#lithromantic positivity

[flip-flopping-frede]

My attempt at Lithromantic Positivity

I want to preface this by saying I am ~in general~ not a fan of positivity. Trying to “force positivity” is quickly a slippery slope to toxic positivity and superficially. Nonetheless, I feel like I could have realized some lithromantic positivity, and thought it was necessary to share rather than keep it to myself.

It is ok that there’s nothing good about being lithro. It is ok if there are no benefits that we can exploit from ourselves and take advantage of ourselves (or our relationships) with. Lithromantics not necessarily having *any* positives to being lithro (besides our dope flag) means that those of us that have accepted ourselves, are some of the most compassionate, kind, strong, and resilient souls. The amount of self-compassion one has to develop before they can radically accept themselves as lithromantic, is so much higher than essentially any other queer identity.

In a world that has yet to be educated on aromanticsm, aromantics and cupioromantics are scared to date alloromantics, due to alloromantics behaving like it is a “dealbreaker” or “end of the world” if their [romantic] partner is not “in love” [essentially experiencing romo attrac] towards them. It’s valid for both aros and cupioros to be scared to date alloros because of this arophobic mindset they have, tho.

Anyways, a lithromantic might “seem” more appealing to an uneducated alloromantic, since we do experience the romo attrac, or what alloros mistake for “love”. At the same time, once an alloro experiences and returns that romo attrac towards the lithro, the lithro’s romo attrac fades. Not necessarily fades, but flees and turns into romance repulsion (for most lithros). Uneducated, insecure, and/or unaccepting alloros might feel very hurt for the lithros sudden change. Simultaneously, the lithro may also be hurting for not being able to “keep” or “hold on” to the romo attrac. It feels like, being lithro leaves everyone worse off (and is potentially traumatizing for the lithro). This is why lithros who have accepted themselves have learned how to be compassionate and kind to themselves to an extent that most other queer identities never have to go to before they can accept their queer identity, due to there being more external support, education, and acceptance for their queer identities (including for aros).

It is so easy for lithromantics, especially lithros that have chosen to remain closeted, to drown in a sea of their own self-hatred and shame of being an arospec identity that leaves the alloromantics that reciprocated the romo attrac angry and confused. In a world where alloromantics have all the privilege and amatonormativity is everywhere, lithros are so strong, brave, and resilient for existing as our lithromantic identity in a world that refuses to see us, acknowledge us, validate us, support us, accept us, or understand us.

This is where the lithromantic positivity comes in: lithromantics can relate to everyone. Lithromantics know what it feels like to experience romantic attraction; and we know what it feels like to have a romantic relationship look you dead in the face and not want it. We are also romance ambivalent! We understand what it means to have more than one attitude towards romance. We can understand both apothiros and cupioros. We can relate to another largely unknown arospec identity—frayromantism, since frayros also experience involuntary, primary romantic attraction, just like lithros do. We can even relate to alloros in terms of experiencing romantic attraction involuntarily and getting crushes. And finally, we can relate to aros with struggling to desire romantic relationships in the same way an alloromantic does.

There are so many other identities lithromantic is similar to, like aegoromantic, bellusromantic, and frayromantic. Lithros belong in arospec spaces, and lithros’ voices are so valuable to the arospec community. Lithros are essential in terms of helping to bridge the distance and alienation that is only growing between aromantics and alloromantics.

At the same time, lithros need support. Unfortunately, a lot of lithos hate their identity, and feel no pride for it. We don’t feel seen or validated, and a lot of us feel a lot of shame for being lithromantic. I personally didn’t really see any actual lithros celebrating their lithromanticsm during this year’s arospec awareness week, which is sad. We need the arospec community to affirm that are voices are valuable and that our experiences are valid, especially as we are struggling to accept ourselves.

[silver-stargazing]

Happy pride month, all!

@aspecpridecalendar asked for pride content celebrating different aspec identities so here’s a lithromantic mixtape I’ve been working on. Enjoy!

[acexualien]

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week! 🥰💚

[taking-thyme]

Lesser-known signs that you may be Arospec

This applies to all Arospec identities like Demiromantic, Cupioromantic, Lithromantic, etc... I tried to include as many as possible

You might want a romantic relationship but know you couldn’t be truly happy in one

You strongly identify with terms like Spinster, Bachelor or characters who notably do not have love interests. The idea of living as a spinster/bachelor and not having romantic connections appeals to you

You still want to be desired but in a distinctly non-romantic way, such as in an unrequited or platonic scenario 

You find yourself primarily attracted to those you cannot have, like fictional characters

You have had crushes, but they fade away as soon as it is reciprocated or even just with time. All romantic feelings leave you and you suddenly find yourself totally uninterested and uncomfortable

You have tried romance before, especially multiple times, but it never seems to be for you, even for multiple different reasons

Romantic tropes that turn everyone else on upset or confuse you, such as protectiveness, possessiveness and yandere dynamics

You just plain don't see the appeal of romance

Aspects of romance in general freak you out, such as kissing

You walk out or feel extreme discomfort during romantic scenes in movies

You don’t understand how anyone has the time to date, or other do things like thinking that your peers are all too young to think about dating, when really, it’s just you

You have been interested in others choosing your romantic partner for you, such as in matchmaking or arranged marriage, because you have a hard time choosing someone that you are attracted to yourself. It seems easier to have a trusted companion choose your partner because you don’t feel that way towards anyone in particular on your own

You have romantic feelings but are completely fine with not acting on them

You find it extremely easy to get over crushes. When someone you had a crush on rejects you, you’re like “oh okay” and just start not feeling that way towards them, like you just turned your attraction towards them off 

You’d be “fine” with romance and go along with it, but do not have any desire to do it yourself

You want relationship perks without the attraction

You like romance in theory, but not in practice

You constantly doubt yourself in relationships in a way that is not directly or obviously linked to insecurity or something else

You don’t know why people spend so much money on weddings, despite knowing that they’re in love

You’re incredibly cynical about romance for no apparent reason (that is not immediately trauma-related or anything)

Romantic stories and gossip are unappealing, boring or upsetting

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

Aromantic Flag History

With all the arophobes coming out of the woodworks, I want to share some aromantic history to hopefully brighten your day.

The first use of the term "aromantic" appeared in an AVEN thread in June of 2005. A couple years later, a flag was created by the National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility. It looked like this:

Green symbolized aromanticism, as green is the opposite of red, and red is sometimes seen as a symbol of romance. Yellow represented platonic love. Orange represented lithromanticism, and black represented anyone who fell under the greyromantic range.

At some point, the aromantic community decided it was time for a change, and thus came the second flag. Created by Cameron Whimsy, this one looks a lot more familiar to the one we see nowadays:

The two greens represent the spectrum of aromantic identities, yellow represents friendship, and grey and black represent the spectrum of sexual identities in the aromantic community.

While this flag wasn't as widely used as the first, it laid the groundwork for the one we'd come to know and love today. At some point, it was pointed out that the yellow stripe caused sensory issues for some individuals, and as such, it was changed to white.

And now we have the modern aromantic flag we all love! Thanks for reading!

[joestarkisser]

Arospec selfshippers are amazing!

Aromantic selfshippers?

Aroflux selfshippers?

Arospike selfshippers?

Arofluid selfshippers?

Loveless Aro selfshippers?

Frayromantic selfshippers?

Lithromantic selfshippers?

Bellusromantic selfshippers?

Acoromantic selfshippers?

Acriromantic selfshippers?

Amoraromantic selfshippers?

Autiaro selfshippers?

Cupioromantic selfshippers?

Cassromantic selfshippers?

And any other selfshippers with an arospec identity?

Your F/Os all respect you and your identity regardless of what it is!

[acewhowantsspace]

Holy hell. I didn't know there was a word for how I felt. I didn't know others felt like this. I thought I was faking being aromantic.

GUESS WHO JUST FOUND OUT WHAT LITHROMANTIC IS

Holy hell. It feels good. It feels nice knowing that there's a WORD FOR HOW I FEEL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

Because, like, I enjoy the IDEA of a relationship. But when I'm faced with the reality of one, I'm like, "No no, I changed my mind, I don't want this. I lost interest"

The fantasy is more appealing than the reality.

I feel happy right now. Oh my god

[lawofcollage]

Lithromantic: an individual who feels romantic love towards someone but has no desire of having these feelings reciprocated

[your-stranger-halfblood-things]

A shout-out to the arospecs who don't feel romantic attraction, DO feel romantic attraction, sometimes feel romantic attraction, feels little to no romantic attraction, and obviously the ones who are shunned away from the rest of the community

[isapun]

don’t ask your three year old daughter if they have a boyfriend yet.

I realised I was arospec around 4 months ago, coming to terms with the idea that I wouldn’t ever be able have those feelings for someone was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

I had a pre-school boyfriend. Shocker, things didn’t work out (otherwise I’m technically still married-by-the-swings to someone I don’t even speak to anymore-) Ever since then I’d looked forward for the idea that I’d fall in love one day, and we’d have that connection that I’d seen demonstrated in all of my favourite shows. I’d be doing something fun, or I’d be visiting a cool place and I’d think “Rad, one day I’m going to be able to do this with my BOYFRIEND !!” (Spoiler alert, time went on and I did NOT in fact end up having those feelings for anyone.) I could love people, sure, but it sure as hell wasn’t romantic.

I spent the first three months being upset.

I had been taught from a young age that boys and girls fell in love and got married (which is a whole other can of worms, we hate heteronormativity-) Even if it wasn’t intentional, this messed me up BIG TIME. I tried dating. I thought that if I pretended the guilty feeling wasn’t there, it would go away. I thought I had too high standards, even though I genuinely had a deep respect and admiration for anyone that showed an interest in me romantically, and I felt bad every time I let them down because I knew the friendship would never last long beyond that point.

I’m ashamed to admit that even now I still find myself vying for male validation because it was instilled in me from such a young age that I needed that attention. Even if it’s still a problem I’m glad I can recognise where this problem comes from so that I can work on it :)

So yeah— don’t ask your three year old child if they have a boyfriend. They don’t need your amatonormativity <3

[dimonds456]

also, you wanna know what the best pride flag looks like?

b o o m .

Pack up and go home, the lithromantics win by default with their cool fire-flag.

[theasexualgoddess]

Things are getting alittle interesting 🤷🏾‍♀️

Happy Aromantic Awareness Week 💚🤍🖤🏳️‍🌈

Characters & Art by me 🖤

[perfectlyyoungtimetravel]

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week Day 05: Comfort/Platonic

he made the blanket himself!

So let's talk about Lithromantic! Lithromantic people feel romantic attraction but would rather keep the relationship platonic. They can also feel platonic, aesthetic, queerplatonic, sensual and sexual attraction

Credits: @comyet

Materials used: soft pastel crayons and HB-2 pencil

See you today!

[taking-thyme]

It's so weird being Arospec while also being fascinated by interesting people. I just LOVE meeting people and learning about them and complimenting them, but it feels like it's always forced to be in a romantic context. So much so that it tricks me into thinking that it must be a crush when really I just want to meet cool people and make new friends!

When I tell people I got a guy's number they're always like "Oooh, does someone have a boyfriend?👀" and I have to sit there like "NO! Not every interaction between a guy and a girl is romantic! I just think he's interesting and wanted to compliment him on his beard and talk about the new Kirby game together!!"

[aspec-advice]

hello!

So uhhh, I’ve been aspec for a very long time, however I’ve never been able to put a finger on any aromantic labels and my asexual labels fall apart when put under a magnifying glass. I was wondering if there were any micro labels that seemed outstandingly fitting because for some reason in all my research I have not run across any. With my aromantic-ness, I THINK I feel romantic attraction. Like, I have a whole hierarchy of attraction and have people I’d love to hypothetically do cute romantic things with, but the hypothetical doesn’t last long because imagining myself in a REAL romantic situation gives me the ick. Also whenever anyone shows the slightest hint of romantic attraction to me I can’t be around them anymore. This has zero application to fiction though. I get fictional crushes all the time and I’ve found myself unironically enjoying dating sims (sobbing because I’ll never have that). On the asexual side of the spectrum, I think I’m totally 100% fine with anything sensual but anything else has the same hypothetical thing where I don’t like to think of myself in that type of situation. This one is less strong though, I feel a bit less sex repulsed I think.

All this aside, I still really want a partner (or maybe multiple) but I don’t know if this is just a trauma response I have to work through, or if it’s something I’m stuck with and I’ll always feel icky. I’m at least demiromantic and greysexual, if you can name any labels even just for me to look into or anything about types of relationships that might work that would be extremely kind and helpful. Hope you have a wonderful day!

(sorry this is so long-)

hello!! so i found a few labels that might pertain to what you're saying 9tbh they work a bit better if they're combined lol), so there's aegoromantic which is liking romance but not wanting to be in a romantic relationship, bellusromantic which is interest in aspects of a romantic relationship but not actually feeling romantic attraction (kinda similar to cupioromantic), you mentioned a trauma response and caedromantic is linked to that, it's like someone once felt romantic attraction but due to trauma they no longer do, frayromantic is feeling romantic attraction at first but losing it once getting to know the person better (this feels most similar to what you were describing), and lithromantic which is experiencing romantic attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated. out of all of these labels the ones that appear to align most with what you were talking about are frayromantic, bellusromantic, and lithromantic! in regards to the asexual thing you could honestly just be a sex neutral or sex positive asexual! i am a sex neutral asexual btw lol. i think being in a relationship might be hard but if you're younger or have like self esteem or mental health things that you're dealing with that might also be a really big part about why you're uncomfortable with being in a relationship. i thought i was aromantic for a really long time because i just didn't like being in a relationship because i didn't like the idea of someone like getting to know me on a deeper level and actually liking me despite knowing me that well because like i couldn't like myself, but as i've grown and gotten more comfortable with myself that viewpoint has changed and i no longer feel uncomfortable in a relationship! if you do want a partner i would suggest dating someone who is also on the aromantic and asexual spectrum because that will make explaining everything much easier!

i hope this helped!!

mars