up being broadcast on every television in the area? Once the police lead Royal to where Rhett's been hiding staying, it's all over.

And maybe the reason he sleeps in his truck is because he's clinging to that little taste of freedom he had when he just turned eighteen...

💃💃🏻💃🏼💃🏽💃🏾💃🏿

[hockeygossipdaily]

https://www.tumblr.com/hockeygossipdaily/759835640064098304/httpswwwtumblrcomhockeygossipdaily7598346517?source=share

I really don’t know much about her now. And I’m not one of these people to talk about rumors I’ve heard in present day because it’s none of my business. I’ll answer this one person. And that’s it. I just enjoy hockey gossip, I don’t say anything but this time because I know and knew of both girls I figure it’s a first and last time. Here’s all the high school gossip. That I could remember.

I’m two years younger than Dixie. Many people don’t know that King School was not her first high school. Her parents put her in an upper scale boarding type high school for her freshman year. She has some sort of seizure disorder and people from that high school bullied her relentless about it. She was supposed to graduate in 2019 but it was pushed back a year because her parents took her out of school for six months and placed her a psychiatric hospital basically. All this is public information that she has spoken about while in a school and in the media.

She was a part of field hockey and cross country. My older sister was on the cross country team and interacted with Dixie a handful of times. At the time Dixie was dating a basketball player from her previous school. My sister noted to me back then that she was always “trying” to be black. I think everyone knows that Dixie loves rap music, but it was also the way she dressed and talked back then. At that time her dad was running for local office and her vibe really didn’t fit the perfect republican daughter image. B-Rad is a nickname from a movie. It’s basically a person who exemplifies a caricature version of black culture. Her teammates in field hockey gave her that name.

Minor detail, she and Kate became friends my Freshman year coming into King. They both got suspended for fighting in gym bathroom over this roach looking guy. It was big drama for weeks. Their parents forced them to be friends. Kate used to get bullied for dating boys that were already taken. Dixie saved her from getting beat up many times. They both drank a lot and smoke a good amount of weed on the weekends and during parties. Typical Norwalk/ Stamford behavior. In high school she wasn’t mean to anyone. People liked her or couldn’t stand her. Either was understandable. Her friend group were the drama starters. I personally stood in my own lane and just listened to the gossip but never commented. Also when Charli came to the school in 2018/19, I never saw her or Dixie together besides during field hockey games. I’ve never once interacted with Charli, don’t know anything about her.

Mimi her high school best friend, I know her well. If I’m being honest, in high school Mimi was one of the very few POCs at our school, me also being one of the few. She’s the girl in that unfortunate video that was all over TikTok. I know her and Dixie were friends since middle school and even to the end of high school. They apparently drifted apart. This girl still comes to my family BBQs and we don’t ever talk about Dixie. She’s also been getting freighting DMs since that video. I just want to say they were both extremely ignorant but don’t ever tell anyone to unalive themselves for something they did as a teenager. No one is perfect. There’s people who are able to get out of Norwalk and go to college or whatever and grow away from that privileged suburban mindset. Or there’s people who move out and lean into it more.

Anything beyond 2019/2020, I know certain things that happened that I will not share. Private things within the D’Amelio family. That’s all I got for y’all. I’m going back into my cave.

Thank you for sharing anon that was more than enough. Greatly appreciated

[genderqueerdykes]

I hope this is alright to ask. I am a perisex trans person and I want to learn and understand. Would you be willing to talk about your identity as a transfeminine person, and why that label speaks to you? So often I see the term being used synonymously with AMAB, and I want to try and break out of that mindset.

hello! i really appreciate you stopping by to ask, that's awesome!

while a huge portion of transfeminine people are AMAB, there are lots of other transfeminine people of varying agabs & intersex people make up a sizeable portion of the community! I'm glad you are trying to expand your mindset, in general, it's important to consider that intersex can and do identify as any queer identity you can think of, and exist in every queer space, so there are always going to be trans men who are not afab and trans women who are not amab!

the reason why i began identifying with the label transfeminine was because of a breakthrough moment i had while hanging out with several irl transfem friends and while i was listening to them discuss their relationship with womanhood and seeing people who loved being women and generally speaking just exuded feminine and female energies without it feeling stifled or forced, it helped me get past a lot of my deep rooted internalized misogyny and helped me stop hating the parts of myself that are a woman

they helped me realize that i never hated being a woman or a girl- when i was in middle and high school, i loudly and proudly identified as a girl, then woman. i never realized that it wasn't me who hated being a woman, but rather, it was society that hated me for being a woman in my body. before puberty, people were relatively okay with gendering me as a girl, though some didn't bcus of how i acted. however, once i hit puberty, it divided people.

some people would come up to me and say "you're not a real girl, you can't wear makeup," or "you're not a girl, why are you carrying a purse?", things like that. i also got "you're not a real boy, stop dressing like that", "you dyke/butch/bulldyke"'d a lot as well, because people just could not decide on what my gender was, if i even had one.

it took me years to cope with the fact that i was heavily targeted by transmisogyny, however, and to realize that i have been treated like a trans girl my entire life due to my naturally masculine features from living in a high T intersex body. i wasn't rly allowed to cope with the fact that i wasn't allowed to be a girl, because i had started associating myself so heavily with misogynistic men at the time that it made it harder.

i've realized now i do not have a cisgender relationship with womanhood, and i never will. i have always existed in a high T body, once puberty happened, my gender became an anomaly, and a point of distress for others. i have had to fight tooth and nail to be seen as a woman or feminine in a way that is respectful and flattering. i have a feminine deadname and people still give me trouble.

anyway, hope that answers some of your questions! it's very hard for intersex people to easily define our experiences, as we often time experience numerous types of oppression or violence and don't realize that we have internalized a lot of hatred because of other people's prejudices. if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! take care!

[neptunzs]

⊠    ɪᴅ  .  .  .  ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ    ››    mercy  headquarters  is  pleased  to  officially  introduce  MALEE “MAY” PAWITYAKUL.  they  have  been  apart  of  the  organization  for  six  years,  serving  as  A  INTELLIGENCE AGENT  and  has  been  assigned  the  codename  AGENT  NEPTUN.  it's  worth  noting  that  their  file  indicates  they  have  not  undergone  the  solaris  treatment  and  DO  NOT HOST  A  MUTATION.  according  to  our  dossier,  the  agent  exhibits  a  combination  of  ADVENTUROUS and  OVERCRITICAL  traits,  fitting  for  someone  reminiscent  of  the  sight  of  a  soft  hand  offering  help  while  also  wanting  to  fight  in  solitude.  prior  to  embarking  on  any  mission,  they  find  solace  in  listening  to  the  song  “borderline”  by  TAME IMPALA.

template credit: oppalus

GET TO KNOW THE BASICS FIRST !

full name:  malee "may" pawityakul / code name: neptun date of birth:  march 1st, 2023 / age: twenty-six ( 26 ) zodiac sign:  pisces sun, moon and rising to be determined  gender:  cis woman / pronouns: she/her birth place:  bangkok, thailand ( moved to the us during her teen years )occupation: intelligence agent for mercy current location:  apex city, united states family: parents ( both alive ), two siblings languages spoken: thai, english, more tbd

LOOK AT HER… CLOSELY !

height:  1.75m faceclaim:  mint ranchrawee eye color:  brown / hair color: brown dominant hand: right  other notable features: n/a

NEWS WOULD SAY THAT…

people know her as: the girl who is always willing to lend a helping hand. she’s sweet, tries to welcome everyone into her life but she’s also careful and over analyzes everyone before trusting them fully. overcritical of herself, not others. into risk-taking and new adventures. 

BACKGROUND AND OTHER FUN FACTS…

born in thailand but raised in california during her teen years;

grew up with a middle child mindset of being mostly ignored by her parents and literally doing whatever and still not being good enough for their standards;

the type of girl that would fight off bullies with the most serious face but was also known as the sweet, all smiley, princess that everyone loved and looked for when needed help;

started doing soft hacking and coding when she was still in high school, mostly as a way of revenge/finding out stuff of those bothering her or her friends/siblings ( she did get in trouble in the beginning because god knows, she knew shit about what she was doing );

but may truly never had many goals in life and barely even knew what she wanted to do when she reached the age to get into college. eventually was doing freelancing ( programming ) after she finished high school, much to her parents disappointment;

not having many goals and into exploring new things: may thought it’d be worth a try, when she was reached by mercy, even if she didn’t get in. the main goal of the organization kinda spoke to her heart and she thought it’d be cool to be somewhat of a hero ( of course she didn't really think much about how it'd be a tough journey at first )

went through her training and her junior agent era and then joined the intel division ( it all made sense, she didn't even complain )

i kinda had usagi from alice in borderland in mind when i thought about her personality because in my mind she wants to help others and she’s probably the first one to offer help to anyone new in the organization and all that but, at the same time, she works super well alone. she wants to fight the bad and bring good things to those who need it. she wants people to feel understood and to feel like they have someone to count on. may is very passionate about those things. and she’s super nice and sweet but also very strong and direct when needed to be.

she crochets to get over the stress, just a fun fact. she is very nerdy in the sense that she knows too many useless facts about a lot of stuff, so i had in mind that her code name came from that, facts that she would probably let out during the day about planets and stars ( but she wanted to be cool and so it became neptun and not neptune... because the e makes a huge difference lmfao... i totally didn't make a typo in the app... totally! )

didn't take the solaris drug because, despite being very intro trying things and into adventures, the thought of having a superpower of some kind scared her way too much

WANTED CONNTECTIONS…

will be adding them, little by little !

[floralcrematorium]

1, 10, aaand 4 :3

Thanks for the ask!!! I uh. Go on a big ramble so I'm throwing everything under the cut!

Do you relate to your favorite character(s)?

Yes and no.

My fondness for China and Norway isn't one based on their characters because I haven't fleshed them out (yet) in my head. I have no idea how to write for either of them! I genuinely would love to spend a day cooking, painting, or just talking with Yao. I yearn for platonic companionship and Yao isn't chaotic and we share similar interests. Our aesthetic interests are very different, but oh well!

I don't know what Lukas has to offer tbh, he's entirely eye candy to me (sobbing).

My fondness for France and Ukraine has to do with self imposed headcanons.

My Francis is honestly probably ooc -- but I don't care. I have taken these guys and run away with them. A lot of my Hetalia writing is Human AU because I have a hard time connecting with immortal creatures as someone who cannot see what even the next year of their own life looks like. I guess what Francis and I share is a fondness for food and art (like with Yao), but those aren't activities I would want to do with Francis. We can both be dramatic, I will over-dress just to go out with a friend, and we're both a bit pathetic. While my Francis isn't like early canon France (you know what I mean...), he's still a romantic. I am not.

I don't think it's a necessarily rare headcanon, but I see Miss Ukraine as fat. She's plus size to me and that's something we share. I've been wanting to write a Kateryna centric oneshot about the difficulties and mental struggles that come with shopping as a fat person, but I haven't been in a reading/writing mindset recently and this topic would be a bit taxing on me. One day, though!! I'm still formulating my characterization of her... CanUkr oneshot is STILL in development hell.

TLDR: Yes because I impose bits of myself onto Francis and Kateryna for RP and writing purposes and also for comfort. No because a good handful of my favorites (including some not named) are just little guys I'd like to put in a shoebox and shake around.

10. How long have you been in the fandom? What's your lore?

In 7th grade a friend told me I might like Hetalia because I liked geography and history was my strongest subject in school. I cannot remember when exactly I checked it out, but I definitely was into by Spring 2014. I literally have emails from back then of memes we exchanged...

My best friend and I met online at the end of that school year and we actually started talking because he played this video over skype screen share. Fast forward to the summer and I'm drawing, writing fic, and we made our Hetalia Instagram account. There were three of us. It was essentially just a repost account because we were all in middle school. I never really interacted with others from the fandom other than the two friends I ran the account with, both of whom I still talk to <3

Our instagram account died off sometime around 2018. We deleted it around 2020-2021.

I came back to Hetalia by a freak accident. I was going through my old google drive and rediscovered the three-way-POV fic my friends and I wrote and immediately ran into our group chat. It was a bad fic. Basically Hetalia in the setting of Outlast meets FNAF vibes. Yes, it was a Wattpad fic... (now deleted). We made the joke of rewriting it, but that thought only lasted for one night. Then out of curiosity I got back into listening to the official character songs, and that's what did it for me... (shoutout to "Aiyah, 4,000 Years," "Mein Gott," "Overflowing Passion," "Maji Kandou ☆ Hong Kong Night," and the Hetaloid song "Brother Complex").

Got back into reading fic. Somehow I went through my original stint in the fandom without reading "Gutters" and that's what pulled me back into fanfic. Made an A03. Eventually figured, why the hell not, and made a Hetalia Tumblr so I could stop using my personal account.

I did have that hiatus, but I guess I could say I've been into Hetalia for 10 years now, which is nuts. I definitely had a period of regret and revulsion from 2019-2022, but still kept up with "oh, they made a new season" or revisiting some old art.

4. What's a headcanon you need to work out?

A lot of my headcanons have to do with Human AU FACE fam because I use them to cope with things, but I guess something that's been on my mind lately is the Tudor dynasty. My senior thesis, far before I got back into Hetalia, was actually supposed to be about the Tudors, but I abandoned it for something else. I recently got a book about the entire dynasty for my birthday and have yet to take a peek at it. I would love to write a fic where France or Marianne visits England over several Christmases to explore the relationship of Arthur/Francis or Alice/Marianne as England & France's relationship changes through the changing of the monarchs and especially as Henry VIII cycles through wives like calendars. I have to do research about it, though. I need to see how realistic it would be considering the on-again-off-again relationship between England and France (1520 The Field Of The Cloth Of Gold meeting vs Henry wanting to prove his military strength and trying to invade France). Funnily enough, I know almost nothing about France in the 15th and 16th centuries outside of :

1. Mary Tudor's [Henry VIII's sister, not his daughter, Mary I] brief stint as Queen Consort of France & Anne Boleyn's subsequent time at the French court as a lady in waiting to Mary

2. how Henry VIII repeatedly used war against France as an attempt to prove his strength [eyeroll]

To be honest, that fic is entirely an excuse to explore the different influence each of Henry's queens has over the court through various means. I don't think anyone else would really be interested though, so it may be something I keep to myself.

Hetalia Ask Game

[sebitorres]

Welcome to Aurora Bay, SEBASTIAN SEBI TORRES! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like DAVID CASTAÑEDA. You must be the THIRTY FIVE year old BOUNCER AT OASIS & MONEY LAUNDERER. Word is you’re CHARISMATIC but can also be a bit COCKY and your favorite song is HYPNOTIZE BY THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. I also heard you’ll be staying in OCEAN CREST APARTMENTS.

GENERAL DETAILS.

BIRTH NAME: sebastian "sebi" torrres AGE: thirty five DATE OF BIRTH: 28th of july 1988 PLACE OF BIRTH: east los angeles, california, usa ETHNICITY: mexican GENDER: cis male PRONOUNS: he/him ORIENTATION: panromantic / pansexual RELIGION: grew up catholic OCCUPATION: bouncer at oasis & money launderer

PERSONALITY.

POSITIVE TRAITS: charismatic & enigmatic NEGATIVE TRAITS: cocky & reckless MYERS BRIGGS: ESFP

THE RUNDOWN.

Sebi grew up in a loving family of 5 kids, and was his mothers favourite, though she’d never admit it if asked. But Sebi knew, he got away with a lot more than what his siblings ever could. But thats not to say he didn’t have a good relationship with his brothers and sister either, they also enabled their little brothers double standard as he was always good to them. He loved them, and they loved him, and were the only people he'd allow to call him Sebastian. At school Sebi was known as the class clown, despite being a smart kid he didn’t really care that much about formal education. This was probably the only actor of Sebi’s life his mother disapproved of, but the boy had big plans to use his charisma, charm, and wit to build himself an empire. In whatever capacity that meant. Some would say Sebi was cocky, and in a way that’s true.

The boy knew that out in the big wide world people were cruel, and looked down upon the smaller fish in society. If no one else outside of Sebi family would have faith in him, then he would build up his own self worth. No one else was going to save Sebi out of the comfort of his family home, but himself. This new mindset would be pinnacle in the events that led him from humble suburbs of los angeles lined by your regular middle class homes, to the bright lights of the big city itself. Sebi moved to work on whatever job he could get his hands on, he made sure not to be picky. He’d butter up rich housewives with compliments, and schmooze with their wealthy businessmen husbands so they kept him around, eventually asking him to do more higher paid jobs.

Now Sebi could of stopped here, he wasn’t rich but he was living a reasonably comfortable life at this stage. But it wouldn’t be enough, not while he saw bigger dollar signs that could be made. The more time he spent around these families, the more he was invited to work at their more private events, getting closer to his dream targets and closer until he was finally given an invitation as a friend. The work he was putting in was exhausting, often back breaking, Sebi’s family barely saw him at this time for almost half a year, but he promised them that he had a goal he was working towards — and he was going to reap the rewards. They seemed pleased, but a little confused. Things started to slow down for Manny after the first year of breaking the first layer of the rich families of LA, and he wondered whether they’d no longer have a use for him, which meant the end to his revenue stream. They’d outsource work, or close down their businesses, leaving Sebi to have to rethink his strategy.

After a few months of waiting, Sebi moved to Aurora Bay and got a job at Oasis as a bouncer, deciding he needed a safety net to fall back on. While working there, many of his old employers would greet him as they visited town. Some also moving for a seachange. Listening to the conversations of his drunk former employers, he heard something very very interesting. A family he had bonded with worked in finance, but had never exactly divulged on what exactly they did. Apparently they needed someone to ‘do the cleaning’ ever once in a while — very vague. Sebi took this opportunity to gently assert himself back into these peoples radars. That’s when they asked if he could help them with a part time, under the table, and very high stake task. They knew they could trust Sebi had no reason to sell them out. All he wanted was a healthy revenue stream for himself, and to send back to his family to make their lives easier. It took a moment for the penny to drop on what they meant. Money Laundering. Out of all the jobs Sebi had picked up in his life, they were all legal, all above board. It left him unsure on whether this was a line he was willing to risk.

While he had developed a good relationship with these people, he didn’t entirely trust them to help him if he got caught. At the end of the day, Sebi knew he was expendable to them. They asked him to think about it. A week later, Matthee texted the family with a simple response: ‘i’ll do it.” It shocked Sebi, after a bit of practice, how simple the process was. While working his job as a bouncer, he’d occasionally get a text to meet his secret employers. He’d acquire the dirty money from them, and integrate it into the financial system via a multitude of accounts. It was often very hard to keep up with the amount of accounts they had active in this scheme. Then, he’d layer with clean money to break connection to the source. Eventually, the money would then be used by his employers in the commercial system. Sebi couldn’t believe his eye’s when he saw his first payment for his efforts, and suddenly, the fear of getting caught was suddenly overshadowed by the fact this could be his ticket to reaching the goal he had as a young boy.

That’s if he kept playing his cards right.

THE RUNDOWN.

current connections.

Bromance and employee of @borawinters Coworker of @callme-harris, @ulyflynn, @lorelailewis, @maviscampbell, @xoimani, & @scottienolan Coffee shop friend of @samucl-kane Friend and mild flirtation of @xlalitax Babysitter for @delilahcarreno Friend of @lucianaxalvarez

wanted connections.  ( wip )

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