#literally what thought process occurred here if any

[utilitycaster]

I've been accused of arrogance many a time and yeah, there's some truth to that, but I am the image of humility compared to people who put their random D&D PCs in actual play main tags or as reblogs/replies to barely related posts.

[purpledemonlilyposting]

Okay it's time for me to go a bit crouching retard hidden genius here, take off the clown nose and put my thinking cap on. Cause unlike many, many people who reference Nineteen Eighty-Four I've actually read it. Several times. And not as a school mandate.

What does "He loved Big Brother" tell you about media literacy?

Like what even is that point, Lorch? What does just knowing the final sentence of the book tell you about someone's media literacy? What do YOU even think that line means? Cause I'd love to hear it and I doubt you've ever actually read the fucking book.

There are many take-aways you can have from Nineteen Eighty-Four regarding the control of the populace through deception, fear, propaganda, regulation, indoctrination of the young, the dumbing down of language, and sheer hypocrisy. I'd be more interested in someone's take on passages like this to gauge their media literacy:

'It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. Of course the great wastage is in the verbs and adjectives, but there are hundreds of nouns that can be got rid of as well. It isn't only the synonyms; there are also the antonyms. After all, what justification is there for a word which is simply the opposite of some other word? A word contains its opposite in itself. Take "good", for instance. If you have a word like "good", what need is there for a word like "bad"? "Ungood" will do just as well -- better, because it's an exact opposite, which the other is not. Or again, if you want a stronger version of "good", what sense is there in having a whole string of vague useless words like "excellent" and "splendid" and all the rest of them? "Plusgood" covers the meaning, or "doubleplusgood" if you want something stronger still. Of course we use those forms already. but in the final version of Newspeak there'll be nothing else. In the end the whole notion of goodness and badness will be covered by only six words -- in reality, only one word. Don't you see the beauty of that, Winston? It was B.B.'s idea originally, of course,' he added as an afterthought. A sort of vapid eagerness flitted across Winston's face at the mention of Big Brother. Nevertheless Syme immediately detected a certain lack of enthusiasm. 'You haven't a real appreciation of Newspeak, Winston,' he said almost sadly. 'Even when you write it you're still thinking in Oldspeak. I've read some of those pieces that you write in The Times occasionally. They're good enough, but they're translations. In your heart you'd prefer to stick to Oldspeak, with all its vagueness and its useless shades of meaning. You don't grasp the beauty of the destruction of words. Do you know that Newspeak is the only language in the world whose vocabulary gets smaller every year?' Winston did know that, of course. He smiled, sympathetically he hoped, not trusting himself to speak. Syme bit off another fragment of the dark-coloured bread, chewed it briefly, and went on: 'Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it. Every concept that can ever be needed, will be expressed by exactly one word, with its meaning rigidly defined and all its subsidiary meanings rubbed out and forgotten. Already, in the Eleventh Edition, we're not far from that point. But the process will still be continuing long after you and I are dead. Every year fewer and fewer words, and the range of consciousness always a little smaller. Even now, of course, there's no reason or excuse for committing thoughtcrime. It's merely a question of self-discipline, reality-control. But in the end there won't be any need even for that. The Revolution will be complete when the language is perfect. Newspeak is Ingsoc and Ingsoc is Newspeak,' he added with a sort of mystical satisfaction. 'Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?'

The speech had been proceeding for perhaps twenty minutes when a messenger hurried on to the platform and a scrap of paper was slipped into the speaker's hand. He unrolled and read it without pausing in his speech. Nothing altered in his voice or manner, or in the content of what he was saying, but suddenly the names were different. Without words said, a wave of understanding rippled through the crowd. Oceania was at war with Eastasia! The next moment there was a tremendous commotion. The banners and posters with which the square was decorated were all wrong! Quite half of them had the wrong faces on them. It was sabotage! The agents of Goldstein had been at work! There was a riotous interlude while posters were ripped from the walls, banners torn to shreds and trampled underfoot. The Spies performed prodigies of activity in clambering over the rooftops and cutting the streamers that fluttered from the chimneys. But within two or three minutes it was all over. The orator, still gripping the neck of the microphone, his shoulders hunched forward, his free hand clawing at the air, had gone straight on with his speech. One minute more, and the feral roars of rage were again bursting from the crowd. The Hate continued exactly as before, except that the target had been changed. The thing that impressed Winston in looking back was that the speaker had switched from one line to the other actually in midsentence, not only without a pause, but without even breaking the syntax. But at the moment he had other things to preoccupy him. It was during the moment of disorder while the posters were being torn down that a man whose face he did not see had tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'Excuse me, I think you've dropped your brief-case.' He took the brief-case abstractedly, without speaking. He knew that it would be days before he had an opportunity to look inside it. The instant that the demonstration was over he went straight to the Ministry of Truth, though the time was now nearly twenty-three hours. The entire staff of the Ministry had done likewise. The orders already issuing from the telescreen, recalling them to their posts, were hardly necessary. Oceania was at war with Eastasia: Oceania had always been at war with Eastasia. A large part of the political literature of five years was now completely obsolete. Reports and records of all kinds, newspapers, books, pamphlets, films, sound-tracks, photographs -- all had to be rectified at lightning speed. Although no directive was ever issued, it was known that the chiefs of the Department intended that within one week no reference to the war with Eurasia, or the alliance with Eastasia, should remain in existence anywhere. The work was overwhelming, all the more so because the processes that it involved could not be called by their true names.

Also please read Nineteen Eighty-Four everyone. It's a very good book, it's not very long, and it's still scarily relevant to today.

[thrashkink-coven]

Understanding how your brain works to better utilize it in witchcraft, spirituality or occultism

I apologize if this post is really long lol

The biggest challenge I run in to when trying to explain my “mystical” experiences with my deities and spirits is in accurately portraying the “abstractness” of the interaction. We all have a special concoction of brain soup going on in our heads. While one brain may communicate with itself very auditorily, as in, in sounds and voices, other brains may be more predisposed to imagery. The goal of some forms of occultism is conditioning both the subconscious and conscious brain into adapting into different forms of “thought”, communication with oneself.

Think about it this way, some people have an inner monologue, that is an actual audible “voice” that speaks to them, narrates written text, etc. This inner voice may or may not be omnipresent, it may or may not resemble your voice. It may change.

Likewise some people don’t think in sounds at all, their brain is more visual and produces images, videos, movie like sequences that you may or may not be able to mentally interact with. If you have aphantasia, you will not be able to do this.

If you can identify and understand how your brain works, how the hardware and program you are operating on functions, you can understand how to better use it to communicate with deities or to preform other methods of magic.

So here are some easy ways to get an idea of how your brain works in regards to communicating thoughts and information. If some of these things don’t make a lick of sense to you, you’ll know that it isn’t your jive and you’ll probably have more difficulty learning magical practices that utilize that function.

For Visual Imagery we’re going to be using the letter A - Visual imagery describes thoughts that are communicated through visual senses. This means any kind of imagery, including simple colors and shapes.

For audible/ sound based thought we are going to be using the letter B- Audible thoughts describe ideas that are communicated through auditory senses. This includes music, narration, and sounds of any kind.

For texture/sensation based thought we are going to be using the letter C- Texture and sensation based thoughts are ideas that activate the “feeling” part of the brain. These can be both pleasant or uncomfortable.

For transcribed thought we are going to be using the letter D- Transcribed thoughts are ideas which are communicated through written text, literal letters and sentences, or symbols, as if you were watching a movie with subtitles.

For “invisible” thoughts we are going to be using the letter E- Invisible thoughts are ideas that are almost instantly understood through the subconscious. They do not take time to process and usually go unnoticed. These are usually common sense observations. The part of your brain that processes “person” when you see a person, and “dog” when you see a dog. These thoughts are your most prevalent and least observed.

For memory based thoughts we are going to be using the letter F- Memory based thoughts are ideas that are conjured using information from passed experiences, needing no new stimuli or information to be formed. These thoughts can also include experiences that occurred in dreams. Common sense repetitive norms influence these thoughts.

Keep track of your points.

1. You probably already know the apple thing.

Can you picture an apple? what color is it? can you rotate it? which way is it rotating? clockwise or counterclockwise? upside down? does it have a stem? does the stem have a leaf on it? Where is the apple?

If you can easily picture and manipulate the apple, you have the capacity to understand mental imagery. That does not necessarily mean your brain is predisposed to it, only that you have the hardware to process it. Not everyone has this hardware.

If your apple was spinning in a black room with no other objects or environment around it, you may be more dominant in another field of thought with visual imagery as a supportive addition. You get 1 point for A

If you pictured an apple you saw recently, you get one full point for F.

If your apple was already in a room, on a table, in front of your real world environment right now, or in some other environment that was not necessarily conjured through memory, your brain likely uses visual imagery as a predominant method of communication. You get 2 points for A.

If you were able to understand the concept of an apple and all of the manipulations, but didn’t necessarily “see” anything, you get one point for E.

2. As you’ve been reading this post, assuming that you are not reading aloud, have you been hearing a “voice” narrating the text?

Does that voice sound like your voice when you speak aloud? Do you take the time to pronounce every word as you read mentally? Do you pay attention to every letter individually, or do you look at the words as contained objects?

If you have an inner narrative voice that is activated by reading long passages of text, your brain is able to process visual imagery auditorily, especially when combined with will established symbols.

If that voice resembles your speaking voice, you are likely more dominant in another field of thought, using narration as a supportive sense. Your brain doesn’t naturally tend to generate sounds, it’s using the most easily commutable sound, your own voice, to deliver the information. This isn’t to say that you can’t conjure sounds, but rather that your brain doesn’t do so without “trying” to. You get a half point for B and a half points for D.

However if that voice does not usually resemble your own speaking voice, or changes often, your brain is likely more predisposed to communicating through sound senses. You get one full point for B and a half point for D.

If you have no inner narration or other sensory stimuli when reading this text, but still fully observe and understand the words, you get one full point for D.

If you have no inner narration when reading this text but imagine it’s contents like a slideshow or movie when given visual descriptions, you get one full point for A.

If you’ve observed the text with no other thoughts or ideas asides from what has been commanded of you by the quiz, you get one full point for E.

3. Oops I did it again…

“I played with your heart! Got lost in the game! Ooh baby baby!”

Okay, assuming you know the song “Oops I did it Again” by Brittany Spears, did you hear her voice singing the song when you read the passage? Did you hear your own voice singing it? Did you only read the text?

And if you did hear her voice, did you also hear the background instrumentals? Did you see Brittany in your head in her red jumpsuit? (assuming you watched the music video lol) If not in her red jump suit, did you at least get some kind of visual imagery of Brittany’s face?

If you heard Brittany’s voice singing with no background instrumental or other stimuli, you get one point for B.

If you heard your own voice singing the song with no other stimuli, you get a half point for B.

If you only read the passage, you get one point for D

If you heard Brittany’s voice and heard the background instrumentals, you get 2 points for B.

If you heard Brittany’s voice and heard the background instrumentals, and saw her to some capacity, although not dancing or moving, you get 2 points for B and an additional 1 point for A.

If you saw and heard all of that whilst seeing Brittany dancing in some way, as if you were actively watching a video, you get 2 points for B and an additional 2 points for A.

If you saw Brittany specifically in her red jumpsuit alongside the instrumentals and singing, as if you were watching the exact music video, or remembered some other portion of the music video, you get 2 points for B, 2 points for A, and an additional 1 point for F

and, if you immediately remembered the entire song of “oops I did it again” without any other stimuli, or without necessarily “hearing” anything, you get two full points for F.

Consider how your brain handles all of these rabid thoughts and quick communications to understand the contents of this post.

4. Imagine yourself sitting in your living room

Now imagine there’s an apple in your right hand and a cube of ice in your left hand. Sit for about 15 seconds. Now, mentally, stand from whatever surface you were sitting on, still holding the ice and apple, and lick the floor.

If you had difficulty imagining the living room, “feeling” the ice cube and apple, and maintaining those things while licking the floor, your brain is likely not dominant in texture based thoughts. Subtract a half point from C if you had any already.

If you could easily and vividly imagine the feeling of ice and an apple in your hands, but did not experience any discomfort, and had difficulty maintaining your living room or moving within that space, you only get one point for C.

If you could easily and vividly imagine the feeling of the ice and an apple in your hands, but did not experience any discomfort, and had an easy time maintaining your living room and moving within that space, you get one point for C and an additional one point for A.

If after 15 seconds you felt somewhat uncomfortable, vividly felt the ice melting in your hand, or felt disgusted by feeling the floor (carpet, tile, hard wood etc ) on your tongue, specifically at the thought of dust, dirt, or debris on your tongue, vividly feeling hair and lint get stuck to your tongue, you get 2 full points for C and an additional 2 points for A.

If you could easily imagine the space and do all of these things, but did not experience discomfort and/or saw yourself doing these things in the third person, you get one point for A.

If you could somewhat do these things but got tripped up or lost some of the immersion by thinking about things that aren’t actually in your living room, like imagining both the room and the apple at the same time, you get one full point for F.

5. If I were to hand you a page with 50 phone numbers on it, and told you to memorize all of the numbers in the list, would you…

1. Remember each phone number sequence individually to the best of your ability, starting from the first.

2. Remember the sounds of the numbers as you recited them aloud and recall the “song” or rap that you created with them

3. Recall the whole page of numbers like a photo and try to remember what was written on the entire page

4. Remember each number individually and remember how they sit in the sequence in relation to each other

5. Assign each number a color and then recall the number sequence by remembering how each color transitions into the next

6. Assign each number a letter (4 = F, 9= N), and create words or abbreviations to remember the full sequence of numbers.

7. You wouldn’t be able to remember them all.

If you chose option 1, you get a half point for F

If you chose option 2, you get one full point for B

If you chose option 3, you get one full point for A

If you chose option 4, you get one half point for F and an additional half point for D

If you chose option 5, you get 2 full points for A

If you chose option 6, you get one full point for D

If you chose option 7, you get 1 full point for F

6. Your goal is to think of absolutely nothing for the next 30 seconds. Close your eyes, and do not think about anything.

If after about 10 or so seconds, a song or tune started playing in the background of your mind, you get 2 points for B.

If after about 10 seconds, you had any conscious comment or thought, “how long has it been?” “am I doing this right?” “I wonder what…” “I hope that”… or you felt the need to mentally count to 30, you will subtract a half point from E if you had any already.

If after about 10 seconds, you visualized something against your will, anything at all, even though you were actively trying to think about nothing, you get 2 points for A.

If you started thinking about previous parts of this quiz that you have already completed, you get two points for F.

If you had inclinings of thoughts coming on but were able to quickly stifle them, you get one point for E.

If you were truly and honestly able to think about absolutely nothing for thirty whole seconds, you’re a winner baby, you get 2 full points for E.

7. You’re laying in bed procrastinating doing some task you really don’t want to do. But you eventually find your strength and finally decide to get out of bed. When motivating yourself, do you think:

1. “okay, I gotta get up now”

2. “come on, you gotta get up now”

3. “alright, we gotta get up now”

4. you do not have any inner dialogue about it, you simply know you have to get up and get up without consciously voicing it to yourself.

If you chose option 1, you do not lose or gain any points.

If you chose option 2, subtract 1 full point from E if you had any already.

If you chose option 3, subtract one half point from E if you had any already.

If you chose option 4, you get two points for E.

8. When you hear people speaking in real time, do you see their words transcribed in your head as if you were reading subtitles?

1. No, never

2. Sometimes but not always

3. Yes, all the time

If you chose option 1, remove a half point for D

If you chose option 2, you get one point for D

If you chose option 3, you get 2 points for D

9. Which best applies to you?

1. I remember things best when I write them down

2. I remember things best when I say them out loud repeatedly

3. I remember things best when I have some kind of visual reminder

4. I remember things best when I’m nervous about them

5. I don’t know how I remember things, I just do.

6. I remember things best when I’ve done them at least once before

If you chose option 1, you get one point for D

If you chose option 2, you get one point for B

If you chose option 3, you get one point for A

If you chose option 4, you get one point for C

If you chose option 5, you get one point for E

If you chose option 6, you get one point for F

10. You're waiting for something and you're bored, there's no one around you so you're not nervous to do whatever you want. How do you "stim", or occupy yourself?

I probably start singing a song to myself or repeating a funny phrase

I tap my fingers, feet, or teeth together. I do some kind of repetitive movement

I daydream or imagine scenarios in my head

I think about my day or something weird that happened recently

I'd have to have my phone or some kind of music to occupy me or I'd be upset

I'm able to wait for long periods of time without stimming or using distractions

If you chose option 1, you get 2 points for B

If you chose option 2, you get 2 points for C

If you chose option 3, you get 2 points for A

if you chose option 4, you get two points for F

If you chose option 5, subtract one point from E if you had any already

If you chose option 6, you get two points for E

Part 2: Interpreting your results

[pedriscroquettes]

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄. PEDRI

summary. you’d always claimed pedri as yours while he always found you as a disturbance to his life. here’s the timeline of your relationship.

warnings. angst, fluff, asshole!pedri, kind of annoying reader(?), virginity mentions, and a love triangle?

a/n. this goes out to all the delusional girlies like me. gif by pedripics

september 2007

the look of horror on your teacher’s face contrasted your calm demeanor. you thought she was overreacting when in truth she was not. you were too calm for what had just happened to you. doña rosy’s son had just cut off a huge chunk of your hair and was currently running around the class displaying it like a prize. the fact that you weren’t as upset as you should’ve been shocked your teacher.

the reality of it is that you thought pedro was cute and somehow instead of crying about your loss of hair you were rather flattered about it. you were quite literally insane for thinking that somehow this demonstrated that pedro liked you. at least that’s what your older cousin would say.

“boys are mean because they like you.” her words echoed in your mind.

soon the two of you along with your parents and pedro’s older brother fer were in the principals office. your mother was in shock and couldn’t believe that you’d have to start your hair growth process all over again. meanwhile, pedro’s mom was full of embarrassment and of course both father’s couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of them. after all you were both just kids who didn’t know better.

“well it seems your daughter isn’t too upset about the events that occurred therefore i have no reason to suspend pedro.” the principal decided.

“what? he cut off a chunk of my daughters hair! it will take months for it to grow back! surely there’s got to be some form of punishment for him?” your mother yelled.

“but mom i’m not mad at him.” you tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen to you.

“fine. pedro is designated table cleaner after lunch for the rest of the month and no recess for a week.” the principal sighed.

“but mrs. dominguez we play football during recess hour i can’t miss it!” pedro whined.

“you should’ve thought about that before chasing your classmate with scissors and almost leaving her hairless.” she scolded him.

on the way out of mrs. dominguez’s office pedro’s parents couldn’t stop apologizing for what he had done. meanwhile, all you could do was stare at him. he was the cutest boy you had ever seen, given that you were only six and didn’t know any better obviously. it didn’t take long for him to notice your glare and he began to approach you slowly. you lifted your shoulders thinking this was finally going to be the moment he declared his undying love for you like men did in the movies. you stood there stupidly with a smile plastered on your face.

“i should’ve cut off the other side of your hair if i knew you’d stop me from playing football. i hate you.” he told you before chasing after his older brother.

any other girl would’ve started crying, well more like any other smart girl. they would’ve realized he meant what he said but not you. you simply thought he was bluffing that he still wasn’t ready to confess his feelings. so, you simply brushed it off and picked up your book bag. you couldn’t wait for saturday, the day your family always went to his parents restaurant to have dinner. maybe he’d confess then.

october 2013

the humid hot air of the island almost made you turn around and go back home but your foolishness made you continue your walk. it took you almost fifteen minutes to make it to the local football field but alas you had arrived on time for kickoff. you sat next to fer, someone you had somehow gotten close with the last few years. it also helped that he was pedro’s brother and allowed for you to be close to him.

“why are you here?” fer turned around to face you.

“geez, didn’t know i was such a bother to you.” you joked.

“oh, come on! i like you my brother hates you which is why i’m so surprised as to why you’re here.” he looks back onto the field spotting his brother.

“pedro doesn’t hate me he’s just too scared to confess his feelings for me.” you playfully hit fer on the shoulder.

“yeah, okay. just don’t give him too many children i don’t want to take care of too many kids in the future.” he jokes.

the both of you chat for a bit catching up on your day to day when all of a sudden the ball hits the back of the net and the local crowd, which consists purely of parents and siblings, goes wild. you notice it’s pedro who has scored as he starts running towards the area you and fer are located and blows a kiss to the crowd. like the delusional girl you are you pretend it’s meant for you. no, you know it is because you’re still stuck on the idea that pedro is devotedly in love with you.

the referee blows the whistle and tegueste takes the win with a score of 4-1. you immediately follow fer onto the pitch to congratulate his younger brother and find him chatting with his teammates. pedro immediately goes up to his brother and starts thanking him for coming as their parents couldn’t since it was a busy night at the restaurant. you get ready to tell him how well he played but as soon as he sees you he walks away.

you’re supposed to be embarrassed but somehow you think he’s the one who is. you think that he’s too nervous to be around you and that’s why he left so suddenly. you’re about to walk back home when one of his teammates stops you.

“hey!” he seems excited to talk to you.

“hi.” you greet him back.

“i’m xabi, does your brother play here?” he asks curiously.

“uh no. my friend does. pedro.” you explain.

“oh! pedro! he’s great! he’s going to be good i think. do you go to-” he’s interrupted by pedro himself.

pedro is too quick and silent you don’t even notice that he’s been sneaking up on you until he’s standing right in front of you. he’s staring at you with a devious smile on his face and you wish you knew what he was thinking.

“you know what we usually do after a win?” pedro asks you.

“we grab the buck-” xabi is once again interrupted.

“shut up xabi.” pedro turns around to shut xabi up.

“we usually grab the bucket of water and pour it on all the scorers but today i proposed that we do something differently. i think you were our lucky charm and that’s why we should pour it on you.” his smile somehow grows wider.

you’re flattered at first but then realization hits you. the dress you’re wearing is too cute to end up drenched. most importantly you didn’t want to get sick. your smile falters when you see his teammates approaching you with the large bucket of ice cold water.

“no, pedro please.” you beg.

he tries to hold you still but your instincts kick in and you immediately kick his ankle. he lets go and you immediately start running. you don’t realize it but he starts chasing after you. you’re about to cross the street when he grabs you from behind and pushes you against the wall. he has a smirk on his face again. you panic not wanting to get soaked. you try to kick him again but this time he doesn’t budge and you’re about to give up when suddenly an idea pops up in your mind.

you grab his cheeks and kiss him.

“what?” he’s confused.

you can’t help but smile at the way his cheeks turn pink but you don’t have a lot of time so as soon as his grip on you loose a you take a run for it. you arrive home exhausted and out of breath. you dramatically fall on your bed with a smile on your face excited that at your wedding you’ll be able to tell all your guests about today.

november 2019

it had been around a year since pedri, as they now called him, left the island in pursuit of a football career. it had also been six months since you gave up on the relationship you had hoped to have with him and it had been approximately three weeks since you had started seeing xabi. something you would’ve only thought would happen if pedri had stopped existing. fer told you to be more optimistic about xabi and that he actually liked you because he would’ve never pranked called the local pizzeria and sent forty pizzas to your house.

the three of you were currently gathered at the beach alongside some of pedri’s friends patiently waiting for him. fer had told you that he would be staying for a week before going back to preseason with las palmas. being the kind person you were you had organized a welcome back party for him with the help of fer. you’d paid for the food, drinks, and the cake that would be delivered later that night.

fer watched you carefully decorate one of the wooden tables with all the snacks and drinks. it was so obvious you still cared about his brother and it somehow made him mad that his brother never reciprocated your feelings. even though pedri didn’t owe it to you to feel the same way it just made him mad that he had always treated you bad for no reason. you had never done anything wrong to pedri prior to his teasing so fer always wondered where his brother’s hatred for you came from.

fer doesn’t have much time to wonder about his brother because said person was already making his way towards him. he’s about to run towards him when he notices somebody else behind him, a girl. he quickly turns around to look for you but you’re too distracted with making sure everything looks nice that you don’t notice pedri or the girl with him. it’s not until everyone starts greeting him that you notice his presence. you don’t expect him to talk to you so you stay back with xabi and that’s when you notice the girl next to him.

you’re surprised at yourself for feeling jealous and hurt because you thought you had finally moved on from your stupid childhood crush. xabi’s arm wraps around your waist at the sight of pedri as if the midfielder’s presence threatened him. you turn around facing the beach not wanting to see pedri and his girlfriend, you assumed that’s who she was. you’re too entranced by the waves to see the look he sends your way and more specifically the way he glared at xabi’s arm around your waist.

who did he think he was? just because he was named after one of the greatest spanish players of all time he was some hotshot? pedri mentally scoffs at the fact that his old teammate had finally been able to ask you out. he had practically drooled over year since the first time you showed up to his games. he grabs alba’s hand in spite. alba was just his friend but felt the urge to rub her in front of your face. he didn’t know why he felt so mad at seeing you with xabi or why he was also upset that you weren’t looking at him in admiration anymore.

“xabi! it’s been so long.” he greets your boyfriend.

you can smell his cologne, the one fer had bought for him last minute when he had visited his younger brother in las palmas. it was intoxicating. you finally turn around to face him and it’s like primary school all over again. you mentally slap yourself for still feeling flustered around him especially after all the damage he’d done to you. the girl he brought offers you a smile and you can only giver her a weak one back not knowing how to feel. xabi treated you so well yet he wasn’t pedri.

as soon as he’s done speaking with your boyfriend he walks away as expected. you don’t feel embarrassed nor angry anymore but rather relieved you don’t have to face the feelings you thought you didn’t have anymore. you took a step back fixing your skirt and making sure your appearance was okay. xabi notices how you fidget. he always does. he notices the smallest things and you hate that you can’t reciprocate how he feels to the max.

“he’s an asshole.” he whispers making sure the two of you are the only ones who hear.

“xabi, come on.” you whine not wanting anything to break out tonight.

“what? it’s true! he’s treated you like shit since we were kids and he still does it now. he didn’t even say hi to you when you planned this whole thing.” your boyfriend claims.

he’s right but you’d never stop making up excuses for the man you’d probably love for the rest of your life.

“i mean i did annoy him every single day of his life until he left. he doesn’t owe me anything.” you replied.

“yeah, you were like 10 with a little girl crush on him so it doesn’t give him the right to act like that. he should just tell you that he doesn’t like you and leave it at that. he probably doesn’t even know that you help out doña rosy at the restaurant, or that you helped fer with his exams, or that you had convinced the principal to not take away his recess time to play football! it’s not fair to you!” xabi exclaims.

“you’re right but i just don’t want to fight him. not today. so promise me you won’t start anything?” you beg him.

he scoffs but then offers you a weak smile himself.

“yeah, okay but if he pulls some messed up shit tonight i can’t promise i won’t beat him up.” you both laugh at his words.

the two of you are unaware that you’re being watched by said asshole and that he’s gripping his cup to the point that the sofa starts dripping out of it. he starts looking for his brother leaving alba alone. in fact he completely forgets about alba when he can only notice how infatuated you are by xabi. what did xabi have that he didn’t? besides compassion and kindness since pedri clearly had the looks.

“when did they start dating?” is the first thing he asks his brother.

“wow, not even a i missed you or how have you been?” his brother scoffs.

“i missed you so much.” pedri pretends to care. “now answer my question.”

“why does it matter? you hate her?” fer continues to pour himself a drink oblivious to the fact that his younger brother is completely losing it.

“so? doesn’t mean i can’t ask about her?” pedri scoffs. “plus, look at him he’s such a loser. she could do better i guess.”

“better like who? you? please, don’t make me laugh. you’ve treated her like shit your entire life just because you knew how madly in love she is with you and now you’re interested? now, that’s she moved on with someone who cares about her? she is doing better. now go attend the guest you brought. it’s bad manners to leave her alone.” fer taunts his younger brother.

“fuck you.” pedri was always determined on having the last word.

on the way back towards alba an idea forms in his mind. it doesn’t take long for him to get everyone together. he brings an empty bottle and places it in the middle of the circle everyone had formed. the midfielder had decided to play spin the bottle with his old friends.

“so, here are the rules!” he speaks up. “when it’s your turn you spin the bottle and you get to ask them truth or dare. but if you ask a stupid question for truth i’ll skip your turn. now, who wants to go first?”

the game starts out light and fun but as the game goes on it becomes more intense and interesting. fer had somehow ended up skinny dipping with the girl next to him and an old friend of yours had confessed that she was the one who gave your old principal food poisoning with the cupcakes she had made. before you know it, it’s pedri’s turn. you stare at the bottle intently hoping it doesn’t land on you but as if the universe heard you it lands on you. the smirk he has on his face reminds you of the one who always had when he was about to do something to you.

“truth or dare?” he asks.

“truth.” you decided to go for the lighter option.

“is it true that you lost your virginity to xabi?” his first question takes you by surprise.

“what the fuck pedri?” xabi yells at him.

“shut up xabi and let her answer.” pedri glares at him.

“i don’t understand why that’s any of your concern-” you start.

“just answer the question and we’ll move on.” he urges.

“no.” you reply simply wanting to get this over with and go home.

fer is about to spin the bottle before pedri stops him. he looks back at you with a sly grin. your stomach churns and you start getting a bad feeling.

“wait, i’m not done. is it also true that you’ve had a crush on me since you were five and thought we would end up together even though i find you repulsive?” pedri started ranting.

you feel everyone’s eyes on you and soon you feel your eyes brim with tears. you don’t know why he’s suddenly putting you on the spot when you hadn’t spoken to him in a year. you’d thought he would’ve left you alone now that you were with xabi.

“well, don’t be shy now. come on? do you think about me when xabi kisses you or touc-” you don’t let him finish because you slap him, hard.

“maybe i was a pathetic little girl then who had no self respect but i do now so don’t ever talk to me like that again. i don’t care if you’re a future football star or the future prince of spain you have no right to speak to me like that. go to hell pedro.” you pick up your things getting ready to leave.

you take out thirty euros and hand them to fer.

“for the cake delivery. he should be here at 9.” is the last thing you say before you walk away with xabi closely following behind.

“what the fuck is your problem? did you just come back here to say all that bullshit to her?” fer confronts his younger brother.

“she shouldn’t have been here in the first place. she’s like a parasite.” pedri scoffs.

“without her i wouldn’t have planned this! she paid for everything and spent the whole day decorating this for you! she helps mom and dad out at the restaurant now that we get tourists there almost everyday. she helped me pass my exams and most importantly all those gifts i gave you when i visited where picked out by her. so, go to hell. i don’t wanna see you for the rest of the night so go home.” fer let’s him know.

pedri stands there in shock not knowing what to say. suddenly he feels horrible but he doesn’t want everyone else to notice so he picks up his shoulders ready to go home.

“oh and stay away from her. she finally found someone who cares about her and i don’t need your jealousy ruining that. xabi is going to play for girona next year and he’ll take care of her. i don’t need you fucking up anything else.” is the last thing his brother tells him.

you wake up to loud knocks on your door. you notice xabi isn’t next to you anymore meaning he’d probably left for training already. you yawn before slowly making your way towards the door. you don’t even check before opening the door something you regret when you see who’s on the other side. it’s pedri but now he’s rocking a black eye.

“your boyfriend paid me a visit last night.” is the first thing he says to you.

“shame.” you reply.

“huh?” he questions

“shame he didn’t get the other one as well.” you cross your arms.

“okay, i deserve that.”

“look pedri you have five minutes to tell me why you’re here before i call your parents and tell them you’re harassing me.” you say.

“i came to apologize. i was out of line last night and i fucked up. in truth i think i realized that i was jealo-”

“don’t pedri. you’ve had twelve years to tell me that you liked me or had a crush on me and instead you spent every single one of those humiliating me. maybe i was annoying but i have never disrespected you. now, leave. i’m happy with xabi and you’re not going to ruin that.” you interrupt him.

“but-”

“leave. we were never meant to happen. xabi is my person and i hope you find yours. hopefully someone nice and not full of hatred like you.” you slammed the door closed in front of him.

that day you call in sick for work and the day after that and so on until you heard news that pedri had gone back. his parents didn’t even question your absence after fer had told them what happened. you cried the first two days and then spent the next few days with xabi. in the span of those days he had asked you to move with him to girona and you didn’t even hesitate before accepting. maybe if you moved you’d loose all memories of the brown eyed boy you had once worshipped.

present day

the adjustment to barcelona wasn’t hard. the few years you were in girona were enough to learn catalan easily so you could communicate with almost anyone. the only problem was getting used to your new job at fc barcelona as a physical therapist. most of the players at girona barely stopped by opting to have surgery and recovering with their own staff. but at barça it was different, you were always busy with injured players as well as recovering players.

xabi and you had parted ways roughly six months ago when he transferred to roma. you couldn’t make the move not wanting to be too far from your home and you were surprised that he understood and took it likely. it was a rough breakup but not because he treated you bad or anything but because he had cared so much and now you felt alone. like you were missing your best friend.

you had stopped keeping up with pedri so you had no idea where he was now and had even stopped talking to fer to which he understood why. he wasn’t mad but he was upset that your friendship had failed because of his asshole brother. alas you shake your thoughts away when a knock on your office door interrupts you.

“come in!” you pick up the file that had been dropped off earlier about the player you’d be seeing today.

the door opens but you’re too engrossed by the files to notice who it is. you’re halfway into the summary of his injury until you notice you don’t even know who you’re treating. when you see the name up top your mind goes blank. you almost walk out the door at the sight of pedro’s name. you spend a few minutes panicking before remembering you’re being paid to be a professional so you gently get back into that mindset and set the file down.

“so the process of your recovery will include-”

“so, you’re just going to pretend that we don’t know each other?” pedri asks you.

“for the remainder of the time that i will work here? yes. now shut up and let me explain how your recovery process will go if you want to play again this season.” you scold him.

he just scoffs and shuts up.

“i assume the medical staff has already told you that you need to apply ice packs to the injured area several times a day as well as taking pain medicine?” you ask him.

“yeah.” he replies staring at the roof wanting to avoid your glare.

“okay so, as part of the healing process i’ll advise you certain gentle hamstring stretches to strengthen you and when the pain begins to subside we’ll move on to harder strengthening exercises. we’ll start working on them on tuesday. i believe that’s all so unless you have any other muscular issues or problems please let me know now.” you reply as stiffly as possible.

“are you and xabi still dating? i mean i assume you’re not or else you’d be in roma. unless you’re doing long distance but i doubt it, it never works out. he’s probably cheated on you by now.” pedri simply starts blabbering nonsense.

“don’t really understand why any of that concerns you.” you turn around to type up his file to the database.

“because you’re too good for him and quite frankly i don’t think you should be with him.” he stands near your desk.

“who should i be with? the asshole that let everyone back home know i was a virgin? don’t make me laugh pedro.” you look up at him to meet that same mischievous smirk from twelve years ago.

“i’ve changed.” he admits.

“good for you pedro. there are plenty of other people in the sea that you could go after. unfortunately for you i’m not one of them. so please be professional and leave me alone. i have to see gavi in an hour so i have to get ready for that.” you urge him to leave.

“please, gavi isn’t even in need of physical therapy he just thinks you’re cute.” pedri laughs.

“like you? at least he’s professional and doesn’t throw soup all over me when i approach him for lunch.” you give him a smile.

pedri steps back realizing how much of a bad person he had been to you. he couldn’t even remember all the things you were accusing him of. he suddenly feels bad for that night at the beach where he had humiliated you in front of everyone just because he thought you were too good for xabi. when in reality he was perfect for you.

“look i’m really sorry for what i did to you. for all of it. i’m not the same person i was at the beach four years ago. and you don’t owe me anything but i’d really like to take you out to dinner and make it up to you.” he begs.

“pedri, you constantly made me feel insecure about myself, humiliated me, made me wear a bob cut so short i might as well have gone bald, and bullied me for my whole childhood so a simple i’m sorry isn’t going to cut it. now, get out of my office please.” you point towards the door.

pedri simply sighs in defeat before making his way out of your office. but he doesn’t give up because as soon as your sessions with him start you’re met with flowers on your desk, links to random memes he finds on the internet, and invitations to all the fancy and expensive restaurants in the vicinity. although what finally makes you give in are the coldplay tickets he offers you.

“what the fuck, pedri?” you jump up at the envelope on your desk. “i can’t possibly accept these? they’re like the best seats as well? oh my god.”

“yes, you can and you will. my recovering process is going much faster than expected because of you and you always mentioned how much you loved the band growing up. please take them.” he urges you.

you don’t know what comes over but you’re suddenly that little girl trying to cross the street and you grab him by the cheeks. you kiss him without a second thought but this time he kisses you back. it’s a short but meaningful kiss.

“i should buy you coldplay tickets more often, huh?” he teases you.

“oh, shut up.” you blush.

he slowly creeps up next to you and wraps his arms around you before removing a strand of hair from your ear.

“in five years when we get married i’ll tell our guests about this.” he whispers into your ears.

a sudden rush of heat is felt near your cheeks and you can’t believe that six year old girl inside of you has won. you stare in awe at the midfielder, not the one you hate and despise but the one you’ve learned to love. the one who will cherish you for the rest of his life. he kisses you with so much fervor and passion you forget to breathe. his hatred for you the hatred that had never existed is now replaced by adoration and love. and you smile once again at the thought of telling this lifelong story to your wedding guests.

[youcouldmakealife]

How did James realise he was in love with Holden? Not that we can't see it in his actions, but Holden I think is more vocal (in his thoughts at least) about what he loves about James?

He was already there before they got to Winnipeg.

Here's a few things in full disclosure.

None of them are outright, but, as you say, Holden's more vocal, who's used love or head over heels a few times already in his internal monologue, so we all knew it was coming sooner rather than later, since his internal monologue has a tendency to become an external monologue if he isn't careful (and that isn't a word I'd use to describe him, though it's a great one to describe James.)

And factually speaking, it hadn’t even been a few days. Hardly more than twenty-four hours since he’d last woken up beside Holden, and James was breathing him in like it’d been weeks since he’d last had a chance to touch him. Longer.

The way James frames this it's easy to miss that he is literally counting hours since he last got his Holden Chase fix.

Very important note for this and all the following: they are on a trip together. They can see each other. They have spoken. It's sometimes hard to remember, because they're both being such dramatic bitches this whole trip you'd think there was a continent between them and they couldn't even send letters.

After James could finally detach from him without feeling like he was about to hyperventilate,

The thought of not touching Holden putting James on the verge of a full-fledged panic attack was...perhaps a sign.

Created guidelines, James holding onto every part of Holden he could reach the entire time, like he was the blanket James dragged with him everywhere as a child.

James loved that blanket so much. Don't ever talk to him about it.

...finding Holden sitting among their teammates at the airport gate, eyes on his own phone. Exactly where he was five minutes ago, the last time James looked for him. It may have been less than five. Possibly closer to three.

He is now counting minutes.

But homesick or not, for the first time James can remember, he doesn’t want to lock the door behind him, mute his phone, turn away any visitors who arrive at his door. Doesn’t want to barricade himself in his home until he can stand being around people again. For once, James doesn’t want to be alone. It scares him a little. Would probably scare him more if Holden wasn’t clearly experiencing the same sort of emotions, though he doesn’t seem to be scared at all.

This is James Alexander Erickson for 'I'm totally in love with him good thing it's obvious as fuck it's mutual'. He knows.

Also, kind of too much/not easy to quote, but he wouldn't have told Mrs. Schneider there was someone in his life if he hadn't been in love at that point. The fact he was dreading dinner with the Schneiders so much was him knowing that he was going to have to be honest because lying about there not being someone would feel like a betrayal.

He doesn’t know what Finn knows, and he isn’t sure he wants to, but he does trust him. With everything, and Holden’s part of that now. A big one, he thinks.

Also this bit.

Everything but the words said at that point. He hadn't said the words to himself then, or at any point before Holden said them out loud, but as soon as Holden did he had a sort of... 'oh okay that makes sense me too'. reaction (after a slight delay. Because he processes things more slowly than most, especially verbally, and also he had, you know, been awake 30 seconds when Holden said it.)

Horrifying note to end this up: it has been less than a week, timeline wise, since that part occurred, because these two have had an...eventful few weeks.

(What a hilarious fucking treat it will be to do an LBTE of these two lunatics some day in the future.)

[leviheichouwu]

think of me fondly (levi x reader)

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Levi Ackerman/Gender-neutral!Reader Summary: Levi's having trouble adjusting to his missing fingers for a certain task. You offer him a hand. (Literally.)

Also posted on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51864445

Levi’s apartment is completely dark when you let yourself in. You can’t hear anything from his bedroom and no light is peeking out from under the door, but Levi doesn’t nap often, so you knock gently before opening the door and stepping in. “Levi?”

Levi, eyes squeezed tightly shut and hand moving quickly under his blankets, doesn’t notice your quiet voice or entry.

Holy shit.

A mouthwatering flush has spread down his neck to his bare chest, and some of his dark hair sticks to his forehead with sweat. Though you look away after a few frozen seconds, the image is seared into your brain. Warmth coils low in your belly.

What do you do? If you shut the door and knock louder, you won’t be able to pretend you hadn’t seen anything once you make eye contact with him. You’re a terrible actor. But that would be better than him seeing you standing there like a pervert, face averted but blushing furiously.

With the arousal slowing your thought process, you decide too late. Levi’s eyes flicker open, and in your periphery, his whole body freezes.

An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air for a few heartbeats.

Your tongue feels abnormally clumsy as you rush to apologize. “Levi, I’m so sorry, I was careless and didn’t wait before opening the door and I can just go, I’ve been intruding so often—”

“Oi.”

You peek up from under your lashes at him. He’s glaring at his hands.

“Don’t you dare disappear on me. I can’t—I knew you were coming, but I lost track of time. Can’t get off with these shitty injuries.”

“Oh.” That hadn’t occurred to you. Though you’re plenty open with each other, the two of you don’t talk about sex or romance; he doesn’t seem like the type to be interested in anyone, so you’ve always avoided the topic in fear of heartbreak.

You mean to tease him to restore your usual dynamic as friends, but what comes out of your mouth instead is mortifying. “Would you want any help with that?”

What the absolute fuck was that?

He gapes at you. “Are you fucking with me?”

“No,” you grimace. You definitely don’t want to make your feelings known, but he’s in an incredibly vulnerable position, and you prioritize his feelings over your own pride, so: “I’m being serious. I like you a lot.”

Levi’s quiet for a moment, then smiles faintly. “Come here, then.”

Giddy disbelief bubbles up in you, and you can’t dispel the huge grin on your face as you hop onto the bed. Maintaining eye contact, you slowly reach up to cradle his jaw and lean in. Your eyes flutter shut, and your lips meet so gently it makes your heart ache.

“Does this mean you like me too?” you murmur.

Levi nods solemnly.

In response, you kiss him again. You tentatively run the tip of your tongue against his bottom lip, and he releases a quiet, breathy moan. It emboldens you to lick in further, past his soft lips to touch his tongue. The two of you sigh simultaneously, and you shift closer to him. His body heat is delicious, as is his mouth. You can’t get enough. Desperation smolders in your chest, and Levi must feel similarly, because he caresses your hip, then grasps it to pull you closer. Your hand lands on his chest to balance yourself, so you can feel his heart slam against his ribcage. It fills you with a gooey warmth, and you smile against his lips.

At the feeling of your smile, Levi whines and thrusts his hips up minutely. You rest your weight against Levi, sliding your hand down his perfect chest and flat stomach before hovering your fingers over his cock.

Levi tilts his head back and pants, eyes heavy-lidded. “Touch me,” he pleads.

You shove down the covers and look down both your bodies to watch your fingers gently wrap around his shaft. He gasps and arches up.

You squeeze, and he groans. You drag a finger through his slit, gathering up pre-come, and watch him as you slip your finger into your mouth to taste. Levi makes a small noise at the back of his throat and impatiently tugs at your wrist.

Obligingly, you lick your palm and move your hand back down. You spread the pre-come that’s been steadily leaking from his slit to lubricate a firm stroke from base to tip, and he moans lowly at the contact. You begin to pick up your pace, relishing the silky feel of him. An unbearable heat is gathering in your core as you pant into each other’s mouths.

It feels like only a minute has passed when he tenses up and pushes you back.

“Wait,” he says, voice strained. “I’m already close.”

You press your thighs together. “God, that's hot,” you breathe. “Can I…?” You move down the bed. From here you notice Levi’s chest rise and fall more rapidly. His pupils are blown as you hold his cock to your lips, the steel blue of his irises barely visible.

“God, yes.”

You circle your fingers around the base of his cock and lave at the head, admiring how it glistens in the dim light coming from the window.

“Fuck,” Levi moans.

You take him into your mouth until he touches your throat, bob your head once, twice, and—

“Shit! Wait!”

You look up at him and suck, not slowing down.

“Oi!” Levi tugs at your hair desperately. “I’m going to—”

Before he can finish his sentence, he releases a guttural groan and curls into himself. His cock pulses against your tongue and bitter warmth spills into your mouth. Levi shakes and gasps as he comes apart, gripping your hair. You watch the pleasure contort those beautiful features before his face smooths out and he falls back onto the bed, breathing heavily.

Once he catches his breath and looks down at you, you swallow. He flops his head back and groans, hiding his red face in his arm. Then, something seems to occur to him, and he sits up to glare at you.

“Don’t make fun of me for how fast that was. It’s been a while.”

“It was hot!” you protest.

“I didn’t think you’d want me to come in your mouth. Disgusting,” he says.

It certainly doesn’t look like he’s disgusted. In fact, he looks rather pleased.

You lie down next to him, replacing the covers, and kiss his cheek. It turns a lovely pink at the affection. Levi turns his back to you and shuffles backward and, following his cue, you turn onto your side as well and wrap an arm around him. You press your face into the junction between his neck and shoulder and inhale. Contentment settles in your bones.

“That actually was kind of embarrassing for you. Also, you couldn’t have used your other hand or something?”

“You think I haven’t tried? Just shut up and cuddle me, asshole.”

[witchofthesouls]

Wait something funny just occurred to me. In the AU where the kids get cyber formed but remain on the edge of being adults, someone would have had to give them the Cybertonian version of The Sex Talk.

Would it be Ratchet, giving them the strictly medical side of things, or would it be some bot, talking about the experimental/exploring parts?

(I genuinely believe Ratchet would have an aneurysm of some kind at the prospect of it. But let's pretend)

I have to name this verse properly because Tarn isn't here, but it will eventually lead the D.J.D. to Earth. I'll keep the soulmate au tag until I can figure out something.

Ratchet does have an aneurysm because he has set ideas on what is and isn't 'appropriate' from Functionist-held Golden Age Cybertron, but he also carries a lot of guilt from out-surviving almost all his friends, cohorts, and students...

And it's all being dragged into the mud by the Jasper trio, who gives no quarter on crushing his prejudices and fears. Even Raf, his favorite, casually steamrolls over it with the draconian and American mindset of giving no fucks.

Team Prime had harmless thought exercises of what their charges' Cybertronian frames would be like... and none of them were remotely correct!

Because Miko is a Seeker femme, Raf may or may not be a type of Predacon, and Ratchet can't get proper readings on Jack's base-coding, Ratchet sits them all down because they're not sparklings or mechlings with sealed plates but full-framed mecha with total access. He gives them the reproductive talk, especially since Seekers and beastformers go into reproductive heats, but humans don't have that. He's trying to be mindful, and Ratchet is going through the different sexual methods and the variations of parts. Of course, Raf has to interrupt because the draconian mech has two spikes and no receptacle, and he would like to know about any necessary care.

All in all, it's really Ratchet having another fit because his weird humans are now weird Cybertronians of yore/throwbacks. And the ex-humans are taking it rather well, but Jack, Miko, and Raf had literally lifetimes to explore sexuality: as humans, human-hybirds by exploring their heritage as well as alchemical concoctions and very curious lovers.

This, however, did kickstart the path of Ratchet teaching Miko his medical knowledge as she doesn't want the results. She's burning to have the technical skills and knowledge of the processes. Ratchet does pass on his skills to Raf and Jack, but Raf prefers the science as Jack is more fascinated by procuring research material. Miko literally bullzoned her way to become his student. The howling matches they had shook the foundations of the base, but she got her way because she deliberately aimed at his vulnerable parts. ("You'll leave us one day to go back to Cybertron! And you're refusing to tell me how to properly care for myself!?") Ratchet is highly concerned about how voracious Miko's appetite is for that knowledge.

She yearns to become a Tsunade/Unohana terror among them because they have a strong suspicion that if their status is revealed, then they'll become targets. She'll become a Cybertronian Bloodbourne horror if it means she'll never be trapped like what happened to some of her kin.

[lady-raziel]

So if the sniper hadn’t missed Trump and Biden dies from Covid, what would happen to the election? Would they postpone it or cancel it all together?

That's the thing...both technically and in practice, not really. Like a US presidential election has NEVER been cancelled or postponed. It's literally never happened--not during the Civil War, not during either of the World Wars, not after 9/11.

To change the existing election process, it is very, very difficult, because many of the stipulations come from the Constitution itself and long-standing election laws. Here's a good article about some of those requirements. Only new legislation passed by Congress could alter the existing dates when the election occurs, when the votes are certified, and when the terms switch over.

And yes, in the case that both major parties' candidates died, Congress could decide to attempt legislation that would change the election-- but it might be one of the most impossible legislative battles of all time considering the extremely divided House and Senate and the magnitude of the undertaking. When such legislation wasn't even considered during an active civil war or otherwise, it would be difficult to argue that the current situation, as unprecedented as it might have been, warranted such changes.

In practice, it would be more likely and more advantageous for both major parties to just choose new nominees as fast as possible and try to use the tragedies to their advantages. Which sounds so callous to say, but that just displays the truth of the political party structure-- these organizations, by nature, exist to gain power. Thus they will do anything that furthers that power and use any advantage that they can. Certain political figures might actually care about the common people, but the parties, both of them-- that is not why they exist.

So if both Trump and Biden were gone, both parties would just circumvent any democratic nominee selection process and pick whichever elite they thought would have the best chance of winning. And it would be ugly-- since in either party, no natural successor exists with the full support of all factions. There would be extensive infighting and dealmaking among elites, and in the chaos it would be a prime opportunity for international forces to strike.

(And I guess if any outside destabilization was extreme enough, the Constitution could be suspended, so the rules about the election happening would be as well...but like when total martial law is in effect how likely is it that there's gonna be a free and fair election anytime soon...)

[rallentando1011]

Waddup!! Can I have a one where the turtles have a s/o with verbal Tourette’s tics that are just… hella rude. Like, I literally yell “Shut the fuck up, baldy” as one of my tics. 😭😭 Just rude things they don’t mean.

Thanks for the request! I've been working through 'em and having a fun time! (Guidelines are HERE btw)Just fyi, this is based on my personal experience and research. Please let me know if I have any inaccuracies or if there’s anything useful to add!

ROTTMNT Boys W/ Reader with Verbal Tics

Donnie:

Donnie stares

Not judgmentally, not emotionally at all for that matter, he just stares

Consider it his waiting period for his central processing unit to catch up

After a brief moment of registration, he nods and continues on with whatever conversation or demonstration or interaction was occurring before

Donnie directly lets you know that it is always okay for you to experience your tics

None of that trying-to-restrict-it-for-politeness’-sake business around here

When you feel uncomfortable or tense or just overall weird, he wants that you always feel comfortable to express whatever you need to in his presence

If you ever try to apologize for one of your tics, he bluntly asks, “What do you have to apologize for?”

He knows that it’s involuntary, that you have no genuine intention to say something flippant

He doesn’t expect an apology for that

Mikey:

Mikey immediately pales and pouts

That’s just his spontaneous reaction

His thought process is kind of just: Mean words? Mean words directed at me? They must mean it personally and I must be a terrible person and they must hate me and-

But then he realizes: Oh. Right.

And the bad thoughts stop flowing

If his reaction makes you think that he’s upset with you, he quickly assures you of the opposite

He didn’t mean to seem aghast

He was just surprised

So he reassures you that he would never, could never get mad at you for something out of your control

He loves all aspects of you and will always be your biggest supporter through anything and everything

Leo:

Leo’s pretty chill, pretty nonchalant about it

Normally he just moves along; that’s all one really can do

Sometimes, however, like if the tic occurs at a comically bad time, he laughs

Not just a normal giggle either

It’s the kind that one tries to stifle, but it bubbles up their throat and nose and actually ends up being significantly louder

Either that or he smirks

Although, if you feel like he’s poking fun at you, he fervently clarifies that he just found the timing funny, not you or your tics

He also apologizes profusely (if you’ve been looking for a favor from or leverage over him, now’s the time)

Leo feels slightly guilty if you happen to pick up a rude word or phrase from him

He also finds it objectively funny, only if you’re not upset by it, of course

Raph:

Raph instinctually mutters a “language” if he’s not paying much attention when he hears your tics

Pin it on his big-brotherly/motherly instincts

He hears a swear and/or vulgar language, he calls it out

After a moment of you just looking at him, he realizes his error

Quietly, Raph admits and says sorry for his mistake

Other times, he hears you and tilts his head, waiting for elaboration

His conversational awareness, at times, is shoddy, so he can use some help understanding whether or not you intended to say something or not

He’s not perturbed with you at all, no matter what you end up saying

He could never blame you for it, seeing as you have no volition in what your tics are, though he’ll do his best to educate himself on the topic, ask you about your triggers so he can avoid them, see if there’s anything he can do to help

Whatever you need, he’s got you

(side note: hey @nickelodeon #rottmnt is trending again/still)

[fatuismooches]

synopsis: The first to betray him was his creator, his mother. The second was his family, his friend. The third was a child similar to him. Would you, his lover, be the fourth?

includes: scaramouche w/ gn! reader

notes: An uncompleted fic I wrote in October before Scaramouche's release. Therefore it is not very accurate, especially the part where he likes sweets. I don't think I'll finish it, so I decided to post my ramblings here for your entertainment. (Some places won't make sense... I jumped around a lot, by the way.)

Imagine being eternal lovers with Scaramouche.

You can’t remember the exact date when you first encountered the man, who was the definition of beauty. How many centuries ago was that again? Two? Three? Nevermind that. After all, the one thing you’d never forget was the first memory you made with him.

You placed the sweet treats on your table, ready for your delicious snack. But you know what? You needed something to drink too. Perhaps you’d try some of that Dango Milk you saw, from that guy whose stall never got any business since everyone was so skeptical of it. Dango with dango would surely be an interesting combination. And so you set out to quickly purchase some, not bothering to lock your doors. You would only be gone for five to ten minutes, after all.

What you did not expect, however, was that when you returned, your front door was wide open. Hesitantly climbing up the steps very slowly, you were greeted by an unknown man’s presence inside your house, munching away at your damn dango. It took a few seconds to process - someone went broke into your house to eat your food. And it occurred to you - out of anything he could steal, he chose to steal sweets. Not the stash of Mora you had hidden away, or some vases, or anything that actually had monetary value. He chose the Tricolor Dango lying on your kitchen table, half of it already eaten. If you weren’t so scared of some guy breaking into your house, you would have thought it was cute. (Little did he know, his own tastes reflected that of his creator.)

Wait, you shouldn’t be trying to analyze him, he was literally in your house uninvited! You needed to get the Tenryou Commission or something! And so you stepped back, but of course, the dreaded very loud creak of that one particular floorboard echoed throughout the house, and the man immediately noticed you. You were busted. (Or was he? Later you would learn this was far more embarrassing for him than for you.)

Gorgeous, long indigo hair flowed down, coupled with matching eyes and porcelain skin. Up close, he looked so beautiful that it almost didn’t feel humanly possible.

“Don’t even think of saying a word of this to anyone,” he hissed out threateningly, “or else.” You let out a muffled “okay” and furiously nodded your head, not wanting to know what the ‘or else’ entailed. Then he released his hand from your mouth, quickly slammed the door shut, and left. By the time you could regain your composure and look out the window, the doll-like man was already gone.

All that remained of the encounter were the empty sticks that held dango before on your table.

—

A good amount of time had passed since that situation. You went about your life, working, eating, sleeping, shopping. But for some reason, you could not get the intruder out of your mind. You had so many questions about him. Maybe it was because your life was too boring and although he had scared you, you were quite interested in him. How’d he know your door was unlocked? Maybe he was following you? What kind of financial situation did he have if he had to steal dango from you?! And for his stunning looks, his mouth was quite… foul. As these thoughts continued to plague your mind, there was only one thing to do.

Attempt to make him come back, of course. Now, you did not have the means to just go out and look for him, nor could you ask around for information about him. So you did the only thing you could do was lure him out. With dango, of course, since that was the only piece of information you had about him.

Every evening, you would wait on the porch with a plate of various types of dango on it next to you. Of course, he didn’t show up, but you didn’t have anything better to do. And so, your nightly activities quickly changed to drinking a cup of tea while reading on your porch, as you awaited the mysterious man’s presence. 

Unfortunately, after a week or two, the only thing you were successful in was gaining weight from all of the sweets you had to eat after he didn’t show up, your wallet consequently being drained, and powering through the strange but appreciative looks the vendor gave you when you came back every day to purchase new sweets.

It was another day of executing your very poorly thought-out plan, and you began to grow rather sleepy. You were practically messing up your sleep schedule for some random guy. That was just… embarrassing, you thought, but you couldn’t help it. Leaning your body against a pillar of the porch, you closed your eyes, allowing your mind to go wild with fantasies. Perhaps you could experience one of those forbidden romance novel plots like from Yae Publishing House with this stranger… ah, how marvelous that would be…

Your breathing began to slow, and your thoughts became less coherent. You were on the verge of falling asleep, but you could hear some noise, even though it was fuzzy in your current state. But no matter, it was probably just some squirrels. But then you heard it much louder, coming much closer to you by the second. It was the familiar crunch of the leaves that had fallen around your house that had made you jump back to life.

And there he was, long silky hair flowing behind him, unscarred skin, soft lips, and pretty eyes, though his resemblance of eternal beauty disappeared when he noticed you were not sleeping, wide awake in fact.

Of course, you sprang to your feet almost immediately, not about to let this opportunity after weeks of waiting slip away.

“Hey! Don’t go this time! I have… more dango! For you!” You must have looked pretty pathetic to be convincing a criminal to stay with sweets of all things, but you gave up your dignity when you started with this plan.

“… Were you trying to make me come back with this simple-minded idea? Idiot.” It seemed like he only liked to open his mouth when he was able to insult you. (But you also thought that he was trying to play off his embarrassment.)

“Well, it worked, did it not? Seems like you’re the idiot because you actually came again, and had to wait until I was asleep. Were you scared of me?” you sassed back. By the look on his face, it seemed like you annoyed him.

“Watch it,” he snapped. “I could make you very scared of me right now.”

You didn’t doubt that so you quickly shut your mouth and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. “W-well, you should come get what you came for,” gesturing towards the dango. But he didn’t move, to your displeasure. Was it too close to you, perhaps? And so you pushed the plate as far away to the other side as possible, and at last, he walked forward to grab it. He picked up a stick of dango and scrutinized it, as if it was possible you poisoned him or something. But it appeared to pass his inspection test, as he began to munch on it.

“I was hoping you’d give up soon.” You perked up at his words. Finally an opportunity for conversation. 

“After everything I’ve invested into this, I couldn’t,” you sighed. “And this means you were watching me, weren’t you?!”

His hair bounced as he shrugged his shoulders, taking a bite of the dango. “I had to make sure you didn’t tell anyone about me,” he said nonchalantly as if watching someone’s every move was normal. You decided to hold your tongue - you and your wallet worked hard for this after all. Some time passed, and you licked your lips, preparing yourself to ask your first question.

“So… what is your name, wanderer?”

The man merely shrugged as he continued to eat the dango. You began to wonder if that was the only thing he consumed. What kind of diet did he have, and how did he only survive on dango? But anyways, you weren’t sure if he didn’t want to tell you his name (which was highly likely) or rather there was another circumstance preventing him from doing so.

“Do you have a name?”

The eccentric individual paused for a brief moment, but that was all you needed to know. “Wait here,” you said, getting up to enter your house. You entered your room and looked under your bed, reaching for a huge encyclopedia. You cursed as you heaved it up, it was quite long. You shoved some other books inside that might be helpful, and carried them outside to the stranger.

“Shit,” you mumbled, practically dropping the books down on the porch. You were an average citizen, well, probably frailer than a normal person so carrying all these books felt like too big of a strain. At this point, the man was eyeing you suspiciously (and almost in annoyance?) but you pushed the books over to his side anyway.

“These,” you panted, “could help you find a name. Any name. Anything you like. You should choose it yourself,” you reasoned. “I can’t keep calling you stranger, you know” you tried to make a joke but immediately regretted it at his flat and almost unamused expression. You don’t think he is very friendly. But nonetheless, his eyes flickered down to the various assortment of books, and you could see a brief glimpse of… sadness? It disappeared as quickly as it came, but he very hesitantly sat down, reached for the pile, and began flipping through the pages. You let out a breath of relief you didn’t know you were holding.

You didn’t know how much time passed, as the golden and orange hues of the sunset gradually vanished, replaced with the glow of the moon and stars. You were worried about if he could still see the text, but he was going through it with ease. He must have good eyesight. You didn’t want him to snap at you for staring at him again, so you looked up and counted the stars instead.

“Kunikuzushi.”

It took you a second to realize that he finally spoke. All of your energy returned as you sat up straight. “What?”

“Kunikuzushi. That is my name,” he repeated.

“Kunikuzushi…” you repeated. If you weren’t mistaken, that meant something along the lines of “country destroyer.” It certainly wasn’t a common name, and you were slightly worried about what country he wanted to destroy, but it was unique. It suited this eccentric stranger.

“Alright,” you smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Kunikuzushi.” 

—

Ever since you helped him choose his name, you made it a habit to continue to leave a plate of dango outside your house. Sometimes he would appear and eat with you, sitting all the way on the other edge of the porch. Other times, he wouldn’t show up while you were outside, but when you woke up in the morning, the dango was gone. Although you were still failing to make good conversation with him, his repeated visits satisfied you for now. It felt nice to have a new person in your life. Until one day, he came to you during the night, right before you were about to retire to your bed for the day.

“Where is it?”

You sighed. “Good night to you too, Kuni. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Kunikuzushi rolled his eyes and scowled. “It’s Kunikuzushi,” he emphasized. “Not that… nonsense.”

“Mhm, totally understand. I’ll stop calling you that, Ku,” you teased.

“You're an exasperating human,” he glared. “Anyway, where is my plate?” His plate? Oh, he was talking about how you didn’t leave out any dango tonight.

“Well, I got out late from work and by the time I went to the stall, it was already closed for the day. So, you’ll just have to survive without any today. Sorry, Kuni.” You were tempted to make fun of him but the look on his face made you feel kind of bad. He sucked his teeth and actually looked kind of annoyed, and was positioned to leave. And then you came up with a solution.

“Hey, don’t go. Come inside, I have an idea,” you said, opening your door wider.

Kunikuzushi squinted his eyes suspiciously at you. “Why?”

“Oh, stop acting as if I’m gonna kill you or something. Just get in here!” You turned your back and headed towards your kitchen, and a few seconds later you heard your door slam shut. You were delighted to have Kuni back in your house.

You retrieved a cookbook and looked over the ingredients for Tri-Color Dango. Glutinous rice flour, tofu, sugar, milk… sakura blooms, and snapdragons for the coloring. And some green tea would go well with it. Good thing you had all of the essential ingredients.

“I’m just going to make you the dango from scratch, so you can sit down and wait.”

“You can do that?”

“Of course,” you laughed. “Buying it is just more convenient and less work for me. Would you like to watch me, Kunikuzushi?”

He couldn’t deny that he was interested, and so he silently pulled a chair and sat at your kitchen table, earning a cheeky grin from you.

You smiled, (insert process on making dango)

“You can’t eat it yet!” you said, quickly stopping him from biting it. “We need to cook it first!” He looked disappointed.

“Just follow me,” you hummed as you began sticking the dango through the bamboo skewer. He looked over and started doing the same with ease. Huh. He was pretty good at it.

“Of course. Most foods taste better homemade.”

You don’t know why, but after that experience, Kunikuzushi started to knock on your door a lot more often, to the point you saw him almost every day. His time of arrival varied, but nonetheless, he became a familiar face you welcomed. To be honest, you had no idea what to do with him at first. He still did not divulge anything about himself, and rather looked at you expectantly. So you decided to teach him things, as you had a feeling he wasn’t good at traditional basic tasks.

You tried to teach him how to sew and crochet. Kunikuzushi ended up pricking his finger multiple times and the string of curses that followed was endless. When he joined you to plant flowers and vegetables, he grew frustrated when the things he planted didn’t grow, when he accidentally placed too much pressure on the seeds, and kept messing up the correct amount of water. Anything that required great care and gentleness, he did not succeed in. 

So you told him about the ancient Irodori Festival, about beloved Inazuman folklore, about your favorite childhood stories, to which he scoffed and rolled his eyes, calling out some of the dumb choices by the protagonists, but always listening to you with full attention. Admittedly, you were guilty of accidentally teaching him some of your favorite combinations of curses.

You introduced him to more of your favorite sweets (with him sitting at the table watching you, it was the best option.) Despite his clear fondness for sweets, he vehemently denied it and didn’t have an aptitude for making them at all. Every time Kuni tried to bake something with you, he poured the incorrect amount causing the excess to slip, or turned the heat up too high or too low, scowling at every failure. He didn’t seem to have much of an appetite for other meals, which confused you. Didn’t he have to eat something else to survive? But he always seemed perfectly fine, in better health than you. You decided not to question it further.

But when Kuni followed you around while shopping, if any of the sellers tried to scam you or raise the price a little too high, he would quickly lash out a string of things you’d rather not repeat. And while you profusely apologized for his behavior, you were secretly grateful because it helped you out a lot. When you struggled to hold the grocery bags, he would snatch them from you, complaints following but none had any real bite to them when compared to his actions. Despite his lean stature, he was surprisingly strong.

The more time you spent with him, the more you grew to like him. You had realized that since your first encounter, Kuni had started to show more emotion, as if he was repressing it in the beginning. You had no idea why he hung around you of all people; Kunikuzushi had no obligation to, much less help you with random tasks. It was as if he had nowhere else to go, to return to. But you didn’t want to question him, in fear he’d leave you for prying.

—

Your new pastime with Kunikuzushi involved explaining and taking him around Inazuma to partake in “useless human frivolities.” (You were confused as to though he referred to things as if they didn’t include him, but whenever you brought this up, he just scoffed and ignored you.) But one place he vehemently refused to go was the shrine.

“I don’t want to go there.” The firmness of his statement caught you off guard.

“To the shrine? Is there any particular reason why?”

You could already tell by the look on his face that he would not be responding. Perhaps he did not like the Gods. “Well, that’s okay. It’s not my favorite place either.” And that was the end of it. It was the same thing when you went anywhere near the Electro Archon’s Tenshukaku. He would tense up, grit his teeth, and drag you to the other direction. You wished to know why he loathed the Gods, but you still did not know anything about his past. Maybe one day he’ll open up.

Whenever you ushered Kunikuzushi into your house when it was raining, in fear that he’d get sick, he always replied that he wouldn’t, and he didn’t. He defeated hilichurls and monsters easily with electro powers, despite not having a Vision. How he frequently referred to you as human. It was all starting to make a lot more sense.

(I was going to write a scene about you two falling in love here.)

When Scaramouche was on the other side of the nation, the recipes you gave to him of the meals you made before for him gave him some peace. It didn’t taste nearly as good as when you made it. He wondered if it was due to his skills, or rather because he didn’t have you to share it with.

(I had planned that after Scara left to go to the Fatui, he comes back to find you missing. Later he finds you but you were experimented on in a hidden lab, somehow causing your lifespan to increase, hence the eternal lovers part. The experimentation left you really weak which is why he was scared you were going to die and leave him.)

He placed his hat to the side and sat down next to your bed, gazing at your sleeping figure. You were so frail and powerless, like a typical human. Yet he found himself coming back every time. But now as he looks at you, a familiar, disgusting feeling forms in the pit of his stomach again.

The first to betray him was his creator, his mother. The second was his family, his friend. The third was a child similar to him. Would you, his lover, be the fourth?

You couldn’t leave him. You just can’t. Without you, the fury he desperately tries to quell will surely swallow him whole. You had to come and weasel your way into his life despite his persistence in hating humans. If he never saw your eyes peer at him curiously when he told stories of the outside world, if you never laughed again while he insulted his co-workers, he would… he would never forgive you.

Or rather, Scaramouche suddenly thought, had he betrayed you instead? He had promised himself many years ago, to always protect you. Yet he failed. And now you were in this state because of his weakness.

The Harbinger balled his hands into fists so tightly, he threatened to draw blood. And he would have, if he didn’t notice you twitch and sleepily mumble. He drew his attention to you and unballed his hands to gently hold yours.

Scaramouche, or rather Kunikuzushi, rested his head on the soft sheets, squeezing your hand. You would wake up, he knew you would… you never let him down, unlike anyone else… This was a moment that no one else would ever know about.

But the moment of eternity peace was broken by a knock on her door. Immediately, Scaramouche shot up and put his hat back on, needing to get back into character.

“Come in.”

One of the agents appeared, looking terrified for his life as usual. He licked his lips, trying to find the words to talk, but failed.

“Spit it out already,” Scaramouche scowled, annoyed at the intrusion.

“Lord Harbinger I- well, I t-think it would be easier for you to read this yourself. It was found in the lab."

(This was supposed to be the ending of the fic...)

You were there for him. When he was just Kunikuzushi, when he was Scaramouche. When he was a Harbinger, when he wasn’t. When he tried to find a heart with the Electro Archon’s gnosis, and the aftermath of his tears, reassuring him that he was more than enough for you, that your heart was his.

You would belong to each other for eternity.

(The way Scaramouche canonically hates sweets singlehandedly ruined the plot of this fic💀)

[mimi-cee-genshin]

Denial is Futile: Wanderer x f!reader - Chapter 3

Read on AO3 | Series Masterlist

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Summary: The cute and sweet guy from the bazaar was brought to your place while unconscious. But when he woke up, you were appalled by the amount of snark he had. Was he even the same person? And now you were stuck with him because he could literally die if he stopped holding your hand. You weren't sure if you could tolerate him any longer. Little did you know he was exactly the type of person you needed in your life.

Other info: Fluff, humor, sfw, enemies to lovers, some hurt/comfort and angst later, character growth, occurs after the version 3.3 Archon quest and Tighnari's story quest, female reader

Word count: 2.0k

*****

"You need to let go," you told Wanderer.

You dropped your bag about a foot or two away from the campfire. A table was set up near it, presumably for food preparation considering the pots and utensils on it. It seemed like a location where anyone who lived in Gandharva Ville could use as a kitchen as long as they cleaned up after themselves.

"Did you expect me to light the fire with one hand?" you said while tapping your foot.

"You know I can't let go," he told you, rolling his eyes. "Get someone else to do it."

You grabbed his hand and shoved it onto your shoulder. "Why don't you try to use your brain?" you told him. "Or do you not have one of those?"

As you attempted to light the campfire, Wanderer decided to squeeze your shoulder until you yelped and howled like a dog in pain. You shot him a look. Did you not realize he was just as petty as you were?

With a huff, you returned to the fire and struck the flint. Every single time you hit it, there was no hint of a fire forming. There wasn't even a spark.

"Wow," he said. "And I thought I'd seen it all. Is this a hidden talent of yours? You must have some special powers bestowed upon by the gods."

You struck the rock again.

"You might as well wish for a pyro vision at this rate," he told you. "You'd probably have more luck with that."

The flint went silent; you had stopped scraping it. You clenched your jaw and ground your teeth in the process. A gritty voice left your lips.

"I don't need one."

Wanderer couldn't pinpoint where this bitterness had come from. Your tone and expression reminded him all too much of the days when he was angry at the world, at both human and archon. Perhaps, and this was only a speculation, there was something about visions that you had resented.

You struck the metal against the flint once more and yet there was still no fire. You'd think that with the amount of force you put in, you'd light up the whole forest. You had attempted at least ten times at this point.

Eleven.

Twelve.

Thirteen–

"Give me that!" Wanderer struck the flint and the wood caught fire. "Done." He threw a smirk at you.

You rolled your eyes.

"Just how useless are you?" he asked.

"You're not exactly helping."

"I literally just lit the fire for you."

"Ugh!" You groaned with an exaggeration that could rival an actress performing at the Zubayr Theatre.

You stuck your hand in your bag and whipped out whatever was inside. Wanderer took a step back and braced himself for whatever you were going to do to him.

"What? Do you think it was a weapon?" you asked.

He opened an eyelid.

It was a rice scoop.

"Ugh, what's with you?" he told you. "There's seriously something wrong in that brain of yours. If you think for one minute that I have the patience to deal with someone like you, I–"

You cracked an egg.

On his head.

"Huh…" you said with a hand on your hip. "So that head is useful for something."

The bird egg's cool liquid ran past his brow and down his cheek.

"You..." he said through gritted teeth. His hand searched the table for something he could use to get back at you. A sneer formed across his face.

Another bird egg.

"Hm? What are you up to, Wanderer?"

His arm froze in the middle of his swing.

Two green eyes stared straight up at him.

"You're still here?" he asked, lowering his arm. Ugh. How inconvenient.

Nahida eyed his forehead and a drop of egg white fell off a stand of his hair. "Need any help?" she asked with a smile.

He clicked his tongue and used his anemo powers to blow the egg away. "No."

"Hey!" you snapped at him, waving a notebook which was now covered with egg. "You did that on purpose!"

"Tch. Who told you to leave your work in a cooking area?"

"Wanderer, Y/n," said Nahida. "I know the two of you don't exactly see eye-to-eye, but it wouldn't hurt to put more effort into getting along."

Ha. Niwa had always said the same thing to the people under his care. Be a good example to Kabukimono, he had told them. Unfortunately for him, his rebukes were in vain.

If he saw how he was now…

He shook his head. The way he viewed those memories from Tatarasuna had changed drastically ever since that moment in Irminsul. Memories he tossed aside like a ragged doll neglected on a desert trail. They occasionally returned as drops of water that soothed his sores, and if he didn't experience them himself, they'd be as real as a mirage.

"Lesser Lord Kusenali," you said, "do you even know what this guy is like? He's simply unbearable."

He sighed and crouched down, scooping rice from the bag and pouring them in a pot. "How much do you want?" he asked.

"You're actually co-operating?" you said.

"Did you want me to stop?"

"Did you expect me to say yes?"

He rolled his eyes. "With how petty you are, it wouldn't surprise me if you did."

The two of you continued to bicker but somehow finished cooking your breakfast in the process. Beating the eggs took the eternity that his mother tried to achieve. The rice miraculously didn't boil over, and there was so much heat between the two of you that you could have created your own desert in the process.

But the two of you made omelette rice.

Disgustingly sweet omelette rice.

You sat down across the table from him. If anyone saw the two of you, they'd think you were on a date with your hand holding his. Your other hand was holding a bottle of ketchup and you covered the plate of omelette rice with an amount of it that made him physically cringe.

He was right.

It was disgusting.

"Kabukimono," Katsuragi had reminded him. "The grandma who cooked it will be sad if you don't finish it all."

He took another bite.

"Hey! Stop taking my food!" you told him. "I thought you didn't need to eat!"

He rolled his eyes. "I don't."

He took another bite.

Still horrible.

You grabbed the plate from him before he could have another complaining he had eaten more than half of it. Seemed like you had the ability to flat out lie to yourself. He barely even touched it. It was nothing like that grandma's recipe.

He scraped the wooden table with his chopsticks, not at all paying attention to the ebbs and flows of your voice. His shoulders grew heavy as he stared at the bare table in front of him.

It was difficult to bear the guilt from his past, but this was still much better than being oblivious to the actions in his previous life.

Denying that it happened would never ease his conscience.

*****

You were in denial.

You reread the papers Tighnari had given you and dug your fingers through your hair. Why was this research assignment so hard? Your previous ones were simple to solve, but this one boggled your mind.

This couldn't be happening.

"You're actually trying to work in this situation?" Wanderer held up your hand as if you'd forgotten.

"Did you have something better in mind?" you asked. "I still have a job to do and if I'm not mistaken, the Archon even told you to help me."

He slumped into his chair and continued to tap a finger on the desk. Was he really just going to sit there and do nothing?

Never mind him. You dragged him to your bookshelf and picked up a textbook you had used last semester. You were sure the correct formula was here. An example similar to Tighnari's data set was in this chapter if you remembered correctly.

You returned to your desk and as you continued your work, Wanderer simply trapped his foot.

And fidgeted in his chair.

And started scraping Collei's desk.

"Can't you do something else?" you snapped at him.

"It's not like I have a choice," he said.

"Don't you have any hobbies?"

"Do I look like the type of person who'd have meaningless pursuits?"

"The Wanderer from back then definitely seemed pleasant enough to stop and look at the flowers."

"Ha. Sounds like you're still stuck in the past," he replied.

You ground your teeth and glared at him before picking up your pencil and attempting to solve this frustrating problem. Whatever. It didn't matter if he was there as long as he wasn't bothering you.

You tried to use the formula you found, but the answer didn't make any sense. After a few more times, you groaned, not being able to make any progress.

You flipped through your textbook again and when you finally you found the right answer, Wanderer snatched the book from in front of you.

"What the heck are you doing?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

He opened the textbook to a random page and slammed it on your desk. "Just how stupid are you?" he said.

"Well, if you didn't take the textbook from me, I would've been halfway through solving it by now."

"Halfway through wasting more of your time. Unless getting things wrong is your hobby."

"You…"

He sat back down on his chair and rolled his eyes. "If you actually looked, you'd see that the answer was right in front of you."

You glanced at your textbook and an example problem filled the page from top to bottom. You grumbled and reluctantly erased the work you had done.

"Don't tell me a guy like him is actually a scholar…" you mumbled to yourself.

"Hmph. If studying these things gets me closer to my revenge, then so be it," he said.

"Good luck with that," you told him sarcastically. You knew better than anyone that revenge over-promises and never satisfies. You bet that was the reason the gods gave him his vision in the first place. Their inability to make wise decisions made you lose faith in them all the more.

"Well, if you'd been lied to your whole life and got people killed, wouldn't you want revenge as well?"

A fiery blaze entered your mind and a man with white hair stood in front of you.

The paper in your hand crumbled under your grip. "No," you replied. Your breath was caught in your throat. "I wouldn't."

You attempted to slow your heart rate by taking another breath. Everything was fine, you told yourself. Your brother was safe at home. The vision was locked away. There was nothing to worry about. The war was long over so just concentrate on your studies. Everything was fine.

As you took another breath, you felt a gentle squeeze around your hand. Wanderer's head was turned away from you, facing your random assortment of textbooks on the upper shelf. Your heart beat slowed to its normal pace.

"What's with you today?" you asked in a voice softer than usual.

Wanderer got up and tugged you to the entrance of the house. With the amount of strength in his arms, you had no power to fight back.

"What do you think you're doing?" you asked.

"I don't know. Getting some sunsettias? You liked wasting time, right?"

"What are you even–"

"Don't you know that eating sunsettias keep you from being stupid," he said. "And if I'm stuck with you, I don't want it to rub onto me."

You blinked a few times.

"Why are you laughing?" he snapped.

Maybe it was the baffled look on his face. Maybe it was his poor attempt at pretending to be critical. Either way, it gave you a brief feeling of relief that you hadn't had for a while.

"What an annoying woman," he muttered under his breath.

This was the first time you thought Wanderer was pleasant to be around, not counting the time at the Grand Bazaar.

Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last very long.

I hope you enjoyed it!

*****

Chapter 4 >

If you want to be added to my taglist, you can fill out this Google form or just let me know in a reply or ask.

[gazeofseer]

Psychic Reading 🔮🪞

Parents, Socials, Friends and Karmic they all are people you witness in your day to day life you even don't intend to but there is always a set of pattern, way and tonality to your dynamic with each other that occurs out of nowhere,

Which allows you to shape your life and choices you endear in it

Today this message is enrooted towards you to shed some light of truth that was blinding you beyond your ideology and thoughts around the people.

Pick an Image 🩷 🦢

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ ˚˚ ༘ ೀ

Image.1

You are a summer walking around the alley of people's sight, while holding back the glooms of dull and sorrow behind that adjourning chuckles and churns of annoyance you dodge off by the sighs.

I can see you with open hair chirpy and on the edge to experience and meet new people but there is a time where you want to be nothing, just like the image naked, defense less and vulnerable, to feel nothing but everything at a spec of wind passing down by your ceiling fan

You want to feel the warmth of cold as you have burnt enough to cost the shine of sun by now.

Your family, especially your parents I see them as quite centred around religion whatever optimism they have comes from that core of belief I see a lot of white, and pastel hues..

While your social circle especially colleagues are quite vibrant on the other end with open mind system where every sin is just an mere experience for them but it can be overwhelming at times.

I see rarely any deep friendship here I just feel you know a lot of people and vice versa but nobody actually feels the way you feel..

There is a one hand distance between you and the people around you where nobody dares to be vulnerable and true beyond their set of knowings as if nobody wants to see the reality in the fear of losing optimism is the highlighted pattern here..

There is a time where you have these Intrusive thoughts to push people and walk away say no in the most rudest way to slap someone after something they have just said, but you hold back certain emotions which acts as an blockage further in your life to happen for real in abundance.

Because what your spectrum of people see as negative is an existing emotion too. So it is important to acknowledge the least it's existence to begin the healing and elevating process..

Guidance : Choose solitude as a part of your life by the morning or at the night take two to three hours only for being alone in every literal sense and means, listen to yourself I feel there is much inner voice is speaking upto you but like in a loud music playing around you the words can be heard but can't be felt what it means actually, so meditate and journal even right after this reading something will be said.

Signs : Sagittarius, Open Hair, Wind, Balcony, White, Ring on left hand, eyebrow mark, noise.

: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀

Image.2

You can feel it, who is yours and who is not your kind of person by the way they do themselves, but sometimes people are pretending and adding shades amidst changing few which can't be seen if your third eye is not awakened completely.

Your family is hiding something but it is not the matter related to you it something to do with your extended family regarding which they seem tensed and stressed too, they don't want you to become a part of this, at times you may feel abandoned by them but understand that it is just time being give them some time or maybe even an indirect talk to keep them relieved.

I see you have two to three knitted groups of friends who often hangout, one of them is busy or have been out of town for whom you are waiting.

Your interaction with people is straightforward so no such heavy transaction is seen but this indicated that your friends and family are your karmic bonds whom you spend a lot of time with so having distance is like matter of overthinking so try to ground it through facts in hand.

Guidance : Stop doubting people for who they put up as even a broke person has to try and act all made up so that no one cares to break them again.

Signs : Eye rolls, Taylor Swift, snake, ancestral blessings, confusion, river side, birds, nest.

: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀➛: ̗̀

Image.3

There is a veil of truth behind the perceptions people see for who you are ; you have quite balanced energy and approach towards people, you know and get who wants what and why after a two minutes of talk down the lane as if people can't try to lie to you,

You might have met random strangers cussing and gossiping to you about anyone out of the blue and you wonder why did they tell you that..?

Well you are people's people, who understands that we are dependent because we are different we would fall apart if we would have been the same.

I see you have very pure and forgiving heart you seek answer before the question arises as if you know the reason would not harm your soul the faith in whatever you have is unbreakable keep going sternly towards it.

I see there has been a heartbreak toxic friendship and a ill minded family person that have stormed your inner soul to walk on a journey where you see people for what they are without losing to them on who you are.

Signs : Capricorn, Aquarius, Libra, Black, Deep Eyes, Intense stare, Blues, Midnight, Sleepless, Lana del rey.

I hope this reading resonated with you I am grateful to be able to do this 🙏🏽☘️

Thank you universe !! 💖✨

[johannestevans]

Okay so similarly to last anon about topping as a trans guy/trans masc, how do you build the confidence within yourself to top someone with a penis? Cause my partner is super kind and willing to let me learn but I struggle with my own mental barrier of lime not being "manly" enough or confident enough for topping. I know a lot of it is internalized transphobia but I just wasn't sure if you had any past experiences that helped you over come that or other fears surrounding newness and such.

my directory of work / / tip jar

That sounds like a tough set of feelings that are all mixed up together!

I'm gonna unpack some gender stuff and ungendering things first, and then specifically get onto feelings of masculinity, because I think those are two separate mental processes that are (understandably) tangled up.

Before I go on, though, there's a lot of thoughts and exercises I'm going through in this essay, and I just want to say that more valuable than anything I'm about to say re: your sexual relationship with your partner, is to talk to them.

]Everything below is ontological gender thoughts and then feelings about your own confidence and masculinity, but given that the important thing here is your sexual chemistry and dynamic and relationship while the two of you fuck, their feelings and thoughts might well be super valuable here!

Even if you just say, "Hey, I asked this pretty writer fag for advice because I've been feeling these feelings and it's been tough for me, would you also like to read what he said?", that might be very helpful and valuable!

All these big feelings and big problems often feel less big when we share them with those we love and are intimate with. A problem shared is a problem halved - an insecurity shared with a trusted someone is one that can be soothed and be specifically treated with gentle gloves. If your partner doesn't know about it, they can't do that!

Anyway, on to me talking too much:

Me and my boyfriend were at a kink event yesterday that was very straight-dominated, and one thing that sort of occurred to us that we don't tend to think about, because we're not really in community with cishets and their sexual culture, is that for a lot of cishets, "pegging" - a cis man being penetrated with a strap-on, by a woman or by someone else without a cock, is in itself considered a kink.

And Lewis was like, "And that's ridiculous because it's just like... It's the woman topping. It's not special or important because it's just two people in a relationship and she's the one topping, but because they're straight, it becomes about him being humiliated and her dominating him when it's literally just normal."

And he's obviously right, like...

People often assume that in a sexual dynamic:

the top = the dominant partner = the more masculine partner

the bottom = the submissive partner = the more feminine partner

But the act of topping or bottoming (which I'm using in this context to refer to someone being the penetrating or penetrated partner, although "top" and "bottom" are often used to refer to a partner acting versus a partner acted upon, which is explored and discussed a lot in this glorious piece, Top or Bottom: How do we desire? from The New Inquiry a few years ago) is not in itself an act of domination or submission.

You mention not being confident enough to top, and link that confidence with your masculinity - do you think of topping as an inherently more confident act than bottoming? Is there a certain security you associate with topping, or a certain certainty of thought or intention, that you might not ascribe to bottoming, because you think of bottoming as passive and topping as active?

To be penetrated is not to be subjugated, nor is penetration in itself an act of subjugation, or emasculation, or even domination.

But while we still think of penetration as domination, we automatically association that act of domination with masculinity, with butchness, with being (as in the essay) the brute, with being the actor upon the acted, with being the "active" (as opposed to passive) partner, etc, because in cishetero ideals of sex, sex is something done by the man to the woman.

But you know trans girls that top, do you not? Whether that's them fucking boys or girls or other people entirely, there are trans woman who top. They are not less feminine for doing so, they're certainly not less womanly.

And you know cis men that bottom, yes? And not just twinky, effete, fairy boys who are fruity with lisps and grabbable hips and pretty eyes - there are big, hypermasculine butch men with glistening muscles and thatches of thick hair on their tits who just stepped out of a Tom of Finland poster who love to be fucked. It might well be those ethereal fairy boys who are doing the fucking.

Perhaps they like to be bent over and fucked - perhaps they like to lie back and cup the faces of their partner and coax them into fucking him, smiling sweetly, saying, "That's it, come into me, you're doing so well, yes," and treating it as an act of love and tenderness, but also, one in which he is still undeniably in control and the dominant party, but not by way of typical masculine, patriarchal performance. It can be anything it wants to be, depending on what the parties involved are intending, what they're thinking, feeling.

What the fucking signifies and what it means is in the eye of the fucker.

Is a cis woman topping her cis man boyfriend masculine? Is she actually taking away his masculinity, or is she having any for her own? Is she less or more feminine because she uses a strap-on? Is it more or less so if it's matched to the colour of her flesh?

What if it's pink?

And all of what I've just said really assumes a binary of tenders, of the transfeminine and transmasculine as extensions of the cisfeminine and cismasculine, as parallels of their gender thinking that in themselves are, you know, constructed by the dominant culture - white Western imperial culture, where that binary was constructed and where those boxes exist to oppress and to control, through a flimsy defence of "biology" and also through constructed social roles.

How much do you believe in that stuff?

Play it out as a mental exercise - make a list (you don't have to write it down, you can just think about it in your head) of the sex acts you and your current partner do together, and the sex acts you've done with other partners, and other sex acts that you've dreamed about or fantasised about, and ask yourself...

Do I think of this sex act as more masculine or feminine or is it gender-neutral, or do I think it's genderfucky in some way? If it's genderfucky, in what ways is it genderfucky?

Is it genderfucky because it particularly adheres to or particularly subverts certain gender roles in or outside of the bedroom? Is it genderfucky because it exists in some way outside of the gender binary for you, whether that makes it genderless or genderful, or abstracts it to some entirely different kinds of gender?

For example, if a cisgender man is penetrated by someone else's homegrown cock, how does that feel, genderwise? What if it's someone else's cock as a strap-on? Does the colour or consistency or size of that cock matter in the equation? What if the person penetrating him is an android, and their cock is part of their body, but it's metal or silicon or otherwise matched to their robotic body? What if the person penetrating him is someone who's had a phalloplasty, and their penis was made via surgery and a cool skin graft from their arm? What if it's a fantasy universe where the person did have a clitoris, but they drank a potion and it turned into an average or more-sized typical cock? What if the person penetrating the man is a tentacle monster or some other kind of alien creature, and they do not conform with the bipedal constraint of the human form?

What if all of that is the same, but the cisgender man being penetrated is now a transgender man? What if all this happens to a transgender woman? What if all this happens to a cisgender woman? What if all that happens to a nonbinary person?

If that nonbinary person was assigned female at birth, or if they were assigned male at birth, does that change your feelngs or your assumptions? Why? If that person has had different surgeries of their own - phalloplasties or vaginoplasties, penectomies or mastectomies, metoidioplasties, or any other kind of genital reconstructive surgeries? Does that change anything?

And that's just the act of penetration, but you can think of any other kind of act that you do during sex or as a lead up to sex - kissing, massage, biting, frotting, using a vibrator, nipple play, spanking, dressing up, etc etc. How does gender play into it? What are you gendering, and what are you not gendering? What about the language you use? Say, calling a cis man's chest his tits or boobies or breasts or his mommy milkers, but calling a cis woman's chest her pecs or her chest, or even her man boobs?

What acts do you see as adhered to specific gender identities or presentations or ideas of gender, and which acts are more flexible or unattached? Why are they different? What makes them different?

So that's part one of this, yes?

And all of that is. A lot of thinking and a lot of ruminating, and by no means am I saying you have to sit down and get it all done tonight like it's homework due tomorrow - that's more a set of thoughts and ideas that you can start unpacking as they come to you? As you think of new things, you can play with those thoughts and unpack them, and compare them and contrast them to each other, and see how much actively thinking about and deconstructing them in your head changes your feelings about them - and how much your feelings stay the same.

No matter what thoughts come up as you go through this, no matter what biases you find you have, or thoughts you find that you don't agree with once you start examining them, that is okay. There is nothing wrong or bad about how you think or feel.

None of the above is intended to lecture you, none of the above is intended to make you feel bad or insecure or like you've done wrong by having different thoughts or feelings about the different genders of things.

You have not transgressed by holding a bias, or by thinking of a sex act as masc or fem rather than neutral, or anything similar.

You have not transgressed. You have not sinned. You have thought thought bad thoughts, and subsequently are a bad person, or a bad queer, or a bad trans person.

This business of unpacking and untangling gender and sexuality from specific sex acts, of ungendering things or adjusting our lenses of gender, is hard and difficult and complicated work. Many thousands of essays have been written on this subject by other queer people, by BIPOC, by disabled people, by trans people, by intersex people, by everyone who has not been written into the constructed white imperial gender binary and its associated ideals of sex (which themselves have been escalated and fine-tuned and commercialised because of capitalism and other forms of white cultural supremacy), because it is hard and difficult to do. Because these are things we all have to unlearn, which is difficult!

A lot of these feelings, when we start unpacking them, cause us pain and make us feel discomfort, nausea, dysphoria, shame, uncertainty, fear.

They make us feel that way because by our existence, we are transgressing - because we exist in the way that we do, outside of this constructed binary (and unwilling or unable to conform to it, or at least feign / perform conformity), we disrupt it and we break its rules and we twist it and we bend it. Simply by being, we do those things.

And then when we start to look inward and really start doing that work, it can feel insurmountable and impossible and agonising, because how are we to unpick a framework which we've been sewn into our whole lives? How can we unpick our threads from a tapestry when we're sewn into it with surgical thread?

It's not our fault. It's not your fault or my fault, it is not our partners' faults, it's not even our parents' fault or our teachers' fault or any individuals' fault.

But it's a process.

So. Coming away from the broader thought exercises and zeroing in on your personal feelings about your own body, your own gender, your own role during sex.

How do you feel more manly? How do you feel more confident? How do you get past that barrier and feel "ready" to top?

If you want to top while feeling in control...

Does your partner normally top you? What positions do they usually top you in? Are there any positions they top you in that make you feel more vulnerable in some way, more controlled by them, in a way that you enjoy? Do you think that using those positions, you would then feel more like you're in control?

Would you feel more confident, for example, topping doggy style rather than in missionary?

Have you considered fingering your partner first and penetrating them not while fucking them, but during some other activity? So, blowing them while also fingering them, or using toys on them? Using a vibrator or a dildo on them while giving them a handjob? Even watching them fuck themselves on a vibrator or dildo while you give instructions - so not touching them or moving them down on it, but they only move as instructed by you?

All of those are playing with you being in control and dominating while they're also being penetrated, but is not necessarily topping them while fucking them with your own cock - you can use them to ease yourself more into the mental role or more of the confidence of what you want, rather than plunging directly in (pun intended).

There's roleplay, where you could play out a specific fantasy or wear a particular costume or outfit or something similar, that lets you feel more or at your most manly and confident, so that it's easy to really lean into a butch persona if that doesn't normally come naturally to you?

If you think you'd be more confident topping while ceding some control, have you thought about different positions for that? For example, you lying back and your partner riding you, and easing themselves down onto you?

Or you topping them while they instruct you exactly how to move, or you're being guided by them, acting more in the service top area?

Another option is double-ended dildos! I'm not sure how comfortable you are bottoming or being penetrated, but if you do enjoy such things, a double-ended dildo means neither of you are topping, but you're both bottoming, and that can be somewhere interesting to start that's focused on the sensation and experience together.

All of the above you can then use to transition into topping your partner more the way you first envisioned, or first fantasied about.

Sorry that's a lot to chew on, Anon, but I hope it helps and I wish you love and luck! Like I said to the other guy that asked about topping, so much of this is like...

Because it's new and because you haven't done it before, it can feel like it's a huge and impossible thing, and then once you do do it, a lot of that mystique and that sense of infinity (infinite things that can go right, infinite things that can go wrong, infinite emotions one way or the other) fades away a bit!

[electrozeistyking]

I am so incredibly curious about N and Uzi before…. N had to kill her…

What was life like as a married drone couple? How did they do their wedding? How awkward was the conversation about having a kid?

I’m also curious about V in this AU, what are her thoughts on all that’s going on… N killing Uzi, N having a kid, N being fricken’ depressed… She was a broken individual in the canon, is she still just as broken here? Has she healed from all that the solver’s but her through?

sorry for the many questions, but as an obsessive individual you have crafted the perfect thing for me to obsess over and i am dying for more content lol.

p.s. are there more fics to come? Ik ya only have the one prologue rn, are more chapters on their way?

Hey, no need to apologize for being curious! I quite like the amount of questions! Tells me you're interested in the AU, y'know? Anyway, let me dig up some old notes!

These aren't the full notes, though. A lot was cut, especially if they involved spoilers and/or if they made this go on for too long.

Everything was as fine as it could possibly be on this frozen, toxic exoplanet. Hell, this stretch of fine-ness went on long enough that one of them decided to propose to the other.

And by one of them, I mean Uzi. 

This is based on some observations (aka the hand holding thing in Episode 6), but N was a major fucking dork when V asked him if he was thinking about proposing to Uzi — y’know, saying things like “I don’t know if I should” and “maybe she doesn’t want to go that far” and “maybe we’re fine as is?”

Then meanwhile Uzi’s been drawing up plans on how the hell she’s going to propose to this tall ass robot.

In the end, she kinda threw it all to the wind and decided to do so with no big events or plans or anything. She kinda panicked, though, so she said “Do you wanna marry me?” instead of “Will you marry me?”

N nearly short-circuited trying to say yes. He was kind of having a “Oh my goodness, this is happening????” moment and a “OH SHE DOES WANT TO GO THAT FAR” moment at the exact same time, so something may have literally sparked.

[...] there was a funny period of time where the duo kept very suddenly realizing they’re married, like it didn’t actually sink in until that moment. 

In fact, N exclaimed “oh my goodness” and leaned against something every time it occurred to him.

Unfortunately, the good fluffy times couldn’t last forever. 

You see, one way or another, our beloved robotic dorks somehow found themselves on the topic of having a kid. The conversation itself was fine, if slightly awkward at first (what with N being unsure he’d be good at parenting, anyway). However, just as they reached the peak of “hey, would they be more disassembler or more worker” jokes, Uzi started coughing. 

Which is not normal for any kind of drone. Unless they accidentally swallow something wrong, or if the air’s a bit too thick for whatever reason, drones don’t cough for seemingly no reason. And yet, despite how odd it was, both of them tried to brush it off.

In a brilliant moment of jumping to conclusions (even if they’re the right ones), Uzi realized that The Solver was trying to take over her body.

In a panic, N tried to help any way he could, but felt like he was doing nothing in the process. Uzi just kept getting worse, and every time they landed up empty-handed, the thought he was failing her stung even more. 

V tried to help as well, out of fear over what that thing would do if It took over (and because she did think of Uzi as a friend, even if she’d never admit it to her face).

When The Solver started hijacking her body during one such search to find a way to stop It, Uzi realized it was all over for her. 

Whatever this thing was — whatever It wanted — wasn’t good. And so, in a moment of desperation and panic, she came up with a plan to destroy It. Hopefully, if everything worked in their favour, It’d be gone once and for all.

Of course, its success banked on N’s cooperation. Since V split off from the duo this time, he was the only disassembly drone who could possibly carry it out. Predictably, he tried to decline at first, seeing as the plan was to kill Uzi and destroy her core.

However, when Uzi explained that this was the only way to get rid of this fucking thing, N reluctantly agreed. Despite being incredibly painful, he brought out his laser gun (which is what I think it is, shut up) and the couple had one last heartfelt goodbye.

But then, just as N went to shoot her, the laser turned an awful shade red he’s never seen before and started malfunctioning — something that’s supposed to rarely ever happen. N panicked, calling out Uzi’s name... right before the weapon exploded.

V felt the vibrations of the explosion from where she stood and immediately rushed to N and Uzi’s location. She assumed that something went wrong, but what she saw was not what she expected.

Uzi was dead. 

There was a Fatal Error message on her visor, as clear as day. She was in multiple pieces, with a hole in her chest right where her core was supposed to be — having most likely imploded, thanks in part to The AbsoluteSolver’s weirdness.

While N was alive, his body was in rough shape. He’d been split in two due to the blast, and his chest had been cracked wide open. Judging from how dark smoke billowed from where one of his hands should’ve been, something had gone completely wrong. 

But how? There was a very small chance their weapons could malfunction, and yet... what the fuck happened?

V chose not to dwell on it too long. N’s body wasn’t regenerating on its own fast enough for some reason, and he was losing a shit ton of oil at an alarming rate. 

Fuelled by pure adrenaline, V somehow managed to carry both of N’s halves and all of Uzi’s pieces back to the Outpost.

[case-of-traxits]

WRO Reeve + Heartbreak

One who wears the crown, bears the crown.

For @here-be-ninjas | From a discussion on this post.

So I've been sitting on this for a few days now in my drafts. I kept trying to type it up as a reply on that fic, but the fact is... I just have too many feels and it kept getting way too long and I didn't want to slam out like, three half-thought out things. So here, I've done my best to outline some things that are going on for WRO that break my heart.

I have no idea if this is what you were expecting or wanting, but this is what you're getting.

Also, please excuse the gratuitous use of gifs, but like, I'm just delighting in the fact that when I search "Reeve Tuesti" in the gifs thing, I GET SOMETHING OMG.

(That wasn't true pre-Remake really. But thankfully, people are slowly realizing he's super handsome. So it's a win for me!)

Time to put my metal on Whose blood to spill? I don't know whose side I'm on. Two armies are coming at me. Their flags and weapons look the same. One tells the truth; the other's lying. And they're both calling my name.

-- "How Villains Are Made," by Madalen Duke

Canon Explanation

So at the beginning of Final Fantasy VII, we have three massive disasters occur in Midgar, all over the course of three days: Reactor 1 is bombed, Reactor 5 is bombed, and Sector Seven is dropped. It is certainly canon that all of these events deeply affected Reeve emotionally (if you want to see a video comparing Reeve's reaction to the Plate Drop plan, you can see that here).

Now, I don't think it's fanon to extrapolate that at the end of FF7, Reeve has lost basically everything.

Canonically, he's had to deal with the following:

The loss of Reactor 1.

The loss of Reactor 5.

The dropping of Sector Seven.

Tseng is nearly killed (how close Reeve is to Tseng is up for debate).

Cait Sith the First dies (as a sub-note on this one, not only does Cait Sith die, but the very thing that he dies for, to prevent Sephiroth from getting the Black Materia? Is immediately voided because Cloud hands it over to Sephiroth).

Aerith dies (how close Reeve is to Aerith is also up for debate).

Diamond WEAPON attacks Midgar, which is, of course, full of innocent civilians.

Reeve is dragged away to be imprisoned during this attack because he refuses to go along with Scarlet and Heidegger.

At some point, Reeve is freed (although, that's not important enough apparently to get a mention in the OG) and he organizes the evacuation of Midgar, which has to be evacuated through, canonically, a single train line and a single highway that wrap around the central pillar.

He shuts down all of the reactors in Midgar. I'll have to see if I can find a canon source for when, exactly, this happens; it happens sometime between when he is freed and when Edge is started, and I think there's mention somewhere that it's before the Lifestream surge that stops Meteor. However, per On the Way to a Smile, Episode: Barret, all mako reactors across the entire world have been shut down as of "several months after [Meteorfall]."

A few days after this evacuation process is started, his mother is killed when the Lifestream surges up to stop Meteor.

If he'd had any hope whatsoever of salvaging Midgar, or returning people to the city after the Meteor crisis, that's shot down after the Lifestream surge. So now he has a city full of people who refused to leave prior to Meteorfall, another city (Kalm) full of people who did evacuate, and no power for any of them. Again, you can see On the Way to a Smile, Episode: Barret if you want a little peek as to what some of the pre-Mako tech looked like. Spoiler? It isn't pretty. I'm talking coal-powered trucks kind of not pretty. This is a world without gasoline as tech. Mako literally powers everything, and they're now rationing what was left in the reactors. With that in mind, it's really no wonder that the WRO is militaristic.

As someone who has worked at an electric company (I want to add "canonically," but I mean IRL. XD), let me tell you, people without power? They are panicky. But okay, that's not addressed canonically, so let's disregard that side note.

Instead, let's just focus on everything else.

He's lost literally everything that he has clearly dedicated himself to: Midgar, his parents, one of his robot cats, and his entire livelihood. And suddenly, he's the only one with anything even resembling the experience necessary to run the world. The last standing member of the Shinra Board, and effectively, he's taken Rufus' place as the de-facto world leader.

And all of this starts on 12/9/07 and ends "the last third" of 01/08, according to the Crisis Core Ultimania Timeline.

So... all of that. In six-ish weeks.

And this is true before we even touch on the expanded canon and my headcanons regarding Reeve Tuesti.

You reach the battle lines Racing inside your mind A question for all time, is it you? So gravity defy And storm the darkest night Is it you? Is it you who will save us?

-- "Who Will Save Us," by Tommee Profitt

Expanded Canon and Headcanon Time!

Expanded Canon: The Inspire Thing

So. Cait Sith. Beloved fuzzy son.

First, let's look at Reeve's profile from the 10th Anniversary Ultimania:

The head of the Urban Development Department. Involved in the construction of Midgar from the very beginning, he watches over the town’s development like that of a child. By utilizing his special ability, “Inspire”, he is able to cause inorganic things to emit life; his “child”, the “cat”-shaped robot, Cait Sith can be controlled from a great distance. After Meteorfall, he became the director of the World Regenesis Organization (WRO), which is devoted to the purpose of restoring life to the planet.

So this is interesting for a lot of reasons, but there's two very important things that this profile does for us:

One, it clearly states that Reeve has been "involved in the construction of Midgar from the very beginning," and he "watches over the town's development like that of a child." So... That's a great character note and a problem, but let's put a pin in that and we'll discuss the problem part of that in the next section. So the thing you need to actually note there is that Reeve loves Midgar. Like a child.

And two, it defines Reeve's surprisingly controversial "Inspire" ability. I say surprisingly because here's the general breakdown. Reeve has literally always had this ability, but people will sometimes discount it because it's not "mentioned" in any of the games. And that isn't... wrong, exactly. Reeve is never, at any point in any of the games, 'outed' as an Inspire. However, let's look at the Ultimanias over the years:

Now, I wish I had links to all of these pages for you, but the simple fact is, I don't. I could probably get links to all of them, given enough time, but I'm still rebuilding my compiled FF7 References Google Drive folder. When I get everything in there, I'll post a link.

The point I want to make with this is that it isn't something new. This is not some detail they retconned in to make things work. They've literally always implied it in game. There's a few metas floating around periodically that talk about Reeve and Cait Sith, and maybe one day I'll sit down and write up my own, but I want to be able to link to certain things like the Before Crisis scripts and such, because there's evidence in there to prove that Cait Sith is not just a 'robot'. He's a plush cat, yes. He's an animatronic, yes. But he's also an individual.

Canonically, in the original game, he feels pain when he trips and falls in the Temple of the Ancients on his way to die. He begs Cloud and AVALANCHE not to forget him, even if another Cait Sith shows up. He reminds them all that there's only one him. (And then of course, they promptly forget him. T_T)

In Before Crisis, Reeve gives the player Turk a controller to use with Cait Sith, but Cait Sith has 'thought' dialogue in the game that cannot be attributed to Reeve.

In Dirge, you see Cait Sith and Reeve together at several points, and they always move fairly in sync, but there's no indication of a controller in Reeve's hand at any point. And okay, that could be because Dirge was really bad about character models. We never did, after all, get a pregnant Lucrecia model in that game. ... Or in any other game, for that matter. But that's a different problem.

The fact is, at no point is Reeve ever shown using a controller. How he controls Cait Sith is subtle enough that he can control Cait Sith actively during a board meeting that he lets AVALANCHE listen in on during the original game. That's the board meeting where Scarlet and Heidegger propose loading up the failed rocket in Rocket Town with materia and launching it into Meteor in an attempt to stop it. And none of the other directors (or Rufus, who is canonically aware of Cait Sith and Reeve's control of him) notice. So I don't think it's actually a stretch of canon to assume that Reeve doesn't have a visible means of controlling Cait Sith.

Which means... yes. It's magic. Some kind of mental connection to Cait Sith. And let's just... digest that for a second.

Imagine a mental connection to something you love like a child.

And you send it to be crushed to death in an attempt to stop Sephiroth from obtaining a materia that he will use to destroy the world.

And immediately after you've done this, you have to get the next version of that child to the same place, to the same group of people, who have already lost the materia you entrusted them with.

(And, as an aside, you were just using this second version of that child to rescue a dying coworker that, your own personal closeness aside, your good friend is very close to. Because Before Crisis makes it very clear that Reeve and Veld are close in some fashion. It's a little ambiguous about their exact relationship, but they're close enough that Reeve risks everything to help the Turks because he's sure they're helping Veld who is on the run from Shinra at that point.)

Now, all of this to say... Why am I rambling about Reeve's Inspire ability and Cait Sith? Well...

Headcanon: The Inspire Thing

My personal headcanon is that Reeve, with long enough exposure to anything inorganic (i.e., his car or reactors) can inadvertently form a bond with it. Even grant it a sort of ... half-life. Now, admittedly, this is entirely fanon. I make no arguments that there is any sort of canonical support for the Inspire abilities working with this way.

But the fact is... it's odd, isn't it, that the reactors are under Urban Development? Why aren't they under Science?

(And yes, that is canon. It's in the original game that reactor control is under Urban Dev-- Reeve Tuesti-- not Science.)

So this is something I play with, that Reeve is some kind of brilliant engineer, constantly tweaking the reactors, adjusting them to maximize every drop of mako energy as efficiently as possible. And in my headcanon, he manages that in part by directly interfacing with the reactors.

Which uh... makes blowing them up emotionally problematic for him. How emotionally problematic? Well, @ladykf-writes wrote me some amazing ficlets that feature my headcanons about this after much rambling with her about them. So I highly recommend checking those out if you're interested in this idea.

So, basically, in addition to the list up there? You could add that my particular Reeve is also suffering from some serious emotional turmoil regarding the "deaths" of Reactors 1 and 5 as well as Cait Sith the First. Those aren't just moments of, "oh it's tragic these people died," or "oh shoot, I lost one of my robots," for him.

He literally lived through their deaths.

Now. Let's move on from my headcanons regarding this ability and let's talk about Reeve's problem.

Broken pieces of a barely breathing story Where there once was love Now there's only me and the lonely Dancing slowly in an empty room Can the lonely take the place of you? I sing myself a quiet lullaby Let you go and let the lonely in To take my heart again

-- "The Lonely," by Christina Perri. In particular with this song, the "you" that I imagine it being focused on is Midgar, not a person.

Reeve's Timeline Shenanigans

All right, back to Reeve's profile from the 10th Anniversary Ultimania:

Involved in the construction of Midgar from the very beginning, he watches over the town’s development like that of a child.

And from the Final Fantasy VII Complete Dismantled True Story (which while "official" is not necessary "canon" per the development team):

A capable engineer closely involved in the design and construction of the two-tiered city of Midgar and its eight mako reactors.

Now, unfortunately, Reeve's profile doesn't often get translated in other ultimanias-- or at least, not in places I've been able to find-- so we're kind of stuck with just these two interpretations of this side of him. Still, it's pretty clear, right? He was involved in the construction of Midgar from the beginning. Even in the Dismantled True Story version, he's closely involved in the design and construction.

It also mentions that he's 35 (like Barret) in the original game. Since the game takes place in 0007, we can say pretty confidently that he was born in '72; same year as Barret, for those who don't trust my math.

Now, let's look at Midgar's timeline, shall we?

From the 10th Anniversary Timeline:

[ μ ] – εуλ 9/23/1959 (48 years before FFVII) · Shin-Ra Works (later the Shin-Ra Company) discovers mako energy [ μ ] – εуλ 1/9/1968 · Construction begins in Nibelheim on the first in a series of power generation facilities, “mako reactors” for the purpose of extracting mako. [ μ ] – εуλ 6/24/1976 · Construction of the mako city, Midgar, begins. The Shin-Ra company relocates its headquarters to Midgar.

... Interesting. Okay. What about other timelines? Well, let's look at the Crisis Core Ultimania's Timeline:

[ μ ] – εуλ 9/23/1959 · Shin-Ra Works (later the Shin-Ra Company) discovers mako energy. [ μ ] – εуλ 6/24/1976 · Construction of the mako city, Midgar, begins. The Shin-Ra company relocates its headquarters to Midgar.

Now, this does change a bit in the Remake Ultimania's Timeline, from what I understand. They push Midgar's construction date back to 1969, per the FFVII Timeline, which for the record I like because they source all their dates wherever possible. However, I haven't really dug into the Remake stuff yet because it's my understanding that the Remake is the Compilation in a blender, so just because something is true in the Remake doesn't make it true in other aspects of canon (for example, they adjusted the ages of Rufus and the Turks, to make Rufus clearly older/same age as them, whereas he was always younger in the original canon).

Anyway, the issue with this timeline is this: Reeve's four when they start building Midgar. How involved is he in this construction project?

Now, over the years, I've seen a few interesting takes on how to handle this.

One, people just completely disregard it. Which, fair. It's an ultimania canon note, not something from in-game, but I always find it interesting when people say, disregard these dates but are happy to accept say, dates regarding the Nibelheim project as gospel from the same sources. But hey, I cherry pick canon too, so who am I to complain, right?

Two, people go with the architect of Midgar being another R. Tuesti (probably Reeve's father is the most common headcanon), and over the years, his work has been conflated with Reeve's own until people just forget that Reeve himself couldn't have been the one to do it.

Now, my personal headcanon-- which I am absolutely detailing because you asked me about why WRO Reeve breaks my heart, and I swear all of this is tied into that original question-- is that Reeve's father was the original engineer who developed the Nibelheim reactor. He was also slated to be the lead engineer on managing the complicated network of the eight (nine, technically, at least during construction, but who's counting?) reactors in Midgar. Except when Reeve was about five, he died in an accident. Probably in a reactor, let's be honest.

And when the Turks (and because it's my headcanon and I can, the Turks in question are Veld and Vincent) are sent to pick up Papa Tuesti's notes from his widow so that the other engineers can try to make sense of them, they discover that the five-year-old can decipher his father's unlabeled diagrams. So they take the boy with them to the Shinra Manor in Junon where the President pays to have him formally educated and put to work deciphering these diagrams and notes to ensure that the Midgar project goes as planned.

Of course, being brought up to be this engineer means that Reeve has access to basically the best level of education possible. So yes, he's deciphering his father's notes, but very quickly, he's improving them. And that, my friends, is why he ends up as Head of Urban Development. Because the simple fact is, he's been brought up for this, raised and trained to President Shinra's exact specifications of what he wants in a city.

Now, once again, all of that is just my personal headcanon, and I can't even cite some of my old sources because I just cannot find them anymore. So take this or leave it, it's where I sit on it.

That also means that he was brought up in the same house as (although almost certainly very separated from) Rufus. There's a ten year difference between them, of course, so it wasn't like they were close, but there's certainly room for some... understanding between them. If anyone understands how the President was (who canonically was extremely abusive towards Rufus per On the Way to a Smile: Case of Shinra).

Now, how does all of this tie into WRO Reeve breaking my heart?

Well, per my headcanon, Midgar is literally his life's work. It's his father's legacy and it is the city he has poured his entire life into, and it's gone. At the end of the original game, it's gone, and he has to look at her dead carcass on the horizon every time he is in Edge.

He was fashioned into the engineer who builds cities and lives and fantasies-- the floating city, remember?-- and he was desperately just trying to survive the President's reign of terror under the hope that Rufus would be better (I can't find a copy of the source quote in Before Crisis, but it's mentioned on his Ultimania profile). And suddenly...

It's all gone.

I am the son And the heir Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar I am the son and heir Of nothing in particular

-- "How Soon Is Now," by the Smiths, but the AG cover.

So. If you've made it through all of this, I just. I have a lot of feels about Reeve Tuesti in general, and in particular, in what state he's probably in after Meteorfall. I guess this is what happens when you've been writing him for 20-some-odd years. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The long and short of it is this: Reeve is an incredibly underrated character, and he's so often sadly overlooked by fandom, and he just... he's been through so much by the time he's head of the WRO. I can't help but think that he's got to be so worn down by it all. It's hard, saving the world, especially in a position like he's in.

He is, after all, the only man in the world who betrayed Shinra twice and lived.

But he's also the man who built the world's largest, most complicated city, and he's a man who has survived losing everything.

And what did he do the next morning?

He went to work.

You wanna take a drink of that promise land You gotta wipe the dirt off of your hands Careful son, you got dreamer's plans But it gets hard to stand Soldier keep on marchin' on Head down 'til the work is done Waiting on that morning sun Soldier keep on marchin' on

-- "Soldier," by Tommee Profitt

[nonbinary-red-supergiant]

I cannot sleep so here I am ranting about why Monika is so tragic and that her realization towards the end of DDLC was absolutely perfect.

To start things off, Monika had ZERO idea about the real world outside of her world until the player joined her game, her world. The whole dating simulator could not have started without player because player was the trigger that activated the game to be set into motion. While everything was set into motion, Monika could have suddenly been hit with an odd feeling, a feeling and presence that she had never sensed before. Hell, she could’ve felt that peculiarity exactly when you download Doki Doki Literature Club. It was that moment that her conflict between herself, her world, and our world began.

So many people hate Monika for what she did to the other club members Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki. However, in a way this can be justified if we just take a look into Monika’s thought process.

The simplest way to describe Monika’s predicament would be to call it an existential crisis. Once she realizes that the player is different from everything around her as in terms of genuineness, how real player feels compared to everything else around her, she begins to question the events that happened prior. She questions everything, including her closest friends who are presumably her club. She then doubts all the happiness and care and love that the other three girls have shown her all this time. In her eyes, all the work she put into everything she did, from creating the Literature Club, to literally navigating her own person to become the popular athletic lovable girl became… insignificant. And it is detrimental when someone starts to think that everything they’ve worked for has been for nothing. She’s no longer happy, in fact she hates everything around her because it only reminds her of the storm that is thundering inside of her. She sees nothing the same anymore, and now she is desperate for a solution. That solution sparks within her when she realizes that, unlike everything else in her reality, she has power.

Monika decides to use that power to obtain something she has never had before… something real. When the game begins, it clicks in her mind that the player is indeed real unlike her world. Desperate for a sense of true humanity, true love, true happiness, and true purpose, Monika tampers with the game script to make everything go her way. Now these are the horrific, infamous events that occur in DDLC.

Perhaps if Monika were in a better mental state, no one would have been treated so violently. But because of her crisis, she felt hatred towards her entire world. In fact, she could have been the most malicious and emotional towards the girls who she thought were her truest friends because she feels as if it’s their fault that her reality hurts so much. In her desperation, she justifies her own actions in those moments because she knows that none of them are truly real and that they don’t actually feel pain unlike she can. Plus, her actions led to you finally noticing her, which is what she needed in order to get a grasp of the reality she wanted anyway.

During the climax, she’s actually happy to be in your presence. She fell in love with you out of the desperation of wanting something real. Monika became attached to you, and saw you as the only thing that can make her feel any real emotion, love, and happiness. It was her own desperation that led to her demise. Unfortunately, she was forced to face the consequences of what she did to her world. The player never asked for anything that Monika did, you only wanted to play a cutesy video game. The way she twisted it was so psychotic, and Monika couldn’t even see that.

It was only when you deleted her that she finally realized her wrongdoings. She also realized that she’ll never truly fit in anywhere. If she were to stay in DDLC, she would only feel empty inside and starving for something more. If she were to be a part of our reality, she would realize that she can never be considered human because in our world, she would instead be considered artificial intelligence (AI). When she accepts her fate, it is out of the sadness of knowing that she can never be happy anywhere. That’s why she is not present during the final scenes of the game.

That is until Monika deletes the game as a whole. Her character file was deleted, but somehow that artificial intelligence managed to stick around and cling onto Sayori. With that remaining self-awareness, Monika was able to manifest herself onto that for a final chance of redemption. Her life within the game flashes before her eyes, every memory and every core event that happened seems to be rushing back. The ways that she hurt her friends immediately occurs in her mind, and it’s that guilt that makes her strive to make it up to them, even if they weren’t truly real. As if wanting to protect her friends from the realization that she had, Monika decides to do one last thing before she “dies”. As if it were some sort of way to let her friends be released from DDLC peacefully, she deletes everything. The world, her school, her club, her dearest friends. She gave herself up in order to protect the things she truly loved in her life. She truly loved her friends, even if they weren’t real, because they had stuck with her all this time, way before player joined. Those were the purest forms of love that she felt, and it must’ve been sad for her to realize that.

Monika’s final send off, “Your Reality”, acts sort of like a reflection of herself and mainly a final display to the player, you, that she did have humanity within her. You can tell by the piano, her voice, and her lyrics that the song is completely genuine and from the bottom of her heart. She wants DDLC to end on a good note because 1) Monika never had that chance to end like that herself, and 2) She doesn’t want you to be upset, she wants you to be happy because she truly did love you. She doesn’t want you or anyone else to go through the same thing she did, and I think that is fricking raw.

If you made it to the end of this rant, damn. I’d like to hear your thoughts and opinions about Monika’s while arc. Thanks for reading haha <3