#lol Twitter scares me so I’ll write this here

[ayoyoungg]

.

[landososcar]

so high school ; JB5

pairing(s) ; jude bellingham x singer!reader , jude bellingham x student!reader

summary ; twitters favourite new(ish) artist drops her new album right during her school year.

warnings ; nothinggggg & mainly just fluff bc i love happy people

note ; SORRY ITS SHORT AHHAHA, i’ll post a new lando fic soon i just have no inspiration… ignore any dates that are wrong or don’t match - im lazy. also this is VERYYYY LOOSLY based off so high school lol (it’s mainly the aristotle line)

instagram !

liked by judebellingham, taylorswift, and others

youruser surprise !!!!! as an end of term present (for myself🤭🥳) and in honour of knowing the loml for 15 years, here’s 15 new songs for you guys to (hopefully) enjoy 😊 noah, thank you for trusting me and letting me join you on what might be one of my favourite songs ever!! i loveeee youuuu. && to my jude<3 thank you for inspiring me every single day of our lives. i love you bigger than the whole sky 🩵🩵 (guys he’s actually v v talented and he helped me write scared of my guitar, hard to sleep, and feels like) j, you are my safe place and these songs — especially the ones i haven’t let you hear yet — are for you.

ps guys idk how to only write happy songs but jude is the only one who makes me feel safe enough to express my emotions through my songs 😁 i looooovvveee him and am NOT 🙅‍♀️ breaking up with him. he is stuck with me forever💞

‘the alchemy’ is YOURS tonight at midnight 💓

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user1 WHAT

user2 YOU CANT JUST DROP THIS ON US WTF

oliviarodrigo my girl💞💞 i’m so so soooo excited😭

user3 GIRL I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST CALL THE ALBUM ‘the alchemy’ FOR NO REASON. WHERE TF IS THE TITLE TRACK I KNOW YOUVE GOT HER SOMEWHERE

youruser jude and i love the alchemy the most out of all the songs and wanna keep her just ours for a little bit longer but maybe if you guys enjoy these songs i’ll let you have my baby

user4 YNAJDKJSKDKDIS

user5 WHATTTT songs did she not let jude hear omfg i need to know

youruser he’s heard them all except for daylight, paper rings & so high school lollll

judebellingham refreshing my spotify every minute til midnight you guys don’t understand she’s kept these songs in a VAULT

user6 jude i know you love spotify but apple music get new music 10 minutes early xxx

judebellingham just made an apple music account

user7 TEN MINS TIL THE ALBUM OF THE YEAR DROPS

taylorswift so so proud of you beautiful 🩷🩷

judebellingham I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

judebellingham putting ALLLL of these on the pre-game playlist

youruser babe idk if some of these will pump you up before a game

judebellingham hearing your voice will pump me up idc how sad the song is xx

user8 why’s no one talking about how she’s in UNIVERSITY and dropped a FIFTEEN song album like …??? she’s INSANE. WHERE did she find the TIMEEE

user9 not to mention she lives with him in madrid and does school online coz her uni is in the uk

user10 she’s insane i don’t understand how😭😭

imessages !

instagram !

youruser just posted to their close friends story.

twitter !

instagram !

liked by judebellingham, trentarnold66, and others

youruser surprised my fav person in the uk for his england game and he scored for me 😆🩵🩵

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user1 she wrote “you know how to ball” and he said “yeah” then scored a goal and did a celebration for her😭

user2 zoom in on pic 6 and you’ll see me laying on the road waiting to be run over

judbellingham ‘unemployed girlfriend’ but you’re the greatest singer on earth while also doing online uni full time and you still make time to be able to come see me

youruser it’s coz i love you so so bad

jobebellingham you make me sick

youruser i love u too jobeyyyyyy

england our favourite visitor💙💙

user3 how does she do all this whilst going to uni😭😭😭

oliviarodrigo 💖💖💖

judebellingham I LOVVVEEEE YOUUUUU

user4 i NEED the top in pic 8 where is it from

youruser i found it on depop and HAD to buy it😭😭 i think someone made it x

chappellroan HOTTTTT (you not ur bf)

youruser I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY WIFE💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

user5 i don’t understand how you write sad songs like the ones on your album if ur ‘in love with jude’

user6 jude deserves better than someone who’s so caught up on and still writes songs about her exes

user7 WHYS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS SHE POSTED ON TWITTER IM GOJNG INSANE

user8 LITERALLY?/!;!!/;@:8@ LIKE ??????? “WHERES THE TROPHY? HE JUST COMES RUNNING OVER TO ME” IS SO JUDE CODED WHEN Y/N IS AT LITERALLY ANY OF HIS GAMES

user7 EXACTLYYYYY HE ALWAYSSS RUNS TO HER IMMEDIATELY AFTER HES ALLOWED TO DO HIS OWN THING. ITS FUCKING ADORABLE

user8 IM SO GLAD SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME

user7 were both insane let’s get married

user8 dm me right now wife

youruser liked the comments in this thread

imessages !

instagram !

liked by taylorswift, jobebellingham, and others

youruser lol little life update coz i’ve been m.i.a. for the last almost two months. 1: i went blonde again. 2: my man still as fine as ever. 3: got engaged or whatever lol. 4: slaying up exams. 5: i miss tour so i decided imma come back and see you all soon 🤭🤭 tour dates soon <3

ps in honour of becoming fiance or whatever🤗 the alchemy and 4 other songs are yours on the deluxe version of ‘the alchemy’ ,, out tonight !!!

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user1 WHAT THE FUCK

user2 GIRL LET US BREATHE

harrykane juudddeeeeee!!! congrats🥳❤️

declanrice mr bellingham that is a ROCK

user3 SHE DISAPPEARED FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN CAME BACK AND DROPPED ALL OF RHAT ON HS

gracieabrams OMG WIFE IS GONNA BE A WIFE

user4 BLONDE YN IS BACK AND SHES A FIANCÉ OH MY GOD

judebellingham WIFE WIFE WIFE‼️‼️‼️

youruser not yet my love but so close🥰

judebellingham I CANT HEAR YOU MY WIFE IS AN ACADEMIC AND LYRICAL GENIUS

user5 she’s still writing break up and sad songs whilst engaged… so weird

user6 yeah and jude helps her,, he must be so disgusted right? seriously get a life and go touch grass

taylorswift so so happy for you 💓💓

youruser 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i love you

user7 TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR

england juddeeeeee💙 sooo happy for you two

trentarnold ❤️❤️❤️

user8 how girl just gonna casually drop a ENGAGEMENT announcement in the middle of a photo dump

user9 REALLLL LIKE THATS A BIG ASS RING TOO

noahkahanmusic YESSSSS🤍🤍🤍🤍

user10 HOWWWW is miss girl gonna find time in her schedule to do uni, make music, keep a healthy relationship, AND TOUR

judebellingham mrs*

my other works !

[worldsfromhoney]

Greetings, plebeians

This is your resident unknown and attention-depraved author/writer, BEE/bee/beE/🐝

Here’s some stuff about moi:

I like… tea. YES I LIKE TEA 🍵🍵🍵 it’s quite honestly the greatest invention of all time

I also like reading. That’s kinda like a hobby that all writers are mandated to say. Which is reasonable.

I’m a fan of miniatures and piano. Yeah, I did try them out. Yeah, I did fail spectacularly, thank you! ☺️

I also like painting but the therapy one and not just a blank canvas that sucks the soul out of artists lol

What do I write?

I write… stuff. BEAUTIFUL, HEARTBREAKING STUFF, mind you. But it’s still stuff, so lemme elaborate.

Speculative fiction - if you idk this, it’s really just a mix of fantasy and sci-fi; the ‘what if’ genre

Urban fantasy - don’t get me wrong, I love high fantasy, but urban is waaay easier to worldbuild

Steampunk & other punks - PUUUUNK 🤘🤘🤘

Horror and thriller - mostly psychological and body horror, don’t worry! I don’t do jump scares or anything ☺️

Slice of life - mwah my heart and soul mwah

Others - yes, I am capable of doing other genres 😤 I’m a multi-faceted bee, you know?

DISCLAIMER: what I write might only reflect upon my psyche and state of mind but that is not a guarantee

My WiPs

I am proud to say that… I DO NOT HAVE ANY!!

*gasp* what ever do you mean bee? Are you quitting writing? *sobs*

No, my darlings.

i just have no big projects to boast about right now. I feel like big projects aint my thing at the moment and pushing myself only led me to disappear from the internet for a month 😞

What i do have are short works i randomly choose to write and post here on tumblr !!

✨ FICLET MASTERLIST IS HERE ✨

🐝 POETRY MASTERLIST IS HERE TOO 🐝

If you’re interested, please comment on this post or reblog or DM me if you want to be put in the taglist!!

Does that mean you accept… requests?

…………yes. Yes i do. Go and flood my askbox you plebs !

Am I anywhere else?

Please. It’s 2023. Of course I’m… everywhere *cue evil laugh*

Bluesky - if you haven’t heard it yet, tis the new Twitter… cuz it’s literally made by the old creators of that glorious blue bird *cue a moment of silence*

Tiktok or Twitter - do not look for me here

Tumblr - EYYYYYYYYYYY i post ALL my stuff here !! They’re really just bait to hook some writer friends 🥹

Ko-Fi - ehem ehem i know first drafts are considered shite but BUT i have decided to make them available for perusal yes you can burn your eyes to anyone who buys me a cup of tea ~

Patreon - i finally have one!! I’m still setting it up tho and prepping all the content 💛💛💛

I’ll be doing a patreon soon enough actually so look out for that

How I organise myself

Well i wish this is applicable to actual life because i’d very much like to know how 🫡

Jk, here be the tags:

#bee writes some stuff - my micros, my flash fics, my text posts

#bee plays some games - tag games !! which i have never played before till now !!

#bee does some prompts - this will definitely see the light of day… someday

#bee stalking some writers - what it says on the tin

#bee answers some asks - omg i only added this because someone actually sent me one *faints*

#bee saves some stuff - there are way too many resource posts that i’ve scrolled past cuz idk how to tag

[nicegaai]

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[strscrossed]

so if anyone bothers coming here to send me hate comments or harass me about continuing warlord this is for you: don’t bother lol. your asks will be blocked and deleted. you’ll be ignored and I’m not acknowledging you. cry and scream into the void, send screenshots to your gcs, or try to start something on twitter idc. you’ll be blocked.

it’s taken me months to finally come to the decision that I love this fic and I will write it regardless of how the fandom sees me. I have little care for the fandom and I’m no longer scared of it. but I do want to protect my peace.

to those of you who have supported me and this fic: I love you and I will be updating in a few hours! I’ll also update the tags because I’ve changed the direction of the story.

thank you.

[haleigh-sloth]

I'm quite new to BNHA fandom and shipping, and it's really tough out here I swear 😭 people are telling me to stay away from BKDK's and that they're all toxic, but that can't be true can it? I have talked to a few of them, and they seemed sweet to me and wouldn't it be fair to say that all ships have toxic and non-toxic shippers? I guess it's because it's a popular ship right? have you got any BKDK shippers as mutuals or whatever??? and what advice would you give to enjoying shipping?

Welcome! I hope you have a good time, it’s really fun if you curate what you see and read.

So, I mean, of course not. Not ✨all✨ shippers for ANY ship are toxic and awful. That’s just inaccurate to say.

So idk how familiar with the content on my blog you are—it’s okay if you’re not—but I’m not engaged in any shipping fandoms. Well, not for BNHA at least. So honestly I’m not an expert on how to enjoy it. Curate curate curate. Block blogs who are annoying, mute people on twitter, block on twitter too. Do whatever you gotta do to weed out the weirdos who can't behave.

But on the topic of the fanbase for the ship itself, for some reason in BNHA, idk--people engaged with the ships feel the need to defend their ship's canon potential and compare it to others and "prove" that theirs is more...real? I don't fucking know.

But I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen a fan base as bad about this as BKDK. Yes, it is because it’s a popular ship so it's inevitable it'll be everywhere. But I mean, I don’t see NaruSasu (which puts bkdk to shame) fans acting the way I see some bkdk fans do on such a large overwhelming scale. And NaruSasu has a pretty wild fanbase--but they're mostly funny about it, not....scary. Examples are them arguing with people on Twitter and Tumblr—once again for the purpose of defending their fanon ship’s canon potential—and being SO damn aggressive about it. Writing very aggressive "analyses" about why their ship is bound to be canon, AND that if Horikoshi DOESN'T make it canon then he's the antichrist. A while back, a WSJ cover with Izuku and Ochacko was published and I had someone in my DMs telling ME (idk why me??) that they're "so scared" Horikoshi is going to throw away all of BkDk's development as a couple and make IzuOcha canon, and that he's homophobic if he doesn't....I mean fuck.

I don't have this issue with other aspects of the manga's fanbase. At all.

But it's as you pointed out--it's THE most popular fandom ship, so yes it's going to be everywhere and be more annoying to those of us who don't particularly care to see it thrown in their faces.

But for someone to tell you to just avoid them at all costs is dramatic. If you like the ship, then engage in the content--lord knows you have more to pick from than anyone else in the fandom LOL. Enjoy it.

But YES! On tumblr I do have buddies here who like the ship and....it matters 0. It doesn't matter, because pretty much everybody I follow knows how to behave and not be a fucking weirdo who harasses people and gets insanely scary aggressive online about a fucking ship. If you see people using their ship to shit on other characters and other ships in general and you see that they can't just be--and I'm sorry to use this word--NORMAL about it, then I'd say run for the hills and don't look back.

I generally am not a fan of the current shipping culture because it's turned into very ugly arguments that make my head hurt. So I really can't point you in any direction to get a fun experience with it, but the warning signs that someone is taking it just a little bit too far are usually pretty obvious. You'll know your limits and you'll figure out what you're comfortable with seeing and not. I hope you have a good time though. It's fun here.

[euphoricfilter]

Ah so many good replies to my recent asks! Thank you! Not me asking for it and then feeling sad about the contract ending and the relationship for the contract ask lol it’s an interesting concept but oof it hurt a lil lol. My hollyhomburg thoughts kinda going everywhere lol. And I ask you for thoughts like 3 times, sorry lol. Yeah, I’ve read hollyhomburg’s fic! One of my favorite writers. They said the next ch is going to be smutty so 👀 I love their smut in bily but they space it out more which is nice too. The fluff is also super cute. And the angst is top tier. I’ve teared up to it a few times. Their omegaspace stuff is so good and written the most I’ve read in bts omega verse fics. Mc is so cute especially during it. The Namjoon feeding her on her lap and then lightly scruffing her part ahh omg. I love the casual dominance!! I wanted to ask you about it but idk if you’d know what I meant lol Please share some thoughts on it! I kinda want that bc I find it hard to take care of myself with food, water, and sleep ;^; Collars is a holy grail ch omg! it’s written so well for a concept I love. I follow them on Twitter and read some good member x members fics based on their likes. I’m too scared to check their nsfw account hmm even though I think they’re pretty. The snake top pic omg. I just want to imagine them as cute :( But not them saying mc’s heat will come closer to the end of the series TT I’m hoping we’ll get to see the others in rut and heat soon at least. The tae and Jimin in the car scene omg. Slick drunk Namjoon with his chain collar and leash. The spanking ch esp bc yoongi uses mc’s thighs and we first get to see slick drunk Namjoon. I can’t wait to read when mc can fit him. The few ideas she wrote that Namjoon is so big. It makes his pups quiet and dumb during cockwarming omg. I crave a full on puppy hobi scene with mc there too. But it’s still slow burn between them. It’s so torturous but good. Please share thoughts on puppy hobi and mc with Namjoon and Jin dom! Omg dom Jin is so good here. I also thought the full alpha bts pack would include omega mc but it’s cute as is too. Please share thoughts on thus! Tae’s story and poems. Mc’s development TT NOODLE best boi! Too bad he doesn’t like all of the pack, but the reasoning is nice :/ How could they make it that noddle doesn’t like Yoongi though?! I want to imagine Yoongi with a cat since we haven’t seen it irl :/ It’s such a masterpiece omg! -🖤

IM SORRY AVOUT THE CONTRACT ASK LMAO

ahhh i’ve been reading bily since the first chapter and i’m so excited for the next one!!!!!!! their writing is always so pretty ahhhh

the m/c and namjoon’s recent date was cute as well AND NOODLE IS A WHOLE BABY i’d have thought that maybe because the m/c and yoongi are bonded noodle would have warmed up to yoongi more

i’ve really enjoyed the series so far though! it was always nice to wake up to the new chapter and i don’t usually read slow burn fics because i’m extremely impatient and like to be able to finish a series in like 2 or 3 sittings. however! bily is definitely one of my favorite stories on tumblr!

i love the idea of just being taken care of, it can be really hard sometimes to remember to do everything by yourself and making sure that you’re healthy, i’d sell a kidney to just have someone do all of the hard bits for me 😭

ahh i haven’t followed them on twitter maybe i should do that!!!!

i’m interested in the way they plan to write the rut/ bear scenes especially since i think a lot of the big stuff if happening towards the end of the series!! i’ll wait though because i know it’s going to be good. it’ll be interesting to see everyone’s dynamics while all in that situation rather than 3-4 of them at a time

JIMIN AND TAE CAR SCENE I SCREAMED

there’s something so yummy about the m/c physically being too small to take namjoon and you just know it’s going to be so so good when she finally can

m/c x puppy hobi would be really interesting to see but as it stands we’re still slowly working towards their relationship 😭

i think puppy hobi is really cute and somehow really fits his character. i also love the dynamic between namjoon and the m/c, just broad alpha who’s really trying his best to keep everyone together and slowly learning how to love the m/c the way she needs to be loved is so precious. now i love the m/c x jin even more HES SO I DONT EVEN HAVE THE WORDS EXCEPT YES PLEASE jin is just so yummy and i love how he loves the m/c and just always seems to know what’s best and he’s firm but not pushy

the m/c’s development has been slow but when you look back on earlier chapters shes come so far!!!! and i love tae’s character she’s so precious and her whole storyline has been so interesting to read about and now that she’s come out IM SO EXCITED FOR MOMMY TAE IM GONNA SCREAM

bily is definitely a masterpiece and will remain one of my favorite fics i’ve ever read!

[merigoldaround]

I guess this is a little introductory post. Hi, you can call me Meri if you’d like (ao3 merigoldaround). Recently I’ve been feeling a bit of a writer’s block so of course that made me think about finally opening an account where I can talk about my writing (while trying to get over my block, life’s a bit of a mess, making writing harder, I’ve even thought can I still write or should I still write, heavy thoughts).

I don’t know how active I’ll be. Social media scares me in general, but I’m here now. Twitter is scarier so that’s why I chose tumblr (lol I’ve been on tumblr since 2011, but I didn’t want to start sharing my writing on that account). I know people have lots of thoughts about us fic writers here too and not always that positive, but I hope it all goes well.

My asks are open for now and anon option is available. I won’t be taking part in shipping discourse, other blogs are better for that. If you’d like to ask something about my stories or about my writing or something fun then go ahead. Just please remember that I’m a human too and kindness always carries a long way.

Also please be over 18 if you read my stories or interact with me.

[str82theheartpls]

Therapy is for Understanding not Healing

Some of my friends refuse to go to therapy. I’ll admit, it’s a small subset of my huuuuuge group of friends (lol) but they exist! My post- or currently in- therapy friends and I, who have been therapized, therapize each other, read Freud and Jung, and psychoanalyze other friends when they’re not in the room with analyses so in-depth so scathing you’d think we get paid for our time, can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to go to therapy. 

Up until recently, I thought it was because they were scared of introspection. Now, I think it has to do with the POINT of therapy. The why behind it. The whole reason we’re there.

Around 1890, as Freud was writing his work, Studies on Hysteria, he wrote that the end goal of therapy was to turn the patient’s “hysterical misery into uncommon happiness.” In other words, Freud just wants your brain to function at a normal level, so that you too can join in the suffering that is the human experience!😊

But today, therapists, influencers who claim to be therapists, characters in movies, tv shows, and books, and normal IRL people will have you believe that therapy is THE panacea. Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist), a clinical psychologist with 6 million Instagram followers, writes in her Instagram bio for all to see, “I teach you to heal + consciously create a new version of yourself.”

👁️👄👁️To heal AND to create a completely new version of myself?!?! Seems like a lofty goal to me. But go off I guess!

Freud in his writings, was constantly doubting his techniques, questioning the efficacy of psychoanalysis and other therapies, and even questioning himself. So he was a #humble king.

But I’ve noticed that now, through societal expectations and online culture, therapy promises prospective clients a lot. There’s a lot of talk about “healing generational trauma,” “breaking old patterns,” and “self-actualization.” (To be clear, I don’t really blame professionals and the field of Psychology and Therapy for this, I mostly blame TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter.)

But if the one and only Father of Psychology (or as I like to call him, the Daddy of Psychology) believes that therapy isn’t about fixing and is instead about understanding, then how did we get here? And is having this lofty expectation of complete and utter healing keeping people from going to therapy?

The way I understand Freud’s above quote is this: The ultimate goal of therapy is not to really improve or cure the person but to get them to make their unconscious ideas, wishes, fears, and desires conscious. If we don’t believe in unconscious/conscious thoughts, then we can say that Freud believed the ultimate goal of therapy was to help the client understand their actions, mistakes, desires, wishes, fears, etc. 

And once someone truly understands themselves, digs deep, and confronts the fears and desires that they try so hard to bury in their subconscious, then we come to another problem: they are suddenly deeply unhappy, because they’re able to now judge themselves for these things that were once hidden. 

And maybe that’s the most difficult part of therapy: uncovering beliefs and thoughts that you’ve held deep inside for so long and having to reckon with what truly makes you human. I feel like that’s what makes introspection so difficult. We really want to like ourselves, and if we know too much, we might not like ourselves!😨

So that’s one reason why my friends might be avoiding therapy. Okay fine. That’s somewhat, maybe understandable! 

BUT WHAT IF…. They’re avoiding therapy not because they’re scared of their true selves, but because they’re scared to start therapy thinking that they’ll never reach this lofty goal of self-actualization and complete healing that is promised to us TODAY but that Freud doesn’t actually believe in?

This seems closer to the truth for me. Today, we have a big emphasis on HEALING which shouldn’t be the actual goal of therapy. The goal of therapy I think is to truly understand our actions, motives, and desires so that we can then gain control of these things. 

I think capitalism and the internet have created this belief that therapy should completely heal us. Because if it doesn’t completely “heal” us why are we paying for it? Capitalism has existed for so long, but mix capitalism with social media and constant ideas and phenomena being turned into fodder for influencers, and you get the societal belief that therapy needs a PRODUCT in order for it to be worth it under capitalism. What makes therapy worth it? The complete eradication of all your problematic behaviors, urges that stem from past experiences, toxic traits, etc.

So moving forward, I hope we can use Freud’s goal of therapy rather than Instagram’s. If not for us, then let’s do it for my friends. They really need it. 😉

[lcec0ldheart]

Random OC stuff of the day #2: What if the trio was in pokémon horizons?

I’m gonna be honest, I haven’t been feeling too good over the past day and I’m hella tired. I got ideas but i dont feel like writing them djdjddj so have something i cooked on priv

Sorry for the twitter jumpscare lmao but yeah. Explorers AU. At first I was like “found family for Violet and Amethio finally has someone his age to be around🎉” i kinda want to write a fic about that lol at some point but now I’m thinking about how hellish it would be to be Spinel’s subordinate if you’re not named Frankie (great oc btw she’s a cool oc by gem-in-the-horizon), especially since he’s so young and traumatized already. I’d imagine Spinel would have a fun time breaking him.

We saw what he did to Liko, without showing any remorse, now if he had complete power over this 15 year old kid that’s working for him? I think he’d be even worse. Spinel likes messing with people because he’s curious and its entertaining. Spinel’s a smart cunning guy who doesn’t care and that’s kind of terrifying

I may draw my ocs in pokémon soonish, although Frost did originate frm a pokemon rp anyways lol

(TW: Mind manipulation, memory erasure, also generally a guy taking advantage of a kid and mentally grooming him, this was hard for me to write too)

It starts relatively mild, at first.

Comments about how he’s been failing lately, how he’s looking more tired, how he’s not been enough. It hurts, of course, but Frost’s been through it before

Then Spinel starts testing with him.

Putting him in situations to see how a kid would cope with it. Making him do things that are completely against who Frost is. Molding him into something he’s not.

Eventually, Spinel begins to use his Beeheeyem, sometimes hovering over Frost, watching his every move, altering his memories, state of mind, what he thinks about, hell even trying to change who he is, trying to make him into Spinel’s sidekick. His toy. His tool.

It starts working. It took a while to, Spinel doesn’t mind playing the long game, and it’s more entertaining for him anyways, seeing it all drawn out. It was mild, at first, just forgetting where he was before the explorers, having some difficulty recalling what he was into before them, then it became forgetting people before the explorers, and he starts forgetting about his life before he was forced under Spinel entirely. There’s some people he can vaguely remember that stick for some reason, like this kid he met when he was 5 with those bright purple eyes, but other than that, he doesn’t know. He can’t remember.

~~~

Why should I leave? There’s no where else for me to go to. The explorers have always been my home. I’m meant to serve here. I’m destined to, it’s my very purpose, i am here to serve Master Spinel.

That is what I’m good for, and so, I’ll do whatever he desires. If master wants it, I want it. I will do whatever it takes. If I die, oh well, at least I served him well. But that would make me worthless, because I’m here to be his most valuable tool, and I can’t do that if I’m broken.

I’m happy here. This is my home -this is where I am from, and this is where I’ll stay. I am his -and I always will be, because I am Master Spinel’s most valuable possesion. That is what I am. I’m Spinel’s gem -and that’s all I will be. I’m happy with this.

Right?

~~~ OUGH THAT GOT DARK JESUS CHRIST I AM SO SORRY. This is why you dont let me on tumblr past 9 pm-

Anyways uh, if you managed to not be scared off by that, hope you have a good day, i am sorry this was short ive just been tired and today was kinda sucky so. see you tomorrow I guess

[loricritterwritestoo]

Hi!!! Lori Critter (they/them) here! You might know me from some of my work on twitter (if ya know what i mean lololol) but I also write, and make art. I’ve been working on this lesbian sex worker road trip novel for over two years, fleshing out the basics of the main story and writing all the scenes I was really excited about. Let me know what you think! I will have a patreon available any day now where you can read the chapters in real time every week as I actually put the book together cohesively. I might add some poems here/add a novel and poetry tier, but my poems are pretty weird so we’ll see about that lol. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work!!! (also the novel is written from the perspective of Angelica she/her who eventually IDs as nonbinary, this excerpt doesnt explain that so I thought id add it :) )

                       I hated how scared I was. My job was to be supportive, but all I was doing was sitting in a back corner of the room staring at her worriedly. Evangeline was getting ready to see a client for a date. She had just finished painting her nails and was now blushing her cheeks with her other hand, holding a compact in the shape of a heart. I always thought of myself as someone who knew all about the “rougher” side of life and had no qualms about sex work. But all I felt was worry. Eva had done this so many times before and I wanted to think she knew what to do in every single situation. And I did trust her. But I didn’t trust the world. 

                         In this past month, we had created our own universe overflowing with new love, lust, and adventure. Yes, I was scared for her. But I also didn’t want a bunch of men butting into our world. 

                      “I’m almost ready… I’m a bit dusty” Evangeline giggled. I fucking love her giggles. The way it sounds like shes shy but you know shes anything but. I watched her walk past me and was infuriated that some truck driver or lonely dad gets to touch something so sumptuous. Could even I deserve a backside that fits blue satin granny panties so well? (“they let my pussy breath!”). 

                   Eva was putting on her strappy heels at the edge of the bed. I sat down next to her and rubbed her back, my head leaning on her shoulder. She smelled so, so good. Like sweat and summer. “God, you smell amazing. You really have to leave RIGHT now?” I smiled at her. I was trying to sound like I was teasing her. But I wanted so bad for her to change her mind.

                   “You want me to stay, don’t you?” she turned and looked at me. “I’ll be fine. I know what I am doing, and its no more dangerous than my waitressing job where my boss kept a gun loaded on his desk. If I worked at a grocery store, it could get shot up. If I was “just” a stripper, my boss could turn me into his personal concubine. I’ve seen it a million times before. And it WOULD be because shes a stripper! But thats his problem, the worlds problem. I refuse to wait for the world to catch up to, like, the truth of humanity, that we’re all the FUCKING same and no ones better than anyone else. I will work my way, and all I need from you is support. This is what I want, how I am most happy. I totally get that the whole world told you the story of the poor little dead hooker, but thats just not me. If I’m killed tonight, its still not me. And it doesn’t exist. I am NOT what my clients, you, or a shitty movie tell me I am. No one is.” 

                   I just stared at her. I felt bad. I felt confused. I flinched at every snatch and quick movement she made as she finished getting ready. Maybe she could’ve not lectured me at the drop of a hat, without me even saying anything that serious. But she was right. I was being stupid and trying to protect her in ways you can never truly protect someone. And I knew from the beginning who I was running away with. Looking at her, pissed and stomping around the room, I decided to learn, as best I can, just how exactly she needed me to love her. 

                    I looked down at the floor, where her overflowing suitcase was. I saw a pair of sheer panties with little sea creatures like octopi and seahorses on them. It wasnt a thong, but it was the kind where it was meant to ride up your ass and basically serve the same purpose. 

                   “I think you should wear this. Just don’t sell it for him to  keep under his pillow.”

[antaradimensi]

May is here again! Repeat, MAY IS HERE!

Almost one year ago since my trip to Temanggung and Semarang, phewww lot happen since those days. Still don't have any plans to do in this 27th chapter besides quality time with my family and food celebration (until I write this post) because I already reward myself with a bunch of stuff (incl new bike and Animal Crossing game) I feel more content than last year.

Somehow just crossing my thought, after I finished re-read Jakarta Sebelum Pagi novel days ago and saw post on Twitter about places mentioned on dat book I probably visit those places this year. Maybe not all in a day or two, I just want to take pics in every places and put it in my journal. I reallyyyyy love slash obessed with Jakarta Sebelum Pagi, here some good reasons why:

Emina’s thoughts mostly jump to one another thought, trying hard to focus. Emina reminds me of the younger version of me and also myself today, she has it all. My thought was bouncing more than today. I like Emina and the story behind her name. I always believe our name must be something to our lives.

JSP mentioned things similar to most of my thought about Jakarta and its people. It describes topics I care about, including ‘adulting in Jakarta for clumsy people’ LOL That’s me.

THE STORY omg Ziggy’s plot twist never disappoints me. The ‘noise’ in the narrative really blurred how it will end. Besides many coincidences and ‘impossibilities’ when we think again about the story, Ziggy still wrote it beautifully even though it says JSP is the hardest novel Ziggy wrote.

Every place mentioned in this book had its story and how it connect to people around from time to time. Also, I love to see big cities at midnight with someone I care about and talk to. Two main characters in this book did a so-called “Midnight Excursion” to visit places in mysterious letters. I love it all; midnight walk, mystery, and letter and I’ll do it often if I was a man or I was in a lower criminal rate city.

Last but not least ABEL FERGANI. He is (for now) all that I want even though they mentioned him as a ‘damaged person’ due to his past. Even it got creepy at the start (yeah stalker who’s not scared?) yet later understandable. I like a man who loves his job, knows what he wants and loves, is polite enough, is not in a rush gesture, and pays attention to little things. Abel has a phobia of sound and physical interaction due to what happened to him and his family when Aljazair’s civil war. As someone who still had needs to love someone from my kind but not comfortable enough with physical touch, Abel look perfect to me. He knows that He wants Emina, and trying hard to heal himself first until it is safe enough to stay beside Emina, later continues his healing process by staying with Emina.

[ins0mniia]

first post whooo

i don’t know how to work tumblr

like seriously, i just came here because twitter is a hot mess

elon musk (boo)

uhh i guess i introduce myself now

hi! i’m known as ins0mniia online, but you can call me nia or alinna

i’m a MINOR thank you very much

no gross stuff or i will look up how to block you <3

my favorite color is green (oh wow what a shocker)

i really like to write so you’ll probably see some cool stuff being written on here

if i could figure out how to format any of this, that is

i love genshin impact, but please don’t be rude to me because of that, it’s really just a game i play casually and find comfort in

idk if i’m supposed to put like a dni list or something but honestly don’t interact with me if you’re a person who has no respect for women, people of color, members of the LGBTQIA+ community, or basically anyone who is part of the human race. i will not tolerate any hate here.

people are gonna be like “oh no i’m so scared lol” because i’m a minor, but bffr. what do you gain hating people for just living their lives? all you do is compensate for an empty void in your heart left by the gnawing feeling that all you do is bully people online, and that’s the only thing you’ll ever succeed at. do better.

if you’re not a bad person that was not directed at youu <33

i swear i’m very agreeable, just not tolerant to stuff like that

anyway uhh

life, amirite?

idk if mutuals exist here but if you wanna be friends just hmu i’m a pretty chill person

i seriously don’t know how tumblr works

if someone does not help i will fail at this form of social media

should i put a tag here? i’ll put a tag here

slay

OH WAIT

i’m a lesbian

if anyone felt the need to know that

so yeah

i guess this is it

hooray!

alinna posts at one in the morning

i guess i’ll see you around?

drop a like and smash that subscribe button if you wanna see more sleep deprived content

(seriously someone hmu please i don’t wanna be alone in this void that is tumblr)

[sleepy-dreamers-inc]

Going to School with Ranboo!|| 📌

[i was going to answer this but i was a big dummy dum dum and accidentally deleted the ask bUT I REMEMBERED YOU DEAR ANON]

irl / in-game

Genre| fluff and (minor) angst

h e a d-c a n n o n s||

Sypnosis|

You and Ranboo go to school together, so have some scenarios and thoughts about it!!

Artist| grapeichie on twitter!!

warnings| bullying, stress, swearing

Note: you are a streamer in this!! You are also in the SMP!

optional platonic or romantic!!

- so going to school with Ranboo is both amazing and weird. You two have tons of stories of the dumb shit that happened there.

- Nobody will ever find Y/N and Ranboo far apart, even if you guys dont share classes one of you will randomly appear and at this point no one questions it

- Both of you meeting up at eachothers classroom/locker to walk together to your next destination

- Both of you helping eachother with schoolwork, Ranboo would totally tutor you in any subject you struggle with. Both of you go to his house but you two end up getting bored, so he does a Facecam stream with you in the background vibing. (It was so much fun)

- You guys are both the teacher’s favorites and least favorites. You both add so much life to the school but thats the exact problem.

- Y/N: haha look at that high waisted man he got feminine hips!!

Ranboo: NOOOO THATS THE THING HE’S SENSITIVE ABOUT

That Poor Teacher:

- I can totally imagine some kids in your school being invested in the SMP and both of you just nervously sweat in the background. Bonus points if ya’ll’s friends are into it so its just absolute panic

- You trying to help him not be awkward, especially when it comes to talking to new people. I can totally see like a new girl trying to talk to him and he just panics, so you have to step in and explain and help the poor boy out.

- You two are like,, inseparable. Like literally rarely does anyone see you guys apart. So this kinda urks some people who have crushes on him, or literally just your stereotypical bully.

- So one day while you we’re grabbing things for your next class, someone slammed against the locker next to yours, slamming yours shut in the process.

“Well well well, if it isnt the clingy one. Im surprised your not with that dork, you two practically don’t function without the other.” The guy snickered, leaning forward directly in Y/N’s face.

“And how is that any of your concern? And why does it matter?” Y/N said, standing straight up staring at the guy. “Because your fucking pathetic, thats why. Your useless without him and both of us know it.” He spat, pushing Y/N to the floor with a thud, they’re books crashing to the ground around them. Snickers could be heard from around them, as well as gasps and ‘oh-no’s’.

“Awww whatcha gonna do now, freak? You gonna go cry to that loser? Because i have a better idea. Your gonna shut up, and if not, he gets hurt.” The boy said, picking Y/N up by the collar of they’re shirt, and soon slamming them back into the lockers. All he did was laugh and walk away, muttering “pathetic, good for nothing freak.”

- You went home by yourself that day, usually Ranboo walks you home so you two can hangout, but you were nowhere to be seen. This went on for 2 weeks, and you practically avoided him at all costs, not wanting him to get hurt.

- But when he walked into school one day and saw Y/N being harassed by a group of people, he surely wasn’t the one hurt.

“Awww, cant move?” One said, twisting Y/N’s wrist even more, bruising they’re arm as they whimpered in pain. “Awww i think they’re gonna cry!!” Someone else chimmed in, one girl quickly said “better take a picture of this before the moments gone.” As she giggled, snapping a photo of you in the middle of being bullied.

“Delete it, and leave.” Ranboo said, looking down at the three who were currently tormenting you. You looked so sad yet happy, but you knew what was about to happen. “I thought i fucking told you not to tell him, guess your getting it.” The guy said, kicking your stomach and slamming you against the lockers.

You never in your wildest dreams expected Ranboo to punch someone, he was so sweet and charismatic, very passive and neutral. But now, your bully laid on the floor, a bloody nose, and Ranboo towering over him. “Dont. Touch. Them.” Ranboo snarled, leaning down and looking at the bully directly in the eyes.

- A fight soon broke out, leaving one guy with a black eye, bloody nose and a bruised arm and shoulder. Ranboo got suspended, but you left with him, not wanting to be at school and instead with him.

- While walking home he stopped, pulled off his white and black hoodie, put it on you, and soon enveloped you in a hug. Y/N return the favor, and all he said shakily was ‘i love you’

- God no one ever fucked with Y/N again everyone was scared spineless

- The entire SMP had a ‘bruh’ moment when you two told them. Of course Techno was very happy about Ranboo beating some kids up.

- But like back to happy stuff,,

- Kahoot? Idk if you guys play it in school but i do, and both you and Ranboo are such a power duo in Kahoot games

- Trading each others lunch because thats what duo’s like you two do, share with the homies

- Both of you being referees in sports because if other wise someone is going to accidentally get hurt

- You having to walk Ranboo to the nurses office after he got hit in the face with a basketball.

- The librarian does not like the fact you two cannot be quiet. You both are constantly cracking up and can never keep it down

- I know for a FACT one of you got your hands on the teacher’s computer, and i know one of you are playing memes during class while your Teacher is screeching

- All your teachers think both of you are cheating because you have synced brains and get every single answer the exact. same.

- Pulling some kind of huge end of the year prank

- Both of you speaking in zoomer language and not even your classmates have any idea what your saying

- I can see both of you accidentally writing/typing ‘pog’ into a essay/class assignment and your teacher being VERY confused

- Blasting fan-made songs about both of your guys characters and everyone liking them, and both of you are just giggling and smiling because they dont know

- Your friend group see you two doing something and they’re just like “ah shit, here we go again”

- Both of you going to school events only to ensue chaos and be idiots

- On the first day one of you getting lost and the other having to go fetch the other one

- Both of you crashing at the others house to study but it probably didnt go well

- You two are honestly just encased in your own little shared bubble, just vibing and being yourselves

- i feel like this is going on forever and most of it was just angst so I’ll go ahead and cut this off lol

a/n: TWO UPLOADS IN ONE DAY??? CALL ME GO-

Okay but in all seriousness i hope this was not total shit and actually pleasant to read. Idk i just feel like this bad

Anyways I promise I’ll get to working on pt. 2 of dad wilbur but i have some other requests i need to work on. But in the meantime simp for Ranboo and Wilbur okay bye

[asstrolo]

Astrology notes while listening to mitski

(most of these are my personal theories and a compilation of tweets from other astrologers on astro tw, please feel free to add more if you want)

✷ I noticed a lot of capricorn dominant/stellium people like astrology, spirituality and tarot, it must be cause of their sidereal Sagittarius stellium, but it’s good that they like these kinds of things since it can help the person be less uptight 

✷ Wanna know how your love life is gonna go this year? check your solar return, if you haven’t had your birthday yet, then put 2020 after your birthday instead of 2021, see if there’s any aspects in your 7H, for example, if your 7H in the Solar Return is aspecting Neptune, you might be more idealistic about your relationships in general, so be careful by not seeing something that’s not there! or aspecting Pluto, you’ll attract a lot of past lovers, you must also be careful not to fall into possessiveness or unhealthy habits in your relationships, this can count on Venus aspects too! but i personally think the 7H is more important

✷ Also, this has been brought up by another astro blog and they said if your Natal Chart 1H is in your 7H or 5H in your Solar Chart you’ll also be most likely to have romantic relationships that year or it will play an important role that year too (this post!)

✷ Most people that have Saturn in 7H tend to marry or get into really serious relationships rather young, it’s recommended for them to not get married until they have their Saturn return because they’ll probably get divorced (@iJadee on twitter talks a lot about this specifically, and i 100% believe its true, be careful!)

✷ Too much of virgo and libra in one chart can make someone incredibly giving and they get taken advantage of A LOT, they don't know how to put boundaries between being polite and being used, this is something they have to battle with for the rest of their lives because they probably have it since childhood, being the mediator of the family or the one everyone is counting on to be harmonious and happy and giving

✷ A person with plenty of 8H, specially in Venus, Mars and/or Saturn are NOT the type to have one-night stands, these people see sex as the ultimate sacrifice to let yourself be vulnerable with your partner, they probably were in very serious long relationships from a young age or are waiting until they get into a relationship, they are very connected to physical touch, that’s why they won’t give it to just anyone

✷ Also, now that we are in the 8H, this house doesn’t always necessary means sex or what they do with partners or their kinks, this house is way more than that, you’d figure people here will already know that, but not everyone knows. So I’ll tell you what this house means; death, heritage, your dark side, money and how you push yourself, transformation and what you can be scared of, this house has so many more meanings than sex

✷ Having gemini degrees (3°, 15°, 27°) in any planet, but specially MC and ASC, gives the person an innate ability to write and communicate, even if this person has hard aspects with Mercury, people are drawn to what they have to say, this makes someone really good at things related to marketing, or social media, publishing, selling things, etc (the original tweet!)

✷ Following the topic of degrees, if you have several degrees in a sign, like having them in Leo degrees, 5°, 17°, 29°, but not having any Leo in your chart, you can still feel like you relate to that sign to some extent, or having a lot of degrees in a same element (4°, 16°, 28° cancer degree, 8°, 20° scorpio degree, 12°, 24° pisces degree) gives a person more water attributes even if they don’t have water in their chart

✷ A Venus dominant person, or having Venus aspected the most on their chart makes a super artistic person, yes, they know how to create art and are good at it, but Mercury dominant people (especially with Venusian influence) are just as good, they add realism to beauty, they can make normal everyday things look poetic and inspiring, virgos get inspired by that, their routine and geminis by the people around them

✷ This also happens with Saturn dominant people, i think, personally, that capricorns have a way of connecting to their femininity or their softer, more delicate side, and this has nothing to do with gender, earth people normally have a gracious way of moving and a really soft, pretty way of interpreting art, a capricorn will make something like pain or obligations into art, talk about jobs and how money works and how everything is the same in a way that seems likeable, more dreamy

✷ Just gonna continue talking about capricorns lol, these people are very fatalist, they see complications and problems as something beautiful, most musicians that are capricorns or have this sign a lot in their chart use the pain that a situation has caused them and romanticize it, it's almost like they are happy difficult things happen in life to make them feel human

✷ libras don't get enough credit, these people are very ambitious and will do anything to succeed on whatever they want, they might even risk their own health for it

✷ Don't know what to gift your scorpio rising friend? Gift them a cat, scorpio risings have a Leo MC and, as we know, Leo and cats just go together, there is something about the connection a Leo placement and their cats have that nobody else ever will, don't be stupid, gift them a cat!

That's it's all for today folks, please don't send me your birth charts because i won't read them unless you pay me 🤠

[sour--disposition]

Pitter Patter

-

ethan payne x fem!reader

-

Request: hey lovely! i absolutely ADORE your writing and i was wondering if you could write an ethan imagine where the reader is pregnant & around 5/6 months into the pregnancy they decide to announce it to the fans (through social media or whatever). & most of the responses are good but there’s a few that are making jokes about ethan’s situation with his dad. leaving comments like ‘hopefully he doesn’t disappear like his dad did’ you know? & so the reader just comforts him and tells him to ignore it all. thank you !! <3

You sat next to Ethan on the sofa, one hand resting on your now quite prominent bump. “It’ll be fine”, Ethan reassured you, taking your free hand and resting the other on your belly, too. Ethan had just uploaded a photo to instagram and twitter, announcing your pregnancy. It was a black and white silhouette of the two of you cradling your bump captioned “Baby Behzinga is due in 3 months ❤️”.

Ethan pressed a kiss to your temple and then you turned to catch his lips in a kiss. “I love you”, you whispered into the small space between your faces. Ethan didn’t reply, simply wrapped an arm around your waist to inch you ever closer to him.

You stood up, wandering over to the kitchen to make yourself a hot drink to hopefully calm your nerves about telling his fans about your pregnancy. “What are the comments like?”, you asked, sitting back down next to Ethan. You watched as he pulled up the instagram post and went into the comments section. A smile spread across both of your faces as the comments of love, affection and support poured in.

Ethan’s thumb stopped scrolling, holding on one comment. “Let’s just hope he doesn’t leave like his dad did lol”. His eyes were glued to the comment. “Ignore it”, you told him, reaching over to close the app. “Ignore any of the comments like that”.

On twitter, a similar level of support was flooding in, as well as retweets from several of his close friends. All of the Sidemen, both Freezy and Lux, Chip, and Charlie had all retweeted the post sharing their love. Of course they all already knew, but it was still lovely to read.

There was an abundance of love and happiness directed towards you and Ethan, but it was hard for him to ignore the negative comments and doubts about him becoming a father. “Ethan…”, you trailed off, reaching over to grab his hand. “Please just ignore them”, you tried to tell him. 

Despite your efforts, Ethan stood up and walked off to the bedroom, ignoring you. By the time you’d gotten up and made your way to the bedroom, he’d changed his clothes and was sitting on the bed, pulling his running shoes on. “Ethan”, you said from the door. He ignored you once again. “Ethan”, you repeated.

He stood up and walked past you. “I’m going for a run”, he told you gruffly. You closed your eyes in frustration, sighing heavily as the door slammed behind him.

You walked back into the living room, heading towards the balcony. You sat heavily on one of the chairs out there, looking over the London skyline as you took a deep breath. You didn’t know what to do. If it were anything else, you’d ring one of the boys and ask for their advice, but you knew that not even Josh would be able to offer you helpful advice in this situation.

“Hi, Ruth”, you smiled into the phone when she finally picked up. “Are you free? I could use some advice”, you told her.

“Of course, lovely. What can I do for you?”, she replied. You could hear her smile through the phone and her jolly voice immediately soothed your nerves. You explained the situation to her and then told her Ethan’s reaction. “Oh, dear…”, she sighed.

“I don’t know what to do, Ruth”, you told her, your voice wobbly as tears sprung to your eyes. “He had this reaction in the beginning but I thought we’d worked through that. He wouldn’t even look at me”.

“Don’t worry, my love”, she reassured you. “Wait for him to blow off some steam, you know what our boy is like with his temper, he probably just didn’t want to upset you”, she advised. “Speak to him once he’s calmed down, Y/N. We both know that he loves you and this baby more than anything on the planet”, she told you.

You stayed on the phone with Ruth for another 10 or so minutes, talking about the baby and how excited you both were to meet your bundle of joy. “I’ll let you get on, Ruth”, you told her with a soft laugh. “I’ve taken up enough of your time worrying”, you joked. 

“Never, Y/N. You’ve been family since Ethan first brought you home and that’s never going to change. I’ll always be here for you”.

You busied yourself with cleaning the kitchen and tidying the living room as you waited for Ethan to come home. The door cracked open around 45 minutes after Ethan had first left, his footsteps leading him through the hallway and into the living area. “Are you ready to listen to me, yet?”, you asked him, not turning around to face him as you folded a blanket to put back onto the sofa.

“Can I shower first?”, Ethan asked you, coming up behind you to place a hand onto your hip. You turned around, nodding as you leaned forward to lay a soft kiss onto his lips.”I won’t be long”, he promised, pressing a kiss to your forehead before walking off to the bedroom.

15 minutes later, Ethan emerged from the bedroom, hair wet and dressed in shorts and a GymShark hoodie. “I’m sorry”, he said immediately, sitting next to you and pulling your propped up feet into his lap. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that. You don’t deserve that”, he whispered, looking down to his hands as they rubbed the soles of your feet.

“You and your temper”, you laughed softly, shaking your head.

“You sound like my mum”, he chuckled, looking up to you. Once you’d sent Ethan a look, his face broke out into a blush. “You rang my mum?”, he asked quietly. “Is she pissed?”, he asked.

“No”, you assured him, leaning forward as much as your bump would allow you to rest your hand on his knee. “I just needed advice”, you promised. You and Ethan both fell silent for a few seconds, until he looked back to you.

“I don’t know why I reacted like that”, Ethan said with a blush, looking slightly ashamed of himself.

“You’re scared”, you told him simply. “We went through this when we first found out I was pregnant, it makes sense that fans doubting you and making jokes brings it all back up. You know that I don’t think that though, don’t you?”, you asked him.

“Yes… and no”, he trailed off. “I know logically that you don’t doubt me, or us. But there’s part of me that’s so terrified of fucking up and ruining everything. That part of me has no idea why you’d want me to be the father of your child”.

You shuffled over to Ethan, forcing him to shift one of his legs so you could sit ever closer to him. “You’re going to be an amazing dad. You’ve been amazing these last 6 months”, you told him honestly. “You’ve not let any of this get in your way of being the best dad to your baby and they aren’t even here yet. I don’t know what your dad was like, and I’m not gonna start guessing or anything… But look me in the eyes, Ethan, and tell me you think you could leave me and our baby”.

Ethan’s eyes flicked up to yours. “I can’t”, he whispered.

“See”, you smiled, resting a hand gently on his cheek. “And neither of us know how to be a parent, babe. We’re just gonna have to learn the hard way once baby Behz arrives. We’ll make mistakes, we’re bound to. We’re human”, you said softly.

“Thank you, darling”, Ethan smiled, pulling you gently towards him so you could arrange yourself against his chest. “I love you both. So, so much”, he told you.

“We love you, too”.