#aro history

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

Aromantic Flag History

With all the arophobes coming out of the woodworks, I want to share some aromantic history to hopefully brighten your day.

The first use of the term "aromantic" appeared in an AVEN thread in June of 2005. A couple years later, a flag was created by the National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility. It looked like this:

Green symbolized aromanticism, as green is the opposite of red, and red is sometimes seen as a symbol of romance. Yellow represented platonic love. Orange represented lithromanticism, and black represented anyone who fell under the greyromantic range.

At some point, the aromantic community decided it was time for a change, and thus came the second flag. Created by Cameron Whimsy, this one looks a lot more familiar to the one we see nowadays:

The two greens represent the spectrum of aromantic identities, yellow represents friendship, and grey and black represent the spectrum of sexual identities in the aromantic community.

While this flag wasn't as widely used as the first, it laid the groundwork for the one we'd come to know and love today. At some point, it was pointed out that the yellow stripe caused sensory issues for some individuals, and as such, it was changed to white.

And now we have the modern aromantic flag we all love! Thanks for reading!

[heartless-aro]

what's the story behind aardvarks and yellow roses?

Yellow Roses

Ok so yellow roses are a bit more straightforward to explain, so I’m gonna start there. Outside of the aromantic community, yellow roses traditionally symbolize friendship. Because of this symbolism, when the first aromantic flag (the four stripe flag with green, yellow, orange, and black, shown below) was published on the website for the National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility (NCAV), the flag included a yellow stripe which represented romantic friendship, friends with benefits, friendship dating, and queerplatonic relationships.

The redesigns of the flag also included a yellow stripe (to represent lithromantics) though I’m not sure whether this was at all inspired by the yellow stripe in the original flag (if anyone knows please lmk). Still, it’s an interesting piece of aro history for sure. We still see yellow being used to represent platonic attraction sometimes (notably, on the queerplatonic flag), so there could be some link there as well (though that’s a bit of speculation).

Before the “ace discourse” era on here, I also used to see yellow roses by themselves being used as a symbol of aromanticism by aromantics due to platonic love being intrinsic to how many people experience their aromanticism. It wasn’t as common of a symbol as, say, aardvarks or spades, but it was common enough to be recognizable as a symbol. It was especially used as a symbol of platonic love and attraction within the aro community, as one might expect. Here’s a screenshot of one instance of this that I found digging through old posts by @aromanticaardvark on Wayback Machine. The post is from 2015.

I’m not sure why, but I’ve always personally liked the yellow roses as an aro symbol even if I don’t entirely relate to the platonic love symbolism (in fact, I could be considered aplatonic, though I don’t often label myself as such).

I actually use the blue roses in my header as a nod to the old yellow rose symbol, in case anyone was curious about that. (I chose blue roses instead of yellow since, as I said, the platonic love symbolism isn’t particularly relatable to me. Plus blue roses are often used to symbolize unattainable or unrequited love, which I thought was fitting since I myself am unattainable, and any romantic feelings directed towards me will forever be unrequited).

Aardvarks

So, I’m about 90% sure that the aardvark symbol was started by @aromanticaardvark, who used to be one of the big name blogs in the aro community (though their blog has been inactive since 2016). Back when advice animal memes were a thing, the person behind the Aromantic Aardvark blog used to post aromantic-themed advice animal memes which featured an aardvark. (An example of one such meme originally posted on the Aromantic Aardvark blog in 2011 is shown below).

In 2015, Aromantic Aardvark received the anonymous ask “What does the aardvark have to do with it?” to which they replied “Nothing, really, it’s just alliterative. Aromantic Aardvark was founded when advice animals were a common meme here on tumblr, and my friend and I thought it’d be funny if there were an aromantic meme. That aspect of the blog eventually went away however, and it became more of a general resource/advice blog for aro spectrum people.” This would seem to imply that the use of aardvarks to symbolize aromantics originated on the Aromantic Aardvark tumblr blog.

This would make sense seeing as Aromantic Aardvark was one of the early aromantic blogs, and was even linked on the NCAV website back in 2014.

Aardvarks were used pretty commonly as an aromantic symbol for a while. Notably, the AroPlane forum, where a lot of early discussions about aromantic symbols and flag redesigns took place, used a drawing of an aardvark in its website banner (see below).

I’m honestly not quite sure when aardvarks started to decline in use as an aromantic symbol though.

[queerasfact]

Get excited! Tomorrow we'll be releasing a podcast talking about Jane Austen, whether or not she was queer, and myriad ways her work has been interpreted through a queer lens over the years.

[Image: sketch of Jane Austen by her sister Cassandra Austen, c.1810 - source. Jane is leaning back in a chair with her arms folded and a serious expression on her face. She is wearing a headscarf with a few curls escaping around her forehead, and a short-sleeved dress.]

[our-arospec-experience]

The History of Aromanticism

17th Century: The Golden Orchid Society in South China creates self-combing women- women who would wear their hair they way married women would to say they were not available. The women did not want to have sexual/romantic partners.

1970s: Dorothy Tennov wrote about non-limerent people in her book, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Limerence is a (now) outdated term for feeling romantic attraction. She and other theorists recognized that romantic and sexual love may not be linked.

non-limerent was an early terms for aromantic people.

2005: the term aromantic was coined by the asexual visibility and education network.

2008/9: the term aromantic became more widespread.

The origional flag:

Green, because it is the opposite of red, the most commonly associated romance color.

Yellow, representing platonic love, because yellow roses represent friendship.

Orange, for grayromantics, because it is in between red and yellow.

And black, representing alloromantics that "reject traditional ideas of romance".

This flag was later changed because it closely resembled the Rastafarian flag, and because it had a stripe representing alloromantics

the flag went through a few more stages before settling on the one we use today.

(https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Aromantic#History)

[a-gay-a-day]

Loveless Aromanticism

Aromanticism is still a relatively new topic in the queer community. As such, it is very hard to find scholarly sources on aromanticism. This post consists of three definitions of loveless aromantics, and then my personal definition, being somewhat connected to that identity myself. 

One explanation of this is “Some people do not feel, understand, or connect with love – any form of it. They may identify as “Loveless”, which originated in the aromantic community as a way of reclaiming something often seen as a negative trait.”

Another definition is “Loveless Aro describes someone who is on the aromantic spectrum that is in some way disconnected from the concept of love, does not feel love, may doubt that they feel love, or rejects the idea of experiencing love.”

In an interview with some loveless aromantics, Santelmo, one of the people interviewed, said “Every loveless aro labels themself as loveless for different reasons, no one with it has the same reasons for doing so. That and saying things like ‘love isn't inherently romantic’ and ignoring the fact that society made it out so that love is inherently romantic.”

As someone who identifies with the term loveless aromatic, my definition is as follows: It is the unwillingness to label any strong positive feelings as love, due to the connotations presented in the word love by our modern society.

My personal reasons for identifying with this term are the same reasons that I prefer it/it’s pronouns: linguistical accuracy. As someone quite interested in language, I cannot use the term love without comparing it to its linguistical predecessors, all of which primarily were used to mean lust. While this is not everyone's reason for identifying as such, it is my own. 

[rjalker]

For those who weren't there, or had no actual understanding,

Yes, aros were also persecuted during the Ace Discourse time. They were also being targeted, and just as viciously.

It's just that the fucking exclusionists did not know and did not care that "aro" did not inherently mean "ace" or vice versa. They attacked aro people the same exact way they attacked ace people, literally just lumping them in with aces and calling them aces.

Because they were bigots. All they wanted to do was shit on people, and they did not give enough fucks to learn about the people they were shitting on.

Aro people were mocked as being "asexies" the same fucking way people who were ace were.

The bigots just could not be fucking bothered to learn that ace and aro were not inherently synonyms.

The ace exclusionists were no fucking different from any random bigot on the street who doesn't know or care about the differences between being mspec and gay, they just know you're not straight, and that's more than enough, in their minds, to justify everything they're about to throw at you.

Aro people were just as persecuted during the "ace discourse" as ace people were. It's just that the bigots refused to even aknowledge their existance as something other than "cringey asexies not knowing what friends are"

[autismserenity]

I finally caved in to my deep desire to call this video "Julia Morgan and the Lesbian Doctors."

But the Lesbian Doctors are really also gonna get a deep dive of their own, because their lives were fascinating.

That one ends up at a socialist commune in Siberia almost immediately. Because of course it does.

This one stays in California. But boy does it ever make an impact there.

Also it's unfair, really, to call it "A Tower of Asexual History," because she was clearly aro as well. But I had thought I'd be putting it out for Ace Week. Ha ha ha. I tried.

Gimme more video ideas please! I need to do deep dives all OVER queer history!

And you can get lots of extra bonus content here:

[kiwimuichiro]

What is non-limerent?

Non-limerent is one of the precursors to Aromantic.

Limerence is what is sometimes referred to as "being in love" with someone, as opposed to "loving" someone, it is also sometimes called infatuation.

The term was published in Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (1979) by Dorothy Tennov. Tennov coined the term Limerence in 1977, it is now an outdated term for feeling romantic attraction. It is unclear whether non-limerent was ever adopted as an identifier or if it remained solely as a descriptor.

Excerpts from the book:

'"The feelings you as nonlimerent may have about another person may include sexual attraction, friendship, and affection"'

'"Nonlimerent" refers to a person who is not limerent at the time. Both the limerent and the non-limerent states tend me be sustained. The most frequently encountered patterns were limerents who had always been in love with someone or wanting love, since early age, and nonlimerents who simply could not remember being any other way.'

'"Do you know, I think that both Tim and I were non-limerents and that that's why we got along as well as we did. If we had been able to talk about it in these terms instead of beating around the bush like that, it would have been better, but probably both of us were afraid to come out and say we did not 'love'"'

In 1996, Brian Tung wrote an article about Limerence and non-limerence. He also wrote a Q&A answering questions about Limerence, here is one:

'Q. Why do you insist on using the word?

A. Because it's helping people.

Shortly after I joined the Net in 1986, a man in his 60s posted an article saying his SO (significant other) had told him she "loved" him, but wasn't "in love with" him. He couldn't understand any distinction between loving and being in love. Several people posted their own ideas, all of which completely missed the mark. I, having read Tennov's book, posted the limerence symptomatology. The original poster responded saying, "Yes, this turns out to be what my SO means in this case. Thanks!" Since then, many people have e-mailed to thank me for throwing light on what was previously a puzzle to them.'

Sources:

aromanticism. org/en/news-feed/aromantic-history

Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (1979) by Dorothy

doctorogenki.tripod.com/smartsex/id18. html

[sunny-rants]

Queerness is not just about sex and romance. Since the concept of queer has been around, so have asexual and aromantic people. Lavender marriages, voluntary spinsters, vows of chastity used to cover a disinterest in sex. “Monosexuals”, “anesthesia sexual”, “anaphrodites”, category "X". Queer-platonic relationships, asexuality and aromanticism are an undeniable part of lgbtq+ history. Before there were any terms, any flags or acronyms, choosing to not conform to society’s romantic and sexual guidelines has been the very essence of queerness. The inherent queer experience of feeling alienated because you don’t love the “right” way or feel the right feelings for the right people, of trying to meet the expectations set for you while trying to build a life that doesn’t feel like a lie. These are all part of the aspec experience. We aren’t “invading” a space we don’t belong because it’s a trend, or an internet identity. We’re not “spicy straight”. We’re making ourselves known in a community we have always been a part of.

[raavenb2619]

I’m not sure when exactly this happened, but I think it’s clear that the aro community really is a community, now.

For the longest time I’ve felt like we were still in stasis, not quite there; a proto-community, yes, but not quite a community. But we have more history now to lean back on, more of each other to talk to and laugh with and cry with and learn from. More people that’ll go forward and make a part of modern aro history. More people that believe us, believe in us, will stand with us if we ask them.

I wouldn’t consider myself an aro elder yet, though each year I’m surprised at how long aromanticism has been a part of my life, how long I’ve been free of doubt or insecurity about my aromanticism, how far we’ve come since I was questioning. Then again, when I was questioning, some of the people I looked up to for guidance were probably close to the age I am now, so I might be there sooner than I think.

And, I’m so so hopeful for all aros, young or old, new or not, because we’ve come so far. Day by day, progress is slow (and yes, it’s unfair, it should be so much faster), but looking back it feels fast. We are our own role models, the people we look up to for guidance. We carve our own path through life, making things up as we go. I used to find that terrifying, because I had no idea what the future would bring. But it’s actually amazing, because I can ignore all these silly “rules” and guidelines about what my life should be, and instead ask, “what do I want my life to be?”

Younger me, you have no idea how awesome your future is gonna be. I’m sorry about the pain and hardship you’ll go through first; it won’t be fair and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. But you’ll make it through, and one day you’ll be me. I can’t wait for you to get here.

[aromantic-diaries]

Honestly I'm glad that the aro community is moving from "we still love our friends and family we're not heartless!" to "we don't need to make up for our lack of romantic attraction with other forms of love" because yeah, our platonic and/or familial relationships are not romance-lite or a substitute for romantic love and a lot of aros reject the idea of love altogether. So yeah fuck trying to appeal to alloromantic people with the whole "we swear we're normal" thing. I don't need to make sense to anyone

Either you accept me as I am whether you understand me or not or you leave me the fuck alone

[heartless-aro]

What does it mean to be “aromantic enough”? — Some thoughts on aromantic history and identity

We, the aromantic community, are a young community with a short history (so far), but I still wanted to reflect a bit on our roots and talk about how we define aromanticism and who “belongs” in our community, since I see a lot of self-doubting aros who worry that they don’t.

There used to be an asexuality-centered Yahoo group called “Haven for the Human Amoeba (HHA),” which was created in 2000, predating AVEN by over a year. The first known usage of the word “aromantic” happened in this group in 2002 when a user named maxnova100 said the following:

It’s quite disheartening to see friends of mine sacrifice what was once important to them (friends, pets, work, hobbies) for the sake of trasient “relationships.” Now, it’s understandable that people make such sacrifices for spouses and children, but those who throw aside things that once defined their lives to make time for a fling that they know won’t last more than a month, that to me is incomprehensible.

As such, I’d have to say that I’m not so much asexual (in that I have some sex drive, though probably much less than what’s “normal” for someone my age) as averse to having “romantic” relationships. They take up too much time and emotional energy (I’ve always felt emotionally drained and tired after what few “dates” I’ve been on) and subtract away from the things I really value in life. The concept of putting my hobbies, work, and avocational interests on the back burner for the sake of keeping a girlfriend entertained seems about as appealing to me as having a 100 pound ball and chain around my ankles.

Nor is this due to being a “loner,” as I enjoy the company of all types of people as friends and casual acquaintances. What would be an appropriate term for somebody who is not quite asexual but who dreads the concept of being in a “relationship?” Aromantic (LOL)?

Part of what’s interesting about this is that there’s no way of knowing for sure whether the person writing this had experienced what we would now describe as romantic attraction. What we do know is that they did not identify as asexual, that they had been on dates in the past, and that the reason they described themself as aromantic was specifically due to their aversion to romance.

The reason why I point this out is because I have often seen people, especially those who are newer to our community, question whether they’re “really aromantic,” if they’re allosexual (non-asexual), if they’ve been in romantic relationships before, or if they aren’t sure whether they “really don’t feel attraction or if they do but are just romance repulsed.” But here, we see the first known usage of the word aromantic being used to describe someone who did not identify as asexual, who had been on dates before, and who was using the word specifically to refer to their aversion to romance (not necessarily a lack of romantic attraction).

The first known use of “aromantic” to specifically refer to a lack of romantic attraction was in a comment on an AVEN poll in 2005, specifically in reference to aromantic asexuals (who until then were referred to as asexual-asexual for lack of a better term). By 2008-2009, the term started to be used more frequently, and a few years later, around 2011, our community’s first flag was designed on the National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility.

This flag, the original aromantic flag, had four stripes. These were a green stripe, a yellow stripe, an orange stripe, and a black stripe. Most sources either describe the orange stripe as having symbolized either gray-(a)romantics or lithromantics, and the black stripe as having symbolized alloromantics who “rejected traditional ideas of romance” (or something along similar lines). This shows that once there started to be somewhat of an aromantic community, people on the aromantic spectrum (outside of those who experience no romantic attraction at all) were considered a part of the community, as were some people who experienced romantic attraction but simply “rejected traditional ideas of romance” (at least, according to the standards of whoever designed our first flag). This flag was later replaced, in part because it was criticized for including alloromantic people but not including many identities on the aromantic spectrum, but these details are still interesting to note.

Nowadays, according to AUREA, aromantic is used to mean anyone who feels little to no romantic attraction or whose relationship to romance is non-normative. This includes gray-aros, demiromantics, lithromantics, frayromantics, cupioromantics, and anyone else on the aro spectrum. This includes allosexual (non-asexual) aromantics, partnering aromantics, and romance favorable aromantics. I would argue that it even includes people who experience average levels of romantic attraction but are uninterested in having or do not enjoy having romantic relationships/experiences (i.e., “orchidromantic” people).

All this is to say, no matter where you fall on the aromantic spectrum, if you feel that “aromantic” is the most accurate description of who you are and of your experiences and relationship to romance, then it is your word. You are just as aromantic as I am as a nonpartnering romance repulsed aroace who experiences no romantic attraction whatsoever. So long as you choose to be a part of it, you belong in our community.

[queerasfact]

Jane Austen

Today's episode is on the English writer Jane Austen. Join us as we discuss whether Jane was queer, on-stage lesbian Mr Darcy, and the evolving queerness of Austen adaptations.

Listen here

Check out our website, where you can find out everything there is to know about Queer as Fact. 

If you enjoy our content, consider supporting us on Patreon, checking out our merch, and following us on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook.

[Image: sketch of Jane Austen by her sister Cassandra Austen, c.1810 - source.]

[decolonize-the-left]

Ive seen an influx in posts asking the LGBT community to hold itself accountable for ace/aro bigotry and they're fucking right.

How are we supposed to hold homophobes and transphobes accountable and demand they do better when we won't even do that for each other?

We're a community right? A family who's supposed to look out for each other? What happened to everyone being valid? Is a sibling saying "you hurt me, please correct it somehow" not valid?

For my part I'll admit I was part of this.

I was on the side of the asexual exclus back in the late 00's/early 10's. I was deep in the belief that oppression had to be systematic in order to count and at the time I didn't see any systematic oppression faced by aces. I even identified as ace and I didn't consider myself oppressed for being asexual. I saw the hostility and vitriol directed at aces everyday...but I didn't see it as wrong. I didn't see it as bigotry. I saw it as righteous anger.

I know how awful things were because I was one of the people making them that way. There is Real trauma that was experienced. There's no fucking way that a normal person could be invalidated that much and take the vitriolic bigotry aces/aros did everyday and have it not leave a lasting impact.

I fucked up. That was wrong and awful of me and I'm genuinely so fucking sorry.

I see the broken trust and promises between us now in 2023 and I see how shattered the community is and it's partly my fault. That gap is there because of me and people like me.

We should have loved and supported and welcomed you. We should have saw the way you were being treated and said something. You deserved to be protected and loved and supported from people who treated you that way.

And you weren't. We didn't. And it was normalized.

We absolutely fucking failed you as a community and as human beings. I need to own that. And I need to be one of the first people to trying to repair that.

And I know an apology is barely even a first step and I know it's just a drop in a giant bucket but I am sorry. For everything it's worth to you, I'm sorry.

Because of me and people like me you experienced the kind of identity trauma that typically only homophobes are capable of. And you experienced it at the hands of the community that's supposed to be fighting specifically that sort of ignorance against a-typical sexualities.

We fucked up

And it'd just be hypocritical salt in the wound if 10+ years later we ignored your asks for accountability and didn't do anything about it when it's resurfacing.

So yeah.

I was a bigot. I hurt people. I hurt my own community. I thought I was right and I wasn't. I was wrong. And so is everyone who insists on continuing that today.

There is no excuse or justification for it. I thought there was too but I was wrong and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making up for it.

Whatever justification you find for treating people with a-typical sexualities and genders is shit. It has no leg to stand on and it sure as hell isn't being done for the sake of the community.

The LGBT community was founded not by people with checklists on how to be a Good Gay or Acceptable trans woman but by people being treated like shit for who they were choosing to love or not love. It was founded by people who's gender didn't fit in cishet boxes. It was founded by people who just wanted to be free to exist as themselves.

You can't treat asexuals or aros or bisexuals or pansexuals like shit and say that it's in the name of the LGBT community.

It's not.

It spits in the face of everything our community is supposed to be and it's time someone besides aces and aros said it.

None of us should be okay with how they're treated and all of us should be part of stopping it

[ale-arro]

a picture of ppl in a qpr captioned "historians will say they were lovers"

[rjalker]

I am aroace. Being ace and aro are inexplicably tied together for me.

A few years ago now I made a post about how asexuality is not pedophilic, in direct response to seeing what I thought was a trusted mutual reblog a post saying, "It's important to teach kids it's okay to be gay, but it's pedophilic to teach them about asexuals" and teaching kids about it can only help them, so they know it's okay not to want to date or kiss other people.

And ever since I made that post people have been fucking getting pissy about me using "ace" and also talking about not feeling romantic attraction.

And a few years ago I did make an addition to the post apologizing.

But you fucking know what? No, I've changed my fucking mind. I'm not going to apologize for saying ace and also meaning aro.

Literally no other fucking orientation forces people to use the split attraction model, and I'm fucking tired of people acting like being ace and aro are completely disparate things that never have anything to do with the other -.-

You use the split attraction model? Cool.

Now, honestly, shut the fuck up and stop policing how other people are allowed to talk about their experiences.

People are allowed to just say "ace" and mean someone who does not want to have sex or date, or kiss, or do anything romantic either.

No, it is not fucking aromisic or acemisic for people who are both to talk about their experiences without always using the fucking split attraction model.

I usually refer to myself as aroace - but I shouldn't fucking have to. You know why I do? Because otherwise if I just call myself ace, people will ignore my aromantcism. If I just call myself aro, they ignore my asexuality.

And that is fucking unacceptable.

I am sick and fucking tired of the aspec community acting like the split attraction model is mandatory and applies to everyone, when it's fucking optional.

Fucking shit like assuming someone who says they're ace still experiences romantic attraction unless they state otherwise is literally fucking amatanormative. Someone saying they're aro and people assuming they still experience sexual attraction unless they state otherwise is literally fucking amatantormative!

Assuming that someone who says they're "ace" or "aro" still experiences the "other" form of attraction unless they state otherwise is literally amisia, by acting like people who are ace or aro need to be fucking redeemed by experiencing other forms of attraction, and they can still be fucking "shippable" and "normal".

I'm fucking tired of it.

I'm aromantic and asexual.

I should be allowed to make a post about being ace or aro without people fucking jumping down my throat about how I'm erasing people who use the split attraction model.

No other fucking sexuality or orientation treats the split attraction model as mandatory, and it's fucking amisic as shit that people in the aspec community think it's okay to do so.

Assuming I'm still redeemable or normal and am willing to date people if I say I'm ace is amisic as fucking shit.

Assuming I'm still redeemable and normal and willing to fuck people if I say I'm aro is amisic as fucking shit.

Leave aroace people alone, and stop fucking demanding people use the split attraction model.

Shit like this is why the first question out of amisics mouths when I tell them I'm ace is "okay, but who do you date?" and why they think it's okay to erase a character's orientation so they can still ship them, because "oh it's definitely ace, but romance was never mentioned!" even when the character is explicitly just as repulsed by romance as sex.

Stop fucking forcing people to use the split attraction model. Stop fucking acting like it's okay to assume someone can still be fucking redeemed by being "normal" in other ways. I'm going to rip the next amisic I see to fucking shreds, and no, fucking ace and aro people who use the split attraction model, you are not fucking exempt!

Especially because it seems like every few years there's yet another fucking form of attraction that you're assumed to experiences unless you state otherwise. "Oh you might be aroace, but you still want a QPR, right? Oh you still experience platonic attraction, right? You still want to get platonically married, right???"

How many more fucking times do I need to say no??