#or like what parts ppl deem as fiction

[ayoyoungg]

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[ca-suffit]

Sam-reid reblogging posts from nalyra and accusing marius haters of having "surface level takes" is rich. She ignores everything about this blog (your blog which I love!) and deems to punish viewers for not being comfortable with a known pedophile rapist in a book. It's blogs like hers which make me glad to my bones that I'm not part of this fandom any longer. I get chills from the absolute hatred radiating from users like her and nalyra and oh the reciepts you posted about formerly Neilcfreak? I felt sick reading how she lashed out at that black fan who tried to explain to her about A03 and its policies. But sam-reid is a special brand of ignorance and cold indifference towards black fans and fans who have problems with certain areas of the books. She looks down on anyone who doesn't love every word of the books. If she's ok with grooming and rape more power to her; but she so arrogantly asserts that the ONLY reason someone might have problems with topics of RAPE AND GROOMING esp through a lens of pedophilia is because of surface level takes?!

Yikes. BIG YIKES. How someone can be so SURFACE LEVEL IGNORANT is frightening.

She seems to think only in fictional world terms because in the real world, rape happens frequently. Grooming happens daily. So for her to assert that the ONLY reason someone might have issues with a character is because of SURFACE LEVEL TAKES speaks volumes of what kind of human being she is.

Marius triggers victims of rape and grooming for very real reasons, as fiction tends to do, as reading tends to do. That's why we read, and that's why fiction affects us so DEEPLY. So while insensitive and callous racists like sam-reid use SURFACE LEVEL reasons to judge us, the rest of us will be over here, avoiding surface level jerks like sam-reid, on your blog as a safe place. ❤

hi and thank u for ur comment<3

Let me repost a link to the neilcfreak / gorrei / rei thing in case anyone needs to know the context, bcuz this is an important thing to know for ppl engaging with her. This just happened in 2023.

Anyway, I'm glad it feels safe here. I'm always happy to talk about this stuff or let ppl vent about it. The books *are* v triggering and most of the fandom will not talk about it, which doesn't help anyone tbh.

I'm gonna answer most of this under a cut bcuz of the topics, but let me clarify some stuff first. Anyone mentioned here is mentioned for a reason. There's been a real increase on complaints about sam-reid lately, so I hope she's rly paying attention and not just thinking everyone is saying this for no reason. Ppl get harmed when u have a big voice in the fandom and u say things like this and turn ppl against others who are more vulnerable than u, especially when it comes to real trauma issues? I'm gonna get into this more under the cut but just to clarify that this isn't some silly thing or personal bitching about someone for no reason. I don't have any thoughts about sam-reid as a person, idk them beyond posts here. But this same attitude is across all of the big fandom ppl and it trickles down to hurting everyone, which is a big reason why this account is even here.

(I posted these screenshots smaller together but they won't save like that so sry they post long like this)

I'd also like to say that monstersinthecosmos runs with the og white woman fandom bullies from before the show aired. The fact that the same usernames show up supporting each other all the time is never surprising tbh.

Anyway TW for trauma, CSA, abuse

Everyone handles trauma differently, so a lot of what I've seen from the fandom over the years is ppl who handle it like this ^^ insisting it's the only "correct" way bcuz they can't look at it any other way, yet or maybe ever. Since Marius is so tied to childhood sexual abuse, it's always made sense bcuz a) a lot of ppl read these books as kids and b) Anne Rice wrote things in a way that romanticizes abuse. If u have never looked at the characters and/or ur own abuse as an adult, then here we are. Everything is fiction, everything is fun, nothing needs to be "real." Bcuz abused kids disconnect from abuse that same way. Some ppl stay there forever.

I'm not shaming that either. U can't dictate how ppl move thru abuse and trauma. We all do what we do. Everyone who comes into the IWTV / VC stories however it happens prbly comes from trauma. It just sucks that Anne Rice inspired such a dogshit view of the world in ppl that a group that's already ripe for infighting (traumatized ppl) gets made worse bcuz she taught everyone to be loud and wrong and then louder and more wrong. Don't ever look at ur own actions, just shout ppl down!!

The reason ppl tend to dislike book ppl is bcuz nothing is ever discussed. There's this simultaneous mindset of "I'm v smart" but also "I'm never gonna talk in depth about anything." Everyone can see this but u can't ever get *them* to see it. Conversations are impossible. Then they constantly talk down on others like this to keep everything hostile. They have to be "right," so playing up as if their perspective is the only true one and acting as if criticism of Anne Rice or the books is "so mean" bcuz of misogyny or ppl lacking media literacy or "don't they know they're all monsters lol" is the only thing they know how to do.

Traumatized ppl don't like to feel stupid, ignored, and dismissed. These big voices don't come from nothing. A lot of the vampires in the books reflect real responses to trauma, both in their personalities and how they move around each other. We also reflect that. I wish ppl could learn from that more. Unfortunately, we're prbly always gonna be in two camps about it. That's why this fandom tends to remain small no matter how big anything gets. Those who want to speak more on these themes and explore abuse tend to leave, or at least leave a lot of public spaces, bcuz these ppl have set up to always take in new recruits and bully ppl in groups. They're a small number of fans tbh, in all reality, they just look bigger bcuz they work together to build that illusion. They don't individually have the strength to get attention on their own so they gather together to reference each other a lot, recommend each other to whoever (which has now extended to cast and crew as well), and get in more spaces. Then they get to feel more "important" and soothe all the childhood trauma of nobody noticing them then, but doesn't everyone notice them now? Except look at what u did to get there. They don't care tho, everyone they've stepped over is just a "hater" or w/e.

This is why it's crucial to examine these characters and then reflect on urself too and ask if maybe ur the fucking villain sometimes. The answer will surprise u!

[ammoknightsofficial]

man istg if we have to get salmonlings to get people to acknowledge salmonids as people I'm gonna throw myself into the sea/nsrs. like no offense to ppl who like the concept but 1. it makes zero sense from a lore standpoint and 2. it feels like it misses the point. salmonids are they're own fully developed culture separate from cepholings and if we have to make them more cepholing-like to get people to understand that then what was the point?

Oh, god, finally, someone who fucking gets it. Fan concepts for Salmonlings are fine, because those are largely just people having fun, but I do not think Salmonlings should ever be canonized, and I hope they never do get canonized. There's no way to pull it off in an actual game without missing a point somehow.

If we get some kind of Playable Salmonid DLC- which is something I genuinely do not think will ever happen- then the only way to do it right is to play it straight and make regular old Salmonids playable. Playable Chum, basically. The reason I don't think this will ever happen is because it's extremely, extremely unrealistic from a development standpoint. Think of the emphasis of the gear in gameplay, and the function of the weaponry. If Playable Salmonids was ever made a thing, it would absolutely have to be relegated to it's own special mode, and probably not be relevant to any other part of the game.

That's besides the point, though. It's baffling to me how some people don't seem to be able to grasp the idea of a fictional race being as sapient and deserving of mercy as the Player Character's Race. We saw it with the Octarians- people outright denied them of any humanity, and anyone who spoke of the idea of respecting them as a race was deemed an "Octo Sympathizer"- and we're seeing it again with Salmonids... Except it's a little worse now, because people can't look at Salmonids and immediately identify them as Humanoid, and therefore "like them", and consequently decide that they're animals. (Half related, can someone please take Lil Buddy away from New Agent 3?!)

[vvh0adie]

can i just say that any writing done for free on the internet is not up for professional publishing critique

my thing is: unless i go on your blog and see the content you reblog/make pertains to some nasty heinous shit

(incest/race play/pedophilia/beastiality; meaning this is who you are as a legit person and you actively promote it in positivity)

then i go check your masterlist and its sewn into the fabric of your fics, imma side eye you, report, and block.

but lets be honest i would hope ppl just report/block during the first scroll cuz i don’t know why we’d want those type of people on tumblr anyway. tho we’re not here to discuss that further and definitely not another time. if you know you’re into the shit i listed above FOR REAL, get the fuck off my blog and play in traffic.

but if someone writes something you don’t like or if you think their writing isn’t up to gramatical/literary standard, don’t get in the fucking comments or asks to tell us that. we do this shit for fun. this isn’t fucking goodreads.

ALSO DONT REBLOG FICS YOU DIDNT ENJOY AND RATE THEM AND LEAVE BAD REVIEWS IN THE FUCKING POST. WE CAN SEE THAT SHIT!!! THIS GOES FOR TUMBLR, AO3, AND ANYWHERE ELSE THAT HOST NON-PROFIT FICTION WORKS.

(and no kofi and patreon don’t count as profit, if an author explicitly tells you that you will have access to their wips and early access to fanfiction that will eventually go onto tumblr or ao3. you already knew to expect some hobbyists writing. and you need to know from reading the already free content on their blog, that you like their writing well enough to invest in it. it doesn’t make sense to pay for something you KNEW you already hated. if it just so happens that you’re author sets a standard above what you consider fanfiction writing and it feels more professional, then lucky you…… it’s still not up for critique. that’s just means someone took their craft “serious enough”)

i also see you bitches who put ACTUAL FICS INTO GOODREADS! HAVE YOU LOST YO DAMN MIND CUZ LEMME HELP YOU FIND IT QUICKER THAN MOSES PARTED THE SEA!

when people come to your fic recs, they are most likely not looking for bad fics AT ALL, they’re hoping you’ve done your due diligence in curating a collection of fics you deem amazing so they DONT have to sift thru “bad” fics. you making more work for yourself and other readers.

but some of y’all love to be negative and get wet from twiddling your thumbs on this keyboard to spew unnecessary or productive “criticism”. unless we asks or have a link to a feedback box/google forms, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

social platforms besides goodreads are not here to help reader experience. goodreads is the place to leave reviews for BOOK YOU EITHER PAYED FOR OR THE AUTHOR HAS PROFESSIONALLY PUBLISHED FOR WIDER CONSUMPTION.

i love goodreads too and criticism of books I FIND AT BARNES AND NOBLES😁… because i’m able to avoid things like bad grammar, bad literary skills, poc and queer trauma porn, and other shit i don’t wanna be exposed to.

what i do think is valid, is asking a fic writer to tag properly. i’ve read shit and been blindsided cuz “dead dove” tags weren’t added. i’ve even asked and they’ve made it a point to belittle me. i thought it was a good fic in terms of plot but i wanted to be able to blacklist those words for if they wrote more content. but they completely turned me off due to how they responded so i just never wanted to read more of their work.

i didn’t harass them because frankly it had content i didn’t like (not anything that would make me question their overall morality, unless you count the not tagging, but that’s a bit much). instead i just blocked them and moved on.

there have been times where the grammar in a fic was really bad, the formatting of a fic had huge gaps that made reading difficult, or they didn’t put a cut on their fic. i didn’t contact them, i just blocked them.

so for the love of baby jesus, just block. only when you feel that something DETRIMENTAL is being posted like WHITE SUPREMACIST MANIFESTO or SOCIALLY TABOO type shit is being PROMOTED (they need to actually believe in this shit) in someone’s writing and has built a following of like-minded people, then really the troops so we can deal with it.

but bad grammar or that yandere fics with non-con in is not something to be harassing people over.

(some folks writing language is not their first so they’re learning thru writing or they’re a native speaker who still messes up/has a disability and just because some likes to write/read dark fics doesn’t mean they advocate such acts. plus while it may not be the healthiest, it’s some people’s coping mechanisms and i can’t blame them cuz a good therapist is hard to find and even harder to pay for —at least in the US)

so go read shit you actually like. and if you just so feeeeel it in yo spirit to rate some fics and leave bad reviews download Calibre Library and have at it. it is only seen by you and on your computer. so make that your lil hate diary or whateva🙄

anyway duces. i just had to say a lil sumn cuz i saw one of y’all attacking the homies. i love my moots and i miss the ones that left becuz of the bullshit💜💜💜

also if anyone thinks i left something out or wants to correct something feel free to tag me or reblog💖

[lostacelonnie]

Thats a bit of a mood but the thing keepin me busy mostly is work. Mihoyo is so good at making cool characters like xinyan, yun jin, etc & then just. Neglecting them. Gotra adopt these neglected kids i swear. Noelle's hangout sure does have some uh. Hella gay endings if i say so myself. Im nothin if not a simp for pretty women. Especially ones deemed annoying or those who commit wrongs so ill take her and focalors. Ayato & hu tao are some of my favorites in terms of playstyle. But im also a big hu tao enjoyer so im biased there. Getting lost is part of the charm indeed but i am an explorer type in games and irl so. Oh? I would love to see some pictures if you go i love seeing new places. That is exactly what happened to me with genshin a friend got me to play it & now here i am. Im convinced artifacts just hate everyone by this point tbh. Your disco elysium posting is making me wanna download it again & give it a proper finish when i am playing so many games already. Ill probably do it anyways though because i have little self control

fair. and right?????? i collect them and put them in my pocket. underused character fan club. FRFR WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT???? happy not-yet-pride-month to noelle and noelle only. and same as the wise song once said i love women i love women ladies ladies gentle nonmen not men not men. fr the more problematic a fictional woman is the more likely i am to defend her online. the last time i played with hu tao was before my great genshin break so that was like, over 1 year ago? so to be completely honest i dont remember her playstyle very well. but from what i can remember i think i enjoyed it. im a bit of an explorer type in games [not so much irl since i dont have time or ppl do do it with, but id love to in the future] so the desert has been great!!! im defo gonna keep u updated on my travels. actually going to norway in about a week so i can show u some pics from there when i get back :DD and i actually had that with honkai, my best friend got me into it and now. yeah. fr like. its like the MOMENT i start grinding a new artifact set i get the stats i needed for the last one but are garbage rn. and akdgkjghjkk fair, ik the feeling of wanting to check out other stuff while balancing so many current interests. my elysium playing has actually made me temporarily forsake genshin bc of how caught up i get in it. and good luck with that 👍

[hoe4rairai]

I wonder how far Raian will evolve ( character wise ) when he's gets to his 30s ?

I think he will be slightly calmer, more strategic and less of a douchebag.

His friendship with Ohma will get stronger and probably they will share some adventures together.

He will be highly respected and probably will be very selective with his missions by the time he is in his 30s .

He will be rich, he will have a nice car maybe a black McLaren 720S, he will have a nice bike too maybe a Honda fireblade with customised kit and a helmet only done for him.

He will move out from the kure mansion and live alone in a simple yet modern minimalist black interior apartment around the suburb of the Kure Village, where its very quiet, less people and more greenery.

Surprisingly, he'll grow to love nature and long walks at night and hiking.

He probably will talk less but will still have his maniac grin makes an appearance once in a while.

He is less feral but more direct and intense.

He will still cuss a lot, this though will never change.

Raian, will be a that man that will walk around and his aura will be intensified 10 foldes.

He will be way much stronger and bulkier than when he was in his 20s, he will still have the same hair style.

He might end up wearing optical glasses though ( awwwwww he might actually look cute with them )

He will still be singel and he's happy that way.

His fashion sense will still be similar. I don't understand why ppl think he has bad taste , he actually doesn't 😕 ..

And again, why ppl imagine him smell like stinky shit, i think he smells clean. I see him wear soft, subtle but masculine scent something like Acqua Di Georgio Armani ...

Raian will have only one part time lover, nothing serious just sex and even though he doesn't have feelings for her he isn't and probably never was the type to go for whomever, the man has standards HE IS A WELL ESTABLISHED KURE AFTER ALL ...

Sex to him is never that important nor a priority but when he feels like it, he calls her for the night to spend at his house. He knew her for a long while now and he somehow trusts her. She knows how demanding he can be so she drops everything for him. She's not a kure, just a girl he met at a bar in Tokyo.

He will never be a gentleman but rather he becomes just JUST a little sensible and reasonable when it comes to human interactions but only those he deem worth what he CLAIMS to be his kind side ... !!

He will still fight like a monster and kill with no remorse, even more as he goes into his 30s. That's his prime age and that's when he will demand and the world should and will fall at his feet with no IFs or BUTs

Ohh I forgot RAIAN is a fiction 😄😁😆😅

[otonymous]

hiii, first off i love your works 🥺💕 they’re so good and that angst 😪👌 gorgeous. sooo, i myself am also a fanfic writer and tbh that’s what i’ve always specialized in when i first started writing. that’s why when i say this, it honestly hurts me a bit... but i feel like i’m gonna outgrow writing fanfics. what makes me feel sad is that, i don’t actually want to outgrow it. i just feel like at my age i shouldn’t be writing it or smth along those lines. like whenever ppl ask me my hobbies my immediate thought is always writing. then they proceed to ask what genre and i always feel kind of scared to say fanfic since i feel like i’m kinda getting old for that... i still love reading it ofc, tbh it’s better than a lot of actual books i’ve read. but i just feel that if i say it out loud people will judge me. (that last one is more of a self confidence issue but yeah 😞) seeing you and other fanfic writers rlly inspire to continue doing it but i’m not rlly sure anymore ig. i still love writing it, i do. but ig i’m just scared to tell others? i’m not sure... but what would you do 👉👈😞

Hello dear Nonny!

Thank you very much for your kind words!  I really appreciate all your support! 💖

Furthermore, thank you for sending me this very important Ask.  I honestly think it’s something that a number of fanfic writers may come across at some point or another.  Let’s examine this question from a few different perspectives.

1) Many famous authors write fanfiction

Just for the record, there are a slew of published authors who have written fanfiction at some point in time.  

Naomi Novik, for instance — founder of the Organization for Transformative Works (from which the Archive Of Our Own is derived!) and author of Uprooted— wrote fanfiction.  So did Andy Weir, author of The Martian.  He wrote fanfics based off of Ernest Cline’s awesome Ready Player One.

(Check out this article by Catherine Kovach on Bustle.com for more!)

So as a fanfiction writer, you’re in good company.  It doesn’t make you any less a student of the craft than someone who dabbles solely in original work.

2) Everyone doesn’t need to know everything

That being said, I still feel you, dear Nonny.  You may be at a party, meeting new people, and the question inevitably comes up: “So, what do you do for fun?”

And while there is no way of knowing beforehand who would be absolutely thrilled to have a fanfiction writer in their midst (for the record, I know I would’ve been even if I didn’t write them myself), there is also a chance that some people may not understand it.  And that’s perfectly fine too.  If you think about it, belonging to a fandom is a very special thing.  You, along with massive numbers of others (depending on how big your fandom is), have some sort of common ground which serves as a source of joy, fun and excitement.  It allows you to connect with people from all walks of life, all over the globe.  I know my life is enriched by the fandoms of which I’m a part of.  It’s honestly a wonderful thing.

But to the uninitiated, the concept may seem a bit alien.  They might not get it.  And if you’re concerned about what they might think to learn about your beloved hobby for any reason, then I would be inclined to say that they don’t need to know everything.

So if I were to find myself in a situation where I was uncomfortable with full disclosure, I would just simply state that I write fiction.  Romance, fantasy, adventure, horror, comedy, sci-fi, etc., all of these genres are found in the wonderful fanfics I’ve read.  If someone were interested in finding out more about what you write, try describing it in those terms.  

3) You never outgrow the things you love

Based on your Ask, dear Nonny,  I get the sense that you feel like some things have an “expiry date,” that once you reach a certain age, you should’ve moved beyond things you loved and enjoyed in the past, such as fanfiction.

There are some people who are old and grey and still live their lives to its fullest, smiling with a twinkle in their eye that makes them seem much younger than their years.  And then on the flip side, there are people who seem much older than they really are, perhaps by the way they carry themselves.  My point here is that age really is nothing but a number, and (biology aside) you are as old as you choose to feel.  No one has the right to dictate what is deemed acceptable behaviour for another person of a certain age, as long as what they’re doing isn’t hurting themselves or others.  

I’m aware that societal pressures exist, that we may feel like we have to conform to what others expect of us — family, friends, etc.  But we also have to remember that at the end of the day, this life is ours to live.  And it would be a very sad life indeed if we lived it solely according to the standards of those around us, allowing ourselves to be stripped of the things we hold near and dear, such as hobbies we thought we should’ve outgrown.

There are times when I like to engage in a thought experiment that goes something like this:

If this were my very last day on earth, what would I most want to do?  What kind of life would I have liked to have led?  What do I want to be remembered for?

Time is precious.  We can’t afford to waste it on caring about what others think of us.  Chase what makes you happy, my dear.  No one has the responsibility of living your life but yourself.  And it is you that you only need answer to.

I hope this helps you in some way, shape or form, dearest Nonny.  I wish you the best of luck in your writing journey. 💖

- XOXO, Otonymous

[ridasverkisto]

So something I’ve been feeling more and more recently is the fact that I interact with certain parts of fandom culture differently from allo folks.

Like—shipping. Aside from some few squicks (incest, adult/minor ships, that sort of thing) I’m not usually bothered by whether or not a relationship is platonic or romantic. And something that got slapped in my face recently is that people tend to envision romantic ships as somehow “deeper” or more meaningful than platonic ships, which I sort of knew before, but not to this extent?

Like, I literally had to have a discussion with a friend over how I see certain ships in one of our shared fandoms, and he and another friend started talking about—“well they’re so close—“ “I see them as brothers, y’know?”

And I’m over here going “uh. Guys. I never said familial platonic. I just don’t see them as romantic, even if they do have a brother vibe sometimes.”

Or the times I’ve had to explain that “&” as a relationship tag is so very....inadequate. I mean, yeah, we have a platonic tag!! But also, compare it to “/“. You see “/“ and you immediately know it’s romantic and/or sexual; but you see “&”, and the author has to clarify what kind of platonic relationship it is. Is it familial? Close friends? Qpr? Mentor-student? It just...feels inadequate to me, but I’m the only one that feels that way it seems like.

Or—simping. Finding characters hot. Like—I genuinely cannot understand people who look at characters and go “ah yes, if they were real I’d absolutely tap that.” Like???? I know they can feel complex and real and grow and it’s amazing—I love character growth and dynamics, but so many people seem to find their favorite characters based off of how sexy they find them, or how bad of a crush they have on them! And I just don’t get it!!! Fictional crushes?? How do allos even function??

It’s even worse when I’m like, reading a fic that’s got really good dynamics and writing (rich characters, lovely prose, the works), and then they drop a sex scene in as a “treat” or some sort of weird “gift,” and people go nuts in the comments for it. Sex scenes are almost always superfluous, because you can write them out so damn easily.

And don’t get me started on the weird rules people impose on themselves regarding shipping being only A/B or something. Why does a ship have to be only two people so often? Why does a romantic relationship (in fiction or IRL, but ppl project so much) have to be the most important part of a characters life? The most important relationship they have????

And why does every character have to be shipped with someone? People are allowed to be single!! Not even just characters headcanoned as ace or aro (which is a whole other discussion, bc why does everyone assume an ace and/or aro character will be forever alone???), but anyone can just be single and happy that way!!!

Idk, maybe it’s just me being the outsider here, surrounded by a culture I only understand from the other side of a glass wall. Sometimes all of this stuff just makes me feel like I’m stuck on the other side of an invisible wall, or some kind of cuckoo alien imposter of a human being.

I’ve kind of lost the point here, but I guess it’s just a sort of screaming into the void about how isolating a lot of this feels, because so few people actually really get it without me having to explain my perspective on any of it. I appreciate my friends, and they try, but like—it’s still isolating when you’re constantly surrounded by a world that looks at your relationships and how you interact with the world and deems it somehow lesser or wanting.

And try though some might, that shows in fandom too. It shows in people using platonic tags for romantic relationships, or how there are so strikingly few fics that feature explicitly queer-platonic relationships in any way compared to the vast library of romantic ship fics.

I’m a rickety lifeboat, constantly surrounded by cruise ships on an ocean with no land in sight. Alone in the crowd, tiny against the vast shapes and so, so easily ignored. Trapped behind an invisible wall, tapping on the glass to be heard.

Most of the time, I can ignore it. Sometimes—all I can feel is hopelessly alone and out of place, never really able to understand or relate to what everyone else says is “normal.”

Is it so wrong that I wish I knew people—close friends, people I could talk to IRL, laugh with, form a rapport with—that actually understand how I feel, rather than try to meet me halfway over the gulf of mutual incomprehension?

I don’t think so, but maybe I’m wrong.

[gemini-system]

If you're a friend or a mutual that cares, please read if you like. Sorry it's a novel long..

TLDR: I have a split personality disorder. Please accept me for who I am. (Though I would really appreciate you reading this)

There's a lot about my battle with mental health that I never told a single soul, despite being an open book pretty much all of the time. There were things even I never told anyone about, or maybe only hinted at, because I either had no name for them and could not explain that, or just plain fear not a single person would believe me, or think that I just wanted attention.

A couple months ago, I met my current boyfriend, and upon opening up cautiously for the second time about these issues, was finally given a name for them, and what I could do to make life easier living with them, and it changed everything. I was originally gonna just drop an explanation in my friends group chat since I haven't talked to them in a long time and wanted to give a life update, but dropping it all just felt like kind of a lot and I still have the anxiety that they won't believe me. So I'm talking here instead (I'll probably link this to them) But I just have to let it all out, and this is my only non-streaming centric account that is not linked back to on any of my videos, so I feel like I can dump it here.

To brass tax:

Starting at the end of middle school, I started developing symptoms of a sister illness to DID (multiple personality disorder). This sister illness is little known about and while it doesn't have a concrete name, some call it Division. Division is when, due to trauma, a set of bottled up emotions, ideas, and anxieties form into a split personality with it's own identity and can manifest in various ways, pretty similar to DID. The thing is with these illnesses, since everyone who has them experiences them differently in their own way, it's hard to know EXACT symptoms. And that, coupled with the fact all my google searches bring up nothing about it, is why I have always feared no one will believe me.

"Why Division? Why not just say you have DID?" I was told, in order to have DID, there must be two separate and distinct personalities from the host. And so I would not qualify because I have only one separate personality. If I am wrong about this, I have no issue with you sending me a polite ask about it, as it would be a lot easier to just say "I have DID" and tell ppl to do their own google search lol.

Fair enough, so why do I have all this anxiety my loved ones won't believe me?

Here is the part where it might get a little cringey to some, but I am an artist and writer, and all my life, art has been the way I express all my feelings and vent things without having to state them outright.

I had always feared being a bad person. From the trauma of the CSA I endured for 2 years, from gaslighting, to my father verbally abusing and threatening me and my mother with physical violence from a young age, I feared being a bad person more than anything else.

Every time I got angry, or talked back, or even just tried to stand up for myself, I feared I was or would become a bad person, and I thought to myself that I just needed to take all of those things I deemed bad, and put them into something or someone else so that I would no longer fear being a bad person. This other thing could be bad so I wouldn't have to "risk hurting people I loved" I had no idea what 'splitting' was or that I was even doing it. And that personality began to form.

As I began to draw more often, my symptoms surfaced simultaneously. "Hearing" thoughts in my head that weren't mine (not really hearing but it's hard to explain), horrible intrusive visions and thoughts, and then finally a little ways down the line swapping with eachother time to time, and another occurrence I call "snapping" where I swap suddenly out of anger or distress and lash out at others or have some kind of meltdown. I learned how to fight and control the swapping, I tried with all my might to make sure no one ever found out I was "crazy". Even my therapists. As for snapping, I couldn't control it, so he mostly came out that way.

I needed to vent through art somehow or I was going to explode. He had named himself, and told me what he looked like, and so I basically started a game of 4D fucking chess and told everyone "this is my new OC haha" and started from there, deciding to take a fan comic I was making, and rework it to put him at the center and make it original. I figured toting him as just a character I created that was important to me was easier than trying to explain or possibly have to prove to people that I had a split personality who was very real, with his own identity. I thought maybe I cold vent without people thinking I was crazy or some kind of special snowflake. 

Looking back it's kind of funny because a lot of my venting was pretty on the nose with hints all over, so I'm surprised if at least one person didn't pick up on it lol. At one time during a breakdown, I even tried to explain that "Jet is mean and starting to scare me" and then realized my friends confusion as they reassured me he was a fictional character I made up. Which totally wasn't their fault because I totally dug that hole myself. I just felt a compulsive need to hide everything I was really going through.

For those who know about the character Jet, you may be a bit concerned because he is written to be a serial killer, but from years of writing development, Let me tell you, he is very overwritten and the Jet from the story is pretty different now from the "real" Jet in my head. If he wanted to actually end someone he would have done it by now and landed my ass in prison. He's mostly just a bully and goblin.

This post is already years long, so I won't bore you with our life story, especially if you think I'm making it all up. So here's my conclusion.

I hope you believe me, and accept me for who I am. This is the full and honest truth, and is a huge part of me that I just don't want to hide anymore. I want to be able to talk about my experience without sugar coating and leaving out information. I like being an open book, and this secret has been killing me. It took a lot of courage to type this all out to the world. I wouldn't mind telling you about our life together, what he's really like, and all the things I've learned from this strange, stressful, and sometimes wonderful journey.

If you don't believe me, that's fine. You can call me a liar, or say I'm delusional, or leave me. I'll never talk about it to you again, and I can just keep hiding it around you. I truly hope you realize that this is my truth.

Thank you for your time.

[hooned]

no but listen to me lISTEN,,, the endless capacity for love this boy has, despite all the wrongs he suffered through since childhood, and he still has the brightest smile, and he still wants to help ppl and protect and care for his loved ones and Wei Ying is THE SUN *screams into eternity* and you know the quote "the saddest people smile the brightest"? I feel it both describes wwx but also is too limiting because this boy is stronger than his sadness and pain he CHOSES the light *cries*

hello, dianaaa!! 💙 ok listen. i am all up for discussions about wei wuxian and how he's literally the best character of all time in all of fiction but i won't promise there won't be any crying on my part because anything that reminds me of wuxian? and the pain and suffering he went through? makes me cry an entire ocean. like. i once talked about this with my brother? and i CRIED. DEADASS. ok so here we go.

what really pains me about the life wwx lived (i just finished till ep. 33 so i have no idea what happened after he resurrected) is that he kept on building a family of his own. he lost his real family and became an orphan at a very young age, eating off of scrapes and barely surviving THEN he found himself a home in lotus pier. with a brother who's never the best in expressing himself but always always means well, and a sister who's cradled him with love and warmth from the very first moment. he found a home who accepted him and loved him so abundantly he never felt left out. it wasn't his biological family but not once did it feel like it wasn't real. AND THEN in a blink of an eye? he lost it. again. the family he grew up in, who accepted him as no less than their own, massacred and killed mercilessly. for so long, he pondered if there was a place in this world whom he might belong in after that AND THEN!! he meets the victims in the wen clan. he empathized with them and just knew in his heart, that he can't turn a blind eye. and so he turns his back against everything the society deems righteous and decides to build a new home with these people, much like him. AND THE THING IS. HE DID MANAGE TO BUILD A HOME WITH THEM. an unexpectedly found family where they plant radishes and not potatoes, with an older sister who supports him and a loyal ghost brother who'll literally dive into death the second time for him. it's broken, it's not perfect, but it was family. and wwx is happy. BUT THEN!! THEY DECIDE!! TO TAKE THEM ALL AWAY FROM HIM!! AGAIN!!

god, he tried so damn hard to pick himself up every time he falls and the world burned him for it. leaving him with nothing. literally nothing. at least that's what he thought in that final moments he had on that cliff. and man. ugh. the amount of pain he went through for him to change from being the happy, playful, teenager in cloud recesses to the hopeless and broken yiling laozu standing on that cliff and letting himself fall — god. HE DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT!!! he just wanted to have a family he can call his own for christ's sake. he's not asking for much. and yet the whole world decides to paint him in the darkest light and took everything he holds dear away from him. EVERYTHING.

if i were him, i'd go insane. he deserves so damn much. 🥺

[andysnorwayaffairs]

Final Project

Pt 1; a perfect ending. feeling a rush of shared excitement - finally! just like me!

warmth, embraced, a queer kind of friendship. we sat in the grass and talked about how our lives were growing up, how our queerness was realized and how it affected the way we walk in the world. our stories are so similar yet so, so different. miles and miles of time away, you announce to your friends that you’re probably maybe gay. you start a spark in their minds, and soon after you’re deemed the trail blazer of coming out. you are brave, do you know it? you were the person who i wished for. so desperate for approval from others, and not meeting anyone like you, i took it upon myself to starve my queerness, the differentness, the part of me that i knew i could definitely be hated for. and i can’t stand the thought of being hated. and a part of me hated myself for who i was. i was taught that i couldn’t love like that, that it wasn’t *real*, that anything other than normal is impossible, wrong, destructive. so i listened, and i believed them. not completely, that is also true. that’s why i never stopped immersing myself in online queer culture, why i desperately searched for any sign of queerness in the online personas i followed and in the fiction that i read. we talked about this too, how we’d entrench ourselves in media and later realize that we were part of the group we were so obsessed with. finally... just like me

you opened your heart so quickly - your friends, they tell me that they’re so happy that you’ve met me. you open a window into your life and lend a hand to help me hop in. i see how you love others, and how they love you. we run through the lawn of a backyard riddled with ripe fruit and laugh like children at how sweet the juice is. we share a meal and spend hours talking about nothing and everything. i sometimes stop and listen to the chatter, and i feel complete warmth even when i cannot understand what is being said. we read the cards i brought and i learn how each of you sees love. i see the way you interact with your loved ones, the way you so deeply care to spend time with them. letting go, giggling in giddy joy, acting like absolute fools. finally, just like me

cried a farewell last night

thank you for offering me a bizarre, unfair amount of kindness

thank you for showing me a glimpse of your life, your entire world

thank you for extending a hand in friendship, in solidarity

thank you for being my friend

I feel like my time here, my glimpse into another person’s life, feels like a glimpse into an alternate timeline. A timeline in which I accepted myself from the beginning. A timeline in which I told a friend about my crush on Jen from Buzzfeed. A timeline when I refused to normalize myself, refused to uphold the boundaries that were unfairly placed on me. A timeline when I was brave. A timeline when I stopped being so damn scared. A timeline when I realized that my friends would still stay friends with me, and those who didn’t want to, I should let go of anyways. There will always be people who don’t match up with your values, your energies, your being. I won’t lie to myself and say that it wouldn’t hurt like a bitch, but it’s a hard fact of life that homophobes, transphobes, racists, xenophobes, ie bigots exist and there will be always be bullies and people who don’t care about you, who WANT to put you down, who want to hurt you. In a world of power, there will be those with some and those without. I was given a small window into my friend’s life and saw a life pathway built around friendships who learn and grow right alongside you. I’ve always thought about that – what if? What if I let go earlier? In my timeline, the forces around me were not as kind to me. I was told queerness was ugly, so utterly upside down. I didn’t have anyone to tell me otherwise. Perhaps if I had a positive role model to tell me that it WAS okay, that it was beautiful and wonderful. Perhaps if I had a friend like them in my life who was the first to come out and encouraged others by simply living their life the way THEY want to, perhaps I would have had the courage to do so earlier. I can’t change the past.

But I can think about how the events of my past shaped my present, and how my present shapes my future. Thank God - I DID let go! There’s no race to live your truth, but oh god it feels so good to do it NOW. I’m so thankful that I found the bravery these people I know now have embraced so many years ago. I feel like my own person, like an entire human soul. I don’t feel the need to please anyone. This queer experience, of finding yourself and maybe even fearing yourself, but, ultimately, coming to love yourself despite dominant society failing you, that is a queer experience. Regardless of any experience, something we all share is having to live in a world that ultimately does not accept us, does not want us.

An ode to knowing that although things are different here, and that there’s no possible way that I could have had a similar timeline just simply because of how different our spheres and worlds are... despite this, despite the fear and self hate and internal violence I was forced into because of the life I was born into, despite all of this, I was still able to find myself and love myself and find others who love me for my whole humanness.

There’s a lot of work to be done in the world, for our lives and our safety and our happiness. I think the friends I’ve met here are doing that work. Through their love for each other and thus their refusal to conform, to stay quiet, to accept the norms in place.

Meeting this special friend may have been completely chance, but I believe fate had a little bit to do with it too. To give me this window, to let me see what beauty it is to allow a person to be themselves. The sooner, the better.

____ DISCUSSION

Pt 3:

It’s funny to see how these ppl’s reflections of their lives fit in line with exactly what we discussed through our readings and class discussions. Norway may be progressive in law, but not necessarily in practice. Each of the queer people I asked this about, or asked them to speak about their queer experience, expressed frustration at there not being much of a strong queer community here, and how they still experienced everyday oppression (you may call these micro aggressions).

Nordic model of inclusion + welfare, making this a space where it is looked down upon to discriminate for someone’s sexuality

A different relationship to Christianity

In the U.S., I grew up in a heavily queerphobic, heavily strict and monitored environment where I was even monitoring myself, reprimanding myself for all of the gay content I was consuming but allowing myself to keep doing it because I was “outside” of the community and thus could not be associated with it or have to think of the consequences.

In middle school I was fully aware that I had strong crushes on gay female celebrities but was petrified of sharing that information with anyone.

I shut myself down immediately, but continued to consume gay, lgbt, and trans media for years and years after, allowing myself to do this because I could convince myself that I was just “a straight girl” who was a big fan of the community.

After coming to college and experiencing true freedom from the expectations and values placed on me, it took me less than three days to come to the realization that I was in fact, extremely not straight. It took me 6 more months to fully feel comfortable admitting to myself and claiming the label that I was gay. It took me another year to “come out” to all of my friends and folx I really cared about.

-talk about how this is a divide between my experience and the experiences of the friends I made here. L & their friends came out when they were extremely young, in middle school actually. Our timelines diverge here.

Only recently, I began to make friends on the shared experience of our queerness. Meeting my close friends now, sharing intimate + tender moments. Loving each other and supporting one another the way family might do. A queer kind of love shared in these emotional bonds. A kind of love I had not experienced before my full acceptance and life as a queer person. Tender, radical love.

Meeting L, sharing on our experience of being queer and trans. And not to say that their life in Norway is so much better. The Nordic model may allow for some general acceptance, but queerphobia still has its roots in other malicious ways. Many of L’s friends still don’t use their pronouns. A is called the slur version of the word lesbian, and she recognizes that being a lesbian is not favorable to society. She wants to be a prof of gender studies at her uni but told me that since there is already one queer person on staff, she’ll never be hired on.

M telling me about how even tho queer ppl are accepted on the outside, and in the law, in practice, not so much.

-A telling me that people hate lesbians

-in Norwegian, the word for lesbian is also really similar to the slur, “fucking lesbian”

CONNECTION TO THE FIRST ARTICLE WE READ

Norway’s state feminism and inclusion of queerness is heteronormative, only assimilating those that fit into the family, hetero model (thinking to naked sculpture park, extremely family oriented)

Same sex has to still be straight – family, private, culturally straight.

[parsleybabe]

The Unpopular Opinion Book Questionaire

Before I start, credit where credit is due: I copied the questions and format of this post from @resist-the-fear’s post and this wordpress post, because I couldn’t figure out how to add my answers into the original post without messing up all formatting. And I’m really sorry if this upsets anybody, but the idea is cool and it’d be a shame not to continue it on tumblr.

So, here we go...

1. A Popular Book or series that you didn’t like.

1) Feels like the Twilight Saga would be the obvious answer (and it IS), but I’m gonna go for pretty much all of Dan Bown’s novels and I’m gonna explain my dislike with The DaVinci Code

This novel actually angered me so much that I wrote my master’s thesis on how Brown deliberately mislead the majority of his readers into mistaking his fiction for actual facts in order to sell more books.

The gist is, any and all art historic descriptions and information given within the book are fully fictional. That includes a page of “facts” (labeled as such) preceding the novel itself (which doesn’t contain any actual facts at all) and a note underneath stating that all descriptions of paitings were accurate. Spoiler alert: They’re not. I majored art history in school and did a lot of research, but, honestly, anybody who’s interested in art history and knows the very very basics about the renaissance and other time periods can easily disprove all of the novel’s supposedly accurate art descriptions.

And, to be truthful, I have to admit that Brown is really fucking good at fiction. He’s also really good at writing his fiction around and over existing art historic knowledge and twisting it without making it too obvious for careless readers. That’s kinda cool. And I get that disguising fiction as fact isn’t a new trend. I mean... Defoe did when he falsely claimed that Robinson Cruseo was a factual report of a true event, because the readership of his time period wasn’t familiar with adventure fiction. But what really annoyed me was 1) how many readers actually believed Brown to have uncovered some genuine conspiracy and 2) that Brown kept feeding into the delusion of those fans again and again through comments in interviews and webpages, even though he fully knew it’s all fiction, because he himself made it up.

  2) And then there’s the Wanderhure series, written by a German writing couple under the pseudonym Iny Lorentz. I’m not sure if this has been translated into English, but it’s been highly popular in Germany and several other countries (won some awards and was made into a series of TV movies and whatnot). It is, quite honestly THE WORST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

The first novel was recommended to me by relatives because parts of it take place in a city that I have lived in for quite some time, and it’s a historical fiction based on a medieval poem. The premiss of the novel is great: during the middle ages, a young and respected girl gets accused to have sinned by some townspeople and nobody believes her to be innocent, as she is just a girl. She gets cast out of her city and home, left with no other choice than to become a traveling whore if she wants to survive. She ends up becoming quite successful in her profession (in the sense that she has many high ranking clients from both church and state who pay her with lots of money and other favors) and returns to the city that cast her out long ago to have a huge effect on politics and religion.

The story was quite intriguing to me, both due to the interesting plotline as well as the reference to the city I live in. HOWEVER, it is horribly written. All characters, especially the protagonist, are unbelievably flat. There is no character development whatsoever, even though the story offers plenty of chances to find it. I read through the book because of the locations... houses that actually still exist, that I have been in, Gateways that i’ve walked through, roads that I’ve travelled on. Those are very well described. It’s easy to figure out each and every step the characters take on a map and that’s really cool. But the plotline was destroyed by less than mediocre characterization and simple, unimpressive language. Every time a character is supposed to feel something, the sentence literally goes, “She felt xyz” - and that’s as descriptive as it gets. There’s no atmosphere created and not an ounce of fluidity in the sentence structure. The whole narration is as dry as brick and the story reads like a two dimensional still drawing of a 3D rollercoaster ride.

2. A Popular Book or series that every one else seems to hate but you love.

I honestly don’t think that there’s any book series that EVERYBODY hates. And I do think that all the books I love, are actually pretty popular. Buuuuut...

I’ve seen the Mortal Instruments series getting a lot of hate on tumblr. And I fully understand why Cassandra Clare isn’t everybody’s favorite author. I don’t like her methods and procedure at all either. But, I have to say that I do like the basic plotline of the Mortal Instruments. I’ve only read the first three novels, and I have no clue what happens afterwards. And there’s a lot to be criticized, be it Clare “copying” existing dialogues, or some really flat and ... well, just plain naive characters. BUT the plot itself is cool. So, I felt positively entertained and liked it. Love would be a bit of a strong term, though, I think.

3. A Love Triangle where the main character ended up with the person you did NOT want them to end up with (warn ppl for spoilers) OR an OTP that you don’t like.

Not giving any spoilers, but the Demon’s Lexicon Trilogy. I really, really disliked the reveal of an actual pairing in the third novel. It didn’t make sense to me, and I wasn’t reading for romance to begin with. It kind of cheapened the story because the love interest side story suddenly got A LOT of attention that it didn’t before and that shifted the focal point of the overall plotline. (Loved the first book, really liked the second, couldn’t care less for the third, tbh)

4. A popular book Genre that you hardly reach for.

It’s either crime fiction or esoteric non-fiction.

I’m actually into a lot of different genres: almost all types of fiction (YA, dystopian, sci-fi, political, thriller, mystery, adventure, horror, fantasy etc.), also children’s books, travel books, hobby and craft books, satires, other humorous books, biographies/autobiographies, educational books, historical books both fiction and non-fiction...

Doesn’t matter, but crime fiction (as long as it doesn’t contain anything else) is just so boring to me. Also, it feels to me as if most crime fiction heroes solve those crimes with A LOT more lucky coincidences than I would hope actual crime fighters depend on.

And esoteric books are just completely outside my personal interests. Either the stuff described in those books feels like fiction to me while being sold as non-fiction, or it’s stuff that I feel should not be aquired through books but personal encounters and explorations.

5. A popular or beloved character that you do not like.

Definitely Clary Fray from the Mortal Instruments. Man, she is soooooo slow on the uptake and so naive in so many ways. And she’s also kind of a horrible Mary Sue, not just because of her name... (I mean, really? Clary, Ms Clare? 😔) But also because of how she is so awesomely good at everything and how she always thinks of the perfect solutions for everything when nobody else does. Kinda... very little room for character development. But, then again, who needs that, right?

6. A popular author that you can’t seem to get into.

Aside from Dan Brown? Here’s my unholy trinity...

1) Stephenie Meyer (yeah, the Twilight one) - I was actually sent an e-book copy of Twilight right before it became such a huge success. I started reading it, because my friend recommended it and praised it so highly. But, I couldn’t make it past a couple dozen pages. The writing style is just so bad, I couldn’t continue. The characters were so flat, I lost any and all interest in what was going to happen. And the story wasn’t all that intriguing either, especially because it was loaded with antiquated world views, especially Bella’s character and what was deemed right for her to do was just... WOW, it was just so unbelievably bad, lol. I was so surprised that it actually ended up being successful.

2) E.L.James (the 50 Shades one) - For years, I genuinely believed that it was impossible to write worse than Meyer. Boy, was I wrong. I tried several times to read more than ten pages of 50 Shades of Grey, and I failed every single time. It’s not just a bad story, I’ve seen children’s books for toddlers that have a more interesting sentence structure than what she comes up with for an adult audience. Her language is so dull and non-descriptive that even the supposedly racy sexy bits read like a phone book to me. Honestly, I DON’T GET WHY anybody ever had any interest in this book series. The language is unspeakably poor, the plot takes all the wrong turns it could possibly take, the “research” done before writing the book... I don’t even know where that load of complete misinformation could possibly come from.

3) Iny Lorentz (the writing couple I mentioned above: Elmar Wohlrath and Iny Klocke) - Just bad, bad, bad writing. No concept of character development, fiction asthetically written like non-fiction, no use of language to create atmosphere or convey emotions. They write neutral snoozefests. And... I can’t bring myself to write any more on them.

7. A popular book trope that you’re tired of seeing. (examples “lost princess”, corrupt ruler, love triangles, etc.)

Mary Sues and Gary Stues. But Love Triangles are a very hot contender.

8. A popular series that you have no interest in reading.

All the different Shades, lol.

9. The saying goes “The book is always better than the movie”, but what movie or T.V. show adaptation do you prefer more than the book?

Definitely Stand By Me which is Stephen King’s The Body. That movie is about as great as that story could have possibly been when put onto the screen. The actors were so perfectly cast, the cinematography, costumes and set design really captured the time period, atmosphere and geography, and the facial expressions portrayed all the right emotions beautifully.

Also, I have to say, out of all of King’s movie adaptations, and while neither The Body nor Stand By Me are categorized as horror, the scene where you can see the dead boy’s face is one of the scariest, most horrific moments I can think of in a film ever. It gave me nightmares when I first saw it, and still, to this day, I have to close my eyes when that scene comes up. And the cool thing is, it’s not meant to be specifically horrifying, or gory or scary. But the simplicity of the sudden glimpse into dead eyes, to me, is scarier than any monster I could imagine and does King’s reputation more than justice.

[princepriestandpirate]

Character Asks for Rowan!

ok here u go!

1. How many dead parents do they have?

if you include his godfather, three.

2. How good are they at tongue twisters?

i dont think he has a natural talent for them, but he’s also spent a LOT of time by himself out on the road, so he’s probably gotten bored enough to practice some of them, so he’s decent at a few.

3. Biggest regret?

didn’t do as much as he could have to save his sister

4. Are they formally trained or have they gone through a more organic learning experience for their skillset?

a weird mix of both? with magic, he started out being trained formally and then was self-taught while he was on the road. with weapons, some of the kajitanni guards that were with him & marcus taught him, but it wasn’t in a formal setting it was just while they were traveling.

5. If they could hang out with one famous person in 18th century American History, who would they want to hang out with?

i do not know or care enough about 18th century american history to have an answer to this question

6. What’s their theme song?

probably Run or Hide by Run River North atm (pre-game beginning, probably The Road by Frank Turner)

7. What fictional character are they most like? Was this an intentional or accidental influence?

i didn’t really base him off of any existing character, so i don’t know! but i do relate him to anastasia (from the movie/musical) a bit, although that’s almost entirely due to the whole “secret royalty” bit and the fact that some of the songs kinda fit. personality wise i don’t think they have anything in common tho.

8. Paper or plastic?

plastic

9. What’s their dump stat?

most of his stats are actually pretty good? so i think his worst stat is like a 3 way tie between strength, con, and wis (and all of those are still p good). 

10. What’s their best stat?

dex!

11. What is their favorite anime?

i think he’d really like cowboy bebop

12. What’s their favorite beverage?

he likes black tea, would also probably like coffee if that exists in universe. i think he just likes bitter foods/drinks in general.

13. If they can use magic, what’s their favorite spell?

message in terms of being super useful, although he also finds magic missile very fun to use in battle.

14. Most heroic thing they have ever done?

probably helping to fight off attackers when they tried to attack the capital building? …he hasnt done a lot of very heroic things tbh.

15. Most despicable thing they have ever done?

nothing, he’s perfect.

(jk, although i can’t think of anything specific that was downright despicable, although in general: he can be pretty unforgiving towards enemies, and he feels kinda bad about lying to people he cares about, even if it’s completely justified)

16. Are they a hero or a supporting protagonist?

a mix of both, but i’d say he leans a bit more hero.

17. What’s their favorite food?

i don’t know what food actually exists in canon but he likes spicy foods! and any food that reminds him of stuff he liked as a kid.

18. Would they rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck?

one horse-sized duck. like yeah, it’s bigger, but it’s way easier to get a couple good hits on one big creature and take it down than having to deal with a shit ton of smaller creatures. that would take…so long, especially with his fighting style. precision is easier w/ a single target.

19. They have to go live on a deserted island. They can take one thing and one person. What do they take?

can you take a boat? if not, he’d take a dagger. and he’d bring lumley, because she’s his best friend, is a ranger and therefore would be pretty useful in the wilderness, and also can just make fresh water whenever she wants.

20. Are they religious? If so, what god or gods do they serve?

not really? he wasn’t raised in any specific religion, although he does believe in gods in general and has some reverence for them. he just doesn’t actively worship anyone.

21. How did they become an adventurer?

uh, depends on what point you deem the beginning of him being an adventurer? one point would be that after the death of his family, he basically lived on the road for a decade while in hiding, and when he was sixteen started formally acting as a spy, traveling back and forth from the desert by himself carrying information.

i guess you could also technically consider his “call to adventure” to be when he received a “wedding invitation” from the high councilor’s daughter and accompanied lumley to the kajitanni capital where nasuada was like “hey you’re gonna do even more dangerous spy stuff now” and he was like “okay sure i guess” and now here we are

22. Most amazing monster they have ever killed or helped kill?

none? he helped fight some ppl who were attacking the kajitanni capital but that’s about it.

23. Thoughts on death?

doesn’t want it to happen to him any time soon, but when he does he hopes he’ll be reunited with his family again.

24. Do they have any interesting skills?

he has a history proficiency because he’s a fucking nerd.

25. Favorite animal?

xiall! he had one for a bit when he was younger, her name was hazel & he loved her a lot

26. Expansion of civilization or the preservation of nature?

i think he generally sides with civilization, but not at the expense of the destruction of nature. i think that he would ideally want to find a balance between the two.

27. They’re at a tavern. They bump into a big burly angry drunk with a combative attitude. What happens?

he either tries to talk his way out of it or tries to slip away without being noticed

28. What do they do between quests?

i’m not sure i’d call it “between quests” but in his downtime he likes to explore whatever city or town he’s in. although this usually results in him looking for a bookstore and buying a new book or two and then spending the rest of his downtime reading.

29. Biggest positive and negative influences on their life and development?

positive: most of the adults in his life, honestly? his dad was a big positive influence, as was alduri, but even after they weren’t part of his life anymore, people like marcus and ezna picked up the slack and gave him some sort of support system to rely on and some stability in his life (which he did not have a lot of)

negative: does it have to be a person? because most of the people in his life have been pretty good for him. if anything, the most negative impact on his life came from him being by himself so much, and not really having any friends his age. 

if it has to be a person does “whoever sent assassins to his house” count

30. Would they smooch a ghost?

he would consider it. depends on the ghost, he’d have to get to know them first. (is the ghost briston? he’d smooch briston, have u seen him)

[chromsai]

Thank you for answering my mini rant. (The one about Yuuya). Idk, is just pisses me off when ppl say x character is badass or is a Dork/adorable ignoring their faults then when it comes to Yuuya its instantly bashing him straight away I mean, where's the justice? Like you said ignore the haters but idk it just gets to me sometimes.

lmao such is consumer culture. people love their exaggerated character tropes.

example (sticking with/picking on arc v here since if i mention any of the other spinoffs, someone will literally come at me all offended & what not): when you said “badass” i immediately thought of Shun. he’s just the very definition of badass, ya know? and it’s because of him acting so badass that made him one of the most popular characters. being badass & stoic is a character trait that, especially in shounen, is so beloved, you can’t have a series without a “badass, stoic” character otherwise the fans won’t deem the story to be “deep”. however, the moment that Shun showed some humility and worry for his comrades or started acting “soft”, the fandom started to claim that he was being written completely out of character.

and i don’t understand that? sure, i’m picking on Shun here as an example because, despite the fact that he’s one of my absolute faves from the show, i will admit that his character development was handled a bit wonky, but not entirely terribly. mostly, i felt it was somewhat rushed, but not too much tbh. but i wouldn’t call it out of character at all. he’s a traumatized character, and he copes with his trauma by being ruthless, reckless, and distrusting of others, which is what leads many to see him as “badass”. but people forget that there’s ways for characters- for people- to break away from that trauma and just want to try to heal and be normal as they used to be. sure, things won’t ever be the same for him again and he’ll always have to cope with his pain, but him showing signs of being “soft”, of wanting to move on, of smiling despite his pain- there’s nothing “out of character” about that.

people just liked him a lot more when he was “badass” and angsting all the time. because him being JUST “badass” all the time was HIS THING. no one ever expected him to move on beyond that.

returning to criticism of yuya, well that’s just the thing... i don’t think people can deny how much he grows over the course of the show. hell, it’s extremely hard to deny that he grew a lot by the end of the show. and i think that’s what trips people up about yuya specifically. he’s so damn dynamic as a character that people don’t exactly know where to place him under in a list of tropes; he doesn’t fit just one trope specifically. he may exaggerate on some parts of his character, but then again he always tends to show us the other side of the coin: he can be extremely happy at times, but breakdown completely the very next second; he can show when he doesn’t care about something yet the very next scene he’s up in a fiery rage; he’s a complete noob at times but the very next moment he’s shown thinking thoroughly and logically and surprising his opponents and audience, etc. some characters treat him like a complete joke, while others have the utmost respect for him.

he’s done some really “badass” things, but he’s also done some really “dumbass” things too. 

in fiction, people don’t usually expect a character to be as dynamic as yuya, they usually expect characters to represent one or two traits as best.

now logically the argument to this is “well yeah duh if a character shows off more than these one or two traits about them then they’re not going to be as memorable in the end.”

and the way you combat that problem is pretty simple: you make your character relatable while still giving them a unique quirk or power only they possess.

all those things i described yuya as make him relatable. just like us, he’s not always right but sometimes he is, and when he is, he shows it in a grandiose way. that’s his entertainer personality. THAT’S what makes him unique and memorable. not his pendulum, not his monsters (you could hand these things to any character and call them the protag). it’s how he uses them in his own way to create a style all his own that will become memorable to us. 

and this is, ironically, also a part of his character development: learning to break away from his dad’s entertainment style and developing one of his own that will push him to become even better.

anyway, as i said, people like breaking down characters into tropes that are easily recognizable since it’s easier to find individual things they admire in characters- in people- that they can label easily. our brains kinda just work that way on auto-pilot. but taking the time to dig deeper into things, the more facets of a person you see, the less you tend to become fascinated with them unless it turns out that you like everything about that person, which, in real life, isn’t always gonna be the case. like i said last time, not everyone’s gonna like a certain person or character and of course some are gonna be criticized harsher than others, but that all depends on how real they feel to you.

lastly, to answer your question “where’s the justice?” with regards to bashing yuya over other characters, well... that’s subjective. the answer to that, tho, will always rely on the tropes you like (and which you like) and whether or not you like tropeyer characters or prefer more dynamic characters, or both.

personally, i like both, but i prefer more dynamic characters since i just find them way more interesting than their tropey counterparts, but a lot of people find dynamic characters to be... too much? or... too realistic for their tastes? idk... i don’t think like most people, apparently...

to give you a more concrete answer tho: (imo) there is no justice. the standard of fiction that people are used to is to have a cast of characters where each character represents a different individual character trait or trope (which is so cliche and formulaic, especially in anime, and also unrealistic) and have them all interact and call it a “diverse” cast. this is bad enough as it is in shounen, but in ygo, in particular, we don’t see characters like yuya very often so they’re kinda breaking the mold in a well established formula-based franchise that whenever they come along, they’re treated as “over the top”, when in reality... they’re just... not limited to the formula we’re so used to seeing. in truth, if yuya was a character in a different anime, especially a different genre, i have no doubt that he’d be hailed as a franchise fan favorite and bashing or negative criticism of him would be kinda... (i don’t wanna say “nonexistent”) not as common as it is in the ygo fandom.

at least, that’s what i’d like to believe.

[impalaanddemons]

Good Girl! - Part 4

Summary: Werewolf!Reader Story. Readers a young doctor and uses her skills to keep her condition hidden, until she transfers to the Enterprise and tries to deceive a certain grumpy Doctor

Bones x Reader

Wordcount: 1295

A/N: We’re slowly getting into the story.. or are we?

This fiction is set in AOS

Warnings: Maybe body horror for some ppl? There is an f-bomb too.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

When you woke up the next morning you were still changed, but didn’t mind. You had a free shift and despite your confinement, you felt pretty good. Everything was somewhat fuzzy in your head, but that was how things were as a wolf. Human thoughts did not fully translate to wolf thoughts and vice versa. You got up, stretched your hind legs and ruffled the fur in your neck - more to see if you could do it, then to display anything in particular. Tapping through your room with the gentle click-click of your claws on the artificial ground you found a piece of meat your human self had left for you. There was still the urge to run in your body, the urge to hunt and be free, wind on your nose - but you had the vague but persisting feeling that this was not possible. You remembered mating with someone the night before and it filled your body with excitement and content. You hadn’t done so in a long time and just like repressing the urge to run, it was not healthy. Your wolf self knew that as well as your human self, but was more willing to admit it. The dark eyed doctor had been your partner, something you’d never expected. But if everything went according to your wolf self, there’d be a lot of places on this ship you and the Doctor could use to explore each other. You bared your teeth and snarled.

The taste of raw meat occupied your mind for the next few minutes, your ears only twitching when someone was close, feet shuffling outside your room. The beeping of your communicator signaled to you that it was about time to change back. Your flanks raised and sank with a small whine. The desire to change back was small - something in your guts told you that this was not the way you were supposed to live like. That someone like you needed something else. Nevertheless you sat down, crouched and changed.

You had never seen your change from the outside, nor did you wish to. You had nightmares about being stuck in between. Nightmares about watching you from the outside - gruesomely bones breaking, shifting under your skin. Hair retreating and falling out. The sharp snap of your skull cracking and reforming. And it hurt. It was a sea of pain with no end to it. You had never found a way to alleviate the pain. There was only so much to cut back a cry of pain and the heavy panting associated with the pain. Almost too much to bear, you felt exhausted and hungry and irritated after every change, longing for a sedative. And while you changed, while your fingers snapped back into position and your back reformed itself to allow for an upright walk, memories flooded back. Counting sedatives, the importance of hiding away, his lips on yours. Heated, passionate sex in his office. You groaned under the thought and a last wave of pain that left you panting on the floor, taking deep breathes as the pain ebbed away and left you tired lying there. Thoughts did not translate well. There was a fuzzy memory of eating that meat you had left outside and of vague feelings regarding your situation. It was more like emotions carrying over - emotions that were attached to situations and persons. The stuff that kept you from doing stupid werewolf-myth things: You did know not to eat your Captain and that biting and killing was bad. You just didn’t know on a rational level as a wolf, but on a primal level that connected these things with harm to yourself. It did make it difficult to lie to yourself - you may have had rationalized all attraction to your CMO away as a human, but being a wolf „lying“ was just no concept you fully got. Let alone lying to yourself. So, to safe yourself from trouble, you tried to refrain from self-deception as far as possible. Even if it meant fucking on an office table. Not that you regretted anything. The memory still sent shivers down your spine.

Ten or fifteen minutes later you finally got up, still a bit shaky on your feet and your stomach growling with hunger. Your change - or when you were injured in that regard - where the only times your body needed exponential more calories then a normal human did - you had calculated that this was simply the law of conservation of energy. Still naked you went over to the replicator for a big breakfast - bacon, waffles, pancakes - butter with your pancakes and syrup and sausages. After shoving the second batch of pancakes down - and only then starting to feel at least a little full - you picked up your PADD.

From: CMO, Leonard McCoy To: Doctor Y/N Y/L/N Subject: Physical Exam

Message: Y/N

I know you’ve got a non-working shift today, but maybe you’ll join me for a coffee and a midnight run?

Leonard

This is an automated signature -Every staff member of medbay reminds their assigned patients of quarterly physical exams. Exams are due until 2260.237. Fill out form 23C to be granted extension in special cases.

You giggled and put your PADD to the side. Your focus was still on food at this point, so you grabbed some more bacon. There was also the case of dog - well wolf - hair covering the floor of your quarters. Another Bling and another message. You wiped your hands with a towel and tapped at your PADD.

From: CMO, Leonard McCoy To: Doctor Y/N Y/L/N Subject: Fwd: Physical Exam

Y/N

excuse the signature! This was of course a personal message. Subject in case Jim gets his hands on my PADD again while drunken and files through whatever he deems interesting. I could pick you up at your quarters, end of Beta shift?

Leonard

Again, you put the PADD back and finished your breakfast, silencing your growling stomach. Priorities were important with your condition. Only after you finished eating you typed a reply to the doctor:

From: Doctor Y/N Y/L/N From: CMO, Leonard McCoy Subject: Re: Fwd: Physical Exam

Doctor McCoy

hope you had a good nights rest. Will gladly have coffee with you. See you at end of Betashift.

Y/N

You got up with a smile on your face and started cleaning up. The next few hours went by fast - you had to get rid of the wolf hair, so that it wouldn’t accidentally end up in a cleaning bot. You would have to collect and burn it at some point on your voyage, but you felt assured that an opportunity would present itself sooner or later. Thank god you didn’t shed too bad. You had disinfectants to wipe the floor with in an effort to remove salvia and whatever you couldn’t brush away with the hair before. Next step: Taking a hot shower to get rid of the smell of wild animal.

Just as change of shift commenced, someone knocked at the door. That smile on your face widened and you grabbed a hypo with a sedative. It knocked again. „Coming!“, you yelled. You felt hot blood flushing through your veins. Your heartbeat wild and fast. Maybe .. You stashed the hypo away behind your bed. Unused. „Doctor McCoy“, the door slid open when you touched the screen next to it. You held your breath. He looked at you, a hint of concern in his eyes, carefully assessing you. For a moment you thought there was fear too. But whatever it was you saw vanished quickly behind his usual demeanor, albeit not as harsh as before last night. „Y/N“ he said and you smiled, flattening your uniform dress with your hands. „Let’s go for a coffee.“

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[queerascat]

no need to answer this ask but "it is not keeping true to his character instead of not keeping true to his identity" is the biggest bullshit ever. go read the what the writer of the comics said when jughead came out as asexual. it is CLEAR from his wording that he means aromantic asexual and yet here you are, trying to strip this rep from us because straight ppl are ignorant and don't know the difference. because ~it isn't canon~. you erased aromantic people from the conversation.

and like, i don’t even want to get into the politics of having an aromantic asexual character who doesn’t even like being touched wanting sex and romance. it is true that aces/aros who enjoy sex/romance get a lot of shit in the community for not being ~ace/aro enough~, but the same happens with ace and aro ppl who don’t date, who don’t want sex or romance - we are considered less normal, less palatable and it’s common to see a narrative of “aces/aros feel sexual/romantic attraction too! we arejust like you guys!” around. so like… i see where you are coming from. but you couldn’t have chosen a worst character to talk about while raising your flag of diverse ace rep. not wanting to date/have sex isn’t just a quirk of jughead’s personality, something completely separated from his asexuality or aromanticism. they are part of his sexual and romantic identity as well and erasing that to say that aces can date is fucking wrong.again, don’t bother to answer. i’m unfollowing you & won’t be looking for your answer. but pro tip: you don’t get to just decide that you aren’t arophobic and i don’t need you to plead guilty to know you are.

(re: this post, and these asks [ 1 ] [ 2 ])

while i really am sorry to see you go, i am going to respond to this because whether you see it and respond or not is beside the point. this conversation has been public since the beginning and it now involves more than just you. besides, not all of us have the luxury of anonymity to easily be able to bow out of a conversation when said conversation becomes strenuous.

since it’s obvious that this was unclear, i’d like to point out that the word “character” has more than one meaning and i used it in my original post with the intention of it being read as such. yes, Jughead has a personality (character) that is being rewritten in Riverdale, but Jughead himself is literally a fictional character. the very character known as Jughead is being rewritten in Riverdale.

“keep Jughead true to (his) character” was not a call to reduce his aromanticism or his asexuality down to simply being a part of his personality (character), it was a call to fight for every single thing that is the character Jughead. please someone, anyone explain to me how that call was me “trying to strip” aro aces of representation, because that is literally the opposite of my intention, and yet here we are.

literally the only thing that i can find behind these accusations is an apparent misunderstanding of what i meant by “character”, hurt over the fact that i did not explicitly mention aromanticism in my original post and perhaps anger over the fact that i “raised my flag of diverse ace rep” instead of fighting exclusively or explicitly for aro ace rep.

honestly, this whole exchange has taught me a few things, not the least of which being that that my discomfort surrounding fandom and assigning labels to characters is something silly to be denoted by  “~ ~” because it doesn’t matter. that if i’m not willing to go outside of my comfort zone when talking about a character, then i apparently shouldn’t talk about them at all. that i’m not allowed to talk about a character’s (a)sexuality without also talking about their (a)romantic orientation, which i feel is part of a bigger intracommunity problem tbh.

while i understand that for some people their asexuality and their aromanticism (along with other things like various aversions, even gender feels) can be intrinsically linked to the point of being inseparable and that some people feel this to be the case for Jughead’s asexuality, the fact that this apparently bars a person from explicitly talking about one thing without also explicitly talking about the rest is….. difficult for me to swallow. this is a topic for another post, but once again i’m left unsettled by how a person’s (or character’s) asexuality seemingly has to be paired with or contextualized by a romantic orientation or something else…. granted, it’s also often the case that it’s not a matter of having to be, but rather a matter if simply being that way (as may be the case here), but even so, to not be able to specifically talk about one thing about a person (or character) without being accused like this, especially given that i never even spoke against the other things involved…. sigh.

all of this came about because i saw aces fighting for general asexual representation in a way that was potentially damaging to all aces, aro aces included, and i decided to make a post calling on people to fight for asexual representation in a way that didn’t come at a cost to others, including aro aces. after making that post, the exchange that happened here and the post that you presumably submitted to Fuck Yeah Asexual, people are now fighting for aro ace Jughead, which i’m glad to see. the goal behind my post, which was to change people’s problematic war cries on Twitter, has been more or less accomplished. i say “more or less” because now this has turned into an “us vs them” thing both on Twitter & Tumblr and that was never my intention.

once again i’ve been labeled “another one of those problematic romantic aces” in the great “aromantic aces vs romantic aces divide”, my own lack of romantic orientation ignored or deemed to be beside the point.

sigh.

voicing my opinion on things sure has become exhausting. again.