#literally one of the post impactful series in my life.

[shummthechumm]

WE OUTSIDE

dedication under the cut:

i originally started this just a few days before janice burgess passed away. if you have been following me for a while, you'd know that the backyardigans is still one of my all time favorite shows to this day: a major brainworm ive had since i was first popped out the womb.

she had such a huge hand in me and my siblings childhoods outside of backyardigans, as well, and i cant understate how much it means to me to see a black woman have such a major role in various popular animated franchises.

RIP to one of my greatest animation inspos, ESPECIALLY when it comes to children's entertainment. the fact that mrs. burgess passed on the day before my birthday hurts especially, so i dedicate this drawing to her! i would not be who i am w/o these goobers, so thank you

[hausofneptune]

songs that give the same energy as these aspects/placements [3]

[astro notes no. 009]

hey! i'm back with part three of this series bc i'm having far too much fun with these posts (click here for part one and part two). as a pisces sun/mercury i'm trying to use more upbeat songs and less of the "sad and yearning" ass songs i always listen to, as always keep in mind that the energy for these aspects/placements manifests differently for everyone. if y'all have any input, or music recommendations, feel free to let me know! ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. ༄.

disclaimers | masterlist | ask

18+, mdni

 ༊*·˚ ˗ aquarius in big 6 | uranus / saturn aspecting ascendant / sun | uranus / saturn in the 1H: alien superstar — beyoncé

mastermind in haute couture label whores can't clock, i'm so obscure masterpiece, genius, drip intravenous patty cake on that wrist tiffany blue billboards over that ceiling we don't like plain, always dreamed of paper planes mile-high when i rodeo then i come down and take off again

(alien superstar is literally the theme song for aquarians, uranians, and saturnians. i don't make the rules.) people with these placements typically grow up feeling ostracized by others and find it difficult to fit in with their peers, almost as though they’re “from another planet” in a sense, as their worldview completely contrasts with the perspectives of those around them. there’s usually something about them categorizes them as “different”, or even weird or eccentric in some cases. in the end, though, the things that make these natives “outcasts” are ultimately their greatest assets. i feel like people can conflate the restrictive nature of saturn so much so to the point where we forget that saturn is the ruler of time.

hence why over time saturnian people become experts in the areas of their life and personality that the planet is affecting. specifically, people with saturn aspecting the ascendant or sun, or with saturn in their 1H, typically struggle with self expression and their identity. they can also struggle in terms of feeling like the weight of the world is on their shoulders, due to being perceived as responsible and accountable for everything and everyone around them. fortunately, with age (and self-realization) that weight forges them into individuals who’s originality and self-assurance is something that’s admired, and potentially envied, by those around them. overall, these natives are pioneers within their fields, and more often than not the ones to set trends instead of following them.

 ༊*·˚ ˗ moon in the 12H (synastry): dreams — baby storme

they ask me "where have you been?" and i wanna say but they won't understand that i've been in my dreams i lay here all alone and watch the time go on i see you in my dreams and that's enough for me

12H synastry tends to be spiritual in nature. because the 12H houses the needs and desires that lay in our subconscious, when someone’s moon falls there it can often result in a connection that feels very “dreamy” in a sense, and can quite literally manifest as them showing up in your dreams. this can be especially impactful if you’re someone who has vivid, lucid dreams, as it can result in being able to visit the person you have this connection with in the astral realm, or vice versa. while this can be a very deep, soulful connection, it can also manifest as having an emotional connection with someone that feels too elusive at times.

if one or both people in this connection aren’t evolved enough in a spiritual sense to handle moon in the 12H synastry, it can definitely lead to feeling as though one or both people hide their feelings from the other, resulting in feelings of deceit or betrayal between the two. i feel like 12H synastry is very beautiful and deep when both parties can handle it (similar to 8H synastry), but it can be very difficult to energetically cut ties with someone that you have this synastry with.

༊*·˚ ˗ venus square / opposite mars (synastry / natal): modennaminute — smino ft. lucky daye, phoelix

i just bought you new cartiers now you crying in it and now it's hard to walk away 'cause we blind in it don't know when to quit, my love never should’ve crossed that line you said i’m the shit, my love then tell me i ain't shit, my love

in synastry, venus square or opposite mars can indicate both deep desire and attraction, as well as a love/hate relationship between the two natives. the square/opposition between these two planets can definitely ignite a passionate, sexual nature in this relationship, and can potentially influence one or both people (typically the mars person) to behave in possessive or jealous ways at times. specifically with the opposition, there can be a tug of war in terms of energy, and while having this aspect alone in a synastry chart isn't the end all be all (the entire chart, alongside the individual charts, must be considered), it has the potential to manifest as an on-again-off-again relationship.

with the square, there's more of a conflict in timing/tastes. while mars may be more aggressive or rough in their approach, it may turn venus off, as venus may want something more sensual and romantic. both parties typically have to sacrifice in some way shape or form and adapt to their partner's wants and needs for the relationship to work. in the natal chart, the square / opposition is indicative of someone who may struggle in love due to an inner conflict between their feminine/nocturnal and masculine/diurnal energies. these natives typically find it difficult to exist in relationships without turmoil, and may have to work towards balancing both the venus and mars energy they house within themselves.

༊*·˚ ˗ saturn / neptune / chiron in the 11H: friends that break your heart — james blake

and they tell you "just you wait it kills you, and only love can break you more the more you care and all, and all in love is fair" but it's not fair i have haunted many photographs in the background, in the fore and as many loves that have crossed my path in the end, it was friends it was friends who broke my heart

these placements are indicative of strife or struggle found in one’s ability to form and maintain connections to those around them. these natives usually have to put more effort in facilitating productive and healthy interpersonal relationships, and often feel a sense of "lack" in this area of their lives. those with neptune in the 11H specifically could find themselves in friendships where they feel blindsided or betrayed, or they may behave in ways that their friends perceive as being sneaky or deceptive. with chiron in the 11H, there can be negative experiences surrounding friendships or failed connections. saturn in the 11H can indicate feeling "rejected" or invisible in group settings, especially in youth.

these placements (specifically saturn) may also indicate social anxiousness and a tendency towards being more withdrawn. others may mischaracterize them as being rude or "too aloof", when in reality, these natives genuinely want to connect with others, but feel like they encounter obstacle after obstacle upon trying to do so. despite their challenges, these placements can end up being beneficial in the long run, as they can gift the native with the ability to empower their communities. they can be drawn towards careers where being able to connect with others, regardless of differences, is prioritized (i.e. politics, social work, community organizing, etc). the 11H is also the house of hopes and dreams, therefore someone with the more "progressed" side of these placements will typically feel that their soul's path is deeply ingrained in being able to help, protect, and provide for their loved ones, their community, and the collective at large.

༊*·˚ ˗ ruler of the 7H in 4H / 6H | venus / juno in the 10H: feathers and wax — vicktor taiwò

i'll help you grow we rise in feathers and wax, child don't stray too far we rise in feathers and wax, child i'll help you grow wings that won't burn in the hot sun can't watch you go we rise in feathers and wax, child

people with these placements are typically the types of lovers who seek partners who are reliable enough to build a stable foundation with, and are most drawn to relationships where they're able to build their partner up, and feel that effort reciprocated by their loved one as well. with the ruler of the 7H in the 4H, one's domestic life, family, and lineage is innately integrated into how they navigate partnerships. these natives tend to seek out a partner they feel safe enough to depend on, and may view building a family and a secure home as a high priority. with the ruler of the 7H in the 6H, there's a similar sense of wanting to build with one another, but less in regards to building a home/family and more so in regards to aiding one another in day-to-day responsibilities. these are usually the types who enjoy going to the gym with their partner, running errands with them, and are overall very keen on giving and receiving acts of service. they could also meet their spouse at work or want to work with them in terms of collaboration.

generally, venus in the 10H can manifest as being highly regarded in terms of one's profession, as well as being perceived in a positive light by one's peers. in regards to relationships, venus in the 10H can point to being drawn towards a partner that benefits your own reputation in someway shape or form. as a couple, they may receive a significant amount of attention from others, as the 10H rules the public. alongside juno in the 10H, these natives may meet their spouse in a professional setting, and could even end up working together and becoming business partners later on down the line. there's often a feeling of wanting to be both prosperous in one's own right, alongside wanting a partner that is just as successful and committed to building a life that is balanced, or is at least perceived that way by others.

༊*·˚ ˗ venus in taurus, leo, or libra | venus sextile / trine / conjunct jupiter: angels in tibet — amaarae

fountain baby, wash her, make it wet diamonds hit the sweat tattoo on her chest i like when my remedies connect that pussy and a bed like angels in tibet louvre and armani, i like how you say it feeding me body, i like how you cater i took a trip to the stylist today i spend the bitch like i'm spending the paper, stop

those with venus in taurus, leo, or libra are typically extremely dedicated and loyal to their loved ones. these placements could also make for someone who is deeply enamored by grandiose, material gestures, not necessarily in a materialistic sense (although it can manifest that way), but more so in the sense of wanting to pampered and taken care of by their suitor/partner. venus in taurus / libra can influence the need for interpersonal balance, as well as a craving for a "physical harmony" (especially with taurus). these natives tend to have very high expectations, and find thrill in being "courted" by their love interests, they tend to enjoy giving and receiving gifts as well.

those with venus harmoniously aspecting jupiter in their chart tend to be very lighthearted, creative individuals, and are very generous in love. they enjoy dramatic, flamboyant gestures of love, as well as gift-giving and recieving. they genuinely enjoy seeing their partner happy above all else, and seek reciprocation of that fulfillment in return. with the conjunction here, there can be a learning-curve in regards to knowing when to reign jupiter's "excessive" nature in, but those with the trine / sextile typically know how to show their love (and want to be loved) in a way that doesn't go overboard.

༊*·˚ ˗ venus in gemini / aquarius | uranus in the 5H / 7H: too sweet — hozier

don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake smellin' like a bonfire lost in a haze? if you're drunk on life, babe i think it's great but while in this world i think i'll take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three you're too sweet for me

the chokehold this song has had me in ever since it dropped? insane. these placements (and this song) are very reminiscent of running away from a love that lacks spontaneity. natives with these placements tend to need a level of excitability in relationships, those with venus in gemini / aquarius specifically are innately drawn towards people who mentally stimulate them or that they have to “figure out” in a sense. these placements are easily prone to disengage and become bored with a relationship once the “chase” phase is over. these venus placements (the gemini venus girlies specifically) tend to get mischaracterized as people who can’t sustain romantic relationships, and in my opinion it’s more so that these placements inherently need connection in more of a “cerebral” way, rather than in a stereotypical, lovey-dovey kind of way. the idea of love for these natives can be very unconventional in nature, and they crave a connection that is ever-changing and exciting to them.

with uranus in the 5H / 7H, one’s approach to romance and partnership can be atypical. natives with these placements tend to be deeply passionate and expressive in love, and could even be the types to view their partners as their muse. they also tend to be drawn towards relationships that don’t impose upon their sense of independence. natives with these placements, including the venus ones, could remain single or even prefer being single over being in a relationship, as these placements all share the common trait of needing their freedom and not liking to feel restricted. being able to experience life and express their individuality is a priority for them, and it can be of greater importance to them than finding love at times.

divider by plutism

[pupcuck]

BLIND ITEM !

ft. og re4!leon s. kennedy x fem!reader

tags. actor au, smut, leon is an ass, some misogyny duh, reader vomits once like non-sexual context, breaking and entering, dub-con that turns to just consensual sex, only one threat of violence :3

note. comm for the sweetest ever @liableperfections / 🪩 anon :3 plot credit goes entirely to her literally had to cut so many words down it was 10k before bc i was so excited ab it so if it seems choppy I’m so sorry… 😭 ignore my attempt at navigating la.. it’s so confusing usa system is so confusing .. ignore any typos :3 feedback n rbs always appreciated!!! REPOST CUZ TUMBLR HATES ME.

Malibu Beach is a terrestrial paradise. A post-apocalyptic Eden of sorts ‘cause there’s no tree of knowledge or any apples— Only thing Malibu Beach and Eden have in common is the naked ladies. It’s the best part of both. Which to Leon is factually correct, but to be politically correct as Hunnigan, his PR manager, would say it’s an opinion.

No need for serpent-induced bedlam, hedonism is at its peak, the fall of man is in full swing. There’s more snow than grains of sand. Leon’s world comes to life in bottle greens and muted blues, water glittering like a diamond behind the dimmed lenses of his aviators.

He snags a cabana close to the shore, draping curtains to keep him safe from blinding cameras and prying eyes and drab women who are more naked than they are clothed. From afar it’s a great sight. Up close it’s a whole lot of cellulite and over-plumped lips and over-plucked brows. Leon’s not picky, his standards are not high, he’s only asking for the bare minimum. Nice face, nice ass, nice tits— It’s expected, but it’s not an expectation ‘cause that would mean girls have to try and live up to it, but most of them come that way. Well, they’re supposed to come that way, but some girls got a little busted on the flight over from heaven.

Ashley faces him, she should be careful when Leon’s around, he pulls on bikini strings more than he tugs on his own dick, and her bikini has started to look especially stringy.

“Can you get my back?” In the light, her lashes twinkle like gossamer wet with morning dew.

Don’t need to ask him twice. Leon’s hands traverse the plains of her back, he coats her skin in lotion like the finest of pâtissiers would a cake, angling the spatula downwards to smooth thick buttercream into pastel swirls of perfection. It’s only SPF10 ‘cause Ashley’s more focused on getting an even tan and less worried about skin cancer.

They’ve been hanging out between filming. Ashley pisses him off with her hoity-toity shit, someone swapped out her brains for that rack, but she’s hot so Leon keeps her around. And to be completely honest, his perpetual state of ennui had been smashed like brittle glass by Ashley alone. If it wasn’t for her, he’d still be riding the Raccoon City wave. Biggest blockbuster to come out of 1998. That’s a big feat. Competition was big names like Deep Impact, The Horse Whisperer— Oh, who is he kidding, nobody remembers that crap, but everybody remembers Raccoon City, the Resident Evil sequel that hit the ball out of the park.

The Resident Evil series is on its fourth instalment, and Ashley Graham insisted he come back to reprise his role; she wanted to act alongside Leon S. Kennedy and no one else. She stinks of money and Chanel Cristalle. Her dad is the studio head, so Leon’s kissing up to her, takes her cruising in his Bugatti Veyron up and down Rodeo Drive. They never breach the Platinum Triangle, he fears Ashley’s diaphanous skin would erode the moment unfiltered air hits her, melt off her bones in fleshly strings until there’s a skeleton rattling around in his passenger seat.

Ashley’s back is real nice. Like, the skin is super clear and creamy white and her shoulder blades stick out the same way a slinky feline’s do. If he could use anorexic as an adjective he would. Not quite, but almost.

“That feels so good, Leon.” He catches the tail end of the glance she casts over her shoulder, it’s flirty and he knows what’s coming next. Ashley’s spine straightens, skin pulled taut to the jagged bone, she twists her upper half and pouts directly at him. She pouts a lot for someone so scared of wrinkles. but when you’re this rich, the de-ageing secret is just Botox he guesses.

“C’mere,” Leon adopts a wider stance, spreading his thighs so she can curl up between them like a cosy pup in bed. “Hey, cutie.” He traces a thumb over her lips which are a milky shade of pink, fingers curling up beneath her chin to tilt her head up towards him.

She’s giving him bedroom eyes. Feathery lashes fanning his skin with the pace at which she bats them, like hummingbird wings beating against the wind. Leon is so going to get laid. Ashley’s nails rake over the sinewed flesh of his sculpted thighs, a testament to his athleticism, he does all his own stunts you know? Shit, he’s about to get the sloppiest head of all time, his dick is about to be degloved by that perfectly puckered pout, suction must go crazy—

In a single sweeping motion, the flimsy curtain is drawn back, fluttering in the same way Leon’s gut lurches. He can’t tell the difference between butterflies and nausea. It all feels the same to him. He half expects to be struck dumb by celestial flashes of camera light that gets him hotter than the sun.

However, in a much more pleasant turn of events, he spots a black whale tail that leads his sharp eyes to a bead of sweat dripping down a toned abdomen— Her belly button sticks out which Leon hates, but those tiny hotpants make up for her faults. They’re so short the flappy pockets are visible, distressed denim fringe brushing nice thighs that have got to mean an even nicer ass is right behind.

The face is even cuter. Round cheeks yet to shed baby fat, the apples smattered with charming freckles, her reddish ponytail is stiff with salt water. “Move,” she demands in a dictatorial fashion as if the world would bend to her will, rolling over and baring its belly like an appeased dog under her command.

Leon, against his better judgement, stays put. Who even are you, lady? The audacity of some girls, must be a fan of some kind. A clammy hand lands on his leg. Feels more like a dead fish left to rot on the docks. He shivers inwardly, prying sticky fingers off of him to clarify what the actual fuck is going on.

There’s a pretty girl in your peripheral. Not Claire. She’s not pretty in the way Claire is. She’s model pretty, might be a model or an actress or both, or neither. Just plain old pretty. But, it’s not plain, it’s extraordinary really. Polly Pocket dolly plucked from her compact home— Oh, gosh, your stomach is fucking killing right now.

Life is crazy, right? One minute you’re sucking face with a cute guy from Europe, and the next minute rotgut Mai Tais are not pairing well with the sweltering Malibu heat. And now you have reached the gates of heaven, fat-bellied clouds and Polly Pocket and something firm in your hand like a muscled calf. Not like a muscled calf, it is a muscled calf and it belongs to the most devastatingly handsome man you have ever laid eyes upon.

You anticipate the sprouting of wings from his back, the halo of Malibu sunlight that crowns his dirty blond hair to form an actual fucking halo. Holy fuck. You hope God can’t read your thoughts right now. Praying is out of the question, that’s like directly asking God not to press the big red button— Everyone presses the big red button, and then God would cast you down to hell in a fit of disgust. All ‘cause you want this angel to put your thighs to your chest and fuck you boneless with his seraphic dick.

“What the fuck, man?” Is the angelic knowledge he imparts upon your dying body. You feel like you’re being cooked alive, hot oil bubbling your skin.

“What is your problem, man?” Claire’s utterance comes at the same time.

“Hey, Claire,” you greet weakly.

“Hey, babe.” The back of her cool hand rests on your forehead, the heat is going to sear her skin like a piece of Grade-A beef. “Listen, man, can you just take your girlfriend and go?”

“She’s not my—“

“Leon, let’s just go.” The blonde girl loops her arm around this divine being’s bulging bicep.

Claire closes the curtain to shield you from the sun. It brings forth a wave of relief to your sizzling body, doused in floral breeze and sea-salt-infused linen.

“Aw, babe, you’re fucked.” She fans you lightly with her hand in hopes that man-made wind is enough to combat heat stroke or alcohol poisoning or whatever it is.

“You can head back, ‘m good here,” you slur, “gonna take a nap”

“You sure?” Claire pets your head, you see past her composed exterior, inside is a girl who’s mourning the loss of that cute beach bunny who ran for the hills the moment you started to emanate the smell of sickness.

“Mhm.” You nod, a sluggish movement that makes your liquified brain slosh about in your head. “I’ll be okay.”

“I’ll come check on you later, yeah? Just stay right here for me.” She lays a damp towel over your lower half and you feel like a bit of a beached whale. Like, fucking slack and stupid and heavy with sleep. It’s so unfair. Your one day off and the excessive day drinking comes to bite you in the ass.

Your nap is plagued by divine visions - getting to sink your teeth into that angel’s biceps. So life is not all bad. At least you’ve still got wet dreams to keep you going. The sun has sunken beyond the horizon, dwindling light paints the landscape a burnt orange, the deepening blues of the water taking on a coral hue as you poke your head out past the cotton curtains.

In the distance, you spot a mildly Claire-shaped dot with a ponytail. She’s still having fun so you make no move to bother her, instead you gather your belongings in a methodical manner. Beach towel folded at the bottom of your bag, cover-up slotted neatly into the side pocket. Water bottle and sunscreen on top - making sure to check the caps on both are tightly screwed on. Purse, keys, phone. You’ve got it all.

Though you’ve regained a sense of self - whatever you were going through a few hours ago that was an out-of-body experience - a tight knot lingers in the depths of your gut. It’s lodged in your throat. You proceed to the bathrooms located near the car park, beach bathrooms are not the nicest place on earth, but you’re not going there for a relaxing retreat, you’re there to unload the unholy amount of vomit that sits in your stomach like sunken rocks in a burlap sack.

Your gait is slightly off, it’s hard to navigate the beach in rubbery flip-flops, limping as your feet are anchored into the sinking sand with each step. After a treacherous journey over the colossal (read: totally flat, flatter than a brown rat’s feet) dunes, you’re granted access to the mildewy washrooms— The door swings open and collides with your delicate skull. A surge of nausea hits your system like adrenaline, pumping through you, and you pitch forward, hands on your knees as you hurl.

“What the fuck? Are you stupid?”

His voice is like the gentle tinkering of bells or a choir of angels, it’s thick and smooth like molasses, a knife through hot butter. All of the above. Even when he’s swearing the unholiest words you have ever heard under his breath. It’s him, the guy from before. And you just missed vomiting on his feet. Narrowly. He did hit you with a fucking door though. So there’s that.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay? I saw that!” The cute blonde from before has swiftly joined his side.

“I’m fine, Ashley, she ran into me.” Ashley… Ashley…You might’ve seen her on a billboard somewhere in Hollywood. Certainly looks the type.

“Not you, asshole, oh my god, Leon. Are you serious? You hit her!” Her voice is like money. Papery thin, but there’s substance to it. Makes the world go round. Makes you happy. This concussion might be making you woozy enough to feel happy. “Oh my god, are you, like, okay?”

You clutch at the wall of the beach hut-shaped washroom, steadying yourself. “I’m good, yeah, I’m really good, thanks for asking.” The vomit is gone from your system, that’s a step forward, but now there’s an ugly bump forming on your head.

“What if you have a concession?” Ashley frets, she makes no move to step closer as she would have to manoeuvre the puddle of vomit.

“A concussion.” Leon corrects, he side-steps to make a swift and graceful exit from this situation, making a beeline for the topless convertible parked a few rows over. Oh, shit this guy is like a big shot, and you almost puked on him. Keyword almost.

“Leon! Hello? We can’t just leave her!” She waves her arms at him wildly, like she’s flagging down a rescue helicopter.

“Oh no, my friend’s still here, I came in her car,” you begin, smiling sheepishly as she has made you feel a little like an abandoned puppy. Or a nuisance.

“No, no, you’re sick, like, really sick, and Leon hit you. He totally owes you.” Ashley insists, a delicate hand grasps your wrist in a surprisingly firm grip. “Get in the front.” She’s demanding not in the same way Claire is, but in the way of a spoiled little girl. It works for her, and you plop down on a leathery seat that sticks to your skin. “Leon, I’m gonna meet daddy over in Carbon, so don’t worry about me, okay?” She flutters her fingers at him. “Behave yourself!”

Shit. This car costs more than you would on the black market. That makes you nervous. The guy makes you even more nervous. The way he’s glowering at you— What an asshole. Ashley’s right, he hit you hard, you so deserve a swanky ride home.

“Are you stalking me?” He asks, sunglasses perched on the top of his head, he looks like a total asshole, levelling you up with those glacial eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“Are you stalking me?” He’s like dead serious right now.

“Why would I be stalking you?” There’s genuine confusion on your face, at least that’s what you want Leon to believe.

“Funny,” he scoffs, “real funny.”

“I’m sorry, what’s so funny?” You blink at him stony, gaze unwavering.

You, bitch. Acting like you don’t know him, like his face isn’t plastered all over California. In every nook and cranny. From flagship stores to beige vegan cafes that are frequented by a handful of hipsters and bored trophy wives alone. “Nothing,” Leon settles on, you can play dumb all you want, but this isn’t his first rodeo with stalkers.

In your hand, your Nokia beeps, and much to his annoyance, you pick it up to make casual conversation with whatever creep that’s put you up to this plan. “No, I didn’t mean to scare you, Claire. I literally kinda, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, but I’m safe, okay? I’m in a…” You trail off, casting a sideways glance at him, “I’m in a taxi right now.”

He squeezes the steering wheel white-knuckled. You’re playing with him right now, and it’s not fucking funny. A little pathetic if anything.

“Yeah, I got enough cash on me to make it back, don’t worry about it. I will, I will, yep, okay. Bye, Claire.” You drop your cell phone into your beach bag and it falls quiet apart from the prowling growl of his engine.

“Where you need to go?” Leon asks, his teeth grinding together, offset by his clenched jaw.

“Santa Monica.”

“That’s helpful,” he says dryly. “Long way over.”

“I’m just being safe.” You shrug. “It’s half an hour, where’d you come from anyway? Beverly Hills?”

“You’re being unhelpful,” he repeats to cement the fact that he is going out of his way to be an upstanding citizen and help stupid girls who walk face-first into doors no matter how stupid they fucking are. Leon’s soft spot for girls is clearly limited. “Bel Air,” he adds a moment later, “but you know that, don’t you?” It’s in every tabloid, don’t gotta be a stalker to know where he lives.

“No, I do not, I seriously don’t know who you are, man.” Your profile is nice enough, not an eyesore, lips look kissable, you would look nice at his feet he decides. Girls like you need dick in your mouth to learn a few things about shutting up.

“You got in my car.” Leon points out.

“I was forced into your car.” Comes your rebuttal.

“Listen, I don’t have time for your shit, just tell me.” Leon never raises his voice at women, that would be a brash decision, girls hear a slight shift in tone and go cuckoo. When you talk to them all nice and sweet they turn to putty with no regard for the subject matter at hand. Could be harvesting a few organs or taking a couple billion out of their trust fund, it doesn’t matter, they’ll be stuck swooning.

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Look at you, you think you’re the shit. “I can get home from the boardwalk.”

Leon is a lot of things. He is an asshole, he would feel like more of an asshole if he made a chick walk home in the dark. He swallows his pride and he swears his Adam’s apple bulges out further than usual. “I’ll take you home, no sweat, I owe you one.”

“I’m good, I want to walk.” You are one stubborn bitch.

“You could use the walk,” Leon says, a slip of the tongue. He didn’t mean anything by that. Listen, it just came out. Promise. You’re testing his fucking patience.

You bristle beside him, to his surprise you make no move to insult him in turn. “Who are you, even?” It’s thrown over your shoulder coolly. “Like, am I supposed to know you?”

“Leon,” Leon says, and to his knowledge there are no other Leon’s in Hollywood - Leonardo DiCaprio does not count.

“Doesn’t ring a bell.” You’ve gotta be messing with him. It’s working, you’re driving him insane.

“Okay, sure.” He bites his tongue, and soon enough you tell him your address. Not the nicest part of Santa Monica, not the worst part. Definitely not Downtown L.A. so that’s good.

The velvet sky is frosted by stars, and it is a beautiful night for road head which Leon really fucking deserves for putting up with so much shit. If it were Ashley by his side he would’ve been forced to pullover more than a few times on the drive over to The Flats.

He pulls up in front of a house that looks to be made of paper mache. Wow, you’re slumming it. Leon makes an unmitigated promise to himself to never be seen around these parts ever again. The air is different, and there’s so many bad smells and oh my lord is that a homeless woman? He better leave before she knocks on his car door to offer him a good time.

“Bye, sweetheart,” Leon tells you because he is the prime example of a gentleman. “Not gonna thank me?”

“What an asshole.” You don’t even bother to say it under your breath, just to his fucking face after he dropped you off in this ugly, grey neighbourhood in his gorgeous convertible.

He forgets about you by morning. Leon has seen more women than a gynaecologist will in their lifetime. You’re another forgettable rack. That is until the following week. A blind item drops. He skims the page.

Blond guy… Plays a lot of action-hero roles… Good with women… Total Asshole… Something about harassment… Something about a full article dropping next week…

Sounds like Leon alright. Hunnigan is on his ass about it. Ashley is on his ass about it. The director is on his ass about it. The staff are looking at him funny. The room is spinning. Leon is going to take a prop gun and shoot himself. He’s managed to keep his asshole status under wraps, money and dick go a long way for girls— Shit, that bitch from Santa Monica. You were not an easy lay, there was no laying in fact. He didn’t offer you sympathy dick to make up for whatever he said to get your panties in a twist.

Leon checks his watch— Filming can wait, Ashley can wait, he won’t be long. Traffic is a nightmare, this sheepskin jacket is sticking to him - only time he has ever lamented having a roofless car. He shrugs off his costume, lays it over the headrest of the passenger seat. Your place is the crumbling stack of bricks tucked into the far corner of a street that is more litter than street.

He knocks on your door firmly, afraid it’ll knock down the paper walls. You don’t answer. He knocks again, taps his foot, and you do not answer. Leon tries the handle, he’s fucking desperate, okay? This film— The premiere has to go smoothly, he has to be back in the limelight and then you can go around making as many accusations as you please, send the pitchfork-wielding mob his way the moment promotions are over.

The door opens. Leaving your door unlocked in a neighbourhood this rough, oh, honey, you’re just begging for it, aren’t you? He steps over the threshold, the door clicks shut behind him, he moves forward in deliberate strides like he knows his way around. To be fair, there’s not many rooms to explore, not Ashley’s sprawling marble landing. From the top of the stairs, he hears your voice.

“Claire, is that you? I just got out the shower, wait there!”

Babe, you got ready for him? That’s cute, he hopes you shaved. The floorboards creak under his boots, climbing the stairs to face the open door of the bathroom. You’re in there, facing the mirror, wrapped in a baby blue towel. Easy access. When you spot him in the reflection, you drop the tub of cleansing cream in the sink basin, it splatters at the same moment your scream shatters the silence.

“What— How did you get in? Why’re you in my house? Get out!” All questions that Leon would answer if you shut up. You’re a stupid little thing, backing yourself into the wall until the back of your knees bump the bathtub. “Oh my god—“

“I let myself in, door was open, babe,” Leon says smoothly, “That’s real dangerous, y’know?”

You clutch at the shower curtain and almost bring it down on your head, Leon pries your fingers from the material as his hands find purchase on the fat of your hips. “Get off me— Get off, get off, get off!” Your spine straightens when he taps your cheek sharply. Huh. That worked. Is that what you need to loosen up? A nice, hard fuck. Some dick in that lonely pussy of yours.

“Hey, calm down, it’s just me.” The guy you think you know all about. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“You’re breaking into my fucking house, you fucking psycho, why would I want to talk to you?” Little fists hammer away at his chest, nails catching on his chest holster that looks more like BDSM gear than anything useful.

“You kidding me?” Leon captures your chin, his touch is anything but tender, a tactile intrusion that leaves crescent-shaped impressions on your jaw. “Had a lot to say in that article.”

“Is that… Is that what this is about?” You catch your breath, trying to appear nonplussed, though you tread carefully in trepidation. “The article isn’t even out yet-“ A soft whimper betrays your confident front when Leon bows his head to meet your eyes.

“Look at me when you’re speaking,” he instructs, and you do. What a good girl. “Okay, there you go, baby, continue.”

The disdain that spoils your pretty face intensifies at his words, and yet you can’t look away. Cute. Head says one thing, pussy says another. “I’m not- I’m not making Claire drop the article, this is the biggest scoop she’s ever had, and you’re gross.” You stand your ground. “You’re an asshole, I hope nobody ever has to deal with your shit again, I hope you get blacklisted, like, forever and fucking ever. I watched your shitty movies, I could do better than that and I got a D in drama class, you’re just hot and you get away with it-“

“That’s not very nice.” Leon talks to you like he is scolding a misbehaving child. Which you are. A rash little girl driven forward by noisy temerity. “We talked once, sweetheart. I wanted to go on a second date, what a shame.” He’s glad you find him hot though.

“Fuck off.”

“C’mon, you’re too cute to be using nasty words like that.” His teasing is not taken in stride, you elbow him in the gut and squirm out of his grip. Leon recovers fairly well, his fingers catching the hem of your towel, unravelling it like a spool of thread. He draws you closer, naked, wet body flush to his clothed one. Nice tits, tick, cute ass, tick, he wants to see how you’d look in a tight skirt, one that hugs your stomach and hips and the tapering of your waist. The type Hunnigan wears when she means business.

And shit. Your pussy is the only thing cuter than your face. Shaved bare like you knew he was coming. You wanted it. You did. Leon doesn’t see any other hot dates waiting for you. “Aw, baby, you shouldn’t have.” He coos, tracing your puffy pussy lips with the pad of his thumb.

“Don’t do that…” Your voice is merely a whisper, and you’re not scared, girls like you don’t get scared. They get pissed off. Heated. Angry and upset. But never scared.

“Is this what you want, babe? Some dick ‘n you’ll shut up? Just wanted my attention.” Leon’s voice is a low rumble in your ears, he drawls like a slow trickle of sticky honey. Nothing is stickier than your cunt. He parts your lips, catching the dribbles of slick that form in beads along your slit. “Jesus, you’re fuckin’ wet, baby. You needed this, didn’t you?”

“No,” you croak out, throat dry from only a few minutes of disuse.

“No? You want me to stop then, sweetheart?” Leon slows his touch, it diminishes until it’s gone entirely and you whine at the loss so sweetly. “You’re not making any sense, babe.”

“Oh my god.” You suck in a breath, trembling not out of fear, but out of unadulterated rage and dizzying lust for a piece of his dick. “Fuck you.” He takes that as a Please, fuck me!

“How about we do something easier, baby.” Leon forces you onto your knees, and he was fucking right. You look so good like this. Knelt by his feet. His belt is unclipped, pants unzipped, boxers lowered. He guides his dick into your mouth, and you really are the most cock-starved thing he's ever met, ‘cause you open up and swallow him whole.

Then you do the sluttiest fucking thing a girl has ever done for him - reach back and jab your nails into the meat of his ass to force his dick deeper down your throat. “Shit, that’s right, baby— Fuck, you’re a fucking freak, huh?” Leon rewards you with a skull fuck. Balls clapping wetly and obscenely against your chin.

You gag on it, and you love it. God, he feels the pulse of your cunt through his boot when you grind yourself down on the steel toe cap. It’s round enough to do no damage, cool enough to help that hot cunt out, and the perfect shape to part your folds and stimulate your swollen clit.

Leon slaps it on your cheek a couple of times, then he tightens his hand around the shaft as you play with his balls, try to fit ‘em in your mouth like jawbreakers. Shit, fuck, his brain fucking blanks. He’s gonna cum if you don’t stop. His hand comes to rest on your forehead, hoping to snuff out the pleasure that builds too soon in his belly, you pop off his cock, refusing to stop making out with his tip, tonguing the slit like you’re getting paid to do this.

The bedroom is a couple metres away, it’s an awkward shuffle over with his lips slotted to yours, tongue running over your teeth, licking at your gums. Your back hits the handle, then less than a metre after that it hits the squeaky mattress. He kisses down your body, you smell like fruity body wash, it might be strawberry or raspberry. It smells like pink, that’s all he knows.

A sloppy kiss is placed on the very front of your mound. “You want me to play with your sticky little pussy, baby?”

“Ew,” you whimper out, nodding anyways, legs bent at the knee to bare your sweet pussy to him.

He laps at you like a dog. Eating pussy is tedious, Leon likes pushing heads down on his dick, it’s way better. But to hear you moan like that, shit he would do it a thousand times over, latch onto your clit and suck till you see stars. “Did you like that, baby? Fuck, creamed on my fucking tongue, sweet little thing.” He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. Sure, Leon's going to go back to set smelling of your cunt, it’s not so bad. He quite likes it. Better the tang of pussy than sweat.

“Jus’ put it in,” you beg, “please, please—“

“I heard you the first time, sweetheart. Be patient.” Leon takes your ankles in his hands, puts them by your ears. See this? That’s when Leon can tell a girl really fucking wants him. When she holds her thighs up for him, and then she puts her palms flat to spread herself as open as she can get. “Jesus, baby, you’re a slut.” He laughs derisively, it rolls off his tongue as sweetly as any other pet name.

You’re left keening when the head of his dick sinks into your weeping cunt, your toes curl, and Leon cranes his neck to kiss your ankle. He runs his hands over the backs of your plush thighs, circling his hips as he eases into you— He’s lying. In his world, there’s no easing. Leon’s dick is mean, and he can tell you’ve been dying for a rough fuck. He bottoms out the second his head pops past your fluttering hole. Then he’s balls-to-the-wall. Like, literally. They’re heavy against your ass, slapping loudly with each measured thrust.

“Baby,” Leon starts, he’s breathless, rolling his hips into yours, “I swear on my life, sweetheart, if that shit drops I’ll beat you fuckin’ bloody.” That article dropping would signal the end of his life as he knows it. Your pussy clamps down on him at his words. “Oh, you nasty little bitch, you liked that?”

There’s a string of yes, yes, yeses! and then a string of expletives, and then a drawn-out call out of his name as he drives into you with all the force of a freight train. Your nails are scratching down his back, and your pussy is coating him in the same wetness that pools below your ass.

“Take it, baby, take it, fucking take it.” It takes one last thrust for you to come undone, your orgasm has your body going ramrod straight, and then your pussy fucking gushes. And Leon in all his years of sex and women and pussy and fucking has never made a girl do that. Half of him is convinced you’ve gone and pissed on him, the other half is sure he’s made you squirt like girls do in porn— Holy shit. He’s twenty-seven years old and he only just made a girl squirt.

You cry out as he grinds into you, his dick bumping your cervix, his pelvis grinding into your clit— And you sob, shaking your head as another burst of liquid spurts out of your cunt, soaking his abdomen, soaking his fucking shirt that belongs to the costume department—

Fuck, he’s gonna cum. He’s cumming hard. Leon’s balls tighten, and his shaft twitches as his load shoots out of the tip of his cock into your tight cunt. He didn’t pull out. If there’s one thing, he’s good at, it’s pulling out. Leon made a girl squirt, and he didn’t pull out. All in one day. What an accomplished man he is.

“Mmm.” You roll onto your front, face in the pillows as you catch your breath, still shivering as aftershocks zap at your nerve endings. Leon wipes the sweat built on his forehead, strands of his hair stuck to it. “I’m not convinced, the article’s still going up.”

What a bitch.

“Right.” He delivers a brisk swat to your ass, it elicits an involuntary yelp. “Guess I’ll have to convince you. I got a week, don’t I?”

“A week and a half,” you say, not bothering to bid him bye as he zips his cargos, “I’m pretty hard to convince.” Cheeky.

“It can be done.” Through another round of dick from Monday to Friday.

[astraltrickster]

Saw a post about gacha addiction earlier and I didn't want to Get Into It with the OP because I fundamentally don't disagree with them but it left me raging internally at the counterproductive approach.

Listen. Gacha addiction is real. It's fucked, the companies that pioneered the softcore gambling-lootbox-gacha model straight up bragged about how effective it was. If you have never spent money on gacha, ideally you really shouldn't start, because the only way to determine whether or not you'll get addicted to any specific thing is to fuck around and find out even if you know for a fact that in general you do or do not have an addictive personality. The most dangerous gamble to take is the first. If you DO decide to spend money anyway, you should have a comprehensive strategy in place to keep it from slowly consuming your entire budget. Also, even if you don't spend real money it can still become a problem, because it can also end up consuming all of your time - any game can do this, any hobby in general can become toxic in fact, but gacha games in particular have the FOMO factor of "I have to keep grinding so I can save enough for my blorbo's next banner". If you play gacha games - even on a free-to-play basis - you should be aware that you are taking a risk and you should be willing to admit to yourself if it's become a problem. If you find your gacha budget creeping upward despite your income not doing the same, or you find yourself regularly trying to grind out pull currency even when it's overall not fun anymore, you should take a hiatus from the game/s, and call a therapist or gambling addiction hotline if that proves to be difficult.

And if you have concerns about other people developing gacha addiction...shaming people or downplaying what they like about the games or characters helps literally no one; if anything it only sends them further into denial for your smug sense of superiority.

Thing is? Gacha games are games. Most successful ones, despite the obvious comparisons, are a lot more than just slot machines to fill out a gallery of blorbos to rotate on your screen instead of in your head. They tend to have genuinely compelling lore and characters and enjoyable gameplay - the gacha is not the game itself; it is a recruitment and power-up system in an actual game. This only becomes more true as the market becomes more competitive - like, FGO shows its age with its slow start; you can really tell it launched at a point where all one needed for success was to tie to an existing big fandom and give you a little new content with your faves, but even then the appeal was the lore and the characters far more than it ever was the summoning system, and it's kept up as time goes on, intensifying both the story and the strategy as it's come into a life of its own. Genshin Impact, at 2 years old, is as "real" of an action RPG as a Kingdom Hearts game, with intense strategy elements involved in team building. Arknights is a tower defense that I'd love to play were it not for my medical phobia because what I know of the setting and lore is some POWERFUL social commentary that is right up my alley.

I could list more examples, but it's not really the point. The point is that gacha games are real games, with real lore, and real characters. These games don't have playerbases composed exclusively of victims of predatory monetization unless you REALLY stretch the definition; in order for a game to be a good gacha game, first it does need to be a good game. It's easy to say "oh, they don't really care about the story or characters or gameplay, it's just an elaborate ad for the slot machine, it's just a cash grab" - but...even accepting that as true (which is debatable), so what? What's the difference between that and the latest big studio movie? The latest Netflix original series? The latest "conventional" "one-and-done" AAA game? Do you think the CEOs greenlit those out of nothing but the love of art and storytelling?

People are going to get attached to these stories and characters, and mocking them over it isn't ~taking a brave stand against predatory marketing strategies~, it's not ~waking people up to the fact that they've been duped~, it's just being a fucking asshole.

[ankh-morporkianpostalworker]

Anatomy of a Hero - Samuel Vimes

He wanted to go home. He wanted it so much that he trembled at the thought. But if the price of that was selling good men to the night, if the price was filling those graves, if the price was not fighting with every trick he knew... Then it was too high. History finds a way? Well, it would have to come up with something good, because it was up against Sam Vimes now.

Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

Fantasy has created some truly remarkable characters, and it's fair to say that Samuel Vimes of the Discworld series is among them - and he's a personal favorite.

This is the first in a (sporadic) series of posts analyzing my favorite fantasy protagonists and what I think makes them work as characters and how they fit into their stories.

Samuel Vimes is the protagonist of eight of Terry Pratchett's seminal Discworld novels - specifically, Guards! Guards!, Men at Arms, Feet of Clay, Jingo, Fifth Elephant, Night Watch, Thud!, and Snuff. These novels make up what is colloquially referred to as the City Watch series, and they answer the question "what if the city guard in a fantasy series got stuff done?"

Vimes is the head of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and starts off as a parody of the drunken watch captain, literally waking up in a gutter at the start of Guards! Guards!. While it's obvious from the start that he has a sense of justice and a desire to see justice served, years of being beaten down by a city that doesn't need him anymore has left him at his lowest point. In fact, Guards! Guards! is about him getting her proverbial groove back and solving his first real mystery in ages.

We then see Vimes grow into a respected member of the community, transforming the City Watch from a joke (at the start of the series, it's four people) into a pillar of the City, an institution in its own right.

Vimes himself struggles with addiction throughout the series with the help of his wife, Sybil, and members of the Watch (especially his right-hand man, Carrot), going from alcohol to cigars to bacon sandwiches by the end of the series.

We also see how Vimes fits into the central theme of the City Watch - social inequality and the importance of overcoming it. Sam starts the series with a... not-great view of the non-human residents of the city of Ankh-Morpork (although this view is better described as general misanthropy than racism, with him distrusting anyone who isn't his wife or a member of the Watch). This view is changed as the series progresses - between the first two novels, a coalition of minority groups successfully sues the city of Ankh-Morpork for employment discrimination in government positions and Vimes is forced to allow non-human people into the Watch. He comes to recognize that these people are, well, people with value not only as people but as law enforcement officials. Twice, Vimes uses his social power to advocate for downtrodden species to be treated as people, with full rights and protections under the law - for golems in Feet of Clay and goblins in Snuff, and the City Watch becomes the most diverse organization in the entirety of Discworld.

The last thing I'll talk about is Vimes' aforementioned desire for justice. Night Watch gives us a view into the life of an early Sam Vimes (Vimes is sent back in time to just before the Glorious Revolution, a now-forgotten struggle against a despot) - indeed, in his youth Sam was a revolutionary, inspired by Sgt. John Keel (whom Vimes takes the place of after finding Keel dead). During this Revolution, young Sam Vimes witnessed a number of things that would impact him for the rest of his life, including the torture chambers of The Unspeakables, a secret police force who committed horrible crimes in the name of the public good and who act as the antagonists of the novel. The quote that started this essay comes from near the climax of the novel, and I think it really encapsulates that desire for justice and why Sam Vimes works as a protagonist - one of the best in fantasy.

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: Carmy’s True Purpose

Hello everyone! I hope you’ve been well. I haven’t posted in a while, life has been hectic, but I wanted come back to share a post I had been working on this Fall. It’s is a follow up post to my series, Carmy doesn’t know who he is yet. I have one more piece to share in this series. In the first piece, I explained how Carmy is not currently in touch with who he is and what actually makes him happy because his original passion, art, has been beaten out of him. So far in his life, Carmen’s done the only thing he thinks he can do, stay in the kitchen. But he’s not living a life and his heart is frozen.

Carmy is abused, traumatized, exhausted, and his heart is simply not in the kitchen anymore, and maybe it never was.

He suffers from severe nightmares, night terrors, and debilitating anxiety, and is sick and it all stems from trauma forged in the fires of the various kitchens of his life. Because of his extreme commitment to being a chef, and a great chef, he has absolutely no personal life, no friends outside of work, no joy, no sense of play or fun or happiness.

There are so many examples of Carmy’s heart not being in the kitchen anymore, from the first episode to the last. Carmy has also never fully exhibited the true characteristics, strengths and skills needed to be a great leader. This is why he always feels off. He’s not great at communicating, he is not in control of his personal triggers, which cause his personal life to impact his professional life, he is not good at any of the backend skills that are required to be the “captain the ship”, such as business acumen, finance, interpersonal skills. This is because being the leader of the restaurant is not his true purpose, it’s literally fixing everyone else up to run it without him and then leaving to go live the life he should living, and not his sad shell of an existence. He does have a very important leadership skill needed to do this: seeing beauty, seeing the best in others, and seeing other people’s strengths before they can see it in themselves. Let me explain. How Carmy’s skill will lead him to his ultimate purpose.

In season 1

When Carmy meets Sydney, he quickly assesses her skill and potential, and almost instantly relinquishes his power as the leader of the restaurant and bestows it on her, he says he will “dial business” and tells her, “you are everything else.” Ironically, he doesn’t even “dial business”, in S2, by calling the fridge guy, leading to his own downfall.

Carmy literally says “I can’t do this” in his nightmare in 1x8.

In the Al-Anon monologue in 1x8, Carmy states his purpose, maybe to “fix the whole family” by fixing the restaurant. This doesn’t mean his family by blood. As he tells Natalie in 2x9, “family is also not an exact science.” He’s talking subconsciously about his chosen family of Sydney, Richie, Tina, Marcus, Fak. And isn’t that what Carmy spent the majority of S2 actually doing? Knowing what each person on his team needs in order to be “fixed”, pushed to dig deep, make the most of their strengths, passions and gifts and achieve their ultimate potential.

A major major revelation for me that Carmy wants out and that he has no problem handing over the reigns to his capable team took place in the finale of S1. Sydney, not Carmy, brings Michael’s spaghetti to the table.

Gif source: @chefkids

This really stood out to me when I first saw it. I immediately thought, why isn’t he doing this? Michael gave him the recipe, it was the last thing he ever gave him, and he cooked it. It should have been Carmy. It really should have. Just like it should have been Carmy that created a dish named in honor of his brother. He didn’t. It is Marcus that has the honor. Again, the first time I heard Marcus say “the Michael”, when Carmy asked what the cannoli was called, I teared up and then said out loud, “that should have been you.”

In 2x1, Carmy tells Richie, “this shits not fun for me”, and tells Sydney “F stars”, and “we’re trapped” (if we get one). Look at his eyes in the gif below. He knows what it will mean and he doesn’t want to do it anymore.

When Carmy sees Claire in the freezer aisle of Potash Grocery store, he openly tells her he told Mrs. Kelly’s son “don’t do it” when he was asked advice on becoming a chef. Then he gets reflective and says, “I should really listen to myself.”

I discussed in a prior piece how “just keep going” has been Carmy’s mantra his entire life. It’s been his survival technique because it has had to be. He’s exhausted, traumatized, sick, in pain and desperately in need of a reset. In my opinion, in S2, he’s looking for any excuse to subconsciously jump ship, not be the captain of it, which is why he let himself get distracted with Claire.

For much of S2, Carmy is actually giving pieces of himself in the restaurant away. He gives Tina his knife, which is so sweet but it’s also a little jarring. He gives Marcus a “spot” in Copenhagen to train. Tina and Ebrahim get sent to culinary school. Richie gets sent to stage at Ever, a 3 Star Michelin restaurant. Natalie is the COO and has taken over the office. It’s no longer his, it belongs to Natalie. He is setting everyone else up to take over. Sydney is the CDC. He tells her, “it’s your ship now, Captain”, and she opens the doors, not Carmy, when it’s time to open. Carmy can’t do paperwork, or manage the business end of the restaurant, but he also isn’t contributing by innovating and being a consistent leader.

In the kitchen, two hours before the soft open, Carmy is finally “there”. He’s barking orders, catching everything he’s missed, but he is completely going through the motions. His commands are joyless. Sydney, Tina, and the crew say “yes Chef”, but there’s none of the teamwork, camaraderie, and dare I say, fun, as when Richie is running the pass and expoing with his whole heart when Carmy’s trapped in the freezer.

When Uncle Jimmy asks Carmy, “do you want to be the guy? Then be the f-ing guy”, you can see Carmy glaze over. No. Carmy doesn’t want to be the guy. Not the guy in the restaurant. Not anymore.

Even Carmy’s new monogrammed chef coat is another example of how Carmy is disappearing and fading away. His former coat had dark blue initials in an elegant cursive font. His new coat has his initials in plain font, in white stitching, barely visible, unless you look for it hard.

In the end, Carmy is locked out and left behind in his own restaurant because subconsciously he doesn’t want to be there.

I have written about this in various posts, but I truly believe Carmy’s character arc is to get back to his original passion, which is art. Michael knows this is a gift of his, and thanks to the menu sketches he drew for the new most important person in his life, now so does Sydney.

Michael’s final note to Carmen was the recipe for spaghetti for him to fix for family meal, the words, “I love you dude”, and “Let it rip.” But what if Michael was really saying find the money, take it and everything you’ve learned and FIX the family to go on with the restaurant without you (something Mikey was never able to do while he was alive) and then once you’ve done that, “Let it RIP”, as in Rest In Peace. Leave. Get out. Don’t be scared. Go for it. And discover the life you’re truly meant to be living.

©️moments-on-film 2023

[aquaquadrant]

I was wondering if you had an estimated date of when you will post the next HTP chapter?

Like, leaving us on such a cliffhanger must be a crime! It cant be legal!

Anyways, while I wait for it, Ive decided to copy paste every chapter into a doc and mark it up color code style for all my over analyzing needs. It took me an hour but it was worth it.

Have a good week and take care :)

(This is meant to be genuine, not mean or passive aggressive, just so you know. While I indeed am anxiously awaiting Chapter 10 by highlighting the chapters on a doc like that one photo of a bible page that’s highlighted with different colors. This isn’t meant to be mean or pressuring, take your time and take care of yourself)

⬆️(Ah poo, Im an over thinker

hey there, no worries y’all- i love seeing my reader’s enthusiasm and it’s reassuring to see continued interest in the series. i’d been hoping to have BOTH of the final ‘from eden’ chapters done before summer. but i have to admit, progress on the next chapter hasn’t been as forthcoming as i’d expected, for a couple reasons.

the first is health-related. not to be too TMI, but i recently got diagnosed with crohn’s disease. my symptoms started ages ago but have really ramped up in the last couple months, and the diagnosis was a lengthy and involved process (started the hunt back in november, presumptively diagnosed after a colonoscopy in feb, definitively diagnosed when biopsies came back over spring break) and even when i was simply waiting for results, it occupied a lot of my mental capacity. and ofc it happened to line up with me turning 26 and needing new insurance, which has caused lots of delays. anyone dealing with the american health care system while chronically ill will tell you it’s a frustrating, exhausting process. as of right now, i’m still waiting to start treatment 🫠

but honestly, even more than that, the biggest thing stopping me from writing is… me? 😂 so there’s this thing that happens after i post a chapter that’s like… decision paralysis? except it’s just that sometimes, i literally can’t bring myself to start the next chapter. it’s like, i have this unfounded fear that all my writing up until this point has been some magical fluke out of my control, and i’m not capable of ‘pulling it off’ again. i guess you could call it a form of imposter syndrome (which i already encounter enough in my vet school life). it gets worse after posting something that was a particularly massive undertaking or was insanely well-received bc i’m scared i won’t be able to top it- even though the impact of storytelling is supposed to be cohesive, and it’s unrealistic for every chapter to be ‘bigger and better’ (what does that even mean?) than the last one because they serve different purposes at different points in the story. i know this, rationally, but that doesn’t stop the irrational fear of failure from making me avoid writing.

i’m not sharing this to make excuses or garner sympathy, or fish for compliments, and certainly not to make anyone feel guilty for asking about updates. i just feel like maybe this will resonate with anyone who has the same experience. and also to share hope, because despite how often this feeling rears its ugly head, i’ve still been able to push through and get back to writing- and i’m always very happy with the result. sometimes it just takes longer than i’d like (pro tip: writing on ur phone is less intimidating, tho it’s more of a pain). but in any case, the next chapter of ‘from eden’ is well underway and i still hope to have the series done before summer’s end^^

[hopefull-mindset]

I've started reading The Great Gatsby (I've fallen into the reading classical literature trap 😔. I really need to finish Crime and Punishment.)

Anyhow I think it's really interesting how Asagiri chose to characterize many of the people in BSD. Especially after learning that irl Fitzgerald was more of a cynical person (at least towards the end of his life) than his animated counterpart. And it made me think of all the other characters of the show and how their characterized.

What was Asagiri's purpose as he came together with these characters? Why'd he have some characters act as their irl counterparts while others act more like the characters they wrote or people in their lives?

These aren't really questions that I wanted the answers to they were moreso just thoughts that I had. I'd love to have a peek into this man's mind and how it works

I think a lot of us have fallen into that trap LMAO. This is my favorite topic though. I could talk about this forever because Kafka Asagiri is an interesting person who has integrated a lot of literature into this one series. I don't know what goes on in this man’s mind and I know these aren't literal questions, but I am interested in sharing what I know!

As you've pointed out, some characters do act more like the people in these works written by them than the actual people. BSD isn't purely just taking these authors, their relationships, and then implementing them just like that. it also takes these authors’ literary personas, their impact socially, and their works to make them into who they are. Asagiri is doing this because it makes it more interesting, but also imagine writing about this authors where most of them lived depressing lives with qualities that don’t make uh, the type of story you want to tell.

I’m impressed with how creative he is.

I’m trying to limit myself on how much I should talk about this, but I fear that I’ll leave out important bits about how Asagiri incorporates these people into the work. I’m also just jittering and excited. Like I almost forgot to bring up the fact the reason BSD has a war narrative is because it takes Japanese authors from Meiji to Shōwa era, so about the time Western influence kicked in, forcing them to modernize and keep up with the rest of the world during what is a fairly short time for huge development like this, to post-war Japan where, you know, the Occupation of Japan is happening and they have to intake the traumatic repercussions of everything before that.

This can make The Great War functionally WW2, but obviously not a one to one match. I’m not a historian or anything, but this should come to mind for anyone who’s in the know about some Japanese history. Now that I’m bringing it up though, Mori’s attitude during the flashback with Yosano is put into context because he pretty much says himself that he needs his country to realize that they keep up with the rest of the world and that the battlefield is changing, and real life Japan did not care about how they did that.

With N, Chuuya, and Stormbringer too. I’m almost hesitant to bring this up because it’s so serious, but yes, Japan did do lethal human experimentation for that same purpose to keep up with the rest of the world and prove themselves.

Ahh, I went off track. Sorry, we were talking about how Asagiri writes characters, right? There is a lot of crossover between the real authors and their writing, so it’s sorta hard to tell with people like Dazai where the work influence ends and the the real person begins.

For me currently in my classic lit research period, I’m almost upset at myself for barley reading anything by Ryuunosuke Akutagawa because he’s my favorite character. I’ve just been so caught up doing my Oda Sakunosuke essay that I don’t have too much time for other authors. I’ve also picked up “The Similitude of Blossoms: A Critical Biography of Izumi Kyōka” recently (and A New Hamlet by Osamu Dazai, but that’s not important).

Ah, how much should I talk about.… hmm… how about Chuuya as an example of Literary Voice vs Real Person…. Lucy Montgomery and Edgar Allen Poe for Social Impact (for Japan specifically)…. and then.. Oh whatever, I’ll figure it out. One day I’ll talk about Kyouka, but not now. I’d feel ill prepared.

If you’ve ever read a poem by Chuuya Nakahara, taken in the emotion and deep feeling, and then found any fun facts about his interactions with other authors, there’s a huge contrast between those two modes that can be jarring. Im sure you can tell how that carries over to BSD. I’m impressed by how Asagiri is able to balance both the brash attitude of Chuuya and the inner literary voice that voices the emotion and care he has in him.

Edgar Allen Poe is slightly more obvious than Lucy’s influence (or maybe it’s Lucy’s, ah it depends), but both pop out at you when it’s pointed out. He was one of the first American authors to be introduced to Japan and fairly popular, but mainly we would point to Edogawa Ranpo as the most blatantly influenced by him and who his name is quite literally attached to. While Lucy Montgomery isn’t attached to anyone in particular, Anne of The Green Gables was wildly distributed in Japan when there were few english children books and became a hit.

There’s a television series too if you search for it. Any redhead, pigtail-braided girl you see in some Japanese media is because of her! It’s probably why these two have the most presence in the story currently compared to other members of the Guild and work with the Agency at times.

There are times when Asagiri will use influences outside of the author’s own catalog to create them, some literary like Albert Camus’s The Stranger and The Myth of Sisyphus (in writing characters like Dazai or Fyodor, I could make a post about that), and some just of his own anime/manga interests in other series like Jojo, Cowboy Bebop, Black Lagoon, etc. if you’re familiar.

I’d feel bad if I don’t at least show one example of this so, how about an Odasaku example with The Long Goodbye by Reymond Chandler? I was going to avoid talking about him until the essay, but I can’t help myself. Many have pointed out these parallels before, but Asagiri did point it to be his favorite book last year in an interview.

If you’ve noticed that the presentation for Dark Era in the anime comes off like a Noir film just like how Untold Origins came off like a black and white samurai film, good job! The Long Goodbye is a Noir novel about a detective named Phillip Marlowe who is unable to let go of a case involving a friend that was accused of murdering his own wife, but supposedly commits suicide and confesses to it before Marlowe is able to leave custody. By the end of the book, he uncovers the real perpetuator (a past lover of Terry Lennox’s before he was ever called by that name) and finds out where Lennox really is by poking into the story of where the message he got was sent.

He comes in with a new look and identity, and he asks if it’s too early for a gimlet. They say their last few words to each other, Marlowe flipping back and forth from acknowledging him as Terry Lennox and as a person he never knew, and then Marlowe tells him that “he’s not here anymore”. Marlowe had already told him goodbye when it was sad and lonely, so Lennox does the same here. That ends that mutual, long goodbye and he never sees Lennox again.

The immediate response I’ve see about this is how it parallels the relationship between Dazai and Odasaku. In The Day I Picked Up Dazai, just like how Marlowe brings him to his home to clean him up and meet up at the same bar for the next few months of their friendship, Odasaku also does so with Dazai and drinks a Gimlet for reasons he doesn’t know. In reality, Gimlets are a representation of the friendship between Marlowe and Lennox as it’s Lennox’s favorite drink. It makes it a little painful when Marlowe ignores him when he ask to go get a gimlet at that same bar they always went.

BEAST is more hyper specific about it by having Dazai ask the same question that Lennox asks when he gets smoked out and Odasaku asking for a gimlet with no bitters, which is specifically how Lennox takes it. Odasaku does not drink the gimlet at all though, showing that there is not friendship to start or accept or say goodbye to, as Lennox does ask Marlowe to drink a Gimlet to say goodbye to him in the letter. Just like TDIPUD is like their beginning, BEAST is their ending without ending because BEAST Dazai is not the same person he was friends with.

Odasaku fulfills being a detective and Dazai is the tragic friend with a past he doesn’t say anything about. Great. Now what I think people are missing when they entirely focus on Odasaku and Dazai when they talk about Lennox and Marlowe is that Lennox is narratively also Andre Gide.

If we were to split Lennox into three people just like his three identities, this is what it would look like:

The Friend: You help him out and don’t judge for his faults, in turn you go out to a bar with each other. It’s uneasy, but it’s worth a lot to the both of you. Eventually you have to part ways in death. (Dazai & Terry Lennox)

The Unknown: Is he someone you know? He acts like it, but he looks nothing like what you’ve encounter before. Maybe in some world you were, but that’s not now and it’s too late for this goodbye to be playing out. You let it happened though and you never see him again when he walks out that door. (BEAST Dazai & “Señor Maioranos”)

The Soldier: The past is right around the corner and its come to bite you in the ass. White hair and war memories haunting him with a scar as a reminder, he’s a reflection of you but maybe not. Who knows? (Andre Gide & “Paul Marston.”)

The initials “P.M.” of both his past name and Phillip Marlowe’s is meant to clue in how Eileen (the past lover) is connected to Lennox by her thinking of Marlowe as her past lover as she attempts to seduce him in some trance. What I’m trying to note here though is that you can take this as Lennox being another reflection of himself. It’s easy to do that reading for both Dazai and Gide as they’re both his foils and are purposely similar, but Gide aligns more with this past identity than Dazai does and retains his white hair.

Uhhh, wasn't planning to make a mini-analysis in the middle of my talking but okay. I'm leaving it off there. I went blank a lot while writing because I didn’t know what I wanted to comment on. There's too much to say about this large cast. I have way more literary fun facts and ideas to say, but nah.

[scarlettsandmaroons]

she doesn't think of me | n. romanoff

about me | series masterlist | natasha romanoff masterlist

pairing: professor!natasha romanoff x collegestudent!reader

chapter two | chapter three: midnights like this

chapter summary: your professor is targeting you and neither you or your bestfriend are having it. she however, doesn't seem to care about you at all.

warnings: natasha is mean.

a/n: this was rushed, i'm sorry! should've posted this last night, but i was so busy i just decided to squeeze writing this chapter into my schedule. it's really short too, rest assured, the next one will be better!

you were on natasha romanoff's radar. and you want so badly to get out of it.

"oh i'm sure she'll soften up! mrs. romanoff is nice!" billy insisted, but you carried on basically dragging yourself into yet another dreadful hour with mrs. romanoff.

"it's been three months, billy! i don't know what to do," you threw your arms up and then caressed your face with your hands, wanting so deeply to cry into it.

the two months being mrs. romanoff's favorite student hasn't exactly been the easiest. after handing off a couple of late assignments, which you had stacks and stacks of from her, you were surprised she hadn't pulled some strings to suspend you.

she would very often tear your paper in front of you. she would call you into her office just so you can watch her tear the last 15 hours you spent in pieces before throwing it away. she never lets you off of class without calling you at least 3 times. never leaving out some commentary after you answer that would make you embarrassed to the core. she pointed out your shortcomings in class. she made sure to always always let everyone know what and when you're doing wrong. and after all that humiliation, what aggravates you is how she doesn't, at all, acknowledges your existence outside of class. you would pass her by the halls, you would see her near the gate, never once would she make eye contact, or even look in your direction. she wouldn't even do so much as breath in your direction!

to her, it's nothing.

"do you want me to talk to her?" billy asked. she's been the subject of almost all your conversations with billy. and he has so patiently listen to your every rant about her.

"how would you even," you were hopeless. you would leave, but you're already too far into it. she had humiliated you way too much to back out now. you didn't go through months of torture just to leave. to her, you're not even relevant. you're just another student who couldn't withstand her. leaving would hurt your pride more.

so you straightened your back, and marched like someone truly eager to learn. "i'm sick of her nonsense. i'll show her what i'm made of."

you certainly didn't show her what you were made of when as soon as your name rolled off her tongue with strength and almost anger, you folded. you curved. you balled. whatever one might call it. you caved. you gave in. all sense of even an ounce of bravery was washed away by trembling fear. intimidation. you'd come to learn of that feeling the very first time you met her, it still surprises you how you've yet to get accustomed to it.

you stood up, slowly. here it comes. you know it’s coming. you have a visual bulleted list of everything you could’ve possibly done, everything you have done that she has yet to shame you for. just yesterday, you bumped into her in the hall. literally, bump into her. the moment you felt the impact of her shoulder against yours, you made sure to avoid her eyes at all cost. you walked away like your life depended on it. you weren’t going to be subjected under one of her condescending gazes again which sheer sharpness of will have you begging for her forgiveness in seconds. you didn’t acknowledge her, or that it happened, not out of pride, but out of fear. she was already scary enough, and until yesterday, you hadn’t really done much to piss her off.

before that however... you've done a few. for example, in class a few days ago. you know she saw you. you hadn’t slept in so long that day, you couldn’t keep your eyes open. billy was there to offer you his car to sleep on the moment you got off mrs. romanoff’s class. he fixed the back seat; set up his air bed and everything. that was the best sleep you had in days. the only sleep you had in days. you were surprised mrs. romanoff had yet to give you shit for that though. especially, when you’ve made eye contact with her the moment you woke up.

somewhere last week, you also handed a late assignment. the very first one she hadn’t called you to watch her tear off and throw away. you also have an overdue paper you hadn’t even got the privilege of a free time to start doing. and you’re sure she hated the heels you wore two days ago from the judgmental look she shot your way after getting a glimpse of the maroon stilettos.

mrs. romanoff is like a ticking timebomb. one that could go off over something so obvious yet unforeseen you’d hate yourself for not thinking of. that’s what created your visual bulleted list of everything you had done for her to humiliate you, everything that she might embarrass you for, everything that you can choose from as to why she must hate you that very moment. it helps to have a list. to be able to predict what’s making her mad again. what about you today infuriates her? it’s like a game.

today, you’re guessing one of those three. of course you had done more. some you know, some you hadn’t realized she hates you for doing, some you don’t even realize you did.

she stood up and crossed her arms. you were so far from her; so many people in between. yet the way she stared at you made you feel like it was just the two of you. not in a good way. in fact, in the worst way. it’s like being left alone with a beast.

“you’re failing my class.”

you weren’t in high school anymore. that much was clear when she announced it to the whole class where a high school teacher would never go so far as too doing. but the line between high school and college became a blur when what were a few snickers became a full blown laughter of which mrs. romanoff only basked in. you wouldn’t be surprised be there was some kind of pride in her as the class erupted in laughter over her embarrassing you.

that was very on-brand of her. but it hurt you nonetheless. your heart dropped continuously until you can feel a dragging weight on your chest. to even make it out of the classroom was such a challenge as you could barely carry the weight that pulled at your heart. you held in your tears as you walked down the hall. you needed billy. it was an hour before lunch, billy’s in mr. barton’s class but you texted him nonetheless.

‘sos’, you sent him.

it was barely ten minutes later. by then, you were already sitting on a bench just outside of your campus building when he came running to see you forcing everything in until he was able to sit beside you and pull you to him. “i got you, y/n.” he says as he held your head against the crook of his neck where you just exploded in tears. you cried heavily against his shoulder; the three month worth of pent up frustration over your studies finally breaking free from your system. “let it all out.” he whispers while a hand rubs over your back and the other plays with your hair.

muffled words escape from your lips; complete incoherent. billy pulls you off of him, holding your shoulders and taking a good look at your face; red nose, eyes, and lips, all puffy and plump from crying, snot on your nose, tear stained cheeks, and wet eyes. he hadn’t seen you cry like this since you failed math in junior high.

“okay, now tell me. what’s wrong?”

you sniffled hard before running the back of your hand against your nose. you were looking past his shoulder as tears continue to pour from your eyes. “i failed english…” you cried.

“what?! but you’re an english lit girlie!” he says. “remember? and i’m a math wizard. how can you possibly fail english?!”

that made you cry much harder, pushing through the arms that held your shoulders so you can return to your place with your head against the crook of his neck. crying all the much more. “mrs. romanoff failed me…” you cried, lifting your head slightly so your words doesn’t come muffled. “but she tore off my homework! she refused to accept anything i submit her—"

“okay, that’s it.” billy stood up rather abruptly, holding you by the hand and marching off back to the campus.

you sniffled, trying to clear your sinuses. “what are you doing…?” you ask. he was holding so tightly on your hand, you could barely feel it as he drags you through the hallways and straight into mrs. romanoff’s office.

you weren’t able to stop him—you didn’t even know what he was going to do! and by the time everything was finished processing in your mind, billy had already started yelling at your professor who only watches intently from behind her desk. “how could you fail my friend!” he yells at her.

you were taken aback. you didn’t know what to do. you’re already in here, he already yelled at her, knowing mrs. romanoff, you both would suffer the same consequences as if you would have stopped him.

“goodmorning to you too, mr. maximoff.”

her chin was resting on the back of her hand. she was looking at him so intently, as if she was interested in everything he has to say—as if she’ll hear him out. you were getting the strongest sense of déjà vu. you’ve been here before. you knew how this was going to end. you knew how much this would amuse her. you knew because this happened to you.

“y/n doesn’t deserve that.”

you can hear it in billy’s voice. he was infuriated. he hated her perhaps maybe more than you did. it’s always been this way—the two of you. he’s always been the man who protected you; who shielded you; who fought for you. and you were always there holding his hand as he does so, ready to back him up.

“how come?”

but with mrs. romanoff, against mrs. romanoff, it was different. her eyes were trained on him and him only. she did nothing to acknowledge your presence—you wouldn’t even be too surprised if she hadn’t realized you were here. but from the slightest chance that she might be watching you, from the slightest chance that your hand holding billy’s were caught from her peripheral, you slowly withdrew your hand, and took just the smallest step away from him so your skin doesn’t touch.

you know billy noticed this but he seemed to not have given it much thought. he was in here fighting for you knowing full-well he’s risking his future, and yours, in this university. you holding each other’s hand and being mistaken as a couple is not going to help your case. you deserve to be here. and you don’t deserve what you were given. and billy knows that. the last thing you want is for mrs. romanoff to further disregard your efforts, or any of the very little chance you have of winning this because she thought billy’s only doing this because you’re “his girlfriend”.

“she was the best in our grade!”

“i think you mistake this university for a small-town public school in west view,” she fixed her posture, straightening up when she pushes her chair further into the table and her hands rest on her desk.

“she doesn’t deserve this, and you know that! she worked day and night for your subject,” billy insists.

“i fear for her future if that’s the best her entire day’s work is worth for.”

you shrunk. you slowly hid behind billy though you were aware they both noticed. you wanted to cry. to scream into a pillow. she belittled you. and she did so without even acknowledging you at all, your presence to her was nothing. if you couldn’t see the way you hand was trembling, you would think you were invisible. from the way they were talking about you, to the way they were exchanging arguments as if you weren’t there. the very sole reason they’re even arguing, they almost pretend to not be here at all.

“that’s unfair. maybe you’d see how it’s worth if you’d even take the time to look at what she gives you before throwing it off.”

“why would i even give time for an output worth nothing more than what i throw in my trash can?”

“you are unfair! you give her all these work—,” billy’s voice raised to an extent you’ve never heard of, and even you were almost scared, but of course, mrs. romanoff wasn’t even fazed, if anything, she seemed to be getting bored of this whole thing.

her hooded eyelids dropped halfway, and her eyebrows tightened by the smallest bit. her patience was growing thin. and from the way her jaw clenched, you knew she was over it.

“and you are being disrespectful, mr. maximoff.” she said sternly.

“you’re biased. you humiliate her in class, you embarrass her, you pick on her. i don’t see you doing that to others. at least not to the same extent you do her. you’re wearing her off!”

by then you knew this shouldn’t go any further. he was blatantly disrespecting a professor, who as much as you hate, shouldn’t be disrespected by a student. at least, not to the extent billy was going for.

“and you, come in here accusing me; questioning me, a professor, with absolutely no regard for the inconsistencies and rather meritless of your argument.”

“i demand to see your grading sheet, because i assure you, you are making a mistake.”

mrs. romanoff abruptly stood up, placing both hands on the surface of her desk as she leaned towards it with anger painted across her features. “and i demand!... mr. maximoff,” her voice raised, and something about it, the coldness, the sharpness, the loudness, the entirety of it, almost made you cry. you were scared, your rapid heartbeat was evidence of that. “…that you leave. you have exhausted my patience. and i assure you, you will have no office of mine to barge into, or a university to attend if you further push your luck which i guarantee you is not more than what you’d have when you’re standing on very thin ice.”

“you wouldn’t…”

you put a hand on his shoulder. he was really pushing it. and mrs. romanoff wasn’t someone who you should be pushing it with. mrs. romanoff follows through. that much is evident as she consistently tore off your paper, without fail, every time you submit it.

“oh i’m sure you wouldn’t love to see me try.”

billy gave into her warning, but more so into you. you tolerated him—this, to a certain extent, especially since he was only fighting for you. but there’s a line, and with mrs. romanoff, it’s not something you should ever dare cross. billy listened to your implied warning too. he always listened to you. so with a scoff, he took your hand and prepared to leave, but as he was approaching the door, you pulled your hand from him to look at mrs. romanoff who, for the first time since you came in, finally was looking at you.

“are you going to continue being like this?” you asked. you weren’t as mean as billy was. you weren’t demanding. you were just sad. hopeless, almost.

“being what, miss y/n?”

“unreasonable.” you whispered but you know she heard you.

“if you see a reason for me not to be, then i wouldn’t.”

“don’t you think about how that might affect my future?” your voice was soft, kind.

“oh, i don’t think about you at all.”

her voice wasn’t. she was cold, almost proud; condescending.

a feeling inside you brewed. something about her eyes. how delicate they are. how enchanting. it couldn’t possibly belong to what a wretched-hearted woman she seems to be. she’s inviting, enticing. something about her pulls you in. intrigues you. now more than ever. now since ever.

you want to break mrs. romanoff. you want to see who she really is. not for revenge, not to hold it against her. simply because you’re curious. you’re aching to see mrs. romanoff—natasha. she couldn’t possibly just be that. mean.

she is not just that.

[stoopid-turtle]

the art of being a skeptical turtle

So this is a personal post more about my experience as a turtle. If you just want to get to the fun list of candies I totally buy into regardless of evidence, just skip down to where the asterisks are. (Consider this like a recipe attached to a blog post)

For those interested in the whole nerdery going on here, let me share that I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with bjyxszd. I wrote a whole series of posts about it to get my thoughts in order. Now I'm fully on the turtle train, but I find myself skeptical of some candies.

This is gonna get super-nerdy so hold on to your butts.

I'm a generally skeptical person. I come by it honestly. My parents literally subscribed to Skeptical Inquirer and Skeptics magazines. They (well, my dad mainly) were capital-S Skeptics. My family talked about logical fallacies, perceptual oddness, and the fallibility of memory over the dinner table.

Please don't back away. I know self-identified Skeptics are typically insufferable. I didn't know this as a kiddo, though, so the whole "thinking about things skeptically" became just my default way of processing stuff. Nowadays, I wouldn't call myself a Skeptic in the way that some in a particularly obnoxious subculture do. But I do tend to be a skeptical sort. I just don't...you know...think it makes me smarter/better/cooler than other folks.

(Actually, it makes me way less cool bc I can single-handedly ruin a fun party by expressing skepticism about something. Nobody likes a wet blanket. I know this)

My bestie in high school always called me Scully to his Mulder. He would believe anything he saw or read, whereas I didn't. Usually, I was right. Like when he totally thought that the Blair Witch Project was real found footage (It's not. Nobody thinks it is now, I know, but it was part of the promo at the time). On occasion, he was right. Like when he told me that some gray clouds we had overheard were from wildfires in Mexico. I scoffed bc, really, we weren't that close to Mexico. But he was right and I learned a valuable lesson on large-scale weather phenomenon. (He's still wrong about there being a picture of a light bulb in the pyramids though)

So, yeah, that's just how I process things. It's second-nature for me. But I reached a point with my generally skeptical outlook where I considered 2 things to see whether I really cared if people were buying into something I thought was false.

The stakes. If a person believes X, what does that lead to? If I don't believe Y, even though it's true, what does that lead to?

There's a whole bunch of political stuff that heightens the stakes. To take a ridiculous (and outdated one), when I was growing up, there was a common story that AIDS hopped from apes to humans because a gay man had sex with an ape and then had sex with other humans. Thus, the AIDS epidemic.

The stakes of other people buying into that homophobic nonsense were (and are) life and death. (If you believe that...uh...bye?) It's something that's worth me being the obnoxious Scully if I hear someone buying into it.

The stakes of, say, my high school bestie believing that The Blair Witch Project was real found footage was...nothing. It just made him want to see the movie more. Nobody was hurt. It didn't matter.

I argued with him at the time, but I probably wouldn't anymore.

The stakes for believing that bjyxszd, here in international fandom, are perhaps higher than the Blair Witch thing. But only barely. If somebody believes in a particular rumor/candy that I don't think is real, it affects literally nothing. We're both still turtles. We have a lot more in common than we do difference with regards to YiZhan. Likewise, the effect of me not believing a candy that may be true is nil. Gg and dd are not impacted in any way.

(I think things may be different for c-fans, but that's not at all a thing I'm qualified to delve into. I can only account for myself in my context)

2. The other thing I consider is the context. That is, how likely are we to know the actual truth?

Scientific claims have a method to test them (and claims that can't be tested are just...not something science addresses). Claims about current events can be researched using journalism methods or whatever. For that homophobic AIDS story, there's ways to prove that it's not true. For the Blair Witch thing...well, the actors went on the talk show circuit for promo so, you know, the real footage myth was quickly lifted.

Celebrities exist in a different context. Like most people, they have a private life that is not accessible to people on the outside. If they choose to open up about that life, then cool. But if they don't or can't do so (like is the case with YiZhan), then they'll try to keep their private life out of sight of fans.

It really hit home to me when I was doing the bts thing how little of dd and gg we saw in the Untamed bts. We see even less of them now. I'm at peace with the fact that I just will never know much about these guys (I wrote a whole post about it). But the fact that there's a big mass of the unknown means that the possibilities are endless. We don't know and we'll never know.

So I don't have any more authority on anything gg or dd related than anybody else does. So why would I attempt to question or dismiss candies that other people find compelling? At the end of the day, there is a truth, but it's not accessible to us, so anything we come up with is just extrapolation.

Which is fine. It's fun. I think there's real stuff going on. (If I didn't, I wouldn't be here) But it means there's no real point arguing about the specific candies.

(and to be clear, I don't see turtles doing this, really. so this is all just me reiterating my own approach to things bc I'm a person who processes thoughts through long tumblr posts apparently) (and it's not a reaction to any particular candy. this post has been in my drafts for ages)

I think I'm a hard sell on a lot of candies, and I'm definitely the fuddy-duddy who just squints and asks a bunch of obnoxious questions about things.

But I ask those questions of myself and don't feel the need to annoy other turtles with them because, honestly, we're all in this boat together. Some candies appeal to particular turtles more than others, and I think we all kinda have our personal preferences for which ones resonate with us. I'm not here to rain on anybody's parade, especially as we all have way more in common just bc we all believe in bjyxszd.

This is all a long-winded way to explain how I think about candies, honestly. Or more, how I assess candies that are new-to-me and figure out whether to buy into it or not. With anything involving bjyx, I also leave a lot of room for there just being an unknown and unknowable. Again, the stakes are low, and if I'm wrong about any particular candy (in either direction), then...oh well? It affects literally nothing.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

So here's the fun part! The list of candies that I fully admit don't have a whole lot going for them (by my stupidly exacting standards) but that I totally buy into just because I like them.

Basically all lip-readings, but especially this one

(if you don't want to click thru, this is the moment from the Nanjing farewell concert where dd and gg seem to flirt about photos while on-stage)

Okay, I know, rationally, that lip-readings are always gonna be shaky. I mean, I've seen Medieval Land Fun-Time World. If I'm honest with myself, I know that the lip-readings are basically fluffy candy.

But whatever. I choose to believe them. This moment, especially, I adore (and it does come with dd posting a bare-faced photo after!). I think their big grins while openly flirting with each other on stage just jazzes me enough to pretend.

It's all true. I totally believe it.

Related to this is:

2. Any and all CPN about dd and/or gg seeing turtle signs and smiling or otherwise reacting positively.

I've seen such CSI-worthy analysis of sight-lines to try to establish with precision where dd or gg is looking at the moment they smile/look happy. I have no idea how much any of it holds up, and it's not worth the bother to try to confirm any of it.

But whatever. I like it. I believe it. I'll probably believe it everytime it happens.

3. Advanced Bombology.

So there's some things that aren't in dispute here. We definitely know that gg suddenly cut an Olay commercial ad from a 2 day shoot to a 1 day shoot, and it's a reasonable assumption that he did so to be at the DDU anniversary episode with GG.

The rest is a little fuzzy. The video details dd being kinda grouchy in interviews before the DDU shoot, and it also shares an anon rumor from a person who claimed to overhear dd in a studio restroom arguing on the phone with gg. This rumor came out a year after the event.

The rest of the video is some interpretation of the boys' behavior/mood in the DDU anniversary ep.

So, like, I get that anon rumors a year on maybe aren't the most solid evidence for anything. But whatever, I buy it.

And the interpretation of the boys' mood seems true to me, especially the moment where the interviewer asks gg if they'd discussed his visit ahead of time. Gg def does a sweatdrop, panic pause, look at dd moment and waits for dd's lead to answer. I find a lot of mood interpretation from videos a bit much, but this feels real.

In fact, the whole thing just feels real. Maybe that's why it's easy for me to buy. It feels like a real argument a couple would have.

4. The 5/22 fight during CQL shooting.

I talked about this back when I was doing the bts in order.

In tl;dr, dd gives gg a bit of a brush-off response to something. gg responds by cold shouldering him and then doing some passive aggressive sniping about how dd doesn't want gg to care about him. dd gets upset, then he apologizes, then they go on to watch something on one of their phones.

The basis of this one is some gossip plus a video shot from a distance that requires reading lips. So we know that's already fuzzy, and I know I approached this with some skepticism in my earlier post. That was just to be rational about things so as to be honest with myself.

In truth, I buy it. I buy the argument. I buy the lip-reading. Again, it feels real.

5. GG's card to turtles

This is one of those frustrating ones I'm having trouble refinding. Darn.

The upshot, and I'm going from memory, is that there's a CPN about a card written to turtles ostensibly from gg. This came with some handwriting comparison to try to match the signature to gg's known signature.

This isn't something I'd place bets on, because...seriously, it's so fuzzy.

But in my heart, I believe it for no reason other than that I want to.

6. DD as gg's mystery driver

Okay, there's a couple such incidents. One quite recently. Where gg's driver is mysteriously masked such that you can't see their face.

And, truth, it could be literally anybody under there. But for me, it's dd. No need to give me painstaking comparisons of hands or whatever. I'm fully in on this one.

7. The bone necklace.

Ack, don't hate me for this one!

When I was doing my posts about stuff that had convinced me that gg and dd were still together, I stumbled with the bone necklace. To me, it's the main thing that convinces me, but if I'm honest, it really is kinda a leap of faith thing.

With the ox-head necklace, we have the fancam footage to back it up as being from gg. All we have for the bone necklace is the timing and the precedent of dd having already worn a necklace from gg. That's shaky, really.

In fact, I think I saw some other dd CP claiming the bone necklace as theirs (I saw them also claiming the Leica camera). I think they're wrong, but I don't have any solid proof to say so.

I think the most I can say is that there are much harder evidences that gg and dd are still together. But these typically involve massive privacy violations so I'm not eager to spread them around (I kinda hate that I stumble upon them, tbh). But in any case, it has me convinced, so if I already know gg and dd are a couple, then of course the bone necklace is related.

But on its own, the bone necklace is a leap.

Okay, that all said, since I (finally) had a photo of dd last time I posted, I'm dropping a random gg photo here. Not my favorite, cause pls don't make me choose, but one that hangs out my head throughout the days.

[crisisreading]

Continuing from my last post, here are my dislikes for the PJO TV series (I recognize that we are halfway through the series and some things on this list may be addressed):

- Is it just me who thinks that the life of a demigod seems a bit less dangerous? In episode 1 where Percy describes seeing mythical beings throughout his life, it just comes off as more fanciful than scary. And it definitely seems that Alecto and the Minotaur are the first times he’s been attacked outright, whereas in the books there have been attempts on his life since he was a baby.

- I don’t think there was enough setup for the stolen lightning bolt and brewing war between Zeus and Poseidon. In the books, Percy mentions consistent bad weather and storms, he has dreams of the sky and the sea being at war with each other, and it even storms at Camp Half-Blood (something which should be impossible).

- I didn’t like how some aspects of Percy’s background were whitewashed. Percy comes from a poor family. He and Sally always struggled financially and I don’t feel this was conveyed in the show. In the books, Percy references having to sell candy out of his dorm, and take on odd jobs like walking dogs or cleaning up horse manure after the NYC Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. This boy is literally 12! Gabe is even known to take money from Percy and Sally.

- Also, I didn’t like how Gabe was made to be a bumbling fool instead of the abuser he was. The abuse that Percy faced as a child had a major impact on him. It influenced his sense of justice and also colored the way he interacts with all male role models in his life. As for Sally, we see her grow from being a passive victim to a woman capable of fighting during the Battle of Manhattan, all because she was emboldened by her son’s heroics. Overall, I just don’t think this change helped either Percy or Sally’s characters.

- This last one is a teeny tiny nitpick, but I’m sad that the show scrapped having Percy and Annabeth broadcast to Olympus during the Tunnel of Love scene. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it does emphasize that not only do the gods treat demigods like pawns on a chessboard, but they also actively see their struggles as cheap entertainment.

Please let me know your dislikes and if you agree/disagree with mine!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hi, can I ask, who are your top 5 (or top 3) seme & uke from your favorite BL media (can be manga/manhwa/danmei/tv series/movies)? Why love them?

Hello! Thank you for the ask, I have been horrendously busy with very good things, so I did not ignore your ask, just have not had time or brain space to answer until now. I’ll be honest with you, I came in to this fandom from BL series with little to no background in yaoi before that, so I am not the most familiar with uke and seme as a concept. But, looking it up gave me the following definitions: 

Uke (受け): The term Uke, in Japanese, literally means "receiver" or "one who receives". In the Yaoi context, Uke is the more passive, submissive, and generally younger or physically smaller character in the relationship.

Seme (攻め): The term Seme, in Japanese, literally means "attacker" or "one who attacks". In the Yaoi context, the Seme is the more dominant, assertive, and usually older or physically larger character in the relationship.

So with those definitions in mind, my five favorite seme and ukes are: 

Masumi and Ritsu- The End of the World with You

Any one who has not watched this show should stop reading this post and go watch End of the World With You instead. Masumi and Ritsu had such an interesting dynamic and it was really fun to watch the changing in their relationship between college and the apocalypse. 

It felt to me like Masumi was rather stuck on his personality from college, a quiet and reserved person, who could not quite let go of the pain of being betrayed by Ritsu, even though he entered in to a relationship he was warned was not going to be romantic. It was cool to see how Ritsu mellowed out/matured more as an adult, and how that seme style personality was employed within the show in ways that allowed Masumi to forgo filial obligations and allow himself to stay with Ritsu and Yuma on their road trip. 

Vegas and Pete- KinnPorsche 

Okay, let’s get the more obvious ones out of the way first, before I get to talk about the really juicy ones. But, I fucking love VegasPete. I love them so much, I’d say that it’s just because of my First BL Drama goggles, but I’ve seen this show 15 times now, and just recently rewatched it, with over 120 BLs under my belt, and they still hold strong for me. I just- 

For me, they are so well written. Both the characters as individuals, Pete does tend to serve as a comic relief at the beginning, but even with relatively minimal screen time, they are really able to give him enough depth by the end that the character feels real, feels like he has a life and a history that exist outside of the confines of the story, and that his life history does impact how he operates in the world. I love the way that the narrative really is able to turn Vegas around in to a more wet and pathetic person by the end, so much so that I had a front row seat to watching my friends slowly learn to love him as they watched this show for the first time. 

I’d put Vegas as Pete’s kidnapper, torturer, and captor as the seme in their relationship and Pete as the kidnapped, prisoner, pet, and free therapist as the uke there. Something that I was interested in seeing with The Sign was a BL that was going to cover hypermasculinity, and while I don’t think KinnPorsche is something I would consider hypermasculine, I do think that Vegas and Pete have a very interesting relationship because they both are pretty masc, and therefore they can fight each other, and Pete can give Vegas a run for his fucking money in a fight, while still being able to maintain what I would consider a seme and uke dynamic. 

But ultimately my favorite thing about them is the emotional complexity to their relationship, not whether or not they fit the seme & uke definitions. That scene in Episode 13 when Pete and Vegas fight, and Pete knocks Vegas out and escapes remains one of my favorites in KinnPorsche and sits pretty firmly in my huge assortment of favorite scenes in BL because it was really fun watching those characters navigate the emotional minefield that was captivity, love, hatred, freedom, dehumanization, desperation, violence, and pain. Good shit, at least in my opinion. 

Hira and Kiyo- Utsukushii Kare 

A trend with some of my favorite seme/uke characters is that they tend to subvert expectations when looked at from just a historically “top” or “bottom” perspective as it relates to seme and uke terminology in yaoi. 

Hira and Kiyoi are one of my favorite seme and uke pairs because Hira and Kiyoi subvert the expectation about who the seme and uke are. My impression of Utsukushii Kare is that Kiyoi is the uke and Hira is the seme, despite the fact that Hira is physically smaller and submissive to Kiyoi. And while I am not well versed in seme/uke tropes in yaoi, @bengiyo is very knowledgeable in the positionality of semes and ukes in Japanese yaoi, and spoke about the positionality of Hira and Kiyoi in Utsukushii Kare in one of the The Conversation Pod episodes where he talked about Hira and Kiyoi constantly being in a battle about placing themselves lower in relation to one another, and who was on the left versus who was on the right. I really love how so much of their own internal relationship fights are really structured around the fact that Kiyoi wants Hira to be on the attack, (and we see that Hira is literally capable of being on the attack when it comes to defending Kiyoi) but in order for that to happen, Hira need to cut the hero worship bullshit and look at Kiyoi like a human being. 

Without a solid understanding of the seme/uke tropes, the positionality, the hair color, etc. I think it is relatively easy to miss that thread in their arguments, I definitely did. Which is fine, because Utsukushii Kare is strongly written and therefore their fights are layered with additional meaning on top so everyone has something to pull from their relationship struggles. But once My Beautiful Man: Eternal came out, we finally got an explicit statement from Kiyoi where he asked Hira if he ever fantasized about being manhandled. Which to me is the most obvious call-out to that aspect of their relationship that we had in the show.  

Also, from just a character perspective, Hira is a little freak and I love him and his ducks, and Kiyoi is just a sweetheart who deserves all of the love in the world. 

Ji Hyun and Jae Won- The Eighth Sense

That country mouse sure knows what he wants and is willing to die to get that dick so like, there is no way I can’t put Ji Hyun on the list. Massive respect to that little twink, dude joined the surf club when he didn’t know how to swim, drowned, and nearly died so he could bag Jae Won and he did. Similarly to Hira and Kiyoi, I don’t think going in to this show you would quite expect Ji Hyun to be the pursuer in the relationship, but he very quickly lets us all know what is up. And it works so well here because Jae Won as a character spend so much of his time unmoored. He’s passive, he’s quiet, he’s dissociative for, like, 90% of the show, and it is so wonderful to see the ways that Ji Hyun’s repeated advances, both his more subtle attempts and his more blatant are one of few things that are able to get a genuine and happy reaction out of Jae Won. 

I love the moments they shared together in Episode 6; as much as it hurts, I love the way Ji Hyun’s accident so strongly impact Jae Won just to show you how much of a positive impact Ji Hyun’s pursuit has had on his life, I love the places where Ji Hyun’s accident results in Jae Won starting to have a more active (and aggressive) control over his own life; and I love the way that Ji Hyun does not stop trying to give Jae Won as much love as he can send his way. The way Ji Hyun knows to expect Jae Won the second that he sees that Read message appear under the texts he’d sent Jae Won, the way the show is filled with light whenever they are together, the way that Jae Won is more relaxed, and smiles and laughs more easily as a result of receiving all of this love and care from Ji Hyun. 

Their relationship is excellent, Ji Hyun’s horny little ass is excellent, The Eighth Sense is excellent. I love them.  

Wang and Inthawut- 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

 

Ok, I don’t know if this is a controversial choice or not, because I would not consider 180 Degree a BL at all. Nor would I ultimately consider Wang and Inthawut’s relationship to be romantic at least by the end of this show. But I do think that a) they fit the seme and uke definitions above super legibly and b) they once again subvert the expectation of which character falls under each role. There has never been a more passive motherfucker in all of the world as Inthawut. Wang is one of the most aggressive pursuers I have ever seen in media, he is assertive, he knows exactly what he wants, he will give it all to Inthawut if it means he gets some goddamn answers from the adults in his life that are too fucking scared to answer any of his questions if it means facing their pasts. 

Was this just an excuse to talk about 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us because it is one of my favorite shows of all time and put me through the emotional wringer? Maybe. But I do think the point still stands that Wang is there trying to give his all to Inthawut, and Inthawut is there desperately fighting with every fiber of his being not to receive anything from Wang. 

[dragonsrfire]

THOUGHTS? DEAD POET'S SOCIETY EDITION

Just thoughts I wanted to get out there

So Dead Poet's Society? Right? Now that I think of it was a film that came out when my dad was in his like late teens (technically he was around the same age as some of the cast). And somehow this film - made and released during their time has been one that resonated with the next generation? I am looking at the film and thinking, and I couldn't help but wonder.

I am not talking specifically about the aesthetic or anything but namely how this one film was definitely not made for my demographic. However - 35 or so years later I read a post here or come across a playlist or an edit or a series of head canons - I see how much this single film has impacted generations who came after.

I relate to this film on a very personal level (put the shipping factors aside). I remember watching scenes with Neil and I could almost recall having similar conversations in life and I had to take a step back and think as to why I wanted to block this film out for a while. I resonated with Todd as a writer but also as someone who had a very similar experience (shy - lack of confidence - but one who found their people). Other than that there were relationships within the story that made me look back at the ones I have and had and all that I am grateful for.

Also as a coming of age film I feel like it is one of the most realistic ones out there. The themes and the extremely bittersweet ending are raw and it hit me like a pile of bricks. The fact that they fell apart because of the things they loved - the heart of the group not being there made things drift apart - and those dreamers and poets who speak out are the ones to leave behind a deeply flawed system (and the cause and reason and leaving is depicted in extremely sad ways - they might give up on everything - or be kicked out for what they believed in - or carry extreme guilt for the rest of their lives) - There are those who fall in love and the ones that betray you and all of that can happen in just a few month. Things that took years to build like friendships and fellowships can crumble because of something external and all you believed in might not fix that.

(Also something weird just jog my memory if I am wrong but throughout the film these three use O Captain, My Captain - and its all in important moments - The last one to use it is Todd - Which I just think just captures his growth - he's taken up the confidence brought by two of his closest friends and a teacher who changed his life for at least a small fraction in time)

I had a few teachers in my life like Keating. They are the reason I never gave up on writing or doing things I love. They gave me reason to believe that I had something small I could put to use - I had a teacher who taught me at 14 who told me to never give up writing and another teacher who told me to continue writing poetry - another who showed to me that I should continue to fall in love with reading - another who showed me that the world was beyond the academics (as I studied classics - it was far more than that cookie cutter stereotype) - Also Keating as a teacher who actually listens - who is there to guide and help the boxes that literally hold students in uniformity

I don't know why - and how a film from the past can have such an impact on me in the 21st century - Very few films have impacted me in this manner and most of the films that have impacted me in that way were released in my lifetime. That being said I think myself lucky to have this to go back to. The film is a cathartic ritual of living, laughing in the moment and weeping and crying afterwards.

[bookofmirth]

Uhhh what did I miss? Why are big artists leaving the fandom and what did fairyloot do?

Fairyloot didn't do anything - this fandom is just entitled and out of control.

Fairyloot released the designs for their special edition ToG a couple of days ago, and some people disliked it. I say "some" because the post now has 50k likes and plenty of people do actually like the designs, I personally like them and if I had the disposable income I'd buy them.

So people flooded the comments with complaints. I mean it's over 4k comments now. Not all of them are negative, but many of them are incredibly rude and entitled. Like astonishingly so.

But they couldn't leave it at that - they had to go to the page of the book designer and the fan artist and leave rude comments on their pages, too.

Do people have legit things that make sense to want to change? Perhaps. Making the stag white would make sense if that was literally supposed to be the Lord of the North and not just a stag. I guess the wyvern is the wrong color if it's supposed to literally be Abraxos and not just an abstraction of wyverns, of which there are many in the book. In terms of the color and design of the covers, they were going for a vintage look, which the book designer explained, and is something I clocked before she even made that comment.

And the allegations of plagiarism are ridiculous considering the similarities between the two special editions are elements coming from the damn series. I mean, a landscape? In art? Fucking revolutionary /s

The thing is, even if all of these feelings are justified - you can be sad that the colors aren't vibrant, you can be sad that they are relatively monochromatic, you can think that there are other, better special editions out there - that doesn't fucking mean that you need to tell the whole world how you feel, especially when it's going to negatively impact the people who worked really hard to create these books. And what's more, these special editions are a luxury item. No one has to buy them. No one is owed the specific design that they want.

These assholes probably already own and have read the series. If they think someone else has done it better, and for cheaper, then go buy that other version!!!! Go commission someone else for their hard work then, bestie! And you'll quickly find out that people's hard work and time is actually quite valuable and probably regret your decision.

All the comments saying it's a cash grab - I'm sorry, are you not on the page of a store that sells things in order to make money???? Are you fucking stupid???? "This thing that is completely optional to my ability to live and has no impact on my quality of life that I don't need to buy is too expensive and doesn't look how I would want it to" okay, and? Go cry to the group chat.

All the people saying "it's constructive comments/constructive criticism" -

Did they fucking ask??? Fairyloot didn't post asking what people think, they posted saying "here's the design". If you don't like it, don't buy it.

And there is a way to deliver constructive criticism that isn't harmful. A few hundred people commenting the same snarky, passive aggressive shit over and over is NOT constructive criticism. If people were really concerned about that message getting to Fairyloot and the artists, then all they would have to do is find a comment they felt expressed what they agree with - because there are plenty - like that comment, and perhaps respond saying that they agree. Engage with that comment. Don't fucking dogpile with the same. Goddamn. Comment. Over. And. Fucking. Over. And apparently there were a bunch of reels deconstructing how much the book design sucked too, which I didn't even watch or get into.

People are really out here on the internet acting like no one else is human or has feelings.

So yeah, now big artists are leaving the fandom and tbh, if I were a visual artist, I would have left a long time ago. Other well-known authors are commenting on those artists' posts (Sabaa Tahir, Stephanie Garber, Shannon Chakraborty) in support of the artists.

It's beyond embarrassing to be part of this community so I'm just... pretty much done with it.

[writtenbymkl]

Synopsis: Isn’t it every fan’s dream to get hit by a car? Especially if it’s going to be caused by the driver of your favorite NCT member? Oh, and a few days before you have to attend the concert at that.

Pairing: Idol!Mark x Fan!Y/n

Genre: comedy, angst, idol life, romance

Started: N/A

Ended: N/A

Updates: Saturdays

Author's note: I literally was doing my astronomy homework for the first time and actually trying to study when I was thinking about the Dream concert and camping when my brain was like "imagine you got hit by a car and it was mark" 0.0 so here's a new series dedicated to that because I'm bored and I love mark. I know I keep posting a lot of mark content but he's my bias and I know him a little more than the others, at least to write longer content not only that but I need requests to write because I completely blank for other members ^.^

EXCLAIMER: i’ll only commit to the series if there’s interest in it ! i don’t really want to be writing thousands of words if no one’s going to read so i wrote a sneak peek just to see if it gathers any interest !!

SNEAK PEEK

And I wanna be the best thing, I   

The best you ever had 

It’s a shame they took this off the setlist right after their Japan tour, you thought. A great way to start off your morning on the way to work. The coffee shop to be exact. Now, you didn’t exactly hate the coffee shop or working but you enjoyed the customers that came with it. Something new was happening every day, whether that be someone getting dumped and having an iced coffee poured on them or your coworker getting into a fight with a customer for not getting their order right. You enjoyed every single minute of it. 

You walk along the sidewalk to the beat of the song when your favorite part in Best Friend Ever comes on. And of course, the line goes to the one and only Mark Lee of NCT. You don’t mean to be biased but it’s not your fault they give him all the good lines.  

Nobody tries to get between us   

Get between us 

The day is almost here, the day where you get to see Mark and NCT Dream in the flesh. You’ve seen Mark about three times, Haechan twice, and the Dreamies once but there’s only so much you can handle. You made it your mission to get those tickets the second they went on sale. Your phone is holding two tickets to general admission which amounts to your whole paycheck. 

You see the coffee shop right across the street once you get to the crosswalk. You take a look at the people standing all around you, it looks like they’re heading somewhere as well. You notice someone looking at you from your peripheral view, so you quickly turn your head to face them. But not before your right airpod flies out of your ear. 

“What the heck, man,” you said as you lean down to pick it up from the ground. Great, now you have to clean it when you get to work. As you're in the process of leaning down, the same people that were standing around you are now walking forwards kicking your headphone further onto the street.

You get pushed slightly by the people as you try to look for your lost airpod. “Wait, don’t push me, hold on, I’m trying to pick up my headphone.” You quickly look up from the ground to see the crosswalk sign is at fifteen seconds, that’s enough time to find it.  

Suddenly, you hear three loud honks coming from the right of you. You look to your right and see a black BMV coming towards you, not too fast but also not slow enough. You don’t even have time to react before it hits you and knocks you to the ground a few feet away from where you originally were. Groaning, you feel an immense amount of throbbing in your head and feel something wet in your hair. You can barely move your legs since the car had impacted them, but you don’t think they’re completely broken either.  

You hear doors slam shut and hear two pairs of feet running towards you. You think there would be more but it’s only five in the morning. Your eyes are closed, and your ears are ringing as you try to slightly open your eyes when you hear muffled voices talking. 

“Oh my god,” You hear a voice panic. “We’re going to jail. I’m going to jail. These tiktoks about us going to jail are about to come true.”  

“Mark, calm down, go back inside the car, I’ll try to handle this. I don’t think you’re in the right state of mind to talk.” You manage to open your eyes a bit when you notice an older man who looks around his forties and another boy walking away from you. 

“Oh great, you’re not dead,” the older man sighs out while holding a hand to his chest. You let out a groan as you try to push yourself up. The man notices and rushes towards you quickly and puts a hand on your back. 

“Don’t try to get up, you’re not in stable condition.”  

“Yeah, you think?” You ask as you side eye him. 

“Mark, come help carry her so we can get her in the car,” he says while waving over the boy who was standing near the BMV. He’s wearing a white mask so you can’t see his face very well. 

“Dude, I am like so sorry we hit you, if it were me driving, this would’ve never happened. Except I can’t drive yet, so this guy is doing it for me.” The older man and the boy are both at each side of your body when they carefully lift you off the ground.  

“Yeah, and your guy completely ran me over and ruined my chances of seeing NCT Dream since what do you know? My legs are injured,” You bitterly say as you look over to the boy. His eyes are wide as he pauses. 

“Mark, what are you standing around for? We have to get her to the hospital,” You freeze.  

“What did you say?” You whip your head to look at the man.

 

“Jesus Christ don’t do that, you almost gave me a heart attack,” he sighs holding his free hand to his chest once again. “I said we have to get you to the hospital.” You whip your head back to look at the boy just for his face to be facing the other way. 

“Mark? Like Mark Lee from NCT?” You ask.  

“Haha, whaaat? Who is that?” His voice gets higher as he fixes his mask. Your right hand reaches over to quickly yank down the mask from his face.  

“Yo, what the-” You knew it. You would know that voice from anywhere since you’ve heard over thousands of times online. 

Your eyes are wide. “No way...”  

“Why’d you yank down my mask, oh my god,” Mark quickly says he rushes to lift it back on his face.  

“Oh no, this isn’t good,” The older man sighs. Turning your head to the right, you take a good look at his face.  

“And why the hell not?” 

“Because you’re a fan.”  

“Well cut my legs and call me shorty because I’m a fan with nonfunctioning ones,” You state. 

You hear Mark burst into sudden laughter. “Um, what?”  

“You guys are paying for my hospital bill, right?” 

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

18 on the choose violence 😏

EDIT: As y'all may have guessed, my queue I was saving drafts of these in was running last night and I forgot to switch the time over so here's the real answer.

18 - It's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on: you want me to CHOOSE?!? You expect me to CHOOSE just ONE character from Sandman that the fandom sleeps on?!?!?!? Oh, jail for 1000 years - well let me spin the roulette wheel Rose and Jed.

ROSE. God I'm emotional about her. She's been through so much, the loss of her baby brother with a father who it's implied was not the nicest, lost her mother and her best friend in the same year, and she nearly destroyed the world but yknow what, she literally did nothing wrong here. She called Dream an asshole and totally got away with it. She's got gay hair and gayer friends (fellow bi!Rose truthers anyone???? Hello??? Someone else please discuss, queer people do all tend to flock together) and I hope she gets everything she wants.

I really want to explore the possibilities of a growing relationship with her and her immortal family sometime. Morpheus isn't just going to forget about her and Jed and him looking out for her baby brother is the only way I can see her kind of starting to warm up to him again. Like I WANT to see that weird tense but possibly loving relationship explored. Dream clearly respected her intelligence and wanted to give her more information (even if he was also using her to find the Corinthian which. Not cool).

(Also I think she'd go NUTS for the library of Dreams. Like she's a writer and suddenly she's seeing all the books never published?? Who wouldn't want to read them all?)

I have feelings about the parallels between her and Death. Plus I have a hc as some of my friends already know, that in one of Rose's low moments Despair finds her and something about the fact that this girl is family tugs at her. She has her function and her duties but she also has a sense of loyalty. So that could cause some seriously juicy potential internal conflict for her AND Rose honestly kind of needs an outlet for her bottled up grief and the weightof responsibility she feels. For Jed, for Lyta and her son...feel free to ask or dm me if you want to know more this post is already long enough xD

(And the fact that in a series where she's ONE OF THE MAIN FUCKING CHARACTERS for multiple episodes of this series she gets so much less attention ON HER OWN SELF - I'm talking art and fic overall PERIOD, let alone stuff where she gets any interiority of her own or her character taken seriously is just. I don't even know man)

jED. My precious baby boy my son. I want to give him a hug. I want to wrap him in a warm blanket and give him cocoa and as much popcorn as he wants. Dream's reaction to Jed was in fact channeling me. This kid has been through too much and he deserves to live a happier life with his sister, so thank God he's gonna get it.

(But also does anyone wanna talk to me about the fact that Jed is a possible candidate for Dream's successor when he's older and might be even more viable than MASSIVE COMIC SPOILER ALERT Daniel Hall and all the ways this could complicate things HELLO.)

Miranda Walker - either the gif search function is broken which isn't beyond the realm of possibility here, or I couldn't find one gif of her in this show. And I KNOW people have made them I just can't find one...sigh

But I really want her to get more attention because her story is so potentially fascinating even if she barely got any screen time. Like this girl is the granddaughter of Desire, that must've massively impacted her life. I want to know how she dealt with the relationship with her children's father going sour and him taking Jed away and her struggling to raise her kids.

And last but certainly not least drumroll please...UNITY. That's right we're giving the whole Walker-Kincaid family some love!!

HER. The queen the legend the moment.

Her story man...it gets me emotional every time. She could've had a life in the waking world. I really want to see more about what her dream life (which we know she experienced as real, with time passing and all, because of the things she said about it) was like. Even without Desire, how did she handle basically growing up in Wonderland surrounded by dreams? (I can't take credit for the Alice in Wonderland vibes that was @violetoftheendless 's great idea.) Did she make friends and a new found family there? Did she see signs she didn't understand at the time of dreams and nightmares falling into chaos and eventually leaving the realm in a slow trickle?

But also she's just such a genuinely lovely person. She took Rose into her heart without a second thought and was prepared to take Jed - I'm sure she didn't know how much more time she had but she knew she didn't have forever, and she wanted a family again and she'd lost her own parents long ago and never gotten to say goodbye...and the kicker is, unlike in the comic where she's basically on her deathbed already, she COULD have possibly lived a little longer. But she chose to sacrifice her new life to save Rose's. If this woman doesn't deserve the Spirit of Love label like I've seen in some truly beautiful meta from @windsweptinred I don't know who does. BUT ALSO she's not a perfect inhuman angel either, she is capable of being charmed by the Corinthian, which - looking around at the fandom, one can see she's not alone so I for one can't blame her too much, but also she met the king of dreams and nightmares and within less than 5 minutes called him a himbo to his face. She's beautifully human with icon behavior and Sandra James-Young deserves all the credit in the world for this role.